#so not complaining folklore was the first time i actually started letting myself feel that loss AT ALL. i still block it out every second

[istillgotlove]

sometimes you get put on antipsychotics because you're fixated on someone you've known like a couple months that you're experiencing intense symptoms around when in reality you're going through the greatest loss of your life but you're not thinking about that at all 🙏🙏

[bi-bard]

I Don’t Know What I Was Expecting- James Wilson Imagine (House M.D)

Title: I Don’t Know What I Was Expecting

Pairing: James Wilson X Reader

Requested: by @xxfrankenheartxx (can’t tag you, but I hope you find this)

Word Count: 1,008 words

Warning(s): Pregnancy, mentions of potential violence

Summary: Nerves can make people think stupid things... having a friend who enjoys acting like an asshole sometimes doesn’t help with any of those stupid things.

Author’s Note: I have been gone for so long and I’m sorry.

Support my work? https://ko-fi.com/khoward0 

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Oh, the glory of nervousness. I feel sick even though there’s nothing wrong. I was not very good at hiding my nervous feeling. I usually just avoid whatever causing it... but I can’t really do that when I’m dating the very thing that’s making me nervous.

We carpool to work, for god’s sake!

I forced a grin as James kissed my cheek. I let my smile drop as I walked toward the elevator. The doors closed and I sighed. 

It wasn’t James’s fault. The nervousness was all my fault. If I could just tell him the truth, I would feel so much better. If I just told him that I was pregnant, I wouldn’t be so distracted. I shook my head as the elevator doors opened. I forced a big smile on my face as I walked to my office, waving at kids on my way down the hall.

I worked in the pediatric unit. It was a dream. Kids may complain about a pill tasting bad but they couldn’t threaten to sue you when you didn’t do what they wanted. I opened the file sitting on my desk and let the first genuine smile grow on my face. Someone’s kid was finally going home.

“Hello,” I said, knocking on the door frame.

 The little girl and her mom popped their heads up. The little girl was playing with a stuffed animal on the bed, her mom half reading, half-listening to her rambling daughter. 

“Hi Dr. (Y/l/n),” the little girl waved excitedly at me. “I get to go home today!”

“I know,” I replied, going to sit on the edge of her bed. I made sure my eyes shifted from her to her mother and then back, “I just need to do a final check-up and then we can get you all ready to go.”

The little girl was a sweetheart. She was good during her final check-up. She even asked to try the blood pressure cuff on her stuffed animal. When the kids feel better and they get their energy back, that’s when I feel the happiest. It really tells me that I picked the right field for myself. 

The mom and I were standing by the door. The daughter was sitting on her bed, now dressed. The mom was filling out the discharge papers. She handed me the clipboard back. I checked over the pages.

“You’re so good with kids,” she commented. I just chuckled. “Do you have any of your own?”

My brain flew back to those tests I took late last night. Two positive tests tucked away in the bottom of the garbage can, “No, not yet.”

“Well, you’re going to be an amazing parent,” she continued. That made me feel better. 

“Thank you,” I looked back up at her. “Okay, you’re all set. I’ll walk down with you two.”

The mom didn’t speak again until we were standing in the elevator, “If you don’t mind me asking, you said you didn’t have kids yet... are you hoping to?”

“Well, I mean...” I hadn’t really had a conversation like this with a patient. 

“Are you expecting,” she asked after I had gone quiet. I just grinned at her. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” I said right before the door opened. I said goodbye to the mom and the daughter one more time before they left the hospital. 

I let out a deep breath before walking to Cuddy’s office. I knocked on the door and waved when she looked up from her papers. She grinned before she waved for me to come inside.

“Can I ask you for some advice,” I asked as I closed the door to her office.

“What about,” she leaned her arms on her desk.

“I’m... well... damn... I’m pregnant,” I said nervously, now bright red with my hands starting to shake. 

“Wow,” she just blinked at me a couple of times. “Have you told Wilson?”

“That’s what I need advice about,” I replied. She nodded.

“Just tell him,” she shrugged. I sighed. “Wilson’s a good man. He’s not going to walk away. He loves you. I would put money on him being more excited than you could imagine.”

“I know... it’s just... overwhelming.”

“I understand,” Cuddy checked her watch as she walked over to hug me. “Go get some food. Relax. That’s not a recommendation, that’s an order.”

“Thank you,” I mumbled before stepping back. She nodded and I left. 

I walked into the hospital cafeteria and immediately wanted to walk out. James was sitting at one of the tables, looking over a file with food sitting next to him. He had barely eaten any of it. I was about to abort my mission when he spotted me and smiled. I smiled back, walking over and sitting across from him. 

“Help yourself,” he pushed his plate a little closer to me. I chuckled.

“Thanks,” I mumbled but didn’t take anything. “I... I need to tell you something.”

“What is it,” he asked, looking away from the file so he could make eye contact with me. 

I clasped my hands together and tried to plan what I was going to say. Then, I realized that a speech would be completely useless. 

“James,” I said before sighing and sitting up straighter than before. “I’m pregnant.”

“Wow,” he replied. He scoffed a couple of times, eyes wide. It made me furrow my eyebrows. “That’s... unexpected.”

“Okay, what,” I asked. He looked genuinely shocked. “You do realize how bad you are at lying, right?”

“House told me,” James pursed his lips, glancing down at the table.

“How the hell did House-”

“He guessed.”

“Oh my god.”

“Told me to prepare myself.”

“I’m gonna kill him.”

“I’ll help you with that after our kid is grown up.”

I smiled at his response, “That’s a long-term plan, Wilson.”

“I actually like the long-term planning,” he grabbed my hand. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I felt so much better than I did this morning... even if I did have to kill House later.

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[kyeomunism]

The Phoenix Ymbryne ||  Millard Nullings

Pairing: Millard Nullings x Fem!Reader

Devil’s Acre Era (includes events in TDODA)

Word Count: 2.3k words

Summary: You are a peculiar who can take the form of a Phoenix. Wights were a constant threat until an invisible boy takes you to your new home. Getting to know him made you realize your purpose and the worth of all you’ve been through.

A/n: this fic includes South-East Asian references and i wrote it in a way you’ll learn easily. so whatever your race is, step inside Y/n’s boots and enjoy this adventure fluff. 

︵‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・༺❀༻・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ︵‿︵‿︵

1900, Manila

The gust of wind rustling the forest almost silenced your pounding heart, but not quite. You transformed into a blazing bird and shoot through the bright sky, searching the brown earthen hues below. Your bird form made you an easy target, knowing that the wights after you have hunting guns; but your bird form also allowed you to scan the forest with your peculiar intuition. You could detect souls and sense their objectives. As you fly towards the outskirts of the woods, you located the two wights running away.

Suddenly, you felt another soul wandering through the thickets. A lone, pure heart, a good aura that you wouldn’t expect right after getting chased by blank-eyed monsters. Driven by curiosity, you roamed above the trees where you felt the presence. It was a floating map. You perched on a branch and watched the huge map turn, as if being held by a person. You looked from another angle at it revealed a floating suit and trousers. Carefully eyeing the subject and its pavement shoes leaving a calculated trail, there was only one word you can fathom: peculiar.

It had been over half a century since you’ve seen another peculiar, and it fascinated you how you couldn’t actually see this one. You continued watching the invisible who seem to be looking for something; a landmark? a person? a girl who can turn into a two-feet-tall fiery bird? If it was the latter, you knew you couldn’t easily trust someone, even if your intuition screamed this person’s good intentions.

You flew towards your house by the river, and judging by the angle of the floating clothes below, you knew you’ve been spotted. The moment you reached your home, you transformed back to your sixteen year-old body and slipped in a floor length skirt, a white sleeved shirt made from pineapple fabrics, and a scarf around your neck. You prepared hot chocolate in case that invisible peculiar pays a visit.

It only took a few minutes until you heard a knock on your door. Reluctantly, you opened it to reveal the same floating clothes that seemed to belong to the western world.

"Who are you?"

"Millard Nullings, at your service." A voice of a teenage boy spoke up. You moved aside to allow him enter your home, saying your name as you lead him to the drawing room. At first, you thought it was going to be painfully awkward, but it immediately changed into a pleasant, curious atmosphere when his body headed straight towards the ancient maps on your walls, as if being pulled by a magnet.

"Thank you, this place is incredibly interesting. For the longest time I thought these maps were never to be found again," Millard said as he took the hot chocolate from your hand while staring at the walls.

"These are from my old ymbryne. She was a real treasure," you said, standing beside him. "It shows hundreds of ancient loops across Asia. I wouldn't have found my current home without these maps. Oh, and Millard... may I ask how did you get here?"

"The wights after you were caught a while ago. This loop is marked empty in A Map of Days, so catching two of Caul's followers in here is intriguing. It wasn't long until I found the entrance after leapfrogging through a parallel loop nearby."

Brushing off more questions in your head, you offered him a seat and took sips of hot chocolate.

"Perplexus wasn't wrong when he marked this loop empty," you said. Millard's head most likely whipped up at the mention of the famous cartographer.

You smiled at this and continued. "When my old loop was raided, my ymbryne suggested this small loop. It was an empty peculiar menagerie. I suspect a dozen peculiar animals used to live here with all the traces I've found. But for over fifty years, I haven't seen any peculiarity in this area." You turn your head towards the window. "Past those Cacao trees is the membrane of the loop. A small provincial village with normal people, normal chickens, and a normal carabao. So seeing you here feels more surreal than it sounds," you admitted.

"What about your bird?" he asked, "that tall phoenix flying around the woods?"

A twinge of realization came over you and you sigh, reluctant to admit your peculiarity.

"That was me," you say finally.

"What! You can turn into a phoenix? You're an ymbryne?" Millard's voice was a mix of astonishment and confusion.

"How else did you think I manage to revive this loop?" You smiled.

"I just thought ymbrynes' bird forms are supposed to be inconspicuous. But you were...incredibly remarkable."

Your cheeks heated up at the comment and you divert your gaze with a soft chuckle.

"That baffled me as well, that's why I only transform in important situations. Locals believed me to be a magical bird, thus driving many hunters' attention. My bird form is known as Adarna. Similar to a phoenix, but distinct in certain features."

"Adarna? I've never heard of that kind of bird before."

"It is a famous folklore bird in the Philippines. There are stories about it, even in the Tales of the Peculiar." You stood and picked up an old children's book on the bookshelf across the room. You handed it to Millard, which you assume, made him smile.

"This is an ancient version indeed. I annotate many of the Tales but I've never seen this before. Would you mind letting me borrow this?" You couldn't bring yourself to say no to him, so you insisted he could keep it. Stating that you didn't need a copy, having memorized it for the longest time.

After minutes of discussion, you noticed how he got so excited in the topic of maps, history and his friends. It felt like you were listening to a teacher who loved his work, and you weren't complaining as you found this adorable. You were both having good laughs with Millard's stories, until he finally said, "I trust you expect a reassurance that the wights wouldn't trouble you anymore, but we can't be certain."

Your eyebrows furrowed at this, "what are you planning?"

"To take you to Devil's Acre."

You were surprised and slightly taken aback. He must've seen the faraway look on your face so he continues, "Y/n, you don't have to go now. I can just leave you a detailed map to help you reach the panloopticon anytime."

You paced around the drawing room. "So you're letting me go there alone?"

“If that's what you like, yes. I don't want to rush you into leaving your home, but I’ll feel much better if you let me take you there myself." His British drawl made your throat dry, you could only nod.

"I'll take my time to think about it, but as soon as the wights come near this area, I'll head to your loop for safety." You decided it's only smart to stay home until real danger emerge, despite how much you'd like to go with Millard. "Why don't you stay here for a while?"

"That can be a problem. You see, my ymbryne left me with strict rules..."

"You weren't supposed to be here, aren't you?"

You both just laughed at this.

A while later, a loud commotion started in the other side of the loop membrane. Villagers were screaming and animals were flocking away.

"Was that a regular noise within your loop?"

"For fifty years of living this exact same day over and over again, I can assure you that was most unnatural." You got up and pocketed an old but sharp dagger as Millard packed the maps and the book you gave him.

"Those are certainly Wights looking for their other comrades. We ought to flee this place now," he said.

You both slipped through the backdoor towards the river, careful not to trip into the mud. When you reach the bamboo raft, he held your hand and made sure you wouldn't lose balance. This gesture, however, made you lose your composure instead.

"You seem nervous, is it the raft? Should I let you cross the river first?"

"No, no, it's safe," you said as you both stood on the either side of the raft, trying not to slip as you crossed the river holding tall pieces of bamboo to keep yourselves steady. "I guess I just feel sad that I'm leaving home for good," you say. It was true, but you couldn't bring yourself to admit that he made you flustered.

"I understand that this loop may close permanently as you leave," he said, "but in the Devil's Acre, you may train with other ymbrynes ang get the chance to create new loops, have wards of your own—"

"Train with other ymbrynes?" You exclaimed as the raft reached the other side of the river.

"Yes, they're rather lovely. Miss Avocet and all the other ymbrynes would love to guide you. I also believe my friends will celebrate your company. Horace will cook feast, Olive and Claire will surely entertain you, oh," he said, clearly excited, "the celebration will never be enough!"

"Are you kidding me?" You laughed soundlessly as you headed towards the forest. "Your presence alone is more than enough."

He did not reply anything for a moment and you bit your lip. Millard lead the way to another loop that was connected to the panloopticon. It was a silent but surprisingly comfortable walk. He told you to watch your steps in some parts of the forest and you give every useful information you had about your homeland.

"There it is, come here, y/n." He spotted the portal door propped amongst the old trenches of the place that was once bloodstained by war.

Shivers crawled down your spine as you paced forward. Millard noticed your uneasy expression and ran circles on your knuckles. "You can tell me if you don't want to come," he whispered gently, "we'll figure out another way if you're ever uncomfortable."

"Thank you, but I really want to go with you. I want to meet your family and read your books." A smile painted its way on your face just thinking about it.

Without another question, he lead you through the door while gripping your hand. You held your breath and let him guide your steps. His fingers traced your forehead and you opened your eyes.

═ ∘◦ ❉ ◦∘ ═

1886, London

"Where are we?" You stare at the plain, unfamiliar bedroom infront of you.

"The third floor of panloopticon," Millard said with a relieved sigh. "We just crossed half the world in a matter of seconds, I trust the kitchen will have something to ease our loop-lag."

Without even thinking about it, you pulled him in a hug. He caught his breath and wrapped his arms around you as you feel tears streaming down your face. You missed your country but don't regret being with this boy at all. "Thank you," you managed to whisper.

It had been less than a week since you first arrived. Millard's friends were the kindest people you have ever met. The first time you saw Miss Peregrine, she was furious at Millard for running off without permission, but her mood changed when she met you and realized you were an ymbryne too. You were immediately recruited in Miss Avocet's academy and made friends with many other people in the Acre. You get along very well with Miss Wren who was interested in your peculiarity and the fact that you lived in a menagerie loop in Asia.

Desolations came and you stayed in the Ditch House with Millard reading books for you. While it was raining blood, bones and ashes outside, you were having the time of your life with your new family.

You stayed in the Academy while the rest of Miss Peregrine's wards take on their adventure to France, giving all your best wishes for Millard.

You fought in the battle of the Devil's Acre and tended to the injured with the other ymbrynes-in-training. When you heard the news that Caul was defeated, you were elated and incredibly happy.

You were one of the ninety-five peculiars who broke loop-bound in Jacob's house. You could finally go anywhere you like without the fear of aging forward rapidly, and Millard promised many trips with you, you could only shut him up with a peck on the cheek.

═ ∘◦ ❉ ◦∘ ═

1940, Cairnholm

So many good things happened to you that week, but nothing could beat the joy you felt when you found out that the ymbrynes-in-training are to live with Miss Cuckoo, and Miss Peregrine and her wards in Cairnholm.

You stare at the dog roses in Fiona's garden, you were filled with mixed emotions and wanted a quiet time. All of them are celebrating inside the house; all except Millard, who was wearing a velvet smoking jacket for the occasion.

"It's beautiful here," you said while watching his clothes head your way, "you must be happy that you're home."

"You are my home," he said sincerely, now standing in front of you.

You couldn't grab any witty reply, in fact, you couldn't find any words at all. You knew you were blushing ferociously by now.    

"Mind if I talk to you about something that's been bothering me for a while?" He broke the silence and you nod at him.

"With everything we went through these past weeks, I found myself hoping to stay alive."

You stifled a laugh. "Isn't that a good thing? Wishing you'd survive?"

"That's the point, I wanted to stay alive, not just because we ought to take surviving as a priority, but because I can't get you out of my mind."

Your face went blank. "What do you mean, Millard?"

"I wish it was a choice, but it wasn't. I fell in love with you, Y/n. I'd love you for as long as time."

"And we have time," you reassured him, "I love you too," and with that, he kissed you.

Both smiling into the kiss, you leaned against each other, swaying in the breeze of the garden and basking in each other's presence forevermore.

[himikiyo]

cityscapes turn to dust // himikiyo week day 1

Himikiyo Week Day 1: Folklore + Magic

“Trying to defy death, hmm? You’re choosing to take the hard road just as I did. If I don’t have enough time left to change your mind, all I can do is wish you luck.”

Korekiyo's actions taking care of their sister catch up to them.

Read on AO3, DRA, or under the cut

They had to travel light these days. With the city so ravaged, it was common to pick up and leave at a moment’s notice, and there was only so much Himiko could carry. Kiyo was much stronger than her of course, but even the essentials weighed a fair bit. Most of her possessions, along with theirs, remained at their house, still locked up tight for the time being. Someone determined enough would still be able to break in, but she tried not to think about that.

Material possessions weren’t as important as a life anyway.

Despite traveling light though, Korekiyo seemed to be getting weaker. She told them they just needed rest, but they both knew that wasn’t it. The last time they visited their sister, she put up a fight. Perhaps she knew what was coming, and recognized the sickle in their hand. Either way, she bit them again. Maybe that was the final exposure their body could take after holding out so long.

Their arm was wreathed in broken veins, a sickly purplish crown centered on the bite mark. The imprint of each and every tooth was still clearly visible over a week later whenever she checked under the bandages. She picked her opportunities carefully, when they were half asleep or in a particularly good mood. That way, she hoped, they wouldn’t be quite so upset about how cold it was to remove any layers.

She checked every night to make sure they were still breathing. It was getting harder to tell.

---

People still tried to avoid saying the word zombie. Euphemisms were used: infected, changed. Sometimes there was no more than an indirect reference, like the grandmother who told her that “some of them” drove her out of her home. Maybe it was a foolish desire, since this elderly woman had clearly done well enough for herself to escape that, but Himiko wanted to help her.

“Why don’t you stay with us?” she asked. “Just for a little while. We don’t have much, but it’d be safer than traveling alone.”

“Thank you, dear,” the woman replied, adjusting her shawl. “But I like my chances. I’ve made it this far. If you’ll accept some advice from an old woman...” She trailed off momentarily, casting a meaningful glance at Kiyo. “You may want to consider striking out on your own too. There’s something not right about that one.”

“They’ve just been a little sick lately. Once we find somewhere safe to get medicine, they’ll be fine.” The lie tasted bitter on her tongue, but she couldn’t stand saying anything else. Without Korekiyo, she was sure she’d be long since dead.

“Sick? Or changing? Sometimes the hardest lesson to learn is when there’s nothing more to be done.”

“No, that’s not—” She broke off, swiping miserably at her eyes. Kiyo still sat in the corner. Wearing three sweaters to fight a mild early autumn chill, they gave off the impression of an especially gangly marshmallow. It seemed like they were oblivious to the conversation, but Himiko knew better. They always observed more than people gave them credit for.

“Don’t let your friend suffer, dear.” After pressing a small, paper-wrapped package into her hands, the grandmother left. Himiko watched until she vanished from view, hoping she arrived safely to wherever she was headed.

---

“So,” Kiyo said some time later. “When are you planning to kill me? She gave you everything you need to do it, didn’t she?”

“What? No, I’d never. You know I’d never do something like that.” Perched on the edge of the couch they were laying on, she combed a hand through their hair. It helped her fight the urge to rest it on their forehead and see how much their temperature had dropped.

“Yet you encouraged me that putting my sister out of her misery was the right thing to do.”

“That’s different. She wasn’t herself anymore.” As always, she bit back the part about how even with her full mental faculties, that would have been what she deserved.

“Any day now, you might come to find that I am not myself anymore either. Then I will no longer be able to cooperate with your attempts to do it painlessly.”

“That won’t happen,” she argued, fingers involuntarily tightening in their hair for just a moment. “If it was going to happen, it would have already. That was, what, the fifth time she bit you or something? It’s like you told me that first day I found out the truth. You’re immune.”

“Immune.” They scoffed, face contorting into something between a grimace and a scowl. “That was never anything but a lie I allowed myself to believe. I’m not immune. I’m dying.”

“No, you’re not,” Himiko mumbled. She inched closer to them on the couch, laying her head on their bony shoulder. Through sweaters and blankets, it almost felt soft. “I won’t let you.”

“Trying to defy death, hmm? You’re choosing to take the hard road just as I did. If I don’t have enough time left to change your mind, all I can do is wish you luck.” Numb fingers tugged their mask down to press a kiss to her forehead. The old, scarred-over bite wound on their neck was taking on the same purplish hue as their arm.

---

She woke up the next morning with her head resting on their chest. She couldn’t hear a heartbeat.

Shinguuji Korekiyo was dead.

After she came to that realization but before she could figure out what she should do about it, they stirred, feebly trying to shove the blankets off.

“Too hot,” they mumbled, rolling over (or trying to — the attempt wasn’t very successful with half her weight still on them).

“Kiyo?” It had been weeks since they had anything temperature-related to say that wasn’t complaining of being too cold. Not to mention the bigger issue of their lack of vital signs. Straightening up fully, Himiko leaned over them to meet their eyes. They were groggy and unfocused, but they clearly seemed to recognize her.

“What? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I guess I have in a way,” she responded, choking out a shaky laugh. “You.”

They sat up slowly, giving her a perplexed look. Did they not even realize what was going on? Surely they had to feel different. She reached out and laid a hand on their chest, just to be certain. Was she so exhausted that she just missed it before? After flexing their wrist, stretching their arm — stiff, maybe from the lack of blood flow? — they overlapped her hand with their own.

“I see. I didn’t imagine becoming a zombie would feel so pleasant.”

“Pleasant? How can you be so calm?”

“I actually feel better than I have in quite some time,” they admitted. “It’s rather comfortable. I do seem to have a certain degree of numbness, but it’s a worthwhile exchange to be free from all the recent pain and discomfort I’ve experienced. Considering my mind seems to be intact, at least as much as I can tell from my own biased perspective, death might not be so bad. If nothing else, it gives me something new to study.”

“Oh. Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better, but I don’t know if it’s normal to accept something like this so quickly.”

She was forgetting, of course, that Kiyo had never quite been normal.

---

Over time, it became clear that them saying they had “a certain degree of numbness” was a bit of an understatement. If she happened to touch them when they weren’t looking, they only seemed to notice about half the time. Their pain tolerance, already high, had increased to such an extent that it was very possible for them to sustain serious injuries without noticing. Thankfully, it didn’t seem like they were in any danger of dying again.

They were still capable of healing, just at a slower rate than a living person. The bite wounds were gradually becoming less evident, flesh repairing itself in defiance of the laws of biology.

That didn’t save her from the unpleasantness of acting as their doctor.

Her first lesson in zombie surgery was a jarring one. The glass shards embedded in their leg likely could have been avoided if they had as much feeling as they used to, but there was no point in agonizing over could have beens. The good news was that they barely seemed affected, glancing down at the heavy wounds with little more than bemused intrigue.

“Ah. I thought something stung a bit. We should probably take a moment to deal with this,” they said smoothly.

“Um, yeah, probably. It really doesn’t hurt? You’re bleeding a lot. What if you run out or something? We don’t exactly know all about how this whole zombie thing works.”

“It’s alright,” Kiyo said. “I think. If I can heal from injuries, it follows that I must still be capable of regenerating my blood supply. However, leaving broken glass there could cause problems. You should remove it.”

“Me? Why?”

“You should get used to tending to my wounds just in case there comes a time when I’m unable to do so myself.”

---

She got plenty of practice. Most of their injuries were minor, but she dutifully took care of each one nevertheless. When she really thought about it, sometimes she wondered if they acted a little carelessly on purpose just to give her experience. They’d always teetered dangerously on the edge of masochism, and now there was the added temptation of learning more about zombie physiology to boot.

Sure enough though, that time Kiyo mentioned did come eventually. So far, it seemed nearly impossible for them to die again, but that didn’t do much to diminish the dread that flowed through her when she saw the exposed muscle and bone of their arm, flayed open like so many of the other shambling zombies they’d seen over the past several weeks.

They grimaced when she started to clean up the wound. It was barely a flicker of pain, but even that was significant considering how much they were able to get through without batting an eye.

“Apologies, dear,” they murmured. “Continue.”

“Sorry. Kind of weird how quickly this has become normal.” She leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to their lips before continuing.

Pulling the edges of the wound together and stitching it up nice and securely...She wasn’t the neatest with her sewing, but she was getting better, and Kiyo always insisted they didn’t mind.

“Beautiful work, my love,” they praised, smiling down at their rather Frankenstein-esque arm. “That’s much better already.”

Himiko just smiled, wrapping the arm up again in their usual bandages.

“I’ll always be here to sew you back again. For now, we should probably both get some rest.” They were only a day away from the village of their hopes.

[originalcontent]

Well. Forgot to make our final pathologic post, because we did it, we finished the game. We just played all the remaining days at once. Not going to go super hard on the plot details bc if you know them then you know them, all I can say is holy shiiiiiiit this was such a good story/mystery/choice/everything.

First order of business: casualties.

All the children except Grace survived. When we had five panaceas, we chose Sticky, Murky, Khan, Notkin, and Capella, and we weren't able to find any more shmowders until it was too late. Taya was lucky and Grace wasn't. I feel kinda bad but also I don't know what more we could have done. God all of the kids and their final conversations when they all think they're going to die, they're so sad and sweet and I love them all so much.

The thing I'm SUPER bummed about is that Stakh, Lara, and Bad Grief all died. Like we did everything we could for all of them, but I'm still sad about it. One regret from this game is that I think we should have spent more time with them. I should have tried to make things right with them. I was so focused on the kids, and I don't regret that, but also I kept putting other things before them as well and I should have tried harder.

The other casualties were Big Vlad, Maria Kaina, Eva Yan, and Anna Angel, who was apparently a character but I think we literally never spoke with her in our playthrough. And Aglaya, although I don't know how we could have saved her either. Everyone else survived. I don't know the typical death toll for this game, but we did better than I was expecting us to, all things considered.

Oh wait, Nara's also dead. That wasn't an incredibly disturbing scene or anything. Like I'm getting ahead of myself a bit but jesus the kinfolk terrify me sometimes. My sister mentioned that it's probably a very different game if we commit super hard to exploring their plotline, and she's probably right. That whole sequence though... the blood, the hearts... it's a lot. I'm not going into detail bc if you've played the game then you already know what's down there, but hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I feel like replaying this game knowing everything would put a LOT of earlier conversations into new context.

Still! That was the only place we death spiraled this time! Death spiral escaped! That's probably due in no small part to the presence of the soldiers. Like yes they're terrible and them burning people alive is terrifying, but also we discovered the strategy that every time we were attacked by someone we could just have them chase us past a soldier who would protect us. We still had to sneak around a lot but overall it meant we had a lot fewer fights.

The polyhedron was gorgeous. We probably wasted a lot of time visiting it, but it was wonderful. I wanted to go back when all the kids were there but they didn't let us. Super into the earth/sky dichotomy of Notkin's and Khan's gangs.

Block was sure something. When I first met him he was meeting with my three [living :(] best friends but none of them would talk to me. Anyway. When he arrives everyone's saying they loved him, then later on we accidentally walk into the most obvious coup ever, and then the next day he's back in charge like nothing happened. And then on the last day there's this massive violent internal conflict? Plus the whole thing with him and Aglaya (weren't they working together in the prologue?) and plus they keep giving us heart attacks saying they're going to level the town and then changing their minds. Thank god for Changeling who was apparently the single persuasive voice in saving everyone? I guess? We've had our ups and downs but honestly she was waaaaaaay more reliable than Daniil at the end.

I told her I'd help her cure a patient in the hospital, but I didn't have any panacea or shmowder so in the end I couldn't, but afterwards I was glad I hadn't helped her. I already felt terrible I didn't have enough living blood for all the children when they were all spontaneously infected, and it would have been so much worse if I had been able to help another but I'd wasted it on a random person earlier.

... Is Aglaya in love with Artemy? Or are they just two agents who recognize said agency in one another? Everyone spent all game hyping her up as some sort of monster but she was my friend and she listened to me. And she died trying to save everyone I guess.

The kids...just. All of them. Notkin and Capella both told us to let them die but to make sure Khan was okay. Murky saying she'd loved Artemy since the first time she saw him. God everything they said and did I love them. I can't imagine playing this game as either of the other characters because I can't imagine going through this town and not carrying deeply about all the kids like this.

So I think...I think I made my choice long before I actually made the choice itself, you know? There was only ever going to be one choice.

Day 11 was the first and only day when I knew exactly what I had to do. I mean I guess it was in the stage directions and everything. Thank you dear Fellow Traveler for feeding us the night before--did you know we'd never visited the dead item shop until the last night? Probably would have made finding food and medicine a lot easier. But anyway, when the day began I didn't quite understand the significance of the stage directions because the Haruspex looking for couriers did not sound like the dramatic climax to the story that I knew this day was supposed to be. Still, I looked for the couriers.

I think I visited the three locations in the order I was supposed to. Seeing Daniil like that with his gun and bloody hands, sitting in a room of corpses...hearing him ramble...oh man I was so conflicted, this whole game I'd thought that even though I teased him, I would always ultimately back his plays because I trusted him and I knew that ultimately he wanted to help people too. Hearing him tell me what he wanted me to do then at the end of everything...he honestly scared me a bit.

The Changeling and I seemed much more on the same page at the end of everything. Being in the middle of a field with armed soldiers closing in from all sides was kind of terrifying though. I didn't stay to witness what she did with them. She’s okay though, she’s alive.

Wild goose chase for the final courier eventually took me to the bar where I met an injured bandit and was able to actually perform a surgery for the first time in the entire fucking game. I really enjoyed that because I'm supposed to be a fucking surgeon.

Meeting my understudy fucking killed me. I cannot BELIEVE that the final courier who was carrying the only file that could save the whole town was canonically murdered by the understudy of the protagonist. How the hell is that a real plot point, do you have any idea how much I adore that, that is more meta than literally anything else that has happened in this whole game. I fucking died. I definitely have been playing this game as Artemy rather than as Actor, and I think that made the whole scene even funnier. His whole thing about taking a new direction with the character, the whole "you're getting paid for this??", the fact that Artemy was so offended by literally every aspect of his existence that we didn't even know what to criticize. At the end I was like "yeah I'm definitely going to kill this guy" but we're nice people and we let him surrender. His inventory consisted of a rusty scalpel, a hazelnut, and a single piece of twyre, which was the most incredible parody of Artemy's inventory that I can imagine and killed me all over again.

The kin folk all met with me and begged me not to let them die. Maybe things could have been different, but again, I knew my choice and deep down I always knew what we were going to choose at the end. When you start the game, day one, there are two things that are immediately striking about the town. One, it's full of living folklore, and two, it's full of children, and those are the two things that make the town special and wonderful. When you look back on it all, there was only ever one way this could all end.

The dead courier (murdered by my own fucking understudy rather than an actual character, still dying) was a dramatic sight. It's lucky I had to sleep then or I probably wouldn't have found him.

After I made my choice, the disease tried to murder me. It infected literally every district I moved through, manifesting in every single passageway. I just chugged my tinctures and moved as well as I could, because fuck you disease, you are nothing to me. Obviously at that point nothing really could stop me. I considered saving in the cathedral, but what would be the point?

Day 12 was so bright and peaceful and nice. I could just walk around for once with no fear of getting lost or hungry or running out of time. I'm still really sad my childhood friends weren't alive to share it with me, but I enjoyed talking to everyone. My favorite little end conversations were Taya and Notkin for sheer adorable factor, Yulia so Artemy could say he wanted her to be the one to tell his story and to make it as undramatic as possible (fuck you Mark), Daniil because it was super cute and I’m glad that after it all things are okay between us and I got to make fun of him for trying to talk in my language, and Andrey and Peter because literally nothing made me feel better about my choice to destroy the polyhedron than listening to them complain about it.

And then the theater, where I talked to everyone who'd died and to Mark Immortell. He told me he'd need to try again with a different protagonist (gee I wonder who he could be referring to, such a shame we'll never know) and that I could go into the back and take off my mask now. I considered it for a bit, but it didn't feel right, so I decided that I was Artemy and I went back outside.

This game was wonderful. It was beautiful. It has such a fundamental understanding of what theater is and what makes something theatrical (lose me with your cinematic games, theater and cinema are completely different things and the former is impossibly beautiful but is also almost impossible to recreate when not in person). It's worldbuilding was immaculate, and for all the stress it caused I'm really happy for it.

I say this every time, but I love Artemy so fucking much. Give me a character who is a monster and a healer and who is full of anger but also so much love, and then just have him adopt 7+ children why don't you. He is so wonderful and good and interesting and I am in love with him.

(Edit: And then like a month later, just now, we went back to our last save and threw the documents in the trash so we could play through the other ending. I think the diurnal ending is definitely the better one, although it was nice to see the polyhedron again and to talk to all the game developers. <3 Also the goodbyes to Daniil and Notkin were super sad in that one, I did what Daniil wanted, he won’t even stay? This is so sad.)

Well that's our pathologic playthrough. We know there's a lot we missed and we may return to the game at some point. (Looked up a plot summary afterwards and there’s just so much else. Must save my childhood friends next time.) Game is very good though. It's been wild. Marbles sometime in the next few days. :)

[theotherackerman]

My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore

My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Any recognizable elements belong to Attack on Titan.

NOTES:

Flashback: Historia, age 13

Current time: Tuesday, January 5th

chapter nine: i wanna be your endgame

Historia had joined the group in junior high when her life had been uprooted. The boys had immediately swarmed her, showering her in attention. Much of that attention was unwanted, especially from Samuel and Daz.

It had been gym class when the teacher had proclaimed it was time for dodgeball. It was boys versus girls.

Historia was okay at this game but she noticed Daz had taken a liking to trying to get her out.

“Hey Historia, if I get you out, you have to go out with me!” He yelled.

“Hey! Same with me!” Samuel added.

She had done fairly well dodging and hiding but when two balls were headed directly her way, one from Samuel and one from Daz, she suddenly felt doomed.

Just as they were about to hit her, someone shoved her out of the way. Historia fell to the ground.

“Get them, Mikasa and Annie,” the girl with short brown hair said as she offered her hand to Historia.

Mikasa and Annie looked at one another, then nodded. They threw with deadly precision, getting both Daz and Samuel out.

Historia took the girl’s hand and she pulled her to her feet.

When lunch came, Historia was once again being pestered by Daz.

“You should sit with me,” he insisted.

Historia was too nice to say no. She needed friends here, even if they were creepy friends. Before she could answer, someone else spoke up.

“She can’t because she’s sitting with us,” said the same girl who had saved her in dodgeball.

Historia looked over at her new hero.

“You’re such a bitch, Ymir,” Daz scoffed.

“Oh wow, haven’t heard that one before,” Ymir said as she grabbed her lunch tray and walked away.

Historia followed the girl to the only table that seemed not to have a certain clique. She sat down in between Ymir and the girl with the black hair who had saved her earlier in the day.

“Alright, this is Historia, everyone,” Ymir announced. “I’m Ymir. That’s all I’ve got to say about myself. Let me introduce you to everyone else. So on this side of the table we’ve got Mikasa. Don’t let her looks fool you, she can kick anyone’s ass. She is pretty good at writing and playing piano too. Us girls go over to her house a lot for sleepovers.”

Mikasa gave Historia a small wave.

“Then there’s Annie, our resident math genius. Her dad is teaching her to play guitar. She’s the other half of our ass kicking team.”

“Hi,” Annie said before returning to drinking her milk.

“If anyone bothers you, just get one of those two. The one stuffing her face is Sasha. She’s in the school marching band, percussion.”

“Hi Historia,” Sasha said after swallowing the food she had been eating.

“Connie is next to Sasha. His parents own the farm next to Sasha’s with a huge pumpkin patch. He’s an all around good dude.”

“Aw, Ymir. You do like me. Hey Historia!” Connie called.

“The last person on this side is Jean. He’s….he’s Jean. If he gives you too much shit, just call him horse face. After you get to know him, he’s okay...most of the time.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Ymir? Stop calling me horse face!” Jean yelled from the end of the table.

Ymir ignored Jean, pointed to the boy sitting across from her. “This is Reiner. He’s probably going to be captain of the high school football team one day. He’s okay...most of the time.”

“What do you mean by that?!” Reiner asked.

“That’s Bertolt, he’s Reiner's best friend. Pretty cool guy once you get to know him.”

“Hi,” Bertolt said, not fully making eye contact.

“That’s Eren. He can be a bit of hot head sometimes. He and Jean get into a lot of arguments. He’s a pretty good guy though. Then right next to him is Armin. He’s our other genius. Armin, Mikasa, and Eren are literally inseparable. Find one, you’ll probably find the other two. Unless their class schedules split them up.”

“You’re not wrong,” Eren said before going back to talk to Mikasa.

“Hi,” Armin said as he gave a small wave.

“Floch is...well...he’s Floch. You’ll see what I mean,” Ymir introduced the second to last person.

“What does that mean?!” Floch asked.

Jean laughed, “your introduction was worse than mine!”

Ymir continued to ignore Jean and Floch. “ And the last person is Marco. He’s probably the  most normal out of all of us. He’s pretty smart too. Well, that’s everyone.”

“You’re in my piano class,” Mikasa said with a smile.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Historia prepared herself for the prying questions that would come from the table about her family, her money. She had already experienced them in most of her classes.

“Do you like playing piano?” Mikasa asked before sipping her milk.

Historia’s face lit up. It was the first time someone had actually asked her opinion on something.

“Yeah, actually, I do. What about you?” Historia bit into her sandwich.

Mikasa nodded before putting her milk back on the tray. “Yeah, my cousin plays. He had been teaching me. He’s a lot more helpful than Mr. Grice.”

“He’s awful! I thought it was just because I was new!”

“No, he just doesn’t know how to teach.”

When the bell rang, the group scattered. Mikasa, Ymir, and Historia ended up walking the same way to science class together. When they arrived, there was Daz in the front row.

“Hey Historia, I saved you a seat,” he called to her.

Mikasa just glared at him before taking Historia’s hand and led Historia to the lab table she shared with Ymir.

Daz said nothing.

---------------------

The coffee shop was mostly empty.

Ymir had been grateful for that.

“Hello! Welcome to Ral’s coffee shop!” The barista called from behind the counter. “So what can I get you two?”

“I’ll take an Americano with an extra shot, toffee syrup, 4 sugars, and cinnamon,” Ymir ordered.

“Can I get a macchiato with white chocolate syrup?” Historia ordered.

“Sure thing! I’ll get both of those done and bring them to you!” The barista said with a smile.

They left the register and wandered to a small table in the back corner of the coffee shop.

“You recognize anyone here from when you worked here?” Historia asked as she sat down.

“No, I don’t see Petra anywhere. She might have got married to Oluo finally,” Ymir said as she took the seat across from Historia.

A few moments later, the barista brought over their coffees.

“I never knew your mom was bipolar,” Historia said before taking a drink.

“Yeah, it’s not something I like to talk about,” Ymir muttered as she stared at her coffee cup.

“I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you talk to anyone besides me about your mom.”

Ymir took a drink of her coffee. This was not a conversation she had prepared for. “I said something to Mikasa about her the other day. It was about how I haven’t visited her grave since she died and my dad’s before that. Not a big deal. I mean what is there to say about her?”

“And your dad was a soldier, right?”

Ymir nodded.

“Yeah, see that you told me. That’s why Levi likes you so much.”

Ymir scoffed, “Levi feels pity for me. You know that’s why I don’t talk about this. I don’t want to see that pity in your eyes.”

“I don’t pity you, Ymir.”

“Okay…” She said sarcastically before taking a drink.

“Really? Deflecting again?” Historia rolled her eyes. “I thought we were supposed to talk.”

“Yeah, we were until you started bringing my parents up.”

“Oh, so are we not going to talk now? Ymir, if you don’t want this, just say it.”

“Are you really stupid enough to think I don’t want this? You’re the one who pushes me away. Dating Reiner, that farm boy. Always keeping me close enough but never actually saying your feelings for me. I’ve put it out there, Historia. I’ve loved you and been in love with you since we were thirteen. I’ve never hidden it. You’re the one sending the mix signals.”

“I’m not sending mixed signals!”

“You are!”

“Oh. Okay! So you just go on dates with other people? I didn’t realize we had an open relationship!” Ymir yelled.

“We never had a real relationship because you never asked me to be in one!” Historia yelled back at her.

The barista rounded the corner. “We had some customers complain…”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m leaving anyway,” Ymir stood up and pushed past the barista.

The cold January air hit her square in the face as she walked towards the bookshop where Sasha was waiting for them.

“YMIR!” She heard Historia’s voice behind her.

“What?” Ymir said as she turned around.

“That’s it?” Historia asked as she caught up. The heels of her boots clicked on the sidewalk.

“What’s it?”

“This? It’s over?”

“According to you, it never began.”

“Ymir...please don’t.”

“Don’t what? There’s nothing left for me to do. You think I have to ask you out.”

“Because I don’t know if you actually like me! How do I know it’s not because of my money or my family. All that farmer boy wanted was….”

Ymir kissed her, silencing her.

When she pulled away, she saw Historia smile. “You talk way too much, you know that?”

Historia laughed as Ymir took her hand into hers as they continued their walk to the bookstore.

“So…” Historia started.

“So what? I’ve proposed to you like fifteen times now, you turned me down. You wounded my pride. You get to do all the asking from now on.”

“....are you going to be my girlfriend then?”

“Are you asking?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

----------------------

This damn song was going to be the death of Mikasa.

Lyrics were not coming as they normally did.

And why couldn’t she stop thinking about the song on that damn flash drive?

What song hadn’t she finished with Eren?

And what could Eren have possibly done with it to improve it?

She didn’t want to ask Levi for the box back. Not yet, it was too soon. She had checked with him to see if there had been a letter. Levi confirmed that Eren wasn’t lying. There was indeed a letter and if she ever wanted it, it was there.

She sat in room, pen tapping on her notebook.

She needed a response to Eren’s song now. She wanted to tell him exactly how she had felt remembering things that had happened between them.

His song had been really beautiful.

That wasn’t the most surprising thing of the night though.

No, that went to Armin deciding to stay at Eren’s place with him. It was good for them though.

Not to mention that Mikasa had been concerned about Eren staying alone after what he told her.

With Armin there, things would be easy.

She heard a strange sound coming from the bathroom.

Like someone was getting sick.

She tried to remember who was in the house.

Levi and Hange were at dog training for the puppies.

Sasha had gone with Ymir and Historia.

She heard crying which pulled her from her thoughts.

She left her room and knocked on the bathroom door.

“Annie?” She asked.

“I’m fine,” a cracked voice said from the other side of the door.

“I don’t believe you.”

Water ran and turned back off. The door opened to reveal a tear streaked face.

“Leave it alone, Mikasa. You’ve got enough to worry about,” Annie said as she pushed past Mikasa.

“You’re not eating and then…”

“No! No.”

“Well I know you tried the extreme diet once.”

“It was a fast and no. It’s not that. I’m fine, really.” Annie walked back to the room she was staying in.

“Annie, something is going on. You asked Levi to live here when you could have gone home to your dad. Sasha, I get living here. It’s far from the farm. You’re only a few blocks away.”

“I said leave it alone, Mikasa.”

“Annie, did your dad kick you out?”

Annie threw her arms up defeated. “Okay, yeah. He did. Is that what you want to hear?”

“No, I just know you better than almost anyone here. Well, besides Armin, he knows you best.”

Annie sat down on the bed, “can we not talk about Armin right now?”

“Did you have a fight?” Mikasa asked as she sat down next to her.

Annie immediately started crying again as she shook her head. Mikasa didn’t know what to do. Annie kept everything inside. It wasn’t because she didn’t care, it was the opposite. People sometimes would write Annie off as unfeeling but that was simply not true. She just didn’t speak unless she felt like she could add something to the conversation.

Annie ended up resting her head on Mikasa’s shoulder while Mikasa just held her. Mikasa had never seen Annie like this. She was always so put together so whatever it was, it had to be big.

After a while of Annie just crying, she finally spoke, “you’re the only one besides my dad and Levi who know. You can’t tell anyone.”

“You told Levi?” Mikasa asked as she pulled away.

“I didn’t have much of a choice. I needed a place to stay but I needed to give him a reason.”

“Okay?”

“Swear to me. Not Historia, Ymir, or Sasha. Especially not Eren or Armin.”

“I swear.”

Annie looked at Mikasa before holding out her pinky to the other girl. Mikasa wrapped her own pinky finger around Annie’s.

Annie took a deep breath before speaking, “I’m pregnant.”

[lunap95]

Kurobas Vday Challenge Day 7 - Akafuri

Hey, hey, hey! Well this is the last one, I had a wonderful time doing this so thank @vanilla-daydreams and @theuglycrybaby for organising this. For the free day I have to go back to Akafuri because I absolutely love them, but also because this is something I wanted to write for Akafuri day in Novembre but most probably I would not be able to do it (sorry in advance) so at least I wrote this XD.

---

The Rakuzan castle was illuminated by thousands of lights, the halls were full of garlands and even the royal guards were celebrating. The entrance had not stopped receiving important personalities since that morning. The first ones were prince Kise Ryouta and his personal guard Kasamatsu Yukio in the name of the Kingdom of Kaijou. Midorima Shintarou was quickly to follow representing Shutoku with his court led by his trusted advisor Takao Kazunari. Empress Momoi Satsuki of Touou arrived a few hours before the ball and dragged her fiancé Aomine Daiki to get ready for it. Yosen was the last one to make an appearance if only because their prince Murasakibara Atsushi overslept even after all the attempts of his husband Himuro Tatsuya to wake him up. But with his attendance all the kingdoms of the Teiko alliance were finally reunited after so many years of fights and quarrels. Everything thanks to the help of the foreign kingdom of Seirin who had been invited as special guests to the ball. King Hyuuga and Queen Riku could not attend but they had sent prince Kagami Taiga and his court to the ball in their name.

In any other occasion, Akashi Seijuurou would be more than happy to see his cousin Kuroko Tetsuya again especially after he ran away from Rakuzan and ended up getting into a relationship with the young Seirin prince. But not this dreaded day. Because of all these people, all the celebrations were for him. In three months, he will be 18 and therefore as the heir of the biggest empire he needed to find a partner before the coronation. Traditions in Rakuzan were too important to be taken lightly so unless he found a person to marry, he would never touch the crown. However, thanks to his deceased mother he was free to choose the person he desired, something his father loathed because according to him his marriage would be a great chance to ally with any of the kingdoms. Akashi did not know how to explain to his father that none of the princes was exactly available as they were all in a relationship. So here he was, preparing himself for the three months celebrations that were supposed to be held on his honour.

“You are too stiff, Sei-chan,” mussed Mibuchi Reo while he tried to fix his cape.

“I just don’t see the point of parading myself among strangers who are only after my throne.”

“Come on,” Mibuchi patted him on the shoulder. “Be there a few minutes with Kuroko and the rest and then sneak out to the library, I will leave it open for you to hide.”

Akashi could not help but smile at the kindness his friend was offering him. Even though she was not the head librarian of the Rakuzan castle, Mibuchi always had the keys of the place which Akashi suspected was because she stole them from Mayuzumi. But as real the head librarian had never complained about it, he never mentioned it. He let Mibuchi fuss over his hair a bit more deciding that he should try to stay the whole night and leave the library as a last option.

After two hours, Akashi excused himself and slipped away from the ball. The whole party had been exhausting but at least his friends tried to keep most of the guests away taking turns to speak with him. But Akashi could not help but feel a bit bad that he was taking them from such a wonderful night. So, after a while he decided the library was going to the best option. The moment he entered the room he felt the peace of the place invade him. Leaving his crown and cape on Mayuzumi’s desk he started to walk slowly by the bookshelves. When he found a book interesting enough, he approached the light that he thought belonged to the head librarian. However, his surprise was huge when instead of white hair he found a brunet boy completely focused on his reading. A bit puzzled, Akashi studied his face sensing some familiarity on his features. Before his brain could specify of what did he know this man, the brunet noticed his presence.

“Oh! I’m sorry,” apologised with a bright smile. “I thought I was the only one who was going to ditch the party.”

“I’m afraid you’re not,” answered Akashi still not knowing why this stranger was smiling. “May I know what are you doing here?”

“Well, I don’t see the point in the whole ball thing,” shrugged the boy. “And Kuroko always talks about how big the Rakuzan library is so of course I had to come to check it,” he suddenly seemed to notice something. “Wait, am I allowed to be here? I assure you I didn’t want to trespass or anything.”

“Do not worry, the library is open to everyone who could ever need it, although Kuroko usually praised Seirin library” apart from mentioning Kuroko the boy was wearing white, red and black so it was not that hard to guess he was from Seirin.

“He does?” he blushed a bit. “It’s a bit small but I guess we have a lot of knowledge to offer.”

“You study Seirin’s folklore?”

“I’m actually the head library of the castle,” he offered a hand. “Furihata Kouki.”

“Oh, you’re the one who found out about the mystic art of the Zone.”

“N-n-n-no,” Akashi did not know why watching Furihata blush was so funny. “I just pointed out a few legends to Kagami and Kuroko, they did the rest.”

“It was a force to be recognised,” he took a seat next to Furihata. “We also tried to master it but I’m afraid we still have much research to do.”

“You are a librarian too?”

Akashi then realised that even with his hair and eyes, Furihata had not noticed who he was. Deep down he knew he should answer with the truth, but his conversation with Furihata was the nicest one he had that day. The boy also seemed to be well versed in the folklore of his country which was a subject of deep interest to him but that he will not probably discuss with a potential enemy. Rakuzan and Seirin had a peace alliance but no one knew when the tables could turn. So, if he confessed his identity to Furihata the most probable outcome was that the boy decided to stop speaking with him about the secrets of his homeland. Also, there was something in this boy that made Akashi want to know more about him which might be difficult if his status became an issue.

“Yes,” answered after a moment. If Furihata found it strange he did not mention it. “I’m learning under Mayuzumi’s guidance. My name is… Mibuchi Seijuurou.”

“Nice to meet a fellow colleague.”

The prince smiled to himself while he took his hand feeling the warmth of his skin. This looked like the promising beginning of a nice friendship. As long as Furihata did not discover who he truly was he could get to know him better. Nothing could go wrong.

Right?

[galaxyofstories]

Just ‘cause we can, does that mean we should? - An Altered Carbon (S1&S2) Review

Stories of immortality, the fountain of youth, and shapeshifting are throughout our stories. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde explores the idea of staying young and the corruption of the soul. From Bram Stoker's Dracula to every other vampire story told we see those ideas played out repeatedly. These ideas even come up in folklore from around the world. So needless to say, humanity has always wondered about immortality, youth, and shapeshifting.

Before we start, I have some questions for you. You don't need to answer them, instead, think about them. I mean really consider what it would mean.

What if we could live forever? If death is a part of life, and death is removed, is that really life? But what if there was still a possibility of death, but could technically (under the right circumstances) live forever, would birth and eventual death even matter? What if we could change our faces? Our bodies? If we can change our bodies, should we still worry about illness and disease? If we can change what we look like and we can live forever, does money and power still dictate us? What would humanity be like? How would we change with time as a species? As individuals? Would it be worth it? Does anything matter if our physical does not matter? Just because we can, does that mean we should?

This is Altered Carbon's universe. Humanity has moved beyond Earth (in fact, I think Earth is mentioned only once... and it's pretty far into the series) and we have found a way to become basically immortal. Cool, right?

There are spoilers approaching. Get Ready.

You're immortal, as long as you don't get your stack busted. The stack holds everything that makes up a person (experiences, memories, feelings, thoughts... everything). Stacks can be moved from sleeve (body) to sleeve with very little consequence. Well... That is if you're a Met, a rich person. And the poor... Well... If your stack is intact, you're still a live, but not physically there. Sometimes the poor can afford to rent a sleeve, but the series hints that even renting is a luxury. So what now? We don't die unless our stacks are destroyed, and we can look like anybody we want to look like. What do we do as a species?

Do we socially evolve? Yes and no. Yes: No longer is skin color a factor in a person's worth. Which, honestly, is really fucking awesome. You can go from being born Japanese/Russian to being a Caucasian guy to being a black guy. Since anybody can look like anybody, racism isn't a problem. Yay! Since racism isn't a problem, we see diverse families and relationships. So, point for AC! However, I did wonder what that means in reality. I'm sure there were people complaining about changing the main character's race from Asian descent to Caucasian. I understand why it is a problem when this does occur in other stories, but the changing of race is part of the series. It again, shows that in AC's universe you can look like anybody! I wouldn't have been upset if they stayed with an Asian actor for the whole series, but the dramatic change just drives home that race isn't important in AC.

No: Humans have not socially evolved as far as the economic classes are concerned. There is still a "1%" which holds all power and all the money and they still only care about themselves. The poor are nothing to them. There is no problem, unless it threatens them or their way of life. I'm glad this was in the series because it makes AC's idea of a future more realistic as a possibility for us. Granted, it's more than likely not going to happen, especially with the fact that we haven’t even been to Mars... Mars is 106 million miles away, but C'MON! In the 60s they thought we would have colonies all across the galaxy! Or at least on the Moon. In all honesty, I'm disappointed that we aren't even living on the moon in this day 'n' age. That's beside the point. The point is, the idea some people have that they are better than other people persist even in a universe where none of that should matter. Maybe the creator was hinting at the idea that greed and lust of/for power is a part of the human condition.

Has the human condition changed? No, besides the fact that in the previous paragraph I basically said it does not, there's another example. In AC, as humanity spread out in the galaxy seeking new home planets, we did what humanity historically does... We assumed we were more important beings. Killed indigenous life. And stole their secrets and their lands. Humanity might not be a lot of things, but we are damn predictable. Woo!

Oh. And by the way, just in case you were wondering, sex still sells. In fact, I'm pretty sure it’s one of the main industries on many planets in AC. And it's actually a large part of the first season's story line. Without it, there would have been no motivations for certain characters to do the things they did and the whole season would be like three episodes. With that being said, in season 2 there is less sex. So, at multiple times while watching season 2 I had to wonder, just for a hot minute, if the show's writers and creator added all the sex and nudity just to get their show sold on Netflix. Upon reflection, I decided that yes, some of the sex and nudity (seriously halfway through the first season you see multiple breasts, butts, vaginas, and 1 penis) but I also really think it was an important aspect to the story.

Are you guys ready for my opinion about the show?

If you haven't guessed it, I really enjoyed it!

I didn't think I would like it at first. Sex and nude bodies within minutes of the first episode of shows usually don't grab my attention. Like, I came here for a story! Not soft porn! (Which is why I never got into True Blood despite the fact I love vampiric stories!) However, I love stories that are intricate webs. Almost like spiderwebs. If you touch one thread, the whole web vibrates. And that is what Altered Carbon is. It is a complicated web of mystery, interesting characters, and emotions.

For some, it could be hard to get into because it is so complicated and honestly a bit weird, but if something isn't complicated and weird is it really worth the time?

I also really liked this show because the cast is very diverse!

So all those hypothetical questions I asked at the beginning are questions that I feel like Altered Carbon is trying to answer through the story of Takeshi Kovacs. He's been away from the world for more than two centuries. Hired by a Met to solve the Met's death, which is the main mystery and even though it seems like an obvious whodunit, it is more complicated than it seems. And so is Takeshi.

He's not just a fantastic martial artist and weapon's expert. He is a brother, a friend, and a lover. (And let’s be honest, crazy attractive no matter the sleeve!)

Thinking back, none of the characters are one dimensional. Each one has their own motivations, past, and does the one thing that is important in storytelling, each one grows (whether good or bad). I’ll do a bit about some of the characters, but not all.

Takeshi Kovacs When we first meet him, he’s a dick that hallucinates. I mean, he’s always a dick, but we don’t know why he’s such a dick or why he hallucinates (my money had been on the drugs…). He just wants to find a place to lay his head, maybe get his rocks off, and drink. That’s all he is in most of the first episode. By the end of the first episode you’re left wondering who the hell this guy is! And why the hell is he such a good fighter even though he hadn’t been in the physical plain for more than two centuries! As the series progresses you learn bits and pieces here and there. By the end of season 1, you know who he is. He is Takeshi Kovacs, The Last Envoy.

Kristin Ortega My first thought was either she needed to hop on that dick or go fly a kite. Honestly, I don’t like that that was my first impression of her. She grew on me a lot. In fact, her storyline brought the religious aspect into the story. If we can live forever, would God be okay with that? It was really interesting to me to think about that. Anywho, back to Kristin… There are times that I think her character gets away with more than she should, but again, it fits in well with the whole plotline of the show.

Quellcrist Falconer THIS BITCH RIGHT HERE. HBIC! UGH!!!! She is so cool!!!! I love this character so much! A little less in season 2 because she doesn’t come off as strong as she does in season 1, but it is explained why she’s not as boss bitch. Aaaannd, it’s understandable. But seriously! She is really really awesome! Leader of a rebel cause, extraordinary fighter, master of her world… SO GREAT. And honestly she has some of the best philosophical one liners.

Poe Probably the most human out of all of them. I really enjoy the character. He’s sweet, kind, and smart.

Reileen Kawahara I’m going to let you decide. I haven’t decided for myself yet. Jaeger A fucking asshat. I’m just going to leave it at that. So, this is where I will stop (partially because I've been working on this for days and I just want it posted!) The main takeaway is that IF YOU LIKE STORIES THAT ARE DEEP, COMPLICATED, AND WEIRD WATCH THIS SHOW!! YOU WILL BE SO GLAD YOU DID! And please let me know what you thought of it! I would really love to talk about this show more! If I think of anything else to add I shall post again! Thank you!

[secretlyatargaryen]

July 2019 Reviews

Games

Walden, a game - A delightful experience for those who love games and literature and the idea of them together. The best parts of the game are the quotes from Thoreau's book that appear on the screen when you examine something closely, like a fox or a maple tree, complete with great voice acting. The ecological detail put into the game is impressive. The worst part is that the game mechanics for completing tasks are clunky and there is very little time each day before the game forces you to go to sleep and begin the next day, and your hunger, fuel, and shelter meter always seems to be low, causing you to spend the majority of your daylight hours picking berries and collecting firewood. I get that this is supposed to mirror the experience of "living simply," but 1) it is boringly repetitive and if anything calls to mind the irony of “being one with nature” in a computer game and 2) there are a lot of other interesting things to do in the game which you do not have enough time to do, such as helping escaped slaves on their way to the underground railroad. I learned playing this game that Henry David Thoreau was basically every guy I met in college who hated the government and whose solution to its atrocities was to fuck off into the woods and smoke pot instead of actually doing anything about it. This analogy is completed by the fact that you are able to go into town and get food and clean laundry from your parents' house if you get too low on those things.

Black Mirror (2017) - No, not the Netflix series. This is a re-imagining of the Black Mirror series of adventure games developed in the early 2000s. The original game is considered a classic of point and click adventures but suffers from an unoriginal plot (obligatory part where I once again complain about horror games and their obsession with "Surprise! You're crazy! Dead women!") and the unfortunateness of early 3D polygon graphics. The second and third game took the series in a completely new and original direction and were quite good, so while I had never heard of the remake before I came across it during the steam summer sale, I was cautiously hopeful. Even if it was trash, it's just the kind of gothic-mystery-exploring-a-haunted-castle trash that I like to throw my money at. The gameplay is pretty fun (minus some quick time events where you can get killed by ghosts mostly by failing to operate the somewhat clunky controls - the game was originally ported for PS4) and the story is original but also expands upon the series mythos. An enjoyable trashy gothic yarn, although the story also felt incomplete, even to someone who has played the original games, and was both wrapped up too quickly and left weirdly unresolved.

Books

Greenglass House, Kate Milford - I started this book a while ago and it’s been on my radar for a while, and I restarted it again when I heard it was going to be on this year’s BOB list. A fun young adult adventure story which utilizes one of my favorite mystery tropes, the closed circle. The story is that preteen Milo lives in the eponymous house, which his family runs as an inn. The house used to be a meeting place for smugglers back in the day, which means there’s buried treasure somewhere in the house, and when the story starts a slew of guests arrive at the house and are stranded by a snowstorm, when things start getting mysterious. Someone in the house is a thief! I really like this book and the way that the story’s original folklore is woven into the plot. There are also several dungeons and dragons elements that play a role in the plot - to solve the mystery, Milo and his friend Meddy pretend to be characters in a role-playing game, and I love the way the story makes connections between games, stories, and language, since that happens to align with my interests.

Serafina and the Black Cloak, Robert Beatty - Another BOB book, this one also has been on my radar for a while because the series is very popular among my students, and when I went to Beatty’s website recently I saw that Disney had already put their name on it, lol. What I didn’t know was that the series takes place in my state. The setting is the Biltmore Estate in the late 1800s, and the story is a historical fantasy that utilizes some of the local folklore in some really interesting ways, although it’s more fantasy than historical. An enjoyable read with an interesting female protagonist.

Movies

Ready Player One - I enjoyed this movie a lot more than I thought I would. I had heard going into it that it was not a great adaptation from friends who loved the book, which I haven’t read. That might be why I did enjoyed it so much. I don’t think it’s anything that memorable, but it is enjoyable. I can see why the book became so popular, although I’ve read books with similar storylines. I guess a book like this is more relevant nowadays with the popularity of VR in the modern gaming market, but the story relied on some tired cliches nonetheless. I also was a bit annoyed when the story acknowledged the issue with the main character falling for Artemis’ idealistically beautiful avatar without really knowing her...and then had her turn out to be stunningly gorgeous in real life. Okay, she had a wine-stain disfigurement on her face, but she was still traditionally beautiful, and the main character gets to be with her in the end while meanwhile, his actual best friend, who turns out to be an unfeminine black girl in real life and who obviously has a crush on him, is left behind.

Picnic At Hanging Rock - I come across this movie on gothic film recommendation lists every so often and have wanted to watch it for years, and I happened to find it on youtube, which surprised me. The original movie is from 1975 and is a cult classic for a reason. Stunning visuals and a story that leaves you confused in the just the right way. After watching it, I was itching to learn more and came across last year’s amazon prime series with Natalie Dormer and watched all six episodes, and although the series was enjoyable and a good extension for anyone who enjoys the original movie, it does not have the charm or brilliance of the original. The series expands on the story, but part of the beauty of the original movie is the way the story is told in what isn’t said, and in carefully choreographed scenes where nobody on screen says a word. I can see why the movie is called “gothic” as it has some of the trappings of the genre. It takes place in 1900 at a remote and mysterious boarding school in Australia. Three girls vanish during a school field trip, seemingly without a trace. What happened to them may have been supernatural. Or they may have been murdered, kidnapped, or run off on their own. Also, I’m pretty sure everyone is gay.

We Have Always Lived in the Castle - I’m a huge fan of the Shirley Jackson novel which this movie is an adaptation of, and unlike Netflix’s The Haunting of Hill House, this movie is actually a fairly straight adaptation of the novel. The movie captures the gothic feel of the book as well as the anxiety about gender and class from which it gets its themes, and there are solid performances all around, but the movie does seem a bit devoid of a life of its own. Despite, and possibly because of, the voice-over narration, Merricat never really comes alive as a character the way she does in the book. This is, I think, a problem with a lot of book to movie adaptations that rely on voice-overs to tell the story. I can see the appeal of this, especially with a book like this which is both heavily steeped in POV and characterized by an unreliable narrator, but I found myself really wishing the movie would just let itself tell the story rather than the narrator.

Shows

American Gods - I watched all of season two on the starz website except for the finale, which I was told that I needed to upgrade by account to watch, so if you are watching on the website or the app be aware of that. I enjoyed season two, although it lacked some of the urgency of the first season. I do enjoy some of the adaptational choices made that update the novel a bit, such as having Technology be outsourced by New Media. Also, season two saw the arrival of my daughter, Sam Black Crow. I’m also looking forward to the Lakeside subplot next season (I assume) as it’s my favorite part of the novel.

Stranger Things - I watched the first four episodes of season one when it came out, and then for some reason never finished it. I know, I know. It didn’t take me very long to watch all three seasons, which I sort of interpreted as one as a result, although I do think there’s a drop in quality somewhere in the second/third season, but overall it’s a fun show that definitely kept me interested and invested in the characters. Also, every scene relating to the upside down motivated me to clean my bathroom.

[inknerd]

Reading Wrap-Up: Summer 2018 (June to August)

The books I read and finished from June to August 2018! I feel like it’s been a good summer for me and books, despite that I haven’t read all the books I’d hoped to (mainly because there was A LOT), but these are all the books I read during the summer, 23 in total; perhaps you read some of them too?

WARCROSS by MARIE LU ★★★★☆ | 353 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2017 |

I was pleasantly surprised how little time it took for me to read this. I’m looking forward to the sequel! + It was very engaging and I liked the world that Lu painted up for the reader. - You could sort of see the plot twist coming (not that it was a bad one) and the supposed “friendships” fell flat for me.

CROOKED KINGDOM by LEIGH BARDUGO ★★★★★ | 536 pages | 6 days to read | Published 2016 |

Whatever hesistance I had reading Six of Crows (which was very little, by the end of it) completely evaporated reading Crooked Kingdom. It’s great! + The characters were what really hooked me on this story in the first place, and I really liked how we got to know more about them. Especially Wylan, who became my favourite. - I wouldn’t like to spoil anything, but there’s certain parts of the ending that I might have wanted to change. Might.

VICIOUS by V.E. SCHWAB ★★★★★ | 368 pages | 2 days to read | Published 2013 |

Started out sort of-maybe liking it but then I really got going. I’m SO down to buy the sequel as soon as it gets out. + The characters, their motivations, stories, and powers were all so intruiging! - I can’t really come up with something to complain about? It took some time to get into, I guess.

THE PENELOPIAD by MARGARET ATWOOD ★★★★☆ | 198 pages | 2 days to read | Published 2005 |

I’d looked for another greek myth retelling ever since I read The Song of Achilles, and this was a great one! It’s also the first Margaret Atwood book I ever read, and I absolutely want to read more books by her. + It was very beautifully written and explored characters I’d never seen explored and in a way that felt very original, even for more known characters as Odysseus and Helena. - It could get a little boring, at times.

CALL ME BY YOUR NAME by ANDRÉ ACIMAN ★★★☆☆ | 248 pages | 3 days to read | Published 2007 |

I wanted to read the book before I saw the movie. I still haven’t seen the movie, but I will...someday. + It was a very beautiful book, in certain ways. The language and the overall feeling of just everything was dripping of the pages and made it hard to stop reading while the book also felt way longer than it actually was. - But I also felt strangely...underwhelmed by the whole thing? Like I get why people like it but at the same time it was a somewhat strange book were not much happened. I also don’t get why everyone makes such a big fuss about the peach scene when there’s a literal scene where they watch each other take a shit. Like. I’m serious.

ELIZA AND HER MONSTERS by FRANCESCA ZAPPIA ★★★☆☆ | 385 pages | 2 days to read | Published 2017 | 

When there’s a book about fandom experience in some form I usually want to read it. Sadly, for me this didn’t quite live up to, let’s say Fangirl (which I love), but was still an enjoying read. + I liked the whole thing with Monstrous Sea and how it included other parts of fandom from fanart, fanfiction, cosplay, but also how it can be hard to make people from the outside understand. - Not all of it simply clicked for me.

MEMORIES OF EMANON by SHINJI KAJIO & KENJI TSURUTA ★★★★☆ | 175 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2008 |

Man, I can’t believe I hadn’t read this manga before!  + The art was beautiful, Kenji Tsuruta just made Emanon so pretty as well as the background and it all fit so well with the story. The story itself was very intruiging, I’d like to know more about Emanon and all her lives. - There was this one thing that bothered me about Emanon and how her memories sort of transfered to her offspring, and it could get a little confusing at times but at the same time it was part of the charm of this little story.

JIM HENSON’S LABYRINTH: THE NOVELIZATION by A.C.H SMITH, JIM HENSON & BRIAN FROUD ★★★★☆ | 288 pages | 7 days to read | Published 2014 (1986) |

When I found out this existed I was mindblown. You mean to say there’s a novelisation of one of my favourite movies and I haven’t read it yet!? There seems to be no physical copies left, but lucky for me there was a e-book version available! + It was so much fun to revisit the story and dive deeper into the characters. I feel like I got a deeper appreciation of some and more frustration from others, despite the book almost following the movie to a T. - Like...okay. The story wasn’t that great - if you weren’t a fan of Labyrinth before this book or haven’t seen the movie this book probably won’t give you much, to be honest. Sadly, the pictures of Henson’s written notes in the end wasn’t really readable either. At least not for me, who can’t read cursive for shit, especially when it’s sloppy.

ELLA ENCHANTED by GAIL CARSON LEVINE ★★★☆☆ | 232 pages | 2 days to read | Published 1998 |

Another book that I read because I love the movie so much! This one came before the movie, though. + It was very witty and gave new perspective to characters I already love. The world of Ella Enchanted was somewhat different from the movie (actually, a lot of things was, especially the main plot changed tremendously) and I felt like the book more than the movie focused on Ella and her curse and how she felt about it and how it affected her entire life even after it was broken. The romance was also very cute. - Perhaps it’s because I saw the movie first and it’s so funny and one of my favourites, but I missed some of its elements when reading the book. I wished I’d read the book when I was younger, I think I’d liked it even more then.

AN ASSEMBLY SUCH AS THIS ★★★☆☆, DUTY AND DESIRE ★☆☆☆☆ & THESE THREE REMAIN ★★☆☆☆ by PAMELA AIDAN | 1073 pages | 12 days to read | Published 2006-2007 |

These are all part of the Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman series - which is a Pride and Prejudice story from Darcy’s perspective. + When I read the first book I really thought I’d found the P&P retelling from Darcy’s perspective I’d been looking for. It was very promising and funny to see through his eyes and how he and Elizabeth misunderstood each other. - The rest of the series didn’t go as well. Duty and Desire was plain boring and had no feeling from the original work by Austen. These Three Remain was slightly better simply because it returned to the original setting of P&P, but by then I was already too bored to enjoy the story any longer.

LET’S TALK ABOUT LOVE by CLAIRE KANN ★★★☆☆ | 288 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2018 |

I was so excited for this book. Asexuality! In YA! Just what I needed and craved. Still crave, actually. + The story was very cute, and I could connect with a lot of what was talked about. The supporting characters were also very funny and well-developed. The friendship of this story were more interesting to read than the romance, in certain ways. - As cute as the story was and how refreshing it was with an ace main character, there isn’t much more to say about this book. It was good. It was nice. Not much else. The overall plot was pretty standard beneath it all.

GOBLIN MARKET AND OTHER POEMS by CHRISTINA ROSSETTI ★★★★☆ | 135 pages | 6 weeks | Published 2017 (1862) |

I heard about this for the first time in my Literature class at uni, and was immideatly interested in reading it. And let’s just say this is among my favourite poetry collections of all time now. + The poem Goblin Market was a clear favourite, but the whole first section of the book was so pretty and a fantastic read. I underlined a lot of lines that stood out to me. - The later parts of the book was to me not enjoyable as the first one. I definitely felt more drawn to the poems of Rossetti that took inspiration from nature and folklore rather than the ones who talked a lot about Christianity and Jesus.

UNNATURAL CREATURES by NEIL GAIMAN (editor) ★★★☆☆ | 462 pages | 32 days to read | Published 2013 |

This was a collection of short stories selected by Neil Gaiman (one of them written by him). And as always, as soon as I see the man’s name I feel compelled to read whatever it is he’s written or edited. + I really liked reading the first part of this collection! All the stories are very cool and the book has a very wide range of unnatural creatures. From dictator wasps to griffins to werewolves.  - As it should be, some stories appealed to me more than others. Some were pretty boring.

THE DARKEST MINDS by ALEXANDRA BRACKEN ★★★☆☆ | 488 pages | 5 days to read | Published 2012 |

When I saw the trailer of the movie it looked very interesting, so I quickly got myself an e-book copy and read it before the movie came out. + Overall it was a good book. The setting and the powers within the universe were good and the book was well-written. - At the same time I feel like I’ve fallen out of the YA dystopian genre a bit. It didn’t feel like The Darkest Minds gave me anything and I’d seen the characters before in a lot of different YA literature. I don’t feel super eager to continue on with this series, but maybe I will anyway.

FURYBORN by CLAIRE LEGRAND ★★★★☆ | 512 pages | 14 days to read | Published 2018 |

This book was so hyped on booktube, the cover was amazing and the premise sounded exciting. I’m glad to say that it wasn’t disappointing! + What I loved the most was how everything revealed itself over the chapters. I constantly tried to figure out how everything fit together and the suspense was thrilling. The characters are also very well-written. - I was good, but I can’t say the plot really took a hold of me and forced me to continue on reading. It took a while to read, and by the end of it my thoughts were “well, this was good! I’m looking forward to the sequel” and not much else.

HER BODY AND OTHER PARTIES by CARMEN MARIA MACHADO ★★☆☆☆ | 248 pages | 11 days to read | Published 2017 |

I heard about this book somewhere online saying it was a very interesting and worthy read. Luckily I found it at a library and read the collection of short stories during a period of time. + As it normally is with short story collections, some you like and some you like less. I think my favourite in Her Body and Other Parties was the first one, then I sort of lost more and more interest. It was very beautifully written and poetic, though. - I just didn’t have enough energy to completely understand all the stories and what they were trying to say. It just wasn’t my cup of tea.

HOUSE OF LEAVES by MARK Z. DANIELEWSKI ★★★★☆ | 709 pages | 2 days to read | Published 2000 |

Jeez, this was a weird book. But I liked it. I thought for sure it would take me ages to read this - especially once I started and almost fell asleep after 20 pages - but then it took hold of me and I just couldn’t stop. + What’s definitely the most interesting about this book is it’s weird style. It’s like a medium inside a medium inside a medium; with footnotes stretching over entire pages, text being upside down or just blank pages with only one or two words written. It helped the story being even more creepy. - Though the medium sort of makes the story, it’s also why this book is so hard and frustrating to read. There could be lists of names that one just didn’t care enough to skim through or sudden breaks in the main story for page-long articles about greek myths, history, or other things that just made me want to return to the actual horror story that I was reading.

THE TEA DRAGON SOCIETY by KATIE O’NEILL ★★★★☆ | 72 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2017 |

Aww, this is one of the cutest, warmest graphic novels I’ve ever read! + The art was so cute and fit the story perfectly. The characters were so colourful and funny, I almost wish it was longer! The information about tea dragons at the end was also very enjoying to read. - I don’t really have any actual complaints.

MY SOLO EXCHANGE DIARY by NAGATA KABI ★★★☆☆ | 168 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2018 |

The awaited sequel to My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness! + I love the art of this manga so damn much. You have no idea. It’s just so cute even when it deals with so serious issues. And it’s PINK! - I felt like I didn’t understand or connect to this one as much as I did with the first one. Her ideas and descriptions of humans and human relationships are very interesting and thought-provoking, but more than once I had some issues with understanding.

THE WEIGHT OF FEATHERS by ANNE-MARIE MCLEMORE ★★★☆☆ | 308 pages | 2 days to read | Published 2015 |

This is Mclemore’s debut novel, and I’m absolutely thinking about checking out some of her other books. + The magic realism and scenery are amazing. The two shows - one with “mermaids” and the other with tree-climbing “fairies” - are amazing and so imaginative. - The story didn’t really catch a hold of me and I wasn’t overly invested in the romance either.

OF FIRE AND STARS by AUDREY COULTHURST ★★★☆☆ | 389 pages | 4 days to read | Published 2016 |

A fantasy novel featuring two princesses in love? Sign me up. + I quite liked the universe and character Coulthurst made, they all felt very real and human. - I felt disconnected from the magic system and the plot. I didn’t really care much for what happened outside of Mare and Denna’s relationship - the political intrigue wasn’t interesting for me.

THE ASTONISHING COLOR OF AFTER by EMILY X.R. PAN ★★★☆☆ | 462 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2018 |

Another debut novel filled with feelings, colours and magical realism - I’d looked forward to reading this so much! + The topic of colours that is brought up chapter after chapter and the significance of the feathers and the bird - it all makes this book seem more magical. - As interesting and beautiful this book was, I can’t say it really stood out to me. While being a good book, it didn’t make me feel anything special, you know?

EVERY HEART A DOORWAY by SEANAN MCGUIRE ★★★★★ | 169 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2016 |

Like, I knew I was going to love this book, so I’m still confused why it took me so long until I picked it up? + Just, god, the worldbuilding!? The characters!? I loved how peculiar they all were and how they sort of incarnated the worlds they’d been to. Also, asexual main character? You got me hooked. - Honestly just the fact that it felt a bit too short? I would’ve liked more! More about the characters and worlds they’d lived in (though I think that’s shown more in the sequels to this?)

[askullinajar]

The Shattered Frame (Part 5/7)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Fic info: this is a sequel to my previous fic, The Living Ghost so go read that or this won’t make sense. Rating: General. Pairings: Lucy/Lockwood, Holly/Rani. Ao3 link: here.

A cluster of hauntings in a decrepit manor and the dripping spectre of a woman dressed all in black hits a little too close to home for Lockwood & Co’s newest member.

WARNING: There’s some detail about near-drowning at the start. Idk if anyone will be affected by that, but if you are, I won’t be offended if you skip it. Just Ctrl + F your way to ‘strong hands’. Happy reading, everyone!

Part 5 – An Icy Swim

The cold hit me all at once, seeping into my clothes, biting into my skin. My heart raced, blood rushed in my ears, I almost gasped for air in my blind panic. As a reflex, I thrashed around, frantically trying to get back to the surface, but I’d fallen in at an odd angle and struggled to contort my body the right way around.

After a terrifying few seconds, I managed to force my way to the surface, but I barely had time to gasp for air, and to see Lockwood being blasted back from the pool with Elizabeth reaching out for him, before the water churned around me and dragged me under again.

Lockwood. He needed help. I needed to help him.

I kicked my legs frantically, trying to fight against the heavy equipment on my belt that was pulling me down, but my hefty boots weighed my legs down. That, the numbing cold, the ghost lock creeping into my heart… it all made my movements sluggish.

I reached out and grasped at the edge of the pool, but my hands slid on the slimy tiles. My lungs screamed for oxygen. I tried to keep a grip on the edge of the pool, tried to gather enough strength to haul myself up.

Distantly, I heard people shouting. I recognised my friends’ voices; George and Kipps, then Holly and Skully. They’d help Lockwood. He’d be okay.

My head pounded painfully, my chest burned. I was cold, so cold. And tired.

I couldn’t stifle my reflexes anymore. I gasped for air, and water rushed into my lungs in its place. My fingers slipped from the tiles…

Then strong hands grabbed my arms and hauled me out of the water.

I sat there, on the wet grass, pressed up against Lockwood’s chest and coughing water up.

“Lucy? Lucy, are you alright?”

I gasped for air between coughing fits, and each breath seemed to rip my throat apart on the way down. I clutched at the arm Lockwood had around my torso for support, shivering violently. He was staring at me, eyes wide and frantic.

“Oh, I’m just dandy,” I croaked out at last, though I guess I didn’t convince him because he removed his coat and wrapped it tightly around me.

The others stood nearby, looking terrified as they gazed down at me.

“What happened?” I said.

“We got here just as it… Elizabeth was about to touch Lockwood,” Holly said. “Skully sort of…blasted her away.”

I looked over at my friend. He seemed pale and was staring into space with hollow eyes.

George seemed to have noticed, too. “Alright there, Skully? You look like –”

“If you say like I’ve seen a ghost, I’m cutting you,” Skully said, looking up abruptly to shoot George a glare.

“Jeez, why’re you so tetchy?” George said, holding his hands up in mock surrender.

“Maybe because my best friend nearly drowned!”

“Oh, so now you care about people?”

“Lucy? Sure. If you wanted to take a dip in the pool, however –”

“Stop it!” I shouted. “Both of you, stop it! You’ll only make her stronger if you fight.”

“Maybe we should just call it a night,” Kipps suggested.

“No,” I said. “We can get this place cleared tonight, I know we can. I’m not letting that bitch hang around, so she can try and drown anyone else.”

“Lucy, you’re soaking wet and freezing,” Holly tried to reason. “You need to warm up or you’ll catch a cold. Or worse.”

“There’s a fireplace in the living room, we should be able to start a fire,” said Lockwood. “At least stay there and warm up while the rest of us handle this.”

I didn’t want to agree with him – I wanted to track that ghost’s source down and snuff it out for good – but I guess I wouldn’t be much use in the state I was in, so I nodded.

Holly still looked concerned. “It’ll take forever for your clothes to dry. You could still get sick.”

“I’ll dry her off first,” said Skully.

George raised an eyebrow at him. “And how d’you plan on doing that?”

Skully cracked his knuckles. “I have my ways. Luce, see that porch railing? Go hang onto it as tight as you can.”

It was with great apprehension that I slipped out of Lockwood’s coat and approached the railing, but I was desperate to warm up; my sopping clothes weighed me down and I was numb all over. I wrapped my stiff fingers as tight as I could around the railing.

“Ready?” said Skully.

“No.”

The gust of psychic wind nearly sent me flying, but I held on even tighter and squeezed my eyes closed. My hair whipped painfully against my face, my clothes flapped harshly around me. It wasn’t nearly as cold as most ghostly winds, I’d give him that, but still far from pleasant, and when it finally died down, I glared daggers at Skully.

“I h-h-hate y-you,” I said as my teeth chattered together and I shivered violently.

“You’re welcome,” said Skully, as Lockwood came over and wrapped his coat back around me. I was still freezing, but at least my clothes were now relatively dry, if completely wrinkled.

I sat, cross-legged, in the centre of the iron chain in the living room while the others ran around collecting firewood and building a fire. I don’t know how she’d managed to find them, but Holly bundled me up in several moth-eaten blankets, so Lockwood could have his coat back.

“Try not to smother her, Hol,” George said, snickering as Holly continued to fuss over me, pouring me mugs of boiling tea from our thermoses. I didn’t mind so much; with the roaring fire, the piles of blankets, and the warm cup of tea in my hands, feeling was finally starting to return to my body. It hurt like hell, but at least it was something.

Lockwood eyed Skully, who was still seeming a little off; he hadn’t insulted George in a whole ten minutes, it was kind of disconcerting. Lockwood clapped a hand on his shoulder. “How about you stay here and keep an eye on Lucy. Make sure she stays out of trouble.”

Skully shrugged. “I mean, I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything.”

I shot both of them an unimpressed look.

Lockwood came over to where I was sitting and knelt in front of me. “You sure you’re okay, Luce? You gave me a fright there.”

I smiled at him. “I’m fine. Had to add nearly drowning to my list of near-death experiences at some point, I guess.” I didn’t tell him that my lungs still burned. That I could still feel the water pressing in on me.

Lockwood laughed, but it was short and sounded forced. “I’d rather you stopped having any near-death experiences at all.”

“Yeah, well, join the club.”

Lockwood just looked at me for a moment, his brows pulled slightly together, and his mouth tugged up a little at the corners. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Then he leant forwards and pressed his lips to my forehead.

“We’ll get this place sorted out. Stay safe, Lucy.”

“You too, Anthony.”

His cheeks got a faint pink dusting at that, and I committed that look to memory. Then I watched as he, George, Kipps, and Holly ventured back out of the living room to confront the Visitors, leaving me alone with Skully.

He walked forwards and sat beside me in the iron circle. I unwrapped the top blanket layer and draped it over both our shoulders.

“You okay?” I said.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just seem a little off, that’s all. Do you wanna talk about it?”

I was met with silence. I took that as a no and looked back at the fire.

“My family are only a few hours away from here,” I said, changing the subject. “I’m half tempted to pay a visit.”

“Why don’t you?”

I shrugged. “My sisters are all scattered. I don’t really get along with my mum. I could always just visit Mary, I suppose.”

“She your favourite?”

I glanced over at him. “Didn’t you have a favourite sibling?”

There was a pause, then, “My twin, I guess.”

I nearly spat out the tea I’d been sipping on. “Twin?! There was more than one of you in the world?!”

He rolled his eyes. “Twin sister.”

“Marginally better, I suppose,” I conceded. “Which one of you was born first?”

He huffed. “She was. But that made me the incredible seventh child, so can’t complain much.”

I frowned. “I’m a seventh child. Why’s that so special?”

“Not heard all the folklore around seventh children?” he said. “Why d’you think your Talents are so strong? Why d’you think Bickerstaff hired me?”

I shrugged it off, though I had been wondering why my Talent had been doing the opposite of fading as I got older. “What was your sister like?”

He shrugged. “Stubborn, bit of a temper, wanted people to think she was all strong and mature but she was actually a huge dork.”

The description sounded like someone I knew, but I couldn’t quite think who. “She sounds cool.”

He picked at a loose thread in the blanket. “Yeah, she was.”

He seemed uncomfortable with the conversation, so I let the matter drop. I shuffled closer and rested my head on his shoulder.

“You’re being soppy again,” he told me.

“I nearly froze to death. I need the warmth.”

“I don’t know how much warmth you’re gonna get from a half-dead guy.”

“Shut up and let me be soppy.”

We sat in companionable silence for a while, watching the flames dance and listening to the wood crackle. I could hear a few distant sounds – water dripping, faint voices – but no Visitors bothered us in the living room.

“Thanks for saving Lockwood, by the way,” I said, after a while.

“You would’ve killed me if I didn’t,” Skully replied.

“True, but we both know that’s not why. You’re becoming best buds.”

Skully scoffed. “Sure. I’ll be the best man at your wedding.”

I ignored the way my heart jolted at the thought of marrying Lockwood one day. “Shut up,” I told him. “Besides, you can’t do that when you’re giving me away.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Am I, now?”

“I mean, my dad’s dead. I don’t have any uncles or brothers or anything. You’ll have to do.”

“Charming.”

We heard a crash come from downstairs. I sat bolt upright, listening. I heard a scream – Kipps, I think – followed by a shout from Lockwood, then, faintly, the gush of water.

I lurched to my feet and grabbed my discarded rapier.

“Lucy,” Skully warned. “You need to rest. They can handle it.” But I was already charging out of the door, towards the stairs to the basement.

Previous Next

[peeppeephellofatface]

In an unexpected turn of events, I’m putting the fic about Duke and Henry up.

Nothing kinky.  It’s more angst than anything.  Like uh, blatant talk of visceral hatred of other engines, scrapping, and lots of self-deprecation.  It’s very out of tone for this blog but dammit, it came out well and I wanted to post it somewhere. 

While the television show did not come until years after steam had ended in Britain, it was undeniable that most engines knew of the stories of the Railway Series.  At some point or another, they all had heard crew or passengers talk of various fictional steam engines amongst each other, and in turn told other engines about the same tales while they stood side-by-side at stations or were gathered in roundhouses.  And over time, these stories took on almost folkloric qualities amongst rolling stock.  Many smaller or weaker engines were enamored by the absurd fantasy of an E2 actually able to travel faster than walking pace, let alone pull a passenger train without running out of coal, and wondered if they too could someday overcome the restrictions of their design like that.  The morals explained to human children through the stories were shared more literally to new engines.  Banking engines would mutter the words of Edward or the Little Engine that Could as they went about their jobs.  And in the late days of steam, some engines would dream of being bought by such an idyllic railway where nothing would ever permanently harm them and everything seemed to go right.  Some even began treating the place as an afterlife, due to the fact that so many of the locomotives there were of classes long or recently extinct.

The one that had particularly stuck with the Duke of Gloucester, unsurprisingly, was the story of Henry.  Both had been botched engines with disappointing performance due to poor steaming.  The main difference was that Henry's controller and crew had shown some inkling of care for him, and in typical deus ex machina fashion found a miraculous way to turn him around.  Well-meaning engines would try to reassure the Duke with this, but after hearing the same thing so many times, he grew to hate that fictional Henry.  How others assumed such fundamentally flawed engines always had some easy fix to make them useful again and that everything would be well in the end.  How everything eventually went well for that bloke and damn near everyone else on that nonexistent island that must have been off the coast of lalaland rather than England, while everything was going so wrong for himself.  He was destined to be an only child by the onset of dieselization, and knew he was little more than a cheaply-made stopgap made to fill in for a vastly superior engine and would soon be disposed of and replaced by another vastly superior engine.  He spent life as a widely disliked backup for failed engines that crews hated to deal with and more than wasted the money saved on his construction by the excessive fuel he needed due to his draughting issues.  And he knew they'd never care enough to fix him- it wasn't just self-deprecation, but fact, and he refused to lie about such a thing to himself.  And the resentment only grew to hatred as his fate was sealed and he was sent off to some scrapyard after a museum took his cylinders and left the rest of him to rot.  

That time was one of the worst times in his life not because of what he saw, but how aggravating his powerlessness was.  He knew the inevitable was coming and just wanted to hurry up and happen instead of having to sit around in utter boredom surrounded by the other rotting hulks.  After a while, he couldn't even be bothered by the sight of them he'd  grown so used to it.  Sure, other engines were being saved but there was no way anyone would want something as worthless and incomplete as him.  It was a matter of waiting, and wait he did, as the scrapyard had chosen to process the old wagons first, and his wait stretched from months to years.  Leaving him to stew in his aggravation and regret, knowing how his only chance at life had been so short and squandered and miserable while the old tales of that idyllic island continued to echo inside him.  At times he found himself looking at the other engines there and imagined them as those infernal machines from that island, their bright paint overcome with rust and repenting for their past snottiness and blatant lack of care for their duties.  They got away with all kind of accidents and laziness and constantly were spared by their controller, why wasn’t it the same for the other objectively better engines dying around him?  Why wasn’t it that way for him?  Though he always cut off that last thought with the obvious.  The others were mostly perfectly serviceable.  He was a nothing but a defective back-up.  Still, that Henry was defective and he got to live, yet he kept on whining and causing trouble.  He'd never do such things if he'd been in a place like this. Jealousy burned within him.  It brought him sick pleasure to imagine that engine languishing there, repenting and begging for mercy.

------

But as many know, miraculously, the Duke was recovered and finally rebuilt more or less as actually designed with some improvement, something he'd never considered, let alone dreamed of previously.  And it was in the 90s and 2000s that he began to catch up with the world beyond the scrapyard and workshop.  Most notably, one day he realized that Sodor was indeed a real place after he was sent on a run there.  It wasn't that nobody knew it existed or that it suddenly came to be, it was just something largely kept secret amongst those that had been there for the sake of maintaining some privacy. 

Duke felt ill whenever he thought about those old stories because of how inseparable they were from his dark years.  He still couldn't believe the things he thought then, but still he remembered and understood that mindset far too clearly for comfort.  He'd tried to shove those stories all aside and forget about them and just focus on his own noises or whatever small details he could see within his narrow field of vision whenever people talked about them.  On his way to the island, he couldn't stop thinking about it.  His driver was getting aggravated with him making the train late, as he wasn't running his best with the mental state he was in.

"Duke, what's gotten into you?"

"Nothing, nothing.  I just need to go harder.  You know how I can be.  I need to be pushed.  It's okay, I'd rather people be too harsh on me than too lax.  It's really quite difficult to be that way with me, actually.."

"That's understandable."

Duke enjoyed being run hard, and the exertion helped cloud his mind and blur the scenery.  But inevitably, he did arrive at his dreaded destination.  He knew it had to be the place by the bright green engine standing at the station he was approaching.  He knew he'd never see mainline engines that vivid anywhere else.  He could only hope it wasn't Henry, as the thought that all these years the object of his aggravation had been real made him feel so... profane.  He couldn’t remember what color he had been, though.  He was ready and plotting try to find some excuse to just get the job done and get out of the place and never have to meet the engines there and just bury that part of his life again. 

As he approached the engine, he caught a brief glimpse of it before his smoke deflectors blocked his vision.  He wasn't familiar enough with the finer points of most engine designs to tell them apart but he was certainly one of the classes of unremarkable mixed-traffic ten-wheelers. That was reassuring.  Supposedly, Henry had been some sort of Pacific to start with and this clearly wasn't one.  He heard a soft voice beside him as he stopped.

"You're the visitor?"

"Yes."

"You're an interesting looking fellow, who are you?"

"A-A Standard."

"I know that, but what's your name?"

"It's irrelevant."

"Well aren't you friendly?  I was just wondering who you were.   Ages ago I swore I saw an engine around Crewe with odd valve gear like you."

"Pfft.  Plenty of Standard 5s with that.  Caprotti valve gear's not that unique."

"Oh.  I could have sworn it had smoke deflectors like you, but it was awfully long ago.  I'll leave you be. I understand.  I'm that way myself oftentimes."

Duke was silent for a second while passengers got on and off the trains and photographs were snapped of the two engines. As he realized that he was going to be here a while, he decided he may as well kill some time with that other engine.  He really didn't want to, but he couldn't see it and the lack of visible face calmed him a little.  He could just pretend it was another regular engine or even a very loud human.

"So this is a the fabled island of Sodor?"

"It's funny how you folks from the Mainland never believe this place is real."

"So how accurate are the stories?"

"The books are fairly close.  The show not so much, the creators seem dead-set on showing all my worst traits and it's horribly embarrassing."

"Shame about that.  Hope the workers here know to look past reputations. I've dealt with plenty who didn't.  But that was the past."

"Usually once people are at that sort of skill level they know well that the show is often just a load of rubbish.  It's more the general public that irritates me."

"I'm sure glad there's not too much out there involving my early years.  I'd be happy to forget them all entirely and trick myself into thinking I'm a new build."

"If only they could forget about mine.  It was ages ago but it's the early stories that most seem to be familiar with, and they'll never shut up about mine and how "inspirational" I was.  Oh, please, there's nothing inspirational about going from being a disgrace who can't do anything to just a regular disgrace."

"I was so awful I didn't even have any classmates."

"I'd be impressed by that if I weren’t a one-off myself for that exact reason.  Used to be, at least.  I'm still not sure what they did to me to make me what I am now, but I'm not complaining."

"I know all the details about what they did to me, but I'll spare you from it all, it was.. certainly a lot.  Unless you absolutely insist."

"Not really.  This is probably a bit sudden, but I kind of like you, whoever you are.  It's rare to find someone who'll take me seriously and understands me.  Funny how we're so similar, unless you're full of rubbish."

"Yes... same here..."

Duke trailed off, becoming increasingly concerned about who this was.  Plenty of engines had been rebuilt before.  This didn't have to be who he feared.

But then he said exactly what Duke had been dreading.

"It's been nice to meet you, I'm Henry."

His eyes went wide in panic and he had to clench to keep the rest of himself from doing anything that could alarm the passengers or... him.  He had had never been more thankful for having his smoke deflectors.

The two sat there, silent, while Duke felt too sick and horrified to respond.   This was the Henry he wanted to see rot with him so long ago.  The one he so despised.  He was real and right here and now he couldn't stand the guilt of his conscious for his invisible crimes knowing what he did.   And there was no escaping, he couldn't just outright tell him while they were little more than strangers but also couldn't bear with being around him with that cloud hanging over him all the time.  Thankfully, the whistle was blown soon and he was off.  Henry tried to whistle to him as a farewell, still confused by his silence, but Duke did not respond.  He was wordless on his way back as well, even when questioned by his crew.  

"What happened between you and that other bloke?  One moment you two seemed to get on fine and then that sudden silence?  What's gotten into you?"

Duke wouldn't answer.

To this day, Duke has never returned to that island, for fear of seeing him again.  There was too much that he knew that Henry didn't and he didn't think he could ever speak to him again without it coming out and souring things further or pressing that kind of guilt on him for something that may have been augmented or entirely fictional even. And a thought lingered in the back of his mind.  What if Henry knew of him?  What if he quietly had the same resentments about him and was just as paranoid about running into him as he was?  That felt like too strange of a coincidence, though.  His life had already been a string of miracles and luck, there was no way something like that would happen.  Most likely Henry had never known who he was, or only been told about him once or twice because their experiences had been similar.  He was overthinking all of this.  All he could do was cram it away in the back of his mind.  No way could he make up for that sudden departure.  Best to forget that island ever existed and fake whatever illness needed to not go back.  Thank god he never told him his name.  

[acarnivalofstars]

Ensemble Stars Event Translation: Magical Halloween WITCH CRAFT Part 1

Surprise y’all didn’t expect another translation from me so soon did ya

This is a collaboration project between me and my friend Dreamy! Go compliment her on her Shu cosplay we took pics together and I was living my full ValkP fantasy.

Tsumugi shows up to find Sora and then the two of them go to find Mika who happens to be surrounded by a bunch of cute children. He also blesses us with the most beautiful CG in the game don’t fight me on this y’all.

[Halloween 1F Hallway]

Sora: HaHiHuHeHo~♪

Tsumugi: He~y, Sora-kun 🎵

Sora: Ah, Senpai! Trick or Treat ♪

Tsumugi: Yes, Trick or Treat……..🎵 I don't have any candy on hand right now. What will you do? Will you play a trick on me?

Sora: Yes! That is the rule! Take this, knee attack ♪ (T/N: Have you ever gone behind someone and knocked them behind the knees with your own? Yeah that's what Sora is doing)

Tsumugi: Wah, I almost hit the ground....... It's easy for the hem of this outfit to be stepped on or tripped over, so please go easy on me, okay?

Well, I did make it myself so I shouldn't complain about it, I suppose.

Sora: Senpa~i, what kind of costume is this? A princess?

Tsumugi: No, no. We're all grouped together as "wizards" after all~ This is a "summoner." Do you know what summoning magic is?

Sora: Ah, I read about it in a manga Hina-chan lent me! You draw a magic circle round and round~ And then you call on monsters and stuff, right?

Tsumugi: Yup, yup. Going with the flow of the Live, "Switch" will be performing first......

We'll be drawing a magic circle with our dance steps, and with that summon "Valkyrie" who are acting the role of “demons,” right?

Because of that, Shu-kun said we needed to have a summoner, so I rushed and arranged an outfit.

Shu-kun has always been very particular when it comes to arranging and the like.

Sora: HaHa~🎵 Such "pickiness" is needed! Sora likes "Valkyrie." They give off such a detailed and pretty "color," see~?

Tsumugi: Yup, yup. That isn't something that can be replicated so easily~ It's the work of a genius. Let us do our best so that we don't get in their way, Sora-kun 🎵

Sora: Yes! "Switch" is also a wonderful "unit" that will not lose to "Valkyrie” 🎵

But anyway, does Senpai have some sort of business with Sora? Or did you just meet me by chance?

Tsumugi: No, I was looking for you, Sora-kun~

We'll be having a joint practice before the actual performance soon, you see. Once we gather Sora-kun and Mika-kun from "Valkyrie" we can start.

Sora: Ah! I'm sorry, Sora was having so much fun I forgot about the time!

Tsumugi: It's alright, as long as you had fun. Even in the possibility you ran late, I would definitely have come to pick you up as I did just now.

Sora: Yes! Senpai can find Sora no matter where he is, huh~🎵

Tsumugi: I`m quite good at things like finding people. If you look from a bird's eye view you can get a grasp of the whole situation. It's a privilege of being a bystander.

Mika-kun is also supposed to be around here. Have you caught a glimpse of him somewhere?

Sora: "Caught a glimpse" of "Mika"........

HiHi~ Bad puns make such a fun "color," huh? 🎵 (T/N: This is a joke that doesn't translate well into English. The pun here is that in the original text Sora says "Mika wo mikakeru." Because the beginning of both words are the same, Sora calls it a bad pun)

Tsumugi: No, it's not a bad pun~ I'm not Eichi-kun after all.

H~m, it's hard to believe that Mika-kun would forget the time of the joint practice. I wonder if he's run into some trouble.

I'm a little worried. It seems my calls won`t go through either.

Sora: HuHu~ There's a large crowd of people today, so the radio waves are producing a messy "color," see~?

If it's Mika-chan-san's "color" then I remember it. He's probably over here 🎵 This way, this way~

Tsumugi: Wah, please don't pull me~.......?

Mika: Whoa?! Ah, it's the people from "Switch"........ Good evenin' ♪

Tsumugi: Good evening. I'm glad, we really were able to find you.

I was looking for you, Mika-kun~ It's almost time for our joint practice after all.

Mika: Aah........ Sorry 'bout that, Tsumu-chan-senpai.

I also thought it`d be bad if I didn't hurry to the soundproof practice room, but these kids just won't let go of me, ya see.

Tsumugi: "These kids?" Wah, there's a bunch of small children, hmm...? Everyone is wearing costumes, so it feels a little like the night parade~🎵* (T/N: The 百鬼夜行 (hyakki yagyo) is Japanese folklore that consists a night parade of youkai that would spirit you away unless protected.)

Sora: Ah, it's the lost kids that Hina-chan was trying to find their parents for........

Are they friends of yours, Mika-chan-san? HeHe~ They give off that sort of "color," see~🎵

Mika: Nnah, there's no pullin` the wool over Sora-kun's eyes, huh?

Yeah, these kids are acquaintances from my hometown. Seems like they came to cheer me on.

They didn't tell their moms and dads and rode the bullet train here after savin' up all their pocket money… Seems like they came to secretly watch the "Halloween Party."

Really now, it`s bad news for you guys to do stuff on your own ~ When I called back home everyone was real worried, ya know?

Tsumugi: Ahaha. That's just how badly they wanted to see you, Mika-kun. Isn't having people who will cheer you on a wonderful thing?

Mika: Nn...I kinda fled my hometown like a runaway.

I thought everyone back home considered me a burden, but it looks like I'm unexpectedly rather liked.

It really seems like I'm-- well, how do I put it...The kids kinda think of me as somethin` of a hometown hero.

Looks like they're big fans of me~ They own lotsa goods and whatnot.

But ya know, everyone... Make sure that you never ever follow my example. Don`t make yer mom and dad sad.

Tsumugi: There there, that's just what children do, so...

You properly contacted the families of these children, right? They came all the way out here, so it's fine to let them cheer you on.

Let's prepare some special seats for them. They're Mika-kun's precious fans after all.

Mika: Nn~ Tsumu-chan-senpai is soft when it comes to kids, huh.

I guess it`s fine, but once yer done watchin' the Live, all of ya make sure you get home properly. I`ll go with ya until we reach town.

Good grief. Even though ya went to the trouble of saving up all yer money, ya had to blow it on the fare for the bullet train...

This goes beyond the concept of Tricks. I can't win against you all.

Nnah? Ahh, it's not like I'm angry. Yer just kids after all. It's good that ya do what you want and what ya like to do.

That's what I'm doin' too.

Here, everyone. I'll give ya a candy so smile, smile! Together with "Mika-nii," let's enjoy Halloween to the fullest more and more ♪

[clarenecessities]

5/1/17

son i have just had the most delightful day of my got damn life. i know a daily clare post where i’m not just complaining about my life in unnecessary detail is unusual but honestly i just had a swell time

we had language class this morning & admittedly i did ask way too many questions and tell a girl she was pretty bc i have no filter when i’m tired (she is pretty, it was just a weird time to say it)  but i learned a whole bunch! sean has been good with like, maidin mhaith and such but most of it is in one ear and out the other (except conjugation, which is blessedly simple) but we have a new teacher up from teelin & she has us repeat stuff like, excessively. it’s actually pretty reassuring. icr what she was having us chant but at one point we were just going in like gregorian style.

only complaint about anna (the new teacher) is that her accent is different from sean’s so she says ‘dh’ as a [Ghy] instead of a [dJ] so simple shit like “god” and “second” is absolutely fucked. i’m hoping she’ll give us some leeway bc i learned from the Horslips if we’re being quite honest. she’s really adorable though--she taught us how to say we were tired (thank god; a sentence i can use) and she was like miming falling asleep. Ta.. tuirseach oram, i think? she didn’t spell it for us but sean said she’ll teach me on wednesday how to spell everything so i’m flying blind for a while.

we went up the cliffs to look at the napoleon-watch tower--it was pretty chill but the journey nearly killed me. between classes i went up to the store & got some deodorant and a popsicle-thing (it sucked, it was like unsweetened frozen orange juice) and the deodorant here is weird it’s all either spray on or roll-on liquid, so it feels like you’ve just put mosquito repellent on your armpits lmao. anyway yeah it was about four miles but it was a little too steep for a malnourished cripple such as myself to tackle on pepsi & popsicle alone. only fell once though, and saw a load of sheep. the girl who i inadvertently complimented taught me about flowers (i asked the name for harebell because i’d forgotten it, and then i was like “hey what’s this one! what’s this one) which made me feel better bc i’d been a bit worried i’d made her uncomfortable. she was singing a song from the last unicorn at one point & we ended up gushing about that for a bit.

up at the top, when we got to the tower, a small parade of our classmates attempted to scale the side & get up to the door (about ten feet) while our guide was distracted--he hadn’t told us not to do it, he just went back for stragglers and didn’t see. we were all sort of standing around speculating & saying it looked like reasonable holds but nobody really wanted to try after the hike, except, cue hunter, the oft-pseudo-offensive manchild i grow less fond of every day (yesterday he was saying sauron was the good guy & like while it was clearly to ‘troll’ people he was also saying some straight up fascist shit in his too-well-assembled arguments). anyway hunter got up onto the pile of rocks, reached the handholds, and immediately surrendered, saying he’d do it the day he could do two chinups. next up was ben, who was volunteered by a few of us because he’s tall and relatively strong--he also got his hands in the holds, but retired immediately on the basis of being too lazy to actually haul himself up. third was chris, who (if you ask me) saw it as a sort of challenge and just went through the effort to show off, which was what hunter was trying to do but couldn’t back up. frankly i’d have been more impressed if i wasn’t a bit leery of chris--he’s not said anything bad to me, he just has a very condescending vibe that i find Incredibly Irritating.

hmm but then we looked out over the cliffs, and our guide told us a story about a sea stack called “the devil’s dick” and we found our way back down about an hour after it was supposed to have taken. idt he was counting on so many of us being so slow, but he had about five of us lagging for various immutable reasons.

class was supposed to start up again at 7 but we’d only gotten down the mountain at about 6, so i decided to forgo the half hour line for the chipper & grab something from the shop (ultimately some pound cake, bc i’m so healthy). outside the shop, who should turn up, but the black cat i’ve been trying to impress for three days!! she was waiting outside the cafe for food (despite having already been fed) so she didn’t run away, but she wouldn’t let me pet her until ashley--one of the workers i met yesterday--came out to smoke, and sort of.. cat-vouched for me? the cat was wary but she clicked to it, and since she’s the one feeding it i think it trusts her opinion heheh. she advised me not to pet it since it was probably covered in fleas but i was like God Himself cannot stop me from petting this cat.

it was wonderful, she just laid down and rusted in the sun, and she looked so happy and peaceful. i hope this means she’ll let me pet her in the future bc i think i love her

she went off back to the shop after a while, so i headed back down the road for class & ran into kelly and matt waiting for their chipper food, and they were like “hey come hang” which i was thrilled to accept. kelly may be the only one who understands how incredible the cat situation was heheh. we decided to call her heather--kelly had been considering matilda but she’s saving that for her own black cat. chris came out the pub & joined us around then, and he and kelly have this sort of pseudo-aggressive banter going where like they’re both clearly not crazy about each other but neither is offended so much as annoyed, and they play it off like a comedic rivalry. it’s actually an interesting dynamic lmao--it’s like the ways that people cope with each other & the things we’ll do automatically you know? interesting.

ben and adrionna came up around then, i think they’d been in the pub too, and they were sweet as always. adrionna and i talked some more about the last unicorn, but were sidetracked by the arrival of: another cat. This one’s a tuxedo tom with crusty eyes and dandruff but he’s so sweet, he’s so good. he was clearly angling to get some of kelly and matt’s fish and chips, but i didn’t mind. we didn’t name him bc we weren’t sure if he was the one named tinkerbell or if it was the other black and white cat, who lives up by our cottages. 

we had to head back down bc class was supposed to start at seven, only come to find out it was seven thirty now, so we just sat out front and waited. the black and white cat who may or may not be named tinkerbell made a brief appearance, but took off down a sheep field before i could approach her. on the way down kelly and i went over our beeves w people, which is probably the oldest and fastest bonding method known to man--we agree on people for the most part, which isn’t too surprising given our mutual affinities for cats & communism

while we were sitting out front we were blessed by a visit from--get this--a fourth cat. at first i thought it was heather bc it’s also black with green eyes, but as it got nearer it was clearer it wasn’t. he’s a tom, older, bigger than her, with a square jaw and less rust in his coat but much more in his purr. we decided to call him gorse to keep up the theme. there’s some speculation that he’s heather’s father, as she’s still quite young, but i expect we’ll find out. if the crusty-eyed potential-tinkerbell isn’t in fact a tom, they may be the mother, and then heather and smaller-potential-tinkerbell would make good sense as their offspring. a black and white cat and a black cat birthing a black and white kitten and a black kitten? almost poetic, in a way.

evening class was awesome, not the least of which because i’d gotten to pet three cats by that point. we had a professor out from galway who’s co-writing a book with sean about joe heaney, and he’s an o’leary himself (well; an o laoire) so i kept joking he was my grandson (sean was the only one who laughed but it may have been pity). he talked for a long while about folklore and living traditions, and bealoideas and etymology and poetry--he recited the Planter’s Daughter, which i’d never heard before--it’s really good tbh. he also said at one point that folklore was sort of viewed as the domain of “slightly deranged maiden aunts” & i was like finally, a calling for me!

we learned the first few stanzas of a song--it was really nice because he took us through the lyrics talking first, instead of jumping right to singing like sean (yes we learn it faster, but we learn it wrong bc we don’t know what we’re saying). as i was looking over the lyrics i realized ONE of the words looked FAMILIAR--a gconra chlair. i was like hey,,,,, that can’t mean what i think it means can it, so i flipped it over and the translation was “coffin”.

heheh so i asked him about it and i was, in fact, right--it’s a coffin of boards. a wooden coffin, really, a poetic device, but there it is, folks--the etymological origin of my name put to practical use!

my first time seeing it in a sentence and it’s about a coffin. what’s better than that honestly

he also told me there’s a different pronunciation of “gconra” down in Cork (i had mentioned my people were from Cork (he laughed and said mine too--i told him they were the same people but tbqh i don’t think he heard me)), so whereas in Galway they’d say it like “groan-rah” in Cork it’d be “G-cone-ah”

so of course, me being the tremendous nerd i am, i asked him about cnudanai, which i happened o have written on the back of my notebook (see: tremendous nerd) and he taught me the cork pronunciation as a counter to sean’s donegal/connemara blend of “croo-dah-nai”. in Cork it’s “c‘noe-daw-nai” like the word canoe’s been truncated. good shit grandson. good shit.

mm and aftter that i just came on back up to the house! we got off at 9:30 so i’ve been slacking off since then tbh. i got a bit of planning done on the hike for my spooky fic, but i’ve not written it down yet. got weirdly sidetracked by fanart of inuyasha’s parents haha

but now it’s 1 am here so i’m out. pray for my muscles to heal miraculously in the night, please

[lupinandre665-blog]

Why You should be a role model of your child ?

It was a beautiful day and I was riding my bike with my 7-year-old. We were both having fun. No one was whining.

The next moment, Kaarina's bike smashed into the back bumper of a parked car and she fell onto the pavement with a thud. I flung my bike down and ran to her. Miraculously, she had barely scraped her knee. The parked car, however, was another story. The front tire of the bike had pulled off a large swath of paint. Wasn't this just my luck? In the past few months, our water heater had conked out. So had the dishwasher. The ice maker in the fridge no longer worked either. I'd been driving around in a car with lots of scratches and dents of its own. Now I was going to pay to have someone else's back bumper painted? Really? I sighed. This was just great.

I glanced up and down the block. "We could just ... leave," I thought. I looked at the car again. Really, it wasn't a huge scratch. The longer I looked at it, the smaller it seemed.

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"Let's just go," my daughter begged.

That's when I realized that we absolutely could not leave. We'd have to find the owner of this car and fess up. Thankfully, I did the right thing that day, but I'm embarrassed to admit that there have been other times when I didn't. I teach my daughter to be honest, yet I hear myself lying. I discipline her when she lashes out in anger, but I sometimes lose my own temper in the process. This concerns me, and for good reason. "Your children are watching every single thing you do, and they're absorbing it," says Susan Newman, Ph.D., a social psychologist in the New York City area. Want a kid who eats her vegetables? Eat your own. Expect her to be polite? Always say please and thank you. Modeling is the fastest and easiest way for a parent to teach good behavior--or bad. These are five critical areas where many of us fail to walk our own talk, and advice for how to set a better example.

Tell the Truth

Nearly three-quarters of parents say they teach their children that "lying is unacceptable," but almost all admit to lying to their own children at one time or another, according to one study by researchers at the University of Toronto and University of California, San Diego. Parents lie for various reasons, ranging from a desire for compliance ("If you don't wear your seat belt, I'll press a special button that ejects you from the car!") to a desire to please ("That's the best drawing I've ever seen!"). Although some lies might make our lives easier in the moment, they often backfire in the long run.

Lies also rob us of important teaching opportunities. For instance, instead of saying, "I don't have any money" when there is, in fact, money in your wallet, you could offer a lesson on money management by saying, "There are many things I don't buy for myself. If I buy whatever you want, we won't be able to go on fun vacations." Similarly, by praising kids when they don't deserve it, we lose the chance to help them deal with being average.

One common lie that experts say is the exception to the rule is the one we tell about Santa and the Tooth Fairy. This type of folklore can enrich a child's imagination, as long as you're honest when she truly starts to doubt and asks, "Is there really a Santa Claus?"

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• What's your parenting style? Take our quiz to find out. Put on Your Listening Ears How often have you complained, "My kids don't listen?" I know I have. Yet many of us don't really listen to our kids. Pay attention to how often you say things like, "Not now" or "Let's talk about that later." Also notice when your kids are talking but your mind is somewhere else. They can tell. "Listen when your child is telling you something," says Dr. Newman. "That way, when you talk he'll listen to you."

It makes sense, but it's not necessarily easy to put into practice. Our deafness often stems from fatigue, trying to do too much, and distraction, says Dr. Newman. I've noticed that I tune my daughter out when I'm driving and when I'm on the computer. In the car, I've now started to drive without listening to the radio so I can focus on what she's saying. At home, I try to stay off Facebook during family time because I'm painfully aware that my mind can't be in both places. It's especially important to make listening a priority when your child is upset. Kids often talk slowly, so you may be tempted to guess what they're trying to say and to jump in with advice. Instead, give your child a chance to finish and then ask questions such as, "What do you think about___?" or "What is another way you think you could have___?" Positive, or authoritative, parents value mutual respect and being a good listener.

Follow the Rules

Have you ever dropped your kids off for school in the area designated for buses only? Or have you used your cell phone while driving, despite the fact that it's now illegal where you live? Or how about this one: Have you ever seen a list of beach rules--no drinking, no dogs, no kites--only to realize that you and your family were breaking several? Such infractions may seem harmless at the time, but you're teaching your child that it's okay to break the rules and even the law, especially if no one is looking, says Christine Carter, Ph.D., a sociologist at UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center and author of Raising Happiness. Is that a message you want to send? It's not one I want to send. Yet, it wasn't until after I began writing this article that I realized how many rules I was breaking. For example, whenever we eat at a certain restaurant, I park in a space reserved for customers at a nearby bank.

In a word, "Oops."

Not only does following the rules help you raise a future law-abiding citizen, it can also help you enforce rules at home. "Kids are more likely to go along with a rule when they see it's something that affects everyone," says Patti Cancellier, education director for the Parent Encouragement Program in Kensington, Maryland.

For instance, for years I've told my daughter, "What isn't cleaned up within the next hour will go into toy time-out." Yet none of my stuff, or my husband's, ever ended up in time-out. On Cancellier's advice, I've now extended the rule to the entire family. Now my daughter actually enjoys cleanup time because, occasionally, my shoes or my husband's bike helmet end up in time-out too.

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Use Your Indoor Voice

I don't know about you, but I've caught myself screaming the following: "Stop screaming this instant!" It's humbling when my daughter says, "But you're yelling too!"

Anger is contagious and few parents are immune. To model the calm, rational qualities you want to instill in your child in the midst of angry chaos, Cancellier suggests that you first try "square breathing," which shifts you from using the emotional part of your brain back into rational-thinking mode. Inhale for a count of two, hold for a count of two, exhale for a count of two, pause for a count of two, and then repeat as many times as needed.

It's also important to get enough rest. A lack of sleep is to anger as a lack of hand-washing is to the common cold. Stress and hunger can also breed grumpiness. Of course, sleeping more and simplifying your life is easier said than done. So when you do find yourself tired and stressed, use it as a teaching moment with your child. You might say, "Wow, I went to bed an hour after my usual bedtime last night and now look how grouchy I am."

When a situation is about to spiral out of control, you can sometimes quarantine yourself. Just say, "I'm feeling angry right now and I don't want to say something hurtful, so I'm putting myself in time-out until I can calm down." That's not an option when you're out in public and frustrated with your child's behavior. If he's small, just pick up his screaming, writhing body and walk away from the crowd.

Say You're Sorry

Jason Anthony, of Pittsburgh, was one-upping his brother in a jovial game of wits. Eventually, they began yelling. "It wasn't until I saw my son watching us that I realized I was behaving in a way that completely contradicted what I'd been trying to teach him," says Anthony. The brothers apologized to each other and also to 7-year-old Riley. Anthony told his son, "It's okay to get upset. It's what you do about it afterward that counts."

Although it's tempting to hide our mistakes or to blame others for them, neither strategy teaches our kids how to recover from a blunder, says Parents advisor Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. That's why she suggests encouraging them to point out your mistakes in a respectful way. You might explain that you're working on your listening or anger-management skills and then say, "I'd like you to help me work on this." My own family makes a game out of it: I tell my daughter to charge me or her grandma a quarter whenever either one of us curses. "Kids love it when we can acknowledge that they're right and we're wrong," says Dr. Borba. Being a super role model is easier than it seems. If you own your mistakes, you can turn any slip-up into a teaching moment. To prevent slipups, make a mental habit of asking yourself, "What am I about to teach my child?"

It was that question that gave me the courage I needed on the day of the bike accident to search for the owner of that parked car. I knocked on the door of the nearest house. A man answered, and I explained the situation.

"Is your daughter okay?" he asked.

"Yes, but your car isn't," I said. "I'm so sorry. Can I give you my phone number so we can arrange for me to pay for the repair?" "As long as your daughter is all right, that's all that matters," he said. As I got back on my bike, I felt happy--both because the man had let me off the hook and because I'd found the courage to do the right thing.

[wellmeaningshutin]

Short Story #95: The Fox.

Written: 4/12/2017                                                                Interwoven Week

The devil, or what Christianity would call the devil, was sitting at his kitchen table, watching the local news. The local news station was incredibly unreliable, especially since the reporters hardly even covered their bias, and spent a lot of time trying to strike fear and panic into their viewers, but this was the reason the devil enjoyed the news, it was one of his gifts to the world. Now, before we go on with this story, I will give the man another name, because it would be foolish to give him the Christian title, because Christianity was just another one of his lies. His name that he prefers to go by is the Fox, due to his earlier attempts to mislead us mortals, back when he would show himself to members of early civilizations in the form of a fox, solidifying himself in folklore.

Now, there is a good god, a great creator, and there is the Fox, a great deceiver. The creator lives in an afterlife, but it isn’t like a sort of heaven, its really just a shared consciousness with the creator, who does nothing to intervene in the life of its creations. It lives in a state of constant happiness and pleasure, sort of like if heroin took ecstasy. The only way for mortals to become a part of this creator is for them to live a happy life, with the exceptions for those who get born into overly terrible or privileged circumstances, who are able to reincarnate when they die, since they have little opportunity to either find happiness, or to be able to the different feelings of misery and happiness. To join into its consciousness, you have to face both good and bad emotions, but choose good in the end. Happiness, humor, confidence (not to be mistaken with arrogance), satisfaction, pleasure, these are feelings associate with our creator, and this is the only form it takes when it visits the world of mortals. However, the Fox serves as its opposite, and desires to lead people astray from the path of happiness, desires to get them to desire its emotions: misery, anger, hatred, arrogance, etc. The Fox lives among us mortals, and spreads lies and temptations to lead people away from the path of their creator, which only leads them, after death, into no sort of afterlife, just like falling asleep and never waking up, never dreaming. Banishment from existence. Its not as if the Fox were evil, its only that he serves as a litmus test, to see who belongs to live with the creator.

Misinformation and lies are the favorite ways for the Fox to test people, and he always makes sure to do it in a way that is imperfect, so that people can easily call these claims as bullshit, and go on to live happy lives. One of these tactics has been through creating false religions, in order to impose rules that would cause unhappiness and would find hatred that people only hide. Every religion that we know of is only one of his lies, and he becomes satisfied every time somebody uses his false teachings as an excuse to become a hateful person, and he is also satisfied when they are able to turn it around, and use it to find happiness and satisfaction, and go on to live with the nameless creator. The Fox becomes excited whenever he sees people claim that masturbation is wrong, that gay marriage is an abomination, that gender identity is something for people to get upset about, that other religions are wrong and evil, that the truth should be ignored in order to believe the teachings, but the thing that excites him the most is whenever wars or violence are enacted in the name of a false god. However, he also resembles the spirits of racists, teenagers who take up life choices they hate only to satisfy their parents, parents who feel the need to live through their children, people who seek out activities just so they can complain about them, people who can not see gray areas, people who are afraid of failure and either never try, or become upset when receiving constructive criticism, people who look for information that will support their opinions over information that would challenge them, people who only interact with people who think the same way and complain about people who act or think differently, people who prefer image over accomplishment, people who think that they are losing rights when others gain rights, people who refuse to think for themselves, people who have intense opinions on subjects they know nothing about, people who over generalize everything, people who spend more time trying to convince themselves that they are happy instead of trying to be happy, people who would rather be unhappy then have to deal with change, people who kick animals, people who think they are good and hate all of those that they think are evil, people who spend a lot of their time judging others, etc, etc, etc.

Now, the Fox was watching the morning news, drinking his coffee, when, all of the sudden, a report had come on the television, announcing that a young girl had killed a local priest, in the middle of his sermon, and that most witnesses were claiming that she may in fact be the Antichrist. “I think somethings wrong with me,” he said to his current companion, a white nationalist “journalist” who used the strategy of saying very awful things, while pretending as if they were factual or reasonable, “I have not gotten any pleasure from this. For some reason, something inside of me is upset about all of this.”

“Maybe,” said his companion, who had a Hitler youth styled haircut, “its because you’re not getting all of the recognition you need. You are the big evil, the real devil,” the Fox was annoyed by that title, “but somebody else is soaking up the spotlight. Somebody out there is walking around, claiming that they’re you, while you’re sitting around in this crappy house with your dick in your hands.”

“The house isn’t crappy, its actually pretty nice for the price of things.”

“It could be better though, I’ve been in way nicer places. It can always be better.”

“Shouldn’t you be happy with what you have? Right now your life isn’t going to get too much better, at least not for a while, so why not enjoy-”

“Look, under normal circumstances I would be fine with this place, but you’re the devil. Shouldn’t we be holed up in some luxurious mansion somewhere, wearing tailored, designer suits, snorting cocaine, driving around in exotic, foreign cars? Why aren’t we out there rolling in cash?”

“Why do you assume that I would live some decadent lifestyle?”

“Well, you’re the devil, right? And money is supposed to be the root of all evil, right? And you’re big Mr. Evil, so wouldn’t you have a ton of money?”

“Money isn’t inherently bad, but having a strong desire for it is. Being rich doesn’t automatically make you a bad person.” He was starting to wonder if his job was beginning to become to easy, but it had been worse than this before, right? He remembered the inquisitions he lead, the Crusades, the myths that menstruation made women impure, and, hell, even the rise of Mao, but for some reason these days seemed even worse to him, like there was something special about it.. “Maybe you just think money is evil because of all of the bad you would do if you became rich.”

“I wouldn’t do anything bad, I would actually do the opposite. If I was rich, I would make sure that I could spread the word of truth, I could wake up the docile Americans who refuse to believe the truths in life, like how if we don’t stop immigration, us whites will have our government taken away from us. How refugees shouldn’t be allowed into our lands, or our gene pools. How we must make sure to-” the guy kept talking, but the Fox stopped listening, he had heard this all before. The first place he had heard it was from his own mouth. Maybe he was just getting old, getting tired of the fact that he had to live in this world for so long, while the creator (in a way, his parent) was able to live in ecstasy for eternity.

“Look, I’m going to have to cut you off there. If you think that you’re such a good person, then why the hell are you hanging out with the devil? What sort of good person would spend all of their time with what they believe to be evil’s physical form?”

“Well, if you think about it, its just proof that I am truly pure of heart. Like, if a good person was truly a good person, then what would they have to fear of evil? Why would then run from it, unless they feared corruption?”

“There’s other reasons to-”

“And how could they become corrupted if they were actually pure of heart? See, self delusion is one of the biggest problems in our world right now, because plenty of people would rather keep images of themselves, then actually try to become what they want to be. Its like all of these shitty people who let society fall into moral decay, thinking its fine to let terrorists into our country, and to let mentally ill men walk around and pretend that they’re women, its insane, its fucked up. But, they will never accept how shitty that is, because they have to keep up their own delusions, and that’s what makes it hard for good Americans like myself. The truth I tell challenges them, it holds up a mirror that shows their true selves, that shows how the world really is, and they can’t handle it, so they burrow deeper to their beliefs, the cucks. No matter how many studies I bring up to show them that blacks are naturally predisposed to crime, or that women’s brains can’t process as much as men, they throw out buzz words like “Sexist”, “Racist”, “Homophobic”, whatever, just to shut down the discussion, just because they know that if I keep talking, their delusions could be destroyed.

“And that’s why I’m fine with being around the devil, because I know that there is nothing that you could tell me to lead me astray. I know the truth, and I am secure in my knowledge of it, because it is in no way built from delusion. Facts are on my side, and that will never change.”

“What if I told you that I already have corrupted you? What if I told you that it was impossible for you to be ‘good’, because your heart was full of hatred? Isn’t hatred evil, no matter how good the intentions are behind it? Shouldn’t it be a warning sign, that your beliefs are built on a foundation of delusion, because they are centered around the idea of your own superiority?”

“Nice try, but you can’t trick me. Like I said, I know the truth.”

“Okay, what about the fact that I’m a divine entity, and your just a measly soul trapped in a sack of meat? In what way are you able to resist me, when naturally I’m inherently more powerful than you are?”

“Well, your lies are easy to find, maybe I’ve found enlightenment, maybe its a message from God. Maybe you claimed that it was delusional for me to believe that my race was superior, and then you go on to say that you’re actually superior. Don’t you think I don’t know that trick? You accuse me of doing something, all the while you’re the one who is actually doing it. So, like, when I accuse you of doing it, you can just spin it around on me and say ‘You’re just accusing me of what you’re doing! Its obvious because you only accused me after I accused you!’.”

“You do know I invented that trick, right? Also, you claim that you had a message from God, but that’s impossible, because there is no actual God, at least in the way that you believe in him. Really, all it is is-”

“He.”

“What?”

“You said all ‘it’ is, when it should have been ‘all he is’. And that’s another way I can see your lies, because you’re trying to slip in political correctness.”

“Fuck does that have to do with anything? Its not even organic, it doesn’t reproduce, it has no sense of gender whatsoever. Its just a big mass of pleasure, of happiness and every other good feeling that has ever existed, its not the meddling fuckhead that you seem to believe in. It has no real interest in what you mortals do with yourselves, it only cares if you devote your lives to positivity or negativity. That’s it. The only diving thing that gives a shit about you guys is myself, and-”

“Do you really think that I’m that fucking stupid? I know for a fact that you’re evil and a big liar, so why would I believe you when you try to lie about what God is. I know that he’s not some amorphous blob of sixties sentimentality, I know that he is the true judge over all of us. He is wrathful, he knows right from wrong. He knows that being gay is bad, and that being a Muslim is worse. He would never accept any of the degenerates that only exist to be happy, because life isn’t all about that. You’re just trying to-”

“Okay, what about this? How do you know that your version of God is real, and not just one of my many great lies? If he was really supposed to be a champion of good, then why would he hate gays, why would he have destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, why would he allow the churches to worship men who drove out snakes that were never there in the first place, or… like, why hasn’t he done anything lately? Why has there been no sign of this God, but no stop to all of your lot who do shit in his-”

“Blah blah blah. Just more god damned lies out of the snakes mouth. I’m not going to bite into your apple sir, no I will not. You are free to keep talking though, because I find it very amusing.”

For a couple seconds, the Fox put his face into his hands. It was the first time in centuries that he had decided to tell the truth, the full truth, and nothing but the truth, but it was like he was trying to have a conversation with a brick wall. He wondered if his frustration was from keeping company with the people who fell for his tricks, who were so willing to devote themselves to hatred and bile, but he wasn’t fully sure. If he was around those that were actually good, would he end up leading them astray? It was something he never wanted to test, never wanted to find out, because if he had accidentally forced somebody away from the creator’s embrace, then it would be hard for him to deal with the consequences. He didn’t believe in entrapment.

“Okay,” said the Fox, calmly, “lets say that your religion is actually the right one, even though the chances of that are impossibly slim, since there are so many.”

“The chance is 100%, actually, because it is the true one. There is no chance, there is only fact. Right and wrong, these exist outside of probability, because the muddied knowledge of man is nothing compared to the divine clarity of God. Take Schroedinger's Cat for example,” the Fox was getting impatient, a rare feeling for him,”if you are aware of the thought experiment. Although, you are Satan himself, so I would be surprised if you didn’t know about it, since you seem to know a great many things. Now, the thought experiment, that lead to the cat both being dead and being alive at the same time, actually was devised as a sort of joke. It was made to point out how stupid it would be to apply quantum physics, which deals with incredibly small objects, onto a comparatively large object. However, people have heard of it, and even though its origins were farcical,” the last word was pronounced in a way that showed he thought of himself as highly intelligent for using it, “people continue to actually take it seriously. And there is the difference between the 100% truth, and your lies. See, I am aware, like Schroedinger, that the cat is either alive or dead, and the chance of that is 100%, because even if we cannot see it, the truth exists beyond ourselves. Even though I have seen no proof of God, the real God, I know that I am right in believing in his existence.

“And, if you think about it, the same people who bought the joke and think it to be reasonable that the cat was simultaneously dead and alive, they are the same people to buy into your lives. Because those same people are just the ones who would rather improve their self image, instead of trying to learn the real truth. They are the types of people that would rather quote thought experiments from quantum physics, just to seem like they have an understanding of the subject, just so that they could see themselves as intelligent. It doesn’t matter if they actually know anything on the subject, or even know that much about the cat exercise, because what matters is that other people see them as smart. And the same goes for social issues happening right now in America. People would rather think of themselves as good people, instead of facing the truths that would challenge that image. They don’t want to actually know. So then they start to pretend to be an accepting, compassionate person, while they let the white race fall from power to the minorities who literally mass rape women, who dilute the gene pools, who are intensely more violent than we could ever be, and they refuse to see these facts, these hard truths-”

“But,” said the Fox, through clenched teeth, “let me ask you another question. Yes, a good amount of what you said is correct, but when you talk about people being wrapped up in delusion, being so unable to accept any truths, spending most of their energy trying to make themselves feel better, feeding into their own arrogance and vanity, instead of learning the truth, building a cold, hard shell of delusion to protect themselves from the real world, how do you know that this doesn’t apply to you? And, since delusion can be so powerful, how can you say, in complete faith, that you know the truth, even if you were deluded you would also think that you knew the truth? What hard truths have you ever accepted? What information have you ever believed that changed the way you used to know things, that challenged and effectively changed your beliefs? How do you know that the people you insult don’t have the same exact opinion of you, and if you know they do, then what makes you ignore their assertions? The belief that they’re deluded?”

“Yeah, no shit they’re deluded, they believe-”

“No, you’re deluded. Sure, there are people on the other side of the political spectrum that are also deluded, but you are exactly the same.”

“You’re just trying to lead me down the path of evil, my friend, and I know that you’re just trying to gaslight me so that I’ll start to think the truth is a lie, and buy a lie for the truth. I know not to trust a word that comes out of the mouth of an evil man. I’m not foolish. Its just like, think of the big elections that happened, look at how many people bought into your candidate, how many people decided to listen to the lies of a known and blatant liar, a narcissist that could arguably be called psychopathic, a sore on the face of America, the embodiment of big business that tried to sell themselves as a hero of the people, somebody with a fraudulent charity, shady connections with the Russians, and was involved in a giant cover up where she called for the deaths of Americans, killed her own political opponents, and used the basement of a pizza parlor as a child sex ring. But I knew better, I knew that was just one of your tricks, and I voted for the real hero America deserves, the real man who would get things done, and change everything for the better. The hero of the people.”

“Okay, I’m not even going to touch on a lot of that, because you just took the words out of my mouth. Literally. That’s an opinion that I’ve spread around, and the worse part is, I can’t seem to find some way to prove it to you.”

“Damn straight.”

“So, I’m just going to ignore the bulk of that. There’s no point in it. However, I want to touch on the fact that you keep calling me evil, that you keep trying to say that I’m intentionally leading you astray, but I want to tell you that that’s all a load of bullshit. When I see ‘good’ people, or at least the happy and positive people that will be with the creator when they die, I leave them the fuck alone. I do not so much as bat an eye towards those people, because, and I am not lying when I say this, I am not an evil being. I do not try to make ‘good’ people ‘bad’, I only find the people who are inherently ‘bad’, and bring all of the ‘bad’ inside of them to the surface. I give them the opportunity to try to be understanding, loving, compassionate, happy, whatever, and I give them that by testing them, I hand them a lot of obviously fake bullshit and see if they believe it or not. Look, you white supremacists-”

“White nationalists, I’m not a supremaci-”

“Oh, fuck off. Its just the same thing under a different name, just like how ‘intellectually disabled’ and ‘retarded’ mean the same damn thing. You fuckers bitch and complain about what PC culture does, and then you go off and do the same damn things, and that goes into what I was trying to say. You white supremacists ate up every single fucking lie I fed you without batting an eye, not even looking at how sketchy the studies are, or how biased and borderline fabricated those reports are, you just ate it up without a question. And then you fuckers go around and talk about how everyone else is so bad, how everyone else is so deluded, when its all just a way to delude your selves, you focus on other people more than you focus on yourself, but you somehow think you’re different. If you were actually a ‘good’ person, you wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to hate others, you wouldn’t ignore context, you would actually check your sources and studies for accuracy to fact, instead of checking if they conform to your opinions. I don’t make anyone ‘evil’, I just bring it to the surface, I don’t let people hide it.

“And you know what?” He decide to add as an additional fuck you, “There are inherently evil people who are way better than you are. There are people with some really fucked up things inside of them, I’m talking child fucking and serial killing levels amount of fucked up, but they are able to keep it inside themselves, and no matter how hard I try to get it to rise to the surface, they cling desperately to the ideas of ‘good’, to the positivity that actually will bring them to heaven, and even though those people are monsters on the inside, you’re a thousand times worse than they are.”

However, his companion only burst out in laughter. “That’s a good one, trying to get me to believe that I’m worse than a pedophile! I gotta tell my Facebook group about that one. They’re gonna,” wiping a tear from his eye, “get a real kick out of that one.”

Then it hit the Fox, he suddenly realized why the present seemed so much worse than the past. His companion was holding, in his hands, a device that gave him access to an astounding amount of information, an access that wasn’t even possible thirty years ago, when the access that people had to correct information was limited, when people were illiterate, and mass communication didn’t exist. And even now, with all of these advances, the Fox realized, people actively chose to misinform themselves, people actively ignored the truth. So, realizing this, he felt somewhat satisfied, he realized that he was only annoyed because he couldn’t put a name to his frustration. With that weight off of his back, he joined his companion in laughter.