#so my activism in fatphobia does not happen in my writing

[not-poignant]

Hey Pia! Have you ever written or considered writing fat characters? Not because I think anyone is obligated to, just genuinely curious. I hope you’re doing well!

Hi anon!

For main characters, I think the only ones have been Hank from Eversion (a fanfic on my thespectaclesofthor account) and The Iron Bull from Stuck on the Puzzle, though Cullen doesn't mention it much, the one time he specifically mentions Bull having a thick layer of fat over his muscles, it's specifically to say that he likes that soft strength. As side characters in fanfiction there's also Aidhe, and I feel like I'm forgetting someone but I don't remember all the characters I've written T.T

As side characters in my fiction, there's also Aleutia, Fenwrel, Mikkel, an unnamed wolverine shifter in The Ice Plague, and probably others I'm forgetting. For characters who would be considered smaller fats in our world, there are also characters like Ondine!

It's still not as much representation as I'd like, but I experience dysmorphia when I write characters due to my own internalised fatphobia (I'm a fat person with an EDNOS around restrictive eating, my dietitian has me under pretty firm instructions to avoid triggers where possible / in my control, so when I do write fat characters, it's overwhelmingly in worlds or contexts where no one views that negatively, which is why it's sometimes easy for folks to miss. But I do also under-describe it, which heads back to my own personal issues, I think).

[janetbrown711]

How do you torment your favs (aka how have you traumatized some of your favourite characters)?

Well, if we're talking broadly here I mostly give them mommy issues, but lets go character by character here for the nitty gritty/true pattern examination

TW for mentions of miscarriages, abusive parents, and just a lot of trauma

Apple White-- Mommy issues, internalized homophobia that she does mostly get over but it doesn't help when a lot of the world is homophobic to her, body image issues, and a possible eating disorder

Darling Charming-- mommy issues, daddy issues, experiences a lot of homophobia and misogyny

Louie Duck-- Just. Just the worst mommy issues. Wants Della to love him so bad but feels like it's literally impossible because of their differences and his "glaring" flaws and selfishness

Yakko, Wakko, and Dot (Long Live the Queen) (idk how to write normal universe whoopsies)-- Abusive grandmother who actively tries to (and nearly accomplishes) murdering their parents making their parents have to abandon them for a year, Yakko has parentification trauma from that, Wakko gets literally starved and locked in a tower on multiple occassions, and Dot feels like it's all her fault whenever Wakko gets hurt because she's supposed to be the perfect princess. It gets fixed but it do be a lot

Lena Warner (my oc from Long Live the Queen)-- Abusive mother who literally attempted to kill her. Wants very badly to be a proper mother to her children and keep them safe, but her mother has far too much control and power over her for that to be truly possible. Had a runaway marriage in her late teens in order to avoid being married off to some old guy. Her mother's murder attempt caused a miscarriage and robbed her of a year with her children while she had to physically recover from her injuries. Ended up killing her in the end though, so that's good.

MK (dadsy of two)-- dead parents that were incredibly abusive (especially his "mother"), a burning desire for closeness to his guardian that he feels he can't access out of fear of attachment + Pigsy's own distant behavior at unpredictable moments. Desperately wants Pigsy to be his dad and nothing hurts more than when Pigsy actively denies it. Craves affection and praise more than anything in the whole wide world but doesn't know how to accept it/how to react when it happens.

Mei (dadsy of two)-- dead parents who gave her severe perfectionism but died before they could ever apologize/acknowledge/realize any damage done. Blames herself for starting the fire because she knocked over an ancestral artifact (that fire was actually fixed, the fire that killed them is unrelated but she'll never believe that). Wants to be the perfect daughter for Pigsy while also not feeling like she's actually his daughter because of the distance + complicated grief related feelings.

Pigsy (dadsy of two)-- tbh what haven't I done to him? Gave him guilt over the death of Sandy's ex fiancee due to "causing" Sandy's trauma that lead to the incident, gave him mommy and even worse daddy issues, deals with fantasy racism on such a regular basis he believes being distant with MK and Mei (ala saying he isn't their father/he's only their legal guardian) is the only way to really protect them from it (and even that backfires on more than one occasion). Internalized fatphobia. PTSD. Smoker. Severe lack of self esteem. Couldn't give less of a shit about himself and his own health (ESPECIALLY mental) while worrying endlessly about everyone else. Just. just so much trauma for one man. what the fuck.

Tang (all fanfics)-- Abusive, severely homophobic parents who cut him off when he was 19 due to finding out about his homosexuality. Could barely afford food for a year until he met Pigsy and basically relied on his charity in order to not starve to death/suffer the effects of severe malnutrition and still continue his education. Loves Pigsy endlessly and hates watching him torture himself over the littlest things (knows he does the same and feels so helpless every time it happens). Wants to be a dad to MK (and Mei) desperately but worries he's nothing compared to Pigsy. Has constantly had his passions belittled and mocked to the point it's genuinely surprising to him that MK actually likes his stories and the way he does things.

Sandy (all fanfics)-- PTSD, guilt over having missed 20+ years of his best friend's life. In Dadsy of Two he killed his fiancee after a nightmare about the war he and Pigsy had fought. Wanted to be a parent but after that accident, he can't trust himself with another human life like that. Has a hard time trying not to be "the therapist friend" and poking where he shouldn't when it comes to his friend's emotional issues (especially Pigsy's). Had just the worst toxic romance with Pigsy ever that was just the hottest of messes before it all fell apart but they tried to be friends (until his fiance's death) (the time away was very much needed for them both to heal and grow so they could actually be good friends again but it still hurts it took that long).

Pigsy (Li Na AU)-- most of the above but even more trauma around fatherhood, only made worse by the fact he had five miscarriages in the past (only three Tang knows about). Buries that pain instead of talking about it and believes that because Li Na is alive and well the pain is gone (it's not. it lives within him in every waking moment and is why he's so fucking terrified at the thought of losing her or MK).

....So yeah! Just--.... Just so much man, damn wtf someone needs to take them away from me I keep hurting them, wtf---

[ellesthots]

FAQ + DNI

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frequently-asked questions, all in one place 💬 please read through !

do you have a tag list?

i do not! lovely idea but I would undoubtedly forget people, forget to add it, etc…

which batman are your fics based on?

the batman (2022), battinson!bruce wayne <3 same with Alfred, Gordon, etc. + the general world. unless otherwise noted, it does not diverge from the canon events in The Batman

what if i’m a minor (under 18)?

please do not interact with my fics! i deeply appreciate you wanting to engage with my work, but i am not comfortable with minors being on my page. most of what i post is NSFW or includes heavy themes, and i make sure to front every post with 18+ to try to avoid this. please find other lovely authors!

what time zone do you post from?

i post from Pacific Standard Time (PST) 🌲

what’s your posting schedule?

at least one chapter every two weeks! very rarely will i post later than that, but emergencies could happen since i’m posting each chapter as I write it, and I’m in my final year of grad school lmao. if something ever comes up, I’ll let y’all know :)

i know the pain of following/reading a fic and it ends up being unfinished. i promise my sweet readers, you’re safe with me! my multichapter fics will always be completed in a timely fashion <3

do you take requests?

yes! how soon I’ll be able to write them is another story though lol. but I would love to hear what you’d like to see! i am totally okay with NSFW requests too :) depending on how comfortable i am with the prompt I reserve the right to (politely) decline, but yes!! love any and all chances to interact and try ideas outside of my own thoughts ⭐️ preferably requests related to battinson, but im open to general Bruce/Batman prompts as well :)

send me an ask with any and all prompts!

do you have a dni/dnf policy?

the general things: no bigotry of any kind. this includes racism, xenophobia, transphobia, homophobia, fatphobia, ableism, saneism, etc… this account is pro-Palestine, pro-fat, antiracist, feminist, and LGBTQIA+ affirming. i am a queer woman and will not tolerate hate in any form. also, as a Batman fan… bruce wayne would h8 you if you defended any of the above forms of hate <3

what do you do for school?

in a Master’s program to be a therapist! currently interning and will graduate in June ‘25. feels important to stress this point since some of you follow me on other socials: while i am a therapist (in training), i am not your therapist. none of my posts or interactions are intended to be therapeutic, nor are they a substitute for therapy. while mental health themes are strong in my writing, none of the scenes I write are mental-health gospel, and should not be taken as such (particularly in Fateful—while there are therapy scenes and depictions of mental illness, i am in no way, shape, or form claiming to be an expert while writing fiction, nor condoning a particular style, technique, or depiction as correct or ‘right’).

what are your other socials?

i am on Twitter as elles_thots, and TikTok as ellesthots. I rarely post to TT, but i am very active on Twitter! i also made a Bluesky as ellesthots, but i am not very active on there whatsoever currently. send me a DM on here or Twitter with your handle and I’ll follow you back! always love more Batman mutuals, and interacting with my readersssss ilysmmm 🦇🥹

can i find your fics outside of Tumblr?

sure can !! outside of Tumblr, I crosspost my fics to AO3 and Wattpad. the first place i post my fics is AO3, so subscribe there if you want to be first to know when my fics/new chapters drop :)

i want to comment but i feel like what I have to say isn’t substantial or is annoying…

please please never feel like your comments aren’t meaningful enough!! never feel like your comments are annoying !! if you’ve been following me for a minute you know how sappy I get over comments. whether they are a few words long or a dozen full paragraphs, from the same person or a variety, i want to hear what you have to say!! every single notification I get of a new comment or ask makes me want to cry with happiness. seriously !! y’all could each individually spam my inbox with 20+ comments a day and I wouldn’t even begin to get annoyed. my dopamine would be over the moon and I’d be ecstatic lmaooo. if you don’t feel comfortable making a public comment or ask (asks can be anonymous too!) my DMs are wide open on here and Twitter! i would love to hear what you think 💕

are you interested in cowriting stories?

not at the moment or for the foreseeable future. again, much like the taglist — very cool concept, but just not for me right now! will let people know if that changes.

do you have any Battinson fic recs?

yesss !! i have two posts with fic recs (with links!): HERE and HERE. admittedly i do not have the time to read as many fics as I would like. so many of my fellow authors and friends in this space I would love to catch up with/read !! but grad schooool and needing to keep updating my baby (Fateful <3).

how many chapters do you intend to have in Fateful Beginnings?

do not know for sure! what’s so funny is this fic was originally going to only be a few chapters, like 20-30k max. and they were going to like each other immediately 💀 since then I’ve fleshed out the plot (obviously… rip to slow burn haters!!), and if I had to pinpoint a percentage of the way through we are as of the time of this post (ch39), I would say we are past the halfway point. we still have a few more arcs to go through. if we’re talking traditional story structures, I’d say we’re at the very beginning of the rising action. just dipped a pinky in. maybe half a pinky.

wanting the story to have a very lived-in feel without being stale and stagnant. very slice-of-life meets batman plot. very character-driven with an overarching plot, so it depends on any detours or swerves they take me on along the way! but we are getting into the thick of it 🙂‍↕️

if you made it this far: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ gold stars for you !! feel free to ask more questions in the comments and asks, and I’ll add them as i see fit to share! for now I can’t think of anything else <3

Let me know if the text size is too small (trying out the smaller text option I’ve seen for streamline’s sake) and I will edit this post to make it this (original) text size <3

[thepolyamorouspolymath]

On a mission to improve myself. It's been 5 days and I'm already bored of it lol. But let's run it down bc I have a planner -- several bc B got sick of me going "I made planning errors, I need a new one" (they are being repurchased for other things one can use a dated calendar for -- one is acting as a diary of sorts, when I note something I've done improving, I write it on that day. The other will get turned into a meal/exercise planner. If there's a third, I'll turn it into a household chore book. Slap some different paper glued to the covers to tell them apart and bam.)

Ok, so I like magic. No I'm not looking for opinions on magic -- some people find mass soothing, I'm more of a loner, it suits. So I'm structured around that.

There is a master list of things to change, which require inspired action as well as saying the words. It is LONG, so I'm only going to get into now.

Working on healing my relationship with sex, and going boy sober for a bit until I do.

Getting back in shape. Now I know the mere topic brings out all the people who think they get to tell me how to feel about my body (y'all fatphobia and shaming people for wanting to lose weight are the exact same thing.) Because of this I'll explain, though I do not owe one -- my body has been the same shape and size virtually my whole life since puberty and this does not feel like it belongs to me. And it's no one's business but mine. I'm doing a few minutes of exercise every hour or two and trying to eat natural foods. Also mean to take a walk every night and work on adopting what I'm told is a European approach to portion -- the first tastes are the best, then you're not savoring, just finishing. Those two aren't there yet. Also will join a gym at some point but way not there yet.

Shadow work twice a week. Right now I'm just using my triggers and trying to integrate them. Can't tell if I'm making progress.

Trauma work twice a week. The first session went very well, the combination approach I designed working exactly as expect, though I want to add in vagus nerve work to help regulate the body as I'm releasing trauma.

Confidence. I'm starting with general confidence. Hypnosis and NLP techniques, though also incorporating some do it scared techniques once a week where I basically set myself up for a low stake rejection or loss to basically adapt to it as not a big deal.

Forgiveness, for myself first. I write letters to myself at least every week showing compassion and understanding.

Stirring reality. Admittedly action on this is rather impossible. Basically it's just making everything more changeable and it's my job to grab those chances. There's a job I might get which would hopefully count.

Now, I'm planning for the future tasks, such as stockpiling books on interpersonal communication, resiliency, education (parts of mine are lacking), planning weekly outing to do SOMETHING outside my comfort zone. Also looking for other activities, like sticking to a schedule, meditation of counting to 100 until I can do the whole way mind blank, forcing myself to just sit and watch a movie without a secondary thing, picking up new skills (languages, though I need to settle on one and want a digital piano really bad to try, also more dance, pottery, that kind of thing).

It is thoroughly exhausting. However, I have faith that at the end of 12 months -- my next birthday -- I will be a significantly improved human.

I'm also working on business stuff -- at how to start a coaching business the way I want rather than conventional wisdom. Yet more modalities I can draw on over time, like archetypes and superconscious shifts.

And I'd love a day off, but most work is weekly, so can't miss lol.

So yeah... not super exciting, unless you all want to hear the neat psychological machinery I'm building for various issues (and it is neat.)

If you do, drop me a message! We'll chat about it. Also if you happen to be a branding or marketing expert or great at social media and want to work for shares in a start up lol.

Sorry to disappoint but there's probably not going to be exciting content for awhile, just my political opinions. (Though I am get boudoir shots by the absolute best on 9/8... God knows what I'll wear or what vibe but hey it's a good chance to take a leap!)

[lunastigerlilies]

Why don’t you answer asks or messages within a normal time frame?

I’m not only mentally ill, I’m also chronically ill. I have a mystery GI illness that makes me nauseous constantly (when it happens, it’s all I can focus on) and fibromyalgia, which gives me extreme brain fog. I also get distracted very easily. Obviously, if we’re having a conversation and I get notified from your messages, it’ll be easier for me to respond, but I still forget sometimes.

I reserve the right to not answer any asks or messages of my choosing. It’s not that I don’t like you or what you have to say; it’s just that some things don’t inspire me the way others do.

Why do you consider yourself disabled? How does this translate into your writing?

My fibromyalgia is consistently bad enough for me to need mobility aids. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t go to public places that require a lot of walking (like zoos, botanical gardens, museums, stuff like that) without renting a wheelchair for the day. The last time I tried to get through a place like that without a wheelchair, I fell about a quarter of the way through and my dad had to physically help me get to a place where I could safely sit down without hurting myself worse.

When I’m at home, I can’t do a lot of the things I like to do, like cooking (I can’t stand for super long without getting fatigued) or writing (my fingers cramp up very easily). Because of this, it will take a little longer for me to publish stories than it would someone else. That’s why I’ve organized the fanfiction and analyses that I’ve reblogged. Check out my tags for more information.

Why do you only write plus-size readers?

I’m fat and I feel that fat girls don’t get enough representation in fandom spaces. It’s taken me a long time to be comfortable existing as I am, and I want to help other women get to that point with themselves as well. If you’re already at that point, now you get to read about women that look like you. How awesome is that?

Because I strive for body neutrality in my stories, I will not be including fatphobia in my stories other than negative self-body image. I also will not reblog stories with similar content.

Where else can I find your stories?

The only places you can find my stories are on Wattpad and AO3. My Wattpad username is writingtigerlilies. My AO3 username is lunaslilies. Any other account on any other platform that posts my stories is actively plagiarizing my work. If you see it, please tell me so I can report it!

[ribstongrowback]

Thank you for this reply and for taking me in good faith! I appreciate it. Like I said in another reblog though, I feel like what you are pointing out is less an invalidity in the term itself but a misuse of it.

Like yeah I can absolutely see people engaging in the behaviour you are describing, especially since it's a logical continuation of how a lot of people people have been using AFAB and AMAB.

On the other hand, it does seem like when people affected by transmisoginy discuss this with other people, our own experience with transmisoginy is being disregarded. Like at time of writing, you and I are having this discussion while people are having the Egg Prime Directive discourse. In this discussion, a lot of trans woman have come forward to dispute both the validity of this idea and the way it is applied in practice, and the ways that it enforces transmisoginy and causes harm specifically to transfems. In light of that, I have found it helpful to point out the way in which transmisoginy is inflicted, who experiences it, and how. This nececitates a term to qualify the distinctions between how people experience opressions.

I also think it is worth mentionning that on the other hand, the backlash against the term has been co opted by transmisogynists in order to discredit the idea of transmisoginy itself. I have seen it first hand it and it is quite disturbing as well, but I'm only mentionning this to point out that the dogwhistling blade can cut both ways, and I don't think that it leads to a productive discussion about our experiences and struggles. I want to take you at your word, believe that you are talking to me because you believe you can offer me a piece of information or theory that i'm missing and would help me on my journey, and I thank you for doing the same.

Which is why I want to move on to the way that I have found the term to be genuinely useful. You talk about bigots, and what you say rings true, but I think you're not adressing a lot of the reasons why people are using the term, and it's to point out harm that comes from within queer spaces themselves. Both on and offline.

See, the fact of the matter is that there are specific ways in which people who do not experience transmisoginy actively use and weaponise it against trans women specifically. The fact they do not experience the same scrutiny, the fact that it's almost always transfems who get pedojacketed for example, is helped by the fact that they are exempt of transmisoginy. There is a need to examine these relationships of power materialistically, and that needs a term.

The examples that have been cited by you and other people always concern situations where someone basically says "you wouldn't understand, you're TME", and while again, I'm sure this happens, this is nothing. It's irrelevant. It's people chucking boogers at each other and playing at who's the best militant. Annoying to be sure, we must make sure we don't devolve into that, but I don't think it is as important or harmful as the harassment and ostracism campaigns that we have endured as a result, among other things, of the unwilingness of many queers who do not experience transmisoginy to check what privilege they hold over those who do.

This is not about the fact that people yell austin powers quotes at trans peeps from their speeding cars. This is about predstrogen getting hounded off a site she relied on for support because she posted a transition timeline and the fact that it wouldn't have happenned if it was just the terfs, if they weren't so many people who are just willing to kill a trans woman if they hear she's into a specific kink or whatever.

I'm not talking about the fact that women experience insults and harm if their body looks too much like what people think a man looks like. I genuinely don't think that's transmisoginy. To me this feels similar to when a skinny person say they "experienced" fatphobia because they develloped an eating disorder out of fear of being called fat. Like, yeah, sure, they experienced this because of the seething hatred people have (and cultivate) against fat people, it might not even be just internalised, they might have been bullied into it by a relative, but they're still skinny. They can probably relate to the experience of a fat person, but if they call a fat guy a creep, people around them who can see that they're skinny and see that the guy's fat will be very, very inclined to believe you, because you do not, in fact, experience fatphobia.

I have seen similar things happen in trans spaces, and I need to be able to talk about it. To be able to specifically call out the ways in which transmisoginy was used by people who do not experience it to cause harm to me and other trans women. If you find a better term to talk about the people who hold an actual, socially constructed privilege over me within the spaces that claim to be safe for me, I'd love to use it, at the drop of a hat I'd change to use it.

In the meantime I'll just use TME, because talking to you, it genuinely feels to me like we have to have a discussion around who does and doesn't experience this form of opression, especially within queer spaces.

i genuinely can't see any argument in favour of TME/TMA being bioessentialist terms that do not imply transmisoginy is a bioessentialist concept by itself.

like if you think that tansmisoginy is something us dolls made up to feel special or silence trans men or whatever it makes sense that you'd think that, but if you do agree that transfems endure forms oppresions that are specific to our experiences, then why would you think that stating that there are people who experience it and people who don't is bioessentialist, please, someone explain that to me, genuinely, because this feels like i'm strawmanning yall.

[writingwithcolor]

Do small hints of a character’s Jewishness work, or do more harm than good?

@oatily asked:

I’m writing a HP fanfic and the mc has a Jewish friend. He’s really politically active, the one who radicalizes mc on stuff like the oppression of werewolves, the slave labor of house elves etc. Generally really smart passionate guy. I grew up atheist and pretty much completely outside of religion. I think I would need to take multiple college courses to fully understand any religion, but I still want to provide good rep. I’ve read a lot of Shira’s blog, but are there any subtle ways to include his faith without having an in depth understanding of the religion? Or should I just not mention his faith at all if I do not completely understanding the details of Judaism? I’m willing to put in the time to research ,and I already have quite a bit, but I think it would take me years and many classes before I felt proficient in my understanding. I guess my question is: Is it enough to put in small hints like the character eats kosher and goes home for Jewish holidays or does only mentioning these surface level things do more harm than good?

WWC NOTE: this question was answered to fill a gap in coding questions around Jewish characters, and it just so happened to be about HP fic. We at WWC, including specifically the Jewish team, do not condone the TERF-ness (or racism, anti-semitism, transphobia, or fatphobia) of JKR. We hope that the principles we used to answer this post will be useful for writers of other fandoms and for original fiction as well.

Mentioning surface level things is fine if they’re the right surface level things.

For example, someone who “goes home for Chanukah” is clearly only going home because that’s when the Christian-rooted school calendar says there’s a holiday, but if someone went home for new year’s (Rosh Hashanah) or Yom Kippur in the fall, or for their family’s Passover seder in the spring, that would feel accurate.

One way you could make sure that your surface level mentions are the right details to add rather than subtract verisimilitude, is to trade beta-readings with a Jewish friend and ask specifically for suggestions of places in the story where the little mentions would make sense. For example, if they’re in a history class and the teacher is talking about a particular time in history when we weren’t allowed in England, the kid might chuckle aside to his friend “my ancestors weren’t even allowed here that year.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Jews_in_England

(Or less depressing, “oh hey, that’s the same year my folks came here from Russia/Germany/whatever”)

Kids in that series are also sometimes around the right age to become b’nei mitzvah, or to have had that just happen, so “and now on top of all these spells I have to learn my Torah portion?” or to mention some amusing incident that happened at his bar mitzvah reception if it was a couple of years ago, that’s another way to throw in a casual reference. If the kid is magic-born maybe the kiddush cup or fancy pen or whatever that his parents gave him for his bar mitzvah has magic properties. Come to think of it, going home over the weekend for his little sister’s bat mitzvah would be another good thing to work in, speaking of that age.

--Shira

How does the character's faith shape his passion for social justice?

Hello 😊 I love the sound of your activist Jewish character and the fact that the character’s existence actually addresses some of the problems with the source material.

The word you’re looking for is Tikkun Olam, an important Jewish middah (value) that translates to ‘healing the world’. One way to include the character’s faith in the story is to lean into how it shapes his passion for social justice:

· Does he have a particular rabbi or other spiritual leader who is his Tikkun Olam inspo? For example, my brother is Orthodox and vegan, and he loves to quote Rav Kook, a 19th/20thC rabbi and advocate for environmental justice and animal rights, as they exist in Jewish thought.

· Does he have a chavruta (Torah study buddy) and is he learning something that supports his views on discrimination?

· Were his ancestors activists at key moments in Jewish or world history?

As for other aspects of Jewish identity, there is actually already a fanfic about this, so I would recommend starting there. Again, not sharing this in support of JKR’s views – see below – but the fandom belongs to the fans, not the author.

- Shoshi

What does the character do on Saturdays?

I think the key to a lot of other questions about this character is going to be, “What does he do on Saturdays?” That is to say, what denomination is this kid from and how observant is he personally? This may only directly come into play if you’re specifically writing a scene stated to occur on a Saturday, but it’ll inform what mentions of Jewishness even make sense for his character. So let’s think through Jewish life at Hogwarts for a moment:

Denomination:

Are there enough Jewish students that they have a weekly visiting rabbi holding services on campus? Do Jewish students go off-campus to services at Temple Beth Anakim or Congregation Adath Kesem (Reform and Orthodox respectively) in Hogsmeade (I just made them up)? If so, an Orthodox or Masorti group of kids might go to Hogsmeade before dinner Friday and not come back until Saturday night, and thus be missing from action that took place in between, while a Reform group might only be away from Hoqwarts for an hour and a half Friday evening. Or he might choose not to go at all, either because he’s from a secular or non-observant family, or because he’s not comfortable in services for reasons of his own, or because the plot needs him around, in which case maybe pretending to be sick to get out of going to services without raising attention could give him some rounded characterization.

Observance:

As ever a quick reminder that denominational affiliation and personal observance are related but not 1-1 correlated. A character who regularly attends Orthodox or Masorti services might not personally have a problem writing, using money, or doing other activities that observant Jews typically avoid on Shabbat, or they might do them but have Feelings about it, or they might scrupulously avoid them. A character who regularly attends Reform services may not have an inner conflict about doing these things on Shabbat, but they might be sick and tired of being judged by more observant Jews about it--or they might be more personally observant and have to defend that practice around other Reform students.

Now, I’m not saying you have to include a detailed examination of your character’s inner feelings around their Shabbat observance in order to have them pop into the plot, say “Hi, house elves should have rights, see ya later,” but knowing the answer to this will help you come up with what does fit in your plot as far as what’s actually Jewish about your Jewish character.

You offered some beginning thoughts about this, but here are some additional quick questions about Jewish life at Hogwarts:

Does your character keep kosher? Where does kosher food at Hogwarts come from? Does the castle kitchen have a separate kitchen where specially-trained house elves prepare meals for the Jewish students? Is it apparated in from outside? Is it the same, better, or worse than the non-kosher alternatives? If he doesn’t keep kosher, does he have feelings about it? Does he joke about kashrut while eating a cheeseburger (have house elves heard of cheeseburgers?) or does he eat his black bean burger on a separate plate while wishing it tasted as good as your main character’s cheeseburger smells?

Shira mentioned b’nai mitzvah; If your story takes place in year 1, 2, or 3, your Jewish character is not only learning the difference between leviOsa and levioSA, they’re also learning how to decode and pronounce a not-insignificant portion of Hebrew scripture, as well as chant it according to a pre-medieval system of musical notation. Who are they studying with, and when do they practice? If they’re older, then did your main character come to their Jewish friend’s bar mitzvah? Why or why not?

Shoshi mentioned continuing Jewish education and connection: aside from the technical study, how does your character study Jewish history and culture, that he can draw on it to power his progressive politics? A chavruta would be another Jewish student they meet with specifically to study Jewish text, while a Jewish professor might be a role model or may be teaching them extra subjects on the side.

Ultimately, though, what hints you drop that reveal your character’s Jewishness are going to get easier to figure out when you can be confident answering what does your character do on Saturdays.

- Meir

[wooahaes]

writing thoughts ig

i think whenever i write my fics, i usually do try to like... ask myself what kind of story i want to tell and what kind of like... reader/mc i would use to tell that story? i think most of the time i try to go gender-neutral with my mcs so that people can project onto them.

like... under the sun deals with identity, but more in a sense of the way that you define yourself based on past and present experiences. i dont see that as something i need to gender in the slightest. the period comfort vernon fic, acts of service, isnt gendered either--there’s just a warning that reader does have a uterus because.. it’s a period comfort fic. not everyone w periods is female. i could have done the same with one word at a time (dad!wonwoo fic) but i think i projected more onto that one with some thoughts and fears about being a mom one day.

like obviously all my birthday fics from this year are gendered because i wrote them specifically for my birthday. i didnt have to, but they were mainly for me and i just shared em for funsies.

the flowers fics were all gender-neutral bc idk i think everyone deserves to get flowers + i didnt really have a reason to gender them.

lonely hearts club was specifically me, a chubby woman, writing a fic that doesnt center on a chubby mc and her weight + me wanting to write a chubby woman being actively pined for and loved bc of who she is as a person. no weird caveats based on weight. both tiger strips + beach body are also chubby!fem!reader because the fat experience does differ depending on the way you present yourself.  people who are perceived as women tend to get a lot more shit when it comes to the idea of “making up” for being fat. people who get perceived as men will get shit, too, but its usually in a different vein. i won’t go too much into it, but there’s a reason why i gender my chubby!reader fics and it is primarily bc of that difference.

i think while i do prefer and try to write fics where the reader is inclusive, sometimes i want to write a story for people like me tbh? even if people don’t always read them (lhc has very low interaction on it, specifically--so does beach body, but tiger stripes has decent engagement compared to them), i still think its important to write fics for people like me ig? i like making people happy.

i also like proving you can write a fic catered more toward fat ppl without making the entire plot “i hate my body sooo much im so ugly and fat no one will ever like me because im not skinny :(” and having the love interest go “babe ur pretty” and have that fix all their issues. self esteem can absolutely be a topic of conversation because i was talking with some friends the other day about the way weight gets handled in media (mainly on the topic of weight loss) and fatphobia itself. we kinda talked about a (shitty, according to a lot of ppl) anime adaptation of something where one character gets called fat and proceeds to essentially starve himself + overexercise until hes skinny and then he gets to be happy and confident and “earn” a friend. or media where a characters weight is constantly made fun of the entire time, even if they lose it--it’s constantly used to degrade them or for cheap laughs.

i think the topic of self esteem could be fully approached in writing in general. its not an issue exclusive to fat people, sure, but i think people forget that hating yourself wont just go away because one person loves you--especially if it goes deep. it gets tiring to read chubby!reader fics when so many of them feature a reader who is also depressed and hates themself, especially when it’s just waved away when reader receives love. having supportive people in your life can help, sure, but it doesn’t just... cure it. that’s the shit that happens in badly written romance movies that are definitely written by people who don’t know what it’s like to legit hate yourself and/or the way you look. loving yourself is a hard journey for everyone.

anyway im getting rambley so ill shut up now sdkfhdsf just know i like writing inclusive fic but when i get exclusive its bc thats the way i want to tell a story? lonely hearts club wouldn’t have worked the same way imo had i imagined a skinny reader by default. it would have touched on self-love in a different way + reader’s fears about pursuing ww would have been rooted a little differently. UtS reader outright being a fem!reader would have shifted the dynamic a lot  and probably touched more on how it feels to basically feel being the sole female among a large group of men and also it probably would have looked even more similar to m*ze r*nner. reader wouldn’t have been treated any differently imo but “last 14 ppl on earth who care for one another” is still at the core of it, but it would have definitely maybe pulled away from skinship a bit more to begin with before they’d all kinda go “fuck it, everyone needs physical comfort sometimes, we’ll just stay mindful of whats crossing a line with u” or w/e

[thickenmyblood]

I’ll confess my sins. When I skipped the first chapters of Capri I got stuck on Laurent’s description as spoiled and similar to overripe fruit. So i was like ah. Royal Dudley Dursley with a blonde curly wig. Sounds about right. I finally saw some fan art and was like??? Who is this anemic Victorian vampire legolas persona?? Honestly tho in an alternate universe where Auguste doesn’t die and Laurent still dislikes sports but enjoys Veres sweet meats and his metabolism is only the slightest bit slower Laurent is absolutely getting chubby. And Damen. Smh he manages to be shadiest bitch while also being appreciating. Would he insult an overweight courtier who never touched a sword? Absolutely. Would he respect a meaty sumo ringer able to throw Damen around like a rag doll? Absolutely. He seems to appreciate multiple types of bodies just fine (muscled gladiators, frail slaves, sturdy vaskian women) so I feel like he’d also appreciate curvier partners as long as they. Well know how to use their body yk. Oh and what about chubby jokaste? We don’t know enough about akielon beauty standards at all. Sure slaves are probably mostly slender and frail to add to the submissive aesthetic (tho I do remember damens fixation on his female slaves big boobs, dude is far from subtle as always). But if it’s Ancient Greek inspired beauty standards jokaste most definitely rocks some tummy rolls. Either that or she’s got super toned abs from the Pilates classes she visits with the other trophy concubines. and akielon man are properly ripped but is it king-Leonidas-washboard-abs ripped?? Or more chunky functional muscle mass ripped? Perhaps akielon noble women are even trained like Spartan women and egeria was the one with the washboard abs. Also there absolutely was a time in Vere where the chubbier the pet = the wealthier it’s owner. Im so so sorry for rambling but your post got me t h i n k i n g

This is not only hilarious but also one of the best takes I’ve ever read. There is so much to unpack here that I truly don’t know where to start.

You mentioned Dudley, whose weight and fat (derogatory) tendencies are accentuated throughout the entire Harry Potter saga. I think—and this is my personal belief, it is not something anyone else has to agree with—that part of what makes Laurent interesting and redeemable to many readers has to do with the fact that he’s beautiful*. I don’t think many people would be willing to admit that, but Laurent’s pretty privilege as a fictional character is similar to Draco Malfoy’s (in fanon) or other morally grey villains/characters’. Ugly characters are harder to forgive, for some reason.

This got me thinking that had Pacat written Laurent as canonically fat, there would be a lot of stuff going on in Damen’s head that I don’t think we’d be able to excuse as easily as we excuse other (quite horrible) thoughts of his. But also, like I mentioned above, I think Laurent would have a harder time proving to some readers that he’s not Dudley, that he’s not just a stereotype of selfishness and greed and other things fatness is associated with (like childishness or an inability to take accountability for one’s actions). This would happen not because he’s fat, but rather because we see the world through Damen’s eyes. And Damen is. . . Quite opinionated.

You mentioned Damen would be judgmental of someone’s weight based on their ability to fight. So, like you pointed out, he’d make fun of a useless in battle courtier but not of a Sumo wrestler. I think in Book 1 Damen would make fun of anything and everyone, but I do understand where you’re coming from with that statement. It makes me wonder what Damen would think of people with a mobility/physical disability. Or even with learning difficulties. Or just about anyone that, according to him, doesn’t contribute to society. If you can’t be a warrior or a bed slave, and if you’re not in a condition to be a peasant and plow fields, and if you don’t have royal blood in your veins. . . I have a hard time picturing Damen being sympathetic.

Chubby Jokaste. . . I think I’ve always thought of her as a muscled woman, given the fact that Laurent can pose as her in Book 3. There’s been a lot of discourse lately on whether Laurent is muscled or a twigly twink, which I will not get into because I. . . do not know enough about gender and/or gender expression to add anything to any argument. I am also not a gay man, so I don’t know what could be considered offensive. I am also very stupid. I also do not know what the word 'twink' means anymore.

Your ask has made me think a lot about many things I’m usually not interested in. I think it would be interesting to see a chubby Laurent who still knows how to fight, who trains, who does things other than eat and hate. Canon Laurent is slender, and yet he never manages to beat Damen in combat, so I don’t think his ability to fight would suffer much from gaining some pounds. It would be interesting to see chubby Jokaste too, even though I don’t particularly enjoy the parallels between her and Laurent in canon. It would also be interesting to see. . . different types of bodies. You mentioned the Vaskian ladies, which I like a lot, but I don’t think I’ve read or come across any fics that focus on them. I think Vannes’ pet is also described as muscular and big, but I’m afraid I don’t remember the quote and I don’t own the books, so I can’t be sure.

What I liked the most was the ending of your ask, where you went on to add little worldbuilding details. Like I said yesterday, I wish canon was more detailed so we could maybe have something to hold onto when we make certain claims. It’s hard to say which parts of Damen’s thought process are entirely his (as a prince with a lot of privilege) and which ones have to do with his culture. Pacat has pointed out some to us, like the fact that Akielons don’t enjoy certain “spectacles” of the body, like pet rings or public sex, but they do enjoy staring at bodies when they’re wrestling or performing physical activities unrelated to sex. Other things remain little mysteries, in my opinion. Do all bed slaves have the same body type? Do women wrestle? How does marriage work in Akielos? What is everyone else’s opinion on fat people? I’m sure not everyone is like Damen, who we speculate cares about having a healthy body so he can fight and. . . stuff.

I am not saying Damen is the only character who, in the historic period where Captive Prince is set, would have fatphobic thoughts. If Damen was fat, Laurent would be the first one to use that against him, especially in Book 1. I just think Damen fits the fatphobic mold better because he’s described as this hypermasculine character, very into war (I think the blurb of the book calls him a warrior prince?) and manly things. Which is not to say war is inherently manly. Which is not to say Laurent isn’t manly. Which is not to say. . . whatever.

Captive Prince is a fantasy trilogy, set in. . . the past. Concepts such as fatphobia or toxic masculinity are not exactly applicable, but I think it’s fun to explore Damen’s character through his flaws. Laurent has a lot of flaws, but Damen’s are sometimes confused with virtues. In my opinion, they’re at their best when they’re being disgustingly horrible to each other.

I’m sorry for writing you a 90 paragraph response.

* He's almost universally beautiful in the Captive Prince world. Damen finds him pretty, and Torveld, and Jord (we've read that 'cute' quote where he describes Laurent at 15 to Aimeric). Not saying fat = ugly. I'm saying it seems like the 'hegemonic' body type for pretty is Laurent's, otherwise. . . why would everyone he comes in contact with comment on his pretty looks?

[brotherhoodoftheblade]

Ugh, yes, ALL OF THIS. 😑

Yeah, I remember reading that scene with Claire and the lady on the plane and being like, "Ew, wtf? Why do you even need to go there? Just shut up and get over yourself already". 🙄 And, I mean, I can understand Claire feeling insecure about her appearance after having been separated from Jamie for a whopping 20 years, but the fatphobic comments? So fucking unnecessary.

And then the part where her bit of parting motherly advice for Brianna was "Try not to get fat". I mean, seriously?? You're abandoning your daughter, possibly forever, and THAT'S your advice for her??? 😬

And then again with Geillis (sorry I can't remember how to spell her name atm lol) in Jamaica. Like, Geillis's actions were what made her repulsive, not her having gained weight since the last time Claire had seen her. 🙄

And there were instances in other books where DG repeatedly does the same thing, using fatness to emphasize a villainous character's "repulsiveness".

Honestly, she can just go to hell with all her bigoted attitudes for all I care, because you know DG thinks the same way given that she sees no issue with all the repeated fatphobia in her books. In much the same way she sees no issue with so much other problematic stuff that can only be blamed on "historical accuracy" to a certain degree, but that ultimately comes down to personal biases being used as an excuse for lazy writing. 💀

"I have a suspicion that my read-through is going to turn into hate-reading once Jamie and Claire get back together for good and the narrative loses that engine. DG writes vignettes that are stitched together with the barest simulacra of plot threads."

I agree so much with this. The quality of the narrative definitely took a major nosedive once Jamie and Claire were reunited, indeed because DG relied so heavily on that engine to power her story. And yeah, don't even get me started on the flimsy quality of her plot devices that fall apart in the logic department as soon as you start looking too closely at them.

I keep having to remind myself that OL is primarily a historical romance and not actually proper fully fledged historical fiction (whatever the delusions of grandeur DG has created for herself on that score) every time I feel smoke pouring out my ears about some nonsense she's written. lol And the thing with me is that I'm pretty indifferent to smut most of the time, so if a story isn't fully capable of standing on its own merit without smut it's going to be glaringly obvious to me. Plus I don't even strongly ship Jamie/Claire either, so I don't even have that to help sustain my interest.

Unfortunately, I've kind of reached the hate-reading state -- which is why I've largely stopped reading the books and watching the show. (But other thing is that I already own all the damn books and I keep track of my read/unread books and it irritates me that I can't check them off my unread books list. lol I'd get rid of them altogether and solve that problem, except for John's parts of the books. Honestly, Lord John Grey, the headaches you've created for me! T_T If only I didn't love you so much I abandon the rotten ship Outlander without looking back. *sigh*)

And, yes, DG is indeed ill-equipped to handle such topics as slavery and colonialism. 😐 She gives a bit of fleeting lip service in acknowledgement of the reality of the situation here and there but the characters never actually DO anything about it. They're very passive and lacking in personal agency a lot of the time. Melodrama is the stuff that happens to them; they rarely actively do anything other than react to outside forces. It's deeply unsatisfying.

Better to just read OL fanfiction at this point, especially since it has the additional benefit of DG hating it. 😈

i remember when internet praised Outlander books by Diana Gabaldon then i gave a look at the novels and that's just 1000 pages of racism, sexism, fatphobia, homophobia and rape. Especially the book 3. There's a character that got called “the little Chinese” ugh

So here's the think about Diana Gabaldon. She's just as much of a red flag as JKR tbh. Like ok she may not be as rich or as powerful as JKR but like she uses rape in outlander and her books just as much as they did in GOT. https://www.themarysue.com/outlander-overuse-of-rape-why/

the article is 3 years old.

mod ali

[yel-it]

Alright I've finished Fate so here are my thoughts:

•They never should have attached Winx to it, keeping only 5 names and 2 powers the same while changing everyone's personality does not an adaptation make.

•However, they chose to do that so the whitewashing is inexcusable. The actors weren't so amazing and I'm sure they could have found Latine/Asian actors on par with Eliot's and Elisha's acting skills if not better.

•Even if you divorce Fate from OG Winx, it is still a badly written, poorly developed, bigoted, and barely cohesive show and here's why:

1) the dialogue is some of the weirdest nonsensical shit I have ever seen. The writer throws in random buzzwords and pop culture references to try and hide his clear misogyny and homophobia. I'm not sure why they hired a guy who professionally goes by Speed Weed to write the script but it was a mistake.

2) the pacing is bad, really bad. People's personalities change with no explanation or development, plot points are brought up and then dropped (Stella becomes nice all of a sudden and Dane likes Beatrix now when they've had barely any interaction and Bloom's mom becomes nice and caring, Aisha's struggles with her powers and Stella being "broken" by her mom's teaching methods are dropped and now they are totally fine.) and the show drags until you hit episode 4 and then everything happens.

3) the only developed relationship is Silva and Sky's and it is very clear that the writer's favorite is Sky since he's the only likeable character.

4) the girls didn't need to be friends at the beginning but the way they acted was weirdly catty and rude and not how anyone acts when first meeting people. Aisha and Bloom have some weird animosity throughout the entire series and the rest of the girls are... cliquey? Musa and Terra and Stella stick more together and have more interaction. There is no friend group dynamic at all and it's out of the blue when all of a sudden they're all buddy buddy and Bloom is laughing with them at her parent's house.

5) The climax was a let down with barely any loose ends tied up and I understand that there's going to be a second season but it was just kinda meh. I don't care what happens in the second season because the end is so confusing and not exciting at all.

6) The list of bigotry is long with this one.

- Racism- Black main characters are sidekicks at best with zero personality, overall even the background characters are overwhelmingly white.

-Homophobia- Riven is extremely homophobic and although Beatrix calls him out on it she still hangs out with him. I'm not even sure if Riven is bi because the "flirting" he does with Dane just seems like weird bullying. He actively mocks Dane for being bi and yet Dane still hangs around him. The optics for having your two bi characters be villains is not good though.

-Misogyny- writing girls as catty brats who aren’t nice to each other for no reason and fight over boys is a dumb misogynistic trope. Riven also constantly objectifies women and is never called out. 

-Fatphobia- bringing in a fat person for “body diversity” who is constantly belittled, barely fights back, and has no self-love arc is not as woke as you think it is Fate.

-Ableism- the concept of changelings is well known to be how autistic children were perceived way back when. Bringing this tale back and applying it to the main character, with the narrative of her being a troubled child but not autistic is... troubling? offensive? neglectful? All of the above.

In conclusion, Fate sucks as a show and was a nostalgia baiting cash grab wrapped in bigotry. If you must watch it please pirate it, but honestly it’s not worth your time.

[rainofaugustsith]

On Fandom and Antis

I've seen a lot of discourse back and forth on antis and anti antis and anti anti antis and I have no idea who the fuck is who. I have some thoughts on the entire situation, though. 

 1. We all have the right to ship what we wish.   2. We all have the right to dislike characters we dislike.

3. If we can write, we can be part of the solution. You don't like the fics that are out there? Write ones you do like. Write what you want to read. Engage in healthy ways.   4. We can still enjoy it, and it doesn't mean we advocate for the things that are problematic in the piece. We can simultaneously enjoy and criticize. For instance I can read Tropic of Cancer and think that it is a fascinating book while acknowledging that the narrator is a crude, sexist pig.   5. Media can and does have an influence on reality overall - hence the effectiveness of propaganda or young children developing eating disorders because of the promotion of very thin models and fatphobia in the shows they watch. Society designs shows that try to impart positive values for youth because they know they will pick something up from that media. It would be foolish to pretend that it doesn't.   6. Writing about specific tag or topic does not necessarily mean that the author or story advocate for that position. Stephen King writes characters like Annie Wilkes. I doubt he's waiting in the shadows to cut your foot off and imprison you until you write a book he likes. I mean, I don't know him personally, but I don't think so.   I don't know who here is old enough to remember the Great Livejournal Purge of the early 2000s. They purged journals and groups that had tags like "sexual abuse." The problem was, that meant that a lot of groups that were support groups for sexual abuse survivors were thrown out too. The groups had the tags so people who were looking for support after being raped or abused could find them, and they would have nuked anyone advocating for sex offenders. But the tag was there so the groups were purged. Similarly someone who writes about abuse could be doing so for catharsis, or to try to write a story about surviving CSA.   7. On a site like AO3, there is full disclosure of what the fics are about, and you can and should actively avoid anything that you do not agree with or want to read. Now, if you find an author who is not tagging and warning appropriately, that's different, but if it's tagged and warned and you have full information about what it's about? Don't like it, don't read. Don't blame others for your choices there. It's like picking up a bottle of poison, reading the label, drinking it and then complaining because it's poison.   8. People have the right to avoid whatever they do not personally feel comfortable with. People have the right to draw lines in the sand for themselves.   I am generally ship and let ship but I'll be honest: if you ship underage, pro-assault, pro-incest stuff, I don't fucking want you here. If you are a straight man and think wlw fics and authors are just here for your gratification, I don't fucking want you here.   Similarly, if you're one of those idiots who posts nothing but callout posts about how other groups of fans are awful people because they happen to like a fictional adult character or ship, or have different interpretations of a wide body of source material, I don't fucking want you here either.

9. Not all antis are created equal.   - There's a big, huge fucking difference between someone who thinks that stories that promote sexual assault are saying something wrong, and someone who thinks that anyone who identifies with Slytherin must be a horrible human being who is a Nazi in their spare time.   - There's a difference between calling out someone who likes a problematic adult ship such as R*ylo - and isn't bothering anyone else with it - and calling out someone who happens to be a R*ylo fan who is going on Twitter and harassing the Star Wars actors.   - There IS a valid problem when LGBT+ individuals do not feel comfortable in spaces that should be open to them, such as fiction about mlm, and in some cases are told straight out that mlm is not for them. And that can be addressed in part by LGBT+ reclaiming the space for themselves with their own material. 

10. If someone in the fandom is preying on minors or actively promoting MAPS or other abuse, fucking warn people. In my mind, that IS a line in the sand and that is not "ship and let ship," it's something that poses a real-time, real life danger.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

What do doctors look for when finding out if you are fit to have top surgery

Kii says:

Here’s an in depth medical article about what is looked for when someone is being assessed for surgery, but I personally don’t know enough about medical science to get helpful info from this. (Edit: Here’s another medical article.)

This article lists some factors that may affect a decision about an elective surgery as:

Conditions that cause a high risk of infection

Uncontrolled diabetes

Heart problems

Anemia

Being a smoker

Nutritional deficiencies

Mental health problems

Sleep disorders

The most common binding injuries I’ve seen cited as making someone unfit for top surgery are warped ribs (ribs that do not grow into the correct shape because of too-tight compression over many years) and broken ribs that did not heal properly and are either at risk of more damage or have healed in a shape that is abnormal.

This doesn’t mean that everyone with these conditions is unable to have surgery. It means that extra precautions or testing may have to be done to make sure that people with these conditions can safely handle anesthesia, surgery, and the recovery process. For example, this may mean that someone may be required to try various solutions to control their diabetes, or quit smoking, before the surgery can happen. 

If this is something you are dealing with, you should talk to your doctor about your options.

——

Lee says:

I’ll add a few more things that surgeons consider when they’re deciding if you’re fit to have top surgery, or therapists consider before writing you the WPATH letter saying you’re fit to have surgery.

Weight:

One thing Kii didn’t mention that surgeons may consider when deciding if you’re fit to have top surgery is your weight. One of the mods here was told to lose weight or they wouldn’t be able to get surgery, as I recall.

As long as you don’t have any serious health complications because of your weight, you usually can get top surgery. It just might be harder to find a surgeon.

Fat folk are probably going to have to get double incision top surgery, since their chest would be too large for a keyhole or periareolar, but they can get just as flat as anyone else with double incision.

It’s more likely you’ll get “dog ears” at the end of your scars towards your armpits, but that can be dealt with by getting a revision which is often free. Make sure you ask your top surgeon what their policy on revisions are, and what fees you’d have to pay if you needed one.

There can be some fatphobia when you’re looking for a top surgeon- there can be some increased risks for overweight people going under anesthesia, and some top surgeons use that as an excuse to turn down a patient even when it is possible for them to get surgery safely.

You may have to “surgeon shop” a bit to find a surgeon who is competent, capable and willing, but it’s possible and achievable! I have two fat trans guy friends who got top surgery in the past year, and they’re totally happy with their results.

Acne:

Surgeons prefer to operate when you have unbroken skin- that’s why you usually aren’t supposed to shave your chest area on your own the day before surgery, they do it themselves in the operating room if needed. They want to reduce the chance of an infection, which could be spread by the bacteria in acne, and you’ll be taking antibiotics when you’re post-op to also help reduce the chance of infection.

I actually have heard about people having their top surgery dates cancelled or postponed because they had bad acne or pustules near the operative site, so it is a possibility that this could delay your top surgery.

I know Dr. Wilkins at UofM was hesitant about operating on a patient with acne, but in the end that patient ended up being cleared for surgery- I can’t recall if the acne cleared up or if the surgeon changed his mind, but I do remember him being on the fence about whether he was going to operate or postpone the surgery. I also remember Dr. Turkeltaub saying he wanted to wait to operate on a patient with acne until it was more controlled, and Dr. Lorianni has said the same thing- and those are just three of the surgeons who I can recall saying that off the top of my head, I’m sure there are more.

If you have acne, you should bring it up in your consultation with your top surgeon! Tell them you have bad acne, list any treatments you’ve tried, then say that you don’t think that it will be improving before surgery and ask if it’s possible to get surgery anyway.

If the first top surgeon who you have a consultation with says they don’t want to do surgery until your acne has improved, try getting a second opinion from another top surgeon in another consultation.

If you think your acne is bad enough that it’ll impact your chances of being able to get top surgery then you should see a dermatologist! However, some top surgeons want you to wait several months after being on Accutane before getting surgery. So it’s really best to have your consult with the top surgeon, ask if you’re good to go for surgery despite the acne, and then ask if any acne treatment like Accutane will need to be stopped a certain amount of time before your surgery.

So schedule your initial consult with both a top surgeon and with a dermatologist, and tell your dermatologist that you want to see what you can do to manage your acne without the Major treatments like Accutane at first, then you can go on that if needed after your top surgery consult.

But people have had top surgery with acne (example, example), and whether it impacts surgery really depends on the severity of the acne, whether it could be treated/reduced in the months before surgery, and the particular surgeon’s comfort level with operating on patients with acne. I’m not saying it’s impossible to get top surgery when you have acne- plenty of people have- but yes, some surgeons will delay your surgery because of it.

Dealing with Acne and Other Skin Breakouts

Psychosis:

I faced barriers to top surgery because the doctors in charge of my treatment don’t want to write me a letter stating I’m fit to make a decision on top surgery because I had a psychotic disorder, so I had to wait to get top surgery until they determined that my symptoms were under control.

The WPATH guidelines say:

“Any co-existing psychological, medical, or social problems that could interfere with treatment (e.g., that may compromise treatment adherence) have been addressed, such that the adolescent’s situation and functioning are stable enough to start treatment"

The presence of co-existing mental health concerns does not necessarily preclude possible changes in gender role or access to feminizing/masculinizing hormones or surgery; rather, these concerns need to be optimally managed prior to or concurrent with treatment of gender dysphoria. In addition, clients should be assessed for their ability to provide educated and informed consent for medical treatments.

When patients with gender dysphoria are also diagnosed with severe psychiatric disorders and impaired reality testing (e.g., psychotic episodes, bipolar disorder, dissociative identity disorder, borderline personality disorder), an effort must be made to improve these conditions with psychotropic medications and/or psychotherapy before surgery is contemplated.

Reevaluation by a mental health professional qualified to assess and manage psychotic conditions should be conducted prior to surgery, describing the patient’s mental status and readiness for surgery. It is preferable that this mental health professional be familiar with the patient. No surgery should be performed while a patient is actively psychotic.”

I did eventually get my letters, but it took about 6 months in an intensive outpatient program, 1 hospitalization in the psych ward for 2 weeks, and antipsychotics twice a day and anti-depressants once a day which I’m continuing to take before I was stable enough.

[hecohansen31]

One of Xavier's dance student being chubby and ashamed because of that, in the middle of the class, with all these perfect bodies. She decided to stop, because she is sure everyone is judging her, but when she tells Xavier, he doesn't understand : "You are very good at this. Maybe the best. I can see that you love to dance, so why do you want to stop ?" And when she explains : "But... You are gorgeous, love ! How can you not see that ?!" (I don't know if you are ok to write about Xavier, sorry)

(A/N): Hello lovely!

I am very sorry for being extremely late with this ask and the one I have yet to write… I honestly had the time of my life in Greece and although I am not sorry for it, i am sorry I didn’t have the time to answer your lovely asks!

Also before I leave you with the fic… I just wanted to say that I don’t mind writing for Xavier, but I prefer staying on the softer side (such as with this ask, which I LOVED!) and without smut, mostly because I personally don’t fel comfortable yet writing for him, in that way… 

Thank for your patience and I hope you’ll like this!

WARNINGS: Fatphobia, Fatshaming, Insecure!Reader.

People always watched you weirdly whenever you would walk in during the dance lessons.

They seemed always surprised that someone with “your body” could actually want to make fun of herself in front of people, willingly.

They didn’t know you had always loved dancing, no matter the body you had been given.

Dancing made you feel daringly free and you were glad you had discovered it, although sometimes it made you feel self-conscious to meet the others’ stare, and see them looking at you with a glint of malice and surprise in their eyes.

Sometimes also disgust came mixed in.

You sometimes heard the things they gossiped after practice and although they hurt, you didn’t let them get to you, knowing that you had built this confidence on a frail construction, which would crumble if you let anybody tear apart at its bottom.

You just did your thing, had fun and finally went back home feeling indeed better and relaxed, since dance was your way to relax through a week worth of horrible thoughts, ending up in a comfortable state of calm, where you enjoyed a shower and a nice meal, smiling slowly at seeing the change in your body, meanwhile you undressed.

It had taken you a long time to love your body the way it was, but you were slowly moving onto that road and you couldn’t help but believe that dance was an important tool towards your beloved goal.

But something changed after your last dance teacher decided to switch up with another for the summer, and although you didn’t think much of it, you ended up having to deal more than you had originally thought with Xavier, the new dance instructor.

A gorgeous playboy with a very sociable personality, constantly talking with whoever gave him the slightest of attention and beaming at any new girl falling for him.

You weren’t immune to his boyish charm, but at the same time your confidence wasn’t that high to actually try to pursue him, preferring watching him from the sidelines, blushing whenever he spoke to you, either as a compliment or a suggestion.

But then it all started: Xavier asked you to stay a bit more with him, after the lesson was over so that you could try out new moves.

“I am giving you a preview of our next lesson” he smirked, meanwhile he helped you move yourself into the perfect position, putting his hands on your body and making you feel hot and bothered, as if you were into a different circumstance and more time than not you found yourself escaping his grip, scared of your own body.

What would happen if it betrayed you and made a fool of yourself in front of such a pretty guy?

As you spent more time together, you couldn’t help but develop a more “spiritual crush” on the blond dancer, since you had started sharing more and more stories about yourselves and it had helped you a bit, although you were still too shy to try anything with him.

It all started falling into dust, as one particular week approached.

Everything you had built started was destroying itself.

A bad day had led to a bad dance lesson, where you had accidentally tripped in your own feet and fell down, in front of the entire class, a laugh leaving each students’ mouth and tears escaped yours eyes, painfully, meanwhile you scattered away, sad and suddenly self-conscious.

You hadn’t attended the dance lessons for a week straight, and you had ended up being extremely slow in the following lessons, choosing to stay in the back and feeling as if every girl looking at you was judging you, meanwhile whenever a laugh was uttered you thought it was just for you, for your clumsy moves and your ugly body.

You had reached a self-deprecating point since the thing that brought happiness to you had been tainted horridly, you couldn’t help but believe that quitting it would have been the best idea, both for yourself and for others.

You had actually spoken with the studio and that lesson should have been the last one, had Xavier not blocked you after it.

After the incident he had graciously tried to speak with you, going as far as to ask Montana and Brooke to check on you: the blonde had admitted that Xavier had given her five dollars just to talk with you, whereas the talk with Brooke had been painfully difficult due to the girl’s shyness.

They both had talked to you as if Xavier seriously cared about you, more than he actually let on.

You had always avoided his attempts, excusing yourself saying that you didn’t want to be late for dinner or inventing sudden activities you couldn’t avoid.

But this time it didn’t work, because he went straight to the point.

“I have been told that you don’t want to continue with the dance lessons” his voice was strangely not joking and extremely serious “… and I have been told that it might have been my fault, since you were a very happy client, before I came in”.

He tried to go for a smirk at the end of the phrase, but it didn’t work too much, and you had to take a few minutes to process both the fact that Xavier wasn’t speaking cheerily and merrily and for the words he spoke.

And when it finally hit you, you rushed into answering him, giving him the best excuse, you could muster up.

“Oh no, it isn’t…” you stammered and blushed, mostly because Xavier had come closer as if your voice was too low for him to be heard from his previous position “… it isn’t your fault, I just found myself in a bit of an economical emergency…”.

People never wanted to ask and talk about money saying it was cheap, so you thought you were safe, but Xavier still didn’t regain his happy-go-lucky personality, sending you a look that clearly said you had been busted.

“I am sure that you and the studio could must up some agreement … I mean… I can talk with them for you, it would be a shame to see my favorite student go away… for an economical emergency”

From the way he said the last part of his discourse you knew you had been busted but you didn’t know what to say and Xavier huffed sadly, moving a bit away and sitting down on a little step, hiding his precious face behind his hands.

You were bewildered by his actions and some part of him wanted to take his face in your hands and try to calm him down, but you couldn’t, not understanding why he was so sad to see you go.

Had the studio seriously thought he might have been the reason why they were losing the clients?

Maybe he had gotten a reprimand for it…

“… maybe it is because I make you uncomfortable” he spoke up, not looking at her, instead looking down at his palms “… I am always used to people being not offended by my outspoken personality that I forget that there are people who might not appreciate it”.

And although you had been indeed “a bit” uncomfortable with Xavier’s outspoken personality it wasn’t something that made you dislike him for anything else, you actually admired his carefree attitude and wished that he could lend you some.

The real problem was that you didn’t want him to be uncomfortable.

You heard the gossip that was spoken behind your shoulders in locker rooms, where girls speculated on what Xavier might find in you, all thinking that you and Xavier were doing some different kind of dance in your “private time”.

“He probably has to keep his eyes closed, meanwhile she blows him, or he wouldn’t be able to cum”.

“She probably can’t top him, or his legs would be broken”.

“It is so sad to see a guy who can get anyone, get himself such a whale!”.

“What does he see in her?”.

Well, had they known that she thought the same thing, each time she left the studio…

“You don’t make me uncomfortable Xavier” you tried to comfort him, moving closer, not sitting beside him, but gently caressing his shoulder “… I just… don’t feel comfortable doing jazzercise, no more”.

The boy finally looked up at you and you felt compelled to sit beside him, giving him an awkward smile, meanwhile you moved to avoid having to face him.

“I just… it is already difficult for me to survive in a world where my body is not accepted, and whenever I come here… I just can’t help but get remembered that I am not… perfect and accepted, and I honestly can’t stand it farther”.

Silence welcomed you and you found yourself stupid to have burdened Xavier which such silly thoughts, and immediately got up, thinking that you would be indeed late for dinner if you stayed for longer, but as soon as you tried to swing yourself up, you found yourself to be anchored by Xavier back into the step.

“You seriously believe this” it wasn’t a question and his voice sounded disgusted, finally showing what he should have felt from the start, but as he continue the discourse she was strangely surprised “… you are the best person I have ever seen dancing in this studio; you always put so much energy and work so hard in each session”.

You blushed shyly and shook your head slightly.

“… no no it’s true, listen to me” and he gently turned your chin to his face, so you could see completely that he wasn’t lying to you in the slightest “… you are so pretty and nice, and seriously a good dancer…”.

He gently cradled your face into his hands, to stop him from faltering away, but keeping his grip as if he was holding the most delicate flower in the entire world.

You, on your part, couldn’t help but blush, but you were unable to look away and move away, choosing instead to move closer, even just slightly charmed by his pretty eyes and even prettier words.

“And… this will probably make you feel uncomfortable… but you are so so beautiful” his eyes told you he wasn’t joking in the slightest “…I honestly thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world when I first saw you, that’s why I asked you to spend more time together, and that’s where I discovered you are the nicest person ever, truly inside and out”.

“But I am…” you tried to protest but he gently shushed you.

“I don’t think that you have to be slim to be considered beautiful, you can be a bit chubbier and still be the most gorgeous woman ever… it isn’t about that…” he gently moved closer, just an inch from your lips “… isn’t beauty in the eyes of the beholder?”.

And he gently pushed his lips onto yours, covering them gently with his, a swift swirl of his tongue asked for access and you were too surprised to deny it, letting Xavier push his hand onto your neck to stead yourself, meanwhile yours went into his hair, and you didn’t think even for a minute that he would be pissed that you messed up his “perfect hair”.

You could only think that Xavier, oh “Perfect Xavier” was kissing you with so much passion, where he could have any other girls in the world.

Insecurities creeped onto you and you felt yourself stiffen slightly, something even Xavier saw through and immediately retreated from the kiss, checking you out scared that he might have startled you.

And you could have just run away, listening to your insecurities, but you chose to shove them down, to shut them up for once, throwing yourself into another kiss with Xavier, this one much more chaste and delicate, meanwhile Xavier was caught by surprise this time but quickly took the lead of the inexperienced kiss, leaving her breathless as they separated themselves.

He smirked at her sheepishly and you lowered your eyes, shyly hiding yourself from him who sneaked an arm behind your shoulder brining you closer and smacking a kiss on your cheek.

“… well if you have this kind of “economical problems”, I suppose I can give you private lessons” he wiggled absurdly his eyebrows and you couldn’t help but let out a little laugh, making him take a sharp intake of breath, finding him staring at you with intensity.

“What is it?” you asked, not losing your smile.

“Nothing…” he mumbled, shifting again closer and kissing your forehead softly “… you just look even prettier when you smile”.

[robobee]

whats the tea with derek landy i'm out the loop and curious

oooh, hello nonnie!!!!

*rubs hands together* i am SO glad you asked cause i been itching to be bitchin

so, basically, what’s happened is that recently derek landy has shown himself to be, uh, how we say… a bit problematic.

warning: it’s a lil long and detailed-ish. please do send in another ask if you just want a basic ‘yah so thats it’ ! 

also, heh, i’m just gonna be spitballing bc even i’m not sure exactly whats going on

          there’s some +s on the major stuff for your ease!

first, some background: his recent trilogy Demon Road featured a ‘protagonist’(who, in traditional Derek fashion is pretty problematic too but i digress) who does the regular stuff, plot plot plot, blah blah blah. In the second book of the trilogy, the main character Amber is revealed to be gay. Now, here’s where it starts to become :/ .

now, as i myself am not gay/bi(?)/pan i don’t feel like i’m quite qualified to talk about this, but i will say what i have heard from members of the lgbt+ community. apparently, landy has shown a degree of lesbophobia in the new books. i’m not entirely clear on this but i understand that the gay characters/relationships are… not executed that well.  there is a bit of fatphobia too - amber is canonically plump* but there are many negative comments made about her body, both by herself and other characters. she feels that she’s better when she is ‘thin and tall’ - and we know these are some harmful thoughts to convey. although i do suppose they tie in with the ‘amber is an insecure lead!!!1111′ thing. 

+  there was definitely some backlash to the second book when it came out, idk if you know about that, but it was on these same issues: ‘oh, the relationship isnt healthy!! its shaming!! its portraying wrong things!!!11′  et cetera et cetera.

i haven’t read the 3rd book myself, but from what i’ve heard of the reviews, it doesn’t get better. @doneganbanes​ can elaborate on that. so, that’s 

not enough respect for lesbian (characters).

although this is pretty debatable and opinion will differ from each person, this was basically a lil’ triggering factor for the ‘people writing his name like ‘L*ndy’ thing. i guess? i wasn’t active for a bit but uh ppl are doing that now

/// now, to the other, personal complaints I have with the books, stemming from taking a second look after the whole demon road thing.

+ gaping lack of major poc characters, especially woc(women of color). seriously, i can count the characters i remember on one hand. most of which are male. hm.    the brides of blood tears were a temp plot device, and don’t count. if he can add Australians, he can add poc since they DO make up a larger population. *is salty as a woc*

transphobia? (again, going off what lgbt people have said) not blatant, but basically the entire Thrasher-is-trans/Scapegrace thing pissed some people off as it was used as a comedic plot device, and didn’t do him justice.  i do applaud him for implying trans characters in a kids novel, but uh… yeah. again, refer to @doneganbanes​.

- all implication and no confirmation. referring to previous points, i understand that we can interpret valkyrie/ghastly/etc as darker skinned, but the offical art does show irish and pale. same with the lgbt hinting. so, again, reference and implications are great but….hm. there just should’ve been more. i do hope he rectifies that in the new book as these days people are a lot more tolerant of that kinda stuff.

-and more, but i’ll shut up now.

+ CONCLUSION:   basically, that’s my interpretation. i’m not sure myself as to *exactly* whats happening, but here are my personal reasons for loving his work and still being aware of his issues.

> if you want a tl;dr version please do send in another ask!!

[ongames]

Here's Everything You Need To Know About Fat Sex Week

Sex Heroes is an ongoing HuffPost Q&A series by Voices Editorial Director Noah Michelson that explores the lives and experiences of individuals who are challenging, and thereby changing, mainstream culture’s understanding of sex and sexuality. 

Bevin Branlandingham wants to change the way we think about bodies, beauty and... banging.

The 38-year-old self-described “queer fat femme,” who owns a blog of the same name where she “chronicle the relentless pursuit of her joy,” writes about body liberation, travel, plus size fashion, sexuality, relationships, spirituality, authenticity and sex. Fat sex to be exact.

In fact, Branlandingham is the creator of Fat Sex Week, an eight-day (”Fat Sex Week was obviously fatter than a regular week,” she said) blog series dedicated to sex, love and relationships for fat people and those who appreciate them.

I recently chatted with the writer, emcee, drag, burlesque and comedy performer about proudly identifying as fat, the difference between fat sex and not-fat sex, what we can expect from Fat Sex Week XXL, the upcoming follow up to Fat Sex Week, and more.

The Huffington Post: How did you come to define yourself as “queer, fat and femme”? Bevin Branlandingham: I kind of came out as all of those things at the same time. I fell in with the right crowd and I realized I had these new words to describe who I was and that was my point of liberation. That’s why still to this day my blog is called Queer Fat Femme and I really use that moniker as an empowerment tool to talk about a life lived fabulously at the nexus of these oppressed identities.

You use the term “fat” as opposed to other terms that people might consider more “politically correct.” Why do you prefer that specific term? A lot of people who are fat don’t use the term. I’ll actually use all of the labels because it’s fun to have different ways of describing your body but I think “fat” is the most important to me because I think it’s the most stigmatized, and so reclaiming that is super empowering. Really, just being in my body and owning my body [is empowering]. I had a pretty significant weight loss — I call it a non-consensual weight loss because I didn’t intend to lose weight. I was addressing chronic inflammation and chronic disease in my body and I ended up losing a lot of weight. But I was still fat — that was the thing — I got a lot of art out of that because I was talking through the shift in my body and how people were interacting with that. It feels like the important thing is that I’m still owning my body and how I describe it and how I own it and I wasn’t “not fat” — you lose weight when you’re fat and you’re still fat… that happens all the time. 

Tell me about Fat Sex Week.  I’ve done a few different sex weeks — I’ve done a fat sex week and a femme sex week. Because I had multiple ideas around fat sex I think I just thought, Oh, I’ll just do a week. As a blogger doing a week of things is fun: it gives me a writing prompt and then I can just farm content from my friends’ too. The first fat sex week was just like that — I had a bunch of stuff to talk about and share with my readers. The next fat sex week is called Fat Sex Week XXL as an homage to the movie “Magic Mike XXL,” which was much better than the original.

I have a friend who loves “Magic Mike” and he says the same thing but I have a really hard time believing either of those films are very good. Am I’m wrong? Do I need to see them? [Those films involve] amazing performances of masculinity. It involves gender performance all the way. It’s easier for [mainstream viewers] because it’s cisgender men but there is just so much gender performance happening. I feel like that’s where the actors are coming from — even if they don’t know it. It’s like a drag show.

OK. OK. I’ll consider watching them but back to Fat Sex Week… It’s a series of blog posts. I do some interviews. I’m always trying to curate diverse expressions of fat sexuality, so I find interesting people and things and then find interesting ways to tell those stories. My friend Substania Jones does an amazing series, called “The Adipositivity Project,” that involves taking pictures of fat people’s bodies and she’s been doing it for 10 years. Thinking about body liberation 10 years ago — it was a really different landscape. I started out doing this work in 2002 and I just didn’t think it would come this far so fast. It’s really impressive. What’s great about Substansia’s series is that it really just shows fat people who are loved and who have partners or who have sexual partners and it’s permission-giving for fat sexuality. I really wanted to highlight that so I interviewed a couple who were featured in this year’s Valentine’s series. Another thing I’m doing is there’s a new sex toy that’s an “[Female to Male] masturbator” — basically it’s made for F to M bodies and I’m having a fat F to M person review it for my blog for fat sex week.

  "I don’t want somebody to want me because I’m fat and I don’t want someone to want me in spite of being fat. I want someone who sees in the whole picture and thinks I’m hot."

Maybe this is a dumb question but is Fat Sex Week only for people who identify as fat? My blog is for everybody. That’s one of the best things about being a blogger: I know I’m probably the weirdest person a lot of people know, whether they’ve ever met me in person or not. I give people a view of the world that they don’t otherwise have access to. I think that humanizes people and I hope that makes a difference and has some kind of social impact. For Fat Sex Week, I always aim it at other fat people who want to have better sex but it’s also helpful to show people who are not fat that fat people are sexual and deserve sex and all bodies are deserving of sex just as they are. The idea is to do a little bit of activism but also to present some really interesting facets of fat sexuality.

What are some of the things that you concentrate on? What’s different about “fat sex” when compared to “not-fat sex”? There’s the rub, right? There’s some acknowledgement that things are different to have sex in a fat body. I don’t think that’s necessarily a negative thing and sometimes people think that having accommodations or doing things differently than what straight cis thin people do is like somehow bad because it’s different. Frankly, I think that queer sex is more interesting than straight sex because there’s more variety — there’s nothing that’s off-limits. You just do what feels good. It’s not about procreation, which is just so limiting because of the “penis and vagina end game.”

Do you consider fat sex to be queer sex? I know too many normal straight fat people to say that [laughs] but fat sex is definitely very much part of queer sex and I think that even heterosexual people can be queer and can have queer sex. What we’re really talking about here is this very complex venn diagram [overlapping queer sex and fat sex] because if you’re sexually liberated or “weird,” that’s definitely queer — even if it’s happening in a cisgender heterosexual way. Even then, fat sex is different because different positions work better. For example, if you’re two people in a fat relationship and you both have vulvas and you both want penetration, you’re going to need a different size toy to do a double penetration situation between the two of you than you’d need for two thin people trying to accomplish the same thing. You just need more length. So there are just differences that are necessary but the approach to having good quality fat sex is the same as the approach to having any good quality sex: being open to adapting and creating in the way that creates the most pleasure for everyone involved.

Is it O for a not-fat person to use the term “fat” to describe other people or identities? Great question. I think you need to be mindful of your audience. Understanding that “fat” is a term that is often used for empowerment purposes — you want to listen to your cues. Someone who knows me for even 20 minutes is going to know that I identify as “fat.” That’s just so much a part of who I am. You don’t want to call someone “fat” who hasn’t destigmatized that word for themselves. If you’re working on behalf of body liberation and you’re saying things and you’re confronting things and you’re talking about “fat” from an empowered place, that’s OK. But if you’re just saying “fat people yadda yards” and you’re not using it in that empowered way, then I would say you don’t get a pass on that. It’s like straight people using the word “queer”: it’s more mainstream than ever before but you also need to be careful about how you’re using it, in what context and who you’re talking to when using it.

I was reading something you wrote that really intrigued me about “fat appreciators” or people who are admirers of fat people and the complex configuration of emotions that can exist when you’re on the receiving end of that appreciation. I’d love to talk a little bit more about that and can you also tell me what’s your preferred term for someone who is attracted to or appreciates fat people sexually and/or romantically? I don’t have a preferred term yet — I haven’t settled on one — but I do really like the concept of “fat appreciation.” There’s so much fat fetishizing that happens. Any of my fat friends who are interested in having sex with cisgender men who are on Tinder will tell me how much bullshit they have to put up with because of the way in which many men treat their bodies or talk about their bodies — there’s a lot of not seeing [my friends] as human because it’s all mixed up with fatphobia and fat loathing and then because they find fat women attractive, it comes out in this super gross objectifying way. Some people like to be objectified and that’s totally cool but for me, it’s complex. I don’t want somebody to want me because I’m fat and I don’t want someone to want me in spite of being fat. I want someone who sees in the whole picture and thinks I’m hot. I want to acknowledge the struggle that happens for people who appreciate fat bodies and who are attracted to fat bodies in a fatphobic society while also recognizing I’m a person who is oppressed in our fat phobic society and therefore have more oppression than them. It’s not the Oppression Olympics but let’s eradicate fatphobia first and foremost because fat people are worthy of the full experience of humanity and sexuality. And then we can deal with the people who feel like they have some stigma because they’re attracted to fat people. It all just stems from fatphobia.

What is the biggest misconception about fat sex? That fat people are not fuckable. I think that fat people are wildly fuckable.

What do you want people to take away from your work? I want people to know that they are worthy of love exactly as they are. There’s nothing that they have to change about themselves to be worthy of love. I focus on issues that important to me but ultimately what I want to do is heal. I think that we’re stuck in this feedback loop that’s created by our media, our society and our system in America — and in our world — which is the idea that we’re not enough, so we need to buy stuff to feel like we’re enough but we’re never enough and it’s a constant feedback loop where we pay money to corporations who pay money to the media to sell stuff to us so that we pay them money. I want people to feel liberated from that and know they’re worthy. With Fat Sex Week, if I can empower one person to feel more confident and to feel more entitled to their own sexuality and to feel open to trying new things or exploring something new and interesting with their bodies or just feeling more confident to be in the world as a fat person or as a person with any other difference — that’s exactly what I want to happen. I just want people to feel good in their bodies — because we deserve it.

For more from Bevin Branlandingham, including her upcoming Fat Sex Week XXL, visit her site, Queer Fat Femme.

This interview was edited for length and clarity.

Is there a sex hero you think deserves to be covered on The Huffington Post? Send an email to Noah Michelson.

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