#so much so that Janus forgave him

[starry-smuts]

This applies to any and all updates so I’m gonna use it as a thread for updates to lay out my thoughts lol. Keeping it in the tags in case spoilers for part 7

So how are we feeling after the latest chapter?

[sanderstan]

I have been in a Sander Side fixation for a while and when watching the new video, I was hyped for the Janus and Remus interaction! I have been reading a lot of good fan fiction stories with them both and they really just captured the dynamic of the characters.

When watching these, I’ve been seeing a lot of Roman and Remus hanging out like brothers again, even after the DWIT episode a while ago. Remus had apologized and Roman forgave him after a while, since he is the prince character and is trying to do good.

I Would really love to see the other sides (Logan, Virgil, Patton, Janus and even Thomas) take a visit to the Imagination. It seems like a lovely place that is also mixed with chaos (since Remus can control some of it as well) just as a place to relax. Instead of just one person caring after someone, they all help each other, and in turn, help Thomas the most.

I enjoy being able to send posts like these to the world to share my ideas since I feel like it would be rude to comment on a video some idea from a random person for a video if Thomas already has plans and are working on video’s and things in his own personal life.

And on that note, you should always time for yourself and for others that are important to you. Keep the people you love and cherish close so that when you’re at your darkest moments, there is someone to help guide you to the light.

I hope you all have a wonderful day/night, remember to stay hydrated, eat, self-care and sleep at least a good 5 hours if 8 is too much.

[treenissanderssidesstuff]

Snippet: Soft Serve

Ship: Intruality

Takes place at the same time as: "Sore"-bet

Close, but not close enough.

Janus had already retired that night. Something about early to bed and early to rise self-care. Logan was the next to follow in the middle of movie three to abide his strict schedule. He side-eyed Patton as he walked away… they still weren’t on speaking terms.

At the end of movie three, Roman and Virgil left together and Patton wasn’t at all jealous of the way they leaned against each other throughout the movies, just like they always were now and he definitely didn’t notice that neither of them reached toward him for a goodnight hug like they used to do every night.

He shouldn’t have expected anything else really.

This was his own fault.

And now he was alone.

Patton wrapped another blanket around his shoulders as movie night tapered off. Everyone had joined tonight and it was… it was nice. To have everyone around, even if… even if no one really forgave him yet. The only person talking to him recently was Janus He apparently didn’t notice or didn’t care about the tension in the room, almost floating above it all with a smile on his face as he sat close to Patton throughout the first two movies as if everything was fine. At least, until the feeling of the couch sinking next to him drew his attention away from the light show.

He had almost forgotten Remus was there. Remus made an appearance with Janus and Patton had both surprised he was in clothes at all and enamored by his kraken onesie with extra pose-able limbs he mainly used that night to poke Virgil or Logan at random increments. Most surprising of all however was how quiet Remus was throughout the whole night, only occasionally throwing in the occasional inappropriate quip that only drew attention for seconds at a time at most. Otherwise he kept to himself, staying at the edge of the group as he sat on the floor next to the couch rather than on it.

“Well Patootie, what’s next?”

“Huh?”

“You’re still up and I’m still up, so how about another one?”

“Uh sure thing-“ Patton said, trying to bite down the pet name that had become turn of phrase. He didn’t have any kiddos. They were all adults and didn’t need him to tell them what to do.

Remus rose an eyebrow when Patton passed him the remote. He had a funny look on his face as he did it too, almost amused, but there was something more in there. Still, he pressed some buttons, flipping through to something and surprised Patton all over again. It wasn’t horror or lewd, just something that looked like a crappy off-brand D grade super hero movie with terrible acting and even worse effects.

Honestly it was exactly the kind of thing Patton would have chosen by himself when the others weren’t around to judge him for it. The pack bonding instinct was strong and Patton felt the need to watch the movies that no one else would. Still, there was something almost charming about things that were such terrible quality, they didn’t take themselves quiet so seriously. It was easy to laugh when the production was laughing at itself.

It was true that night too. For the first time that night, Patton felt light. Giggles and chortles and snorts came freely between them as they mutually commented and cooed at the earnest attempts of the actors and were surprised into laughing fits all over again at the downright awful props and costuming. Their budget must have been mainly rubber bands and chewed bubble gum from the way they pulled things together.

Still, with the atmosphere relaxing, Patton found himself relaxing with it as everything got a little fuzzy.

“Need a cuddle?” Remus asked, surprising Patton for the third time that evening while opening his arms in invitation.

He was beginning to realize that maybe he didn’t know much about the duke at all.

“You give cuddles?”

He shrugged. “Janny gets cold too. We do this all the time.”

“You do?”

“You don’t?”

“I…” Patton let the sentence trail off, not sure how to answer.

It used to be common place to share hugs and cuddles and touches between them, but that had been happening less and less recently as things became more serious. Everyone was angry, everyone was tense. In his own odd way, Remus was a breath of fresh air every time he entered the room. Patton had watched more than once as he made a lewd or dark joke in the middle of the others fighting and completely sidetracked whatever hurtful thing someone was about to say.

“How’d you know I’m still cold?” Patton asked, his fingers playing with the hem of one of his blankets.

“Call it an educated guess,” Remus said with a smirk. “Well?”

Patton hesitated, but only a moment more before he scooted closer and leaned into Remus’ open arms. He was so warm. The duke began to run warm hands up and down Patton’s arms and he found himself melting.

“Careful or I’ll fall asleep,” Patton said, feeling himself lean more and more against the warm body behind him.

“It’s alright Patsy, I gotcha.”

[ts-janus-rp-blog]

"yep! Just cause they don't like us and don't want us growing too much in numbers. And when they kill us... Well, there's no second hell. We die, but permanently. I've even heard that they kidnap some of us to bring with them to hell where they experiment on those sinners and test out their new weapons on them. Pretty harsh stuff if you ask me." Sarah said around her mouthful of ice cream. "Luckily they rarely come into buildings so you should be safe here. They mainly go for the unlucky ones that don't have anywhere to go. If they do dare to come in here then Janus will protect us... Now how the hell he'll do that, I'm not sure but... I'm sure he'll protect us. He'll find a way."

"even before then he was always a closed off guy. But after that... He became even more closed off. It's not your fault you fucked up. He's sensitive." Sarah shrugged, "He's a ticking time bomb. You had no idea that would set him off. It's not like that's your fault. You are lucky he forgave you though, he doesn't forgive most people."

Sarah giggled along with his shy giggle. "Oh? Nah, I'm sure your blush is way cuter! Wait, you've seen him blush?" Sarah gasped, "Dude, then he must totally love you! He never blushes around me! Fuck, man, you two are head over heals in love with each other! It's super cute!!" She squealed.

HazbinSidesRP-P4-HazbinSidesRP

TW: Rape. Misgendering. Swearing. Blood. Demons. Janus is Valentino.

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↣P1, P2, P3↢

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@ts-janus-rp-blog

[PREVIOUS REPLY]

"well, just don't do it intentionally next time, yeah? That's all I ask. If you did it accidentally then that's not in your control, is it? Though, I suppose this time you did it accidentally so I shouldnt be so hard on you... Still though, thank you for apologizing! That means a lot to me!" Sarah hummed as she led him back to the hotel. "Hm... I'm not sure either. Honestly, he doesn't let anyone besides him fiddle with his drinks and ingredients. So I'm not sure what he has behind there. I think I saw him have strawberry ice cream once? Maybe we can have some of that too!" Sarah glanced back at the hotel, then to Virgil with a smile. "I'm glad too. You know... I think that Logan likes you. He's never treated any of us like that before. And hes never forgave us that easily. I reckon he may have a crush on you!" She giggled.

"Aw, thank you, dear." Sarah hummed as she stepped into the hotel and went over to the bar. But she sighed when she saw the mess on the floor. Beer bottles were thrown all over the place, luckily empty beer bottles so there was just a ton of glass all over the place. But still, it was a mess. "I told the maids to clean this mess! Gosh, they never listen to me! Be careful, deary. I don't want you getting hurt."

She stepped around the shards of glass to be beside Virgil. "Hm... A couple spoonfuls is enough for me!" She hummed, then she moved to sit on the bar instead. "So... Tell me... Do you happen to have a crush on Logan?" She purred, her legs kicking in the air.

[agerestorybits]

cuddlebitty

 It had admittedly been awhile since Remus had seen anyone, it wasn't that they were avoiding him or the other way around. They're paths just didn't cross unless they went looking for him. And since no one had gone looking for him they didn’t really want to see him huh?

That’s fine, Janus was busy but he would show up eventually. He always did. One time Remus had been alone for nearly six months before anyone thought to look for him, and this time it had only been one so it was fine. He just had to wait it out. The rejection of going looking and getting turned away hurt more than just waiting and hoping that today someone thought of him enough to come looking.

He didn’t keep his regression a secret, quite the opposite he told everyone about it. They had even watched him on the rare occasion that they had shown up when he was little. They offered for him to come find them when he was little, but the one time he did everyone was busy and brushed him off.

That hurt a lot more than when he was bigger and he went to visit.

So Remus just stuck with Cuddlebitty. Cuddlebitty was a large stuffed...something that he made for when he got lonely. He talked to it and carried it around with him. It was a patchwork of colors and materials that made him think of the others...mostly because it was made from clothing that he stole from them. He sometimes lied to himself and told himself that they gave those things to him because they wanted him to remember them.

Of course they had never given him presents or anything before so that wasn’t a good lie. But Janus was never there to call him out on it anymore so it was ok.

He never let them see cuddlebitty, afraid they would take him away if they saw what he did. He knew they had all fought each other for a week over the missing clothing and ended up being suspicious of each other for a while after the fighting stopped.

But Remus had hidden Cuddlebitty too well for anyone but him to find it! He always did….

Until he didn’t.

“What the heck is this? Is...Is that my old sash?” Roman yelped as he exclaimed cuddlebitty.

Remus froze. “I...um...yes?”

“So it was you!” Roman glared at him and Remus tried, he really tried to not drop but even when he was lying to himself he still couldn’t get rid of the bad feelings.

“I...I’m sorry.” Remus choked out.

“You need to give everyone their stuff back.” Roman said soft but firmly as he saw that Remus was regressed.

 Remus teared up. He couldn’t! He needed cuddlebitty! “But...I need-”

“Remus these aren’t yours.” Roman said not listening. “I don’t know what you did with them, but you need to fix this and apologize to everyone.”

Remus’ shoulders slumped. Roman put a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll help ok?” Remus sniffed and nodded. He should have known they wouldn’t let him keep Cuddlebitty when they found him.

He held back tears the whole time they took apart cuddlebitty and let a few tears fall when he said sorry to the others and back the pieces of his friend. No one was overly mad, just annoyed and told him to not do it again. He promised he wouldn’t. He couldn’t...He didn’t want to get attached and lose someone again.

 Roman offered to watch him but Remus just hugged himself and sat on the couch and looked at the floor. Roman got concerned and sat down next to him. “Re buddy. We aren’t mad at you. You said sorry and we forgave you. You don’t have to be sad anymore.”

Remus broke down sobbing. Roman started panicking. “You got to talk to me.”

“We killed him.” Remus sobbed.

“Who?” Roman asked, extremely confused.

“Cuddlebitty.” Remus whispered.

 “The….the clothing?” Roman asked realizing that Remus had made something that meant something to the little and it wasn’t just a random creative project.

 Remus nodded and wiped his nose off on his sleeve. “I...I made em cuz no one wants to be round me. But it made me feel like...everybody liked me….and he was my best friend.” He whispered between hiccups.

Roman froze at that. There was so much information there to unpack. He gave Remus a tight hug. “I’m going to go see if I can get those things back then we’ll fix Cuddlebitty ok? Then we’re going to have a talk.”

Remus nodded. Roman took Remus with him and explained to everyone what Remus had used the clothing for. This time everyone picked out something to give him. Everyone gave him the same things except Virgil who gave him something purple instead of the old grey. “It’s more up to date.” He muttered when Remus looked at it confused.

 Remus and Roman worked on putting Cuddlebitty back together but this time he looked a bit more like a creature instead of a clothing blab. He got button eyes and arms and stuffing instead of just wadded up clothing. Remus was ecstatic.

He hugged cuddlebitty and stood up. “Thank you.”

“I shouldn’t have made you take him apart in the first place.” Roman admitted.

Remus nodded before turning to leave.

“Where are you going?” Roman asked.

Remus looked back at him confused. “I gotta go back? No one wants me around here a lot.”

Roman frowned, “You don’t have to go back. I mean if you want to you can. But we’re ok with you sticking around.”

Remus blinked, “But...no one ever shows up? And you’re busy?”

 “We can get busy, but you can still be around.” Roman said firmly.

Remus beamed at him.

---

Remus sat in the middle of the couch at movie night. He had cuddlebitty in his lap and was leaning on Roman. He had been up with the others for a week and no one had told him to go away or try to hurt cuddlebitty again. They even asked if he wanted to hang out! When he wasn’t even little!

He was happy.

[unsymp-sides-content]

Maybe Intrulociet with toxic Remus?

This one is a little shorter, but I hope you like it!

Characters: Janus, Remus, Logan (mentioned), Roman (mentioned), Virgil (mentioned)

Word count: 588

He'd always thought they were just jokes. Incredibly dark and inappropriate jokes, sure. But jokes nonetheless. And yes, it had always made him uncomfortable whenever Remus talked about locking them in a cage if they pissed him off or threatened to hurt them if they spent too much time with the others, but Remus was dark creativity for a reason. That was just his sense of humor. He didn't actually mean any of it. Janus had genuinely believed that and it was what he always told Logan whenever the other side took one of Remus's comments literally and began to panic.

By the time he realized how right Logan had been to worry, it was too late. 

Even now, he wasn't sure when exactly it had started. Was it when Logan and Janus had decided to watch a documentary together and forgot to tell him and Remus had interrupted them halfway through by attacking them with his mace? The injuries had been more serious than the ones Remus usually caused, but he'd claimed that had just been an accident. Or had it started sooner, when Logan had spent the afternoon discussing Shakespeare with Roman and Remus had reacted by completely destroying Logan's room, tearing apart all of his books and diagrams. It had taken Logan nearly a week to fix it all. Remus had seemed genuinely regretful and apologized over and over, and while Logan had said he forgave him, he'd still be careful not to be seen with Roman anymore. Or perhaps it had been when Janus spent a night over with the light sides and Remus accused him wanting to leave. He'd spent hours trying to explain that wasn't the case and it had taken him a month of doing whatever Remus wanted before the other side had forgiven him.

Maybe it was none of those though. Maybe things had started to go wrong from the moment they'd gotten together and Janus had simply chosen to ignore the signs.

Not that it mattered now. Figuring out when this had started would hardly help him out of his current situation. 

Letting out a soft sigh, he leaned back and closed his eyes. His stomach was growling with hunger and he tried to ignore it, knowing he wouldn't be let out anytime soon. Remus had made it clear he was going to be in this dungeon until he 'learned his lesson', though Janus wasn't entirely certain what said lesson was. He'd figured it was best not to ask, seeing as how Remus already seemed angry enough.

He just hoped Logan was okay. The last he'd seen of the other side, he was being dragged away by Remus and he shuddered to think what might have happened to him.

He wondered if any of the others had realized yet that he was missing. He wondered if any of them cared. That was part of what had driven him to Remus in the first place. They'd spent so long together after Virgil had left, having no one else to really turn to that when Remus asked him out, it never even occurred to him to say no. He wished it had though. He wished he'd refused that first date with Remus, refused to be anywhere near him and instead just run away. It would have saved him a lot of pain.

Letting out a soft sigh, Janus lat down on the cell floor, trying to make himself as comfortable as he could. It was going to be a long night.

[thechangeling]

Lost and Found:

Happy birthday Alex! @catadorass I hope this is everything you wanted, or at least sort of what you wanted lol. I wrote this from Ty's pov because it's really importance to showcase his side of the story. 

Nothing about us without us Cassie. 

"Hey can we talk" Ty heard Kit ask from behind him. 

It was late. Very late, most likely past 12 by this point and they had all just finished doing another late night round of frustrating and pointless research. They being, Ty, Kit, Dru, Jaime, Janessa a wayward Vampire who traveled all over with her band, but was originally from LA, Thais a Brazilian Shadowhunter who was dating Janessa, and Ash, the son of Sebastian Morgenstern and The Seelie Queen who had betrayed Janus, who had tasked Ash with infiltrating the Los Angeles institute and killing Kit. However, Ash and Kit had ended up bonding immensely. This had caused Ash to essentially switch sides and work towards protecting Kit from Janus trying to kill him. There was also The Seelie Queen trying to abduct him in order to obtain control of his powers, and generally anyone else who wanted to get their hands on the first heir.

At first Ty was a little worried that Ash was in love with Kit, but the pair seemed to be very platonic, just heavily invested in one another like Kit and Janessa. And of course Ty had no business being jealous either way. He and Kit had both been engaged in various- well relationships wasn't the right word, but various flings of sorts over the past few months, but he still couldn't help but think of Kit as his.

Which didn't make any sense because Kit had left.

What made even less sense was that Ty still loved him.

Ty braced himself and then turned to face Kit. It was clear how exhausted he was from the events of the past few weeks. They were up against The Seelie Queen, Janus, The Cohort, also several supernatural disturbances that didn't make a lot of sense. Anush, his friend at the scholomance was researching the problem there. It was quite possible that it had to do with Livvy's presence.

Ty really didn't want to think about that.

He also really missed Alyssa, a new friend of his that he had met while she was studying at the scholomance. But she had left to rejoin her werewolf pack in New York. They had bonded over both being autistic, and in moments where Ty was anxious or overwhelmed he wished he could summon her to his side.

Moments like this one.

Livvy was hovering nearby, giving him a look over Kit's shoulder. Ty ignored it.

Ty nodded at Kit without fully meeting his eyes. "Fine. We can talk. Liv can you leave us alone for a moment?" He asked. Livvy scowled slightly, but did as she was told. Looking back at Kit he couldn't help but still be slightly comforted by his presence. And even though Kit was visibly worn out and stressed, he was still the most beautiful thing Ty had ever seen.

Ty did his best to remain as cold as possible. "What do you want Kit?" He asked harshly. Kit flinched slightly in response, and Ty was caught in between feeling victorious and feeling like he had just been stabbed. Kit shook his head slightly.

"Come on Ty aren't you sick of this? Don't you miss me? The way things used to be?" Kit inquired angrily. "I'm sorry I left. But I forgave you. Isn't it time you forgave me?"

Ty honestly had no words. He just continued to glare at Kit. Did Kit honestly not have a single idea what Ty was feeling?

But wasn't it obvious? How hurt he was? How utterly broken he was?

Ty took a long deep breath to keep himself calm. His fingers were aggressively flicking at his sides. Kit took his silence as a sign to keep talking.

"Look. I talked to Dru."

Seriously. Now we're involving my sister in this? As if Livvy wasn't already bad enough?

"She sort of helped me realize some things, you know" Kit continued. "She pointed out to me that I should ask you how you feel, instead of just assuming that I already know." Kit was nervously shifting back and forth on the spot.

"Wow" Ty muttered sarcastically under his breath. He looked Kit dead in the eye and spoke. "What a revolutionary concept. That I should be allowed to speak for myself for once, and not have you, Drusilla or anyone else do it for me."

Kit sighed, his eyes softening. It was in that moment that Ty was close to forgiving him.

He desperately wanted to be able to run to Kit and throw his arms around him. To hold him, and kiss him and tell him how much Ty had missed him and that he was so brave and beautiful and sweet, and that Ty belonged to him.

But Ty couldn't cave now. Not until he made Kit understand.

"I'm sorry ok?" Kit pleaded. "I get why you're pissed but-"

Ty couldn't help it. He laughed. Even though nothing about this situation was in any way humorous. "No Kit." He shook his head. "You really don't."

Kit looked a little angry at that.  Fine. Ty thought.  If you hurt me then I'll just hurt you back.

"Fine." Kit breathed, his voice sounding surprisingly gentle.  "Then tell me."

Ty was instantly brought back to the roof of the London institute. Tell me. Tell me what you need. He willed himself not to cry.

Ty took a deep breath, glaring at Kit. "Alright. Here's the thing. I am angry. I'm so angry that I can hardly breathe and no one notices." Ty snapped.

Kit opened his mouth to interject but Ty shook his head, eyes blazing with fury and tears. "No!" He shouted. "You said your piece already. Now let me say mine."

Kit stayed silent.

"I am quite literally always dealing with everything coming at me all at once, and Kit I know this is a very horrible situation for you, but I am just as stressed as you are, because despite what you might believe, I don't want you to fucking die!" Ty screamed.

Kit looked absolutely horrified. Ty was pretty sure he had never heard him swear before.

"I'm dealing with new people, new dangers, and I might lose Livvy again. I have all of this stress, all of this sensory information bombarding me 24/7. We barely sleep! We're all constantly together when we're awake! There's no time for me to stim, no time to breathe because we are all working to rescue you from your own fate!" He shouted. "And I'll do it too! Because of course I will! "It doesn't matter if I'm angry, or stressed, or tired, or scared! It doesn't matter that you broke my heart when you left me because for some unknown reason, you thought I could handle it!" Ty cried.

Kit was shaking his head. But he didn't look angry, just devastated. "Ty" he whispered, but Ty cut him off.

"Everybody always seems to think I'm either unbreakable or far too fragile and I need to be coddled and I'm sick of it. "I'm furious with you for promising that you wouldn't leave, and then telling me that you wished you had never met me when I thought I was never going to get Livvy back" Ty sobbed.

Kit gasped. Ty noticed that his eyes were filled with tears. Kit shook his head aggressively. "Sweetheart no" he breathed. "I didn't mean that. I swear."

Ty heard himself make an unrecognizable sound. His fingers were now aggressively fluttering at his sides. He clenched them into fists to stop them from moving. Kit began to step forward then stopped himself.

"Sweetheart" Ty whispered under his breath in awe. Alyssa had once told him that what he was doing now was called sub-vocalizing.  He could hear her voice in his head. When our brains get stuck on a word or a phrase because it was so shocking or we can't stop thinking about it, or it brought out a huge emotional reaction in us, then we mouth it or we say it out loud over and over again.

"Sweetheart" he mouthed, warmth overflowing his body.

"I'm- I'm sorry" Kit stammered. "I didn't mean to upset you." Ty recovered himself quickly, shaking his head.

"No it's fine" he said firmly. "You just surprised me." Kit looked down at the ground. He looked embarrassed, defeated. He looked exactly the way he looked on the beach three years ago.

No. No don't go there. He doesn't really love you.

Ty continued on. "And at least I got Livvy back in a sense, but you still left me and I didn't survive that." There were fresh tears running down his face. Exhaustion was definitely catching up with him.  Ty partly just wanted to let it go and go to sleep, but he needed Kit to understand.

"You cannot under any circumstances ever tell an autistic person that you're never leaving and then go back on your word Kit!" Ty exclaimed. "This is why we all have trust issues! Because we're naive, so we let our guards down because we just want someone to choose us. Not out of pity but out of genuine love. And it wasn't like this had never happened to me before but you were supposed to be different." Ty said defeated. He looked over at Kit and waited for Kit's eyes to meet his.

Ty had always hated eye contact. Mostly because it physically hurt and made him feel really awkward, but also because it felt too open. Too vunrable. As though someone could see into his soul and know all of his secrets just by looking.

Well he had never felt that way with Kit. Or maybe he just had never cared about letting Kit really see him. All of him. And they didn't have any secrets from each other. At least not anymore. Kit looked back at him and Ty could see it all. Hurt, exhaustion, longing, and love.

Love?  Ty shook his head, physically willing himself not to be sucked in.

But there was no point.

"And that's why I fell in love with you" Ty admitted.

Kit's eyes widened almost comically. He inhaled sharply staring at Ty with an expression Ty was having trouble placing. Up until tonight, Ty hadn't actually looked at Kit. He had been avoiding it for some time now. Most likely because he was afraid of what he might see. Would he recognize the person that Kit had become?

But all Ty could see now was what he had actually been avoiding from Kit all those years ago. It was that look of complete awe and adoration. Like Ty had all of the answers to the secrets of the universe.

And Ty really really really didn't.

It was painful, because as much as he was angry with Kit, he also didn't want to hurt him or let him down again.

Ty fought to keep his voice steady as he spoke. "The worst part is, in the end I know i'll probably forgive you eventually. I will do what I always do. Take the high road. Be the bigger person and let it go because I have to. Because I'm never allowed to be angry Kit, and I'm not allowed to hold grudges because everyone is always convinced that I'm overreacting." Ty said bitterly.

 "So it doesn't matter that you hurt me. It doesn't matter how many nights I spent crying myself to sleep at the scholomance or how many bad decisions I made during some futile attempt to feel something other then pain, and it doesn't matter that you might hurt me again" Ty lamented. He was fully aware that he was crying, but that didn't matter anymore.

Kit was staring at him dumbfounded like Ty was speaking another language, but the pain in his eyes was clear.

Ty shrugged slightly. "I'll still love you Kit, no matter what, because that's just how I am."

Kit took a deep breath, wiping away at his tears. "Ty- I'm so sorry. I-             I didn't know" he stammered. Kit slowly began to approach Ty, carefully as if he were a wounded animal. "I'm sorry I didn't think about it like that. When I told you I loved you and you didn't say anything back, I just assumed you didn't want me, that you didn't care." He was standing directly in front of Ty now, and Ty couldn't help but stare into his eyes.

Suddenly, Ty was overwhelmed with the powerful urge to touch him. To reach out and comfort him. For Ty it was almost as instinctive as breathing. Instead he just shook his head.

"That's not true, it never was" Ty said adamently. "I was torn apart. Everything with Livvy was just too overwhelming and I just couldn't lose her Kit!" He protested forcefully. "But I always cared about you. I honestly just thought you knew."

Kit paused for a moment, then slowly reached for Ty's hand. Ty didn't fight him, only watched as Kit traced the lines on his hand. After a pause, Kit looked back up at him. " You're right. I shouldn't have assumed. I should have just asked you how you felt" Kit admitted. "I'm so sorry Ty." His voice broke. "I'm so sorry for leaving, for making you feel like I didn't care." Kit lifted his other hand, the one that wasn't holding onto Ty, and placed his palm softly on the side of Ty's cheek. He shook his head, almost in disbelief.

Ty fought the urge to close his eyes and lean into it.

Kit continued. "Honestly the truth is Ty, I fucking adore you. I love you so much." Ty heard himself inhale sharply. Kit was so close now, only centameters apart. It wouldn't take much just to lean over and kiss him.

Wait.

No. Not yet.

We're not done.

Ty scoffed slightly. "Yeah you say that Kit, but at the end of the day those are just words. Pretty, empty words." Ty almost regreted it as soon as he saw the look on Kit's face. Up close he could see the heartbreak in his eyes. Ty could also see the dark circles under his eyes which were a little red. He could see the dried tears smeared across Kit's cheeks.

Ty couldn't help but look at the broken boy in front of him and hate himself a little for the damage he had clearly caused.

Look at what you did to him, a cruel voice inside him whispered.

This is what you do. You hurt people, break their hearts and make them regret ever knowing you. This is all that you are. Selfish, cold and cruel.

Ty shook it off. It wasn't true. He loved Kit, just as he loved his family and his friends. It didn't matter that there were some people who refused to see that, refused to see that just because he felt differently, didn't mean that he was unable to feel. Some days, the sheer strength of what he felt for Kit threatened to break him in half it was so powerful. It was almost too much to bare. So Ty squashed it down and pushed it to the side, molded it so that it was more manageable and less scary.

Kit let out a soft breath of air and closed his eyes, he let go off Ty and dropped his head forward so that it was resting against Ty's shoulder. Kit was slightly shorter then Ty which Ty had always found amusing. Kit, less so, but secretly one of the things Ty had always loved about their height difference was that he could tuck Kit into the nape of his neck. Ty loved the feeling of Kit's curls against his skin.

"This isn't empty Ty" he murmured, nuzzling the side of Ty's neck. "This is everything."

 Kit's voice was so quiet that Ty almost didn't hear him.

Kit pulled back slightly and tilted his head up to look at Ty. They were so close that their noses were slightly touching. Kit was staring up at him through half-lidded eyes. His hands were trailing up Ty's arms, pulling slightly at the fabric of his sleeves. His lips were parted slightly, staring up at Ty with so much love in his eyes.

"Beautiful" Ty whispered under his breath.

 Kit looked utterly beautiful, and before Kit had the chance to answer him Ty was pressing his mouth to Kit's in a deep passionate kiss. The moment their lips touched, Ty almost let out a sigh of relief, sliding his hands up to Kit's face to cup his cheeks. Kit made a sound that was somewhere between a gasp and a moan, opening his mouth to deepen the kiss. Ty could feel Kit's hands all over him, rubbing across his back and then finally settling on Ty's waist. Ty pulled back slightly, noticing that Kit was straining himself to reach Ty's height, pulling himself up on his tip toes.

Ty couldn't help but laugh. "You really are quite short aren't you?" He teased. Kit looked like he was about to cry so Ty kissed him again, attempting to pour all of the love he had for Kit into the kiss. He slowly moved his hands down Kit's body, then bent down slightly to lift him up. Kit wrapped his legs around Ty's waist and threw his arms around Ty's shoulders kissing him sensually. Ty clung to Kit even tighter, afraid of what would happen if they let each other go.

 He remembered way back when he and Kit had first been getting to know each other and Kit had told him that he was pretty sure Ty was autistic. He had given him a bunch of articles and official clinical descriptions and terms that made Ty feel distant and afraid. But then he had recommended Ty check out posts on social media sites made by autistic people and Ty had been completely swept into it. There was an entire tag on tumblr dedicated to autism, and Ty had spent hours scrolling through the posts feeling overwhelmed in the best way possible by a sense of community and belonging.

 He had come across this one blog dedicated purely to autistic love and lust and how it manifests differently. Ty remembered reading one quote in particular that had made him feel hot and shivery all over, and painfully aware of Kit's presence next to him. It had stayed with him all this time.

I want to ink myself underneath your skin.

Ty  gently put him down for a moment and leaned his forehead against Kit's. They were both breathing heavily.

"I missed you" Ty whispered. Kit smiled at him beautifully.

"I missed you too sweetheart."

Edit: This is old but I'm tagging @ti-bae-rius in this because I honestly just want your opinion lol.

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

No Other Version of Me

Ao3,   MasterPost

Relationships: Moceit!

This ain’t a songfic, but the title is taken from ‘Jackie & Wilson’ by Hozier because. I wanted it to be. 

Warnings: Very mild body horror related to excessive shape-shifting, Fwoggy Patton (he’s got frog features), insecurity, hurt/comfort, one (1) smooch, crying.

Word Count: 2,100

Janus was not nosy. Really, he’d only intended to return Patton’s electric blanket (he’d asked to borrow it on a particularly cold day in The Mindscape, and he definitely didn’t hold onto it for longer than necessary just because it smelled like Patton). Then, he would be on his way. Therefore, it was completely incidental that he’d heard a frustrated cry from Morality’s room before entering. And of course, the only reason that Janus continued to peer through the slightly ajar doorway- rather than just walking in- was so that he could assess the situation properly. To be safe.   

The situation was this: Patton was hunched in front of the mirror above his dresser, shaking from head to toe. He was just visible in the reflection, revealing what seemed to be the issue.

Patton’s hands were oversized, webbed, and bright green. That same shade of citrus seemed to be overtaking his face, spanning across his eyes and nose and down his neck. 

On the subject of his eyes; absolutely enormous, with oblong and dilated pupils surrounded by muck-brown irises. Oh, and they were also steadily filling up with tears, which was probably a more pressing issue.

Janus could have- and probably should have- just walked away and pretended he hadn’t seen anything. He almost did, turning to leave only to hear an absolutely heart-breaking wail from the room behind him. He sighed, spinning on his heel again and gently shouldering the door open. 

“Good evening.”

The emotional trait startled at that, and when he flipped around he had changed- no webbed hands, no green splotches, just a shiny faux face. Janus clicked the door closed behind him; evidently this would be a sensitive issue. 

“Oh- hey Janus! Can I help you with something?” 

He had always hated Morality’s fake smile. Before they’d grown close, Deceit despised how it was another symbol of his repression. Now he hated it for how it paled in comparison to Patton’s genuine beam. 

Janus held up the fluffy blanket still folded in his arms and then tossed it onto the bed.

“I was just dropping by to return your blanket. While I’m here, though, would you tell me why you’re doing that?”

Patton looked much like a deer caught in headlights, panic flashing across his masked face. He forced a laugh.

“Doing what?” 

The literal embodiment of lies raised his eyebrow and patiently waited for Patton to own up. He didn’t, the stubborn little thing.

“The shapeshifting,” Janus pressed, “It can’t be comfortable to keep that up all day. I would know, I do it the most out of any of us,” with that, he extended his additional arms. He actually didn’t hide them much nowadays, what with being accepted and all, but they’d been getting in the way of chores (and also, it added some drama to the point he was making). Regardless, he hoped that Patton would understand what he was trying to convey- I know how you feel. You can trust me now, remember?

The moral side kept his hands held to his chest and his eyes downcast, blinking very quickly. The skin around his arms and face was taught and plasticky, like that of a mannequin. The disturbing signs of over-shifted forms. 

“I know it’s been too long, Jan, I do- but this isn't a bunch of extra arms, or anything cool like that. It’s…” his hushed speech trailed off. Janus stepped closer and reached out. Patton let him hold his hands, trembling.

“Oh, come now, it can’t be worse than this,” Deceit gestured to the left side of his face, a clear joke. It backfired- Morality looked even more dismayed, muttering something that wasn’t quite audible. Janus squeezed his hands. 

“Please. Show me.”

Patton seemed almost ready to argue as they met eyes, but the fight fell from him almost instantly. A dull teal shimmer passed over his face and neck, continuing to run down his arms. What was left from the transformation were watery, frog-like eyes behind his glasses and soft hands with pudgy fingers. The tips of those fingers were much wider than humans, not to mention nail-less. Up close, various lime-colored splotches were visible scattered about his skin in seemingly random places. 

He was stunning. 

And he was crying. 

“No matter what I do,” Patton whispered, “It won’t go away. I’ve tried everything, Janus.”

“Why on earth would you want to get rid of this?”

Patton jerked his hands back to his chest and pulled away, bumping into his dresser. 

“Look at me! I look like a monster! Why wouldn’t I want to get rid of it?”

Janus scoffed at the notion as if it were the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard, though his heart ached at the fresh tears that slipped down Patton’s face. He didn’t hesitate so much as a moment, sliding off his glove. His left glove.

“I am looking, can’t you see?” he let the article drop to the floor, reaching out a candy-apple colored claw to take Patton’s hand in his once more, “You’re absolutely beautiful, in this or any other form.”

Morality’s breath hitched as Deceit twined their fingers together, watching him cautiously. The moral side was quiet, save for staggered breathing, only for a moment.

“You don’t mean that.”

Janus cupped the side of his face with an unoccupied hand, gently dragging the gloved thumb beneath Patton’s eye to dry some of his tears. 

“I’m not lying. Not about this, and not to you. I mean it,” I mean it so much more than you could possibly know.

Patton seemed to search his expression, gauging the sincerity. Janus met the gaze without falter. That was what most people forgot about lying- it’s the eyes, you can always see it in the eyes.

Patton leaned into him.

“You really do mean it, huh?”

“Of course I do,” the dishonest trait tried to ignore the heat that spread across his face when Morality smiled at him, tiny and genuine. 

“You’re really pretty, too,” he murmured, “At least, I think so.”

The human side of Janus’ face was flaming. He tilted his head to the side and cleared his throat- this wasn’t about him. He would not relent to the thrumming in his heart and the fuzz in his mind, for he needed to focus on comforting his friend. Friend. Frieeeends. That was what they were, just in case he had forgotten. 

“Thank you, Patton.” 

He was met with a small giggle, and then they were hugging. Patton wrapped his arms around Janus’ torso and pressed his face against the side of the snake’s neck, and oh, that felt illegally wonderful. When he spoke, it rumbled against the lying side’s scales.

“Thank you. I don’t know if I’ll ever be used to this,” he held up a froggy hand, “It still seems like a punishment for what I did, one that I probably deserve. But if you still like m- it… then it doesn’t feel so bad.” 

That pricked Janus’ ears. Patton saying he deserved any sort of ‘punishment’, like it was the most obvious and fair thing in the world, it struck something in him. Something deep and familiar and painful. 

“Why do you think you deserve it?”

Patton hid his face further, his breath warm against Deceit’s skin.

“I did kinda freak out and turn into a giant monster… actions should have consequences.”

“So the emotional distress, the Roman fiasco, me showing up, those weren’t ‘consequences’? Consequences that don’t involve permanently changing your self-image?”

“But was it enough? Didn’t I get off a little too easily?”

Janus tossed his head back with a high-pitched laugh, which probably didn’t help the situation much- but the irony! The irony!

“I’m sorry, dear, but you saying that to me, well, it didn’t catch me off-guard at all,” he fixed his remaining arms around Patton comfortingly as the cackles subsided.

“What are you talking about, Jan?” Morality pulled his head back, melancholy replaced with confusion. 

“Look at us,” Janus said gleefully, “Just a few months ago I couldn’t get within five feet of you without you acting like I was going to murder you.”

Patton winced at Deceit’s less-than-comforting phrasing. 

“Let me reiterate: you thought that because I wanted you to. It was my intention to be threatening, and the blame for that lies with me. And after all of that, you forgave me almost immediately. You can’t extend the same courtesy to yourself?” 

“But that’s different!”

“Is it? Explain it to me.”

“It just is when it’s somebody else.” 

“Exactly! We’ve found the problem. Your self-imposed rules are much stricter on yourself than on anybody else. That doesn’t sound very fair, does it?”

“I-” Patton looked almost argumentative, but just as before, it evaporated into exhaustion, “I don’t know. Maybe. But I’m not in charge of other people, and I am in charge of me.” 

“That you are. And you’ve just been so easy on yourself. Plus you totally haven’t been improving, and it’s not like that counts more than anything else.”

Patton blinked, taking his time to unscramble the backwards talk. He hummed in thought.

“Even if I still don’t love this new- uh- ‘new look’, I think… Maybe I needed to hear that?” he admitted, a sheepish smile returning. Patton kept himself so very near in their hug that it was becoming dizzying, but Janus had to stay focused. 

“Perhaps I can help with that, too.” 

He felt a thrill chase up his spine when Morality tipped his head to the side inquisitively. 

“Really?”

“I believe so. I have no idea what it’s like looking abnormal, after all. So if you ever feel particularly bad about your, ah, amphibian appearance, then you know where to find me. I’ll be sure to remind you just what you are,” Deceit loosened his grip and leaned back just the tiniest bit, readying himself to make the final point. 

“What do you mean?”

“You’re worthy of love,” he was just parroting the moral trait’s words back to him, it carried no connotations nor significance. It was a callback at most. Janus tried to hammer that into his head, even when Patton looked at him so shocked and adoringly and he felt that it was beginning to mean so much more. The meaning twisted around the more he prolonged the embrace, the more he stared into those wide watery eyes, the more he wanted it to twist. 

“Oh,” Patton murmured. He curled his fingers in the fabric of Janus’ capelet, “Oh, Janus.”

They were so close, their faces just inches apart. And he was leaning closer, closer, almost touching.  Janus’ breath hitched when Patton stopped short, watching him carefully and... expectantly?

Janus realized that Morality would never close the gap between them, not in this kind of sensitive state. Janus also knew that, should he not do it himself, Patton wouldn’t bring it up again, for fear of seeming pushy. As terrifying the thought of kissing the object of his affections was, there was something much more horrible about the thought of not doing it. So, no reason to overthink it, he supposed.

Janus tipped his head up and connected their lips. 

Patton kissed back eagerly, leaning down to accommodate their height difference. He was sweet, and warm, a gentle pressure against Deceit. He smiled, letting his hand rest at the small of Janus’ back. They moved together slowly, easily, as though this was something they were already practiced at. It was a second nature. 

When they finally broke apart, Patton glanced down at his arms. He giggled a little, pressing his forehead to Janus’. 

“Looks like the kiss didn’t turn me human.”

 Janus, who was trying very hard to have coherent thoughts at the moment, shook his head. It took a few seconds of breathy and very embarrassing squeaking sounds before he managed to say actual words. 

“Humanity is overrated, Darling,” which would have been a very smooth and dramatic thing to say, if only he wasn’t clutching to Patton for dear life and burning at the ears. 

“If you say so,” the moral side pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose.

“Hhaghhh,” Janus responded eloquently, shoving his flushed face into Patton’s shoulder. The trait laughed, a lilting sound right against Janus’ ear. It was intoxicating.

“You are just too adorable, Jan.”

“This was a horrible mistake. I never should have returned that blanket and I hate you.”

“I can let go of you, if you want?”

“Not in a million years.”

Patton laughed at him again. Whatever, it was so worth it.

@shrimp-crockpot

[hottestthingalive]

this was meant to be an intruality shitpost and i'm sorry

i love intruality because they are the truly chaotic sanders sides ship and also... they heal each other.

tell me you can't see remus and patton teaming up for 'wholesome pranks' and giggling together as everyone else is covered in eggs, glitter, and some sort of slime.

tell me you can't see patton befriending remus to try and change his strict views over thomas. tell me you can't see remus trying to change for patton, who bakes him cookies and does his best to understand him and sticks around even when he's terrified. tell me you can't see patton feeling guilty for making remus try to change himself at all, now that he's befriended him and learned how remus' creativity actually does help thomas, and how similar he is to patton's dark strange son, how he just wants to be heard. tell me you can't see patton apologizing to remus, telling him that everything he does for thomas and also for patton, why patton really genuinely likes him (and perhaps... loves him?). tell me you can't see remus saying he doesn't care about the split, that he's better off without roman anyways, that he forgave patton long ago. tell me you can't see patton replying that he's not apologizing for spliting creativity (although he is sorry for that), he's apologizing for never giving remus a chance before, for being biased against him for so long, because remus deserved a chance, he deserves chances, he deserves so much more than patton let him have.

they don't start dating right away, but they become friends. they become equals. they start pranking the others. they spend time together. they start to fall in love.

tell me you can't see a logan who tells patton bluntly to tell remus how he feels. tell me you can't see a virgil who doesn't feel comfortable teasing patton but doesn't mind being a little shit to remus and taunting him about his crush. tell me you can't see a janus who eventually gets tired of it all and tricks patton into saying he likes remus, and then helps him deal with those feelings. tell me you can't see a roman who tells remus that he deserves to love and be loved, and remus telling him that they both deserve love, and the two of them hugging and finally talking properly for the first time in years.

tell me you can't see intruality where remus and patton support each other as they heal, remus and patton who learn to understand each other and to live as equals, remus and patton who fall in love because they finally understand each other and in that understanding they've found something beautiful.

anyways in this essay i will

[art-dump-for-avery]

Ghosts of the Past

Characters: Janus, Patton, Roman, Virgil, and anyone else is only mentioned

Pairings: Familial Loceit, Past Platonic Logince and Roceit, Past Romantic/Platonic Moceit and Anxceit, Present Royality

Trigger Warnings: break ups, ended friendships, bad decisions, self-harm mentions, attempted suicide mentions, lots of unhealthy relationship stuff, no one is unsympathetic they're just teenagers so they make poor life choices

Summary: Janus thinks about the past few years for the thousandth time and it still hurts.

(Notes: this is just me hardcore projecting again, sorry)

-

-----

-

Janus could see Patton out of the corner of his eye. He'd recognize that mess of reddish curls anywhere. But he never looked up. Neither acknowledged the other as they passed each other. They hadn't the past hundred times either. And they probably never would.

The whole thing started five years ago. Janus and his family had moved into town, and he and his brother Logan were enrolled in the middle school. Experiences from his previous school made it hard to really make friends, but he managed.

The first of many was Virgil. He and Janus became friends quickly, and Janus was happier than ever.

And then he met Patton.

Patton, with his bright smile and soft voice, his gentle yet energetic personality, his love for art and his passion for all of his interests. They had so much in common that some people thought they were related sometimes. Janus made friends with him just as quick as he had with Virgil.

Speaking of Virgil, Janus grew closer and closer to him over time, and next thing he knew, he was in love with him. It was sudden and new and hurt so so much when he ended up rejected.

"I'm sorry, I just don't think I can be with someone like you."

Janus stopped talking to him after that.

Patton was there though. He was there, and he helped Janus heal and was there through it all. And Janus slowly fell for him, but after Virgil, he didn't want to risk it.

But then Patton confessed his love, and Janus didn't hesitate to jump right in.

They were happy, singing and making art and holding one another. It was perfect, and Janus never wanted to let go of the one he loved.

For Patton, the love began to fade after a while, while Janus only grew more in love. By the time they broke things off, it was borderline an obsession. It was for the best, and they stayed friends anyway, so it was ok. Janus could handle that.

(Three days after they broke up, Janus attempted to overdose, but no one needed to know about that.)

Freshman year rolled around, and Patton was introduced to Janus and Logan's friend Roman, a student two years older who they rode the bus with.

Patton fell hard for Roman, and while it hurt to not be the object of his best friend's affection, he still supported him. As long as Patton was happy, Janus was happy.

He was happy, right..?

Everything was fine for a while (aside from the self inflicted cuts Patton would sometimes come to school with, which Janus would often fuss and worry over). Janus was in his own relationship, but it was equally as unhealthy as the one he'd had with Patton, all obsession and claims of offing themselves if they lost each other. Looking back, he was glad that it was over.

At some point, Patton began to drift away. He spent more time with Roman, clinging to his side and seeming to avoid Janus whenever possible.

The thought of losing his best friend scared him, and fear isn't exactly rational most of the time. Janus didn't even think to ask what was going on, and instead lashed out, calling Patton everything under the sun behind his back, saying that he had betrayed their friendship.

Eventually, Patton told him what was going on. Their classmates had been saying that Patton had been cheating on Roman with him, and he didn't want to lose his boyfriend over some stupid rumors. Janus forgave him instantly, and hoped - prayed that everything would go back to normal.

It didn't.

Patton heard through the grapevine the things Janus had said about him behind his back, and avoided him like the plague. Roman tried to stay friendly with Janus, but it was hard to do with the tension between the two. Janus cut him out of his life to spare him the trouble. Not long after, Roman and Logan got into an argument, and their friendship ended as well.

Soon after, Janus broke up with the person he had been dating at the time, too emotionally unstable for a relationship. And just like that, Janus hit rock bottom. His darker thoughts came back, and everyone could see how low he was. He felt alone and left behind once again, but he kept going. He had to.

He spent months after that thinking of what to do, and in the end, he packed up everything Patton had ever given him. Every note, every piece of art, every accessory, is every sketchbook - he put it all in a box and left it for him with an apology note. He didn't have it in him to give Patton a proper face-to-face apology, and he still regrets it.

Now here he is in junior year, passing someone he use to know better that he knew himself, someone who was now a complete stranger.

And Janus couldn't help the yearning for the small glimpses he got of him every day. It was the little things that would draw his attention.

He still has those boots and that backpack. Looks like he grew his hair back out. Is that my hoodie that I gave him in eighth grade? I didn't think he still had that...

I wonder if he and Roman are still together. I hope he's doing ok, I hope his home life is getting better. I wonder if he's still as passionate when it comes to art as he use to be. I wish I'd apologized to him in person, he deserved better than a stupid note.

I wonder if he misses me just as much as I miss him.

Janus still wishes that things between them were different. But no amount of wishing can fix it.

So Janus moves on.

[green-writes-sanderssides]

Love and Lies

Chapter 1 - Remus: Two Truths, One Lie

Pairings: Romantic DLAMP, Queerplatonic Demus/Dukeceit

Warnings: Cursing, typical Remus talk

Summary: Janus finds that his heart has much more capacity for love than he originally thought. With the support of Remus, his queerplatonic partner, he decides it's time to go after that love.

Tumblr Mobile likes to screw up my formatting, so please either read in a browser or on Ao3!

     “Remus?” He creaked open the door to The Duke’s room with care, knowing Remus could be doing a number of horrifying things. He was used to it, of course, but this conversation made him… more hesitant than usual.

     Fortunately, he wasn’t doing anything that would warrant worry - unfortunately, Janus had woken him up from a rather cozy-looking nap. “...Janny?”

     “Apologies. I didn’t mean to-”

     “Deedee!” Remus sprang from his bed as fast as he could, running up to Janus and greeting him with a tight hug. “I haven’t seen you all day! Haven’t been hiding from me now, have you?”

     “Of course not.” He wasn’t sure if he was lying or not, not that it mattered; Remus wasn’t as skilled as recognizing Deceit’s lies as Virgil was.

     Remus kept his arms around Janus’s shoulders as he backed away and, as always, gave the snake a genuine smile. It always managed to cheer him up, at least a little. “Good! You wanna join me in some napping and cuddles?”

     “Uh, in a bit, maybe.” As much as cuddling up with his queer-platonic partner sounded amazing at that very moment, there were much more important matters at hand. “Actually, I need to talk to you about something.”

     “Oh. Oh!” Remus lightened up with a look of realization, before giving Janus a sly smirk. “I know what this is about.”

     “Do you, now?” he responded with squinted eyes and a furrowed brow.

     In turn, The Duke simply grabbed his gloved hands and dragged him to the side of his bed to sit down. The whole situation was making Janus’s nerves spike up in a rare occurrence. He had no idea what Remus was about to say, but it surely wouldn’t be-

     “So you want to fuck my brother.”

     “Wha- Christ, Remus!” If he was drinking anything, he would have surely choked on it. Instead, he lightly pushes Remus down on the bed. “Yes, because my asexual ass wants to, as you put, ‘fuck’ anyone!”

     The Duke giggled and sat up on his elbows. “I know, I know, I just wanted to get a reaction out of you. You’re so tense!” He moved to sit up completely, wrapping one arm around Deceit’s waist. “The point is, you are in love with my brother. And Virgil and Patton and Logan but I’m more interested in how you fell in love with my brother, of all people!”

     “I- well I wouldn’t say in love, necessarily- uh…” Remus responded to his stutters with a cross of the arms and a raise of his brow, unconvinced and unimpressed. “How did you even know?”

     “The same way I knew you wanted to be closer with me. Different kind of close, of course, but same principle.” He flopped down back on the bed with hands resting behind his head. “You’re not as subtle as you think you are, Double Dee.”

     Janus buried his face into his gloves and groaned. “What am I supposed to do, Reem?”

     “I don’t know, kidnap them? Bury them alive and pretend they never existed? I don’t know why you’re trying to ask me for love advice.”

     “Who else am I supposed to ask?!” He groaned once again and flopped down next to Remus. He felt absolutely pathetic, falling in love with all of them. They may be okay having him around now, but how could they ever…? “Is it too late to take you up on that cuddling offer?”

     “Aww, c’mere Janny.” Remus adjusted himself against his pillows, opening up his arms for Janus to fall into them. He took the offer without hesitation and sighed into his partner’s chest. “Y’know,” he twirled a strand of hair on top of Deceit’s head, his hat discarded to the side. “Roman always smiles when I mention you. I think he’s quite fond of you.”

     Janus moved his chin up to look Remus in the eyes. “Even if that were true, which I highly doubt, that’s only one out of four.” While he’d be pleasantly surprised to have even one of them like him back, he’d rather be with none of them than not all of them. “You seem to be dwelling on Roman a lot. Are you not…?”

     “Oh, no no no, I just find it hilarious. No one expects the dragon to fall in love with the prince, do they?” The dark side moved one of his hands to scratch at his neck. “Well, it was admittedly weird at first, but I got over it pretty quickly- Anyway, What makes you think the other three can’t like you too? Morality adores you!”

     He huffed and rolled his eyes. Besides Roman, Remus still often called the other sides by their titles. He could only assume it was to keep a level of distance, which saddened Janus just a bit. “Patton ‘adores’ you as well now. Are you going to go around claiming he’s in love with you?”

     Remus immediately grimaced at the claim. “Can’t exactly argue with that one, though I do think it’s quite different. What about-”

     “Don’t even try to argue that Logan would like me. We are constantly butting heads.”

     “So did him and Roman, and now they’re probably butting something else right at this moment!” Janus gave him a furrowed brow, a look of ‘ what the fuck does that even mean, Remus,’ which only managed to make him chuckle.

     He sighed and buried his head back into his QPP’s chest. “And that leaves one.”

     “...Right.” He just barely catches Remus’s mumble, feeling his body stiffen just slightly. “He… I mean, you two are good now, right? He forgave you.” That one hurt the most. Remus avoided using any names or titles for Virgil, instead opting to just refer to him in pronouns only. Calling him by his name would hurt Remus, but calling him by his title would hurt Virgil.

     “Theoretically, yes.” The anxious side had even apologized to him; even though Janus had hurt him first (and had continued to do so), he admitted he might have been overly harsh to him as well. Janus appreciated it, but he also didn’t agree with the notion that Virgil needed to apologize in the first place. “But I could never expect him to trust me.”

     There was a pause, before Remus settled his chin into Janus’s hair. “There was always something special between you two.” There was a sting in Deceit’s heart at those words. They weren’t close in the traditional sense, but… they looked out for each other. And Janus ruined that. “I don’t think that ever really left.”

     “And when did you become such an optimist?”

     The Duke gave a gasp of fake offense. “Me? An optimist? Why, I’d never!” At Janus’s chuckle in response, he gave a quick ruffle to his hair. “I just know anyone would be a fool not to love you. I can’t say if it will be the way you want it or not, but they will love you.”

     From the bottom of his heart, he wanted to believe that. He was all too familiar with not getting what he wanted, and the others loving him as a friend would be more than he could ever ask for, but even that was just too good to be true. He wasn’t supposed to get a happy ending - but, then again, that’s exactly what he fights for every day. He breaks the code and forces what Thomas wants. Why couldn’t he do the same for himself?

     He couldn’t force someone to love him, but he can fight for it. He can try.

     “...Thank you, Remus. You are okay with this, right? If anything were to actually happen between them and me, I mean.”

     “Of course! None of my business what you do with that snake tongue of yours.” Before Deceit could express his distaste, he noticed Remus’s form tensing up once again, his face looking uncharacteristically sheepish. “Just, uh… If they’re not okay with us--”

     “You’re my first priority,” he interrupted him. “I was with you first.”

     Remus moved to rub at his neck, a sad sort of smile on his face. “I wouldn’t want to get in the way of your love life like that. That wouldn’t be fair of me.”

     “Bullshit.” Janus couldn’t believe he would ever suggest such a thing. All Remus ever wanted was to be heard and cared for, yet he was willing to let that all go for him. He’d never allow that to happen. “You are a part of my love life, Remus. It isn’t romantic, but it isn’t any lesser, either. You really think I’d throw you away like that?”

     He was happy to see Remus’s smile turn genuine, but he didn’t have much time to think about that fact as he was tackled back into a hug. “No, I was just testing you.”

     “I can tell when you lie, Reem.”

     “And I can turn your scales into exposed tissue, but I’m choosing to hug you instead.”

[and-this-sword]

Roceit for the ship thing?

:D!

Who said "I Love You" first?

My first instinct was Roman, but, honestly? I think it would be Janus. Roman would be too worried and insecure to say it first. Janus, at one point, while cuddling or doing something cute, would look at Roman smiling and just feel overwhelming adoration, and it would slip out.

Who has the other's picture as their phone background?

Definitely Roman. He's a hopeless romantic, and he just loves Janus so much! He would take every. single. chance. to show people his amazing sweet perfect stunning boyfriend. It would probably be really cheesy, too, and be edited to have red, yellow, and pink hearts all over it.

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror?

Both of them, but in different ways. Roman loudly exclaims his presence while Janus is in the shower, and doesn't let him come out until he's done. His notes cover the whole mirror, and have hearts drawn all around them. They take time, though, so he only does it once or twice a month, so it's always a surprise. When Janus writes notes, he'll quietly slip in, and write a small note right at eye level, with a heart drawn around it. He does it almost every day, since Roman likes to shower in the mornings, and Roman always loves them. Roman has a whole camera roll album full of them.

Who buys the other cheesy gifts?

Janus. He knows how much cheesy gifts mean to Roman, so on special occasions (and also when he just sees something that reminds him of Roman) he'll get him stuff. Once, when Roman had to go on a trip to visit some extended family, and Janus had to stay and work, he got him a dollar store stuffed snake to "remember me by". Now, it never leaves their bed, and when Roman has to go on trips, he always brings it with him.

Who initiated the first kiss?

Janus! Not to be cliché and cheesy, but it happened when Roman had first asked him out. Janus was caught by surprise, and he just kind of... stared for a few seconds. Not long, but long enough for Roman to take it as a "no". Roman was embarrassed and disappointed, and he started to apologize, but Janus cut him off by kissing him. It wasn't long or passionate, just a short peck on the lips, but it was meaningful.

Who kisses the other awake in the morning?

Roman. He's an early bird, and Janus is a night owl, so he usually wakes up first and kisses him awake. Janus tells him to "fuck off and go back to bed, it's too damn early". He secretly loves it, though.

Who starts tickle fights?

Neither of them. Janus Hates being tickled, plus he flails and fights back when it happens. It's really just out of instinct, which Roman learned the hard way. Janus accidentally punched him in the face, which had him apologizing for the next week about it. Roman forgave him pretty quickly, and jokingly brings it up every once in a while.

Who asks if they can join the other in the shower?

Hmm. I'm gonna headcanon Janus as greysexual and Roman as asexual because I'm ace and I can, and also because I don't want to write this one. I'm not sure who asks first, it could be either, but sometimes they do shower together. Nothing sexual, though. The most that ever happens is making out.

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch?

Roman! He'll show up at Janus's office, and brings him a bouquet of red roses and baby's breath, along with a packed lunch. Janus gets super flustered about it. Roman also will leave a cheesy love note inside of the bag, just because he can.

Who was nervous and shy on the first date?

Both of them a bit, but Roman more so. He worked super hard to impress Janus, and ended up wayyyy overdressed. He wore a full tux to their roller rink date, and definitely embarrased himself more than once with all his stammering. Janus found it endearing, though.

Who takes out the spiders?

Janus. Roman will notice it first, and shriek, and Janus will roll his eyes. He'll carefully get it in a cup, explaining the whole time why it won't hurt you, and gently lets it outside. Afterwards, Roman overdramatically latches onto Janus, and makes a speech about what a brave hero he is.

Who loudly proclaims their love when they're drunk?

Both of them. It's sickeningly sweet, they go back and forth loudly about how much they love each other. And they'll argue about who loves who more, and Roman will take it to the next level by running outside and yelling down the block that he loves his boyfriend more. Janus will drunkenly "hiss" to him (it's more of a stage whisper) to "Oh my god, shut up, you're lying!" and proceed to yell, "He's lying! I love him more!" They only stop when, inevitably, somebody will yell back at them to "shut up, it's one in the morning!" at which point they'll go back inside and have a long laugh about it.

Send me a ship!

[katelynn-a-fan]

Somewhere Over the Rainbow: Chapter 4

First | Previous | Next | Masterlist | Ao3

Summary: Roman and Janus come back to a surprisingly empty house, with no sign of Patton anywhere They investigate and find some... evidence of what happened.

Word count:  6.8k (6756)

Warnings: Blood

“Ahem.”

Roman cleared his throat as he and Janus sat in the driveway in front of their home, having turned the car off already. Janus turned to him from the passenger seat, patiently waiting for Roman to speak his piece without a word.

“You… think he’ll be okay with us being back so early? The last time we came home early he was sick with worry because he thought we hadn’t gotten the job and he had to hear us say it a couple of times before he believed us.” Roman bit his thumb nervously.

“He’ll be fine, Roman. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, alright? For now, let’s get out of this freezing car and into the house.” 

Roman brought his thumb quickly down from his mouth, a grin spreading across his face.

“Let me go first though!” Roman exclaimed as he threw open the door of the car.

“When have I never let you go first?” Janus smirked over at Roman.

Roman glanced at Janus in his periphery. “Oh… plenty of times.”

Slam! Slam!

The thudding of the car doors in the driveway echoed through the brisk morning air of the neighborhood. 

Janus chuckled as Roman sprinted around the side of the car to get in front of Janus, but as they walked up the path, Janus managed to keep pace. They had a quiet competition to see who could get to the door first as they conversed.

“Name one.”

“I’ll...I’ll think about it…”

“Figures.” Janus huffed, but by the fact that his smirk was still in place, he was more amused by the banter than he let on verbally.

Just before the door, Roman managed to slip ahead of Janus, triumphantly puffing his chest out in silent victory. He had bested the goal of being the first inside when they actually got inside.

Janus just rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as Roman fumbled for his keys.

Roman stuck out his tongue at Janus in response, but became too distracted to see if Janus responded with another gesture as he found the correct key and slid it in the lock. Pausing for a moment, Roman swung back to Janus, placing a finger to his lips.

Janus didn’t react. He had been with Roman enough that he knew he couldn’t stop Roman when he was like this. Janus had said as much one time, in fact.

Roman finally pounced.

“Patton! We are back from our glorious adventure in the great wide somewhere a little earlier than expected! I hope you were not too lonely in our absence!” Roman’s boisterous and deep voice announced loudly as he suddenly flung the door open in an attempt to surprise Patton.

But just beyond the doorway, there was… no one. That was expected, though, Patton wouldn’t just be standing at the door randomly.

A gust of wind blew past Roman and Janus into the house, and if either of them weren’t bundled up like they were, they would’ve been shivering in the wind.

Roman held his arms outstretched and hovered for a little too long, as if he was anticipating a hug to knock them over as soon as they opened the door despite his attempt to surprise Patton.

But when none came, he cleared their throat again from behind his pair of almost comically big sunglasses and repeated himself.

“I hope you were not too lonely in our absence, Patton!” Roman waited a bit longer after his second declaration. His face was unreadable in the stark shadow made from the light behind him, washing out any of the details of his face in the bright light.

Eventually he finally dropped his hands and peeked inside curiously. 

“Patton?”

When Janus spoke up, his voice was much smoother, likely a consequence of attempting to lower his voice. Whereas the Roman’s voice was unapologetically loud, energetic, and on the verge of being grating, Janus’s voice had become the consistency of melted chocolate or the sensation of silk upon one’s skin. His voice was one someone could listen to without picking up anything that was said, just getting lost in his voice alone.

“Roman, he’s probably still asleep, it’s still early.” Janus soothed Roman, who was bouncing nervously on the balls of his feet.

“But he-” Roman turned back to him and began to interject before Janus interrupted him.

“He could’ve overslept them, Roman. When have you known Patton to wake up on time on a non-work day even with his alarms?” 

It was if Roman had telepathically transmitted the conclusion of the sentence to him. Which Roman hadn’t, and he actually wanted to finish his statement, but ce la vie, he guessed.

Janus arched an eyebrow. His tone issued a silent challenge. In response, Roman finally deflated from his previously overconfident posture, chest and shoulders pushed out subconsciously. Roman’s chest drooped down instead, his shoulders curling in as his expression turned into something that was vaguely sheepish.

“Okay, Janus, you got me. I wasn’t thinking of his schedule.”

An awkward pause.

“Anyways, let’s get these coats off so we can make something to eat, I’m starving.” Roman said as he finally stepped through the door, licking his blood red-colored lipstick lips already in anticipation.

“You and your food,” Janus replied with a roll of his eyes as he followed behind Roman. “I swear if you didn’t have different fashion senses and he never refused to shave his mustache, I would have trouble telling you apart from him. Of course, until you start reciting poetry and he starts making inappropriate innuendos, that is.” 

Though Janus's words were apparently meant to be carefully teasing by his tone, Roman’s blood red smile instantly dropped. Janus stood still in a moment of comprehension and slammed his hand over his mouth, eyes going wide.

“I- I’m sorry, I didn’t-” It was Janus’s turn to be cut off by Roman’s short warning tone.

“Don’t.” 

Mentally daring Janus to push it, Roman glared at him for an extended moment, but Janus didn’t take the bait.

Janus snapped his mouth shut, turning his eyes away from Roman in another apology, this one silent. 

Hiding his face, Janus stepped away from Roman and started to slowly and silently unbutton his thick, yellow patchwork winter coat. 

Roman had a coal burning in his stomach, a burning feeling of anger that scorched his stomach. But he had nowhere to vent it, so it all came out on Janus. All the smoldering feelings he could never properly address until they met again. 

It wasn’t until Roman looked back at Janus’s ‘pained and hiding it badly’ expression that Janus’s cool expression doused the flames progressively rising up his throat. Roman bit his lip.

Crap, that was a bit too harsh. He didn’t do anything to warrant that. He did go a bit too far with the comment, but I had no right to snap back like that. He was already apologizing! I’m a dunce.

Roman’s sharp expression full of furrowed brows and downturned frowns all at once softened into wide eyed and round mouthed gentleness. Wanting to remedy the situation he had gotten them into, Roman stretched out his hand to Janus’s back. Roman didn’t want to spook Janus, so instead he gently spoke.

“Wait… Jan.”

Having his winter coat already nearly off, Janus paused. His coat was peeled away to reveal Janus’s attire of a yellow slip-on jacket over a black long sleeve shirt and a pair of densely patterned flowy pants that were mostly a deep sort of purple. He turned slowly back to Roman, as if Roman was an animal about to pounce or something. 

Roman’s stomach clenched when he saw Janus’s eye trained on the ground and his shoulders hunched forward, this was a far cry from his usually suave and confident Janus. 

Dang it! I made him feel that way! How can I make this up to him? We’re both a bunch of clueless a-holes, I guess.

“No, you’re… F- Crap, I didn’t mean to do that. It’s okay, Janus. I know you didn’t mean to be mean, you’re okay. I… I acted without thinking because I was angry and I’m sorry for that. I shouldn't have lashed out when you were clearly sorry and I-”

Roman was interrupted in his ramble by a warm, lithe hand suddenly pressing against his, mind malfunctioning at the simple touch. His breath hitched as Roman blinked down where Janus had interlocked their fingers. 

Lightly flexing his hand in the grip, Roman gazed down at their hands with awe before raising his eyes back to Janus’s. Roman’s breath was nearly taken away again as he didn’t see any scorn or anything that he thought he deserved directed at him, not even the same regret he knew was shining in his eyes. Instead, he saw graciousness and forgiveness in Janus’s eyes. Janus’s face was open and gentle, like they hadn’t just been at odds moments ago.

His mind was just a whirlwind of emotions, everything coming together in a blend that was completely unpleasant in his stomach.

“Uh…” Roman breathed out, hoping the crack in his voice wasn’t too noticeable.

Keeping their fingers interlocked, Janus’s face finally dropped back into its natural smirk as Janus pushed lightly on Roman’s chest playfully. 

“Oh honey, please don’t tell me you’re speechless just because I forgave you. Certainly that’s not the reason, right?’ Janus flashed a knowing look as he finally shed his coat with his remaining free hand. The movement pulled at Roman’s hand, but he was still dazed from everything that had just happened that he barely registered the movement.

“N- uh, no, that’s not the reason because I’m not speechless. See? This is me speaking right now, not speechless.” Roman said, a slight heat falling over his cheeks. 

Roman hoped desperately on the stars above that his face wasn’t as red as he thought it was.

“Ah, so the man does have a voice! What a discovery! Let us see if he uses it again!” Janus gasped melodramatically. 

Janus placed his free hand under his chin in mock anticipation of Roman’s next words. Roman huffed, crossing his arms despite the traitorous smile threatening to bloom on his lips.

“Come on, Janus. The bit is over, it’s time to stop.”

Lighting up in pretend excitement as he opened his mouth, Janus ignored him in favor of continuing the bit. Roman pouted and turned away almost like a toddler as Janus was clearly going to continue whether or not Roman was onboard.

“Oh, he’s a feisty talker, this one. Will he… continue…to….”

Abruptly dropping the act, Janus trailed off, something catching his attention from the corner of his eye. Janus’s grip on Roman’s hand tightened into what could almost be described as a death grip. Whatever it was was behind Roman, though, so he had to turn a complete one hundred and eighty degrees to face what had caught Janus’s attention in the general direction of the kitchen.

At first he didn’t observe anything out of the ordinary about the kitchen, everything was immaculate save for the edge of the tupperware boxes that signaled Patton had been boredom baking again. It always tickled Roman to come back to a kitchen full of cookies whenever they had to be gone for more than a day at a time. But that was certainly not what Janus was concerned about, it didn’t click until he blinked multiple times to see anything new that it struck him.

The kitchen light was still on.

Roman’s grip tightened on Janus’s hand as an acknowledgement he had noticed as well.

He looked back at Janus, who led Roman by the hand over to the light switch slowly, neither of them speaking a word until Janus silently flipped the switch and plunged the kitchen into only the dim light streaming through the windows.  

It was only then that Roman finally spoke up.

 “He… never leaves the kitchen light on. You… you think he’s sick?” Roman asked, turned to Janus, who had an unreadable expression on his face. Janus was silent for a lot longer, and part of Roman wanted to joke back at Janus cause their roles were reversed, but the sudden hollow sensation in Roman’s stomach gave him reason not to.

“Whatever it is, something’s wrong. You think we should go and wake him?” Janus said.

Roman pursed his lips in thought.

“Well, at the very least we should check up on him. See if he looks like he needs anything before we jump the gauntlet here.” 

Despite Janus’s slowly revealed expression of concern, Janus’s mouth still came up in a smirk.

“And here I thought I was the one who was going to say that. You’re the Mr. Impulsive of our group, I’m surprised you haven’t sprinted to his aid yet.”

You and me both, Roman sighed,

“For the last time, you know my name, Janus. And… well…  don't know… something just feels… off about this.” Roman frowned, going to face the portion of the kitchen that continued past the dining table into the hallway.

“Definitely.” Janus echoed, shivering a little. That had his attention. Roman turned his head back to Janus, keeping his body facing the same way.

“You’re cold, Janus?” Roman asked. 

Roman raised an eyebrow at Janus as Janus rubbed his arms a little, grimacing.

“Yeah. Are you sure you closed the door?” 

Roman opened his mouth to say he had, but his mouth stayed open in a gape as the memories of the last 5 minutes flitted through his mind.

Roman had been in the car, then opening the door and doing his dramatic bit, then scowling at Janus, making up, then noticing the light and then he was here facing the hallway with Janus.

And at no point did he, or Janus for that matter, close the door. 

Roman snapped his mouth shut, but made a point not to look embarrassed.

“No, but then again, neither did you.”

Janus arched an eyebrow much like Roman had just done to him moments before. Pursing his lips, Janus nodded slightly.

“Touche, Wroammin.” 

Roman narrowed his eyes and folded his arms at Janus. “I can hear you misspelling my name. Don’t think I can’t.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,.” Janus nonchalantly shrugged. “Now, can you please go shut the door so we can check on Patton?”

Bringing a hand coming up to clutch his chest, Roman gasped dramatically.

“Why should I, the noble Roman Prince, be the one to close the door when you were the one closer to it and you didn’t close the door?” Roman crossed his hands in front of his chest again. “What do you have to say about that?”

Placing one of his hands on his hip, Janus dropped one of his shoulders, staring at Roman like he was dumb.

“Dude, you’re the one that still has your winter coat on. I’m cold over here, how do you imagine the doorway feels like?” Janus replied somewhere between flatly and incredulously.

Roman’s gaze shot down to his outfit, which showed that indeed his blood red coat was still in place as well as his winter boots below that. Not even a button was undone. Roman’s mouth hung open a little.

“Oh.”

Janus wasn’t amused, judging by the steady frown on his face..

“‘Oh’ is right. Can you shut the door now? The temperature’s dropped more than your IQ.” Janus’s smirk was back, gesturing low to the ground to accentuate his words. “Now. Before we go pounce on Patton to give him whatever care he needs, okay?”

Huffing, Roman rolled his eyes as he finally went to go close the front door. He nearly tripped over a stray glove beside the basket of gloves, picking it up so it was out of the way.

Hmm… Patton’s usually good about picking those up… Something is definitely off.

Roman threw the stray glove in the basket as he stood back up. He got what Janus was talking about as he neared the door; even through his thick coat a slight chill came over him. Though maybe that was just because his face and hands were uncovered, but he didn’t really have proof one way or the other. Either way, he was cold even with the coat.

He quickly got to the door and shut it with a satisfying slide and click sound. Sighing in relief at the sudden warmth that flooded back into his limbs and torso as the door shut, Roman turned around and leaned against the door. But as he opened his eyes, still relishing the warmth, his vision revealed Janus standing in the crossroads of the front door, the kitchen, and the living room. 

Janus’s unamused frown was still heavily in place. Roman was thoroughly chastised with just the glance, Janus didn’t even have to say anything to get Roman to want to move again.

Still, Roman only begrudgingly pushed himself up from the doorway because Janus had looked at him like that. If it was Roman’s decision, he could’ve stayed there like that forever if he wanted, but he didn’t because Janus was there and he didn’t want to disappoint Janus.

Roman grumbled as he walked a few strides and began to strip off his coat, but not before he had slid his gloves off his hand and placed them nearby for ease of taking off the rest of what he needed to take off.

 Unlike Janus’s slightly more informal looking attire, Roman’s attire under his coat was fairly formal. He did have a layer of thick black leggings on for the winter weather. Over the leggings, however, he had a flowy black dress with thin shoulder straps and a slit down the middle to about halfway up that had a design of red flowers across it. 

But despite the dress's elegance, neither of the men made a comment on Roman’s ability to rock it as Roman shook the sleeves of his coat off his hands, still grumbling. Janus looked on, unimpressed.

When Roman had finally released his hands from the mortal coil of his coat, Roman hung his coat beside Janus's dullish yellow patchwork coat. 

After shifting back to face Janus, Roman strutted to him with a sudden confidence likely brought on by the reminder of his outfit. He even threw a wink at Janus, which only garnered yet another eye roll from Janus as Roman sidled up to him. 

Roman smiled expectantly, but all Janus did when Roman came back was grunt and start to walk down the hall so they could both check on Patton. Trying to hide his disappointed look, Roman sprinted down the hallway for a moment to catch up with Janus.

“Janus, wait up! Why’d you start going without me?” Roman said, attempting and failing to hide the disappointment.

Janus didn’t respond verbally, but his eyes flickered to Roman’s before he raised a silent finger to his slightly grimacing lips. 

Getting Janus’s message loud and clear, Roman covered his mouth belatedly with his hand.

“Oh, sorry, I forgot Patton could still- no, is asleep. But still, why’d you just leave me behind?” Roman whispered, still wanting Janus to inform him why he did what he did despite Janus’s lack of answer.

Remaining deathly silent, Janus ignored him with only a glance of consideration back in his direction.

Roman considered trying to get Janus to respond again, but he decided against it as they reached closer and closer to Patton’s bedroom. 

Mirroring the events from earlier, Roman brushed his hand up against Janus’s as he walked beside him, a silent request that was fulfilled when Janus reached out of his own accord and grasped Roman’s hand back. His gloves that he always wore around this time and rarely ever took off brushed against Roman’s palm, which he hadn’t completely registered earlier due to the influx of emotion that surrounded their previous gesture.

Their mutual handhold did get Janus to look a little longer back at Roman, which Roman silently declared a victory, if but just a small victory. But as with anything, the moment of connection didn’t last.

Both of them slowly let go of each other’s hands as they stopped in front of Patton’s door, analyzing the wood of the door. Neither of them really wanted to just barge in and risk upsetting in any small way if they were mistaken that Patton was under the weather somehow.

But it was the knowledge that they had to check up on Patton sometime even if neither of them wanted to that that pushed Roman’s hand forwards, the first to open the door.

Janus gazed down from the door to Roman’s hand, and then up to Roman’s eyes with a silent question to Roman.

Do we really want to do this?

In response, Roman simply nodded, forcing his expression into a more determined expression he wasn’t really experiencing.

Breathing a silent sigh, Janus looked back down then to Roman’s hand, squaring his shoulders in a similarly determined way that Roman thought mirrored his own false confidence. They were both resigned to accept whatever happened when they opened the door.

And so, Roman slowly twisted the doorknob, light pressing his body against it as he carefully eased the door open.

“Hey, Patton, you awake? We’re back early.” Roman whispered quietly. His eyes struggled to adjust to the light in Patton’s dim bedroom, only the light of the outside allowing them to see. Roman imagined Janus was having just as much trouble making out anything as Janus’s face scrunched in concentration beside him.

For the time being as their eyes adjusted, there was silence in the bedroom. 

A nervous laugh bubbled in Roman’s throat, but he swallowed it back down. Instead, he kept his voice low as he tried again.

“Patton? I’m sorry if we woke y...ou...we...ju…...st…” Roman trailed off as Patton’s dim bedroom ultimately came into focus around them.

Patton’s plushies and various items around the room resolved into being, the blue of his comforter was still a more dull gray looking as the light from the windows still weren’t enough to completely make everything light and vibrant like they should be. 

All of those things and yet...

Patton was nowhere to be seen.

There was a sinking feeling in Roman’s stomach as Roman traced and retraced the outline of Patton’s covers. He noted how the covers looked like they hadn’t been disturbed in a while as the door fully opened, lightly tapping the dresser nearby that was in it’s path by a small margin.

“Patton?” Roman asked one last time, even though with the evidence in front of his eyes told him it was pointless. Patton wasn’t in his bedroom.

Janus, on the other hand, appeared unable to speak. Roman had to look at Janus just to try to verify Janus was seeing what Roman was as well. And by Janus’s expression, he had glaring proof that what he was observing in Patton’s bedroom was indeed what was actually happening.

Eyes wide in what Roman assumed was shock, Janus had one of his gloved hands hovering over his mouth. His lips were parted a smidgen, as if Janus had tried to stop himself from speaking and fortunately succeeded.

Roman again took the initiative to speak, as Janus was in no position to do so at that moment.

“Jan, do you- is he-” Roman stumbled over his words, which might have been why Janus had refrained from speaking. However, Roman didn’t have too much time to think about that as his own stumbling over words at long last brought Janus out of whatever slight stupor he was in.

Janus dropped his hand down out from in front of his face, his voice shaking when he spoke.

“Roman, search the house. We… Let’s make sure he isn’t just somewhere. There’s a logical explanation for this. Both of us should try not to pan-ic.” Janus’s voice broke at his last word, an ironic humor to its timing. The slow panic rising up in Roman was audible in Janus’s words as well.

Glancing from the bedroom to the slowly more and more visible hallway, Roman stepped uncertainly backwards further into the hall. His own voice suddenly became as shaky as Janus’s.

“Yeah, I’ll… get the left, you get the right.” Roman said numbly, moving automatically towards the first room on the left before Janus’s firm grip stopped him. 

“What?” Roman asked, a tinge of frustration and anger in his voice as he was yanked slightly back. 

He immediately softened when he came face to face with Janus’s concerned face. And some or maybe most of that concern was for him.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not trying to hold us up, but we’re going to find him, alright? Even if he isn’t close right now, he will be.” Janus said, looking purposefully into Roman’s eyes with that soft expression of concern that just melted Roman’s anger and frustration and some of his worries away. 

Janus… always had a way of doing that to him.

Wiping his anger and worries away so that all that was left was… love. Just a simple love that made Roman want to hold Janus and never let him go. He would kill anyone who dared hurt Janus, that was for sure.

Smiling just as gently as the touch was, Janus placed a tender hand to Roman’s cheek. He ran his thumb lightly over Roman’s cheek, as if exploring every inch of his cheek.

Roman closed his eyes, leaning into the touch more and more, trying to drink up the comfort it brought.

Opening his eyes again, Roman smiled sadly, already looking around the corridor towards the end of the hallway. But he did look back in Janus’s eyes to respond.

“Okay, Janus. Let us go find him.” 

Janus ran his thumb one more time over Roman’s cheek, letting the moment stay a little bit longer, before ending the touch on Roman’s cheek and stepping back. 

“Alright Roman, see you back here.”

Roman leaned into the touch even as Janus withdrew it, his lips parting to protest the lack of touch, but he bit his lip to stop as they didn’t have too much time to do that if they wanted to find Patton.

Roman straightened his dress a bit as Janus stepped back down the hall, facing Roman for a moment before finally turning and walking to his first room in the hall. His expression was on the verge of unreadable, and what Roman could read wasn’t one cohesive message. Roman looked after Janus, smiling a bit lopsidedly as he was fairly wary of whatever Janus’s look meant, but he stayed focused and turned to check the first room on the left side of the hallway, walking back towards the living room to get to it.

Trying not to make too much noise despite the whispered conversation he and Janus had just had in the hallway nearby, Roman placed his hand silently on the doorknob. He took a few deep breaths in before he slowly opened the door. 

Cringing at the creak the door made when he opened it, Roman peeked his head into the similarly dim room. Like before, at first he didn’t see anything in the sudden darkness, but his eyes were much more quick to adjust to the light level this time. 

Once his eyes adjusted to the light in the room, he also found the room to be void of Patton or any sign that he had been there. It was then that something irked him, but Roman couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was bothering him at first.

Having searched everywhere in the room with only a skirting glance, Roman regretfully slipped the door closed just as silently as before, a creak of the door greeting his ears once more.

Roman moved quickly down to the next room, it was his own bedroom nearing the corner of the house. 

He had no clue what Patton would be doing alone in his room, but Roman had to check just on the off chance he was. 

It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility for Patton to be missing them and wanting to get closer to each of them through their room and their memories. Patton was always the more emotionally connected and empathetic of the three of them. That’s what Janus and Roman both adored about Patton; he would cry at little ducklings and puppies, at hallmark movies, and at little children. It was so very adorable.

Roman quickly brushed all of the confusion he had about why Patton could be there and instead focused on finding out if he actually was there. 

This time when Roman opened the door, he was a little less gentle or attempting to be silent. And apparently every single door had the same idea that day as it creaked loudly also when Roman cracked it open.

Peering into his own room like he wasn’t someone who lived in the room for at least a third of the day on most days, Roman was already quickly bored of the routine of waiting for his eyes to adjust to the light and if Patton was truly asleep he would’ve awoken by now. So instead of waiting like before, he took the initiative to reach his hand into the room blindly to hit the light switch.

He blindly fumbled for a moment before his hand hit the light switch, flipping it on with a deft flick of his finger. 

Roman was momentarily disappointed to find in the stark illumination of his overhead light that Patton was again nowhere to be found. However, the moment didn’t last as he noticed something else.

Roman rarely ever made his bed, because his room wasn’t a performance where everything had to be wrinkle free. Why make your bed when the only person who is going to appreciate it being made is you?  That was Roman’s methodology, at least. 

But when Roman glanced into his own room, he was struck with the fact that the bed was now fully made. The plushie that Patton had gifted him as a token of gratitude to putting up with him, his words, not Roman’s, was sitting on top of Roman’s folded blankets at the foot of the bed. It was as if the plushie was standing guard over the room, which Roman found to be adorably thoughtful for Patton. 

Roman smiled as he gazed down on the plushie. A warm feeling spread in his chest that beat the stress and panic of not finding Patton back just enough to give a little giggle at the dork Patton was for doing that.

Oh Patton, you giant empathetic dork. You knew exactly what you were doing, didn’t you?

Except… he hadn’t found Patton yet. That was still important, but the sight of the plushie helped Janus’s previous soothing sink in a little more into Roman’s mind: “We’re going to find him, alright? Even if he isn’t close right now, he will be.” 

Roman breathed in a deep breath in and out. In and out. In and out.

Everything was going to be okay, they would find Patton, wherever he was. Patton was close, even if he was physically farther away.

Finding the switch much easier this time as the light was on this time to guide him, Roman reached through the door again to shut off the light.

Once that was done, after Roman fumbled a bit getting his hand back out through the door, Roman stepped back from the door and turned to check the last room on his side of the hallway. Janus had already checked the last room judging by the door standing slightly ajar. However, Janus’s back was still visible in the study on the right side of the hallway.

Roman took a step down the hall before it hit him that Janus wasn’t moving. Janus was just standing there nearly in the hallway staring down at something in the study.

“Janus, did you find something? Is Patton in there?” Roman moved slowly to the door of the study, but Janus didn’t move to greet Roman or say anything. Janus only stood there, silent and not moving.

Janus only moved when Roman reached a hand to touch Janus’s back, causing Janus to jump at the sudden touch. He looked truly spooked when he turned around, his eyes going wide before he caught sight of who had actually touched him. 

Janus immediately relaxed, but not completely, his shoulders were still tense as his expression was weirdly pained.

“Janus? Is something wrong? Did you find Patton?” Roman asked. 

Trying to decipher Janus’s pensive expression, he tilted his head at Janus, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

Janus looked at the ground for a moment before he looked up at Roman, making eye contact with him as his parted.

“Roman I think he could’ve-” Janus swallowed like he had a lump in his throat. “He could’ve been taken. They… look-”

Janus stepped to the side to reveal the bottom drawer that rarely anyone ever opened was more than slightly ajar. The drawer was half open and clearly rummaged in and full of tools.

It took a few moments for Roman to connect the dots of what Janus meant. But once he connected the ajar drawer full of long thick utensils that some weighed almost a pound or two, it finally clicked what he meant. Roman’s hand flew to his mouth in realization and shock.

“You think?” 

Janus clasped his hands in front of him tight, his expression pressing his lips into a thin line.

“I think it’s the most obvious, because his car’s still in the driveway and yet we can’t find him. What else is there to think?”

Roman cursed under his breath, his panic slowly rising as he imagined all the ways Patton could’ve used a utensil from the drawer to beat back an intruder. They always started out successful, Roman getting a pang of pride everytime Patton swung the utensil in a way that intimidated them. But all too soon, each possibility ended in Patton shot or stabbed or drugged, all of them ended as Patton was drug through the front door, bleeding out or kicking and kicking and screaming into a gag as the door was slammed closed, hiding what the assailants did next.

“But before we panic too hard and do something rash, don’t touch anything, and find any sign of a forced entry or a struggle. It’s possible if this happened just before we got back, they left only moments before we came. And Patton could still be hiding somewhere hidden thinking we’re still the people who broke into the house.” Janus said, smoothing down the front of his outfit compulsively, a tell that meant he was likely trying to keep down his own panic. 

Roman opened his mouth to say something before hesitating. He wanted to just call the police and find out where Patton could’ve gone right then, but if Patton was in the house, it would be useless to do that for a missing person investigation. They would still need the authorities, but-

Roman’s eyes widened, gripping Janus’s shoulders tight. Roman needed to tell Janus.

“What if Patton called the police wherever he is and they’re on their way? We gotta find him if he’s here so he can explain-” 

Janus pressed a gloved finger to Roman’s lips to silence him, prying Roman’s hands off of him with his other hand.

“Roman, if he has a phone with him, can’t we just call him? And if that isn’t what happened, he can just explain what did. Again, we can’t let panic get the better of us. Deep breaths, Roman.”

Roman was suddenly very aware of how labored and fast his breathing was. His head was very light all of sudden, which meant he had been breathing very shallowly in what he now could discern was a bit too much panic.

Roman’s lungs begged for air, and Roman obliged them as he breathed in deep. However, he was already pulling out his phone out of Janus’s eyesight.

“In... hold it… out… In....” Janus coached Roman for a bit before he glanced down at Roman’s free hand. “Oh Roman, come on. We can do that later, we need you to breathe right now, okay?”

Yanking himself from Janus’s grip, Roman shook his head as he called Patton, pressing his phone against his ear. He walked as fast as he dared back down the hallway to escape the wrath of Janus’s self-care, of trying to get him to breathe. 

Roman didn’t need to breathe, he needed answers to what had happened to Patton.

“Roman!” Janus yelled after Roman, but Roman ignored him in favor of the rolling call tones coming from the phone. He craned his ears for any trace of a ringtone nearby as well. But as he walked from one end of the house to the other, Roman heard nothing but the sound of the call tones in his ear and the faint sounds in his ears of Janus’s pleas.

Roman’s heart jumped when he heard Patton’s voice, but as it continued, it hit him that it was just his voicemail message.

“Hey! Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now! I’m probably off petting cute puppies or spending some time with my partners. Leave a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can! I love you, whoever you are!”

Roman chuckled sadly into his phone at Patton’s voice, waiting until the beep to finally slow down in front of one of the front windows as he left a message for Patton.

“Hey Patton, I- We don’t know where you are right now, just know that you’re going to be okay. We're going to find you, I promise. I love… you...Patton.” Roman trailed off as something outside caught his eye, letting the voicemail go on a little bit in silence before he pressed the end call button on his phone.

He stared outside with wide eyes, turning back to the living room only to catch sight of Janus standing a little behind him as if he was going to talk to Roman. But instead Janus was gazing down at the couch.

“Roman.” 

“Janus.” 

Both of them spoke at the same time, the same amount of bewilderment and panic in their voices.

Janus looked up from where he was looking at the couch and Roman nodded at him silently to be the one to speak first. Janus swallowed again.

“Roman, there’s a blood stain on this blanket and the vase for the living room is broken in the trash. I think Patton’s hurt bad, because it’s a lot of blood.”

Roman glanced down at where Janus had been looking. He found the stain easily with how it stood out on the blanket, like a crimson mark on the pristine white blanket. Patton’s afghan was also noticeably in the pile of blankets on the couch, which confused Roman a little, but it did make a little sense with what Roman was just noticing in the driveway.

Roman glanced back out the window, just to make sure he was seeing correctly before he turned back to Janus again, eyes wide as saucers.

“Janus, it isn’t Patton’s car that’s in the driveway beside ours. Come look.”

Janus’s eyes widened as he ran over to the other window, looking through the curtain at the car that looked like Patton’s. Same kind of look, but it wasn’t exactly the same. The color of the car itself was darker and the interior wasn’t decorated in small plushies.

“That’s… Logan’s car. Which means it’s-”

Roman nodded. 

“Remus. Which makes sense, if Patton was injured and knew he couldn’t drive and knew that Remus could get him to the hospital faster. But if Remus was actually the one to hurt Patton i swear to all things holy that I’ll-”

“Listen to Patton first for what happened instead of jumping to the worst conclusion that could’ve happened.” Janus finished for Roman, his voice gentle even as he began to tug Roman’s tense and angry form towards the door.

Roman parted his lips to protest but instead let Janus guide him to the door by the hand. Instead, he spoke to the air, ignoring the roll of Janus’s eyes as he spoke.

“Hold on Patton, we’re coming.” 

[unsympathetic-snake]

So what's your reason for not liking Janus? I don't like him mostly because of how manipulative he is and how he treated Roman, who's my comfort character. Plus his apology thing just seemed a bit off to me in the last episode since it was such a big change of character so quickly. There's more but that's the biggest reasons bfhnjd. What's yours? You don't have to answer if you don't wanna, I was just curious :)

Ok this might be a little bit ranty im sorry

I mostly don’t like him because of how the fandom treats him like some blameless victim, so a lot of spite is involved. I also really disliked how he treated Roman who’s also my comfort character. 

I actually liked his more villian-y vibe before POF and I think Patton and Thomas forgave him and trusted him too quickly (like??? he didn’t even apologize for anything he did??) and now he just feels like another Virgil, just more “uwu babey.”

Also,,,so much manipulation, gaslighting, lying, etc. Which he never apologized for. 

I would probably like him more if he wasn’t the “untouchable” perfect character to the fandom. 

[witchy-lili]

What was necessary, part 1/?

So hewwooo, kinda spammed myself with Sander Sides animatic and fic AU’s so i got inspired ! The events are after POF, Roman shut himself making the others doubt their decision to accept Janus and our sassy snake boy needed a way to crawl in. If they didn’t wanna give him a place, he was gonna take it. 

Enjoy~ ---------------------------------------------- It was so crazy, it had to work. They didn’t have much more ideas or solutions did they ? Janus ran his gloved hand over his face, hissing quitely. The fire was crackling in front of him, but no warmth in this world could melt the stone cold look he had on his tired eyes. He took a deep, almost growley breath before looking at his acolyte. The Duke was sitting, legs crossed, seemingly floating in the air, but the ardent embers kinda reflected on a pitch black tentacle. He always had that same enigmatic smile. -Let’s start over, Remus, we- -Again ? Just talk to one of my zuckers and wake me up when you’re over this. I told you. This plan is absolutely perfect, unless Mister Danger Noodle isn’t qualified enough for his task~ -Don’t call me..whatever you just said. No plan is perfect, and what you’re suggesting is really risky, and actually pretty crazy. -Jany, Jany, Jany ! You just lack imagination ! It’s just a simple bait and switch. Three cards appeared in front of the snake. They flipped themselves showing three aces, heart, spades and diamonds before turning again. Janus raised an intrigued eyebrow, staring at the cursed creativity. -Don’t you think it’s not the moment for games ? -Calm your snake tits and pick one damn it ! Janus sighed loudly before putting a finger on the card in the middle. It was supposed to be the spades. He flipped it, kinda confident before being greeted by an almost mocking diamond card. His eyes went back to the satisfied Duke. -You cheated. -Nu uh Slithering Sandy, you didn’t even know what the game was ! I took your attention away and switched the cards. Bait and Switch. The snake’s eyes shimmered under the starlight. Remus seemed foolish, delusional even, this plan was so unrealistic it was impossible to not have doubts about it, but he trusted the man sitting in front of him. This whole scheme also depended on his act. He already managed to fool the other sides more than once, but now it will be for a longer period of time, he had to be perfect. -I guess it’s settled then, dear...slimy friend. Conjuring objects was always pretty easy. Effortless even. But maintaining the illusion of two different places while being shapeshifted was not as fun. Janus sighed looking at his reflection in the mirror, he looked like an almost picture perfect version of Roman. He knew which strings to pull, he had to be careful. They were dorky, not dumb. After taking a deep breath, his natural scales and slit eye disappeared. It was time. Light, cameras, action. Logan, Virgil and Patton were already in the living room, around a board game and some dice. Three pairs of eyes turned to see the newcomer and Janus could quickly see Virgil switching the dice to another number. This could have put a smile on his face, but it wasn’t the moment. Patton had a small side, kinda nervous smile. -Hello kiddo, a..are you okay ? We haven’t seen you in a very long time. Oh yeah. Roman kinda closed himself off after the sides -well, Patton and Logan primarily- accepted to give Janus a seat at the table. The prince look-alike shrugged after putting on a nonchalant demeanor. -Oh you know, a prince needs his beauty sleep. Self care and all of that ! I just needed to think for a hot second. What are you playing, you nerds ? He needed to distract them for now, and also do his best to buy the most time possible for his partner. Logan adjusted his square glasses and loosened his tie. -Well, a game about financial gain, monetary organisation, estate management and…- Virgil cut him off -Monopoly, Logan, just say Monopoly. -Well i was just being precise and-..i'm pretty sure i had a five on my roll. Logan stared at the eyeshadowed emo man who just looked away with a sly little smirk on his face. Patton just laughed, he absolutely had no idea how to play but still had fun, and was against all odds, winning, even though he was just “buying what seemed nice” and getting insanely lucky with the dice. He felt kinda bad playing them like that, but he did what needed to be done. He just hopped that Remus didn’t mess up on his part. -Actually, i came here to talk about an important matter. The small bickering between them stopped as they turned toward the fake prince again, all curious. -I..thought about it for a very long time and i think it’s time to -against all odds- accept that this slimy snake can sometimes be right. We neglected Thomas’s well being for way too long. They looked each other in the eyes. Patton stood up and walked toward Janus before taking him in a warm, kind hug. He was cold blooded. This contact made him shiver a first, but he accepted it, even closing his eyes to focus on the comfort it made him feel. The personified morality looked at him with an innocent soft smile. -I know this was probably a hard decision to make kiddo, but i'm happy that you at least took the time to think about it. Virgil crossed his arms looking at him with a rose eyebrow. -Yeah, you’re usually stubborn and stay stuck in your position. What made you change your mind ? -Well “Purple Days”, guess I am able to have critical thinking ? See ? Hey Logan, I said critical thinking ! Big words here ! I just want to do what’s best for Thommy ! Jesus, this felt like a divine punishment. Acting like the himbo himself. And without another word and the same attitude, he walked up to the board to watch them play, actually he wasn’t even following, his mind was split between thinking about Remus’s situation and if he managed to do his part, and the unceasing affection from Patton. He was so trusting and kind, he even forgave him after impersonating him, but now wasn’t the time to doubt. He knew he did, what was necessary, or at least, he believed so.. He just wanted to be listened to.  ----------------------------------------- Kinda short I know, you know why ? It’s only half of the first chap ! This is Jan’s point of view, so expect to see a garbage bastard rat very very soon~ 

[ace-in-a-shopping-cart]

Who Is In Control?

Remus’s life story, as told by the song Control by Halsey.

Word Count:  1,526

Italics are lyrics

Remus wandered the halls of the Subconscious, searching for his next great idea, his next breakthrough had to be just around the corner. As he did so, he thought back to the first time he was created, the first time he was locked in a cage, the first time he met Deceit. 

They send me away to find them a fortune, A chest filled with diamonds and gold

He was so small when it happened. He didn’t know what was going on, only that one moment he was one and the next he was two. Even then, he barely had time to process what had happened before a hook was around his neck, pulling him along another side dressed in black. The side threw him in a cage, not letting him out unless he felt like it. Eventually, he was sent into the Subconscious to find the Nightmare Fuel.

The house was awake, the shadows and monsters, The hallways, they echoed and groaned

The Subconscious was not a nice place, Remus soon found out. It was filled with machines trudging on with awful monotony, large areas of shelves that were easy to get lost in. If he wasn’t careful, he would lose himself, his identity. The Subconscious had a habit of absorbing sides, which was what made it so dangerous. As he grew older, he was given a room and learned to fear that too. The walls dripped with blood, whispering things most people would shudder at. 

 I sat alone, in bed till the morning, I'm crying, "They're coming for me"

He cried the first night he was left alone in the cage, and the first night he was left alone in his room. He missed his other half, the person who made him feel complete. This room was too big, to empty with just himself in it. He could feel the floor shake with every step he took, the walls reached out to brush his shoulders, even the furniture seemed to be out to get him. He cried himself to sleep.

And I tried to hold these secrets inside me, My mind's like a deadly disease

He tried to resist his function at first, tried to forget who he was. At one point, he went wandering in the Subconscious, hoping to get absorbed. He couldn’t take it anymore, being hated for who he was. He didn’t get far before the side with the cane, who he had come to know as Janus, found him and locked him in his room.

I'm bigger than my body, I'm colder than this home, I'm meaner than my demons, I'm bigger than these bones

As he grew, as Thomas grew, Remus forgave himself for his thoughts, he forgave his function and learned to accept it. There were times when he didn’t like who he was, time he wanted to rebel against himself and break free but didn’t. He accepted that part too, giving it an outlet in pages upon pages of writing that would never see the light of day. Thomas would never notice his work as he would never notice Remus’ existence in the first place. 

And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me", I can't help this awful energy, God damn right, you should be scared of me, Who is in control?

As he grew, he started to get more freedom. He was allowed to use his content on the other sides who lived near the Subconscious. He especially loved terrorizing one particular side. He was always afraid of everything, allowing Remus to use his best material on him. That was, until Anxiety learned to hide from him. After a while, he was unable to differentiate between what he himself created and what his room told him when he should be sleeping. He was never entirely sure if what he wrote was his own creation, the room using him, or even his own intrusive thoughts shining through. 

I paced around for hours on empty, I jumped at the slightest of sounds, And I couldn't stand the person inside me, I turned all the mirrors around

When he was allowed to come face to face with Thomas for the first time, he didn’t exactly know what to do. He planned and schemed for hours while Janus whittled the other sides down, preparing Thomas for him. When he finally got to see Thomas, his hopes were dashed. He thought Thomas would have put up more of a fight, or at least give in easier. Instead, Logan was the one to put up the biggest fight.

I'm bigger than my body, I'm colder than this home, I'm meaner than my demons, I'm bigger than these bones

He didn’t know who he was anymore. All he had was being himself but even that was taken from him. As he sank back to his room, being wrapped in the humid air once more, he felt himself reach out and connect with the wall. Long ago, he had learned to not touch the walls if he could help it as they tended to not want to let go. He had also learned that he would be able to feel the whole room at once if he kept contact for the right amount of time. This time, he didn’t care about his rules but just wanted to feel alive, to remind himself who he was.

And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me", I can't help this awful energy, God damn right, you should be scared of me, Who is in control?

He remembered the look on Anxiety’s face as they saw each other for the first time in what must have been twenty-five years. He saw the look on his other half’s face, the one who was supposed to be his ally. He looked into his brother’s eyes but found hatred instead of the acceptance he was hoping for. So, he reminded them who he was. He showed them just who they were messing with.

I'm well acquainted with villains that live in my bed, They beg me to write them so they'll never die when I'm dead, And I've grown familiar with villains that live in my head, They beg me to write them so I'll never die when I'm dead

He could no longer distinguish where he ended and his own intrusive thoughts began. He had lived with them for so long, they were all he knew. He didn’t know of anything more, simply what he was created to do. But even that didn’t seem to be good enough anymore. Anxiety wouldn’t look him in the eye. When Janus did look at him, it was with disappointment at his failure. He didn’t know who he was anymore, losing himself without even having the almost comforting pull of the Subconscious, the lull and promise of relief, to help him.

I'm bigger than my body, I'm colder than this home, I'm meaner than my demons, I'm bigger than these bones

He no longer knew who he was, being rejected by his only friend and discarded by his maker, the only being who gave him purpose. He acted as if everything were fine, even as he broke down on the inside. Picking himself up, he gave himself new resolve. They may have discarded him, but he would not be ignored.

And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me", I can't help this awful energy, God damn right, you should be scared of me, Who is in control? 

He schemed and planned, his room whispering ideas as his own head gave him ideas as well. He created the worst things he could think of, his best material yet. He terrorized the sides with it. Anxiety wasn’t as easy as he remembered him being but it was manageable. He was able to get him to spiral, even going so far as to stay out of the next discussion entirely. Morality was easiest prey, Remus was able to spiral him into a full on frog-out.

And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me", I can't help this awful energy, God damn right, you should be scared of me, Who is in control?

The next sides to go were Logic and his other half. Both were weak after the latest discussion, making them easy prey and susceptible to him. Remus terrorized Thomas, following him around at all hours of the day. He started with simply creeping him out before working his way up to full blown suggestions all the time, not just at night.

Janus was the hardest one to deal with, being the most confident and having lies on his side. He was able to easily fend Remus off. In order to get any headway, he had to bring out the biggest ace up his sleeve he had: the illusive Orange side. Not much was known about him, not his function, nor his name. Many sides weren’t entirely sure he existed in the first place. Nevertheless, Remus had the key to the cage and was about to let the wild animal loose in the town.