#so much of his motivation is insecurity and anger and fear that stems from being powerless and disrespected but when you take that fear away

[llycaons]

jgy did end up getting the power he craved and he still murdered so many innocent people out of resentment and paranoia and vindictive cruelty so who’s to say he wouldn’t be equally sadistic and self-serving in a universe where he and his mother were treated with respect

[darthkruge]

heyy Megan, I'm trying to do a character study on Anakin but im finding very limited information online. what do you think are some of his worst and best traits? his personality, humor and like his values? thank you so much,, hope you have a good day/night

omg hi!! thank you for asking me!!

*cracks knuckles* let’s get into it 

anakin skywalker character analysis

best traits:

intelligence, overall skill, curiosity 

anakin was building droids from scraps when he was a child. he spoke huttese and basic from a young age, as well. he’s an insane battle strategist, wonderfully skilled in battle/with a lightsaber, and incredible pilot! he can pick up new skills quickly, as well. i’m just gonna link this post by @chokemeanakin bc it just sums it up real nice.. but yes smart boy love him

compassion, capacity for emotions, empathy, understanding

anakin feels things deeply. i’ve talked about this a lot before lol. but yeah he is frequently in conflict over the sheer weight of the emotions he carries. further, as a jedi, this is not something his peers could relate to. but he always tries to be there for his friends and would do anything to ease their pain. and i think that anakin seeks to understand others. he’s spent so much of his life feeling alone and like no one related to him; he wants to know how other people work, feel, and think.

loyalty, friendship, caring

anakin is so fucking loyal to those he loves. and, tying into my previous point, he loves deeply. he cares, he always has. he treats droids as humans and forms attachments, even though they may be forbidden. he held onto that need for love, for connection even after he joined the order. and he would defend those he loves til the very end... 

selflessness, protectiveness, bravery

anakin would literally dive headfirst into danger to save someone he loves. he doesn’t care about hurting himself or honestly whatever happens to him, as long as those he cares for are safe. 

worst traits:

impulsivity, recklessness

i think we’ve all seen anakin be a bit impulsive at times... sometimes, he just doesn’t think everything through. this is especially clear when someone he loves is in danger. anakin’s lost so many people that when he’s faced with the threat of losing another, his judgment can become clouded. 

insecurity, jealousy, fear

anakin is frequently jealous, which stems from his insecurities. he was probably conflicted a lot; brought into the order as a young child and told he was the chosen one. the weight of the galaxy was placed on his shoulders and, yet, he was held back in classes as a padawan, he didn’t make rank (canonically). i think these things are what allowed palpatine to manipulate him; palpatine knew anakin was afraid, insecure, and, yet, arrogant (my next point dw). he tapped into this and because anakin and the council did not have much mutual trust (aside from like obi-wan), it was easier to get to him. especially because palpatine used anakin’s fear of losing padme and his unborn children to do so. fuck palpatine bro- 

arrogance

yes, anakin was insecure. yes, he was also arrogant. let me explain myself. he occassionally rushes into things without thinking, thinking he can handle them. i think a lot of this stems from being told he was the chosen one from such a young age. that title combined with his skill?! it makes sense he’d internalize it. i am now going to stop myself before i rant about how the gifted education system is a fuckfest. this is coming from someone who spent years in that program. anyway-

personality/overall rant about his life/motivations:

i think i summed up a lot of his personality within the best and worst traits because i got ahead of myself but im going to say some more!! i think a lot of anakin’s personality is dependent on his deep capacity for emotions. you can see that throughout ROTS, he was conflicted almost all the time. he grew up as a slave and all he wanted was to protect his mother. he built droids to help her and competed in podraces to tryand get them anything that could help. 

then, he was taken to the order. suddenly, all these amazing traits he has make sense!! but then the person who’s supposed to train him (qui-gon) dies after anakin’s only known him for a short period of time. anakin’s attachment issues are abundant (i don’t think i need to explain that one) so of course he grows close to obi-wan! but obi-wan was trying to be strong for anakin. even though obi-wan struggled himself with attachment, he tried to be strong and put up a front as a “good” jedi for anakin to look up to. while this was helpful, anakin probably just felt more conflicted, as no one in his life could relate to the bredth of emotions he felt. this caused him to be more introverted and withdrawn (i talk about that in this post)

then, he loses his mother, she dies in his arms. the only person he’d wanted to protect from a young age, who he left to join the jedi, dies in his arms. he blames himself for this, thinking he should have gotten there faster, should have done something more. he probably also blamed the jedi, to at least some extent. why do these powers matter if they can’t save the people he loves? i believe he acted out of anger, killing the tuskens, because (at least to some degree) of the jedi. instead of teaching him how to express his emotions (pain, fear, loss, grief, etc.), they train him. to some degree, he might think all he’s good for is these skills. so he acts out of anger, slaughtering them. 

and then finally he finds someone who loves him in the way he wants to be loved. padme stays by his side, even after he killed the tuskens. she sees the good in him and treats him as a man, not a prophecy. but once again, this motif of fear remains! he has to hide this love, one of the only pure and good things in his life! he has to live in fear every second of every day because, if the council finds out that he found happiness and love, everything is ruined. 

but then he starts getting the vision’s that padme will die. and not just padme, now his unborn children could die, too. the one thing he has that is good and purely his could now be ripped away. he knew he was helpless, knew there was nothing he could do to stop it by himself. the council isn’t that helpful, telling him to learn to let it go with the force. while that might help any other jedi, it just pushed anakin away. he would never be able to just surrender and let go to the force, not when the life of his entire family is at risk! 

and he finds palpatine, someonoe who has spent years trying to manipulate him. but palpatine is smart, he’s cunning. anakin didn’t know what the real intentions were and, truly, he probably didn’t want to know. he was blinded by his fear and if anything could save padme, he would do it. then the council try to get him to spy on palpatine. again, conflict. anakin’s loyalty is repeatedly questioned and pushed and prodded, he was probably so confused! he didn’t know who to trust. but, when you combine the current situation with his backstory with who he is and what he cares about, it makes sense why it all happened. 

this is what i mean when i say conflict. he was pulled in a million directions constantly. and we all know how his story ends and i don’t want to cry so i’m not gonna detail it...

also: i’m not saying any of this excuses all of his choices, but it does explain them.  

humor:

lowkey a dork

he is. and i love that about him. you can see this in the way he flirts with padme sometimes... like floating the pear to her and the whole “i don’t like sand” thing. he’s a fucking dork. can’t exactly blame him nor do i hold it against him! he didn’t have many close friends growing up and he was like pining for padme for years so it’s not like he spent that time creating a playbook

he’s also witty!

i think this comes with his intelligence; he’s witty and he’s quick. example: “general grievous, you’re shorter than i expected.” i mean he’s no sass-king obi-wan kenobi but anakin definitely can hold his own in a verbal sparring match! 

also i headcanon him as having horrible puns but loving them!

values:

love, friendship, connections

at his core, anakin just wants to find someone who understands him and his emotions. who can relate to him. he wants those connections; in fact, he actively seeks them out. love is a key part of his identity. i talk about this in this post about his love languages so imma just link it there!

success, validation

tying into his determination, anakin wants to do well! he pushes himself and i think he’s a perfectionist, too. you can see this in the way he holds himself as a general; he doesn’t slack off, doesn’t not care. he understands the responsibility he has in that role and he takes it seriously! and just in his overall skill level, even though he was a bit of a child-prodigy, he clearly spent a long time training. he probably also had some imposter syndrome going on and was constantly trying to prove his worth. 

----

uhh yeah i think i got everything?? yes?? he’s so complex and i legit love him immensely. doing character analysis for anakin is my favorite thing in the entire universe! if anyone has anything they want to add, please feel free!!

[catboylupin]

you have rly interesting takes abt wolfstar!! I was wondering if you had any head canons about the Prank like why Sirius did it and what Remus' reaction was?

hello and thank you and i’m So sorry that this has been sitting in my drafts for like Weeks at this point.... i’m physically incapable of doing anything intellectually demanding in a timely matter and this is such a hard topic because, like, i don’t know!! i’m not very well acquainted with the Fandom Mythology surrounding the Prank or the mainstream interpretation of events so i really don’t know what to make of it, especially in terms of sirius’s motivation. here are a few things that i referenced when typing this all out: meta meta/fic fic beautiful art 

the first thing that is interesting to me, and something to keep in the back of our minds when thinking about this, is that when discussing the prank in the shack during PoA, sirius says that “it served [snape] right.” 

also i think that the song hospital by the modern lovers possesses some outstanding post Prank vibes...

ok so re: sirius’s motivation. i don’t know. i think it was a combination of things. i don’t even think that sirius entirely knew why he did it, or what there was to gain. 

i guess the thing to sort out is to what extent sirius factored remus into the equation. was he not thinking about remus at all and how it would affect him and just wanted to hurt snape because he hated him, or was he like “this is for remus and remus will think it’s funny too”?

i think that he felt slightly goaded by snape because snape was being a massive asshole trying to get them expelled, and he also just did not like him at all. like, the most obvious motivation or end goal in sirius telling him is that he just wanted to scare snape so he would leave them alone and also it would be a little funny because hahaha he is a slimey wizard nazi (at age 15/16 do you think sirius would be politically advanced enough to have a ‘punching nazis’ outlook on snape? i don’t know)

and i don’t think that he ever seriously thought that remus would react well (like, how could he? sirius had to have known that remus’s worst fear ever was hurting someone). and he was literally risking the entire school finding out he was a werewolf. but maybe a small part of sirius was like “take that snape!! that’s what you get for bullying my beautiful mysterious friend!! remus will love this lol”

but i think the thing that makes the most sense is that he wasn’t thinking about remus that much and didn’t think he would react well.

and here i where you can start thinking about sirius’s upbringing and how that affected how he viewed werewolves/remus. 

i think that sirius was probably raised surrounded by some pretty intense anti-werewolf beliefs and he dealt with remus being a werewolf by 1. separating remus from the wolf and 2. kind of like romanticizing it. so much of sirius’s attraction to remus stemmed from this sort of fascination.. james was so similar to sirius and generally uncomplicated, but remus, even though he was kind of weird looking, always sort of elicited this morbid curiosity from him. and he saw remus’s lycanthropy as something he could fix, or at least help (see: the animagus thing, my personal headcanon that he was very into taking care of remus during their relationship). remus was his tragic werewolf friend. but remus never thought that sirius understood his lycanthropy the way remus wanted him to, that there was always this sort of tension, a lingering sense of “you think you’re so different from your family, but you’re not really.”  

sirius could have thought that snape actually knew about remus and wanted to make him prove that he knew, like: “sirius, i know what remus’s secret is, hint hint wink wink” “okay, if you really know then go to the shrieking shack,” like snape kind of goaded sirius into telling him, and sirius thought that he would know better. but that is just such a profoundly stupid thing for sirius to do, and i feel like putting too much blame on snape is being too generous to sirius.

leescoresbies has an interesting headcanon that the prank happened around the time sirius ran away from home and he was thus was very emotionally volatile. and so it was in part a result of sirius’s trauma/anger/joy, and i like that idea, those emotions had to have been a factor. and if you are someone that has a really hard time reconciling with sirius’s shitty behavior as a teen, that’s kind of an easy/ canon compliant way of saying “yeah, he was an asshole, but there was also this other thing going on...etc.” however, i don’t think that was the only reason, or even the main reason. i think that sirius is a deeply flawed person and thinking about the prank from the perspective of said flawed-ness makes his and remus’s relationship all the more complicated/interesting. 

and unfortunately a lot of this sort of boils down to whether or not sirius wanted to kill or seriously injure snape. those were the stakes he was dealing with in this situation. i don’t think that sirius wanted to kill him, just because that’s not really the sort of thing teenagers do, you know. and, as further evidenced by how he treated kreacher, sirius doesn’t always treat those he considers lesser than him with any sort of respect. maybe sirius just didn’t care that much about whether or not he died. he knew on an intellectual level that he was sending snape to his likely death, but maybe he just didn’t make that calculation in the moment? like sirius was so used to not facing consequences that maybe he thought things wouldn’t turn out that badly. 

i can understand, maybe, in sirius’s version of events, in his own reckless, teenage narrative, that he thought it would be okay to hurt snape. but remus? did he seriously fail to make the calculation that he would be turning him into a murderer? what sirius did was such a major, major trespass of trust/friendship in a way that is actually sort of unforgivable.

doesn’t sirius say in PoA “i’d rather die than betray my friends!” ? well, he did : / he betrayed remus..

and i think that remus would be massively upset and i don’t think he ever really completely forgave him.

when did this happen? 5th or 6th year? i think that by this time remus would kind of be relegated to a state of melodramatic, shame-ridden misery that came along with being sort of in love with sirius. and so the prank really tore him apart, because of course it would. remus was so used to being defined by his lycanthropy, used to facing discrimination, and his friends were his one refuge from that. but then sirius who he loved used him basically as a means to an end. what sirius did was incredibly exploitative— he exploited remus’s marginalized identity for personal gain without thinking about how it would affect him. and i think that remus really did care about him enough to want to forgive him. he probably felt like he had to forgive him (his friends were too important for him to lose, and, importantly, there was probably this feeling of “i am a werewolf and therefore i need to be extraordinarily forgiving in order to be perceived as non threatening, and this is just how the world treats people like me and i can’t and shouldn’t fight back”). and those are just such deeply fucked up feelings to feel towards a friend, especially one you admire and have a major soul crushing crush on.

i think that there was a period of time after the fact when they weren’t really talking, remus was very rightfully upset, everyone was angry at sirius... i think that sirius apologized, but sort of begrudgingly. because twenty years later he still thought that snape got what he deserved. 

at times i think that remus was someone who saw his relationships as very transactional. and initially he felt in debt to the other marauders because of the animagus thing and just because they were his friends. and, as dear @direwolf-summer said in this post, the prank changed the dynamic between remus and sirius: remus was no longer the one in debt, sirius was. and that is such an interesting point. remus starts demanding more from him and he finally feels that, even though sirius was really popular and closer to james or whatever, they were on even standing. this is how he was able to be more forward about his feelings— sirius stopped being this precious object who demanded endless patience in order to retain as a friend (or so he thought, this is remus’s insecurity showing). he stopped feeling so bad about having a crush on sirius. he’d be like “fuck you sirius. i’m in love with you. deal with it and you have to be nice about it in order to repay your debts.” like  he wouldn’t say that out loud but it would be in his internal monologue and he would kinda hint at it. 

there’s that line in eclipse and transit where remus says: “You say one thing and do another and half the time you don’t even try to say it, it’s like, I don’t know, like you’re daring me to leave. And everything—every single thing Sirius, it all comes back to January of sixth year, whether you’ll ever admit it or not. Or whether you even realize it” and i think it’s fitting. during fights remus probably would bring it up, and sirius would fail to understand why remus never got over it. like, sirius: “i apologized i was 15!!” and remus: “this is bigger than just that, what you did was emblematic of your flaws as a person and how even though you understand me more than almost anyone else you still don’t understand me completely and it frustrates me!!! and also i feel like you never fully understood that what you did was extraordinary fucked up.”

and i think that remus was so in love with sirius that he did forgive him, or otherwise allowed his love and affection to forget about it. but it was always bubbling under the surface...and that’s why their relationship was sort of volatile, that’s why he was so willing to believe that sirius was the spy (as in, “he betrayed me, why wouldn’t he have betrayed james and lily?”)

now i’m remembering when, in one of the snape’s memory /pensieve / flashback scenes in OotP, sirius says “i wish it was the full moon” and remus says, darkly, “you might.” now, we don’t know if that scene takes place before or after the Prank (before probably? idk), but i feel like it further compounds the extent to which sirius seems woefully unaware that remus is a werewolf and it’s not something he can separate from himself and that lycanthropy impacts every facet of his life. sirius came to understand it as just some fun thing to do every month. his sort of ignorance towards other people’s needs and experiences is also further evidenced by how he treated harry like he was james. sirius has a pretty good track record of taking other people’s pain and making into something for him to enjoy. and he doesn’t do so in a way that is entirely selfish either, i think he really thought he was helping harry and remus. maybe it all goes back to his family and childhood trauma or something (doesn’t everything? “it all started one afternoon in the 1960s..”)

[papergirllife]

In The Afterglow

Mark Lee

Smut

warnings: explicit sex, unprotected sex, slight angst (if you squint)

*gif credits to owner 

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You’re one of the lead bakers and barista at SM Town Cafe, which means you see idols on a daily basis, at first the job was a bit overwhelming, seeing some of the celebrities you’ve looked up to at such a close distance, you even made friends with some of them because of your friendly demeanor. Working as a apprentice and part timer here since high school has gave you some recognition among idols. But years have since passed and you were no longer that fresh-eyed little girl, you got a degree at one of France’s best patisserie academies, saved up from all the wages you’ve earned at this very cafe.

You thought nothing much would change other than the higher salary and status, and the responsibility of coming up with new sweet delights, but you were wrong. While you were gone, a birdie named Mark Lee came to Korea to chase his dreams of being an artist. Your arrival back in Korea has changed both his and your lives.

The first time you took his order was when a staff had to leave on EL, so you had to stand in for her coffee making duties. The Mark Lee then was not much different from now, a new debut rookie group’s member, but little did you know his best friend, Donghyuck slipped you Mark’s number after realising how flustered his friend was whenever you took his order.

After an awkward and slightly unintentional first date, there were many more to come. Fast forwarding to the present, you and Mark are still as strong as ever, with a few slight bumps on the way.

You always thought nothing would come between the two of you, until today.

You had baked a cherry pie at home and was hoping to do a taste test with the boys. You walked in their practice room with a smile on your face, excited to know how they would think about your baking.

Your smile and confidence soon disappeared when you saw a female trainee, talking closely to your boyfriend. When he saw you in the mirror, he beckoned you over to introduce you to his ‘friend’.

You could see the dislike etched on the girl’s face as you gave your greetings. Mark’s eyes lit up at the sight of the pie in the container.

“You made pie? Sweet. What pie is it.”

“Cherry, watermelons don’t work well with pie.”

“I still like other fruits, you know. Thanks, Y/N. You’re the best. Hey, Mina, do you want a slice?”

You couldn’t believe it, she was out right flirting at him, the sultry gazes and lingering touches, yet Mark can’t tell, or does he?

You walked away from the two of them, plopping down on the couch with Donghyuck instead while the others start a queue for pie.

“You know she wants your spot right?This has been happening for the past weeks.”

Donghyuck said without looking up from his phone.

“Weeks? Are you for real?”

“Of course I’m serious. I did set the two of you up. I don’t play when it comes to the two of you, I gave birth to this love.”

“Okay, now you’re just being disgusting.”

“On a rather serious note, Y/N. You can tell she’s not going to back down right? That bitchy look on her face when she saw you, pretty on the outside but ugly on the inside still means trash if you ask me.”

You stood up abruptly, remembering your shift starts in 5.

“Just watch over him or her, I don’t care. I have to go now, work’s calling.”

Before Donghyuck could answer you, you left the room in haste and tension-filled silence, leaving your boyfriend confused as ever.

For the whole day, you haven’t really been giving your job a 100% focus, and when the staffs made a mistake you were easily annoyed, everyone could sense something off with their usual bubbly Y/N, but dare not to question. On the other hand you weren’t answering any of Mark’s texts or calls, shutting your phone off, and opting to cook lunch to eat alone hiding behind your office.

You only checked your phone when you clocked off work, seeing around fifty texts and 7 missed calls from Mark alone. For the whole day, Donghyuck’s words repeated in your head like a rebuking mantra, stemming your anger and jealousy. Yes you were jealous, but the anger was at Mark, who was oblivious to her ulterior motives.

You scrolled further down to see a text from Doyoung.

“Dinner at 8, our dorms. You need to work things out with Mark, he wasn’t focusing on practice the whole day.”

You typed back an ‘okay’ and made your way home, preparing yourself for a long night to come.

Dinner with the boys were really tense, you purposely arrived late and you weren’t wearing one of Mark’s hoodies even though that’s what you always do during the chilly seasons. You sat next to Donghyuck and Taeyong, asking about their day and Taeyong’s unreleased singles.

Everyone could tell something was off between the two of you, but when Mark cornered Donghyuck to ask him what happened, Donghyuck only shrugged and said he should’ve known better, further confusing Mark.

After dinner, Ten came over to the 127 dorms, so the attention on you and Mark was shifted else where for now. When you went up to the rooftop alone to escape from reality, that was always a safe place for you in their dorms. Little did you know, Mark saw your retreating figure and excused himself from his hyungs.

“What’s up with you today?”

Mark’s voice was harsh, you would’ve flinched if you hadn’t been through all  those intense years at uni. 

“Nothing’s up. Leave me alone.”

“You were happy when you were talking to Donghyuck and Taeyong hyung. Do you love them instead of me now? Are you cheating on me?!”

“I should be the one asking you that!”

You backed away to leave the rooftop, but Mark’s hand held onto yours, not letting you go.

“What do you mean?”

“Ask your dear Mina! Or whatever name she has. You’re right, maybe Donghyuck would treat me better.”

That was when Mark’s temper snapped, he tossed you over his shoulder, carrying you down the stairs like a mad man into his own room, dumping you on the bed and locking the door.

“Say that again, I dare you.”

“Why do you care? You’re going to leave me for her anyways, she’s younger, she’s prettier, she’s in your line of work. You don’t need me. Do you know how hard it is to accept the fact that you’ll be seeing so many pretty girls on the daily? That there might be one day someone actually manages to steal your heart away from me?”

Mark felt like someone slapped him in the face, you weren’t throwing tantrums, you were genuinely insecure, he could see it now, the way your fingers were moving jittery in your lap, the crease in between your brows. Why is he so dumb?

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way. But you’re wrong, no one can steal me away, you have my heart, only you. and always will be. I’m so hooked on you, it’s like nicotine, so addictive.”

Mark said as he placed your hand on his beating heart, his eyes full of sincerity and love.

“Let me show you how much I love you and how I’m a fiend for you.”

Mark pulled you close and started leaving kisses on your neck, his teeth sinking deep to blossom flowers on your neck, his hands going beneath your shirt, caressing your stomach, you could feel butterflies erupting at every touch of his, your head in a drunk haze.

Your hands are wrapped around his nape, fingers playing gently at the hair that grew after his last trim, just the way you like it. Your back arches into his touch, wanting to feel the warmth radiating off his torso and chest. Mark loves the feeling of your breasts pressed up against his chest, but the clothing separating the two of you was starting to annoy him.

“Strip, princess.”

You knew things were about to get heated whenever he called you by that name. You quickly unbuttoned your blouse, letting it fall off your shoulders. Goosebumps rising from the cold. You could see Mark’s eyes taking in your newly exposed skin, his length growing at the sight.

Mark reached behind you to unclasp your bra, his hands hurriedly skimmed back to the front of your body, like a hot trail igniting on your cold skin, he cupped both your breasts in his hands, groping them in both gentle and harsh touches, just the way you enjoy it.

You felt left out, seeing Mark still being fully dressed in front of you, so you batted your eyes at him while tugging at his shirt, he was always a sucker for your puppy eyes and pouty lips. When Mark realised what were your intentions, he obliged to your request, taking off his shirt. He took your hands in his and guided them onto his abs, skimming down till the waistband of his sweats.

“You know what to do, princess.”

You pressed your hand against his boner, before skimming back up to feel his rock hard abs, your fingers tracing the ripped lines, then coming back down to take off his pants, tossing it on the floor along with his boxers. You lower down onto Mark’s lap, his holding onto his thighs for balance as your mouth sinks down on his cock, starting from the tip, slowly taking more into your mouth, one of your hands wrap around his length where your mouth couldn’t reach. Your head bopping up and down Mark’s length was a view to Mark, and the way your tongue laps up his pre cum rather harshly and desperate has his toes curling in pleasure, your name leaving his mouth in a breathless mantra, encouraging you to take more of him.

As Mark is nearing his high, he bunches up your hair and thrusts up your mouth sloppily, his tip hitting the back of your throat and closing up your airway, making you choke. Mark never said it aloud in fear of being deemed as weird, but he really enjoys the sight of you choking on his cock for air.

“You take my cock so well, princess. I’m going to cum inside your pretty mouth, swallow for me like the good princess you are okay?”

You tried your best to nod while sucking at Mark’s cock, you pushed yourself higher to release most of his length, leaving the head in your mouth, you sucked at his tip and licked the slit on his cock while your hands groped at Mark’s balls. Mark swore a string of profanities before cumming in your mouth, his load warm and heavy on your tongue, just as he asked, you swallowed every last drop of his essence, a little drip left on your chin.Mark wiped it away with his finger only to put the finger back into your mouth.

“Every drop, princess.”

You could see Mark’s usual round carefree eyes darken with lust when you swiped your tongue against his finger, jaw clenched and eyes fixated at your every action. Mark took off your pants and panties in one go, his hands quick to get rid of every article of clothing on your body.

“All fours, princess. Ass up.”

You quickly reposition yourself on his bed, your ass swaying slightly to get his attention. Mark let out a light chuckle at your actions, his hands spanking one of your ass cheeks lightly.

Mark coated his length in your wetness, sliding in between your inner thighs. You could feel Mark’s cock jerking when you close your thighs.

“Now you’re just asking for it, princess.”

Mark thrusts his length in one go, filling you up to the brim. He didn’t give you any time to adjust before pulling out and thrusting back into you. Mark’s hands were attached to your cheeks, his fingers digging into your flesh.

“Fuck, Mark.”

“Can Donghuck fuck you this good, princess? Or Taeyong hyung? Answer me!”

Mark demanded as he pulls your head back with his hand wrapped around your throat. You could barely think properly from the way he’s fucking you, but you wish to please him, it’s what you strive for whenever the both of you have it rough like this, his dominant self reeling out your submissive behaviour.

“No! Just you.”

Your vision blurred as tears started to form from the excessive pleasure you were receiving, toes curled and hands grasping onto Mark’s sheets. The only thing that your brain registered was the way Mark hits your sweet spot over and over again as your mouth spills out Mark’s name in moans and whines, like a mantra, melody to Mark’s ears.

When you were nearing your high, Mark lifts up one of your legs onto his shoulder to bend your body lower into the bed as he fucks into you from a higher angle, this enabling him to reach deeper into your core.

By this point, you weren’t even speaking anymore, you were screaming like a mad woman, the pleasure over writing any other thing you felt, as you scream into Mark’s bed, the bed muffling most of the noises you’re making.

When one of Mark’s hand reached in between your bodies to rub circular motions on your clit, the coil in your belly snapped, the pleasure from Mark’s hand was the last drop that made the dam break. Your back arched up, as you let out a scream of Mark’s name, not a care in the world if anyone heard you.

Mark gives a few last sloppy thrusts before he spills his load into you, warm white streaks painting your insides, the hand holding onto your ass will probably leave crescent marks of his nails, but you didn’t care, you love admiring them whenever you undress.

The two of you are covered in sweat as Mark crashed on the bed, taking him into your arms, cuddling together, his cock still softening inside you, but you enjoy it, the feeling being so intimate, and the both of you rarely had time for these things.

“Thank you, princess.”

“Mhm, welcome.”

Mark was about to move but you stopped him, holding him tighter in your embrace, craving for his warmth and touch after shutting him out for so long.

“Stay. Don’t move. I want to stay like this for the night.”

“Anything you want, princess.”

Mark said as he kissed your forehead, before closing his eyes, basking in the afterglow.

[dreamingofscully]

6x12. “One Son” (part 2 of 2) - X-Files Rewatch

“Mulder, this stinks, and not just because I think that woman is a... well, I think you know what I think that woman is.” - Scully “No. Actually, you hide your feelings very well.” - Mulder

I found a few things really strange about this episode, so get ready for a deep dive into speculation in order to explain them! (*grumble* stupid mythology episodes)

Also, I apologize (#sorrynotsorry) for my use of caps-lock/bold on this post. I feel very emotional about a lot of things. That doesn’t make this series of episodes good, though, it just makes me have to WORK.

Long LONG post/analysis.

Decon shower. 😲

This joint decon shower is meant to humiliate Scully, to make her feel vulnerable and out-of-sorts. It kinda works. If I didn’t already hate Diana I’d definitely want to murder her after what she does here. 

Scully can’t see much, but Mulder sees quite a bit. It doesn’t really matter that Mulder is there. She trusts him absolutely. It’s her AUTONOMY about it that gets to her, and her suspicions about Diana’s motives. 

With this episode being on the cusp in a change in their relationship, this whole thing is awkward. If they merely felt like friends towards one another, they could laugh it off, but their intense feelings add an extra layer of vulnerability for the both of them (but especially Scully because she is more exposed than Mulder, and he doesn’t particularly care about nudity). You notice the rest of the episode she’s wearing stuff that has more coverage - a turtleneck when she confronts Mulder about Diana, a high-necked shirt in the office with Kersh. She’s definitely feeling more vulnerable.  😕

When Diana comes in - Scully is PISSED. The whole decon procedure is SUSPICIOUS AS FUCK and Scully knows it. 

If they were really concerned about them having contracted some suspicious organism they’d be in quarantine instead of interacting normally with Diana and the other people in the room. You’d need time to test to make sure Mulder and Scully didn’t have whatever organism that Diana claims Cassandra was infected with. Even if you couldn’t test for it, because it was unknown, you’d ISOLATE Mulder and Scully for at least a few weeks.

The ONLY REASON to do all this bullshit is to separate Cassandra. That Mulder can’t see this, won’t take Scully’s word that something is VERY WRONG, must be incredibly frustrating.

Mulder-before-Scully would have trusted the words of a stranger making these excuses because he was a lot more gullible and willing to trust others who gave him a convenient story.

Current Mulder would be more skeptical, and more importantly, would LISTEN TO SCULLY. EXCEPT ITS DIANA FOWLEY. He trusts her without question because of their history, because he believes she loved him, and that is such a RARE experience for him. He loved her too, at one point, and ACTIVELY works to disbelieve any evidence that contradicts his beliefs. He can’t handle yet ANOTHER person betraying him.

Scully is hurt because she doesn’t know this history, doesn’t know that Mulder feels this way, that he is so blinded by his need to believe that she hasn’t betrayed him - THAT HE DOESN’T TRUST HER.

Scully goes to the Gunmen’s again to find out more info about Fowley. She KNOWS Diana is dirty, but she only has her instincts screaming at her, not any proof. She needs to get it, so Mulder will listen and work with her - because he seems unwilling to trust her otherwise. I think she understands that, despite being hurt by it. (Especially since this mirrors their own investigations on the X-Files. Scully won’t believe Mulder without proof, but at least she listens to him, and has learned to listen to his instincts.)

The stuff Scully finds is suspicious, but not conclusive on its own. With her own instincts about Diana, and everything else she’s seen, it’s enough to bring to Mulder though.

Mulder would find it difficult to believe any evidence pointing towards Diana’s guilt. But this is SCULLY. He is initially resistant, cruel in his dismissal of her claims, but he goes to investigate Diana anyway. He has his back up from the start, stubbornly determined not to believe no matter what Scully shows him.

Scully’s beliefs, her distrust, her instincts ARE NOT ENOUGH and this hurts. Coupled with her concerns that Mulder doesn’t completely trust her anymore (The Beginning), this brings back all of her insecurities. She thought things were getting better between them, that they were starting to get back on track, but this makes her think - Can it ever go back to the way it was?

Mulder is determined to believe that Diana is innocent because the alternative is that maybe she never loved him? His life has been so full of manipulative, distant people, that he wants to hold on to the idea that Diana loved him unconditionally, that there was something to their relationship, that he is CAPABLE of having a relationship. Even though his history with Diana pales in comparison to the feelings he has for Scully, his inability to have a normal relationship with ANYONE would make him doubt his ability to do so in the future.

It is only when Scully threatens to leave that he looks into her suspicions for himself. The only thing more unbearable would be to lose her.

Much like Scully being blinded to the truth, to the paranormal, Mulder is blind when it comes to this person. It stems from them both fearing the implications of that belief. For Scully, it’s about not being able to explain the unknown, of having to face unexplainable things without having the bedrock of her science to conquer her fears about them. For Mulder, it’s about his internal struggle with himself - his fear of losing Scully because he can never be good enough, never give her what she wants because he is incapable of a normal relationship.

Scully points out how convenient it is that DIana showed up right at this moment. Not only is her task to separate Mulder from Scully but to distract him from the work and destroy the X-Files without his interference. All the little things add up to Diana’s duplicity. Mulder has made up his mind about cases on far less evidence. But he is blind when it comes to Diana, and that is WHY she was brought back by CSM, why she is interfering now.

The LGM are disappointed in Mulder. While they don’t have Scully’s instincts about people, they trust her. They can connect the dots with the evidence already uncovered. Something IS strange, and it’s Mulder who seems determined to NOT believe this time, no matter what he’s shown. That Scully and Mulder have a very personal and uncharacteristic fight in front of them would make them uncomfortable and protective of Scully over what they see as a pretty cruel dismissal of her claims by Mulder. (I want to see some LGM post-OS fanfic pls.)

“Because there's nothing to be done. And at some point, you just have to accept that the only way those you love are going to survive is if you give up.” - Mulder

Why would Mulder choose to save himself over the world, over resistance and fighting to save it? Seems like he’s given up, that he is willing to go to the hangar with Diana and Scully. Also, why isn’t he more upset about Diana knowing CSM? He’s still blinded, desperately believing CSM that he was looking for his son. It is so frustrating how he is able to turn a blind eye to all the evidence pointing to her guilt - but perhaps it is just that irrationality about it that makes it all the more believable. Diana is his Achilles Heel, and that is the reason she’s here.

Diana kisses him, but he doesn’t kiss her back. Perhaps he was wondering if he still had feelings for her, or if it was just the memories? Or maybe he thinks he can’t have Scully, so perhaps he is meant to be with Diana? Either way, he knows he doesn’t love her anymore, he can’t pretend, he’s meant to suffer unrequited love, live a lonely existence (see “The Field Where I Died”).

His surrender to the belief that he doesn’t have any choices left seems so out of character here, such a dramatic change from his usual self. I talk more about this issue at the end of this post.

Scully gets Mulder to do the right thing, not just the easy, self-serving one. In this case, it is only because he can’t leave her, he can't save himself if Scully's not there with him. She is his conscience, the agent for good. Mulder is the call to action, but without Scully his decisions have no good purpose or direction.

Badass agents shooting at the train. ❤️ Grabbing her arm to pull her from the tracks.

I assume they discuss things on the way to the train yard and while waiting for Skinner. I don’t think they resolve much, though, since they still seem distant with one another at the end of the episode. They end up going to the hangar and seeing the destruction, despite Scully’s skepticism about the whole story, about not having a choice in the fate of the world. She doesn’t go because she gives up, like Mulder, but because she believes that is where they are taking Cassandra. I think it disturbs Scully to see Mulder surrendering to fate so easily, giving up.

ALSO - think about what Mulder told her how he came about hearing this information. He RAN INTO CSM AT DIANA’S. BUT HE STILL THINKS SHE’S INNOCENT. Scully must be incredibly frustrated at this point. I think her body language in the meeting with Kersh shows that she’s not happy with Mulder.

Scully’s “Sir, I wouldn't bet against him.”

Despite her anger, she’ll always have his back.

Is it assumed Diana and CSM are dead as well (for the moment at least)? Otherwise I’d assume Diana would be at the meeting. Mythology episodes make my head hurt.

***

Here’s a bit of a deep dive. I can understand Mulder’s actions re: Diana fairly well, but I struggled to understand why he so easily gives up after hearing CSM’s story.

CSM’s plan started back at the end of season 5. Mulder and Scully are stronger than ever, and they are closer than ever to the truth. Diana is brought back by CSM to create tension with the end goal of separating Mulder and Scully and causing Mulder to give up. He KNOWS Mulder needs Scully. The plan is fairly successful, and the distance between Mulder and Scully reaches its peak in this episode. All of the evidence stacking up against Diana isn’t enough to cause Mulder to be suspicious of her, which confuses and hurts Scully. Diana counts on the deception and manipulations she's built up with Mulder (now and in their past) to discount anything Scully says against her, to cause Mulder to react negatively to protect his view of her.

The distance and tension in Mulder and Scully’s relationship, as well as separating Mulder from his work, prepares him for the final blow - a story that leaves Mulder feeling hopeless. When Cassandra and CSM tell him their stories about the fate of the world, he is ready to believe in them, to give up and think he has no choice except to follow their direction. He has no rudder, with Scully being out of the picture, no one to tell him that this decision is the WRONG one.

It is Mulder’s distance from Scully (physically and emotionally) that causes him to make all these bad decisions. Scully has always pushed him to do what is right, even if it's difficult. You see this repeated later when CSM messes with Mulder’s brain. She also gives him hope, a belief that TOGETHER they can do anything. When things aren’t great between them, Mulder feels helpless.

After this episode, he's saved, somewhat, by the return of his work and the re-strengthening of his relationship with Scully, but he also seems more apathetic. They go to Florida only because Arthur Dales needs help (“Agua Mala”), Mulder is forced into an X-File in “Monday”, and SCULLY is the one that initiates their first official case (“Arcadia”). His fears about the fate of the world continue, thread their way deep into his mind. His apprehension about what terrible thing is coming because he doesn't deserve to be happy (he has the X-Files back, but does it matter?). 

This lays the groundwork for depression, which I believe Mulder goes through in season 7 after his brain gets tinkered with. I’ll get into more of that later. (Though I do make the implication in my fic “Momentum” if you haven’t read it. I think many people thought that the Mulder I wrote was being an asshole for no good reason, which wasn’t my intention, but perhaps this will give you a different perspective!)

[onceuponakdrama]

True Beauty KDrama Review

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Bingo Card For True Beauty

Synopsis: Im Joo Kyung is a high schooler who is upbeat and positive about most things, except for her appearance! She hates the idea of being seen in public without makeup, but fortunately has become a self-taught makeup expert, with a little help from a plethora of internet video tutorials. What she has learned online has transformed her life. At school, she is known as one of the prettiest girls in class, although she secretly lives in fear of her schoolmates discovering what she looks like behind the makeup. In fact, there is only one person from school who has ever seen her minus her “mask” – Lee Su Ho. He is a top-grade student with impressive basketball skills. He is also dashingly handsome, and many of his female classmates have a crush on him. However, Lee Su Ho harbors a few dark secrets from his past, and shuns attention in class. Slowly, these two individuals become drawn together and learn more about one another’s secrets. 

Overall Main Plot: Rating - 8 out of 10 

Personally speaking, I really like dramas that center on the conception of beauty (although it is problematic because she IS pretty and it’s seen without her makeup, but like whatever I guess). I think the main thing that drew me to this point was the fact that insecurity is a big thing in this drama and watching the main lead (Ju Kyung) progress over time and grow more confident with her bare face, along with making real friends who don’t judge her from her face alone. Since that’s the main plot that drives the story, there were a couple of points that threw me off. 

High School Dramatics - maybe it’s because I’m older, but there were so many high school antics that were happening. I understand that, in Korea especially, there’s the issue of high school bullying but it was just so... dramatic. Especially with how Ju Kyung was being discovered as... ugly? I don’t even know if that’s how I would describe it. Although, I do understand that these characters are young, but the dramatics of it all in high school was more funny than annoying for me. 

Trauma - one thing that I felt needed to be addressed more was the trauma, especially Suho’s because homeboy has been through a lot. What I appreciated was the representation of him having a panic attack, but that was the only time it was addressed that he’s developed a lot of psychological issues. Obviously, Ju Kyung also has psychological issues due to her insecurity and her mother (until the end-ish when her mom found out that Ju Kyung was getting bullied, but again, a WHOLE different story). I just felt like there was less closure about these things and I really hoped that Suho would get the help he needed after everything he’s been through. 

Characters: Rating - 9 out of 10 

↣ Lim Ju Kyung [played Moon Gayoung] - wowowowow. I absolutely loved her character and her character development. She was the stereotypical female lead, but she’s absolutely precious and watching her grow as a person was so satisfying. I felt for her so much because she’s gone through so much and that’s impacted the way she’s viewed life and I just wanted her to be happy. I ultimately give her a lot of credit for trying to move on from Suho though and knowing where she wants to take her life (especially after dealing with all the heartbreak). The only real problem I had with her was her center on romance even though she couldn’t even get her grades up, but also like... it’s a romance drama, what was I supposed to expect? But she did have her own interests (make-up, horror comics, etc.) and her own personality to things. Overall, I thought she’s a great female lead and she’s absolutely precious. 

↣ Lee Suho [played by Cha Eunwoo] - okay, he’s also precious. It took a bit for me to warm up to him, but after seeing what he’s been through, I get why he would keep his distance from others. What I didn’t like was the fact that he broke up with her and then comes out of nowhere, which then he proceeds to take a longer time to apologize to her for even though he could have just... texted her, called her, something. He acted like nothing happened when he was the one who broke up with her (for a good reason, but it was still stupid to have a break up sequence that felt unnecessary). Anyways, I did like his development and how he came to mend things with Seojoon and it didn’t ruin their friendship. I also liked how he grew to have an interest towards creating music, especially after what happened with Seyeon. There was also his relationship with his father, but it was still unclear as to what happened after his mother died. But yeah, he’s also another precious bean and Suho and Ju Kyung are a great couple. 

↣ Han Seojoon [played by Hwang Inyup] - second lead syndrome hit real hard here. His character is so great, probably because he’s the soft bad boy that everyone dreams of having. I didn’t like him at first because he pushed all his anger and frustration onto Suho and tried to use Ju Kyung as a way to hurt Suho. However, he grew to understand what actually happened and also, the way he cares for his family is super cute. His friend group is also super cute because they look like a bunch of gangsters when they’re just a bunch of idiots.Again, I noted this with Suho, but when the two made up and became friends again, even though they liked the same girl... Love, love, love. Obviously, he’s also super handsome and had so many chaotic, but iconic, scenes. His character is just so great. He was casted so well and your heart hurts when you look at him. 

↣ Kang Soojin [played by Park Yoona] - okay, Soojin [episodes 1 to 9] is the best. She was so iconic and such a girl crush. After that? So far downhill that she doesn’t get recovered until the last episode. The writers did her so dirty and that’s a hill I will die on. Lowkey, Soojin and Ju Kyung should’ve gotten together but they didn’t because this is not a girl love drama and that was a major missed opportunity. Anyways, while I hated her as a second female lead, I understood her motives, in the sense of the household she was growing up in. This was important because of her character development when she apologized to Ju Kyung and realized her mistakes. It also wasn’t just out of the blue; it was a slow progression that built up to the climax and it was absolutely heartbreaking to watch because Ju Kyung and Soojin lost a best friend. But yeah, the writers did her dirty and I was crying on the inside when they made her a second female lead, when they could’ve just made Ju Kyung fall for her instead. 

Personal Notes: A major strength of this drama is the character development, for all of them. Watching them grow from their problems was so satisfying and the only reason it got docked off a point is the fact that the writers did Kang Soojin so goddamned dirty and her redemption was saved for episode 16 and I will always be angry about it. They also made Seojoon to be a more sad character who didn’t get the girl, but notes about the drama compared to the webtoon will be made in a later section. 

Romance: Rating - 9 out of 10 

I actually really liked the main couple. It was clear there was chemistry and, while I didn’t really like Suho trying to blackmail her, it was also kind of sweet because he just wanted to spend more time with her and she was just.... so dense. While Seojoon provided hard SLS, I liked Suho with Ju Kyung better because he’s seen her at a low point and so has she and they both try to support each other. They were really cute together too, especially since they spent a lot of time at the comic shop because of their aligned interest of horror comics and then they would go to the movies too to watch, even though Suho is scared. I think my favorite scene is when he took her to see Selena and she visibly brightened up. The only reason it isn’t 10 out of 10 is the one scene where Suho was jealous about Seojoon and was super possessive, but he also apologized and admitted his mistake. There was that and also the break-up, which, again, wasn’t really necessary but for the sake of the drama, it had to be there. 

Second Plot/B-Plot and Secondary Characters: Rating - 10 out of 10

Okay, first things first: Hee Kyung and Mr. Han are the cutest couple in this drama. I looked forward to seeing their romance progress more compared the main couple, primarily because they were not the standard couple we see in kdramas. The traditional gender roles were switched with Hee Kyung pursuing Mr. Han and I ate it all up because they are just super cute. Anyways, I think the secondary characters really did a great job of amping up the main plot and the romance, which is the whole point of these characters. I really didn’t like the mom, but it did transition to a better mother-daughter relationship (even though it happened near towards the end). The villainous characters got what was coming to them; the actors made me hate their characters really easily and it was amazing how upset I got at the bullies and when they got beat up, I was laughing on the floor. Again, the secondary characters really complemented the main characters and overall plot line. 

Additional Notes: 

Comparisons to the Webtoon - they really did manage to make this a kdrama. If you’re a fan of the webtoon, there are clear differences that make this a stereotypical kdrama, but (personally) I think it worked fairly well. This also meant major changes to a lot of what happened in the webtoon, so it felt so... interesting. The drama and the webtoon each have their strong points, so, while they stem from the same plot line, it was interesting to see the different routes it took. 

Bromance - Jesus Christ, I LOVED the Suho x Seojoon bromance. It was so nice to see their friendship mended and how they didn’t let romance break their bond. A lot of people talk about the bromance in this drama and it’s actually worth it. There wasn’t just the bromance between those two, but also Seojoon’s friend group, there was also Taejoon and Suho, and there was also Ju Kyung’s younger brother and Suho. It was all so great. 

The Conception of Beauty - okay, this is a major problem in a lot of Korean beauty standards, but like.... Ju Kyung isn’t ugly. I think a lot of people can agree that the whole, pimple face + glasses combo is kind of old. Compared to My ID is Gangnam Beauty (completely different dramas, but still centered on the theme of conceptualized beauty), they didn’t show the face of the “ugly” main character and I really appreciated that because it meant that the main lead perceived it as ugly rather than putting the face of “ugliness” on her. But, I really do like that the drama itself is centered on self-confidence of her bare-face, but... everyone was making it seem like she was really ugly, but like.... come on. 

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10

Recommended? 

↣ Yes: it’s a youth/school drama (most of the time), so if you’re into that, I would recommend it. Again, one of the strengths of the drama is character development and growth. Another reason to recommend this drama is that the main female lead is very lovable and you always root for her and for things to go well for her because of all the shit she’s been through. There’s also the whole concept of self-confidence, which she gains, and it’s an overall satisfying drama to watch. 

↣ No: if you’re a webtoon fan, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it because it definitely strays from the original idea and that’s a bit off-putting to some people. This drama also has hard SLS, so if you don’t wanna have your heart broken, not recommended. They also talk about suicide and if the topic is triggering, you shouldn’t watch it. There’s also the annoying beauty standard that makes the main lead ugly and, if you’re the type to be annoyed at that, this isn’t a drama for you. 

[dndhomebrewguy]

My Thoughts on Creating a Villain

Hello, everyone! I hope you're staying safe and washing both your hands and assholes because hygiene and quarantine and all that. This post is going to be a little different, so bear with me. No magic item, no subclass, no homebrew period. So, in the games I run, I've been slowly expanding my horizons to new territories I never really explored in my first ever D&D campaign. The first game was very cut and dry. A real "Good vs Evil" thing, which is fine and dandy if you want a story like that, but I'm one to want more complication than that. However, what's a "Good vs Evil" story without a good villain? I want to take you through my process of developing, planning for, and the actual implementation of villains in your D&D or any other ttrpg game you play/run.

Firstly, what is "evil"? Evil is a concept, yes, but what does that mean? Most people define evil as something objectively bad. Thanos throwing Gamora off the cliff was an evil thing, right? To me, evil is defined as something that causes tribulation. An action that someone takes that leads to suffering and pain. However, I try not to write something as "evil" and I don't think you should either. No person is evil, just as no person is good. It's simply people making evil decisions and good decisions. Evil should not be the basis for your villain. Evil is not a trait.

That lacks depth. That lacks imagination. Plain and simple.

Rather, evil is an action. Someone intervening or setting events into motion for the purpose of harm and suffering. These are 100% the easiest villains to write. People who cause suffering for the sake of suffering, a la the Joker. Much like MK11's Raiden, if you have altruism in mind, but resort to dark and violent methods to achieve that goal, are you really evil when compared to someone like the Joker? If I make you a sandwich, but accidentally poison it (fuckin somehow), thus leading to your death and the emotional suffering of your entire family, am I evil? What if I meant to poison you? Most people would consider that an evil action and I agree.

You want some of that tasty density? That moist character? Make a character. The first thing I always do is build as if I will play this character in a campaign. A paragon of good and light; someone almost incorruptible and then just fuck them up. As mentioned previously, no one is born evil and those traits most found in what is traditionally "evil" are learned. Selfishness, fear, anger, resentment; all of those one games from the experiences they've been through. Negative experiences can brew negative thoughts, which can brew negative actions.

Your hero should have a few things in mind. First being the things they hold close to them both tangible and intangible. Family, beliefs, ideals, etc; the things that this person believes makes them unique. Second should be ambitions and goals. What is this person's greatest desire? What does this person consider their life's work? Thirdly should be their fears. What do they not like and what do they fear would happen if they don't reach their goal?

Finally, begin adding cause and effect. What events transpire to make them snap? How do you corrupt the incorruptible? Chain reactions. I'll take you through an example of one of my earliest villains.

Dairo Cysterik is a blue dragonborn noble of the now fallen country of Dwendalos. A prodigy in the magic stemming from his bloodline, he went to the best schools and got the best education possible. What he holds close to him is family; the notion of the unbroken bond himself, his sisters, and his parents share. His father is stern yet soft, his mother is a kind gentle woman, his sisters are young and innocent pranksters. He loves his family and his family love him. His goals are bettering the country. He knows that he is destined for the throne, that he will root out the underbelly of crime that plagues most of the cities and shine a light in the ugly dark. His father did it, his father's father did it, now he will do it. He will be the good king that his father was. Lastly, his fear is failure and what will happen if he doesn't succeed. What if he introduces policies that the people don't like and what if the crime bosses outsmart him and are always one step ahead of him? He has often lost sleep over this.

Now how do we vilify this paragon of good? I shall answer my question with another question: what can make a paragon turn to darkness? Evil actions are most often caused by forces one cannot control, stemming from things like desperation or insecurity or jealousy or fear. Thanos saw the resources and population of his planet be ravaged by overcrowding and it was his fear of this happening again that led to him being the antagonist. Sandman had an ill daughter on her deathbed and it was his desperation to help her that led to him becoming a villain. You get me yet?

In the case of Dairo Cysterik, he faces fear at every turn. He's the insecure son of Raxan the Great and is forced to live in that image and is terrified of the massive throne he will one day sit in. He knows that it's inevitable and it terrifies him. Even more so, he has been publicly asked about his leanings with the policies currently in place that his father said in and his allegiance is to the various factions of the city and felt he should say his genuine opinion. That led to an outing with his family where he was publically attacked by a handful of citizens, savagely beating him because of differing political views. This was his first snap. He wanted to help these people. Why did they hurt him, almost beat him to death?

He sits on these feelings for a while and does not appear in the public eye, even going so far as to isolate himself lavish parties that he used to enjoy. Alone and confused, he cries before picking himself up and heading down into the party, where he overhears his father speaking about him, saying how his son is unfit to rule and how he fears for how his son will act. This is his second snap. His own father doesn't trust him with the life he wants him to lead. He begins resenting his father and begins getting delusions hatred towards him that doesn't exist. If his father thinks these things about him, everyone must. However, he pushes these feelings down, understands they are most likely the result of paranoia. Months later, the castle gets broken in and Dairo is killed by an assassin. His father thinks the commotion and runs to his room just as Dairo gets attacked. Dairo watches his father watch in horror, doing absolutely nothing as Dairo is killed. Of course, he is revived in a way. What runs through the mind of Dairo? Paranoia, hatred, anger; his father watched him die, did nothing to stop this death. It never crossed our villains mind that his father might have been stunned with fear, no; all that consumes our villain's mind is the hatred and the betrayal he feels. This is his final snap. He wanted vengeance. The greatest friend and the worst enemy of the villain is a skewed concept of what they want and how the world is. Especially in regards of how they're going to deal with it.

That is a very long example of how I created the villain. One thing you have to keep in mind is that anyone can become a villain. Paladins become death knights, wizards become liches, and kings become tyrants. All it takes to turn a man into a villain is cause and effect. Take everything someone loves from them and leave them with nothing and they lose what made them human. Having too much it's the same as having nothing at all. Take what a person loves away from them and there will be no lengths a person will not go to to get that back in whatever way they can. To what lengths will the villain go? What will the villain sacrifice along the way? What will they do to achieve this? Anyone can become a villain with pain, a skewed view, and motivation. That, to me, is what makes a villain.

[getoffthesoapbox]

[VKM Spec] Vivisecting VKM 13

Whelp, this chapter is a quintessential case of the old adage “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” Nothing like being handed everything I ever wanted plot progression-wise on a silver platter for the small upfront price of the last shred of integrity of the only character I still enjoyed. A faustian bargain if ever I saw one. Bad form, Hino, bad form.

For a great many reasons, it’s taken me this long to be able to address this chapter. I’m not sure how this post is going to go; I’m constantly vacillating between frustration, contempt, disdain, disgust, dismay, disappointment, detachment, self-mockery, and rage when I think about this chapter. I’ve lost all respect for Zero, and despite what happened this chapter Yuuki continues to fail to return to my good graces and my sympathy for her is all played out. All I’m left with is a deep sense of awe that a single creator is capable of destroying such a promising work with such brutal efficiency no matter what opportunities to salvage it come her way. It’s truly a wonder. 

The two prelude posts I wrote to help contextualize my review can be found here and here. If you haven’t read the chapter yet, a variety of scanlations are floating around the corners of the internet. Pick any one of them--they’re all roughly equivalent, give or take a line or two. Otherwise, let’s begin this debacle.

Note to the perpetually offended: This post is pure “zeki criticism” and I have tagged it as such for your convenience. Please blacklist accordingly or block my account to preserve your sanity and my patience. I’ve also tagged it “anti ky” for the sensitives from the other camp.

The Curious Case of Kiryuu Zero

Before I attempt to tackle this behemoth of a chapter, I want to address something first. My disappointment in this chapter isn’t due to the narrative or the reasons behind why the events unfold as they do--everything is completely within the realm of possibility as far as narrative trajectory goes. My disappointment stems from a more meta source: Zero as a character should be better than the behavior he displays this chapter. 

I understand why Hino has placed Zero in the position he’s in this chapter. There are various compelling reasons for allowing events to unfold the way they have, and I’ll get into them at the end of this post. 

However, as a reader who has been rooting for Zero’s happiness for nearly as long as the series has been running, I’m deeply, deeply disappointed in both Hino and in Zero, more so than in any chapter previously. Kaname behaving like a sex-starved potential abuser is one thing, but Zero behaving in the same manner is inexcusable and intolerable. 

Let me put this in context. When Zero was 14 he held off becoming a vampire despite the damage it did to his body. When Zero was 17, he bit Yuuki once in the midst of his first bloodlust and became suicidal over it. Even when Zero was falling to Level E, his bites were always restrained and controlled. This is Zero as a young vampire and a young man, a time period where one might expect him to have little self-control, especially given the circumstances. Even at this age and with everything against him and at arguably the worst point in his vampiric development (before he’d been stabilized by his brother and the myriad Purebloods he drinks throughout the series), he still behaved better than he does in VKM 13′s final scene.

Never once in the original series does he waste Yuuki’s blood. Never once does he gratuitously bite her all over her body, splattering blood everywhere like it’s worthless to him and like he’s entitled to do with it as he pleases. Zero has never been this kind of character. Yes, he’s a flawed person who bottles things up and gets angry over things. Yes, his pride gets him into trouble. Yes, he makes snap decisions that are at times detrimental to the people he loves. But he has never, ever, be the type of man to callously brush aside the woman he loves, not even when he declared them enemies. 

Yet here we have him now, not only callously pushing aside her worries and fears, but wasting her blood and biting her gratuitously just because he can and she lets him. The whole business is beneath him, and it flies in the face of all his development over the course of both series. It is a regression of a sort that is incomprehensible given even at his “worst,” he was always better than this. I’m completely flabbergasted by Hino feeling the need to drag him down to Kaname’s level like this when there are plenty of more in-character methods to show his jealousy of Yuuki’s attachment to Kaname and his own insecurities without resorting to turning him into the very person who destroyed his life. 

My fear with what Hino has done with Zero this chapter is that she’s seeking to tarnish him in order to escape having to hold Yuuki (and by proxy Kaname) accountable for their actions throughout the story. Moreover, Zero’s actions this chapter actually render him unpalatable to me as a reader. I’m no longer rooting for him. I’m rooting for him to get his shit together, to apologize for once in his life, and to move on with his life, but I’m not rooting for him to get a happily ever after. As far as I’m concerned, he no longer deserves it.

This isn’t about what Yuuki deserves per se, because she deserves whatever grave she’s dug for herself based on her own actions. My anger and disappointment are about how Zero should be better than this, and for the entirety of the story has been better than this. Before sinking to this level, he should have left Yuuki and broken off the relationship, and the fact that Hino won’t let him leave Yuuki shows she no longer has a good grasp on what this character’s main motivations even are. 

I sure hope Hino knows what she’s doing with this, because if she keeps writing Zero and Yuuki’s story the way she has been, she’s going to lose everything this last chance to right the wrongs of the original series has given to her. And she’s going to get cut. Again. Readers don’t trust her anymore, and VKM 13 is exactly why. 

What Lies Unspoken

So much for a sex scene. =P As expected, the continuation of VKM 12′s blood forcefeed is for Zero to deflect and get Yuuki’s mind off whatever was going on in VKM 12.

This first scene of VKM 13 in isolation is a wonderful scene, full of interesting subtext. Were it not for the final three pages of the chapter, I would have been completely satisfied with how this chapter unfolds--it’s right on track for the narrative trajectory I’m expecting. Unfortunately, the last three pages do happen, and those pages reflexively tarnish this scene in retrospect. We’ll get to all that at the end, though. For now, I’ll just take this scene as it is.

I do have to gloat for a minute, but goodness--what an extensive bed scene for a non-sexualized moment. =P Hino devoted far more panels to this scene than she ever devoted to Kaname and Yuuki’s sex scene or their post-coital scene. It’s quite amusing, and a bit gratifying after having to wait for so long for anything remotely similar. But that’s neither here nor there.

There is a lot of subtext going on in this scene, and the surface text has absolutely nothing to do with what’s actually going on with these characters. I’ll start with the surface read, and then we’ll delve into what’s actually going on.

Surface Layer: The surface layer read is fairly straight forward. Zero asks Yuuki what’s wrong, Yuuki talks about her worries concerning the Vampire King and the acceptance of Purebloods in general, Zero soothes her and teases her into a more positive mood and they both mutually sleep, Yuuki clearly still having some concerns but feeling better on the whole. On the surface, this is merely a cute fluff scene to show some Zeki skinship. 

If you’re only reading on the surface level, well, you’re missing out, in my opinion. There is so much going on beneath the surface. 

Subtext Layer - Zero

Zero first, since his reactions truly underpin the scene. Before we can explore Zero, we have to return to the earlier chapters of VKM and remind ourselves where Zero’s headspace currently is (as far as we’re aware--subject to revision of course).

As far as we know currently, Zero spent 50 years “waiting” for Yuuki to declare her intentions to move forward with him. When she does in VKM 9, he takes the opportunity to clarify with her in VKM 10 what she means by restarting. She dodges the subject, and they end at a stalemate where Zero may or may not bite her (we still don’t know). We then leave his headspace entirely from VKM 11-12, where we only see him from an objective viewpoint. In VKM 11, he appears to be playing the proper boyfriend card in public, but as soon as he and Yuuki are behind closed doors, he no longer touches her. In VKM 12, this trend continues further--he is stiff and tense around her and doesn’t respond well to her advances; on top of this, she has her butterflies spying on him and is clearly concerned about something regarding him. 

We know Zero desires to drink his fill of Yuuki from VKM 10, but we also know Yuuki seems to be so worried about him that she feels the need to forcefeed him, which implies he stops drinking from her after VKM 10 at some point (or didn’t actually drink from her during that chapter). So we know subtextually that something is going on between them regarding whether or not he’s taking in her blood. We just don’t know what that something is yet. 

This brings us to VKM 13′s opening scene, where Zero’s response to Yuuki’s forcefeeding is a simple deflection. He catches her hand and holds it to his face (perhaps a reflex from Night 88?), and rather than kissing her or pushing any intimacy, he merely asks her what’s going on. 

Now, this next section is interesting and says quite a bit about Zero’s headspace. They stare at each other for a moment, and then Yuuki collapses and rests her forehead against his.

In the very next panel, we see Zero attempt to embrace her. This is really important. His first instinct is to initiate romantic contact with her. However, something bizarre happens after this. Hino doesn’t show us the panels, but his arms must fall back to his sides before the next panel, as when we see the two of them from a distance in the third panel, Zero’s arms are still by his side while Yuuki’s embracing his head. (See below:)

So we have a clear trajectory of: Attempt to embrace --> Stop for some reason --> No touch at all. Despite Yuuki’s behavior during the majority of VKM, in this scene she clearly doesn’t seem opposed to Zero touching her or having any intimacy with her. Which begs the question: why did he change his mind?

We probably won’t get an answer on that for a while, but it’s important to bear in mind that Zero is clearly restraining himself from initiating any kind of romantic contact with Yuuki (this is a key item of comparison we’ll return to when we visit the last scene).

At this point, Yuuki’s finally willing to talk, and Zero listens to her concerns with sleepy, hooded eyes. She asks him if he still feels that vampires have no option but to be the enemies of humans. He takes his time to respond--clearly her concern is something that he wants to deal with in a very particular manner. He gives her a simple, factual explanation of why vampires are a problem when unleashed willy nilly in human society. 

Hino chooses not to show Zero’s expression in this section--instead she focuses on Yuuki’s response. Zero sees his words didn’t make Yuuki feel any better, so his instinct is to pat her head and then ruffle her hair to distract her. It’s a tender, sweet moment--the most intimate one they’ve had probably since the original series, and the one most like their original dynamic that we’ve seen so far in VKM.

She stops him, of course, and receives a pained smile for her trouble. What strikes me in particular about his smile in this scene is that for all that it is the most genuine and natural we’ve seen yet in VKM, Hino still made sure to put a great deal of pain in the lines of his brows and the framing of his eyes. He’s pulling an Arc 1 Yuuki here--smiling for Yuuki’s sake. This moment of intimacy doesn’t make him float off to heaven; it’s purely to help her ease her mind. 

We can tell the moment doesn’t exactly touch him because in the following panels, his expression becomes grave again. This is partially due to the content of their conversation, but note that this gravity doesn’t extend to Yuuki’s expressions--the moment of intimacy lifted her spirits, but not his. This is also significant, and points to Zero putting on an act to try to help her in any way he can, despite it not being what he actually wants. 

Zero cradles her head on his shoulder, but doesn’t initiate anything else. Instead, he brings up the point that the suspect could be a former hunter or a disgruntled Pureblood, and that she should be careful.

He falls asleep, leaving her to watch him. 

What I see very clearly in this scene is that Zero’s still holding himself back in their relationship, but he’s still concerned about her well being and seeks to soothe her and help her be at ease. This is basically Zero holding steady to what was already established in VKM 11-12, and is similar to his behavior during the 70 or so years prior. Because Hino doesn’t put us in his headspace, and because his expressions are neutral and hooded for the most part, we likely won’t get to find out what’s stuck up his craw for a long time (if ever, lol). 

The big takeaway from this scene, in my opinion, is that Zero is holding himself back from romantic intimacy and trying to stick with the familial/platonic intimacy Yuuki’s comfortable with from their youth. This is a clear sign that Zero’s still “giving” more in the relationship than he’s receiving, and a careful reader should be hearing some warning bells from his behavior here. 

Subtext Layer - Yuuki

This is the first chapter where we receive a few hints about what’s been going on in Yuuki’s headspace this entire time, and they are in line with what I thought during VKM 12.

The tagline for the chapter is clearly from Yuuki’s perspective--she’s hoping that touching Zero will communicate the things she can’t speak. This is in line with both of them not talking about how they truly feel and living behind masks their whole lives--even after all this time, they’re both still doing this. It’s hugely detrimental to their relationship and as we will see toward the end of the chapter has some devastating consequences.

We know from VKM 12 that Yuuki has some unspoken concerns regarding Zero. We know this because she’s been spying on him, and because she didn’t want to talk about their relationship to her friends. We know she’s trying to convince herself that they’re fine, and that nothing can change what’s between them, thanks to her forced smile in VKM 12 when she’s trying to reassure her friends and herself that all is well. We know that her concerns about Zero go deeper than the arrival of the Vampire King--his arrival is merely an excuse to explore those fears for her. She uses the Vampire King to get Zero into bed with her, an invitation she’s clearly never extended to him before. But rather than initiating anything with him or telling him her fears, she lies still and stiff and holds his hand until he falls asleep. When he does, she tries to ask him a question, stops herself when she realizes he’s asleep, touches his face with a worried and questioning smile, and then randomly bites herself and forcefeeds him blood. All of this implies some deep set insecurities about Zero that she’s never articulated.

Zero’s response to Yuuki’s forcefeed clearly doesn’t surprise her, nor does it please her. She stares at him intensely, but his lack of response breaks her and she gives up, leaning her head on his forehead. Whatever she was hoping to get from the forcefeed, Zero doesn’t give it to her.

So she changes tactics. Her tactics here are quite interesting--it’s clear she has a “concern,” but she doesn’t want to address it with him directly, so she’s testing various things disguised behind general concerns about the vampires to probe what his issues with her might actually be. 

We know Yuuki still has concerns about whether or not Zero loves her as a Pureblood, because in her confession in VKM 9 she asks him to date her if her being a Pureblood is okay with him. Clearly the fact that he’s stood by her side and waited patiently for her to return his affections all this time hasn’t been enough to ease her worries in this regard. So we know this is certainly a sublayer factor in her concerns about him, but I suspect this isn’t the real reason because she’s capable of talking about this--the real reason is far more likely to be related to the time she blew up at Ai in VKM 7 when Ai asked if Zero was angry about Kaname. 

But we’ll address all that at the end, because it’s relevant for later. For now, it’s only important to recall that Yuuki has some fears about how Zero feels about her as a Pureblood. This leads directly into her first test--she talks about how the Vampire King is scary, and uses this as an excuse to probe whether Zero’s feelings truly have changed about vampires--does he still see them as the natural enemies of humans, somewhere deep in his heart, despite everything he’s lived?

Zero’s response doesn’t immediately ease her worries, and we can tell by her half-lidded eyes as she’s listening to him. He confirms that bringing vampires out into the open can only cause trouble, but he doesn’t say it with any heat or anger--only grim practicality. He also makes an allowance for people who will act to make things better, but points out that in the end their efforts might not do any good. This is neither an affirmation of Yuuki’s fear, nor a negation, and she becomes despondent over it, a moody expression returning to her face. 

Now, what she’s despondent over here is left for interpretation. The surface level read is just that Zero’s words are sobering and make her concerned about him being in the line of fire in light of all the trouble bringing vampires out in the open will cause. But the subtext level read potentially says something different.

If Yuuki is using her questions about Zero’s feelings regarding vampires as a way to probe what’s potentially wrong in their relationship, then Zero’s words here will not be a comfort to her. If his issue was just that he’s still struggling with her being a Pureblood, that might be easier for her to deal with. But clearly his factual and deadpan answer shows he’s not having any issues with her as a Pureblood anymore--he’s capable of practically analyzing things. So basically what this does is cross out this issue as a potential reason for Zero’s behavior, leaving Yuuki with fewer options for why he might be pulling away from her. She’ll lose another option in the last scene--that of him perhaps not desiring her or loving her. That will leave her with the inevitable conclusion Ai brought up all those years ago in VKM 7--that this is somehow related to her feelings for Kaname and to her own inability to be a real partner for Zero in light of that. And perhaps this is the one option Yuuki doesn’t want to face, because she herself has spent 70 years running from reality. 

Regardless of what’s truly bugging Yuuki, Zero notices her troubled expression and immediately acts to soothe her. The distraction works, and she offers him the most genuine smile she’s had on her face in all of VKM--an affectionate, loving smile as she accepts his support and encouragement. 

The skinship between them works wonders on her mood--she suddenly seems to feel freer to interact with him and she goes so far as to flop on top of him. Her good cheer returns to her, and she offers him a genuine smile with questioning eyes as she says that she needs to do her best rather than just getting all down in the dumps. What’s interesting about this scene is that her expression is questioning--she’s looking to see if he’ll respond positively to what she’s saying. 

Rather than responding positively with a return smile, Zero instead cradles her head and reminds her to be careful since they don’t know who the culprit’s identity is yet. Her expression falls; he’s still not responding the way she wants him to (whatever that way is), and she tries to engage him again by asking him to be careful as well. 

But Zero ends the conversation by closing his eyes, leaving her alone with her thoughts. The telling bit, of course, is at the very end of the scene--her expression goes from a little sad to devastated. Why does it do this when she was genuinely cheerful moments before? Because whatever it is she’s afraid of hasn’t truly been addressed.

Now, the surface read here is pretty easy: she’s just worrying about him dying, which will be brought up again at the end of the chapter. But I don’t think that properly explains her expression becoming completely crestfallen at the end--it looks more like a woman who is afraid her lover is about to leave her, rather than worrying that her lover might die one day in the future.

Yuuki commonly hides her true worries “beneath” a different excuse. If her true worry was that Zero was going to die, she would have simply scolded Zero about how he’s not taking care of himself and work out tactics to keep him safe. It’s a fairly simple fear to address. Give him a Pureblood guard contingent, keep a butterfly on him, have him step back and lead from behind and rely on his hunters more, etc. Nor, if this truly was her deepest fear, would it necessitate her probing to find out if he still felt vampires couldn’t live with humans. We’ve got something much deeper going on here than what’s on the surface.

My thought is that Zero’s bizarre and erratic behavior since they’ve gone official is leading Yuuki to believe that he’s intending to leave her and she is trying to figure out why so she can address it before he does. Her response to Aidou, her insistence on their relationship remaining stable to her friends, her offering her bed randomly to Zero, her forcefeeding Zero, her wrapping probing questions within unrelated contexts all seem to be pointed toward the same outcome: she is afraid Zero is done with their relationship and is trying to figure out where she went wrong and how to fix it without actually asking him--and potentially triggering him to leave her before he’d planned. Likely she’s also afraid it has something to do with Kaname and her feelings about Kaname, just as Ai asked her all those years ago. But for reasons that are being kept “secret” for only heaven knows why, she can’t communicate her true fears to Zero, leaving us only able to piece them together thanks to her reactions. 

The big takeaway from Yuuki’s side of the first scene, in my humble opinion, is that she is deeply afraid that “something” regarding Zero’s feelings toward her has changed and that she will potentially lose him as a result. Perhaps what’s also going on is that she’s attempting to “fix” her behavior to please him enough to make him stay without having to actually address the underlying causes--the very things she needs to address to actually make her life better. 

The Knight Targeted

The second scene of VKM 13 offers a brief but welcome respite from the failing KM arc-redux of Zero and Yuuki’s current relationship. 

My favorite part of the chapter is the single page where Yuuki’s butterfly is clinging to Zero’s head while his coworkers have a good laugh at his expense. It’s a sweet, intimate scene which emphasizes the love and respect the people who surround him have for him. 

What’s interesting about Yuuki’s butterfly is how cheerful Hino makes sure to establish it being. In Japanese, you’d describe the screentones she uses as “fuwafuwa,” so fluffy and airy are they. They give off an aura of pleasure and delight rather than fear or worry--it very much reads as a Yuuki who was “pleased” by her boyfriend’s “performance” the previous evening, despite the fact that all he did was give her a little skinship like in the old days. 

More seriously, Zero is unmoved by the butterfly’s presence, and he himself is clearly not flying high or in any altered state of delight. This difference is key in clueing us in on his state of mind continuing from the previous scene--whatever Yuuki got out of their interaction, Zero didn’t receive a similar benefit. He remains his traditional stoic self. It’s important to note that we don’t get to see his expression, either. Hino is very careful to hide Zero’s expressions during the last few scenes of this chapter.

The focus of the scene, of course, is his coworkers’ antics. They attribute the butterfly’s presence to Yuuki keeping an eye on his office misadventures, and perhaps there is more truth to that than Yuuki would ever let on. On the surface level, of course, she is merely being hyper-protective of him for admittedly legitimate reasons. 

Regardless, it’s a nice little scene that demonstrates Yuuki does at least care in some sense for the man she’s been deliberately mistreating for 70+ years. It’s a short-lived moment, as Zero is called away to meet with an unregistered vampire who’s been brought in for questioning.

Zero’s first question establishes an interesting fact about this newcomer--he “let” himself be brought in without a fight. This implies he’s a plant of some kind, meant to perform a specific function. This’ll become more evident as the conversation rolls on. 

The vampire is quite an interesting chap. He begins by insinuating that Zero’s a fallen member of vampiric society--a vampire who won’t accept that he’s a vampire, a tamed dog of humans. He states he’s not working for anyone, nor is he the culprit of the original bombing the Hunters are investigating from VKM 12. 

Zero says the guy has a bomb and goes to check. Yuuki’s butterfly tries to interfere with Zero’s operations, but Zero pushes past it. As soon as Zero reveals that the vampire has a bomb grafted into his stomach, he instinctively moves to get the two detectives to safety as the vampire unleashes the bomb.

Before I move on to speculating who the mastermind of all of this might be, I’d like to do a little round of speculation as to what’s going on here:

Zero brought up an interesting fact in the first scene of VKM 13--that the culprit of the original bombing (and mastermind) might be either a Pureblood or a former member of the Hunter Association, perhaps a disgruntled one. (Zero doesn’t imply this, but it’s also possible it could be a team of these two, much like the original collaboration between Rido and the Hunter President during arc 1.)

Here are the basic facts we know:

We know that the first bombing “conveniently” happened near Ruka and Kain. By itself, this doesn’t necessarily indicate Ruka and Kain were targets, but given VKM 13 it��s highly likely they were chosen on purpose. 

We know that the perpetrator is spreading the rumor that he is the “Vampire King.”

We know the unregistered vampire in VKM 13 allowed himself to be caught and specifically waited (and perhaps even requested, though this isn’t stated) for Zero’s presence in the room before setting off the bomb. He didn’t have a message for Zero or any of the detectives--he only made sure to insult Zero and establish that he was an independent actor before setting the bomb off. This, coupled with the Ruka/Kain incident from VKM 12, tips the scales in favor of these attacks being targeted toward someone related to Zero or Yuuki in particular.

With these facts in mind, here are our potential mastermind perpetrators:

1.) An Unknown Disgruntled Pureblood from Kaname’s Murder Spree Days

The easiest and most obvious choice for a culprit would be something along the lines of a disgruntled Pureblood from Kaname’s murder spree days back in the original series who is now targeting Yuuki specifically because of her efforts to bring about equality.

This is potentially a good fit because:

Purebloods can manipulate lesser vampires easily, which would enable them to create a variety of servants to unleash on people Yuuki loves.

Kaname’s former activity created quite a bit of animosity that was never truly resolved.

The use of Kaname’s title “Vampire King” would mean nothing to most humans/vampires at this point--only Yuuki and Kaname’s former associates would be bothered by it.

The unregistered vampire in VKM 13 specifically waited for Zero, Yuuki’s current love interest.

The main problem I see with this possible perpetrator is that it’s nearly 100 years since Kaname became the forge, and the attacks are geared toward making humans upset with vampires (something that would not be advantageous to a Pureblood). 

The other problems I see are more related to the narrative itself. Hino doesn’t spend much time on politics unless they further the love triangle itself. The only reasons I can think of to have a Pureblood at the center of the conflict, especially a Pureblood who is a nobody as far as the original series is concerned (unless Hino is bringing back Touma or that mysterious woman from Night 91-92 who was leading the rebellion against Kaname) are the following:

It may force Yuuki to come to terms with the damage Kaname caused and her own role within it, that she’s been avoiding thanks to Zero’s efforts. 

It may give a platform for Hino to fully explore the Master/Servant bond between Kaname and Yuuki by using a Pureblood manipulating another Pureblood after becoming their master--which is something Hino put back on the table with the revisions to VKM 9. 

Other than the above two reasons, I think the likelihood that the perpetrator is merely some random disgruntled Pureblood is fairly weak. The activities of these terrorists seem detrimental to vampiric society as a whole, unless the Pureblood in question just wants to have a world where humans fear vampires and vampires have to continue living in shadows. 

2.) An Unknown Disgruntled Hunter who Dislikes Zero and Yuuki

Option two for our mastermind perpetrator is some unknown hunter who for reasons so far unstated dislikes Zero’s activities or Yuuki’s or both. The reasons in favor of such a character are as follows:

Zero specifically mentions the possibility of a former hunter being the culprit, which is the only “new” information we get out of VKM 13′s first scene.

The attacks lead to outcomes favorable to the anti-vampire society that’s sprung up in the wake of vampires coming into the light thanks to Yuuki’s efforts. Anxiety among humans is rising. 

The targets of the attacks so far have been vampires--Zero, Ruka and Kain are vampiric. As far as we know, no one has yet died from these attacks, nor have any humans been specifically targeted.

The perpetrator spreads the name “Vampire King” in order to draw the public’s anxiety toward vampires.

Even with all of these ideas, however, this possibility remains a weak one to me simply because an unregistered vampire is involved, and humans (even former hunters) would have no ability to compel free vampires to help with this activity--and certainly not to sacrifice their lives for it. On top of this, most of the humans Zero’s worked with would have normal human lifespans and would be old or nearing death (certainly the ones who knew Kaname would be). We also haven’t seen any hints that Zero has trouble with anyone at work--only VKM 11 hinted that Kaien did. As such, I don’t think a random disgruntled former hunter will end up being the true culprit.

3.) A Former Hunter/Pureblood Combination of Unknown Characters

This seems the most likely to me at the moment, both as a credible threat to Zero and Yuuki (another Hunter/Pureblood team) and from a narrative perspective. If the two sides are working together in order to perpetuate the war for their own nefarious purposes--the Hunter wanting to preserve tradition and the Pureblood wanting to prevent the humanizing of vampires, perhaps--this would work well with the narrative and would also be a nice counterpoint to Zero and Yuuki’s story because it would offer the necessary counter argument to Zero and Yuuki’s coexistence efforts. 

All the facts of the case fall into place as well:

People close to Yuuki such as Ruka, Kain, and Zero being specifically targeted fits with a Pureblood who disapproves of her efforts being involved.

The use of the “Vampire King” moniker and the curious absence of human casualties implies a former hunter who would care about human life is somehow involved.

The use of a “free agent” unregistered vampire who despises tamed vampires like Zero would fit better with a Pureblood perpetrator than a Hunter, as a vampire who despises humans likely wouldn’t be willing to work with a Hunter. 

Zero’s comment in VKM 13 highlighting both disgruntled hunters and purebloods would have significant relevance. 

Yori’s comments to Aidou in VKM 12 about how humans have as much darkness within them as vampires would align with this. 

Unfortunately, the downsides of this option for the culprit are the same as #1-2, mainly that we’ve never met any disgruntled Purebloods or Hunters, so we have virtually no investment in these new villains. Their threat seems hardly credible as we don’t have any idea who they might be. At the moment they seem more a menace or a nuisance than anything, which makes Yuuki’s fears seem overblown. Hino is usually better about establishing what her villains are up to, even during the admittedly failed Sara arc. So far we’ve never met anyone acting evil for the sake of evil within the current timeline of VKM. This lowers the reader’s investment in this plotline and doesn’t help for raising the stakes. 

Which leaves us with the potential fourth option for the culprit(s), which while on the surface is unlikely, may be the ticket to a successful story.

4.) Kaien (a former disgruntled hunter) and/or Isaya (a Pureblood)

I can’t take credit for this theory, as it’s @soulisthirsty‘s, but I think it has a lot of merit even though at first it sounds implausible. Before writing off the theory, please consider the following points:

On Kaien:

We know that during the original series Kaien placed Kaname’s life and safety at a premium above Zero’s and even Yuuki’s toward the end of the series, once Yuuki had taken Zero’s memories. 

We know that for some reason Yuuki “fell out” with Kaien because in VKM 11 he tries several manipulative tactics using his illness to get her to spend time with him. 

We know Kaien failed in almost all of his goals, including the ones that Juri had specifically requested of him. 

We know that Kaien calls Yuuki and Kaname by their first names, but calls Zero by his last name still. 

We know that Kaien “told” Yuuki in VKM 12 that he was going to do “something” for his love.

We know Kaien at least believes he is dying. 

We know the “attacks” began occurring right after Kaien mysteriously disappears. 

With all these facts in mind, however, what would Kaien’s motive be? Ultimately he’d need a reason, and in VKM 11 he seems to still care very much for Yuuki and seems relatively accepting of Zero and Yuuki together, right?

Well there’s where I think we may be assessing him incorrectly. Yes, Kaien loves Yuuki, but he also loves Kaname. This is purely speculation, but I feel the reason Hino chose to show VKM 11 was specifically to highlight the differences between Kaien and Zero, and to show that Kaien may have some animus toward Zero because of those differences. 

Consider the following:

Kaien met Juri after she and Haruka were together. He was forced to accept that they were “meant to be” and that his love would be unrequited. The “true love” Kuran pairing remained intact with no interference from Kaien.

Zero met Yuuki before she and Kaname were together. He was not forced to accept that he and Yuuki weren’t “meant to be” and in fact was the very reason for Kaname’s downfall and the “destruction” of the “true love” Kuran pairing.

Kaien’s sympathies with the Kurans and the Purebloods in general turned him into a pariah who was rejected by the Hunters.

Zero’s sympathies with Yuuki and the vampires had no effect on the respect his Hunter associates had for him, in fact he’s clearly beloved because he’s clear about his boundaries. (Zero’s even dating a Pureblood and openly associates with Nobles such as Aidou.)

Kaien tried to achieve coexistence with Kaname and failed.

Zero tried to achieve coexistence with Yuuki and so far is succeeding.

Given the above, and given Kaien’s propensity to push Yuuki and Kaname together, it is quite possible Kaien bears a great deal of animus toward Zero for “breaking up” his ship. I believe Kaien was projecting himself onto Zero and Haruka and Juri onto Kaname and Yuuki. Thus, Zero “didn’t know his place” and destroyed the very thing Kaien thought was sacred because he himself never tried to get between Haruka and Juri. The difference between him and Zero is that Zero tried (at least in Kaien’s perception). Not only this, but Zero also took Kaien’s “place” within the Hunters’ organization and achieved better results than Kaien. 

On top of all of this, Kaien’s beloved Kaname is “dead” for all intents and purposes and he along with Takuma are both invested in restoring the Kurans to glory, especially with Ai involved. Notice that Kaien did not invite Zero on the “dates” with Yuuki and Ai he envisioned in VKM 11--despite Zero being in the room and very clearly being at Yuuki’s side. 

If Kaien wants to restore Kaname and if he wants to put the Kurans back together, he needs to remove the obstacle--Zero. (This is quite an interesting theory in light of Ai specifically asking Kaien to be her ally.) The best way to do this is to create a scenario where Zero would be put in danger and killed without anything being traceable to Kaien. How is Kaien to do this? Well fortunately he has a friend who has always been a little dubious in the line of morality--Isaya. 

How Isaya fits in and why:

Isaya has shown himself to be more than capable of helping people with questionable motives if he gets something out of it. He was more than willing to go along with Kaname’s plan despite actually meeting Yuuki and talking to her prior to meeting with Kaname. He never once questions Kaname’s plan in light of what he knows of Yuuki. If Kaien brings to him a similar plan, Isaya has no reason to fight against it. 

Isaya, as a Pureblood, would easily be able to create servants or order regular vampires to set off bombs (remember, in the first attack in VKM 12 we have no idea who set the bomb or whether or not there was even anyone sacrificed--only the VKM 13 did a vampire kill himself over it). 

We also know that Isaya “disappears” thanks to the original epilogue of VK 93. This is pretty grey territory for his fate. It places him potentially in a good position to be an accomplice to Kaien.

Problems with the Kaien/Isaya theory:

There are obvious problems with this theory, of course. The first and most obvious is that both Kaien and Isaya are for the most part pacifistic--Kaien fights when necessary, but rarely does he instigate conflict, and we saw him working with Yori to help establish that vampires are no more dangerous than humans in VKM. Isaya also has been seen actively working with Yuuki in VKM itself. Causing strife among the vampires and humans would directly work against everything Kaien had previously been attempting to accomplish. 

However, Kaien does admit his life hasn’t been a success and he’s nearing the end of his life in VKM 12. This might change his perspective on his pacifism, especially with Kaname’s comatose state in the balance and the potential of Zero successfully “scoring” Yuuki rising now that they’ve announced they’re going official. If Kaien’s real issue with Zero and Yuuki is that he can’t accept a child between them because Yuuki is Kaname’s in his mind, then their relationship being official would be an extra push he’d need.  

Despite how far-fetched this theory is, I’d love it if it was true, as it settles once and for all Kaien’s place in the story and also gives us a genuinely credible villain for the VKM saga rather than some new faceless/nameless Purebloods/Hunters to contend with. This would seriously up the stakes for Yuuki and Zero as well, as it’s much harder to fight people you love than people you don’t even know. 

All this being said, we probably won’t know for a while, which means all options are still on the table (and perhaps there are more that even I haven’t thought of--actual humans maybe or nobles or regular vampires in revolt). But for now all we know is that the bombings are beginning to stir up some civil unrest and likely will have detrimental consequences. 

Inverse Reflections

Normally I would skip the side pairing sections, as I tend to find them tedious, but this time I think it’s important to take a look at what Hino’s setting up with these side pairings, and what they mean for the lead pairings that they mirror.

First, let’s talk a bit about mirrors. There are two kinds of mirrors--one that foreshadows the future of a pairing (a parallel) and a true reflection of that pairing (an inverse mirror). A reflection, as everyone knows, is a reversed image--left becomes right and right becomes left. 

As far as I can tell, most of the side pairings in VKM are being used as parallels to Zero and Yuuki as a couple--Aidou/Yori, Haruka/Juri, and Shiki/Rima have all been used to highlight aspects of the Zero/Yuuki pairing that either confirm the pairing is the intended choice of the author or foreshadow struggles and conflicts Zero and Yuuki will have to overcome in the future. 

Ruka/Kain are not meant to be Zero/Yuuki parallels--they are rather an inverse mirror. They are what Zero and Yuuki would have been had this story truly been a “Yuuki loved Kaname first and settled for Zero” narrative. All the beats they go through as a couple are beats Zero and Yuuki should be hitting if Yuuki is just settling for Zero. Yet every time Ruka and Kain hit an emotional or narrative beat, Yuuki and Zero fail to meet them, and often do the opposite. 

Here are some quick examples of what I mean, taken from previous chapters:

In VKM 3, Ruka admits to Ai that she loved Kaname and that he broke her heart. Kain steals her away from Ai and firmly tells her to cut out her moping and pay attention only to him already. If Zero and Yuuki were meant to be paralleled with this couple, this is what Zero would have done with Yuuki--however Zero does not. Instead, we see in VKM 9 and VKM 1 that Zero doesn’t ask Yuuki to stop pining and look at him; instead he tells her he’s fine with her love for Kaname.

In VKM 6, Ruka gushes over dressing Ai, and Kain tells her to hurry up and sleep with him already if she likes kids so much, for which he gets punched. Zero does the opposite--he says nothing at all about children and family to Yuuki. In VKM 3, Yuuki is the one apologizing to Zero for not being able to have a child with him. If Zero were truly in Kain’s position, he should be pestering Yuuki and putting a little pressure on her; she’s already settling for him, so he might as well get something decent out of it. The fact that he doesn’t puts another notch in the differences between him and Yuuki and Ruka and Kain.

In VKM 12, Ruka makes the mistake of thinking her situation with Kain is the same as Yuuki’s with Zero. She offers some solidarity, saying that it’s hard to move forward with someone you’ve been close to for a long time. Ordinarily, this would symbolize that she and Yuuki are meant to parallel each other. However, we see this isn’t the case with the remainder of the chapter. Kain gets hurt, and Ruka immediately demands they tie the knot. Zero being in danger doesn’t have this effect on Yuuki--instead, it just makes her spy on him more frequently. So if Yuuki’s meant to parallel Ruka, Zero being in danger should have been the “moment” that made her realize she needed to go ahead and tie the knot--they’re already dating, after all. 

Ruka and Kain don’t appear much in VKM, so I don’t have too many other examples, but I think we have enough to establish that they’re meant to be an inverse mirror of Zero and Yuuki, a sign of what Zero and Yuuki might have been had the story gone the route of Yuuki truly loving Kaname and “settling” for Zero. 

I’m sure people will argue against my interpretation of Ruka and Kain, but as far as I can tell Ruka never had a moment where she legitimately “fell” for Kain. We know it is a fact that Ruka was romantically interested in Kaname, not Kain, for all of the original series, despite him breaking her heart. It’s clear she’s settling for Kain, and Kain himself accepts this and doesn’t seem inclined to fight it. She and Kain are close, of course, because they’re cousins, but that closeness makes it difficult for her to see him as a romantic partner. However, and this is what’s important about the fact that Ruka’s an inverse mirror to Yuuki, Ruka still moves on and lets herself be happy with Kain even though he is not the one she truly loves. Yuuki does not do the same. 

So, with that all established and out of my system, let’s take a gander at the Ruka/Kain section of VKM 13. =P 

The first scene is another inverse mirror of Zero and Yuuki. Ruka is a super tsuntsun, but an obvious one. She proudly shows Kain where she wants their wedding to be held, but apparently never took the time to tell him she even wanted a legitimate ceremony. When Kain laughs and asks her if that’s what she wants, she gets flustered. At first she denies that she wants a ceremony with him, but then she quickly admits it and orders him to go along with it. Kain’s of course happy to comply, but he receives a tsundere response to his genuine affection. It’s clear, though, that Ruka is happy, even if this wasn’t her first choice. It’s a sweet, cute scene typical of happy couples. 

This is a clear contrast to Zero and Yuuki’s relationship, where neither of them can smile genuinely or goofe around for longer than a single panel, where Yuuki isn’t demanding of Zero, where Zero isn’t demanding of Yuuki, where neither of them are comfortable with each other enough to make these cute demands and boss each other around. Zero and Yuuki used to be like this, in their early days during arc 1, and that’s something Ruka and Kain do parallel a bit here, but Zero and Yuuki have lost that ability to just enjoy each other’s company without any care. Yuuki doesn’t honestly say what she wants, so she’s not a true parallel to Ruka, and Zero isn’t in a place where he can be even remotely as honest as Kain is--and Kain still holds back too, so that’s really saying something.

That being established, we then move into the wedding, where we receive an inverse parallel that’s foreshadowing a different future for Zero and Yuuki.

Ruka and Kain have their wedding, and it’s quite lovely (especially Ruka’s hair). However, there are a few things that are important to note:

This is the first wedding we as readers have been invited to. Although Aidou and Yori were married many, many years ago, we weren’t invited. This is likely on purpose--Aidou and Yori are a genuine parallel to Zero and Yuuki, and the very couple Zero aspires to be like in his future with Yuuki. We likely won’t get to see this couple’s wedding until Zero and Yuuki finally get to a better place. Thus, it’s fitting that the first wedding we see is the inverse mirror couple’s wedding.

Their wedding vows are horrendous. Seriously. They’re fitting for a pair not born of genuine love, and very fitting for a “settling” pairing. If Zero and Yuuki are meant to be a settling pairing, their vows should definitely be more in line with Kain’s and Ruka’s than regular vows (you know, with the whole “love, cherish through sickness and in health” variety).

Kain’s wedding vow is merely that he’ll protect Ruka. Not even that he’ll love her or cherish her. All he can “give” her that she’s willing to receive is protection. That’s kinda sad, and I hope Zero gets better.

Ruka’s wedding vow is even worse than Kain’s, if that’s even possible. She basically spells out in her vows that she’s settling for him and she hopes he can settle for her in return. All she says is that he’s been someone she can lean on who’s brought some warmth into her life, and she hopes she can return the favor. Surely the most romantic wedding vow in history (not). Not a word about loving or cherishing or anything remotely romantic. 

Seriously the “until we become dust” silliness sounds like a cult initiation more than anything. I know Hino’s trying to replace “til death do us part” but goodness. Also, I’m so grateful for that hilarious image Hino drew of Aidou bawling over the wedding--he looks like he’s facepalming more than crying. =P Perfect for my header!

I don’t want to knock the wedding too much--it’s quite lovely for what it is, and it’s meant to be a highlight of the chapter and bring a little fluff and romance into the what’s otherwise a heavy chapter. But my point in bringing all this up is to demonstrate that Ruka and Kain’s relationship serves to highlight where Zero and Yuuki should be in their relationship if Yuuki’s “issues” are truly just that she’s having trouble moving on from Kaname. So this should be a warning to anyone reading the story that way, that Zero and Yuuki aren’t following the same path--they’re on a different trajectory. 

Interlude: Yuuki’s Reactions

At this point, I will no longer being using images for my section headers because I have a distinct distaste for the remainder of the chapter (and Hino plasters speech bubbles all over the panels, making them unusable anyway).

But I want to take a little time to discuss Yuuki’s reactions in general and why her reaction this chapter is significant. 

Back when VKM 9 came out, I was furious because Yuuki spent 50 years dragging her heels and treating Zero like a blood bag babysitter and a general doormat. VKM 13 confirmed that I was right to be concerned about all of this. 

In VKM 9, Yuuki has several scenes where she gets mopey-faced, and Zero notices them. They’re from Zero’s perspective of course, in VKM 9. But all the mopey-faced scenes are deliberately drawn to be ambiguous references to Kaname. The first one is on the bench after Ai’s “teething,” and this is the “clearest” because Yuuki makes the face and starts crying right after talking about Ai being Kaname’s. The second, of course, is when Aidou grieving before Yori’s coffin in the same chapter, and Yuuki clutches her heart and then peeks at Zero. Because we’re in Zero’s perspective in VKM 9, he does not read her mopey face there as pro-Zeki--he reads it as pro-Kaname. The reason she looked down and clutched her heart is because that’s what she does when she thinks of Kaname (see VKM 3, VKM 8′s flashback, etc.), and the reason she peeked at Zero was (from Zero’s perspective) because she was checking to see if he’d noticed. The pro-Zeki read of this scene obviously is that Aidou’s words made Yuuki think of Zero, and that she looked up at him because she was thinking of him, but that’s not how Zero reads the scene (and nor how we should be reading the scene right now). We also know from VKM 7 that she makes a similar expression when thinking about Kaname while brushing Ai’s hair before the ball.

VKM 13 continues what VKM 9 began. During the wedding vows, particularly during the “until we become dust” sections, Yuuki’s expression shifts to her traditional Kaname-mope face and she looks down with a bittersweet expression. Now, there are two ways to take this, and one is the way Zero takes it and the other is the way pro-Zeki readers take it:

The way pro-Zeki readers would understand this scene is to take Yuuki at her word from later on in the chapter--she was sad that Zero might die and the words about becoming dust merely triggered that concern. Perhaps she was also sad about the fact that Zero could say such a vow, but she can’t because she can’t promise him to become dust together, as she’s immortal and he is not. 

The way Zero, Zeki critics, and pro-Kaname readers would take this scene is the way it’s likely intended given how consistent Hino’s been with this particular expression of Yuuki’s (every time I personally see it in VKM it makes my skin crawl, which is a tell tale sign it’s Kaname-related), is to see this as Yuuki thinking about Kaname. Whether she was moping because she was sad that she and Kaname never had the chance to make vows like Ruka and Kain, or because she and Kaname could never even get to the point Ruka and Kain did, or for any other Kaname-related reason, it’s anyone’s guess. 

As for why the pro-Zeki read likely doesn’t work in my opinion (despite what Yuuki says later, which I will address in the next section), Yuuki doesn’t look at Zero. She looks down and inward. She’s not seeing the man beside her, who’s alive and quite well. Instead she’s seeing something within her, which is more typical of her moping about Kaname than moping about Zero hypothetically kicking the bucket. Again, it is of course possible that Zero has her pegged wrong and she’s genuinely just been moping about Zero for 70 years for...reasons...even though he was right there beside her the whole time, but given her need to bring Kaname up even during her “confession” in VKM 9, methinks it be unlikely. However, for now we’ll leave it at the two possible interpretations--as far as the story currently goes, both interpretations are valid until further notice. 

Before I leave the wedding scene, I just want to say it’s pretty suspicious that Hino doesn’t show any Zero reaction shots and that the only panel we get of his feelings about weddings is a small panel where half his face is cut off. Hino’s pretty careful about keeping him out of sight, out of mind. We’re not allowed to see how much things bother him, or how he feels about his own prospects. (Seriously Zero just marry Aidou already; you both look so cute standing next to each other.)

And now, we’re ready for the grand finale. Hold on to your seat belts, friends; it’s going to be a wild ride, I’m sure. 

All Saints Must Fall

There is a lot to cover here, so I’ll be breaking it into subsections. Needless to say, if this scene had been removed from the chapter it’d have been a great chapter. But sadly this scene is here, and it is what it is, so what could have been a nice fluff chapter became...well, this little whirling dervish of controversy. Regardless, here we are, so let’s start by tackling the various ways the scene can be interpreted before getting into why I interpret it the way I do. 

The Surface Read

The surface read of this scene is sketch at best. It’s hard to take it seriously, but I’ll address it for the sake of completion. It reads as follows: 

Yuuki muses about the Ruka and Kain’s wedding being lovely. Zero comes out of the shower and initially asks Yuuki to have it out with him now. Yuuki is confused. Zero clarifies, informing her he noticed her moping at the ceremony. He then pounces on her, startling her, and demands she tell him. Yuuki admits that she was thinking about wishing for him to live on, that she always thinks this during funerals or key events, and that she believes it’s a curse to wish this upon him. She admits her wish is selfish but admits she’s afraid of him passing away.

Zero is surprised, but says that her feelings are something she’s cursing herself with. He tells her to give him her blood, and then bites her in several places, reiterating that he wants to grant her her wish. He asks her to be by his side at the end of his life and tell him she was happy. Yuuki reiterates that he should take her beastly blood in. Zero then curses himself and asks why her blood’s irresistible. 

The surface interpretation goes like this: Zero got bothered by Yuuki’s expression at the wedding and asks her what’s up. When she tells him, he is surprised. Her fears activate his own fears, and he tries to “reassure” her by biting her all over the place. Yuuki “consents” to this after he’s already done it, and he confesses that he wants her blood because his love is overwhelming him. 

Okay, this was quite possibly the most cringe-worthy drivel I’ve suffered myself to write in ages. But let me pick it apart at a base level before I move on to get to what’s really going on in this scene:

If this scene is truly just about Zero catching Yuuki’s fears and heightening his own fears in response to hers, his actions don’t make any sense. Why would he bite her all over the place irresponsibly to the point where she’s clutching her shirt to keep it from exposing her boobs if he just wants to drink her blood to alleviate either her fears of him dying or her own? After all, he’s been drinking her blood for years--drinking her blood isn’t going to save him from an explosion. 

Moreover, Zero has never been shown to be afraid for his life. Even after the conversation with Aidou in VKM 12, or after the explosion in VKM 13, Zero doesn’t appear afraid, unless he’s just hiding his fear under a poker face. Him merely “catching” Yuuki’s fear in this scene and overreacting doesn’t work as an interpretation simply because that’s not how fear works. That’s panic, and Zero doesn’t appear to be panicking. Fear is something that should be rooted deeply within him, and Zero’s never been particularly concerned about the lifespan issues--even back when Yuuki was genuinely worrying about them in Night 88, Zero brushed it off like it was nothing. 

If we’re meant to interpret this as Zero reassuring Yuuki that all will be well and her fears are unfounded, well, he’s not doing a very good job. Yuuki does not look reassured at the end of the scene--she looks depressed. Zero himself doesn’t look reassured at the end of the scene. He also offers not a single word of reassurance--he blames Yuuki for her own fears (her curse is of her own making, not something he validates), and he mocks her own phrasing when he demands her blood. This is not how we’ve seen Zero reassure her in previous chapters--VKM 5′s gentle reassurance, VKM 8′s confidence, VKM 13′s first scene’s intimacy. Zero knows how to reassure properly, and VKM 13′s final scene is not an example of that. 

On top of this, we have the idea that Yuuki “consented” to Zero’s treatment of her this chapter. She never once consented. Silence is not consent. I’m not one of those folks who thinks consent has to be verbal, mind you, but Yuuki lies passively in all the panels other than when she’s wincing in pain. Zero doesn’t ask her, he demands and takes. Yuuki never once smiles, never once reciprocates, never once touches him during the biting and even goes so far as to clutch her shirt to keep it from slipping--hardly an act welcoming of intimacy. In one panel it looks like she may even be trying to push Zero’s hand away from where it is on her exposed stomach. This is not an act of mutual passion or mutual fear or a mutual coming together to alleviate anxieties. This is a purely aggressive act on Zero’s part that Yuuki, for whatever reason, is not fighting--and note, Yuuki may have a great many reasons not to fight that have nothing to do with enjoying what Zero’s doing to her. (More on this later.) Yuuki’s expression when she “consents” after the fact is pained and unhappy, akin to her expressions during the Kuran Manor arc with Kaname. Hino even uses dark screen tones in that panel, and Yuuki insults her own blood. 

So basically, the “pro-Zeki” surface read of this scene is, in my opinion, grossly reductionist and fails to account for the basic facts. To hold this position, one would either have to be blind and unable to see the panels or read the words, or reading with rose-tinted glasses. This is why I can’t get behind anyone who thinks this is merely a “dark passion” scene, which I’d like to speak on presently before I move to deeper interpretive layers.

Romance vs. Dark Vampire Passion/Eroticism

I firmly believe that some of my fellow compatriots are misunderstanding the difference between genuine passion/romance and this “dark vampire passion”/eroticism. This I place firmly in the Kaname apologists’ court for creating this problem in the first place--they were the first to try to use “dark vampire passion” as an excuse for the abuse in their scenes during the Kuran Manor arc of the original series. 

“Dark passion” is nothing more than eroticism, which merely means “this scene is sexualized and meant to titillate the reader.” Almost every scene between Kaname and Yuuki is erotically charged, but very few of those scenes are correspondingly romantic. This is quite common in fiction about abuse and nonconsensual situations--you see it frequently in stories like Berserk, where dark situations have erotic panels. I honestly find this sick on the part of many mangaka, but I understand why it’s there--manga is a medium meant to be enjoyed, and rape/abuse aren’t enjoyable to a reader, so a little eroticism is added in order to make the scenes more palatable. 

The final scene in VKM is eroticized, which actually helps a reader to downplay the real harm this scene is causing to the heroine. Rather than looking at her expressions and paying attention to the pain she’s going through, the panels are drawn deliberately to evoke sexuality. This makes it easier to excuse for the reader, because the reader is not focused on the character’s pain--the reader is merely enjoying the erotic content in a voyeuristic fashion. In a sense, the reader is more sympathetic to the abuser when scenes are framed this way, and this I place firmly in Hino’s camp as far as blame goes.

Romantic scenes are framed and displayed differently than VKM 13′s final scene. Genuinely romantic scenes of course often have sexualized content and even erotic content in the case of smut stories from magazines like Cheese!, but the erotic content is very clearly mutual, consensual, and loving between the characters on top of being titillating for the reader. The only panel in VKM 13′s final scene that is even remotely romantic is the single panel of Yuuki stroking Zeros face when she confesses that her wish for him to live on is selfish. This is even before all the controversial content takes place. The following panels are merely eroticized. 

This is why I can’t buy the “dark passionate vampires” excuse for the scene, because we’ve seen this song and dance before, and it was used to do the exact same thing--allow the readers to ‘excuse’ the male perpetrator using “romance” as a shield, when really it’s just the reader being titillated by erotic posing choices by the mangaka. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the scene on a sexual level--everyone has some risque non-con content that they’ve enjoyed. But that doesn’t make the scene consensual, romantic, or loving just because the reader is titillated by it. 

And last, before I close on this, Zero and Yuuki are supposed to be a radiant, joyful ship. If they’re descending into eroticized “dark passion,” we have a problem. 

The Close-up Subtext Read

I won’t cover this read too deeply, as @soulisthirsty has covered this far more thoroughly on her @vampireknightmeta blog than I have the time or the inclination to address. For those interested in her perspective, you will find her posts on the matter here and here. 

This is the read I expect most Zeki-apologists will eventually agree with once they accept that their surface read of the scene doesn’t account for all the facts and is woefully inadequate. My own reading of the scene is from a higher meta perspective, but that also means I must make assumptions that the chapter-specialized read does not (giving the close-up subtext read more flexibility in case Hino goes off the rails). 

A quick recap of what the close-up subtext read breaks down to:

Zero has been stewing on Yuuki’s moping at the ceremony ever since he noticed it, all through his shower, and comes out of the shower ready to tackle the matter and already frustrated (we can tell by the creases in his brow, Zero’s tell-tale frustration expression). Whatever he’s been stewing on is unknown at the moment. 

Yuuki initially is confused, and Zero snaps at her, calling out the specific moment so that she doesn’t try to dodge the subject. When Yuuki is slow to respond, he pounces on her, demanding she tell him. Yuuki is initially startled, and Zero softens his approach but still insists.

Yuuki admits to him her wish that he’d live on, and that she thinks about it whenever a friend dies or a big event happens. She has a strange reaction to what she’s saying, and then she touches his face and tells him that her wish is nothing but a curse for him. Zero’s expression shows shock; whatever he was anticipating was her problem was not this. 

Yuuki goes on to admit that she knows she’s selfish for getting all worked up over Zero’s imminent death on her own. Zero then tells her that the only one who’s suffering under her curse is her, and that if that’s really what’s bothering her, she should go ahead and give him her cursed blood. 

He then goes on to bite her without consent in multiple places, pushing her shirt up. While he’s biting her and splattering blood, he reiterates that he wants to push “that day” far into the future if he’s the one who can do that for her. “That day” is left deliberately ambiguous so it could be interpreted in multiple ways--either Zero’s own death, or Yuuki’s death by turning Kaname. 

Zero holds Yuuki and asks her to be by his side at the end of his days and tell him she was happy. Yuuki says that if that’s what he wants, he needs to drink as much as he can of her blood. Zero’s response is that he’s unable to stop and that her blood is so delicious it’s irresistible. 

This interpretation boils down to a case of misunderstanding. Zero’s been stewing over “something” that’s clearly been eating at him for longer than the ceremony, but the ceremony is the first chance he’s had to address it. Yuuki on the other hand is getting herself all worked up over him dying because she’s afraid to be alone (as we know from VKM 9′s confession). 

In this framework, the reason Zero doesn’t reassure Yuuki is because her fixation on his death and her view of her own blood imply that she doesn’t believe he’s truly accepted her. His frustration and his mocking her in this context would be related to the fact that he’s done everything possible to show her he accepts her as she is and loves her as she is, and that he’s at a loss for how to ease her fears. Thus, the reason he goes overboard with the biting is more about him being frustrated that she’s not really even seeing him--she’s only seeing her image of him that has nothing to do with reality (this would be backed up by VKM 13′s earlier scene, where Yuuki brings up Zero’s real feelings about vampires in addition to VKM 9′s confession where Yuuki asks him if he’ll date her despite her being a Pureblood). 

This framework allows for this to be a simple misunderstanding--Zero perhaps thinks his feelings aren’t reaching Yuuki and Yuuki is so hyper aware of Zero’s fate that she can’t relax and enjoy her present with him. Potentially Yuuki’s obsession with brooding and dwelling on the bad is starting to get on Zero’s nerves with this interpretation, and he’s lashing out because nothing he does seems to help Yuuki view the world and their relationship with a more positive lens. 

As far as interpretations go, I think this is a fine one, and quite in line with this chapter in isolation. It’s also a safe bet right now, because we don’t have any future information to clarify it yet. As far as we’re aware, the only “issue” between Zero and Yuuki at this point merely is Yuuki’s fears about Zero’s death (confirmed by VKM 12 and VKM 13). So I believe this is a safe interpretation to have in light of where we currently are, though it doesn’t quite go far enough for me. However, it certainly lines up with the facts and there is no direct evidence to dispute its validity yet. As with the interpretations for the potential identity of the Vampire King, this interpretation has no holes as of yet. The issues between Zero and Yuuki may, at this current time, simply be about their lack of communication and their general character flaws. 

I wish I myself could get behind this variant, but alas, I must go deeper. For those who can’t follow me further due to the leaps I’ll have to make based on lack of information, I’d say stopping at this layer is a good place to rest, no matter what “camp” you’re in. @soulisthirsty makes a compelling case for this interpretation, and it’s easy to back up. 

But now it is time to delve deeper. I’d recommend leaving now if you’re the type to get triggered easily. But if you’ve made it this far, I’m going to assume you’re here until the end. 

Artistic Intent

The reason I can’t get behind the close-up subtext read is there’s far too much going on beneath the surface, and in light of other chapters, than what that read allows for in my humble opinion. But before I get into that, I’d like to discuss artistic intent before plunging headfirst into trouble.

Hino is a deliberate, filmic artist, more so than any other manga I’ve ever seen. Her artistic fundamentals are terrible (see her proportions), but she has a sharp sense of how to use the panels as if they were film shots, and to use them to great effect. She knows how to emphasize space and time, how to speed time up and slow it down, how to emphasize emotion or emphasize distance. To analyze a chapter without addressing this is a grave mistake, especially in such a carefully staged scene. 

In two previous posts, I discussed Yuuki’s flushes and Hino’s framing. These are two techniques Hino uses to convey tone. But there are other techniques Hino uses as well, and the one I didn’t mention in the posts above is the artful direction of dialogue bubble placement and coloring. 

If you look at VKM 13′s first scene, you’ll notice some interesting things about the bubble placement for the dialogue. Most of the panels’ artwork remains unobscured by dialogue bubbles, other than one small scene at the end where Zero is talking about who the perpetrator of the crimes might be. Otherwise, the reader is free to enjoy both the artwork and the dialogue, to fully see the characters interact and express themselves in each panel. This makes the scene easy to follow and understand for the reader.

Contrast this with VKM 13′s final scene and you’ll see the stark difference. Huge dialogue bubbles with oversized text are plastered all over the characters’ faces and expressions during an intense scene, adding to the confusion and havoc presented by the odd framing choices themselves. Key moments are obscured by dialogue bubbles, key expressions are cut off by them. This makes the scene hard to follow and understand for the reader.

Parsing a scene is an important feature in reading. If a scene isn’t clear and easy to follow, the reader has to work harder, and the writer risks losing the reader. For a writer to choose deliberately to make a scene difficult for a reader to follow means there’s something in that scene the writer wants the reader to pay attention to. The first VKM 13 Zeki scene is meant to be breezed through--the content is easy to assess and move through. The final scene is the opposite. It is meant to be pondered over and considered and reviewed, and it’s deliberately drawn to elicit feelings of confusion and chaos. 

Hino has her faults as a writer and an artist, but in this she’s flawless. She knows what she’s doing with scenes like this. But more on the contrast between VKM 13′s two bookend scenes later. For now, I shall present my own interpretation of the controversial last scene. 

The Bird’s Eye Meta Subtext Read

We’ve arrived at last. The moment everyone has likely been dreading. What, in GOTSB’s opinion, is going on in this scene?

By this point I’ve reiterated what happened on the surface more than enough. I won’t waste your time with repeating it. Instead, I’ll take you through the two reads: first Zero, then Yuuki. Just like what we did during the first scene in VKM 13.

Zero’s Jealousy and Outrage

Hino’s a sneak with Zero in the final two scenes of VKM 13. She doesn’t show us he noticed Yuuki’s downcast expression during the ceremony at all, nor how it affected him. Thus, we must make some assumptions based on how he behaves:

Yuuki starts talking to him the moment he exists the shower at the start of the scene, but she doesn’t face him. Rather than responding to her, he attacks first--”Let’s talk properly.”

The first words themselves are arguably just him broaching the subect, but the following words set the stage for why we can decipher what was going on in his head: “Didn’t we decide to start over from the beginning?” Why does this line matter? Because he’s bringing up something that has no relevance to what Yuuki was talking about (the wedding). He’s bringing up their restarted relationship and reminding her that “something” has changed because of that restart.

Yuuki goes “hmm?” Now, ordinarily one would interpret this as her just being confused that Zero’s demanding they talk when all she wanted to talk about was how nice the wedding was. But Zero does not interpret her words like this. His response to her is harsh and unusual for him--he basically tells her not to play dumb. We also get a close up of his face, and we can now see the tell-tale creases in his brow, demonstrating frustration.

He then says a few things that are quite interesting. He says there’s something she’s “always” wanted to say to him, and that he’s been waiting “forever” because he thought it was hard for her to talk about, but then she had to go and start brooding during the wedding. So in these two sentences, he implies a few things: 1.) whatever it is that he thinks has been bothering her didn’t just start at the wedding, 2.) her brooding faces bother him (and we can now confirm that her brooding in VKM 9 bothered him rather than making him feel honored as he tried to imply), 3.) he’s afraid of what she’s been meaning to say because he’s procrastinated asking her all this time, 4.) he’s finally caught her in a moment she can’t squirm her way out from and he can finally call her out on her behavior because they’re “official” now, so she can’t run away anymore based on her own decision.

He then jumps on her and slams her against the bed and yells in her face. When she gasps and freezes, he initially softens up, but then when she looks like she’s going to clam up he yells again. 

Before I move on, I want to parse this. I think it’s clear from the following scene that whatever Zero was stewing on ever since the ceremony, it has nothing to do with being afraid of his own death (Yuuki’s stated reason for why she herself was moping). This means what Zero was stewing on has to be something else. Process of elimination and analysis of previous chapters make this deduction simple: Zero has always been afraid the time might come when Yuuki will at last tell him that things aren’t working because she can’t move on from Kaname. Perhaps it is not this specifically, but his fear is clearly related to Kaname and to Yuuki’s feelings about Kaname and what they mean for him. 

How do I know this? Because if he didn’t care about Yuuki’s feelings about Kaname and what they meant for him in particular, he would behave more like Kain--he’d be trying to seduce her, reminding her that she was here in front of him, and teasing her into the present because he knows his place in her heart is forever Number Two and he’s accepted it. But Zero doesn’t react this way--he reacts like a man who expects to be Number One and doesn’t think he is. You don’t get mad if you’ve “accepted” being Number Two or Number Equal. And you certainly don’t get angry with your girlfriend for “moping” if you’re just confused about why she was moping. 

Of course, Zero is a coward and won’t bring up Kaname on his own, as we know from previous chapters. Thus he waits for Yuuki to drop the bomb on him. But the bomb doesn’t come. 

From Zero’s perspective, what Yuuki does in this scene is pretty terrible--she dodges his question and tries to use another excuse to cover up the truth. So, to break it down:

Yuuki gets all weepy and tells Zero she wants him to live on, and that she thinks this every time someone dies or something happens. She admits that she shouldn’t say this kind of thing, and that’s because in her opinion it’s nothing but a curse for him. 

Zero is shocked at first, which implies one of four things: either a.) he’s genuinely surprised and touched that she was thinking about him this time and not Kaname, b.) he’s shocked about whatever it is going on with her face itself in that panel where we just see her eye and all the screen tones, c.) he’s astounded that something this petty and ridiculous is the reason she’s been making both their lives continuously miserable, or d.) he’s astounded that even now his feelings still haven’t reached her.

Before I move on, I have to say, none of those above interpretations are positive for Yuuki. If A is true, then that means Yuuki hasn’t even remotely been showing Zero any kind of affection. If B is true, then something really bad is going on with Yuuki. If C is true, then Zero’s fed up with the relationship. If D is true, Zero has now confirmed that everything he has ever tried to do in VKM to help Yuuki has been pointless--she’s already decided how he thinks of her and nothing he says or does will change that.

But before we can find out what Zero’s expression really means, Yuuki goes and ruins it with her next line about getting selfishly scared that the day he’ll die is approaching. 

Now, before I go further, I want to say this: if Zero was genuinely touched by Yuuki’s concern about him, that should have stopped his anger even if he was still flustered about the fact that her concern is over the top. For surely nothing Yuuki says is all that terrible, other than the fact that she thinks Zero might be opposed to her wish. But even that just warrants perhaps a sigh on Zero’s part and maybe him sitting down with her and talking about it or perhaps just getting into a shouting match about how she’s not seeing “him” and is still stuck in the past. (Much like what Kain says to Ruka in VKM 3, something like that would be more appropriate if he’s just upset that nothing he’s been doing has been getting through to her, or if he thinks her fears are silly). 

However, there’s something in the way Yuuki phrases her line in the panel where she talks about being frightened that gets under his skin. She says she’s selfishly afraid, which implies that this is just an excuse she’s using to keep up her moping, and it also implies that she doesn’t care about the Zero in front of her per se so much as ensuring she has “someone” with her “forever.” (Leading us right back to the very reason Zero was starting this argument in the first place.

So Zero’s reaction to Yuuki’s selfish fear is not to soothe her or reassure her. Instead he mocks her. And it is here that Hino stops letting us see his full expressions and begins to cut him off using framing. We don’t see his eyes at all when he tells her that the only one suffering under her “curse” is her. But rather than stopping there, he then goes on further to demand her blood using the very same terminology she used herself. Note that his brow is furrowed when he says this, implying that this is not said out of love or appreciation. Most children know that the best way to annoy someone is to repeat what they said, and he’s mocking her here with her own words, much as Kaname used to do. 

Now there’s a couple of interpretations for this section. The first is the easy one: Zero’s upset that everything he’s done since the end of VK has been for naught and so he might as well just give in to Yuuki’s fears and give her what she “wants”, which is for him to drink from her. (As we know from her forcefeeding him in VKM 12). So in this sense, he’s just angrily acquiescing to her fears. And I would buy this interpretation, if not for the next few panels where he squanders her blood. So if this is just about him being generally frustrated that he’s not getting through to her, he should still be treasuring her blood, not squandering it. 

The second interpretation requires some assumptions, but I think it fits better with Zero’s actions. Zero is pissed at her for using him as an excuse to not talk about her issues and the ghost that’s between them, and this excuse is perfect because she can just use it every time she’s upset to deflect Zero from prying into her feelings about Kaname. Think about it: if she doesn’t want Zero to pry into Kaname, all she has to do is say “why, my love, I was moping about your fate!” and he has to comfort her and pity her and feel sorry for her and drop the subject. It is an invincible shield behind which she can hide forever, unlike their bench excuses, rendering him unable to ever corner her into confessing  about Kaname without actually bringing him up (which we know she runs away from direct conversations about Kaname as well, see VKM 3, 5, and 9). Zero knows that this excuse she will have forever because she is immortal and he is not. So Zero’s anger in this scene may have some of the “nothing I do will get through to her” interpretation in it, but I think the majority of why he’s so angry and brutal with her is because she’s made it impossible for him to ever address the real problem he has in their relationship. She can “play dumb” forever and ever, and he will have to just take it and suffer.

This interpretation I think explains the manner in which he treats her better than the first. If he was just frustrated with her for not seeing him “now,” I don’t think his bite style would change so severely. However, if he’s pissed at her for finding the ultimate deflection from them ever being able to address the issues he has with her, then yeah, he’s gonna unleash all that pent-up sexual energy he’s been holding back for 70+ years. So he attacks her, bites her over eight times all over her body, but doesn’t even stop to savor the blood. He clearly causes her pain and scares her--she feebly attempts to push his hand off her stomach and clutches her shirt to cover her boobs. Like seriously I can’t reiterate this enough--she’s not being sexually receptive to him at all in this scene. This outburst of sexually charged energy on top of the egregious biting all imply anger, not merely frustration. 

Basically, from my perspective, what it appears he realizes here is that despite how cleverly he trapped her this time (locating a precise moment and holding her to their restart promise), she found the one way out of an honest conversation. And this naturally is infuriating. He basically has it confirmed that she will never tell him what’s really going on. And that is why he becomes so bitter when he mocks her, and that is why he splatters her blood and invades her intimate space, and that is why he tells her to push “that day” in to the far distance. 

“That day” in the second interpretation can only mean the day she turns Kaname, the day Zero fears (because Zero has his own fears, which he’s never allowed to speak about thanks to Yuuki). If Zero’s life keeps her from making that sacrifice, then by all the hells he’s going to do everything it takes to grant that to her, because that’s all that’s left for him. I think that’s also why at the end of the scene he finally confesses what he hopes to receive from her--that at the end of all this insanity, she’ll at the very least tell him she was happy. He doesn’t even ask for her love because as far as he’s concerned, he’ll never receive it. He just wants her to be with him in the end and tell him he made her happy. 

Now if the scene ended here, I would say Zero’s made a pretty big damn mistake and he needs to fix it, but otherwise I would expect Hino to keep dragging out this shitshow until the end of the series. Zero’ll just have to accept that he’s never going to get to clarify whatever it is that bothers him about Kaname, and “be the bigger man” than Kaname was or whatever.

But Hino gave me a little tiny gift at the end, one that has me hoping for better things. At the end, Zero admits that he’s no longer able to stop himself. He curses, and then asks himself why her blood’s so tasty that he can’t stop himself. This is a direct parallel to Night 50, when Kaname asked Yuuki the same thing. 

Zero is confirmed to be unsatisfied with Yuuki’s blood. It’s still tasty because he still loves her, but he’s now beginning to shift into Rido/Kaname territory. This means, despite his anger about Yuuki deflecting this chapter, that the likelihood of him leaving the relationship has gone up exponentially. A confession like this usually comes before the end. And if this scene is what it takes for Hino to give me my Zeki breakup so that they can sort themselves out and find a better way, I’ll pay my dues and suck it up. All saints have to fall at some point, and Zero was due for a fall. 

To quickly sum up what I feel was expressed on the Zero side in this scene: Zero has been afraid for at least 50+ years that Yuuki’s issues about Kaname will never be “over.” Every time he’s tried to talk to Yuuki in the past about Kaname, she’s deflected in some way or clammed up. When he thinks he’s finally trapped her into having to talk about it, she brings out the biggest whopper of a deflection in history, and one he can’t beat, triggering one hell of a temper tantrum and leaving him indirectly confessing that she no longer satisfies him (and we know he was once satisfied by her, because he said as much in VKM 2). 

This puts Zero in a position to do one of two things: either a.) he has to accept that their relationship is what it is and this is the best he’s gonna get, or b.) he has to start deciding the best route for causing a chilling effect on the relationship, either by rebenching it or breaking it up entirely. More on this in the finale section. 

For now, I want to say that I fully expect Zero to apologize to Yuuki for his behavior here. I think he was wrong, no matter his circumstances, to treat her this way. I do think he was driven to this point by her behavior and by his own cowardice, which I’ll discuss briefly here shortly, but that still doesn’t excuse him. His behavior in this scene was abusive, although one instance of abuse does not necessarily an abuser make. At the moment, this is an anomalous behavior for Zero, but readers should be careful not to defend it too much because it could develop into a pattern of abuse in the future, and is, therefore, a red flag. If he continues down this path and develops a pattern of abuse, he’ll be no better than Kaname.  So I fully expect him an apology from him, a la Rhett Butler after The Scene in Gone With The Wind, and I expect some serious reflection on his actions and some serious narrative consequences. 

Now, before I move on to Yuuki’s side of this chapter, I want to talk about a few things that we can now extrapolate about Zero based on this chapter:

While he may not have been lying per se when he said he was “okay” with Kaname’s place in Yuuki’s heart during VKM 9 and VKM 1, it’s clear that he’s incredibly insecure about his own place in Yuuki’s heart despite what he says to her. I’ve always been firmly in the camp that he’s been lying this whole time, perhaps even to himself, about being “okay” with that. As Yuuki said once long ago to Kaname, he shouldn’t lie to himself and pretend it’s okay when it clearly isn’t (for fuck’s sake, Kaname destroyed his life). But Yuuki seems content to allow herself to be lied to now, so that shows you how much has changed since Night 49.

Zero’s been in denial about his prospects with Yuuki. Clearly he spent the 50+ years of pining in VKM 9 hoping that once they became official, things would get better. VKM 13 confirms that this cycle of Yuuki moping about “things” (re: Kaname) will continue in perpetuity. 

He is no longer satisfied with Yuuki’s blood as his only source of romantic connection with her, given how he treats her blood this chapter. It’s still tasty, but it’s not filling. 

His hope for a better future has died. This is evident by the fact that he says what he wishes from her when he dies here. He’s given up on them as a couple. What that means, of course, remains to be seen. 

Yuuki’s Deliberate Deflections and Insecurities

Now, we know less about Yuuki in VKM than we do about Zero. So unlike with Zero, it’s hard to gauge how much of what she says is “true” and how much is a lie or half-truth. As such, that makes it harder to interpret her and easier to give her a pass.

On the surface, Hino tries to paint her as this oblivious person who has no clue what’s going on. I would buy this interpretation if not for VKM 9 and if not for Night 66. Yuuki is a master at pretending to be obtuse when she knows people want something from her she’s unwilling to give, but she’s fully conscious of what she’s doing when she withholds and hides behind being “dense” and people forgiving her for it. 

Now there are two ways to view Yuuki this chapter, and I think both are valid until further notice. 

One is that she genuinely has been moping about Zero potentially dying all this time (even back when Zero thought she was moping about Kaname during VKM 9). In this scenario, she would have no clue that she’s just made it impossible for Zero to ever talk about Kaname, because she’s being honest with Zero about what she was thinking about during the ceremony. Thus her confession about how she thinks her wish is selfish and unfair to him would be in this case honest. And I think this interpretation is certainly valid, because the way Hino frames Yuuki in this scene is pretty open. The only “dishonest” aspect perhaps surrounds the panel where her eye gets weird, but that can be attributed to either her hyper-anxiety about losing Zero surfacing or something related to the master/servant bond with Kaname surfacing. This interpretation is also in line with VKM 9, where we see that after funerals she drinks excessively from Zero to the point that he basically calls it “funeral duty.” It would also be in line with her forcefeeding Zero in VKM 12 and her openly spying on him and her fears getting triggered after Aidou’s comment to him in VKM 12. 

In this interpretation, the fact that she does still genuinely believe wishing eternal life upon him is a curse for him shows that she isn’t seeing him properly and clearly still has some fears and misconceptions about him due to the original series. This is, as @soulisthirsty points out in her posts I linked above in the close-up subtext section, likely due to the fact that Yuuki has never talked to Zero about those final days of Kaname’s life and the terrible things she did--stealing Zero’s memories against his will, sleeping with Kaname, betraying Zero (we know Yuuki saw that as a betrayal of Zero because she says she and Kaname have no “right” to face Zero in Night 90). So this would set up a natural misunderstanding between her and Zero--she has spent the past 70+ years thinking she’s unworthy of Zero and wanting him anyway, while Zero has spent the past 70+ years thinking she doesn’t love him as much as her blood says she does. 

However, my problem with this interpretation of Yuuki is that it doesn’t account for her confession in VKM 9 when she clearly states she won’t let Zero go and won’t let their relationship move forward, implying she’s been fully cognizant all along of what’s bothering Zero. It also doesn’t account for her playing coy in VKM 10 when Zero tries to pin her down on what she means by “restart,” nor does it account for her suddenly “offering her bed” to him in VKM 12. 

So that leads us to the second potential interpretation of Yuuki in VKM 13, and that is that Zero is right--she is hiding behind her genuine fears about his life in order to not address her deeper issues. This interpretation includes the one above, but it also adds to it a new dimension--that of Yuuki being duplicitous in her attempts to keep Zero at her side but not face herself and Kaname. So her confession of her fears in VKM 13 by this interpretation would be true--she does think these things--but Zero is also right--at the moment he noticed at the wedding, she was thinking of Kaname or of something related to Kaname. 

This could be for a variety of reasons unrelated to “love” or “pining” of course--it could just be that wedding vows trigger her master/servant bond for all we know. The larger point is that clearly something “more” was going on there than just Yuuki innocently fearing for Zero’s life. Weddings shouldn’t make her fear for Zero’s life anyway--she should be thinking about her own marriage, which is what weddings do to single people. This would naturally make her think of the failed engagement to Kaname and perhaps bring up some “what ifs,” and it would also make her think about why her own relationship with Zero isn’t moving to this phase. 

But whatever it was she was actually thinking about, it wasn’t something she feels she can talk to Zero about. Zero knows it and she knows it. She never once contradicts him when he says her curse is her own. She well knows it. And she continues thinking so even after he bites her. Nothing changes in her perception by the end of VKM 13. Whatever she was moping about at the beginning is still there to be moped about. 

In brief, this is what I think is going on with Yuuki:

She hates herself for not being able to love Kaname.

She potentially resents Zero for being the reason she couldn’t love Kaname. 

She’s confused about whatever it is that’s going on with the master/servant bond. 

She’s still genuinely afraid of being alone and selfishly wants “someone” by her side.

She still does have some unknown feelings for Zero and genuinely is afraid that he’ll die before she can be able to have a life with him. (This is probably the true reason why she fears his death, rather than just general fear. That he’ll die before she can be free to love him.)

Based on how she was acting in VKM 12, I suspect she’s afraid Zero’s going to leave her full stop. Confessing she’s afraid of him dying may be a way to keep him with her a little longer and may stall his decision to leave. 

Now I mentioned up in section on the first scene that I think Yuuki might be testing Zero a bit to see if his issues are what she fears. She’s already checked off “hates Purebloods still” from the list. In VKM 13′s final scene, she checks off two other things: “doesn’t want to live forever as a thing he hates” and “thinks my blood is evil.” Zero basically tells her what she told Kaname in Night 49--go ahead and tarnish him, he’ll fall together with her. 

With this in mind, my interpretation of Yuuki’s final lines in the chapter are more about her accepting that Zero’s issues have nothing to do with the things that are easy for her to address or deal with. So she tells him go ahead and take all the things she can give him, because she still can’t give him anything else that he wants, so at the very least she can keep extending his life with the blood that has been nothing but a curse to him. And the curse she means, in my opinion, is that he loves her and she’s so deeply unworthy of him on every level. 

So basically, in the end of this scene Yuuki must face that Zero’s issues are about the things she refuses to deal with him honestly about--the events of the original series, her feelings, and Kaname. And this is why she’s in so much pain, because these are the very things she was hoping to avoid forever. 

Here are a few of the things I feel we can now say about Yuuki in VKM:

She’ll keep dodging to the end of time and picking up new excuses to avoid addressing the enormous elephant in the room.

She’s not interested in finding happiness or moving forward. Instead, she’s interested in punishing herself (and by extension Zero) for what happened to Kaname. Why this is the case is up for speculation at this point. 

All Yuuki has to offer Zero at this point is her blood. And with this chapter, he’s confirmed for her that soon her blood won’t be enough. As with Kaname in Night 66/67, Yuuki’s “restart” has begun to fail due to her own inability to open up the romantic part of her life to her partner. Zero subsisted on nothing but her blood for an entire human lifespan, and that’s clearly not enough for him anymore. She can no longer use it as a bargaining chip to distract him from the lack of intimacy.

Yuuki does not want intimacy with Zero. She tries to push his hand away from her waist and tries to keep her shirt from slipping. If she truly loves this man and wants to restart with him, why’s she being all shy? It’s not like she hasn’t had sex before. This is a red flag for their relationship.

Who’s More Reprehensible?

This is probably a weird thing to end this section with, but I wanted to briefly touch on who I feel, out of Zero and Yuuki, is the most reprehensible character and why.

I want it to be clear that Zero’s behavior in this chapter is absolutely reprehensible, and right up there with Kaname’s behavior in Nights 61 and 90. (I think Night 90 still wins, since it was in public, but that can be debated of course.)

However, Zero’s pretty much been driven to this by Yuuki. Now, interestingly, Kaname blamed Yuuki for driving most of his behavior in the original series, but actually Yuuki was mostly blameless--Kaname expected too much too quickly from her. That’s not the case with Zero.

Zero waits for her. Patiently. Without complaint. For nearly 70 years (4 years pregnancy, 16 years Ai’s youth up to VKM 3, 50 years post-VKM 3 until Yori’s death) Zero abided by Yuuki’s rules for their relationship and slowly clung to the hope that one day, somehow, they would be able to become like Aidou and Yori.

And then that day came, and nothing changed. Yuuki’s still becoming withdrawn and moody, she’s still withholding as a partner, she only offers her bed when it’s convenient to her and no actual intimacy. She rejects intimacy and doesn’t instigate it or invite it. Their relationship is cold; they might as well be roommates rather than lovers.

On top of this, Yuuki has never once said she loves Zero. She has never spoken her feelings to him, not during any of his confessions. She’s never corrected his assumptions about Kaname, at least not the ones he’s spoken to her. Even her restart confession basically outlined that Kaname’s first in her thoughts and Zero and Ai merely are bandaids “saving” her from thinking about Kaname forever. She doesn’t appreciate Zero openly (as we see from how shocked Zero is by Aidou caring about him in VKM 12). She deflects all his attempts to open their relationship up to be something more mutual.

She fully admits to stringing him along in VKM 9 and then offers him a candy bar with the restart only to give him more of the same. Zero has the patience of a saint, but he’s not a saint, and a 70-year-old virgin is eventually going to get pretty fed up that his lover isn’t interested in having a relationship with him. Especially not when she was more than willing to hop into bed with his enemy much sooner. 

We don’t know yet why Yuuki’s chosen to treat Zero like this. But most certainly Zero doesn’t know either, because Yuuki’s stopped communicating entirely and every time he tries to talk she shuts him down or clams up. Thus, despite Zero’s behavior being physically abusive this chapter (despite it being an anomaly in the 50+ years of his life during VKM so far), in my opinion Yuuki triggered its inevitability and brought it on herself by stringing him along for so long and continuing to do so even after the restart. She’s been unnecessarily cruel to him--even Ruka has been better to Kain than Yuuki’s been to Zero, and Ruka’s settling for Kain. Zero’s supposed to be the person who stopped Yuuki from truly loving Kaname, and the very reason Kaname got butthurt enough to rip out his heart in the first place. For a guy she’s supposed to love, she sure isn’t acting like she does. 

And before anyone accuses me of being a secret Kaname-apologist plant, let me assure you that I’m only pointing this out because this is a problem I see in Yuuki as a character, not because I’ve suddenly gained a liking for abusive relationships in my old age. I expect Hino to address the discrepancies here--why is she treating a man she’s supposed to truly love “worse” than a man she didn’t love? There needs to be something more to explain this than merely “master/servant’ bond and “Yuuki’s dumb.” And I expect that to be explored before I’ll be able to enjoy Zeki again. 

Parallels: VKM 13′s first and last scene bookends and Nights 49 & 61

I’m putting this in its own section simply because I want to highlight it and it doesn’t exactly fit above. There are quite a few scene parallels going on here because we’re still rushing through the Kuran Manor arc redux. First I’ll address the parallels between VKM 13′s first two scenes, then between VKM 13′s final scene and Nights 49 and 61.

The VKM 13 Bookends

Hino’s pretty good about bookend scenes. We’re clearly meant to compare/contrast VKM 13′s opening scene with it’s finale scene. Here’s what I found:

The first shot we see is Yuuki and Zero looking at each other on the title page. The last shot we see is them embracing but not mutually, nor are they looking at each other. 

Yuuki attacks Zero in the first scene, only to be rebuffed gently. Zero attacks Yuuki in the final scene, with no resistance from Yuuki. 

The first scene takes its time and slowly unfolds for the reader to give a sense of romance. The final scene rushes through what actually occurs over a long span of time to give a sense of chaos and urgency.

Yuuki confesses her fears to Zero about his feelings in the first scene and he delicately and honestly handles them in the correct way, reassuring her of how his feelings have evolved by playfully tousling her hair. Yuuki confesses her fears to Zero about his feelings in the final scene and he agrees with her and assaults her with no playfulness.

Yuuki comes away from the first scene more at peace with the situation than when she started it, though she’s clearly still concerned about something. She comes away from the final scene with no indication that she feels any more peaceful, and in fact she seems to feel worse. 

Zero responds to Yuuki’s fears correctly in the first scene and incorrectly in the second. 

A deliberate contrast like this in the same chapter is necessary to help people both recall that Zero’s generally a good man (and thus his actions at the end of VKM 13 are out of character and something to take note of) and to demonstrate that Zero and Yuuki can communicate in a more healthy way ordinarily. The parallels otherwise remain superficial, but the key takeaway is that things are “right” in the first scene and “wrong” in the last. 

VKM 13 vs. Nights 49 & 61

Several Kuran Manor arc parallels in this scene. I’m just going to list them:

Hino has multiple shots of just Zero’s eye in VKM 13, which is exactly like what she does with Kaname in Night 49. 

Hino eroticizes Yuuki’s expressions during the biting section of VKM 13, which mirror her expressions in Night 49 (also a scene where she “gave in” to a partner’s desires despite being upset/guilty herself rather than loving).

The blood splatters on Yuuki in VKM 13 mirror the multiple bites from Kaname in Night 61. 

Yuuki caressing Zero’s face and confessing her fears mirrors her reactions to Kaname in Night 61.

Yuuki’s weakened from the extreme blood loss in VKM 13 exactly as she was in Night 61.

Zero’s surface reason for egregiously biting Yuuki in VKM 13 mirrors Kaname’s surface reason for egregiously biting her in Night 61.

The parallels to the Kuran Manor arc are important because it shows that Zero’s behavior is wrong no matter the context. Kaname had “reasons” for treating Yuuki badly too, but those reasons aren’t excuses and shouldn’t be used as excuses. Just because Yuuki gives in to the abuse doesn’t make the abuse right. But that’s all I want to say on this subject for now, because this post is literally a novella now and I’m tired of writing it. 

The End Of The Line

So to sum up, this was in my opinion a horrible chapter and a blight on Zeki as a pairing and I expect Hino to clear it up immediately and stop dragging her damn feet. 

Otherwise, we’re going along quite well as far as narrative trajectory goes. I see one of two things happening: either a.) Hino keeps dragging this shit out and doesn’t let Zero leave or b.) she lets Zero leave finally. We may or may not get an apology, but if we don’t get an apology I will officially be done with the ship, though for personal reasons I’m not leaving the fandom until the end. Zero’d better apologize for this shit. It’s inexcusable; I don’t care how badly Yuuki’s treated him or how much she deserves it, I expect better from him. If I were his grandmother, that’s what I’d say to him.

@soulisthirsty mentioned to me that she thinks next chapter would be perfect for a Zeki breakup, as it’s conveniently the end of Volume 3. That would be the best Christmas present I could receive. This “restart” has been nothing but a joke and the sooner Zeki breaks up, the sooner we can have a genuine move toward a real relationship.

At this point, I feel that Yuuki doesn’t love anyone. I don’t think her actions imply she loves Zero anymore. I don’t think she loves Kaname. I think she’s a confused, unhappy woman who needs to sort herself out. A break up would do this for her--I think in order to actualize herself she needs to face her fears of being alone and overcome them. She’s been sitting on these fears since arc 1 of the original series, and in order to be a true heroine she’s got to overcome them to earn her happy ending.

Ideally, I’d like them to break up for 50-100 years. I’d like to see Zero actually try dating other girls, maybe even sleeping with them, maybe even having a family/kids of his own who are human. I’d like to see Yuuki try to live her life alone and lie in the bed she’s made for herself. I’d like to see her start appreciating the life Zero gave her. I could easily see Hino covering this span of time within 2-3 chapters if she wanted to (so in volume 4), then allowing the drama over the Vampire King to bring Zero and Yuuki naturally back into each other’s orbits, where they can fall in love naturally for the first time, both of them healed and whole.

But likely what we’ll get is a rebenching where Zero just uses the Vampire King as an excuse to put the relationship on cool down and have them go back to meeting at the bench. He’ll probably start looking for ways to revive Kaname, leading to the cure debacle. This will likely force Yuuki to have to at least deal with something regarding her feelings, whatever it is that finally makes her capable of sleeping with Zero to conceive Ren. *sigh* 

Zero, just realize that your true love is Aidou! Please! I beg you! *sigh*

Anyway, I can’t believe I made it through this monstrous chapter. I feel absolutely exhausted. Whoever makes it through this thing has my sincerest gratitude and admiration. But for now, I’m calling it quits. 

Until next time!

[chicagocityofclans]

Catherine ‘Cat’ Barr → Jade Tailor→ Warlock

→ Basic Information 

Age: 328

Gender: Female 

Sexuality: Bisexual 

Powers: Compass

Birthday: January 14th 

Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

Religion: Luciferianism

Mark: Unknown 

Generation: 1st 

→ Her Personality

Cat has a strong personality. She can be cold with a detached attitude, trying to ward off potential friends or feelings, preventing any sort of attachment because of previous betrayals. Cat is incredibly outspoken with her opinions and thoughts without much regard to others feelings. This may stem from the fact that she is far more advanced in magic than others under her mentor and has shown to possess a more comprehensive grasp of magic than most warlocks or witches her age. She has also proven herself as a loyal and effective member of the warlock and witch society, though her anger management issues and lack of empathy terrify most of her associates. Many are willing to overlook this as she is the best (and only) tracker in town.

She has buried the trauma from her younger life so deeply that it has begun to affect her power, especially as she transitions into her Master level abilities. Cat is unable to have people in her life without a reason; they aren’t friends for the sake of being friends, they all have a specific use for her. Her impatience and hostility keep most people away and she has very few if any meaningful feelings for the people in her life. All of this feeds the deep insecurity created before she found her powers. It seeps into her daily life often, though she uses it as motivation in her training and advancement as a Compass. She gains her internal power from her magic. Before she was a scared little girl who lost the ones she loved; now she can move across the world, find anyone she wants, and has the power to take her loved ones back.

→ Her Personal Facts

Occupation: Cross Country Teleporter at Shutter Magic International Imports & Export

Scars: None

Tattoos: Lady trapped in a dreamcatcher on her right shoulder blade

Two Likes: Travel and Energy Drinks

Two Dislikes: Pink and Unsweet Tea

Two Fears: Planes and Other Forms of Transportation 

Two Hobbies: Poker and Camping

Three Positive Traits: Trustworthy, Intelligent, Level-headed

Three Negative Traits: Hostile, Impatient, Insecure

→ Her Connections

Parent Names:

Jane Barr (Mother): Her mother was the sweetest thing on Earth. And because of that she never amounted to anything. Jane was used by friends and family over and over again. Cat grew up bitter, seeing the unfairest of the world and wants to be nothing like her mother. Cat loved her mother and still mourns her death.

Sibling Names:

None

Children Names:

Isabelle Kentlee (Daughter): Cat was only able to hold her daughter for a few seconds before Isabelle’s father took her away. They took a boat ride back to England but never made it. Cat’s mother, Jane, helped her mourn her loss.

Romantic Connections:

William Kentlee (Ex-Boyfriend): William was a rich Englishmen that Cat fell in love with. Sadly, once William found out Cat was pregnant, he wanted her to abort the child in order to save himself from humiliation back home; his wife and family. When Cat decided to keep the child, William made plans to bring the child back home with him. William never made it back to England. 

Jace Cicero (Mutual Interest): She has some feelings for Jace, but he’s been there mostly as a current and future resource for her. He has extensive knowledge about the council, various powers, as well as Minsky’s plans for her. She also knows that when she comes back with her daughter she’ll need someone to stand for her when the council brings her to trial. 

Platonic Connections:

Minsky Edison (Mentor): Cat has grown increasingly irritated with Minsky since she’s transitioned into her Master level. He has grown overly cautious and she feels like he’s overanalyzing her every move. She needed him to teach her the basic powers, but now he’s beginning to step outside of his bounds.

Raven Anderson (Resource): They met at a ‘Women’s Rights’ protest and exchanged numbers. Cat and Raven often teleport together to marches, rallies and protests. Her friendship with Raven was calculated so she’d have an in with a hunter, but she’s certain Raven is using her too.

Ronan Cleirigh (Employer): Ronan lets her get away with everything Minsky doesn’t, including lending her books about reality searching and black magic. 

Audo Wilhelm (Resource): Cat does monthly readings with Audo to try and uncover what her future holds. He’s been having some challenges getting a clear future for her, and whether she has a child with her or not has eluded him.  

Judson Cleirigh (Resource): Cat has been stockpiling various supplies she may need for Isabelle from Judson’s store. She’s unsure what powers or health problems her daughter may have and she needs to be prepared for the first few years in hiding. Judson has made joking comments, but she has a feeling that he knows something about to happen.

Eric Lasiter (Resource): Eric has been helping her transmutate a house for her and Isabelle to live in once she gets back. She teleports him to an anonymous location, he works for an agreed amount of hours and then she brings him back. A good paycheck and sympathy over his own lost daughters is the driving force behind their partnership.

Hostile Connections:

Maya ‘Flower’ Hanes (Dislike): Cat hates her face.

Kady Gaines (Hate): Cat has inquired multiple times to Kady to have her help in finding a universe where she could take her daughter back with the fewest consequences. Kady has flat out refused each time she asked without hearing her whole plea.

Nikita Platt (Hate): Cat thinks Nikita is a stuck up princess who has no respect for privacy. She accidentally stumbled across a memory of Cat’s and told Minsky what she found.

Pets:

None

→ History

Catherine Barr grew up feeling trapped. Her town was small, filled with small minded people who were hell bent on hating her and her mother. The scandal of Jane Barr falling pregnant as an unmarried woman was loud and put a lot of undue prejudice against Cat and Jane. Still in the face of everything, Jane was always kind. She would ignore the hate spewed at her and still act as kind as ever to the villagers. It was something she both hated and loved about her mother. She wished she would stand up for herself, and she wondered what was wrong with her that she wasn’t the same way. She felt the anger boil in her stomach, the protest rose in her throat, the desire to just disappear whenever the townspeople came close to her. When she was 18, a rich Englishman came to town. She brushed it off as another terrible town person, but was surprised when he sought her out. William Kentlee made Cat feel free. He had grand stories of London and the places he’d been. He brought food and presents for herself and her mother when he came calling. He made the terrible town she was stuck in feel brighter and better. She fell in love and gave William everything. 

And then she fell pregnant. The original thought terrified her, but then she imagined her and William’s children running around his family’s home in England, her mother coming with to take care of the children; a fantasy life as Mrs. William Kentlee. When she told him he erupted in anger, called her foolish and told her to get rid of the baby. He screamed about his wife and children at home. Then he left, for months on a fur trade in Quebec. She couldn’t hurt this child inside of her and carried the baby to term. Cat named her Isabelle after a character in a book that William gave her. When Mr. Kentlee arrived back he tore through the Barr house, stealing Isabelle and heading to the first boat to London. Cat was completely broken, Jane tried to put the pieces back together but nothing fit without Isabelle. She swore she would get Isabelle back, even if she had to go to England to do it. She found multiple jobs, working as hard as she could to save up the money. And then news of a terrible accident on the boat happened and Cat fell apart again. 

She wandered into the woods, hoping to never come back out to the world again. She walked in circles, days and nights only to arrive back to where she started near her mother’s home. Each time she became more and more frustrated. She always knew where to go, always knew where to look, even if she didn’t want to go there. One day during an attempt to get lost she spotted a woman in the middle of the forest. She hid behind a tree and watched her with a fawn who had been shot by a hunter. The deer had been dead when Cat crossed it the first time, no life in its eyes. Yet when the woman touched it, it stood and ran off. Cat had never much believed God was on her side, but that must have been the work of an angel. As if she’d heard her thoughts, the woman looked right at her and came walking towards her. She called out in a British tone which only made Cat run harder, until suddenly a large birch crashed down in front of her, dead, though it had been alive moments before. She swung around and suddenly the woman was in front of her. Cat attempted to run again, but the woman held tight and began her story of witches and warlocks and magic. When the woman said she could raise the dead or steal something’s life her heart caught in her throat. She told the woman the story of her baby, begging her to bring her back to life. The woman shook her head sadly and explained the rules. She grabbed Cat and in the next moment they were in a fancy room thousands of miles away. Cat was unable to return to her mother and at that moment began training. She spent her first 100 years in Edinburgh, with Adaline Mortimer, the necromancer, before escaping back to Canada after she was murdered. She made her way back to her small town to find everything was different and her childhood cottage destroyed. She moved to New York and then to Chicago. After years of being on her own, she found Minsky Edison and asked him to train her. 

→ The Present

Cat has somewhat recently begun training for her Master level powers. She mastered her Advanced by her late 200s and pushed hard to have Minsky begin training her early. Kindred Tracking and Reality Searching have been the two driving forces of motivation for her powers. Cat is sure that Minsky is suspicious of her motives, causing a larger strife than what was already between them. While she is sure Minsky is worried about her safety and the repercussions of her actions; Cat has been carefully planning on taking Isabelle from another universe where the alternate Catherine is dead or dying, Isabelle succeeded the trip back to England, where Isabelle is being mistreated or abused, and other possibilities where Cat agreed it was safe to take Isabelle. Not only has she made multiple extraction plans but she has begun building a safe house and working with the local Council member to possibly avoid harsh sentencing if caught. 

She knows that she has very few if any true friends in Chicago, and that isn’t enough to make anyone save her life when it comes down to it. She’s trying to offer more of herself in the various relationships she has. It became incredibly apparent when Eric asked if she would really raise the baby alone, with no outside contact. And when Audo asked what happened after she got the baby. Would she be happy? She wants to reach out and actually trust another person, but doesn’t know how to start.

Cat also has to deal with Minsky and the rest of the council encouraging her to sign up for the new beta testing for Kindred Tracking. They wanted to flush out family lines past the superficiality of marks, and they needed a Compass to try and develop beyond being able to see their bloodlines. Cat is playing the part of studying extra, practicing the motions, meditating over new magic. But the whole idea seems like a wild goose chase set in motion by Minsky to keep her distracted.

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Jade Tailor [1] [2] [3]

[devilsclergy]

50 Questions, answered.

Putting this under a cut for length. Since SOMEONE requested all of them. 

01. What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded?

The answer is both! Endō Haru (遠藤春)

The surname Endō comes from Japanese 遠 (en) “distant” and 藤 (to, do or fuji) “wisteria." 

His given name, Haru comes from Japanese 陽 (haru) meaning "light, sun, male”, 春 (haru) meaning “spring” or 晴 (haru) meaning “clear weather.” I chose the character for spring.

In relation to him, the significance of his name is in the Wisteria’s symbolism:

“The wisteria plant is known to live for upwards of a hundred years, even living centuries. Because of its extensive lifespan and elegance, the wisteria is thought to be a symbol for wisdom. Throughout its life, the wisteria plant grows increasingly larger. It expands as it takes on new wisdom and experiences. The long vines of the plants are forever extending to seek new knowledge.

A final note from the wisteria plant symbolic meaning is one of nostalgia and memory. The wisteria is witness to several generations and absorbs lessons from every time period. The plant knows that valuable lessons are hidden away in our pasts and that we can learn from previous mistakes and the mistakes of those who came before us. Take these mishaps and turn them into strengths. Like the plant, practice strength and resilience." 

All of these factors are key, important pieces of Haru’s character that play into how he interacts with others and approaches his daily life.

02. What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness?

Probably his kindness or naiveté. Haru likes to portray himself as a neutral, clinically minded fellow who makes all decisions based on logic and reason. He spent much of his teenage and adult life studying, reading, experimenting, and assisting his father in his work, which led to a lack of certain social graces. Knowing that he lacks in “street smarts” is unsettling to someone so concerned with accuracy and depth of understanding. And ultimately, his kind nature often allows for him to be taken advantage of, or to put others’ safety before his own.

03. What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves?

Probably his eyes, as they are like his mother’s.

04. What are their favorite traits about their lover? (one psychological and one physical)

If he had a lover, it would very likely be their cunning or intellect, as Haru is invariably drawn by those who intrigue him mentally. As for physical, that would vary person to person, so it’s hard to pin down. 


05. Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type?

Most definitely shy, as he is incredibly inexperienced. 

06. Do they have any hobbies that their lover finds unusual, odd, or otherwise annoying?


Probably his tendency to obsessively clean his surroundings. Again, if he had a lover.

07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)?

“Mmn.” or tongue clicking while he works. 


08. What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it?

Haru’s biggest flaw is his inability to see his own worth, and, how that manifests itself in his actions. For example, he is extremely observant and keen in picking up others’ feelings or motives, even if they are well hidden or orchestrated in a way meant to deceive. As such, he is likely to put faith in them where others may not, sometimes to his own disadvantage. By not being able to see how valuable his insights, skills, and person are, he diminishes himself. 


09. Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday?

Haru’s favourite season is spring, when everything is at the height of beauty. 


10. Is your character more feminine or masculine?

He’s pretty masculine in the standard sense; his style of dress, the way he carries himself, and how he speaks. But he is quite sensitive and emotional under the surface, as level-headed as he attempts to remain. 

11. What is something that would make your character fly into a rage?

Haru’s anger is rare and difficult to incite. But someone he cares about being careless with their own life or making a decision that would put themselves or others he cares for in danger would likely do the trick. Or, if he is helpless to prevent such danger from befalling them. 


12. Is there some particular talent, skill, or attribute that they simply could not give up?


Haru would not be the same without his skills with white magic and talent for aether sciences. The core of what drives him, his thirst for knowledge and desire to turn that knowledge into useful advancements, has heavily influenced who he is and what he wants to become. He also would not wish to survive without his ability to perform certain types of white magic, for it would have meant the loss of a dear friend.

13. What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker?


Haru sleeps heavily, typically. Once he’s in a comfortable position he won’t move much, but if he had a lover, he’d most likely gravitate toward them. He’s rather warm-bodied, so blankets are usually light or he will kick them off partially. He only talks sometimes, explicitly when having nightmares.

14. Do they live alone or with family? How do they feel about their family/roommates?


Haru lives alone. Until recently, it was a non-issue, but he is starting to experience a degree of loneliness beyond “kinda wish I had someone to share a meal with”. His father and any other relatives live back in Kugane.

15. Is there a certain person in this world that they cannot stand? The very mention of this person’s name makes them tremble with anger or fear.

He’s not the kind of person who really holds grudges or gets angered easily. So at the moment, there is no such person. But there are whispers a certain person may be entering his life soon whom could fall into this category. :^)

16. Is your character the athletic type or more of a couch potato? What are some sports/games that they like?


He isn’t lazy, and his line of work requires him to be up and about much of the time. He practices his swordsmanship when he has down time and when he is at work, he’s actively moving around or fighting. He does like to play triple triad, chess, and sand volleyball (do they have volleyballs in Hydaelyn?) occasionally. 

17. Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children?

Haru has never fantasized about the ideas of marriage and a family, but it is not totally off his radar. However, the current involvements that he has professionally may deem him unable to pursue those interests. He’s far too busy to go chasing after kids, at the very least.


18. What kind of home would they want to live in? Where would they place this abode?

His current home is in the Mists Topmast apartment complex, which suits him just fine, but he would not mind having a nice, secluded home in Shirogane or the Lavender Beds. 


19. Would your character be the kind to get into fights? (physical or verbal) Would they be a good fighter or cave in rather easily?


Haru is not overtly aggressive physically or in temperament. He can hold his own in a fight, however. 

20. Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals? Would they want pets? What about mythological creatures?

He does like animals! Lots of types, actually. He’s studied a vast array of things in his pursuits of intellect, so he has had the opportunity to meet/interact with some of Eorzea’s strangest and more obscure creatures. His favourites include, but are not limited to, unicorns, bandersnatches, narbrooi, syrictae, and drakes. Of all the creatures he’s heard of, the ones he remains most interested in, are dragons. He’s also very fond of cats.

21. What is one of your character’s biggest fears? How would they react when dealing with this fear?

Haru is absolutely afraid of failing to protect, heal, or otherwise prevent mortal bodily harm to someone he cares for. He will typically show signs of distress, anxiety, and tends to raise his voice at those who go against what would be in their best interest. He does try to keep all of these things at bay, though, because he knows if he loses control, or loses focus, things could get much worse.


22. What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have?


Haru has both horns pierced, but is devoid of any tattoos. He has a few scars littered across his body, and a crystal burn on his hands. This is why he is often wearing gloves. His largest scar stems from his left shoulder down to his elbow joint on the anterior side of his body. 

23. What is your character like when it comes to school? What subjects are they good/bad at? Do they get in trouble a lot or are well behaved?


Haru. Loves. Scholastics. He would be the kid at every book fair, every spelling bee, and every mathlete competition. He is least skilled in creative writing, but all things scientific, mathematic, and chemically related, he excels at. And he is a perfect angel what are you talking about.

24. In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like?

He doesn’t have a lover. 


25. Is there something traumatic from your character’s past that greatly affects them even to this day?

Yes. Yes, very much. Like he has night terrors a few times out of the week about those events. Get to know him IC and it may be revealed to you (highly unlikely).

26. What is their lover like sexually? How do they feel about their lover’s quirks, needs, etc?


I can just feel Haru blushing. See question 24.

27. If your character was going to get arrested, what would be the most likely reason for it?

Black market trade, probably.


28. If your character became a celebrity, what would they be famous for?

A Nobel prize for inventing some incredible aetherial mechanism. Or a drug which actually cures all ailments and/or prevents mortal death. 


29. What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one?

Faced his own fear of going into the sea, learning to swim. 


30. When it comes to the arts (music, film, theater, etc), what does your character like?

Haru likes music and theater. Most entertaining live performances he is fond of.

31. Would your character be the kind capable of killing? Would they enjoy killing or only use it when necessary or, perhaps, refuse to kill no matter what?

Haru tends to be a thinker, which means he tends to believe that any conflict can be resolved without violence. But he is not so naive to believe that everyone shares his views, and he understands that, unfortunately, sometimes violence is the only answer. He would avoid killing anyone who is innocent at all costs, but if it meant saving someone he knew intimately or loved, he would. It would haunt him, though. It would eat away at him.


32. If your character’s lover offered to take them out on a dream date, what would they want to do?


He would probably want to visit some ruins he had not yet been privy to see.

33. If your character wanted to be alone, where would they go?

His apartment, or to the beach in the middle of the night. 


34. Does your character have favorite foods? (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks, etc)


Haru mostly enjoys foods that remind him of his childhood home, so traditional dishes like soba, yakitori, rice and eggs, sukiyaki, and dumplings. But he enjoys cooking and therefore has experimented with Eorzean dishes like meuniere.

35. Is your character afraid of death? If they got to choose how to die, how would they want to go?

He’s not afraid to die, but I don’t think he’s looking to go anytime soon. If he could choose, it would be while protecting someone he cares for.

36. Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life?

None.


37. What are some of your character’s pet peeves? What are some things that annoy them or disgust them?


Haru is a bit neurotic; he likes things to be neat, symmetrical, and aligned just-so. He also dislikes messy or noisy eaters. 

38. What kind of weather does your character like? Cloudy skies, rainy days, sunshine, etc?


Haru enjoys rain, but it carries with it a nostalgia of sorts for him. 

39. When people look at your character, is there some assumption they might make about them just by appearance? Is that assumption correct?

That he’s a nerd, and yes they would be correct.


40. Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy? Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others?

He loves to study the effects of potions and herbs on beastkin and mankind alike. This has… led to some embarrassing discoveries and interactions. He also loves a good, hot bath and will not miss an opportunity to indulge in one. I wouldn’t say that is a secret, though.

41. Does your character’s family affect your character in any way?

His relationship with his mother and father greatly affect how Haru behaves to this day, in very differing ways. These are things I prefer for people to discover through interaction with Haru, though, so I won’t go into detail.


42. Is there anything in your character’s past that they regret, haunts them, or they wish they could change?


Yep. See question 25.

43. Does your character have a switch that changes aspects of their personality whether they are around friends, family, etc. Is there someone who gets to see their true self?


There have been very few to see the side of Haru that is not completely reserved, professional, serious, and task-minded. The switch for him is emotional, but it’s hard to say how to illicit it. It could be triggered by different things.

44. Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character?

The death or murder of one of his close friends or allies. 


45. Is your character the kind to hide their true emotions or do they wear their heart on their sleeve?

Haru tends to keep things hidden most of the time.

46. What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover?

Read: he doesn’t have a lover, and this would probably vary person to person.


47. Is your character outgoing? Would they be the leader of the friend group, or the quiet one that gets dragged along?


Haru is a bit shy and very reserved, so he would be the one who is dragged along and forced to interact. Or alternatively, he would be the one who is approached for conversation more likely than being the one to initiate it.

48. Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious?


He does not really experience jealousy, as he is not a very possessive person.

49. What is something that your character has nightmares about? Are these frequent? Do they heavily affect your character’s mood?

Well, since this is probably the 4th time it was asked, I suppose I can shed some light. Haru experienced a tragedy with a close friend years ago during an experiment they were conducting. It was Haru’s fault, and he has never forgiven himself for it. When he has a night terror about it, it usualy leaves him aching and lonely in ways inexplicable, and he will usually resort to smoking to soothe his nerves. This is one of two incidents he would have a nightmare about.


50. If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say? 

He would probably blush and stumble over his words and avoid doing it all-together. But if he really wanted them to know… Haru would tell them how they occupy his mind so much that he cannot focus on his work, and that it’s really a problem but it’s a problem he doesn’t seem to mind having.  Tagged by: @vylbrand Tagging: All y’all @vylbrand @rgael @ff14vamir 

[11toe11-blog]

Baal ki Khaal ~ Skin the Hair

Much happened. Well. Happenings were not much in the outer realms but conversations. Wrestles. 

Anger flung and received and flung right back. As valid counter points. 

Anger flung and received and passed on. to plates.

Hair cuts, that had nothing to lose because they were on their way to a shave.

Lets keep quiet for a few days. 

And a newspaper in print. A lock down extension. Resting lazing squirrel, ambling away when a friend visits and the woodpecker taking the couch. The corner of the tree felt like the laze zone or the park bench.

I thought there would be so much to write about yesterday. Nothing much other than the haircuts, and the image of the trees, and sharing measurements with mom with the big Homelite matchbox as the yardstick, planning to start stitching lessons with mom starting thursday, and long conversation with S. And in the long wrestle that spanned weeks many, something of a comprehension of each other however elusive to attempts at articulation.

I catch a glimpse of my own bias and victimhood tape, projecting reprojecting on the other. Of Course and the other’s projection on me. Conversation on mental health. And responsibility. Important conversations, sure. But cannot happen unless we mutually reach a moment in time. Otherwise it's preaching, one to the other. Or pleading.

And like that yesterday went. 40 degree R announces now. 

___

Today starts.

Body. stretches. Observer. 

Mind going on playing in loop the images from films and clips and virtual news and people. Notice the observer. 

Can I watch the watchman? More profound words were never spoken, again and again in different ways. Can one watch the watch-man?

Can one watch the time-man?

Identities. Association. Disassociation.

A dancer stretching out, working on the split, stretches the psoas and pouring out memories. Identities stored in there. (Gesture of the menstruating woman with open stretched crouching core- has much story to tell, i hear)

Two people attempting suicide, with only one slot available at the moment in deadlands, arguing who needs to be successful.

Memories of a blue colour top, a hand me down from a cousin, lasted almost a decade and past a marriage, with me. Marriage far briefer than the blue beautiful top that was distinctly european in its sleeves and neck. The friendship that continued out of the marriage vaguely trails as the memory of a person.

Identities Disassociation. Maybe one of the outcomes of trauma that points an expereincer of trauma onto the path of finding the Source, what is loosely called spiritual, or deep meaning making, is possibly the experience of the observer. In deep pain, one tends to disassociate.  Becomes at some level aware of the presence of the state of observation, ie truth ie deep meaning. And then embarks unknowingly on that journey as if having picked up a bread crumb trail.

Identities. Disassociation. For an actor that is possibly the main part of the skill building / training. Finding the ability to identify with, empathize with , step into the shoes of any character. And at the same time the ability to leave, disassociate with the identity once the role or exploration is over. Where things get very tricky, however is when we take this exercise that requires immense ability of observation and energy, into something casual. Not knowing how the back end of all this programming and deprogramming works.

Any identification can end up sticking, deep. Blurring the line between the self and the archetype evoked by such an identification. And the archetype rides out of the deep seas on the back of that identification, and spilling into life.

Any disassociation can end up in numbing out, a reverse identification. A fear of identifying with anything on account of the pain. Inability to empathise, associate, relate.

Koodu vittu koodu maral vidya. Usually referred to a shaman leaving his body to inhabit the body or form of another person or animal or being. But the very basics of which is what i suppose the actor performs in the mind scape.

Folk. Classical. Such labels for certain stages. Certain natures of mind.

The lotus flower, the petals opening in mudra is an experience. A very personal experience of opening, taking many weeks, or years to discover. As the meridians are stretched and opened and blocks released. In the body and in life. One gesture learnt is such a lived experience. 

Bansi Kaul spoke of the folk performer who could simply and easily improvise and associate with other performers. His trick according to him, as shared with Kaul is, the repertoire of gestures and songs and walks and all that he learnt from his father over time. So he pulls them out when he feels the need for that particular one, instinctively. This is language no? How we use words? Hence we associate and improvise with others in conversation. 

I wondered this morning of the richness of experience offered by each of the gestures. Richness of embodying that gesture, which holds so many layers within in. Whichever stream i am trained in or not. A human body stretching out its fingers in certain angles, creating a certain effect particular to that body and for that bodymind. 

A quote somewhere said - even if we all did the same exercises and training and ate the same things we will all still be different. Like no two mango trees are the same. No two mangoes of the same treee are the same. No two sides of the same mango taste the same. 

 I begin to, just about begin to understand language and meaning making. That too is too much to say at this point. But yea, i am not as unaware of it as i was yesterday. 

Why bother with taking the skin out of the each hair strand ? baal ki khaal? It's not so much about the baal or the khaal as much as it is about the process of understanding how all this works together. If. If one is to make a baal. But baal grows simply, without me having to make anything. And that's true. That's a stumper. Like something Ramana would say. Be still.  I suppose i am not yet still, so while i wait for that i'll fiddle with the baal.

I am pleased that the haircut of earlier threaded into the baal now. BUt exercise and body work long procrastinated waits. Do i want to show up? Yes. I am ready and oiled and bandaged and all that. But the heaviness , the womb of inertia sending up gentle lulls to my eyelids are soothing, suggesting that it's ok.. Just stay here. Keep typing into the screen. Something or the other will come and you will feel satisfied here also. 

How about looking into that suggestion of VV that he was apparently offered by AV who was offered this by RR, the behavioral scientist. To mythify one story.

The idea quite struck me when he suggested it, on hearing my return gift of my journey in response to his story of his theatre journey. It offers a fundamental shift of perspective, otherwise one is constantly trying to fit the present story into the frame of the myth, shove it all into the shoe.

This suggestion is to make a whole new shoe. With the caveat that once you write a line, you will or delete it. Hmm. That doesn't feel too difficult. Very rarely does backspace feature in this workspace except for spelling correstions.

I noticed somewhere today that when a certain emotional palette / archetype is alive, it becomes the basis of identification with whatever comes one's way. I had sensed the envy alive in me. And while watching the movie - the associations where envy was alive among characters or within the makeup of a character, kept playing back in some way. The pervert was particularly disturbing. 

Or while scrolling insta - a person whom one identifieses with, for having a certain similarity of thought or political position or  whatever, is associated with on the basis of envy. Acquiring tones of aspirational. Unconsciously maybe wanting to be where they are, be who they are, emulating their manner, attire, attitude. 

In my case i experienced it when i came across the insta profiles of GM and RK. Women. From kerala. Performers, dancers, film makers taking theri space and living it. Somewhere that's a point of identification for me, i see. And then its from the lens of envy that the rest of it plays out, stemming from this identification - aspiration, motivation ie - action.

I suppose if one has the capacity for action - then there is room for transformation of this envy, if a wider perspective is available. 

But in the event of not enough energy for action - one plummets into self loathing and deeper insecurities and depressions.

Because i see them as separate from me. If i were to place the hypothesis of the Unified self here- I am not separate from the other. So my envy of them, is an envy of my self. 

I am jealous of myself. 

What madness.

I can imagine a scene in which this person afflicted with envy - is envious of her own self in the mirror. Is envious of herself in the future. Is envious of her child self.  Tremenous dramatic potential. Shoe-rpanaka Lands not very far from Karna and Duryodhana.  This is a solid and interesting enough thread to take onto the floor now.

Any reflection of existing reality, in part, is a reflection of insanity. ONly when the reflection and reflector is vast enough to hold the totality, can sanity be reflected. 

I understand R a lil more. 

Can i explore this - with a vasness. Can i at the same time explore this at its depths.

___

 I entered not for power. I entered for insight and wisdom and illumination for myself and the whole. Guide me so that i don't lose my way, with the light and gems you offer so generously. I leave closing the door gently behind me. Holding with me what is not mine alone but belonging to the whole. May I always remember the whole. 

__

Do i need to spell check and autocorrects before posting this? I wonder.

[airoasis]

Character Inspiration: How to Write Believable Characters

If an author wishes to focus on making their stories more credible, it's important for them to totally comprehend character inspiration. Readers will happily accept and suspend their disbelief for any story-- whether it's set deep in space, or in a society run by terriers-- so long as all the characters have relatable motivations and behave plausibly.In this post, we'll

look at a few of the big questions behind character inspiration in fiction and help you understand why it is very important and, most importantly, the best ways to apply it to any book you are working on.What is character

motivation?Character inspiration is the factor behind a character's habits and actions in a given scene or throughout a story. Inspirations are intrinsic requirements : they may be external needsand relate to survival, but they might likewise be mental or existential needs, such as love or expert achievement.Why do your characters do what they do? Inspect their motivations!Why is it important to understand character motivations?If you're composing a short story, novel, tune, or haiku that includes a character, you need to pay

focus on inspirations for the following factors

:1. Inspirations make it much easier to put yourself in the head of a character.You know the old cliché of actors asking for their'inspiration, '? They sometimes call it a"playable note"and it's something that can assist you compose credible characters.Ask a star to deliver his lines'frantically, 'and they'll lay on the motions of desperation (stammering, agitation, etc. )-- but if you connect it to a playable motive like"if the customer does not sign the contract, you'll be fired and your family will be evicted, "then they have something to really incentivize them.As an author, it is difficult to write an"mad"character-- better to create a scenario that annoys their inspirations, resulting in their anger. Provide yourself a playable note.2. Every character requires to have inspirations, no matter how unlikeable they are. (image: Warner Bros.)Writers tend to be respectable at creating the arc of a

lead character while forgetting to expand a villain. Why do they do this?"Being wicked "is not excellent enough. When was the last time anybody did anything for the sake of being evil?If you keep going down this bunny hole, you'll soon recognize that relatable antagonists are a lot more fascinating and terrifying than ones who appreciate senseless

, abstract villainy.Every character requires reputable inspirations, no matter how unlikeable they are.3. Readers need your character's inspirations to be reputable. Readers don't need to like, authorize of, or share a character's motivation-- they simply need to believe it. Without credible motivations, your characters will check out

like weird puppets that you've worn human clothing. Bring them to life and offer them real,reasonable factors for doing what they do.What are

a character's motivations?In her fantastic post on motivation, author Kristen Kieffer utilizes Maslow's "Hierarchy of Need" as a way to discuss character behavior. An American psychologist working in the mid-20th century, Abraham Maslow proposed lots of human'desires'and prioritized them from standard survival has to existential desires like self-actualization and morality.(image via wikipedia )(Sidebar: It's intriguing to keep in mind the impact psychologists like Maslow, Freud and Jung have had on modern-day storytelling)In the last few years, Maslow's design has been simplified in such a way that might be more helpful to authors, breaking his tiers into 3 classifications.

Fundamental needs: Food Water

Shelter Sleep Security Safety, etc.Psychological requirements: Love Friendship Accomplishment Acceptance Self-esteem, etc Self-Fulfillment: Self-actualization Creativity Achievement of potential Maslow's theory suggests that all basic physiological needs(and most psychological needs)

should be fulfilled before a person begins to concentrate on any higher function like innovative satisfaction. There has, nevertheless, been debate over the strict hierarchy

he's placed upon these motivations. The most

essential thing to take

away from

this is

that all human behavior needs to originate from a fundamental"

need."

Every

among your character's

habits must stem from an

intrinsic"need". #amwriting Thedifference between a goal and

an inspiration Goals and inspirationsare frequently puzzled

, and understandably so: they'reboth things that relate to a

character's'wants,'and they both can drive a character and their story. Maybe the simplest way to consider it is this: A'goal 'is something that a character wishes to accomplish. It is a mindful objective like getting rich or winning the World Cup. Inspiration is the underlying reason an individual has that goal, like the fear of being financially insecure or the requirement to prove themselves as somebody exceptional.Winning World Cups is not an intrinsic human requirement, whereas self-actualization is. In fiction, you'll notice that characters can share a similar objective-- while having motivations that are

worlds apart.An investigator may be hunting down a serial killer: Before he becomes the next victim(fundamental need). To salvage his track record in the force (psychological need), or To show himself to be the greatest investigator (self-fulfillment). A bank burglar might be planning the break-in of her life:

To conserve her family house from being offered(fundamental requirement), To spend for surgery to restore her partner's eyesight (psychological requirement ), or To show to her mentor that she has exactly what it requires to pull off a huge job (self-fulfillment )In both these circumstances, the goal is the same, however the motivations change.Many characters can share an objective without having the same motivations. #amwriting Do all character motivations have to be rational?Motivations in fiction do not have to be reasonable

-- after all, people are extremely irrational.If you needed to sort all the motivations listed above into two classifications, you may label them 'fear' and'love.'

Fear of death, cravings, abandonment; love of others, success, eminence.

Fear and love both have the capability to be irrational-- other than we may call them phobia and infatuation (or fixation). Once you

accept those irrational motivations as legitimate, it's then a matter of using internal logic. That's what you 'd do if you were composing, for example, a sinister

psychotic bad guy.

The Dark Knight: A Psychotic Bad guy with illogical character inspirations. "> (image: Warner Bros.

)The Joker in The Dark Knight wants to throw Gotham into mayhem-- a grand strategy that may originate from a mental or self-fulfillment have to re-create the city in his image-- whatever it is,

it's not something that many of us can connect to.

once we accept that it is what inspired him, exactly what we then care about how he sets about achieving this irrational objective is methodical and rational: damaging Gotham's heroes in front of the city's eyes.So motivations don't need to be rational-- they simply need to manifest themselves in plausible methods and register for some amount of internal logic.Does the reader have to know a character's motivation?Not explicitly, but in a well-crafted book, a character's inspirations can end up being clear through exposition and discussion, or are recommended through action and descriptions. If a sidekick is seen preening and combing his hair, for example, we may gather that he is vain-- and when he later on refuses to help our lead character dig through the

garbage, we might chalk it up to an internal

inspiration to safeguard his self-respect in front of others.Readers do not require to comprehend the inner machinations of every minor role in a book. However an author's awareness of exactly what encourages their characters(like, say, the silent waiter standing the corner of the room)greatly improves the possibilities that they will not simply be clichéd cardboard cutouts.Can a character have clashing motivations?As we have actually pointed out sometimes in the past, conflict is at the very heart of storytelling and is vital for creating a rounded character. A character's contrasting inspirations is at the heart of your story. Constantly. #amwriting If a protagonist desires simply something, and the only thing stopping them from getting that thing is an external dispute, then their journey is basic: defeat the antagonist and win the day. It's only when the main character has several inspirations and they are forced to select between them that we can see a character's true nature shine through.Creating suspense with conflicting motivations (image: Lionsgate) In The Appetite Games, young Katniss Everdeen is a knowledgeable hunter thrown into a lethal televised game. To survive, she must kill her fellow competitors, including innocent

children and her friend. From this description, we can see that she has 2 standard inspirations: To survive(standard requirement)To protect her ethical code (psychological need)From just these 2 aspects emerge the book's central conflict: how will Katniss make it through without compromising her buddies and principles?Without conflicting internal motivations, a character's journey would be too easy and, therefore, dull. Rocky would simply be a film about a fighter who trains a lot to get rid of a better opponent-- which is uninteresting.

Instead, it has to do with a man's effort to show himself a rewarding human and deserving of a lady's love while likewise handling his fear of failure. That is the dispute driving the story-- not the boxing.For some writers, character motivation comes easy-- their impulse is to consider how their characters would act in a particular scenario(and not how they believe they should behave). If you find yourself struggling to bring your characters to life in any offered scene, it always assists to ask: what do they desire? In this scene, and in general. As soon as you've nailed their inspiration

, your characters ought to hopefully show you where they have to go.If you have any thoughts, concerns, or theories on character motivation, please drop us a message in the remarks below.The post Character Motivation:

Ways To Write Credible Characters

appeared first on The Reedsy Blog site.

[dreamingofscully]

Season 6 Summary

THEME: DUALITY

Other Seasons: Season 1: INNOCENCE Season 2: IT’S PERSONAL Season 3: THE STANDARD Season 4: BARRIERS Season 5: RISK

Season 6 is all about the conflict between Mulder and Scully as well as the things they are struggling with inside themselves. In the end, though, it is about them coming together despite all the things thrown in their way. The magnetic attraction that cannot be stopped.

THEIR DUALITY - THE CONFLICT BETWEEN THEM

The friction between Mulder and Scully arises from his frustration at Scully’s inability to accept the wondrous things they experienced in Antarctica (“Fight the Future”). She’s hyper-focusing on what she can prove without acknowledging what she actually believes (“The Beginning”). This conflict stretches throughout the entire season, Mulder’s anger manifesting all the way to the end of the season (“Field Trip”, “Biogenesis”). It doesn’t stay constant, though. At the end of “The Beginning” when Scully brings him the evidence she’s been so adamantly searching for, he knows that regardless of her beliefs she is on his side, and he wouldn’t trade that for anything. I think he knows that her stubbornness stems from something more than just an outright refusal to believe him, that it will only be a matter of time before he can share his wonder at the fantastical with her. Some near-death experiences (“Triangle”) and a strange feeling that he almost lost her (“Dreamland”) tempers his annoyance, gives him some perspective. He loves her, and whatever her attitude about the paranormal, she’s the best thing to ever happen to him.

The damage to their relationship is nearly repaired, but then we have “Two Fathers”/ “One Son” and Diana/CSM popping up again. Diana attempts to destroy the bond between Mulder and Scully by forcing Scully to make Mulder choose between them. It’s obvious to Scully that there is something strange about the circumstances they are forced into, but not obvious enough for him to get suspicious. Mulder can't view Diana as duplicitous, and she knows it. When the evidence piles up but Mulder still chooses Diana over Scully, it really hurts. All of the healing they've done since "The Beginning" vanishes, and things are even worse now than they were then. Mulder is also in a hopeless state - being separated from Scully (emotionally), his work gone, the colonization/destruction of life on earth seeming imminent. He doesn't have Scully there to give him hope, to guide him to make the right decisions, so he feels like he has no option but to give up. This hopelessness impacts decisions that he makes in season 7 (“Sixth Extinction”/”Amor Fati”).

SCULLY’S DUALITY - HER CONFLICT WITHIN

Truth vs. Science

Scully DID see the alien spacecraft in “Fight the Future”. However, when they return and attempt to get the X-Files back, she refuses to support him in his belief, disguised as her attempt to give him evidence. She struggles against her experiences, denies the truth because ultimately she is afraid to believe. This theme is most evident in “How the Ghosts Stole Christmas” where Scully is the most scared that we’ve ever seen her. When confronted by things that she can’t explain, she’s terrified. She needs to be able to figure out how things work in order to have power over them. Similarly, she is afraid of death and dying (preventing people from getting too close) and so she chooses to specialize in pathology in order to know it and have control over it.

Scully’s denial of reality and experience doesn’t get resolved this season. She holds onto her skepticism by a thread. We don’t see any personal resolution to this conflict until well into season 7 (“all things”). Regardless, Mulder accepts her for who she is, stubbornness and all.

Fear vs. Risk

The risks that Scully took last season seemed to backfire and makes her reluctant to take a chance and open up again. She KNOWS after “Fight the Future” that Mulder holds some distinctly non-platonic feelings towards her but the falling-out between them in “The Beginning” as well as “One Son” makes her even more unsure about their relationship. It really hurts when she thinks he chooses Diana over her, so it takes her a while to be in a place where she’s ready for something more. In fact, it takes Padgett’s obsession with her, and his ability to bring her suppressed feelings to the surface, for her to be in a place where she can move past her fears and open up to him (”Milagro”).

MULDER’S DUALITY - HIS CONFLICT WITHIN

Belief vs. Skepticism

Mulder is blind when it comes to Diana Fowley. He’s learned so much from Scully about not trusting people, but this woman manipulates him so easily. He believes she loved him, that their relationship ending was his fault, has guilt surrounding the entire thing, which makes him INCREDIBLY MOTIVATED to dismiss anything that hints at her guilt. Even if it comes from Scully. The one thing he is skeptical of is Diana being guilty. This stems from his insecurities about himself - not believing he is capable of a healthy relationship because of how manipulative his prior experiences have been. He sees their failure as his fault, so how could he attempt something with Scully when it would only mean he would lose her in the end?

Pursuit of Truth vs. Love

Mulder’s focus on his quest is all-consuming. He uses this obsession as one of his excuses to pursue any serious relationship with Scully, even though he knows how he feels about her. How can he pursue the truth AND have a romantic entanglement with Scully? How can there be room in his life for both things? 

There are several events this season that encourage Mulder to pursue love rather than be so single-minded. His adventures in “Triangle” show how dangerous his recklessness can be, and make him realize that one thing he really wants, if he doesn’t end up returning to his normal life, is to know what it feels like to kiss Scully. In “Rain King” there are so many parallels to his own life. Holman is lonely and feels like he is unworthy of the love of his life. Mulder helps him realize that he should tell Sheila how he feels, all the while denying what everyone else sees between him and Scully. Finally, in “The Unnatural”, Arthur Dales manages to reach Mulder with a tale about baseball and aliens. It reminds him of a time he was happy, to his childhood, that he’s never happier except when Scully is by his side. He realizes he can work on the “heart of the mystery” at the same time as the “mystery of the heart”. 

Mulder is a risk-taker. Despite his fears, seeking something more with Scully would be worth it and so he takes a chance. (And hits it out of the park.)

THEIR DUALITY - COMING TOGETHER DESPITE IT ALL

Even though the X-Files are taken away from them, they still work together and grow closer despite the difficulties in “The Beginning”. Mulder is discouraged and rebellious but he is still very MOTIVATED. Convincing Scully to investigate a strange case while they are on a boring assignment ("Drive"), travelling to the Bermuda Triangle on a whim ("Triangle"), sorting through trash to get a shredded file ("Terms of Endearment"), getting Scully to come with him to Area 51 for a source ("Dreamland"), getting her to join him at a haunted house ("How the Ghosts Stole Christmas"), and flying with her out to Kansas on a tenuous case ("The Rain King"). After his jaunt in "Triangle" he makes choices to keep her with him. He appreciates her, doesn't seem mad at her determination to STILL not believe despite the things they experienced together. He puts aside his frustrations and seems to want to deepen his relationship with her, or perhaps DESPITE his frustrations he realizes how special she is, wants to have more. 

Scully comes around eventually. She’s upset with Mulder for his distrust of her. She understands that he’s disappointed she can’t believe, but because she can’t quite admit the reasons behind this to herself, she thinks that it’s impossible for her change. That she’s all she’ll ever be - hopefully Mulder can accept that about her. She rejects him in “Triangle” because she’s still not over his distrust in her and she won’t believe any admission until he’s completely sober. Her reluctance in the beginning of “How the Ghosts Stole Christmas” turns into a choice to spend the holidays with him. 

After their relationship suffers again in “One Son”, Mulder offers some sort of apology for his mistrust of Scully, and Diana’s presumed death tempers Scully’s jealousy. They forgive, move past the things that happened slowly but surely. They hunt a sea monster in Florida (“Agua Mala”), where Dales (the original) reinforces Mulder’s beliefs that Scully is invaluable to him. Scully pushes them to go on a case where they go undercover as a married couple, and while she is uncomfortable with Mulder’s seeming inability to take the case seriously, she does enjoy that he seems happy again (“Arcadia”). Scully marks her territory (Mulder) while they investigate a case that involves a woman that has a crush on Mulder and that she thinks wants to manipulate him (“Alpha”).

“Milagro” brings all of Scully’s buried emotions forward, exposes the truth that she’s been trying to hide - that she’s in love with Mulder. At the end of the episode, Scully’s walls break down, makes her fears about opening up seem irrelevant in the face of her death. She’s ready to accept Mulder’s love, to take the next step in their relationship. “The Unnatural” gives Mulder the bravery to take that chance, and they finally admit their feelings for one another. 

Things are amazing for several months until (guess who) Diana pops up again (”Biogenesis”). Scully is NOT jealous because she knows where she stands with Mulder. The devastation of his mysterious illness prompts her to act without any second thought - to confront things she’s afraid of because the alternative would mean losing him.

[sketchyprincessartblog]

1-25 Tell me everything.

Okay, im gonna do the main 4 ocs I have rn because those are the ones I have the most fleshed out for! Also gonna put it under a readmore because ho my god that's gonna be a LOT of text lmao

Kai

1. (their voice) Kai's voice is high-pitched and raspy due to her constant yelling and screaming. There is also a level of charisma too it, but its hard to explain. Its like her voice is so weird that you can't help but listen.

2.(their smile) Her smile is big, wide, and mischievous! Pair that with her many rows of shark like teeth and it can be very off-putting; she tries not to smile but her personality makes it almost impossible. However, one you get to know her, you can tell the difference between a fake smile and a genuine one.

3.(their greatest achievement) Kai considers her greatest achievement to be her magical prowess; her skill with her water magic is advanced for her age. She definitely likes to show off, haha.

4.(their insecurities) While she may act tough and arrogant, its just a façade to mask her low self worth and depression. As the queen/future queen she is terrified of failure; how can she lead others when she can't even help herself? Like I mentioned before, shes also insecure of her looks, because they give away that shes possessed.

5. (their shortcomings) Her ability to control her impulses is practically non existant lmao, she'll just straight up jump off the roof of the castle if she feels like it (which is a lot). Also her ego gets her into quite a bit of trouble as well. And her anger is a problem too; if she cant control it it becomes like a hulk situation. This is part of the reason she drinks, it numbs her senses.

6.(how they deal with grief) haha, that's a good one. Kai doesn't deal with grief she just drinks or does more dangerous shit to take her mind off of it. Or she'll just scream and wreck stuff; either way it ends up being more harmful than helpful.

7.(how they like to dress) Kai would prefer to dress in clothes that are easy to move in like pants or shorts; things that fit tight and have little resistance. But because shes royalty, sterling makes sure she at least dresses the part (much to her annoyance; she doesn't seen the point in all the ornamentation and frills. She does find them pretty, just not on her.

8.(what they like to eat) Anything that she can rip apart like meat and stuff. She loves using those teeth lol

9.(their theme) I think this means what their character is based around, but if im wrong please correct me. Kai's theme is embracing femininity, learning to grieve, and learning to be an independent person.

10.(their fashion sense) Like mentioned earlier sterling picks out most of her clothes for her, so her fashion sense stems from his (and she hates it lmao)

11.(their family life) Her mother died when she was 10, and she has no other siblings. Her father is too busy running the kingdom to pay attention to his daughter. Sterling and her have the best relationship (they were inseparable those first 10 years) but after the queens death and kais subsequent possession, things have become very strained.

12.(their romantic life) HAHAHA. Yeah no shes demi ace and terrified of emotional intimacy and commitment. If she did flirt, she'd be pretty good at it, but she's kinda oblivious about that kinda thing. People often mistake her charm and charisma as romantic interest, but she's just very friendly.

13.(their embarrassing memory from years ago) The most embarrassing thing to happen to her so far, is that sterling is the one who saw her covered in blood and possessed. Its a fuzzy memory at best, but she remembers enough for it to be painful.

14.(how they react to burning their tongue on food) Lots of choking and cursing, occasionally followed by yelling at whoever made the food. And if shes feeling particularly stupid that day, she'll just down the rest of it, hoping it burns her mouth even more.

15.(how they react to a brainfreeze) She's never had anything that cold before, but if she did there would also be lots of cursing, followed by her immediately drinking/eating as fast as she can to make it happen again lol

16.(their dreams) She dreams of being able to go to the ocean; her mother promised she'd take her when she got older (they live very far away from any large body of water much less an ocean) She also dreams of being free from the restrictions of being royalty and just being able to do whatever she wants.

17.(their ambitions) Her main ambition is to find a way to put her heart back into her chest (it was literally cut out of her and put into a box) and get rid of the ghost possessing her.

18.(how they sleep) She sleeps most of the day and stays up during the night. Its not restful sleep by any means, but its all she can get. She has constant nightmares and also its hard to sleep when theres an other worldly entity watching you 8)

19.(their reaction to betrayal) She avoids relationships for this very reason (but it still happens), she just shuts down completely; no talking, no crying, nothing but heavy silence.

20.(their reaction to a mystery love letter) She'd act all "of course! one of my many admirers'!" then when she's alone, she furiously tries to figure out who and why lol.

21.(how they react to pain) Because of complications from the possession she is hyper sensitive to pain (the ghost possessing her did this to try and prevent her from doing anything dangerous to increase her magic power, but jokes on her it backfired) So while it may seem likes she's being overdramatic, that would be the one time she's actually not over exaggerating.

22.(what they're like on two hours of sleep) Wired as shit. Anything can set her off, and she talk super fast too, like she's had 12 cups of coffee or something.

23.(how they act when they're sick) She can't actually get sick, again the ghost prevents it. She needs a healthy, preferably young host to completely thrive, so she makes sure that the host gets sick as little as possible and that they stay young as long as possible. It's why kai is so small, her growth is stunted.

24.(what motivates them) Her want to take back control over her life and fix the damage she has caused to others through her reckless and selfish behavior (on a smaller scale) her flaw of being a people pleaser.

25.(why do you enjoy them) I enjoy her because she reminds me a lot of myself, both currently and how I used to be. Shes the first oc I ever created and gave backstory and a personality to; shes my shark baby ;v;

Sterling

1. His voice is smooth and rich like chocolate (he is my hot character okay let me have this). He has a medium pitch voice that is gentle and kind, while still remaining authoritative and firm. He loves to sing and has an amazing voice (honestly wish I had an example but I haven't found one yet)

2. He has a smile that radiates pure gentleness and sunshine and he smiles often! He doesn't believe that all knights have to be boring and stuffy, and he likes to use his kindness to challenge that.

3. This is gonna be so sappy but his greatest achievement in his own words is "watching kai become her own person".

4. He worries constantly that he has failed at his job as a knight to the royal family. He blames himself for the queens death and kais downward spiral. He also has scars that he is self conscious of ( kais the only one whos seen them, and even that was an accident)

5. Sterling can be a bit too controlling when it comes to kai, it comes from a place of love, but its also his way of dealing with this resentment towards kai. He is also an enabler and allows reckless and unhealthy behavior to continue because its easier to not confront it. And his fear of blood is debilitating as well.

6. He'll usually allow himself to cry, but only in private. He usually bottles up his emotions so he doesn't burden others or takes his aggression out by sparring.

7. Sterling has a uniform to wear like the other knights, but even when not on duty his clothes very much give away that hes a knight. He dresses solely for function; if he can work and get around in them hes perfectly fine.

8. Sterling loves bread, like im pretty sure he'd marry it if he could. However because of his knight status and pride in his own appearance, he has to resist and make himself eat a healthy diet lol.

9. Sterling's theme is family, or rather, even if you aren't blood related you can still be family. And that sometimes things are out of your control and that's okay.

10. He has pretty good fashion sense, he can figure what looks good on someone just by looking at them. He always looks impeccably dressed himself but prefers a minimalist style.

11. Sterling has a huge family! He has several siblings (some he's related to, some not) but I haven't decided how many yet. And he has two loving parents that are very supportive of his career choice (his mother still worries though).

12. Sterling has no time for romance, plus hes not interested (that doesn't stop people from flirting however); hes aroace :)

13. Probably when he was first actually assigned to take care of kai as a baby. He hade no idea what do and had to ask several of the other knights and servants to help him (some of them won't let him live it down either)

14. Just look at the "this is fine" meme and you'll have your answer

15. Same as above lol

16. He dreams of traveling and helping people all over the world, and also seeing kai grow and develop into her own person.

17. He wants to be the best knight ever (but he'd never actually say that shhhh) at least that's all I have for him haha

18. His sleep schedules kinda screwed because if theres a problem with kai, he has to handle it, no one else will. Plus he's naturally a early riser, so the amount of sleep he can get varies. He's a light sleeper as well.

19. (why would you betray him how could you) But betraying him will land you on his shit list and he will be as petty as possible; passive aggressive might as well be his middle name.

20. He's just kinda like "aw that's sweet" and never think about it again. He might share them with kai if theyre interesting enough. Honestly you'd be better of just telling him to his face how you feel, so he won't ignore you that way.

21. He has a pretty high pain tolerance; being a knight you have to be able to take damage and get right back up again, and he's gotten pretty good at that.

22. Same as usual honestly, maybe a little more drowsy but that's it.

23. He'll probably hide that he's sick lmao, he doesn't like being taken care of. He could be hacking up a lung and still refuse medicine like "don't worry about me im fine haha :D"

24. He wants to make a difference in the world, create a legacy to leave behind.

25. I enjoy him because I've always loved straight laced by the books characters, they're such dorks and I love it haha. Plus hes my pretty boy UwU

Elysia

1. Her voice is low and quiet; it commands the listeners attention. She developed this trait because she usually talks to animals who are more perceptive of tonal inflections than people are. She can sing as well, but it's more of a warble than actually singing, but it still sounds beautiful.

2. Elsyia rarely ever smiles, unless she's talking to animals (even then it can vary depending on which animals show teeth as a sign of aggression) but when she does its a nice small slight smile.

3. Her greatest achievement is the fact that she's still alive; everyday it takes all her strength to get up and keep moving.

4. Like with Kai a lot of her insecurities stem from the way she looks; people aren't exactly willing to be nice to demons. She also worries she's going to seriously hurt someone with her lightning magic.

5. Her paranoia and anxiety are her main problems (while they are not necessarily something she can always control, they do affect her perception and decisions).

6. She'll most likely isolate herself or just flat out leave for several days. She comes back but you can see something is still wrong when you look at her eyes (jesus Christ none of my characters know how to grieve)

7. Anything that's flowy and lets her breath is her favorite. Due to her blood being super heated plasma her body temp is waaaay higher than normal, so her lack of clothing is an effort to not over heat.

8. Elysia is a vegetarian! She doesn't want to hurt animals :( Also the effort to find plants to eat is less when you're constantly roaming than finding and capturing an animal to eat.

9. Elyisa's theme is self-acceptance and learning to put trust in others.

10. I imagine her as being pretty fashion forward but due to her body temp and money issues she just kinda wears whatever.

11. She's an only child, her father left her an her mother when she was young so she became the sole provider for the two of them. Unfortunately her and her mother are now separated.

12. Nope no nah no way. Like sterling she has no time and its not something she ever considered (until she meets kai of course >u>) But she's ace as well!

13. When she tried to catch a cow and ended up almost destroying the entire marketplace she lived at.

14. She can't feel it probably, so she'll just keep eating like normal.

15. She gets these a lot because of her need to consume cold things to stay comfortable, so she'll just wait till it goes away then resume eating at a slower pace.

16. Her dreams are to be financially stable (like that's it, she is a broke college student someone help her).

17. Basically the same as above (at least as of now)

18. She has insomnia so she sleeps two hours at a time if that, usually in trees or caves around a campfire. Very light sleeper with frequent night terrors.

19. She expects it at this point, it would still hurt, but she'd act like it was no big deal.

20. She'd wonder who was playing such a mean trick on her :(

21. She's kinda numb at least on her right side??? Cuz that's where she was struck by lightning so she has nerve damage on that side. So she has a normal pain tolerance with the exception of her right side.

22. Normal; irritable, grouchy, and curt.

23. She's a big baby when she's sick lol, but she doesn't want people to take care so she'll just suffer alone

24. Money at this point, she's trying to fill a void, but she's not having any luck, I think it's part of the reason why her motivations and ambitions seem so vague or unfulfilling; she doesn't know what she wants.

25. I love her design the most out of all of them, plus I love writing grumpy characters who have a secret heart of gold

Andie/Andrea

1. Andie's voice is calm and monotone almost as if they have to force a certain tone to their voice. Andie sounds like how a doctor does; brief curt sentences and frank attitude. Yet they sound like silk drifting in the breeze, it confuses anyone who tries to talk to them. When they become more "vocal" a raspyness makes itself known and suddenly all feelings of safety and security are gone and their voice becomes dark and cold.

2. Like with Andie's voice, their smile also seems artificial at further inspection; its almost too perfect, too inviting. It's a trap that most don't realize they are walking into.

3. Andie's greatest achievement is their biomechanical body parts; they pride themselves on being the peak of human and medical technology.

4. Andie worries that there's always someone better, someone smarter, faster, stronger; and that they exist is unacceptable. Andie fears death like most others do not, having escaped it once makes them never want to go through it again. However; their confidence in themselves to make sure that never happens is hanging on by a thread (much like every other aspect of them)

5. They are emotionally and physically abusive on top of being a manipulator with homicidal tendencies and a fragile psyche. Like I said, they're hanging on by a thread.

6. Andie does not deal with grief, at least not anymore. Now it's someone else's problem.

7. They dress to cover any "inhuman" aspects of themselves such as the metal limbs and spine andie has made for themselves.

8. Andie doesn't really eat, they considered it a waste of time. But they do remember the taste of the stew their mother always made...

9. Andie's theme is more of a warning than anything; do not let your experiences and fears consume you or you will be lost to them forever.

10. Andie doesn't care, if it's not related to their work it's not important enough.

11. Andie had a mother and father, but they burned to death in a fire. Now the only "family" (and I use this term loosely) andie has is her two assistants.

12. Andie has no concept of romance, but will use it if it is advantageous to them. Again another frivolous human concept as far as they're concerned.

13. They've erased most of their childhood memories from years of experimenting with their own brain; the more it made andie feel, the quicker it was removed.

14. They can't taste really since their tongue is artificial like most of the rest of them. Andie would get more upset at the fact that the food might be hot enough to damage the material they are made out of.

15. They'd be confused and angry at how useless such a reaction is; they'd probably try to rewire it later.

16. To never die and be an immortal. It's what they have devoted their life too.

17. Same as above, although andie does want to bring back their dead parents.

18. Lmao andie is half cyborg they do not sleep, but like with everything else other people do, they fake it to appear human.

19. Hoo boy that is something you do not under any circumstances want to do. Andie takes is as a very personal offense and will have no qualms about severely hurting someone for it.

20. "what is this? a love letter for me? Aww, how disgusting~"

21. Inhumanly high pain tolerance after years of body modifications; you could take out their eye and they'd be more upset about how much it took to make the eye than actually losing a fucking eye.

22. Normal; still off their rocker.

23. Don't get sick, but occasionally parts will malfunction or fail in which there is a lot of groaning and "fucking serious? again?"

24. Their fear of death and the unknown and bringing back their parents.

25. I don't enjoy andie per say, but they're therapeutic to write in a way? I dunno it's just nice having all these horrible traits in one character and it just gives me a way to vent about the shit ive had to go through. They are not meant to be enjoyed, andie was created to be a projection of the way ive been treated. I also want to say I don't condone any of andie's behavior nor do I intend to romanticize it. (And also I use they for andie not because they are agender or to demonize agender people, but as a reflection of andie's view of themselves. They see themselves as greater than male or female, so their pronouns reflect that. However, if anyone has a batter alternative please let me know :) )

Oh my god this literally took hours but it was so worth it! Thank you again for these asks it was very sweet of you (thank you for letting me be the attention gremlin that I am lol)

[lindyhunt]

The 8 Essential Management Skills You Need to Lead a Successful Team

Last week, on the Fourth of July, I was feeling rather patriotic, so I decided to binge watch the HBO classic Band of Brothers. The critically acclaimed mini-series takes place in Europe during World War II, recounting Major Richard Winters’ leadership of Easy Company from a grueling boot camp to the invasion of Normandy and on to the end of the war. The series is a touching tribute to these brave soldiers, and in my humble opinion, it deserves all seven of the Emmys it won.

But if there’s one thing I’ll remember about this show, it’s a scene that’s only three minutes long: Major Winters orders an ambush on Axis soldiers who are resting in an embankment across a field from them. But before his soldiers can charge, he tosses a smoke grenade and bolts across the field alone. He wanted the Axis to target him before they could target his men.

Major Winters was willing to sacrifice his own life to preserve his company's, and his courage and selflessness remind military leaders everywhere that you should serve others before you serve yourself. If you lead a team at work, this scene will also resonate with you -- your job is to help your people succeed and achieve their goals.

But being a great leader isn’t something you can easily pick up and just start doing. Like any other skill, you have to work on it. So before you start channeling your inner Major Winters, here are eight management skills you need to learn to lead a team toward success.

The 8 Essential Management Skills You Need to Lead a Successful Team

1. You make your people feel safe at work.

Major Winters was an easy leader to follow because he always trekked into danger first, fought for his men, and did everything he could to protect them. He absorbed most of the risk so his men had a better chance of survival. And they respected and revered him for it.

Great leaders are always willing to protect their people, even if it means sacrificing their own interests, comfort, and a good metric or two. They want their people to feel safe at work. They want them to always know that they won’t get chewed out or lose their job if they fail. Their people know they can grow from these failures. And this results in a higher level of trust and cooperation.

When a leader risks and sacrifices herself to protect and improve her people, they’re willing to move mountains for her. Why? Because they know she’s already doing the same for them.

2. You can change your mind.

Even the smartest people get things wrong. But what seperates a good leader from a great one is the ability to admit that they’re wrong and change course in light of new information. Unfortunately, a lot of leaders won’t change their minds, even if it’s the right choice, because they don’t want to seem weak. Others have too much pride to admit that they’ve made a mistake. They’d rather pull rank and remind their subordinates that they’re in charge.

But admitting you were wrong requires a lot more strength than sticking to something that hurts your team or company, just because you've invested a lot of time and effort into it. For instance, Jim Whitehurst, CEO of Red Hat, a company that provides open-source software products, decided to go to market without integrating a newly acquired product into one of their new technologies in 2008. He didn’t want to spend three months rewriting code and making it open source. But he soon discovered that he had made a huge mistake: Red Hat's associates and customers didn’t like using the product. And the only move the company could make was to rewrite the code. It would push them a year behind schedule.

The delay angered and frustrated his employees, and most of them thought Whitehurst wasn't competent enough to run the business. But instead of blaming the issue on external factors, Whitehurst blamed himself. He owned up to his mistake and told the company why he made his decision. They then understood the rationale behind his decision. Not long after, many of his employees told him how much they appreciated his honesty and that he changed his mind about their go-to-market strategy. And that’s what ultimately earned him back their trust and support.

3. You understand the importance of team bonding.

Sometimes, team outings can feel like a forced way to bond -- kind of like the annual Christmas get-together with your cousins growing up -- but after a slightly awkward beginning of the night, you’re having a great time. And by the end of the night, you don’t really want to go home.

Solving an escape room or participating in a scavenger hunt can contribute to this fun, but most of it stems from bonding with your team on a personal level and learning about each others’ personal stories.

Sharing stories and having positive social experiences is the best way for a leader to develop trust with their team. Both of these things trigger the release of oxytocin, the hormone that helps us empathize with people, and it prompts us to help, relate, and care about others in the same way we do for our families. In other words, it's the best way connect.

Having genuine conversations about what you and your team are passionate about, your lifestyle, and career motivations will break down barriers and build your team’s trust with each other and you, their leader. And this personal trust is what you need from your team to passionately support your overall mission and purpose.

4. You’re empathetic.

Every good leader should be able to be empathetic, right? Well, according to two Canadian neuroscientists, the higher you climb the corporate ladder, the harder it is to feel empathetic.

The part of your brain that triggers empathy is the mirror system. And whenever you see a person do something, it activates the thoughts and intentions that spark when you do the same exact thing. This helps you understand what motivates that person’s actions. But when you hold power over others, like in most leadership roles, the mirror system isn’t very stimulated, making it harder to place yourself inside other people’s shoes.

To stay on the same level as your team, consider trying a management technique called perspective-taking. If your colleague says something that frustrates you, take a step back and ask yourself why they took that position. How do they feel? Where is this perspective coming from? If you were in their role before, try to remember what it was like doing their job. Think back to your biggest fears and challenges. What made you feel threatened or insecure? Ultimately, perspective-taking will allow you to understand the root cause of your team’s problems and help solve for them.

5. You challenge your team.

During the 1988-89 NHL hockey season, Brett Hull led the St. Louis Blues with 41 goals scored. And after the season ended, he walked into his exit meeting with his head coach, Brian Sutter, expecting nothing but praise. But Coach Sutter didn’t give him any praise at all. In fact, he told Hull he needed to get better. Hull had the potential to be one of the greatest hockey players to ever live, but he could only be a Hall of Famer if he improved his work ethic. The next season, Hull arrived to St. Louis in the best shape of his life. And he almost doubled the number of goals he scored, with 72. The season after that he scored 86 goals. Hull was eventually inducted into the NHL Hall of Fame, and it’s all thanks to a coach who pushed him to train and perform at his best.

Like Brett Hull, everyone on your team can level up. Even your top performers. And to help them enhance their work ethic and skill set, push them to reach their potential and let them handle their own projects. They’ll be grateful for your guidance at the end of the day.

6. You don’t let your emotions influence your decision making.

Great leaders do what’s right, even if it causes a great deal of emotional pain. If they need to let someone go, even if they personally like them, they let them go. When they need to give constructive criticism to someone, even if they don’t want to hurt their feelings, they tell them what they need to improve on. The easy way out never pays off in the long term, and great leaders can blast through any anxiety or discomfort to do what’s best for their team.

7. You’re transparent.

Great leaders trust their people, especially with information. They know their team can sense problems in the organization. And since humans have a psychological bias that makes them more scared of ambiguity than risk, they make sure to provide as much information as possible about the issue and clearly communicate that they’re doing everything they can to resolve it.

Keeping things under wraps will only make their team feel anxious and unsafe -- if they know something’s wrong, and they know their leader hasn’t disclosed all the information, they’ll ruminate about the worst possible outcome. And this is likely to scare the leader’s team and make them lose trust in him.

8. You acknowledge and appreciate your top performers.

As a leader, you must know how to make your team feel valued. It’s one of the most important emotional needs to meet. If you don’t, your team will feel unhappy at work -- failing to recognize employees is one of the most common causes of employee dissatisfaction. To make them feel important to the team, happier, and incentivize them to keep improving, recognize and reward your employees for their accomplishments. You can does this in front of their peers, one on one, or even on Slack. This is also a way to inspire other members of your team to improve and earn recognition too.

[dreamsofivy-blog]

Daddy lessons || Self para

Ivy was sitting in her dorm room looking over some possible audition pieces when her phone rang. She didn’t recognize the number and answered curiously. 

“Hello?” “Ivy...” 

The moment the voice rang in her ears, despite how long it had been she knew who it was. Her heart felt like it stopped beating as she hesitated to respond.

“Who is this?” “Please don’t do this. It’s your father, I just...I heard about your mother.”

Ivy knew after that who this was. Any hopeful doubt was shattered and she felt her heart drop. It was bad enough he was finally calling after 16 years of nothing, but to talk about her mother!? She was still grieving her loss though Benny and his family made the blow a lot easier to bare. Her voice was calm, but most importantly cold and distant. He didn’t get to know how much his meant to her. He had no right to know the effect he had on her. The pain, the longing, the fear, the anxiety, but more than anything the anger. 

“You can stop right there. You have no right to say anything to me about that.” “Ivy I can tell you I’m sorry for your loss. She was a good woman.” “No you can’t. She was and you don’t get to say sorry after she’s dead.” “Your sister told me you might be-”

Something about him trying to get in contact or getting in contact with her little sister made her finally snap. She’d worked her whole life to shield her sister from the pain of their father because she was too young to remember the fights and the screaming. She was too young to have any real memories of the man, so she didn’t miss anything when he left. Ivy worked hard to make sure Nicole never felt like she did, that there was nothing to miss. how dare he just come along and possibly ruin that by getting the girls hopes up probably!? She made a mental note to call her later and see if she was ok.

“You called Nicole!? How fucking dare you!? Do you think you can just pop up in our lives right now?! Have you always been able to do this? Did you just choose to be MIA all this time!?” “Ivy I’m still your father. I still lo-” “Shut up! You are not my father I don’t have one! I haven’t had one since I was 6 years old. You have no claim to that. In fact the closest person to that is Benny’s dad, but I don’t know why I’m bothering to tell you that because you don’t even know who Benny is! WHY? Because you don’t know a damn thing about me! You’re practically just a sperm doner. Don’t you dare lie to me and say you give a damn about me now! You haven’t given a single fuck about me or my sister all our lives, so what do you want? Don’t lie to me or I will hang up this phone right now.”

With everything that’d happened this semester, this was honestly the last thing she needed, but his net words made her realize this might be a problem that wasn’t going away. That simple truth made her even more furious. She could feel herself shaking as the conversation progressed. 

“Fine...I wanted this to go better, but I should’ve known better. It’s about your mother’s will.”  “What about it, there is nothing in it for you.” “I left...but you’re mother and I never legally got divorced. I have say in some of the property and other aspects I just wanted-” “The hell you do! That’s why you’ve come back? To take some of our mothers things from us? For money?! You are the lowest of the low and I hate you. You know what belongs to you? Anything left back in New York. You can have whatever trash is there, but in Nevada where she had to start from scratch and build herself back up from the ash where you left us! That’s ours!" “Ivy I know this is hard to understand, but I am due somethings she’s been withholding because of spite for years and I’m going to get it. I was hoping not to have to get lawyers inolved.  Please can we just sit and talk about this? You might not even want what I’m asking for and you’re being unnessesary.” “You’re a selfish and I don’t wanna see you. You missed that window of oportunity a long time ago. If she has it, then it’s her’s and now ours. You waited till she died to fight for it you son of a bitch you can rot in hell.” “Ivy!” “Don’t Ivy me! You LEFT! You abandoned us, your family! You didn’t call, write, anything! You havn’t even said hapy bithday to me in 16 years! Now you think you can call me and just things be ok? Leave me and my sister alone, you’ve done a great job of it so far, keep up the good work.”

Ivy could feel the tears starting to well in her eyes and even though she was in the room alone she was trying to fight them. he didn’t deserve any more of her tears. She was glad for once she didn’t have a roommate because she’d be embarrassed to be having this conversation and yelling like she was into her phone. She couldn’t believe this was happening right now. She hated this, she hated this man. Why couldn’t he just stay gone, hadn’t he done enough damage?

“Ivy if we can’t settle this I’ll have to take you to court.” “ If you take me to court I’ll countersue for the 10 years of back childsupport you owe for me and the 7 you owe for my sister. Mother told me you stopped paying after only two years. She only didn’t take you back to court because she couldn’t get a hold of you anymore and didn’t want the hassle. Is whatever you want worth paying us all that back? Plus the court fees? You don’t wanna learn how persistant and DETERMINED I learned to be because of you, and the fact that rage is a HELL of a motivator to get shit done. I will drag you, and feel no sympathy. DON’T test me.”

There was a venom to her voice that wasn’t usually there. Ivy wasn’t usually so cruel, but this was the man that started all. He was the reason why she was the way she was. Every bit of herself that she hated or made her feel insecure and unworthy stemmed from him. He was everything she couldn’t stand about herself and she hated that for even a second she was almost glad to hear his voice at the start of all this like she was once again a five-year-old girl just happy her father was home and looked her way.

“It’s a shame you apparently grew to be so spiteful.” “It’s a shame you never stopped being a peice of shit.” “You and I aren’t so different.” “Me and you are nothing alike!” “We both hold onto things way longer than we should, and I’m sorry that this is how you ended up because of that. You’re going to wind up alone and miserable if you don’t change”

That was the final straw she was done with this conversation. She was done with him having the audacity to think he could do this. They were nothing alike, she didn't care what he said. she didn’t care that what he said was true. She clearly was very good at holding grudges, but that didn’t mean anything. She'd never do what he did. He doesn’t get to apologize for the person she became because of all this. She was a good person...right? She was at least better than him. She wasn’t completely alone. She hated the way she was starting to feel, and of course, he’d be the one to do it. 

“You didn’t hold onto anything! Don’t apologize for how I am! I like who I am and I’m very happy! You know nothing about me so just shut the hell up, and leave me alone unless you wanna see me in court, goodbye.”

She hung up clutching the phone tightly not realizing that a few tears had escaped her eyes and slowly rolled down her cheeks. She buried her face into her pillow trying to convince herself to block the number that had called, telling herself she should just call Benny right now. That he’d made everything feel alright again...but then the man's words filled her head, and she wasn’t sure suddenly if she wanted Benny to see her like this. So full of rage...spite. That she might accidently snap at him and push him away. But she didn’t wanna be ‘alone and miserable’ either. How was he still so good about stealing away her peace of mind? She saw now how easy it was for her mother to fight with him, to sink into despare afterwards. How she let him cut her so deeply. 

It was a harsh lesson to learn. So, for now, she just cried bitterly into her pillow.