#so much jadedness in two years

[everythingseasoning]

If you’re 19 years old, you’re still just a kiddo in my eyes. Sincerely, a 21 year old

[arcaneorphic]

Redamancy - Timeskip! Osamu x Reader

Pairing: Timeskip! Miya Osamu x Flower Shop Owner! Reader

Genre: Fluff,

Summary: Redamancy: a love returned in full; an act of loving the one who loves you; the act of loving in return.

Osamu, owner of Onigiri Miya, and the owner of the flower shop next door find that falling in love happens slowly and all at once.

Word Count: 3,217

Osamu had come to terms with his jadedness a long time ago. Where his brother was a hopeless romantic, he’d like to think he was a realist. Atsumu believed in love in spite of their father, where Osamu didn’t because of that man. The twins hardly knew anything about their father, and they liked it that way. Though it was clear that he left lasting damage on the two—however much they tried to deny it. In their teenage years the twins were fairly popular among their female peers. Where Atsumu indulged in that fact, Osamu did the opposite. Sure, he had a girlfriend or two during high school, but they were never that serious; at least not serious enough for them to meet his ma. 

Besides, he had other things to worry about—more important things. He was a twenty-three year old business owner and he didn’t have the spare time to worry himself over another person like that. He was content with his life just as is. At least that’s what he would tell himself whenever he returned to his quiet apartment after working long hours at his onigiri shop. 

*** 

It was early on a Tuesday morning when Osamu was unlocking the front of his shop so he could prepare for the day. The usual busy street was relatively silent, save for the early morning commuters either going to or returning from work. However, there was one thing out of place. The jingling of keys to the shop next door caught his attention. She was far too early, he noted. Usually she doesn’t open until 9:00 am.  

Once, when a customer had asked him when the shop next door opened and he answered automatically Atsumu had raised an eyebrow at that. When pressed on why he knew that information so readily Osamu rolled his eyes and said something about how often customers unfamiliar with the area would ask so it was only reasonable for him to learn. There was no way in hell he would ever tell Atsumu the truth. He’d never admit that the real reason he knew when the shop next door opened was because he’d see her walk in front of the windows of his restaurant every morning to open. 

“Mornin’,” he said.

“Oh! Morning!” She seemed frazzled. He took notice of how she seemed to be having trouble opening her door. 

“You alright?”

“Yeah.. just,” she huffed. “Doors just been getting stuck recently.”

The twinge of frustration in her usual sweet voice amused him, “Here, let me.”

“Thank you, but you really don’t have to. I don’t want to keep you from getting to what you need to,” she tried to protest. 

He gave her a smile, charming and kind, “Really, ‘s no issue.”

She stepped aside. He pushed against the door slightly, and it sure was stuck. A small part of him worried how she’d lock up for the day to count her tills if it was this difficult, but he quickly pushed the thought away as it wasn’t his place to worry about such a thing. He pushed against the door harder this time, thankful for the years of strength training he did and still does—though less and far between now. 

She let out a sigh of relief as the door opened, “Bless, I thought I’d be out here for at least another half hour.”

Cute, he thought to himself. 

“If you don’t mind me askin’, what’re you doin’ here so early?”

“Turns out a client of mine decided fairly last minute that she’d like a whole new flower and arrangement for a dozen centerpieces,” she sighed. “So, if you’re in the market for some peonies, let me know. I’ll give you a discount for helping me open the door.”

He laughed, a good and proper one, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

She smiled back at him and he swore the harsh morning air got a little easier to deal with. The two parted after wishing each other a good day. 

*** 

As Osamu prepped for the day he let his mind wander to the woman next door. The first time they had met was when he first moved into this space. He wasn’t open for business, still just a few tables and not nearly enough chairs, when there was a knock. 

He put on his best customer smile ready to tell the person that he’d be open in a weeks time, but his words caught in his throat when he laid eyes on her. He swore he’d never seen someone so beautiful before. 

“Hi, I own the flower shop, Ume Field, next door and I just wanted to welcome you to the area,” her voice was sweet and kind, but not in the way that seemed forced or unnatural. 

She took a step into the space and Osamu had never worried so much for a stranger, there was still construction equipment littering the floor and he’d be beside himself if she got hurt. He tried to tell himself that it was because he couldn’t afford a lawsuit if she happened to get hurt on his property, but that was hardly the reason. 

He took the arrangement from her outstretched hands. The oranges and dark gold of flowers he could not name for the life of him stared back at him, “Thank you, but I have to admit I don’t know much about flowers.”

She smiled at that as she pointed to each flower respectively, “Well these are for luck and these are for prosperity. Just um… I don’t see many people our age around here so I thought I’d give you a welcoming gift.”

She was right. Most of the other owners around them were fairly older than they were, more experienced and a lot more certain about income. 

“This is real nice of you,” his face felt warm and he hoped for the life of him he wasn’t blushing. 

Those flowers stayed on the counter of his shop for as long as he could keep them. When Atsumu made a comment about them during opening day Osamu told him to “shut his mouth” and “mind his business”. Atsumu chose to drop it for the time being but he’d never forget the soft look in his brother’s eyes whenever he looked at those flowers. 

***

It was an awful day. The kind of day that made him doubt if opening his own restaurant was a good idea after all. Maybe he should have just become a pro-athlete like his twin. He was a damn good volleyball player and the money would’ve been nice, not to mention never having to deal with self-entitled customers or things that were far out of his control. He was wiping down tables as he let himself fume in his frustrations. There was still ten minutes before he officially closed, and when he heard the chime of his door opening he had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. 

Of course, he thought as he collected himself enough to turn and greet the customer. 

“Rough day?” Her eyebrows knitted and concern laced in her voice. 

“Yeah,” he chuckled, humorless and exhausted. If asked, he would deny the way his tensed shoulders relaxed at the sound of her voice, “Ya want the usual?”

She shook her head, “No, no, I’m alright.”

“Told you it’s not a problem. Besides, makes no sense for you to go home hungry when you’re here,” a repeat of a conversation he’s sure they’ve had a hundred times. 

With the holiday’s coming soon she would leave her shop later, and the first time he’d seen her walk by his restaurant at 7:30 he had rushed out to stop her. Since then, whenever she finds herself leaving at a later hour than intended, she waits inside Onigiri Miya. 

She walks to the front counter and picks up one of the rags, “And I told you I’ll only eat something if you let me pay for it.”

As she starts to wipe down one of the tables he feels his heart clench, “You don’t have—.”

“Well I’m going to,” she interrupts. 

Always so damn stubborn, he thinks. If there’s one thing he’s learned about her its that she’s as headstrong and stubborn as they come. The first time she had stood in front of him with arms crossed and pretty face set he had to walk away. 

“Then you’re going to eat somethin’.”

There’s a brief silence before an exaggerated sigh leaves her lips, “Fine.”

With that Osamu goes to make something for her. As he does so he pretends not to see her place five dollars at the register and tomorrow when she comes by his shop to drop off flowers as a way to ‘repay’ him for the food, she’ll pretend not to notice him slip the five dollars into the pocket of her apron. He’s fairly certain they’ve been trading the same five dollars for the past four months. 

She hums along to the song playing over the speakers as she wipes down the last three tables. In all honesty, Osamu was nearly done cleaning by the time she came in, but he still appreciated the way she insisted on lessening whatever she could. She disappeared into the back for a bit, returning with a broom in hand. Before she could make any headway in sweeping he called her name. 

Osamu meets her half way and takes the broom from her hands. She pats him gently on his bicep as she walks by. He watches her for a moment. She walks behind the counter and takes a seat at the stool he has there. The way she walks about his shop freely puts a smile on his face. 

Yeah, I made the right choice, he thinks to himself as he begins to sweep the floor. 

***

“Ma, tell yer thick headed son that he needs to man up and just do it,” It’s taking every ounce of patience and respect for his mother Osamu has to not jump across the table and fight Atsumu the way they did in their teens. 

“You really never get tired of hearin’ yer own voice, huh?” Osamu spits back, accent always a little thicker around his brother and ma. 

Osamu’s eyes keep flicking towards the window of his shop, thinking he’s doing it slyly enough not to be caught; but of course his ma is fully aware. There’s a look of concern that she’s never seen in her son’s eyes before. She knows her son—she knows that he hates the idea of falling in love only for it to turn tainted and ugly. She also knows that prior to moving into this space her son had no idea how to keep a plant alive, but looking at the various plants and flowers that decorate his shop she knows that something inside of her son has healed. 

She eats her onigri that her son lovingly made, and tunes out the sound of her son’s arguing—she’s used to this little back and forth of theirs. For as much as Atsumu enjoys antagonizing his brother, he wants him to be happy and he sees that the shop owner next door does just that.

Onigiri Miya is empty, save for the three of them, which is the only reason why Osamu is indulging his brother’s antics. Well, that is only partially true; the other reason he is allowing this to continue is that it keeps his mind off of the worry growing in the pit of his stomach. 

Just as Osamu is about to pull out his phone and call, he sees an all too familiar beat up blue kei truck parking in front of his restaurant. Both his brother and mother notice the worry fade from Osamu’s eyes only to be replaced by amused adoration. 

“Watch the shop,” Osamu tells his brother as he walks outside to meet the woman. 

Atsumu and their ma watch as the woman driving the truck beams at Osamu as he walks up. Even though they can’t hear the exchange occurring between the pair it’s clear by the way the woman shakes her head at whatever Osamu says and grabs his wrist to show him his watch that he made a comment about the time. 

Ma notes the way her son smiles at the woman and how easily the woman keeps up with her son’s quips. Just as Osamu is about to pick up one of the boxes in the bed of her truck they see as she smacks his hand away. She stands there, arms crossed and face set as she tells—scolds—him not to overexert himself seeing as he did so yesterday while he was getting his shipment in. He replies with something that has her rolling her eyes and laughing before she goes off to open her shop door. 

“See what I mean, Ma,” Atsumu sighs. 

*** 

Osamu is convinced he’s never been this nervous before. Telling his twin he’s quitting volleyball? Starting a food truck? Opening a brick and mortar? A breeze compared to having the most beautiful, intelligent, and hardworking woman stood in his small studio apartment. While at his shop he could feign having his life in order, but having a woman like her in a place like this made him feel… like he was fighting a losing battle. There was no way he could ever be enough—. 

“No fair, you’ve got bigger windows!” 

Osamu paused, pulled from his spiral, “What?”

“The windows in my studio are teeny tiny compared to yours,” she explained, as if that would somehow make Osamu understand her. He didn’t. 

She walked further into his apartment the same way she walked about his restaurant—as if she’s done it a million times. Oddly, under all his ‘first date’ anxieties, he felt the same; as if this was commonplace for them—his soul was at ease with hers. 

“Okay, well dinners almost ready if you wanna… keep cryin’ over my windows,” he chuckles. 

He’s had to have said that phase thousands of times in his life, but never once did they fill him with as much domestic bliss as when he said them to her. 

“What’re you making,” same lilt in her voice as when she asked him that same question after-hours at Onigiri Miya. 

“You’ll see in a minute,” same response he always gave her. 

“This is a date, you know, you’re supposed to be nice to me,” the teasing glint in her eyes he’s learned well returning. She leans on the counter, small of her back pressing up against the lip, while she looks up at him. He’s all too familiar with this too. 

“Am I not? Being nice to ya, I mean,” his tongue slipping back into its natural accent subconsciously. 

“That country charm will only get you out of so much, Osamu,” he was certain that he would die if he ever had to go without hearing his name coming from her mouth. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he smirks as he pats her hip to move her and grab something from the cabinet behind her. 

That move being something that he learned from her. It was comical, really, the way a 6’4” man, built and strong, could easily be pushed around with a few simple pats from the sweetest looking woman in a soft pink apron. 

“How’d that date your brother went on go, by the way?” She asked once she settled back into her previous position. 

Osamu gave her a look that told her all she needed to know. In the time she had grown closer to Osamu it also meant getting to know the loud setter. The first time she had met Atsumu he had walked into her shop lackadaisically looking around. She had been thoroughly confused as to why the owner of Onigiri Miya was mulling about her shop instead of tending to his own. When she walked up to him, ready to scold him for not attending to his restaurant, he looked at her. In that moment the playful jab bubbling in her throat disappeared because she knew that he wasn’t Osamu. 

At that point, Osamu had moved into the space next to hers only two months ago, but even then she could tell that the identical looking man in front of her was not him. The man in front of her did not make her heart flutter and his eyes didn’t make her feel seen. When the man introduced himself as Atsumu, brother to the owner next door, she smiled. 

“Poor guy, he sounded like he really liked her,” she says, pulling herself from the memory at the sound of sizzling coming from the pan. 

Osamu sighs, “Yeah, and you said that about the last girl he went out with too.” 

Atsumu had gotten into the habit of purchasing bouquets from her shop for his dates, which meant that he spent his time between Onigiri Miya and Ume Field singing praise over the newest ‘love of his life’. She had met many people like Atsumu since opening her shop, hopeless romantics with hearts far too big and sensitive for their own good, and she would listen intently as he spoke of those women. Atsumu was genuine and the women who he dated often times were not. Gold diggers or people chasing their fifteen minutes for dating the Miya Atsumu. 

“He’s just got a big heart, Osamu.”

“He’s an idiot.”

She gives him a look that makes him want to be kinder, “Listen, I’ve just had to deal with this—with him—my whole life and I don’t like him botherin’ you with it now.” 

“I’ve told you, I don’t mind.”

“I know, I know,” he says. 

A comfortable silence settles between them as Osamu plates their food. He sets the food on the small table and then walks towards her. She smiles softly as she takes his outstretched hand into hers and lets him pull her closer. She’s never met a man like Osamu before, that much she’s sure of. From that moment, all those Tuesday’s ago, when she had told him her door was difficult to open and he closed his shop for an hour so he could fix her door she knew that he had her heart. 

Unbeknownst to her, Osamu had fallen for her far before then, as much as he wanted to deny it. The moment she had walked into his restaurant, wood and construction equipment strewn across the flower, with flowers arranged meticulously by her talented hands he was taken with her. Even so, he waited until now, a year later, to ask her on a date. There was still growth he needed to do before he started anything with her. She deserved the best version of himself he could give. 

“Hi,” he says softly as she wraps her arms around his torso. 

“Hi,” she repeats as she rests her head on his chest. 

Years from now, when they’re stood in the home that they’ve built together he’ll think back to this moment. He’ll think of standing in his cramped studio apartment with the woman that would become his wife and feeling a wave of peace settle in his soul. 

[ackerfics]

FAMILY LINE — a house of the dragon fanfiction | aegon ii targaryen x oc

act zero: the prince and the siren (wc: 1.3k) | masterlist

note: oh, and i forgot to mention, there is past daemon x oc in this oops | this is also posted on ao3

Ink on olden paper says two children were born from a great love that shook the realm.

A dragon rained fire, mountains were threatened, men were slayed — all were stepping stones to a hand being asked in marriage, to a union witnessed by the Fourteen Flames and the Seven themselves. The heavens rejoiced, sang their choruses high in the clouds bathed in ever-golden rays, as they blessed the kiss that bound their souls, bodies, and hearts into a single entity, as seen in every birth of their blood — the midnight hall shattered, igniting the spectacle of celestial bodies every pair of eyes marvelled at and years later, the most tumultuous of storms, carpeting the land with the most vibrant shade of viridian that lasted moons on end.

The Rogue Prince and The Siren of the Vale.

Daemon Targaryen and Aellara Arryn.

Every story started with a bold declaration.

For someone who loathed the jadedness of the Vale, Daemon found himself enthralled with the enigma of The Siren of the Vale who was rumoured to be the most bewitching woman to exist in this age, having only heard reminiscent tales from his good-sister, Aemma Targaryen, and songs spread from the mouths of bards. Men would trek the highest mountains to reach Eyrie in hopes of catching a single glimpse of the veiled beauty. It was the very reason why he blatantly rejected his grandmother’s impending proposal to a Bronze Bitch he wouldn’t dare touch in this lifetime, with that fucking sneer on her face as if he was the dirt and she was the god. If only he could shovel her face into the dirt and be done with it. Instead, he longed for the object of everyone’s desire, and that was the youngest child of the House that boasted a falcon for their sigil. Having The Siren by his side would surely sway the public’s favour to lean more toward his side. It would mean ensuring his place as his brother’s Heir; she is of Targaryen blood after all. To have the woman of everyone’s dreams as the Queen Consort would give him the power he never thought Daemon had, which had him singing prayers to the gods he believed in even though he wasn’t a pious man.

With no potential bride linking to him since The Good Queen Alyssane nearly betrothed him to Rhea Royce, Daemon had all the freedom a young man could ever want and need. Pleasure houses were frequented (he had more lovers than any of the noblemen combined — probably even had bastards running around), lands were flown over by the Blood Wyrm, and positions were given to him by his brother (all of which never actually reached a moon at most — fucking Hightower cunt). He had it all. But all it took was a little slip through one of the towers of Eyrie while on dragonback and he was back to the first tile.

There was no other reason for him to propose a marital union with one of the Arryn daughters than to solidify his claim on the throne.

That was all.

There was nothing captivating with the periwinkle blues owned by such a woman of ethereal enchantment. He didn’t trail his eyes from the effortless waves of her white gold hair (every piece of ornament she tangled with her tresses was pure art) down to the pleasing curves that couldn’t be concealed with her flowing dress. (It was almost like the Maiden was born in the realm; Daemon nearly groaned in front of Eyrie’s family seat). His mind wasn’t occupied with conjuring the most sinful images concerning the young woman — he didn’t picture out mapping a constellation of red peonies on her skin or tasting the drink of the gods she very much possessed. Of course, he didn’t gulp down an unnecessary collection of nervousness down his throat when she placed her godly gaze on his worshipping, undivided attention. Fuck, she was so beautiful that he was now covering his crotch with linked hands. Her father was talking yet their joined eye contact sent an impulse of static energy, just enough for The Rogue Prince to feel a jolt down his spine.

But he wasn’t the only man this ambitious to steal the Maiden from her heart and home.

“Prove that you’re devoted to taking my daughter’s hand under your protection, Your Highness. Prove that you are a worthy man of my greatest treasure.”

Bloodshed reigned; there was a battle between the suitors of Aellara Arryn. It was almost called a tourney if not for the condition that for a victor to emerge, the opponent must be decapitated and unable to make a sound except for noises of demise. And with too much blood on his hands, Daemon Targaryen walked away from the bodies as the winner, hastily taking a single stem of a sapphire rose from a jittering squire and (surprisingly) placing it behind Aellara’s right ear with the tenderness befitting a man ensnared by the most dangerous curse known to the realm (but not before making sure there wasn’t a single drop of blood on her skin; as much as he loved seeing blood on someone’s skin, it was almost a crime to see it on hers). Daemon crowned Aellara as the Queen of Love and Beauty without being told to, seven Hells, this trial for her hand in marriage wasn’t even a tourney needing a beautiful woman to be crowned. Yet he did it anyway. All to sway her to his side.

But was it really?

He found his breath hitching when Aellara smiled. It was seeing the glory of Old Valyria right in front of his eyes. His chest pounded against his will as she lifted a dainty hand, a handkerchief in between her hold, and dabbed it on one of the blood splatters on his cheek, erasing a sign of his ruthlessness with her divinity. The shade of blue owned by the rose contrasted deeply with her blonde hair, lighting up the shine innate in the periwinkle hues of her eyes. She was a fucking vision and he never desired anything more in his life until he met her.

With the Siren out of the chambers of her House’s seat, Daemon Targaryen wed Aellara Arryn at the beginning of the 105th year After the Conquest in the ways of the Seven and Old Valyria.

The premise of this romance was worthy of ballads yet it was the start of something so cruelly beautiful for one of them.

From wailing a loss of a person so dear that a large part of your soul broke away; going away because of a loved one’s exile; bearing the heir of the Prince of Dragonstone and relishing in the cocoon of appreciation in enveloped you; gaining two stolen dragon eggs for the twin babes; watching the love of your life flying to war while giving birth under the shattering night sky; suffering the betrayal of your husband’s unfaithfulness and disloyalty, breaking every bit of the vows made in front of fourteen pairs of eyes; to accepting yourself leaving this world in the same way it took your sister.

And it left behind three children with no titles, no protection, no family — it was the world against their little faces, so naive at the slimy fingers of faux niceties and always on the receiving end of reptilian smiles and hollow pity. The hourglass is letting the sand trickle in, waiting for the moment the scavengers pluck out the lingering, pulsing ache that will never be forgiven and forgotten. Because all the while The Rogue Prince created another bubble of domesticity across the seas, a son grew up too soon, a daughter stepped up to become the caretaker, and a young babe never had the chance of a complete family.

rory speaks !!

the reason why this sort-of prologue is so short despite carrying so many things is bc daemon and aellara are not the main focus of this story. i wanted to give a glimpse as to what is the nature of the main characters' parents' relationship; the main thing summarising everything is that daemon is a huge whore and is power-hungry for the title that given to him ... so, poor aellara. and having her die from childbirth is another thing to add to daemon's suffering bc this man has seen enough of it to last a lifetime (his mother, his sister-in-law, wife, and future wife; don't know how he keeps fathering children when this is what he experienced yikes). another reason why this is short is bc we're mostly seeing the events play out in the kids' (aesira, aether, aegon, and aemond; the furious ae's) eyes so, the information is limited when it reaches the twins' ears. bc let's face it, we always sugarcoat things when we tell a little bit of info to kids.

damn, and i had to post it here; let me prepare myself for the backlash woo

[definegodliness]

Style

Contrary to what might be expected, I am not an avid book reader. Regrettably, I have an incredibly hard time finding stories that captivate me, and am far easier annoyed with writing styles and far sooner bored with subject choices than, I'm sure, would better me. Herein, I'd like to add, not to sound too pedantic, it is mostly the weirdness of my own brain that hinders me. In constant world-dissecting contemplation, therein all too prone to jadedness and world weariness. A rather unruly mind that not only is weird, but also craves weirdness: surprises, sparks of curiosity, and above all confusion; logic in chaos, magic in reality.

Magical realism.

Two days ago I learned about this style of writing, and I'm excited. We had guests over, old friends of my mom and dad; a married couple with whose family we used to spend holidays together. Occasionally they drop by, or my mom and I go to theirs. After catching up, I had to go walk the dog, so I missed out on a lot of fun, and often inspiring, conversations, and when I came back we went from series and movie recommendations --- for which I am also rather useless --- to reading tips.

Now, I have reading tips, but I always add the disclaimer that my mind is weird and my tastes are based on vagueness and obscurity, definitely not for everybody. But as I was, I suppose apologetically, enthusing about Süskind's Perfume and Hesse's Steppenwolf, adding them to 'the borrow pile', the husband had been nodding and finally hummed:

"Magical realism."

Immediately intruiged, I asked him what it was, and he explained it was a certain writing style. He couldn't quite reproduce the exact mannerisms of the style, as it was part of his high school material, but when I spoke about my reading preferences one of his Dutch classes had randomly popped into his mind. And(!) there was a book. He grabbed his phone and searched both Google and his memory simultaneously, until his much anticipated: "A-ha!"

Hubert Lampo

The Coming Of Joachim Stiller

I ordered the book immediately. Today, it arrived, and this evening I started reading. 80 feverishly read pages in I can already say this is EXACTLY what my weird, food-for-thought malnourished brain had been literarily craving. Not only subject wise, but the Flemish Lampo, like our southern neighbours tend to do, writes attentive, therein striving for perfection. Then, Lampo himself treats the Dutch language as an artform. I have to reread bits because I get distracted admiring his craft.

There are so many mind sparkling sentences, and he strings them together without fearing any extra comma or conjunction. Some take up over half a page and I love it. I'll gladly admit it took me some pages to get used to reading such writing again, having solely read poetry and (news) articles for a year or two, but it is such a blessing to not be underestimated as a reader in both vocabulary and attention span.

I put down the book to write down this feeling of joy, and share it, but also to be able to relive the feeling when I head to my mom and dad's friends' place, as a guest, to properly express my thanks for the recommendation.

Don't you adore it when a great book just randomly comes into your life like this? When it finds you as if fated, because it is at a time in your life when you, in hindsight, direly seek its contents.

For obvious reasons, I do. It's one of the little magics I still have left. All my favourite books have come to me randomly, as such. However, two, maybe three years of waiting for such a moment is a long time. That's why I'm also glad that two days ago I got to know about the style. Magical Realism. I'll dive into that as soon as I finish reading, or, better said, consuming The Coming Of Joachim Stiller.

[thefinalwitness]

l'aiha and thancred get a nice bit of their own healing done in shb too, regarding each other. that and post-heavensward when they find out what happened to minfilia are the two instances where they engage one another, which they don't do almost at all otherwise because of the ARR ifrit thing. (l'aiha's mad he left her alone and thancred's mad HE left her alone) they don't dislike each other by the end of ARR but they really can't breach this first, horrific impression.

and even in hw patches they don't really talk TO each other. they sense each other's deepening jadedness and mourning, and they speak up in each other's defense several times, but they still can't really FACE each other. but they see themselves in each other, and they both wish someone would understand how much pain they're in. so l'aiha speaks up in thancred's defense with emmanellain, and they both do so in a few other scenes as well throughout hw patches and stb.

but the ironic thing about shb is they're NOT relating to each other this time, and it causes them to engage for the first time in 4 (or 9 in thancred's case) years, but it's not friendly. l'aiha is furious about how thancred handles ryne, and thancred is furious about how l'aiha handles emet-selch. their animosity grows worse and worse until, finally...

they both realize how fucking wrong they were. thancred about ryne, l'aiha about emet-selch. and neither of them take any satisfaction out of the other's moment of revelation. nobody's happy. they expected even a LITTLE relief, and it's there, but it's dull compared to just how overwhelmingly SAD they are for each other.

and i think that's when they both figure out they've ALWAYS been sad for each other. l'aiha was mad about ryne in part because thancred was denying himself healing. thancred was mad about emet-selch because he was scared he'd hurt l'aiha. even after ARR, when they're not upset about ifrit anymore but keep their distance from one another, it's out of concern FOR EACH OTHER.

thancred believes l'aiha hates him because he left her with ifrit. l'aiha believes she's responsible for the bad mental state that led thancred to being possessed by lahabrea. they think they're only capable of hurting each other, and stay away because they don't WANT to do that.

and after shb, after ryne and emet-selch, they can't stand to watch the other still, still hurting after all this time. they're not friends, exactly, but they remind me of like... two people who found each other in rehab. their relationship is intrinsically built up with a desire to see the other overcome their tragedies and heal; they have seen each other's souls in a way you only really do when you've both crawled out of hell together. they can do the periodic friendly banter throughout endwalker. they scold the SHIT out of each other about their martyrdom in ultima thule (thancred deleting himself, l'aiha sending the scions away from the endsinger). it's still kind of hostile when even just a little stress sparks, but they know now it comes from a place of wanting the other to MAKE IT. to LIVE.

and i'm just. feelings about them. they're not friends but they're deeply important to each other. and maybe, slowly, in seeing how angry they get when the other undermines themselves, MAYBE one day they'll realize they can stop doing it to themselves. they can stop making it worse in this delusional hope that it will save someone else. they can realize they're being, for each other, what they need themselves. ough. they're like soldiers who met in war and they're home now and what they have is utterly untranslatable into words. it's unspeakable. it's love and anger and kinship and hatred and they will never untangle their souls from one another no matter how good or bad it gets. they're fused like metals in a forge.

[neverwashere]

theory hour

in itsv we've got two peters: peter 1610 and peter b parker. the two are set up to kind of be opposites; peter 1610 is blonde, has a wife/significant other, hes energetic and immediately offers to help miles when he realizes theyre alike. meanwhile, peter b is jaded, single, sad, and pretty much instantly refuses to help miles out. peter 1610 is set up to be perfect (as said by peter b) while peter b is very obviously not.

heres my theory:

i dont think peter 1610 and peter b are that different.

peter b has been spiderman for 22 years. thats 12 more than peter 1610. of course hes going to be jaded and tired. hes older, both in traditional age and as a spiderman. he actually got married to mj, but later divorced because they couldnt make it work. peter 1610, on the other hand, has only been spiderman for 10 years. he does everything peter b did as spiderman. saved the city, fell in love, etc. etc. however, peter 1610 is younger, not as jaded, and more optimistic, and he hasnt experienced 22 years of spidermanning like peter b has. in the fight with prowler at the collider, peter 1610 takes a moment to lie under the big collider thingies after taking a hit from the prowler, and he says, probably to himself, im so tired. this shows that he ISNT the energetic spiderman that he is shown to be. he could be physically tired, but i think he meant more like im so tired of fighting all the time and maybe even im so tired of being spiderman. hes on that path to jadedness that peter b likely took. of course, he gets back up and fights, but thats kind of the trademark of spiderman.

tl;dr i think if you left peter 1610 to be spiderman for 12 more years he would probably end up as tired and jaded as peter b.

[lunapaper]

Album Review: 'This is Why' - Paramore

The disco! is dead. Fall Out Boy are... whatever the hell Fall Out Boy are these days. But Paramore continues to endure. 

Influencing everyone from Soccer Mommy to Lil Uzi Vert to Billie Eilish to WILLOW to Olivia Rodrigo (who famously gave writing credits to Hayley Williams and ex-guitarist Josh Farro on her hit single, ‘good 4 u’). 16 years later, ‘Misery Business’ will still get the room pumping. Paramore has almost single-handedly upended the emo/pop punk landscape. 

Interestingly, though, the band hasn’t dabbled much in emo or pop punk since the release of 2017’s After Laughter, an emotionally fraught record filled with jangling New Wave and day-glo synths. You can trace their pop pivot back even further with tracks like ‘Ain’t It Fun’ and ‘Still Into You’ from their 2013 self-titled album.  

So it’s only natural for the Tennessee trio to make yet another sonic shift on their latest album, this time in the form of post-punk and 2000s indie sleaze. Born out of post-lockdown malaise, This is Why is a record of two halves: the first half spiky and angular, powered by jittery sort of energy; the second half subdued and rather longing. 

The title track restlessly twists and turns like a snake in the desert heat until it explodes into a leery dance-punk chorus, Williams’ fierce demands coming off like seductive taunts. ‘The News’ is menacing and kinetic, echoing the all-consuming anxiety we feel at the 24-hour news cycle. ‘C’est Comme Ça’ has a snarky na-na-na-like energy that proves infectious, as divisive as it was upon release. 

‘Running Out of Time’ turns perpetual lateness into a funky 80s bop, Williams asking ‘What if I'm just a selfish prick? On highlight ‘You First’ she’s both ' the killer and the final girl,’ recalling the brooding and intense nature of Petals for Armor. 

Williams spends a lot of This is Why beating herself up: For not caring enough, for caring too much, for not owning up to her feelings, for wanting to relive more carefree times. She craves nostalgia; she scolds herself for attracting ‘broken people.’ She seemingly envies the ‘smooth operator in a shit-stained suit,’ the man who can pick up where he left off with no real consequences after causing a scandal. On ‘Liar,’ she struggles to admit her feelings to bandmate Taylor York. Even on ‘C’est Comme Ça,’ she finds adulthood a bore, wryly telling the listener that ‘it’s my dependence on the friction that really hinders my progression.’ 

Her sentiments are nothing new, her mixed feelings towards Paramore’s biggest hit probably the best example of this. Four years on, the singer still feels compelled to justify her more enlightened position on ‘Misery Business,’ even when no one asked.  

I’m inclined to agree with Spectrum Pulse, that it’s much more interesting to examine its ‘ugly emotional truth’ rather than try to distance yourself from it, especially from a feminist perspective. You don’t see Avril disowning ‘Girlfriend,’ not too dissimilar to ‘Misery Business’ in terms of romantic angst. 

Coming in at a tight 36 minutes, many have called This is Why Paramore’s most mature album yet and praised the band for supposedly growing out of their bratty punk phase, as if they only became jaded elder millennials just recently. But that’s kinda selling the trio short: They’ve always had a knack for sonic reinvention and have long possessed a maturity and jadedness beyond their years, culminating in their magnum opus, After Laughter, which almost saw them break up. For every snarky pop punk anthem like ‘Misery Business,’ there’s a ‘Brick by Boring Brick’ or ‘Hard Times.’ 

Though the record is not without its flaws. The post-punk influence is rather overstated and doesn’t really go beyond a handful of tracks. It also feels thematically scattered, placing personal introspection alongside rather vague and sometimes dated political statements.  

What else is there to say about pandemic-era politics that hasn’t already been said? How can William be so shocked and horrified at the stream of bad news that’s plagued us these past few years, then just... turn off the TV? Even this refrain from ‘The News’ – ‘Exploitative, performative, rhetorical… deplorable’ – feels like a bunch of buzzwords ripped straight from Twitter or the Tumblr blog of some smug teenage know-it-all circa 2014, crammed between a bunch of Sherlock and Supernatural gifs. For someone who’s been so politically vocal in recent years, who bared her soul so brilliantly on her solo work, Williams is oddly restrained on This is Why.   

Sonically, though, the album is pristine, delivering pop punk nostalgia and sleek rock grooves in equal measure. Notable mentions go to York’s indie stylings on ‘You First,’ Williams’ lush harmonies on ‘Liar’ and Zac Farro’s punchy drumwork on ‘Running Out of Time.’ 

While After Laughter saw a band on the verge of collapse, This is Why sees Paramore triumphantly bounce back. It might lack the sardonic wit and righteous fury of After Laughter or even Paramore, but it does remind us just how beautifully chaotic this band can truly be…  

- Bianca B. 

[leonbloder]

A Lesson In Childlike Faith

Have you ever had a moment (or two) when, as an adult, you got to revisit a place that was a massive part of your childhood, and it wasn't like you remembered it?

I've had more than a few of those moments, but I  recently had one on my summer road trip that left me feeling raw and emotional.  

I was driving north to Denver from southern Colorado and passed through my former hometown of Colorado Springs. 

On a whim, I decided to detour through the quaint town of Manitou Springs and visit Ghost Town, a tourist attraction my grandmother used to take me to on occasion when I was a little kid. 

As I drove down the familiar road to my destination, I was flooded with memories of my childhood and pre-teen years.  

Then I arrived at Ghost Town, which I remembered for its dusty, rustic decor, the stuffed two-headed calf, and other assorted oddities that horrified and delighted me when I was young. 

But when I got inside, I realized that things had changed over the past 40-plus years.  Gone were the two-headed calf and the oddities that I expected.  Even the buildings had been upgraded, and the quaint, rustic feel was lost.  

The attraction was dominated by a massive gift shop, which was far more interesting than anything else.  

As I drove away, I felt a sense of sadness and more than a bit of nostalgia.  I thought about my grandma and how she would take me there and always buy me candy at the end of the visit.  

I also thought about how childhood imagination can fade into adult reality, and I wished that wasn't so.  I longed to feel those feelings of wonder and joy again, unfettered by the cynicism and jadedness that often accompanies age.  

There's a passage in Paul's letters to the Corinthians where he states: 

"When I was a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; I felt as a child, I reasoned as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things..." 

I get that Paul was addressing a more metaphysical issue regarding how we see the world now, as opposed to how things are in God's reality.  But still, I have a problem with this way of thinking. 

Jesus said more than once that unless we have faith "like a child," we will miss out on seeing the truth and beauty of God's kingdom.  

At that moment, I remembered my trips to Ghost Town, which I had experienced when I was young.  They were filled with wonder and excitement, not so much for what I saw as to how and with whom I experienced them.  

This is a lesson we all need right about now.  The joy and beauty of our faith are inextricably connected to those with whom we have experienced it and the impact that communal experience has had on us.  

The theological explanations, while important, are secondary to how our faith impacts our minds, bodies, and souls.  Sometimes, what we need more than head knowledge is heart knowledge. 

May we experience our faith with childlike joy and imagination.  And may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with us now and always. Amen.  

[quicktimeeventfull]

would love to read the director’s cut of Bargaining Power if you’re up for it!

oh ABSOLUTELY.

bargaining power is very dear to my heart -- just prior to this, i'd stopped writing altogether for nearly two years. i wrote two fics in between (mirror box and equations) but bargaining power was the first one i was genuinely happy with. it was exciting to realize i was still capable of writing things that turned out as i intended.

SO director's cut information: the story initially ended right after the first half, with near being profoundly disappointed by L, before i realized that was much more cynical than i wanted. i had it IN the ao3 editor, formatted and everything, but pulled it out right before i hit publish.

it encompasses a lot of what i feel about aging, which is to say: i think it's tempting to see coldness and jadedness as maturity, but imo it's really the other way around. i also feel it's not necessarily a pleasant process to realize this, and that a lot of maturation kind of just ... happens to you, without you having to try. this is possibly the most important line to me:

This is not a choice he made. This is something that happened to him, as inevitable as the fall of rain in the spring and the blistering heat in summer. He didn’t want to be human but it had happened to him anyway.

near is still very very young in this & he hasn't quite settled into his new way of being; i consider fast versatile and convenient kind of the spiritual conclusion to this fic. i also kind of wanted to contrast near's young-but-adult optimism with the cynicism light intentionally developed. i feel near and first-arc light are honestly kind of similar people in a lot of ways -- they're so sure of themselves, and so certain that the world can change for the better. it's not a gentle hope but it's still hope.

also here's some more technical director's cut information:

i put a LOT of thought into the colour scheme for this fic. the first half is primarily bright with darker colours as contrast; the second is generally dark, with brightness as contrast. white/brightness is linked to near in the first half, and gold/brightness is linked to light in the second. additionally, brightness is generally linked to immaturity and darkness to maturity; even though near is technically younger in the second half, light is kind of frozen in time.

this was very tricky to do and took up like 90% of my editing time. some of this is kind of obvious (ex. stained glass light contrasted with Roger's dark office) but i will show two less clear examples.

He’s not fast and he’s not strong, but he moves like smoke.

no colours are literally described, but i tried to anchor near's pale colour scheme (which we are already aware of) in early. also now we have the linkage between near's movements and white, so you can interject that just by shifting him place to place.

He is wearing an ugly black suit and his hair is just a little too long, poorly cut, falling against his lips when he tips his head too far.

again there's no literal colour described, but we know that light's hair has that golden colour SO it is highlighted by contrast with the black suit; it's also in the line about 'gold under all this filth' and 'ink and bile.' i think you need all three for this to work.

the metaphorical immaturity/maturity framework gets set up in the first half, with near's bright colour scheme vs. roger's dark one & the whole scene with the ice lake.

[line-of-fire]

Independence Day

Because nobody's gonna stop me from making a 4th of July hc post for my American oc. And because time isn't real.

SSG Pixie-

It's kind of charged for her, just because it's one of the few days out of the year she'll force herself to actually go home for, where she has to hang up the mask as 'Pixie' to just be Red for a few days; daughter, sister and mother. Because of her relationship with her parents and older siblings, there's always a lot of tension, and truthfully she only goes to spend the time with her brother and daughter. A couple hours of being able to spend time with her other relatives without an argument breaking out is just a neat little bonus that sometimes happens.

But outside of that, it's a military family, so naturally it's a good-sized celebration with fireworks and grilling out and all that fun shit. So it isn't all bad.

CPT Pixie-

Yeah, this is one of those 'TF-291' functions. Pixie treats it like 'family day', letting her soldiers invite their families out if they're in town for barbecue, lawn games and fireworks later in the night. How big it is really depends on the year, and who all actually took leave.

Sweet Tea, Romeo and Copperhead are the main three that have consistently stuck around every year; each for their own reasons. (aka Sweet Tea prefers not to go home for 'minor' holidays; Romeo's Italian and Copperhead just doesn't go home). But Pixie always makes sure there's at least something going on to fit whatever the circumstances were that year. And it's always a good rnr opportunity; morale's always boosted and there's usually at least one story or two to come of it all.

DFW!Pixie-

She hates 4th of July, simple as that. It's a holiday, so automatically she's left feeling a certain sort of way about it. Especially considering how 4th of July was always a big thing in her family- a family who she's lost now partially due to her own actions.

Not to mention the jadedness she's developed towards her country's government after everything that happened. Hindsight is 20/20 after all, and she's become bitter over it all; how she ran into almost no barriers to enlisting at 17, not even a full legal adult, how she was allowed to re-enlist as an amputee with no shortage of mental health issues; how- and most importantly- she was abandoned, her death faked and then covered up, her brother murdered for knowing the truth. There's no love for the government lost on this former patriot, even if she continues to be employed by a three-letter agency.

And then there's the fireworks, the seemingly-constant explosions. On normal days, when she can expect it, it's already enough to drive a hammer into her mood and keep her nerves running high. But on Independence Day, when all she knows is that they'll happen? It's much worse for her, keeping her on-edge the entire day; each firework set off sending her closer to a breakdown.

As far as she's concerned, the day is just emblematic of decades of propaganda, state-sanctioned crimes and lost family members for the benefit of a government that couldn't give a rat's ass about the people it was supposed to be 'protecting'.

She'd rather consider the 4th of July to be a celebration of the American people and of their ideals, of community. Not a monument to history that only gets warped over the centuries (even though she does acknowledge the history as important as well).

Phoenix-

She lets herself have fun on the fourth. Why wouldn't she, after all? As far as she can tell, she is- or was- American, and it's an excuse to set off fireworks. Which her pyromaniac ass absolutely adores. Honestly? She probably loves the Fourth of July.

The fireworks, again, are probably the biggest and most obvious factor. Now, fire and smoke tend to have a sort of somewhat warped comfort and familiarity for her, but fireworks just feel a little different for her. There's no 'real' damage to be risked as far as she's concerned (She is heavily leaning on the use of her prosthetic arm), and they're oh so pretty to look at.

And it just feels different too, overall, especially if she's with Borealis. That sense of vague community she doesn't usually get to have. It's a day where it's a little easier to drown out her thoughts and truly embrace the moment.

[cosmicjoke]

So I just got through chapter’s 51 and 52 of Attack on Titan, and one thing that stuck out to me in 51, other than Levi’s obvious, deep anger with Erwin, which I’ll talk about in a minute, was how Levi made it a point to tell Connie that he’d done a good job after coming back with Hange from investigating his village.  Once again we see here Levi’s immense compassion for other people.  Nobody else really thought to give Connie that encouragement, despite his obvious distress in that moment.  They all were aware that Connie had lost everyone in his village, including his family, so it really demonstrates Levi’s thoughtfulness, once again, for other people and what they’re going through, that he takes the time to say just a few, kind words to Connie here.  

Then of course, there’s the big exchange in this chapter between Levi and Erwin, and there’s so much going on here.  But the first thing I noticed is the shift in Levi’s attitude, after he notices Erwin smiling upon hearing Hange’s theory about the Titan’s being humans.  At the beginning of this scene, Levi is showing Erwin a great deal of concern for his physical state, apologizing to him for him and Pixis showing up to talk, knowing how tired he must still be, saying to Erwin that he’ll understand if he would rather him and Pixis just come back later so he can keep sleeping.  Levi is giving Erwin the option here to deal with all of these new developments that they’re all dealing with later, and that offers a really insightful glimpse into the kind of respect and consideration Levi has for Erwin leading up to this point in the story.

What’s really interesting is the shift in Levi’s attitude here, after he sees Erwin smiling.  Levi starts to try and ask Erwin a question, after Hange’s revelations about the Titans, and he sees Erwin smiling to himself with a glazed, distant look in his eyes, and Levi’s horror is readily apparent.  He figures out almost immediately that Erwin is excited by this news, and Levi’s reaction is one of repulsion.  He even tells Erwin that he’s going to make him sick.  I think Levi’s reaction here is also partly fueled by his own feelings of deep dismay and horror at learning that all this time, he’s been killing other human beings.  So to see Erwin seemingly HAPPY about this revelation must seem particularly grotesque to Levi in that moment, while he’s dealing with his own feelings of guilt and despair and hopelessness.  Levi’s anger here is REALLY obvious, as he asks Erwin if this is the real reason he joined the Survey Corps.  We see Levi’s belief in Erwin starting to erode here, in real time.  Part of Levi’s anger, I think, must also stem from knowing that he’s put his faith entirely in Erwin, followed him with full belief in Erwin’s altruistic intentions, but now he has to face the possibility that his faith has been misplaced, that indeed the very REASON he joined the Corps to begin with, his faith in Erwin and his greater vision, may have been built on a lie.  This coming on the heels of realizing that Titans were actually humans, and he’s dedicated himself to killing them for years.  All of this leads you to really understand Levi’s controlled fury at Erwin in this scene.  When Erwin gets annoyed himself at Levi and tells him to lay off of him, and asks him to show him some pity, Levi says with obvious derision that, yeah, Erwin IS pitiful.  We see later in the scene Levi turn Erwin’s own words back on him, about him being mentally and physically exhausted, almost mocking Erwin with them as he reveals to him that he’s chosen to make the 104th his new squad and had Eren and Historia moved to an isolated location.  Levi’s anger here is really palpable, and it demonstrates the tension I think Levi’s probably always had with Erwin and their relationship.

Levi respects Erwin immensely, and I have no doubt he’d been ready to tell Erwin about his plans for the 104th with a lot more cordiality and willingness to involve him in that decision before Erwin’s motivations became revealed to him here.  But there’s always been that kind of conflict between them too, where Levi was willing to put his faith totally in Erwin’s vision, and in his ability to make the right choices, in order to advance the cause of humanity, but at the same time, felt deeply uncomfortable at times with Erwin’s methods towards achieving that goal, his willingness to sacrifice the lives of so many to that end, often resulting in the deaths of soldiers with no, substantial gain to be had.  He’s deeply aware of Erwin’s ruthlessness in getting the job done (we see that awareness later in chapter 52, when he asks Hange if they should run or kill their enemies before they can strike, and says it’s just like something Erwin would do when Hange says both).  It was Levi’s faith in Erwin, though, and his belief in Erwin’s purity and the righteousness of his cause, that allowed Levi to put his misgivings about Erwin’s methods aside, because he fully believed Erwin’s intentions were only to benefit humanity, and win them back their freedom someday.  So seeing Erwin smiling here, and having that faith in Erwin’s intentions thrown into question, alongside the awful revelation that Titan’s are actually humans, is obviously a pretty devastating blow to Levi’s own sense of balance and place, throwing into doubt what it is he’s been fighting for all this time, whether it was even real or not.  It’s like in one, fell swoop, Levi’s lost any amount of certainty in both what they’ve all been fighting for this whole time, and in the person he had put the most faith and trust in to guide them in the right direction.  I’m not sure how people could miss Levi’s anger towards Erwin here, or the reasons for it.  Levi is shown something in Erwin that makes him seriously doubt whether Erwin actually cares about humanity at all, or people at all.  Erwin appears happy that it turned out that Titan’s were humans, and Levi has no context, no way of knowing WHY Erwin would be happy about that.  He doesn’t know about his father, or the things his father told him, or how his father died.  So to Levi, it must just seem like Erwin is getting some sort of sick joy out of the revelation.  Again, to see something like that in the person you believed in the most, a person you admired deeply and thought of as superior to you, as holding a greater vision than you ever could, would be really, really hard.  It’s like Levi’s hero letting him down in the worst way possible.  

I think this should also be looked at in the context of Levi’s own experiences in life, and how that shaped his world view.  Levi comes from an extremely hard, deprived background, one of extreme poverty and desperation and violence.  That background, that difficult childhood, resulted in a necessary cynicism and jadedness in Levi.  He knows the way the world works, knows how hard life is, and how cruel and ruthless people can be.  He grew up in a world where there was no pretense, no civility or politeness to hide behind.  He grew up in a world where it was kill or be killed.  We see this weary understanding of how things really are later, again, in chapter 52, when Levi is explaining to Hange and the rest that they have two options, because the MP’s and those they work for aren’t going to just give up on getting their hands on Eren and Historia.  He knows they’re only going to try more forcefully and violently to get what they want, because that’s the way the world works, and that’s the way people are.  He also shows his worldly understanding of these sorts of things when he asks Hange how many of Nick’s fingernails they pulled, and knows that Nick likely didn’t talk because they pulled more than one.  It tells us about Levi’s experience and how he’s been exposed to the darker, crueler side of humanity, more than anyone else in that room.

So Levi also understands that if they just wait around, they’ll all eventually be killed.  He understands they can’t be passive here, and have to act immediately.  He impresses that reality unto Hange, who’s still reeling from Nick’s death, and forces her to make a decision as to what their next move should be.  He doesn’t allow her to wallow in her despair, and he does this for the sake of Eren and Historia, and all of them.  Once again, we see Levi being most concerned for the greater good, ready to act however is needed to help the most people.  He knows Hange is hurting, but he knows also that none of them can afford to be, as he says to her, timid.  They have to move.  Well, anyway, my point that I’m trying to make is that Levi’s life experience has forced him to be cynical about other people’s motivations and characters, about concepts of nobility and morality.  To look at other people’s true intentions with a skeptical eye, because he grew up in a cut-throat environment, exposed to deep poverty, trauma and pain, where people no doubt would turn on you, or abandon you in a moment for nothing more than a scrap of bread.  With that in mind, you have to realize that Levi’s faith in Erwin is rather remarkable.  That he’s able to BELIEVE that deeply in another person, to believe in another person’s goodness, and purity of intention, given Levi’s background and the life he’s lived, is extraordinary, and really tells us so much about who Levi really is.  Despite every experience in his life informing him  that he should be skeptical and cynical and mistrustful of people and their intentions, despite his every experience telling him that the world is a cruel, ugly, awful place filled with loss, pain and grief, Levi still wants so much to believe in something better.  To believe in purity of hearts and intentions, to believe in a higher morality and goodness.  And despite all of his life experience telling him otherwise, Levi is able to believe that’s who Erwin is.  A person with a higher, better moral standing, a person with a pure and true heart.  He believes it all the way.  So, to then have that faith, which Levi somehow held onto against all odds and reason, dashed against the rocks in a single, terrible moment of realization, would be horrible.  Levi is someone who wants so much to believe there can be a better world, with better people in it.  And I think Erwin represented that possibility to Levi, for a long time.  And so to learn that his belief in Erwin was, perhaps, too idealistic, to have that skepticism that his life’s beaten into him affirmed, rather than rejected, must have felt like the worst kind of betrayal to Levi, and just a crushing disappointment.

Of course, Erwin later is able to prove to Levi that his faith in him wasn’t misplaced, as he lives up to the ideal Levi saw in him to begin with, with Levi’s help and encouragement.  But that’s a different post altogether!  When I get to that part of the manga, I’ll be positing about it as well.

Also, Hange’s own sense of horrible guilt and remorse in these chapters, both over realizing she’d been experimenting on human’s this whole time, and over Nick’s death, was an amazing parallel to Levi’s.  I think the two of them share so many similar feelings and such a similar depth of feeling over everything.  Always trying to do the right thing, and struggling so much with whether the choices they make are the right choices, or whether any of this is worth the sacrifices they’re forced to make.

[fantastic-nonsense]

You realize how old Kristen and Idina were when they got the roles, eh?

some of y'all on this site really need to learn that film and the stage are two different mediums and thus require different considerations for the audience's suspension of disbelief and narrative buy-in. Did you all learn nothing from Dear Evan Hansen?

It doesn't matter how old the stage actresses who play Elphaba and Glinda are. For a movie, you genuinely need to take into account the general ages of the characters so you can portray the story correctly. If we somehow got a Hamilton movie (which I don't want), would you want a grown man to play 9-year-old Phillip just because Anthony Ramos happened to be a grown man playing him on stage?

Elphaba's entire first act arc is predicated on her being a young, awkward college student who's never really interacted with other people before she got to Shiz. You CANNOT convince me that an actress in her mid-30s (especially one like Cynthia, who absolutely looks like she's in her 30s) should be playing that role.

It also undermines the musical's "hey, isn't this fucked up?" message regarding the parentification plotpoint with Elphaba and Nessa (and how this impacts her mindset and actions throughout the musical). It fundamentally doesn't hit if Elphaba is a grown-ass adult old enough to have her own kids and not very clearly a teenager/young adult being forced to basically parent her younger sister.

And in terms of Ariana's age (which is not actually the principal reason I have a problem with her casting)....well, the story is much more forgiving to bubbly airhead Act 1!Galinda because she's so young and easily manipulated. Act 2!Glinda's quiet jadedness and remorse are made more apparent by the contrast between Act 1!Galinda's genuine naivety and Act 2!Glinda's acted naivety. Ariana can pass for "traditionally college-aged" much more easily than Cynthia, but it's still......not great.

[canmom]

Animation Night 123: Summer

Hi friends! Short writeup today since I’m up pretty late.

Happy Animation Night 123! Today to celebrate the theme of ordinal numbers we’re going to be watching Sesame Str-

So! It’s summer (in the Northern hemisphere) so let’s watch some summer movies! I’m not entirely sure how this genre got established - perhaps Makoto Shinkai is to blame - but it’s become a regular thing for anime films to drop in the summer, typically sci-fi-inflected romances, recognisable by a brilliant blue sky filled with fluffy white clouds - often a big cumulonimbus - on their poster.

So tonight we’re going to be checking out two such movies from the last couple of years. One is Pompo, the Cinéphile (映画大好きポンポさん Eiga Daisuki Pomposan) from last year; the other Bubble which dropped a couple of months ago)...

Let’s start with the earlier film, Pompo!

Pompo is a film about an established movie director, Pompo, and two young people: her assistant, a movie buff named Gene, and a young girl Natalie who just arrived in the city with dreams of becoming a movie star. In the story, Pompo gives Gene the chance to direct one of her scripts, and he takes it maybe a little too seriously...

The story began as a manga series running on Pixiv and it is not especially long. The task of expanding it into a feature film thus feel to Takayuki Hirao, known for a number of works at the renowned Ufotable, including one of the movies in the Garden of Sinners septology. However, Hirao’s own career hit a major speedbump after the disastrous collapse of the highly overambitious God Eater anime - and in fact there is a fascinating article by kVin on how this forms the emotional background to this film.

Much as ‘best One Piece film’ Baron Omatsuri and the Secret Island was inspired by Mamoru Hosoda’s brief ordeal at Studio Ghibli, running through Pompo is Hirao’s mess of feelings of a career that has proven very self-destructive:

The mantra that Hirao has settled on, one that he says that only leaving ufotable allowed him to properly formulate, is that he wants to create works where the minority gets back at the majority. Or, to put it somewhat more precisely, works that celebrate the success of outcasts and social misfits without eroding their unique identities. This is echoed beautifully in one of the climactic scenes, where Gene states that movies saved him—just as Hirao said happened to him in his youth—and in order for this to happen to others, he’ll make movies that those who have fallen on the waysides can see themselves in as well, as the visuals flash through all sorts of chronically disenfranchised communities. The final acts of the movie blur the lines between Gene and the movie he’s making, and in doing so, they directly channel Hirao’s well-meaning dreams as well.

In similar fashion, though, Hirao’s unhealthy approach to the creative process becomes an inescapable presence in the film. While the original work is somewhat tongue in cheek about its jadedness, Hirao tackles it completely seriously, pondering whether the creative process really is synonymous with sacrificing parts of your life—relationships, time, even health—and an inherently lonely process. And to him, it really appears to be. Gene’s journey and that of his characters is self-destructive; the director knows that, the film is perfectly aware of it as well, and yet neither have it in themselves to fully condemn it. Their worldview is challenged, but unlike Hosoda’s Baron Omatsuri that had enough time to come up with a definitive answer, all Hirao can offer is a neat clash of ideas.

Honestly as someone who is struggling with a similar set of feelings right now, I’m fascinated to see this.

As the film progresses, much as in a Satoshi Kon film, the movie starts to blend with the characters’ ‘reality’, and the editing that has formed the theme comes to the fore. kVin reads this as Hirao rebuilding his confidence:

Now, for as dark as the thematic implications of the movie can be, Pompo is an almost mathematically refreshing movie to watch. The truth is that, despite being highly regarded for his snazzy editing, Hirao had lost confidence in it, wondering if he was turning into a gimmicky, shallow director. Having only noticed all the praise his direction on works like Paradox Spiral got after becoming freelance, and being entrusted with a movie like Pompo that celebrates the artifice of film and the power of editing, he unleashed all his tricks in a more pointed way than ever.

Even before this film, Hirao had been a strong proponent of editing as a transformative stage in animation that rarely gets any attention—not from his peers, let alone audiences. He values it enough to have a dedicated editor across all his works: Tsuyoshi Imai, with whom he worked as early as the storyboarding stage. In a way, Pompo became a movie that required less from its nominal editing stage because it was already visualized with precise editing in mind.

The seamless flow and smart cutting are enjoyable in and of themselves, but the editing on a macro level is just as deliberate. The character of Pompo is a strong believer in movies that last around 90 minutes, as it was hard for her child self to stay put for longer when her grandpa forced her to watch a film. And so, Hirao took that to mind; despite having overdone it with his original material to the point that he had nearly 2 hours worth of script, he trimmed it so that 90 minutes to the second pass between Gene’s first appearance and the last shot of the film, where he proclaims his biggest triumph was making a movie of Pompo’s desired length. That tightness and that control of the tempo make Pompo one of the most frictionless movies I’ve seen, which is no easy feat considering that it deals with some heavy subjects.

Now, one character who appears in Hirao’s story who I haven’t mentioned is Tetsuro Araki, of Death Note and Attack on Titan fame - see Animation Night 101.

At the time of God Eeater’s collapse, Araki and Wit Studio were struggling under the weight of the Titans that had put them on the map, and Araki no doubt sympathised with his old friend; kVin writes...

The two of them had coincided in the early stages of their career at Madhouse, quickly becoming good friends and as tight of a collaborator as they could be while growing to be busy figures at different studios. Araki, who according to his friend had also been thrust into a position of reconsidering his responsibilities as a project leader and the effect his demanding vision may have on the staff, allowed Hirao to rebuild his confidence by storyboarding climactic episodes across the second and third seasons of Attack on Titan.

Araki for his part has also recently directed a summer movie, titled Bubble, which dropped on Netflix pretty recently! I do not have nearly as much information on this film’s creation, but the film depicts a post-apocalypse brought about by mysterious reality-rewriting bubbles, and the teens who do parkour in the ruins. It follows an exceptional traceur named Hibiki, isolated due to his audio sensitivity, and the mystery of a Tokyo Tower inaccessible due to gravity anomalies.

Which of course sounds like the setting for some spectacular animation - and while the star Arifumi Imai may have departed (or at least, is not credited on this film), Wit is definitely used to animating wild camera moves and elaborate parkour. In contrast to Araki’s other works, this film also has a refreshingly bright colour palette, full of brilliant reds and blues and clean whites - at points almost looking like a Mirror’s Edge anime.

So if these movies sound fun, please come join me at twitch.tv/canmom ! Going live now and starting movies in about 20-30 minutes~

[the-awful-falafel]

Oh gosh yeah, there was a really unpleasant vile reset of Morty’s character which felt slimy to see because of how much Morty was developing as his own person and how it was setting up for a split from Rick but then they had to make it rick and morty 100 years I guess. It felt extremely uncomfortable for Morty to feel so dependent and that he needed rick to survive despite how much he had clearly grown. It makes all character development null which I feel is weak writing

"Slimy" is a good way of putting it. Like, we spent literally the whole series up to this point showing how Morty's growing a spine, no longer putting up with Rick's abuse, and trying to be his own person in a way Rick actively punished him for, and this was their best idea of resolving a series-long conflict?

The moment Rick leaves with the two crows along with a vague "what we had was toxic and unhealthy" (which is such an understatement and shouldn't even have been Rick's line to deliver), not only does Rick completely dodge any consequences for his treatment of Morty, Morty has a complete codependency-fueled breakdown and practically crawls after Rick in a way that allows Rick to put in zero work to earn his grandson's forgiveness once he returns, in a way that was so utterly, painfully regressive and clearly the writers just backpedaling the entire conflict to keep to the status quo. (And with the revelation/handwavey justification that Mortys are engineered to be like this, the fact the show still tries to frame this as heartwarming and a fresh start between the two of them becomes utterly horrifying.)

Yeah, sure, I can buy that Morty is a forgiving kid by nature. I can even buy that Ricks (not our Rick, but most Ricks) specifically clone/engineer Mortys to be like that, because it's an easier personality type for them to exploit and makes a horrific amount of sense considering what we've seen of the Citadel so far. But the existence of Mortys like Evil Morty shows that that trait is not some unshakeable instinct that they're doomed to regress to, nor an easy reset button that can be hit at any time-- it's a personality trait that can be worn down over time through character growth and sheer jadedness, which is what seemed to be happening to our Morty during the past several seasons. He was becoming confident, more distant from Rick, more resentful of the shit he puts up with from everyone around him, even as he was still trapped within the cycle of abuse and still acquiescent enough to enjoy Rick's company. Most of the time he came off as bottling up his trauma rather than being forgiving, to be honest. He's definitely tried being forgiving and empathetic towards Rick before, and Rick, rather than be redeemed through it, nearly always manipulated and took advantage that quality to punish Morty or get a free pass for his shitty behavior.

So while I could buy our Morty being saddened by Rick leaving, even missing him to some degree because of how abuse can leave you with complex feelings, especially if you had many "good times" with your abuser... the fact he completely fell apart and started chasing after Rick, as well as immediately forgiving him for everything once he saw his tragic backstory, felt so disturbing and inconsistent based on what we've seen of Morty so far. It basically made their entire fallout with each other, as well as Morty's development throughout the series (to not see Rick as a hero, to see past Rick's excuses for his behavior, to prioritize his family's well-being over Rick's, to resist Rick's controlling clingy bullshit, to not need Rick to find happiness and to in fact find relief in his absence) completely and utterly pointless. Like, what's even the message here? What was the purpose of any of it?

It's very weak and shitty writing to render such a large chunk of a protagonist's characterization null and void, and just feels like they didn't want to confront the sheer extent of what Rick has done to Morty in favor of making ~trust~ and ~forgiveness~ the answer, even though that was barely the tip of the iceberg as to what was wrong with their relationship. Our Rick being slightly nicer to Morty is him passing a very low bar and getting praised for it as far as I'm concerned, since it really seems like they slipped straight back into their old dynamic otherwise, just in a "honeymoon phase" for lack of a better word. Like, it's not like Rick caring about Morty has stopped him from abusing him before. Morty was so happy that Rick was back that he couldn't even get himself to set proper boundaries like Beth tried to get him to do, for fuck's sake (and yes, I know the joke is that it was a side effect of the aging serum, but it was treated way too casually for comfort). This romanticized and exaggerated codependence, the character regression of Morty to avoid addressing what Rick has actually done to him, and the harmful "abused child fixing/healing their abuser through selfless love/forgiveness" narrative, even after they established that Morty forgiving Rick can't even be trusted to be of his own free will and is exactly what Ricks want, is just... really, really disgusting to me.

[regrettablewritings]

Same anon here, a lengthy dissection is exactly why I came to you tbh! And you delivered, as always <333 What you said about not starting with a character already in his final stage makes perfect sense, still the idea of changing the character that much doesn't sit right with me. (Part 1/4)

Since the series has been announced years ago I always thought we were going to see a Cassian that was voted to the rebellion but kinda "fresh faced", less jaded (the series is set five years before Rogue One, he's 21 in here, so it makes sense to me that even tho he has been "in the fight" since he was a kid, being recruited by the Rebellion is a big change and he might be kinda lost and new to the rules of the Big Game they are playing) and we would be shown how he descended into the stiff and aloof spy we know through story points, or we could have gotten a series that wasn't character focused but more story driven were Cassian was more or less the same we see in the movie. "Self-serving nihilist into a selfless martyr" is Jyn, Cassian was supposed to represent a different aspect of the war and the Rebellion.

I'll probably watch it regardless but this whole thing really curbed my enthusiasm. :/ Thank you for "listening" and hosting these thoughts of mine on your blog, I hope you have a nice day! 💖💖💖

(Sorry I'm just now getting to this, I've had a very busy and exhausting week or two 🙃🙃🙃)

In all fairness, I don't think they entirely expected Cassian to be the a breakout character when they first penned him. (Though that would arguably be odd, considering that nowadays, companies put a lot of pressure on film productions to make any and every person or thing franchisable. I would LIKE to believe that when Cassian was first created, they just wanted to make a man made cynical after years of chasing hope and no longer in the fight necessarily because he believes in it, but because he's already invested so much time into it that he sorta HAS to see it to the end. But that's just me.)

I do think, though, that he can start of cynical and still progress. It's hard for me to explain, at least through writing, but try and stick with me here:

Cassian is meant to be human. Meaning he can fluctuate at any given moment, so long as it aligns with who he is as a person and who he can potentially be as a person.

He starts of a child who is taught to be distrusting, either through the people around him or by his own experiences. However, because he is a child, he can still have hope because, well, children are often humanity's purest source of it even after being colored by jadedness. He sees himself as a Rebel, regardless of how indoctrinated he may be because he's been brought up to believe that every thing counts -- including throwing rocks at Imperials.

He's a rather rigid child, as anyone experiencing a forced exodus would be. But he's still a child who has wants and needs like comfort and the chance to play safely.

But as he grows up, the hope starts to dwindle. He comes less certain: This thing has been going on for his entire life and yet no real signs of progress have happened, at least not on the side he's in support of. But he sort of has to keep trying because it's all he has.

But then he gets deep into his teenage years. And teens, by nature, are kinda just . . . moody. Apathetic. And what's not going to help is realizing your entire life has been overshadowed by war, and that you've spent the entire time being pressured into fighting in it. You never really had a childhood and given the trajectory of things, you can't exactly see yourself as having an adulthood, either.

But he's already devoted his entire life to it so he's sorta going through the motions. He rises up the ranks, catches the attention of the actual Rebellion. There's no point in saying no, so he carries on.

But something has to happen that makes him genuinely want to hope again. Something strong enough to make him want to believe in the cause again, but fragile enough to have been worn down some by the time Rogue One starts to take shape. Kinda like how when you're depressed, you have a break where you want to still continue going, even though that feeling may wear off after a bit.

He's still Cassian. He's still changed, yet stayed the same. He can still be hopeless while fighting for a hope he doesn't actually believe in. There's a reason I stress "investment" in my writings about him: It's because it doesn't matter how much he feels for it, he's already in the fight. He's given this war everything, from his time to his thoughts to his blood and so on. He sorta doesn't have much of a choice but to go all in, even if he doesn't necessarily want to. He just sorta HAS to because that's what's expected of him and it's what's been drilled into him.

He's the side of war where people put in the time not necessarily because they WANT to but because they HAVE to. They go through the motions because even if you're fighting for "good", you still have to do dirty things and put your own personal wants aside.

And given that Cassian's been doing this a lot longer than Jyn, he could easily claim that he has more skin in the game than her, regardless as to whether or not he took a break or tried to distance himself from it at one point.

. . .

Buuuut that's just me. I could be very wrong. Like I said, I'm still gonna watch it to see what they decided to go with, but I'm frankly mostly just hesitant on the grounds that they handled TBOBF so poorly. I'd be glad if they gave Andor the respect they give The Mandalorian, but I'd admittedly also be a wee bit skeptical of their reasons as to why. Suffice to say, there's no real way Disney can win this unless they give TBOBF a second season and actually make a damn effort. That's on them.

Anywho, I feel I've rambled long enough. All we can do now is wait until August and see what happens . . .

[daydreamreality]

Thinking about actor availability, and how that affects my perception of Jess and how strongly I feel about shipping Literati.

Really thought this would only be a few paragraphs going over the points where Jess could have disappeared never to be seen again, but it turned into a freaking essay so LONG POST warning if you decide to click ahead. 

If the last we saw of Jess was hanging up the phone in the season 3 finale: "Well, it was fun ride while it lasted. That's about how I thought this would end." Still have a lot empathy for this kid and wish him well, but you screwed with Rory's heart like I knew would happen. Was that intentional? No. But he was so immature, out of control with his emotions, zero communication skills, not trusting in others...the list of reasons why he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, even if the feelings were serious, goes on. There was no way Rory wasn't going to end up as collateral damage in his personal breakdown that I could feel was going to happen. And this is the thought I had as a teenager with no dating experience watching this show for the first time. Did I want to date him? Hell no! I could see that trainwreck from a mile away. Rory was naïve to put her heart in his trust but that's part of her good qualities - she's sees the best in people and champions for them. I could go on a tangent about why exactly Jess was such an important character to me when I first watched the show (and probably why he stuck around unconsciously until I decided on a whim to rewatch GG in lockdown) but...I don't know, maybe some other time.

In the context of the entire show, I would look back at the relationship as my favorite one to watch of Rory's in the series (The build-up! The connection! Their deep belief in and respect for each other! The angst!) and Jess being a really fun character to root for (and yell at) but endgame? It was a short lived but important relationship. It’s fun to think about what ifs and how circumstances could have changed to make it work, but we can move on.

The ill-fated spin-off: I have no idea what this show would have been about except focusing on Jess and Jimmy and I’m not about to theorize. I still like Jess at this point so it would probably make me like him more since we’re getting a deeper dive into his character, but in regard to shipping him with Rory, this opinion would not change unless he all of sudden showed some great maturity. But I doubt this show would have even gotten a whole season so that probably wouldn’t happen. And then he’s living in California…this is too much, moving on.

If the last we see of Jess is in season 4: About the same feeling as above. Life, as expected, has not been treating Jess well. At all. His jadedness and hostility is at an all-time high when he shows up to get his car. Do I see the reasons informing his behavior and have empathy (once again, for a KID)? Yes, but he's also being a jerk. "The years don't seem to have hardened you." Well this year sure has!

I love the "I love you" scene but too little too late, buddy. That's probably why I love it, it's all a bit hopeless. Just keep shoveling the angst at me. I do like fics where this scene is reimagined with Rory running after him to give him a piece of her mind or Jess finding some other words to say (I really feel like he had more to say there but got overwhelmed), and coming to a tentative reconciliation: exchanging numbers, "don't fall off the face of the earth," but getting back together? No. You hurt her and you're feeling the consequences. Rory is not obligated or responsible to reciprocate those feelings, nor is she in a place to do that right now. 

But season 4 does cement that Luke and Jess's relationship is one of my favorites in the entire show. There's probably a whole other post in me regarding that so I'll keep it brief. Because of his respect for Luke, Jess makes tentative steps towards maturing in interpersonal relationships. He shows some vulnerability and honesty with a veil of sarcasm and awkwardness because, well, it's JESS.

But then of course this all goes to hell when applied to Rory. Sometimes I like to think how this dorm scene would have gone down if Rory stepped back for a second and went, "Hold on. You're not making any sense, chill out," and they could have talked a bit and had a similar reconciliation like I said above because I really think that’s all he was going for - to talk to her, apologize, and make an attempt at reciprocation like he did with Luke. But getting back together here? Canonically, he hasn't made enough progress. He set aside his personal feelings to be in his mother's wedding and used the knowledge from the self-help book to apologize to Luke, but I don't think the book's message has sunk in all the way yet and he’s still got a massive chip on his shoulder preventing him from making a good life for himself. Getting rejected by Rory here is an important moment and I really like it. It's fun to think about the AU if Rory had said yes (hello road trip!), but it's very in-character for her to not be able to handle Jess's crisis and just shouting "NO, make it stop." This is one of my proudest of Rory moments: Protect your heart girl, he ain't ready. The seeds have been planted that Jess will continue to grow and I wish him well on his journey. Endgame material? Nah. Goodbye forever, take care my friend...

Even though this scene doesn't feel like closure at all, I really thought this was the end of Jess Mariano. So imagine my surprise when -

SEASON 6: HE'S BACK. Coming out of the shadows, [literally] it's Jess Marianoooo *air horns* *confetti* *jazz hands* *Jess rolls his eyes at the fanfare*

Alright, that's out of my system. But for real that's what my mind did at this point. For context, the way I watched this show for the first time was getting the DVDs from the library while a couple of seasons were still on the air; when a new season was available to borrow, I would rewatch all the seasons up to the current point so my memories and favorite parts of the show are seasons 1-4. Because I was not bingeing the show all the way through, seeing Jess here seemingly so different didn’t feel out of place. A shock, yes! A happy surprise. But nothing about him seemed OOC. A year had gone by, we’d seen some signs of maturity in him, and getting rejected by Rory was a big kick in the ass for him to start making bigger changes in his life. I really cannot emphasize how satisfying and sensical his positive character development felt to me. 

The slight maturity we see in season 4 in its full potential. Jess is still Jess: guarded, self-deprecating, and a bit prickly but he shows a sense of calm and feeling more comfortable in his skin. This is really satisfying to see as someone who always "knew" there was a kind and capable heart underneath the exterior just like Rory did, and that tough guy, must protect myself at all costs posturing has melted away. But that side of him isn't gone, it's not like the writing did a complete 180 on his character. I love this. He's just...more at peace with himself but he's not a different person, and he's found something to direct his focus and intellect on. He's made his peace with Luke, and now he has something of worth to show Rory to try to mend that hurt as well.

Yes, it would have been nice to see how and why he decided to write a book and work in publishing but this course of events is not out of left field, nor is Jess enough of a main character at this point for scenes like this to be necessary to the show unless they were tied to Luke and showing another side of him. Jess has shown in the past that he has a good work ethic if he feels it is worth it. The problem wasn't him being lazy, just poor decision making and focusing on RIGHT NOW, "I need to get out of Stars Hollow and live my life," and not considering the consequences of his actions. Which as an immature kid whose life had told him he can only depend on himself...not out of the ordinary. The dude’s life passion is literature and has probably read every book he can get his hands on, it’s not crazy that he had his own story in him. 

Here is where Literati becomes endgame material for me. Prior to the revival it was always my feeling that post-series they would reconnect while Rory was on the campaign or afterwards. It would be low drama (except for Lorelai criticism), slowly gaining trust in each other again, and eventually starting a committed relationship within a year or two of being friends with sexual tension (lol). They made their adolescent mistakes, hurt each other, but learned from it and started over on infinitely better footing.

The match just makes sense to me at this point for many reasons; I don't feel like I need to list them all out because you can go to any pro-Literati post and I'll probably agree with the majority of the points. The biggest issue they had was timing: “Right heart, wrong time.” I like especially how they even out each other's more extreme personality traits. For example, Rory learning from Jess to consider her own feelings instead of sacrificing herself for others, and Jess considering others before himself all the time. Or professionally, I can see Jess encouraging her to step away from her ultra-organized, “everything has to be just so” ways when it benefits her to seize an opportunity right now, don’t worry about the details, you got this. Maybe Jess has another book in him, but his self-deprecation and disorganization prevent him from getting it done but Rory helps him be more objective and focused. There’s this…synergistic energy I feel with the two of them: they’re great by themselves, but form something better together.

Judging from Rory's reactions towards him in this season, I don't think it's OOC for her to have romantic feelings for him again. She's extremely proud of his accomplishments and not unhappy to see him (not holding a grudge). They fall back into their comfortable dynamic even if it makes them both a bit nervous. Now some could argue that this means that Rory only wants to be friends with him but...when have Jess and Rory ever been just friends? If "Another Year in the Life" comes out (I've got serious doubts but would love to be proved wrong) and Rory rejects him or he's not even a part of it, fine! But I just don't see anything in canon that says explicitly she'll never feel romantic towards him again.

Now the kiss...there's a lot of ways to read that scene. Do I think Jess was in the right to assume "everything is fixed" as a go ahead? No. But that's part of why he is such an engaging character: he's impulsive and acts in accordance to his feelings, and yes, this gets himself and others in trouble. 

Do I think Rory purposefully went to the open house to "use" Jess to get back at Logan? No. I think she genuinely wanted to support him, and Logan being out of town meant she wouldn't have to explain why it was important for her to go. I see the kiss paralleling the one in 2x22 but instead of Rory not being able to hold her feelings in any longer, Jess initiates. The way I see it is she was unaware she still had lingering feelings towards him (not out of nowhere, I mean their relationship has "unfinished business" written all over it) and that scared the crap out of her, just like at the end of season 2. So she runs away to the "safe space" that is being with Logan. Because she's in love with Logan, she has a sense of obligation towards him, and Rory has shown many times that she does not react well to change and highly emotional situations.

Is this scene a deal breaker for a future relationship between them? I don't think so. Jess says that he isn't sorry she came, which I take as "I'll never be sorry to see you no matter the context." Yes, this hurt him and made him pretty mad, but I don't think he's holding a grudge against her for this; even in the moment he's more concerned that someone cheated on her and her safety getting to her car. He sets a boundary that he doesn't deserve his feelings to be pushed around like this and Rory agrees. Not that I condone this sort of tit-for-tat hurting of each other (which I don't think Rory was going for in the first place) but it's almost like...that cycle is now broken. The whole scene is so open ended, it doesn't feel like a "good bye forever" to Jess.

"But Rory is so in love with Logan!" I don't know about you, but that "I'm in love with him despite all the bad he's done..." sounds so defeated and sad. It's almost like she's resigned herself to being in love with Logan. The first time I watched this, I thought this was foreshadowing that the relationship was on its last legs. To keep them together, Logan almost dies so Rory will bury her hurt out of guilt for holding a grudge against him. She is completely entitled to feeling hurt by Logan's actions, and I hate that she feels like she has to do this. But it happened, moving on.

"But Rory is a cheater!" When I think about Rory's characteristics, "cheater" doesn't make the list. She feels entitled to the men that she's loved and this isn’t super great behavior, but I don't view her as inherently unfaithful or okay with cheating. I give her leeway on the season 2 Jess kiss because she was a teenager with a lot of conflicting emotions and everything around her was pushing her to stay with Dean. The season 4 Dean debacle...she was still very young and naïve. I put most of the blame on Dean for manipulating her; I say most because if Rory really wanted to be with him, she should have been more sure of the status of his marriage, but I repeat: he manipulated her and she was very young and naïve. I dare to say she has been conditioned to view Dean as nothing but safe and trustworthy so why wouldn't she believe him... Season 4 was all about her being out of sorts when away from the Stars Hollow bubble and trying to reclaim some normalcy. Narratively, I see why this makes sense and I don't think the intention was to say “Rory is okay with cheating,” but to show very explicitly that Rory isn't perfect. This show goes to extremes, at this point I kind of just accept it and don't jump to "this person/character is terrible!" Certain characteristics and behaviors I have less patience for (mild) or will make me lose all respect for a character (extreme - honestly very few GG characters fall into this category for me); you may feel differently and that's fine. When other plot points in this series are much more bizarre and OOC, while this turn of events makes me uncomfortable and angry, at least it makes sense to me.

The 6x18 kiss I've already said that I don't think Rory had premeditated intent to cheat on Logan judging from the fact that Jess initiated it; yes, she went with it nor was it a complete surprise, I get this. The "I couldn't even cheat on him..." line I think is an outburst of guilt and regret, not her saying she had a plan in mind. Maybe I'm being too soft on her, I don't know...she did stay there late but maybe she just got lost in the book while waiting to say bye. We've seen her not know how to deal with conflicting emotions and change to her status quo, and attempt to distract herself when life isn't panning out the way she wants and not think about the consequences in the moment, so I don't find this scene OOC or intentionally cruel. The revival...I don’t think I can even go there right now because it would just be me screaming incoherently about how much I hate "full circle" and how bizarre the entire thing was. Maybe something of value would eventually come out with a lot of editing. XD

This isn’t to say I’m 100% on Rory’s side all the time. Pretty much every character in this show has at some point made me smile, made me laugh (generally with them, but some characters it’s more like at), made me want to give them a hug, made me roll my eyes, and made me want to throw something at them. That’s why I love it so much! Even if the drama is turned up to 1000, I still get the sense that these characters are human. My favs end up on my “will protect at all costs” and “shit” lists throughout the series, no one is immune. Except Lane. She really is the best person in this entire show. #JusticeForLaneKim

If ASP had written season 7: (Remember there being some sort of theme to this post? Only two episodes in s6, but Jess sure does make an impact.) I bet Jess would show up at some point. MV is loyal to the creators and not the show, if it was important for Jess to be there I’m sure his shooting schedule would have been accounted for. Storyline would have been similar to the revival because AYITL is ASPs season she didn’t get to do without considering how time passing affects the characters (I’M STILL SALTY) except Rory is at Yale and I think the book was a new idea. Shipping as endgame doesn’t change, and I bet there wouldn’t be a nice little Literati ending because we’ve got to end it the same way, right? I don't even need them to be together at the end because Rory has greater plans to focus on, but just a moment! One moment is all I asked for... I don’t know if this makes me mad because I felt like the narrative had been pushing us along this path for so long even if actual "endgame" was going to be offscreen or if I kind of like just having it in my imagination. Little bit of column A, little bit of column B. In any case, it could have been cool to see Jess present for the birth of his half-sister and giving Luke some support. 

Like I said, I'm not touching AYITL right now. The whole starting point of this was, "huh, if MV never came back to the show, how would I feel about Jess and Literati?" And he was in it so it doesn't really fit into this even though we've gone on a meandering journey as pieces of discourse that have never sat right with me but didn't quite know how to express that disagreement until now popped in my mind. So there you go. If you’ve made it to end, claps to you, what a champ.

At the end of the day, Literati is the ship that makes me feel the most things, it's kind of just a gut thing. This really isn't any sort of argument just an outpouring of love for the show and these characters. I don't know how well that's communicated, but hey, I try. I’ve got a lot of nostalgia for the pairing and I always viewed Jess as being Rory’s, and only Rory’s, choice.