#so many options for how to fix it that i thought i'd just have to set it aside as another story that needs more percolating time

[bookshelf-in-progress]

Things I have learned today:

Evernote is useful for letting me put multiple versions of drafts and scenes and outlines all in one place, so I can try things out without making a jumbled mess of documents. This is very helpful in the early draft phase when I'm second-guessing everything and want to change things without destroying old versions.

I shouldn't second-guess myself so much. It's good to follow my instincts and let things develop naturally, instead of trying to make everything fit into a certain mold right away.

This especially applies to characters. So what if you don't know your MC? So what if she seems like all your other heroines? Just let her go through the story and then figure out who she is. If you step back for a second and stop being judgemental, you can work with the good in the initial idea instead of muddling everything up by trying to get rid of the bad.

[letsquestjess]

Never Thought I'd Love Like This (Fox x GN!Reader)

Summary: When the data systems go down at the Coruscant Detention Centre, you are sent to collect the datapad records until the problem is fixed. While you are there, you catch the eye of Commander Fox.

Word count: 3.3K

Warnings: None.

The grunt teeming at the back of Fox’s throat formed an irritated grumble. He jabbed at the monitor, cursing the infernal device as the same error message replaced the loading icon. He didn’t know why he thought another attempt would offer different results after hours of trying to send their morning reports. All he wanted was to submit the latest prisoner details to the network and get on with his day. Yet, that confounded crimson triangle halted every effort. 

“Have you tried resetting the system?” Thorn asked, setting a steaming cup of caf on the desk beside him. 

“Three times already,” Fox replied. “Kriffing reports just won’t send.” 

“Nothing is going through,” Stone confirmed from the screens over the opposite side of the office, four displays returning the same failure code and a fifth buffering before it, too, responded in kind. “Could be a signal issue.”

That was the last thing Fox needed. More problems to clear up. Many assumed the Coruscant Guard had a straightforward job; corral criminals, a bit of correspondence and form-filling, and a cup of caf to top it off. But the core world of the galaxy relished trouble, throwing curveballs on a daily basis to keep them sharp. He would happily do without the added disquiet, especially with seven more arrests called in overnight and holding cells running out, but their line of work afforded them no such luck. 

“Last time that happened, it only lasted an hour,” Thorn pointed out. “This has been going on all morning.” 

The side entrance unsealed in a gasp and shut again once it had admitted Thire, a wearied slump in his posture. “Okay, I have good news and bad news.” 

“Good news first,” Thorn pleaded. 

“Headquarters assured me the problem can be resolved.”

“And the bad news,” Fox pressed, removing his helmet and ruffling out his curls.

“It’s going to take a while to fix,” Thire replied. 

“How long?” 

“They’re not sure.”

“Was the system hacked?” Stone asked. 

“The engineers don’t know. They haven’t been able to find anything definitive yet,” Thire said. “Only thing they could tell me was that we are in this for the long haul, but they are sending representatives to each precinct a few times a week to collect datapads with the records and reports on them.”

Already depleted from a restless night and any chance of a quiet day quickly vanishing, Fox planted his face in his gloved hands. The rough fabric pressed into his forehead and the fans on the side of the data transfer system blew hot air onto his cheeks. 

“Could be worse,” Stone offered. “At least we don’t have to write them out and deliver them ourselves.” 

Fox rose from his slouch and frowned at his brother in arms, daring him to make another unhelpful comment. “Very practical, Stone. Thank you.” 

“Anything to cheer you up, commander,” Stone replied. He snatched a free datapad from the holder on the wall and collapsed into a swinging chair. 

“Our designated representative will be here this afternoon,” Thire said, handing the rest of the datapads out, “so we better get to work if we want everything correlated by the time they arrive.” 

* * *

A yawning shadow clung to the corridor that admitted you into the detention centre, the tube lights from the office directing a feeble wedge onto the floor and the obnoxious buzz of the laser-blocked entryway beside it casting an ominous red glow. You coasted into the silence and peeked into the window, trying the button on the frame when you found the place deserted. Your call went unanswered. 

Ruminating on what to do, you took a seat on the uncomfortable benches bolted into the wall facing the office. Nothing you could do without those datapads, and if the clones on duty were busy, the only option left was to wait. 

As the minutes floated by inside the cold quiet, you pondered the possibility you’d arrived at the wrong precinct. Your job never usually required you to visit this part of Coruscant, and deciding to double check, you rose to your feet to call your boss. Half-way through dialling in the communication number, a red and white armoured clone entered the office and granted you a cursory glance. 

“I was starting to worry I’d got the wrong place,” you admitted with an apprehensive chortle. The expressionless helmet stared, and you dropped the humorous approach. 

“Crime report forms are on the side,” he told you, waving vaguely in the direction of the paper pile on the corner of the counter. “Put it in the box by the door once you’re done, and we’ll contact you when we can.” 

“Oh, I’m not here for that. I’ve come to collect the datapads.” You wrested your identification from your pocket for him to verify. After a skim of the details, the lasers deactivated long enough for him to deposit the loaded crate just outside. You noted the symbol of the Coruscant Guard on his shoulder pauldron as he lifted himself back up. “Thanks. Have the requisition forms been completed too?” 

“Everything you asked for is there.” 

“Perfect.” A stable grip on the box, you hoisted the cargo up onto the counter and logged the pickup on your own datapad. With such sensitive information in your care, your superiors emphasised the importance of documenting where the records were at all times.

The clone guard returned to the office while you noted your location. By the time you finished, a second had joined him and stood expectantly by the window.  

“Take it you’re our representative,” he said. 

“That’s me,” you replied, introducing yourself with a pleasant smile and a friendly disposition. 

“I’m Thire. That’s Fox.” Thire jabbed a finger at the clone who’d greeted you. “Don’t worry about him. He hasn’t had his third caf yet, so he’s still grouchy.” 

Fox’s face remained obscured, but the tilt of the helmet conveyed the unimpressed scowl that undoubtedly lay beneath it.

“Nice to meet you both,” you said. “Do you need me to pass on any messages?” 

“If the engineers could hurry up fixing the problem, that would be great,” Thire answered. 

“I don’t think there’s going to be a quick turnaround on that, I’m afraid,” you told him. “Last I heard, two dozen server units were completely fried. It’s affecting droids too, so they’re prioritising getting their programming back up and running before the data systems.”

“What?” Fox demanded, abandoning the far monitor and storming to the window. He advanced so quickly and unexpectedly you intuitively retreated a step, and he reminded himself this was not your fault. “How long will we be waiting?” 

You shrugged, wishing you had a conclusive answer for him. “A few weeks, minimum, by my guess. Depends how bad it is and if they find anything else in the meantime.” 

Fox’s chest plate rose and fell in slow motions. 

“I’ll be back in a couple of days,” you told them. From the top pocket of your jacket, you withdrew a contact card and passed it under the small gap in the window. Thire took it from the collection hollow. “I’m your personal intermediary with HQ, so call me if you need anything.” 

“Thanks,” Thire said as you hauled the crate of datapads onto your hip and departed from the detention centre with a modest wave. He turned to Fox and threw the contact card in his direction, the disgruntled commander catching it without even looking and flinging it on the desk with the discarded paper notes. “I’ll get some caf on. It’s going to be a long few weeks.” 

In line with your duty, you arrived at the allotted time to collect the reports and ferry them to bleary-eyed administration assistants. Debates on the source of the shut down rapidly became incensed arguments at headquarters, the engineers at each other’s throats as they bickered over cause and solution. The people you had chatted with in passing or wished well on a birthday snapped at you and sent you on your way with a dismissive wave. 

Due to the volatile air of the main hub, you dawdled at the detention centre during pick up. If your colleagues were only going to snap at you for doing your job, why would you not want to stick around the clone troopers making you laugh and telling stories about each other? 

With each visit, they vied to impress you with tales and jokes, not that they needed to. You appreciated spending time with people who treated you as an equal. Regardless of the circumstances of birth or creation, the Coruscant Guard considered you one of their own. You were all on the same malfunctioning ship, and to them, you were another pair of hands stopping it from crashing. 

You sank into the familiarity, soon offering your own stories. Tales of an undesirable date from years ago turned into the entire office vowing to locate the unfortunate soul who’d upset you and tidbits of gossip swiftly became points of discussion. 

Over a month into your regular visits, you nudged the code into the panel with your elbow to deactivate the lasers and shuffled through before they revived into an electric buzz. Welcomed into the office, a fresh stack of records anticipated your arrival.  

You made your usual greetings to the clones within and parked the larger box on the ground, situating the smaller, wrapped carton onto the side. You set about slotting the datapads into the designated ports in the crate, mindful not to disturb the protective packaging. 

“What’s that?” Stone asked, motioning to the extra package you’d brought. 

“A gift for you all.”

“What kind of gift?” 

“Careful,” you warned as he reached for the twine keeping the decorated wrapping together. “It’s hot.” 

He acknowledged your warning and plucked at the string, folding away the paper. Steam rose from the thin cardboard parcel underneath and the robust scent lured in the other troopers. 

“Is that caf?” Thire asked, lifting his helmet and leaning over Stone’s shoulder to assess the contents of the box. 

“Sure is,” you confirmed, securing the loaded crate. “You mentioned your caf machine had broken, so I got you all some on the way here. There should be some pastries in there too. I hope they didn’t get squashed.” 

“Don’t care,” Stone said with a flaky treat already in his mouth and a cardboard cup in his hand. “Still tastes the same.” 

While the others indulged in a fresh caffeine wave and some sweet desserts, thanking you with a mouthful and a grin, Fox hovered by the selection of cream-filled pastries topped with melted chocolate and bright fruit. 

“I’d grab one of those if I were you,” you told him. “Otherwise, Stone might steal them all.” The clone in question wiped a blob of jam from his nose and, with a shrug, ate it from his glove, not one to waste food. 

Fox stared at the confectionery. “Why did you do this?”

“Does there need to be a reason to do something kind?” you countered. 

Your conversations up until that point had been limited, constrained to a few witty remarks to test each other’s mettle in the verbal sparring ground. A growing occurrence he silently relished. 

As he sought a reply, a quip of some sort to fire back, he discerned the temperate lilt of your voice, the lift of your cheeks as you smiled at him, and praised his lucky stars he had his helmet on. 

“Thank you,” he said, no snark or usual sarcasm. He grabbed the remaining cup of caf and beelined for the monitors before you could respond. 

Your wrist comm beeped and with a hasty goodbye, you grabbed the crate and made yourself scarce. Last thing you needed was a late drop-off and more scorn aimed your way. 

“You’ll have to remove your helmet to drink that,” Thire said to Fox as they waved you past the window and out into the Coruscanti chill. 

“I know,” Fox replied. “I’m waiting for it to cool down.” 

“Do you not want to because you’re embarrassed?” Thire teased. He bit into a cream pastry with a jibing grin. 

“No.”

“I can practically feel the embarrassment from here.”

“Shut up.” 

“Anybody would think you had a cru-“

“Not another word.” 

At the slice in Fox’s tone, Thire surrendered with raised palms. “Just saying. There’s little room for actual joy in our jobs, and if you’re happy, why not say something?”

“For that exact reason,” Fox shot back. No point denying anything now, not when he stupidly made his predicament so evident. The others probably knew. Kriff, did you know? He hoped not. “We are clones. There is no space in our lives for that kind of stuff.” 

Grumbling and wishing only to avoid the matter, Fox took off into the tangle of corridors behind the office. 

Thire regretted pushing. He wanted his brothers to be happy in whatever capacity it presented itself. But some drank from the Kaminoan fountain far too often and ingrained the belief that they were not permitted an existence outside of the Grand Army into every second of their lives. Others dared not dream of that kind of life, deeming it beyond their reach, many desperate not to tempt fate. 

Either way, Thire was no fool. He saw how Fox behaved around you and how you naturally lingered close to each other. He only hoped one of you would take that brave step towards happiness before you parted for good. 

Weeks melted into months, a routine falling into place with the Coruscant guard. You spoke of sweet treats, and holo-dramas, and rumours from the senate, each visit ending in promises to find out more or watch a recommended show. 

During one particular pickup, Thire proudly presented you with a keycard of your own, declaring you an honorary member of the guard. You never disclosed how you returned home that night and cried tears of joy, wiping them away while catching up on the news and spooning ice cream into your mouth to abate the heat beginning to overtake the cold. 

Scanning your card, you trudged into the office and deposited the weighty box by the door. Vacant chairs and the meagre clack of the air conditioning greeted you. At the inactive monitors, Fox mulled over his datapad. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, helmet abandoned by the printer and his dark strands dripping in front of his face. “It’s taking a while to complete this report.”

“No rush,” you assured him as you poured yourself a cup of cooled caf from the newly-acquired machine and drained half. “Could do with a rest. Management have had me all over the city this morning. Jaya called in sick and I’ve been covering her shift, and Daro has handed in his notice.” 

“I thought he was up for a huge promotion?” Fox replied. 

“So did I, but as soon as it was announced and he wasn’t on the list, he flung his resignation on the boss’s desk and stormed out. But there is some good news.” 

“Oh?” 

“The data system should be up and running by the end of the week, so this is my last visit.” 

The datapad in Fox’s gloved grasp slipped a few inches, and the concentration nesting in his brow tightened. With a rough clearing of his throat, he straightened from his seat and set about transferring the other datapads into the empty crate. 

Fox completed his task in reflective silence, evading your curiosity. You edged nearer and his movements slackened. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve grown attached to me,” you teased, deterring the grin as his throat bobbed involuntarily. 

With each repeated visit and every lengthier conversation, he eased into your company. In those hushed moments when the office was only occupied by you and him, you had both made admissions you never thought you would, speaking in confidence and reciprocal trust. 

“Course not,” the clone trooper replied, sealing the box with a weighty click. 

You pretended to go along with his guarded response and leaned against the side desk. “Have you got the requisition requests?”

“Yeah.” Fox reached over your shoulder to pluck the short list from the paper holder behind your head. “It’s just…” Realising his proximity to you, he paused. His amber regard lowered, meeting your own soft surprise. “Here.” 

His body stilled. He smelled the caf on you, the faint aroma of springtime surviving on your clothing, and the apple scented soap you used that morning. Your eyes invited him in, the slim parting of your lips drawing him closer. His train of thought bashed through the wall at the other end and kept going, abandoning him completely. 

You neither moved nor distanced yourself, locked onto him, powerless to look away. You tried, but that unarmed, tender expression that smoothed out the years of stress on his features held you captivated. 

Unsteady on your feet, you urged a hand to his chest armour. “I’ll miss coming here,” you admitted into the muted air between you both. 

“You can always call on us,” Fox replied, just as quietly. 

“Only prisoners or authorised visitors are allowed in the detention centre,” you reminded him. 

Head bowed, he acknowledged you were right. 

With a whispered touch, you coiled one of his deep curls around your finger with a smile so serene that Fox craved a taste. Intuition assuming control and aware of the fact he was breaking at least a dozen rules, he captured your lips with his, delighting in the heady rush that surged through him. He cupped your cheeks as soon as you responded in kind, bundling you into his arms. There was every chance his brothers would return from their lunch at any moment, but he did not care. He wanted to hold on to this feeling for as long as he could. 

Your lips remained slightly parted as you reluctantly separated, eyelashes fluttering open and drinking in the affection in his eyes. “The detention centre isn’t all there is,” you said. “We could meet up, right? If you have time.” 

Time was one thing Fox had very little of, most of it spent working for the good of Coruscant and the remaining hours exhausted at the barracks, training, resting, eating. But for you, he would scrape every second afforded to him. “I’ll make time,” he promised. “As much of it as I can.” 

* * *

Fox’s brow creased as he finished up the latest prisoner list, double checking the names and numbers before he submitted them into the network. 

“Don’t know about you, but the logging system seems to be quicker than it used to be,” Stone commented from his own desk. 

“I’m certainly not complaining,” Thire replied. “Although I think Fox wishes it had remained broken for a bit longer.” He aimed an arched eyebrow at his brother and snorted at the responding glare. “Lighten up.”

“Leave him alone, Thire,” Stone ordered. 

“Oh, come off it. You were the one teasing him when we found out about the kiss, and he’s been moping for weeks.”

“Thire. I mean it.” 

Thire sighed and reclined in his seat, landing his crossed ankles onto the surface and reclaiming his datapad to skim the news. Through the transparent screen and the protective window, he detected a flicker of movement. “I’ll be right with you,” he said, focused on more interesting matters. 

“Funny, looks to me like you’re reading the news.” 

At the sound of your cheery voice, the three guards scrambled to their feet, knocking into each other to check their ears weren’t deceiving them. 

“Hey,” Fox greeted. “Have you…. come to report something?” 

You met Fox’s surprise with a glowing grin. As stoic as he liked to act, a caring man lay beneath all that. 

“Only that management have decided to put permanent representatives in certain locations around Coruscant,” you answered. “Obviously, there’s no need to be ferrying datapads anymore, but they found other matters during the systems outage that call for a much more hands-on approach, especially when it comes to data handling.” 

“Does that mean you’re working here now?” Fox asked, the grizzle he normally carried softening. 

You nodded, unable to contain your elation. “I’ve been promoted to Coruscant Detention Centre Representative, so it looks like you’ll be seeing a lot more of me.” 

TAGLIST (Message if you’d like to be added, 18+ only)

@skellymom @freesia-writes @the-hexfiles @theeyesofasoldier @multi-fan-dom-madness @savebytheodoresnonjosestuff @tech-aficionado @techsriduur @dangraccoon @starrylothcat @jediknightjana @mssbridgerton @trixie2023

[girlgenius1111]

all i do is try, try, try

alexia and r finally talk.

part 3!

"I can't- I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired, Alexia, I can't." You choked out. You suddenly looked so completely broken, all of the fight, the frustration nowhere to be found.

Alexia felt useless; everything in her was telling her to pull you into a hug, but she wasn't sure you wanted it, not from her. She turned, looking helplessly for Olga. Her girlfriend stood in the doorway, a small frown on her face. She nodded reassuringly at Alexia, as if to tell her to trust her instincts. Your sister turned back to you, hesitantly wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

You practically collapsed into her, wrapping your arms around her tightly, as if afraid she would disappear if you weakened your grip for even a second. Alexia could feel you trembling against her, and she held solidly to you, blinking hard at the tears that were gathering in her eyes. Your anguished sobs, the way you clung to her shirt, the way you gasped for air in between your cries, it was all killing her.

"Ale, I can't anymore, please just make it stop," You sobbed, and Alexia pressed a kiss into the top of your head.

"Hey, hey, cariño, it's okay, you're okay," Alexia murmured, trying to calm you down.

"No, I can't, I can't do it, Ale."

"I don't know what you mean. Talk to me, pequeña, please. Tell me, and I'll fix it." Alexia pleaded, wishing that anyone else was here with her. You didn't need her, you needed Alba, or your mom, but she was the only one around. The one who had made her so upset, and she didn't know if she could fix it.

"I can't, I can't," You repeated, and Alexia pulled away from the embrace, gripping your face in between her hands.

"Breathe, pequeña, please. Calm down for me, and we can then we can fix it. You just need to calm down." The blonde insisted, running her hand through your hair in what she hoped was a soothing manner.

For the second time in as many days, Alexia began trying to calm you down, hoping her words would work better this time. "You're safe with me, I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You don't need to worry about anything right now, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

Just when Alexia was going to call for Olga, tell her to get someone on the phone, you push away from her like you'd been burned, resting your head in your hands as you stutter through several deep breaths.

You couldn't go to Alexia for comfort, not now. You needed to fix this yourself. Your sister shouldn't have to be responsible for trying to put the broken pieces of you back together.

"Nena?" Alexia asked after a minute, resting her hand on your back.

"Just give me a second," you responded, shifting to avoid her touch. Alexia sighed, sitting back into the couch, her eyes never leaving you.

Once you'd gotten some control back over yourself, you sat back, your face melting into a mask of indifference. "Sorry, Ale. I'm sorry." You stated, before moving to grab your crutches and get off the couch, fleeing the conversation seeming like your only option at this point. Before you could, Alexia pulled on the back of your shirt, forcing you back down onto the couch.

"No, nena, no. We're going to talk about this, please. Talk to me. I'm begging you, I want to hear what you have to say."

You rub your face roughly. "I don't know what to say, Alexia."

Your sister pauses, not quiet sure where to begin. "What were you saying to Olga? You said... you said you thought I would hate you, that i'd be disappointed in you."

"I don't- I don't think I'm strong enough for this, Alexia, to come back from this."

"Chica, it is only a broken ankle. It is only a few months." Alexia didn't understand, not at all.

"A few months is a long time. And I'm so tired." You replied, struggling to say enough to satisfy your sister, but not so much that you exposed how horribly you were coping with everything.

Alexia knew you were exhausted, she could tell now. She looked at you, and she finally saw what everyone around you had been seeing. She just didn't understand what had pushed you to this point; it wasn't her, couldn't be her. "Why are you so tired, nena?"

"I'm trying so hard to be perfect, and I keep messing up. There's so much pressure, all the time, and I feel like it's killing me." Your choice of words wasn't accidental or random, and your sister could tell. She inhaled slowly, before trying to put herself in your position.

"The media, it is a lot? The expectations are a lot, but you can't pay too much attention to them," Alexia began, trying to reassure you.

You shook your head, cutting her off. "The media is a lot, yes. It's also... fuck. It's also you, Ale. I feel like nothing I do is good enough for you. I'm not strong like you, I'm not perfect like you, no matter how hard I try."

"I don't understand. I have made you feel this way?" The blonde asked, her voice incredibly small.

"You always want more from me, and sometimes it's okay, but other times, I just feel like I can't do anything right, anything the way you want me to. You tell me I'll be back before 4 months, and it's like all of a sudden there's a deadline at 3 months, and I have to be back by then, or you won't be happy with me." You chanced a look at your sister, finding her completely and utterly shocked.

You continued, realizing that you might as well just tell the entire truth at this point. "I just want to be good enough, Alexia. Good enough that you're proud and that you love me."

Alexia's face crumples at this, reacting to your words like she'd been struck by you. She seems to consider what to say for a while, mouth opening and closing before finally, she settles on something, looking at you.

"I am so sorry." She said, drawing in a big breath as if to prepare for a long speech. You shake your head, but she holds up a hand, telling you to be quiet for a minute. "I never meant to make you feel like that, never. I thought I was doing the right thing, pushing you to be better in a way you wanted. I didn't realize it was too much, I didn't realize you were struggling so much, nena."

Alexa paused, getting her emotions under control.

"I don't want you to be me, or do things just because you think they'll make me happy. Pequeña, you are you, and you are perfect. I don't want you to be anybody but yourself. Whatever makes you happy, that's all I want."

"But with football," you began, before Alexia cuts you off with a strong shake of her head.

"Fuck football. Hermanita, if you wanted to quit football today, I would love you just as much, I would be just as proud of you. You don't need to earn that from me; you are a good person, an incredible sister, and that is why I love you. Not because of what you do or don't do on the pitch. That doesn't matter to me, not really. You matter to me. More than anything."

You still wouldn't look at your sister, so Alexia grabs you by the shoulders turning you to face her. Her eyes are glistening with tears when she speaks, the words cracking you open, leaving a chasm of pain behind.

"You will always be good enough for me, do you understand? I will always love you. Nothing you could do will ever change that." Alexia promised, watching as your body sags with relief. You lean imperceptibly towards her, and Alexia pulls you in again, not letting go even as you shake against her.

"Oh, pequeña. I love you, hermanita. I love you more than anything." Alexia whispered. "I'm so sorry you felt like this, so so sorry. Mi hermanita perfecta, te amo mucho de menos."

You stayed like that for a while, face buried in your sister's shirt, letting go of all of the stress and sadness that had been weighing on you for the past months. Alexia wanted to cry, too, but she didn't let herself. Forcing you to deal with her emotions right now wouldn't be fair. Not after all that she had unknowingly put you through.

"You're going to take your time getting better, however long it takes. And you'll stay here with me and Olga, as long as you need. I'm going to be a better sister, nena, I promise you. I promise." Your sister said the words quietly, but the weight of them was not diminished.

"And you won't be mad if it takes longer?" You asked, leaning back and drying your eyes.

"No. Never."

"Okay." You said, a small smile gracing your lips. "I'm sorry I overreacted."

"You didn't overreact; not at all. The only thing you need to be sorry about as that you didn't tell me sooner how much you were struggling. I'm your sister, nena, you can tell me anything. Always."

-----

Alexia waited until you were soundly asleep in your bed before she allowed herself her emotions. She barely made it in the door of her bedroom before tears were flowing down her face, and she was stumbling blindly towards where her girlfriend awaited her in bed.

"Oh, Ale," Olga sighed, pulling her girlfriend into her arms.

"How did I do this to her? For months, and not realize the pressure she was under, how unhappy she was?" Alexia sobbed, gripping tight to her girlfriend.

"Alexia, you didn't know." Olga tried, but her girlfriend only cried harder.

"I should have. She's my responsibility, I should have known."

"She didn't want you to know. All of this, it isn't your fault. You both should have communicated better. And you will, from here on out. If there is anything I know about you, mi amor, it's that when you set your mind on something, you do it. You'll help her, Ale, you'll fix it. She'll be okay again."

"But she's not okay now." Alexia said, looking up at her girlfriend with wide, watery eyes.

Olga chuckled lightly, running her hand through her girlfriend's soft hair. "She can't always be okay, amor. She has you, though, and she trusts you. You'll make sure she gets through this."

A knock at the door interrupted Alexia before she could respond, and she hastily wiped her eyes, sitting up off her girlfriend as she told you to come in. The door creaked open, and you hesitantly crutched in a step.

"What's up, nena?" Alexia asked, smiling confidently at you, as if she wasn't just sobbing into her girlfriend's shirt. Either you didn't notice, or you pretended that you didn't.

"Can I... can I sleep in here tonight?" You asked, eyes flitting anxiously between your sister and her girlfriend. Both of them only smiled, though, and Alexia scooted closer to Olga, motioning you closer. You scooted into the next to her, letting your sister wrap you up in her arms, like she used to do when you'd sneak into her bed after a bad nightmare.

"Goodnight, nena. I love you. Tomorrow will be better." Alexia murmured. You nodded in agreement.

"I love you to, Ale." You told her quietly.

You weren't exactly sure, but as Alexia's arms tightened around you, you considered that maybe she needed this as much as you did.

-----

Things from then on out were easier for you; you had your confidante back, your shoulder to cry on. Alexia proved to you everyday that she meant what she'd promised you. The biggest instance of this was when you suffered a rather unfortunate setback in recovery, one that sent you back on crutches only days after you'd finally gotten off of them.

-----

You were in the gym, working on lifting some weights, trying to keep the strength in your arms up. It was a freak accident, you tripping in your clunky boot, and stumbling into Jana, who managed to keep you upright. Not upright enough that you didn't step down, hard on your ankle. Apparently just in the right spot for you to set your healing back several weeks. You'd collapsed onto the ground, crying out. You were upset, silently so, until Alexia arrived to the medical room you were in, having sprinted over from the training pitch.

"Hey, pequeña, I'm here." Alexia announced, eyes fluttering over you frantically. "Are you okay? Does it hurt?"

"A little. I have to go back on crutches." You said tearfully. It had been a while since had Alexia seen you be so willingly emotionally vulnerable. She hoped it was a sign that things were improving, that you were trusting her again.

"Let's get you home, yeah? I texted Olga, she's picking up dinner for us. Your favorite." Alexia smiled, helping you up and off the table. You were silently stunned at her lack of questions; it was completely bizarre that your sister didn't ask any questions about the injury. Her focus seemed to be entirely on getting you to the car, and home. She went out of her way to make ridiculous jokes she knew would make you laugh, effectively distracting you when she did an impression of Mapi staring at Ingrid taking penalty shots.

You were almost home when you brought up what was on your mind.

"You didn't ask how much longer I'd be out for." You mentioned quietly.

"It doesn't matter. I just wanted to know you were okay." Alexia said, not a shred of doubt in her voice. You stared over at her, where her eyes were fixed on the road in front of her.

"Ale?" You said.

She glanced over at you. "Yeah?"

"You're a really good sister." You told her. Alexia could only give you a watery smile, turning back towards the road, although she squeezed your shoulder appreciatively as she did so. It meant more to her than she could express, you telling her that.

You'd worked hard to trust her again; she never directly showed you how much your confession had affected her, but you knew it had weighed heavily on her. You'd caught the tail end of the conversation she'd had with her girlfriend, and you promised yourself, there and then, that you'd try to have more faith in yourself. If not because you deserved it, because you'd do it for your sister, who carried the weight of everyone around her's problems on her shoulders at all times.

It wouldn't just be for her, eventually. It would be because you knew you deserved kindness from yourself.

-----

not proofread. hope its everything you could have hoped for :)

[staybabblingbaby]

Project: Stack The Deck CH. 1 (a3d1)

-

Concept: Reader is a long-time trainee at JYP Entertainment, on the verge of being dropped completely due to her age. In her first stroke of luck in ages, she's presented with an opportunity: JYPE is producing a brand new type of audition show - 9 lucky trainees will be 'interning' with 6 of JYPE's active groups for a year in hopes of forming the first ever mixed gender AND mixed subgender group in k-pop. The catch? The trainees are only interning with their exact opposite groups, in an effort to appease ongoing protests.

Or - Babble gives in and writes Omegaverse. But this time, there's ~lore~

-

Word Count: 1,893

Notes: I started this instead of working on SG I'm so sorry ^^;; My brain just doesn't wanna take anything serious rn I've been having a Time lmao I have, perhaps, thought about an inordinate amount of lore for this ^^;; It's ok I just tried to apply logic to Omegaverse nbd. I never liked the 'inner wolf' rhetoric so this is my attempt to fix that while keeping the instinct drivel i adore lol. While also keeping a more human level of 'intinct'. Also this isn't very edited, so keep that in mind. Also also this is super slow-burn and focused on pack-bonds first, so while we may get to romance and maybe smut eventually, it won't be for a really very long time Heavily inspired by To The 9th Degree by azaluvx7 on Ao3.

Warnings: Mention of house-fire, discussion of medical misinformation that leads to protests (also mentioned)

-

Masterlist | Next Part

Sitting across from the director is always a nerve wracking experience, no matter how many times I’ve experienced it.

Kim Jae-Hwa was a severe omegan woman with dark hair and a fair complexion. As the director of Training and Development at JYPE she held the future of all of JYPE’s unrealized talent in her hands.

That did, of course, include my own.

Having been picked up and dropped from several line-ups over the years, none of those groups having come to fruition at all, she was someone I’d seen probably more than I’d have liked to. Seeing her face always filled me with a potent mixture of hope and dread, something she was uniquely positioned to tip the scales of.

Today we were, oddly enough, sat in the company’s cafeteria instead of the director’s office or the conference room she favored. Seeing as how the last time I'd been in one of those rooms it’d been to have a very honest and pragmatic conversation with several of the older trainees about our future within the company and our options outside of it, I couldn’t be mad at the change of scenery.

Several of my classes had become one-on-one tutoring sessions after that conversation.

So yeah, sitting in front of her was always more than enough to make you break out into a cold sweat and send my scent spiking along with my thundering heartbeat beneath carefully-applied scent blockers, no matter how nice she was.

And she was nice, pushing a steaming coffee across the table to me, warm smile gentling her features. She cared about the trainees here, truly. It’s why she organized meeting like the one that chased away a majority of your remaining friends in the first place. Always looking out for us, whether we liked it or not.

“I heard you’ve been skipping a few classes lately, that’s not like you.” She says after a moment, allowing me to sip the warm comfort of the familiar beverage before her interrogation.

“Ah,” I flinch a bit, curling into myself, “I had to get another job. My apartment burned down recently, so it’s just been a bit hard to make everything work out.”

She knows this already, of course. All of my trainers were aware, as well as the manager who oversaw the older trainees. Well, older trainee, now, really. Reports about the trainees crossed her desk regularly, and since I was the only one in my class right now there weren’t many for my details to get lost between.

As expected, she just nods along, tilting her head at me, not surprised in the least.

“Where are you staying now, may I ask?”

I shrink further into myself at her query, embarrassment flooding me. “Just a hotel right now, director.” I admit, head low, “The building wasn’t really salvageable, and I haven’t been able to find anything I can afford near enough to the company yet.”

Jae-Hwa just nods her elegant head, not rendering judgment. In fact, as I glance up at the older woman, there’s something almost calculating in her eyes.

“Why didn’t you apply for the trainee dorms? It sounds like you qualify for them.”

Squirming uncomfortably in my seat, I cast around for a reasonable answer. It wasn’t like I could tell her that I was intimidated by a bunch of teenagers. I mean, in turn they were also intimidated by my seniority and sway with the more sympathetic trainers, but, well. A few bad apples could spoil a bunch, and I’d always been an easy target for bullies.

Even if they couldn’t hurt me physically or professionally, words often had a way of getting under skin. Especially from people I’d rather be able to mentor and pamper.

“The kids get a bit uncomfortable with me already,” I settle on, letting my shoulders shrug sheepishly, body pulled along by the half-truth, “I don’t want to make it worse by intruding on their space.”

Jae-Hwa simply hums, considering me. She probably knew this too, honestly. The truth of it, even. There wasn’t much that went on in the practice rooms that she didn’t know about.

There also wasn’t much she could do if I didn’t stand up for myself, so I just offer her a strained smile, silently begging for this conversation to move forward.

Stars above, if this was a new way of gently encouraging me to pursue other career paths it might have been the most effective one yet. Fleeing the building sounded great right about now.

“Alright, I won’t push it, you know very well what resources we offer by now. Better than some of my staff even, I’d bet.” She says it in a lighthearted tone, clearly only meant to tease, but hot shame rips through me again anyways.

Seven years was a long time to train, and while it did come with some perks (like knowing the training program than some of the managers), it still meant that I hadn’t been good enough to debut. That despite the extra experience and training, I still wasn’t good enough.

“I actually had something of a proposal for you,” the director continues, unbothered by my bowed head, “You may not have heard since you’ve been out lately, but the board has proposed a project in hopes of appeasing those protests that have been happening.”

I grimace at the mention of the ongoing protests, the loud chanting of the crowd in front of the building ringing in my ears at just the mention of them.

“The ones about co-ed groups?” I clarify, as if there are any others.

She shares a tight-lipped commiserating smile with me and nods, “Yes, those protests,” she sighs.

Honestly, the whole movement was stupid, in your opinion. On the surface it was progressive, inclusive even. After all, encouraging more co-ed groups could lead to a great many positive changes for idols. Less scrutiny on interactions between male and female idols, or alphas and omegas. More leeway with the very intense media attention, a chance to be more care-free when hanging out with their friends.

Hell, it could even be good for society at large, showing progressive ideals in a very visible way. That is, if the goal of the movement had been so pure or noble.

No, the current rhetoric was an archaic bunch of bologna ripped from an out of context statistic from a very old and very biased study about Pack dynamics and their impact on one’s health.

To brush past the bullshit and flowery words of concern, they believed that a pack needed at least one person of every sub-gender present to keep a balance of hormones and instincts and remain healthy.

Never mind that the same study claimed that omegas needed to be locked up in their dens and nests like birds in a cage or that betas were only really good for filling in negative space despite their very intensively studied and very important roles in a pack.

Unfortunately, despite making about as much sense as a flat-earther, one viral post had made it into k-pop circles and triggered a cascade of hysterically ‘worried’ fans, who really just wanted a chance to join the packs of their favorite celebrities.

It was common knowledge that many idol groups ended up as pack, especially those that enjoyed success. JYPE as a company very specifically encouraged this, boasting an incredible matchmaking record with 10 out of 11 of groups they’d tried this with becoming pack, a further 3 of those packs even being romantic.

The issue was that, in direct contrast with this nonsensical ideal, most idol groups comprised themselves of only one primary and two sub genders, due to the marketability and fanservice of it all. An alpha group would only have alphas and betas, and vice versa for omega groups.

Hence the very loud protests outside the building, mostly comprised of delusional fans baying for a chance to meet their idols for said idol’s ‘health’.

Normally the company wouldn’t cave to something like this, simply issuing statements of good health or waiting for it to blow over, but even I had heard of the large-scale boycotts and blackouts among various fandoms. Loss of profit or image was something the company could not, unfortunately, ignore.

Still, I frown at the director.

“Is it really a good idea to give into them?” I ask, worried, “Won’t they just get bolder, then?”

The director grimaces in agreement, but shrugs her shoulders, “Your guess is as good as mine, kid. In the end, it’s up to the investors.”

I give my own grimace at this. Despite actively wanting and trying to participate in the industry, I was old enough for the rose-tinted glasses to have come off. I could be disgusted by how the industry operated while still wanting to be a part of it. I’m talented that way.

“Just hear me out about it before we start picking it apart,” Jae-Hwa gently pleads, “This could be a good opportunity for you.” something heavy and sorrowful clouds her eyes, her voice lowering as she admits, “This could be the last opportunity I can get for you.”

My heart lodges in my throat at her words, nausea swirling in my gut.

Jae-Hwa really did care for her trainees. A bit too much, even. Enough to be blunt with us about our chances to debut. It had been a few years since she’d looked at me with bright eyes and a cheerful, “This could be it! You’ve got the talent, kid, we’ve just gotta show it to the world!”

She might take the older trainees aside to gently break their hearts, but she never forced them out. I was just the last one stupid enough to stay.

“You’re 23 this year, y/n.” She says gently, grimly, softly taking my hands into hers across the table, “I can’t protect you forever. There’s no telling when we’ll get to put together another girl group. You’ve got the talent, kid, but this might be your last chance to show it.”

She’s right, of course. 23 is old for a trainee. Hell, younger idols should be hitting the peak of their careers at 23. Even if I left JYPE, there’s only a very infinitesimal chance I’d be picked up by another agency. There’s an even smaller chance that theoretical company could debut me.

I swallow uneasily and tighten my grip on the director’s hands. I give her a tiny nod to continue, fighting off the urge to cry.

“They’re putting together a reality show,” Jae-Hwa begins to explain, holding my gaze, “Where they’re going to have our top trainees ‘intern’” she releases one hand to air-quote the word, her eyes rolling despite herself. It makes me giggle, and by her small smile, that was her goal, “with one of our active groups for the duration of a comeback.”

I tilt my head questioningly at her, “What does that have to do with the protests?” I ask. So far it seemed like just an innovative audition show to me.

the director’s eyes reveal her unease, even as her face stays resolute. “The trainees will be put in a pool for the groups to choose from.” She continues to explain, seemingly ignoring my question, “But,” She hesitates, “They’re only going to allow the groups to choose completely opposite- gender trainees.

[lovrsm]

ɢᴏʀɢᴇᴏᴜꜱ

sum: in which your brother invites you to a party, and oh god, you're so glad you accepted.

word count: 2.4k

pairing: charles leclerc x singer!reader

warnings: drinking, curse words & insinuation of cheating.

Spotify - Apple Music

ᴍᴀɪɴ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ

ᴘᴀʀᴛ ɪ - ᴘᴀʀᴛ ɪɪ - ᴍᴇᴅɪᴀ ᴀᴜ

"you should take it as a compliment that I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk"

Monaco was such a lovely place, when my brother had told me about it I thought he was exaggerating. I mean, it wouldn't be that weird if he had, he's always excited about everything, he's the kind of guy who makes you see as if the world is made of bright rainbow colors, and I believe him.

I arrived from the airport about 2 hours ago, I was on my way to the hotel where Lando was staying, he told me he got another room for me. How could I say no?

He called me yesterday at about 3pm

"No, I'm telling you, IT WILL BE THE PARTY OF THE YEAR!" he screamed over the phone, making me laugh.

"Lando, I just came from signing with my sponsors, they expect me to write more songs in a 4 months period, you know how complicated that's going to be?" I exhaled, taking off my heels, tossing them across the room as I lay down on the couch. I was exhausted.

"C'mon, you'll have plenty of things to write songs about, look, I can already hear it!" he started to hum a catchy tone, making the corners of my mouth go up. "Lando... Jake won't be able to be there, god, I don't even know if he'll want me to be there, you know?"

I could already see him in the doorway telling me where am I.

Sure, he was on canada filming, but what if he finds out?

"I'm not even letting you say no, I'm already booking tickets, get all you need, you can even shop here if you want, I just want my sister with me tomorrow night with me"

"You better go get me at the airport Lando Norris."

"I wont let you down peanut" He chuckled and hung up on me.

Well he kinda let me down, he couldn't come get me due to some last minute meeting he had. I don't really mind, I know having a busy life is exhausting.

I thanked the taxi driver giving his a generous tip, my bodyguard helped me get out my suitcases, I had a hoodie and black sunglasses, he had a casual outfit so we wouldn't stand out.

For being a top artist in the whole world, I did not like having that much security. But it was an obligation, not an option, I had to stick to what my manager and team asks me to do.

_

After a busy day of shopping and walking around the streets, I could barely feel my feet. I had gotten a beautiful short red dress. Perfect fit for the occasion. It was just 7p.m. and Lando had texted me he was on his way to my dorm.

The door opened to reveal my very festive brother in the other side "You're here!" "I'm here!" I screamed back jumping into his arms.

We catched up, he was telling me about how he checked the track, for the next season, since we were in December. Although I never really understood racing, when we were kids our parents would take us out to the karts, and I'd always crash while he was beating all of us who tried to play.

He focused on sports and I focused on music, since I was 12 years old I learned to play the guitar. My mom used to tell me that I was a genius at writing songs, I guess many people think the same.

Time passed by too fast, with him I felt like an hour were just 5 minutes.

After hating each other all our childhood, we became closer than ever after my career and his took off. I think it was because we were twins, we hated it when people said we acted the same, because physically we are not alike at all. I am so much prettier, obviously.

it was already 8 o'clock "I'm leaving, I should get ready, do you wanna come with me?"

"I'd stopped talking to you if you let me get there alone, I know none of these guys Lando."

"I'm sure you'll know somebody miss famous." He bumped my shoulder and left my room, entering to his which was next door.

I took my time getting ready. God, I love being a woman. I took a bath, fixed my hair, put on my make-up and finally there was the dress, hanging on the bathroom door. I think it is one of the most beautiful dresses I have ever seen in my life.

How did I manage to put on the mini dress correctly by myself? I don't even know, but I couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror. God if only someone could look at me.

Oh wait! There is someone, I grabbed my phone to click his name, my phone started to ring. I waited patiently, but he did not answer. So I called him once more, this time he did answer.

I heard loud music and singing in the back. "What do you need?" he asked, I could hear the irritation in his voice. "I wanted to hear from you, we haven't talked-"

"We talked last Monday, wasn't that enough? I'm busy." He interrupted me.

"Where are you?" I asked intrigued this time.

"Uhm... I'm in the bar with some friends"

"Oh and that's just more important than your girlfriend?" I raised my voice at him, I was now sitting the edge on the bed.

"Look, I don't want to fight, just call me later." He said, basically hanging the phone. "Jake..." I said before he could do so.

"What?" He sounded desperate. "Take care." I said.

"Ok" He hung. I felt disgusted, why? not idea, I just felt dirty, as if I was forcing him to talk to me. I took some deep breathes so I could calm my nerves down.

I don't even want to go out anymore.

I tried hard not to cry, I wasn't going to ruin my makeup over some small argument, I'm sure tomorrow we'll be alright, we always end up alright.

It felt as an eternity till I heard a knock on my door, I quickly grabbed my bag, looked in the mirror once more to fix my dark wavy hair, and rushed to the door. I opened it, in the side was Lando, his back on the wall while he was looking at his phone.

He turned it off and looked at me, I smiled "Ready to go Peanut?"

"Lets go"

_

We finally got to the club, electronic music was blasting off, people were already drunk, and boy they didn't even tried to hide it.

We had to basically run to the VIP area, I didn't said anything to my bodyguard about this, besides, he can use a break.

Lando was immediately greeted by everyone who was in the room. "LANDO!" A man screamed to him "Ayee, we're here!" He said hugging the man, and patting him in the back. "you're so late, you were the only ones missing!"

"we're here Pierre, I'd like to present to you all my sister!" He hugged me by the side and I waved with a smile on my face. It seemed that most of them recognized me, because some of them just stood there in shock "Hey everyone, ready to get wasted?" I laughed, that made them less tense and cheered, lifting their cups.

Lando gave a me a sweet kiss in my head, "see, you'll be fine, have some fun peanut!" I let go and we both went our own way.

I started to talk to a girl, her name is Kika, I learnt she was the girlfriend of a guy named Pierre Gasly. I've heard about him but no one ever told me how fun his girlfriend was!

"Girl, you should try this margarita, the most wholesome thing you'll have in your life!"

She was not kidding with that. In a few minutes, I had asked for... about 5 of them, or maybe just 13.

I had talked to everyone in the room by 10 pm, they were all so fun, and the energy was of another planet.

"Yeah, and then Max would make that grumpy face. I swear he looks like and old man!"

"very mature Lando, so mature." I bursted out laughing. "LECLERC HAS ARRIVED!" I heard someone scream in the entrance, and in seconds half of the group was there greeting the guy.

I decided I was going to take something else than a margarita. I walked up to the bartender, who definitely did not understood me. I don't know if I was speaking too softly or if I was just way too drunk to talk, but I decided to leave, I turned around and bumped into someone.

I was about to loose my balance till his arms were wrapped around my waist, I was able to stand straight. "are you alright?" he asked.

I looked into his eyes, green eyes "what?"was all I could manage. "Are you alright?" He asked again, I now noticed a thick accent, I bursted out laughing for that.

He looked so confused, he let go and chuckled with me. For a second it was as if the whole club was quiet. I looked again at him, and I immediately looked down at the floor. He grabbed my hand, the lights went out for a second and my world spun. My legs were about to give up.

His touch was... it was, god I can't even say it.

"I'm Charles, what's your name?"

I bit my lip, what went out of my mouth was definitely not what I wanted to say. "Do you always talk like that?" I asked a bit to seriously, I chuckled so that I wasn't that rude.

"Yeah, my first language isn't english."

"Huh." I said, I felt as if he had a goddamn magnetic field and it was pulling me towards him, I couldn't stand it.

I ran off to the other side of the room, leaving him standing alone next to the bar.

_

All night.

All night I couldn't stop thinking about him, his hand touching my hand in the darkened room...

and I made fun of the way he talked.

I'm never drinking again.

Yet there I was, in the bar once more, asking for whiskey. Mature, so mature.

I kept bouncing back and forth between the people there, once I saw Charles walking to my way, I would ran to the other side of the room.

I have a boyfriend for gods sake! I can't be thinking these unhealthy things about him.

But, I mean, can you blame me?

Look at him.

His first two buttons were unbottened which made him look so attractive. And you should see his dimples, he's so gorgeous it actually fucking hurts!

"So you're not going to talk to me?" I heard a voice behind my ear. His chest touching my back. I didn't move, but I did answer.

"Who said I wasn't going to?" I asked playfully, with a grin on my face, knowing he couldn’t see me.

He hummed in my ear, before he turned me to look him in the eye, he grabbed my neck, but he didn't kiss me. Instead, he brought his lips back to my ear.

"Then why do you keep running, huh?" His hot breath sent a shiver down my spine. I was dumbfolded by his actions, he took a step back to look at me.

I looked into his eyes, I was absolutely taking him in. I looked at his dimples because of the grin he had in his face. His eyebrows, his slightly sweaty hair, with pieces of it falling into his face.

I couldn't help myself, I noticed how he looked into my eyes, and then to my mouth.

What if..?

I asked to myself, I closed my eyes and got closer to him, waiting for a kiss. But he grabbed me by my hips pulling me back.

"You're far too drunk, ma chou" I heard and opened my eyes, he gave me a sympathetic smile. I felt dumb for a second, but after seeing his face... I think I might be falling.

"Why don't we leave, would you like that?" I hugged him, my head in his neck. I nodded as fast as I could. He grabbed me and in a second, we were in his car.

For sure the alcohol got to my head that night.

_

Taglist

[yuqsdug]

Nothing Down thoughts while playing Block tales Demo 4 PART 2!!! I RAN OUT OF IMAGES!!!

Spoiler alert

Crude language

And! We! are! back!!!

Where was I? Oh yeah, Lighthearted chapter huh?

Dawg! These lego people are TRAUMATISED!!!

GREED

GREED COLOR SPOTTED!!!

Still no new music... WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SOUND.

Oh I should fix my build, still have the deck for the boss.

WE GOT THE SWORDS BACk

...

Did i only now realise that the icon of special is a fire ring...

Oh god I think we can decypher the enemy heiroglyps. Not doing that! lol!

EUGHHH Why do I have lag?. Prolly been playing for too long lol;

I see it.

Since Calypso does the same animation as us while we Jet boot, I'd like to think we're sharing it... don't ask how. Piggy back? Each one shoe?

WHAT TF WAS THAT HORSE ATTACK???

I always forget that the Hyperball double jump exists

This is how we almost gave into hatred. do we not learn?

dope background

The way this area rotates reminds me of The sacred hollow.

I feel like going diagonal is slightly faster in this area.

reached the top.

Why is it laggy?

PLAYER OH MY FUCKING GOD READ THE ROOM.

No.

We are not killing Trotter.

We wouldn't! But logical read. If only the player could talk like a talk it out.

wait.

THE VOICES GOT HIM

I REPEAT THE VOICES GOT HIM

ah. There's the teaser!

Welp, grandpa's joining Cruel King, 's been nice knowing ya!

BRO IS CHANCE

BRO IS CHANCE

I AM NOT SURVIVING

ALL MY HP IS GONE

Cruel king attack lol

Bro did an ultrakill.

CALYPSO!!! YOu did it!!!

The voices hehe.

Oh. Oh no.

Player if you sneak of to grab that sword now, I SWEAR.

WHAT IS THAT???

New, evil, bubonic dropped.

What? Why do we hear? Voices?

"Prepare to dodge!"? NAH WE USING THE GHOSTWALKER, HUN! WE ARE NOT DODGING GOD.

oh god it's flying.

Hey, ancient god sir, mind giving me the S w o r d?

died.

Where did my swords go? Did They steal it?

I THOUGHT I HAD YOU FIGURED OUT??? WHY'D YOU SUDDENLY USE THE SUPER BEAM NOT AFTER YOU SUMMONED FRIENDS???

guess i'll be able to equip linebounce now.

Eughhh

Logging off since i need to sleep. The sun's rising again. Eughhhh i need to lock in tomorrow for school...

Anyway! Is it a glitch that the SFOTH sword menu option, keeps! Dissapearing!!! It probably says it in the chat menu, but it always passes by too quickly...

I should probably update the workskin i uploaded. The textboxes, while neat, ARE WRONG!!! I need so many more text boxes... Aaaaaaah

I'm back! And I got Griefer's card! People weren't kidding when they said he was strong.

Equipted him and--

I DID IT!! yipee!

You know a thing is bad when it has it "Yeah, let's deal with the trauma now" leitmotif.

Aww

wanna bet we are just going to take the sword casually after this?

OH MY phUCKING GOD PLAYER!!!

I SWEAR.

oh.

She's unresponsive. Catachonic? cathonic? however you spell it.

Now what to do...

It's probably the ancients within nirvana...

And the angst keeps on piling up!!!

It's... sandy. Also is this new music? FINAL FANTASY BOSS AH INTRO

GET ME OUTA HERE.

huh. nirvana always sounded like this?

Also, WHEN WHERE THESE BG ADDED, SERIOUSLY? I KNOW YOU HAD A WHITE BACKGROUND

Anyway, that's it for now? I'm not doing for the pit. I haven't even beat chapter 2's pit yet lol.

Also I don't remember Pit music existing

[red-bat-arse]

Working on a BillFord fic I'm internally calling my delusional au lol but I think I'd actually title it the Have A Heart AU

Wherein Fiddleford leaves the project but Ford doesn't confront Bill, and since Bill is very happy things are going well he decides to start actually flirting. His way of doing this is to give Ford gifts of possessed rats, hurt his body in controlled ways, and talk about dangerous things they could do together...

Oh, and be so distracted by infighting in the Nightmare Realm that when Ford starts spiraling into scared paranoia over the -to him -literal torture, he doesn't notice until Ford throws him out of the mindscape.

So now he's got to figure out how to fix what he broke, or he'll never get the portal running, sure, but worse than that is he'll lose Ford for good. With Stan on the way to the cabin, looks like he'll have to make a deal with Specs of all people so he can have a body to pilot -if Ford doesn't want him in his mind, they can talk on more even ground. And maybe Bill can start making up for his mistakes along the way.

Excerpt and rambling underneath;

Bill looked down at the nail wound and tensed up -what if he made it worse? What if he got it wrong again and Ford woke up and thought he did it on purpose, thought he just wanted to- what, torture him?

Did Ford think Bill hated him? Or did he assume this was all some sort of prank like his childhood bullies would pull, a betrayal like his oaf of a twin committed, or plain scorn like nearly everyone else showed him for his big ideas? For the mind that Bill thought was exceptional and shone like a star- and-

-and why was this so hard? Why was Bill even second guessing himself? He was a god! He could take care of Sixer any way he wanted and he should be glad he showed him that much care. Any other being with Bill's amount of power would've taken Ford and made him into a mere pet, would've wasted his potential instead of cultivating it, and this was stupid! Bill should already know how to put Ford back together! Ford was his! Ford was supposed to-

Bill caught his reflection in the mirror and snapped out of his spiral. The battered, unkempt body of his author stared back at him, blood slowly leaking from his eye as Ford unconsciously fought against Bill's possession.

He hadn't ever done that before. Bill wiped at the blood but just ended up smearing it around, so he grabbed a new looking washcloth and wet it, taking Ford's glasses off to get at the stain better. He cleaned the blood away carefully and closed the eye once it looked like it had stopped leaking, and when he rinsed the cloth out the water ran down the drain pink.

Ford was supposed to be fine.

"I think I screwed up," he said out loud, and it was then he realized if he didn't fix this, properly, he'd lose everything.

He'd lose any hope of the portal being completed, sure, which meant sooner or later the Nightmare Realm would finally collapse in on itself and kill everyone inside. Granted, with how bad he was feeling at the moment after thousands of years of nothing, dying like that didn't exactly sound like the worst option. Sure, Ax would be sad for a bit, the old sap, but there wouldn't be anyone actually mourning him if he went out that way.

Not even his author, not even Ford, because he'd probably be relieved. The being Bill thought he would spend the next eternity with was terrified of him and if he didn't fix it he would be relieved when Bill died. He would be glad for it and die at 92 of a petty thing like a heart attack and then they'd both be written out of existence, and that would be the end.

If there was one thing Bill hated at this moment, it was thinking about Ford ending. He'd caused so many others over the years after that first unintentional one, after bringing Euclydia to an end, and he hadn't cared at all, had reveled in it even, but with Ford the notion was wrong, was awful. And the idea of Ford dying hating him and being glad to be rid of him, it made his entire shape seize up in distress.

Ford had rejuvenated him, brought him back from an apathetic husk of a being through nothing more than his mind and his charms, and look how Bill had repaid him.

Notes;

explores the idea of Bill not really understanding why humans work the way they do -such as hallucinating after days without sleep and reacting badly when the being possessing their body starts hurting it without explanation -but having to reckon with it if he wants to keep Ford

he's from an extinct dimension and's been around for millennia, and Ford is the first being in general he's ever actually liked -this is not a recipe for well-meshing love languages. i was like "what if Bill actually thinks giving someone a wound they can easily heal is like, the highest form of showing love"? what if he saw the aftermath and went "oh shit i fd up" and wanted to fix it? could something like that even be fixed? not with canon Bill, certainly, but i saw someone point out that if Ford were a touch worse of a person or Bill were a touch better, they probably could have been happy together, so in this AU -spoilers -i think it could be fixed

will be posted on my ao3 later

[timefall-if]

hi again. just reading the older asks and now have some new questions:

so the occupation acts more like the "starting class" from rpg games, right? e.g. you pick the soldier class, you get +2 strength and +1 constitution & optional soldier dialogue options with npc´s

if occupations are not that important in the story, does this mean i can have a inventor MC, who is also very skilled in combat?

i think you said you would like us to share some MC-ideas we have. mine is the following (of course, i dont know how possible my idea will be in your IF): when there is a option to go the villain/evil path and/or be the villain/evil person, i go with it, since not many IF´s allow you to do this. i usuallly go with a combat focused MC, who leans more into the dexterous/assassine fighting style. depending on the setting, my MC supports herself with fitting support (like illusion magic to distract the enemy or gadgets like smokebombs etc.). for occupation in this IF i will probably go with either pit fighter or inventor, with the main skills being combat and tinkering.

since this IF have some cyberpunk elements, does this mean MC can get cybernatics (enhancements)?

i really like reading asks/comments, since this is a good way to get more informations/funfacts about the IF/characters/setting/... now i admit, i never saw the show "arcane", just not my cup of tea; and when i see an ask like "Is Marek more like Vander or Silco in character?" i feel like im missing interesting informations about (in this case) Marek simply because i didnt watch arcane. if there are similar asks in the future, maybe you can add a sentence or two about the arcane character, so someone who didnt watch the series can know what the ask is about (something like: character Y & Z are from arcane; Y is a medic, who wants to cure every disease no matter the cost, while Z is a emotionless and ruthless killer). obviously you dont have to do this and i know this is basically a me-problem, which could be fixed by simply watching the show. anyways thank you for your answers.

hi again!

1. i'd say so, yes! depending on the occupation you choose, you can meet different people and raise different stats.

2. if you have an inventor MC, that stat will be the highest. you can make combat the second highest stat. same with the other occupations ^^ that's what i'm planning on, at least, so it might change as the story progresses. i feel like it would be more realistic for MC to be good at different things because they'd need different things to survive in the undercity!

3. sure, thanks for sharing! MC doesn't have any magic (like the illusionary one you mentioned), but i hadn't thought of having different fighting styles! i'll try to do that as well ^^

4. hmmm, i'm not sure what you mean by enhancements, but you can have prosthetics! so that's pretty cool ^^

that's a totally valid suggestion, thanks for pointing it out!! i'll definitely keep that in mind when answering future asks because people shouldn't have to be informed on the show just to understand specific comparisons or inspirations in this IF. thank you for the questions!!!

[itwoodbeprefect]

you're the only person on my dash who's said anything about the nl govt collapse, I don't know lots about it but I'm curious what the feeling is on the ground chez vous. thoughts? how you feeling election-wise?

ooh! ohoho, that's a fun question right now, thank you!

i don't know how much you know, so apologies if i overexplain, and this also took me MANY DAYS to answer (more important apologies for that) because i immediately started writing too many words. i put most of them under a read more, but they're entirely optional and only there in case anyone would like to. read more, that is.

so, generally, the feeling from all sides is the absolute opposite of surprise. this cabinet sat for 11 months and 1 day after more than seven months of a very unhappy formation, and those 11 months (and 1 day) weren't much happier. this overwhelming lack of surprise comes hilariously paired with the fact that there was absolutely no good reason for the cabinet to fall now (on some level this did come out of the blue), because there was no sudden crisis, nothing new really happened, but wilders (leader of the far-right populist PVV, the biggest party in parliament since the last elections) got antsy and realized that all the things he'd promised (mostly extreme and often impossible anti-immigration measures) were about to fall through again/had already taken far too long (from the pov of his voters. politics takes time, that's how it goes, but he wants things (Far) Right Now), so he more or less made up a list of 10 new demands he wanted the other three coalition parties to sign for, and when they didn't (but told him he could propose those laws and they wouldn't block him, and he might even have their support. they just weren't willing to put their name on a sudden new coalition promise), he sort of overnight decided to pretend that this was THE line in the sand, and he couldn't stand for this any longer, and he HAD to let the government fall for the good of the country, i guess. the idea behind this is that if he's the one to pull his support for the coalition he can pretend he's been trying soooo hard to get something done but everyone just kept working against him (say "awww" please), and at the same time it puts immigration at the center of the next half year-ish of campaigns because that's the Big Issue this government fell over.

now. after the PVV bailed, the other three coalition parties could technically have decided to make a go of it as a minority government, but this was a doomed marriage right from the start and there was exactly zero will to continue from any side, and the opposition was also immediately calling for elections, so that's what's happening. summer is coming up, so the date has been set for late october, and i don't love that (i'd rather have them sooner, honestly), but i DO like the prospect of an election. in hindsight the conditions were perfect last time for a right wing... well, not quite sweep (there are 15 different parties in parliament right now. not much about dutch politics is ever sweeping), but they definitely blew up more than predicted, and i harbor a faint sliver of very guarded hope that results in the next election will be, like, maybe a few seats less doom and despair inducing. things won't be fixed suddenly, the PVV will continue to exist and get a large share of the votes (as will several other right-wing parties), but chances are... not huge? that they'll manage another entirely right-wing government (and you could debate if that's what this one was, but we'd be splitting hairs). there were a few voices from the right after the cabinet fell lamenting that wilders had wasted the potential of this wonderful first-of-a-kind truly fully right-wing government, and they're not wrong but it's also wishful thinking (this cabinet was never going to get anything done. for so many reasons), and obviously my feelings on it are more along the lines of yay! hooray!

so it's, like. it makes me nervous, because everything about politics does, currently. but at least it probably fingers crossed most likely won't get worse (it could! it can! there's plenty of room for things to be worse over here! i just mean that it currently doesn't seem very likely), so any chance of it getting slightly better (and not having to watch the PVV minister for immigration on the evening news every other night because she said some new wildly nauseating thing while smiling) is one i'll take.

also, it's just fun to witness the mess right now. sometimes it's the little things in life that bring one joy. <3

point in case, all i keep seeing in my head is this, from the national evening news on the night of the collapse:

this is the leader of the one of the coalition parties (NSC) responding right after the news broke, but she's standing next to a racist cartoon (it's part of a series of islamophobic... jokes? because she's in the hall near the PVV offices, a bastion of free speech. and islamophobia), but the text is so close to unreadable that really she's just. earnestly trying to do politics next to a picture of hole. there are no two ways around it that's just. it's just a drawing of an anus. with an arrow pointed at it.

which is a terrible place to put yourself if you want to be taken seriously! < the only words really needed to describe anything any of the non-PVV political parties in the coalition have done over the past year and a half.

the above also forced me to relearn that the public broadcast livestream doesn't allow screenshots, so i had to skip back and get out my phone and take a picture of my laptop screen, like a caveman. oh, the times we're in.

as promised, the entirely optional MANY MORE words for context on why i am (very very cautiously, a tiny little bit) optimistic about new elections under the cut:

okay, so the now ex-coalition had these players:

PVV (party for freedom), far right nationalist-populists under geert wilders. received the largest share of the votes. (note: by no means a majority of the votes, just the largest share in a very fractured landscape.) wilders wanted to be prime minister, and the largest party generally gets to supply one, but the other parties blocked him ("normal" political parties, generally, do not like wilders, and do not want him to represent this country), which is how we ended up with prime minister schoof (not from the PVV. a guy nobody knew, so nobody had any objections to him) heading a cabinet to which wilders kept playing opposition even though HIS party was in it. the PVV is genuinely awful and deeply racist, and they will dabble in a little great replacement propaganda (there was a minister who tried not to denounce something she'd said about this in the past, and then eventually did anyway so she could get the job. very believable), but they're a little too grounded to go full on Q Anon. (that's the domain of FVD, who had their moment but are now mostly irrelevant because of how deeply their leader got drawn into the conspiracy spiral. you can forget about the FVD now, they won't be important.)

VVD, mainstream right/center-right party (the liberals, but in a political context where that puts them firmly on the right), who were the largest party for a decade and a half until the last elections. i don't agree with them, i would never ever vote for them, they've done a lot of things wrong and left a legacy of problems they created and never solved, but under mark rutte (during that decade and a half) they were a very stabilizing force, so at least there was that. rutte left to become secretary general of NATO prior to the last elections (which meant we were finally rid of him), and the VVD is now headed by dilan yeşilgöz, who has been pushing them farther right to keep up with the PVV. they're not insane (currently), and they can be reasoned with, but they will really try to give tax cuts to the rich.

NSC (new social contract), a party quite literally so new that it didn't exist before the previous elections, and which won a stupid number of votes considering it wasn't entirely clear what they stood for. they positioned themselves as the party that cares about the constitution, and during the coalition forming process they kept asking concerned questions about the constitutionality of the PVV's proposals, and then they joined this coalition anyway. their leader and THE guy everyone was voting for the NSC for, pieter omtzigt, has been in a constant struggle with burnout and has now (probably?) left national politics for good (after leaving and coming back and leaving and coming back). things do not look good for the NSC.

BBB, the farmer's party. those words may sound sympathetic at first glance, but in reality they're a right-wing mostly single-issue party concerned with farmer's rights in a way that means they're very against, uh. nature. or animal rights. or doing anything to prevent climate change. this may not sound like an obvious party to draw votes, but for a tiny overpopulated country the netherlands does far more farming than you might think. they're a relatively new party but they have a strong core base of supporters.

genuinely, i think what this lineup really says about voters is that (like in so many places around the world) they want the government to take care of people, they want to feel supported, they want everything the left wants, but they keep trying to find it in right-wing parties, several of which have no clue what they're doing beyond shouting things that sound good and/or easy. out of these three only the VVD had any experience whatsoever at governing a country, the NSC barely existed yet, the BBB only really cares about one thing, and the PVV is great at playing opposition but you can't have it both ways. this was never going to work, and everyone knew it, even the people in these parties who were pretending that they might get something done.

now. when discussing him in an international context wilders frequently gets called the dutch trump, and i get why, and it's a decent enough shorthand, and they do align in being destructive unbearable racist anti-immigration populist right-wingers, but it's also, just. not really true at all. wilders has a firm grip on the PVV because he built it, and while trump is an idiot (a dangerous one! a powerful one! but an idiot), wilders is not, and he's been in politics since 1990, and in national politics as the head of his PVV since 2004. he's been here, spewing versions of the shit he's spewing now, and right now he's riding the wave.

and crucially, wilders doesn't get compared to trump a lot in his own country. that's not a thing in the mainstream dutch discourse around him, so the mess trump is currently making of the US doesn't stick to wilders in the way it seemed to haunt the right wing in the recent canadian and australian elections, and unless someone's campaign strategy changes that i don't think that will have much of an impact here.

also: it's important to note that the PVV is definitely a right-wing party, but it's not always that simple and they are, on a technical level, left on some social issues. they want to lower the cost of healthcare insurance (which is mandatory over here. everyone has it, but even so not all insurance is equal, and it's pricey), they were trying to push a rent freeze before the government collapsed (and their proposal was shoddy and about to get struck down, but in theory this could have been a good thing). and these kinds of things sound nice! it's just that wilders wants them for white people, and preferably no one else - but they have and will make people vote for him (sometimes without thinking too much about the racism), because he presents himself as a man who will say what no one else is saying AND cares about the cost of your groceries. during a debate in the runup to the last elections there was a confrontation between wilders and the leader of two left-wing parties which recently joined forces (GL-PvdA, THE mainstream left right now. we'll get to them), in which they were essentially saying they had the same stance on lowering healthcare insurance costs, but wilders was promising radical (impossible) change and the GL-PvdA leader was presenting an actual, reasoned, potentially workable plan that involved several steps. wilders came out on top in this debate even though he absolutely shouldn't have (and later, after the elections, he would shift to more or less parroting the GL-PvdA leader's "it's more complicated than that" stance, because it is more complicated than that), which is just a distilled version of the problem everywhere right now, i guess, because magical sudden solutions sound more attractive upfront than reality, and only certain people are willing to tell those pretty lies.

and finally, while he's been around all this time, he and his PVV have never been in government. they got very close once in 2010-2012 during the VVD-led Rutte I cabinet, when they were a kind of semi-part of the coalition (a very culturally dutch construction, in so many ways), but this ended so badly that nobody even wanted to consider working with them since then, not even on the mainstream right. the VVD (and everyone else, but crucially the VVD, who kept getting the lead in coalition talks) had an unofficial boycot in place against working with them, which essentially left them dead in the water - you can vote for the PVV, but you know up front that it's not getting them anything but opposition seats.

which brings me to the thing that happened last time to give the PVV the unexpected boost they got. so, it's 2023, the cabinet led by mark rutte (of the VVD, then the largest party. this was Rutte IV, so his fourth turn as prime minister) toppled over something they called an asylum crisis (so, over immigration). this was mostly the VVD at work, who were hoping to gain votes with their stance on the issues in a next election.

but who is even louder and meaner about immigration than the VVD? the PVV! so wilders was doing alright anyway, this was perfect for him (adding some to the incremental growth of the far right he could have counted on anyway), but then rutte (finally) left dutch politics, and the VVD leadership was passed to yeşilgöz. yeşilgöz, in an attempt to show that she's doing "new" and "different" politics (a lot of people had gotten tired of mark rutte) and also to appease PVV voters, says that she doesn't rule out working with anyone, even the PVV.

this, now, suddenly meant the PVV was a viable option again. instead of drawing votes for the VVD because they're so cool and chill and also totally tough on immigration, it had the opposite effect of drawing votes for the PVV because they're a Real Political Party! so they more than doubled their seats, going over what they were projected to get in votes, and getting easily their highest number of votes ever. the VVD meanwhile did worse than expected (they had been going strong for the previous 15 years, after all) and then suddenly yeşilgöz had to backpaddle and announce that she wouldn't stand for a prime minister wilders, which is how we wound up with a very odd situation in which wilders (annoyed) kept attacking a guy HE put in the prime minister seat.

so looking ahead now, for these next elections wilders is 100% hoping to somehow get another shot at being prime minister. he wants to grow the PVV even further, but looking at current polling numbers (which mean nothing yet. but are nonetheless all we have) that wouldn't be happening. they'd still come out as the biggest, but they might lose a few seats, and that's not getting wilders in a better spot than where he was. also, while he was of course trying to present as reasonable during the coalition talks, he showed his true (entirely known and expected) colors later on, so whatever his voters or the general population may think, politicians from other parties are supremely annoyed with him (once again).

(important bleak sidenote: this could also be what wilders wants. either he wins more seats, and then they Have to take him seriously and let him be prime minister, or he doesn't, and then he doesn't get to be a part of the next government, and he gets to go back to yelling very loudly about everything everyone else is doing wrong, which is his strong suit anyway. there are no real bad outcomes for him here, probably. that's the bad news (for everyone else).)

meanwhile the VVD would maybe gain some in new elections right now, maybe stay where they are; BBB would shrink a bit (but they're nowhere near those other two in size anyway), and the NSC, crucially, would essentially disappear off the map. this has happened before - something new pops up, dutch voters flock to it in hopes of positive change, nothing really changes and they all flock to the next newest thing/return to more well-known lettersoup acronyms - and it will probably happen again. many NSC voters came from the CDA, the christian democrats, a conservative but centrist party. the CDA had an extremely deep low point in the last elections (omtzigt, who started the NSC, came from CDA, and a lot of CDA voters had also hopped over to BBB already. CDA used to be big, but this was a gradual process of erosion over many elections), and came out with only 5 seats, but they're still a well-known name and i (and current polls) expect them to do much better this time. many former NSC voters will probably go back to CDA. which could be good? at the very least, the CDA is established and, like, knows who they are.

but! i also honestly think the NSC looked more left-leaning to many voters than it was, due to omtzigt's reputation as Man Who Stands Up For The Little Guy (there's a particular political scandal around welfare benefits he had a hand in uncovering that earned him this reputation, which gained him a lot of goodwill. but i think what he really stood for is transparency, not progressive social politics), so who knows, a few of those NSC votes could land left of center, IF the left plays their cards right.

and, okay, the left. there are plenty of parties on the left, of many types, but the most interesting development and by far the biggest and most relevant player on the left right now is the GL-PvdA united left. GL (groenlinks) is the green left, which is what you would expect it to be, and they've never been huge nationally but they're growing. this is where my vote usually lands. PvdA is the labour party, and they have a very long history and traditionally used to draw in a major share of votes (we had a PvdA prime minister when i was born. take me back), but in the last two elections which they took part in on their own they did very badly (like, they lost 29 seats between 2012 and 2017, and then never gained any since, leaving them in single digits. because, and this is a fun one, they were in a deeply ill-advised coalition with the VVD, and none of their voters liked that), and then in 2023 GL and PvdA (both small but present, and neither of them actually tiny) joined forces, and lured frans timmermans back from european politics. he was already a well-known face, and he's strong in this position and i like him and he's saying the right things (we have to stop moving to the right - we have to make center parties want to lean into the left instead), though it does have to be said that he's not very exciting. in an ideal situation, some fresh young face would suddenly rise up through the ranks in one of these parties, but until that happens timmermans will do - and these two parties together DID pull votes in the last election. polls currently have them growing a bit, keeping ahead of the VVD even. because, okay. numbers.

there are currently 15 different parties with at least one seat in parliament (de tweede kamer. which only has 150 seats), and that's not counting parties that were on the voting ticket but didn't make the cut (enough votes for at least 1 seat. so, the lowest cut-off point possible without chopping people in half), so there's plenty to choose! the PVV may be the largest right now, but they still have only 37 seats out of 150 total, which is a fuckton (and 20 more than they had pre-2023) but also, importantly, still MILES from achieving a majority and letting them just fuck around and do whatever they want. that's what wilders would want, obviously, but it's just not how dutch politics works, because there has never been a government in my lifetime (or my dad's, for that matter) that wasn't a complicated union of at least two, far more typically three or four different parties in order to actually get the seats for a majority in parliament. this is a good thing! one could argue there are currently far too many tiny parties active in the dutch political landscape, and one would not be entirely wrong, but i would still rather have this splintering than a consolidation into a political system with only two real options (i'm not naming any names, US americans, don't worry).

so in actual numbers: out of the 150 total the VVD holds 24 seats currently, NSC 20, and BBB 7. (before the PVV left, the coalition had 88 seats total, with the remaining 62 split across 11 opposition parties.) but in between the right-wing PVV and VVD, there's GL-PvdA, who received the second largest share of votes and therefore seats, at 25. note that they beat the VVD with this! this was a growth of 8 seats versus GL and PvdA results counted up (because they were still operating independently then) in the elections prior to the last. they were never going to join talks with the PVV (this is ALSO a good thing), for so many reasons, but they are there! these 25 seats were a victory in their own right! D66 is a centrist party that's in fifth spot with 9 seats. the socialist party SP has 5 seats (which may not sound like much, and it isn't, but it's still 5 clearly left wing people in parliament), the PvdD (party for animals), initially a single-issue animal rights party but now a broader, general left and ecological party, has 3 seats. VOLT is a (center-?)left pro-EU party with 2 seats (note that being far right in europe essentially always means being anti-EU). it's hard to say how many seats all left-wing parties hold if you count them up because it's hard to say which parties are the left wing once you get into the weeds (DENK has 2 seats and is pro immigrant minority rights! but terrible on LGBTQ issues), but it's not nothing, and once again, there is so!!! much!!! to choose from!!!

people just need to, like. stop voting against their own interests because some guy yelled the loudest and made the most impossible but pretty claims.

so, in summary: PVV bad. PVV hoping for more growth, but unlikely to get it, which may put them back in opposition seats, which also could be right where they want to be, but at the very least that would mean we wouldn't have the PVV governing the country. it would probably be tough to get a majority government that's entirely left-wing, so i wouldn't hope for that, but the left may do okay in the next elections and GL-PvdA will hopefully remain at least in the top 3 largest parties. the VVD is around, trying to figure things out. there is still, in the middle of all this splintering and shifting towards extremes, something of a political center, which is also good. there are so many parties with so much to lose and often such different interests that the election may be held in late october of 2025, but it would not surprise me (or probably anyone) in the least if we only had an actual new government in summer of 2026 at the earliest.

or an even shorter summary: things bad; things could be worse; i will stubbornly continue to hope for them not to be. fingers crossed emoji, fingers crossed emoji, fingers crossed emoji ten more times.

-

a few of the most recent developments because i took so long to get this posted: yeşilgöz announced yesterday that the VVD wouldn't consider working with the PVV again because they were "irresponsible" and "unreliable" from day one. fork found in kitchen, but sometimes it takes two years and a doomed coalition to remember what a fork is, i guess. (sunnier take: at least now we know, and if the VVD sticks to its guns on this, there's a high chance it would get nigh impossible for the PVV to drum up a feasible majority coalition, unless something very weird happens. there are unlikely to be a lot of other big players on the right (especially if the NSC melts like cotton candy being washed by a raccoon), and overall this would point towards a center-right coalition at worst, or possibly something much weirder (left-right cooperation? historically bad for the left, so that's scary, but who knows).)

meanwhile, the remaining coalition parties are squabbling over who gets to fill the empty ministerial seat on immigration (left behind when the PVV exited - all of their ministers left, so those ministries need temporary heads), because all three of them want to be the ones who get to say they're Tough On Immigration, and they're Taking Charge, etcetera. they wouldn't even really have to solve any of the current problems because this cabinet is just sitting it out until there's a new one after the next elections. it's win-win!

also meanwhile (and as an example of why we do need someone in charge, even if just so the press has someone to point their mics at and ask questions), a group of random civilians wearing reflective vests has been flagging down cars along the dutch-german border as "border patrol" (against "illegal" immigrants), which is, of course, a totally normal and chill and not at ALL deeply scary and dangerous thing to be doing, if you are a random person with zero authority whatsoever. wilders is delighted. these people were conducting their checks on the german side of the border at first, until they stopped a car that had german police in it, and the german police went hey! what the fuck! and sent them, in a deeply ironic twist, back over the border where they came from. this would be funny if any of this were funny.

[fictionobsession]

devotion

Pairing: Alastor x f!Reader

Summary: She would give anything for him.

Word Count: 1,997

Warnings: blood, canon typical violence, Alastor being psychotic

A/N: okay friends, first time writing for Al. this was not beta'd or really edited at all so if something seems weird just... assume I meant to fix it. also, this was written as a QPR, but there's a little feelings on reader's side if you squint. I'm not 100% on how in character this is for Alastor, but we tried and that's what matters right

---

She plopped onto the shitty couch and pulled her knees to her chest, looking around the shitty house where they'd been hiding out in the middle of this shitty swamp for the last two shitty weeks. The wallpaper was peeling and yellowed, the floors covered in mold and mildew, the running water only worked half the time, and, more importantly, the refrigerator was empty as of six nights prior. Her stomach rumbled just thinking about a nice juicy cut. She sighed, closing her eyes and allowing herself to sink into the daydream of food.

She knew when she'd gotten into this hobby with Alastor that there was a non-zero chance she would wind up on the run someday. She just wished they could have put it off a bit longer, had a bit more fun. She laid her head back against the rotting couch until she heard the creak of the floor near the front door.

Her eyes snapped open and her brows furrowed as she took in Alastor's hunting attire.

“Al, where do you think you're going?”

“Well, my dear, unless you feel like us both starving to death in this dismal abode, I thought I'd better go get some food.”

“Alastor. You know we've heard the dogs nearby. You can't possibly go out there without getting caught, at least until we've had a couple days where we haven't heard 'em.”

“Again, starving is not on my agenda, so we don't particularly have another choice.”

Another choice. Her face hardens as she realizes what another option might be. She stood up and crossed the room, grabbing Alastor's arm before he could open the door. “There is a way for us to make it out of this without you leaving. Or rather, a way for one of us to make it out of this.”

He hummed, and she could see the wheels turning as he put together what she was implying. “I'm not sacrificing myself for you to get away, you know.”

“I know. That's why I'm just asking you to get it over with quickly. You'll get more time, and I – well, I'll at least get to go out on my own terms. If I have to go, at least it'll be for you.”

His eyes widened just a bit, more reaction than she'd usually get, before he shrugged. “Okay. Painless it is. Not usually my style, but I think I can figure it out.”

She laughed, a genuine, full laugh. “I know, Al, and that's why we've worked out so well. But I think you could at least do that much for me.”

He pulled his hunting knife from where he had already slid it into his belt. “Are you ready?”

And with one nod, everything went black.

-

It seemed instantaneous, appearing in hell. She looked around, taking in the chaos around her. Literal dumpster fires, public sex, casual street murders, Hell had it all. Of course, arriving in Hell wasn't a surprise for her. You don't kill that many people and expect to get into Heaven. She wasn't even sure she had believed in the whole afterlife thing until she was experiencing it. She shrugged it off, finding the closest place with a mirror she could use for free.

Her body was... different, certainly. But intact, and honestly, she was quite happy with it. Given the various types of demons she'd seen just in her brief time there, it could've been a lot worse. She wandered, putting together a plan of action for getting herself set up in Hell. It seemed she would need income to make most things happen, which made finding a job a top priority. She also needed a place to sleep, as it seemed unsafe at best to stay on the streets.

She got a job fairly quickly at Ozzie's, though she wasn't thrilled with the outfit they made her wear for the whole thing. But it was money, and easy work, so she stuck with it. Asmodeus offered her a fairly decent rate on rent nearby, as well, so she could have done worse.

Shortly after getting settled, she started feeling pressure on her body in random locations and at seemingly random times, almost like someone was grabbing or poking her to get her attention. Occasionally she'd get hot spots, which she at first attributed to it being hot in Hell. Little scrapes and cuts would appear sometimes as well, but they always healed up quickly. It wasn't until the final time it happened that she realized what had been happening over the past few weeks.

A perfect bite imprint appeared on her forearm, accompanied by a sharp pain, and she realized it must have been an effect of Alastor in the living world. She traced her finger over the mark, which had healed into almost a scar, but not quite. It was a bit pink, but wasn't angry and fresh. She smiled a little to herself, happy that her sacrifice hadn't been in vain.

As time went on, she found herself tracing the mark when she was feeling stressed, upset, or particularly lonely. It never healed all the way, making it always a bit sensitive to touch, and served as a reminder of why she was here. The mark always made her feel closer to Al, which brought a little comfort when things got crazy.

She had managed to stay within the same few blocks that she knew were heavily policed by Asmodeus's people. However, six months into her stay in Hell, she finally had to leave her little neighborhood to buy some things for the bar. She packed her gun, a knife, and made sure she was dressed inconspicuously – the rumors about the surrounding areas were very...detailed...about what might happen to someone who ended up on the wrong side of a fight.

Unfortunately, her preparation didn't keep her from getting spotted by some Sharks outside the store as she started back toward her apartment. She tried to hurry, sliding between demons and other sinners, before slipping down an alley to attempt to lose her tail. It was too late by the time she realized it was a dead end, and the Sharks started cutting off her only entrance.

She took one step, two, keeping them in her sight until her back hit the brick wall behind her. Her hand reached for her gun, ready to pull it when the lead Shark got close enough. Their glares were paralyzing, and she could smell the smoke and alcohol on them at that distance. She felt herself start to shake, taking a deep breath to steady herself before -

“You wouldn't want people to think you're picking on those of fairer means would you?” The sound and feeling of static crackled through the air like lightning as a dark shape enveloped the opening to the alleyway. A long, thin shadow ripped through the air, straight through the lead Shark, throwing him against the side of the neighboring building.

Green sparks shone through the seemingly infinite blackness, a pair of what could only be described as antlers growing from the approaching shape. Two more tendrils, picking up the remaining Sharks and tossing them into the air like dolls. She wanted to close her eyes, but couldn't look away from the gore. Sure, she had seen a lot of violence in her time in Hell, but she hadn't seen that level of overkill in quite some time.

As the last of the Sharks fled only to get a tendril through the skull, she pressed herself as far into the corner as possible, sliding down the wall and pulling her knees to her chest. There was only the hope that the demon forgot she existed, and the knowledge that if he hadn't, she would likely be next up for second death.

The shadow approached, darkness fading as he got closer until finally it revealed a man. A tall man, with horns, but just a man, nonetheless. He was straightening out his red coat, and twirling something around in his hands as he approached. “Always good to have an excuse to let off a little steam. Always good.”

He put a hand out to help her up. As she lifted herself off the ground, he was already vaguely shaking her hand, introducing himself. “Name's Alastor, pleasure to meet you. Quite a pleasure.”

His name hit her ears about the time he caught a glimpse of her bite, and both stopped dead in the middle of introductions. She looked up, eyes widening as she realized that yes, that was a microphone, and yes, in fact, it had been quite a while since she'd seen that level of overkill, one could even say since her living days. He looked different now, sure, but as soon as she looked into his eyes, she knew that was her Al.

“Well maybe don't wait so long to come save my ass next time, eh, Al?” She smirked up at him, waiting for him to process what was happening. His nails traced the pattern of his own bite on her arm. She caught sight of his tongue tracing across his teeth, as if he was just then realizing how different they'd really become. “I bet your imprint looks a bit different now, doesn't it?” She spoke more to herself than to him as she reached to pull her sleeve down over the mark.

“Why, I should hope so, my dear. I should very much hope so. Let's see just how much it's changed then!” Without any more warning than that, he pulled her arm to his mouth and bit, hard. The new mark bled, sure, but it healed up more quickly than it probably should have, covering his old impression with his new one. His ears twitched subconsciously, his ever-present smile nearly faltering as he watched the blood drip, drip, drip down her arm. He shook himself out of whatever thoughts were distracting him rather quickly before acting like no time had passed at all since they'd been together last. “Now, I don't think I should leave you alone again. It seems to me that you still can't stay out of trouble, my dear! Come along, let me show you where I've been staying!”

“But – Hang on! Al! I've got to go to work!”

“Ah, there'll be no more need of that anymore. We'll send a notice to... whoever you're working for when you get settled.” He raised an eyebrow, practically daring her to argue. She knew, though, that she'd never gone against what he'd wanted before, and she didn't particularly want to start now. She took the elbow he'd offered her and allowed him to lead her out of the alley.

Occasionally, as they walked, she would catch sight of a shadow that seemed to be following them.

“Oh, don't mind them. They're just keeping an eye on your wellbeing. You better get used to it! Having a friend like me, why, other overlords will just be dying to get their hands on you!”

She scoffed, a look of adoration crossing her features before she tactfully replaced it with annoyance. “I'm not going to get any rest now, am I?”

“Oh contraire, ma cherie! You're going to get everything you've ever wanted and deserved. I owe you that after what you did for me up there, wouldn't you say?”

“Oh I just can't wait to show you Cannibaltown! You've got to meet Rosie, yes. You'll get along very well, very well indeed. And she makes the most delectable little treats! Maybe we'll go by tomorrow.”

As he continued rambling, she hummed approval when appropriate, watching him out of the corner of her eye with a mix of caution and longing. As he led her down streets she'd never seen before, she realized maybe this was all her afterlife had needed after all.

[vulpixisananimal]

[A: 4 C: 75]

[Warning, graphic violence.]

(Ramos) [Alex] {Nihil} |Jasmine| <Altiare>

"Oh you're such a flirt, my big Red Giant~"

[Loops teasing voice echoed down the street as you, they, and Isabeau walked home together.]

[Tonight was a rare moment of tranquility in your chaotic life. Loop led you and Isa to a secluded part of the city by the lake to stargaze. Loop was able to tell most of the stars apart, and was able to remember many of the constellations.]

"Dawww I just can't help it with you guys!" [Isabeau responded; his fun, silly self.] "I just wanna lean down and kiss you right now."

"Do it then, big guy." [You comment. Keeping your eyes ahead.]

"M-maybe I will- whUH-"

[You didn't need to turn to see Loop pull him down by the shirt to kiss him first. Heh, cute.]

[You do, however, turn so you can properly roll your eyes.] "Will I need to sleep somewhere else again tonight?"

"Oh like you’d be complaining~" [Loop giggled while Isabeau recovered from the effects of public affection.] “I’m sure Madame has plenty of room in her bed for you~”

"At least I have tact!" [You huff, then turn back around. Then do a double take.]

[It’s late, and you haven’t seen many people around at all. But there’s a stranger in a grey cloak a few meters down the street looking away from you.]

“. . . Eeeeverything alright?” [Isabeau asks, glancing behind him.] 

“. . . Yeah.” [You turn back and continue down the street.] “C’mon, I’d like to get at least some sleep tonight.”

[The three of you walk home a bit faster. You swear you’ve seen that stranger before. Was he following you? Maybe, but. . . No, probably not. You’re just tired and anxious. Chances are he’s some fan, or some poor mind controlled spy sent by Perci.]

[What were the Monets doing, anyways? As much as you loath to admit it, Perci was right about the sadness thing, well, things plural, in retrospect. A door to an old antique shop opens a few meters ahead of you--]

[Oh Speak of the void and he FUCKING appears!!!]

"Blinding-"

"Oh! Great!"

[Perci and Merlon stepped out of the antique shop laughing and joking to each other. They pause in the middle of the street, with Merlon leaning down and kissing Perci. And then, Merlon sees you. You start walking forward, faster, angrier.]

[That BITCH.]

"A-ah!!" [Perci turns to you.] "Alex! Loop! Isabeau! How are my favorite little saviors doing~?"

[You stop a few feet away, and try to make pulling a pen out of a pocket intimidating, Loop and Isabeau at your side.] "Better, if you weren't here."

"Ahaha, I can imagine." [Perci grumbled.] "So! Loop, have you all reconsidered my offer yet? Just one handshake and I could be out of your life!"

"Oh like that'll ever be an option~" [Loop giggles.] "You’re as trustworthy as a snake, Perci! And Merlon, you seem alright but you have terrible taste in men."

"I assure you I do not." [Merlon scowled.] 

"Listen, I know we haven't exactly gotten along, and usually I'd want to fix that, but. . ." [Isabeau crossed his arms.] "But you’re being obsessive! Siffrin told you no and that’s that!!!”

“I’m not being obsessive!!!” [Perci retorted.] “If anything I am deeply frustrated at your refusal to even listen to me!!!”

“Oh We’ve been listening alright.” [Loop puts a hand in front of their mouth.] “It’s just that we decided annoying you bears more fruit~”

"You ignorant-!" [Perci started to draw his blades, but hesitated when they were halfway unsheathed.] “. . .”

“. . . Cici?” [Merlon puts a hand on his shoulder.]

“No. We don’t need to fight. There’s no time limit to our negotiations, after all.” [He huffs, and sheathes his swords.] “I know you’re itching to try our plan, Mimi, but could you wait just a bit longer? Please?”

[Merlon pauses, and looks back to the three of you. They sigh.] “I, I will try, my love. For you-”

(Home and Return; Godnight sleep of imprisoning nightmares. Final rest of wickedness.)

[The thought boomed in your mind. It was, what, a book title? Or maybe a-]

[Perci dropped to the ground.]

"P-Perci?!?" [Merlon knelt at his side, eyes wild.] "What, how, what is-"

[You look confused to your two companions. Isabeau shrugged, Loop rolled an eye.]

“Sir Percival!!!” [From behind you, that stranger rushed past you, putting himself between you and the Monets.] “Perci- YOU!! You’re the one who abducted him!!!”

"W-what?!?" [Merlon's head snapped to glare at the newcomer.] "W-what, what do you- YOU!"

"I know you've been using Sir Percival for your, your schemes!!" [Said the stranger.] "I'm here to save him!!!"

(Hello, Perci.)

[That thought came from the stranger. You felt a familiar wave of fear from Perci as he lay on the ground. You could feel him struggling, feel his heart beat faster than a rabbit.]

(What- Y-you try to get up. H-how, how did, you, find, ah-)

(Ah? Did you forget your manners while on your little escapade? No matter, you'll relearn your place in due time.)

"Save him?" [Isabeau asks.] "Wait, you’re saying Merlon’s been using him?"

"Y-yes!! I've been looking for him for years!!" [The stranger turned to you, his face a painting of agony.] "Oh the saviors, t-thank you I, I-I'm sure I can take it from here, but. . ."

[You look at Loop and Isa again. What were they thinking. . ?]

(Why did Perci just collapse?!? You lower your fists, Something seems wrong.)

[Well, that seems wildly out of character! You glance at Alex. Don’t you agree~?]

[You smirk. Loop couldn’t hear your thoughts back, but a smirk could get the message across. Looking back at the scene in front of you, Merlons eyes were devoured with rage, and the stranger looked far too confident. You focus back on the conversation.]

(I must say, it was such a disappointment, seeing your absence. You had the makings of a great leader, and yet you threw it all away, and for what? An outsider? A forgotten? A sheep? You could do so much better than her, you know, you could have any man or woman in the country! If only you just listened to my lectures. . . You should be ashamed of yourself, Percival, truly ashamed.)

(FUCK. YOU. DO NOT-)

(Oh? Have you regrown your tongue? I'll make sure to fix that before we get back. I'm certain all the tools are still in place, perfect for if you keep up your disobedience. What should we start with, Percival? Another finger, perhaps?)

[You wince, hand to your head as- (NONONONO PLEASE ANYTHING BUT-) -Percis thoughts scream- (HURTS RIPPING TEARING BURNING-) -into your own hea- (YOU CAN'T MOVE YOU NEED-) -stars ABOVE!!]

"LIAR!!!" [Merlon shouts, standing up, light crackling at their fingertips.] "You are no friend to him!!"

[You focus on Perci and the stranger more; ignoring the auditory conversation.]

(You're only making this harder on yourself, you know. There is no one to hear you scream here, just you, and me; but you should know that by now. Don’t worry, you and I both know how good I am at correcting troublesome little things like you.)

(J-just, don't touch Merlon please, p-please you, please-)

"Saviors, I-I" [The stranger turned back to Merlon.] "I don't want to ask this of you, but, i-if you could, help. . ."

[Perci catches your eye. He's staring at you, pleading with just a glance. He knows you can hear him, if anyone was going to try and save him, it would be you. Your grip was tightening on your pen, twisting the hidden switch to extend the blade.]

(Why would I spare the one who led you astray? Ah, but I'm nothing but merciful. I'll give her a quick and clean death, if that's what you desire.)

(N-NO!! NO NO NO!!! You, you get, a hand, up, onto, onto your, hands and knees, you, n-need to-)

(Difficult as always, I see. No matter, I will properly deal with you once I'm done with your companion here. And just because of you, I’ll make it a slow and agonizing execution.)

[His pleading echoed through your head. You couldn't take it any more, you ran forward and extended your paper sign, [PAGE TURNER!!]]

"!!!!"

"A-AL?!?"

"!?!?!?"

[You stabbed the stranger in the hand, and took the chance to kick him to the side.]

"Wh, what are you doing?!?!?" [The stranger looked pained. (Is she stupid? In their eyes you're trying to help them!)] "I swear I'm not lying to you!"

[Drop the act. You stand there, unmoving, as the stranger stands up. Drop. It.]

(Ha! What, do they think you're a mind reader like Percival? Well you are, but it is an idiotic thing for a bug to assume! No, they’re taking a wild guess and hoping you expose yourself.) "I'm, just trying to-"

[It's not a guess.]

[The stranger looked shocked. (. . . How. HOW?!?!? This isn't some craft for a bug like you! It’s ours and ours ALONE!!! How do you-)]

[Beginners luck.] "And stop trying to act all snobby."

"Oh good strike, Alex!" [Loop walked forward, chuckling.] "So! Mind filling us in~?"

"This person did something to Perci," [you respond as Isabeau joins your side too.] "Whatever it was, it terrifies him greatly."

[(T-thank you. . .) You hear Perci, he sounds weak.]

"I-I, I, you-" [The stranger starts.]

"Oh I knew something was off." [Loop interrupted, twirling their dagger.] "But would Perci being dragged away really be that bad?"

"Don't." [Merlon's voice w- (NONONOPLEASENOPLEAS) -STARS Perci calm down!!!]

"I. . ." [You glance at Loop, then to Perci.] ". . . We might be enemies, but that’s no excuse not to be kind, right?"

"Yeah, I don't like Perci, but," [Isabeau glanced at your two antagonists, then back to the stranger.] ". . We can't just stand and watch!"

"Are you mad?!?" [The stranger yells, before shaking his head, regaining composure.] "Perci has done nothing but harm! He is a thief, a liar, and a crook! I'm trying to help you! Is that so bad?!?"

"Tools still in place? Correcting troublesome things? No one to hear you scream?!?" [You spit at him.] "I hate Perci with every part of my soul, but I've seen what his mental self-image looks like, I’ve felt his panicked flashbacks. Are you saying you did that?!?"

"I-I, no! I-" [(Well you did, but they don't need to know that.) The stranger said and thought.]

"You did." [You gripped your pen, angry.] "You did, you blinding monster."

"Change. . ." [Isabeau grits his teeth and takes a fighting stance.] ". . . Okay, yeah, I've made up my mind. We're fighting now."

“Ugh.” [Loop shakes their head then gets low to the ground, ready to dash in.] “I hate that you’re making me care about him!! Fine, I’ll take the anger out on this lovely stranger then~”

[The stranger scowls at you, finally dropping the act- (You’ve made a mistake, little bug.) -STARS, focus. He reaches up and tosses the grey cloak he wore to the side, revealing a pristine, and familiar, uniform.] “Stupid little stick-eaters, all of you! Why did I even consider trying to get you brain dead nobodies to help me. A little lady bug, a faceless disgrace of a man, and a weak forgotten little sheep!! How disgusting!!”

“Two sheep.” [Merlon steps up a few feet to your side.] “One of them is dipped in the blood of your betters. You will be no different.”

“HA!” [The stranger stands to his full height, drawing a menacing sickle from his belt.] “I, Sir Gornemant the Enlightened, will strike you down and make you beg for my forgiveness!.”

[He ran at you and waved a paper sign, in an instant three duplicates of him were running with him! One at each of you! You had a split second to react, you couldn’t tell which was real! All you could do was avoid the sickle slice going for your throat.]

[The attack passes right through you. You hear a yelp, Loop caught the real stranger's sickle with their arm. Isabeau moved in and swiped at the stranger, who jumped back, and dodged to the side again as Merlon snapped their fingers.]

[Gornemant wasted no time, running in low against you next, you moved to dodge his swipes, but they were relentless, one after another af- (###############!!!!) -SSTARS--]

[The stranger SCREAMED inside your head with an incomprehensible sound!! Completely knocking you off focus. You felt a slash across your chest--]

<You tag in. The stranger jumped back fast enough to block Isabeaus' crafted attack- (My! More than one of you in there? I’m surprised you’re even allowed outside at all!!) -What is THAT supposed to mean!!>

<Loop slashed at the stranger, metal clashing on metal- (It means exactly that~ Broken things should be fixed before being used.) -What a nasty piece of work. With a flick of your wrist your deck was in your hand. You want to play? Then let’s play.>

<You throw your cards, sharp enough to cut the cheek of the stranger- (Cute party trick.) -Who moves around Merlons next snapping of fingers, dashing in and catching her arm with the sickle- (I wonder who I should kill first.)>

<You’re not going to kill anybody. Loop snaps their fingers, making you all faster, and Isabeau cheered you on, raising all your stats. Perfect.> “A rock move, Merlon?” <You ask as you use [Raise]>

<She must trust you, because the next explosion is exactly that. Gornemant dodges easily and rushes at Isabeau, bypassing his defenses with a slash and- (########-)- NO. Not. Listening. Tune it out!>

“S-stars. . .” <Loop slashed at Gornemant, protecting Isabeau.> 

“Hold fast, Stargazer.” <Merlon encouraged.> “These fools bleed like any other.”

“Easy for you to say.” <Isabeau grumbled, nursing a wound.> “Plans, anyone?”

“Oh, I have a plan~” <You grin. Your signature skills played with the jackpot meter, [Fold] cleared it and healed everyone, [Raise] skipped your turn but made the next jackpot stronger, and [All In!] would trigger a jackpot. And with three rocks and two scissors, you were [All in!]>

<You drew five cards from your deck that made a full house! You rushed in fanning the cards at the enemy as Isabeau closed the distance and swept his legs. The stranger moved from Isabeau but got caught by your flurry of cards. An explosion flew him into the waiting dagger of Loop. They swiped three times at him, and grinned as he fell to the ground.>

“HA! AHAHAHAHA!!!” <Loop was laughing like a maniac.> “A SHEEP?!?!? I’M A SHEEP, RIGHT?!?!? AND YET I’M THE ONE THROWING YOU AROUND LIKE A TOY!!!!”

“Loop, I’d step back-” <Isabeau starts, but before anyone can react the stranger jumps up and grabs Loops neck.>

“NO!!!” <Isabeau yelled and ran at them. Neither Loop nor the stranger said a word until Isabeau shoulder tackled the stranger down. Loop stumbled back, but you held them up.>

“Loop, Loop talk to me!” <You shook them lightly.> 

“. . .” <Loops head snapped to you, eye wide and fearful. You felt a cold presence wash over you, you had to act fast! You grab them by the neck and project your will.>

“A-alex!!” <Isabeau was between you and Gornemant.> “What’s going on?!?”

<You force your way into the nerves, through the spine, up the brain, into the deepest mind. You could feel the sea breeze, close enough. You FORCE your craft into them, the smell of mint washing over the two of you. You felt the mind craft of that killer, it was powerful, much more powerful than yours.>

“Stay sharp. Move, fighter” <Merlon ordered. They snapped their fingers as Isabeau moved back. The ground under the stranger exploded, and this time He was too slow.>

<The stranger landed with a thud, before scrambling to a knee. His leg is twisted, pointing the wrong way.> “. . . You, you insolent dogs!!! You mutts, you should all be put down and your corpses strung up for all to see!!!”

<You flood the sand dunes with plants, a rushed effort to expel Gornemants mind craft. You glare at him.> “And, you’re supposed to be the good guy? Just give up already.” <Beads of sweat ran down your head, but you could feel Siffrin coming to front now.>

“Like I would ever surrender to the dirt under my heel!” <He wipes the blood from his mouth and tries to stand up, only to fall again.> “No, no less than dirt!!! Dirt at least knows to stay where it’s TOLD!!! Dirt could become something BETTER!!!”

“Your leg is broken.” <Merlon stood in front of him.> “You already lost.”

“Ha. Ha, hahahahaHHAHAHAHAA!!!” <The stranger grins, bleeding from the mouth.> “Not yet I haven’t.”

(Shattering Glass Stained Skies.)

(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--------)

<You grip your head in agony. It felt like someone was using your head as the clapper of a giant bell!!!! That scream, that scream where was- P-perci?!?!? Perci was--- >

“S-STOP!! THAT!!!” You scream. Your skull was being split open by the sound. You felt secondhand pain, fear, horror. “HE’S, PERCI, HE’S SCREAMING!!!”

“H-he is?!?” Isabeau asks, turning to look at the collapsed scholar. “Wha, how-”

“You.” Merlon stepped forward. “Stop it, NOW!”

“I don’t take orders from sheep!” Gornemant smiles. “If he stays like that much longer, he’ll go mad~ So Beg.”

“I. . .” [Merlon stops.] “. . .”

“M-merlon.” [Siffrin mumbles.] “Don’t-”

[They’re cut off by Merlon, who moves down to her knees, and rests their head on the ground.] “. . . Please.”

[Sir Gornemant stood up, and raised the sickle.] “. . . . . No.”

“N-NO!!!” 

“WAIT!!!”

“MERLON!!!”

[The stranger's sickle strikes down.]

[And then there’s a sound like lightning in a bottle.]

[There’s a blinding flash of light, you have to cover your eyes. But, eventually it clears, and when you look up, you see the sickle in Merlons shoulder. Your eyes trail up the blood stained cloak, up Merlon's outstretched arm, all the way to their hand. Their pinkie and ring fingers curled in, the middle and index fingers held out forward, and the thumb sticking out straight. It was like she was pointing at something with two fingers-]

“O-oh, oh stars above--”

“Holy, h-holy crab.”

[They were, pointing, at, Gornemants head. There was blood, dripping from his chin.]

[And a hole clear through his brain.]

[The stranger fell over, dead, the screaming stopped. Merlon lowers their hand, panting.]

[After a moment to catch his breath, Siffrin walked over to Merlon and crouched down.] “. . . A-are, you alright?”

“Just, one moment, Stargazer.” [She was breathing steady, yet shakey.] “And, I should be asking you, that question.”

[Your mind was already racing. Someone’s dead. Someone you were fighting just died. Merlon just killed him. They killed him with one craft, right through the brain. You could still smell the sugar, feel the crackling energy in the air.]

“We just killed someone.” [Isabeau murmurs next to you.] “We just, w-we just. . .”

“No.” [Merlon stands.] “You didn’t. You didn’t kill him, I did. I did it, and only me.”

“But-”

“I am your enemy, your antagonist, your villain. Of course I wouldn’t spare the life of anyone, even if death is a mercy compared to what he deserves.”

[You all are silent.]

“. . . He was. . .” [They paused, then shook their head.]  “An old. . . Stalker. It’s not my place to give details.”

“. . .” [Siffrin stood next to Merlon, after a bit of hesitation, they put a hand on her arm.] “. . . I-if, if you guys ever want to talk about it, then. . .”

[You all were silent. The weight of a long forgotten grudge echoed from Merlons psyche onto you. You looked up to the stars and started counting them; not letting your mind wander to her private business.]

“. . . So,what now?” [Isabeau asks.] “I, I don’t know how to hide a body, or. . .”

[Merlon nods, then raises a palm. You smelt sugar. Strong, strong sugar. They waved their hand, and the body disappeared in sparks of light. You saw Siffrin flinch, pulling their hand away.]

[Siffrin shook his head, and looked up to Merlon.] “S-stars. . . What was. . . What’d you do?”

[Merlon glanced down at him.] “I transported him back to his home as a warning- PERCI!!!”

[In a flash, Merlon ran past you all and knelt at the side of their beloved. She reached out, and gently put a hand on Perci’s cheek. She was muttering something softly, you and the others walked a bit closer.]

“I’m here, I’m real, you’re real, I’m here with you, okay? I’m here, it’s okay. You’re safe.” [She spoke so softly to him, like one would to a wounded animal. Eventually, Perci grabbed their arm, and half dragged himself and was half pulled onto her lap. He buried his face in her robes, arms tight around them.]

[Merlon gently patted his hair.] “It’s alright, you’re alright, little bunny, I’m here. I promise you’re okay.”

[There was a mumbled response from Perci, which made Merlon smile. They picked him up easily and held him close.] “He’s gone, I’m still here, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, I promise.”

“. . . . . . . .” [Okay that was enough of a pause.] “. . . Little bunny?”

[Merlon flinches, before looking at the three of you with an embarrassed blush on their face.] “A-ah, well, it’s, ah, i-ignore that.”

“Nope! No chance.” [Isabeau chuckled then elbowed Siffrins side.] “I wonder if he acts like a bunny just for them.”

“Isabeau please!” [You knew that tone, uhoh.] “That talks not warren-ted!”

“HAHA! HA!!!”

“PFF- HAH!”

[You grinned, Merlon was clearly trying to hide in her cloak, but both arms were taken up with their little rabbit. You shook your head and walked over.] “. . . Y’know, Loop’s right. I really hate that I can’t hate you guys.”

“That’s. . . Not a smart thing to say to your enemy.” [Merlon sighed, and stood up, still holding Perci.] “But, I understand the feeling. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” [You grumble, crossing your arms.] “. . . Would it help if I, took a peek in his head?” 

[Percis' reaction was instant. He clung tighter to Merlon, and his fear grew stronger. You step back, message received loud and clear.] “Alright, better question. You guys have any other stalkers?”

“. . . Maybe, but not within a year” [Merlon looked away. Your friends joined you on each side, Isabeau and Siffrin hand in hand.] “They know where we are now, however, so. . . Nevermind.”

“What do they want, anyways.” [Isabeau crossed his arms and started thinking.] “That guy sounded like a self-centered egotistical crab. And that name, enlightened. . .”

“They wanted to hurt my bonded.” [Merlon replied with some venom, before turning and walking away.] “Don't worry, as far as they know, you all are not involved. You’ll be fine.”

[You all started following her.] “And you’re really not going to tell us more than that?”

“No, it’s our burden to bear. Besides, you lot have enough headaches to deal with already, like us.” [They turn to look back.] “Why are you following me?”

“In case there’s another.” [Siffrin pipes up.] “A-and I. . . I dunno, it just, feels like the right thing to do?”

“Herding instinct.” [Merlon giggled.] “It’s alright, I get that a lot. . . The company is, welcome. Even if it lasts just a minute.”

[You sneak a peek at Percival. His thoughts were calm, now, but buried below layers and layers of mental defences. You could only imagine what was going through his head. You all continue on in silence until you reach a well made two story house. Merlon stops before stepping inside.]

“. . . Siffrin.”

“Y-yes?” [He perks up.] 

“Do you miss it?”

“. . . .” [He looks away, staying silent for a minute.] “. . . I do.”

“. . . . . Would you ever want to go home?”

“. . . . . .” [They’re silent for a bit longer now, before looking back.] “I am home.”

“. . . I see.” [Merlon sighs and looks down, then opens the door.] “Stay safe, saviors, for tonight anyways.”

[The door closed with a click.]

[animatedjen]

What's some stuff you're really hoping to see in Jedi 3 (either narratively or gameplay wise)?

Oh I'm so glad you asked this 🙌 Because I have THOUGHTS.

Gonna put everything under the cut so this doesn't clog up the feed with a wall of text (whoops.) Some of these ideas I hope to create concept art for, after I replace/fix my very cranky thirteen-year-old tablet. Anyway let’s start with gameplay!

Gameplay!

Maintaining Cal's abilities: Survivor handled this beautifully by keeping many of the skills learned in Fallen Order, instead of undoing Cal's growth from the first game. I think it'll be trickier to keep this momentum into Jedi 3 (the skill tree has gotten so large!) but story reasons could push Cal towards new types of abilities instead of bloating the current options.

More synergy between the lightsaber stances: I like all the stances in Survivor and it'd be A) disappointing to lose any of them, but B) overwhelming to add MORE combat styles. Being able to flow between the stances more fluidly would be fun though, with specific combos unlocked depending on which two are active together. Now if Merrin lets Cal borrow her knife-staff and he puts his lightsaber on the end... MAGICK SABER PIKE GO.

New or adapted movement mechanics: Maybe the ascension cable is replaced with a force ability (Force Ascend or Force Leap for an extra vertical boost?) or is "upgraded" to connect between two anchors, letting Cal create his own temporary ziplines.

Replayable missions: This could be explained in-game with a Force Tear or Cal's own interactive echoes. But I'd love the option to experience story missions and boss fights again post-game.

Customization!

This is a bonus section because Merrin should get new outfits. Haven't decided how to make it part of gameplay yet, stay tuned.

Cal's cosmetics in Survivor are mostly cool, some just funny, but overall a huge improvement from Fallen Order (yes, even though we miss all the poncho designs). For Jedi 3 I'd love to see more story-centric cosmetics that tie into the communities and people Cal has met along his journey. A Legacy outfit (incorporating pieces from his three Jedi masters), an Anchorite-inspired outfit (with arm tattoos), a bounty hunter outfit (the prize after defeating the Brood), etc. Maybe a Bogling outfit? No not made from Boglings; it looks like a Bogling. Hang on lemme fix my tablet—

Narrative + Gameplay!

Explore Tanalorr: Right now this sparkly, strong-in-the-Force, temple-carved planet is a huge mystery box for Jedi 3. There's a few directions it could go - more High Republic history, another civilization (the Nihil? someone new?) lurking in the shadows, or Force-related secrets hiding below the surface. Each Jedi game has followed Cal's exploration of an ancient culture, and I think Tanalorr can be a focal point in that journey.

Defeat Sorc Tormo and the Haxion Brood: I mentioned this in an ask earlier this week, but I so want a resolution to this fight against the Brood. Especially since roaming bounty hunters would threaten the Hidden Path. Maybe Cal breaks back into Ordo Eris, or hunts down Sorc Tormo on another planet. Maybe there's a Force-only stealth section?? Maybe a big multi-wave boss fight? Maybe Caij is there??? (no she doesn't get an invite to Tanalorr)

Dark Side Force Slow: The fact that Cal's Force Slow ability kept its red-stained aura, even in the Survivor post-game, is great. I love lasting consequences and ludonarrative harmony, yes yes yes. Really hope this isn't fully resolved by the start of Jedi 3 (potential timeskip makes it tricky but whatever) and the ability receives some sort of healing through Cal finding his way out of the darkness.

Narrative!

Timeskip?: I vote no, but I think Jedi 3 will vote yes, likely to age up Kata and allow Tanalorr to be more developed. But that also means Cal and the Mantis Crew goes through character development without us (boo) or remains emotionally stunted until we get there (also boo?). I'm more comfortable with the five year gap between FO and Survivor than I used to be though, despite "missing out" on big character moments, so maybe it'll be okay. Maybe. 👀

The Hidden Path builds a home on Tanalorr: This works until it doesn't, whether from outside pressure or the threat of a spy within. I don't think Bode's fears should necessarily be validated, but I do think the risk will keep Cal on edge and hurt his ability to trust (both others and himself.) It'll drive decisions that strain his relationships and be a source of conflict for part of the game.

The Mantis gets semi-retired and then reinstated: I just love the mental picture of the Mantis parked somewhere cozy and decorated with cloth and lights and a hideout for Kata. It's become too small and high profile to use for gathering the Path, but when the plot gets going, they're gonna need her back in action.

Three main antagonists: The Empire, an unrelated third-party with their own goals (Nihil or someone else), and Cal's own demons. The first two drive the external conflict, the third drives Cal's inner conflict and the story's themes. More on that at the end.

A memorial garden: It's designed by Pili and filled with native Tanalorrian plants and trees, from which the Anchorites hang cords and windchimes and bits of colored glass. Cere's saber was buried beneath the largest tree. Cal plays her hallikset here when he's too troubled to meditate. If we want to be mean, this place gets damaged during a battle in Act 3. If we want to be less mean, this is the place that doesn't get damaged during a battle.

Kata has some sort of student-teacher relationship with Cal: I'm torn on her being Force sensitive: this is a story about Jedi and "guide her through the darkness" is pretty telling given Cal's own darkness at the end of Survivor. But Cal helping Kata (and Kata helping Cal) can happen regardless of her Force sensitivity - it would just look different. This is a soft answer because I'm still exploring ideas around it BUT admittedly the angst levels would be higher if she is sensitive.

A battle against the shadow self: Look this one is cliche. I don't care. I want a huge cavern in the depths of Tanalorr where Cal gets to fight a dark version of himself that switches between all his former enemies. If we're making a video game here let's physically beat up our darkness. Let's have it not work. Let's bring Cal to rock bottom to remind him that he is more than his darkness and he doesn't have to do this alone. Let's go back to that same fight later and then we finally win.

There's more to explore story-wise and I will eventually, but I'm overall not concerned about Jedi 3's narrative. Respawn has been very intentional with their writing of Cal Kestis and the Jedi series so far (despite some last minute changes to Survivor) and I love this character and this story because of all the great work they've created. I really hope they finish this journey the way they want to. That being said—

How should Jedi 3 end? Should Cal die?

No: I'll argue Cal dying at the end of the trilogy completely undermines the entire lesson of Survivor.

Cal wouldn't stop fighting the Empire: The Cal we meet at the beginning of Survivor definitely wouldn't. That Cal also watched countless friends die to that same fight and saw two different Jedi fall to their passions-turned-obsessions that led them to the dark side. He may wrestle with remnant obligation or a bitter apathy, but he's definitely not as single-minded as he was before.

Cal would sacrifice himself to save the Path: Yeah, he probably would. Cere did exactly that during the Siege of Jedha when all else failed. But maybe the Path could be protected without Cal needing to be a Weapon - a lesson Cere also wanted him to learn.

Another way: I think the Koboh abyss (that separates Tanalorr from the rest of the galaxy) could be destroyed. I don't know if Cal would choose to destroy it, but I think the Empire would: if they can't reach Tanalorr it's the next best thing.

Now Cal has to make a choice: Leave (continuing the fight alone) or Stay (shepherding the Path for an unknown future.) It doesn't mean they never find a way back to the known galaxy, but it'll take time. Enough time for a New Hope to appear.

Whatever your opinion of the Sequel Trilogy, the line: "That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate. Saving what we love." is not only a complete thesis of Star Wars, but fits really well with Cal's journey. He's become very good at fighting. He wants to save everyone in Fallen Order, and he can't. He still wants to save everyone in Survivor, and they refuse him. His Fight has made a difference (again, Cere says as much) but it's clear this can't be Cal's final answer.

Choosing to protect the Path, choosing to trust the Force, choosing a home. That's what he's been fighting for. I love Cal Kestis because he isn't the chosen one and he isn't going to save the galaxy. But for his family and his community, he saved their galaxy. It's cheesy but I don't care, and you know Greez and BD would agree with me.

-

Okay this got so, so much longer than I expected. Bonus points if you made it all the way down here haha. I've had a weird assortment of concepts and ideas over the past year but never wrote them down in one place - until now. I've said it before but part of my hyperfixation with the Jedi series is because it isn't finished yet and Survivor ends on such a gut-wrenching cliffhanger. Whatever happens to this series, I'm slowly finding some sort of catharsis through all the edits and photomode shots and half-baked concepts. Thanks for tagging along ✌️

[crownmemes]

Spy Sentences, Vol. 23

(Sentences from various sources for spies and/or secretive muses. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"We need to deal with this before it gets out of hand."

"You thought I was dead, didn't you?"

"You don't do a very good job of hiding your interest."

"Do you have a plan, or are we just improvising here?"

"Don't worry, he's one of us."

"If you plan on exposing me, then my only option will be to kill you."

"I always have the feeling that there's somebody listening who shouldn't be."

"You can't play a player."

"You shouldn't be so clean. It's a dead giveaway that you don't belong, you always being tidy."

"I won't ever tell anybody anything, don't worry."

"Assuming I survive, I shall telephone to let you know."

"Are you forgetting you tried to kill me?"

"How did you know I'd come here?"

"If you really must know, I'm here because I damn well don't trust anybody else!"

"What are you doing here? I never thought for a second that you would be stupid enough to come!"

"I don't care to have my secrets exposed to the world. Can you understand that?"

"Were you spying on me?"

"I hear you've been looking for me. I'm flattered."

"I need you to understand that whatever you think, there is a distinct possibility that he's manipulating you."

"You must never underestimate me, nor I you."

"I've been shot too many times to be scared by a gun."

"I'm just going to come out and say it; I don't trust you. I sure as hell don't want you here."

"Shoot him, but don't kill him."

"Remember when we had that conversation about how you were going to lay low?"

"Secrets are not my concern. Keeping them is."

"We all have our secrets - even me. Especially me."

"Does anyone know you're here?"

"You are not as charming as you think you are."

"Do you have any idea how many enemies I have out there?"

"I didn't plan on going out like this."

"It occurs to me that I don't know the first thing about you."

"You've gone soft. We're going to fix that, for your own benefit."

"It feels good, doesn't it? To fly home having got the bad guy, just like in the movies."

"You gave me an empty gun?"

[stargrillzz]

𝘊𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘦 summary: You knew he was a problem, so maybe this is all your fault. note: They say that you always return to the place where you were happy, and remembering my moments being obsessed with this madman, it's true, I'm back. xoxo

Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago I was in your sights, you got me alone You found me, you found me, you found me

"Sarah, you said it was going to be a private meeting," you reproached your friend, who, with a sigh, took you by the hand, forcibly leading you when she saw that you had stopped walking, "I told you I'm not in the mood for a party". "It's not a party, It's just that...my brother has a lot of friends…" she looks at you "and they love to drink" you looked at her seriously "okey, yeah, maybe it's a party" she looks at you pleadingly "but I promise I won't leave you alone and we'll have a great time, you can't spend a whole weekend at your house for a guy."

"I don't see anything wrong with having a broken heart, okay? He stood me up!" You almost screamed. Turning your back to the front door. "What a stupid asshole, who in their right mind would leave such a pretty girl alone" a manly voice spoke from behind you, you looked at Sarah in shock, you didn't need everyone to know about this tremendous humiliation. You slowly turned and raised your head a little, meeting the one and only Rafe Cameron. "I don't need any more teasing, thank you," you said seriously. "Oh no, that wasn't a joke, it was literal" he sounded serious, even his face was serious "he must have realized that he wasn't up to you" Your face was surprised. "And how do you know that he wasn't on my level?" At this point, Sarah broke her promise, she was no longer after you. "I just know," he thought a little about her response, getting a little closer to your face, as if he were going to tell you a secret, "but I know someone who is."

'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in So shame on me now Flew me to places I'd never been 'Til you put me down, oh

Rafe had this thing, fixing his potholes with material things. And it worked, you always thought it was the way he was used to receiving an apology. Talking things out and expressing his feelings was never an option for him, so now it's not an option for you either. However, he was fine, the way he had with you, you don't know how he did it, but he always managed to somehow make everything… fine, when in reality nothing was. "And I understand that you're busy, Rafe, I really am" he followed your steps "but I would simply like you to dedicate a few moments of your day to me, an hour at least" you opened the door of your car. He analyzes your face, his eyes run over every part of your face, it seems like he's really reading your head, but no… he has no idea. "What do you think of my house in the Bahamas, you and me, alone, for a month?" He brings you closer to him, grabbing your waist. "You will have my attention twenty-four hours a day, love." You wanted to avoid him, but he seemed to be trying, so a small smile escaped your lips. “Well, that sounds exciting.” You didn't even listen well where, you just wanted his time, to be with him. "Oh and it will be" he steals a kiss from you "I'll make sure of that"

No apologies, he'll never see you cry Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why You're drowning

Everything went very fast, maybe you should have slowed down a little. But you really thought it was love. "I don't understand what got into you," he said, annoyed. "I just thought that after the trip you would change a little, you would give me more attention! You ignore me in front of everyone, are you really asking me what got into me?" Your annoyed face was evident. One of the many discussions they have been having. The screen was beginning to transform into a blank noise, everything that at first seemed perfect was collapsing… and you didn't know how to handle it. "I wasn't ignoring you, for God's sake, are you listening to yourself? Stop being so selfish!" You didn't answer, it didn't make sense anymore.

'Cause I knew you were trouble

"Rafe, please, no" you stood in front of him, preventing him from getting any closer to JJ. Your friendship with the pogues was no secret, in fact you knew them before Sarah, Rafe had simply never given that topic so much importance. That definitely changed when he saw you laughing too much, according to him, with your best friend. Maybank. The human being most hated by Cameron. Rafe was definitely not going to stay silent. "What are you defending him from?" He tries to walk past you but you block him again "I'm just going to show him how hurt he's going to end up if he keeps getting close to my girlfriend" Rafe's gaze didn't move from JJ, hatred running through the air. "He's my best friend…" you couldn't finish speaking. "Maybe I should show you how hurt you are going to end up if you keep treating her like trash," the blonde is heard speaking. "JJ, you're not helping…" and it hurt again, you couldn't finish speaking, the hand that was previously touching a hard chest remained suspended in the air. Rafe was going to kill JJ. "God no Rafe!" You couldn't separate them, long story short, everything was followed by more fights with your boyfriend and a full day of nursing with your best friend.

And the saddest fear comes creeping in That you never loved me

[kirkwallguy]

i rly think DA's companions peaked with rivalries lol, like that can create such interesting dynamics, when rivaled these people are still following hawke and you can still romance them, Interesting!! THat's cool! why are they doing that, staying with someone who's disagreed with them the whole time or done things they find objectionable - you get different dialogue in cutscenes too, they react to how you treat them (thinking with Merrill you can just chose to not give her the thing to fix the eluvian and you get a different scene after the quest) You can be mean, you can support them or not and they respond to that, it feels like your choices are affecting the characters around you. (diff game but alistair confronts you about Isolde and if you killed her, the kid, or got help, i'd have loved more of that!! more characters going "hey this was fucked up of you, why???" or "I'm glad you handled this" and then you can talk about it more, the companions having Thoughts on your good or bad behavior and actions and voicing it!) also I think not being able to just chat with the companions was a silly choice, especially with the fact that rook can be a crow or shadow dragon etc, wdym we cant just talk about that with the gang??? ask for their thoughts on it all and they ask for rooks, rook could voice support or question what the group is and what they're doing (kinda like with Wynne and mage warden, you can talk about the circles and voice your dislike or support for them), rook could ask for more information and if they know they could share, or they won't if rook isn't a part of that group and it's all meant to be secret or something - and maybe if you ask again when they have high approval they'll tell you anyway cause they trust you, more opportunities for lore and worldbuilding as well as exploring the characters a little more??

idk im :/ rambling lol, i just really enjoyed how much you could say and do in other games, dav feels limited? And like nothing was perfect in the other games but I feel like there were so many more opportunities to learn about everything and the characters felt so much more involved? I do love that the companions talk to each other at the lighthouse like thats great we get to see those dynamics more outside of party banter!

i LOVE the rivalry dynamic and it really helps with each playthrough feeling unique, a hawke who is besties with merril is so different emotionally to a hawke who rivals merril, and it feels like there's a near-endless number of combos? also being able to push back on companions is something people have been complaining about a LOT in dai and dav, being able to spend the entire game disagreeing with a character and still see their entire story (WITH extra dialogue and sometimes entirely different cutscenes to acknowledge the fact that you don't have a good relationship?) it solves such a fundamental problem with relationships in rpgs and i don't get why it isn't more frequently used lol

and yeah i can understand if they wanted to save money not doing chats in the lighthouse (tbh. the inquisition skyhold dialogue options were just annoying and useless to me especially when you had to exhaust them to trigger certain quests), but it just feels like it creates a distance between you and the companions when they can all have conversations with each other at the lighthouse but you can't speak to them? it just feels like such an important feature for the genre and the only other game in the series that doesn't have it is the one that was made in like a year

[jyae23]

WIP WEDNESDAY 06/18/25

Massive thanks to @thewholelemon and @alexalexinii for today's tags, and everyone else who tagged me for the past few weeks! (I wasn't planning on a WW, but my blog is in dire need of Snowbaz content.)

I covered Baz's face because the hair and collar are the stars of this post.

I experimented with watercolors for the first time since... idk middle school? Things were going great until midway, I freaked out and broke every watercolor rule from the tutorial I was watching. And if that wasn't enough, I thought the exact-o-knife would fix my mistake.

Long story short, Baz has a gaping hole in his face, BUT I have many options to salvage this work and his hair. His hair is wall hanging worthy. I'd hang his hair. Well, I'd hang the rest of him on my wall too. Who wouldn't wanna hang a masterpiece and stare at it all day? Especially with a collar. And his chest. Merlin. Sorry...

Tags, plans, books, and me doing everything else except finishing my WIPS below!!!

COAR

All I can say it that it feels like I've won the lottery and that I AM working on it >:)

1997–2068

Wasn't planning on dropping words, but everyone reminded me about Simon's birthday and I remember writing something that involved his birthday months ago:

The sun casts light upon your headstone through the trees. I smile, brushing my fingers along the warm, etched letters of your name. “Happy Birthday, my love.”

Wow, what the fuck, Jyae? Okay, the next few paragraphs is a wittle sad, so be careful <3 It's just me plotting how to make both my life and Baz's absolutely miserable with 0 comfort. Feel free to skip. The most important part of this post was Baz's hair from above^^

I like the idea of Simon losing his memories all the way back to the beginning of eighth year. I like the idea of Simon forgetting all the moments he spent time with Baz as allies, friends, lovers, and husbands. I like the idea of Simon not recognizing Baz because he aged. I like the idea of Simon fighting to go back to Watford because that's the place he calls home. I like the idea of Simon desperately looking for Baz, despite Baz being right there in front of him, and Baz can't do anything about it.

I want Simon to believe he's the Chosen One again and repeat the events he went through his eighth year. His last year at Watford. His last year full stop. I want Simon to talk about "Baz" in front of the real and older Baz. How he's still missing and the thing with his mother and how he seduced Agatha. "Baz" comes back, and Simon recounts his experiences with him. Things like following him in the Catacombs again, starting a truce, and telling him that "Baz" is the prettiest person who has ever floated like a butterfly while fighting a dragon. We'll have moments where Simon gets to tell older Baz things Simon never got to say and stuff Baz would've never known at Watford.

And then something about Baz realizing that even though Simon lost his memories, Baz was still the center of Simon's life, and that he always loved Baz, even if he never again said it. Or something like that lol idk :D

Simon's Pride Cream Pie

Not sure what possessed me to write a few words underneath this post, in 3rd person too, but I think I'll actually make it into a full fic. Like, why not? I'm already a foot in.

See how we went from Simon dying to cream pies? Yeah, that was on purpose.

Books

Books I Finished This Month:

Wolfsong by TJ Klune

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

The Raven King by Nora Sakavic

Books I'm Currently Reading:

The King's Men by Nora Sakavic (97%)

Vicious by V. E. Schwab (43%)

Books I intend to read this month:

Captive Prince by C. S. Pacat I started it, but with how I said nothing about it , you can tell I haven't gotten that far lol BUT FOR TOXIC™️ PRIDE MONTH, I SHALL FINISH

I don't think I've devoured this many books at the same time EVER. If you tore me apart, I'd ooze nothing but words. If you put your ear against my head, you'll hear nothing but the clash of racquets and exy balls bouncing.

Thank you all who have stuck around as I scream into the void. While I may not be posting about them as much, I'm still thinking about them as always, seeing where they would fit in the current world I'm immersed in—Baz in an exy uniform or Simon as a wolf or Baz and Simon hate fucking—you get the idea. They're a constant in my life and that'll never change. Being able to tag you all is proof of that <3

@bazzydl @rimeswithpurple @lovelettersto-mars @toc-the-scrambled @bachusekart @bookishbroadwayandblind @gonzalesfreecs @catthehappy @facewithoutheart @fiend-for-culture @monbons @the-beard-of-edward-teach @roomwithanopenfire @sleepyphobzz @valeffelees

It's been so long, ik im missing someone...