#so many drawing ideas its UNREAL

[dhmis-autism]

made a terrible awful fluffybird playlist full of songs that are fine on their own but terrible awful if you apply it to this particular couple.

it is ALL ive been listening to since i made it.

[comidyye]

HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO TENDER TREATS !!!

feels cliche to ad-mit But . ..bob is certainly my current faborite character . I mean .A cannibal killer, are you kidding !?!? ...Anyways heres just sum art to celebrate the occasion .! : ))

rants in tags : o))

[pyjamaart]

My entry for the 7th Anniversary Gallery! >:]

[eorzeas-okayest-smn]

shiva..... 2!!!!

[slashmagpie]

Blood & Snow

Pt. I

Directory: {Pt. II} {Pt. III} {Pt. IV} {Pt. V} {Pt. VI} {Pt. VII} {AO3}

Welcome to my @hermithorrorweek fic! I spent a while trying to figure out seven different fic concepts based on the prompt, and kept coming up blank, up until I decided to combine them all and write a single fic, with each prompt being the theme for a different chapter. Blood & Snow is the result, and at the time of posting it is not quite complete, but I'm excited to share it with you nonetheless. I'm hoping to post a chapter once per day, but later chapters may be delayed depending on how long it takes me to get them written. Some of this builds off concepts I played with in some of my earlier Decked Out 2 ficlets, which you can find in my writing tag. TWs for this chapter include: non-consensual body modification*, unreality*, panic attacks

I. GAME MECHANICS

Game design is simple, really.

Well, no, it’s difficult—but the principles behind it are simple. Make it fun. Make it challenging. Make it rewarding. 

Decked Out 2 is a game.

To be more precise, it’s a long-running, deck-building, dungeon-crawling game. It’s competitive. It has rewards—bragging rights, for one. Trophies, for another. If you win, you can get crowns, and buy things to make you more powerful, to make the game more fun. You get frost embers, which are used to build the deck, and—

Clank is Decked Out’s central mechanic. Trigger a shrieker, generate clank. Easy as that. Taking your artefact will also generate clank, because it angers the spirits of the dungeon. That’s another important thing about game design: atmosphere. Design. Having something that feels cohesive. So—no, max clank isn’t quite as dangerous as it should be, but very few mobs would work to replace the vex, because, well, they’re not the spirits of the dungeon, and—

Hazard is generated every thirty-seven seconds, roughly. It used to be thirty, but that lined up with card draws, and the sound cues were hard to keep track of. So. Hazard is generated every thirty-seven seconds, roughly. Hazard makes the dungeon more dangerous to traverse, by closing doors, raising pathways, and otherwise making certain routes more dangerous or downright impossible to cross. People underestimate hazard at first, but quickly find out that hazard kills. When clank maxes out, that turns into hazard too, because max clank wasn’t dangerous enough by itself, because the vexes aren’t doing their damn jobs—

There were two older systems that got replaced. Not a lot of people know that. Focus could be built up, would synergise with other cards, but it was just—it wasn’t working. It got reworked. No one would miss it. Delve was a difficulty setting, but it was dumb, just press a button to choose your difficulty, that works way better, and—

Game design is simple, really. 

Decked Out is not a game.

Had it ever been a game? In its first iteration, back in season seven, had it hungered the way it does now? Had it slept, slumbering beneath the earth, soaking in blood that would slowly, slowly bring it to life? When the idea had wormed its way into Tango’s head, a sequel—had that been his own thought? Does it matter if it was?

He’d certainly thought it was. Began drafting up plans, re-evaluating what he’d done in the past and putting better spins on them. Decked Out 2 would be huge, would be the biggest project he’d ever worked on, but it wouldn’t take that long. Surely.

…Thirteen months later, Decked Out 2 opened its doors.

Thirteen months. It had started as a hole, as many things do. A hole, a build, a plan, a citadel—Tango had thrown himself into it like he would with any huge project. And at first it had been—it had been a project. A build, a game. A giant hole filled with promise. A castle built in a week. Just Hermitcraft things. The usual.

When had it started? When he’d dug, and dug, for hours and hours upon end? When he’d carved jagged-looking scars into the landscape and dragged the citadel up from them? When he’d started building level one? When he’d begun assembling the redstone? When the ravagers and wardens began to roam its halls? When did Decked Out come alive?

…Had it always been alive?

Okay, better question: when did—

A frozen shard is placed into the barrel. The door lights up, sounds play. The door opens. The hermit—Joe?—begins to take off their armour and items and set up the game. A difficulty button is pressed. A shulker is placed into its slot. The cards begin to filter through the system. A minecart ride, and a pressure plate—

Decked Out turns on.

The Dungeon watches carefully, hungrily. A shrieker triggers. A hazard door closes. The game is running, the game is alive, the game is always alive—

The Dungeon Master floats, untethered, bodiless, watching, speaking, unheard, unseen. His body stands in the dark, empty, eyes sightless and lungs unbreathing. Why would he need to breathe? Dungeons don’t need to breathe, after all. Games don’t need to breathe. And Decked Out isn’t a game, not really, but it still works on principles of game design, and none of those principles require the game to breathe.

So the Dungeon watches, and the Dungeon Master watches, and Joe runs straight into the blood-stained horns of a ravager, and—

And—

Tango tries to blink. To breathe. A hazard door slams open and closed. The wires are crossed, that’s not—he needs to go—an attempt to step forward dispenses a stack of frost embers into the dungeon. They’re not supposed to do that. That’s a bug, he needs to fix—

He needs his hands—

Stone walls aren’t fingers, but they flex all the same, groaning under the strain—

There’s an itching in his legs. Skulk creeps up the walls. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This isn’t—

It’s dark. A warden sniffs. A shrieker howls. Stone becomes sinew becomes skulk becomes shadow becomes smoke becomes a soul. The Dungeon Master wrenches open his sightless eyes, and the Dungeon sees—

(Buildings aren’t meant to have panic attacks. Neither are dungeons. Nor games. But Decked Out is not a game, never really has been, and Tango—)

Joe and Hypno stare in bafflement at the flickering availability metre outside of the dungeon. “Tango, fix your game!” Hypno cries, and—

Ha.

Here’s a better question: when did Tango become Decked Out?

[miafeystits]

if you’re still doing the ask game – i really liked how you incorporated different readings of dahlia in your most recent fic (i thought it was very cool how it could be read as analogous to audience interpretation of a fictional character, which works especially well for a polarizing character like dahlia). was there anything in particular that made you want to explore this idea? do you have any director’s commentary on it?

hello yes!! i absolutely have MANY thoughts on the topic and would love to give some director’s commentary

the thing about dahlia hawthorne & mia fey are dead is that initial versions of it were way different than what it ultimately turned into. mind you, it was always going to be written as a play, always set vaguely in the afterlife, and always involved mia and dahlia speaking and trying to get to the bottom of why dahlia did what she did. but these earlier versions were a lot less meta, and stuck much closer to a single interpretation of her character that was eventually uncovered throughout the work**. the placeholder title was “theaters of cruelty” and i was drawing a lot more from no exit than rosencrantz & guildenstern are dead; one idea of mine was to maybe follow a psychelock structure and ultimately get down to the core of dahlia’s issues that way. obviously, this did not end up happening

so i ultimately went in a different direction, because the thing is that in the process of trying to get at the core of “why is dahlia like this” i kept running into the same issue:  we don’t really ever get anything approaching a definitive answer to that question in the game itself—we get implication, the interpretations of other characters, we get a few things that dahlia tells us herself (if we can trust them), but nothing that ever feels truly substantial or complete to me. and in most cases this wouldn’t be THAT big of an issue—this is fanfic, the whole point is filling in the gaps with your own interpretation. so i tried to fight against the issue at first, create my own interpretation use that, but it never felt quite right, always like i was forcing it. i think creating and sticking to a single interpretation would have been easier for me to do had i been writing in prose, because that’s a medium where the world and the characters often feel more concrete to me in some way, it’s a place where it feels more necessary to stick to a single interpretation/version of reality. but in theater, at least for me, there’s this greater conscientiousness of the medium and its inherent unreality, especially since i tend toward a more metatheatrical mode in both what ive written and what i like to read—there’s a much stronger sense of the characters as characters, and as potential actors in/directors of their story. so eventually instead of fighting against the lack of finality in dahlia’s arc by imposing my own interpretation, i decided to embrace the problem as the actual subject of the piece

because ultimately i think what i realized in the process of writing the early drafts is that the tragedy of dahlia to me is not so much whatever deep dark secret that lurks inside her and makes her act the way she does, it’s the fact that she’s never given that full interiority in the first place. if we want that interiority we can’t look to the text, we have to invent her out of the scraps we’re given, which leads to such a wide variety of interpretations. and then we decide on which version of girl we prefer, but no version will ever be more correct, only more convincing, and we have to make peace with that as members of the audience.

but we as the audience also get to make peace with that. much like in rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead, i wanted to highlight that there’s an absurd tragedy to being a character in a story, and more so to being an incomplete character in a story that’s not about you. the tragedy of the character dahlia hawthorne is that even if she wanted it, she could never get true closure about why she acts the way she does. there’s no answer! it’s all interpretation

anyway, i hope that responded to your question! thank you for the ask and letting me ramble about this!

**as an example of how different my approach to the character was in each version, compare dahlia’s introduction:

from an early draft: “In center stage, on a white couch, sits THE GHOST OF DAHLIA HAWTHORNE. Around her neck hangs an ill-fitting noose, and her neck is decorated by a collar of bruises/rope-burn, the moment of her death tattooed onto her phantasmal form. She wears a light blue prisoner’s uniform and her hair is a mess, braids falling loose. Her hands are stained with blood.] [In her hands she holds a picture frame, grip tight. We can’t see what’s in it.]”

vs the final version: “Enter DAHLIA HAWTHORNE. She is a beautiful young woman, and gives the appearance of never having been anything else. She wears the white silk dress she has always worn, although without the accessories she has always carried— no shawl, no parasol, no shoes. She walks to center stage, and takes a seat in the empty chair: the witness stand.”

[randomfoggytiger]

Twenty questions for fanfic writers

Thank you for the tags, @baronessblixen, @xxsksxxx, and @slippinmickeys~!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

50 (ooh.)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

47, 807

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The X-Files; and The Beauty and the Beast (1987), once.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

"Mr. Mulder, I Know Something About You"

"No More Paranormal than a Change of Wardrobe"

"Gold"

"The Next Chance"

"Celebration"

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yeppity yep!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Discounting the fics that partially resolve their angst in a second part, I've got to go with "I'm Tired", "What Must a Mother Go Through?", "Latkes", or "Did You Really Have to Bring That Thing?"

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

At least 3/4s of 'em. Today's example will be "Time Passing in Moments” (still has a hold on my fuzzy feelings.)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet-- I've seen it done to others, however.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Smut's not for me~

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

While opposed to crossovers on principle, I've written three-- ironic, I know, namely: my first ever fic Son of Egypt (Prince of Egypt lite), The Hospital Where You Slept (While You Were Sleeping lite), and "I Know You. It’s What I Do." (for @amplifyme, who introduced me to The Beauty and the Beast 1987 and went above and beyond to pass on resources and interest. Incredibly grateful.)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! Don't expect them to get stolen, either, unless they're multichapter pieces.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope! Not opposed, though.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! I don't see it happening anytime soon, either, because my irl schedule is all over the place.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

MSR-- objectively, as well as personally.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have an idea blooming about reworking S8 in some way or form-- but there are already so many fics that tackle it from nearly every angle; so, I'll just reread those instead. (That, and I have to finish my S8 meta series; so....)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Pfffft... voice, I believe.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Characterization-- there's a reason I haven't created my own characters when writing, drawing, etc. ;)))

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Not opposed; but I'd have to learn another language first.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars. Must have been in kindergarten or first grade.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Proud of 'em all-- especially the reception to "Son of Egypt"-- but Bill Scully's POV ("Mr. Mulder, I Know Something About You" series) was such an unexpected... everything. That, and the discussion between Mulder and Scully in "My Religious Convictions Are Hardly the Issue Here" were wound around a POVs I wanted to tackle.

Tagging (if you want~): @welsharcher, @agent-troi, @numinousmysteries, @skelavender, @virtie333, @suitablyaggrieved, @nachosncheeze, @living-in-unreality, @aloysiavirgata, @cecilysass, @leiascully, @pennyserenade, @invidiosa, @settle-down-frohike, @piecesofscully, @thescullyphile, @p34chi, @incidental-ao3, @cock-holliday, @ragnarockz, @frogsmulder, @bakedbakermom, @cutelilcurtain, @dreamingofscully, @freckleslikestars, @amplifyme, @scullys-scalpel, @ghostbustermelanieking, @o6666666, @sigritandtheelves, @contrivedcoincidences6, @two-microscopes, @sixhours, @jessahmewren, @enigmaticdrblockhead, @wexleresque, @danascullysjournal, @seek-its-opposite, @frostbitepandaaaaa, @oohnotvery, @atths--twice, @thatfragilecapricorn30, @storybycorey, and anyone else!

[wynndynights]

𝕋𝕨𝕖𝕝𝕧𝕖 𝔻𝕒𝕪𝕤 𝕠𝕗 ℂ𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕞𝕒𝕤 𝔻𝕒𝕪 𝟚

𝕊𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕓𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝔽𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕏𝕚𝕒𝕠

𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜: !!𝙼𝚘𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚗 𝙰𝚄!!, 𝙽𝚘 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝙽𝚘𝚗𝚎, 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 𝟷𝟾𝟼𝟺

12 Days of Christmas Masterlist

It was a quiet day outside, with only you and your boyfriend standing together on the porch of the small cabin you had rented out for the weeks leading up to Christmas. The snow was much thicker and clearer out here than it was in the larger cityscape that you were used to. It covered the land in a peaceful blanket of white, the reflection of the soft sunlight off the snow making you squint as you first stepped outside.

Your gaze trailed over to Xiao standing beside you and a fond smile crept over your features. No matter how many times he saw the snow, it always seemed to fascinate him, bringing a rare look of childlike awe into his eyes. His dark hair was speckled white from the snowflakes floating gently down from the sky. You laughed quietly and moved your hand up to dust some of the flakes out of his hair, Drawing his attention to you.

"What are you doing?" He covered his head with his own hands defensively. Even after months of dating, he was still adjusting to the idea of physical touch, often going on guard by any unexpected gesture of physical affection.

"Nothing that's going to do any harm. C'mon, if your hair gets all wet you're going to catch a cold. I told you you should have brought a hat." Your lightly scolding words brought a small pout to his face, but he slowly lowered his hands nonetheless to let you continue your work of quickly brushing snow away before it could melt into his hair.

"I don't think we've ever gotten snow this thick down in town." He scrunched his nose slightly as you removed the hat you were wearing, placing it onto his head and pulling it down to keep his ears warm before pulling the hood off your coat up to cover your own head in its place.

"Definitely not. It's so much more peaceful looking out here. Not a single footprint in sight. It looks almost unreal." Your eyes wandered back out over the landscape again and Xiao nodded, tucking his hands into the pockets of the coat you had bought for him before leaving for your holiday trip.

"It's much cleaner. Not polluted by the mess of the city." He paused for a moment, staring at the snow in contemplation. "I want to eat it." You stared at him for a moment, a little caught off guard by his words before shrugging it off and laughing lightly.

"I'm sure you can if you want to. It would definitely be safer to eat up here where it's fresh than back down in the city." You watched Xiao shuffle forwards into the deep snow, following a short distance and watching while he crouched down to gently pack a small handful of snow in his gloved hands. Getting an idea, you chuckled to yourself and carefully leaned down to do the same.

You watched him very cautiously stick his tongue out to lick the small lump of snow in his hands before silently winding your arm back. You waited for a moment as he focused his attention on his newfound snack before tossing the ball of snow that you held towards him, watching it explode into a white powdery cloud against his back.

You held your breath at the long pause that followed, forcing back giggles as the entire world seemed to pause for a moment. Finally, he turned to look at you, his baffled and betrayed expression breaking your composure as you broke into a fit of giggles, crouching down again and holding your stomach in attempts to calm the boisterous laughter.

"I'm sorry- I couldn't help it." You gasped out the apology between breaths, doing your best to calm down. As your breath evened out again and your laughter faded, you looked up, concerned by Xiao's lack of response. Worried that you may have upset him, you trained your concerned gaze on him, only to be met by the sight of him standing over your crouched form, looking down at you with a tightly packed snowball held in each of his hands.

"I give you ten seconds to run." His calm tone of voice almost scared you for a moment, though you could see the slightest hint of a playful sparkle in his eyes, sending you into another small fit of giggles as you scrambled to your feet. You trudged away through the deep snow as fast as you were able, nearly tripping over your own heavy feet as you went.

Just as you crouched down to try and pack together another snowball to defend yourself with, a weight hit you square in the back, a flurry of snow exploding around you. You yelped and covered your head as the next one followed shortly after, whizzing past you just in front of your face and landing in the snow nearby.

You quickly packed together another snowball before hurrying back to your feet and turning to observe Xiao who was getting to his feet a short distance away with a newly packed snowball of his own. A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips while you stared each other down defensively, small giggles still bubbling up from your throat.

You hadn't had a good proper snowball fight in such a long time, and somehow the thought of your normally more cold and stoic boyfriend taking part in something so carefree and childish brought a grin to your face that you couldn't seem to shake off.

"What are you smiling about?" He watched you with a scrutinizing gaze, arm muscle tensed and ready to retaliate the moment you made a move to release the snowball that you held. A strange sense of exhilaration rushed through his veins, and as much as he wouldn't admit it aloud, he actually found whatever this little game was to be quite fun.

"You're smiling too," you shot back simply. "You can try to keep the scary guy attitude up all you want, but I can tell you're having fun, mister." You threw the snowball you were holding in his direction with as much force as you could, watching it explode against the ground near his feet before covering your face protectively with your arms as he tossed his own in retaliation.

"I'll show you a scary guy." He crouched to pack together more snowy ammunition while you were busy blocking yourself from his previous throw. By the time you lowered your arms, he was already back on his feet, running towards you with a huge clump of snow packed in his hands. You screamed and took off in the opposite direction, running away from him back towards the cabin.

"Wait please I surrender! I'm sorry!" You laughed, covering your head and ducking as you ran for cover. Xiao shook his head and raised the large snowball over his head with both hands.

"It's too late to surrender. Don't start a fight you don't intend to finish." He took a final large step forward for momentum and then let the large pile of snow loose, watching it fly through the air and hit you in the lower back, knocking you forward face first. He watched you lay still face down in the snow for a long moment before he felt his stomach drop with concern. He had killed his lover with a snowball. How was he supposed to explain this to anyone?

"Okay that one actually kind of hurt." The sound of your voice snapped him out of his panicked thoughts and he ran over quickly to check on you as you slowly rolled over. Even covered in snow and shivering, your giggly laughter continued. Between the adrenaline coursing through his veins, the sight of you frantically trying to wipe snow away from your face, and the sound of your contagious laughter, his own laughter had echoed out before he could stop it.

Your movements paused at the joyful sound and your breath caught in your throat as you looked up at him. His eyes were closed tightly and his face had broken into a grin as he laughed, the light airy sound bringing a wide, fond smile to your own face. You had heard him chuckle at some of your jokes or stories before, sure, but this was the first time you had heard him truly laugh, and you were pretty sure it may now be your favorite sound in the world. As soon as he realized you had gone quiet, his own laughter calmed and he looked down at you in confusion, cheeks glowing red at the gaze of adoration that he was met with.

"What are you staring at?" He averted his eyes quickly, wanting to pull your hat down over his face to hide the deep blush that was quickly spreading across his face to his ears. You chuckled at his flustered expression, pushing yourself up into a sitting position before reaching up to grab his hand and yanking him down to sit beside you in the snow.

"You, sir, have a beautiful laugh, and a very wonderful smile." His face only flushed even further at the compliment as you pulled him tightly into a hug. Though he was stiff and reluctant at first, he relaxed into your hold shortly after, wrapping his own arms around you and letting you bury your face against his neck for warmth as he awkwardly patted your back.

"You're shivering." His passive observation and the slight hint of concern in his voice drew your attention back up to him, and you pulled back just enough to smile playfully.

"Well yeah, I think I just involuntarily ate more snow there than you could ever dream of." Your joking words brought another faint smile to his face and he snorted quietly, shaking his head.

"Yeah, you probably did. Luckily, the snow won't be stopping anytime soon by the looks of it, so I'll have plenty of time to come back out for more." He stood up, holding a hand out to you. "That is, after we get you inside. You're going to get sick if we don't get you warmed up."

"Awe, are you worried about me, Xiao?" You smiled as you took his hand and allowed him to pull you to your feet.

"Obviously." He waved your question off dismissively, but your smile widened nonetheless, having known him long enough now to recognize his own unique form of caring in his short answers and passive words. You let him usher you back towards the cabin and inside, stumbling out of the thick layers of damp snow gear in favor of changing into something warmer before settling onto the couch to cuddle up and drink hot cocoa.

In the peaceful silence, you couldn't help but let another giggly smile creep onto your face, lost in your own thoughts. If there was one thing you had gotten from the day, it was that you weren't going to stop until you had heard him laugh again. Even if that took a face first swan dive into a snowbank to do so.

Do not copy, translate, or repost. Reblogs are welcome.

[nights-nonsensical-ramblings]

ugh, I really need to get a fic done and posted so i can feel like i've actually accomplished something, but at this point so many of them are in a state where i feel like I'll never ever get them done. It's like im just trudging through and endless swamp and that even if i do reach the end they're so niche that they'll barely get any attention and like what's the point of putting so much effort into them then? like i used to draw but all my motivation vanished as i could rarely get it to be what i wanted. I've got some stuff im genuinely proud of, but at this point they feel like flukes and im never going to get something like that again no matter how hard i practice. I still get ideas for drawings but then i remember even my basic sketches make me cringe, theres no way i could draw what im wanting to and then im just goign to be even more upset.

but unlike with my drawing i AM writting but im writting and just going round in circles with the same wips, always addign but never getting anywhere close to done. But actually. some of them are near done, so done in fact that when i go to read them its like reading a completed story/ but there in lies the problem these cycles and bouning back and forth between fics means that when i ome back to these near completed ones im no longer in the writter mindset but the reader and the closer to complete i am the harder it is to get back to them somehow.

like my fics have genuinely turned my life for the better, without them i wouldn't have met or befriended so many wonderful people and i likely would've remained just an observer of the internet and in a much more lonely place. I can't even imagine what the last couple years would've been like my cuz of what my fics lead to, its kinda unreal.

where was i even going with this? I started writing in a miserable state but ive since calmed and now just feel dull so whatever my original point was has faded to. I guess my brain was just being over dramatic about "those good days of people being excited about things you make, ideas you have and so on are eventually going to end". It tends to do that. (I still struggle to fully enjoy a song cuz two of my best friends clowned on it all the time and its been literal years since i've talked to them, and my brain likes to tell me that saying something "wrong" in a conversation has sims mechanics and damages their opinion on me lol.)

Maybe i need update my pinned post to my fics ( i haven't done that since 2022...) That way new people can be aware of my fics. even if i think a majority of them aren't really that great and are full of errors.

Ugh. sorry for this rant whatever it is, this was just supposed to be a "i need to finish a fic" post but i got a lot of feelings and i just couldn't stop typing once i started

[captainbobbin]

Hi- I have somehow survived the depths of completing a whole game in one sitting, grinding for the talents of a character in another game, and completing one of 3 endings for undertale as well as attempting to art. So how are you? <3

Also would love to make you aware your Saix/isa, Xemnas, and Terra are the reasons I question if I'm truly AroAce because of the FOUL, down right HEINOUS things I want them to do to me.

Also, I was going to ask this on Retrospring but I have no idea if the ask button was either tricking me by looking like it was doing nothing or if it just wasn’t up to doing its job, but, I scroll through the Saix tags often and there was this one post that pointed out that he has a hourglass figure and I could not for the life of me tell if you draw him with one too or not so, are you aware of this? If I’m wrong about him having that figure or if you do actually draw him with one then you can just ignore this.

Also, finally looked at your twitter since I don’t usually use it and there was this one thing you said and while I can’t exactly pinpoint what it was I know it was enough to make me audibly gasp and then mentally agree. Anyways that’s all, have a good night or morning I’m still trying to figure out time differences. (Also if I ramble too much feel free to tell me I’ll gladly shut up a bit….maybe- I can’t even trust myself to remember to breathe actually so- nvm)

long response so -

ayyy I'm glad that you've been doing okay lately bud - its always satisfying to complete a game that you've been sucked into, and I hope you had a fun time with it!

You know. You'd be surprised how many aro and/or ace people have said such things to me/are actively in my chat encouraging me to make more nsfw content regarding my blorbos lmaoooo I actually had a message on retrospring the other day regarding my portrayals of certain characters making people question their orientation and I'll put what I responded to them here - 'there's a post that I love and its like. If you are really into something and are passionate about it, you will accidentally convert others to enjoying it. By making content where you genuinely show how much you love a certain thing and you project your headcanons onto it and display the depths of your inner love about a certain concept, character, body type, topic, etc, that people will see it and connect with it whether you mean for it to be convincing or not hahaha. Sometimes just really loving something inspires others to love it and see it your way too.'

Saix undoubtedly has a pretty curvy silhouette, yes lmao there is no way I wouldn't realise that hahaha - Its harder to see it in his KH3/Unreal Engine model due to the stylistic overhaul but his original (and superior imo) model has notably wide shoulders and hips compared to a small waist, yeah. All of the original Org members had really distinct shapes so you can tell who is who, even with the hoods up. I do tend to draw Saix with fairly muscular thighs and broader shoulders, but in general my artstyle is what I would say is 'not very anime proportioned' in that I try to have a decent amount of realism in my anatomy/shape rather than super lean or angular bodies. I don't ever want my blorbos to appear emaciated or for them to have the 'ideal standard' body, if you know what I mean, I really enjoy drawing my faves to look like real people that have folds and bulk and 'imperfections'. I do typically try to draw Saix as fairly broad, with a balance between topheavy upper arms and chest and a more rounded hip area compared to his waist. (some examples below, including a super super old sketch I did to visualise lfotr isa and terra's size difference). I do try and make all of my usual blorbos have identifiable yet still human proportions; I tend to draw Xemnas slightly softer and chubbier around his middle but he is still broad and powerful. Saix is curvy but still noticeably strong and while not entirely lean he has a sleekness to him. I draw Hendrik with a lot of padding, hair and with much more unique facial features. Sylvando is probably the only character I draw that has a body close to the canon source - he is lean and muscular and tbh the only character I really draw with pronounced ab muscles, the same way that in canon he is shown to be very cut - but in all fairness he's a gymnast/acrobat/performer/contortionist/dancing clown so drawing him as noticeably and suprisingly ripped tracks imo. Plus I sprinkle on so many of my own headcanoned features regarding his hair, skin tone, freckles, etc that it doesn't feel too weird to me haha. so tl;dr yes I do draw Saix with somewhat of a curvy shape (when I do fullbody draws of him, its been a little while) however I think my version is pretty masculine and doesn't read as disproportionate or exaggerated.

Anatomy and stylization are things I always want to push myself on and develop more - my biggest fear is having 'same face syndrome' or for my work to feel like my love for the characters don't come through haha - though by the sounds of it, the way I portray my blorbos is definitely doing something for you, so I must be going in the right direction haha

oh I yap about all kinds of bullshit on twitter lmao I use it as a place to talk about my blorbo thoughts often :p for those who don't follow me on twitter, you can find me here, although I'll warn you that I do most some n/s/f/w stuff there that I do not post here. Let me know if you find out which post I made that vibed with you, I'd love to hear which thing I said resonated with you and why haha! I am somewhat more active on twitter than on here/I tend to share more of others work and do general updates on twitter just because its easier, but I think interacting long form with others is a lot easier on tumblr for sure. Long asks and chats like this area always nice!

[wolfsplosion]

my headcanons btw (more thoughts under the cut teehee)

Nathan: gay, cis; he's so closeted it is unreal. every time he's around women in the show he's apathetic, like he likes sex but does not feel anything for them - and then when he meets Abigail, he gets obsessed with her bc she rejects him & then he chooses Pickles over her (much to think about.) and then his arc in the movie is accepting that he only liked the idea of her? MUCH to think about. also I think after all that, he's actually given his gender some thought and came out of it like "yep, I'm a dude" (Pickles is very proud of him <3)

Skwisgaar: bisexual, agender; he def prefers feminine people but doesn't really give a shit <3 his whole "I'm not a man I'm a god" thing is very agender to me also, like he's fine being perceived as a man or whatever he just likes being both masculine and feminine

Toki: bisexual, nonbinary; classic he/they, his gender is def "boy not man". and he has autism for sure which affects the gender situation of course. also he just likes pretty people <3

Pickles: bisexual, transmasc; this is basically canon to me to the point where when I see people draw him with a dick I'm like "wow congrats on the bottom surgery king" hgkfdjf.. like I feel so strongly that he's been on T since he was a teenager.. usually the highest honor I can bestow upon a character is gay transmasc (because I am gay transmasc. I hope you understand) but he's giving sooo bisexual

Murderface: gay, genderqueer; he canonically has gay thoughts. many such cases. also he has something going on gender wise.. I don't know what pronouns he'd end up with but it/its is probably in there somewhere !

Charles (not pictured): unlabeled; I think he's only interested in men and nonbinary people & didn't click with any label he's tried out for that! he's not cis and I can't decide which flavor I like best of that. whatever it is, he's comfortable being perceived as a man (enjoys it in fact, his gender is Suit Guy) but there's more goin on than Just Man, y'know?

[truth-01001001-liar]

Heyyy~

I love drawing the flora and fauna from TES games, I absolutely love it. If anyone has any requests on that front feel free to throw an ask at me. This extends to plants, animals, fungi, and alchemy ingredients from any of the scrolls games. I just think they’re neat! :))

ALSO!! I post about my elder scrolls OCs sometimes (there’s info on them under the cut if you’re interested.)

[Making this so it’s not only a TES blog anymore, so you might see me post about other things: like bg3 for example]

(Last updated: 10/3/2024)

The Heros

(Skyrim) Viir/Viiraulor:

Viirautarelor is my LBD and also a Thu’um using alteration/illusion bard. That is to say xe likes to pretend to be people other than hirself for hir own amusement, and for the amusement of others. If you see several different designs for hir this is why. Xe is armed only with hir illusory wit and a kitchen knife. (Hir name should translate loosely to ‘dying trickster’. I ran with the Shezarrine idea, but this time it’s literally just mortal Lorkhan. ish)

(Oblivion) Archcanon Ice Wraith:

My HoK, Wraith, is a spear-wielding, bug-loving, ALMSIVI-enthused, alchemy nerd that makes friends with as many people as possible, and has fallen head over heels in love with assumptions and metaphors. She WAS the Nerevarine once, but didn’t want to be. In an attempt to mimic Vivec, she ended up using Kagrenac’s tools on the heart of Lorkhan to create her own unreal reality. One in which she is never the Nerevarine. This is the reality that all of my other characters live in. She calls it c0da Web. (When written, ‘web’ is the daedric character for ‘w’. Yes… it is a spider pun. This is Wraith so of course it is. Caught in a web of lies… im sorry). Ice Wraith is kind of obsessed with Vivec, and it is kind of a problem.

(Morrowind) J’uhna:

Wraith gave my Nerevarine, J’uhna, his name. In full the name is a mix of Dovahzul, Dunmeri, and a pinch of Ta’agra. It is JUN LUN/LUHN AH VAR, which means both ‘The Life-Light and Moon’ and ‘The Hunter of Leech-Kings’ Lives’. J’uhna is a frustrated, greedy, self-obsessed person who is crafty and annoyingly adept with words. If he likes someone he needs them to be unquestionably loyal, and if he hates someone he needs them to fear him. J’uhna has memories of all of the failed incarnates. He remembers being Peakstar, Conoon Chodala, Erur-Dan, etc. Of course he also remembers being Nerevar. He’s coping with this, but not very well (he’s not entirely convinced that his memories and traumas from his past lives are real).

(Daggerfall) Plink

(ESO) Cirainile/Flowers:

This is my Vestige, an absurdly tall restoration mage who means well, but boasts some of Summerset’s more standoffish body language. He is an altmer born of a noble clan in Alinor which claims (without proof) that its lineage begins with Trinimac. He’s very interested in fabric making, and has a pet rat he calls Rice. His friends call him Nile, or Flowers, for short. (I pronounce his name sorta like ‘see-rye-kneel-uh’. Don’t really know how to write pronunciation out so that’s the best I got sorry :) )

(Battlespire) Daggi:

A powerful dremora from the badlands who is constantly rebelling against Mehrunes Dagon. He likes Nirn a lot. His favorite color is the color purple. I’ll elaborate more on Daggi when I have more energy to write it down.

The Side Bitches

(Skyrim) Ilabael Muhr:

A sweetheart and a plant nerd. Also my LBD’s ex-wife. Ilabael is the child of an exiled ashlander of Erabenimsun, and a kwama miner. She’s from Jora’ruhn—a city built by the Warrior-Poet’s last archcanon on top of the ruins of Vivec.

(Skyrim) Cahnu’ul:

Totally not a reincarnation of Vivec ;). In Skyrim he’s My LBD’s friend. He’s got no idea that he is who he is and if you accused him he’d refuse it. He grew up in Dawnstar, thinks the gods are incapable, and carries Wraith’s axe named Heaven-by-Violence. (Side note: Cahnu’ul exists in every conceivable timeline as a consequence of Wraith’s actions. If you’re curious about the ‘whys’ and the ‘hows’ of the mess that is this oc, feel free to ask. To put things bluntly though, Cahn Hahnu Sul Ul is my oc’s oc.)

(Skyrim) Peynach:

A winged Ayleid whose family lives in Skyrim’s southwestern mountains. My LBD’s friend.

(Morrowind) Morvana-Dar & Yana-La:

Two Khajiiti siblings who are both a part of the Camonna Tong during the events of Morrowind. My Nerevarine’s friends.

(Daggerfall) Snakes-Faces/Thuxisei:

Snakes or Thuxi for short. She’s Plink’s ‘friend’….. with benefits.

(ESO) Ondoth:

A leather working enthusiast and my Vestige’s husband.

(ESO) Zhaari-Sa:

A senche-raht that works odd jobs, and my Vestige’s friend.

Kaj-Mota:

Kaj exists … I love him.. I have no idea when he exists in the timeline tho. He’s pretty so there that. Idk. Big ol floofy man who likes to hunt.

Suna’raleyr & Aniayifir:

Siblings… both merchants and craftsmen. They live in the shivering isles. Ania says they live there for good reasons.. something about it being great for the imagination. They can occasionally be found on nirn, and are the ones who built my Dragonborn’s enchanted lute.

The ‘Wraith Fucked Up Her Old Timeline’ Characters:

Fahlthahrk:

I mean… someone had to do something about that bullshit that Ice Wraith left behind.

Musasanael Shimansilvaar:

Fahlthahrk’s ally. Someone (Azura probably… at least we hope it was Azura) slammed all the failed incarnates—memories traumas and all—together into a body… but … Nerevar himself isn’t there... Elvil Vidron is though. In other words… this is not the nerevarine. This can’t be the nerevarine— it sure was supposed to be, though.

Niryai:

Niryai is not her real name. It’s just what she calls herself. This makes her sound conceited.. she thinks this is funny.

[spearxwind]

Okay updates on various things:

- Talas ref is done, legally, but pending me changing a marking that ive been struggling with for a While because im a bastard so I'll get that done this week hopefully and make a big post about it (basically including this ref and the big eel one but with the tweak. Yes again. Sorry)

- I also have made a reference for a new character for a new oc project that i cant talk about yet because its WIP but if you're wondering what my 1core/horrorverse tag is, its that. If you have completely unhinged scifi memes please send them. I need a collection with which to torment my friends

- Also. bully me into committing to the weekly violence bc i have so many ideas. I do have a sketch for this week too so hopefully i will get that done as well (its all generic edgy drawings babeyyyy wooooo as it should be. I WILL be drawing the same thing over and over and over)

- i need to talk and gush and dev stuff about hollowridge so much its unreal. I should make a doc. Oohh yeah its all coming together (stirring the soup in my brain without any cohesion)

- I made small playlists for my four main ocs so i could share publicly, and was planning on drawing a little cover for each but I may just recycle some art for them so i can share them djkfgk. I lov musique

[dentalcaring]

Tell me about Reece! I searched their name but nothing really came up on your blog </3

I haven't talked about them much since I never really had a universe to put them in, aside from my own head! I have a lot of OCs who are part of original stuff who I kind of struggle to post about much. But yes yes thank you for asking!! (❁´◡`❁)

I want to give a little TW about some aspects of unreality (esp in the film I mention at the top of the post) with this character. Their concept is kind of a philosophical and supernatural exercise for my own brain, and I know that can be a little upsetting to some people! There's also a few mentions of mental/psychiatric hospitals and nursing homes, but being a Mentally Ill person myself, I try my best to approach the subject gently and with empathy.

Copy-Pasted from my original message about them to some friends:

i watched this movie called "the empty man" last night and it was like. okay. it had an interesting premise, which was that a group of people made a thoughtform and gave him a fully thought out life story/etc and their collective thoughts on him convinced him that he was a real person, he had a full memory of his life and everything.

so i was thinking about this and the fact that we as humans leave energies in places where we used to be. liminal spaces, etc. if somewhere is stained with enough misery for a long time, what does that become? if someone, or a group of someones, is lonely enough, what can they create?

ive always been a little fixated on mental hospitals/sanitariums, so that's kind of the setting. this place that's full of a century's worth of misery. what does that become? can it coalesce into something that could call itself a person? is it a person? what if it's an amalgamation of a thousand thousand different life stories, moment to moment, something seeded from a particularly lonely person or persons there? a thoughtform

their name is reece

and

i cant decide what reece looks like but i think their memories are a little bit fragmented at times. pieces they "try to forget" that come in moments. little pieces of others lives. maybe the hospital is newly renovated into something else? like maybe a care home. they're a "nurse," maybe even some of the current residents in the newly converted building used to be patients when it was a mental facility.

In short: Reece is the product of many different life experiences, thoughts, and anguishes coalesced into a sort of...spirit? I'd say they're a ghost in a way, but not the spirit of someone who actually ever existed, rather, a thousand tiny pieces of human experience. I think they're pretty aware of this fact, though.

I like to think they sort of "work" at this hospital--The place itself, I think, has been multiple different things: An overcrowded home for criminals, spinsters, mentally ill people, homeless folks, and later a mental health facility, a sanitarium, and then a care home for older people, maybe with a wing dedicated to some sort of medical specialist. It's had a very multi-purposed lifetime: The location itself is sort of a character in its own right.

The living staff and people who live and are treated there view them as something of a ghost. They're solid and "real" enough to touch and move things, to basically move around like a living person. I think they're usually very compassionate (by virtue of Literally Being The Product Of Many Experiences), giving, and offer some comfort to the people there. Because of their nature, no one can really agree on what they look like or who they are. There's a lot of different theories, and I can imagine that there's this idea that there's MANY ghosts. And maybe there are! But Reece could account for probably half, given their fluctuating nature.

But yes! Reece my friend Reece. I've never gotten to draw them because I literally don't know what they look like LMAO

[crom-cristianortiz]

Gaining Insight into the Creative Process of Concept Artist Crom - Cristian Ortiz in an Exclusive Interview.

Since he was a young boy, Cristian Ortiz has been driven towards illustration. His passion for the arts have led him to explore many disciplines within the creative industry-- animation, comics, storyboarding, game design and advertising.

But there's one thing that all of these fields had in common; drawing! Once he discovered 'illustration' as his rightful career path though it seemed like everything made sense--so with every decision since then his goal has been to become an illustrator.

Are you self-taught or did you have a formal Art Education ? 

I always drew and had personal projects going since I was really young but I wanted to see what was there to learn from places like St. Martins University where every summer I’d spend all my pennies on their short courses on storyboarding, illustration and design.

By the time I was seventeen, I had attended a foundational course in East London that taught me how to take on projects and briefs with confidence. Later on, at Middlesex University, my Illustration & Animation degree not only brought together an incredible group of peers but also permitted traditional illustrators to open up new perspectives for me which otherwise would have gone unrealized.

I eagerly saved every penny to attend St. Martins University's summer courses in storyboarding, illustration and design to gain an understanding of the possibilities within my field.

My past work experience has been exclusively in freelancing, so I am more familiar with it. If you prefer having direct contact with the people you are collaborating with and taking care of the administrative tasks yourself, then this is a great route for you to take.

Being an excellent game artist necessitates the ability to creatively transform a project brief into your own personal vision, while simultaneously infusing it with enthusiasm. An aptitude for bringing life and energy to characters and environments is key in this role, enabling you to craft unique experiences that players will love.

You should be full of enthusiasm when constructing bold new worlds and fascinating characters - it's key to the creative process!

If you are an aspiring game artist with dreams of succeeding in the industry, then honing your artistic skills and practice is essential. Different styles come into play depending on what type of game artistry you are interested in. To become a proficient game artist, it is important to develop a vision for how you want to express yourself visually through practice - creating projects that test your boundaries and challenge your abilities will help identify where further development needs to be focused on.

Trends come and go, yet to effectively communicate your vision visually requires diligence, practice, and personal projects. Do you find that the final illustrations are distinct from the ideas originally in mind?

The pieces I showcased at "Illustrated 2016" in the Truman Brewery were close to what one may classify as Fine Art. But where does Illustration stop and Fine Art begin? Or, is there no distinct boundary between the two? To me, it's about pushing boundaries: striving for excellence and surprise factors. More often than not, I end up with something even better than what my initial vision was!

I believe people perceive my work as valuable because I make physical pieces on canvases and fine paper, instead of mass-produced prints. While labels can be irrelevant to me, the fact that my artwork is one-of-a-kind has caused its value to rise exponentially in recent times. With a professional background steeped in commercial work and pop culture, who knows what direction my art will take me next? 

What's it like to be part of the Creative Community in London? It's inspiring! In my experience, this city is a true powerhouse for creative individuals who are looking to collaborate and perfect their respective crafts. From indie comic creators, sign painters, game developers and more – if you have an interest in art or expression then there will always be a gathering that welcomes your enthusiasm. I've been fortunate enough not only witness these communities but also connect with them; never has there been such an energizing force towards creativity as what exists here.

London exudes magnetic creativity, which has attracted an eclectic community of artisans who are eager to collaborate and hone their crafts. This vibrant metropolis is alive with unique individuals wishing to share their inspiring skills and experiences with others.

[oleworm]

What is the Meaning of this Exercise. A Follow-up to “The Students”.

What is the goal of this communication? I was joking with a correspondent that it was to make myself “uncancellable” and thus free to express because the symbols that I use are not immediately recognisable to the native Anglophone reader; I will be content with a half-a-second advantage before the verdict, which is already more than is granted to those who use the fashionable vocabulary. That is to say… You are free to cancel me, but first understand that you disagree with me.

But speaking more genuinely, my goal is to express the reality I experience through forms that are more recognisable to myself, who always felt more comfortable with the meanings expressed in books than the live-spoken words of my congenerates. Book words were composed by humans too, but these are the practised words, especially before the keyboard age. The word is the drawing of the word sound and in the span of its conjuring there is time enough to contemplate. How would my thinking be different if I had first learned to write in pictograms? Many of them are written in fewer strokes, and so, with more speed, I could imagine and be wrong completely, and each of them encompasses a meaning.

What does this composition read like, in my imagination? A translation from another language. Someone writes for a subscription in the backwaters of X, regurgitating misrepresentations of the writings of a mysterious group of people called the “Europeans,” who may as well not exist, or if so be on the same plane of unreality as Sokrates, known only from the words of others. But what is less real than this but life, which is what happens in the background. It is shameful, again, to say “Something must be done!” The same question without resolution for the interminable centuries. Meanwhile the country, and by this I mean the physical place that you can touch with your own hands and measure, is falling to rust and unswept red brick dust. None of our problems are unique, though the nationalists would lie to you that they are. How they hate to hear that the same thing, more or less, is happening somewhere else! Other places have their names for the Republic of Indians and the Republic of Spaniards, and whenever a writer mentions the phrase “Andean idiosyncrasies” or what makes me spit up in anger, the butchered New Age “cosmovision” to explain serfdom or state corruption it is as meaningless as when someone were to say, for example, communism or capitalism with Chinese characteristics. There are social and economic reasons, not some unique quality of the soul. That is what we tell foreigners when there is something that we want to sell to you.

As an aside, at a certain time, these two regions did experience a similar search for identity, or rather an attempt to create one. For lack of knowledge of the one I will not comment as to the success of either case. Only to say that I prefer the idea of the community as a group of people that interact to form a relationship with one another, rather than the community that is predicated on a collection of traits that serve to unite the group at the exclusion of others. These definitions coexist and each serves its purpose in describing social phenomena, but the reason to document our reality should be to use put this information to use, and make a choice about what we actually would like to see.

It is easier for me to think when I write; this is an exercise to make myself more aware of the impressions that I collect, and I do not expect it to be of use to anyone else, except to receive a clearer image of another human filtered as it is through an affectation of style (unnecessary) and a degree of self-censorship (necessary to survival). As for this style, so long as the rest of the world continues to drag around the corpse of the 19th century and novel pathogens continue to ripen from the same old source I will continue to reflect this in my sorry compositions.

Goodbye, until the next time. And goodbye, until the next time.