#so many cartoon ass shenanigans it's great

[mccoyquialisms]

chaotic moments in our campaign so far:

for the first roll of the campaign @keivan’s wizard critically failed his constitution check on the boat we were traveling on, so the DM declared him seasick. he kept failing the roll on each subsequent check, so he spent the first 30 minutes of the session barfing and being carried by the fighter

the rogue's favored way of using his disguise kit is to put on a hat or Halloween style mask and then declare who he is, generally right in front of the person he's talking to, even when they clearly saw him as someone else just a few minutes before. only one person in game (including our own party!) has called him out on this because his deception and stealth rolls are so goddamn high

giant human fighter and tiny goblin artificer get yoinked from a cliff via jury-rigged fishing rod by a giant kraken-like creature. the artificer did this on purpose. the fighter did not.

the rogue was taken down to 0 HP in our first ever combat. none of us have healing and we thought he was totally fucked. his next turn, he immediately rolls a nat 20 and comes back up to 1 hit point. the player doesn't have much exposure to dnd, so he didn't really react at first and was very startled when the rest of us suddenly started hollering and jumping around

[twee-too]

A Strawhat Sleepover Zoro x Sanji x Fem!Reader (NSFW)

word count: 7k

small summary: Luffy, Usopp, and chopper had a great idea. They decided to throw a crew sleepover, but when alcohol and party games get introduced, the peaceful night gets a lot more interesting.

CW: Threesome, face fucking, oral (M&F), Drunk sex, slight neck grabbing

A/N: just wanted to point out that this is my first time writing a fanfic(Audible gasp) so it might or might not suck ass 💀 imma apologize in advance for any spelling mistakes/ incorrect sentences or smthing 😭 But hope yall enjoy it!

Also gonna colour code the names teehee

(some ppl share a colour cuz theres only so many 😒)

Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Nami, Usopp, Chopper, Robin

since they say shii in this they get colours (sorry franky and brook)

You and the strawhats just finished the dinner your cook Sanji had prepared. Your captain had looked like he was about to pop, his belly gotten so round from all the food he just consumed. You'd tried to contain the smile that was about to form from how Luffy looked like an overstuffed Turkey, but having your fellow cremates Usopp and Chopper laughing hysterically in your ear wasn't helping. You eventually broke out laughing after Luffy had tried to get up but falling in the process making a cartoon "boing" sound effect.

It was getting late and the crew had slowly started to do their nightly routine. You had just put on your pajamas when all of a sudden you hear Luffy yell " EVERYONE COME TO THE DECKKKKK!!!! " you obviously hear your loud captain and rush to the deck.

Everyone had arrived eager to know what they were called for. An emergency? a marine Ship spotted? another Pirate Ship that had threaten to attack the Sunny and steal all our-

....

"Guys! Usopp, chopper, and I had a great idea!! We should all have a sleepover on the deck since chopper has never been to a sleepove-" Before he could finshes Nami and Sanji started beating poor Luffy and Usopp up, forgetting Chopper had also been a part of this.

"YOU GUYS ARE SO STUPID!! I THOUGHT SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED"

Nami scolded the both of them hard, You stood there rubbing your head in relief/annoyance. On one hand yay! nothing is wrong. On the other hand. Dumbasses.

Through luffys beaten up faces, he mustered up a muffled apologized

"WHY DID I GET PUNCHED? CHOPPER WAS THE ONE THAT BROUGHT IT UP!"

"DON'T BRING ME INTO THIS"

"YOU WERE ALREADY IN THIS"

"ALL OF YOU BE QUIET"

...

All of this was too much, especially for it being night time, but a sleepover doesn't sound too bad, The wind had been stale for the whole day and the ship had barely made it anywhere, so spending more time with your fellow crewmates couldn't be so bad right? You along with chopper had never been to a sleepover so this idea sparked the inner child in you. After all the fuss had worn off, the others had given their thoughts on the idea.

"I think the idea isn't too bad"

you were honestly a little surprised that Robin was willing to do it, actually thinking about it... it would be nice to hear her read a bedtime story for everyone, the way she reads storys never fails to soothe you.

"Me too! as long as we get to do sleepover stuff...like...uhh..."

The crew looked at you waiting to hear an example.

. . .

"To be honest I have no clue" You shrugged giving an embarrassed smile.

"ahh y/n, there's a ton of stuff to do during a sleepover! Like pillow fights, storytelling, playing tricks on people-"

Usopp was suddenly cut off at the burst of thought Nami had

"Yea! and we can also tell spoooky storys!"

Nami gave an evil stare at Usopp, knowing how much of a scaredy-cat he is.

"WHATCHA LOOKIN' AT ME FOR?!"

" Ya know what? I think a sleepover is a great idea as well!"

" I think this sounds stupid, I want my sleep"

"Zoro... You take naps every day, I think you'll be fine"

"tsk" Zoro gave an annoyed look

"Fine, if it'll stop all your whining"

of course, Sanji said yes, if thats what it takes to spend more time with the ladies he'll put up with the other's shenanigans.

Everyone had agreed, and now comes the sleepover prepping! Since there were no sleeping bags on board they loaded up in blankets and pillows! Luffy was telling Sanji the snacks, food, and drinks he wanted him to prepare. Usopp, Chopper, and Franky had all started to come up with stuff to do in case they start to get bored. Robin, Nami, and brook were collecting some stories to read, Nami and brook were getting the scariest ones, and you were setting up the sleeping area with Zoro.

You and Zoro we on good terms, you would sometimes ask him to help you train and would study him a lot. You were never really a love-crazy person, but something about the way Zoro carries himself made your heart beat a little faster, It got especially worse when you started hanging around him more often. Obviously you would never want to admit this, even if you do sometimes let your mind wander off thinking about him, or would sometimes catch yourself staring at him too hard while he trained. You don't want to admit you have a slight crush on him, because if you did you'd only have your heart broken. You respected Zoro, but you also acknowledge how empty-headed he can be, you know that someone like Zoro doesn't do love, the only thing on his mind was swords, sake, and sleep. You'd sometimes daydream about what he'd be like as a boyfriend, but you knew it would never work between you two. Although you knew all of this... you still had those nights when you'd crave his touch, fantasizing what it would feel like to have his big thick hands caress the hot inners of your thighs, feel the warmth of his body against yours, the idea of having him manhandle you all night long just excited you.

"Oi, you should pick whichever blanket and pillow you want before the others get back"

With that you snapped back from being lost in thought, all this Zoro nonsense was starting to get to your head. You didn't want to like him, but your heart said "hmm yes, sword-man"

it was first come first serve when it came to the blankets/pillows, some were better than others so you took the chance to take the best ones. Zoro on the other hand took whichever one he picked up first.

You didn't know where to lay your stuff, so you just picked the middle of the deck. Zoro just plopped his stuff across from yours. Your feelings regarding him just kept coming back to your head, but after hearing Sanji and Luffy come out of the kitchen and the others start returning to the deck, you felt more at ease.

Sanji and Luffy were carrying some snacks that the chef had prepared, dead eyeing Luffy to make sure he didn't even eat a crumb of it, alas, we know how Luffy is.

A few kicks in the hip later and everyone had finally settled down into their sleeping area, Sanji though was handing out special desserts he had made for the ladies. You know how Sanji is.

When you first joined the crew you had a pretty big crush on Sanji, he had stolen your heart with his kindness, respect, and obviously his gentlemanliness. You knew if you wanted to be in a relationship with him, you could. However as time went on, your thoughts started flying everywhere, you'd wonder if he'd be a committed boyfriend, and you'd soon come to your conclusion that he just didn't seem like the loyal type, though you didn't have any proof of this well other then the fact he acts like a dog in heat around other women, thoughts just kept building up to the point where you started to distance yourself from him a little. Not by too much, just ignoring his flirtatious comments/compliments, never being in a room alone with him, and always being one of the first people to leave the kitchen after they're done eating. However, even with all your efforts to get this man outta your heart, you still can't look him in the eyes for too long without blushing, the way he gazes at you so softly always makes your heart melt.

"Y/n! I made you this pastry, I put all my heart into it! I hope it tastes as good as you look~"

His stupid heart-eyed expression always annoyed you, he'd do that to any girl he sees in a 1-mile radius. You thanked him and took his pastry, adverting eye contact.

You hated how pathetic you felt, both Zoro and Sanji had no clue how they made you feel, and that alone made you feel so small, and it's not like you'd do anything to change that. You just needed to grow up.

As the night went on the straw hat pirates did a list of activities to do. They built a blanket fort, made s'mores (Sanji did all the work, although Luffy did try to make a fire that almost ended in setting the ship on fire merry pt2) Had a pillow fight (which resulted in a few people flying off the ship) Played hide and seek, told scary storys, and finally ending in Robin reading everyone a bedtime story. You almost forgot this was a sleepover and not a party from how much fun you were having, but good things have to come to an end. Everyone was falling asleep, and you were even finding yourself..dozing...off....into.......sleep..............

....

"ACK"

You jolted up awake looking around confused, then look down to see what just hit you...

ah.

You piece the puzzle together, luffy had somehow turned upside down in his sleep and kicked you in the face by accident.

You wanted to hit him back but decided not to, you knew it'd wake up the others in the process.

You looked around to see everyone dead asleep with snores echoing to the area. you guessed it has been a few hours since everyone had fallen asleep. You get up and stretched your back, rubbing your eyes and making your way to the kitchen to grab a drink. You tried to not wake anyone up but it was hard considering it was like a maze to get out of with everyone sleeping on the floor and all. You'd soon happen to walk right above Sanji without even realizing, he grunted softly and adjusted his legs a little but that was enough movement to stop you right in your tracks. You could hear nothing but your heartbeat, it was a nerve-wracking feeling. You stared at him for a while, letting a deep sigh out. You were standing right above his face, with each foot on each side of his shoulder, if he were to wake up to this sight of you... you'd die of embarrassment, never being able to look at him the same. The more you stood there, the more your mind spun with late-night thoughts,

"what if I just sat on his face"

As soon as you thought that you turned bright red, and finally continued your way to the kitchen.

Finally, you made it to the kitchen, after what felt like years. You grab a cup and start filling it up with water until you hear someone walking outside the kitchen, your heart almost skipping a beat. You thought everyone had been off in dreamland at this time of night, but someone was awake aside from you.

You where just about to go see who it is until you hear a loud thud, then some arguing. You had a sneaking suspicion of who it was.

You walked over to check the deck and alas, Zoro had "accidentally" stepped on Sanji's foot, causing Sanji to wake up. They were about to start a commotion until you grabbed their attention and Motion them to shush.

You were thinking how this can get any worse? They end up coming to the kitchen to see what you're up to. At this point, you're panicking a little bit, you alone with the two of them? that thought alone gets your mind racing. You assure yourself that nothing is going to happen.

"Whatcha doing awake at this time of hour?"

"Luffy kicked me awake, I was just grabbing a glass of water."

"Are you ok?? does it still hurt??"

Sanji walked over to you to get a better look at your face, his face closer than it has ever been to yours, his eyes...you felt your heart doing break dances in the sudden excitement but also felt embarrassed. You dodged the eye contact and nervously faked laughed

"Ya! im fine, don't worry it wasn't too hard"

you walked off to take a seat at the table, cup in hand.

"Zoro, what'ya up for?"

"I heard some movement and noise... came to check who it was, ended up waking this guy up to"

Sanji shot an annoyed stare at Zoro, and Zoro shot one back. The tension between them was getting out of hand, you just wanted to drink your water in peace. You decided to cut the water short and go back to sleep, you were about to get up but Zoro gave an idea.

"Well, since we'll all awake, how about we do something while we have a drink"

"That's just your dumb excuse to drink sake you stupid celery stick."

"and what about it? you curly fry!"

What did he wanna do? Zoro went to grab the sake, Sanji looked like steam was about to come out his ears.

He'd had gotten 2 sake bottles and 1 empty one.

"I knew you were an idiot but come on? I hope you know thats an empty bottle"

"of course I know you dumbass"

Zoro was gritting his teeth in anger. You couldn't help but wonder what the empty bottle was for... Zoro placed the three bottles down, he had brought 2 cups for the sake and gave one to you, he didn't care enough to bring one for Sanji. He sat back down and poured himself a cup, he put the second bottle closer to you. You looked at Sanji, but he was too busy giving Zoro a dirty look.

"Whatever! I didn't wanna drink anyways"

You knew you couldn't handle sake, it was too strong for your taste. 2 or 3 cups full would probably get you pretty drunk. You decided to fill the cup up and down it. You never really liked the taste of sake, you didn't understand how Zoro can drink this stuff all the time.

"Time to play truth or dare"

Zoro smirked as he looked at both you and Sanji. Your eyes widen a little.

"you're on"

"What?"

Zoro placed the bottle down ready to spin, it's not really how you play truth or dare, at least not the way you played it. there was never a bottle involved?.

He spins the bottle, sending it spinning around the table. You were sitting at the end table while Zoro was sitting on the left and Sanji on the right. The bottle stopped closer to the left side.

"Your up Zoro, truth or dare"

"dare"

Zoro didn't even hesitate, caught you a little off guard, but that didn't stop you from coming up with something.

" Yell out the first word that comes to your head "

"SAKE."

You shook a bit when he yelled that. You didn't expect him to do it so fast without hesitation. He drank more of his sake and spun the bottle again. You were a little scared, but you felt excited. But that excitement soon turned to dread when you saw the bottle slowly stop on you.

"Y/n! Truth or dare?"

"uhh...truth?..."

You had thought that truth would've been better than dare, you were in the heat of the moment, and it's usually common knowledge that dare is worse than truth, but for a split second, you had forgotten what situation you were in. You had forgotten who you were with.

"hmm..."

there was a moment of silence between the three of you. The tension was ripping you apart. You drank another cup of your sake. You were trying to make a mental note to not drink too much, but all you could focus on was the words that were going to come out of one of their mouths. They both looked at each other, then at you, then back at each other. You felt your palms begin to sweat a little, you were cupping them in between your legs playing with your thumbs.

"What is your biggest fantasy?"

Sanji was staring at you like you were about to tell them where the one piece was. The sudden attention on you had you suddenly blush. You couldn't look them in the eye, you couldn't even think of a fake answer. The first thing that came to your mind was having your way with both of them. Your face grew red and knew that you couldn't just say nothing. You started to feel the sake, you started to crack a smile. You couldn't hide it now, they were staring at you wondering what you were thinking.

"M-my fantasy..."

Your eyes looking down the whole time, you weren't brave enough to bring them up. your imagination was running wild, and before you realized it, you were spacing out again

"Is-- too--... be with..."

You realized what you were about to say and blinked away the dumbness. You quickly looked up to see them, but that only sent more butterflies to attack your tummy. You caught both of their eyes and felt yourself burning up.

"be with? what do you like someone?"

When Zoro said that Sanji looked like his soul had flown out of his body. You had no idea what to say, you had dug your own grave.

"ah n- uh well... uhm..."

With the sake and the level of embarrassment, you were feeling right now you couldn't form a clear sentence. You thought maybe you should drink more sake, to loosen up, but then who knows what'll you'll say next

"y/n— do you really like someone??"

Sanji was in disbelief, To be honest, it was a more genuine reaction than what you would have thought.

"That isn't... the question... I don't have to answer that"

Even without saying it both of them knew You had someone in your heart. Little did they know it was the two of them! You knew your cover was busted. They just couldn't find out it was them.

"alright fine, let's change the question, who do you like y/n?"

Zoro had an evil grin on his face, it annoyed you to the core. It also annoyed you that they were pressing you about a whole new question!

"That wasn't the original q-question! That's... not fair!"

"Well, you didn't answer the other question in time, so time for a new one."

You were beyond annoyed but also nervous as hell. How has this situation gotten worse? You cursed Zoro for being such a dick! You hated that you liked him. Plus Sanji is over there eager to know your answer, giving you all his undivided attention.

"I like...some guy...you don't know him"

Sanji looked so defeated, While Zoro over there just stared at you, you weren't even able to keep eye contact for a second without feeling your face warm up. You dont understand what they expected, or what you should've said??

The night goes on and after a while, the truths started to become worse than the dares. There was a rule where you could only pick the same thing 3 times in a row or else on your 4th time the other players get to pick for you. There were some incidents where you forgot the rule and it ended in an embarrassing mess. You'd had taken your last cup of sake for the night making it at 4 cups and at that point your inner self was on do not disturb and your embarrassment had flown out the window, the men in front of you took notice of this. Now, The bottle is on Sanji, you are thinking of a truth question but you just end up blurting out the first thing you think of.

"hehehe.... What ... turns you on the most? sannnji~"

Your question caught both Zoro and Sanji completely off guard. You went from not being able to make eye contact to this? You stayed giggly and kept looking at the stunned blonde. Sanji was Speechless, his face blushed with a little bit of pink. None of them have ever seen this side of you. It was a turn-on in itself!

"haa...uhh..probably would be..."

He already knew the answer, but could never say it was you, but of course he wants to say you. He's loved you ever since you joined the crew. He loves you so much it hurts to not be around you, but he doesn't want to force anything or make things uncomfortable for you. He didn't want to say anything to you because he couldn't read you sometimes, one day you'll be kind to him and the next you'd be giving him the cold shoulder. He didn't want to make the wrong move so he just went your flow, but by doing so it sorta created a distance between the two of you. He always tells himself it's what you want, but it still breaks him. He'd think about you every night before he slept, hoping one day you love him as much as he loves you. He doesn't like to think of himself as a pervert, but every now and then when he's taking care of "Business" he'd always Dream of you, how you'd look completely exposed under him while he plants a kiss over your soft face, then on your neck, then your perked up breast, thinking of that alone can get him stone hard.

He looked at you, you looked so adorable, like nothing in the world mattered.

"as long as its the person I love, anything they do can get me going"

He didn't break eye contact, but gave a soft smile to you, it was like he was trying to tell you with his eyes. You on the other hand were too drunk to get the memo. Sanji grabbed the bottle and gave it a hard spin. It eventually stopped on Zoro, he had only been doing dares when given the chance, so now it's his turn to do truth. You gave him this Big cheeky smile alongside a giggle. After that question Sanji got, Zoro wasn't too excited about whatever you were about to spit out.

"....How many ...people have you slept with?"

He knew he shouldn't be surprised but damn. Your expression plus the way you said that was so....he felt his heart skipping and doing a little dance. You looked so vulnerable in his eyes, made him just wanna carry you to somewhere private and have his way with you. He didn't even realize he had feelings for you, not until a few weeks ago. He was Training like usual but it felt more empty like Something was missing. when he was done, he saw you talking to Luffy. He knew nothing was going on between you two but something about how happy you looked bugged the hell outta him. He wanted to just walk over and sweep you away, he wanted you to only ever be that happy when you're with him. That's when he realized, what was he thinking? he thought he might've been tired so he took a nap but even in his dreams he saw you, but you were so out of reach. It drove him crazy, to the point he couldn't even look at you without feeling a pain in his chest. He knew at that point it was love, it had to be.

"Hmm, 3"

Zoro had been with a few people way before he had met Luffy, but this news absolutely blew you away, you couldn't even hide how visibly surprised you were. This meant that Zoro actually cared about his love life?? well at least his sex life, but you were jumping to conclusions. This all hit you at once, like a big sign that said "YOU HAVE A CHANCE" you didn't even know what to say, but before you could muster up anything he had already gone and spun the bottle. You were still processing all the thoughts in your head, not even noticing the bottle barely on your side.

"y/n Truth or dare"

now that you know Zoro could potentially develop feelings, you go in for the kill. At this point, you had all the confidence in the world.

"I p-pick truth!!"

you were riding the little bit of hope you had, you fully believed in yourself. You were ready for whatever they were about to say! However You took a look at Zoro, he was giving this devilish smirk and looked like he was trying to contain a laugh. He looked up to meet your eyes.

"Who would you rather want to sleep with, Me, or Curlybrows?"

You looked at Zoro, a little puzzled, even Sanji let out a small gasp, he didn't think Zoro would ask such a straightforward question. Zoro knew if worse came to worse he could blame it on the booze.

You knew that too.

...

"I-I'd rather sleep with both of you"

You saying that felt like a 10-ton hammer had been lifted off of you. You felt so free now that you have nothing to hide anymore. Other than your feelings. Maybe they got the hint? you looked back at them, both flushed with a red tint down to their neck, Sanji grabbing a tissue to block the blood from coming out his nose while Zoro froze up. The room went silent for a moment until it was broken by the sound of Zoro's chair backing up. You looked up at Zoro wondering what he was doing? Maybe you weirded him out and he was leaving, you never stopped looking at him until he had walked right up to you.

"It's a damn shame you didn't say just me, but hey, better than nothing"

Quickly he spun your chair to face him and leaned forward to grab your chair armrest.

"You idiot marimo! Whattya-"

Sanji quickly got up to back Zoro away from you.

"Shut it you shitty chef... listen for a second"

He never broke eye contact with you. Him leaning above you gripping your arm rests for some reason turned you on? the roughness was extremely hot.

"I know your drunk.... but tell me where you being serious"

You were confused why Zoro took it so personally. In response to his question, you shook your head yes. He moved his face closer to your ear, you could feel his body warmth from how close he was.

" would you wanna do it now? "

His words lingered in your ear, his deep whispery voice made you clinch your thighs together. Took a second for you nod yes, you haden't fully realized your actions before Zoro picked you up and plopped you on his shoulder your ass towards his face while you stared dumbfounded at Sanji.

"You heard her Curlybrows, she wants us to fuck her"

You've never seen Sanji so flabbergasted, it was honestly kinda cute, but that was the last thing on your mind right now. They were gonna what you? you looked at Sanji to see him following Zoro, bring more tissues. You cover your face, you didn't know if he was joking or not, but here you are at The aquarium bar. No one was gonna hear anything, was he being serious??

He sat you down on the long sofa, giving you a peck on the forehead. Sanji then followed by sitting next to you. He looked eager to touch you, his eyes scanning your body, but he took your hand and kissed all around it, kissing your palm, your fingers, your knuckles, then finally looking at you, the light from the aquarium tank made him look so Beautiful.

"Are you sure you want this darling?"

Your heart almost exploded in your chest, this is what you've been waiting for, this moment right now. To give them all your love. You felt Zoro take your other hand and kiss your wrist slowly trailing up, stopping on your skin and looking at you, waiting for your answer.

"yes...

Please..."

You could feel Zoros smirk on your skin, he snuck a few more kisses in and got up on his feet.

"Curlybrow."

Zoro balled his hand in a fist, initiating a game of rock paper scissors. Without questioning, Sanji did the same.

"Rock, paper Scissors"

Sanji had won.

Zoro gave a defeated look, while even tho Sanji had no clue why they were doing this, he was still smug because he had won.

Zoro took your hand and tugged you in front of him, your back directly on his chest. You could feel his erection on your ass, and knowing how turned on he was made you even hornier.

"I got top, you got bottom"

Sanji was already happy he beat Zoro, but now he gets to eat you out too? he couldn't be more excited. He got on his knees and slowly started taking off your shorts, letting them drop to your ankles. He couldn't believe the sight he was seeing, taking it all in and staring without making a move, the way he eyed your wet panties made you needier.

You jolted a little when you felt a wet kiss on the crease of your underwear, he licked the brim, and he kissed all around your panties just before spreading your thighs more to get a better angle of your covered pussy. He started to lick your clit through your panties, he could already tell how wet you were before he even started. He suckled and pushed his saliva through your underwear making you lean into his mouth, even with your panties on he still somehow managed to devour you.

While Sanji was getting busy feasting on your honeypot, Zoro had already crawled his way under your shirt into your bra. He had mange to sleep with women before, but that doesn't mean he knows how to take off a bra, after all, he's still a dumbass. you could tell he was struggling a little, which made you internally giggle and crack a half smile until he had enough and literally ripped that shit in half. The shock shoved you deeper into Sanji's face causing you to slightly moan, you saw your ripped bra fall to the floor and a pair of Big calloused hands Touch you up. Your soft skin, your scent, and your little gasps at every touch were driving Zoro mad. He was a hungry beast and you were the only cure for his Hunger. He dug his face into your neck while he messaged your breasts, sucking your shoulder, then moving to the side of your neck, from the side moving to the back. You could feel him taking in your Pleasant aroma, it gave you Goosebumps.

You were getting needier, you wanted more. It felt as if they were just testing the waters, you bit the inside of your bottom lip slightly staring at Sanji's head. He kissed all around your thigh, lifting his head and now making eye contact with you.

"Can I take this off, sweetheart?"

He tugged slightly at your panties, his eyes were as soft as his touch. You nodded your head yes and felt him slowly take them off. You felt the cold air meet your wet cunt, you could also feel how wet your panties were when he took them off. Your legs flinched a little at the new cold atmosphere. Your bottoms have completely been taken off and were fully exposed. you could just feel Sanji's extreme gaze on you, he rubbed his hand up and down your thigh as he pecked kisses all around the front of your pussy.

His tongue taking lead and slowly made a sloppy trail to meet your slit. You twitch your legs slightly closer and a small airy "ah" moans out your mouth. You could feel Sanji's mouth touch your sweet clit, he groaned into your cunt making your legs shake. Zoro was getting busy full-on needing your tits, He brushed against your now erected nipples, toying with them. He made sure to not fully play with them just to tease you a little.

"Z-Zoro"

You whisper bringing your hand to touch your breasts, but before you could Zoro pinned your hands behind your back and pushed his boner into your ass, slamming your pussy all in Sanji's face. you let out a desperate moan as you felt Sanji's groan vibrate throughout your body, he didn't stop his feast and continued to eat you out. His tongue flicked your clit at a rapid pace, sucking and licking like that was the last meal he'll ever eat. You jolted at the sudden bite Zoro had marked on the side of your neck. He was still holding your hands tight, he won't allow you to help him. With his free hand he grabbed your face by the cheeks to pull you into a wet kiss. He groaned into your mouth and could feel how hard he was breathing, he slide his tongue in pushing your faces closer together like he wanted to merge.

You both pulled out of your intense kiss, gasping for air. Sanji wasn't letting up, his tongue was like a gift from god. He went from fast licking and suckles, to slow tongue glides across your sensitive spot. You felt Zoros mouth right over your ear, He bit it softly and sucked on the area he had bit. You let out a louder moan, goosebumps ran through your body as you felt Zoros wet tongue enter your ear. The feeling was so new, your body squirmed at the feeling, but that only made you rub against Sanji's tongue more. His wet tongue moved its way along the inside of your ear, you could hear his groans Crystal clear. You felt yourself coming to a climax, Your back arched and you locked Sanji's face in between your thighs.

"I-I'm— ahh!"

You couldn't form a sentence, the pleasure was too immense. They understood that you were about to cum, you felt Sanji pick the pace up a little, and Zoro with played with your nipples. You let out a finishing moan and leaned forward into Sanji's face, feeling your eyes roll to the back of your head. Your legs shook profusely as you felt overwhelmed, you were on your tippy toes at this point. Drool ran down your face as you felt you're high come down, your legs became weak as Sanji pulled away. Zoro had bear-hugged you for support just in case, you were breathing so heavily it sounded like you were whimpering.

Sanji kissed your thigh, his soft wet lips against the inside of your Shakin thigh made you Twitch. Zoro still hugging you, lifted you and sat you back down on the sofa. You looked at them both, Zoro was as red as a tomato, and Sanji cleaned his face with his thumb, your juices glistened on his finger, his face was bloodshot red and looked like he was about to blow up. You then noticed the tent that laid on his pants, you looked at Zoro, just to see the same.

Sanji is still on his knees, laying his head on your lap. You motioned him to sit on the sofa, which he quickly did.

Your heart was still beating heavily, you wanted to make them feel as good as they made you. You turn to Zoro and whisper in his ear

"You'll be in back"

As you drew your head away from him, You could see the not-so-slick smirk that had crept onto his flustered face, Zoro didn't even try and hide his satisfaction. Sanji had wondered what you told him, but before he could ask you had gotten on all fours and faced Sanji, you pecked a kitten kiss onto his still-wet lips. As you went further down, your back arched more upwards, lifting your ass for Zoros view. They had both got the memo, Sanji protested cupping your face in his hands.

"Wait-! Y/n, I don't want to get your Beautiful face dirty... you don't have to do this"

His cute puppy-eyed face made you wanna do it even more.

"I want to do this...I...I've been waiting to..."

Sanji bit his lip and groaned at the way you stroked his hardness slowly up and down. You didn't even give him a chance to protest, he was already melting from your touch. You could feel Zoro message your ass slowly, like he was waiting for something. He rubbed his erection onto your exposed cunt, You held in your moan, you craved him more than ever. You slid off Sanji's pants and pulled his dick out, you looked at it wondering if you could really take him all in your mouth. However, before you got to test that thought you felt Zoro smack your ass, you yelped in shock. He bent forward a little and pulled your face up towards him, he whispered deeply in your ear

"you didn't tell me what you wanted."

His voice was so rich and gruff in your ear, you let out a small Exhale as he dug his crotch into your ass, rubbing it slowly.

"I— want you"

"You want me what?"

"to..f-fuck me.."

He hummed hearing you say that "Now put it all together" he teased

"I-I want you to fuck me Zoro!"

"That's my girl"

He set you back to doggy style and grabbed your ass, sanji kissed your forehead before giving Zoro an ugly look. Not for too long tho, when he felt your tongue meet the tip of his dick. He couldn't even remember what he was mad about. He jolted and let out not so concealed groan.

You sucked the tip feeling it twitch in your mouth. The warmth filled you as you took more of him, licking around his Veins, You got off to seeing how much pleasure that was spread onto Sanji's face. That thought was cut sort becuase of a sudden pressure you felt in your backside. You almost choked when you felt the tip of Zoros dick press into your entrance. You didn't expect him to be so thick, you felt a moan bubble up and couldn't hold it in, letting out a muffled moan onto Sanji's member. Which he surely enjoyed.

"Mmh!"

Your walls wrapped around him like a Christmas present, the grip was real he felt like he could cum just like that but he knew that wouldve been embrassing He gripped your ass and let out a broken grunt. Your toes curled with each inch he went deeper, you could feel his dick pulsing in you. He spread your cheeks apart with his thumbs, to get a better look at how his dick just fills you up. He suddenly pulled out slowly, you let out a little whine of confusion. You wanted to look back at him and see what he was doing, but as he was tip-deep he thrusted hard into you. Your legs jolt together, you feel Sanji's dick hit the back of your throat, you couldn't help but let out a choked gag.

Zoro's thrusts were slow but hit hard, he'd try to go slow, but his patients was running low, he couldn't help it when his hips started to pick up the pace.You bobbed your head up and down feeling Sanji's tip hit the back of your throat. Slurping his dick out your mouth you look up at him as you let your tongue roll out, all the juices that's been building in your mouth leak from your tongue to the head of his member.

"shit..."

Sanji really couldn't hold back how much he wanted to just devour you, his face went apple red as he bit his lip and tried to keep eye contact. His chest grew and shrank as his breath increased, you put him back into your mouth while stroking him. You loved seeing him this Squamish, you loved his soft moans and groans, any noise that came out his mouth made you want to have the sloppiest make-out session. You loved the Control you had over him and his pleasure, you felt your clit pulsing, you went to go play with it but Zoro grabbed your arm and folded it behind you. He went for your other arm and crossed it behind your back. He gripped your hands tight as his hips slammed against your ass, he was going all in now, his thrusts sounded like gun shots, he wanted to go as deep as he could. Loud moans and groans filled the air along with slapping sounds, Your head was getting fuzzy and your eyes where clouded.

The hard thrusts and motions from Zoro did all the work for you when giving head to Sanji, The sensation made your teary eyes roll back, you felt your stomach knot, and your moans became more loud and desperate. You felt yourself reach your limit as Zoro hit your cervix. Your legs shook and tightened up as you felt yourself cramp up, warm tears ran down your stuffed face. You moaned onto Sanji's dick when you felt him bring his hands to your face, his thumbs rubbing away your tears from your puffed-up flustered cheeks.

Sanji's hands tensed up, he was reaching his climax feeling his dick hit the back of your throat, hearing the gurgling noises you made with each thrust Drilled into his ear. He was drunk on lust, he didn't even realize he was gripping your face slightly and moving his hands along with each thrust Zoro did. He let out one last groan as he filled your mouth with his seed. Zoro wasn't too far off from his own release. He held your hands with one hand and your neck with the other, slapping against you again and again. Edging closer to his pleasure like an animal in heat. His breath was out of sync with his movement and his grunts started becoming more rough. He quickly pulled out and painted your ass white, he held his twitchy cock on your ass stroking it vigorously until nothing came out.

As everyone came down from their high, both Zoro and Sanji realized how messy things had got. Your face is covered in a mix of cum and saliva, and your ass is graffitied with Zoros jizz. Sanji had taken a minute to question what happened to all the stuff in your mouth? He dragged his thumb to your bottom lip and slowly pressed into your mouth, to see everything had been gone. A part of him was extremely turned on

"did you swallow it darling??"

Sanji was both concerned and extremely flustered, but before he got to overreact you felt your legs go weak, you couldn't hold yourself up anymore and collapsed.

You woke up on deck, Your face tucked in zoros neck. Your body still felt sore but it was bearable, you were all cleaned up from what the three of you had done. Having zoro hold you with such security and softness made you feel at ease. You heard the others from the kitchen, it was only you and Zoro who hadn't gone to breakfast. You felt bad for Sanji since he couldn't sleep in with you. You looked at Zoros's resting face, you examined him how handsome he was.

"Go back to sleep"

He mumbled, adjusted his pose, and pulled you closer to him. You gave him a little peck on the neck before you felt your tiredness creep up on you, it was not long before you and him Fell back to sleep with the morning wind brushing against your warm faces~ꨄ

[sonicasura]

JJBA: Jonathan's Toonventures

Yeah, you read that right. I've seen so many Pizza Tower posts full of Jojo references, whether from the game or not, that it was time for a change in pace. Plus experimenting with Jonathan is always fun as he probably get used to insanity better than the other Joestars. Let's delve in deeper shall we?

After his final encounter with Dio, Jonathan wakes up in an alleyway near Peppino's Pizzeria. Now our gentle giant is in a Who Framed Rodger Rabbit scenario where he's a normal person while everyone else are toons but there's an additional twist. Should Jonathan get subjected to a cartoon style gag then he immediately becomes a toon himself!

A temporary condition since it only lasts between 30 mins to 1 hr 12 mins before he reverts back. This strange change later becomes a unique ability to Jonathan as he begins to understand and cultivate what he calls 'Toon Shift'. His toon form looks like himself but less definition to him.

Think Johnny Bravo without the shorter legs and a bit more balanced upper body ratio. Jonathan is found by a concerned Gustavo as the man still has some injuries from the last confrontation against Dio. Most notable being a large scar around his entire neck. Basically the guy looks like he been mugged by a gang.

Jonathan soon finds himself staying in Gustavo's apartment until he gets back on his feet. To not feel like a bum, the man decides to work at Peppino's restaurant. You can bet our anxious chef felt intimidated considering Jonathan is built like a brick wall but his kind demeanor eases any wariness.

It takes a long while before Jojo explains the supernatural side to the shit show he been through. Peppino and Gustavo only know the basics such as Dio being the sadistic foster sibling that made Jonathan's life hell who is also a dangerous criminal. For now, the three manage the pizzeria together away from dangerous sanity.

You can bet that Jonathan may have brought a boon of customers to the restaurant. Handsome buff dude whose a sweetheart tends to draw admirers especially if the person has the Joestar charm. Combine that with good tasting food at a great price and Peppino's finances are recovering from heavy debt.

The tale isn't restricted to just Pizza Tower as AntonBall/Blast are also in here. It's mainly because references between the two games tend to be found in either media plus both development teams supported each other. (There is literally a tweet from Summitsphere saying Anton is married to Peppino! You can't make such a post without being on good terms.)

Anyway Jonathan tends to get wrapped up in Anton and Annie's shenanigans too. Particularly the Ball Incident which almost ended with the red man getting banned from Peppino's restaurant. Good albeit very impromptu way to make sure his Hamon don't get rusty.

Jonathan still retains the abilities he gained during Part 1 although his Stand is gonna be a discussion for a different post. Peppino, Gustavo, Anton and Annie are the only ones who know about Hamon. Injuries tend to be common with the group so Jonathan is usually in charge of first aid. (Also the designated driver whenever alcohol is involved.)

Do know if someone calls Hamon 'Fancy ass breathing' then Annie and Anton are the ones who started it. (Jonathan can only imagine William Zeppeli's reaction to that particular joke. The man would probably whack them both on the head.)

Of course the peace doesn't last long as a certain pizza flavored nutjob decides the time has come to threaten Peppino's business. Jonathan ends up joining in on the events of Pizza Tower. Perfect place to explain how you exactly got isekaied into a cartoon universe! Although he gets separated from the group multiple times throughout the journey.

The most notable case is on Floor 4's Boss Zone. (Peppino might've threatened Mr Stick to hand over the Boss Gate without pay once he found out.) Jonathan stumbled around there quite awhile before he made it to the abandoned pizzeria.

Ironically enough Peppino came inside only to find his friend having tea with 'Pep'. The boss genuinely thought Jonathan was a potential customer to the abandoned pizzeria. Fight still happens as Peppino is the target of Pizzahead's hostility thus Pep's enemy.

Jonathan tries to stop the two from killing each other. (Not the first time a Joestar tries to make peace with an enemy.) The bluenette's nature does reach through as Pep lets them escape and doesn't join the boss rush thrust against the group.

Although Peppino definitely made Jonathan take partial responsibility for the walking eldritch horror at work when he shows up at the restaurant after closing hours. (Pep stays with the anxious man as he rather not leave him alone in the diner and not make Gustavo's place more crowded. Jonathan is apartment hunting.)

Now Jojo still wonders how everyone else is doing back home. If Erina's doing well considering the last time he saw her was amidst an attack by Dio on their honeymoon. Something he muses about whenever Anton invites the group for drinks. (Jonathan does get dragged into the construction worker's latest job.)

The man will get answers soon although not in a way he suspects. After all, why should he be the only one to get dragged back into chaos? Plus everyone deserves to gets a taste of cartoon insanity.

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

1, 9, 12, 16, 17, 21?

1. the character everyone gets wrong

i've answered this one already but gonna double down on dan heng/dan feng (their relation cannot be defined as black and white as fandom wants it to be) & neuvillette (he's not a uwu cry baby who doesn't know what sex is)

9. worst part of canon

[puts on my clown shoes] the high cloud quintet......... and also the fact that jing yuan literally has no reason to be in the story as is. they did not utilize his character at ALL when they could have easier done some cool things with him, but it all fell flat in the end and it sucks since he was the character i got into hsr for (im a big fan of his eng VA and only started playing bc of him)

and for genshin. they nerfed dottore with sexy anime ass plague doctor aesthetic. its just so boring and predictable. RIP webttore you should have survived the dottore segment hunger games not omega :/

12. the unpopular character(s) that you actually like and why more people should like them

the entire narzissenkreuz cast.... like genuinely one of the coolest and most tragic group of characters from more recent in game history that is fully expanded on in world quests. it a great self contained story told over 3 patches and offers neat context to the events of the fontaine archon quests but more specifically.... rene de petrichor i love you and youre unhinged culty academic shenanigans

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

im sorry but fanon haikaveh (its annoying & reduces their characters down to just a tropey ship) and jingheng (its boring) and i understand why people like neuvifuri and its neat they can be read as so many different relationship dynamics but i very much dislike it in a romantic sense.

i hate the weird sexualization of wriothesley being a prison warden x prisoner! reader, canon character, oc etc

but as for general tropes i think friends to lovers is boring and a snooze fest on its own. wheres the drama....the conflict.... the compelling plot. and i think high school aus are cringe in general. especially from either adult writers or characters who are already adults in canon

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

like in general? im sick of seeing so much rendered/soft shaded 'anime-esque' fanart being the most appreciated in fandom spaces. not to say these folks aren't talented they ARE but it feels like their type of work is the only stuff being praised and lifted in communities i personally would REALLY love to see more graphic and exaggerated cartoon work because i feel like there can so much personality put into pieces like than rather than just pure skill and technique in more rendered/painted styles of work

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

i really don't have any interested in the traveler as a character. i understand Why they exist but id have just as much if not more fun if they didn't have a story arc of their own........ the abyss twin being connected to khaehnri'ah and the abyss order is more interesting than the traveler's entire journey

[xplrvibes]

i thought they got some of the best evidence ever but it would of been better if tommy wasn't being so rude to the spirits. both sam and colby looked annoyed or mad with him at times.

The thing with these streamers in general is that they are all used to providing very fast paced, high energy, laughs a million type of content for their viewers...which is fine, except for when you kind of need the polar opposite to be happening. It's like the Tortoise and the Hare...they are the Hare in this scenario, but we really just need a bunch of Tortoise/Hare hybrids, I suppose.

But they don't know that life. They only know the life of a Hare.

I will say, there were a few points where their mouths were running and Colby was looking at them with this dazed, almost flummoxed look on his face, very "wtf are these kids on right now?" which I guess goes well with the whole DILF thing lol...but there was one point where they were in Elspeth's room and Tommy goes, "Fuck you, witch!" and Sam's jaw dropped open like a cartoon character's. I thought it was gonna roll across the floor and he was gonna have to roll it up like shades lmao. He was in utter shock.

That made me laugh in spite of the situation, so point for them, I guess?

Anyway, I do agree that the evidence probably would have been better if there had been less shenanigans overall. I do think the little "hi" was interesting and very clear, but I also feel like there were definitely people outside fucking with them so idk what to make of all the stuff that came after that. The candle falling...cool, but they also said many times that the floors moved anytime they stepped on them so idk if I'd necessarily attribute that to the paranormal just yet.

The coolest part was the Estes Method at the end, with the rem pod going off when Colby said "enter" and the light going off when he said "see" (also, I had to laugh when one of the streamers accused Sam of turning the light off and he got all huffy and flustered lol).

Also, Colby lifting his blindfolded ass head and zeroing in on Jack was so fucking creepy, like I know it's probably coincidence (although maybe not; we'll never know because they never explain themselves after these Estes Methods which is such a gripe of mine- but I digress), but goddamn did that feel like a horror movie Moment lol.

Overall, it was fun- but I think it could've been a great location with a Conjuring level of evidence and vibes if they had focused in a little better. That's all!

[lannisterdaddyissues]

OKAY SO I WAS JUST GOING THROUGH MY ASKS TAG AND SOMEHOW I NEVER REPLIED TO THIS I AM SO SORRY!!!!!

but ahhh yes hangman and phoenix being co-conspirators is everything to me!!! they're both the nosiest AND the most desperate for mav's attention (in canon) so they're going to do everything to make sure he sticks around once they get attached 😈

and oooh i love the idea of some extra scenes thrown in there like you said above! the cartoon shenanigans are great ideas too ahhhh i love them, mav getting the flu after they swim back is soooo 🤌🤌🤌and ice nursing him back to health!! gahhh this is everything to me

and HASFKLSGDHJKLGSKf that ice reaction is pretty much no different than in canon LOL in every universe is just like "what is this guy's PROBLEM" until he realizes he's fallen head over ass, no two ways about it 😭

and ahhh i like the idea of the omegaverse background being tied to mav's past in the abbey ... and i kinda like the idea of it not being a main plot point or a huge thing as well, kinda just there in the background and the fic as a whole isn't about that, it's just a little something extra y'know? but yeah i like it because then they get to have so many more kids LOL

(mav in the nun outfit hfdhsjsdhgjfs dont tempt me...)

AND CYCLONE AS BARONESS SCHRAEDER I'M CRYING THAT'S THE BEST CROSSOVER I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE, HE FITS PERFECTLY!!!!!! YOU'VE CONNECTED THE DOTS--

anyway who would uncle max be AND WHY IS IT SLIDER

I saw your reblog of the Sound of Music gifset and may I be so bold as to suggest: IceMav Sound of Music AU plus ABO verse?

Alpha!Ice as the slowly thawing captain, omega!Mav as the governess? TG'22 class as the kids?

AHHHHH HELLO FRIEND WELCOME TO MY INBOX THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING IN (and for that delicious gif of christopher plummer as 6 year old me’s dilfsexual awakening… 👀) AND FOR LEAVING SUCH A YUMMY TREAT FOR ME!!!!

i was SO delighted when i saw this ask because if there are two things i love it’s 1) the sound of music and 2) icemav so naturally i would love to combine the sound of music and icemav right? FORTUNATELY i already have discussed this before with both @nicejobkid and @beterparker so i have Thoughts about this.

(i also have so many thoughts about the sound of music being mav’s favorite movie in canon but i can’t find the post i made on that right now so i’m just going to sit quietly and seethe)

but YES icemav sound of music au … the a/b/o verse was NOT included in our original draft but hey, what the hell! i can most certainly get behind it. i don’t have that many ideas for the a/b/o aspect of it right now but i love love LOVE the sound of music aspect of it…

just, ooooh i love the idea of mav being the one to teach ice to open his heart again, and just being so achingly mav that ice is helpless to stop himself from falling so hard and so fast after he starts to dethaw again… i love the idea of the daggers being their kids too bc those kids would ABSOLUTELY try to play matchmaker after things start to heat up between ice and mav… maybe we could have a little fun and spruce the au up with some original scenes too because i just know that hangman would be pushing ice and mav together like barbies, little shit that he is… phoenix too bc anything hangman does she has to do better LOL

and on mav’s side ugh the idea of him developing a very ill-advised crush on his hot boss who wants nothing to do with him is unfortunately so on-brand 😔 especially one he thinks is majorly out of his league (because in this au ice certainly would be)…

it’s interesting to think about how mav’s circumstances might affect his personality a little bit, the same with ice… but the most interesting and wholesome change to explore might be his faith (if one were to stick close to canon and make the abbey his home like maria) vs his sexuality and like… father viper (FATHER VIPER WOULD BE SO FUNNY) giving mav some very supportive lgbt ally parent advice about god loving all his children etc etc <3

maybe that would even be why mav leaves at first bc he’s not just in love with his boss who happens to be engaged to somebody else, he’s in love with a MAN … but love wins in the end and they all live happily ever after <3

anyway since you mentioned a/b/o thoughts like i said, i still don’t have many but uh . there might be something there with captain von trapp’s whistle 😏

[nerdyskullcap]

The reboot that actually needs to happen...

Ok, this is something that has bothered me for almost 10 years now. We have all these shows that are getting rebooted and revamped, but most of them got to live their whole stories and lives before being canceled or ending properly. You know what show deserved to be given at least another season, but got cut down? SWAT Kats! 

This show had everything, monster of the week, cool looking fighter jet fights, kick ass animation, great characters that had layers, secret identity shenanigans, and it was just overall great! It was taken off the air because, at the time of its original release, the censors were cracking down on “violent” cartoons. Looking back on SWAT Kats, its definitely not violent enough to warrant canceling especially when compared to shows like Infinity Train, Avatar the last airbender, and Batman TAS.

 I think that the series deserves to be made again the exact way the original show should have been made. It would be such a great nostalgic blast for so many people if they made the show to look like it belongs in the early 1990s and with things like Starlight Brigade we know its possible. I just think this show deserves to live its life out and be given the chance that was stolen from it to be a classic loved by people like me who enjoy Gargoyles, Batman TAS, and other old gritty cartoons.

[iggy-licious]

One Shot: Tête à Tête

OK... This is super long and super indulgent, but if you want smut, you got it. 😈 Iggy terrorizes a journalist and turns the tables for something much better for both of them. NSFW.

I just finished it, and I can't look at it anymore without going insane. 🤪 Please excuse any writing glitches.

Thank you for reading and going along with my Iggy shenanigans. ❤️❤️❤️

---------------------------------------

“You see,” he chuckles softly, “this is why I fucking hate doing interviews.” He tosses his fedora onto a nearby chair, runs a hand through his jet-black, dyed hair, shakes his head in disdain, and fishes his Marlboros and lighter out of his pocket. He leers at me, cigarette hanging onto his pouty bottom lip for dear life, before he lights it. He takes a puff and exhales the smoke in my direction, his mouth gaping slightly in what I could imagine to be a slow, satisfied exhale in a more romantic setting.

But we’re at an impasse, facing off at opposite sides of an overstuffed hotel couch. I made the cardinal sin of asking if The Stooges might ever get back together. 

Iggy remains silent and continues to smoke while staring me down. His look is full of slow-simmering anger and curiosity, as if he’s given up on the interview and is studying me to find creative ways to get under my skin.

But little does he know, he’s already succeeded at that.

The man had proved to be a good-natured, but eccentric, raconteur, and I was captivated by his stories and energy earlier. His smoky liner and shadow couldn’t blunt the sparkle in his large eyes when he gushed about the experimental nature of his Zombie Birdhouse album. I had been nervous going into the interview, but he had won me over with his intelligence, passion, and mild flirtation. It was fair to say that I had been in danger of him short-circuiting my professionalism. Him and those eyes, the color of a clear Caribbean lagoon. 

But that was then. Now, it's his scornful vibe that holds me in thrall. It screams of the primal unpredictability that was his ace in his old band. This nicotine pause feels like a dam holding back a flood of turbulent emotions. In the current, painful silence, I’m acutely aware that he could roar to life in a second and drown me in a passionate diatribe of words. Or, he could decide he’s bored and kick me out at any time. These thoughts set my heart into overdrive for many reasons, both professional and personal.

He’s studying me with an emotionless poker face, but his eyes feel like they're boring into mine. Large, blue, graced with the pretty eyelashes that most people get from a mascara tube.

His eyes turn out to be his secret weapon. I find myself powerless, waiting for his next words. After our initial discussion I'm surprised he can be anything less than an open book. I silently pray that I’ll come up with something to say, something that draws him in again, something that gets this interview back on track. Something that brings back his lopsided grin and the happy fluttering of infatuated butterflies in my stomach, if I'm being honest with myself. 

“Do you smoke?” he asks, lightly pinching the cigarette between his fingers and holding it out to me. He raises an eyebrow and smirks. 

I feel like it’s some weird test, the final exam of our time together. Now or never. Do or die.

Lucky for me, I do smoke. “I’ll take it,” I say, realizing how exhausted I feel from the tense minutes that have just transpired. I hope for the best. I can’t afford to blow this interview.

His lips turn upward in a subtle smile as I smoke. 

I’ve passed the test. 

I suck on the cigarette hard, preferring the party of deadly chemicals in my lungs to the charged air that hung thick in the room a moment before. I close my eyes and exhale. When I open them again, I meet his gaze, which he abruptly drops to my full lips, painted with a red that complements my light brown skin. He inspects the smudge of my lipstick on his cigarette when I return it, before stubbing it out in an ashtray.

“You know,” he says, tracing a finger on the arm of the couch, “I think you’re a good interviewer, a good conversationalist. I’m just tired of the pop culture psychoanalysis bullshit that goes down in these interviews. Do you know what I mean? How about we just talk for a while? About anything.” 

“That sounds nice,” I venture. Part of me will look for any opening to steer back to the interview, but part of me certainly doesn’t mind getting to know Iggy better.

He hits the stop button on my tape recorder and then walks to the mini-fridge. “No recording, no journalist, no so-called ‘godfather of punk,’ just you and me and some beers,” he says while setting a six-pack on the coffee table.

I look longingly at my recorder, wondering what juicy confessions I might miss if we talk more informally. I wouldn't dare turn it on, though, while the connection we're rebuilding is so fragile. 

Before I can panic, he frees a cold can of Pabst Blue Ribbon from its tight ring of plastic and hands it to me. Then, after he nips into his can, he tells me the story of his first beer and the shenanigans he'd gotten into back in Michigan, before The Stooges. This segues into talk about his favorite German beers and stories of misbehavior in Europe with David Bowie.

Iggy makes me laugh with his cartoon voices and facial expressions. I watch the vaguely man-shaped earring in his right ear dance with the rubber contortions of his face.

With the second beer cans, we’ve moved closer together on the couch, and I’ve taken off my black pumps. I’m thankful that my skin color hides the flush in my cheeks from the fizzy intoxicant.

His jokes get louder and more blue. We're back in a good conversation groove again. I haven’t laughed this hard in ages. 

My professional conscience chided me for beer number two, but the wheaty nectar in the third can has drowned out that small voice. Iggy inches closer and tells me about growing up in a trailer. “If you can remember any of this shit, feel free to write about it,” he says. His laughter is a challenge and a taunt.

I will myself to remember, to sear the facts of his life into my brain. These anecdotes are gold, the kinds of things that can add meat to the pitiful skeleton of my story as it stands now.

I’m laughing, and I park my hand on his thigh. The black trousers can't hide the fact that his legs are well muscled from swimming and his onstage moves that defy the range of a normal human body.

Before I can stop myself, I’m slowly trailing my hand up and down his leg. 

“Mmm…” He purrs and moves closer, while wrapping an arm around me. He drains the last of his beer and takes mine before I can get a final sip. 

Our faces are close, and I see that the blue of his eyes has darkened. I’ve lost myself, drowning in those pretty cobalt pools until he smiles wickedly. 

His voice is a murmur. “This is more fun than an interview, isn’t it?”

"You got me there, Iggy," I say. My response comes easy and breathy, thanks to the beer and my simmering lust. 

He looks at me fondly. "Call me Jim. Just use Iggy for your story, OK?" 

"OK, Jim."

He cradles my face in both of his hands and brushes his lips against mine. Then I surrender to his roving tongue in the same way I hope to similarly give my body to him, now that professional pretense has been shattered by primal desire.

Since I'm off duty now, I take down the ponytail that was taming my curls and allow my hair to fall past my shoulders. 

He holds my gaze as a hungry smile spreads on his face and he twirls a strand of my hair around his finger. "She's come undone, huh?" He kisses me again, feasting on my mouth with his lips and his sure tongue. 

I’ve noticed the bulge in his pants has become bigger, and my mind flashes to all the reports I’ve heard of him whipping his notoriously large cock out during performances. The thought of his boldness, and the thought of exploring his magnificent body, both fan the flames that have caused my core to throb with insatiable hunger.

I pull him to me and unleash my passion with a sinful, lush kiss. My hands stroke his torso, his back, his hair. "Just as I thought…" He says in a hushed tone, "There's a beautiful, wild woman just below the surface. I'm glad to finally meet her." He cups my throat and transfers his electric passion to me through another kiss. 

When I pause to help him out of his black leather jacket, his breathing is shallow and his eyes are glazed with need. My body is feverish, anticipating our tryst. 

I remove his black t-shirt next, revealing his finely chiseled torso. Newspaper and magazine photos don’t do it justice. I explore his musculature with my hands and delight in the firm, tanned skin. 

Then he’s out of his red briefs and the pants in the blink of an eye. I gasp at how perfect he looks--the hard muscles and their sensuous, masculine curves, the broadness of his chest and shoulders, the long torso with marble-etched abs, the slimness of his waist, the swelling of his thighs and ass. It's the graceful, olympic body of a swimmer…or an agile, flexible rock god. 

Not to be outdone, his manhood is long, thick, and utterly enticing. I want to savor him as much as I want to be worshipped by him, consumed by his strong passion, filled exquisitely by his largesse.

He lowers me on the couch and in a velvet onslaught of kisses and gropes, he removes my clothes: denim jacket, tight black dress, underwear, and stockings.

His movements are slow and taken with great care as he kisses down my naked body. He is calm, indulgent, masterful. The out-of-control nature of Iggy gives way to a patient, capable lover who revels in the softness of my generous curves.

He straddles me and blazes a lusty trail down my body with his tongue. His hands firmly canvas my breasts and his thumbs then tease my nipples into rigid peaks. 

"So soft…" His voice trails as he bathes my nipples with the warmth of his mouth and tongue. 

I'm snaking my body against the weight of his, while my hands clutch his back. If I fuck up the interview and lose my job, I know our night together will still be totally worth it. 

He releases a nipple with a pop of his lips. "Be patient," he breathes out. "We'll get there."

"Let me guess, it'll be worth the wait?" I ask with an arch of my eyebrow. 

"Well, I don't like to brag…" 

We lock eyes before the kissing resumes. 

His body is warm against mine, and his low, guttural moans punctuate the silence from time to time. Our hands are so curious, so hungry. It's a joy to clutch his powerful back and feel the muscles there side and hitch with each caress he gives me. 

"Come with me?" He abruptly stands. He smiles with an expression that's both shy and seductive as he leads me to the bedroom. 

The light is on. His suitcase is open and its contents are disturbed, as though he was looking for the right outfit for our encounter. The floral bedspread is a bit wrinkled, and I assume he napped on top of it before I arrived. 

We kiss at the side of the bed, in a voracious dance of our lips that still doesn't feel like enough. My need is criminal. I blast the most obscene of intentions to him with my eyes, and he grunts in hungry understanding. 

He lowers me to the bed and straddles me. Being held captive by his muscular thighs and his hands framing my face feels natural, an old, unspoken agreement of longtime lovers. The way we delight in each other is instinctual. 

I lift my chin to kiss him. 

"Later," he says, placing a finger on my lips. "I'll be back."

He crawls down my body and spreads my legs. Then he coaxes a series of unholy moans out of me when he flattens his tongue to my entrance with a series of long ice cream licks, followed by his lips gently sucking on my clit. 

My breathing comes shallow. I can't formulate words to relay to him how good the meandering of his tongue feels, but my writhing and wailing cause him to chuckle gentle vibrations against my pussy, so I know he understands. 

He keeps a steady rhythm and sets my nerves aflame while my hips jerk with the timing of a metronome. I gasp at the tension building in my body, knowing the climax will be devastating. And when it comes, my body stutters into an exquisite live wire dance. 

I'm a sweaty, soaked mess when he informs me that another languid exploration awaits. "I want to make sure you're more than ready," murmurs. This time, it's not a tease, it's a show of care and concern. 

He kisses me with my scent before he resumes. 

I'm still high from the last orgasm, and I float in the ether as he takes his time. I imagine he must be aching to couple with me, but his actions don't betray his need. The defensive Iggy of the interview is gone, replaced by a tender romantic who keeps looking at me to monitor my satisfaction. 

The next climax untethers me from reality, but when he rests a hand on one of my shoulders and slowly guides himself inside of me, I am awakened to now, the universe that consists of the two of us aroused, embraced, and slowly coaxing each other into higher realms of sensation. At last we've found our way to an unbreakable give and take, guided by carnal desire. 

His baritone rumbles with whispered words that would've made me blush during the interview. I marvel at how a change of setting, and a change of attitude, makes all the difference. 

I clutch his back while our rolling motions lull me into a pleasurable dream state. 

His gaze is much softer than it was in the living room, and his eyes sparkle as he looks at me with fondness. I'm treated with the sight of his long eyelashes kissing his face every time he lowers his eyelids. It's nice, knowing that I'm seeing a side of him that few will ever see. 

"You're so fucking good Jim," I exhale, working my hips faster to receive more of his expert thrusts. He rewards me by going harder and deeper. My pussy flushes as each stroke takes me higher. 

"I'm almost there, too," he groans as his hips crash into mine. 

My breath is shallow, and my moans get caught in my throat as we fuck with abandon. The interview is the furthest thing from my mind; my job now is to give as good as I'm getting, and I'm giving it my all. I grab his ass as we pump recklessly. 

Before I know it, pleasure radiates out from my core at light speed, and Iggy howls at the strength of his climax. We've both been transformed, faces glistening with sweat and the satisfaction of well spent energy. 

He rolls onto his back, and I drape my body over his. 

"Incredible," he says while stroking my hair. 

He kisses my forehead and dons his eyeglasses, which were on his dresser, hiding to avoid betraying the soft nerd inside the fearless musician. "Now, back to business, doll. I'll let you finish the interview if I can ask you some questions first. For starters, where are you from?" 

My heart is still racing from our steamy actions, but it skips a beat when I realize I will get my story and not lose my job. 

I giggle and trace a finger on his chest before I start telling him the story of my life. 

[ghost-in-the-hella]

I hope it's cool for me to drop another one, you just write them so well. Z: “Zip me up?” PriceMarsh

Absolutely! Prepare for a near-lethal dose of pricemarsh fluff.

CW for referenced homophobia and implied internalized homophobia. Also references to Rachel’s death because I can’t not at least mention that.

---

There’s no reason for Chloe to feel so nervous. It’s only prom. She’s never been one of those girls who considers their high school prom to be a pinnacle of her life to be surpassed only by her eventual and inevitable wedding day. Before she and Kate started dating, Chloe would’ve laughed at the idea of even going to prom. She was way too cool for all that mainstream, cliche high school shit even before she dropped out.

But here she is, sitting in the cab of her truck in the parking lot for the girls’ dorms, sweating through her tuxedo shirt as she tries to work up the nerve to go meet her prom date. Nervous. She and Kate have been official for a few good months now, but they’ve never done anything this, well, official. Chloe bought a corsage and everything. She’s wearing her dad’s old powder blue tuxedo from his prom, taken off mothballs for the occasion (lucky for her he was a total beanpole when he was in high school; Joyce barely had to take it in at all). It’s fucking go time.

She flicks her lighter a few times to steady her nerves. God, she wants a cigarette. But she knows Kate hates the smell even though she tries not to complain, and she wants tonight to be perfect. Not for herself, of course - she’s still too much of a hardass punk to care about going to prom, much less about having it be some kind of magical experience - but for Kate. Because Kate cares about going to prom, and Kate deserves a perfect night. She deserves, at the very least, a prom date who doesn’t smell (and taste) like an ashtray. If Kate’s going to risk outing herself to her family with prom photos of her with an obvious lesbian on her arm, well, Chloe’s going to be the best goddamn arm candy she can be.

She tosses her lighter into the glove box and switches off her stereo, silencing the pump up mix she’d been playing to get psyched. She takes a deep breath to ground herself. Okay. Okay. Now it’s go time.

She grabs her tuxedo jacket off the passenger side of the bench seat and slings it on as she opens the door and hops out into the parking lot. She pulls out her phone and texts Kate. 

Me: im here

Me: u ready to wreck shit up w ur hella hot prom date?

Kate: Almost :)

Kate: I need your help with something. Can you come up?

Chloe suppresses the instinct to shout NO EMOJI and restricts herself to a polite: sure

She checks herself out one last time in her side mirror. Her hair’s freshly dyed and combed to a silky sheen, every strand perfectly in place. She’s got a tasteful amount of eyeliner on, like any good pirate, and it makes the blue of her eyes pop. The tux looks surprisingly good for something that’s been packed up in the attic for longer than she’s been alive, and it accents her hair and her eyes both. 

“Your father would be so happy for you. I wish he could’ve seen you.”

Chloe swallows down the sudden lump in her throat. She already sobbed her eyes out enough when Joyce was helping her get ready; she’s not picking up her prom date with raccoon eyes if she cries her eyeliner into a mess (again). She adjusts her lapels (what was it with the late seventies and ridiculous lapels?!) and her blue butterfly boutonniere and strides toward the dorms. 

There are several people standing outside, copping a last smoke before prom. Victoria Chase is one of them, flanked by two girls Chloe only vaguely recognizes. She’s pretty sure the bottle blonde smoked her out once at a Vortex party after she’d lost track of Rachel, but she’s not sure they ever exchanged names. Victoria flicks some ash off her cigarette as Chloe nears, but she pointedly avoids Chloe’s gaze rather than engaging her. So, still kind of an ice queen but maybe she’s learned a modicum of civility in the wake of the absolute clusterfuck that was last semester, between her best friend getting arrested along with her favorite teacher for a gross assortment of sex crimes. And murder.

Chloe’s stomach twists violently at the memory. Fuck, last fall was a shitshow. She’s pretty sure she wouldn’t have survived learning about Rachel’s murder (officially “death by misadventure” because the Prescotts have lawyers out their ass, but Chloe’s nobody’s fool) without Kate’s shoulder to cry on. Chloe still doesn’t believe in god, but if she did she’d say that Kate’s been an absolute godsend.

Chloe spares the girls by the door a quiet nod in greeting as she passes, and two out of three return it (fuck you very much, too, Unnamed Brunette Sidekick). She climbs the stairs to the second floor and hustles to Kate’s door. Her whiteboard is blank today, so Chloe takes a moment to draw a cartoon heart on it before she knocks.

“Chloe?”

“The one and only,” she replies.

“It’s open; can you let yourself in? Alice is being a handful.”

“Ooh, bunny shenanigans!” Chloe opens the door and slips into the room, closing the door swiftly behind her in case Alice is in danger of escaping. Alice’s cage is, indeed, empty, and the bunny is nowhere in sight. What Chloe can see, however, is about half of Kate poking out from beneath her bed. She shouldn’t laugh. She really shouldn’t. She does anyway. Kate’s legs just look so formal as they stick out from beneath her bed at awkward angles, politely wrapped in dark tights and the jumble of what is clearly a very pretty dress that deserves better than to be mangled and coated in dust before it can even get its moment in the spotlight.

Kate giggles, so at least she’s aware of the ridiculousness of the situation and probably isn’t mad at Chloe. “She just will not go back in her cage! Can you help?” Kate flails out a hand in Chloe’s general direction.

Chloe crouches next to the bed and takes Kate’s hand, helping to slide her out from under it. “Hey, bun-bun,” she calls softly to the bunny beneath Kate’s bed. “Your favorite person is here! Come say hello!”

Kate gasps in mock offense and swats Chloe’s arm. “Her second favorite person, thank you!”

Alice hops tentatively out from under the bed and wiggles her perfect little nose at Chloe. “Ah-ha!” Chloe reaches down and gently picks her up. “Got you, you little rascal. Were you making life difficult for your momma?” She gives Alice a nuzzle.

“She’s been such a naughty bunny tonight,” Kate sighs. “I can’t tell you how many times she tried to nibble my dress. And poor Alyssa! Alice got half her corsage before either of us figured out what was happening.”

“Aww, I missed Alyssa?”

“Sorry; she had to finish her own makeup. She did mine, too. Is it too much? I haven’t gotten a chance to check.”

Chloe looks over at Kate and nearly topples over onto her ass, bunny and all. Kate looks beautiful, but that’s nothing unusual; she always looks beautiful. The subtle makeup that Alyssa’s used on her sets off her natural beauty perfectly, understated but lovely as always. Her hair’s in a braid with loose tendrils framing her face, which is a style Chloe’s never seen on her before and definitely could get used to seeing. And her dress is… Well. It’s a lovely dress; Chloe’s no great authority on dresses - she hasn’t worn one willingly since she was about four - but she can tell that much. It’s definitely picked up some dust here and there from Kate’s adventure under her bed, but it’s still obviously a nice dress. Tasteful, of course, or at least it would be if it were zipped in the back.

Which it definitely isn’t. 

On anyone else, it would still be a modest look. But on Kate… This is by far the most of her that Chloe’s seen in months of dating. Kate’s very much a “take it slow” kind of person, and even though historically Chloe’s tended to be more of a “take it as soon and as often as I can get it” kind of person she respects Kate’s boundaries and is happy to let her girlfriend set the pace. So getting an eyeful of Kate’s naked collarbones, the round curve of an exposed shoulder, the suggestion of a bared back is basically the Kate Marsh equivalent of a nip slip.

“Um.”

“Oh, no, is it too much? I asked her not to do anything too excessive…”

“No, no, makeup’s fine. Great, even. You look… amazing.” Chloe wobbles onto her feet and holds out a hand to help Kate up. She presses a kiss into Alice’s soft fur and walks her over to her open cage. “Okay, cage time for bunnies. No more mischief tonight.” She tucks Alice inside and locks the cage door behind her.

“You’re so good with her,” Kate says, wrapping her arms around Chloe’s waist from behind. Normally she’d burrow her face into Chloe’s back, but she restrains herself and Chloe appreciates the effort to preserve the integrity of her suit even as she misses the contact. “This is the best behaved she’s been all night.”

“What can I say? You’re her mom; of course she’s going to rebel. Me, I’m more like the cool aunt.”

“Hmm. Cool step-mom, maybe.”

Chloe’s face warms with blush. She reaches down to place her hands over Kate’s and gives them an affectionate squeeze. “You, uh, you almost ready to go, babe?”

“Almost.” Kate pulls back and Chloe turns around to face her. It’s a struggle, but she keeps her eyes fixed on Kate’s face even as they long to trace the delicate, graceful line of her clavicles. Then Kate turns her back to Chloe, glancing back at her over her shoulder with a soft smile. “Zip me up?”

Chloe blinks stupidly for several seconds before she answers with a silent nod. Her mouth is too dry to speak human words. She has to close her eyes and collect herself for a moment when Kate turns her head away again, waiting patiently for her assistance. Her hands are actually shaking as she reaches for Kate, which is stupid. She’s literally stripped women before. She’s just helping one put more clothes on. Her hands shouldn’t be shaking over that.

She tenderly sweeps Kate’s braid aside with one hand, draping it forward over her shoulder to keep it clear of the zipper. Her fingertip barely skirts against the bared skin of Kate’s back, but she can feel her warmth like a brand. Chloe takes a deep breath in and blows it out slowly to steady herself as she reaches for Kate’s zipper pull. It’s only when she sees Kate squirm slightly that she realizes she’s released her breath directly against Kate’s exposed back. She freezes.

“It’s okay,” Kate says when she feels Chloe tense up. 

Chloe tries to force herself to relax. She attempts to ease the zipper up and it catches within the first inch. Tentatively, she reaches to brace one hand against Kate’s hip for leverage. The zipper slides free and Chloe delicately zips up the back of Kate’s dress. It traces the elegant line of her spine up toward the perfect points of her shoulder blades (Chloe notes two small birthmarks on Kate’s left just above her bra and suppresses the urge to lean down and kiss each in turn). 

Chloe reaches around to gently guide Kate’s braid back to its rightful place when she’s done. She leans in boldly to press a kiss to Kate’s (still bare) shoulder, pausing millimeters away to give Kate time to signal her yes or no. Kate gives a small but unambiguous nod and Chloe kisses her shoulder firmly. Kate reaches her other arm across to tangle fingers in Chloe’s hair, holding her there gently for a moment.

Kate gives a contented sigh when Chloe pulls back, slipping her fingers free from Chloe’s blue locks. “Sorry if I messed up your hair.”

“Worth it,” Chloe tells her with a grin. She steals a quick moment to check her hair in Kate’s mirror, prompting a knowing giggle from her girlfriend. The damage is minimal; definitely worth it. She tidies it with a few quick sweeps of her hands. 

Kate steps into the frame and slips an arm around Chloe’s waist. Chloe reciprocates with an arm around Kate’s shoulders. “What do you think?” Kate asks. “Prom Queens?”

Chloe wrinkles her nose. “I’ll be happy as long as they don’t dump pig’s blood on us. Anyway, I think someone would have to stuff the ballot box pretty hard for me to get elected anything at Blackwell after I dropped out.”

“A year after you left to pursue other options,” Kate corrects her. “Now that you’ve got your GED, I don’t think you technically count as a dropout.”

“Aww, but it’s my whole identity,” Chloe teases. She dips her head to drop a light kiss to the top of Kate’s head as Kate scowls playfully.

“Guess you’ll have to develop a new one, then.” She squeezes Chloe’s hip hard enough to shut her up. “You look really good in that tuxedo. I can’t wait to show you off.”

Chloe raises her eyebrows. “Yeah? Not still worried about what people are gonna say when they see our prom pictures?”

“I’m still concerned,” Kate says thoughtfully. “But I’m more excited. I never thought I’d get to have this.” She turns to look at Chloe, and there’s so much warmth in her eyes that Chloe feels a sudden threatening prickle of tears in her own. “My mother and aunt fed me so many… bitter thoughts about what being gay might mean. All the things I’d never get to do or have because I didn’t think that gay people were allowed them. I never thought I’d get to love someone so much. I never thought I’d get to be loved in return. I never thought I’d get to just be a normal, happy girl on prom night, getting ready with her prom date to go and dance with her friends and have fun like anybody else. But look at me. Look at us!” She turns back to the mirror, leaning into Chloe’s arm. “We’re doing this. I’m going to the prom with my girlfriend, and we look amazing together, and we’re going to pose for stupid pictures and dance until our feet hurt and celebrate with our friends, and at the end of the night you’re going to walk me back to my room and kiss me goodnight because I won’t have to worry about my lipstick anymore and it’s all going to be perfect. And even if it isn’t perfect, it’s going to be ours.”

Chloe feels like she’s going to shake apart she’s so close to crying, eyeliner be damned. “H-hey, Katie?”

“Mm?” Kate turns to look at her sweetly, and god how did Chloe get so lucky to end up with this incredible girl.

“How much do you really care about the lipstick thing? Because I really want to kiss you right now.”

A dimpled smile breaks out across Kate’s face and Kate goes up on tiptoes, touching Chloe’s face lightly as she tilts up her face to kiss her. Chloe does her best to kiss her back like a normal person and not like a drowning woman. “Not as much as I care about you,” Kate answers when they pull apart again. She wipes a stray tear from Chloe’s cheek. “Are you okay?”

“I’m so fucking okay. I might be the most okay I’ve ever been in my whole stupid life.” Chloe plants another kiss on Kate’s forehead. She’s about to start leading Kate to the door when she realizes she’s forgotten something important. She fumbles the corsage out of the inner pocket of her dad’s jacket and presents it to Kate. “Come on, let’s finish getting you suited up so we can light up the fucking dance floor and give all the haters the middle finger. The metaphorical middle finger,” she amends when Kate starts to open her mouth. “Not gonna get myself thrown out of your prom; don’t worry.”

Kate holds out her wrist and Chloe has to bend to slide the corsage into place. There’s a surreal moment when she’s holding Kate’s perfect hand in hers and gently guiding the corsage into place, practically down on one knee to get the proper angle, where she wonders if this is what it might feel like to propose. She can see it so clearly in her mind’s eye: getting down on one knee, probably wearing this same tuxedo because that way it’s like her dad would get to be there, still holding Kate’s hand, still looking up into her beautiful and shining eyes as she gazes down at her with more love than any human heart could hold, Gramma Price’s ring resized to fit Kate’s finger…

Chloe wobbles, suddenly lightheaded, and Kate reaches out to steady her the way she always does. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Kate asks again, brow furrowing slightly with concern.

Chloe presses a reverent kiss to Kate’s knuckles and rises back to her feet. “I’m good,” she says, trying not to sound as dazed as she feels. “I’m great. I’m fucking amazing. You’re amazing. We’re amazing. Let’s go show all of Blackwell how fucking amazing we are.” 

Kate nods, grinning. “Yes, please.” She holds out her hand and Chloe takes it. Before they can make it all the way to the door, Chloe’s phone buzzes in her pocket. With an exaggerated sigh, she pauses to check it.

Mom: Chloe Elizabeth Price, don’t you dare forget to send me pictures!

Kate reads over her shoulder. “Maybe we should show your mom how amazing we are first?”

Chloe grumbles and rolls her eyes but obligingly opens up the photo ap on her phone. As annoying as Joyce can be (seriously, wtf with the Mom ESP?!), Chloe knows that Kate relishes this kind of maternal approval and that she’s never going to get it from her own mother. Joyce has her faults - fucking hell does she have her faults - but even Chloe has to admit that she’s been pretty awesome with Kate. She’s all but adopted her, honestly.

Chloe holds up her phone and lets Kate nestle under her arm. A perfect fit as always.

“Say ‘prom night!’” Kate says, grinning giddily.

“Prom night!” Chloe says without taking her eyes off of Kate, and she takes the picture.

[iiceddorklatte]

the difference between characters in beetlejuice (movie.cartoon.musical) pt.1

okay people so I have noticed that there are major differences between all the characters in B.J. and how different or similar they are

and YES I did stay up till one making an excel spreadsheet to explain this

SO that being said I had to split it up into three different parts and this first part is just Betelgeuse and Lydia, ill post the next one sometime later

first up our main trash demon

Betelgeuse:

similarities

 between all:

iconic pin stripe suit

wild greenish hair

pale af

crude humor

personal space issues

lonely boi™

semi evil boys

 movie and cartoon:

semi balding

southern voices

randomly summons shit out of thin air for the fun of it

weird yellow eyes

big ass eye bags and purple undertones

 cartoon and musical:

tries really hard 

love’s their bestie(Lydia)

can be evil, but will do the right thing for their friend

trickster boi’s

questionable life choices

will only protect one (1) person

 musical and movie:

no filter

horny dead boi’s

will actually kill you for no reason

actual dangerous boi’s

not afraid to randomly kiss someone

marries Lydia....

differences

 movie:

straight as the gays ain’t

will harass women 

actually want’s to marry Lydia

doesn’t respect anyone

deserves anything thrown back at his face

trash

looks like he could kill you, could actually kill you

 cartoon:

legally not allowed to say f*ck

legally not allowed to s p i c e

bestie is Lydia

didn’t try to marry her though

respects some people

pun master

mom is super sweet

can’t kill anyone

but will throw hands

praises the ground where Lydia walks

(the man has a whole shrine dedicated to her in his mind)

looks like he could kill you, is actually a cinnamon roll

 musical:

hot racoon boi

evil at first, but then changes

marries Lydia, for that green card tho

wants one (1) friend

honestly cares about Lydia and is her Bestie

chaotic but nice boy

pansexual 

can make copies of himself

respects all women 

men....that’s questionable

tries his best

mom is a hoe

bad childhood

sinnamon roll

Now for the gothic scarecrow herself

Lydia:

similarities

between all:

gothic teen

photography is a must

dead mom

strange and unusual™

pale girls

all 14 or 17(early to mid teens)

not a great relationship with dad or Delia

interested in the supernatural

movie and cartoon:

spikey bangs and pony tail

younger teen

(honestly these two don’t have that much in common)

private all girls school

cartoon and musical:

independent woman

can control Betelgeuse 

puts up with his shenanigans

not afraid to speak her mind

slytherins

bomb bangs

musical and movie:

eccentric goth style

wide brim hat

adoptive parents are the Maitlands

has to marry betelgeuse

tricked by BJ many times

no friends

iconic red wedding dress

differences

movie:

helpless

really bad relationship with BJ

tricked into getting married

flowy goth skirt and shirt

actually hates Delia and Charles 

looks like they could kill you, is actually a cinnamon roll

cartoon:

red spider web tunic

can travel to the netherworld

meets BJ’s other friends

annoyed by Delia and Charles

looks like a cinnamon roll, is a cinnamon roll

musical:

is short, but is spiritually 7 feet tall

tricks BJ in the end

kills him

but still besties

helps bj in wrecking havoc around the neighborhood

complicated relationship with Delia and Charles

love-hate mostly

looks like they could kill you, could actually kill you

Okay that was it for this part- idk how long it will take for me to post the other ones, but honestly this took awhile

[duhragonball]

Logan Paul

I did some research for that Coffe Shop AU fic I did last month, because I got it in my head to set it in Japan, and I wanted to make sure I got Japan right, or at least right enough that it wouldn’t be super-obviously wrong.    The last time I tried to write anything set in Japan was when I tried to write Tenchi Muyo! fics, and I quickly realized I had no idea what I was doing, so I noped all the characters into outer space, where I could make stuff up.    

But that was 19 years ago, and now we have YouTube, with tons of videos about travel and tourism and local custom.    I often regard YouTube with contempt, but I have to be honest, it’s a bigger part of my life than I want to admit.   YouTube taught me how to change the headlights on my old Pontiac G6; it lets me watch all the good parts of Star Wars on-demand, and it taught me not to eat while walking around town in Japan.  

Anyway, now I get recommended all these videos about Japan, and they’re kind of fun to watch.   I checked out one about capsule hotels, because I could never tell if those were are really good or really bad idea.   I’m at least satisfied now that I could fit in one of those things if I needed to use one.   Then I came across this video about Logan Paul.   

In case you’re not familiar with him, Logan Paul is the jackass vlogger who decided to do his show in Japan for a little while, and while he was there he found a dead body in a forest and filmed it.   This drew international outrage, and from what I understand his popularity nosedived afterward.    I didn’t pay much attention to his story at the time, because there’s a million jackass vloggers on YouTube, and it struck me that the only thing special about him was that he had the budget to fly to Japan, and the celebrity to actually get in trouble for doing something offensive.    

Then I watched this video about him on Totally Not Mark’s channel.   It’s no longer there for some reason, but back in September he made this “mini-documentary” about Logan Paul’s attempt to stage some sort of comeback.   As I recall, the basic idea is that Logan’s really, really sorry for offending everyone, but he wants to be a famous YouTube celebrity again, so he’s going to do.... something... and return to his former prominence.   And he’s got a film crew making a documentary out of this quest, so that if he ever succeeds, he can put out this feel-good redemption story.  

The problem is that no one knows what the hell he’s supposed to do to get people to like him again.  I mean, I’m sure he still has fans today, but not as many as he did before, and he seems to want to just hit a reset button and go back to the way things were pre-Japan.   According to Totally Not Mark’s now-deleted video, all he seemed to be coming up with were various sports events for charity.    He had a couple of boxing matches against fellow YouTuber KSI, although I don’t know that either of those fights were for charity.    Judging from his Wikipedia article, he doesn’t seem to be doing anything particularly different from before.    Mark seemed to genuinely think he might have a shot at redemption, even if the path forward isn’t obvious.   

I found the whole idea kind of stupid.   Redemption isn’t about celebrities becoming celebrities again.   If Logan Paul learned a lesson from the consequences of his actions, if he reflects on his bad behavior and takes steps to be a better person, then great, but that doesn’t mean he gets a free pass from the public.    He had an act, and people bought into it for a while, and then he took it too far and it backfired on him.   There’s some things in life you can’t undo.   Watching Mark’s mini-documentary suggested to me that Paul still hasn’t figured this out, probably because he never understood how he got so famous in the first place.    It just sort of fell into his lap before, so he doesn’t understand how he lost it, or how it’s not something he can just recreate at will.  

Anyway, that brings me back to the video above, by “That Japanese Man Yuta”.   In it, he discusses all the other videos Paul made during his visit to Japan.    The video in the forest was taken down, and Paul made a video apologizing for that one, but all these other videos paint a bigger picture of a guy who basically made it his business to wander around in a foreign country and make an ass out of himself.  He horsed around in religious sites, places of business, in the middle of traffic, and pretty much anywhere else he pleased.   As far as I can tell, the joke was one of two things.   Either it was “Hey, I’m pestering these people and they just sort of stand around and let me!” or “Hey, I’m doing the same nonsense I usually do, only this time it’s in Japan!”   

Yuta takes the time to explain exactly why Paul’s behavior is so disrespectful, but it really isn’t even an issue of Japanese culture specifically.    I wouldn’t want him doing that crap in any country, including the U.S.   Seriously, imagine if he went into a church and just started throwing coins around.     Imagine if he went to a big city and ran around in a costume in the middle of an intersection.  There’s a scene where he waves around a raw fish in public, then he gets bored with it and leaves it on the back of a taxi cab.   That might be funny in a cartoon, or some fictional comedy, but he’s doing all this “XD lol random” crap around real people who aren’t even remotely in on the joke.   Really, the joke seems to be nothing more than “Look these bystanders have no idea what I’m doing and they’re confused and annoyed by my antics.”    Then he praises the Japanese people for being “so nice”, as if they’re being good sports about the whole thing.    Well no, they were just tolerating his behavior, and even if they were being “nice” that doesn’t make his behavior right.   

And that’s why his “redemption arc” is doomed to failure.    What Paul doesn’t seem to get is that the same man-child shenanigans that got him in trouble were also responsible for his rise to stardom.    There’s not some magic formula where he can keep doing his old routine and control people’s reaction to it.    And he can’t reinvent himself because the goofball persona was the only thing that made him a big deal.  No one got into this guy because he’s a good athlete.   They want to watch him dress up in stupid costumes and throw shit at people.     Only that’s no longer tenable, so I’d say his only choice is to accept whatever fanbase he has left as his new level.  

I don’t know that I have a point to any of this.   I just watched the Mark video and thought “Wow, this Logan Paul guy is an entitled shithead.”   And then I watched the Yuta video and thought “Wow, he’s an even bigger shithead than I ever imagined.”   I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that his athletic build, lantern jaw, and curly blonde hair are probably why he’s managed to survive as many scandals as he has.    He looks like the lead in some stoner comedy, and people want to root for him and overlook his flaws.    It’d be kind of interesting to see how he does when he hits forty, but no one will be paying attention by then.   

[fan-dumb-trash]

For your consideration: Remile Friends-to-Lovers featuring highschool theater shenanigans and self growth

Part Two Sis Part Three Part Four

Remy and Emile are friends, best friends in fact, but fate has a couple tricks up her sleeve to tear them apart, only to bring them back again. 

This got longer than expected but theres more to the story after this oh yes indeed so buckle up cause part two is gonna be typed tomorrow when it isnt one in the morning so HERE YA GO @happiness-is-regret

Warnings: Divorce, parents fighting, mild panic attack, self depreciation, if there's more let me know!

So its seventh grade aka awkward central because puberty and acne and awkwardness and it's just awful all around and theres lil Remy who is NOT confident at all by anyone's standards

His parents argue a lot and he learned staying quiet is the best way not to get involved or yelled at in the crossfire so yeah

And then you got Emilie who kinda knows what's goin on but not really. He wears tie dye shirts and aviator glasses sometimes until he had to get actual frames over the summer but it was no big cause he was used to glasses anyways

But Emilie is wiser than the other kids and thinks cliques are stupid and he just loves cartoons and english okay stop teasing him for being a lil bit awkward okay STOp

But yeah he doesn't get friends easy and he tries to squirm in other friend groups but it doesn't feel right. Until Remy. Who is incredibly shy believe it or not! They have no classes together but somehow Remy mustered the courage to compliment Emilies pink hair and BOOM FRIENDSHIP

They eat lunch together. Some days it's in comfortable silence and other times its complaining about teachers or PE miles or this brat kid who vandalized a bathroom stall

And Remy starts warming up and realizing maybe the whole world isn't against him. Just because his home is a literal war zone doesn't mean being friends with Emile is doomed.

At the end of seventh grade the duos lunchtime friendship is going great! Emile is starting to get into cartoons and their convos are “OMG OKAY SO VOLTRON SEASON 2 IS OUT AND IM SCARED REMY I WANT TO CRY FOR MY SPACE CHILDREN ZARKON CAN YEET HIMSELF OFF A CLIFF AND-” “Woah their Em, slow it down sis”

As Remy gets more comfortable there is more teasing and nicknames and laughing but they dont hug and Emile isn't super affectionate but hugs are a thing for friends right???

One day on a weekend it's pretty bad for Remy at home. His parents are yelling and its loud and his breathings picking up and his eyes are shut and he's crying because is it his fault??? Why can't they stop stop stop STOP!

And he has to get out because he cant take it hearing they two people who he loves most fight with each other when they are supposed to love each other and his little brother Janus is sleeping thank god but he needs OUT right fucking now

So he hops out his window and runs. Two houses down and around the corner there's an open field that should probably have a house or a park but low income neighborhoods be like that sometimes ya know?

He runs in the field but then there's trees and a little path but wheres the end and the sun is setting now so he sits and looks at the sky and cries

Emile likes his peace and quiet. Hes and only child but his house gets cluttered with his parents (DOT AND LARRY FITE ME) and their thespian friends on the weekends especially around showtime and tec week so he walks in the field.

So when he comes across Remy he screeches and cusses and they're both apologizing and it's a mess but wait was Remy crying?!?!

So Emile is concerned and sits him back down and they talk. Remy says his parents are probably going to get a divorce and how they've been fighting and all that and Emile starts to understand why he's so sheltered

Remy's crying again so Emile asks “Hey, You can say no but can i hug you?” And Remy nods so they hug and they melt right into itm and they stay there for a while and watch the sunset.

From then on they are attached to the hip. Nothing can separate them. Emile invites Remy over for dinner and out to see his parents shows at the community theater and its fun! Remy kinda gets to be a kid and he has sas now! He sees its okay to be a bit absurd with Larry and how jokes are fine with Dot.

The boys are in the field again after dinner and Emile is talking about Dot and Larry, and Remy cant help but be envious. They're all so happy and perfect and he’ll never get that. He goes home and the glitter fades and he sleeps with music to drown out the shouting but its still there.

Remy says “I wish my parents were like yours. I wish I had that. It's not fucking fair Em”

Emile says “I wish I knew how to help… but I can't. All I can do is offer you a slice of normal and hope you aren't allergic” To which they both laugh. But the insecurity sticks. Remy wonders if he's just going to mess things up later or if him and Emile stop being friends what will happen

And it haunts him. Its summer and his parents get a divorce, but the yelling in person is replaced with battles in court and over text. He has to go to mediation a couple times and Emile is there the next day with icecream and steven universe

Emile starts to notice things. The way Remy's eyes are filled with fire as he banters with Larry or when he rants about things he's passionate about. The way he runs so fast in field like nothing can catch him not even the wind itself. The way his whole face glows when he laughs or how when it's silent with them and the sky, he closes his eyes and hums a song he doesn't know.

And he realizes he's in love and he's so scared because Remy doesn't need romance he needs stability. His world is crumbling and he needs his best friend. And Emilie hides it and surprises himself. Remy doesn't notice the way Emiles hugs last longer or the way he sighs as he walks away. He doesn't notice the stars. His mind is on other things. Remy doesn't have time to feel the same or explore feelings so he doesn't.

Eighth grade things go as normal. Emile is still hopelessly in love. Some nights he cries and some nights he thinks his feelings are finally gone. Some nights Remy sleeps over and they sneak into his moms room and but on stage makeup.

Emile almost kissed him when Remy made him a Jake and Finn card for his birthday. And it was hella cute and cheesy and had “love u babe” on the inside and “happy birthday, bitch” on it and it was classic.

But yeah he totally wasn't disappointed it wasn't Bubbline on the card what???

But then things just… stopped.

Remy stopped going to the field on weekends. He was busy when Emilie wanted to hang out. Em was worried at first that something was wrong at home and that he was lying until he saw Remy around at school with other kids. He was growing his hair out and had a leather jacket and when Emile said hi Remy smiled tight, nodded, and continued to talk to his new friends.

Then he noticed how they were the kids who liked sports or girls or always laughed loud in the cafeteria. He noticed how Remy's sass grew into straight up ego and how his confidence wasn't just with Emile it was with EVERYONE

People waved to him as he walked by. Everyone was “babe” “hun” “sweetie” and “sister” and Emilie felt less special.

And not Eighth Grade was nearly over and Emilie had lost his best friend to the rest of the world. Yes he was happy that Remy was confident and Yes he was happy he made new friends.

But back when Remy needed him, back when they dazzling smile was meant for him, back when the problems were so big you needed two people not just yourself- Emilie could hang on to Remy

But now that Remy didn't need him, he was left for trash. Emilie was heartbroken. He swore to himself he wouldn't let another boy break his heart to the point where cartoons couldn't even cheer him up. He cried when Ruby and Sapphire got married and when Bubbline kicked ass and he prayed for the day when he would have that.

Summer was torture and he never saw Remy in the field. Little did he know Remy was there, just in the trees or wandering at nights when his mom came home yelling and cussing. Emile thought the pain of the divorce was over when Remy was going to court once every 6 months and to family counseling weekly but did it help? No.

Highschool came and Remy climbed to social ladder. He hid the bags under his eyes with sunglasses and kept his pep and sass with starbucks coffee. Combat boots to make him taller.

And Emilie was still alone until Patton came along with Roman. They sat together and then Logan and Virgil joined. Sloane and Corbin who are juniors swung on by. Kai and Elliot would join them the next year and together they became the theatre troupe.

Emilie felt whole with this diverse group of many passions and interests and he couldn't help but smile more. He didn't feel so alone. But part of him still longed for that old friendship he has lost- but there was enough going on to forget it.

Emilie didn't notice Remy staring at him with his fiery eyes when his own friend group were so loud they didn't pay him mind. Remy started to see how the tie die pink haired boy grew up and moved his children with dignity and didn't take their tomfoolery. He saw how he would catch conflicts and mediate them. He saw his goofiness shine through all his actions. And he started to care for this new Emile, but also remember when it was just the two of them. New thoughts lead Remy to think it was him holding Emile back from this all along.

He began to think Emilie was better off without him dragging him down with his million problems. So he too began to embrace to noise and forget.

Next it was Sophomore year when the universe threw them back at each other...

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: I’m In Lesbians With You

It occurs to me that i don’t have a proper review of Scott Pilgrim on here. I really should work through the current backlog of films that i still need to watch; Uncut Gems, The Lighthouse, Parasite, Ready or Not, but i f*cking love Scott and his shenanigans so... Scott Pilgrim it is! Considering how much i love this film and the fact that I’m just going to be gushing about it for however long this review is, let’s just get this out of the way immediately: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is an excellent movie and you should go watch it right now!

The Outstanding

Yo, before anything, can i just express how much i adore this f*cking soundtrack? My taste in music is varies wildly but, at it’s core, my heart beats for the Indie and the New Wave and the Post Punk. For this soundtrack to be packed with so much excellent, underground, indie fair? Oh, my goodness! It’s musical sex to me. Shout out to Nigel Godrich. Motherf*cker did the best of jobs on this one!

Even more than that, the way all of this music is integrated in each scene s absolutely brilliant. There’s not one note out of place or out of line. It’s rare that happens, so deftly that i actually recognize it. Usually, it’s all background noise to accentuate whatever scene but i legit took in everything.

While on the subject of music, i want to take a minute to acknowledge the sound design as a whole. Scott Pilgrim is based on a graphic novel, which i also love, so there is a rather kinetic energy that needs to be conveyed. It’s chock full of all the spastic nonsense us Millennials grew up with like Mario token sound effects and obscure cartoon references. Integrating certain sound effects like the random game noises here or there is absolute brilliance. It lends an air of authenticity to this adaption.

While i can gush about all of the audible genius for years, i would be remiss if i didn’t speak on the goddamn eye candy of this film. Holy sh*t is thing gorgeous! And not just the Evil Ex set pieces, even though those are absolute chaotic bad-assery, this entire film is a work of art. It really is. You can frame almost every shot in this thing, it’s that gorgeous.

Speaking of gorgeous, these costumes are amazing. A lot of them are ripped right out of the comic but they’re like, real clothes. Nothing feels cartoony or comic book-ish, it all feels organic to the tone of film and characters therein. Like, i wear the same kind of sh*t Scott wears. It’s all graphic tees and jeans with me, much to the chagrin of my darling missus.

The writing in this flick is absolutely brilliant. Like, seriously, nothing feels out of place, the dialogue feels organic, and the plot is a pretty decent condensing of the graphic novels original six volumes. I have interactions like these with my friends. I legitimately talk like this. Of course, there is a little polish on some of these line but, overall, it’s pretty on point.

All of this standout awesome can be traced back to the vision of it’s director, Edgar Wright. No one believed in this little experiment so he had carte blanche to create whatever he wanted and he did just that. You can tell there was a real love for this material and while not everything from the books made it into the movie, he did an excellent job of capturing the major beats and important aspects with his absolute mad style of movie making.

The cast in this thing is weirdly perfect. All of them. Every one of them. Seriously, it’s like a who’s who of young Hollywood from way back when, almost all of whom have grown into proper A-list talent and i love it! Alison Pill, Anna Kendrick, Jason Schwartzmen, Ellen Wong, Brandon Routh, and Mae Whitman are all excellent in their respective roles. There are, of course, standouts but before i get to them, i just what to acknowledge how great the casting is, overall, in this movie. You can feel the comradery onset and it’s reflected in the fact that there are no weak performances, at all, in this flick. F*ck, dude, there’s even a Thomas Jane and Clifton Collins cameo in this thing that feels absolutely at home!

This film would be nothing without the right person in the lead. Scott Pilgrim is a neuritic, self-centered, anxiety ridden, asshole of person but still lovable in a very dry and sarcastic kind of way. There are very few that can capture that energy so when i found out Michael Cera as cast in the lead, i knew this movie was in good hands. Every movie i have ever seen him in, Cera carries that energy expertly. He is he living embodiment of Scott Pilgrim. Like, this is MCU levels of casting, for real.

The second role you had to nail to make this work was definitely Ramona Flowers. You had a little more leeway with this one but i think they still nailed it with Mary Elizabeth Winstead. I’ve been a fan of hers since way back when she was in Sky High (I actually love that movie SO much) and even further back with The Ring Two, but that’s more a deep cut than anything. Anyway, Mary is perfect as Ramona and one of the best things about this movie.

So the performances of the Evil Exes are spectacular, Particularly Schwartzman’s. His Gideon Graves was just so smarmy and condescending and disingenuous you couldn’t help but hate his guts. Dude was awesome, no doubt, but he was outshined by what Chris Evan was able to create with Lucas Lee. That’s right, Captain America himself was in Scott Pilgrim as the first Evil Ex and he f*cking killed it! I’ve loved Evans for years. Not Another Teen Movie is actual one of my favorites and he was easily the best thing about those first two Fantastic Four films but you can see him shine in this role, even if it was only a few minutes.

It’s no secret i love Brie Larson. I’ve raved about her performances in the past but it was this movie that made me take notice. Her interpretation of Envy Adams was pitch perfect. It’s melodramatic and over-the-top but at the same time, incredibly vulnerable. Natalie has one hell of an arc in the book and it’s a little short-changed in the movie, but Larson makes gold with what she has to work with. Plus, she actually performs the cover to Metric’s Black Sheep. Those are her vocals and i find that to be absolutely dope.

Of course, you can’t talk about Scott Pilgrim without talking about his gay roommate, Wallace Wells. Dude is one of the best characters in the book and is an absolute scene stealer n this film, thanks to the deft hand of Kieran Culkin. It’s hard for me to praise gay character in cinema because cats always right them as caricature but Culkin’s Wells feels real and grounded, none of that Hollywood gay bullsh*t. Dude is a person that just happens to be gay and i love that.

And last but not least, Aubrey Plaza. There’s a little picture of Julie Powers that is the spitting image of Plaza. Like, her casting is as perfect as Scott’s casting. Seriously, she is what Michael Cera is to Pilgrim. It’s rare a cast in a film is so goddamn perfect. Even the MCU has had some missed but literally every one in this film is absolutely prefect and Plaza might be best of all.

Also, all of the LGBT representation. While the movie didn’t capture all of the many, many, sexual presentations, they didn’t shy away from some of the most prominent. Pilgrim’s roommate Wallace Wells, is extra gay and he has a myriad of boyfriends throughout both the book and film. Nothing too graphic, but there are scenes with them in bed and one pretty heavy make-out sessions early in the film. Hell, they even included Ramona’s one female Ex, Roxy Richter, in one of the best Evil Ex fights of the entire movie. Bravo film, bravo.

The Verdict

I said this in the beginning and just in case the previous gushing didn’t give you a clue, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is a f*cking great film, man. It stands on it’s own as a wonderful coming of age story but it’s so much more than that. It’s a love story to music. It’s one of the best comic adaptions i have ever seen. It’s an ode to the Millennial coming-of-age journey. It’s a nostalgia bomb for kids my age, who did sh*t like play video games all day then spend all night in coffee shops that had live music and f*cking waffles. It’s an amazing representation, and unique presentation, of those early twenties when you aren’t sure of yourself or your direction or anything and you just want to drift through life for as long as possible. It’s heartbreak and new love and learning about who you are, deep down, not some shallow representation or facade. I love Scott Pilgrim because it tells a great story. It tells MY story. And it does it with a banging ass soundtrack, too.

[jojotier]

"Where do I obtain a wedgie board? Do I have to make my own wedgie or can I buy one from a witch or vegan?" - Arataka Reigen

(You’re right!)

“Mmmm… Mobbbbb…” Reigen slurred, glancing off to the side. “W-where do I… get a wedgie board? Huh? Do I make my own, wedgie or can I buy one from an esper or…” He wracked his brains for a moment, trying to think of the word. He stared first at the shot of whiskey in his hand, and then to his other hand, because maybe he’d written it down there. Except, wait. He didn’t, because he was a fully functional adult that owned paper. Paper and writing software. Reigen was set. He checked his other hand before remembering that he didn’t have another hand, because he only had two of them.

God. What was he thinking about? “… vegan.” He finished for some reason but didn’t really know why.

On his other side, a voice said, “You sent him home like three hours ago, you brain-melted dumbass.”

Reigen turned his head towards the voice and squinted, watching the floating ball of mean green (mother, from outer space,) idly hover nearby. Kind of like the idle animation on a video game. Man… Reigen should get a video game. It’d been years since he played…

Ekubo manifested a scrawny arm from his weird plasma snot flesh and pointed an extremely uncanny human finger towards Reigen. “Hey! Listen up!! Don’t just go staring off into space, you creep!”

“I did send Mob home. Oh yeah.” Reigen mused, body slowly curling forwards to rest his cheek against his desk. And now here he was. Drinking on the job. Or well, not on the job- the office had been closed for hours now, and Mob needed a night off to spend with his parents. Man, sometimes, with all the shenanigans that Reigen had done where he and Mob got into super magical special ~psychic adventures~, he forgot that he had those. He guessed you just got used to being a de facto father figure. The side father. The one Mob was cheating on his real father with. God… did that make Reigen a homewrecker?

Blinking quickly, he told himself he wouldn’t cry, but- dammit, he didn’t want to be one!

Ekubo seemed to be saying something, and it occurred to Reigen that he was probably tuning the spirit out. He could feel somewhat bad about that, and he was just about to, when he remembered that Ekubo was kind of an asshole. But then again, assholishness notwithstanding, Reigen wanted to extend spirits the courtesy of a living person… but wait.

“Do you have a butthole?” Reigen slurred out, interrupting whatever Ekubo was in the middle of saying. He was just musing out loud, really. Didn’t really wanna think about his earlier thoughts… they’d probably make him cry. Ekubo made a face, but because his face just so happened to be slathered all over the surface of his weird blob body, he just kind of looked like putty stretching inward on itself. Which was, objectively, pretty hilarious. Reigen giggled a bit, bringing his hand to his mouth to cover the kind of undignified sound before realizing, oh wait, this was the whiskey hand. He could drink more of that!

“I fucking despise that I know you,” Ekubo groused, huffing out a breath after he got done throwing his tiny spinny tantrum. “God, you’re such a drunkard- why do you even need a ouija board? You can just have Mob see everything for you!”

“Well yeaaaaaaaaaa,” Reigen drawled, sitting up a bit more and downing the last of his drink. Finally, he was free to gesture as much as he wanted, and he did so with relish, tossing the arm with the empty shot glass towards the side and waving his hand up and down to help visualize his point, “but I still need one! It’s for the good of my- my customers, see? Every psychic has t’, have one!”

“No, they really don’t. Those things don’t even work.” Ekubo said flatly. Then two arms appeared and he laid them both across his face, “Wait- this is more scam shit. You don’t really believe that load of garbage, do you?”

“What!” Reigen exclaimed, utterly offended. His not-glass hand went over his heart, clutching the fabric of his suit as the other jabbed the air in an uncoordinated mess of gesticulating. “How- how dare you, you weird smile slime? In my own office? You’re gonna just accuse me, in my own psychic office, of scheming.”

“Scamming, more like. You’re too stupid to scheme anything really meaningful!” Ekubo shot back, and Reigen figured that the spirit no doubt was thinking about. Whatever dastardly booger based Saturday morning cartoony reformed evil spirits thought about now.

“‘M not scamming, not really,” Okay that sounded a little fake, even to him. “Th-the feelings, Ekubo- the feelings my clients come in and leave with? Those are real,”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Ekubo groaned, but Reigen wasn’t done yet.

“They come in here, desperate and destitute- most of them not even knowing what they really need if anything!” Reigen gestured more, and his grip on the glass tightened. “Some of them aren’t ready to face that they’re the cause of their own stuff- so if they wanna, wanna blame it on spirits ‘n such, tha’s on them, y’know? I’m just here to help!”

“And take their money,”

“But mostly to help-!”

And just like that, there was the sound of glass shattering. Reigen blearily glanced down at the floor beside the desk chair and calmly regarded the remnants of the shot glass that had been in his hands mere moments before. Ekubo also looked on, completely unimpressed.

Reigen blinked. “Man. I’m really drunk.”

“No shit,” Ekubo rudely said, hovering back on his desk with the other shot glasses that were still there. It was only just now getting to be really late- but then again, if Reigen stayed at the office and set a timer on his cell, he could just wake up and clean this mess up while sober, before the workday started. Which hey, it still gave him time for another round, if he really wanted to knock himself out good for the night…

Reigen got up and was about to say something when everything suddenly started tipping around him. Quickly catching himself on the edge of his desk, he tried to blink the dizziness from his eyes as he tried to regain his bearings. Damn… it’d felt fine when he was sitting! It wasn’t like he’d had that many drinks… Mostly because it was all from one bottle that he had the great idea to separate into different cups for extra fanciness about two drinks in, but still- he was totally fine. Just had to… steady it.

“You’re fucking hopeless,” Ekubo huffed, slowly floating backward. “Now hold still.”

“Eh?” Reigen muttered intelligently, squinting at Ekubo. “Wh-what d’ya need me to-”

Then Ekubo rushed him and it felt like a cold wind had swept straight into Reigen’s body. The feeling settled somewhere on the right side, where his heart would have been if he looked in a mirror, and then slowly spread to every inch of him. At first, it was cold- then it got warmer, and then, just plain numb. Reigen’s body straightened up on its own and Reigen heard, in the back of his head, God, you’re such a fucking lightweight!

“Ekubo, what the hell?!” Reigen said out loud, and god, he was happy at least that was still fine. His legs started moving, but Reigen didn’t feel himself moving- he just felt the phantom imprints of feeling in his limbs, swaying gently under the spirit’s influence, and felt blood pool in his cheeks. “I never authorized you to start fuckin… fuck… piloting me like an EVA!”

I’m not piloting you, idiot, I’m possessing you. Ekubo huffed, and despite himself, Reigen felt a wide smile creep over his face. ‘Sides, it’s not like I can do much- even when you’re out of it like this, I can’t exert any full-time control.

“Oh, well! That’s re-a-surrring,” Reigen got a glimpse of himself in a mirror as he passed by and was only annoyed that he couldn’t grimace. God, he looked like some kind of weird zombie, shambling forwards and swaying; cheeks branded with red circles like a goddamn cartoon. With great effort, Reigen found that he could kind of exert some control over himself- though it took… a lot more concentration than he was willing to think on. His nerves jumped under the skin of his arm like a bunch of spiders as he brought a hand up to smack himself on the cheek, stopping short of the door.

Hey! Come on, don’t try pushing me out-

“Well, well tell me where we’re goin’, firs’-!” Knees suddenly buckling, he leaned against the wall, vision swimming. “Y’ can’t just, take on someone’s body liike that without sayin’ what you want-”

Alright, alright, Ekubo said, and even if he wasn’t visible (being inside of Reigen in a totally nonsexual way) Reigen could just tell the little shit was rolling his eyes. I’m getting you back to your house and bed because you’re drunk off your ass! Otherwise, you’re gonna smell like shit in the morning and then you’re gonna complain when all your idiot customers get scared away by your reek.

“I don’t stink!” Reigen shot back, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

You will, if you don’t have the chance to take a shower- and then you’re gonna bitch at me about having a slow day! Ekubo complained, slowly exerting control back over Reigen’s legs. Now come on- you’re a real god damn lightweight.

“But the- the glas,” Reigen whined, glancing back with some effort towards his desk. “Mob’ll be, worried if he sess.”

He doesn’t get here until the afternoon, dumbass!

Reigen thought this over. “… Oh yea. I g… guuess, I sh’ld, go h-” And as Reigen tried to step forward on his own, his knees suddenly buckled, and he sprawled out on the floor. For a moment, he just laid there, face down because damn. This must have looked pitiful. Biting his lip, he tried not to cry- except that wasn’t his own doing. He guessed that was just Ekubo’s. “Maybe I nnneed… hel’p, gettin’ back.”

Wow, what gave you that idea, genius? Ekubo snarked from inside his head as Reigen retracted control again. The numbness spread back into his limbs, and his body heaved itself up, now much more balanced. Stop being such a damn crybaby. You’re a grown ass man- at this point, it’s just pathetic.

“Oh, piss off,” Reigen mumbled as his body finally shuffled out onto the streets.

The feeling of being possessed was… weirdly restful. Which sounded all kinds of wrong when one was possessed by a spirit who used to have a penchant for weird cult shit, but it was still restful nonetheless. It didn’t feel as if Reigen himself was really exerting any energy, with his limbs roving on their own. Plus, with the slow going, it wasn’t too bad- the streets had quieted down, and Reigen’s eyes were allowed to wonder around his surroundings. Lots of lights everywhere, shops closing down… And then there was the feeling of kind of being rocked inside his own body, mind relaxing back while the rest of him was on autopilot.

“I shouln’t do this too offen,” Reigen slurred sleepily, eyes blinking hard against an onslaught of exhaustion, “or else you’ll prob’ly get the wrong idea.”

You’re the one who can’t even keep your own eyes open! Ekubo huffed. But I guess I have to deal with that, huh. Just like I have to deal with all this shit around here.

“Mm.” Reigen hummed back, but even with the visual stimuli still coming towards him, he was starting to slip into unconsciousness. He tried to think on what else he could have even said to that, but the mix of alcohol and exhaustion from another eventful day of dealing with powers far beyond his reach, he began to fall asleep.

Reigen’s body straightened up immediately, movements becoming much more fluid. His arms stretched up, back popping slightly before he settled a hand on his chin, a smirk on his face. “Damn. The idiot actually lost consciousness! I could really take this body out for a spin…” The possessed man looked at the row of shops lining the entrance to the subway, a slow grin spreading.

Then, it dropped, and he sighed. “Ah, no. Shigeo will have my head on a platter…” That was his excuse, anyway. He was plenty strong as was, but… he’d rather not chance these sorts of things, when it came to Mob and his esteemed bastard of a mentor.

Ekubo continued to steer Reigen’s body back to his apartment, dealing with the conman’s snores in the back of his mind all the while.

[boss-hoody]

A Kingdom Hearts 3: world-by-world review I guess

when I say “Area” I mean parts of the world separated by loading screen OLYMPUS Consisting of 3 areas, Olympus had itself a major upgrade from its past appearances. The Colosseum is nowhere to be seen, (same with the underworld), and has been replaced by a large town and Mount Olympus itself. The third area you visit in Olympus is “realm of the gods”, and the presentation of this area’s entrance was a legitimate “Stop and look at how pretty this is” moment The gameplay in this world was pretty varied, as it served as your tutorial world, teaching you the various forms of movement and combat the game has to offer, as well as showing you early that enemies can have elemental weaknesses. Story wise, Sora is there to ask Herc’s advice on how to regain the power he lost and ends up showing up at the wrong (right?) time as Hades has finally put his 18 year plan into action and released the titans (All four of them this time)

The (very nice) cutscene that brings us into this world is also the one and only mention and appearance of Final Fantasy characters (Cloud and Auron) in the entire game’s story, which is extremely disappointing and a mark against the game as a whole. 4/5

TWILIGHT TOWN I was really looking forward to jumping back into Twilight town, exploring the streets, the tunnels, and all that again. But sadly, Twilight town, while receiving an aesthetic upgrade, only consists of 1 area consisting of Tram common (Now called “the neighbourhood), the forest and mansion, and a single tunnel connecting them (the hole in the wall is gone). There is no exploration of the mansion.

Its also home to the cooking mini game

2/5 (1 point for cooking mini game which is surprisingly fun, and 1 point only because of the atmosphere created by the NPCs and music)

KINGDOM OF CORONA This world is where the game really sines for the first time. Olympus was great, but it was clearly designed as a tutorial area, and Twilight Town lacked anything resembling gameplay content, but Kingdom of Corona makes up for that quickly with a vast forest and a small lively town to explore. Rapunzel constantly wanders off to look at things, which create a number of small character moments and not-quite-mini games you need to do to progress and also helps to make Sora seem more involved. The dancing actual-mini game in the town square was pretty fun once I got the hang of it and realized the symbols on the floor corresponded to buttons based on color, not shape.

Story wise it was a bit janky. The story follows the plot of the movie (Unlike Toy Box, which seems to take place somewhere between Toy story 1 and 2), but Sora becomes separated from Flynn and Punz a couple times, and story progresses without him or us present. At some point Flynn told Rapunzel his real name apparently? And Flynn was knocked out and tied to a boat but we never see it happening. He’s just suddenly tied to a boat an unconscious. Rapunzel’s healing hair comes out of nowhere, as does the song sung to make its magic work. When she rubs her hair on his wound and starts singing as he lay there dying, you might be extremely confused if you hadn’t seen the movie. And by “Might” I mean “WILL”

This world did something interesting with its music that I wish Toy Box had done. When you enter a certain area of the forest, the music (and battle music) change to suit the atmosphere of the area. It was a small touch but it was appreciated and missed once I got to Toy Box...

This is also the first world where we encounter the Nobodies.

4/5. It loses a point for the janky story, but everything else was great

TOY BOX Consisting of two areas, Toy box becomes massive as soon as you leave Andy’s room. It was bizarre running around in a photo realistic suburban street as a tiny toy, (and the fact that you’re a toy in this world is the only reason I like it) and the toy store, Galaxy Toys, is a massive 3 floor area full of toy mechs (seriously they spawn in with regular enemies, you can end up with 5 of them on you very fast).

The mech gameplay was surprisingly fleshed out for a one-world wonder. There are three types of mechs, red, blue, and purple, and they seem to work in a rock-paper-scissors type of deal. Purple has an advantage on red, red has an advantage on blue, and blue has an advantage on purple. Each of the mechs has a different amount of health and firing speed to balance them out further.

The world loses points with me however due to the fact that an instrumental version of “You’ve got a friend in me” is playing throughout the whole world. It became grating very fast and its still stuck in my head.

3.5/5

MONSTEROPLOUS  Taking place almost entirely in doors, this world feels a lot like Kingdom Hearts 2 in the worst way (Hallway, arena, hallway), broken up by rail segments. The “arena” sections at least try to keep things interesting though, with one becoming a  “the walls are a hazard” type of deal. This world introduces us to the Unversed and is actually the only world where they appear, so there’s not many of them.

The battle music in this world was also great. I don’t know, there was just something about it that jived with me.

Story wise, this world takes place after the first Monster’s Inc movie. Sully is the CEO, and laugh energy is the new hotness. Randal is back thanks to his new friend and literally wants to make all children suffer chronic depression forever because, while its not as strong as laughter, sadness is a far more abundant form of energy or something.

Other than that, there’s not much to say about this world. Its not bad, but its not great

3/5 (the fact that it has its own story instead of following the plot of the movie earns it an additional point.

ARENDELLE This was the first world where it really felt like “Disney shenanigans”. Sora was just kind of there while the plot of Frozen happened, and like with Tangled, the story progressed without Sora or us present, and again, if you hadn’t seen the movie, you’d be lost. Unlike tangled, it lacked little character interactions to at least make Sora feel connected in some way.

The boss in this world was a combination of amazing cinematic attacks and a rehash of Scar in KH2, and your Disney buddy for this world was a legitimate surprise.

I enjoyed the reindeer Heartless in this world too. Not only do they take huge damage from fire, but it also melts their antlers, preventing them from using their annoying attacks. However Donald the super-genius would often hit them with Blizzard which would give their antlers back...

2/5

THE CARIBBEAN  This world. THIS FUCKING WORLD Its so good. Its perfect. Its like its own game There’s a huge ocean full of little islands to explore, the under water combat WORKS and is FUN. The primary heartless you’ll run into under water is a fish that changes color, and is weak to a different element depending on said color, giving you something to think about while fighting it. You can just wale on it if you want, or you can use magic and work out its weakness to dispatch it quickly.

You get your own pirate ship. SORA FINALLY LIVIN THE DREAM! The pirate ship can be upgraded for more health and canons by finding white crabs (Can’t explain how that works without spoilers), it has its own reaction commands that devastate enemy ships, OH and there are ENEMY SHIPS. SHIP BATTLES. SHIP ON SHIP COMBAT

Again tho, like with Tangled and Frozen, the story likes to progress while Sora is off dicking around. However, the supporting characters do a better job of explaining what happened while Sora was AFK than anyone in Corona or Arendelle did. The fact that Sora is already familiar with most of the cast thanks to KH2 also helps this along a bit tho. Sora doesn’t feel completely tacked on despite being completely tacked on.

This world suffers even more severely from what it suffered from in KH2 tho. That being IT IS EXTREMELY JARRING AND IMMERSION BREAKING TO SEE CARTOON-ASS SORA, DONALD AND GOOFY CHILLING OUT WITH HYPER REALISTIC JOHNNY DEPP AND CO

Despite the negatives, the gameplay of this world makes up for all of it

7.5/5: Too much water

SAN FRANSOKIO The story does what Kingdom Hearts 3 worlds haven proven to do best and does its own thing. Sora arrives in San fransokyo some time after the events of Big Hero 6. Hiro has built a new Baymax but is still torn up about the original his brother built being lost to the void, and now weird robot heartless are attacking (Hint: Bring thunder) Sora makes fast friends with the crew (as he tends to do) and through helping them with the heartless, gives each member ideas on how they can upgrade their gear.

The world consists of 2 areas. Hiro’s garage, and downtown San Fransokyo, which is basically mini spider-man PS4. While in Hero’s garage, you can choose to explore the city during the day or night. Heartless do not appear during the day, so if you just wanna run around and explore, find treasure and hidden mickey’s, hit the town during the day. But if you’re looking to level up (and this is the final world with enemy spawns so you will be) then you should hit the town at night.

While the downtown area is small (especially just coming off the open seas of the pirates world), it makes up for it in both verticality and density.

4/5 (Extra point added for the presence of Thigh queen Go Go Tomago)

100 ACRE WOOD Its a single area with 3 almost identical mini games, it’ll take you about 20 minutes to get through, there’s a keyblade at the end, 0/5

KEYBLADE GRAVEYARD This is the final world of the game and serves as the site for the final battles with the organization. Its basically a series of arena matches where Sora teams up with one or more of his friends to take on multiple members of the organization at once. It dominoes into the final conflict with the 3 main Norts. Young, Heartless, and Nobody all at once while Old man watches and throws Keyblades at you occasionally. 

Gameplay is all boss combat. Story is all PLOT

5/5 on both counts

THE FINAL WORLD Okay no THIS is the final world. Literally. Its entirely main plot based so I won’t go into any actual detail. It consists of a single room which is a giant cube puzzle (Not like the movie “Cube”, like you’re standing on a big cube thing). Which would be SUPER cool if it weren’t for the fact that Sora’s flow motion abilities completely break it.

Plot wise 5/5 Gameplay wise 1/5

SCALA AD CAELUM OKAY NO THIS IS THE REAL FINAL WORLD FOR REAL A city located in the past, this is the site of the true final battle with Xehanort and his 12 selves. you go up against the 12 all at once (they seem to share a health bar tho so its not that bad) as they utilize their own weapons (Xigbar’s guns, Marluxia’s scythe, etc, etc) to just honestly beat the hell out of you. A small section of town serves as your arena, making this perhaps the most geographically diverse fighting arena in the game’s history.

Once those naughty bois are shut down, Xehanort is like “Wanna see something cool?” and tosses you into a legitimately disorientating arena for the beginning of the final showdown between peace boy and naughty grandpa

There’s no gameplay here outside of combat and plot but its a 5/5 none the less

FINAL THOUGHTS This game was at its best when it wasn’t rehashing the plots of the worlds it visited (Tangled, Frozen, Pirates), but either doing its own thing (you know, the Kingdom Hearts plot?), creating new plots set in the worlds visited (Big Hero 6, toy Story, Monsters Inc.) or somehow doing a combo of the 3 (Hercules)

I found it EXTREMELY disappointing that all traces of original Square Enix characters are just gone. We get a single mention of Cloud and Auron in an exposition dump at the beginning of Olympus and thats it. And before you mention the main Nomura OC cast: they’re owned by Disney, not Square.

The game wrapped up pretty much all the major plot points and answered a lot of long standing questions, but also didn’t answer one question in particular that I’m sure has driven a lot of us into the depth of insanity. It also posses a couple new questions, such as “Who?” and “How?” and “What the fuck?” 

Overall, this game is at its best when its focusing on the main plot, with everything in between feeling more like filler... So a standard Kingdom Hearts game.

In the end, despite the lack of FF, and the falling into disney shenanigans, this was a great game and an excellent ending to the dark seeker saga. Going forward, I hope the future games (and there definitely will be future games, this is by no means the end of Kingdom Hearts) don’t do what this saga did and spread the plot over 200 games on 200 different consoles over 200 god damn years. If thats the case I think KH3 will be my jumping-off point. However, if they’ve come to their senses and choose to release the next saga of games like normal human beings instead of depraved madmen, I am 100% on board. However, seeing as Nomura is a depraved madman (see FFXV development for details) I am extremely cautious in my optimism.

Final score from me is 4.5/5: WHATS IN THE BOX?!

[popculturebuffet]

Animaniacs: King Yakko Review (Comission by BlahDiddy)

Hello my beautiful technicolor rainbow! It’s time for Animaniacs, and while there is no balonga in my slacks there is one last christmas review for my friend to finish up, and after two visits to Acme Lab for the spinoff we’re finishing up with a look at Animaniacs proper.  Suprisingly for a show that stands so easily on it’s own it’s existance is entirely thanks to another show: Tiny Toon Adventures, which had largely the same staff, including ep and co-creator stephen speilberg and Todd Ruegger, who was brought aboard from A Pup Named Scooby Doo. Since TIny Toon was a colossal hit with tons of awards and merch, including some very good video games I wish Warner would find a way to re-release, I mean.. come on if disney can rerelease the disney afternoon games (If...not..for..switch), and LIon King and Aladdin games (If somehow FOR switch), then Warner, which has it’s own game stuido no less, can put together a collection of the good Tiny Toons games when the new show comes out soon. 

Point is it was a mass sucess and Warner Bros likes money, so they had Speilberg try to get Rutger to come up with another show for the two of them to do, something with name value. Rutger found his inpsiration when seeing the iconic warner water tower and taking some platypus characters, came up with our heroes and the rest is history.. well okay he retooled them from plataups’ to early looney tunes and other toons style characters minus the racisim of say bosko the tall ink kid but still, the rest after that is history. And the rest of this review is after the cut

The show was, and KINDA still is, a variety show: taking a page from looney tunes, as well as tex avery’s other work, the crew decided rather than just focus on the warners, to instead create a whole cast with various ensembles to work with so we got Pinky and the Brain, The Goodfeathers, Rita and Runt,  the Hip HIppos, Katie Kaboom, Chicken Boo, and my personal faviorite Slappy Squirrel.. and the bane of my existance, Buttons and Mindy.. or rather Mindy’s Mom. The kid did nothing wrong.  So naturally the first thing Animaniacs related I cover.. is an episode entirely breaking from format for one 20 something minute Warners cartoon. I do intend to do more animanics stuff in the future, so i’ll hopefully get a chance to talk about everyone, I just feel unlike with say house of mouse most people reading this probably know who they all are, and I can save any deep dives for if I cover the characters specifically. Spoilers: there’s probably never going to be a buttons and mindy deep dive unless someone tourtues me by paying for it. 

So with that out of the way, we can dive into the episode.. which I won’t be covering in my usual recap it point by point because the writers have freely admitted that’s not what Animaniacs is about. While some of i’ts SEGMENTS are more story based like Pinky and the Brain, Goodfeathers and Rita and Runt, most are just based on simple set ups to reams and reams of gags. And I love it. I grew up with this stuff not just Tiny Tunes and Animaniacs but the classic Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry and Droopy shorts. 

Their well timed, well executed feats of comedy and most have aged pretty well.. emphasis on MOST. I’m keenly aware why there are several gaps in the shorts for both Tom and Jerry and The Looney Tunes on HBO Max, including all of the Pepe LePew and Speedy Gonzalez shorts. Also all of Droopy is missing. 

My grumblin aside though, it is VERY NICE to have all the classic Warner and Tom and Jerry shorts at my fingertips and it was one of the biggest selling points of Max for me. Last year I gained an intrest in the old disney theatrical shorts, hence my various birthday specials, so I BADLY wanted to revisit the theatrical shorts I grew up with. And honestly.. Max is the best way to do that: their in crisp hd, in neat season collections (Though the Looney Tunes one is better sorted, tom and jerry’s seasons are just.. random smatterings of shorts across various eras), and most importantly EVERY SHORT they felt comfortable with putting up there is on there. Every. Single. One.  I make a big deal about this because Disney.. has only maybe 30-40 of their hundreds of shorts on there. Now lucky for me the vast majority are still on youtube and I get why some really arne’t suitable.. we probably don’t need the donald duck short where he prepares to shoot a penguin in the face or the Goofy short where his own reflection, the goofy equilvent of tyler durden I guess?, keeps saying “Hey Fat” to him. And yes BOTH of these actually happened. But.. there’s MANY shorts with no clear excuse why their absent like the triplets first apperance, gus’ only apperance, and one a friend told me about.. that time mickey built a robot to box a gorillia. Again not making this up, just wondering why you can’t restore the rest of these for plus. They’ve ADDED shorts ocasionally, but it still dosen’t make a whole lot of sense to just.. not have them all up there. and to not put them in some sorta collection for easier consumption but hey it’s Disney. They either full ass things or half ass it. There is no middle ground.  Point is Warner.. actually cares about their heritage in shorts and honors it and thus has everything avaliable in the best quality, so tha’ts nice.

My point after that detour is I really love this kind of humor, and now as an adult I can see the effort the timing, pacing and character chemistry these shorts had takes. And Rugger and co.. they got it. They got it down perfect. And this episode is a great show of that and just how they barely updated this format for the 90′s. But as I said it’s more about the jokes and basic setup, our heroes are slotted into x scenario and just left to run wild. It’s been the basic seutp for looney tunes, tom and jerry and all the gag based greats, and it works perfectly here. Sure there’s some setting and continuity with the warner lot, scratch n sniff, ralph, plotz and in the reboot Rita, but it’s mostly just our heroes go up against “X asshole” and it just works. 

And that’s.. entirley what this episode is. The short is an homage to the graucho marx film Duck Soup, which given the warners were based on the marx brothers that isn’t a huge suprise, a film like brian’s song I have not seen, but genuinely want to. The basic setup is the same: An underqualified womanizer, though since htis is Yakko it dosen’t get past hitting on his chancelor, played by hello nurse, constantly, which is still.. ewwwww... but clearly not the same thing, becomes king of a small nation and ends up at war with another country. There were spies and other stuff in the original short but that was left out to streamline things.  But this homage stands on it’s own fine: The basic plot is this: Yakko, due to being a distant relative and the last one alive, becomes king of the small happy and very musical, as the wonderful opening number shows, country of Anvilania, which makes anvils and why yes there is one MASSIVE anvil gag as a result at the end. Yakko says he’ll try his best and geninely tries to with the shenanigans you’d expect, including Dot not gettnig Polka Dot’s are a thing and instead taknig any mention of it as a sign to polka, Yakko again hitting on his colleague and wanting ot get a new anthem because the current one by “Perry Coma’ puts people to sleep. Honeslty that gag didn’t do it for me: Partly because I genuinely know next to nothing about Como and he’s far past my generation.. and because despite this, SCTV did a MUCH better Perry Como gag over a decade before this episode that while still left me baffled as to why anyone cared about mocking him, was 80 times funnier and felt far less like you needed to know who he was to be funny. 

That being said it’s one of only three running gags, and jokes period that didn’t land for me. The other ones being the hello nurse bits, because it’s aged really badly to have Yakko harass one of his employees and his age is hte only thing that keeps it from scuttling the episode as he’s just 13 or 14. Maybe 15. 

So SO glad I now have that on hand whenever i need it. The other being the “Your highness” joke as it just.. dosen’t make much sense and isn’t very funny. But that’s it: a refrence i specfically don’t get and I doubt most of you will, and if you do fine we all have our frames of refrences, a joke that’s dated very poorly, and one that just.. didn’t land. And even then the Perry Coma thing’s third use to knock out the opposing army DID work for me as did the VERY clever joke of “Sire” “Maybe later”, so even the weaker bits still had some legs.  But getting back to what little plot there is the king of the rival country, upon hearing this, assumes he can easily intimidate a child into giving him the throne and goes to a royal reception. Instead, as you’d expect, the Warners mistake him for a party clown, show him no respect and fail to take his delcration of war seriously, and while in a REALLY great gag, and the reason i’m not doing a strict summary is 90% of the review would be me saying something to that effect, Yakkos’ call to action for his troops ends up having them all run off in fear, the Warners take out the army as noted above and then in one of the most GLORIOUS climaxes in the series history...

 In which the Warners give the bad guy “all the anvils” as he requested. I sadly coulnd’t find a clip of it but seek it out if you got hulu, my words can’t do it justice as they hit him with anvil after anvil in increasingly clever and insane ways till the guy finally gives up and it .. is glorious.  Other highlights not already mentioned include: The opening song, the bad guy dictator from the other nation not being able to hear because of his helmet and his attendee having to lift it, leading to Yakko taking off his helmet just to end the “what’ running gag, Yakko’s bit explaning his distant relation and more.  So yeah not a ton to say on this one. It’s a very good, very funny episode but also very typical of a warner cartoon in structure, just stretched over 22 or so minutes. As I said with few exceptions the jokes work, the anmation is crisp as always, and the climax is one of the series best. A crisp, quick watch and a nice quick review after a week of with some really tough ones behind me and ahead of me and a month of rather large ones a few weeks out. So yeah if you like animaniacs, even ifyou’ve seen this one worth a watch, if you have any more animaniacs you’d like me to take a look at feel free to comment or comission and until the next rainbow..