#so like isn't that a waste of a world?
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...Is Persuasion home-front fiction?
Obviously there's not a war happening just then, but you still get a story taking place in a vast world with all sorts of exciting things happening, but we focus on the people living small domestic lives far away from all that.
#persuasion#jane austen#i keep thinking about that cinderella retelling#getting pretty excited about how things are developing#but then it hit me that i have this vast world of flying sailing ships and explorers and daring pilots#but the story is all about a character who's left behind in ordinary life away from all that#so like isn't that a waste of a world?#on the one hand maybe#but on the other hand the austen type of stories i'm drawing from already *are* this#(and my mc does get a bit of adventure)#(and has been shaped by experience in the more exciting elements of that world)#(plus there's nothing wrong with focusing on how all the changes brought about by the exciting explorers and airships stuff)#(affects the culture of ordinary life)#adventures in writing
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Man, it's cool and all if you see a metaphor for marginalisation in the monstrous, and if you want the power fantasy of 'what if you could just eat anybody who threatened you/pissed you off'. Me too.
However, as soon as you start saying 'no, these monsters are a 1:1 on Specific Marginalised Group, and you have to treat them in the fiction like they are directly representative of real human members of the marginalised group', BUT you also, in the fiction, make them hurt/kill/eat humans? And then try to shame me, your audience, for noticing or engaging with the bit where they kill people, because you made them directly representative of a real-world marginalised group? You have lost me, and also, I think, the plot.
#hear yourself. for the love of whatever you cherish.#'but they only kill bigots so ACTUALLY they're the GOOD GUYS -' your metaphor of monstrosity is entirely premised on the question of#'what if what you went around righteously killing; believing your actions to be justified;#were actually people and it was not in fact righteous or justified to just kill them'#'what if the world isn't neatly split into 'good guys' and 'bad guys'#who gets to decide who or what is 'bad'? because that's the original problem of monstrosity-as-metaphor-for-marginalisation#(if as a creator you say 'oh my intention with this was X' cool!#if instead you go with something like. well.#'well in this setting monsters are so rare it doesn't matter that they kill people and you'd have to be a homicidal sadistic psychopath >#< to hunt them; but sure I guess if you want to play a Bad Person' well I might have#but if you're going to explicitly judge me for wanting to engage with the moral question of 'how justified is this and who would do it#versus how justified are these monsters if they do have to harm or kill people to continue to exist'#then maybe I just don't want to play your game at all)#anyway I'm sick to death of poor uwu cozy vampires who are SO marginalised so I'm not Allowed to care about all the people they murder#it being fucked up is what's fun about it! do all the other shit but let me take the murders seriously!#and inb4 someone accuses me of being a bigot for saying 'actually I don't think you get a free pass to kill and eat people if you're gay'#remember when the CW's famously reactionary and conservative Supernatural tried to just gloss over the part where every time its heroes >#< killed a demon with a magic knife it also killed the person the demon was possessing#and say 'oh no it's fine we don't care about those killings; they don't matter; don't bother caring about them either'#but they were doing it to glorify exactly the kind of people that these 'monster as metaphor' stories are trying to cast as expendable?#I have other examples that are like. real dramas. but That Paranormal Show is the one that's in the same niche that I'm talking about here#it feels more insidious when it comes through a fantasy show where there are monsters involved#so you can say 'no it's not real so it doesn't matter'#but then ALL of it is equally not real. and vampires are not actually an oppressed group. because they don't exist.#you can say 'these vampires are a metaphor for an oppressed group so this fiction matters in real life'#or you can say 'don't care about the murders because they weren't actually real'#but you can't say both and then get mad at ME for treating the murders as seriously as the vampires#let me engage with your premise and don't waste my fucking time#or just set your fluff in the Sesame Street universe where vampires drink cherry Kool-Aid and help kids learn to count
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I know it shouldn't surprise me, but it's frustrating af to step outside the fandom and read about OFMD's cancellation on more general entertainment sites and see the majority of reactions be along the lines of "oh well it was probably Taika being over it, he always gave me the ick anyway so, whatever," and then often devolving into comments about his personal life, or conspiracy theories that can be disproven if you use your brains for 30 seconds or maybe step outside and touch grass idk idk.
And this isn't me saying "omg how could you dislike Taika" bc truly unless you're being racist or antisemitic (which, let's be real, many are), I don't give a fuck what you think about him.
But the point remains that if you have a show that is all about celebrating queer joy and finding yourself later in life, that has a diverse cast of characters in terms of race, ethnicity, sexuality, and body type, that was WRITTEN by a diverse group of writers, that is receiving praise from critics and fans alike, that from all reports was one of Max's most successful shows despite them doing next to no promotion the first season, that had two successful seasons and the creator is on the record saying he had a plan to tell the entire story in three, and it gets CANCELED.
I don't give a fuck how you feel about Taika, or how you feel about OFMD. You SHOULD be concerned about that. Because your show is next.
And before you come at me with "it's just a show, have you seen what's happening in the world?" Yeah. I fucking have. And the arts matter. They have always mattered. It's how we've shared stories and fostered communities and passed down what's important to us as a society. And they've brought us joy. And I don't know about you, but I think we could all do with a fuckton more joy in our lives.
This is absolutely a huge loss, and unfortunately it's not going to be the last as streaming services continue to go deeper in crisis. If that doesn't concern you, idk, go enjoy yourself watching season 47 of The Bachelor.
#also truly if you're going to come on here and immediately start spouting the very nonsense I described above#kindly get fucked#and then do something productive with your life like calling your representatives or donating or going to a protest#you being a dick to people who are upset isn't going to do anything#your smug self-righteousness isn't going to save the world#the world sucks and people should be allowed to experience joy by watching a show where they feel represented#and anyway if you try it on this post or in my inbox I won't be engaging I'll just be blocking#so you're wasting both of our times#byeeeee!!!#ofmd
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a lot of the time and I mean like once per week I somewhat wish that I wrote ship fics like a normal person instead of x reader. the problem is. I am not normal
#definitely feel like x reader fics are nowhere near as respected or appreciated as other fics#and this is not a new development at all#I don't really read ship fics because#I don't really ship anything......... lol#but on the rare occasions where I do#it seems like people always appreciate the writing in those fics way more#not just where popularity is concerned#but it's much more likely to see comments of people praising what they liked about the writing#even on smut fics#but for x reader it's very rare#I think a lot of people are shy to comment and I get that#because before I became a writer I was too#literally almost everything I have ever written and probably ever will write I write for me#because I enjoy it and writing about me and my silly characters is what makes me happy#but uuuggggggh#it feels so so good to have someone say what they liked about your writing#it makes me feel like oh. all of this isn't just a time waste#and even though writing is the most freeing feeling in the world#there is a clear pain and disappointment sometimes#when you make something where it feels like no one understands but you#the only solution!!!! is to write what you want and not care!!!!!!!!!
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has anyone noticed the world is getting so much smaller lately
#ive been actively suicidal for many months now and it keeps getting worse#im not safe anywhere im not either working at or paying to be and even then anyone can hurt me at any time and i just have to take it#i don't even want to go anywhere anymore#my cat just died he had some kind of disease or maybe cancer and he was throwing up so much he just gave up on eating#and i kept telling them he was losing a lot of weight but they ignored it until he was skin and bones and dehydrated and jaundiced#and it was too late#and i want to waste away too but im not even strong enough i just keep working like always#the world is just so small now#this isn't like. a suicide note or anything ill keep living for now#but i am fucking desperate#suicide m#animal death#idk what else#im sorry to whiny ventpost but idk what else to do
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My most controversial/pickme opinion is that I simply do not like the chocolate man. I know this is so Hater of me and I can't help it, I just find his vidoes gross and annoying. Sorry I hate fun and whimsy, but all I can think whenever I see his stuff is how wasteful and unnecessary it all is.
Yes the talent, the artistry, the skill and time but...who is eating these concoctions? Are they going to waste?? Do people actually consume and enjoy this food or does it just get thrown out?? Not even taking into account the ethics of sourcing that much chocolate because I'm not qualified to speak on it but it just cringes me out and I can't not think about it whenever his videos cross my dash :/
#it reminds me of the scene from the 2000s wonka movie#with the guy who wanted a chocolate palace#I just can't imagine a world where all that food isn't going to waste#and it also intersects with my specific food icks#idk y'all please don't cancel me for this#I just need to get it off my chest bc I see him on here so much#and it feels like nobody else is bothered by it#acornposting#hot takes I guess
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I know this one guy who enjoys doing this singular menial labor task when they can set their own hours, only work to their personal standard, focus only on the aspects of the work they personally find fulfilling, only do the work either by themselves or exclusively with their close personal friends, only share the benefits of that work with either themselves or the people they personally care about, and quit whenever they stop enjoying it. This means that if we get rid of capitalism everyone would just sorta be cool about it and work the lithium mines.
#just summarized this hour and a half anti-work video essay i almost got sucked into for you you're welcome#also feel the need to clarify this isn't about the election this is just me being parasocial and sub-tweeting a 5k andy youtuber#their big end point was well i do work to care for people i love what if we got rid of work and just did things for people we love#and extended the definition of 'people we love' to the entire-wire-world#and its like lady i hate to break it to you#but anyone who would say that has never had to participate in or witness the soul-crushing work of having to care for a loved one#if you think the guilt of being kinda shit at your make-work corporate daycare job is bad#wait until you have to choose between a mental breakdown and your dementia-riddled mother eating tonight#and also#at a certain point a civilization needs a means of compelling people to do work they don't want to do#historically that means was widespread and brutal violence#the miracle of capitalism is that now we use money instead#put another way#you can find guys out there who genuinely like working waste management#there's not enough of them to deal with everybody's shit#idk i understand the complaints of the anti work crowd its just that their solutions are so fucking stupid
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Irene bro if you see this I want you to know I've been podcasting (talking loudly and emphatically to myself) abt that Grammy Gun post for Hours. I started ranting in the rb tags and then I got so mad I started a spreadsheet on my phone Yes I have the Excel app. No I did not finish my tags
#Pacing around my house ''IN LIEU OF A PERSONALITY TAYLOR HAS A MARKETING STRATEGY AND THAT'S WHY WHITE AMERICANS LOVE HER''#''BC SHE'S A WHITE GIRL NEPOBABY & THEREBY PERFECTLY EMBODIES WESTERN IDEALS: MARTYR COMPLEX + ARYAN PROFIT + QTY>QUALITY + CENTRIST + MID'#''AND IT'S PROBABLY TOO GENEROUS TO CALL HER A CENTRIST WHEN SHE'S NEVER REBUKED THE PPL WHO CLAIM HER AS THEIR ARYAN PRINCESS''#''THE VENN DIAGRAM OF PPL WHO ARE SICK OF HEARING ABT PALESTINE AND PPL WHO CAPE FOR TAYLOR IS ALMOST CERTAINLY A SINGLE PERFECT CIRCLE''#''IN WHAT WORLD IS SHE A TORTURED POET HER WRITING IS ON PAR WITH RUPI KAUR AND— WHO'S EMAILING ME FUCK OFF''#In the shower ''AND ANOTHER THING''#She's the physical manifestation of privileged ppl's desire to be oppressed bc they can't stand when the convo isn't abt them lmfaooooo#''it's hard for skinny white conventionally attractive cishet ppl whose fathers were bankers too!!! Don't erase my truth!!! 😭''#''Taylor is the number one most streamed/whatever artist in the world''#Popularity or notoriety? Bc the US is also well-known for Trump + Texas + public shootings + genocide + wasting money on football stadiums#But again! She's the Western/American Ideal Made Flesh! It's Punk To Have Money And Connections!#And Being White Is The Punkest Of ALL!#Oh my Christ I say this all the time but if university classes have to be offered on her they should be in Marketing and Ethics#She should be a business school case study and that is NOOOT a. Compliment#She couldn't even stick with country bc how truly country of an experience could she have had when her daddy was rich like#She doesn't have the range like idc if you like her just don't act like she's revolutionary when all her movements are calculated + LATERAL#It's not art it's business acumen please she is rewarded by the Grammies bc they respect her for upholding Capitalism I'm so tired#Remember when they gave AOTY to HARRY last year when Beyoncé and Benitito were RIGHT THERE#It's propaganda just like the news plzzzzzzzzzzzz you are all lemmings and she know it which is why she is so good at CONNING YOU#ME N BRO TAG#These are not the comments I wrote on that post you tagged me in btw I got out of the shower to write these FRESH#You know Kacey Musgraves is coming out w a new record too and even tho she got cut out of the CMAs last time she's still proudly country...#I am never drying my hair at this rate#Too busy explaining to you - in complete detail -..........
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oh yes ladies I was asked out (on a DATE) last week and I'm still cry-laughing over it because WOW that went down SO badly
#think like mr collins meets eeyore but incredibly fixated on politics and thinks art and literature are a waste of time#apparently he isn't super dejected that I declined the offer because and I QUOTE#'she's a nice girl and has a nice personality and if i were to have a girlfriend she has the traits i'd want my girlfriend to have#however i'm not actually attracted to her' like BRO why did you ask me on a DATE THEN ???????? huh????????#anyway men continue to be a mystery to me NO idea how their minds work#i have learned since that this boy almost never showers and is a bit of a slob so i may have dodged a bullet#he thinks i have a nice personality because i just gave up arguing with him at one point. some of his ideas on 'wives submitting#to husbands' and all that sort of thing are super alarming and i didn't have the energy to muster up a rational argument against some of hi#wilder ideas. anyway this was such a bizarre experience not gonna lie#in other unrelated news i have concluded that if a boy wishes to grow out facial hair in order to look like a man#it rather makes him look like he's TRYING to look like a man. that's all i got on that#lads i suppose the tail end of this equates to what a wild world this is...... he also happens to be friends with the ex boyfriend#every once in a while i think life is going to go quiet and peaceful and then something bonkers like this happens! lol
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what shatters you ?
⸻ exhaustion
you have tried to be atlas for far too long. your legs tremble and shoulders creak beneath the weight of the world you carry. every step forward is a battle , yet you soldier on . . . for what ? when will you learn that you are allowed to lower your heavy burdens ?
tagged by : @amourem ( peekaboo ) tagging : i'm late so feel free to if you haven't already !
#* ✦ 𝐈𝐕. ❮ isms ❯ ⸻ ❝#* ✦ 𝐕𝐈. ❮ muses ❯ ⸻ ❝ 「 osamu dazai 」#* ✦ 𝐗𝐈𝐈. ❮ dash games ❯ ⸻ ❝#dazai is so complex that i feel like any of these choices are applicable#like he's undoubtedly sorrowful and he's experienced betrayal#but i think exhaustion is definitely a part that's overlooked#the fact he was in a fishing container surrounded by chemical waste for most of his developmental years#and even now he probably doesn't get nearly enough sleep aside from the occasional forty winks#but him also trying to save the world from the invasion by going against the one opponent that he knows only he could face#and on top of that he doesn't even have time to address the issues that are personal to him#or rather he avoids them and pretends he isn't impacted#or perhaps he feels like he doesn't deserve to be distraught and regretful over them in fact he deserves to feel this way#much to think about
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#idk how to deal with how my relationship currently works#I love her more than anything in the world I just don't think she actually has any romantic feelings left for me...#other than just me being her best friend and family and the fact we've been together so long there just isn't much of anything else..#it just feels like there's so little to no romantic love left in our relationship and that she resents me for putting her in this position#where she cut herself off from everything back in her hometown where she came from just to pursue a relationship with me#and because I can't make her feel loved in the way she needs. in ways I used to make her feel about our relationship#and now 7 years later she feels like she's wasted the best years of her youth#with someone that she doesn't even know if she loves anymore#because all the shifts in dynamics. terrible poly relationships. my inability to not get romantically involved with her partners#which just ends up making everything very awkward and usually just ends in disaster. hurting our relationship#At this point all kinds of intimacy feels so forced that it makes it so hard to believe it's genuine intimacy and not pity or obligation#because of all the baggage in the last 7 years our BPD and rejection sensitive dysphoria makes romance and intimacy so difficult#it's so hard to look past all the failed attempts and heartache in the past when you remember it all#right now we're decided to separate romantically and she's going go look for other partners so she can learn to love again#before she'll even try to approach having a romantic relationship with me again#she's my favorite person in the world and I would do anything for her.. I just don't know how much there's left for me to do at this point.#I don't know what to do..#I don't even have anyone to talk about it because she's the only person I've talked to in the last 3 years because I'm such a shut-in#and I have literally no friends...#I just feel so fucking alone
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#sometimes i wish i could tell my mutuals that the discourse isn't worth it without sounding like That Kinda Person ykno#but as someone who was caught up in that sort of discourse around like 2016 or so i assure you it is a waste of time#it's infighting that doesn't need to happen. it Seems like it's reflective of the real world but once you pull yourself out of it#you realise that it's just a bunch of very online back and forth when reality is all peace and love in that department; outliers are few#this could honestly apply to a lot of things#anyone can do whatever they want forever. internalise that repeatedly every day and without exception.#identify root causes and support each other in dismantling them#all the drama people talk about i simply Do Not See Anymore because i'm not caught up in it; the world is beautiful once you disengage#anyway sorry for the vague meta discourse#peace and love!!! 777
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You should become a muslim.
I don't ever plan on joining any kind of organized religion, because i already know that the stuff i believe won't mesh with any specific one. Um. So thanks but no thanks !
#horse.txt#i believe everything has a soul#reincarnation is real#theres no afterlife (good or bad)#so existence isn't about earning your way into a vip club in the sky#it's about collecting as many experiences as possible#good and bad big and small#kindness is natural and so is cruelty--all creatures will be inclined towards one or the other and theres no way to change that fact#so its best to just focus on whatever you can manage. no one is required to try to change the world for the better#that is an opt in activity. the natural way to live is to seek your own happiness--so if thats all you can manage#then just do that#organized religion has never worked for me; i grew up going to christian churches and i hate it#and even doing group pagan events feels off and disingenuous to me--and its strictly a Me thing its not to do with the religions themselves#though i do genuinely hate christianity with a fiery burning passion that grows with every passing day#i do not care that not all Christians are 'bad' because its becoming increasingly obvious to me that even still#being Christian Keeps those people from being as good as they COULD have been#'hate the sin love the sinner' or you could just learn to have compassion for your fellow man and quit being a debby downer#sins don't fucking exist theyre just activities that you don't like. just say thats what it is. applying morality to everything under#the sun is just semantics. you are wasting our time when we could LITERALLY be outside eating fruit and watching the clouds#grow up#sorry didnt mean to get aggressive my train of thought just does whatever sometimes
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Throwing a tantrum because I tried to play another game and I'm deeply afraid of things repeating where I might get attached to my character but he'd only really matter to me. Going through that fucking lonely experience again? I must really like punishing myself if I'm willing to put myself through that yet again.
#and i feel like i'm leaving behind my oc's in cp2077#which ive done literally nothing with--zero fucking stories or anything good to show for it#so it feels like my time here was/is wasted#which i know isn't true because im not going anywhere and im not done creating in that world#im fine--just fucking crying like a dumbass over shit that doesn't really matter#its just a fucking game and im treating it like it's some big test that I need to get a good grade on#and the kicker is? i kinda like my character that I created so far#i have a vague idea of what I want him to be#but there go the 'no one will care or acknowledge him' thoughts#which i know isn't true#but im so used to feeling that--i just automatically assume it's going to happen again
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Probably going to give myself a mohawk (there has to be a better word for that) today even though I'm dreading my mom yelling at me every single day about it. I don't know how to tell you this but almost killing yourself makes you realize nothing matters and life is too short to not be able to cut your hair when you want and the way you want and life is too short for it to be as miserable as possible
#She doesn't know and she will never know!!#My earliest genuine contemplation of suicide was at age 13 after I was beat up at school and she said it was my fault because I was annoyin#I had been planning to tell her I was also sexually assaulted that week but the way she acted about being physically assaulted baby no way!#I went out on the roof and planned to jump but I didn't think it was high enough to kill me so I did not#Plus I did not want to die and be buried on a goddamn peanut farm like my favorite dog#Mental health isn't real and she is the only person in the world allowed to feel sad or anxious or bad about herself#She says shit like 'my brother touched me and hit me with his car and I didn't want to get a sex change because of it!!'#In the gentlest way possible. Kill yourself you fucking waste of carbon#If you're not going to get therapy and you're just going to traumatize a whole litter of children to this day then you deserve to die
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So I've calmed down. After today's events I find myself even more vindicated in my hatred for my family, but that's neither here nor there. I'm not trying to vent so often on this blog (feels too oversharey), so instead I'll let y'all know that my birthday is in two weeks! Specifically the 24th. So that's cool.
#unma rambles#ignore the tags below I was only going to mention the uni stuff and then things just kinda started rolling out and now it feels like a-#waste to delete them#I'll be heading to uni on the 22nd for orientation on the 23rd though#so that's another year in a row of depressing shit happening around my birthday#at least this time it's something somewhat good (uni) and not my dad shipping me off to a camp I insisted I didn't want to go to#to the point that he forcibly packed my things and made it so I couldn't go back home otherwise that Sunday#which I still haven't forgiven him for#(man every time I think about them I remember something that makes me hate my parents. funny how that works.#It's almost like there's nothing good to remember)#fyi the uni is a christian university that requires attending service for credits which is why I'm not happy#reminder: I'm agnostic but was raised christian in a christian family#and an acquaintance from church is also going to that uni. and attending the same course#which isn't the end of the world but I can't help but feel bummed out#because I just know someone's gonna use her to see how I'm doing since I never answer phone calls#wow I said I wouldn't vent but here I am#tbf my reaction to this is more disappointment and mild annoyance than the depressive spirals I used to deal with#so I guess that means I'm improving#or that it's not big enough of a problem for it to trigger that#oh well#all of this means I'm not exactly looking forward to my birthday but I've never looked forward to one since I was 10#so that's just typical at this point#hm come to think of it the camp thing isn't the only thing that happened near my birthday and resulted in depressive spirals huh#kinda sounds to me like my birthdays have just sucked#at best they were meh and at worst they sucked to the point I look forward to one where nothing happens at this point#that happened once#my birthday had nothing done for it because of reasons (I don't blame my parents for this they had valid reasons to do so)#and I just forgot about it#the tags of my post that was supposed to be about my birthday was not where I expected to unpack my shitty experiences with past birthdays#but here I am I guess
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