#so like i appreciate everyone who writes / draws him as having scars etc and will just accept that canon is Wrong

[soap-brain]

love how fics describe eliot's hands as rough and calloused when in the show he has the prettiest softest little prince hands

[xiexiecaptain]

Shadow & Bone rewatch deep dive commentary that was started on twitter and is being moved/continued here!

This is the post for EP 04: Otkazats’ya

[Episode 01 post] [Rewatch Commentary Links Masterpost]

((There WILL be spoilers mentioned for the books in the Grishaverse including the Crows duology & King of Scars duology! This is basically from the perspective of watching the show as someone who knows the books well.))

(Just a disclaimer that I’m picking up doing these commentary posts from here after season 2 is out! Just fyi, I might mention s2 stuff in these where it wasn’t mentioned in the posts for eps 1-3)

--

Omg not the captain singing the drinking song Nina sang to Inej in the hold of the ship on the way to Fjerda

I love how they just toss in background book details in new places to color in the world! You can tell everyone working on constructing this show was such a massive fan of the books and it warms my heart

--

As always, I’m just enamored by the linguistics and writing systems the show has designed and fleshed out for all the languages!! They make the world feel so lived-in!

--

Poor Mal. He really feels so powerless and helpless; even to people who are super devoted, sheer faith and longing can’t keep people going forever.

Boy is living on crumbs atm

--

Mean Girls (2004) voice: AND NONE FOR MAL ORETSEV BYE

--

These two are so pure i can’t get over it. 

Thank you for giving Mal close relationships (even if they eat it soon) other than Alina!

--

NOT GENYA CALLING HER SUNSHINE-!!!

😭 😭 😭 

--

YEAH ITS CUS HE WANTS TO FEEL OWNERSHIP OVER YOU ALINA

--

Yep yep giving her crumbs of vulnerability to draw her in. 

Top tier manipulator shit.

--

Jesper’s hair and expression here I’m fucking laughing so hard

He looks like he just woke up from a week-long bender omfg.

 Jesper, honey, I’m begging you, drink some water along with whatever alcoholic beverage is in that glass

--

LOVE LOVE LOVE how they find ways to weave the Crows’ plotlines into the S&B book plot.

Using the Winter Fete party as distraction was probably drawn from them using Hringkälla for the Ice Court job. But I suppose in the show it’s gonna be the other way around now which is funny. They’re probably gonna be like “Well, remember how we snuck into the Little Palace in Ravka because of their big celebration? Let’s do that with this job too!”

Very Beethoven/Bootstrap Paradox meta shit here and it makes me laugh

--

Kaz Brekker has never taken a day off in his entire life and it shows

--

LOOK HOW EXCITED THEY ARE

Even Inej is trying not to burst out grinning

Same you guys

I always get hyped as fuck for a heist!

--

You’ve heard of Chekov’s gun, but we’ve finally found Chekov’s bullet

--

The fucking barmaid’s face 

I can’t

“Who is this strange Zemeni dude and why did he dump a goat in my arms and start speaking softly and mournfully to it in Kerch???”

--

Not him blowing Milo a kiss

I LOVE JESPER FAHEY AND HIS DRAMATIC BISEXUAL ASS

--

LYING THROUGH HIS GD TEETH AGAIN

Spinning his fake little sob stories

Manipulator 👏 Shit 👏

--

I do appreciate this way of trying to make exposition about the Black Heretic story more active

And making the scene serve several purposes at once (Kirigan trying to draw Alina in with his ~relatable outcast~ stuff, as well as giving the viewers the backstory)

--

-

Again, I’m just glad these three got to be on-screen. It gives Mal other people around him that matter. (Which does then help fuel/motivate his devotion to Alina as we go forward.)

That was really also one of the things that bugged me about book!Mal (Although, to be fair, it might be less of a writing issue than a personal one) but it sticks in my craw when characters are single-person focused. (Unless that’s, like, part of their character shit to figure out, them feeling lonely or co-dependent, etc.) 

Like I do understand it’s kind of been “Mal and Alina against the world” since they were young. But they haven’t always been together since they joined the military. Having relationships that span back for a long, long time can be powerful, don’t get me wrong. But length of a relationship isn’t the only measure of its importance.

I think part of it was that we only got Alina’s POV and so Mal in some parts of the series felt very one-note, unmotivated, unbelievable, etc. Because all we got was what he managed to say to Alina when he was actually present and interacting with Alina (which didn’t happen for a large part of books 1 and 3.)

--

The lesbian skepticism on Nadia’s face-!!!

--

I will never, in my life, get over Freddy’s acting as Kaz acting as a stuffy fancy ~artíst~

--

CLEVER CLEVER CLEVER CLEVER

I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM

--

Ok so remember when this was the first sneak-peek scene they released of the Crows and we got to see them in action together for the first time??

It reminded me of my thoughts about Freddy’s voice as Kaz. 

At first I was like “oh, hmm, he’s got kind of a higher, smooth voice as opposed to the way Kaz’s voice is described in the books” which is that rough gravely “rock-salt rasp.”

But as an iteration of Kaz (pluralism is my friend, you guys) Freddy’s voice for him is something I actually super love? 

Like it’s a different sort of menacing. It can feel icy, if that makes sense. Like the higher register lends itself to his voice sounding cold, and the smoothness comes across as that kind of menacing sort of calmness. I dunno I just dig it.

--

I know we talk a lot about Inej’s knives (for good reason) 

But dear saints I love Inej being invisible soundless sneaky. 

I know she’d dislike me saying it, but honestly, she’s goddess material. This woman deserves to be lauded and honored at every opportunity.

--

What’s that meme again? “My idea of help from above is a sniper on the roof?”

Also, him waiting for the clock to chime to disguise the gunshot-!!!

Clawing my face off because I love my clever clever little thieves so much

--

[“Oh, and Inej,” he said as he led her out of the salon, “don’t ever sneak up on me again.”

The truth was she’d tried to sneak up on Kaz plenty of time since then. She’d never managed it. It was as if once Kaz had seen her, he’d understood how to keep seeing her.”]

Ok so we all agree that Kaz 100% did the same thing as with the magician he saw as a kid, right? Where he was obsessed with figuring out how the trick worked and unraveling it so he could learn to see what was actually happening?

Like [“Some people see a magic trick and say, “Impossible!” [...] And then there are the ones who stay awake, running through the trick again and again, looking for that skip in perception, the crack in the illusion that will explain how their eyes got duped; they’re the kind who won’t rest until they’ve mastered that little bit of mystery for themselves. I’m that kind.”]

INEJ WAS A PUZZLE HE THOUGHT ABOUT OVER AND OVER UNTIL HE FIGURED IT OUT

--

Oh, yknow, just reviewing stolen high-security floorplans in a public bar. As one does.

--

Lmao so basically my entire family hunts (northern woodlands, man) and I’m relatively sure my grandma has something that looks pretty much exactly like this

--

every friend group has someone like this in it

(in my experience said friend is usually a transmasc gremlin type)

--

fucking Mal just Very Seriously doing his Very Serious tracking while these two chucklefucks discuss selling literal shit in the background

--

knowing our beloved nina, the amount of sheer willpower she’s dredging up to refuse food is seriously impressive

--

she aint wrong, matty boy

--

ok so this is actually super interesting?? Because it speaks to Matthias having subtle curiosities/doubts about grisha and not fully understanding why someone would become grisha since he believes  (read: was told) they weren’t just born that way.

In the books we never got to see Matthias speak to Nina alone until the shipwreck, there was always either other drüskelle and/or the other grisha captives on the ship (I mean there are other captives tied up here but they aren’t all shoved into a cage together so Nina and Matthias can have their own conversation)

I really like this little peek into Matthias trying to make sense of the indoctrination he was fed

--

yeah exactly, he’s trying to assuage his doubts about how “human” feeling Nina is because it’s gnawing at the indoctrination of dehumanization he’s been taught

--

Also, i love the camera work in this scene -- the lights are all hazy with lots of lens-flares and the shots are so so tight and close!

We’re putting two characters whose circumstances of birth and country and beliefs are so diametrically opposed together. But here they’re having a brief moment of connection where they each have a glimpse of each other’s humanity (in between all the vitriol.)

By cutting in close and having the rest of the “world” feel “out of focus” or “out of shot” it’s allowing this moment to feel like they can be two people for a brief moment rather than grisha and drüskelle. I adore it.

-

Yeah, see and then when they start talking politics about the Darkling, more of the shots have the camera pulling back a bit, because the “world” outside the two of them is shoving distance back between them

(Obv this is not an exact one-to-one this mapping of shots, but the scene in general does that and its really cool)

And then it pushes back in and gets more hazy again when Matthias has a moment of decency and offers Nina the bread without strings attached

mwuah! chef kiss!

--

ofc then it falls apart because these two are the most stubborn (affectionate, exasperated) people on the entire planet who can’t EXIST without taking petty jibes at each other

-

Just taking a moment to appreciate Calahan Skogman because he plays Matthias so incredibly well

I’m hoping so damn hard we get to see the Ice Court job adapted so we can see Matthias get let out of detention so he can go run and play with the other kids at recess

--

These are the faces of two exhausted parents at the end of a frustrating day with their excitable son and I’m living for it

--

LISTEN YOU TWO

AT LEAST JESPER IS COMING UP WITH IDEAS, STOP GLARING

--

Ok but this troupe leader, Marko, actually comes off as such a wholesome guy? I lowkey love his face?? 

Look how tear-stained and puff from crying it is?! This poor guy finally got to perform for royalty and thought his lifelong dreams had just been crushed and was sobbing into a mug of beer!

--

Inej entrusting Kaz with her knives DOES something to me, you guys

There is a fucking novel of unspoken words in these expressions I’m gonna gnaw my couch cushions in to piecessss-!

--

He’s so cute you guys I hope he still has a long and fruitful career even after all the fuckery that goes down at the Winter Fete

--

This whole scene has me gazing in adoration like a doting parent

Me to the person next to me, pointing, with a camcorder in my hand: Those are my kids!!! God, they’re so talented, I’m so proud of them!!

--

The fact that they made up entirely new playing card suits for this world-!!!

Honestly so much of what makes this world come to life in the show is thanks to how much AMAZING work the props and set people did??? 

They obviously loved and cared about the grishaverse so much, you can see in the sets and the costumes and the props how much work was put into making this world come to life and feel like a world that really exists with all its little bits and bobs and details!

That kind of worldbuilding minutia stuff just makes my brain go brrrrrr

--

Also I haven’t mentioned anything about the soundtrack yet but hot damn they’ve done so much to make it atmospheric but also do the A+ soundtrack thing of weaving musical themes for characters/groups

--

Ok tho Kaz 10000% could have gotten in as a performer too. Man’s got mad slight-of-hand skills he could definitely go in as a stage magician

--

It’s time for 🎶✨~Alina’s Emotional Mushroom Trip~ 🎶✨

--

Of course she was! 

I feel like its super obvious that two orphan kids who’ve been through trauma and made a close connection would crave the stability of the life they have with a beloved friend, especially over an unknown where they would be alone and in a new place again having to start over???

I mean, she says she was thinking of Mal and not herself, but it’s both. Because him being alone would mean she would also be alone. 

Alina was a scared little kid who had lost everything and was doing what she thought would keep everything she knew from being ripped away again.

--

I feel like in the books the dynamic of Darklina in the first book, it was obvious/deliberate that Alina felt very isolated at the Little Palace and so was kind of always steered back to the Darkling for scraps of affirmations or reassurances, plus the draw of their powers compounding this manipulation net the Darkling pulled her in by.

The dynamic feels different in the show, for a few reasons. I think Alina being aged up contributes to that. Also, we don’t get Alina’s interiority and descriptions of how her/the Darkling’s powers feel and pull her. 

(Also Jessie and Ben have Very Good on-screen chemistry. And Ben Barnes is, well, Ben Barnes so the attraction-angle of the pull toward him is very believable.) 

I mean, while Alina is aged up, she’s still a young woman. Her whole life she has overwhelmingly felt less than, invisible, and nothing special. And someone powerful is now telling her she’s unique and powerful and he’s the only one who understands her. 

While Alina is still obviously manipulated heavily in the show, it feels less extreme? I don’t know how to word it?

Other contributing factors I think are her actually making closer friends at the Little Palace and that in the show we don’t see that extended period of time of her struggling and struggling and feeling like shit and powerless and “Other”-ed again. Also because we are shown that Mal DOES super care about her, rather than only getting her speculating and worrying. 

-

And not only on Alina’s end is it different but I feel like the show we get shown more of Kirigan feeling helpless (something which is both authentic and strategic.)

Like I think its definitely real that he is struggling with these feelings of helplessness and futility in moving towards his goals. 

But he is very deliberate in the ways he goes about showing it to Alina to make her feel like he’s letting his guard down with her and to garner sympathy with. As Baghra says towards the end of the season, giving Alina “a glimpse of the wounded boy.”

And it’s a huge credit to Ben Barnes that I feel that simultaneous nature. 

Like in the moment, you do believe him in his pain and his loneliness. Because that is real. 

But then you step back and realize he’s only showing it and showing it in such a way to weaponize it to cultivate those feelings of sympathy in Alina and keep her from seeing him as dangerous to her. 

Ben Barnes’s performance really sells the Darkling so well. Because these things are all true: he has seen people die and is lonely and feels like he has to claw his way toward any change he can achieve.

But he is also playing bits of that up in very strategic ways in Alina’s presence to manipulate her.

(I always feel like I’m not gonna have more to say about the Darkling and then I end up writing a novel about it??)

-- 

”B-b-but- 

Wait, was I the only one who believed we were actually giving them a fair trial?!?”

--

My parents’ walks to school, according to them.

--

Listen, I just love them

--

I LOVE THEM PUTTING TIME AND THOUGHT INTO SPRINKLING IN WORLDBUILDING

END ME

-

Listen all I can think about when I watch this scene is how this actor probably spent 9 hours in hair and makeup and wardrobe just to stand there, grab a stack of letters, shake his head, and walk away because he was a non-speaking extra and if he said “No” out loud they would have had to pay him the under-5-lines rate

--

Get that shit outta here, Baghra, we celebrate interdependence in this household!!

Also, the entirety of season 2’s themes would also like a word with you 👀👀

--

Ok not to sound like my northern midwestern mother but

CHILD DO NOT GO OUT IN THE COLD! AND SNOW! AT NIGHT! WITHOUT A FUCKING HAT ON?

You’re gonna get frostbite, Mal!! 

It is AT LEAST below 10°F with how crunchy that snow sounds!!

--

Honestly, good for Alina. proud of her

--

This is funny to me because I know Jessie had a habit of just napping constantly in random places on set

--

Just BFF things: having matching palm scars

--

ARCHIEEEEE

Sometimes I feel for Archie because it can’t be easy playing Mal who, as characters in the grishaverse go, isn’t exactly the biggest fan favorite

And yet he’s out here giving us performances of this caliber

I see you and I love you Mr. Renaux

-

And that’s the end of episode 4!

[Episode 01 post] [Rewatch Commentary Links Masterpost]

[knightmareaceblue]

If you don't mind me asking, will you please share some Henry Stickmin headcanons?

Well, sure, here you go! The basic gist of it is, I tend to think of ItA as the most important branching point for Henry, where he essentially splits into four, and each of the of the resulting 'EtC' and 'CtM' endings simply expand upon these four base Henrys. I'll briefly summarize the differences between them. (NOTE: This is entirely exclusive to ME. I speak for no one else.)

Got kind of long, so here's a cut!

----------

RPE

-Wears Terrence's hat and Reginald's stupid necklace (I hate drawing that thing with a burning passion.)

-This Henry is the one who splits the most in the four separate endings: In Toppat Civil War, he's essentially a cartoon villain, with a knack for arrogance and pettiness. In Toppat 4 Life he's at his coolest, but also isn't really a team player. Toppat King is the ending where he becomes the most effective leader. And Revenged... is Revenged. Single-mindedly focused on avenging his death.

-In T4L and TK, where he's on good terms with Reginald, Reggie acts as a sort of mentor and advisor to him. T4L Henry only occasionally listens, but does begrudgingly come to appreciate being on good terms with him. They have a much friendlier relationship in TK.

-TCW Henry is actually a better strategist than his actions would lead you to believe. One of Ellie's greatest and most committed mistakes is underestimating his team.

-Revenged Henry's memory is copied by the government and used to take down what's left of the Toppat Clan. They are entirely destoryed in that timeline.

-Personally, I don't visit this Henry very often. It's not that I don't find these interesting, I just... have more ideas for the other timelines.

----------

PBT

-Scarred from the aftermath of the Airship crash

-Most chill Henry, generally 'go with the flow' kind of attitude.

-Mostly just likes treasure and shiny things, but will always capitalize on an opportunity.

-You'd think he'd change more between endings, but no. Jewel Baron Henry and Stickmin Space Resort Ending have basically the same attitudes towards life. The biggest changed is in Toppat Recruit/Pardoned Pals Henry, and that's solely because Ellie's there. When she's around, Henry has no problems handing over the reigns and letting her make major decisions (like joining the Toppat Clan).

-SPR Henry is actually on good terms with the governments of the Earth, despite everything he's done. He is not aware of all the weaponry the space station has at it's disposal, and probably doesn't care enough to find out.

-Is honestly the coolest Henry in terms of the things he's accomplishes. I mean, he steals a rocket. A ROCKET!

----------

GSPI

-Has a jacket and badge gifted to him by Charles after the events of 'ItA' (AKA my fanfic 'Imma Just Shoplift It' was an excuse to give Henry that jacket.

-Befriends Charles after 'ItA' and, as a result of his influence, is the 'most good' of the Henrys. Also the kindest Henry.

-Works as a Private Investigator post 'ItA'. Post-Triple Threat, he brings Ellie and Charles into the business. Post Special Brovert Operatives, he and Charles run it as a side-thing in their downtime. Post Valiant Hero, he gets a framed commemorative picture of Charles for the office. Cleaned 'Em Out... nothing really changes.

-He still steals, but only from criminals. This is still discouraged by the government, but ultimately, as long as he's bringing people to justice, nobody looks too hard at what he's doing on his off time. (It's unclear to everyone else how Charles feels about this. There's a betting pool on whether he's oblivious, disapproves, or is the get-away driver. Charles refuses to answer any questions about it.)

-As Triple Threat is my favourite ending, this is likely the Henry I'm drawing or writing about at any given time.

----------

RBH

-Found a cool shoulder pad in the tank and wears it basically all the time.

-The only Henry that legit stops stealing. He's more interested in hunting bad guys, because it gives him the same kinda thrill and he learns that he loves fighting.

-Probably the strongest Henry TBH.

-Becomes a bounty hunter/mercenary post-'ItA'. After 'Capital Gains', he and Ellie become partners, though thanks to the riches they steal from the Clan they can pick and choose their work. The same applies to the 'Little Nest Egg' ending, except Henry works alone. Post-Free Man and Master Bounty Hunter, he becomes a little more hardcore and devoted about it.

-Has a cordial working relationship with the government, and can be friendly with Charles if so desired.

-Pretty cool dude, overall. Makes a lotta enemies, though.

----------

Things that apply to all Henrys

-Crouching moron, hidden badass

-Kleptomania (That he can learn to control, depending on the ending)

-A huge freaking dork who thinks he looks cooler than he actually does.

-No real family or friend connections before 'ItA' (This can change, depending on the ending)

-Secret anxiety (You must be a level seven friend to unlock his tragic backstory)

-Does actually feel guilty about Dave in most endings.

-He/They

-Biromantic Asexual

-Will do things purely to troll people. (Once put chocolate sauce on a pizza to see people's reactions) Thankfully it's usually only Henry that suffers for it.

-People will tell you he can't cook. This isn't necessarily true, and he could probably survive if left alone for a week. But his accident prone nature has made cooking ill-advised.

-Expert Dancer. Lover of all kinds of music.

-Actually good at puzzles.

Eh, maybe I'll add to this later if I come up with anything else. Hope you enjoy!

[og-danny-dorito]

Hi, this is my description for my Eddie Munson matchup!

I’m bisexual and on the Autism spectrum with ADHD. I can get nervous really easily but I’m a fun person when I’m comfortable. Just play Dungeons & Dragons with me and I’ll start breaking out the dirty jokes. I’m pursuing becoming a Television and Cartoon Writer but currently applying to work at local D&D stores in the meantime (very on brand). I’m touch-starved and can often feel kinda distant from others, but that means I value the people in my life more than anything. I’m really protective and would rather have myself suffer than those I love. I love helping people more than anything. I also write a lot, draw and research literally anything that interests me - I’m actually really smart.

I have wild Eddie Munson hair that’s wavy and seems to defy gravity sometimes. I wear glasses, am very slender and am actually pretty androgynous-looking. I love making jokes and puns and am good at comforting people and giving advice. I’ve been called “wise beyond my years”, but I have no self preservation whatsoever. By that I mean that I once got mauled by a dog and my immediate reaction was excitement because the scars looked cool. High wisdom low intelligence stats. I’m hyperactive and most of my speech is infodumping, but I also need to take naps a lot. I'm a weird mix of anxiety and chaos tbh.

Thank you so so much, take care and drink lots of water!

ᴀ/ɴ: of course!! and thank you for being so patient with me, you've been very sweet and i appreciate it! i hope you like them, i kinda went ham on these im sorry 😭

ᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ ᴍᴜɴꜱᴏɴ ᴍᴀᴛᴄʜᴜᴘ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ

ᴛᴡ: explicit sexual content in the 'NSFW' section. minors do not interact.

ᴄᴡ: size kink, breeding,

ꜱꜰᴡ:

stop please i can see yall being so close within like 5 minutes of knowing each other LMAO

LIKE. i dont know yall seem like yall would just click really well?? it's partially because you're both neurodivergent so any common interest thoughts are just ricocheted off of one another to form an hour long conversation but also because he genuinely finds you interesting

he's kind of like,, felt alienated for a large portion of his life and feeling like someone really gets him is something he's never experienced before??

he doesn't really know how to handle it and he can't pinpoint his emotions, so you two just start of as really affectionate friends

im talking REALLY affectionate as in like,, people think you're dating type affectionate

it usually gets a sort of awkward response out of the both of you, usually leading to saying "oh we're not dating haha- NOT THAT I WOULDN'T WANT TO. not. in a weird way. wait-", which leaves him a blushing mess since he can't really from the words to explain it

he really likes you, and it takes him a minute to know that he like,, really likes you. everyone else noticed though

i mean how were they not supposed to?? he literally talks about you all the time, and if he's not talking about you he at least mentions you in passing

"oh yeah, tori said something about that" and "yeah i know a person who's into that cartoon!! he/she/they/etc is super into those art styles" and "i think he/she/they/etc would like that shirt." are just a few of the mentions of you throughout the day, and he doesn't even consciously notice that you're on his mind most of the time

HE MET YOU THROUGH DND i don't think i mentioned that before, but you were filling out for a friend who couldn't make it and as soon as yall got to talking it was downhill from there LMAO

he probably first noticed that you went "haha rock hard" while he was trying to describe a super important and possibly boobie trapped stone wall, unable to control the little snort that he let out despite his efforts to keep serious

but yeah yall got to talking and you just clicked and started hanging out more!!

OH he also does that thing where like,, a lot of your interests start rubbing off on him

like yall already share a lot of common interests and shit but some of the more specific things like books you've talked about and little things that you infodump about give him the Brain Worms and he starts to develop an interest for it too

its a good thing though!! one of his favorite past times is to sit on the couch tangled up in each other and either talk about your special interests or watch whatever show or movie one of you are interested in and point out cool trivia things about it :]

yall spend a lot of time together, barely being seen without each other by your side. eddie finds it easier to operate when there's someone he trusts and relates to who has his back, and having you around starts to feel kind of out of place once yall spend long enough together

he probably asks you out during a hangout session in his "spot" (its a clearing in the woods kind of next to his house where he's like, set up a place to sit and smoke), nervously suggesting that you know, hypothetically, if you two dated, like he wouldn't mind or anything-

you get the idea and agree without a second thought, surprised by your smoothness considering you could literally feel your stomach flipping all over the damn place for the rest of your hangout session

its alright though!! he kinda panics and calls over chrissy to help him cause he's paranoid about fucking up but she assures him it'll be fine and helps him set stuff up

when he calls, he doesn't give much detail besides "come to my house" and hangs up, but you still get dressed and all that and show up

you're greeting with a damn near euphoric scent as you step through the door, the house all cleaned up and the scent of your favorite candles wafting through the area in a muted but noticeably pleasant way

the living room has some stuff moved around so it can all centric around a table in the middle, which has two containers for takeout and candles set up in the middle to face the tv

he kind of panicked and didn't know what to do, so he settled for a nice home date!! it isn't that much unlike your usual hangouts, but it ends up devolving into uh,,, a little more than that. to put it simply

ɴꜱꜰᴡ:

after the two of you are done eating and watching tv, similarly tangled up in each other's arms, you can feel him shifting in place a little bit

despite the fact that you're on the verge of drifting off to sleep you turn to face him, surprised to see that vaguely familiar pink tint on his cheeks and ears

"Something wrong?", you ask, voice soft so as not to disturb the peace created between you. He jumps a little at it, blush darkening a small bit.

It looks like he's struggling to talk, jaw clenching as if he's embarrassed to admit what's on his mind. "It's just uh- you're pressing up against", he starts. And you watch as he clears his throat as he gestures down to your leg firmly pressed against his lap, and only then do you feel a blush of your own crawling up your neck, the heat seeming to travel all across your skin and down south.

You hesitate to move at first, still shocked with the fact that you had that sort of effect on him- and was it getting hot in here?

There's a muted "im sorry" as you slide your leg off of him, his jaw clenching in a way that chokes down a noise you surprisingly didn't fail to catch

its one of the few times that he's not entirely grateful for your observational skills, his eyes going downcast as he murmurs out an apology for being gross, something along the lines of "uh- sorry that was... weird" spoken just under his breath

you're quiet as you watch him, your own anxiety and muted arousal making you flit your eyes over to him for a split second

the next words that come out of your mouth almost don't sound like your own, your own voiced thoughts catching you off guard

"I don't mind."

such a simple phrase, but it's enough to make the both of you freeze in spot for a fraction of a second

it seems to happen before you even process it, his mouth on yours and the entanglement of limbs unravelling only to wrap up in one another in a chaotic mess of teeth against flesh and eager hands working to undo one another's clothes

that need, that pent up yearning, all of your want bursting forth to create a messy albeit much needed rough fuck after a long time of keeping your desires to yourselves

eddie is a lot softer than one would expect considering his reputation, but the size difference between you is still something he makes a point to emphasize

his hands press down gently but firmly on your wrists so he can explore the soft expanse of your chest, your body on full display for him as he lets out an appreciative sigh

he makes it an effort to put your needs before his own by properly prepping you, bringing you just on edge more than once before letting up and giving you what you want

i headcanon that he’s very attentive as a partner too, and doesn’t skimp out when it comes to your requests. if anything, he views it as a challenge

but the fact that you like to service him as well is something he’s 100% for!! he doesn’t really know what to do considering he’s been on the giving end of the service so many times before but he appreciates gentle guidance on what to do with himself it also kind of turns him on. anyway.

HE DOWS HAVE A SIZE KINK THOUGH. he seems pretty vanilla but he has the biggest size kink known 2 man and i stand by that

also likes name calling like "gorgeous" and "pretty baby" when he's praising you

does a LOT of praising. like a lot. he cant seriously degrade past light teasing but by god will he tell you how beautiful you are when you take him in so smoothly

is a little stronger than you too, so he moves you around a lot. he warns you beforehand but e very once and a while you remember that he could quite literally throw you if he wanted to

BUT ANYWAY overall he's v sweet and v adventurous but down to his roots he's more along the 'soft and sweet' side even though he's a big fan of quickies :P

[ ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛɪɴɢ! ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀɴ ʜᴄ ʟɪꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ, ꜰᴇᴇʟ ꜰʀᴇᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱʜᴏᴏᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴ ᴀꜱᴋ! ]

[idek20000]

I used a promt generator to find some random KanKiba thingys and I'm gonna share some that I like :)

1. They meet when Kankuro sees Kiba walk into a street sign

2. Kankuro being a batista at a coffee shop and always screwing up Kiba's name on purpose

(He'd write it as Kyba or somethin else stupid 😭)

3. Kiba and Kankuro were separated for several years for reasons they couldn't help. They finally find each other and have a heartfelt reunion

(This one makes perfect sense ^)

4. Kankuro taking Kiba out for Valentine's Day to cheer them up after their original plans with someone else fell through. As Kankuro tries their best to make Kiba happy and succeeds after only a few attempts, Kiba realizes they would have rather been with Kankuro anyways

(Ok, that was too cute-)

5. Kankuro and Kiba's child coming to sleep with them after having a bad dream

(YEESSSSSSS ^)

6. Kiba is a prince or princess, falling for Kankuro, the castle gardener who tends to the foliage surrounding Kiba's balcony

(🥺 I feel the need to write this-)

7. Kankuro letting Kiba warm their cold hands under their shirt

(I can picture this ^)

Kiba: [touches Kankuro's stomach on purpose to make him cold]

Kankuro: yOU MOTHERFU-

8. Kiba is playing a video game/reading a book/watching a show and is talking about how they ship two of the characters together because of [insert cute reason here], and then Kankuro says 'that sounds like you and me right there'

9. Kankuro and Kiba remembering their first kiss… and they have very different takes on it

(Would probably go down like this)

Kiba: It was nice

Kankuro: It sucked, your kissing game was WEAK

Kiba: IT WAS MY FIRST KISS

Kankuro: Yeah, I could tell

10. Kiba and Kankuro sharing a soft smile across a crowded room

(A w)

11. Kankuro being careful (or not at all careful) taking off Kiba's shirt because Kiba is extremely ticklish

(He would not be careful at A L L)

12. Kiba not letting Kankuro out of bed by cuddling them

(Kankuro's so much bigger than him that I could just see him pickin up Kiba and throwin him-)

13. Kiba hurt their ankle and is laid up with a cast and crutches. Kankuro is sitting next to them, doodling little hearts on their cast to cheer them up

(This is just 👌)

14. Kiba lends their sweater to Kankuro. When Kankuro is home, they realize they still have Kiba's sweater and find Kiba's iPod. Out of curiosity, Kankuro looks through Kiba's music and finds a playlist titled with Kankuro's name

(Someone please just try to tell me 'Chug Jug With You' wouldn't be in that Playlist cuz we all know it would-)

15. Them exploring each others' bodies, but not in a sexual way. Finding their different birthmarks, looking over each others' scars and sharing the stories behind them, running their hands over one another and just appreciating the feeling of the other person next to them

16. Kankuro booping Kiba's nose with their finger

(I feel like he'd do this all the TIME-)

17. Kankuro having to comfort Kiba because Kiba just encountered a very large, unpleasant bug outside that scared them

(Probably one of Shino's lol)

18. Kiba and Kankuro play Twister. Things get embarrassing and awkward fast

Kiba: Why's your hand on my ass?

Kankuro: Well it's not my fault that your ASS is on YELLOW

19. Kiba absolutely loves the taste of the chap stick/lip balm Kankuro uses, so they keep stealing kisses from Kankuro

20. Kankuro getting to go back in time and change something bad that happened in their past with Kiba

(Ngl, that shit hurted)

21. Kankuro and Kiba go to a fair/amusement park and Kankuro wants to go on the roller coaster and Kiba agrees. Later, Kiba regrets their decision and ends up clinging onto Kankuro for dear life

(Kiba would already KNOW that he's scared to death but wanted to look cool in front of everyone)

22. Kiba pressing their forehead against Kankuro's forehead to check if they have a fever

23. Kiba and Kankuro each other. Kankuro makes a spectacular drawing and Kiba's drawing does turn out to be that good. However, Kankuro keeps Kiba's drawing and treasures it

(This could also lowkey work as a father-son moment between Sai and Inojin)

24. Kiba likes stealing Kankuro 's phone to change Kankuro 's phone wallpaper into something stupid (like unattractive pictures of Kankuro 's face or doing something like picking their nose). Kiba is doing another routine swipe of Kankuro 's phone, but doesn't have the heart to change it because this time because Kankuro 's phone wallpaper is a cute picture of the two of them (like their first date together, or the only picture they have together)

(This is just precious)

25. Kankuro wants to use their laptop on the couch, but Kiba always occupies the space in their lap

26. Kankuro : guess what

Kiba: what

Kankuro : i love you

Kiba: O:

(This is too accurate)

27. Kankuro and Kiba sleeping on top of each other (in the bed, couch, where ever you prefer) when Kiba flops down on the floor

28. Kiba and Kankuro as a superhero/sidekick duo, but Kiba is constantly messing up and getting in Kankuro's way during their crime-fighting missions

(He really would)

28. Kiba calming Kankuro down when they have a bad dream

(Probably would be about his parents)

29. Kankuro and Kiba trying to hide their relationship. However, it turns out everyone knows they're dating

(Shikamaru and Temari would definitely be the first ones to find out)

30. Kankuro is about to leave for work. Kiba asks them if they've forgotten anything, and Kankuro gives them a kiss. Kiba turns red and opens their hand to reveal Kankuro's keys/wallet/etc., saying 'I meant this, but thanks.'

Ok that's it. I'll probably write an incorrect quote next so see you then!

[rambles-on-arcana]

HEADCANON GAME - A TO Z (NSFW)

Featuring non-apprentice OCs ;; Daravin & Zenta, a traveling swordsman and mage that have been working out of Vesuvia.

We were doing this list in Sol’s server, so I now have all these answers. Just compiling them into a singular post.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Daravin will pick up his partner (assuming they're smaller then he is) and carry them to the bath.  They're taking a hot bath together. ((Unless they're on the road, then they're taking a cold river bath alsdkjfasdf)) He needs to be clean to sleep. He appreciates cuddling afterwards because he’s tired and it can be nice, but he's not going to be adamant about it.

Zenta is basically clinical about clean up and caring for them and, if she got involved, herself as well. She is surprisingly snuggly afterwards, though, and will request the other person to stay.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Daravin likes his shoulders a lot. He has no illusion how nice they are, not just in breadth but in the muscles from years of swinging the big ass sword. In partners, he likes hands, stomach, and hips. Especially the hips for grabbing.

Zenta could care less about herself, body is a body. But if she's got a partner with a thing about certain body parts/shapes, she might alter her form for them for a time. On others, she likes their skin. She loves smooth skin and blemished skin and freckles and scars and stretch marks and---- she could go on for hours with praise and attention. 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Daravin likes creampie giving. If he's receiving, he'd rather outside for easier cleaning up. He likes making his partner come multiple times before he bothers with himself getting there.

Zenta is intrigued (everyone smells and tastes different) but she couldn't really care which way it goes in the end. Her goal will be to wring as many orgasms out of who she's with as they can humanly take. It is not beyond her for them to have to safe word tap out or black out before she'll give them a break.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Daravin doesn't really do secrets but he is curious about being with someone bigger then he is. Cause he's usually the tallest one in the room. But he's never going to admit that.

Zenta doesn't do secrets in this manner because she's down to try anything to see the outcome.  

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Daravin is like... moderately experienced? He's canoodled more people than both hands together but also he's not like... poking everyone. He has had some flings while on the road but he prefers at least trying to build something at least semi-long term if they’re going to be somewhere for awhile. (No, he's not been stupid enough to try anything with Zenta.)

Zenta has had.... lots.... of time to experience all kinds of stuff.  But she likes learning and playing more. She might come off as inexperienced at first just to kind of... lull them into a false sense of security as she learns their preferences and likes and feels them out. And when she’s learned more about them and learned their boundaries and preferences? Then the gloves are off.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Daravin likes mating press and standing and holding them just with his sheer strength. Also partial to pinning them against the wall in basically any way.

Zenta doesn't give a shit;; she's down for whatever drives her partner up a wall.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Daravin is serious but he is easy to draw into a gentle laugh. Like he has a serious face but he can be lighthearted. This is intimate but it's not that serious. You're bumping uglies, you can't be too serious about it. 

 Zenta is not quite a goof in the normal sense but this is definitely a game for her.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Daravin is neatly trimmed, it's one of the things he's very strict about.  Yes carpet matches the drapes, albeit a little darker in color.

Zenta didn't think to have hair so she's hairless down there a;lkskdjfasdf

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Daravin is secretly a romantic but that doesn't always fit into their lifestyle a;sldkjf He wants to be very gentle and intimate but also? He would like to just get lost in things sometimes and emotions are not involved beyond that horny braincell.

Zenta doesn't understand intimacy as;dkljfasdf if someone read too far into what she's doing and is getting lovey and intimate she may just bluescreen for a moment trying to process what weird ritual they're instigating. ((She was just playing what are you doing stop that.))

  J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Daravin would far rather find a partner for that, he's not really into touching himself so there's not really ever going to be a chance to have someone walk in on him for that.  Depending on who he walks in on, he may lean against the door frame and ask if they want some help.

Zenta doesn't feel urges so she doesn't touch herself.  Would absolutely ask someone if they want help with that if she walks in on them. Like matter of fact, not trying to be smooth like Daravin was.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

They’re both partial to size differences.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Daravin likes having the privacy of a room but also  there's just something about pulling someone into an alcove or alleyway, something kind of public but not really, and pushing them up against a wall for round one. To make the walk back to the room more interesting.

Zenta does not care, it's all basically the same to her tbh this is 100% based on the partner's desire.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Daravin they have to be blatant about "Hey, wanna fucc?" or he'll just write off what's happening. If they’ve been together a lil while?  Show off the tummy/hip area. Make a show of bending down to pick stuff up. etc. Especially if they're doing it in public where he can't just pin them against something and has to wait until the opportune time to carry them off discreetly or they get home and then it's on.

Zenta is another one they have to be direct with about it.  Unless they’re getting horny first and she smells it on them. Then she's gonna fuck with them and tease them until they beg or are direct.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Daravin doesn't want to hurt them.

Zenta doesn't want to leave permanent damage.

Neither one are into like... blood, scat, urine, etc. Basically food is the only thing allowed to be making a mess. 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Daravin has rarely been on the receiving end but he's happy to be giving.  Long nimble fingers and a very skilled tongue. He's very good at what he does and it will be one of the ways to wring those multiple orgasms out of them. If they can take his size to the base in their mouth he's gonna fuckin melt he doesn't realize how good it's going to be.

Illia doesn't much care for receiving unless it's how she's riling up her partner. She does like giving, though, because she's controlling what they're feeling.   She's good at it and will use magic to augment what she's doing.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Daravin likes both.  Something quick and rough to start but he is more into endurance and taking things slow and dragging it out.

Zenta doesn't much like quickies, she wants the time to really tear their ass up.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Daravin only likes quickies as the appetizer. That is not about to be the whole show, abso-fucking-lutely not.

Zenta doesn't even want them as an appetizer. They’re putting time aside for her or they're not getting a damn thing.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Daravin isn't much into big risks. He's okay to experiment if his partner wants that, but he's only okay with like. Small risks. Like public stuff. He doesn't want either of you getting hurt.

Zenta is game for basically anything.  Her partner has to be the one with sense to not get them in trouble.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Daravin has a lot of stamina.  He's in his thirties and has decades of training with a sword, honing his physique, and traveling long distances. He only wants one or two rounds from himself but he's going to make them last and his partner is going to be cumming as many times as he can push them to.

Zenta is a monster in the light of this question a;skdjfasdgjf she can go forever.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Daravin doesn't own any and wouldn't bother to keep any because of traveling so much.  But if his partner has one or wants to use one during (either him using it on them or them using it on him) he'll be down for it.

Zenta doesn't own them, doesn't need them.  Her partner is going to be plenty occupied. magic seggs

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Daravin is not much in teasing his partner outside of just a little messing with them in public to get them started so they're in the mood.

Zenta is a huge tease because she loves to fuck with people. It doesn't help her voice can start to drive them mad if she talks too much so she's going to tease them in basically every other way available.  All of them. Constantly. It can be for pushing their buttons until they try to toss her down or while they're doing the do and she's delaying their orgasms.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Daravin is very quiet. He's not super vocal besides some low grunts and growls and the occasional praise.

Zenta is quiet.  It's kind of unnerving if her partner has the mental space to realize it. But she's very focused on making them make lots of noise so they're usually not.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Daravin nothing really comes to mind because he's a pretty straightforward kinda guy.  

Zenta keeps what looks like a necklace in one of her bags.  She may or may not add a jewel for each partner. Good luck seeing it though.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

I skipped this one.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Daravin has I guess a moderate one? He'll match his partner but if there's a long time in between he's just eh about it.

Zenta is content with 1-3 times a week (unless there's multiple people, just one person wouldn't survive more than that a;skddjfasdf) but she won't really ache for it or go out of her way too hard for it.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Daravin gets into a kind of peaceful calm. He's not sleepy but he's not wired. He's very zen and winding down calm. He'll make sure they're both clean, hydrated, and snuggled up together and then he'll snap out basically immediately because he finally fully relaxed.

Zenta is like bouncing off the walls energetic afterwards because she got all hyped up and had fun. She'll make sure everything's cleaned up and good to go before she snuggles down but the act of snuggling down is like a switch and she fucking dies for the night. Like getting a sugar rush and then a hard crash.

[life-0r-death]

@yugirl made a ship meme for connectionshipping and I wanted to make one for galileanshipping.

Galileanshipping is a GX/5Ds polyship created by @kitsunephantom09 and myself, involving Jaden/Judai Yuki x Bastion/Daichi Misawa x Yusei Fudo x Jack Atlas. “Galilean” comes from the Galilean moons of Jupiter for which there are four major ones: Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto.

Io is a moon covered in active volcanoes. Much like Jack’s Burning Soul. Europa is a moon covered in ice, much like Yusei’s Stardust Dragon and his calming yet cool demeanor. Ganymede, though another icy moon, is the largest and has the greatest magnetic pull. Much like Jaden, it draws attention and has a surface that retains both cold and hot. Callisto is the second largest moon, and yet does not retain the magnetic pull from Jupiter. It is outside the connection and therefore is not affected by tidal heating. It, too, is the most heavily cratered moon. Much like Bastion, it is alone and apart, scarred from years of abandonment, yet it is the most helpful, considered to be the best habitable moon for human life.

With the Galilean moons, the ship was created, giving a tie to the movement of space and time.

But now, onto the ship meme part!

Who made the first move;

Technically it was an equal part from Jaden and Yusei. Jaden and Bastion were already in a relationship just as Yusei and Jack were. Yusei and Jaden met in BBT, and never forgot one another. Soon, they wanted to involve their current lovers, so Jaden and Yusei brought them all together and spoke honestly, telling the two they wanted to form a poly relationship.

Who said ‘I love you’ first;

Between Bastion and Jaden, Jaden said it first. Since returning from the Spirit World, he’s had a greater appreciation for people and those who stuck by his side, as well as those who suffer from their own darknesses. He learned to see Bastion and to learn from him, eventually forming into a deep love that couldn’t be contained.



Between Yusei and Jack, Jack said it first in an annoyed rage. They ended up together soon after that.

Between Yusei and Jaden, Yusei said it first. After bending time to see each other once more, Yusei found himself just unable to let Jaden go. He told him in full earnest emotions that he loved him and wanted him to stay in his era.



Between Yusei and Bastion, Yusei said it first. Yusei fell deeply in love with Bastion’s calculating thoughts, his need to write formulas, and his beauty and intelligence. It sort of just came out of his mouth, watching Bastion write his thoughts down upon the wall. And he just opened his mouth to compliment his ideas, but a ‘I love you’ came instead. Bastion didn’t talk to Yusei for a week, too flustered to even look him in the eye properly.



Between Bastion and Jack, it was Bastion. Their relationship starts off rocky, not as committed as the others are. But after some time, Bastion and Jack find they have a mutual affection for each other. Jack doesn’t know how to label it. Bastion does, and after a heated fight, Bastion states that he doesn’t want bad blood between them because he loves Jack. And from there on out, their relationship got better.

Between Jaden and Jack, they don't remember who said it first. They just seem to have said they loved each other always.

How often do they fight;

They have petty fights, small things that irk them that cause annoyance and talks. Yusei and Bastion are ones who want to talk everything out while Jaden and Jack are much more inclined to physical relief. Their petty fights don’t amount to much, but their big ones are disastrous. Often, its between Bastion and Jack the most as they have opposite opinions on several matters that are important to them. Yusei and Jaden often run interference. Yusei rarely fights with anyone, and it is typically resolved quickly. Jaden rarely fights, and if he does, he usually settles it with a duel or a fist fight.

Who’s the big spoon/little spoon;

There are two constants and there are two that change depending on the sleeping cycle or habits. Yusei is always the big spoon. He enjoys holding his partners and making them feel safe. Bastion is always the little spoon. He never asks for it, but his shoulders often slump in a way that indicates he needs affection, and his partners are more than willing to provide.

Jaden and Jack are flexible. They cuddle as the dynamics need or what they want. But, in a percentage, Jaden is big spoon 75% of the time and little spoon 25%. Jack is big spoon 45% of the time and little spoon 55%.

What are their nicknames for each other;

Yusei: (to Bastion) Bas; (to Jaden) Jay; (to Jack) my King

Jaden: (to Yusei) babe, daddy, Yu; (to Bastion) Bas, Basy, babe, pretty boy; (to Jack): Jackie, babe, baby, my King[after hearing from Yusei]

Bastion: he doesn’t really do nicknames, mainly calling everyone but their full name, but he does at times call Jaden ‘Jay’ when he’s flustered or aroused.

Jack: doesn’t really call anyone nicknames other than shortening Bastion to Bas and Jaden to Jay.

Who’s the better cook;

Bastion and Jack. Jack is the best cook of them all, having taken time to learn while under Godwin’s custody as it was often a stress reliever. Bastion is a bit of a health nut, so he cooks and enjoy it to make healthy snacks while Jack is all about baking treats and cakes.

Their song;

Take This City by Everfound

Who remembers their anniversaries;

Bastion the most. He’s very aware of holidays and birthdays as well as anniversaries as he wants his partners to feel loved and adored. Yusei is a close second as he often makes sure their anniversaries are directed toward Bastion the most. Jack and Jaden don’t really care and often forget. To them its just another day. Yusei understands that to Bastion, it’s an event of their love, lasting longer and longer, and he is the one who needs the reminder the most. So Yusei is always sure that Bastion knows they all know (even if he’s the one reminding Jack and Jaden).

Their favorite thing to do together (besides sex);

Jack and Jaden love dueling one another. Either in standing duels or riding duels, they get the greatest enjoyment in challenging one another and beating the ever-living crap out of one another.

Yusei and Bastion adore working on projects together. That could be deck building or bike updating or even house updates or plans. They plan it out and they figure out all the nuances of their projects and they absolutely lose themselves in each other.

Jaden and Bastion love to cuddle. Jaden always starts it, Bastion just letting him hold him or pull him into his lap or Jaden lying on his. They can be in bed sleeping or they can be relaxing on the couch reading/watching tv, but their favorite thing is to physically be near one another.

Jaden and Yusei are often training, Yusei learning to harness his Clear Mind and Jaden controlling his Darkness powers. The two powers work pretty well to repel each other as well as work together. Jaden loves using his powers and Yusei loves pushing their limits as well as experimenting (sometimes Jack joins using Burning Soul while Bastion helps keep track of their scores/health/stats/etc. but more often than not, its mainly just Yusei and Jaden's thing)

Jack and Bastion are also cuddlers, but often they have emotional chats. Bastion and Jack just lie beside one another in the semi darkness of Jack’s room, talking in quiet tones about all sorts of emotional stuff. Babies, families, traumas, sex, fights, parents, growing up, etc. All sorts of things where they are crying or smiling or laughing.

Who ‘wears the pants’ in the relationship;

Yusei always wears the pants.

Jaden always wears the pants for Bas and Jack, and will sometimes wear the pants for Yusei but mostly doesn’t for him.

Jack wears the pants for Bas, but does not for Yusei and Jaden.

Bastion never wears the pants.

How they would get engaged;

Everyone but Bas aren’t really into marriage. They see no need for it. Bastion follows in their thoughts and never proposes, but he does dream of the idea of getting married. They do, however, eventually get married but more for financial and medical reasons than for romantic ones. Yusei and Bastion marry as Yusei understand Bastions dream for it better, and they take it much more seriously. So Yusei proposes to Bastion in a small but simple way, walking around town and then getting on one knee with a ring in hand. Bastion, of course, flushes red and cries, mumbling a yes before Yusei is standing, slipping the ring on, and kissing the daylights out of Bastion. When they do finally marry, Bastion takes on Yusei’s name in a hyphenation so he becomes Bastion Misawa-Fudo.

Jaden and Jack marry for the financial/medical reasons. They don't particularly do a proposal, they just say 'we should do it for xyz.' They do not take on each other’s name, and they don’t make a big deal of it.

What would their wedding be like;

Though they don’t care for marriage, each married couple does have a wedding.

Bastion and Yusei have a calm wedding with family and close friends where the only media allowed is Carly. The media is allowed since Yusei is a figure for the people, but mostly it is just the enjoyment of each other. Yusei wears a black tuxedo. Bastion wears a white tuxedo (though I have thought of Bastion wearing a white wedding gown). Their rings would be simple, just silver bands. But on the inside would be all of their names etched.

Jack and Jaden have a much bigger wedding with all the press and all the bells and whistles. Jack makes it a big extravaganza, wearing his best tuxedo with the finest threads. Jaden would wear a red tuxedo. There would be talk that Jaden is similar to the famous ‘Jaden Yuki’ that disappeared years ago, but often it is thought he is just named after the same man. They don’t correct that thinking. They too have simple silver bands, much to the presses’ disappointment, but inside is also all of their names.

How many kids would they have;

This has been plotted between Kit and I for a long while, as well as a recent addition from Yugirl.

Jack Atlas (mommy) + Jaden Yuki (papa) = Shiloh Yuki (female)

Jack Atlas (mommy) + Yusei Fudo (daddy) = Lily Fudo (female)

Jaden Yuki (papa) + Bastion Misawa-Fudo (mama) = Yubel “Yubie” Yuki (male)

(From yugirl: Jaden + Bas = Rosalie [female])

Bastion Misawa-Fudo (mama) + Yusei Fudo (daddy) = Zebadiah “Zeb” Misawa-Fudo (male)

Jack Atlas (mommy *but not one who gave birth) + Bastion Misawa-Fudo (mama) = Soul Misawa-Fudo-Atlas (born female; later non-binary)

Jaden Yuki (papa *but one who gives birth) + Yusei Fudo (daddy) = Orion (male) [note: this is more of a concept and this child doesn't appear unless certain circumstances are met)

[sobdasha]

"I definitely updated my list of books I was reading on tumblr so it's all good" -me, a lying liar, right before spending several months finishing my reread of All The Discworld Books I Own But In Chronological Order For The First Time Ever Which In Fact Makes A Difference.

(and then I did it again after the libraries closed)

The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula K. Le Guin Hm, so. I definitely read this. At some point. It was not really for me, not bad, but not really for me. This particular edition had various notes before and after the text, all of which I read, which made it an experience I got more out of. It's important for me to know that the author is aware that the protagonist is a raging misogynist who's stupid, and yes this was on purpose so you'd realize how really incredibly stupid he is and thus maybe be tricked into changing your mind yourself. It is a legit tactic, but one I tend not to enjoy, so if I hadn't been forewarned I'd have been UUUUGGGGGHHHH MAKE HIM SHUT UP ALREADY and probably rage-quit. As it was, I was able to better appreciate what Le Guin was doing here, even if this book didn't win a place in my heart and I probably won't reread. I definitely preferred Ancillary Justice's take, with the feminine pronouns. For my brain, masculine pronouns = they might as well all be men = business as usual = I didn't really get any gender queering from it. I can't really remember much else now. Oh, it was also part "survival in the wilderness" story, which they're big on making you read in school (which I find very suspicious), and which I tolerated and read a few classic ones on my own until they kept assigning these kinds of stories for us to read and now I get nothing from them and mindlessly hate them. Anyway, as I said, not bad at all but not really for me.

Lavinia, Ursula K. Le Guin This one's a reread--I picked it up from the library during college because we were doing Titus Andronicus in class and it didn't occur to me that there might be more than one Lavinia???? But hey it worked out because later in college we did the Aeneid and then I had Background for rereading Lavinia. This is the book that is lyrical and beautiful and pulls me in and makes me care deeply about the world and the characters. This is the book of Le Guin's that makes me feel the way everyone else feels about Earthsea and The Left Hand of Darkness and etc. I would like to find more of Le Guin's work that makes me feel the same way, because as I've said you can really tell from her other stuff that she's a solid writer who knows her stuff. I just…don't enjoy any of the other things. Anyway I recommend. I always forget about this book, and then when I reread I'm like "wow why don't I read this more often?????"

How Long 'Til Black Future Month?, N. K. Jemisin I liked every story in this short story collection. I should just reread it and try writing this up again tbh but also tbh I'll probably do the rereading and then just not write anything up again. Just read Jemisin's stuff I love her writing so much okay. ETA: that’s exactly what I did, I reread this during my covid rereads and said “I should do a proper write-up this time” and lo and behold where is it

Tehanu, Ursula K. Le Guin Okay, this last Earthsea book treated me much better than the others. It's probably not for everyone else, which might be why it's for me. It's much more domestic, much less "plot" happening, full of introspection, and centered on women rather than men. This novel acknowledges and confronts the rampant internalized misogyny in the previous three books, engages it in a way that the misandrist in me finds satisfying even though it never comes to a good solution for the problem. This book is more like a reflection. Earthsea has never been about "light is always good, dark is always bad; be a hero, fight evil" etc. But this one I think shifts the tone a little farther; it's less about balance, and more...I guess I'd put it as, "actions have consequences." It's not concerned with right or wrong, it's concerned with people getting hurt. It's pretty somber and serious, without any humor to balance it out, tons of bad things happen to people, lots of PTSD...but this time I really cared about the characters, and I feel like it was all handled really well? In addition to critiquing internalized misogyny, it also critiqued victim blaming. Seemed like it handled disability pretty well too--was honest about how people are jerks about it in reality, while still being optimistic and treating Therru as valuable; made occasional mentions of considering work-arounds for having only one fully-functional hand, while mostly just having Therru go about living and doing chores and being capable and assuming she did find those work-arounds without having to draw attention to it; and Therru's terrible scars didn't get magically healed at the end, the whole book makes a point all the way through that her physical scars will always be with her the same way her emotional scars will be, and she's simply learned how to go on living with them. Tehanu: a book full of trauma happening to people, where what would normally be the plot in a fantasy novel ended up not even getting started to be resolved, but Le Guin's writing and handling of the subject matter helped heal my jaded soul.

Ninefox Gambit, Yoon Ha Lee A quick summary of my experience: Chapter 1 - ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh what is going on what even Chapter 2 - no, no this is just, this is what sci fi is like, right? Just give it a few chapters and then by the end of the book everything will probably make sense. I'm sure that's how it works. Remember how even in Ancillary Justice I ended up with two separate Battles of Valskay, but now everything is fine??? It's. Fine. Chapter 4 - (ohhhhhhh I still don't know what's going on) Several Chapters Later - still no clue what's going on, but hit my stride with the terminology, my foreign language instinct kicked in where words stopped sounding weird and while I could not for the life of me define any terms for you, I had a vague comprehension of how the words operated In Context. Sort of. And by then I had, without realizing it, begun page-turning and binging, so I guess I liked the book lol! Another serious-but-not-funny one, but with an extra dose of War Memoir and all the gruesomeness that entails (but probably, like any good War Memoir, probably not actually gratuitous and actually in fact the necessary amount of gruesome). Jedao was turned into a woobie at the last minute and, well, damn, guy knows the way to my heart. The novel apparently gripped me enough that I don't even mind that it only came into play at the very end of the game. And hey, there's two more novels to deal with that revelation, which I have picked up from the library to read immediately! Yay! Current personal theory: based on the heavy math references that made me want to cry at the start, but the almost entire absence of actual numbers, and a reference to "there's no way actual physics works like that, it was obviously a calendrical effect" or something…I'm going to throw out a wild guess that the calendar stuff (and all the social structuring that goes with it) is so that they can break and reinvent math. So they can effect a universe where 2+2=5 and therefore a bunch of people standing in this exact position makes a force field or bullets of rose thorns or whatever and some other dude can make himself immortal. This sounded like a pretty terrible theory already and it sounds even worse now I've typed it up but oh well.

Raven Stratagems, Yoon Ha Lee Guess who didn't write this up back when she read it!!! Also, I returned Ninefox Gambit to the library right before the libraries shut down for covid. So, I had Raven and Revenant on hand for months but I didn't have Ninefox on hand to do an immediate reread to see if that made the sci fi make more sense. (It probably wouldn't have, but I would have liked to do a rereading while the ending was still fresh.) By this time there is a lesser degree of visceral viscera. Lee is brutal, however, about continuing to be honest about what war costs and whether war is worth that cost (which depends, really, on whose lives you think matter. Very relevant for these times. Very much prepared me to shut up and not whine about the inconveniences of protests and their fallout. There is no pretty and clean way to have a revolution, since it involves destroying a particular [terrible] way of life, so we're all just gonna have to sacrifice together). Also I think by this point all the character development from the first novel paid off in the form of character dynamics being hilarious now despite, y’know, the gruesome shadow of war.

Revenant Gun, Yoon Ha Lee Continues to discuss the honest price of war and the messiness of fallout. Shuos "The risks I took were calculated, but boy am I bad at math" Jedao. Oh I think this is also the one where every so often one of the characters thinks, "Okay so this person is a tyrannical murderous dictator but he is ensuring that there will never again be food shortages and no one in the space empire ever goes hungry." And then Lee turns around and is like, "Haha but don't forget this same person invented a form of vital infrastructural technology (and also immortality) that is optionally based off ritual human torture sacrifice. Like he didn't have to do that to make it work. He just decided to anyway. And that's always bad :) " (Also useful in our current climate of "Okay but we should consider the other person's circumstances and point of view" and also "Yeah but that doesn't apply if they're literally Nazis tho.")

Hexarchate Stories, Yoon Ha Lee A collection of short stories set in the universe of those three books. There's one story at the end that does satisfy the "But I wanted another sequel!!!" urge. And there's a bit of backstory for Jedao and Cheris. But by and large what you should be in the mood to read is flash fiction snippets that simply happen to be set in the same universe but have no bearing on the plot. Which is pretty cool and interesting if you are in the proper mindset! Even better, Lee includes author's notes at the end of each story to talk about the story, or the influences, or the context of his life at the time, etc etc. That is always my absolute favorite part of a short story collection. Also these notes told me everything I needed to know about why I liked certain things about his writing. "I wanted to write my own AUs," "If I get stuck I go on TV Tropes," "My only regret is that I had to cut the scene where Jedao goes to ~Halloween~ dressed as himself and trolls people" ahhhh that's also a regret I share.

Dragon Pearl, Yoon Ha Lee This one is YA! There is a lot less gore although I guess there was still genocide! Read this when you are in the mood for something that doesn't attempt to hide the fact that the plot is completely, conveniently contrived to give you fast-paced action and fun. Min sure has a lot of coincidental meetings that should stretch my disbelief but I don't care. Also, I am enjoying reading books with girls as protagonists that do what I'm tired of being told to love about boy protagonists--just keep barreling along with complete self-assurance that you are right and, if you run into trouble, you can egotistically figure your way out.

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms, N. K. Jemisin Gods and mortal ruling family's messy soap opera sexcapades is not exactly my favorite genre, but luckily it is handled by Jemisin so it's all good. Lots of Souma Family Values. I'm really appreciating how Jemisin considers choice of narrator very carefully and uses it to brilliant effect in this trilogy. Stories are things told by a narrator to an audience; why should we rely on the artifice of an "impartial" "reliable" "omniscient" 3rd person narrator writing into the void? This trilogy was Jemisin's first, I believe, so it's a little awkward coming back to them now, only because Jemisin is such a powerful writer that the themes she's begun working with here have only gotten stronger with each successive work.

The Broken Kingdoms, N. K. Jemisin This one I rated as I read for Protagonist Is Blind based on the scale of a sighted person going "but some of my best friends are blind!" In that regard, I think the book does really well! Blindness doesn't define Oree's life and value; Oree doesn't get magical powers that make her a blind person who isn't really blind; Oree moves away from home and gets a job and lives on her own which seems very accurate to me based on my knowledge of one (1) person who is blind; instead of being ~cured~, Oree actually gets more blind at the end of the story and this is considered a Good Ending. Also personal bonus points are awarded for references to her stick being handy for hitting people with. Some stuff was stereotypical, but Jemisin's intent was not. A+, will read again, please support including way more characters who are blind in media. Anyway I enjoyed this one.

The Kingdom of Gods, N. K. Jemisin First off, Jemisin directly up front critiques the narration choices she made in the first two books and then pays it off like a boss at the end. Like holy crap. I admit by now I was getting a bit bored of the genre, but the book was still very engaging because Jemisin is a master. It may also have been affected by how much increasing pain I've been in lately.

The Awakened Kingdom, N. K. Jemisin I'm dead. This one was way more my speed and you need the other three books to understand this novella but ohhhh my god it's perfect. I read a lot of choice passages of this aloud to my roommate because how could you resist. It's still heavy but it's hilarious. Bless Shill.

[ahsterism-a]

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑯𝑬𝑬𝑻.

repost,  don’t reblog

BASICS.

full name.   steven quartz cutie-pie demayo diamond universe ( it’s on his medical papers )  pronunciation.   stee-ven uni-verse ( im not doing that whole thing ) nickname.  schtu-ball, steve-o ( and various other versions with “steve” ), rose, pink gender.  male (he/him) height.  5′6″ age.  16/17 ( suf confuses me and i’m too lazy to make an actual decision whoops ) zodiac.   leo spoken languages.  english

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair color.   dark brown eye color.   black skin tone.     pale  body type.   thicker, stocky build-- has the ability to shapeshift/alter his form, which has recently manifested in magic swelling that is uncontrollably triggered   accent.  american  voice.   has grown deeper than before as he has physically aged, still tends to reach a higher pitch sometimes, or can grow even deeper typically with anger/shapeshifting. amazing singing voice.  dominant hand.  right ( i think most recently shown when he draws in In Dreams ), however can work with both posture.   typically upright/mostly straight, grows slouchier depending on emotions scars.   no visible external scars due to his abilities healing all of his injuries. however, there is a visible history of numerous fractures/breaks across his skeleton, which manifest in jagged lines where the injuries took place.  tattoos.   NA birthmarks.  NA most noticeable feature(s).   gem embedded in his naval, pink glow

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth.  beach city, delmarva hometown.    beach city birth weight.   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ birth height.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ manner of birth.  steven was mostly born naturally, given his organic half. however, upon giving birth to him, his mother died when she passed her gem half onto him. he acquired her gem and powers as a result.  first words.   definitely something to do with greg (dad/dada/etc) siblings.  none parents.  greg universe, rose quartz/pink diamond  parental involvement.  rose died when steven was created, which obviously resulted in her absence for his entire life. greg primarily raised steven from his birth until he moved in with garnet, amethyst, and pearl. throughout his younger years, steven lived in the van with greg, and did not go to school, see a doctor, or live the typical life of a human child, however greg was very involved in raising steven, only backing out when things had to do with “gem stuff.” garnet, amethyst, and pearl also served as steven’s guardians, and were protective of him/involved in his life, but also when he was younger, frequently left him behind while going on missions because he was not ready.  

ADULT LIFE.

occupation.   crystal gem, became the “savior of the universe” following change your mind. spent two years back and forth from earth, homeworld, and various planets helping to liberate colonies and bring upon era 3. also involved in the making of little homeworld, and ran little homeschool up until dropping the position after the off colors’ graduation. while running the school, he was in charge of introducing the new, uncorrupted gems to it, healing any cracked gems, managing various lessons/schedules, etc.  close friends / family.  greg universe, rose quartz, garnet, amethyst, pearl, connie maheswaran, lapis, peridot, other crystal gems ( has befriended many gems and people in beach city, but is drifting away from most of these relationships ) relationship status.   single, with a big very obvious crush on connie financial status.  following mr. greg, where his dad was granted a large sum of money, they have had a stable, high financial status driver’s license.  he drives frequently, however he does not have a license due to being undocumented criminal record.  was previously believed to be rose quartz by all of homeworld, which led to an official accusation of shattering pink diamond, and getting put on trial before blue and yellow diamond. he managed to escape, but maintained this record. once the truth was revealed that rose and pink were the same person, he was absolved of this charge. other than that, while not recorded ( and reversed ), he shattered jasper.  vices.   steven tends to constantly look for others’ problems to solve, as a result of constantly having to fix things for everyone else and not knowing who he is without something to fix, which can lead towards him being incredibly pushy with it and ultimately negatively affecting the situation. after countless traumatic experiences that he repressed for years, he struggles with controlling his anger, and has grown more prone to outbursts-- this has led to endangering himself or others with his newfound destructive powers. he frequently refuses help and pushes himself away from people, now believing that he will end up hurting them. 

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song.    i can’t choose just take my whole playlist hobbies to pass time.   music ( singing/playing various instruments ), video games, tv, movies mental illnesses.   C-PTSD due to ongoing childhood trauma, depression, anxiety  physical illnesses.   aforementioned cracks in his skeleton, other than that, none left or right-brained.  right-brained fears.   hurting others, abandonment/being left behind, lingering fears triggered by past experiences ( ex. getting his gem pulled out by white diamond ), no longer being needed, himself self-confidence level.  varies quite a lot throughout the series. is outwardly shown to be quite positive and optimistic throughout most of SU, however early on he doubts his abilities frequently, and especially through the diamond days arc, he questions and doubts about his own identity. during change your mind, he solidifies a strong sense of self love and confidence, however this has wavered throughout the events of SUF. his confidence in himself has depleted to the point where he is scared of his own abilities and destructive powers, and thinks very negatively of himself.  vulnerabilities. he doesn’t know how to exist without having something to fix. he constantly offers help, however doesn’t seek or accept help from others due to both a belief that he is only supposed to help others, and an unwillingness to open up to that sort of change. his mother is a very sensitive topic, considering his very complicated feelings towards her. his mental state is extremely vulnerable at the moment as he finally grapples with his past. 

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation.   romantic orientation.  panromantic preferred emotional role.   submissive  |  dominant  |  switch ; steven has a hard time accepting comfort and support, often closing himself off and claiming he’s fine, twisting the situation so he can try and help the other person. he is constantly offering comfort and emotional help. and although it is difficult for him to accept the same, once he does, he appreciates the comfort and support.  preferred sexual role. submissive  |  dominant | switch libido. turn on’s.  kindness, a genuine want to spend time with him, someone he really clicks with, a meaningful friendship, the ability to joke around and laugh with someone, feeling happy with them even when things aren’t going great  turn off’s.  cruelty, targeting someone he loves love language.   super affectionate-- lots of physical contact. hugs, all kinds of kisses, cuddles, the whole deal, he loves love and loves showing people that he loves them. he tends to be quite “extra” when planning special things, either picking out meaningful gifts or setting up grander, impulsive gestures ( ex. the proposal to connie ).  relationship tendencies.        steven has never been in an official romantic relationship-- the closest is his bond with connie ( however he believes he likely ruined that after together forever/growing pains ). however, in a romantic relationship, he would as said before be very affectionate and caring. he would always make time for the other, write them songs, set up fun things for them whether it’s a lot smaller or holds more weight. however, he also does not know how romance works at all, which would result in him being quite clueless, and making decisions that might seem questionable to someone else. he’ll get very red and flustered upon receiving the same affection he tries to give back, though.  as for other types of relationships, he tends to make friends quite easily, and fervently cares for everyone around him. he feels as if a lot of his relationships are drifting away from him, though, and has taken to isolating himself/lashing out instead of properly dealing with his problems. 

tagged by:  @pristinette​ !! tagging: steal it from me uwu

[essythewolf]

With Forgotten Stories coming ever closer I figure...better late than never? I’ve followed the fandom for quite a while but I think it’s time I throw my Prophetess out there. I present: Leanara. Enjoy!

Enderal Character Ask – Fill it out yourself or reblog as is to use as an ask meme.

Have fun! <3

Link for the blank ask here!

—————————————

1. The basics – name, age, etc…

Leanara. “Lea”. 27. Half-Arazalean. She/her.

2. Describe their appearance. Short, around 5’5”. Lean with a small bust and wide hips. Built for running and climbing. Warm olive skin, yellow eyes, honey colored hair that hugs her face and waves towards the ends beneath her shoulders. Her color theme is warm!

3. How do they like to dress?

Practical and comfy! Light leather and cloth armor during combat. Typically avoids heavier armor.

4. Do they have any markings (scars, tattoos, birthmarks)?

A thin scar trails just beneath her left eye and travels down to her chin. Scarring on back.

5. What are they like? Describe their personality (use whatever tools you like- MBTI, D&D alignment, astrological signs, Hogwarts house, words/phrases):

Typically neutral-good. She is playful and idealistic. She tries to be open-minded and see things from another’s point of view. Easy to please. When she’s sad or angry, she doesn’t typically lash out but instead becomes withdrawn, moody and passive. She’ll puts others before herself. She doesn’t take betrayal well.

6. How would they describe themselves?

Me? Oh, there’s really nothing important about me…I’m just like everyone else trying to get by. Uh, for the most part.

7. Education level?

Lea can read, write and even draw if given paper and ink. Average street smarts, enough to keep her alive at least, and she is thirsty for knowledge everywhere else. Most of her education came from the house she served after her family was killed.

8. What are they proud of in themselves? What are they embarrassed about?

Her drawing skills though she doesn’t show them to anyone but her friends. Her archery skills as they grow and even more so when she tempers her magic alongside that.

Embarrassed about her height. Embarrassed for some of the crimes and acts she’s had to do, especially during her time as a slave to a noble house.

“What’s that you have there?”

Warm breath disturbed the hair on her shoulder. Lea immediately shut her little book, squeezing the piece of the charcoal between its pages. The black leather cover hadn’t been broken into yet and seemed to shine against the light from the campfire. Kurro, the merchant in Riverville, had given it to her for a fairly low price.

“Was that of me?” Sea blue eyes glinted mischievously as he stood up.

“What? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Much of the first pages had been filled already with notes and sketches but…The book was yanked from her hands. For the next several minutes, she chased the mercenary around camp while he tried to get a peek.

9. Do they know any languages other than Inal?

Some of the Arazaelean language from the “civilized” portion and that of her Mother’s tribe.

10. What, if any, aspects of their mother’s culture influenced them growing up?

The language and the stories. Her mother spoke often of the warriors and greater figures of the tribes.

11. Name a song (or a few) that remind you of them.

Don’t usually pay attention to lyrics but instead focus on a feel or emotion by how it sounds.

Love OST Part 2 - Stars in the Sky - NyxThShield (from Glitchtale)

Under Stars - AURORA

Adventure - JJD

12. Speaking of songs, can they sing? What is their voice like? How about instruments?

Sort of? It’s pleasant enough but she’s no bard. Her voice is quiet but thickly accented in Ostian’s style. When she speaks Arazalean it can sometimes be hard for those who do speak it, to understand her.

13. What was their life like before coming to Enderal?

Her family stayed outside of Ostian. Her father often hunted or went into the city to trade furs and meat. She was mistreated by her father due to her appearance resembling more of her mother than the father. However, he would dote on her younger sister and often guided her to be wary of her older sibling and mother. Lea took solace with her mother when their father was out hunting or in the city. She would tell stories of her tribe and teach the language in secret.

After witnessing one too many beatings Lea would approach one of the priests and inform them of the abuse. A mistake she would never forget as they spewed their proclamations while setting them aflame.

After the destruction of her family, she wandered into the city only to be picked up by slavers and sold to one of the noble houses in the city. As a child she cleaned and attended to the ladies of the house. She befriended one of the daughters who taught her to read and write. That wouldn’t last. 

Before she hit womanhood, the house was raided by Temple priests. In the chaos she escaped but became yet another urchin in the streets, living in the abandoned quarter of the city. She met Sirius after being robbed by other urchins. He offered some of his meager portion of food in the aftermath and the two would remain together until Enderal.

She lay down in the mud, a cool salve against her hot, bruised skin. Her left eye was swollen shut but she considered her miniscule luck her nose wasn’t broken. She also supposed it could have been worse.. They had been boys, younger than she, but due to her short stature and their numbers, she had been easily overpowered. She tried to get up but her arms shook too much and she plopped back into the mud.

Someone took her arm and hauled her up. She whimpered and tried to pull away.

“Hey hey it’s okay. They’re gone.” The voice was male but hushed and gentle.

She looked at him. He was covered in grime and his sandy brown hair mussed but his eyes were warm with concern. He held her up against a crumbling wall and checked her injuries.

“They got you pretty bad but it looks like nothing is broken…”

“Why are you helping me?” She asked. She couldn’t help the tears that trickled down her cheeks.

“Some of us need to help each other yeah? Not everyone can be all bad.” He tried to smile but grimaced. It was then she noticed his own share of bruises. From his rags he took out a half, soggy loaf of bread. He tore it and offered a piece to her. She took it with shaking hands. 

“Name’s Sirius.”

“Leanara.” She didn’t feel completely safe. Not yet. But for the first time in a long time, she appreciated the company.

14. How did they decide to leave Nehrim?

With the encroaching army of the north and middle realm led by Taranor Coarek and the decline in work availability, it became a desperate decision to leave. The rioting in Ostian also added to the cacophony of chaos. Enderal was the best choice given its isolation. Arazael was Lea’s first choice but it became a last minute decision to (literally) jump ship to Enderal. The ship was one of the last to be leaving the Ostian port.

15. Describe their relationship with Sirius.

Brother and sister vibe. There was a slight attraction at first but it was quickly snuffed after discovering Sirius’ attraction to men. Both had a bad habit to put the other before themselves. It would have been comedic if they hadn’t been so sore and bruised after each scuffle. Sirius relied on strength and Lea relied on cunning in order to survive the city streets.

16. Who do they blame for what happened to their family?

Outwardly, the Creator’s Temple. Inwardly, she wonders if things could have been different if she hadn’t gone to them in the first place. Maybe wait it out until the Temple’s destruction...but would it have been any better?

17. Apart from stowing away, have they ever broken the law?

Yes but in the name of survival. While it may be useless, she tells herself she could repay her debts in the distant future.

18. How honest are they? Under what circumstances would they lie?

In most situations she’s honest. She’ll lie if compelled under particular circumstances, such as what happened with Hallys in Alt-Dothulgrad.

19. Worst memory(s)? Best memory(s)?

Worst memories: Her family being killed. Receiving the scar beneath her eye a couple of years before fleeing slavery.

Best Memories: Nighttime story telling with her mother. Sharing a fresh meal with Sirius (fortune had been kind to them that day and Lea managed to snag a few pieces of food without being caught). The journey to the Star City in Gertrude.

20. Fight, or flight?

Depends but more times it will be flight.

21. Describe their combat style.

Arcane Archer. She took huge inspiration from “The Archer of the Steppes” written by the Wanderer. The tale was also told by her mother of a woman who used her magic to help her people. An Arazalean archer who could combine elemental magic with a bow, was very Robin Hood-esque and female on top of it? Oh heck yes!

A second, ethereal, arrow followed the first. The target, a Lost One, jerked then froze. It fell onto the ground and the bones scattered into the snow.

“Impressive!”

Lea hopped down from her tree perch, surveying her work. More bones were scattered into the snow, creating several small impressions. A couple of rotted corpses also lay nearby.

“Time?” Lea asked.

Calia stepped up beside her, “Four breaths.”

Four breaths, seven enemies down.

Lea began plucking any salvageable arrows. The first time she tried her “time stop” ability, she’d freaked out Jespar on their way to the Living Temple. She’d been by his side then several paces ahead with dead raiders at his feet. However, the sudden burst of magic took more out of her than she thought and had nearly fainted afterwards. Calia took this ability in greater stride.

“Doesn’t spike your fever?”

Lea shook her head and smiled, “Not anymore.”

22. Have they ever killed before? What is their reaction to combat?

Not directly until Enderal. Her first kill was the bandit back at the Apothecarius camp. She shot the man from afar but after inspecting the body, she had struck him through the throat. She didn’t keep her lunch and made it a point to not linger on the bodies after she’s killed someone.

23. How do they react to having magical abilities? Do they use them?

At first, scared. But eventually curiosity got the better of her to try and use these new powers. She only touches elemental and mentalism magic, often in small doses and in combination with her bow. Large uses of her mana, whether out of desperation or experimentation, dramatically spike her fever.

24. What do they think of Enderal?

The landscapes are beautiful! She could wander its forests in the Heartland all day. The Powder Desert reminds of her the sands near Ostian though the cold and snow is new.

The people are a little close minded but it is still a welcome change from the fanatics of the Creator’s Temple.

25. Did they do the Biggest Egg Hunt Ever quest? 

Yes. It gave her an excuse to explore the farther reaches of Enderal.

26. How do they feel about joining the Order? What do they think of Arantheal?

Did not want to join. At all. She is very leery towards religious convents and being heavily coercerd to join one was not on her bucket list. She understands Arantheal’s point of view…at first. The more she does to stop the cleansing the more she dislikes him and the way he acts. Her last straw was with the guards that were “sacrificed” at the harbor gate.

Lea watched Taranor Coarek walk away. Walking away to crucify Enderalean prisoners because of—.

She turned to Tealor Aranthael who also watched the Nehrimese commander through the city gates.

“Why didn’t you save them?”

The Grandmaster’s gaze snapped to hers. She suppressed the urge to flinch and returned the gaze defiantly.

“And lead that Entropist into the city?” He swept his arms towards the gate. “No. Their death was necessary. It was an honor for them.”

“An honor? An honor?!” She reached for him. The remaining guards drew their blades but Aranthael halted them with a raised hand. He used his other hand to stop her advance and hold her wrists together.

She wanted to scream at him. To wail and curse him. She could have saved them. Just a few moments more if he hadn’t closed the gate. She could have saved Ryneus. She could have saved Jespar and Calia. Too small. Too slow. Too weak.

Aranthael threw her back and she ungracefully landed on her rump. A scroll also fell into her lap.

“Pull yourself together Prophetess.” He spoke like a father quelling a spoiled child. “And meet me back at the Sun Temple. We will talk there.”

He turned to Yuslan Sha’rim about the wards protecting the city. The voices turned to white noise as she stared at the teleport scroll. The fight left her. She could feel all of her muscles aching in protest from the erratic fighting. A pounding headache had her nearly falling over onto the dirty street. Someone hoisted her to her feet. She expected to see Aranthael’s face but instead saw Sha’rim’s scowling features.

“Go. I doubt the Grandmaster would be as gentle.”

On cue, Aranthael turned to the two of them after he addressed the guard. Expectant. Agitated. She swore she saw disappointment in those hard eyes. She nodded her thanks and used the scroll.

27. What is their opinion of the gods (or lack thereof)?

She believes the rumors that Lightborn are dead. The Creator, whatever that is, is nothing but a cruel master and these Lightborn didn’t do themselves that much justice either. She could care less.

28. Wine, or pipe?

Wine. Though oddly enough she likes the smell of tobacco, whether unburnt or on someone (or a certain someone). She’s often reminded of an old hag who would help her and other urchins from time to time in Ostian.

29. Do they spare or arrest Hallys, the farmer-turned-bandit in the quest, Deus Ex Machina? Why?

Spare. She understands Hallys and takes pity on him. She doesn’t trust the “fair judgement” like Calia would. She assumed that once with the Creator’s Temple and that didn’t go well.

30. What are their feelings and opinions about the Undercity?

She’s moved with pity. However, just as the poor live down there so the unsavory. She keeps her hood up and purse hidden whenever she goes down there. She reluctantly admits that should her and Sirius had come through unscathed, they would have ended up here. And in a way, worse off than in Ostian.

31. How do they react to the beggars of Ark?

She spares some coin for those on the streets. She talks to a few of them, usually after a few visits with coin.

32. Where and how do they spend their time when in Ark?

Depends. If she’s with Calia, she spends her time in the bathhouse or scoula. If with Jespar, she frequents the Dancing Nomad. If alone, she “tours the rooftops” and finds spaces to sit and stare into the horizon. It’s usually the time she documents events in her little black book. She often scaled the buildings in Ostian, like climbing the unfinished light house or the apartments that could overlook the city.

33. What would they do with three wishes?

Wish Sirius was alive.

Wish she could have completed her missions without joining the Order.

Wish she could have saved those from the corruption of the Black Stones.

34. How do they feel about death? Do they fear it?

She fears how death will come to her, be it violently or not. She’s seen a lot of death and hopes that when she truly passes, it will be peaceful.

35. What (else) do they fear?

Losing those closest to her. Drowning. Spiders. Always the spiders…

36. Do they have any secrets?

She’s barren and cannot have children.

37. How is their behavior around people they like? People they dislike?

For those she likes she is open, playful and inquisitive. For those she dislikes she is quiet, distant, and snippy. 38. What is their relationship with the companions? Who, if anyone, did your prophet romance?

Calia-True to Calia’s nickname of her, they are sisters in arms. While they both agree that they wish to do some good in their lives, Lea likes to live hers a little more freely than Calia. She enjoys meditating with her and easing Calia out of the shell she’s built up around herself. She even manages to get her to cut loose a couple of times and find that the quiet Keeper enjoys other simple pleasures like dancing.

Calia was laughing. Laughing. In the belly of the starship, she doubled over and laughed into the cavernous space. Lea couldn’t help but laugh with her. They’d scurried away like naughty children when Kurmai appeared at the entrance to the machinery room.

When they’d first met. Lea wasn’t sure of the woman was capable of such open emotion. It was gratifying to see otherwise. Entity or not.

Jespar- As her first anchor in Enderal, she attached herself to him quite quickly and admired his free and laid back attitude. His philosophies often clashed with hers (nihilism clashing with idealism) but she could understand and respect his point of view. This often lead to deep talks and friendly (and sometimes not so friendly) debating as they poke and prod at each other’s philosophies. They got along well, teased each other, though he manages to win the ‘game’ more than she does and an attraction is built between them. In the end, yes, she romances him. Both taking a leap and crossing a barrier that they would often dance around in later months. And hey, better try and seek that bliss before the world ends right?

Jespar opened his mouth to say something. Paused. Closed it then looked towards the Nehrimese camp. The plan was simple. Well, in theory it was simple. Infiltrate the camp, plant the silver plates, sneak back out before sunrise. They could worry about getting off the island afterwards.

Lea turned over the plate in her hands, “Any-any good place to put my plate?”

“An officers tent or Coarek’s would be ideal. Just…” he paused again looking unsure, “try not to play the hero if you get caught alright?”

She poked him with her plate, “Worried?”

He laughed. Strained. It was a simple plan. It should be fine. He looked at her, opened his mouth, closed it again and grimaced.

“Let’s go, the sun is pretty low now…”

“Right and Lea?”

“Yeah?”

“Good luck…and be careful.”

39. Was there any non-companion character that they were close to? That they particularly disliked?

Like:

Lishari Peghast – Fiery but a surprisingly good match, especially after sharing stories about life in Ostian.

Constatine Firespark – Obvious, who doesn’t love the rough, sarcastic, but surprisingly helpful Bushybeard?

Meagar Ironford – From the side quest “In the Sole Place”. I really liked this little side quest and imagined him and Lea occasionally meeting for a mug of brew and looking over his daughter’s poetry.

Bael’Hizael: An older Arazalean that would talk of their culture to her.

Lexil Marrayil – Her thirst for knowledge was handled by the Archmagister and the two became fast friends as he helped her expand that.

Dislike:

Dal’Geyss – Obvious reasons.

Tealor Arantheal – She can understand where he’s coming from but that doesn’t mean she has to like it. Or follow his example.

Yuslan Sha’rim: Before we find out about his…ahem…betrayal. Something about him just rubbed her the wrong way to begin with. She was cordial to him but otherwise avoided him.

Prince Mith of Adreyu: This guy. Just. This guy.

That general goods merchant – So rude.

40. How do they feel about myrads?

Strange and exotic to her. She enjoys riding them after conquering air sickness during her first ride to the Northern Heartland.

41. What dreams or ambitions did they have before coming to Enderal? What about afterwards?

She wanted to be an adventurer. True to her mother’s stories, she heard of warriors and travelers that braved the dangers of the Steppes of Arazael. She wanted to visit her homeland to see for herself.

Afterwards, she seriously considered taking up mercenary work (with Jespar). The allure of finding lost artifacts from Jespar’s own experience inspired her.

42. Do they like cities? Or do they prefer the country? Is there a region of Enderal that they like or dislike more than the others?

Lea prefers the country. After growing up in the crowded streets of Ostian, peace away from people was preferable. Ark appealed a little better to her senses but she would be seen more along its walls or in the Heartland.

She really likes Goldenforst, the scenery alone invites one to stay but the ruins and forts beg her for attention to explore. Though thankfully her skills have developed quite a bit by the time she gets here as beauty hides danger.

43. What do they do to lower their considerable stress?

Draw, go “rooftop jumping”, relax in the bath house, people watch in the Dancing Nomad.

44. Describe their perfect day off.

It would all be very laid back and she would take her time on everything. Lea would sleep in late (with no nightmares), take a walk on the countryside or a walk through a market. She would document everything on paper and in the end lay a top a roof and star gaze. Ideally, this would be done with Jespar and Calia as well.

45. List three of their favorite things. Three things they hate?

Favorites:

Juniper berries, stargazing, warm, sunny days.

Hate:

Spiders. The cold (snow is pretty but too cold). Spiders. Have we mentioned spiders?

46. What’s in their pockets?

Vellum, charcoal, string, loose berries (hopefully uncrushed), Ambrosia.

47. Pets? Mounts? Treasured possessions?

No mounts or pets, though she considered adopting a dog. She often pets and feeds the dogs in Ark and as a result will follow her around the city, much to the amusement of a certain mercenary. Her treasured possessions are a pendant of bone given by her mother of her past life in the Steppes and her small journal that she bought in Riverwood before journeying to Ark.

48. How are their cooking skills?

Mediocre at best. Anything beyond a simple soup isn’t going to turn out well.

49. Do you consider any particular quest or side quest to be definitive for your prophet? Which one(s) and why?

Into the Deep: Where sh*t gets real. The niggling doubts, a dawning realization that, not only is the world on the brink of annihilation, she may not be real. But that can’t be right can it?

Black Light III: Lea looked at the guard. Her expression mirrored his as one of surprise. Signet Leader Jorek Bartarr was dead. Killed by the Grandmaster for treason. The guard quickly ushered her away, having been nice enough to let her eavesdrop on the interrogation, but didn’t want to get either of them in trouble. Many others regarded her the same way. Nods of approval. Voices of praise for the defense of Ark. A collective grasp for the fight they had now and the importance of her role. Now they saw her for what she was supposed to be. The Prophetess.

She hated it. Every second of it.

Everyday Like the Last VI and Two Souls VI: I would combine them both somehow…

Some honorable mentions for side quests…

The Sole Place: Quick and easy side quest. I quite liked Meagar (and his VA).

The Dreary Field: Arazalean to Arazalean. Her mother had once talked about the “debt of blood” and is part of the reason why she feels guilty about her family.

50. How forgiving are they? For example, if they were yelled at in a brothel after searching high and low for this little sh*t, how would they react?

In general? Forgiving enough unless they tried to kill her or do worse things to her. It also depends on the person.

For this particular scene. She doesn’t give herself the capacity to forgive him at first. “A drunk man speaks a sober heart”. The emotions are raw and this is mid-way between the black stone questline where her idealistic resolve is crumbling and crumbling fast. She recalls Jespar quoting the Wise Hermit when they stood in Yero’s Cellar: “You’re only an idealist until it starts to hurt.” Combined with what he does say to her in the brothel leaves her hating herself more than hating him in that moment. The last stone (after leaving the brothel) she pursues is the Dal’Geyss stone. We all know how that went down. After the Black Stones, she feels more relief that someone she cared for actually did care back. That he did come back when there was a fair chance he wouldn’t have. However, she’s much more grounded after these experiences.

51. What do they think of the Veiled Woman?

She is unsure of what to make of them and is greatly unsettled that she can’t figure her out. At best she is wary of her. At worst she is angry with her.

52. If they had been a victim of one of the black stones, how would it have affected them? What would they have used its power to accomplish?

She would have been like Adila. Trying to help the world using the wrong means. If corrupted while still in Ostian, she would have started by killing off her former slave owner and the family, despite receiving some help and sympathy from the daughter of the house. She would have tried to destroy the Creator’s Temple cult (probably would have run into the Shadowgod at that rate). If she had somehow made it to Enderal, she would attack both Coarek and Aranthael. Coarek because of his conquests and Aranthael for his pride even though he was doing what he could do to stop the High Ones the best way he knew how. If she was corrupted after meeting Jespar and Calia, she would probably kill them. Not out of anger or spite but either as an accident or if they tried to stop her.

53. What was their reaction to the Black Guardian’s revelations? Do they accept or reject his offer?

The last of her resolve breaks here. To know she isn’t real, that her father was right, that even though she was “an idealized version of herself” she was still only used as a tool both by the High Ones and those around her, namely Arantheal. At first she accepts his offer to flee to the Star City (believing everyone is dead). After the Black Guardian’s betrayal however, and discovering her companion (Jespar in this instance) alive, she rejects the idea of fleeing. She wanted to give the world and her lover a second chance. To her, that sacrifice would be worth it.

54. How does their story end?

She cries into his chest. Fingers digging into his ruined, blue coat. He holds her tight, murmuring quietly into her hair.

“You always were an idealist weren’t you?”

She hiccups a laugh in response.

“I love you, you know that?”

She nods and forces herself off of him. They are both covered in grime and blood but that doesn’t stop her from grabbing his face and pulling him into a rough kiss. His skin flares and she can feel the unnatural heat radiating off of him. He groans and pulls away.

“You are…making this very hard.” He wipes away the tears on her cheeks then braces her shoulders as another wave of pain roils within.

“I-I’m sorry. For-for all of this.”

“You do what you have to.”

----

“Sa’Ira…I thought you were dead.” Calia just barely lifted her head to Lea. Her skin is ashen and covered in white veins. The Cleansing burning so hot like iron in a furnace. She explains how the Nehrimese broke into the Temple. That Aranthael lit the beacon. The flash of white light. The pain. The searing pain.

Lea looks up. Transparent bodies slowly rise into the rift. Souls. The beginning of a transformation. She sees Calia’s phasing in and out of her body.

“Sa’Ira…Tell me one more thing. The Beacon…I thought it was…supposed to save us?” Each word a struggle. The light in her eyes dimming. The ones on her skin glowing brighter.

“We never found the Numinos. Yuslan destroyed it and Aranthael lit the Beacon without it.” She can feel it now. Not as intense. More like…a walk in the desert when the sun is at its peak.

“But you’re here…that means something right? You can save us…” Calia lolls to the side. Lea catches her, brushes some dark hair from her eyes.

“It’s…it’s too late but there’s always hope.” Don’t lie. Not to her.

“Hope…I like the sound of that.” Her voice is a whisper. “At least…it wasn’t all for nothing…we did…something good…and that’s…what…”

----

She feels each pulse of the Beacon down to the marrow of her bones. The Grandmaster, Tealor Aranthael, lay withering at her feet.

“Irlanda? Is that you?”

She says nothing but continues her task. She takes up his greatsword. Heavy. Unbalanced in her hands. It would do.

“I saved them Darling, don’t you see?”

She hefts the sword and swings at the first stone. Gone. The burning flares beneath her skin. She hears a distant cry of a Myrad.

“I led them to the light…”

The second stone meets the same fate. She falls. She crawls to the last stone.

“I…alone.”

She stands, using the sword as leverage. She supposes…it was fitting this way. She brings the sword down on the last stone.

55. Do they change over the course of the story? In what ways?

Of course. Less idealistic in the end, she mentally and emotionally feels older and a little wiser. More grounded.

56. Anything else you’d like to share about them?

She loves juniper berries. Eating them, drinking them in mead or teas, finding soaps smelling of them, doesn’t matter as long as they are in it somehow.

If only there had been more time, she would have loved to experience Lethonia with Jespar.

57. Bonus: For you- what are you most excited for in Forgotten Stories?

The secret ending, Yuslan’s past, the Veiled Woman, the third companion. Ugh, EVERYTHING, I can’t wait!!

[yokonami]

Alright Rohas, I love you all to death, but as an Adult and a Queer, we need to have a little chat.

A chat about shipping, and Binu specifically.

I know a lot of Rohas are teenagers, and I remember very, very well what it was like to be a teenager in fandom (for the record, I’m 24 and I’ve been hanging around fandom culture since I was like 12). You have so much passion and interest in these things, and you are able engage with them in a way that’s very engaging and personal, you may use them as a way to project or explore yourself and get to know yourself through them. One of the ways people do this is through shipping! And honestly being able to come to understandings about yourself through media is a really important and valuable asset, and is indispensable for a lot of young fans, especially young LGBT fans, and when you’re doing this with fictional characters, there’s no limit to what you can explore, because these people aren’t real so drawing/writing/roleplaying/etc with them won’t affect their lives in any way, which is great!

Idols are not fictional characters. Real people are not fictional characters.

The way that you interact with them has a direct impact on their life. I genuinely cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen celebrities/public figures have personal relationships either completely ruined or permanently scarred because of how people behaved in regards to shipping. (Ray Narvaez and Mark/Jack, and Donghae/Eunhyuk are just a few examples I can talk about further if you would like me to). People will literally get death threats if they do or don’t do what the fandom thinks they should, because of this imaginary relationship they are forcing upon them.

Let me make one thing very, very clear: A person’s sexuality and relationship status is never, has never been, and will never be, any of our business. 

Now, if a couple decides to be public with their relationhip, and has expressed publicly that they are ok with things like fanart, that is their call, but not everyone will be and we need to respect that.

And why am I bringing up Binu specifically? Most of you have to be aware about the general opinion of both homosexuality and idols dating in Korea. Both are very, very not good. Like, an idol could potentially ruin their entire career if they were to have a gay/dating scandal (look at Super Junior’s Sungmin, he got married in 2014, and fans are STILL trying to kick him out of the group. For getting married. At the age of 28.) This is true for Eunwoo and Moonbin too.

I also know how scary it is to be out, and even more so to be outed when you don’t want to be/aren’t ready to be. It’s genuinely dangerous to be out, and is exponentially more so for people who live in the public eye. Idols get threats for a lot less these days. So every time I see anyone ask about an idols sexuality i get nervous. I know they won’t out themselves, but that almost hurts more, knowing there probably are LGBT idols who want to be out but don’t feel safe doing so.

Whether their relationship is platonic, romantic, or something else entirely,

1) It’s not actually any of our business

2) It’s intrusive on their personal life

3) If this idea gets out enough, they will have to publicly address it which could hurt their image or their personal relationship (again, Dongae & Eunhyuk have had to deal with this)

I’m not saying we can’t enjoy/appreciate the fanservice (they are choosing to do that themselves), I’m not saying we can’t think they would be cute together if they were a couple, I’m not even saying that they themselves are or aren’t comfortable with being shipped (Dan & Phil have made it very clear that their relationship has never been anything but platonic, but they still accept most fandom stuff).

I’m saying that there are boundaries and too often fans forget that idols are in fact real people, and forgetting that fact can bring them actual harm.

[ffxvhoe]

Hello there! I was wondering what your opinion on all the chocobros was! Like who's your favorite, your bae, least favorite, etc ❤

zcoh my oh my, i wasn’t sure how much detail you wanted this to be but it’s uh....gonna be a bit long i think

so my favorite character to lust after would probably be gladio, like if i were to label anyone as my bae it’d be him largely bc i feel like he’s the most...idk...dynamic?? out of everyone?? like he can be soft, he can rough, he can really just fill all your needs.  ofc that’s not to say that the other bros aren’t dynamic, it’s just in my head and the way i headcanon things he’s the one with the most depth in my opinion.

HOWEVER

prompto, in terms of like canon and shit is like HE’S GOT THE SHIT THAT GET’S ME GOING LIKE HE’S GOT WHAT I LOVE WHICH IS A BACKSTORY THAT MESSES ME UP AND GIVES ME SO MUCH TO WORK WITH WHEN HEADCANONING STUFF AND PLOTTING like i’m such a slut for characters that have tragic backstories bc there’s just so much that you can freaking do with that ya know? like there’s so many ways that you could just fuck this kid up even more it’s gREAT

so that being said, gladio is my bae, but prompto is my favorite character...idek if that makes sense but ye

ignis i’m like...not really about like i just don’t know enough about him and didn’t feel any kind of draw to him...unTIL HE WENT BLIND BC AGAIN I’M A SLUT FOR BRINGING CHARACTERS PAIN (like it’s a helluva good thing i don’t rp anymore for the sake of my caracters lmaooo) so yeah, basically what’s to know is that i don’t particularly care much for ignist until he becomes older!ignis with the scar cause that’s when the character has a little more fun to offer me (also older!ignis is 10x more attractive than regular ignis tbh)

noct i’m kinda just...indifferent about??? like idk i don’t find any sort of pull to his looks or his character.  for me there’s just not a whole lot he has to offer in terms of plots and headcanons??? that’s not to say that i don’t like him or anything or that i don’t appreciate his story it’s just there’s nothing really there for me to work with so idk. i don’t hate him but i don’t have any sort of containable love for him

and so now...this next part may not make a lot of sense and doesn’t have to do with the chocobros but i’mma explain. i absolutely HATE ardyn HOWEVER he’s one of my most favorite characters in the game.  from the strict view of him making all of my bbs’ lives harder like yeah i fuckin hate the bitch, but from the perspective of character writing and shit??? THIS MAN’S SO INTERESTING!! first of all, his backstory can be molded to be something so so cool and fun in a really fucked way (i wish there would’ve been more about him in the game that would’ve been gr8 but whatevs i guess) and like the whole hallucination thing??? THAT’S SO COOL!! if you were to ever write some sort of fic, you could have so many different options for how ardyn fucks shit up and you could come up with so much stuff about how his mind works or something esPECIALLY BC HE WAS IMMORTAL LIKE DUDE IMMORTAL PPL ARE SO FUN TO WRITE BC THERE’S ALWAYS SO MUCH ROOM FOR SUFFERING TO BE INVOLVED !!!!

but yeah i’mma just cut myself off now bc i can feel a rant coming on and i don’t know how coherent it’ll end up being lol but yeah, there’s my thoughts on the incredibly lovely chocobros

[nedcanquen]

NedCan fic: Mr 7th Floor

Surprise! I wrote something for the first time in months. This NedCan fic takes place in a professional services/audit firm AU that no one asked for and kind of came out of nowhere.  It’s not finished because I’m not sure if anyone is remotely interested in an Audit firm AU - if you guys like it though, let me know and I’ll see about writing more. (UPDATE: Looks like there are enough plot bunnies to continue writing this).

Tags: Audit firm AU, Pining, Office AU, Slow Burn, Single POV

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 |  Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

Photo by Alisa Anton  

Notes:

APH Vietnam - Ha Ngoc Le APH Seychelles - Michelle Vel APH Australia - Jack Brown

Basically, the highest rank you can climb to in a professional services firm is ‘Partner’. After that it’s just variations of the title like ‘Managing Partner’ etc.

Mr 7th Floor

For the past three years, since the first sight of him in a shared elevator took his breath away, Matthew Williams has eagerly anticipated and dreaded the appearance of Mr 7th floor. It was actually ridiculous that he still mentally thought of tall-and-handsome-bicycle-maniac as Mr 7th floor (and that he seemed to have assigned the man a secondary ridiculous nickname on top of the first), because he did know the man’s name - Daan deBoer, Partner, Mergers and Acquisitions Advisory Services. Matthew was not a stalker, he was not…except he learned Mr 7th floor’s name by searching the corporate directory for all the names on said 7th floor and looked at all of their staff pictures until he found who he was looking for…

Okay, Matthew was a stalker.

A pathetic stalker. In his defense, he didn’t do it on his own? It didn’t take much encouragement though.

Anyway, he didn’t do more than that and besides, Mr 7th floor wasn’t a Partner then.

After learning Mr 7th floor’s name, Matthew went back to work, just as he had the day before when he hadn’t known of Mr 7th floor’s existence. Or at least tried to, because after he knew the man’s name it was impossible to avoid him - Daan deBoer turned up in several news interviews, in the firm’s magazine, and he was also easy to spot at every firm event Matthew found himself at. Even if he wanted to forget him it was impossible, because the firm was a micro world of its own and there was no escaping the consultants in advisory services, even at an audit firm where they were supposed to be the minority. Matthew was an auditor, like most people in his firm in a giant category called ‘Assurance services’, but the thing was, the Advisory folks were just obnoxious - they were loud, they were proud, and they made sure everyone knew it. With the amount of noise they made, you’d think that they won every inter-firm competition, they touted themselves for bringing in the most profits, doubled as models in every brochure, and could spend hours talking about something that meant absolutely nothing at all. They could draw diagrams like their lives depended on it too but in Matthew’s opinion, these diagrams didn’t really mean much once you scratched the surface of how nice they looked. The worst part was, they were paid better than anyone in Assurance, worked less hours in total, and still spent every waking moment complaining about how hard their lives were. They also all sat on the 7th floor.  

Fucking 7th floor.

The thing was, his crush was perhaps acceptable three years ago when Matthew was just a green associate at PK&DE, one of the world’s largest professional services firms and having a laugh with his new friends - feeling appreciated and human for the first time in a long time because he was good at his job. But now, Matthew was supposed to be management, even if he was at the lowest rank of it. It still meant new responsibilities - (officially anyway, he had already been doing most of this as an Assistant Manager) he led teams, he maintained his relationships with clients well enough that that they preferred to give him new work over the competition (except Maplecorp, who had switched their auditors last year but his friend there assured him that it wasn’t personal), he encouraged young associates “don’t despair, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed but you can do this” and dear Lord now he was responsible for career coaching - people’s lives, whether they were promoted or not depended on how well he could defend them when performance review season came about. Sometimes Matthew was proud of himself, making manager in just three years was no mean feat, but oftentimes he was just fucking terrified and hoped it wasn’t obvious that he didn’t feel like he knew what he was doing. That at any moment now, Francis would walk in and say “There was a mistake, we like the other Matthew” (surely in a firm this size there were other Matthews). Most times he could lose the anxiety in the work, and the reliability he found in it.

Anyway, now Matthew was a manager. He wasn’t supposed to have goofy crushes on hot men who were Partners and who worked on the 7th floor. At least not in the way he obviously crushed on said hot man from the 7th floor.

Because everyone in his team knew about it.

Matthew heard Michelle bite down a laugh as a certain someone walked into the elevator right before the doors closed, and could feel the heat rush up his neck and burn his cheeks. Matthew looked over at her to distract himself, give himself something else to do than awkwardly pretend he couldn’t see the man who was standing right in front of him in that cramped elevator (who was a head taller than almost everyone else in there) and saw that Michelle, was thankfully not being too obvious about how she was holding back her laughter. Matthew clenched his jaw and frowned at the small screen above that showed the steady ascent to their respective floors.

‘Come on’ Matthew willed ‘Just make it to his floor already and get him out out OUT’

But with the morning rush the elevator stopped on almost every floor, leaving Matthew to stew in agony, until finally, FINALLY…he was aware of Daan deBoer shifting his shoulders, getting ready to walk out. Too soon, Matthew relaxed and looked down from his intense glaring at the screen, only to catch those green eyes regarding him curiously for a moment, before the other man nodded at him briefly and walked out. By the time they reached their own 12th floor, Michelle was shaking so hard that she burst out laughing the moment they stepped off the elevator.

“Ahahahah! Oh my God Matthew! Your moment! You had a moment!”

“Shhhhh! Shut up shut up shut up!”   

The problem with spending most of his life at his job from a young age, with colleagues of a similar age, was that Matthew’s colleagues became his friends. This wasn’t really an issue except that it was almost impossible to keep secrets from them. Secrets were not on Matthew’s mind one fated 3 in the goddamned morning during the height of stock-take audit season after he discovered that some idiot didn’t know how to file things properly. At 3 in the morning, surviving off nothing but maple syrup and Red Bull, Matthew became prone to saying things like “this guy, this guy makes me forget how to count…” or “he wore a light orange shirt today, who the hell looks good in light orange? He does! He looked delish and I just wanted to lick him!…” Sleep deprivation is a bit like being drunk, but still okay, because if he open ed his mouth to talk about the numbers again he may have thrown himself out the window instead.

“Which guy?” Michelle and Ha dropped what they were doing and looked at Matthew greedily, desperately hoping for something different to sustain them through this painful season. And Matthew, in an equally desperate need to distract himself and not thinking that this would turn into a  problem, let them convince him to pull up the staff directory and click ‘7th floor’ to look at every single staff photograph until they found his mystery man.

“I hope his surname isn’t Zembiro or something, it’ll take us forever!” Michelle had wailed. Ha laughed with her while Matthew blushed, all smiles, enjoying their harmless game as he clicked on another name, and then the picture. Arthur, their manager, looked over from his cubicle on the opposite side of their section at the noise, but went back to his work. That was the good thing about Arthur, he stayed with you, even if he did micromanage a little. The three smiled sheepishly and ducked back down.

“It’s not Hunter David.” Matthew confirmed with a more careful whisper, closing the window and moving onto ‘Daan deBoer, Manager’ and not expecting any kind of success, except...

“Matthew? Matthew come back to us!” Ha waved her hand in front of Matthew’s blushing face and didn’t get a response. “Well, I guess we found him, let’s see.”

Files and numbers forgotten, Michelle and Ha leaned so close to the laptop screen that Matthew was worried they’d disappear through it, like some cliche horror story.

“Really?” Michelle scoffed, sounding disappointed.

“What?” Matthew felt oddly defensive about his taste here.

“I mean…he just looks…mean.” She finally answered, leaning back with a huff of disappointed. Ha was still looking.

“You don’t even know him.” Matthew lamely defended (and neither do you, a little sleepy voice told himself but he ignored it). “And it’s not fair to judge someone on appearance alone.”

“No, it’s just…come on Matthew, he has a scar on his face, he looks like a Bond villain, how does he even win clients? Does he scare them into signing contracts?”

“I know of him!” Ha yells, which is actually uncharacteristic for her. “He’s the guy who won the two-point-five-million bid from Honda Corp! He’s like…CEO Honda Kiku’s only friend.” She managed to spit out. Matthew feels his jaw drop and Michelle does the same. Two-point-five million on one bid? Assurance rarely pulled in those kinds of numbers with just one project, but the nature of their work was completely different.

“What on earth is going on here?!” Arthur is stomping over with a particularly stormy look on his face and Matthew gulps.

“Uh, sorry Arthur, we’re mostly done we just needed a break. The numbers were starting to…”

“Blur together.” Arthur finished for him. He shakes his head and runs a hand through messy hair before sharpening his gaze at Matthew’s laptop screen. “Why is there so much noise here over Daan?”

Silence. Matthew can feel burning embarrassment overwhelm him and Michelle opens and closes her mouth several times, trying to think of some lie or excuse for him. But they’re auditors, they’re not supposed to lie and they’re too inexperienced to do it well so Arthur finally chuckles.

“Really? Daan? That’s what you all like?”

Matthew is now aware of two shaking heads and a set of hands indicating him and he feels warmer, if that was possible. “Traitors.” He can’t help but mutter, but it’s 3.15am so who cares about discretion?

Arthur just looks at him, shocked and amused. “Have you even met him?”

“No! And I don’t need to! Really Arthur, sorry for disrupting everything it’s just, we needed a break, I saw someone in the elevator, we got curious, it’s...just can we all forget about this? Please?”

Arthur sighs and shrugs. “Office crushes help us get through the day I suppose.” There’s confusion in his tone. “Daan is...good at his job.” Arthur adds lamely, as if he can’t think of any other compliment to pay him but Matthew can detect a certain jealousy there. He’s somewhat grateful that Arthur is gamely trying to cover up whatever he personally thinks of the man so that his own Associates can have their distraction, but it doesn’t look like Arthur hates Daan the way he growls about Francis, their Partner. “Uh...he has a particular type of...mercenary fairness to him?”

“Arthur! Stop please it’s okay!” Matthew is ready to die of embarrassment now, waving his hands in front of his manager to get him to stop. “I really don’t need to know anything about him, I just...you know what? I’m awake again! Let’s finish these numbers and go home.”

Michelle doesn’t seem to hear him as she adds. “Tall, scarred, and brooding is not going to be just a Manager very long if he keeps pulling in numbers like that…”

He wasn’t. Daan deBoer’s rise to Partner turned out to be the fastest in the firm. Matthew somehow knew that whatever quality it was that Daan possessed that enabled him to do that, was at the root of Arthur’s personal hesitance to fully endorse the man. Still, it didn’t stop Arthur from transferring and joining Daan’s team two-years later when he finally left Francis’ and joined Advisory as an Associate Director. Daan promoted him soon after that, so there was some kind of grudging respect between the two at least.

However, since that fateful night, news of Matthew’s crush spread like wildfire amongst his own team (but thankfully not beyond that), because he finds emails from his colleagues linking to news articles that mention Daan deBoer. His phone gets sent messages with pictures of Daan from the firm’s sports day, looking particularly sweaty and good after the football match between Advisory and Tax. Michelle sends a picture of him cycling on the weekend with another laughing and blond gorgeous man (she puts a sad face emoticon afterwards). Matthew can actually live with that but it goes too far when Francis, the PARTNER in charge of his own team, sends him pictures of Daan shopping at the grocery store, clearly taken without the other man’s knowledge, since apparently they live in the same neighborhood, or at drinks sessions with other Partners. It never stops - Matthew’s team has decided that Daan deBoer is their personal distraction from work, and apparently they find Matthew’s blushing too amusing so they’re stalking deBoer for him, even though Matthew constantly tells them not to…it’s creepy. But because it doesn’t happen often, the warnings are left alone for months before some other stressful excuse begins and before Matthew knows it, he’s deleting new pictures from his phone.

He saves one though. Francis has managed to take a rather lovely picture of Daan deBoer looking at a bouquet of tulips in the store with a soft, faraway look. Matthew doesn’t feel right having it but every time he tries to do the right thing, his thumb hovers over the ‘delete’ button and the look on deBoer’s face makes him pause for too long.

Arthur’s email has three exclamation points next to it in his inbox, so out of habit, Matthew opens it first. Since Arthur’s transfer to Advisory, Matthew had prayed that Arthur never got drunk in front of his new colleagues and reveal his crush on Daan fucking deBoer or the strange fixation that Francis’ team had on him thanks to Matthew.

The email is short and not particularly sweet or salty, which means that Arthur is in a rush -

From: <Arthur Kirkland, DIRECTOR, ADV> <arthur.kirkland@pked.ca> To: <Matthew Williams, MANAGER, ASSUR> <matthew.williams@pked.ca> Cc: <Francis Bonnefoy, PARTNER, ASSUR> <francis.bonnefoy@pked.ca>

Subject: Project Oberon 2017 Proposal

URGENT

‘Need your updated CV for this proposal NOW - meeting in an hour to discuss’

“Project Oberon” - it is such a codename that Arthur would come up with. Proposals were given code names to protect potential client identities in case anyone carelessly spoke about work in public, and it was always fascinating to Matthew to see peoples’ naming preferences.

Right now though, Matthew looks at his watch and frowns, he hates last minute proposals and meetings but he’s lucky because he’s just finished the major audits and there’s a slight breathing space before it starts up again. It’s also curious and oddly exciting, Arthur has never invited him to a proposal meeting before, conflicting interests usually kept Advisory and Assurance working apart out of legal necessity and he’s not sure what’s going on with this but...if he can get some of his team members into this potential Advisory-led project, he can get his associates rare valuable experience in case they want the option to transfer departments later. Besides, he may not like how obnoxious the consultants are but it never hurts to have more friends in the firm. When Matthew finishes the necessary updates and sends it to Arthur, he notices another email from the man. ‘Congratulations on making manager. See you next week.’

Next week? Oh, the training course for new managers that was mandatory to attend.

Twenty minutes later after Matthew has sent his proposal CV over, along with some team members for consideration, Matthew is happily sipping his coffee as he checks his course registration details, noting who his classmates will be - training is easier when you know who you’ll be working with. Eduard from IT security services is going to be there, Yong Soo the new transfer from Korea who was joining the MNC team …it all looked quite pleasant actually until he read the name of one of the instructors for Day 3.

Matthew spit out hot coffee in horror at his computer screen even as he dropped the contents of the mug on his shirt and pants in horror. “Oh no…OH CRAP NO!” Matthew scrambles to save his computer from his coffee, turning it upside down and shaking the liquid out.

“Matthew?” Francis pops his head out of his office, wondering what has Matthew of all people, making such a commotion, his eyes widen.

“Ah, sorry boss, just had a little accident with the coffee, trying to save myself from a three-thousand dollar fine.” These crap laptops were not worth that much but that was IT policy for you.

Francis is an amiable Partner, known for being a genius but somewhat eccentric. The arguments between him and Arthur were stuff of legend because of that (well, and also because Arthur was his own brand of eccentric) - Matthew still remembers an audit file hurled so hard against the glass door that it had cracked (no one knew who threw the file) so it was a miracle they worked together for as long as they had. Still, Francis was fair to them, evidenced by still promoting Arthur after the file incident. Francis is full of energy and surprisingly patient and hands on when it comes to his team. He treats them to dinner after they finish every project (which is often Francis loves to cook and his wife Jeanne is such a wonderful lady that they love spending any time with her), gives honest heart-to-hearts when their morale gets too low, and he actually takes the time to get to know who they are as individuals - time that Partners don’t usually have. He has even spent weekends helping to tutor his more junior staff with their certification exams. However, Matthew has heard that once you become a manager, the kid gloves come off in a serious way. Matthew has just become a manager. Matthew is covered in coffee and may have ruined his computer that has EVERY piece of client work on it even though he’s backed up his files. It’s where he accesses the global databases and collaborative spaces, and files and...Shit.

“Take that thing down to IT before it actually becomes a mess.” Francis suggests. “And Arthur CCed me in on that email - get this sorted out quick because that proposal meeting is in a half hour and I need you there.”

Francis goes back into his room and Matthew bites back a groan.

IT says he’s lucky, it looks like no harm is done but they’ll keep it for a few hours anyway. The coffee has since cooled and Matthew feels sticky and disgusting. He does his best with the remaining five minutes he has in the bathroom to wash out the stain but now his shirt is wet. Shaking his head in hopelessness, Matthew calls Arthur from the privacy of the empty bathroom, hoping he can get a reprieve. No one else has a change of clothes that will fit and suddenly Matthew is irrationally upset at himself for actually being physically active and well, fit. But walking into his first meeting with those brash consultants while wet and bedraggled, and smelling of old coffee is a nightmare scenario to him. Matthew doesn’t care about what the consultants think about him and yet he does. He’s going there to represent his team, and represent Arthur’s trust in him…and he can’t even do that right.

Arthur doesn’t pick up, probably in discussion or who knows what. Matthew can’t just text him and not show up or leave without a word though, so he does what he’s always done, even with the tide of doubt in his head. He straightens his shoulders, takes a few deep breaths and prepares for battle.

The 7th floor is loud. That’s the first thing Matthew notices when he steps into their workspace. They’re yelling over cubicle walls at each other, laughing so loudly they can be heard from the other side of the floor, pacing or sitting on desks as they’re in discussion. Everything is flashier and some of these junior associates are wearing clothes that Matthew doesn’t feel like he can afford even now. He’s been to this floor before of course, twice before for quick errands and once to put a birthday present on Arthur’s desk in the wee hours of morning, but never in the state he’s in now. Entering the 7th floor also comes with a heightened sense of awareness. He’s always on the lookout for his Mr 7th floor, but thankfully has never run into him when he’s been here. It finally occurs to him for the first time since he’s received Arthur’s email that Arthur is on Daan’s team. Shit. He doesn’t know the worth of this proposal though, and chances are, unless it’s worth millions, Daan won’t be bothered with it and will be travelling or doing whatever it is that Partners do.

Matthew just shakes his head, takes a deep breath and goes to find the meeting room that was indicated in the email. He opens the door to find a flurry of voices - other consultants getting their computers set up, passing notes, drawing diagrams and timelines on the whiteboard. Arthur is deep in discussion with...of course.

Matthew wants to strangle them all, right here, right now, out of the embarrassment he feels. Arthur and Francis especially because there was no way they didn’t know, and granted, he should have known too but surely someone could have teased him to remind him? Actually, Arthur didn’t know that Matthew was covered in coffee and a sticky wet shirt, but Francis did. What had Matthew ever done to deserve this level of torture? The teasing had been exasperating before sure but always light hearted. This? This was too much.

Before too long, Daan deBoer’s gaze lazily moves over to him, then the man’s eyes widen and he does a double take. Matthew opens his mouth to explain but his Mr 7th floor beats him to it with a smirk and biting sarcasm.

“No one told me we changed the dress code and started allowing wet-shirt Wednesdays.”

As the younger team members burst out in laughter, Matthew feels his face heat up and his insides twisting. He also feels a cold fury at Mr fucking 7th floor and wishes he was never shallow enough to find the man attractive, but he still does because Mr 7th floor is and he has a deep and sexy voice to boot. He wishes his team let him forget about this stupid crush rather than encourage it, he wishes that it hadn’t escalated to the point where the man’s name and thought of meeting him would make him spill his own coffee...especially when he was going to meet the man that day anyway without even knowing it and find out that he was an asshole. Because yes, he may be covered in coffee and walking in here with pride but if Matthew saw someone like that walk into a room, he’d know that this person was having a crappy day and he’d go find a jacket or something.

Somehow the fury pushes Matthew forward with a hand extended, “Don’t get used to it, enjoy it while it lasts.” He bites out, before realizing what he’s saying, but hopefully he’s too angry for it to sound...wrong. Daan deBoer straightens himself, eyebrows raised in surprise as he shakes Matthew’s hand, even as the rest of the room bursts out into louder laughter and guffaws. Being in a room full of consultants is eerily reminiscent of spending any time with his brother Alfred, and somehow that calms Matthew down. He can handle these guys, he just has to mentally imagine that he’s dealing with a room full of Alfreds.

God help him.

Apparently acting like an ass to an asshole Partner is step one of getting by in Advisory because Daan deBoer just chuckles and nods. “Nice to meet you too Matthew. Just call me Daan.”

His brain is dangerously close to short-circuiting in its confusion over Matthew’s emotional state right now, so he tries to focus it. Had he even introduce himself? Daan doesn’t give him time to think about it though because he turns to the room. “Everyone, this is Matthew Williams from Assurance, he’s from Arthur’s old team and he’s the expert on Maplecorp. Arthur’s the lead for this proposal.” He gestures at Arthur and Arthur steps forward to whip some focus into this room - Matthew recognizes that expression and the set of Arthur’s chin when he’s in this mode.

“Right,” He says in his usual no-nonsense tone. “Maplecorp is expanding out into Europe, they plan to do it in a big way in a period of just one year. Why are we bidding? Because they dropped us as their auditors last year, so we finally can. Remember, we need to make ourselves distinct from the competition, and realistically speaking, there’s nothing that really separates us from them except,” He puts a firm hand on Matthew’s shoulder “We know them better than anyone else. They’re looking at buying over...”

Daan doesn’t stay long. Partners oversee several external and internal interests at once, but he also isn’t going home until they get a working draft to him that evening. This is in fact, the type of multi-million-dollar proposal that makes Daan deBoer feel uncharacteristically generous...according to his reputation anyway. The moment he leaves, the first of the team members to approach him is Jack, a jovial looking Manager from Daan’s team with a plaster over his nose and an odd resemblance to Arthur in the brows. He looks a little too happy but this thing about people brimming with barely suppressed and oddly hyper energy seems to be the norm here. “Hey there Matthew! I got my gym wear at my desk, I think we’re about the same size?” Matthew let out a breath of relief that he didn’t even know he was holding, a once over confirmed to Matthew that he should fit into whatever clothes Jack could offer. He follows him out to an odd corner and sees Daan’s room behind glass walls. The Partner is holding his cellphone to his ear, his back to the office, looking out his window, but somehow radiating tension in the way he’s standing. Since Daan can’t see him, Matthew risks a look, taking in as much as he can before turning to Jack. Daan’s desk is sparse, only the laptop is on it, but there’s a happy-looking bouquet of tulips on the corner of the desk, another on the shelf in front of the window, a few bronzed awards, a wooden ship on a back shelf with books and an antique-looking map framed up on the wall. There are photo frames that Matthew can’t quite make out but he’s a little surprised at how...warm that room actually looks. It’s the flowers that do that.

“Don’t worry about returning these today,” Jack smiles. “I’d hate to be stuck in wet clothes all day and we are going to have a loooong day.”

Matthew nods grimly. Proposals were intense and taxing in all the wrong ways - win none and all the people relying on you couldn’t work. But to actually win one...you had to go through hell and back and lay your soul on the table...at least that’s how it felt. A proposal was usually a week’s worth of work squished into a few days, and unpredictable - new ideas and concepts changed so quickly that the moment you thought you were done you had to start all over again. Hunting down the right talent to throw into the team makeup or get the right advice sometimes led to phone calls across the world, and you having to wait for these people to wake up. At the end of it all, the potential client could just reject you, and all your work wouldn’t come to anything...yet. Matthew just feels like he’s unfairly judgemental of the process because it taps on his more sensitive anxieties - giving someone else the power to judge him and his worth, to dismiss his sweat and blood to call it unworthy or expensive. It was like a dating auction gone wrong with a whole bunch of legal concerns thrown in but…

Matthew looks around on his way to the men’s room at the young and eager associates sitting at their laptops and making phone calls and realizes that this is how they earn their living. Arthur, Francis and countless of others had gone through this pain over and over again just so Matthew and others like him could work and grow. It was his turn to give back.

He returns from the bathroom dressed in a clean yellow rugby jersey with green accents, a wallaby and an Australian crest on green, where Jack was from, Matthew assumed - and shorts that run to his knees. It feels odd at first thanks to the firm’s usual strict dress code, but he tells himself he’s got extenuating circumstances and he’s not meeting any clients today - nope, just a room full of consultants.  

“Matthew, Daan wants a word.” Jack grins when Matthew returns his bag to him. “I’ll see you back in the project room.”

Matthew bites the inside of his cheek. Daan wants a word. He quickly messages Michelle that she’s welcome to his music collection if she never sees him again, before striding into Daan’s room with more courage than he feels. “You wanted a word with me?”

Daan is sitting in his chair now, leaned back slightly with those gorgeous long legs elegantly crossed. He’s not looking at Matthew yet, he’s distracted by something on his screen, a finger tapping his chin as he’s thinking of...something. Those green eyes flicker to him and his expression transforms to one that is more amicable. Matthew would believe it if he didn’t notice the stiffness still apparent in the man’s shoulders. “Matthew,” he smiles. “Have a seat.”

Stiff shoulders or no, death knell or no, Matthew has to fight the swoon over that smile. He sits and waits.

“I realize that what I said back there could be...misconstrued. I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

It took a second for Matthew to put what Daan was saying together. “Oh...” He trails off, not quite sure what ‘misconstrued’ means exactly in this context, it could mean a lot of things, but the asshole part of it wasn’t really, wait... ‘wet-shirt Wednesdays’, and what he himself had said after...oh, OH. “I was joking too! I mean...” It’s too late to take the words back because Daan is looking at him searchingly. “I mean I was pissed off but...I didn’t think that you were being forward or sleazy or anything like that. Please don’t worry about it.”

Daan’s expression hasn’t changed and Matthew feels like he’s being picked apart and assessed, which Partners tend to do, so this is an all too familiar anxiety for him.

“I pissed you off.” Daan eventually says, interested. “If you didn’t think I was being inappropriate, what else was it?”

Matthew can’t quite believe he has to explain it, but tries to wave the concern away anyway. Then he remembers his Teamwork training course from a year ago, ‘Don’t expect people to act as you would, put yourself into their shoes’. “I had a deceptively good morning,” Matthew tries to explain, “Which was quickly burned away by my own clumsiness and terror for my work laptop, which is still with IT at this moment. Then walking into a room to meet a lot of new people for the first time, representing Francis’ team, but covered in coffee and water and feeling sticky didn’t have me at my best, then you called me out on it, it was just…I was trying to make a joke rather than jump down your throat about my morning. I feel I would have responded differently, if I were in your shoes, and do what Jack eventually did. But I know that isn’t fair, we’re all different and I owe you an apology as well.”

Daan is looking at him again with that assessing look but nods. “I see. Well I can see how helping someone instead of joking with them may have gone down better for a first-time meeting. No apology needed. ”

Matthew is grateful that the issue seems mostly resolved. “I promise Daan I’m usually more...put together than this.” He doesn’t even realize he’s smiling with relief until he notices Daan is smiling back at him, more relaxed now that he’s not dealing with getting reported for sexual harassment.

“Don’t worry about it Matthew, we all have our off days.” Daan shrugs, eyes twinkling even if his smile is...it looks like he’s fighting to keep it from full-blown amusement. “And don’t worry about making a good impression here.” There silence for a beat before Daan quickly adds “Arthur’s known to be picky. I look forward to seeing what you all come up with tonight.”

That’s a dismissal if he’s ever heard one and Matthew doesn’t want to sit in there any longer than he absolutely has to. He smiles and leaves.

The moment he turns around though, he grimaces, grateful that the desks in this part of the floor are mostly empty. He hurries back to the project room and checks his messages.

Matthew: If I die, you can have my music collection Shell: ?? Shell: ??????? Shell: OMG Francis just told me you’re with Arthur and you’re gonna be there all day! Shell: IS 7TH FLOOR THERE?! IS HE HOT?! Shell: Of course you find him hot, ARE YOU TALKING TO HIM? Shell: HAS HE SPLAYED YOU OUT ON HIS DESK NAKED AN-

Matthew rips his eyes from his phone and silences her notifications. He absolutely refuses to read anything she’s going to send him today.

The brainstorming session goes well, and before too long, Matthew finds that working in comfortable clothes lets him relax in a way he never could before. It allows him to build an easy camaraderie with the giggling and exuberant consultants of the 7th floor, who all seem to be eager to take a liking to him.

Michelle is positively buzzing at the news that Matthew has FINALLY met the infamous Mr 7th floor. She’s even more excited at the prospect that Matthew may even end up on a project with Daan and even if he doesn’t...he’ll be seeing Daan during his training.

“No I won’t.” Matthew confidently responds.

“Are you skipping this round of training?” Michelle looks confused.

“No, but there are 50 new managers and 5 instructors on day three. Class will be split up between them for that simulation and Daan is an Advisory Partner. He’ll take the Advisory managers. I’ll probably end up with Yekatarina or Timo.” He reasoned, naming the Assurance Partners who were also involved with the week-long training.

Michelle just gave him a searching look and a wink. “Well I think the universe has finally gotten tired of your pining. Twenty bucks. I bet you twenty bucks you’ll be assigned to Daan deBoer.”

Matthew laughed and shook her hand. Easiest twenty he’ll ever get.

Matthew ows Michelle twenty bucks. He is also going to die because manager training Advisory style involves a lot of talking and sitting too damn close around a small round table to the object of his (still, unfortunately) affection, and Matthew... this was funny when it was an unreachable crush but now Daan is a PARTNER and not just any partner but possibly the lead Partner on a project he is going to be working on anytime soon and oh God why the fuck are there only a handful of these Advisory people to distract him and why are they all so damn giddy all the time? He understands that they share a floor and they all already knew each other, making him the odd one out but do they all have to look like they’re in on a joke that he has no idea about?

Daan for his part is stiff and stern, which didn’t surprise Matthew at all. The last time he had seen Daan with any kind of light heart was the wet shirt incident. His sternness didn’t seem to have much of an effect on these new managers though. Training is good and all but…

Matthew summons his courage and stays back after everyone else has packed up for the day. Daan is wearing that fucking orange shirt - a shade so light that it is almost unnoticeable but it makes him look fresh.

“Daan, why am I here? I didn’t apply for a transfer to Advisory.” Because honestly, there are few reasons he is the only non-Advisory manager here.

Daan nods but didn’t stop what he’s doing - staring at his phone with a frown before pocketing it and looking at Matthew. “What do you think of it so far though?”

Matthew shrugs. “I prefer the stability of audit, I think my associates wouldn’t give me as much trouble as the stories I’m hearing today and you can afford to pay my department for my time if we really do win Project Oberon.”

That smirk graces Dawn’s face again. “Has Francis been complaining about how cheap I am again? He's not the one who can talk.”

Matthew sighs. The firm encouraged cross-departmental projects and learning but had set up a cost structure where departments had to pay each other to use each other’s team members, it led to friction at times when people were tempted to other teams, but Matthew knew that the structure also created an incentive within the firm to share opportunities.

“No one complained.” Matthew lies. “I just like my own team, we're a close bunch.”

“Francis does a good job of fostering a team community.” Daan acknowledges. “And he doesn't fight to promote someone as quickly as he has you, usually, without a good reason. You have a lot of potential and we like potential and diversity in advisory, we’re always looking for the best. No pressure, but just consider it? You'll have a better springboard for yourself here, more diversity of work, better recognition and pay…” He trailed off and looked away, somewhat distracted by something and Matthew had this strange feeling that Daan wasn’t as sure himself, if Matthew belonged in Advisory, as his words imply.

Matthew put on the most polite smile he can muster. “You haven’t even seen me work. Not really.”

“Proposals are work.” Daan responds almost immediately, but Matthew is still suspicious.

“Well, thanks...but I’m happy staying where I am right now. If I change my mind…”

“You know where to find me.” The tone is so sure and encouraging, eyes warm, matching the small smile fighting its way to stay that way. It is completely at odds with his demeanour just a moment earlier. Well, Daan isn’t wrong, Matthew does know where to find him.

Does he ever.

More notes:

PK&DE is a spoof of the four current ‘Big4’ accounting/professional service firms: PwC, KPMG, Deloitte and Ernst & Young. These are known for providing armies of auditors (who mostly belong to a giant service called ‘Assurance’) who make sure that companies aren’t lying to the public, management consulting services (under a service called ‘Advisory’) who make money by advising companies on how they can work better and lose less money and Tax advisory services (under ‘Tax’) who help people navigate complex tax rules. There are other services but those are the main ones.

Real-life rankings between the firms vary by firm and even then, by country. Vaguely, PK&DE’s ranks are:

Associate (entry level) Senior Associate Assistant Manager Manager (considered first level of management) Associate Director Director Partner (junior) Partner (profit-sharing)

Matthew is fast-tracked like whoa - him making manager in three years is so not the norm (people tend to spend at least two years at the AM level alone even if they perform well). 

Daan and Arthur are also fast-tracked promotion wise and Francis is older. 

P.S. If you’re curious what the Wallaby rugby jersey looks like (is it too much of a spoiler if I ask you to pay attention to how form fitting it is? Probably).

[hawkeyedflame]

So I was tagged for this forever ago by Robyn (@the-heart-alchemist), Marilyn (@haganenobeato), and Camila (@didsomeonesayroyai) and now I’ve finally recording it! I totally didn’t put it off because I hate the sound of my voice or anything. I rambled a lot so I put the abridged answers below.

Tell me about you!

1. Where are you from? Rural Massachusetts, but I live in Boston now.

2. Do you like the manga, brotherhood, or 03 best? I like the manga events the best, but I think part of that is because I watched Brotherhood first, so when I read the manga I could really hear the characters’ voices. I guess Mangahood overall is my favorite, though I do like 03 for what it is.

3. When did you get into the series? I’m a latecomer, I didn’t watch it until December 2016 even though people have been urging me to watch it since 2013. @schnee-dust-co and @the-heart-alchemist are mainly responsible for getting me into it.

4. Do you create anything for the fandom (fanart, gifs, amv’s, songs, fanfiction, etc.)? I write one-shots sometimes but I have yet to really commit to something big. I feel like a lot of the ideas I could have are already beaten to death because of how old the fandom is, but I still itch to write anyways. I also try to draw but I’m not very good at it.

Fullmetally questions:

1. Who’s your favorite character and why? (Try to keep as low as three.) Good god I mean, if you can’t tell from my blog my favorite two are Riza Hawkeye and Roy Mustang. After them I honestly...don’t know.

2. Would you want to be an Alchemist, join the military, or work on automail? I would probably want to be an alchemist, although I wouldn’t mind being in the Amestrian military. Automail is too mechanical-ey for me.

3. Any OTP’s? I mean if I could only pick one OTP from all my fandoms it would be Royai. I ship all the canon ships, but none of them come close to Royai.

4. List some of your favorite fics or amv’s. Oh boy I...there’s so many! Too many to list but the first ones that come to mind are Until Tomorrow by @rizascupcakes, which was the first one I ever read; Here Dead We Lie by mebh, which continues to hurt my soul; literally everything by @the-flame-and-hawks-eye, Reverberations by Antigone Rex (she says she’s going to finish it too!); The Elemental Chess Trilogy by @ladynorbert, which is one of my favorite gen series; and a bunch of other one-shots and multichaps by various people and I’m sorry but I really can’t list all of them because omigod there’s so many amazing writers for this fandom!!! (I promise that even if I didn’t name you but I’ve read your FMA fics I love and appreciate you a lot!!!)

5. Where would you want to live in their universe? Probably somewhere outside of East City. Resembool is a little too rural for me but the city proper is too urban. Somewhere in between would be nice.

6. Which way do you prefer the death of the Rockbells, mangahood or 03? Mangahood 100%. I feel like, as a plot point, it kind of fell flat in 03. Like, Winry found out and then...nothing really came of it? I don’t know, I feel like it was much more important to the plot and to Winry and Scar’s character development in Mangahood. I feel like, in 03, it gave us a good foundation for Roy’s characterization but never really drove him forward when the truth came out.

7. Moments that made you cry? How about moments that made you laugh? Good god I’m a complete wimp and I cried at the second episode and every single emotional moment on my first watch through. Rewatching, Al yelling at Ed after Scar almost kills him in Rain of Sorrows gets me, as does Roy crying in Separate Destinations, Riza’s breakdown in Death of the Undying, the entire Roy/Riza altercation in Beyond the Inferno, Ling crying and begging for someone to help him save Fu, Al transmuting his soul to bring Ed’s arm back, and Edward crying and yelling at Hohenheim. idk why I pronounced Hohenheim so weirdly in my recording?? For moments that made me laugh, pretty much anytime Ed or Roy are getting picked on makes me laugh.

8. How do you feel about Roy Mustang’s decision to use the Philosopher’s Stone? I understand why he did it and I hope that the events of the Promised Day helped forge some sort of understanding between himself and the people of Ishval so that they can rebuild Ishval together. I know Roy has a good heart and I sincerely believe the only thing in his mind when he accepted Marcoh’s offer was that having his eyesight restored would help him fix things.

9. Make up a question for the people you tag! I think everyone has done this by now so I’m not going to tag anyone! :(

Robyn’s question: What is your favorite quote from the FMA series? Hmm that’s hard but a couple are: “The one thing worse than death is to avert your eyes from it. Look straight at the people you kill. Don't take your eyes off them for a second. And don't ever forget them, because I promise that they won't forget you.” “You scum sit back and safely watch the battlefield as if it were some kind of spectator sport. You don’t know anything about sacrifice and yet you’re the first to talk about its necessity.” And of course, “I can’t afford to lose you.”

Marilyn’s question: How would you feel having your soul attached to a suit of armor? I like food and sleeping way too much so I don’t think I’d enjoy that.

Camila’s question: What was your favorite aspect of the series (like character development, plot development, humor, fights, romance, etc)? I mean I want to talk about how much I love how deep and complicated each character is but if I’m being honest the thing that keeps me coming back to the series time and time again is Royai and I can’t help it.

(Sorry about that suuuper awkward ending, my roommates and their friends all came back from wherever they had gone off to right around when I started answering the question from Robyn so I got all flustered because the walls in my apartment are super thin.)

[scotwresnet]

Firstly I’d just like to take this opportunity to remember both Shad Gaspard and Hana Kimura. Both taken tragically early from us. My thoughts go out to all those who are grieving their loss at this sad time and I’d like to dedicate this article to both of them.

I’d also just like to start this edition of SWN Behind the Art by saying that when I initially started doing this series I had no real idea about what direction I was heading in. It probably showed and probably still does but I think I finally now know what I am aiming to do. I feel that within the last couple of editions you can see huge improvements and my aim is to keep getting better. What I’m trying to show you with these articles is wrestling from a different perspective. Whether it’s interviewing wrestlers and letting them show another side to themselves that you wouldn’t normally see whilst watching them in the ring or just getting a fans perspective of what turns you on and excites you in the wrestling world, I hope this section of the Scottish Wrestling Network website is just as welcome an addition to your consumption of pro wrestling content as all the rest. What I’m really trying to say is thank you for reading my articles and I hope they are providing you with some sort of entertainment and maybe some inspiration in your own life. Thank you.

But that’s enough from me… let’s move on to the main event…

I can’t tell you just how much of a pleasure it was speaking to this wonderful woman. I talked to her over a period of time and a couple of the final questions in this interview were only answered recently with recent events sadly in mind. I admire and thank Aivil for the strength of feeling with which she expresses herself and highly admire her sentiments. Thank you Aivil.

Photo credit Sandy Smith Photography

–

She’s an artist inside the ring and loves to create outside of it too. I’m so lucky and thrilled to be able to bring you a very special interview with former and, no doubt in my mind, future ICW Women’s Champion Aivil.

I won’t ask you to introduce yourself Aivil because those who don’t know who you are by now should be ashamed of themselves and should go right out and research you work right away. But can you give us a brief biography of where you come from and about how you came to be residing in Scotland.

Hi everyone, thank you for your kind words, but in reality I’m not that special. Just a regular freaky monster 🙂

I was born in Italy and lived there the majority of my life. I moved to Scotland in 2016 for working reasons and with the dream of continuing my wrestling training with some of the very best wrestlers in Europe.

Great. Thank you. Now, Italy has such a rich and illustrious art history doesn’t it? Art must rub of on just about everyone there. I understand you like to draw. What kind of things do you like to draw?

I’ve always been a very creative person. My imagination always runs wild and literally everything (a song, an object, a colour, a person etc) can turn into the most unexpected source of inspiration for me. I like to let my instinct and emotions drive me through everything I do, so my drawings vary a lot.

I love to draw comics and fantasy characters, cyborgs and monsters, but I also like to do portraits, to draw flowers, fashion outfits and there was a time I was also into tattoos sketches.

Nice. Do you have any particular favourite artists? And what about them or their work inspires you?

I love Paolo Barbieri’s art, his elegant trait, the colours, the curves and his ability to improvise on everything. If you guys have never heard of him, go check his art out. It’s stunning! And he’s Italian like me!

To be honest with you, there are so many contemporary artists I love, just to mention a few of them: Kiyo Kyujyo, Luis Royo, Victoria Francés, Xiao Fan Chuan… like I could spend the whole day mentioning artists as I read so many manga and illustrated comics too that it is easy to come up with names. Referring to more classic art, I’ve always loved the colours and the technique of the Impressionists and the perfect proportions and details of the Neoclassicism.

I’d like to touch on your love of manga and comics later on if that’s ok because I understand you like to write also but first I’d like to ask you about your in ring persona. Wrestling is a major art form in itself. It requires a lot of skills that wouldn’t be out of place in say dance or ballet as well as contact sports and it incorporates all the theatricality of acting also. With that being said you include an extra special aspect to your character don’t you? Tell us about your face paint. When and how did that all begin? Has it become a ritual in your performance? And where do you get the inspiration from?

There was never a day I wrestled without my face paint on. For me it’s like wearing a mask that allows me to kick my shyness away for awhile and create that relationship with the crowd that’s so essential in what we do. We are athletes and also storytellers. If we don’t engage with the crowd we’re partially failing as wrestlers. Even though I look very confident from the outside, I have many insecurities. The face paint is a brilliant method, at least for me, to cope with insecurity and let my spirit free.

My inspiration might come from everything around me. Of course, being a clown and a demon priestess, my main inspirations are fellow freaks and Gothic creatures. Paxxo and I, back in the days, took part in a project called Painted for War, where we asked our friends and fans to help us find a character to inspire our next wrestling make up. I think my favourite one to do was Scar, from the Lion King.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

You mentioned clown and demon priestess there. Just how did Jokey and Aivil come about?

Both Aivil and Jokey are fragments of my personality. Of course I took inspiration from books, movies and fantasy characters to create my outfits and build up the gimmicks, but they are part of who I already am. That’s why I feel comfortable showing their colours in the ring. It’s a matter of finding yourself along the journey and not being afraid to show it to the world. Your light, your darkness, your clumsiness, your grace, your faults and your strength points. This is also why it’s important for everybody to remember one thing: beyond the character and the masks we are all human beings, just like you. We might be your superheroes or the best villains on the planet, but we are also people. Words affect us the same way they do with you. Please allow me to use this platform to spread a message of love and support. We, the wrestlers, always try to be at our best for our fans, no matter how difficult our life may be. We perform to deliver you joy, emotions and memories. You are allowed to have an opinion, to like us or not. But remember, you can express your thoughts and be respectful at the same time. We are trying our best. Be kind. Don’t wait till it’s too late to show affection and love. And this last statement goes for everyone.

I couldn’t agree with you more and feel free to express anything you want to say here. That’s no problem at all. You said that you like to read manga and comic books, and like to draw fantasy characters. Are you into writing about them also? You like to write don’t you? What does the act of writing give you?

I do love writing. I am currently working on a book to be honest. I started this project years ago, when I was a teenager. It all began as a way to escape from a reality I wasn’t fitting in. Many things happened since that day and then I left the project aside, for lack of time and inspiration. I wasn’t ready to finish the story, to close that chapter of my life. Recently, during the quarantine, I gathered some courage and I started to go through everything I wrote again and again. It needed some sort of editing, as I have changed through the years and so did my writing and my thoughts about life.

I also write short stories and I find very useful to take notes on my feelings or special life circumstances. As I previously mentioned, when I was around 18 years old I fell in a very dark place. I suffered a lot and it was hard to just think about waking up and be ready to live another day of my life. Writing, among other activities like singing and drawing, helped me be brave and strong enough when all I wanted was to lie on the floor and close my eyes for good. It hurts talking about this, but I am glad you are allowing me to share my experience and my love for writing, because maybe I will be able to reach other people who are suffering the same way and somehow help them. Even just by letting them know they are not alone and there is someone who can understand how they feel.

How important do you think art and self expression is to mental well-being?

Art in general is a beautiful way to express your feelings and get rid of all the negativity that piles up in your brain and in your heart.

It could be any form of art. The simple act of expressing yourself freely will let you feel softer and happier, trust me. Don’t be scared of showing your colours to the world. There is nothing wrong in art.

Sometimes we have to carry heavy burdens, you know. And it gets harder and harder. If you keep everything inside, you will eventually explode. I did. Multiple times.

So whenever you feel the fire burning inside your head and you feel thorns in your heart, let yourself free. Get rid of everything. Of the good and the bad emotions. Turn them into something special and unique. In this way they won’t crush you down. They will lift you up instead, they will empower you and everyone will be able to appreciate you throughout your artistic creations.

The most important thing to do, though, is learning how to love yourself first. And you gotta let people in at some point. Some will hurt you for sure, but that’s the only way the light comes in too. You all have that strength inside of you. Be confident and be brave. You are not alone.

I want to add one last little thing. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing interest in my art and letting me talk about such critical and delicate matters, such as mental health and depression. These are dark times, I hope my words can reach out to a few people in need of help and support them. As my grandma taught me, love is the most powerful medicine in the world.

Thank you. Stay safe and take care of each other.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

What more can I say but thank Aivil profusely for taking the time to talk to me. It was truly an honour.

If you’d like to find out more about Aivil and I highly recommend that you do then you can go to her social media pages here:

Instagram: @twisted_priestess Twitter: @Twisted_Doll_AJ Facebook: Jokey & Aivil

And if you’d like to be featured in SWN Fan Art Corner you can send in your art to:

Instagram: @themaskedembroiderer Twitter: @TEmbroiderer Or email us ScotWresNet@gmail.com Or use the hashtags #scottishwrestlingart or #scottishwrestlingfanart

Behind The Art #16: Aivil/Jokey

Behind The Art #16: Aivil/Jokey

Behind The Art #16: Aivil/Jokey

[scottish-wrestling-network]

Firstly I’d just like to take this opportunity to remember both Shad Gaspard and Hana Kimura. Both taken tragically early from us. My thoughts go out to all those who are grieving their loss at this sad time and I’d like to dedicate this article to both of them.

I’d also just like to start this edition of SWN Behind the Art by saying that when I initially started doing this series I had no real idea about what direction I was heading in. It probably showed and probably still does but I think I finally now know what I am aiming to do. I feel that within the last couple of editions you can see huge improvements and my aim is to keep getting better. What I’m trying to show you with these articles is wrestling from a different perspective. Whether it’s interviewing wrestlers and letting them show another side to themselves that you wouldn’t normally see whilst watching them in the ring or just getting a fans perspective of what turns you on and excites you in the wrestling world, I hope this section of the Scottish Wrestling Network website is just as welcome an addition to your consumption of pro wrestling content as all the rest. What I’m really trying to say is thank you for reading my articles and I hope they are providing you with some sort of entertainment and maybe some inspiration in your own life. Thank you.

But that’s enough from me… let’s move on to the main event…

I can’t tell you just how much of a pleasure it was speaking to this wonderful woman. I talked to her over a period of time and a couple of the final questions in this interview were only answered recently with recent events sadly in mind. I admire and thank Aivil for the strength of feeling with which she expresses herself and highly admire her sentiments. Thank you Aivil.

Photo credit Sandy Smith Photography

–

She’s an artist inside the ring and loves to create outside of it too. I’m so lucky and thrilled to be able to bring you a very special interview with former and, no doubt in my mind, future ICW Women’s Champion Aivil.

I won’t ask you to introduce yourself Aivil because those who don’t know who you are by now should be ashamed of themselves and should go right out and research you work right away. But can you give us a brief biography of where you come from and about how you came to be residing in Scotland.

Hi everyone, thank you for your kind words, but in reality I’m not that special. Just a regular freaky monster 🙂

I was born in Italy and lived there the majority of my life. I moved to Scotland in 2016 for working reasons and with the dream of continuing my wrestling training with some of the very best wrestlers in Europe.

Great. Thank you. Now, Italy has such a rich and illustrious art history doesn’t it? Art must rub of on just about everyone there. I understand you like to draw. What kind of things do you like to draw?

I’ve always been a very creative person. My imagination always runs wild and literally everything (a song, an object, a colour, a person etc) can turn into the most unexpected source of inspiration for me. I like to let my instinct and emotions drive me through everything I do, so my drawings vary a lot.

I love to draw comics and fantasy characters, cyborgs and monsters, but I also like to do portraits, to draw flowers, fashion outfits and there was a time I was also into tattoos sketches.

Nice. Do you have any particular favourite artists? And what about them or their work inspires you?

I love Paolo Barbieri’s art, his elegant trait, the colours, the curves and his ability to improvise on everything. If you guys have never heard of him, go check his art out. It’s stunning! And he’s Italian like me!

To be honest with you, there are so many contemporary artists I love, just to mention a few of them: Kiyo Kyujyo, Luis Royo, Victoria Francés, Xiao Fan Chuan… like I could spend the whole day mentioning artists as I read so many manga and illustrated comics too that it is easy to come up with names. Referring to more classic art, I’ve always loved the colours and the technique of the Impressionists and the perfect proportions and details of the Neoclassicism.

I’d like to touch on your love of manga and comics later on if that’s ok because I understand you like to write also but first I’d like to ask you about your in ring persona. Wrestling is a major art form in itself. It requires a lot of skills that wouldn’t be out of place in say dance or ballet as well as contact sports and it incorporates all the theatricality of acting also. With that being said you include an extra special aspect to your character don’t you? Tell us about your face paint. When and how did that all begin? Has it become a ritual in your performance? And where do you get the inspiration from?

There was never a day I wrestled without my face paint on. For me it’s like wearing a mask that allows me to kick my shyness away for awhile and create that relationship with the crowd that’s so essential in what we do. We are athletes and also storytellers. If we don’t engage with the crowd we’re partially failing as wrestlers. Even though I look very confident from the outside, I have many insecurities. The face paint is a brilliant method, at least for me, to cope with insecurity and let my spirit free.

My inspiration might come from everything around me. Of course, being a clown and a demon priestess, my main inspirations are fellow freaks and Gothic creatures. Paxxo and I, back in the days, took part in a project called Painted for War, where we asked our friends and fans to help us find a character to inspire our next wrestling make up. I think my favourite one to do was Scar, from the Lion King.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

You mentioned clown and demon priestess there. Just how did Jokey and Aivil come about?

Both Aivil and Jokey are fragments of my personality. Of course I took inspiration from books, movies and fantasy characters to create my outfits and build up the gimmicks, but they are part of who I already am. That’s why I feel comfortable showing their colours in the ring. It’s a matter of finding yourself along the journey and not being afraid to show it to the world. Your light, your darkness, your clumsiness, your grace, your faults and your strength points. This is also why it’s important for everybody to remember one thing: beyond the character and the masks we are all human beings, just like you. We might be your superheroes or the best villains on the planet, but we are also people. Words affect us the same way they do with you. Please allow me to use this platform to spread a message of love and support. We, the wrestlers, always try to be at our best for our fans, no matter how difficult our life may be. We perform to deliver you joy, emotions and memories. You are allowed to have an opinion, to like us or not. But remember, you can express your thoughts and be respectful at the same time. We are trying our best. Be kind. Don’t wait till it’s too late to show affection and love. And this last statement goes for everyone.

I couldn’t agree with you more and feel free to express anything you want to say here. That’s no problem at all. You said that you like to read manga and comic books, and like to draw fantasy characters. Are you into writing about them also? You like to write don’t you? What does the act of writing give you?

I do love writing. I am currently working on a book to be honest. I started this project years ago, when I was a teenager. It all began as a way to escape from a reality I wasn’t fitting in. Many things happened since that day and then I left the project aside, for lack of time and inspiration. I wasn’t ready to finish the story, to close that chapter of my life. Recently, during the quarantine, I gathered some courage and I started to go through everything I wrote again and again. It needed some sort of editing, as I have changed through the years and so did my writing and my thoughts about life.

I also write short stories and I find very useful to take notes on my feelings or special life circumstances. As I previously mentioned, when I was around 18 years old I fell in a very dark place. I suffered a lot and it was hard to just think about waking up and be ready to live another day of my life. Writing, among other activities like singing and drawing, helped me be brave and strong enough when all I wanted was to lie on the floor and close my eyes for good. It hurts talking about this, but I am glad you are allowing me to share my experience and my love for writing, because maybe I will be able to reach other people who are suffering the same way and somehow help them. Even just by letting them know they are not alone and there is someone who can understand how they feel.

How important do you think art and self expression is to mental well-being?

Art in general is a beautiful way to express your feelings and get rid of all the negativity that piles up in your brain and in your heart.

It could be any form of art. The simple act of expressing yourself freely will let you feel softer and happier, trust me. Don’t be scared of showing your colours to the world. There is nothing wrong in art.

Sometimes we have to carry heavy burdens, you know. And it gets harder and harder. If you keep everything inside, you will eventually explode. I did. Multiple times.

So whenever you feel the fire burning inside your head and you feel thorns in your heart, let yourself free. Get rid of everything. Of the good and the bad emotions. Turn them into something special and unique. In this way they won’t crush you down. They will lift you up instead, they will empower you and everyone will be able to appreciate you throughout your artistic creations.

The most important thing to do, though, is learning how to love yourself first. And you gotta let people in at some point. Some will hurt you for sure, but that’s the only way the light comes in too. You all have that strength inside of you. Be confident and be brave. You are not alone.

I want to add one last little thing. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing interest in my art and letting me talk about such critical and delicate matters, such as mental health and depression. These are dark times, I hope my words can reach out to a few people in need of help and support them. As my grandma taught me, love is the most powerful medicine in the world.

Thank you. Stay safe and take care of each other.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

What more can I say but thank Aivil profusely for taking the time to talk to me. It was truly an honour.

If you’d like to find out more about Aivil and I highly recommend that you do then you can go to her social media pages here:

Instagram: @twisted_priestess Twitter: @Twisted_Doll_AJ Facebook: Jokey & Aivil

And if you’d like to be featured in SWN Fan Art Corner you can send in your art to:

Instagram: @themaskedembroiderer Twitter: @TEmbroiderer Or email us ScotWresNet@gmail.com Or use the hashtags #scottishwrestlingart or #scottishwrestlingfanart

Behind The Art #16: Aivil/Jokey

Behind The Art #16: Aivil/Jokey