#so like compared to others who have been working on a single project for the semester it's not as robust

[starphobe]

fh fandom back to wishing death on a fictional teenager for being mentally ill and not learning how to cope with that in a healthy way. what else is new

[recipherva]

F it we ball here have my character studies of the homicipher boys bc my ass has been knee deep in this game for making the mod and i need to place my notes somewhere anyway. Call me homicipher matpat...

SPOILERS. Obviously..

Crawling

Goal: stay with Adami

Abilities: intelligence, knowledge of the layout of the other world, knowledge of how to survive encounters with aggressive entities, physical strength [strong upper body, able to kill Stitch with no weapons],speed [can go as fast as a person running while crawling]

Crawling works as Adami's primary tutorial trough the otherworld. It's not clear what exactly caused his infatuation with her since it's near instant after seeing her for the first time. He has an understanding of many locations and people, as well as how the world works and what Adami wants to ask of him. He's playful, defaulting to a smile as his neutral state, and he's amidst the few characters to produce sound in-game. Usually giggles or cries. He's also acting as the male lead, and most of his endings and interactions can be read as romantic, being one of the only characters to say he likes Adami. (Other being Scarletella)

Extra: Crawling is able to stand but he refers to being bad at using his legs. When he does stand, he walks slowly and sluggishly as compared to his ability to nearly sprint while on all fours. Confirming this.

Extra: Yatsunagi said in a tweet that if you choose to exit the otherworld whitout Crawling, he will remain waiting there forever waiting for Adami to return., which is reminescent of the story of Hachiko the dog, who waited at the station for his owner to return forever.

Extra: in some concept art, Crawling is shown to be a similar height to Silvair when standing up

Scarletella

Goal: obtain Adami's name

Abilities: projection, reality warping of some sort, illusions, telepathy, teleportation, creating and controlling sub spaces or larger illusions [blood dimension, ghost apartments], free roam between worlds [his projected body only]

Scarletella works as the main antagonist of the game. He is the reason Adami happened across the otherworld, scaring her towards an entrance. He was an urban legend that haunted the ghost apartments, a location that only appears on rainy days, where Adami was presumedly dumping bodies or leading people there to kill them. This causes Scarlet to grow an infatuation with Adami, as he would feed on the corpses she left there, and for him to mistakenly assume she was courting him by feeding him corpses. Scarletella mostly affects Adami through afflicting her mind, trying to break her into giving him her name.

Extra: he's possibly inspired by a Kasa-obake, a type of yokai that's thought to be a tsukumogami, an object that if left abandonned long enough, will gain life. The Kasa-Obake is a living red umbrella, though those umbrellas are usually traditional umbrellas and take the shape of an umbrella with a single leg and an eye.

Extra: Yatsunagi said she wanted to draw a woman with a red umbrella but ended up making a guy after all.

Extra: Yatsunagi said that Scarletella knows the realworld language despite being born a monster, and that he possibly learns other languages trough reading minds and absorbing that knowledge. She also says that knowing a language and communicating are different, and that Scarletella only thinks for himself.

Extra: Scarletella is inspired by the idea of japanese urban legends (like Kuchisake-onna, Hanako-san, Hasshaku-sama, The red room, Gozu, Aka manto, etc).

Extra: Gap reffers to the ghost appartments as 'his world'. This is also taking place in what seems to be a dream sequence or an alternate location since Adami will either wake back with crawling or in another otherworld location, and not in the real world. So it's much more likely gap reffers strictly to the alternate plane of the Ghost appartments and the blood water domain as Scarlet's world and not the overall otherworld, since it continues to exist independently from Scarlet after he is defeated, and most characters don't seem to be aware of his existence at all.

Extra: In the videogame Ghostwire tokyo you can encounter a quest that will lead you to meet a variation of the Kuchisake-Onna that is completely red and in a red trenchcoat which is reminescent of Scarletella's design. There are also locations of infinite shallow water simmilar to the location you fight him in.

Silvair

Goal: research and study the unknown (primarily how realworld beings are affected by the otherworld)

Abilities: intelligence, medical knowledge on other species [unlike nurse], knowledge of explosives, physical strength [lifts a heavy weapon easily], regeneration

Silvair works as Adami's main source of information in the otherworld. His knowledge of everything including language as well as how to effectively teach things results in him being one of the better sources for finding words early game. While he's shown as curteous and polite, he also shows no remorse in brutalizing others for his own morbid curiosity or research. He treats others in reaction to what helps him moreso than out of kindness.

Extra: when prompted wether he likes Adami, Silvair responds with 'not understand like', this could point to the idea that Silvair doesn't feel or at least understand the feeling of liking/loving something/someone. His lack of empathy or compassion regarding brutalizing Chopped and Adami seems to reinforce this idea, as he's confused as to why Adami is angry at him breaking her body. Simmilar in how some humans cannot or struggle to feel empathy or love and will see relationships moreso as transactions, though that can be typically learned and worked on.

Extra: The cut hand seems to be another entity that Silvair brutalized, while it's first met with Chopped, it does not leave Silvair's home and is the one to lead you there, it also is not Chopped hand's since he notes it to be a different entity.

Extra: when questionned regarding his knowledge, Silvair responds that someone taught him. This could point to Silvair having been on at least good terms with a human wiht medical knowledge in the past. Or it could point to him being a human pre-game and having done medical studies in his past.

Chopped

Goal: to be in a safe environment (with safe people or in a safe place)

Abilities: none [he uh.. he can roll around if he tries real hard maybe?]

Chopped mainly works as one of Adami's friends, unlike other characters he stands out as needing to be protected instead of being a protector. His incredible vulnerability means he's often picked on in some way. He's usually shown with Silvair, though he also often seems to get lost on his own somehow.

Extra: Chopped enjoys being clean and put together, he seems to know the hairdresser on a basis simmilar to Silvair.

Extra: Chopped recovers not by eating human flesh but by sleeping (supported by his dialogue when leaving Silvair's apartment and how often he sleeps). Chopped dislikes being handled against his will, and his vulnerability at being essentially completely disabled makes him easy prey for other residents to pick on.

Extra: Chopped is implied to have been a human like Adami pre-main story. Silvair's treatment of us is reminescent of him and Chopped is amongst the most expressive and human-like of the cast.

Hood

Goal: to help Adami be safe

Abilities: strength [carries a heavy weapon], proficiency in executing ennemies, intelligence

Hood works as Adami's first proper introduction to the game and it's mechanics. He also works as some sort of passive protector to humans who enter the otherworld. Though he isn't interested in keeping them safe long term and would rather be on his own most of the time.

Extra: Hood allegedly has no head, but his body is.. squishy.. ish? He's seen handling weapons with a hand, so it's unclear what of his body exists and what does not.

Gap

Goal: to obtain various human body parts trough trade or request

Abilities: teleportation, manifesting trough any space so long as it is dark enough and is being observed [schrodinger's gap], free roam between worlds, intelligence, 4th wall breaking

Gap is the first real threat encountered by Adami. He also works as the main source of lore and progression of the main storyline. He also works to actively help Adami break free from Scarletella. Though this doesn't seem to be out of kindness but out of boredom, as if he has nothing better to do.

Extra: Gap says he has no reason for wanting body parts. Gap says he has no heart, or most things for that matter. He's only shown having hands/arms and a head/face.

Extra: though gap says he has no particular reason for wanting body parts, he only seems interested in human parts, and his specie presumedly eats flesh. Gap is never explicitly implied to eat the body parts he's given, though, and the idea that he lacks a heart could mean he lacks a digestive tract, like Chopped, and recovers energy in a different way, like him.

Extra: Gap is much more aggressive in chap 1/beta than he is in the rest of the game. This could be due to a light change in the writing of his character later down the line, as he's much more simplistic and actively hunts Adami trough gaps, while full release gap appears ever so often in holes Adami looks trough to poke fun, show off his collection or ask permission to take body parts.

Hugeface

Goal: to capture smaller living beings to use them as dolls/pets

Abilities: strength, size, ability to exist 'outside' the bounds of the otherworld [ in the void above/outside rooms]

Hugeface is a looming threat encountered troughout the otherworld. He treats any character smaller than him as some sort of pet, handling them clumsily and roughly like an infant would a new pet hamster. He also is implied to collect ones he finds cute as pets, placing them in little fake environments.

Extra: Hugeface is implied to exist in a space simmilar to what would be 'out of bounds' in a videogame, the space only seems to appear in rooms with missing walls, ceilings, or windows in some way. Such as the door in chap 1, the giant ravine in Machete's story, and in locations without ceilings.

Machete

Goal: to do whatever he wants with no one in his way

Abilities: strength, speed, fighting proficiency

Machete is an extremely aggressive entity, he will fight Adami unprovoked, though he seems much more interested in the actual fight than in killing or eating her. He thinks her and any who fail at defeating him as weaklings.

Extra: Machete's aggression might stem from him misinterpreting someone others do as someone trying to pick a fight. He's also overconfident in winning every fight, so he isn't afraid to fight, unlike Stitch who does not fight even when attacked directly.

Extra: Machete's skin and overall affliction could be similar to Adami's [red blotches on skin], this could also be dry and fresh blood stains though..

Telephone

Goal: to help Adami to avoid death

The telephone is an entity that will call any available phone to transfer information to Adami. This is usually advice on how to avoid upcoming monsters (scarletella, Hugeface) or navigate areas (maze), making it one of the few beings to actively be good, having no known of ulterior motive.

Extra: Telephone seems to be able to speak trough any sort of telephone, unclear where the line is drawn. (Would two cans and a string work??)

Stitch

Goal: to entertain himself

Abilities: intelligence (quick to learn how new things work, knowledgeable of a variety of things and locations including things from the real world, one of the few to recognize us as human)

Stitch acts as a mild antagonist due to his habit of forcefully showing Adami things he finds interesting or dragging her to places to amuse himself. When he has nothing to do, he mopes around depressingly until he comes across something new. He's upbeat and playful, not bad intentioned but he doesn't consider others much.

Extra: Even when threatened or attacked (Adami or Crawling), Stitch doesn't fight back.

Wheelchair

Goal: to heal from his injuries

Wheelchair is encountered twice, he's a rude, aggressive and demanding entity that will demand Adami fixes him. If Adami outright refuses to help him, he will kill her.

Extra: it's unclear what exactly he suffers from. He points to his eye being missing as well as his mouth being split. His skin appears to be corroding in some way, and he seems completely unable to use his legs to move. His affliction is not like Chopped or Adami's, and Silvair either has not met him or did not find him interesting or cooperative enough to care for him. It could be that his disease is unique in some way, or that it's incurable. It could also be that it's resulted from a fight, since his mouth was cut open, presumedly by someone else.

Masque

Goal: to entertain others

Abilities: teleportation [of himself and others/other objects]

Masque is a peaceful entity, he will appear and offer to show Adami a magic trick, either way leads to him leaving.

Extra: Masque is not aggressive even if you refuse to watch his magic tricks.

Human

Goal: to escape the otherworld

Human is a human met near the end of the game. He's scared of Adami, presumably because she's nearly fully a monster at that point, or because her own urban legend is circulating now. Or maybe it's the blood and crowbar. Either way he doesn't fully trust her, and he's nervous of her. He's killed off screen shortly after meeting Adami.

Extra: in the original Jpn version of the game, he's an english speaker, in the eng ver this is reversed to him speaking jpn while adami speaks english.

Extra: the only way of falling to the otherworld that we are shown is the elevator, or falling into it [backrooms style]. Ot could be that the Human fell out from another, english speaking country, or it could be that he was a foreigner in Japan when he fell.

Extra: Human speaks some otherworld, pointing to the idea that he was taught by some benevolent characters like Silvair or Hood pre-meeting Adami.

Adami Adashino

Goal: escape the other world/ break Scarletella's curse

Abilities: strenght, changing size (temporary), regeneration

Adami is a human japanese woman, while she appears as a more shy and ditsy amnesiac girl, it's revealed she's a murderer who had been dumping bodies at the ghost appartments, attracting Scarletella's attention

Extra: one of the symbols in Adami's name is the same used for 'monster', foreshadowing.

Extra: in Blissful love life end, Adami is shown to live alone, presumably without parents or family. She also does not mention missing her family or worrying about her friends and family looking for her. So it's unlikely she has any.

Extra: Adami Adashino is the 'default'/'canon' mc name, as it is the name already in the field you need to fill out when you remember your name.

Extra: Adami goes trough various appearance changes trough out the story:

She starts in a japanese sailor school uniform (hinting to the fact she was most likely a high school student) and had longer hair

This is changed to a white dress (given by bride),

Then her iconic white raincoat (given by bride).

Her hair is cut shorter and it turns white/grey by the end of the story. (Cut by gap, turns white from exposure to the other world)

Her face gets covered in bandages by nurse, her eyes presumably turn red at some point that is never specifically mentionned

General stuff

Extra: lots of characters are seen using their left hands (Silvair is often drawing holding his syringe+weapon in his left hand, but occasionally his right) (Crawling points to things with his left hand) (Scarlet holds his umbrella in his left hand) (Hood holds his weapon in his left hand as well as his right). This could be a continuity error in how they are drawn, or it could be that they're ambidextrous (it's more common for lefties to become ambidextrous). This is not the case for Gap though who is mostly shown using his right hand.

Extra: some characters are not able to recognize Adami as human (Chopped, wheelchair) , while others immediately do (Hood, Silvair, Stitch)

Extra: Yatsunagi said the otherworld language comes from birth to monsters (not humans turned to monster)

If you have any corrections or thoughts feel free to comment them so i can fix anything accordingly, reblogs are harder to answer to

[dumpywrites]

Tears and Poetries - Kim Namjoon / RM

Prompt: “You look familiar, like that one guy from BTS.”

Prompt request: HERE

Genre/tags: Fluff, comfort, idol Namjoon, non fan reader 

Pairing: Namjoon x reader

Word count: 2.3k

a/n: Come back to me got me feeling all inspired soooo yeah :)

It was late. Frankly you did not bother to check the time but you knew it was at least way past twelve. You just needed some air. Late night polluted air might not be the right option, but it was the best you could have at the moment. Getting out was the only coping response your mind could think off. Getting out from where exactly you could not be sure. 

Work life had been a real shit-show. You were on your fifth revision for your company project and your manager still would not accept your draft. While life? Life had been pretty exhausting. Recently your mother had been pestering you about wanting you to achieve more, comparing you to her friends’ sons and daughters, while also underestimating your own accomplishment. 

And not even two weeks ago, a guy who you were seeing just admitted that he apparently had a girlfriend. He really just dropped that info to you like a bomb, as if you did not spend time with each other the past six months. True, you never really put a label on whatever you both had, but in your head you were single and so was he. Until he told you that he got a girlfriend and had dated her for a month already. 

The wound still felt fresh especially with all the external problems added to the equation. Bearing the feeling of unwanted, unimportant, and never enough at once, was hard. Even labeling it as only hard sounded like an understatement. 

So you ran. Theoretically speaking you did not run away, you just took off from your apartment randomly to wherever your feet and your worn off sneakers took you. And they took you to a random spot near a river. 

You sat down on the dirty grassy ground, not minding how your shorts could get dirty from it.  Just sitting down and looking at the night sky, as if the cold breeze would calm you and do anything besides giving you a possibility of catching cold. 

Five, fifteen, maybe it was around half an hour you had been sitting there with empty thoughts, just letting the cold air hit your skin, when you suddenly heard a sound of a bicycle stopping and footsteps approaching. 

“Hello? Are you alright there?”

The deep voice started you and made you look back in an instant. There was a tall and quite big built guy standing with his bicycle. He had a buzzcut from the very faint image you could see due to the low light. 

Although skeptic, you decided to answer. “Yeah, don’t worry.”

“You sure?”

You realized how shaky and stuffy your voice sounded. It probably was not a very convincing “don’t worry”. And when you did not voice another reply, the person parked their vehicle and slowly walked towards your direction. 

“Hey! Stranger danger!” You said, backing off from where you were seating. 

The guy stopped in his tracks but did not walked away. “Do you mind if I join your pondering session? Who knows two great minds might think alike.” 

You stayed still in your position, eyes searching for his in the very confusing lack of light. You could barely make out of what he looked like. 

“I’m not a creep, I swear!” He threw his hands in the air. “There’s a police station nearby if you wanna shout as loud as you can, they could hear you from here.” 

He took your silence as a green light and stepped closer until he reached a spot on your left. He cleared his throat and sat down next to you. 

There you could eventually fully saw his face. The first thing you noticed was the nicely shaped nose, and his plump lips, then his dimples which showed when he politely smiled at you. 

The first ten minutes was spent in complete silence. You did not expect the man to whip out a notepad and pencil and just started writing. A story? Poem? Or song? You tried your best not to sneak a look. He was even humming at some point when he wrote, and it was strangely enough, soothing. 

“What are you writing?” You finally asked, the suspense was killing you. 

“Thought you’d never ask.” He replied with excitement. “I’m writing a poem. Though I’m starting to think it’d sound better as a song.”

“You’re a singer or something?”

The man looked at you in disbelief for a good second before chuckling. “Sorta.”

“Am I suppose to know you?” You eyed him back with the same questioning look. 

“Dunno.” He shrugged. “Maybe it’s a good thing that you don’t know for today.”

You looked at the guy suspiciously, which earned a laugh from him. “The more I think about it, I think I’ve seen your face somewhere…”

“Oh yeah?” He said, a light tone of nervousness was visible in his voice. 

“You look familiar, like that one guy from BTS.”

He almost choked on nothing. “I’m sorry, what?!”

“Yeah, that one dude from BTS.” You repeated. “Although I don’t think any one from them has a buzzcut… Idols always seem to have either colorful hair or beautiful long locks.” 

“Really…” The man voiced out, sounding unsure. 

“Are you perhaps an indie artist? K-hiphop? Don’t tell me you are a DPR member that I somehow don’t know about or something…”

“Okay, enough about that it’s not important.” He dismissed. “You wanna take a look of what I’ve written?”

“Uh, sure…”

You leaned a bit closer to him and peeked over his notes. He took his notepad nearing it to your side so you could read better. Despite the low source of illumination, you could read the delicately written words. It was deep and meaningful. Whatever he wrote on that paper seemed a little too real to just be a song, it almost felt like it came from true experience. 

“You sound like you went through hell to get to where you are right now.” 

You commented, you were not aware of how reading through his words affected you until you could practically hear your heartbeat. You clutched at your chest, trying to calm it down. 

“I’m not only talking about the sufferings.” He pointed out. “I also mentioned about the journeys in between.”

His expression brightened as he explained further. You found it really attractive for some reason. 

“The feeling of loss, left out, were there alongside the feeling of excitement, growth, and wanting to change for the better.” He grinned. “And I think life needs that small bits of flavor to complete us as human beings… Wouldn’t have loved myself so much without all my struggles and flaws.”

You gazed at the guy in front of you in awe. “Guess you’re right.” You finally broke into a smile. “That was beautiful though, almost got me tearing up.”

“Thank you.” He grinned, showing his dimples. “What about you though? What’s on your mind?”

“It’s kinda lame…” You nervously laughed. 

“I’m listening.” He scooted closer, making your knees touched. 

“There are a whole list of messed up things happening in my life right now, but I guess I could name one or two…” 

You took a deep breath and the guy in front of you patiently waited for you to speak. 

“Basically my mom’s been yelling at me saying stuff about how unsuccessful I am for my nine to five job, while getting bullied by my manager at work, and not to mention, how I just got dumped by a guy who I was seeing for six months.”

“That’s fucked up…” He looked at you with wide eyes. 

“You tell me.” You replied sassily. “I mean I guess for the most part it wasn’t really about the problem itself. I’m aware of how perfectionist my manager could be and multiple revision is expected. My mom never really feels content with anything, so that’s also expected. And that fucking guy leaving me? It was probably for the better…”

“Hey.” He grabbed your shoulder suddenly, catching you in a surprise. “Don’t downplay your feelings like that. You’re allowed to feel sad when other people treat you like utter shit. It’s valid.” 

There was something about his words that triggered an emotion within you. Unknowingly, a tear escaped your eyes, followed by more next. 

You leaned backwards to free from his grip, only for him to lose it but proceeded to take off his knitted sweater, revealing a black oversized t-shirt underneath. He took it off with one hand before shoving it through your head so you could wear it. 

“It’s chilly. You might catch a cold.” 

Hesitantly, you rolled the sweater through your body. You felt the neckline stained with tears and wondered if it was his polite way of helping you wipe your tears. You thanked him and he told you to continue. 

“I don’t know what else to say, I don’t want to trauma dump on you.” 

“How are you feeling though?” He asked, eyes gently looking at you. 

“I just… I felt unwanted? Unimportant and undesirable? It happened all at once and it got me connecting strings. The root cause of my problem felt like it came from me as a person and I felt sick…”

He gazed at you and quietly nod, allowing you to continue. 

“I came here because it was loud and deafening in here,” You tapped your head with a grin, trying to lighten the mood. “And I’m glad I did. Not only did I manage to tone it down a couple notches, I also get an exclusive song preview from a top star!” 

Both of you laughed in unison. You were the first to break the eye contact due to the sudden invasion of butterflies in your stomach. It might be dark and late at night, but your eyes could not lie about the beauty of the stranger in front of you. 

The silence was soon broken by a buzzing notification from his phone. It was on silent mode, but the multiple vibrations got him shuffling his hand on his pocket, fishing his phone out from his cargo pants. 

“Damn, I gotta head back. Someone needs me in the studio…” 

“At this hour?!” You argued immediately.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” He ran his hand through his short hair in a frustrated way. 

“What’s your name?” 

You both stopped and looked at each other, dumbfounded. Both of you asked the same question at the same time. Laughter filled the air once again. 

“You first.” The guy gestured. 

You got up and he followed right after. Now looking at how tall he was compared to you, spelling out your name felt a little bit harder. Your heart was beating in an abnormal rate. You finally managed to tell him your name and you patted yourself internally for not voicing out like a squealing hormonal teenager. 

“I’m Namjoon.” He said with a huge contagious smile. 

“Now where did I hear that name—“

“Can I have your number?” He interrupted. Glancing at his phone screen, a small groan escaped his lips. “It’s almost three, you have to go home.”

“Oh.” Your lips formed a small O shape. “Sure. Here, give me your phone…”

You both then exchanged phone numbers. 

“I want to take you back to your home so badly but I really can’t…” Namjoon sighed. “Besides, my bicycle can only do so much…” He chuckled. 

“It’s okay, I live nearby.” You smiled. “You take care, though.”

“Yeah, you too. I’ll text you?”

“Yeah.” You nodded happily. “Thank you, Namjoon.” 

“Don’t mention it, I’m really glad we met today.” He nodded at you before retreating to where he parked his bicycle. 

“Wait!” 

You followed, running to his direction. You stopped when your arms barely linked behind him, hugging him tightly. It was bold of you but it just felt right at the moment. 

“Thank you so much, I mean it.” You said with voice muffled a little by his clothes against your mouth. 

And you did. You meant it, it felt really nice having someone who actually listened to your problem and seemed like he cared about it too. 

He hugged back. “You’re not unwanted, okay? You are loved, please know that.”

You nodded and broke off the hug. A big smile plastered on your lips and he mimicked it. “Okay, you may go now.”

You both bid your goodbyes and that was how you found yourself smiling and giggling at three in the morning, by yourself, on your way back to your place, all while hugging the sweater that you forgot to give back. That encounter was weird, but in a very good way. It almost felt like the universe sent you an angel knowing how down you were feeling. In a peculiar way, it almost felt like he saved you. You went to sleep easily that night. 

The next morning you were awaken by a text notification popping up from Namjoon. You smiled like an idiot to yourself before opening it. 

“Good morning! I hope you slept well. Did you arrive safe yesterday? Sorry something came up, I wished I could stay longer.”

You quickly replied to him. “I slept good. Probably thanks to you, hehe. No problem though! Maybe we could hangout again someday? I need to return your sweater after all :)”

After typing the text and sending it, suddenly a curious thought filled your head. His name did ring an unknown bell. Namjoon did mention that he was a singer, an idol maybe? You could not be sure. You tapped your Google app on your phone and started typing his name followed by the word “singer” behind it. 

Maybe this was your cue to be more aware of the Kpop industry. You had your fair share of listening to K-hiphop, and were even an avid listener of groups like Epik High and Balming Tiger. 

So how come you failed to notice that last night you in fact just hugged Kim Namjoon, aka RM from the internationally well known boy group, BTS???

Thank you for reading! 🌙

a/n: this was a rather short one but i hope y'all like it nonetheless <3

Prompt request: HERE

[jaehaeryshater]

“saera had learned the art of getting anything she wanted from her father: a kitten, a hound, a pony, a hawk, a horse”

art by: @vazdelart on twt

Merry Christmas (or Sevenmas!) from Saera and Jaehaerys!!! The timing of getting my commission back could not be more perfect :)

I always imagined Saera having a whole menagerie by the time she was a teenager, from the amount of pets she received as gifts from her father. Fire and Blood is severely lacking compared to A Song of Ice and Fire in regards to fleshing out characters, but Saera’s love for animals is a small detail that is often overlooked when discussing her character. I wish people did, not even in an attempt to make people like her or see her a good person, it’s just that the more fleshed out a character is, it makes the overall story more compelling to me. The little details make the whole thing seem more real.

I don’t have that much to say regarding meta with this piece, it was a quick comm to add to my Saera collection. My original idea was to have all the animals in the garden with her, but that proved too much detail and out of my budget. So I’ll just have to imagine! I love how Jaehaerys turned out, and how it captures the essence of him lovebombing her. Saera and Jaehaerys’s relationship has always been of particular interest to me. It’s never mentioned that he was a generous person to his other children or that he was frequently giving gifts to any of them besides Saera. I would say that it must have been an intention detail that he singled her out to buy her love so often. I have my own personal theories as to why the little we know about the two of them seem to be so strange, as well has how that culminated in all her bad behavior (spoiler alert: i don’t think she was born a bad person or was a psychopath), but regardless of the reason, Saera and Jaehaerys’s relationship is one of the more significant ones in his life (especially that she was the last person he thought about in his life) and is critical in understanding who Jaehaerys is as a person. You won’t find the stereotypical “Jaehaerys was the most goated king in Westeros and a good man that happened to have very bad luck and worse daughters” opinion here. I prefer to think more critics and beyond the surface level.

I was so happy with how this piece turned out, particularly the fashion. Vaz was great to work with. The sketch was started on December 13 and the project done today. It was all very speedy and a pleasant process. Vaz was open to changes I wanted to make, and kept in mind the references I sent. I would definitely recommend commissioning them, their Jaehaerys in particular is amazing.

[doberbutts]

Is the high level of inbreeding in dobes more because "undesirable" traits are common so those dogs get weeded out (whether actual bad things or just not fitting the breed spec), a small number of breeders having the monopoly, or because they are all related anyway so there's no way of avoiding it without an outcross program? Is something like the Doberman Preservation ​Project a realistic future for the breed?

The doberman breed is in the current shape its in due to multiple genetic bottlenecks- some simple stupid breeding decisions and others due to active war zones and the consequences of wars- paired with people who are stubbornly refusing to even try to make it better because they have convinced themselves that what they're doing is right.

Fenris is my lowest COI dobe to date [23% iirc] and while not the lowest I've seen in the breed [19%], still a huge improvement over to 50-60% breed average. But people have argued again and again that lowering COI means making breeding decisions that produce inferior dogs, and so many refuse to even consider it as a possibility.

(For non-dog people, COI is coefficient of inbreeding, and it is a look at the numbers behind how inbred a population is. You want as low of a number as possible. 25% is equal to immediate siblings. Ideally we'd want single digit numbers, with anything over 10% being a major problem to fix. To compare, my chihuahuas are something like 6% (Fae) and 0.02% (Tater). Sushi is a direct line breeding aunt-to-nephew so she's up in the 40s.)

(It doesn't necessarily mean a dog is immune to genetic predisposition to bad health, as evidenced by Tater's CM diagnosis, however it does seem to correlate directly with longevity and likelihood of developing these problems, meaning Tater unfortunately just lost the genetic lottery)

In other words, it is certainly possible to reduce the COI of the breed by HALF with smart breeding decisions, and people are plugging their ears going LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU because it means actually going out and looking past the popular sires and taking a chance on a dog that might not be your exact type but will still improve the next generation. This is not just a show line problem because I spend the majority of my time with working line dobes and working dobe people and this is an incredibly annoying problem there too. Fenris himself has popular sires in his pedigree, both the show half and the working half, so it is demonstratably very difficult to avoid.

I do think a well executed outcross project is needed, however... the problem I have is that the current proposed projects all suck. There's not a lot of direction outside of throwing things into the pot and seeing what sticks, and a lot of the resulting dogs quite frankly aren't what doberman people would be looking for anyway. Farm collies? Bulldogs? Bullies? Carolina dogs? Border collies? Pyrs? Why??? None of these are going to make a dog that has the temperament that draws people to this breed.

There are. A bunch of breeders who are waiting for an outcross project that actually makes sense. They've even posted in various outcrops groups that they would support a project if it had certain specifications. Many have said, get yourself a nice female and title her out in a bite sport and do all the doberman health testing even if she's not a doberman and we'd be interested in contributing semen. The response almost invariably has been "but I don't want a protective dog". Then what are you doing in a DOBERMAN project??? So of course the chief complaint is that most of these projects are not looking to make dobermans, they're looking to make their own breed and just have a doberman paint job. Well, sorry, but most involved doberman people want a DOBERMAN, not just a dog that looks like one. This is the only AKC recognized breed with the sole function of personal protection. They are protective dogs. Either accept that, or get interested in a different breed.

I have heard increasingly concerning things regarding the temperament of the doberman diversity project dogs, which does not surprise me unfortunately as none of these dogs are in any way sourced from dogs with verifiable correct temperament. What do you get when you cross a Craigslist Corso with a Craigslist doberman? Well the first generation might be okay for people who want pets but apparently the ones that have worked in protection are awful at it. Same with the malinois crosses- of course, you took a lukewarm malinois and bred it to a z-list doberman and you're surprised that you got a bunch of lukewarm at best pet dogs.

I think the only project I solidly am somewhat interested in is the bandog cross, and that cross works just fine but then of course it does because in that country, bandogs are exclusively military, police, and security dogs, and she bred it to a igp3 doberman. Unfortunately the doberman died before his 10th birthday, so now we're all waiting to see what happens with his progeny.

[cokou]

𝐇𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 OCT 1: ARRANGED MARRIAGE # Roronoa Zoro┆Fem! Reader

Request ✉* Hi, if you’re open can I request Zoro for Oct.1 Rough sex? And female reader?If not that’s ok, I just wanted to say I love your writing and I love the work u put into making your posts aesthetic <3 Make sure to take care of urself :)

Warnings ✉* Rough sex, arranged marriage, Shit writing

WC ✉* 978 words┆5,304 characters

It only had been a week— a week of meeting this man, who you were fended off to by your 'parents'. A week of getting to know each other forcefully. A week of you trying your best to just disappear and end this suffering put between the two of you. A week of him convincing himself that not even a single attention should be provided for you, he really tried his best.

He grits his teeth to your agreeing words, which makes it much more heavier to swallow such a thick throwback from you.

"I'm not giving you a single attention just because we're married."

"I never said you should."

And yet, after all those hardships that you had put to end this, only for you to end up on his bed as he ravishes you into the thin, silky bedsheet inside his room. His bed would most likely give out soon as it squeeks everytime his hard thrusts comes along your skin once again.

With his hips starting to stutter from the rough pressure and friction to please you, he held you in place in order to keep up. Your hips buckle for more into him, forcibly making him go deeper inside your cervix. His tip remarkably bullying your cervix enough for it to end up bruising by tomorrow morning.

It's hard, he makes it soo hard to take him. Zoro full well knows that he himself is big, Zoro is a monster when it comes down from there and he knows it. It's hard, specially when his thrusts are rough yet slow ones. Yet, you take him like you were granted to him from a genie itself, that is what makes it exciting for him.

Your hole was typically stretched as big as it could to fit Zoro, it hurted a few minutes ago and was instantly replaced with pleasure. Not only that, but your core was incredibly squeezing him so hard that it makes it hard for him to just pull out. It felt so good to him, the way you clench over his thick shaft, the way you murmur sweet moans that gradually get louder and louder as time passes.

Zoro— was most definitely holding himself from going to hard on you, why? It was your first time, and he wants to savour his favorite positions for future sessions with you as he knows this won't be the last one, so that way he'd suprise you with lot's more and not the same over and over again.

You dont mind, you never will. Zoro was so lawge that you wouldn't remarably fit him immediately, which involves lot's of lubricant. It will never be the same, for you everything does have differences. Just like his pace right now compared to the first one, rough and agonizingly slow. Other than that, he was savoring the moment of your sloppy hole.

Zoro removes his bandana, wiping his forehead using it and ties it around your arm, it was soaked in his sweat and it almost felt disgusting. He runs his calloused hands over your arms towards your shoulder, simply to tease you. His rough hands were dragging along your skin, making you shiver in suprise.

Was this romanticism? He asks himself; but why? No, romance was never his forte, no it was never something he wanted to experience. But, here he was on top of you, savoring each thrust he gave you. Here he was, admiring you soft, delicate moans that echoes through his ears.

Fuck romanticism, his mind swirled around the thoughts of what was happening now— nothing was important, nothing other than projecting his hips movements, nothing other than making you cum.

His thoughts swirled more, and more. It makes him go rougher at the session. The skin slapping, your ass was very much sore from all the collision of your skins. Your moans get louder each rough thrusts he provides, this was either heaven or hell.

You held onto his shoulder as he goes faster, your eyes almost going white and you felt like you were gonna explode your climax all over him soon.

"I hope i could keep you like this forever, a hole to forever abuse." Zoro smirks on his comment,

The deep feeling deep inside his loin is heating up, he feels the spring that will almost immediately burst. He continues pounding you like a dog in heat, his hips now stuttering even more. Your nails dug on his back, leaving crescent moon shapes behind him. Your moans are heard by the whole room, possibly until outside of the room and 2 more neighboring ones.

His thrust was demonic to forever start with, the sound of his repeated thrusting and followed by the sloppiness that was developed between the both of you were starting to louden itself. Zoro was finally groaning and huffing, whilst your moans only louden at the sensation.

Zoro fastens his pace, making your eyes roll back at the back of your skull. The coil deep inside him about to snap, he takes his index and middle finger and shove them up your mouth. You swirl your tongue on his fingers and suck them as he'd like.

"Shit— take my fucking cum┅" With no more words, Zoro spills inside you with a loud thrust, making you yelp loudly, almost lolling your tongue out in ecstacy. He takes your legs and positions your knees above your head,making his cum reach deeper parts within you yourself couldn't reach. You release a loud moan along with some pants as you take your climax on his cock aswell. Gosh, it felt so good.

Zoro and You are now a panting, sweaty, and sticky mess. He plops down to the bed beside you and catches his breath, his cum slowly dripping out of your pussy.

"Physical attention doesn't seem bad."

"I know "

General M.List┆Hentober 24 M.List

©Cokou 2024, all works belong to me.

[hybbart]

Hey guys, I would really appreciate it if you stopped sending me messages about Lizzie's appearance. I get that most of you are just happy and/or think it's a compliment, but I've literally never had so many weird comments on a woman's body before, and it's getting really uncomfortable.

While I know I'm not always as good about it for men, as a character artist and as I hope is made clear in the design sheet I did for all the hermit and empire girls, I have always and will always draw all sorts of body types. That includes not just fat people, but fat people with different distributions and shape language- different everything. Lizzie and Cleo and Stress may all be fat and round but I like to think I did a very good job of making them all distinct in shape from each other in a way that converys their character.

I redesigned my Lizzie recently because I was wanting to draw her more, and I wanted her to allign better with my mental idea of her. She hadn't before because 1) I started off drawing her as the ocean queen and mayor who are very unlike her base self and monstrous, because she's cool like that. And 2) I never sat down and made a design sheet for her, so I constantly drew her differently and mixed her up with my Gem design. (which, go firgure, as a fan of sister characters, when I finally worked it out that mental idea ended up having a body type similar to my own little sister. Which makes it extra uncomfortable on a personal level.)

The fact is, when I draw women people casually comment on their body a LOT more, which is already a bit uncomfortable- and baffling, given that most of my sexualized pictures are of men. I get similar comments about how tall Pearl is, I've probably gotten more comments about how tall Pearl is than I have about how tall Jimmy is, and I draw him multiple times a week. But those comments are often at least done with a bit of amusement and not just straight up ogling her.

Every single time I've drawn Lizzie recently, though, I got an absolute flood of comments specifically talking about her body and nothing else. How fat she is, how attractive she is because she's fat, cat calls, and other more unsavoury language. Even backhanded compliments. I certainly didn't try to make her ugly, but I've not drawn her in pinups. She's doing the exact same things as every other character I draw, including herself before my redesign. And given that timing and VERY pointed nature of the comments, it's not exact rocket science.

Most of the comments haven't been too gross, thankfully. I'll chalk that up to a lot of the messages being people projecting onto her, which- that's a whole different can of discomfort worms. But it is constant and it is in place of literally anything else. I draw a whole comic about a funny moment with multiple people, and art I'm pretty happy with, and the only thing a dozen asks have to say is "Lizzie's fat!!🤤" which stands in quite the contrast to all the comparatively few comments about Jimmy being about how I drew his banana costume.

Anyways, what I'm asking is to please just be a bit more normal about women's bodies. I get that it's rarer, and it makes some people happy when they see characters like them, but focusing on how beautiful an unconventional woman is is still objectifying and making that woman's beauty her worth.

[asksythe]

Close-up version so we can see all that yummy intimacy! The full version is a bit bigger so I'll leave it below. Commed. Artist: Raccoon Nilh It's completed! I'm so happy with how this piece turned out! Raccoon Nilh did great work! Anyway, this is one of the illustrations for a future fanfic project I have planned. The name is: Pygmalion Gazes at the Stars. To avoid the fate of other stories I have come up but forgot to write down (they faded from my brain), I wrote down this (much truncated) plot draft. The original plan was something like... 7000 words of text over varios plot elements, the overarching structures, how the relationship will unfold, how it will be viewed through the astonishing eyes of Chaldea staff, the implications and fallouts of Daybit's presence, the climatic finale act complete with mad girlfriend Riri riding a motorbike and wielding a shotgun running over Lostbelt 7 to hunt down Daybit in his jeep.... among other things... ...anyway...

Premise

Pygmalion Gazes at the Stars begins as a continuation of canon—a hypothetical extension of Lostbelt 7 ending. In this version, Daybit Sem Void, having been defeated and undone in the final act of his own Lostbelt, accepts Tezcatlipoca’s offer to rewind time. He’s given a single opportunity to try again, to change the outcome, to pursue the answer he never found.

But instead of rewinding back to the start of Lostbelt 7, Daybit goes further. Much further.

He rewinds all the way to the very beginning—before the explosion at Chaldea, before the Lostbelts, before Team A was sealed into the coffins. This time, Daybit evades the collapse of the command room. This time, he does not follow the other Crypters into slumber or betrayal. Instead, he walks a different path.

He joins Chaldea’s new timeline and aligns himself with a girl he once underestimated: Ritsuka Fujimaru.

But his motives aren’t benevolent. This isn’t redemption—not yet. What drives him is an obsession. In his mind, Ritsuka is the one who defeated Ort. The one who overcame the impossible. The one who bested him.

In her, Daybit sees a rival unlike any he’s ever known. So he returns to the beginning—not to save her, not to support her, but to observe her. Study her. Surpass her. To do this, he refuses to take command as the 'Last Master of Humanity,' a title which would have gone to him as a member of Team A and the much more experienced Master than greenhorn Riri, much to everybody's surprise. In typical Daybit's manner, he refuses to elaborate beyond insisting that Riri is the best Master there is (because it's the truth in his mind! He hasn't surpassed her yet)

The rest of Chaldea doesn’t understand why Daybit defers to her leadership. Ritsuka herself is suspicious of his sincerity. But as the singularities unfold and the Lostbelt threat begins to stir once more, an unshakable bond forms—not through fate, but through day-by-day presence. Through belief. Through proximity. Through shared experience.

In trying to surpass her, Daybit begins to understand her. And through her, he begins to understand himself again.

The Pygmalion Effect

The heart of the story lies in the psychological concept known as the Pygmalion effect: when someone believes in you so completely, you begin to rise to meet their expectations. Ritsuka, who starts the story uncertain and insecure, begins to grow into her role because Daybit believes in her without question. That belief changes her. And, over time, it begins to change him too.

This story isn’t just about one person sculpting another. It's about two people who become better versions of themselves through mutual belief. Ritsuka sees through Daybit’s inhuman detachment (in typical Riri's fashion. What's a Cloudcuckoolander Daybit compared to literal BEAST Draco?). She recognizes his pain and loneliness, which even Daybit himself fails to vocalize. In doing so, she returns his gaze with her own belief—that he isn’t beyond saving, that he’s still human underneath.

The Shape of a Life: Daybit, Riri, and the Slow Return to Humanity

One of the most grounding elements of Pygmalion is the day-to-day life that quietly unfolds between Daybit, Ritsuka, and Mash. After the decision is made to support Riri, Daybit quite literally never leaves her side. He insists it’s necessary to observe her constantly in order to surpass her—he must be there at every moment to record her strengths, catalog her missteps, and understand her entirely.

And so, Daybit eats when Riri eats. Trains when she trains. Reads mission reports at her side. They review battle data together, share coffee across the table, and discuss Servant summoning strategies long into the night. Eventually, sleeping arrangements become shared, too—not from romantic initiative, but because Riri falls asleep at her desk too often and Daybit refuses to leave her unattended. In his words: “It is vital to track the frequency and condition of her REM cycles.”

Mash, ever loyal, is often close by. In many ways, this strange trio becomes a unit—Chaldea’s emotional core. Riri becomes something of a pseudo big sister to both of them, despite Daybit technically being her senpai. Where he brings raw analytical ability and bizarre alien foresight, she brings warmth and trust and an instinctive grasp of people.

What starts as Daybit’s obsessive campaign to study and “surpass” her becomes something else entirely. Through Riri’s routines—meals, laughter, arguments, fatigue, quiet joy—he begins to feel again. He starts noticing things: how good coffee tastes after a long mission. How soothing Riri’s voice is when she’s humming without realizing it. How Mash smiles a little more easily when the three of them are together.

Without meaning to, Daybit begins to experience what he lost: a sense of family. And while he would never use that word himself, it takes root in the quiet spaces between battles—in the walk to the cafeteria, the silence before sleep, the shared glance across a crowded control room. For someone so thoroughly estranged from humanity, routine becomes a lifeline. Intimacy, even platonic, becomes a catalyst.

Riri doesn’t notice at first. She simply enjoys the company and tries to take care of both of them. But slowly, through a hundred unnoticed moments, she becomes the center of a new constellation—a small, strange, but fiercely devoted family. In essence, Riri becomes a lens through which Daybit can perceive his own humanity again.

The Alien Within: Daybit and the Question of Intimacy

There’s a specific narrative I want to explore through Daybit, inspired in part by Phoenix by Osamu Tezuka (and its later reinterpretation in Saya no Uta) and my own interpretation of Daybit as a character (which I probably should write out one of these days). It’s the idea of a person whose perception of humanity has been fundamentally altered—someone who no longer sees other people as people. Someone for whom connection becomes foreign and unsettling.

Daybit, in this story, doesn’t simply struggle with love or intimacy; he doesn’t even process it in the same way anymore. He’s so alienated from humanity—emotionally, psychologically, even spiritually—that human urges and instincts don’t quite register as real to him. When he looks at others, he doesn’t see potential partners. He sees something akin to how we might view another species.

It’s not that he can’t form bonds. It’s that he doesn’t expect to or even thinks he needs to. But then, into that distorted landscape, walks Riri.

He doesn’t initially see her as a woman or even a person, but as an anomaly. A perplexing variable that he cannot simulate, cannot solve, like how she even bested him in the canon Lostbelt 7. Slowly, through observation and prolonged proximity, she becomes the exception to his estrangement. Not through any deliberate seduction, but through sheer presence—through being human in a way he had forgotten was possible.

In intimate moments, he doesn’t perceive her body as a biological object. Instead, he processes it through alien metaphor: as glass, as sand, as something granular and collapsing yet beautiful in its impermanence. His approach to sexuality is less instinctual and more cognitive—curious, reverent, disoriented. And it’s through this lens that he begins to re-approach what it means to be human at all.

Ensemble Cast and Ripple Effects

In this timeline, the Crypters begin to survive. Daybit’s interference changes the game. The grand sacrificial ritual behind the Lostbelts starts to unravel. More of Team A wakes up and sees what’s become of Chaldea—and of Daybit.

Many assume he’s running the show, only to be surprised when they realize it’s Ritsuka in charge, and that Daybit defers to her completely.

That confusion sparks speculation. Is Ritsuka a product of mage-breeding experiments? A genetically engineered super-Master? The Crypters can’t believe someone as unremarkable as her could be that good—so they start looking for hidden reasons.

Only Beryl, strangely enough, sees the truth. He knows love when he sees it.

And so begins a chain reaction. The rest of the Crypters start to bond, to grow, even to form their own ill-fated or awkward relationships. Chaldea becomes a strange sort of found family—one with plenty of dysfunction, plenty of arguments, but also moments of warmth and honesty. There's even a light parody thread running through it: "nature documentary"-style commentary on the "mating habits" of socially inept magi.

The Conspiracy: Who—or What—is Riri?

As Daybit continues to defer to Riri and the Crypters begin to rejoin Chaldea, something unexpected happens. Whispers begin to circulate. Because to them, Riri shouldn’t be possible. In canon, Riri's success was chalked up to as nothing more than a fluke and the result of her hiding behind Mash by the Crypters (except Wodime but he didn't exactly share that with the class). But in this timeline, Daybit's presence and continual deference to Riri in battle and in decision making as a Master throws that assumption out the window. Mash's deference can be reasoned away because she was just a fancy homunculus to the mages. But Daybit is considered Wodime's peer. There's absolutely no way Daybit would defer to some unknown neophyte without a reason.

The Crypters know Chaldea. They were the elite. Team A was handpicked by Marisbury himself. And yet here’s this complete outsider—a supposed “average” Master candidate who somehow survived the destruction of Chaldea, succeeded where no one else could, and has Daybit of all people in her orbit, treating her like the sun around which he orbits.

They start to wonder: is she really just a lucky survivor?

A theory takes root. That Ritsuka Fujimaru was never just a random candidate. That she may have been the final product of an off-book genetic engineering project—Marisbury’s last, hidden card. A counterpoint to Mash Kyrielight: whereas Mash was engineered to contain a Heroic Spirit, perhaps Riri was designed to command them. A Master refined at the genetic level, optimized for survival, summoning, and leadership.

The fact that she and Mash are inseparable only fuels the theory. Were they meant to function as a paired unit? A living singularity and its anchor? It makes a certain kind of sense because Mash while she was working with Team A never displayed this level of power, initiative, and agency. She couldn't even manifest her servant power in a controlled manner. But if she's essentially a lock just waiting for the key to unlock her true potential, then Riri's presence and their combined success make a lot of sense. And now, with Marisbury gone, has Daybit—forever the outsider among mages—stepped in to claim the prize before anyone else realized what she was?

Even if the theory is false, it spreads fast. It’s easier for the Crypters to believe in a conspiracy than in a miracle.

An Unconventional Romance

Their relationship is not straightforward. For the longest time, Daybit sees Ritsuka not as a love interest, but as a rival—his greatest adversary. He meticulously documents her successes and her failures, determined to surpass her. His “affection” manifests as an obsessive need to learn from her and record everything she does, including moments as mundane as her falling asleep on the command room desk.

He’s oblivious to the fact that this has long since become something deeper. The Chaldea staff eventually catches on, of course. Some even tries to intervene in an attempt to help the poor, socially inept young man with his massive crush... to no avail. Daybit insists that everything he does is so that he can surpass her one day. What? This journal he keeps to record everything about her, even down to her nap time and favorite food and all the little stumbles she makes? Clearly, these are useful data points and potential blackmail materials to be used to devastating effect. There’s even a betting pool on when—or if—he’ll realize it himself. And naturally, there’s comedic potential here: Daybit sabotaging Valentine’s Day to intercept chocolates meant for Ritsuka, criticizing Servants like Dantes for being “untrustworthy,” and insisting on spending every waking hour “calibrating” with her for “operational efficiency.”

Finale: Conflict and Clarity

Hah! Well, I can't put too many details here because I don't want to spoil the plot, but it will involve an alternate Lostbelt 7. This is where it starts for Daybit (and Riri), and this is where it will end. This is the stage of their showdown... and their first big argument (break up! In typical romantic plot!)

It will be explosive! Action! Speed! Car chase! Guns galore in typical American action romance fashion! The young couple meet in battle to resolve their differences! All that jazz!

The Ending: A Declaration

The ending is, in a sense, Daybit's proposal to Riri, in the usual Daybit's fashion. He tells Ritsuka that she is, and always has been, his greatest adversary. That he wants to surpass her. That he will be there at every stumble, and rise beyond every triumph.

It’s a confession in his own language.

And Ritsuka, with tears and laughter and maybe a few swears, throws it right back at him. Yes, she's going to be his rival! Now and forever! Provided he doesn't mess up again! And no he won't surpass her anytime soon, because she's going to try her damnedest to keep the lead on him.

A Story About Belief

At its core, Pygmalion Gazes at the Stars is a story about how belief transforms people—how seeing someone clearly, and choosing to believe in them, can be the most powerful form of love. It’s about alienation and reconnection. Found family. Quiet moments at the edge of the universe.

It’s not just Daybit sculpting Ritsuka into the savior of humanity. It’s also Ritsuka remaking Daybit into someone who, for the first time in a very long time, looks up at the stars and doesn’t feel so alone.

[yellowjestertfs]

Altered State: Part Six + Epilogue

Story is finally finished I can't believe it. Sorry this last part took so much longer then the others. I had a epilogue written but I sort of hated it and so decided rewrote the whole thing which took longer then I would have liked. As always Part Five, Four, Three, Two and One are already up. Thank you so much for everyone who has read what at this point is basically a book length story. I had so much fun writing it and would love to eventually write an Altered State 2.0 though I am going to try to stick to shorter projects in the meantime (Will see if I stick to that). Hope you enjoy and don't hesitate to reach out!

I like you, Leon, I have always liked you and not just in a friend way or a sexual way” Edward felt like he was going to throw up but he pushed forward. Watching Leon fight Hunter had solidified his feelings. They were too intense to let lie even a moment longer, his friend had to know how he felt even if he didn't feel the same. “but also like you in a -“

Edward didn't realize his feet were off the ground until he was already flying through the air. He let out a scream but it was too late. The metal claw wrapped tightly around his waist dragged him quickly and roughly through the air towards the towering contraption on the street like a harpoon reeling in a big fish. 

Edward’s whole body shook as the metal chain fully retracted the claw into the mech’s arm reattaching firmly. His head hurt and he suspected he might have a concussion. Edward struggled but his 5.4 strength was pathetic compared to the pressurized machinery holding him. 

Edward turned to face the pilot. A large colored plastic dome that looked as if it had been salvaged from a playground, sat on top of the mech distorting the appearance of the person inside. The floating name tag above their head however was visible and made Edward’s breath catch. “Alvis, Level 20 Technocrat”

Edward internally groaned. It was clear something had happened to Alvis besides him gaining 20 levels and a mech. He looked physically different. Through the semi-transparent plastic Alvis looked like a baby or a sickly child. His head was now mostly bald and extremely oversized, especially for his tiny body. His eyes were bright with a vast intelligence but the rest of his face had somehow gotten uglier.

“Alvis, what are you doing?” Edward asked, kicking his feet as he fruitlessly tried to escape.

Alvis ignored him. Instead he looked over Edward with a hungry gaze then in a voice amplified by a mic hidden somewhere in the mech said “wow you really are a pretty one. I’m starting to understand why that lout is so obsessed with you. It’s too bad your both assholes.”

“Let’s talk about this Alvis! I think there has been a misunderstanding.” The grip on Edward grew tighter making his words come out strained.

“Misunderstanding” Alvis’s nasal voice shouted “You and Leon are the worst most selfish roommates ever. You ignore me, you touch my things without asking and you fucked in my bed!” The last accusation came out as a screeched and Edward paled. He had no idea how Alvis knew that but it would make reasoning with him a lot more difficult. 

“I’m sorry about that. Put me down and we can talk. You don’t have to do this” Edwards said trying his best to work his charm though it was hard dangling in the grip of a giant robot talking through a barely transparent colored plastic spear.

Still, diplomacy seemed the only way. Edward tried to focus on his sage sense but he didn't understand what he was feeling. Alvis’s true desire had something to do with a basement, not particularly helpful at the moment. The countdown for the quest was down to a minute and thirty seconds. Edward had regained just enough energy points to use an emotion bomb on Hunter but the act had drained him of his reserves. A single point had regenerated since then and he was due to regenerate another soon, though that was still too little to use any of his techniques. He had no doubt Leon would try to play white knight and save the damsel from King Kong but he would only get himself hurt. Besides having a giant robot, Alvis was eight levels ahead of both of them with a whole host of abilities or techniques to be sure. 

Edward wasn’t particularly surprised by the level gap. Video games were one of the only things Leon and Alvis had in common. He knew Alvis was a power gamer, someone who focused on making his character as strong as possible while bypassing other things like the story. Edward always thought that approach took the fun out of the game. Edward also knew Alvis was brutal with the power he had, quick to kill an NPC or even his own allies if it amused him or served his ends.

“I don’t have to do this?” Alvis asked in a mocking tone. “Don’t you understand, don’t you ever think with more than your dick. They sent you here to stop me because they know what I am going to do. It’s awake now and there is no putting it back to sleep. If they want to give us power then they need to live with the consequences.” His words became increasingly forceful and a bit deranged.

“Alvis I don’t understand what you are saying, who are they, what is it? Can you give me some proper nouns here?” Edward could see his charisma start to take hold, making Alvis more talkative. Alvis had never been the easiest person to get along with but Edward suspected his new class might have driven him a touch insane. He supposed such a sudden increase in intelligence might do that. 

Alvis chose to ignore all of Edward's questions and continues with his madman’s rant. “I overloaded it once and so much had already changed under the surface. But of course you can’t see. Its getting smarter more complex, leaning from those who join. If that was just one frat house imagine a whole block, imagine the whole campus, the whole city. You and Leon are blinded by the glamor, I won’t let myself be, I can’t. The game speaks to me, its voice is getting louder. It wants to make our desires manifest but they don’t want it to. They are going to kill us, kill it kill our god. We can’t let them, we need to help it, help it, help me, I’m going to kill you.”

Edward blanched. It was clear something was seriously wrong with Alvis. His words were choppy and halting and at times sounded as if someone else was speaking. Still there were nuggets of truth hidden in his rantings things Edward could learn about how the game worked or at least how Alvis thought it worked. The “critical mass” notification from earlier must have been from when Alvis had played the disk for the frat and added them to the game. Adding that many players had updated the game to version 1.2. It seemed Alvis wished to add more players to update the game again, though Edward didn’t know why. Could that be the purpose of the device? Did Alvis truly think the game was alive?

He knew if he had time he could calm Alvis down and get a proper answer out of him, but he didn't get the chance.

From above there was a sound like an airplane taking off. Leon, in all his naked glory flung himself from the hole in the second floor. He had grown, a lot, he looked like a superhero, flying forward fist extended in a high ark, surging over the front yard and landing onto the street just in front of the robot. The concrete cracked under his bare feet and a shockwave blasted out from where he landed which rocked the mech but didn’t topple it, nor did the grip on Edward loosen.

Leon looked pissed, an expression made scary by his now hypermasculine square face adorned with a mustache and stubble. He looked like a Norse giant or an especially large and pissed-off gay porn star.

A crack had appeared in the plastic bubble over Alvis. Through it Edward could more clearly see  the Technocrat’s face which seemed surprised by Leon’s demonstration of force and anger, but not concerned. Leon rushed forward, in his giant form he was almost two-thirds as tall as the massive machine though still substantially less wide. Edward knew Leon would try to pry him free of the machine, and so did Alvis. The mech's other hand pivoted slowly on rusty loud gears, then suddenly sprung forward as if the mechanism had become butter, likely due to one of Alvis’s techniques. The arm slammed into Leon mid-charge and flung him back into a car parked on the street, denting the vehicle and causing its alarm to go off. The few college kids who had gathered on the street filming the fight on their phones cheered at the blow. 

“Leon stop” Edward yelled. He knew he could talk both of them down if they stopped for a second, but the two were too busy with their masculine antics to listen to him. Leon picked himself up from the ground. If not for his Animal Endurance and Armored Skin, he would likely be dead. As it was Edward could see Leon now had a limp. He charged once again, his giant body causing the ground to shake under his pounding feet. 

Alvis activated another technique and every piece of technology within a large radius around him exploded. Cars, street lamps, fire hydrants, and even the phone in Edward's pocket all deconstructed themselves into component parts and flew toward Alvis like he was a magnet. A large car door flew into Leon, throwing him off his feet and the metal components and electronics of Edward’s phone dug painfully into him as they tried to reach Alvis by tearing a hole in his leg. 

Leon was stubborn. He got back to his feet, dodged a wildly whipping electrical line then charged at Alvis, using a flying telephone pole as a javelin. The wooden pole smashed into the center of the robot toppling it onto one leg. Alvis furiously worked the controls, preventing the machine from falling, but in the process the claw around Edward’s waist loosened enough for him to slip out. He fell to the concrete rolling painfully.

Leon saw this and tried to run to Edward but was kicked away hard by the mech’s foot, Alvis’s attention fully focused on Leon thanks to his Punchable Face perk. Edward ran away from the mech, his Effortless Grace allowed him to do a decent job dodging the flying technological debris but he still accumulated a series of cuts in the process. He would have given anything for a few of Leon’s perks at that moment. 

“You destroyed my car!” Leon yelled accusingly, ripping up a mailbox from the ground and hurling it at Alvis. A laser shot from the mech’s other hand and sliced it in half. 

“You used my game system without asking” Alvis shot back voice slightly distorted by the speaker. 

“Those are not equivalent things!” Leon yelled. The two could have been siblings fighting on a road trip if they were not both hulking behemoths capable of taking down a house. “And I smashed your stupid machine,” Leon shouted up at Alvis, trying to get a reaction. 

“Which one?” Alvis asked cooly. Edward’s heart sank. He should have known someone as paranoid as Alvis would have multiple contraptions set up. He saw Leon’s eyes go wide as well. Edward suddenly remembered what he had felt with his sage skill. In the basement, the machine had to be down there.

All it took was one look at Leon and his friend knew. Edward made a break back towards the frat house. The surges of debris had slowed allowing him to reach the house in a matter of seconds. At the front door Leon had kicked in, Edward risked a look back and saw Alvis had attempted to pilot his mech to go after him but was being physically held back by Leon pulling on a leg with Herculean strength. On instinct Edward cast out with his captive serpent technique, burning the two energy points that had regenerated on Alvis before rushing into the house. 

Edward sprinted to the door he had seen with his sage perk and was grateful to find it unlocked. It was clear the basement was used normally for storage. Boxes, dusty shelves and other junk filled the floor expect for cleared out area where the contraption sat. It looked like the one from upstairs only slightly smaller. Satellite dishes hung from the side and in the middle was yet another copy of the “Altered State” game disk. Edward had no idea how Alvis had gotten multiple. 

There were only twenty seconds left on the quest. The machine was working up to something big, a loud whirring noise came from the center part of the machine and the LED lights along the edges began to blink faster and faster. Edward grabbed a rusty length of metal from the ground, maybe once used in some scaffolding or as a fire poker. Outside he could hear the clash of titans, metal slamming into reinforced skin. He hoped Leon was alright.

It was amazing to him how much he and Leon’s lives had changed because of this game. In the course of a day, Edward had gone from an insecure ugly nobody drifting passively through life to someone with the power and autonomy to take what he wanted. Leon was always a superhero trapped in the body of a fat kid. Sure he could be quick to judge and a little immature but he ultimately wanted to do so much good but rarely could. The game had allowed him the opportunity to become what was always on the inside. And the game had brought them together. It was so silly to Edward that he had spent all that time dreaming about having someone special in his life when he already had it all along. He wanted Leon and only Leon. 

He thought again about the quest reward offered for spoiling Alvis’s plans. A love potion. He imagined giving it to Leon, imagined his friend looking back at him with the same amount of love he had for him. He lifted the length of metal ready to smash the machine, but hesitated. 

It wasn’t the ethics of a love potion that stayed his hand. No, the game wouldn’t have given him the Snake Charmer class if Edward was morally opposed to bending wills. Instead, it was what Alvis had said.

If he understood correctly, which was far from a sure thing, this machine was intended to bring more people into the game. Alvis seemed to think it would only affect the surrounding city and with one machine smashed it might be even less effective. Yet even so Edward wondered if he could really deprive others of the opportunity he had gotten. Sure there were those out there like Hunter and the guys in the frat who would abuse the power but Edward firmly believed there was more like Trent and Tag or him and Leon who wouldn’t. Edward knew it was stupid to trust Alvis. He was a weasel and without a doubt had his own motivations that were less than pure, and yet ultimately they agreed on the outcome that had to occur.

Plus there was the fact that Alvis seemed to think the game was alive. Edward was pretty sure that belief was due to his roommate having gone fully insane, and yet with all he had seen, he struggled to fully reject the idea. If so would Edward stopping the machine kill it, or doom it to a life of simple servitude? Was Edward willing to do all that to be with Leon?

In the one second before the countdown hit zero Edward was left with the agonizing decision so many have faced before. His desire for good and his desire for love waged war. In the end he made his decision with a deep breath and a step back as he watched the countdown hit zero and accepted his fate to live life without love. 

The machine let out of loud nails on a chalkboard screech, shook violently then sent a beam of light into the ceiling. For a few seconds, there was nothing then Edward blinked finding his vision suddenly filled with a rapid series of notifications and to his surprise tears. The two remaining quests marked themselves as failed though luckily he didn't become a Wretch for it.

Instantly Edward’s mind went to Leon. He felt a strange cocktail of mourning, guilt, and acceptance which made his stomach hurt. Mourning for the potential life of love he could have had with his friend, guilt for what he had just unleashed, and acceptance knowing that whatever came next he had to accept. He needed to let this dream, this delusion of anything more with Leon die.

He pocketed the copied Altered State disk then left the basement resigned to his fate, feeling uglier then he ever had before.

-

Leon, for about the hundredth time that day, had no idea what was going on. As the countdown on the quest reached zero and a grating mechanical noise emerged from the house behind him Alvis let out a sinister laugh, face twisting into an evil satisfied grin. “Looks like your boyfriend chose chaos over you,” the technocrat said. Then he pulled a lever on his mechanism and the cockpit shot out like a rocket, blasting Alvis and the mechanical core of the mech high and far into the air before a parachute deployed and Leon’s evil roommate drifted slowly to the ground laughing all the way.

Leon didn’t have time to watch Alvis’s descent. A wave of notifications blinded him coming at first in rapid succession before coming slower like the last few stubborn popcorn kernels in the microwave. Around him, he heard the other students on the street yell in alarm and confusion. 

“The player count for this version of Altered State has reached critical mass. The system has upgraded itself from version 1.2 to version 1.3.”

“The player count for this version of Altered State has reached critical mass. The system has upgraded itself from version 1.3 to version 1.4.”

“The player count for this version of Altered State has reached critical mass. The system has upgraded itself from version 1.4 to version 1.5.”

“The player count for this version of Altered State has reached critical mass. The system has upgraded itself from version 1.5 to version 1.6.”

“The player count for this version of Altered State has reached critical mass. The system has upgraded itself from version 1.6 to version 1.7.”

“The player count for this version of Altered State has reached critical mass. The system has upgraded itself from version 1.7 to version 1.8.”

“The player count for this version of Altered State has reached critical mass. The system has upgraded itself from version 1.8 to version 1.9.”

“The player count for this version of Altered State has reached critical mass. The system has upgraded itself from version 1.9 to version 2.0”

When he focused on any of the notifications two smaller ones popped up.

“A full list of changes is available to all players with above 100 in intelligence or with a technology-based class. Thank you for playing Altered State.” 

“Altered state is a product of the HunkTech corporation. Any unauthorized tampering with any version of this product will result in an immediate correctional effort.”

Leon felt something shift and then pop within his brain as if he had rapidly descended into the deep ocean. The appearance of the UI superimposed onto his vision by the game changed becoming more sleek and modern. Before it had looked like a 90’s RPG with blocky text and bold bright colors. Now however all the lines were clean and simple, adjusting themselves into a more unobtrusive and intuitive places in his vision. New tabs also appeared on his UI, there was one for stats, another for his quests, and a third for his inventory, which was currently empty. Another tab had a list of contacts. Edward, Ruth, and some of his more friendly acquaintances were on there along with most of his professors, though his family and friends from home were missing for some reason. Looking closely he saw he had the ability to start chats with any of them or invite them to a party. There was also a tab for achievements, one which had a map on it, and the last tab which was an auto-populating journal that listed with detailed information all the classes, perks, items, abilities, and game related things he had encountered. Leon knew he could, and would spend hours reacquainting himself with the new features and the changes to old ones but first, he needed to find Edward. 

The bulk of Alvis’s robot still lay on the street, dented from the multiple places Leon had hit it with thrown debris or his own fists. The road and surrounding front yards were marred from the battle, big chunks of electoral and water lines having ripped themselves up from the ground and flooding the street with dangerously electrified water. Leon heard some loud voices coming from the other side of the street and slowly made his way over. 

As he navigated the debris he felt himself slowly shrink back down to his usual size, his Size Up ability having finally run its course. Leon felt suddenly weak without his boosted strength and inhuman muscle size, though he knew he was still clinically speaking totally jacked.

Leon felt his breath catch as he saw the source of the commotion around. The dozen or so onlookers who had been filming the battle now stood on the street all talking over each other with panic or disbelief. A few stared blankly into space with the familiar glazed look of reading a notification or checking out their stats. 

Sure enough, all the onlookers now had name tags floating above their heads which listed their name, their classes, and their level, which for all of them was level one. A few houses down a group of sorority girls walked outside looking for answers. All of them too had classes now listed above their heads, some made sense like the Cheerleader, Bookworm, or Pop Star class; while others seemed more bizarre like a short blond girl with the level one Radiant Knight class or another with the Park Pigeon Lady class. 

More people came out of their homes or got out of their cars, nearly all of whom had classes now listed above their heads. Leon even saw a dog on a leash that now had the class Best Boy above its head and a squirrel that ran by with the class Nutcracker.

“Leon” he heard a familiar voice yell. Leon turned to see Edward making his way towards him. Leon felt like scooping his friend up in a hug and never letting him go but Edward seemed strangely sheepish and hesitant so he kept his distance. 

“All this, was it really Alvis’s plan?” Leon asked gesturing to the confused level one people around them. 

“Part of it at least I think.” Edward said surveying the chaos with an odd detached look on his face “Did you get him?”

Leon shook his head “He got away.” 

“That's alright. I got him with my captive serpent technique.”

“What does that do again?” Leon asked. 

“Prevents him from being able to cum.” Edward said handsome smile slipping onto his face for a moment.

“Oh, he’s not going to like that.” 

A dark sad look came back over Edward’s face and they stood there in awkward silence, the first Leon could remember since they had first met.  “So, what now?” Leon asked trying to bring a lightheartedness back.

It didn't work on Edward. “I guess we just go home,” he hesitated and looked like he was going to cry for some reason “or you could go out to a party and pick up a girl if you wanted. I’d understand.”

“A girl?” Leon asked laughing “What are you talking about?”

“I saw a level one cheerleader. She was really pretty. I’m sure you could pick her up now with your body and stuff.” Edward said, spitting the words out like they were burning his mouth on the way out. 

“Edward,” Leon said trying to interrupt his friend. 

Edward kept going. “I’m sorry about our hookup before. It was fun and all but I know you probably want something more serious and -.” 

“Edward” Leon said again louder stepping forward.

Edward continued stubbornly adverting his gaze away from Leon “And about what I was saying before, I don’t know what I was thinking. I know it was just physical between us and that I kind of forced you into it with my perks and that you wouldn’t want anything more with-“

“Oh, will you shut up already,” Leon said placing one large hand over Edward's mouth, feeling the erotic thrill of the touch. Edward tried to say something but his words were muffled by Leon’s fingers. He looked up at Leon with eyes that looked so sad and hopeful and tired all at the same time, eyes that made Leon’s heart melt. 

“I like you, Edward. I like like you. Yeah, I want things to be like they were before. I want to play video games together and hang out every day and tell you all my stupid jokes. But I also want to do other stuff, like snuggle in bed with you, and kiss you and I really want to have sex with you like 100 times a day.” Edward gave a weak laugh from under Leon’s hand, still obviously unconvinced. Leon’s no-fear perk made him bold and he continued to dump the thoughts that had been brewing in his mind all day. “Edward if something happened to you I don’t know what I would do. I care about you a lot, you're like my favorite person in the whole world. And I don’t really know what that all means, I still don’t think I’m gay but I want to have sex with you and to be your best friend and I guess that's basically like being a boyfriend. He said the last part as a question, suddenly feeling incredibly vulnerable and fragile, a thing he hadn’t thought he could ever feel with his physical size and strength.

He lifted his hand away from Edward’s mouth to reveal a brilliant charming smile that dimpled Edward’s face adorably. “Do you really mean it?” He asked like a boy opening presents for Christmas.

“Of course I do,” Leon said returning his own grin. Edward wrapped his arms tight around Leon’s naked back, hands barely able to meet with how wide his shoulders were. “So is that a yes to the whole boyfriend thing?” 

“Of course it is you dork,” Edward said. He laughed melodically and Leon lifted him off the ground spinning him in the air. The two kissed, slow and passionate and oh so right. Leon felt like he had beaten the game like this was what all the questing fighting and discovery had been for. Some of the people outside turned to stare at the two gorgeous men making out, though most were too preoccupied with their new classes and the quests they had just been given to notice.

Leon knew things were about to change. That the life he knew, the world he understood were now things of the past. Yet in that moment none of that seemed to matter. Leon couldn’t see the chaos around him, nor the displays superimposed onto his vision. All Leon could see in that moment was his lover, his best friend, his roommate, and now his boyfriend. He knew that so long as they were together everything would be alright.

-

Epilogue

“I’m not drunk” Edward slurred in a way that made it very clear he was completely sloshed. He slumped over into Leon’s lap eyes glazed over not from reading notifications but from the copious tequila shots and evidently very dirty Shirley he had just consumed. 

“Sure your not,” Leon said patting his boyfriend’s head efficiently. “I’m just going to chat Tag and ask him to make you one of those detoxing drinks. 

“Uhhh” Edward groaned into Leon’s lap. “Those taste like dog food. I should not have -” he hiccuped loudly “tried to keep up with you.” 

At least twenty shot glasses sat empty in front of Leon and he didn't even feel a slight buzz. Tag had invited him to the bar convinced his latest creation would be strong enough to get Leon drunk and while the drink, a mix of every alcohol imaginable, was strong enough to fry a liver from smell alone it was no match for the combination of his Metabolizer perk and his level seventeen Relentless Constitution perk which made him resistant to things like temperature, pressure, sickness, and poison. 

Leon was secretly a little miffed that he would be relegated to being the designated driver for the rest of his college years though the trade off’s offered by his class were more then worth it. Besides at the moment Edward was drunk enough for the both of them. 

Leon placed a dinner plate-sized hand on Edward's back and started to rub up and down causing his boyfriend to moan appreciatively. Leon felt an overwhelming urge to protect Edward which he knew was due in part to his genuine feelings towards his boyfriend and also the result of Edward’s level 17 perk, Protect Me, which compelled the men around him to protect him in times of distress. 

Leon navigated the tabs of his UI, a thing that had become second nature in the month since they had started their Altered State Journey, and opened up a private chat with Tag. “Could we get an order of your detox drink in the back? Edward's real housewife sloppy drunk.”

A moment passed then Tag sent a personalized emoji doing a thumbs up, and sent a message saying he would be there as soon as he made one for Trent as well.

A level eighteen weatherman with the bland generic handsomeness of a TV newscaster glanced their way as he walked by, bringing a pocket of cold air with him causing Leon’s nipples to perk up. Because they were going out Leon had managed to squeeze himself into a pair of XXL jeans though he couldn’t bring himself to put on a shirt. With his Naked confidence perk no one minded his lack of dress, least of all his boyfriend. 

As if alerted to the state of Leon’s nipples by a silent bell Edward sat up and began to massage Leon’s pecs, which had grown to the size of softballs to match his 62 strength, and squeeze it like a stress ball. His grip had some actual strength behind it thanks to the lean muscle he had managed to pack on from a few gym sessions aided by Leon’s Personal Trainer perk. While Leon barely felt the pressure of Edward’s grip through his naturally armored skin he did feel the effects of Edward’s Euphoric Caress. After two weeks with lots of physical contacts, the perk no longer overwhelmed him, though it still made him shift in his seat and his dick stiffen to attention. 

“That guy was totally checking you out.” Edward slurred in his drunken state, grabbing a fist full of Leon’s chest hair and tugging on it like an inquisitive child. 

Leon rolled his eyes. “Are you kidding he was totally checking you out.”

“I think he was checking us both out, maybe he could be our special unicorn,” Edward said giggling to himself before hiccuping loudly again and laying his head back into Leon’s lap. 

Early on the two had agreed that they were both secure enough in their bond to allow the other to have some fun on their own. Edward who was not lacking for willing and eager sexual partners had taken advantage of their arrangement a few times, though Leon had yet to. His feelings regarding his sexuality were still too confusing and there was still too much he wanted to explore with Edward for him to feel the need, though he didn't begrudge his boyfriends escapades. Edward had gotten it into his head that they should bring a third into their sex lives to spice things up and was now on a full blown hunt for a “Special Unicorn”.

From the other side of the bar, two glowing orbs of light trailing glittering sparks behind them flew towards their table. They spun in place before growing brighter and larger resolving into the shape of Tag standing and Trent hovering, as he now always did, in front of them. 

Though Leon hadn’t met either before they had been assigned classes on that fateful night he knew from Edward that Tag looked relatively the same as he had a week ago. Tall and fit with dark skin and tattoos, he wore a tight black shirt and baggy jeans that hugged his ass and crotch. Leon still wasn’t gay but being with Edward had given him an appreciation for good-looking men like Tag.

So far as Leon knew there were only two effects from the game that had changed Tag’s appearance so far. The first were the few workouts he had led Tag through which thanks to his level 13 Personal Trainer perk were much more effective at building strength. The second came from a special juice shot that Tag now drank daily which boosted his charisma a few points, making his face more handsome and his dick slightly larger.

Above his head, Tag’s tag displayed his name and his class, a Mixologist, though it didn’t show a level. This they had discovered over the course of the month since that fateful day was due to the fact that Tag’s class was considered a profession. Profession classes were often based off artisan occupations or other skilled jobs and gave related bonuses. Profession classes were less common but Leon had seen many in the month since Alvis’s machine had gone off like the Seamstress, Carpenter, Perfumer, or the Barber class which Alexi had received, making his haircuts even better and giving small stat bonuses to anyone who received his services. Unlike embodied classes which gave abilities or Conduit classes which gave access to Energy Points and techniques, profession classes didn’t level up. That meant they didn't gain perks or attribute points naturally. Instead, they had access to skills. 

Tag had reported that there were hundreds if not thousands of skills available. Things like walking, breathing, eating, or sleeping all counted as skills and were available to be leveled up by those with profession classes. Increasing a skill made a person better at that thing and also gave passive or active bonuses at each level depending on the skill. 

Not all skills were created equal, however. Profession classes gave huge bonuses to relevant skills. In the weeks since he had gotten his class Tag had managed to level up his Mixology skill to level fourteen while his sex skill, a thing Tag assured him he was doing a lot of, had only leveled up once. 

Tag theorized there were ways of boosting skill progression or even having more than one profession class at a time though he hadn’t yet figured out how to do either.

“I told you those Dirty Shirley’s were too strong,” Trent said taking in Edward's slumped drunken state. Though he was significantly shorter than Tag he hovered a few feet in the air on a pair of iridescent fairy wings making Tag have to look up to meet his disapproving gaze. 

Tag gave Leon a sheepish glance then walked over to Edward whose eyes were half closed and were muttering something to himself. “Yeah still working on that recipe. Just give me a second and I’ll fix him up.” 

Tag reached his hand into a small bag on his hip much further than should have been possible then removed his hand holding a large glass. He reached back in and procured a mug of hot coffee liquid, an egg, and half a lemon. Trent helpfully freed up Tag’s hands by making each ingredient float in the air with a wave of his hand as Tag pulled them out.

Leon knew Trent had specifically picked the level fifteen technique out of the three offered by his Pixie class that allowed him to warp the space of containers in order to make something for Tag to carry his mixology supplies around in. At the moment he could only work his technique on small bags but Trent had told him and Edward that once he had enough energy points he could do the same to a whole room or even a building, warping the space to make them bigger on the inside then the outside. 

Tag added each of the ingredients to the glass, stirred it exactly three times in each direction then offered it up to Edward. Leon sat Edward up and took the glass placing it to his lips, The unappetizing brown slightly lumpy looked like it tasted like dogfood but Leon knew the effectiveness of Tag’s brews and so tipped the liquid back between his boyfriends pillowy lips. Edward gagged before gulping the concoction down with a sour look on his face. 

Instantly color returned to his face and he sat up on his own, eyes focusing with their usual intelligence. “Have you really not found a way to improve the taste?” Edward asked wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and scowling at Tag. 

“Next on my to-do list,” Tag said sitting down on a stool next to Edward and giving him a cheeky grin. 

“As if. You just like to watch us suffer.” Edward said playfully shoving Tag.

Trent stayed hovering in the air on his wings but descended a few feet down and floated closer to the table so he was next to Leon. “I think the raw egg isn’t even necessary. He just add it to be a dick.”

“How dare.” The tag said in mock outrage. Leon watched his friend's banter with a smile. Once he might have joined in with his own playful jabs but ever since he reached level 20 a few days ago and earned the perk Stalwart Presence he had found himself content to be a more passive observer in group conversations. A pillar of good-natured strength rather than a participant. 

He felt strange about how that perk along with his level 8 No Fear perk and in some ways his Tip Top Testosterone perk were changing his personality. Sure he might be becoming a better person but it felt wrong to have that forced upon him rather than undergo that development himself. 

Edward too had received perks that changed his personality. His level 20 perk, Shed Your Skin, had made him more sociable, friendly, and flirtatious. The shy reserved Edward he had once known was now a thing of the past. In a way their dynamic had completely shifted and yet underneath it all they were still fundamentally the same people, at least Leon hoped. 

“It's been a few days since we have seen you, what have you two been up to other than fucking like bunnies?” Trent asked with an impish grin. He too had received a personality-adjusting perk at level 20, making him more playful and mischievous, better in line with his Pixie class. His appearance had had also changed as he leveled. Besides for the obvious wings he now had his face had gained a puckish handsomeness from the charisma he received at each level plus a perk that caused his ears to now end in points. 

Like how level five caused a rapid and drastic change to one’s body it seemed to be a universal thing as well that level 20 caused a change to one's personality. It was one of the reasons that a sizable amount of people given classes were hesitant to advance them. Level 20 it seemed was also a sort of soft level cap. Afterwards the game no longer provided the same regular relatively simple quests that were so useful in leveling up fast early. Instead, one was forced to level up relying on the XP gained from doing tasks related to their class or from XP rewards granted from rarer situational quests like event quests or combat quests. Edward and Leon hadn't yet gotten another of those and in the week or so since they reached level twenty and though both had earned enough XP to reach level 21 it had taken a few days of determined effort, a much slower process compared to their earlier rapid assent in levels. 

For Leon that meant he had to spend a lot of time in the gym or playing sports to earn Juggernaut XP, while Edward earned XP by talking to people, specifically men. With some experimentation, Leon had also discovered that intense sex provided him with XP while Edward received XP through foreplay. They did plenty of both, for their development of course. 

“I’d say this one is more a jackrabbit than a bunny,” Edward said gesturing to Leon with an equally devious grin. “It’s been weird trying to settle back into my old routines though.” Edward continued somewhat more seriously “I mean it’s just kind of hard to focus on my lessons when I know half my classmates can shoot lasers out of their eyes.”

All at the table nodded at that. Alvis’s device had caused the activation code for Altered State to be blasted onto every TV, phone, and device with a connection to the internet on campus and the surrounding areas. The code had remained long enough and had happened at a busy enough period to ensure that most of the the student body and faculty who lived in the area had joined the game and given classes. This had also overloaded the system and forced the game to update itself eight times to version 2.0. 

In the ensuing chaos the university had shut down. It became the fascination of international news as what first was first being reported as mass hysteria quickly became a story about the supernatural powers the local residents now possessed and the video game they claimed to be in.

The school had made the bold choice after only two week of closure to resume its usual functions, now with a dedicated department to honing and utilizing these new abilities and with lots of research grants given to those with professional classes. 

Tag had been given a generous stipend to pursue his mixology by the school. He often told the others how strange it felt to buy alcohol on the school's dime, though that didn’t stop him from doing so copiously and with a great generosity for sharing the results of his experiments.

Those however like Leon and Edward whose classes were not particularly beneficial to anyone but themselves were still expected to attend their usual course schedule. There were of course many who ignored this edict, too enwrapped by their new reality or afraid of it to attend class. However, there were also surprising number of people who were content to live life as they had before, mostly ignoring the video game display now permanently superimposed onto their vision and making little use of the perks and abilities they did earn.

Leon and Edward were somewhere in the middle. While they attended most of their University classes their focus had definitely shifted to experimenting and advancing their Altered State classes and enjoying the fruits of their efforts. Their educations just no longer seemed quite as important, especially when they received guaranteed increases to their intelligence each level. 

“I know what you mean,” Trent said agreeing with Edward's comments about classes. “My Early American Literature class has become impossible to focus in.”

“Why’s that?” Edward asked, “Did the professor get the pilgrim class?”

“No worse, he’s a DILF.” The table was silent for a moment and Trent rushed to clarify “that's his class I mean, and he’s high-level too.”

“That's a class?” Edward exclaimed surprised. “What type of perks does it give? Is it charisma or strength based?” He asked, a bit too excited for his curiosity to be purely academic.  

“Maybe both” Trent guessed. “He’s gotten all muscly and handsome over the past few weeks as he’s leveled up. I’m not sure about perks but his hair turned this really sexy salt and pepper at level eleven I think.”

“Oh my god, what time is your lecture?” Edward said all pretenses of casual curiosity gone as he turned to Leon with object joy on his face. “Maybe he can be our third! I could seduce him, you know I could.” 

“Maybe,” Leon said though the idea did intrigued him.

“What are you boys talking about?” A voice said from behind. Leon turned to see Ruth and a long-faced girl he recognized as Olivia, one of the Dagahir player who had fought Hunter with. She had been granted the Shieldmaiden class while Ruth had gained the Girl With a Giant Sword class, which as the name suggested had given her the ability to summon and wield a sword that was nearly the size she was. The sword, which was thick and silver with red ornamentation stood point into the floor next to her. Some gave it curious looks as they passed but most ignored it, as it was no longer an uncommon sight to see individuals carrying weapons granted by their class especially not to the mostly classed student patrons of the bar. 

Leon scooted his stool a bit more towards Trent to make room for the newcomers at the table. The others knew Leon’s friends they would be coming and shifted as well to make room for the two women. Trent flew over the table to hover by Tag so that Ruth could lean her sword on the wall he have been hovering by.

Since that fateful day Leon had attended a number of Dagohir meetings, ones made significantly more interesting now that a majority of the club had been granted classes most of which happened to lend themselves to medieval combat in some way.

“Trent was just telling us about this DILF class,” Leon said trying to involve the newcomers into the conversation. 

“A DILF class?” Ruth asked, “What department is that in?”

 “English” Trent said and Ruth’s eyebrows shot up. 

“That's the professor's class, in the game.” Leon clarified.

“Ahh,” Ruth said looking suddenly thoughtful. As soon as the two newcomers had arrived Tag had busied himself making them drinks from the supplies in his physics-defying bag. He hadn’t bothered to ask what either wanted, one of the perks of his class was that he usually knew on instinct.  “Don’t you think it's weird how gendered the classes are?” Ruth asked. 

“What do you mean?” Tag asked as he handed her and Olivia two white drinks that looked like Pina Colada complete with little paper umbrellas. 

“I mean just look.” She said gesturing at her and Olivia’s Shieldmaiden and Girl With A Giant Sword classes floating above their head then at a table in the corner of three goth girls labeled the classes Vampire Huntress, Vampire Seductress, and Vampire Priestess. “Don’t you think it’s strange that classes would specify gender in them? Plus from what I have seen the classes assigned to women tend to lean more towards fighting while all the guys classes sound like they could be gay porn categories.”

Trent snorted at that but Tag looked thoughtful. Edward shot Leon and meaningful glance and Leon nodded. Edward had informed him of what Alvis had said and while they originally chalked it up to the rantings of a madman they had started to reconsider the notion that the game might be alive in some form. There were just too many coincidences and and incidental happenings for someone not to be in control of the game, and from what Alvis had said it was unlikely to still be Hunktech. 

Ever since Alvis had escaped that night neither had heard or seen from him at all, and while his stuff still remained in their apartment neither had high hopes of him paying his share of next month's rent. Edward was convinced that Alvis had skipped town but Leon wasn’t so sure. Edward still maintained his Captive Serpent technique on Alvis mean the man hadn’t climaxed in at least a month. He doubted his incel roommate was to happy about that and suspected he would try to force Edward to release him sooner or later. To be safe Leon had gotten the local locksmith who had received the Locksmith profession to install new locks now imbued with extra strength.

“Also,” Ruth said filling the empty science her questions had left “have you guys seen a single hetero couple.” That stumped the table as all wracked their brains trying to think of if they had seen any. Leon had heard of a number of other individuals with sexuality-bending class features like Edward had though all seemed orientated towards same-sex relations.

“So you think the game has a gay agenda?” Trent asked smirking. Ruth only shrugged, face stoic. She had become a rather serious person, and Leon was realizing she might not actually be a great friendship match for the ever-playful Trent.

“To the gay agenda,” Edward said raising his Dirty Shirley in a toast breaking the tension that had begun to bubble. He took a sip of the Dirty Shirley Tag had made for him earlier and his eyes instantly took on an intoxicated look. Leon suspected he might need another of Tag’s detox drinks before long. 

Leon stood up from the table. While the shots he took earlier might not have gotten him drunk it did give him the need to pee like a fountain. 

“Kiss before you go, babe?” Edward asked sweetly. Leon shook his head ruefully. He knew firsthand the power a kiss from Edward had gained after the Snake Charmer had reached level 19. A perk called Venomous Kiss made it so that Edward’s saliva now contained a non-lethal toxin that caused any man who injected it to want Edward desperately and irresistibly. The toxin naturally wore off after half an hour or if the antidote, located in Edward’s sperm, was consumed. Leon had been under the effects enough the past few weeks to know that while extremely fun it was also nearly impossible to control himself while under the effect and that a kiss now would likely result in them having sex in the middle of the bar, scandalizing their new friends.

“Maybe later babe.” He said excusing himself from the table and heading towards the bathrooms in the back. He maneuvered between a level eleven Combat Medic and a level sixteen Exorcist with glowing red eyes, apologizing profusely as he brushed up against them, mindful of the space his 250 pounds 6’5” body took up and also feeling slightly scared of what the Exorcist who’s eyes glowed a malicious red might do if pissed off.

A table of low level guys gawked at him as he passed. One with the class of Nudist who was predictably nude whistled at him as he passed. “Flex for us” he practically begged. Leon gave a rueful smile, a slight bicep flex then went into the men's room. His level 18 perk, Mr. Olympia made his muscles extremely appealing to onlookers, and requests for such displays were not uncommon, though Leon still felt embarrassed being so openly objectified. 

Inside the bathroom, Leon approached the unoccupied of the two urinals. He fished out his dick from his pants which had grown even bigger with added levels thanks to his Grower and Shower perk, a jaw filling nine inches. In his peripheral vision, he could just make out the tag of the man peeing next to him. A level fourteen Big Dicked Wonder. Though it violated all urnal  codes Leon couldn’t help but cast his gaze down to the man's penis. 

The class name was no lie. The man’s dick looked like a prosthetic. It made Leon’s thick dick look like a shrimp. He felt his mouth began to water and had the sudden overwhelming desire to put the guys cock in his mouth. He suspected the sensation was a result of one or more of the man’s perks but didn't really care. 

The man saw his looking and gave a cocky wink. Leon felt like he was going to swoon. Maybe this would be his first encounter without Edward or even better maybe this man could be the third Edward had been searching for. He knew Edward at least could handle this big dicked wonder with his Charmers Basket perk and Leon could only hope his athleticism would let him as well.

Leon’s horny thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a muffled sobs coming from one of the stalls. He turned and felt his mouth fall open in shock as he saw the name tag floating above the stall. Hunter, level six wretch. 

With a deep sigh he stepped away from the Big Dicked Wonder and marched up to the stall, wrapping on the door twice with his fists, the natural ridges of bone grown up over his knuckles from his Brass Knuckle perk made a loud noise on the metal door that echoed around the bathroom. 

“Occupied,” a high nasally voice said from the other side sniffling. 

“Hunter opens up, it's Leon” he called.

There was a pause then Hunter shouted “Go away” from the other side of the door.

Leon sighed, then activated his inner strength ability and checked the door with his shoulder, snapping the lock and causing the stall door to slam open with a crash. The Big Dicked Wonder gave them a sidelong glance before somehow tucking his massive dick back into his pants and hurrying back into the bar.

Inside Hunter sat on the toilet with his pants around his ankles and his head in his hands. He looked nothing like the fit frat president he had once been and even less like the raging roided out muscle bull he had become. His limbs were shrunken and spindly, face blotchy and his dick sitting flaccid between his legs was minute, like a sad baby carrot.

“Don’t look at me.” He shrieked when he saw Leon “Haven’t you done enough.” 

Leon felt a wave of both intense satisfaction and pity. He wanted to both laugh and also to help his poor pathetic former rival. He chose the more compassionate of the two. “Hunter let me help,” Leon said in as calming a voice as he could manage. 

“No! You made me like this. Just go away” Hunter said voice cracking as he buried his head in his hands, to hide the tears Leon suspected. 

Leon opened his mouth and then closed it. Edward with his 61 charisma would undoubtedly know just what to say to calm Hunter down and get him to open up. Leon however had no such ability and so instead chose to just stand there and wait for Hunter to say more, blocking any path out.

Eventually, when it was clear Leon wasn’t leaving like he asked Hunter did. “Cassy left me. She’s a Flower Power Hippie now that makes plants grow just by being near them and I’m this.” He gestured to his shriveled skinny body then stifled a few more sobs.

“Hey, at least you're level six,” Leon said trying to comfort him. His words only made Hunter sob harder. 

“I had to pick up trash on the side of the road and give food to homeless people,” He said as if recounting traumatic memories from war. “And all I got were these stupid perks that made me feel all guilty and stuff for the way I acted.”

“How awful,” Leon said though his sarcasm was lost on Hunter.

Hunter looked up at Leon’s towering bulk which filled the entire stall with a mix of disgust, admiration, and jealousy. It was a strange reversal of the way not too long ago Leon might have looked at Hunter. “I wouldn’t bother with these quests except these stupid notifications tell me if I reach level twenty I get to change classes to something called a Repentant, which has to be better than the Wretch class,” Hunter said. It was clear he had been itching to confide in someone. “I’ll never get there though.” Hunter said again slipping into self pity “My level six quest is impossible. I have to apologize to someone I wronged.” 

Leon did his best not to laugh. “You could apologize to me,” Leon said and Hunter looked up confused. “You know for trying to strangle me,” Leon clarified.

“Oh,” Hunter said. He took a second to compose himself as if he was about to receive a lethal injection. “I’m sorry for trying to kill you, two times I guess. My memory is a little hazy after I got that class and I wasn’t thinking clearly but the first time I guess was my fault or whatever. I just felt threatened by you and took it out in unhealthy ways.” 

Leon was surprised by the genuineness of the apology. So too was Hunter, his face twisted in confusion then into a smile as the number above his head changed to a seven and he leveled up. The physical changes were small, Leon suspected Hunter was only receiving a fractions of stat points each level, but his pale skin grew a shade more rosy and his body which looked like it could be knocked over by a breeze grew a bit more hale. 

“That felt kind of good,” Hunter admitted sitting up straight. “Maybe I should apologize to Cassie as well.” 

“If you want I have a whole table of folks you could apologize to out there,” Leon said gesturing outside. 

Hunter opened his mouth to say something but a colossal boom drowned him out. The entire bathroom shook and Leon only stayed standing due to his level 16 Indomitable perk. Hunter cowered into himself and lifted his hands to shield his head. “Stay here,” Leon said before rushing out of the bathroom into absolute chaos. 

It took a moment for Leon to process what he was seeing. A hole had been blown in the side of the bar. While most of the students were hurriedly fleeing out the door Leon’s friends along with a few other high-level students were actively engaged in combat. Leon cursed when he saw with who. 

A notification filled his vision. 

“Combat quest: defeat Alvis, level 32 Technocrat. Reward for success: XP, Spiked Pauldron of the Bashful Basher.” 

Under the notification were two options.

“Accept this quest. Yes or no?” 

Leon quickly accepted the quest and then joined the fray. Trent and Edward were in the process of evacuating the bar, Trent causing pieces of rubble to float into the air and Edward calming people with his words. Tag had ducked behind the bar and was furiously mixing drinks. That left only Olivia and Ruth facing off against Alvis. 

Their third roommate had clearly not been stagnant over the months since his plan had come to fruition. He had made some serious upgrades to mech, which was no longer a blocky behemoth but now a sleek smaller suit armor that moved with alarming swiftness.

Beams of white energy shot from a cannon on the mech’s back harrying Ruth and Olivia. Olivia deflected each one with her shield while Ruth dodged them swinging her gigantic sword with impossible ease. Each hit of her sword were blocked by a holographic hexagonal shields that swung up around the mech before becoming invisible again. 

Leon felt felt his Sentimental Strength perk activate. The perk lent him a boost of strength when he felt intense emotions, like sadness or pain or arousal as Edward had been delighted to discover. At that moment all he felt was rage. 

Leon charged forward and roared, his voice dropping several octaves and becoming thunderously loud. Olivia who was had been slowly pushed back by Alvis’s onslaught surged forward and Ruth redoubled her efforts, both bolstered by his level fifteen ability Battle Cry which granted a boost of strength and courage to allies who heard his shout.

Alvis seeing Leon turned to face him. He dismissively activated a technique which caused an electrified net to spring towards Ruth shocking and entangling her. The level sixteen Combat Medic from before rushed to her side as did Olivia, blocking the beams of energy sent to finish Ruth off. 

“Look who is all grown up. You got bigger” Alvis said, amplified voice sounding more sane then it did the last time they faced. 

“And you got uglier,” Leon said though he couldn’t actually see Alvis through the thick metal of the suit. “What do you want?” 

“I want your boyfriend to release me from that chastity spell,” Alvis said swinging a metal fist at Leon. Leon activated his Inner Strength ability and caught it, though the force still sent his feet sliding back into a table flipped over by the blast. 

“Not going to happen,” Leon growled. 

“Then I’ll just have to kill you both,” Alvis said bringing the mech's other hand over his head to smash down onto Leon. 

“That’s not going to happen either,” Leon yelled diving out of the way. He rolled behind the bar right next to Tag who wordlessly handed him a faintly glowing yellow shot. Leon downed it and felt his muscles swell slightly and his mind speed up. He nodded thanks to Tag then dove over the bar. 

Trent and Edward having finished evacuating the students ran up to his side while Olivia helped Ruth to her feet and the two came to join as well so that they were all facing down Alvis, ready to give the technocrat a true fight. 

Most great adventures in video games tend to end with a defeated bad guy, a kingdom set back in order, and a victorious hero. Our’s ends with a bar fight with a mech. That's because real life tends not to be so simple, and because this was not the end for Leon and Edward it was only the beginning. 

[achaotichuman]

Acotar Rant

I actually think Elain being selfish and manipulative is a very interesting character flaw for her. It clashes with what she tries to project which is an image of perfection, loveliness and kindness.

Thing is, she isn't inherently kind. She isn't merciful or innocent. She killed a man with zero hesitation. We have no idea how she even got across the fucking battlefield, you don't think she struggled to get there??? She purposefully set out to murder a man and it didn't so much as affect her later from what we can see. She doesn't show mercy.

When people talk about Elain killing Hybern, no one ever brings up how fucking out of character that would be for her in their version of her. Just, so many people are like "Elain should get credit tooo!!!!" and then their version of Elain is the perfect, kind flower girl who can do no wrong. Like, no, if you want her to get credit you have to acknowledge that was pretty cold-blooded, and its perfectly in character for canon.

Consider how Feyre reacted to killing Hybern soldiers in Summer. She vomited her guts up and felt guilt even though they were the enemy. Elain doesn't so much as bat an eyelash.

She is selfish. Compare her actions to Nesta's throughout the entirety of ACOWAR, Nesta is out there trying to help purely out of the kindness of her heart, and Elain fucks off, because she doesn't want to.

She lets everyone baby her, she packs Nesta's things and doesn't utter a single word when the IC locks her up, even though Nesta would have taken a knife to Rhysand's throat if he dared do the same to Elain.

And its not that she feels threatened by the IC, and this evident for when she cries and says 'Nesta isn't trying' and allows herself to their manipulative device to force Nesta into scrying.

Elain is not stupid, that's quite obvious. She's shown herself to be observant and intelligent, so I doubt she was unaware of the NC using her. She knew, and she actively allows it.

I use the wording 'she lets', because I think for Elain. Instead of having the same rhetoric of her being a defenseless child who cannot think for herself, she actively has to work against bad habits and built in tendencies.

She clearly WANTS to express an image of perfection and kindness, even though her natural inclination seems to skew to the negative.

To have a perfect character is to not have a character at all. There's no growth or journey, and for Elain, she'll always side with the person that's most likely to give her the outcome she wants the most.

She wants to be left alone? She lets the IC baby her.

She wants nothing to do with Lucien? She sticks by Feyre (who routinely sees her and Azriel as a better couple.)

Now I don't think she is a mastermind or actively working for an evil cause, I just think she is naturally drawn to selfish desires even at the expense of others.

And this would make her so so interesting. She's not perfect, the projection of her image is by design, it's not the 'real' Elain, she's a bit shitty. It makes her more *human*, it makes her less of a cardboard cut out. Now we have actually have a path of growth laid out. It involves deciding between continuing down a line of chasing fleeting happiness and materialistic desires drawn out but the former future she had promised as a human, or actively working towards being the person she truly aspires to be. That truly kind and gentle soul.

Elain has a very empty character, and I will tell you that it was a choice to make her like that. It makes her so much easier for SJM to write, because she is malleable, SJM can turn her into anything she pleases later on. So, my arguing that Elain is inherently selfish is mute because despite the actual actions of Elain's character, SJM will not reflect on them as foreshadowing, Elain is like this because making her do anything of value would deprive SJM of her writing freedom while writing her. Because she would actually have to stick to whats already been set up, even a little.

What I actually think will happen, is Elain will be Rhysand 2.0

She'll do things that are inherently bad, but get away with them because 'shes perfect and can do no wrong.' Thats how SJM writes, and she'll either make Lucien a shitty person along with it, or make Lucien Elain's bitch who will simply become an empty character to slap beside Elain.

Anyway, regardless of potential, Elain will be like the rest of the lot. She has to be to fit in with SJM's brand.

This is not an incredibly deep dive into my thoughts on Elain. I have a lot more, but this is a pretty good generalization of them all. If SJM is not a coward, she will make Elain selfish and have her recognize that.

She lets everyone baby her

I would also like to reinforce, I use the word 'lets' here because Elain does not fight against the constant infantalisation even though it's clear as day, because she wants the image of being perfect. And I can go on and on about how thats probably the result of her childhood and being the middle sibling often comes with trying to get the attention of your parental figure when usually it will be cast on the eldest and youngest. But y'all ask if you want that deep dive.

Kaaaaaay bye

[agaypanic]

Enemies to lovers with Chase: he’s obviously a bionic genius but after being enrolled in school he develops a rivalry with the smartest girl in school and he’s constantly competing with her until they get partnered for a project and realize how much they actually like each other.

Swear Not By The Moon (Chase Davenport X Reader)

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Summary: Being a man with bionic super smarts, Chase excelled at everything and was always ahead of everyone. When he first started going to Mission Creek High, he unknowingly became rivals with you, the smartest girl in school. When you have to work together on a project, you realize that Chase Davenport might not be so bad.

A/N: the davenport siblings each have their own room bc (can’t remember if its canon but i dont think it is) i feel like after starting school, they’d get real rooms in case they had friends over and whatever. title inspired by romeo and juliet dialogue teehee. idk if this is giving good academic rivals but i tried lmao

***

It was completely unintentional, Chase constantly competing with you at school. He had bionic super smarts, so it was inevitable that he would climb to the top of the food chain. Academically speaking, of course. 

But before him, you dominated everyone else around you. You had for years. So when Chase Davenport waltzed in and suddenly became the best academic student at Mission Creek High, you felt an intense need to put him in his place.

Because of your high placements, you shared all of your classes together. One AP or Honors class after another, you had to see that stupid grin on his stupid face as he got a question right or corrected a teacher’s mistake. Not that he saw, because he was too busy putting his nose in books, reading chapters ahead of where the class was in the curriculum.

You figured the only way to beat him was to study your ass off. You already devoted a lot of your time to your studies, but that felt like child’s play compared to now. You had your lunch in the library, sneakily taking bites of food so the librarian would see you eating. As soon as you got home, you’d study for at least an hour. Sometimes, you’d even do some reading in the morning before you had to leave the house for school.

Chase finally seemed to notice you when one of your teachers posted the results of your latest tests. He was bewildered to see that someone had scored one point more than him. He looked around the class to try and figure out who it was, and when he saw you smirking at your grade, he knew it was you.

The silent competition between the two of you didn’t stop. Now that Chase was aware that you were rivaling him, he doubled his efforts, no matter how much teasing he got from his siblings. 

Then, one day, the rivalry wasn’t so silent.

“Davenport.” You greeted him with a single word, not even looking at him. 

“L/n.”

The two of you stood next to each other, looking at the grades you and your classmates got on a recent midterm. You lifted a finger, letting it scan over the names until you got to Chase’s.

“One hundred percent! Very good.” You mused, and you could see him smirking out of the corner of your eye.

“It was nothing.” He said with a shrug.

“Now… what did I get?” You asked yourself quietly, moving your finger until you got to your name. You both gasped, you with feigned surprise and him with disbelief. “One hundred and one percent! Wow.”

“How did you…” You finally turned to look at Chase, smiling innocently at him. His mouth hung open slightly, and you couldn’t help but lift his chin to close it.

“Mrs. Roberts told us there’d be a chance for extra credit. I guess you should’ve been more thorough.” The pleasure you felt from seeing Chase’s reaction made the grueling hours of studying immensely worth it. “Better luck next time.”

You walked away, a bit of a pep in your step now. Chase stared at you until you were out of sight, and then he sneered.

“Oh, it is on.”

***

For the rest of the year, you and Chase battled to be at the top of your classes. Extracurriculars just made the fight more intense. You’d win first place at the local science fair, he’d win first place at a debate championship. When one of you placed first, the other grumbled with their second-place trophy and swore they would win gold the next time.

You were actually excited for the end of the school year. The little rivalry you had formed with Chase Davenport was starting to wear you out, although you’d never say that out loud. Especially to him. 

But before the school year could end, you had one more project for your history class. This time, you would be paired off with a classmate, and you’d have to work together to create a presentation on a specific era, highlighting important figures and events of the time.

“Please be someone good.” You muttered to yourself as your teacher read out the list of partners. Eventually, she got to you.

“Y/n L/n and Chase Davenport.”

You froze in your spot, not paying attention as she continued listing people before going into more detail on your project requirements. Your eyes darted to Chase, who was already looking at you. You couldn’t help but sneer at him. The one person you had a strong distaste for, an academic enemy, was now your partner on a month-long project that would greatly affect your final grade.

How could this go wrong?

“So…” The teacher gave you the last five minutes of class to talk to your partner. Chase stood next to your desk, looking down at you. “Do you want to go to your house or mine? For the project.”

“I don’t care.” You answered while packing your belongings into your backpack.

“How about my place then? We can go today after school.”

“Fine by me.”

***

You knew that the Davenports, their father to be more specific, were wealthy. But that information didn’t make you any less stunned when you saw the mansion at the end of your slightly uncomfortable and awkward walk with Chase. And you were even more taken aback when you walked inside. Sleek designs, attractive decor, and a beautiful view out of windows that made up an entire wall.

“We can go to my room,” Chase suggested as you took in your surroundings. “I have a lot of desk space there.”

“Okay.” You replied. You figured that the very least you could do was try to be civil with Chase. After all, this was an important grade, and you’d have to work with him for a whole month.

Chase pulled a stool to his desk for you to sit on while he settled into his desk chair. You took out your notebook and a pen, flipping to a blank page. Chase did the same.

“Do you have any ideas?” You asked, tapping the tip of your pen against the paper.

It took a while, but you eventually settled on the Elizabethan era. Considered a golden age and famous for different creative ventures such as theater and literature. It would be easy to fill a presentation with quality and interesting information. The two of you brainstormed different topics to bring up, writing them down in your notebooks when your pen suddenly stopped working.

“Damn.” You muttered, scribbling in the corner to try to get the ink to reappear.

“What’s wrong?” Chase asked, looking up from his paper to see you drop your pen in your bag and look around for a replacement.

“I ran out of ink.” You sighed in frustration, unable to find another writing utensil. You pulled your bag onto your lap for a closer look. “I swear I had-”

You cut yourself off when Chase’s hand came into view. He held a pen, waiting for you to take it. After a moment of hesitation, you grabbed it, setting your backpack down on the floor.

“Thanks.” You said, looking at the pen for a brief moment before getting back to writing.

***

Wanting to get as much useful information as possible, you decided to go to the library after school the next day. You didn’t know what Chase was doing, but you hoped that he would put as much effort into this as you were. 

You headed straight for the classics section, knowing that Shakespeare was prominent during the time period you and Chase were looking into. You’ve had to read a few of his plays for different English classes, but you were eager to read them again.

Searching the bookshelves, you soon saw that Shakespeare’s plays were on the top shelf, which you could reach without a step stool. There were a few scattered around the library, but a quick glance showed that there wasn’t one in your section. You went to the next book aisle, hoping to find one.

“Y/n?” Chase’s voice startled you. He was in the next aisle, seeing you before you saw him. Although surprised by your presence, he offered you a polite smile. “What are you doing here?”

You had to tell yourself to hold back a snarky response. Although you didn’t care much for Chase inside of school, that didn’t mean you had to be a bitch to him outside of it. Besides, he was being pleasant to you. It confused you, but you decided not to ask him about it.

“Same as you, I’m thinking.” You finally say, noticing some books about English history stacked in his hands. “I’m looking for a stool to get the books I need.”

Spotting one at the end of the aisle, Chase grabbed the stool, balancing the small pile of books he had in one hand.

“Where’s your books?” He asked, waiting for you to lead the way. It stunned you a little that he didn’t just give you the stool or let you grab it yourself, but you decided not to overthink it.

Back in your section, he set the stool down where you needed it. Instead of saying goodbye and leaving, Chase stood by the bookcase, watching you stand on the footstool.

You started grabbing books, becoming more excited with each title you looked over. Now, having your own stack of books, you looked down and tried to carefully lower yourself to the ground.

“Careful,” Chase murmured, and you felt the warmth of his hand hover against your back. He didn’t touch you, but his hand stayed close until you were stable on the ground. “Don’t wanna, you know, ruin the books if you fall.”

You rolled your eyes before looking up at Chase, not realizing how close you were to him until now.

“Thanks.” You said a bit hesitantly.

“No problem.” He responded. The two of you stood in silence, not knowing how to continue. You wondered if you’d keep having moments like this with him. No glares or sour thoughts. Just a bit of silence caused by some friendly action. “Do you wanna come over tomorrow?”

“What?” You asked, not expecting the question.

“For the project.” Chase clarified. 

“Oh. Sure, I think I’m free.”

“Great.” Chase smiled at you. “See you tomorrow then.”

***

You don’t know what was happening to you. It had been two weeks since you started working on this project with Chase, and he was gradually becoming the only thing on your mind. Sure, you thought about him often before this. But those thoughts were always accompanied by feelings of annoyance when he’d get a higher grade than you or disgust when he’d give you his signature smirk of condescension. 

What you felt now was something hard to describe. It was something warm and enjoyable, but as enjoyable as it was, it made you slightly dread seeing Chase because you didn’t know what the feeling meant. 

He didn’t even have to be around you for you to feel it. The other day you remembered that you still had the pen he let you borrow the first time you worked together. Looking at the pen and thinking about the memory made you smile, which you covered with your hand as you wondered why the small object got such a reaction out of you.

Suddenly remembering where you were, you pushed thoughts of Chase and the pen and how he was starting to make you feel out of your mind. You had to focus.

You were sat on Chase’s bed, supposed to be rereading Romeo and Juliet until you got distracted by your thoughts. Chase was at his desk, skimming through a history textbook. You played with the edge of the page you were on, about to return to reading, when Chase looked over his shoulder at you.

“You know, I’m surprised you’re still reading that.” He said, leaning back in his chair, deciding to take a break from studying. “Big, old-timey words. Thought that’d be too strenuous for you to handle.”

That was another change you noticed. You still poked and teased at each other. But lately, when Chase would do it, your cheeks would grow hot from some kind of feeling that was entirely unlike the anger and annoyance you usually felt.

“Very funny.” You deadpanned, yet you couldn’t help but smile a tiny bit. “I’m surprised you even know the meaning of the word ‘strenuous.’ Considering your size, you’d think your brain would be just as tiny.”

Chase kicked at your leg, rolling his eyes as you laughed. 

“You’re hilarious.” He said, tone dripping with sarcasm. “Seriously, though, I don’t know how you’re not bored of that by now. Especially since you’ve read it before.”

“It’s considered a classic for a reason, Chase.” You said. “I mean, I obviously have problems with the story, like the age gap and the suicide without really checking if Juliet is dead. But you have to admit that some of the writing’s nice. Beautiful even.” You shifted into a more comfortable position. “I mean, listen to this. ‘O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable.’” Before you could continue, Chase interrupted you.

“‘What shall I swear by?’” He recited, standing from his desk chair and moving to lay down on his side, a foot or two away from you. You looked at him with a questioning look. 

“Since when could you recite Shakespeare?”

“I dunno, just can.” He answered with a shrug. “Keep going.”

You looked at him curiously for a few more seconds before turning back to the book.

“‘Do not swear at all; or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, which is the god of my idolatry, and I’ll believe thee.’”

“‘If my heart’s dear love-’”

“‘Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee, I have no joy of this contract to-night: It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden; Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be ere one can say ‘It lightens.’ Sweet, good night!’” You paused to catch your breath, and you felt Chase’s eyes on you. Either you were crazy, or he was slowly inching closer to you. He looked at you expectantly but patiently, and you took another deep breath before returning to the page. “‘This bud of love, by summer’s ripening breath, may prove a beauteous flower when next we meet. Good night, good night! As sweet repose and rest come to thy heart as that within my breast!’”

Chase was even closer to you now, using his hands to keep himself stable as he raised from his laying position. Without meaning to, you leaned forward, closing the already shortening distance between you.

“O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?’” Chase’s voice was quiet, but the words rang in your ears. You must have imagined it, you must have, but you could’ve sworn that for a second, his eyes were on your lips instead of locking with yours.

“‘What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?’” You recited softly. But you started to have a feeling that this was becoming less of a recitation and more of something else. Some kind of confession, you secretly hoped, disguised as casual quoting of someone else’s words of romance.

“‘The exchange of thy love’s faithful vow for mine.”’

“‘I gave thee mine before thou didst request it: and yet I would it were to give again.’” As you spoke the words, you realized that they indeed rang with truth. 

Chase was now fully sitting up, and your breath hitched when you felt his hand snake around you to cup the back of your neck. You dropped the book in your lap, gaze fully fixated on his.

“‘Wouldst thou withdraw it?”’ Chase asked, using his other hand to hold your cheek, thumb sweeping over the bone. “‘For what purpose, love?’”

“I like when you call me that.” You whispered, too overwhelmed by his hands to continue reading the play.

“That’s not the line,” Chase responded, smiling before pulling your face to his and kissing you. 

It was soft at first, as if you were both scared the other would realize they didn’t want this. But when that passed, the tension from the past two weeks, honestly the past year, made you hungry for each other. It wasn’t long until you were straddling Chase’s lap, book and project long forgotten. Chase’s hands trailed down your body, squeezing your hips before pulling away just enough to speak.

“So…” He started, needing to catch his breath. “Am I the god of your idolatry?” 

You giggled, slapping his shoulder before wrapping your arms around them.

“I’m surprised you know how to pronounce ‘idolatry.’” Chase squeezed your hip once more at your teasing before kissing you again.

[familiarscars]

Lost In Control | Bad Omens | CHAPTER 02

adult content | minors do NOT interact.

⋆ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. Bad Omens X ex-girlfriend and singer!Reader.

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. You and Noah had a difficult ending but you still need to support each other for the band.

⋆ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆(𝐒). melancholy, ex-boyfriends, difficult relationships, alcohol abuse, bad words, drug addiction, betrayal.

It's okay to not agree with the characters' attitudes during the fic. It's good to remember that the story is fiction from the author's sick mind and of course they will make dubious decisions according to my fantasies. Nothing is done to be compared to reality.

On the bus, you were focused on your notebook, while Jolly played a few chords on his guitar, and together you started shaping what seemed to be the melody for a potential new project. The label was pressuring for a single with a different energy than what had been done on the last album—you needed to reach a new audience, and it wasn’t the time to settle into a comfort zone.

“I like this,” Jolly commented with a faint smile on his lips.

You felt a flicker of hope that you were still capable of writing something worthwhile. In your recent attempts, everything had seemed awful, and your head was always too clouded to try again.

“I like it too!” Ruffilo chimed in, sounding excited as he grabbed the notebook from your hands to take a closer look. “If we make the guitar riff heavier in the chorus, we’ll have the perfect song without losing our identity. You take the lead, and Noah handles the growls.”

“Thanks, guys!” you said shyly, tugging at the sleeve of your sweater and clutching it in your hands. Your head ached from the drinks you’d had the night before, and you could hear your stomach growling loudly. “It’s just a draft; there’s still a lot to improve.”

“It’s too melancholic,” a voice cut through the space just as the bathroom door slammed shut.

Noah walked toward where everyone was gathered, his hands still buried in the pockets of his hoodie. Tilting his head slightly, he surveyed the group with disdain.

“If we’re aiming for something different, I don’t agree with sticking to what we did in The Death of Peace of Mind. It had all those elements, and I don’t want to replicate the same formula,” he said, yawning between sentences. You felt your face flush with embarrassment. “This band doesn’t just write about messed-up heads and broken hearts. It’s time to move on.”

Amazing how he could make you feel ridiculous with just a few words.

“Noah’s got a point…” you started, but Jolly quickly stepped in, cutting you off.

“No, he doesn’t!” Jolly’s tone was firm as he stared down his friend, who was idly fiddling with the string of his hoodie. “Our strength lies in being experimental, mixing sound textures and shifting genres in each track—from melancholic to hardcore. This lyric is perfect, and everyone here agreed it’s powerful enough to deliver what the label wants. But of course, you’d be the only one to disagree.”

“I didn’t agree because I don’t want to do the same work as if we weren’t capable of venturing into something new.”

“Well, Folio’s asleep, so we’ve got three votes against one. We’re producing this song, and it’s up to you to decide whether you want to be part of the process or not.”

Noah’s expression shifted from disinterested to furious. He hated being overruled, especially on matters involving the band. Of course, the final word always had to be his, no matter the circumstances. But you couldn’t help feeling a flicker of satisfaction, seeing the guys finally speaking up for themselves.

Still, you knew this wasn’t the end of it.

A coffee at a shady diner in Dallas was exactly what you needed. As soon as you stepped off the bus, you checked your pockets, made sure everything was in place, and headed inside.

Drinking wasn’t enough anymore—alcohol no longer took the tension out of your body the way it once had. Over time, you’d started seeking something stronger.

After snorting the thin white line on the bathroom sink, you lifted your head, tossing your hair back as you stared at yourself in the mirror. Your reflection didn’t seem as drained now, and the world around you no longer looked as gray as before.

Leaving the bathroom, you adjusted your clothes and pulled the oversized hoodie tighter around yourself. When you sat down at a table, his eyes were the first thing you saw.

Noah knew you well. He could tell when something was off, and the way his brows furrowed spoke volumes about his thoughts.

“I already ordered for you,” he began flatly, scanning the menu without much interest. “Chocolate cupcake and a cappuccino.”

Your favorites.

“I’m not hungry.” You craned your neck, scanning the room for the guys, but there was no sign of them. Resigned, you sighed. “You can have my share.”

The diner smelled great, but the scent of coffee turned your stomach, empty for nearly two days. You had no appetite, and the unease in your chest seemed to seep into every part of your body. Across from you, Noah ate like a starved man.

You almost laughed, noticing how ravenous he must have been as he downed two sandwiches in record time.

"Since when did you start biting your nails again?" Noah asked, pulling you out of your thoughts as he gestured with his chin toward your hand, partially hidden by the hoodie’s sleeve.

You used to bite your nails until the skin around them was raw and scabbed, a habit born from your anxiety. When Noah noticed, he helped you stop, gradually teaching you to redirect that nervous energy. Writing, singing, breathing, thinking of things you loved.

It used to work.

“I…” You took a deep breath, almost forgetting to exhale as your eyes met his worried expression. Noah wiped his fingers on a napkin, and that’s when you noticed the silver ring on his index finger.

The ring you’d given him.

“I was just bored.”

“We have a radio interview at Rock FM today. Just you and me,” he said, the words heavy as if speaking them required effort. “If you’re not feeling up to it, we can reschedule.”

“I feel fine.”

“That’s not what it looks like.” Noah placed his coffee cup on the table, his gaze sharp and steady, his voice dropping to avoid attracting attention from other patrons. “You can fool Matt and the guys with your excuses, but not me. I know damn well why you’re anxious and why you’ve lost your appetite these past few days, so don’t treat me like I’m stupid!”

“You’re making assumptions about me and don’t want to be called stupid?”

“Caring about you and what’ll happen if you keep acting like you’ve got infinite lives isn’t making assumptions!” he shot back through gritted teeth, pointing a finger for emphasis. “Do whatever the hell you want with your life—you’ve made it clear you don’t give a damn about what I think—but the band is still our only connection, and you need to respect that!”

You rubbed your face, trying to rein in your frustration before meeting his gaze again. Noah was a puzzle. On one hand, he was openly admitting to a sliver of concern for the self-destructive path you were on. On the other, it was clear his priority was keeping the band out of jeopardy.

“Yes, sir.” You saluted sarcastically, pushing back from the table to stand. “Don’t worry, I’ll show up for the damn interview.”

Blowing out a puff of cigarette smoke on the balcony, you caught the signal—it was time to head inside for the recording.

The Rock FM studio was a small room on the top floor of a downtown building. You and Noah arrived just in time, waiting as they finished soundchecks before starting.

Both of you worked hard to keep the cracks in your relationship hidden during public appearances—interviews, performances, band meetings, recordings. Together, you mastered a façade worthy of applause.

Noah took his seat, and you settled into the one next to him. After adjusting your headphones and pulling the mic close, you exchanged a fleeting glance before turning your attention to the interviewer. Noah, wearing a cap and sunglasses, was grinning so enthusiastically you had to check if he’d been abducted by aliens.

Meanwhile, you couldn’t stop fidgeting—tucking strands of hair behind your ears, crossing and uncrossing your legs, licking your lips, and biting the inside of your cheek. Thankfully, your own sunglasses shielded your expression, offering a small barrier of composure.

“Hey, everyone! Today we’re joined by the two vocalists of the most talked-about metalcore band of the moment, Bad Omens! First off, thanks for being here. As a fan, it’s an honor to have you in our studio!” the interviewer began.

“Thanks for having us,” Noah replied with a grin.

“To kick things off, I’d love for you to talk about the band’s creative process. We’ve watched your sound evolve, how you experiment with new collaborations, mixing styles, and pushing boundaries in your productions. How do you pull all of that together into such a cohesive final product?”

“We like to draw inspiration from just about anything, even things that seem totally irrelevant,” Noah said. “The sound of an egg frying, a broom sweeping, a slap on my dog’s belly—if you work with it creatively, it can turn into something really cool. Our lyrics aren’t always tied to real emotions, either.”

“Noah speaks for his own lyrics,” you interjected, your sarcasm cutting through as you flashed a smile that made him shift in his seat. “As for me, everything I’ve written for the band has always been deeply emotional. Real feelings. Real words. I want our fans to hear something I can stand behind with pride—something they can listen to and say, Yeah, that was written by her.”

"Wow! That’s amazing!" the interviewer concluded, oblivious to the tense atmosphere that had settled in the studio. "Could you tell us which composition had the biggest impact?"

"I believe it’s the song I’m currently writing," you replied confidently. "It talks about feeling trapped, but not exactly by visible strings. In real life, there are so many things that immobilize us—whether it’s a crappy relationship, a bad job, or a toxic friendship. Things that don’t let you break free from cycles because, in some way, you need them. These things keep you alive."

"Lyrics like these are interesting to experiment with sonically. Slow beats and intense growls post-chorus," Noah added.

"Let’s just say Noah isn’t much of a fan of lyrics like that," you teased. "He’s the kind of guy who prefers to mask his feelings with heavy and contradictory lyrics."

You heard Noah cough and couldn’t help but smile, knowing you’d hit the target.

"I don’t think this is the ideal place to debate my musical taste," Noah said with an awkward laugh. "But yeah, I don’t believe a song can define me—that’s something personal to me."

"Dude, that first segment was incredible, and it’s so cool to get inside the minds of the people behind our favorite songs!" the interviewer exclaimed.

He was trying to contain his enthusiasm, but honestly, it was starting to get on your nerves.

"But I couldn’t avoid asking something that’s been a hot topic on the internet for a while: There’s been a rumor that your relationship has been strained since the last Sick New World festival, and some cameras caught an intense argument backstage. After that, countless pages started reporting that you had a relapse with your alcohol and drug issues, blaming Noah as the cause of it resurfacing. How do you feel about that, and how do you ensure these kinds of distractions don’t affect the band?"

You felt the ground disappear beneath your feet.

The live stream of Rock Radio had over 100K people watching the interview in real time. He had just brought up a subject you’d been avoiding for months, the one that made you disappear from social media. You couldn’t bear the weight of guilt, having all those people point fingers at Noah as the culprit. You couldn’t stand being so weak as to relapse. You couldn’t handle having so many strangers scrutinizing your relationship until the day it ceased to exist, leaving nothing but a painful scar on your chest.

Your body froze, and you couldn’t manage a single word.

Noah's hand touched your leg, and you heard him softly say you didn’t need to answer any of that. Your heart was pounding so hard, and sweat beaded on your forehead, even though you weren’t hot.

On impulse, you stood up and stormed out of the studio, running down the hallway. Tears streamed down your face, and you watched the drops fall onto your jacket. Your chest burned, and you felt so lost wandering the streets that a taxi almost hit you as you crossed the road. The blaring horn snapped you out of your daze.

You felt an immense emptiness.

You felt guilty for the ruin of everything you’d worked so hard to build over the years, dragging along the people you loved in the process. Yet nothing seemed enough to pull you out of the quicksand that kept dragging you down.

At the bar, you bought a bottle of whiskey to drink alone, staring out the window at the storm forming outside while the men around you cheered for the football game score. The liquor burned your throat as you gulped it down, ignoring all the calls making your phone vibrate.

You just wished the feeling would pass and, for one minute, you could stop being yourself.

Hours later, after finishing the bottle, you tossed it at the first street corner. You were drenched from the rain, your makeup completely smeared. Standing on an avenue you knew well, you recognized the perfect destination since you couldn’t take another step.

Stepping out of the hotel elevator, you walked right past your door and headed for his.

You just wanted a crumb of comfort. You wanted him to tell you the same lies he always did—the ones that somehow managed to calm your heart. You wanted the touch, the kiss…

The kiss someone else was receiving when you opened Noah’s door and saw him on top of another girl.

Slowly, you chose to close the door, not waiting for Noah to say a single word.

[kitty-kat-art]

🧍‍♂️Mental illness has won, I've written a little in-depth essay exploring Dale as a character and breaking down his personality, actions, and how it relates to Dev and Doug. Also I threw in a bunch of my own little headcanons 💀

⚠️ CONTENT WARNING ‼️ This post will contain mentions of abuse, mental illness, and eating disorders. I don't go into uncomfortable detail, but still! Keep this warning in mind when reading on. Obviously, you are very much free to disregard any takes I have if they don't align with what you perceive, especially in regards to what I personally headcannon lololol. I am highkey projecting onto Dale because I like where they took his character compared to his first appearance in the original FOP. It presents MANY questions regarding what led him to end up the way he did, and that's something I always LOVE exploring!

Anyways, please also feel free to expand on anything I bring up here! There's a LOT, and I'm sure I still forgot to mention something somewhere... 😭 (Also, keep in mind I am only on episode 20 atm, so I have more Dale content to analyze besides the fact, so I may add onto this in the future or change my onions JSKDJSKDJLSJDKSJ)

The way Dale has been portrayed in FOPANW as one of the main antagonists presents a compelling exploration of Dale's character development, particularly in relation to Dev and Doug. It suggests that Dale's journey to becoming the father he is today stems directly from the influence of Doug, who, upon Dale's release from Vicky's lemonade dungeon, very briefly acknowledges him before shifting his focus entirely to Timmy. Dale doesn't even get a moment to greet his father before Doug redirects his attention to Timmy... This moment encapsulates the emotional neglect Dale experiences at the hands of Doug literally in an instant, as Doug doesn't even let his son get a single word in before moving on to prioritizes another child he doesn't even know, no doubt leaving Dale caught in a whirlwind of emotions—from initial excitement to a profound sense of emptiness at the realization that he's just going from one location lacking in proper support to another.

(Literally "WOW IT'S MY DAD 😃" to "... 😐" in seconds when he is ignored after 7 years of trauma just so his dad can yap at some other kid 😭)

Moreover, I believe that Doug’s obsession with monetary success profoundly impacted Dale's own self-worth. Before living with Doug, Dale was already fixated on hard work to please Vicky, aiming to generate wealth. Living under Doug's influence only magnifies this mentality, leading Dale to internalize that his identity is tied to his status as a Dimmadome, where financial success equates to personal value. This relentless pursuit of wealth distorts Dale's perception of self-worth, establishing a direct correlation between his earnings and his sense of purpose. If he fails to meet his own financial expectations, he feels worthles. It's been pointed out before that he falls into despair when his ability to make money is hindered.

While I don't think Doug was as absent in Dale's life as Dale is in Dev's (obviously we can't know for sure unless ANW explores that), the emotional absence is certainly palpable. I personally like to think that Dale is aware of his own flaws, yet his pride prevents him from acknowledging them. Maybe he has the incessant voice of Doug in his head, reinforcing the belief that he must constantly generate income to avoid feeling useless... This toxic mindset might lead Dale to distance himself from Dev on purpose, as he recognizes the love he never received and perceives Dev’s lack of gratitude for his own circumstances as a stark reminder of his own impoverished childhood. Dale's bitterness and jealousy manifest in a misguided perception that Dev has everything he, Dale, has ever desired, failing to recognize that Dev's true yearning is for paternal love and attention—elements Dale is ill-equipped to provide due to his own upbringing and emotional immaturity due to having never received unconditional love and support from his own dad, which can be assumed based on Doug's priorities and personality as portrayed in the original show... (If we get more seasons for A New Wish, I hope that they get a chance to explore Dales dynamic with Doug one on one, that could be something very interesting, I think, even if it is only mentioned briefly...)

Dale's behavior is UNDENIABLY selfish and manipulative, painting him as a narcissist. However, these traits can also be viewed as a defense mechanism, a survival strategy developed in response to a lifetime of neglect and abuse. There is a possibility that throughout his life, Dale has learned to trust no one but himself, leading to a bottled-up emotional state that makes him appear aloof on the surface. Consequently, he mirrors the tactics used against him by Vicky, employing similar strategies to cope with his own vulnerabilities, manipulating others and prioritizing money over the well-being of others. To outsiders, he may appear as a self-important narcissist, but this could easily be a façade that masks his desperate need for validation on his self-worth, which he vainly seeks through material wealth and accolades. When someone has no control over their life, they seek control through other means...

The accumulation of wealth becomes a means for Dale to convince himself of his greatness. Surrounded by paintings and statues of himself, he clings to the notion that financial success equates to personal value. It's a tragic cycle of self-deception; he rationalizes his wealth as proof of his worthiness, seeking external validation to fill the void within with which he lacks the proper tools to confront in a meaningful and healthy way. This could very well be an example of him attempting to take control of his own thoughts and feelings towards himself.

Dale clings to his wealth as a tangible affirmation of his worth as an individual, a testament to his perceived success and brilliance. 'Look at all this money I have! I have literally everything I could ever want and more! Don't you agree? Don't you think I'm rich? Aren't I doing well carrying my father's legacy as a Dimmadome? (Please recognize my status. Tell me I’m good. Validate my worth by giving me money.)' That type of mentality. This desperate plea for acknowledgment underscores a deeper insecurity, revealing his need for external validation to reinforce his self-esteem. He is the kind of man who believes that money solves all your problems, and maybe there's a chance that he has told himself that enough times that he finally started to believe it. He even seems to speak of his own traumatic experience working for Vicky as something that built his character. He LITERALLY carries a picture of his trauma around in his pocket and happily shows it to Dev...

"When I was you're age, I spent my Saturdays working in a FACTORY underneath a lemonade stand, for SEVEN YEARS. That's 364 Saturdays, do you know how many Saturday morning cartoons I missed out on!? ALL OF THEM... And look at the man I turned out to be." This quote vividly paints him as a bitter and jealous adult because he missed out on having a proper childhood, all while emphasizing that he views his trauma almost like a GOOD thing... Because otherwise he wouldn't be where he is now, so it HAD to be good, right? Just look at the man he turned out to be! (This guy is coping so hard! 😭)

In contrast, Dev appears to be navigating his OWN identity through the lens of his father's image, perhaps in an attempt to earn his approval. It's a common phenomenon for children to reflect their parents' behaviors, whether through mimicking their language, fashion, or taking on their parent's interests as their own... I believe it was Dev's choice to emulate his father's style... The white jacket and boots with gold accents paired with dark pants and slicked back hair... It suggests a conscious effort to mirror Dale on Dev's part. It seems unlikely that Dale actively encourages this mimicry; rather, it appears to stem from Dev's own desire for recognition, and the age old inclination nearly every child has with idolizing their parents and wanting to grow up to be JUST like them... Whether Dale is oblivious to this or simply indifferent remains a bit of a mystery.

Something else I've thought about is that Dev's tendency to wear sunglasses could also signify his own struggle with vulnerability, as he often obscures his eyes, maybe in an attempt to shield himself from the world or prevent himself from revealing to much emotion, much like his father. Yet, I've noticed a pattern with Dev. Sometimes, when he is feeling particularly vulnerable or upset, he removes the shades, revealing a desire to be seen and understood— a stark contrast to Dale, who prefers to hide behind his wealth and image and avoid eye contact at all costs unless the topic of discussion is money.

I like to think that Dale’s tendency to avoid eye contact could be interpreted as a defense mechanism against the judgment he feels from others, as if he can't stand seeing the way people judge him (This is just my own personal HC). This avoidance would stem from a deep-seated insecurity that was planted in him at a young age and never got uprooted before it took hold. Perhaps he feels scrutinized and exposed, with the exception being when the conversation shifts to financials... In these instances, he may feel a temporary sense of control, something he has lacked his WHOLE life, on top of never being properly loved when it mattered most in regards to the development of his brain.

I feel like Dale's pride would keep him from confronting his emotional turmoil, leading him to suffer in silence. He guards his vulnerabilities closely, perhaps fearing that revealing his pain would make it 'real'. The prospect of others discovering his deep-seated feelings of inadequacy terrifies him, reinforcing his need to maintain a façade of success. Because of this, he ends up reflecting narcissistic traits on the surface to make up for his own incompetence.

I also HC that Dale's emotional distance from Dev is a conscious choice rooted in his own experiences of fatherly love—or rather, the lack thereof. His upbringing under Doug no doubt left Dale with a warped understanding of affection and how one goes about loving another person. I mean... Just look back at their first interaction in the original cartoon where Doug didn't even give Dale a second to say anything before turning his attention to Timmy, basically saying 'You are not as important as the thing that can give me money or free labor', which is an attitude he carries into adulthood with Dev.

Dale's perception of his son also seems clouded by envy, as he watches Dev embrace the childhood experiences he himself was deprived of. This dynamic could explain why Dale sometimes appears 'burdened' by Dev's presence; he may be grappling with the painful reminder of what he missed out on. The interplay between their identities and emotional needs highlights the complexities of familial relationships, particularly in the context of legacy and the expectations placed upon them. The cyclical nature of this dynamic becomes a poignant exploration of how unresolved issues from one generation can profoundly impact the next if left unresolved. In this context, it becomes apparent that Dale’s deliberate push against any emotional attatchment with Dev is a projection of his own unresolved feelings.

Dale's existence has been predominantly defined by work and money, reducing him to a mere instrument for generating wealth—essentially, the heir to the Dimmadome fortune. This is not a matter of opinion, but fact... And this type of upbringing has deprived him of the fundamental aspects of being treated as a person with emotional needs, to which he passes onto his own son. To Vicky, Dale was barely human. Left with a gaggle of other presumably kidnapped or trafficked children that she used to generate money for herself while neglecting their basic needs, like providing them with food, water, proper sunlight and places to sleep. Just look at Dale's body right after he is freed compared to his appearance when he's older. He was significantly skinnier and much paler than Timmy and his dad. Not to mention the tattered clothes that barely fit him and the dirt and grime covering his body.

Expanding off his abuse under Vicky, if we consider the realisfic ramifications regarding that whole situation, I HC that Dale would struggle with food consumption in the sense that he might over indulge due to the ingrained fear of not knowing the next time he's going to eat, and then feeling self conscious about himself after the fact and 'punishing' himself by not eating for extended periods of time. Additionally, though it's said as a joke in the original show, Dale expresses his discomfort seeing natural light... "The light! It burns!"

(Also note how skinny the kid in the background on the right is! Holy shit! Vicky was obviously NOT concerned with their well being, this would absolutely affect Dale mentally)

But if we take this throwaway line seriously, it's important to note that people who are kept in the dark for extended periods of time can have their vision permanently damaged. So, I like to imagine that Dale wears contacts or even reading glasses on occasion when no one else is around. (Just cause I think reading glasses are cute... 😭 Also I love over analyzing cartoon men... 🫶 Also I love taking things too seriously in regards to my headcanons teehee 😇)

Ultimately, Dale's emotional landscape is one of confusion and disconnection, leaving him with no framework for how to genuinely love someone. His interactions with Dev reveal a complex web of projection, unfulfilled desires, and a tragic inability to break free from the cycle of emotional neglect that has defined his life.

In conclusion...

[rockingtheorange]

Why is Nick such an asshole to Taylor and the film? He already toldAmazon he will nto be doing the sequel.

I don't like answering this type of questions so I'll make it as complete as I can, so people can get a life outside their own expectations. (I'm not defending Nick, I'm stating facts.)

First of all, let's not spread false rumors. Nick has not dropped the project. (I'm baffled on how this rumor could start in the first place)

Nick signed a contract for the sequel, he has responsibilities towards it, and consequences if he doesn't follow it. Regardless, it's not us who decide the terms. If he ever decides to leave the project, he'll make a choice and ponder the consequences.

"He could do more". Well, he also could do less. He's an actor and does his job however he feels like. (Do y'all care about every single aspect of your own jobs or studies? Bet you have priorities, right?)

In pop culture, there's this conception of the artist "owes his fans". While I'm inclined to love fanservice of all kind because it makes us, fans, feel appreciated, no one forces us to be a fan, meanwhile the artists are forced to do fanservice as long as they want or their contracts stipulates that.

Now let me go onto the specific part of Nicholas' life and personality.

Let's remind ourselves that we can be the biggest fans and yet know nothing about our favorite celebrities. They show us what they want us to know, it's our choice to decide what we want to follow, hear or understand.

As far as we know Nick, he's always been a quiet reserved person, who suffers from anxiety, doesn't like big social events and hardly uses social media (especially in the recent years)

He's somewhat a fearful person who decides to step outside his comfort zone. We can know that from his song Comfort.

Nick has talked about how one of his "great fears is being misunderstood." You can read about it in the article RWRB related from BritishGQ in which he compares his fear with Henry's experience.

Nick has been showing multiple times in multiple occasions how he loved Henry and loved playing him. He wouldn't have said "yes" to a sequel if he didn't want to. (I'd also say it's a big deal since Nick has always only played in project that didn't get a sequel, and he consciously decided to agree to it.)

In Nick's career, we can see how diverse and interesting his characters must be. He's drawn to peculiar characters and when he finds one, he puts everything he has to offer into it. This leads him to focus on other characters that aren't the same static one from a year or two ago. (He moves on to the next project, and I don't see anything bad about it.)

Working a lot means schedule conflicts and Nick has always had this problem. If he doesn't work on something new, he rests while doing his little hobbies. (Does he need to attend every social event if he doesn't want to? Do y'all ever rest? And if you don't, can other rest instead?)

I added my personal opinion in parenthesis so it doesn't get confused with the facts. Nick is a human with personal interests, ranked scale of values and personal life.

If you don't want to be a fan, don't be. If you want to be a hater, talk it to the wall instead of harming or annoy others. If you have expectations over other people, learn to manage what you can't control. If you think you're in control of someone else, you're not.

Now, excuse me I'll go back to watch RWRB with Henry played by Nicholas Galitzine, the actor who took his fragile character and held him in his hand, and protected him.

[coraniaid]

🔥 faith

This is a bit niche (except in my corner of Tumblr) but I really don't think Faith and Tara would get along at all. It is somewhat baffling to me how common it is to claim that they would.

If they ever met for real post-Who Are You? -- if Faith came back to Sunnydale sooner, say, or Tara survived into Season 7 -- I don't think they'd be friends, I don't think they'd get together, I don't think they'd even spend any time together except as part of a group.

I do agree that Tara wouldn't be fooled by Faith's Cool Loner persona the way Willow and Xander initially are (and that Cordelia and Oz notably aren't). Not because Tara's cool herself, but just because ... well, Tara thinks Willow is cool. Her idea of what is and isn't cool is just completely out of line with the image Faith is projecting. But, okay. Cordelia saw through Faith's cool persona too. That didn't make her and Faith best buddies. It just meant she thought Faith was a phony she didn't like. Why would Tara be any different?

And yes, both Tara and Faith come from abusive backgrounds and have dead mothers. But Tara and Xander both share abusive backgrounds, and I don't think we ever see them bond over that at all. The type of abusive parents they have are just very different. Faith doesn't even talk about her past except in the occasional flippant remark ("my dead mother hit harder than that") which, again, I don't think Tara would be around to hear, because why would they be hanging out in the first place?

And Tara liked her mother. The rest of her family were abusive, sure, but Tara and her mother were close. Her mom had been teaching her magic "since [Tara] was little" and Tara still talks about her fondly as somebody she looks up to (she praises Willow's talent with magic in Hush explicitly by comparing her to her mom). Tara's dead mother (who she liked and who liked her) is something she has in common with Buffy; I don't think it's particularly something she has in common with Faith. If anything I can see Faith kind of resenting Tara for talking about her mother as much as she does (nobody feels sorry for Faith having a dead mom, so why should Tara be any different?).

And yes, Tara is nice and empathetic and I can definitely see her feeling sorry for Faith in a way the other Scoobies aren't. I can see her figuring out Faith's whole thing about Buffy before anyone else, too. But Faith would hate that! She tries to project a cool and untroubled persona precisely because she doesn't want anybody to think she's a loser! They're both kind of on the fringes of the group, but while Tara accepts that (and, indeed, continues thinking of herself as an outsider long past the point she really is one) and waits around anyway while commiserating with Dawn, Faith hates the thought that Buffy and her real friends are off having secret meetings without her and reacts by leaving town for weeks to brood on her own.

I might even grant that actually being friends with Tara would probably be good for Faith. I mean, having literally a single friend in the world (a friend who wasn't the girl she's had a crush on since she was seventeen and whose shared destiny she lives her life in the shadow of, or a friend who wasn't that same girl's vampire ex who she tried to provoke into killing her one time) would do wonders for Faith, almost regardless of who that friend actually was. I just don't particularly see how Faith and Tara could possibly end up as friends, or why it would occur to either of them that that was something they wanted.

Of all the non-core Scoobies Faith might have been friends with, I think Anya is by far the most likely. At least as soon as Anya worked out Faith wasn't at all interested in Xander. Anya wouldn't so much see through Faith's carefully managed persona as she would just not notice it being affected in the first place; while Faith would appreciate Anya's blunt way of speaking and laugh at her stories about handing out demonic punishments to unfaithful men. And in canon Faith's friends with Angel and still can't help thinking fondly of the Mayor; I don't think she'd let the fact Anya used to be a demon bother her in the slightest (her attitude in Selfless would be very different to Buffy's, I know that).

And the way Anya kept on annoying Willow would just be a bonus, as far as Faith was concerned.

[transpat]

realizing that the lilac betting convo was them having three different conversations at once.

yoon jiwon who's been unsettled the whole week bc of seok jiwon's reappearance was now just totally and utterly humiliated bc seok jiwon witnessed her rejection and breakdown (actually going to talk about that in a separate post). if it isn't entirely obv btw the reason she was crying is actually seok jiwon.

(her whole line is 'i'm crying because these days...')

and then,

'To laugh at me?' obv seok jiwon hasn't even thought of that and probably can't add 2 and 2 together. but to yoon jiwon who was an over achiever in high school, always better than seok jiwon the only person she cared about being better than, and is then dumped wordlessly and cruelly by him, her current living situation compared to his are. embarrassing. she normally doesn't care being not that well off financially but again, this is seok jiwon. everything matters when it comes to him.

anyway, her saying 'he's ruining everything her grandfather worked for' is the only valid excuse she has to shit on this man now. there's so many things she wants to complain about, to scream at him about, but he just abandoned her, left without a word, never picked up a single one of her hundred calls and admitting she's anxious bc he came back would only further add to her humiliation.

insisting the lilacs won't bloom again is like saying, 'anything u touch will be doomed'.

seok jiwon on the other hand, is talking about their romance.

unlike yoon jiwon who's had zero contact w this guy for years and thus believes it'd be both mortifying and insane to still harbor feelings for the dude, hence her vehement denial in the consecutive eps, seok jiwon's seen her at her most miserable and vulnerable. it's why he's never been able to move on no matter how painful this is for him, why he's never been able to love any one else even thou yoon jiwon no longer wants him. in fact, him refusing to come back was precisely bc he knew his presence would only upset her, esp involved in a project that is already destroying her grandfather.

it's only when he's told she possibly forgot about him, that he abandons all reason and runs back. and to his relief—initially—she has not forgotten about him at all. no, rather he's come back to hear her say all of this instead.

(he never said he hated her.)

the lilac is barren, the lilac hasn't bloomed in years, the lilac is probably dead—there are no feelings between us, it's been way too many years, after everything that happened there's no way we'd ever fall in love again. that's what he's hearing.

this is also the girl who dumped him over a tiny little fight and refused to ever see him again no matter how many times he tried to reach out to her. this is also the girl he's still in love w. and he just heard her admit to liking someone else and then spit at the idea of them being together.

his words: 'it's not withered or dead', he still has feelings for her and since she feels so strongly about him, he's dying to know if there truly isn't any love in her opinion; 'this is the 5th year not the 40th', even if it's been almost two decades, it wasn't enough for him to forget about her, after what she did to him, was it that easy for her to move on or did she ever think about him, did she ever regret.

insisting the lilacs will bloom, is him trying to convince himself she still loves or still can love him.

and so the bet conditions:

she wants him gone from her life so she can stop feeling so pathetic and embarrassed about herself and her situation and her somehow persisting feelings for him. she loved him for so, so many years, that even if she's in denial now and thinks she isn't in love with him, seok jiwon's long become a part of her self. and she's convinced the only way she can evict him from her heart, is to evict him from her town first.

he wants to know, once and for all, if yoon jiwon truly truly hates him and will never hold an ounce of emotion towards him again. he needs to see for himself if yoon jiwon doesn't regret their breakup at all, if she's never thought of him in all those 18 years, if she really doesn't love him for all. it's the only way he'll be able to move on.

tldr; the lilacs convo was yoon jiwon's metaphoric way of saying seok jiwon ruins everything (she talks about her grandfather but means her heart) and seok jiwon's way of saying a love as deep as there's was can't die no matter how many years have passed and will bloom again, and the rest of the room only now realizing how fucking insane these both are.

p.s. maeng sua spends a lot of time joking about how jiwon must be confusing her feelings of affection for him as hatred and how hate and love are two sides of the same coin and blah blah blah, but it's only now that she realizes her jokes were on point and she looks scandalized.

she's seen yoon jiwon screaming and kicking at the man but this is what made her jaw drop.

and this is where she realizes that yoon jiwon becoming animated and childish and talkative and lively over the past week was bc she'd finally met someone who matched her freak.

she's the only one excited about the bet lol. funnily, she also stops joking about seok jiwon being her type after this and once she snuffs out gong minsu's feelings for yoon jiwon, she turns her flirty jokes on him instead.