#so lately ive been trying to reach out and speak to people making plans to meet. ik they'll understand my situation and if they dont ive

[mostardently]

.

[hsangel64]

bandmates pt. 7 !

pairings: bassist!ellie williams x fem!reader

summary: it’s been a couple of weeks and you and ellie were officially together but ellie has been acting suspicious and it feels like you're together only behind closed doors.

warnings: angst angst angst (sorry !!), cussing, slight smut, use of y/n

a/n: i am trying my best to be back and write, ive been in the process of moving and i just got in the mindset to write!! I had a plan for this and then stopped writing this for a while so this series will have more than just a couple of chapters left, i'm not sure yet!! anyways good to be back hope you enjoy!!

you and ellie were doing fine, great even! but only in your guys' room. you have been so happy the past few weeks, but it was starting to feel a little off. you didn't think much of it but that still didn't stop that small anxious pit in your stomach from forming. you liked ellie so much and was so happy this was finally reality that you didn't see the red flags ahead of time.

"do we really have to go to this stupid get together?" ellie whined and you giggled.

"yes unfortunately we do, speaking of which we need to get up really soon to get ready." ellie groaned and turned away from you and got out of bed. she walked over to her closet while pouting and grabbed some clothes considering we were only in underwear....

you sat up and grabbed an outfit from your closet. ellie came up from behind you and kissed your cheek and made her way down to your neck. you giggled and squished her face in your neck, you tried to push her away, but she fought against your small weak nudges.

"ellie we can't, we have to go dina and jesse really want us there to meet these people."

"we could be late." she said in that sultry voice she puts on. you felt a shiver down your spine and so badly wanted to fall for it but you knew how much this meant to dina and didn't want to let her down.

"no els we gotta go i don't want to let dina down." you laughed as she kept kissing you neck and reaching down you back. she turned you around and kissed your lips, you melted into her mouth and couldn't resist the urge to just go for yet another round of the day, but you fought back and slowly pulled away. you gave her that look a sad puppy dog would give and she groaned and then smiled at you.

"ugh fine, only because you're cute and i love you." you let out a small gasp, ellie hadn't said i love you yet. a small smile made it to your face and she smiled back.

"i love you too." you smiled at each other and kissed again, you both went on and got ready for the get together.

----

you two were sitting on the couch together next to dina and jesse at someone's house you didn't know, you just wanted to be home with ellie. the air felt super awkward and ellie felt a little distant. you didn't think much of that until you all introduced yourselves.

"this is ellie and y/n!" dina introduced us to everyone else and they all collectively said hello.

"how did you all meet?" one of the girls asked and ellie answered.

"y/n and i have been friends since before we could remember and met dina and jesse in high school band class. we all became really good friends and formed our band, coastal."

"that's really cool, you guys all seem so close is it just dina and jesse together? some girl asked while making flirty eyes with ellie.

"yeah it is, me and y/n are best friends and i wouldn't have it any other way." your face shifted and you gently whipped your head towards ellie in a questioning way, she was already looking at the girl with that same flirty look and you turned away and excused yourself to the bathroom. dina noticed your change in behavior and decided to follow after you. you quickly made your way to the bathroom before dina could make it in and you closed the door in front of her face.

"babes are you okay? what happened?" you tuned her questions out and your mind drifted. you could tell something was wrong, you knew it felt weird that you two weren't going on dates or that she acted different outside of the dorm. you saw all the red flags but was too oblivious to see what was going on. your eyes slowly filled with tears and you didn't even realize you were crying until you snapped back into reality and heard dina bang on the door.

"hey, are you okay what's going on??" you turned and opened the door, dina gasped and pushed her way into the room seeing your state.

'what's going on, talk to me." she held your face and wiped your tears, you felt so overwhelmed with emotions and couldn't make out the words so you said.

"ellie is an asshole." she looked at you saddened and nodded her head saying i know, she grabbed you and pulled you into her. you silently cried into the crook of her neck and just felt so angry. you were mad at yourself for thinking this was going to work. you didn't want to cry anymore about it so you gently pulled away and turned to the faucet and wiped your face down of the mascara streaks. dina helped you pull yourself together and you both made your way back into the living room. everyone was preoccupied with mario kart on the tv and didn't even notice you two coming back. you sat down on the couch next to jesse and dina occupied the spot next to ellie. she turned over and looked at you and nodded her head asking if you were okay. you looked away and dina pushed her head towards the tv and diverted her attention away from you.

for the rest of the time you guys were there you sat on the couch with your back against the cushion and your head slouched. dina tried her best to stop ellie from talking to you and left you alone till you guys left.

----

when you guys were getting ready to leave you all said your goodbyes and you saw ellie and that girl exchange numbers, you felt sick to your stomach and didn't want to face her in the car. you turned away and walked out of the house without anyone, you guys weren't to far from the dorm so you just decided to walk on your own.

as you walked you made it to the gas station right by the school so you stopped for a slushy. you walked in and grabbed the biggest size, you needed this. you also grabbed some ice cream and made your way out. you sat on the curb for a little and pulled out your phone to a million notifications.

40 texts from ellie, 20 missed calls from dina, it all felt too much. so you texted dina and said you were fine and just decided to walk home. dina proceeded to cuss you out in your texts and raved about how dangerous that was for you to walk alone by yourself. you rolled your eyes and got up from the curb and walked to rest of the way towards the campus.

you found your way back and checked their locations to see they were home so you just knocked on the door. ellie answered and quickly let you in. you made your way to your shared room and grabbed some clothes.

"hey what happened back there?" she quietly asked and you rolled your eyes. you made your way to the shower but not before ellie squeezed her way through the door.

"bee what's wrong?" she grabbed your arm and you felt sick, you pushed her away and started to take your makeup off before your shower. she put her hand back on you and you pushed her away again getting frustrated now.

"why do you keep pushing me away, what happened back there?" you pushed her away hard and felt that tickle in your throat. you grumbled and said wouldn't you like to know under your breath, but it wasn't very quiet, so she heard.

"what do you mean? i would like to know. what's up with you?"

"i don't know ellie you tell me."

"I don't know y/n that's why i'm asking." you rolled your eyes starting to get more frustrated with her.

"maybe it was the fact that you just called me your friend and not your girlfriend?? i guess i missed something but i thought us having sex all the time and calling each other girlfriends meant just friends."

"i just called you best friend it isn't a big deal i'm sorry." she didn't sound sorry.

"it's a big deal to me ellie."

"well, i'm sorry." she shrugged and you scoffed at her nonchalant movement.

“i really don’t want to deal with this can you please leave i want to shower.” she didn’t pick up a fight and left. you sighed and wiped your face from any left over tears. you made your way into the shower and let the warm water help you forget about your thoughts for just one second.

————

a/n: i’m sorry this was short !! it was more of a filler before we get into some good angst and drama!! chapter 8 and possibly 9 will be out tomorrow!!

taglist:

@gold-dustwomxn @lil-elliesgf @hopelesssheaven @elliestears @cjrights

[angel-anachronism]

OKAY IVE NEVER REQUESTED BEFORE SO IM SCARED BUT I REALLY LIKE YOUR WORK AND IM JUST WONDWRING IF YOU COULD WRITE A RICKY X FEM! READER WHERE THEY ARE LIKE STARGAZING TOGETHER OR SOMETHING?

OK, I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD! Sorry for not posting in such a long time, but life has been going downhill for me lately, and I just feel so unmotivated, so I'm very sorry for making you wait such a long time! My mom has gotten an operation to get rid of a cyst out of her vocal cords, and she's mute for some time, which has made me go through a very deep depression, and exams have made me go through it even deeper.

But now I'm a little better thanks to friends and family. I'm still very sorry for making you guys wait such a long time for me to write oneshots, but I promise that I'll try writing more!

Anyways, here's your order of a scenario Ricky stargazing together with (Y/N) <3

We also reached over 100 followers, which I still cannot believe! Thank you, guys, so much, I love you all very much!

Anyways, sorry for rambling, so here's the oneshot <3

(Tw: None!)

Rewrite the stars (Ricky x Fem!Reader)

(𝓨/𝓝)'𝓼 𝓟𝓞𝓥

My life was pretty boring until I met this boy named Ricky at school.

Ricky had always been fascinated by the stars. He would spend hours looking up at the night sky, marvelling at the beauty of the constellations and imagining what it would be like to explore the vast expanse of space.

Despite his love for stargazing, Ricky had always been a shy and introverted boy. He had developed a condition that made him unable to speak, and this had always made it difficult for him to make friends and connect with others.

But then, when we first met at choir practice, we immediately hit it off. I saw beyond his silence and understood the beauty and depth of his soul, and he understood mine too.

I'd never felt happier in my life until this boy came into it, and I'm thanking every star in the galaxy for making our meeting even become true.

Speaking about the galaxy, today is a very important and rare day for astronomical events. Today is the day when a solar eclipse occurs!

I and Ricky were very excited about this event, and so we made a plan to witness it: We were going to go to the top of Uranium's highest hill tonight and I might even confess my crush on him... That idea makes me blush.

As I stood on the hill, overlooking the vast expanse of the valley below, I couldn't help but feel my heart racing with excitement. The solar eclipse was about to begin, and I was standing here with the one person who had become so special to me over the past few months: Ricky Potts.

I glanced over at Ricky, and I could see the excitement in his eyes. Despite his inability to speak, he had a way of communicating with me that was so pure and genuine. I felt like I could understand everything he was thinking and feeling, without him ever saying a word.

As we stood there, gazing up at the sky, I noticed how the air around us had grown cooler, and a sense of calm descended over the hill. I felt like we were the only two people in the world, lost in our own private universe.

I looked through the eclipse glasses that Ricky had brought along, and I gasped as I saw the sun slowly being obscured by the moon. The bright disc of the sun was being replaced by a dark circle, and it was as if the world had been plunged into twilight.

Ricky pointed up at the sky, and I followed his gaze to see the corona of the sun blazing around the dark circle. Even though he couldn't speak, I could sense his excitement and wonder, and it made me feel so happy to be there with him.

As the eclipse continued, we stood side by side, lost in our own thoughts and feelings. I couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude for this moment, for being able to witness such a rare and beautiful event with someone who had become so important to me.

As the eclipse ended and the world slowly returned to its normal brightness, Ricky turned to me and smiled. I knew that even though he couldn't say the words, he was thanking me for sharing this experience with him.

"Hey Ricky...I have to admit something to you..." I said. Ricky looked confused. "I like you...And I mean like LIKE you! Wouldyoupleaseacceptmetobeyourgirlfriendprettyplease?" I said the last part faster than sonic the hedgehog could ever say, which made me blush even more.

Ricky started blushing and looking at the ground. Did I do something wrong? Before I could ask him, he signed for me to sit down next to him, and so I did.

At that moment, as I felt the whole universe revolving around us...we finally kissed.

At that moment, I felt like the luckiest person in the world, and I knew that no matter what the future held, this memory would stay with me forever.

𝑅𝑒𝒷𝓁𝑜𝑔 >> 𝐿𝒾𝓀𝑒 (𝒩𝑜𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝒸𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇𝓈)

[the-king-andthe-lionheart]

The Fundamentals of Gendrya

So I just want to establish the possible foreshadowing Arya and Gendry have that hints at a possible romantic relationship in the future, as well as the romantic undertones present in their story.  I’m not really going to focus on symbolism in this meta (although it will come up a couple of times in a minor way), as that will be a focus for future meta.  This is only meant to establish the fundamental basics.

First I want to say that when I’m talking about the romantic possibility of Gendrya, I mean future Gendrya, as in once Arya is older.  However I will posit and say that because we are viewing this in the world of Westeros (in a pseudo Medieval world that GRRM exaggerated and sensationalized from real Medieval sources as well as rumor) and because GRRM has established he has no problems with placing his younger characters in romantic or sexual situations (see Mercy TWOW) I think it would be remiss to think GRRM would not take Arya and Gendry here if that was his plan all along.  After all, there is plenty of precedent.  

This also leads me to remind everyone that Gendry is not an adult when he meets Arya, and the age gap between the two is one of the least egregious age gaps in the books as most of the age gaps are between adult men in their 20’s and 30’s with 12-16 year old girl’s.  I think a lot of people think of the age gap as Arya being 9 the whole time and Gendry being 16, but this is in fact wrong.  According to the timeline, Arya and Gendry meet at the beginning of 299 AC, right around Arya’s 10th birthday.  In 299 AC Gendry was only 13/14 years old.  He was born in 284 AC and is not the same age as Robb and Jon, like Ned surmises.  Gendry is just big for his age, and it’s highly likely Gendry doesn’t even know how old he is.  When Arya and Gendry separate in ASOS Arya is almost 11 while Gendry is 14/15 years old.  

Regardless, this is fiction, and doesn’t reflect real world morals.  So what I’m getting at is that if anyone disagrees with this meta because of their ages I suggest you don’t read any further.

Foreshadowing

Our first hint of foreshadowing happens in Arya’s very first chapter:

She frowned down at them with dismay and glanced over to where her sister Sansa sat among the other girls.  Sansa's needlework was exquisite.  Everyone said so.  “Sansa's work is as pretty as she is,” Septa Mordane told their lady mother once.  “She has such fine, delicate hands.”  When Lady Catelyn had asked about Arya, the septa had sniffed.  “Arya has the hands of a blacksmith.” - Arya I AGOT

This quote is later followed up with:

[...] “I ruined that gown Lady Smallwood gave me, and I don't sew so good.”  She chewed her lip.  “I don't sew very well, I mean.  Septa Mordane used to say I had a blacksmith's hands.”

Gendry hooted.  “Those soft little things,” he called out.  “You couldn't even hold a hammer.” - Arya VII ASOS

In the same book Lem Lemoncloak says this to Gendry:

“You must be a lackwit, boy,” said Lem.  “We're outlaws.  Lowborn scum, most of us, except for his lordship.  Don't think it'll be like Tom's fool songs neither.  You won't be stealing no kisses from a princess, nor riding in no tourneys in stolen armor.  You join us, you'll end with your neck in a noose, or your head mounted up above some castle gate.” - Arya VII ASOS

At this point Arya is indeed a princess, but Lem also makes an obvious reference (to the audience) to the Knight of the Laughing Tree, which I think we can safely say was Lyanna.  The fact that Lyanna is Arya’s literary mirror, tells me we can connect Arya to Lem’s comment, not to mention the inclusion of “princess” just kind of seals the deal.  We also know that Arya is the spitting image of Lyanna and Gendry the spitting image of Robert Baratheon.  I think it’s worth noting also that after Acorn Hall, Lem takes it upon himself to make sure nothing untoward happens between Arya and Gendry (he thought Gendry was taking advantage of Arya after they wrestled) as he starts sleeping in between them, which is seen in Arya V ASOS when they are at The Peach.  Lem saying “Don’t think it’ll be like Tom’s fool songs neither” is also interesting because at Acorn Hall we specifically get Tom singing a love song directed towards Arya and Gendry.

Speaking of Lyanna and Robert being reflections of Arya (in both appearance and personality) and Gendry (in appearance for the most part) this is said in Eddard I AGOT:

We were meant to rule together. If Lyanna had lived, we should have been brothers, bound by blood as well as affection. Well, it is not too late. I have a son. You have a daughter. My Joff and your Sansa shall join our houses, as Lyanna and I might once have done."

Now this quote may be referring to Sansa and Joffrey, but I do think it’s foreshadowing for Gendrya and this is just a misdirect.  After all, Joffrey is not Robert Baratheon’s son by blood, but Gendry is, even though he is illegitimate.  To me this also sounds like a promise.  When you think about it, the story truly begins at the Tourney of Harrenhal with the events that broke the betrothal between Lyanna and Robert, so it would be very cyclical for the ending to do what the beginning could not, binding a Stark and a Baratheon together in marriage.

There are also several references about Arya marrying an apprentice/blacksmith:

“[...] Or if it is marriage and children you desire, tell me, and we shall find a husband for you.  Some honest apprentice boy, a rich old man, a seafarer, whatever you desire.” - Arya II AFFC

We also have a comment made by Jaime:

“Not all,” said Jaime.  “Lord Eddard's daughters live.  One has just been wed.  The other...”  Brienne, where are you?  Have you found her?  “...if the gods are good, she'll forget she was a Stark.  She'll wed some burly blacksmith or fat-faced innkeep, fill his house with children, and never need to fear that some knight might come along to smash their heads against a wall.” - Jaime I ADWD

Now I know what you are going to say, that Jaime is referring to Sansa possibly marrying a blacksmith or innkeep, but if it weren’t for Jaime’s thought’s in the middle towards Brienne, you’d never guess which Stark daughter he is referring to because Sansa was only just recently married as well.  Also it’s Arya who is associated with a blacksmith (Gendry) and a fat-faced innkeep (Hot Pie).  So while Jaime is referring to Sansa here I think we are meant to actually look at the reality behind this and reverse the foreshadowing back onto Arya, because it wasn’t Arya who was recently wed, that was Sansa.  It’s also Arya who is legitimately trying to forget she was a Stark (Sansa isn’t trying to forget, she is only pretending to be Alayne to ensure her protection) and like I mentioned it’s Arya who had a blacksmith and future employee at an inn as companions for two novels.  So I think it’s a foreshadowing switcheroo.  And I think it’s also worth mentioning that while Jaime sent Brienne out to save Sansa, Brienne spends her whole journey almost exclusively hearing news and following leads about Arya.

There is also a reference in Brienne VII AFFC that makes mention that Arya may marry an apprentice boy:

Gendry was the closest thing to a man grown, but it was Willow shouting all the orders, as if she were a queen in her castle and the other children were no more than servants.

If she were highborn, command would come naturally to her, and deference to them.  Brienne wondered whether Willow might be more than she appeared.  The girl was too young and too plain to be Sansa Stark, but she was of the right age to be the younger sister, and even Lady Catelyn had said that Arya lacked her sister's beauty.  Brown hair, brown eyes, skinny...could it be?  Arya Stark's hair was brown, she recalled, but Brienne was not sure about the color of her eyes.  Brown and brown, was that it?  Could it be that she did not die at Saltpans after all?

*

“One day that little girl [Willow] will make some man a frightful wife,” Ser Hyle observed.  “That poor 'prentice boy [Gendry], most like.”

Willow is very obviously a Arya stand-in which makes this specific quote about Arya and Gendry, not Willow and Gendry.

Arya IV ASOS has the strongest case for future romantic Gendrya.  Not only does Gendry follow after Arya and invite her to look at the forge, Gendry opens up to her about his life right before he was uprooted, and does this:

Gendry reached out with the tongs as if to pinch her face, but Arya swatted them away.

Gendry is being playful and open with Arya during most of this scene in the forge, teasing her in a manner that verges on flirting, telling her a story about his past, laughing and having fun with Arya.  And then this happens:

Gendry put the hammer down and looked at her.  “You look different now.  Like a proper little girl.”

“I look like an oak tree, with all these stupid acorns.”

“Nice, though.  A nice oak tree.”  He stepped closer, and sniffed at her.  “You even smell nice for a change.”

“You don't.  You stink.”  Arya shoved him back against the anvil and made to run, but Gendry caught her arm.  She stuck a foot between his legs and tripped him, but he yanked her down with him, and they rolled across the floor of the smithy.  He was very strong, but she was quicker.  Every time he tried to hold her still she wiggled free and punched him.  Gendry only laughed at the blows, which made her mad.  He finally caught both her wrists in one hand and started to tickle her with the other, so Arya slammed her knee between his legs, and wrenched free.  Both of them were covered in dirt, and one sleeve was torn on her stupid acorn dress.  “I bet I don't look so nice now,” she shouted.

Gendry compliments Arya’s looks and scent, only for Arya to think he’s teasing her about her appearance due to her intense insecurity when it comes to highborn conformation (Gendry’s laugh when he first saw her didn’t help matters in her insecurity even though Gendry most likely only laughed out of being startled at her transformation).  This insecurity leads Arya into getting angry and starting a wrestling match with him.  This wrestling scene also directly follows Jaime and Brienne’s very sexually charged sword fight, and could also be interpreted as foreshadowing a romantic and potentially sexual relationship in the future, like theirs did, when they are older.  

Now I’m not saying that I think Gendrya is going to go NC-17 in the books, but I do think it’s likely to go PG-13 by the end of ADOS, considering we have precedent that GRRM has no qualms about writing these types of things as I mentioned above, and we know Arya is going to be 12 in TWOW and may be at least 14-15 when the series ends depending on how much GRRM can spread out the timeline in the next two books.  But considering the amount of stuff that needs to happen, I think the next two books will span 2-3 years before the epilogue begins.

Then there is the love song GRRM specifically wrote for Arya.  A song that has only appeared in one chapter, Arya’s chapter:

“My featherbed is deep and soft,

and there I'll lay you down,

I'll dress you all in yellow silk,

and on your head a crown.

For you shall be my lady love,

and I shall be your lord.

I'll always keep you warm and safe,

and guard you with my sword.

“And how she smiled and how she laughed,

the maiden of the tree.

She spun away and said to him,

no featherbed for me.

I'll wear a gown of golden leaves,

and bind my hair with grass,

But you can be my forest love,

and me your forest lass.”

Now we know this song is about them because when Tom O’Sevens is singing it, he winks at Arya, and later Lady Smallwood specifically says to Arya “I have no gowns of leaves”.  The song specifically mentions yellow – a Baratheon color – and depicts the free spirited “Maiden of the Tree” who wants love on her own terms, which sounds like what an older, flowered version of Arya would want if she fell in love.

Romantic Undertones

Arya’s Crush

As she passed the armory, Arya heard the ring of a hammer. A deep orange glow shone through the high windows. She climbed to the roof and peeked down. Gendry was beating out a breastplate. When he worked, nothing existed for him but metal, bellows, fire. The hammer was like part of his arm. She watched the play of muscles in his chest and listened to the steel music he made. He's strong, she thought. As he took up the long-handled tongs to dip the breastplate into the quenching trough, Arya slithered through the window and leapt down to the floor beside him. - Arya IX ACOK

It’s very subtle but this paragraph tells us everything.  Arya unintentionally reveals in this quote that she watches Gendry blacksmithing enough to know that the world falls away when he’s in his element.  She watches the play of muscles in his back and notes how strong he is and even attaches poetic language to his work.  Arya has a crush on Gendry.  It’s not acknowledged and it’s likely she doesn’t understand it herself, but this seems to be the truth of it, especially with the way GRRM worded this.  I don’t know how many times I’ve read a romance where the protagonist studies their love interest while watching the “play of muscles” in their back or their arms.  It’s also interesting to note that Arya always mentions specifics about Gendry’s looks and notes details about him:

He blinked at her, startled. Strands of thick black hair, still wet from the bathhouse, fell across his deep blue eyes. "I'd hurt you." - Arya II ACOK

"It's me they want," Arya whispered back. His ear smelled of soap. "You be quiet." - Arya II ACOK

When she spied Gendry, his bare chest was slick with sweat, but the blue eyes under the heavy black hair had the stubborn look she remembered. - Arya VIII ACOK

"She's not alone." Gendry rode out from behind the cottage wall, and behind him Hot Pie, leading her horse. In his chainmail shirt with a sword in his hand, Gendry looked almost a man grown, and dangerous. Hot Pie looked like Hot Pie. - Arya II ASOS

Now most of these I’d normally chalk up to the author just being descriptive, but if that’s the case, why don’t we know more about Hot Pie’s looks, who Arya spent nearly a year with at the same time as Gendry?  Why does she take special time out to describe Gendry so much?  Honestly I think part of it is to keep reminding us that Gendry is a secret Baratheon bastard, but that doesn’t explain the first quote about Arya watching the “play of muscles” in his back and noting how strong he is.  So I think it’s a combination of GRRM wanting to remind the audience that Gendry is a Baratheon and to also subtly show us that Arya has an innocent crush on him, but doesn’t know or acknowledge that this is the case out loud.

Their Mutual Jealousy

Starting after the events of Acorn Hall in Arya IV ASOS, it’s obvious that something shifts in Arya and Gendry’s relationship.  One aspect is that Gendry can no longer ignore that Arya is indeed a highborn girl after seeing her for the first time dressed up as one.  He knows what class differences will mean for their friendship.  And another aspect, is that Gendry acknowledges that he may be romantically interested in Arya, or at least acknowledges the potential for those feelings to emerge in time.  And because of this, combined with their class differences, Gendry knows that if he follows Arya to Riverrun where her mother and brother are, he would end up watching Arya grow into someone he could romantically love, only for her to be torn away from him due to an arranged marriage.  Both of these aspects play a factor in why we see Gendry become more outwardly scathing towards highborns in the chapters following this and why his behavior seems to become one rife with jealousy.

In Arya V ASOS the Brotherhood Without Banners travel to The Peach and both of the above aspects I spoke of are present in this chapter:

"You don't even know what a brothel is."

"I do so," she insisted. "It's like an inn, with girls."

He was turning red again. "What are you doing here, then?" he demanded. "A brothel's no fit place for no bloody highborn lady, everybody knows that."

And when Gendry protects Arya from a pervert by saying that she’s his sister, this is what goes down:

"Why did you say that?" Arya hopped to her feet. "You're not my brother."

"That's right," he said angrily. "I'm too bloody lowborn to be kin to m'lady high."

Arya was taken aback by the fury in his voice. "That's not the way I meant it."

"Yes it is." He sat down on the bench, cradling a cup of wine between his hands. "Go away. I want to drink this wine in peace. Then maybe I'll go find that black-haired girl and ring her bell for her."

Arya doesn’t really understand the intentions of the pervert, despite knowing of sex, and is confused on why Gendry would say that he’s her brother, but when she asks him, he takes it the wrong way since he is already so sensitive about their class differences at this point in their story.  That last paragraph is what makes this exchange really interesting though.  Why would Gendry say this, when it’s already made clear and established in this chapter that Gendry has no intentions of sleeping with any of the girls, even when it’s offered to him for free?  He is very obviously lying to try to get a rise out of Arya and the only way this makes sense is if we put it under a romantic lens.

Then we have this:

Arya whirled and left him there. A stupid bullheaded bastard boy, that's all he is. He could ring all the bells he wanted, it was nothing to her.

Now considering Arya’s defense mechanism (the mechanism that has her calling things or people stupid when she’s hurt or feeling inadequate by them to try to make the pain and hurt not seem so severe) the fact that she calls Gendry a “stupid bullheaded bastard boy” and proclaims Gendry ringing the bells of any girl was “nothing to her” tells us that it matters to her and that she’s upset.  This is further reiterated in Arya VIII ASOS:

Arya wished she had another crabapple to bounce off his face. "My father had honor," she said angrily. "And we weren't talking to you anyway. Why don't you go back to Stoney Sept and ring that girl's stupid bells?"

So here we have Arya mention this three chapters later, likely weeks if not months later.  If Arya didn’t care about Gendry ringing “all the bells he wanted” then why is she still so hurt and jealous?  She’s obviously been stewing about this for a while.

In this same chapter we also see gems from Gendry that clearly proclaim that he’s still plagued about his class differences to Arya.  It also clearly shows that Gendry is jealous of Edric Dayne once Arya befriends him, especially since she befriended someone highborn, like her, who just so happens to be a boy who we know has nearly the same coloring as Rhaegar Targaryen, which evokes the history repeating motif that is present in Arya’s arc of the Rhaegar/Lyanna/Robert love triangle.

"You have a knife," Gendry suggested. "If your hair annoys you so much, shave your bloody head."

He doesn't like Ned. The squire seemed nice enough to Arya; maybe a little shy, but good-natured. She had always heard that Dornishmen were small and swarthy, with black hair and small black eyes, but Ned had big blue eyes, so dark that they looked almost purple. And his hair was a pale blond, more ash than honey. - Arya VIII ASOS

And

"My lady?" Ned looked embarrassed. "I'm Edric Dayne, the . . . the Lord of Starfall."

Behind them, Gendry groaned. "Lords and ladies," he proclaimed in a disgusted tone. Arya plucked a withered crabapple off a passing branch and whipped it at him, bouncing it off his thick bull head. "Ow," he said. "That hurt." He felt the skin above his eye. "What kind of lady throws crabapples at people?"

"The bad kind," said Arya, suddenly contrite. 

Gendry continues to encapsulate “ours is the fury” during Arya’s whole exchange with Edric Dayne.

I do want to add that I know Gendry’s class issues have always been there, and it’s definitely been made even more apparent to him during the War of the Five Kings during his time in the wartorn Riverlands with Arya, so it’s not exactly that far-fetched that Gendry may become even more sensitive and/or bitter about it.  However, this extremity of his behavior only happened after Acorn Hall where he saw Arya looking like the highborn girl she is.  And while I do believe part of Gendry’s increase of bitterness about their class differences does have to do with potential romantic feelings, I also think it has to do with Gendry also coming to terms with the fact that Arya’s family is also directly responsible for the carnage they have seen and experienced (even though he doesn’t blame Arya, as she seems to be one of Gendry’s exceptions when it comes to his dislike of the nobility).  If it weren’t for the blatant flirting on his behalf in the forge at Acorn Hall and the jealousy, I would honestly chalk it up to Gendry trying to reconcile his own trauma and anger regarding highborns, including Arya’s family’s sins, but alas, that is not completely the case.

Post Separation

When Arya is kidnapped by the Hound and witnesses the Red Wedding, Arya contemplates where she may go and this crosses her thoughts in a very romanticized light:

She could stay with Hot Pie, or maybe Lord Beric would find her there. Anguy would teach her to use a bow, and she could ride with Gendry and be an outlaw, like Wenda the White Fawn in the songs.

But that was just stupid, like something Sansa might dream. - Arya XII ASOS

The fact that Arya follows this thought up with “that was just stupid, like something Sansa might dream” tells us specifically what type of fantasy this is.  Arya isn’t fantasizing about an adventure, she’s fantasizing about love and romance, considering those are the types of flights of fancy Sansa always loses herself in.  Now Arya isn’t outright rejecting the possibility of romance here, because there is more to that second paragraph:

But that was just stupid, like something Sansa might dream. Hot Pie and Gendry had left her just as soon as they could, and Lord Beric and the outlaws only wanted to ransom her, just like the Hound. None of them wanted her around. They were never my pack, not even Hot Pie and Gendry. I was stupid to think so, just a stupid little girl, and no wolf at all.

She rejects the possibility because she remembers that Hot Pie and Gendry abandoned her as soon as they could, and that all the Brotherhood did was use her, according to her perspective on the matter.  And her perspective is entirely skewed because of her abandonment and low self-esteem issues, as well as not fully understanding the class issues as she honestly didn’t think that bringing Hot Pie and Gendry to Riverrun and Winterfell would cause any issues with their friendships, which is understandable for a kid to think.  Especially one that hadn’t been in the highborn world for the past year and a half.  In fact, Medieval children in the real world and in the books, weren’t reprimanded for playing together regardless of class, usually the highborn children played with the children of those who worked and lived within the castle walls, from other lords children to stewards children to the helps children.  It’s just something children did until they reached a certain age where it just wasn’t allowed anymore.  So it’s only natural for this not to really factor into Arya’s plans.

When Arya is about to walk into the House of Black and White, Arya comforts her fear with a memory of Gendry:

Suddenly she was somewhere else . . . back in Harrenhal with Gendry [...] - Arya I AFFC

Which indicates that Gendry is still very much on her mind at this point.  I think it really says something as well that Arya takes comfort from a memory at Harrenhal of all places.  I think this indicates how much comfort she took from their friendship.  I also think she doesn’t think about Gendry with the Brotherhood to take her comfort because while ASOS has the most romantic foreshadowing for them and the two shared some nice moments, it was also the start of them truly fracturing, or so her unreliable narration interpreted it as.  After all, she actually thought that Gendry was making fun of her looks at Acorn Hall, and she thought Gendry didn’t want to be her friend anymore as he “abandoned her” for the Brotherhood.  So while Harrenhal was awful and they had their disagreements there, Arya still felt reassured with his companionship and likely found it uncomplicated in comparison to her other problems at the time.

*

When we next see Gendry in Brienne VII AFFC we see a drastically different Gendry.  While Gendry has always been guarded and sullen with a chip on his shoulder, with little love for the nobility, this change is drastic enough where it’s unsettling to read at first.  Not only is Gendry just flat out rude in a very mean way but he is filled with rage.  Gendry joined the Brotherhood because he liked how they handled justice, but under Lady Stoneheart there is no justice and he doesn’t seem to mind.  His beliefs have shifted as well.

And though his eyes had been that same deep blue, Lord Renly's eyes had always been warm and welcoming, full of laughter, whereas this boy's eyes brimmed with anger and suspicion.

Septon Meribald asked if he might lead the children in a grace, ignoring the small girl crawling naked across the table. "Aye," said Willow, snatching up the crawler before she reached the porridge. So they bowed their heads together and thanked the Father and the Mother for their bounty . . . all but the black-haired boy from the forge, who crossed his arms against his chest and sat glowering as the others prayed. Brienne was not the only one to notice. When the prayer was done Septon Meribald looked across the table, and said, "Do you have no love for the gods, son?"

"Not for your gods." Gendry stood abruptly. "I have work to do." He stalked out without a bite of food.

Gendry was at his forge, bare-chested beneath his leather apron. He was beating on a sword as if he wished it were a foe [...]

What would a knight be doing working at a smithy? "You have black hair and blue eyes, and you were born in the shadow of the Red Keep. Has no one ever remarked upon your face?"

"What's wrong with my face? It's not as ugly as yours."

Lord Renly was ahead of her, her sweet smiling king. He was leading her horse through the trees. Brienne called out to tell him how much she loved him, but when he turned to scowl at her, she saw that he was not Renly after all. Renly never scowled. He always had a smile for me, she thought . . . except . . .

While some people chalk up Gendry’s behavior as a result of trauma about what he experienced in the Riverlands, and I don’t deny that is a factor, I don’t believe it’s the only factor because we didn’t see Gendry like this post Harrenhal or even with the Brotherhood in ASOS.  Yes he embodied “ours is the fury” at times and was jealous and bitter, and rude at times as well, but he wasn’t flat out cruel to people, nor filled with rage and vengeance.  The Gendry before Arya was taken would never have led Brienne to Lady Stoneheart for the slaughter after she tried to save everyone in that Inn against Rorge and Biter and co.  We can also see another difference in Gendry:

Lightning cracked to the south as the riders swung down off their horses. For half a heartbeat darkness turned to day. An axe gleamed silvery blue, light shimmered off mail and plate, and beneath the dark hood of the lead rider Brienne glimpsed an iron snout and rows of steel teeth, snarling.

Gendry saw it too. "Him."

While there is no emphasis on the “him” when Gendry sees the Hound’s helm, it’s an abrupt and emotionless statement.  It’s one word without emphasis but it conveys a lot.  Gendry recognizes the Hound’s helm and it’s apparent he’s not happy, thinking that it was indeed the Hound for a minute.  And while I’m trying to avoid discussing symbolism, I just can’t ignore how the lightning that cracked in the south could also be symbolic of Gendry’s true mood.  He is, after all, a bastard Baratheon, connected to the storm, the fury - thunder and lightning - as well as sharing a connection to the god, Thor in our mythology.  This lightning could symbolically be linked to Gendry’s anger and vengeance.  So why does Gendry act like this when he sees who he thinks is the Hound again?  He had no issue with the Hound during his trial by combat, so what changed?  The Hound kidnapped Arya.  And while he knows Arya didn’t die at the Red Wedding, he and the Brotherhood aren’t entirely sure if the Hound sold Arya to the Lannister’s and if she is now Arya Bolton.  So it makes complete sense why he would have issues with the Hound.  In fact I think a lot of this behavior we are seeing from Gendry is the direct result of the Hound kidnapping Arya and not knowing if she’s dead or being brutally raped and tortured in the North.

Why do I think this?  Because this behavior began between Arya being kidnapped in ASOS and Brienne VII AFFC.  Only a few to a handful of months have passed since then.  This, I believe, is the inciting incident.  Another reason why I believe Arya is the reason is because of what he is doing.  He is staying at the Crossroads Inn, one of the last known places Arya was sighted, and he’s helping take care of orphaned children.  Arya took in strays as well and cared for them, like Weasel.  And considering how Gendry in ACOK wanted to leave Weasel and Hot Pie and Lommy behind, it’s interesting to see that he’s helping by taking in strays himself now, as if he thinks he may be able to atone for not saving Arya.  Another reason is because the Brotherhood is actively searching for Arya as well.  She is ever present on their minds.  So yes, I believe part of Gendry’s change has to do with losing Arya, which goes to show how much he really cared about her.  Not to mention (a tiny bit more symbolism, oopsie!), Gendry’s stay at the inn, waiting for Arya to return (I believe Gendry and the BWB are hoping that Arya is alive and will return to the inn) is a romantic aspect to the mythology of Weyland the Smith and his Swan Maiden/Valkyrie, and the aspect about the Brotherhood + Gendry searching the realm for Arya is also a romantic Cinderella motif, hence why I feel Gendry’s behavior here is supposed to have romantic subtext.

*

Extra:  Another interesting aspect that I think foreshadows this future relationship is the meaning of Gendry’s name.  Gendry is a nickname type of surname for a person who has inherited his family estates from his father-in-law, deriving its origin from the Old French word “gendre,” which meant “son-in-law.”  And as we know if Arya and Gendry married when they were older, Arya wouldn’t be taking his name, but he hers, due to her higher status.  So by marrying into the Stark family, he would be inheriting from his father-in-law Ned so to speak, even if it’s just inheriting the surname.

So this is everything I’ve compiled so far about Gendrya, that relies on just their foreshadowing and romantic undertones in the texts we have available but I’m positive I’ll be adding more to this list once TWOW officially releases.  However, I still have a lot more to share that focuses on their symbolism and motifs throughout the story, so I’m definitely not done making Gendrya meta, far from it and I can’t wait to share it with you all!  

And if anyone is interested in Arya’s and by extension Gendrya’s Cinderella motifs, you can find it at this link:  A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes.

[rattyoakenbitch]

❝𝐢𝐟 𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝❞ ─ 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧

i don't want your sympathy, i guess ive had it rough but you don't really care

❥ content ; gn reader, eventual fluff, angst, pining, happy ending

❥ warnings ; injury, swearing, mentions of death

❥ synopsis ; when you get badly injured during a mission, only then does levi realize the depths of his feelings for you. now the question is, is it too late?

❥ a/n ; i don't have a taglist yet so feel free to ask to get added!

You glided through the trees alongside your team, adrenaline running through your veins.

Kicking yourself off a tree, you landed your body with ease onto a lone Titan spotted in the forest below you. With a swift swing of the blade, the Titan was on the ground.

Finished, you zipped yourself back into the air, joining your team member's formation as you all flew together.

"Y/N!" Captain Levi shouted, resent dripping off of his words. Here we go again. "Do not deviate from original course! We are here to scout, not to thrill seek."

The team came to a slow. They stood on the branches, overlooking the land beneath them.

"I was not thrill seeking, sir, I was doing my job," you defended, turning to Captain Levi. Though he was shorter than you were, his cold stare and unwavering demeanor intimidated you.

"Your job is to follow my orders, brat, not go off wandering like an idiot!"

"I didn't wander, I was quick to regroup! You're just finding a reason to take your anger out on me," you retorted. "Then again, I wouldn't be surprised. Considering your height, it's no wonder you can barely contain your anger in such a small body."

As much as he wanted to push you off the tree, Levi kept his poise.

By now the team could hear you and Levi's bickering, but considering they were used to it, they decided to butt out and focus on planning the route.

"Stable duty when we get back."

And then he walked away, leaving you fuming.

As you continued with the scouting mission, you encountered too many Titans that you couldn't just brush them off. Angry and left with no choice, Levi shouted orders to forget the original plan and fight back.

Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted two Titans approaching Jean and Armin with intent. You narrowed your eyes. This was your chance. You bolted off the tree, flying fast towards the two Titans. You got your gear out, ready to slice their napes, when one of the Titans looked your way, a sick smile on its face.

"Y/N!" Armin called out in a panic as the Titan extended its arm, swiping at you like a fly. Before its hand could collide with you, you were pushed out of the way by none other than Levi.

He wrapped his arms around you securely, one underneath your bottom and his other around your back. You heard him whisper a profanity, his hot breath fanning your neck as he spoke. Though it wasn't the time or the place, you couldn't help but let your mind wander.

You were brought back to reality when Levi glided deeper into the forest, setting you down onto the ground harsher than necessary.

Totally caught off guard, your back was shoved against a tree. Levi was quick to block your exits, predicting you would try to resist.

His arms caged you between him and the tree, leaving little to no distance between your bodies. You could feel your face get hot, either out of embarrassment or his body heat mixing with yours.

"What the hell is wrong with you, brat?!" Yelled Levi, eyes wild with rage. However, something felt different about this compared to when he scolded you for separating from the group. But you couldn't quite put your finger on it.

"Me?" You scoffed. "You're the crazy psycho who stole me away and cornered me in this forest!" You pushed at his chest, successfully shoving him off of you. "I had everything under control."

"You were almost killed! I can't have reckless people on my team. I'm a captain, not a babysitter, so get your shit together or get the hell off my team."

You stood against the tree quietly, Levi's venomous words stunning you into silence. Levi continued to stare deep into your eyes, his expression never changing. However, as the seconds passed, you saw a sliver of regret in his eyes, lasting only for a mere second.

You took a deep breath, trying to choose your words carefully. "I- Just.. Why do you hate me so much?"

Levi raised a brow while you continued to speak.

"I know I'm not the best fighter. Not compared to Misaka or Eren. But what did I do to deserve so much hatred from you? Even when I'm not doing anything wrong, you look at me like I'm the most disgusting person you've seen."

Despite feeling a sting of guilt at your words, Levi put on a dismissive act. "Tch, you're being dramatic. I'm not about to discuss this with you."

Why the fuck did he say that?

"Maybe if you listened to me for two damn seconds you wouldn't get such an earful."

Why is he being such an asshole? Gods, just tell them already. Stop this bullshit.

No longer finding it in you to care, you began to raise your voice, angry tears spilling down your face. "I try my best to make you like me. I try to show you that I'm capable and strong, but you still treat me as if I'm inferior. Like my skills are nothing. Like I'm nothing."

Emotionless, Levi replied, "Because you are. Look at you. You're a crybaby. You should've stayed back." Lies. All lies.

"Ugh- well maybe you should've just let me get killed since you despise me so much!"

With that, you grab your gear and zip away as far from Levi as possible, tears blowing out of your face and into the wind.

"Hey, where are you going?!"

You ignored him as you continued to speed through the trees, searching for your team. Your friends. Anybody.

"Y/N! Look out!"

You heard Eren shout, making you spin around frantically to search for the danger.

There it was.

An Abnormal ran your way, crawling like a dog on its hands and feet.

It had been chasing the team for a while now, evident in its animalistic, hungry look.

Steadily hanging off a branch, you watch the Titan from afar, then look back at the team.

"I'll distract it! You guys go!"

They looked at you as if you had grown two extra heads.

"You'll die!" Mikasa argued. "We can take it!"

"Just go!"

The Titan started to get closer. The team looked behind you, then back at you. Though they looked ready and determined to take it down, you knew they felt as terrified as you were. Fighting Titans was just something you don't think you'll ever get used to.

"Please be careful. We're gonna find Captain Levi!"

You nodded, then turned around, watching as the Titan ran towards you, totally disregarding the rest of the team.

"You want me? Come get me."

When you decided it was close enough, you darted into the forest and soared through the trees, only narrowly missing them. The Abnormal followed you, but hit itself on the trees and destroyed many in the process.

While the Abnormal continued to run through the forest, leaves and trees blocking its direct vision of you, you took a chance and turned back, flying past the Abnormal.

You did a quick u-turn and hopped onto its back.

You got it now.

As it chased after nothing, completely unaware, you slashed the nape of its neck.

With you still on its back, the Titan went limp mid-jump, falling onto the ground hard enough to create an earthquake. Unprepared for the collision, you went flying off its body.

Instead of bracing yourself for the fall, you frantically reached for your gear in an attempt to glide back up to the trees.

Before you got the chance, your body met with the ground, a loud thud echoing from the impact.

In the distance, the rest of the team continued to fight until they got to the very last Titan. Levi, though he was the last to regroup, helped effectively take down the Titans.

It wasn't evident in his stoic expression, but he searched among his surroundings and the faces of his team for you, afraid the worst had happened. Dammit, why did he have to be such an asshole? What Levi said to you, he meant none of it. But he feared he wouldn't get the chance to tell you that. Idiot.

"Is everybody here?!" Levi shouted as his team gathered around him.

"Yeah, we're alive-"

"Wait, where's Y/N?"

The team began to search among themselves, now becoming anxious as well.

"Well, where are they? Did you not see them at all?" Levi asked in a calm tone, despite his heart beat pounding in his ears. No. He wasn't going to slip up. Not here, not now. He needed to remain strong.

Mikasa spoke up. "We last saw them when we were being chased by an Abnormal! They offered to distract it and take care of it themselves."

Levi shouted, a crack in his voice, "And you let them?!"

"Y/N is strong! One of the best fighters we have here," Eld said. "They've probably already taken it down by now."

"Then where are they?!" Levi growled, becoming more frustrated by the second.

"Hey, look!" Armin yelled, shaking his finger towards the steam in the distance. "Eld was right! Y/N did kill it after all!"

Wasting no more time, Levi commanded the team to follow him. Soon again, they were up in the trees, running your direction. They stopped as soon as they came across a clearing in the forest where the Abnormal laid lifelessly.

"Everyone! Find Y/N!"

The team split, searching the area for any sign of you.

Levi dreaded the thought of finding you like they found the Titan. No. You killed it. You had to be alive.

Levi repeated that in his head. You had to be alive.

Because if you weren't, he wouldn't know what he would do.

Your eyes shot open at the sound of panicked screams echoing around you. You pushed yourself off of the ground in a rush, only to stumble back with an agonizing scream, pain shooting up the lower half of your body.

"Fucking hell! Oh shit," you fell back on the grass defeatedly, hot tears welling in your eyes at the intense pain and aches across your whole body. "Dammit!"

You didn't know which bones were broken, where you were, if you were bleeding out. So you just laid there alone, helpless and numb. Waiting.

Just when the team was beginning to lose hope, a blood curdling scream echoed throughout the forest, easily catching the team's attention. They headed towards the source of the sound, but Levi was the first on it, already sprinting through the forest to find you.

When he did, he felt his heart drop down to his stomach. You laid in a small clearing behind some old trees and bushes, a puddle of blood beneath your body. Your uniform was torn and your 3DMG was rendered useless at this point. If not for the scream, or the fast rise and fall of your chest, he would've mistaken you for being dead.

Levi rushed to your side and got onto his knees, lifting up your body into his arms.

"Y/N? Can you hear me? Y/N?"

You coughed, wheezing and struggling to make a coherent sound. Blood dripped down the corner of your mouth as you spoke, "You were right, Captain. I never stood a chance, did I?Shoulda just stayed." You laughed pitifully.

Now Levi was angry, but not at you. "Shut up! Don't say stupid shit like that! You're going to be okay."

The team found you, stopping short at the sight of Levi holding you carefully, like a porcelain doll, ready to break.

He didn't care anymore. He didn't bother to put up a front. Not when you were like this, half dead in his arms. He pressed his forehead to yours, whispering in your ear so only you could hear.

"I can't lose you too.."

Everyone else only continued to watch the intimate scene unfold before them.

When you fell unconcious, Levi squeezed his eyes shut, trying his best to keep his composure. Why was he acting like this? Usually he would be quick to solve problems without letting his feelings get in the way. Why was he so helpless now?

He turned around, scowling at the group who just stood by idly.

"Get over here and help them, you fools!"

You hated it. You hated having to be looked after or saved like a princess in a children's storybook. You didn't want to run away anymore, or simply stand in waiting, hoping for someone to rescue you. You were done being hunted. So you joined the Scouts after years of hard work and training. If you had only thought more carefully or put your parent's advice in consideration, you wouldn't be in your current situation, regretting ever joining Levi's team. You wouldn't have ended up in the infirmary.

You passed out in Levi's arms after suffering from injuries during your fight with the Abnormal Titan, according to your friends. They came by to visit you when the medic alerted them that you had woken up from your coma.

"How long was I out for?" You winced as you massaged your still pounding head. "When did I even get here?"

"You've been unconcious for two days. We retreated to the city as Captain Levi instructed and you've been under their care since," Eren answered. He noticed your demeanor as you looked around the room and picked at your skin, a nervous habit you recently formed. "Everybody's alive, so don't you worry."

"Where are they?"

"Well, they did have to receive medical attention since they got hurt, but they're okay! They miss you, ya know?" Armin said excitedly. "We'll make sure to fill you in on everything when you're out of here."

You pursed your lips. "Speaking of which, when will I be discharged?"

"You can't exactly walk right now, but.. you should be up and ready to go within a week! Then we can go on another mission and-"

"Eren. Armin. Mikasa." Your attention was torn away from Eren, your eyes darting towards the source of the voice.

"Captain Levi!" They all exclaimed in unison.

"I would like to speak with Y/N in private." He glanced at trio, his eyes narrowing. "Out."

The three walked out, heads bowed like sad little puppies. You waved at them as they went before turning to Levi who now stood by your bed.

"What do you want?" You asked bitterly, nose scrunching up in a sneer.

"Commander Erwin informed me of your decision," he spoke softly, differing from his usual cold tone.

You huffed. "Yeah, took your advice and resigned. You won't have to worry about babysitting me anymore."

A pang of guilt shot through Levi's heart, causing him to flinch. He hoped you didn't catch that.

He remembered his own regretful words as it replayed in his head. Just like your cries and pained expression, which he was unable to simply brush off, he couldn't forget how he mistreated you. And he would never forgive himself, either. The sight of your injured body laying there, all alone. He couldn't shake the scene off his mind, no matter how hard he tried. Even in his dreams.

Evident in his eyebags that seemed to have darkened in shade, he wasn't able to get much sleep the past couple days because of it.

"I take it you hate me, then," Levi suggested, prompting you to laugh mockingly.

"Oh, no, I could never," you said, sarcasm dripping off your voice as you fake fawned over Levi. "Levi Ackerman, Humanity's Strongest.. I just adore you."

Levi hid his offended expression and ignored your antics as he continued. "I was afraid I couldn't get the chance to apologize to you. When I found you there, I.." He squeezed his eyes shut and furrowed his brows together, forcing his tears not to fall. Why now?

"Yeah, well, you fucked up. About time you feel a little heartache," you mumbled, looking around the room, anywhere but Levi.

"A little?! Look, I'm trying to apologize here!" He shouted. "Do you have no idea how fucking terrified I've been for you, you brat?!"

"No, Captain Levi, so why don't you enlighten me on how much you care?!" You huffed, crossing your arms. "Because if you did, then maybe I wouldn't be bed ridden!"

Levi's face softened at the sight of a single tear escaping your eye. He took a seat on the bed beside you and reached out to brush away your tear.

With your quick reflexes, you caught his hand and pushed it back towards him.

"Don't you dare touch me. You've done enough damage, Levi. Just go and stop wasting my time."

Just like you, he was stubborn. He stood his ground.

"I-I'm sorry."

You let out an exasperated sigh. "You must think I'm stupid. No way I'm buying that bullshit."

"You need to stop pushing me away, Y/N!"

"What is that, an order?" You taunted. "You don't get to be sorry, Levi. It's too late for that. You waited for me to almost die just to tell me that? Is that what it takes? What if I hadn't survived? What then?"

"You don't think I haven't thought about that?! That's why I'm here!"

"Yeah, and who's fault is that?"

"You should've listened to me! I was trying to protect you!"

"Well thanks a lot. Now both my kneecaps are broken and I won't be able to walk for weeks!" You shake your head. "You think just because we shared a moment while I was dying that I'm okay now? Trust me, if I had the strength, I would have slapped you then and there."

"Then why don't you now?"

"At this point, you're not even worth getting angry over. So stop giving me that pitiful look. I really prefer you shouting at me instead. At least I'm used to it." You mumble the last part, but Levi catches it easily.

"That's it then, you leave me no choice." You look at Levi curiously. "You infuriate me, brat, you really do. You're so careless and oblivious all the time, you forget to look after yourself. And I'm not ready to watch you throw away your life so irrationally from the sidelines."

"So what are you trying to tell me, Levi?"

"Tch, you're just gonna make me say it, aren't you?" He takes a deep breath. "I'm not good at this, and I hate to admit it, to you of all people. It makes me mad to see you risk your life because I care about you.. and I can't lose you. I've dealt with too much death. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you alive, even if it means dying.." Levi trails off, then scoffs and crosses his arms like a petty little child. "I said it, all right? I like you-- A lot, you stupid brat!"

You searched Levi's eyes for any trace of dishonesty. You hoped he was lying, like he had some sort of script prepared before he came to see you. But you found no lies in his eyes.

You felt your heart break. All this time when you thought Levi just really hated you, he was looking out for you.

"I.. Why didn't you just tell me?" Your voice fell apart as you spoke. "I tried so hard to make you like me back.. And it hurt because I thought you just hated my guts. I had no idea."

"I know, I was being stupid too- It shouldn't have come to this," Levi admitted. "I.. I'll let you rest now."

Levi stood up to leave, but you were quick to pull him back onto the bed with you. Without letting him react, you grabbed his face and interlocked your lips with his. All the tension in his body disappeared and he melted into the kiss, throwing his arms around you tightly like he'd lose you if he ever let go. It wasn't a soft, romantic, movie perfect kiss. It was desperate, tongue and teeth, hands wandering, disheveling the other's hair. You released all of your built up anger and resent, letting it fuel you while you aggresively fought your tongue with his, a faint taste a hint of alcohol now on your own mouth. Occasionally you'd both break the kiss for short intakes of breath and small whispers like 'don't scare me like that again' and 'I've needed this for a while now'. You couldn't help but moan, earning a grin from Levi as he continued to hungrily devour your lips. Just as things escalated, you remembered you were still in the infirmary, and anyone could walk in any minute now. You slowly pulled away, your chest heaving as you panted for breath.

Levi couldn't help but twist his lips up into a little smirk. That was new.

"Well at least you're not a bad first kisser," he spoke nonchalantly, still gasping for air. You playfully punched him in the chest.

"Quite the romantic, aren't you?" You rolled your eyes but couldn't stop yourself from smiling like an idiot. "You're not bad either, old man."

Blush spread across his cheeks.

He took your hand in his, bringing it to his swollen and raw lips and placed a small kiss on your knuckles.

"Promise me you won't leave me again?"

"Promise," you sighed blissfully. "And I guess I'll have to tell Commander Erwin about my change of plans."

"Actually," a deep voice spoke. At the door, there stood none other than Commander Erwin. "I think I already know."

[daringyounggrayson]

whumptober day 4: pushed (AO3)

It’s raining. Normally, that’s a non-issue; Dick’s Nightwing suit is mostly waterproof, and his boots are designed to have excellent traction, even in less-than-ideal conditions. But this is pushing it. He’s on top of a moving train, his vision is limited due to the rain and his mask’s broken night vision, and his shoes are struggling to plant themselves firmly on the slippery train roof. And the rain is heavy, coming down in sheets, and the wind is howling, nearly knocking him over on more than one occasion—it’s the worst storm Bludhaven has had in years.

And then there’re the goons trying to knock him off the train. Now their fight has become a strange dance where Dick is trying to dodge blows while also making sure they don’t fall off in their attempts to kill him. The ridiculousness of trying to keep people who are trying to harm him safe is not lost on Dick.

If he could, he’d just stick trackers on them and call it a night, but that’s not an option—there are bombs hidden somewhere in the train and/or along its route. People could die.

A branch from a nearby tree falls onto the train, causing all three men to jump back, seeking cover. Dick nearly slips off again, and from their screams, he’s sure the other two do too. Dick is on his hands and knees, balancing there as he tries to figure out how to use this to his advantage. There’s an entrance a few cars ahead. If he’s quiet and stays out of their line of sight, they’ll probably assume he fell off the train. He could easily get past them and slip inside to stop the train and get everyone off before these two fools can even set off their bombs. Ideally, Dick would also find and disarm the bombs, but replacing a train and some of its tracks is something Dick can live with so long as no one gets hurt.

He lies down on his stomach, army crawling across the train’s roof, letting the branch block him from his enemies’ view. When he gets to the ladder, he slides his legs over the edge until his foot hits a rung. Then he leaps from one ladder to the next, catching the next rung with a tight grip. It would be faster to simply jump across the rooftops, but he needs to be as discrete as possible.

He’s nearly there—just a few yards left to go—when a gun goes off. He instinctively stills and covers his head, and a bullet bounces off the train several feet away from him. Normally, gunshots wouldn’t be a shock in this kind of scenario, but Dick’s already disarmed them, he—

He looks up to find a third partner. He’s just exited from the same place Dick was hoping to enter through, and he’s holding a gun with a shaking hand. Fantastic.

Dick moves like lightning—he charges the man and knocks the gun out of his hand before his trembling fingers can find the trigger.

“How many of your people are here right now?” Dick shouts above the wind, holding the man in a headlock.

“It doesn’t matter. it’s too late,” the man sneers. “You can’t stop us now.”

“That’s what they all say.” Dick swipes his legs and knocks him to the ground, pulling out handcuffs and attaching him to a nearby bar. “But you know what? I kind of like being underestimated.”

Dick stands, planning to walk back to the hatch and enter the train. He hasn’t even taken his first step when heavy footsteps charge toward him. Dick ducks just in time to avoid being body-slammed by one of the goons from the other train car, and the man stumbles, losing his balance and sliding along the length of the roof. He’s quick to get back up and charge Dick again, this time with raised fists and an animalistic screech.

“I’m kind of on a tight schedule here,” Dick calls as he engages in the fight. He really doesn’t have time for this; the train’s picking up speed.

A large gust of wind nearly knocks him over again, and his boots squeak as they try and fail to find traction. The thug lunges at him, tripping over his own feet but managing to land a weak hit against Dick’s shoulder.

It’s ridiculous that it’s enough to send him tipping over the edge.

He tries and fails to find his footing, only managing to slip backward further. He reflexively reaches out for the attacker’s hand, but he forces himself to retract; the odds of Dick pulling him down and killing him are higher than the odds of the man managing to hold their combined weight. As he falls over the edge, the tips of his fingers brush against the train car’s safety bar, but the rain prevents him from grasping it.

He hits the ground, tries to roll with the fall. The initial impact knocks the wind out of him, and he’s left gasping as sharp pain explodes over his head and back. When he finally stops, he’s covered in mud and blood, and every inch of him feels sore. It wasn’t a long fall, but it was fast and hard.

He pushes himself up on shaking elbows, watches as the blurry figures on the roof disappear into the train car. He’s not going to get back there; even if he had the time, even if he had super speed, he doesn’t think he can move. He needs help.

Dick presses his emergency beacon and calls Wally on his comms. He thinks he says something, but he must pass out, because next thing he knows, Wally’s tapping his cheek, begging him to wake up. He’s blurry, which doesn’t make sense, because Wally’s not running—the only thing moving is his hand, and it’s slow.

Instead of voicing his confusion, Dick vomits. Wally rolls him onto his side, talking too fast for Dick to understand.

In between gasps, Dick says, “The train. Bombs.” His voice sounds wrong to his own ears, slurred.

“You’re hurt,” Wally points out, hesitant. His hands are bloody. How did Wally get blood on his hands already?

“I don’t care—you have to save them!” Dick says, gritting his teeth and closing his eyes as the pain builds in his head. “Medical is on their way—go!”

oOo

Dick isn’t awake when the medical team arrives, but he does wake up, so he figures they did show up.

He raises his hand to rub at his eyes and finds an IV sticking out of it, stuck to his hand with clear tape. He turns his head, taking in the machines and monitors. He must be in the Watchtower’s ICU.

“Hey,” someone—Wally—whispers on the other side of the bed. “Are you awake?”

“Mmhmm,” Dick mumbles. He turns his head to face Wally, wincing. “Bombs?”

“I took care of it; no one got hurt,” Wally promises.

“Thanks.” Dick closes his eyes. The lights are dim, but they still feel too bright. “How long have I been out?”

“As in unconscious?” Wally sighs, and his chair creaks. “Well, uh, you were in a coma for almost three days. You woke up yesterday, but you’ve been pretty out of it. I’m honestly not confident that you’ll even remember this conversation.”

“Wanna bet?” Dick asks, a loopy smile crossing his face.

Wally laughs. “Sure, I could use ten dollars.”

“I’m going to remember.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I am.” This time Wally doesn’t protest, and Dick takes it as a win. After a moment, he asks, “I’m okay, though, right?”

“Oh sure. Spinal bruising and a brain hemorrhage have nothing on the Justice League’s medical technology and your stubbornness,” Wally says lightly. “What happened to you anyway?”

“Got pushed off a train,” Dick mumbles, words slurring together as he gets closer and closer to unconsciousness. “Probably landed head first on a rock.” He can barely remember the fight, barely remembers falling. Instead of a solid memory, it’s just a bunch of non-chronological snapshots.

“That tracks.” Wally shifts in his chair, and his fingers find their way to the back of Dick’s hand. “It was scary, finding you like that. I thought you were going to die.”

And Dick had told Wally to leave him anyway. He doesn’t regret doing it—someone has to make the hard calls—but he doesn’t envy Wally. “I’m fine,” he tries to reassure.

Wally’s voice is tight when he speaks. “Yeah, you’re going to be fine, because you’re you—but you weren’t fine. And you’re still not. Hell, you’re hooked up to a bunch of machines and you can’t even keep your eyes open.”

Dick opens his eyes and finds that Wally’s are shiny with unshed tears. “Wally.”

“Sorry, it’s just—” Wally shakes his head, wipes the back of his hand across his eyes. “Uh, can I get you anything? Last time I was here you were nauseous.”

“No, stomach’s fine, just tired.” He must be on a million drugs, too. He wonders how many he’ll have to add to his regimen because of this.

Wally nods, then looks down at his watch when it beeps. “I have to go—Watchtower duty. The rest of the original Titans said they were going to stop by later today, and Alfred and Bruce are outside waiting for me to finish, so you won’t be alone.”

Dick hums in acknowledgment. Then he says, “Thanks for coming, the other day and now.”

Wally leans in and hugs him gently, carefully. “Anytime. And take as much time as you need to heal. Seriously—the Titans will be okay without you for a while, even if Roy ends up leading.”

Dick laughs and nods into Wally’s shoulder, and then they let go. Wally leaves with a promise to be back soon, and Dick, determined to remember this conversation, reminds him to bring his ten dollars when he does.

[yesimwriting]

playing vices

“A/n a blurb bc ive been working on my novel and ive missed writing for Kirigan :))

--

I am a fool that has played into her vices enough to make them addictions. That must have been Kirigan's plan. He knows that I don't agree with his methods. He is also much too aware of the fact that I am beyond attached to him. He plays into that fact often, lulling me to him whenever he feels that my conscious is in danger of driving a wedge between us.

Which is why I have become accustomed to falling asleep while running my fingers along his skin as he whispers things much sweeter than anything he would say while fully awake.

But now it's late and he's not here. I sit up, kicking the comforter off of me slightly. It seems Aleksander has been more and more absent these days. When he's not with me, the odds that he's doing something that hurts people are high. His absence is also starting to make me feel like he's losing interest in me. It would make sense considering the fact that he looked twice at me in any capacity has never seemed logical.

Maybe that's why we've never indicated commitment to each other. I don't know what commitment would be with him. He seems to grand to be considered a 'boyfriend', but there's something more than friendly about how he holds onto me. I've never cared for labels until I started feeling displaced.

"You're still awake."

I press my lips together, trying to seem a little calmer. "Couldn't sleep."

"Troubling thoughts?" The question is more weighted than it should be. Everything with him is. 

“Has anyone ever called you dramatic?” 

His lips quirk upwards, hinting at a smile. Warmth pools in my stomach, the way it always does when he lets me see the slight glimmer of light that’s still in him. Sometimes I think he only shows me this softness when he feels that I may pull away. It may be rooted in manipulative intent, but I know that it’s real. 

“Only you would have the gall,” he says, voice low yet not dark. 

Kirigan’s easiness coaxes a smile from my lips. A small one, but I can feel the way the crack in my tension feeds his confidence. He takes pride in slipping past the walls I only try to create when cautious or irritated. Today I’m both but I need to pretend like I’m neither. The more resistance he senses, the more forward and effective his advances become. 

I keep my expression neutral. I’m sure Alina could get away with calling him that. I wish she was more unlikable. It would be easier to hide my irritation if I could blame that displaced feeling in my chest on two people. But of course Alina is wonderful, beautiful, and his equal.

Whatever. It’s not like we’re really anything. Every time I see him I wait for his betrayal. There’s nothing worth using me for, and somehow that makes me feel worse. He should have never looked at me twice let alone encourage whatever strange relationship we’ve created. 

My silence seems to displease him because he approaches my bedside easily in quick yet patient strides. Now that he’s close enough to touch I feel some of the ice I managed to solidify melt. 

Kirigan lifts a hand and places it on my knee easily. I stiffen instinctually, he runs his thumb over my skin to fight my resistance. “Who’s upset you?” 

I breathe, forcing myself to ease. “No one has.” I don’t have to meet his gaze to know he doesn’t believe me. That’s the core source of our attachment, we can read each other with less than a look. “I’m just getting a headache,” not a full lie, “I’ll feel better after some sleep.” He squeezes my knee slightly, a soft way of asking me for more. “I don’t think I’ll be good company tonight.” 

His hand leaves my knee, fingertips barely grazing my thigh as he moves his hand to hold beneath my chin. I still as he turns my head so that I have no choice but to meet his gaze. “You don’t need to be good company when what I want is your presence.” 

I press my lips together to avoid melting into the promising pools of warmth that make up his irises. He spent all day with Alina, took Zoya’s side in an argument I had with her earlier this week, and now he comes to me late at night. He seems to only want to acknowledge me when we’re alone, and it’s not like I want more than that. I just don’t know how long my heart will be able to teeter the line between nothing and something. I’m a fool for having let it go on this long. 

The only problem is that his steady stare is chasing away all of my rationality. “I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone more in the mood to offer their presence.” 

My curtness leaves something behind his expression dull, the hint of a smile that was growing on him has now vanished. I am met with a stoic disposition I have never had directed at me. 

“They’re not you,” he counters, voice edged by something I don’t understand. 

That’s the point. They’re not me--I’m average. I can’t offer power and my relationship experience is basic at best. I don’t want to have this argument, not when I’m basically fighting for him to let me go when that’s not what I want. 

I’m making it easier. If it hurts this much when I was only on the cusp of something, imagine the pain I’l feel if I let it continue. I turn my head away so that he’s no longer holding my chin. “Not a bad thing.” 

“To me it is.” He doesn’t hesitate, my chest swells. His thumb brushes against my cheek, soft and comforting. “I’m tired,” he says this like it’s a confession. His admission hangs in the air for a long moment, as heavy and weighted as my heart. “If you’re angry, wait until morning.” 

Something in my heart cracks. “I’m not angry.” My gaze drops, my thoughts struggling to come together. “I’ll be nicer to deal with in the morning.” 

“Y/n,” his tone twists from distant to warning, “the last time you asked me to leave was when you discovered something you didn’t like.” 

I almost wince at the way he’s worded it. When I found out what his real plans were, I told myself I had to leave. He skirted past all of my reservations and walls, twisting my doubt away through coddling whispers and shy brushes of fingers.

“This isn’t like that.” Not a lie. 

He exhales slowly, the sound dangerously sharp. “Then what is it?” 

“Why did you come here so late?” The question leaves me too sharply. I’m exposing too much but I can’t help it. “If you don’t want to answer, that’s fine.” My voice is flat. “I’m sure Alina will be happy to fill me in.” I can’t bring myself to take in his reaction. “And if she can’t, I’m sure Zoya will be able to.” 

He’s silent for a long second. “Unwarranted jealousy doesn’t suit you.” 

His confidence sparks something angry within me.  “I am not jealous.” The most blatant lie of the night, but I don’t care. I turn my head to glare at him, “and don’t just tact on ‘unwarranted’ before something that’s true just because it’s easier for it not to be.” 

I watch his expression cautiously until the slightest tilt of his lips adds to my anger. He’s enjoying this or he did this intentionally or both. “Darling,” he hums, voice soft, “you are the only person that makes me feel peace.” 

My stomach flutters, the sensation threatening to break my weak resolve. “I am not particularly powerful,” I breathe, voice stiff, “or particularly...” How do I explain this all to him? “Anything.” He’s everything, and I am nothing but average. “I’m average at best, there’s no reason for you to want anything to do with me, and that’s fine--but don’t lie and pretend that that’s not true.” 

The sentence is barely out fo my mouth before I feel myself pulled towards him by the collar of my nightgown. His lips are on mine before I can question where this is going. I kiss him back too quickly, but any effort I expend is returned fervently.

He pushes me back slightly as quickly as he yanked me forward. He doesn’t explain. I don’t ask him to. I should demand an answer and shove him away from me or pull him back towards me. But I do nothing. I just stare at him as he stares at me. 

When the weight of the silence threatens to break something in me, I force myself to speak, “Kirigan--”

“Aleksander.” The name is soft and so fragile I worry it will shatter in the air before it can fully reach me. “You know there’s much I’m not ready to say, but that,” he exhales, the sound so sad I want to reach for him, “that is the one name I have not given to myself and I want you to have it.” Something conflicted crosses his features. “I would never give that to someone average.” 

Emotion swells in my chest, heavy yet not painful. “Aleksander.” I’m not sure if I’m trying to call to him or if I’m just trying to feel his name--his true name--on my lips. 

His eyes widen, something unbearable behind them. He moves the hand holding the collar of my nightgown to my cheek. I lean into the contact like a fool as his eyes flutter shut. “Say it again.” 

I don’t hesitate, “Aleksander.” I lift my hand, fingers hesitant to find their place on his cheek. “Aleksander.”

He sighs into both the contact and the name. “You’re the first thing I’ve allowed myself to want,” his eyes open, but I cannot bring myself to meet his gaze, “I should make you feel like it.”

Something about the way he says that is sad. “I think that if it’s fair to say you were a little distant, it’s just as fair to say that I was a little jealous.” 

Aleksander smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m tired,” he admits, “I’ll enjoy my victory in the morning.” 

I roll my eyes, but scoot over to give him a place by my side regardless. “I’m not sure you won, I think it was more of a draw.” 

He takes the space I offer quickly, never letting the contact between us disappear as he settles himself against my pillow. I let him pull me towards him. “This feels like a victory.” 

I try to ignore the warmth in my chest. “You’re lucky I’m tired enough to find that endearing.” 

I relax as his fingers trace shapes I’ll never know about onto my back. “I agree.” 

[scones-and-texting-and-murder]

Bookends

(This story was originally written for and published in the DeanCas Anthology back in 2018. )

Word Count: 2223 Rating: General ao3 link

Cas pulls as close to the door as he can, checking the rearview mirror to make sure he isn’t blocking traffic as he waits for Dean to get out of the car. Before heading inside, Dean ducks his head back in to smile at him. “I’ll get us some coffee.”

Instead of driving away, Cas stays there, watching until Dean pulls open the diner door. Leaning heavily on his cane, he shuffles more than walks, his bow-legged gait made stiff by the arthritis that wracks his joints. Cas waits until he’s safely inside, then pulls past the open handicapped space Dean stubbornly refuses to use, and finds an empty parking spot.

Cas’s car is boxy and utilitarian, and Dean often proclaims that he wouldn’t be caught dead behind the wheel of something so ugly. Cas plays along because giving up driving had been Dean’s toughest concession to age, but as his vision deteriorated and his reflexes slowed, it had become an unavoidable sacrifice. With replacement parts for the Impala harder and harder to come by, Dean had finally agreed to keep her stored safely away in their garage. Cas knew it pained him to see her shrouded under a tarp, her motor idle and useless, but Dean would rather enshrine her in pristine condition than risk one more run-in with a light pole or curb.

With his ugly car parked, Cas crosses the lot to join Dean inside. While he’s aged as well, aged to the point that nobody questions the two of them together, he’s been spared many of the maladies that Dean’s combat-wrecked body has endured, and he moves with relative ease. The best they can figure is that the grace he’d had on and off over the years left his body with a certain resilience to the passage of time. Cas can’t cure Dean as he once could, can’t ease the aches or slow the aging process, but he can use his own comparatively good health and mobility to take care of him.

Inside, Cas navigates past the hostess stand to find Dean at their usual booth, chatting with their usual waitress. The two of them go to this diner religiously each Sunday morning, where the pews are scuffed burgundy vinyl booths and the altar is the breakfast buffet with the generous senior discount. As always, Dean has maneuvered himself across the bench seat to make room for Cas to sit beside him. His cane rests against the wall in easy reach, the simple carved wooden handle belying the fact that the base unscrews to reveal a bayonet-like tip. It’s never been wielded as a weapon (although Dean uses it, still sheathed, to poke at aggressive pigeons who muscle in around their favorite park bench), but that potential made it “badass” enough to overcome Dean’s resistance to using it.

To Sam’s everlasting chagrin, Dean has kept all of his hair, and it’s turned a stunning silver. The crinkles around his eyes have deepened, meeting the roadmap of lines that cross his face. His shoulders are stooped, his joints are stiff, and Cas thinks he’s never been more beautiful. After so many seemingly certain ends, so many years assuming Dean would die young and bloodied, the fact that he’s living out a full, lengthy life is an unparallelled blessing. Cas marvels at the gift of days that have unfolded into decades, granting them time he never dreamed they’d have together here on earth.

As Cas settles into the booth, he smiles and greets their waitress.

“Two for the buffet?” she confirms as she pours their coffee. Cas doesn’t even have to check to know that she’ll leave Dean’s at a little more than half-full so he can lift it without the tremor in his hands sloshing it over the brim.

They drink their coffee quietly, simply enjoying the ritual of being here. Dean peers at the laminated card that lists the specials, even though he never orders off the menu.

“Shall I?” When Dean nods, Cas gets to his feet. “Any requests?”

“You know what I like,” Dean says, leaning over to swat at Cas’s butt.

Picking up two plates from the warmer, Cas slides them along the metal counter, filling them in tandem as he traverses the buffet. Pancakes are too difficult for Dean to get on a fork, but the crisp waffles are good. Bacon he can pick up and eat, and Cas uses the tongs to place precisely two strips on his plate. If Dean wants more, he can get up and get it himself.

Dean can argue with Cas’s choices, but they’d had a hell of a scare a few years back. Cas will never forget the look on Dean’s face when their phone rang in the middle of the night, alerting them that Sam had been taken to the hospital in an ambulance. They’d rushed there themselves, Cas driving in silence, knowing that nothing short of seeing Sam with his own two eyes could reassure Dean. Thankfully, it had been a mild heart attack and, after spending a few days in the hospital, the discharge plan called for cardiac rehab and an appointment with a nutritionist. With Sam’s release imminent, Dean had relaxed enough to crow at the irony. “Don’t either of you try to tell me what to eat ever again. Mr. Organic Produce is the one lying in the hospital bed while my pork-rind-fueled ticker is going strong.”

Still pale, Sam’s brow furrowed with resignation. “I’m beginning to think you can’t die.”

Dean jabbed a finger in his direction. “You don’t get to go first. We have a deal.”

“Yes, sir.” Sam lifted the hand without the IV in a mock salute.

“That’s more like it,” Dean said. “Speaking of which, I need a snack.”

Cas helped him up and they walked to the elevator that would take them to the cafeteria. As they waited for it to arrive, Dean pulled Cas into a hug. Cas left a hand on his shoulder when they stepped apart again. “All right?”

Dean nodded, his green eyes shining with tears. “I’m glad you’re here.” Cas started to respond, to remind him that there was nowhere else he would be, but Dean cut him off. “I know you know. But I wanted to say it anyhow.”

Cas noticed a change after that. Dean was still the same stubborn mule Cas had fallen in love with, but he gradually became more willing to let Cas help. And somehow, Cas loved him even more for it. He loved seeing the slow-blossoming acceptance that came when Dean stopped seeing Cas’s help as a sign of weakness.

Now, standing in front of the steaming trays of food, Cas considers what else to add to their plates. He bypasses the cauldron of oatmeal (they eat that at home most mornings) and continues along the buffet. There’s a tremendous satisfaction in being allowed to care for this man who has done so much for so many and asked for so little in return. In fact, Dean has now embraced this new role so fully—no longer questioning what he deserves, or grudgingly accepting help, but full-on enjoyment of being doted on—that Cas has to be careful he doesn’t get lazy. There’s nothing Cas would rather do than settle Dean in front of a sunny window, snug in the recliner for Cas to wait on like a pampered cat, but he knows that sort of inactivity would do Dean’s joints and his heart no favors. So he watches Dean’s diet and insists on them taking slow walks after breakfast when his energy is highest.

Their neighborhood is a mix of young and old and everyone knows the two Mr. Winchesters who circle the block on days when the weather permits. The kids on bikes and scooters know to give them a wide berth, their parents warning them that the old men need the entire sidewalk, but they call out their hellos as they go by. They’re friendly with everyone except the woman who lives on the corner. Dean is convinced she’s a demon, but Cas suspects his distrust of her stems more from the fact that she seems immune to his charm. (Whatever the reason, he’s had to talk Dean out of chalking a devil’s trap inside her mailbox more than once.) They chat with their neighbors about the weather and the score of last night’s ballgame, and it’s so painfully normal that Cas sometimes feels his throat tighten up at the wonder of it all.

When Cas returns to their booth, Dean examines his plate. “They outta bacon?”

Cas cuts the waffle into manageable pieces and peels the wrapper from the muffin before sliding Dean’s plate over. “You know the deal.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean says. “You just like to look at my ass when I get up.”

They eat in congenial silence with Dean methodically working his way around his plate, eating everything heartily, even the fruit. Sitting next to him, Cas can easily scoop up any bites that miss his mouth, plucking them from Dean’s lap or his shirt.

“You two good?” The waitress asks when she comes to refill their coffees. “Need anything?”

Dean swallows the bite of muffin he’s working on, and rests his hand on top of Cas’s. “I’ve got everything I need right here. An actual angel, this one.”

She nods agreeably. “I can almost see his halo.”

Cas has learned that an old man can say just about anything and receive an indulgent smile in return. When Dean references angels or demons or the apocalypse, people assume he’s speaking in metaphor and they’ll nod pleasantly. Sometimes he’ll do it purely for effect, telling rambling tales from their past for the sheer enjoyment of being able to speak openly. He can’t always keep the details straight, but Cas is there to remind him. Some days, though, he seems to lose where he is in time, and there’s nothing Cas can do for that. Cas has taken to keeping a watchful eye on him in the late afternoons when he likes to doze on the couch with their one-eyed black cat curled up on his chest. Cas stays close in case he wakes from his nap agitated, calling for Cas, wanting to know where Sam is. Cas helps him to sit up as the cat springs down and scurries away.

“Don’t go,” he says again and again, and Cas takes him in his arms, assuring Dean that he’s here and reminding him that Sam is safe at his own home. He holds him until Dean shakily dismisses it all as just a bad dream.

The unfairness of it overwhelms Cas, and each time he’s left filled with wrath. These final years should be spent in well-earned peace, but instead Dean seems cursed with reliving his most frightening memories, traumatized anew by old, familiar fears. If Dean’s mind is destined to slip, why can’t it be toward blissful forgetting? What Dean has endured goes beyond what any human should; to ask him to bear it again is nothing short of cruel. But it’s a torture chamber created in his own mind, and all Cas can do is sit helplessly by, doing his best to ground Dean and bring him back to the present.

Cas looks at Dean’s empty plate. “Did you want to get some more?”

“Nah.” He’s full and happy and it’s time for their walk.

The waitress arrives to clear their plates. As he does every week, Dean asks if she needs to see his ID for the senior discount. As she does every week, she pretends to consider it before leaving the check. “You boys take your time.”

“Tip her well,” Dean says, leaning in to supervise Cas as he signs the bill.

“I always do,” Cas assures him.

When they’re ready to leave, Cas stands next to the banquette, waiting for Dean to retrieve his cane and slide himself to the edge. Using a combination of the cane and Cas’s extended arm, Dean hoists himself upright, groaning a little. Cas keeps a firm hold on him until he’s steady on his feet. Dean still dresses in layers, but these days it’s because he gets chilled easily. He favors heavy knit cardigans and as long as Cas gets the zipper started for him he can tug it up or down as needed. Cas checks him for crumbs then together they walk through the other tables crowded with families. They continue by the hostess station where a woman is wiping down menus. “See you next week,” she calls as they pass.

Cas steps forward to push open the door, and stands holding it. “Watch your step,” he says as he always does, pointing toward the raised metal threshold of the doorway.

Using his cane to steady himself, Dean shuffles his way over it, then stops to lay his hand on Cas’s cheek. His knuckles are gnarled, the skin of his palm is dry and warm, and Cas feels the same flare of awe go through him as he has since the moment he first found this glorious soul in the depths of hell.

“I am the luckiest man who has ever lived,” Dean says.

Cas kisses his palm, then takes his arm to help him on his way.

[hangovercurse]

Ice Cold Pool

Part v of the Without You series: Colson and Y/N try to return to normal, but they still don’t know what normal actually is.

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Cursing (as per usual), substance use, people not following social distancing guidelines.

A/N: Seriously guys, wear your masks, social distance, etc. I really wanna go to a concert sometime in the next 2 years.

Word Count: 2743

| i | ii | iii | iv | vi | 

masterlist

It had been 4 weeks since you and Colson had made the agreement to just be friends. Obviously, there were some hiccups in this plan. Most notably that hanging around Colson reminded you of all the reasons you loved him in the first place, and thus all the reasons you shouldn’t hang around him.

You were glad to be back to somewhat normal. You could hang around your friends without feeling too much tension, you could talk to Casie (who wanted to know everything that happened), and you could smoke again.

That last one you probably shouldn’t have been so happy about, but after a month without weed, you needed it.

Of course, not everything was back to normal. You and Colson weren’t technically… speaking. Yet.

You said simple things to each other, “excuse me,” “thank you,” and even the occasional “bless you” after a sneeze. But you had yet to have an actual conversation since that night. When hanging around the guys, you tried to be as normal as possible, interacting with Colson as little as possible. You didn’t want anyone else to think you felt awkward, because then they would feel awkward and it would be a whole awkward mess.

Tonight, you were hoping to ease some tension between you and Colson. Trippie was releasing the deluxe version of his new album and was having a “covid safe” album release party. All that meant was they would party outside rather than inside and only invite half the amount of people that they normally would.

Against your better judgement, Slim and Baze convinced you to go.

“There’s not even gonna be that many people there.”

“And Trippie would be so upset if you didn’t come.”

“If I go, will you two shut up?”

“Yes.” “Yes ma’am”

“Don’t call me ma’am ever again, Slim.”

So, you made a plan to talk to Colson at some point that night about something other than all of your problems with each other. If and only if the opportunity presented itself.

So, there you were in an oversized Misfits T-shirt that looked like a dress on you and shorts that no one could see, a beer in one hand, and a blunt in the other. You were sitting at the pool edge, your feet dangling in the water, as you talked to Iann Dior about cheese.

You may have been pretty tipsy, but he was worse.

“Cheddar cheese is the worst possible flavor of cheese.” Iann shook his head, laughing.

“Absolutely not. You can put cheddar in dishes, and they taste great. Cheddar makes things taste better. Brie cheese is the worst cheese. It’s literally fucking moldy.” You giggled, taking a swig of your drink.

“You’re both wrong. Feta cheese is the absolute worse and no one will convince me otherwise.” Colson chuckled, sitting next to you.

“There is nothing wrong with feta cheese, you two are just uncultured.” You laughed, the opportunity you needed apparently presenting itself. You took a quick glance at Colson, who was about to dip his feet in the water. “Colson your shoes are still on.”

He looked at you confused, and you realized just how high he was. “So?” he asked and Iann laughed.

“Dude, if you’re gonna put your feet in the water you gotta take your shoes off.”

Colson broke out laughing at Iann’s comment, his whole body shaking with joy. He slipped his shoes off once he finished and dangled his feet of the edge.

“So, you really think cheddar cheese is the best cheese?” He asked, taking a sip of his beer.

“Noooo.” You whined, “I just don’t think it’s the worst kind of cheese. But obviously there are better cheeses.” You kicked your feet up, splashing Colson on accident.

He looked over at you, a mischievous glint in his eye. He reached his hand into the water, splashing water towards you. “Colson!” You squealed, laughing.

You returned the favor by flicking water at his shirt, at which point Iann left. “You get me wet and you die.” He said with a laugh.

Colson then cupped his hands together, bringing water up to your shirt and pouring it all over you, much to your dismay. Luckily, your shirt was black, but the water was still freezing. “Bro.” You pouted, looking over at Colson. He was smiling, but soon mimicked your pout.

“Aww, I’m sorry. Did the little princess get wet?” Your eyes went wide, and you slapped his chest. He grabbed your hand, pulling it up so you couldn’t hit him and accidentally pulling you closer to him. “I didn’t mean it like that!” He laughed, his hand intertwining with yours as he brought it back down.

“Colson…” You trailed off, warning him. He pouted, a sigh leaving his lips as he unlocked your fingers.

“Sorry, forgot I’m not supposed to do that.” You smiled a little, glad that things were slowly becoming normal. “I wanna go for a swim.” He changed the topic, standing up and pulling his shirt off.

“Colson it’s freezing. You’re gonna get sick.” You looked at him with wide eyes but a giggle falling from your mouth.

“Guess someone has to come in to keep me warm.” He shrugged, tugging his shorts down his legs so he was just in his boxers.

It was only at this point that you realized he was very drunk. A few moments later you felt the cold water splash your face as Colson jumped into the pool near you, coming up and running his hand through his hair.

He made his way back over to you, reaching for the beer that he left on the side of the pool. He half-stood in front of you, a needy smile on his face. “Get in the water with me Y/N.” He dragged out the last syllable of your name, causing you to roll your eyes.

“There is no way in hell I am getting in that water.” You chuckled, taking a hit of the joint in your hand.

Colson pouted, taking the blunt from you and smoking it himself. “I guess I could always just pull you in.” He grabbed your thighs and you moved backwards, fighting him.

“Colson, I don’t have a change of clothes, I’ll be cold.” You tried to squirm out of his grip, giggling.

“You can just wear my shirt or something. Someone will have something.” He shrugged, pulling you into the water.

“Colson!” You squealed before your entire body was encased in the cold liquid.

“Too late.” He said, a cheeky smile on his face. His arms wrapped around you as you turned to face the edge, ready to get out. “Noooo, you’re already in here.” He whined, dragging you towards his chest.

“Colson, it’s freezing. We need to get out.” You said, turning your head to face him.

“I don’t want to. This is the closest I’ve been to you in weeks. I just wanna enjoy this for a moment.” His head rested on top of your head, and you let yourself fall back into his chest.

You had to admit, you did miss his playfulness and his touch, and you really hadn’t been this close to him in a while. But you knew he wouldn’t be doing any of this if he wasn’t both drunk and stoned out of his mind.

You sighed, knowing you needed to end the moment, if not for your own sanity. “C’mon Col, we can’t do this. Let’s get out.”

He groaned. “We did this when we were friends before, how is this any different from that?”

You made your way to the edge of the pool. “It just is Colson.” You sighed, trying to mask the anger in your voice. You tried to pull yourself up to sit on the edge of the pool, but you couldn’t quite make it the first time. Colson, of course, took it upon himself to help you, grabbing your hips lightly to lift you up. He got out and sat next to you, both of you soaking wet.

He reached over and grabbed the shirt he was wearing earlier, passing it to you. “Here, so you don’t get sick.” He seemed to be sobering up, probably due to the cold water.

“Thanks.” Your voice was hushed, your cheeks burning with a blush that you couldn’t explain. It’s just a shirt, you told yourself. You stood up, preparing yourself to find somewhere private to change.

“Where are you going?” Colson asked, looking up at you.

“To change.” You said bluntly. “I can’t exactly strip in front of 40 people.”

Colson nodded, standing up next to you, pulling his shorts on. “Where are you going?” You asked him, a small smile on your face.

“Wherever you are.” He smiled and you rolled your eyes.

“Okay, I guess I can use you to clear my path inside.” You chuckled, starting to walk towards the crowd of people near the doors of the house. As you moved through the crowd you found yourself instinctively reaching back for Colson’s hand, not wanting to lose him as you moved through the crowd. He happily took the hint and moved closer to you, his free hand resting on your hip to help guide you to the doors, though you didn’t mind as much as you should have.

You made your way through the open glass door, suddenly very self-conscious about the clothes you were wearing and the fact that you were soaking wet. “Bathroom is this way.” Colson mumbled into your ear as the loud music blasted around you. The hand on your hip led you down a small hallway until you found the open bathroom.

You went in, turning to close the door when you saw Colson had followed you in. “I gotta change, Kells. You can’t be in here.”

“Woah woah woah.” He started, clearly offended, “You never call me Kells. That’s not allowed.” You giggled, rolling your eyes. “And I’ll just… look away.” He covered his eyes with his hands, moving his fingers to form a gap.

“Colson, seriously,” You laughed, “turn around.” He thankfully did as told, and you quickly removed the Misfits shirt you were previously wearing and replaced it with his long sleeve pink shirt. It wasn’t quite as long as the other one you were wearing, but it still went down to your upper thigh and the sleeves went far enough past your wrist for permanent sweater paws. Unfortunately, this meant you would have to keep your wet shorts on.

Upon realizing this, you let out a sigh of disappointment. “What?” Colson questioned, still facing the wall.

“You can look now.” He turned around. “It’s not as long as mine.” You pouted, stretching your arms out for him to see before flopping them back down to your sides.

Colson chuckled, “I really don’t see the problem, Y/N.”

You glared playfully, “I have to wear my wet fuckin shorts.” You whined, a pout on your lips.

“I meannn, you don’t have to.” Colson said, playfully. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! But I don’t know what to do to help you.”

You let out a dramatic sigh, looking off into the distance. “I’m not giving you my pants, Y/N.” Another dramatic sigh. “Okay fine we’ll just go to his laundry room and through them in the dryer, okay?”

“See, you do know what to do to help me.” You smiled, grabbing your wet shirt and pushing Colson out of the bathroom.

The laundry room in Trippie’s house was surprisingly small, given his house was a small mansion. You were able, however, to close the door and pull off your wet clothes. Colson threw your shirt in the dryer as well.

You hopped up onto the washer, your legs dangling off. “You don’t have to stay, Colson.” You told him, knowing he probably wanted to rejoin the party.

“I’m good. This is much more fun than whatever’s going on out there.”

You laughed, “waiting for my clothes to dry? Whatever, loser.”

He moved towards you, his stomach touching your knees. “I’ve missed this.” He said, softly. You met his eyes with your own. “Just us doing stupid shit. Being friends.”

“We’re still friends, Cols.” You smiled, tilting your head to the side.

He sighed, “Yeah but we haven’t really been friends since…” He trailed off, but you knew what he meant. “Not real friends, at least.”

You sighed, trying to decide what you wanted to say. “I’m sorry about that. I just needed a little bit of space and it never felt like the right time to… talk. Like if we started talking in a group everyone would just think it’s weird.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” his hand reached out to touch your waist. “If anything, I should be apologizing. It’s my fault we’re stuck in this weird limbo shit anyways. I was honestly afraid the guys would kill me if I talked to you.”

“Well, good thing it’s not up to the guys anymore.” Your voice got soft as you realize how close your faces had gotten. “And we can be normal friends again.” You added.

Colson looked down. “Yeah, normal friends.” He tried to hide the disappointment in his voice but failed miserably.

“Colson, we’re just friends, right?” You asked, trying to convince yourself more than him.

He nodded, “Yeah, we’re just friends.” He looked up and met your eyes, and you could see the emotions in his crystal blue eyes. “But I don’t know that I can just be friends.” His voice was soft, making your heart sink deeper.

His head was inches away from yours, his nose almost touching your own. He leaned his head to the side, his eyes traveling your face. His lips were millimeters from yours. “Tell me that you don’t want this, and I’ll walk out right now.”

“I…” You couldn’t form a sentence with his lips so close to your own. “We shouldn’t.” You whispered.

“That’s not what I asked.” He paused, touching his nose to yours lightly. When he spoke, you could feel his words on your lips. “Do you want me to kiss you right now?”

You couldn’t answer him for a few seconds. “I don- I don’t know Colson.” You breathed out, leaning your forehead against his.

Part of you was hoping he would take matters into his own hands and just kiss you, but the other part of you knew you would regret anything that happened right now.

He jerked his head away from you, a frown etched across his face. “When are you gonna make up your goddamn mind? I can never figure out where I’m at with you.” His voice raised slightly, making you jump. “One minute we’re not even talking and the next you’re holding my fucking hand at a party. You say we’re just friends and then don’t say no when I ask if you want me to kiss you. Like what the fuck is this?” He ranted, causing your grip on the edge of the washer to tighten.

“Colson, I told you. I need time to figure all of this out. It doesn’t just happen overnight.” You tried to keep your voice calm.

“It’s been weeks, Y/N. How long do you need?”

Confusion took over your features, and then anger. “Colson do you even realize what you did? Honestly, you’re fucking lucky I even wanted to be friends. You kind of screwed me up, really bad. So, excuse me for needing time to figure out if you’re worth it or not.” Your eyes fell to the floor, suddenly very self-conscious of all the things Colson had said to you 2 months ago.

Colson scoffed, backing away from you, “Well honestly it would be a lot easier if we weren’t friends.” His words were harsh, and you were reminded that he wouldn’t change, not really. “Y/N I didn’t mean it like that.” His voice became soft, but it was already too late.

You hopped off the machine, pushing past him and pulling your damp shirt and shorts out of the dryer. With your back facing him, you pulled your shorts on and then took his shirt off, replacing it with your own.

“Y/N I’m sorry I jus-“

“No, Colson. I’m sorry. I keep forgetting that my existence seems to be the bane of yours.” You shove his shirt into his chest. “You don’t have to worry about me anymore.” You walked out of the small room and through the house, determined to call a cab home.

[zukkoxx]

mha boys realizing they’re in love pt.1

w/ deku, bakugo

tw⚠️ insecurities!, self doubt!

deku 🥦

izuku knew he loved you since you guys started dating.

he had liked you for a long time, and when you finally got together in your last year of UA, he couldn’t have been happier.

he planned on living the rest of his life with you. and would go through any feats to make it possible.

so when you started to feel doubts about your relationship? that was a wake up call for him.

you had just finished training, all sweaty and tired, walking back to your dorm with a towel around your neck.

you scrolled through your phone mindlessly, and just happened to come across a twitter post about your boyfriend, deku, who had just taken down one of the villains that’s been on the run for months.

you smiled. you were so proud of him. already achieving his dream in becoming one of the greatest heroes. and getting the recognition he finally deserved.

you made it your your dorm, slumping on your bed as you read some of the comments.

woah this guy is still attending UA!? he’ll be a great hero for sure

there’s no one like him!

deku strikes again! what a stud😍

you laughed at some, grimaced at others that claimed the mission was too easy for him. but one particular comment had you freezing in your spot.

is he single? i won’t hesitate to run to the scene and give him my hand in marriage right now!

you knew it was a fun, lighthearted comment. but you clicked the the commenters page and instantly noticed how beautiful as preppy she was.

she was also a big deku fan...probably had more merch than you.

you sighed and threw your phone across the bed.

for the past few weeks, you had been thinking about how different you and izuku were in terms of success.

you were both in your last year of high school, and he had already done so much.

worked on so many cases with pro heroes and went through successful missions all the time. he was destined to become the greatest hero.

and you?

well, you’ve never even caught a villain.

sure you’ve helped out on low grade missions for the hero you interned under, but you had never been publicly praised like izuku. you never stood out.

you had trouble believing you’d become a hero at all.

you always wondered, wouldn’t izuku be better off with someone that could keep up with him? who wouldn’t hold him back. someone who he wouldn’t leave in the dust when he excelled in the future.

he deserved someone better.

your thoughts were cut off when your dorm door brushed open, revealing no other than the man himself.

izuku walked into your room with worried eyes and seemed out of breath.

“y/n? ive texted and called a bunch of times. why haven’t you answered?” he asked, and you subtly turned to your phone that you discarded on the other half of the bed.

“my ringer was off. sorry izu.” you tired to give him a smile as he sat next to you on your bed. “i saw an article about your mission today. you were amazing!” you complimented.

“ahh you give me too much credit. i couldn’t have dont anything with the pro heroes and other people helping.”

“still, you’re a great hero. i wish i was like that.” you chuckle dryly, past insecurities already pushing forward again.

“what!? you’re a great hero y/n!” izuku exclaimed.

“i’ve barely done anything izuku. i don’t know how you put up with me. i should be able to help you on your missions, but i’m stuck in the same position i have been in. i don’t know when i’ll improve.”

you didn’t mean to sound so pathetic, but you had been feeling this way for so long. it was all just spilling out now.

and izuku? he literally stopped breathing when he heard what you were saying about yourself. “you deserve someone that will be able to keep up with you. what will people think when they find out the amazing deku is dating a weak, incapable, good for nothing-”

“don’t say one more word y/n.” izuku cuts you off, and you look up to meet his eyes piercing yours.

they were dark, nothing like their usual gleaming glow that shined when he looked at you.

there was no sign of amusement on any of his features. just dead seriousness

“what the hell are you talking about y/n?” he asks, but doesn’t give you a chance to respond. “you’re one of the most courageous, brave, intelligent, capable people i know! where is all of this coming from?”

“i’ve been thinking about it for a while. it’s just you’re so...amazing and i’m so...” you knew anything you could have said after that would make him even more angry. it was nothing positive.

god he probably hated you for being so insecure.

“you’re you, y/n.” izuku says softly. “you’re you and you’re who i love. i don’t care about what i do, what you do, who says what! i love you for you!”

izuku looks at you with so much love and compassion. you stared into his eyes, wondering what was gong on in his head.

well? at the moment he despised himself for letting you feel this way.

you were his whole world! the person who supported you in everything he did and he would support you in the same way! he couldn’t understand why you were feeling this way when he was literally...in love with you.

he loved you yeah of course, but hearing the way you were speaking about yourself, and how you had doubts about your relationship made his heart physically hurt. he was absolutely and unconditionally in love with you and wouldn’t be able to see himself with anyone else.

and he needed you to hear it.

“y/n you’re my everything! i’m so in love with you, no amount of fame or recognition could make me even think about leaving you!” izuku said urgently, and he finally calmed down when he saw a slight smile reach your lips.

a real one this time.

the conversation continued, and izuku promised to let you learn and remember how in love he was with you until it was the last thing he’d do.

bakugo 💥

bakugo would never pursue anyone unless he definitely knew he loved them.

so of course he never asked you out when he couldn’t differentiate if what he felt for you was love, or if it was a stupid little crush.

he didn’t like thinking about his feelings, especially the irrelevant ones.

he was trying to become the number one hero. who needed time for love anyways?

so he ignored his “feelings” for you, not allowing them to confuse him any longer.

it wasn’t until a few months into his third year when bakugo got the worst news of his life.

you were on a mission. an important one that had you absent from school for weeks.

bakugo was worried.

he’d text you every few days, asking what was going on and how things were and you’d always respond with “it’s fine.” or “we’re hanging in there.”

he assumed it was a pretty difficult mission, but nothing you couldn’t handle.

you were strong

so when he heard from a certain icy-hot that you were in the hospital in critical condition after completing the mission, he forgot about everything and ran straight to you.

ignoring aizawa’s calls, he almost blasted himself out of UA and checked every hospital for you, considering he didn’t even ask todoroki which one you were in before he left.

when he finally reached the hospital holding you, he sprinted to your room.

he found you hooked up to a bunch of wires and tests.

you looked peaceful, sleeping while the heart monitor beeped beside you.

but you looked horrible. bloody bandages covered almost every limb, and your body was covered in bruises.

bakugo’s heart dropped to his stomach. he couldn’t stand seeing you like this.

why does his feelings have to be 100x more noticeable when your tragically hurt!?

he sat down on the empty chair beside the hospital bed, wondering why no one else was visiting at this time.

he stared at you, something he couldn’t get off of his mind lately.

“why do you make me feel things, dumbass?” he asked, waiting for a response. “i never skip class! you just had to get hurt and make me skip the test review.” he rolled his eyes, but his face softened as he looked at you, still sleeping.

“i’ll help you study. you’ll probably fail without going over what we learned.”

.....

“would you wake up, you shitty woman!” he yelled, gripping the side of your bed “this is scary, you know?”

.....

“i should’ve called you today, i just assumed you’d be too busy to talk. if you told me you were in trouble, i’d blast my ass to wherever you were in a heartbeat.” bakugo said, feeling his actual heart skip a beat when you still didn’t respond. 

“please wake up...”

after about an hour of waiting, your other classmates came in, checking on your condition.

you still hadn’t woken up, but your vitals were better and your breath were more steady.

by the time night fell, everyone left; except for bakugo

he was just starting to fall asleep when he felt she. he heard you stir in the hospital bed.

his head shot up, quickly turning to face you as he saw you blinking you eyes slowly.

“y/n!” he yelled a little louder than anticipated, making you shoot awake and look at him.

you blinked a few more times before realizing who you were looking at. “katsuki!?” you asked, trying to sit up, but feeling a sharp pain in your side.

“hey! don’t move dumbass. are you okay? do you remember anything?” he frantically asked.

“umm...i’m fine?” you said, sounding like you were trying to convince yourself. “why are you here?”

“why am i here? you were admitted into the hospital in critical condition!”

“i-i’m sorry, everything’s a bit fuzzy right now.” you say softly, putting a hand on your forehead and tryin got remember everything.

bakugo softened, and waited until you got yourself together. “how long have you been here?” you ask

“since this morning.”

“this morning!? katsuki what about school? do your parents even know you’re here?”

“why the hell are you worried about me? you’re the one hooked up to all these machines and can barely move!” bakugo yelled, trying to understand why you were so focused on him being there with you.

“i just never thought you’d be the one to go out of your way to check on someone. let alone be here the whole day...” you whispered, suddenly feeling shy at the idea of bakugo keeping your sleeping body company for hours.

bakugo froze at your words.

he really wasn’t the type to go check on people for more than a few minutes. especially not one to skip school because of it.

maybe he did this because he felt a little more than what he thought he did.

maybe this wasn’t a stupid little crush? maybe it was something serious that he had just been blowing off.

when he heard about your condition, he just couldn’t stand by. there must have been something that pushed him to run to you.

“it’s cause u care about you...idiot. i wasn’t gonna a let you suffer here alone.” he huffs, crossing his arms.

“katsukiii do you like me or something?” you asked in a teasing tone

he couldn’t believe you were making jokes at a time like this. furthermore, he couldn’t believe how easy it was for you to see through his facade.

“i do.” he states. there was no point in lying.

“i was just kidding kats-“

“i’m not.” he cuts you off. “i care about you, and i like you. a lot. so...you better like be bad damn it. or i’ll blow you to bits!”

you chuckled and smiled tenderly at him. you definitely weren’t expecting him to say that, but you weren’t complaining.

“i like you too...i guess.” you smile, and katsuki tsked before smirking at you.

he finally felt like he could breath again, and that everything was going to be fine now.

except...katsuki didn’t like you. he loved you. but no way would he tell you that

this absolutely sucks i can’t believe i’m posting this. if you can, plz give me some requests so i don’t make trash hcs like this again. they’ll be a pt.2 later. hopefully it isn’t as bad as this one.

click here to send a request. i’d really appreciate it!

[sparring-hyena]

the time of our lives.

this one was kinda requested/suggested by @cloakanddaggerthings. they’ve also been a great help in hammering out the finicky details. thanks heaps, mate! 

OR, the one where it takes a year for these two goofs to realise they’re in love.

-

i. New Year’s Eve.

naturally, this is where they start. although, start in a very loose sense of the word. because they were something before tonight. something fiery and intense, but certainly not something real.

they were midnight rendezvouses, sharp remarks that lacked any real malice, and moments that somehow meant nothing and everything. but what they were is irrelevant. because Poppy’s got a reputation and parental expectations, and AJ doesn’t fit into any of that.

so, they stand in the front yard of some frat house, a New Year’s party raging on inside, and fight. they shout and cuss and say things that don’t at all mean but that make this whole thing easier.

it’s with ten seconds of the year left that Poppy says, “i hate you,” and feels something break in her heart.

“i hate you, too,” AJ says as the countdown finally reaches zero.

there’s cheering from inside and then AJ leaves and now Poppy’s standing alone on the front lawn. she ignores the tears that fall down her cheeks and tries to tell herself that everything will be fine.

so, yes, that’s how they start: in the final ten seconds of the year with an i hate you that actually means something else entirely.

ii. Valentine’s Day.

she sees AJ sporadically throughout the day. and that irritates Poppy like nothing else ever has. figures it would be today of all days that she sees her everywhere.

first it’s at the crack of dawn as she walks home after a one night stand that she spots AJ on a jog. they’re on opposite sides of the street, but it’s empty so they see each other.

AJ stops in her tracks and looks right at Poppy, not exactly irritated but certainly not pleased. Poppy fixes her with a glare that says what are you looking at? AJ shrugs and starts up on her jog again, and Poppy huffs and continues on her walk home.

then they see each other on campus way too many times—in the café, on the quad, and in the library. and each time, Poppy’s glare is met with a shrug from AJ.

the last time she sees AJ it’s late. the sun has long since set and there’s a chill that’s set in for the night. she’s on her way home from dinner—some blind date Veronica had set up—when she spots AJ across the street, laughing and walking hand-in-hand with some girl who looks vaguely familiar.

Poppy watches them until she can’t see them anymore, and wonders if AJ saw her this time, too.

iii. spring break.

she goes to Miami for the week with Veronica and Chloe. her intention is to have a fun and carefree week where she doesn’t once think about AJ.

it’s two days into her trip when she finds herself scrolling through Instagram late one night. curiosity nibbles at her restraint until she’s typing AJ’s name into the search bar.

she finds AJ’s profile and the first picture she sees is some candid shot of AJ and that same girl from Valentine’s Day looking at each other with ridiculously cheesy smiles. Poppy switches her phone off and doesn’t dare touch it for the rest of the night.

Poppy goes to a party the next night and hooks up with a girl who looks a lot like AJ. Veronica and Chloe point this out a few days later, laughing over cocktails. Poppy scoffs and tells them that’s complete bullshit and tries to hide her blush by taking a long sip of her drink.

iv. summer break.

the academic year ends and Poppy sighs with relief as she collapses onto her bed. she’s got three months until her final year starts, and three months where she doesn’t have to see or think of AJ.

it goes well at first—the not thinking about AJ. she spends a lot of time shopping and partying and lounging by the pool of her parents’ beach house on Long Island. but there are only so many hours of the day where she can keep her mind busy. so it’s at night, when she’s in bed trying to fall asleep, that her mind wanders back to AJ.

the first time it happens, she groans and rolls onto her side, and tries to flush all thoughts of AJ from her mind. that works. but then it happens again and again, and before Poppy really knows it, it’s halfway through August and she’s thought of AJ every single night since the end of June.

she lays awake in bed and watches the fan on the ceiling spin in lazy circles. her brain summons a long and near forgotten memory of a night a lot like this. she closes her eyes and sinks into the warm embrace of the memory:

she was in bed with AJ. it was either late or early, Poppy can’t quite remember. she decides it probably doesn’t really matter. they were talking and laughing under the quiet blanket of night. and Poppy suddenly remembers how she’d reached for AJ’s hand and never wanted to let it go.

Poppy opens her eyes and glances to her side. the bed is empty beside her, the sheets untouched, and she can almost feel the ghost of AJ’s touch on her hand. she squeezes her eyes shut, trying not to cry, and realises she never did hate AJ. she was probably just scared.

v. Halloween.

there’s a party on campus—isn’t there always? a frat party with costumes and decorations and cheesy music that starts to sound alright after three or four drinks. Poppy slips in later in the night, when everyone’s teetering on the edge of tipsy and drunk.

she moves through the throng of people towards the kitchen to pour herself a drink, and bumps into AJ for the first time this semester.

“hey,” AJ says, awkward and unsure, and Poppy silently regrets everything she’s put her through.

“hi,” Poppy says, smiling and really meaning it.

that seems to loosen AJ up a bit, and she returns the smile in kind.

“haven’t seen you in a while,” AJ says, leaning back against the counter and sipping her drink.

“been busy,” she lies even though that’s something she’s trying to stop.

and AJ seems to understand the lie for what it is. “you wanna go outside for a bit?”

Poppy only nods, afraid that if she speaks, she’ll ruin whatever’s happening right now. it’s quieter outside, the cheesy music and chatter nothing but a gentle murmur. they stand out on the front lawn of some frat house and Poppy gets a strange sense of déjà vu.

“i wish things had been different, y’know?” AJ says, her voice a gentle reassurance.

“me too,” Poppy says, and then: “i’m sorry that i said i hate you. because i don’t.”

a moment of silence passes, uncomfortable and almost tight like a rubber band pulled to its limit. because it looks like AJ’s about to say something important that’ll put them on a better path. but then the front door of the frat house flies open, and a few drunk students stumble out into the yard.

AJ offers Poppy a smile, almost sad and longing. “it was nice seeing you again.” and then she heads back inside.

vi. Thanksgiving.

Poppy doesn’t plan on visiting her parents this year. and besides, they’re going out of town for the holiday. so if she has to be alone, she’d rather it be in the sorority house than in some stuffy brownstone on the Upper West Side.

it’s late in the afternoon when Poppy gets a text from AJ. all it says is are you at the sorority? she stares at it for a moment, debates deleting it and carrying on with her day. but something tells her to respond, so she does.

she says that she is and waits for AJ’s response. she waits five minutes, then ten and nothing comes. Poppy scoffs and tosses her phone onto her bed. it’s not long later when she hears a knock on the front door. Poppy doesn’t think much of it, so she answers it without checking.

she finds AJ standing on the front stoop, grinning like she knows something Poppy doesn’t.

“what are you doing here?” Poppy says. “i thought you’d be on your way home by now.”

“i’m getting an early flight tomorrow.” then AJ holds up a plane ticket, grinning like this has been her plan all along. “and i was wondering if you’d want to come with me.”

“what?”

“come home with me. my parents always cook too much food, so really, you’d be doing them a favour.”

Poppy folds her arms over her chest and studies AJ for a moment. “don’t you want to take your girlfriend,” she says, and maybe she wants her words to hurt a little bit.

“we broke up over the summer,” AJ says, simple and easy.

“oh. sorry.”

“don’t be. it wasn’t working out and hadn’t been for a while.”

“are you trying to use pity to get me to come with you?” Poppy says, and she knows AJ wouldn’t, but it’s kinda fun to mess with her.

“no, of course not! i just wanted to be upfront with you. so, come home with me. please.”

Poppy plucks the ticket from AJ’s hand and says, “i’m only doing this for your parents.”

“of course.” AJ winks and grins. “i’ll see you bright and early at the airport tomorrow then.

the flight is uneventful, although Poppy decides AJ is much too cheerful for seven o’clock in the morning.

when they step inside AJ’s childhood home, Poppy’s immediately struck by just how warm and lived in it all feels. AJ’s mother tells her to mind the mess as she ushers them both inside, and AJ’s father greets them and says hugs’ll have to wait as he gestures to his dirty apron.

they all cram around a too small table in mismatched chairs that creak and rock back-and-forth. Poppy doesn’t care that she’s sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with AJ and one of her sisters. dinner is loud and fun, and AJ’s parents insist on sharing stories from AJ’s childhood. and as dinner winds down and dessert is served, Poppy reaches for AJ’s hand beneath the table and knows that she’ll never let go.

vii. Christmas.

it’s close to midnight on Christmas Eve when AJ appears on the front stoop of the Zeta house. she looks distraught and like she hasn’t had a good night sleep in days. so Poppy steps outside and asks, “what’s wrong?”

AJ looks at her, really looks at her, and Poppy feels something shift in that moment. and then AJ’s talking, words tumbling from her mouth, and it doesn’t look like she can stop herself. then she says i love you and everything goes still.

it takes a moment, but AJ seems to catch up to what she’s just said. her eyes go wide, and Poppy can see that she’s gearing up to apologies. but Poppy doesn’t let her. she surges forward and hug AJ tightly because oh god, i’ve missed her so much.

Poppy doesn’t say the words back, not yet anyway. but she holds onto AJ and tries to show her that she loves her, too.

viii. New Year’s Eve.

naturally, this is where they end. although end in a very loose sense of the word. because they will be something after tonight. something supportive and challenging, but most importantly something real.

they will be promises of forever, witty remarks that are just an i love you in disguise, and moments where the rest of the word falls away and it’s just the two of them together. what they will be terrifies Poppy. because she’s got a reputation and parental expectations, and AJ doesn’t fit into any of that... right?

maybe. but maybe it’s good that AJ doesn’t fit into that. maybe it’s good that AJ had upended everything she thought she knew. maybe that’s what makes what they will be so damn perfect.

so, they stand in the front yard of some frat house, a New Year’s party raging on inside, and finally admit what’s been there all along. they talk and tease and say things they mean with all their heart.

it’s with ten seconds of the year left that Poppy says, “i love you,” and feels that final piece of her heart heal.

“i love you, too,” AJ says as the countdown finally reaches zero.

there’s cheering from inside and then AJ steps closer to Poppy, smiling so bright and warm, and Poppy twists her arms around AJ’s neck and doesn’t once care that she’s probably smiling like an idiot in love.

so, yes, that’s how they end: in the final ten second of the year with an i love you that means exactly what it claims.

[xofanfics]

String - Part VII

Prologue | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII

Genre: angst, fluff

Pairing: Baekhyun x Female Reader x Sehun

Word Count: 4.3k

Summary: You find yourself in a friends-with-benefits situation with your best friend. You have no business falling for him, but your heart begs to differ.

You took extra care with your outfit tonight. Not that you wouldn’t take extra care anyway, being that you were going on a date. Conveniently, you’d see Baekhyun too. 

You ended up pushing your date with Sehun back to nine instead of seven. He didn’t seem to have an issue with it, thankfully. He said, “Go support your friends. The jazz bar isn’t going anywhere.”

“Thanks for understanding,” you said. “He asked me to come at the last minute.”

“It’ll be fun. Just save a little bit of energy for me,” he said, chuckling. 

“What’s that supposed to mean, hm? Why do I need energy?”

“So you don’t fall asleep mid drink, you little perv.”

The two of you burst into laughter. For someone who wasn’t actively trying to have sex with you, he did enjoy making dirty jokes. You didn’t mind. It reminded you of the stupid, slick comments Baekhyun used to make when you’d wear short skirts. He’d whisper, “Are you going to let me eat you out later? I think my head fits perfectly between your legs,” while your friends weren’t paying attention. You smiled at the distant memory but then you shook it off, bringing yourself back to a Baekhyun-less reality. 

You felt bad pursuing Sehun when you still sort of had these unresolved feelings for Baekhyun but you needed to move on. It wasn’t that you were using Sehun. You actually liked him a lot and you could see this going somewhere. He was a good guy and, to be honest, it seemed like you had more in common with him than with Baekhyun. But still, for reasons you had yet to discover, it felt like your heart would burst out of your chest and jump on Baekhyun if it could. 

You looked in the mirror. You were wearing a long sleeved maroon colored dress, a few inches above your knees. It was long enough to cover your butt and short enough to show off your legs. The dress hung off both of your shoulders, showing off some skin. You wore a pair of stud earrings and a simple necklace that wasn’t too dressy. Your date was at a jazz bar and you figured you’d dress up a bit. You admitted to yourself that you had a double agenda, hoping that Baekhyun noticed you and even more so, delusionally hoping that he’d want you back. 

You slid on your black booties and put your bag over your shoulder. You checked for your phone, keys, and wallet before heading out of the door. Excitement ran through you and so did anxiety. Tonight could go very good, very badly, or very neutrally. Could you handle it?

*

People were piling into the auditorium as you arrived a bit later than expected. Sadie and Evie told you they’d saved you a seat and were waiting for you somewhere on the right side. You’d find them eventually. Since the lights were still on, you found your friends easily. You squeezed past other people, making your way to the middle of the row. 

“Hey guys,” you said, plopping down next to Daren.

“Well, well, well,” said Daren. “Look who finally decided to show up.”

You smiled, giving him a quick hug before sitting down. You waved to Sadie and Evie on the other side of him. “I’m sorry I’ve been MIA…”

“Yeah and, uh, I…”

You shook your head. “You don’t have to feel bad for me or anything. I’m fine.”

Relief washed over your friend and the lights dimmed. The host went onto the stage, taking the microphone in his hands. “Hey, hey, hey! I know we’re all super excited to be here this evening. I’m your host Kalled…”

You started tuning him out, thinking again of how the night would go. Would you be able to speak if Baekhyun stood in front of you? What kinds of things would you say? Part of you wanted to be mean, to hurt his feelings like he did to you. But the other part wasn’t sure.

“The first group to compete in the Battle of the Orgs: Dance Edition is…”

To be honest, you weren’t quite paying attention. You knew that KSA was going last and you had no interest in the Bollywood dancing or the Chinese fan dance or the hip-hop or the ballet. You even found yourself dozing off. Daren nudged you as the host announced the group you actually cared about. 

You rubbed sleep from your eyes as the first song came on: Under Cover by A.C.E. You watched the group’s sharp movements and, if you didn’t know them, you’d think that they might be professionals. Baekhyun liked to dance but you had no idea that he could pull this off. You watched the way his body moved in his black shirt and joggers. You watched as his body twisted and turned. He looked concentrated and, knowing the person Baekhyun was, you knew that he could be a bit of a perfectionist when it came to things like this. 

You sighed to yourself as they started performing Sha La La by Pentagon. You wondered what this girlfriend of his was like and if she was here. Did she get him flowers or something to congratulate him on his performance? Was she here right now, in this crowd? You didn’t know anything about this girl so far and that was part of what killed you. And you supposed it was better off not knowing because then you’d find yourself comparing and contrasting.

Before you knew it, they performed Regular by NCT 127 and their performance was over. As the crowd roared and people put in their votes, you tuned it all out. All you could think about was Baekhyun. Why did this have to be so hard? Why was it so hard to move on when Baekhyun already let you know that you weren’t the person he wanted? Shouldn’t it be easy? Shouldn’t you think, “Fuck him!” Why was it that your heart still clinging onto those feelings?

As predicted, KSA’s dance team won the competition and the crowd roared again. Your friends jumped up and down next to you, yelling and shouting for your friends. You clapped but you didn’t jump. Right about now, you couldn’t bring yourself to feel excited. You didn’t want to feel like this but you couldn’t help yourself. You wanted to leave. You didn’t want to face Baekhyun but you also knew that you couldn’t hide from him forever. Eventually, you’d cross paths again and you’d have to act like a reasonable adult. 

The auditorium started to empty out and you led the way out into the hallway. You excused yourself to the bathroom so that you could gain your bearings. You went to the bathroom and washed your hands. You turned the water off and dried your hands. You took a deep breath, looking in the mirror to make sure you didn’t look as distressed as you felt. For now, you could pull it off. Chill out, Y/N, you told yourself as you walked out of the bathroom and back into the hallway where you left your friends. 

Before you could even search for them yourself, you found them standing with a man whose face you knew all too well. You knew it wasn’t their fault that Baekhyun was there because it was no one’s job to protect your feelings. After all, they were still friends with Baekhyun even if your relationship with him was up in the air.

You took a deep breath, as you’d been spotted not only by Baekhyun but by Drew. It was too late to run in the opposite direction so you did your best and made your way over to your friends. 

“Y/N, hey,” said Evie, attempting to break the ice that had formed between you and Baekhyun. You stood a safe distance away from Baekhyun, choosing to stand next to Sadie instead of next to Daren which would bring you dangerously close to Baekhyun. 

“Hey guys,” you said, as a general greeting just so that Baekhyun didn’t assume you were speaking to him directly. You could feel his eyes on you like glue. “The performance was really good. Good job…”

“Thanks,” said Drew and Baekhyun at the same time. 

Baekhyun let out a nervous laugh before Evie cleared her throat. “So, is anyone up for a party tonight?”

“I’m down,” said Baekhyun.

Drew looked at Daren. “We’re not doing anything tonight.”

“Whose party?”

“One of the girls was saying that there’s an Airbnb party tonight. Whoever’s throwing the party must be rich. I heard his dad is a diplomat from Ethiopia. It’s some place that’s not too far. A little further uptown. I followed her on Instagram. She posted the address on her story,” Evie explained. 

“Y/N, are you coming?”

You shook your head. “I actually have plans tonight.”

Sadie said, “Just bring him with you!”

Before you could say anything else, someone crashed into Baekhyun and wrapped their arms around him. She said, “You did amazing, babe.”

Baekhyun smiled back at her. “Thank you.” He planted a kiss on her forehead, just like he used to do to you.

There she was, in all her fucking glory. Miss Kira had blessed you with her presence after all this time. Not only did you have to have a run-in with Baekhyun but with his new girlfriend, too. This was the cherry on top of all of your problems. Kira looked up and greeted the rest of your friends. She said, “I’m Kira. I don’t think we’ve met.”

Baekhyun said, “Kira, Y/N. Y/N, this is my girlfriend Kira.”

If everyone was being honest, you’d admit that you wanted to punch her in her pretty face. You’d admit that you wanted to pull her stupid long, bone straight hair. You’d admit that you wanted to rip her jacket in two. But you didn’t admit any of those things. And you definitely weren’t being honest. 

She smiled at you as she reached out her hand. Mustering the fakest smile you could, you smiled back and shook the bitch’s hand. You felt bad referring to her as a bitch, even in your thoughts. But it’s what your brain did automatically. When you thought of the name Kira, you couldn’t help but think of the word bitch to go along with it.

Kira the bitch. 

Bitchy ass Kira. 

The bitch-who-stole-Baekhyun Kira. 

What sucked for you is that she didn’t seem like the type of girl to be a bitch. Hating her would be a lot easier if she had her nose up in the air as if she was better than you or if she was acting standoffish. But meeting her face to face tonight, she seemed excited to meet you, another one of Baekhyun’s friends. 

“Nice to meet you,” you said even though you didn’t mean it.

You cleared your throat and turned to Sadie. “I’ll ask him. He just said he’s outside.”

*

You weaved in and out of clusters of students, the post-performance buzz had spilled out onto the sidewalks. You heard the chatter of your classmates, with most of them trying to figure out plans for the night. Just like you, you had no idea what the plan was for tonight. You didn’t even know if Sehun would agree. Your mind was pretty much a jumble after dealing with seeing Baekhyun and meeting Kira for the first time ever. 

You found Sehun standing across the street, on the corner. You jogged across the street once the road was clear to cross. He smiled upon your arrival and pulled you into a quick hug. “Wow. You look good.”

You smiled as you pulled away from his hug. “Thanks.”

“Are you ready to head out?”

“I was actually wondering if you wanted to go to this party instead,” you said. 

“What kind of party?”

“There’s just this rich kid who rented out an airbnb a little further uptown. A lot of people are trying to go.” You cleared your throat. “My friends asked if I wanted to go and said that I should bring you. But don’t feel pressured to go. We already made plans but I just wanted—”

“Let’s go,” he said, much to your surprise.

“Really?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. I haven’t been to a college party in a couple years. I’m down to relive college for a night.”

“Are you sure?”

“As long as I get to hang out with you, I’m happy.”

You smiled. “Thanks. Plus, I think my friends kinda wanna meet you.”

He returned your smile. “I’m great with friends.”

You liked this about Sehun too. Even though he seemed more reserved, he was still very open and friendly. You had no doubts that your friends would like him. Hell, you figured Drew and Daren would probably like him, too. Sehun was the ideal man and you knew that. You just wished that your heart would keep that in mind, too. You were trying to forget about Baekhyun but your heart was holding you back. You had to push him out to make room for Sehun, because you deserved better.

Your friends spotted you before you spotted them. Sehun looked past you and nodded behind you. “Are these your friends?”

You turned around and found Sadie and Evie walking toward you. “Heeeeeeyyy,” sang Evie. “There you are.” Sadie wrapped her arm around your shoulder as your face turned a little red with embarrassment.

With a sigh, you said, “Well looks like they found us. These are my friends Evie and Sadie.”

They shook hands with him and Sehun said, “My name’s Sehun.”

“So you’re the guy that’s been stealing our friend away the past couple weekends,” said Sadie.

“Nice to meet you,” said Evie.

Sehun said, “So I heard there’s a party?”

“Yeah,” Evie answered. “You’re coming right? I figured we should pregame or something.”

“My place isn’t too far. We could go there. I have a couple bottles of something or another,” Sehun said.

And that was that. The four of you headed to Sehun’s house in Chelsea. To be honest, you’d never been there. You had no idea what his house looked like. And to be honest another time, you realized that you assumed that he lived in Brooklyn like you. But tonight was full of surprises, clearly.

*

The four of you walked into a luxury building that was a thousand times better than the third floor walk up you lived in. As you walked into the lobby, the concierge said, “Good evening.” Sehun nodded and led you and your friends toward the elevators. The gray floors were so shiny that you could almost see yourself in them. You gawked at the grand chandelier hanging above you as you waited for the elevator.

As the elevator arrived, Sehun held his arm out and let you and your friends on first. Evie whispered in your ear, “What a gentleman...” 

You smiled to yourself as the four of you got out on the nineteenth floor. Sehun led you down a long hallway, ending up at the end of the hallway. He took out his key and let everyone inside. He flipped the light switch and put his keys down on the kitchen counter. 

“Make yourselves at home,” he said. “I’m gonna see what we have. My roommate had some leftover bottles from a get together we had a couple weeks ago.”

You nodded and sat on the couch, sandwiched between your friends. You watched as Sehun rummaged through the mahogany kitchen cabinets. He looked so concentrated and you couldn’t help but notice how he raised his eyebrow at the bottle holding the brown liquid in question. He held up two half full, half empty bottles. One was clear and one was dark. 

Sauntering into the living room, Sehun held up the two bottles. “Light or dark?”

“Light,” the three of you said.

“You’re scared of dark liquor huh?”

“It always gives me a hangover,” said Evie.

Sadie nodded in agreement. “Do you have some juice or something to chase it with?”

Sehun started walking back toward the kitchen. He opened the fridge. “Yeah. Looks like there’s some orange juice and if you guys want something different, I have some of that shitty lemonade mix. And there’s Sprite.”

“Vodka lemonade sounds good,” you said. “We can top it with sprite.”

Evie nudged you. “Go help him!”

You laughed and got up, heading into the kitchen to join him. “Need some help?”

He looked up, smiling. “I could always use some help. Apparently I’m a little heavy handed with adding sugar...” You started helping Sehun, grabbing measuring cups and the sugar jar as he washed the pitcher. 

He got four glasses and started pouring a little vodka in each. “How about a shot to get started?”

*

You were tipsy. Not too drunk but not too sober either. The drinks you and Sehun made were pretty good. There wasn’t much sprite left in the bottle so the four of you had to make it stretch a bit. And Sehun was right about being heavy handed because the first batch of lemonade ended up being sugar water rather than lemonade. Luckily, you had salvaged it, dumping some of the water in the sink and adding more water.

Sehun got more and more outgoing as the night went on. He told your friends about the night you met and how you stood out to him and how he felt like he had to talk to you. When you disappeared for a moment into the bathroom, you heard him say that he was starting to like you. This made you smile. It felt good to be wanted. It felt good to not have to question a man’s feelings for you. 

To be honest, you liked him too. You enjoyed his company and he made you feel like the only girl in the world. When he spoke to you, he only saw you. You could tell that he’d invested a lot in you so far. You didn’t have to wonder if he was entertaining other women. He told you that he wasn’t like that and you could tell that he was being genuine. Sehun was the most genuine guy that you’d met in a long time. He wasn’t about bullshit and pulling you around on a string for weeks, months, and so on only to drop you at the last minute. For the first time in a long time, you saw a clear path in front of you. There were no bumps or obstacles standing in your way. It was a straight shot.

When you came back in the living room, Sehun had turned some music on and he started singing “Diamonds” by Rihanna. You and your friends joined in on the song and started singing and dancing around the couch and coffee table, clutching your vodka soda lemonade drinks in your hands. It was going to be a good night, you thought.

Before you knew it, it was about to hit ten o’clock. Evie let everyone know that people were starting to head to the party. As you left Sehun’s apartment, Sadie added that Baekhyun was most likely coming too. But, at this moment, you didn’t care. You felt much better going to this party if Sehun was at your side. You felt better, more confident, with Sehun on your arm. This was a great way to show Baekhyun that you’d moved on after all. You didn’t need him anymore and, to be honest, you were through. Why were you even thinking of Baekhyun and all the bullshit you’d been through when you were walking next to a man that made you question nothing? When you were walking next to a man who openly admitted to liking you? He hadn’t told you directly and you knew that he probably had no idea if you heard what he said in the first place. Hell, he might even admit it to you if you just asked. Either way, you were in a much better place now. You were no longer hanging onto some string, with Baekhyun pulling you in all sorts of directions. You were free, free to let go of that fucking string and go after what you wanted. 

*

Baekhyun knew he had no right to feel hurt but he did. For some reason, he felt hurt that you’d possibly moved on. He knew that it was stupid and that none of it really made much sense but it was how he felt. Baekhyun had moved on. Hell, it seemed like you had moved on, too. 

Even with this beautiful girl standing in front of him, he felt jealous. Even though you weren’t his and he wasn’t yours, he still felt some type of way. He was so torn and confused by these feelings, so he started toward the kitchen for a drink. He needed something that would push his feelings to the back of his mind. Kira had walked off with a friend to fix her makeup in the bathroom, so he felt less guilty about leaving her on her own. 

As he walked into the kitchen, he spotted Drew taking a shot with a bunch of other guys he’d never met before. Drew slammed down his plastic shot glass and looked up at his friend. “Baek, take a shot with us!” 

He shrugged and figured why not? He grabbed the shot his friend had poured and downed it quickly. “Can I vent?”

Drew nodded, “Let’s go to the balcony.”

Baekhyun weaved in and out of the clusters of people scattered across the living room, his friend following behind him. He slid open the door, relieved that the balcony wasn’t crowded. There was a couple smoking a cigarette together on the other side. He sat down on one of the patio chairs and Drew sat across from him. 

“What’s up?” Drew said. 

Baekhyun sighed. “It’s Y/N...”

“What about her?” he asked. “Was it weird seeing her tonight?”

“Well, it was...but did you see the way she purposely didn’t stand near me? It’s like she doesn’t even wanna breathe my air. She barely acknowledged my presence. And that fucking sarcastic smile when Kira said hi to her? I bet she didn’t even listen to my voicemail either. And she’s already seeing someone new?”

Drew was perplexed by this situation between you and Baekhyun. This wasn’t the first time he went on a rant about you and how you weren’t answering any of his messages or when he pressed him for updates about you. He was always wondering what you were doing and why you weren’t answering and why things couldn’t be the way they used to be. 

Drew said, “I mean, you fucked her over. Did you expect her to just...forgive you?”

Baekhyun pouted. “Well, no but—”

“Think about it: She liked you a lot. And, I mean, I thought you did too…”

“I did, but—”

“Did or do? I know we’ve both been drinking and you’re probably in your feelings but you have to admit, you’re acting kinda crazy right now.”

“How am I acting crazy?”

“You started dating Kira! Can you blame Y/N for moving on? You’re saying you liked her, in past tense, but it sounds like maybe you still do.” Drew cleared his throat. “Look, what’s your problem exactly? Are you upset because she won’t forgive you or are you upset because you’re jealous that she’s moving on?”

Baekhyun was annoyed. He had come to Drew to vent and here he was psychoanalyzing him. Was Drew his friend or his goddamn therapist? 

Baekhyun let out a sigh, pushing those negative thoughts about his friend away. He knew Drew was right and that he was just trying to help him out. In a way, it was as if his friend knew him better that he knew himself. Drew was only giving him some things to think about. 

What was he even doing? Why was he obsessing over what you were doing when you’d clearly made up your mind that the two of you were no longer even friends? He, apparently, needed to move on, too. If he wanted a relationship with Kira, he needed to think less about you and more about her. Otherwise, it might go up in flames and blow up in Baekhyun’s face. 

“You’re right,” Baekhyun said, rolling his eyes. “I know you’re right.”

Drew said, “I’m not saying to break up with Kira and go to Y/N or the other way around but I think you need to take a step back to figure out what it is you want.” He threw his arm around Baekhyun. “Look, let’s just enjoy the party tonight and think about this complicated stuff later, okay?”

Baekhyun nodded. “Yeah. Deal.”

As soon Baekhyun closed the balcony door behind him and turned back toward the party, he saw you walk in, in all your glory. The worst part of it all was that you had your arms wrapped around some douchebag in a bomber jacket. Actually, he lied. The worst part of it all was the fact that not only did you have your arms wrapped around that douchebag’s arm, but that you were smiling harder than he’d seen you smile, like you were having the time of your life. 

The way his heart dropped and the way his blood began to simmer in his veins, he knew what Drew said was right. 

This was going to be a rough night.

***

Thank you for reading, as always and please let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list for STRING!

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[thefanficmonster]

4+1 Taylor’s short edition

Daniel x Taylor (The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF, Humor

Summary: The four times Daniel teased Taylor about being short and the one time she got her revenge.

Requested by my platonic spouse @hopeveon Hope you enjoy it bro! (sorry for the wait) Love, Vy ❤

I

There are times in Taylor’s life she wishes she was the high-heels-to-the-store type of person. Maybe then her height wouldn’t hinder her from reaching the top shelves where her favorite cereal is kept.

She’s been standing in front of the raft, glaring the orange box of cereal down as if that way she’ll eventually convince it to fall on its own right into her arms. 

This is one of those ‘I wish I could wear heels without maneuvering around like a baby giraffe’ moments. Not that the heels would help her much considering how high up the shelf is but it’d still give her some level of advantage: she’d be able to reach the shelf below the top one and that’d still be considered a bonus.

“Need help, T?”

Then again, who needs heels when they have a tall boyfriend to snatch up things they can’t.

Taylor flashes him a smile as he turns into the aisle she’s standing in, the shopping cart he’s pushing already containing the items he was assigned to get. “Could you, for the love of God, grab me one of those?” She asks pointing up at the cereal boxes with clear frustration in her movements.

Daniel shoots her a smirk as he parks the cart, “Why don’t you...” Taylor, sensing the oncoming joke at her shortness, opens her mouth to complain but before she can say a single word, she’s lifted up off the ground, earning a yelp from her. “...get it yourself?” Daniel finishes his previously began sentence, holding his girlfriend up so the boxes are within arm’s reach.

When she takes two, he sets her back down on the floor. Just as she’s about to thank him, however, he ruffles her hair, placing a kiss at the top of her head once he does so. “You’re welcome, shorty.”

And just like that, she swallows her gratitude.

II

Taylor’s classes finished earlier than Daniel’s today due to some change in the professors’ schedule. That leaves her here, on a bench in the college park, waiting for her boyfriend since she doesn’t want to break their routine and walk to the dorms on her own, leaving him to do the same. They’ve had very little time for one another as of recent because of the upcoming torturous finals that have them worrying and overworking themselves sick. Walking to the dorms is one thing these upcoming exams can’t take away from them, luckily.

As she types another message to Andrew, promising she’d help him with his essay he’s gotta turn in in two days and has no idea how to even start it, she hears the sound of laughter. Laughter which the person is desperately trying to suppress. She looks up from her phone to see Daniel standing on the path a few feet away, one hand clutching the strap of his bag while the other is balled in a fist and pressed against his lips to prevent the aforementioned laughter from escaping him.

When he notices she’s looking, he does his best to keep his composure and still himself but it’s already too late - it’s all been spotted.

Raising an eyebrow at him, Taylor can’t contain the need to ask what has him cracking up so badly, “Take a breath please. What are you even laughing at?“ Finding himself unable to speak without laughing, he just points to her feet which has her even more confused. She raises an eyebrow at him, looking down at her dangling and swinging feet clad in an old pair of Converse. “That explains nothing.” She says, continuing to watch his movements with an unamused look on her face.

Daniel does as she told him - takes a breath - before he opens his mouth to explain, a smile still stretching at the corners of his lips, “You can’t touch the ground, can you?”

It takes a few moments for the words to register and be processed but she’s quick to catch onto yet another one of his increasingly creative jokes. It’s understood without saying that she’s less than impressed by this joke of his when she gets up and proceeds to speed-walk down the path towards the dorms, leaving Daniel rushing to catch up to her, calling her name while laughing his ass off.

III

This carnival date was entirely her idea, but she’d never admit it, obviously. There’s another truth she’d never admit, this one even more embarrassing in her opinion - she wants to win some stuffed animals so she can decorate her dorm which she’s suddenly decided is incredibly barren.

Daniel had no problem agreeing to the idea of a carnival date, especially not when Taylor agreed to go on the rollercoasters with him. The rides aren’t all that impressive but they are enough to get your adrenaline rushing and he’s prepared to settle for that with the added bonus of the fact that Taylor probably wouldn’t have accompanied him if the rides were impressive by his standards.

After a successful negotiation, Daniel’s spent the short but drawn out walk to the first ride they plan on going on with his arm wrapped Taylor’s shoulders, convincing her there’s nothing to be afraid of and that the ride is perfectly safe.

“It doesn’t even go upside down!“ That’s an argument he uses as though it’ll change anything about Taylor’s feelings on the ride or make her any more enthusiastic about getting on. If it were to go upside down she wouldn’t be anywhere near it let alone on it. “Besides, it’s less than three minutes and I’ll be by your side the whole time, T. Nothing to worry about.“

Taylor, unable to say no to the excitement of her boyfriend, succumbs with an eye-roll, “Fine, but if I puke on you it’s your own fault.”

Lifting his hands up in surrender, he continues guiding her to the entrance of the ride where they make it within less than a minute before the ride starts. However, right as she’s about to step onto the platform, Daniel’s arm gently tugs her back. In response to the unexpected gesture Taylor stops in her tracks, turning her head to give him a confused look. Daniel doesn’t reply verbally, but the grin on his face and the tilt of his head that point to a sign displaying the required height to get on the ride say it all.

“It’s your lucky day.“ He laughs, seeing the frown upon her face as a response to the teasing look in his eyes. Taking hold of her hand he leads her away from the ride stifling laughter at the cute displeased furrow of her brows. “Let’s go get you your stuffed animals.“

IV

“Great game!“ Taylor claps her hands together when she sees Daniel exit he changing rooms following a particularly intense match that ended in a draw, leaving both teams displeased to a certain degree.

Despite the bitter feeling of not having lost but not having won either, Daniel lets a wide smile spread across his face when he sees the excitement in Taylor’s eyes. He knows she’s clueless about more than half the things going on in the field but her support is limitless and unconditional which makes him so incredibly fond of her - even more than he already was.

“Thanks, it could’ve been better though.“ He replies, shrugging as he leans down to give Taylor a hug, “You coming to the party with us?“

Pressing her lips in a thin line when the two pull away, she gives him an apologetic shake of her head, “Sorry, I have an essay to finish and an exam to study for. I hope you have fun though.”

He does an expert job of covering up his displeasure with her absence as to not make her feel guilty about it, “Don’t worry, wish I could help you with it. I mean, I don’t have to go...”

Taylor scoffs, giggling a little bit at the cuteness of the boy standing before her, “Nonsense.” She says with a playful eye roll as she pushes up on her tip toes to place a kiss on his cheek, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Just as she’s about to turn around and walk away, she catches glimpse of the oddly sentimental look in his eyes and the small smile on his lips, lightyears away in comparison to the one he wore previously. “What is it?”

“Nothing.“ He shrugs yet again, “You’re just super cute when you do that.“

Taylor huffs, “You’re lucky you’re tall.”

She was practically asking for it

“Nope, I’m lucky you’re short.“

That earns him a punch to the shoulder before she storms off a frown and a blush on her face. And a smile she’s suppressing.

The Revenge

It’s spring, the smell of the freshly bloomed flowers and trees tickles their nostrils as the couple walk in the park, the sunlight warming their skin. Spring break has never been an exciting time period for either of them. Hell, they didn’t even go home and chose to stay in the dorms instead so they could spend the time they had with each other rather than with their families who’d either bore them to death with awkward questions or make them regret coming back via a different method.

Daniel and Taylor are discussing the movie they just saw, completely unaware of the world around them as they do so. That happens frequently - when they’re in each other’s company, lost in conversation, they often end up forgetting they’re not the only people on this planet. Not the only things either.

“Oh come on, he was so annoying. I like a good villain as much as you do but he was ridiculous.“ Taylor complains, one hand resting above her eyes to shield them from the sunlight in order to be able to look up at Daniel who in return is gazing down at her, head slightly bowed.

“That just makes him cooler - he’s so ridiculous and such an airhead but he’s super intelligent. Did you see what he came up with? That doesn’t say ‘ridiculous’ to me.“ Daniel replies, receiving a frustrated huff from Taylor in return.

“Whatever, he’s still super annoying and no amount of intelligence can change that.“ She persists, frowning as if that’ll emphasize her point better.

Just as Daniel’s about to reply, however, he’s quickly silenced by the smacking of branches against his face. He panics momentarily, caught off-guard by the not painful but still unpleasant impact. But when he hears Taylor’s laughter, he brings himself to open his eyes and stop his arms from flailing around in self-defense of the twiggy branches that he walked into. When he turns to look at Taylor he sees she’s not at all affected by the same affliction, seeing as how her height allows her to pass right under the branches untouched.

“That is what you get! That is what you earned!” She calls back to him as she keeps walking down the path, “You joke about my height, Mother Nature’s gonna punish you.” 

This gets a laugh out of him as well as he jogs to catch up to her, “Hey, I never joke about your height! I just ACKNOWLEDGE it in a playful manner.” He corrects her, looking down hoping for a laugh or something but only receiving a glare in return.

Before another set of branches hits him in the face.

[1990stae]

Go Dance ~ myg

- series : opposites attract

- pairing : fboy!yoongix x carefree!reader

-genre : angst 

- word count : 1.5k (its short im sorry)

- warnings : drinking, dirty dancing ? cursing/swearing, its a pretty chill chapter. unedited

-a/n : IVE NEVER WRITTEN ON TUMBLR BEFORE SO IM LIKE LITERALLY TERRIFED SO UH, FEEDBACK IS AMAZING YES PLZ GIVE ME THAT

--

Friday Sep 28 , 4:30 PM

“ yn c’mon, we never do anything anymore, why not just, this one party..”

“Because the last time I let you boys drag me to a party, there was some guy groping me for half the night because you thought, and I quote , ‘you two would be cute.’” you looked at Jin lightly before sitting down next to Jimin at the table. 

The boys had taken you to your favorite coffee shop as a small bribe to get you to join them tonight at some frat party you were not interested in. You had already decided to go of course, but Taehyung had already gotten you snacks and makeup from Walmart and you wanted to see just how much more money you could get them to spend before they caught on.

“I’d need new clothes for the night, all of mine are old.” you mentioned, taking a small bite from your cakepop.

“I can buy you something, as long as it’s not too expensive.” Jin pipped up. 

“Are you sure Mom? I dont wanna spend your money.” 

“Yea for sure. It's just a small outfit. Isn't it?” Jimin let out a snicker as Jin finished his sentence.

-

Friday Sep 28 , 8:47 PM

“You’re not wearing the outfit I bought ?!” Jin exclaimed as you pilled into his car, sitting next to Tae in the backseat.

“ I said I was wearing jeans and a  hoodie. You thought I was joking?” you baited, seeing your friend realize what you had done.

“Hyung, how did you not see what she was doing? It was quite obvious.” Jimin told Jin as the car began moving.

Jin said nothing and turned on the radio as he drove towards the campus housing. You lived a few miles away in an apartment with Taehyung, so the drive was short and sweet. 

As you approached the house, you could feel the bass shaking lightly. Stepping out of the car made it more noticeable. The ground below you shook lightly as you walked alongside your friends up to the house. 

The lawn was littered with people dancing and smoking, all sorts of things you thought were better done where the police couldn't catch you. Once you and the boys reached the house you could feel your ear drums bursting at the noise. It wasn't a pleasant sensation nor was it a good song. You sighed and continued following Jin through the house. Stopping in the kitchen.

“Joon!” Jin yelled over the music, throwing his arms up.

“Jin! You guys made it.” He hugged Jin loosely before turning to his friends. Two of which you recognized.

“This is Hobi, Jungkook, and I'm sure you all know Yoongi.” Namjoon patted Yoongi's shoulder lightly before turning back to Jin. Yoongi took a small drink from his cup before looking around, avoiding you and your friends. 

“Right, this is Taehyung, Jimin, and Yn. Nice to meet you all.”

You heard a small scoff and looked over at Hoseok. He seemed uninterested by the situation, but to be fair, so were you.

“Joon, I'm gonna go dance. I’ll see you guys later?” He asked his friend. 

“Yea! Have fun Hyung!” Namjoon told Hobi before watching his friend disappear into the crowd of moving bodies.

You looked around before finding the solo cups and alcohol, moving over to make yourself a drink. Mixing the Coke and Rum in a cup evenly before hearing Tae speaking to Jungkook about some class they had together. 

“Coke and Rum? Seems boring.” a voice mentioned.

“Thanks, I try,” you replied sarcastically before looking up from where the voice had come from. He kept his drink close to his chin as he spoke.

“I didn’t know you and your friends knew what parties were.” he spoke, this time following it with a sip from the cup.

“ aren't you supposed to be sober? Healthy athlete or whatever.” You commented as you turned your body outwards, leaning onto the counter behind you and watching your friends converse about school and work.

“I don't drink” You looked up at him confused as he brought the cup down to your nose, “it’s Coke. I thought loners were always wasted. What's with the half assed drink?”

“I came here with three other people. What about that screams loner to you?” 

“Loner, stoner, same difference really.” he brought the drink back up to his mouth before taking a sip.

“Why are you here if you don't drink?” You knew he was popular, and that he often went to these types of parties. But you only went when forced, and your plan was always to get waisted. 

He looked upward towards the crowd of dancing bodies, “because girls do,” he said to you before sitting his drink down and moving into the room crowded by people.

Jin noticed the separation of you and Yoongi and moved over to where you were standing, taking your drink from your hand and taking a quick drink before handing it back.

“I'm guessing that didn't go too well.”

“Whatever could you mean? It went amazingly. We’re getting married this spring.” you said with a side eye, moving your attention down to your phone and swiping away the notifications.

“He’s really not that bad, yn. Give him a chance. He’s just a bit cocky ya know?” Jin tried, looking at you with small, pleading eyes.

“Why do you want me close to him? He’s pretentious and annoying.”

“Don't ask questions. Go dance,” Jin grabbed the drink from your hand before pushing you away from the counter. You sighed and moved to where you saw Taehyung and Jimin dancing. 

-

Friday Sep 28 , 11:24 PM

Once the three of you were together you felt ease rush over you, being with two of your best friends at a party was a feeling you enjoyed. A feeling you felt to cherish. Tae and Jimin were two of the most free spirited people you knew and being around them just seemed to make you feel free as well.

It wasn't long before you three were joined by Jin. Laughing at the people who seemed to lack rhythm and coordination. Jin mocking their dance moves to make you all smile. Jimin and Tae avoided the girls who came up to them. 

Out of the corner of your eye you noticed him, surrounded by girls, as he practically just stood there, enjoying it. A small scoff escaped your mouth as you watched his eyes scan them as they moved around him. 

The situation was corny and gross enough with him finding you in the crowd, your head turned toward him. This small thing boosted his ego, an ego that was already inflated. A smirk planted on his face as he began moving against the bodies surrounding him, holding eye contact with you for the entirety of the song that happened to be playing.

Jimin seemed to notice the smug expression on Yoongi's face as he pulled you closer into him and danced with you pressed to him. 

One of your favorite things about the friends you kept, was that they never seemed to ask questions or doubt each other, just simply followed along. So when Taehyung's arms snaked around you as he stood in front of you, and Jin moved closer into you, you thanked whatever demon or devil sent them to you, because as you turn your attention away from Yoongi and towards your friends who were, in all honesty, helping you do a softcore porn at this point, you heard the girls around him make sad noises. 

By the time the song had ended, Yoongi had disappeared from the living room and you didn’t particularly care. 

“So, who were we seducing?” Tae asked you, shifting away from the close position. 

“Everyone, we were fucking hot.” Jin remarked.

“Yoongi was being a bitch, didn’t think our little yn should have to put up with a bitch boy playing games.” Jimin told the boys before smiling at you.

“I believe whatever we were doing seemed to work because.. Mr. Min is missing and you’re still here. “ Jin teased before walking back to the kitchen, followed by you and the other two.

“I’m bored, can we leave?” you said, pouring yourself a new drink and facing them. They looked as tired as you did. 

“Leaving so soon? No after party?” Yoongi's voice chimed from behind the counter.

“Hmm, yea i think so. There isn't anything interesting here, besides the boys,” you paused and brought your cup up to your mouth, “and there aren't many interesting boys either.” 

You walked out of the house, followed by your friends and all settling into Jin’s car. 

It was tradition, to say the least, to spend nights at your and Taes apartment after late nights, and although it was only a little after 12, no one felt like going home alone. 

You oddly enjoyed this party more than the others you had been to, which was saying a lot seeing as you never liked attending the ‘popular kids’ parties. Not until now.

[arhvste]

☼just until i win☼

WRITTEN CHAPTER

an - everyone say thank you atsumu <3

-

y/n shuffled reluctantly over to her door and slowly opened it to reveal a concerned looking atsumu with a plastic bag in one of his hands.

nothing was said between the pair as y/n moved out the way to let him in. he placed the bag down on the coffee table nearby and turned to the girl. still nothing said between the two, atsumu pulled her into his chest as y/n sobbed quietly into his t-shirt.

after 2 minutes of y/n quietly hiccuping and allowing her tears to fall, atsumu pulled away and looked down at her sighing.

“ya know, ya really worry me sometimes.” 

y/n could only nod slightly as she wiped away the tears remaining on her cheeks as she finally registered the plastic bag on the table.

“what's that?” she mumbled gesturing towards the coffee table. 

atsumu smiled slightly and picked it up to bring to the larger dining table. 

“samu couldn't sleep till he felt like he did somethin for ya. believe it or not, he’s just as worried as me and everyone else. i had to force shouyo and bokkun not to follow me.”

guilt strung through y/n’s chest as she apologised quietly before sitting down opposite the pro player.

“don't apologise, its understandable, i’m just glad ya even opened the door for me.”

“i know you would've stood there all night if i didn't.”

atsumu smiled towards the athletics trainer and began to take out the contents inside. osamu had cooked multiple types of onigiri. ones he knew atsumu liked and ones he knew y/n liked. 

the two ate in a comfortable silence as atsumu allowed the girl to gather her thoughts. the last thing he wanted to do was pressure her into talking to him about what she was thinking and feeling. he knew she would eventually tell him anyway he had all the time in the world for her to tell him.

10 minutes of a slightly warmer atmosphere between them, y/n sniffled and turned away.

“y/n?” atsumu reached over softly.

“no -shit. i-i’m sorry. this is so pathetic i shouldn't even be crying over this, i should've seen it coming from the start.”

ah so she was in the stage of self blame.

“y/n, none of this was your fault okay?”

the girl didn't care at this point and let her tears flow down her cheeks freely as she turned back to face the artificial blonde.

“yeah b-but if i’d just maybe gotten through to him better or maybe just i don't know -broken up with him, none of this would've happened!”

the setter watched as he let y/n let her emotions out. he didn't plan on riling her up. he needed her to get out whatever she was holding in so he could get through to her on a clearer mind.

“y/n, listen to me.”

stopping her quiet sobs for a moment, y/n looked up at a very genuine looking atsumu.

“i get yer a people pleaser and you’d rather take responsibility when somethins not even yer fault but, none of this was yer fault.” atsumu watched as y/n visibly relaxed at the sound go his voice.

this was a start.

he sighed and took her hands into his one and gave them a light squeeze.

“but, i don't believe this was oikawa’s either.”

y/n’s eyes widened slightly as she opened her mouth to object but atsumu didn't give her the chance.

“ah- i know ya probably think i’m just sayin that to stop you from arguing anymore but listen to me.”

the girl relaxed back into her chair, and nodded slightly for atsumu to continue.

“i know ya don't want to look at the picture, in fact its probably the last thing yer gonna wanna look at, but from what it looks to me, its one-sided. ya can tell he’s clearly uncomfortable and in shock.’

y/n frowned slightly trying to remember the awful photo but her memory was so blurred from the strong emotion and endless tears she couldn't actually remember oikawa’s expression in the photo.

“he still met up with her though.” 

atsumu sighed and ran a hand through his slightly messy hair.

“yeah but personally i think he did the right thing. i know its gonna be hard to see things from his point of view but, he handled this well. sure, he wasn't flawless when it came to communication with ya but ya gotta give him some credit for going out his way. he has a lot going on right now and the last thing he probably wanted was a twitter war between his fans, reporters, her fans and herself. seeing her in person was probably one of the best ways to make it clear he wanted nothin to do with her.”

y/n didnt speak for a few moments as she registered what the boy in front of her had just said. yeah it was easy to get angry at how the situation had turned out but was that really all oikawa’s fault. 

“atsumu-” y/n began with a shaky breath.

“i get that you’re trying to help me but what you don't know is that he tried to turn this on us. he accused me of cheating with you even though his only source of evidence was fake tabloids that have obviously reached for any material they can to feed off our names. like i said to him, how can he accuse me of cheating when he has no evidence but there’s actual evidence of him with another girl and he’s insistent i believe that he’s been faithful to me.” 

atsumu raised an eyebrow to this. oikawa really read those stupid tabloids? they were obviously fake, hell, the same reporters had even written a few tabloids linking him to sakusa much to the latters disgust. 

“but is that picture really evidence? i mean, from what it looks like he’s not into it and she’s the one initiating it. i’m not sayin what he said was fair but he’s probably frustrated and panickin. i’m not tellin ya to forgive him right now, but try to talk to him again when you've got yer thoughts together a bit more. it’s not fair to argue with him while yer both under a lot of pressure and emotions. i know for a fact that boy loves ya and ya know it too, ive never seen such a sappy and gross couple before whether yer like it or not this isn’t somethin yer gonna break up over.”

y/n hated to admit it but atsumu was right. maybe she had been a little unfair to pounce at oikawa straight away and hardly give him the chance to explain fully what had happened. had she been stupid enough to forget that oikawa struggles with stress and pressure and was prone to breaking down when things got to much.

a new wave of guilt washed over the girl as she closed her eyes and brought her head down to her knees.

“i feel awful now, oh my- i don't even want to imagine how he’s feeling right now fuck.”

atsumu stood up and crouched down in front of the now panicking y/n.

“look at me.”

glassy eyes stared into atsumu’s.

“we’ll try and get ya to meet him tomorrow, even if ya talk over the phone or somethin, but not tonight, it’s late and yer both need to rest yeah? i’ll stay on yer couch tonight but ya should get ready for bed and try to sleep.”

y/n thanked her lucky stars that she’d been blessed enough to have someone like miya atsumu storm into her life. 

she nodded and shuffled to her room to get ready as atsumu wandered over to the couch with a satisfied smile.

after 5 minutes, y/n came back to bid the setter a goodnight and an offer to return back to his room.

“nah, don't wanna leave ya just in case ya wake up stressed or somethin, i’ll be here i’m not going anywhere just call me if ya need me.”

y/n smiled and gave the setter a tight hug.

“thanks tsumu. you’re a lifesaver.”

“i know.”

the girl laughed slightly and pulled away before muttering one last good night to the boy who nodded and waved back smiling.

things had been rough today sure, but atsumu had managed to force her to see things from oikawa’s point of view and even take majority of the balme off of him. she was still angry sure, but things were different now. the anger totally directed towards oikawa had been redirected to herself and sakai but y/n could live with that.

the same way oikawa promised to fix things, y/n made a silent promise to herself that she too would fix things. she just had to wait for a new day to do it properly, the worst had passed all she could do now was move forward and the girl decided to take her first step that very second as she grabbed her phone.

just until i win

oikawa tooru x reader

masterlist

part 22 - empty promises

part 23 - atsumu

part 24 - online critic

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[spinster-sisters]

Sunflower. Final LTY

warnings: smut and general sexy times, also cheating so theres that

a.n: Hey guys this took 2 days to write but i will say after finishing this that consent is sexy

also this is longer than i intended

ALSO IVE SAID IT BEFORE AND ILL SAY IT AGAIN THIS WHOLE RELATIONSHIP IS FUCKED AND NOT AN EXAMPLE OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

REPOST FROM MY OLD BLOG

You are sitting on the corner of a couch in a dark hazy room, you held your knees to your chest and your head lulled onto the back of the couch.  There was music floating gently in and out of your ears, you couldn’t make out the lyrics over the soft hum of chatter in the room but you are much too drunk to care. Your body seemed too heavy to move, but once again, you didn’t mind at all. You shifted your eyes slowly around the room observing the human-shaped masses moving about the apartment or slumped into chairs like you. Normally you would feel anxious to be this vulnerable in a room this crowded, but not now. This wasn’t a “party” exactly, more of a throwback that escalated more than anyone thought it would, but still, there was nobody here who you wouldn’t call a friend. Of course, that includes him. You had always hung around in similar circles so it wasn’t surprising that he was here. But It left a sour taste in your mouth to think of the last time you came face to face.

“Fuckkkkk,” groaning you finally forced your body into a more upright position. Your body was protesting madly as the weight of gravity seemed about 10 times more powerful than average. There was a dull ache in your back as a result of the position you previously lay in so you hunched your back forward to try and work out the knots. Your eyelids were just as heavy as your head as you lifted them to scan the room more severely once more. Who were you looking for? you could have sworn that just a few seconds ago you were looking for someone. But none of the figures in front of you seemed to be what you wanted.

You didn’t have time to continue this train of thought before the fuzz in your brain lulled you back onto the couch once more. Your eyes remained open, drifting in and out of focus in one spot on the opposite side of the room. It wasn’t until one of the figures began moving your way could they seem to take in an image. Who was this guy? your drunk brain asked itself. “I think I know him,” you thought as a small pout of concentration crossed your face as the man got closer and closer. It wasn’t until he was standing directly in front of you, smiling at your clearly amusing look of confusion, that you were finally able to place his face. The pout was swapped for a drunken smile.

“Jaehyuuun!” you called slurring the final syllable of his name lifting your arms into the air. Gravity brought your arms crashing back down onto the couch beside you and you were about to push off the couch in an effort to stand up before Jaehyun placed a gentle hand on your shoulder pushing you back down.

“Don’t try,” His smile widened, “You’re just going to fall over"

You only half registered his words and were repeating them over and over in your brain trying to make some sense of them.

"you’re going to…You’re going-…You’re going tooooooo….” your mind trailed off once again

During this time Jaehyun took it upon himself to sit down next to you. The dip in the sofa through your balance through a loop and you almost toppled onto the floor again, saved only by the wild flailing of your arms in the process. As you resituated your self cross-legged on the couch facing the man, all thoughts once again seemed to leave your head once again. Your mouth hung open the slightest bit trying to regain the thoughts that occupied your head moments ago. You raked your eyes up and down the smiling man grasping at straws of thought, and for the first time, you noticed the glass situated in his left hand.  He pushed the glass twords you.

“Here I think you’ll need this to get home tonight” The kind smile still not leaving his somewhat blurry face. It was only after his words did you realize how thirsty you were and how dry your lips are. you practically lunged for the drink, grabbing it with both hands to steady yourself and taking large gulps. The water was cool and gave some relief to your spinning head as you sat back, letting the half-full glass rest lazily on your leg. Your eyes filtered around the room once again before they came to rest on him as they always seemed to do.

“Taeyong,” seemed to be the only thought your brain could hold onto at the moment.

Even in the dark and smokey room, he glowed. There was a thin sheen of sweet on his body (It was very hot in the room) but to what would have been a surprise had your drunk brain realized it, he looked remarkably sober. Your eyes drifted in and out of focus once again vaguely in the direction of him.

Jaehyun turned to follow your gaze. When he saw the target his dimples pushed themselves forward into a smile before he shook his head and turned back to you, giving your dazed face a once over then pushing himself off the couch.

You noticed his actions for the first time after this sudden movement and adjusted your head to look up at him, frowning once again. An arm (Which turned out to be yours) lifted to grasp onto the man’s arm.

“Where?” was the only thing you could slur out at the moment.

“Just to walk around” He reasoned politely with your now drooping form. His words sounded distant and foggy, but you understood them none the less and nodded exaggeratedly before releasing your grip on his forearm.

Jaehyun turned to leave, leaving you in a similar position to before he arrived. The glass that he handed you was now empty and rolling smoothly from your hand onto the carpeted floor where it landed with a soft clunk.

You sat there for what seemed like hours but was likely only a few minutes. The shapes around you moved gently as the moments ticked by. Every breath you took seemed to hum in your whole body just as slow as the minuted ticked by. Your eyes slowly shut once again, mind trailing to and from the sounds of the people, and your breathing became heavier and heavier.

“hmm” your brain though.

“I’m sleeeeeepy” you drawl in your head.

Just as your mind was about to drift into something like sleep, your body was shifted once again by the couch dipping beside you. There was a buzzing in the front of your head as your eyes forced themselves open once again.

This time you had no problem focusing on the person before you, and the sour taste you felt earlier returned as well as your pout. It was Taeyong. He was looking at you with a scrutinizing gaze. Your face blushed as the heat began building in your body, as it always did when he looked at your for too long or too hard. Taeyongs eyebrow raised slightly at your expression. He reached out a hand. His warm palm landed on your already burning cheek. Your mind was swirling once again as if you took two more shots. It continued to swirl with indistinguishable thoughts as his mouth moved to form words. It took your brain several moments to realize he was speaking to you and you only caught the tail end of his sentence.

“-doing, baby?"

Confusion spread through your features once again, making it clear you had not understood his words. Taeyong didn’t seem to mind that as he didn’t repeat his words, only allowing his hand to fall to your jean-clad knee which was still cross-legged in front of you on the couch. Its heat radiated from the spot just as it did when it was on your face. Taeyong scooched closer to you and shifted his hand to the underside of your knee to extend the leg over his lap. Your body responded without your mind by heaving the other leg to rest over him as well.

His eyes shifted forward to face the room as his fingers began swirling figure eights over your leg. His touch was soothing the furrow on your brow as you relaxed slowly from his touch, your body sinking lower and lower into the couch.

The water Jaehyun gave you earlier seemed to be allowing glimpses of clarity in your head as for the first time you realized how late it must be getting. You were beginning to lull back into your drowsy state, with the added comfort of the soft touch on your leg. But it seemed Taeyong had different plans. However slow your mind was at the moment it took you no time at all to recognize the feeling of his hand sliding up your leg. You watched the hands journey and instinctively squeezed your legs together as his hand drifted up your body leaving a buzzing trail all the way. It came to rest at the top of your thigh, where your hip met the base of your leg. Your eyes finally snapped to his own where they still looked out into the somewhat crowded room. One finger tapped on the spot, wordlessly commanding you to allow him access to your core should he so desire.

Taeyong seemed to be toying with the idea of acting farther by rubbing his hand slowly from the outside of your leg to the inside of your thigh, one finger brushing repeatedly against the seam of your jeans that ran along your hot core, which twitched every time he did so. It was clear that he could feel the reaction your body gave him, and the smirk that made its way onto his lips was evidence enough. Taeyong, though he regularly asserted his "ownership” over you by leaving dark unmistakable marks on your neck and chest and bruises on your hips from his tight grip, was usually strongly against even sitting next to you in public, much less shove his hand down your pants. The tiny sober part of your brain spoke in a quiet voice in your head.

“Do you want Taeyong to finger you in front of all your friends?” Your mind went back and forth between the two options as his hand sank lower, coming to rest securely between your now slightly pulsing heated and your thigh, rubbing his pinky slightly up and down creating friction so close to where your body wanted it. He was waiting. Waiting for you to inevitably say or do something that would allow him to continue, solidifying that he had you in his grasp once again.

It was clear the turmoil in your head was causing you a lot of distress. It was clear he made up his mind about wanting this, to do whatever he was going to do here and now. But you were still on the fence, you would normally follow his lead no questions asked and a good part of you wanted to see where this was going. But nevertheless, the sober part of your brain seemed to be growing louder and louder with each passing second, playing his last words to you over and over in your head. How many of them were true? all if it? None of it? Which did you prefer? your head swam with there questions, going back and forth to many times to count.

Finally, it was clear to you which side had won. You shook your head, clearing your thoughts. The room had finally come completely into focus, all of the noise and chatter returned to your ears. Pushing your self up with your hands you swung your legs away from him. The spot where his hand had been felt stingingly empty, but with your head now clear the only thought that occupied your head now was those moments a few nights before.

“you know what the best part is? It will fucking stay that way, cuz I know that right now you are just eating up all the attention I am giving you aren’t you, you pathetic bitch!”

You heard the small noise of surprise that escaped him as you pushed your self away from the couch. Taking the room with a new stride your located your target and moved to meet them. Jaehyun stood with a few friends talking causally. He turned to look at you when you reached the small pack where the conversation came to a pause.

“Hey, I understand if you don’t want to but I think I had a bit too much to drink and I don’t think I should go home alone, would you take me?” You asked with a plastered smile on your face. This honestly wasn’t true, you felt more awake and aware at this moment than you had in years, but walking around alone at night didn’t sound like fun. You know Jaehyun thought he was being subtle when his eyes flicked over to the man still sat on the couch, but you caught it none the less. They flicked back to you, gave you a once over, and then he smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, sure. I was going to leave anyway.” He spoke in his usual powerful yet soft voice. You had a feeling this was a lie but now was not the time.

Jaehyun was the first to move, taking a step forward, placing a hand on your lower back as he passed, and lead you through the hazy room to the exit. The two of you maneuvered through the room and around furniture before landing at the front door. Jaehyun reached out and opened the door, wide enough for the both of you to step through. In those moments that the door closed behind you, you braved one last look at Taeyong who still sat dumbfounded on the couch.

“Not so pathetic now am I,” You thought triumphantly as the door clicked shut.

———–

That night that Jaehyun walked you home, would turn into many. And as the school year drew to a close and graduation approached you found yourself in a new relationship. The first stable one you have had since high school. Jaehyun, who was once best friends with Taeyong, seemed to have no problem leaving that part of your lives behind and neither did your friends. They all saw Jaehyun as a massive improvement in both temper and manner, and you had to say you agree. You still saw Taeyong from time to time, it’s not as if you didn’t still have many friends in common, but they were rarely extended longer than a quick glance in each other’s direction. It would be a lie to say that a part of you didn’t want to run to him, but then in those moments, Jaehyun would appear in your apartment carrying take out a rented movie and those thoughts would leave as quickly as they came.

Jaehyun was just better for you, his kisses were sweeter and his eyes kinder. Enough so that on the day of your graduation it was him that earned a hardy handshake from your father and a kiss on the cheek from your mother. At that point, you had only been dating him for a few months, but he seemed perfectly content appeasing your parent’s dreams for an ideal son in law.

And that was 4 years ago. You and Jaehyun had moved to New York not long after the end of your time in college, both of you only briefly spending the summer with your parents and saying your last goodbyes to your childhood homes. You don’t know why you choose to stay with Jaehyun during this time, but it leads you to your perfectly content life you have here today. You are now 26, engaged to the man who took you home those years ago, living in a decently sized apartment in a nice neighborhood, with a good job you have held for the past 2 years, and everything in your life was perfectly content.

Jaehyun had proposed earlier that year at the restaurant you went on your first night in New York, and though no plans have been made as of yet it has not stopped your mother from absolutely gushing over the two of you calling constantly to check up on “any possible new developments” As it happens, your parents love Jaehyun just as much as the day they met him face to face. Your heart warmed when you thought of your life, a wonderful man, a good job and a promising future in both. Job is best summarized as a traveling salesman for a larger company in the city. You spent the majority of your time at the office, making calls and setting up meetings with clients, but about 2 weekends a month you would fly out to a different part of the world to meet up with your clients and make sales. It really was the perfect job for you, as it rarely ever went wrong.

Accept for today, however. You had missed your initial arranged flight in business class and had to pay out of pocket to reach your destination in the least comfortable and most noisy part of the plane, and as your flight was to pairs, it wasn’t exactly a short ride. After arriving, very jetlagged and in need of a nice bed, your luggage was lost at the airport and you had to stay well into the night trying to find your things. After finally giving up on the search you made your way to the hotel, only to find that this particular hotel did not allow guests t check-in past 11 pm. (A stupid rule honestly) and you would have to wait till morning. With your phone on its last few percentages, and stranded in a foreign city you staggard your way into a small cramped bar at the end of a street, planning on finding a place to charge your phone enough to find a cheap motel for the night.

Your bones cracked as you landed yourself in a barstool and the end of the bar. the only things you had with you were the items in your carry on and a note from the front desk of the hotel on when to arrive the next morning to check-in. The cushion of the seat was soft and plushy but it did nothing to soothe the aching in your body. You cant speak french, so when the bartender approached you, you only gestured vaguely to the now-dead phone in your hands. It seems the round looking old man understood as pointed to an outlet at the end of the bar.

All of the stools around you were empty, so you felt comfortable enough to put your bag down to plug in your phone. It was after you saw your phone flash a blue blinking light did you allow yourself to relax onto the bar.  Yours propped your head up with your hand to look around the room. It was nice enough, seemed clean and no one looked suspicious. But despite these things you could help but feel restless. You continued to shift in your seat and glance around the room.

Soon the tinkling of the bell that signified the arrival of a new customer sounded. You looked up at the sound, but the figure who entered could not be seen through the small crowd of older men sitting by the door.  Your eyes drooped slightly and closed, finally feeling the weight of the day. A few seconds passed before a hand landed on yours.

Your eyes flung open as you yanked your hand away. After the initial shock, you looked to where your hand once lay, where the new one still sat waiting. The hand was eerily familiar.

No, there was no way.

Your eyes quickly followed the slope of the arm, up to the face that only visited you in your most private thoughts.

Taeyong stood before you.

He kept his eyes on your own as he lowered himself onto the stool next to you. His eyes bore into you, in the same way, they had before, and with the same intensity, they never seemed to shed. You still sat rigid in your seat, mouth hanging open slightly in surprise. Your eyes broke the stare when the flicked over to your phone that was still charging on the wooden bar. Your first reaction was to call Jaehyun, but your brain stopped itself before making the move. He would be asleep anyway. You looked back to Taeyong and allowed yourself to really see him for the first time.

It was his smell that hit you first and filled the air around you, and it clouded your other senses just as it always had done. He wasn’t the tallest man in the world, yet his commanding presence allowed him to loom over everyone no matter their height. It briefly occurred to you that you could just get up and leave, but it was this same domineering energy that enticed you to stay rooted in your seat. He was dressed nice, in a crisp button-down and slacks, and his hair was styled neatly to the side allowing his whole face to be visible in the dim lighting of the bar. And he glowed just as radiantly as always.

Whatever intensity that you were using to study his face, he was returning to you with equal vigor as his eyes raked down your figure several times.

Finally, he was the first to speak.

“How are you” he spoke, much more casually than the situation required. He turned to face the bartender and waved him down.

“Umm, Ok?” You forced out much too long after he asked the question.

“Good, good. I'mdoing well myself."

Taeyongs voice sounded like you were old friends catching up at a weekly brunch, and quite frankly it pissed you off. Who was he to sit down and act like you hadn’t seen him in years or that the memories were good ones?  You turned in your seat to face him with your whole body, one hand still plastered on the hardwood. You sat up a bit straighter.

"Wait a minute, hold on- what exactly are you doing?-” The words built-in force and volume as you continued. Taeyong, who never had any trouble reading you, placed a feather-light hand on your once again. Your hand twitched in response but did not pull away. You could feel the familiar heat he gave you start to burn in the places where his hand made contact. And yes, he succeeded in quieting you.

The bartender approached, spoke a few words in french to Taeyong, and to your great surprise Taeyong responded in french as well. Though you don’t know exactly what was said, it was easy to guess as the older man moved to begin making whatever Taeyong had ordered. He now turned his attention back to you and raised an eyebrow, encouraging you to continue.

And after a moment you followed the instruction. You took a deep breath and spoke,

“How are you here right now?” seemed to be the best way to phrase your confusion.

“I live here now,” He said plainly, as it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“How?” was what you went with next.

“Well, after graduation I got an internship at a global bank. After 3 years, they needed someone in Paris, so I came. And here I have been for the past year.” once again far too casual for your liking. you thought of asking what he was doing in this particular bar on this particular night before it occurred to you that bankers often worked strange hours.

“So you have been living in Paris for a year? And I am just now hearing about this?"

"Did you want to know?"

His words were heavy. Much heavier than their initial meaning, and he looked at you with a kind of genuine curiosity you had never seen in him before. The honest answer was kind of. At the beginning of your time in New York, you would often find your self wondering what became of Taeyong. You still spoke to many of the old friends you made in college and had subtly expressed this interest to those closest to you. You almost expected them to tell you if anything big happened to the man. Nevertheless, you shook your head no.

He gave you a look that simply said "You can’t lie to me” but he didn’t push the subject any further.

“So what have you been doing?” He asked back in his casual tone, taking a sip of one of the drinks the bartender had just places in front of the two of you. You were in no way here to get drunk but decided to sip on the drink nevertheless.  You stared straight forward, placing both hands on the bar as you responded.

“Um, working mostly. Here on business, you know?” You tried speaking in the same casual tone, but it sounded much to forced to be genuine.

“Right,” He responded. It sounded somewhat distracted. Out of curiosity you looked back at him and found him staring intently at your left hand, or at the ring would be a better way to put it. You don’t know why but you felt slightly embarrassed. You flushed a little and shifted your hand away from his gaze.  He seemed to finally realize he was staring and looked up to meet your eyes.

“So you are-"

"engaged, yeah”  It felt extremely wrong to let him say that word, so you beat him to it. He arches an eyebrow inquisitively and asked.

“To?”

You didn’t want to admit it. Your life in New York seemed so far away right now and the last thing you wanted was for Taeyong to be aware of it. Your head dropped to stare at the wood grain as you responded.

“Uhh, Jaehyun” You didn’t know what to expect from his reaction, so you spoke hesitantly and barely above a whisper.

“Ah”

There was a flash of something dark in his eyes, and for a second he looked much more like the man you knew back in college. But he did not seem to want to speak about it anymore. Instead, he took another deeper drink, and you followed suit. The two of you sat in a tension-filled silence for several minutes. The hum of noise from the bar patrons was not enough to drown off the thoughts racing through your head. You glanced up at Taeyong for a moment. He looked deep in thought, and it was this that made you noticed how different he was. He looked fuller, his eyes and cheeks looked less sunken in and his body a tad bit more toned than he was before, and most of all his glow was different. Before it was a red haze that made your heart race, and now it was a golden glow that stoped all thoughts. These differences would have been indistinguishable to the untrained eye, but you, who had spent so long gushing over every inch of him could spot them clear as day. You probably knew his face better then he knew it himself.

It was here that it occurred to you that you were likely a bit different as well, in what ways you did not know, but you had a suspicion he could point them out. Taeyong moved to speak and was only able to get the first few words out.

“Look, I-” The tone of his voice was enough to tell you what he was going to say, and it was too unlike him for your liking

“Taeyong please don’t apologize” You could explain why but you wanted those memories of him to be intact, and if he apologized it would change the way you saw those moments together. He looked taken aback but pressed on.

“I just want you to know, that you meant more to me back then than you will probably ever know.” He took another drink and looked straight ahead. You found this to be a hard revelation to follow.

“Funny way of showing it” you murmured more to yourself than to him. But he heard you nonetheless and followed up his previous words.

“I am aware that I was awful, and you won’t catch me making excuses for the way I acted. I was selfish and cruel to everyone in my life. I always wanted more than I had, even if I couldn’t stand the idea of losing something. I guess the best way to put it is that I wanted you to need me but I didn’t want to need you.”

His words were genuine, that you could tell. But you didn’t know if they made you feel any better. All they seemed to do was prove that you weren’t enough for him. This seemed to show on your face, and Taeyong was oh so good and reading you. He did not speak, he just reached out and grabbed your hand tightly. His warm fingers burned in comparison to the cold metal of your ring. But you could only seem to focus on the heat. His hand firmly grounded you in your place when your head felt like you were going to float away.

After a few more moments he lifted his hand just enough to gently circle his fingers over the back of your hand. The action felt so familiar. He always had a habit of “Petting” your, whether it is your hand or your face. You suppose this just proves he isn’t that different from back then after all. The things he did that made your heart ache for him remained the same.

His hand began ghosting it was up your arm, leaving a gentle buzz wherever he touched. Your heart fluttered, which it hasn’t done in a long time. Fuck. Why is it that he still had this power over you, even when he wasn’t trying. It wasn’t fair. You had always known that he would always have a place in your heart. But you never knew how large of a part it was until his hand moved onto your back rubbing it in circles. You leaned into his touch.

With his other hand, he finished the rest of his drink.

“Shouldn’t you be getting some sleep?” He asked, finally addressing how late it was.

“My hotel won’t let me check-in.” You replied distantly feeling the tickle of his hand. He looked conflicted for a moment then spoke.

“You can stay at my apartment for the night if you would like.”

You both knew what would happen if you said yes. There was no way it wouldn’t. You thought of Jaehyun, and how good he had been to you, and how he would feel if he knew that you had even seen Taeyong. You mulled it over for several minutes. But the soothing hand on your back somehow pushed all thoughts of your fiance from your mind.

Finally, you took one last swig from your drink.

“I would like that."

——-

it did not take long after that. Taeyong paid for the drinks, insisting after you pulled out your wallet. The two of you exited the bar, hand in hand which felt a tab bit too natural.

When you arrived in the apartment (a verrry nice apartment) there was very little pretending. You removed your shoes as he had done and waited for his command. At this point, you had submitted to the idea of needing him. He just filled you with a desire that no one else could. Taeyong reattached your hands and lead you over his shoulder, through the dark rooms. Every step forward left you with more and more anticipation, you needed this so much.

The door to his bedroom was pushed open. It was large and elegant. Beautiful furnishing and a soft glow emanated from the lamp next to his bed.  But you weren’t paying much attention to the room, instead, you were watching him. From the view of his back, you could tell just how much he wanted this too. He released your hand and continued to walk forward, rolling his shoulders as he did so. He is so beautiful, even when you couldn’t see his face. you felt a magnetic pull to him, leading your next actions. Taeyong moved onto his bed, he situated himself on in the middle, his back resting on the headboard. He looked at you so intently, so expectantly, as though he could see right through your clothes. Which, you had to remind yourself, he had seen you completely bare before, many times.

"Will you strip for me, baby?” He phrased it like a question, though there was no doubt you would do it. The only nickname was enough to bring your to your knees, but you stayed standing. He didn’t tell you to kneel. The first layer to come off was your sweater, which concealed the thin shirt you had on underneath. Next was the shirt itself which you did not hesitate to pull over your head.  You suddenly thought of the tattoo on your ribs, the one that had angered him so much before. Your breath hitched, not wanting him to leave you again. But he showed no sign of anger. Instead, his desire only grew in his eyes.

The bra you chose for the day was nothing special, just a plain pink color, but he looked at you like you are the only thing in the world. His eyes were hungry and needy, willing you to move faster. But his actions did not betray his composure, but you could see the outline of his dick starting to strain itself against his slacks. And if your brain was functioning properly you would have noticed how your mouth watered.  

“keep going Baby, its been so long since I’ve seen your body.” He cooed at you.

You unbuckled your pants and slid them down your legs and stepped out of them. You were dangerously close to throwing yourself at him but more than anything you wanted to obey. You unclasped your bra and let it fall to the floor. Your naked chest was now bare. The cold air nipped at your skin, causing your nipples to harden. You blushed a little dusting of pink, that only burned brighter at his next words.

“I wanna see your pussy baby” He remained, growing somewhat impatient. The words caused heat to flood to your core making it wetter and stickier than before. You hooked your finger into the waistband of your panties and pulled them down. His smirk grew into a wild smile and the sight of arousal glistening on your heat.  Taeyong used his finger to motion you onto the bed and you followed quickly. Your body was burning with both slight embarrassment and desire, but with your ruined panties still hanging from your finger you clambered onto the bed. You kneeled in front of his relaxed fully dressed figure. And though he was situated below you, you felt so small as his eyes raked up and down your body. His wicked smile never left his face as he reached out and took the soaked pink panties from your hand. He held them tightly in his hand and motioned you to straddle his waist. Which you did obediently. Your pussy was now resting directly on the tent in his slacks dampening the fabric. He groaned out slightly at the feeling.

“Your so wet Baby, your dripping on me. Who made you this wet baby.” He spoke in a coddling voice, as his hands came to rest on your naked hips, swirling from there down to your ass, giving it a tight squeeze before trailing back to their original position, never letting go of your panties. You squeaked in response to the invading touch.

“Baby, that’s not an answer”

“It’s you,” you said in a small voice.

“Speak up baby, I can hear you” He teased. Rolling his sinful hips into yours. The rough surface of his pants rubbed against your clit and you nearly choked.

“It’s you Taeyong” you spoke with a little more force. This seemed to appease him.

“That’s right, me, not anyone else.” He spoke definitively. You knew what he meant. He was referring to Jaehyun, who is likely just waking up to go to work about now.

His words were eerily familiar. Your mind flashed back to the night when he first saw your tattoo and the screaming match that took place. He had spoken to you the same way. Possessive, reminding you who had all of your desire, who could make you feel better than anyone else and how much you needed him.

But you didn’t have time to think about that because Taeyong attached himself to your lips with his own pillowy ones. The sensation of kissing Taeyong was just as intoxicating as it always had been. He took the lead and pried open your mouth with his tongue. His hands firmed their grip on your waist, and the wet spot from your panties felt sticky against your side. His tongue slipped it’s way inside your mouth, exploring it in the way he had always done before. He even tasted the same.

Your mind was going cloudy as your mouths moved in sync. Just as you had found your rhythm Taeyong broke the kiss. He practically threw you onto your back and move to loom over you. You yelped loudly in surprise, but once again he did not give you time to react before folding your legs to your chest and holding them in place. His entire attention was focused on your glistening pussy, raking his eyes over it over and over again. He leaned back only long enough to set your panties down at the top of the bed, before returning to the previous position. Using one had to keep your legs in place he used the other to brush over the sticky surface, which twitches at the touch.

“Aw, baby, look how pretty your little cunt is.” He remarked before sliding his middle finger into your hole. You moaned loudly, not expecting the feeling of being entered so soon. The juices from your arousal eased his way as he pumped the finger in and out.

“Still so tight to, when was the last time anyone fucked your right?” He asked, but did not expect an answer through the moans as he dived into your core, his tongue finding its purchase on your swollen clit. You squirmed violently in his grip, keening and mewling all the while.

“Too long apparently” He mused coming away from your cunt just long enough to say the words, before diving back in swirling his tongue around your folds, his finger still pumping quickly letting more juices flow. In those brief moments, you could see his face, it was already dripping with your arousal making his lips look plumper than before if possible.

He continued the ministration with intensity, adding another finger into your hole, and occasionally nibbling slightly at your flesh. You practically screaming yourself hoarse as time went on. You were so aroused you could feel the juice the wasn’t lapped up by Taeyongs Tounge drip onto the bedcovers below you.

’“You’re making such a mess” He growled into your core. The vibrations from his words traveled into and up your body, causing you to latch your hands into his hair. Without breaking his stride Taeyong momentarily released your legs only long enough to detach your hands from his hair and hold them by the wrist together, then using the same arm hold your legs back in position.  The slight discomfort was nothing compared to the burning in your tummy, which was knotting itself tightly waiting to come undone.

“Tae-” you were going to inform him in your now hoarse voice that you were going to cum any minute, however, he beat you to the punch once again.

“Trust me, baby, I know"

of course, he did.

Your movements were now much more restricted but you could only writhe when he pushed a third long finger into you stretching the limits of your cunt. He continued to suck on your bud harshly, but it was the feeling of the three fingers moving inside you at a deliberate pace, pushing against your walls oh so deliciously that caused the knot in your stomach to snap.  You came hard, your entire body convulsed as Taeyongs finger pumped you through the feeling, drawing out the waves of pleasure radiating from your pussy. Your eyes squeezed shut as you cried out in a broken voice.

To soon the feeling passed. You lay there damn near lifeless, but that didn’t stop Taeyong from lapping up all of the arousal from your cunt, which twitched in sensitivity every time his tongue made contact. You involuntarily moved away from his mouth, but he wouldn’t let you move until he had lapped up every last drop. Finally, he gave you the relief of moving away. The tightness you had been holding finally releasing. You opened your eyes just enough to see him lean back on his heels and slip each glistening finger into his mouth, one by one, and suck them clean. You burned with embarrassment and tried to hide your face, but you had nowhere to hide with your hands still being restricted. Finally, he looked directly into your flushed face and gave you a lopsided smile, his face still covered in a sticky gleam.

"Sorry baby, you just taste so good.”

After his words, he finally released you from his arms. Your legs were a little sore, but you couldn’t care less. You were exhausted enough to fall asleep where you lay, but of course, Taeyong wouldn’t allow that.

Finally, Taeyong unbuttoned his shirt and threw it away. You were so transfixed by him. He was just so god damn beautiful and looked radiant in the dim light. You were so busy staring you barely noticed him undo his pants and pull his dick out his boxers. It looked painfully hard and red, and you moved to sit up to take it in your hand, but you were pushed back down.  Taeyong pumped his dick a few times, spreading the precum down his length making it shine.

“Ah, ah, ah Baby. No time for that, I need to remind you how it feels to be fuck by someone who knows what they are doing.” The subtle jab did not go unnoticed. But fuck if you thought about it for more than a second with the anticipation of being filled up, rose in you once again.  Taeyong pushed your legs up once again, and though your joints protested you did not.

He gave his dick one more pump, before leaning over you and lining himself up with your entrance. He leaned especially close into your ear, speaking into the shell of it and whispered.

“Do you want me, Baby? Want me to fuck you like you deserve"

The words flooded your aching heat with arousal once again.

"Yes please, fill me up Tae, please” the last word came out more like a whisper than anything, but he heard you nonetheless. And he did not need to be told twice. In one powerful thrust, he pushed all the way into you. You didn’t have to voice to cry out but instead released a sicking mewl.

“Fuck” was the only thing that came out of his mouth before he pulled out and repeated the action. Slowly he built up a steady pace. It was not as fast or rough as you expected, but more of a steady deep movement, but it left you breathless nonetheless. Every single movement stretched your walls, and you would feel every inch of him moving in and out. It was blissful. You could have stayed like that forever. But the need for release was growing in you with every thrust. It seemed like Taeyong agreed, picking up the pace and angling himself to hit the special spot inside you with every thrust.

Now you were keening with every thrust, releasing a whimper every time. in your current position, you couldn’t move to meet his thrust but you could wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer, which he didn’t seem to mind. The weight of his body was heavy on yours, and you could feel the muscles in his shoulders tighten beneath your fingers.

“aw, baby, you feel so fucking good. You like the way I fuck you?” he asked in your ear. You only moaned in response, trying your hardest to stay composed. but that didn’t last long when Taeyongs hand came down to rub circles into your swollen and abused clit. It hurt, but in such a pleasurable way. You threw your head back.

“You gonna cum already baby?” he asked, the rasp you recognized so well returning to his voice.

“yes,  gonna cum…..” was all that you could force out. Your stomach was clenched so tight you felt like your pussy was trying to keep his cock inside you. You felt so good and full.

“Its ok baby, you can cum” He punctuated his statement with a particularly hard thrust that reached deep inside you.

And not long after you felt yourself unravel for a second time, only this time it lasted much longer. The waves of pleasure didn’t stop coming as he milked the feeling of your walls clenching and pulsing around him. His cock was throbbing too, just as much as your walls.

“Aw, baby you feel- feel so fucking good"

those were his last words before releasing inside you. You could feel the oversensitivity seeping in and you could hear the cum squelching out of you as he rode out his own orgasm before pulling out.

You both lay there panting for a bit, holding onto the moments before one of you would move. This time you did it first, pushing yourself up onto your arms and looking at the heavenly sweat coated man laying on top of you. Taeyong took one last deep breath before pushing himself up as well. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on your temple before speaking.

"let’s get cleaned up.”

The drew you a bath and helped relaxed your aching body. When you were clean it was him that dressed you in your discarded shirt on the floor.

That night you fell asleep in his bed, with his naked back pressed firmly against yours, and his arms wrapped tightly around your body.

In the morning you awoke to the sound of birds chirping outside the window. You heard his gentle breathing in your ear, still, sound asleep. The clock on the nightstand read 7:24. You were expected to check into your hotel in an hour. You looked down at yourself as you sat up. The ring on your finger glinted mockingly, sighing you got to your feet. You would rather not be here for the inevitable conversation when he wakes up.

You moved quickly around the room, gathering your things and dressing yourself fully. There was one problem, you couldn’t find your underwear. After searching for a few more minutes and a scare from Taeyongs stirring you gave up on the idea of getting them back and left.

Going back to the life that you turned your back on that night.