#so kept it kinda like u would talk abt a person u recently met and liked

[acemenagerie-a]

👄 + oliver for elias i'm Curious

Talk About ‘Em || ACCEPTING @auspicium

Elias runs his hand through his hair.  “Honestly?  Of all the people I could have as the one person I can communicate with while being super possessed, think I lucked out.  I may be shallow, but he’s not exactly bad to look at and has not tried to steal my dream eyeballs, so, yeah, all things considered, I think I’ve really lucked out in the ‘who you get to talk to while possessed’ lottery.  Dreamscape’s a little bleak for my taste, but beggars can��t be choosers, yeah?”

[zhuhongs]

OKAY SO since im slightly more awake. to elaborate on the friend of a friend i met that was 😳😳.

so my friend ale had been telling me she had this friend she thought id get along with for like two years now but they live in sf and rarely come down to visit so ive heard many stories abt this person and i was supposed to meet them on monday but i was busy. so we meet yesterday and immediately i was like... oh hi ur hot and totally my type. like art hoe of color, many tattoos, rlly nice voice just. ok... type. and i was immediately trying NOT to stare bc im not a gay disaster. im not. im cool and disinterested 💚💚 but we were easily hitting it off making fun of my friend for sympathizing with her capitalist anti vax sister and such. i noticed she kept eyeing my gay water bottle with stickers. so time comes for us to take separate cars to go play lazer tag bc there was nine of us so immediately they were like. i want to go with sage! and i was like.. oho? im desireable?? but it was good. they asked abt my keychain bc they recognized my love live charm and we talked abt manga and how i wanna read wha and blue period and theyve read it and told me what bookstores near by have it. and it was. An Experience. and then we talked abt art and media and like the immigrant experience and being an artist of color and it was rlly nice. theyre a film major and one of my friends friends that was there is obsessed with marvel and horrible cheesy white media and shes the Only person ill ignore their bad taste for bc shes brown and smart otherwise but like. there were moments where shed talk abt disney or marvel or harry styles and me and the other person just like... exchanged a Knowing glance gjdjcjdjs.

HOWEVER i let them choose the music on the way back they put on marina, lorde, and halsey. like u were just telling me how much you hate white media but all u listen to are white people. oh and token sunmi but they are a poc and like recently immigrated to the us so like. its allowed but that was SO FUNNY. also kept vaping and coughing in my car which they asked permission first and i dont mind it but like it was just funny like..... LMAO. theyre still hot tho...would hundred percent makeout with them for funsies. would never date them bc i could Not handle that. had a good time tho!! there was a point where we got to our next stop early bc my other friend drives rlly slow so we went for smoothies and we like the exact same things from there. it was so funny. we also were wearing v similar clothes... like.. the only difference was i had on a button up and they had on a crop top jfjfjd. Also their haircut was like. almost the exact kinda cut i wanna get so like gkdjsjd gay ppl are All The Same. but yea we talked abt art and stuff and exchanged instagrams and our own art and they were like. 'omg i wish we met earlier. id love to go to musuems with u and talk abt the art. u should come visit me in norcal"... and like. hell yea. id love to fuck off during fall break to san Francisco with a bunch of art hoes i barely know ✌🏽 Although idk. i have this thing were like. i suit my personality for others where i like what other ppl like bc i know a lot of things but like i never truly show them what im rlly into. like they asked me abt music and i told them like the bands im rlly into but didnt rlly elaborate more. but anyways. 10/10 time. id makeout with that art hoe and ghost them immediately just for the experience which is toxic but good thing is they leave for college tmrw so nothing will happen but that sure was a NIGHT. uhm in summary in Summation:

[nostallgias]

        ☆ . * (  kristine  froseth,  cis  female,  she  /  her  )  hey,  look  !!   indigo  ‘indie’  dahl  aka  @nostalgias  is  online  and  ready  to  write  another  anonymous  post  on  the  broken  hearts  club.  rumor  has  it  they’re  here  because  she  ran  away  from  her  hometown  to  escape  her  family  and  ex  lover.  out  in  the  real  world  she  is  a  musician  /  bartender.  the  22  year  old  is  known  for  being  flighty  &  impetuous  but  make  up  for  it  by  being  vivacious  &  determined.  if  they  were  to  describe  themselves  they’d  say  they’re  chipped  nail  polish,  lipstick  stains  on  cigarettes,  driving  with  the  window  down  and  their  favorite  song  is  gold  dust  woman  by  fleetwood  mac.

        hello  everyone,  i’m  so  happy  2  b  in  this  rp   !!!   my  name  is  diana,  i’m  twenty  yrs  old,  a  libra,  and  reside  in  the  est  timezone.  some  quick  facts  abt  me  ...  i  am  a  girl  group  stan  and  lana  del  rey  enthusiast.  i  also  luv  cats.  anyway,  enough  abt  me,  u  can  learn  abt  my  muse  indigo  under  the  cut   !!!   my  discord  is   missing blackpink hours#5522  so  pls  hit  me  up  there  or  in  the  im’s  for  plots   !!   i  cannot  wait  to  get  started  <3   tw:  briefly  mentions  alcoholism  &  drugs

☆ . *   𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔    !

full  name :  indigo  dahl

nickname(s)  :  indie

zodiac  :  sagittarius  sun,  gemini  moon   (  click  )

sexuality  :  bisexual

alignment  :  chaotic  good

pinterest  :  click

☆ . *   𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅    !

indie  grew  up  in  a  small  town  where  everyone  knows  everyone.  she  was  restless  and  curious,  but  there  wasn’t  much  to  do  in  a  town  that  small

her  parents  were  really  big  on  music,  so  there  was  always  something  playing  in  the  household.  it’s  safe  to  say  music  took  over  her  life.  she  started  to  learn  guitar,  then  later  bass

but  sadly  her  dad  left  them  when  she  was  still  young.  she  wanted  him  to  take  her  with  him,  so  she  could  finally  get  out  of  that  stupid  town,  but  he  left  her  with  her  mother  and  never  looked  back  :/

indie  and  her  mom  didn’t  get  along  too  well.  she  basically  planned  indie’s  entire  life  out,  down  to  who  she  should  marry.  after  her  father  left  them,  her  mom  wasn’t  rly  able  to  cope  with  it  too  well  and  she  kinda  turned  to  drinking,  and  the  music  that  was  always  playing  stopped  :(

indie  spent  her  middle  and  high  school  years  taking  care  of  her  mom,  who  was  too  drunk  to  function  at  all  times.  she  couldn’t  keep  a  job,  which,  was  fine  at  first  because  indie’s  grandparents  (  her  mother’s  parents  )  were  fairly  well  off,  and  they  could  live  off  of  them

that  was  until  her  grandparent’s  cut  them  off  after  finally noticing  their  daughter  was  an  alcoholic.  so,  they  were  pretty  much  left  with  no  source  of  income

indie  started  working  as  soon  as  she  was  old  enough.  she  worked  two  jobs  in  high school,  which  didn’t  leave  her  much  time  to  focus  on  school.  she  never  cared  for  school  anyway,  her  focus  was  always  music,  but  she  didn’t  even  have  much  time  for  that  anymore

her  mother  seemed  to  have  a  new  boyfriend  every  week,  men  who  always  acted  like  they  were  here  to  say.  all  of  them  tried  to  control  indie,  but  she  resented  every  single  one  of  them.  she  could  see through  the  lies

she  spent  most  of  her  time  away  from  home,  she  didn’t  even  like  sleeping  there.  it  didn’t  feel  like  home  anymore,  and  it  hadn’t  for  a  long  time

one  day,  one  of  her  mother’s  boyfriends  actually  stuck  around.  indie  just  kept  waiting  and  waiting  for  the  day  he’d  leave,  but  he  never  did.  her  mother  remarried

after  remarrying,  her  mother  kinda  got  her  life  back  on  track  again.  she  immediately  went  back  to  trying  to  control  indie  again.  indie  absolutely  hated  it,  but  she  was  happy  to  see  her  mother  in  a  good  place  again,  so  she  tried  to  fit  the  mold  

indie  barely  graduated  high  school  and  never  went  to  college.  she  continued  working  for  the  next  few  years,  saving  up  money  and  working  on  music

she  started  dating  the  guy  her  mother  chose  for  her.  it  was  okay  at  first,  but  the  spark  was  always  missing.  the  longer  she  was  with  him  though,  she  began  to  realize  that  he  wanted  to  stay  in  that  stupid  little  town  forever,  and  the  idea  of  spending  the  rest  of  her  life  there  terrified  her  so  much  she  decided  to  runaway

so,  she  packed  all  her  things  and  ran  away  in  the  middle  of  the  night.  she  drove  through  the  night  to  find  her  father,  but  when  she  found  him,  she  learned  he  had  remarried  and  started  a  new  family

deep  down,  she  always  knew  he  didn’t  want  her,  otherwise  he  would’ve  made  an  effort  over  the  years.  but  she  really  had  to  see  it  to  believe  it

and  that’s  how  she  found  her  way  to  chicago.  she  never  told  her  mother  where  she  went,  but  she  knew  she  was  looking  for  her  and  so  was  her  ex

her  grandparent’s  send  her  money  every  once  in  a  while,  and  although  they  aren’t  close,  they  understand  why  she  ran  away  and  want  her  to  have  the  chance  to  start  fresh

she  stumbled  across  the  forum  one  day  and  decided  to  join  it,  because  she  was  starting  to  feel  a  little  lost  and  it  has  helped  her  a  lot

☆ . *   𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚    !

indie  is  extremely  extroverted.  she  is  a  social  butterfly  and  will  befriend  literally  anyone.  the  tricky  part  is  getting  close  to  her,  though.  she  tends  to  keep  her  emotions  to  herself.  she  presents  a  version  of  herself  to  the  world,  one  who  is  always  happy  and  alive  because  she  thinks  that’s  the  only  version  of  her  that  people  will  like

she  has  such  a  curious  soul  !!  all  she  wants  to  do  is  explore  and  experience  new  things,  so  she’s  always  down  for  an  adventure.  she  loves  a  good  party  because  she  loves  to  be  around  people.  she’s  a  social  drinker  and  drug  user  (  except  for  weed,  which  she  smokes  a  lot  )

indie  doesn’t  have  any  idea  about  what  love  is,  but  she  knows  she  wants  it.  she  wants  a  great,  interesting,  devoted  love,  but  is  having  trouble  finding  it.  so  she  tends  to  have  a  lot  of  lovers,  but  they  mostly  end  up  being  casual.  she  gets  bored  easily,  so  if  it  isn’t  exciting  at  all  times,  she  kinda  dips  akjsdhsdjhk  it’s  her  fear  of  abandonment  

she  is  obsessed  with  the  70′s,  from  the  music  to  the  aesthetics.  stevie  nicks  is  her  inspiration.  she  loves  music  of  all  eras,  though.  she  loves  thrifting,  and  her  style  is  heavily  influenced  by  70′s  fashion

she  can  be  pretty  spontaneous,  but  also  reckless.  she  wants  everything  in  life  to  be  an  adventure,  so  it  has  gotten  her  into  trouble  in  the  past

hates  authority  figures,  literally  she  has  so  much  trouble  with  respecting  authority  now  because  she  feels  like  she  wasted  her  entire  life  doing  that  for  people  who  didn’t  respect  her

has  a  hard  time  taking  things  seriously,  except  for  music  because  that  is  her  entire  life

☆ . *   𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔    !

party  buddies  -  they  always  go  to  parties  together.  maybe  they  don’t  see  each  other  outside  of  parties,  maybe  they  met  at  a  party  and  became  close  friends  afterwards

drinking  /  smoking  buddies  -  someone  she  can  drink  or  smoke  with.  maybe  they  have  a  more  casual  friendship,  but  anytime  they  hang  out,  they  share  some  interesting  conversations

confidant  - someone  who  confides  in  her  or  someone  she  confides  in,  or  they  confide  in  each  other.  they  don’t  necessarily  have  to  be  the  closest  friends  ever,  but  they  get  along,  trust  each  other,  and  maybe  they  talk  more  in  private

frenemies  - they’re  friends,  but  maybe  they’re  always  trying  to  one  up  each  other.  they  might  gossip  behind  each  other’s  backs.  sometimes  they  get  along  perfectly  well,  but  maybe  sometimes  they  get  into  stupid  fights

protective  friends  - friends  who  feel  extremely  protective  over  one  another.  indie  will  literally  fight  anyone  who  hurts  them

sibling-like  friendship  - indie  is  an  only  child,  so  i  would  love  for  her  to  have  someone  she  sees  like  a  sibling.  they’re  there  for  each  other,  look  out  for  one  another  and  always  have  each  other’s  backs

dynamic  duo  /  best  friend  - ride  or  dies.  platonic  soulmates   !! this  person  is  probably  the  closest  friend  she  has  and  actually  knows  her  well  !   a  power  duo

partner  in  crime  -  someone  who  always  goes   along  with  her  antics.  someone  who  she  bounces  off  of  and  they  do  dumb  /  fun  shit  together   !!!   her  adventure  buddy

online  friends  -  her  favorite  person  on  the  forum.  she  is  always  interacting  with  them  and  is  literally  always  the  first  to  comment  on  their  posts  or  something.  maybe  they  confide  in  each  other

bandmates  -  if  your  muse  sings,  plays  guitar,  bass,  drums  or  keyboard,  they  can  be  in  a  band !!!  indie  plays  guitar,  bass,  and  also  sings  so  she  can  do whichever  of  these  is  needed  !!  she  also  likes  to  compose  music,  but  with  bandmates  they  will  collaborate  and  make  stuff  together  of  course

groupie  love  -  i  didn’t  know  what  to  call  this  plot  so  pls  ignore  the  name,  i  went  for  a  lana  del  rey  song  title aksdhsdjkh  but  basically  maybe  ur  muse  was  there  at  one  of  the  little  gigs  she  played  and  they  became  acquainted  after  that  !!!  this  can  be  romantic  or  platonic,  we  can  plot  it  however.  but  maybe  they  keep  going  to  her  shows  and  she’s  always  happy  to  see  them

flirtationship  - they  flirt  constantly,  but  nothing  serious  has  come  out  of  their  flirting.  maybe  they  have  good  chemistry,  but  haven’t  really  tried  to  explore  it  further

ex-fling  - maybe  they  ended  things  more  recently,  or  maybe  they  ended  things a  few  months  or  a  year  ago.  they  could  have  ended  on  good  or  bad  terms.  maybe  someone  or  both  of  them  still  have  feelings,  or  maybe  they’re  just  friends  or  don’t  talk  now

current fling  /  friends  w  benefits  - someone  she  is  currently  seeing.  could  be  no  strings  attached,  or  there  could  b  some  feelings  there.  maybe  they  don’t  want  to  make  it  anything  serious,  or  maybe  they’re  ready  to  take  it  to  the  next  level.  maybe  one  person  is  ready  to  go  further,  and  the  other  isn’t

requited  /  unrequited  crush  - maybe  she  has  a  crush  on  ur  muse,  whether  it’s  a  deep  crush  or  a  more  surface  level  crush.  OR  ur  muse  could  have  a  crush  on  her  and  maybe  she’s  oblivious  to  it  !!!   maybe  our  muses  have  crushes  on  each  other   !!!  maybe  it  isn’t  super  serious,  or  maybe  it  is

will  they,  won’t  they  - there’s  feelings  between  them,  but  they  haven’t  made  the  plunge  to  pursue  whatever  they  have.  longing,  yearning,  lingering  glances

take  care  -  someone  who  looks  after  her  when  she  parties  a  little  too  hard   !!!   someone  she  trusts  who  keeps  her  out  of  trouble  when  she’s  under  the  influence  and  feeling  too  reckless  for  her  own  good

enemies  w/  benefits  -  there  was  always  underlying  tension  between  them,  even though  they  couldn’t  really  stand  each  other.  maybe  they  hooked  up  at  a  party  and  now,  despite  their  personal  feelings  towards  each  other,  they  still  continue  to  hook  up

cyber  sex  -  once  again,  i  didnt  kno  what  to  title  this  so  i  went  for  a  doja  cat  song AJKSDSJKH  but  basically  someone  on  the  forum  she  has  a  crush  on.  i  think  it’s  funny  because  she  has  noooo  idea  who  they  are  irl  but  maybe  they connect  super  well  online

ex-friends  - someone  she  used  to  consider  a  best  /  close  friend,  but  they  had  a  falling  out  for  whatever  reason  n  maybe  they  strongly  dislike  each  other  now.  maybe  they  want  to  re-kindle  their  friendship  but  don’t  know  how

dealer  -  someone  she  buys  drugs  from,  they  could  be  friends  or  it’s  strictly  business

bad  influence  -  someone  indie  is  a  bad  influence  on.  she  maybe  influences  them  to  party,  drink  or  do  drugs,  or  do  stupid  reckless  things  with  her

good  influence  -  someone  that  is  a  good  influence  on  her  and  gets  her  to  keep  her  act  together.  she  has  trouble  caring  about  anything  that  isn’t  music  related,  so  this  person  can  keep  her  on  track

roommates  -  one  to  two  people  that  she  lives  with  !!!  they  can  get  along,  or  maybe  they  don’t  vibe  super  well.  but  if  they  do  get  along  they  can  do  cute  stuff like  bake  and  watch  movies  together

coworkers  -  indie  is  a  bartender,  so  she  can  work  at  the  bar  or  restaurant  that  your  muse  works  at

meet  me  at  the  bar  -  someone  who  frequents  her  job  a  lot.  maybe  they’re  her  favorite  customer  and  she  loves  whenever  they  come.  we  can  plot  this  out  however !!!

congratulations  !!!  you  have  finally  reached  the  end  of  my  unnecessarily  long  intro  aksdjhsdjhk  i  would  like  to  thank  u  for  reading  and  apologize  for  all  the  rambling  i  did  <3  anyway  i  would  luv  to  plot,  so  i’ll  send  message  u  asap  if  u  like  this  post   !!!  we  can  definitely  plot  over  im’s,  but  i  am  partial  to  discord  if  u  wanna  add  me  there:    missing blackpink hours#5522

[calmtone]

          hello everyone , the name is sab and i’m super excited to be here w u all 😔 everything u need to know abt jaein is under the cut and i’m sort it’s a mess my sister literally isn’t shutting her mouth , so it’s hard for me to concentrate KSMKSMS but , i’d love to plot w u , so hit that like button and i’ll come to u or i can give u my discord if y’all would prefer that !

˗ˏˋ  ( hwang hyunjin. twenty-one. cis male. he/him. ) yang jaein has been at so!ar entertainment for one year. they have been the stylist of legacy since february, 2019. they are known by their family to be altruistic, idealistic + zealous but they can also be meticulous, guarded + flighty. i hope that they can make it in this industry.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR HINTS OF ABUSE .

info .

born in seoul , sk to a beautiful , university student mother and a big business father . his father was ten years her senior .

it was a strange relationship truly , but neither really cared anyways . his mother didn’t care because she loved this man and his father didn’t care because well , he had a beautiful woman on his arm .

there was also the fact that he’d knocked her up and it would’ve been a disgrace to his own family to leave a woman and his child

so the marriage was forced , in his father’s eyes at least . he never quite loved her , not as much as she loved him . her life was molded into something fake and the light in her eyes dwindled as time went on . expected to be a housewife and not what her own dreams wanted her to be .

( she was a fashion design student , was in love with the idea of a simple piece of fabric being turned into something that could brighten eyes and turn heads )

it’s scary what someone would do for love or at least a fabricated version of love she didn’t want to leave , afraid of the truth

thus in turn , growing up jaein had a skewed vision of what love was , he received so much love and encouragement from his mother yet received cold harsh treatment from his father . watched his mother with hearts in her eyes as she watched his father and saw his father write her off like she meant nothing

jaein had a love for fashion from a young age , watching his mother make her own clothing in her small little space in the house , watched her sew fabrics and buttons and jewels together to make a masterpiece . she taught him all she knew , loved the way his eyes lit up like hers would when she was younger . he always found joy in helping his mother pick out pretty dresses and doing her make up

always dreamed of dressing people up like he’d help dress her up

he was always a more introverted child , he found nice company with his mother as mentioned above , she was always his best friend . however his father wanted him to be more , hated to watch his son find a love for something that would get him no where just like his mother . hated to watch him fall in love with smth that was some Prissy shit

when he was ten his father got offered a big job in milan , italy and off jaein went . forced to pack up his life and leave everything behind for a father that cared little about him

he was in heaven though ... kinda ... a fashion hub of the world it felt like his dreams were coming true . however it was while living in italy where his father was really forcing his hand on him

forced him to be apart of the more popular social scene , shoving him into crowds he didn’t do well with . forced his introverted and shy son to be extroverted and outgoing , to attend parties and let people use him however they saw fit . he didn’t make friends , he met ppl that wanted his money , wanted him because he was pretty .

people pushed him around a lot . physically , emotionally .

his father wanted him to be some big business man , take after himself and shit , jaein obviously didn’t want that , he wanted to do fashion and create things . his father wasn’t happy when he told him he’d be moving back to korea ( age 18 ) to pursue a degree in fashion design .

that furthered strained their relationship or whatever relationship they even possessed because his father wasn’t really present as a parental figure , the one time jaein stuck up for himself was the last line for his father who ended up p much disowning him

his mother was still there in his life watching him go to university , she supported his move and pays his tuition behind her husbands back bc she wants to toxically live through her own son as he chases the dreams she had

it was because of that that he had gotten his job at solar . his mother had paid his way in there and he hadn’t found out until recently , putting strain on their relationship because he felt like he couldn’t trust her . he would never tell a soul this though , so it’s his own internal battle !

personality-ish .

generally he’s sweet . kind , selfless , wants to help others more than help himself which leads to destructive tendencies of overworking himself .

he wants to be perfect , he wants to impress others , it’s why he shifts himself so much to fit a mold he doesn’t think he can fit .

his mother cares for him , loves him so much , but there’s always been pressure on his shoulders to be just like his father . he loves fashion he really does , he loves being able to create something that people will love , but he’s way too doubtful of himself , he never thinks anything he does is good enough which is definitely trauma from his father ( now from his mother because he doesn’t know if he should be at solar anymore ) , so he questions whether this is what he’s supposed to be doing or not .

he has hella daddy issues ... is struggling w the relationship w his mom bc of what she’d done . doesn’t talk to them .. talks to his mother on occasion but otherwise he’s pretty mf lonely but pretends to be happy bc he’s so good at pretending !

he’s a gemini . so he’s an annoying little petty whore and is quite moody and finicky and meticulous . he doesn’t trust ppl ... so many factors play into that from his parents to how he was treated by his peers , he’s just guarded and has trust issues up the ass .

yet he can be quite naive and he’s always craved love and affection ( that isn’t rough ) , so he’s thrown himself into things only to get himself hurt in the process ! he just wants validation and tried to get it in the worst way hehe ! like if u tryna get in his pants just be like hey ur amazing and he’ll drop to his knees ANYWAYSFLDKSJF

he can talk for hours once u get him started and get him out of his shell , though he can be quite self conscious about a lot of things

still pretends to be an extrovert but he’s definitely not !

def a romantic , loves the stars , flowers , wants to date and kiss someone but scared u know

he’s like an aesthetic hoe on insta , loves coffee and visiting different cafes whateva

uh he knows he’s bi , but he’s not like out ? kinda ? idk he hasn’t like explicitly said anything about it but like he’s been w both men and women before idk if that makes sense KFKDSM

wanted plots .

cute best friend ! probably someone he knew from korea before he moved to milan ? they always kept in contact , the person that jaein trusts more than anyone else

older sibling figure ! never had siblings , so having someone to sort of guide him would be nice

cuddle buddy bc.... cute /:

give him a lil crush pls ... he’s bi and it would be totally cute to see him get flustered in someone else’s presence and just be totally mf heart eyes ! could be a puppy crush or unrequited or not even that deep ! could be fully returned , whateva !

while he is a stylist , he always really loves make up ? but like hasn’t really dabbled w anyone besides himself ? so maybe a little test subject of sorts !

love / hate is always fun ! jaein can be a lil moody , so getting on his bad side isn’t super tricky 

an ex ! smth angsty and shit ... pls would love the angst

rival ? enemy of sorts ? just someone that jaein doesn’t like and they’re always bickering nd shit 

maybe a first love ? that would be p cute

his test subject ! w fashion and he’s always making them stand for too long and poking them w his pins on accident and it’s just a really precious and supportive relationship

[loghainmactir]

hewwo! i was wondering if u could pls give me some advice on starting my transition? ive been so scared to start bc of family and costs but ive decided to just. do it. yknow? like if i don't ill probably die lol. u look amazing and rly confident in yourself in all ur selfies and one day i wanna be Like That ✌️❤️

hi! ok, so first of all: yeah, i absolutely can give u advice, and second of all: i remember feeling exactly like you did. it literally wasn’t that long ago, either, it was like. 2013/14/15 (i can’t remember, time is fake, whatever lmao!). third of all: bless u yr so sweet. i still have a lotta issues with confidence (i doubt myself, my talent and what i can do literally hourly), but honestly? i love my body right now. it’s a good, genderless body, goddamnit.

long, long post ahead bc i’m trying to think of things i did and good god please take it with a grain of salt because a lot of this is just me ranting about things i wish I’D done in my own position. i’m also coming from a place where HRT and surgeries AREN’T free, so that’s also A Thing. everyone’s experience is different.

transitioning (particularly medically) really super fuckin varies country by country (and honestly probably even state by state, age by age and fuckin gender by gender because cis people won’t let us fucking BE goddamn): i don’t know where you are, so my only tips there r: find a trans friendly doctor/endo (i was kinda forced to go through a hospital bc That Was How It Was here in good ol’ Australia), and one people wholeheartedly recommend, if you wanna go that route.

my first point is make sure you find safe spaces in every goddamn aspect of your transition. medically, socially, physically. if you think your doctor is refusing you treatment or is discriminating against you, you NEED to ditch that doctor. if your friends and family are really verbally or physically violent against LGBT folks, you NEED to leave that space if you can (or not come out and wait until you can leave. seriously. i’m kinda lucky– my grandma was verbally violent against LGBT folks, and initially my mum was skepitcal, but i convinced them both to go to a group for LGBT+ parents and friends and they slowly turned around). get yourself friends, get yourself allies.

i cannot stress that enough. my first doctor refused to send my referral letter to the royal children’s hospital gender clinic because even tho he presented as a “nice” guy, he believed that because this was “”””out of the blue”””” for me, he figured he’d just Not Send It (and tried to tell me that a lotta kids there didn’t actually helpo, lol). so there i was, a young 15-16 year old alister, waiting like 2-3 months for something that didn’t even get fucking sent.

join trans groups on facebook and in real life. seriously, they’re a godsend; there’s buy-and-sells, advice posts, encouragement posts. ESPECIALLY local ones. most of them on facebook are private, meaning no one can see if you’re posting/in the group, and it’s easy to check if they’re not. these fb pages + local groups are good ways to find trans friendly spaces and doctors. i found my current doctor, who’s actually one of the very few doctors who knows what the fuck he’s on about re: trans people, through a real life trans group. they were like “oh, you should see x”, and even though he’s about 30-40 minutes away from me, he’s brilliant and honestly saved my life.

along those lines: figure out what you want from your transition, and then realize & accept that this may change (and it also may not change!). very early on, i was super insistent that i wanted phalloplasty and to wear packers, and now i couldn’t care less. at first, i identified as agender, and then as a trans guy/ftm, and now i identify as a Black Hole (i’m kidding, don’t @ me). like, a lotta people DON’T change their minds. but i did, some people do, and it shouldn’t be anyone’s business but your own what you want to do with your body 

(sidenote: this also goes for detransitioning or stopping medical transition but continuing to socially transition/present differently. literally, it’s fine. it’s your body. fuck anyone who says otherwise.)

again: FUCK ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE.

your body is literally your body. do NOT let anyone tell you what to do with it or who you are. i had people very early on scream at me (legitimately scream and throw me out of home, thanks grandma), tell me i wasn’t actually trans, and harrass me for this shit: but frankly, if i’d put myself back in the closet, i wouldn’t be alive right now. i would’ve killed myself years ago, and i wish i wasn’t kidding. if it’s safe, you need to stand up for your own body and your rights and put yourself somewhere that will allow you to follow through. you need to keep going and keep living.

my only other two pieces of advice are “patience, baby”– like, for real, every single part of transition takes time. this varies from where you are and who’s supporting you, but it’s generally true. it takes time for people to accept new names and pronouns 

(lotta people get furious about this, and i used to be one of those people, but hindsight’s a bitch and you gotta realize that… like, it’s hard for some cis people. you gotta give them a little bit of wiggle room, especially if they’ve never ever met a trans person before. it’s about reminders, reminders, reminders: which is SO hard if you’re not safe/don’t have the confidence. there IS a flip side to this though: if chad and stacey have known your new pronouns for months, now, and they keep “””slipping””” up, they’re not slipping up, honey. they’re doing it on purpose. kick their teeth in i’m kidding please don’t do this you know what i mean.)

it takes time for HRT to kick in. it takes time to gather a Look™ of your own you like, it takes time to build confidence to even tell people, it takes time to save up money for surgeries and it just… takes time. sometimes because it’s a naturally slow process, sometimes because cis people are Cis People and like to gatekeep. i remember being very young in my transition, sitting in the car after one of my appointments with the afformentioned shithead doctor bawling my eyes out because he’d told me i wouldn’t be able to access t for x amount of time and it was bullshit. this year i’ll be 2 years on t. wild, huh? there’s a lot of us and not equal amounts of resources (ESPECIALLY in public systems) depending on where you are, so you gotta be prepared to WAIT.

i’ll tell you what super helped me through those years: hyping myself up for other things! i still have the ticket from my first twenty one pilots show. that show meant SO much to me. i cried all through it, because waiting for that show kept my mind off of the wait for my royal children’s appointments (and even waiting to go up to melbourne bc my mum and i would go and get kebabs was a good thing to focus on!). keep things that aren’t trans related on hand (seriously i struggled with this because dysphoria and shit is fucking hard!! it’s easy to say but really fucking hard to put into practice).

(one day i’m gonna tell tyler and josh just how much they saved my goddamn life. i know they hear it weekly, but i will.)

my other thing is that uh. it won’t solve all your problems especially if you’ve got mental illnesses. this is a really fuckin depressing thing i had to drill into my brain, but it really helped. transitioning solved SO many of my issues. i no longer have back issues (thanks, like, literal kilo titties, lmao), i no longer have sore ribs and i can breathe and wear shirts. i lost so much weight (and am kinda gaining it back, but whatever). i no longer have anxiety about whether people can tell i’m binding– which is WILD because i used to stress the fuck out about it to the point where i never went out anywhere. i used to sit on the bus wondering if the person next to me could tell i had titties. now it literally doesn’t even register.

my issues now stem from PTSD, depression, BPD and ADHD. how do you fix this? you don’t. but what HAS helped is finding a therapist who won’t pressure you into talking about trans shit. lemme tell you: this shit gets exhausting after the fifth time of “oh i googled ‘can you become a boy’ when i was, like, nine” (this is my go to story because this memory is so vivid). of course, there’s gonna be moments where you HAVE to: my therapist recently actively asked me to briefly run through it for my PTSD report. but otherwise we literally haven’t talked about it and that is a GODSEND (because i don’t need it. if you need it, that��s good, too!). having a therapist that you can just wordvomit at wrt anything is literally the best thing and can be super helpful– seriously, there were a few trans-related sessions where i just snarled about the bullshit gatekeeping and the bastard i had to see for my therapist letter (oooh, every time i think abt the fact that it was something like $400-500 for two fucking sessions i get so mad lol), but outta 14 it’s really only like 2-3 of them.

but yeah. that’s it. i dunno, these are things that i’ve learnt and sorta… like to think as helpful for myself. of course, this could be different for you: you’re not me, you’re entirely different, in no doubt an entirely different country, social, financial, mental state. i was FUCKED UP when i first came out. i didn’t know that then, but i do now. i spent a lotta time by myself and that’s not healthy, so i really encourage you to reach out to our community, local and worldly, because oh my god, we’re here for you. we are SO here for you.

[ethospathoslogan]

hey! im kinda new to this fandom but im already in love with everything about it,, but could you please explain the deceit video and deceit himself? i understood some of it but im a bit lost, thank u!

oh my god this is my time to shine bc!!! “can lying be good?” was the video that officially pushed me into the sanders sides fandom

this is going under the cut bc this got extremely long omg

so, “can lying be good?” is a recent addition to thomas sanders’ “sanders sides” series that is, imo, a video that you need to watch in chronological order (so, basically, “can lying be good?” should not be someone’s first sanders sides video bc of the lore that is dropped). in it, we see thomas trying to figure out what to do about missing his best friend joan’s script reading for a play they wrote. thomas is torn because, on one hand, lying would make it so much nicer but wouldn’t be right, while telling the truth would be the right thing to do but could make joan mad at thomas.

roman is deadset on lying to joan, virgil is completely against lying to joan, and logan is willing to do whatever thomas wants. however, “patton’s” stance is what gives the video a “hmmm something isn’t right” vibe.

throughout the video, we see “patton”, thomas’ morality, not only try to convince thomas that the right thing to do would be lying to joan, but we also see him say and do things that patton wouldn’t normally do. he never calls anyone “kiddo,” which might as well be his catchphrase, and instead calls everyone “friendo”. he references philosophers, which is something logan typically does.

also, he isn’t wearing the cat hoodie that logan gave him and, instead, is wearing the old cardigan that he practically hated.

so something’s not right, yeah?

“patton” agrees that lying would be the best thing to do bc it would spare joan’s feelings. everyone is convinced besides virgil. they then go to the Mind Palace Theater so that they can practice various situations in which thomas is lying to people. 

then there are some more things that “patton” does that are very un-patton. for one, he wants to be the director instead of the audience. not saying that patton can’t be a leader, but usually he likes to be the one motivating everyone. now he all of a sudden wants to be the one directing this whole lying scheme. he keeps telling everyone that lying is okay because it spares people’s feelings. even when roman and thomas, the two who wanted to lie in the first place, start showing doubts about their plan, he encourages them to go on.

he also does this, which not only is very morbid and un-patton (i mean, they’re talking abt a kid’s hamster that passed away, and usually patton would be soft and delicate about that), he’s also crossing his fingers, which is a tell-tale sign that someone is lying.

so, basically, the whole stage production of scenarios in which thomas is lying crashes and burns and they head back to thomas’ living room. and that is where things start to get real.

“patton”, who let me remind you is thomas’ morality, keeps trying to convince everyone that lying is the best thing to do.

he then turns to virgil, his best friend, and says something along the lines of, “virgil, buddy, i know we didn’t agree on it before, but come on! do you really want joan to be mad at us?”

and virgil says something like, “yeah, joan being mad at us makes me anxious, but lying would make me even more anxious, and anyone who doesn’t understand that should just shut up.” this in particular is very odd because patton has been the only side virgil has been consistently soft and gentle with, and now he’s telling “patton” to shut up. it’s because he is the first one to recognize that “patton” isn’t patton.

after some slight arguing, thomas then admits that he isn’t going to lie to joan. it would make him feel really bad and he’d rather face the consequences of missing joan’s show than lie to them and lose their trust.

and that’s when “patton” starts to drop his ruse.

“patton”, now just frustrated that thomas won’t listen to him, begins to give up on his plan of convincing thomas to lie and, instead, basically gives up that Something Is Wrong.

and then, after virgil, logan is the next one to figure out what’s going on and, when he tries to say something, “patton” silences him.

vigil and roman then bring up a very interesting concept. logan can’t tell thomas what’s really going on because thomas wasn’t ready to learn something new about himself. when thomas asked, “what’s going on?”, roman replied, “you have to give us permission first”

virgil then says something along the lines of, “there are sides to everyone that they don’t want to acknowledge, but whatever you want to know, you can know, you just have to be open to hearing it”

and then roman says one of my favorite lines of the series, “in other words, would you like to learn something new about yourself, thomas?”

when thomas says that he doesn’t know if he wants to, “patton” says (another favorite line), “oh i don’t know either, thomas! you might not like what you find!”

and then, giving logan permission, thomas learns what has actually been going on

deceit, a side of himself that thomas has never met before, has been taking the place of patton to convince thomas and the other sides that they need to lie

the sides then go to explain that deceit has always been a part of thomas, he just didn’t want to accept that deceit/lying/manipulation was a part of him.

and, since we’ve finally gotten to the part of this long summary that is about deceit, let’s talk about deceit.

deceit is the physical embodiment of lying and manipulation. for the series, he is most likely the next antagonist (along with some others, but i’ll get to that later) who i’m fully expecting to come in again later on in the series. deceit is what tricks thomas into thinking he is 100% a good person. if thomas doesn’t know that deceit is a side of him, among others, then he has no reason to think he might not be a completely good, honest person.

the way logan describes it is like this: “you place distance between yourself and the lies that you tell. he is the reason of your doing so.”

deceit speaks only in lies. most of the time. he says things like, ���what you don’t know can’t hurt you” and “yes thomas, you’re a good person, everyone says so”, which is him lying to thomas. he even tells thomas that there is no actual patton and that he never had any morality (which is another big lie) 

however there is one point when he doesn’t lie. this is when patton (the real patton) tries to pop up and, instead, slams into deceit’s feet. this prompts deceit to say, “ow, that hurt” quickly followed by, “i mean, that didn’t hurt me”. this gives cause to think that deceit can actually choose when he wants to lie.

so then patton comes back and basically tells deceit to leave

once deceit is gone, patton then explains to thomas that deceit is a type of self-preservation. if thomas lets himself be deceived, he doesn’t have to think inwardly on himself. however, that is a harmful thing to do. if thomas, or anyone for that matter, never questioned themselves or their actions, they would never see how they are possibly harming others. deceit, while wanting to “protect” thomas, is really just making him unaware to the effect that he has on people.

and then, to my final and perhaps most interesting point, it is something that roman said. at the end of the video, thomas asked if there were any other sides that deceit has kept hidden from him, and roman said that he calls them all “the dark sides”.

now, the fandom has basically been split in what a “dark side” is. personally, i think a dark side is a side that, not only one that thomas doesn’t know about, but is also one that serves as an antagonist and doesn’t have a redemption. so, therefore, i think that virgil used to be a dark side, but i digress bc that’s a whole other post.

(basically, logic/creativity/morality were never dark sides because, even though thomas had to learn about them, they are sides that thomas can easily see eye-to-eye with and are not typically seen as “negative” traits, but again i digress) 

so, basically, there are sides that are most likely “darker” aspects of thomas’ personality that deceit has kept hidden away from him. thomas, subconsciously, was not open to hearing about these less-than-nice aspects of his personality and, due to that, deceit was able to keep them hidden and the other sides quiet about them. however, now thomas knows about deceit, so i have a very good feeling that we are going to be meeting other dark sides soon.

annnnnd i think that’s it!!! if i missed anything, or something doesn’t make sense, or you just have more questions, feel free to ask me!!! and welcome to the fandom!!! we are happy to have you here :)

[arceus-ex-machina]

I was tagged by @dabnyfantown to do a thing (on a blog I'm about to delete, so I'm doing it here). I'll tag @quinintheclouds, @snowlillies and @squishable-amethyst! THE LAST: 1. Drink: iced tea 2. Phone call: idk my mom probably 3. Text message: Quin 4. Song you listened to: Battle Against A True Hero apparently 5. Time you cried: some time within the past few days idk I have no sense of time HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: I guess technically but it barely even counted as a relationship lmao 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: well the guy from the previous question was a terrible kisser and had a cold sore but it was also my first kiss so I'm glad to have gotten it out of the way. So no regrets I guess 8. Been cheated on: not as far as I know lmao 9. Lost someone special: no 10. Been depressed: lmao ya 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yes. 0/10 do not recommend LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. Pink 13. Green 14. White IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yeah! 16. Fallen out of love: yeah 17. Laughed until you cried: I think so 18. Found out someone was talking about you? No 👀 19. Met someone who changed you? i think everyone i meet does a little bit (kept kat's answer bc same) 20. Found out who your friends are: that's dramatic. Kinda but eh 21. Kissed someone on your FB list: yup GENERAL: 22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: p much all of them except my online friends 23. Do you have any pets: no but I sometimes wish Nala was mine 24. Do you want to change your name: i used to desperately want to but I think I'm good with it now 25. What did you do for your last birthday: had a breakdown lol. happy thanksgiving! 26. What time did you wake up: like 4 something am which is actually the most ideal time I've woken up recently 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: having a weird dream and abt to wake up I think 28. Name something you can’t wait for: a stable loving relationship (me too kat) 29. When was the last time you saw your Mom: yesterday before I went to sleep (did I sleep twelve hours again? Oops) 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i dunno… i guess itd be nice to be better off financially (I've been trying to change ur answers kat but since we're lowkey the same person it's getting harder) 31. What are you listening to right now: air 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yea my old songwriting teacher 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: emotions ? 34. Most visited website: tumblr lol 35. Mole/s: i think they're all just freckles idk 36. Mark/s: scars, a few stretch marks 37. Childhood dream: i wanted to be a famous singer like Kelly Clarkson 38. Hair color: it's a brown mess right now 39. Long or short hair: mine is like shoulder length but I'm growing it out...I love both but long hair suits me better 40. Do you have a crush on someone?: 🤔 41. What do you like about yourself: my eyes are kinda cool I guess bc part of them are green. and ig I have relatively nice skin (it'd be better if I'd just TAKE CARE OF MYSELF) 42. Piercings: just 1 in each earlobe 43. Blood type: idk I keep asking my mom but she doesn't know 44: Nicknames: don't really have any 45. Relationship status: single af 46. Zodiac: sagittarius 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV show: voltron legendary defender atm 49. Tattoos: maybe if I ever have something significant enough 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: nope 52. Hair dyed a different color: lmao I've dyed it a bunch, right now it's brown but not my natural brown 53. Sports: hahahhahahahahhahahaha 54. Vacation: NYC was amazing, I've never been out of the country but i want to go...well everywhere tbh 55. Shoes: sandals/flip flops in the summer, mostly combat boots in the winter. I have others too but those are my defaults 56. Eating: lots of hummus and avocado lately...and limón chips 57. Drinking: water, iced tea, root beer 58. I’m about to: get all my new fidget toys off my bed so I can lay the fuck back down 59. Waiting for: a cute girl...to think I'm cute 60. Want: my hair to grow faster 61. Get married: maybe one day, or sooner for tax benefits lmao 62. Career: hell if I know WHICH IS BETTER: 63. Hugs or kisses: both!! in the mood for kisses rn tho 64. Lips or eyes: idk both r lovely 65. Shorter or taller: don't have a preference but I'm 5'3 so there are more ppl who are taller than me 66. Older or younger: um I feel like I'm behind my peers in terms of life development so an older person would feel Extra Old so younger ig but in general I don't have a preference 67. Nice arms or nice stomach: I?? Do not care 68. Sensitive or loud: this is phrased as if they're supposed to be opposites or mutually exclusive...anyway I guess sensitive 69. Hook up or relationship: relationship but tbh rn i wouldnt mind a hook up (kat's answer again whoops) 70. Troublemaker or hesitant: honestly I tend to balance out both of these qualities as needed so. either. bring it on HAVE YOU EVER: 71. Kissed a stranger: nope 72. Drank hard liquor: yep 73. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I lose my glasses at least once a week. I've never "lost" a contact because I've only ever worn dailies so once they're out of ur eye they're done 74. Turned someone down: yea 75. Sex on first date: I've never been on a traditional "date"....does sex without a date count? Otherwise nah 76. Broken someone’s heart: it feels weird to say but yeah i think so? 77. Had your heart broken: no 78. Been arrested: nope 79. Cried when someone died: I think so 80. Fallen for a friend: almost exclusively (because like...how do u fall for someone if u don't know them) DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 81. Yourself: *punches my low self esteem in the face* yea 82. Miracles: @universe we shall see *sighs* yea I do tho 83. Love at first sight: hell nah 84. Santa Claus: lol no 85. Kiss on the first date: sure if ur feeling it why not OTHER: 86. Current best friend: quin 87. Eye color: Hazel 88. Favorite movie: I'm not the biggest movie person...let's see. Fantastic beasts was pretty good