#so its one of those multiple things can be true + different things can be true for different people + i acknowledge my own preferences | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lowkeyren · 2 months ago

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in which : alhaitham speaks to you in 5 different languages, unaware that you understand every word he says.

wc 7.3k (pls give it a chance lol), academic rivals to lovers, unrequited hate, attempt at humor, college au, denial + pinning.. crazy ik, he falls first (and harder), tw stalking by a drunkard, a genius on paper but a total dumbass when it comes to crushes, lil smau at the end!, ft. sumeru gang. art by @/gamegatchihaja on x.

ps. translations ay nasa maliliit na titik, katulad neto!!

ps. translations will be in small letters, like this!!

PROLOGUE: GOD I HATE THIS GUY! (DOES HE THINK IM STUPID?)

the semester is nearing its conclusion, and the imminent approach of finals marks the most critical period of the year; students rush through the halls, clutching their notes and textbooks like lifelines, while you pour every ounce of effort into your studies —not just for your grades, but also to surpass a certain arrogant scholar.

alhaitham.

the name tastes like spoiled milk on your tongue, a sour reminder of all the times he’s bested you, even if it’s just by a small margin, leaving you dumbfounded when the difference between your marks during the last exam was a mere 1%.

you were groveling in front of your professor, “please, just round the marks up?” you could practically feel your dignity slipping away. and the worst part? you were so desperate that you started mentally calculating how many odd jobs you’d be willing to do just to sweeten the deal.

(maybe you’ll help organize the office, run around the campus to buy him drinks every day, or even wipe down the windows of his car…)

disclaimer: he ultimately said no, but he did compliment your impeccable taste in coffee so, a win is a win?

anyhow, alhaitham’s nonchalance only adds to your frustration, especially when he switches to a different language mid-conversation. it feels like he’s rubbing salt in your wounds, why of course you can understand him perfectly —after all, you aren’t majoring in linguistics for no reason, plus he's not the only one who’s fluent in multiple languages.

though you keep that to yourself, perhaps because the things he says in those languages, which he assumes you don’t understand, are far from innocent, unknowingly letting you have a glimpse into his true feelings.

ACT I: WHOLEHEARTEDLY, I DETEST YOU.

alhaitham would never fall in love —such irrational and illogical emotions held no value to him.

that was what he always believed, but then he saw you.

the way you laughed so unapologetically at cyno’s jokes, how you always stood firm by your beliefs, your refusal to compromise who you are; you were a breath of fresh air in a world that often felt stifling.

as much as he tries to act unfazed, he can't help the heat prickling his skin nor the way his composure falters just slightly in your presence. and when his heart raced for the first time in what felt like forever, he knew —he was completely, utterly screwed.

(“fix me, kaveh.” / “hah. who do you think i am, ‘y/n’?”)

when kaveh told him that he just had a simple “crush”, he nearly rolled his eyes so hard he thought they might get stuck there permanently.)

likewise, this ugly arrogant handsome bastard here, is one you’ll never fall in love with.

he’s infuriating, completely insufferable, and yet there’s something about him, something hidden beneath that arrogance, that draws you in. the idea that you could ever fall for someone like him seems laughable, impossible even. he's exactly the kind of person you should avoid and you know better than to be charmed by someone like him. yet, there's that nagging feeling, deep down, that perhaps you’re not as immune to him as you think.

by some stroke of luck, you’re in the same major, same year, and even enrolled in the same lecture periods, which means you end up in the same place at the same time more often than not.

but you can’t deny that, in some twisted way, you admire him. his intellect is beyond impressive, even if it annoys you to admit it. so surely, in his eyes, you’re still inferior, and you often wonder if he even considers your ideas as worthy of attention.

(they are.)

ACT II: YOUR WATCHFUL EYES, I CAN’T IGNORE.

your pen glides across the pages as you jot down notes, fully absorbed in your studies, barely registering the faint sound of distant chatter.

unbeknownst to you, a group of students has gathered just outside the lecture hall, peeking in from the door with curious, amused expressions. they’re clearly there for you, exchanging glances and murmurs, waiting for the moment you step outside.

you don’t notice, but alhaitham, seated a few feet away, certainly does.

his eyes narrow slightly as he takes in the scene. he doesn’t say anything at first, but his jaw clenches ever so subtly. as you begin to pack up, you glance up to find him standing in front of you, his tall figure effectively blocking the group outside’s direct line of sight to you.

with a discreet glance over his shoulder, he shoots them a cold, unmistakable glare. they visibly shudder, seemingly getting the message as they awkwardly shuffle away.

“what was that about?”

alhaitham leans against your desk, “nothing important,” his tone is dismissive, laced with irritation, his gaze still fixed on the now-empty doorway.

you narrow your eyes, unimpressed. “really? you just scared them off for no reason?”

“just getting rid of some… distractions,” he says casually, turning his attention back towards you. you raise an eyebrow, clearly not believing his words. “distractions? they weren’t bothering me.”

his expression remains impassive, “khi họ cứ để ý đến em như vậy… em thấy không phi��n, còn tôi thì có.”

“seeing them constantly paying attention to you… you're not bothered by it, but i am.”

“bởi vì cái cách mà em chú tâm hoàn toàn vào một việc gì đó… nó quyến rũ vô cùng.”

because the way you completely focus on something… is truly mesmerising.

you blink, feeling a momentary flush of confusion and surprise at the words slipping from his mouth. did he just—? but before you can fully process it, he continues.

“vậy nên tôi cũng không thể trách họ khi họ muốn nhìn em gần và lâu hơn được.”

so i don’t blame them when they want to look at you closer and longer.

his words linger in the air, a moment passes before it clicks —he doesn’t think you understand. that’s why he’s speaking so… freely; letting slip things he’d never say outright in a language you both speak fluently.

“nhưng mà… chắc không ai trong số bọn họ có thể sánh ngang với tôi, em nhỉ?”

but… none of them can compare to me, right?

your chest tightens as a surge of warmth courses through you.

his detached attitude only fuels your irritation. but there’s also a certain satisfaction in knowing something he doesn’t: you’ve understood every single word he’s said.

feigning ignorance, you raise an eyebrow, meeting his gaze with what you hope is a neutral expression. "what are you going on about?" you ask.

his expression remains as stoic as ever, not a single crack in his mask. he simply shrugs, eyes still on you, "just telling you to focus more.”

your grip on the pen tightens, there's a part of you that wants to wipe that smug look off his face, to show him you're not as clueless as he assumes. but not yet —you’re curious to see just how far he’s willing to push.

"right," you mutter under your breath, tapping the pen against your notebook. "focus. got it."

he leans down slightly, one arm resting on the back of your chair while the other presses against the table, effectively caging you in.

"you're wasting time, finals are coming up." he takes a brief pause before continuing, "i wish you the best of luck, you’ll need it.”

your eyes snap up to him in a glare, “don’t you have somewhere to be?" you bite back.

alhaitham straightens, giving you a final glance before turning towards the door. “naturally, i have studying to do.”

“bởi vì tôi sẽ chứng minh cho em thấy rằng chỉ có tôi mới xứng tầm làm đối thủ học thuật của em, không một ai khác.”

because i will prove to you that only i am worthy of being your rival, no one else.

why did he frame it as if it’s a privilege only he can claim? or is he trying to… flatter you?!

you shake your head, no way, that’s ridiculous. finals are coming up, there’s no time to dwell on whatever mind games he’s playing. though if the almighty alhaitham wants a rival, then you’ll show him exactly what it means to stand at the pinnacle.

ACT III: IN MY DREAMS, I SCORED HIGHER THAN YOU.

you’re tired, the kind of tired that seeps deep into your bones. every blink stretches longer than the last and you find it increasingly difficult to focus on the words in front of you. stifling a yawn, you feel the pull of sleep tugging at you, whispering sweet promises of rest.

there’s still time till your next class.

maybe you'll take a moment to close your eyes, just for a few seconds…

did you not get enough sleep last night, or did you stay up late studying again? alhaitham watches silently from across the room, his eyes narrowing as your head droops lower, your exhaustion becoming painfully obvious with each passing second. his gaze lingers on the way your pen pauses mid-sentence, the line on your notebook trailing off as your hand grows heavy.

he pushes himself up from his seat, and approaches your desk; he notices the sunlight streaming through the window, harsh and unrelenting, hitting right over the table where you’re sitting. he looks at you —eyes closed, with the faintest crease of discomfort on your brow.

without a word, he reaches out and slips the pen from your grip, the slight shift causing your fingers to twitch, but you don’t wake.

for a fleeting second, he considers waking you. but then, as you shift again, settling more comfortably into your chair, he decides against it. what good would that do, anyway? you’d probably just brush him off and keep going until you collapse from sheer fatigue. typical.

instead, he adjusts his stance slightly, positioning himself just right to make sure the sunlight is fully blocked from your face, casting you in a cool shadow.

you mumble something incoherent, and he can’t help but roll his eyes at your state. did you really think burning yourself out like this would help you focus?

“stubborn,” he mutters under his breath.

you're always like this, pushing yourself past your limits, and while part of him respects your determination to outdo him, he won’t allow it to come at the expense of your health.

you stir from your slumber, lifting your head, your gaze lands on a familiar figure standing to the side of your table. his back turned, facing the sunlight that streams in from the window.

alhaitham.

he’s close, so close that his broad shoulders completely block out the sunlight from the window. the sight sends a rush of confusion through your already sleep-addled mind. did he… stand there the whole time? why?

you shift slightly in your seat, your movement catching his attention. without turning, he speaks in that low, steady tone of his, “you’re awake.”

“alhaitham?” you murmur, your voice still thick with sleep.

he glances over his shoulder, just enough for you to catch a glimpse of the calm expression on his face. “you’ve been out for a while,” he comments, a hint of amusement in his voice. “i was starting to think you’d sleep through your next class.”

you rub the sleep from your eyes, “why didn’t you wake me up then?”

his shoulders shift slightly as he shrugs, still facing away from you. “you looked like you needed the rest. besides, it’s more entertaining to see how long you’d stay asleep.”

a flicker of annoyance courses through you as you roll your eyes, “oh, so you mean you care?”

he turns slightly, and you can see a hint of a smirk on his lips. “don’t read too much into it. i just prefer my competition functioning at their best.”

you wish you could roll your eyes harder because this man has an uncanny talent for grating on your nerves while somehow being insufferably charming at the same time.

“ah yes —because you need me to keep up with you,” you remark sarcastically.

“exactly.” you let out an exasperated sigh as you lean back in your chair. “you really think so highly of yourself, don’t you?”

“mushiro, kimi no koto o hijō ni takaku hyōka shiteiru yo.”

if anything, i think highly of you.

your brows knit together in surprise, and you can’t help but scoff. “what was that? i didn't catch it.”

“i said i won’t go easy on you.” oh, the audacity. he’s lying again, and he knows it.

the corners of your mouth twitch in disbelief as you scrutinise his expression. there’s that familiar glimmer in his eyes, a spark of mischief that tells you he’s enjoying this too much.

“whatever,” you retort, crossing your arms defiantly. “not like i want you to anyway.”

despite your words, you can't deny that his actions earlier were surprisingly endearing. you wonder how long he intends to keep this up. perhaps it’s time you let him know.

“ii ne, kimi ga iraira shite iru toki wa kawaiikara.”

good, because you’re cute when you’re all riled up.

you feel a blush creep into your cheeks at his words, okay maybe you shouldn’t let him know. you instinctively look away, as if avoiding his gaze can help you regain your composure.

cute? what does he mean “cute”?! he thinks he can get away with calling you cute —well… well, there’s not much you can do about it, you’re not ready to confront him about this either.

the mere thought of asking him directly makes your stomach twist with a year’s worth of embarrassment. yet, as you try to refocus on the book in front of you, you find yourself biting your lip, struggling to suppress a smile that threatens to break free.

ACT IV: I WOKE UP TODAY, AND A DREAM CAME TRUE.

the hallway buzzes with excitement as students gather around the large announcement board, eager to see the results of their theses. you push through the crowd, heart pounding, the low hum of chatter filling your ears.

when you reach the front, you quickly scan the list; the moment your eyes land on your name, your breath catches in your throat.

there it is, in bold red ink at the top of the board —a score higher than you’d ever hoped for, higher than his. and your name, on top of his.

alhaitham.

you glance over and spot him approaching the board, approaching you. his expression is, as always, unreadable. but you know him well enough by now to catch the slight pause in his movements, the brief moment where his eyes linger just a second too long on the board.

you try not to think too much about it as you collect your thesis, with alhaitham following closely behind, his fingers nearly grazing yours as you both sift through the stack of papers on the table.

you take in the glowing praise from your professor, each word making you feel like every all-nighter was worth it. you clutch the paper, resisting the urge to grin like an idiot.

glancing sideways, you wait for him to say something, maybe some backhanded comment, but he remains silent. your eyes meet, and there’s a shift in his gaze as the usual sharpness in his eyes dulls ever so slightly, your smile lingering like the first light of dawn breaking through the night's embrace.

it’s subtle —just a flicker —but you catch how his gaze falters, softening, if only for a heartbeat. the edges of his stare blur, drawn to the warmth of your expression as though it’s something he hadn’t meant to witness, yet can’t look away from.

at this moment,

"looks like i finally beat you," you say, not bothering to suppress the grin spreading across your face now.

he feels like

there’s no scowl, no sign of frustration —just the slightest raise of an eyebrow. “hmm. by a point.” he pauses, studying you for a second longer than necessary before returning his gaze to his paper. “enjoy it while it lasts.”

he's in heaven.

it’s as if he’s not bothered by the outcome at all. in fact, if anything, he seems... satisfied?

"hindi dapat ganito kalala ang epekto ng ngiti mo sa akin."

your smile shouldn't affect me this badly.

“—huh?” your mouth drops slightly open at his words; out of everything, you didn’t expect him to say that. it catches you off guard, making your heart race just a little faster. if you peer closely enough, you might catch a glimpse of the gentle arch of his lips, a ghost of a smile.

the silence stretches on for a beat too long before he clears his throat and shifts his gaze away from you. “ang iyong ngiti ang pinakamagandang tanawin ng aking araw.”

your smile is the most beautiful sight of my day.

“what?” the word slips from your lips, barely a breath, a soft gasp that hangs in the air. it feels almost surreal and you wonder if you’ve misheard him.

each heartbeat thunders in your ears, a rhythm that matches the erratic flutter in your chest. why is he saying these things, what for in a different language…? there’s no way that he—

"—tulad mo na ang hinangad ko na ligawan, ngunit sa bawat ngiti mo, halip ay mas lalo akong nahulog para sayo."

—like you, who i wish to court, but with every smile, i instead found myself falling for you.

your breath hitches as your heart stumbles, the implications of his words washing over you like a wave. a rush of heat floods your cheeks, “what… did you say?”

his shoulders stiffen, and there’s a subtle tension in the way his fingers curl against the paper he’s holding. “see you tomorrow, [name],” he mutters, his voice low but hurried, and before you know it, he’s already walking away.

two strange things happened today:

1. you finally beat your sworn enemy!

2. said enemy… complimented you?

huh, it’s as if the words slipped out before he could catch them, as if he’s been holding them in for far too long, as if… you notice the way his neck reddens, even as he turns away.

behind the door, alhaitham lets out a quiet breath.

“gago… nagkamali ba ako?”

stupid… did i make a mistake?

to his dismay, an annoyingly familiar voice cuts through the silence. kaveh, who had been waiting just down the hall, notices him standing there, a little too still.

“oh, what do we have here?" there's a slight pause, followed by a raised eyebrow. "is that—no way, your face is red!” kaveh teases, amusement dancing in his eyes. “what happened there?" he leans in, clearly enjoying himself. "come on, spill the tea..!”

"not a chance," alhaitham retorts, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms defensively.

just then, kaveh spots cyno and tighnari; grinning, he waves them over. “what’s going on? did alhaitham finally crack under pressure?”

alhaitham would rather reorganise the entire library than listen to kaveh recount what happened.

“i’m leaving.”

"no, i'm afraid you're not getting out of this one.” cyno steps forward, blocking alhaitham’s path; and tighnari, who has been quietly observing till now, chimes in, “don’t leave us hanging.”

“you’re outnumbered.”

alhaitham sighs and shakes his head. he hadn’t even thought it was physically possible for him, of all people, to do something as ridiculous as blushing —until today.

(on the other side of the door, their banter echoes through, and you can’t help but chuckle to yourself at alhaitham’s misery.)

ACT V: PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY, YOU SAY? BUT EVERYONE CALLS IT FLIRTING.

“i think alhaitham likes [name].”

the whole table falls silent before kaveh dramatically slams his glass down on the table, causing a splash of alcohol to spill over the edge. “oh finally, it’s so obvious! have you all seen the way he looks at them?”

across the table, tighnari taps his fingers absentmindedly on his notebook, his attention only half on kaveh’s (incoming) rant but clearly invested enough, as shown by the slight twitching of his ears, to be listening.

cyno snickers, “you’re telling me the man who can dissect any philosophical argument can’t handle a little crush? that’s rich.”

kaveh waves a hand dismissively. “come on! remember that time they were partnered up for a project? he was so... uncharacteristically patient! i’d almost say it’s cute if it weren’t alhaitham we’re talking about!”

right, it’d be almost endearing —if it weren’t coming from the most stoic, intimidatingly aloof guy in the entire school. it’d be adorable —if it weren’t alhaitham, who instinctively covers the corner of your table with his hand when you drop your pencil, ensuring you won’t hit your head as you bend down to retrieve it.

oh, you don’t notice (of course not). but your friend dehya, sitting nearby, catches the whole scene out of the corner of her eye. she raises an eyebrow, nudging the girl beside her.

(“candace, do you see that shit.” / “yeah.”)

“a soft spot for [name], you say? well, i’ve got a story of my own, too.” cyno glances around, ensuring no one else is within earshot, then lowers his voice conspiratorially. “have you noticed? he doesn’t wear his earphones when he’s around them.”

kaveh pipes up, nodding eagerly.

“he’s got those earphones practically glued to his head, he doesn’t hear anything he doesn’t want to, and he certainly doesn’t talk unless he’s forced to. but around them?” cyno pauses, pretending to think for a while. “not once. he’ll put them away entirely, like he’s actually willing to be… present.”

sure it’s small, subtle, the kind of habit no one would pick up on unless they were looking closely. but to anyone who knew alhaitham well, it tells them more than words ever could.

for him, actions speak louder than words, even if he often doesn’t realise the meaning behind his own gestures.

his earphones slide down, resting forgotten around his neck, all so he can be close enough to catch the delightful lilt of your laughter. his chair inches a fraction closer, seemingly by accident. a subtle upward twitch at the corner of his mouth, so fleeting and often passing so quickly if one weren’t paying attention.

for him, it’s a language without words.

dehya laughs softly. "for someone who supposedly ‘doesn’t like being bothered,’ he sure seems invested in whatever [name] has to say."

and what sealed their suspicions?

definitely the time when kaveh complimented nilou’s new bracelet. he glanced over at the man beside him, nudging him lightly. “what do you think?”

alhaitham gave the bracelet a cursory glance, before replying, “it’s nice.” though his gaze flickered back; and almost absently, he added after a pause, “[name] has the same one too.”

oh… oh? well that was oddly specific. kaveh’s eyebrow quirked as he fought to suppress a grin.

alhaitham had noticed a detail seemingly insignificant about [name] —the kind of thing he never cared to show the slightest interest in when it came to anyone else.

the glint in nilou’s eyes seemed to mirror kaveh’s unspoken thoughts, silently agreeing with his suspicions.

now they’re certain —100% sure, in fact —that alhaitham has a crush on you.

“well, speak of the devil… lovely seeing you here, alhaitham,” kaveh quips. tighnari, ever observant, gives him a pointed look. “your jacket’s missing.”

“someone took it,” alhaitham replies, his tone as composed as always, giving nothing away.

—nothing until you walked past. draped over your shoulders, unmistakable, is alhaitham’s jacket. you don’t notice the way every pair of eyes follows you, or the way kaveh barely stifles a triumphant laugh.

...make that 110%.

(translation: he means he borrowed his jacket because [name] was cold.)

ACT VI: IT’S YOU, WHO COMES TO MY RESCUE.

the quiet night hangs heavy, the road empty and bathed in the dim glow of distant streetlights. you weave through the streets, but no matter how many twists and turns you take, that weirdo just won’t leave you alone.

he’s been trailing behind you for blocks now, his persistence grating on your nerves, cornering you with endless “compliments” and invasive questions. you’ve tried to shake him off, but his determination far exceeds your patience.

"come on, just give me a chance," he insists, stepping closer, a little too close for comfort. you take a step back. the smell of alcohol reeks from his breath, and his grin is making your skin crawl.

"i told you, i’m not interested," you say firmly, keeping your voice steady, but the panic was starting to creep in. you glance at the empty bottle in his hand —he’s definitely drunk out his mind.

“you sure?" he completely ignores your clear discomfort. "how about you just give me your number, yeah?" he slurs out.

"no, i have a boyfriend." you lie through your teeth, hoping that would be enough to make him back off.

unfortunately, he’s as insufferable as he is persistent.

he snorts dismissively, "yeah, right. a boyfriend? you’re just playing hard to get."

you sigh, you aren’t in the mood for this, not here, not now, and especially not with someone like him. "i already told you, i have a boyfriend," your voice now tinged with frustration. "so please, just leave me alone.”

"oh, don't be like that," he steps in front of you, blocking your way. "prove it. call your boyfriend. show me you’re not lying."

your heart races as the man reaches out for you, dodging his hand, you take the chance to look behind him for an escape. just then, you see an all-too-familiar figure in the distance.

alhaitham.

you barely manage to suppress a relieved sigh as you wave frantically in his direction. he spots you almost immediately and without hesitation, he rushes over.

"what, this your boyfriend?" the guy sneers with derision, still sounding a little too cocky for someone who was about to get a reality check.

alhaitham steps beside you, you can feel his eyes on you for just a brief moment, the faintest flicker of worry flashing across his face. it’s subtle, almost imperceptible, but you catch it—and it makes your chest tighten.

his voice is low, unmistakably carrying a warning, "yes, i’m their boyfriend. and if you don’t want things to escalate, i suggest you leave."

the man’s face twists as anger flares in his bloodshot eyes. he takes a step forward, his grip tightening around the neck of the bottle, the glass slightly cracking. "you think you can tell me what to do?" he slurs, gaze wild and unfocused. “y-you think you’re some kind of saviour? *hic* a-and you! how… how dare you reject me?!”

alhaitham doesn’t move, his expression cold and unbothered, and that only seems to make the man angrier. his frustration boils over, and with a snarl, he clumsily swings the bottle in his hand, aggressively lurching towards your direction.

the world seems to slow for a moment. though before you can even react, alhaitham pulls you firmly behind him with one swift motion, his other arm instinctively rising to shield the both of you from the blow. the sound of glass meeting his forearm is sharp and jarring —you can hear the high-pitched tinkle of glass scattering, the jagged shards bouncing off the pavement, and some skittering across the ground.

but he doesn’t even flinch, his stance unwavering as the man stumbles back, glass crunching underfoot. you’re still frozen from shock, your heart racing in your chest as you watch the scene unfold.

“big mistake,” he starts, and the man visibly falters. “harassment, assault —keep this up, and you’ll regret every choice that brought you here tonight.”

the man shifts around, clearly disoriented. his eyes dart between you and alhaitham, but it’s clear that the fight’s already left him. “you— you can’t do this!” the man stammers, trying to regain some semblance of courage; unfortunately for him, the tremor in his voice is unmistakable.

“do you really want to find out?” alhaitham asks, to which the man shakes his head vigorously. “get lost,” he mutters. the man, looking more pathetic than threatening now, quickly stumbles away, mumbling incoherent curses under his breath.

you’re breathless, still clutching the edge of his jacket, fingers trembling slightly as the adrenaline courses through you.

"are you alright?"

you nod, forcing a small, unconvincing smile."yeah... i’m fine. thanks to you."

alhaitham’s eyes narrow slightly, scanning you for any sign of injury. you follow his gaze instinctively, glancing down at yourself. that’s when you notice it —not on you, but on him.

streaks of red stain his forearm, where jagged shards of glass must have cut him during the confrontation. the gash bleeds steadily, a dark line of blood seeping through the fabric of his jacket.

"wait," you breathe, your heart sinking. "you're bleeding."

your stomach twists with guilt.

"why didn’t you say anything?" you exclaim.

he shakes his head, a dismissive gesture that does nothing to ease the knot forming in your stomach. "it’s nothing," he says, but the slight furrow in his brow and the tension in his jaw betray his words.

"nothing?" you fix him with a hard glare. "idiot… you just blocked a glass bottle with your arm, don’t try to downplay this."

you grab his sleeve, tugging it gently but firmly, the fabric sliding beneath your fingers as you pull it up. “—and unless you think an infection is ‘nothing’, you’ll let me take care of this."

"hold still," you murmur as you settle beside him on the couch, your supplies spread across the coffee table in front of you.

the scent of antiseptic fills the air as you take a disinfectant wipe and gently dab it against the gash. the sting of the alcohol makes him flinch slightly, but he doesn’t pull away. you mutter a soft apology, your movements slow and deliberate as you try to be as gentle as you can.

you open a tube of ointment, squeezing a small amount onto your finger before smoothing it carefully along the edges of the cut. the cool gel glides over his skin, and you can feel the tension in his arm ease ever so slightly under your touch.

“nǐ zhème guān xīn wǒ, huì ràng wǒ wù huì de.”

if you care so much about me, i might misunderstand you.

your fingers pause briefly, the words catching you off guard. you glance up at him, but he only averts his gaze, his eyes remaining fixed on a distant spot beyond the room.

misunderstand? misunderstand what, exactly?

the bandage wraps securely around his arm as you smooth it into place. as you tuck the end of the bandage, his voice comes again, just as soft, but no less clear.

“—wù huì nǐ duì wǒ yǒu gǎn jué.”

"—misunderstand that you have feelings for me."

your brain short-circuits, and in your shock, your hands jerk. in turn, the bandage tightens way too much, causing him to wince and tense up. before you can apologise, he lets out a light chuckle.

“suǒ yǐ nǐ dān xīn wǒ… nǐ shì bù shì gù yì ràng rén xīn dòng de?”

“so you're worried about me… are you purposely trying to make my heart race?”

his words only make you more flustered, and you find yourself fumbling to fix the bandage. “i’m sorry! i didn’t mean to—”

his chuckle only grows softer, and you catch the glint of amusement in his eyes. “it’s fine.”

you quickly finish adjusting the bandage, trying to focus on anything other than how your heart is now racing. (ironically)

“you seem flustered,” he comments casually, as if he isn’t the one who just made your head spin. “did i say something wrong?”

you shake your head quickly, hoping to hide the flush creeping up your neck. "no, not at all.”

his lips twitch into the faintest hint of a smirk.

"nǐ bù bì yǎn shì, wǒ xǐ huān nǐ hài xiū de yàng zǐ, tǐng kě ài de.”

“you don’t have to hide it. i like seeing your flustered expression, it’s quite cute.”

(oh this bastard!!!!)

you try to speak, but the words get stuck in your throat. what do you say when someone’s teasing you so openly —and they think you don’t even realise it?

after a long moment, he stands, “it’s getting late, i should get going.” alhaitham gives you a small, almost imperceptible nod, his eyes meeting yours for a brief moment —and there it was, that trace of softness reserved only for you.

he heads toward the door, you watch him, feeling a strange sense of emptiness when he turns away.

“i’ll see you,” he pauses. "...and thank you for tending to me."

you watch him leave, the door clicking softly behind him, and the silence settles back into the room.

you blink, taking a deep breath. what a rollercoaster of a day. yawning, you turn to start tidying up, but your eyes land on something on the couch.

it’s his jacket, draped over the armrest. you notice a tear on the sleeve, just where his injured forearm had been. what truly catches your attention, however, is a folded piece of paper slipping out of the pocket.

intrigued, you unfold it, revealing his neat, precise handwriting.

ACT VII: THE SECRET I’VE ALWAYS KNOWN.

To [Name], I once believed you to be little more than a nuisance. A bright, well-meaning nuisance, no doubt, but a nuisance nonetheless. One who seemed intent only on striving for perfection, always seeking to best me at every turn, not out of malice but out of some earnest desire to prove your worth. In my arrogance, I mistook your relentless pursuit for a need for recognition, as if you sought my attention in some petty rivalry. Though very quickly, you made me think otherwise. You saw the world differently, you also saw me differently. You didn’t treat me with the reverence others seemed to, nor did you shy away from challenging me. You refused to be seen as anything other than yourself; and that, in itself, was what made me admire you —what made me long to understand you more. Now, I find that I am standing with half a heart and an emptiness I never knew I could feel, because you showed me what it truly means to crave something more, something I never thought I deserved. You may think I’m a coward for not expressing my feelings more directly, perhaps you are right. I am a coward for fearing to lay bare the vulnerability of my heart. But even in my cowardice, know that my thoughts have always been of you. If you have seen through my silence and hesitation, if you understand my actions when my words fail me, then perhaps you have already known this truth. I care for you, more deeply than I can fully express. Though I may never be able to say these things as openly as I wish, I’d like you to know that my actions have always been my confession. Even now, I’m still a coward for you. So please, if you decide to give me a chance, I’ll be waiting at nightfall. Helplessly, Alhaitham.

you absentmindedly trace the edges of the letter with your fingers while your eyes skim over his writing for the nth time, the ink seeming to blur together with your thoughts as you try to process everything. your fingers curl around the fabric of his jacket, a foolish smile creeping onto your face.

tomorrow’s nightfall feels impossibly far away, yet you can’t wait for it.

alhaitham lays on his bed, his arm aches slightly from the injury, but it’s nothing he can’t ignore. plus, the bandage you had carefully wrapped around his arm is enough to keep the discomfort at bay.

(originally, he had only planned to meet you, slip you the note, and be on his way. things didn’t go exactly to plan, but either way, he hopes you’ve read it by now.)

of all the possibilities, he’s never accounted for the one he’d be at mercy of his own emotions; he had always prided himself on his rationality, his restraint. but now? he’s reckless, absurd, foolish even —he can admit that to himself. but he finds he doesn’t care in the slightest.

for as much as he is a coward in your presence, he is just as much a fool in your absence.

ACT VIII: UNDER THE RAIN, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.

“alhaitham isn’t really an expressive person, so don’t worry if he comes off as distant or uninterested. it’s not that he doesn’t care, he just… shows it differently.”

ah well, ‘differently’ indeed.

“—most importantly, alhaitham doesn’t waste time on people he doesn’t care about, so you must mean a lot to him.”

maybe you didn’t mind how your heart raced when you heard that.

“don’t fuss over it [name], you’ll know when he’s in love.”

how so?

if he was in love, what would it look like? would you be able to tell, or would it be just another one of those things you had to catch on to?

you wrapped the his jacket tighter around yourself, a faint smile tugging at your lips. it wasn’t the answers to those questions that mattered, but asking them in the first place —that was what made you realize you already knew all along.

the evening air is cool against your skin; a gentle breeze stirs the trees, their leaves rustling quietly, and your heart beats louder than ever, urging you forward.

in the distance, you spot him, standing still in the dim light. and without a second thought, you quicken your pace.

“haitham.”

the sound of your voice catches his attention as he turns to face you; you can’t help but notice how his gaze flickers down for just a moment, his eyes taking in on how his jacket looks on you, before meeting yours.

his posture is unnervingly perfect, rigid almost to the point of stiffness …is he nervous?

“hey,” he finally says, clearing his throat. “there’s something i need to tell you… though you’ve probably already figured it out. you’ve always been sharp.”

“i… ” he falters, and it’s the first time you see him hesitate. “i’m not sure how to put it… since i’m not exactly great at this.”

you tilt your head, subtly urging him to continue.

“but you’ve managed to make me care about things i never thought i would. and now i can’t seem to stop thinking about it —about you.” his voice lowers, softer now, but there’s a rawness there that’s unmistakable.

“i’m telling you this now, because not saying it... doesn’t feel right anymore."

suddenly, you feel a soft mist that barely kisses your skin, a slight chill against your cheeks, then a few tiny drops, until they start to gather in your hair, the beads of water slipping down the back of your neck, but you don't move. neither does he.

his hair is damp, sticking to his forehead, droplets trailing down his temple. his clothes cling to his frame, soaked by the rain, yet his attention remains solely on you.

“[name], i am irrevocably in love with you.”

you stand there, the rain falling relentlessly around you, the pitter-patter mirroring the frantic beat of your heart. the water trails down his face, but it’s hard to tell if it’s just the rain, or something else.

his lips part, as though he wants to say more, but the words seem caught in the storm, swallowed up by the downpour. the rain is cold, but his gaze? his gaze feels impossibly warm.

it’s only when you feel the dampness of his jacket beneath your fingers, that the words finally come. “you don’t need to convince me of that.”

you take a step closer, and for a moment, the world outside seems to disappear.

“i’ve known,” you add. “but hearing you say it,” you pause, allowing yourself a small smile, “makes all the difference.”

reaching up, your fingers graze his damp skin as you gently push a wet strand of hair from his forehead, the warmth of your touch lingering against his cool skin.

“'uhibuk aydan, alhaitham.”

i love you too, alhaitham.

a single droplet slides down his cheek, tracing the line of his jaw before falling to the soaked fabric of his collar. another follows. and then another. his breath catches in his throat, and a shaky exhale leaves his mouth.

you wrap your arms around him, and he sinks into your embrace, his hair tickling your cheeks, as his chest rises and falls against yours.

“you’re gonna make me cry too, idiot,” you murmur, burying your face in his chest, your eyes glassy. “you really are a fool,” you tease softly, a slight smile playing on your lips. “but only for me.”

slowly, his hands rise, trembling slightly, until they cup your cheeks, gently stroking it.

“la yujad 'ahad akhar 'urid 'an 'akun 'ahmaq min 'ajlihi.”

there’s no one else i’d ever want to be a fool for.

his palms are surprisingly warm despite the weather. his thumb grazes your cheekbone as he leans in, and the world falls away —nothing but the warmth of his presence and the soft press of his lips against yours.

“this is my first time in ten years seeing this guy cry! can you believe it?!” kaveh whisper-shouts, peeking out from behind the shrub.

nodding along, cyno agrees, poking his head out just right below the blond’s. “[name] is truly exceptional. though i must say, seeing alhaitham cry is quite tear-rifying.”

kaveh rolls his eyes in exasperation. “ugh, you and your puns.” he mutters under his breath while zooming in on his phone, which is currently recording the whole scene.

“quiet down, you two!” a voice hisses from behind them —tighnari, face flushed with panic. “they’re literally right there, and you’re making more noise than a herd of goats.”

“relax, we’re out of their line of sight anyway!” kaveh raises his phone higher, almost giddily, eyes glued to the screen. “and damn this is a good angle.”

tighnari exhales sharply, “you’re incorrigible.”

“look who’s talking,” cyno raises an eyebrow at tighnari… who’s also peeking out from behind the bush. (what a hypocrite)

…

“they kissed oh my g—” kaveh’s voice rises in disbelief, but cyno quickly covers his mouth with a swift hand. the three of them scramble to duck behind the bush just as you turn to glance in their direction.

(“is that… senior kaveh?” you squint your eyes, “cyno, and tighnari?”

alhaitham clears his throat before glancing over at his friends with a deadpan expression. “yes and unfortunately, they’re very invested in my personal life. so please don’t mind them."

you laugh, finding the whole situation a bit too amusing. “not in the slightest, but i’m sure they’ll never let you hear the end of it.”)

EPILOGUE: IN EVERY LANGUAGE, I HEAR LOVE YOU.

“how long?”

you blink, feigning confusion. “how long what?”

alhaitham’s eyes narrow slightly, an expression you know well. “how long have you understood everything i’ve been saying?”

you bite back a smile and offer a small shrug, “...ever since you started?”

his lips press into a thin line, and for a moment, you can’t tell if he’s upset or impressed. then, he sighs, almost amused. “and you let me embarrass myself all this time?”

“you were being honest,” you shrug, a smirk forming. “plus i knew you’d figure it out eventually.”

he huffs a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “may ideya ka ba kung ano ginawa mo?"

do you have any idea what you’ve done?

"mas lalong umibig sakin?"

made you fall in love with me even more?

you tease, but there’s a tenderness in your voice that softens the edge of your words.

“yes, and you really are insufferable,” he mutters with no malice. his tone is different now. softer. warmer, even.

you lean in slightly, a playful glint in your eyes. “that’s not what i heard you say before.” your fingers graze the skin of his cheek before you tenderly pinch it, giggling softly at the reaction you provoked.

in one smooth motion, he catches your hand before you can pull away and tugs you towards him, closing the distance between you in a heartbeat. you tilt your head back to meet alhaitham’s gaze.

you’ve often thought he’s the most-perfect boyfriend, undeniably handsome in every way —but there’s really just one flaw: his height.

“ugh, you’re too tall," you grumble, rubbing the back of your neck. "i’m having a neck sore just looking at you."

he quirks an eyebrow at your sudden words. “you could use a stepstool.”

"or," you counter, "you could get on your knees and save me the trouble.”

he slowly lets out a breath, his lips curling ever so slightly.

“'akida, 'antaziri hataa 'ashtari alkhatama.”

sure, just wait till i buy the ring.

"wh—"

he crosses his arms, "what’s wrong? isn’t that what people expect when someone gets on their knees?"

you roll your eyes, half-smiling. "fine, then i’ll eagerly wait for that day.”

his gaze softens as his hand reaches up, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face; his eyes drop to your lips for a moment, and you know what’s coming even before he speaks.

this fic was not sponsored by duolingo, but with the help of my beloved friends!! wouldn't have been possible w/o em please give them a round of applause xx

vietnamese — @https-sourlimes

tagalog / filipino — @vxnuslogy

arabic — @ughscara

chinese, japanese — me!

ty @mitsvriii for proofreading, love u all <3

and thank you for reading!! reblogs are appreciated ^^

pspspss check out the cool fanart / comic based on this fic here by @rei-plswork 🤍

MASTERLIST.

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rin-and-jade · 2 years ago

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Heres a reminder for you that being dissociated isn't limited to the common misconception where you are frozen in place, incapable of doing anything or even thinking, or experiencing a significant time gap,, those things. (This is a very important post, read till bottom so im happy!)

And while its hard to spot the milder signs when you're dissociating, don't worry i got you covered by bringing awareness, im showing what those signs could look like:

Dazing/blanking out several times

Hands looking weird (depersonalization)

Surroundings also looking weird (derealization)

Feeling detached emotionally, physically, or both

Light-headedness

Less reactive in responding

Forget things more often

Unable to focus or keep concentration straight

And many more..!

When you have multiple of those signs at once, then chances are you are dissociating (extra note that it can also co-occur with derealization/depersonalization). While it can be caused by various factors, i would like to add that it may or may not get worse as time passes and no one wants that thing to snowball until it got too bad (remember, preventing now is better than dealing later) so having a few tips would help:

Grounding (sensory): listening to music, feeling different textures, paying attention to things in your surroundings, trying different fragrant or scents, have some snacks to occupy your senses

Grounding (physically): feel your chest as you breathe, get your body moving to redirect focus, splash some cold water, hold something you can squeeze (such as a stress ball)

Practice being mindful. As it can help you re-anchor back to reality faster, regulate better, building more resilience, increasing awareness of oneself's state

Sometimes we go do our day without giving a thought that were detached from reality, usually by going autopilot and scrolling through social medias without being aware (well, atleast for me) and forget lots of things while being dysregulated at the end. So by being aware of the mild signs and incorporating grounding skills im sure memory gaps and those funny aftermath stuffs won't be a problem anymore, have a good day peeps.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that another sign is your hearing feels muffled, that you can hear sounds feel more distant despite close, i thought it could be grouped with the “less reactive” before.

EDIT 2: It is true that sometimes these techniques will not work,, so it's recommended to create a peaceful environment in hopes of going away sooner when waiting it out. grab some videos to watch, put some of your favorite musics or cuddle your soft pillows (if any, pets) and stay comfy! Do not stress about it because it'll be counterproductive. Full explanation at here.

- j

#did #did community #actually did #did system #dissociative identity disorder #did osdd #plural #system stuff #sysblr #Jeducates

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flying-fangirls · 5 months ago

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Not to be an English major, but my genuine favorite part of Malevolent is how it handles its themes. Overall Malevolent tackles such profound and interesting ideas to chew on, but it's specifically the approach it takes to those ideas that really gets me going.

For example, one of the major themes across several seasons and characters is identity. The podcast asks pretty standard questions like "How do you define yourself?" and "How do others define you?" But it doesn't choose to stop there! It constantly expands on that idea, and it also asks things like "Which of those definitions is the 'real' you?" and "Are any of them right, are any of them wrong?" and "Is there even a singular definitive version of you?"

Malevolent works out from one idea and poses all these rich lines of discussion and questioning, and then just. Doesn't provide an answer! Or, at least, not a single, one-size-fits-all answer. Instead, it gives us multiple possibilities:

John's arc tells us that your identity is what you make— what you say, what you decide— and no one else's definition of you matters. Arthur's arc tells us that you can get stuck in a rigid, self-deprecating personal identity, so you need others' perspectives to help you see and love the real "you." Larson's story tells us that you do not have the right to selectively accept/deny parts of your identity and actions, and that others can see the whole of "you" whether or not you take accountability for it. Noel's story tells us that you can choose what parts of your past define you, and that leaving behind all the other versions of yourself can be beautiful and empowering. Kayne's story tells us that leaving behind other versions of yourself is akin to murder, killing off the pieces that you don't like and pretending like you've evolved past your own self. Yellow's arc tells us that your identity is fluid and can easily be influenced or manipulated by what others tell you, and by that point you've changed your own self-definition to something entirely new that can be just as true or untrue as the old you.

With all of these characters and with every other character throughout the show, we get a unique answer to the question "What is identity?" And if you look further at all the characters, you can break down their different arcs over the seasons and find even more answers just within that one character's development and story. And some of the answers we get correspond, and some of them contradict, and none of them are the right answer, and all of them are the right answer.

Malevolent takes one idea, and then it crafts an incredibly nuanced and humanistic exploration of said idea that adapts with respect to whatever situation or character it is applied to. And it uses this approach with all of its themes: identity, morality, guilt, grief, love, hope, etc.

Malevolent knows that life is messy, that people are complicated and contradictory and diverse and ever-changing, that no part of the universe or humanity can ever be explained or defined in a simple manner. Malevolent knows all that, and it wants to help us understand that too.

Malevolent shows us that nothing can ever be easily understood or answered, and it shows us that that fact is beautiful.

#anyways #sorry for more overly-sappy rambling #i am incapable of ever being normal about this podcast #malevolent #malevolent podcast #malevolent analysis #cherrys rambles

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quantummindclassicalheart · 1 year ago

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I think Brennan did something interesting with the Porter and Gorgug scene in the last episode. Porter is by all appearances a competent Barbarian teacher. He understands the role of Rage and its mechanical combat benefits, and he even recognizes how Gorgug uses Rage to protect those he cares about. But he doesn't understand how multiclassing into a caster fits into that framework.

And it's true! In 5e you can't cast or concentrate on spells in a Rage. But-- Artificers work a little different than other casters! Alchemist Elixirs and Arcane Cannons aren't technically spells. Arcane Armor just works. And so does the Steel Defender.

Of any caster I think the Artificer is probably the best-suited to multiclass Barbarian because their key subclass features are largely not spells. But it also runs into the problem of requiring multiple high stats. Barbarians already want high STR and CON, and Artificers need INT for their spells and spell saves.

And so there's this narrative tension here. Brennan the DM obviously wants to let his player have fun with the character build-- embracing the creative artificer side of himself is a great character moment for Gorgug, bearer of the tin flower. Someone who has always channeled Rage to protect those he cares about but who has also been called to create and preserve beauty.

And yet mechanically, it's a difficult build. We didn't see Gorgug cast anything in the Night Yorb battle, as far as I recall? And in-universe, classes are a formally recognized thing that require approval. But Gorgug can't be the kind of Barbarian that Porter wants him to be. So he has to show that he can be a different kind of Barbarian-- one whose magic integrates and synergizes with his Rage rather than opposing it.

We see Gorgug still insecure about his homunculus and about the solar lasso, even though these are objectively impressive feats. So it's not a skill issue but an internal conflict-- it's only once Gorgug reconciles and synthesizes his magic with his Barbarian side that the in-world powers that be will recognize him for all of who he is.

#fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #fantasy high junior year spoilers #gorgug thistlespring #and just to be totally clear this is not a criticism of zac the player! this move made sense for the character #and it set up this great internal conflict for the character to navigate #i'm just remarking on how brennan and zac are using the rules of the system to produce an in-world conflict for the character #which is super fascinating

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sttoru · 1 year ago

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𝐌𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐔𝐒𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐃 . . .

⟣ sypnosis. you’re fed up with your rich abusive husband and finally decide to hire a skilled assassin to get rid of him in secrecy. one night when you’re left alone in your penthouse, you invite the assassin named toji over to give him the money he’s demanded to accept the job. things turn for the worse when your husband comes home early that day and catches toji and you together.

⟣ note. eeek. never thought i’d be here to write this out but i did and it turned pretty detailed if i must say. hope u all enjoy and appreciate my hard work. feedback / comments are greatly appreciated ! if the fic does well, i can make an alternative ending that’s smutty :3 wc: 7.4k

⟣ tags. toji fushiguro x female reader. angst, comfort. themes include abuse. reader is in an abusive + toxic relationship with her husband. implied age gap with husband. implied size difference with toji. mentions of guns + blood + m.urder. knifes.

“what is a successful marriage?”

that is one of the many questions that keep you up at night. you’ve laid awake for hours on end ever since you’ve married your husband, in search for reasonable answers. you’ve got many of them sorted out, however that specific question is one left unanswered.

it is very subjective—many can vary about the concrete answer. but one thing you know for sure is that your marriage is the exact opposite of what ‘successful’ means.

you were so full of yourself. you didn’t realise that your pride would also be your downfall one day; you’d constantly brag about having a rich husband who gets you everything you wanted. you were too blinded by love—or actually—by his money to notice the real him. the real, twisted and manipulative face of the man you were determined to marry.

his name was daisuke. from the yamamoto family. a family known in japan for its generational wealth and the many buildings and famous corporations it owns. you’ve worked at one of those companies and had met daisuke whilst he was on a visit. you’ve heard about his image by the public; sweet, caring and apparently wouldn’t hurt a fly.

unfortunately, the true him matched none of those descriptions. the true him only you—his wife—came face to face with at your shared home. you remember when it started. when daisuke began to turn into a nasty, abusive man whose anger is never restrainable.

your dating years were nothing but a dream. or, maybe you were too gullible to notice the signs and red flags your then boyfriend was showing. his love bombing, the manipulation, the gaslighting—you didn’t know better. if you complained about a minor thing that he had done, daisuke would apologise by sending you lots of money and presents. toxic, isn’t it?

but you didn’t care. you were happy and content with that being your compensation. the money was the evildoer that made you lose all your morals. the teenage you who said that you’ll never put up with a man’s disrespect was long forgotten.

even now, 4 years later, you put up with his verbal and physical abuse just to continue staying in that big mansion you live in. to continue getting everything paid for you. to continue getting lots of money by doing nothing but be his wife—his trophy wife, at this point.

it’s an easy life; ‘all i have to do is get through his abuse and it’ll be just fine’, you tell yourself that every night. it’s the only thing keeping you sane—a coping mechanism of some kind.

however lately, daisuke’s never skipped a day without being abusive towards you. he’d enter your home yelling and shouting, complains about the tiniest speck of dust in the house (which is not even your fault, it’s the maids’), reminds you how worthless you are in his eyes and the list goes on. he sometimes gets physical and throws stuff at you, causing multiple bruises and cuts to appear on your body after he’s done having his daily tantrum.

he might even kill you one day. it’s scary to think about; if he would, he easily could. he could one day just decide to be done with you and stick a knife in your body, leave you to bleed out and then order one of his men to get rid of your corpse. just like his family does to whoever stands in their way of success. you don’t want to discover how many people your husband has killed.

daisuke can easily get away with murder after all—the law is nothing but a thing to exist to keep the common citizens in the government’s control. to the rich, it’s like those rules don’t exist. court? justice? the so called independent judge? nothing money can’t buy. after all, money is power. money is innocence.

after four years of sticking with that rich man, you were getting tired. you were staying with him for his wealth, but was it actually worth it? besides, if daisuke hates you so much, why wouldn’t he divorce you instead? you don’t have anything going for you. except for your looks and youth, probably. that’s the main reason why daisuke coaxed you into marrying him—to show you off during events or parties. a complete and utter trophy wife you are.

you’ve been going to sketchy bars lately to let off some steam. you weren’t even there to drink alcohol. the sole reason for attending pubs was to forget about your own situation. you’d get weird stares since you’re always alone, sitting in that one spot in the far corner, no one wanting to come up to you because of that gloomy aura you’re emitting. and because you’re always dressed modestly from head to toe—not an ounce of skin showing. it was all the opposite of what most people would normally look and act like in bars.

‘what is normal?’ also a subjective question. society has turned it into an objective one, however.

“good day, miss.” a deep voice had interrupted your thoughts one day whilst you were doing your usual routine; sit near the bar counter, get a non-alcoholic drink, stare at the table for hours and question your purpose in life before going home to the reason of your problems.

a man, probably in his late 30’s or early 40’s, sat next to you on an available stool. he nonchalantly ordered a drink before making small talk. it was a nice change of pace for some reason. you had asked him his name. it was shiu.

that stranger had kept you company for hours until a call from your husband made you snap back to reality; you had to be home as soon as possible. judging by daisuke’s tone, you were in big trouble.

you remember how shiu outed his concern for your well-being by pointing out the bruises on your arm which you didn’t even know were showing.

you dismissed his worries with a fake smile and told him it was nothing, quickly pulling your sleeve back down. shiu seemed to let the topic go, but before parting ways with you, he handed you his business card. you didn’t know what it was for—what kind of services he could offer;

“call that number if you need someone to get rid of your problems,” was all you got before the mysterious man walked away. you couldn’t shake off the emphasis on the word ‘rid’. it sent a shiver down your spine.

that sentence of shiu’s echoed in your ears as tears streamed down your cheek after you arrived home. you were in your personal bathroom, hands shaking as you put a bag of ice on your fresh bruise, the small red and blue-ish area stinging. once again—you couldn’t avoid your husband’s wrath.

after having slept for a mere two hours that day in your bathtub, you’ve awoken to an empty house. daisuke was gone for work. luckily for you.

you hastily grabbed the business card in your purse and dialled the number. staring at the card, you’d think it was some kind of house cleaning service. that’s the kind of vibe it gave. little did you know that it was far from that.

a few rings later and you heard the same familiar deep voice in your ear; “good morning. with shiu kong.”

your heart was beating in your throat as you couldn’t gather the right words to say. maybe it was due to the little voice in the back of your head that warned you for something—you couldn’t pinpoint what the specific cause was just yet.

you answered eventually, “hi. uhm, you said i could call this number if i needed someone to get rid of my problems.” you pause and inhale deeply, “wh-what if my problem was.. a person? would you…” your voice trailed off, but the implication could not be missed by anyone if they heard the tone you used.

shiu seemed to recognise your voice, though stayed silent for a second or two at your request. when he replied, it sounded like he had expected you to ask him this—like he’s heard this many times before; “certainly.”

that’s when you realised what you’ve gotten yourself involved with. you were sweating and you had trouble breathing as you realised that.. this was your chance. to get rid of that man called your husband. your abuser.

you had decided to take on that opportunity and that’s how you ended up getting a phone call from an anonymous number right after your talk with shiu. the agent hadn’t told you anything other than the name of the person who’d contact you; ‘toji’, and said that he’d help you further.

you stared at the ‘no caller ID’ on your screen. this was him: the person who’d help you get rid of your problem. you gulped before sliding your thumb across your mobile to answer the call.

“hi, good m—”

“location.”

the husky male voice cut through your introduction and got straight to the point. your lips were parted to answer the man whom you guessed was ‘toji’, but your breath got caught in your throat for a second. do you just randomly give your address to a stranger? was that okay to do? you didn’t know—no, you didn’t care. if you got killed in the process or something similar, that’d be way better than to live another day in hell with your husband.

you dropped your address after some hesitation and toji just added a quick, ‘be there in an hour or so,’ before hanging up on you.

fast forward to 50 minutes later and you were pacing back and forth in your living room, trying to breathe properly and not have a second panic attack. daisuke wouldn’t be home until noon, so at least he won’t see whoever will enter your mansion in a few minutes. and if there’s a possibility that you get killed by this stranger, you’re sure that your husband would be more than happy that the job was done for him.

a loud tune. the sound of your doorbell. normally, you’d find the short melody relaxing, but now it sounded like something out of a nightmare. you made your way to your intercom and looked at the small screen—seeing a tall black-haired man with a compressed shirt and beige baggy pants standing near the gates. that must be toji—the man you talked to an hour ago.

he must be confident in his abilities since he didn’t cover up his identity at all when coming all the way over here.

you press a button and the gates open with a buzz. toji disappears from the little screen as he enters your front yard. the screen fades to black and you’re left alone with a sense of dread in your stomach. that only lasted for a couple seconds since the doorbell of your front door goes off.

“c-coming!” your voice cracks. you make your way over to the entrance of your home and breathe in. you open the doors slightly, peeking through the gap at the tall, intimidating man standing before you.

toji was kicking a rock to the side whilst waiting and looked up when you opened the doors. he seemed laidback, as if this was nothing but child’s play to him, “took ya long enough.”

you were appalled as toji simply barged into your home like he owned it. his strong, masculine cologne wafted through the air as he passed you by without giving you a second to process his intrusion.

your shaky eyes followed his bulky figure—the muscles that bulged through his shirt, which tensed every now and then. his aura was no joke either; it was horrifying to someone whom didn’t even know who he was or what he exactly did for a living.

“phewww,” the dark-haired man let out a low whistle as his eyes scanned the interior of the entrance hall, shamelessly touching a few expensive looking decorations, inspecting the material, “pretty damn rich, ain’t ya? this y’r daddy’s money?”

you shake your head and close the door behind you, staying there in case you needed to run. you are still wary of this situation, even when you had been the one that started this all.

“h-husband’s.” your voice was a quiet whisper. toji raised an eyebrow and turned his attention towards you. his eyes scanned you from head to toe. you looked pretty young. a fragile little thing, is how he described you in his head.

“husband? you?” toji chuckles dryly, before stepping closer to you, his body towering over yours. he lowers his head and stares at you from up close, his hands in his pockets whilst wordlessly looking at you.

you swallowed a bit of saliva and glanced back at the big man whom belittled you twice in just a couple seconds. you fumbled with the sleeve of your hoodie as the silence grew deafening—the only sound being your own soft yet shallow breathing.

your fingers scratched at the bruises under the fabric of your clothes, causing the cloth to slightly crinkle and glide up a few centrimeters with each rub before coming back down once your fingers stop. the instant you start touching those bruises, the itching just wouldn’t stop.

toji noticed this and looked down at your arm. his eyes caught a small glimpse of a wound on your wrist, but he didn’t seem to comment on it. with a sniff, he straightened his back and cocked his head to the right—face cold again as he glared at you;

“do ya know what kinda stuff i do?” his voice was booming, the deepness to it making you shiver. you press your lips together and search for answer, only to find nothing;

“n-no, i mean—“ your itching increases the more nervous you felt, “th-the man who directed me to you said you’d explain things further. all i know is that you can get rid of uhm— a problem of mine.”

toji scoffs and mutters something incomprehensible under his breath about his ‘stupid agent letting him do all the work’ before turning around. he lazily walks ahead as if he had all the time he needed in the world. once arrived in your living room, the man plops down on your couch, spreads his legs and leans back against the cushions. he really acted like he owns this place.

“i’m not the type to beat around the bush, little lady,” toji starts whilst his eyes follow you as you nervously sat on the chair next to the sofa, “so i’m gonna get straight into it. and if ya back down after this or get too scared ‘n call the cops, unfortunately, y’r pretty ass gotta go.”

toji swipes a thumb across his neck to indicate what that latter meant; killed. you’re gonna get killed if you learn his real identity and decide to expose it to anyone, especially the police. you blinked your tears away whilst thinking of that possibility and shook your head, putting on a determined face. you need to take responsibilities for your actions. you were the one who started this.

“all right. i promise that i won’t back down.” you reply after getting yourself together. toji’s eyes had left yours for a second to look around the grand living room—as if inspecting for something—before settling back on you. he quickly exhales through his nose; leaning his head on his hand while his piercing gaze burned holes in your skin,

“i’m an assassin.” toji says in a bored tone. he’s done this little introduction to his job so many times before to clients who hire him in for the first time, “i kill people in exchange for money. so, ya basically hired me to get rid of someone ‘nd i’m here to collect the money and information i need to finish the job. got that?”

there it was. the confirmation you needed and got without an ounce of hesitation coming from the man in front of you. you had expected this outcome (from the many you created in your head), of course, thus you weren’t that surprised. yet the fact that you actually have a hitman in your house, someone who can easily kill your husband, still makes you nervous.

“yes, thank you.” you eventually replied and nodded, taking a deep breath to calm your nerves. you looked up at toji and this time it wasn’t in a nervous way. this time it was in a determined way. toji notices this change and the scarred corner of his lip curled into a smirk.

“how much. . . money do you want for this job?” you go straight to the point. the dark-haired man grins whilst scanning your figure up and down shamelessly, enjoying the confident look on you. it suited you better.

“depends. who is it that i gotta kill?” toji asks, using his thumb to crack his index finger. you look around as if anyone could hear you. you were sure that no one was there with you, no maids no bodyguards no husband, yet your anxiety was still at its peak.

“my husband.” you reply quietly and point at the big picture frame on the wall near the chimney. it was a picture of daisuke and you. you seemed happy there, but it was all for show. that photoshoot was simply for his benefit, “daisuke. daisuke yamamoto.”

toji raises his eyebrow and stares at the picture. he’s heard of that name before. it was mentioned many times in the articles he reads. the assassin stands up with a grunt and walks to the chimney, letting out a small hum like he was thinking about it. not about if he could get the job done—no, his pride told him he easily could—but about the amount of money he wanted to get out of this.

there was a silence before toji turns around on his heels and walks over to the couch again, plopping down on the soft cushions whilst propping his feet on the table in front of him, “around seven million yen will do.”

that was about 50.000 dollars.

your jaw slightly dropped. it’s not like you haven’t seen nor heard of such big numbers before, it’s just that it was a little unexpected. but then again; nothing you can’t afford. with your husband’s money. the same money that ruined your life, is going to be used as a weapon to save it.

daisuke’s own money is going to be the death of him. and you’re the one to guarantee that.

“all right. i can get you that in cash.” you nod idly. your mind was clearly somewhere else—trying to remember the password to daisuke’s safe that was situated in a hidden room near his office. you recently found out that he keeps most cash, gold and other valuable pieces there, away from your sight. he was bad at hiding that fact from you, however.

one night, he came home drunk and it ended up with him confessing to you that he ‘won’t ever let a gold digger like you near his money again’ and proceeded to spill that he ‘has a secret safe which you won’t ever get your hands on’. eventually, you did. after a bit of snooping around, you easily found the hidden room behind a bookcase.

those fat stacks of money in there definitely add up to more than seven million yen. you’re sure of it. the only obstacle in your way is gathering that money. most of the time, daisuke locks his office before leaving home—or if he doesn’t—his maids will be in there cleaning.

“it will take me some time, but…” your voice trails off as a pensive look falls on your face. you bite your bottom lip and try to figure out something—a plan. toji catches your attention again by letting out a deep sigh. he dismissively waves your worries away with one hand;

“tha’s fine, lady. i need some time to prepare for this job too—it ain’t an easy one after all.” the assassin comments whilst scratching the scar near his lips, also seemingly deep in thought about his own plan, “bet he got lots of guards on his ass, too. tch.”

there was another thought in the back of toji’s mind that bothered him. normally, he’d be pissed off if his client didn’t prepare any kind of money beforehand. maybe some compensation bills, or at least a little thing he can have before they give him the full amount.

but with you, he seems not to mind. he wouldn’t be mad if he left this place empty handed for the time being. maybe he actually feels pity for your situation. or was it something else?

toji scoffs at his wandering mind and inwardly tells himself to shut up about such dumb stuff. getting his money is what’s most important to him. if you die afterwards, he wouldn’t care.

that’s what he tells himself.

“anyways. you should gimme all ya know about him. y’re his wife, right? ya should know his routine ‘n stuff that i can work with.” toji speaks up after the ten seconds of silence. you nod at his question—he wanted every single piece of information about your husband, so you’ll give him everything. no details excluded.

you pull out your phone and show toji pictures you took from daisuke’s computer in secrecy. pictures of his daily schedule for the upcoming month. your prior intention by taking those was to know when to be back home or when to avoid him, but they could be useful for this as well.

you continue to explain when and where daisuke holds his breaks, where his main office is located, the bodyguards that accompany him every day and when they leave him alone— all the information you gathered.

toji can’t help but be amazed by your memory. and the fact that you can recall everything, small or big, about your husband. it certainly did make his job easier; now he doesn’t have to pry out more hints on daisuke himself.

of course, you had your reasons for knowing all the miniscule facts about daisuke. it’s how you managed to survive those four years of marriage.

“good. tha’s enough.” toji nods and stands up with a grunt, stretching his arms—the muscles retracting. you couldn’t help but stare at them; he must have gone through a lot of training to become an assassin. a skilled one at that.

“before i go,” toji continues as he walks past you without looking back, heading straight for the exit of the living room, “you should delete all cctv footage that ya got going on ‘round here. i’ll take care of further evidence, yeah?”

toji moves his index finger in a circle, pointing at all corners in the house. he doesn’t want to risk anything, “i’ll call ya once i get things sorted out. then i’ll get to work when ya hand me the money.”

you nod and make a mental note for yourself to do that immediately once toji’s gone. you still had an hour or two before your husband would return. you don’t think he checks the cctv footage often (otherwise he’d have caught you sneaking into his office before), but it’ll be a big problem if he actually does and sees a random man in his home.

“will do. thank you.” you reply to toji and get up to politely see him out of your house. that’s when the realisation kicked in; your husband will be killed by this man right here in front of you. goosebumps appeared on your skin—not from fright. but from… happiness?

this stranger will end years of torment for you. yes, it’s his job. he’ll probably disappear after he’s got the money and completed your request, and yet, you can’t help but be extremely thankful.

without thinking, you reach out and grab onto toji’s wrist to stop him from moving. the assassin doesn’t stiff or tense up by this sudden touch. in fact, he’s already sensed it coming and allowed it.

toji’s actually more surprised by the fact that his mind and body allowed you to touch him. if it were anyone else, he’d probably have avoided their touch, broken their hand or worse—cut it off.

he moves his head to the side and looks at you from his peripherals, though not fully turning to you yet. he doesn’t speak up either; he’s waiting on you to go first.

your heart was somehow starting to beat even faster. you bit your lip and mentally cursed yourself out for pulling such an action; you could’ve just waited to show your gratitude through the phone.

well, either way, there was no going back now so you might as well spill your words of gratitude right this moment. you took a deep breath and parted your lips, ready to talk, but was then interrupted by your biggest nightmare.

a familiar, chilling voice. your heart drops. your body freezes.

“i knew it.”

a looming figure stood near the entrace to the living room. you recognised him instantly, as did your body, which went into an almost paralysed state. your mouth went dry, your hands started shaking and your eyes widened to the point you weren’t blinking anymore.

your husband, daisuke, appeared out of thin air in front of toji and you. his gaze was solely focused on the way your fingers were curled around toji’s wrist. to top it off, he had only heard the last bits of your conversation: something about deleting cctv and money. his brain hadn’t heard the entirety of it—he had already taken wrong conclusions in his head.

daisuke’s veins were on the verge of popping as he took two big steps towards you—you taking two steps back in response.

“i knew you were cheating on me, you fuckin’ slut.” daisuke spits with his finger pointed right at you. he was ignoring toji’s presence for the time being. he had to deal with you first;

“i work my ass off all day and night to provide for you and this is how you repay me? by inviting a random dude over whilst i’m gone? ungrateful bitch.”

two insults in a row; one more and daisuke’s putting his hands on you. it always went like that. your mind felt like it was emptied, but you somehow felt relieved that your husband didn’t seem to know the real reason of why toji had come over. daisuke really thought you were just cheating on him, and that your words of ‘deleting all cctv footage’ was to hide that infidelity.

“it’s n-not.. like that, daisuke.” you try to soothe the raging man in front of you, but your attempts were futile. he was just three quick steps away from resorting to physical violence.

toji, in the meantime, had stepped off to the side. you were only his client, thus there was no need to interrupt a couple’s ‘dispute’. you weren’t anyone dear or special to him—just a client. a stranger that owes him money to perform a job.

the assassin leans against a nearby wall, crossing his arms over his chest whilst watching the scene unfold. it was unfortunate that toji’s target was right there in front of him; he could just kill him right now. get the job done and over with. but, once again, toji only got to work if he had the money. he only assassinates when his skills are paid for. not any earlier and not any later. those were his morals—the rules he lives by.

if toji wanted to, he could simply walk away and let you handle this stuff by yourself. daisuke accusing him of being your ‘thing on the side’ didn’t bother him. as long as your husband doesn’t know his real identity, he’s fine with whatever accusations that get thrown at him.

but, for some reason—the same reason from earlier—his body was yelling at him to stay. toji sighs; he knows he won’t ever win a battle against his heart’s needs. he decides to stay.

daisuke still doesn’t seem to care about this; all the man wants is to out his anger and accuse you of things he now has enough ‘evidence’ for. he was seething and fuming at this revelation.

“god knows what else you’ve done behind my back. i bet he isn’t the only one you’ve fucke—“

“stop! i’m not cheating,” you finally yell back. it was the first time in a while that you had gathered the strength to do so. it felt good now that you had stuck up for yourself, but you knew how this would end for you—probably on the floor. crying.

despite all of that, you decided to keep on going. it’s now or never: all you have to do is make up a lie, probably withstand daisuke’s anger again and hope it doesn’t kill you. just this once; all you have to do is survive this once and then you’ll be freed from him.

you’ll give toji his money and he will do the job for you. just a few more days—

“he’s.. he’s my friend’s husband. i invited them both over and he just arrived earlier than expected.” you quickly made up. it sounded a little convincing to you. toji’s low snicker of amusement in the back confirmed that it maybe was the opposite of convincing.

daisuke scoffs at the pathetic attempt of hiding your ‘infidelity’. with another step forward, he raises his voice a notch; “yeah, right! what a pathetic excuse.”

a second step—you were waiting on that third curse. that third swear word that would set hell loose in this house, “do you really think you can fool me with that? huh?!”

it hadn’t happened yet. you still had time to think of a plan to perhaps escape this situation. your eyes flickered over to toji, although it didn’t seem like he’d be of any help. of course, he’s just an outsider after all. a stranger whom you just met today.

assassins have already disregarded their heart emotions the moment they decided to go down the path of killing for a living. you wouldn’t even blame toji for not stepping in. you’re also but a stranger to him.

toji could see the glimmer of hope in your eyes when you looked at him. or maybe it was a call for help. a desperate look. he can’t tell the difference. though, what he can tell, is that there was a gnawing feeling in the pits of his stomach. a gut feeling that told him it’d be smart to interfere.

but there’s his rational thoughts that tell him to not get involved—to avoid any more trouble than needed. besides, what other benefits would it bring him if he did? toji doesn’t want to be seen as a hero or saviour by anyone.

his jaw clenches as the time ticks. only a couple seconds left before the cold-hearted assassin has to make a decision.

daisuke’s patience was running low. the tension was increasing and could burst at any given moment now. one wrong move and you’re done—

one wrong breath could result in the worst possible outcome.

your silence spoke volumes to daisuke. the way you held your head low, your eyes that flickered from the floor to the ceiling, your fingers that nervously fumbled with your clothes and your bottom lip that trembled unstoppably. that pissed him off.

everything about you pissed him off. daisuke didn’t see any benefits of having you around anymore. he hadn’t for the long time, however didn’t know how he’d get rid of you.

divorce? no, he’ll have to give some of his earnings to you. kick you out? a possibility, but that would ruin his reputation. blackmail? that option was now the best choice. he’s caught you with another man after all. with camera evidence.

but, daisuke wouldn’t be satisfied with that outcome. his rage was blinding him—more than usual. he has to make you learn your lesson. in a way that will have you begging for your life to be spared.

and thus, the last step was made. the deciding hands were raised—aimed for your neck. the final curse had left his lips;

“come here. i’ll show you how whores like you should be treated.”

killing intent. it was the first time you’ve seen daisuke’s gaze darken that much, his demeanour emotionless yet full of rage. you close your eyes and expect for the worse.

“tha’s enough.”

everything went blank to you. it was silent, your vision was black, your hands were above your head, your heart felt like it wasn’t beating anymore—had you met your end? had you already been murdered?

in that same instant, you could feel drops of liquid splatter on your face. a faint ringing sound in your ears—it sounded like fireworks had been set off. a loud ‘pop’ sound.

something hit the ground right after. it wasn’t your body since that someone or something landed right at your feet.

after that: utter silence.

you gathered all your strength once more and slowly opened your eyelids. your vision was a bit blurry, though the first shape you could make out was one of a man on the ground. and not just any man—it was the man whom you hated most. at your feet.

you would’ve never thought of seeing that image before. of your husband laying at your feet; both literally and figuratively. a red liquid gushed out of his head and soaked into your shoes.

a normal wife would’ve let out a blood hurling scream at the sight of her lover laying lifelessly near her. a normal wife with a healthy relationship, that is.

you did let out a scream at the sight of your husband laying lifelessly near your feet. but that wasn’t done out of panic for your husband’s life—or due to the pain you were in to see him dead.

it was purely because you hadn’t seen a corpse before.

“d-daisuke..?”

a normal wife would’ve called out her husband’s name in a futile attempt that he’d answer back. that all of it was a dream. that her beloved wasn’t dead.

your reason wasn’t anything close to that. you called out that name in hopes he wouldn’t answer back. that all of it wasn’t a dream. that your abuser was dead.

it was real. you were glad, yet extremely disturbed by the fact that there was a corpse at your feet. you didn’t want to see all of it happening—that wasn’t part of the plan.

you stumble back a bit, hands clutching onto the chair you bumped into as you did your best to avoid the gruesome scene before your eyes. you just wished someone would clean the mess as soon as possible.

it’s then that your gaze fell on the other person present in the room; the man who was standing with a gun in his hand. toji scratched his head with the barrel, cold eyes looking down at the corpse with a faintly visible disgusted expression.

the assassin clicks his tongue as he walks towards the lifeless body and puts the sole of his shoe on daisuke’s cheek as if he was stepping on a pile of dirt, moving the head back and forth to check for any possible ounce of life in there.

there was none. the soul had left its body almost instantly after that bullet went through his brain. toji sighs; this time at himself for acting irrationally, “should’ve tortured you to death for tryin’ to put y’r hands on that lady instead of givin’ you the easy way out.”

with a harsh kick to the head on the floor, toji gathers some of his saliva on his tongue before spitting on the man. doubling the disrespect; “consider yourself lucky.”

toji cocked his head to the right. that’s where he spotted you with a familiar look on your face. the expression of someone who just went through a traumatic experience. he’s seen many people react like you when facing a near death experience or when witnessing somebody die before them.

usually, he’d tell them ‘it’s normal, get used to it’ and leave it at that. this was different. it felt different with you.

“are you okay?” the words slipped out of toji’s mouth before he could hold them back. his tone was a mixture of genuine concern and confusion. the latter was due to his own state of mind at the moment.

you didn’t answer, but you put your hands on your mouth as if you were going to puke any moment now. your vision was getting blurry with tears, head spinning and body feeling numb and weird.

toji hesitates before stepping towards you. his hands reached out to hold you, though he stopped them. he’d figured you wouldn’t be comfortable with him touching you in any way or form. he just killed someone in front of you—

it’s not like you cared that it was your husband. that much was clear. you sniff and glance up at toji with such a relieved yet devastated expression that his arms instinctively wrapped around you and pulled you into his warm embrace.

it was an awkward hug since toji doesn’t really know the basics of comforting someone. he was a bit stiff, but you didn’t show any discomfort due to that fact. instead, you clung onto his body and left tear stains on his black shirt.

“shhh, shh. it’s fine. it’s okay.” toji whispers, whilst his big hands indecisively move around, trying to find a spot to rest on. one eventually lands on the back of your head whilst the other starts to slowly rub up and down your spine, “it’s over, yeah? all of it—it’s over.”

toji doesn’t have a clue about the exact details of what your life was like. why you asked him to kill your (now ex-)husband was none of his business. all he knew was that he was going to get paid for it, so he didn’t care what the reason was.

it wasn’t like he hadn’t noticed the scars and bruises on your body throughout your conversation either—but that as well—was none of his business. assassins do their job without any further questions. there was no need to have personal connections or relations with their clients.

yet, toji was going against those unspoken rules once more. all because of you. for you.

“thank y—you.” your voice was weak as you speak up. it sounded hoarse and tired, though the sense of gratitude was undeniably there, “thank you, thank you, thank you.”

a series of ‘thank you’s’ leave your lips whilst your body and mind were still trying to recover from the whole ordeal. toji was trying his best to keep by your side until you calmed down. that’s the least he could do—after the fact that he singlehandedly got rid of the main problem in your life.

“no need to thank me, lady.” the dark-haired man whispers, allowing you to mess up his shirt with your tears and tugs, “i did what i had to do.”

toji didn’t actually have to do what he did. he never does his job before he’s guaranteed the money. however this time, it was a different story. he did it without thinking. he had to. his body was telling him to move—and in a flash—it was done.

he tries to tell himself that it’s just him slacking off. that he isn’t possibly starting to care about another person. he shouldn’t; those complicated emotions would stand in his way. and yet. . .

“c’mere.”

toji lifts you up bridal style while you keep quivering against his shoulder. his hands had a tight grip on your body, his eyes a sharp gaze on the mess he created. with a sigh, he takes you upstairs to a random room—kicking the door open.

toji carefully puts you back on your feet and guides you to sit on the edge of the kingsized bed. he absentmindedly brushes a few strands of your hair back after wiping some more tears away from your face;

“i know it’s a lot to take in,” toji kneels down before you, looking up with an unreadable expression whilst wiping the tears from your cheeks. his warm palms make contact with your skin and it’s like you’ve forgotten all about what just happened, “but is it okay if ya stay here while i go take care of the rest? i’ll come back once i’m done.”

toji has his own ways of cleaning up after he’s done a job and most likely wants to put one of those techniques to use before any maid or guard comes to check in on the house situation. you sniffle and hiccup afterwards, trying to form a verbal response through your broken sobs, but to no avail.

you simply nod and lean into toji’s calloused hands—such rough and masculine hands—ones that were meant to protect instead of hurt you. you weren’t able to trust men after your marriage, however this one in front of you was unlike any other. even if he may not seem like it on the outside.

his touch was gentle yet firm. the pads of his thumbs swiped the wet skin under your lower eyelashes and you could’ve sworn toji’s gaze had softened for a split second before he caught himself.

he had to stand up, get rid of the mess and leave the place before he got too attached to you. the assassin cannot make such a grave mistake.

“i promise,” toji speaks up after a bit again, standing up after giving you a soft pat against your shoulder, “you’re fine. i’ll be back—ya have my word.”

there he goes; making promises he knows he probably can’t keep. ‘i’ll be back’, will he? he can’t. for your own safety. he has to treat you as just another client. none of what he did in this house could be spoken of anymore.

he slipped up this once. it needn’t to happen again. money. he does his jobs for money—when he obtains the money. he doesn’t kill his targets for the sake of others, for the protection of others.

he doesn’t kill for love.

toji wishes that all of this had never happened, because he knows that his heart will lead him back to you at the end of the day. he knows he won’t leave once he cleans up the mess downstairs. he’ll come right back to you.

and you have faith in that. you trust this stranger whom had practically saved your life with just one shot.

“i don’t know how to repay you.. thank you.” you manage to mutter through shallow breaths. you stare at the back of toji’s head as he makes his way to the door. he stops in his tracks to reply to your comment.

he stands still at the doorway and looks over his shoulder at you—the scarred corner of his lips twitching;

“prepare the money. tha’s how you can repay me.” toji replies and you don’t know if he’s joking or being serious because of that little grin on his face. a breathy chuckle follows and then the assassin disappears.

the door closes and you’re left alone in this space. left alone in the silence of the home that had treated you as its prisoner. you remember how your husband used to lock you up in your bedroom whenever you had done something to piss him off; taking away your freedom by keeping you in a room.

now it’s yours—your life is yours. you’ve fully gained your freedom back and can decide what to do for yourself. it seems like a foreign situation, a foreign world, a foreign concept; you can now actually do whatever your heart desires. without any restraints.

“what is a successful marriage?”

well, to you, it’s one with a satisfactory ending.

🏷️ : @satoruhour @squicksquak @omgeto @xmintpie @cursingtoji @obsidiannero @elmoees @x1aosg1rl @fushironi @ceceher @ajax1230 @toji-is-hot @jayugh @rinshoe @sligerate @satoryaa @luveblad3 @happystrawberrytyrant @ezraiix

#sttoru writes.#jjk x reader #toji x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x you #toji x you #jjk fic #jjk x y/n #toji fushiguro x reader #i tried my best :#:(…

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olderthannetfic · 8 months ago

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hi, as someone who is tragically gen Z and only ever read AO3, can I ask: what was so great about LiveJournal? Like, I know that there were fics posted there (and I've even read about the "purge", so I get why it isn't used anymore) and that it was sort of a forum-type thing. But what I don't understand, wouldn't Tumblr fill in the latter function? How was that site any different? I see a lot of people reminiscing about it and I'm confused

A big factor in LJ's greatness is timing and nostalgia.

It was genuinely great, but it wasn't quite as great as all of the Lo, shall the Golden Age ne'er come again? posts suggest.

LJ arrived at a pivotal time in the development of the internet both in terms of technical stuff and how many people had access. Many fans who are now in their thirties to fifties first discovered fandom through LJ and many were at a time in their lives when they were feeling energetic and up to making lots of new friends—and to figuring out how to make a site work for them.

I got on LJ in 2002 when it required invites. Fandom arrived in droves in 2003, first via coordinated campaigns to get invites to key people and then when LJ opened up free account creation to everyone. Back then, LJ's features sucked. It was impossible to search properly, among other things. At its height (2005-7, let's say), there was a reasonable site search, and fans had developed all sorts of community resources for finding each other.

People often remember this phase but not the early days of suckitude.

This development parallels how Tumblr used to not have that private chat feature and how a lot of fuckyeah[whatever] type tumblrs have helped curate the site and make it much more usable for fans. Fandom draining away from LJ after strikethrough also parallels people draining away from Tumblr after the purge.

There are people who talk about Tumblr the way my cohort talks about LJ...

And to the shock of no one, they are people who came of age on Tumblr, who found fandom via Tumblr, who were on Tumblr during pivotal times in their lives and ones when they had energy to make friends and figure out how a site worked.

Those same Tumblrites are now making all the same geriatric-sounding posts we LJers do about how other sites lack the required features to be good for fandom while missing that 90% of tumblr's "features" at its height (2012-2016, let's say) were actually fan-created and were basically the same as any fandom newsletter or links page or all the versions of this kind of personal curation stretching back to long before the internet existed.

What life phase you hit a site at matters.

With all of that said, no, LJ was not a forum. It was a blogging site with threaded comments.

The key point to understand is that conversation was always happening in a specific person's space. Unlike on a true forum, people were in the comments on a particular post in a journal owned by another fan. (On a forum, there's the first post in a thread, but it's still more of a communal space with less of a hierarchy.)

Overall, the LJ format can have a feeling a bit like you're over at someone's house for tea. There's more of a sense of intimacy and also behaving yourself in front of community members.

Tumblr being obscure and impossible to find anything in does give it some of the same vibe relative to Twitter, but it's still part of modern social media that tries to shove every rando into the face of every other rando.

But it wasn't just vibes: LJ also had robust privacy features where you could lock a post to this or that group of friends. You could moderate your comments section properly. Tumblr has far fewer controls to force people to behave or leave on a technical level.

The biggest thing many people miss about LJ is the threaded comments. At least by late LJ and on Dreamwidth, you can expand and collapse threads, making it far easier to deal with a massive comments section. But more than that, things are properly threaded with multiple levels of hierarchy that are all easily visible in the same place.

On Tumblr, it used to be extremely difficult to find all of the actual commentary on a post. Nowadays, it's far easier, but you still have to scroll chronologically, and multiple versions of a post with a long chain of commentary may be much more divorced from each other than what would happen in a LJ comments section.

But could we use Tumblr pretty much how we used LJ?

We could.

I do.

The key things that people tend to miss about LJ, aside from the younger and more excited version of themselves or the friends they've lost since then, are:

Heavily text-based

It may sound odd on the modern internet, but there are a lot of people whose brains don't like or handle an image-heavy site well. They were everywhere in SF book fandom. They were everywhere on the early internet. Today, they're hanging out on Dreamwidth and still going to their SF cons. They're usually not on Tumblr.

You could follow the discussion

Threaded comments help, but a lot of it is about having some place you can check for updates. It wasn't actually that easy to follow big LJ discussions unless you were subscribed to comments and reading along as things were happening instead of coming along after the entire mass of comments had been left.

The tone of the discussion is intellectual and one's enemies are "idiots", not "problematic"

All this requires is a penchant for longwindedness and an itchy blocking finger to remove anyone slinging ad hominems from the comments section.

On tumblr, it's as simple as conversations happening in the replies on a popular account and that person not tolerating suibaiting and threats.

(And make no mistake, a lot of LJ discussion was in the comments on popular accounts, not spread equally between everyone's.)

It does require that multiple people like that tone and want to engage in that way, but lots of people do want to.

These days, I interact with tumblr by checking my askbox and reading my activity page. The vast, vast majority of my posts are ones where I'm the OP, so if I block someone, they're booted from the discussion entirely.

For me... yeah, Tumblr functions almost exactly like LJ.

Also like LJ, while I'm hosting the conversation, if you hang around, you'll see the same people again and again in the comments. They may or may not also host that kind of conversation in their space, and there's a larger pool of lurkers who have some notion of which people count as regulars. Other people are watching from the shadows, enjoying or deriding the takes of the usual crowd.

People presumably do like reading my lengthy commentary or they wouldn't be here, but my tumblr wouldn't be popular like this without a healthy pool of other people who chime in regularly. It's not just that there are more people: it's that you see the same people over time. There's a bit more sense of place and community than on some parts of the internet.

So, in my opinion, the failure to just recreate LJ fandom on Tumblr was a skill issue.

Threaded comments were great, but LJ culture came from mailing lists, and mailing lists had the same issue as tumblr with the diverging threads.

We solved that back then by clipping out only the parts we wanted to respond to (you'd write "snip" around the quotation to show it was incomplete). We solved the smaller LJ issue by linking to other posts we were referencing and doing discussion link roundups. We solve it on tumblr by, again, linking to what we're talking about and even quoting multiple reblog chains in our own reblog of just one chain.

Tumblr's technical features and even general crap-ness aren't really the problem. 90s and early 00s sites regularly went down for periods of time unthinkable today.

The missing piece is people.

When one is in an active fandom with others who curate or with friends who let one know what's up, a site with imperfect features is easy to figure out and retrofit for fandom's needs. When one already feels out of touch and is between fannish passions—or at least fannish passions anyone else cares about—seeing the potential in a new site is hard.

Threaded comments are different and better.

LJ's built-in way to see everyone's blog in your own style was better. The automatic timestamps and the ease of seeing a paginated archive of an entire blog was better than tumblr's endless scroll and lack of clear date labeling. But some of that can be fixed with xkit or knowing your way around tumblr well.

A lot of it is nostalgia for the lj era and a refusal to take the time to figure out how to use tumblr in an oldschool internet way.

So by all means, people, weigh in about what made LJ great or how the culture felt at the time...

But if I see one more god damn response going "You can't have a conversation on tumblr!" in reply to my tumblr, which contains nothing but conversation, I am coming for you.

#fandom history #fandom meta

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robin-evry · 4 months ago

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𝐈𝐅 𝐘𝐔𝐔 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐎𝐍 🐉🐉

A dragon is a magical legendary creature that appears in the folklore of multiple cultures worldwide. The Oriental Dragon (also known as the Eastern Dragon) is another one of the world's most commonly known dragons. They are found in folklore, mythology, and religion all throughout East Asia. These dragons all symbolize different things, varying depending on the culture and folklore.

( English is not my first language)

I imagine dragon!yuu having a serpentine since Eastern dragons, also known as Chinese or Asian dragons, typically have long, sinuous bodies, resembling a snake with limbs. their length can vary greatly depending on the context and depiction. While there isn't a standard measurement for these mythical creatures, they are often portrayed as being significantly long, sometimes hundreds of feet in length.

They are covered in fish-like scales, which can vary in color and size depending on the dragon's type and environment. Scales often have a shimmering quality. The underbelly is usually a different color or texture from the rest of the body, often smoother and softer.

Plus their stomach Highly adaptable, capable of digesting almost anything. In some legends, dragons have a second stomach for storing treasure.

Once a month they tend to shed their dried skin into a new lighter and shinier one than before, and they can use the leftover skin to sell for money.

In their human form, I imagine them being able to hide their dragon features from the school. But they can still show their dragon features in human form. Basically its similar to Dan heng and his imbibitor lunae form from HSR

I also imagine them not revealing others about their true identity much later in the storyline, maybe during Leona overblot dragon!yuu reveal their true identity because it takes place in an area that is full of sand.

Before the reveal of their true identity, students and staff believe that dragon!yuu is only able to water magic or they excel at water magic so they use it more often then other forms of magic.

Dragon!yuu are able to use some ancient magic that allows them to control and create space, they use a spell to create their own realm to stay at by putting a symbol on a door or just put a spell on an object that can open as a door like a suitcase, or teapot to build their realm in.

It's basically like the teapot in genshin. A living space for the traveler, inside the teapot is a realm, where dragon!yuu sleeps it's basically a mansion and a large lake nearby, the mansion is newly built for grim or the first year if they want to sleep in the teapot.

Some students would definitely sneak for dragon!yuu help since dragons in some cultures bring good luck and protection, so they have been trying to take advantage of these abilities. Specifically Azul.

Azul would definitely try to convince dragon!yuu to give up their power and give it to him, since dragons in eastern culture are portrayed as very wise, and it's gonna be more complicated.

Since eastern dragons are portrayed as being more connected to water and weather, dragon!yuu would have the ability to manipulate the weather so when they feel down a bit it will start to rain.

I imagine dragon!yuu would be interested in the history of twisted wonderland, Mr trein most favorite students. You can find them browsing the libraries for history. And be interested in collecting items by doing this basically they're preserving those items. In their teapot or a room in ramshackle there's an entire room filled with ancient artifacts, And there's one specific shelf that holds items they received In twisted wonderland, so if they're leaving twisted wonderland the memories of NRC would be preserved in these items.

Dragon!yuu also have the talents of engineering, Crowley commission dragon yuu to create a device that allows them to control the weather,Sometimes dragon!yuu have trouble sleeping so they also create a device that releases a special mist that helps anyone to have a blissful sleep and helps whoever is struggling with sleep.

#not canon #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland yuu au #twst headcanons #twst scenario #twst yuu au #dragon!yuu #twst mc #twst #twst x pokemon #malleus x reader

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gibbearish · 11 months ago

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so this post has been made unrebloggable now (shocker) but ive been feeling the need to address it since i saw it on my dash multiple times, so let's explore how lying on the internet works. more specifically, how blending truth, lies, and omissions to whip uninvolved people into anger works, because i think this is an excellent example and that pointing out the misinformation and the tactics used to spread it here is important, both in correcting the specific falsities but also in helping recognize similar tactics in the future.

so here we have several things that are technically true: staff has been very openly shitty to trans women for a long time and them banning predstrogen is clearly part of that, there is currently a movement regarding discussing transmisandry/transandrophobia, transmisogyny and transphobes sending transphobic asks is by far nothing new, and baeddel is/was a slur. however, among all of this are half-truths, unprovable speculation, or outright lies made to make you believe these events are originating specifically from transmascs.

firstly, the transandrophobia movement has been drastically misrepresented here in the same way it has been for the whole argument, "they're just trans MRAs" has been repeated so many times now that i'm gonna be hearing it in my dreams when i'm 80. i can understand not being willing to address the nuance of that whole discourse in one post that isn't directly focused on that, i'm certainly not, but in this example it's not unwillingness to address a complicated topic, it's a deliberate misrepresentation to frame one side of the discussion as The Evil Bad Ones That Can't Be Trusted. additionally, this post IS about that discourse and is just pretending it isn't to mislead a wider audience, so refusing to address it at all beyond this brief mention is deliberately misleading people about the goals of the group because They're The Other Side Of The Discourse. "transmisogynists" is used as a buzzword here, it doesn't actually refer to Anyone Who Hates Transfemmes, it refers to Transmascs Who Discuss Transmasc-Specific Oppression Using A Word They Coined To Point Out That Queer Spaces Have A Big Problem With Masculinity and just. doesn't tell you that's what it means, relying on the structure and framing of the post to create the Transmisogynist = Transmasc association in the audience's head so op doesn't have to say it outright (and of course the implied Transmasc = Transmisogynist association that follows because creating THAT association is the Actual Point of this post). the mentions of transmascs in this post are designed to look like afterthoughts, op says "typically those who espouse transandrophobia" to make it look like they're saying there's other people they're referring to here too, but almost everything in this post draws from the transandrophobia discourse. some random cis transphobe in texas has never heard the term baeddel in their entire life much less used it in a debate about transphobia, this is an intercommunity argument through and through, but op is trying to mask the fact that they're just referring to "transmascs who disagree with me specifically" and make it look like it's part of a wider trend. and again, i'm not going to go into the nuances of transandrophobia here, but i highly recommend reading some of the theory on it by @nothorses (x) and @genderkoolaid (x) because the "theyre just trans MRAs" argument kinda just collapses under its own weight as soon as you look into it even a smidgen. i've linked a couple broad overviews there but they both discuss it frequently and in-depth, specifically nothorses has a pinned post linking to many different discussion threads that i would recommend checking out if you do want to learn more about what the actual conversation surrounding these words is.

so, after framing the movement this way, they go on to say that the reason predstrogen was banned wasn't /just/ because staff has a long and established hate boner for trans women, but because the transandrophobia movement was teaming up with TERFs to mass-report her and other transfemmes, and implies that this is part of a deliberate conspiracy between Transandrophobia Truthers™, TERFs, and staff. you'll notice that there are no, say, screenshots of transmascs saying theyre deliberately reporting her or of that they're working with TERFs, behind-the-scenes lists of people who reported a certain account, or any evidence for this beyond "she was a trans woman, they're trans men who hate trans women, she got banned, so these must be related". which i find especially funny now given that photomatt has continued melting down about this since it happened and made it pretty clear it yknow. was just part of staffs ongoing hate campaign against trans women that has been going on much longer than the transandrophobia debate? and that maybe the fact that The Literal CEO is having a personal meltdown about this might explain where that could be coming from or at least why it's been allowed to continue for so long, moreso than any individual users reporting someone could? but i digress.

who reported what account is completely unprovable as a casual user unless people directly admit they did it, so to bring it up like this begs the question of what actual reasoning they have for saying it beyond trying to tie a current display of bigotry into an unrelated discourse. that's not to say it's impossible people who discuss transandrophobia were wrongfully reporting her, because again, thats something we have no way of knowing, and the internet is a shit place so i wouldn't be surprised. but given the circumstances and the rest of the lies here, i have my doubts about this being an actual yknow. Thing That Happened rather than just another lie to make people mad at transmascs. now one could make the argument that op wasn't saying transmascs are /deliberately/ teaming up with TERFs/staff, that "teaming up" was just a poor choice of words to refer to multiple groups who happen to have the same goals in mind at the same time but aren't actually coordinating with one another, but given the deliberate misinformative slant of the rest of the post and the overall phrasing in this section, i have trouble extending that grace. regardless, however, that doesn't change that who is reporting who isn't something verifiable, so stating it here as a confirmed fact is disingenuous at the absolute best, and a lie chosen specifically because it's unprovable at worst. if op /does/ have proof that transmascs have been teaming up with TERFs to get trans women banned, not including that with this post is just uhhhhh dumb, and if op /doesn't/ have proof then Why Would You Go Around Telling People That's What Happened Unless You Were Lying To Them On Purpose With Ulterior Motives.

next, op goes on to discuss the rise of the term baeddel. now as i said before, the truth here is that it certainly was a slur and certainly can still be used as one, again the internet is a shit place so i would be a fool if i tried to say "no one is using this as a slur". however, this is once again a drastic misrepresentation of the situation. baeddel's rising use is due to certain trans women reclaiming it and aligning themselves with the original group's politics, namely that femininity is good and masculinity is bad (aka terfism 101), with the added caveat that by abandoning femininity for masculinity, transmascs are evil and betraying devine womanhood and their community by putting more Evil Manhood into the world. of course that in turn is a drastic oversimplification of their politics and i highly recommend checking out this post with an actual in-depth exploration of the history (and without my added flavor), but the important part to note here is that this is not a term transmascs just Started Using one day because they hate transfems so very much as is implied here, its use is directly tied to a group of people saying "hello, here is what i am, and here is what this word means about what i believe," so others went "ok, these specific beliefs are called this." bringing up the fact that it historically was a slur is misdirection here, when you look closer this is almost a 1 to 1 translation of TERFs crying that TERF and radfem are slurs because People Don't Like Their Politics And Therefore Them, so the name for their politics is used negatively, so therefore it's a slur. that argument just has a little more oomph behind it this time because It Was A Slur Originally. and again, that isnt to say no one is now using it as a slur, the rate of decay for online discourse is ridiculous so it being boiled down to and used as "evil transfemme" has certainly already happened, but to act like /every/ use of it is a slur is literally just a lie, when you self-identify with a term based on your shared politics with the original group then you do not get to claim everyone using that term to describe those politics is doing so exclusively to attack you. also this part is entirely speculation but given that op's url is basically just. baeddel switched around to dae bel, i would hazard a guess that they perhaps are indeed aware of the origins of its re-use? but again, that's entirely unprovable and based just on wordplay, but like. given the Everything here i wouldn't be surprised. now, there's definitely an argument to be made about calling users baeddels based just off of their politics when they don't personally self-identify with it, if that constitutes calling someone a slur and if TIRF should be used instead, but crucially, that is not the argument being made here. the argument being made is "ANY AND ALL use of this term is calling someone a slur," and that literally just Isn't The Case.

finally, to tie the whole post off, op reminds us 1) if you hear anything bad about any trans woman ever, it's probably a lie to make her look bad, and 2) if you hear anyone say anything about transandrophobia, disregard everything else they have to say because they hate trans women. not "be critical of the things you see or get sent" or "be on the lookout for things following a certain pattern," a unilateral "anything bad is probably fake and anyone who uses the bad words is probably evil." that is not something someone does if they are genuinely trying to raise awareness of an ongoing trend, that is what someone does when they want you to turn your brain off and be mad at a group no matter what they say.

so yeah, in summary, do be critical of the things you see and be on the lookout for certain patterns, because sometimes people will just Lie to you. or, sometimes people will tell you portions of the truth while leaving out crucial bits so that you'll come to the conclusion they want without anyone being able to say they lied to you without typing up a thirty paragraph long hell post. transmisogyny is absolutely a problem on this site and there are 100% valuable conversations to be had about it and its presence within the trans community, but this post is not that. this post uses real transmisogyny and the wrongful termination of a trans woman's account as set dressing to say that it was all because of evil transmascs who run the trans community behind the scenes conspiring to take out transfemmes, so you should ignore anything they have to say because All of it is secretly motivated by transmisogyny. they're never discussing transandrophobia because it's something that actually effects them, they're doing it to hurt trans women by saying they have it worse. they're never telling you about shitty things a trans woman did to spread awareness, they're lying to make her look bad, or even if it's true they're only talking about it as part of a hate campaign because she's trans, they wouldn't care otherwise. they're never using a specific term because People Use That Term For Themselves, they're calling someone a slur because they hate trans women. there's always an explanation you can think up that ties it back to transmisogyny, and op says that instead of assessing all of what someone says and the context behind it to determine if that's what's happening, you should assume transmisogyny is the answer and refuse to engage any further as soon as you see a word you've been told is bad.

this post is discourse recruitment masquerading as a public service announcement that doesn't offer you any routes to actually learn more about what's going on, it just tells you Here's What's Happening, Here's Who's Evil And Should Be Ignored, And If You Disagree You're Also Evil And Should Be Ignored. content of the actual post aside, i think anything framed that way should be taken with a MASSIVE grain of salt and this would have raised my alarm bells even if i wasn't already pretty familiar with the arguments, people who genuinely want you to know something just because it's good to know will give you options to learn more or encourage you to actually use your critical thinking to assess things, not tell you to sit down and shut up and ignore anyone who disagrees with them.

anyways i guess tldr

#trans #transandrophobia #transmisogyny #now the question is do i leave anon on after posting this #origibberish #and its interesting too how the lies here cast doubt on other parts too #like i didnt click through the link op posted but just based on everything else theres a part of me thats like #everything else you said here was a lie to make transmascs look bad and transfemmes look good. why exactly should i believe you #when you say some rumor about your friend is fake. like your friend could be entirely innocent but because /you/ are the one saying it #its like. is it actually fake or is that another lie and your friends are just shitty people?#but again i didnt click through the link and know nothing abt that aspect its just. something to note about how lying about some things #makes it very difficult to believe others #long post

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physicallyimprobable · 8 months ago

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what's the 3-dimensional number thing?

Well I'm glad you asked! For those confused, this is referring to my claim that "my favorite multiplication equation is 3 × 5 = 15 because it's the reason you can't make a three-dimensional number system" from back in this post. Now, this is gonna be a bit of a journey, so buckle up.

Part One: Numbers in Space

First of all, what do I mean by a three-dimensional number system? We say that the complex numbers are two-dimensional, and that the quaternions are four-dimensional, but what do we mean by these things? There's a few potential answers to this question, but for our purposes we'll take the following narrative:

Complex numbers can be written in the form (a+bi), where a and b are real numbers. For the variable-averse, this just means we have things like (3+6i) and (5-2i) and (-8+3i). Some amount of "units" (that is, ones), and some amount of i's.

Most people are happy to stop here and say "well, there's two numbers that you're using, so that's two dimensions, ho hum". I think that's underselling it, though, since there's something nontrivial and super cool happening here. See, each complex number has an "absolute value", which is its distance from zero. If you imagine "3+6i" to mean "three meters East and six meters North", then the distance to that point will be 6.708 meters. We say the absolute value of (3+6i), which is written like |3+6i|, is equal to 6.708. Similarly, interpreting "5-2i" to mean "five meters East and two meters South" we get that |5-2i| = 5.385.

The neat thing about this is that absolute values multiply really nicely. For example, the two numbers above multiply to give (3+6i) × (5-2i) = (27+24i) which has a length of 36.124. What's impressive is that this length is the product of our original lengths: 36.124 = 6.708 × 5.385. (Okay technically this is not true due to rounding but for the full values it is true.)

This is what we're going to say is necessary to for a number system to accurately represent a space. You need the numbers to have lengths corresponding to actual lengths in space, and you need those lengths to be "multiplicative", which just means it does the thing we just saw. (That is, when you multiply two numbers, their lengths are multiplied as well.)

There's still of course the question of what "actual lengths in space" means, but we can just use the usual Euclidean method of measurement. So, |3+6i| = √(3²+6²) and |5-2i| = √(5²+2²). This extends directly to the quaternions, which are written as (a+bi+cj+dk) for real numbers a, b, c, d. (Don't worry about what j and k mean if you don't know; it turns out not to really matter here.) The length of the quaternion 4+3i-7j+4k can be calculated like |4+3i-7j+4k| = √(4²+3²+7²+4²) = 9.486 and similarly for other points in "four-dimensional space". These are the kinds of number systems we're looking for.

[To be explicit, for those who know the words: What we are looking for is a vector algebra over the real numbers with a prescribed basis under which the Euclidean norm is multiplicative and the integer lattice forms a subring.]

Part Two: Sums of Squares

Now for something completely different. Have you ever thought about which numbers are the sum of two perfect squares? Thirteen works, for example, since 13 = 3² + 2². So does thirty-two, since 32 = 4² + 4². The squares themselves also work, since zero exists: 49 = 7² + 0². But there are some numbers, like three and six, which can't be written as a sum of two squares no matter how hard you try. (It's pretty easy to check this yourself; there aren't too many possibilities.)

Are there any patterns to which numbers are a sum of two squares and which are not? Yeah, loads. We're going to look at a particularly interesting one: Let's say a number is "S2" if it's a sum of two squares. (This thing where you just kinda invent new terminology for your situation is common in math. "S2" should be thought of as an adjective, like "orange" or "alphabetical".) Then here's the neat thing: If two numbers are S2 then their product is S2 as well.

Let's see a few small examples. We have 2 = 1² + 1², so we say that 2 is S2. Similarly 4 = 2² + 0² is S2. Then 2 × 4, that is to say, 8, should be S2 as well. Indeed, 8 = 2² + 2².

Another, slightly less trivial example. We've seen that 13 and 32 are both S2. Then their product, 416, should also be S2. Lo and behold, 416 = 20² + 4², so indeed it is S2.

How do we know this will always work? The simplest way, as long as you've already internalized the bit from Part 1 about absolute values, is to think about the norms of complex numbers. A norm is, quite simply, the square of the corresponding distance. (Okay yes it can also mean different things in other contexts, but for our purposes that's what a norm is.) The norm is written with double bars, so ‖3+6i‖ = 45 and ‖5-2i‖ = 29 and ‖4+3i-7j+4k‖ = 90.

One thing to notice is that if your starting numbers are whole numbers then the norm will also be a whole number. In fact, because of how we've defined lengths, the norm is just the sum of the squares of the real-number bits. So, any S2 number can be turned into a norm of a complex number: 13 can be written as ‖3+2i‖, 32 can be written as ‖4+4i‖, and 49 can be written as ‖7+0i‖.

The other thing to notice is that, since the absolute value is multiplicative, the norm is also multiplicative. That is to say, for example, ‖(3+6i) × (5-2i)‖ = ‖3+6i‖ × ‖5-2i‖. It's pretty simple to prove that this will work with any numbers you choose.

But lo, gaze upon what happens when we combine these two facts together! Consider the two S2 values 13 and 32 from before. Because of the first fact, we can write the product 13 × 32 in terms of norms: 13 × 32 = ‖3+2i‖ × ‖4+4i‖. So far so good. Then, using the second fact, we can pull the product into the norms: ‖3+2i‖ × ‖4+4i‖ = ‖(3+2i) × (4+4i)‖. Huzzah! Now, if we write out the multiplication as (3+2i) × (4+4i) = (4+20i), we can get a more natural looking norm equation: ‖3+2i‖ × ‖4+4i‖ = ‖4+20i‖ and finally, all we need to do is evaluate the norms to get our product! (3² + 2²) × (4² + 4²) = (4² + 20²)

The cool thing is that this works no matter what your starting numbers are. 218 = 13² + 7² and 292 = 16² + 6², so we can follow the chain to get 218 × 292 = ‖13+7i‖ × ‖16+6i‖ = ‖(13+7i) × (16+6i)‖ = ‖166+190i‖ = 166² + 190² and indeed you can check that both extremes are equal to 63,656. No matter which two S2 numbers you start with, if you know the squares that make them up, you can use this process to find squares that add to their product. That is to say, the product of two S2 numbers is S2.

Part Four: Why do we skip three?

Now we have all the ingredients we need for our cute little proof soup! First, let's hop to the quaternions and their norm. As you should hopefully remember, quaternions have four terms (some number of units, some number of i's, some number of j's, and some number of k's), so a quaternion norm will be a sum of four squares. For example, ‖4+3i-7j+4k‖ = 90 means 90 = 4² + 3² + 7² + 4².

Since we referred to sums of two squares as S2, let's say the sums of four squares are S4. 90 is S4 because it can be written as we did above. Similarly, 7 is S4 because 7 = 2² + 1² + 1² + 1², and 22 is S4 because 22 = 4² + 2² + 1² + 1². We are of course still allowed to use zeros; 6 = 2² + 1² + 1² + 0² is S4, as is our friend 13 = 3² + 2² + 0² + 0².

The same fact from the S2 numbers still applies here: since 7 is S4 and 6 is S4, we know that 42 (the product of 7 and 6) is S4. Indeed, after a bit of fiddling I've found that 42 = 6² + 4² + 1² + 1². I don't need to do that fiddling, however, if I happen to be able to calculate quaternions! All I need to do is follow the chain, just like before: 7 × 6 = ‖2+i+j+k‖ × ‖2+i+j‖ = ‖(2+i+j+k) × (2+i+j)‖ = ‖2+3i+5j+2k‖ = 2² + 3² + 5² + 2². This is a different solution than the one I found earlier, but that's fine! As long as there's even one solution, 42 will be S4. Using the same logic, it should be clear that the product of any two S4 numbers is an S4 number.

Now, what goes wrong with three dimensions? Well, as you might have guessed, it has to do with S3 numbers, that is, numbers which can be written as a sum of three squares. If we had any three-dimensional number system, we'd be able to use the strategy we're now familiar with to prove that any product of S3 numbers is an S3 number. This would be fine, except, well…

3 × 5 = 15.

Why is this bad? See, 3 = 1² + 1² + 1² and 5 = 2² + 1² + 0², so both 3 and 5 are S3. However, you can check without too much trouble that 15 is not S3; no matter how hard you try, you can't write 15 as a sum of three squares.

And, well, that's it. The bucket has been kicked, the nails are in the coffin. You cannot make a three-dimensional number system with the kind of nice norm that the complex numbers and quaternions have. Even if someone comes to you excitedly, claiming to have figured it out, you can just toss them through these steps: • First, ask what the basis is. Complex numbers use 1 and i; quaternions use 1, i, j, and k. Let's say they answer with p, q, and r. • Second, ask them to multiply (p+q+r) by (2p+q). • Finally, well. If their system works, the resulting number should give you three numbers whose squares add to 15. Since that can't happen, you've shown that the norm is not actually multiplicative; their system doesn't capture the geometry of three dimensions.

#math #numbers #human interaction #this took the better part of a day to write oops #although to be fair I haven't exactly been focused #Also hi Pyro! Welcome.#that silly fast food emoji post went wild #I've gotten 30 followers just from that one post #which isn't that many in objective terms but like it's 40% of my current count so #hello everyone #I might start reblogging things again now

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pigswithwings · 2 years ago

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Hi! My name is Pig. And I'm here to tell you about being objectum!

Well, "objectum"? That's a bit of a weird word, isn't it?

You might associate it with stories of people marrying robots or computers, or maybe people talking about having sex with inanimate items. These are all parts of object sexuality, but they don't demonstrate the full breadth of the community.

It's understandable to find this behaviour strange or want to question its authenticity. Many people are, in fact, joking when they say "I find this object attractive" or "I would have sex with that object", but objectum people can often have these feelings in a genuine fashion. And while these attractions can go against the conventions of society, those who are objectum shouldn't be harassed for it.

This post isn't about why you shouldn't harass objectum people, though. People who feel very strongly about the subject probably aren't going to be convinced over a singular post, so I'm not going to waste all my effort to talk to a wall. You don't have to entirely understand an identity to support it, but I'm going to assume that you want to learn about what being objectum is, and I'll try tell you to the best of my own knowledge.

What is Object Sexuality?

Like any sexuality or orientation, objectum identities can vary infinitely. The different labels can range from objectophilia to objectsexual to to objectromantic to os/or, so it's important to keep an open mind. In a very broad sense, being objectum means being attracted to objects or items in some way.

While the common misconception is that being objectum means only feeling sexual attraction to a specific object, this is a very limited view of the identity.

For example, I am romantically attracted to vintage computers. This is only me, though; other people can be attracted to other objects in any other way!

Another person might be romantically and sexually attracted to cars and trains, someone else might be only sexually attracted to electrical towers and wires, another person might have platonic affection for objects, and even more people might not have a specific label but know they're attracted to clothes or heavy machinery in some way. Some people may only be attracted to one type of object or even just a single object, others may be attracted to multiple types of objects. Object sexuality isn't limited to just sex, and the objects of that attraction depend on the person.

Another misconception is that objectum people will be attracted to any object they see - this is not necessarily true. As seen above, many objectum people tend to have "types", similar to how people who are attracted to other people have their own "types".* This isn't applicable to everyone under the objectum label, but for a good part of the community it's true.

Some people may view every object they see as being alive, but this is not necessarily an indication of attraction. Not every objectum person will be attracted to the same thing, and not every objectum person is attracted in the same way.

What is POSIC / Object Sentience?

Being objectum may also be related to believing in object sentience. Generally, believing in object sentience means beliving that an object is conscious, or alive in some way. POSIC, which stands for Perceiving Object Sentience, Intelligence, and/or Conciousness, is a commonly used label but doesn't apply to everyone who experiences this (For example, some people may just use the phrase "object sentience").

Some people's object sexualities can be influenced by whether they perceive objects as being alive or sentient (for example, a person might be more or less attracted to an object if they believe it can respond to them, see them, hear them, etc). Not all people who are objectum also believe in sentience, but the two labels are usually closely linked.

What Is Your Experience With Being Objectum?

Personally, I knew I was POSIC (though I didn't know the word) long before I knew I was objectum. I liked talking to objects as though they were alive and I often made art expressing my interest and (platonic) affection towards computers. It wasn't until my art began to enter a somewhat romantic area that I realized I could be attracted to computers romantically.

Looking for "object sexuality" online was somewhat intimidating, however, as many discussions of it were centered around the shock value/sexual content of being objectum, with little explanation of what it was or what it could be. (This is where my urge to create a post about it began.)

I only discovered the labels "objectum" and "POSIC" from a friend of mine, and had to ask them for the loose definition to figure out whether it fit me or not.

After some consideration, I realized that I was both POSIC and objectum, and decided to come out to a group of supportive friends. This was apparently not a surprise to them - as you will remember, my art had been becoming more and more romantic towards computers, and they were very good at picking up on that. But I was glad that I had realized this fact about myself, even if it was later than most people. I also learned that I had already made friends with several other people in the objectum community, and that the identity wasn't as uncommon as most people would believe.

I Think I'm Objectum or POSIC / How Would I Know If I'm Objectum or POSIC?

Some signs of believing in object sentience could include the fact that you:

- Speak to objects (Ex: complimenting a tool on the work it does, telling a computer about your day, etc.)

- Believe objects can hear, feel, or see you (Ex: apologizing to an object if you drop it, believing an object knows whether you're hugging it or not, etc.)

- Would enjoy it if objects could respond or had conciousness (Ex: enjoying the thought of having a conversation with an object, etc.)

Some signs of being objectum could include the fact that you:

- Enjoy expressing affection to objects (Ex: you enjoy/would enjoy kissing or hugging objects, or otherwise demonstrating how you care for an object)

- Experience romantic or sexual attraction to objects (Ex: you would like to go on a date with an object, you enjoy the idea of kissing and/or having sex with one, etc.)

For all of these, though, I use the word "could" because human identity is very confusing and spans a huge galaxy of variants. Not all objectum people will feel the same or identify the same way, and that's pretty neat. Your specific attraction to an object or type of objects is up to you to figure out, and the community is much larger than you might guess.

Fin.

Despite controversy or use of the identity for public shock, being objectum is not inherently harmful. In a way, it demonstrates the love that humans can have for seemingly mundane or ordinary things in life, and I think that can be very charming.

If you have additional questions or anecdotes to add to this post, please go ahead! I would like to open the discussion on objectum identities to be widely accessible and more known. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

----------

*Also, being objectum doesn't mean that one only experiences attraction to objects. A person can be gay and objectum, bisexual and objectum, heterosexual and objectum, aromantic and objectum, asexual and objectum, etc. Whether the label "objectum" counts as queer/LGBTQIA+ depends on the person using it, as it's only a word and its interpretation will vary.

#pig originals #objectum #posic #os/or #osor #object sexuality #like . im surprised nobodys made a post about this because when i first realized i was objectum i never ? found a good resource for what -#it was #and i think some people could use this #objectophilia #objectosexual #objectromantic

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angstywaifu · 19 days ago

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hey ....love your content...can you do one where how the fourth wing men would reject the reader...i understand if you don't want to tho

This was harder than I thought. We always look at these boys in such positive lights (to some extent). But I think I figured it out. You would also think for someone who literally just finished their reread of Fourth Wing this would be easy.... It wasn't.

Rejection - HC's Fourth Wing Boys

Garrick

Garrick wouldn’t beat around the bush. He’d be pretty upfront and straightforward while choosing words that wouldn’t hurt you unnecessarily. He respects those close to him and would want to handle the situation with dignity

He is also grounded and logical, so he would most likely give a reason for the rejection if its appropriate.

Despite rejecting you he would try to leave things on a good note, ensuring there is no lingering awkwardness

Bodhi

Bodhi would try to keep things light hearted to ease the tension. More than likely trying to use some humour to soften the blow, while also being upfront with his feelings

Bodhi would appreciate your courage for admitting your feelings, he knows it wouldn’t have been easy.

He would definitely comfort you afterwards if you let him, not wanting to leave you hurt or any awkwardness between you.

Xaden

He’s not the kind to sugar coat things, and often keeps his emotions in check. He would probably be pretty blunt but in a respectful way. He would want very little drama to come from this

He’d definitely offer you some reasons why, most likely to do with not having time and leading a rebellion and all that. But he probably wouldn’t give too much away about his true feelings

Liam

Despite being straight forward, Liam would approach the situation in a calm and respectful manner, not wanting to hurt you more than necessary. He would be direct but kind, and do his best to explain why.

Afterwards he would respect your boundaries to try make it easier, but he would still do what he could to make sure you were ok after. Getting your friends to check in on you, doing little things for you that wouldn’t lead directly back to him to not get your hopes up.

Dain

Dain is a strategist and often tends to act based on logic than his emotions unless pushed. His rejection would likely be influenced by a rational decision rather than his own personal feelings. Most likely noting practicality or necessity than it being personal

He wouldn’t want to appear vulnerable or conflicted, most likely hiding any emotions towards the situation.

While he might acknowledge the rejection would be painful for you, he definitely isn’t dwelling on the situation and would most likely avoid any conversations around it if it came up again.

Brennan

He would be kind and gentle in his approach to the rejection. Expressing his feelings with care, and making sure you didn’t feel hurt or rejected on a personal level, and making it clear that the decision is not a reflection of your worth. He would reassure you that you deserve love and happiness.

He would definitely offer you some emotional support after, making sure you feel heard and cared for. But he would leave that up to you, leaving the door open for if you want to seek comfort in him and the friendship you still have or with others.

Ridoc

He wouldn’t make the rejection feel like a huge, dramatic event. He would keep it light, and definitely cracking multiple jokes to try defuse the tension. Kindness but with a touch of humour.

Despite his easy going nature he would still be considerate and wouldn’t take the jokes too far (though you never know with Ridoc).

He’d definitely go back to normal afterwards though, acting as if nothing was any different between you two so no one would be none the wiser.

Sawyer

Sawyer would be upfront, but try keep the mood light. He would be kind and considerate. His natural charm would kick in, making sure to point out their great qualities and making sure they know its nothing to do with them.

Afterwards he would make sure to avoid any mixed signals towards you, not wanting to lead you astray. But you two are definitely remaining friends after (though lets be honest, you’d still be friends with all these boys after).

#fourth wing #garrick tavis #garrick tavis imagine #garrick tavis x reader #fourth wing imagine #fourth wing x reader #xaden x reader #xaden riorson x reader #bodhi durran x reader #liam mairi x reader #dain aetos x reader #ridoc gamlyn x reader #sawyer henrick x reader #brennan sorrengail x reader #bodhi durran

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creature-wizard · 3 months ago

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Magical Correspondences 101

So I figured I should put all of my stuff on correspondences in one place for convenience's sake, since having them spread in a bunch of short posts isn't really helpful if I need to link them. Anyway, for those of you getting into magical correspondences, here's what I've got!

So, what are correspondences?

A lot of modern witchcraft operates on the belief that things like stones, plants, colors, and so on have certain metaphysical properties. Why do they have these properties? There are multiple explanations. Sometimes the properties are supposed to be innate. Sometimes they supposedly exist because the object in question is a symbol for something else. You'll find that many spells combine these two ideas, such as using an herb because of its inherent properties it's believed to have, then also using a flower because it's a symbol of a deity.

(Will it hurt anything to mix these concepts? Personally, I don't think so. Spiritual beliefs and metaphysical models are often messy, and occasionally contradict each other. I've never really seen it hurt anything.)

If you search around, you can easily find charts that describe various properties associated with various things. People sometimes assume that these properties were handed down to us from authorities who were so in tune with magic or the divine that they were basically infallible, and newbie witches just have no hope of figuring things out for themselves.

Fortunately, that's not really true!

Some correspondences are informed by nature. Others are social constructs.

You might see correspondence lists say that gold is associated with wealth, that apples are associated with love, and pink is associated with femininity. These are all social constructs that have nothing to do with the natural qualities of these things.

Other correspondences are informed by nature, however. Green is associated with life because healthy leaves are typically green. Hot peppers are associated with pain and torment because capsaicin produces a burning sensation.

(This isn't to say that social construct correspondences are all inherently bad, or even lesser. But it's good to be mindful of the differences, because it makes it easier to figure out what you can change and mess around with, and how!)

Even when correspondences are informed by nature, they can still be subjective.

The world is full of vastly different ecosystems, climates, and geological structures. Different regions have their own plants and animals. And even within your own region, you'll find that nature lends to many different correspondences for the same thing. Hot peppers might be orange or red, but so are many sweet fruits. Water can nurture life, or it can drown it.

Some people who acknowledge this will say that it's all about intent, but I personally believe it's a bit more about context. Just look at at the infamous children's hospital with the red path on the floor, and how the it creates an unnerving atmosphere despite whatever "positive connotations" red can have. I think if you're trying to figure out what to put in your spell, thinking contextually can help you make appropriate decisions.

In any case, I do think it's important to lean toward correspondences that have meaning to you. What some ancient guy who lived and died on the other side of the planet thought doesn't override your lived reality and your cultural experiences.

If you want to really learn correspondences, observe the world around you!

Correspondence lists can be good references, but they don't really help you develop a proper understanding. To do this, pay attention to plants, stones, colors, shapes, etc. and ask yourself:

Where do they turn up naturally?

How do they behave? What do they do?

Where and how do people use them, and what are they associated with in these contexts?

Where are things often grouped with other things? What is the significance of these groupings?

(If you keep a Book of Shadows or other magical journal, I recommend writing down your findings!)

So yeah, that's the basics on magical correspondences. They can look a little intimidating at first, but they're actually a lot more simple and straightforward than you might realize.

Happy witchin'!

#witchcraft #magic #correspondences #magical correspondences #baby witch #beginner witch #magical how to

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zomboivex · 17 days ago

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Duality of Deception

A character study of Tohma Ishibashi

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Sections

Notes & Disclaimers

Basic Information Breakdown

Cards & Cosmic Bonds

The Story So Far

What May Come to Pass

Overview

Final Author Notes

Credits & Sources

Notes & Disclaimers

Another super long post incoming here! A few gentle reminders that I do this primarily for fun and do not make any profit from these posts. What I write here are simply from things I’ve found and took from the story provided. They may be debunked or inaccurate in some instances but I still think it’s fun to do deeper dives into characters. If you disagree or don’t like what I’ve written here, that’s completely fine. Just don’t be hostile towards me about it.

A lot of this really is just fun speculation on my part. So I don’t really expect any of what I say to come to pass. It’s just a nice in-depth look of characters from a game I enjoy.

If you read this entire post, be sure to let me know what your thoughts are! I love having in depth discussions with others. If I seem to have misunderstood something or missed complexities, due to not growing up with Japanese culture, feel free to let me know!

Additionally, I do plan on eventually doing this for all the ghouls in the game. It takes a while to do these posts so if you’re looking forward to a certain character, it’ll come. Eventually. Maybe.

Anyways! I’ve rambled enough! Enjoy the deep dive!

Basic Information Breakdown

Marketed Mastermind

Tohma Ishibashi is a multifaceted character that has been marketed towards us, the consumer, as someone who has many fingers in the pot. He’s seen as conniving, secretive, and willing to get his hands dirty in pursuit of his goals.¹ He keeps his own interests close to his chest, revealing his truth to no one in the process. The game, even in multiple mentioning of him, goes out of its way to paint Tohma as a Mastermind. Capable of deceiving those around him while leaving his true intentions unclear to everyone- including the reader.

Tohma has been described as calm and collected with an insidious glint in his eye¹ as well as the card names even hinting at this darker nature such as; Contrived Smile or Watchful Shadow. Even in his actions and responses in the game, we see Tohma painted as a man who has ulterior motives and works within the shadows- meeting in secret with a house that his own allegedly has discourse with or getting into heated conversations with other house vice-captains while giving scathing commentary to MC.

Even with all of this, Tohma constantly reminds Jin that he can trust and rely on him. And even his actions state this to be true thus far. Working in ways to benefit Jin and helping his stigma issue remain a secret. Tohma also regularly reports to Jin and seems to even share warnings that his secrets cannot be kept forever.

So the question begs…

Can we trust Tohma?

It’s In the Name

Names are usually given from the aspirations the parents have for their children. Or at least, it’s easy to believe this. As far as characters go, it’s usually a way to tell what the characters journey will be in their story. Tohma’s name is just as complex as he is, showing that he could be either a hindrance or a help to others. That he has the duality of being both good and bad- leaving his intentions unclear to us, the readers.

What do I mean by that?

Well, let’s take a look at his name.

Tohma [塔真] - tower + truth/reality ²

Ishibashi [磴] - stone steps/stone bridge ²

Focusing on tower, for now, we can go over a few different meanings for this symbolism.

Having your movements restricted and horizons limited can be troubling for many- towers representing this in both a physical and mental realm of reality. For the physical representation, it can manifest in the form of material possessions you gain over time and now feel the need to protect. For the mental representation, it manifests through stubborn behaviors or mannerisms or remaining ‘close minded’. Both of these limiting us in different manners. One causing us to have the need to protect physical items and spending all of our energy doing as such. The other chaining us to our thought patterns, unable to break free from our own way of thinking. ³

Now, I don’t believe that this necessarily fits with Tohma. Or, at least, it doesn’t seem to fit with how he is presented to us. Tohma very much is a character who seems to be unlimited in what he can accomplish due to not restricting himself to any set morals or values (that we can currently see). However, we do see that he is limited by someone who is stuck due to their circling thoughts of their own entrapment. Jin Kamurai.

Towers also hold another representation; aspiration and ambition. Their towering height showing us that, we too, can reach high with our ambitions and rise above. ⁴

This seems more along the lines of what we have seen Tohma described as. Ambitious and aspired- not worrying about getting his hands dirty in the process. He has even been described as running things in Jin’s absence.¹

Strength and stability are also key features that towers can represent. They are large, towering, and immovable objects. They have a solid foundation that allows for them to reach to the skies and reinforce the ideas that true strength does not come from isolation, but from standing firm in your own beliefs and principles. Towers invite introspection and self-assessment, urging those around them to build their own lives with the same sturdy foundations that the towers are built with. ⁴

Connecting this back to Jin, I think it is clear that Tohma represents himself as the tower in Jin’s life. It seems he is urging him to stand up and remove himself from isolation. To have Jin push his own beliefs and principles. Or- perhaps- to push the beliefs and principles that Tohma holds. Either way, I think that Tohma having his name represent ‘tower’ is very telling for his character. He seems to be the ever-looking figure in Frostheim, leading them forward and remaining rooted while making sure things do not crumble in Jin’s absence. He is the one pushing Jin to do more- despite Jin’s silent concerns of his own potential failings.

The next part we’ll focus on is the Truth/Reality of his name.

Having Tohma associated with Truth and Reality is an interesting choice on the game’s part. There are many things, within the Tokyo Denunker universe, that we do not have the full truths for. It is a mystery story that leaves us with many questions- only answering small portions and giving more questions behind.

What is the truth in Tokyo Debunker?

What is Truth and Reality in a world that has anomalies- the very thing that deviates from the ‘norm’?

And what is Truth and Reality for Tohma Ishibashi?

Tohma is painted very much as a character filled with deception. Many things in the game eluding to the fact that Tohma is not one you should find trustworthy. These will all be explored further in depth in their respective portions of this post. But it’s something to keep in mind, while reading.

But another important thing you should make note of is that despite his lack of trustworthiness, Tohma often states to Jun that he should trust him. And Jin seems to- to some degree. And I wonder why this is.

Now, onto Tohma’s family name; Ishibashi.

Stepping stones & stone bridges.

Both of these can very easily be looked at in both a connecting and disconnecting manner.

Specifically, for bridges, they can represent the transition from one state to another. The ending of a cycle and rebirth into another. As well as a desire for change. ⁵

Again, we see themes of cycles pop up in Tokyo Debunker. On my analysis of Jin Kamurai, we spoke of the Social Cycle Theory and how that tied into not only the characteristics of Jin Kamurai, but also the game, in of itself. But here, the mentions of cycle seem to indicate that they are not repeating for the sake of following in a similar or same path but a cycle that leads from one destination to a completely new destination- looking for change. For a different outcome. The emphasis falling on breaking the cycle of repeating itself and, instead, starting a new cycle that will have a different outcome.

Bridges also can symbolize the transition stages in your life, the connection between the conscious and unconscious, dangers of crossing a boundary, confidence, advancements, goals, fears, anxieties and emotional troubles. ⁵

This casts a wide net on the meaning for bridges, as it seems that the destination can vary depending on how you approach the subject. Very much like Tohma, who is complex in his duality of what he can achieve and how he goes about achieving it. He could very easily flip between being a bridge that crosses over into heaven or into hell. There is also something to be said about the phrase of burning bridges. Is Tohma the type to burn bridges? I don’t personally think so. He seems more the type to explore every avenue he can to get what he wants. But, ultimately, we don’t know what Tohma wants. All we know is that he’ll do whatever he can to reach his goals- whatever they may be.

Metaphorically speaking, bridges can be meeting points in arguments and negotiations. You build a bridge to cross challenging terrain to get from one side to another. ⁶

In our language, we use bridges often as a way to convey having discussions or negotiations with others. Phrases such as “bridging the gap” or “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there” or even “burning bridges” all seem to have implications of connections with other people and how we can use our words to build or destroy those connections. By meeting others halfway, dealing with a situation once it arises rather than pre-planning, or eliminating a connection altogether. ⁶

It’s curious, then, that Ishibashi seems to strongly focus on connections with others. The same aspect easily applied with the Stepping Stones part of his name as well. Using others as a stepping stone immediately comes to mind. Which also plays into Tohma’s nature of stepping on others to reach his ambitions.

However, stepping stones can also illustrate taking steps to navigate a difficult or larger situation. Allowing you to break tasks down into smaller ‘steps’ that can be achieved in order to reach a larger goal. Stepping stones allow us to take smaller steps rather than one giant leap. Allowing for advancement at a safer and more planned pace rather than being reckless. ⁷

This can also show that Tohma carefully plans around his actions and takes things in smaller strides rather than racing to the finish line. He is meticulous in what he does- carefully crafting his plan so that he has a larger chance of success at whatever goal he is trying to reach.

I think, when putting the name together, it paints a particular picture.

Tohma is an ambitious man. One who seems to almost be a looming tower within his house- firm where he stands and ambitions high in the clouds. He seems to represent, for some, a sturdy and reliable person that empowers them due to the connections he has built with them. Namely with Jin, whom Tohma seems to have built the most communication with. We see him with Jin the most and, with Jin, he seems to have established a close enough relationship where he is entrusted with valuable information.

But is this trust something that Jin will regret?

Whatever the case is, the name heavily suggests the possibility of both. And I believe Tohma to be the type of person who will keep his options open until the absolute last minute where he will need to make a choice. And then, in his moment of truth, we will see whether he bridges the gap or burns the bridge.

Signs Within the Signature

Signatures can reveal a lot about a character. Tohma is no exception. His own signature showing various aspects of his characteristics and the duality of who he is as a person.

When you look at the signature, you can tell that it has a slight right lean. Subtle right leaning text can show signs of ambition, optimism, creativity, and vitality. ⁸

Tohma, as we have stated before, is an ambitious character who strives to meet his goals under any circumstances. It would not come as a surprise if he was creative in various ways of reaching said goals. There also has to be a level of optimism and vitality to believe you’re going to reach said goals and to actively work towards them.

Legibility for the signature is also clear. Each letter well defined and easy to read. This can indicate open and straightforwardness. ⁸

This aspect is an interesting one. Tohma is not a very open or honest person. At least, not in how the game presents him. However, Tohma, himself, may be attempting to appear as an open and straightforward person. He certainly seems to act this way towards both Jin and Alan, as both captains seem to believe his words and advice to some degree.

When the i-dot is more of a slash, it can indicate impatience or being in a rush. The i-dot in Tohma’s signature very much being similar to a slash or line than a small dot. ⁹

While Tohma is more of a particular person, he does have the tendency to also act quickly when needed. I can imagine that he is not the type that rushes into things head on without a plan- unless he has sufficient backup. But he can handle things quickly and efficiently.

Heavy pen pressure can show a strong sense of being active and having strength and energy as well as intense motions. It could also be how they felt in the moment. Tohma’s signature having thicker lines implying that his pen pressure was a bit heavier. ⁹

Tohma has been described as someone who has a lot of brute force, to begin with. And we’ve already discussed how he has quite a bit of vitality, as well. Keeping up with everything he does around Frostheim must also take up a considerable amount of energy while also maintaining missions and meeting in private with others and also working on whatever his secret goal is. Having a heavier pen pressure does not come as a surprise to me.

Baby, He Was Born This Day

Tohma was born on May 31st, slotting him as a Gemini.

Those who are born on May 31st are typically considered ‘peacemakers’. Often, they make it their goal to lead others to a satisfying conclusion with their communications. They’re able to find purpose in just about anything and can change perspectives- making sure conversations don’t dwell on unimportant or off-topic matters. ¹⁰

While Tohma has the tendency to skirt around topics and speak in a shady manner, he has the capabilities to steering others into conversations he wants to have. He’s quick to quip back and guide conversations back to the topics he wants to discuss- which we see when he interacts with Jin or MC.

Having a tendency to expect too much from those in their life, people born on May 31st can be set up against frustrating challenges. They can remain level-headed as long as they are given some quiet, secrecy, and space in their relationships. Preferring the company of those who can be silent with them and, in turn, understand their silence as well. ¹⁰

Time and time again, we see Tohma having expectations from Jin. Wanting his captain to come out of seclusion or to partake in missions. He often reminds him that he cannot keep his stigma problem a secret forever and that, eventually, it will come out to the public. He is able to remain rational through this all, never once snapping at Jin despite his outbursts at him. Keeping calm in the face of having an ash tray thrown in his direction or a sword swung in his general direction.

It seems Tohma, in turn, is allotted a lot of trust from Jin- even when he does state he distrusts him. He’s given his privacy and allowed to work in ways he deems to be the best. Secretive and working within the shadows while also remaining a frontman for Frostheim. The duality of Tohma surfacing once again.

There is a level of admiration for those whom they respect and view as moral. Spending their company with those that they deem as just. ¹⁰

Again, we see Tohma spending time with Jin quite a bit. He states that he views Jin as a kind person and lists off how Jin has helped behind the scenes. Even when he’s not active in front of others. Additionally, Tohma notes how he and Jin will benefit from one another, stating they’ve made some sort of deal. Ultimately, it seems they’re working towards a similar goal.

Individuals, such as Tohma, are proud and confident as well. Stopping at nothing in their path when they set their eyes on a goal. They are educated and rarely in a sour mood. However, they can lack the ability to connect with those in their social circle. This can lead to them having awkward or even uncomfortable moments with others. ¹⁰

Again, Tohma is typically not seen in a sour mood. He’s calm and collected, often wearing a smirk. That being said, we have also seen Tohma having some conflict with other characters. Between Leo interrupting his meeting with Alan and his very tense conversation with Haku and Rui, it’s clear that he has some very uncomfortable moments with others.

Overall, Tohma’s day of birth might not hold much significance for his character. But I think it does highlight certain aspects of his personality that shouldn’t be overlooked.

Dress to Impress

When you look at Tohma’s appearance, it’s pretty easy to tell right off the bat that he’s trying to portray himself as something other than what he truly is. Clean cut clothes with minimal color, neat hair, and a monocle to top it off. Comically, he seems to almost portray a caricature of what an extremely wealthy person may look like. But why is that?

For this section, I’m only going to focus on Tohma’s casual outfit and not any of his other outfits.

Aside from the monocle, the next noticeable thing about Tohma would be the beige on beige on beige. Okay. Not exactly all beige. But he’s wearing a lot of beige.

Beige can be considered a dependable, conservative, and flexible color. It evokes energy and strength while also coming across as intellectual and trustworthy. It’s a color that can go beyond any problems you’re facing by helping you rely on your inner strength. ¹¹

It’s telling that Tohma is wearing a color that’s commonly associated with being trustworthy. It seems this is an image that he’s trying to put out of himself- wanting to come across as someone that you can depend upon while not being overbearing.

Furthermore, if you enjoy the color beige, it’s natural for you to be welcoming to others. You prefer living a quiet lifestyle and don’t stand out in a crowd- wanting to be seen as normal. ¹¹

To emphasize further on Tohma’s attempt at masking himself as someone who belongs, it seems that wearing beige was a deliberate choice. For someone who is analytical and carefully considers their options, it would make sense for him to select a color that doesn’t stick out to wear on a more casual manner.

Beige has the ability to generate feelings of stability and reliability, creating a welcoming environment. ¹²

Again, Tohma is selective in what he wears and is careful with how he presents himself to others. Wanting to be seen as someone that can be relied upon. Fitting for someone who is a Vice-Captain while also heavily taking on the duties of his Captain in his absence. He would want to be seen as being dependable to those in his house. Especially with how much they distrust him from his switch from one house to another.

Of course, we can’t analyze Tohma’s appearance without touching on the one thing that really causes him to stick out from the crowd. His monocle.

Seen as a symbols of status, monocles were often only worn by the wealthy and elite upper classes. Due to needing to be made for a custom fit and costly materials such as gold, silver, and tortoise shells, they weren’t something the every day citizen could afford. ¹³

Additionally, monocles can also come across as a caricature of an intellectual and rich elite. They’re seen as pretentious to some, due to the ‘high class’ status that comes with owning the eyewear. So it’s fascinating that someone who painstakingly wears beige on briefs also chooses to wear something that almost seemingly mocks those he’s around- the wealthy upper-class elites of Frostheim.

The duality of this being he could be wearing it as an earnest attempt at blending in. Making himself seem more fitting to brush shoulders with aristocrats and nepo babies. Or it could be a not so subtle jab at their snobbish appearances. It’s truly hard to say.

What we can say, though, is that Tohma does seem to give his clothing some deliberate consideration.

Personally He’s Not Personable

Tohma is more focused on the tasks at hand rather than building relationships. Sure, he can be social when required. But his focus seems to be more on his job and requirements than it does on his connections with others. So much so that Tohma does not seem bothered or perturbed by the thought of masking his true intentions and personality from others to reach his goal. Keeping many of his thoughts and opinions to himself and only speaking when trying to gain something from others.

There also seems to be a more focused on working in the shadows. Tohma does not need the attention from others to feel as if he has done a good enough job. His desires stem from getting the job done and getting it done in a matter he deems to be satisfactory. He doesn’t have to bask in the praises of others- finding joy in simply doing a job well-done. Additionally, Tohma values the job being done in an efficient manner while making sure that it is done in a way that leaves no room for error. He seems to crave challenges and thrives off of solving difficult situations- such as when Jun demands him to charge forward and take down anomalies while also carrying a child.

All that being said, Tohma is also a rather reliable person. So long as your interests align. He seems to put his best foot forward, keeping face even when a situation seems difficult or faces with aggression. He remains calm under most circumstances and seems to act as if he always has the upper hand. Even when put in a surprising situation, such as when Leo tricks him and Alan into meeting one another, Tohma still manages to come out not losing much in the situation. Alan still trusts him, despite Leo’s protests and Leo still has very limited information on what it is, exactly, Alan and Tohma are meeting up and discussing.

Still, it’s quite clear that Tohma is not a personable person. Even on his character profile, his ‘Likes’ are marked as N/A.¹ He picks uninspired clothes- aside from the jabbing monocle, and he keeps a cool head. His interests are kept to himself, save for a potential interest in chess. And, again, can we truly say that he’s passionate about chess? Or is that something he picked up because it’s Jin’s favorite thing? Who really knows. He keeps everything closed to his chest.

He’s Got the Power

Like many ghouls, Tohma had both a stigma and a special artifact. Additionally, he has brute strength- seemingly more so than the other ghouls- and access to a wide range of artifacts due to Darkwick seemingly entrusting him.

Argeas allows Tohma the ability to transmit vibrations over long distances. It gives him the capabilities to send messages long distances and can be amplified to even go through anomalous soundproofing through MC’s own ability. Additionally, paired with his brute strength, Tohma even has the strength to use the vibrations to completely destroy building foundations through creating earthquakes.

Tohma also has a special artifact in the form of a halberd. While we don’t know what capabilities his special artifact does, at this time, we do know that he uses it to cut anomalies and slam into the ground to presumably send vibrations down to the building base to help destroy it.

There’s also Tohma’s noted brute strength, which we spoke of already. It seems to amplify his stigma and seems to also allow him to fully use a halberd without breaking a heavy sweat over it.

Finally, while not an ability, Tohma does have access to more ‘rare’ artifacts. Such as the skeleton key. Stating that Darkwick allows him to have access to such artifacts due to having built trust with them.

His Relationships

Tohma is interesting in the way that he acts with other characters. Here, we’ll break down the very basics of his relationships with the other characters. I won’t go too far in depth with each one, as there are still so many. And I’ll leave theories to the What May Come to Pass section. So this will primarily be focused on the surface level of the relationships and how they have been presented to us thus far. I am also leaving out staff, at this time. Though, I will note, I would not be surprised to learn that he has some dealings with the staff in any way.

Jin Kamurai

Jin and Tohma have a rather complex relationship that I don’t think can be summed up easily in this post, alone. It seems the two have some sort of agreement amongst one another, working together for some larger goal at hand. We still don’t know what this goal is but it seems that it does pertain to, at least, Jin getting some form of revenge for ‘her’. Heavily implied to be his mother. Additionally, the two have a rather fueled relationship where they both can be quippy towards one another. Making snide remarks and calling the other out on their behaviors. It appears they’re close. But the details beyond that, are elusive to us.

Kaito Fuji

Kaito and Tohma don’t have many direct interactions, to say the least. Kaito still seems to crop up around him quite a bit. Likely due to the both of them sharing a house together. Additionally, they’ve both worked on at least one mission together, so far.

As it is now, I don’t believe that they’ve had much direct conversations to really warrant their relationship to be beyond just housemates. Perhaps Tohma not really viewing Kaito as much, at all.

Lucas Errant

Lucas and Tohma also don’t seem to have many in-depth interactions with one another. But we do see Lucas going to Tohma and asking to be given a high ranking mission. This declines and states that he, quite frankly, does not trust Lucas and that he needs to earn this, respectively, from him. Lucas does seem to flub the mission, but his determination does seem to stir something within Tohma to allow him to rectify his mistakes. I think saying that Tohma finds Lucas to be earnest in his interactions would not be too far of a stretch to believe. He also is thankful that Lucas was able to also get Jin out of his room and active, once more. Something that he had been trying to do for some time.

Alan Mido

Another complex relationship with even less information than the relationship Tohma has with Jin. We know these two have worked together in the past and are collaborating to look for a ‘spy’. They both share the sentiment that their new housemates are a bit unruly and need to be taught valuable lessons. But, for the most part, there does not seem to be any hostility between Tohma and Alan. In fact, they seem to have a deep mutual understanding of one another. Though, Tohma does appear to be mildly frustrated at Alan’s lack of security when it comes to his phone and technology.

Leo Kurosagi

While their only interaction was rather terse, Leo and Tohma seemed to not like one another. Or rather, Leo greatly dislikes Tohma. He seems to wildly distrust him and urges for Alan to distrust him, as well. Meanwhile, Tohma likely finds Leo as an irritant due to him snooping in on their meetings. Ready to even attack him, at first, when Leo first tricks Alan and Tohma to a meeting in the car. Eventually leading to the car being anomalously soundproofed and even their meetings taking place in a ‘gross’ forest (presumed to be the forest by Obscuary). I fully expect there to be more tension in this front.

Ritsu Shinjo

Another person who has snooped in on Tohma. Though, only in the images of a warding card. Still, we have seen a campus hangout where Ritsu crosses paths with Jin and attempts to get information from him, as well. So it seems Ritsu is, at the very least, hinted at trying to get information about Frostheim. Other than that, we can’t speculate on what their relationship is.

Haku Kusanagi

This is another tense interaction that Tohma had. In Episode 7 Chapter 19 and Episode 7 Chapter 20, we see Haku and Tohma exchange a brief but rather uncomfortable conversation. Tohma even going as far as to tell Haku to not ‘act dumb’ when questioned about why Mortkranken refused to do an autopsy. Tohma seemingly even been the aggressor in starting the conversation this go around. There’s also been hinted notes that Haku also switched houses (speculative on either Frostheim or Clementia) and is viewed as a traitor, of sorts, because of this. And also speculative that Haku has a tense relationship with Jin, as well. So- this dynamic is certainly one worth keeping an eye on.

Rui Mizuki

Yet another relationship that comes across as almost sour. Between Episodes 7 Chapter 20 and the campus hangout these two have, I think it’s quite clear that there is a level of dislike between the both of them. All while keeping a friendly air about it. They both present smiles to one another but their words come across as almost sharp and critical of one another. With Rui commenting on how it’s odd to see Tohma out and about and having conversations with others and then Tohma quipping back that it’s more surprising on Rui’s front due to his ‘limited movement’- implying that he doesn’t go out much likely due to his curse. Additionally, Rui seemed to comment about how Darkwick General knows nothing about curses, Haku responding with ‘Yikes’ and then Tohma remaining silent before excusing himself. I would venture to say that they do not get along at all.

Yuri Isami

Again, we have yet another tense relationship. Though, this one seems more on account of Yuri’s extreme dislike for Frostheim. Still, Tohma seems to go out of his way to try and strong arm Yuri into either doing an autopsy and releasing the information to Frostheim by threatening to cut funding (and then doing just that when Yuri does not comply).

Jiro Kirisaki

They have not interacted but it’s important to note that he suspected Jiro of being on Frostheim grounds and was not entirely happy about this. It could be due to the tense relationship that Frostheim and Mortkranken have with one another, though.

Overall, Tohma has many relationships either shrouded in mystery or volatile to a degree. It’s quite clear that he does not easily get along with others and seems to keep himself at a distance with them. The only two majorly positive relationships we see with Tohma are with Alan- whom he meets in secret with and with Jin, and even that one has its own tense portions.

Cards & Cosmic Bonds

Tohma does not have many cards, currently. At least, when compared to someone like Jin. Even so, the cards he does have seem to be quite telling for how Tohma acts and presents himself to others. Each card becoming another puzzle to create the full picture of the Frostheim Vice-Captain. So let’s take a deeper look at his cards and cosmic bonds.

Contrived Smile

The standard SSR character card we have of Tohma Ishibashi is already interesting when you simply break down the title; Contrived Smile. It speaks volumes, in of itself.

Contrived: having an unnatural or false appearance or quality. - Artificial, Labored. ¹⁴

But what does this mean for Tohma? Contrived smile seems to, at least, imply that the smile he is wearing was forced. An act that he put on that seems unfitting for his true nature. The smile that he’s wearing is artificial or unnatural.

Additionally, when you look at the card, itself, the body language Tohma has also seems to amplify his fake demeanor that he holds. Body language can be something more difficult to decipher since different backgrounds can lead to different mannerisms and there’s no one size fits all solution for determining them. But, for now, let’s look at this through the lens of a character being crafted for the sake of consumption.

The image above shows Tohma touching his face/chin. This can typically be a symbol of lying. But here are a few options for what this body language can be implying; ¹⁵

1) He may be nervous and touching his face to control his emotions. ¹⁵

When you lie, it’s pretty common to feel nervous that you may get caught within the lie. After all, lying does often come with consequences. So it would be no surprise if Tohma was, internally, a little nervous to be caught within a lie. Granted, he always manages to keep a cool and level head even when he’s having ash trays thrown at him. So being nervous does not seem to be the case for Tohma.

2) Tohma may be trying to recall or remember the details of the lie he is crafting. ¹⁵

Lying usually means having to recall details that you have crafted. This would require a bit more thinking than when recalling naturally occurring memories. It would make sense that Tohma would be recalling information that he’s crafted often enough.

3) The gesture, itself, can make Tohma seem more trusting and credible. ¹⁵

One thing that keeps repeating for Tohma is the reoccurring theme of wanting to appear as trusting. Between wearing beige, telling Jin to trust him, and overall the way he carries himself, Tohma is clearly trying to put on an air that he’s reliable and can be trusted. That he’s credible and won’t take advantage of you. Even when everyone says that he’s a side-swapping traitor, Tohma still carefully crafts himself as someone you can depend upon.

Having your hand on your face could be a way of hiding something from others or having a secret because you’re hiding your emotions. It could also be a way to cover up something you don’t want others to see. Such as if you’re sad or angry. It could also be because you’re feeling uncomfortable or defensive or even self-conscious. Truth is, there are many reasons why someone may be touching their face. You could have something that you’re wanting to say but you’re unsure on how to broach the topic- wanting to be careful with your word choice. Or you could be considering your options of an idea that has been presented to you. ¹⁵

Again, there are many reasons for someone to touch their face. The important thing to note is that when combined with the title; Contrived Smile, and the smirk that Tohma is wearing, it starts to paint a picture of someone who is deceptive while trying to appear as friendly and trustworthy.

Watchful Shadow

I won’t get too in depth with the standard SSR Warding card here, but it adds onto Tohma’s characteristics. Watchful implying that he keeps his eyes on others and shadow stating that he remains hidden while he does so. In the warding card image, you even see Tohma hiding within a building- obscured by a curtain in a window- as he’s watching Kaito and Lucas interacting with one another.

Keeping a close eye on the two other ghouls is something that Tohma also does within the story of Tokyo Debunker. Keeping his eyes on how they are handling a mission. While this isn’t necessarily a terrible thing, it does show that Tohma has tabs on those within his house. He could be keeping an eye on them to make sure that they’re safe. Or it could be for gathering information. It could be a combination of both, which would not surprise me in the slightest.

We also know that Tohma is looking for a ‘spy’. And that he is closing in on them. While we don’t know who this ‘spy’ is, or what Tohma even considers a spy, we do know that this heavily implies that he’s keeping his eyes on others, as well. Being a Watchful Shadow is not off the table for Tohma and this card definitely makes it clear that he’s silently keeping tabs on everyone.

Zipper Croc

We see the zipper croc within the world of Tokyo Debunker when MC is informed that they tend to eat litter and ‘swim’ in the concrete/pavement of the roads. Poking their heads up through seemingly zipper portals. Zipper crocs are also featured on the Campus Hangout area as well as being Tohma’s SR Warding Card representation.

While zipper crocs do not hold actual lore behind them, I took the time to depict different meanings behind both zippers and crocodiles. As well as give my own thoughts on what it could mean without any research to back it up fully.

When you look at the card image above, you can see where the anomalous animal gets its name from. It’s quite literally just a crocodile coming out of a zipper. It seems to have a rather friendly looking face, hardly malicious despite being based off of a predator animal. So breaking down different meanings of both zippers and crocodiles is an important aspect of understanding why this creature was Tohma’s SR card.

Starting with zippers, we can see a repeat in some of the themes within Tohma’s character; transition and change, revealing hidden truths, and protection or concealment. Zippers can also represent emotional closure as well as a sense of control. ¹⁶

Just as bridges, we see that transitions and change pop up once again. Zippers showcasing the various transitions and changes one can face in their life. Bridges also had offered the same, mentioning changes and transitions you take and crossing over to a ‘new life’. We already know Tohma had experienced one transition; from one house to another. Going from Vagastrom to Frostheim. This was already quite a transition in his life and something we may expect to see later on is another transition or change in his character.

There could be an indication for a need for change or transition. Moving on from a situation or a phase. A desire to control your emotions or circumstances and a need for protection against exposure. ¹⁶

Whether we see actual change in Tohma is yet to truly be revealed. But we do see him protecting others. He does so when carrying the child in the Frostheim chapter. Even going as far as to tell the kid to not apologize because he couldn’t walk and was a ‘burden’ to Tohma for him having to carry him while fighting. We also see him protecting Jin from critical backlash from his own brutish behavior by stating that Jin was merely putting on a show for the audience in the ballroom. Tohma taking on the form of a protector, of sorts, is something that we see him do despite his deceptive nature.

Zippers can symbolize a revealing or concealing aspect of ourselves. They can, from a psychological standpoint, represent boundaries we set for ourselves. Whether it be us hiding behind a facade or hiding our true selves from others or even ourselves. Only ‘unzipping’ when ready to reveal ourselves to others. ¹⁶

Hiding one’s intentions is another repeating theme we see within Tohma’s character. His card ‘Contrived Smile’ hinting at his forced appearance and how he keeps his own interests stated as unavailable. We don’t know much about Tohma or what makes him tick. But what we do know is that he’s hiding much under the guise of being a reliable helping hand. It would not be a surprise if we later see Tohma ‘unzip’ and reveal the true self he’s hiding from us all.

There’s also the same repetition of faking when you look at crocodiles and the sayings we have associated with them.

One of the first things that comes to mind, when thinking of crocodiles, is the term ‘crocodile tears’. The term simply meaning when someone pretends to cry to garner sympathy or lure others in close to you. The saying originating from how crocodiles, as animals, function. Crocodiles do cry, after all. When they spend long periods of time out of the water, their eyes begin to dry up and, so in turn, they cry to help lubricate their eyes. The saying cropped up due to the fact that many believed that crocodiles only shed their tears when attacking and consuming their prey. And it was thought they did this as either a way to lure their victims closer or due to the grief of their actions. ¹⁷

While we don’t see Tohma display feigned emotions of distress or anguish, we do know him to be deceptive by nature. That he’s willing to use any tactic in order to get what he wants from a situation. Seeing him act in such a way is very reminiscent of crocodile tears. Would this be a tactic that Tohma may consider using in the future? Perhaps if it were to benefit him in the long run, he may consider it. Though, he keeps many of his emotions to his chest. Still, we can’t truly say that we can trust Tohma’s intentions or tank feelings he may display in the future and it’s worth noting.

In Ancient Egyptian culture, crocodiles were held in regards of being strong and powerful. This was due to their god Sobek and Ammit. Both having the head of a crocodile. Sobek was associated with the Nile and considered the lifeblood of Egypt and Ammit was known as the devourer of the dead, consuming those that were deemed too sinful or unworthy to enter the afterlife. Some African cultures also hold crocodiles in high regard, believing crocodiles to be fierce and often using them as symbols for their chiefs. This was due to their fast and precise strikes to their prey, making them formidable foes. Crocodiles are also well regarded in many other cultures for various reasons- but all are deemed positive and symbols of strength and impossible feats. ¹⁸

Crocodiles are quite fierce, known for their powerful bites and swift movements. It is no surprise that Tohma would be likened to a crocodile due to his natural brute force and how quick he seems to be able to enact his strength while having limitations. Tohma also is within a higher position, being entrusted by Darkwick to have access to rarer artifacts and keeping hold of them within the Vault, in Frostheim. He, too, is held in a high regard. Albeit, not in a god-like status. But enough so that Jin seems to trust him as well as Darkwick, themselves. His influence just as strong as his powerful blows.

Jour Nekomata

Tohma’s R warding card is what appears to be a cat with two tails. Or rather, a Nekomata. Paired with the word Jour. Here, we’ll analyze the warding card and how it could pertain to Tohma, as a character.

We’ll start with breaking down the aspect of the Nekomata, first.

Nekomata, in Japanese, have a few different spellings. Each have their own connection to what Nekomata are, in relations to the cat yōkai. Starting with 猫また. 猫 - Neko, which simply means cat. また Mata Wa, which means “multiple”, “repeat”, and “either or”. ¹⁹

In instance of the Nekomata, multiple would likely be referring to their tails, of which they have two. But in the world of Tokyo Debunker, repetition is something that is a key story point. Multiple, building off of that, could be in reference to the multiple options laid before Tohma and the multiple options laid before him or the multiple faces he may wear around others. And Either Or being the selection of a situation laid before where he’ll have to select either one option or another.

猫股, again the 猫 for Neko and 股 for forked or bifurcated. This is due to the ‘split’ in the tail of the cat. ¹⁹

This spelling simply refers to the cat’s split tail and how it appears forked. Nekomata have two tails, of which we will explore the meaning on shortly.

Finally, we have 猫又. 猫 for Neko, or cat, as we established in the other two spellings. 又 for ‘again’. Nekomata sometimes known as ‘again’ cats. This is due to cats believing to have multiple lives. Typical from the saying of cats having 9 lives. ¹⁹

There could be a few ways to truly view what this means from a character aspect. Again could have multiple meanings. One such meaning could be the implication of a character repeating something ‘again’. This makes sense in the themes that Tokyo Debunker has built up. Repetition making itself known. It could also imply that Tohma will experience something ‘again’. Perhaps whatever he faced in his previous house will repeat in Frostheim. Then, there could also be themes for the ‘multiple lives’ portion. Tohma leading multiple lives and wearing different faces.

Furthermore, Nekomata have been known to be malicious. Especially when compared to the Bakeneko, which it is often mistaken for. ²⁰

Two types of Nekomata have appeared throughout literature and telling of the cat yōkai; the mountain dwelling Nekomata and the domestic Nekomata. The mountain dwelling Nekomata best known for their ability to shapeshift into humans to deceive them and then to consume them. ²⁰

Then there are the domestic dwelling Nekomata, which are pet cats that grow old and lived tragic lives. Often experiencing hardships via humans and, in turn, causing them to become Nekomata that transform and eat humans. ²⁰

Nekomata, in turn, have often been compared to cat-like vampires, since they often have been noted to drink the blood of their owners. Likely out of an act of vengeance for their mistreatment. They also have the ability to bewitch non-magical house cats, as well. ¹⁹

With all of this in mind, I personally think it starts to showcase possibilities of Tohma’s goals as well as who he is, as a person. I’ll elaborate further on this in the What May Come to Pass section. But, for now, I want to really emphasize the parts that really stick out here; Nekomata can disguise themselves as humans and then consume them, house cats can become Nekomata after reaching an older age and often come from toxic situations, and they can bewitch non-magical house cats.

A central theme in Nekomata seems to be their ability to deceive in order to cause harm or get some sort of vengeance and simply survive. So I find it curious that Tohma has this as his R warding card.

The Other SSR Cards

Perfect Mirror, a character card for Tohma, seems to indicate (in the title) another theme of copying or, at the very least, repeating what others are doing in order to mask and fit in.

Spotted is a warding card featuring Tohma drinking tea while both Kaito and Lucas are in the background, looking in on Tohma. They are separated by a glass barrier, indicating that the Frostheim Vice-Captain is out in a cafe, of sorts. Possibly meeting with someone. Both Lucas and Kaito seem surprised by this. It could be assumed that Tohma is meeting with MC, as that would be my likely guess for a game focused on having MC be the central focus for the ghouls. Or rather, she should be. But, ultimately, we’ll never know who he was meeting with.

Knights Day Off is another warding card that features Tohma. He can be seen walking with the other ghouls in Frostheim, adjusting his monocle and peering over at Jin. Hes only slightly behind Jin and, behind him are Lucas and Kaito. It seems like a casual putting between house-ghouls and nothing is quite out of the ordinary here. But, it’s still important to bring up that he definitely has his focus on Jin.

Audacious Sleuth is another warding card primarily focused on Ritsu, who seems to be listening and recording a phone call of a man with their back turned to him. The man in question is likely to be Tohma, due to the similar hairstyle and coloring of hair. But it could be someone else. Either way, if it is Tohma, it’s interesting to see that he has Ritsu spying on him to collect information. Which seems to, at least, imply that he has some sort of valuable information. Or at least, valuable to Ritsu.

While all of these cards don’t hold any major significance to them and all only give speculations, I think a lot of them really paint Tohma as someone who has connections and is secretive about them. He seems to be masking himself to fit into a world he doesn’t quite belong in. And, overall, he does seem to have some sort of deeper connection with Jin. Though, we’ve been shown that their relationship is quite complex.

Cosmic Bonds

Unlike other characters, Tohma currently (as I’m writing this), is not featured in many cosmic bonds. I did only focus on the ones his SSR Character cards are put in, so please keep this in mind.

The Order of Frostheim is a bond with Jin, Kaito, and Lucas. I think the name is pretty simple in its meaning. It’s a bond between all the ghouls in the Frostheim house. It focuses solely on the order established in their power/rankings. This is a heavy theme throughout Frostheim, after all. Between the references of chess pieces, social structures, and royalty, Frostheim very much presents itself as an ‘orderly’ house. Though, what I find interesting is that despite showing itself to outwardly be a house that follows sort of a chain of command, Tohma is the one who is currently running the forefront of the house, as depicted on his character sheet. He’s doing so while in ‘Jin’s absence’ and presumably has been for quite some time. So- what really is the Order of Frostheim?

Gentlemen with Purpose is a bond with Lucas and Ritsu. This one, I think, is also relatively clear. Tohma, Ritsu, and Lucas are all considered to be ‘proper’. They’re polite and follow social etiquette. Additionally, they all have some sort of larger purpose or goal at hand. Lucas wants to subjugate a demon to find his twin brother. Ritsu wants to win the Laurel Crown and also help his father restore his reputation to some degree. Tohma- well… he has a goal. Whatever it is being unknown to us at the time. But- he has a purpose and he’s clearly putting in the work to reach whatever his goal may be.

Faces in the Crowd is a bond with Leo and Towa. This card, I would say, is where we have to take a bit of a deeper look. Namely because we don’t know much about Tohma or Towa. Whole assumptions would have to be made, here. But I think it simply implies that these three are all people who come across as unsuspecting to others. They’re just faces in a crowd. Someone that others think nothing of. Leo, while us the readers are aware, is two-faced. He’s cruel and has the tendency to use others. But his fan base on TikTok are none the wiser. He’s seen as lovable to them despite thinking his own fans are basic. Towa comes across as harmless and generally pretty friendly. Especially towards people like Haru or MC. However, we’ve seen Towa to be quite powerful and even have malicious and cruel intentions towards others. Namely Ren and Ed. He’s even electrocuted animals. Tohma has himself appear as a gentleman and friendly but, in his very nature, he will do whatever it takes to reach his goals. Presumably even if it is cruel to others.

Shadowed Smiles is a bond with Lucas and Subaru. And this one was the hardest for me to really depict a bond between them. But I would say that this bond actually focuses on the hardships these characters have endured and the smiles they wear being a shadow of their true feelings. Likely feelings of despair and hurt. It may be a bit of a reach here. But I would take a guess that perhaps each have had some cruelties happen in front of them and, now, they offer these friendly seeming smiles in place of what’s truly haunting them. Subaru is known for being a former actor, having done so throughout his childhood. It wouldn’t be a surprise if it came to light that he had some horrible experiences due to this. Lucas, as we do know, had a twin brother. One that he’s desperately trying to get back. It also would not be much of a stretch for me to believe that he may have felt pitted against his brother. Tohma…? Who’s to truly say. But I think time will tell.

The Story So Far

Thus far, Tohma has only appeared in a few chapters and from what we’ve seen of him, he has not revealed much about himself. The following is what we have seen in the story, not campus hangouts, and the central themes that continue to pop up with his character.

The first time we actually see Tohma is in the Prologue Chapter 30. There’s a brief glimpse of a few of the ghouls who attended the assembly of new ghouls, transfers, and the introduction of MC and the role she will be playing here. When showing the characters, we see Tohma sitting with a smile and touching his chin. He seems rather interested in the information being presented and also appears confident, though we can also see there’s someone sitting beside him off camera and Haru, who is relaxed a few seats behind.

Were shown a small handful of the ghouls who attended this assembly, though not all of them attended. For Frostheim, Tohma and Kaito both attended. Though, Tohma was already seated by the time MC arrived with Kaito and Lucas. He seemed quite amused and interested in being there. Which makes sense for his character, as he seems to like to be in the know. An assembly where they’re assigning new ghouls to houses would be one that Tohma would be interested in attending.

The next time we see Tohma is when MC meets him in Episode 1 Chapter 9. MC being sent to work with Frostheim as she approaches Jin’s room. Peering in, she sees that Tohma is speaking to Jin, appearing rather annoyed that Jin seems to be ignoring him. He continues with his explanation of a corpse walking around and Jin continues to show disinterest in the topic at hand. This is when Tohma asks if he’s still feeling unwell and if he should call Mortkranken, which earns a disgruntled look from Jin. Then, he asks if he should contact his father, instead. Causing Jin to lash out and throw an ashtray in his general direction. Tohma seems rather unphased by this reaction and is about to continue on before MC is spotted.

The first time that MC meets Tohma, we are directly greeted with the fact that he’s having some sort of meeting with Jin. At the time, what the meeting is about is unknown to us. Though, later it’s revealed that it’s connected to the mission that will be taking place this episode. Sprinkled throughout.

We’re also first introduced to the fact that Tohma seems to purposely try to frustrated Jin by poking at some of his sore spots; Mortkranken and his father. Seemingly both things that Jin has rather tense relationships with. And the reactions he gets don’t earn a reaction from Tohma, either.

Jin is the first to spot MC and Tohma is quick to tell MC that she’s brazen for being a peeping tom. Jin then tells Tohma to use a match on her, to which he seems quick to comply with, walking over before recognizing who she is- as he had attended the assembly. He informs Jin that the matches will not work on MC due to her curse. Amused by this to some degree.

Once Tohma confronts MC, he’s quick to call her a brazen peeping tom- which, while true from his perspective, certainly was quipped. He also was ready and willing to use the mesmer matches on MC, only stopping when he realized that they would not work on her due to the information he gained at the assembly. His amusement likely stemming from the fact that Jin cannot hide the interaction from MC, at this point. And also likely a mild and secret frustration on his part, since he is also unable to hide the interaction, either. It seems that he’ll be forced to have to work with MC to some degree.

Episode 1 Chapter 11, we learn from Kaito that Tohma is the one MC should go to for things. He states, “The Vice-Captain’s been pretty much running the show lately.”

Aside from Tohma’s character sheet on the main website saying that he’s running things in Jin’s absence, it’s here that the MC learns that the Vice-Captain is the one to go to for anything. And it’s one of the first instances where we see that everyone defaults to Tohma for things, in the Frostheim house. He is, as it has been clearly stated, running the show. And we (and MC) have now seen that Jin keeps himself secluded in his room without wanting to see anyone in there.

Now that MC learns to go to Tohma, she asks Kaito where he can be found. Episode 1 Chapter 12, Kaito informs MC that Tohma can be found in a vault in the Frostheim dormitory, doing paperwork. They set out to go to the vault, with Lucas, and step inside, noting that it’s quite cold and that it’s unlikely that Tohma actually would spend all his time here. Shortly after, the trio see a student by the name of Yumiko running and shouting for someone to help her.

Tohma spends a good chunk of his time, allegedly, within Frostheim’s chilly vaults doing paperwork. Diligent despite the cold temperatures. But what’s truly interesting is, here, this is the first time we see the name Yumiko pop up. And notably, she is running in fear from some anomalous chess pieces. Running from a place where Tohma regularly spends his time.

Episode 1 Chapter 13 kicks off with some action, the anomalous chess pieces that had been chasing Yumiko now focused on MC, Kaito, and Lucas. Lucas preparing to fight the anomalies off before Tohma appears and, in a commanding tone, states “That’s enough.” The chess pieces no longer continue their approach on the trio and Tohma then asks what they’re doing there. They let him know they’re there to give him some paperwork and then MC lets Tohma know there was someone yelling for help earlier. Tohma responds with, “What person?” and the subject is dropped almost immediately, Tohma taking the papers MC came to bring him.

An example of Tohma’s control starts here. He questions why the trio are there- not appreciating the fact that they intruded within his space without permission or warning. It’s clear he keeps the vault secured and an uncomfortable place for others to linger in for long. Almost secluded, in a sense. And when questioned about the person yelling for help, Tohma asks “what person” as if he doesn’t know what the group are referring to. This is doubtful, to me. Someone as calculated as Tohma was very aware of someone being in the vault. And he quickly deflects this topic, accepting the paperwork that MC brought.

Lucas introduces himself shortly after, asking if he could be put on the mission presented on the paper MC just handed over. Tohma is quick to decline this, stating that he does not trust Lucas, as of yet, and that he would only get in his way. Lucas insist he can handle himself and swiftly, Tohma informs that he has not earned his approval. Ever insistent, Lucas tells Tohma to test him, prompting Tohma to say that Lucas has, at least, proven himself stubborn. He offers for Lucas to take up a low ranking mission of his choice and to complete it without incident. If he does so, he’ll consider him for future missions and Lucas agrees. The trio then go to look over the missions provided to make their selection.

This is the first real interaction we see with Tohma and Lucas. Lucas insisting to be given a chance to prove himself and Tohma allowing him the chance while also making it very clear that he does not think much of him, currently. He is willing to let Lucas go on a lower ranking mission and is clear with not wanting to send someone he doesn’t know well to a high ranking and dangerous mission. Assessing others and determining their skill sets and what they can realistically accomplish, Tohma shows his more analytical side here. Risks minimized are his priority of the reward is minimal. It makes sense as to why he is the one spearheading things while Jin remains hidden away.

It doesn’t take long for Lucas and the others to select a mission in Episode 1 Chapter 14. They take the papers to Tohma and have him sign the documents off. Tohma then states that MC must also go along on the mission, as it is her job to do so. Then Tohma asks for a moment of MC’s time, dismissing Lucas and Kaito.

Once again, Tohma seems to ensure that MC goes along on a lower ranking mission to qualify for the task put upon her; go on a mission with Frostheim. With it being a low ranking mission, he can ensure that it won’t be terribly dangerous for MC to embark on.

Episode 1 Chapter 15, Tohma has MC take a seat on one of the chairs, letting her know it’s more comfortable than it looks. He makes her Darjeeling tea, mentioning that it’s Jin’s favorite and how he will be unable to serve it to him for some time and may have to dispose of it. Continuing on, Tohma states that Jin is still furious over MC’s intrusion and, by default, Tohma is still not allowed back into his room.

Tension grows here when Tohma calls out MC for disrupting his conversation with Jin and upsetting him. Making a more clever approach with the topic by starting with offering MC some tea. Then calmly stating that the tea he offered is Jin’s favorite. Pivoting after to then use this as an opportunity to remind MC that she messed up and he is dealing with consequences because of it. Starting by dropping her guard and then going in to leave a scathing comment.

Here, MC has the option to respond three different ways and receives three different answers from Tohma.

1) MC responds with, “I’m sorry…” to which Tohma responds, “If you’ll be coming in and out of Frostheim, you’ll need to learn some manners.”

An apology doesn’t seem to cut it with Tohma, but he’s a little less harsh on his delivery. Essentially stating that some manners will need to be considered when coming into a house primarily built up of the social elites.

2) MC responds with, “I was there for a reason…” and Tohma responds, “You think this is the appropriate moment for excuses? It seems you need an education in etiquette.”

If you have MC state there was a reason to be there, Tohma seems to cut in a little deeper. He doesn’t value what he deems as an excuse. Education and etiquette are something needed when in Frostheim, again, in the upper echelons of society residing in this house. He’s clear to remind MC that she’ll need this in order to really get anywhere within this house.

3) MC responds with, “It’s not just my fault…” and Tohma responds, “I see. So you were peeping.”

Interestingly, if MC states it’s not just her fault- which to me feels more of an excuse than the other two- Tohma doesn’t remind her of manners or etiquette or education. Instead, he just confirms that MC was peeping. This is odd, in my opinion. If you have MC apologize or try to explain her reason, Tohma chides her. But if she attempts to deflect blame, Tohma simply remarks that she was doing as he suspected. Either way, all three options have Tohma slightly displeased and makes him come across as if he simply knows better than MC.

Regardless of what MC says, he states he’ll let it slide for now and asks MC if she plays chess. He explains the chess pieces from earlier are anomalous and that they utilize them in Frostheim, stating they grow in size and attack if they sense malicious intentions from an intruder. He tells MC to not worry, as they won’t attack, unless she has malicious intentions.

The chess pieces then hop onto the board while shrinking down, Tohma instructing MC to go first. “The player who makes the first move has an advantage.”

Chess is considered to be extremely strategic, Tohma offering for MC to go first and allowing her to ‘have an advantage’ is, still on his part, a strategic move. He knows that he has more experience playing chess so, even if MC has an advantage, it doesn’t matter. Tohma knows he will prevail.

Tohma begins to teach MC how to play chess, mirroring her moves with his own pieces. He watches MC ‘his eyes devoid of warmth’. The game then states that it seems as if he’s staring directly into MC’s thoughts and that he doesn’t remove his gaze.

Calculating as ever, Tohma begins to mirror MC’s movements. Mirroring is something that has been mentioned before in one of his character cards; Perfect Mirror. This is a theme that crops up for Tohma often- being one to mimic those around him in order to fit in or seem less intimidating. Despite his attempt at mirroring MC, it’s noted that he isn’t as friendly as he’s letting on. Eyes devoid of warmth suggesting that he is more cold and calculating than originally let on. Seeing into her thoughts- likely enhanced by the fact that he’s mimicking the moves that MC selects.

Still guiding MC on how to play chess, Tohma reaches over and grabs MC, activating his stigma. His movements quick and catching her off guard. Pointing to the board and stating, “check”.

MC would state, “It was as though his voice was inside my head, reverberating down my back, my legs, and right down to my toes. Every hair on my body stood on end. He continued holding my hand and my gaze, a satisfied smile on his lips.”

In this segment, we see that Tohma had activated his stigma and, in true Tohma fashion, tells MC ‘check’ to indicate that he won their chess game. Though, we later find out this message was also meant for someone else.

Episode 1 Chapter 16, Kaito and Lucas are waiting outside of the vault for MC and Tohma to finish their conversation. Lucas questions an anxious Kaito when he seems to be weary of Tohma and, Kaito soon confirms that he is, in fact weary. His response, being, “Are you being serious? He’s shady as fuck!! I mean who wears a monocle in this day and age, huh?!” Kaito then barges into the room and shouts when he sees that MC and Tohma are holding hands. Tohma comments that Kaito needs to learn proper etiquette for his sudden intrusion. And then the chess pieces grow in size and head towards Kaito in a defensive manner, to which Tohma states, “Interesting…”

Learning that Kaito, who is in his second year now, states that Tohma is shady. That him wearing a monocle is odd. Off putting, even. It would not be a stretch to assume that others feel similarly to Kaito about Tohma. Especially considering that he switched from one house to now be the Vice-Captain of Frostheim. Having someone from the outside ascend the rankings so quickly and also take charge in Jin’s absence would certainly lead to many others feeling prickly and untrusting.

Next, Kaito barges into the room and the chess pieces jump up to defend. This is noted as being interesting to Tohma. He also tells Kaito that he needs to learn etiquette. Again, Tohma remarking on others learning manners.

With the conversation between MC and Tohma concluding, he lets MC know she can leave but that she should take her job as the inspector seriously. Cleaning up as nothing happened, Tohma tells MC to address him by his name rather than Vice-Captain. He explains that there are other Vice-Captains and that it would get confusing. He then explains he has an urgent matter to attend to and that he’ll be taking his leave. Tohma departs and the chess pieces follow him.

Knowing that MC must take her duties seriously, Tohma reminds her of this and then departs with the chess pieces. In this instance, we saw Tohma use another for his benefit- as the following scene will elaborate, and then quickly depart to follow up on the other person he had sent the message to.

In Episode 1 Chapter 17, Tohma makes way to Jin’s room. He has a conversation with Jin as the following;

Tohma: “You have my sincere gratitude for allowing me the privilege of entering your chambers.”

Jin: “…You can take your “check” and shove it up your ass.”

Tohma: “You heard my voice, then?”

Jin: “Shameless, aren’t you? How did you bypass the soundproofing?”

Tohma notes that MC has the capabilities of bolstering their stigma use and Jin comments that Tohma “used that girl.” Tohma says yes, and that he was simply testing the claims the chancellor made and that it does seem to be true of her enhancing ability. Tohma then goes on to tell Jin that maybe he could- before being cut off.

Here, we learn that Tohma had used MC to both confirm her ability worked and to send a message to Jin. Not just a message of ‘check’ but, with the thematics of chess and Jin being the ‘king’, Tohma put himself in opposition to Jin, the ‘king’ and had landed a check on him. Not only by bypassing his soundproofing but by proving that he could find ways around his attempts of solitude. This was a power move on Tohma’s part, not only by intimidating MC and confirming how her ability to bolster stigmas worked but also by breaking through the anomalous soundproofing and let Jin know that he can and will find ways around it to get what he wants from him.

Shortly after this exchange, Jin tells Tohma to put on Johann Strauss and Tohma seems a bit confused, stating, “Johann who? Which one is that?” Jin is annoyed by this response from Tohma, asking how he could call himself Vice-Captain. Tohma quips back coolly that he at least performs his duties unlike Jin. Then Jin tells Tohma to leave his room.

A couple things to note in this scene;

1) Tohma did not know who Johann Strauss was.

And

2) It is not beneath him to make jabs at Jin and his inaction.

These are important because they showcase how Tohma can, at times, let his mask slip. He was not aware of who Johann Strauss was and this disgruntled Jin, likely because if Tohma is the Vice-Captain of Frostheim, he should know information pertaining to more ‘refined’ music, as it were. Because Tohma did not know this, it shows that he was not born into a higher class society and could not fit the part as such in a natural manner. Additionally, because Jin was frustrated by his lack of knowledge, he made a remark towards him- to which Tohma responded back harshly. Likely because Tohma has worked hard to perfect his current mask and, therefore, is frustrated that Jin would question his ability to be the Vice-Captain over something as trivial as music.

Tohma does not leave the room and says he still has more to say. Explaining that there were new developments in the case he was investigating. He informs Jin that the child in the video recording was already dead prior to the recording found and that the kid was yet to be identified. Jin comments that the kid is an orphan. Tohma replies with, “So you did read what I sent you.”

Tohma then states he will survey the area, suggesting that Jin join him as well. Jin declines and Tohma remarks, “I can rest easy knowing you’ll be safely tucked up in your room behaving yourself.” Jin calls out his snark which prompts Tohma to respond with, “You won’t be able to hide this indefinitely.” Jin asks if he’ll betray him next. Tohma does not respond immediately but then says, “You still can’t use it, can you? Understood. Please get some rest. But all you are doing is delaying the inevitable.” Jin likens himself to a tasty mouse with hungry snakes all around. When Tohma does not respond, he tells him to fuck off and leave, to which Tohma complies and exits.

Relaying the information over, Tohma does seem grateful that Jin had been reading the information he sent to him. However, things take a bit of a sour turn in their conversation when Tohma reminds Jin of his inability to use his stigma. It seems that Tohma is trying to get Jin to come out and show his face despite his lack of stigma usage. But this does not work and Tohma does not respond to this, only leaving when Jin tells him to do as such.

When we come around to Episode 1 Chapter 29, we find that Tohma is observing the trio on their investigation, but he’s not interacting with them. It does appear that he had been fighting off some anomalies, as there is one cut in half behind him. Shortly after, we see Tohma taking some pills and mentions that “this is getting exhausting.”

Tohma, ever observant, has been watching the trio as they continue their investigation, clearly working in the background of it all. We do learn later that his own mission overlapped into the trio’s mission. But what’s more interesting here is the fact that Tohma is taking pills. And seemingly after having gone into combat.

We do not know what these pills are for but there are a few possibilities I think it could be. I will discuss this in the What May Come to Pass section later on.

Episode 1 Chapter 30, Tohma returns to Frostheim just in time to hear some personal information being leaked through the Masterpiece News. Tohma seems annoyed by this, stating, “Honestly… I haven’t been back five minutes. No one has any intentions of allowing me a moments respite.”

The biggest takeaway here is that Tohma had recently returned from outside of Darkwick. For him to return back to a mess on his hands. Rumors being spread of Jin.

Episode 1 Chapter 31, Tohma walks in on Kaito and Lucas bickering over the mission and teases them by asking if they’re playing hooky. Lucas is quick to state that they had failed the mission, the group failing to capture the anomaly and it escaping as a result. Tohma asks what class the anomaly was, to which Lucas replies it was likely a Class B anomaly. Tohma explains he will check the site to ensure it’s safe for the time being and for the group to return to their rooms. Lucas then asks if he can have a chance to fix his mistakes. Tohma agrees to this, stating he will handle the paperwork and for the group to return in the morning.

It seems that Tohma is willing to give Lucas a chance to rectify his mistake. With the anomaly being revealed to be a Class B- much higher than what he anticipated it to be- and how Lucas and the others had handled things thus far, it seems he’s willing to let him proceed himself further. Testing to see how Lucas is capable. And likely also testing the MC on her own capabilities.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, we’re greeted with some Frostheim students gossiping about Jin. Tohma is attempting to call someone but is unable to get ahold of them. He exclaims that she must have taken him for a fool. Then, Jin barges out with his sword drawn, swinging it and braking a vase in the process. He tells Tohma to come out and asks if he’s the one to have leaked the information to the Masterpiece News. Tohma is quick to suggest that it may have been ‘the dear friend who left his side’. Then reminds Jin that he will always remain by his side.

Here, we can see some complexities within Jin and Tohma’s relationship. It’s clear that Jin suspects Tohma of leaking private and personal information but when Tohma states that it likely was his ‘dear friend’ who betrayed him before and it wouldn’t be unreasonable to think he would betray him again. He urges Jin to remember that he is an ally and not his enemy. An attempt to keep Jin in line and to quit with his brash actions and accusations. Level headed, as always. And quick to turn anything to his advantage if he can.

When the confrontation ends, Tohma remarks that Jin’s swordsmanship was a show for the students and thanks their guests for their applause before leaving with Jin. They go to his room, Jin dragging him presumably by his tie. Jin is quick to ask Tohma what he’s doing but Tohma deflects by saying he should be asking that, instead. And asks Jin to let go of his tie. Tohma reminds Jin that he (Jin) is seeking revenge for his mother and that he won’t allow Jin to forget the promise he made to Tohma.

This is where it seems that there’s a mutual benefit of their alliance. They both seem to be working together on some goal. What that goal is remains unknown but it’s clear that Jin is seeking revenge for his mother and Tohma is using this to his benefit to have Jin aide him. It’s likely that the revenge may also coincide with whatever goals Tohma has in mind. Regardless, they are using one another and benefiting off of one another. But it seems that Tohma is frustrated that Jin is not keeping his end of the bargain due to remaining in his room. Hiding away from his responsibilities. Something we have seen Tohma growing more frustrated with in the chapters leading up to this.

With that out of the way, Tohma tells Jin that his prediction was correct and a Class B anomaly had appeared at the orphanage. Explaining that he had handled the anomaly there, Tohma states that the case still was not over. He continues by saying that he sent the second years to investigate the mansion in the morning. Tohma says that there’s something in that house and then asks Jin what his orders are and explains that even if Jin’s stigma does not work, they will still need their help.

It’s now confirmed that the mission Tohma has been on is overlapping with the mission that the trio are working on. Once again, urging Jin to take part. That they will need Jin’s help even without his stigma.

Episode 1 Chapter 40, Tohma arrives at the mansion where Lucas, Kaito, and MC are at. When he approaches them, he states that he just happened to have an errand in the area and him being there was a coincidence. He then asks the group what their plan was and Lucas says they’re trying to find a way inside. Tohma explains he can make one for them and pulls out an artifact key. Said artifact is a skeleton key and has the capabilities of opening anything so long as it has a keyhole. He goes on to say that he has earned Darkwick’s trust and this allows him access to more valuable and rare artifacts “unlike other ghouls”.

Having earned Darkwick’s trust has now given Tohma access to rare artifacts to take on missions. Something that he clearly thinks is a privilege by his statement of other ghouls. To whomever he’s referring to, we don’t necessarily know. But we see that this statement, alone, has Tohma appear as if he feels he is ‘above’ certain ghouls. We don’t typically see Tohma make statements like this, so it’s interesting that he made a statement in front of two other ghouls and MC.

Lucas asks what business Tohma has at the estate they’re investigating. He explains that there was a case where some children had their hearts removed and Darkwick suspected anomalous activity and assigned the case to Frostheim. It was suspected for anomalous activity due to the bodies of children were discovered months after their deaths and that one of the children showed up in footage a day before their discovery, completely healthy. That this pointed to anomaly activity and how Jin entrusted Tohma to complete this investigation.

We get the details of the full overlap of investigations here and an explanation as to why Tohma is there, to begin with. It seems that both Darkwick and Jin trust Tohma enough to allow him large responsibilities.

As they continue on, Tohma notes that it’s odd they’ve yet to cross paths with anyone in the estate. Tohma tells the three of them to keep watch near Mr. Long-Leg’s room and to call him if they see anything suspicious and not do anything. Heexplains they should refrain from doing anything reckless and if they disobey he will leak Kaito’s personal information all over the Masterpiece Newscasters. He and MC then read over Kaito’s WickChat and he, again, reminds them to follow his orders before departing to the chapel.

Tohma takes command of the investigation here and even goes as far as to using blackmail as a way to keep them complaint. It had been stated before that this was never anything beneath Tohma. We’ve seen him repeatedly use others to his benefit but this is quite a brazen display of his willingness to use others to his benefit.

Episode 1 Chapter 41, investigating the chapel, Tohma says it’s clear of activity but that Class B anomalies have varying intellect and it’s possible they could be using Mr. Long-Leg’s room for the activity despite that being sloppy of them. He goes to regroup with the trio only to find that they are no longer there and wears a very angry expression.

This is the first time we’ve seen Tohma’s expression visibly angry. After the trio disobey his command. It seems he had lost his cool, though it’s good for him no one was around to see his very volatile expression.

Going to Mr. Long-Leg’s room, Tohma opens the door and notices an odd smell coming from the closet. Approaching said closet, he opens it and calls Kaito to ask where he is. Learning that the trip followed Mr. Long-Legs enter the basement and Tohma says they should stay put. Explaining shortly that he opened Mr. Long-Leg’s closet and found his body inside and that what they’re following is not Mr. Long-Legs.

Episode 1 Chapter 44, Jin arrives at the estate and makes his way to the basement with Tohma where they see Lucas fighting off the anomalies.

Episode 1 Chapter 45, Tohma seems impressed and surprised that Lucas had fought off so many of the anomalies stating, “To think he took down this many anomalies…” Lucas soon introduces himself to Jin and Tohma tells Jin to at least give him his name. Jin asks if the girl tied up is MC and Tohma says it is.

It seems Tohma is impressed with Lucas’s ability to fight so many of the Class B anomalies off on his own. He had taken down quite a few and seemed he was still able to fight more of them off if need be.

Tohma soon tells Kaito to lead the children and he will carry those who cannot walk. Jin tells Tohma to clear a path, to which Tohma states he is carrying a child and Jin orders him to not get a scratch on the child in the process. Amused by this, Tohma replies with, “No less unreasonable than the day we met, I see.” While smiling as he charges up the stairs.

We see here how Tohma and Jin work together and it even seems that Tohma is glad that Jin is giving him orders. It seems he feels as if Jin is finally taking some of his responsibility and leadership back- something he had been trying to get Jin to do for some time.

Jin tells Tohma that they’re moving too slow and to go up ahead. Tohma states one of his arms is occupied so he’s less than efficient. The child he’s carrying apologizes for not being able to walk. And Tohma asks why he is apologizing and that he’s a child and will protect him whether he could walk or not. The group then heads to the rooftop.

We see some form of compassion here from Tohma towards the child he was carrying. Even though he is less than efficient because he’s carrying the child, he does not blame it on the fact that the child cannot walk. He says he would protect him whether that was or was not the case. The blame never once being shifted onto the child he’s protecting.

Episode 1 Chapter 46, Jin and Tohma seem to share a silent moment before Jin states, “I know” before Jin uses his stigma. Tohma uses this opportunity to use his artifact to cut down a bulk of the anomalies. Shortly after, Jin commands Tohma to destroy the building and Tohma activates his stigma and swings his artifact down, causing the building to being to rumble. Jin then explains that Tohma’s stigma allows him to send vibrations long distance and with his brute strength combined, he’s able to destroy the estate with ease.

A showcase of Tohma’s brute strength combined with his stigma is displayed here. He was able to destroy an entire building with the combination. A terrifying feat, in of itself.

With everyone now on the helicopter, in Episode 1 Chapter 47, Tohma asks everyone if they’re okay. Per Jin’s request, he also goes to take the kids they’ve rescued somewhere safe. Once the helicopter lands, Tohma uses a match on the children and explains he works for an orphanage that they’ll be going to. That it will be their new home.

After they arrive back at Frostheim, Tohma exchanges a few words with Chancellor Cornelius about the situation with the Masterpiece Newscasters and the new announcement made about Yumiko being the one to leak this information. This remarks that Yumiko being expelled was a light punishment and Cornelius confesses that Jin was the one who requested the lenient punishment above Chancellor Cornelius. This causes Tohma to laugh and states that it’s quite befitting of his title as the president’s son.

Again, Yumiko was brought up and it was revealed that she was the one to leak the information to the Masterpiece News. I do have thoughts on the Yumiko situation that I’ll go into on the What May Come to Pass section of this post. Furthermore, it seems that Jin was the one to ‘reprimand’ Yumiko and not Cornelius. Tohma being quite amused by this prospect. Perhaps because Jin had gone over Cornelius’s head to hand out this ‘lenient’ punishment of expulsion.

Episode 1 Chapter 48, Tohma greets MC at the Frostheim ball being held and explains that he cannot attend to MC due to having some important matters to attend to. He lets her know that the second years are around and she should look for them. MC notes that Tohma, in his house uniform, exudes a slightly different air than usual and he leaves shortly after.

Again, Tohma has ‘important matters to attend to’, something he seems to say often to excuse himself. Another thing to note is how MC states that Tohma ‘exudes a slightly different air than usual’ while in his house uniform. It doesn’t explain what that different air is but it’s still interesting that he seems to hold himself differently depending on what he’s wearing.

Episode 1 Chapter 49, MC and Jin share a dance and when it ends, Tohma tells her that she dances well. Shortly after, Tohma and Lucas have a conversation about how the matches do not affect ghouls. He explains that he felt it was important to bring up due to Lucas wanting to speak with MC as a way to avoid having the matches used on him. Then Tohma notes that he finds it admirable that Lucas was prepared to enter negotiations.

Tohma seems to be able to read others well enough to know that Lucas was going to use MC as a way to prevent the matches from being used on him. However, Tohma is quick to explain that the Mesmer matches do not work on ghouls but thinks Lucas is admirable for being prepared for such a scenario. Still, Tohma has the upper hand as he knew that matches would not work and Lucas did not know this. But he recognizes someone who is clever enough to fish for solutions.

Episode 1 Chapter 50, Lucas then asks Tohma if he knew about the anomalies within the estate and if Lucas was sent there to be tested. Tohma tells Lucas that if he has complaints over the missions provided to take them to the staff, as they are the ones to provide the missions and not Tohma, himself. Noting that he won’t be able to leave without giving explanation due to Lucas’s stubborn behavior, Tohma launches into telling what really happened. He explains that an anomaly had been impersonating Mr. Long-Legs for about six months. He also notes that children were being eaten by anomalies in an orphanage and the anomalies were caught due to their greed of overconsumption. He then explains how Jin was doing his own private investigation with his family connections and he had a thorough plan for their escape. He credits Jin for making the connection between his case in the orphanage and the estate and goes on to say that Jin is actually a kind person.

First, we see Tohma deflect blame to the staff. They are the ones to compile the list of missions and providing their rankings. There could be a few reasons for Tohma to do this. 1) He is trying to get Lucas to realize that the staff are incompetent and untrustworthy for not thoroughly vetting the mission rankings. Or 2) Tohma does not want to be blamed and is shifting it. Personally, I think it’s the latter. He also gives credit to Jin for essentially connecting and planning everything out for their success. Then goes on to say Jin is a kind person. An odd comment coming from Tohma as he is not typically one to uplift and compliment others, from what we’ve seen. He’s either saying this because he gains something from doing this (perhaps gaining Lucas’s trust here), or because he truly means it. He finds Jin to be a kind person and thinks it’s important for Lucas to know this.

After their conversation, Tohma goes to the balcony to meet up with Jin and the two have a conversation. He asks if he can have a cigarette and is given one, Jin lighting it with his own. Jin then tells Tohma to drop the act and how he finds it shameless. Tohma admitting that he’s “grown used to it”. He then calls out Jin for being equally shameless for pulling strings to lessen Yumiko’s punishment from leaking information to the Masterpiece News. Jin excuses himself and departs.

In this brief conversation, we learn that Jin is aware of Tohma putting on an act. That he finds it shameless. Tohma seems to think Jin is equally shameless for being too kind or that he exerted his power over the Chancellor. One of the two. But it’s clear that they’re both aware of the ‘game’ the other is playing and find it shameless or, rather, annoying.

Episode 2 Chapter 20, Tohma arrives at Vagastrom and enters a car with Alan. Leo is listening into the conversation and hears only a part of it. To which Tohma explains that, ‘he’ll take care of it’. Alan apologizes and Tohma then says that they’re “closing in on the spy”. He expresses that Alan needs to keep his head low and not bring anymore attention to himself than he already has. Then he explains that he’s messing with him since Frostheim is not off the hook after “what one of ours did”. Alan says that they have a live one on their hands and Tohka remarks that he was more surprised that he got Jin to make a move.

The two, here, are discussing a couple of different topics. One about a spy. This one, we don’t have much information on. But it’s clear that Tohma (and Alan) are both trying to find a spy. He wants Alan to keep his head low and then says he’s teasing him since his own house had interfered. The topic shifts to Lucas and how he’s a bit on the wild side. But he seems impressed that Lucas got Jin to ‘make a move’. Something that Tohma had been trying to do for some time. Lucas, it seems, will be useful for Tohma.

Tohma asks Alan how his own new guys are holding up and Alan says he doesn’t understand them. Tohma jokingly calls him gramps and explains that one of them will likely become his Vice-Captain so he better train them well. Tohma notes that whoever works the best with MC will likely be given the role and how Alan has done well so far with handling everything on his own. He expresses that he hopes that the burden on Alan’s shoulders will be lightened.

Again, the two continue their casual but informative conversation with one another. It almost feels as if this is the most natural acting we see Tohma. He’s able to tease and even make little jokes. Even still, he treats it as business as well. Telling Alan that he needs to train his newbies well and that whoever will be made his Vice-Captain will be whoever works best with MC. And, furthermore, Tohma seems to find Alan hardworking. Expressing how he’s handled everything on his own. It feels almost genuine that he thinks highly of Alan.

Episode 2 Chapter 26, we learn Tohma was in Vagastrom until the middle of last year before transferring to Frostheim.

A small crumb of lore about Tohma and how he was formerly in Vagastrom before transferring last year. This shows that he was only recently put in Frostheim and how he is a Vice-Captain there.

Episode 2 Chapter 27, Alan gets a call and goes to meet up with Tohma in the car. He asks what he wanted and Tohma explains that Alan was the one to call him here, not the other way around. Leo soon cuts in and reveals himself to the two, stating that he’s the one who lured them both there. Alan and Tohma both reach for their artifacts and Tohma asks Alan to explain how Leo found out about their meetings.

Being secretive as always, Tohma seems to prepare to jump to fighting at the sudden eavesdropping. He is a bit disgruntled, it seems, by someone else having the upper hand on him. Having been tricked into meeting in the car with Alan only for them both to be duped.

Episode 2 Chapter 28, Leo is quick to explain how he asked Alan if he could ‘join in on their fun’ and was told no. Tohma then remarks about how it had to be Leo who sent the message to meet, due to the lack of typos from Alan. Leo confirms this by saying they meet all the time but that Tohma is not in Alan’s contact list and his WickChat is under a different name. Tohma seems only mildly frustrated at how he’s explained to Alan multiple times to set a passcode for his phone.

It almost feels as if Tohma was underestimating Leo by feeling as if he only figured this out due to Alan’s lack of diligence. Putting the blame on the lack of password on his phone. But tension does seem to ease up slightly, since he seems to not take Leo as a serious threat here, when only moments ago him and Alan were both ready to attack if need be.

Leo questions why someone from Frostheim is meeting here- noting how Frostheim and Vagastrom are meant to be enemies and questions why Jin is not the one to have these little meetings. Tohma explains that one of his duties is to maintain relationships between houses has been entrusted to him by Jin and how he only reports to Jin if there’s a major issue. Then states the only reason Jin was there earlier was because he was looking after their new transfer student, as he’s taken him under his wing. Then Tohma notes that he has quite an unruly new first year.

Tohma cooly explains why he’s there rather than Jin and doesn’t seem to give more information than necessary. Again, it seems he’s underestimating Leo here.

Alan cuts in and explains how Leo is good with tech, that he didn’t teach him that, and earnestly responds to Tohma’s question of if he taught him that. Leo explains how it was sarcasm on Tohma’s part and asks if he’s sure that Tohma isn’t taking advantage of him. Leo then asks how much he extorted the “chick with the dad from Saionji Trading” and Tohma plays dumb, saying he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Alan tells Leo to go back to his room and Leo snaps that he’s only trying to look out for him. Alan explains that Tohma has his own reasons for doing what he’s doing and to not meddle in his business.

Immediately, Leo does not trust Tohma. He seems to think Tohma has ulterior motives. Then goes on to bring up the fact that Tohma had extorted someone despite Tohma playing dumb at this. Despite this, Alan does not seem interested and says Tohma has his reasons for doing what he’s doing. So we see that here, Alan trusts Tohma and his intentions. And we also see that Leo does not trust him in the slightest and Tohma seems to underestimate him, in turn. Even as he’s called out for extortion, he simply plays dumb.

Episode 7 Chapter 19, MC runs into Zenji and Haku on campus and begins to converse with them. Tohma appears shortly into it saying, “My, my. What an interesting pair.” before commenting on the artifact that’s following Haku around (the doll) and how he’s heard Haku has personally taken up the investigation for it. Haku explains how it’s “in our wheelhouse” to investigate traditional artifacts. Tohma is quick to point out the use of “our” and MC internally notes that things feel tense.

Tohma displays here that he’s quick to pick up on unusual language usage (Haku saying ‘our’ when he’s currently alone from Tohma’s perspective) and the strange doll artifact following him. I think it’s clear that he thinks something is off and that Haku is hiding something.

Tohma then explains how he actually has business with MC and confirms that she’s currently working with Mortkranken. He then launches into an explanation that someone from Frostheim had passed away. Tohma says that it is in Frostheim’s best interest that the case MC and Mortkranken are working on be solved quickly but that Mortkranken had declined to do an autopsy on the body of the dead student. Haku asks why they refused and Tohma tells him to not act dumb and that they both know who made that call. Then Tohma says that Frostheim is willing to respect Yuri’s wishes but that they will not allow for someone to threaten their students and run off with personal information. MC notably is confused by this revelation.

Again, Tohma feels as if he has the upper hand here. He tells Haku to not play dumb- they both know it was Yuri who declined to do an autopsy. Then he also reveals information that someone (whom he suspects to be Jiro) had run off with personal information from Frostheim.

Episode 7 Chapter 20, Tohma notices MC’s confusion. He asks her if she was not aware of what had happened that night. Tohma replies with, “I had assumed an esteemed inspector such as yourself would be aware of the actions of your assigned house. Perhaps I had the wrong impression of you.” He then tells MC to relay a message to Yuri. That Frostheim will be giving their full support to Darkwick General Medical Center rather than Mortkranken.

Tohma is quick to call out MC’s incompetence, here. How he may have overestimated her abilities as an inspector. Then uses MC as a way to relay a message to Yuri on a subject he knows will anger the Mortkranken Captain. Again, showcasing his ability to use underhanded tactics to try and strong arm what he wants. And, either way, he wins. Either Yuri complies and does the autopsy or Yuri declines and he gets under his skin.

Rui soon appears behind Tohma, jokingly saying he’s surprised everyone here is being buddy-buddy and how it’s hilarious. Then he comments on how he finds it odd that Tohma was chatting with others since it was a rare sight and Tohma replies back, saying it’s even more odd that Rui is out and about considering his movements are restricted. Rui reminds Tohma that even though he’s been hiding, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t keep his eyes on everyone. Tohma then reveals that Rui’s artifact allows him to conceal himself in darkness and thanks Rui for the heads up. To which Rui replies with a simple, “no problem”.

Another tense conversation takes place. But this time it seems that Tohma does not feel he has the upper hand. Rui catches him by surprise and calls out his unusual ‘chatty’ behavior and Tohma tries to give his own witty remark about how Rui’s movements are restricted. Rui doesn’t seem put off or bothered by this comment and teases that he may be hiding but he still knows things. This whole exchange feels as if it holds multiple layers of meaning here. That it’s an attempt for them both to try and get under each others skin, only Rui seems to be unbothered where as Tohma feels more on the defensive here.

Rui changes the topic, speaking to MC to let her know he has a box for her to give to ‘Big J’ (Jiro) since he was at Obscuary last night looking for some herbs. Tohma seems confused by this, as he had believed Jiro to be at Frostheim that night and not Obscuary. Rui then goes on to state that Darkwick General knows nothing about curses and for Mortkranken to keep up the good work. Tohma only raises his brow at this comment and Haku mumbles out a “yikes”. Tohma then excuses himself and apologizes for interrupting the conversation before Haku tells him it was nothing important. He tells him good luck with chaperoning Jin and Tohma says it’s an honor to serve him and then departs.

This exchange is pretty charged. In one quick motion, Rui is able to knock Tohma off of his game. Both by saying that Jiro was at Obscuary the night before and that Darkwick General lowkey kind of sucks. Haku commenting “yikes” proves that the comment was rather scathing and Tohma is speechless. Instead of digging further, he retreats. The entire exchange almost shows that Tohma feels as if he cannot gain the upper hand with Rui. So much so that he’d rather leave than make the situation worse.

As it stands, these are the scenes that Tohma appears in and they start to really show us how Tohma is as a person. Through the various interactions he has with others and the actions he takes. The story makes it clear that he’s one to use everything to his advantage and likely the most genuine relationship he has is with Alan. Followed likely by Jin. Though- their relationship is complex and likely filled with multiple layers.

We also see that Tohma has prickly conversations with multiple ghouls such as Leo, Haku, Rui, and even Yuri to an extent (though through MC and not directly since it seems Yuri is avoiding them).

We also see that Tohma had some underhanded dealings with a student named Yumiko and it carries on throughout the Frostheim chapter and is even brought up again in the Vagastrom chapter. Extorting her for his gains.

Tohma has been displayed as someone who’s very clearly putting on an act- as called out by Jin- and uses others for his own benefit. Yet, he’s also someone who does value those who cannot defend themselves when he tells the kid that he’d protect him whether he could walk or not and to not beat himself over it.

He is a complex character with complex motivations.

What May Come to Pass

I want to quickly note that in this section, these are all my theories and predictions for the character path that Tohma may take in future chapters. There is a high chance some of these may be used as red herrings or simply not happen at all. But the fun in all this is to speculate, no? So please take this section with a grain of salt but enjoy it, all the same, as we explore these potential possibilities.

The Again Cat

As we discussed in the R Warding card, Jour Nekomata, one of the spellings for Nekomata breaks down into ‘again cat’. A reference to their multiple lives. Tokyo Debunker has clear themes on repetition and cycles. This theme carries on in Tohma with clear references to multiple lives. The theme also comes up with Tohma’s name, as well. Bridges being a representation from one transition to another; the ending of a cycle and the rebirth of another. With cats having multiple lives and bridges being a metaphor for going from one life to another- I can’t help but to feel that this connection is just a little deeper. While I don’t feel that Tohma is aware of these repeating cycles, I do feel like it’s too large of a theme to really ignore, at this point.

Betrayed By the Game

Now, I want to really focus on the multiple hints the game seems to remind us of Tohma’s deceptive nature. I feel it would not be out of Tohma’s nature to betray Jin. In fact, I feel as if it’s possible he’s already begun.

I want to start by discussing Yumiko and how that whole ordeal was handled in the story. So let’s go over that part step by step;

Episode 1 Chapter 12, we see Yumiko in the Frostheim Vaults running away from the anomalous chess pieces.

Episode 1 Chapter 13, Tohma denies knowing what person was inside the vault, at this time.

Episode 1 Chapter 30, Tohma returns to Frostheim with information on Jin being leaked.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, Tohma is attempting to call Yumiko but she isn’t picking up the call.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, Jin confronts Tohma, thinking he was the one to betray him.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, Tohma states he is always on Jin’s side.

Episode 1 Chapter 47, Yumiko was exposed as the one to leak information and was expelled.

Episode 1 Chapter 47, Cornelius reveals it was Jin who had Yumiko expelled.

Episode 2 Chapter 28, Leo exposes Tohma for extorting Yumiko.

Episode 2 Chapter 28, Tohma pretends to not understand what Leo is talking about.

I have a hard time believing that an ordinary student had the ability to sneak into the vault without Tohma’s knowledge. Additionally, I’m curious as to where Yumiko was able to get such sensitive information about Jin from.

Would it be so hard to believe that Tohma had ‘planted’ the information for Yumiko to gain? I don’t think so. He’s been painted to us as clever and willing to use any means necessary to get what he wants.

Additionally, we hear about the sensitive information being leaked when Tohma was conveniently out handling mission affairs. He then attempts to call Yumiko but she doesn’t answer.

Why was he calling her, specifically, unless he knew she had the information? And, again, why would she have this information? Who would she get it from?

We only see her tied to Tohma, in the story.

Jin also suspects Tohma so much as to blatantly leave his room- a goal Tohma has been aiming for some time, now- to confront him. Tohma is quick to push blame onto his ‘dear friend that left his side’ when he was, moments ago, trying to contact Yumiko. He reassures Jin that he’s on his side.

Then we hear about Yumiko being expelled for leaking the sensitive information. We also learn that Jin was the one to have this happen and Tohma considers it a ‘light’ punishment.

Finally, we later find out from Leo that Tohma had blackmailed Yumiko. And then Tohma, once again, pretended to not know who Leo was talking about. He had used the same tactic when told that Yumiko was fleeing the vault.

Playing dumb is a tactic that Tohma uses.

Extortion is a tactic that Tohma uses.

Is it truly unbelievable that betrayal also would not be a tactic that Tohma uses?

I think what happened in this scenario was that Tohma had given Yumiko information on Jin about his mother. Then has Yumiko leak the information when he’s conveniently not there. Followed by trying to contact her- likely to blackmail her to not reveal where she got the information from- and then she falls for the information he wanted leaked all along.

The thing that throw this off is why did she run from the chess anomalies if he invited her?

Perhaps he didn’t. Perhaps he simply hinted at information being in the vault and turned a blind eye to her ‘sneaking in’. What he didn’t account for was MC to ask about her. But he was able to play dumb.

Either way, I don’t have all the answers there. But I just find the whole thing very much tied up to Tohma. And his motives are more clear to me than a random NPC girl we only see a brief glimpse of.

Tohma had been trying to lure Jin to take action, after all.

Either way, Tohma betraying Jin is not something that I find far-fetched. Once he gets what he wants from Jin, will he find him of any more use? Only time can really tell.

Transition of Power

Speaking of betrayal- I find it very convenient that Tohma had also switched halfway through a year from one house to Frostheim and took over the Vice-Captain role. He also mentions to Jin about his ‘dear friend who left his side’. Whether that friend is Yuri or Haku- or even a third mystery party- feels irrelevant to me at this time.

With how often we’re shown that Tohma will do whatever necessary to reach his goals- would it be hard to believe that he set up Jin’s ‘dear friend’ to betray him (or leave his side)? To take over and ‘transform’ into that friendship role in their place?

We’ve seen him (presumably) set up Yumiko. Setting up others seems to be something he is familiar enough with.

And with the transition themes that pop up on Tohma, I find him transitioning from one role to another to be pretty commonplace. How he transitions is truly the key here. And betrayal does not seem far off the notch for me.

Cure for the Curse

Episode 1 Chapter 29, we see Tohma consume some mysterious pills. We don’t know what these pills are for or why Tohma is taking them. We can see clearly that Tohma had been fighting anomalies shortly before taking the pills. So I have a couple of thoughts on what they’re for;

Tohma has been cursed and is managing it through pills.

Multiple uses of the stigma breaks down the users body.

For the first one, Tohma being cursed and managing it through pills is not too out of the question. Especially when you consider what Rui says to him in Episode 7 Chapter 20 and the reactions both Haku and Tohma give.

That scene always sort of gave me the feeling that it was deeper than just a simple interaction. And when I thought about it, it started to make sense to me.

Tohma tells MC to relay to Yuri that Frostheim will be funding ONLY Darkwick General Medical Center going forward, due to their lack of cooperation. Then Rui blatantly states that Darkwick General knows nothing about curses.

Haku, who knows quite a bit about curses, responds with “Yikes…” and Tohma is silent before leaving.

Rui would likely be intimately familiar with how Darkwick General handles curses, considering he is cursed, himself. And there is some heavy tension between Rui and Tohma. Rui stating it’s weird for Tohma to be out and about (even in a campus hangout). Then Tohma trying to deflect by saying it’s weirder for Rui to be out (always implying his curse is the reason).

Could Rui be hinting that Tohma is also cursed?

Could the pills not be effectively working for Tohma and he knows this? Or could he be getting them supplied from Mortkranken secretly?

Either way… we know the comment that Rui said about Darkwick General knowing nothing about curses was enough to make Tohma back off and leave.

For the second one, there’s a little less to go off of. But we’ve seen Leo complain about his ears throughout the story and how they’re sensitive. Is it possible the more he uses his stigma, the worse the condition becomes?

And is Tohma perhaps using his stigma so much to the point of needing pills?

It’s possible.

But… I do think Tohma being related to curses, to some degree, and possibly even being cursed feels more likely. Especially with his tension with Haku and Rui. Both who are also quite knowledgeable on curses.

There are more things I could say here but I’ll leave it with these few things. But what I can say is that Tohma is definitely a secretive character that I expect us to learn more about in the coming chapters.

Overview

As I researched Tohma, I felt there were a few reoccurring themes throughout his character.

Notable ones being; his ability to ‘blend in’ to any crowd and come across as unassuming, the deception he uses on others to further his goals, and transition or change.

I don’t think that Tohma is a villain. He is a complex character with unknown motives to us, the reader. But whatever his goals are, it’s clear he’ll do whatever he can to reach them. The game made this clear from the beginning.

Expecting deception and betrayal from Tohma should be expected.

But when we peel the layers back, what will we find behind the facade? Who is the real Tohma Ishibashi? Or has he lost his true self from the multiple attempts to blend in for his endless pursuit to complete his tasks?

Tohma mentions having grown comfortable with his game of pretend, to Jin. And he fits the role well enough. Always the ever-loyal Vice-Captain, as he often reminds Jin. Trust him.

The duality of deception is that when you try hard to trick others, how far will you go before you ultimately trick yourself?

Final Author Notes

If you’ve made it this far, then thank you for taking the time to read this incredibly long post. It feels a bit all over the place for me. But I still had fun working on it, all the same.

Again, if you don’t agree with anything I’ve said- that’s fine! Just be respectful, is all I ask.

I will say, Tohma is not my favorite character by any means necessary. But he is interesting and complex in a way that I do find fascinating. I expect to see an interesting story from him, whether it’s something I predict or not.

Anyways. Once again, thanks!

Credits & Sources

[1] https://tokyodebunker.com/characters/ishibashi-tohma/

[2] https://www.reddit.com/r/TokyoDebunker/s/4M8H3o4Al0

[3] http://www.aseekersthoughts.com/2010/04/tower-as-symbol.html?m=1

[4] https://spiritualmojo.com/tower-spiritual-meaning/

[5] https://www.dreamdictionary.org/dream-dictionary/dreaming-of-bridges/

[6] https://daily-ink.davidtruss.com/bridging-metaphors/#:~:text=Or%20we%20find%20bridges%20as,get%20us%20over%20a%20challenge.

[7] https://www.reneeharmon.com/2023/02/15/stepping-stones/#:~:text=The%20metaphor%20of%20stepping%20stones,doesn't%20seem%20as%20daunting.

[8] https://www.scienceofpeople.com/signature-analysis/

[9] https://www.wikihow.com/Analyze-Handwriting-(Graphology)

[10] https://www.zodiacsign.com/zodiac-calendar/may/31/

[11] https://colors.dopely.top/inside-colors/beige-color-color-of-energy-and-strength/?amp=1

[12] https://www.figma.com/colors/beige/

[13] https://www.optometristsclinic.com/b/how-the-monacle-became-symbol-wealth-edmonton

[14] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/contrived

[15] https://www.talknerdytome.com/blog/what-does-touching-your-face-mean-in-body-language

[16] https://dreammeaningai.com/en/symbol/zipper

[17] https://www.historyextra.com/period/ancient-egypt/why-do-we-say-crocodile-tears/

[18] https://www.symbols.com/symbol/crocodile

[19] https://thejapanbox.com/blogs/japanese-mythology/nekomata

[20] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nekomata

#tokyo debunker #tdb #tkdb #tohma ishibashi #frostheim #Tokyo debunker character study #character study #vexoverthinksthischaracter

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