#so its getting posted bc idc about fixing it anymore

[lostxmelody]

after milgram

[aito-mation]

forgive me if the question was rhetorical, but in totk link doesn't have to dress up as a girl to get in gerudo town anymore. i dont think the gerudo that sells you the girl outfit is seen in the game this time? not to my knowledge, anyways. link is recognised in gerudo town as the dude who saved everyone and is a close friend of riju's, and so is the only man allowed in. i haven't even seen the girl outfit in totk, but maybe thats just me, so take it with a pinch of salt

unfortunately though, there is a larger presence of creeps trying to get in? theres a guise of "haha we're just trying to do business with them!" thats obviously fake, but im not quite sure what their intentions are but its just a bit uncomfortable to include tbh. one is seen actually inside gerudo town, sneaking around and afraid of getting caught.

the slightly good news is that theres a pretty feminine outfit link can wear without any of the bizzare implications or orientalism. its just a cute outfit with a nice status boost (to my understanding) & theres a larger presence of darker skinned/black coded hylians that aren't exoticised like the gerudo are. bare minimum but i guess we can take what we're given

i really wish that nintendo would be normal about the gerudo and stuff (even giving the other races a little big of language so the gerudo dont seem so Other when they say voe/vai/savaaq etc) but alas, baby steps i guess

the question wasnt rhetorical i have seen one single person on twitter bring up that the orientalist outfit was removed, but they didnt comment on the gerudo’s depiction at all n i saw no other mention of it anywhere, thank u for sending this.

it doesnt sound like they actually fixed the transphobia tho, bc theyre still doing a “girls only” “only guy allowed” cisnormative type shit. “creepy guys” “dressing like women” to access “women’s spaces” is transphobic Period. doesnt matter what the in-universe lore is yknow ?? the real world anti-trans rhetoric rn is at an all time high, its unconscionable to include anything like that.

like doesnt anyone else remember how they intentionally made link androgynous in oot ?? hes not a “strong hero guy” archetype, but a lot of my problem w that is based in the fandom n is a whole other post. idc if link has a “feminine” outfit option bc that just gives the fans i was criticizing the opportunity to further sexualize him. literally the tweet i mentioned, that said they removed the orientalist outfit, comments on links “sexy” outfit he can wear instead. GAG !

also the idea of “baby steps” is for individual people, not international megacorporations bringing in 12 BILLION dollars a year. you Dont need to “take what u can get” u need to not buy games from a demonstratably racist company, and clearly say that the reason is bc they keep including racism in their games. japan as a country needs to address the racism rampant in their media more, n the media companies-especially when they go international-need to recognize the need for awareness. how dare they b antiblack in games they r selling to black people ! how dare they b colorist in games they r marketing in brown ass countries. n its not like black n brown ppl dont live in japan, bc they do n they experience racism constantly ! japan likes to try and separate itself from the rest of asia n in doing so reinforces existing stereotypes about other asians, particularly southwest asians n other asians who tend to have darker skin. japan has a huge colorism problem n that cant b ignored w any of nintendo’s games bc they always put it front n fucking center. the new pokemon games were racist, the fucking kirby game was racist !! nintendo Cannot get a nostalgia pass anymore. theyre not ur friend, n theyre certainly not mine.

tears of the kingdom made 10 million dollars in three days. nintendo is not hurting bc people r rightfully pointing out that they Have to do better. but theyve been actively getting worse, not just in what they put in their games, but in the way they openly mistreat their staff. not to mention putting gary bowser in indentured servitude for having the audacity to try and preserve game history w emulation. nintendo execs have gone on the record saying they dont care if games get wiped off the face of the earth, lost to history. the consumers have to put in the work bc nintendo Will Not.

[thisdogpaystaxes]

shaking my fists at the sun for giving me emotions and thoughts i miss being on go mode slut mode party mode crazy mode skinny insane fucking------

i know how to kick start that and i know how to end it. and its dangerous. i am probably killing my body!!! faster than the average bear.

first step is likeeee dealing with the reason im crying rn and im not alone.......

my bedroom door made a noise and idc anymore im sad.

im in this relationship basically but. its temporary we both know it because its not just supposed to be long term. i also have talked myself down to realizing i do want monogamy and i believe in a perfect romantic soulmate for me like a perfect someone who will just fucking understand everything about me. and i will feel cool and comfyyyyy. one day. not now. i need to focus on myself and imbeyond lucky to be given time to actually fix my problems before a good person comes along. i deserve this.

its not him. i have my endgame people, he and she both know who they are, and i know they'd back off if i thought i met someone else. bc we r all like cool soulmates. anyways.

i need to not have romance and romantic things going on right now because im not sure if i can handle them. i sometimes wish things w my partner rn would be good enough to be long term, it just will never work out. just thought about it a bit. but no, its just not. meant to. like i know and we agreed on it a while ago, just casual

anyways. its draining to have romance in my life rn i like being a party gworl. i like go drinky no feely! idk. i need to be alone and not getting into stupid shit and i fucking keep doing it because i am such a slut and its not fucking fair i need to stop!!!!!! i feel love deprived and that means i just gotta fix this here brain and be better and shit. more world learning to dooo. repetitive repetitive. theses posts are so cyclical god DAMNNNNN

I NEED TO JUST BE FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE NO SEX NO DATES NO KISSING NO HUGGING UNTIL A WHILE IN.... JUST LEARNING FROM VIBES AND EXCITEMENT AND CASUAL TOUCHES AND MUSIC ANAD A-

[xx-psych0-rabbit-xx]

rating fandom affection terms for characters because i have nothing better to do

favorite character-simple, straight forward, not bad at all, but it lacks spice and a true demonstration of love, 8/10 gets the job done

problematic favorite-a great term, once again straight forward but in this case about the guy in question being acknowledged as a stinky rascal, 10/10

cinnamon roll-its ok, i was never into it bc idc for those types of characters, suffered a sad fate of eventually becoming a term associated with diminishing characters into just their "cute and pure" traits, 2/10 bc i remember it getting really annoying after a while, it being from old fandom times society wants to forget doesnt help its case

smol bean-same feelings as above, but suffered a more tragic fate that its downfall was caused by 30 years old adults attempting to call themselves smol beans, 1/10 i use smol every once in a blue moon

tol-i honestly dont think this was ever put in proper use, it was created to match smol but taller people (in fandom height standards thats anyone above 5'0) do not give off the vibes fandom people need to want to infantalize them, 5/10 for sounding a bit funny

waifu/husbando-i think someone using those to refer to any character at all should be a red flag, 1/10 someone can get more 4 points if their favorite is of age to be called that

best girl/best boy-can be a red flag but can also be used as a term for "whos your favorite from *gender*?" so it gets a mild pass, 4/10

baby boy (baby)-cute! came from a decently funny meme, 7/10 funny to scream out when youre rotating them in your brain

gay baby-im honestly convinced this wasnt used by a single lgbt+ person outside of like, maybe a gay baby jail joke, 0/10 called me a slur

rat-was funny the first fifty times, 6/10 not horrible but after a while it felt like itd meet the same fate as cinnamon roll

komaeda-i do not know how i feel about this, if its used in a conversation itll either be hilarious or be the worst attempt at making a character summary, ???/10

twink-i keep getting flashbacks to the chubby twink fight in that post about the animal crossing owls everytime i hear it, 6/10 i dont know what it means anymore

sexyman-funny term for us, slur for the characters, im confused if this is even an affection term/10

son/daughter-adorable i love seeing this get used for a character who had family issues, 8/10 just very sweet

poor little meow meow-the specific brand of irony is genius, its like watching a victorian woman throw bread crumbs at a starving orphaned homeless child, 9/10 my friend wanted to kill me for calling lancelot from king arthur my meow meow

skrunkly-meow meow but with a bigger brand of pity, truly like seeing a cat who just got out of a bath and is in misery, 10/10

blorbo-a fine revolutionary term used to fight back against angry ops their posts were getting fandom tags in the fandom app, 20/10 cured my fear of judgement

*any sexual term*-would maybe be a bit funny if you guys used it for men who actually look pretty for once, 2/10 has ironic potential

slut/whore-very funny if used in a couple of men, otherwise its just awkward 3/10

any graphic paragraph of wanting to fix a man through something such as putting them in rice-a great way to show concern but still hint at being able to laugh at them, 10/10 i tried joking about this with a friend outside of tumblr and she acted like i was insane

will update if i remember more <3

[mieczyhale]

.

gonna be completely honest: “character walks by a doorway and overhears other character say Bad Thing completely out of context, then walks away before they hear that the rest of the thing wasn’t actually bad” or plots along those lines, the misunderstanding that leads to hurt that leads to comfort, gotta be one of my favorite things in fiction. 

a character (especially the kind who is insecure / has trust / abandonment issues) getting hurt emotionally by something they heard or saw, double when it involves someone they love/trust that they thought loved/trusted them in return?? reading about their pain?? and then the person they overheard not knowing whats happened and being worried about the person because they’re acting different or avoiding them or whatever?? actions??? situations?? emotions?? everything involved with the concept - all the possibilities - that then end with the resolution / misunderstanding being fixed and the comfort and love and reassurance-

it’s good shit

the hurt/comfort of it all. the drama of it all. the hurt/comfort of it all. 

idc if people think its a “lazy” trope (which btw what the fuck is a lazy trope?? shut the fuck up lmao) or that “miscommunication plots are dumb / make me mad” okay well that’s entirely a /you/ problem, its got nothing to do with anyone else, so maybe control the content you take in and leave writers alone you can enjoy your healthy, communication filled, conflict-less* story (”but there are other conflict options!” DONT CARE. “lack of communication isnt a good conflict” TO YOU. it isn’t a good conflict to you) but i wont. TO ME that sounds dull. “they just need to talk” yes but they wont!! because they’re (probably) human beings!! who are flawed and fucked up and strong but fragile and full of love and miscommunication / misunderstandings / accidentally hurting the people you love are all very real life things!! and i wanna read about it happening to my favorite characters, just as much as i wanna read about them involved in physical pain or end of the world problems.

 *again: i don’t care that there are other conflict options, i KNOW they exist, i read a lot of them. love me a good conflict. but as this post is about a specific KIND, because y’all are shitting on it and hate when people write it, the lack of it is what i meant by ‘conflict-less’ (i feel like i’m not explaining that well AT ALL but whatever. i fucking know what i mean)

(but also like.. y’all really do sound like you hate all unhealthy things when you bitch about this topic. like you want your story to be Pure and Lacking Conflict or whatever. the same vibe as people who bitch about “unhealthy / toxic” ships and the “if you write it you must endorse it” crowd. y’all sound the same)

this is exhausting

irritating too, yes, but also just.... ughh?? not just the bitching about it part, because that’s on me, but reading that kind of stuff. those kinds of takes.

i’ve been in fandom too long for this (which means you’d think i wouldn’t care about opinions anymore, and normally i don’t - not enough to post about them anyway - but i’m in A Mood so *gestures at whole post*)

anyway

note:: if none of this actually makes sense, bc i absolutely kept losing focus while typing, then sorry. but im not trying to make this nice, this is more about me needing to vent and less about you getting my opinion. that’s just a bonus - or a negative. your choice.

[acircusfullofdemons]

Follow up question <3 tell us about the Pastas.

- @maddgicalgirl

@maddgicalgirl So. :>

Wait b4 I get into that, idk how familiar you are with creepypasta (im assuming at least a little bit bc you asked this lol) but just to be safe: Creepypastas are internet horror stories, they're (imo) usually pretty sucky bc they're all written by 12yos, but whatever the fandom never sticks with Canon anyway. There's also the SlenderMansion AU (very popular, you've probably seen fanart of it) where the pastas all live together. Whos there depends in the person i guess? So for me its: Tim/Masky, Brian/Hoodie, Slender, Toby, Ben, Jeff, EJ, Jane, LJ, Smile Dog, Sally, and my parame Simon. Sometimes Jason & Slender's brothers are there, too.

I mostly daydream about Tim/Masky being my dad. and also Brian/Hoodie, being my other dad. They are Married <3

Tim is your typical tired dad, I guess? Him & Brian work for Slender with Toby (who've they also mentally adopted as their son/brother). Brian worries about everyone (he has anxiety) and is generally a mother hen ngl. Since I also mentioned Toby here (+ I want all the proxies together), he's a chaotic lil shithead but knows when to pull it together for serious situations. A more realistic version of the popular fanon, I guess.

If Tim is a Tired Dad then Slender is a Tired Grandpa <3 /j. He's the one that actually runs things & makes sure the pastas don't murder each other, especially Jeff & Jane. Its also hard to tell if he genuinely cares about the pastas or not - an elderitch being with no face is pretty good at hiding its true emotions, shocker ‐ but he does tolerate them living in his house, so. Probably? He secretly wants to be a dad let him have this.

Jeff.....has actually chilled out. Like. A Lot. I'm still toying with the idea of if he murdered his older brother, Liu, yet. Because if he didn't, then Liu would be a detective; but if he did, then Simon (my parame) would be able to see Liu (they're the para i mentioned that can see ghosts) & fix their relationship so Liu can move on. ANYWAY, personality-wise, he's still an ass but now its like. A Funny Asshole. Probably bc he spends to much time with LJ. He's also the primary caretaker of Smile Dog (he's a "family dog", but also Jeff's Dog, u know?).

Jane has also chilled out. In the sense that she isn't trying to murder Jeff on sight anymore. After some talking (and encouragement from Slender), they've decided to call it a truce (?) and more or less ignore each others existence unless necessary. It works surprisingly well.

Here's a post that kind of explains the gaming pastas ("Glitches" as they're called here), including Ben.

Sally is. just a lil 8yo baby we love her <3. She's also the only child living at the mansion & kind of likes it that way. She likes being the only Baby so all the attention is on her 💖

EJ is the mansions doctor! He was turned into a Demon before finishing med school, but Slender has plenty of medical books and its EJ's Special Inerest (listen....idc at this point. they all have adhd and/or autism. fight me) so he learned everything pretty quickly, which is good because its. a bunch of murders living together. What do you think happens daily.

I don't daydream about LJ that much idk why I listed him but yeah he's There he Does Things.

I'd talk about Simon but I've gone on long enough, that's like. a whole other post lmao.

[jasontoddiefor]

This is entirely @excuseme-howdareyou ‘s fault so here we go

A Hopefully More Or Less Complete List Of My Star Wars AUs with honorable mention of @anakinskywalkher as the person I usually bother with my stuff. We also have more AUs together. No, they’re not here because this post is incredibly long already.

I tried to summarize one AU in one sentence. I hope you’re happy.

Here are the AUs I’ve actually written something for [AO3]:

Obi-Wan raises Luke AU: in which Obi-Wan can’t give Luke away and Luke, set after ANH, drags Vader to the Rebellion kicking and screaming

Self-Made Jedi Anakin: In which Anakin wasn’t accepted into the Order and proceeds to study old Jedi temples

Counterpart AU: Jedi and Sith as yep halves of the same order co-parenting their younglings

Grandfather Vader: Pre-ANH Luke as a teen Dad with toddler Rey making Vader realize he needs to change his plans

Accidental Sith Shmi: Shmi, leading the slave uprising on Tatooine, becomes a Sith

Qui-Gon Padawan Reversal: Anakin as his first padawan, Feemor as the baby of the lineage

Female Anakin: Genderbend Fix-it in which the Republic falls but there’s no Vader

Assassin’s Creed AU: Anakin in the 21st century struggles with the memories of his ancestor Vader

Tyrant of Tatooine AU: Anakin is never found and leads a slave uprising

Tiny Emperor Luke AU: Vader kills Palpatine and makes 10 y/o Luke Emperor [AO3]

Eldritch Anakin: Anakin is only half-mortal

Stuff I’ve started writing

Propaganda AU: in which the Rebellion makes use of the fact that Vader is Luke’s father in the most genius way, currently an estimated chapter count of 23, though I won’t actually start posting until I’ve finished this story

Wings AU: In which being a Skywalker is a bit more literal

Another AU in which Luke is a slave and one where he is highly psychometric and touching his father’s lightsaber is a terrible idea

Soulmate AU in which Obianidala are soulmates with three very different cultural views on soulmates and accidentally save the Republic through cultural differences

No Sequels everything is Happy and Luke setting up the new Jedi Order is basically just straight up parenting a bunch of force sensitives kid for the first 10 years

Ideas I’ve entertained and might write in the future or toss into the abyss

Gods AU: in which our main casts are gods given human form

Vader inserting himself as tiny Leia’s teacher to spite Sidious while Bail is Stressed

Another non-Jedi AU which is honestly just an excuse to come up with my own Force-sensitive culture and put Anakin in fancy clothes and have him wear jewelry

One where Luke sneaks off to the academy and meets Han. The sole purpose of this is Han, a rebel, going “what do you mean the short blonde kid i was always saving is Vader’s #2″

Naboo resigning from the Republic, Anakin not being taken in by the JEdi Order and ten years later Padmé and he are separatists trying to get Jedi Master Obi-Wan and his Padawan Ahsoka to help them figure out what’s actually going on

Anakin and Shmi as accidental information brokers/heads of an outer rim criminal empire

Padmé as the Senate representative for the Jedi Order

Role Reversal OT trio with Leia Skywalker as Obi-Wan’s Padawan, Han as Rebel Prince Organa and Luke as a smuggler

Prequels trio role reversal with Senator Anakin, Padawan Obi-Wan and Jedi Master Padmé

The one where Anakin finds a dragon egg on tatooine and keeps it

Obi-Wan, on his way to bring Luke to his relatives, gets attacked by pirates who call Vader. Obi-Wan manages to take out the pirates but suffers a head injury and loses his memories causing Vader to go”could be my revenge,,, could be Obi-Wan joining my side”

One in which more Jedi survive and they all show up on Obi-Wan’s doorstep or on Alderaan and they kinda rebuilt the Order in secret and the twins grow up with a lot of aunts and uncles and cousins

That one where Sabé pretends to be Padmé and raises the twins

Happy ROTS ending where Anakin “Hero of the Republic” becomes a stay at home dad and shows up to the twins’ PTA meetings with space starbucks

One in which Luke is allegedly a clone Sidious created, just wants to be a person and Leia is a Jedi because gosh damn it just let her be a Jedi you cowards-

Too many Time Travel ideas I’m not listing them all just fix its. a lotta fix its.

Jedi Palptaine AU in which Luke accidentally time travels, kills Plagueis as he’s about to drag still innocent Palpatine off and Luke figures good parenting can fix the galaxy

One were the handmaidens stick around both twins and paint vividly different pictures of Padmé depending on whether they were more tasked with being political help or protection detail

A whole bunch of happy modern AUs that I’m not elaborating on bc this list is already too long

THAT’S IT DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO WRITE ALL OF THIS DOWN??? Ages. Ages. there are probs still some missing but idc anymore

If you have any questions, just sent me an ask and I’ll be happy to elaborate!

[blairthebeing]

I wanna start actually posting on here like I stated MONTHS ago but ya knowwww🤪🤪🤪🤪 life be sucking sometimes and mental illness. But I feel like I’m actually relatable in the smallest and possibly weirdest ways so welcome to my page🥸🥸

All I do anymore is listen to music and certain shows, I started euphoria last night and tbh I’m already kinda obsessed???? its good, kinda triggering but it’s good. But back to music, this shit is my entire life and soul LETS BE HONEST HERE, the way it just strums the strings of my heart and soul no matter the genre I am ALWAYS connecting and wanting more. Like imagine if we didn’t have music lol I’d suddenly drop dead in ALL seriousness. Ive been wanting to learn how to play guitar but I’m adhd as fuck and bpd and it’s rlly hard to do anything but I’m doing my best LOLL like this life shenanigans is hard and idc what ANYONE says. We’re all struggling in some way so don’t fuckin come for me SHARON, fix that fam and marriage of yours. But yeah I haven’t felt the best lately and I’m stressed abt it BC I GOTTA PAY BILLS HUT I ALSO DONT WANNA SPREAD ANYTHING SO IM FIGHTING MYSELF. Its like duel of the fates bc idk wtf I’m doing LOL. Like i actually QUITE literally need to make money or else ima snap. But like I’m not tryna go to work sick and infect the workplace like other mfs have. We should get pay while waiting for the tests bc this is bullshit. Need to get on my MLK and Malcom X shit with the gõvt bc this ain’t working.

That’s all for now though folks come on by to comment your struggles as well and we can talk about it or just vent that’s what I’m here for literally for ANYONE. Hope y’all have a safe day, take care eat ya food and drink ya water..shake some ass smoke a blunt enjoy the outside idk or not. Enjoy your bed like me!! Peace and love, shay the being.

[ihateeveryoneincludingmyself]

i don’t think anyone I know irl has my tumblr so I’m just gonna vent here.

so in May I met this girl on tinder, and we hit it off super fast and we talked nonstop it was honestly pretty overwhelming because I didn’t remember what it was like to have someone into me. she was trying to move very quickly and I’m very emotionally unavailable so I didn’t want to get into a relationship with her.

we remained friends. super good friends. she even considered me her best friend which I didn’t even know she felt that strongly until we started to fight. thought I was just some dude she talked to when she wasn’t hanging out with her irl friends.

our first fight happened when I realized how deeply she’s into the awful college student drinking partying culture. to be clear because this is something she doesn’t fucking understand, I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DRINKING! I DRINK, EVERYBODY I KNOW DRINKS!! but every week sometimes multiple times a week she would drunk text me random stupid shit like she couldn’t even spell properly and like she doesn’t remember shit in the morning you know like, actually fucking drunk. i can’t stand how people think that’s normal or okay. if you can’t control your drinking then don’t drink. if you can control, then have a couple drinks! enjoy yourself! BUT THERES A POINT WHERE YOU ARE DESTROYING YOURSELF. okay so here’s why I’m extra sensitive about this topic. my parents were alcoholics. also did heroin n shit but yeah I wasn’t allowed to live with them. and every time I see someone fucking wasted, it reminds me of them. i remember my grandpa taking me to restaurants to visit my parents and by the time we finished eating they were drunk. couldn’t even talk to them as a little kid. I lost my childhood due to alcoholism. i know this girl is just a college student partying blah blah blah but it can lead to worse and like.... seriously who the fuck wants to talk to someone who can’t even produce sentences? when you’re that intoxicated it’s simply not healthy even if I didn’t have trauma related to alcohol I would probably still be concerned. anyways, I progressively got more angry with her. i said a lot of things I shouldn’t have . i tore her apart in response to my anger. i hate myself for the way I treated her, but GUESS WHAT? she still doesn’t listen to me. still regularly getting wasted and it fucjing pisses me off because she goes around telling people that I don’t let her DRINK. LIKE SHES MISSING THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT!! IM GOING TO COPY AND PASTE EXACTLY WHAT I SAID BEFORE I GOT INTO DETAIL ABOUT THIS: I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DRINKING! I DRINK, EVERYBODY I KNOW DRINKS!! but every week sometimes multiple times a week she would drunk text me random stupid shit like she couldn’t even spell properly and like she doesn’t remember shit in the morning you know like, actually fucking drunk. i can’t stand how people think that’s normal or okay. if you can’t control your drinking then don’t drink. if you can control, then have a couple drinks! enjoy yourself! BUT THERES A POINT WHERE YOU ARE DESTROYING YOURSELF.

anyways, now as I said she still fucking gets wasted all the time,BUT SHE DOESNT TALK TO ME. but she posts about it on her Instagram story (which I’m blocked from seeing but.... I have my ways🤷🏻), she talks to other people JUST NOT ME. THAT WASNT MY FUCKING INTENTION WITH MY SERIES OF INTERVENTIONS. I WANTED HER TO BECOME MORE RESPONSIBLE WITH ALCOHOL? AND THEN SHE CAN ENJOY A DRINK AND STILL TALK LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING HUMAN BEING. GOD IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY TO KNOW THAT SHES STILL BEING WHAT I LIKE TO CALL A GLORIFIED ALCOHOLIC, BUT SHE JUST DOESNT DRUNK TEXT ME ANYMORE.

ooh then another fight.... I was venting to an NOW EX FRIEND FUCK THAT BITCH SHE BOILS MY BLOOD JUST THINKING ABOUT HER of mine ..... AND THIS MOTHERFUCKER GOD I FUCKING HATE HER FOR WHAT SHE DID.... DECIDED TO SNITCH ON ME AND MESSAGE THE GIRL AND TELL HER THAT I WAS VENTING. AND SHE MISINTERPRETED AS ME “TALKING SHIT” WHEN I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HER IN A NEGATIVE LIGHT. SOME PPL SAID “SHES TOXIC” I ALWAYS FUCKING DEFENDED HER BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH WE WERE FIGHTING I STILL ADORED HER. so yeah that put even more tension on our friendship. AND I DROPPED THE SNITCH GIRL RIGHT AWAY, I WILL NEVER FUCKING FORGIVE HER BECAUSE MY FRIENDSHIP WITH THE GIRL COULDVE BEEN SAVED IF IT WASNT FOR HER. FUCK HER. I FUCKING HATE HER SO MUCH AND NOW THEYRE FRIENDS AND COMMENT ON EACHOTHERS POSTS AND IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH.

anyways, like I mentioned I said a lot of terrible things to her. i was really fucking angry and I said some terrible things which I deeply regret and I tried apologizing and making it up but now already our friendship was messed up.

also, she eventually ended up getting a boyfriend and like, if I said I wasn’t a little jealous I’d be lying but I was the one who rejected her in the first place so 😳😳it’s whatever. but she told her boyfriend everything about me and this guy now hates my guts LOL . ever since she started dating the guy she talked to me less and less.

and during a short period of time when we weren’t fighting I introduced her to a friend of mine and now they talk a lot and she likes him more so YES IM FUCKING JEALOUS AND I FUCKING HATE MYSELF.

but this friend of mine she started talking to leads me to my breaking point. so you know she’s been distant because apparently every time we talk it’s a fight but I’m like BUT WHY?? and this next fight will show exactly how ITS NOT ALL MY FAULT, SHES TO FUCKING BLAME AS WELL!!

so she’s been ignoring me for a couple days after a PETTY FIGHT THAT I FELT WAS LITERALLY NOTHING JUST A SILLY LITTLE FIGHT THAT IDC ABOUT. basically she got mad because I was bullying that friend of mine about his league of legends stats 🤣 literally a fucking video game that she doesn’t like and she’s mad at me for TEASING MY FRIEND.

so I got kinda sad.... like why is she ignoring me??

she eventually responded after I sent her a looong paragraph with some identifying info so I’m not gonna show it. BUT HERES WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE ISNT GONNA TALK TO ME WHILE SHES GETTING DRUNK !!

okay the next screenshot has more identifying details so I’m not gonna share but basically she LIED TO ME SAYING SHE HAD NO SERVICE FOR 3 WHOLE DAYS BLAH BLAH BLAH WHILE I COULD GET PROOF THAT SHE WAS TEXTING MY FRIEND LIKE EVERY CHANCE SHE GOT . HE TOLD ME THEY STILL TALKED AND SHE WAS PURPOSELY IGNORING ME BC IM TOO STRESSFUL FOR WHATEVER. BUT SHE FUCKING LIED ABOUT IT

so basically, here’s how it’s not just my fault . yes, getting angry is my fault I could be a little less harsh. im working on it. BUT THIS GIRL HAS BEEN IGNORING ME FOR DAYS AND THEN LIES TO ME?? COME ON ISNT THAT A VALID REASON TO BE UPSET

anyways this is the last thing I sent her before deactivating my Instagram (I have her number too but we rarely talk on there). but the fact that she said we aren’t friends anymore.... broke my fucking heart. I broke down in tears. I had to stop myself from hurting myself or saying something dumb. so I ended it there.

i tried to hard to fix what we once had. yes, I’m at fault for being a dick and not being able to control my anger. but she’s at some fault for giving me valid reasons to be upset. i tried to hard to fix our friendship. but the more I try the more angry I get. she isn’t going to listen to me. she doesn’t even care about me anymore. it’s over.

ive been pretty suicidal lately. a few months ago I started cutting myself again after years and I hate myself for it. i pushed everybody away. she was the last person I regularly talked to. maybe now I can take a break from the fighting, try to get to a better place mentally, and try to get back in touch with some of my other friends, or make new friends.

idk I’m still very upset but this long ass vent that no one is gonna read helped a lot. this all happened over a few months and today was where I ended it. time to start a new chapter I guess

[dwrg]

okay i will write lawl let me preface by saying idc what you think of my opinion on this so for the love of god dont reblog this with a 200k essay on why you think im wrong i know yall love to do that. And ofc this is all regarding kayfabe so dont get on my ass about overanalyzing. anywaysss

so first of all obviously the context  for evil turning against lij has to do with his own insecurities and fears, its been very clear that he doesnt see himself as though he were on the same level as the others and has something of an inferiority complex- everytime he was made to fight another lij member whether it be g1, previous njcup, etc he goes all out because he’s scared that he won’t be “part of the group” anymore both literally and so to speak if he can’t even beat them. now we look at his 2020 njcup match against sanada and how uncomfortable the whole thing was. i hate to bring up w*e but i can make a correlation between when dean turned on seth in the shield after roman left due to his health- dean had attacked seth and continued to viciously do so, but everyone watching could literally SEE the way it hurt dean to do that, that it wasnt what he wanted, not exactly. dean/jon good himself said he wanted to be heel in w*e but he hated the angle he was forced into especially given the circumstances. i’m not equating roman’s now gone illness but it can be somewhat attributed to the current covid pandemic and how thats obviously causing new japan to make some weird decisions they wouldn’t otherwise make. during this match between evil and sanada you could see how uncomfortable evil was, whether it was the character EVIL or watanabe takaaki as a person or both. he was hesitant from the beginning while also using brutal tactics from the beginning, but when sanada spiked his head (which was his own misstep and not a botch on evil’s part) clean on the mat evil/watanabe was clearly concerned and you could spot them whispering to eachother very obviously several times during the match. a lot of wrestlers tend to talk to eachother the entire match to know eachother’s next moves and what they want to improvise on, but theirs was plainly open, most likely because evil/watanabe was legitimately worried for his partner and/or sanada was trying to gauge how bad the situation was and if he could continue. obviously they did continue the match afterwards, with more brutal tactics that just literally oozed with “uncomfortable” and “hesitant” on evil’s end if you know where/how to look. after beating sanada, evil stood over him and stared at him for a solid moment or two, and while lots of people will say it was just part of him turning, or being an asshole like “im better than you” it was clearly more like he was checking him out to make sure he was alright, but couldn’t do anything about it if he wasn’t. he widens his eyes when looking at him trying to make himself look more intimidating, as though he couldve been caught slipping or something of the sort. evil’s typically never spoken much in post-match comments but he’s particularly evasive and to the point from 2020 njcup-onward. while i admit i don’t remember much about the okada match because i was mostly already thinking something weird was gonna happen and trying to prepare myself for that, it did seem especially desperate in less of a “big fight” sense and more similar to how he feels regarding his position among the lij crew, like he felt he absolutely HAD to prove himself or he wouldn’t “be” anything. i pretty much knew there would be a bc angle the second gedo and yujiro showed up, even though i was in denial LOL, so when evil won and had that dead look in his eyes i knew it was solid. when naito came out i already knew he was fixing to get his ass beat by bc and for at least hiromu to come help him out. i dont wanna just repeat myself but again, hesitance, uncomfortable-ness on evil’s part, and he looked like he felt out of place when rolling w bc afterwards, but he’s good at pretending to be confident. when evil beat naito and hiromu came out to challenge him, which is usually the part in wrestling where its a Really Big Deal and needs a whole lot of attention, it just felt anticlimactic, with evil hanging on the ropes and the camera not even focused on his face, and then leaving rather abruptly. during the press conference recently, which spanned a total of maybe 7 minutes, evil wasn’t acting like himself, which again people could say is just his “turning” affecting his persona, but to me it felt like a forced sort of mask, he was smiling most of the time which he almost never does but it was so obviously fake it hurt to look at (coming from someone who thinks hes the most beautiful personin the world LOL) and the only thing he says regarding hiromu is asking if his neck would be able to hold up to his attacks, like he was purposefully thinking of the cruelest thing he could. none of this showed itself as genuine or like he actually believed it. he also says he has no interest in defending the 6never belts because “lij is rotten,” but he doesnt expand on that whatsoever. then comes The Big Part for me which was when he was asked how he felt winning the championships from naito, and he refuses to answer, and in fact straight up gets out of his seat and leaves. as someone who’s been watching wrestling sense literally as far back as i can remember this is obviously an important factor and it WILL play into something. whether he feels regret, guilt, anger, confusion, urgency, we don’t really know yet. but with BC being a gaijin-built, gaijin-run stable this “BC Japan” thing is not going to last, at least not the way it’s going- especially considering how the only reason it IS happening is because of the covid pandemic which disallows most of the BC members who live in america to fued or fight in new japan. a lot of people are claiming that jay and kenta not acknowledging evil’s win means they’re gonna fight for leadership / ending with evil losing and “crawling back” to lij, but to me it’s just added to the storyline aspect of evil not being 100% in his actions and words. thx for coming to the evil apologists meeting 2020 i love you and sorry mobile readers <3 

my only specialty is using logic to correctly dissect a situation but i only use it for wrestling <3 idk if i wanna type it all out but theres clearly already a storyline in place for evil regarding lij

[mirachrn]

Sky Full Of Stars, Head Full Of Scare

To be honest, for maybe 2mo ago I feel something but till now I can't explain it for sure, sebel>.< this is soooooo over my head omg. I tried to keep it on the Q T but it makes me more overthinking. So let me explain.. Idc if you think I'm full of drama or cengeng all the time. I'm doing it bcs I want to live happily!^^ Ukno I'm the most cuek person ever, but u must know too behind it I always overthinking everything if it goes wrong. So, if I overthinking this, its goes wrong. I don't require you to do something special bcs everything you do, I do feel it special even it just a text. Let me talk about text. I think some of my overthinking was from this very little thing. Idk it's just my feeling or it's true, but I think u r changing. Oh sorry, I'm not blaming you, I just want you to know my feel. Maybe u r too busy or I'm too free so we don't have small talk like we used to be. I just want to make some stupid convo with you like before. You know? Your 1minute for text me even just "I've been here" or "today I have so much task, I'll text u later" can change my mood for a day. Tbh, I miss our old time... I've try to understand, understand and understanding you but till now, I always failed. idk. sorry. but I try harder, believe me. till now, idk what in ur mind, what do u feel, or else. being with you, I feel like playing puzzle. everyday. if someday I feel tired to you, just make me sure again and again. idc if you cheating behind me, making some convo with other girl(s), or maybe flirting with other girl(s). irdc. It's your business not mine, but you must know that; I haven't and never do that shit, I respect you as mine, I try to being a nice person, and last for not least..I do love you. Someone told me that, Finding the best is easy Such as you always see it Such as you always set as your dream Such as you always think of as your goal But apreciate it, If there's someone beside you With kindness wants to be kind, for you.. I know ppl can change, I just need to adjust and face it. I'm not forcing you to stay in touch with me but it's all about priority. Maybe for now I'm your last priority. It's ok no prob. I have forgot when your last spam text just for finding me hehe. For now, if I'm not replying your text as fast as I can, it's not a problem, rite? Maybe you don't care anymore. I've forgot too, last time you always told me where you were going to, with whom, what you did, etc. But it still ok, my love :) idk, u r just bored or getting me used to. but if u r getting me used to, I used to it. if you keep the distance, I'll keep it too. But I just want you to know that I lost the old you, Honey :) it's not a prob if you don't talk to me like we used to be, I don't want to talk to people who don't want it. I (try to) enjoying it to the full! this is sooo over my head but I'll keep my chin up. at the end, you, us, and our small talk are always my cup of tea. Sorry for bothering your time with my panjangxlebarxtinggi oppinion. Sorry for my satire. Back to first, I just want to live happily and this is the way to it. Idc with your react after you read this. But you must know that, I'm not angry, I'm not upset, I'm not dissapoint or else. I still want you to be mine, I still love you whatever you are even u r change I still be me. The most important thing is, please think about what I've to say. It's not easy peasy lemon squeezy as you see. I have to think about it all day before I dare to posting this, Sayang :) Oh ya, finally after 1mo I dare to send this to you but I failed again so I just keep it on my notes and now after 2mo I dare to post in my tumblr. My friend told me that "everything will not ok if you don't want to talk about. Something still goes wrong if you let it goes wrong. You have to be brave and fix it with your own." I'm not to try to kick up a stink, I'm just tired to keep it on the Q T. sounds fine, rite?😊 Jangan cuma dibaca ya, Sayangku❤