#so it's pretty funny to see them shown on screen as like. glow in the dark pale.

[ardentperfidy]

it's kind of funny that they're whitewashing roman emperors

[immoralimmortals]

I Found a Human Head: or, a Severed Human Head is My New Best Friend

A flurry of Hidan x Reader ideas i need to get out of my system lest I forget:

Hidan finally gets out of that God damn hole, but not in the way he anticipated. He heard your footsteps and started shouting. When you dig him out, he finds that Jashin has cursed him for his incompetence: he's in a brand new world with neither his body nor Kakuzu in sight.

It takes a bit of convincing, but you don't meet a real life zombie every day, so eventually you carry him back home.

His neck is sore as FUCK. He bounces between being an absolute menace to you and sweet talking just enough to keep you hooked and helping. You are, whether he admits it or not, his life line. Doesn't stop him from threatening to chew you limb from limb, though.

Hidan enjoys it a bit too much when you carry him, either back of his scalp or side of his face in your chest. The feeling is mutual

He convices you to help him in several ways, one at a time: one in general, two getting nutrients, three getting a body.

Biggest pitfal: you are both stupid. He has no body to fight with. You're just...you, so you have no resources to give or power to offer. You're a bit of a shut in, don't have friends, maybe just moved to a new town and he IS your first friend. What you do have in your repertoire...is an obsession with horror and sci-fi media. He watches you the first night he spends in your small home, draped in the glow of a TV screen as you use it to escape, to attempt to lull yourself to sleep. It distracts him from feeling like a knickknack, sitting on top of your shelf.

You watch movies about severed heads together to come up with ideas. Firstly, you both decide after seeing a pattern that submerging the head in a mystery nutrient liquid is vital, so you put him in the finest bucket of light blue Gatorade, the best and most fortifying of them all. He almost drowns.

Media you'd "research": the brain that wouldn't die, sleepy hollow, futurama, young frankenstein, basically anything with a living severed head, brain implants, or headless characters. And of course...Reanimator.

It's a pretty awkward night when that one comes on. You apologize with a stutter, absolutely flushed red and refusing to meet his eyes. You forgot about that scene. For a loud mouth...he gets awfully quiet. He pockets the idea for later:

A man of self serving pleasure, giving it to someone else when he cannot have it...it changes him, a bit even if the context of the movie is very not romantic

To get to a movie in a theater, you duct tape him to the top of your head a la two kids in a trenchcoat. It's a disaster, but it works. Hidan has never seen anything like this in his life. The size of the screen, the color, the sound. He won't admit to it-- of course he won't, he's in no position to admit joy or awe, that is weakness-- but it makes him feel alive. The man is delirious from slowly dying; It kind of feels like he's being shown heaven. (If its a horror movie with lots of gore, all the more so for him).

Honestly though the best bet you have at keeping him alive is either killing for him Audrey II style and finding him a body you'll sew on yourself, or you break into a nuclear waste facility and dunk him in to see what happens.

I'd also think itd be very funny to see him manage to use his remaining neck to roll like a can of Campbell's soup all the way from wherever you abandoned him after a fight, going all the way down the road till he's at your doorstep to apologize.

[ekleipsi]

paled maw curves inwards. device idled with, within the clutch of petite hands. an approach is made, for she requires assistance on such matter. the right address seemingly, her steed's very partner. ( she dares not, to seek the stallion out for this once more. )

‘ pardon me for bothering you with something like this. ’ screen's unlocked, to present the issue to other femme, famine has long since grown so fond of. slim digits pointing, towards the presented glowing screen. nixie, the name harbinger is pointing at, to be shown. ‘ I wanted to add something to her name, but I cannot figure out how. uhm.. - ’ lips fleetingly twitch, almost shyly. pale brows furrow, the slightest.

‘ if I ask ciphor he'll simply do it for me and I will learn nothing from it. could you perhaps.. explain it to me instead? ’

/   ( kurai&citri ! )

--- Apartment is separate from the studio loft she had elsewhere. Settled above the tattoo shop she owned, it was rather easy enough to find and more open to public scrutiny- such was the beauty of as much. To that end, was the reason she had a loft to begin with; a place away from prying eyes where could more effectively work on art in peace and without disturbance. Seeing as only a handful knew about such a place, and all were kept silent enough by the tengu's request, it was no surprise to see the rider appear at the door to apartment.

--- Surprised expression dances across visage the moment door is swung open, before an affectionate smile pulls across her lips. She wasn't excessively close with Citri, but the petite rider is a companion all the same, with such bond to Ciphor as she possessed. To that end, she is welcomed eagerly and with open arms into the decorated place and shown to the couch. ' You don't gotta be sorry for anything, Citri. You want tea? ' a hum, having noted to carry specific drinks in her place after having made so many new friends.

--- As soon as the drinks are served, she settles beside the other upon couch and leans over to glance at the unlocking of screen to phone. Listening to third coming's plight, she offers an easy grin and a nod, rather quick to assist the moment lips are pursed in shyness. Nixie, rather a pretty name, she made mental note of before laughing quietly and grinning. ' Yeah, he's funny like that, huh. Willing to help but...not the best teacher. ' a roll of her eyes, amused and playful before scooting closer so that the pair were shoulder to shoulder.

--- Fingers are careful as they take Citri's own, cradling delicate palms with hers and guiding them across the touch screen. ' They're called emojis. You can find them either in this little tab right here. ' she pulled elder's thumb over the screen into the corner where a variety of symbols and smiley's were. ' Or, some of them you can simply type out with the symbols and they'll pop up automatically. ' she explained, showing Citri the standard < and 3 that made a heart as soon as the Space bar was pressed.

--- ' Let's go in and edit Nixie's profile? What...do you associate them with? ' she asked patiently, thoughtfully, not knowing just who Nixie was, nor who she was to Citri either. Despite as much, she waited for the answer before helping the rider to locate an appropriate smiley to add to the end of the youth's name. ' See? Cute, right? You just have to know what you want to show. ' another explanation, head tipped upon slender shoulder. ' Did that help? '

[honklore]

invisible string | dreamwastaken

(requested plot by red string of fate soulmate au, dream is still a streamer, reader has commitment issues, dream just wants someone to love, chat is the best wingman, sapnap and george try but they suck, reader is timid but dream makes them feel brave, taylor swift references, this is not very deep or poetic at all, i don’t like typing y/n so after this i’m going to move to ___)

listen to: invisible string by taylor swift

In kindergarten, red strings were simply a crafting tool, and teachers never mentioned how much pain they would eventually bring.

Because when they appear, from a child’s eighteenth birthday and beyond, they tighten like a godforsaken high school ring that came in one size too small. Like the universe is a child tugging their mother towards the ice cream truck, you’re pulled around central Florida, passes faces you can’t memorize and voices too garbled to hear.

The string knows where you need to go, and when.

And you’re at the park, feeding ducks and trying to ignore that incessant pull that tugs at your pinky, when you hear it.

It’s a voice you know only because it’s a voice that’s been in your house before. At least, through your brother’s tablet screen. Some gamer online — a streamer, with a distinct wheezing laugh that you’d recognize anywhere.

And you do. Behind you.

You risk a small peak, and your heart drops into your chest. He’s tall. Too tall to not intimidate you. And his sandy hair is wavy, curling at the collar of his sweatshirt, falling perfectly into place when he runs his hands through it. When he does, you see it, the red string.

Which means he could see it too. All he’d have to do is turn around.

But you’re not ready. You haven’t been, not since you watched your cousin get rejected on her eighteenth birthday. Since you watched a string of fate get clipped in front of you, like the three fates had finally had enough of your cousin’s happiness.

It was enough to make you curl into yourself, and reject the natural pull set before you. So you run, and you try not to think of what would’ve happened if he saw you before you saw him. You try not to feel the clippers, but the blade feels tangible against your skin.

You don’t stop running until you arrive home.

“Hey chat, just wanted to do a few practice runs and catch up with you guys,” Dream mumbles into the mic, already restarting his game after deciding he didn’t like his seed. The donos begin rolling in, even before Sapnap and George have unmuted, so Dream flits his eyes to the display screen, subconsciously reading along with the text-to-speech voice, “Dream, what if we shared a string of fate? Ahaha, just kidding... unless... love you bestie.”

Dream chuckles, “Actually chat, I felt a tug today! Isn’t that weird? I was actually reading up on what that could mean, and it seems like either my soulmate is in a lot of distress, or they were in my vicinity. I’m hoping, for their sake, it’s the second one. How would you even comfort a soulmate if all you can do is tug on a stupid string?”

“Simp!” George finally unmutes just to be annoying, and Dream knows soulmates are a touchy spot for him, considering he wasn’t given a string on his eighteenth. Which is strange, but not impossible. Of course, chat doesn’t know this, because it would give them more hope of becoming George’s metaphorical soulmate, but it certainly makes for awkward conversations once Dream and Sapnap get into their own soulmate bonds.

“I’m not simping, George!” Dream feels a bit defensive, because he’s genuinely just curious. He has no interest in meeting his soulmate right now. At least, that’s what he tells himself. He has his streams, and his friends, and chat. He’s fine.

[abbywastaken donated $10: dream why don’t you go back to where you felt the pull and see if you feel it again? that’s how i found my soulmate. okay luv u bye.]

“Thanks, Abby. Love you, too. Um, honestly I was in a pretty public place, so I don’t know if they would even come back anytime soon. Also, this is Orlando, right? Tourists are everywhere.”

Sapnap snorts, and Dream thinks it’s funny, since he’s in the other room. “Just say you’re a coward and go.”

“I’m not!” Dream says. “It was just a small pull, okay? It wasn’t even a big deal.”

He feels another lurch when he says that, but this one is in his chest. It taps against his heart, a quick reminder that it beats for someone else, and he needs to watch his words. “Okay, it was a big deal. Sort of. I’ll go tomorrow, okay chat?”

Chat is spamming all types of messages, from encouragement to jealousy. Dream manages to read off a few donos and create his first nether portal of the stream. He answers as they appear, eyes scanning for a fortress. “No, I didn’t see them… I’m not telling you guys where I was, that’s weird… I’m wearing a sweatshirt and jeans… Hi, Sarah and Patrick…”

He trails off as the donos do, and works at getting blaze rods. George is talking about a riddle he just learned, and he’s trying to trick Sapnap into saying something stupid.

Lost in his own thoughts, he finally closes the stream after a hasty goodbye. “What if I missed my chance?” He asks the two boys on the other line.

“It’s a string of fate, Dream,” George says. “You didn’t miss your chance.”

“Maybe they saw how ugly you are and ran away,” Sapnap says, completely joking, but the thought lingers in Dream’s head.

Did they feel the tug, and run away?

You pour cereal for yourself, and when your brother shuffles into the kitchen, you make him a bowl as well.

He’s eleven, and as little brothers go, he’s pretty chill. Aside from the inappropriate jokes and hogging the bathroom when you have to get ready for work, you like hanging around with him.

You pass him his bowl, and he grins. “I’m gonna watch Dream’s new video on the TV, since mom’s not home.”

You furrow your brows. Dream must be one of the dozens of streamers he likes. Maybe one of his friends will be in chat with him, and you will be able to connect a voice to a face. “Can I sit with you?”

He gives you an odd look, and it’s true, you don’t ask to watch videos with him often. “I guess.”

You eat a spoonful of cereal and settle into the couch while he gets everything ready. He clicks on a lime green icon of a little white blob man, and when the first video appears, you’re taken aback by the voice.

That’s the voice you heard. It’s this one, out of all the random men yelling about a block game. It’s Dream.

“Why doesn’t he show his face?” You manage, wanting information about the person that shares your string.

“What?”

“Like, he’s handsome, right? Why doesn’t he have a facecam?”

Your brother snorts. “Handsome? He’s never shown his face, Y/n. Don’t you know who Dream is? He’s like, super famous.”

“Oh.” You think of his golden hair, as sunny and soft as the glow around his entire being. His voice right now, joyous as he gets chased by his friends. “I mean, I don’t keep up with streamers.”

He begins to explain Dream and his friends, along with lore in their role play server, and it’s all interesting enough that you sit and listen, holding on to the little bits of information you can collect about your soulmate.

You file these facts in a secluded corner of your brain and try to make a whole person, along with the hair and the laugh and the intense music he plays as he gets hunted by his friends.

By nightfall, you’re following all of his socials and binge-watching his old streams, holding on to the way he speaks to his friends, and the fond way he replies to donos.

[dreamwastaken is live!]

You click on it, bundled underneath your covers as if someone might see you and find out your secret.

“Hi, chat! I know I was just live yesterday, but I cut it too short and wanted to come talk to you guys.”

He uses his avatar to wave at the screen, and it’s kind of an adorable sight.

[gogysimp donated $25: did you go see your soulmate?]

Your heart stops. Does he know? Did he see you? Or even worse, has he already found someone else, and he just hasn’t severed the tie?

“No!” Dream’s laugh pulls you out of your worries. “I was busy with meetings today, actually. And I was too nervous. Sapnap also refused to come with me, so I’m just going to go another day.”

So he didn’t see you. He just knows you were there.

You click the donate tab before you can stop yourself.

[y/n donated $1: would you reject your soulmate if you didn’t like them?]

Dream mumbles the question, and you try to ignore the way your heart deflates when he skips saying your name. “I don’t think so,” he states plainly. “I mean, logically, a soulmate would be your other half, so I wouldn’t not like them. But I know some people just don’t click, or there are other issues. So, I don’t know. I guess the only thing I can say is that I don’t want to reject them. And I hope they don’t reject me. I mean, imagine finding out your soulmate is a Minecraft Youtuber. That would be pretty weird…”

You giggle to yourself as he trails off and answers another donation. So he’s against rejection. Okay. Maybe you have a chance.

[kyra donated $60: i’m your soulmate.]

“Meet me where you felt the tug, then,” Dream says sassily. “Chat, don’t be weird, okay? I can’t control who my soulmate is, and I don’t want you guys to exclude them if they become a pat of my life.”

Oh, you think. So his chat is vocal about their opinions, and apparently they mean a lot to him. You shiver despite your warm position and imagine how annoying you might seem to his loyal viewers: someone who only knew about him because of their brother.

Insecurity pushes against your chest, so you close the stream and push your phone away, hoping to forget this ever happened, that maybe you won’t have to deal with the inevitable if you don’t think about it.

Yogurt Barn isn’t the first place on your list of dream jobs, but it has decent pay and helps you pay off student loans, so you appreciate it nonetheless. The teal sweatshirt they gave you as a uniform keeps you warm as you scoop the frozen treats.

Your coworker, a girl named Madison, is busy manning the counter, so you check each flavor and refill the ones running empty.

“Can I ask you a question?” Madison met her soulmate, Anna, only days after she got her string. It was a textbook romance, two people meant for each other, no doubt in anyone’s mind. She might be able to help you now. That is, if you can even admit to who your soulmate is.

“What’s up?”

“I felt the tug,” you say, avoiding her eyes in favor of restacking the medium cups.

“No way!” Madison is perky in a way that makes you want to be included. You like this about her. “Did you see them? Did you talk to them?”

“He—” You want to say that the part of him you saw was perfect, enough to keep you up when you should be dreaming. But reality is nothing if not disappointing. “I ran.”

“Y/n…” Madison gives you a stern look — like a mother finding out their child didn’t defrost the chicken in time. “Why would you run?”

“I don’t want to be rejected.” The magenta swirls painted onto the walls are a stark change to the clay sidewalks of the strip mall. “And before you say he wouldn’t… It’s happened to my cousin. It’s possible.”

Madison frowns. “But that can’t be the only reason, right? I mean, we all know someone who has been rejected. It’s usually not the end of the world for them.”

“He’s a famous streamer,” you blurt, and you’re thankful the shop is as empty as it is. Just the words themselves sound fake.

Madison snorts. “Like, gaming? That’s what’s holding you back? He’s a gamer?”

“I don’t care that he’s a gamer!” You hiss. “I care that he has a loyal fanbase who more than likely all want to be his soulmate!”

“You can’t say that for certain,” Madison says. “I mean, everyone knows about the soulmate system. If you watch someone and don’t feel the pull, you know they aren’t your soulmate, right? So why wouldn’t they accept you?”

“I don’t know,” you say. “I’m just scared. I mean, he’s got this huge following and everything and I’m just me. I work in a yogurt shop for goodness’ sake.”

You head into the back to grab more cups, and the bell rings, signaling a new customer.

“Welcome to Yogurt Barn, what can I get for you?” Madison’s customer service voice pricks your ears.

You sift through the boxes to find the smaller cups and listen to the customer’s order. “Can I have a strawberry cone?”

Your string pulls, that same familiar voice filling your head, not on the screen but once again just a few feet away. He’s infiltrating your life, so close you could reach out and touch him, but it’s such a terrifying thought that you set down the cups.

You tear off your apron, and run into the break room to grab a water and calm yourself down.

It’s ten minutes before Madison comes back to find you. “Hey, are you okay? You disappeared.”

You take a deep breath and stare at the poster on the wall. It’s brightly colored, with a walking yogurt cup waving and reminding employees to wash their hands before scooping. “That was him. The guy— the pull— Dream— I can’t— Does he know? Is he following me?”

“It’s okay,” Madison runs her hand down your back. “It’s okay. He isn’t following you. When the pull starts it tends to draw the couple together until they meet. He probably doesn’t know it’s you.”

You nod and take your breaths in gulps. “Okay. Yeah, you’re right. You’re right.”

“Why don’t you go home early, okay?”

Dream is live again.

Fresh out of the shower, you pull a t-shirt over your body and burrow into your blankets. Earbuds in, you try to focus on the sound of his voice, ignoring every ounce of anxiety that’s been riddling your mind.

“Hi, chat. I’m gonna practice speed runs again. I think George is joining soon.”

You open the chat and scroll through the emotes, clicking the ones you like and sending them, just to calm yourself down.

[kylo donated $5: did you find your soulmate?]

Dream laughs. The sound makes your chest tighten with longing. Your fingers ache. “Actually, I went to the place I felt the pull again. I dunno what I was expecting, but they didn’t show up. But after that, I was running some errands and I felt it, chat! I felt the pull again.”

He trails off while his character starts to look for a lava pool. “I feel discouraged but I don’t want to like, chase them, you know? I don’t want to scare them off.”

You click the donation tab again.

[y/n donated $1: maybe your soulmate heard your voice and got scared of you because they watch your videos.]

It’s not the total truth, but it might help him sleep better. You don’t want him to feel discouraged, but you can’t bring yourself to follow the pull.

“That could be a possibility…” Dream crafts a portal and sends his character through. “But I wish I could talk to them. I wish I could tell them that it’s okay. Like, we don’t have to rush into anything.”

[y/n donated $1: They probably wish they could talk to you too]

“Thanks, Y/n.” He sucks in a breath as soon as he says your name. The Minecraft pause screen appears and the sound of a discord call can be heard.

Your heart pounds in your chest. Something about him saying your name just solidified everything. Your arms feel hot and cold all at once, like you’ve just been thrown in a frozen lake. He has to be feeling it too.

“Chat, I gotta go, okay? I’ll try to stream again soon.”

“Hello?” A sleepy voice comes in through Dream’s earbuds.

“George! Their name is Y/n!” Dream is so excited, his voice raising a few octaves as he talks. “Someone donated with that name and I felt like, super weird. I didn’t feel it until I said the name out loud.”

“That’s crazy,” George says, monotone but supportive. “Do you think the dono is actually them?”

“I don’t know,” Dream scrolls through their past donos and quickly screenshots each one. “I mean, they definitely could be.”

He shares the pictures in their group chat.

George hums. “It sounds like they’re trying to tell you how they feel without admitting that it’s them. Where did you say you felt a pull?”

“At the park, and at the yogurt shop down the road.”

“So go there again. Maybe all they need is a little courage. If you feel the pull this time, you should follow it.”

Dream thinks about it for a moment before finally agreeing. He changes the subject to their next jackbox stream, and George is now happily talking about how they’re going to team up against Sapnap.

He goes into Sapnap’s room that night. He sits on his desk chair while Sapnap sits cross legged on his bed, scrolling through his phone. “Do you wanna get frozen yogurt tomorrow? My treat.”

“Hell yeah!”

The new strawberry-lemonade custard is a hit. Not only are the colors aesthetically pleasing for the teenagers who want a nice snapchat story, but there was a promotional coupon in the mail that has people lining up to the door.

“It’s not even that good,” you tell Madison while the two of you are on break. You’re both using a sample spoon to try out the new summer flavors, and in your opinion, strawberry-lemonade isn’t even the best one. “Blood orange is better.”

Madison wrinkles her nose. “No, blue raspberry is best.”

“It’s sour, though,” you say.

“Guys! Break’s over and you’ve got a line!” Your manager stares disapprovingly at the cups of custard the both of you are indulging in.

“We’re coming.” You toss the cup into the trash and walk out, scratching at the sudden itch on your pinky finger.

Pulling on your gloves, you grab a scoop and address the first customer, “Welcome to Yogurt Barn.”

“Hi!”

You still like you’ve been caught stealing on camera. You look up, hand clutching the scoop so tightly you can feel the cold steel through your gloves.

It’s Dream.

It’s him. He’s tall, and his hair is a sunshine blond, dark at the roots and curling beneath his ears. And his freckles… little spots all across his cheeks so endearing that you get a little distracted staring at them.

Then he’s talking, and you have to focus on his jade-green eyes, not his lips, which are a warm pink. “It’s you.”

You blink. Fear strikes your spine and you drop the scoop. “I gotta go.”

“Wait!” Dream calls, just as Madison shouts your name.

You exit out the back door again. Your heart is pounding against your chest, ribs expanding, and all you can hear is the sound of your name coming out of his lips, just last night through a screen.

“Y/n?” Only it’s in front of you, a few feet away, and he’s searching your eyes for any reassurance that you won’t run away again. That you won’t reject him. “That’s your name right?” He keeps talking, a nervous smile flitting across his face. “The donos? That was you?”

You can see the string now, red and blaring, tightening with each step Dream takes. It’s signing off your fate, for better or for worse, and you can’t fathom why he’s trying so hard, why he cares so much.

It’s hot in Florida but you feel cold, chilled to the bone. You straighten up. You figure you owe it to him to look up in the eye.

He leaves you breathless, eyes shining in the sun. “It was me,” you say. “You’re Dream.”

“Clay, actually,” he says. His smile widens, and it’s magnificently bold. He’s triumphant, just from your reply, and that alone gives you the slightest bit of hope.

“Clay,” you say. “I’m— I’m not— I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“You don’t have to be.” Clay is quick to reply, hands open and palms up. It’s a complete surrender — putting it all in your hands. “We don’t have to announce it. We don’t have to be anything at all, if you need time. But I would like to be your friend. If— If that’s okay.”

But you want to be close to him. The draw of your strings pulling each other closer and closer makes you want to wrap your arms around him. If he hasn’t rejected you, maybe you can do this. “I– I want to be more than friends, but I’m terrified of you rejecting me. I’m afraid of the string getting cut.”

Clay set his brows, “I won’t let that happen. We’re connected. Fate, ya know?”

“Yeah,” you breathe, and it’s a sigh of relief. “Okay. Maybe I’ll give you my number?”

“I’ll give you mine!” Clay is animated, holding out his hand for your phone. “That way you can text me when you’re ready.”

The red string shines like gold in the Florida sun, and when your fingertips brush, it burns with a satisfying warmth.

[celestialmarks]

“I’m not the bad one here”: Muu Analysis and Interpretation

here is my personal muu analysis and interpretation. i'm really wondering: does muu really believe herself to be justified? is this a front she's presenting because her apologies remained unheard to the bitter end? is she really vindictive and somewhat indifferent deep down, or is she really pretending to protect herself? somewhat a bit of both? this is what i'll be trying to answer. i'm going to be using : - her official character intro in the character intros MV - her intro voice lines (from the official website) - her interview questions - her drama CD content basically every piece of muu extra content we've got, aside from minimal interactions from the app. AS WELL AS - her MV, After Pain, which i'm going to be deciphering based on the color coding! i don't think anyone has done this in full yet (if anyone did, i apologize)

(general TW for discussions & depiction of severe bullying)

as a general disclaimer,

i'm not going to reiterate points that have already been made. if you've looked at youtube comments of previously made analysis, it should be enough to determine what's going on. i'm interested in exploring why muu may feel justified in her actions and what the "darker" side of her is, is all.

there have been no hints as to the fact that she was a bully in the past or something. it could still come out that she was, or that her behavior was awful in whatever way (which i really wouldn't like bcse it reinforces the notion that bullied people "have to had deserved it" which is gross) and it still WOULD NOT change my opinion of her bcse she's still been through all that and pushed to the limit. at the end of the day, there's no way she lied about or downplayed this. she WAS horribly bullied and she almost died from it.

muu has her flaws, clearly. i'm just pointing out what they are here, her mentality and how it might allude to her being shown in a less sympathetic light next round, but that's it.

first, where does the "muu feeling justified" even come from?

to begin with, it's been stated in her intro "she can have a attitude at some times." it's also confirmed by the insults on the blackboard, transcribed in eng and edited onto the MV's visuals here (TW suicide baiting, self-harm baiting).

"So arrogant" as well as "are you looking down on us?" are written on the first blackboard, "eww poor people" on the second.

in her drama CD, muu also appears to be :

overly blunt at times 

spoiled. used to being treated well, since she's rich

quite manipulative, even if she's straightforward about it

i suggest u read the whole thing to get a sense of what she's like, if you haven't yet!

once again and at the risk of repeating myself... she still doesn't deserve any of what happened even if she was condescending or flaunted her wealth. which i don't even think might be the case (it's not like the bullies are objective, they're just using it as a way to justify their treatment of her. and in the MV she says herself "There's no special meaning / I just got the short end of the stick"). she's kind of naive about her wealth (see the crepe incident dfdghjd) she doesn't appear to do it to annoy others or look down on them. she's just used to a life of comfort.

moreover, it's been implied she may have been taken advantage of initially because of her wealth (see the chat on her phone and the picture of her with the three other girls, which i'll call Girl A, Girl B and Girl C for convenience's sake and also bcse the ref to dr is funny). probably her bluntness and occasional attitude caused her more problems, but i'll come back to what triggered the bullying later.

regarding her manipulative behavior, it's because she's used to getting her way (crepe incident, her telling Es she'll just make him like her : "All I have to do is gain your favour, right?"). "my sorry spells must be wearing off" in After Pain alludes to this. since she was previously quite privileged, she had never been treated like this before. even when she made mistakes she was forgiven, so she may have been a bit of an entitled brat, once again. when she starts being bullied, her world REALLY turns upside down. she's so used to getting her way that she even THREATENS Es at the end of the drama CD. we're past manipulative here. no way to know if she has done this in the past though. this might just be due to her desperation, really, but the fact that she does it right after another attempt at sweet talk does make me raise a brow

also the way she turns the tables on Es. "i won't forgive you" when she's supposed to be the one who's forgiven or not? she's rejecting the fault onto Es, just like, ALL the way through her drama CD, she's been saying she wasn't in the wrong. that's her way of justifying herself when/if she causes harm. literally she will not stop saying it : 

"I’m not the bad one here!" "I did kill them. But, they’re to blame! They made it to the point where I had to kill them… I… I had such a tough time." "Sure, I might’ve killed them, but… If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to escape. The cruel things they did to me were far worse!" "If you’re gonna say that I shouldn’t have killed them, then… Are you saying that I should’ve continued suffering forever?" "Even though I’m not the one in the wrong, they want to sentence me to penal servitude… That’s so messed-up." "It wasn’t a bad thing to do, right?" "What should I do then? What should I do in order for you to forgive me, prison guard? I’ll do anything! Um… Anything painful or embarrassing is out of the question though… And, I don’t wanna do anything scary either…"

muu is DESPERATE to be proven innocent. she'll do almost anything, though she's reluctant to put herself in any situation that might be triggering for her (understandable after what she's been through so i wouldn't say she's whining here.) in one of her intro voice lines on the website she says pretty much the same thing:

That’s right. I killed someone. But I couldn’t help it! If I didn’t, there’d be no way to escape. I’m… not the bad one.

in addition, here is what we get from her intro in the character intros MV:

"Fufu... it's your fault for doing horrible things to me." → Lack of remorse ?

from her interview questions:

"The person who did something wrong should apologize first." → Waiting for others to acknowledge their faults first, bcse she doesn't want her apologies to be ignored again... and to just be mistreated again, as a result?

maybe she wants to be declared innocent so that she can finally feel like she's heard, acknowledged. so that she can feel that her pain has reached people, and she might start apologizing outwardly then too, bcse part of her's sorry. but a part of her genuinely believes she had no other choice and as such should be treated as innocent. it's kind of a complex mentality.

what i'm focusing on is that she has this belief she is justified still.

something caught my eyes in relation to that : the "thinks she's the hero" on the second blackboard. muu has a self-righteous side like futa, even if it were (partially?) a front.

also, the quote behind every inmate : "every saint has a past and every sinner has a future." muu "saved" herself by killing someone else and now has a future, so she's her own hero? perhaps. perhaps that's what is helping her cope with the crushing guilt, and that's why she's outwardly so insistent on it.

but then again, something doesn't click: why would muu be saved from killing someone? the bullying has just gotten worse. why does she seem so relieved in that situation? is it because people at least don't touch her now, because they're scared of her? she is literally getting suicide baited though... well, i have an idea. but first let's decode After Pain properly.

more substance to her feeling justified: the color coding and hidden messages in After Pain

so, here goes. on the official site, people who got the innocent verdict are shown to have green eyes, while people who got the guilty verdict have red eyes. so from this, we can deduce that innocent = green and guilty = red.

well... muu's MV is coded like that all the way through. we have a theme of greens (cold colors) VS oranges (warm colors). to represent her thoughts in relation to her actions, and others'. they’re complementary colors, so it’s rather clear cut (black and white?) the color that's inbetween is the yellow from the screen with the handwriting writing that keeps coming back as well as... yup... the yellow from the box cutter she used to kill Girl A, her crush (presumably). and the yellow that is muu's character color! so very significant. i'll analyse After Pain sequence by sequence so u can see what i mean in detail. beginning of the MV : she's sitting in the classroom alone. the first thing we see is the green hourglass = i'm innocent! and we see the orange glow of the sunset. the light isn't hitting her directly, as u can see: she's left in the shadows = blameless, the victim here. it's hitting the blackboard with all the insults, however.

together with the lyrics this scene is basically everything about muu screaming "SEE? IT'S THEIR FAULT, LOOK WHAT THEY DID. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING." and then of course we have the first instance of the screen with writing in yellow! this one says "ねえなんで" ("say, why?") nothing surprising there so far.

then BOOM the hourglass. very very clearly depicting her pain, her suffocating and being cut from the world. and thus proving her "innocence" bcse she's trapped, in danger of choking, and helpless.

it of course covers her (more of her basically telling you she's innocent). and then it cuts to a pinker, more orange-y scene with the bullies (they're guilty!)

and WAIT A MINUTE? WHAT IS THAT? yep... the box cutter. and what color is it in this scene? orange. it was orange here.

clearly she's saying that the others are much more at fault here. when she wields it, the box cutter is of a lighter color--still a warm color, since it's yellow. but a yellow that's very close to the lime green of her hourglass, isn't it? for now let's say it represents something in between, ambivalent feelings. the writing in yellow comes back and so does the chorus (look at how much i tried to apologize and make them stop). it feels to me like that's muu taking back the mic like HEY, listen up, you saw this right. in conclusion. here it is again: look at how innocent i am! look at how much i've suffered! and thus naturally it cuts to a hourglass scene immediately after.

nonetheless, the writing in yellow says... "でもたぶん" ("but maybe...") which is intriguing.

haven't mentioned this before but obviously muu herself is a mix of warm and cold colors, aka pink (her uniforms highlights, the sleeves and tie + her hair) and green (her eyes, with a highlight of lime/yellow...) then we're back in the classroom and once again the orange light = guilt isn't hitting her directly.

and the colors picked in the LINE chat with the others areee.... naturally, green for her, pink for the others... yellow for the whole background, just as yellow encompasses the entire MV as her true feelings on the matter.

title screen in yellow then flashes yet again, followed AGAIN by the hourglass scene (muu repeating, just like in her drama CD: "yeah, here's my whole story, and i'm innocent!")

the writing in yellow says "ねえもしも" ("hey, tell me...")

the writing in yellow flashes for the FOURTH TIME and this is the most interesting instance: "それなのに" ("even so...")

this shot is doused in orange/warmer yellow on the bullies' side and in the background too. super self-explanatory really

the orange light of guilty is still not hitting muu. meanwhile on her lap...

on the left, the bullies' stockings are blue, but they have a orange hue to them. the rest of the objects here in cold tones are all related to muu or touching her. the picture on her phone is split between yellow and blue. like the blame and innocence was, back then, even/balanced in the sense of peace and quiet, or perhaps just hidden in the background before it jumped out?

she's hit by the orange light here and please look at how the bucket is not blue at all and the floor below her is more yellow. Girl A is the one to open the door, so i think this might show Girl A's POV in relation to muu. not perceiving her innocence.

Girl A's eyes here are green and yellow, so to some extent innocent but guilty in a way that is justified in muu's mind? which is why muu reaches out to her. thus here's my theory on what happened with her : muu confessed, yes. however, the girl didn't out her. especially bcse the blackboard doesn't have any mention of muu liking girls (going by the TL previously shared at least). she just started avoiding muu. given the lyrics here: Girl A used muu's attitude concerning other matters as justification for avoiding her, which kickstarted the bullying. hence "the stabbing of the little devil's voice" which references something Girl A said about her attitude, prompting the rest of their friend group to see muu in a negative light so as to side with her. (since muu's planned counterattack to what Girl A said is a suicide note, it can only be Girl A that's the "devil". the cause.)

also please note how the light is only HALF hitting the background. she's to blame, but not entirely. not yet. besides her eyes are a different shade of green than muu's: darker, far from lime. clearly just green + yellow highlight, without the blatant "innocent" of the lighter lime. entirely ambivalent!

in this shot, the light is deserting muu's eyes. no lime green or yellow here. she just has dead eyes, resembling Girl A's eyes at the end of the video. this is muu telling us that this was her last chance not to become a corpse.

then muu reaches out to the one person she could ask for help. the one person who could have cleared any misunderstanding and possibly stopped this. she's running and everything is soooo yellow and orange. EXCEPT for the bushes which are green, a firm line (literal lines!) that allude to the possibility that Girl A might change her behavior. "perhaps she'll realized she crossed the line/know where the line is and walk off this path."

however, muu steps into the light here. she's been hit by the window's light even if we can't see it, as seen by her shadow. hence, she's already guilty, it's just out of frame (she doesn't realize/know it yet.) still, note that the light hitting her is not orange but ONLY YELLOW. less guilty than the others! but the school? orange. guilty place. guilty people

Girl A is still framed by green stuff. she has a possibility of being innocent, of being forgiven by muu, but the path she's walking is orange, clearly.

we see a tiny hourglass fall off, a timid reminder from muu "i know what you're about to see, just remember i'm not to blame." and then muu reaches Girl A and the background is just SO yellow and orange for the both of them. but notice something? on muu's side the background is more yellow. on Girl A's side it gets darker, more orange.

Girl A doesn't respond for a moment and her eyes are still green and yellow! muu has hope that she might still change for the better and forgive her! see that muu's innocent!

but nope! she rejects muu! and we get this deep orange!!! NOTHING like the yellow in the background earlier! this is the last straw for muu!

contrasting with the green of muu's hourglass breaking as she hits her limit:

yellow, vengeful fire burning next to muu. it's practically shimmering as she stabs Girl A. it's so light it's almost white.

Girl A's eyes have turned orange bcse in that moment in muu's mind SHE is the guilty one. she deserves this.

while in contrast, even if the background behind muu's very orange... her eyes are glowing lime/yellow.

i hit picture limit so this is part 1! (reblogging this to add more. here is the full post with part 2 as well)

[shakuyaku-sama]

Creepypasta Scenarios: How You Meet

Jeff the Killer:

It was another pitch black night, which was not uncommon for where you lived. You lived alone in a tiny cabin in the middle of the woods so things like the dark didn't phase you in the slightest.

A lone owl hooted in the trees as you began to drift off in your bed, your eyes shutting slowly before you heard the floorboards creaking beneath someone or something's weight. Your eyes shot open as you quickly reached for your pistol before realizing that it was missing from its usual place on your nightstand. The moonlight shown through the curtains, highlighted a silhouette standing in the door frame of your bedroom.

"Go to sleep....", the person's raspy voice spoke as you began to snap out of your daze, ripping the covers off of your legs and grabbing at your knife that you kept under your pillow.

Rushing towards the intruder, you sliced the blade towards them before they swiftly dodged the attack. In the dim light of the moonlight, you could see what appeared to be a male in his late twenties with white skin and sunken eyes that seemed to never close. But the most shocking thing about his appearance were the gaping cuts in his skin on both sides of his cheeks, formed into a macabre smile.

He grabbed a hold of your arm and flung you to the ground with inhuman strength as he leaped into a window, the glass shattering in the process. You stood to your feet with a confused look on your face as you shook your head. 'I'll fix that window in the morning.', you thought as you headed back to bed, those words echoing in your head before closing your eyes.

Slenderman:

Pain really never bothered you as you had a pretty high pain tolerance but today, your brain was absolutely pounding against your skull. You walked into the classroom and slumped down into your seat by the window as you looked out into the wooded area that surrounded the school. This morning, you added a pain killer to your medicine to ease up your headache, which didn't seem to be going anywhere at the moment.

Your teacher began to give their lecture as you found yourself peering out into the woods once again, in search of something that was not there. Time moved along in an instant as your last class of the day was over and you could go home. Walking outside of the building, you thought you heard a sound of static emitting from the direction of the trees as you began involuntarily moving your feet towards the woods. The sound seemed to be growing louder as you got closer before you saw a figure in the distance.

As the distance between you and the figure began to close, you could see that it was an extremely tall being with a blank, white face and a unusually dapper suit and tie. That was the last thing you saw before your vision began to fade away, feeling yourself go limp and fall at the feet of this creature.

BEN DROWNED:

Gaming had always been a passion of yours as you found love in video games and the whole gaming community. Your most prized possession was your PC that cost well over two thousand dollars but you spent about two years building.

You rarely touched handheld systems because in your eyes, you didn't have as much freedom on those as you did on computers but this time, you'd found something that you had been wanting to play for the longest time. A preowned copy of Majora's Mask. Sure, it looked sketchy and possibly was a bootleg, but there was always a first time for everything!

You pushed the cartridge into the slot as the screen began to load for the game. The opening screen appeared to be washed out but you continued anyways. Not the best decision as the game was very laggy and glitchy and after about thirty minutes of playing, you decided to quit out of frustration and log onto your computer for a while.

You opened your default messaging app, scrolling through the many messages from friends and family, until you spotted a weird message from an unknown account with a message that read "remember me, love?". You try to block the account but for some reason, it wasn't letting you. Before you could even restart your computer, a picture of a weird looking Link with blood dripping from the eyes flashed on your screen.

Jumping in shock, you hesitate for a moment before bursting into laughter. "What's so funny?", a voice asked from behind you before you turned your chair to face the same Link person who was in your room for some reason.

You howled with laughter at the short, blonde male with pitch black eyes as he crossed his arms with a glare. Before you could utter a single word, he faded out in a flurry of pixels as you stared at the now empty space with a look of confusion. With a final chuckle, you turn your PC off for the rest of the day and opted for a walk around the city.

Laughing Jack:

"You know I hate surprises, Mark!", you yelled at your roommate as he came out from his hiding place in your living room with a look of shame visible on his face. Without even stepping into your home and already, you're terrified. "You could have killed me!". You never liked being surprised when you were younger so that grew on you as you moved into adulthood.

In your eyes, people who pranked and scared others had a special spot in Hell and also obviously wanted to get punched in the face. You couldn't believe how rude people were nowadays. "But you didn't die.", his expression changed to a smug one as you rolled your eyes. You walked up to him and snatched the clown mask from his grip as he walked out of your apartment, snickering as he left.

Sighing and flopping on the couch, you grab the remote and turn on the TV. Before you knew it, it was dark outside and the city's lights glowed for miles outside of the window. You began to doze off but before you could close your eyes, you felt a hand on your shoulder and before you could react, a cloth was placed over your nose. Instantly, you were out like a light.

[alpaca-writes]

Mystics, Chapter 14

When Arch becomes hired on at Mystics by the strange shopkeeper Lyrem Nomadus, everything seems to be going well- in fact, their life nearly becomes perfection. Soon enough, however, Arch realizes that perhaps not everything is as perfect as it seems….

Read Chapters 1-13 and more HERE

Taglist: @myst-in-the-mirror, @livingforthewhump

CW: swearing, drinking, drug use, smoking, noncon touching (nonsexual)

-------

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE

        The “In Memoriam” portion of the ceremony was a bit much. Not that Arch could say anything about why they thought that way without being called callous. They heard some sniffling from the upper balconies; Parents of three students who had gone missing or were found with parts of their bodies severed and strewn across the side of the highway. Two, so far, had been gruesomely identified without their heads, and neither of them had their hearts either.

        Marcus was still missing.

        But no one would find him until he too, had his heart and head removed. Arch would likely be recruited to help with that one as well. When they asked Lyrem what to do with him, he simply smiled and told them to be patient.

        They were already quite upset with Lyrem for not allowing them the opportunity to take Kyle’s life. They had tortured and flayed the young man for weeks, sure, but Arch was under the impression that his life was reserved for them. Lyrem had shown up at the house afterwards with a raspberry scone and a fresh coffee in his hand after the deed had been done. He blamed Arch for it too.

        “If you hadn’t forced my hand after disposing of the shape-shifter,” he said- not angrily, just in his usually condescending tone. “Then I wouldn’t have had to use my remaining strength to keep you in line.”

        By in line, Lyrem meant the sudden and unexpected visit he had paid to Charlotte, Arch’s mother. But Arch couldn’t remember her now. Her face, her voice, anything she had ever said or done or created… well, all Arch sensed in their memory now was a deep and everlasting shadow where their mother should have been.

        As far as Arch could recall, they had been living with Lyrem since the beginning of time- even though, logically, they knew it couldn’t be true. There were no photos of them together- and for the first few days that Lyrem had taken over that little house, he had thrown out bags of clothing that didn’t belong to him. He burned anything that left the mere scent of Charlotte behind. And he scoured the place to be certain that she hadn’t left as much as a footprint in her wake.

        Arch’s bedroom was moved upstairs, into the light. That was where it once was. Why they had moved to the basement where the wolf spiders snuck between the old shag carpeting and the cat made regular use of one of the corners as a bathroom, they couldn’t recall. They had felt safe there, though.

        But, Lyrem was right. They deserved to live above ground, they deserved a window and they deserved protection from annoying spider bites.

        The walk across the stage commenced, and Arch was thankful for the use of their real name. It was nice that people finally respected them. They shook the hand, posed for a photographer and exited on the staircase, wondering how much longer before it was finally over.

        Lyrem had mentioned he wanted photos, so they would take a friend up to meet with him to make him happy. It seemed that many of the things Arch found themselves doing, was to make him happy. This romper for instance…

        He couldn’t have picked out something even just a little more neutral?

        Benjamin to the rescue, as always, he pulled Arch and Shazia down the stairs to enter a limo, but at the bottom, he turned a quick corner and pulled out some tiny liqueur bottles from his pockets. He handed one to each of them. Arch drank it down without a problem; they had barely tasted it and allowed it to burn the back of their throat. The other two pinched their noses.

Abandoning their bottles to the trash bin by the stairs, they stood near the back of the line to enter the last limo on the street. Before pulling off, Arch spied through the window, seeing Lyrem on his way down the stairs with a stranger- a very pretty stranger.

        “So, was that your grandpa?”

        Arch turned back and nodded. They might as well go along with it. The neon lights inside bathed the graduates in multiple colours that caused the sequins on the dresses to sparkle with fervour.

        “Doesn’t like…” Benji started, then reconsidered his words. “Doesn’t your dad or someone chaperone these things a lot?”

        Arch looked at him funny and scowled. “You know I don’t have a dad.”

        “I could’ve sworn… nah, nevermind. I don’t even remember the dude’s name.”

        “My dad’s chaperoned once,” Shazia added, “but it’s really no fun when he does because”-

        “Your dad threatened me last time!” Benji said emphatically. “I won’t forget that shit. He’s got scary eyes. Watched me all night ‘cause he thought I wanted to get into your pants.”

        Arch laughed at him as he enthusiastically recalled everything to a T.

        The limo emptied outside the school gymnasium. Walking in, there was yet another “In Memoriam” display set up by the door with photos of Jess and Kyle. Marcus’s parents refused to have their son added to the table. That was too hopeful of them, Arch thought

        “Rest in pieces, guys,” Benji kissed two fingers and pressed them onto the photos.

        Shazia punched him in the arm, and then stood beside Arch to pay her respects. She muttered a few words of respectful prayer and stared at Arch with care in her deep brown eyes.

        “I’m glad you’re not on this table too,” Shazia mentioned. “I don’t think I would have been able to do anything after… you know… what you went through.”

        An instant pang of guilt dropped into Arch’s stomach. They pulled themselves from the table.

        “Whatever,” they said. “I’m alive.”

        The intro of “Dancing Queen” blared through the gymnasium along with the chorus of voices that would sing along and jump around to it. Girls pointed to each other. Boys stood around looking out of place, unless they had a drink in their hands- for whatever reason, they preferred an excuse to stay in place instead of also succumbing to ABBA’s inviting rhythm.

        The DJ mixed a series of beats slower and faster, older songs and younger songs, and after a couple hours, the gym was swelteringly hot. Arch and Benji had decided to abandon Shazia to the dance circle as they recouped outside in the field by a short tree grove.

        Chaperones hardly watched the students coming and going. They were stuck on their screens, scrolling through treasured apps and keeping up their texting quotas.

        Benji pulled out a joint from his pocket.

        “Wow, you really came prepared,” Arch commented dryly.

        “Have to be! I was a boy scout,” Benji stated. Searching for his box of matches through his baggy suit, he grimaced. “What are the odds that one of them’s got a light?”

        He pointed to a chaperone near the door. Arch shook their head.

        “Here,” they took the joint into the hand. “Don’t tell anybody that I did this for you.”

        Benji looked on confused, then furrowed his brows as a small orange glow emitted from Arch’s palm as they held their hand around it. The joint lit itself up with so much as a whisper from his friend. Arch took a puff, coughed and then handed it over with a nod.

        “What the fuck, Arch?” Benji took it back. Studying it bewildered. He puffed too as he watched them struggle to keep from coughing again.

        “Grandpa taught me a magic trick,” they managed.

        “Yeah?” Benji nodded, “Sure, yeah, great… is he fucking Dumbledore?”

        Arch laughed.

“Well, he’s not fucking Dumbled”-

“Arch?’

They turned towards the walking path where the forest line started- where they had just heard their name. Through the darkness of the trees, it was difficult to see who was there at first.

        “Hey, this is the guy I remember,” Benji said. “Sorry, man, I forgot your name.”

        The silhouette and shaggy hair were all Arch could see before they backed away on instinct.

        The man had a slight limp as he approached; in the same clothing he was wearing the night he had first attacked them.

        “Benji… Benji, run!” Arch cried out. They pushed Benji away. He halfway fell into a towering spruce as he was not expecting the shove; he heard the faint killer beats of “Rasputin” pounding out from the gymnasium.

        “What the hell, Arch?” Benji brushed himself off, then started searching the ground for his joint that became lost in the needles.

        The man shook his head, and reached out, grasping Arch’s wrist tightly with his other hand.

        “Arch, please”-

        Shouting the flame incantation this time, Arch pressed their hand into the back of theirs, forcing him to release them. He shouted.

        “For fuck sakes’ Arch! Seriously?!”

        The man stepped backward again, to check their new burn. He became distracted enough that he failed to notice the black cloak appearing to his left.

        Emerging beside him, was none other than Paimon. He had arrived with his cane. With a breath of relief and a quick nod from Arch, Paimon raised his cane in a wide swiping motion to the man. Startle by the sudden movement, he held up a hand, and caught the cane mid swing. Growling, he pushed Paimon back a step.

        “I’m not here for you,” the man said, daring to push past the demon.

        “How grand. I am not here for you either,” Paimon smiled. His eyes glowed orange, then he raised a hand. “Not quite yet, Arty. Bye, bye.”

        “Wh-”-

Immersed in darkness, the man was gone.

        Paimon turned to Arch, with a grin.

        “What did you call him?” Arch asked the demon urgently.

Paimon waved off their question and stole a glance at the boy who witnessed the strange and frightful encounter.

“A-Arch?” Benji stuttered, unsure of how strong his pot was and if it ever induced such vivid trips of the imagine such as this. Perhaps his brother laced it with something as a prank again. “What just happened? Where’d he go?”

Paimon raised his hand.

“No!” Arch lunged, but before they could catch Benji, he disappeared into the darkness as well. They were met with the side of a bushy, pokey pine and pulled themselves back. They turned around to face Paimon who seemed unperturbed by his own flippant action.

Paimon retrieved some necessary documents from a satchel on his side, paying little attention to Arch, as they cussed him out for removing their friend from this plane of existence.

“Bring them back!”

“I will, I will. I just wanted to bring you these papers to sign,” Paimon presented them with several papers of legal length stapled together. “It’s the deed to Mystics, as well as the many responsibilities of Lyrem Nomadus that he wished for you to… inherit. He has been breathing down my neck about these things for nearly three weeks now. I thought I would get you to sign them as soon as I was able.

It was a good thing I found you when I did too… That man really has some nerve returning, doesn’t he?”

Arch grabbed the papers and flipped through them quickly. Out of recall, there were quite a few things that were discussed one night in the presence of one of Paimon’s personal, infernal lawyers. She had the fancy black car parked outside of Mystics… It was the same night that Arch had left home in a huff. It was the same night that they had met Paimon and his greasy smile for the first time. It was the same night that they had missed an entire hour before they were…

Attacked?

By a man… named- if they had heard Paimon correctly- Arty?

Paimon clicked and handed them a little pen with a pink fuzzy end. Arch accepted it without much thought.

“This is going to take me days to read…” they mumbled. The document was fine print the whole way through and impossible to see in the lighting of a faraway streetlamp.

“Mm, well, you don’t have days, I’m afraid.” Paimon noted. “Lyrem was quite insistent that it be signed over now.”

Arch looked over at him.

“Now?”

“You want him to be safe, don’t you?” Paimon asked.

“Of course,” Arch answered.

“And you want to take over his businesses? His empire?”

“Well, eventually, ye”-

“And you wanted to be powerful. And strong.”

“I am powerful. I am strong.”

“For now,” Paimon finished for them. “You are only being given what you are allowed. Those little tricks with fire were taught to you only because Lyrem was having fun. But you won’t need him any longer if you sign on the dotted line. It will all come naturally to you. His power- it will belong- all of it, to you.”

“… But his debts”- Arch didn’t know much about them, but Lyrem went oddly quiet each time they were mentioned.

“His debts are quite the price, yes. But signing this is how you ensure his safety. No one will be in a rush to kill a man like him if his debts are passed on to you- they’ll want to milk him for everything they can. And when he does die, you will be more than capable of handling the rest of it, of that, I am certain.” Paimon checked them over with a hungry grin. Arch stepped back, exhaling heavily, they were stuck.

“Bring Benji back?”

Paimon leaned forward, supporting himself by his cane. Arch didn’t know why they had bothered to ask that question. They already knew what the answer would be.

“When. You. Sign.”

Arch gulped. The chaperones and other kids were none the wiser about what had been occurring in the dark. They might as well have been completely alone with the demon. They didn’t know where Benji was, if he was safe. They couldn’t let him become another missing kid.

Arch examined Paimon- even with the time crunch, they tried to be thorough.

“Lyrem needs to sign too, doesn’t he?”

“He was the one to request it. He doesn’t need to sign.”

“Fuck,” exhausting themselves, Arch exclaimed. “Fine! I’ll sign. But you promise to bring Benji back? Alive?”

“Of course.”

Arch flipped to the last page, scrawled their signature at the end and handed it back.

Paimon presented Benji back to where he had been before- only this time, he was covered in a dark slime, and reeked of sulfur. He flipped his head around, and soon realized he was back among the trees, smelling the fresh nighttime air and hearing the beginning of “Firework” he whimpered to himself in relief and sat himself down on the mulchy ground.

“There, all back.” Paimon inclined his head, and tipped their hat. “Just as I promised.”

Arch abandoned him for their friend to stand beside him as he processed the unwanted journey.

“And what about the man?” They inquired.

“Into the Labyrinth, of course.”

Arch huffed. “If he’s in the Labyrinth, then why do I still remember him?”

Paimon shook his head with a menacing smile plastered over his lips where it had no right to belong. They draped an arm around Arch’s shoulder and squeezed them tight. Arch attempted to pull themselves away, but it only caused Paimon to pull them in closer, pulling them away from poor Benji.

“Oh… Sweet thing,” he spoke quietly, into their ear. “That man is the least of your worries now.”

“What do you mean?” A sinking feeling grew in the pit of their stomach. They were either starting their period early, or Arch’s fears were right, and they had signed away something more than they should have. “What are you talking about?”

Nails dug into Arch’s flesh. Their shoulder bled nearly instantly as Paimon gripped them tightly and Arch gasped and seethed and failed to pull away. It only forced his nails deeper, and his grin to grow wider. The magic that Arch currently contained was minimal, wasted on the man who was just there- and so they could do nothing but endure the disturbing revelation.

“I may have bribed our lawyer to amend certain statements in the documents in my favour. You remember her, don’t you Arch? Ms. Bornath?”

Arch angled their head to stare at Paimon more easily. Yes, they remembered Ms. Bornath. She didn’t seem like much of a threat, but obviously she could be bought.

“You really ought to have read it first. You signed everything over to me. Not Lyrem’s debts, obviously,” Paimon said. “Those still belong to him until he eventually dies- something I will not allow to happen… You- your essence, your power, your soul.  It’s all mine now. You may as well quit your day job, in my opinion. You won’t be needing it. From now on, you work for me.”

Paimon switched his stance to be in front of Arch, finally allowing them to breathe a little easier and to monitor their mess of a shoulder. They should have insisted on a romper with a capped sleeve.

“Now, Lyrem has asked me to give you one last night of freedom before I take you with me, and I will grant his request only because I respect him quite highly”-

“Does Lyrem know?” Arch blurted out, unexpectedly.

Paimon grinned, hearing the notes of betrayal in their voice- a melody to their ears. He would happily crush Arch’s reliance on the old man with a smirk and a few choice words-

“Hey, y-you asshole!”

Arch turned, as did Paimon, to the voice emitted from the trees- It was Benji, who seemed to be unsure of what he was doing entirely. He stole a shaken glance to Arch who stared back in concern and obliviousness. The last thing they wanted was to lose anyone else to the Labyrinth. Benji seemed pretty confident that he would be alright and soon enough, Arch would know it too.

Paimon shouted in a fury as he felt the unexpected intrusion of a Bowie knife through his back. Arch saw the tip of the blade glinting in the low light, thoroughly stabbed through Paimon’s chest. The blade retreated quickly and Arch saw a glow- a blue glow, coming from the head of the man. Before Paimon had any time to react, the man’s hand also glowed with the same blue flame. With little more than a touch to his forehead, Paimon was lit up in blue.

Scrambling to save his beard from the fire, and then the rest of him, Paimon screamed in frustration. As the man turned to face him, Paimon snarled. A moment later, he retreated, dispersing into the darkness. The blue fireball was gone.

Huffing in relief, the man turned- not to Arch, but towards Benji. His crown of blue flame shrank to nothing, and his head resumed its plain greasy charm.

“Thanks for the distraction, kiddo,” he said. “I know that wasn’t easy for you.”

“I’ve… had worse trips,” Benji began to smile, then leaned over the pine bush. He wretched and puked up into the dried leaves and needles.

Arch debated leaving Benji behind. It wouldn’t have been the worst thing they’d done, after all. But they sensed that they had a lot to make up for in order to be considered a good person again. They stood between their friend, and the man called Arty, who didn’t seem to be comfortable looking back at them.

“So…” Arty began. “You work for demons now, too?”

Arch refused to entertain him.

“Get away”-

“Arch”-

“I said get the hell away!” Arch didn’t have much for weapons, but they knew how to wield a stick at the very least. They were surrounded with plenty of those.

“I know you’re confused,” he said, maintaining his stance. “But I am not here to hurt you.”

Arch glanced toward the knife that was still covered in Paimon’s blood, or whatever it was that demon’s bled- it was difficult to tell in the darkness. Arty looked down at it too, then wiped it down on his own clothes before sheathing it on his belt. He held both hands up-

“See? Mostly unarmed.”

Benji stood, wiping his face with the back of his hand. He walked around Arch, towards Arty. If Arch was quicker, they would have pulled him back.

“Hey, uh, dude?” he started, noticing Arch’s confusion and look of betrayal. “Is it cool if I just walk home on my own? I don’t really feel like sticking around here to party anymore.”

Arty looked him up and down, incredulously.

“Uh, yeah? Yeah! Go home, kid… Good- good work tonight.”

“Cool.” Benji nodded tiredly, and then waved to Arch. “See you around, Arch. I promise I’ll bring better dope for next time.”

Arch watched him leave down the path.

“Okay… Yeah… See ya.”

Furrowing their brows, Arch was left standing alone in the field with… Arty… Not the man. And he was the next to speak.

“Can we talk?”

[saecookie]

Chapters: 1/3 Fandom: Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who Rating: Explicit Relationships: Ninth Doctor/Jack Harkness/Rose Tyler Additional Tags: Polyamory, Fluff and Smut, OT3, Established Relationship, Threesome, Fluff, ALL THE FLUFF, this was supposed to be goofy and evolved into that big well of softness

Summary:

There's balance and there's care. Tonight was time for reciprocation, tonight they would be the kind of lover they usually were granted : worshippers, unwinder of sore muscles and whisperers of breathless praises.

The day had been pretty exhausting. Nothing too dangerous, for once – they had been lucky on that part. They had just let themselves wander into some of the lushest forest this side of Six6's southern hemisphere. There had been a lot to see, from the bioluminescence of the shrubs to the weird wavelength chanting of the flying mammals inhabiting the forest. Jack had seen his fair share of wonders during his time at the Time Agency, but he had never been able to just stop in childlike marvel as he was right now.

Unfortunately, what could have been a perfect, quite romantic outing was seemingly not for them. What had started as a leisurely stroll, chatting hand in hand ; had devolved into not finding their way back to the ship. They had had to walk for three solid hours at the end of their day, one already full to the brim of wonders. After two hours of trying to find their way back, they were weary, quiet rather than snapping at one another at each new change of direction. Jack could only glance for a few seconds at Rose or at the Doctor before they became annoyed at him checking up on them. Upon finally seeing the TARDIS, he had let the quietest relieved sigh. They were still silent and a bit on edge.

After that trainwreck of a trip back, Jack had gone straight into the galley. Rose and the Doctor had wandered a bit around the console room. It was their little ritual when coming back to the TARDIS, and it wasn’t his to invade. He picked a few things out of the pantry, made them some quick dinner and put it on a tray. Knowing those two, he made his way to the media room. It soon found them not particularly paying attention to the movie they had chosen, only for the sake of unwinding together. The soundtrack playing in the background was just enough to add a layer of comfort to being in each other’s presence. Jack would have denied it all, but he was already dozing shortly after putting his plate down. There was nothing to be done : he was warm, he was safe, and his favourite people were at arms' reach.

"I think she's fallen asleep."

The Doctor's voice was barely above a whisper, just enough to be heard above the lulling sound coming from the screen.

Jack faintly tried to blink the sleep away, to no avail.

"Mhm ?"

"I think Rose's fallen asleep."

Groaning himself out of his own drowsiness, Jack sat up against the back of the couch. Indeed, when he looked across the room, he could only see a Rose-shaped blanket bundled up in her favourite armchair. What a sight she was, all golden hair and pink fingers. The ups and downs of her chest were the only perceptible movements underneath the covers. A wisp of hair had fallen in front of her eyelids, and her head was slumped across the armchair at an angle that couldn’t possibly be comfortable.

After seeing her so annoyed during their walk back to the TARDIS, tense and frowning, giving only snappish answers, Jack took some time gazing at her. She seemed to already be in deep slumber, no worry lines in sight, her eyes faintly moving every now and then behind her eyelids. Peacefulness had finally settled on her features, lacking her usual playfulness but looking more like herself than she had all evening. She seemed warm and unworried, and that was honestly all Jack ever wanted for Rose. If he could have wrapped her up in that blanket forever and still shown her the splendors of the universe, he would have done so without a second thought.

"I'm taking her to bed. You should too, you're already half asleep."

That got a grunt out of Jack. For all the eye candy Rose was, his eyes still had trouble staying open. He tried to pay attention, but barely saw the Doctor crouching to get Rose and carry her out to her room. He could only hear the soft whispering and cooing noises, reassuring her as she stirred. Her huffs of disapproval stopped before they were even out of the door, Jack already asleep by then, smiling over the cuteness of his two favourite people.

He woke up to a soft touch to his shoulder. He leaned into it, still not exactly awake. For all the gruffness the Doctor was showing the world, Jack how he was actually always very careful in his touches, always light and gentle. Caring. In all his time knowing him, and from the moment the Doctor stopped considering him a safety hazard, he had been nothing but mindful of him. It had unhurriedly matured into caring, then bloomed into what they had now.

"Told you to go to bed Captain." There was a distinct chuckle under that faked sternness. Before even opening his eyes, Jack smiled at him and shuffled, getting himself more comfortable. The media room had always known how to make itself cosy.

"Mhm. Well, I didn't. Whatcha gonna do ?"

This time the chuckle was not hidden under any pretense. Jack peeked under his eyelashes. Those blue eyes were looking down on him, and he'd never get enough of that soft smile that felt like sunrise, the one the Doctor always saved just for Rose and him. It made him glow from the inside out, as if revealing himself, how he was really made of attention and care and love for people.

He must have dozed off again because the next thing he knew, a shudder made its way down his spine. Lips were brushing against his in a soft caress. If he had ever opened his eyes, they were definitely back to being closed now ; quietly enjoying the warmth they were sharing.

They broke apart as softly as they had met. He chased after those lips, after that taste of time they carried, the burnt tang of trouble. A light hum escaped Jack’s mouth as his eyes fluttered open. There was such an air of smugness about him.

"What about this ?"

Jack sat back up, displaying false thoughtfulness. He leaned in,  almost falling in the Doctor’s lap. There was a warmth to their loose embrace, a tingly anticipation, the kind when you knew everything would fall together without the shadow of a doubt, but waiting for it to happen as you would the first bite of a birthday cake.

“Fine by me,” Jack purred in his ear.

There was something delicious in the closeness, the anticipation becoming expectation, building steady. It was with some eagerness that he pressed their lips back together, keeping it chaste at first though. It wouldn’t be said that Jack Harkness didn’t know how to build some good tension.

Then the Doctor’s hand found his cheek, palm cool against his chin. Tilted Jack's head up a little, deepened the kiss, and suddenly Jack wasn’t controlling anything anymore. A groan escaped him, unbidden. Being given directions usually turned his knees to jelly ; now, he was drowsy enough to be reduced to a puttering mess. There was something to be said about the firmness of the Doctor’s touch, the slowness of his motions, the intent behind every glance. It was empowering, it was raw, it was safe.

In one swift motion Jack couldn’t be bothered to identify, the Doctor got some more leverage over him. He whined when their lips got separated, panting heavily in the space between them, lost to the sensation of his lover’s attention solely directed on him. When the Doctor’s mouth fell to his throat, moaning was the only thing he could do. He fumbled for something to grab. All of this was too much : too fast, too soft, too intimate for his sleep addled brain. A series of open-mouth kisses were pressed there, insistent and feverish. He got pushed backwards at the shoulder, still heaving.

Jack could only let go and try to reciprocate the best he could, but he was sleepy, and everything was fuzzy, and there was a body draped across him now, and what could he do except be pretty and sigh happily ? Where they had previously been leaning sideways across the back of the couch, Jack was now a whimpering wreck against the armrest. He could feel the full weight of the Time Lord pressing him into the couch, his breaths shallow against his skin. It was making a lot of funny feelings bloom into his chest and into his throat, something fluttery. He somehow knew that the blush he was feeling on his cheeks was spreading on his chest, soon bared by his lover’s hands. His eyes were glassy, unfocused as the hand that wasn’t holding his jaw and neck in place trailed down, not bothering to unbutton his shirt and going for his trousers right away.

Rose definitely didn’t wake up to a soft touch to her shoulder. She woke up to high-pitch whimpers. Those were directed at her wall, which didn’t make sense considering that the TARDIS was a transdimensional being and all that jazz. She frowned, rubbing her eyes as the noises kept going, slightly muffled. She looked around her. Her room stared back. She must have fallen asleep watching tv, and one of them had carried her to bed.

How thoughtful.

It would have even been more thoughtful if they hadn’t promptly proceeded to wake her up shagging against her wall. If glares could burn holes, there wouldn’t be a wall anymore. It wouldn’t change a thing about the shagging, but maybe the TARDIS would consider sending those little pants and broken cries another way. They were lucky she liked them, or she would have already stormed out of her room and thrown some nasty words at them. Really, had they never considered respecting someone’s sleep schedule ? The day had been tiresome enough as it was.

She lay there for a few seconds, trying to just wake up, let the irritation abate. She stared at the ceiling, listening idly to her lovers. They were enjoying themselves, that much was obvious. And how she loved them ; how she loved them loving each other. She could actually have gone back to sleep— she was exhausted, her eyes were drifting close every now and then. Her body, apparently not so much. Lying in her bed, with pleas of more and yes and fuck from people who usually made her feel that way, was making her feel things. Some very, very nice, tingly things. Warmth pooled low in her belly, crawling out. It made her smile, in a lazy kind of ripple effect. They were right there, enjoying themselves : that simple thought was enough to content her.

Loving and feeling loved were two of the most wholesome, striking things. Seeing love blooming between people she cared about was another one. It was a new unexpected depth to the already unending well of all the love she felt just simmering under her skin.

She stayed there for a little while, well awake now, basking in their almost presence, letting herself fully feel the arousal pulsing within her to the rhythm next door. She really loved hearing them. Her hand came slowly drifting over her neck. That caused some new shivers in its wake. She could stay here, maybe help herself nicely back to sleep…

On the other hand, they did wake her up and wouldn’t it be the nice thing to do to let her have some fun too ?

In the end, they weren’t even against the wall. A wall. Any wall. From what she could see, waiting in the doorframe in her pyjamas, they were just making out like teenagers on the armrest. The back of the couch was hiding the rest of their bodies from her. They must have already brought themselves to an end : their kisses were lazy, their whispers barely audible but still there all the same.

It was enough to watch them for a little while, all chuckles and soft smiles and fumbling to get more comfortable. They couldn’t stray away from each other’s mouth for more than a few seconds. They traded kisses with laughter and eye crinkles. Their hands weren’t in sight, but she was ready to bet that they were in their laps, and not in a modest way.

She was so fond of them. That adoring wave washed through her, almost winning over arousal.

She must have made some sort of noise, because the Doctor was suddenly looking her way. A new sort of light was adorning his gaze. God, she loved this man. As if on cue, Jack looked her way as well. A slow grin brightened his whole face up. He looked silly, but he was her silly. He stretched his neck to see her around the back of the couch, putting him in an even sillier position. Still no hands in sight. Rose giggled, so thankful for the two men in front of her, for the ease between the three of them even after the day they had had, for the light they brought and the softness in their breath.

"Rosie ! Up for round two ?"

She bit her lip, the lingering annoyance at being woken up long forgotten in the wake of that thrilling feeling they never failed to bring her. The Doctor offered her a nod and a smile, already shifting to make some space for her. One of his hands came in view. The flashing expression on Jack’s face told her all she needed to know about what the other hand was already up to. And if fondness had battled arousal at some point, it was now a settled thing. She hurried around the couch, took the hand offered to her by Jack, and let herself be on the receiving end of their thorough affections.

[chrismerle]

what’s up i spent way too long typing up a post about my thoughts on P5S, and it isn’t even all encompassing. i guess if you’re curious about anything i didn’t mention in this trainwreck just ask.

my spoiler-heavy thoughts/pseudo-review below the cut

THINGS I LIKED:

The characterization, broadly speaking. If you, like me, loved the Thieves in P5/P5R then you’ll be pretty happy with them here. There are a couple moments that made me roll my eyes (lookin’ at you, hot springs) but on the whole, the main cast are unchanged.

The new characters. Sophia and Zenkichi are great. Sophia is precious and Zenkichi straddles a very fine line of ‘realistically out of the loop, but gives as good as he gets.’ I don’t even care how silly their costumes were. Sophie looked like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man, though I did like her little emoticon visor, but also she had no pants. Wolf’s mask was badass but the fact that his stupid pointy hat was riveted to the top of his stupid disco high collar killed it and I wanted to see someone grab his hat and pull it back to see it fling back into place like a drinky-drinky bird. Even so, the characters were great, and when I noticed that all the attacks for Sophie’s initial pseudo-Persona had question marks after them (Kouga? Dia?), it made me laugh, and Wolf’s a good all-purpose party member because he hits like a fucking truck and nothing is immune to Almighty. Plus in some of his post-battle dialogue he calls them all ‘kiddos’ and they consistently call him Gramps.

The gameplay. I mean, yeah, it’s VERY different than P5, but you all know that. And hey! The game no longer immediately ends if Joker gets knocked out (unless he’s the only one left in the party, obviously). It ran pretty smoothly, there’s something weirdly charming about the other Thieves showing up perched on cover points, and the only consistent issue I ran into is that in segments where the camera gets forced into a certain angle, it can switch back so abruptly at the end that you accidentally go walking right off a ledge.

I’ve never really played a Dynasty Warriors-type game before, so it took me a Jail or so to get used to it, but then I was just cackling as I mowed down swarms of Jack Frosts like a weed-whacker in a flower field with a knife the size of Joker’s torso. Honestly, it took me the longest to get used to the fact that the circle button became the all-purpose ‘interact’ button than anything else.

Actually, that’s a lie. It took me the longest to get used to the fact that if I left a Jail, I wouldn’t be losing any time. I’m very used to Persona games having the calendar constantly counting down, which wasn’t the case here.

The story, broadly speaking. It had some hiccups and some issues, which I’ll get into, but for the most part, it was fun. I’m...not going to outline every detail of the story here, but it felt very P5-y and I enjoyed it.

THINGS I LIKED BUT THAT NEEDED WORK:

The writing. It was a little inconsistent, beyond just the usual weirdness that I have accepted comes along with Persona games. (//patiently clicks through numerous conversations of the gang going ‘did this super obvious thing that this memory threw in our faces happen? Let’s debate about whether the most likely answer by a huge margin is the answer’ and several conversations of ‘are we sure this person is bad? We saw them playing nice, like literally every other villain we’ve faced’) A lot was great! Like, the bit with the Okinawa locals breaking into the RV while the kids hide in the bushes? Genuinely unsettling! Akane’s Jail and the fake Thieves was fun, and seeing Zenkichi scuttle from hiding place to hiding place without Thief powers was funny, and his Shadow’s glowing eyes watching him before becoming his Persona was both badass and unsettling. The realization that EMMA was actively lying to Konoe was nice. Character interactions were great and I loved that Sophia went with Ichinose at the end. There was a lot that was good. But there were also a lot of missteps.

Like, it kind of felt like the direction for the writing changed partway through. It started out as if each member of the Phantom Thieves was going to get their own time to shine, identifying and empathizing with a Monarch. Ann realized she could have been Alice. Yusuke realized he could have been Ango and also saw redeeming him as sort of like redeeming Madarame by proxy. Mariko was a link to Haru’s childhood and her father. The ghost Jail on Okinawa lured Sophie in and by the end she realized how much she meant to her friends ryuji said fuck. Akane was Zenkichi’s literal daughter. And then it went to Konoe and then EMMA, so Ryuji, Futaba, Morgana, Makoto, and Joker didn’t get a chance to shine in that regard. The switch from ‘a Jail for everyone to identify with’ to ‘whelp here’s the decoy and the end boss’ felt like they came from two separate drafts of the script, and it’s not like they had to watch the time; I got through P5S in about a third the time it took me to get through P5R. It took me about 35 hours. Considering the game kind of relies on you having played P5, they already knew their target audience has a longer attention span than that.

Owada was talked up as kind of a big deal, but he had like two scenes on-screen and otherwise was an entirely off-screen character. There’s a lot of mid-combat dialogue that is very difficult to focus on, which was sort of annoying when some of it was actually relevant. Ichinose’s reveal as a villain is very info-dump-y.

Plus, Joker wasn’t utilized particularly well as a silent protagonist. He’s got more implied personality than basically any other Persona protag. Which means he’s actually pretty expressive throughout the game, but I can probably count his lines of dialogue outside of combat with fingers left over. No one expects Yu Narukami to actually react to anything, so it doesn’t feel odd when he doesn’t. But the combination of Joker being reasonably expressive and having a demonstrated personality means you’re perpetually EXPECTING and WANTING him to say something about the shit going on, and when he doesn’t it feels like mentally missing a stair.

THINGS THAT I DIDN’T LIKE:

The cut corners. Like, a lot of things just seem lazy. There were scenes that really should have been included that weren’t, like how the Thieves escaped from the hotel after the police showed up; it cut from Zenkichi warning them and getting arrested to them arriving at the temporary hideout, so we never even got to see how the Thieves reacted to realizing the cops were outside. Requests to bond with the other Thieves only got a couple of text boxes, when they could have shown a tiny scene of them hanging out like they had all over P5. Rather than having Sae actually on-screen for her brief scene, the camera instead very unnaturally switched to an angle as if it was from her point of view, which was literally the only time the camera did that in the entire game. All of the Sentries look the same from Jail to Jail, instead of being unique to each Jail. Igor is completely absent for the entire game, and other than a throwaway ‘my master can’t be here’ from Lavenza it’s just not really acknowledged.

The missed opportunities. Like, there is no way to look at this except to assume that Joker was a horrible friend to literally everyone in this world state. Like, I can pass off the fact that everyone has their baseline Personae as being because they haven’t had access to their powers for a while, but when you combine it with the fact that NONE of Joker’s other confidants show up or even know he’s back in Tokyo, it leaves little to assume except that in this world, no confidants got maxed out. On top of that, the Personae are all basically pointless. They could be Pokemon or Stands or Digimon or fucking YuGiOh cards, and it wouldn’t make a difference; NOTHING about the game says ‘these entities are integral to this world and important to these characters.’ Also they could have had Akane actually realize who the Thieves were and it would have been hysterical, but that’s just my personal sulk.

The Requests. I liked the Mementos missions in P5/P5R. They felt like they had a point. Requests in P5S are all basically just fetch quests. ‘Go to Location A, fight so many of Enemy B to get so many of Item C. Turn in Request.’ Hell, one of them bugged out on me, I swear. There’s a Request to teach Zenkichi how to cook a simple meal, and Haru gives you a recipe including beef. I had no beef on me at the time, because if you want SP restoratives you gotta cook a fair amount and I used it, and I could find literally no beef in the city I was in at the time so I had to abandon the Request. On top of that, outside of getting food or a few moments where another character specifically asks for Joker’s attention, character-specific Requests mostly replace the ability to bond with the other characters individually.

The restoratives. Or, more specifically, the disparity between HP restoratives and SP restoratives. There’s essentially one cookable recipe to restore SP for every four recipes to restore HP. Even if I stopped at every store and vending machine, I’m pretty sure there were a couple cities where I could find NO SP restoratives for sale, while most stores and vending machines had at least two or three HP restoratives. And while it is true that you can go in and out of a Jail whenever you please to restore SP, that doesn’t help you if you run out during a boss fight you weren’t expecting (mini-boss encounters are virtually identical to regular monster encounters) or during one of the times where you CAN’T leave the Jail for reasons XYZ.

The final boss, and not just because I died and had to start over a few times. As a concept, EMMA could be cool, but in reality she just seemed like the writers threw Yaldabaoth and Maruki in a blender and poured the results into the game. Like Yaldabaoth, she is a false god who seeks to control humanity, claiming it’s what they want. Like Maruki, she seems genuinely deluded into thinking it’s for the best and that she’s not doing anything wrong. Her Jail looked like a slightly sci-fi reskin of the Depths of Mementos. The shtick with the multiple platforms and getting to actually SEE an all-out attack at the end were nice, but for the most part the fight itself was nothing special. Ultimately, EMMA had nothing unique going for her except her name.

Plus, EMMA’s entire rationale was that the majority of humans want someone else to control their lives for them, essentially out of convenience. And she’s presented as being more or less right, but that just being one of the hurdles of being human. It seemed a little dour and far-fetched. Like, the Thieves repeatedly point out that struggling allows people to grow, and they’re right, but in my experience, I’ve never actually met anyone who, upon hitting a roadblock, decided ‘Jesus take the wheel.’ Considering the greed with which her weird tentacle arms snatched up the solidified Desires, the pettiness of the complaints she used as a “gotcha,” and the fact that she just kind of reiterates her ‘people want to be controlled’ point over and over, I think it would have felt a bit more true to life and given her more agency if, instead of presenting her as largely correct, it instead acknowledged that everyone at some time or another hits a wall and wants someone to tell them what to do and had her capitalizing on those individual brief moments to hook people in, despite her having reams of data that for most people, those moments are temporary.

[letswritefanfiction]

New Pokémon oneshot series! Mistakes Were Made.

A series of disconnected oneshots that poke fun at the fandom hivemind, canon, and past!me. I’m taking things that I’ve either observed or done myself and reframing them in parody where hopefully we can just all have some low stakes fun and, at best, maybe learn something about our favorite characters and writing.

Chapter One- Addiction: Redux

Summary: Once upon a time, an enterprising, young fanfiction authoress wrote the first chapter for her years-long alphabet challenge, and it sucked. Six years later, she makes a whole story devoted to making fun of it.

"Ash, Ash, Ash!"

Ash felt a tingle go up—or down?—his spine at the sound of his name. But not the good kind. He currently had a packaged cookie in his mouth and was reaching for a second one, but knew that wasn't why his name was being called. No, Misty's voice was farther away, there was no way she was in sight of the kitchen, watching him pilfer her snack cookies from the cabinet.

Pikachu filled him a glass of water so that he could swallow the evidence as soon as possible and then he walked towards where the sound had come from.

Misty's office.

That's where the dread came in.

If he'd heard her exclaim his name like that from somewhere else in the Gym, he might have thought it was Pokémon-related and he probably would have been too excited to remember to cover his tracks with the cookies. But in the time he'd spent in the Misty's Gym since becoming a couple, he knew that only bad things lay behind those doors.

Usually those bad things were nothing more malignant than paperwork and maybe an overworked, slightly cross-eyed Misty. Nothing he wasn't used to. But excitement…that probably meant that she wasn't working. Exciting paperwork could in theory be something like a grant, but he probably would have heard about that. And would probably remember it. Maybe. But since he didn't, he had to assume it was something much more sinister.

She'd found something on the Internet.

"Do I have to, Pikachu?" he whispered as he approached the door.

"Pika chu," Pikachu nodded, pushing his Trainer forward and then making a run for it. Coward.

"Hey, Mist," Ash said with false cheer as he came into the dark room. The sun had set maybe an hour or two ago—Ash didn't pay attention to those things well when he wasn't on the road—and Misty had yet to turn any lamps on. But her face was heavily illuminated with the cold, blue glow of her computer monitor, which she was staring unblinkingly at.

"Hey, babe," she said, always more comfortable with the pet names than he was. He'd get there someday. Maybe. She was just 'Misty' in his head! He couldn't help it. "Check this out."

Her voice was slightly maniacal as she pointed to the screen full of words in front of her. Gee, Ash's favorite. He rolled his eyes. He had a sinking feeling what this was about.

"Look at this terrible fanfiction!"

"Is it about you and me?" he deadpanned.

"Yes, and it's terrible! I mean, I'm pretty cute in it, but you're so OOC I can't help but cackle."

And cackle she did. Then, she began to read it out loud:

"Misty was nothing if not true to her word," she began, her voice taking on the lilt of a storyteller's. "I am that. Have I ever lied to you?"

"Probably wouldn't date you if you had," Ash said, wanting this experience to be over as soon as possible. He didn't have an especially good relationship with reading in the first place, but reading about himself…ew, there was just something icky about it. Especially since Misty had shown him…certain stories.

Misty continued. "Today, Ash found himself sitting in an uncomfortable plastic seat, the kind that he hadn't had to deal with since grade school. This one was missing the foot off of one of the corners, so Ash spent his time rocking from side to side—okay, that part is like you," Misty said, interrupting the story. "You've definitely done that before. So let's skip to the bad stuff. Long story short, you're in an AA meeting—"

"What?" Ash exclaimed. "Why would—okay, you're right. That doesn't sound like me at all."

"No you're not addicted to alcohol," Misty explained. "Just…Just wait for it. Ah, let's skip to here. 'Hello, my name is Ash,' Ash mumbled into his shirt as he avoided eye contact with all others in the room.

Ash—the real Ash, not story-Ash—rolled his eyes. Not at the story, surprisingly, but at Misty. She had taken to reading lines that he—or, rather, the fictional version of him—had in something of a stage whisper. She was making fun of his raspy voice just because she could.

"Resounding back to him was a dull chorus of, 'Hi, Ash.' His mouth was dry. As much as he loved being the center of attention—hah, now that part's right!" Misty interjected. "Oh, and this next part is good: Ash had never been good at the public speaking. He usually ended up saying something dumb that Misty would then make fun of him for later. So he said the only thing that he could think to say: "And I'm addicted to Pokémon Battling."

"What‽" Ash exclaimed, slamming his hands down on the desk as he got closer behind Misty to see the screen for himself. "What does that even mean? How can someone be addicted to Pokémon Battles? This is the stupidest—"

"Shh, that's explained. That's what I'm getting to. Listen:" Misty said, skipping down a bit further. "'Aw, Mist, it's not like you really believe that an addiction to Battling is a real thing, do you?' Misty turned sharply to look at him. "Ash, you battled to the point where Pikachu could hardly breathe! We had to spend the whole day in the Pokémon Center, remember? Clearly you have a problem, and I couldn't think of any other solution besides peer pressure to get you to shape up.'"

"Nope," Ash said immediately. "Nope, nope, nope. I would never do that in a million years."

"I know!" Misty explained, laughing as she stared in disbelief at the words on the screen. "You'd more likely run on the field and land yourself in the hospital."

"I have."

"I know."

Ash frowned as he read the words over again. They made him angry to read. Mostly because the idea of any Trainer doing that to a Pokémon incensed him, but it was more than that. "I can't believe someone out there thinks I would do that."

"Oh, Ash," Misty said, finally swiveling around to look at him. "This person doesn't know you. They just think they do, for some strange reason. Or maybe they knew this wasn't what you're like and wrote it anyway. There are stories like that too."

That didn't make him feel better. Suddenly Ash wanted to run and find Pikachu again, just to hold him. He wanted to hold Pikachu's warm, healthy body, stroke his bright, shiny fur, and feel his full, but muscular belly just to be reminded of the partnership that he had. He was nothing like that…stranger being depicted on the screen.

"I'm sorry if this story upset you, Ash," Misty said, turning the monitor off. "I just find it funny when people get it so wrong. Other than that, the story isn't too terrible. I mean, the writing itself is fine—it just has a crappy core premise. It's even a little funny, though. In the end, I get your mother's cookie recipe just so I can train you with them."

Ash stiffened a little bit. Cookies? Maybe that writer knew more than they seemed to…

"Gosh, it's pitch black in here isn't it? One sec…"

Misty turned on her desk lamp before swiveling in her chair back to Ash. As soon as she saw him, her eyes widened and she pointed to his face. Specifically to his lips.

"Cookie thief!"

By reflex, Ash licked his lips, and found the slightest taste of chocolate at the corner of his mouth. Why hadn't Pikachu told him? And…had he ever put the package of cookies away?

Well. The one thing this author didn't know—in addition to not knowing anything about how Ash battled, apparently—was that he wasn't the true cookie fiend. The true cookie fiend in the Cerulean Gym that day was not him or Misty, but a little electric rodent, who had been left alone for quite a while now.

"Misty," Ash said, his tone just desperate enough to draw her eyes up to his. "We've gotta go!"

Moral: Everyone writes some bad stories. In case you missed it, all those excerpts up there do come from a real story existing on this site. Written by me. This is the first chapter from my Alphabet Challenge, "Addiction." No, not even I am cruel enough to pick some rando's story off this site and make fun of it so heartlessly. No, luckily I've written enough poop myself that I was able to use my past mistakes to illustrate something.

Exception: None. Everyone writes some bad stuff.

Second Moral: Ash would never abuse his Pokémon. I mean, yes, his Pokémon have ended up in dangerous condition before, but always super by accident. In this story, Misty lets us know that it's Ash's fault and it's a habit and that just isn't our sweet baby boy. Ash would never hurt his Pokémon.

Exception: Again, none? Unless there's some real defendable ignorance—it is Ash, after all—then, I repeat: Ash would never hurt his Pokémon.

[trashinaglass-archive]

Graham Norton Show

Retry for the first Graham Norton that has nothing to do with it

Request: Yes but I lost the ask, I’m so sorry!!!

A/n: I haven’t been able to watch the latest episode with Tom and Jake so if y’all have a link to the episode, send it to me? Thanks 3000 Bad joke? Sorry

“Welcome back,” Graham spoke as the commercial break ended. You, Nikki, and Sam sat in the crowd watching Tom on the popular talk show. You looked forward to attending the show with Tom each time he was invited- it was always so much fun. “Tom, you recently announced that you are off the market officially.” Sam nudged you with his elbow at the comment, making you blush.

“Officially, yes,” Tom repeated, throwing his fist up once. Jake laughed at the gesture.

“So accomplished,” he said, pointing to Tom. “‘I did it- I got the girl!’”

“I did though,” Tom laughed looking back at Graham.

“Well go on, tell us about her,” he urged Tom.

“Oh! Sorry- yeah, she’s amazing. Y/n is the kindest girl I’ve ever meet. I’m so lucky to call her mine.” A picture of you came up on the screen behind Graham. “Look at her- she’s gorgeous.”

“Did you pull the Spider-Man card when you met her?” Tom Hanks asked. “I feel like that’s what any girl wants to hear.”

“You know, I always joked that I would do that, but when I saw her- damn,” Tom stopped looking at Jake. “This is so cheesy. It was like a film where everything around us just stopped and it was just her and she was glowing and my jaw hit the floor.”

“Oh my gosh,” you said softly, covering your warm cheeks with your hands. Nikki wore a big smile on her face seeing her son talk about the girl he loves in such a way.

Tom laughed, looking toward where you were sat and saw your movements. “She’s so embarrassed,” he said, pointing toward where you sat before continuing. “My brother, Harry, was with me, and he did bring up ‘tell her you’re Spider-Man’, but I didn’t. I was so nervous to talk to her- I wanted to seem cool so she’d want to date me, and I was scared she’d think I was crazy or something. I mean, could you imagine some kid walking up to you and his pickup line is ‘I’m Spider-Man. Date me’?”

“But you eventually did tell her?” Graham asked.

“Well obviously,” Tom said making everyone laugh. He looked back to where you were sat, “cover your ears, love,” he joked, placing his over his own quickly before pointing at you.

“Was she supportive of you being Spider-Man? Or did she have to get used to it?”

“She was supportive. I’m just lucky that she is so supportive of what I do. She’s great. We were in the cinema not too long ago- took her nephews to see Toy Story actually- and the trailers for Spies in Disguise and Onward were shown, two films I did, and within the first millisecond she- ‘it’s Tom!’ ‘This is Tom’s movie’.”

“Really?” Graham asked.

“Yes. Like literally all there was for Spies in Disguise was a door opening in a dark room, and she knew. I don’t know if she just watches them over and over or what, but it was pretty cute.”

“What did the nephews think?” Tom Hanks asked.

“They thought it was hilarious. They think she’s obsessed with me.”

“No, not about her. About me, Toy Story,” he clarified making everyone laugh.

“Oh!” Tom said before laughing himself. “They loved it. Bunny and Ducky were their favorite.”

Graham changed the subject, asking Gwenyth about something, and you were so grateful they were done talking about you.

. . .

You all made your way down to the stage once the show finished, meeting Tom as he spoke with Graham. “Hi,” You said, announcing you presence.

“Hello, y/n! How are you?” Graham asked, reaching to shake your hand.

“I’m good. I enjoyed the show- thanks for talking about me so much,” you laughed.

“At least it was only good things,” he commented before talking to Nikki and Sam.

“Only good things,” you repeated, looking at Tom.

“I was so tempted to mention that I took you to the hospital when we met because you tripped and ate shit,” he laughed.

“That’s not funny! I had a broken nose,” you reminded him.

“But you can’t deny, it was hilarious.”

“Not in the moment, it wasn’t. But I do love that you made me seem like a perfect princess instead of the clumsy bitch I really am,” you said as you moved to hug him, your cheek pressing against his chest.

“You are a perfect princess,” he replied, his arms squeezing you to him. “You’re just a bit unsteady every now and then which is totally fine. I mean have you seen the Princess Diaries?”

You giggled at his comment, “point taken.” You moved your head to look up at him, puckering your lips. Tom bowed his head, pressing a kiss to your nose then your waiting lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Princess.”

“And I love you guys too, but can we get going?” Sam chimed in. You turned around, noticing that he and Nikki has been watching you two- Graham long gone. You blushed and let go of Tom, but taking his hand in yours.

“Sorry,” You both said as you began walking to where his family stood. “Let’s get out of here.”

Taglist: @lucychg @yourwonderbelle @rageyoudamnednerd @maliburumofficial @cutiepiemimi13 @happywolves81 @lifeandloveandhappiness (Add yourself here)

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 10/13/20: FREAKY, THE CLIMB, MANK, HILLBILLY ELEGY, AMMONITE, DREAMLAND, DOC-NYC and MUCH MORE!

It’s a pretty crazy week for new releases as I mentioned a few times over the past couple weeks, but it’s bound to happen as we get closer to the holiday movie season, which this year won’t include many movies in theaters, even though movie theaters are still open in many areas of the country… and closing in others. Sigh. Besides a few high-profile Netflix theatrical release, we also get movies starring Vince Vaughn, Margot Robbie, Kate Winslet, Saoirse Ronan, Mel Gibson and more offerings. In fact, I’ve somehow managed to write 12 (!!!!) reviews this week… yikes.

Before we get to the new movies, let’s look at a few series/festivals starting this week, including the always great documentary festival, DOC-NYC, which runs from November 11 through 19. A few of the docs I’ve already seen are (probably not surprisingly, if you know me) some of the music docs in the “Sonic Cinema” section, including Oliver Murray’s Ronnie’s, a film about legendary jazz musician and tenor sax player Ronnie Scott, whose London club Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club has been one of the central cores for British jazz fans for many decades.

Alex Winter’s Zappa is a much more satisfying portrait of the avant-garde rocker than the doc Frank Zappa: In His Own Words from a few years back, but I was even more surprised by how much I enjoyed Julien Temple’s Crock of Gold: A Few Rounds with Shane MacGowan, because I’ve never really been a Pogues fan, but it’s highly entertaining as we learn about the chronically-soused frontman of the popular Irish band.

I haven’t seen Robert Yapkowitz and Richard Peete’s in My Own Time: A Portrait of Karen Dalton, a portrait of the blues and folk singer, yet, nor have I watched Marcia Jarmel and Ken Schneider’s Los Hermanos/The Brothers about two brother musicians separated from childhood after leaving their native Cuba, but I’ll try to get to both of them soon enough.

Outside of the realm of music docs is Ilinca Calugareanu’s A Cops and Robbers Story, which follows Corey Pegues from being a drug dealer and gang member to a celebrated deputy inspector within the NYPD. There’s also Nancy (The Loving Story) Buirski’s A Crime on the Bayou, the third part of the filmmaker’s trilogy about brave individuals in the Civil Rights era, this one about 19-year-old New Orleans fisherman Gary Duncan who tries to break up a fight between white and black teens at an integrated school and is arrested for assaulting a minor when merely touching a white boy’s arm.

Hao Wu’s 76 Days covers the length of Wuhan, China’s lockdown due to COVID-19, a very timely doc that will be released by MTV Documentary Films via virtual cinema on December 4. It’s one of DOC-NYC’s features on its annual Short List, which includes Boys State, Collective, The Fight, On the Record, and ten others that will vie for juried categories.

IFC Films’ Dear Santa, the new film from Dana Nachman, director of the wonderful Pick of the Litter, will follow its Heartland Film Festival debut with a run at COD-NYC before its own December 4 release. The latter is about the USPS’s “Operation Santa” program that receives hundreds of thousands of letters to Santa every year and employees thousands of volunteers to help make the wishes of these kids come true.

Basically, there’s a LOT of stuff to see at DOC-NYC, and while most of the movies haven’t been released publicly outside festivals yet, a lot of these movies will be part of the doc conversations of 2020. DOC-NYC gives the chance for people across the United States to see a lot of great docs months before anyone else, so take advantage of some of their ticket packs to save some money over the normal $12 per ticket price. The $199 price for an All Access Film Pass also isn’t a bad deal if you have enough time to watch the hundreds of DOC-NYC offerings. (Sadly, I never do, yet I’m still a little bummed to miss the 10Am press screenings at IFC Center that keeps me off the streets… or in this case, sitting on my ass at home.)

Not to be outdone by the presence of DOC-NYC, Film at Lincoln Center is kicking off its OWN seventh annual “Art of the Real” doc series, which has a bit of overlap by running from November 13 to 26. I really don’t know a lot about the documentaries being shown as part of this program, presented with Mubi and The New York Times, but check this out. For just 50 bucks, you can get an all-access pass to all 17 films, which you can casually watch at home over the two weeks of the fest.

Okay, let’s get to some theatrical releases, and the one I’ve been anticipating the most (also the one getting the widest release) is Christopher Landon’s FREAKY from Blumhouse and Universal Pictures. It stars Kathryn Newton as Millie Kessler, a high school outcast who is constantly picked on, but one night, she ends up encountering the serial killer known as the “Blissfield Butcher” (Vince Vaughn), but instead of dying when she’s stabbed with a ritual blade. The next morning Millie and the Butcher wake up to discover that they’ve been transported into the body of the other. Oh, it’s Friday the 13th… oh, now I get it… Freaky Friday!

Landon is best known for writing many of the Paranormal Activity sequels and directing Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones. Msore importantly, he directed Happy Death Day and its sequel Happy Death Day 2 U, two of my favorite Blumhouse movies, because they so successfully mix horror with comedy, which is so hard to do. That’s what Freaky is all about, too, and it’s even harder this time even though Freaky has way more gruesome and gory kills than anything in Landon’s other films. Heck, many of the kills are gorier than the most recent Halloween from Blumhouse, and it’s a little shocking when you’re laughing so hard at times.

Landon does some clever things with what’s essentially a one-joke premise of a killer in a teen girl’s body and vice versa, but like the Lindsay Lohan-Jamie Lee Curtis remake from 2003, it’s all about the talent of the two main actors to pull off the rather intricate nature of playing humor without losing the seriousness of the horror element.

It may not be too surprising with Vaughn, who made a ton of dramas and thrillers before turning to comedy. (Does everyone remember that he played Norman Bates in Gus Van Sant’s remake of Psycho and also starred in thrillers The Cell and Domestic Disturbance?) Newton is a bit more of an unknown quantity, but as soon as Tillie dawns the red leather jacket, you know that she can use her newly found homicidal attitude to get some revenge on those who have been terrible to her.

In some ways, the comedy aspects of Freaky win out over the horror but no horror fan will be disappointed by the amount of gory kills and how well the laughs emerge from a decent horror flick. Freaky seems like the kind of movie that Wes Craven would have loved.

I’m delighted to say that this week’s “Featured Flick” is Michael Angelo Covino and Kyle Marvin’s indie comedy THE CLIMB (Sony Pictures Classics), a movie that I have seen no less than three times this year, first when it was playing Sundance, a few months later when it was supposed to open in March… and then again last week! And you know what? I enjoyed it just as much every single time. It’s an amazing two-hander that stars Covino and Marvin as best friends Mike and Kyle, who have a falling out over the former sleeping with the latter’s fiancé, and it just gets funnier and funnier as the friends fight and Kyle gets engaged to Marisa (Gayle Rankin from GLOW) who hates Mike. Can this friendship possibly survive?

I really had no idea what to expect the first time I saw The Climb at the Sony Screening Room, but it was obviously going to be a very different movie for Sony Pictures Classics, who had started out the year with so many great films before theaters shut down. (Unfortunately, they may have waited too long on this one as theaters seem to be shutting down again even while NYC and L.A. have yet to reopen them. Still, I think this would be just as much fun in a drive-in.)

The movie starts with a long, extended scene of the two leads riding bikes on a steep mountain in France, talking to each other as Kyle (once the athlete of the duo) has fallen out of shape. During the conversation, Mike admits to having slept with Kyle’s fiancé Ava (Judith Godréche) and things turn hostile between the two. We then get the first big jump in time as we’re now at the funeral for Ava, who actually had been married to Mike. Kyle eventually moves on and begins a relationship with his high school sweetheart Marisa, who we meet at the Thanksgiving gathering for Kyle’s extended family. In both these cases, we see how the relationship between Mike and Kyle has changed/evolved as Mike has now fallen on hard times.

It's a little hard to explain why what’s essentially a “slice of life” movie can be so funny. On one hand, The Climb might be the type of movie we might see from Mike Leigh, but Covino and Marvin find a way to make everything funny and also quite eccentric in terms of how some of the segments begin and end.  Technically, it’s also an impressive feat with the number of amazing single shot sequences and how smooth some of the transitions work. It’s actually interesting to see when and how the filmmakers decide to return to the lives of their subjects – think of it a bit like Michael Apted’s “Up” series of docs but covering a lot shorter span in time.

Most importantly, The Climb has such a unique tone and feel to other indie dramedies we’ve seen, as the duo seem to be influenced more by European cinema than American indies. Personally, I think a better title for The Climb might have been “Frenemied,” but even with the movie’s fairly innocuous title, you will not forget the experience watching this entertaining film anytime soon.

Maybe this should be called “Netflix week,” because the streamer is releasing a number of high-profile movies into theaters and on the streaming service. Definitely one of the more anticipated movies of the year is David Fincher’s MANK, which will get a theatrical release this week and then stream on Netflix starting December 4.

It stars Gary Oldman as Herman Mankiewicz, the Hollywood screenwriter who has allowed himself to succumb to alcoholism but has been hired by Orson Welles (Tom Burke) to write his next movie, Citizen Kane, working with a personal secretary Rita Alexander (played by Lily Collins). His story is told through his interactions with media mogul William Hearst (Charles Dance) and relationship with actress and Hearst ingenue and mistress, Marion Davies (Amanda Seyfried).

It I were asked to pick one director who is my absolute favorite, Fincher would probably be in my top 5 because he’s had such an illustrious and varied career of movie styles, and Mank continues that tradition as Fincher pays tribute to old Hollywood and specifically the work of Orson Welles in every frame of this biopic that’s actually more about the troubled writer of Citizen Kane who was able to absorb everything happening in his own Hollywood circles and apply them to the script.

More than anything, Mank feels like a movie for people who love old Hollywood and inside Hollywood stories, and maybe even those who may already know about the making of Welles’ highly-regarded film might find a few new things to appreciate. I particularly enjoyed Mankiewicz’s relationships with the women around him, including his wife “Poor Sarah,” played by Tuppence Middleton, Collins’ Rita, and of course, Seyfried’s absolutely radiant performance as Davies.  Maybe I would have appreciated the line-up of known names and characters like studio head Louis B Mayer and others, if more of them had any sort of effect on the story and weren’t just

The film perfectly captures the dynamic of the time and place as Mank is frequently the only honest voice in a sea of brown nosers and yes-men. Maybe I would have enjoyed Oldman’s performance more if everything that comes out of Mankiewicz’s mouth wasn’t an all-too-clever quip.

The film really hits a high point after a friend of Mank’s commits suicide and how that adds to the writer’s woes about not being able to save him. The film’s last act involves Mank dealing with the repercussions after the word gets out that Citizen Kane is indeed about Hearst.

Overall, Mank is a movie that’s hard to really dig into, and like some of Fincher’s previous work, it tends to be devoid of emotion. Even Fincher’s decision to be clever by including cigarette burns to represent Mank’s “reels” – something explained by Brad Pitt in Fight Club – just drives home the point that Mank is deliberately Fincher’s most meta movie to date.

You can also read my technical/crafts review of Mank over at Below the Line.

Ron Howard’s adaptation of JD Vance’s bestselling memoir HILLBILLY ELEGY will be released by Netflix into theaters ahead of its streaming debut on November 24. It stars Amy Adams and Glenn Close, but in honesty, it’s about JD Vance, you know, the guy who wrote the memoir.  The film follows his younger years (as played by Owen Asztalos) while dealing with a dysfunctional white trash family in Middletown, Ohio, dealing with his headstrong Mamaw (Close) and abusive mother dealing with drug addiction (Adams).  Later in life, while studying at Yale (and played by Gabriel Basso), he has to return to his Ohio roots to deal with his mother’s growing addiction that forces him to come to terms with his past.

I’m a bit of a Ron Howard stan – some might even say “an apologist” – and there’s no denying that Hillbilly Elegy puts him the closest to A Beautiful Mind territory than he’s been in quite some time. That doesn’t mean that this movie is perfect, nor that I would consider it one of his better movies, though. I went into the movie not knowing a thing about JD Vance or his memoir but after the first reviews came out, I was a little shocked how many of them immediately went political, because there’s absolutely nothing resembling politics in the film.

It is essentially an adaptation of a memoir, dealing with JD Vance’s childhood but then also the past that led his mother and grandmother down the paths that made his family so dysfunctional. I particularly enjoyed the relationship between the older Vance and his future wife Usha (as played by Freida Pinto) earlier in their relationship as they’re both going to Yale and Vance is trying to move past his family history to succeed in the realm of law.

It might be a no-brainer why Adams and Close are being given so much of the attention for their performances. They are two of the best. Close is particularly amusing as the cantankerous Mamaw, who veers between cussing and crying, but also has some great scenes both with Adams and the younger Vance. The amazing special make-up FX used to change her appearance often makes you forget you’re watching Close. I wish I could say the same for Adams, who gives such an overwrought and over-the-top performance that it’s very hard to feel much emotionally for her character as she goes down a seemingly endless vortex of drug addiction. It’s a performance that leads to some absolute craziness. (It’s also odd seeing Adams in basically the Christian Bale role in The Fighter, although Basso should get more credit about what he brings out in their scenes together.)

Hillbilly Elegy does have a number of duller moments, and I’m not quite sure anyone not already a fan of Vance’s book would really have much interest in these characters. I certainly have had issues with movies about people some may consider “Southern White Trash,” but it’s something I’ve worked on myself to overcome. It’s actually quite respectable for a movie to try to show characters outside the normal circles of those who tend to write reviews, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the movie might be able to connect with people in rural areas that rarely get to see themselves on screen.

Hillbilly Elegy has its issues, but it feels like a successful adaptation of a novel that may have been difficult to keep an audience invested in with all its flashbacks and jumps in time.

Netflix is also streaming the Italian drama THE LIFE AHEAD, directed by Edoardo Ponti, starring Oscar-winning actress Sophia Loren, who happens to also be the filmmaker’s mother. She plays Madame Rosa, a Holocaust survivor in Italy who takes a stubborn young street kid named Momo (Ibrahima Gueye), much to both their chagrin.

I’ll be shocked if Italy doesn’t submit Ponti’s film as their choice for the Oscar’s International Film category, because it has all of the elements that would appeal to Oscar voters. In that sense, I also found it to be quite traditional and formulaic.  Loren is quite amazing, as to be expected, and I was just as impressed with young Ibrahima Gueye who seems to be able to hold his own in what’s apparently his first movie. There’s others in the cast that also add to the experience including a trans hooker named Lola, but it’s really the relationship between the two main characters that keeps you invested in the movie. I only wish I didn’t spend much of the movie feeling like I knew exactly where it’s going in terms of Rosa doing something to save the young boy and giving him a chance at a good life.

I hate to be cynical, but at times, this is so by the books, as if Ponti watched every Oscar movie and made one that had all the right elements to appeal to Oscar voters and wokesters alike. That aside, it does such a good job tugging at heartstrings that you might forgive how obviously formulaic it is.

Netflix is also premiering the fourth season of The Crown this week, starring Olivia Colman as Queen Elizabeth and bringing on board Gillian Anderson as Margaret Thatcher, Emma Corin, Helena Bonham Carter, Tobis Menzies, Marion Bailey and Charles Dancer. Quite a week for the streamer, indeed.

Another movie that may be in the conversation for Awards season is AMMONITE (NEON), the new film from Francis Lee (God’s Own Country), a drama set in 1840s England where Kate Winslet plays Mary Anning, a fossil hunter,  tasked to look after melancholic young bride, Charlotte Murcheson (Saoirse Ronan), sent to the sea to get better only for them to get into a far more intimate relationship.

I had been looking forward to this film, having heard almost unanimous raves from out of Toronto a few months back. Maybe my expectations were too high, because while this is a well-made film with two strong actors, it’s also rather dreary and not something I necessarily would watch for pleasure. The comparisons to last year’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire (also released by NEON) are so spot-on that it’s almost impossible to watch this movie without knowing exactly where it’s going from the very minute that the two main characters meet.

Winslet isn’t bad in another glammed-down role where she can be particularly cantankerous, but knowing that the film would eventually take a sapphic turn made it somewhat predictable. Ronan seems to be playing her first outright adult role ever, and it’s a little strange to see her all grown-up after playing a teenager in so many movies.

The movie is just so contained to the one setting right up until the last 20 minutes when it actually lives the Lyme setting and lets us see the world outside Mary’s secluded lifestyle.  As much as I wanted to love Ammonite, it just comes off as so obvious and predictable – and certainly not helped by coming out so soon after Portrait of a Lady. There’s also something about Ammonite that just feels so drab and dreary and not something I’d necessarily need to sit through a second time.

The animated film WOLFWALKERS (GKIds) is the latest from Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart, directors of the Oscar-nominated Secret of the Kells (Moore’s Song of the Sea also received an Oscar nomination a few years later.) It’s about a young Irish girl named Robyn (voiced Honor Kneafsey) who is learning to be hunter from her father (voiced by Sean Bean) to help him wipe out the last wolf pack. Roby then meets another girl (voiced by Eva Whittaker) who is part of a tribe rumored to transform into wolves by night.

I have to be honest that by the time I got around to start watching this, I was really burnt out and not in any mood to watch what I considered to look like a kiddie movie. It looks nice, but I’m sure I’d be able to enjoy it more in a different head (like watching first thing on a Saturday morning).

Regardless, Wolfwalkers will be in theaters nationwide this Friday and over the weekend via Fathom Events as well as get full theatrical runs at drive-ins sponsored by the Landmark, Angelika and L.A.’s Vineland before it debuts on Apple TV+ on December 11. Maybe I’ll write a proper review for that column. You can get tickets for the Fathom Events at  WolfwalkersMovie.com.

Next up is Miles Joris-Peyrafitte’s DREAMLAND (Paramount), starring Margot Robbie as Allison Wells, a bank-robbing criminal on the loose who encounters young man named Eugene Evans (Finn Cole) in rural Dust Bowl era North Dakota and convinces him to hide her and help her escape the authorities by taking her to Mexico.

Another movie where I wasn’t expecting much, more due to the generic title and genre than anything else, but it’s a pretty basic story of a young man in a small town who dreams of leaving and also glamorizes the crime stories he read in pulps. Because of the Great Depression in the late ’20, the crime wave was spreading out across the land and affecting everyone, even in more remote locations like the one at the center of Dreamland.

The sad truth is that there have been so many better movies about this era, including Warren Beatty’s Bonnie and Clyde, Lawless and many others. Because of that, this might not be bad but it’s definitely trying to follow movies that leave quite a long shadow. The innocent relationship between Eugene and Allison does add another level to the typical gangster story, but maybe that isn’t enough for Dreamland to really get past the fact that the romantic part of their relationship isn’t particularly believable.

As much as this might have been fine as a two-hander, you two have Travis Fimmel as Eugene’s stepfather and another generic white guy in Garrett Hedlund playing Allison’s Clyde Barrow-like partner in crime in the flashbacks. Cole has enough trouble keeping on pace with Robbie but then you have Fimmel, who was just grossly miscast. The film’s score ended up being so overpowering and annoying I wasn’t even remotely surprised when I saw that Joris-Peyrafitte is credited with co-writing the film’s score.

Dreamland is fine, though it really needed to have a stronger and more original vision to stand out. It’s another classic case of an actor being far better than the material she’s been given. This is being given a very limited theatrical release before being on digital next Tuesday.

This might have been Netflix week, but maybe it could have been “Saban Films Week,” since the distributor also has three new movies. Actually, only two, because I screwed up, and I missed the fact that André Øvredal’s MORTAL was released by Saban Films LAST week. Not entirely my fault because for some reason, I had it opening this week, and I only realized that I was wrong last Wednesday. Oh, well.  It stars Nate Wolff as Eric Bergeland, an American in Norway who seems to have some enigmatic powers, but after killing a young lad, he ends up on the lam with federal agent Christine (Iben Akerlie from Victoria).

This is another movie I really wanted to like since I’ve been such a fan of Øvredal from back to his movie Trollhunter. Certainly the idea of him taking a dark look at superpowers through the lends of Norse mythology should be right up my alley. Even so, this darker and more serious take on superpowers – while it might be something relatively unique and new in movies – it’s something anyone who has read comics has seen many times before and often quite better.

Wolff’s character is deliberately kept a mystery about where he comes from, and all we know is that he survived a fire at his farm, and we watched him kill a young man that’s part of a group of young bullies.  From there, it kind of turns into a procedural as the authorities and Akerlie’s character tries to find out where Eric came from and got his powers. It’s not necessarily a slow or talkie movie, because there are some impressive set pieces for sure, but it definitely feels more like Autopsy of Jane Doe than Trollhunters. Maybe my biggest is that this is a relatively drab and lifeless performance by Wolff, who I’ve seen be better in other films.

Despite my issues, it doesn’t lessen my feelings about Øvredal as a filmmaker, because there’s good music and use of visual FX -- no surprise if you’ve seen Trollhunters -- but there’s still a really bad underlying feeling that you’re watching a lower budget version of an “X-Men” movie, and not necessarily one of the better ones.  Despite a decent (and kinda crazy) ending, Mortal never really pays off, and it’s such a slog to get to that ending that people might feel slightly underwhelmed.

Seth Savoy’s ECHO BOOMERS (Saban Films) is a crime thriller based on a “true story if you believe in such things,” starring Patrick Schwarzenegger as Lance, a young art major, who falls in with a group of youths who break into rich people’s homes and trash them, also stealing some of the more valuable items for their leader Mel (Michael Shannon).

There’s a lot about Echo Boomers that’s going to feel familiar if you’ve seen Sofia Coppola’s The Bling Ring or the heist movie American Animals from a few years back, but even with those similarities, Seth Savoy has a strong cast and vision to make more out of the fairly weak writing than another director might manage. Schwarzenegger, who seems to be pulling in quite a wide range of roles for basically being another generic white actor is only part of a decent ensemble that includes Alex Pettyfer as the group’s ersatz alpha male Ellis and Hayley Law (also great in the recent Spontaneous) as his girlfriend Allie, the only girl taking part in the heists and destruction. Those three actors alone are great, but then you add Shannon just doing typically fantastic work as more of a catalyst than an antagonist.

You can probably expect there will be some dissension in the ranks, especially when the group’s “Fagan” Mel puts Lance in charge of keeping them in line and Allie forms a friendship with Lance. What holds the movie back is the decision to use a very traditional testimonial storytelling style where Lance and Allie narrate the story by relaying what happened to the authorities after their capture obviously. This doesn’t help take away from the general predictability of where the story goes either, because we’ve seen this type of thing going all the way back to The Usual Suspects.

While Echo Boomers might be fairly derivative of far better movies at times, it also has a strong directorial vision and a compelling story that makes up enough for that fact.

In theaters this Friday and then On Demand and Digital on November 24 is Eshom and Ian Nelms’ action-comedy FATMAN (Saban Films/Paramount), starring Mel Gibson as Santa Claus and Walton Goggins as the hired assassin sent to kill him by a spoiled rich boy named  Billy (Chance Hurstfield) who unhappy with the presents he’s being brought for Christmas.

While we seem to be surrounded by high concept movies of all shapes and sizes, you can’t get much more high concept than having Mel Gibson playing a tough and cantankerous* Kris Kringle (*Is this the week’s actual theme?) who is struggling to survive with Mrs. Klaus (played by the wonderful Marianne Jean-Baptiste from In Fabric) when they’re given the opportunity to produce military grade items for the army using his speedy elf workshop. Unbeknownst to the Kringles, the disgruntled hitman who also feels he’s been let down by Santa is on his way to the North Pole to fulfill his assignment.

You’ll probably know whether you’ll like this movie or not since its snarkier comedic tone is introduced almost from the very beginning. This is actually a pretty decent role for Gibson that really plays up to his strengths, and it’s a shame that there wasn’t more to it than just a fairly obvious action movie that leads to a shoot-out. I probably should have enjoyed Goggins more in a full-on villainous role but having been watching a lot of him on CBS’ The Unicorn, it’s kind of hard to adjust to him playing this kind of role.  I did absolutely love Marianne Jean-Baptiste and the warmth she brought to a relatively snarky movie.

I’m not sure if Fatman is the best showing of Eshom and Ian Nelms’ abilities as filmmakers, because they certainly have some, but any chance of being entertaining is tamped down by a feeling the filmmakers are constantly trying to play it safe. Because of this, Fatman has a few fun moments but a generally weak premise that never fully delivers. It would have thrived by being much crazier, but instead, it’s just far too mild.

Malin Åkerman stars in Paul Leyden’s CHICK FIGHT (Quiver Distribution) as Anna, a woman unhappy with her life and inability to survive on the little money she makes at her failing coffee shop. When Anna’s lesbian traffic cop friend Charleen (Dulcé Sloan) takes her to an underground fight club, Anna her trepidation about joining in, because she has never been in a fight in her life.  Learning that her mother has a legacy at the club, Anna agrees to be trained by Alec Baldwin’s always-drunk Murphy in order to take on the challenges of the likes of Bella Thorne’s Olivia.

Another movie where I’m not sure where to begin other than the fact that I’m not sure I’ve seen a movie trying so hard to be fun and funny and failing miserably at both. Listen, I generally love Akerman, and I’m always hoping for her to get stronger material to match her talents, but this tries its best to be edgy without ever really delivering on the most important thing for any comedy: Laughs.  Sure, the filmmakers try their best and even shoehorn a bit of romance for Anna in the form of the ring doctor played by Kevin Connolly from Entourage, but it does little to help distinguish the movie’s identity.

Listen, I’m not going to apologize for being a heterosexual male that finds Bella Thorne to be quite hot when she’s kicking ass in the ring. (I’m presuming that a lot of what we see in her scenes in the ring involves talented stuntwomen, but whoa! If that’s not the case.) Alec Baldwin seems to be in this movie merely as a favor to someone, possibly one of the producers, and when he disappears with no mention midway through the movie, you’re not particularly surprised. Another of trying too hard is having Anna’s father Ed (played by wrestler Kevin Nash) come out as gay and then use his every appearance to talk about his sex acts.  Others in the cast like Fortune Feimster seem to be there mainly for their bulk and believability as fighters.

Ultimately, Chick Fight is a fairly lame and bland girl power movie written, directed and mostly produced by men. I’m not sure why anyone might be expecting more from it than being a poorly-executed comedy lacking laughs.

And yet, that wasn’t the worst movie of the weekend. That would be Andrzej Bartkowiak’s DEAD RECKONING (Shout! Studios). Yes, the Polish cinematographer and filmmaker who once made the amazing Romeo is Bleeding, starring Gary Oldman and Lena Olin, has returned with a movie with the onus of a premise that reads “a thriller inspired by the Boston Marathon bombing in 2013.” No, I did not make that up. It mostly takes place in Nantucket, Massachusetts, which I guess is sort of close to Boston, but instead it focuses on the relationship between teens Niko (K.J. Apa) and Tillie (India Eisley), the latter whose parents died in a plane crash that might have been caused by a terrorist. It just so happens that Niko’s brother Marco (Scott Adkins) is an Albanian terrorist. Coincidence? I think not!

Once you get past the most generic title ever, Dead Reckoning is just plain awful. I probably should have known what to expect when the movie opens with Eric “Never Turned Down a Job” Roberts, but also, I strong feel that Scott Adkins, better known for his martial arts skills, is easily one of the worst actors ever to be given lines to say in a movie. And yet, somehow, there are even worse actors in this movie. How is that even possible?

Although this presumed action movie opens with one of three or four fight sequences, we’re soon hanging out on the beach with a bunch of annoying teenagers, including Tillie, who is drowning the sorrow of recently losing her parents by literally drinking constantly in almost every single scene. When she meets the handsome Eastern European Niko, we think there’s some chance of Tillie being saved, but it isn’t meant to be.

Part of what’s so weird is that Dead Reckoning begins in territory familiar to fans of Barkowiak’s movies like Exit Wounds, Cradle 2 the Grave and Maximum Impact but then quickly shifts gears to a soppy teen romance. It’s weird enough to throw you off when at a certain point, it returns to the main plot, which involves Adkins’ terrorist plot and the search by FBI Agent Cantrell (played by James Remar) to find the culprit who killed Tillie’s parents. Oh, the FBI agent is also Tillie’s godfather. Of course, he is.

Beyond the fact that I spent much of the movie wondering what these teens in Nantucket have to do with the opening scene or the overall premise, this is a movie that anything that could be resembling talent or skill in Barkowiak’s filmmaking is long gone. Going past the horrendous writing – at one point, the exasperated and quite xenophobic Cantrell exclaims, “It’s been a nightmare since 9/11... who knows what's next?” -- or the inability of much of the cast to make it seem like anyone involved cares about making a good movie, the film is strangled by a score that wants to remind you it’s a thriller even as you watch people having fun on the beach on a sunny day.

Eventually, it does get back to the action with a fight between Cantrell and Marco… and then Marco gets into a fight with Tillie’s nice aunt nurse Jennifer where she has a surprisingly amount of fighting skills. There’s also Nico’s best friend who is either British or gay or both, but he spends every one of his scenes acting so pretentious and annoying, you kind of hope he’ll be blown up by terrorists. Sadly, you have to wait until the last act before the surfboards are pulled out.  (Incidentally, filmmakers, please don’t call a character in your movie “Marco,” especially if that character’s name is going to be yelled out repeatedly, because it will just lead to someone in the audience to yell out “Polo!” This is Uwe Boll School of Bad Filmmaking 101!)

The point is that the movie is just all over the place yet in a place that’s even remotely watchable. There even was a point when Tillie was watching the video of her parents dying in a car crash for the third or fourth time, and I just started laughing, since it’s such a slipshod scene.

It’s very likely that Dead Reckoning will claim the honor of being the worst movie I’ve seen this year. Really, the only way to have any fun watching this disaster is to play a drinking game where you take a drink every time Eisley’s character takes a drink. Or better yet, just bail on the movie and hit the bottle, because I’m sure whoever funded this piece of crap is.

Opening at New York’s Film Forum on Wednesday is Manfred Kirchheimer’s FREE TIME (Grasshopper/Cinema Conservancy), another wonderful doc from one of the kings of old school cinema verité documentary filmmaking, consisting of footage of New York City from 1960 that’s pieced together with a wonderful jazz score. Let me tell you that Kirschheimer’s work is very relaxing to watch and Free Time is no exception. Plus the hour-long movie will premiere in Film Forum’s Virtual Cinema, accompanied by Rudy Burckhardt’s 1953 film Under the Brooklyn Bridge which captures Brooklyn in the ‘50s.

Also opening in Film Forum’s Virtual Cinema Friday is Hong Khaou’s MONSOON (Strand Releasing) starring Henry Golding (Crazy Rich Asians) as Kit, who returns to Ho Chi Minh City for the first time since his family fled after the Vietnam War when he was six. As he tries to make sense of it, he ends in a romance with Parker Sawyers’ American ex-pat and forms a friendship with a local student (Molly Harris). Unfortunately, I didn’t have the chance to watch this one before finishing up this column but hope to catch soon, because I do like Golding as an actor.

I shared my thoughts on Werner Herzog and Clive Oppenheimer’s FIREBALL: VISITORS FROM DARK WORLDS, when it played at TIFF in September, but this weekend, it will debut on Apple TV+.  It’s another interesting and educational science doc from Herr Herzog, this time teaming with the younger Cambridge geoscientist and “volcanologist” to look at the evidence left behind by meteors that have arrived within the earth’s atmosphere, including the races that worship the falling space objects.

Opening at the Metrograph this week (or rather on its website) is Shalini Kantayya’s documentary CODED BIAS, about the widespread bias in facial recognition and the algorithms that affect us all, which debuted Weds night and will be available on a PPV basis and will be available through November 17. The French New Wave anthology Six In Paris will also be available as a ticketed movie ($8 for members/$12 for non-members) through April 13. Starting Thursday as part of the Metrograph’s “Live Screenings” is Steven Fischler and Joel Sucher’s Free Voice of Labor: The Jewish Anarchists from 1980. Fischler’s earlier doc Frame Up! The imprisonment of Martin Sostre from 1974 will also be available through Thursday night.

Sadly, there are just way too many movies out this week, and some of the ones I just wasn’t able to get to include:

Dating Amber (Samuel Goldwyn) The Giant (Vertical) I Am Greta (Hulu) Dirty God (Dark Star Pictures) Where She Lies (Gravitas Ventures) Maybe Next Year (Wavelength Productions) Come Away (Relativity) Habitual (National Amusements) The Ride (Roadside Attractions, Forest, ESX) Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey (Netflix) Transference: A Love Story (1091) Sasquatch Among the Wildmen (Uncork’d) All Joking Aside (Quiver Distribution) Secret Zoo (MPI Medi Group/Capelight Pictures)

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, I think you’re very special and quite good-looking. Feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: This isn’t a rom-com (Keanu x OFC) 3/?

Author’s notes: once again, thank you for the feedback on previous chapters. Onto chapter 3.

Wordcount: 2845

Warnings: fluff and oblivious idiots.

Part 1  Part 2  Part 4   Part 5

Lilah bit her thumb as she stared at her phone until Keanu’s name and message on the screen became blurry. She should be reviewing her paper so she could send it to her advisor. Instead, here she was, ignoring her laptop in favor of rereading his text for the tenth time:

I’m glad you like it and I want to know what you thought of it. Coffee today? I’ll be done at five. K.

Lilah didn’t know why she was getting so caught up on it. What else she expected after letting him know she finished reading his book? After all, Keanu had said he would like to get some coffee and talk about it when she was done with it.

And Lilah wanted to do it; she wanted to talk books with him. She wanted to talk about anything with him because he was so nice and cool and funny. But also, he was freaking Keanu Reeves. She was brought back from her musings by a hand snatching her cellphone away before Jean plopped on the chair in front of her.

“You’ve been staring at your phone for the last five minutes,” she said, glancing at the screen, her lips twitching into a smirk. “Ha! I knew he wanted in your pants!”

“One: don’t be crass,” Lilah complained, taking her phone back. “Two: it’s not like that. It’s just coffee.”

Lilah could see that Jean was about to argue, as usual. So, she just sent the other woman a warning look, because this wasn’t up to debate. If Lilah accepted his invitation, she couldn’t think of it as a date.

For one, she was in her final year of grad school. There was a lot at stake and Lilah couldn’t afford distractions. Not even one as amazing as Keanu Reeves. And besides, it would be crazy to think he was even interested. Not that Lilah thought she wasn’t hopeless or anything like that. She did pretty well dating-wise.

She was just being realistic. Keanu probably had people throwing themselves at him all the time and she sure as hell wasn’t going to be one of those people. Despite her stupid no-filter mouth best attempts of making it look otherwise.

“Ok, but you’re gonna go, right? For “just coffee”?” Jean asked, eyebrows raised and Lilah could actually hear the air quotes over the words just coffee.

“Yeah,” Lilah agreed, unlocking her phone screen and typing a quick reply. Her heart did a small acrobatic flip in her chest as she hit send. “There. Done.”

Jean’s face opened into a satisfied, victorious smirk and Lilah couldn’t help but chuckle at her friend.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” Lilah asked, setting her phone aside and closing her laptop lid. Because who was she kidding? She wasn’t going to get any work done before heading to class. Might as well stop pretending.

“Can’t I just drop by and say hi to my favorite person?” Jean’s smile was wide and bright and so innocent. Lilah didn’t buy it for a second.

“Alright, spill. What do you want?” Lilah asked with an eye-roll.

“Ok,” Jean started with a sigh. “Novelsy isn’t doing all that well financially and if I don’t find a way to attract more customers, I’m gonna have to close doors by the end of the year.”

“Shit!”

Worry settled on the pit of her stomach like lead, because Lilah loved Novelsy. The bookstore was initially owned by Jean’s aunt, but once the older woman passed away, Jean took over, much to her parents’ horror, since they expected her to handle the multimillion family business.

Lilah knew Novelsy started as a way of Jean rebelling against her parents, but it became her pride and dream. The last thing Lilah wanted was to see it closed, but at the same time, Lilah could only imagine how hard must it be for a small place like this to compete with chain stores and internet commerce.

“Any ideas that don’t involve me begging my parents for money?” Jean asked.

“We could start building the store’s media presence? Like a blog, social media, that sort of thing?” Lilah suggested with a shrug. “You’re the one with an MBA.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too,” Jean drummed her nails on the wooden surface of the table. “I guess I can dust off my camera, working on a few pictures, but we’re gonna need some quality content to go along with them…”

“Ah. Ambush,” Lilah joked, narrowing her eyes at Jean, who just gave her a sheepish smile. “You already considered all that and you’re just buttering me up to ask me to write for it, right?”

“Well, you are always going on and on about everything you read and watch. I just thought…” Jean shrugged, before giving Lilah a look that could only be considered puppy dog eyes. “I know you have a lot of stuff going on, but could you? Please? Just like a weekly thing would be enough.”

“Yeah, sure,” she agreed with an indulgent smile. It wasn’t like she would ever be able to deny Jean anything. “Just give some deadlines so I can fit it in my schedule.”

“Perfect! Thank you!” Jean declared, throwing her arms around Lilah for an awkward hug over the table. “You’re the best, Lih.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she rolled her eyes and started to pack her things. “You still need some short term action, you know? Because social media takes time to build.”

“I know and I decided to get some stage so we could have some bands and poetry soirées, you know, all that artsy crap.” Lilah laughed at Jean’s eye-roll, but couldn’t deny it was a good idea.

“Plus, Halloween is coming. You could host a costume contest,” she suggested standing up and shouldering her satchel bag.

“You’re just looking for an excuse to dress up,” Jean teased with a smile. She wasn’t exactly wrong on that assessment.

“Ok. Gotta go! Bye, hon!” She pressed a quick peck on Jean’s cheek.

“One last thing,” Jean called before Lilah moved too far. “You should totally wear that cute green tartan print dress for your date!”

Lilah just rolled her eyes at Jean’s smirking face and took off, because sometimes, arguing with Jean was the most pointless thing.

She stopped by their apartment above the bookstore long enough to put away the stuff she wouldn’t need for class. And after another moment of deliberation, she exchanged her jeans and t-shirt for the dress, pairing it with dark leggings, a black cardigan, and her favorite scarf. Just because it wasn’t a date, didn’t mean Lilah couldn’t look nice.  

She grabbed her bag, Keanu’s book and after a moment of deliberation, Lilah reached on her bookshelf and picked up one of her books. He had lent her one of his. It would be only fair to return the favor, right?

Lilah put on her headphones and hurried off since and she was already dangerously close to missing her train. Fortunately, the subway station was only a couple of blocks away from Novelsy and Lilah always enjoyed the walk. It gave her a chance of enjoying the city had fallen in love with and had been calling home for the last six years.

It had been the best decision of her life to move away from Florida for grad school. Not only it gave Lilah the freedom of being her own person away from her family, but there was also just something magical about New York that she hadn’t found anywhere else. Then again, Lilah barely ever traveled. She had lived most of her life in Florida and could barely remember her home country anymore.

It was one of the things Lilah wanted the most for her life. To travel the world, visit all the places books and movies had shown her. She always wondered what would be like to work with something that could take you all over the world. It must really be amazing.

After teaching her class, Lilah headed to the psychology Ph.D. offices to concentrate on her paper instead of daydreaming about traveling the world or her not-a-date with Keanu. She managed to do all the alterations her advisor suggested and added a new analysis based on an article she read last week, before sending it to her.

Once she finally left NYU, Lilah fidgeted all the way to Central Park, unable to suppress her nerves, even if she kept mentally chanting to herself that this wasn’t a date. When Lilah stepped out the station and found Keanu was waiting for her on the sidewalk, her heart felt like it was trying to bust out of her chest

He looked so handsome in jeans, a grey tee with a motorcycle company logo and a dark leather jacket. He was holding two cups in a carry tray and waving her over with the other. So as Lilah crossed the street, she willed her heart to slow down, because she could barely breathe as she walked up to him.

“Hi!” he greeted her with a bright smile. “I’m glad you could make it in such short notice.”

“It’s fine. My night was free,” Lilah replied, smiling too. It was technically true, but she was supposed to be writing her dissertation.

“I didn’t know how you took your coffee, so I just got it black and brought everything else aside,” Keanu said, handing her one of the cups before pulled out from his pocket packs of sugar, sweetener, and cream.

That was so thoughtful of him that Lilah couldn’t bring herself to admit that she didn’t drink American coffee. Not even Novelsy. Instead, she took one of the cups and dumped cream and sugar in it and took a sip.

“Thank you,” she said covering her grimace, by turning to the park. “Shall we?”

“Sure,” Keanu nodded as they started on the path. “So, tell me your thoughts on the book.”

As they walked, Lilah told him about how she felt with Neruda’s poetry, a big grin playing on her lips. She always thought fall was the best season to take a walk in Central Park. The foliage had faded from their usual green in warm hues of orange, red and purple, making them look straight out of a painting. And under the late afternoon sun, everything sort of had a soft yellowish glow, as if they had been set on fire.

As she spoke, Lilah kept sneaking a few glances at Keanu, always finding him watching her with a thoughtful expression that quickly shifted into a smile whenever he caught her looking.

When they reached the fountain, Keanu led them away from the rest of the visitors and tourists snapping pictures. Lilah wondered if he noticed a few of them snapping photos of him. Fortunately, no one came over to bother them. She wouldn’t know how to react if they had.

Keanu stopped by this huge oak tree and handed Lilah his cup so he could spread his jacket on the ground, before plopping on it and gesturing her to take a seat. She chuckled and followed, handing back the wrong cup.

“You barely touched it,” he pointed out with an arched eyebrow, looking more amused than offended. “You could’ve just told me you didn’t like coffee.”

“I like coffee,” she replied with a sheepish smile. “But that’s not coffee, that American chafé.”

“Sorry, what?” he asked with a confused frown.

“Chafé,” Lilah repeated chuckling at how adorable he looked mouthing out the word. “It just means it watered down and it tastes more like tea than actual coffee.”

“Ahhh, so you’re a coffee snob,” Keanu teased, making Lilah laugh.

“No!” she shoved him playfully on the shoulder, feeling solid muscle under her hand. “Just used to it been brewed differently. My father always says that there are two things you should never argue about with Latinos: telenovela and coffee.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Keanu chuckled, leaning back on his elbows.

“Seriously, I’ll brew it for you sometime and you’ll see.”

The offer escaped her lips before she could even register it and Lilah wanted to kick herself. Why couldn’t she actually pay attention to what she was saying?

“I’ll hold you to it,” he said with a small smile as he watched her. “And I thought I caught a hint of an accent.”

“Really?” she smiled wide at him. “You got a great ear. Most people don’t notice. I’ve moved here when I was three. My stepdad’s American.”

Lilah told him a little bit about her family, mostly just silly stories of her brother, which he reciprocated with stories about his sisters. It was nice and comfortable and time seemed to fly by. Every once in a while, Lilah caught herself staring at him, admiring how the setting sun behind Keanu gave him an almost supernatural glow or how his smile lit up his face and his brown eyes danced with mirth as he recalled some of his teenage shenanigans.

“What?” he asked, bumping his foot again hers.

“Nothing,” Lilah replied with a small smile, lowering her eyes.  

Keanu bumped his foot against hers again and she sneaked a glance his way with a frown, wondering if that was an accident. But then he did it again. And again. Was he playing footsie? She gave him a soft kick in retaliation and Keanu grinned, trapping her foot between his ankles. Lilah laughed, shaking her head.

“You’re such a dork, oh my God!” she commented with a grin, and he chuckled.

“Got you to smile, did I?” he replied with a grin of his own and once again Lilah’s chest felt like was about to burst like several butterflies were trapped inside and trying to scape.

They stayed like that talking and laughing together until the sun set completely and the temperature dropped. Lilah kept rubbing her hands together to keep them warm since she had forgotten her gloves. It helped some, but there wasn’t much she could do about her legs. Her leggings were a flimsy barrier against the cold.

“Do you want to take off?” Keanu offered as he sat up, rubbing his hands together and covering hers, offering his own warmth.

Lilah realized how big his hands were compared to hers. As a matter of fact, Keanu was a very big guy. Not only he was tall, but his broad shoulders and strong frame made him look kind of imposing, but in a good way. She realized he could probably pick her up on his arms very easily and that made her swallow hard and her breath pick up speed.

“No, it’s fine,” Lilah managed to reply after a moment.

She wasn’t ready for this thing to be over just yet, but a gush of wind blew past them again and she couldn’t suppress a shudder, earning a knowing look from Keanu.

“Ok, yes.”

Keanu helped her up and they started to make their way back. Moving usually helped to warm her up a little, but they were walking against the wind and Lilah was shivering.

“Do you want my jacket?” Keanu asked when he noticed.

“Won’t you be cold?” Lilah wondered and Keanu snorted, already unzipping it.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” He held it up so she could put it on.

“Thanks,” she replied, pulling it closer around herself since it was still warm from his body. And if she sneaked a few sniffs at the collar, no one needed to know.

Keanu walked her all the way to the subway station where he had been waiting for her. Lilah handed the jacket back to him and watched as he shrugged on.

“I had fun,” he said with a smile. “I’ve been so focused on this movie, hadn’t been able to go out and just talked about anything except work, so thank you.”

“I know the feeling.” Lilah smiled too and pulled out from her bag his book along with her copy of Life as it is and handing both to him.

“You lent me one, so I thought…” she explained when Keanu gave her a confused look.

“What is it about?” he asked, checking out the blurb on the back cover.

“It’s a collection of short stories, written in the fifties. Rodrigues was really acidic and insightful so they’re really fun,” she said. “If you want to give it a go... we could hang out again and talk about it?” Lilah offered hesitantly.

“Sure,” Keanu replied with a frown and Lilah winced. Did she push too far?

“We don’t have to…” she hurried to say. A second ago Keanu was all smiles and now he almost looked disappointed.

“No, I want to,” he said. “Really.”

“Ok then,” she replied sighing. It wasn’t like she could just grab the book from his hand and run away. “So, give me a call when you’re done?”

“I will. Goodnight.”

After a moment of hesitation, Lilah nodded and headed home, wondering all the way what just happened.

tbc

Go to Part 4

Taglist (give me a shout if you want to added or if you want to be removed)

@poisonedjoinery @ringa-starr @curly-minnie @i-cant-remember-my-old-login

@caryled @beyond-antares @kathorax @krazycags01 @meetmeinthematinee

@red-pill-blue-pill @baphometwolf666 @soarocks @imagine-the-fanfics @moonlit-raven-haven @cumberbatchbaps @coolbreezeinkeanureeves

[dcarevu]

Batman Adventures: Joker’s Late-Night Lunacy

Batman Adventures #3 Robin: No Writer: Kelley Puckett Penciler: Ty Templeton Inker: Rick Burchett Colorist: Rick Taylor Letterer: Tim Harkins Editor: Scott Peterson Date: December, 1992

So if y’all remember, the last two issues featured Penguin and Catwoman each doing a favor for the Joker in exchange for basically nothing other than a fun idea as a way to kill some time. This is the issue where we see what it is amounting to, and after seeing so much of Batman TAS, it’s nothing to get excited over. We’ve seen the Joker hack the airwaves several times just like he does here, so the stuff involving Penguin and Selina’s help seems like wasted buildup. Where the issue’s strength lies is in how brutal the Joker is. He has his scary moments in the show all the time, sure, but first panel of the comic, he ambushes Commissioner Gordon in his own office, waving around a gun. It only shoots tranquilizers, but Joker saves the real damage for later, when he can broadcast it all over the city.

After Gordon passes out, the comic shifts focus to a hostage-situation on top of a rooftop. It doesn’t really relate to the Joker story, but it does give a reason for Batman to be at the right place and the right time to catch Joker’s show. It also serves as a glimpse into Batman’s nightly patrol. What’s pretty crazy is that it appears that the hostage is the thug’s girlfriend, and once Batman leaves, she says, “How dare you point that thing at me.” You can tell that she’s rightfully pissed. He assures her that it was all an act, but goes to hit her several panels later when she accuses him of murder. Batman returns before contact is made, but you don’t see too many scenes like this in the cartoon. I love how when Batman swings away, she just goes, “Bye.” Like she’s thrilled that maybe her boyfriend was taught a lesson.

Next, Batman passes by an electronics store, and sees on the screens that the Joker has Gordon all tied up. Not only that, but he starts beating the poor man with a baseball bat and promises to bring more the following night. Jesus! The actually slugs are not shown, but you see the public’s and Batman’s reactions. The people of Gotham have their eyes wide and their mouths wider. Batman just stares in silence. After the beating, the Joker is visibly sweating, and he has to comb his hair back into place. Even though it’s left up to our imagination, we get a pretty clear picture in our heads of what the wood-to-bone connections were like. Wasn’t this comic for kids?

Batman gets a hunch of who Joker will like nab next, and so he pays a little visit to…Harvey Dent! Who…is using the Bat-Signal. Oh. Okay. Well, here’s the first real continuity error of the series, and this is what I’ve been so excited to research and talk about (continuity stuff in general, not this specific case)! So let’s talk about it! Harvey Dent should not be able to use the Signal, because it made its first appearance way after Harvey should have become Two-Face. This is true whether you go by production-order or airing-order. So to make this work, you’d have to rearrange the episodes a bit and mess with the timeline. Some fans are into this, I’m not really. But, this is a minor detail, and to me, it’s not enough to label the entire issue as non-canon. We can retcon the signal, and pretend it was never there, and that works for me. Anyway, Harvey Dent and Batman figure out a plan, and also Bullock is there being a useless obstacle as he so often is. I wish I read this before the Two-Face episode, it’s more Dent character development, and therefore, more sad to watch him eventually crumble.

On the next page, the Joker and his men break into Dent’s home, but the Joker thinks that it’s going way too smoothly, and that Batman is sure to show up. And just like that, he does, but is shot with the tranquilizer and knocked out. This surprised me when I read it. Batman and Dent discussed their plan, and then it immediately failed. Well, so I thought. That night, when Joker is broadcasting his new victims, Dent and Batman, he tells Gotham that it’s time to unmask the passed-out Dark Knight for everyone to see. But when Joker takes Batman’s mask off, we see that it is actually Harvey Dent. The one whom Joker thought was Dent is revealed to be Batman in disguise and… You guys know I hate this kind of plot-point, right? But here it’s even worse. We see “Batman” very clearly during these panels, and it’s so obvious that it’s just not a drawing of Harvey. Their jawlines are completely different, and hell, I refuse to believe that Joker wouldn’t notice that. Disguises should not follow Scooby Too logic in Batman. I feel like it’s a cheat, and way too hard for me to believe. That is why, though, Batman and Dent were so easy to capture in the prior scene. They wanted to be captured. Batman had to let himself get beaten up as Harvey, and Harvey as Batman actually stood up to the thugs pretty well! But he’s a big guy, and I wouldn’t ever wanna mess with him. From here there is a little bit of a chase scene which takes us to a boat on the ocean (which features some really awesome nighttime drawings), but Joker ultimately gets away. The colors in this scene rock with the sky being black and the water being a bluish-green. At the very ending we get a really cool drawing of Batman treading in the salt water, and the moon glowing behind him.

The Joker drawings all looked really nice too, and even when he was off-model, it seemed to be off-model in an okay way. The same design, but elongated, or overly-expressive. He’s basically the same blend of scary and funny that  we get in his best episodes, but amped up a little bit, showing more of his serious side. We see a lot of him without any kind of smile on his face. A lot of times I feel like DCAU-drawings have a hard time with Joker’s face when his mouth is closed. Here it wasn’t an issue at all. Related to that, I kept thinking about how tough it must be to consistently capture the magic of someone else’s art-style, in this case, Bruce Timm’s. Especially since you must so often get creative with the angles and draw them in positions and actions that we just never happen to see on the tv show. There’s no frame of reference for it! A little artistic skill that I think should be considered and praised more.

Continuity status: Issues exist. Next time: Riot Act

[acupofmatt-blog1]

MATT VS. NATURE

Location→ Hither Hills State Park

Date→ 08/23/19-08/25/19

Summary→ …pray for Mattycakes.

MATT VS. MOSQUITOES (AND BUGS JUST BEING VERY, VERY SCARY)

Matt always went by the motto “if you got it, flaunt it” and Matt applied this motto anytime, anywhere. Even camping. So Matt obviously wore a black sports bra and black shorts. It was sporty and Matt looked as fuck. Now, Reagan and several others advised Matt before they went hiking to “cover up” and Matt only rolled her eyes and responded with: 

           “With a body this good? She’s gonna be shown off.” Pause. “Wait are you telling me that my perfectly sculpted abs are gonna attract attention? Like…furry attention—wait I worded that wrong—like…bears?”

           Matt couldn’t be more wrong. As everyone enjoyed the hike and all the wonderful sights of nature, you could hear loud smacking every few seconds.

           “What the FUCK why do these mosquitoes keep biting me?” Matt whined as she smacked the back of her neck. “I WORE bug spray, look!” Matt showed the person next to her the bug spray.

           Much to Matt’s dismay, it was not bug spray. It was bear spray that Matt applied generously all over her body.

           Wrong B.

           Matt smacked her arm, watching bumpy, red mosquito bites forming all over arms and on her abdomen.

           “This is not the kind of sucking I signed up for.”

           The rest of the hike, Matt mostly smacked away mosquitoes and also made obnoxiously loud noises that trembled with fear. Because WHY do animals with a billion tiny legs exist???

~ ~ ~ ~

MATT VS. THE SETTING SPRAY FAILURE

           Make-up was, and always has been, Matt’s best friend. Contour? Matt looked like some motherfucker from Roman times chiseled her face by the time she was done baking and enhancing with her Anastasia contour kit. Highlight? Matt competed with the motherfucking sun as she applied her Fenty highlight. Brows? Move over Michelangelo (not the Ninja Turtle) because Matt’s talented wrist never failed to move effortlessly and create an impeccably shaped eyebrow all thanks to her Anastasia brow kit (she really loved Anastasia beauty products, okay? As much as Fenty, if not more. Don’t tell Rihanna that though).

           Basically, Matt knew make-up like it was basic math. It was easy. She always knew what to use. So when Matt ordered Kiko Molano setting spray? She knew she’d be fine. Matt’s always used the Italian beauty product. It never failed her. Her gorgeous make up always stayed on no matter the setting. Beach day? Check. Clubbing? Check. ACup? Check. Sex? Double check.

           Matt sweating didn’t freak Matt out. She could sweat all she wanted, this make up would stay on no matter what. Matt was particularly proud of her winged eyeliner. If this motherfucking eyeliner could fly, it would be a majestic eagle because that’s how SHARP it was. Could kill someone, probably.

           After helping some of her friends who were making a fire bring the necessary items to make a bonfire, Matt was definitely sweating a bit. Matt placed her hands on her face and paused to take a breath from all the work. Matt was about to go back to her bonfire duties when she noticed something shimmery, something dark, and something cakey in her hands.

           NO.

           Matt let out the loudest scream, causing some of her friends to rush over to her in worry.

           “My SETTING SPRAY didn’t SET!” Matt informed them, showing her hands that displayed the evidence of her smeared make up. “It’s KIKO MOLANO. It’s an Italian product and all the reviews say it stays. Shit, Reagan has sat on my face and it STAYS ON. I don’t get it—hey, wait, where are you guys going?”

           Damn this Italian scam.

~ ~ ~ ~

MATT VS. FINDING WIFI

Instagram. Memes. Vines. Tik Toks. Reddit. Snapchat. Pinterest. Netflix. Hulu.  Matt Solís loved her social media and apps. It fueled her. So to go three days with limited Wi-Fi where her ego couldn’t be fueled by thirsty comments from her hot selfies? Or to see that crying laughing emoji from someone who thought she was the funniest person on the planet (and she was)? What if a new meme trends and Matt won’t know about it?

A nightmare luv, litrally a nightmare.

So naturally, Matt made sure to dedicate time to sorta catching up with social media and asking Harper to take pictures of her “enjoying” nature for the ‘gram. Matt especially liked one where it was golden hour and Matt’s make up + amazing skin made her face glow and she looked absolutely stunning as always.

She needed that ego fuel. CRAVED IT.

Matt needed to post this picture on Instagram, so she walked around looking like she was part of the Lion King with her arm stretched out as high as she could in search of some bars.

“This is the shittiest Wi-Fi I have ever had to deal with, what the fuck?” Matt complained as she continued to idly walk around in search of the perfect spot with the perfect amount of Wi-Fi where she can post something.

Five minutes into this heartfelt journey, Matt tripped on a thick, heavy branch and cracked her phone screen. Never mind that she might’ve slightly sprained her ankle. Her phone screen.

And the worst part? Amidst her bright, cracked screen she read the words “No Signal Please Try Again.”

Now how will people ever believe she was loving this camping trip?

A tragedy luv, litrally a tragedy.

~ ~ ~ ~

MATT VS. “BEAR”

           Matt’s nightly skincare routine is something Matt did religiously. She never missed a night. Matt could be coming in from clubbing at 6 am and super drunk, but Matt would still do her skincare routine. A bitch wants to have clear skin and glow, okay? Camping would not get in the way of that, even if she hogged the bathroom.

           After finishing her nightly routine with her night cream, Matt took her time putting all her creams, serums, moisturizers, etc. back in her travelling bag before walking back outside. As soon as Matt closed the door, Matt heard a rustling.

           “GUYS, it’s not fucking funny anymore! I already heard you, anyways, dumbass.” Matt rolled her eyes. Almost everyone had taken turns in scaring her multiple times during the course of this camping trip due to Matt’s irrational fear of bears, but this was getting old.

           Matt continued to hear rustling and Matt stopped dead in her tracks. Whoever it was... would’ve jumped out by now.

           Fuck.

           Shit.

           Motherfucker.

           No fucking way.

           Nope. It was not what she was thinking.

           “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” Matt mumbled to herself. What should she do? Pray? Run? Sleep in the bathroom?

           Coming out of the bushes, Matt could see the silhouette of a four-legged animal.

           It was a bear.

           It had to be.

           What else could it fucking be?

           “I can’t die like this. I’m too fucking pretty.” Matt said to herself in panic as she scrambled through her bag and took out the bear spray she brought and frantically sprayed it all over. “GET AWAY. GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. I JUST PUT MY NIGHT CREAM ON!”

           Several mistakes here.  

Matt was loud.

Matt was panicking.

 Matt wasn’t spraying bear spray.

It was bug spray.

It wasn’t a bear.

It was a raccoon.

The racoon ran as soon as she screamed.

Matt is an idiot.

[flarebossmalva]

the catghost post, pt. 1 [intro saga]

i said i was gonna talk about catghost, and then it turned into attempting to explain catghost by summarizing it, and then it turned into multiple posts because there’s a lot of material to cover and i want to do a thorough job. watch the intro saga first because this is a good series and you should check it out for yourself before listening to me ramble about it!

CWs for part 1: murder, images of dead bodies / skeletal remains, other disturbing imagery (including a couple jumpscares), one image depicting animal death (it’s near the very end of the post)

Alright, I’m posting with decent grammar so you know it’s serious. If you’re just here looking for a brief overview of the series, here’s my crack at it: CatGhost is a multimedia ARG comprised primarily of YouTube videos and accompanying minigames. It’s ongoing, and I plan to update this post as the series itself updates. On the surface, the videos resemble other YouTube cartoons, following the tried-and-true formula of two characters comically tormenting a third; however, something else is clearly going on below the surface, and it quickly becomes clear that these three are tied together by very dark circumstances. Much of what’s really going on is still unclear, but enough has been revealed that I can talk about it without constantly resorting to pure guesswork.

This is part one, covering the Intro Saga (first three videos and their associated games). Like I said, I wanted to be thorough and if I didn’t split it up into separate posts this would get way too long. It’s already too long.

CatGhost 1, “Birthday,” opens with flames filling the screen, then a ripple effect playing over the title card, which I mention because that’s gonna make a whole lot more sense in a minute. We then see our main cast, Elon (cat), Naarah (ghost), and Gideon (hedgehog). Gideon is asleep and the girls are making fun of him. From their dynamic, it seems Naarah’s pretty young and Elon is sort of a big sister figure to her, which means they’re probably close in age. Gideon is 48; today is allegedly his birthday, though he seems unaware until the girls tell him so. Gideon seems generally confused about whatever’s going on and just wants to go back to sleep, but the girls want to take him out to someplace called “Party Country,” and eventually they end up threatening to curse him if he doesn’t comply. The threat seems pretty real as the girls’ voices turn demonic and their eyes glow. Gideon gives in, though it’s unclear if he even realized he was in any danger. 

Next scene, Gideon is presented with his birthday cake, which is... pretty wonky-looking, to put it gently. Pecking order for the trio gets further established when Naarah intimidates Gideon into saying the cake she made looks fine and seconds later Elon comments that the cake isn’t very good. Naarah defends herself and says that it’s hard to bake a cake without hands, to which Elon sympathizes and says that her paws aren’t much good either. Naarah says “I miss having a body.” The girls were human once, and seem to remember it clearly. Gideon, on the other hand, interjects saying he has no idea what they’re talking about. Whatever circumstances have bound these three together, Gideon seems to be the only one with no awareness of what’s going on.

Party Country turns out to be an arcade cabinet. Gideon is encouraged to play, but he seems completely apathetic about the game (Gideon seems completely apathetic about most things) and dialogue implies he may not even know what a video game is. Naarah calls Gideon “Dad” at one point while she and Elon bully him into playing, a detail which could lead one to guess a major twist way in advance but which I actually never noticed until just now. Gideon gives in and starts playing, declaring that the game (which we can’t see yet) is actually pretty fun, but the girls continue to tell him to play as if they can’t see that he’s already complying. We then cut to the game, which I’ll talk about more below, but suffice it to say that unless your definition of “fun” is all about talking to fucked-up skeleton ladies in some haunted woods, this is not a fun game:

Afterwards, Gideon wakes and assumes he dreamed the whole thing until he sees the ugly birthday cake Naarah baked. He waves goodbye to the viewer, breaking the fourth wall; an odd thing for a character who shows so little awareness of his surroundings to do.

The game associated with this episode is the same game shown in the episode itself. It’s pretty simple; you play as Gideon and can move left or right through a gloomy-looking pixelated forest. There are two NPCs and a small number of objects to be interacted with, all of which can appear randomly. For now, we’ll focus on the two NPCs. Both are skeletons, and both wear simple dresses of the type peasant girls might wear; one is tinted red, the other tinted blue, with the blue skeleton being notably smaller. When interacted with, the red skeleton will say “It burns! I can’t feel my skin,” or “Trapped like a fly in a jar,” or “I have taken on my new form.” The blue skeleton will say “It’s cold here, I can’t breathe,” or “I have to save him, he waited for me,” or “She lured me into this place.” Is the fire/water motif from the episode’s opening starting to seem relevant? Oh, and there’s more. One game object is a sort of upright stone with a hole cut into it near the top; I’ll be calling this object “Key” as that’s how it identifies itself. Key can be interacted with by typing questions, to which it will give an appropriate answer based on words/phrases it recognizes (like Tool in Petscop, incidentally). If we ask Key certain questions about our main cast, we can learn a lot about the story.

Ask “Who is Elon,” and Key tells you, “Temptress.” Asking the same question about Naarah returns “Proselyte,” while Gideon is “Judge.” If you ask what happened to any of the main cast, you’re told “Vanished.” However, asking for death dates yields results; Elon and Naarah both died in 1650, while Gideon died in 1672. Ask where each of the main three are, and you learn Elon is “In a jar,” Naarah is “Immersed,” and Gideon is “In a dark place.” Given all that, I think we can put the basic setting together:

Elon, Naarah, and Gideon were all human once. They lived during the seventeenth century in what is now the northeastern United States. Naarah must have been a preteen or young teen at the time of her death; Elon was likely a young adult in her late teens when she died, and the pair met their respective fates at or around the same time. Gideon lived into his late forties before dying, which speaks to a life of relative comfort for the time and place, befitting a judge. The animosity between the girls and Gideon seems pretty clear: Gideon sentenced both of them to death for witchcraft. Elon, represented in-game by the red skeleton, was burned at the stake, and her ashes were subsequently stored in a jar. Naarah was drowned by being tied to a chair and immersed in a large body of water (this was a common execution method for suspected witches, and the presence of a chair hanging from a rope in the game supports this); her remains are still underwater. Gideon was most likely given a traditional burial after he passed away of, most likely, natural causes. The wrinkle is that Gideon seems to have been right — Elon and Naarah are witches. Elon (the Temptress) taught Naarah (the Proselyte) the craft. Now all three appear to be stuck in the world of the show, which I guess is some sort of weird limbo, and only Elon and Naarah know what’s going on or who they used to be, probably because they are witches. 

We can also take some more guesses at what might be going on based off the interactions the main cast have with each other. For instance, Elon’s the leader of the group and generally takes charge, but it’s clear that at least some of that confidence is an act and she doesn’t really seem to be pulling the strings here. The two have plenty of reasons to hate Gideon and could easily use their magic to put him through hell, but instead they don’t go beyond pushing him around and making fun of him — Naarah even bakes him a cake, which she complains about the difficulty of doing. This could imply the three have been trapped in the afterlife with each other ever since dying and the girls have finally gotten tired of exacting less petty revenge. It could also mean that deep down they’re fond of Gideon and don’t really want him to come to harm, which is a strange relationship to have with the man who ordered your torture and execution. Later videos will shed further light on the dynamics between the three, but for now we’ll leave it at that.

One more thing before I move on — asking Key any question containing the word “murder” will trigger a jumpscare. Initially, this was of what appears to be Naarah’s corpse, but it’s since been changed (we’ll talk about that change later). Here’s the original jumpscare showing Naarah:

CatGhost 2, “Knock,” is more straightforward and thus will take me less time to summarize, thank god. Elon and Naarah are telling knock knock jokes. Gideon completely fails to understand the joke, and possibly completely fails to understand the concept of jokes, and the girls get so pissed they put some sort of curse on him and he winds up locked in a dungeon-like room. The door bears a large ornamental mail slot that looks like some sort of gargoyle’s face, with the slot as its mouth. Gideon is instructed to write a knock knock joke that’s actually funny and slide it through the door if he wants to be released. His first attempt is rejected (it doesn’t even have a punchline) and so Gideon tries to think of another. Cut to the words “2 years later” and Gideon’s still trying to write a funny knock knock joke — this series isn’t above the typical cartoon tropes and I love it. He finally comes up with one (Knock knock / Who’s there / Anita / Anita who / Anita get through this door!) and triumphantly slides it into the mail slot, which then grows larger until it takes up nearly the entire door, the “mouth” gaping wide. Gideon stares at it and is seemingly hypnotized. Disturbing images tinted blue and red flash across the screen, before the camera pulls back and Gideon is shown still in a trancelike state as the girls look at him, confused. Naarah says he’s been staring at that door a while, and she and Elon seem mildly concerned, but decide poking him with a stick would be more fun than helping him. Credits roll.

For this episode, much of the worldbuilding is in the form of freeze-frame bonuses and background details, meaning you have to pay close attention to catch everything. When Gideon is teleported to the cell, images flash onscreen showing an inverted cross and the word “EXCRUCIATE,” all tinted red (the color generally associated with Elon), as well as what appear to be human bones and a girl’s face, tinted blue (the color associated with Naarah). In the cell with Gideon is a skeleton, though he seems not to take notice. One wall reads “Wild Partes of the World,” which is a complex reference I won’t attempt to explain in full (the phrase has been quoted and quoted again across multiple books) but in context within the rest of the story refers to early seventeenth-century Virginia, which must be where our main trio lived as humans. Text is shown written in the Theban alphabet, a substitution cipher based on the Latin alphabet and generally associated with witches and occultists. When Gideon is hypnotized by the door, he sees a judge’s podium, a jar (presumably the one containing Elon’s ashes), and a hanging chair (as was used to execute Naarah). Images of graves are shown, inverted and flipped upside down, along with a similarly distorted picture of a row of houses. During the end credits, the background appears to be lava with yellow flashes moving across it; putting all these yellow flashes together results in this image:

Audio during the intro, when reversed, is of a voice saying “I don’t know. I don’t know where it’s at. I think they’ve been looking for it for a long time, but… sometimes it seems like we’re just never going to find it.”

The accompanying minigame features the door from Gideon’s cell, complete with its ornamental mail slot (browsing the wiki, because of course there’s a wiki and of course that’s how I’m getting images for this post as well as checking for stuff I missed, it seems fans call this the “Horrible Beast door”). The door can be interacted with by knocking on it using tap code; if the right words are input, the game will display a corresponding image.

“Megalith” produces an image of Key, the stone you can question in the previous minigame:

“Libation” shows Gideon’s unfortunate-looking birthday cake:

“Trinity” shows the shadows of three people, what appears to be a man and two girls, most likely our main trio:

“Excruciate” shows what is presumably the stake used during Elon’s execution:

“Proselyte” shows what must be Naarah’s skeleton, along with the chair she was bound to, laying at the bottom of a body of water:

CatGhost 3, “Window,” opens by showing that same body of water, although there is no sign of the chair or of Naarah’s remains. We then cut to an outhouse in the show’s typical animated style. Elon is inside, preening, when a noise outside startles her. She checks and discovers a small hand mirror, with Theban writing on it reading “For Elon,” though the text is mirrored and upside down. Elon seems confused and flips the mirror open, whereupon she sees a black-and-white image of a mysterious woman, her face completely in shadow save for her glowing white eyes. When the woman raises her head and makes eye contact with Elon, the cat gets so spooked she drops the mirror and flees. Elon runs back inside, entering via the Horrible Beast door, and is greeted by Naarah, who’s acting suspiciously and asks if Elon saw anything interesting outside. When she’s asked point blank if she’s the one who left the mirror there, Naarah denies it and blames Gideon, and even though it seems obvious that she’s lying, Elon doesn’t question her further. She confronts Gideon, who is chopping wood and seems enthusiastic for once, and tells him — I’m only paraphrasing slightly here — not to use witchcraft to fuck with a witch, or else [colorful threat omitted for brevity’s sake]. At the end of this rant, she briefly shapeshifts into some sort of demonic chimera, with a snakelike body, horns, and quite a lot of teeth. Gideon, who as usual has no idea what she’s on about, is suitably terrified.

Elon, back to her regular form, goes back inside and picks up what appears to be a crayon drawing of a blue girl hugging a taller red girl, accompanied by Theban that reads “From: Naarah, To: bestest best friend.” We can presume Naarah is the blue girl and Elon is the red girl, of course, but of interest is the small form next to the house in the background. It looks like it could be a dog, and, given later events, it almost certainly is a dog.

The drawing had been resting on a large object covered with a cloth, and Elon, curious, pulls the cloth free. Underneath are three mirrors, angled so they all face towards her, and the strange woman from earlier (some fans call her “the Watcher,” which I’ll go with for now) is reflected in each one. Elon is frozen in place as the three Watchers advance towards her, and she begins to cry. The Watcher points a finger (from here on there seems to be only one of her, not three) and Elon begins levitating as the background glitches out. She’s tugged towards the Watcher, and when the outstretched finger touches her forehead, the screen goes white.

Then we’re back to the pixel graphics from the first minigame, in the same dark woods as before, but Elon and Naarah aren’t skeletons — they’re living girls. Elon is pale, with long red hair and blue eyes; Naarah is quite a bit smaller, with brown skin and dark blue-tinged hair in pigtails. Interestingly, Elon wears a blue dress and Naarah’s dress is red, despite their typical color associations. Elon stands over a crying Naarah, her expression sullen. After a few seconds, the credits roll.

This time, the “minigame” just shows a static image of a mirror. Well, almost static — the clock resting on the dresser below the mirror moves in real time, matching the time set on the player’s computer. At exactly three AM system time, the Watcher appears in the mirror, which is then overtaken by static, and the scene changes to Elon and Naarah as we saw them during the end of the last video. Initially, it seems to be the same as before, with Elon standing over Naarah as she cries, but this time there’s dialogue. Here, have a transcript I stole from the wiki because it was easier than typing it up again myself:

After this, the mirror becomes static once more; if you wait three minutes, this image displays for a single frame before the game closes:

So, yeah, I think it’s safe to say that’s a dog in Naarah’s drawing. This also seems to explain why she’s crying in the scene we just saw. Why the dog was killed (sacrificed on an alter, looks like) is a mystery I’ll tackle when we cover the later sagas.

Also, in the interest of equality, this time it’s Elon who jumpscares you if you type “murder.” Typing doesn’t do anything else in this game, though.

That concludes the Intro Saga! This post is already really long and I’m not going to bother giving closing thoughts at this point especially considering the series is still ongoing. Stay tuned for the next installment, coming whenever I get around to it!