#so it's less focused on saving the whole wide world and instead focuses on them getting a movement started

[ruvviks]

slowly but surely working on revamping an original story and it's coming together so nicely

[buckyalpine]

Just a fluffy little thought. A grumpy, moody, broody Bucky, moping and grumbling through the compound with a scowl on his face. He was restless and annoyed the whole jet ride home. He tosses his bags off to the side, throwing off his tactical gear without a care in the world and Sam and Nat are utterly baffled because the mission was a complete success. Bucky's plan worked perfectly, his strategies were what got them in and out, he'd even saved a group of civilians that were unexpected.

Why was he grumpier than usual?

Because something is not right.

Everyone gathers for dinner and he barely takes a bite. He's shifting his food around his a fork before getting up and sitting on the couch instead with his arms across his chest and shoulders tensed. No one breathes a word, letting him storm to himself. Except you. You'd noticed Bucky's less than pleasant attitude but it doesn't scare you and you felt bad seeing him sitting by himself clearly stewing over something.

Maybe you had a crush on the soldier too. Maybe.

"Hey" You give him a soft smile as you take a seat beside him, still giving him space, "You okay?"

He gives you a shrug in response but that was normal with Bucky. You'd check in again and if he still didn't want to talk, you'd leave him alone.

"What's wrong"

Usually his standard answer of telling people to fuck off was easy but not with you. Never with you. Not when you turn him into a pile of mush and fluff. Bucky's grumpy face turns more into a pout as he contemplates telling you what's been making him so mad.

"My tummy hurts" he mumbles and you have to hold every fiber of your body together to keep from melting into a puddle because he could have said he felt unwell. Stomach pain. Stomach ache.Felt sick. Felt off. He could have said absolutely any other variation of what he was feeling but no.

The poor, grumpy, angry soldier was huffy and puffy because of a tummy ache.

"I'm sorry bub" you coo, not even realizing what you'd called him,"What would make you feel better?" You ask but Bucky doesn't actually know the answer. When he usually felt queasy he'd just grit it out until it went away.

"When I was little, my ma would make me some soup" He wasn't sure if it actually cured anything but he remembered it always being the yummiest thing he'd tasted and the one thing that made him feel all better. "But that was for when I had a cold"

"What about for tummy aches" You asked, noting the way the soldiers cheeks turned pink, his fingers fidgeting with each other. Of course he knew what his ma would do for his little achy belly but it's not like you could help...

"Um, sometimes she'd tuck me in bed and then.."

"Then?" You cock your head in curiosity while Bucky's voice dies on his tongue.

"Then she'd rub my tummy till I went to sleep" He rushes out with a small voice while keeping his eyes trained on his hands. His eyes grow wide at the giggle you let out, worried he'd made a complete idiot of himself, what were you to do with that information, it's not like you'd-

"C'mere" You take his hand gently in yours, gauging his reaction before moving him to lay his head on your lap. Bucky's stomach is now a mess of butterflies and whatever was upsetting him, his muscles melting into Jello as soon as you'd touched him. "Is this okay?" Your hand rests closer to his hip than right on his stomach and Bucky is barely able to squeak out a yes along with a quick nod.

You hum, moving your hand to rub soft circles around his tummy, his firm muscles under making you giddy on the inside. You recollect your nerves, focused on soothing motions, your other hand moving to play with Bucky's hair. You card your fingers through his short chestnut locks, smiling at the way he closes his eyes, his breathing starting to slow, muscles releasing their tenison.

"Better?" You whisper, giggling to yourself at the deep purr he made in response, relaxing with your gentle ministrations. He rolls over, smushing his face against your stomach, far too relaxed to care. The soft snores that follow after let you know the remedy certainly worked. As soon as you move your hand away, he blindly reaches out, placing it right back where it belongs and going back to sleep immediately after, tummy ache all gone, flutterly little butterflies replacing them. He's already dreaming of all the ways he could return the favour.

Isn't he an absolute precious baby.

So cute.

Bonus scene:

Of course the team gawk at what they see; the grumpy soldier now happy as a clam on your lap.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Bucky's tummy hurts" You reply with a smile and honestly the answer sends everyone into chaos.

"Awww Buckyyyy"

"So that's why he was so grumpy. Should've known when he kept pouting everytime we had turbulence"

"AWWWW The winter soldier as a widdle tummy ache?" Sam coos, only to silence his cackles when Bucky's eyes shoot open, staring daggers at him. "Don't give me that look when you're curled up on y/n's lap like a cat"

"Does rubbing it help ya feel all better-oh fuck"

Bucky's glare sends everyone scrambling right out, the empty room leaving him all content again.

Yes.

Rubbing his tummy made him feel all better.

[helpmeimblorboing]

More worldbuilding about my story (Crimson Redux) - the Manifestations

So, remember how my world had three gods -Dysthymia, god of psychological aspects, Dysphoria, god of visceral existence, and Alexithymia, god of emotions and indulgences ?

Well, while the gods themselves are sequestered away in a border-reality (though they can be brought into our reality via the spilling of Host-blood and a very specific ritual), they can express themselves into our world in three ways - those being Hosts, Manifestations, and Artifacts

A Host occurs when a god decides to show itself through a human being, essentially creating a human to act as a pseudo-vessel of its will, like an extraneous limb. Generally, these Hosts tend to have their own free will, which may or may not clash with the god’s (though most of the gods don’t really have their own will, save for Dysthymia). These Hosts have authority over all powers of the gods, though they tend to specialise in singular aspects, if only because it is downright impossible for a human body to bear the full brunt of divinity

An Artifact occurs when a crack in reality appears, usually centered around an OOP, an Object of Power. These Artifacts generally tend to lack their own will (save for Dysthymia’s, which can express Dysthymia’s will through itself) and generally grant their wearer immense power, though with a catch. They can also be used to greatly amplify a Host’s strength, along with the strength of the divine bond

A Manifestation, which is what we’ll be focusing on today, is when a god presents itself in a manner deemed bestial or creature-like. More animal, less human. Generally, these beasts are linked only tangentially to their gods, and, with the exception of Paris, Dysthymia’s Manifestation, tend to be extremely obedient to the Hosts

The Manifestations include :

Circe, the Manifestation of Alexithymia : this Manifestation appears in large water bodies as a vast spider-crab-looking creature, with its back and eyes poking out of the surface of the water, even as its immense legs stretch all the way to the bed of whatever body of water it appears in. Notably, its back is disguised almost perfectly as a lush, rocky-looking island, its eyes acting as two glittering seashells on the island’s sandy “beach”.

It feeds by drawing power from Alexithymia’s Desire aspect, as once its victim is within a certain range, it can create an image of whatever they desire on its rocky, islandlike back, in an attempt to lure them in. Should they not fall for it, however, it also has the ability to, as a last resort, project these images directly into the victim’s mind

Then, when they start sailing closer to the island, whether it be out of curiosity or because they’ve fallen into Circe’s trap, its crab like head, set at the end of trunklike stalk, snaps out, swordblade mandibles closing around the victim’s vessel and swallowing them whole

Paris, the Manifestation of Dysthymia : This creature hides itself in forests, its seven stalklike necks the perfect girth to be disguised as tree trunks

Appearing as a strange creature with pale-silver, clammy skin, it has the abdomen of a giant spider, holding itself up on thirteen sharp-edged legs that are easily disguised as yet more tree trunks. However, instead of a thorax, from its end protrude seven stalklike necks, each one topped with a giant bald human head, eyes wide and white, mouths stretched into painful-looking rictus grins

It feeds by luring people into its forests, usually by producing an entrancing tune by rubbing the coarse skin of its necks against its abdomen. Once a - preferably human - victim has been lured close enough, one of its heads snaps out and devours it

Now comes the real twist. Drawing power from the Shapeshifter aspect of Dysthymia, the head that devoured the human can now detach from the main body and transform into a near-perfect replica of said human (it can’t be actually perfect, because, according to the rules of the world, only a human can transform into a perfect human). It now usually goes back to that person’s home and attempts to integrate itself into their family, eventually luring them all out to be eaten by Paris. Seven such forms can exist at one time

Scylla, the Manifestation of Dysphoria - This creatures dwells in oceans, its vast, serpentine form too big to be held by any lesser type of water body

It is described as so big it cannot be seen at once, its grey-blue scales blending perfectly in with the murky oceanwater it calls home. In addition to its vast coils, it also bears a hundred heads, twenty of them sprouting, traditionally, from the end of its undulating body, though the other eighty are scattered across its form, jutting erratically out from random parts of its vast coils. Its eyes are described as “larger in diameter than a small dinghy” and its teeth look like “forests of sharp, silver blades”. A constant storm of seawater pours from its black, forked tongues, even when it’s not in the sea

Notably, its powers are more brutish than its fellows. It’s connection to Dysphoria’s The Deep aspect grants it macrohydrokinesis, the ability to move, summon and shape vast quantities of water, in any form, up to and including cloud formations and glaciers

Comment if you wanna hear about the Hosts and the Artifacts !!

[ritunn]

5 TTRPGs to Try in 2024

In 2023, I wrote up a short post pitching 5 TTRPGs I think folks should give a look at over the year in light of WotC's controversy. WotC has yet to do something on the scale of what happened last year again, but I think it's fun to tell people about the cool Indie TTRPGs I've been reading since then. So, here are 5 MORE TTRPGs you should read in 2024.

1. Lancer

Do you like mecha? Well, Indie darling, Lancer, has you covered! A highly tactical TTRPG that makes use of a hex-grid for combat and even has its own online character builder, Lancer has you play as well... lancers! Professional mech pilots who are called in when the going gets tough. There is an insane level of customization in Lancer for your mech, being able to use parts from 4 different manufacturers each with their own pros and cons, and then mix and match them together to create your ideal fighting style based on your choice of frame, weapons, and systems! The RP doesn't fall behind either, with the trigger system allowing one choose a variety of phrases that give you a bonus on skill checks when it applies, while outside of mech combat. The dice system itself is also quite simple, with a majority of checks being a d20 against a difficulty level of 10 with some modifications based on the situation. If none of this convinces you however, just check out the vibrant community for the game here on Tumblr and the terrifying ransom note style memes.

2. Ryuutama

Last year, I highlighted Fabula Ultima, but a lot of that game was influenced by other games, primarily D&D 4e and Ryuutama. The latter of which it gets some of its mechanics from! Coming straight from Japan, in Ryuutama you take on the role of a traveler venturing out into a vibrant medieval world straight out of a Ghibli film, your adventure helping the growth of the seasonal dragons who made the world. It's a game that emphasizes travel, exploration, and preparation with a simple class system. One could really call it the Oregon Trail of TTRPGs! Except with less dysentery and more dragons and Dragon Quest influence. The dice system is identical to Fabula Ultima, your stats being assigned a die and rolling those for checks. However, something that stands out is the Ryujin system, which has the GM make a character as well! The GM's Ryujin can be carried over multiple games and grows as the parties they challenge and protect accomplish more. Honestly, a great game of choice for a forever GM! Just like Fabula Ultima as well, the whole group helps build the world, so everyone gets to add a little something.

3. Mausritter

Mausritter is an OSR style game that has you play a mice on an adventure in our own wide world! There they contend with other animal threats and dungeons composed of buildings in the countryside. Doing away with classes, inventory management takes center stage in Mausritter, your items expanding what you're capable of in the absence of class specific abilities. Spells themselves are even items, each with their own set of charges that make them a valuable but limited resource. Other than this however, the system emphasizes hexploration and provides plenty of tools for GMs to make an adventure just as grand for the mice as any other. The dice system is also d20 based, but focuses on a roll under your stat style instead of meeting difficulty classes, with d6s and d8s used for other rolls like damage and stat generation. Though, you'll mostly be rolling those d20s for saves as your attacks always hit! Attacks first taking away from your HP, then your Strength stat when you're hit by the enemy. If the latter gets too low, that's game over for you, but getting your Dexterity and Willpower reduced can be just as detrimental for more than just saves.

4. Corvid Court

In the city of the Nest, you're members of a cult of assassins called the Corvid Court. Are you actual birds or just bird-themed cultists? That's up to you. Either way, Corvid Court is a very short TTRPG that has you carrying out assassination missions for the cult against others who are often just as terrible of people as you are. With 5 corvid themed classes to pick from, each with their own unique capabilities to benefit the party for taking out targets, like the murderous Crow and the talkative Jay, you'll need to be clever or incredibly violent if you want to take down your targets. However, don't expect to be around for a long time. The system is a d6 dice pool system where the best result you roll determines the outcome, most of them coming with the consequence of stress for one of your stats. Accumulate too much and you'll quickly fall into a downward spiral and have to deal with the fallout... or perhaps just die. No one ever said this was an easy life.

5. Quest

Quest's goal is to be approachable and inclusive, the best option for someone's first foray into TTRPGs, and in that it very much succeeds. A high fantasy TTRPG, Quest simplifies the formula while still keeping it interesting and deep by cutting out modifiers and grid based combat and simply having you roll 1d20 with the outcome depending on the roll. 11 - 20 being a success, 1 - 10 being failure, each with their own degrees of such however. Combat itself being based on distances. Damage is also just a simple number, no need for another die to roll after that. Other than this, there is a wide selection of classes to choose from that pull from your typical themes with the Ranger, Fighter, and Wizard with newer ideas too like the reality bending Magician! Each class has different subclass tracks of which you can invest into each as little or much as you want. Characters then get a pool of ability points they can spend to activate their most powerful abilities, with standard features being free. Overall, however, Quest shines in being a casual TTRPG that doesn't require tons of rules expertise and rewards creative thinking and use of abilities. It's free too! So, if you got someone you want to introduce to the hobby, don't bother with D&D 5e, grab Quest instead.

Conclusions

Got a TTRPG you love? Talk about it in the tags or a reblog! I'm always looking for new systems to check out and others are too, so do share. I hope you get to check these systems out though, each is loads of fun, that I can promise. Feel free to check out last year's suggestions here.

[sideprince]

This is a very nice comment to leave and I'm definitely being very normal about being seen (silently screaming).

I find it odd that Tom Riddle's name is so unknown in the wizarding world that Ron, who grew up in a wizarding family, is unfamiliar enough with it that it can be a plot point in CoS. Specifically, when Tom Riddle's name comes up Ron only remembers it because he polished a trophy with the name on it when he served detention. This implies that whatever is generally known about the first Wizarding War involving Voldemort, very little of it involves the roots of his rise to power. People don't seem to know who Voldemort is or was, only that he gained power and was frighteningly violent and ruthless. There doesn't seem to be any widely known background story on how Tom Riddle became this terrifying threat. (I don't consider the films canon, but one significant divergence from the text, in my opinion, is when at the beginning of HBP the film Dumbledore says, "Once there was a young man who, like you, sat in this very hall, walked this castle's corridors, slept under its roof. He seemed to all the world a student like any other. His name: Tom Riddle. Today, of course, he's known all over the world by another name." None of this is said anywhere in the books, in which Dumbledore only speaks about Voldemort to the school as a present threat. Again, I don't take the films as canon, but if I were to, then that speech would imply that this information needs to be shared with the students because they're unaware of who Tom Riddle was or is. And if we aren't taking the films as canon, then it's clear that there is no awareness of Riddle having been a student at the school, only of Voldemort, Riddle's adult and public self.)

A lot of meta has been written about the superficial parallels Rowling draws between the world of the HP books and allusions to 20th Century European, particularly British, history (@raptured-night talks about it in one of their responses to this post - the whole thing is worth a read but only part of it focuses on Rowling's interpretation of 20th century history). In her writing, Rowling often shows a basic understanding of historical events and their significance in terms of outcome, but less so in their more complex roots and historical implications. I reblogged a post recently where I pointed out that the neat way she wraps up the end of DH - the "innocent" prisoners are released from Azkaban, Kingsley Shacklebolt is named interim Minister, basically the wizarding world returns to what it was before Voldemort's takeover within hours of his death - is a fantasy scenario that has no basis in the end of war timelines that are all too real for those affected by them most. This is somewhat connected with current Holocaust education, for example, which in most curriculums discusses that particular genocide without the context of how Hitler rose to power, or the centuries upon centuries of Jewish expulsions and pogroms throughout Europe that made it possible, and even Holocaust curriculums rarely focus on how Roma people were targeted almost as much, and certainly as brutally, as Jewish people were. Instead, the narrative has become that Hitler was the bad guy and the Allies saved the day.

So I guess the parallel I'm drawing here (and would be interested to hear other people's views on) is that there's a similarity in the superficial way Rowling approaches representing 20th century history in the Harry Potter series and the superficial way those in the Wizarding World understand Voldemort's history. Both seem to boil down to, "there was violence and it was very bad. War = bad. Scary. Much trauma," without any context of how such tragedies were able to happen in the first place. Which makes sense, because a writer who makes parallels to WWII and post-war England without thinking it through thoroughly is also not going to write something into the culture she's inventing in her text that she's unable to connect with herself.

Parallels can be drawn between the way most people in the HP universe don't know that Voldemort's given name was Tom Riddle and how that reflects their culture's approach to history education and the way JK Rowling displays a cursory and reductive understanding of WWII in her writing, talk amongst yourselves.

[whatisreggieshortfor]

The Love Interest We Wanted.

Cherrygate ends your relationship for the second time. But your best mate is there to pick up your heart.

Tim x MC

Shout out to @justtuesdays for being amazing and sharing my passion to rant about this game and this sweetheart of a character that we wanted to love in every playthrough but couldn’t.

You weren’t sure how this came to happen.

Scratch that. You knew exactly how this came to happen. You’d already forgiven him once, after all.

After leaving Love Island with Mason, the two of you decided that it would be best to keep your own places for a while, get used to being together in the real world before trying to push your relationship that far.

A year after the show ended, you were planning to head over to his place one day, having signed on at the hospital for a double shift and your relief showed a couple hours early and offered to let you go home. When Mason wasn’t answering your texts, you admittedly grew a little worried. He’d given you a key as soon as you left the Villa, saying that just because you weren’t going to live together didn’t mean that you should have to wait for him to open a door, so you didn’t think to knock before you walked in.

If you had, it might’ve stung a little less.

Mason was on the couch, a topless Cherry in his lap as they made out passionately. The shock wore off quickly, they still hadn’t noticed you. You slipped your phone out and snapped a photo of the scene, before working the key off your ring and dropping it noisily on the counter.

The small clanging brought their attention to you, and Cherry immediately made a pitiful attempt to move and cover up, whisper yelling at him that he said you broke up, while Mason tried to say it wasn’t what it looked like, but you ignored him. You wordlessly walked through the apartment, gathering the few things you’d left there as he followed you like a puppy. By the time you made it to the door, he finally said something that made you want to slug him.

“Ya know, this wouldn’t’ve happened if ya weren’t so damn busy all the time! Makin’ me look like a mug in front of my mates.”

Your head snapped over to him, and you could hear Cherry gasp at him but you had a retort ready, “Busy? You mean because I work?? I save lives, Mason! All you do is sit around in your underwear for a camera and live off the days that your band used to be good!” He was gobsmacked, staring at you with wide eyes, but you weren’t done. “This isn’t the first time you’ve done this. But it’s the last you do it to me.” You pulled out your phone, pressing buttons before both of their phones dinged.

Love Island GC: Y/N sent an attachment.

You left before he could try to blame it on you again.

That was three months ago, and every day since your best friend had been there for you. Not physically, Tim was busy on a DJ tour, but he messaged you a million times a day. He had done a huge surprise birthday party for you last year, and Mason had had no idea when your birthday even was. Your mind whirled annoyingly with what Mason had been up to half a year ago when Jen and Tim split up, and you stayed with Tim for a whole week to make sure he was okay. He never really explained the break up to you, saying some vague things about how they both wanted different people than who they really were. It made sense to you, Jen tried to change what fundamentally made Tim himself, and the two of them stayed friends.

For the last week, Tim asked you every day if you’d checked your mail yet, and every time you said yes but that there was nothing exciting, he would change the subject. Today you finally learned why.

The envelope was a clash of bright colors that no one other than Tim would think was a good idea, and you felt a fondness squeeze your heart before you shoved it away. Tim was the one person you still felt so strongly for after your time on the show, you best friend. You weren’t going to let the idea that there could be more ruin what there was. You focused instead on the envelope as you leaned on your kitchen counter, carefully cutting it open to save the envelope that was so inherently Tim. What slid out had your brow furrowing, reading the words on it over and over again as you dialed his number and listened to the rings, “Yo! Did you-“

“Yes, Timye! I checked my mail! How could you not tell me??”

“Ayeee!” He cheered, and you couldn’t keep the grin off your face, “I wanted it to be a surprise! Am I gonna see you there?”

“Are you gonna see me? You think I’m missing your first headlining rap show?”

“Yes! That’s my girl! You’re coming to the after party with me, too! No getting out of it. I’m making-“

“Pineapple Shaddies?”

“Yeah! My signature drink!”

“From the bottom of my heart, I can’t wait, Tim.”

“I thought you said no heart jokes after what Levi said on day one?” You could hear the grin in his tone, the teasing. And you snorted at him.

“You are god awful. I’m hanging up now. Love you, Timye.”

“Love you, Y/N!”

The day of the show arrived unnervingly quick. You’d done double shifts at the hospital for weeks to ensure you could enjoy the night to the fullest, and properly nurse the Pineapple Shaddy induced hangover you were sure to get when you woke up at Tim’s flat the next day. Why it took you hours to decide on torn up jean shorts and a crop top, you had no idea. Tim had seen you in literally all forms of dress at this point- even naked thanks to his inability to knock on a closed bathroom door.

Arriving, you showed them your ticket and was immediately ushered into a VIP area where a few familiar faces were waiting, “There she is! I told you guys she’d be here!” Rohan ran over immediately, scooping you up and spinning around before Jake engulfed the both of you in his huge arms. As you separated, Rohan beamed, “I told these losers there was no way you’d miss your boy’s performance.”

“If I missed this, you could just assume I was dead. That’s the only excuse I would accept from myself.” You laughed, “I slept for a good nineteen hours after working my butt off to be free tonight.”

Jake let out a low whistle, saying all he needed to do was set the menu and let his second in command be in charge for the night. Rohan agreed, “Yeah, I just took the night off from studying, but unlike us, someone else came here to work.”

He pointed behind you where Talia was watching the three of you with a nostalgic smile. “It’s good to see the three of you together where Rohan isn’t trying to give handstand lessons.” You cackled as you ran over and gave her a tight hug, she lowered her voice as you pulled away, “How are you doing after…?”

You shook your head, bright smile on your face, “Let’s be honest, I don’t think any of us thought it was going to work long term. And Tim has been keeping me very busy and distracted.”

Talia smirked, “I bet he is.”

Odd, but you moved on as soon as a stage worker appeared to usher you into a roped off portion of the front row. Tim appeared on stage before any of you could say anything else, and you had to admit, strictly to yourself, that he looked damn good up there.

The show was everything you knew Tim could achieve. Not only was the venue packed, but the audience was going crazy. At what should’ve been the last song, Tim grinned at the four of you before turning to the audience, “I have a very special surprise for you all tonight! One that I hope my mates won’t kill me for. In the house tonight, we have Jake ‘Sweetcheeks’ Wilson!” He let the audience go crazy for a moment before settling them down, “And Rohan the Handwalker!”

“I don’t remember signing off on that nickname.” Rohan laughed beside you.

“Clearly you don’t get an option.” You grinned before looking back at Tim.

“Last, but absolutely in no universe least, we have the Heartthrob of the Villa! The one and only, Y/N! Let’s get the rap crew together for one last song guys!”

The attendant appeared again, taking the three of you onstage whether you wanted to go or not. You and Rohan erupted in laughter, and you had to lean heavily on Tim as Jake’s face exploded in a blush. You were handed a microphone, and the reality of what you were about to do landed on you, but you just beamed at your best friend as you raised it to speak, “This is for Timye everybody! The backbone of the Villa, the one that kept everybody laughing through the drama.”

The three of you nodded to him, and the four of you started rapping together, just like old times.

Tim hugged you as the song ended, planting a kiss on your cheek that you lit a fire in all of your nerves.

Shoving the feelings away wasn’t working. Tim was so unapologetically himself, and that was only one of the things you loved about him so much. But you figured the after party was the best place to be to help you. Your solution? Drink Pineapple Shaddies until you couldn’t remember you had these feelings.

That might’ve worked. If you hadn’t stumbled to sit down at the bar top next to Rohan and he asked why you were drinking so much.

“Ya ever have feelings for a mate that you think are feelings just because they’re your mate, but then you don’t want them to just be your mate cause you realize you fancy them but you don’t have a way to say it where they don’t think you’re crazy?”

You watched his blurry face blink- at least you think he was blinking- before he finally spoke, “You fancy someone?”

You groaned, dropping your head on the surface in front of you, “Yes. I do. And I hate it. He’s supposed to be my best mate. Why can’t these stupid feelings go away?”

“Your best mate…Tim?” You nodded instead of answering, your face still pressed to counter. You heard him snort, “Why don’t you just tell him?”

You blearily looked up, “Why would I tell him? He’s not into me like that. I’d rather preserve this friendship, thank you.”

“So you’d rather try to help him find a new bird rather than just offer yourself?”

Your eyes narrowed at Rohan, did he usually say bird? You couldn’t remember now. Shoving the thought away, you nodded. “At this point, it’s either he somehow makes the first move, or he has no idea that fancied him since he jokingly fanned himself and walked into Miles on the first day.”

You were having trouble keeping your eyes open, vaguely registering your conversation partner telling you it was time for bed.

When you woke up, you immediately buried your head under the pillow, before you realized you never went to sleep. Jerking upright, you braced yourself against the pounding headache and wave of nausea, looking around to see Tim’s guest bedroom. Not only that, but you were missing the clothes you’d had on that were replaced by a t-shirt you know you’ve seen before in his closet. You groaned, forcing yourself to your feet and out into the hallway. Music was playing softly, and you followed it down the hall, where you found Tim bustling around the kitchen with Jake on a video call, “Are you sure this is all you need to do? It doesn’t seem like enough.”

“Believe me, this is exactly what she needs when she wakes up. You called me because I’m a professional, you gonna trust me or not, mate?”

Tim waved his hand, “You’re right, you’re right. I’m still not sure who she thought I was last night.” Jake caught a glimpse of you behind Tim, trying to get his attention to get him to shut up. “I mean, I don’t want to hurt you, Jake. You’re like a brother, but her- I mean, she’s the girl that I’ve dreamed of. If you guys hadn’t met her, too, I might’ve thought I imagined someone that perfect.”

You were stuck, eyes blown wide and headache long forgotten, as Tim finally noticed Jake pointing and turned around. It was eerily silent as the two of you stared at each other before Jake cleared his throat, “Right, well, uh, best of luck to you both. I want an invite to the wedding.” And then he hung up before either of you could say a word.

You teetered on your feet for a moment, “I, uh, I was talking to you? I really, really thought it was Rohan.”

“It was me.” Tim was so quiet. So unlike his usual self, it bothered you. Nerves took over and you startled fiddling with the hem of your shirt- his shirt. He gestured at it, “You got sick on the way home. Talia was driving us, so she helped you change clothes when we got back. Don’t want ya thinking I was tryna-“

“I know, Tim.” You snorted, “You aren’t that type of guy.” It was still quiet, but it was more comfortable now that you laughed. “Do we- Should we-“ You sighed, “I don’t know how to talk about what I said.”

Tim laughed softly, just a little exhale of breath as he smiled and shook his head, “How about I just be honest then? Y/N, you were my best mate in the villa. You are my best mate now. But there’s no rule that says my best mate can’t be the love of my life, right? Isn’t that what people say? That their spouse is their best friend?”

You were blown away. Sure, Tim had flirted in the Villa. You both had. But doing it then, and saying this now…

You didn’t a spare another thought. With your hangover, you’re not sure you could’ve. You surged across the space between you, pressing your lips to his like you’d wanted to do all this time. And he pressed back just as fiercely.

It took a while for you to realize air was still important, and you pulled away with your head spinning. Without a word, Tim ushered you into a chair, setting what he deemed ‘Jake’s Monster Hangover Cure’ in front of you, and patiently waited while you worked through it. When you were finished, you took his hand, “If we do this, I need you to promise that we’re friends first. We talk to each other about everything right now. I don’t want to lose that.”

“Absolutely.” He squeezed your fingers.

“And…if you want us to casually see each other first, then we can, you can keep-“

“No!” He cut you off, “We live five hours from each other right now, there’s nothing casual about that. And I was content being your best mate, but if I have the chance to be with you? I don’t need anybody else. I don’t want anybody else. I’ll put all my eggs in your basket, babe.”

Your eyes welled up with tears without your consent, but the smile that took over your face was given full permission. “Okay then, Timye. We’re doing this.”

A year later, you sat in your living room watching the new contestants of Love Island as they were told there was going to be a special guest. Warmth filled you from head to toe, watching the Islanders lose their mind as your boyfriend entered the lounge. “Pause it!” A voice called out from the kitchen, and you quickly pressed the button. A minute later you watched as he came bustling around the corner, setting the snacks you wanted on the coffee table and letting you settle against him once he sat down.

“Good now?”

Tim pressed a kiss to the top of your head, “Great now.”

You pressed play, watching the Islanders do the Macarena, gasping at the on screen drama when Rafi announced he’d rather leave than break up a couple, but nothing prepared you for the snippets it showed from the Hideaway.

The couple front running for first place followed Tim to the ‘VIP Lounge’, and you watched as he was asked about Jen.

“We, uh, we broke up. But that’s okay, cause now I’m with the love of my life, and she’s been there the whole time.”

You melted into him as his arm wrapped around your shoulder. Murmuring that this was embarrassing and he had no idea they had put cameras there. You just smiled, wiggling to grab the present you’d had ready for him since the day he actually confessed, knowing now more than ever that you were sure about this.

Masterlist

[nightwishesworld]

Morning Wood

Finally, I can take this sticky note off my wall! So sorry it took so long my friend, I've been buried in requests haha

BIG OL' NSFW WARNING

*******************************************************************************************

Alcina’s bleary eyes slowly opened to the sound of soft snoring. Next to her, you slept cocooned in comfort. It was a blessing being able to wake up to such a pretty face, Alcina thought. Something was off this morning though she wasn’t awake enough to realize what it was. Alcina sat up, rubbing the crust off her eyes.

She felt hot. As if her blood was rushing through her. With a quick glance down, she quickly acknowledged the issue. The huge tent in the blanket made it very obvious. Alcina groaned, palming her head.

“Well that’s just fantastic,” she groaned.

Alcina considered her options. She could either take a cold bath or take care of it herself. Something told her a shower won’t cut it today. She’s already temped to abandon the bathroom all together and just get rid of it here. Then afterwards she can cuddle you and go right back to sleep.

She turned to watch you as you slept blissfully unaware of her conundrum. The last thing she wants to do is wake you up because of something as stupid as this.

Her hand wraps around the base of her shaft and starts herself off slow. The grip was loose at first and making a languid pattern of up and down motions.

You stir awake to the sounds of hushed grunting next to you. Through bleary eyes you could just make out Alcina’s form propped up on her pillow. It’s obvious what she’s doing. It’s been happening a lot as of late, not that you were totally complaining. Alcina found it incredibly embarrassing the more it happened. Most mornings she would relieve herself in the bathroom. It seems today that was just too long of a walk.

A loud groan pulled you out of your dreamy state. Alcina’s hands were shaking, her breathing even harsher and heavier than before.

Oh, she’s hit a wall.

It was the worst feeling, being so close to having what was just out of reach. It filled you with such a visceral sympathy you broke your silence. “Al?”

Her eyes go wide and she turns to you, but never relents under the sheets. “I’m sorry, Dove, did I wake you?”

You sit up and stretch, letting out a big yawn. “No, don’t worry. I was gonna ask how you slept, but I think I already know the answer.”

“I’m sorry. I was hoping to have dealt with it before you woke up.”

You chuckle and simply take in the sight of the ever elegant Alcina Dimitrescu servicing herself in bed. “Need a hand?”

A much smaller hand finds its way on top of Alcina’s. You don’t bother waiting for a response as you bat her hand away completely.

After a few minutes of this light, almost teasing grip, you tightened your grip until you had her erection in a firm squeeze, your free hand digging into her thigh. You kept your pace slow and measured for a while longer, though, rationing out each new increase in pleasure only when you had exhausted the last one. Then you started to pick up the pace, and now the quiet hums and moans would rise up from the back of Alcina’s throat.

“Get the lubricant, p-please. I need more.”

You bit back the desire to ask if she really needed any lube. She was already dripping and slick with precum. But if that’s what she wanted who were you to disobey? You grabbed the fruity scented bottle out of the bedside drawer and massaged it between your hands.

Alcina had already picked up where you left off, her pace much faster and desperate than yours. Instead of batting her away again you grab her wrist.

“If you don’t behave yourself I won’t let you finish.”

The statement caught you both off guard. It’s not very often you take control like that, and it’s even less often Alcina lets you. Which is why you were surprised when she pouted and brought her hand back down to her side.

“I’ll behave, Darling.”

“Good girl,” you give her a quick kiss and wrap your hand around her again. It was a little known fact that Alcina Dimitrescu could go from being a dominant mommy straight down to a pillow princess. Really the only one still living that knows besides herself is you. Being the dominant one always felt strange though. You felt a bit out of your element, but the look of innocence on Alcina’s face was well worth it. It amazes you every time she decides to play submissively; she’s just as captivating and sexy as her usual dominant self. There was something about the way she just laid down and took whatever you were willing to give that made you crave her even more.

To reward her good behavior you increase your pace and tighten your grip. Her moans and gasps were rapturous to your ears. You knew exactly how she wanted to be touched- how she needed to be touched. And you were more than happy to oblige.

“Close your eyes and relax, Alci. This is all about you. I’ll take good care of you.”

Alcina did as she was told and relaxed against her pillows, focusing solely on your ministrations. She thought there was something hypnotic in the rhythmic motion of your hand, something that felt more profound and elegant the more she felt it. You felt ritualistic against her. She felt like she was being blessed by the Gods.

It was only when she felt something soft cushioning her shaft that she looked down at you. Her jaw dropped as if she wanted to gasp but no sound came out.

You were rubbing your now glistening tits up and down Alcina’s shaft, properly oiling them up. The vampiress’ cock twitches when she feels your hard nipples pressing against the length of her cock and your lips peppering her head in kisses. Your eyes were hooded and filled with lust. It was probably the sexiest thing Alcina had ever laid eyes on; and it was all for her.

You lick her from tip to base. You sucked on her cock, circling her head with the tip of your tongue until finally taking her in your mouth. Alcina starts subtly thrusting her hips, desperate for more contact.

A large, warm hand settled in your hair and started tugging at it. And as the two of you looked at each other, as if no one else existed within the world, you eagerly returned to sucking her cock like you were trying to save your life doing it.

You take her head in your mouth and suck, the taste of precum fresh on your tongue.

She arched into your touch and busied her hand by massaging her breasts, tweaking and pinching her hardened nipples to give herself as much stimulation as possible.

“Does that feel good, baby?” Alcina hummed in response.

Meanwhile, your left hand was softly caressing the vampire’s muscular thighs, and a cute little whimper escaped from her when you pinched her skin. "Ah! Te rog, iubirea mea."

"Please what, Alci?" "Tell me what you want, Love. Use your words."

Alcina couldn’t seem to keep still, as she began unconsciously pushing her hips up towards your face, attempting to get you to deep-throat her as soon as possible. To prevent her from moving like that, you tried using enough force in your left arm to hold her hips down, with your right hand still holding onto her cock as she started to pick up the pace.

“I want your mouth, draga mea. Please, draga mea I need to be in your mouth.”

You grin up at her and chuckle lowly. “That wasn’t so difficult now was it?”

Maintaining eye-level with Alcina’s cock, you stuck out your tongue and licked a bead of precum from the slit. You continued this motion until the whole tip in your mouth, sucking out a lot more precum. Finally, you took almost her full length in your mouth, just enough to reach the back of your throat. You gagged.

Alcina couldn’t suppress her moans anymore, letting you hear her desperation loud and clear. She was panting, sweat forming on her forehead. The atmosphere of their bedroom suddenly got hot. Really hot.

"Nu te opri, te rog," Alcina whispered not realizing she was speaking at all. "Mmmm ...te rog, iubirea mea, nu te opri."

You heard Alcina mumbling but couldn't make out the words. No matter, you weren’t concerned with what she was saying. You could tell Alcina liked what you were doing because she'd grind her hips up closer to your face whenever your mouth parted from her cock.

Alcina shot her eyes wide open right before she came in your sore mouth, and filled you up so much to the point where you choked for a second. But you swallowed all of her semen, not allowing any to drip from your chin. You licked your lips again, feeling very full. “That was delicious, Love. You taste so fucking good. Thanks for breakfast.” Alcina looked down with a blush to see you staring at her lovingly, watching her penis rest against her stomach. You crawled up to look Alcina eye-to-eye, a smirk spreading across your face. “You’re welcome.”

Alcina laughed and pulled you down fully on top of her. “Thank you.”

You lowered your face to place what was supposed to be a chaste kiss on her lips. Alcina melted into the kiss, the softness of your lips driving her crazy on the inside. Things were getting heated, as Alcina stuck her tongue into your mouth when she got the chance. You just squirmed above her. Alcina could taste her semen on your tongue. She moaned into your mouth from the action. Then she bit your already swollen bottom lip, causing you to hiss. Neither of you wanted to pull away. You continued making out for a while, until you ended the intimacy and pulled away, a string of saliva connecting your tongues. “I love you, Alcina.” “I love you, too, Y/n.”

[thetargaryenbride]

A Way of Mourning

Requested by:  @iamhowieson​ Hey! I was wondering if you could make a Levi x reader request where Levi accidentally hurts the reader and he feels terrible about it but the reader comforts him and tells him they’re ok. 

Thank you for requesting! <3 And I’m sorry for the delay. 

Words: 2K+

Pairing: Levi x Reader [gn]

Hope you like it  ❤️ Feedback is deeply appreciated! ^^

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

“Where…” you whispered, almost choking, as your dry throat tissues scratched against each other.

“Here, have some water,” someone helped you sit up and held a glass to your lips, letting you gulp greedily. The chilly liquid soothed your parched throat and you sighed in relief. Finally opening your eyes, you were met with the face of your best friend and the rest of your squadmates.

“Captain, you gave us quite the scare there. It’s been two days and you weren’t waking up. Glad to finally have you back!” grinned one of them and you smiled, only now feeling the dull ache in your abdomen. You remembered now, how you had saved one of your subordinates which resulted in a titan sinking its teeth into you.

Your eyes widened as your thoughts shifted to a certain trio.

“What happened to Levi and the others?” you asked, almost frantically, because you didn’t remember anything from the mission and the worry quickly settled inside you, like a parasite, and started eating.

Since Levi, Isabel and Farlan joined the Scouts, you were one of the few people who were assigned to take care of the three. They needed to learn more about the world above, about how the military worked, about how the Survey Corps operated, and tons of other stuff, not to mention training, riding, and strategy. The others who were assigned to help, did it with disdain until at one point they just gave up, not wanting to have any contact with the “mongrels from the Underground” but you had stayed. You genuinely liked them. Your mother had done some charity in the Underground and you had accompanied her on a few occasions. What you felt towards the people from that place was only pity, because they deserved so much better than the curse they got since birth – to live in a place with no sun and light, where only filth and shadows flooded each corner, lurking over every inch of your skin.

So you had tried your best to take care of the three. Isabel had quickly taken a liking to you, followed by Farlan. Levi had been harder to win over. He was very quiet, reserved, and distrustful. But your constant kind gestures managed to crack even his shell if only a bit. He didn’t have problems with letting you be near him anymore. He even started talking to you and a day before the expedition he had even allowed you to rub his right shoulder. It had been aching and you had told him that he had to be healthy and strong for the expedition if he wanted to protect himself and his friends. He couldn’t malfunction. He had actually chuckled, although it was so quiet you almost mistook it for him letting out a breath, and let you do your magic at soothing his muscles. You had grown so attached to them that you couldn’t imagine your life without them. The thought that this was their very first expedition had hit you like a sack of bricks just before you had taken off and you had been worried out of your mind throughout the whole expedition, wondering whether they would make it out alive.

“Look, Y/N…I know you grew close during this past month but…Isabel and Farlan are dead,” announced your friend grimly and your heart dropped to your stomach. And suddenly your throat was dry again and no amount of gulping water or saliva was going to help. You let out a shaky breath as your trembling fingers clutched the edge of the bed, helping you sit up straighter and swing your legs over it.

“Wait, where are you-“

“I need to see Levi,” you muttered and your friends shared worried glances. They let you pass. They knew you were one of the most stubborn people alive and no amount of persuasion would put a stop to what you have in mind.

You stumbled all the way to the male barracks and opened the door, fully expecting to see Levi slumped on his bunkbed. But he was not there. In fact, the barracks were quiet and there wasn’t a single soul inhabiting them. The only sound that penetrated that silence was that of running water. Your eyes snapped to your left where the male common showers were located and you took hesitant steps towards it. This had to be the man you were looking for. After all, one of your squadmates had told you that Levi hadn’t left the barracks since the expedition.

You didn’t know how long you just stood in front of the door, wondering if you should wait for him or leave and come back later, endlessly contemplating on what exactly you were going to tell him. But after thirty minutes had passed and nobody was coming out, your thoughts shifted to, once again, worry. Because nobody ever took showers that long. The hot water had to be preserved. After all, there were around a hundred soldiers in the regiment who needed it and it was a bit harder to warm it up since they lived in a castle and not in the city like the Military Police or the Garrison.

“Levi?” you called out as you knocked but no answer came. “It’s me, Y/N. I’m coming in, ok?” you slowly opened the door and your face and body were instantly hit with hot thick steam and moisture. It was almost suffocating. “What the-“ you rubbed your face and eyes as you fully stepped inside and tried to focus. You finally located a figure at the end of the room and you walked towards it. The fog parted a bit and revealed the familiar backside of Levi. You were about to huff and scold him when you noticed just how red his back was. Your eyes widened as you outstretched your arm and put it under the sprinkling water, hissing and retreating it almost immediately.

“That water is scalding hot!” you exclaimed. “Levi, hey, let’s get out of here, hm?” you asked, voice laced with desperation and worry as you went to put a hand on his shoulder and shake him out of whatever trance he had fallen in. “You’re harming yourself. Please, let’s leave,” but before you could touch his skin, his hand shot out and grabbed yours, clutching it so tightly that he almost snapped it. He stood up abruptly and shoved you away, causing you to let out a squeal as you slipped and fell on your bum, the pain from your wound jostling your body, making you groan and clutch your stomach as if it was going to help soothe it.

“Get out,” he growled, his back still turned on you.

“But-“

“I said leave!” he yelled as his head sharply turned to look down at you. His eyes grew wide and the angry sneer and furrowed eyebrows he had donned eased a little. You stood up slowly and raised a hand, nodding.

“Ok…it’s alright, I’m going…just…don’t stay here long,” you whispered before you turned on your tail and exited the room.

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

“Gods, would you go to bed already? Your wound is still healing and instead of resting you’re burying yourself in paperwork!” exclaimed your friend angrily as she crossed her arms.

“You know that there is always extra paperwork after expeditions. And I’ve been out for two days. I have a lot of work to catch up to. I’m fine,” you smiled at her reassuringly and she rolled her eyes before they snapped to the door after a knock echoed throughout your office.

“Name and business?!” you called out but nobody answered. The door just opened and your eyebrows shot to your hairline as you saw Levi holding a tray with two cups of steaming tea. Your friend gave you a look and nodded.

“I’ll leave you two to it,” she said as she quickly exited and closed the door.

Levi just stood there awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot until you told him to sit. He placed the tray on your desk and grabbed a chair, dragging it to sit in front of you while you were sipping on the liquid. There was silence for some time as you looked at him but he didn’t have the courage to look at you, focusing on his lap as his bangs covered his face.

Levi felt horrible. He felt disgusted with himself. He had been shaking like a leaf the moment you had left the bathroom. He hadn’t known what to do. He hadn’t even known which world he was on.

He remembered sitting there, almost choking on the thick steam, feeling the hot water drops drum against his skin. He had been so deep into his thoughts and the still fresh memories from two days ago, eyes scanning his hands in haze, seeing not clean skin but skin marred with dark wine blood – the blood of his family. The family he couldn’t protect because of his own foolishness and weakness. The moment he had felt that someone’s presence breathing down his neck and feeling the closeness of their hand, hovering over his shoulder, the close proximity creating warmth and electricity that had made the hair on his neck bristle, his hand had shot out automatically. He hadn’t wanted anyone to breathe the same air as him, much less touching him. He hadn’t hesitated when he pushed them away. But the moment he had turned and his eyes fell on you, regret had struck his heart and he had been frozen in place, not being able to do anything but watch with wide eyes as you shot him an apologetic smile before leaving.

He told himself that it wasn’t on purpose. He told himself it was just a reaction – a reflex – to something, someone, foreign, invading his personal space in a moment of deep vulnerability. But still…he felt like a trash.  

“I’m sorry,” he finally let out and you smiled at him, shaking your head.

“It’s fine,”

“No…I yelled at you…I pushed you…I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he whispered and you sighed.

“Everyone mourns differently, Levi. You needed space; so I gave it to you. I probably startled you by touching you. I shouldn’t have been so abrupt with my actions,” you explained gently, hoping to ease the guilt that was so obviously drowning him. His hands balled into fists as he bit the inside of his cheek.

“You’re the only one I have left,” he muttered as his eyes finally locked with yours and your hand touched his ever so slowly.

“And I’m not going anywhere. Please… let’s just forget everything and keep going together,” you smiled at him as your hand stroke his and he let out a sigh of relief before nodding. The emotions swirling in his eyes were so many and so vivid that it almost made you cry. It engulfed your very being and had such an impact on you that it overwhelmed you, making you succumb to emotion rather than rationality. You stood up and approached the man, crouching down in front of him. The smile you sent him and the emotions swirling in your eyes, had him give you a soft smile. You rose on your toes and closed the distance, letting your arms embrace his form. You sank into him, head nestling in the crook of his neck as his own arms tugged you closer and squeezed your form.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured in your hair again and you tightened your hold, nuzzling into him. He didn’t know whether he truly deserved this forgiveness. You were simply an exceedingly kind and forgiving person. But he knew one thing. From now on he was going to do anything for you. He was aware he had a difficult personality but he was going to try his best and stick by your side. Because you truly were one of the few people who gave him a chance and tried so hard to forge friendship with him despite all and you actually managed to wiggle into his heart and settle there.  

.

.

.

I promise to protect you...

[angelkurenai]

So much for a surprise - Chris Evans x Reader

Title: So much for a surprise

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: None

Prompt: I'd love a chris evans x reader one shot, where they're dating, and after the knives out movie, he's been spending a lot of time with his co-star Ana de Armas, and like in one specific interview she was getting very flirty and such with Chris, and touching his arm and stuff, and I'd just want to see how you'd interpret jealous!reader, and Chris reacting to that jealousy!!

Looking at your phone, for what seemed like the millionth time that day, you tried to suppress a sigh, though you couldn't help the roll of your eyes. Despite the amount of messages and notifications, and there were plenty for sure, none of them including your boyfriend.

You didn't want to hold it against him, after all you knew he was particularly busy these days what with all the interviews and promoting his newest movie. And despite all the games and laughs it could be, or at least it seemed to be to the rest of the world, you were an actress yourself and understood that it could be tiring, exhausting and on more than one occasions very nerve-wracking especially if one was already anxious about taking on a new role after years of being famous for another one. You understood because you had gone through all of that yourself, and you could have excused his lack of contact. You would have, really, if it wasn't for the fact that those interviews were no longer part of his job and a stressful one at that. No, if anything, they were obviously only an excuse now.

An excuse to not answer phone calls or messages, an excuse to spend less time at home, an excuse to make plans to go out with without you – oh you couldn't even remember the last time it had been just the two of you out for a simple drink – an excuse to pull further apart from you, an excuse fool around and be playful with another woman. It was that last part which brought a bitter taste in your mouth. If it was his friends, long-time ones or not, you wouldn't have paid so much attention to it but when he said that he was going out for the third time in a row with Ana and maybe some costar might tag along but he didn't know then there was only so much you could take.

You didn't doubt him, you would never doubt him or his fidelity to you, because you knew the kind of man you had beside you. After years of being together you how much he loved you, he made sure show it every chance he got and made sure you never forgot it, so you always trusted him even if he more often than not ended up surrounded by so many beautiful women at a time. But that didn't mean you could trust her, just like you couldn't blame her. Alright maybe you could andyou would if she ever tried anything with Chris, but the lingering touches or easy smiles and casually frequent glances were no reason for you to start anything or try to hold it against her. Not yet.

You could very easily hold it against him, though. For allowing all of it, but above all for allowing himself to be pulled away from you because of another woman. It wasn't your fault that you couldn't stop the pang in your chest. You weren't to blame for the way your heart squeezed, a bit painfully sometimes too. It was not on you that whenever he said, in that casual simple way that “Oh just going out with Ana.” as if she was his girlfriend of three years and not you, you felt your throat close up and your eyes burn with something akin to unshed tears. You refused to believe it was tears and you refused to believe that he was hurting you, that this situation was hurting you, when it could all easily be just in your head so instead you shrugged most of it off.

“Hey, we were-” the man started but paused when he saw the deep frown that had set on your face, the concern that slipped on his features was touching to say the least. Especially as he gave a small sign to his friends and approached you. Your friends as well and you tended to forget that lately just like you couldn't enjoy anything good that happened to you because of how things with Chris were but then again you had not shared much of it with him and when you didn't get to share your happiness with him it always tended to feel less true or real.

“Are you alright?” the hand on your shoulder along with the small squeeze and warmth it brought was comforting in a way you had almost forgotten you wanted but clearly more than needed, you realized.

“Just fine, don't worry about me. Going without any sleep for two days in a row kind of takes a toll on you, I guess.” you shrugged softly, slowly tucking your phone in your pocket; hoping even in the last couple seconds that there would be a message from your boyfriend.

“Are you trying to be reassuring now?” his eyebrows rose “Cause you're doing a really shitty job at it let me tell you. Hey remind me again who you've been taking acting lessons from at first? Hugh Jackman? Well it shows.”

“No, I swear I-” you couldn't help the giggle that left your lips, feeling light even for a few second “I am alright, really. A tad tired but only because I had so many scenes today. I recover fast and I have tomorrow off so all will be good. It's not anything I'm not used to.”

“I-” his small smile dropped in the end, worry showing through once more “Are you sure? Because I've seen you check your phone plenty of times in between breaks so I worried that- Well, something might've happened.”

“No, it's- Well, I expected some phone call or message from my boyfriend but apparently he's still busy with interviews, so I might just have to go ahead and meet him in person there. We might go out later... I think. We usually do every Friday so...” you trailed off and shrugged, not wanting to burden him with unnecessary worries and information despite how close you were lately.

“Oh well, in that case-” he nodded his head, glancing over his shoulder for a second before facing you again “It seems like you've already got plans with him then but uhm in case anything happens and you're off early or in the mood for drinks we know where we will be-”

“Oh but I'm not sure if I will have time to-” you said with slight worry and wide eyes.

“I know, I know.” he chuckled softly, quickly trying to calm you down “Just letting you know in case there's an off chance that it happens. We'll be waiting for you either way. I'll be waiting.”

You didn't dare say much to him after that, only gave him a shy smile and nod with a promise to at least try, and him that he was alright with anything, and watched him leave with the rest of your friends before you got in your own car to make your way to the studios where the interviews would be held. For the first time, probably in days if not weeks, you felt much lighter. Maybe it was good to see that you were wanted somewhere, in someone's company even though it wasn't your boyfriend's - despite your deepest hopes.

If only your good mood could last for longer than the whole 30 minutes of the ride, that would have been ideal. However, in the end, part of you wished that said interview was probably on the other side of the globe instead of so close to your filming location. Because as you walked into the studio, try as you might, you couldn't hold back the lump in your throat as you saw the scene in front of you.

“Don't know what that is but it sounds good!” Chris said with a grin on his face, soon followed by easy laughter from both him and Ana.

Ana's hand was in that very second on his arm, giving a small squeeze as they kept laughing together, until it slowly but surely started sliding down until her hand was holding his. The interview kept going and they both had smiles on, an occasional laugh escaping here and there. Her hand remained with his long enough for you to notice how he thumb was rubbing soothing circles one moment and playing with his fingers the next in a slow and easy manner that you knew he loved, you knew relaxed him even in the most stressful situations – especially during interviews which you knew he always needed – and that you knew... was your thing. Or at least so you thought.

And apparently you had been mistaken for at least three years now. You had been mistaken to think those warm comforting touches were just for the two of you to share and say things without having to verbally phrase them. You had been mistaken to think that the smile you saw on his face as he looked at Ana was saved just for you. You had been mistaken to believe that the way his face softened and his eyes focused with an unmistakable spark of interest were reserved just for you when you spoke to him about things you loved and not also her as she answered a question that very moment. You had been mistaken to think that the way his shoulder fell in relaxation, in easiness and comfort, as if coming back home for a long day, was reserved just for you and was something that came naturally. As naturally as the feeling of love which he so openly showed both with his actions and words whenever he saw you... or at least used to.

Come to think of it, many of the things you had been considering as important, as unique, for the two of you, were probably nothing more than maybe you getting sentimental or worse too attached. And, for sure you now realized, not happening lately much if not at all. But maybe that was to be expected when you were hardly spending any time together whatsoever. Maybe even not as meaningful... not as true?

But if that love, if those looks and touches and words, were not true then what else about your relationship was in the first place? What was real? What was unique? If he could so easily relax around her, flirt with her and accept her flirting back so easily, so openly then-

You shook your head and tore your eyes from the scene before you, effectively silencing their laughter in your head, even though it already sounded very far off. The unpleasant feeling was back, squeezing your heart, tightening your stomach in knots and making your eyes burn. The bad taste in your mouth, as your throat closed, was there too and you decided to bite on the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from saying or doing anything you wouldn't like. Even the taste of blood was better, anything was better, really than the bitterness that came when you watched them interact like that.

You were above this, had always been especially with all the fans and female costars he had that got a bit more handsy and yes, you brushed most of it off. Most of it, when your blood wasn't boiling like it was right now because of how long this had gone on for.

Watching Chris making his way towards you, with his usually warm smile -even though you couldn't feel its sentiment at the moment -and a clear look of surprise on his face to see you there you felt that over the bitterness, you did feel mad. What you heard didn't help.

“Hey, Chris, don't forget about the meetup later yeah?” it was Ana and really you had nothing against her, not anymore, and not much more than your boyfriend.

Especially when he looked at her with a smile and nod “Sure thing I'll meet up with you there.”

“Honey, hey!” he breathed out and pecked your lips though you didn't even blink up at him, let alone smile “What a surprise, what are you doing here?”

“Surprise huh?” maybe you had originally planned it as that but now even the word made you huff angrily “Oh I'm not sure, maybe you would know better if you did check your phone once in a while. What the fuck is wrong with you, I called you so many times, Chris. Damn it I almost thought something happened. You always answer at least for a couple seconds, you always-” you stopped yourself immediately when you realized you were close to raising your voice and causing a scene which was the last thing you wanted.

Chris' eyes were somewhat wide and his smile had vanished. He considered your expression and stance for a few more seconds before he said in more serious voice “Maybe you'd like to talk in private then?”

Shaking your head, you huffed a humorless laugh but followed him as he took hold of your hand, linking your fingers and leading you away from the main set. No sooner were you alone than you pulled your hand from his grasp, not fact or angrily, only in a cold way without a single emotion on your face which you saw made his frown deepen.

“What's the matter baby?” he asked, voice low and somehow hoarse as he saw you wrap your arms around yourself and take a step back from him. A flush of hurt was visible in his eyes and you didn't like that it felt good to see it, but it was what it was.

“No first, let me ask you a question Chris.” you took a deep breath, trying to straighten your back “Do you know what day it is today?”

“Friday, why are you-”

“Oh so you do know, splendid! Then you haven't lost track of the date and you certainly haven't lost your phone or anything because you would have mentioned it when I brought it up. Which means you haven't been checking it or have checked, seen my calls, and didn't bother. Both of which, especially today, are equally bad. So, to sum it up-” you let out a shaky sigh “You don't give a damn about me anymore.”

“What?” he blinked in surprise “Where did that-”

“You know it's Friday and we always make plans for Friday night, always Chris. You make sure to text me about it first thing in the morning every single time. No matter where we are, even when we cannot be together, because we had promised. You had, Chris, because you knew. You knew how important it was to me to know even in the most simple way that my partner cares, you knew how much I needed that and I never asked for more never cared for more than just an hour out of your day, you knew better than anyone what I've gone through, and you promised Chris!” you pressed your fingers over your pursed lips when you realized you'd let yourself get carried away, raising your voice was not something you wanted. His eyes did widen this time and his eyebrows shot up.

You shook your head and made sure to wipe any sort of emotion from your face. Mostly caring to wipe out the proof of pain, that is, which you had been constantly feeling, because you were absolutely fine with him seeing the anger. If he managed to attribute it to your jealousy as well then you didn't care, you were beyond that now. If only it was as easy for the tears to be concealed.

You looked at him, and despite your red-rimmed eyes, your voice was low and cold “You always made sure to call. For the past three years. You never missed a single day. Until today. But of course-” you laughed bitterly, your words laced with venom as you nearly glared at him “You already made plans with somebody else, didn't you honey?”

“What- No, I-” he shook his head, eyebrows knitted together and baby blue eyes glistening with sadness and, dare you say, guilt “That's not what it looks like. Really, if this is about it then I promise I- (Y/n), of course you're welcome!”

“Welcome where? Cause I don't feel welcome anywhere in your life, Chris, let alone around her. And no it's clearly not just about this, but how would you even know how you've been making me feel all this time when you're hardly ever around, Chris?” you hissed before looking away from him.

“Hardly ever around?” you didn't know if your words hurt him as much as angered him, based on the way his eyes darkened with anger “Given that you do the same job, I didn't think you'd just show up like this only to pick a fight over something you know I have little control over. These days are harder on me and you know it, you can't really blame me for that! I was doing interviews all day and in between breaks I was so tired I forgot to check even my own phone, I didn't know that's a crime now.”

“So you do think that that's really what I'm trying to say here huh? Wow.” you blinked several times “You think you're the only one having a hard time, Chris? You have no idea about how hard of a time I am having then. No idea how emotionally exhaustion this new role is or how tired I am all the time. No idea how despite all that, I still can't go to sleep lately. And insomnia doesn't even begin to cover it, because of the doubts and constant thinking that I do and you're not there Chris, during any of it. You have no idea about any of it but I mean, how could you? We barely even talk anymore and no!” you raise your hands to stop him “It is not because of this job, it is because of her that all this is happening.”

“H-her?” he frowned in confusion before you saw the realization set down on him and a small sigh escape his lips “Ana? Really, this is all about that? (Y/n), you were always above this, you've never had a jealous fit. We both know I'm just spending some time with a friend, there is nothing more to that. There could never be, how could you ever believe otherwise?”

“How?” you couldn't stop a scoff “Really? You ask how? Oh my gosh, Chris, she is flirting with you nonstop! I have seen the looks and touches and everything, you can't be that oblivious. No I refuse to believe it. For the love of, that was the exact way I acted around you at first! It's crystal clear that she likes you and flirts with you and asks you out all the time and you- you're encouraging this! Chris, you spent twice the time with her than with me and I clearly don't mean work. You're constantly out with her, you do nothing to stop it and even when you're supposed to do something for the two of us you- you go and put her first. And only on second thought, as if to do me a favor, you think to invite me over because oh poor her she'll spend our night all alone. Honestly-” you laughed humorlessly “I wonder who's really your girlfriend after all. Or better yet-” you paused, hesitating for only half a second because maybe you were too hurt and the part of you that was angry was easily controlling your words but you didn't hold it back.

What is the point in being your girlfriend in the first place?

You heard him take a sharp breath in, his eyes and face all showing unbelievable guilt and pain at your words as if it was finally downing him the extent of his mistake. But you didn't let yourself feel sorry even for a second and if he really deserved a taste of his own medicine he was going to get it.

“I didn't know I- I made you feel this way.” his voice was shaky and you could see the beginning of tears make his eyes glisten. You were probably too cruel but so was reality and everything you had been experiencing so when he took a step forward you took one backwards as well. “Honey-” he made to touch you but you shifted away and he didn't insist, although his hands were shaking and his eyes were wide, he forced himself to stay calm you “You know that... I- I love you more than anything.”

“Do I?”seeing the way his lips fell apart but he shook his head and tried to get it together.

“(Y/n), hear me out please.” his hands were shaking and he let out a trembling breath as he ran his fingers through his hair.

He finally got the courage to back up “You know that I love, that will never- it can never change, no matter what. I would never do something like that to you, certainly not knowingly. I'm not that kind of man, I would never be and even more so not to you! You know how important you are to me, goodness, I love you with all my heart! I've loved you for years, nothing can take it away. It breaks me to think I made you feel like this, hell to even realize you're jealous--” he scoffed angrily but you could see it was directed at nobody else but himself as he ran a hand down his face “It's not anywhere near flattering or funny or cute when I see you like this. I shouldn't have let it get this far, it's my fault you feel like this, I know, but I promise-”

“Promise?” you breathed out, your voice barely above a whisper but somehow more effective than any screaming or jealousy fit you could throw as it made him stop on the instant, lips pressing shut “I think I've had enough of promises, Chris, don't you think?”

“Baby, I- I-” he frowned, not understanding how this had gotten so bad and maybe that was somehow comforting - certainly preferable to him encouraging her flirting knowingly or as a joke “I love you.”

“And I love you, but this-” you let out a shaky breath, shrugging numbly “It's not even jealousy, not anymore. Was it at first? Yes, yes it was. You're my boyfriend and you spent more time with her, out for drinks with Ana, out for a dinner with Ana and maybe some costar, interviews with Ana and talking in between breaks with Ana, letting Ana calm you down and comfort you when I-” you sighed “But as I said, not anymore. At this point... I don't have it in me to feel anything at all.”

“So-” you took hold of your things again “You can go ahead and have your fun and you don't have to feel sorry for me-” you hated how you sniffled but remained proud for how put together you still were “I hoped things were different but don't worry, I do know there is someone out there that at least wants my company, my presence in their life. I won't doubt that. I wished it was you but... what can you do?”

“Wh-what?” he breathed out shakily, his voice gruff as he slowly came to realize what you meant “What do you me-”

“Bye Chris, hope I'll see you... sometime within the next week, if you decide to show up at our place.” you gave him a tight-lipped smile before you rushed away.

He tried to reach out for you but you were faster, and him being still in shock and a mess of emotions, didn't have time to catch up with you. He stood in his place for a good few seconds, his heart hammering in his chest, eyes burning, lungs hurting and mind foggy. It didn't even register when he heard Ana speak to him, asking whether everything was alright, and him brushing her off with a small mumble before closing the door, maybe a bit too in her face but doesn't bring himself to care, and asking for some time alone. All the time he couldn't help but wonder how it all had gotten to this.

“Who...” he could only hear himself whisper with a deep frown, the thoughts running through his mind nowhere near pleasant as your words echoed again and again in his mind. He wanted to be even a bit angry, and maybe he was deep down underneath all this, but he couldn't fight the ache in his chest, the deep burn of jealousy which oh stung a lot, and ultimately the hurt than ran deep - even deeper when he realized that this was how he had made you feel - inevitably it brought a feeling of self-loathing as well.

But when he heard the small thud, of something falling, he realized it wasn't really a matter of who. He didn't even have the right to be angry at whoever was making you feel good, welcome and at ease; hell even if they made you feel wanted and desired, he had it coming and he even deserved it as much as he deserved the bitter taste in his mouth and jealousy in his heart. It was him who was at fault, him who had screwed up everything.

Looking down he saw the small object that had fallen from his pocket where he always kept it with him the past couple days, secured and safe away from eyes that could find it before it was the right time. He wanted to scoff bitterly at the thought, would he get the chance to find one after all?

“So much for a surprise huh?” he asks practically noone as he opens the box and takes the ring to toy with between his fingers.

[leossmoonn]

Unexpected Love [Kai Parker] || Part Two

masterlist | part one

pairing - kai parker x fem, human!reader

type - fluff, angst

note - read the first part, this cannot be read as a standalone! if you have read the first part then welcome back, thank you for reading the second part. so this part will be more focused on kai and the readers relationship and definitely all fiction lol (aka no actual scenes from the show) :) and part 3 is at the end!

summary - you and kai fall in love over a period of time after spending time with each other in the prison world

warnings / includes - language, alcohol, crying, fighting, mention/thinking of suicide, family trauma, lot of flirting in this one, suggestive, f/f = favorite flavour (of ice cream) lol

————

*gif isn't mine* (ugh hes so fine im dying)

I sat up straight and gasped, my eyes flying right open. I looked around frantically, sharp pain shooting right through my chest. 

“Ow,” I whined, pressing my hand gently to my side. 

“Oh, yeah. The first time you die here, it’ll hurt. I bet it’s not any different from what that ring does for you, though,” Kai’s voice ringed next to me. 

My head snapped to him, memories of what he did to me flooding back. 

“Get away from me!” I shouted, getting up out of the bed I was in. 

“I did you a favour, Y/n. You should thank me!” He exclaimed. 

“What favour! You robbed me of my only chance of getting home. Now we have no magic and the ascendent is broken!” 

“Stop shouting. Ugh, you’re giving me a headache,” he whined. 

I gave him a death glare. “You’re the one with the headache. You’re the one- I just… I’m going for a walk.”

I stomped out of the room, running down the stairs. I heard Kai’s footsteps from behind me. I walked as fast as I could without feeling any pain. Kai seemed to be full on sprinting, though, because he grabbed my wrist. 

“Let me go!” I exclaimed. “Please, Y/n. I’m sorry,” Kai pleaded.

I jerked my body away from him. “Shove it, Malachai. If you want me to forgive you, then you better leave me alone right now.”

He looked at me with wide, fearful eyes. I didn’t wait for him to say anything. I turned on my heel and made my way out of the house and back to the woods. I stomped the whole way there, my hands balled in tight fists. My fingernails dug into my skin as tears stained my cheeks. I just could not believe Kai. I knew he was a sociopath and a dick, but I didn’t think he would try to rob me of my chance at happiness. It was stupid how I thought he would even think about someone else and not himself. Sometimes he made it seem like he did care, though. It also seemed as my attraction to him from the first time we met was still there. I needed to get rid of it. I needed to find a way to get out here. Without Kai. 

I stopped walking as I realised I was deep in the woods. The cool breeze flew around me, calming me down. I closed my eyes and breathed out the air that I had been holding in. I opened my eyes to stare at the sky. It was a cloudless afternoon with bright sunshine. It was always like this. For the past few months this was all I had seen. I was more than sick of it. I wanted rain. Snow. Hail. Anything else but the sunshine for once. 

I released my hands from their fists, reaching my right hand up to my side where Bonnie’s jacket still was. I let out a strangled, but happy sound. I unwrapped it from my body, seeing that it had a huge red blood spot that was mine. I ignored it and held it up to my face, hugging it closely to my chest. 

“I’m getting out of here. I’m going home,” I promised to myself. 

I stayed in the woods until the sun started to set. I spent my time walking around some more, making up a plan. I knew how the ascendent looked before it was broken, and I was sure that Bonnie’s grimoire, that was thankfully still here, had a diagram of some sort, too. I could just build it back up. I took a shop class in high school and used to build cars with my dad, so I was quite the mechanic. Getting it to work without magic was the hard part, though. I needed a Bennett witch to access the spell. I knew Kai still had some of Bonnie’s magic in him, but I couldn’t risk telling him the plan and having it work, only for him to leave me here again. Plus, it’s not like having him use Bonnie’s magic would actually work. He wasn't actually a Bennett. He just happened to have her magic in him. 

I opened the door and stepped into the Salvatore house, looking around for Kai. I smiled, relieved that I couldn’t spot him anywhere. I shut the door behind me, kicking off my shoes and going to the liquor cabinet, popping off the top of a bottle of whiskey. I didn’t bother with a cup, I just downed it straight. The liquor burned my throat as I strutted to the kitchen, going over to the CD player and putting on Toni Braxton’s ‘Another Sad Love Song’.  

I danced around and got out the ingredients for a strawberry cake. As Toni’s song came to an end, I heard the front door open. I groaned loudly, my mood dropping immediately. I left the kitchen to see what Kai was up to. I laughed incredulously as I saw him carrying multiple duffle bags and a backpack. 

“Are you seriously moving in?” I asked. 

“Yep,” he nodded. “What part of ‘leave me alone’ do you not understand? Do I need to spell it out for you so it can get through your thick skull?” I snapped, taking ahold of his arm and dragging him back to the front door. 

“I understand!” He exclaimed. “Good. Then you’ll get out,” I sneered, pushing him out the door. I went to shut it, but his arm held the door open.

“I will smash your hand in this door,” I threatened.

“Yeah, I know, but hear me out. I can help you get back,” Kai said. 

I scoffed, “I don’t want nor need your help. Get out.” I pushed the door further in his face. He dropped his bags and used both hands to keep it open. 

“I know you don’t trust me and you have no reason to, but please. I still have Bonnie’s magic in me and I can fix the ascendent with her magic,” he begged. He pouted and put on his puppy dog face.

“No,” I said without any hesitation. “You get out of my life, okay? If I ever see you, hear you, or even smell you, you’re dead, okay?”

His eyes then filled with anger and frustration. “Fine!” He exclaimed. “You know, I only even wanted to help you because I want to get out of here. We both know that I would have only left you here alone.”

“Glad we’re on the same page, then,” I smiled sourly. “See you never.” And with that, I slammed the door in his face. 

I sighed deeply, smiling in satisfaction. I went back to the kitchen and resumed my cake making. 

A few hours later and I was finishing the last pieces of cake, and watching Forrest Gump.

“Life is like a box of chocolates, huh,” I muttered. “First I’m a regular girl with human friends and a family. And now I’m a girl who who has no family, vampires, werewolves, and witches for friends, and who is stuck in a never-ending prison world!”

I rolled my head around the couch ledge, my eyes looking out the window. It was pitch black now. The stars were shining brightly, many of them twinkling. 

“Mom, Dad, Jenny, Andrew. Bonnie and Damon. If you’re out there, please help me. Send someone or something. I-I can’t do this alone, and I definitely don’t want Kai’s help. Please help me,” I cried out. I hugged a couch pillow and Bonnie’s jacket. 

I hope someone could hear me up there. Otherwise I was screwed.

————

3 months later and I was still stuck in this hell-hole. Well, at least I think it had been 3 months. Ever since Kai kept me here, I had been counting the days. It had been approximately 90 days, give or take. I was beginning to think this was actually my own personal instead of Kai’s. 

Speaking of Kai, he actually had been pretty good of avoiding me. In these 90 days, I have only ran into him twice. Once was while I was going for a morning jog and the other was when I was venturing into town, walking to the Mystic Grill and all the shops. During my stay, I have also been documenting my days with an old video camera I found. I knew that I would get out, but just in case, I would be able to have all those memories saved and if I died somehow and never came back and someone else got trapped here, they could see the glamorous life of Y/n L/n. Or what was left of it at least. 

Today was going to be different, though. For the past few months, I had been sitting in my bedroom for most of the week, crying, talking to myself, screaming at the world. I had even considered killing myself once or twice, but I knew that I would only wake up in more pain and sadness. Every day I prayed and hoped for someone to come and find me. For my friends to find out a way to get to me, even though they didn’t have the ascendent or anything. It seems as more days past, the less and less hopeful I got, though. So, I decided that the only way I was getting out of here was to do it myself, regardless if I wasn’t a magical being. 

And so right now, I was trying to build the ascendent. I was almost there, actually. It was just these little parts that were so frustrating to put back together. 

“Go together, dammit!” I exclaimed out of frustration. 

I put the device down, running my hands over my face, thinking of a solution.  Maybe I should ask Kai for help. 

No. That would only end up with me screaming at him the whole time and potentially killing him. 

But he probably still had some go Bonnie’s magic left. He could help me get out. And plus, I could just push him away last minute when we go through the portal. 

I groaned out of annoyance. I didn’t know what the right answer was. I thought I did. I thought I could do this by myself. But it turns out I can’t. It’s a lot harder than I thought and the fact that I’m a human doesn’t help either. I bit my lip in thought, racking my brain for an answer. 

“You have to ask him to help, Y/n. It’s the only way,” I sighed to myself. 

I got up from my seat and put on my shoes and jacket. I went out of the house and got into Damon’s Chevy, driving it to Kai’s house. I clenched the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white as I parked in his driveway. Just the thought of seeing him made my stomach churn. Thing was, I didn’t quite know if it churned in a good way or bad. 

I stepped out of the car, putting the keys in my jacket pocket. I walked up to the door and gave it a good 3 knocks. A waited a few minutes, but no answer. I knocked a few more times and waited another few minutes. Still no answer. 

“Seriously?!” I whined, raising my hand to pound on the door, but Kai’s voice stopped me. 

“What are you doing here?” 

I turned around and saw him carrying grocery bags. 

“Oh. Good, you’re here,” I said, stepping down from his porch. 

“You never answered my question. What are you doing here?” He asked. 

“I need your help,” I confessed. 

His lips upturned into a smile. He let out a laugh. “Wow. Princess Y/n has gotten over her pride, huh?”

“And sociopathic Parker still harasses me with nicknames, huh?”

Kai frowned and walked up to the porch, passing by me and unlocking his house. 

“Sorry,” I sighed, following him into his house. “Will you please help me?”

“Hm, let me think about it,” he said, setting the grocery bags down. “No.”

I rolled my eyes. “C’mon! You barely thought about it. Why not?”

“Because I hate you,” he shrugged. “Why? What have I done to you?” I scoffed.

“Well, first of all you slammed a door in my face. Second, whenever we run into each other, you act like I murdered your whole family. And third, you denied my help before, but now you want it?  I think not,” he explained. 

“Look, I’m sorry. I really, really am, but I know for a fact that you want to get out. I want to, too! But I’ve learned that we can’t get out without each other. I’m sorry I let my pride take over me. So please help me,” I begged and apologised. 

Kai grinned at me. “I love this.” “Love what?” I asked. 

“I love seeing you beg,” he said, his voice dropping low. He started to walk towards me slowly. Stalking me like I was his prey. 

I backed away from him, my eyes trained on him. I let out a huff as my back hit a wall. My eyes widened and stared into his menacing eyes. 

“I love seeing you beg for me. Begging for my help like the helpless little human you are,” he muttered. 

He arms went around your sides, trapping in-between him and the wall. I breathed out heavily and shakily, averting my eyes. 

“I’m not helpless,” I protested. He smirked down at him, his eyes lighting up. “You sure about that, princess?”

The way he stressed my pet name set my fire to my heart, and set my stomach flipping. He head hung low. So low that I could fell his breath on my lips. I felt his knee nudge my thigh and that’s when I stopped breathing. I could fell myself slowly melting into a puddle right in front of him.  

“You gonna answer me, sweetheart, or are you just gonna stand there gawking at me?” He chuckled. 

I swallowed hard. “N-No.”

“Then answer me,” he teased me. “Y-Yeah… I’m sure about that,” I whispered. 

He hummed in reply. I let my eyes roam his face and set on his lips. 

“Offer is still there,” he said. “What offer?” I asked. 

“The offer to kiss me. Remember when I offered when we first met?” 

“O-Oh, yeah,” I stuttered, beginning to catch my breath

“The offer’s still there if you wanna take it.” My eyes flickered back up to his. I shook my head furiously. “I-I don’t want to take it.”

“Oh, I think you do,” he grinned. 

I then snapped out of my daze, putting my hand on shoulders and pushing back. “I said no.”

“Alright, alright,” he held his hand up in defense, backing further away from me. 

“Now you’ve had your fun, will you help me?” I asked, running my fingers through my hair. 

“I guess so,” he shrugged. My eyes lit up, “Really? Oh, my God! Yes!” 

I jumped up and went to hug him, wrapping my arms around him. I engulfed him tightly, entangling my fingers in his hair. It was surprisingly soft. 

“This feels nice,” Kai sighed. 

I groaned, “Okay. Moment ruined.” I pulled away, stepping back a good few feet. 

“You hugged me first,” he shrugged. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Alright, so when do you want to get started?” I asked. 

“After dinner,” he answered. “But it’s 2 pm,” I said. 

“I know. But how about you and me have dinner together,” Kai explained. 

“I thought you hated me?” I asked. “Oh, I do. I definitely do. That’s why I want to have dinner with you. I know just how to push your buttons. You’re so cute when mad,” he grinned. 

I growled at him. “And you are so annoying.” “See! So cute,” Kai scrunched his nose. 

“I bet it’ll be cute when I give you a black eye,” I muttered.

“It'd like to see you try. Anyways, if you want my help, then you’ll come to dinner with me,” Kai shrugged. 

I sighed, “Fine. What time? What do I need to cook?” 

“7 PM. And nope, I’ll cook.”

“O-Oh, really? You cook?” 

“Yep,” he grinned proudly. 

“Hm… Well, good to know. Anyways, I’ll be here at 7,” I said, making my way towards the door. 

“Make sure to dress up! This is gonna be fancy!” Kai called out. 

“Noted!” I exclaimed, stepping out of the house. I shut the door behind me, exhaling heavily. “Now you got a date with the town’s psycho, Y/n. Good going.” 

I strutted over to the car, getting in and driving back to my place. I read a few books to pass the time until I had to get ready. I got done with Twilight: Eclipse, as I actually had already started that the other day, and I went ahead and started to read more into Bonnie’s grams’s grimoire.

It was all so fascinating, really. I was so amazed by just the spells themselves, I didn’t even consider the history of all of them. While reading the grimoire, I started to feel a little jealous of the fact that Bonnie’s a witch, and the fact that I’m a human with a ring that keeps me alive whenever I got killed. I almost started to feel jealous of Damon and Tyler, but I knew that I never would want to be a monster. Being a witch would seem nice, though. Not like Kai, though. 

After a little heavy reading, I checked the clock. It was 5:49, which meant that I had to start getting ready. I put a bookmark in place in the grimoire and got up off the couch, heading up the stairs. I turned on the shower and got undressed. 

I took off my sweatpants and socks, followed by my shirt. As I reached for my shirt overhead, the front of it brushed my nose. An unfamiliar, but calming scent  filled my nose. I slipped the rest of the shirt off, turning it back right side out and held it up to my nose. I closed my eyes and breathed the scent in. It smelled like mint, paper of old books, and a little like grape jam. As soon as the grape jam smell came to me, I immediately knew who this scent belonged to. 

“Ew!” I shrieked and threw the shirt across the room. It landed in the laundry basket, luckily enough. I let out a gagging noise, taking off my underwear and getting in the shower quickly. 

I took my time washing up. Taking a shower seemed to be the only place I could really let go and bask in the quiet and loneliness that was in this house. It was strange because it was always quiet and lonely in this house. This was my only time to truly relax since I was doing everything to keep my busy during the day, so I wouldn’t start crying and throwing a fit about still being here. 

I lathered my body with shampoo, giving myself a little massage on my shoulders. I closed my eyes and started to imagine what life would be like if I wasn’t stuck in 1994. 

I would be with my friends, obviously. We would be at Whitmore, trying to live a normal life. Caroline, Elena, Bonnie and I would be having a picnic on campus. Sipping iced teas and eating sometime of desert. Damon would probably be with us, considering that Elena can’t be without Damon for more than 10 minutes without dying - literally. Stefan would most definitely be there. He’s my best friend, so of course he would be there. He would be talking to Caroline, though, her hogging all of his attention because she likes him (though she always denied it). And maybe Jeremy would be there, too, for Bonnie. Holding her hand and cuddling up next to her like the cute couple they are. And me? Well, I didn’t really have anybody special in my life. I actually had a thing with Kol Mikaelson before he died. I liked Tyler briefly in high school, but I’m 100% sure he’s into the girl that works at the coffee shop at Whitmore. Matt wasn’t my type at all. Neither was Enzo. Maybe I had a cute boy a Whitmore on my arm. A classmate that I had invited to the picnic. Someone cute, smart, funny… a little crazy. Maybe… Maybe Kai.  

My eyes snapped open as I became aware that Kai was now in my fantasy. I couldn’t help but shudder, even with the hot water running on my skin. I washed the rest of my body, focusing on anything else but Kai. I turned off the water, wrapping a towel around me. I dried my skin off as I walked to the sink, putting on lotion and re-brushing my teeth. I stepped back into my bedroom and put on a nude-coloured underwear set. It was simple and very, very comfortable. I then went over to my closet, looking for an outfit to wear. I shuffled through all my shirts, not being able to find one that I liked. I sighed in slight frustration, stepping back to try and see if anything stuck out to me. 

A little, annoying voice - that sounded much like my mother’s - sounded in the back of my head. 

Maybe you can’t decide on an outfit because you like him and want to look nice for him.

I scoffed loudly, shaking my head. “No. I definitely do not care. That’s why I’m just gong to wear this.” I reached into my closet and pulled out a simple dark-turquoise dress. It was spaghetti-strapped and plunged a little bit at the neckline. It reached down just above my knees. Perfect for dinner with an… associate. 

I slipped it on and back to the bathroom and did my hair, putting it in one of my favourite hairstyles. I then got out some makeup products. I put on a light coat of foundation and concealer, curling my eyelashes and brushing them up with mascara. I then shaped my eyebrows and filled in the sparce parts, dusting on some blush and putting on chapstick. I looked in the mirror, stepping back to look at my appearance. I cringed as it looked like I was going on a date. I shook those thoughts out of my head. I wasn’t dressing up for him, I was dressing up for myself. There’s no shame in wanting to look nice for yourself. 

I went back into the bedroom and found a pair of black heels. I slipped them on, going over to the dresser and putting on a few gold bracelets and a pair of earrings. I re-adjusted my necklace that I was already wearing. I looked at my reflection and smiled. For once, I felt and looked good. I grabbed a black jacket and walked out of my room, checking the time once again. I had 10 minutes to get his house, which was perfect. 

I went out of the house and to the Chevy, driving to Kai’s house. I parked in the driveway, my heart beginning to race. I let out a few deep breaths and go out of the car. As soon as I was about to knock, the door swung wide open.

The door revealed Kai who was wearing a white button-up shirt and dark-blue slacks. He actually looked… nice, for once. My eyes traveled around his chest. I couldn’t help but notice the way his biceps strained against his shirt. I could literally see his abs through the shirt, too. It did not help butterflies that were starting to flutter in my stomach. 

“Like what you see?” He smirked. 

My eyes flew up to his face, taking a deep breath to calm myself down from all the excitement I was feeling.

“No,” I said flatly, going into the house and brushing past Kai. 

“Well, you look nice,” he said as I walked into his kitchen. 

“Thanks. You do, too,” I complimented genuinely. 

“I’ve never seen you in a dress before. You should wear them more often.”

“I don’t like dresses.”

“But you like me. That’s why you wore one to our date?” 

I balled my hands in fists, turning around to face him. “One, this is not a date. And two, girls can wear dresses for themselves, not for men like you.”

Kai grinned widely at me. I realised I had fallen into his trap. He was trying to push my buttons and so far, he's been successful. I couldn't let him win, though. I had to calm down and get through this night. Otherwise I would probably never be getting out. 

“Your temper is almost as bad as Damon’s,” Kai remarked. 

I sighed, “Well you’re not making it easy to stay calm.”

“I know,” he chuckled, walking past me and to the dinner table. “I hope you like ravioli and mushrooms.”

“Did you make these or buy them?” I asked, walking towards the kitchen table. 

“Made them. The Salvatores have lots of cook books. I might have stole them before you came,” he explained. 

"Well, it smells great,” I admitted, beginning to take off my jacket.

“Glad you think so. Here, let me get this for you,” he slid over to me and took the jacket off my shoulders. He folded it and put it on the ledge of his couch. 

“Thanks,” I said. He then pulled my chair out for me. I sat down, thanking him this time with a smile. 

“Wine?” He asked, bringing a bottle over. “Yeah, sure,” I nodded. 

He poured two glasses and placed one in front of me. He sat down and took a knife and fork. 

“Dig in,” he offered. “This isn’t filled with like, cyanide, right?” I asked half-jokingly. 

“Ha-ha. No. I worked really hard on these,” he said. 

“Hm,” I hummed. I cut one of the raviolis in half and popped on in my mouth. My eyes widened as it tasted a lot better than I expected. 

“Good, right?” Kai smiled. 

“Very,” I nodded once I swallowed. 

We ate in silence for a few moments. I was itching to talk to him about getting home. I took a long sip of wine before beginning to take. 

“So um…. I’ve started to re-build the ascendent. It’s a lot harder than it looks, but I’m really close. I just have-”

“No,” Kai said suddenly. I furrowed my brows, “What?” “No, we aren’t going to talk about that just yet. I want to get to know you,” he explained. 

I rolled my eyes. “Why? All you need to know is my name and that I hate living here.”

He chuckled, “Not true. I have trust issues. So before I get involved with you, I need to know I can trust you. See, I didn’t trust Damon or Bonnie. I knew that they hated me from the second they met me. I knew that no matter what I would do, they would never give in to trusting me. You, however, you are so trusting. Didn’t you find it creepy that I, a strange man whom you met in a parking lot, offered you a ride?”

“Oh. I-I mean, I guess? But I needed a ride, anyways,” I said. 

He shook his head with a smile. “No. Not a good enough reason. Any reasonable woman would have run away from me. You, though… You saw something good in me, didn’t you? You thought I was nice and cute. Maybe a little too forthcoming, but still you put some trust in me. And if you can trust me, maybe I can learn to trust you.”

“Is that why you didn’t let me go with them?” I asked, suddenly connecting the dots. 

“Part of the reason. I knew that I had no chance of getting home with Damon and Bonnie. But with you, I knew that I had a chance. Even though you are just a human.” “I am more than that,” I argued. 

“And I’m sure you are! But you see, I don’t know that for sure because I don’t know anything about you. See what I’m getting at here?” “Yeah, I see,” I grumbled. “Great! So let’s start with the first question. Why do you always wear that necklace?” He pointed to my neck. 

“It was a gift,” I explained shortly, hoping he would notice the edge in my voice. 

“From who?” He asked, the corners of his lips upturning in a smirk. 

Of course he noticed. He just wasn’t going to stop. 

“Family member.” “C’mon, you gotta give me more. I can’t help you if I don't trust you.” I slammed my fork down on the table. “So? There’s a lot of people in the world that you don’t trust fully, but sometimes you just have to help them! Like in school, you may not trust one of your classmates personally, but if they ask you for help on a math problem, you would help them, right? And plus, I don’t trust you. I never did, for the record. I just really want to get out of this place, which now I am believing is my personal hell, not your’s, but I can’t do that without you!” 

Kai took a bite of his ravioli, taking his sweet time to chew and swallow. I clenched my knife, tempted to throw it into his carotid. 

“Watch your temper, princess. If you keep yelling at me, then I definitely won’t help you.” I closed my eyes and breathed in slowly, trying to calm myself down. “Fine. Sorry. I just don’t want to answer the questions about my necklace.”

“Oh, I know. That’s why I’m asking,” he grinned. 

I rolled my eyes, settling back in my seat. “Please, don’t. It’s really personal.”

“You know, I killed my family. It can’t get any worse than that,” he shrugged. 

“Yeah, well, this is worse to me,” I muttered. “What? Did you kill your whole family, too? Man, I didn’t know we were so similar,” he chuckled. 

“No. They got murdered right in front of me,” I whispered out. Tears prickled the corners of my eyes. I lowered my gaze to my almost-empty plate. Thick, uncomfortable silence filled the room. I tried to fight the tears that threatened to fall, but as memories came back, I could no longer hold them off. 

“I-I’m gonna go. Thanks for dinner, Kai.” My voice was hoarse as I spoke. I swallowed hardly, trying to clear my throat, but it felt like shards of glass were rubbing the sides of it. 

I went to grab my jacket and wrapped it around me, reaching out for the doorknob, but Kai pulled me back. He wrapped his fingers around my wrist gently, but firmly. He tugged me back slightly, enough for me to turn around and look him in the eyes. The expression on his face was something that I had never seen on him before. He looked regretful, guilty; full of remorse. For once I didn’t feel annoyed or scared of him. 

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” he spoke softly, his blue eyes boring into my e/c eyes. 

“I-It’s alright. It’s not your fault,” I sniffled. “No… I-I should have known this was too personal for you to want to share,” he admitted. 

“Yeah, well, I know how much you like to push my buttons,” I chuckled. 

“I do. I admit that. But I really do want to get to know you.” I narrowed eyes at him, crossing my arms around my chest and leaning back in my chair. “Why?” 

“Because I… I think you’re interesting. When I was watching you and your friends, I was able to discover things. Things about Bonnie and Damon. But you… I couldn’t figure out a thing about you. You talk a lot to Damon, and I know you’re really close with Bonnie, but you’re still so private. I’m such an open person, so it was weird for me to see you be so closed-off, but outgoing at the same time,” he explained, his cheeks glowing pink as soon as he finished. 

I couldn’t believe what I had heard him say. He was finally saying nice things about me in a sincere tone. I couldn’t help but smile and softened up. “Really?”

“Yeah,” He shrugged sheepishly. “Hm,” I buzzed. 

“So, will you stay and we can get to know each other? I promise I won’t ask you about your family anymore,” he said. 

I stared at him intensely. As much as I wanted to say no, every fiber in my body was screaming yes. 

“Alright, sure. I’ll stay,” I nodded. I knew that if I said no, he probably wouldn't help me get back home, but I was actually looking forward to staying. It seemed as though my feelings for him were developing a lot quicker and stronger than I thought they ever would. 

A bright smile lit up his face immediately. “Great! Do you want to continue eating? I have some ice cream, too, if you want.”

“Ice cream sounds good,” I answered. He nodded and let go of my wrist, walking to his freezer. 

I felt alone and cold all of the sudden. I felt myself start to miss his hand on me, holding my arm. His skin was so warm and surprisingly soft. I wanted him to touch me all over. 

“Take a seat on the couch.” His voice broke me out of my dirty thoughts. 

I shrugged away the thoughts and made my way to the sofa, taking a seat and making myself comfortable. 

“Do you want a blanket of anything?” He asked, setting down two bowls. 

“I’m good for now, thanks,” I said, reaching her to grab a bowl. “F/f?” I asked. 

“Yeah. This one of the few things I found out about you,” he smiled sheepishly, taking his bowl and sitting down next to you. 

“Indeed I do. I assume you do, too?” I guessed. “Yep,” he nodded.  “Hm. So, what do you want to know about me?” I asked. 

“What’s your favourite colour?”

“F/c.” “Do you have any pets back at home?” He asked.

“I had a cat a few years ago. She died, though.” “Oh, I’m sorry,” he frowned. “It's alright. She was 20, so she was bound to die soon,” I shrugged. 

He nodded. “What’s life like back at home?”

I took a bite of ice cream, thinking for a few moments. “Fun. Busy, but really happy and colourful.”

“Are you in college?” He asked. “Yeah. Second year,” I answered.  “What’re you studying?” 

“I’m majoring in human studies and minoring in art and design.” “Sounds fun.” 

“It is. And a little stressful,” I chuckled. He laughed with me, looking away from me for a moment and then looking back. 

“Do you have a boyfriend, or girlfriend, back at home?” He asked. 

“Nope. I’ve been single for a good couple years,” I said. 

“You? Single? I find that hard to believe,” he snorted. “Why?” I asked, my heart fluttering just thinking about his answer. 

Kai smiled softly at me. “Well, for starters, you’re beautiful. You’re strong and confident. You know what you want and have no issue in fighting for it. You’re a little hot-headed, but I find it attractive. You’re very smart; I see you reading almost everyday. You’re determined and dream big. I can tell you really care about your friends and family, despite how much you and Damon bickered. You’re like a girl in a novel or movie that other girls want to be.”

My whole face went warm at his explanation. My lips were upturned into the most cheek-aching smile, too. 

“And you said it was hard to find things out about me,” I giggled, nudging his foot with mine. 

“Well, I couldn’t find out personal things about you. That's all just from observation,” he shrugged, not seeming to be embarrassed. 

I nodded, “Well, now you know a few personal things about me.”

“That I do.” “I…. I thought you liked Bonnie, too,” I spoke my thoughts out loud. 

 “She’s beautiful, too. She’s also incredibly smart and intuitive. She’s very strong and nice. But you’re the one that really caught my eye.”

“Oh,” I smiled impossibly wider. “Well, good to know.” “Yep,” he popped the ‘p’. I couldn't help but notice how his gaze dropped down to my upper chest, where my necklace sat. 

“They died one and a half years ago,” I started. 

His eyes flew up to mine. “You don’t have to-”

“No, no. It’s alright. Um… so it was at night. Everyone else was at the house, but I had snuck out to go to a party hosted by Caroline. At this time, I was involved with a vampire named Kol. He convinced me to go out. I knew it was wrong and I was going to get in trouble. I was what some would call a goody-two shoes. Anyways, I stayed out until like, 2 in the morning. I was getting tipsy and tired. So, Stefan, Damon’s brother, drove me home. When I first arrived at my house, it looked completely normal. It was quiet and peaceful. It wasn’t until I walked into my house when I knew something was wrong. There were lights on upstairs. It felt so tense, too. I could literally feel how tense and thick the air was.” I stared down at my ice cream for multiple minutes, blinking rapidly as tears fell. 

“I went upstairs and that’s when I saw him. He was tall and wearing a ski-mask, like he was trying to rob us. I guess he had other things he wanted to do, too. He didn’t see me at first, though. It wasn’t until he shot my dad when I started to cry and that’s when he noticed me. I ran away though and into my sibling’s room. I saw that they were still were asleep and safe. So I did the first thing I thought was sensible. I called Stefan. I explained to him that someone had murdered my dad. And as I called him, I heard my mom scream,” I shuddered as her scream ringed in my ears. 

“That’s when I heard the door being kicked open downstairs and I knew that Stefan was there. He had brought Caroline and Damon, too, with Bonnie. They were all here to help and I was so appreciative of them. I thought they were going to kill the guy, which was honestly what I wanted. But apparently, the murderer was a vampire. An old one, too, which meant he was stronger than everyone. My friends put up a good fight and I tried to get Andrew and Jenny out of the house, but as soon as we were going down the stairs, the murderer sped up to us and snapped both of their necks. I-It all happened so fast. I….I just couldn't register what was happening. They both just fell limp in my arms. I didn’t know what to do but cry. I was practically screaming while crying, cursing at the murderer. I tried to fight him, but I was so tired and weak, he almost ended up killing me, but luckily Stefan got to him the fastest and ripped his heart out. He fell right on top of me, too. I will never forgetting the weight I was feeling just then. Metaphorical and physical. I pushed him off of me and collapsed into Stefan’s arms. He held me for what seemed like forever until I stopped crying.”

I felt Kai move closer to me, putting a comforting hand on my hand. I smiled softly at him, letting out a deep breath as I was about to finish the story. 

“I didn’t come to school for four months after that. I didn’t even come out of my room during that time. My friends took turns everyday taking care of me. Stefan was on cooking duty, Caroline, Elena, and Bonnie switched roles of helping me bathe, getting me to eat, trying to get me to take a step out of bed. Damon and Jeremy provided the jokes and funny stories to try and get me to feel better. Alaric, who was acting like Elena and Jeremy’s parent, adopted me into their family. He said it was Elena and Jeremy’s idea and he agreed fully. After my grieving period, I moved in with the Gilberts. Elena and Jeremy called me their sister and I fell into that role. It was nice to have a family again. It was nice to have siblings again. To have a parent again. I knew it wasn’t real, though. Jeremy and Elena acted like it was real, though. They were so welcoming of having me as a sister, it was just so good. Once I went to college, though, I tried to get a little more independent. Bonnie was gone, actually, so all I had was Caroline and Elena. But we made it work. I’m so thankful for all of them. They really helped me and never gave up on me. Even when I threw fits about getting out of bed,” I smiled at the memories of them helping me. 

“Anyways,” I shifted on the couch. “The summer before college, I ended up cremating my family and spreading them across the Pacific Ocean, thanks to Damon who gladly took me on a trip.”

“Wow,” Kai breathed out. “I know,” I chuckled.

“You have really great friends. I’m sorry that all happened to you,” he said. “I-I can’t imagine what you went through. And what you’re still going through.” “Yeah, well, I’m the survivor here. You’re an actual murderer,” I smirked. 

He laughed, “True. You know, if you know that I’m a murderer, then why do you agree to spend time with me?”

I sighed and set the empty bowl of ice cream on the table. “Well, you’re right. I am trusting. I see the good in people and I see the good in you. When I was about to walk out the door, I saw the good in you. I see the good in you now. You can be good, Kai. I know it’s hard considering what you have been through, but you are just as much as a survivor as I am.” I intertwined our fingers and put my other hand on his forearm. 

“You were abused as a child. You were punished for being different. And although that doesn’t excuse you killing your siblings, you still deserve love. I don’t know how being in a coven works, but I do know how being in a family works. You’re supposed to love each other and your father didn’t give you that love. Sure, you’re a little… eccentric at times, but you still have feelings like everyone else. I know Damon and Bonnie called you a sociopath, and I know I did, too, but now that I’ve seen this side of you, I know you’re different. You should be able to resent your father for being blamed for being a siphoner. Which, by the way, I think it really cool, honestly. I-I’m sorry for yelling at you and getting really mad all those times,” I apologised, looking at him in the eyes to know I was sincere. 

He shrugged with a smile, “Well I didn’t make it easy on you.”

I laughed, “No, you did not. Anyways… You are a survivor Kai. A survivor of your family and this world. You deserve a lot more than you think.”

“Thank you. I guess that’s true,” he said. 

I smiled and leaned into him, “I know it’s true.”

He smiled at me, his hand tightening around mine. My eyes trailed down to his lips, ogling them for a good few moments. 

“Does the necklace has pictures of them?” Kai asked. 

I leaned away immediately, my hand slipping out of his. “Yeah, do you want to see them?” 

He nodded, moving closer to me so our thighs were touching. I took off the necklace, opening it up and showing him the left side where my parent’s picture sat. 

“That’s my dad, Owen, and that’s my mom, Louisa,” I pointed. 

“You look just like your mom,” Kai muttered. 

I looked to my right, seeing that he was staring right at me. I blushed a little, looking down shyly. “Yeah. We got our genes from our mom.”

“Are they Andrew and Jenny?” He pointed to the right side of the locket. 

“Yep. Andrew is 10 and Jenny is 13,” I said. 

“They look like good kids,” he commented. “They were. I often wish that it was me who died instead of them,” I murmured. 

“Why?” 

“Because I was the one who snuck out that night. Plus, my mom and I were having some relationship issues. She was always so irritated with me and criticizing everything I did. The last thing I said to her that night was “I hate you. I wish I had a different mom.”,” My lips were pulled down in a deep frown. 

“Well, you didn’t mean that, right?” Kai guessed. 

“I didn’t,” I shook my head. “Well, that’s all that matters,” he said. 

I nodded and looked up at him. 

“You have a little… Here,” he said and lifted up his hand. He cupped my cheek, his thumb running across my cheekbone, wiping a few tears away. 

My breath hitched as I felt myself leaning towards him. There was like this magnetic pull that I was feeling. I knew I couldn’t fight it if I tried. His eyes met mine, staring intensely at me. My eyes flickered down to his lips. They looked so soft. So pink. So unbelievably kissable. I was about to close the space in-between us when Kai stopped me.

He put his hand on my shoulder, pushing me back. 

“What? Did I read the situation wrong? I’m so sorry,” I rushed out, getting up from the couch. 

Kai’s hand grabbed my forearm roughly, pulling me back down on the couch. 

“No, it’s not that. You read the situation totally right it's just that… I’ve never kissed anyone before,” he admitted, looking down shyly. 

I smiled softly, reaching my hand out for his. “It’s alright. We don’t have to do anything. It’s late, anyways. I should get going.” I looked at the clock, noticing that it was 9:30. 

“Or you can stay and we can watch a movie?” He suggested. “Sure,” I nodded with a smile. “Can I take my shoes off?” “Yeah, of course. Actually um, do you want a change of clothes?” He asked. 

“Yeah, if you don’t mind,” I nodded. 

“Sweatpants and t-shirt work for you?” He asked. 

“It definitely does,” I said. “Great. I’ll be right back, go ahead and make yourself comfortable,” he said, getting up from the couch. 

I smiled and nodded, taking my shoes and jacket off. I leaned back on the couch, sighing. I could not believe I was making nice with someone who tried to kill me. Damon was right. My type is crazy.

————

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Part Three is right here!

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[lucemferto]

I talk about the current troubles of the Dream SMP.

If you want to help me out, please reblog! You can also retweet my tweet and upvote my reddit post. Thank you.

Script under the cut

I really hope Technoblade succeeds in breaking Dream out of prison.

Now why would I say that? Well, it’s because there’s this feeling in the fandom right now that Dream SMP Season 3 is … going slow. That there’s not much happening. Some have blamed it on the pace of how lore streams are doled out, saying we get too little lore stretched out over too much time. Others postulate that it’s the quality of the lore – that the individual plot points are badly told or that the high production value of certain streams prevent the story from gaining momentum.

Now, because I’m me, I think I identified the problem as something that’s structurally wrong with Season 3 as opposed to Seasons 1 and 2. In order to explain that we must look at one of my favourite narratological theories: the Three-Act-Structure.

But before we get into that, here’s your obligatory reminder to please like this video, comment your thoughts down below in order to help me with YouTube’s algorithm and subscribe if you really like my stuff. Please feel free to check out my social media presences and share my videos on there so that more people have the chance to see them. Thank you so much.

Let’s get back to the video:

 Chapter 1: The Three-Act-Structure Explained

The Three-Act-Structure as a model to explain narratives finds its roots far in the past with its earliest recorded instance being in the fourth century by the Roman grammarian Aelius Donatus though similar ideas were also expressed by everyone’s favourite Greek philosopher Aristotle.

Since then, the model has been continuously evolved and used throughout recorded history. There are also alternative models such as the Five-Act-Structure, the Six-Act-Structure, the Eight-Act-Structure, the … Nine-Act-Structure, Jesus Christ. But the Three-Act-Structure has reigned the undisputed champion in modern-day creation and analysis of narratives.

The particulars of the Three-Act-Structure as we know it today were codified in Syd Field’s 1979 work “Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting”, which has since become the Go-To-Work when it comes being a screenwriter in Hollywood. You want to write a script? You need the read the “Screenplay”.

The modern Three-Act-Structure is comprised of the following points/sequences:

-       The Backstory/Exposition: Exactly what it says on the tin. Sets up the Ordinary World that the characters inhabit, let’s us know about what character’s general deal is. It serves as an introduction to the story and world of your narrative.

-       The Point of Attack: This one is not often talked about and doesn’t feature in every story, but it’s still worth mentioning. This is where the major tension/conflict/dramatic question (structurally, these terms fulfil roughly the same function) is set into motion. It usually doesn’t include the protagonists of the story, but rather the antagonists.

-       The Inciting Incident: This is where the protagonists are sent on their way. We are introduced to their personal conflict and given a reason as to why they would have to leave the Ordinary World behind.

-       The Turning Point: This marks the end of Act I, where the personal conflicts of the protagonists and the major conflict of the overarching story intersect and coalesce. It is the natural fallout of the inciting incident, the big dramatic status quo change that we need in order to get the story going.

This naturally leads into Act II, where all the minor character conflicts are resolved and integrated into the larger conflict. This is what is referred to as the Rising Action: through the resolution and incorporation of the minor conflicts into the major conflicts, the story gains momentum. The action rises.

This act has two big culminations:

-       The Mid Point: The first culmination or Mid-Point sees some sort of shift in the major conflict. Maybe all the minor conflicts set-up in Act I are resolved and thus the major conflict becomes the full focus or the major conflict gains an additional factor. Instead of defeating the evil bad guy, the Heroes now have to defeat the Bad Guy and save the Damsel

-       The Lowest Point: The Lowest Point marks the end of Act II. Here the villains are just short of victory or maybe even achieve victory. In a romantic movie, this is the cliché end of Act II fallout which naturally leads into chasing the Hero chasing the love interest into an airport.

With the Lowest Point, the Heroes begin the third act almost or fully defeated. The stakes are high and everything seems hopeless. But then comes:

-       The Twist/Resolution: Usually, the twist coincides with either the protagonist or some sort of character having a eureka-moment or resolving their personal conflict – their Want vs. Need.

-       The Climax: With their problems resolved, the protagonists can venture forth to stop the villains or antagonistic force or save their love life.

-       The Dénouement: After the villain’s defeat/the resolution of the final conflict, the protagonist returns to the ordinary world, but changed by their experiences. The Dénouement is the one part of Act III, that can really drag it out – think the many, many endings of Return of the King for instance.

Up until now, I usually focused on that end of Act II/Act III-part when discussing the storytelling of the Dream SMP such as the Final Disc War, November 16th or Doomsday. Because Doomsday wasn’t just the Lowest Point in terms of storytelling quality.

But for Season 3, I instead want to focus on this section, The Inciting Incident and The Turning Point. Because this is where the current storytelling falters. The narrative has failed to pick up momentum, something that is achieved through a successful Inciting Incident and Turning Point.

So, I want to make the theory palpable and apply the Three-Act-Structure – with focus on Act I and early Act II – to all three Seasons of the Dream SMP to see where Seasons 1 & 2 succeeded and Season 3 failed.

 Chapter 2: The Three-Act-Structure Applied

Despite being much less written out and planned and more focused on the roleplay-aspect, both Season 1 and Season 2 somehow stumbled into recreating the Three-Act-Structure pretty well (S2 had its problem, but on the whole, it was still generally discernible).

I’m not here to discuss why narrative conventions and tools of literary analysis are applicable to something as seemingly idiosyncratic as the Dream SMP, I will do that in a future video. For the purposes of this video, we will simply have to take it at face value that these tools are applicable.

Season 1, which was probably the most consistently and competently written out of the three seasons thus far, has a very clear major tension/conflict: Who gets to steer the fate of L’Manburg, whether that be through stewardship or dissolution. It ties deeply into the personal conflict of our protagonist Wilbur as well as the external threat as represented by our villain JSchlatt, the best character in the story.

And not just that, basically every character whether that be Tommy, Tubbo, Niki, Fundy, Dream or Technoblade is invested in seeing this major tension resolved.

All this is achieved through a wonderful inciting incident and turning point. The inciting incident, the personal conflict for our protagonists, is Wilbur calling a presidential election. He wants to solidify power; his personal conflict being gaining full control over L’Manburg – I will talk about it more in my Wilbur-video.

This leads to the Turning Point, which in this case is a very natural cause and effect: Wilbur loses the election his sense of self shattered and JSchlatt, best character, takes over L’Manburg declares himself Emperor and exiles Tommy and Wilbur. The protagonists are forced out of their Ordinary World and the dynamic of the server is changed forever. The Main Tension or Major Conflict has been fully established.

This has server-wide consequences that every character is impacted by. All the many personal conflict are now framed by this all-encompassing major conflict. Thus, everything feels like it’s building up towards the same climax. Whether that be Fundy’s personal conflict as a deep-undercover spy, Niki’s conflict as the resistance in Manburg, Quackity’s struggle for power under Schlatt or the threat of Schlatt trying to expand Manberg into Dream SMP territory.

This even applies to the most disconnected conflict in Act II: The War between Sapnap and Tommy. Because even here, Sapnap’s stated goal is to gather enough power to take over Manberg. Now, that the power dynamic has shifted once it has signalled to other antagonists that the power dynamic can shift once more. The Balance of the Ordinary World is disrupted.

And from the Pogtopia-side, this conflict serves as a great way to not only build up their team, but also as a mini-version of their major conflict. If they cannot defeat Sapnap, what chance do they stand against Big Bad Emperor Schlatt.

Season 2, in spite of all the problems that it has, also managed to pull off the inciting incident and turning point rather well. The Inciting Incident here being Tommy burning down George’s house – his intent being to gain some leverage to win his discs back – which then again lead very gracefully into the Turning Point: Tommy being exiled from L’Manburg.

Tommy’s personal conflict – regaining his discs – was folded into the major conflict: Breaking Dream’s grip over the SMP (and in effect creating a new power dynamic on the server).

Tommy’s exile led to Tubbo being pushed by Quackity to institute the Butcher Army – an antagonistic force intent on making L’Manberg the strongest nation on the server; in effect dethroning Dream. This would of course lead to Hog Hunt and Technoblade’s involvement; ultimately bringing a lot of momentum into the narrative.

Now, Season 2 doesn’t pull this off as graciously as Season 1: You will have noticed that both the Inciting Incident as well as the Turning Point are pretty exclusively focused on Tommy which leads to the major conflict revolving mostly around Tommy and the characters in his orbit – which is not ideal when dealing with an ever-expanding ensemble cast.

While Season 1’s Inciting Incident and Turning Point also had Wilbur as their centre point, they were open enough to allow for other characters such as Quackity, Sapnap and most crucially Schlatt to naturally integrate themselves into the narrative.

What also doesn’t help is that the Rising Action up until the Midpoint is almost exclusively focused on Tommy as I discussed in my Philza-video. There is dramatic and narrative momentum, but it comes at the expense of basically every other character or storyline. The Butcher Army and New L’Manburg are painfully underexplored.

But still, despite its flaws, Season 2 managed to get the ball rolling. So where did Season 3 go wrong?

The main problem that Season 3 has is that it presented us with a large number of potential inciting incidents, but no concrete turning point. We have a lot of personal conflicts, but are as of yet missing the big major tension or conflict that ties it all together; that gives the framework in which the personal conflicts of the characters can intersect and resolve.

I think just to showcase how scattershot Season 3’s storytelling is right now; I’ll have to list all the big plot points of the season as they happened:

1.    Tommy meets with the Egg and shows an immunity to it. The Egg orders the Eggpire to kill Tommy in order to proceed with their plan

2.    The prison gets into lockdown mode, while Tommy is visiting Dream

3.    Tommy gets killed by Dream

4.    Tommy gets resurrected by Dream

5.    Technoblade and Ranboo come into contact with the Egg

6.    Quackity comes into contact with the Egg

7.    The Syndicate meets up and checks out Snowchester

8.    Tubbo loses a nuke

9.    The Red Banquet

10.  Tommy breaks into the prison

11.  Wilbur gets resurrected

Now, quite a number of those could have worked as either inciting incidents or turning point with some narrowing the scope of the narrative more than other. The early points involving Tommy for instance would have pushed him again into the role protagonist akin to how it worked in Season 2, while others like the Syndicate, the Red Banquet or Wilbur’s resurrection would have established the respectively involved groups or characters as the drivers of the major tension.

But none of these avenues are taken. All these conflicts are still insular; their resolutions don’t build to anything.

Tommy’s resurrection – which in my opinion is the first plot point that could have been used as the Turning Point relatively easily – changes the course of the prison and Las Nevadas-storyline, but has little to no impact on the Eggpire, Syndicate or Nuke-storylines.

Similarly, Tubbo losing the nuke could have led to the major tension becoming every faction hunting for the missing nuke in order to fulfil their personal agendas. But again, no dice.

And this just keeps adding up and up. Each new plot point subconsciously leads the viewer to expect that this will be the one to establish a major, unifying tension for the season – and then nothing comes of it. Though the volume of “lore” is still relatively high, the narrative momentum that is needed in order to make the viewer invested in the storyline is diminished with every potential turning point that is ignored in favour of more set-up.

And this structural problem of Season 3 when compared to Seasons 1 and 2 is made the most apparent when looking at …

 Chapter 3: The Eggpire

Oh, my poor boys. Where did it all go wrong?

To give some context: The Eggpire or Crimson-storyline actually started in the middle of Season 2, where they managed the impossible: Establishing a storyline with some narrative momentum and impact outside of the major conflict.

So, how did they do that and do it successfully at that?

The first thing we need to understand is that the Season 2 Eggpire-storyline basically involved no one from the “principal cast”. As such, the story was not chained to the developments that were going on there – such as Exile, Hog Hunt, the Green Festival, etc. – and instead had more freedom to do their own stuff.

The Eggpire-storyline in Season 2 was for the most part self-contained. So much so, that people were viewing it not as a part of the on-going narrative, but rather in the vein of Tales from the SMP: A story that stands alone, the resolution of which would have no impact on the server as a whole.

And, to be fair, they could have gone that route. But the writer(s) behind the Eggpire-storyline decided to be more ambitious.

The Eggpire-storyline in Season 2 follows its own mini-version of the Three-Act-Structure, with BadBoyHalo serving as its protagonist. The big narrative movements coincide and are influenced with dramatic movement in his own personal conflict. He is the Wilbur of this storylines – the once good man (relatively speaking), who falls from Grace.

Now, the thing that makes the Eggpire-storyline in Season 2 quite brilliant is that they ultimately tied the resolution of their tension into the major conflict/tension of the Season 2.

Doomsday saw the Lowest Point of the main storyline of Season 2. With L’Manburg’s destruction and Dream’s future imprisonment, there was a huge power vacuum on the server – a power vacuum that BadBoyHalo, now fully under the control of the Egg, was ready to fill.

The climax of the Eggpire-storyline in Season 2 saw the rise of the Eggpire as they spread the seeds of the Crimson in the L’Manburg-crater, intent on taking over server – thus adding onto the dramatic tension that Doomsday already established, making the Lowest Point feel even more foreboding and successfully linking their erstwhile separate storyline to the main tension of the overall narrative. The villains for Season 3 seemed to be perfectly set-up.

And then Season 3 rolled around and they … bungled it completely.

Though the Eggpire eventually came into contact with almost every active character in Season 3 – such as Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, Technoblade and Quackity – they completely failed at driving the major conflict and establishing themselves as the main antagonistic force of the storyline the same way Schlatt and Dream had done in the Seasons prior.

The biggest missed opportunity in that regard is without a doubt the Red Banquet. Now, I talked in the past about how the Red Banquet failed just on its own – at least a specific aspect of it – but now we’ll have to talk about how the Red Banquet fails in the context of Season 3.

Because this was the moment that all the storylines could have been brought together. The Eggpire could have succeeded in their endeavour and established themselves as the most prominent force on the serve. This event would have impacted the server as a whole and thus the entire storyline.

Immediately we would have had a major conflict to drive all other storylines – such as Tommy’s storyline, Snowchester, the Syndicate, Kinoko Kingdom and Las Nevadas – to stop the Eggpire from fully taking over the server. All the character-specific conflicts could have then happened within the framing of this major tension.

Maybe Tubbo and the rest are hunting for the nuke, because they think it’s the only way to stop the Eggpire. Maybe the Eggpire wants to free Dream, because he could be of use for the Crimson. Tommy could get abducted by the Eggpire because he is some sort of chosen one or whatever and the onus would fall on the other characters to save him and stop the villains – so Tommy would become the damsel effectively.

Maybe they decide that the only way to defeat the Eggpire is to bring back Wilbur and that’s how that storyline gets integrated. Maybe the disparate forces disagree on that or other plot-points and there’s some infighting between them.

But still: All conflicts would be unified by this one major tension. The Red Banquet would have been the Turning Point to lead into Act II of Season 3, where all the problems would be viewed with the knowledge that the Eggpire and the Crimson was looming in the distance.

Alas, we did not get that. Instead, the Red Banquet turned out to be just another plot point in a long line of plot points that promises more in the future. Smaller personal conflicts are resolved just within the limited scope of their individual storyline and a major tension is yet to be seen.

When Bad says that there’s just one more Egg-stream planned, I hope he’s either misleading or not being clear enough on what he means. Because if this was it; if the Eggpire-storyline just kinda dies here – too connected to all other storyline to be seen as standalone and yet too separated to be enjoyed in the context of Season 3 as a whole – then it would be a worse writing choice than Doomsday.

 Epilogue: How the Prison Break can bring it all together

To bring it all back to the sentence I opened this video with: I hope Technoblade succeeds in breaking Dream out of prison, because this could finally be the Turning Point that introduces a major tension to the narrative of Season 3.

I hoped that Wilbur’s resurrection would fill that role, but disappointingly that plot point is again relegated to driving the tension of a few chosen storylines instead of providing a major tension for all players involved.

And with five months into Season 3, this Act 1 has gone on for far too long! For comparison, the entire written storyline of Season 1 encompassed 4 months. Season 2 took place in only 2 months. Season 3 has already exceeded both their runtimes and still seems to have yet to truly start.

Whether Technoblade breaks Dream out or Quackity succeeds in trapping Technoblade in Pandora’s Vault – there needs to be a turning point somewhere in sight.

Because my biggest fear is that we’re already past it. That the Eggpire-storyline will just fizzle out and that some other plot point will retroactively reveal itself as the turning point – because that would mean that Season 3 would have a horrifically unfocused, saggy and just generally unengaging second act. And that would be a shame.

Thank you so much for watching. Once again, please feel free to like, comment and subscribe. The links to my social media are all in the description down below. I have a bunch of stuff planned for the future including a very long video on Wilbur as well as two videos that have nothing to do with Dream SMP.

Until then, please be excite.

[bouncingkadachi]

Blessed Rain

Summary: A Hunter’s weapon of choice says a lot about them. OR: Kyle upgrades his weaponry and gets caught red-handed in the act. Luckily (?) for him, only Tsukino seems to know exactly why he's having an emotional crisis over this.

Word count: 3,260

Note(s): set post-game

Also available on AO3!

Kyle’s had his new bow for a good couple of weeks before the feel of the limbs and the weight of the draw became comfortable enough for him to consider upgrading it. If he’s going to be injured, he reasons, he’d rather it be purely by way of monster and not because he pulls a muscle wrestling with a bow that hasn’t been properly broken in. His wallet despairs as he forks over the zenny, but this’ll hopefully let him take on some of the bigger hunts like the ones that Reverto goes on. It’ll all be worth the investment up front once he has his completely finished bow and restocked his coatings and finally drops the last of his coin on a couple new talismans.

He refuses to think about the implications of his reasoning with a literal coin, rolling it around and around his fingers as he pushes through the market throngs towards the smithy’s. Perhaps he ought to have a change of scenery—the fog-shrouded summits of Terga were said to be particularly beautiful at this time of year, and the heat in Lamure was becoming just shy of unbearable.

The final product that the blacksmith puts into his hands when he finally makes it to collect is nothing short of gorgeous. Blessed Rain is sleek where his old Rex bow was bulky, far lighter and certainly not as clunky. The upgrades on the riser gives the entire weapon a pleasant solidness in his hand, yet the delicately reinforced plating on the limbs doesn’t retract at all from its flexibility. The decorative grip protector gleams. Just looking at it makes Kyle excited to shoot.

“Bring her back if you’re finding that you need anything adjusted,” the smith tells him after Kyle’s diligently inspected every inch of the bow. “Kept the poundage the same for you, but added another inch to the draw length like you asked.”

“Thanks,” Kyle says. Eventually, he’d like to work up to the point where he can up the poundage again. Even just another five pounds would be good. He can do most of the hunts in his skill range alone now, but extra firepower would make him just that much more efficient, or that much of a better support for team hunts. 

The smith laughs when Kyle sheepishly admits this. “Well, I always like to help a Hunter improve, and you know where to find me,” he says cheerily, clapping Kyle enthusiastically on the shoulder. “Come by again anytime if you need a tune up or want to test out something new.” 

And with that, he waves Kyle away so that another Hunter can step up, holding a tired-looking sword and shield and looking equally exhausted. “Aye, rookie Hunter?” Kyle hears as he wanders off to find a more relaxed corner of the market in which to admire his new bow some more. “If you’ve got the materials I can repair and upgrade that for you.” The conversation peters out and melts into the general din of the marketplace as Kyle slips into the crowd, taking care to step out of the way of a Felyne carrying an absolutely massive basket groaning with produce. He watches the precarious load totter away, trying and failing to locate Tsukino in the brief respite the parted crowd affords him. They’d split earlier that morning and he hasn’t seen her since.

He still hasn’t managed to find even a whisker of Tsukino’s whereabouts by the time he settles into a decently quiet nook next to a stall selling all manner of spices. Pity, because the dappled light spilling through the colorful drapes of the marketplace catches so beautifully on the milky-white sheen of the bow, and he’d been looking forward to showing it to her. As a Hunter, Kyle will always care more about weapon practicality than aesthetics, but as a normal human being he certainly won’t turn down the opportunity to have both an aesthetically pleasing and perfectly functional weapon. He’s still grinning a little when he goes to strap the bow to his back, and it’s in the process of looking up that his gaze catches onto wide eyes staring plainly at him from across the street. 

He freezes, arm suspended awkwardly halfway to sheathing. His beautiful bow glints damningly in the bright Lamure sunlight as his unexpected friend wades through the throngs of people towards him, gesturing for him to stay put with a wave of her hand that really can’t be mistaken for anything other than a greeting.

“Hey,” he says cautiously and lamely when she finally reaches him. Belatedly, he remembers to lower his arm. He is momentarily thankful that she doesn’t try to reach up for his face in the Mahanan greeting, although his goodwill evaporates when she leans in to inspect his bow, body thrumming with unexplainable anticipation.

“Oh, that’s pretty,” she says finally. Kyle can’t help himself from preening just a little, shifting his grip so that she can get a better look. After all, what was the point of spending all that money and materials if there was no one to excitedly show the end product off to? Besides, it’s been a while since they last saw each other. Last he heard, she had been traveling, keen to finally see the world on her own terms and at her own pace.

“It’s fresh off an upgrade,” he answers smugly. “Easier to handle than the Rex.”

“Slightly less intimidating though,” she chimes in, and Kyle bristles, not liking where this conversation is going. And true to form, she goes in for the kill: “Mizutsune? I recognize the plating.”

Kyle can feel the flush crawling up to his ears. Logically, he knows that there’s nothing for him to be embarrassed about. It’s a mark of good smithing that one can tell at a glance which monster a weapon was inspired by, and a Mizutsune was both powerful and extremely iconic. This bow in particular had good stats and the ability to fire rapidly, which admittedly took him some time to get used to after focusing mostly on piercing shots. The paralysis coating that works so well on this bow has also already saved his skin on more than one occasion. There is little more a career Hunter can ask for out of his weapon. It’s not like he’d been heading out to Pomore Garden at any given opportunity and holding onto an increasing multitude of Mizutsune materials just because he wanted some physical reminder of what was probably the most pivotal moment of his life, something that never failed to put a very complicated and jumbled mess of emotions deep within his chest whenever he thought back to it.

He’s starting to feel very, very hot under his collar. The sun is terrible. He resolves that his next big hunt really needs to be somewhere outside of Lamure.

His friend, however, just looks more and more baffled as he launches into an unprompted defense of his newest purchase. Every time she opens her mouth, Kyle talks a little faster. Eventually, she doesn’t even bother trying to interject, which is arguably worse, because instead she just looks progressively more and more thoughtful. Kyle wished desperately for Tsukino to peel away from whatever hidey hole she was tucked in. Then, his train of thought screeches into a rude and abrupt halt.

“What,” he croaks. “What are you doing.”

One of her brows quirks up. “I sure hope your eyes are still working because that’d be a detriment to your job,” she says plainly. “What does it look like I’m doing? I promise it’s not a trick question.”

What she’s doing is holding Kyle’s hand—the one not clutching his new bow—the one that had apparently been waving about with increasing agitation as he jabbered on and on. What Kyle doesn’t understand is why. It’s not like he just did some impressive shot to give them the edge in a battle or anything else that was cool and hand-holding worthy. He’d just been yammering about bow mechanics, and maybe embarrassingly dipping into his talisman hopes and dreams. He stares a little helplessly at his trapped hand. Her kinship stone winks up at him.

“Look,” she says patiently, when it becomes very clear that Kyle is going to need a moment before he can get his brain back online. “There’s nothing wrong with a bow made from Mizutsune parts and I am the last person who will ever turn down pretty things. What I was going to say was that this is an interesting departure from your whole—” She pauses, as though looking for a specific word. “Well, your whole image as a very grown-up and serious and intimidating Hunter or whatever it was you were trying to convey with that scowl you used to like so much. And you weren’t letting me get a single word in.”

“You’re getting plenty of words in now,” Kyle scowls, just to be contrary. “And I’ve grown since then.”

“Someone’s in a mood today.” She smiles, crinkle-eyed, up at him. Kyle very seriously debates wrenching his hand out of her hold like he did the last time this happened and then pointedly doesn’t act on the impulse.

“Why’re you in Lulucion?” he asks instead with a truly remarkable level of self-restraint. “Thought you’d never want to come back again after what happened.”

She shrugs, the greatsword on her back heaving with the movement. “Guess I’ve grown too,” she says loftily, though she sobers quickly. “I was actually visiting my grandfather. He used to go back to Mahana around this time of year… he can’t do it anymore of course but I’ve got Ratha now, so I figured I could do it instead. And then I figured I’d stop by Rutoh before going home, to see Ena and Alwin and wheedle a few more stories out of them.”

She lets go of Kyle’s hand. He tries not to miss it. “Even Ratha can’t make the trip in one go, and Lulucion was closest, so we’re stopping to rest. I dropped by the Scrivener’s Lodge earlier because I was hoping Reverto could give me a few weapon pointers as I’ve saved up just about enough for an upgrade, but they told me that he was out on an urgent mission and wouldn’t be back for a while.”

“Oh,” Kyle says, a little stung that she hadn’t come specifically to see him first, out of all the Hunters in the city. He’s slightly mollified when she grins at him, though.

“And then I met Tsukino by the cannons. She said I could find you here, so here I am.”

“I don’t know anything about greatswords,” Kyle blurts out, and immediately wants to kick himself. She blinks at him, and then bursts into laughter.

“I was just going to ask the smith,” she wheezes when she’s got herself somewhat back under control. “Can’t I see a friend just to say hi to him anymore?” Kyle stares very intently down at some of the finer detailing on his bow.

“Where is my Palico anyway?” he finally settles on, falling into a tried and true grumble. “I haven’t seen her all day.”

She waves her hand vaguely in the air. “Navirou said something about getting donuts. I wasn’t really listening.”

But there was a donut stand right here in the marketplace, Kyle wanted to cry out. He should have seen Tsukino by now if they’d really been going to buy snacks! And how was it possible that he had missed Navirou in his entirety, between the Felyne’s penchant for wearing ridiculous little outfits and his inability to shut up?

“Why? You have a hunt you need to run off to?” 

“Yes,” Kyle says hotly. It’s a lie. He’d accepted a subquest that wouldn’t depart until later that evening for the sole purpose of testing out his new weapon in a relatively stress-free environment. Before that, he’d just planned on hitting up the shooting range in the training arena to break in the new string. His schedule was very, very free. Tsukino was perfectly aware of that.

His eyes widened. Tsukino had been with him on every excursion into the Gardens. She went where he did (usually), and it’s not like Kyle would ever begrudge her a visit home. But she’d been with him every step of every single Mizutsune job he’d ever taken—had watched him craft traps when he needed to capture and had kept watch for opportunists hoping to sneak up as he’d carved. She’d been the one who’d recommended the spinner for all the excess purplefur he was ending up with. At first, he’d simply thought that she’d wanted the thread to mend some of her own items, or to send back home to her brethren, but instead she’d tucked each skein of vibrant, silk-soft thread into the bottom of his pouch with gentle paws, cryptically talking about how strong a material it was, and how nice it looked when woven. Kyle has never touched a loom in his life, but now he’s looking at someone who he definitely knows has.

His stomach drops. Hadn’t Tsukino looked particularly smug ever since he’d lingered on the blueprints for Blessed Rain after getting a look at its stats and required materials?

“She got me,” he groans. His friend just looks at him bemusedly, though perhaps with a touch of wariness at his ferocious frown. Hastily, he tacks on: “It’s nothing. I, uh—I just remembered that I needed to tell Tsukino something. Important. Later, when I find her again.”

“Alright,” she says, though she doesn’t quite look like she believes him. “A quest’s a quest, though, so I won’t keep you here. The bow really is pretty though. I know I just said it doesn’t match your image and all but I really don’t think you can go wrong with something you like. You’ve got the skills for it, anyway.”

“Thanks,” he croaks, feeling a little overwhelmed. He manages two whole steps out of the nook before he pauses, worrying at his lower lip. “Actually,” he says sharply, spinning around on his heel and nearly causing his friend to startle right into a spice display. “How long are you staying for?”

“However long it’ll take to upgrade my sword, I guess,” she says after she collects herself, the words lilting into a question. “Three days or so, I guess?” She skirts nervously away from the glaring vendor, careful not to overbalance on her greatsword.

“Cool,” Kyle says with a nod, steeling himself. “Great, even. Look, how about this. Your last visit to Lulucion was terrible—” an understatement, “—so when I get back from my hunt I’ll show you some of the better sights Lulucion has to offer. There’s a hole in the wall that I think you’ll like. Dad used to take me after hunts—they grill really nice queen shrimp. And the parapets—you can climb them, and they’ve got all these little carvings in the stone that you can search for like a scavenger hunt.” He’s keenly aware that he’s rambling again, but she looks interested, so he barrels on. “I’ll come pick you up tomorrow just as soon as I can get a nap in. We can stay in the city or take Ratha out to the Barrens, down by the water. Just make a day of it.” He’s pretty certain that he looks at her with something akin to hope as she considers. It feels like a lifetime before she finally comes to a decision. 

“I want to take Ratha out in the evening,” she says finally. “I don’t want him to be cooped up too long here ever again.”

“Yeah,” Kyle breathes out, the word rushing out of him in a flood of relief. “Yeah, I can work around that.” She beams at him.

“I’ll look forward to it,” she says, sincere and looking more than a little surprised despite herself at the prospect of looking forward to doing anything in Lulucion. “I’m staying at the inn closest to the stables. Pretty sure I’m the only Rider there currently so they’ll know who I am.” Kyle nods, and lets himself get his hand squeezed again, though not without her hands first hovering in an instinctual bid for his cheeks before she remembers herself.

“Good luck on your hunt. If I see Tsukino I’ll let her know you’re looking for her.”

“She’ll show up in due time,” he mutters darkly. “I’ll let you know if Reverto gets back early or if he’s just been loafing around this entire time. For your next upgrade or whatever.” She laughs, bright, and then slips off into the crowd to wrestle her way into the smithy’s queue. Kyle is left staring in her wake before his gaze is drawn back down to his bow.

“This is all your fault,” he tells it. Predictably, it doesn’t answer. Also predictably, Tsukino takes that exact moment to drop down from seemingly nowhere. 

“I didn’t know we had another job lined up,” the Felyne says delicately, carefully brushing crumbs off of her coat. Kyle groans, sheathing his weapon.

“Don’t tease me,” he huffs. “I’m going to the shooting range. Are you coming?”

“Hmm,” says Tsukino. “I suppose I can spare the time.”

“Of course you can spare the time!” Kyle hisses, indignant. “You just spent the day eating donuts and eavesdropping!” He pointedly doesn’t look towards the smithy, where his friend was patiently browsing the display while another Hunter was getting their hammer looked at.

“One must always be prepared with the latest intel,” Tsukino says mildly. “I’m glad the upgrade went well.” 

“It’s got good stats,” Kyle protests weakly in what is quickly becoming a tired argument. “The rapid shots have been going very well. And I had a surplus of Mizutsune parts.”

 “Yes,” his hunting partner agrees readily enough. “Have you thought of what you’re going to do with the thread?”

“This conversation is finished,” Kyle says abruptly, making a very determined push towards the market’s exit. “Either come or don’t, so long as we meet at the gate for tonight’s hunt.”

Tsukino looks at him with exasperated fondness, which is frankly a little insulting, but readily falls into step next to him. Kyle wonders how many rounds he’s going to have to shoot in order to clear his head again and rid it of thoughts of Hazepetal Garden or Mizutsune or high-grade thread that he’ll never use himself. He’ll examine them again someday—because he’s not a coward—but that day is most certainly not today.

He does his rounds in the training arena and marvels at the way the string slides off his fingers with a satisfying twang, even though it’ll still be a good few days before it’s fully broken in to his liking. Tsukino’s saved him a donut, the cakey sweet sticky with honey and practically melting in his mouth. He’s got some free time even after stocking up for the evening hunt, so he takes a few minutes to browse the quest board, taking careful note of the jobs that were situated near the Harzgai Rocky Hill, or the ones from further afield in Alcala that’ll take him closer to Rutoh. And when he leaves the city, he pointedly doesn’t look up at the familiar shape circling in the dusky sky, even as he knows that they’ll surely see the last rays of the setting sun winking off of the plates of his bow like a beacon.

[tundrainafrica]

Hi! I wanted to request a story where Hange asks Onyankopon to look out for Levi in case something happens to her and to not leave him alone, even after he recovers from his injuries 😭❤️. I love the way you write both Levi and Hange without being self-indulgent and I thought of asking you this, but only if you have the time to write. I know you’re currently working on other Levihan stories and you also have your own personal life and I don’t want to impose on you, so whenever you feel like it. I just wanted to share this idea with you.

Title: Coast Lights

Summary:  

"Once or twice a year----or sometimes even less frequently than that, the moonlight would kiss the coast in a way that only the ocean would understand.

At the mercy of that breathtaking view, Levi let out a strange sound, a mix between a crack and a ragged breath. Then he spoke up. 'I can’t help but think, Hange would have liked to see this.'"

After the war, Levi still thought about Hange and maybe Hange still thought about him too.

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Notes: I have been meaning to write a post 139 fic for a long time and this prompt just took the cake anon, thank you so much for sharing and also for your kind words. Sorry it took a while, this prompt meant a lot to me and I wanted to be in the right mood when I wrote it. 

As always, feedback is very much appreciated :D

Once or twice a year----or sometimes even less frequently than that, the moonlight would kiss the coast in a way that only the ocean would understand.

Sometimes, the moon and the stars cooperated. Sometimes they created their own luminescent paths along the black of the sky. Some lights would fall to the ground in streams. Then by coincidence or maybe by fate, the streams of light would dance amongst the glowing blue, making yellows and reds out of the sand underneath.

Times like those, the beach was chaos, a war of lights, where each source was fighting for the privilege of being seen by even the most casual bystander. Of course they would fight to be seen, that beach, isolated by two imposing cliffs at opposite ends never got too many passers by.

Hange was just one of the lucky witnesses. She was the witness to a beautiful war, one of the only wars maybe that she would have liked to be part of.

She ran to one end, stretching her hand out towards the cliffs, only pulling back when she was millimeters away from touching them. She then spun around and studied the beach, tracing with her eyes, the blue glow that lined the coasts.

Glowing blue jellyfish. She remembered reading about them in one of Armin’s books once.

She wished she could have seen them as a kid. With a little more wonder and with a little more innocence, maybe she could have thought they were magic. Maybe she could have believed miracles were real.

She had spent her earlier years trapped within the walls. Then her later years outside the walls but ironically, trapped by duty and obligation.

Now you’re free. She told herself, a feeble attempt to propel herself forward. Freer than ever. That one reminder proved more melancholic than happy.

She had fought for freedom her whole life. At that moment, she was blessed with the ultimate freedom and she felt guilty for not celebrating, even just a bit.

But it wasn’t the type of freedom most people would ask for. Of course she wouldn’t be completely jubilant about it.

Beggars can’t be choosers. That was the saying that echoed inside her.

Hange modified it into something more relatable.

Soldiers can’t be choosers. Soon after, she brushed away before it grew to anything worse.

She stretched again then ran forward, careful not to jostle the blue jellyfish that had settled at the coast. Then she laughed when she realized it wouldn’t matter.

Although she had grown accustomed to the lightness, to the disconnect over time, sometimes the old habits presented themselves in bouts of an ingrained respect for nature, in bouts of curiosity and wonder towards the world.

There were parts of the world she had never seen before and she had an eternity to explore.

That was one perk of freedom.

Funnily, she had chosen to tie herself down.

It wasn’t the best decision. Although sometimes, she considered the opportunity cost. When she looked back at the house up on the hill, only accessible through the precarious steps that lined the steep cliff, she remembered, it was an easy enough decision to make.

The world could wait. She could experience the world and its beauties in the next life, then the next life after that.

There was someone she would rather not keep waiting.

She climbed up the steps, only held together by ropes. When it was anyone else climbing, they would wobble, they would swing from left to right. For Hange, and Hange alone, they stayed still, made the climb all the easier and Hange was up before she even counted eighty steps.

The field was easy to run through. Maybe because as the house got nearer, she only ran faster. And she knew that if she scurried to the right of the porch, there would be a wide window and he would be there, sitting like he always was.

He didn’t greet her. Too engrossed in his book maybe?

Hange knew there was a more obvious answer to that.

She entered through the window and that time, she didn’t bother to pretend she was still at the mercy of natural laws. Even after months, it was surreal but when she imagined the mustiness by just the state of the dim room, she allowed herself to be pulled back to the world, even just by her imagination.

Levi’s reaction to her entrance though was a glaring reminder that it was only imagination.

Hange still liked to make conversation. “What are you reading this time?”

He didn’t reply.

She wasn’t bound by natural laws, nor was she bound by social laws. So she stood behind him, bent her head forward and read over his shoulder.

Simple prose, unknown characters, not recommended to start a story mid novel. The words blurred together quickly and Hange decided that it wasn’t worth her time to read through. Instead, she focused on his side profile and she traced the scar on his right eye. It was almost fully healed, save for the raw pink and the unseeing eye underneath.

“We could have been matching,” she said. Really, she probably would have gotten rid of the eyepatch if she knew he wouldn’t have bothered even getting one.

She didn’t know how long she was staring, how long she was following his eyes as they skimmed over lines. Restlessness had settled with the rhythm and the predictability of the small details.

Restlessness would settle but it would never die out. Hange was constantly impatient, she was constantly bored.

His concentrated face though and just the little details that composed him were enough to make time tick for her, albeit slowly.

When reading, his eyes would dart from left to right, sometimes his lips would move as a small and subtle movement. When he looked up, then behind him, Hange jumped.

Did he see me?

Surprise then bliss came and went in a split second. No, he didn’t, there had been someone else at the door.

“Levi, it’s late. You should go to bed,” Onyankopon said.

Hange begrudgingly sank back towards the corner of the room.

“I’m fine. I never slept more than three hours a night back---”

“Back in the military right?” Onyankopon interrupted. Then, he sighed. “You’re not as strong as you were before. Besides, there’s not much of war you’ll need to fight anyway, it’s best you use this time to recover.”

Levi didn’t reply. Instead he dog eared the book, closed it and dropped it on the side table. A sign for Onyankopon to go ahead, wheel him back to his bedroom.

Hange followed behind. In Levi’s bedroom, she stood a foot away and watched as Onyankopon methodically went through the process of pulling out his pajamas and dropping it on the bed then he helped Levi out of the wheelchair, gently propping him on the bed. He left the room long enough for Levi to undress.

Hange had some decency to turn her back. A naughty part of her had her settling on the bed, just for some hint of an illusion that maybe in another life they could have----.

Before she could even say it, she let out a hushed laugh. Then something louder when she realized, he probably wouldn’t hear it anyway.

The door creaked open again. “Levi, are you okay? You want anything?”

“Nothing.” Levi’s voice was muffled, his back facing the door.

“It’s a nice night outside. If you get bored, just look at the window, maybe it’ll help you sleep.”

Or maybe it could do the complete opposite. For Hange, there were more than enough constellations to trace, paths to put her thumb over. She wished she could warn him that he might not even sleep if he got lost in them. Then she remembered Levi didn’t sleep much anyway. It probably wouldn’t have made a difference.

Onyankopon let out a sigh, muttering something about a walk.

That had been more than enough to incite Hange’s curiosity. She followed again behind him. Levi was still far from healed. He probably wouldn’t be moving anytime soon anyway so maybe she could leave him, just for a moment.

After all, how many nights a year did the moonlight kiss the ocean? How many times did it take advantage of that opportunity when the coast was lined with a glowing blue? How many nights a year was the glowing blue bright enough to kiss back?

And Onyankopon had seen it too. Maybe he noticed how the night sky was a lighter blue than usual, and he saw how the streams fell deeper than the view the cliff allowed. He walked slowly at first, then he started to jog forward.

Hange did not need to make much of an effort to keep close behind. When he stepped onto the wobbly staircase, Hange was careful to pull back. She was light, most likely weightless but she didn’t want to take the risk.

So she jumped off the cliff.

Even the force of gravity didn’t demand to be felt. The pulling sensation at her gut, familiar from years working in ODM gear, was absent. Ruefully she noted, she probably would never feel it again. At the least, she got to enjoy the free fall with little to no pain at all. Whether she had landed on her ass, or her own two feet, she was in no state to tell.

She was too distracted by the glowing blue though to trifle with such details. She walked ahead, she allowed herself a quick scurry over the blue, down to the shallow waters which glowed with the same neon shades.

There were still streams of light. The moon was large, still high above the sky. And when she was staring straight ahead, counting stars and sketching shoddy drawings in the sky, she didn’t notice it or consider those two points in particular.

Something came as a hush. Then louder. “Hange?”

Hange spun around, looking back at the light blue by the coast. Just behind the rows of jellyfish was Onyankopon, his face pallid. His eyes and his mouth were both larger than what Hange had ever gotten used to, as if he had seen a ghost.

“I’m here!” Surprise or maybe desperation had her saying those words to the loudest of her abilities. She could never tell how far her voice travelled anymore, since it didn’t echo. It didn't tussle with the other sounds for its own place among them.

That time was no different. As soon as it came out of her mouth, she didn’t hope. Instead she walked back to the shore, plopped on the ground and sighed.

“God, I’m probably going crazy.” Onyankopon put a hand to his forehead and shook his head. “I should go to sleep.” His voice was tighter and Hange could have sworn she heard a crack. She didn’t even think that voices could experience wear and tear until then.

Seconds after that, Onyankopon made the trek back to the house.

Hange stayed behind. She lay back down on the sand, a bag of disappointment. An air of disappointment. A nothingness of disappointment.

When she was nothing, she was free but somehow, staring up at the sky, she realized, maybe she would have given up her freedom for just a little more time.

***

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

Falco brought it up hesitantly over lunch. Even with his experience in the war, he was surprisingly still meek, easily rattled.

“Why are you asking about ghosts?” Gabi asked as she pierced another potato with her fork, so forcefully that it almost made Hange jump.

“Well at night… maybe even really early in the morning… Sometimes I hear the creaks of the floorboard coming from Levi’s room,” Falco said. He turned to Levi questioningly. “Did you ever hear anything?”

“I’m usually asleep.” Levi shrugged as he clumsily guided another spoonful of soup to his mouth. Learning to eat with his left hand was slow going but everyday, he was making some progress.

“Does anyone else hear it?” Falco’s eyes darted, alternating between the two other faces.

“This is an old house,” Gabi said.

“But why Levi’s room… there shouldn’t be… Levi can’t even walk right?” Falco argued.

“You read too many ghost stories…” Gabi’s tone was unchanging.

“What if it is a ghost?” Onyankopon dropped his own spoon and leaned back on his seat.

Gabi’s jaw dropped. “Don’t tell me you believe him?”

“You know, I took a walk along the coast last night.” Onyankopon pointed towards the window, tracing a line with his pointer finger for emphasis. “And I thought I saw someone there.”

“Maybe it was a trick of the light,” Gabi suggested. “There are jellyfish down there at this time of year right? And there were lots of stars last night…” Her words deteriorated to unintelligible babbling and Hange almost suspected she was a little more scared than Falco was.

Onyankopon shook his head. “It looked like a person.

Gabi’s hand was halfway to her mouth before she dropped it back on the plate. “It’s a trick of the light.”

“You know, in my culture, we believe ghosts exist. Ghosts of our ancestors, our friends, they all watch over us,” Onyankopon said, his voice light. “Or that is what my grandmother used to teach me. And if you don’t believe in them… You’re insulting them… And they might just come to haunt you!” He had said that last part loudly, a stark contrast from the overall volume of the conversation. It had seemed scary at first, before settling as something more playful.

Hange snorted.

Gabi didn’t see the play in it, she screamed, jumping up. “Maybe we really should get out of here. I wanna go back to Marley…” She buried her head in her hands. Her breaths came slow and deep, sometimes in heaves and exhales.

Exasperated or terrified. Before Hange could even make sense of it, Gabi quickly sat up.

Levi spoke up, his calm voice caught the attention of the room. “Even if there is a ghost here, even if there’s one in my room…” He worked his way slowly through those words.

Falco interrupted. “Aren’t you scared?”

Levi shook his head. “No, I feel more comforted than scared.”

“Why?” Falco asked. He moved to the seat next to a seemingly shaken Gabi.

Levi was playing with his food then and it looked as if he had no intention of putting it in his mouth. He hummed for a second longer.

“I’ve seen a lot of death in my life,” he started. “Even after my friends die, I worry about them. I wonder what happens to them after…If they see darkness or if they really just stop…maybe they don't even know what darkness is anymore.” He paused and took a deep breath. “But if ghosts exist at least I’m reassured, when people die, they don’t just… stop existing. It’s a reminder that maybe even after death, it’s not just nothing. There’s something after...” Levi could have said something more, but he didn’t and soon the anticipation died down to dead air.

After a brief silence, conversation shifted to plans after Levi’s recovery, Gabi and Falco’s plans when they grow a little older.

Levi kept quiet, instead focusing on getting the food into his mouth and Hange couldn’t help but note, he was eating much faster. Somehow, he had managed to chew with a ghost of a smile on his lips.

***

The conversation had proved to be informative. Hange only needed her sharpened deduction skills to make use of it.

She held her working hypotheses like a charm.

Hypothesis one: She was in one world and they were in another one

Hypothesis two: Sometimes, the lines would blur.

And Hange just had to listen more closely, she just had to feel it more carefully.

Over time, she had attributed sensations, feelings as things exclusive to the rest of the world, the living and the tangible. At three in the morning, she willed herself to focus on the silence, taking stock of the characteristic something-ness of her surroundings and the characteristic nothingness of her actions as she leaned on the door of Levi’s room.

Levi was unmoving on the bed and he was a good beacon, a sight to focus on. She moved forward slowly. If she closed her eyes and willed it, she had feet, she could move forward in slow and careful steps.

One step. Then two steps. Around the third step, the floors creaked. Then the rustle of sheets filled the room then a long groan.

Those last few movements weren't her doing. Despite his injuries, Levi had quickly pushed himself to a sitting position. Even in the darkness, the wince was very visible and Hange dropped her little experiment, rushing forward towards the bed.

He didn’t feel her hands on her shoulders, he didn’t grip when she slipped her hand under his. When she looked into his eyes, she saw they were far from blank. He was looking down at the floorboards, and it looked like he was searching for something.

He continued to stare.

Hange counted a few more seconds, then a minute.“Are floorboards really that interesting?” She asked with a laugh.

He didn’t answer.

Maybe Hange could have walked back to the doorway, then made the path back to the bed again, just to let the floorboards creak one last time. She made herself comfortable though, working for a semblance of a tingle as she lay on the bed next to Levi.

She felt a pang of regret when Levi let out a shuddered breath and fell back on the bed. She had known him long enough to read disappointment.

Then she didn’t have to read him anymore, he spoke up in silence. “If you’re the ghost, you’re free to haunt me all you want. Make the floors creak as loud as you want.”

Hange though, was done for the night. Instead, she slipped her hand much further under his. It could have been her own imagination or it could have been something more.

She didn’t have enough emotion to spare to ponder all those at once. So she squeezed hard again and concluded for herself that maybe he could have felt it too.

***

The line between her world and his was a fickle thing. In time, with the right experiments, sufficient awareness of her own surroundings, patterns showed themselves and Hange was quick to pick them out.

There were times she had wanted to cry. Guilt, sadness, regret were the first line culprits. Then there was anger, frustration at the tears she couldn’t shed. For someone without a body to hold them, emotions found other ways to channel themselves, to let themselves be known.

There were heavy waves that transformed into whirlpools. They welled inside her, they swirled into every end of her body, sometimes they manifested as tingling sensations at her tips.

When Levi lay in his bed, an alarming white, Hange was sure it was everything at once.

“Pneumonia,” Onyankopon repeated, a simple enough explanation for Gabi and Falco who had hesitantly settled in the room.

Onyankopon continued. “He might have to stay overnight at the hospital. I called some help to get him transported to the nearest town.”

“Nothing they can fix here?” Falco asked.

Onyankopon shook his head. He didn’t say anything more. He was silent when help came and when the paramedics carried Levi like he was a starved child. Hange only noticed, when it had taken only one burly man to carry Levi to the ambulance, that Levi was small, very small.

Then another whirlpool of emotions took over. Anger? Pity? Regret? They were incomprehensible but they were enough to have Hange rushing behind them.

The town hospital was busier than she had expected. Her senses were suddenly heightened, maybe because it wasn’t just her world anymore. When she closed her eyes, when she let herself feel the bristle at her tips, she felt the presence of other companions. She wasn’t alone. If she called out, maybe someone would come.

Her focus was on Levi and as much as possible, she didn’t spend too much time along the hallways. She rushed into his room, behind the doctor, slipping herself through the crack of the door.

“He just has to make it through the night.” The doctor’s words were cold, firm. For a second, Hange wondered how he had managed to reach that age, making a living off of aiding patients when he had the bedside manners of a brick. “It says here he was caught in an explosion a year back, did a number on his organs.”

The smoke, the fire, maybe that was the reason, his lungs were weaker. Hange quickly deduced.

That wasn’t an excuse to die.

For a second, Hange even entertained the possibility, if he died, maybe he would see her. They could talk, catch up, hold each other. She shook those thoughts away, letting the guilt fall with it and she jumped onto the bed, next to him. “Come on, you can’t die here, You didn’t survive a decade long war just to die of pneumonia.” She let out a laugh, she timed her own breaths to the sound of the beeping of the machine, to the whoosh of the ventilator.

And she pressed herself closer to him. He was still breathing, still moving just slightly. A sign of life maybe. And the closer she went, the more she realized, she could pretend it tickled her ears.

“Fight,” she whispered.

Levi opened his eyes, turned to his side. A glimmer of hope for a second, as Hange pondered if he had seen her.

“Levi, rest.” Onyankopon was behind her again, having settled on the chair by the bedside.

Disappointed, Hange rolled out of the bed and back to the floor. The world was suddenly heavy. Whether it was their world, or hers, or both, she didn’t think too hard to tell. But she could release it somehow.

She played pretend again. She saw the side table, a bottle of water, a packet of pills and she swept over it in one violent movement.

For a second she felt hard plastic, the rough paper at her tips. Then nothing.

Everything scattered to the ground, in some chaotic order. Calm again, Hange bent down to pick it up, only to find out she didn’t feel anything again, even as she hovered closely over them.

They weren’t hers to touch anymore.

In some act of obligation or maybe act of support, Onyankopon appeared next to her. He bent down, picked up the bottle on one hand, the packet on the other then placed them back on the side table.

Then he broke the heavy silence. “Hange, if that’s you… We’re trying our best.”

When Onyankopon left for the night, it was just her and Levi in the room. Sometimes, the occasional nurse would pop in but not for long enough for Hange to have to gather herself.

She let the emotions out again, not as bursts but as streams. She found, if she gave it more than enough time to come out, they didn’t riot. They complied with limits, they acted with civility.

There was a pen on the side table, and on the wall next to Levi’s bed, there was a chart. There were numbers Hange could make sense of if she tried hard enough.

At that point, her goals were different, so she ignored it. She hovered her hand over the pouch next to it. She had managed to connect two fingers together, she just needed to do similarly with a pen in between them.

For just a second, she was successful.

But only for just a second.

The pen fell to the ground with a clatter. Hange decided it wasn’t worth it to bend over. Maybe because she theorized, if she did, she might not be able to stand up again. She stared once again at the white board. Wet hot tears welled inside her, wet hot tears that would never meet the light of day.

Hange stretched her hand out. She saw two fingers, then five as she opened up her fist, a fist she didn’t even know she had. She propped one finger nail on the board, digging it deep into the wood.

Her grip on the world was consistent enough at least that she could manage one rough and dotted line. So she traced it again and again, until the dots were completely carved over. That one straight line turned into another.

It turned out to be an unsettling sensation. The whiteboard made an ugly whittling sound, it danced even against her shaky touch. The few times their worlds connected, she felt a stinging phantom pain at her tips.

There was nothing to feel pain for her. There were no nails to break, no fingertips that could bleed. There was no living entity to take the consequences of leaving a shoddily covered sign on the whiteboard. Besides, it was small enough anyway, that anyone could easily brush it off.

Then she wondered if Levi would see it. Maybe he wouldn’t. At that point, she was too far gone, so she finished the message then allowed herself one last peek of Levi’s sleeping face. She sluggishly made her way to the corner of the room, lowered her body back down and closed her eyes.

It would be a long night.

***

By some miracle, Levi recovered quickly.

By the next morning, they removed some of the tubes. By evening, he could sit up, even for just a bit.

Hange had made enough of an effort to last even her afterlife. She was exhausted. Maybe dispirited was the right word? But it was a strange feeling that made the days move faster. She did not have much control over speed, over thought.

Even when visitors had come one after the other, even when Levi had attempted to sit up, she couldn’t bring herself to rush beside him. He was there though, he was alive and that had been good enough.

The next evening, a nurse finally pointed it out. “Someone wrote on the chart.”

“Did you coordinate the other nurses?” Onyankopon asked.

The nurse shook her head. “Not write… Carve. There’s a message here, carved on the edge of the board.” She undid it from its place on the bed and gently placed it on the side table. “Did any of your visitors do this?”

“So far, only Gabi, Falco and I have visited…” Onyankopon trailed off.

“Do you recognize the handwriting?” The nurse slid the board to a better angle, easier for Levi to crane his neck and take a look.

“It’s hard to tell…It looks like it was carved on the board with a fingernail...” Onyankopon said. “Levi, do you?”

“No.” he said it too easily.

Hange held herself closer. A part of her wanted the corner to swallow her whole.

The nurse shook her head. “Maybe we just didn’t notice it before. Could have been from another patient…” She muttered about other theories Hange didn’t bother to mule over.

Soon the nurse was out the door anyway and it was just Onyankopon and Levi in the room.

Levi spoke up. “Onyankopon… What if I told you, it looks like her handwriting?” His voice was weak. For Hange, it was strong enough to turn complete desolation to a glimmer of hope.

“If you think it’s her handwriting. I don’t see why we can’t stick with that assumption.”

Levi leaned back on the bed. “Well, it’s nice words to live by, especially if it came from her.”

Onyankopon nodded. “It is.” Then he slid his fingers over the wooden frame. “Live on.”

“Live on, Levi,” Hange whispered. To hell if those words even touched the still air of the room.

***

Hange became obsessed with noise. Many types of noise: The creak of the floorboards at her feet, the bump on the walls, the thump when items swayed with just a shrivel of wind.

The more she let emotions take over, the more things went bump and she started to realize it was an exhausting ordeal. Sometimes, the natural laws didn’t listen. Sometimes her hands didn’t connect with surfaces, sometimes hands permeated through solids.

Disheartened, Hange stood by the side of the kitchen a day after Levi was released by the hospital. He had retired to his bedroom as soon as they arrived home.

It was Onyankopon, Falco and Gabi gathered on the table. Hange took one of the empty seats, pretending that she was very much in need of the same comforts as everyone else.

“Have you ever gone down to the beach?” Onyankopon asked. It was an odd opening statement but as soon as Hange scanned the faces, noting the sullen mood. She realized there were only too many things one can say to even attempt to lighten it.

“A few times,” Gabi answered.

“But not at night right? At this time of the year?” Onyankopon asked. “Sometimes, the jellyfish would get washed up on shore and when they glow… it’s a beautiful sight.”

It has been a year since the last time Hange walked along the edge.

“What do you think?” Onyankopon asked. “We could go down, just long enough to cheer you two up.”

“We’re not sad,” Falco said, an uncomfortable grin on his face. “We’re just worried.”

“I’d rather you didn’t waste your time on that. Levi’s gonna be fine. Besides, we’ve lived here for more than a year already, it’s unbelievable to me that you haven’t seen it.”

It didn’t take much prodding after. The three made the trek all the way down from the cliff, they took to the staircase with prudence. Hange took the short more dangerous way, making the fifty feet drop down to the coast.

The blue jellyfish were there again, like they were every single other time. Onyakopon had been taking more walks, Hange had to note. Maybe that was how he had figured it out.

Eventually, they were all lined up at the coast, their expressions all showed different levels of wonder.

“I told you right? I saw someone the last time I was here,” Onyakopon started.

Gaby held herself close and Falco stepped forward, nearer to the shores.

Surprisingly, Falco had done the braver thing. “Who did you see?” He asked.

Onyankopon shook his head. “It could have been a trick of light. But you know, if you ask for a name…" He paused for a second, seeming deep in thought. "I could have sworn it was Commander Hange Zoe.”

Commander Hange Zoe.

In a world where she was a nothing, constantly floating amongst shifting lights and shifting darks, her name said aloud by someone other than herself, was a strong grip. Long ago, she was alive. Long ago, she existed. And maybe even after that, she continued to exist. If that limbo she found herself in, counted as existing.

It did count as existing. She was still very much Hange Zoe.

Realization was a burst of energy. Something that had her running forward again, just like a year ago, through the glowing blue, through the shallow salt waters that should have tickled at her shin.

It was like that scene last year again, with just two extra visitors.

“Did you see that?” Falco asked.

“See what?” Gabi asked.

Falco shook his head. “It could have been a trick of the light… But there was someone there in a green---”

“In a green cloak, then the wings of freedom?” Onyakopon said, a good guide for the two young kids.

Falco nodded. “The wings of freedom… The blue and white symbol right?”

“That was the symbol of the survey corps," Onyankopon explained.

Falco hummed. “If I’m not the only one who saw it… That means…” He still seemed unsure of his own conjecture.

And it turned out Gabi wasn’t in any hurry to help. “Ghosts don’t exist! Let’s go back upstairs.”

***

Some people saw it, some people didn’t. Hange only had to look back at her own experiences with ghosts to stumble upon the conclusion.

There were believers. There were zealots. There were warriors. There were scaredy cats, even among the battle hardened soldiers.

Over the years, it was a lingering belief, a passing one. When it became her whole life though, she decided to give it more than just a passing thought. Onyankopon could see with the right combinations of lights and Falco had proved the same.

When there were only four people in that house, barring the occasional visitor, It was only natural that her thoughts would fly to Levi. He was the only one after all among the four, who hadn’t witnessed the lights show for himself.

Timing though was a tricky thing. After all, the lights only came together once a year. If they were lucky, twice. If they were unlucky, none at all for that season. And Levi was in no position to walk, let alone climb down such a dangerous set of stairs.

A part of her would rather he never did anyway. He might even die just making the trip to the beach.

Live on. She held those words like a charm, as she sat by his bed, silently watching his sleeping face.

Even if ‘living on’ only composed of long days locked in the bedroom, of long hours in the reading room turning pages of books. After all, there was something beautiful about the small yet noticeable changes. The way Levi was sleeping more, yet waking up earlier.

He was turning pages faster. Sometimes Hange heard the rustles more incessant, loud sounds crammed into a second and she thought to herself, how it would have been nice to feel the rough paper on her skin again.

Onyankopon probably held the same thought. He never told Levi that he had seen a silhouette of Hange down at the beach. Hange could have sworn she had heard their hushed conversation about it, at three in the morning.

Would Levi have gone down if he knew?

Maybe he would have. No, Hange was sure she he would have. After all, he continued to look for her.

Hange still made the floors creak. Sometimes, they came as a high chirp, sometimes a low rumble. Still, every single one, had been enough to have Levi stirring, turning on his side, just to get a good look at the floor, the very boring wooden floor.

Sometimes, he would sit up on bed, still staring expectantly at the wooden floor underneath.

When Hange thought it important that Levi got some rest, she minimized it. Instead, forcing herself to stay calm as she lay next to him on the bedside.

And she learned overtime, at their calmest, at their most relaxed, spirits were very much invisible, maybe even dead to the world.

Dead enough to forget her own name? For a second there, she almost forgot who she was.

***

Time passed, by some miracle, Levi’s world got a little bigger. There was no prodding, no pressure to get better. It was only Levi’s pride that had him leaning on the side table, foregoing the wheel chair for slow painstaking steps.

Stairs were still a mind game, still a circle of hell for him but he had learned to let the bannisters do their work. If he held on tightly enough, shifting all the weight to his good leg, he could get down in time.

Many times, Hange had to stop herself and force herself to stand idly by. For a while, she had been almost envious of the bannister for having the right facilities to support him.

Once again, envy had her remembering, she was nothing but a ball of memories, a ball of emotions, only held together by faith and beliefs every year. It was the work of the concrete and the tangible, to keep Levi up.

Falco and Onyankopon still went down to the beach every single year. Sometimes, they called her by name, sending another wave of energy through her, letting the memories rush through her at once.

She was still Hange Zoe. She would always be Hange Zoe. In the next life, maybe in the life after that. That was what had her going, sitting by Levi’s bed every night. As long as she kept a tight grip on memories, they were still very much there.

Years passed in a very conspicuous way when there were two kids in the house.

Within years, Falco shot up. Suddenly, he was strong enough to carry Levi down the stairs on bad days. Gabi was getting taller as well, Soon, her head barely brushed Onyankopon’s ear.

It wasn’t just the people that changed though. Although that had been enough for Hange to realize, time was passing. There were other things that came abruptly.

Like an eviction notice.

“We’re gonna have to move,” Onyakopon said over lunch one day. He slapped the document on the table, and shook his head.

Of course, they couldn’t stay there forever. It wasn’t their land. They were merely paying rent, at the mercy of a landlord.

“Wait, why?”

“They wanna reclaim the land, turn it into a small port,” Onyankopon explained with a shrug.

“Wait, reclaim the land… You mean?” It was Falco who first put two and two together.

“The beach?” Gabi added.

“They’ll put more sound and soil over the water, build a street over it,” Onyankopon said.

“The jellyfish?” Falco asked.

“They’ll have to find another place to live?” Onyankopon seemed noticeably sad for a bunch of jellyfish.

“It’s not just tha--” Falco’s eyes were wide with horror. He turned to Levi before settling on the plate in front of him. “How long do we have?”

Onyankopon turned the paper around then put his finger on the first line on the upper right. “A month.”

For one season a year, the jellyfish would line the coast.

By some coincidence, or maybe by fate, it was already that season and if they were lucky, maybe they could catch it one more time in between packing things and cleaning the house.

Hange decided, she would rather it was coincidence than fate. Fate had already proven multiple times to have a cruel hand.

“You wanna go down to the beach? One time before we leave? It’s beautiful out there,” Onyakopon brought up the question while Levi had been putting away books from the shelf, throwing them into boxes.

“What does the beach have that I can’t imagine here?” Levi asked.

Maybe if Hange had a voice, she could have explained it. The way the lights mixed amongst each other, creating colors no one would have ever believed to have existed. If she was there, that would have worked. Even if the words didn’t work, if she had hands, if she had control over the tangible, she would have pulled him with one hand. Hell, she would have carried him herself.

Onyankopon had his own experiences, his own words. They turned out to be just as effective. “Hange.”

Levi looked back, his eyes wide. He didn’t respond. Maybe he had been too preoccupied with the shaking of his hands, uncontrollable shaking that ended with one heavy book splayed on the floor.

Onyankopon rushed to pick it up. “It’s beautiful down there. The jellyfish rest near the shores before they migrate elsewhere. They glow at night and the stairs look beautiful behind it. Sometimes, it’s enough to forget reality.”

Levi dropped his shoulders. “If they’re gonna reclaim the land, maybe it would be worth it to see it one last time.”

Onyankonpon sighed. “I’m gonna have to warn you, the trek is hard.”

“I think I’ve recovered enough for a small walk.”

***

A small walk was a very dangerous understatement. Levi lived on understatements though.

Hange just wanted to make sure, that understatement wouldn’t have been enough to kill him.

So she didn’t jump down. She crouched down over the cliff and watched as he descended the first steps. When she found herself having to bend over further just for a horrible and awkward angle, she decided to just take the drop and watch from the beach.

It took approximately fifteen minutes to get him down and Hange counted three times where she had ended up letting out a half scream before Falco or Onyakonpon had pulled him back at the last minute.

That one last almost-fall had been the scariest. Maybe because for that split second, Levi’s jaw dropped, his eyes widened. He seemed to have lost control of himself in that second.

Hange understood though just why he had seemed uncharacteristically disconcerted. It was in the glowing blue reflected in his eyes.

“If we show this to the landlord, do you think he’ll spare it?” Falco asked. It was a pathetic question and both a yes or a no wouldn’t have sufficed.

Levi sat back down on the sand in three stilted movements. “They don’t listen to anything but money,” he answered softly. The venom in his voice hinted that he could have said more.

“Let’s just treat this as the last time,” Onyakopon said.

Hange gripped time again and counted backwards. Five years.

Five years since Onyankopon had first seen her. Then the next year it had been the three of them. Then the remaining years it had been Falco and Onyankopon visiting.

Five times was enough though to get attached, especially when the view was strange enough to take someone’s breath away.

And it would be the last time they could appreciate that view. Hange wasn’t too surprised when she heard ragged breaths and soft sniffles behind her.

“We’ll just have to look for another one,” Falco shrugged.

“But do you think we’ll ever find one that shines the same way?” Gabi asked.

“Maybe,” Levi said.

“You know Levi, if you stare at it long enough, you might just see ghosts.” Onyankopon added playfully, close enough to Levi that it could have been just for him.

“I’d love to see a ghost,” Levi said, barely a whisper.

Hange had been close enough to hear it. She saw that as a cue to step forward, lightly over the sea of jellyfish. When she looked down, the water didn’t ripple. She hovered over it like a spirit, like air, like a trick of the light.

Onyankopon and Falco’s own belief had already convinced her long before, that with that exact way that the lights from the sky and the lights from the shores cooperated, the line between the two worlds blurred.

And there were just certain people, who could distinguish others as more than a trick of the light.

For how long would they see it? She never thought deep enough to find out so she didn’t know. If she could get a message across, it couldn’t hurt to try.

Maybe that would be the last place she could ever be visible. How many beaches shone with the same glowing blue? How many skys still glimmered with a clear view of the stars above?

More importantly, even if other places existed, were they so easily found? Especially when the three were constantly on the run from angry soldiers around the world.

Hange looked back, to see that Onyankopon and Falco had focused on her again, their mouths completely agape.

“Do you see her?” Onyankopon managed to ask, after one deep breath.

“See what?” Levi asked.

And with that question, disappointment blanketed the air of wonder.

“She’s glowing, green, brown, red just like when she died. Then a burning blue.”

Levi didn’t answer. His eyes seemed blank. They darted from each corner for a second before looking ahead then they narrowed. His lips trembled with what Hange could guess was frustration.

“And she’s smiling,” Onyankopon said.

Hange had to admit, she had let the warmth of the moment take over.

“A sad smile,” Falco continued.

Hange had to admit, she gave some of that disappointment free reign inside her.

“All I see is light,” Levi said.

“You get it!” Gabi put her hands up. “I thought I was the only one just seeing late. They made me think I was crazy for seeing nothing.”

Hange shook her head before she turned back to Onyankopon and Falco. The two were still staring.They wouldn’t hear her, Hange had tried too many times before.

But maybe if she mouthed something, they would get it. She didn’t let a silent sound escape her lips. At the same time, she made sure to enunciate every syllable.

“Did you catch that?” Falco asked.

Onyankopon only nodded. “Maybe I did.”

Hange blithely made her way back to the shore and bent over next to Levi. The sand didn’t crunch as she fell back on it. Over time they stopped making even the slightest sounds and she realized, maybe she didn’t mind being nothing.

“This might be the last time we're going to see something like this. Enjoy it,” Onyankopon said.

“I am,” Levi said.

“Take all the time you need.”

For a while they were silent. For how long? Hange didn’t bother to count anymore. Maybe it was the better choice to just let time flow in some incomprehensible way. After all, time was a concept exclusive to the living.

Levi let out a strange sound, a mix between a crack and a ragged breath. Then he spoke up. “I can’t help but think, Hange would have liked to see this.”

Onyankopon’s response came out seeming unrehearsed. “She likes it. I’m sure she does.”

“You think she got to see it?”

I got to see it every single time Levi. Hange decided, thinking it was enough.

“She was walking through it,” Onyankopon said. “Right Falco?”

Falco nodded lightly. “She was.” He had always been a genuine person and maybe that was why Levi had swallowed it so quickly, even if it could have seemed like a lie at first.

“What did she say?” Gabi asked.

Levi didn’t verbalize it. In fact, he seemed to have been asking the same question.

It was Onyankopon’s question to answer and he approached it like a painter muling over his first piece. “‘Take care of Levi.’ She told me to take care of you.”

[the-widow-sisters]

You Will Always Be Mine

Summary: When Antonia Dreykov shows up at Natasha and Yelena's doorstep wanting to talk to Natasha, she is welcomed with open arms. However, Yelena is slightly less enthusiastic when Antonia ends up staying for a week and starts taking all of Natasha's free time.

Word Count: 4089

  “Hey, what do you want to do today?” Natasha called loudly from her bedroom, changing into some comfortable clothes since she had just gone on a run and gotten her previous outfit somewhat sweaty.

  Yelena was currently fishing through the kitchen cabinets, trying to find something good to stuff her face with.

  “I don’t know! We could go train at the cool kids’ clubhouse! You’ve been saying that you’d teach me some of your special moves,” Yelena suggested loudly, laughing a bit as she eagerly awaited Natasha’s response to her jab. She could feel Natasha’s eyeroll even though they were not even in the same room, and she

  “It’s the Avengers tower!” Natasha loudly called in reply. Yelena smirked, starting to reply with something sarcastic. However, she was interrupted by a knock at the door.

   Yelena quieted, wondering who was there at the door and silently worrying a bit that it might be someone unsavory. It was always a possibility that one had to consider when having the history they had. Yelena quietly approached the door, readying herself for a potential fight as she reached for the doorknob.

  She swiftly opened the door, fully prepared to attack if the person on the other side was hostile.

  But to her surprise, when she opened the door, the last person in the world that she would expect was standing there looking at her. It was none other than Antonia Dreykov, her body stiff as she stood there like a statue.

  “Antonia. What are you doing here?” Yelena questioned, extremely confused as she looked at the young woman. Antonia lifted her chin just a bit with practiced confidence, and Yelena could easily see the worry and slight fear in her eyes.

  She could hear Natasha coming into the room, no doubt wondering why Yelena had not responded. Yelena glanced back at her, noticing that she had already changed into a different set of clothes. Natasha’s eyes widened a bit as she realized precisely who Yelena was talking to.

  “Antonia?” Natasha suddenly spoke up, and she moved in next to Yelena staring at the woman with shock. Yelena quickly spotted how Antonia immediately looked at Natasha, focusing her attentions and her eyes solely on the older woman.

  “Is something wrong?” Natasha finally asked, and Yelena shifted her gaze between the two of them.

  “No, nothing is wrong,” Antonia answered simply after a moment of hesitation, her words calm but her gaze communicating anything but. “I’m not here on any business.”

  Natasha’s features softened despite the fact that concern was still quite prevalent within her features. Yelena was quite curious as to what exactly had prompted Antonia’s visit if it was not business of some sort.

  “Here, come in,” Natasha invited, stepping aside and Yelena followed suit, standing nearby the redhead as she stared at Antonia with confusion and slight interest.

  Antonia stiffly crossed the threshold, not wanting to meet their eyes at first. She paused in front of the pair, and she finally looked up at Natasha.

  “Shostakov and Vostokoff said I was free to leave, and I… I had hoped to speak with you,” Antonia bravely spoke up, keeping her light-colored eyes focused on Natasha. Yelena felt her heart ache a bit for the other girl, knowing that she had it much worse than any of the rest of them simply because of her especially close relationship with Dreykov.

  Natasha apparently felt the same way, and she gently reached out to the girl. Antonia stiffened instinctively, looking as if she might attack just from the pure fear that someone was going to hurt her. Antonia’s gaze slight shifted to Yelena, seemingly trying to gauge a proper response based on how Yelena seemed to react to the entire thing. Yelena just looked at her reassuringly, knowing Natasha would not ever do anything to injure the girl and wanting to make Antonia understand this fact about the redhead.

  Natasha carefully made contact with Antonia’s shoulder, her hand soft with care and concern. Antonia froze stock still, and Natasha ran her hand up to gently rest her hand on the side of Antonia’s neck, just stroking the skin there with her thumb.

  As soon as she did that, Antonia almost looked as if she might cry from the sheer tenderness of the whole thing.

  “We’ll talk about anything you want to,” Natasha assured her, and Antonia swiftly scrambled to try to pull the walls back up that she always was forced to keep throughout the entirety of her life. However, she still looked positively wrecked, and when Natasha removed her hand, Antonia’s body slightly chased the touch.

  Yelena felt a small tug of something odd inside of her, but she immediately wrote it off as pity for her fellow widow.

  “If it is not too much trouble,” Antonia very tentatively began, her voice firm but at the same time, so utterly and terribly vulnerable. Natasha nodded easily and encouragingly, her head lowered a bit so she could peer into Antonia’s face from where the younger girl had bowed her head somewhat from her timidity and uncertainty.

  “I would like to speak with you alone,” Antonia quietly admitted, and she froze a bit, her gaze growing slightly steely as she no doubt tried to prepare herself for potential rejection.

  “Sure. Whatever you need,” Natasha agreed quickly, nothing but kindness in her features, and Antonia loosened up a bit, her posture significantly less rigid.

  Yelena could not deny the slight shock and offense that came over her at the fact that Antonia did not want her there, especially since Yelena had been through the exact same things as she and Natasha. But Yelena made sure it did not show up on her face or in her body language. She glanced between the two slightly before nodding, her gaze lingering on Natasha.

  “I’ll leave you two to it,” Yelena spoke, and Natasha glanced gratefully in her direction for just a short moment before redirecting her focus on the girl before her and starting to head somewhere more comfortable to speak with her.

  Yelena watched them for a moment before heading off in the opposite direction, for some reason finding herself feeling something that she had never exactly experienced before.

  However, she pushed the emotion away, looking forward to when she and Natasha would have some time together and she could perhaps subtly pry some information from Natasha about her conversation with Antonia.

    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

       But that emotion came quickly flooding back in when she discovered that Antonia would be staying with the two of them for a week or so. Natasha had seemed excited for her stay, and Yelena could easily read the guilt that the redhead was carrying.

  Yelena tried to tell herself that it was only that sense of obligation that was fueling Natasha’s desire to spend time with Antonia, but this tactic was not doing much to reassure her when Natasha kept focusing so much on the brunette.

  It started growing frustratingly obvious that she was never going to spend any time alone with Natasha except for at bedtime, and they could not talk for nearly as long as Yelena would like because they had to go to bed at a normal time because Natasha insisted on making Antonia comfortable since Antonia got up early. It was no doubt a habit from her time in the Red Room, and despite the fact that Natasha was not an extremely early riser, she wanted to do anything she could to accommodate the guest.

  Natasha and Antonia went everywhere together, Antonia following Natasha like a desperate little puppy that was hoping for its next scrap of attention and mostly ignoring anyone and everyone else that was around. It made Yelena very thankful that she definitely never looked like that when she was with her sister.

  Now, the three of them were out for a run. Natasha always ran in the mornings, and Yelena had decided to come along since she had been waking up early with Natasha every morning because of Antonia. She was really hoping that she was going to finally get some time with just her sister, but of course, Antonia asked what they were doing, and Natasha extended the invitation to join them.

  And of course, Antonia took her up on it. Much to Yelena’s chagrin.

  Yelena had actually tried to talk to Antonia several times during the course of their time together this week, and Antonia would always reply awkwardly and follow it up with something to include Natasha in the conversation as well. It was painfully and frustratingly clear that Antonia was downright obsessed with Natasha and obviously saw her as some sort of invincible hero since she saved her from Dreykov.

  It annoyed Yelena to no end, and it contributed to her current sour mood.

  However, her mood did not last long, because once they had almost reached home, Yelena spotted her favorite convenience store with her favorite icy slushies.

  “Hey, wait!” Yelena slowed as they approached the front of the store, and Natasha and Antonia paused in front of her, turning to face the blonde. Antonia looked prepped to take on some sort of threat and Natasha had a weariness in her eyes that indicated that she knew precisely what Yelena was about to say.

  “Let’s get a slushie,” Yelena suggested, jabbing a thumb in the direction of the store, and Natasha groaned as Antonia loosened up, the confused look still persisting on her face.

  “Seriously, Yelena? They’re so gross,” Natasha unhappily expressed, and Yelena just smirked widely, glad to have Natasha’s attention on her alone.

  “They’re good! Besides, it’s not for you. It’s for me,” Yelena informed her as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and Natasha just looked at her for a long moment, debating it heavily. She finally sighed and gave in, offering Yelena a slight smile before instead looking at Antonia.

  “You want to try one?” Natasha offered, and Antonia just blinked, looking terribly unsure of herself as she stared at Natasha with something akin to worry in her eyes.

  “What is it?” Antonia uncertainly questioned.

  “An ice-filled flavor experience,” Yelena quickly answered, her eyes solely on Natasha, and Natasha flashed her a playfully exasperated look before returning her attentions to Antonia.

  “They come in several different flavors. They’re just ice with liquid that tastes like different things. There’s cherry, grape, blueberry, and—”

  “Pineapple,” Yelena happily finished, her eyes sparkling as she grinned widely at her older sister.

  “I guess I would like to try it if that’s alright,” Antonia somewhat meekly spoke, her gaze conveying her slight nervousness. Natasha just smiled at her reassuringly, slowly reaching out a hand to place on her back and guide her in the door with her after Yelena.

  Once Yelena looked back at them and spotted the scene, she felt a bit of irrational irritation starting to rise in her. It confused her, but she wasted no time in simply choosing to ignore the feeling.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

       However, it was when the three of them had went to the Avengers tower and Yelena passed by the gym that the blonde fully realized precisely which emotion that she was experiencing.

  Once she caught the smallest glimpse of Natasha’s red hair in the room, Yelena wasted no time starting to head in. She even had a gleefully wicked smirk on her face, aiming to say something snarky and hopefully earn her sister’s attentions at least a little.

  However, when she first crossed the threshold, she stopped, staring at the scene unfolding.

  Antonia and Natasha were in there together sparring, but that was not the especially unusual and heart-destroying part.

  Natasha was showing Antonia some of her rarely used and almost secret yet most advanced fighting moves that she had promised to teach Yelena at some point soon.

  Yelena’s honey-green eyes were locked on the pair as a rage started to flare up deep inside of her. She could feel her skin prickling and her entire person starting to grow hot. Her current leather jacket that she had stolen from Natasha’s closet felt entirely too stifling.

  It was finally more than she could take, and she stepped forward, fury and pain fueling her every movement.

  “What are you doing?” she asked simply, making her presence known, and both of the girls in the ring paused in their sparring.

  “Just teaching Antonia some moves,” Natasha responded carefreely, and Yelena did not miss how Natasha’s eyes softened as she looked at Antonia. Yelena somehow found herself even more incensed simply from the expression. That expression was for Yelena. It always was. And it did not belong to Antonia.

  “Ah,” Yelena replied shortly, nodding curtly. She looked down at the ground, crossing her arms. She could feel their eyes on her, and after a moment, she shifted her gaze back up to meet Natasha’s light greens.

  “I couldn’t help but notice… Don’t those moves just happen to be the ones that you agreed to teach me?” Yelena asked as her anger finally started to take precedence in her voice, her head tilted just a little as she waited for an answer.

  Antonia looked terribly uncomfortable as she stiffened, her eyes moving awkwardly between the two sisters. Natasha straightened a little, looking somewhat surprised.

  “Yeah… I was teaching Antonia so she could help me teach you,” Natasha spoke, and unfortunately, Yelena knew that the older woman was being as genuine as could be with her words. She read no deceit in her tone or in the way that she looked at Yelena. However, it still enraged Yelena because this was supposed to be something that she was going to do with Natasha and Natasha alone. It was supposed to be something they spent time together doing.

  “Oh, okay… I see,” Yelena nodded a mocking grin on her face, full of fake understanding as she barely kept the anger under the surface. Antonia had moved to the opposite side of the ring, and she was looking down at her fingers, trying desperately to avoid looking at Yelena and Natasha.

  “I guess Antonia is easier to teach than me since she has that photographic memory. And it’d be such a pain to have to teach me alone, right?” Yelena snapped, feeling the tears prickling at her eyes. She knew she was going to have to get out of there quick if she did not want to break down and embarrass herself.

  Natasha’s entire person seemed to deflate considerably as she just stared at Yelena with that same haunted, guilty look that she had done so well getting rid of as she and Yelena spent more time together.

  “Yelena,” Natasha softly spoke, and Yelena shook her head, spinning on her heel and heading toward the door. She needed out, and she could not hold her tears if Natasha was standing there and staring at her like that.

  “No,” Yelena simply replied, negating any of Natasha’s words with the simple force of her chosen response.

  She could hear Natasha calling after her, but she just ignored the older woman, heading out the door and trying to keep the tears contained within her as she stomped away.

    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

     Yelena had retreated into Natasha’s room, and although she knew that she would cross paths with the redhead at some point, she did not exactly have her own room there at the tower despite the fact that it was offered to her. She had turned it down since that was not the place where her and Natasha usually lived anyway, and whenever they were at the tower, she could just sleep in Natasha’s room. After all, she always ended up in Natasha’s bed when they were at home.

  However, at this point, she was beginning to regret making that choice. Every one of her senses was flooded with something that was innately Natasha and while it would ordinarily be comforting, it was exceedingly frustrating at this point.

  All she could focus on was how infuriated and hurt she was about Natasha choosing to pass up their special time together in favor of including Antonia who had only been here for less than a week.

  Yelena had felt jealousy before, but she had never felt it surrounding a person. She had always understood the feeling of jealousy of a person, but never a jealousy closely resembling a possessiveness over a person.

  This was extremely new to her, and it almost surprised her with how much she just wanted to shove and fight Antonia when she truly did not hate Antonia at all. She also had an overwhelmingly huge urge to grab onto her sister and just sit on her or something to make her stay with her instead of spending so much time with another widow.

  Perhaps that was what bothered Yelena most. Antonia was so similar to Yelena in terms of shared experience and backstory. It almost made Yelena afraid that Antonia could easily replace her in Natasha’s eyes and heart.

  She kept trying to tell herself that it was not true and that could never really happen, but it nevertheless was a thought that continued to plague her and was growing even more insistent after catching Natasha and Antonia practicing the moves together.

  Yelena froze a little on the bed as she heard quiet footsteps approaching the door. She felt her anger and injury flaring up even more since she knew precisely who it was. She chewed the inside of her cheek, avoiding looking at the door altogether as she silently seethed.

  “Yelena?” Natasha quietly questioned, and Yelena just kept her back to her.

  “I don’t want to see you right now,” Yelena answered simply, and after a pregnant pause, she heard the door shut. However, she knew that Natasha had not left the room. She could practically feel her despite the fact that there were no sounds announcing her continued presence.

  After a long moment, Natasha stepped further into the room, and Yelena felt the mattress move a little as Natasha rested on it.

  “I’m sorry, Rooskaya. I didn’t know that I was hurting you,” Natasha apologized, and Yelena felt the prickles of anger coming back over her again.

  “I thought I said I didn’t want to see you? That counts not wanting to talk to you, too,” Yelena pointed out, clenching her teeth and knowing that Natasha was not going to give up despite Yelena’s best efforts.

  “I know, but we need to talk. You haven’t been yourself since Antonia got here,” Natasha acknowledged, and Yelena growled under her breath.

  “What gave you that idea?” Yelena questioned, the snark evident in her voice as she challenged Natasha and tried to get a rise from her. Natasha did not react to her words, instead sighing.

  “I didn’t mean to ignore you, Yelena,” Natasha sincerely spoke, and Yelena scoffed with irritation.

  “But you did. You only ever pay attention to Antonia, and I can’t even spend two seconds with you without her butting into our conversation,” Yelena explained, her words losing some of their venom and moving toward a more irritated tone.

  “She’s been talking to only you and keeps taking up all of your time,” Yelena told Natasha, and she found that somehow, she was losing a bit of her gusto and anger in this entire endeavor. She gritted her teeth as her next point came to her.

  “And worst of all, she follows you around like she’s a puppy,” Yelena spat the last word, angry as the mental image returned to her. Natasha was quiet for a long moment, and Yelena wondered why she was not responding. However, she soon felt the bed shaking just a little, and Yelena risked a glance over her shoulder to look at the redhead.

  To her surprise, Natasha was just laughing at her. Yelena furrowed her brow, irritated and confused at the same time, not understanding the source of her sister’s mirth. However, she definitely knew that it had something to do with Yelena.

  “What is so funny?” Yelena asked, her voice almost venomous as she dared her sister to admit that she was laughing at her. Natasha shook her head, pulling herself together as she just kept a small grin on her face.

  “Nothing… It’s just that… You do the exact same thing,” Natasha told her, her eyes glowing as she gazed at Yelena. Yelena just glared at the redhead.

  “I do not.”

  “Yeah, you do.”

  “I don’t follow you everywhere and look at you like you’re some kind of angel,” Yelena replied, and Natasha shrugged a little.

  “Clint wouldn’t agree with you about the last part since he’s said that you look at me like that, but even I can see that you follow me around a lot,” Natasha admitted, her smile soft as she looked at Yelena. Yelena just huffed in aggravation, not as angry as she had been but still not pleased at all with her older sister. She hesitantly turned so that she was laying on her side and facing Natasha.

  “Don’t worry, sweet girl… I love every moment you choose to spend with me. It’s a gift, and I know I don’t deserve it,” Natasha expressed, her every word in that tone of painful, guilt-ridden honesty and reverence. Yelena felt her heart tug toward her sister, her anger starting to shift into just hurt and the need to be held in Natasha’s arms.

  “I only was going to teach Antonia first because I knew that if someone else learned the moves, then it would help you learn. More than one person’s perspective is sometimes helpful when teaching things,” Natasha explained softly, her light green eyes apologetically gazing into Yelena’s.

  “I wanted to learn it with just me and you,” Yelena told her, and she could not help but feel childish as she uttered the words. She looked away from Natasha, focusing her gaze on the bed where they were lying.

  “And I’m going to teach you. Without Antonia there, okay?” Natasha assured, her voice gentle, and Yelena raised her gaze back up to meet Natasha’s eyes again.

  “I don’t hate Antonia,” Yelena admitted quietly, trying to ensure that Natasha understood the situation better. She did not want Natasha to think that she despised Antonia. Yelena actually liked Antonia. She just did not like how Antonia focused all of her attention on Natasha and took Natasha away from her.

  “I never thought you did.”

  “I don’t want… Ya ne khochu, chtoby ona menya zamenila,”1 Yelena explained, shifting to a language more comfortable to her to allow such a tender confession. Natasha hesitantly reached her arm out to the blonde, aiming to touch her face. However, at this point, Yelena was ready for her sister to give her affection. She was not angry anymore, and Yelena moved in closer, avoiding the hand coming for her face in favor of getting near enough to the redhead to press her forehead and nose against Natasha’s.

  “You will never be replaced. You will always be my sister,” Natasha murmured to her with the softest of tones, and Yelena let out a breath of relief, feeling a wave of warmth and happiness wash over her at Natasha’s claiming of her. It made her feel so much better about the whole thing.

  “You know, my biggest problem with Antonia is that you are my sister. Not hers. Vse moye,”2 Yelena told her, possessiveness slipping into her voice a bit more than she had intended. However, Natasha seemed just as pleased with the words as Yelena had been with Natasha’s admissions. Natasha just moved her face up a bit, kissing the tip of Yelena’s nose gently before pressing their noses together.

  “I’m always yours,” Natasha assured her, her light greens boring holes in Yelena’s honey-green pools.

  Yelena smiled, closing her eyes as she just comfortably enjoyed Natasha’s touch as she ran her hand along Yelena’s side lovingly. They were quiet for a long moment, silently enjoying each other’s company when Yelena suddenly felt some guilt creeping upon her from how she no doubt made Antonia feel.

  “Was Antonia upset?” Yelena asked, her words simple but her tone conveying her concern and guilt.

  “She felt bad at first, but I explained it to her. She’s okay,” Natasha assured Yelena, and she settled back against Natasha, fully allowing herself to relax.

  Several moments passed before Yelena chuckled a little and grinned, a thought coming to her.

  “Speaking of Antonia… Did you teach her how to pose?”

[alreadyblondenow]

When December comes | Hendery

✦ Hendery x reader x Lucas ✦ Fluff, Smut, Angst, Royalty AU, Nutcracker AU ✦ 3/5 for HOLIDAY SERIES: Once Upon A December

Summary: As an adopted legitimate princess and future queen of two kingdoms, you grew up proving yourself that you deserve the role that has given to you. Nothing is simple about being an adopted princess but being arranged to marry Prince Hendery turned your life upside down.He left you, eventually. And by the time he came back to your life, you have a loving boyfriend, and Prince Hendery…. is arranged to be married to your sister now.  

Word count: 8,690k

Warnings: adopted reader (if thats triggering at any point, please click away) A lot of smut, unprotected sex, mentions of sex, swearing, mentions of other idols, fingering, mentions of rough sex, heavy cheating, major character death

A/N: PURE FICTION. This is a love triangle fic but not much focused to Lucas, more on Hendery. Inspired by a bunch of royalty movies, especially princess diaries, Nutcracker (ballet), inspired by the song Satisfied from Hamilton. Love writing for Hendery so much. Check my recent post for Hendery’s thirst photos whahaha, as per Lucas character here idk I always see him as sweet and lovable and he always knows what to do. The guy has serious good leadership skills if you haven’t’ notice and i think its sexy. I’m glad this didnt reach to 10k bc u know me i hate my works being long af haha enjoy reading mwa!

For @jeongyoonohs​ sorry it took me so long to finish this :( But this is for you! 

OPENING

Once upon a time, in a kingdom not so far away, ruled by a king and queen who can’t have a baby no matter how many times they’ve tried. The sad news spread all over the kingdom and caused chaos everywhere mainly because they were scared for the fall of their beloved kingdom.

But the king is wise. He made an alliance with the kingdom of his truest friend and together they helped each other’s kingdom by making an agreement. “I can’t have a child, but my queen and I have decided to adopt a baby girl,” the king says to his fellow king.

“And my wife is carrying a baby boy”

“It’s settled then. My adopted daughter will be arranged with your son, and someday be married to each other” They shook hands and made the agreement official by sealing it with their signatures and royal seals in front of their queens.

The kingdom that lost their trust with their king is now calmed relieved after hearing the great news of the two kingdoms having an alliance. And to fully earned their trust again, they searched far and wide for a baby girl that will soon be the future of their kingdom.

“And that baby girl is you my darling” your grandfather finishes his bedtime story to you. Caging you in his strong arms, cradling you like you’re truly related by blood. “Grow up as a fine woman and save this kingdom” he added. You embraced your grandfather back and smiled so sweetly at him, tracing his handsome features… then you remembered.

“Tell me the story about the Nutcracker prince,” you singsong to him. He doesn’t tell you the original story, but instead, he always tells you his version and it’s always better. His embrace became tighter, then he looked at his expensive watch to check how many minutes does he have left.

“Okay. I only have a few minutes left, princess” He started by introducing the Nutcracker prince to you which is actually magical because even though you’ve heard of this so many times it never gets old and you’re always excited to hear it again.

He described the prince as a soldier like him, but a younger version he says with a giggle. And that Nutcracker slash prince slash soldier is made specifically for you so that one day, the two of you can rule two kingdoms all at once. “Why do I need a prince?” you pout, and your grandfather is startled by your question.

“Well, jeez, I don’t know. I’m sure you can still be a fine queen without a prince, right?” he says while tucking you in and preparing you for bed. “But let’s just say that princesses like you need a proper man like the Nutcracker because… grandfather will not always be by your side” of course he can’t mention death to you, no, you’re too young to know about these things. So he kissed you goodnight on your forehead and promise to see you early in the morning again.

Growing up as an adopted princess was never easy because the eyes of a judging kingdom have always been against you and your family. That’s why as you grow up, you swore to yourself that you will prove them wrong and that you are the future of this kingdom. At a very young age, you made your parents proud of your gift of leadership and continue to make them proud by doing great in school.

Until one day, the queen finally got pregnant.

The kingdom became so busy about the queen’s pregnancy and literally, every person is excited about your baby sister. You were only nine years old and you were innocent as you can be so you don’t know that the attention is slowly shifting to your baby sister. You didn’t mind of course, again, you were just a kid. But as you grew older and older you can finally foresee a life behind the shadow of your baby sister. The real princess. It’s like she took everything from you… but whenever you remember that you’re adopted, it seems like she’s just taking what’s originally hers in the first place.  

Today is your thirteenth birthday and you celebrated it with your grandfather in an amusement park. He is the only person left in your life who can see you as a rare gem and you’re thankful for him. As you walked around the busy park, with a few bodyguards on your sides, you and your grandfather laugh and laugh while you’re eating hotdogs on a stick.

“Your father told me that you refused to have a ball for your thirteenth birthday? Why?” he asked while enjoying his food.

“I’m not a real princess grandfather, I don’t deserve a ball. And besides, riding that scary rollercoaster is better than dancing with a bunch of princes whom I don’t know in the first place, and playing dress-up the whole night”

“Hmm. Don’t you say that you’re not a real princess, there was a Y/n before your baby sister. And the kingdom is still looking forward with you ruling us someday because you’re older than your sister and you’re still a legi-“

“timate daughter, I know, I understand grandfather thank you for reminding me” you wiped the ketchup on his lips and smiled at him, “What will I do without you? I hope that my Nutcracker prince is exactly like you. Wise and strong”

“Don’t worry about that darling, you’re still young, and I’m still here” he giggles and walks you towards that scary rollercoaster ride.

ACT 1

Things slowly change around the castle and you learned to distant yourself from your parents but not forgetting your duty as a first born and legitimate adopted daughter of the king and queen. And as you enter royal high school, you thought that your life will get uglier but no. Surprisingly, school made you feel alive and less of a princess and more like a future leader.

But most importantly, you finally met your Nutcracker. Prince Hendery.

Usually, prince and princesses meet for the first time during a royal ball, soiree, or a simple lunch at the palace’s garden grounds. But you and Prince Hendery, met in the school hallway for the first first time. It is as if your whole world slowed down, every student walked in slow motion while you and Hendery locked eyes on each other. And the best part is, he did not know that you’re the princess who’s meant to be forever with him.

At first, you don’t talk to each other and just simply exchange smiles and glances from time to time whenever you cross paths in the hallway, eating at the cafeteria, or ‘reading’ at the library. You thought it wasn’t fair that you know everything about him but he doesn’t even know what you look like.

“You know I’ve been flirting with this princess for months already, do you know her name?” Hendery whispers at his fellow prince, Xiaojun, and told him to take a look at where you’re seated. Xiaojun then scoffed at his friend and playfully slapped Hendery’s face knowing that he is completely clueless about who you are.

“I don’t know if you’re always going to be this dumb, you’re going to be a king someday. Anyway, that princess is Y/n. The Y/n” and that is all it takes to make Hendery realize that he has been flirting with his soulmate for weeks now.

From there on the prince has become bold with his gestures. Sitting with you during breaks, even flirting with you in front of your friends and his friends. Prince Hendery has the most beautiful smile you have ever seen, hair is black and soft and you bet it smells good either, he was tall but just right for your height. Not only he was perfectly handsome, but he is a gentleman too. In other words, everything about him screams prince charming.  

You and prince Hendery were the talk of royal school. Everyone knew about your arrangement and the alliance of your kingdoms. You even hear people talk on the hallways that you’re literally made for each other that’s why everyone envied you.

“Let’s grow up first, okay?” Hendery says, giving you a single rose during your school’s Valentine event. A simple gesture that says there's no need to rush on being in a relationship and make everything official between the two of you but also, it was a subtle move to show everyone that you already belong to each other so there should be no competition.

You fell in love with each other from a distance, not rushing through love, taking your time, and enjoying your youth because you have a lifetime together. Although, Hendery likes reminding everyone that you’re his in the most subtle way, may it be hugging you in public, kissing your cheek before you go home, and smiling your way whenever he sees you around the school.

From freshman year until your senior year, you and Hendery waited until you’re both legal of age to finally make it official. The news was all over the TV, tabloids, articles, and magazines that you’re in love with each other. It was a cute high school sweethearts story and every day was perfect.

Senior year just started and you and Hendery decided to study together but the planned study session became a make out session, giggling and cuddling in his bed while still wearing your uniforms. The prince was looking at you, admiring your pretty face touching your features softly then suddenly he noticed that he can almost see your breast. He looked away, of course. And covered his head with one of his pillows as he groans in frustration.

“What? Why?” you asked, completely clueless. He didn’t answer you, instead, he covers your exposed skin with a small pillow. “Oh shit, I’m sorry” you apologized immediately and became shy like him too.

“It’s okay. If I’m being honest I wanted to touch you but, I knew better than that. Can we promise to be each other’s first and last?”

“You mean sex?”

“Exactly, sex”

“Only if we seal it with a kiss,” you bite back in a flirty tone, looking at his pink lips that are slowly coming closer to you. When your lips touched, you returned the kiss and swing your arms around his neck, situating him accidentally in between your legs. Skirt lifted and all. Your bodies are becoming warm in an instant and you both know you need to stop before you make wrong decisions.

“How's that for a promise? Let’s get married when we grow older and have sex every day” he bit the shell of your ear, making you giggle and laugh with him. Being this horny with each other is normal, you thought. You are both young and full of passion, and it amazes you how Hendery wanted to wait until you get married and be kings and queens.

Senior year is perfect. Every day.

Until one day, Hendery’s father died and he stopped coming to school. You hear different kinds of gossip every day. 'Is he a king now? That's why he's not coming to school?', 'School is boring for king Hendery now', 'Are they gonna be married soon?', 'Are they even ready to rule yet?'. Again, you were the talk of the nation. The headline ‘Prince Hendery left Princess Y/n’ was everywhere and you can't do anything about it. You weren’t hurt that he left everything, you were more worried because maybe he’s all alone and grieving. You wanted to ask his family but you respect their privacy.

“So he just left?” you told your grandfather everything. He just came back from his cruise around the world and you’re happy to see his visible tan lines, for sure he had a great time.

“Yep, just like that grandfather,” you walk shoulder to shoulder around the palace’s garden, looking at the flowers and harvesting some fruits.

“Well, I’m sure he had his reasons. Just stretch your patience my darling, you know what they say, love is patience” he pats your hand before picking a lemon. “Enough about the prince, I heard you are making quite an impression now. The king is beyond impressed” he was talking about your win, elected student body president. Apparently, it’s a big deal for your father, because, during his stay in royal school, he was elected as president too.

“I didn’t try too much, I think I won because of my popularity and not because of my leadership skills” you once again doubted yourself but of course, your grandfather is here to straighten you up.

“Show them you’re both. Popular and a great leader”

It was always a good talk with your grandfather, but whenever you remember that Hendery is not with you anymore it automatically makes you sad. You missed him. So much.  

ACT 2

But even though you missed Hendery and it’s like he took a part of your heart and brought it with him, life goes on. You faced Senior year and showed everyone your perfect smiles like nothing is bothering you. But at night, when you’re all alone, you just can’t help but look at your pictures with Hendery on your phone and miss him.

Life goes on.

With or without your prince.

You studied day and night, kept your eyes on the prize, and busy yourself until your heart is finally healed. You waited for him of course, you waited long and hard but you can’t wait forever.

As you continue to know yourself, get involved with a lot of organizations in college, your journey has become even more thrilling when you met Lucas. He’s not royalty nor does he came from a rich family, he’s “just a man who’s brave enough to ask a princess on a date” his exact words.

Lucas is a whole new adventure to you. He’s the epitome of new things and new experiences. But your favorite thing about Lucas is, he can make you forget that you’re a princess even just for a few hours. He made you happy every day because he never forgets to tell you that being happy is the most important thing in this world. He loves you with every part of his being. And he’s ready to face your world and be with you in every step until you become queen.

“N-no I don’t want to be king. I can be your butler and still love you for all I care” he covers your naked body while you both come down from your highs. Tonight is one of those nights that you can be with Lucas without having your bodyguard. He was praising you during sex, calling you ‘princess’ or ‘my queen’ whenever he thrust and pushes you on the edge, so you asked him a stupid question if he wants to be king. “I just want to be with you, people may see me as a gold digger once the news that you have a commoner boyfriend comes out, but we both know that’s not true right?”

“Of course, not” you embraced him and apologized for the question, hiding your face on his chest. You feel his big hands caress your back to comfort you and soon plant kisses on your temple. He’s always sweet and gentle like this. If only people would see the kind of person Lucas truly is.

“But what if he comes back? What will happen to us?” he was talking about Hendery. When Lucas knew that you’re arranged to be married to Hendery, he didn’t take it lightly. He was mad but not to you. You didn’t talk for weeks and you’re both heartbroken, but Lucas realized that it's better to love you fiercely now than waste his time worrying about the future.

“I will talk to my father, don’t worry about that. Wong Yukhei don’t you trust me?” you kissed his chest to put him back in the mood and change the subject. Of course, he can’t say no to you.  

After getting your degree in college, you started working for the king and queen, spearheading foundations, and knowing the kingdoms that you’re going to rule someday. Remember when you thought your parents will forget about your existence because they had your sister? Well, that didn’t happen. Your parents were proud of everything you’ve achieved and they wanted your sister to follow in your footsteps.

Slowly, you proved to them that you don’t need a king to rule this kingdom. Introducing Lucas to your parents did not go well at first but eventually, they saw that you and Lucas are happy with each other despite having different worlds.

Still, they want to keep your relationship hidden.

It’s Christmas Eve and you’re all dressed up right now, ready to shake a lot of hands and dance with a bunch of princes and dukes and god know what else but you can’t help but take care of a few things before you enjoy this night. You were signing some last minutes contracts and reading proposals when you heard a soft knock from your door, “S-sorry. Come in” you see your boyfriend dressed up in a tux, looking so handsome. He smiled at you before he enters and closed the door behind him, “well you look dashing” you put your pen down and crossed your arms.

“I’m here to pick you up your majesty, the guests are waiting downstairs and your grandfather-“

“Oh he’s here! Perfect!” you exclaimed and express your excitement upon hearing that your grandfather is here. You haven’t seen him for a very long time and you have lots of stories to tell him. “Oh shit- by the way. Lucas, uhm… Can you zip my dress, I forgot I unzip it because it was uncomfortable. Stupid ball gowns” you said, turning your back to Lucas and waiting for him to take care of your zipper. But before he zips you up, he kisses your exposed shoulders and massaged them.

“Don’t forget to have fun tonight okay? I’ll be watching you like a hawk the whole night- well actually, not you. The men that will dance with you tonight” Because Lucas has no rank or title, he can’t earn a dance with you because it’s against the conditions that your father gave.

“All done your majesty,” he says and stepped back to open the door for you.

Every Christmas Eve, throwing an extravagant ball has been your family’s tradition for centuries. It is known by royalties across the globe and this fancy Christmas party is actually part of your kingdom’s history. Different respective kings, beautiful queens, annoying princes and princesses, dukes and duchess are invited and all are here not only to have fun but also here to talk business with you.

The night goes on, dancing with a few guests before you meet and spend some time with your grandfather. You wanted to whine and complain to your assistant but she’s just doing her job so you shrugged it off. “How many more left?” you asked while waiting for the next Prince to ask to dance, “two more your majesty. Your grandfather is next after this” you smiled and thanked her, giving a bow to the next prince who’s about to dance with you. And the moment you lift your head to meet his eyes, you thought you were dreaming.

For a moment you forgot proper princess etiquette and gave Hendery a tight hug, shocking everyone at your behavior but they’re even more shocked about Hendery’s appearance. ‘The son of the dead king has finally shown himself’ you hear everyone murmur around you but you don’t care. You smiled so big seeing that handsome face again. He kissed your hand and asked you to dance which you accepted gladly, now that Hendery is back and you’re all dressed up wearing your tiara, you feel like a real princess finally meeting his prince in a storybook.

“Where have you been?” you whispered to him.

“I’m sorry I left you like that, I was devastated” he whispers back as you two dance in the middle of the ballroom with the other royalties, trying so hard to hide the excitement. While you were dancing with Hendery, you remember that handsome smile that made your knees weak, his sweet gestures to prove his feelings for you, and your promises to each other.

Is it really true that first love never dies or your love for Hendery was just too strong that it never died?

When Hendery was about to hand you over to your grandfather, your father and mother came out of nowhere with your younger sister on their side. Is it because they’re happy to see Hendery too? Or are they going to press you regarding the arranged marriage again? You cling to your grandfather as you get nervous but careful not to show it. “Ah! Hendery welcome back! How was your time in the army, good?” your father exclaims. So all this time he knew where Hendery is.

“I had a hard time your highness, but I made it back in one piece” Hendery answered and made a small joke that made you all giggle and let out a small laugh. Oh you missed him.

“Hendery, I want you to meet Y/n’s younger sister” you watch him kiss your sister’s hand, “and also your future bride to be”

You were completely taken aback by what you just heard and the words that came into your head were, ‘I thought you were mine’ but you didn’t speak your mind and listened further to what your father is saying. But as you listen more, you feel like your dress was becoming tighter and tighter in every second that you can’t breathe anymore. “She will be your queen in your kingdom, and Y/n will be an independent queen here” your father explained proudly.

“But she’s too young” you pointed at your sister but you see how your sister’s eyes are sparkling. Too late. You thought. You watch her be charmed by Hendery’s visuals, that damn smile captured your sister’s heart in an instant.

“Hendery can wait until his bride is in the right age to be married, right son?”

“Of course your highness, it’s my duty” he answered confidently.

After the unexpected talk, you excused yourself, went to your room, and breathed outside on your balcony. You can’t forget your sister’s face as she looks at the man you used to kiss and you used to love. She has no idea what controversy she will face in the future, she is so young and blinded by infatuation…Or maybe you’re being like this because you’re jealous.

“Believe me I’m just as shock as you are”

A familiar voice made your heart race and your body stiffen in no time. You turned around secretly hoped that you’re wrong, but you will never forget his voice and also how his mere presence makes your heart excited. “How did you get in here?”

You hear him scoff and stood behind you, “We used to make out a lot in your room-and mine too of course. I still remember the way to your room by heart” he looked up the stars to stop himself from looking at you. You looked so beautiful tonight that he can’t stop blushing and admiring you.

You were silent. Mainly because you don’t know what to say and you’re not sure what to feel either.

“It’s going to be fine” with all his courage he tried hugging you like how he used to when you were only teenagers. But you pushed him away and stepped away from him. Hendery felt a slight pang in his heart, he never thought that you could do that to him.

“Were not together now don’t you get it? You were gone for years Hendery, a lot has changed”

“You’re hurting me, this is not our fault we love each other what's wrong with that” he reasons out, trying to lower his voice because someone might hear him.

“Loved. Past tense. My sister likes you and you are arranged to be married to her Hendery” you close your eyes as you remember what happened again earlier.  

“If I have known that life will take you away from me, I shouldn’t have wasted my time and showered you with love and affection when we were young”

With a heavy heart, your first love left you in the cold night with a confused mind.

ACT 3

To make it up with your grandfather, you spend Christmas morning with him while drinking tea by the palace garden and telling him numerous stories about Lucas…and also your talk about Hendery last night.

“Don’t do something stupid that your future self with regret” he says, stirring his coffee and chewing his bread with jam. He was talking about cheating, he didn’t tell you exactly but you get it. “Did you tell your boyfriend already about what you felt upon hearing your sister’s engagement?” You shook your head and see your grandfather get disappointed but he understands that everything that’s happening now is not easy for you.

“He’s away, for now, left first thing in the morning to go to Hong Kong for his family” you felt hopeless again.

“Oh everything will be fine. I’m sure he will understand, that man is wise. I’m rooting for him” he says like Lucas is his son.

“What- really not Hendery?” you let out a laugh because your grandfather is cute.

“Nope. Now, don’t ask me why. Figure it out yourself” he winks and continues to eat his breakfast.

As days go by without Lucas, you and Hendery continue to meet each other accidentally whenever he visits your sister. You’re a busy woman, but your mind seems to have time to think whether they kissed already, hold hands, or admitted their feelings to each other if there's any.

You saw flowers on your way to your office and you thought that maybe it's for your sister, from Hendery and you can’t help but to get envious and jealous. He used to give you flowers back when you were in high school and now… he’s doing it to your sister too.

While you were reviewing proposals, you got a phone call from your personal phone and it's Lucas which you’re very excited to answer. “Hey” you singsong, putting the phone between your ear and neck while you continue to scan through papers.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch, everything okay back there?”

No. You wanted to tell him that you’ve been having these weird feelings towards Hendery. “No, baby. Everything’s fine, I’m working now… As usual- how's everyone there?”

“They miss you. They wanted you to visit next year” he says, breathing deeply before he continues. “Listen, I want to stay here for a little longer. I miss them too you know-“

“And it’s fine! Baby, I understand. You’ve done so much for me already, go and be with your family” you felt guilty for caging Lucas in your country. Even though he’s the one who wanted to stay here, still. You can feel that he’s homesick sometimes.

After working in your office, you went straight to your room and purposely skipped dinner because you knew that Hendery is still here. When you opened your door, the same flowers that you thought Hendery gave to your sister is sitting on your coffee table with a small envelope that has your name on it.

Dear Y/n,

Back when we were in high school, I gave you a single rose for Valentine's day and I told you, “Let’s grow up first”

Now that we're all grown up, and still obviously madly in love with each other, I will not hold myself back from loving you. Not anymore.

I’m sorry for leaving, please give me a chance and meet me at the back of the palace at midnight. I’ll be waiting.

H.

Bold of him to think that you’re still madly in love with him. How can he say that?

You look at the letter as you grow weak and let yourself flop on your couch, face first and still undecided if you’re going. Frustrated and guilty, that’s what you’re feeling ring now. Frustrated because you don’t know what to follow, your heart or your mind. Guilty because your heart says you should go.

At the end of the day, you find yourself walking in the dark on your way to the back of the castle to meet Hendery. Hugging yourself as you cling more in your thin cardigan, trying to keep yourself warm as you feel your heartbeat faster by every second you come closer to the meeting spot. You see Hendery at the back of a thick tree, face illuminated because of his phone screen. “Oh you’re here. Sorry I was about to ring your phone” he admitted.

“Why am I here? What do you want?” You asked in the softest way possible. He saw that you’re shivering and invited you to go around the tree. There you see a blanket and small pillows and the lake was perfectly lit by the moon. What a beautiful view. And while you were admiring the view, you feel him place his jacket around you and motions you to sit on the ground with him.

“Please for once let’s pretend I didn’t leave you. I didn’t want my father to die, I didn’t expect our kingdom to suffer. And you’re the only good thing that’s left to me. So please”

You looked at him for a second that soon turned into minutes. You bit your lower lip and you remember that you weren’t mad at him for leaving, so why are you mad at him now?

Slowly, you accepted the warmth that he offered and sat close to him, sharing the blanket and keeping you close. “You’re here to hear me apologize sincerely” he gulps before he starts talking and explaining why he left, looking into your eyes so you know he’s telling you the truth. He told you that his father’s last will is for him to join the army and to be a soldier because in his father’s eyes he’s not yet ready to be a young king so he didn’t have a choice but to leave.

You were heartbroken while hearing his part. “I was never mad at you for leaving. I was worried about you”

He smiled sweetly at you. The kind of smile that makes your body warm and heart flutter, he pulled you close and you let him. “I know. Mother told me you were looking for me, but she can’t tell you anything. I told her I’m the one who should tell you someday. I’m sorry” he embraced you tightly, his cheeks resting on your shoulders. And right then and there everything is clear to you. You still have feelings for him.

“What are we gonna do now? My sister, Lucas” you asked him as you rake away strands of hair from his face.

“I’m not in love with your sister” he admitted without hesitation.

“But I love Lucas” there’s that guilty feeling again. You feel your heart breaking for Lucas, he doesn’t deserve being cheated on like this.

“I thought you were mine” he whispers. And even if it's a whisper the hurt was obvious from the sound of his voice. He didn’t see it coming. He didn’t think that this will be more complicated than he imagined.

“Funny. I thought the same thing when my father told us you're enggaged to my sister” you admitted and scoffed.

“Give me a chance to win you back. And if you're not coming back to me, just let me be with you for a little longer. I beg you”

There was a moment of silence and Hendery understands that you needed that silence to think, “Okay” you said. And saying ‘okay’ never felt so wrong. You cupped his face and tried to turn this moment around, “what's it like to be away from home?”

“Sad. I think of you every day and of course my family but they get to see me but you... not even a picture just our memories in my head”

Now that Hendery is a prince slash soldier, you remember the Nutcracker story your grandfather used to tell you for bedtime. That’s when you realized that you and Hendery are truly made for each other.

But you have Lucas...

As your night with Hendery continues and makes up for lost time, the emotional reunion turned to giggles and laughs when your time together has ended. He invited you over to his own house for a date since he can’t take you out like he used to, and reminded you that you gave him a chance to win you back, and thanked you.

On the next day, your mind was blanked. You can’t believe that you’re cheating on Lucas and have been refusing to answer his calls.

Days went on like this until you’re not awkward with Hendery anymore and you’re comfortable again around him. He showered you with love, you accept it wholeheartedly. Every day was sweet with Hendery even though you’re both aware of the future consequences but no one seems to care for now.

You go to his place and spend time with each other, whether talking the whole night and telling each other stories, him making you giggle and laugh with your legs on top of his thighs while you both sit on his couch enjoying a glass of wine or whenever you’re busy reading something or you brought a little work at his place and he can easily take your stress away by making you laugh.

Today, you came early and decided to cook for him and have dinner together. You don’t know but Hendery is leaning on the door frame of his kitchen with a flower in his hand, watching you chop some peppers in his kitchen. He felt like he finally won you back. Just seeing you hum while you prepare dinner makes his heart so happy. He then walked slowly and hugged you from behind, resting chin at the top of your shoulders, and showed you the flowers he has for you.

You smiled so big, dropping the knife on the chopping board and turning around to give him a kiss.

That’s your first kiss again.

He was shocked but you did it again. You realized he was trying so hard that he’s slowly being successful in winning you back and you’re actually scared of the future but he makes you happy.

“What? It’s not like we haven’t kissed before” you touched his lips and felt his embrace tightens every second. “Dinner in 30 minutes” you smiled and went back to finish chopping the peppers and finding a nice vase for the flowers he gave.

After dinner, a few glasses of wine, cheese, and grapes, you and Hendery are buzzed and talking about work as prince and princesses while enjoying the view from his couch. The lights are turned down low and you didn’t even notice at first but the mood has been making you horny even though your topic was stressful and your minds are clouded with alcohol. You don’t know what came into your head but you sat on his lap with lidded eyes, touching his body feeling his hard rocked abs through his white dress shirt.

He giggles and laughed at you. He’s so fucking handsome when he does that. “Seriously you have to stop you will embarrass yourself in the next morning,” he told you to stop but he fixed the way he sits and made sure you were comfortable on top of him. He teased you more, smiling so handsomely and making your heart flutter.

“I'm not that drunk just buzzed. Want me to prove it?” You challenged with a flirty tone that turns him on.

“Mhmm. Okay,” he tilts his head and waited for this proof you were saying.

“I still remember how we sealed our promises with a kiss. Like that day when we promised to be each other’s first and last” your fingers went up to his hair, ruffling his soft black hair and massaging his scalp.

You don’t know what happened but the mood changes and he’s avoiding your eyes. ”I’m sorry,” he says.

“No no don’t be, you’re here now make it up to me” you kissed his neck while he gets drunk even more because of your kisses. Your hands are placed on his neck like you’re telling him you still belong to each other, rolling your hips slowly to make him horny as much as you are.

“Did you have sex with anyone already?” his question made you stop what you’re doing to him and pulling away from the kiss to look at him, you thought he didn’t like what’s happening. But to your surprise his lips went to your neck, kissing you softly but full of lust. You feel his warm tongue just below your jaw and it felt great.

“Lucas, how about you?” You moaned out, shamefully.

Usually, his heart will hurt whenever you mention Lucas, but he’s the one kissing you now. So instead of getting hurt, he smirked. “A couple of girls. Life can be stressful I need an adult stress release. Any kinks?”

“Not that I know of? You?”

He stopped and looked at you to tell you the story. “Well remember when we were making out and I accidentally saw your breasts?” you nod at him, “I think I developed some kind of breast kink and I always imagine that I’m having sex with you instead of a stranger” he admitted and looked at you clothed breast right now. “That's how much I miss you” he placed a gentle kiss on your lips and went back to leaning comfortably on the couch. He got shy but he can’t stop looking at you.

To be honest your heart swells knowing that he desperately wants you like that. As quickly as you can, you untuck your blouse and removed it in front of the prince. “You can experience the real thing tonight “ you intertwine your hand with his and slowly placed it on your breast.

Breathing heavily. Both of you. You’re like teenagers who are just about to have sex for the first time.

He sat up to meet your lips and kiss you the way you deserved to be kissed, slowly you feel his hand travel to your back to unclasp your bra. You removed and fed his lust, revealing your breast to him for the first time. Hendery was so nervous that his hands are shaking when he removed strands of hair away from your face and held you on your shoulders, slowly he lowered your body on his and started kissing your collar bones and chest before he proceeds to your breast.

It was quiet and all he can hear is your moans and the sound of his wet kisses. You wanted to tell him that his lips feel great against your skin, and simply tell him to fuck you already. When his mouth finally reached your hard nipples and bit them softly, you parted your lips and your arms swings around him and push his head to your breast even more. You noticed he knows how to use his tongue, you figured he has been doing this to someone else for years and years while the whole truth is he always wanted to do it to you. The way he flicked his tongue brings you back to reality and when he sucks your nipples good your grip on his hair tightens and when that happens he bites your nipples again to make you shiver. This man is good.  

He placed his hands just below your boob area to hold you still while he does whatever he wants to your breast. Sucking, pinching, bitting, and kneading. Everything felt good and your moans are good proof. With his strength, he got up from the couch and carried you to his room while you kiss with lust. He lay you down on his king-sized bed and kissed your body down while unbuttoning your pants and pulling them down until you’re only wearing your panties. Hendery then unbuttoned his dress shirt in between your spread legs, kneeling in front of you, stripping until he’s only wearing his boxers briefs. He situates his body on top of you grinding on your clothed private parts, hands all over each other’s body. He then went back to kissing your nipples and sucking them but little did you know Hendery is just distracting you while his hands are slowly coming down inside your panties.

With a great shock, you closed your eyes and parted your lips as you feel Hendery’s cold fingers slide up and down on your wet slit while his mouth is still sucking your nipples. It was a whirlwind of feelings, everything felt good, and seeing Hendery enjoy turns you on too. By the time you had your first orgasm, shaking and body so sensitive with swollen nipples, Hendery was kissing you softly and asking you in the most innocent way if you’re okay. The sound of his giggles makes you calm, the way he whispers soft praises beside your ear while his hands roam freely around your body. Truth is he’s genuinely happy right at this moment because he doesn’t need to imagine anymore.

He went back to kissing your body down until he reaches your wet core and licks it up and down for a while before he lines his cock. In between your widely spread legs, you watch Hendery lick you good and feel him moan from time to time. “Hendery” you called him, kneeling in between your legs in an instant, flashing his beautiful body to you. His skin is flawless, strong arms, perfect abs, and of course, fucking beautiful smile. Everything about him makes you weak right now that you just opened your legs, reach for hard cock, and line it to your entrance yourself. “Woah” he giggled and stopped you, “Okay calm down, I’ll fuck you good I promise” he pumped his cock in front of you and lines it immediately just how you want it and slowly enters you. He wasn’t big like Lucas but he kept his promise, he fucked you good.

So good that you asked for more as you grip his Egyptian cotton sheets and let your body be dragged with every hard thrust he give you.

So good that you asked him to go slower because you don’t want it to end yet.

So good that you asked him to cum inside you and asked for another round.

On your third orgasm, your hole is dripping with mixes of your cum and Hendery’s while the handsome prince is kissing your neck as you come down from your high. “I love you” he whispers but he was too late, you were sleeping soundly already, arms wrapped around his neck. He smiled and kissed you one last time before he pulls out and cleans you up.

He didn’t sleep that night, he just watched you sleep beside him. Let you cling to him in the middle of the night, watch you roll in his bed and expose your body, but of course, he’s quick to cover you again. And when the time comes, he wakes you with kisses on your shoulders, embracing you tightly and kissing you more.

“Wake up” you hear him whisper and you try to open your eyes the moment he told you so. You see his window, it was still dark so you closed your eyes again. “Want to watch the sunrise with me? You’re going to love it” he went down from his bed and opened his curtains so you can have a full view of the sky while you enjoy your comfort in his bed. You sat up and waited for him to join you again and stay warm together. Slowly, you see how the sky became pitch black to deep blue to light blue until you can see the pretty view outside his house. It was calming. He was holding your hand the whole time.

After watching the sunrise with him he fell asleep while holding your hand and you think he’s cute for having a tight grip even though he’s sleeping. While he was sleeping, it’s now your turn to admire his handsome features and watch him sleep before you start your day and make breakfast.

You hate to admit it but it looks like he has completely won you over.

“You look good in my dress shirt” he greets you good morning and kissed you on your temple while you set the table. You feel his hands in your hips, slowly coming down to your butt, and realized that you’re only wearing his dress shirt and thin panties. He still can’t believe that this is all happening, “are you real?” He whispers.

“Yes. Now come on, I have a meeting with the parliament. Need to go home and get ready” you eat some fruits as you scan your schedule for the day and there you see it and completely missed it.

Lucas went home last night. And you left your personal phone in your car. Fuck you said to yourself but didn’t show it to Hendery.

Leaving this morning became harder than you expected and you spent a total of 20 minutes kissing and flirting with Hendery before you finally open the door.

You went on with your day and made an excuse to Lucas as to why you didn’t pick him up at the airport last night. You were at your office with stacks and stacks of paper works and you weren’t even acting stressed when he came in because you were indeed stressed with everything.

“Oh baby, I’m really sorry” you greet him with a kiss and left everything on your desk. Lucas saw how stressed you are so he understood immediately and didn’t even bother asking. “You’re coming home to me tonight right? I missed you” he added and pouted like the big baby that he is.

“Uh-huh. Of course yes, I’m all yours” you smiled and he hugged you so tight before he leaves you to work again.

“Of course. You’re always mine” he said and kissed you goodbye.

The nights are cold for Hendery when Lucas got back because he can’t get a hold of you. No text, no call, no email. No nothing. And once again, he was heartbroken and he felt like he’s losing you again.

When he visited your sister a week since the last time he saw you, Hendery saw you with Lucas and didn’t even think of taking another glance. He had all these emotions ball up in his chest and he needed to release them.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were visiting today” your sister was surprised and invited him into her room. When she turned your back at him, he saw your figure in your sister. He’s back to imagining girls to be you, he’s back to that sick habit of his. But he can't help it. Effortlessly, he flirted with your sister, and surprisingly your sister was horny. Very horny for Hendery. One thing led to another and the next thing he knows he’s fucking her hard from behind kissing her shoulders and imagining that it’s you.

“What’s that noise” you murmur to Lucas while you were having a nap with him. Lucas giggled and whispered back, “I think Prince Hendery paid her a visit and... you know...” he was giggling and keeping you close to him as he went back to his nap, completely clueless that you’re hurting.

Everything that you and Hendery built from the past few days falls down when you came to his house and had your first fight.

ACT 4

“You didn’t call! Or texted that he’s already back you just left me hanging!”

“And that’s a good reason to fuck my sister?”

“It just happened!”

“Bullshit!” You shouted back. Louder than before, completely overpowering his shouts. With all his bravery, he got you a glass of water, came closer to you, and caressed your shoulders to keep you calm.

“I fucked up and I’m sorry, please,” he says sincerely.

Then you realized something.

“You don’t have to say sorry to me. It’s okay if you and my sister fucked because someday you will be married to each other. Were the ones cheating”

He listened to every word you said and begged you to take it back because he’s losing you again. When you finally said, “let’s end this Hendery. Do you want to have more fights like this in the future? What will you feel if I tell you that me and Lucas fucked last night-“

It was like thunder, disturbing the silence of his quiet house when he grabbed the glass of water and threw it in one corner.

“Exactly my point. We don’t belong to each other anymore. I’m sorry”

“Y/n. Please-“ he begged once again but you just repeated everything you said and left him.

The end.

It was the end of your story with Hendery.

But just as you thought that you’re done handling one heartbreak for the day, you’re wrong. Lucas called to tell you the news that your grandfather had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital.

After everything that happened on that day, you never made peace with Hendery and never talked to him again. Lucas saw you at your lowest and took care of you every day after the funeral and never left your side.

Months passed by quickly and Hendery is staying in your palace as per your sister’s request and continue to ignore each other for safety. Sometimes you greet each other for formality but never as friends and as past lovers. Lucas is not stupid to not see what’s happening.

Two months before your coronation day, you were sitting on your throne with your leg up and pouting as you’re thinking if you’re really ready to be a queen. You see Lucas enter the hall but you did not move an inch. He sat on the cold floor in front of you, reaching for your hand and kiss it.

“I miss him, I wish he could see me as a queen” tears started to fall but Lucas is quick to dry them.

“He saw you as a queen already even when you were only a little girl” you understand what he said and you’re thankful for him for not leaving you at your lowest and choosing to be with you even though he found out about you and Hendery. “So... I wanted to do this, while you’re still you. And not...the queen” he says awkwardly and pulls out a small red velvet box.

But you sit properly and stopped him from opening it and saying the question that will change your life, “how can you stay to a woman who cheats?”

“Your grandfather told me love is patient. I had a meaningful talk with him, you’re right he’s wise. He told me you love me and he said if one day you do something stupid and wrong, which turns out you did... He told me ‘check your heart if you still love her, and if you still do marry her and don’t ever let her go again’"

Tears started to fall from your eyes again. “So will you marry me Y/n. Let me be the one to dry your tears forever?” He let out an awkward laugh, nervous about the next thing that will come out of your mouth.

“Yes, of course, yes” you cup his face, and this time you’re the one to dry his tears away.

Little did you know that Hendery heard everything. And he is beyond heartbroken.

[stellarstarwarsimagines]

Hi Anna! How are you? Can I request a Poe x reader please? Poe went on a mission and surprisingly got himself in trouble. The reader is at the base, besides Leia when the info comes and she's losing her mind because he's trying to get out that situation being reckless again. Once the X-Wing touches down at the base, she's running to him, and then she slaps his face for doing stupid shit and then kisses him because she's tired of pretending there's nothing between them and she almost lost him a thousand times and she's done holding herself back. Very fluffy ending. But only if you're up for it. Thank you anyways, I love your blog 💜

Hi! I’m doing okay! Of course you may! You’re so sweet <3 I’m glad you love my blog, and I hope you love this story <3

It wasn’t supposed to be a dangerous mission. Poe had reassured you several times before he left that it was going to be one of those in and out jobs. It was supposed to be so quick that he had even made dinner plans with you, promising to catch you up on everything as soon as he got back. 

He knew how anxious it made you when he went on missions, so he always tried to make them seem less dangerous than they were when telling you about them. Of course that never worked, because as soon as he was gone, you were glued to the comms. At first you had tried to find excuses, anything you could think of, to hover in the background, listening and anxious for the sound of Poe’s voice, but soon enough, everyone caught onto what you were doing, and General Organa had started saving a seat for you by her side. 

Your fingers tapped on the tabletop in front of you in an erratic rhythm, your eyes flashing back and forth between the clock and the light that should be blinking. He should have made contact by now. You had heard as much from the other Rebels in the background who were trying not to show how nervous they were in the presence of you and the General. The anxiety in your chest was making it hard to breath, and you were hoping that no one noticed how heavy your breaths were when you forced yourself to take them. 

A hand closed over your own tapping one, and made you jump. You turned to see the General smiling at you with a look that said she knew all too well what you were going through. “You know as well as I do that Poe doesn’t have a perfect sense of punctuality.” She said, giving your hand a squeeze and then pulling away.

That did manage to bring a smile, however brief. “Never on a mission anyway.” You added. In fact, the only time that Poe ever seemed to be on time was when he was meeting up with you. 

Almost as if she knew what you were thinking, she spoke again. “What plans do you two have when he comes back?” 

“Dinner. Then our usual catch up.” You answered, but then you realized something, and your brows furrowed. “How did you know that we had plans? Did Poe tell you?” You asked, unsure how she would know that because you hadn’t mentioned it to anyone. 

The General shook her head. “You two always do something after he gets back from a mission. I guess we all like to be around the people we love after we’ve come so close to losing them.” 

Love? Did you love Poe? Of course you did. He was your best friend in the galaxy. From the way she had said the word though, it had a different connotation. A connotation that you had always been too afraid to even consider during this time of War. 

“You know it’s a sad thing.” General Organa spoke up again, bringing your attention away from your thoughts and back to her. “People are so frightened of losing their loved ones that sometimes they’re too scared to tell them how they feel about them. After all, would it hurt worse if they lost them?” 

Your heart was hammering against your chest, because she was describing your feelings for Poe to perfection. You had already almost lost him so many times. In the back of your mind, you had been too scared about how crushed you would be if you did lose him for good to tell him how you felt. That you liked him way more than a friend ever should. “Wouldn’t it?” You whispered, looking back at the comm that still wasn’t blinking. 

Her warm hand settled on top of yours, giving it a little squeeze. “I’m afraid you’re the only one that can answer that.” Leia told you, with a small reassuring smile. 

You knew that she was right, after all, she always was, and you had to ask yourself, was holding back your emotions by using the War as an excuse the right thing to do? For either of you? Did Poe deserve to know how you felt about him? How whenever your mind wandered, he was the first thing that you thought about? How when you were having a bad day, he was the first person you wanted to see? How his hugs were your favorite thing in the world, and you never wanted to leave them? How his smiles always made your heart beat out of control? 

“You guys miss me?” 

Almost as if he had been summoned by your thoughts, Poe’s voice came through the now blinking comm, a little breathless, but other than that, sounding like his normal self. 

Relief crashed through your body like a wave, releasing all the tension you hadn’t realized you had been carrying. Before you even realized what you were doing, you had pressed the button, leaning over Leia to speak into the device. “Poe Dameron you better get your ass back to base right now.” 

When he said your name, even through the comm you could hear the surprise. “What are you doing there?” 

“Are you almost here?” You asked, ignoring his question. 

“Yeah, about that . . . I’ve got some company.” 

Any relief that you had felt when he answered, vanished at once, replaced with anxiety again. You backed away from the comm as Leia took over, assessing the situation and sending out Poe’s squadron to help him. Apparently he was being chased by the dreadnought he had infiltrated along with a whole squadron of Ties. 

It wasn’t good odds, and all you could think about was the conversation you had just had with Leia. Were you about to lose your chance to tell Poe how you felt before you even had it? What if a tie got him? Blew his whole ship up and took him from your life? How would you make it? How would you survive without him in your life? Poe had such a large chunk of your heart, and if he was no longer in it . . . 

Would you be left with anything? 

The thought left you clutching your chest, struggling to get air into your lungs. You felt Leia’s hand on your shoulder this time, trying to pull you back. “He wants to talk to you.” She said. 

You nodded, and leaned closer to the device. “Poe?” You said, biting your lip as you waited for his response. 

“Hey, you know I’m going to be okay right?” He said, even though you could hear the rush in his voice, the adrenaline as he dodged ties and attempted to blow up canons on the dreadnought. 

“You better be.” You said, your fingers digging into the table in front of you. “I’ve got something to tell you when you get back.” 

“Something to tell me?” Poe repeated, and you could almost see the confusion on his face. 

Leia’s hand that rested on your shoulder, gave you a squeeze. “Something I should have told you a long time ago.” You admitted, but before he could ask anything else, you bit your lip, your voice taking on an edge. “So if you don’t get back here, I’m going to bring you back and kill you myself Poe Dameron, do you understand?” 

Poe’s laughter filled the room, and you couldn’t help but smile at the sound. “Yes ma’am.” 

What seemed like hours was probably mere minutes as Poe and his squadron fought off the First Order. Part of you didn’t want to listen, too nervous to hear the outcome, or the moment that Poe might get himself killed pulling some stupid stunt, but you couldn’t stop, knowing that in a dog fight, every second counted. Any moment could change the tide. You were so focused you didn’t think you even remembered to breathe until . . . 

“Canon’s out!” A voice called out. 

“Preparing to jump!” Another one said. 

“See you in a second, sweetheart.” Poe told you. 

Leaning back in the chair once more, you let out a sigh, equal parts relieved and nervous that he was on his way back. Leia did the same at your side, and then gave you a look. “Give him hell for me, would you?” She asked, a grin on her lips. 

You nodded, then took off as fast as you could to the hangar. 

It seemed as if you had perfect timing, because as soon as you stepped foot onto the place, Poe’s X-Wing landed a few feet ahead of you. You took a moment to let out a breath, watching as he climbed out of his ship, throwing his helmet off and revealing those wild, dark curls that you loved so much. He was glancing around in every direction, and your heart sped up when you realized that he was looking for you. 

Because as soon as he caught sight of you, a big grin formed on his face. 

You ran to him, not wanting to waste another second being apart, and he held his arms open for you, expecting a hug. 

Instead you slapped him. 

He looked stunned, holding his face with his hand as he stared at you. “OW. What the hell was that -”

You didn’t let him say anything else. Instead you wrapped your arms around his waist and tilted your head to meet his lips in a kiss that it felt like you had been waiting your whole life for. Poe froze for a moment, and you were scared that you had embarrassed yourself, but then his hands cupped your cheeks, and happiness filled your chest as he kissed you back with a passion you couldn’t ever have imagined. You clung to him as your lips moved together in perfect harmony, as if they had been made to kiss each other, and the world faded away, leaving nothing but him and this moment. 

A single, perfect moment. 

When you pulled away, Poe didn’t move, and a soft smile fell on your face as you took in the wide eyes and dazed look as he stared at you. “The slap was for you being stupid. The kiss was because I’m tired of being too scared of losing you to do it. ” You said, biting your lip as you gazed into his eyes. 

It took a couple of moments for him to speak, and when he did, he still looked a bit stunned. “Did that really just happen?” 

You raised an eyebrow at him. “The slap or the kiss?” 

“Both.” 

A laugh left your lips as Poe’s fingers tangled in your hair, massaging into your scalp. “Would you like me to do both again? So you can decide if they’re real?” You teased. 

“You know, I think I’m good on the slapping, but the kissing . . . I may need a repeat. I think I might have blacked out from how good it was.” Poe’s forehead rested against yours as heat flooded your cheeks. “So I’ll need several more to be sure.” He murmured, his nose brushing against your own. 

“Of course,” You replied, a little breathlessly as you felt the feather-like touch of his lips against your own. “We have to be sure.” 

Poe grinned as he met your lips in another kiss. The first of many.