#so it'll be easier to find a good spot at least

[alcego]

Winnie has OCD.

[starry-bi-sky]

childhood friends danny and jason miscellaneous thoughts: because why not, i'm reworking ch2 because it no longer fits with the remaster of chapter 1 so i've been thinking of them, and i love talking about them. which you should totally go read the remaster because its 26k words and im very proud of it and it barely got any attention.

First off Ellie vapes. Mostly because I think its real fucking funny. The first time Danny finds out about it he gets all up in arms about it. Ellie at first thinks its because she's smoking -- which, helloooo pot meet kettle, Danny has been smoking for a lot longer than she has.

And then he throws a curveball at her and says he's upset specifically because its vaping. Like no, no. Dammit, if you're gonna fuck up your lungs you gotta do it properly, none of this cotton-candy flavored nonsense.

He plays it up for laughs and it's largely non-serious 'i can't believe you're using a vape', if only to hide the fact that he is genuinely displeased with his little sister smoking. Self-destructive behaviors and bad habits are his thing, thank you very much.

But, well, he knows he'd be a hypocrite if he told her he didn't like that she was smoking. He's aware its bad for him, but habits are hard to break and he's not particularly keen to break this one in particular.

Danny bullies her relentlessly about it whenever she vapes in front of him. Like don't be a loser, Elle, carry a carton of cigs and a lighter in your back pocket like the rest of us degenerates.

[more under the cut]

Secondly: Danny's piercings? He got the first lobe piercings as a lost bet from Sam in junior year, and they did it in her room with a needle, a small bottle of blood blossom extract, and an apple. He broke out in hives for a week after thanks to the blood blossom, but it prevented the hole from healing up :)

He got the rest done professionally at a piercing place in the Ghost Zone. He asked Johnny where to find it. Sam and Johnny (and Kitty) nearly convinced him into getting snakebites. He got an eyebrow piercing instead.

Danny's undercut is also self-done, he did it because Technus shot at him with an ectoblast and it missed hitting him, but set his hair on fire. Danny got it out pretty quickly, but it left his hair lopsided and obviously looking like it got burned by something. He went to Sam for help after the fight. He liked the way it looks so he's kept it that way since.

-

Vlad brought up Jason once(1) in a taunt during a fight, and this was after Jason disappeared from the ghost zone, and Danny very. very nearly killed him on the spot. He hasn't done it since.

Which leads into the other thing: Grief Triggers! As I call them. All Banshees have them in this au.

While all banshees are, in general, in a permanent state of grief, Grief Triggers are a specific emotional response that can cause them to spiral into a state of intense, sometimes debilitating sorrow, and most of the time causes them to start wailing.

Banshees know what their Grief Triggers are and in general tend to try and build up a form of resistance against it so that, if something occurs that happens to trigger said grief, they can at least either get away from other ghosts to let loose or have enough control over themselves that it'll take more work to send them spiraling.

As expected, Jason is Danny's grief trigger. He's built up a pretty good resistance to it so that hey, talking about him and his death is easier than when Danny was fourteen. But a little more prodding and it will trigger, especially depending on who brings him up and how. (See: Vlad)

Grief Triggers also manifest relatively the same; with the induction of an intense state of grief and sorrow, but how a banshee acts on it can sometimes vary. Again, it depends on who triggers it and how. Some of them can get,,, violent, depending on how it happens.

Rath, this au's 'Dan', is a case of a banshee being put into the grief state caused by grief triggers and... never really leaving it. Which they usually do on their own, or with help depending on the severity of it.

At the time it happened Danny was going through the worst week of his life a second time: his best friend's ghost disappeared, then his family and friends all died right in front of him, and then he was stuck with someone who wasn't helping him through that grief.

He was already in the grieving state when Vlad tore out his ghost half. As a result, Vlad only made it worse. With that fury thrown into the mix, Vlad ended up getting torn apart and nobody else was close enough with nor could they get close enough to Rath to help him come down from the wailing state.

So Rath ended up getting stuck in a perpetual negative feedback loop of absolute misery, and well... drove himself insane. The rest of the world became collateral as a result.

-

the difference between Danny and Jason lies in the fact that Jason died, while Danny is dead.

-

I'm having more thoughts on the CFAU/TMWS universe banshees, actually.

Banshees are either born in the ghost zone from ectoplasm and are ecto-entities and work as banshees as how we know of them, or they're human spirits that died mourning someone and that grief was so intense that it turned them into a banshee. They're a little more rare.

These banshees typically mourn only one person, or sometimes they follow their Realm-born counterparts and choose a family to mourn for. Typically their own.

Ember is not a banshee; human spirit banshees are always mourning another person. However, her abilities emulate certain qualities of banshees: like the beautiful singing. But in comparison to an actual banshee, Ember's voice pales.

Does this mean Danny has the better singing voice? Yeah. Ember is incensed by this.

-

If canon Danny and CFAU/TMWS Danny met, I think canon Danny would be kinda unsettled or off put by CFAU.

CFAU Danny still has some pretty core Danny traits, at least I like to think so -- his general drive to help people just out of compassion for them (even if it manifests differently at first due to trauma), his wit and humor, his fear of failing to protect his loved ones, all of those resonate with canon Danny.

However, canon Danny, as far as I can remember and as far as his wiki goes, rarely gets extremely angry or emotional. He gets irritated and he gets annoyed but him getting mad I don't think happens super often. CFAU Danny is the angrier one between Jason and Danny. It's one of the things I consider a division point between him and canon Danny as it's a result of him growing up in Crime Alley. Canon Danny is canonically shy and meek prior to becoming Phantom, CFAU Danny couldn't be -- he'd be dead already.

CFAU Danny's anger would off put canon Danny, in my opinion. His anger, his smoking, and for lack of a better term, his bloodlust would unsettle him.

Like, for example, say CFAU Danny gets transported to a canon (or canon-adjacent) Danny's universe. He's staying with canon for a little bit as they brainstorm how to get him back home, and CFAU Danny goes to school with canon if only so that he's not stuck in the house all day.

Whether they try and pass CFAU Danny off as canon's cousin or if the town already knows that he's another version of Danny, it doesn't matter. Because insert Dash.

Dash who, in CFAU Danny's world, has since learned not to fuck around with Danny or the other kids because Danny has long since asserted that he will beat his ass if he does. 'Fucking around' always predates the 'finding out', and Danny is happy to act as consequence.

(As my father told me (paraphrased) when I was a small child and full of uncontrollable anger: "there's gonna be a day where you're gonna hit someone, and they're gonna hit you back")

And canon Dash, who is used to canon Danny who kinda just takes it because it means that he won't target other people, would see CFAU Danny. He'd notice the resemblance between him and canon, immediately try and go "oh new target!", and try and bully him the same way he does to canon. And Danny "I am the consequences of your actions" CFAU Fenton, instantly throws hands.

Just, CFAU Danny is kind but he's also Gotham-raised and full of bite; he's meaner than canon is. He's more ruthless too, especially in his ghost fights. The ease of which he slips into violence would, imo, discomfort canon. CFAU and Canon would eventually get along though, they're not so different that they'd be in constant clash of each other.

(Canon Danny and Danyal Al Ghul however,,, thats another post LMAO)

[leahrintarou]

🎃 AKAASHI KEIJI - BREEDING

Warnings: they're in love lol, breeding kink, akaashi wants a baby, usage of the pet name "sweetheart & pretty", unprotected sex, he finishes inside bc duh, soft akaashi, fingering, fem reader, afab reader.

Word Count: 3.2k

"Something came up so you're going to spend the day with n/n and keiji, okay?" Bokuto said to the small girl, standing at the door of y/n and akaashi's shared home. She nodded as he gave her a quick peck to her forehead before standing up from his crouching position. She flashed her father a quick grin, running off into the cozy home, not sparing neither bokuto, akaashi, or y/n another glance. "call me if you need anything." bokuto said, voice in a hurry as he began to take quicksteps backwards, waving off his two best friends.

"of course!" y/n raised her voice a bit due to their furthering distance. the grey haired figure entered his car and as soon as he drove out of their driveway, y/n closed the door, locking it before pivoting on her heels to face her one and only akaashi keiji. "where'd she go?" y/n questioned, smile faltering as she looked over his shoulder and into the living room and the small child wasn’t in her field of vision.

Akaashi let out a chuckle when y/n's eyes filled with worry. She hurriedly ran into the living room to scope out the area more efficiently and there she was, hiding under the coffee table as she watched the tv in which displayed her favorite show. She let out a sigh, closing her eyes in content as she placed a palm over her fast pacing heart. A yelp soon followed after when akaashi's voice fanned over the shell of y/n's ear. "it's funny seeing that you already have motherly instincts, yet you aren't even one yourself."

"not yet at least.." His voice trailed when he walked away to take a seat on the nearby sofa. "yet?" y/n quirked an eyebrow, finding her own seat on the floor as bokuto's daughter emerged from her confined hiding spot. When y/n didn't hear an audible answer from her husband, she took a glance up at him and was met with a small smile from his features. it wasn’t his intention (most of the time at least) but, akaashi's smiles will always let him get his way.

It always has and y/n despised it. She fell for it each time and whether akaashi knew what wonders it worked for himself or not, he couldn’t help but keep the expression when after many denying and no's, y/n would give in. Right now was one of those incidents and to prevent her vulnerability, she looked away and decided to indulge in the little girl's activity of building with the container of legos that were stored underneath the coffee table.

It was a limited addition set that akaashi had gotten from his work a while back and the two had yet to build it, so y/n took this as her chance to switch her focus onto something else. Anything at all.

"keiji, you come help too!" The girl said with a cheerful tone. He gave her a small smiled, standing from the couch to take a seat in front of the two. "you need my help?" He exaggerated, placing a palm over his chest to present his true appreciation. "mhm! The more help I get, the easier It'll be to complete". She handed y/n a few lego pieces, a small frown her lips as she couldn't figure out the correct way to put them together. Akaashi admired how gentle y/n was with her.

Down to her actions and voice, she had the most careful motives as if the girl were a snowflake and y/n was a flame who's heat could melt her within a second. With her kindness however, the flame cooled and as y/n held the girls hands within her own to aid her in piecing two legos together. akaashi was snapped out of his daze from their shared laugh. "good job, sweetheart.". With a pout, she looked away embarrassed from the attention and affection.

A future came to akaashi's head, blinding his field of vision with its presence of y/n and their own child. He thought it was impossible to be even more happy with the thought of y/n in his future, but when the thought of another member of their family came to mind, it was all he could think of. y/n carrying their little creation and raising he or she with as much love as they could endure. It was a new dream of his and for some reason, he wanted it more than anything else.

"keiji! Stop spacing out, you need to get to work!" She groaned, handing him a few pieces form the set. Akaashi glanced at y/n who was already looking at him with a smile on her lips and he felt his heartrate skyrocket just a bit as well has the fluttering sensation in his gut.

"sorry, sorry. I'll get to work your highness" he laughed, giving a gentle flick against the girls forehead. "you better" with furrowed eyebrows, she got back to her own work while akaashi and y/n chuckled at the sight before them.

----------

"thank you guy's so much, I'm in your debt!" Bokuto smiled as he waved off the two, his daughter walking by his side and to his car. y/n closed the door around, letting out a sigh as she snaked her arms around akaashi's waist. "kids are really tiring, keiji." she yawned into his chest as she pulled him closer. "let's go rest up for the night then". He placed a chaste kiss to her forehead as they sluggishly made their way upstairs and into their bedroom.

y/n got into bed and after discarding his hoodie and sweatpants, akaashi soon followed in. "do you alwaysss have to sleep half nude?" y/n laughed, poking at his chest as she turned her body to face him. "It's comfier. You should try it sometime" he teased, reaching up to hold her fidgeting hand. "in your dreams" she scoffed, forcing back a yawn when she rubbed the fatigue from her eyes.

"hey, last time I checked, most of my dreams always come true" akaashi looked into y/n's eyes as she sat up to shift her positioning. He admired everything about her but was a bit caught off-guard when she straddled his waist, hovering her face over his own before pressing a kiss to his lips. "and what dreams are those?" Her voice was soft and akaashi remembered the memory of earlier that day. "like the one where I finally confessed to you on our graduation day," he started.

"oh and the one where I proposed to you and you said yes."

He noticed how y/n's breath hitched and he couldn’t help but smile. "funny how we both had the same dreams." she laughed, turning her head to lay against akaashi's bare chest. "mhm" his hand made its way under her t-shirt as he found comfort in caressing the soft skin of her back. "I also have one more dream that I hope we share the wished off too."

Y/n hummed against his chest, curiosity enveloping her frame when she heard the beats of his heart begin to quicken. "I want us to start a family" he finally said. y/n's breath hitched again and she raised her head to see if her husband was joking or not. When he saw the serious look on his face that was mixed with anticipation for her reply, suddenly everything felt so real.

"are you sure, keiji?" She questioned, voice still soft. Akaashi blinked a few times when he didn’t hear an immediate 'no'. Was y/n actually contemplating this idea of his? "of course I am. I feel like it’s the right time. I got a promotion at my job recently and your business has been going great. We finally have a home too. If push comes to shove, we can always convert that spare room into a nursery if-"

y/n leaned down to place a firm and long lasting kiss against his lips, abruptly stopping his rambling. He tend to do that when he was nervous or excited and right now, y/n could tell that he was both. "do you think I could be a good mother?" Akaashi was expecting anything but that from her, causing him to freeze up. None the less, he quickly recovered, forcing himself to speak.

"of course you can, sweetheart."

He thought the answer was obvious from the start so when y/n's eyes widened from his words, he couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "you don’t believe me, do you?" He asked, reaching a hand up to cup her cheek. There was a small pout on her lips and akaashi leaned up to place his lips against her own once again. Y/n leaned into the action of affection and so did akaashi. There was no possible way that they could physically be any closer, yet they still tried. Pressing their bodies against one another as their mouths spoke words without a voice.

Akaashi pulled away with a pant, chest heavying with his next words. "I'll prove it to you if you don't believe me. How does that sound?" He asked. When y/n smiled with a nod, akaashi was filled with every possible feeling of joy. He pulled her back into a kiss, this time their tongues making contact with the other, tasting the aftermath of their shared promise of their newly planned future. y/n let out a small moan as akaashi's hips lifted to meet with her heated core.

His rush of emotion wasn't containable at this point so when he felt himself growing hard underneath y/n's body, he knew that from this point on, he had a goal and he would achieve that goal on this very night. Reaching a hand into y/n's bottoms, she flinched at the feeling of the cold pads of his digits against her sensitive bud. A whimper reverberated in her throat before a moan followed after and fell onto akaashi's lips as he applied pressure to the area.

she drew in a sharp breath when each lap of circular motions brought an intensifying level of pleasure to course through her body. "k-keiji, fuck-" she choked out, pulling away from the kiss and burying her face in the crook of akaashi's neck instead. "relax, sweetheart. There's no rush tonight." he reassured, urging her to lift her head. She did so with a bit of commitment and when they caught each other's gaze, either of their hearts felt as if it skipped a few beats.

Akaashi held eye contact with y/n as he reached down further into her bottoms, fingers now gently placed at her entrance. Slowly inserting two of his digits y/n let out a moan, breath fanning against akaashi's cheek when her entire body shivered at once. "good job, sweetheart." He smiled gently. "just like that." y/n was practically welcoming him in as his fingers slipped past her entrance with such ease. Akaashi twitched within his briefs and he let out a shaky breath when y/n began to grind down against his palm, trying to get some kind of friction against her bud.

"want more of you, keiji."

Akaashi knew what she was getting at whether she said it or not since now, she leaned down for his lips once more. He didn’t even get a chance to catch his breath before she'd already latched her lips onto his own. It was as if the air in each other's lungs were their only source of oxygen in which they relied on to keep breathing. With a muffled groan, akaashi gently bit y/n's bottom lip, breaking away their kiss for a small second as he took in a breath of air.

"cum for me and you can get what you really want, okay?"

y/n eagerly nodded, pressing herself against akaashi's palm as she moaned from the friction against her bud. His digits were long and reached places that made y/n feel like she was on cloud nine. He sped up the motions of his hand as y/n whimpered next to his ear. Letting out small phrases of encouragement, akaashi finally began to feel the ache settling in his growing erection. "m close, keiji" she warned, sighing when he hummed. Y/n felt the vibration of his chest against her own as her coil finally snapped.

She clenched around his digits as his fingers slowed in motion and so did her hips. She panted relentlessly and akaashi decided to give her a bit of time to recollect herself. Using both of her arms to place her palms firmly against akasshi's chest. She lifted herself up as he slid his hand out from her bottoms. y/n made quick movements of her own to remove his restraining briefs and akaashi wasted no excessive time to grasp his own member, using y/n's arousal to coat the entirety of himself.

He let out a soft moan, eye's drooping as he looked up at y/ns' features in which was admiring his current actions as he pumped himself within a tight fist. "take these off. They're gonna get in the way." he used his freehand, hooking the waistband of her bottoms before it returned to its position with a 'snap'. y/n lifted herself from his lap, desire fueling her to move as efficiently as possible. "hey-" She frowned when akaashi continued to let out streams of moans from the pleasured contact engulfing his member.

He noticed this, reluctantly letting go of himself and placing his hands on either sides of her hips instead as she straddled him. "okay, okay. You make me feel good then." He smiled. "wanna feel you inside me" she mumbled, reaching for his member with a brittle touch. "all of you and everything".

"seems like you've been wanting me to put a baby in you for a while now, sweetheart."

"please, keiji."

"anything for you, pretty." Gently lifting her hips, akaashi aided y/n as the tip of his member prodded at her entrance before she slowly allowed herself to slide down the entirety of his length. The both of them let out a moan in unison as their pleasure finally skyrocketed. akaashi held a firm grip on her waist to hold y/n in place since he knew that if he or she were to move right now, he'd probably come undone in a matter of a milliseconds. he noticed how y/n's nails left crescent shaped indentions along the area of his chest and when her body mindlessly clenched down around his member, she let out a whine.

he drew in a hissed breath before urging y/n that she could move. letting out a sigh, she slowly lift her hips before allowing them to drop once again. akashi tried to hold back a drawn out moan, a whimper coming out instead. it was insane to him how even after years of being together with y/n, he had yet to become 'used' to her body. the way she would take every part of him whether it was he who wanted it or she herself. he figured that y/n knew this too since every time she'd ask for anything, he's always jump to his feet (or knees) in seconds just to pleasure her however she wished.

her moans continued to grow and it sounded like music to his ears. he forced himself to hold back his own noises of pleasure, careful to not drown out the ones of y/n's. he wanted to hear her. despite her riding him, just her sounds alone took a big part of him feeling pleasure. "you're always so good for me" he said through a whisper as y/n leaned down to place affectionate and sloppy kisses against his neck. hues of purples rose to the surface of his ivory skin as y/n continued with her lustful actions.

in her current position, she felt all the more needier to use Keiji's body for any sort of pleasure that she could get, causing her to slightly grind herself down against his lower abdomen, eager to get some kind of attention to her bud. akaashi couldn't hold back a moan when his member reached a deeper depth withing her core. he could crumble to pieces right there and then if he didn't focus. "feel good, pretty?" he questioned through a pant. she moaned a small "mhm" against his neck and he tapped at the small of her back so she'd lift her head to face him.

in all honesty, akaashi just wanted to see her face and admire every unique detail of her features, but when he was met with a small whine from her feeble becoming state, his eyebrows contorted in worry. "what's wrong?" he asked as her hips slowed against him. she let out a whine at the lost pleasure and akaashi put two and two together. "shh. it's okay, sweetheart. i got you," he smiled, making swift movements to turn y/n onto her back as he now hovered over her. "I'll take care of the rest and you just lay here and relax, okay?"

she nodded, lower body jerking up to meet with akaashi's fast pacing hips. he used his free hand to wrap underneath her lower back, pulling her up a bit closer to himself while his other hand began to toy with her now sensitive bud. she was needy and lust coursed through her veins as if it were blood itself. she was almost embarrassed by the sound of her arousal coating akaashi's member as he moved in and out of her core. his hand quickened against her bud as her eye's pricked with tears from pleasure.

maybe it was their exhaustion, maybe it was their current position, or maybe it was their motive, but y/n and akaashi felt as if this moment was the peak of their beings. y/n let out a strained moan and akaashi knew her well enough to notice that she was finally approaching her end. clenching down on akaashi to feel every detail of him, she called his name with a broken voice and he understood the breathless warning.

she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer against her body as her near was finally approaching. akaashi placed a kiss to her parted lips as she finally allowed herself to come undone. the way she clenched down on akaashi in fragments of seconds caused him to also approach his high. he called her name with a groan as it also drifted to a quiet whisper. he finally let go and released into the warmth of y/n's sex and she moaned from the sensation. akaashi felt a feeling of accomplishment as he hovered above y/n, not daring to move when he knew that he wanted to keep every drop of his arousal within her.

he eased himself to lay on his side before pulling y/n closer to his chest. she let out a small whimper after feeling him twitch inside of her already sensitive sex. "wanna stay like this for a little." he said quietly, placing a kiss to her temple and then another to her forehead. y/n looked up at him before a smile etched onto her lips.

"do you think we're doing the right thing?"

"anything that involves you will always be right, sweetheart."

i got carried away while writing, BUT I LOVE THIS MAN LMAO

i hope you enjoyed reading this, though. Notes and reblogs are greatly appreciated! <3

[unseededtoast]

Turtle Doves | Joel Miller

Part Twenty Four

Chapter Directory

Series Summary: In which two broken souls connect so deeply, that if one should perish, the other would surely die of a broken heart. (slow burn, timeline changes. After TLOU1, before TLOU2, assumed knowledge of infected, uses elements from both show and game)

Series Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, death, and sexual content.

Also cross posted on my Wattpad and AO3, if you prefer those formats. Here is a link to my masterlist for everything else I’ve posted.

I don't know if there's a way out of this one.

Cold wind whips around the corners of buildings right into our faces. Squinting from the harshness, I keep my sights high to try and spot any scouts. For a city that should be bustling with people belonging to this group, it's too empty. Something about this just doesn't sit right with me.

Up ahead is the first outpost building. The windows on upper floors have been busted out and I can see a sniper stand at the edge of the window. But there's nobody there.

"Joel, this doesn't feel right." My eyes are plastered on the empty outpost.

"Stay close." Is all he says before he takes the lead and enters the building. A strange tightness pulls at my chest as I follow along up the stairs.

We check each floor as we pass by and find supplies here and there but there are no people. Even this early in the morning there should be people stationed here.

Eventually we make our way up to the outpost and the sniper stand is still where I saw it. Beside it are two lawn chairs and an empty bottle. I look around, having a pretty good idea of how this group operates, for a ledger of some sort. These people love leaving behind notes and paper trails, so why wouldn't they keep one at their outposts?

While I look around, Joel peers out into the city. Our eagle-eye view is to our advantage right now and I hope he can see something, or someone, that will point us in the right direction.

I quickly find out that there's nothing worth keeping at this outpost, nor is there anything helpful. Not even a sign-in ledger. All that's left are empty sleeping bags and old wrappers. I join Joel in looking over the city, hoping to see anything helpful.

"Over there." Joel's voice is solemn and he point out into the distance. Squinting, I can see the smoke trail up into the air.

"You think they're all there?" I ask, squinting harder to try and see more but to no avail.

"Most of 'em at least. That's a big fire." Joel says and takes a step back.

"Why would they all be over there at the same time?" I ask, still feeling uneasy. Joel adjusts his bag on his shoulders.

"What's the one thing we know these men enjoy?" He asks, meeting my eyes. I wrack my brain, trying to nail down the one thing that unites this group.

I think of the letters and notes we found and the photos of gore they carelessly left behind. Their quotes of justice linger in the back of my mind and I think the answer has always been right in front of me.

"Killing." My answer is simple, but I know it's the right one. Joel nods and looks back out.

"Now we just have to be smart about this. We can't go in there while they're all there. We need to find somewhere to lay low until they all disperse." I can tell from the shift in his tone and his body language that he's in survival mode now. There's something almost predatory and dangerous in his eyes.

Joel leads us out of the outpost building into another one that's nearby. He chose this one in particular because there's only one way in and out, and there's only one window. We agree to lay low until the sun begins going down, where it'll be easier for us to lurk in the shadows.

Unfortunately, the evening comes much sooner than I am ready for. The sky has turned amber orange and with it, it seems the group has returned to their regular schedule. Joel and I saw two men enter the outpost building a while ago and they're our first targets. We agreed that we shouldn't just kill them right off the bat, they might have valuable information for us. And so, as we head out of our hiding spot, I ready my mind for what I know I must do. I do not take pride in torturing and killing people, but considering what these people have done, it becomes easier to digest.

I follow Joel's lead into the building and we quietly climb the stairs. My curved blade fits comfortably in my hands, and the stillness I'm holding it with masks my nerves well. We reach the door that will open up to the outpost and Joel stops just before opening it. He turns around to face me and we look into each other's eyes with a silent intensity. I nod to him, showing him I'm ready, and he nods sternly. He opens the door quickly, earning the attention of the outpost workers.

They're caught off guard and they scramble to reach for their guns as Joel lifts his rifle.

"Don't." Joel's voice is deep and authoritative. I take a step closer and see that both men in front of us have the letter 'T' carved into their necks. We've definitely found the right people.

But I don't study them for long, I'm quick to move and carry out the plan we meticulously thought out earlier in the day. I take one of the chairs and drag it across the room while Joel orders the men into them at gunpoint. My job is to keep an eye on the one who sits in front of me.

The man stalks towards me, a dangerous glint in his eye. He's sizing me up, probably weighing the benefits of trying to overtake me. But before he can act on his thoughts, my fingers find my gun in its holster and I raise it towards him, my knife still secure in my other hand. The man sits in the chair with faux confidence and spreads his legs as if we're about to have a casual conversation. Behind me, I can hear Joel questioning the other man.

The plan is simple, Joel questions one man about where the other outposts are and points them out on a map. Then, he questions the second one to see if their answers align. If they do, they earn a swift death. If not, they get questioned again, but under harsher circumstances, then they die a more painful death. I had never participated in something like this before, but I have a feeling Joel has, as he ran me through the details with a practiced tongue.

In front of me, the man tries to peer around my body to see what's happening to his friend. From what I can hear, the man is being uncooperative and Joel is simply trying to get him to cooperate. But the man keeps his cool composure and sits back in his seat as I step into his line of vision. He licks his lips and his eyes run over me, like a wild animal who hasn't eaten in days.

When I'm confident he won't try to make a move, I grab the cord from my bag and tie the man to the chair. His feet get tied together and his arms get secured to the armrests. The close proximity to the man makes me want to get sick, but I mask my true feelings well and wear an expression of pure confidence.

"You let me get out of here and I'll make sure you're taken care of." His voice is quiet, his words laced with false promises. I shift my stance and look into the man's eyes so that he can see how serious I am.

"You're not getting out of here alive, there's nothing you can do, or say, that will change your fate." I almost don't recognize my own voice as the words come out of my mouth. However, my words only make the man smile a twisted, sickening grin.

"We like 'em with a little bit of fight around here. Makes it all more fun." He chuckles and it makes my blood boil.

I'm forced to think of the boy in the alley and the sisters who were left mangled back in Boston. Did their murderers enjoy how they fought back? Did the murderers take joy in overpowering those children? My vision goes dark around the corners, and before I can think through what I'm doing, my body moves on its own accord. The man screams out in pain as my blade enters his thigh. He grits his teeth together and seethes in anger.

I grab the handle of my blade firmly and yank it out of the man's leg, causing him to yell out in pain again. Dark red soaks his pant leg quickly and I drag the blade covered in his blood across his cheekbone slowly. His chest heaves with each breath he takes and I make sure he can see me clearly.

"And I like it when they scream, makes it all more fun." I feel the corner of my mouth tilt up in a smirk and I step back from the man. He glares at me and spits at my feet. I'll let it slide, just this once.

"Who even are you?" He asks, trying to keep any sense of composure.

"We're here to right some wrongs." Is all I tell him. I can tell that my answer only makes him more angry.

The man behind us yells out in pain again and I can see the man in front of me lick his lips. His eyes begin darting around, trying to see a glimpse of his partner. I hear Joel threaten the man and a few seconds later, Joel joins my side. I glance down at his hands and see that his knuckles are bloody, but I can't tell if it's his blood or not.

"He try anything?" Joel's gruff voice asks me as he sizes up the bleeding man in front of us.

"Nothing that I couldn't handle." I say and raise my blade to show Joel. He only nods simply before telling me to go watch the other man.

The man who Joel just got done with has seen better days. His face is beginning to swell, his skin starting to bruise. Blood drips from his mouth and his head hangs low as he tries to catch his breath. Hearing my footsteps, he looks up at me briefly.

Joel wastes no time in questioning the other man and from the sounds, the man is putting up quite the resistance. However, he must give in quickly because Joel calls my name within a few minutes. We meet in the middle and Joel's voice is low as he explains what he learned.

"Their answers matched, they've got this whole city on lock. Replacements change shifts every hour, we won't have much time." He says and I nod.

"Then we go in and out. Search for what we can." I say with a nod and look at the tied up man behind Joel.

"We have to be very careful. Don't leave my side, do you understand?" Joel asks with a grave tone. My attention is drawn back to his face and I nod.

"I understand." I tell him.

"Good, let's get going." He says before walking to one of the men. I go to the other and raise my blade to his neck. The man begs me to let him go, but his pleas fall on deaf ears. Without much guilt, my blade slices cleanly through the man's jugular.

Joel and I go back down to the street and make our way to the next outpost. My heartbeat echoes in my ears as we sneak behind the two men on watch. They're talking about the meeting they all just attended, where three of their own members were hanged for stealing supplies. Unfortunately for them, their conversation is cut short by Joel and I. With efficiency, we take them down and are out of the building before the blood can drain from their bodies.

I check their bodies before we move on, but find nothing of value to us on them. All I see is the branding of their group embedded in their skin.

We go to the next outpost and I follow Joel as he rounds the corner. There are three men on watch, and one of them sees us before we can take them all out quietly. Before the man in front of me can turn around, I lunge forward and wrap my arm around his neck and dig my blade into his skin. The others cease movement and try to talk me down. Beside me, Joel reaches for his handgun.

"Don't even think about it." Joel tells one of the men who makes a move for his own gun. A few tense moments pass before Joel pulls the trigger, downing two of them while I kill the third.

We quickly go through their belongings, knowing the shots will have likely tipped someone off to our presence. My hands shake with adrenaline as I rummage their pockets, and both Joel and I come up empty handed once again.

"Come on we gotta go." Joel grabs my upper arm and tugs me out of the building. By now, the sun has faded behind the horizon, leaving us in the dark. Which is great for stealth, but a better advantage for people hunting us down.

In the distance I hear people running, and I'm willing to bet they're closing in on us. Before we can find out, Joel pulls me into a smaller building and we duck down. We catch our breaths and my mind races to come up with a quick plan. If we can escape a horde of infected we can escape this, I'm just not sure how.

"Shit. I shouldn't have done that." Joel angrily says.

"Hey, it doesn't matter, we just have to find a way forward." I say, trying to keep myself from panicking. Joel nods and his jaw sets firmly.

"The plan doesn't change. We just have to be cautious." He states and I don't argue with him. It's not like we have the time to debate and plan anything else right now.

The two of us stay hunkered down in this building for what feels like an hour. We stay until we don't hear any commotion outside, and then we get back to our plan. The streets have returned to their normal quietness and I feel confident that we can still pull this off.

With heightened caution, Joel and I take down two more outposts, and are now close to the center of the city. The smell of smoke still lingers in the air from the group's earlier meeting. I know that being in the center of their city is likely going to mean more people in a smaller area, but I know we can still do this if we're smart.

I follow Joel into another building and begin scoping out where the people are. I see what looks like a sleeping area, littered with old sleeping bags, but no people. Joel turns the corner and before I can react, someone is grabbing me from behind. I struggle to get out of the person's grasp, but their hold is too strong.

"Joel!" I yell out and try to throw my elbow into my captor's face, but to no avail. Instead, I'm met with deep laughter. My blood runs cold in my veins as I quickly come to terms that I've been taken by one of these men.

Joel doesn't come back from around the corner to save me.

My body fights back violently against the man's grasp but he's far too strong for me to overtake. His arms feel like they're crushing my ribs as he takes me out of this building. Outside, there's a small group of men staring me down. Some make comments about how they're going to have so much fun, the others celebrate that I've been caught. The men reach out and touch me as my captor leads me through them.

My mind races too quickly for me to focus on one singular thought. I wonder where Joel is and what happened to him. I wonder where I'm being taken and what's going to happen to me. My chest hurts with each strained breath I take. The sound of the men gets drowned out by a ringing in my ears.

My captor opens a door with his foot and I look around, seeing another group of men who look like they've been waiting for me. I get slammed down onto a metal table and get stripped of my bag and weapons. I fight back and reach one last time for one of my knives, but one of the men pushes my shoulders forcefully back. Dark spots cloud my vision as I try to catch my breath.

I'm restrained to the table, each limb tied down with what feels like zip ties. There's nothing I can do to fight back anymore, I am at their will. Fighting down the bile that rises in my throat and the tears that threaten to spill down my cheeks, I try to mask just how scared I am.

How did this go so wrong so quickly?

Am I going to die here on this table?

Did Joel get out? Is he going to come back for me?

Joel.

All thoughts cease except for the ones about Joel. I can only hope he made it out of there unscathed, and I hope he keeps his promise to me. I hope he doesn't come back and instead leaves and goes back to his family. My lower lip trembles as I think about him leaving this city and returning to his family. While I might not make it out of here, I surely hope he did.

A single tear falls from the corner of my eye and down my cheek as I come to terms with the fact I may never see Joel again. I might never be able to look into his warm, chocolate eyes again or wake up to his masculine scent, the one that makes me feel secure. Our time together may have ended, just like that, in the blink of an eye.

My chest aches from the loss of Joel, it feels like my heart itself is being constricted and suffocated. After everything we went through, this is how it ends?

It seems this also may be just another unfortunate fact of life.

My thoughts are cut short as a man leans over me, his greedy eyes taking in every detail of my body. I want to scream at him and spit in his face, but know that if I want to even have the smallest chance for an escape, I can't act on my rage.

"So you're the one who's been killing off my men." He starts and rubs his beard as if he's deep in thought. I stay silent, opting to bite the insides of my cheeks instead of saying anything.

"You will be judged for your crimes soon and sentenced to a fair punishment decided upon by my fellow Tribunals." The man speaks calmly, as if we're talking about the weather.

"In the meantime, you'll be kept here. Get comfortable, sweetheart." He says and orders the other men out of the room.

As they exit, the door gets shut, leaving me in total darkness. When I'm sure they're gone, I try to tug on my restraints to see if one is just loose enough for me to slip out of, but unfortunately they're all secured tightly.

I don't know if there's a way out of this one.

Part Twenty Five

[hold-him-down]

☺️ - Soft words of reassurance for Leo

“You’re doing good,” Dante says flatly, semi-awkward in the way he rubs circles on Leo’s back. Leo, on his hands and knees, presses his forehead into the linoleum and closes his eyes. The directive to ‘keep him alive for ten fucking minutes,’ had been spat at Dante as they were both shoved into one of the smaller rooms in the basement, which, Dante thought, was a little bit ironic considering he was the one who had pulverized Leo just five minutes earlier.

Leo gags again, and Dante closes his eyes. The red that covers the floor makes him a little queasy himself, in spite of how many times he's been in this exact position. He leans back on his heels next to Leo and pats his head once before running his fingers through his matted hair. He sees why Petrov likes him. There's an innocence to him that runs in direct opposition to his absolute refusal to do as Petrov tells him.

“There you go,” Dante says again as Leo retches. “I think it’s best if you let it out.” 

Leo nods and collapses onto his side. He seems to be breathing okay, which is nothing short of a miracle, but Dante felt the distinct crunch of ribs earlier in the evening following a particularly poorly-aimed blow. To his credit, he thought Leo would move, even if only slightly, to dodge his fist.

He didn’t, though. And now they’ll both be in trouble for it. 

Dante finds a spot of clean tile and sits, resting his arms on his knees as he regards Leo. The newest worker on Petrov's preferred roster is two months in, and to his knowledge, Leo has not landed a single hit in a fight. Petrov has his odds now at 33/1, which is as bad as they can be, and still, every night, he bets on him. 

Petrov thinks he’ll break him eventually, and is ready to recoup his losses when it happens. Looking at Leo now, ghost pale and, minimally, out of the fights for at least a week, Dante isn’t so sure.

“You gotta try harder,” Dante whispers to him. Leo’s eyes are closed, but he’s breathing. He swallows, and even that looks painful. He feels an inkling of regret toward how hard he fought that evening when Leo opens his eyes, unfocused and devoid of all any recognition at all. But he swallows that back, because regret is useless in a place like this. There is only survival, and in spite of how little Leo appears to value it, Dante intends to make it out of this contract, and one day, out of this fucking country. It's the only thing that matters to him, but, he thinks, that doesn't mean he needs to leave a line of casualties in his wake. "Try harder next time," Dante whispers. "It'll be so much easier if you do."

[miniherodesktales]

Day 5: Religion/Happy Cloisterday

The Cat was confused and desperately trying not to show it. Things were moving at a fast pace. He had tried asking but even that was too much. He needed a more an answer that was more "general".

'What's happening? You know like in general.'

Kryten continued tapping at the computer keyboard. 'I've already told you!'

'Hey! Sherlock Hoomes always needed to hear the tale more than once and so do I!' He chewed on the stem of the pipe he had found in Yvonne McGruder's quarters and claimed as his own. 'From the beginning, then!'

Kryten finally turned around to face him.

'Well, Misters Lister and Rimmer are in terrible danger!'

Cat nodded. 'I'm listening.'

'We were all split up while scavenging on the Ball Of Yarn. And things were fine for a few weeks, but we began to notice that they were acting strangely. We've figured out that while they were missing for those two hours on the Yarn, Mr Lister was implemented with a mind control chip and Mr Rimmer has had his Light Bee hacked.'

'Fascinating. By whom?'

'The Cats O' Nine, sir! The Cats O' Nine!' Kryten was becoming impatient again and began to speak more quickly. 'A secret death cult started by one of your ancestors many years ago! They see Lister as their god, representing Life, Love, and all that is good in people; while Mr Rimmer represents Reaper the god of death and the opposite of all that is good. In a few hours it'll be Closistersday, the day when your people celebrate Clositer being frozen in time.'

'I know that much, bud. I actually went to kitty school.'

Kryten ignored the jibe.

'They're forcing Mr Lister and Mr Rimmer to ritualistically fight to the death out there. They intend to destroy each other at midnight in order that the cycle of life and death may continue. They began hunting each other all over the Dwarf with my best kitchen utensils.' He wrung his hands together. 'Oh I dread to think what Mr Rimmer plans to do to Mr Lister with my best egg whisk!'

'And then what happened?'

Kryten shuffled his fee. 'We've reached the present, sir. They're still chasing each other right now. But come midnight -'

Cat leaped to his feet. 'Detective Cat is on the case. Don't you worry, sir, I'll bring your Lister back safe and sound.'

'And Mr Rimmer?'

'Let's just stay positive, OK? I'll go after them and get that chip out of Lister. But I need you to get to Holographic Suite. Shut Rimmer down. You may need to do some kind of hacking.'

'That's what I'm trying to do right now, you dolt! We're in the Holographic Suite, having this conversation. Now please let me get on!'

##

Their living quarters were completely wrecked. Furniture had been smashed, duvets and pillows torn to shreds, and their coffee mugs had been swatted off the tables. Disgusting. But at least it made things easier for Cat. All he had to do was follow the trail of destruction to find his crewmates.

He was hoping to find only Lister - no, Clositer - the most bevelont god out of the whole pantheon, but of course he was not that lucky.

Down in the hold he smelt Rimmer before he spotted him in the gloom, lounging on the roof of Starbug as he licked the back of his hands. Cat was quietly enraged to see that Rimmer had copied his style, but darn it the god of death, misfortune, and misery looked gooood in that emerald green zebra striped fur coat.

'Hey, bud, you doing ok?' he called up.

Rimmer flicked back his tangled hair. He smirked in amusement at Cat.

'Bud? I am Reaper!' Rimmer tipped back his head and screeched at the top of his lungs: 'YOOOWWWWELLL!' It echoed around the hold. Cat shuddered.

'You're not Reaper.'

Reaper slid down off Starbug, landing neatly on his feet. He sauntered towards Cat, hands held aloft.

'Am I not? On my forehead do I not bear the symbol of the gateway to the afterlife? Do I not carry the scythe in my hand?'

'No and no, bud! that's an egg whisk you're holding! And as for that -' he pointed at Rimmer's H. 'That stands for Arnold.'

Reaper ran a tongue over his lips. Cat caught sight of his fangs, ready to bite.

'No, matter,' said Reaper, evenly. 'I can still do terrible, terrible things to you, my friend. And after I've finished with you I shall fulfil my destiny with Clositer.'

With a snarl he grabbed Cat by the throat, lifting him high into the air. Claws sprang out of his fingers on his left hand.

'I know your real name, Cat,' he spat. 'I know your family line, I know your destiny, but I don't like it. I'd much rather you died and worshipped me,' he said with a growl.

'Reaper!' a voice bellowed from across the hold. 'Put him down!'

'Clositer...'Cat whimpered. 'You came to rescue me!'

Lister strode across the hold, plastic banana held aloft and ready to strike. As Cloister his outfit represented his humbleness - he simply opted for his dirtiest dressing gown, red boxer shorts, and a string of fresh donuts around his neck. He smelt good.

'Leave him alone, Reaper. He's not one of us. His mind is too puny to understand what is happening here today.'

'Hey!' Cat objected. 'I'm smart enough to be killed by Reaper!'

Reaper's pupils became slits. 'Silence, moron!' and threw Cat aside.

They circled each other, claws out, egg whisk and inflatable banana ready, prepared to strike. They eyed each in silence then leapt at one another. There was a struggle as they grasped at each other's necks and hair and whacked each other on the head with their weapons. The banana burst with a bang, and during the moment of confusion Reaper kicked Cloister's legs out from underneath him and held his claws close to Cloister's throat.

Cloister shook his head in despair. 'Reaper, whatever I have done to make you hate me, know that I am sorry.'

'Hate you?' Reaper hissed. 'Yes, I hate you, despise you! You the king of us all, claiming to have perfect love for all your people. You loved the others more than you ever loved me!'

'No, that's not true.'

'Admit it!'

'No!' Cloister wrenched his arms free. He jumped up and spun Reaper around, slammed him against the wall and pinning him there. Reaper struggled against his grip but couldn't break free.

'Listen, you fool!' Cloister snarled. 'I love the others as my brothers and sister, but not you.'

'I knew it,' Reaper laughed bitterly. 'Finally the great one confesses he is less than perfect.'

Cloister cupped Reaper's cheek. 'Oh, do be quiet and listen to my words for once in your life. I love you.'

He leaned forward and licked Reaper's cheek. Reaper's pupils became round again.

'My love for you is so much more than that. Reaper, you are my sweetest friend and true love. You are the moonlight to the sun. I cannot be without you, but fate has cast us in opposing roles. You know this. But, tonight, tonight only our hearts can become one.'

The egg whisk slipped from Reaper's fingers and fell to the floor. His eyes were bright with tears.

'Oh, Clositer!' he wept.

'Reaper!'

'Oooh, Clositer, I have waited many moons for this.'

'Oooh, Reaper!'

They hugged tightly.

'I want to play the String game with you for all eternity!'

'I'll leave dead mice in your slippers every day and tear up your bed sheets.'

'Marry me tonight.'

'Yes!'

They embraced once more.

'AAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEYYYYOOOOWLWLLL!' The Cat, grand master of poor timing and misunderstandings, slammed into Cloister, knocking him clean out of Reaper's arms. 'Stop fighting, buds!'

'No, Cloister.' Reaper tried to reach for his love, but he never made it. He was suddenly frozen in place, eyes and H flashing red. Error message.

Back in the Holographic Suite Kryten had successfully found the code to trigger Rimmer's emergency shut down and restart programme. He pressed the initiate button.

Rimmer' sank to the floor automatically placing himself in the recovery position. Every minute his eyes blinked with a green light as his Light Bee scanned for viruses and errors to fix. It was not impressed with the Reaper virus cluttering up Rimmer's mind and immediately set to work to destroy it. The Light Bee buzzed loudly as it worked overtime to put things right.

In the meantime the Cat had wasted no time in ripping the control chip out from the back of Lister's neck. Confused, Lister tried to swipe at Cat, coughed up a massive hairball (his own hair), and promptly passed out.

Cat looked around the hold. It was a mess. Rimmer was out cold and Lister was out cold.

'Perfect!' Cat cheered. 'Happy Cloisterday, everyone!'

##

'Can you believe it?' The Cat crowed for fifteenth time. 'If it weren't for me, Goalpost Head would've crushed your skull. And as for you, Bud, you would've succeeded in biting off his tongue. Where's my thank you present?'

Lister groaned and pulled the blanket more tightly around himself.

'Cat, I've got a smegging headache. And I've still got hair stuck my throat. Lay off, will you. I'm not in the mood.'

'Me neither,' Rimmer grumbled from the next bed. 'I licked Lister. No amount of mouthwash will ever purge the taste.' He screwed his fact up disgust. 'I cleaned last week's custard from his cheek. If I could vomit for all time I would.'

Lister sat bolt upright. 'You feel sick??? You attacked me with an egg whisk!'

Kyrten waved his hands for calm. 'You've both been through a terrible ordeal. If Cat and I had been a few minutes late then you would have surely murdered each other as part of the ritual.'

Lister and Rimmer looked at each other.

'Yes,' they said in unison.

'We'll leave you to rest,' Kryten said. 'Don't go killing each other!' He ushered Cat out of the room laughing loudly.

They lay in silence, then Rimmer asked in the darkness, 'So, we're married then?'

'Weren't we always, Arn?'

[techmomma]

Driving Tips

As I understand it, there's actually quite a few of you on here who either don't drive or are very new at driving, or are very scared of driving! So as someone who has been driving for 15 years, here are some tips from good ol' Steph in no particular order.

Put more space between you and the car ahead of you than you think you need. Especially on freeways/highways/motorways. I grew up with the rule of "for every ten mph, add another car space." So if I'm going 30mph, then I should have at LEAST 3 car's worth of space between me and the car in front of me. I don't know how that translates to kph but I'm sure there's something similar.

I extend this even to coming to a stop. I try to leave at least a car space even when stopping at intersections.

The reason for this, if you remember from driving school, is to be able to come to a safe stop for your vehicle. But did you know it's not just for you? It's ALSO for the people BEHIND you, who may still be up your ass. If you come to a sudden stop, they're going to ram right into your backside. The space to slow down gives them time to slow down too.

If you've never had to come to a hard stop, YOU NEED MORE SPACE THAN YOU THINK YOU DO TO COME TO A FULL STOP. YOUR CAR WILL JUST KEEP GOING IF YOU WERE GOING FAST ENOUGH.

See this bad boy? The little circular mirror?

If your side mirrors don't come with one of these, get one. They will let you check your blind spot without twisting around in your seat--meaning you're not taking your eyes off of the road ahead of you so you can see behind you! They're literally like $5 and you can get them almost everywhere from convenience stores to supermarkets to auto shops.

It also helps with parking!!

The more scared you are, the worse you are going to drive. Like yes, don't be lackadaisical, you're driving a machine that weighs several tons. But the more afraid you are, the more you're going to overreact and overcompensate when things go wrong and in a car, keeping a cool head is going to be one of your biggest strengths if something goes wrong. Panicking will make things worse. You need to take active steps to stay cool when driving.

One of the ways you can do that is trying to find things you do enjoy about driving. You're controlling a scientific marvel full of incredible math and physics at play! Find ways to turn driving into something you can enjoy and it'll get easier to keep a cool head in it, rather than focusing on the myriad of ways it can kill you.

A horse can kill you in a myriad of ways too. But so can a dedicated duck. Your car ain't special.

In the same vein, I approach cars kind of like riding horses: yes this thousand pound animal can kill me, but also if it moves wrong it will break all of its bones, so while I need to respect its power, I also need to remain calm and take charge, to keep both the horse and myself safe. Do it. Anthropomorphize your car.

Another way is learning how to take care of your car, yourself! There are countless youtube videos that can teach you how to change a tire, emergency supplies you should keep in your car, how to change the oil, etc.. Taking care of your car helps turn it from something scary to something you start to understand inside and out--and knowledge helps us be less afraid.

In the same way, take some time to sit in your car, pull out the owner's manual, and read it over. Learning all of the buttons and what-does-what also helps give you a sense of control over your car.

Wear your fucking seatbelt jesus christ the laws have been in place for 50 fucking years (in America) for a reason

Figure out the best driving setup that works for you and keeps you the most comfortable and relaxed. For some people, this means putting on some tunes. For some, it means turning them off. Adjust your chair so that you have the best view around you, of your mirrors, while not putting strain on your back.

Keep your eyes ahead but take glances at cars to either side of you. There are two kinds of driving, called "reactive" and "proactive" driving. Reactive driving means only reacting to whatever immediately comes up, proactive driving means anticipating things that could come up. So for example, I'm driving down the highway. The car to my side is driving faster, at such a rate that if they continue, they will hit the car in front of them. If there is space in front of you, that probably means they're going to try to merge into your lane! (And probably suddenly, without using heir turn signal!) I slow down in those cases, to give this manic plenty of room to merge.

This also looks like keeping an eye not just on the car ahead of you, but several cars ahead of you. If you notice red lights in the distance, that means people are slowing down or coming to a stop, and you should be preparing to do so, too!

Just let people merge, man. If you're moving forward, you lose nothing by letting people merge with you. I don't put a "limit" on the number of people who "can" merge into my lane--if you keep enough space between you and the car ahead of you, there's always enough room to merge. There's literally nothing to be gained by not letting someone merge, besides being called an asshole.

And I mean. How many times have you tried to merge and fucking nobody would let you? And then some saint of a person finally lets you in before you miss your turn and you want to kiss their feet. Just imagine how many people will call you a saint for letting them merge. Imagine how many days are made when you let people merge.

In addition, though you probably won' reap the benefits, letting people merge helps keep the flow of traffic going and prevents backups and slow-downs! You, personally, can help clear up traffic that's come to a crawl. I have watched it happen in my rearview mirror, just by letting people merge.

(Think of how many accidents you also prevent because someone isn't panicking as they try to get to merge and trying to make sudden decisions under high pressure.)

Obviously don't do it FREQUENTLY if you don't have to: but try to learn how to drive one-handed. Being able to do so (briefly) means you know what to do if an emergency comes up and you need one of your hands. (Secret: it's your palm, not your fingers, for one-handed driving.)

Look, I KNOW the temptation is fucking real. I know. I KNOW. But do not brakecheck people. It is way more dangerous for you than it is for the shithead up your ass. It doesn't even work most of the time, if they're gonna get on your ass, they're gonna get on your ass, and brakechecking them is just gonna make them even pissier about it.

I do, recommend, however, going slower. Ease back on the gas~ This will also piss them off but it will make them more likely to just get fed up and pass you. If they can't pass you then you get to drink in the exasperation on their face in your rearview mirror.

When it comes to seeing other Problem Drivers on the road, there's kind of two main schools of thought, which is to either keep them ahead of you or put them behind you. I personally like to keep Problem Drivers ahead of me, if I can help it. I'd rather be able to see a problem and be able to react to it than put it behind me and then the Problem driver slams into me from behind because I had no idea they were still there.

If you have problems with night driving, try getting some kind of anti-glare lenses. It's glare that's typically the biggest issue with night-driving, so cutting through that will make things easier, safer, and more relaxed if you have to do so by night.

If your tire is losing air somewhat slowly and you can't afford to get it replaced just yet, there's an old solution that younger people might not know: find an air pump at a gas station, and fill the tire with air, yourself! It's really not hard, you just need to find what psi the tire is supposed to be pumped to (this will be on the side of the tire). At the air pump station, most stations now will let you set the psi you need for the tire, so you can set it to idk 42 psi? And it will automatically cut off or warn you when the tire pressure hits that psi! Pchow, easy fix, and if it's deflating slowly, this will buy you a little more time. Best of all, some stations offer their air pumps for free, but even if you have to pay, I think when I filled my tire a few months ago it was like $2 for 5 minutes of unlimited air pumping, which is more than enough for all of my tires, let alone just one.

That's all I can think of for now, so if you have any questions or want any advice, please feel free to ask! I am happy to impart whatever cultural knowledge/adulting information I can to you!

[marshallpupfan]

Marshall Merchandise Update!

Got some interesting new additions for my collection to show off today! Eventually, I need to show everything off again... as soon as I get things organized again. I still have items I bought from early last year that I still haven't found a spot for yet. I've been slacking! lol

First off, this lapel pin... being graciously held up by Wolf O'Donnell. There's probably a "can't let you do that" joke in here somewhere, but I can't think of any right off hand. 😅

This was actually sent to me by a friend, who recently paid a visit to Nickelodeon Universe (an indoor theme park). While she was there, she seen this and got it for me, hoping it was something I didn't have. Fortunately, it wasn't! A fine item for my collection, indeed! She'll likely see this post later, so if you're reading this, thank you again!

Actually, I believe she also went a year or two ago and managed to find the Meet & Greet Marshall wandering around. She even got a picture & video with him, too. I was quite envious! 😄

Next, this "magic towel" thing. It's also being held up by another wolf - this time, it's Wolf Link, from "The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess". Can you tell I'm a bit of a Nintendo gamer? lol

Anyhoo, I was just doing some shopping with my mother in a dollar store when I happened to stumble upon this. It was only $1.25, so... why not get it? The artwork isn't the best, but hey, I still like it.

Next, one of those "Good 2 Grow" snack containers! Actually, funny story about this one. I was at a gas station, not expecting to see anything pertaining to PAW Patrol, when I seen one of these that someone left at the front near the cashier. However...

It was actually one of Zuma, which surprised me, since they usually pass him up to focus on the main four. I meant to post about it on Twitter/X, but like usual, I forgot. In any case, I decided to track one down, and I soon found one of Marshall at Walmart. It was the last one, too! Unless I'm mistaken, they also had one of Liberty, so I guess they went beyond just the six original pups this time. Nice!

As you might recall, we've actually seen products like this before, about a year or two ago. Back then, it was just the pups in their regular outfits. This time, they went with a superhero theme, no doubt due to The Mighty Movie. I'm not sure why they went with Super Paws and not the Mighty Movie outfits, but maybe these were easier to mold. Who knows, but hey, I quite like it when older outfits get brought back, instead of them getting forgotten in the sands of time.

I just wish we could see THIS outfit again someday. It had a brief reappearance in that "Mighty Pups Save Adventure Bay" video game, but that's it so far. Sadly, at this point, I doubt we'll ever see it again.

Er... guess I got a little distracted here, sorry!

Last, and absolutely not least, is this brand new item! Something I knew about for many months and couldn't wait to get a hold of one for myself! It's "Storytime with Marshall" by Leap Frog!

(In hindsight, taking these pictures in front of my monitor may not have been the best idea. Hopefully they're not too hard to see. 😅)

This thing is legitimately super awesome! They really got his likeness down so well here! I mean, seriously, just look at it! It's so cute! It's easily one of the best pieces of merch I've got in my collection now!

According to the box, it can do quite a lot. It includes 40+ stories, which I assume are based on various episodes (I haven't listened to them yet, but I also assume they focus on different pups, going by the buttons on the front... yeah, it's a shame there's no Rocky or Zuma again, I know). It has a sleep timer, to help lull the little ones to sleep at night before shutting off and all that. Additionally, it teaches "core learning skills" or something, whatever that means. That's cool and all, but of course, for me, I just wanted it because I absolutely love how it looks. It'll look great on one of my shelves! lol

I'll admit, I'm glad this came out before the new animation style got applied. While I like Marshall's updated season 11 look so far (I might make a separate post about that later), his original design is still my #1 favorite. A part of me hopes to keep collecting more merchandise of THIS Marshall, but I know that, by next year, they'll probably retire this design and start using the new one, permanently. Guess I'll enjoy it while it lasts. 😅

And that's all for now! I currently have another item coming in the mail; Marshall's new Rescue Wheels big wheel vehicle + figurine. It's been delayed, but it's supposed to show up at some point next week. Hopefully, the remaining Rescue Wheels merchandise will show up in stores soon enough, and I'll be able to show them all off soon. I might also have to buy a Boomer figurine, too. lol

[everydayyoulovemeless]

This will most certainly be an incredibly strange ask, but I finished watching Predator recently, and was thinking, how would New Vegas or 4 companions react to having (with the help of their respective protagonist) killed one of them?

FNV Companion's Reactions To Having Killed One Of The Predators

➼ Word Count » 0.6k ➼ Warnings » None ➼ Genre » Platonic

Boone finds them disgusting and would want to send in a report to the NCR just so they're aware of what's out there. They're a threat to the natural order of things, and if the Legion got a hold of one, the Mojave would be screwed. If anything, he'd want to try and find more so they could be turned into weapons for the battle at Hoover Dam. The whole ordeal would be another reason for him to be kept up at night, too busy worrying over the possible dangers that could harm either of you to even want to rest.

Arcade would stand in shock, confused at what he was looking at, before snapping out of it and taking as many samples as he could carry with him. He'd try and take everything he could — from its weapons to syringes filled with its blood — just so the Followers could help research it with him. His biggest concern would be that more would eventually come, so he's hoping this will make everyone more prepared if they do.

They might not even realize Raul's alive at first, or at the very least, go a bit easier on him due to how sick he looks. He'll be glad when the thing finally dies, hitting it once more to ensure it stays down. He'll make bitter comments about how he 'doesn't even look that old'. He's more salty about it than anything, but he does try and recommend that you and him stick to NCR or Legion camps so they can deal with them if another ever comes back.

Lily is appalled by the lack of manners the Predators have and will give you this short shpeal about how you should never end up like them. Her schizophrenia makes it hard for her to fully comprehend this as a real event and not a sign that she just needs to take her medicine a bit more often, but she's there to support you when things go south.

Cass would start shooting at it the second it appeared and would feel so accomplished if you two actually did get it to die. She'd be exhausted afterward, suggesting that you guys set up camp for the night and figure out what to do with the beast in the morning. She might even throw some of its limbs on the fire to see if they're edible, and the armor would be good to sell...

Veronica would also try to gather as much information as she could on the creature and write a quick report for the Elder. This thing that the two of you killed is a technological marvel and she'd be damned if she let it go to waste. In fact, she might even ask you to help drag the entire thing back to Hidden Valley so that the other scribes can look at it in a more hands-on manner.

They can't see ED-E through their Bio-Masks since he doesn't produce any thermal heat, so it'll mostly just be the courier trying to kill it while he zips around in fear, trying to find a weak spot on it. It'll be more of a relief than a curiosity when you finally get him to fall. You'd probably just end up leaving it there and going to the nearest settlement with how tired the both of you would be.

Rex is still tense, even when the two of you do manage to kill it. He'll bark and growl until you're both far away from whatever hole you left it in and will be visibly shaken if you end up wandering close to the area ever again.

[dreadfutures]

I hold in two hands:

everything is going pretty well. I am slowly making friends and deepening friendships IRL in my dream town. relationship w my family is the best it may have ever been in my life. my job is easy and satisfying and eases my conscience and I enjoy it. i am getting back into physical art. I call my best friend from grad school every week. I play DND with my best friends from college every week. I play Pathfinder with a group I've been with for six years every week. I have every cuisine imaginable available to me, there is every kind of hang out spot nearby, transit is cheap, and I'm under very little pressure in life. I have improved my digital art over the years and have the honor of being commissioned to draw people's OCs! I have a story I've been writing for four years that I am still passionate about and invested in with a dedicated readership of 100 or so people every update. I get to participate in exchanges of art and writing about fandoms I love, with people who love them. I have been able to introduce good people looking for communities to good communities full of good people. I have been able to run a (so far!) successful large fan event to celebrate all of that. I have so much I'm looking forward to, games and music and movies and books, travel, visits, museums...

and

I am tired. Depression is coming back for me like the tide and with it comes this irrational unsteadiness. Where things have been certain, solid, steady, and where I've been unconcerned and happy, I'm finding myself insecure, jealous, shy, uncertain, self deprecating, self conscious, unconfident, unhappy. everything I make I question. I can't help but feel the weight of all the things I usually brush off as meaningless. There's no amount of rationalization, reassurance, or interactions that can turn that around.

It just is. Both. All at once. For now.

I am very grateful for what I have. I really am. but I will never not be depressed, you know? Like, if I'm being pulled under by a rip current every few months, at least the water is warm now. And it'll let me out eventually I guess, as it always does, and I'll find my footing again. It's easier to find footing again and not drown than it was 5, 7, 10 years and many prescriptions ago. but right now I just wish I could find a therapist to have an outlet to express, process, experience those feelings safely with another human being who won't be affected by it all. It has been a long time since I've been the kind of childish person who goes crying and wailing about my insecurities to people in search of validation and praise that I would then reject. But watching other people do it makes me wish I wasn't so far along on the self awareness journey and could be so freely pathetic again. Because that behavior does receive so much validation, pretty intensely, lots of preening comments that feel morbidly good and bad simultaneously, you know? But it feels better than silence, even if it comes with the shame of publicly begging for attention and validation lmao. But better than silence is also just having a place to express stupid feelings and cry a river about petty things and then be able to sigh or laugh it off and put those feelings in broader contexts and move on without ruining my life and relationships.

I just fucking wish they didn't all set their appointments by telehealth only, and in the middle of my goddamn work day.

I don't want a room mate again but I wish I didn't live alone. I wish I just had someone who got me, who sees me and loved me, in the same room, day and night. I miss the person who inspired DPDF a lot these days. they weren't the first person I had that connection with and they don't have to be the last. and our connection isn't the same anymore but it's still precious and it's hard being apart but that's how it has to be. There will be others. it'll be fine. someday maybe. in the meantime it's cooling down from this heat wave and there are lunches to attend and weird driveway artisan shows to sniff out and cafes to write in and cute outfits to wear and things to learn and I'll play more good games and I'll get my hair done special and at some point the positive feelings will catch up again and maybe I'll be able to enjoy them fully like a normal human being. at some point I'll blink awake in the middle of a conversation and realize I'm feeling happy and clear again. that's how it always happens and in the meantime I hold both of these feelings in separate hands at once. Tangible. If I say out loud that they're both real then they both can be, again.

[anothermoirafan]

VAMPIRES AND THEIR NAILS

Ok so I've been thinking abt this 4 a while and I came to a conclusion that if there is a true united and connected (no matter how badly) vampire society then there must be norms? Some sort of rules or traditions. Now unfortunately Castlevania doesn't tell us much here, except tidbits such as having philosophy and a general sense of who is and who isn't in the community. So let's use logic instead. So usually, in the animal kingdom and human culture, norms and expectations, especially of beauty, were based on proving oneself to be succesful and therefore of the ability to afford luxuries that stand against reason of need. Take exotic birds for example; the show off of colors shocks and appeals to females (usually) but also makes it easier to be spotted as prey. The takeaway is ofcourse, that the beadzzled male can simply, by strength and intelligence, afford to be bedazzled. During human history, at least for most of, it was a signifier of wealth and class to be chubbier or even obese. The unspoken context was that even though most couldn't afford to feed their family, you were able to eat more than you needed or even wanted. Similar thing was for nails. Famously, in China, during the Warring States period (around 475-221 BC) long nails became a status symbol; a symbol of not doing labour, therefore not needing to have nails cut short for said labour. An added bonus was definately that healthy nails require a good diet, oils and frequent washing for good appearance; and can be decorated for extra measure.

Now back to the vampires. Considering the long nails of every vampire we see, and the knowledge that they can even be used in combat (see for:Raman) we can safely assume that linger nails are part of vampire signifiers and naturally occur afzer the transformation aling with fangs. Even characters who we would describe as practical (Dracula, he's dramatic but a scientist goddamit he knows what could be under) have them. I checked but unfortunately we don't see much of Tera's transformation but it'll definately be cool to find out if it makes it into her new design. Now we could assume that maybe nails are results of age but I feel as if that were the case again they wouldn't be that common.

How do vampires see their nails? Similar to humans, one would think, but i feel like there's more philosophy in there. Many vampires see their nails as as proof and extension if their animalistic side, cue trying to cut them and keep the human-short (great example is Lenore, who out of all vampires seems culturally very much still human or at least she tries to be) or embracing it and having literal claws (Dracula). But I want to talk about the detail of Carmila having red nails. With no knowledge of vampire technology I'm gonna say she used a formula way back from the Zhou dynasty in China at around 600BC or the Ming dynasty. Either way nail polishes of the time were limited in color but we knew they had red and adored it.

Why did I have this rant? Because I believe vampires use nails as virtue signaling.

Think about it. Vampires as a species are very cruel and deceitful so it's hard to know where somebody stays. But nails? Immediately u get the picture. Carmilla didn't just look good in red, she was the only general with colored nails, even Raman kept them natural (prob for combat but still). Think of the implications? She saw her vampirism as an extension and addition to her greatness. The color? Symbol of passion and prosperity. And upkeep? Probably expensive and rare, I mean she is a war general, I doubt that leaves time for manicure, but she did it anyways, probably HIRING HUMANS for it too. AND it matches her outfit. So u have these old vampires who keep their nails long as they accepted it, and think "yea this works" when all of a sudden a Bad BitchTM walks in and how do they know she means business? Colored nails.

And what does that leave the rest with. Think of all the times Styria hosted parties, galas and meetings with other vampire nations, putting up a good face, just for Lenore to cut her nails. Imagine the outrage and pity. She's the diplomat!! And yet, in company, she keeps her nails short. She already looks like a young girl, probably turned against her will, and the nails? Knowing Morana and Carmilla that had to be a constant fight. How could she represent them like this? Does she hate the gift of eternal life they've all been gifted with?

I imagine she tried to keep them long. For some time, probably an important politics season. Maybe she liked them, maybe she was waiting to cut them off, when she accidentaly cut herself. The pain. Anyone who has longer nails can tell u this is more often than u think, and considering vampire length and probable strength those cuts are good and deep. She cries. Of course the wound is already healed, ofcourse Morana and Carmilla yell how it'll pass but what they don't get is that the pain still happened. And it will again. And nobody understands.

She probably likes Hector's hands. He kept his nails short, he's a man of work, and thinks she likes the possibility of what he can do. But she just likes the nails. She even sometimes tells him to cut them shorter, since she wants to see how long and gradual human nail growth is. She enever tells him that, she lies and says "claws are for vampires" and she hates it. When she kills herself, Hector goes through the quartet's rooms for things and information and finds so many nail upkeep sets, hell even Striga has them. And Lenore has. Well a clipper. She never kept more. She couldn't.

[thecharleston]

[After sleeping for a solid 17 hours a couple of weeks ago, Charlie bounced back, more focused than ever before. She'd forgotten just how much more effective sleep was at energizing her than Pixi Stix. And so, ever since, she'd been working diligently on her telescope-- with a healthy amount of breaks this time. She'd basically been living in this little quiet room of the library. Hey, it's cozy, warm, and a good work environment. And nobody's kicked her out yet, so she's really made this space her own-- pasting huge diagrams and such on the wall for easy reference, finding spots to stash her more sensitive notes... things like that.]

[And today? Her work might finally yield results. Her telescope didn't need much-- it didn't need to rise above the Earth's atmosphere to get a full view of things, for instance. All it needed to work was to scan something made of biological matter. Normally, Charlie would have a potato ready. After all, she used it as a sort of "anchor" on her adventures. Any universe that has a plant with the exact genetic code as her potato wouldn't be a universe she would immediately die in by way of the environment. It would always be at least a little familiar. Unfortunately, her potato had long since decayed and been lost. She needed something else. Some bit of genetic material that would tie the telescope to her universe and her universe alone, something from hole that remained untainted by her travels.]

[She thought about it, then realized her hair hadn't changed one bit-- that might sound obvious, but most of her physical features shift and morph to match the universe she's in-- and that includes making her colors a little less cartoonishly vibrant in many universes. Except, her hair never seemed to change, at least not in color. One could mistake her for having dyed hair with how bright it is. ...It'll have to do. Of course, it's easier to extract DNA from the follicles of her hair than the hair itself, so... one by one, she carefully tugs 5 strands out, then gently places them into the scanning chamber of her machine. She shuts the chamber's door, making sure it's sealed.]

[Now all that is left to be done is to test the darn thing. Charlie glances at the comically large and somewhat evil-looking lever she built as an on-switch (old habits die hard, okay?! Risky science deserves a little theatrics, as far as Charlie is concerned). She takes a deep breath and walks over to it. Then, grunting with effort, she yanks the lever until it's switched. The telescope bursts to mechanical life; even a few stray bolts of electricity rapidly coiling their way up the wire from the lever to the machine. Don't worry, that's usually a good sign where she's from. She anxiously watches the telescope orient itself, listening to its whirring. Then... it dings. It's located her home universe, and thus, she can use the image of it to calculate its size. Charlie gasps, then cackles, punching the air triumphantly. She can't help it this time.]

GYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! EUREKA!

[...Silence. Charlie's smile fades as she realizes just how homesick she is: if this were home, the Narrator would have congratulated her, or at least said something witty, depending on his mood. And with a maniacal laugh THAT passionate? Lightning would be cracking outside in time with her. But she's learned that most universes don't have nigh-omniscient narrators that talk to you, nor will lightning inexplicably strike when your evil laughter escapes you. And speaking of... she's also really learning just how tame her world's definition of evil is. She misses it when things were fun and light.]

[Charlie looks toward telescope again, its screen modeling her universe in full. Even if she goes back, she'll never be able to live there with the same naivety as she used to. ...But at least, she can try to protect the others from having to learn what true evil looks like the hard way.]

[izzy-b-hands]

On a fun, non tech issue related note, I have random fic updates info to share just because

first, I've nearly finished a fang/izzy/ed modern au fic (done purely to give them a big ole great pyr bc that just Felt Right for them lol)

There's also an ed/stede focused (ed/izzy ongoing and future steddyhands implied) Cinderella rewrite that's more or less done. Aside from usual general editing stuff, I think it'll mostly be me finding more spots to describe Ed's sea witch-magically-made ball gown, and maybe bits abt ed and his mum? there's no evil stepmum, just Ed's mum and him deciding well. everyone ELSE is going to try and see if the prince will essentially propose to them at this ball, if they can find a way to get the appropriate clothing why not have Ed try?

A lot of that is already implied tho bc it starts in the middle of the ball so. might be unneeded details that I won't really have room to add?

but i like making it clear in this one that like. Ed's mum isn't upset when he comes back home in tears and tatters; she's there to tell him good job for going at all with implied thanks to sea witch Buttons and Karl for their help in that. They're a team in this; Ed wants to look after his mum to try and give her an easier/better life and Ed's mum just wants him to be happy and safe and doing better than they are now.

As a bonus, Ed gets Stede, a huge house to live in with him on royal land, and once Izzy gets to come home from the royal navy (what better than having Stede's shithead dad/king conscript away Ed's current betrothed, leaving Izzy to tell Ed to find someone until he's back and then hope that they'll be willing to share. and stede is happily willing!) he'll be welcome to live there with them and essentially be a married man to them both who also gets to avoid any official royal events with this set up which, if i was writing a sequel to where the current fic stops, is exactly what he wants aksndkfng

This has been a huge ramble for the second fic, but I'm rather fond of it. wish i could draw well enough to sketch out Ed's dress in it too, but i wouldn't inflict that image on anyone even if i did dare to try drawing up the design lmaooo

but it's pretty. glittery and full skirts and a corset top. not historically accurate but we're just having fun with it (as are all my fics set anywhere near actual canon timeline tbh, I'm a step away from randomly giving one person a cell phone on the Revenge in a canon timeline fic. will it work? if it does, how? where did they get it? fun questions to ask but more fun if the person simply refuses to answer them)

enough rambling, at least until i get it edited, posted to ao3 and then post that link and ramble in the tags there lmao

[jaeducs]

it was such a bad idea to start liking sechskies now... at least 2016 would've done me some good but now it feels like a barren land >< i'm so insane about these uncles rn but it feels like screaming into a void TT also doesn't help that i have the biggest soft spot for the official mr. shit talker™ of kpop. I was literally watching videos of that new sm group RIIZE and came across a sechskies performance. man why did they all have to be so handsome and funny and talented. i haven't been this obsessed in so long. how do you do this mrs. jaeducs... i'm currently alive only on your scans and all the old videos that Silver G1 posted on youtube TT

LOL yea I totally understand. I've been a fan for ages and I still get frustrated over the lack of content. Honestly though, if you can learn some basic Korean or at least how to read Hangul it'll make it easier. Plus you'll be getting educated while you do it. There are thousands of rare and weird obscure Jekki videos from the 90s, just gotta look up some weird terms.

Also I swear there was a list of all modern shows they were in up until a few years ago with links to them. I recommend 3 meals for 4 which is subbed on youtube if you haven't watched it already! If you're a Jiwon fan watch all the seasons or new journey to rhe west too. Knowing bros, weekly idol and my little television are all classics too! And the youth foundation trips. Trust me just search on Twitter and you can find links with subs to almost everything.

ALSO WATCH SEVENTEEN. I'm pretty sure there is a subbed version!

[foggyparadisecandy]

21 Thoughts

21 is a pretty special number (at least here in the USA).

And since today is June 21st, it seems like a golden opportunity to celebrate with 21 thoughts and ideas designed to make your life better.

Consider it my gift to you. 💗

(I've shared some of these before in different ways)

Learn to be your own best friend. When you start to beat yourself up or feel upset or angry, ask yourself how would you treat your best friend? What would you do and say to comfort them when they are going through a tough spot? Do that for yourself.

Be kind and compassionate to yourself. You are human. You will make mistakes. You will be mean sometimes and regret it. You will be neglectful. It's ok. Be your best friend and treat yourself with kindness and compassion.

Forgive yourself. Same as above. You aren't going to be perfect so when you stumble, pick yourself back up. You can't live in past mistakes without sacrificing your future. Learn from the past but don't let it hold you back.

Forgive others. Other people will mess up too. Sometimes they will hurt you so much you feel overwhelming sadness or anger or fear. It'll be ok. They might be having a bad day. They might be having a bad life. Whatever it is, it has nothing to do with who you are. Forgive them and let go of the negative emotions.

Learn from your mistakes. Yes, forgive. Of course, forgive yourself. But also: learn. Do better next time. Do your best. That's all you can do. You will still make mistakes. It's ok.

Do your best. It might be silly but it's a hypno truism that if you want a subject to fail, tell them to try. So ... don't "try". Do. And when you do, do your best. Because then, even if you fail, you will feel proud and good. And you will learn and grow. It's so important.

Love yourself. You are the only one you will be with for 100% of your life. So be your best friend and your biggest supporter. Love yourself unconditionally. Don't judge yourself. Others will do that. And, btw, fuck them for judging you. You love you.

Love others ... but don't lose yourself. Love yourself first. Hold fast to your dreams, your plans, your identity. It will make loving others easier because you will be in balance with them as you are with yourself.

Find your balance. Meditate. Fill your life. Make it full of things you love and enjoy. Remember your place in the universe is to be happy with your life. Make choices that support that.

Dream big. Don't settle for less. And don't settle for living someone else's dream. Yeah, sometimes we have to make short-term decisions to get by. And that's ok. You might have to put your dreams in your back pocket while you are focused on survival. But keep them in that pocket and, every once in awhile, take them out and cherish them.

Dream bigger. You have so much potential. I don't care what your mind tells you to frighten you off, to keep you down. I don't care what those voices of all the haters and jerks have said. You are destined for great things. Nothing will stand in your way when you put your mind to it.

Find people who love you and support you and don't let them go. This one can be hard. Especially as people get older and life pulls us all in so many directions. I get it. Just do your best to keep special people in your life. They are hard to find.

Keep a gratitude journal. Not a journal of the good things that happen to you, but rather good things you do for others. Make a record of your good deeds. Because the good things that happen? Your mind can write them off as "luck" but the good things that you do? You did those! You are a good person! You make others happy.

Review your gratitude journal. Flip through old entries - it's great to have a physcial book for this because of the tactile sensation is hard-coded into our brain to create certain results. When you are having a hard day, or hard week, pick that bad boy up and flip through it and remember: you are a good person and you do good things.

Reconnect with old friends, make new friends, build a support network. Humans thrive on connections. We all need them. So many people are lonely these days - often it just takes being a friend to make a friend. Share your life with others and learn from others.

Don't take shit from anyone. Not everyone will have your back. Life is short. Surround yourself with people who are going to be in it with you through thick and thin. Surround yourself with good people. You will rise to the level of your peer group. If your peer group is un-ambitious, you might want to ask yourself if you are dreaming big enough.

Save for a rainy day. I know for many this is an impossible task. Make it possible to the best of your ability. Save $5 here. $5 there. Learn about compound interest and how it grows over time. Rich people aren't rich because of how much money they earn at their jobs. They are rich because of how much they save. I know this is a hot subject for some but it's true all the same. I know it's hard. Do your best.

Travel when you can. See the world. Learn history. Learn art. Go to museums. Go to national monuments. Go to international monuments. Live life and experience the richness as much as you can. Even if all you can afford is a trip to a local wildlife park. Do what you can, when you can.

Read. Read. Read. We expand our worldviews through travel, doing things, and reading. Travel and doing things can be expensive. Reading is cheap and can be done anywhere. There are millions of books and authors out there. Find a genre you enjoy and read. Open up your world.

Learn to tell stories. Go bold, exaggerate a bit, watch how people respond, refine your stories, keep people's attention, make them laugh, make them cry, make them sigh. Learn to tell stories well. People love stories. People love storytellers. There's no trick to this. Read stories and see which ones captivate you. Watch videos of people telling stories about anything really and figure out how they keep you fascinated. You can do this. You have a lot to share. The world is waiting to hear it.

Remember I love you. I wrote this out of love for you. No matter what happens in life, open yourself up to random weirdos loving you. You never know what kindnesses you will find out there. (Just don't get in their van, and don't accept drinks from strangers! lol)

That's 21 things. I hope you have a golden day.

[regular-lord-reckoner]

it is spring time and appropriately, i have been a very busy bee !!

i'm on much needed pto and it is wonderful. i somehow managed to get completely caught up on all my work before i left so i'm not stressed about when i go back next week

i've mostly been sleeping a lot which i desperately needed and i've been doing a lot of things i've meant to for a while now

namely scheduling doctors appointments and updating my insurance everywhere i need to and that sort of shit, plus some legal stuff my mom and i are doing for some of my dad's stuff.

since monday i also started finally working on my closet again. i had to stop last time and toss everything back in there because...yeah, but now that i can spread some things out again i've made a lot of progress so far

every day i go in with the goal of getting out at least one bag of stuff to throw away and i've also moved out a bunch of clothes i'll need to sort through and a few other things i might be able to give away

feel like i can actually breathe in there again so that's nice. needed that. i'll probably work on it some more over the next two days and then take a break but it should be a lot easier now that i've really gotten the ball rolling to finish it up and fingers fucking crossed this time it'll be all done by the fall where it can just be my nice closet again and i can actually find things !!

i also finally went to get my oil changed today and fortunately there were no other problems so that went smoothly !! i got it washed, too (not that it matters now because it's pouring rain outside now lol) and i stopped to get my mom a birthday card and a gift bag for her present since her birthday is on monday !!

other than all of that i'm just trying to take it easy and unwind. trying to still rest a lot and not push myself too hard or do anything i don't feel up to.

for the past, mmm, i dunno, while i've just been full of piss and vinegar if that wasn't evident so i've tried to just be real quiet and keep to myself until i can feel less overwhelmed.

i'm still in that time out corner for now but i'm starting to feel a lot better so that's something! i've been doing a lot of cleaning lately as well (i did my bathroom on monday and will be doing laundry all throughout the week as week as well as the usual dishes and garbage duty) so that usually helps me feel a bit better.

it's also very cathartic just...throwing a bunch of shit away !! and having more space !! yay !!

oh, i also finally had therapy again after like...a month and i'm not sure yet what my new insurance situation will look like, but i think we're all happy to be done with my old insurance (she was telling me about something weird they did that i just...cannot fathom (something about mailing her a paper credit card that no one would accept ?? idk), but oh well, good riddance !!) and i'm slowly but surely working on paying her back !!

lastly, i tried a new coffee place today because i'm still trying to figure out which local coffee spot will be my new favorite now that i no longer haunt starbucks or dunkin and i went to this new one today and i....i definitely ordered a chai...a 32 oz one at that because why not, i love chai.... whatever they gave me definitely was not chai.

i'm not sure what it is exactly, but it's definitely got coffee in it and i thought at first maybe it was a dirty chai but no. and it's no big deal, i took it and just drove on but what's baffling to me is i was the only customer at that time.

nobody in front of me, no one behind me and maybe they were doing a mobile order or something but i had to sit there for a few minutes while they made it and it was...not at all what i was expecting, but also not bad !! haven't had an iced coffee in a minute so i'll take it !! (they also put a little chocolate covered espresso bean on the top which was very good)

anyway, i thought that was kinda funny. i've also finished all my chores and errands for the day now so i might take a nap or i might read or who knows what i might do, i actually have time to myself !!!!

just wanted to give a little update since for once it isn't me just bitchin' about things XD

hope if you're reading this that you're doing well and i'll be back to being a human (or as close to it as i get) ....sometime !! <3