#so it’s totally empty but that’s ok <333

[feartheoldblog]

i literally never use twitter but i refuse to delete it because i love my @

[transfemlogan]

Objectum Logan .... deeply important to me <333 actually do you have any hcs for what object partners she'd have??

OBJECTUM LOGAN IS SOOO REAAALLL

ok well one obviously. a jar of crofters. maybe an empty jar. so they dont... get moldy.

i can also TOTALLY see him dating his favourite book & taking them everywhere w/ him.

honorable mnts: deadlines, his tie, calendar, one of his side plushes— he doesnt wanna date the Side & has no feelings for the side, just their plush— an audiobook or podcast he likes, a laptop*, his waterbottle

*IM PROJECTING

[seongminiz]

ok. i’m back! getting to the point at work where i’m so bored and bothering everyone because of it jk that’s how i am 5 mins in

so.. what was i saying? bermuda line n reader. i kinda just want to live in a house where i’m available for use for bermuda line at all times but i’m trying to be more creative than that. also just fuckboy!hyunjae i was kind of just thinking if ur like friends with juyeon and younghoon, and they bring him around as like a new friend but they’re like pls y/n don’t sleep with him, it’ll be really hard not to but don’t do it, and ur like wtf do u think of me but then… u get it. and it’s a game all the time of flirting with each other and sexual tension and then when you do sleep together, he’s trying to get you to be as loud as possible so the others can hear in the apartment, “that’s it, you’re so good for me” and all that😵‍💫 but u could also replace hyunjae with juyeon or younghoon or like swap them around, i just think it’s kind of hot🥵

and then, trying to figure out smth for all 3, at the same time, i’m thinking that ur fwb with all of them and they sort of know about each other, and they’re either all friends and talk about it or they don’t rly know each other that well but then maybe they start too, and listen my brain is empty all i can think about is just wake up, juyeon, lunch, hyunjae, dinner, younghoon, like maybe i’m just a slut but… lemme just talk about my hcs for them instead cuz i feel like i can’t articulate but i think there isn’t even anything to be specific about.

i see juyeon as like a dom leaning switch, i’ve read some fics where he’s a really sweet subby himbo and i lovveee that but also just juyeon’s hands… juyeon’s body, everything (and he’s such a sweet boy!!!!) he’s definitely a softer dom, but could be a total tease i barely ever think of him without hyunjae and vice versa because their soft dom/mean dom dynamic is just soo !! good !!!!!! but i also rly only see hyunjae as a dom.. can’t see him subbing so much but i mean, it’s possible. and younghoon.. i like as a sub but he’d also definitely be the sweetest dom, i feel like he’d be less of a tease? much gentler, he’d get off on making you feel so good, diminishing you to nothing but high pitched whines and babbled speech, he’d take rly good care of you<333 so all 3 together would be so perfect!! like crazzyyy good, but it’d have to be like.. spread out cuz idk if it could literally all happen at once, you wouldn’t survive but i’m trying to imagine… cuz .. going way off the tracks now, but dp.. is smth i would never want to attempt irl but it makes me think jumil. and then maybe younghoon in ur throat. idk. idk i’m gonna stop myself here for a min.

- 🧁 anon

OK SO let me start off by saying i think i had a bermuda line threesome thought somewhere in my notes up but unfortunately its on my old phone :') if i manage to find it i'll definitely recycle it for this blog („• ᴗ •„)

but i clearly remember it having mean dom!hyunjae , soft dom!juyeon n even softer dom/service top!younghoon so ,,, i completely agree with u on that ^^

anyways , tbh both the idea of already having an established relationship with all three of them n fuckboy!hyunjae being the 'catalyst' to completely turning around ur lives by starting some kind of fwb/situationship thing bc hes a menace like that

n omg dont get me started on dp with jumil .. or any other combination of them tbh idk im crazy n i just know that they all have monster cocks n dp with them would be an almost spiritual experience fr

[sailorhyunjinz]

SKZ SHORT REACTION TO YOU ALWAYS CRYING , WHINING , AND RUBBING YOUR FACE INTO THEM DURING SEX 😭🥺🥺 CUTE FDDFFGG

It just always feels so good and overwhelming to have fat cock inside of your tiny pussy 🥺

Also ilysm <33 hry ?

-🐈

KITTEN! how are youuu~? i’m doing just fine, thank you for asking ^^

also... wish i could relate but do i get dick? no, none. ASHAHSHSA

OK QUICK REACTION (aka cherry word vomits) LEGO

warnings; dom!skz x gn!reader, dacryphilia, explicit sexual scenes, slight impact play, moaning, sex (well no fucking shit), orgasm,,, uh what more,,

before starting lemme just say this; as a collective THEY LOVE IT, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM LOVES IT but sure... some more than others 

Bangchan

nah mate you got him whipped 

W H I P P E D

just imagine holding him close and rubbing your face against his muscles while he’s just going at it OH LORD-

he already likes being in control

and when you show that you are weak in the presence of this dominant aura it just boosts that aura tenfolds.

i dont think he’d go as far as to see you cry but like tear up yk?

but BRUH HE LOSES HIS SHIT WHEN YOU’RE CLINGY

your toes curling as you try to move away from his touch, him already beginning on your fourth orgasm that night

you try to hold on to anything which is most likely his broad shoulders (oop drooling a bit)

DUDE HAS THEM GUNS TO BE ABLE TO MANHANDLE YOU WITH EASE

which he does... a lot 

but he would always ask if you felt comfortable and would remind you to use the safeword because caring dom shit 

whine his name and BYE- he cums

would ask you to say it louder

“let everyone hear how good im making my baby feel”

Minho

SKSKASK all of you guys are going to say that i’m stereotyping minho

BUT IT MUST BE SAID

he likes it to a certain extent

if you belong to the more extremely squirmy people chances are he would get kinda annoyed having to hold you down LMAO

THATS NOT TO SAY THAT HE DOESNT LOVE SEEING YOU WRECKED

nononono honey... this man is corruption kink in human form

crying >>>>> moaning

WELL THATS MY GUESS

he’d be all cocky about it

“only i can make you feel like that baby?” 

WAIT LISTEN TO THIS

he has a whole ass folder on his phone that’s just pictures of you being completely wrecked 

he uses them to jerk off 110%

it can really be any kind of pictures but his favorite is the one where you have both cum and tears running down your face

somebody take the internet away from me 

Changbin

awh binnie baby likes it v v much 

it let’s him know how much you are enjoying it which is more important then getting his own pleasure

oof service top binnie?? ok stop cherry dont LMAO

weak for your whining 100%

especially if it’s all like,, high pitched and cute I CANT-

ngl it gets him even hornier 

you’re feeding his horny monster by holding onto him, scratching his back and leaving all kinds of marks. 

just gonna say it; he likes seeing you desperate

“binnie~ i need you inside of m-me..”

say that and HE A GONER

BECAUSE HE LIKES SEEING OTHERS WANT HIM (i know all your secrets dont even try to hide it you smug hot mf)

because of his buff arms he would have no problem pinning you down if you squirmed around too much 

his sturdy arms in contrast with your quivering body OH GAWD

“you want me? beg then” 

and you can’t simply ask 

you need to whine it

IT DOESNT HAVE TO SOUND CUTE

just desperate ;)))

Hyunjin

the whole fucking rubbing your face and hair against him; in love

it doesnt even have to be against him

against the bed or against a pillow is enough to keep him going

your hair all disheveled when you look at him :((

“do i fuck you that good, baby?” he cooed at you, your head burried in a multitude of pillows. you nod, your hair in your face as your whole body jerks forward from his powerful thrust

we all know that this boy is vocal 

so you would have to be EVEN LOUDER to get him off

which you were

god you know the dance lives??

when he’s all sweaty and is heaving for air?

head empty. only that

yeah... he would like a clingy s/o

because then he can go around and be proud of himself that he made you cry in bed LMAO

he wouldnt tell it to anyone, seeing it more as a personal achievement HASHASH

a sucker of you being squirmy

gives him more reason to use force when pinning you down 

showing himself off a lil...

blushing mess if you compliment him on his muscles tho... 

Jisung

you know that video where felix bites a banana with the peel still on and jisung goes all “SPIT IT OUT YOU FUCK” 

yeah thats what happens when you start crying from how hard he’s going

he thinks he fucked up real bad

no dude you just hitting it too good (HASHASH bye im yeeting myself off a cliff)

crying in bed makes him scared but do you know what really gets him?

whining

A LOT OF IT

he loves how they go from small murmurs to full out long whines that are all uneven

some incoherent words mixed into them together with his name

he also loves how they sound mixed with his moans and growls

i feel like he’s very moved by sound

the mf that would record your moans no cap

i feel like he would be the one to rub his head against you??

yk missonary (wow cherry has nothing else to come with LMAO) he drops his head when he’s close to cumming, shaking his head slightly against your shoulder, his soft hair tickling you

he would be the one tearing up when he’s close

BECAUSE you feel too good wrapped around his aching dick :((

can we really blame him? 

Felix

OOOOH MY GOD 

OOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD

he loves it

more than he should

all of it; the crying, the rubbing against him, the whining, the hair in your face LIkE OOF

why? because it gives him a sense of being in control 

he has you under his control which IS RARE FOR HIM

OK he subs for you a lot and then he does the same thing, probably even more than you do

yk the whole rubbing his hair against your chest as he’s whining at the top of his lungs

BUT HE REDEEMS THAT WHEN HE DOMS

which is perfect because then its a give and take situation

happy sexy times

where the both of you are enjoying it waaay to much

WAIT THIS

imagine him pounding you in missionary right.... and both of you cry!?!?!

two overwhelmed babies :(((

Seungmin

Puppyboy is all for it 

let me just say,,, he has a corruption kink SAHSSAHS 

OK I KNOW EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE LIKE

“cherry he’s so neat and tidy, how could he possibly have a corruption kink?”

THATS WHY. BECAUSE HE LOVES SEEING YOU ALL TIDY AT DAYTIME

but god forbid nighttime because then you are nothing but a drooling and crying mess, holding onto him for dear life as he mercilessly pounds into you 

i swear this dude is all about drastic changes like duality is in his DNA

and i feel like he likes people that have that same charm??!?

IMAGINE THIS RIGHT;

you’re riding him, tired and fucked out of your mind, eventually leaning down to his chest and nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck, crying from overstimulation

AND THIS MF lifts you up slightly and starts thrusting up into you 

thats it. 

i love him AHSHASH

Jeongin

it would take a while for him to get used to you crying in bed 

first time it happened he got scared, stopped and hugged you, apologizing like a thousand times

you all like “...it was just getting good?”

he doesn’t understand shit at first???

“b-but why are you crying then? tell me the truth y/n”

“but i am?” 

after you explained that it just happens to you he’d nod and continue

after a while... he starts liking it

and if you one time don’t cry he’d be confused again, this time saying;

“did you not l-like it?” 

“dork, of course i did” you say ruffling his hair and he feels relieved hearing you say that 

ah cutie :(((

ALSO the whining and the squirming; total sucker for that LMAO 

OK IMMA SLEEP NOW holy shit my back is scoliosis central rn and im so damn nervous for my exam tomorrow AAAAAAH fuck fuck fuck 

ANYHOW HOPE THIS WAS FUN READING <333

[genshin-obsessed]

I know your busy could you do albedo or Xaio comfort- Bunni anon

I took my sweet time with this buuuut lets just say it can be used for future comfort?? unless you still need it now IN WHICH CASE- Also there's one line that's totally gonna ruin the atmosphere i was trying to create buuut i couldn't help myself. Just lemme have it. <333 Did I type this all up just now? Yes. Am I proud of it? Very yes. <33

Make You Smile

Albedo

"... the solution can be diluted with water but don't add too much unless- oh. You're not listening." Albedo said, looking towards you. You sat across from him, notebook open to a brand new page to take down any notes he needed for his current experiment. But, unlike usual, your notebook was completely empty.

You were staring off into the distance, your eyes filled with something he didn't see often. Sadness. Albedo didn't understand people like a normal person did. He based everything off of formulas and algorithms, but people didn't work like that. Normally, he wouldn't worry about people too much, but you were special. You were his special partner, so of course he would do anything to understand you.

Even then, comforting you... that was difficult. Should he hug you? Kiss you? What if you didn't want physical comfort? Would you like your favorite meal? Favorite desert? Did you wanna go outside? Were you tired of these experiments? Did someone say something to you?

What went on in your head, that he had a hard time understanding. Unsure of what course of action would be best, he inhaled and took a chance.

Reaching out, Albedo took your hand, making your (color) eyes snap to him. He rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb ever so gently.

"I'm not sure what to say to make you feel better. But... I want you to be happy. I'm right here, so don't feel like you have to keep it in. If... crying helps, then it's ok. I'll dry your tears. If today you'd like to be nowhere near the lab, then we can go out. We'll do anything that you like. We can go to Good Hunter. Maybe visit Venti? We could also take a walk to Angel's Share or Dawn Winery."

As he paused to give you a chance to speak, he noticed your eyes glossing over with tears. You turned your hand in his, grasping it tightly. Standing up, you walked around the desk and straight into his arms, burying your face in his chest.

"I'm sorry." You sniffled, letting the tears, flow.

"Don't be. We don't have control of our emotions and if you feel like they're getting too much, then you can come to me. It's ok... it'll be ok. I promise."

"Everything feels so overbearing. I feel so exhausted all the time. I feel so... unhappy. I feel so alone."

"I'm sorry. I hope you know that you're not alone though. I'll always be here for you. I'll never leave you alone, no matter what."

He felt your arms tighten around his torso as you sniffled. While lightly hushing you in an attempt to soothe your anxiety, Albedo ran his fingers through your hair. He would let you cry as long as you needed to, as long as it made you feel better. As long as it made you smile.

Xiao

You and Xiao didn't talk as much as people thought. You two didn't have the traditional dates. Going to dinner at a fancy restaurant wasn't exactly Xiao's scene. Normally, you two would share Almond Tofu on the rooftop of Wangshu Inn. Sometimes he would join you on your adventures if you went on any.

So, most of your time spent together was either conversations were you talked for the two of you or just comfortable silence. But after spending so long with you, Xiao knew exactly how to differentiate between your comfortable silence or inability to form words due to heavy emotions. The only problem following that was... he didn't know how to comfort you.

Xiao spent time away from people. He actively avoided humans for a reason and that made him quite antisocial. Normally, it wouldn't bother him. Who cared about anyone else? But you weren't anyone else. You were (y/n). Xiao's special person and he'd be damned if he couldn't help you.

But he couldn't help you. That's what hurt the most. That's what hurt more than the burden of his sins. Actually... his sins were nothing compared to the utter despair he felt at his inability to help you. Your smile was the salve to all these wounds he carried. Yet here you sat, carrying wounds of your own, but he couldn't help you.

Your eyes were locked onto the stars above and you were trying your best to hide your sorrow, but Xiao was too observant for that. His perception broke through any barriers you'd put up. But what to do with such an ability?

"I..." Xiao started, falling short but garnering your attention regardless. You turned to look at him, eyes filled with desolation. What would make you... so upset? The only thing he knew to do was kill. Could he kill your sadness? Maybe if the source was a person, but it wasn't. Those were the demons you carried inside of you and how was he supposed to kill them? Without killing you in the process?

"Everything ok, Xiao?" You asked, which almost made him laugh if he already wasn't so dead inside. Here you were, unhappy, yet still looking to make him feel better. That was the push he needed apparently.

"You know I'm not good at this. I... don't know how to make people feel better and usually, I don't care. But you're not just 'people'. You're... special to me. I don't know how to feel like you do. I'm not good at comforting like you can or anyone else. But I don't want you to be sad."

"I-I'm not, I'm just-"

"You can't lie to me. I'll always see through it. I'll always know you're being less than truthful. It's ok if you don't want to talk about it. It's ok if you don't want to confront whatever is making you upset. But... I want you to know..." Xiao said, meeting your eyes. He could already see the change in emotions through them. Gently taking your hand and pulling you, he placed you in his lap, wrapping his arms around you. You could feel how tense he was and you knew he was pushing himself, which would make you confront him about this. But at the same time... you enjoyed this bit of affection you got.

"Xiao..."

"I will face anything and everything with you. If the world made you cry... then I would destroy it whole. I... I want you to smile, (y/n). How... do I make you smile?"

[calumthoodshands]

Opening Lines Game

Thanks taylor @squishmichael for tagging me! <333

this is the worst bc i only have 12 fics and only upped that number like two days ago lol.

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories. (If you have less than 20, just list them all!) See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Tag some people to play the next round!

Nothing like the rain

It was a quiet afternoon, possibly due to the steady, although warm rain that had been falling down from voluminous, dark clouds hovering above the city since the early morning hours.

2. Where were you in the morning, babe?

Calum couldn’t figure out where it went wrong.

3. high above the city lights (I can't reach for the stars)

It was more than months, rather years later that it dawned on Calum that Luke had probably known what he had been doing.

4. Bloom

The ringing of a bright bell cut through the comfortable atmosphere of an empty flower shop, announcing what Calum would rather not have right now: a customer right before the end of his shift.

5. late night love

The carpet was soft under Calum’s hands in the warm, candle lit living room where he and Luke sat on the floor, Luke crisscrossed with his guitar while Calum leaned against the couch, watching him play, but not so far apart that they weren’t touching at least somewhere at all times.

6. The easy way out

Luke was struggling.

7. perfect fit

It was just a very, very dumb thing, really.

8. only on thursdays

The warm smell of coffee hung heavily in the air when Luke entered the red and white diner at the corner of the street on a late Thursday afternoon.

9. Days in the sun

The small town in the very south of France was, although rather poor, a beautiful place in the middle of widespread lavender fields, meadows and vineyards.

10. the space in-between

The thing about Calum Hood being your best friend, in Luke’s totally objective opinion, is that it’s pretty much impossible not to feel more than that about him at times.

11. favourite crime

Calum would like to file a complaint.

12. of lovers and friends

The first time Luke notices something’s going on happens not even weeks after they’ve moved in.

OK, and bc i'm funny i will add one of an upcoming... work.

13. ?

“I miss you.”

and that is all! thank you for the attention. hope this entertains someone. apparently i like descriptive and short sentences, how very surprising. i will tag: @burstingsunrise @kaleidoscopeminds @highscal anddddd @the-girl-who-cried-wolf <3 only if you want of course ok byeeeeee

[nihilistcrying]

oops I’ve had some more thoughts. Ok- Jervis drugging Jonathan.

at first Jonathan is confused and dizzy and panicking, asking what’s wrong with him- what has Jervis done to him? Jervis tells him “you’ve been agitated, my dear. I just gave you something to help you. Something nice.” 💖 This is fucking obviously not the kind of help jonathan wanted, but yall know jervis is going to twist it against him anyway.

Jonathan‘s feeling more hazy & warm, but there’s still an intense undercurrent of fear. And Jervis is intent on comforting him through that, because he doesn’t want his dearest boy to be afraid. 🥺 He’ll be right there with Jonathan, whispering nice things to him, telling him this will make everything easier. That Jonathan doesn’t have to worry anymore- he doesn’t have to think at all. There’s no need to busy himself with silly things like thinking when he can just shut his eyes, relax, and look pretty instead. Jervis has given jonathan that freedom cos he cares about him that much <3

as Jervis guides him to the bed, Jonathan puts up a little fight, batting his arms, but he’s lost his coordination. His attempts are so useless that Jervis doesn’t even have to hold him down. He just brushes Jonathan’s hair back and coos at him, giving more encouragement the more pliant Jonathan goes, saying shit like “give it up. that’s it, my love.”

When Jonathan is totally under, mindless and blinking slow at jervis, that’s when it really gets good. Now, Jervis could just fuck him, literally as hard as he wants, bc Jonathan wouldn’t fight back. But he doesn’t want that. He wants to take good care of Jonathan, even while he’s loopy & empty headed. So Jervis takes his time undressing Jonathan, touching his body, kissing his forehead, while Jonathan just makes quiet little noises. They could be protests or encouragements- there’s no real way to tell. 👀

Now Jonathan‘s in an altered state, but he‘s still awake, and he knows what’s going on, even if he’s admittedly confused about it. And maybe he’s not enjoying having fingers inside him, maybe he doesn’t want someone touching his dick, maybe he doesn’t wanna be fucked rn even if it’s slow and gentle, but he’s too foggy to think about anything like that. And he feels kind of good too, warm & fuzzy through the discomfort. If anything, he’s just happy that someone is petting his hair and telling him it’s okay all the while <333

[panharmonium]

more scattered naruto thoughts now that we’ve finished season 8 -

[spoiler policy disclaimer first, as always: I am watching naruto for the first time and have only gotten up to the end of season 8 (after pain destroys the hidden leaf village).  i am trying to avoid spoilers, so please don’t interact with this (tags included, because the notifications now show them to me automatically) with any spoilery commentary, including even general things like “oh i love this show but it gets less good after X point” or “X season is better than Y season” or any general assessments of quality/likability/etc re: future seasons.  Thank you! <3 ]

- i like the way S8 ended.  i know that in real life maybe it wouldn’t be so feasible to just talk your enemy back to the light, but honestly, i don’t care.  i love that shit.  i love stories when people refuse to hurt the people who hurt them first, and then their seemingly inconceivable choice to refrain from striking back creates a connection (it’s the ‘return of the jedi’ effect, folks).  i understand that it doesn’t work like that in real life most of the time, and i don’t recommend it for real life people trying to defend themselves, but i do love it in fiction.  i LOVED how naruto went in pursuit of nagato to talk to him, not fight him.  even though naruto says straight-up “i can’t forgive you” / “I want to kill you so badly i can’t stop shaking” - he still recognizes that his enemy is someone who’s been victimized, and he has enough compassion to feel pain on their behalf even when he himself is reeling from having his entire home destroyed and both of his teachers murdered by the person he’s confronting.  his choice to control his (valid) rage and extend a hand in compassion is ultimately what changes the outcome and saves everyone who would have died, reversing the damage that was done, and i love that shit.  

- absolutely adore yamato abandoning his own mission and taking off at a run to try and help naruto when he senses that naruto is losing control over the nine-tails.  this man thought he was just a substitute teacher for a while there, but he’s become part of the family while he wasn’t looking.

- HINATA.  oh my god i couldn’t even enjoy this incredible moment because i was so stressed out (and angry, at the time, because i really thought they were going to kill her, and that would’ve crossed my line).  i want to watch this again knowing that she’s fine, because my anxiety over ‘fuck fuck fuck they’re actually going to kill one of the kids’ precluded me from even appreciating it appropriately.

- there’s been a lot of talk on this show about how sakura doesn’t have as much chakra as naruto or sasuke, but she heals people non-stop the entire time Pain is attacking and doesn’t show any signs of running dry.  SHOW HER SOME RESPECT.

- CHOOOOOOOOJIIIIIIII!  omg.  i was so afraid that his father was actually dead, and SO RELIEVED that he was okay.  you can’t do that to choji!!!

- also relatedly, how much do i adore choji for caring so much about kakashi?  <333 i mean this kid is there sobbing over his dead body, and then he bursts out crying when kakashi comes back to life - i really appreciate these little ties between characters who aren’t always in close quarters but who do have a relationship.  kakashi has been a teacher to ALL of the kids, and team 10 especially feels indebted to him - the respect and affection they all feel for him is very real.

- first time i actually thought ‘ok he’s cool’ with regard to minato was when he talked to the nine-tails so unfazed like “he’s a loudmouth.  let’s go somewhere more quiet.’  i’ve been kind of so-so on his character so far, but i liked this.  

- also later in that scene - the (rare) scenes we’ve seen where naruto totally breaks down absolutely kill me.  it happened once when gaara was dead, and then there’s another moment in this episode when he’s talking to minato - whoever voices him does just incredible work in those moments, and it is SO PAINFUL to me because naruto is always such a happy kid the rest of the time and eternally optimistic and positive and excited and popping back up every time he falls down, and so when he cracks it is just devastating to see.  i hate seeing him cry like that.

- similarly - that shot of sasuke at the end of the itachi arc wrecked me.  naruto’s breakdowns are upsetting, but at least he allows himself to have them - when he gets pushed past a breaking point, he explodes.  he cries and yells and spills every single thought in his head in front of everybody who’s around him, and after it’s done, things get better.  he’s with people who care about him.  he’s venting and making himself understood, and he always finds his equilibrium again.

sasuke, though, has been completely locked down ever since we saw him sneak out of the hospital to wander around the scene of his community’s mass murder, and he’s still locked down now, even crying all alone at the edge of the ocean.  this moment isn’t cathartic.  it isn’t a release.  this is barely even a sliver of what this kid has going on inside him, and it looks like it’s agonizing for him to even let that much out.

- the scene where naruto is about to give up and give in to the nine-tails’s power...that exchange!!!!!!!

i don’t know.  it hurts.  i hate this.  i don’t know.  what should i do.  i don’t know anything anymore.  someone...please help me.  give me...an answer.

destroy everything.  erase anything that causes you pain.  give me your soul, your spirit, your vital essence.  give it to me, and in exchange, i will rescue you from your pain.

this whole exchange is amazing.  the way naruto says ‘it hurts’...this is one of those scenes that expands to cover so much more ground than just what’s onscreen at that moment.  what naruto overcomes here is precisely the trap that sasuke has not been able to escape.  sasuke has never had any framework for dealing with pain that isn’t about pursuing vengeance.  it’s the only way he thinks he can free himself from his pain - by putting all of his energy into destroying the people who hurt him.  

but it becomes an endless cycle, because he never succeeds.  itachi dies and sasuke feels worse than ever, so he turns his attention to the hidden leaf in an attempt to finally kill what’s hurting him.  but even if sasuke were to raze the entire village to the ground, his pain would still be with him, and he’d then have to turn his attention to yet another target, because the alternative would be to recognize that he can’t escape his pain by destroying the things that hurt him, and that’s not something he’s able to accept right now.  he’s spent half his life fixated on the idea that revenge can rescue him from how terrible he feels, and abandoning that idea now would mean that nothing can save him.  it would mean that he’s going to hurt like this no matter what he does.  

kakashi tried to warn him about this.  he tried to tell sasuke that even after getting his revenge, sasuke wouldn’t feel better, that he’d only tear himself apart trying to achieve something that would leave him feeling empty - but sasuke was too entrenched in his own warped thinking to believe it.  and ever since then, sasuke has been in the company of people who are happy to let him dig himself deeper and deeper into a self-destructive hole as long as it benefits their agenda.  they don’t care if he’s hurting himself.  they’re happy to see him suffering.  his pain is a tool they can use.

- a note re: kakashi, when it comes to this topic - 

i think it’s relevant to remember that kakashi never tells sasuke not to pursue revenge because it’s “wrong” or ethically questionable.  he never delivers any moralizing speeches in the vein of “if you kill someone who victimized you, you’re just as bad as they are.”  kakashi doesn’t think it’s wrong if itachi dies, and if sasuke were in a better state of mind, he probably wouldn’t even mind if sasuke were the one to kill him.  that’s why kakashi is comfortable helping team 10 pursue asuma’s killers, after all - because they’re not unbalanced by rage or making self-destructive decisions; they’re acting with clear heads and pursuing a course of action that needs to be taken anyway (asuma’s murderers are on their way to the leaf to capture naruto - they need to be dealt with regardless).  team 10′s kids can handle that mission - they’re thinking straight.  they’re comfortable accepting adult guidance.  they’re grieving, but they’re okay. 

sasuke is not.  sasuke has been deeply traumatized since he was a very young child, and encouraging his quest for vengeance is equivalent to validating all of the fucked-up thought patterns that are hurting him so badly - that it was his responsibility (as a seven year-old child) to protect his clan, that he was weak and cowardly for running away, that he needs to take itachi down as penance for failing to save his family, that killing itachi is the only way for him to justify his childhood survival, that killing itachi will free him from his pain.  for kakashi to encourage any of these false convictions would be irresponsible and, ultimately, harmful to the child he’s supposed to be looking after.  if sasuke gets his revenge on itachi, he’s just going to be left with the horrifying realization that his pain hasn’t lessened even the slightest bit, except that now he also has to deal with the additional trauma of killing someone he used to love. 

kakashi doesn’t discourage sasuke from revenge because Revenge Is Morally Bad and You Are Morally Bad For Pursuing It; he discourages sasuke from revenge because in this particular case, sasuke’s fixation on revenge is hurting him.  it’s unhealthy for him, and it will cause him worse pain in the future if he allows it to continue driving his life.  sasuke is never going to feel better if he doesn’t stop distracting himself from his pain by focusing solely on vengeance.  if he’s ever going to actually be rescued from his pain, he needs to face (and FEEL!!!) his grief, which is precisely what staying fixated on revenge allows him to avoid.

- relatedly: i just.  am SO sick.  of all these horrible people.  getting their hands on sasuke.  and using him for their own ends.  when he has already been manipulated and victimized all his life.  it makes me wanna SCREAM!!!!  and i know that’s the point; we are supposed to be frustrated by this - but - hrnghghgnh

and like - it’s not like sasuke doesn’t know it’s happening!  he’s not stupid!  he knows the people around him are using him, and he just tries to use them back and play them before they play him, and he accepts that this is what his life is going to look like, and because he survives, he thinks he’s in control, but he has NO IDEA how far over his head he’s in now.  and besides, he never stops to think that maybe his life shouldn’t look like this.  he has no conception of ‘someone should be taking care of me.’  he’s never seen himself as a child who needs protection - he’s never seen himself as a child, period.  it’s why he’s such a brat to the other kids, and it’s why he never calls kakashi ‘sensei.’  he thinks of himself as an adult.  he has adult problems.  he can’t connect to children his own age because he can’t connect to the idea of childhood - his childhood was stolen from him, and with it went any conception of refuge or safety or the fact that relentless self-sufficiency and a constant cycle of using/being used by other people isn’t in fact what his life is supposed to look like.

i am continually infuriated by all of these people who have abdicated their responsibility as adults and chosen to exploit an already exploited kid, one who is too messed up to save himself or let anybody else help him.  none of these people care about him.  they all want to use him for something.  they’re happy he’s in pain, because his pain is what enables them to manipulate him.

the people who DO truly want to help him are the same people he’s desperately trying to avoid.  the only adult sasuke ever had a meaningful and non-manipulative relationship with is the same adult he keeps running away from.  and the only two people his own age who ever actually knew anything about him or cared if he was okay are the two people he keeps pushing away. 

there is, perhaps, a lot to be said about how sasuke continually runs away from the people who actually care about him and instead affiliates himself with people he’ll never have to worry about forming a connection with.  “having too many ties in this world just holds you back” - sure, and having no ties protects you, too.  nobody to love you, nobody to know you, nobody you can ever lose.

[solinposts]

I interrupt my normal programming of posts about movies, TV shows, art, books and everything I love, to tell you this:

If you’re thinking about sharing something about Venezuela, make sure you have all the facts and not just the Government-approved “facts”.

I get it. It’s difficult. The Venezuelan Government controls almost all the media, and those they don’t control are threatened into silence. So when you Google what’s going on, you’ll find yourself thinking we live in the most wonderful place on Earth. 

We don’t.

Here are nuggets of information that can help you understand:

1- No, what happened is not a coup. Guaidó is using our Constitution -articles 233 and 333- against Maduro, showing him that his illegal means to get things done have, finally, backfired. The figure of “interim President” is completely legal, and has been used by the Government before after an actual coup -but they’ve conveniently forgotten about it!

2- No, Maduro wasn’t elected in a "transparent” election. Prior to it, he: moved the date of the event to benefit him, imprisoned / disabled our main candidates, stole the National Assembly’s faculties -which was composed mostly of the Opposition after a massive popular election, and that pissed him off- and gave it to an illegal alternate Assembly appointed by him and his cabinet -which was supposed to change the Constitution, but later became an institution that could act above the law and responding to no one but themselves-, and changed the members of the Supreme Court and the Electoral Council so they were both composed mostly of -you guessed it!- people in line with his ideas.

Oh! And Smartmatic, the company in charge of those “transparent” elections Maduro-loving foreigners love to talk about so much, admitted the numbers given by the Government in favor of the illegal alternate Assembly had been tampered with.

So, what did the Opposition do? Tried to negotiate and to reinstate a more level ground with certain conditions, he refused and went on to do his election anyway. Which, by the way, had the lowest turnout in recent years, since people refused to participate in his sham.

Did he care?

No.

Now, tell me: after all that, would you have voted in that election, considering that glorious landscape?

Probably not. 

3- The Opposition isn’t perfect. They have done really shitty things and let down their own people over and over again. 

Still, today, we are in the hands of people who are completely inept at doing the only thing we pay them to do: care for their own people and managing our resources fairly. Because, remember: we owe them no loyalty. They’re our employees. The people we pay and trust to handle our resources correctly.

If they can’t do their job and people are suffering, dying and fleeing the country on foot, risking their lives in the process... we are just supposed to just...take it until they’re done screwing us over?

Why do we have to bear the people who have been in control of everything for almost 20 years and given away our oil and resources to Cuba, China and Russia?

Guaidó is a young politician. For many, he represents change, and we not only yearn for it, but we need it.

4- The Government relies on an empty ideological war to keep itself going. It’s easier to tell people that, sure, everything can be blamed on the U.S; instead of holding Government officials accountable for corruption, squandering and failure.

The worst part is: foreigners eat it up! They love the Venezuelan Government although they have never set foot in the country and would never give up their comfortable lives to come here.

These are also the same people who are very concerned about our oil and resources going to the U.S, but conveniently forget that:

a- our Government hates the U.S but has no problem receiving their mighty dollars after selling their oil almost exclusively to them -so the U.S already has most of our oil, darlings!

and b- our Government loves to buy allies like Cuba, Russia and China by giving away our oil and resources to them. But I guess being under the thumb of those countries is perfectly Ok. Good Imperialism, right?

5- No, your country isn’t doing worse than us. Yes, every country has violence and poverty, unfortunately. But let me give you a little list of what we’re going through:

- Famine

- A staggering scarcity of food, medicine, and medical supplies -which, by the way, kills patients in hospitals every day

- A high rate of child mortality, like never before

- Illnesses that had been eradicated are coming back

- An inflation rate around 1300000.00 -yes, that many zeroes!- percent 

- Our technology is mostly outdated, and anything new is unaffordable for a regular citizen

- We have one of the most dangerous capitals of the world, and people abandon the streets as soon as the sun comes down, out of fear

- There’s total impunity since our policemen have no resources -or legal ability, thanks to laws passed by Chavez and company- to actually get things done or protect us

- Suicide rates have skyrocketed in the last few years

- Many schools and businesses have closed because they can’t keep up with the inflation

- A large majority of the youth has left the country

... and I’ll stop there, because I could go on, but I think you can get a pretty good picture just from that.

So no. Things might be bad in your country, but if you go into a store you will probably see aisles properly stocked, and you probably don’t live with the crippling fear of getting sick or killed on the streets for that old cellphone that took months to pay. If anything, you can have hope. Which is something we lost a long time ago.

6- My experience is not less important than what you think you know. I’ve lived here for 27 years, and lived under this regime for almost 20 years of my life. I’ve lost friends, family, people I love. I work three jobs. I never have enough money to save and provide for a better life for my family. My grandmother and mother were middle-class women who worked all of their lives, and still, they have nothing left because we’ve had to use our combined savings to survive in the last 6 years.

My mother and I have cell phones, we need them for our jobs, but we don’t take them out with us anywhere because we know we could get killed for it. So when one of us goes out, the other stays at home praying nothing bad will happen to me/her.

We sold our second-hand car because we couldn’t afford to maintain it, so we depend on our feet and pitiful public transportation to get where we need to go.

We’re afraid of getting sick. And I haven’t had a check-up since 2016 -which was paid by my job at the time.

Still, I’ve had to deal with pro-Maduro foreigners since yesterday -like, for example, Boots Riley-, spouting “facts” at me and dismissing my struggle. Because, I guess, I don’t matter.

So, don’t tell me how the statistics you Googled have convinced you that Venezuela is a wonderful paradise and we all love Maduro. Don’t tell me that my experience contradicts what you think you know, so therefore I’m either lying or unimportant. Keep your Venezuelasplaining to yourself, because I have to actually live it.

So. PSA over!

There’s so much more to say, and so many things to consider...But for now, continue with your lives, and please help educate people outside.

We need it.

[longeyelashedtragedy]

Writer ask meme

I was tagged by the flamazing @feedingmyinsomnia​ <333 and i will tag...if you want!... @perfectpiety @amethyst-fox-jv @ayerlind @sitkowski and anyone else who writes who sees this!  but you don’t have to, just feel honored that i tagged you ;)

ao3 name: catmanu!

fandoms: currently writing in the football (as in soccer) rpf fandom, but always have other things on my mind as well.

number of fics: i’ve written SO many in my lifetime and most have never been published anywhere.

fic i spent the most time on: technically “exit right” because it took me like...a year and a half to write it?  in terms of like...period of time spent actively writing it’s definitely “trophy boyfriend.”

fic i spent the least amount of time on: either “fly faster!” which i wrote in like, an hour or “jet ski još čeka” which i wrote over the course of a day.

shortest fic: my shortest standalone fic on ao3 is “the world drowned” at 370 words--my ancient shireen baratheon/rickon stark futurefic 

most hits / most kudos / most comment threads / most bookmarks / highest total word count:  ok im leaving out the drabble collections.  omg without even looking i know this is all gonna be fuckin... “captivated” because i’m The arya/jaqen person on ao3 even now.  let’s see.  most hits: “captivated,” most kudos: “captivated,” most comment threads: “trophy boyfriend,” most bookmarks: “captivated,” highest total word count: “trophy boyfriend.”  sigh

favorite fic i wrote: omg i think i made a post like this recently?   most recently my favorite fics are “trophy boyfriend,” “5.VII.,” “ça c’est ma dope,” “what we do in the élysée,” “victory rain,” “the heat of it all,” “soy loca con mi tigre,” “chief of the armed forces.”  in the past i love all my arya/jaqen stuff so much.  i really do love most of what i’ve written that i posted, but these stand out to me.  oh, and how could i forget-- “modernity towering in front of the sky.” still slaps tbqh

fic i want to rewrite/expand on: everything i’ve written is its own thing.  i don’t usually write things that require a sequel or anything, so there isn’t really anything i can think of?

share a bit of a wip or story idea you’re working on:, ok, so, ahhhh.  i post a lot from my current big ass wip “mare liberum,” but another thing i’m agonizing over is my šluka (šime & luka) longfic “we light up the world.”  i thought it was going to be a fun little jaunt but it’s killing me because there’s not much of a precedent for it and i honestly have no idea how to write the pov.  F in the chat for my pov.  but sigh, i’ll stick a bit of it below; read at your own risk...

Tonight there really is a reason for him to be available and he’s had enough rakija on an empty enough stomach (what was the last thing he ate? How come he can’t remember?) to feel like putting his hand on Luka Modrić’s strong heroic leg and leaning into his face till their noses touched just like on Zadar beach and saying…well, he’s not sure what he’d say.  But he has to pretend he’s sober because Luka is pretty sober and his whole family is here anyway.

Fuck it!  They should have just done the grapes thing!

Šime pulls out his phone and makes Deki a Happy New Year! video instead.  It feels really good to talk to Dejan, even if he can’t talk back.

He gets an idea in the middle of this.  “Hey, look,” he says to his phone.   “Look who’s here with me.  Wait for it…wait for it…HEY…CAPTAIN!”

At least Luka looks happy to see him, and that makes him feel warm all over, warmer than you get from drinking alone.  He turns away from Vanja.  “What’s up?”

“Wanna say hi to Dejan with me?  Say hi, Captain Luka.”

Luka smirks.  “Are you two live?  I don’t want to be in any of your lives.”

Šime clutches his heart.  “Did you hear that, Deki?   Our captain doesn’t like our lajjjjjjvs.  Think we should—mutiny.”

Suddenly Luka’s bony chin lands on Šime’s shoulder.  “Happy New Year!” he yells in Šime’s ear.  Šime doesn’t really mind.  “Are you back in Croatia?  How many times have you bullied Davor this—oh, you’re not live.”  He ruffles Šime’s curls.  Dejan’s not going to be too thrilled about that, but considering he and Šime are both, well, married—and not to each other—Šime figures he can’t reasonably complain about someone else touching his ljubavi’s hair.  And he’ll tell Deki that if he does.  “You should have told me.  I feel stupid.”  He winks.

“Well...you said you didn’t want to be in any of our lajjjjjjvs,” Šime sings.  “So, now you’re not.  See?”  He sticks his tongue out at his video for Deki.  “C’mon, brate, I’ll show you who else is here.”  He moves away from Luka quickly.  Just in case.

He isn’t sure how much time has passed, but he’s definitely helped himself to another drink or two or more than two, and suddenly Luka has appeared next to him.  His hair looks so soft and fluffy and beautiful and Šime just wants--really, really wants to take Luka in his arms and put his nose in his hair and just hold him for a long time.  Rest his head on top of Luka’s head, maybe.  Whisper we’re so lucky to have you.  Please don’t ever retire, play until your bones turn to dust.  Please don’t leave.  

“Hey, do you want a ride home?” Luka asks.  All of a sudden he puts his arm around Šime and Šime pinches his leg pretty hard to make sure this is real.  Luka’s arms are—tricky.  When you first see them, you don’t realize how strong they are.  But when you feel them, you know.  And when one of them is wrapping around your shoulders like a big, heavy snake, you really know.  “I don’t know how you got here, but you shouldn’t get home that way.”

Šime snorts.  “Thanks, Mom.  Since when do you care…I’ve seen you way more drunk than I am right now.”

Luka is playing with the ends of his hair.  Why is Luka playing with the ends of his hair?  He pinches his leg again and it stings a little, but, is he dreaming that he’s pinching himself?  Did someone put something in the rakija?  He stares around the room wildly for a second, wondering who in there’s trying to get him in bed.  “Yeah, but I had people to take care of me, then,” Luka says.  “Even if people was just you and Domo holding my legs.”

“Mmmmm,” Šime agrees, remembering much more about those days than just that.

“But especially you.  You always look out for me when I get like…”  Luka gives him a wet kiss on the forehead and lets go of his shoulders.  “So let us drive you back.”

“Uhhhh.”  Šime stares at Luka till his eyes cross.   Wow, he’s definitely more drunk than he thought he was.  “Okay,” he says.

Sofia is asleep by the time they leave.  Vanja carries her to the car.  Their older two’s eyes are closing as they walk, so Luka holds their hands.  Šime walks a few steps behind them, feeling kind of like the family dog.  It’s not too late to call an Uber, right?.  He really should just call an Uber.  He will, actually.  He pulls out his phone only to realize that making Dejan a video had used up all the battery.

“Go on, sit in the front.  Come on.”  Šime blinks. Vanja is smiling at him. 

“No, that’s...You should sit next to Luka. I’m totally cool with sitting with the kids! They’re all so awesome.”

“They’re all so asleep,” Vanja says. Šime peeks into the car. In the back, Ivano and Ema have already passed out. “Take the front. You’re our guest.”

Šime flops into the passenger seat. He doesn’t want to be rude to Vanja, or make anything even more awkward. But it’s just that up here Luka’s cologne smells so strong and it would be so easy to reach over and just touch him while telling him he still thinks about being a Zadar kid with him just about every week. And he’s so bad at resisting temptation when he’s drunk. Mmmmm, my sinner, Dejan would say sometimes. My beautiful sinful sinner, God, my beautiful perfect—

“Hey, got a playlist?” he asks quickly.  If he gets hard thinking about Deki this won’t get any less weird. “How about some Marice, mariceeeeee--”

“I wish,” Luka says. “But the kids…”  Šime watches how the streetlights light up all the interesting angles of his face.  “Once they’re asleep, you’ll do anything to make sure they stay asleep.  You know how that goes.”  

Šime swallows around the guilty lump that’s suddenly appeared in his throat and he nods.  He keeps his eyes fixed on Luka’s face.  Each time a car’s headlights flash across it, it changes.  Sometimes he looks much younger than he is. And sometimes he looks…older than 34.  Like an eternal captain, like he’ll somehow be Šime’s leader forever even after he retires.

“Luka, stop talking to him,” Vanja says from behind him.  “He looks about as exhausted as the kids.”

“What?  That’s like asking me to stop playing football,” Luka says. “I could never stop talking to Šime.”  And keeping his eyes on the road, he takes one hand off the wheel to rest it on Šime’s leg. “We go way back.  Zadar kids and all.”

Suddenly words are hard.  “We, uhhh—yeah.  It’s not like I knew you back in the day.  We don’t go back that f--that--we…”

“What did I say?” Vanja said.  “Your best right-back’s falling asleep.”

“No, ‘m…’m not, I…”  And Luka is gently squeezing his knee, and--

“Maybe help him get inside,” Vanja is saying.  Šime blinks.  Somehow they’re back at his place and he has no idea how it happened.

“Hey, did I snore?  Did I talk in my sleep or something?”

“Nope,” Vanja says.  “I hate to say it, Šime, but you’re pretty boring when you sleep.”

“Oh?”  He yawns.  What is he, an old man all of a sudden?  A few drinks and this is what happens to him?  “Dejan says I’m cudd--”

“Okayyyy, out,” Luka says.  He’s totally covering up a laugh.  Shit!  “That’s a good idea, Vanja.  I’ll get him inside.  Can’t lose a defender, right?”

Šime says goodnight to Vanja, who now definitely knows he and Deki are fucking, but she’s a pretty chill person, so it really could be worse.  His legs wobble underneath him, and he bumps into the warm hood of the car.

[zinniapetals]

if you're still doing this maybe miyakage (i mean atsumu^^) with 'toothbrush' - DNCE :3

OH ANON !!! how did u know of my secret obsession. but yeah this totally got out of hand and ended up slightly different from what you were expecting. sorry about that!

(AO3)

Morning #172

Miyaawoke to the sound of his pipes groaning as his guest used too much hot water.He stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling until the water shut off. He thenclosed his eyes, counting to ten, when the bathroom door opened, picturing Kageyamaemerging with only a towel wrapped around his waist.

Hewaited with eyes shut as Kageyama retraced the steps he took last night,picking up the strewn clothes around the tiny dorm. Miya opened his eyes afterKageyama left the room, knowing that it’ll only be one more minute until he leftthe apartment. He reached out to the empty space that was quickly losing it’swarmth, and tried to go back to sleep.

Night #1

Hefelt bad for Kageyama who was sitting alone at a volleyball get together hiscollege was having, which happened to be at the same restaurant that Miya’scollege was holding their get together. 

Hedidn’t expect Kageyama to actually converse with him, nor did he expectKageyama to order a beer and give it to Miya, demanding that he’d only speak tohim if he were half as drunk as he was. Miya had a suspicion that Kageyamawasn’t drunk at all, but he downed the drink regardless.  

Heonly meant to tease the younger setter, to lead him on, to mess around a bit,but here was back at his apartment with Kageyama underneath him, moaning andgasping and clawing into his shoulder blades.

Day #96

Miyaran into his university gym fifteen minutes late, already dressed in practiceclothes and huffing hard due to the fact that he nearly sprinted from hisapartment to practice. He waved off his brother’s concern, nodding at a few ofhis fellow second years and rolled his eyes at the senior’s glares. 

Itwasn’t until their third water break when he realized that more than half ofhis teammates were staring at him. He curiously raised his brow at his brother,who scrunched his nose and walked away. 

Iwaizumithen took him to the side, away from prying ears, and asked if was datingKageyama. Miya tilted his head at that question wondering how the hell did thateven cross the spiker’s mind. His senpai pointed to the back of his own shirtand Miya quickly took off his, flipping it to see the last name of his currentfling on the top of the back and his number in the middle.

“I’mnot judging you, don’t worry,” Iwaizumi assured him, patting him on theshoulder. He dropped his hand and brought it to scratch his chin nervously.“Can I ask when- wait no. How did it- ugh forget that… uh, how do I saythis.. Alright, just take care of him ok?”

Miyanarrowed his eyes at the incomplete questions and then settled for a displeasedfrown at the sentimental statement. 

“Don’tworry, Iwaizumi-san,” he said, putting on his shirt again, inside out thistime. “It’s nothing like that, just a little fun." 

WhenMiya got home, he went through his apartment, finding two of Kageyama’s shirts,one sock, one pair of kneepads, and found that his favorite shirt was missing.

Afternoon #228

“Don’t you ever getlonely?” Kageyama asked him, fingers attempting to replace a brush as he combedthrough his messy black hair. He stared right at Miya, the coolness of his gazemaking the elder shiver.

“Why do you ask that?”Miya looked back down at his phone, texting his brother to grab some bread whenhe comes by later.

“Just wondering,”Kageyama said, shrugging as he pushed off the couch.

“Do you?” Miya askedback, avoiding the question.

Kageyama paused; staringat the family portrait Miya had hanging above his tv, brows coming together inconcentration. 

“Yeah,” he breathed out.“Yeah, I do.” 

Afternoon #98 

WhenMiya brought up the incident of from two days ago, Kageyama snorted loudly. Itwas bizarre to see the usual blasé face red from laughing too much. 

"No,the worst part is that Iwaizumi-senpai thought we were dating,” Miyastressed, groaning loudly as he remembered the fatherly look Iwaizumi gave him. 

Kageyamastopped laughing, blinking as he tightened his grip on the blankets around hiships. “Did he say anything else?”

“Justto take care of you,” Miya told him, pursing his lips at the memory.“Which, by the way, is weird right? I’m not the only one that thought thatwas weird right?”

“Anythingelse?” Kageyama asked, eyes searching Miya’s face for anything sign thathe was holding information from him, frowning in disappointment at Miya’sno.  

“Why?" 

Miyawatched Kageyama squirm under the weight of his question and gaze, finallypushing him down as Miya straddled his hips.  

"Ifyou don’t want to tell me, that’s fine,” Miya muttered, running his hands upthe sides of Kageyama’s bare chest. “Just don’t expect anything from meeither.” 

Kageyama’seyes widened and he huffed, reaching out to cup Miya’s face, leaning up for akiss.

"Ifyou say so.”

Afternoon #79 

Twohours of cleaning his apartment and Miya still couldn’t find the other shoethat belonged to Kageyama’s right shoe that was currently residing on top ofhis kitchen table. 

Howin the world does someone just leave with one shoe on? 

Night #333

It’sbeen two weeks without seeing, texting, calling, or even hearing the nameKageyama Tobio. 

Miyaignored the pain that embedded itself into his body at that thought.

Night #24

“Don’tbe so upset” Miya coaxed, trying to open his door with the wrong key. Hisbody swayed with the five shots of tequila, one blackout, and two Jell-O shots.His guest silently fumed behind him as he finally opened the door, and heturned back to look at the other male. “Tobio-chan?" 

”Don’tcall me that,“ Kageyama said, not looking at Miya as he said it.  

"Tobio-chan?”Miya asked, watching as Kageyama tensed and looked away. “Why?" 

"Justdon’t,” he requested, pushing past Miya to get inside.

Miya’sarm shot out, holding the other side of the entrance, barring Kageyama fromentering. “Tell me why or else I won’t let you in.”

“Fine,”Kageyama scowled, stepping away from the entrance. “I’m going home. Idon’t feel good anyways.”

Miyadidn’t stop him as he walked away, pocketing that little tidbit of informationaway. 

Morning #251

“Areyou up yet?" 

Miya’seyes fluttered, opening as the sunlight filtered through his broken blinds. Hekept his back to Kageyama, keeping his breathing pattern the same as when hewas sleeping.  

Hefelt as hand crawl up his back and into his uppercut. 

"Oh,you got a haircut,” Kageyama mumbled, hands pressing down on Miya’scowlick. “Since when?" 

Fourdays ago, Miya answered in his head.

"Ican’t imagine him with this hair. It feels like something only you could pulloff.”

Miyatwitched at that. Kageyama quickly pulled his hand away from the bleached hair,afraid of waking him up.

Kageyama’sphone buzzed against the dresser, vibrating loudly and Kageyama jumped out ofbed to answer it, quickly leaving the room.

Miyaturned on his back, neck itching from where Kageyama touched and mulled overwho the fuck Kageyama could be talking about.

Evening #148

Miya picked up the bagbelonging to Kageyama, stuffed with the clothes he left behind and shoved itinto the younger setter’s arms.

“I want my shirts backas well,” he said, lips tugging down in a frown as Kageyama agreed to bringthem over tomorrow.

Miya watched as Kageyamalifted the bag higher on his shoulder, slightly biting his lip as Kageyama’stoned ass slightly bounced under his tight sweatpants with each step he tookdown the stairs. 

Miya pushed him againstthe wall, biting his plump bottom lip with too much force, groaning at the wayKageyama shuddered against him when he did. What was the point of him givingall of Kageyama’s shit back? Ah, that’s right, he was trying to distancehimself.

Kageyama’s fingerspulled at his hair roughly pushing back, hissing at the sharp pain in his backas the stairwell dug into his back. Any other thoughts flew out the window asKageyama stared at him with those deep blue eyes of his, lust apparent in theway he grinded and gasped against him.

Kageyama left that nightwith Miya’s shirt on, a rubber band, and crescent shaped indents on his hips.

Morning #51 

“Hey.”

Miya grunted into thephone, opening his mouth wider as he brushed the molars in the back.

“Are you busy?”

“Nope,” he mumbled out,spitting the toothpaste residue in the sink and rinsed his mouth with water. 

“I got extra movietickets.”

Miya dabbed at his mouthwith a dry towel, the insinuated question hanging between the two of them. Heremembered the way Kageyama left that morning, tired, satisfied, smiling. 

“Okay.”

Morning # 287

Miya rolled in bed, sickto his stomach at the fight he had Kageyama had yesterday. His phone wasvibrating for the sixth time that morning and like the previous times he let itgo unanswered. 

Was he being incrediblyspoiled? Yes.

Did he have a reason toact bratty? Maybe.

Did Kageyama deservethis treatment? No.

His phone rang for theseventh time and Miya hesitated to answer it, but the image of a tall,well-built, brunet draped over his blushing and stuttering Kageyama caused himto grab his phone and toss it out of his room, hitting the hallway wall. 

Evening #192 

“Yes or no Tobio-kun,”Miya gritted out, hands clenched around the tickets he won in a raffle. “That’sliterally all you have to answer.”

“I’m not sure yet,”Kageyama said, annoyance deep in his voice. “Let’s just settle for this weekendand then if anything comes up then we can cancel.”

“If we are making it forthis weekend, doesn’t that mean it takes precedence over anything else?” Miyawas tempted to stand up from his spot at the table, grabbing his and Kageyama’scoffee cups and dumping it down the sink, demanding that Kageyama leave now. Heexhaled slowly, letting his grip on the tickets loosen and put them on thetable. 

Miya could see the gearsrunning in the other setter’s head as he took in the rumpled state of thetickets. He uncrossed his leg and crossed them again, tugging at the way hisshirt kept raising at the slightest of movements. 

“What if somethingvolleyball related happens?”

“Fine,” Miya reluctantlyagreed, “Only if something volleyball related occurs, then I’ll allow you tochange it.”

Dawn #60

“Black or blue?” Miyaasked, reaching into the bottom drawer of his bathroom cabinet. “One’s softbristles and the other is medium, if it makes a difference.” 

“Ah, black then,”Kageyama murmured, grabbing the medium bristle toothbrush. “Thanks.” 

“Of course,” Miyateased, bumping the younger setter with his shoulder. “Just don’t make it ahabit of brushing your teeth at my place.” 

“Wouldn’t think of it,”Kageyama bit back and Miya laughed at the smarminess of it. 

Afternoon #123 

“Ah, you did it again.”

He looked up at hisbrother, lips twitching at the surprised tone of his voice, despite it notshowing on his face. 

“Did what?”

“Smiled at your phone.”

He looked down at hisphone, another text of Kageyama coming in explaining how his short staturedroommate was getting laid and making it very uncomfortable for the group ofpeople he brought over to help him study. 

“I’m in love,” he joked,rolling his eyes at his brother’s protectiveness. 

“Sure.”

He stuck his tongue outand went back to texting.

Night #362

“I’m in love Osamu.” 

“Obviously.”

He sniffed at the lackof reaction his brother gave, tempted to throw his bag of crackers at his face. 

“A little more surprisewould have been appreciated.”

“Why?” Osamu asked,raising one eyebrow. “I was the one who had to clean, do your laundry, feedyou, and almost bathe you when you were in your depressive funk a month ago.” 

“How did that have to dowith me being in love?”

His brother scoffed,biting into his chips loudly. He chewed slowly, letting the suspense build upas his brother glared at him to hurry up. 

“You only have yourselfto blame.”

“Damn, I knew it was amistake to ask you to come.”

“Hey, I’m your brother,”Osamu said, popping another chip in his mouth. “I’m here to make you realizewhat an idiot you are.”

Morning #164

“Brushing your teeth atmy place I see,” Miya said, leaning against the entrance to the bathroom. 

Kageyama rolled hiseyes, and went back to brushing, looking at Miya expectantly when he stopped. 

“What?”

“Can you go? Kageyamagarbled, the apples of his cheeks dusting with a light pink.

“Tobio-kun. I’ve seen youspit out worse things than toothpaste,” Miya deadpanned.

Kageyama blushedviolently, spitting out his toothpaste and rinsing his mouth fast. He pushedpast Miya when the blond setter stopped him.

“You got a littlesomething there,” he pointed out, thumb coming out to swipe at the toothpasteon the corner of his lip. “Oh, smells minty fresh.” 

“You’re such a jerk.”

“I feel like that’s oneof the least jerkiest thing I’ve ever done,” Miya admitted, barely containinghis laughter at Kageyama’s discomfiture.

Dusk #300

“This is gonna work outright?” Miya asked, much to Kageyama’s surprise.

“What is?” He lazilyasked, rolling over in bed to get a better view of Miya’s face.

“Us.”

“Why wouldn’t it?”

Miya blinked at thestraightforward answer. Yeah. Why wouldn’t it?

Midnight #290

“I’m sorry,” Kageyamamumbled into Miya’s shoulder.

“Don’t be,” Miyastarted, rubbing soothing circles on Kageyama’s back. “It’s my fault.”

“You said you didn’twant to know.”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t think itmattered.”

“You’re a bad liarTobio-kun,” Miya laughed out, the motion causing Kageyama to brush his lipsover his clavicle. “It’s alright.” 

“Yeah?”

Miya hummed and ignoredthe love bite on Kageyama’s neck that he did not make. He ignored his shakyhands as he dug his fingers into the dips of Kageyama’s hipbones. He ignoredthe aching sensation of his heart as he imagined Kageyama in this similarposition with someone else. 

Afternoon #401

“That’s a lot to takein,” Miya truthfully said, moving his spoon in a circular fashion in histeacup. “So I’m a rebound?”

“Of course not,”Kageyama blurted out loudly, stopping Miya from thinking negatively. “Youwanted to know the truth so…”

Kageyama trailed off andMiya sighed loudly. He wanted the truth and now he got it, but that didn’t meanhe had to be happy about it.

“We never made thingsofficial so it’s not like I can be mad at you,” Miya finally said after fiveminutes of silence. He stopped twiddling with his spoon, taking it out of hiscup as he brought it to his mouth, licking the remaining honey on there. “Justto let you know, I never saw anyone else while I was seeing you.”

It was meant to be astab at Kageyama, but the younger setter looked pleased at the information.

“You have a lot of shitleft over at my place, when do you wanna come take it back?”

“O-oh,” Kageyamastuttered, looking down at his own cup of tea. “Is tomorrow fine?” 

“You also have somestuff of mine,” Miya said, and Kageyama nodded slowly.

“Do you want it back?”

“Clearly,” Miya said,rolling his eyes at the obvious question. “But as your boyfriend, I guess I’lllet you keep it.”

“What?”

“And I guess you can keep you shit at my placetoo, but it sucks when your shirts don’t fit me because then I just look likeone of those douchebags that purposely buys shirts too small.”

“I’m- I’m confused,”Kageyama admitted, frowning at the things Miya said. “Aren’t you mad at me?”

“Well, some part of meis pissed off,” Miya answered, looking away from the younger setter as he heldhis hands together, “but its more at myself than anything. I’m pissed that Ididn’t let you get close. I’m also pissed that there were signs all along but Irefused to see. But you’re to blame too.” 

“I know.” 

“So now I’m making itofficial.”

“What?” Kageyama gasped,gawking at Miya’s statement. 

“I’m saying that it’sokay to be a slob and leave your clothes at my place. I’m saying it’s okay tobe honest and upfront with me because I’m definitely not going to do what youthink I’ll do, which by the way I’m a bit hurt that you think I’m thatheartless.” 

Kageyama mumbled out anapology and waited for Miya to say anything else. There was a lot to say to behonest, so much that was kept hidden, so many questions left unanswered, but itdidn’t have to be answered right now. It could wait, they had time.

“Now that that’s over,”he said, getting up and clapped his hands. “This is my first time at yourplace. Let me see your room.” 

Morning #402

Kageyama woke up toHinata’s yelling, frowning at the throbbing and ache he felt in his lockerback. He pulled on his boxers and walked towards the bathroom, lips quirking upat the sight of Miya brushing his teeth with a fluorescent orange toothbrush. 

“Who said you could usemy spare?!” Hinata yelled, hands on his hips in anger. “I’ll let you know thatwas a 300 yen toothbrush I was saving for a special occasion!” 

“And what constitutes anoccasion so special that you’d need a new toothbrush for?” Miya asked in returnafter spitting out the toothpaste. “Oh, hey Tobio-kun. How’re you feeling?”

“You have awful taste inguys,” Hinata hissed, frowning at his long time roommate who simply laughed. 

“Yeah, I know.”

Miya gasped at that,holding his hand above his heart. He passed by Hinata, rubbing the top of hishead like he was a child having a tiny fit. Hinata ducked away from theoffender, sticking his tongue out as he left the apartment.

“Now,” Miya said,pushing Kageyama back into his room, “Let’s continue from where we left offyesterday.”