#so it wasnt even that the council knew it was an accident waiting to happen and didnt do anything

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

one day, im gonna sit down and write a poem about how after adopting a dog who spends 80% of his time sat in my lap, ive come to appreciate how difficult it is to do things without jostling him and how id never appreciated the gentleness of the stranger who had picked me up, held me and carried me home when i tore a chunk of flesh out of my leg at age 9 when i ran into barbed wire playing hide and seek tag, and how a man i didnt know had done everything he could not to jostle me as i clung to him, and just how difficult it must have been for him not to jostle me, and how he didnt need to be that gentle or to help me at all but when he was the first adult a different child could find and ask help from, he didnt hesitate to do everything he could, and how every time im trying to do anything without jostling archie, i think of him, and how anytime some piece of media tries to tell me that computers have figured out humans can only destroy, i cant take it seriously because with nothing to gain from it, he did everything he could to help a child who was hurting.

i just dont know how the fuck to put all of those feelings into coherent words because theres just so much feeling and emotion that goes into it, and because im always more critical of my work when its more optimistic or positive and how that definitely says something all by itself, but i still dont know how to word any of it.

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

FINALLY, ive finished 25% of exile, the second book in the kotlc series. here are some thoughts i had :)

tags: @aylin-hijabi, @that-multi-fandom-hijabi, @tastetherainbow290, @nerdy-girl3791 (im tagging everyone who asked to be tagged in my notes for book one, but lmk if you wanna be tagged too / dont wanna be tagged anymore)

first off, why are second books in a series always the ones that take the most time / are harder to start? ig it could be that we've already established the worldbuilding n main characters, but its still that dragging stage between *where you already know mostly everything in the universe* and *where the climax builds up in anticipation of the "final battle" or the beginning of the third act, usually*. nothing to do w the book itself, just an observation

second off, alicorns are so much more important than being just "another species to save", im sure of it. theres wayyy too much of the council getting involved n talk abt how alicorns are sooo important. to anyone whos read percy jackson it kinda reminds me of the ophiortaurus (bessie) from sea of monsters, who seemed to be a recurring animal side character who turned out to have a lot of significance to the very universe they were in. im expecting smth similar, why else would everyone go to such lengths to ensure alicorns dont go extinct? or maybe im overthinking it lmao but what gives it away is the heckses literally tryna kidnap silveny-

speaking of the heckses, who the fuck tries to steal an alicorn. stinas parents are the whiniest bitches ive ever seen, and im a fifteen year old girl. like cmon ive seen some drama queens over the years, but those two- also, fucking stina. i mentioned before that i hope to see some character development w her, so shes not just the boring one-dimensional mean girl thats prevalent in literally every piece of media thats come out since mean girls w regina george. clearly not yet, tho, but im waiting on it (if it does not happen i will be majorly disappointed)

also, delving into theories now. its kinda far-fetched, but, was brant w the black swan ? i mean, it would add up pretty decently. it would explain why his guilt for jolies death runs so deeply (since grady rlly rlly seems to believe that the black swan killed her) because he would be with the literal organization that killed her. it would also explain reeeeaaaaalllllyyyy well why he recognized sophie. the fact that he knew her was wayy too emphasized to mean nothing. idk JUST A THEORY, its not based off of anything other than it would fit nicely w everything else.

but also if grady is so adamant that it was the black swan, and (hypothetically) brant is w the black swan, then would it be improbable to assume that he killed her? which would explain the guilt even MORE. but then again, he does seem to love her, so that last part is added very tentatively. (maybe he killed her by accident... but then would the note to grady three days before her death just be a coincidence? im sure that has some deeper meaning.)

maybe it wasnt the black swan who sent those notes to grady...

to end on a funnier note: alicorn poop. sophie faceplanted into alicorn poop. it happens to all main characters, it always has to be someone walking in at the worst moment. i thought id be the vackers w keefe who show up n embarass her, but who better than the council to get humiliated in front of ? i dont hate sophie i just laugh at her pain

i think thats all for the 25% mark, im gonna keep reading today. im gonna go to my grandmas house so maybe i can get a couple hundred pages in !!!

[pbandjesse]

Poor James their baseball game got rained out tonight. But their friend Matt is visiting and I'm glad they have a friend here. Even if the sports didn't exactly work out. The game apparently just started, multiple hours late. But it's something.

I had an alright day. I am glad I came home last night. I slept better. And woke up tired but in a good mood. I got to kiss James goodbye. And after I got dressed I headed out to get breakfast.

Even though I left on time it took almost 20 minutes stuck in traffic to get my sandwich. So that was a little frustrating but I still go to camp by 830. And it wasnt a bad drive in. I got a little upset listening to my podcast when someone was mean to someone, but I switched to music and everything was okay.

Olivia was not at camp today. I hope she is alright, she told me she had some stuff happening health wise and with family. Charlotte didn't hear anything so I hope she's alright.

I decided to move the ink plates inside and it worked well. Nothing dried so fast and I was able to handle it all myself. It was a fun day but I was very very overheated. And that made me a little more annoyed and a little less helpful. I had to catch myself and backtrack to help someone when I brushed them off a tiny bit. Felt bad. I always want everyone to have fun but I was basically pouring from an empty cup today.

And a woodlands boy accidently crushed my finger in the printing press and I cursed in front of them which I never do and I felt so bad!! He was super apologetic but really I was fine, just startled. And everyone made such nice work! I was so proud of them. Jorge made his weekly walrus and he was so sweet. He tells me art is his favorite every week and it's just so nice to be appreciated.

Lunch went alright. I decided to waste a few minutes because I knew it wasn't going to come out on time. And took my painting to the office. Heather gave me a big hug and we hung it on the wall. She made a big fuss and it made me really happy. I am glad I could give it to them all and they can enjoy it.

And then I got to get a snowball/snow cone. I miss the truck every week so I was super excited I got it this time. I got pina colada and it was excellent and made me feel a lot better after this horribly hot day.

I still had to wait 15 minutes for lunch. But the vegetarian hot and pasta salad was good and I went and ate it in the pioneer fire ring because I wanted to be alone. I keep getting very very annoyed by the people around me and just need some space so I don't get snappy. Because I can feel myself being snappy. And that's not fair to them, they didn't do anything except be a little annoying.

The afternoon was alright. I was so over printmaking. We ran out of blue and red ink and so we only had some green and my black. Which I will have to replace faster now because I shared. Ah well. The kids were very sweet and we made good work and there were lots of laughs.

And my last two groups were good. But I was a little checked out. The stockade boys were 15 minutes late because the overnight campers had a special ceremony in the council ring. And so I was focused on the sorting task I was doing. And then two people wanted to sew on my machine but I was not set up for that so I had them hand sew instead and everyone else was making bracelets. I am all out of cardboard looms so Laura is going to try to cut some for me to get service hours and I appreciate her a lot for that.

Tipis we're my last campers of the day. And once I got them set up and helped with a project for an award a few of them were going for, they let me sit in my hammock and just watch them. I had not sat it in all day and I was so tired. I was stupid overheated and it was very humid and we had all prepared for rain that never came. I had my rain boots on almost the entire day and I kept slipped on things!! Thankfully didn't fall all the way but still. Scary!! And I really just wanted to go home.

And I would leave early. I got my theme boxes cleaned up and set up what I could for next week's project. I swept. I helped a stockade boy finish hand sewing something he made but hadn't had time to finish. And then locked up and left.

I am always sure I'm going to get in trouble for bouncing but I needed to eat and pick up me and Jess's pottery and I didn't want to be there anymore. I was so tired. Physically and emotionally. Next week will be better. I am going to start packing up the building and things will be clean and better.

I got out of there before the bus left. And I had a good ride out to mt Washington. I got our mugs and they looked so good!! No mistakes in layers in my Sweetp drawing and her cup looked great. I was really pleased.

And then over to chipotle where I got a bowl and ate half while I was there before coming home, trying to beat the storm.

Literally was pulling onto my block when big drops started falling. The sky was very very dark to the one side of the sky and I'm just repeating "please give me 5 minutes" over and over. And it was raining a little but I grabbed my bags and didn't get blown over by the wind. I made it inside in one piece.

I was still to hot up here. But I decided to just. Strip and cool off. I cleaned up the apartment a little. Put things away. And took a shower.

I washed my hair. Forgot I had wanted to do the glaze treatment again, maybe Sunday. And felt a lot better after.

I would catch up on my knitting. Watched the rain storm. Enjoyed my time here alone. Did a few things for the market tomorrow. I need a big restock. I am running low on everything basically. Not exactly low yet but I don't have much back stock. And I still need to do the BMI commission but they haven't given me the go ahead. I see a lot of sewing in my future.

I have spent the night recharging. I am still exhausted. But I will be okay. I hope James and Matt come home soon. I hope they are having fun out there even if it wasn't what they had planned.

Wish me luck at the market tomorrow. It's skate day! I am excited to meet the organizations. And let's hope the rain moves long til late tomorrow night.

Sleep good everyone. Take care of yourself!!

[pbandjesse]

I was very tired and kind of upset when I got home because I was tired. But I feel good now. I got a bath and Ive been hanging out and getting my energy back and that helped my mood. I am still very tired though and it will be good to sleep. I hope its a good sleep. 

Last night was an okay sleep for me. But the night was stressful because there was almost 3 solid hours of people setting off fireworks in the park. And not like the little ones we used to do at home. These were like. Professional pyrotechnics. Like it was super smokey and scary out there. I was very concerned that a fire would spark or something. So even though I dont trust the cops at all, and honestly I think the cops have something to do with it, but I still called 911 to ask that the fire department is aware because they are around the corner. But no one ever came. And then I went out on the fire escape and watched the guy drive away who was doing it. Big white guy in a truck. Pretty clearly someone from the county, very big cop energy. Its been quieter tonight, but yeah last night was scary. 

I sleep alright enough though. I woke up at like 2 and had trouble falling back asleep but when I got up at 730 I felt fine, like yeah I was still tired but I was good. I stretched out and got dressed. My hair needed to be cleaned but I knew today was going to be messy, but I just braided it, gave James some love, and headed out. 

I got Charlotte and it was a nice ride in. I accidently put on her favorite band and that was a cool thing to learn. And today was pretty excellent honestly. 

We got our temperatures checked. And I headed to the art shack. Where I would spend a lot of today. 

The way today worked. But it really started in the Council Ring. We had a brief check in there, I brought bees wax to CJ. And the specialists headed out. The regular day councillors stayed behind. They would go in two groups and run through a days worth of activities to understand what happens at each one and what is expected from them. And that is great for them. 

But my programs wouldnt happen until 230. And it was like. 9am. 

So I had a lot of time. Which honestly was good. I cut paper, and cleaned, and made a poster. I made a little rainbow stick for a talking piece. And eventually once I felt like I was in a good spot I went to visit CJ. Because I heard on the walkie talkies that she got the mini horses and I wanted to meet them!!

And so I went down there. But everything was muddy and I wore sandals today. So I was sliding around a bit, and it is good to know that those sandals do not have enough grip and I really hope the tevas I ordered come quick. Fingers crossed monday. 

But the horses were great. And Cj was so fun. She is so sweet. We hung out for a long time. But it was storming and she doesnt have enough space for storage so I offered some plastic bins I have clearned out. So we went up to the art shack and got those for her. Hung out there for a while. Waited for the rain to calm down a little more before we went back to homestead. The horses were wet. They are both boys and dont like eachother so they kept biting eachothers butts and so we stood in the pen with them and talked and tried to give them some calm. And it maybe worked. 

We had lunch together and then headed out. We had to get some cleaning products and then go get some training. And then it was 215 and I had to book it to the other side of camp to make sure everything was ready for my program. 

And honestly it went really well. My first group was a little late but it was all good. And I think I talked a little to fast but almost all of them participated and painted and it was fun and good. The second group went even better. I am excited. And spending a little more time with the counselors was good. Still dont have all their names down but still a good time. 

I spent some time cleaning everything and resetting. I went to the office and got some questions answered. My last piece of paperwork filled out. Got a general count and age group breakdown for this week. And headed out to clean a bit more and prep for monday. 

I eventually went to give some stuff to Cj, and we went to nature and I got some buckets. I found a frog. And then we just wrapped up for the day. I got my Ymca shirt and a Putok fanny pack which I am super excited about. I embroidered it when I got home after dinner.. But for now it was time to get home. 

Charlotte and a few others got permission to move onto camp tomorrow. So this will be our last ride home for a little while. But it was a good ride and I got her to laugh. But soon enough I was dropping her off and going home. 

I stopped to get fries again. Was just so tired. And then I got home and was upset to find that James didnt turn on the fish tanks. But once I ate I wasnt as upset. 

I embroidered. Played a little animal crossing. And took a very long bath. 

But now James is home and I really want to dry my hair and go to sleep. Tomorrow I have the day off so I am going to clean and go to target. I hope you all also have an excellent day and stay safe. Goodnight!