#so it feels like another tick on ‘it’s probably adhd or autism or both’

[victory-cookies]

add another tally to ‘genetic potential for having adhd’ boys. first tick being the fact that my grandfather has it. Second one being that. well I don’t know what my dad has going on but it’s something. Third one being that my sister’s therapist just told her she may have adhd

[johannestevans]

An Ao3 conversation about portraying Theo’s autism in Heart of Stone.

MY TIP JAR           BUY HEART OF STONE

Just thought I’d post this here as well as on Ao3, as I imagine it will be of interest to some people!

cmt015 commented:

Hello,

I just saw your reply, and even though the story is finished and you are well past chapter 4, I wanted to reply to this thread. I didn't say it in my original comment, but I am a cis female diagnosed with autism (high functioning, so formally diagnosed as asperger's.)

Part of the reason I was surprised that you had Theo lie is because autistic people are stereotypically known to be truthful and/or blunt, and confused by dishonesty. That is not true in my case, however. I am quite good at masking, to the point that people to whom I tell my diagnosis are surprised and doubtful of its validity, and I can very much tell a lie, or obfuscate. So don't mistake me; I am not critical of your decision to give Theo higher-functioning masking skills, but I was surprised that you did not follow the typical autistic symptoms to the letter. I found Theo to be much more relatable than most other fictional depictions of autistic characters, because he did not display many of the obvious tells of most autistic people, like stimming and conspicuous communication difficulties. You crafted a more subtle depiction of autism. I know this question is very broad, but I cannot think of another way to phrase it: how did you decide upon how to depict Theo's autism? What research led you to depict him the way in which you did? Are there autistic people in your life from whom you took inspiration? It seems to me it is somewhat rare for neuro-typical authors to write autistic characters, so what prompted you to depict an autistic character? I think you wrote (somewhere, I cannot recall) that you are ADHD but not autistic.

Also, it occurred to me after writing this that you never confirmed that Theophilus was the autistic character; if I am wrong and you intended for another character to be autistic, then I will be very confused, and slightly embarrassed!

Anyways, since you have finished this story at the time I am writing this, I want to say that I enjoyed this story very much, and I was eagerly reading each of the updates as they were released.

My response:

Honestly, there's a few things that go into it - I'm ADHD, and while I'm not on the autistic spectrum myself, there's definitely elements to the autistic experience that I share in common as someone with ADHD - hyperfixations tend to be shared between us; focus issues; sensitivity to certain sounds, textures, and other stimuli; and also difficulty with some social cues. There's definitely other things that are shared in common with those experiences (and that's not thinking about a lot of people who are ADHD and autistic), but like, those are definitely the ones I thought of most - because I sometimes find it quite difficult to get on with NT people, I would say the vast majority of my social circle is made up of other people with ADHD, and autistics. Not because I'm trying to like, exclude NTs? Just that, you know, autistic and ADHD people are just easier to vibe with, because I think we tend to share a framework of processing stimuli and information, and therefore communicating.

So that's definitely a big element to it, just having a lot of friends who're autistic and thinking about that, but I think a big thing I wanted to do with Theo was to kind of... emphasise the differences between how he and Henry process the world around them, but also the similarities - both Henry and Theo are actually quite inquisitive people who ultimately, I would say, are defined by their love for humanity? Theo meets someone and immediately feels the need to draw them or sketch them; he's utterly obsessed with the ways people move, talk, express themselves, the clothes they wear, the work they do, and in contrast, Henry meets someone and immediately wants to know everything about them that they might be willing to reveal - he asks dozens upon dozens of questions, he tries to extrapolate more about them based off those questions, etc. So they're coming at it from different angles, informed by the way they think from the POV of ADHD and autism respectively, but the core of the passion is the same.

I think that Theo struggles a lot with a lot of social interactions, and takes quite a long time to warm up to someone - especially because I think consistency is a big part of that, and the fact that Henry is so incredibly consistent in his style of communication, as frank and blunt (and loud) as it is, is a big part of why they engage so well with one another; I also think that eye contact is something that doesn't come to him naturally, and that's not something he really feels is a problem from his own perspective, but contributes to a lot of people struggling to connect with him. I guess part of the subtlety in my portrayal, if you want to call it that, is that a lot of Theo's autism is being written from his own experience rather than from outside perspectives, and the only person that is commenting from the outside is Henry, who is coming from an ADHD POV.

In regards to stimming etc, I definitely feel there are some textural elements Theo probably leans into - there's his fingers constantly tapping (which I imagine he does quite hard at times, so there's a pleasant percussive pressure against his fingers), but I do feel like he'd get a lot of satisfaction out of certain textural things. Thinking about Theo getting a beard is a nice one because I can imagine him stroking his beard a lot because of the texture of the hair, coarse and rough and dragging over his skin and stuff, and so on.

I do definitely feel like there's some elements to Henry and especially Theo's portrayal that were informed by the 18th century period - obviously, there's not gonna be a diagnosis of anything for either of them, so instead the way they experience the world just seems, in their eyes, to be part and parcel of the way they experience life, and there's no reason to think that there's something "wrong" with them, or even anything particularly different between their experiences and the experiences of anyone, beyond the basic differences between individuals. I think that's part of why it's so much easier for him to mask? I wrote a short story called In Perpetuity, which is from Marcellus and Genesius' POV in the 21st century, and talks a LOT about how as vampires they're really struggling with overstimulation from electronics, low-frequency sounds, etc etc, and I definitely think Henry and Theo are gonna experience a lot of that as the decades tick past, you know - I do think there are specific struggles and benefits that we get from, for example, electronics, public transport, the internet, etc etc, that Henry and Theo are going without in this story, and they might come into more later on.

Like, Henry would adore a fidget spinner, Theo would no doubt be delighted with certain sensory stim toys, but also like... I think Theo especially would struggle a lot with constant stimulation from screens and noise in public places, from bright lights in stores and certain restaurants, and so on, and I think they'd both be really sensitive to those awful high-pitched hums you get from some electronics (like fridges), and I think those would contribute more to him being a bit shut down in the 21st century, whereas overstim is... not non-existent, but not quite as overpowering in the 1700s.

Sorry for the massive essay! I just have a lot of thoughts on this subject, haha. Thanks so much for your comment, and I'm really glad you've enjoyed Heart of Stone! <3

[momoyomaki]

Could Five realistically be autistic based solely on what we see on the show?

I stumbled across the theory that Five is autistic, and as someone with autism I find that very interesting. I’m not yet convinced he does have autism, but I’m not convinced he doesn’t either.

So let’s take this apart. :cracks knuckles:

First off, a couple things to keep in mind:

-No two autistic people are exactly the same.

-I am drawing on my own experience living with autism, and what I’ve witnessed from my sister and the kids I work with.

-Disabilities that affect the brain overlap. Many different things can affect the same areas of the brain, and we just categorize things for ease of assigning coping mechanisms. For example, if you were to take a brain scan of my brother who has PTSD, my sister who has brain damage from childhood trauma, and myself with autism, the scans would look very similar.

-Whether or not Five has autism, he most definitely has PTSD.

-Please chime in with your own theories and experiences, I’d love to open this TED talk up.

Ok here we go:

Klaus calls Five addicted to the apocalypse and he’s not wrong. Through an autistic lens, obsessing and hyper-fixating is like our bread and butter. My hyper-fixations have driven me to all sorts of extremes, like staying up for 24 hours, and giving myself heatstroke by hyper-fixating while outside. Whether Five is autistic or not he can obviously relate. His obsession with stopping the apocalypse drives him for 40+ years. He carries an eyeball around the entire time. His fixation on returning to his family keeps him going through his career as a hitman, something he makes clear he didn’t enjoy. On that note, he spent an episode walking around with a goddamn bullet wound. Talk about mind over matter, and also another tick in the hyper-fixation column. Again, when he checks on Klaus after he time travels to the Vietnam War, he’s clearly concerned for him, but gets sidetracked once again by his need to stop the apocalypse. Which is honestly valid, I mean, it’s the apocalypse.

Dolores. Anybody whose seen a decent therapist will probably have been told “yeah I know it sounds crazy, but try talking to yourself.” Being your own sounding board is a very healthy thing believe it or not, and Five uses Dolores for this purpose. Those with autism in my experience have crazy good imaginations. If I try hard enough I can fabricate fake memories to the point where I can’t quite remember it’s not true. I think this has a lot to do with the way autism thinks in pictures. Imaginary friend anyone? So Five finding Dolores and talking with her as if she were real for so long that he actually sees and hears her as a person? Totally believable and something I could see having happened to myself under the right circumstances. That being said, I feel he’s probably perfectly aware that she is, in fact, a mannequin. Dolores can be seen as a sign of Five having snapped or as a brilliant way of keeping his sanity while isolated for decades.

Coffee. Five’s caffeine addiction is probably not related to autism in anyway whatsoever, but boy can I relate. Coffee is my holy grail because it calms my personal blend of brain chemicals down enough for me to focus on things like driving. Of course that’s my ADHD talking. It’s not uncommon for those with autism to also have ADHD, but that’s a whole other post. So let’s just say Five’s relatable and leave it at that.

Sarcasm and Snark. Possibly the most common coping mechanism ever for any problem in existence. Probably just a part of Five’s glorious personality, but let’s say he developed it the way I did. As a way of taking on the world, sarcasm makes everything more bearable. It’s also a form of humor and nothing is as good as humor to cover social missteps. It takes you from being a weird outcast to being the Funny/Sarcastic Friend™️.

Five and routine. The first thing Five does when returning to the past is make his signature sandwich. Here he is, back with his family after all this time, and he doesn’t allow himself to bask in that, because the count down to the apocalypse has started. There’s no way he isn’t thrown off though, come on. 13 years old again with his family alive. When feeling shaken, most people with autism will absolutely fall back into routines even if they’re old ones. And who wants to bet he drove past at least one other perfectly serviceable shop with coffee on his way to Griddy’s and ignored them in favour of familiarity? And of course he works to get Dolores back right off the bat. When upset over the lab getting blown up he returns to what we can assume was home during the apocalypse; the library.

Five and his ability to take people at face value despite his overactive paranoia. From my experience working with those with autism, autistic people are some of the most forgiving people you will ever meet. This doesn’t have to come from a place of kindness. It’s more our black and white nature. Something used to be this way, and now it’s that way. We tend to just accept it where others might have a million questions. This goes hand in hand with our people sense. Oh we suck at reading social cues, but our instincts in regards to a persons trustworthiness are generally bang on. You see this in Five’s chat with Hazel. He doesn’t seem to have a problem buying what Hazel’s selling. Same with Klaus, who he acknowledges more then his other siblings even if it’s in a snarky manner. (He didn’t shoot Klaus down when he talked about conjuring their dad unlike Luther, and despite his angry reaction he took Klaus’ point about being addicted to the apocalypse seriously.) He gets angry when Vanya doesn’t believe him about the apocalypse but when it becomes clear that her disbelief is not malicious he doesn’t take it out on her. In contrast he doesn’t buy the Handler’s bullshit. To sum it up, Five is a practical people person, with good instincts but an outdated copy of Social Cues for Dummies. Is this autism or an effect of 40+ years alone? Both?

Five, the pragmatist. As the Handler says, Five is a first rate pragmatist which fits how a lot of those on the spectrum are very blunt, black and white thinkers. Where my family can debate politics for hours, my opinion is always the straightest path to whatever outcome I’m arguing for.

Five and clothes. Those on the spectrum tend to be hypersensitive, and clothing can be a Thing™️ for us. Certain materials feel like they're made of needles as opposed to just itchy, jeans are too tight, turtlenecks feel like a noose, etc. This is common, but sometimes it’s less about comfy sweatpants and more about familiarity. I have an undercut and if I don’t have time to get it shaved at the usual point, I get panicky. My hair feels slightly different, it looks slightly different, and it all just doesn't feel right. Five grew up wearing the academy uniform, and while he didn’t have the luxury of a suit and tie in the apocalypse, wearing a suit was clearly important to him during his time with the Commission. Even the Handler took notice, and gifted him a suit. And the second thing he does after making a sandwich in the past is find a suit that fits him. Ok, he didn’t have any options, but he didn’t have to wear the whole outfit. He could have mixed and matched. He could have stolen something from the department store. But no, he’s got to wear a suit jacket and tie. He even grabbed his tie off the guy he strangled at Griddy’s before he took care of the last dude. (Badass power move btw.) So I find it believable that the uniform was partially about appearances and partially about Five’s comfort zone, physically speaking.

(But wait, I hear you say, how can you throw in hypersensitivity when back up this post you claimed Five could have ignored his bullet wound via hyper-fixation? Here’s the thing, hyper-fixation basically mutes the notifications our bodies send us. We can be uncontrollably hypersensitive and still not clue into our bodies screaming at us while we fixate on something. But boy, we sure notice when we snap out of it.)

Five is all or nothing, ride or die. Oh boy is he ever. And most autistic people are too. We put our all into everything we do. Doesn’t always translate to doing it well, but we definitely give it our all. (In fact, we tend to over do things and need some serious recouping time after.) This can cover things already in the hyper-fixation section, like his obsession with the apocalypse. But going all in for something is different from the magnetic pull of hyper-fixation. It’s a conscious decision for one thing. The biggest example for Five is his commitment to his family. The Hargreeves are a dysfunctional family, and Five didn’t escape this by jumping to the future. He’s hardly the perfect brother but he’s the most invested in his siblings nonetheless. He became a killer for them, threw morals out the window for the slim chance he might be able to save them. And as is established pretty quickly, he put his all into being a hitman, becoming the best there ever was. That fight scene in the diner speaks for itself. And slicing up his own arm to get at the tracker? Well, it’s pretty clear that when Five commits to something he doesn’t mess around.

Five and math. Here we hit a stereotype about autistic people and their ‘special interests.’ Yeah, it’s really common, but what most people don’t know is that the majority of those on the spectrum are not math geniuses, or geniuses of any other kind. My sister’s ‘special interest’ is still relatively useful, being science, but she’s not a genius. Mine is ‘stories.’ Books, movies, theatre, music, etc. I can devour fiction forever. It’s basically useless to society though, because I’m picky af. But okay, Five fits the stereotype and is a math genius, or at least where it applies to time travel. We see this in the flashback already. Ok, time travelling didn’t work out as he’d hoped, but he managed it at 13 when even Reginald didn’t think he could. This makes me think that his tendency to spend hours working out equations didn’t start in the apocalypse.

Does Five stim? If so, we don’t really see it. That doesn’t rule out autism though, because, well, it’s a spectrum. I only stimmed as a toddler. Some people don’t stim at all.

Vanya. Another theory I’ve seen thrown around is that Vanya is autistic. I’m not going to address that here, but I do want to say that if she is, that wouldn't affect whether or not Five is autistic. Autism is not personality after all, and they are very different people. Again, autism is a spectrum and nobody displays all the same traits. If you’re thinking it would be unrealistic for Reginald. To have adopted two kids with autism, think again. That one autistic sister of mine? Adopted as a baby before we had any idea that she was a mini me.

Five doesn’t appear obviously autistic. What most people don’t realize is that autism is at the end of the day an invisible disability. Most people will know someone at some point on the spectrum and never even realize it. Because sure, sometimes you’ll see us rocking under the table or otherwise displaying what movies have stereotyped as autistic behaviour, but most of the time you won’t notice. We’re the slightly overly bright cashier at Walmart, the quiet bookworm at school, your favourite author that writes emotions so well, the person at comic con who can recite their favourite movie line for line, that kid that gets along best with those older or younger then them. If Five is autistic we may never know, because he’s perfectly functional, but that's hardly and argument against autism either.

And finally; people relate. Nobody knows autism better then those with autism themselves, so I’m inclined to take all the posts I’ve seen about Autistic!Five as a pretty big point on the autism column.

To summarize; none of these points taken alone indicate autism, but together well.... it’s an option at least.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, I will now open the stage to audience input before this monster grows any longer.

[sleepyskjolle]

PHARMA (Michael Myers x OC) // Chapter 01

A/N: So, I'm VERY new to writing fanfiction (although I've done a decent amount of RP-ing), so please be gentle with me - u -

I also wanted to make a point to not add any specific physical descriptors to our protagonist, June, so that she can be whatever you want her to be! So I suppose the story is kind of a mix between self-insert, original character, and x reader! Please feel free to tell me what you think! o u o

Summary: For June, any job was better than fast food. That of course included being hired as the specialized aide for Haddonfield's most prolific serial killer.

Set Pre-Halloween (2018)

November 21, 2017 Smith's Grove Sanitarium. Warren County, IL.

The walls of the office June sat in were just as stained and grungy as they were the first time she entered almost two weeks prior. She waited once again to see the head psychiatrist of this institution. The same institution that had loomed on the edges of her suburban hometown since the early 20th century.

Her fingers rubbed against each other in a simple pattern as she tried to calm the nervousness that was lapping at the edges of her consciousness. The ticking of the clock served as a melody for her fidgeting and it was starting to feel like she'd been waiting there an hour, although she knew that wasn't the case.

When the door finally did open, June turned to greet the doctor, a smile only crafted by years of customer service flashing.

"Good morning, Dr. Sartain, I'm sorry I'm a little early. I hope it's not a problem or anything." Apologizing for literally anything was another trait that had been beaten into the girl during her early years of employment.

The doctor just smiled back and physically waved her apology away. "There is no need for that, Ms. Jones. Promptness is a sign of a dedicated worker, and you are going to need dedication for the position you've been hired for." The small man makes his way around the desk and lowers into the well-used chair, immediately leaning onto his elbows to look at her more closely. His eyes are still kind, but his demeanor turns very serious very quickly. "You read the entire packet I gave you, correct? And the files?"

"Yes sir. I read over both pretty thoroughly, but I don't think I have any serious questions." Her fingers itched to fiddle again so she decided to clutch at the seam of her straight-out-of-the-package scrub top to quell the urge.

Dr. Sartain gave her a slightly incredulous look, pausing for a tense moment before speaking again. "And you are absolutely positive, Ms. Jones, that you want to take this job?"

June understood why he felt the need to ask. In retrospect, this was a dangerous thing, what she had signed up for. She didn't quite realize that when she signed the contracts that make it so the institute isn't liable if you get hurt. It became pretty clear though, when she had to go through a week of training and was told enough stories and shown enough scars to scare most anybody away. She learned a lot of ways to be safe though, and multiple ways to get away, as nobody was allowed to even detain the residents except for the guards, who usually sat half a compound away in their station. You weren't allowed to hurt a resident, even to protect yourself.

"Yes sir. I... I'm not afraid."

The doctor's intense demeanor switched off like a light and suddenly he was smiling warmly at her again and leaning back in his seat. "Good. You came at a good time too... He's been without an aide for a few weeks now at this point. Not that he necessarily NEEDS an aid, but most everyone that works here refuses to give him even decent care. At least in my professional opinion...” The doctor’s face betrays a slight bit of disdain for a split second “And, as I've explained to you previously, your position is sort of a last ditch effort to rehabilitate Michael."

Sartain coughs into his hand then begins to rise back up, using the desk for assistance.

"Come. It's time to introduce you to the nurses. Afterwards, we will let you meet your charge."

June follows the doctor without a word, nervous and a little bit excited, which always comes with a new job. She hoped the other orderlies liked her, naturally, but she was more worried about Michael. The doctor, and even the ones in charge of training, explained extensively just how many aides Michael had already gone through. Many either quitting suddenly and unexpectedly and the others being fired after a month or more of Mr. Myers showing no significant change. Apparently, Sartain had realized that he wouldn't be able to get through to Michael due to his distrust in doctors, or at least he assumed that was why. He petitioned to have this position made in an effort to find someone Michael could trust. So far, no luck.

Would she be any different?

The trek to the nurse's station was mostly uneventful, other than the intense security check they had to go through just past the doctor's office, at the entrance to the ward. Sartain assured her it would be swifter once she was given her clearance card but June knew that it was important that the residents weren't given access to anything that they could use to harm themselves or others. At Smith's Grove, careful was an understatement.

Most of the nurses were older and gave the girl just a side glance before returning to their work. The ones closer to her age, and a male guard that was chatting and flirting with a younger employee, greeted her with big smiles. There were too many names to remember immediately but the nametags would help.

One CNA, a younger guy named Nate, shook her hand and wished her luck. After that, it was like everyone remembered just why she was there. She mumbled a quick "thank you" as Sartain began to lead her further down the hall, watching the concerned eyes follow her until she was out of sight.

Dr. Sartain pulled her back from the distraction with his thick accent, "Michael should be in the cafeteria by this point, eating breakfast. This will be a good time to introduce you, while there are guards watching. Just in case, you see."

The ward was sort of maze-like, but there were signs indicating the cafeteria was close. The rusty looking red doors came into view and Sartain asked if she had the itinerary on hand. June's fingers slipped into her pocket in search of the folded paper, just to make sure.

"Yeah. Yeah, I've got it." They pause just outside the doors and he points through the rectangular window at an old man sitting alone in the middle of the large room. There were plenty of other residents already up and scarfing down their breakfasts but there was a wide berth around the one they were watching. The man, who had to be Michael, was staring out the nearest window. His breakfast sandwich sat half-eaten in his grip.

June's gaze breaks to look for some bit of affirmation on the doctor's face, her arms crossed to prevent her fingers from worrying her scrubs into oblivion. "Do you think he'll like me?"

"Hm... Well, judging by past trials, it's likely he won't take to anyone. But... it's possible, Ms. Jones. No one really knows what's going on in that grey head of his. No one ever has." His eyes turn back to Michael before hers. "Look. He knows."

Her attention snaps back to the old man in the cafeteria and he is glaring at her. From this angle, she can see the dead eye and the scars around it, just like she read in the file. The look he is giving her is curious and intense and it takes a moment before June comes to her senses and flashes a smile, raising a hand to wave at him. His head cocks to the side slightly before he turns back to his sandwich.

"That's a good sign, Ms. Jones. You haven't sparked his ire yet, at least. Let's test the waters..."

The door doesn't make much noise but as soon as they step in the room, all eyes are on the two of them. All except for Michael, who is suddenly engrossed in the last few bites of sandwich he's holding.

They have to skirt around a few of the guys that are sitting in the aisle but there is barely any movement going on in the room so it was easy enough. The two finally halt just in front of the table Michael is sitting at. Moments pass and he still isn't giving any sign that he even knows they are there. And she knows he does.

There is no change, even as Dr. Sartain begins to address him. "Good morning, Michael. There is someone I would very much like to introduce you to. Do you think perhaps you could take a break to meet her?"

Silence. The scrape of a plastic spork against cheap foam and a bite of apple makes its way to the old man's mouth. Soon it feels a little bit like his chewing is the only sound in the room.

June glances around and catches the guards looking their way. They must be used to this.. The silence swiftly becomes deafening and she feels like she needs to break it.

"My name's Juniper."

The strong jaw that was making easy work of that apple stops in place. She can see the muscles and tendons tense beneath the skin. Even Sartain is watching her now. "I usually go by June, though..."

She throws her foot over the bench and slides into the seat in front of him. There was no going back now. June is a foot away from the deadliest serial killer to ever grace the beautiful state of Illinois and her biggest worry is if he'll like her. Probably another product of employment in the fast food industry.

"I'm your new aide and I would really appreciate if you could maybe write down the things that you do and don't want me to do. I have ADHD and sometimes its really hard for me to remember things if I don't have a list. My uh… my little brother has autism too and sometimes he doesn't like being touched and sometimes he does. So if there is anything like that for you, I want to know. It's really nice to finally meet you, y'know!"

His head doesn't move even a millimeter but slowly his eyes rove over to the girl, although only one of them displayed any awareness. She's having problems deciphering how he feels about her just through his gaze, but June continues to smile at him, awaiting a response. Or anything really.

Eventually it comes. Although it arrives in the form of Michael standing and picking up his trash before turning on his heel and walking to the exit, throwing away the garbage, and leaving without a word.

When he's out the door, every bated breath in the cafeteria releases at once and suddenly it's as if nothing ever happened. She takes a moment to scan the room in awe before turning to face the doctor again. He's looking at her in a similar manner to how she was purveying the room, like something out of the ordinary just happened. June wonders if that was the wrong thing to do and she fucked up her chances at keeping this job but her worries melt away when his visage of confusion shifts to one of approval.

"Very good, Ms. Jones. You know, you may just be the right person for the job. Let's go fetch your clearance card and nametag and then we'll throw you back into the ring after lunch.”

“C-cool!” She knew how unprofessional the word was even as it slipped past her lips and the girl mentally berated herself for it as she unwove her legs from the bench. This wasn’t fast food anymore. This was the big leagues. Like, the “$20,000 more a year” leagues.

Her new employer simply gave a small chuckle, setting her at ease again.

“Yes, Ms. Jones. VERY cool.”

_________________________

June was allowed to watch the hustle and bustle of the residents during the period between breakfast and lunch from the nurse’s station. Nate, when not checking on his assigned residents, sat close to her and made small talk.

They were near the same age and she had remembered seeing him in passing during her junior and senior years. They bonded over making fun of old classmates and teachers. Even as they chatted, her eyes were always on the lookout for HER resident. She hadn’t caught sight of him since their meeting in the cafeteria and she wondered if he was avoiding her on purpose. Nate seemed to pick up on this and their talk shifted.

“He’s always like this at first, so don’t worry too much about it.” It was nice that he was trying to reassure her, at least.

She notices that her fingers are fidgety again and wonders just how long they’d been doing that. It takes a few seconds for her to debate whether she should voice what she’s really thinking.

“Is he really all that bad? I mean… I know about the babysitter murders. Trick-or-treating has been basically illegal in Haddonfield until just a few years ago. We ALL heard the stories about the boogeyman growing up. But since then?”

Another pause while Nate parses out his response. “Well… I haven’t ever seen him like that. But some of his previous aides got really freaked out and quit all of a sudden. And Nettie,” he nods his head towards an older nurse doing paperwork in the small office across the hall, “she’s told us all some pretty crazy stories from back in the day. Said he used to be really dangerous. But I’ve never even seen a resident give him a mean look. They simply don’t mess with him. It’s kind of crazy, really…”

June isn’t sure how to respond. Dr. Sartain had assured her that Michael hadn’t hurt anyone in “quite a while”. He said they had even brought in cats to spend the night with him a few times and every single kitty came out of the room in the morning just as it had been the evening before. Before she musters up another query, Nate stands up from his chair and scoots it back under the desk.

“Hey, I gotta go real quick. It’s lunchtime and they’ll get rowdy if we don’t start rounding em up.” He turns to another employee that had been reading on the other side of the station. “Cass. Hey Cass. It’s time for lunch.”

The other girl, Cass, rolls her eyes as she slides her bookmark back into the tacky romance novel she was halfway through. She grumbles an audible, “this’ll be fun,” before picking up a clipboard and pen and pushing past June on her way out of the nurse’s station. Nate shoots her an apologetic look before grabbing his clipboard and leaving her there alone.

She can hear them shouting “LUNCHTIME” down the halls and all of a sudden, doors are slammed open and then the passageways are stampeded with the footfalls of eager, hungry men. Many of them take the time to ogle the new blood a bit on their way but it’s obvious that most of them are more focused on their bellies because none of them bother for too long.

June herself is pulling out the package of tuna and crackers she had brought for her own lunch as the last stragglers file through. Her thumb gets caught on the lip of the plastic as she tries to open it and the ensuing cut is little, but a drop of blood begins to form from the slit. Out of instinct, she mumbles “shit” and brings it to her mouth. Her tongue is putting pressure on the little wound and the sharp pain is starting to fade when something tall looms just in her peripheral.

Her eyes jolt upwards to see him standing still as death in the hallway, still facing towards the route to the dining hall. His head is ever so slightly tilted in her direction, his good eye flickering between her own eyes and the finger still suckled in her mouth.

Within a millisecond June’s thumb is retracted and she gives Michael a smile and a nervous wave with her other hand.

“H-hey! I hope you have a good lunch!” She begins to explain herself, “I just, uh… I cut my finger on accident and I…”

He doesn’t let the girl finish her rambling, turning his head back and continuing on his trek towards his lunch like she wasn’t talking at all.

He gets to the end of the hall and turns the corner before her mind finds itself again. “Uh, okay… rude…” Maybe he just needed time to warm up to her, just like Nate said.

June’s eye catches the offending tuna package once more and then her attention is turned back to how hungry she is. And Lord knows with her new “friend”, she may need the strength in the coming hours.

_________________________

After lunch, Dr. Sartain fetches her again, to ferry her to Michael for the last time. After this, she would be on her own. June doesn’t bring up what happened at the nurse’s station.

She waits just beside the doctor as they walk up to him in the common room. He’s standing and looking out one of the many large windows that line one wall of the decently large room.

“Michael, June is here to see you again. She’ll be with you the rest of the afternoon, so you must be on your best behavior so you don’t scare her off.” The old man continues to stare out the window and gives no indication that he’s even heard the doctor speak. Sartain turns to her and whispers “good luck” before making his exit.

It takes a couple of minutes for June to make her way up to the window, near Michael, but far enough away as to not make him uncomfortable. She sneaks a few glances at the tall man and also tries to pinpoint just what it is he’s watching. They are on the third floor and the view spans a pretty wide area, even overlooking the parking lot. A few people are coming and going, mostly what looks like employees and the others most likely visitors. His eye follows one and then moves on to the next person. And then the next. ‘Ah. So he’s peoplewatching,’ June thinks to herself.

A few minutes of watching with him and she notices just how quiet the man is. Barely exuding a sound besides the rhythmic breaths that accompanies most humans. He really is a mystery.

Not really knowing what to say, she lets almost half an hour pass in silence before her legs begin to ache from standing still for so long. June moves to sit in the chair just on the other side of Michael and she grabs a magazine from a nearby side table to flip through. She doesn’t want to push Michael too much and is sure just letting him get used to her presence is the correct way to go about it, at least for the first day or so. Some of the other men in the room begin to whisper to each other. After awhile, she peeks over the top of the Good Housekeeping in her hands to see a few younger looking guys watching her and talking amongst themselves. Within ten minutes, they are standing close enough to speak to her but still not incredibly close. She sees them nervously eyeing Michael, who hasn’t moved a centimeter.

Maybe she should say hi? That’s polite, right?

“Hey, what’s up? You guys need something? I can go get a CNA...”

One of the boys, the one that seems to be the leader, steps just a tiny bit closer, eyes moving from her to Michael. Then from Michael to her.

“Nah, we’re good, miss. We just wanted to meet you. My name’s Russ. We just don’t get many new people around h-here.”

One of the other two men, who looks to be a bit older, is flashing her a weird smile. He nudges his way up so he’s standing beside Russ instead of behind. “We definitely don’t get many pretty girls like you.”

Russ jabs his elbow into the other man’s side and June isn’t really sure how to respond. “Oh, um… Thank you?”

Russ opens his mouth to say something else but the younger guy cowering behind him gets his attention and points behind her. June turns to look as well and it seems Michael has turned his head in their direction and is glaring at the boys. The flirty guy curses under his breath and Russ, who looks absolutely terrified, starts backing up. “S-sorry for bothering you… sorry…”

They abscond without another word and huddle around a small table in the opposite corner of the room, looking back at her direction every now and then. She moves to glance back at her charge and their eyes meet.

Silence. Then he’s looking out the window again, ignoring that she’s even there.

So she goes back to reading the interview with Jaime Lee Curtis she was engrossed in when they were approached. She couldn’t help but to sing that digestive yogurt jingle in her head.

A couple of hours pass by uneventfully and by 3 o’clock she’s read every article in every magazine in a five foot radius. June’s eyes are a little sore from the reading and she wonders just how Michael can stand in the same spot like that for that long. When she stands, one of her hands moves to settle against his shoulder. Just a small gesture to get his attention. The muscles beneath her hand tense just slightly at the touch.

“The doc told me to leave at 3 today, so I guess I’ll be on my way. It was nice meeting you though. I hope I didn’t annoy you too much...” Her hand falls back to her side. “Have a good rest of your day, okay?” She waits for a response but it never comes, so June makes her way back to the nurse’s station to gather her things, yawning along the way. Sitting around doing nothing had really taken a toll on her today.

Nate is packing up when she gets there so they head out together, chatting about what they are going to eat for supper that night all the way up until they have to split up to get to their cars.

June opens the driver side door but gets a shiver down her spine before she can climb in. Realization dawns and then her eyes are looking back up at the massive, decrepit building, searching the windows. It doesn’t take long to find him and when she does, he’s looking back at her. It’s the same spot he was in when she left him but this time his gaze stays on her, instead of flickering to and fro. There are more than a few people leaving right now but he’s just watching her.

‘Maybe that’s a good sign…’

She waves once more but as she suspected, he doesn’t return it. The wind is chilly though, and she doesn’t wait for long.

‘It wasn’t a BAD day,’ June reminds herself on the drive home.

“Beats McDonald’s ANY day…”

[chromatic-demon-blog]

Mental Disorder Headcannons for the Pines family.

Dipper Pines- PDD and minor to moderate anxiety.

 Dipper strikes me as someone with a disorder called Pervasive Developmental Disorder or PDD which is a form of autism that cannot be pinned down to an exact location on the spectrum and as someone who has PDD myself I notice many similarities between Dipper’s behavior and my own at his age like the abnormal intelligence but somewhat slower processing speed especially when Mabel was able to come to a conclusion on something faster than Dipper with Dipper technically being the brainy one. His social skills are also a little lack luster which is also something PDD effects which is often depicted in the show when he tries to talk to the opposite gender which most will say is merely an age thing but I disagree seeing as Mabel can confidently talk to boys being the same age as Dipper. He also seems uncomfortable in some social situations like with Wendy and her friends where Mabel was able to easily mingle with them. He also strikes me as someone with minor to moderate anxiety seeing he often questions things a lot and often looks nervous in certain situations often concerning things with Ford’s journals while Mabel often seems at ease or reasonably concerned. One major scene where I see his possible anxiety get the best of him is the portal scene where he is more adamant about shutting the portal down than trusting Stan and by extension his own sister.

 Mabel Pines- ADHD

 Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder seems to be the only problem I can see in Mabel mentally because dear god the energy this child produces is unreal and again speaking from the viewpoint of someone diagnosed with ADHD I was damn near the same as her at twelve only difference is she acts like me without any medication which is to say hyper and practically bouncing off the walls which makes me think Mabel may not have any detrimental problems that associate with her ADHD to warrant medication such as a stimulant which also leads me to believe her ADHD makes her oblivious to how her Mabel Juice reacts with others seeing as Stan describes it as “if nightmares and coffee had a baby” and we all know coffee is stimulant and if any of you know anything about ADHD stimulants have little effect on people plagued by this disorder so where Mabel Juice may wire someone up it may be used by Mabel herself to calm her down or keep her at an even energy level.

 Stanley Pines- Bipolar Disorder, slight Kleptomania and Depression

 Okay so Stan was a little harder to come to a conclusion to what was wrong with him but I have deduced he is quite possibly bipolar to some extent. Reason being his moods in the show often changed rapidly sometimes without reason and can often appear happy or sour for no specific reason or rather odd reasons seeing as with my bipolar I often get confused why I feel a certain way at a certain time. Since bipolar disorder was not made an actual diagnosis until 1980 chances are Stan would have never gotten tested or even cared to be in any case seeing as he would probably add it to his list of flaws making his low self-esteem worse. His next mental problem stems mainly from a survival habit which in my opinion is a slight Kleptomania or uncontrollable need to steal because let’s be honest Stan probably stole a lot of shit to survive in the beginning since he was out on his ass at seventeen or eighteen years old and I bet if you look at his criminal record you’re gonna find theft or theft related crimes on there. I mean hell he even stole from a witch in the show and lost his hands over some damn chintzy watch this right there shows minor kleptomania seeing as he didn’t need it he just wanted it. Also Ford even says in Journal 3 that the golf cart we constantly see in the show is stolen too! Finally a huge thing with Stan is depression caused by multiple factors like his low self-esteem, his feeling of inferiority compared to his brother, the science experiment accident and everything leading up to and after the portal incident. However I think after the show Ford would have helped him with his kleptomania or helped him control it or utilize it to benefit them seeing as Ford is far from an honest saint the fandom seems to paint him to be and Stan would have all but managed his depression now that he had his brother back and helping him build his confidence and self-esteem as well as making an effort to make up for the past.

 Stanford Pines- PDD, slight Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Insomnia and PTSD.

 Okay finally onto Ford who I can honestly say is the worst of the Pines family when it comes to being screwed in the head. Now like Dipper I believe he also has Pervasive Developmental Disorder and could very well be the one Dipper inherited from seeing as Dipper and him share a lot of behavioral characteristics and I can honestly say Ford and I both being adults share minor behavioral characteristics such as savant like intelligence in certain areas and lack luster social skills like when talking to or romanticizing with the opposite gender which can contribute to why some people with my disorder feel better being around, talking with or romanticizing the same gender (I mean there are literally no straight ships for this poor owl [i.e. Stancest, Billford, Fiddauthor, RICKFORD…need I go on.]) Ford would not have been diagnosed much like Stan’s bipolar due to the fact it was not a diagnosis until 1980 also and like Stan I doubt he would have cared seeing as he was a freaking genius and by then cared more about his work than his social skills past present his findings to important people in the future. His slight Body Dysmorphic Disorder I can see stemming from his negative focus on his sixth finger which in my opinion is pretty cool and I would say that right to his face but with this disorder he cannot accept this is just part of his features and often has nothing positive to think about the extra digit leading it to be a psychological detriment due to the excessive bullying it brought upon him. Now the insomnia is a newer disorder that is brought upon him post Bill’s betrayal when he was desperately trying to stay awake in order to dodge Bill’s possession and could have quite possibly trained his body to not need as much sleep as a normal human thus developing insomnia where sometimes he won’t sleep at all. Another play on his insomnia could be his mind associating sleep with danger even though Bill can’t actually possess Ford after he returns home to his dimension. Finally his PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder could have happened after coming back from his thirty yearlong portal excursion where he could have seen things that mentally scarred him or post Weirdmageddon after Bill tortured him and turned Gravity Falls into a reasonable depiction of Hell.

 All in all this is my headcannons for mental disorders for the Pines family which I think adds more character and depth to each Pines and what may honestly make them tick and act the way they do. And yes some of this is written from personal knowledge since I have PDD, ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, and Depression and have had a klepto habit when I was younger on top of knowing people personally who are insomniacs to an extent and people with anxiety. I also know a lot of military people with PTSD. I am not an expert with Body Dysmorphic Disorder but in my days in the psych ward I have developed enough of an understanding to understand that Ford is definitely a poster child for this disorder. These are mere headcannons but I just can’t ignore some of the signs in each of the Pines family that resonate with me and some of my personal experiences.