#so it can’t play the videos for Mor than a few minutes

[ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes]

I fucking finally got to the song I’ve been waiting for and this fucking shit app prime keeps fucking up

[dottielovegood]

ASMR - Chapter 4

Elriel fanfiction

About this fic:

Azriel can’t sleep Elain has an ASMR channel Match made in heaven (or you know, on youtube..)

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You can find chapter 1 here, chapter 2 here and chapter 3 here

Read this fic on AO3

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The following week, Azriel read Elain’s messages too many times to admit. He had answered her that “meat banjo” was, indeed, a vile word, and after that, they hadn’t really talked or texted.

He had saved her number as “Elain”, which had felt weirdly private. As if they were friends, which they were not. He was just her friendly helper, and she was his remedy for nightmares.

However, even though they didn’t know each other, Azriel felt an odd sensation in his chest when he thought about her. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought that he was missing her, which was absurd. But the tight little knot in his chest felt very much like longing. He tried to tell himself that this was weird and stupid. He knew that he had a crush on her (even though he hated to admit it), but he could also see that it was a pointless crush. She was an internet sensation, he was a boring IT guy. She was light and happiness and flowers, he was dark and brooding. She made people smile, he made people uncomfortable. And then there was the practical side of things. They had met on the internet. She probably lived on the other side of the country. Hell, she could even live in a different country for all he knew. She might have a partner already - it’s not like he asked. And, last but not least, she probably didn’t have a crush on him.

Before talking to her on the phone, he had just thought that she was a pretty girl that deserved kindness. But after their phone call, he had definitely developed a crush. Which was another reason why he hadn’t texted her. He didn’t want to bother her and he didn’t want to have this crush. He wanted to stop feeling like this for a girl he would never see in real life. Yet, every night before bed, he found himself on her youtube page, watching one of her many videos.

She uploaded a new video to Youtube every Friday, so when Friday came around, Azriel was itching to get home so he could go to sleep (he told himself that he was looking forward to sleeping and not to seeing her face).

However, he had an entire workday to get through first. The office was mostly an open landscape and Azriel’s desk was next to Cassian’s. The only person with his own office was Rhysand, which was fair since he was the owner of the company. At two in the afternoon, Rhys poked his head out of his office.

“You guys are still coming for dinner this weekend, right?”

“Yeah,” Azriel and Cassian answered in unison.

“I told Feyre that I would help her with the food,” Azriel continued.

Rhys looked like he was going to kiss Azriel. “Oh, god. Thank you, man. I was scared that we would have to repeat the Christmas dinner,” he said and shuddered.

Feyre hated to cook and Rhys did most of the cooking at home, but for some inexplicable reason, she always wanted to cook for holidays or family dinners. To everyone’s dismay. Christmas had been no exception. She had burned the turkey, added salt instead of sugar to the dessert and somehow managed to buy the wrong berries for her cranberry sauce. Luckily, Rhys had been prepared and bought a few frozen pizzas and some ice cream, so the day wasn’t that much of a disaster, but nobody wanted to brave Feyre’s cooking again.

“Why don’t you just cook?” Cassian asked without looking up from his screen.

“You know that she kicks me out if I so much as go near the kitchen when we have these family dinners. And since she started the hormone treatment, she has been a bit bitchy when she gets mad, so I’ll just do whatever she says.”

Azriel chuckled. He could tell from Rhysand’s tone that Feyre had been more than “a bit” bitchy.

“I don’t understand why she lets Azriel help, though…”

“Maybe because she knows that I’ll tell her to sit down with a glass of wine and a magazine, and then she can take all of the credit for the food?”

“Fair enough.” Rhys shrugged. “Just burn the food a little bit, or it won’t be believable.”

Cassian snorted. “No one would believe that something edible was made by your wife. Sorry.”

“She does make a great green smoothie, though,” Rhys grinned and held up his glass.

Azriel and Cassian looked at each other and had to bite their tongues to keep from laughing. The smoothie looked vile and smelled even worse.

After a few more minutes of small talk, Rhys went back to his office for an important phone call. “See you on Saturday,” he reminded them before closing the door.

Azriel and Cassian worked in silence for the remainder of the day.

When Azriel came home that evening, he made a quick pasta carbonara to eat in front of the TV. He was re-watching New Girl. It was his comfort show and absolutely nobody knew that he watched it (and had watched it multiple times). He would take that information with him to the grave. But it was fun and cute and sometimes he liked to imagine his friends as characters in the show. Cassian was probably Schmidt, because Nesta was one hundred percent Cece. Feyre was Jess, which meant that Rhys was Nick. And then there was Azriel. He wanted to say that he was a very cool character, but most characters on this show weren’t cool, and also, he was definitely Winston. Alone with a cat - sounds about right , Azriel thought to himself as he finished his bowl of pasta.

When the episode ended he just waited for the next to start. He didn’t have any plans for the night and nowhere to be. His phone vibrated where he had left it on the kitchen counter. He ignored it, feeling too lazy to get up. But then it vibrated again. With a sigh, he got up. He expected to see a text from Mor telling him to bring wine tomorrow, or maybe a strange meme from Cassian. What he didn’t expect was to see Elain’s name on his screen.

He could feel his heart in his throat as he read her messages.

Elain Hey, Shadowsinger. I’m uploading a new video soon. You should watch it!

Elain I hope that message didn’t sound creepy? I just meant that I think you might like it.

Azriel’s hands were sweaty.

Azriel You didn’t sound creepy at all. Of course, I’ll watch your video. May I ask what I can expect from it?

Just seconds later, Elain answered.

Elain You can ask, but I might not tell ;)

Azriel Should I be worried?

Elain Haha, no! I think it turned out great. You were my inspiration :)

Azriel could feel himself blush. He had never been someone’s inspiration before.

Azriel So, I’m your muse? ;)

Oh god, was that too flirty? Was the winky-face too much? He wished that he could take back the message.

Elain For tonight, yes!

Azriel stared at his phone, unsure of what to answer. Luckily, Elain wrote to him again.

Elain What are you doing tonight?

Azriel Nothing. Just eating pasta and watching TV. How about you?

Elain That sounds amazing. I have been editing this video for hours so I’m just tired and cranky, haha. I have just ordered a pizza and I think I’ll just eat it in bed as soon as this video has finished uploading. What did you watch?

Azriel If I told you, I would have to kill you.

Elain Oh, intriguing! Is it trashy drama? I bet it’s Grey’s anatomy! Or maybe… Love Island?

Azriel stared at his phone. Did she really think that he would watch something like Love Island?

Azriel I watched New Girl, okay. Don’t tell anyone.

Elain Your secret is safe with me! Also, I love New Girl! Especially Winston!

It felt as if someone was squeezing Azriel’s heart.

Azriel Really? Which character would you be?

Elain My pizza is here so I am going to put all of my electronics in a different room and eat my pizza while reading a good book. It was great talking to you, Azriel! Please tell me what you thought of the video when you have watched it.

Elain Oh, and I would probably be Winston’s cat. lol

Azriel almost dropped his phone. If he had to be alone with a cat for the rest of his life, he would definitely want Elain to be his cat , he thought to himself. Which was a weird thing to think about someone you didn’t know. Azriel dropped his head to his kitchen counter and took a deep breath before replying.

Azriel It was great talking to you too, Elain. Enjoy your dinner and your book :)

She didn’t answer, but she didn’t have to. Azriel was going to be thinking about her for the rest of the night anyway.

30 minutes later, he got a notification telling him that Flower Girl ASMR had uploaded a new video. The video was called “ASMR for IT-guys”, which made him chuckle. He clicked the video and Elain’s beautiful face filled his screen again.

“Hello, my lovelies, lovelies, lovelies,” she whispered in her microphone. “This week’s video will be a bit different,” she continued, slowly moving her hands in front of the camera. “This video was inspired by my friend who recently helped me with some computer-related issues, issues, issues.”

Azriel loved it when she repeated words like that. And he liked that he somehow was a part of this video. It was something that connected them. Azriel paused the video and got into bed, knowing fully well that he would probably fall asleep soon if he kept watching this.

He pressed play again. “So, today, I thought that we would try a few computer-related triggers. I have a keyboard here,” she said and started typing on a keyboard that was out of view. “I thought that I would say a few trigger words while typing them.”

She smiled at the camera and pressed a few more keys. “I just wrote my friend’s name, but you won’t get to know who he is. But you know who you are. Thank you for your help!”

Azriel felt all warm inside.

She continued the video. “The first trigger word is IP address ”. Azriel laughed as she repeated the word multiple times while typing quickly.

“And then we have, laptop, laptop, laptop,” she continued, and Azriel felt shivers go down his spine when she popped the p’s.

Azriel had never thought that he would fall asleep to someone whispering “HTML coding” in his ears, but here he was. Relaxed and ready to sleep.

All thanks to Flower Girl ASMR.

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

The next day, Azriel texted Elain that he had loved the video. He waited for hours, but no reply came. Maybe she just wanted to repay me for helping her? Azriel thought. Maybe she would stop talking to him now that he had seen the video.

The thought of never talking to Elain again made him feel a new kind of ache in his chest. An ache he didn’t want to feel. This stupid crush needs to end, he muttered to himself as he started to scrub his kitchen counter. He tried to ignore the feeling by keeping busy. He cleaned his apartment and did some laundry before heading over to his friends’ house.

Rhys greeted him by the door and ushered him inside.

“She started cooking like 15 minutes ago, please save whatever can be saved,” he whispered to Azriel. Azriel chuckled and made his way to the kitchen. On the way there, he passed the living room and stopped to greet his friends. He saw most of them on a daily basis because of work, but he was still happy to see them. Cassian and his fiancée Nesta sat close together on one of the green velvet couches. On the opposite couch sat Mor and Amren. Mor was one of the journalists at Velaris News, and Amren was an editor. They had known each other for years. Amren and Rhys had studied together at university, and Mor was Rhysand’s cousin. Once upon a time, Azriel had a crush on Mor. One night after one too many glasses at Rita’s he confessed his feelings to her and she had looked horrified. He had expected her to tell him that she didn’t fancy him and leave it at that, but instead, she had blurted “I like girls!”

Azriel was the first person she ever came out to, and he had felt honored. He also knew now that they wouldn’t have worked out together in the long run (even if Mor had been straight). They were just too different. She was energetic and outgoing and fun, he needed peace and quiet. But she was still one of his very best friends.

Amren on the other hand, he didn’t know as well. She had always been very private, but she was damn good at her job.

“Where’s Varian tonight?” Azriel asked Amren, trying to make small talk.

“How should I know?” she answered quickly. “I’m not his mother.”

Cassian stared at her. “But you are his girlfriend?”

She shrugged. “I don’t like to label things.”

Nesta rolled her eyes. Amren had lived with Varian for the past two years, but she was still reluctant to tell anyone about their relationship.

Azriel made his way into the kitchen, and from what he could tell, he made it just in time.

“What are you making, Feyre?” he asked, because truthfully, he couldn’t tell.

Feyre turned around quickly as if he had startled her. “Oh, hi Az,” she said and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.

Something was burning.

“I was trying to make lamb chops with glazed carrots, roasted potatoes, and salsa verde, but…” she gestured to the stove, which looked like a disaster.

Azriel chuckled. “That’s ambitious.” He lifted the lid from one of the pots and could clearly see that she had overcooked the lamb 10 minutes ago. Also, why had she made them in a pot, and not a frying pan? It would be inedible.

The potatoes were still in the sink, unpeeled.

She gave him a strained smile. “Will you help me?”

“Of course.” Azriel put the grocery bag he had brought with him on the kitchen island. “On one condition.”

“Anything.” She sounded desperate.

“Please, for the love of god, let Rhys cook when we come over. You really don’t have to show off. You are good at many things, Feyre. But cooking is unfortunately not one of them.”

She nodded. “I know,” she sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen island and buried her face in her hand. “I just...I need to be able to cook when I become a mother.”

Azriel took her hand in his. “You really don’t. Nobody expect fathers to be good at cooking, so why should every mother be good at it? Honestly, just let Rhys cook while you play with the kids.”

She smiled at him. “That actually sounds amazing,” she sighed.

“Right?”

Azriel started to pull out some ingredients from the bag on the kitchen island. He held up the tomatoes and the spaghetti, “How about some pasta arrabbiata with burrata?”

“Sounds fancy.”

He shrugged. “Everything sounds fancier in a different language. It’s just pasta with a spicy tomato sauce, and burrata on top.”

“Whatever you make will probably be better than that mess,” she said and glanced towards the stove. Azriel couldn’t disagree.

“Probably,” he laughed and got to work. Azriel placed all the pots and pans in the sink and started chopping the vegetables for the sauce, and in just 30 minutes, dinner was served.

“You are my hero,” Feyre said and kissed his cheek as she carried the big bowl of pasta to the dining room.

Everyone had already gathered around the table, wine glasses in hand. As Azriel sat down, Mor poured him some wine.

“This looks amazing,” Nesta said and Cassian nodded in agreement.

“Thanks, Az helped a little,” Feyre said and winked at Azriel.

“Just a bit,” Azriel said and took a sip of wine.

The conversation (and wine) flowed freely, as it always did. Cassian and Nesta told them about their wedding plans, Mor gushed about Emerie, a girl she was dating, and Feyre told them about life as a high school art teacher. Azriel would never understand how anyone could choose to spend their days with teenagers, but Feyre loved it.

After two bottles of wine, Nesta and Mor were in an argument about which animal was the cutest.

“No, I am telling you, Sloths are cuter than any animal ever,” Mor exclaimed. “Have you seen their dopey little faces?”

“Sloths? Really?” Nesta looked at her as if she had suggested that the sky was green. “Red pandas are way cuter! They are cute and cuddly, Sloths just look like every single stoner I went to high school with.”

They had been at it for 10 minutes, which Azriel found to be quite impressive.

“Can you both just shut up?” Amren gritted out. “The cutest animals are koalas. They’re even cute when they fight. I am right, you are wrong. Please stop this meaningless discussion before I die from boredom.”

Nesta and Mor looked at Amren, and then at each other.

“We obviously have to see Koalas fight if you want us to end this conversation,” Mor said.

Nesta nodded. “Obviously. Give me your phone, Az,” she said and reached for his phone.

“Why do you need my phone?”

“Because mine is dead and yours is right there on the table. Also, your screen is big and we need to watch this in full HD, for obvious reasons.”

Azriel huffed a laugh, unlocked his phone, and handed it to Nesta.

She clicked the Youtube app, and then her face fell. She looked at Azriel as if he was an alien, and then she showed the phone to Cassian who looked at him with the same facial expression.

What the hell had they found?

He didn’t have anything weird on his phone. And he sure as hell didn’t watch porn on it.

“What?” Azriel asked, and Nesta turned the phone.

Fuck. The last video he had watched was still loaded on Youtube, and of course, it was Elain’s latest video.

“What the hell is this?” Nesta asked, almost looking angry.

Azriel didn’t understand why she found ASMR so wrong, but he desperately wanted to explain himself.

“Well, it’s ASMR. It’s kind of… well, it’s hard to explain, but it helps me sleep and– “

Nesta interrupted him before he could finish. “I know what ASMR is. I am wondering why you are watching Elain?”

Azriel stared at Nesta in shock. Did she also like Elain’s videos? But that wouldn’t explain the anger and confusion.

“Do you...know her?” Azriel asked.

“Yes, we went to university together. She’s our florist for the wedding. She was the florist at their wedding, too,” Nesta answered and gestured towards Rhys and Feyre. “Surely you have met her?”

Azriel could do nothing but shake his head in confusion. If he had ever met Elain, he would have known. You didn’t forget a face like hers.

“Please tell me you’re not stalking her like some creep, Az. Honestly, her last boyfriend was the world’s biggest asshat.”

“I’m not stalking her,” Azriel blurted out. “I’m just watching her videos to fall asleep, I promise. I– I didn’t know that you knew her.”

Nesta eyed him suspiciously. “So, is this just a coincidence?”

He nodded. “Weirder things have happened,” he said, trying to lighten the mood.

Nesta glanced at Cassian, and then back at Azriel. “Fine,” she said after a small eternity. “You would probably be cute together anyway. Sorry for insinuating that you would be a stalker.” She really did look remorseful. “That wasn’t fair. I’m just very protective of her. She’s the nicest girl, but she has horrendous taste in men.”

Azriel couldn’t answer, because his mind was still stuck on the fact that Nesta said that they would be cute together. He wanted to ask Nesta why she thought that. He kind of also wanted to ask her if Elain lived here in Velaris, and what her favorite movie was, and if she, by any chance, had a boyfriend. But he refrained, he didn’t want to sound like a stalker.

“So, what the fuck is ASMR?” Cassian asked. “Is it like porn?”

Before Azriel could answer, Rhys said “It’s like porn for your ears, I guess,” and then the entire table was laughing.

“Nesta,” Feyre said when the laughter had died down. “Does Elain still have that cute, little shop on River Street?”

“Mhm,” Nesta answered and took a sip of her wine.

Azriel could kiss Feyre for asking. And if he wasn’t mistaken, he could see her wink in his direction before raising her water glass to her lips.

Azriel walked home that evening with a million thoughts in his head.

He made a list in his head:

Elain lived in Velaris

River Street was literally a 10-minute walk from his home.

Nesta thought that they would be cute together

This meant nothing

She probably didn’t even like him back

Just because they were in the same city, it didn’t mean that they would ever meet.

This was still just a crush

And it was probably one-sided

She hadn’t even answered his latest text message.

And as if on cue, his phone vibrated in his pocket.

Elain I’m sorry that I didn’t answer you earlier. I’ve been at work all day. We had a leak in the basement and everything was just chaos. I haven’t even checked my phone until now.

He mentally scratched number 9 from his list.

Azriel No worries! Did you fix the leak?

Azriel checked the time on his phone: 23.30

Had she dealt with this leak until now?

Elain Yes! But so many flowers were ruined (I’m a florist) and I had to remake a few arrangements for a wedding that’s coming up.

Elain I’m sorry. You probably don’t care. I’m happy that you liked the video :)

Azriel wanted to tell her that he did care. That everything she said was interesting to him. He would probably even find her Starbucks order fascinating. But that bordered on stalker behavior.

Azriel Again, no worries! Sometimes when you’ve had a bad day, you just need someone to vent to.

Elain Exactly! Thank you for letting me vent :) This day is finally over!

There was a selfie attached to the last message.

Elain was standing in front of a big window surrounded by flowers. She was wearing a white, oversized shirt and her hair was in a messy bun. She looked tired but happy. She was giving him ‘thumbs up’ in the photo and through the window, he could see the Sidra. They were indeed in the same city. It made him both happy and nervous.

Elain Sweaty but happy to be heading home :)

Azriel received that last message when he walked through the door to his apartment. What the hell was he supposed to answer?

But then he thought back to Nesta’s words.

You would probably be cute together.

So he took a deep breath and gathered all his courage.

Azriel You still look beautiful though

He stared at his phone. Would she answer? Would she block him? Would she tell him to stop being a creep?

Elain Thank you :) What do you look like? I might have forgotten ;)

Okay. That was flirty. Even Azriel could tell that that was a flirty text message, and he was usually oblivious to such things. He quickly walked to his bathroom (it was the room with the best lighting). He checked his shirt (no stains) and mussed with his hair.

“Good enough,” he muttered, and snapped a selfie.

Before he could chicken out, he sent it to her.

Within seconds, he received a reply.

Elain Beautiful!

[alloftheimaginess]

Can you do a supernatural cast series where you’re the wife and you do different interviews, like the videos on YouTube like Ad or thirst tweets or just answering fan questions whatever plz. If you have questions just message me and I’ll try to explain it further

Lol sorry it’s been like four months so don’t hate me but it’s been hard work juggling trying to write, school and work so sorry. I think it sucks but hopefully you’ll like it and I’ll be tagging the other parts in this one

Burning Fan Questions

Other parts

Alexander Calvert

Misha Collins

Jensen Ackles

"Hi I'm Yn Padalecki and I will be answer the fans burning questions about my life" I say smiling at the camera as I grab the bucket that's full of questions.

"I'm super nervous for this because before I got here Jared double dog dared me to answer literally every single question so I can't use my skip button" I say and the crew behind the camera laughs.

"Please for the love of god let their be questions to embarrass Jared more than me so he can eat it" I say giggling.

"First question" I say grabbing a folded up piece of paper from out the bucket.

"Who is the rudest celebrity that you've ever had the chance of meeting?" I read and I laugh.

"Oh that's a lot of them, there's an unsurprising amount of rude celebrities who think that they own Hollywood" I say laughing.

"But enough stalling because I have to answer this question anyway, the rudest celebrity that I've ever met was Christian Bale, no offense but he was a total dick to literally everyone around him, on set, off of set just everywhere" I say digging around the bucket for another question.

"What scandals has your team had to cover up?" I read and I start laughing.

"Noooooo" I say laughing even harder because I know I have to tell them.

"Okay okay. When I was 23 I had first met Jared and we got caught you know doing the deed and then the pictures were about to go out and they had to buy all of them back for double of what they were going to get" I say laughing shaking the bucket up and grabbing another one out.

"Have you ever used your celebrity status to get something for free?" I read.

"One time when I was out my daughter, Harlow we were getting frozen yogurt and I left my credit card at the restaurant we were at before without realizing it and at the register she goes oh my god are you Jared from supernatural's wife and when I'm with my daughters I usually pretend like I'm not but I totally knew she was going to give us the yogurt for free so I was like yeah, and then I asked her how she was and she was like oh this is totally on the house" I say laughing.

"I eventually went back and tipped a massive tip because I didn't pay last time" I say.

I grab another one out and I put the bucket down opening it "how many kids do you actually want?" I read.

"Well I already have two now but I'm aiming for at least five" I say laughing.

"I have a big family I'm one of 9 so I've always wanted a big family but not as big as mine so four or five would be a perfect size family for me, I honestly have a enough love for a million but four or five is definitely good for me" I say grabbing another question.

"If we came to your house what would we find in your cabinets food wise?" I read laughing.

"What an interesting question" I say.

"Everyone in the Padalecki household has their own cabinets because they are huge smackers. Harlow's is filled with the stuff she likes such as teddy Grahams, fruit roll ups, dried Cranberries, jolly ranchers stuff like that. Mine is filled with little cakes, gushers, banana chips which I swear by, peanuts, popcorn and Jared's, he has tons of candy, he is absolutely in love with white chocolate macadamia cookies and he always has those in his stash and Kiernan she's still on baby food so she's fully stocked on that" I say grabbing another question out.

"If you had to marry anyone that has starred along side your husband in his show supernatural who would it be?" I read.

"Oh hmm" I say laughing.

"Okay, Jensen is like Jared's best friend but I'm way closer to Misha so I'd definitely have to say Misha but no offense to his wife because I'd totally marry her as well or maybe even Rob, I love that man to pieces, he's a really good friend but then there's Rich, no offense to his wife Jaci but Rich and I have the best dance off's so that would be something to look forward to" I say laughing as I grab another question.

"If you woke up in Jared's body and had to stay in it for a day what would you do?" I say laughing.

"Easy, I'd leave myself little notes with plans for tomorrow so when I switch back he'll have to go through with them and we could have a perfectly planned out day because I planned it" I say laughing.

"If you go out to dinner with your non-famous friends, do you all still split the bill or do you pay?" I read.

"It depends really, my childhood friends don't like for me to pay for their stuff so we'll all split the bill but if I'm the one inviting everyone out then I'll pay before hand because then it'll be a lot of work trying to break it up" I say grabbing another question.

"What's one thing that Jared does that absolutely pisses you off?" I read cracking up.

"Breathes" I say smiling at the camera.

"I'm just kidding" I say laughing.

"When I'm super busy and like concentrating on my work he'll come over and innocently wrap his arms around me but then when I'm not paying him enough attention he'll start softly biting me and while I'm trying to work that can be so annoying" I say.

"What was the worst rumor that has been spread about you?" I read.

"I've had some pretty bad ones that I like to pretend didn't happen because they were literally so outrageous but I guess the worst one was that I was cheating on Jared. A few years back Harlow and I flew to my hometown for a few weeks and we spent Halloween out there and my twin sister and I dressed up as Sally from nightmare before Christmas because we've always done matching costumes whenever we're with each other and I posted a selfie on Instagram so everyone knew what I looked like but no one knew my twin sister was dressed identical to me and she took Harlow around with her now husband while I helped my parents be set up for the party and the paparazzi caught them together while they shared a kiss and while Eric played with Harlow and she was giggling and they put the photos on the front of the magazine and I was getting so much hate before I even knew what was going on and I was getting calls from our friends and they were asking me like how I could do that and then I had to go and post my pictures with my sister and write this long ass message about it and it was super bad" I say moving on.

"Who do you look up to the most, and what qualities do you love about that person?" I read.

"My grandma, she pretty much raised me. My parents weren't around often so I had to live with her for like 5 years, me and all of my siblings" I say digging in the bucket.

"But the qualities that I love about her is one, the fact that she is the strongest person I've had the honor of meeting" I say holding up one finger.

"Two, her boldness is like unbelievable. I took her to the oscars and she started flirting with The Rock and that's when I realized my grandma was my hero" I say laughing and I pull another question out.

"What's something you did as a child that no one knows about outside of your family?" I read.

"For two years I only spoke in a British accent, I had everyone confused at school because I never broke" I say laughing.

"How often do you and Jared have sex?" I read burying my face.

"No, I'm not going to be embarrassed. Sex is a normal thing, it brings about joy, relaxation, sometimes accidental pregnancies" I say laughing.

"But back to the question, I don't know. He's gone for like nine months out of the year but if he has a three day weekend or whatever then we'll spend a night together but when he's home in the three months he's off of filming it's literally whenever the kids are gone if even just for 20 minutes. We try to keep it as normal as possible" I say laughing.

"What's the last text conversation you had?" I read pulling out my phone and I laugh.

"I texted Robert about his new Batman movie because it was announced the other day and I just seen it this morning so I had to quickly congratulate him and he tells me that while I'm super late he still appreciates it and won't hold anything against me when it's time to hand out movie tickets and I said I'd never forgot about you shiny and he sent the middle finger emoji" I say laughing.

"What are your pet names that you and Jared have for each other?" I read.

"Ha, finally a question that he'd normally not talk about but I was dared so I call him Bubba or bubs" I say laughing.

"Literally it's how he's saved in my phone and he thinks it's so embarrassing" I say pulling my phone out and showing his contact name and photo.

"He's Bubba and he calls me a lot of different things but the one he always goes back to is beautiful or baby" I say smiling at the camera.

“Do your siblings and Jared get along?” I read and I laugh sighing.

“Like I mentioned earlier I’m one of nine so that’s eight siblings and then all of my siblings are older than me. I’m the baby and they are all married so my older brother and his husband love Jared and Jared loves them, we’re actually both of their kids godparents but then with my third oldest sister she doesn’t like me so she doesn’t like Jared by default you know” I say grabbing another question.

“Okay this is a question I have to know how often you do and Jared shower together?” I read laughing.

“Do you have to know that?” I ask laughing harder.

“Sorry to let you down but we don’t really, we’ll not anymore with kids it’s best one of us is out the shower while the other one quickly showers because we can’t leave them along for too long” I say knowing that my answer is not what they were expecting.

“But before kids it’s was an every morning thing we did together before heading out for our different business or whatever we had to do that day” I say.

“Did you have an oh shit moment at your wedding, and if so what was it?” I read and I nod.

“Yeah actually I did. But it’s been so long since we got married that I actually forgot until I read this question. My brother bless his poor heart showed up drunk like he was pregaming our wedding and the security didn’t know he was my brother so they were like kicking him out and my sister runs in like “oh my god Yn, the security just kicked Kalin out” so I’m like half dressed and I go down to try to figure out what the hell is happening and then I meet up with him and he throws up all over me like I’m talking full body covered and the make up artist just left and I had to shower and call her back so she could come fix my face and it was very traumatizing because it was so gross” I say laughing.

“But the whole wedding was beautiful and he didn’t drink at all” I say.

“If you had to pick a song from the late 10’s-2020 to be you and Jared’s couple song what would you pick?” I read and I awe.

“That’s a cute question. I guess I’d have to say Flicker by Niall Horan, we danced together to that song when Alex Calvert and his wife got married and it literally felt so magical and now whenever I hear it, it takes me back to a happy place and I just think about slow dancing with my best friend and husband” I say smiling.

“Do you and all the wives of the supernatural cast get along?” I read and I quickly nod.

“Those girls are some of my best friends, they know what it’s like to have a family and their husband work on supernatural so automatically we have something to bond over also with Alex’s wife she has a massive family so we often talk about the drama and problems that come along with it” I say laughing.

"Last one. What celebrity have you had beef with?" I read laughing.

"Daniel Radcliffe" I say quickly.

"But it was when we were younger filming the Harry Potter movies. We didn't like each other for like the first 4 movies" I say laughing.

"Our characters were close in the movie but on set we hated each other, I don't know why and I don't think he does either, I guess our energies just clashed but when we got to order of the Phoenix and we talked it out before we started filming and have been best friends in person ever since" I say laughing and tipping the bucket over.

"That was my last question. I'm Yn Padalecki and this has been answering fan questions. Thank you for watching and I hope you got a laugh out of at least some of these questions or you learned something you never thought you would learn about me" I say smiling at the camera

[sassycassie-s-writing]

Hold My Phone

By: SassyShoulderAngel319

Fandom/Character(s): A Court of Thorns and Roses Series/Rhysand

Rating: PG-11/T- (v seductive flirting)

Original Idea: Modern!AU (kinda sorta not really)

Notes: (Masterlist)(By Character)(About Me) This one is so ridiculous. It’s basically a “Everything is Pretty Much the Same but They Have Phones” AU, not really a modern AU because I figured this would be how Rhys would handle having a phone with the High Lord act, lol

^^^^^

My phone buzzed in my pocket. In a meeting with some Autumn Court emissaries. I’m bored. Entertain me? Rhys’ text said.

Why are you texting me? Just use the mating bond, I texted back.

Yeah but I want these idiots to *know* that I’m bored of them and can’t be bothered to give them my attention.

Playing games with them?

Always.

Exactly how do you propose I entertain you?

It took his answer a few minutes to arrive. I wondered if it was because he was thinking about the wickedest, most flirtatious thing to say or something came up in the meeting that he did actually have to give his attention to.

What are you wearing right now? I shouldn’t have been surprised that was his reply.

My purple outfit. The dark purple one with the stars embroidered into it.

I’m debating asking you to send me a picture of you in it or asking you to take it off and send me a picture of *that*

I am not sending you any pictures while you’re in a meeting. I hadn’t replied to a text that quickly in a while.

His reply came quickly too, Send it down the mating bond then. No records ;)

I rolled my eyes and got to my feet. Up in our room, I stood in front of the full-length mirror, stared at myself while lowering my mental shield, shot the image I was looking at—fully clothed—down the bond, and then slammed my shields back into place.

It took seconds for an answering image of Rhys licking his lips with a feral gleam in his eyes to bump into my shield. I rolled my eyes. My phone buzzed. Delicious. As always, darling.

Happy?

Deliriously.

Go back to your meeting, you flirt. I’ll see you later.

But I’m still bored.

Don’t be a baby. I have a meeting in 30 minutes I have to get ready for with the governor of the Palace of Threads and Jewels.

What are you meeting with the governor for?

I don’t think it’s any big deal. Probably just going over some requests from patrons who have gathered together a bunch of things rather than hauling themselves up 10,000 stairs to the House.

Good luck.

You too. I set my phone down on my vanity. I hated getting rid of the loose pants and sleeves but I knew for a meeting like this that I’d need a gown.

I sent Rhys mental images of every gown I tried on before selecting one, and every hairstyle I thought of doing, asking his opinion and ultimately ignoring it when he seductively told me he liked the most revealing dress with my hair unbound. I definitely called him a name I had no plans on apologizing for before replacing my shields.

I ended up going with a modest midnight blue gown glittering with silver threads that would be appropriately formal, but not so formal it felt like an occasion. Instead of a tiara or crown or diadem I kept my hair out of my face with a comb that was made of black metal and studded with diamond dust to look like the night sky. Crescent moon-shaped sapphire taking up most of the space in the middle.

Nuala and Cerridwen approved of my choices and I shooed myself out to go see the governor.

—

I collapsed on the bed after leaving my dress abandoned on the floor. The meeting was exactly what I thought it would be and after all the requests I was tired. I genuinely cared about my people but putting forth the mental strain of trying to figure out how to fix so many problems at once I started having to pretend to be chipper.

I hadn’t realized I dozed off until a weight falling onto the bed beside me woke me up.

Rhys fell in such a way that he could sprawl his wings above me, taking up a good portion of the bed. He was in casual clothing—silver-buttoned black shirt with the top button undone to let his tattoos peek out, black pants, low black boots—but I knew him better than to think he’d gone to the meeting in them. As he fell, he sighed. “That was tedious,” he remarked, setting a hand on the top of my head and scratching my hair. His fingers brushed my comb and he stopped.

“Tell me about it,” I grumbled.

He sat up to lean over me. He gave me a long, slow kiss as he removed the comb from my hair. “You didn’t wear the dress I chose,” he teased.

“I asked your opinion, not to choose for me,” I countered. “Besides, I doubt you’d even want another male to look at me in a dress like that.”

“Fair enough,” he conceded playfully. He kissed the hollow behind my ear. “You can model it for me later.”

“Flirt,” I accused.

“Spoilsport,” he retorted.

His phone started ringing in his pocket. I recognized the personalized tone. He only personalized a few. Azriel’s, Cassian’s, Mor’s, Amren’s, and mine.

Heaving another sigh, he extracted the phone from his pocket. “What do you want, Cassian?” There was no bite at all to the words, just resigned fatigue. He listened to words I couldn’t quite make out as he fidgeted with my comb in his other hand. He rolled his eyes. “That can wait. I’ll squeeze it in tomorrow, okay?”

More babbling from Cassian’s end of the call. I thought I caught snatches of Azriel’s voice too.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll deal with it tomorrow. Bye.” He hung up, but I could still hear them talking as he ended the call. “Can never get one hour of peace with those two,” he muttered, silencing his phone.

He tossed it somewhere behind him and I heard it thunk on the rug.

“For tonight, darling, I have some much more entertaining events scheduled.” He bent over me and pressed another kiss to my lips. I kissed him back enthusiastically, reaching up to brush my fingers into his hair. He relaxed slightly, the weight of his head growing against mine as his neck tension softened.

“Let me silence my phone,” I said.

He waved a hand vaguely over his shoulder. “Done,” he said.

I smiled. “Bath before or after?”

“Hmm… after.”

“Fine with me.”

—

Both of our phones vibrating wildly on the end tables of our bed woke us the next morning. I jolted so hard I bonked my head on Rhys’ wing bone where he’d draped it over me as we slept, as he often did.

I reached out for my phone. There was no caller ID and the combination wasn’t one I recognized. That happened all the time. I answered anyway, assuming it was a matter of state, as usual. “Hello?”

“High Lady?” The voice was small and trembling. Not young, but frightened.

“Yes?”

“There’s something in the harbor.”

Before I could ask for more details, the caller hung up.

Rhys answered his phone much more lazily than I had. “This is Rhys,” he said. He never used his full given name to answer the phone. High Lord Tamlin, his enemy, could be calling and he’d still use Rhys.

He bolted up in bed so abruptly, his wing bone hit me in the back of the head. Thankfully the talon missed me. We both winced at the pain as he mouthed, Sorry, and leapt out of bed to get dressed. I figured I’d probably need to go investigate the harbor so I got up too and found a pair of pants, shirt, and overcoat. Socks and boots followed before I wound my hair into a bun so I wouldn’t have to braid it yet.

Rhys hung up. “Was your call about the harbor too?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Though, whoever it was didn’t say much.”

“Same here. Ready?”

I put the same comb I’d been wearing the day before into the top of my bun so I had some sort of ornamentation on. “Ready.”

He grabbed me around the shoulders and winnowed us out of the house.

We reappeared on the docks.

A dark shape was moving around under the surface of the water. I grabbed the railing and peered over it. “Too fluid to be a whale,” I said, noticing a small gathered crowd taking pictures on their phones, some recording videos.

Rhys’ hand settled on top of mine. It’s moving like a serpent, he said down our bond.

My grip on the railing halted. A serpent? Now? Like—like a sea serpent?

He didn’t reply. His dark eyes following where the head’s shape appeared to be.

“Hold onto this for me,” he said, pulling out his phone and holding it out. I took it out of habit, barely noticing his wings extending.

“Wait—Rhys—don’t—!” Too late. He used a powerful launch from his wings to get him over the railing before plunging into the water. As he dropped, I saw his clothes change from the casual dark shirt and pants to his fighting leathers. I wasn’t even sure any of the faeries around us noticed the change. A few of them yelped as his splash sprayed into the air.

I clung to the railing, staring into the depths.

“Rhysand…” I complained. “Stop being so reckless.”

I heard that, he teased.

I meant for you to, I retorted.

Wanna see?

I’m holding your phone. I’m not getting in that water.

You know that’s not what I meant.

I sent the sound of my sigh down the bond and felt his chuckle in return. Fine.

A crack opened in his mental shield. I slid into it, keeping a tether to get me out whenever I wanted if I got freaked out. My eyes glazed over as I started looking through his.

The harbor water was relatively clear, but a bit blurry. I—no, Rhys—flexed his magic to clear up his vision. My—his—hair drifted in front of his eyes a bit.

A large, deep red sea serpent twined around ahead, barely visible through the murk. Large fins were tucked against its sides.

Wings? I asked Rhys.

Yes. For jumping out of the water and snatching sailors from their ships. Among other things, he replied. They usually dwell in the depths. Wonder what it’s doing here.

I didn’t reply as he swam closer. Inside his mind, I could feel him dismiss his wings to reduce drag. Feel the strength in his shoulders as he stroked forward. In his mind, I had no private thoughts, so I knew he felt my anxiety. My fear for his safety. I felt him send a wave of calm through himself. He wasn’t nervous at all—for whatever reason.

The serpent caught sight of him. My breath hitched, but Rhys didn’t even flinch. Gold eyes bored into him, fangs revealed in something of a snarl.

Sorry, love, Rhys thought, I need to speak to it mind to mind, and don’t want you here for it. Too hard to concentrate on two minds at once.

Fine with me, I replied.

He shoved me out of his mind.

I shook my head, blinking, as my consciousness returned to my own body. My hands were so tight on the railing that my knuckles were white.

Something tugged on my tunic. I turned.

A small faerie child with violet skin and long silver hair was standing beside me, looking up at me. “Are you alright, High Lady?” Innocence and genuine concern were in its voice. I knelt to be on the same eye level as the child, my hands resting on the phone in either of my pants pockets.

“Yes. Yes, I’m alright. Just concerned for Rhys.”

The child looked into the harbor. “Mama says the High Lord is very powerful. He’ll be okay.”

I smiled at the child. “Yes. Yes he will.” I reached into the pocket of my tunic, pulling out one of the small candies I kept in there for when children stopped to talk to me—and Rhys usually. I offered it to the child. Everyone in Velaris knew their High Lord and Lady kept candy for children on them, so the child accepted without hesitation. They took off the wax paper wrapper and stuck the candy in their mouth before running back to their parents.

Rhys appeared on the dock behind me, dripping wet. “What’d I miss?” he asked.

I jumped to my feet and whirled around. “You okay?”

“Fine. I convinced it to leave.” He nodded toward the dark shape slithering out of the harbor now. “It was actually lost, I think. I managed to give it directions.”

I chuckled. “Never a boring day in Velaris.”

He joined my chuckle. “Not at all. Cassian’s gonna get a kick—” He swore. “I forgot. Cassian needed my help. You still have my phone?”

As I pulled it out of my pocket, he waved a hand to dry off.

He plunked in Cassian’s combination. “Hey, it’s me. I’m on my way.” He reached out a hand for me. I took it. Dark wind whipped around us as we winnowed away.

[lonelypond]

Nico Attacks: A Campfire Tale, Ch. 1

Love Live, NicoMaki, 1.8K, 1/4

Ayase Eli, Sonoda Umi, and Nishikino Maki are making their way through the woods around the Nishikino mountain camp during the annual Muse Autumn camping trip. Will they be tripped up? How afraid of the dark is Eli? What will happen next?

Chapter One

The sun had set. Late September warm light was done and October chill had crept in. Soldier Game, braving the night, had set out, backpacks and thermoses, to track the trail left...Eli’s jaw throbbed. The shivers would start there. Tighter grip on the flashlight, speed up to be closer to Umi and Maki. Too close, Umi screamed and jumped back, batting at the air over her head.

“What happened?” Eli screeched.

“Nico.” Maki hissed, as she pulled at something, her voice grim, her flashlight shining on the thing in her palm.  She held a small doll, dark blue black hair, empty eyes.

“Of course, Nico. She never forgets anything” Umi groaned. “This isn’t going to be fun, is it.”

“Not for us.” Maki sighed, as music, a slightly out of tune piano playing Bach, started to filter through the trees.

“I need a drink.” Eli sat, grabbing the thermos, pouring out dark liquid with a shaky hand, but screaming and spitting it out as it touched her lips. “That’s not hot chocolate.”

Maki took the mug with a smile, “That’s because my wife packed the food, not yours. And I love cider.”

“Stay alert.” Umi ordered, her eyes still on the forest. She’d switched her flashlight to the red bulb, “We don’t know what we’re walking into.”

Eli rifled through her backpack, finally finding a chocolate bar, “Just give me a minute.”

“C’mon, Umi. This is a joke. We don’t have to worry. Eli gets a little scared…”

“Hey!” Eli grumped through a mouthful of chocolate.

Maki continued, pouring herself more cider. “We find where they’ve camped, have a laugh, kiss and make up, see what our children have carved into their pumpkins.”

Umi was creeping ahead, testing out the path cautiously. “Nico’s taunts and texts seemed more...devious than other years.”

Eli swallowed her chocolate, “What did you do, Maki?”

“Everything is fine between me and Nico-chan.” Maki sounded shrill.

A howling wind noise started intensifying and the music picked up a chorus of howls.

“Sure it is.” Eli zipped up her jacket. “Hey, Umi, are you liquid proofed?”

“Why?”

“Just a feeling.”

“This is ridiculous.” Maki bulled ahead, swinging her backpack over her shoulder, strides confident until she tripped her way through a pile of leaves, twisting as she stumbled down the path. Suddenly orange flickering eyes lit in the gaps between the trees, so many Maki couldn’t immediately count them. She’d barely registered that they were carved pumpkins when they started to foam, fluorescent green fizzing as it seeped out and spread from both sides. Then there was a rustle a few steps ahead, and a huge pop, Eli screamed, and Maki heard things speeding through the air. And before she could figure out what was happening, Umi had tackled her from behind, and Maki was face down in a fluffy pile of sticky sweet soda foam.

Umi held them both down until she was sure there was not going to be another explosion.

“I think she left.” Umi whispered.

“She?”

“Someone had to dump the Mentos.” Umi had managed to avoid a facefull of the foam Maki was scraping off her cheeks. “What did you do to annoy Nico this time?”

###

“Mom!!! Wait!!!” 8 year old Dia was rushing as fast as she could, while trying to be quiet and keep up with Nico, who was nearly hopping with glee, giggling, as fellow 8 year old Tora danced along next to Nico, having inherited some of her mother, Hoshizora Rin’s speed.

“Don’t drop the camera, bun.” Nico stage whispered.

“I won’t.” Dia’s indignant tone carried.

Nico figured they’d gotten far enough away from the trail that they could slow down. She didn’t want to be near Umi’s deadly aim when there were pumpkin guts close at hand. She crouched down, pulling Tora in and waiting for Dia.

“That was so cool.” Tora spun, arms in the air, “Let’s do some more. Auntie Maki looked so silly.” Tora dove at the ground like Maki falling into the pumpkin foam.

Nico glanced at her watch, “I promised your moms I’d get you back to camp. It’s time for roasted sweet potatoes.”

“Those are Ruby’s favorite.” Dia announced as she pulled Tora up.

“Nico knows.”

“I can lead us back. It’s that way.” Dia flung out an arm, in a direction Nico realized was the opposite of the camp thanks to trail signs she’d left. Dia wasn’t the best with directions. She’d gotten lost in Tokyo’s train station recently.

“C’mon this way, Dia.”

“What about Mama? Won’t she be lost?”

“Nico has a few more tricks. But we need to get you back to camp.”

“I’ll take them.” A low growly voice boomed out of the trees near Dia and Tora, as hands grabbed their shoulders, Tora jumped and grabbed Nico, Dia running behind her mother.

Nico squeaked and jumped, “NOZOMI!!”

Nozomi laughed, hugging Tora, while Nico turned to embrace a shaking Dia. “Can’t let you have all the fun this camping trip, Nico-chi.”

“Just get them back to camp, okay.” Nico knelt next to her daughter, taking the camera, “Give Ruby a kiss for me, bun.”

“Okay, Mom.”

“Nico loves you.” A hug and Nico watched two little miracles follow Nozomi back to where the rest of 𝝁’s was having a more fireside adventure.

###

Maki had gotten most of the pumpkin off. Umi was searching for traps and Eli was searching for a reason.

“So, you don’t remember, Nico, your wife, a walking neon sign of emotions, being annoyed at you. Spent any nights on the couch recently?”

In this light, it was hard to read Maki’s face for a blush.

“Maki?”

“Not recently, all right,” Maki kicked through pumpkins, further soaking her boots. “For some reason, Nico got upset a couple of months ago when I mentioned Ruby was growing up and we were slowing down. I thought we were past that.”

“What EXACTLY did you say?” Eli knew part of why Nico was a walking neon sign was that Maki was sometimes impervious to hints or clues.

Maki rubbed the back of her neck. “Nico was maturing. And being a mother was a good look on her.”

“You said Nico was maturing?”

“An obvious lie.” Umi deadpanned as she returned to the group.

“It was romantic.”

Eli shook her head.

“It was supposed to be.”

“Okay, the trail seems clear ahead.” Umi prompted, as the conversation lulled, “We let Maki take the lead…”

“Why?” Maki whined.

Eli and Umi glared in response.

Maki sighed, “Right.”

“And we proceed as if we have everything under control, no matter what happens.” Umi decided. The rest of Soldier Game nodded their agreement.

Three flashlights, three friends, three sets of boots stepping bravely forward. The illusion of confidence lasted until Eli’s flashlight flickered out, followed by Umi’s, then Maki’s. There was almost solid darkness blanketing everything, wind creaking whistling warnings, and Eli suddenly had Umi in a bear hug from behind.

“I am not carrying you.” Umi grunted.

“Or holding your hand.” Maki snarled.

“NOZOMI!”

###

Tora was back. Hanayo relaxed. Nozomi had brought her back to the campsite, along with Dia, who was stacking a s’more, sitting next to a sleepy Ruby. The Kurosawa née Yazawa-Nishikino family had been camping over much of the world, and the American camp staple, s’mores, was one of the girls’ favorite treats. Now, Hanayo only had to worry about Rin, who had just taken Eli and Nozomi's oldest twin, 10 year old Vik, into the woods to meet Nico for some more mischief.

“It was so cool, Mom.” Tora was bouncing, too revved up, but Nico-time was a shot of adrenaline, “We dropped the Mentos, there was fizzing and WHOOOSH.” Tora spun, “Goop everywhere, Auntie Maki looked so silly, sliding” Tora went to leap, but Hanayo caught her, reflexes honed from decades of keeping up with Rin.

“Auntie Hanayo.” Dia was in front of Hanayo, frowning.

“Yes, Dia-chan?”

“When are my parents coming back? Ruby’s tired.”

Ah, Hanayo had planned for this. “You both are going to sleep with Tora and Rin and me, tonight.”

“Oh cool! PILLOWFIGHT!” Tora grabbed a stick and some marshmallows, “Make me a s’more first, Dia-bolical.”

Dia hesitated, staring at Hanayo. “Ruby might get scared.”

“We’ll make sure she doesn’t, right Dia-chan.” Hanayo soothed, “I know some good stories.”

“Ruby likes stories.”

A worried Teddy threw open the tent flap where she and Kaito and Kotori were playing Animal Crossing. “Mommy, Aunt Nico’s new video message is about Mom’s flashlight dying. She sounds mean”

Nozomi growled and grabbed her phone, texting, “NICO-CHI? No flashlight?”

A quick answer.

N: Have a plan. Stand down. Don’t text me.

Kotori, her hand on her 5 year old son Kaito’s shoulder, followed Teddy out. “Is there a problem?”

“Just Nico.”

Kotori giggled, “Good. Umi needs some inspiration.”

Smiling, Hanayo shook her head, surprised by how even now, surrounded by their children, in the middle of the night, in the middle of the woods, sometimes, just sometimes, it still felt like those sunny afternoons in the Idol Research Club.

###

Screw it, Maki thought, once she was near the main house, it was going to be a bath. A long, hot bath. Alone. Soda mixed with pumpkin guts was --no surprise - disgustingly sticky and if Nico, the person responsible for this, thought Maki was planning to get anywhere near her any time soon, she could think some more. Maki was going to be alone, in a flannel bathrobe, watching cartoons, eating leftover lasagna as soon as she could.

“Maki.” Umi hissed in her ear.

“What?” Maki snapped.

“This is your property. What’s the quickest way to camp?  Staying on the trail is only making us targets.”

Maki was pretty sure there was a small clearing coming up, one they’d often used to camp when it was only family. From there, it would be easy to plot a path to the house.

Light flickered ahead. Eli suddenly sped up, pushing between Umi and Maki. Umi grabbed for her and missed, hissing, “It’s a trap.”

“Don’t care.” was Eli’s reply as she rushed by.

Umi grunted, “We need to be more careful.”

“Yeah, Nico-chan’s tricky.”

Umi snorted, “Devious, diabolical, duplicitous. These are all more precise choices.”

Maki ignored Umi, grabbing a stick to prod the ground in front of them.

“HE…” Eli started to shout and then there was no voice.

Umi and Maki glanced at each other, hearing dragging noises, watching the light flicker ahead of them, shadows of movement obvious as the path narrowed, trees leaning in with a prickly tease, before they stepped in to the clearing.

In the middle of the clearing, on a slight hill, stood a tilting scarecrow, leering face carved out of a pale gourd, spotlight illuminating Eli’s coat draped over its shoulders.

A/N: Thanks to the IdolFanfic Heaven Discord server for an October full of prompts. I'll be posting these in 5-7 days chunks so enjoy. If you want to check out the server, here's a link: https://discord.gg/SGfJm6

The children are the same as in my Idol Protection Program AU, although Eli and Nozomi's twins are only two years older, not five.

[doktorpeace]

I respect you and your right to have opinions, but also fuck you, Xenoblade 2 is good

I’d rather not spend any time discussing the minor up sides of a Singleplayer Offline Only RPG that has a fucking Gachapon mechanic built in. A Gachapon mechanic that’s a soft buffer for combat progression and also is used to completely remove organic rewards and genuine player experiences based on  exploration compared to 1 and X. Meanwhile it tells a story that is just a stock standard shonen anime plot while sprinkling elements in from a story that desperately wants to be a harem anime but is stuck being in a relatively mainline AAA game instead of some game nobody’s heard of on PSVita or whatever.  Yeah I sure do love going from the themes, environments, and characters of Xenoblade 1 and X which are well written and delivered, if not over the time from time to time, to a game with such classic moments as “Mythra sleepwalked into Rex’s bed haha, I wonder what wacky hijinks will happen now ;)” “Nia randomly falls in love with Rex for no reason and then demoting herself from party member to literally a tool for him to use” and who could forget “ “The Child Robot gets forced into a nearly naked adult styled body with huge tits by her incel creator who all game has forced her to call him master and wear maid outfits.” The game literally never fucking explains shit. It sets up things like the conflict between Uraya and Mor Ardain and then just fucking completely abandons it. Mythra and Malos just have orbital destruction lasers they’re tied to for no fucking reason with no explanation ever. Jin pulls the line “This ability lets me move faster than the speed of light” out of fucking nowhere and it’s meant to be taken seriously. It then bullshits in a fucking 30 minute exposition dump at the end how it’s somehow connected to Xenoblade Chronicles 1 by Fucking Retconning It in a way that has no buildup whatsoever and doesn’t fucking make sense. It constantly tries to string you along by simply leaving out details so you hope it gets explained or resolved later but they never fucking do! They just get dropped or resolved in a flaccid, meaningless way! Jin, the ONLY villain in the game worth anything in terms of intrigue dies unceremoniously with his motive and story largely unexplored and unexplained when Lora dies offscreen in an explosion. Sure makes me want to play Torna, The Golden Country, knowing that it’s just going to lead to that ultimately huh!? Not to mention all the times it just pulls beats or ideas from either previous game without understanding what made it work. You start in a semi-secluded area, go on a job where then something Bad Happens but this time the main character almost dies instead of a girl, then go to big fucking grassland and then go to a fucking swamp that glows at night. Then you go to the only actually unique environment concept in the game with Mor Ardain and wow! That area is actually fun and memorable and I like Mòrag Ladair and Brighid they deserved to be in a good game! Then you go to a series of floating islands and then you go to a Cold Place That’s Really Vertically Built And Has Ruins In It! LIKE XENOBLADE 1 GUYS, REMEMBER THAT GAME!? “Mythra can see the future a little bit” *nudge nudge* Just like Xenoblade 1 remember! Remember that game!? “Malos has the Monado in these two fights for no reason.” GET IT, JUST LIKE XENOBLADE 1 REMEMBER!? THE ARCHITECT IS KLAUS, YOU KNOW, THE GUY FROM FUCKING XENOBLADE 1, REMEMBER!?!?!? The scene where Vandham dies is so fucking forced. I had had my misgivings before this but was still hoping it would improve but then I got to this scene and knew the rest of the game would just be Like This. Both Mythra AND Nia could have just fucking done something to prevent it. Nia is at least given a LITTLE BIT of a reason to not have (even though she IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS REVEALS HER FUCKING SECRET TO EVERYONE BUT REX NULLIFYING THAT REASON) but Mythra sure fucking don’t have one. Oh and speaking of Vandham this game goes out of its way to stop literally every fucking story important boss and tell you Why You’re Actually Losing This Fight midway through even if you’re busting their fucking ass. Anytime a boss fight gets interrupted by a cutscene in Xenoblade 1 the boss either Escapes or Fucking Dies except for Dickson. Dickson is the ONLY ONE where that isn’t what happens so it at least feels SOMEWHAT earned. If the game wants you to lose a fight for story purposes it actually supplies a mechanical reason to the gameplay so you, the player, can feel the powerlessness that the characters do in that moment! I have never in my LIFE, hope against hope, wanted to enjoy a game more than I did with Xenoblade 2. It was meant to be a sequel to a game that I could easily put in my top 3 of all time, any day of the week, so I wanted to fucking like it even if the early trailers and art style had me worried! I tried so fucking hard, I ended up doing most of the game’s content and beat all the superbosses and shit trying to ultimately come out with a positive view on it and I fucking couldn’t! NEVER has a game or piece of media disappointed me in the way Xenoblade 2 did by simply being a bad fucking experience that has no business associating with its alleged IP. It is so severely different from not only the other to -Blade games but from the entire Xeno- franchise that it boggles my fucking mind that it’s even considered apart of the same greater IP. Ask any of my friends, I play video games to have fun. I love diving deeper into their themes and discussing the comparative merits of different entries. I make it a point to try and enjoy games for what they bring to the table, even pretty mediocre games I can sit down with and have some fun by learning more about its mechanics and just having a nice little time! But not this fucking game! Not fucking Xenoblade 2. 

And, I know this was a long post. I know it was and I know it’s scathing because after a few years I still can’t let this shit go. But I’m not trying to make it so you, anon, or anyone else who likes this game, feels like they are obliged to agree with me or not like the game. I don’t want to take away what good experiences others have had with it but I do think it’s completely fair for me to be able to express the experiences and feelings I had and have kept with me after playing it. Have your fun, that’s fine, I won’t and don’t want to stop you. But in the same way I despise this game and I’m not gonna shy away from saying so.

[wisqcrafts]

19 Home Quarantine Boredom Busters!

Bored? Bored??? Complain about your neighbors, your family, the government, the sky, anything else. But I never wanna hear or see anyone complain about boredom. Sorry not sorry. There's so many masterposts of things to do and free online resources. Here are just some of my dork ass ideas:

1) Free (yes FREE) online college courses from, you know, Yale, Harvard, MIT, etc:

https://www.coursera.org/

https://ocw.mit.edu/courses/find-by-topic/#cat=engineering&subcat=nuclearengineering&spec=nuclearsystemspolicyandeconomics

https://www.edx.org/school/harvardx

https://www.freecodecamp.org/news/ivy-league-free-online-courses-a0d7ae675869/?fbclid=IwAR1a9qAE6IcqmcQpPaTmXH6q63QBCA95rntnZPY0ah_U80d8u0wa9wAIYhc

What, like it's hard?

2) "Tattoo" practice - This is a personal idea of mine. Basically, you just take some non-toxic markers to draw on yourself or whoever youre in home quarantine with that wants a fake tattoo. This isn't the best time to be getting real tattoos but you can have fun seeing what youd look like with a one. If you dont really draw, you can print designs to cut into stencils.

3) Bento "stories" - I got this idea from the mom that went viral for the creative bentos she makes for her kids. I think, for even just one meal a day, it would be cute to tell a story with each bento. So if you're living with someone, they need to wait til the next day to find out what happens next! If you live alone, make them for yourself and post your bento story online.

https://www.boredpanda.com/creative-bento-food-art-samantha-lee/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

4) Karaoke - By yourself or with others, doesn't matter, make it a party! Just search for your karaoke sobgs on Youtube. And anything is a microphone: hairbrush, remote, piece of fried chicken.... Good for you if you have one of those bluetooth mics tho.

5) Professor Day - Okay this one is really nerdy but it's more fun than it sounds. Pick a random topic, anything at all, and prepare a "lesson" or presentation on it. It could be one of your interests, an intro to a new language, or something you always wanted to learn. You can keep it to yourself, share the file online, or better: Dress the part and call your home quarantine buddies in for "class." If you live alone, teaching a class of inanimate objects would make for a silly yet informative video on your topic. Hey maybe this can catch on! Everyone can be an expert of something they're passionate about and should share their unique take on it, who knows who will be into it.

6) Miss Going Outside? Bring the experiences indoors! Like the family that made a home grocery for their grandma, you can make part of your home into something you miss from the outside world. Museum? Plenty offer free virtual tours. Cinema? If you don't have a big TV, you can make a projector for your phone with a shoebox. Camping? Hello, pillow fort and blanket tent. Roast marshmallows on the stove. Play relaxing nature sounds on your speaker. (Try the free app Relax Melodies, I love the mixing feature) Get creative with your space and what you have to make something you want. When you're really bored and missing the outdoors, Youtube or Google Streetview somewhere you wish you could go.

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/75809/12-world-class-museums-you-can-visit-online

https://www.relaxmelodies.com/?utm_expid=.P1gqxCs8TYuGTBlAbE0VkQ.0&utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F

https://newsvideo.su/video/12560164

https://www.instructables.com/id/Build-A-Smartphone-Projector/

7) Room Makeover - No better time to do it! It's good exercise and it's a creative experience.

8) New Hair Dont Care - This is the best time to try an outrageous haircut or color since you're stuck at home. If it doesn't turn out ideal, no one has to know. If you love it, great! You can try any look you normally wouldn't wear outside or at work.

9) Safe Science Experiments - emphasis on the word SAFE. Safety first, always. There's plenty of free resources online for instructions, esp on YouTube.

10) Consume All The Free Movies, Shows, Music, Books, Audio Books and even Comics Online... it's endless! So much free... And now not so little time. You won't run out of things to watch, read, or listen to.

https://www.epubor.com/10-best-sites-for-free-comic-books.html

https://www.bettercloud.com/monitor/15-classic-video-games/

http://www.loyalbooks.com/genre/Non-fiction

https://www.digitalbook.io/search-audiobooks-ebooks.html#!///history

https://documentaryaddict.com/

11) Make a Short Film - Get creative or just be silly! Try stop motion with old toys, get yourself or someone you're home with into acting, or make your pet a star.

12) Tea Party - Be a kid again and dress up for tea... but put whatever twist you want on it! Wear an old Halloween costume or something! If you live alone, video call your friends or family to join you for tea.

13) Spa Day - All the pampering you didn't have time for when work/school wasn't from home? You have time now. DIY facial. Bubble bath. Nail art. Really soak in every little act of self love.

14) Practice drag makeup, styling, and performance for fun. Your gender or sexual preference doesn't even matter here. Its all good fun! Be a drag queen or king for a day. Lip sync for your life by yourself or make it a drag race with your home quarantine mates.

15) Mystery Day - Create a fake crime scene and have your friends/family solve it! Doesn't have to be a big mess and you don't have to make it so complicated for yourself or your home quarantine fam. You could also just write a simple mystery/riddle online for friends to solve if you live alone. You can even assign roles like accomplice, police, detective, etc. Work your brain, the goal is to kill boredom right?

16) Scrapbook - or Burn Book, Spell Book, pop-up book, revolutionary manifesto, whatever. Use anything you have as a base even if it has writing: an old phone book, something missing pages, a faded magazine, whatever. Then stick any pics, stickers, printouts, tags, wrappers, etc you want. What kind of book will it be?

17) Art Therapy - Even if you dont consider it something you're "good" at, use art to express yourself. It doesn't just have to be drawing, painting, or sculpting... You can pick up a forgotten musical instrument you may have lying around and just keep trying. Youtube is life. Countless tutorials for everything.

18) Crafts Crafts Crafts - Theres so many simple crafts to try at home. 5 Minute Crafts on Youtube and various other channels offer some great yet easy ideas. Try going about it in this order:

a) Look around your house for stuff you don't need. Set aside for craft pile or donate pile.

b) Look around again for any ways you can improve you home. You need mor storage? Is your shoe rack broken? Are you always missing something? Then search online for crafts specific to that.

c) Set up a neat work space with your craft pile and some tools you can use. Note: Never use kitchen items for crafts if you still intend to use them on food. You may be able to wash them but you can't undo any damage from crafting trial and error.

https://youtu.be/AROj7nkH2LQ

19) If you have any skill that can possibly help frontliners during this crisis, do see what you can do without risking your own health. If you can sew, donate masks or even PPE suits as there are guides online for the right patterns and materials. Even just a few pieces are helpful. If you sing, sing for our frontliners. If you write, write about them. Do your research about the situation in your town. Health workers, sanitation workers, grocery staff, and other essential workers are all putting their lives on the line. All we have to do is stay home but we can make the most of it.

https://drive.google.com/drive/mobile/folders/1-Xr-67gs2qw0o44-hy-INb89I9m-wcLD?fbclid=IwAR2q0JV6uqgDW5e_m5X5ABLv86rXdQodXh4x5fYDg9_WRsMe0hQwki9PUTk&fbclid=IwAR3Oofo8FIjzwZOoLepnGxYTrST_zV1dRf6NMtoWVRQVSuho1nnqwG5esUE

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cnet.com/google-amp/news/coronavirus-face-mask-what-you-need-to-know-about-making-a-covering-at-home/

[bad-decisions-at-2am]

Black to White

Summary: Virgil and Deceit understand each other but don’t get along. (Until they do.)

Rating: T (Mentioned sexual content and minor swearing)

Pairings: Anxceit (first unhealthy Caliginous Romance later as platonic healthy Moirallegiance)

Warnings: Homestuck quadrants, unhealthy quadrant/relationship, swearing, mentions of sexual encounters, sympathetic Deceit

When it starts it isn’t about affection or understanding. It was before they were given physical forms, long before the others accepted Virgil, before either of them had anything close to a friend. Because Thomas subconsciously hated Virgil and he ignored the way Deceit helped him to stay afloat. Back then they were drawn together because they were alone and neither of them could stand it.

Without someone else to talk to, to keep him in the moment, Deceit was being driven half crazy as all of the truths and lies that the others told themselves constantly hammered against his mind. And without someone to ground him after a panic attack or talk him out of his own self-destructive thought loops, Anxiety spent more time than not curled up in his room being battered at by the shadows. So when Deceit is called to him, pulled along by the other facet’s insistence on lying to himself about his ability to handle all of Thomas’s stress, he does what he does best.

“Oh you’re so well-adjusted aren’t you? Just the absolute pinnacle of Thomas’s self-control and reason. Nothing could possibly rattle your unbreakable nerves of steel.” He hisses coldly, watching with satisfaction as Virgil’s features go from pale and drawn to tight and furious in a matter of seconds. “How would we survive if not for you?”

“At least the others know I exist.” The words have no right to cut as deeply as they do. They shouldn’t cut at all. He likes being anonymous, he likes that the others don’t fully realize how much they rely on him to keep their basic functions in check, but he doesn’t like the way the words roll like tar off Anxiety’s tongue.

He doesn’t remember what he says next, or what Anxiety says, or how they go from screaming to kissing to tangled up in sheets. But he does remember it was because they couldn’t figure out what else to do with each other. So they decided to hate. It’s easier that way.

They go back and forth like that for a while, sometimes he seeks out Anxiety, sometimes Anxiety finds him, and they yell and argue in the darkest corners of Thomas’s mind until they go away feeling a little bit better and a little bit worse.

And then they’re given real bodies.

Patton, Logan, and Roman are given physical forms first. And it’s something new and exciting (and terrifying. Thomas is working Anxiety to the point of a breakdown wondering if he’s gone insane. Scared of someone finding out he can give his fantasies shape,) and exhausting. Deceit is in high demand as Thomas tries to wiggle away from his friends without causing too much suspicion so that he can explore this new world that’s been opened up for him.

When Thomas finally figures out that he wants to try making a video out of the anomaly Deceit helps him to put on a brave face, shoves Anxiety aside and keeps things on an even keel. He figures Anxiety is going to be annoyed about that, but they’d sort it out later.

He isn’t expecting the other to piece together a physical form of his own to get back at him. (And now he knows it wasn’t fair of him to assume Anxiety’s becoming physical had anything to do with their squabbling.)

And then there are videos, more and more of them, a series, a fanbase, a story arc. And Anxiety is at the center of it. They still spend time together but it starts to shift. They spend less time taking out their frustrations on each other and more time talking about the others, about Thomas, about the show. Anxiety even speaks up for him when they realize it will be some time yet until Deceit is given a body of his own.

They still argue. Loud and angry and free in the seclusion of Anxiety’s room. But the fighting was never about them in the first place. It was about helplessness and loneliness and resentment and gradually Deceit feels those things lessen in Anxiety. The tug in his gut that forced him to seek out the other facet isn’t as strong now, even though Anxiety seems to have grown quieter. Quiet Anxiety had always meant an eruption was coming and Deceit is careful around him. He tests the waters, pokes and prods gingerly at places that used to start a screaming match at the first glance, and for a long while he just doesn’t find anything.

(He doesn’t know if he’s disappointed or glad. Anxiety’s changing, coming out of his shell, growing into himself. That’s all good. But he can’t help but wonder if Anxiety is outgrowing him.)

And then he stumbles onto a landmine. He didn’t mean to. He really genuinely didn’t. They’d just been hanging out in Anxiety’s room, he’d been on the other’s bed playing with a rubix cube that might have at one point belonged to Logan before the colored stickers started falling off, and Anxiety had been reorganizing his CDs. They’d been talking, he’d made the other laugh and the tug in his gut was gone, it was nice. But all of the sudden Anxiety’s head and quirked towards the ceiling and he’d said,

“Oh, sounds like Thomas wants to start brainstorming for the next video.”

It wasn’t a direct dismissal but it feels like one. Still, he’s desperate to hang onto the moment of peace between them. “Ignore him.”

Anxiety snickers and rolls his eyes. “Can’t, it’s rare I even get invited to these little scripting sessions. If I don’t go and give them an idea of what I want to talk about they end up having to ad-lib everything after I show up.”

“Then let them.”

“No way, I’ve just started getting on all of their good sides.”

Deceit grumbles, tossing the toy to the foot of the bed. “Yeah right, they’d be happier if you never showed up.”

Silence stretches for a long moment before the room starts to spin, Deceit doubling in on himself as the sudden and recklessly desperate tug on his powers comes from Anxiety. The shadows, little echoes of the other’s perpetual worry, surge in around them, swallowing nearly all the light in the room and disorienting him further.

“Anxiety?” He calls out into the dark, his insides tightening into knots.

“Get out.”

“I didn’t--”

“Get out!” And then the darkness is broken, a stream of light coming in from the door, and a shadow drenched with fear shoving him through it. He scrambles to regain his balance and go back to, to what he isn’t sure. To help Anxiety lie to himself? To help him through the riot of emotion his cruel offhand remark had caused? But the door slams shut behind him, and no matter how he searches after he can’t find it again.

He stays in the background after that. Watches Virgil reveal his name to the others, tries not to let that smart. (They’d been… something. Not something good maybe, but they’d been closer than any of the others. He’d thought that when Thomas finally subconsciously gave Anxiety a name that he’d be the first one to learn it.) The tug to seek out the other lessens, Virgil draws on his powers far less often than some of the others and Deceit is suddenly faced with the reality that he’s going to have to come out of the shadows someday soon.

It had been cheap to play at being Patton, to try and convince Virgil to side with him, to manipulate Roman into doing his will, and by the end of it if Virgil hadn’t been mad at him before, he most certainly is now.

And it doesn’t sit well with him. So after a week of wallowing in the uneasy feeling coiling around his gut, he finally goes to look for the door to Virgil’s room again. It’s a surprise when he’s able to find it after only a few minutes of searching.

It takes him another half an hour of staring at the nondescript construct before he’s able to raise a hand to knock. A quick little thud-thud, like a heart skipping a beat. He thinks his skips several as he waits for Virgil to open it.

“What is it?” The words are carefully disinterested. Virgil’s featured schooled into the picture of detached politeness. 

“I’m sorry for impersonating Patton.” There’s a lot of other things he could be sorry for. Sorry that he said something so unintentionally cruel, sorry for the things he said with cruel intentions, sorry he’d let his jealousy blind him from helping to set Virgil on the right path to find his truth. But that’s too much, and he doesn’t know how to say it. Doesn’t know he’s already started to make amends when he’d stopped letting Patton use his abilities to hide his sadness from the others.

But Virgil just considers him silently for a long moment before nodding, “Apology accepted.” And Deceit can’t find a lie in the words. At a loss for what else to say or do the other facet starts to turn from the door. But Virgil pauses him with a soft, “Hey, Deceit?”

“Yes?”

“Congratulations on getting a body of your own.” The sincerity cuts him to the core.

Things are different after that. There was the kind of stiff awkwardness when they were around each other that felt characteristic of a breakup. But they hadn’t been dating. They’d just been… fighting and fucking… and occasionally getting along. And since then something has shifted between them, something that makes falling back into that old pattern feel wrong.

But it feels natural when his scales shed for the first time to go to Virgil and ask for help. When Virgil can’t be talked down through logic, or positivity, or creative solutions, it’s so easy to just lie and say everything is okay until it isn’t a lie anymore. And then it becomes natural to spend hours in each other’s company talking about everything and nothing.

The other sides still don’t like him much. Neither does Thomas. (Nor a fair amount of the series’ fans.) But they’re working on it. All of them. Because Virgil likes him just fine. Because Virgil reminds them without having to say a word what it was like to be an outcast and how that made him a villain more than his actions ever did.

For his part Deceit wants to be worthy of the faith his friend is placing in him. He apologizes to Patton and Roman. He asks Logan to sit down with him and Thomas to have a real discussion about lying and the other functions he serves as part of the whole. He makes effort to consult with the others before lying when they have enough time for that. And the others still don’t like him, not how they like Virgil, but he thinks they’re starting to accept him. He thinks he even starts to feel the shape of a name starting to rise out of the back of his mind. It’s nothing concrete, but it’s enough to keep him trying.

He tells Virgil this, while they’re lying on his bed together, his head in Virgil’s lap and the other’s hands running absently though his hair. It’s nothing like the closeness or the touches that they used to share. Unlike before, Deceit knows that now he’ll leave feeling grounded and soothed. Knows that if he find himself at a loss that he has someone to turn to and help him find his way. And Virgil laughs at him.

It’s not a cruel laugh, not the biting sarcastic bark that he used to hurl at the others like a knife, but something far warmer and more sincere. Still. Deceit brings a hand up to Virgil’s face and pushes him. “That’s the last time I’m ever open and honest with you.” But even as he says it he knows it’s a lie.

“Don’t be a dick. I’m glad you feel that way.” He continues lightly. “You know I do too. The others have their own ways of helping, but you’re the only one I trust to tell me what I need to hear when I’m too far gone for the usual methods.” They lapse into a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Virgil adds, “You’re the best friend I have, you know.”

“You need to get higher standards then.” And he means it, even though he can’t imagine how much it would hurt for Virgil to take his advice to heart.

“Not a lot of opportunity to make friends when I can only interact with four other people.”

“I guess not. Especially not when you’re trying to bang one of them.”

Virgil tugs on his hair reproachfully. “Shut it.”

For once he listens. And hopes that after all the mess and bad and hurt that it took to get here that this is path their relationship stays on.

(Maybe if he plays a good wingman he can help to guarantee it.)

[ganglylimbs]

Coping

Pairing: None

Summary: Jaune stares at his shield a lot. Jaune doesn’t sleep as much anymore. Jaune remembers to eat. Sometimes. Jaune doesn’t cry. (OK, that one’s a lie.)

Warnings: Unhealthy coping mechanisms. Sleep deprivation. Eating disorder. Friends helping each other cope.

Notes: I just wanted to write about Jaune being Not Ok, as well as everyone else, and how they help each other out.

Jaune stares at his shield a lot.

It had become a habit of his, even before the Fall. He would look at his shield and sword with stars in his eyes and apprehension in his stomach. Crocea Mors had been a big deal to his family, to him, a relic from his past that pushed him to be greater than he could dream.

At least that’s what he told himself.

Now...now Jaune sees it for what it really is. A weapon to be used in war. And a reminder of a friend that was lost.

That, more than anything, is why he stares at his shield now. Traces his eyes over the golden symbols, runs his hand down the sides, and remembers a time when he didn’t wake up dreading the day before him.

                                                     ~

Jaune doesn’t sleep as much anymore.

He tried, he really did. But between his mind chasing thoughts that he couldn’t complete and the fear of what he would see behind his eyelids, there was little sleep to be had.

Eventually, Jaune got bored of dozing off, in that sweet in-between state, and waiting for the sun to rise. So he decided to put his time to better use. There wasn’t much to read out in the woods, and he was a shit drawer already without having to rely on sticks and mud, so the only thing left to do, really, was train. And train. And train.

One foot forward, one foot back. Center yourself. Then attack.

The videos had been a harsh surprise. He had honestly forgotten that Pyrrha had even sent them, what with all the running around they had undergone. But, after a frustrating night of trying to remember what he had been taught, he had given up instead to spend the rest of the night on his scroll.

And. There they were. And there she was.

Suddenly, Jaune found his inspiration again.

                                                    ~

Jaune remembers to eat. Sometimes.

It wasn’t so much as he purposefully starved himself. More like, he had so many other things to think about that eating fell away to the side.

There are days, good days, when the sun is shining high and Ruby is laughing with Nora as Ren shakes his head, amused. Those days, he remembers, can even push down the gruel that they had scrounged together and ignore the way his stomach wished to throw it back up.

Then. There are the bad ones.

Days when the sky seems so much darker and he watches Nora and Ren huddle close together for support. Sees Ruby close herself off. How can he eat, when he has more important things to worry about, like keeping the team from falling apart?

How can he eat when it feels like forcing down steel knives that threaten to cut him open and show them all the emotions crashing inside of him?

                                                    ~

Jaune doesn’t cry.

(Ok, that one's a lie.)

He doesn’t cry in front of them, or anywhere they can hear him. And he doesn’t cry for long. A few minutes, in which he had escaped from their curiosity by claiming a bathroom break, where he breaks down over the complete. Bullshit. That life had thrown his way.

He cries for Pyrrha, the girl who taught him everything. He cries for Penny, who didn’t deserve her fate. He cries for his school and all those who had lost their lives in some stupid power play that he didn’t, still after all this time, completely understand.

Jaune cries. And then he pulls his shit together. Wipes off his face. And goes back to his team. He still has a job to do.

                                                       ~

Jaune stares at his shield a lot. As does Nora. As does Ren.

The first few times he caught them looking, he wanted to be angry. Felt that flare of white hot pain. Because when others acknowledged that she’s gone, it’s like Jaune can’t delude himself into thinking she’s not truly dead. That she won’t come back, won’t somehow pin him with her spear, won’t tell him sorry, and everything won’t be ok.

He pushes that emotion down, becomes disgusted with himself. Because Pyrrha was their friend too and how could he be so selfish as to want to be the only one to mourn her?

When he’s interrupted one day, while they’re resting and he’s sitting down staring, by Nora and Ren plopping down by him. Well. Jaune welcomes it.

The staring is silent at first, each one of them remembering their favorite memory of Pyrrha, and how this amazing woman had changed their lives. They remember days of studying and team dinners and when their biggest concern was not making themselves look like fools during the Vytal festival.

But of course, they can’t stay silent for long. Especially when one of them is Nora.

“Remember that time she completely wrecked Team CDNL in front of the whole class?”

Jaune can feel his mouth twitch into a smile. “Heh, yeah. Not as good as the time she beat Opal in that hand to hand combat simulation.”

He felt Nora nod from where she was leaning her head against his shoulder. “She really had us going, tricking everyone into thinking Opal had the upper hand.”

Nora hums. And then they’re silent again.

“No.” Ren pipes up, slightly startling the two of them. “The best fight was the cafeteria one we had with Team RWBY.”

Jaune smiles and Nora nods again. Soon, they’re sharing those stories of school life, laughing at all their past mistakes.

In front of them, the shield lays propped against a tree, gleaming in the sunlight. Almost forgotten.

                                                           ~

Jaune doesn’t sleep as much anymore. So he trains. But he’s not the only one with sleep problems.

That night, he had gone through the training video more times than he could count, and he knows his body is exhausted. But he couldn’t stop. Couldn’t force himself to push the pause button and cut off her voice.

Panting, Jaune straightened his back and began again.

“You’re foot is too far forward.”

Jaune doesn’t scream as much as he lets out a small eep, spinning around with his sword in attack mode. But instead of an enemy, he’s met with Ruby. She half-smiles and gives him an awkward wave, Crescent Rose down at her side.

“Ruby?” And Jaune must be more tired than he thinks, blinking and staring dumbly at her. “What are you doing up?”

Ruby shrugs. “Bad dream.” Her voice isn’t as light as it usually is and Jaune can guess why.

“Nightmares?”

Ruby closes her eyes. “Something like that.”

They stand like that for a few seconds, waiting for the other to say something. They startle again, when the video rewinds and Pyrrha’s voice breaks the silence.

“You, uh, training?” Ruby asks.

Jaune looks down at his sword. “Yeah. Won’t get any stronger if I don’t do something about it, right?”

“Right.” Ruby hesitates again. “Would you mind...I mean...would it be ok? If I were to join you?”

“You want to join me?” Why? You’re already incredibly strong. Why would you need to train, with me of all people? He wants to ask, but doesn’t. He has some tact.

Ruby shrugs again. She seems more subdued than Jaune’s used to, less like the girl who was just making fun of his hoodie. “Yeah, well, couldn’t sleep and too bored to wait for the day to begin. What better way to pass the time than with some friendly training?”

Jaune has to blink again because oh. And hasn’t he heard that before. “Yeah, sure. You might get bored though. I’m still not very good.”

Ruby smiles and together they follow Pyrrha’s advice.

It becomes clear though, that staying up all night to train might not be the best idea when they have to spend the next day walking. So, they make a deal. If Ruby sleeps, then so does Jaune. It’s not perfect, and they don’t always follow it, but it works for them.

                                                            ~

Jaune remembers to eat. And on the days he doesn’t, his friends are there to remind them.

It comes up one day, after they are all cozy in their bags with the fire still burning a little. The night was alive with noise, of crickets chirping and owls hooting. And Jaune’s stomach growling.  

“Jeez, I can hear that all the way over here.” Nora teases. “Didn’t you eat today?”

“Of course I did.” Jaune immediately bushes off. Then he thinks about it. “I mean. I think I did?”

“Wait? What?” He can hear rustling from Nora’s side, as she moved around. Probably sitting up. “You don’t know?”

“...No?” And he honestly couldn’t remember. It had been a bad day. Ren had shut down after discovering the destroyed village and even Nora couldn’t cheer him up. They had breakfast, but it was more like they walked and ate bars as they contemplated their next move. Did Jaune eat his? Did he eat the dinner Ren had cooked? He couldn’t remember.

“Well, why didn’t you tell us.” And now Jaune could see her. She was rummaging through her bags. Letting out a small aha, she pulled out another one of their breakfast bars and threw it at him. “Here, eat. And let us know next time.”

Jaune stared down at the bar, that familiar anxiety rising up. Then he looked up to see them all staring at him.

He ate the bar.

Nora did not forget.

She would push food onto him, make sure he actually ate it. Jaune won’t lie, he resented her a little. He didn’t enjoy being pushed into anything. But Nora took his complaints in stride and continued to make sure he eat.

Ren and Ruby caught on.

They would be having a quick lunch, a small thing on the side of the road before they packed up and continue their walk, and Ren would ask Jaune if the thing he was cooking tasted ok. If he liked it and would like more?

(Jaune wasn’t completely obvlious to the way Ren would also add a little extra to his plate. Eventually, Jaune didn’t mind so much.)

Ruby had as much tact as Jaune himself did (which is to say, none at all) and would blatantly call out if Jaune wasn’t eating. It didn’t matter what they had dealt with that day or yesterday or what they would deal with tomorrow. It didn’t matter if it was a good day or a bad day. If Jaune did not touch his food, Ruby was more than willing to tell him so.

It’s still hard. Food still seemed to have lost it’s taste to him and it still feels like he’s eating knives. But the anxiety isn’t so bad anymore. Jaune will take it.

                                                     ~

Jaune cries. About as much as everyone else does.

There are times when the whole camp can hear Nora cry. Loud, ugly sobs that no one can sleep through. Times when Ren and Ruby and him could comfort her. And then, there are times, when Jaune can’t sleep and he hears it. A soft, muffled sob. A little hiccup. Jaune sits and sees her, shoulders shaking as she tries to keep herself quite.

How can he do anything but go to her? How can he do anything but wrap his arms around her and let her cry into his shoulder?

With Ren, it’s harder to tell. The man usually has such a tight control over his emotions. Jaune wasn’t sure he even saw the guy get angry before. That doesn’t mean he’s a robot though, and Jaune can see the cracks forming.

Jaune can see the clench fists and frowns, the worried looks thrown at Nora when she’s not looking. And rarely, rarely, Jaune can see the glistening at the corner of his eyes before Ren pulls himself together. Jaune tries to reassure him as much as he can, puts his hand on Ren’s shoulder and squeezes. Hugs him, even if the other doesn’t hug back. Contact seems to be the best way of calming Ren down and Jaune does what he cans. He knows it’s not enough.

Jaune doesn’t know if Ruby cries.

At first, Jaune had took Ruby’s refusal to be sad as incredible strength. She kept going, no matter how many shitty things they walked into. She didn’t stop laughing, didn’t stop smiling. Jaune could admire her for that and pushed forward for her sake.

It wasn’t till she asked Jaune to start training together, did Jaune notice that she wasn’t as unaffected as she acted. Jaune could hear her gasp when she wakes up from a nightmare. Could see her tense anytime he made a swing for her in his training. And when she’d look into the distance, frowning and somber, Jaune knows she’s thinking of everything she lost. Jaune knows she cries but can respect if she doesn’t want to show that weakness in front of them.

He wishes he could do more for her. For now, all he can do is help her complete her goal.

                                                             ~

Eventually, they make it to Mistral. Not without more pain and horror and nightmares being piled on to the ones already there. But they made it, by their own strength and victories.

And, as Jaune sits there with Nora’s head on his shoulder and Ren sitting nearby, he allows himself to think that he’s going to be ok. That they’re all going to be ok. There is still so much more for them to do, but for now, he has faith that they’ll make it through.

They can never go back to the way they were before. And Jaune will never be as “normal” as he was before. But he’s coping. And for now, that’s enough.

[boredout305]

Geza X Interview from 2005, Part Two

By Mor Fleisher Leach (2005)

Mor: Did you meet Josie Cotton from working at that studio?

Geza: Yep. I met her there and she was actually going out with Larson. I had a big crush on her, but I didn’t tell her until years later. We were together for a long time. We’re still good friends.

Mor: What got you into music production?

Geza: It was almost like an accident. It’s a funny story. I did want to produce records because, like I said, I grew up hearing all these sounds on the radio and I was thinking, “How do they make it sound like that?” as opposed to “Oh, how did they write that song?” I was interested in the overall effect of the record. I remember being really moved by the way things sounded. In those days, I couldn’t tell a guitar from a drum. I just liked the sound. Naturally, one thing led to another and I got into recording because I had my own gear and I was always a do-it-yourselfer. There was a recording studio across from The Masque and just before The Masque opened it closed down. But I was working there. I just walked in and asked the owner if I could fix up the gear and do some additional engineering, just be a handyman around the studio. He said “Sure! I’ll give you $10 an hour and you can sleep in the work shop.” And you know, if you’re working around a studio as a second engineer it’s sort of like an apprenticeship; you learn a little bit about how the gear works. One day there was a session and the engineer was drunk somewhere and the owner asked if I could do the session, so I did. I ended up doing a lot of mariachi and disco. Bands would come up from Mexico with a case of J&B and they would get drunk, including me, and they’d play all these mariachi songs. So I had a little bit of an engineering background and I was sort of interested in producing, although I didn’t really know what a producer did. Then the Masque happened which was shortly thereafter. I just started spreading the word around the Masque that I was a producer and, low and behold, Darby Crash walks up to me and says, “You’re a producer. Produce us.” That’s how I did that first Germs single. It was also my first production and Slash’s first record.

Mor: What was it like being the soundman for The Masque?

Geza: That was almost by default. The Masque had just started up and Brendan (Mullen) had a bunch of rehearsal space around the outside of it because it was a big basement. I was looking for a place to stay because I had been living in that recording studio across the street and got booted out of there. I went and asked Brendan because I’d just heard there were a few bands staying there; I think The Bags had done one show there. I went and asked Brendan if I could rent a room from him and he said that there was a room that I could rent for $50 a month. I told him I had a bunch of PA and recording gear too and if he wanted to do shows I could put some PA stuff up. I ended up just having the gear. It was not really a PA, it was something more Scotch-taped together. He had some stuff, I had some stuff. I had a bunch of microphones and stands that were useful. I also had a fairly good tape recorder so I recorded some of the live stuff too and some of that ended up being the Live at the Masque album that Lee Joseph reissued. I recorded that one my little 4-track recorder.

Mor: Where did you record The Screamers’ demos?

Geza: There was one really good one that I did in Paul Roessler’s garage. I did it very carefully but Tommy Gear tried to get me to erase the tape. That’s the famous Screamers record that’s going around the internet that always has some weird sound buzzing in the background. There’s some other stuff they did in this hi-fi shop but nothing ever sounded exactly like The Screamers except that one recording that I made.

Mor: Didn’t somebody reissue it to get rid of a lot of the buzzing?

Geza: Yeah, I did that. I put it through a processor.

Mor: How was it like recording with bands like The Screamers, who never really recorded an actual record, as opposed to bands like Dead Kennedys or Black Flag?

Geza: The Screamers were kind of a different story because they sort of snobbed themselves out of the game. They were one of the best bands going and I was their sound man. I stayed with them for two or three years because I just their loved music. I would travel around with them and always do their live sets. There were a lot of electronics behind the board because they were this electronic-oriented band, so I would add to their sound with echo and stuff like that. There would be points where they’d walk off the stage and I would make a weird gobbledy-goop sound that came out the speakers. They did a number or live things like the Target Video recordings which I mixed a lot of. I would also go up north with them to San Francisco and mix the sound for them. The thing is I never really got to record them, which is what I really wanted to do. By that time, I had a friend with studio experience, but they were holding out for a major label deal. No one knew the Jimmy Carter story in those days. I’d heard it in New York when I had gone because I was carousing with some of the old-school punkers there, and they were worried I was an investigative reporter. I got an anonymous tip from a reporter at the New York Times saying that he heard that I was pursuing this story about punk and Carter. He said “I want you to know that you’re on the right track. I’ve seen the memo, that’s all I can say. It’s a true story, but I can’t tell you anymore than that and I can’t give you my name.” He thought I was a reporter too.

Mor: So The Screamers weren’t holding out to make a multimedia movie? They just wanted to record under a major label?

Geza: They sort of wanted to get a video done because they thought they were a visual band, so they hooked up with this Dutch filmmaker (Rene Daalder) who had a couple monster movies under his belt like Massacre at Central High (1976), which is an okay movie. He was just this drunk alcoholic Dutch filmmaker. He sort of got them under his spell and pretty much emasculated the band because Tommy Gear was really like the control freak behind everything and his power got taken away from him. It was very S&M the way he and Tomata (DuPlenty) interacted because Tommy was pretty brutal, but they put out a good show and they worked very hard to do that. Tommy really revved Tomata up into a frenzy which impacted his stage performance. So anyway, Rene came along and took over that whole project and he had these weird visions of acoustic pianos! Videos! Sets! Strange things! But it was all very stupid. He’s clever and has a good sense of the absurd, but he does have this classic way of movie making. He got this Penelope Houston from The Avengers kinda girl named Sheela (Edwards) who’s a very good singer and she was going to be his “theatrical truth,” but it just never ended up turning into anything. You have to give him a little bit of credit for what he wanted to do because it was original and he really did try and worked very hard. He got a little warehouse to do some production, kind of like Green Jello before Green Jello. But you know the type of person who’s sort of a con artist? He was that way. The movie, Population: One, was pretty good. It’s fun to watch, but it’s just Rene’s work as opposed to The Screamers’. I liked it, but I didn’t like it for the same reason as other people who thought they were watching The Screamers’ vision.

Mor: After the whole LA punk explosion happened you kind of went off the radar. Were you doing anything at that time?

Geza: Drugs. I went way off the radar! I was strung out on speed and heroin and escaped from LA with my tail between my legs and went to live in this dirt barn in West  Covina. I was washing up in a horse stable every morning and going to the gym and walking a mile on a dirt trail to the bus stop to go to this junior college. Basically, I was so spun out that I completely trashed my life. I could hardly string together a sentence. I figured I’d go to school and the gym, but what I didn’t realize was it was going to take me about eight years to recover. So I was babbling for eight years, literally like somebody you see on Hollywood  Blvd. I quit taking speed, but I wasn’t getting any better for a long time.  I was still crazy. It took years before I started getting better. I went to AA for a long time and then I did start getting better pretty fast.

Mor: When you came back you started working with rap music, right?

Geza: Yeah, a little bit. I still had this fear of music because I thought it had destroyed me. I still had a lot of trouble talking and tying my shoes and stuff like that. After that I got a job in this studio and I was semi getting back to normal because by that time I was sober for a while. The weird thing is even when I was sober before it didn’t really make that much difference, but when I got into AA I really started to feel a lot of improvement in my mental space. So I got this job engineering and that was just when the whole rap wave was on and Paramount was one of the cheaper studios, so a lot of South Central rappers came in there. I worked with all kinds of people; I worked with Ice-T, Sir Jinx, Rhyme Syndicate—so many different people. I wasn’t working with them ongoing, but various sessions. I got really good at sampling and looping.

Mor: Did you ever want to become a mainstream producer?

Geza: Sure, I wouldn’t mind. I love pop music and I have no problem with any of that. A lot of people think that’s selling out, but to me it’s about the whole craftsmanship of putting together a song. I used to teach advanced record production at UCLA and I’d just go into the whole craft of production and describe it as a Rubik’s Cube. You’ve got about three minutes to basically squeeze in an entire dissertation of pop culture that has so much emotive power that people just react to it. I love the challenge of doing that. It’s like putting together a puzzle. I enjoy the craft of making a really good sounding pop record. Usually I’m known for bringing in somewhat rowdier elements to add some cool to an otherwise commercial artist. It goes the other way around too. I used to get accused of watering down a lot of punk artists. Now I listen to those records and I laugh because Black Flag said that their fans got upset when I produced one of their records (“Six Pack” 7”, 1981) because it sounded over produced. I listen to those records and they just sound like they were recorded in a steel garbage can.

Mor: Have your engineering and production techniques differentiated through the conversion to digital recording?

Geza: Absolutely. I used to do it more by the book where you’d go into pre-production working with the band in rehearsal for a while and then recording them and making sure all the parts moved correctly. Then you’d try to get everything on to each track as carefully as you could because you can’t go back and juggle stuff around. Now I just dump everything into the computer even if the parts are too long or whatever because I can just trim them down later and cut and paste everything into the right places. I don’t do as much pre-production nowadays, but I do a lot of post-production. I find that the new medium lends itself to certain types of sound so you just get that modern sound where everything’s very cut and spliced. You also get a lot of layering of different sound flavors and not much reverb because everything is in its own natural sample sounding space. It changed my whole method a lot and I really enjoy doing it this way. I was one of the first people on ProTools eight or nine years ago. I set up a whole system that behaved pretty much like a tape recorder so that it wasn’t like you were sitting at a work station. Even at my studio there’s a monitor and the keyboards are right in front of me in the middle of the consul so I can operate that and the computer at the same time while still being about to see the artist.

Mor: What interests you to work on now-a-days?

Geza: In regards to music, I’m not so sure. A few years ago, I had this art epiphany. I basically said, “You know what, I’ve been backing up other people’s art for almost thirty years and did damned little of my own.” I’m an artist and I’ve always had to work to do these recordings. I went AWOL and pretty much escaped from recording. I still have my studio in Malibu, but I’ve taught other people my production style and I have a lot of people doing a lot of the work. I’m in Downtown LA more doing fine art. I put my paintings in different shows and I’ve been really enjoying it. I do these large-format digital paintings on canvas. I take photos, screw them up on Photoshop and print them up bigger on canvas.

[ohsuperpup]

Interview with Samantha Landa of Dead Asylum By: Powell Boyer Death By Metal STL For the last four years I have been lucky enough to be able to attend 70,000 Tons of Metal. Many of you may know what it is, but for those of you who don’t it’s basically a heavy metal festival on a cruise ship. Every year we join 60 bands and thousands of metal heads and cruise. One of the many things that are great about 70,000 Tons is meeting so many people from all around the world. (I’ll share more about 70,000 Tons for you guys at a later time.) I met Samantha on my first cruise and I am very happy to have been able to catch up with her, and introduce the readers of Death By Metal STL to her band Dead Asylum. Dead Asylum was formed in 2011 and hails from Vancouver, Canada. They are a four-member group with Samantha Landa – Drums, Mike Lister - Rhythm guitar/Vox, Eric Morrison - Lead guitar and Roge Mowat - Bass/Vox. Having met Samantha, and spoken to her; I was really interested to hear her bands latest album “Death Always Wins.” I always try to go into it with an open mind, especially if I am friendly with the band on a personal level. I want to have my thoughts and opinions reflect that of a random listener, and not that of someone who is biased based on their personal relationships. At times it can be harder than others, so with that in mind I listened to it all the way through. After I listened to it, I started it over again from the beginning, then I watched the videos on their YouTube, then I searched through their Facebook and Website, and then finally I listened to their first album “General Carnage.” So suffice to say that I really enjoyed it and wanted to learn more about them, which tells me that this is a band that I could maintain being a fan of over time. I wanted to learn more about them and follow them closer; make an effort to see them when they came to town, learn their names, etc. For me, it wouldn’t be one of those bands that I would only enjoy once and that be the end of that. I could clearly see the growth between their junior and their sophomore albums, and they were significant enough for me to look forward to hearing the next. I think that if you are into Melodic Death and Thrash Metal then you should for sure give Dead Asylum a listen, or try to catch them on tour starting August 23rd. I’ll attach a link to their Tour dates below. They will be also be coming to my town September 12th, and I’ll have the opportunity to do an audio interview with Samantha, so look for that as well. As always I will post all of the bands information below. Please do yourselves a favor and give them a listen. Also, if there is something that you would like to know send me an email at Powelldeathbymetalstl@gmail.com and I will be happy to ask the band when they come through Southern California. Give their page a like, and keep up to date with their tour, videos and new music. I hope you enjoy this interview with Samantha Landa drummer for Dead Asylum. How did Dead Asylum become Dead Asylum? Mike (vox/rhythm guitar) and I knew each other from the scene and we started jamming and writing back in 2011. We put up an ad on Craigslist and found two other guys who were working on their own songs. We jammed a few times, had some beers, and realized that it was what we all needed at the time. So far what has been the response to your current album? People seem to love it, which is awesome! We really wanted this album to reach as many ears as possible. We’ve come a long way in the last few years, and ‘Death Always Wins’ best represents where we are right now. We’ve had a lot of reviewers say they liked it so much they had it on repeat and couldn’t get the riffs out of their heads. On the flip side, one guy in Germany hated it, and said he’d rather listen to the construction noise outside his window than Dead Asylum. But in our minds, a passionate hatred is better than a ‘meh What got you started playing the drums? When did you start, and who were your personal influences? I started drumming when I was 11 in elementary school concert band. I don’t really have a cool ‘origin’ story. I was more influenced by bands than by specific drummers. But I was inspired by Mercedes Lander (Kittie) because most of the bands I liked at the time were all dudes, and Mercedes was the one ‘girl drummer’ who was playing heavy stuff and kicking ass. Later on I was heavily influenced by Mike Portnoy. Can you tell me about what the metal scene is like in Vancouver? Relatively small (in terms of who comes out to the local gigs) but passionate. We don’t have many good metal venues and we’ve lost a few in the last couple of years, so we have to try really hard to make it happen. We have some great promoters and talented bands, as well as fans who provide awesome support (including some people who will go to most shows, regardless of who’s playing--now that’s dedication). But overall, we have so many incredible artists across most subgenres. Some are getting more much-deserved international recognition lately (UnUnleash the Archers, Archspire) and some stay underground. There’s a big doom/sludge scene here and lots of good thrash and death. What have you learned from your first album “General Carnage”, and how have you used those lessons in the production of your newest album “Death Always Wins”? On ‘General Carnage’, we decided to open the album with a slow intro/instrumental because we wanted to set the mood before launching into the songs. We realized this wasn’t a good idea. It didn’t represent the vibe of the rest of the album, and it wasn’t a strategic move for an unknown band’s first recording. People may have skipped the rest of our album after previewing the first track. You have to hit hard in the first 30 seconds, otherwise you’ll get ignored. With ‘Death Always Wins’, we chose our opening and closing tracks very carefully. We picked Defiance as the opener because it smashes you in the face from the get-go, it represents our style, it showcases all four musicians including the dual vocals, and so on. We decided to close with Inmate 666 because it has a different sound from our usual music (it’s straight up thrash) and it’s also a loud, fast, crazy track. It’s a short album...around 30 minutes...so why not start fast and crazy, and end fast and crazy? Maybe it’ll entice people to give it another spin. We write music we like, but we also try to write for the audience. What kind of riffs make people want to headbang harder? How can we get them to chant with us? It’s nothing new in metal, but we tried to plan carefully after ‘General Carnage’. If I were to turn on your car what band would I hear first? If I had a car, it’d probably be Mors Principium Est...I’m really digging them at the moment. When writing a new album is it a joint effort? I call the whole songwriting process a collaborative effort, although Mike brought forward most of the riffs for this album. A few of the tracks were also written partly by our former lead guitarist. I was on tour with another band for a few months, and during that time Mike was doing a lot of writing. He’d send the riffs to the rest of us and we’d listen a few times and send back our feedback. We got together to jam on the songs, which had a rough structure, and we’d finesse the whole thing in person. Some of the lyrical theme’s that you are explored in the vocals are: “revolution and political uprising, the apocalypse and twisted facets of the human psyche”. Could you elaborate on those themes a bit for me? They’re all themes of being trapped or confined, whether it’s in your own mind or by an authoritarian figure. Some songs address that feeling, while others address a feeling of freedom when you’ve overcome your personal demons or overthrown a dangerous regime. Either way, the lyrics mostly play off the idea of ‘Dead Asylum And occasionally there’s catharsis, such as in Forgotten Sacrifice. If you take it literally, it’s from the point of view of someone on a battlefield who’s about to be killed. And it talks about how that person can laugh in the face of death because they’ve done everything they can up to this point, and they’ll be free at last...that the one who’s wielding the blade has actually lost, because they’re about to be subject to further suffering and inhumanity. What’s your favorite song on the album? Defiance. It’s also the oldest song on the album (we’ve been playing it for four years!). But I love playing Between Me And The Grave because it’s groovy, and I live for good grooves. When your singing about revolution and political uprising for example, do you mean that literally as it applies to today’s current political environment or do you mean that abstractly? Maybe a little of both. I can’t comment in depth about that because Mike writes most of the lyrics, but there’s a very abstract element to it that most people can relate to in one way or another. The lyrics aren’t usually referring to specific policies, world leaders, or events. Many of the songs conjure visuals of late 19th century insane asylums or late 18th century revolutions. But in some ways, you could apply the lyrics to today’s political environment in many countries. The feeling of being trapped and people not having a say in decisions that affect them, I think that’s a theme that transcends borders and time periods. Your tour starts on August 23rd, where have been some of your favorite places to play? We love playing in our hometown of Vancouver, and we always have a good time when we play Armstrong Metalfest (also in BC). We were well-received in southern California and especially had a great time at the Riff Haus in Fullerton! It’s hard to pick a favorite. Tell us something about you guys as a band that no one really knows? Sometimes we make up dumb songs together. We all have a pretty dark sense of humor. What do you do to blow off steam while you’re on tour? We’ve played some equally dumb ‘road games’ while on tour to kill time and energy during the long drives. Sometimes it’s making up bad pickup lines, coming up with inappropriate rhymes. To literally blow off steam though, we once went for a sketchy massage in Chinatown the last time we were in San Francisco. No happy endings, though. What can people expect when they come to a Dead Asylum show? Tons of energy. We give it our all. It’s loud and fun. Mike’s great at pumping up the crowd. At our album release show this summer, we had such an insane circle pit that the fans broke a railing (oops). I am excited for you to come to Long Beach in September! What is it that you would like for people to take away from your live show? We’re stoked! Hopefully people will leave tired and happy--that’d be great. Get out some energy, and go home humming the riffs. We do this because we love it, and we live for live shows. If it ends and everyone is wishing it didn’t have to (including us), we’ve done our job. Here’s where you can stalk them at: Facebook: DEAD ASYLUM Email: deadasylumbooking@gmail.com Website: www.thedeadasylum.com