#so im very grateful for the inspiration lol

[orangewsunglasses]

"too late to be free"

i'm in love with this girl's design!!! i was so excited for the song when i saw the premiere thingy! it was cool to read his blog on the website too, i like getting more bits of story. that includes the ??? website! i have my own little ideas abt that :3 the tiny instrumental explosion in the beginning was so fun ah!!! unlike the other stuff i've been trying to finish lately, i had a lot of fun drawing this one AND finishing it! it's a miracle!!!

[gallapiech]

And that's the end of Highway of Hedonism... It's now fully finished!! So you can binge read it if you want 😌

[READ IT HERE] time to pull back the curtain

the huggerrr!!!

The direction of this one was pretty straight forward!

I don't have a sketch for this one since I simply painted over the original drawing, but I figured it could be interesting to see them side by side! It does feel kinda bad that my last few drawings were all so sad 😭 Since there isn't much art to show in this post I'll show a couple of cancelled drawings :3

I actually sketched out a little kiss for the ending where it shows the trucker hat with the updated tally! But I simply didn't have the time or energy to finish it 😪

I initially planned to make a drawing for the scene where Mickey undresses in the car. But Rory told me that the straddle scene would make way more sense. (which, true. sighhhh no undressing mickey 😪)

One of the first things I drew was thumbnails for our chapter art! We originally planned to give every chapter different art but decided to use that energy for the story art instead hehe. I had put the chapter art on the backburner for a while and when I looked back at what we had I just did not vibe with it. But I was also swamped with a bunch of other stuff so I asked Rory if she could make it instead. And I am SOOO glad that I did because SHE FUCKING DELIVERED!!!!!! The chapter art we have now might be one of my fav drawings of this entire fic!! - All the other unseen art has been made by @roryonic (I very much encourage her to show it! There's some beautiful pieces hidden from the world </3!!!!) Speaking of, once again thank you Rory for being overly ambitious on this project with me. LOL. I definitely had moments where I was scared that this would be a bust, or that I couldn't do it anymore. But your work ethic inspired me to keep going, and I am grateful for your support, both mentally and physically. Eternally grateful that you took on some of the art jobs ♥ Both thankful but sad that its over now!! 🤣 I think im gonna take a 200 hour nap now. Thanks for checking out our fic ♥

[bvidzsoo]

Love Me Like A Rockstar (9)

ー☆ Chapter 9: You (Show Me Where My Days Went)

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: cursing ー☆ Word count: 9.8k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆ Rating: sfw ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Hi, lovelies!! LMLAR is BACK!! I am sooo happy I could finally update and just write, y'all have no idea! I am so sorry for making you wait so long for this update, but finishing my thesis was super important! I still have to study and such this month, but I promise next update won't take as long as this one did! (I'm writing other stories too while writing this one, so that kinda backfires sometimes lol) I am forever grateful that you are patient and stick around for the new chapters, this story is so dear to me you wouldn't even believe it. I am also super grateful and happy whenever you leave feedback, so please, keep on doing just that!<3 This chapter only exists because I was randomly inspired, and I'd like to apologize if it's a little rusty, I always have to get in "character" when I write this story lol. I am soo excited for next chapter, I think it's going to surprise you hehe. PLS PLS imagine that airport look from Mingi when reading this chapter, the pics from the moodboard, you'll see during which part! I also have a very small surprise at the end of this chapter hehe. I hope the time jumps aren't too confusing:(( Please, listen to the song called You before or while reading! Enough yapping, I hope you enjoy and leave feedback! (Taglist is always open for those interested! ^^)

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @scarfac3 @juicy-red @sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng @deathbyyeekies @chicksmoothie @mjlbn01 @xhexy @tmtxtf @hwashiningstar @thatfavouritesong @ateez-atiny380

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

Later that day

I hate him: hey…just checking in that I got home safely what are u up to?

I blinked, fingers tightening around my phone before I locked it, leaving the message on unread. My mother’s shuffling outside my door caught my attention, bringing a smile onto my lips as I watched her struggle while bringing all the dirty laundry to the bathroom. Then, I got off my bed to go help her.

Friday (11:30 am)

I hate him: i see u still haven’t checked my message… nothing too worrisome u certainly know how to make a man yearn for you lol that was a joke…dont freak out on me pls (lowkey true tho)

Friday (12:50 pm)

I hate him: lol, wooyoung has been bitching about seulgi’s professor for half an hour now mr. kwon u know him? i mean…i suppose he also teaches u i should take a sneaky video for u…wooyoung looks like a clown hanging upside down my bed and pouting like a damn child too (dont say im also one, thanks)

Friday (15:26 pm)

I hate him: well…ik my messages are going through so uh… why tf are u ignoring me???! *cries and dies in loneliness* entertain me dollll!!! im so bored pls oh…u said u had an important assignment…i bet u’re busy with that sorry for spamming u (text back tho when u’re done, im dying here…wooyoung is with seulgi and so is seonghwa with hongjoong…the single life sucks, bestie…lets be single and depressed together<3)

My jaw clenched as I heaved a long sigh, falling back on my bed as the sun shone brightly through my open window, the light breeze making me shiver as I only wore a t-shirt and sweats. Autumn was slowly turning into winter; the weather wasn’t so warm anymore. I threw another look at my phone, unlocked it, and stared at the received messages from Mingi for a second before finally deciding to delete them from my notification center, rolling over in bed to muffle a frustrated scream into my soft, and purple, pillow.

            Saturday (9:09 am)

I hate him: i had the weirdest dream and im not even sure i want to tell u about it LOL but uh…a grisly was chasing me??? and then u appeared on a fucking white horse like a prince LOL and threatened to like…slay it if it didnt leave me alone??? honestly…what a slay, bestie good morning, btw, doll hope u had a better night’s sleep than me (and dreamed of me ehehehe)

            Saturday (17:40 pm)

I hate him: i cant believe i allowed myself to be fooled like this back in highschool yuyu and i used to play baseball for shits and giggles and hongjoong (that rich prick) rented a whole ass baseball field for us for the afternoon and let us play with some of his (rich af) friends and uh… i think i wont be able to walk straight for another week with how much running i did… hongjoong kept scoring homeruns…i wish yuyu was here to kick his loser ass (dont tell hwa or hong i said that PLS) yo doll…everything’s alright with u? uh u…really havent answered me since… yk…i stayed over and waited for the rain to stop… have i done something wrong?

I sighed and put my phone on ‘do not disturb’, suddenly having lost all of my appetite as I forced the rest of the lettuce down my throat. My mother was sipping her kiwi and apple smoothie, eyes narrowed as she muttered to herself while trying to memorize the recipe of a dessert for later. Desserts were never her forte, unfortunately.

“Is it Seulgi?” She asked absentmindedly as I took a large gulp of my own smoothie, staring down at my salad, steak pushed to the side in my plate.

“Huh?” I asked distracted, eyes still glued to the dark screen of my phone.

“Texting you, your phone keeps buzzing, my starlight.” I rolled my eyes at the nickname, but didn’t bother to comment on it. I took a peek at my mother and her eyes were narrowed at me already, video on YouTube paused. Fuck, I had to answer her now or else she’d pester me all day long. And that would be a nightmare.

“Yeah, it’s Seulgi.” I lied, trying to make my voice sound convincing.

“Well, answer her then, don’t be rude.” My mother chastised me, pressing play on her video again, pursing her lips as she shook her head at whatever the man baking was saying.

“Later.” I whispered, biting my lower lip as my eyes remained glued to my phone, stomach clenching and heart dropping.

But I couldn’t.

            Sunday (1:01 am)

I hate him: …you’re ignoring me, arent u? im sorry, y/n, i dont know what i did wrong, but we can talk about it we’re friends, after all…right?

『When you came along, I knew what was wrong

If you want to know exactly what I've missed』

            Monday (present time)

            It truly would have been a missed opportunity if Seulgi and I wouldn’t have grabbed coffee and went to sit in our usual spot in the back garden. The campus of our University was huge and that was perfect, because it meant people migrated and didn’t stay in one spot for long—at least long enough to irritate me to no end. Last week deemed to be rather rough, and I still didn’t feel like completely myself. To be honest, I thought about staying home today—and for the rest of the week—but I couldn’t afford missing any of my classes as exam period was slowly nearing, and so, I had to force my ass out of the house this morning before my mother could come and nag me about my weirdly unusual broody mood that has been going on for the past few days.

I hummed as I took a sip of my sweet coffee, enjoying the taste of warm caramel as Seulgi sighed loudly next to me, both hands cupped around her own coffee cup. The scent of cinnamon wafted from her cup and I scrunched up my nose, not too fond of the ingredient’s smell. Our classes started early in the morning today and we’d be here for at least four more hours, caffeine seemed like our only hope to stay awake and aware at this point. Given the fact that my baffling thoughts kept me up all night yesterday, I felt grateful that I was still on my feet at two o’clock at noon. As Seulgi fidgeted again, I chuckled and finally turned my head to look at her. She had a sheepish look on her face, and I tried not to laugh as I knew she was bursting to tell me all about her date with Wooyoung on Saturday.

“Well,” I started as I took a sip of my coffee, prolonging the suspense for her, “how did your date go?”

“It was amazing!” I had barely finished asking as Seulgi exclaimed, her cheeks turning rosy—and it wasn’t due to the cold air, “Wooyoung is—everything I thought he would be. He’s sweet and up for anything, he makes me laugh until I feel like passing out, and there’s just never a dull moment with him, you know?”

“One would expect that from him.” I muttered against my cup, laughing as Seulgi nudged my side, not looking too happy with my comment, “Oh, come on, it would be hard for Wooyoung to be different than the way he mostly presents himself; don’t you think?”

Seulgi grumbled something against her cup as she lightly bit into the carton, shooting me a pointed stare, “Well, yes, but…he makes me happy. Treats me well and all that, you know, he’s the perfect embodiment of what a boyfriend should be like.”

“Boyfriend, huh?” I teased with a smirk, wriggling my eyebrows at my best friend as her cheeks flushed an even darker color as she bit her lower lip, trying to mask the huge grin expanding on her lips. But as soon as I started giggling, Seulgi also broke out in a fit of giggles, hiding herself behind her wavy hair, pressing her cup of coffee against her face.

“God, I’m so down bad for him, Y/N, I don’t think you’d understand.” She mused, voice airy as she threw her head back, leaning back against the back of the bench. I chuckled and took another sip of my drink.

“Maybe I’d do.” I muttered, memories of my relationship with Yunho resurfacing. Thankfully, however, I managed to repress them as quickly as they came. They didn’t feel so gut-wrenching anymore, and to my surprise, didn’t leave a bitter taste in its wake either. What has changed? Certainly—certainly getting closer to his best friend didn’t influence the way I feel about Yunho, right? Right.

“So,” I glanced at Seulgi from the corner of my eyes as she swung her legs, looking down at her feet in the process, “how are you?”

“Fine, why?” I asked confused, angling my body to face Seulgi better.

“You’ve been…distant the whole weekend. I could barely reach you.” Seulgi’s voice sounded small and I gulped, feeling bad for making her worry about me, “You know…the last time you pulled away and disappeared, it was bad.”

“I promise you I am doing completely fine, Seulgi, you’d be the first person to know if I was in a bad headspace again, alright?” I reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. Seulgi sighed and then raised her head to look at me, lips pulled into a thin line.

“Promise?”

“Of course, I promise.” I smiled at her warmly and she hummed in contentment, squeezing my hand back as she took a sip of her coffee. I followed suit before removing my hand from hers to fiddle with my half empty cup, “I’m just dealing with some things right now. I think I’m confused.”

“About what?” Seulgi asked curiously, leaning closer as I continued to avoid eye contact with her.

“I’ll tell you once I have my thoughts sorted about it.” I chuckled, making Seulgi roll her eyes in displeasure.

“You know, I tell you absolutely everything about myself and how I fell, and you always shut me out and tell me how you felt about a situation when it’s been over for years.” Seulgi pouted, narrowing her eyes at me, “How’s that fair, Y/N?”

“Hey, we work differently, don’t try to guilt trip me now.” I chuckled and took a sip of my coffee, making Seulgi roll her eyes, “Anyways, what did you do on your date with Wooyoung?”

“We went to the cinema,” Seulgi’s face lit up once again, grinning from ear to ear, “He bought me roses, a big bouquet. And after the movie we went for a walk and ended up stargazing in his cabriolet. It was really romantic.”

I smiled, feeling happy for my friend, she deserved someone like Wooyoung, “That actually sounds really amazing…and romantic.”

“Oh, my God, are you really Y/N? Where is my friend that hates anything that has to do with romance, cute stuff, and love?!” Seulgi’s shocked face was mocking and I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms in front of my chest as I leaned back against the back of the bench.

“I don’t hate it, I’m just not a huge fan of all of those things, okay?!” I shrugged, letting my arms fall from my chest as I pushed them inside my coat’s pockets.

“Who’s the culprit?” When I raised my eyebrows at Seulgi, a sign that I didn’t understand her question, she chuckled and leaned closer, “Who’s the man that’s changing your views on life, huh?”

“Man?” I asked with a scoff, giving Seulgi a deadpanned expression, “Does it always have to be about a man? Can’t it be just the fact that I had a change of mind?”

“Sure, because of someone.” Seulgi had a smug look on her face, acting as if she won the argument. But there was no argument here and she had no idea what she was talking about.

“Whatever—” But I got cut off as her phone dinged loudly. Seulgi, very comically, scrambled to reach for her phone and as she opened it up, a wide grin stretched onto her lips. It didn’t take two braincells to realize who had texted her, and thus, I chuckled and turned my head. I sipped my coffee, taking in my environment while Seulgi answered her boyfriend, giggling quietly every now and then.

The campus was finally silent and not as busy as it usually was in the early morning hours. The cold weather also helped in keeping the garden a little quieter as most people preferred to stay inside the warm corridors and classrooms. But the chilly air was good, it soothed my nerves and erased thoughts that weren’t productive. Similar to that, were the emotions that I didn’t want to deal with again, like the guilt that’s never left me ever since Mingi walked out of my house wearing Yunho’s old clothes. It felt wrong letting him take them without knowing the truth about them, but I didn’t feel ready to tell him yet about the truth. I was scared, surprisingly, of what he’d think of me once he found out about Yunho and I. I was scared that—he’d walk away, like Yunho had once done. And that was a very frightening thought. But when had I become so attached to Mingi? When has Mingi managed to infiltrate himself so thoroughly in my life, that the thought of completely losing him became scary? And why was I taking the past few days so badly? It’s not like we were as close as Seulgi and I, or him and Seonghwa and Wooyoung, yet, ignoring him felt like the wrong move to do. However, the reasoning I always circled back to was the fact that I needed space. I had to clear my mind, to find the purpose of this whole friendship that’s been blooming between us, and to make sense of everything. I had to figure out first why Yunho barely scraped my thoughts now, and why was it was Mingi who I found myself thinking of so often. In case you were wondering, no, I still haven’t found the reason, and it was becoming frustrating quite quickly. That near kiss was a—mistake. Yet, it could have been so much worse—it could have been a real kiss. And a real kiss would have ruined everything. I didn’t want to open up to anyone just yet, not when the memories of Yunho still haunted me in my dreams and drawings. Drawings that now more often than not consisted of Song Mingi.

And to my horror, the flipping of paper sheets is what alerted me back to my surroundings as I had been lost in my thoughts, oblivious to Seulgi putting her phone down and grabbing my sketchbook that lay between the two of us on the bench. As I turned my head, my eyes widened as Seulgi’s expression held surprise but amusement as well. She chuckled as she looked up, making eye contact with me. I lunged forward in an instant, trying to take my sketchbook out of her hands, but she leaned back and away, putting it behind herself.

“Bitch, I’m not the only one who’s down bad for a man.” She said with a laugh, making me groan as I gave up trying to snatch my sketchbook back from her.

“I’m not down bad for a man, Seulgi, stop this non-sense.” I hissed, cheeks burning in embarrassment as she kept flipping through my drawings.

“Please,” She scoffed, turning my sketchbook around and making me grimace as I came face to face with an exact replica of Mingi, sitting in his chair, at his studio that one time he invited me inside, “Who the fuck draws so many drawings of one single person if they aren’t in love with them—”

“I’m not in love with Mingi, stop it!” I exclaimed, heart beating fast as Seulgi raised her eyebrows at me, looking unimpressed, “Don’t ever again say that, Seulgi.”

“Okay, calm down, whatever. You’re not in love with Mingi.” She chuckled, closing my sketchbook but she didn’t hand it back yet, “But let’s face it, Y/N, you have a thing for Mingi. It’s super freaking obvious even without the drawings.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I hissed and finally snatched the sketchbook out of her hands, clutching it to my chest. I knew bringing this along today would turn out to be a mistake, and here I was, facing the repercussions of my actions.

“There’s this glint in your eyes whenever you look at him—”

“Yeah, it’s called dislike.” I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

“And I see how you struggle to refrain yourself from smiling when you’re around him—”

“Bitch, be for real, Mingi and I aren’t even often together around you for you to notice that.” I scoffed, completely appealed by whatever absurd claims my best friend was making.

“So you’re not denying it—would it really be so bad if you liked Mingi?” But Seulgi ignored all my interruption as she raised her eyebrows at me, smiling softly, “He’s a nice guy. Very well-mannered and with a big, and good heart. Wooyoung loves him a lot and is always worrying about him. He says Mingi hasn’t been the same ever since his best friend moved away for college—”

“Mingi is Yunho’s best friend!” I blurted out before I could stop myself, finally feeling like a stone was taken off my chest as I bit my lower lip, averting my eyes from Seulgi’s shocked expression, “Mingi is the best friend Yunho had always talked so much about while we were together. I—do you understand why it would be so bad if I ended up liking Mingi?”

“Y/N,” Seulgi whispered, eyebrows furrowed, “for how long have you know?”

“Long enough.” I muttered before clearing my throat, “So please understand that I’m not ready for whatever the hell me drawing all those sketches of Mingi could mean. A month ago I was close to bursting out crying even at the thought of Yunho, and now I fail to remember his existence on my best days.”

When I dared take a peek at Seulgi, she was smiling softly, almost proudly, “Fine, I’ll pester you about this later on, when you’ve figured things out, but until then—you can’t deny Mingi isn’t hot—”

“Can we stop talking about Min—”

“Hi, girls!” I jumped in fright at the overly excited and shrill greeting as both Seulgi and I turned our heads to be met with…Wooyoung and Mingi. Speak of the devil. Suddenly, there was a lump in my throat, and my heart started beating just a little bit faster as my eyes fell on Mingi’s tall form. It didn’t help that underneath his coat he was wearing Yunho’s sweater—the one I had given him.

“Hi.” Seulgi giggled as Wooyoung leaned down to press a kiss against her cheek, the two looking sickly in love. It was actually endearing, but I’d never admit it out loud for my own sake as I knew I’d get teased about it by Seulgi. I averted my eyes from Wooyoung and Seulgi as they were muttering things to each other, and so, had no choice but to look up at Mingi, who looked—expressionless. Something in my stomach dropped at his cold demeanor, and it was worse that I wanted to assume it was my fault that he looked like that. But just as I was about to look away, he cracked the tiniest smile ever, and I exhaled, licking my lips.

“Hi.” My voice was small as I gulped, eyes trans-fixated on the tall man as his smile became just a little wider. I don’t think I had the power to ignore him anymore, not when he was standing right in front of me, looking like he wished to be anywhere but here.

“Hi, Y/N.” Having not heard his voice in days, it sounded even deeper and raspier than usually, making butterflies erupt in my stomach as my grip tightened around my sketchbook. I felt a little awkward, perhaps even tense, as Mingi didn’t say anything else, just continued gazing down at me with his sharp dark brown eyes boring into my own. I had so many things that I could’ve said to him, but I felt tongue tied. I didn’t know what would be the right way to approach him after I ignored him for so many days. Would he understand? Is he mad at me now? Does he hate me now? Will he forgive me—

“Okay,” Wooyoung chuckled, syllable drawn out and sounding amused, “I feel like I’m interrupting something here, yet they are basically just staring at each other.”

“You’re right.” Seulgi giggled, and I finally looked away from Mingi, throwing a glare at my best friend as she had leaned into Wooyoung’s side, who stood next to the bench and her.

“Shush, you two.” Mingi beat me to telling the two love-birds off, and I couldn’t help but smile, “Don’t poke your nose where it doesn’t belong to.”

“Look who’s lecturing me about poking my nose where it doesn’t belong to—”

“Wooyoung.” Mingi’s tone held a warning, and it made Wooyoung giggle as he leaned down and pressed a fat kiss against Seulgi’s cheek—again—making her push him away playfully.

“We’re headed to class, are you coming over later?” Wooyoung smiled down at his girlfriend, playing with a strand of her hair.

“Maybe, if I get to finish my project.” Seulgi said with a pout and Wooyoung hummed, leaning down to press a kiss against her lips this time around. I averted my eyes, not a fan of seeing couples kiss, only to catch Mingi already looking at me. He was expressionless once again, but he was fidgeting with his fingers, looking almost nervous. And as Wooyoung stood up straight and ruffled Seulgi’s hair affectionately, Mingi took a deep breath.

“Will you come to Outlaw this Friday?” He asked in a rush, sounding almost reluctant as his eyebrows furrowed slightly and he chewed on his lower lip. To my horror, I found my eyes fixated on his plush mouth and I gulped before I quickly averted my eyes, praying that nobody caught it.

“Yes.” I answered before Seulgi could, and nodded, smiling a little bit, “I won’t miss it.”

A beautiful smile spread on Mingi’s lips and he nodded once, looking too happy for something so little. I don’t think I’ll understand anytime soon why he gets so excited and happy when I listen to his songs or watch him perform. I’m no expert when it comes to music, my feedback is merely amateur and I’m not even a fan of his band yet.

“Cool, see you then.” And Mingi didn’t wait for Wooyoung as he turned around and walked away, steps hurried. I didn’t miss the confused glance Wooyoung and Seulgi shared before Wooyoung was off, chasing after his best friend. And maybe I would be soon able to make sense of my thoughts and feelings around Mingi, figure out what they meant and why they felt so real at times.

            Monday (16:58 pm)

I hate him: hi Me: hi I hate him: would it be a lot if i asked to meet u tomorrow? Me: no, im free in the afternoon I hate him: cool, me too so uh…we can hang out in my studio? Me: or we can go to that new café with pottery I hate him: really? Me: u did say u wanted us to go… I hate him: i certainly said so i’ll pick u up around 4 Me: u don’t have to i’ll meet you there I hate him: come on, y/n…let me drive u Me: u’ve driven me around too many times by now i’ll meet u there and that’s final. I hate him: okay, boss, see ya there Me: :))

            Getting here before four o’clock and having to wait in front of the cute café had no business being this nerve-wrecking. Yeah, Mingi hasn’t shown up yet—but perhaps that’s because there were still ten minutes until it’d be four—and I knew I had no reason to think he’d bail on me, but we hadn’t spoken since yesterday, when he had asked me if we could hang out. And so, waiting for him shouldn’t have had me breaking out in a sweat despite the cold weather, making me bite my lower lip harshly as I tried to smooth down the wool, green, brown, and beige patterned coat I was wearing. First of all, why the hell would I be so nervous about meeting up with Mingi alone at this cute café? He probably wanted to talk about that near kiss, and once we had that cleared, things would go back to normal—right?!

And maybe that was the reason which made me want to vomit on the sidewalk, the thought that I knew Mingi would demand answers—answers that I wasn’t yet ready to hand out. Why did I even agree to this? Because I missed him? I should have just stayed at home and done the project I’ve been procrastinating on—again. But when I heard the rumble of Mingi’s old Honda’s engine, I knew there was no turning back, catching the bus and running home to hide underneath my blanket.

As Mingi took his time to parallel park, I took a deep breath and gripped onto the strap of my tote bag harder, looking down at myself. My apricot orange sneakers matched the color of my blouse, the top two buttons out of five undone, but not showing too much skin. My blouse was tucked inside my washed out high waisted mom jeans, the black belt matching the color of my tote bag—I know black isn’t a color, I’m an arts major after all. My hair was pulled in a low ponytail just to prevent the wind from blowing it in my face, and I was thankful that I chose my wool coat as it kept me warm enough. I have opted to wear quite a few rings today, and because my neck felt too exposed, I decorated it with three necklaces of different length. I gulped hard one last time as Mingi got out of his car and took a few seconds until he managed to lock it. However, those few seconds were exactly what I needed to prepare myself to not pass out at the full sight of him.

Mingi, in true fashion to him, wore all black, except for his jeans that were a very dark shade of blue, almost black too. His turtleneck was tucked inside his jeans, a black coat with a hood keeping him warm from the cold late autumn weather. It almost made me smile upon seeing his own tote bag, black, and funnily matching mine. Except that his was plain, while mine had Claude Monet’s Water-Lily Pond painting painted on it, done by none other than yours truly, me. Mingi’s eyes were concealed by black sunglasses, and I snorted as he almost splashed himself up by stepping a little too enthusiastically into a big puddle. Two necklaces hung around his neck, reaching down his chest. A very obvious and sturdy silver cross necklace, and another longer chain that had pearls scarcely strung on it.  And in true Song Mingi fashion, his rings weren’t missing, only two of his nails painted black on each hand, almost as if he didn’t have time to finish doing them. My heart racing in my chest so fast just at the mere sight of him, certainly wasn’t healthy, right?

“Hi!” I squeaked out and wished to burry myself instantly as Mingi chuckled, a very charming smile spreading onto his lips. It was a little annoying that I couldn’t see his eyes, forced to stare at his plush lips instead—let’s be real, nobody forced me, I did it because I couldn’t help myself, “The sun is quite blinding today, isn’t it?”

And of course, in good old fashion, my mouth worked before my brain would agree to saying something out loud, and my cheeks were burning as I knew Mingi saw me look at his lips. I had to divert the attention somehow, and teasing him was my best method, actually. It always worked.  

“I’m trying to make a fashion statement,” Mingi grinned as he gripped the sunglasses and took them off in a very unnaturally hot way, “but hello to you too.”

“No need for a fashion statement when it’s just the two of us,” I narrowed my eyes, finding Mingi’s hair very soft and fluffy looking, almost as if he had recently washed it, and it wasn’t completely dry, “I’m not one of your fans.”

“Pity,” Mingi hummed, stepping slightly closer to me, “I thought I might just finally wove you.”

I scoffed, and as I was about to tell him off, he grabbed my tote bag and pulled me after himself, headed for the entrance of the café, “Did you have to wait long for me? Traffic was busier today, I had to take a few detours to get here in time.”

“Don’t worry,” I smiled as he opened the door for me and let me walk inside first, “I only waited half an hour for you to arrive, runway princess.”

“Runway princess?!” Mingi’s eyes bulged for a second before he started laughing loudly, making a few customers glance our way as we made it inside the café. I elbowed him in the stomach gently, not too keen of having people glare at us as he disturbed their peace.

“Don’t like the nickname?” I asked with a raised brow as we neared the front desk. The cashier had a friendly smile on her face while she greeted us as Mingi and I looked up at the menu, trying to decide what we’d like to have.

“Never said that,” Mingi answered with a chuckle as he threw me a quick glance, “it’s just surprising coming from you.”

“Why, can’t I call you a princess?” I chuckled, turning to face the cashier as I have made up my mind about what I’d like to have.

“Up until now you seemed to prefer the term ‘bro’, but I’m fine with whatever you decide on calling me, doll.” The look the cashier gave us made my cheeks flame up and I cleared my throat loudly, shooting Mingi a look that told him to shut up.

“Sorry about that,” I muttered embarrassed, smiling at the cashier, “can I get a strawberry cheesecake?”

“Sure, right away, and you, sir?” Her attention was on Mingi now, cheeks flushing the longer she looked at him. Okay, I could totally understand why. Mingi looked quite good right now, it was hard not to ogle him.

“A mint-chocolate cheesecake and a cappuccino?” Mingi hummed, eyebrows furrowed in thought as he looked down at the cashier.

“Plain cappuccino or with vanilla?” The cashier typed in our orders as she asked Mingi, averting her eyes shyly once he looked at her, pursing his lips.

“Plain,” He decided at last, turning to look at me, “are you not getting anything to drink?”

“An orange fresh will be alright.” I said as I reached inside my bag to fish around for my wallet.

“And would you also like to paint some pottery?” The cashier asked, pointing behind herself at all the displayed options. Mingi and I shared a look and I smiled as I nodded at him, making him grin from ear to ear.

“Yeah, we’ll paint some pottery too. Can I have a cup?” He asked, pointing at one on the higher shelf. It was a smaller cup, specifically made for drinking coffee. The cashier nodded and then looked at me expectantly.

“Uh, a mug will do for me.” I said and thanked her once she handed us the pottery and the paint that was used for painting these. Then, she tapped a few more on her tablet and told us the total. I opened my wallet to pay for my purchase, but Mingi had a card in his hands, the cashier already typing in the total sum for him to pay.

“Mingi,” I hissed quietly, looking at him with a frown, “what are you doing?”

“It was my idea to come here—”

“No, it wasn’t.” I cut him off, fingers curling into the scratchy fabric of his coat as I reached out to hold it, “I suggested we come here instead of going to your studio.”

Mingi sighed and pocketed his card, already having paid, then turned his body to face mine. I didn’t let go of his coat just yet, “Yeah, but when I drove you home during that downpour I asked you if you’d come here with me. So technically, it was my idea. Initially, anyways, it really was.”

“Mingi—” I started, but soon swallowed my words as he stepped closer, invading my personal space. My fingers tightened more into his coat and I gulped, suddenly feeling nervous due to our proximity. He faintly smelled of vanilla, it was a fragrance I didn’t except to smell on him.

“Can you not fight me on this one, please?” Mingi’s eyebrows slightly furrowed and his eyes softened up and I—struggled to breathe for a second as I stared up in his pleading eyes, mouth going dry. He looked—adorable like this, and I did not like the way I felt myself getting lost in his soft gaze.

“Let’s find a table.” I muttered, forcing myself out of the trance he placed on me, and grabbed my mug and the painting supplies. Mingi followed suit as he took his own cup and followed after me closely. We walked further inside the café and found a smaller table in the next room, closer towards the window. The walls were painted a faint orange and were decorated by white stripes that created abstract shapes. The chandeliers were white and hung low, the place well-lit for those who wished to paint pottery.

I placed the things in my hands on the table carefully, and then discarded my coat on the back of my chair and my tote bag by the leg of the table, pulling my chair out for myself. Mingi followed suit, however, he managed to almost send his cup tumbling to the floor when he took his seat. His eyes were wide as he just barely caught the cup, and I giggled as I watched him while opening the box that held all the paint. Thankfully, the table was spacious enough to harbor both our pottery and paints as the cashier brought out our delicacies. She threw Mingi a lasting look before she hurried back to the front desk, glancing our way at times.

“This is going to be a tough one.” Mingi said before scooping up a bit of his cheesecake with his little spoon.

“Why?” I asked with a chuckle, choosing a thin brush to start painting some flowers on my mug. My cheesecake could wait.

“Because I’m literally sat at a table with an arts major, having to decorate some cup by painting.” Mingi sounded stressed and I chuckled as I looked up at him, amused by his expression. His hair fell in his eyes a bit, and I found myself absentmindedly reaching over the table to brush it to the side. Almost as if realizing at the same time what I had done, we both froze. It felt like time stilled around us as I watched Mingi with a gaping mouth, slowly but surely, my cheeks becoming the color of a fire hydrant. But Mingi wasn’t better off as he bit his bottom lip, averting his eyes shyly as his cheeks turned the faint color of pink. Clearing my throat and accidentally choking as I hastily pulled my hand back, I averted my eyes and fought for my life to not choke. Thank God the orange juice was right there, I quickly took three large gulps.

“Th—thanks.” Mingi stuttered, staring at the table as he licked his lips, “Uh, it’s gotten long, my hair, I mean, I have to cut it when I get the time.”

“Yeah.” I nodded, grabbing my mug and chewing on my bottom lip in embarrassment—God, could the Earth swallow me up right now? Why the hell did I do that?! “Yeah.”

“Do you think I should change it up a little?” I paused as I had dipped my brush in red paint, and slowly looked up at Mingi, “Do something fun with it—like going blonde?”

“I hate blonde hair.” I blurted out before I could stop myself. Nice one, idiot. Yunho was blonde while we were together, and thus, yeah, I’ve hated blondes ever since. And to be fair—and this is not me shitting on my ex—but that hair color did not suit Yunho at all.

“Oh, noted.” Mingi whispered, pouting a little. I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, hating myself for the weird atmosphere I have created.

“Mingi, you can do whatever you want with your hair.” I spoke up, leaning down to try and look him in the eyes as he was busy staring at the table, “My opinion shouldn’t matter. It’s your hair. Go crazy with it, have fun, try out something new. Really.”

“But do you think it would suit me?” Mingi was still pouting as he finally looked up at me, looking quite crestfallen. My eyebrows furrowed and I tried to imagine him with blonde hair. He was quite blessed with his skin complex as most colors looked good on him, but perhaps I preferred Mingi with dark hair—black hair, more specifically. Like he had it right now. He looked—good. Handsome, even. Completely gorgeous. Fuck.

“I think it would suit you.” I settled on saying that. He didn’t have to know my train of thought, like at all. Mingi hummed in appreciation, and I watched as he reached inside his tote bag, pulling out a case that held his glasses. He took it out of the case and put it on, pushing it up on the bridge of his nose. He grinned when he looked at me and I chuckled, shaking my head as I looked down at my mug, finally starting to decorate it.

“There goes the cool, mysterious, hot celebrity act.” I teased under my breath, not expecting Mingi to hear me. But he did, and he started laughing, giving me a cheeky grin.

“Not quite a celebrity yet, but at least you admit I am hot.” Of course he was smirking as I gave him a deadpanned look, about to argue him on his statement, but he didn’t let me as he continued talking, “By the way, let’s exchange our cups when we are done. The mug will be mine and the cup will be yours.”

I tried to fight the smile off my lips, “So that you get the artwork of a talented artist for free to sell for an outrageous price later on when I’m famous?”

“I fear you have misjudged my character, doll.” Mingi’s eyes narrowed playfully, but there was truth to his words. I might just have misjudged his character.

“I still think you’re arrogant and selfish.”

“Of course you do, didn’t except anything less from you.” Mingi winked and then looked down, his cheesecake forgotten as he started decorating his cup, tongue just barely sticking out as he concentrated hard on whatever he had in mind to paint onto the cup. I chuckled and shook my head before focusing on my own mug, the silence that’s settle around us comfortable, as always.

            Mingi and I were the quietest table in the café as we worked in silence diligently in, painting our own pottery. Mingi, at times, would hum along quietly to the songs that were played on the radio. Despite his cup being smaller and easier to paint, I finished painting mine before him, and so, I took the time to savor my cheesecake even if it had gotten warm and a little too soft. Mingi was hunched over in his seat, glasses low on the bridge of his long nose, with his full lips either pursed or with the bottom one bitten as his eyebrows would furrow every time he almost made a mistake. It was a funny sight, and I grabbed my phone without thinking much, and snapped a few pictures of him, leaning lower and even closer to his face to get the funny angles, all while Mingi remained oblivious to it. I chuckled as I looked at the pictures I had taken of him, looking at him when I felt eyes on me.

“What’s so funny?” He asked curiously, eyeing my phone for a second.

“You.” I chuckled and stuck my tongue out as Mingi rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair as he heaved a long sigh.

“I’m finally done.” He grinned and I looked down at his cup, taking in the yellow chicks he had painted quite—clumsily. Well, not all of us had the skills of a painter—not that it was an issue or anything—it’s just that it’s been long since I had seen someone have the skills of a—kindergartner, “It’s pretty sick, huh?”

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from giggling and nodded with my eyebrows furrowed, “I’d give it a seventy out of a hundred mark.”

“Hey! That’s too low!” Mingi said, looking offended. I chuckled before shrugging.

“You’ll have to work on your skills for a higher mark.”

“Fine, next time you come to the studio, I’ll make you sing.” Mingi raised his eyebrows, making me narrow my eyes at him playfully.

“Oh, I didn’t know we are in a competition.”

“We weren’t, until now.” He winked and then stood, grabbing my mug and his own cup carefully as he took it to the front desk for drying. I gathered the items we had used to paint the pottery with to place them back in the box, and couldn’t help it but sneak a glance at Mingi. He was leaned up against the front counter, grinning widely at the cashier as she spoke to him, using her hands for big gestures as she was probably explaining something. My eyes narrowed as Mingi leaned slightly closer to her, only to detach himself from the front desk and walk back towards our table. I looked away and busied myself with my glass of orange juice.

“So, we’ll get them delivered to our houses once they are dry and all.” He said with a smile, sitting down, “I hope you don’t mind I gave her your address too.”

“I don’t.” I muttered, chewing on the straw for a second, “I didn’t think you’d know my address.”

“Well,” Mingi flattened his hands on the surface of the table, “I’ve been to your house twice now. I think it’s only right I remember your address, doll.”

“Right,” I muttered, “you’ve been to my house.”

Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed, and I figured he didn’t like the tone of my voice. But before I could correct myself and explain that I had nothing against that, he spoke up, “Y/N, I—I didn’t mean to scare you or—I don’t know—make you think that I want anything from you. I mean—we are friends, and I respect you as a woman and as a friend, and I know we almost—kissed. But I—I don’t want you to think that I’m playing some sort of game with you to get—to get in your pants. I’m your friend. And even if I wasn’t, I still wouldn’t do that to you.”

Hearing him say all that felt wrong. I didn’t deserve any explanation from him. I was the one that’s overreacted that day, and Mingi was the one that deserved an explanation and apology from me for the way I have acted. I knew I couldn’t completely open up to him right now, that some parts of the truth had to be omitted today, but he also deserved to know why I had pulled back. And I wanted him to understand that it wasn’t his fault for the way I reacted to everything.

“Mingi,” I offered him a small smile and gripped my empty glass for some support, “If you think you are the reason why I ignored you, please, stop thinking that. It’s—we both leaned in, okay? We were both about to kiss each other, it’s not like you initiated it or forced me to do something I didn’t want to. And nothing even happened, for God’s sake. I reacted that way because I—”

When I paused, Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed, and he leaned over the table, gently poking my hand with his ring clad fore-finger, “You don’t have to tell me anything if you’re not comfortable sharing it, Y/N.”

“But I want you to know this, Mingi.” I averted my eyes and took a deep breath, embracing myself for what I was about to tell him, “I had a boyfriend back in high-school who completely broke my heart, shattered it into pieces. And I know that happened a long time ago, and yes, I am over him, but I—I am scared people will treat me like he had treated me. I’m scared that if I let you close, you’ll just—leave. Like he did. And I know ignoring you for days was very shitty of me and I shouldn’t have done that—because quite frankly, Mingi, you deserve better—I just didn’t know what to do. I needed a few days to myself, to figure things out. It’s a bad excuse, but it’s the truth, and I think you deserve to know it. Since we are friends.”

Mingi’s face conveyed no emotion for a few seconds and I gulped, feeling nervous all of a sudden. Did he figure it out now? That I was talking about Yunho? That maybe I have started feeling something for him too, for Mingi? Would he stand up and leave? But to my surprise, a wide smile stretched onto his lips and he hummed, adjusting his glasses on his nose.

“Thank you for trusting me, it means a lot that you told me all that.” I bit my bottom lip, looking down at the table abashedly, “And I was never mad at you for ignoring me. I completely understand you, Y/N, and for the record, I have zero intentions of leaving you. And your ex is a fucking asshole for breaking your heart like that, tell me who he is and I’ll beat him up when I cross paths with him.”

There was nothing funny about what Mingi had said, especially since he was talking about his best friend, but the comically tough look on his face made me snort loudly as I shielded my mouth with my hand, trying to stop myself from laughing too loudly. Mingi started grinning like an idiot, his giggles deep, and making something coil in my stomach. When has Song Mingi become adorable instead of annoying?

“I doubt you’d want to kick his ass once you find out who he is…” I grimaced once that was out of my mouth, regretting it instantly. What was it about today that I couldn’t keep my thoughts and mouth in check? It was turning really frustrating.

“So, you plan on telling me one day?” Mingi wriggled his eyebrows, making me snort, “Like real besties gossiping and shit.”

“You never fail to make me cringe when you call us besties, Mingi.” I shook my head, taking a glance at my wrist watch. Oh, the time had flown away, it was well past five now, and the sun was going down. I’d probably have to head home soon to have dinner with my mother. I was becoming hungry too.

“Well, that’s what we are so…” He cleared his throat before slowly standing up, making me look up at him, “Did you know today we’re celebrating the Festival of Light?”

“Nope, I had no idea.” I shook my head, standing up too as Mingi wore his coat, “I don’t follow the events our city organizes.”

“Pity, it’s really pretty.” Mingi pouted, waiting for me as I grabbed my tote bag and pocketed my phone, “Should we check it out?”

“I mean…maybe?” I shrugged and Mingi beckoned me over as he crossed his arm with mine, making me chuckle as I looked up at him. He wasn’t much taller than me, but his sneakers had a thick sole and they made him even taller, “Where is this festival held at?”

“Just down the street, at the Citadel.” Mingi smiled as he led the way out of the café, waving at the barista as she blushed again, making me chuckle as I subconsciously nuzzled up against Mingi’s side, the air chilly as the sun had set by now.

“That barista totally has a crush on you.” I found myself saying as we walked down the sidewalk, trying to avoid crashing into the people that came towards us. Yeah, there certainly was an event on-going in the city, otherwise you wouldn’t see so many people out and about around this time. Everyone preferred staying inside after the sun had set, not keen of the cold nights.

“You think so?” Mingi mused, bottom lip jutting out as he narrowly avoided a child that was running around, “I didn’t notice.”

“You must be really dense then.” I snorted, eyebrows furrowing as I looked up at him, “She was constantly blushing, and she was totally looking at you with hearts in her eyes.”

“How do you know when someone is looking at you with heart eyes?” Mingi’s question threw me off, and I detached myself from his side, clearing my throat as I looked ahead, pushing my hands in my pockets. He was warm, it made me realize as the cold bit at my skin now that I wasn’t nuzzled up by his side anymore.

“Well, they have this look in their eyes, you know? It’s warm, and soft, and it lasts.” I explained, feelings my cheeks heat up, “And their eyes always linger on you when you aren’t watching them. It’s like…puppy eyes, I suppose? I wouldn’t actually know, Mingi, nobody’s ever looked at me like that.”

When there was no response, I looked back to find Mingi looking at me intensely. My eyebrows furrowed as we have arrived to the Citadel, the gates open for the visitors of the festival. The place was packed, this wouldn’t be so fun anymore. I would’ve turned around and walked back home if I didn’t see how excited Mingi was when I agreed to come check it out.

“There’s lots of people here.” Mingi muttered, and then walked closer to me as I led the way inside, a little baffled by his reaction to my answer. I just merely gave an answer based on my beliefs. It was him that was acting weird now. But as I looked at him, I could see it in his eyes that he didn’t want to talk about this topic anymore, that he wanted us to drop the subject. His last comment was a way to veer the conversation in a different direction. What was it about us today making everything weird? I sighed and just walked further inside, trying to avoid the big crowd which seemed almost impossible as it stretched on and on. The Citadel, however, was beautiful as it was coated in darkness, only the little paper lamps and fairy lights illuminating the place. It had a certain aura to it, almost romantic, and I soon found myself smiling as we walked down the cobblestone path, still trying to avoid people and stick close to each other’s sides. The air was chilly but the walls of the Citadel did a great job at keeping the breeze out, and the crowd certainly kept the place warmer than it was outside the stone walls.

I found myself admiring the décor in wonder, my mouth hanging open as I took in all the little lamps placed down on the ground, following the cobblestone paths, illuminating our way. It was truly beautiful, it almost felt like the scene was taken out of a fairytale. I found myself filled with excitement and happiness as I turned to grin at Mingi.

“This is so beautiful!” I giggled, absentmindedly grabbing the sleeve of his coat and dragging him away from the path and into the dying grass as there was a panel covered with paper, and people were writing on it. Mingi remained silent, but as I searched around for a pen or pencil, I felt him watching me, “What, do you not want to write something?”

“If you manage to find a marker or pen, I will, sure.” He said with a shrug, adjusting the strap of his tote bag before he pushed his hands deep in his pockets. I chuckled and looked around for a marker, but it was hard to see it in the darkness whether they were laying around in the grass or not. To my surprise, a little girl standing next to me looked up at me with a small smile on her lips, and offered me her purple-coloured marker, saying she was done with her drawing. I thanked her with a chuckle and turned to face Mingi with a grin.

“I found one!” Mingi chuckled and took the marker from my hands, being able to reach high up where the paper was still empty, due to his height. The panel was illuminated from the inside so you could actually see what was written on the paper. I watched him as he wrote on the paper, hesitating for a second, before he stepped back and handed me the marker. I raised up on my tip toes curiously, and craned my neck to see what he’s written. ‘The moon is beautiful tonight.’

I felt a smile spread onto my lips as I looked back at Mingi, who’s expression was serious and almost sad-looking as he adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his tall nose. I craned my neck back once more to gaze at the dark sky, at the moon, and indeed, there she was, beautiful and shining brightly. It was a new moon. Taking a swift glance at Mingi, I raised back on my tip toes and stood close to the panel, reaching up, just underneath Mingi’s writing. Thankfully, I could reach just bellow it, and I grinned as I quickly drew a new moon, adding a little shading to it and dents as well, creating the illusion of a real moon. Mingi remained silent as I took a step back, admiring our work. I handed the marker to another child as I fished my phone out of my pocket and snapped a picture quickly of our artwork.

“The moon turned out beautifully.” Mingi commented once we had stepped away from the panel to let others draw too, headed back onto the cobblestone path.

“Still, it’s not as beautiful as the real one, but I tried my best.” I chuckled as I crossed my arms in front of my chest for a second, avoiding a man as he wasn’t looking in front of himself as he raced down the path. Mingi threw him a displeased look before looking down at me.

“Your drawings and paintings are always beautiful, Y/N.” Mingi said and I found myself blushing, thankful that it was so dark he wouldn’t be able to see it. I uncrossed my arms and turned my body a little to face him. There was music coming from one path, the one which led to the southern part of the Citadel.

“Are you nervous about Friday?” I found myself asking him as Mingi veered us towards where the music was coming from. He looked at me for a second, and then shook his head.

“I’m rarely nervous when we have to perform.” He said nonchalantly, the back of his hand brushing lightly against mine. My heart did a somersault against my ribcage, but I ignored it.

“Oh, you’re such a cool guy.” I teased him with narrowed eyes, making Mingi chuckle.

“I rarely get nervous, to be honest, even less when it comes to performing.” He hummed, looking up at the dark sky for a second, “I trust myself and my bandmates that everything will go well, so, there’s no actual reason to feel nervous.”

“But I’ll be there on Friday, that still doesn’t make you feel nervous?” My question was meant to be teasing, part of our playful banter, but the way Mingi gulped and quickly averted his eyes told me that perhaps I hit the nail spot-on. Well, now I have turned things awkward again. I sighed loudly, chewing on my bottom lip as Mingi remained silent, the two of us walking down the narrow path as the music became louder as we were nearing the stage. Jazz music was playing, the lady who was singing had a powerful and smooth voice that carried over the crowd neatly. There were a few people dancing in the crowd.

“Perhaps having you there will make me nervous.” Mingi’s voice was barely above a whisper and I tensed when I felt his pinkie brush against my own, making me clench my hand into a fist. But a very quiet voice inside my head demanded me to accept Mingi’s subtle request, and willing my heart to stop hammering so hard in my chest, I relaxed my hand and slowly slipped it into Mingi’s. If he stopped walking for a milli-second, I didn’t say anything about it, and he also ignored it. His grip turned firm as he intertwined our fingers together, gently pulling me closer into his side as he smiled at a mother who apologised for his son almost running into us.

I gulped and kept my eyes ahead of me, too nervous to look at Mingi. Holding his hand like this meant nothing in particular, but it was a nice feeling. It made my cheeks warms and heart race. And I didn’t have to look at Mingi to know he was smiling like crazy, his cheeks just as red as mine as we came to a stop behind the dancing people.

Have I started falling for Song Mingi?

『It's you, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh

I'm just saying it's you, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

You, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh

You're what I've been chasing

Show me where my days went』

❱❱ Next chapter

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❀ complete the forms if you're interested! ^^

so...the festival of light scene was totally inspired by me and my bestie attending it in our city lol; it was sooo beautiful and the pictures in the moodboard were actually taken by us; also, her and I kept laughing about the romantic vibes we were getting, all in all, we had a nice time...and OFC we make everything about Ateez so :))

I wrote that LOL I'm like Mingi, tall enough to reach the top where people haven't scribbled onto yet lol

also, this is what y/n's outfit looks like for anyone wondering, except for the colors as they are the way I have described them in the scene ^^

[soureggs]

I want to say my opinion on the btd gomenne gomenne fan game , i basicly have no leg to stand on but this is just my view on it

Controversial opinion but

I DONT think anyone is wrong realy in this situation,both sides are vaild.

°its very muddy and ppl try to bring in topics i DONT understand????

*I think ppl often forget alot of the Loud minority of gatos fanbase has sorta parasocial relationship with her since at one point gato was very active in her fanbase offten answering questions on the spot and constantly liking fanart and leaving comments, something not alot of creator's do ( i know the creator of sally face interacts with their own fandom too!)

But bc gatos fanbase is so niche the small amount of ppl assum she approves of everylittle thing or knows about every protect/merch ect She doesn't , it apperse to me shes often the last one to hear the news. If even(?)

( somewhat un related but im using this as an example bc its recent) vvvvvvv

// Very recently a merch creator/ seller said that her version of ren was a. l%li-con and there was some ppl who assumed gato was okay with this. She wasn't lol- i mean gato said multiple times kids DONT even exist in the games plot, BUT because gatos so lenient and open to head canons /spins on her characters thoes ppl assume she approved it \\

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Its also very hard when you make a character and then a person starts writing them using their own head canons or having alot of out of character moments

And a STRANGE AMOUNT of thoes ppl thinking its canon or cant get THAT version of your character out of their head/ fan art /wrighting untill eventually its a fanon

Even WHEN a fangame is a perfect (like said fangane) because one person dose it , some ppl with bad intention will use this as an excuse to make a upsetting fangame and wont REALY get in trouble.

Hell even ppl with good intention could do the same and completely miss interpret the characters yk??

Veteran btd fans saw this years ago -

IM NOT SAYING THE FANGAME CREATOR WOULD EVER DO THAT OR ANYTYING WITH BAD INTENTIONS! :0!! There art is grate and im sure they are LOVELY!

But keep that in mind with Everthing i said above how it might be a reasonable personal rule to have in such a small fandom. Especially if she had bad passed experiences

I think ppl misinterpret her words, not out of malice ! Im sure of it! , but (creating your own game based off my work) is much different than

(Creating a game using my characters and or plot or story)

I belive she ment ( you can make your own muderp%rn dating sim) like courten cowboys or lurking for love , lovers trophy , etc etc ! Maybe her wording was a misstranlation ? Or misinterpreted? , im on the spectrum so i have that problem too sometimes ! And Especially since gatos so flexible and vague its easy to missread /gen

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To be Inspired by a work dosent mean to use the characters or plot, just like referencing when drawing ! Example, OFF and undertail was Earthbound inspired but they both dont use any characters ect OVER THE GARDEN WALL Was inspired by Dante's Inferno! But its not the same characters pulled out and used

I hope that helps/gen

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I personaly believe stuff like that , what happened before and even in other fandom is why gato has that particular rule about not wrighting her characters at length. Not wanting to take the risk of someone miss using her characters again! /lh

I think its odd that ppl can Wright about sans undertail doing some weird ass shit and ppl dont scream about how toby fox approves of it . but they do for gato for some reason? ( if you could let me know why pls do ! )

" well ren was giving to gato so its not even hers"

That argument is silly to me, ren was giving as a gift, when you give a present to yourfriend is it yours anymore?? When a person buys an adoptable is it still the sellers?

Its not like gatos shy when saying she didnt creative ren, she was given him and modified him and still lets ppl know she didnt crate him .

Some of them use that as a talking point to say that said fangame creator is fine using that character in particularly as if hes free use, i DONT understand as someone who sells characters /designs(?)

( if you could explain i would appreciate it!)

The fangame devs are very talented the game seems fine from what i hurd! They did take creative liberties but its still very much gatos characters, I think they where respectable with them even in the contex of said game! . But i find it weird that the post says fanart for their fan game is appreciate ( at least in the English post i found prompting it) fan art of a fan game is confusing and i see how some ppl might mix the two up! Know?? like what would even be the tags? 'Sorrysorrybtd?' :0 So i can see how that could be another reason for the rule!

°I acknowledge and am so grateful that the artist. And devs worked so hard on the game and assets , im sure alot of ppl are as well! And im 100% sure it wasn't their intention to upset gato or anyone in that matter at all!

they are NoT obligated to apologize, maybe not make a second game out of respect(?) But thats their prerogative! They can do it , they wield the power yk?

BUT HARASSING ANY OF THE DEVS INVOLVED IS SO so so WEIRD???????

And making dramatic posts about it as well - it just rubs me the wrong way. Especialy using this as a opportunity to disrespect gato and ONE of her only rules she has for this very odd ( positive) fanbase. its kinda a little silly in my opinion . NOT to mention harassing the other game devs - this might make them not want to make any other games at all in the future ! D:

Please know i dont mean anything in this post to be upseting or malicious in anyway, i honestly think no one this fangane drama had any bad intentions or would do anything to upset anyone on purpose! I know its very high tension. And i would be upset too if a fangame i worked SO hard on with characters i love was met with disapprove instead of praise. And this is to say -this could have ben done better on gatos part. Thos could've ben done in privet imp

BUT im not gato , im not the other devs. im not in the positions to say ' i would've done this' bc ive never ben in that position, ive never had to deal with anything like this. So i wouldnt know what ild do in that moment ! And i think alot of ppl also forget that with all devs involved

We are all vary passonat in this fandom. But please dont start burnning bridge's over this! :'3 this fandom is already so devided due to all of our strong personal opinions it dosent realy need to be a. ' pick your side ' thing i dont think..

I am relatively new to the fandom, so i DONT know much about the past dramas srounding it, so if yall have anything youll like to say or add or educate me on PLEASS let me know and i will retract any of thoes statements !

[islandofsages]

darling heart.

summary: in which you are someone who participates in/identifies with jirai kei culture.

characters: heartslabyul boys x gn reader

tags: relationship not specified, fluff, imagines format

warnings: mentions of mental health, mentions of self-destructive tendencies

author's notes: hiiii this is very self-indulgent bc i am a jirai kei babe,, im specifically a jirai danshi <3 i might do for other dorms too, depending on my motivation lol you can find out more by searching up jirai kei tho dont just read the jfashion wiki for it, it's more than just a fashion style. also beware of potentially triggering stuff since it deals with mental health and all

Riddle Rosehearts

He’s intrigued by this subculture that you participate in and he’d ask you more about it, if you don't mind telling him - he’ll do his own research too anyway

When he finds out it's basically a subculture consisting of people with emotion dysregulation issues and is generally controversial, he checks up on you and asks you if you're okay or not

You laugh then – you’ve had your ups and downs but really, so has everyone. You hope reading about it hasn't scared him off

He’d feel like calling you a “landmine type” is too insensitive but you assure him that there's nothing to worry about and that people who participate in the subculture has reclaimed such stereotypes and fully embrace it

He’d really enjoy seeing you decked out in jirai kei fashion; he may want to try it himself but he’d insist that it's not in his place to participate, only support from the sidelines

You do get him to try out clothes that are similar to or inspired by the culture though – he seems to be comfortable in the style and you're happy that something that you enjoy can also bring the same joy to him

You’ll also recommend some songs to him, especially ones that you think would help him in studying despite the sometimes concerning lyrical content

If someone tries to bully you for identifying with the subculture, he’d step in immediately and defend your honor

“What right do you have in deciding what (Y/N) identifies with? That's what I thought. I’m always in the right.”

Through your downs and ups, Riddle will always be there for you.

Ace Trappola

He has heard of it before but he thought it was only a type of fashion, not a whole subculture with more substance to it than clothes

You’d infodump to him all about it and your journey with it, whether you just discovered it or have been identifying with it for a long time – he listens to you curiously all the while

He’s caught off guard for a moment by the more controversial and depressing part of it but he quickly recovers

He’s happy for you and glad that you’re comfortable having such a culture define a part of you

Though he implores not to do all the self-destructive stuff if you could and he’ll look out for you more just in case

He definitely thinks you rock while wearing your jirai kei outfits; it’s not his style but he wouldn’t mind trying it once, just to get a feel for the style

“Yeah, this is definitely not my thing… you, on the other hand, look pretty awesome.”

You’d give him a link for your playlist (or a playlist you’ve saved) and he’d listen to it when he’s bored – ends up adding a few songs to his personal playlist

If he finds anyone stereotyping you unnecessarily, he’ll call them out, saying as if they’re any better

Despite everything, you are still uniquely you in his eyes.

Deuce Spade

He apologizes for not knowing too much about it when you bring it up and you tell him it’s okay because it gives you an excuse to ramble about it

You tell him what it entails and how you’ve come to find out about it, sifting through your past experiences both good and bad

He tries very hard to be understanding, even if he doesn’t really get it. You’re just grateful to have his support

“I don’t really get it but it gives you a sense of community, right? I think that’s pretty cool!”

He’s also a little concerned about the mental illness part so he’d regularly check up on you to make sure you’re doing okay

He’d ask you to tell him more about your experiences with the subculture if you have any more and if anything exciting happens, you go to him first

Such as acquiring a brand new article of jirai kei clothing for example! He thinks the style is super pretty and fits you really, really well

He’d listen to the music together with you, sharing earphones and all – maybe he would even listen to them while he tries to do anything

He’ll be your guard dog and bite back whoever dares to make fun of you for being part of the subculture’s community you’ll have to calm him down sometimes

You couldn’t ask for a better cheerleader than him.

Cater Diamond

He’s always known about the subculture and although he doesn't participate in it, he thinks it's really neat

You tell him more about it and about the misconceptions people have about it so that he doesn't misunderstand

He’s super stoked that he knows someone in real life who actually participates in the subculture since he gets to see how it actually is in reality

He mostly knows about the fashion and when you come rocking up to him wearing the classic jirai kei look, he tries his best not to fanboy

He compliments you then proceeds to ask you where you got it – though cute styles like it aren’t his thing, he feels like he can give this style a try

He’d match with you on days he doesn’t feel too uncomfortable with more cutesy styles and snap pictures of you two to post on Magicam

He’d also go scouring for the music online to add more songs to his already rapidly growing playlist. He’d share some recommendations with you too!

Unintentionally got you more jirai kei friends since some people saw his posts about matching with you on Magicam; even people you already know commented on his post

“Look at us, (Y/N)! We’re totally Magicam-famous now~”

You laugh with him, head thrown back while the seeds of your relationship bloom behind where the two of you sit.

Trey Clover

He doesn’t know too much about it so he’ll ask you to explain to him what it is – to which you excitedly agree to

You tell him everything from the origins to how you’ve come to participate in the subculture – he nods patiently all the while

The mental health part of it has him questioning you a bit but he has no ill intention, he’s simply looking out for you and is worried about you

He’s supportive all the way and thinks it’s nice that you have something you’re passionate about. He’d even do his own research when he has the time

He’s pleasantly surprised when you show up wearing jirai kei fashion one day; he definitely thinks you look striking in the get-up

He wouldn’t mind going with you if you were to shop for more jirai kei-related things – he would joke you’ll have to repay by helping him out another time though

He’ll listen to your song recommendations and if he likes them enough, he’d listen to them while he’s in the kitchen. He likes that they remind him of you

“Oh, this one’s pretty catchy. …These lyrics though…”

Going places with you certainly catches attention sometimes but he doesn’t mind, as long as you’re happy and comfortable in your own skin

His name truly defines him – you sure feel lucky to have him in your life.

[nanaarchy]

Any ETA on when you'll post your Invisobang fic? (This isn't me trying to hurry you I am genuinely just curious so I know when to look for it)

HEY GUYS!!

first off I just wanted to say i am so so happy to see the excitement for this fic??? like its so crazy to me to see so so so many people hyped for it sbgkhskshgs i hope i deliver something good :") i think it's not gonna be what people expect it to be, it's a combination of factors that I haven't seen anywhere on ao3, so im excited to see reactions lol. im still happy so many of yall wanna read it,, soobbign... cyring....

during the IB months I wrote 6 out of 8 chapters, abt 3k words each? is that a solid amount of words per chapter? no clue tbh. plus I had to rewrite a bunch, oops. I really am Not a fast writer

and so much has been happening irl, ive been hella busy :( honestly i was very much hit with the ao3 author curse lmao

and thus, many delays. but I am currently finishing the last two chapters, and once I finish this one i'll start posting!!

soooo, ETA?

Sunday the 15th!!

or maybe monday the 16th. my posting deadline is this weekend so i wanna start sharing things already ^^ and i'll prooobably post a chapter every two days >:) yippee

shout out to @zillychu (here!) and @they-bite (here!) for making the art for this fic. theyre absolute angels, incredible jaw-dropping awe-inspiring breath-taking artists <3333 GO GO GO LOOK AT THEIR ART PIECES !!! thank you both for being so so patient with how long this fic is taking. YOU GUYS ARE ABSOLUTE SWEETHEARTS!! you were both so supportive with everything, your excitement really fueled me to keep going with this wild fic, and i am so so so grateful for having been paired with two of my absolute favorite phandom artists. the stars really aligned to put me on a team with the kindest most skilled more ingenious artists i've seen around these parts, two artists that chose to make art for my silly little goofy fic, and i am beyond thankful. yall are gems <3

thank you guys for being so patient as well!!! <3

[salvatwh0re]

Hey girl! you explained really well why you think affirming for others won’t help but i honestly think that if you were to affirm for me/your followers, i personally would enter regardless

also you did say that you are now wanting to help others enter the void so, that’s going to happen but if i just may add in a lil bit of suggestion, maybe you could ask us to do a couple of things like a routine and affirm that “who ever follows this routine will enter the void regardless of everything in all realities”

i think it could be fun and a nice experience/experiment cause a blogger had done this before and had many success stories! like girl if you come up with something today i’m down to do it and share my success story with you right after cause i’m that confident it would work you know?

if you enter the void easily and instantly and could be down for this, i’d be so grateful for you giving this a chance, it’s worth a try imo

(as for others who can’t enter just yet cause of their mindset or something, we know you’ve got their backs too, cause you are starting a challenge soon right so they can work on their mindset and tap in the void then!)

i know mostly everyone presses on this individualist approach that you should be the one entering on your own account but i think we all go to help when it’s required, we go to the doc when we are sick, we go to tarot readers when we need a bit guidance and etc

tldr: we go to certain experts for their advice/help when it’s required! we live in a society and we rely on others for a bit of support every now and then!

and as for me i know that you entering the void and affirming for us would be a boost that could help me enter and be done with my terrible 3D circumstances once and for all so why not try!! i’m sure many people could relate w this and be so grateful for your help too

i have been trying for the void since years atp so i just know your help could seriously change this not just for me but a lot of people who are in the same boat pretty much. Could try it as a lil experiment and then go back to your challenge of course and what you have been planning! I really hope you give this a thought! Thank you!

(also you’re really really pretty btw!!!!) and i wanna go to machu picchu too!!!

Hii! omg this was a whole persuasive essay 😱

I must say you’re very good at writing lol. I actually didn’t want to mention this just yet but since you brought it up, i have seen that blogger and was very much inspired by it (hence why i’m starting a challenge). Also my subliminals too are a part of the experience.

I know it’s not my place to decide for yall, but i know that you will very much appreciate entering on your own. I’m always here to help, and i know it’s frustrating not seeing any movement after years of trying (trust me i’ve been there). But believe me when i tell you you’re gonna be so mad at yourself when you realize just how easy tapping into the void state is. Like genuinely im not even saying this because i do it all the time now. When i first tapped in and manifested everything, I got out and felt like the biggest dummy ever (not calling yall dumb btw 😭).

The point is, yall are simply just over complicating it and i’m actually so upset that it took me so many years to realize just how easy it is cause i could’ve had my dream life a long time ago and I wouldn’t have had to go through what i went through.

With my challenge (i promise it’s coming out sooner than you expect just bear with me 🙏🏽) you’ll definitely start realizing that on your own, with a little help on my end of course. What i don’t want to do, and will not do is all the work for you. Even though it doesn’t require much work on your end, the eye opening and truly awakening experience of finally pushing through was honestly the most humbling and beautiful experience ever. Like i will honestly never take anything for granted again because i’m just so grateful that i have the ability to manifest anything I want now.

When you’re first starting out you always think about it as an escape or like “I can have anything I want”. But once you actually do and you’re able to go about life and actually enjoy it with no worries whatsoever it’s just so amazing, I have no words for it.

But like i said in one of my other posts, some things in life are worth working/fighting for, and although the void state is truly the simplest thing ever (i blame tumblr and shiftok for overcomplicating it), i believe it’s one of those things that you need to experience and go through on your own cause it truly is such a personal and intimate journey with yourself. I’ve learned so much about myself on a spiritual level like honestly i cannot even express it in words.

I know some of you guys have been trying for months and even years (i was in your shoes once too, before i tapped in i was 2.5 years in) but follow through with my challenge, don’t give up on yourself and i promise you every thing will change for the better!

So again to answer your question, yes I am absolutely doing that, just in my own way. It might be frustrating to hear (i would know i hated when people would say this when i was struggling but in the end im grateful for it), but you honestly need to do this for yourself. I don’t know any of you personally and no matter how much you tell me about yourself and your circumstances i will never truly understand you or have your same perspective on life, so in reality you the only person who can truly help you is yourself. Look within first before you go outside of you for help. For some of you, you’ve already tried everything and I understand your frustration but also have some patience with yourself.

I promise you won’t be disappointed with my challenge ( it is being very carefully crafted, also i’m just having so much fun making it!)

I hope this answer was satisfactory for you! if there’s anything else you wanna suggest that i add to my challenge go right ahead! But again in short; my answer is yes :)

[thelovelylolly]

hi there :) i loved your latest Billy fic, it nearly brought tears to my eyes. could you please do a fluff alphabet with Billy ? Thank you 🤍 keep writing, you're so good at this !!!

Fluff Alphabet w/ Billy Hargrove

A/N: aw thank you so much love! i hope you enjoy <3 (also this isn't proofread bc im tired, what else is new lol)

A: Affection (how does he show affection/is he good at it)

He mainly shows it through physical touch or little acts of service. He's not very vocal about his love, he much rather show it. He loves to hold your hand or have an arm around you at all times.

B: Beauty (what does he think makes his s/o beautiful)

While physical looks are a huge part of his attraction towards you, he really loves your personality. He loves the little quirks about you, little things that only come out later on in your relationship. It's almost like he's the only person who knows about those things, and it makes him feel so special.

C: Comfort (how he comforts his s/o after a rough day)

He'd take you out for a drive. He'd let you pick the music to blast from the speakers in the car and let you roll the windows down. He loves to hear you scream the lyrics to your favorite songs and if he knows the song, he'd sing a long, too :)

D: Dreams (what does his dream future with his s/o look like)

He wants a home and kids, but he's terrified he'd become just like his father. He knows if he pursues the family life with you, you would never let him become like his dad, but it's still a fear he'll always have.

E: Equal (is he more dominant or soft in the relationship)

It's Billy, even ooc, he's the dominant one. He doesn't see himself as superior to you in anyway, he just knows what he wants and he's gonna get it, y'know? Your happy to let him take the wheel in the relationship, but you both know that you'd take it back if needed.

F: Fight (how would a typical fight go and how easily would he forgive his s/o)

At the beginning of your relationship, Billy would pick fights over stupid things. You fought back, putting him in his place of course, until the fighting became too much and you sat down with him to talk things out. After that, the fights nearly stop, only happening over serious things.

G: Gratitude (is he grateful for all his s/o does/has done for him)

He's so grateful for you. You helped him cope with the abuse he'd gone through, you were patient with him as he unlearned toxic habits he had because of his dad, you were an angel to him and he will always be grateful for you.

H: Honest (how honest is he to his s/o)

He's pretty honest with you. He only hid and lied about things to you at the start of your relationship, but once his walls come down, he doesn't have anything to hide. He mainly stopped hiding and lying to you because he never wanted to lose you over it.

I: Inspiration (did his s/o inspired him to become a better person)

Yes, 100%. Like before, you helped him cope with the abuse he had gone through. You helped him work on himself to become a better person, a person he would've never become without you.

J: Jealousy (does he get jealous)

Yes, yes, yes. Did I mention yes? He's so scared of losing you that if another guy tries to make a move on you, Billy is by your side in a second to scare the guy away. He knows you wouldn't leave him, but he can never too safe.

K: Kiss (where does he kiss his s/o, where does his s/o kiss him)

He loves to kiss you anywhere, but especially on your lips. While he's kiss other girls on the lips, you were different. Every time he kisses your lips, sparks fly like he's kissing you for the first time again and again. Your favorite place to kiss him is the top of his head. He loves wrapping his arms around you when your standing in front of him while he's sitting, so you would press soft kisses to the top of his head. Just gentle intimacy :)

L: Little ones (how is he with kids)

Not good AT ALL. Unless they're his, he does not like kids. He'd try to put up with other people's kids if your babysitting them or something, but he doesn't like taking care of kids that aren't his. If they are his, he's one of the best dad's out there.

M: Marriage (does he want to get married)

Yes, but I feel like he doesn't want a traditional wedding. If you want one, he'd be down, but I think he'd prefer a courthouse wedding with a small reception with your closest friends afterwords. He doesn't see the point of dropping thousands of dollars on one day, but like I said, if you want a traditional wedding day, he'd be happy with it.

N: Nicknames (what nicknames does he have for his s/o and vice versa)

His go-to pet names are 'babe', 'baby', and 'sweetheart'. He isn't good at making personal nicknames, so he just sticks with the simple pet names. You do the same, usually calling him 'babe' or 'handsome'.

O: On cloud nine (what's he like when he's in love)

When he's in truly and deeply in love, his playboy personality disappears. He's a gentleman and a sweetheart, making sure you know he loves you. At first, he doesn't say it a lot, but after a few months, he'll be saying "I love you" every chance he gets.

P: PDA (is he okay with pda)

He loves PDA. He loves having an arm around you or his fingers intertwined with yours. It's mainly because he wants to tell the world your his s/o and he wants to show you off.

Q: Quirk (a trait of his that makes him a great partner)

When he loves, he loves hard. He's kissing you, cuddling you, hugging you, doing things for you. You name it, he does it. He puts his whole heart into his relationship with you because he adores you and you treat him better than anyone else does.

R: Romance (how romantic is he)

He's romantic, but not in a cheesy way. He does the dinners and flowers, but not only on special days like Valentine's day. He also gets you little gifts no matter the occasion. You spotted something you wanted but didn't end up getting? It's on your bed a few days later with a sweet, short note from Billy.

S: Security (how protective is he)

Jealous AND protective. If he gets a bad vibe from someone, he's immediately finding a reason to get you out of the situation. He'd put himself between you and danger if it ever comes down to it. He puts you before him in a dangerous or uneasy situation.

T: Thrill (does he like new things in the relationship or does he like routine)

He loves adventure, so he likes to try new things. Mainly new date locations and activities to keep things fresh. I have a feeling he wouldn't like going back to the same place over and over again (unless it's your favorite restaurant or date location).

U: Ugly (what are some of his bad traits and does he know about them)

His temper. It's gotten better because you pointed it out to him, but it used to be so much worse. He used to have such a short temper that your arguments would be over stupid little things. It was because that was how he defended himself from his dad, so that's how he reacted whenever he felt threatened or criticize. Luckily, you helped him out and now he's much better.

V: Value (is his relationship his main priority)

YES!!! Billy is head over heels in love with you, of course you and your relationship is his priority! You're basically his entire world <3

W: Wild Card

He likes to be the little spoon when you two cuddle. With your arms around him, it's a reminder that you're there with him and you love him enough to cuddle with him. It's a comfort thing, and you don't mind it at all.

X: XOXO (how often does he kiss, hug, and cuddle with you)

Any chance he gets. He loves his arms around you and his lips on yours. If you need some distance, he'll respect that of course, but physical touch is definitely one of his love languages.

Y: Yuck (something he doesn't like)

Too much complaining. He understands complaining about your day or a person neither of you like, but he doesn't like it when you or anyone is constantly complaining like they're impossible to please.

Z: Zzz (how is he when he sleeps)

Since your relationship started and you two started to sleep in the same bed, he sleeps like a baby. He snores a little bit and tosses, too, but you two are always touching one way or another while you two sleep. After a while, Billy couldn't fall asleep without you with him.

[evercelle]

hello!! ive been following from here and on twitter, but mostly twitter, since u veeery first started posting xiaoven (venxiao?) art

i wanted to let you know that your art has irreversibly changed my life for the better. ive been drawing since i was very very tiny but by the time i got to junior year of high school i had no muse and no inspiration and no direction and your posts got to me at just the right time. your use of composition and colors are gorgeous and i dont even usually enjoy this type of art style but yours really just spoke to me

working tirelessly to get “to your level” (as silly as it sounds) completely reignited a spark in me — receiving your xiaoven christmas card and being able to examine all the details in physical form inspired me to work on a huge, detailed illustration of my own! (or at least i thought it was huge and detailed at the time lmao, looking back it’s not all that great). and even outside of that, every illustration was a push for me to learn more about backgrounds, lighting, the placement of detail, expression, character design — it was a lot and im eternally grateful for it.

sorry for rambling at you !! but thank you so much for the work you do. im now broke in my early years of college so i havent been able to afford your shop wares, but i wouldve loved to help monetarily for all the good youve done for me just by existing. im not nearly as active of a follower as before (and even then ‘active’ was a stretch, ive kind of just lurked) but one of my mutuals reposted a work of yours and i felt like just kinda putting this here iunno

and im so so sorry if this is super parasocial or weird LOL :”))) i promise this is probably the only time ill have the courage to interact directly

thank you, ever :)

heyo anon!! i was pretty floored reading this... thank you for taking the time to send such a kind message. i don't think it's ever too late to come back to drawing, so i'm glad you found your drive. hope you've been having fun with every single illustration since, no matter how they turned out!

developing skills is hard and sometimes discouraging work... but i think getting to the point where you're able to express yourself the way you want must be one of the happiest feelings in the world.

[kiriwiwii]

pov: they're your deskmate ☆ KNIGHTS

♡ a/n: hey guys im not dead😭 i didn't have time to write, sorry. i hope yall enjoy this <33 and thanks for 50+ followers💕💕

♡ art by Shi_iK4 on twitter

tsukasa suou

sitting with tsukasa means you're gonna get a lot of free help with your lessons-

he wasn't really friendly when you first sat near him but you both started to get close as time passed.

you can constantly ask him for notes and even if he gets mad he still gives them lol

he has those colorful pens and he takes perfect notes HE'S SO NEAT it's unreal.

cheating on exams? no way. he would kill you.

he just studies all. the. time. you try to talk to him and hes just like "quiet, [name]!" and then he starts his speeches of course "you should study too, you know? there are upcoming exams-" blah blah and the exams are in like what- 2 months?

tsukasa is a very typical good student basically. and if you're like that too, you would get along well! but if you are not... you guys might get into lots of arguments lol.

leo tsukinaga

ok i mean,, where do i even start

he's. the craziest deskmate you could've ever had.

he's the class clown (did i even need to say this) i mean if you are also a class clown then good for you got yourself a friend

if you're not then i'm sorry. he will make you go insane.

but this goes only for the times when he ACTUALLY comes to school.

like on monday he's there doing his thing and all of a sudden he disappears. you won't see him for a week-

man just vanishes. if i did that i would be expelled

he doesn't usually give attention to the teachers, and of course he studies the night right before the exam...

i feel like he has very creative ideas on how to cheat but i dunno if he would put them into action. he says its a wrong thing but then he would help you cheat lol

there are music notes EVERYWHERE on the desk. like you're taking notes and you turn your head to look at your dear deskmate to see what he's up to but you see that guy composing. where tf did he get his inspirations from? math?

and there is also something called paper but no leo chooses the desk.

you both joke a lot tho. i said he makes you go insane but he's hella funny too. teachers get angry at you all the time since yall laugh every second-

izumi sena

he's just a. normal guy. but he is also not. i mean you know how he is

the first thing you noticed was how handsome he was when you first got to your desk to meet him- (or at least that's what i would notice idk)

i feel like he's between tsukasa and leo. like,, he is not weird and loud but he's also not a nerd. just somewhere in between.

whenever you get to your desk you see izumi just annoyed at something. nothing might've happened but he will still find something to be grumpy about-

he might get mad at you if you distract him in class or he might just not care at all. depends on his mood tbh...

he asks you for notes sometimes and helps you in return too. sure if you ask for too much he says "go study yourself, jeez-" but keep begging and he'll definitely help.

ritsu sakuma

hmm it's ritsu i wonder what can i say about him.. something very different,, something you never heard before...

can you guess it? nope never you CAN'T.

im gonna say it... are you ready????

he's SLEEPING.

bet you didn't see that coming huh

ok im sorry but that's just what he does

anyways, say hi to your sleepy little vampire friend. you are going to sit with him from now on.

he's a very cute deskmate actually.

you're paying attention to the class and all of a sudden you feel ritsu's head on your shoulder aaa he fell asleep!

not only on your shoulder but he sleeps on your lap as well. you wake him up when the teacher starts talking about something important tho.

you try to teach him everything after the class since he misses lessons most of the time :(( he's very grateful that you're helping him<3

it's really fun to study with him as well. yall joke around, but also take your exams seriously.

he would try to cheat sometimes i just know it. you guys call yourselves "partners in crime" but the only thing yall do is write some answers on the desk (and they're never useful lol)

arashi narukami

she's the sweeetest deskmate. the most normal person among the others above i swear.

she buys you coffee or some snacks before the lesson starts.

sometimes you get caught up in talking with her and just forget that you're in class lol. if the teacher complains then you both instantly stop and pay attention.

she is always willing to help if you couldn't take notes or didn't understand the lesson.

whenever there is an exam and arashi sees you're worried, she tries her best to calm you down and you study together.

i feel like she would also be organized and she has a very lovely feeling overall so it's really comfortable sitting with her.

[mediumgayitalian]

HELLO omg i love your solangelo royals AU, their flirtatious enemies to lovers chemistry in part 2 is so cute 😭 not sure if you’re planning to write more in the universe (i’m already so grateful for what you have out!!) but i just gotta say i am so curious about nico seeking asylum, and what the circumstances were when he showed up, and i desperately want to read more of EVERYTHING in this paragraph:

“Will was annoyed with him the first day they met. He was annoyed the second time, seething, really, dragging Nico back to the sterile surgical suite to fix his torn stitches. He was annoyed when Nico first shouted at him, bewilderment at this random physician treating him like he was another resident of the palace, not the only son of Hades. He was annoyed, notably, the one time Nico came to the infirmary after spraining his wrist in sword fighting and, in Will’s words, “breathed too loudly.”

i hit that ao3 subscribe button so fast 🫠

anyway, love your writing and all the snippets you post!!!! thank you!!

hi hi hi!! you have been reblogging my stuff!! i am very grateful for it as it makes me feel appreciated enough to keep posting!!

i am absolutely planning more in-universe 😎😎 i want the main fic to be long, slowburn, and will pov; i have lots of scenes rattling around in my brain but i'm still working on an actual plotline lol. if i figure out a way to start it i'm just gonna start and hope the plot finds me along the way lol

okay so the asylum thing. i have Lore and im so pumped u asked so here is my rambling:

my idea, and this whole spiel is pretty heavily inspired by this royal au series i'm obsessed with by @gatesofember (with a sprinkling of setting inspo from this fic by @percyinpanties), is that each olympian/major god is a House. so like House Zeus, House Apollo, House Hades, etc. i just thought it was way cooler than kingdom lol.

nico has been fighting nonstop w his father since bianca died. just. constantly. notoriously. they do not get along. they argue about EVERYTHING.

one day, Prince Nico of Hades shows up at House Apollo, ass o'clock in the morning, barely clinging to his horse, exhausted, and claims asylum.

uproar. basically. like thats DRAMA.

of course apollo loves drama and also cannot refuse asylum without good reason, so he graciously accepts. some fun details about that:

nico is now, before a prince, an Asylum Seeker. by status, he is not royalty outside of his own House if he steps away from the role, which he lowkey has done by seeking asylum from his own House. he has very little say in anything now.

apollo, however, has granted him shelter in the royal wing of the House, granting him a royal suite of apartments as if he was a visiting diplomat/royal/House Hades representative. this does not, technically, change his official status, but it does make abundantly clear that apollo still considers him of royal status. aside from that, he's still a prince, and no one wants to make an enemy of a prince (since he can still easily return to his throne, essentially? like there are no laws stopping him from doing so. this whole situation is just Odd and Weird and Really Good Gossip), they were all gonna treat him like prince anyway. he has the fancy clothes and still wears his circlet and often sits in on apollo's fancy meetings and shit (apollo likes his nerve).

will could not give any less of a shit.

he is the only person in the entire House and probably beyond who not only does not give a shit, and does not give a shit to nico's face.

this is insane behaviour.

will is the house physician, right. so in term of respect, he has a lot of it, but he has no authority outside his own infirmary, really. he gets a lot more respect than his status calls for because he's prodigiously good at healing. like. people tease that he can raise the dead. he can't, but. you know. apollo is the House of Drama, really, so no surprises there.

will kinda holes himself up in the infirmary?? there are a few reasons for that. one, apollo is a very artistically inclined House, and will is not very artistically inclined, so he started working in the infirmary as a kid and basically stayed there lol. the court physician before him was actually apollo's oldest daughter, hygieia, whom will adored to a million pieces and who doted on him lol. (she got him a little physician's tunic when he was seven and he literally wore it until it was threads). anyways. he feels useful in the infirmary, and its also where he does all his studies, so he mostly stays in that area of the castle. two, he doesnt get boundaries very well. he also thinks hierarchy is deeply, deeply stupid. for his own safety his friends are like hey. maybe dont interact with visiting royals and diplomats and shit. because someone is going to stab you one day. (and will is like 'well i'll just fix myself then' and they're like 'will for the love of the gods. please.') plus the east wing of the castle (where the infirmary is) is rly well lit and beautiful and leads right to the gardens and the library, so will likes it there :)

this would usually be a great mix, right? nico, who has been treated very much as a prince his entire life and has had people either walking on eggshells around him or scared of him, who has never had anyone but his father and maybe his sister defy him in his life, chilling in the centre part of the castle with the rest of the more royal members, and will, mr Authority Who? Don't Tell Me What To Do, chilling out in the east. no need to interact with each other.

except.

except.

nico is a dumbass who got hurt on his way to House Apollo. and did not tell anyone bc thats embarrassing. so he collapses right after asking asylum, and is carried to will's infirmary, who waits with his foot tapping until nico wakes back up and tears into him 😭😭 calling him the biggest dumbass to ever cross these lands and getting quite creative with it, really, absolutely running his mouth, and as soon as nico recovers from being bewildered (does not take long) he is like you??? cannot fucking talk to me like that???? i am the prince of ghosts???? fucker??? who do you think you are talking to??? and will is like i brought you back into this world, you fucker, i will send your ass right back out of it if you dont sit down and shut up and write down these recovery instructions. and nico is like ???? meanwhile the nurses in the infirmery who know will's stubborn ass are GIGGLING. like they think hes gonna die but at least its funny.

everyone lowkey expects nico to tattle to apollo and get will thrown out or something.

nico does not. which is weird, because, like, maybe he usually would?? but will makes him so mad he cant even think straight. the second hes released from the infirmary he stomps to his new quarters, seething. he shows up in the infirmary next day with the full intent to start an argument. instead, will tries to put him to WORK. and then gets irritable when nico refuses and kicks him out.

just absolutely insane behaviour. if anyone talked to nico like that in his House theyd be arrested, if not excecuted. hell, if will says this shit in front of apollo he might still get arrested, because what. but nico keeps going back and continues to get humbled by will basically every day.

and, ho ho, what happens?? does he maybe begin to care about will?? no. of course not. will is a pain in his ass.

insert part two here, blah blah blah, nico very obviously does care about will and its embarrassing

he realises right after this that he cares about will. although theres still a layer of denial over it bc will is his fucking nemesis, a pain in his ass, and also a Whole Ass Guy, so.

will begrudgingly allows nico to drag him out of the infirmary on occasion.

he has to admit, that when nico isnt being a diva, he is.

kind of.

charming.

a little.

if he had a knife to his throat, he would admit this.

maybe.

in terms of falling in love, they fall in love FAST. after that barrier of "you're so fucking annoying" "IM annoying?!?!?!" "yes glad you agree" crumbles, they both go TUMBLING off that cliff bro. will takes a cannon to every single one of the bitchy walls nico put up after his sister died, leaving him heart wrenchingly lonely. he treats nico like a person. and nico treats will like an equal, not someone lesser, in fact he treats will like hes not a prince, not a king, but a god. he reveres him. will has never felt this worthy of anythign in his life.

obviously, though.

its vague ambigious royalty times.

their relationship is forbidden and very, very secret.

nico, as a royal, wouldnt face many consequences, but will...

the issue is that will is the most frustrated by the secrecy. nico has always known that he would have to love in secret, he grew up in that truth. will has never lied about anything in his entire life. the whole royal hierarchy makes no sense in any way and pisses him the hell off. he doesnt like having to be cautious about the way he touches nicos shoulder.

4. wrote too many things in one block and got cut off 💀💀 turns out i DO have a plot omg. thank you for asking. GOD i love them so bad.

5. as for the paragraph you liked -- ME TOO I WAS SO PROUD OF IT. IM GLD YOU LIKED. im seeing now ive kinda mixed the first and second "will was annoyed with him" in my brainstorming but eh. ill iron it out later.

6. anyways!! thank you!! expect more for the royal au soon. not sure if im gonna do what i did on my other blog and start slowly updating & posting the long fic, or if ill add some more short ones as i write the long fic in its entirety before posting, but ill figure it out. i have lots to say about them and theres nothing more fun to me than writing secret relationship and rivals to lovers teehee

[rinatic]

Hello can i request mark as a boyfriend?

Thank you so much for requesting :)

Mark as a boyfriend

You two were friends

Not exactly best friends but you were comfortable with each other

After being caught up in work, mark felt bad because you two don't hang out anymore

It was for a kinda long period like two months

So mark decided to call you because he randomly thought about you

"Y/n, how about we hang out today? Kinda missed you haha :)"

And ofc you agreed to meet him because who wouldn't hang out with mark?

So he cleared his schedules for you

When he saw you for the first time after these months, he couldn't tell what changed about you, but you just became prettier and hotter

So when you talked, he would accidentally stare at you for too long and ask you to repeat what you said

That's when mark started falling in love gradually with you

In the following days, he would accidentally zone out thinking about it

He missed you a lot even though you guys literally text and face time every day

And you started hanging out more and more

Bro would be so awkward the more he falls in love

But it's cute

And the confession will be so cute actually

It will be a cherished but thought of as funny memory lol

Now moving on to bf mark

He would be so caring ???

He himself doesn't know that he's caring to the point of willing to help you with every little thing

Bro just discovered his protective nature and is kinda overwhelmed

Spends all his money on you

Like you suddenly realize how many accessories, clothing items you have

But you remember you didn't buy it

He just takes gift giving to the next level

Like literally ask for anything even a five million ring lol

You're so spoiled im jealous :(

WRITES. SONGS. ABOUT. YOU

No because imagine mark writing a song about you

Where he pours all of his emotions into his work

And you discover how romantic he is because boi where did you get these words from??

When you read it, you can't help but fold and melt lol

He would be so shy to show because he knows you will tease him

But it's actually so ??? You didn't know he loved you this much

He would say "i just wrote a song why you making a big deal.." but you definitely didn't notice the other sheets hidden there in his studio with the 'for y/n ♡' on them

Can i mention that when he's with you he actually melts?

Like he literally loves you so much

But he's so shy to form his love into words and demonstrate it

So it's a good thing he can write his feelings for you

On his phone, he has 'y/n tingz' in his gallery

Where he has pics of you doing anything

And it's what he looks at when he needs inspiration

127 and dream tease him so much its unbearable poor baby

Just save him from haechan lmao

Whe they meet you they're like "so you're y/n? Mark keeps blabbering about you all day" "mark is always talking about you like give us rest damn" "do you know that mark always talks about you in the group chat? I almost thought you were a new member"

And boi just turns into a tomato

He's also very funny

"Send a pic of your heart?" "Just say you want a boob pic" "no ma'am i asked for your HEART not my problem that it's behind your boobs 😤"

"My girlfriend didn't share her food with me :(((" "shut up mark you literally have your plate in front of you" "why so rude dude?? I can definitely tell you didn't MARK me in your heart"

"Did you just skip my song???" "No it's an nct song" "girl I'm in nct 😭" "wait you were in the sub unit for this song??" "Dude..." "not my fault youre in 23 member group"

"Mark can we hold hands?" "No I'm christian.." "why tf do you suddenly turn christian around me??! As if you don't write sex songs" "y/n????"

Anyways

You absolutely shake him up

He's extremely grateful that you're in his life

Like he just becomes a better version of himself everyday thanks to you

He also loves showing you off

Says "This is my girlfriend, y/n :)" so proudly

He also thinks that you deserve love

So he tries his best to shower you in love even if he's shy

He also thinks that you don't have to be insecure because you're so gorgeous

So he also makes sure that you're absolutely confident

He's very hardworking and wants to take his boyfriend role seriously

Provides for you

Because he really wants your relationship to develop into something more stronger

He treats you with a lot of respect

He's also fair, so you'll receive the same amount of love you give him

Gets lost in his thoughts while thinking about your future together

You're both his girlfriend and his best friend

He also acts confident all the time but on the inside, he's so scared that you'll find someone better and leave him

He has that hidden fear

So reassure him :(

Also

An attention seeker

He can't live without your attention

That's why the boys tease him by occupying you in their shit so you can forget about mark 😭

Poor boy doesn't realize that they're behind this at first

He'll think you're avoiding him and thinks too much deeply about the cause of this

"What did i do? 😟" so cuteeeee

Johnny is definitely the one behind all of this

Says the only way to make it for him is by cuddling

So he'll act in a cute way which is rare since he wants you to see him as mature

He's the cutest boyfriend ever awieeeeee

[nemo-of-house-hamartia]

Hello again!

Thank you so much for welcoming me into your corner of the internet (it really feeds into my Ac obsession, as if I needed more of that lol, but really it’s nice to see other ppl that like some side characters ahem *likeFedericoand Greencoat*ahem). And thank you for your answer abt Feducia as well, I’m glad you liked the library gifting idea for I have another one : Imagine if the library had secret alcove(s) and/or passage(s) and one of them lead to a small balcony. Do you think Federico would stand below said hidden balcony to read poetry/Lucia’s favourite pieces while she stood up there and admired him from above ? (A bit like the infamous balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet, the inspiration came after reading @giuliettaluce’s seriously adorable fanfic “Upon their holy act, the heaven smiles”)

Oh! I also really like your Aranea x Mephisto ship and I’m so excited abt your new(?) OC Tatiana Volkov bc I seriously thought the Flables/The Wolf Among Us fandom was dead when I arrived late as usual 😂 And I love both ships dynamics, I think it just suits them very well

Hope you had a good day and keep going, xx

(Ps Im sorry abt the long long asks I’m just excited to share my ideas with you)

Hello there again, Nonnie!!!

Please, do partake in coffee that I just made (wish I could truly offer you one through the screen)!!

AND OMG YES. PLEASE, DO ALLOW ME TO ABSOLUTELY FEED INTO THE HYPERFIXATION FOR ASSASSIN'S CREED.

I myself have been going strong for almost 5 years, AND AM STILL GOING STRONG.

THE OBSESSION IS REAL

So please, do sit tight and enjoy the ride!

AND OMG YES. YES.

FEDERICO AND GREENCOAT ARE MY BEBE.

Like, I still get super SUPER salty about the fact that Federico has met his end basically 5 minutes in the game (infact, around here, we absolutely throw canon out of the window, and Fede is alive, well and living his best life with his love, somewhere in Italy - in my particular case, in the Kingdom of Sicily with Lucia. Trapani has never been more beautiful than when they lived there!).

To say *absolutely* nothing of HOW SALTY I AM ABOUT GREENCOAT. 2 MINUTES OF TRAILER, AND UBI HAS NOT DEIGNED TO GIVE US A *GLIMPSE* OF WHO HE WAS, WHAT'S HIS REASON WERE, HIS PURSUITS, NOTHING.

BUT.

As salty as I am about that, I am also immensely grateful, because if the Baguette Bois were full-fledged NPC, then I would have never created my Mathias, and as you will see now that you are here, he is my most beloved brainchild alongside my darling Dorothea <3.

SO YES.

WE STAN THE TERTIARY CHARACTERS THAT ARE BASICALLY OCS!!

Now, onto your question:

YES.

YES.

TRIPLE YES.

I *absolutely* believe that Federico would stand below said balcony and recite Lucia's favourite poems ( probably the Canto 5 passage of Paolo e Francesca from Dante's Commedy, her most favourite AMONG ALL).

I can envision it so well, with Lucia just beaming and listening to him as he recites those poems, waiting for him to just climb up her to her balcony (because she KNOWS he would do that. Man cannot stay away from climbing around, as much as he likes to make it believe that it's becasue he needs to follow Ezio and make sure he's not going to fall face first lolol).

AND OMG YES, JUST LIKE ROMEO AND JULIET. ABSOLUTELY

(it kinda helps that my FC for Lucia is the beautiful Olivia Hussey as Juliet from Zefirelli´s movie).

AND I KNOW RIGHT??? @giuliettaluce IS THE *ABSOLUTE* PROFESSOR WHEN IT COMES TO ROMEO AND JULIET, AND HER WRITING IS JUST SO IMMENSELY BEAUTIFUL.

Seriously, she wrote for me the Federico/Lucia one-shot based on Romeo and Juliet that was EVERYTHING, and she wrote for me a one-shot about Mathias/Dorothea that I have never shared, but that I reread truly often and it melts my heart each time. She is such precious friends and beautiful person, it warms my heart SO MUCH knowing that you appreciate her writing <3 she deserves ALL THE PRAISE.

ALL THE PRAISE.

AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

MY MEPHISTO/ARANEA AND BIGBY/TATIANA.

they are my "dark pairings", so to speak, because while I love to dwell in FLUFF galore, and this is something that I generally explore with my Assassin's Creed pairings (though, there is a certain dose of darkness there as well), with Mephisto/Aranea and Bigby/Tatiana I LOVE to explore the darker side of the relationship between two lovers (though, tbh, Mephisto/Aranea take the crown in this, but that's easy because Bigby and Tatiana are still very much decent people altogether, while Mephisto is a freaking Archdevil and Aranea is his Warlock/Consort, so they are bound by their own character alignment - which is firmly on the evil side).

AND OMG, LISTEN, NO FANDOM IS TRULY DEAD UNLESS I AM DEAD, TRUST AND BELIEVE.

I AM STILL HERE, WRITING AND DRAWING STUFF FOR FFXII, AND IT HAS BEEN ALMOST 20 YEARS SINCE ITS RELEASE.

So trust and believe, no fandom is ever truly dead, and you are MORE THAN WELCOME to discuss whichever fandom you fancy at present! :)

(and please, do not worry about sending me long asks. I *ADORE* reading them, the longer the better. GIMME A DOORSTOPPER ASK OR GIVE ME NOTHING LOLOL I am kidding of course! always feel free to send asks as long or as short as you prefer, at your own convenience <3 just know that they are always welcomed! <3)

WISHING YOU A PLEASANT, BEAUTIFUL DAY NONNIE.

HERE, TAKE SOME LASAGNA I MADE AT LUNCH.

*gives lasagna in tupperware*

--Nemo

[kageygreye-skies]

didn’t think chappell roan would impact me SO much after finding her and her artistry but she kind of literally made me fully accept that i was a lesbian and showed me there’s space for me in the community LMFAO.

allow me to take you on a fuckin journey lmfao. heres a lil story about a recent revelation about my identity that dominoed from listening to the rise and fall of a midwest princess. lol

i found chappell technically whenever she released pink pony club lol i just had never processed it was her. (i listened to midwest princess for the first time a long while who and when it got to ppc, i paused my phone, and yelled, “THAT WAS HER? THE WHOLE TIME??”), her pop sound and drag visuals were something i found refreshing and exciting. discography went triple platinum in my household fr.

watching a lesbian drag queen rise in the public has been so lovely to see, as a queer singer myself. watching that same woman be so open about her experience as a lesbian, pay homage to other gay individuals and icons, turn down the white house for a pride performance, perform at prides in states where lgbt rights are consistently under threat,,, its beyond inspiring to me! and reminds me to remember what i really want to do with my career as a performer and the people i want to lift up and pay my respects to.

this ultimately caused me to want to brush up on the queer history i knew and start learning about the history i didnt. at that time my focus veered to history about lesbians.. because i wanted to search for lesbians that shared my experience.. if there were any that did.

i have had a strange relationship with my gender and sexuality since i was 13, coming out first as bi at 15, and nonbinary at 17 (although i experienced gender dysphoria long before then). i have used the nonbinary label since, but my sexuality was something i was never sure i could settle on. i flipped between id’ing as bi and lesbian for months until i just stopped using labels so i didnt have to think abt that shit anymore😭

the term lesbian was what felt the most right to me, after years of periods of trying to convince myself that if i jump through strange loopholes and squint a little, that i could potentially like a man. i would worry and think things like, “what if im wrong and i just havent found one that i can maybe like? what if there actually is a boy who is exactly like the idealized anime-ass version of boys in my head who is also soft and girlie and would wear matching dresses with me?” i would have to use plenty of implausible what ifs just to entertain the idea. i did this even despite the fact that i cannot and do not picture a future with a man, i have only questioned my physical attraction to men when they “look like girls,” i am almost always slightly grossed out when men express sexual attraction to me, and have not had any kind of intimacy with guys where i didnt feel almost completely disconnected. i didnt find men fulfilling. it took me very long to realize that if i have to literally FORCE myself into liking them…i dont like them lol.

i have never had to question my attraction to women, butches + femmes,, ever. i could spend hours writing both prose, poetry, music, screenplays,, just fuckin dissertation after dissertation about women.. and sometimes it has taken me hours to list at least 5 reasons of “why i like this guy” that didnt involve him reminding me of a woman. guys, the comphet.. was rough. very grateful i have a therapist lol

once i accepted again that i was definitely solely sapphic, i still felt my more-than-partial disconnect from womanhood excluded me from being able to claim the lesbian label, despite how right it began to feel. i was also worried that the people around me would think i was completely detransitioning to cis,, which definitely was not the case. although i am fine with feminine gendered terms and pronouns, and while my expression and interests lean slightly more feminine, my relationship with “womanhood” has always been messy and complicated. i remember first-ish experiencing dysphoria around when i was 11, although i didnt know what that meant at the time. for as long as i can remember, the concept of “being a woman” was not something i felt was entirely me.

i knew there were lesbians that were gender non conforming, but i was not at all aware of the intertwining of lesbianism and gender identity until i began reading more about lesbian history. realizing there have always been lesbians outside of the binary (the popular sunset lesbian flag was designed by emily gwen, a nonbinary lesbian), people who used lesbian/butch as their gender identity, cis lesbians who use pronouns other than she/her, lesbians who use/have used hrt (like me i used hrt for 2 years👋🏾😀) lesbians who bind or pursue top surgery… they were always there. i am halfway through the stone butch blues now and it has actually changed my life. not only did it increase my already overflowing gratitude for my lesbian and queer elders and their experiences… but it made me really realize there has always been a space for me. when that sank in.. i felt immense relief. and then i cried for a fuckin LONG ass time lmao

since all of this i have felt a lot more sure of myself, and have embraced myself in a way i think i have always struggled to before.

so to recap… i am a lesbian. and its pretty rad. and i also love chappell roan. she reminds me of all the reasons why i love being queer and is someone i want to look up to as i continue in my finally-starting-to-go-somewhere career as a performer. one day we will collab and ill tell her all of this in person (watch out yall! it will happen i can sense it😤)

[simelune]

in around 10 days it'll be a year since i first made this account and joined this community ;o; i can happily say that it's been so so so amazing to meet such wonderful people and engage with such creative souls <3 i am inspired by so many of you every day and im grateful that i have a space on the internet to share my silly little pixel people lol....

and thank you to everyone who tried/is trying my lil legacy challenge! i always wanted to write one and i'm glad i finally got to :') it's very cool to see everyones little simmies!!! anyway. i hope you are all doing well, take good care of yourselves, and stay healthy and warm!

[winterrrnight]

edith's 100 followers celebration!

The little things matter so much to me, and this achievement of having 100 of you following me to support my writing feels pretty much surreal! I have decided to put together a little celebration, I hope so many of you can participate in it! :)

navigation

STARTS: 23 July, 2023 ENDS: 31 July, 2023

EVENTS:

before the coffee gets cold: choose out of drew & rafe and a prompt from here, and I'll write a little drabble/concept!

tokyo dreaming: get into my chat box and ask me anything from here!

the midnight library: give me a little concept with drew or rafe and I'll make a 3 pic moodboard inspired by it!

the perks of being a wallflower: tell me your name (optional) + a little bit about yourself and I'll give you an outfit which I think matches your vibe! (mutuals only!)

normal people: send me a profile picture and I'll give you matching navigation post pictures and headers!

(no Tumblr games like fmk, never have I ever etc bc they stress me out LOL)

RULES/GUIDELINES:

This shouldn't require to be said, but unfortunately it is, so: be nice! be respectful!

Only one request per ask please!

Please be patient as I do have a life outside Tumblr; I'm a student and studying is basically all I do so please let me take my time to get to all of the asks.

I'm tagging some mutuals & my taglist, without whom none of this is possible. I hope you all know how grateful I am for you, and I will forever be so happy to have met all of you 🥹 the community you have created on here is full of positivity and never have I ever felt out of place or unloved here. So thank you, thank you, thank you <3

@runningfrom2am @ragingsammie @maybankslover @totalswag @madelynie @chenslucy @ietss @elle-mp3 @luvmarsbars @whore4drew @veescorneroftheworld @dilvcv @folkdriving @mutual-mendes @loveu-always @slut4drudy @isabelllroseee @outerbankspov @rafeysgff @iheartmaddyperez @starmoonshines @vianwrites

some readers who I see very often in my notifications; please don't think I don't see the likes and reblogs, they mean the whole world to me 💝😭:

@sp00ky-spr1te (literally my first follower on this blog hello???) @one-sweet-gubler @alimaythings @ftlanadelrey @strawberrrygirl @starkeyletters @starkeypankowsbae @dixiegurl19 @m00nzysblog @angelw33dz @thewayilovedswift @tia-elizab3th @ellsellsells @t0ki0h0telbill

(if your name is crossed out, I tried tagging you but it wasn't letting me, please let me know if im making any mistake with your user + if I forgot someone, I'm so very sorry I have the memory of a goose + if I tagged someone who didn't want to be tagged, again, I'm so sorry; please feel free to ignore this!)

check out the tag 'edith's 100 followers celebration! 🪄' to catch up with everything I post for this celebration!