#so im really sorry if these are things people know already?????
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people are so scared of the "cishet sneaking into the community to Do Things" boogeyman but like. what kind of argument even is that. it doesn't make sense to any degree.
first of all, assuming this was a real thing that was happening, what can a couple random people posing as queer possibly do that's harmful? its not like we get government benefits for being queer. its not like we have a limited number of chairs like the person above me says. its not really like we have super secret clubhouses that you have to know the gay password to get into. if your concern is that they'll invade our spaces to hurt us, they can do that without "pretending" to be queer. if your concern is that they're just annoying and attention seeking, sorry, annoying and attention seeking people will always exist in every space. there is no reason why these people are a threat to you.
second, this just isnt a thing that happens en masse. has some random cishet person claimed they "suffered the queer struggle" once? probably. but again, that doesn't actually harm anyone, and there isnt some huge movement to invalidate queer people. if someone isnt adversely affected by heteronormative society, the reality is that they don't really want to be here either. cishets arent frothing at the mouth to sneak into queer circles. again, we dont get any huge benefits, so why would they? the only reason these spaces might be valuable is if someone is affected by our heteronormative culture and wants a safe place to explore queerness. otherwise there's just no reason to be "invading our spaces". sorry.
third, like people have already touched on, excluding people for not appearing "queer enough" is just really fucked and antithetical. it forces people to out themselves unsafely and doesn't allow space for questioning and learning. this "in or out" attitude literally helps no one. if cishet-appearing people can't interact with queer circles, then we're gonna have a lot more queer people hating themselves and not understanding whats wrong with them.
finally, the most powerful argument of all: i dont give a shit. if cishet jacob wants to hang out in gay bars and call himself queer, i genuinely dont care. i cannot express enough how little difference that makes to me. as long as he isnt harassing anyone, cishet jacob can call himself queer all he wants. if he gets some kind of fulfillment out of it, good for him.
i think it's absurd to claim that aspec people don't suffer from heteronormativity, and they are absolutely as queer as any of us. but the point im trying to make is that this boogeyman that exclusionsists are so afraid of does not exist. its not rational at all. you're just hurting people and being some kind of weird purist about it.
does anyone else remember when peoples talking point against asexuality being a queer identity was to make up a cisgender heterosexual but aromantic man who wanted to get in to all the lgbt society meetings or was that just an embarrassing thing people i knew did
#sorry for rambling#this one got away from me#but i think its important#just dont be an asshole and we're chill#exclusionists are so bizarre to me#why do you even care dude
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i didn't want to talk about this but oh my god people really love being ableist? im shocked
this video. did we already talk about how ableist this is? all the comments defend the creator and oh my god?? no everyone defending them uses the argument "but its fictional and the crew had little suplements!! thats why they drew him like that!!" pony express didn't give them a fifth cryo thing, do you fr believe they would give them DOG talking buttons? are we really comparing disabled people to PETS? for me, this comment says it all
a GOOD example of helping curly communicate is @/nakakabaliw 's comic, just like the creator of this video, they added angst, and didnt low curly to a animal. im sorry for ruining my blog's mood and throwing this in the tag, but its horrenduous how people see this and defend it
its so frustrating how people are so quick to infantilize and dehumanize disabled people. the video itself doesn't even make sense, as it would be extremely harmful for curly since his nerves are completely eposed and pressing down on them would hurt even more. im sure there are 100other ways the creator could have drawn his idea and not humiliate and dehumanize him like this. the creator ignored disabled people, as far as i know didn't apologize nor took down the video, yet people come with the "the creator is a person too" so are disabled people. its literally specified on the video title, DOG toys!!
so, summary, it doesn't make sense, is very condescending, i found more than 5 disabled people saying its uncomfortable for them.
just because mouthwashing is a horror game doesnt mean you can do horrendous stuff too
#sorry for my bad english#sorry for the rant#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#wrong organ#mouthwashing curly#its so sad to see stuff like this
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Thoughts on Joongdunk divorce and PR for branded pairs
so I read about the Joongdunk divorce era related ongoing drama and I have to say the thoughts I have are...perhaps very crazy but - sorry I have permanent brain damage from House MD - it fits. So take my opinion with grains of salt or better yet dont take it at all and just enjoy the conspiracy theory of it all. I'm fairly sure Joong is faking it and im pretty sure khaotung is...not faking whatever this 'I am going to fuck first against the nearest surface' vibe he has going on but he's certainly playing it up/into every moment like he's in a olympics style marathon thats just rail and be railed by your best friend.
Out of all the GMM men I follow, I follow Khaotung and Joong the closest and I would also say of the people I follow these two are the most likely to lie through their teeth about every single thing. And we already know that Joong has been helping FK but kind of particularly khaotung get more socmed savvy. So there is definitely some thread here to believe that PR discussions have occurred at least between Joong and FK but more likely between all four.
And the reason why I believe the Joongdunk divorce era is fake? It's becuase the thing between Joong and Est *was* real and Joong handled it completely differently. I had no idea it had happened even though I've been following Joong on IG through that entire time not until I went to twitter. I realized that whole thing was falling apart ONLY because people were talking about it. Joong's own posting was very staunchly business as usual.
And suddenly for his own branded pair right before a critical show who's success doesn't only affect him? What is he doing? Hanging neon signs that he's getting divorced. You're telling me to believe that Joong is middle school shading Dunk where even *I* could notice. Yes, I thought it was mega weird when he promo'd the THK release with pictures of him and FK but not Dunk. By this point, they *must* be aware of how people are talking about the Joongdunk divorce and what does Dunk do? Post a picture with FK but not Joong in the middle of it.
Really? Hours before the premiere?
See, the options here to me are:
1) Joong (and Dunk) has undergone a sudden and TOTAL personality change where he's suddenly inept at doing PR
or the crazier and yet to me the more likely scenario:
2) It's staged
And why would one do that? Why take the risk right before THK? To drum up engagement obviously. See we know that companies only care for numbers, these tweets and IG comments and likes are all going into some graphical format presentation in front of a guy who doesn't know or give two shits about what a divorce era is. So people talking about JD because their hobby is sniffing each other’s crotches or because they can’t stand each other is the exact same thing.
But how does Khaotung and his diabolical mind play into it, why did I bring him up in the beginning? We know that Fadel and Style start out as enemies…so like who's fucking playbook is that? Matching your promo to the dynamic of your characters? Who is the olympics gold winner in cosplaying your characters cosplaying as yourself?
I know people forget things week to week on socmed. But First and Khaotung were barely present during THK filming, soms were more or less only getting FK content from THK official twitter than First or Khaotung.
Khaotung was doing more fanservice with Joong than First at one point and he had a flurry of solo events during which soms were once more fractured between special treatment for Khaotung versus First [FK themselves were honeymooning in Busan and we got nothing other than the most brain damaging story about First scouring Busan for a hat Khaotung wanted and two posts of Khaotung ass up in their room that First must have taken].
Suddenly almost on the dot a month before THK release? They dialed the heat up without a reciprocal heat dialing up of Joongdunk. Summer Night definitely got in the way of that where Joong was giving Dunk a polite wide berth on IG liking and commenting on Summer Night stuff but not doing any CP related things.
So First and Khaotung suddenly act like they can't function without sampling each other's dicks thrice a day while Joong and Dunk stay business as usual. One pair taking the lion's share of THK hype is not a good thing for the other pair and genuinely I was like is JD really okay taking up second fiddle spot to FK for WEEKS. Lo and behold, days before THK all people can talk about is JD.
Anyway the following is an honest to god real photo of me writing this insane post. I just think things are going really well for Joong despite it all and I don't think it's on accident.
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Some of my thoughts for your conversation about inaction towards antiBlack/racist behavior in shared online spaces (particularly fandom).
1. "I dont see it / I dont go here" - this was my first thought/defensive reaction and in reading others responses I think its a shared one.
Tumblr is perhaps unique in how purposely you can shape your experience and limit what you interact with. Blocking someone just cause is fully acceptable and expected here.
So, when Ive seen depictions of 'Black' characters that made me go, "Mmm idk man" its been my policy to just block and move on. Less chance of seeing a racist in the tags I like in the future *shrug*
Now on other sites perhaps there is some consideration that could be given to not wanting to boost something racist via interaction...but that's not how Tumblr works. Furthermore your reminder that seeing things go unopposed is the problem hit me like a frying pan to the face. Because...yeah duh.
We know the 'social rules' of this platform, you report/block the porn bots, you dont spam tags for engagement (or report if you see it), add image descriptions, reblog things you like etc. Would it be so hard to leave a simple comment on the things you want to see be changed?
2. "What if I do it wrong/I dont know this fandom/Not my place to speak?" - I firmly believe the main reasons people dont meaningfully engage with posts here or on other platforms is two fold: Responses and Outting.
If you were to post a mild comment saying for example, "Hey, feels kinda weird how you're only talking about this Black character being violent in this show. Why dont you check out this blog post by CBC, a Black artist who really digs into this topic more?"
Now you are expected to 1. 'deal' with whatever that persons response is and 2. Anyone an see and respond to what you said.
I think we generally expect random stranger interactions on the Internet to be unpleasant but, like if we are putting the focus on caring about Black people in out spaces...shits already 'unpleasant' for them.
Its time to start firing fireworks off in our neighborhoods to keep the rents low so to speak. You, non-Black folk (i.e me), dont have to wage endless comment battles with someone who wont listen. Just stating what you are seeing is enough, its marking that post for other people coming along. Forcing the question, "Y'all are we cool with this?"
As for messing up/having a record of things you said someone else might take issue with later on. Yeah but thats already happening whenever you reblog anything.
If you actually spoke out of turn just say, "Im sorry thanks for letting me know" and move on with your life. Otherwise folks on here will actually harass you over your shipping preferences so your rolling those dice already. Why not do it for something better worth it?
3. A Note - Genuinely thank you for posing these thoughtful question and just honestly expressing your frustration/hurt. It helped me think more deeply about some old habits.
Thank you!
Hm. And you're welcome
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aaand here's deadlands! it didnt take seven months this time, who cheered?
i'll probably do another post grouping all of my line-ups together, but that's gonna wait for when i do the wyrdwood PCs as well :] more thorough design thoughts/smaller details will be under the cut, but im putting this here so that everybody has to know: their eye shines are all different card suits, except for nate, who gets J for the joker card :]
oxventurers guild | the hobby horses
unlike my other designs where i let everyone have individual colors/palettes, i tried to keep colors more consistent across these designs! the oxventurers guild has the fantasy element and theyre all very different, so the wide mishmash of colors are fine, and the hobby horses all have a lot of dark colors so that keeps them looking consistent together. but for these guys, i wanted a more consistent feel, so i tried my best to reuse colors between each design (especially between delacy and nate ^-^)
silas - ough. my boy. i wanted him to be broad with a strong build, and i hope i pulled that off :D i had so much trouble with his hat that i almost just didnt give him one, but eventually i decided it was better to just. give up and rock with it, even if he looks a bit like a mountie hbjgfjhd and he is wearing cowboy boots, theyre just tucked into his pants because he doesnt feel the need to flash them (looking at delacy, lol). he has spurs on his boots, even though he doesnt ride horses, because he likes the way they jangle <3
garnet - people really liked it when i gave garnet dark roots, so i have decided to always give her dark roots. i like how it looks hehehe and i also like to give her freckles!!! i think theyre cute!!! for the vest, i struggled for a while trying to capture the vibe of jane's vest, because its so so strange and specific in a way that makes it impossible for me to picture garnet without it. i'm pretty happy with where i landed with it, especially the pattern, since i've never tried to make a pattern like that before :3 i dont know why ive been loving patterns so much lately LOL but i will keep riding this wave and regret it later when drawing the designs again
edie - definitely the furthest departure from canon outfits, though still in the right wheelhouse. i just don't like drawing multiple layers of ruffled skirt. i didn't like how my sketches kept looking. i wanted to give her a skirt slit, especially after my friend reminded me about her thigh rifle holster. so today, i stared at a bunch of victorian ballgowns and party city costumes, and then completely redesigned her skirt before i lined these XD and i think it was worth it!! i love the layers and the way her rifle peeks out, and it meant i could show off more of her boots and give them a pretty design :]
delacy - my main thought going into drawing delacy was just. "i need to malnourish this boy" LMAO i refuse to believe that he is eating properly, i just know that he is not. otherwise, i mostly just stuck to the campaign art but scuffed up his clothes a bit. as implied on silas's notes, i very purposefully had his boots be Big. he's overcompensating a little bit :] also sorry i did not want to draw rooster so he just gets a generic handgun. i didnt feel like drawing complicated guns, and i wanted it to be a smaller handgun so that he could be poorly copying edie :') he has no trigger discipline but neither does edie so its fine
nate - that's just nate, baby!!! i think, canonically, he's meant to be a bit. emaciated. but i cant help but just picture him being a bigger guy, i think it fits his vibe better and its more fun for me to draw that way. i like having variety in body shapes, and garnet and delacy already have the rail thin thing down for this line-up. let my old man be fat !!! also. he has a weird nipple because he is transgender. heart emoji
#oxventure#oxventure deadlands#silas flint#garnet munro#edie valentine#delacy oxventure#nate janssen#'travis you forgot the buttons on a few of the shirts-' SHHH SHHHHHHHHHH DONT LOOK AT THAT IM TIRED#i just wanna move onto wyrdwood im done with these bhjgfhjdbghjd#i am super happy with how this came out though :3#okay time for sleep i have a friend visiting tomorrow and its past my bedtime
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i hope this doesnt come off as rude or.. entitled idk how to explain it but. if traditional talk therapy hasnt worked for u in the past there are alternatives! i went through both EMDR (for my ptsd) and TMS therapy (for my depression - my EMDR therapist's pricing was based on my income and the TMS was covered by my medical assistance, but i understand that availability and everything is different everywhere) and those helped 1000x better than the past 10 years of therapy i've had combined!! i really think theyre worth looking in to!!!
#i really dont know if many people know about these???#so im really sorry if these are things people know already?????#i genuinely just want to inform people because they helped a lot especially TMS#i had a routine and i was so sososo happy#of course at the timei had other factors but it... it was nice#and today i have my bad days but i do not have depression anymore lmao and thats kind of awesome
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honestly the more i hear about engstars and its TLs the more i absolutely dread the inevitable release of poltergeist and what may ensue from it, bc if if the translators themselves are already invalidating arashis identity then i Really Truly do not want to see how theyll translate natsume and tsumugis microaggressions/transphobia towards her. esp since ive noticed a rise in people being comfortably transphobic towards her, and i REALLY do not wish to see natsume and tsumugi being stupid fucking morons be used as evidence to discredit her
and i think this is all the more reason why its VERY IMPORTANT for engstars to DIRECTLY ACKNOWLEDGE arashi and her gender. bc sometimes characters are STUPID and RUDE and APATHETIC. enstars is a story with NUANCED and FLAWED CHARACTERS, and when a character is being a fucking asshole youre meant to PROVE THEM WRONG. but they dont even acknowledge arashi as a girl themselves. so, if you do use engstars, please keep pressuring them bc omfg this is so bad and i can only see it getting worse
#a bit of a serious post sorreys its kinda me venting im just preparing for the worst#We should be legally allowed to beat the shit out of ntmg for what they said to arashi#i dont remember the exact quotes verbatim but tsumugi basically just expressed confusion abt her gender identity#n natsume flatout said something like shes lying to kids by calling herself a princess#so.#not good.#having characters show bigotry is not Necessarily a bad thing. but that is ONLY WHEN that bigotry gets disproven#but. engstars arent doing that.#theyre not disproving it.#they keep pretending like her gender is. well. Nothing#so i worry that this story is just gonna fuel the flames and make everything so much worse than it already is#anyway. if u play engstars please do keep pestering them for blatantly ignoring and misrepresenting arashis identity#i try to stay out of whatever goes on on that app but. Man.#she deserves better#But hey knowing them maybe theyll just fuckin cut out the dialogue alltogether to further act like trans people and their issues arent real#nat rambles#im a bit peeved as u can see sorry i just know how this fandom is and how they cant handle nuance or flawed characters#and im REALLY not happy with happyele REWRITING THE TEXT#and getting RID OF SAID NUANCE#GRHAGGRAHGRAGHHGHGH#sorry.#its like 3:30am i just needed to get this off my chest#maybe ill delete this but god.#free my girl
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i just think if roles were reversed and buck was the one saying those gay ass lines to eddie, eddie wouldve proposed like four seasons ago
#like if buck had a kid and he said to eddie “theres no one in this world i trust with my kid more than you” eddie wouldve given him head#if buck had written him into his will and said “because eddie (cuz im sorry but buck loves eddies name too much to not use it)#you act like youre expendable but youre wrong“ eddie wouldve been like on his knees begging for buck to move in already#or if eddie did something reckless and after told buck he had to do it and buck just looked at him fondly and said “i know you did”#eddie wouldve dragged his ass to the nearest jewelry store to get them matching rings#or if someone off handedly mentioned how long he was dead/underground/uhhh bleeding out from his gunshot wound#and buck corrected them and said “um no actually it was 3 minutes and 17 before we got to the hospital” eddie wouldve done unspeakable#things to him in the bathroom of that underground poker club#or if eddie came out to buck and buck gave him a similar supportive little talk and said “this doesnt change a thing between us”#eddie wouldve been like “uh no actually it does get in the fucking car rn” and driven them to the courthouse so they could get married#basically#eddie says the gayest shit to buck all the time but buck just hears it as Normal Bro Things because hes never had a normal friend before so#he had nothing to really compare it to#but if buck were to say this kinda gay shit to eddie#eddie would immediately be like oh youre in love with me because eddie is a romantic and knows declarations of love when he hears them#however#buck communicates his feelings with flirting but eddie is fucking stupid and has no game and no rizz and doesnt realize hes flirting#eddie communicates his feelings with grand declarations of love but buck is fucking stupid and doesnt realize people actually care about hi#they need to flip communication styles and then theyll realize#buddie#evan buckley#eddie diaz#get him out of there#let eddie free so he can finally have game#omg no or if eddie had done something that kinda pissed buck off and buck just looked at him after eddie apologized and said “ofc i forgive#you“ well there wouldve been something freaky going on in the firehouse closets that halloween
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i have a theory that the baby!jack fanaticism in the fandom partly comes from the fact that on june 26th, 2017 (less than two months after jack was introduced as a character) the us supreme court ruled that queer couples were allowed to adopt in all 50 states. so naturally, as kelly died giving birth to jack, dean was in the midst of his widower arc, and the fandom thought that jack was going to be a baby, we had a wave of romanticization of infant adoption for destiel.
#also yes i say romanticization for infant adoption because it causes brain damage. i am an infant adoptee. i can almost guarantee that i#know more than you about how infant adoption affects adoptees. no. even as a queer person im sorry but i do not#care as much about our ‘right to adopt’ (nobody has the right to someone else’s child) versus how it affects adoptees#infant adoption is still harmful even if the adoptive parents are queer. this is not meant to be about that but i will not be argued with#about this. if you have complicated feelings and want more information then please do your own research. but this isn’t#supposed to be About That. this is just looking back on how real world events effect fandom#and how this ruling affected the queer community and thus our largely queer fandom. there still needs to be a conversation about how#adoptees don’t have access to their original birth certificates in all 50 states#(because this ruling was about queer couples being shown on the new birth certificates as parents. which is great for adoptive parents. but#adoptees still have our birth certificates amended to where our biological families are erased. those records are still sealed for at least#18 years but sometimes indefinitely. the ACLU still doesn’t think adoptees deserve that because their board has adoptive parents and works#with the adoption industry so they financially benefit from queer people being allowed to adopt)#or how infant adoption is harmful but most people are not ready for that conversation. it’s cute to have make destiel dads. i get it.#but they’re dads in canon already and we really need to at least look at adoption as the nuanced topic that it is instead of#making it this cutesy thing or all about dean or cas. adoptees deserve stories about us too#so yeah anyways. this is just a theory and i obv can’t confirm if but it just makes a lot of sense to me. thoughts?#supernatural#jack kline#adopted jack kline#adoptee issues#adoptee voices#the romanticization of adoption in fandom#dadstiel#destiel#baby jack kline#castiel#supernatural fandom#dean winchester#s13#hw.txt
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48, 68, and 79 for the fanfic writing asks. :]
48. Who is your favorite character to write for? Has this changed since you’ve started writing for that fandom?
forever donnie (he stuck out to me the SECOND i watched the show and has not left my brain)... but i actually find raph second easiest to write pov for, i wanna get into the meat of him at some point because he's really interesting and surprisingly unexplored compared to the other three!!! even though he ends up showing no matter what i do ive been a little hesitant to do anything super duper leo-centric out of spite and mikey is FOREVER THE HARDEST TO WRITE OUT OF THE FOUR OF THEM AUGGHHHH SHAKES HIM!!!! love him though
68. Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?
shout out to firefight for getting me to write again <3 unmaking by corvidown is also a personal favorite of mine, i HIGHLY recommend it
79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?
im mostly intuition when it comes to writing and not very technical about it (which is my folly, i need to get better at going back and mastering the basics) but what i CAN say is that, from experience, if your pacing seems way too fast there is a very good chance that's just you. if youre like me youll probably skim instinctively because you already know whats on the page (which is why its recommended to read out loud when editing because its easy to skip over mistakes), but for most readers its going to feel a lot longer than it is!!
like genuinely with both caged lungs and coming undone im still like "wow i need to pad this out with more scenes" but so many people sing my praises about pacing, and thinking that things are well-rounded and detailed, and im like... Huh. i genuinely considered adding like 6 more scenes to coming undone and had to literally stop myself because i was going to Die if i did that (i actually think the uhhh. third to last scene? the last mikey one. is way too fast still, id go back and rewrite it if i could)
oh also i recommend character bibles! character bibles are always good, i like writing sample dialogue and keeping track of little vocal quirks/body language things (it also helps me pick out and avoid things that get really deeply rooted in fanon when theyre kind of frustratingly off the mark, although i do have a couple of headcanons that remain consistent across fics like the painkiller thing Because i use it for EVIL!!!!!!). and when i feel like im slipping ill go back and rewatch some episodes to make sure i can HEAR it in their voices
i cant say much about how i do symbolism/parallels/motifs which ive heard a lot of praise about, i keep a list of ideas i have and somehow it turns into something coherent (i literally type "AHAHAHA FUCKKKK IM A GENIUS" in my notes when i get a good idea) i dont even remember where the canary thing came from but now its my thing. help girl
#ask#funny thing i noticed is that the little “don-tron” nickname is actually “don-ton” in canon and we all just collectively changed it#you know what? good. it flows better. it makes more sense#and going over canon over and over again is a big reason i am such a protective mikey truther#hes so much louder than donnie in the face of conflict free my BOY!!!!#also raph openly makes fun of leo and not really the other two in a way that is actually really charming... underutilized#okay#hot take in the notes nobody will see. sorry#but i feel like most of what people actually want with disaster twins already exists#its literally already there in raph and leo's dynamic#thats all im sayin......
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how it feels to read people on this site criticize death of the outsider
#hater corner <- out of love#before i speak tho. its an criticism of the game and not personal connections people form with it. hope this makes sense#i like the outsider mortal and daud and billie of all people freeing him! there is so much potential in this idea#this is a /j but if daud wanted to fuck around and find out whats made the outsider it would be more accurate to his character#than daud blaming the outsider for his own actions. and billie would have her own journey of self-discovery#they could do it together without being reduced to an old man and a caretaker#when i first saw the playthrough i actually really liked it. and i still stand by it being a good game if it wasnt in dh universe. it is fu#and it has interesting themes. but none of them relate to the other dh games. or contradict them#anyway. all of that has already been said and in way better than i ever can#the saddest thing to me is that its trying to sell a story about the characters that we already know and love - and the world we love too#without getting deep into any of it. instead of working with existent depth its creating new lore thats loosely tied to the old one#or overexplaining it when dh1 proves how ambiguity can enrich the narrative#and i dont want to defend it bc of the development hell it went through.its not genuine and its not meeting the standard games before it se#and it the end its just sad. id love a good billie game#talk tag#dh related#sorry for grammar mistakes and typos. im tired
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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thinking abt the ggy easter eggs rn
#im so ready for whateber theyre cooking#this is like the only era rn where the sw games arent interesting me rn im so ready to want to engage again#plz focus on ggy vanny gregory vanessa cassie and not cassie dad mapbot dying absent father doing nothintnfor the story#and a game based totally off of books instead of the other way around#i really hope SW games dont become super tftp oriented#as in they make games based off of books instead of the other way around#that would suck majorly#a ggy game would be new content based off of game lore that does exist for ggy and not the book#like patient 46 and his canonical mysterious past#plus everything the tapes said he did#it could be so good#i really want to just see like. any progression of the story#outside of very basic ideas like 'vanny cassie' that are probably going to happen but are so bare bones#theres not much you can think about#insyead of useless plots like cassies dad. sorry but its true if hes the hw2 story he does nothing#nothing that cassie couldnt have also done if shes the protag#i know that sotm has to happen before they can progress so im being patient#but man#i hope we get more stuff like ruin that has good linear on screen storytelling and is more character oriented#everybody liked ruin but not everyone likes sotm#when hw2 came out i saw soo many opinions not just by me and the moots or something but just#fans on twitter diehard or casual#that hated how hw2s story was handled#people actually want storytelling now at sb and ruins scale instead of old school barely comprehensible frustrating lore#thats what sotm feels like its leaning into and im not excited#i hope its a one time thing since its a good chance to do that#a game that already takes place in the og fnaf days#before it even#of course its a good idea to put old school easter eggs and characters and story and stuff of the og days#i just miss my guys :(
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I have not posted any of my analysis to reddit yet and I think I might just post it and ghost it. I've already spent too much time looking at other people's threads on there to feel any way good about interacting with folks.
I already went in an added the "I know you're going to bring this up let me save you the time" section which is exclusively touching on the frequent topics of:
"well what about the fingerprint nostrum and finger mimics? He is clearly just a crackpot"
And
"it's definitely some weird elaborate sacrifice to Metyr thing"
#if he's drinking hallucinogenic tea in his free time genuinely good for him. whatever man. i just do not think either of those items are-#at all relevant to the quest especially the nostrum because it is a placebo medicine and aint nothing fake about this shit#also i think theres a distinction between becoming fingers vs wanting to replace metyr? idk like as ive said i think he thinks he's-#better than the fingerweavers and rightfully so#like please come to a new conclusion other than “man this guy is on drugs”#also girl... metyr doesnt need sacrifices. like? where is that textually or in set design? metyr wants us to leave her the fuck alone#she's minding her own business EVERY TIME WE SPAWN INTO HER ZONE#like why are people so desperate for everything to have a dark undercurrent? not everything has to be some dark disney ass shit#“actually finding nemo is a hallucination & Marlin is insane & nemo is dead that movie is actually super fucked up & dory is a grim reaper”#like im sorry but this is how this extra shit all feels to me#like it is already fucked up and miserable?#is he 100% a good person? like thats genuinely person to person. theres personal gain from the quest#and hes definitely very good at getting what he wants#manipulate manifest mother#tail fingers on the vision board#devon yaps#and yap I did#like I don't want to be a bitch because yeah we should genuinely celebrate other peoples theories and hcs in these games#but i dont think “lol this guy is just on drugs” is one of those things#because i like spooky theories if theyre backed up.#but to say “its this weirdly horrible thing and youre all wrong” especially in his context is not great to me#Sorry. like may my own arrogance strike me down like the scholar i think i am 😤 farewell#because again its coming down to meeting this narrative without preconceived bias and most of the reddit stuff feels like-#“he is fucked up. won't say why. but i bet you know why i actually think this 🤫🤫🤫” like just you cant wrap your brain around guy mom#i do really want to reiterate this is about reddit shit. like i am so into people who love his character but interpret him more sinister💕😚#truly eating that shit up
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every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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