#so im posting the whole thing on tumblr too in case you don't wanna go to ao3 ahaha

[shushmal]

Stranger to Myself (I think of Home)

For @steddie-week Day 5! Rated T — Check the tags and content warnings!

Eddie is a monster.

Eddie started watching Steve because it didn’t hurt so bad. Didn’t hurt like it does with every glimpse he catches of Wayne, of Dustin. The people who had loved Eddie when he was Eddie. But Steve—Steve was safe. Steve was a boy Eddie knew in passing glances and high school gossip, a guy who was laughing with his friends in another room at every party, a man who planted his feet and fought monsters and helped save the world. Steve who told Eddie to be safe, because Steve was kind when he didn't have to be, when he wasn't expected to—so Eddie finds himself watching Steve instead.

Because Eddie is a monster, and Steve knows exactly what to do with monsters. Eddie knows this.

To Steve, it wouldn't matter that Eddie is the last little bit of the apocalypse still kicking around Hawkins. Eddie who had been chewed up and spat out of hell at the last second, just before the final dungeon slammed shut, sneaking through the shadows unseen, past the unsuspecting heroes wrapped up in their victory. Past his friends, the people who had tried to keep Eddie safe. Past Dustin, who’s face had already been changed by grief.

Past Steve, as well. Steve, who told Eddie to be safe, and Eddie hadn’t.

Eddie wonders sometimes, what Vecna really had in mind for him. 

But Eddie is just an unfinished experiment, not quite who he used to be, but not yet the thing Vecna had been trying to twist him into, before the wrinkly ballsack bastard bit it and disintegrated into dust like some b-grade horror movie villain written by some unimaginative hack that shouldn’t have even been in the writer’s room.

He’s the last piece of the Upside Down, Vecna’s last monster, but Eddie’s worst crime post-resurrection is a bit of misdemeanor stalking, simple battery, and animal cruelty. A guy’s gotta eat, afterall. It had taken a while to figure out his own exact brand of vampirism, but Eddie’s gone a few years now without killing anything or anyone. He would be proud of it, but instead he watches Steve make dinner and feels sick on the aftertaste of iron and salt still coating his tongue.

Eddie had started watching Steve because it didn’t hurt, because Steve would take care of it, if Eddie ever needed to be put down. Eddie knows this.

So, it didn’t hurt so bad to watch Steve—until it did. 

By then, Eddie was too far gone and couldn’t stop.

His Steve who came back to his lonely castle, days and days after that final battle, after the climax of the story, the end of a legend, still bloody and scorched, none the wiser to the monster peering through his windows, watching. And that was Eddie’s first clue, that was how Eddie first learned that he wasn’t really Eddie anymore—that nervous energy he used to have in life had died with him. Now he sits motionless in the tall pines behind Steve’s house for hours and days, unmoving, as he watches Steve live. 

Sometimes, Steve looks out his window, eyes scanning the treetops like he knows Eddie’s there. Everytime, Eddie sits up a little straighter, like a dog eager for attention. But everytime, Steve’s eyes drift past him, unseeing, searching.

It leaves Eddie—already out of step with life, with humanity—a little unsettled, a little too hopeful. Eddie is a thing that shouldn’t be seen ever again, a dead man without a heartbeat, without breath in his lungs, without a reason to exist and yet still here. He wishes he were still dead. He wishes even more that Steve knew he was there, that Steve was looking for him. But Eddie knows better. Eddie can’t go to Steve, because Eddie is a monster and Steve has fought enough monsters. Eddie doesn’t want to get added to the list. He doesn’t want to do that to Steve.

Eddie sits in the trees instead, unmoving and watching for days and weeks. Sometimes he leaves, to feed. Sometimes he stands in the middle of Steve’s empty house when he’s gone, breathing in the lonely silence. Sometimes, he closes his eyes and dreams.

But they’re never his own dreams.

And he never, ever visits anyone else in their sleep, in their dreams and nightmares. No one, except for Steve. His Steve, who’s dreaming of a summer day, sun high in the sky, sitting on the top of skull rock with a six pack and a cigarette. It’s such a simple, beautiful dream. All of Steve’s dreams are like that. Eddie watches the line of Steve’s neck as he tilts his head back in the sunlight, face catching the July warmth.

Steve doesn’t startle when Eddie sits beside him. Just leans in until his head rests on Eddie’s shoulder. It’s beautiful, he’s so beautiful, Eddie wants to cry.

“I miss you,” Steve whispers, like it’s a secret. He presses a smile into Eddie’s jacket. “Isn’t that silly? I barely even knew you.”

Eddie has to swallow back the emotion filling his throat. “Yeah, that’s pretty silly,” he croaks.

“I wanted to though,” Steve sighs. He leans even closer, hands grasping at Eddie’s sleeve, the back of his shirt, and Eddie wishes they could melt into each other, become one thing, become Steve with just Eddie hiding between Steve’s ribs, in his blood, sitting in the center of his chest right next to his heart. “I wanted to know you. I wanted to kiss you so bad.”

If this were real, if they were really sitting on skull rock in the sunlight right now, if Eddie was human, he would be crying. But here, in Steve’s dream, he doesn’t, can’t. Maybe Steve doesn’t want him to be sad.

“Really?” he breathes instead. “Me?”

Steve hums, his hand sliding down into Eddie’s, fingers warm, soft. “Robin calls you my Great Bisexual Awakening.”

Eddie barks a laugh, throwing his head back. He wants to be sobbing, but he laughs instead and when he stops, Steve is looking up at him, painted dream soft and sweet. They watch each other, Eddie cataloging the specks of gold and green in Steve’s eyes. He’s beautiful. 

But then Steve blinks, and the corner of his mouth turns down, smile falling away. Eddie feels his skin prickle. He feels watched.

“I miss you,” Steve says again, urgent. And then, just like that, he smiles again, and the feeling’s gone, and Steve presses his face once more into Eddie’s shoulder. “Tell me something.”

Eddie tries to shake off the feeling of disquiet, to relax back into the tenderness of Steve’s dream. “Like what?”’

“Something I don’t know.” He’s beautiful, so beautiful, and Eddie adores him, loves him so much.

“I wanted to kiss you, too.”

Eddie opens his eyes, his breath sharp in the silent forest, and watches as Steve sits up in his bed, gripping the blankets tight in his fists. Even from here, in his haven in the trees, he can see the tears on Steve’s face. He never wants Steve to cry.

When morning comes, he steals into Steve’s home, buries himself in the lingering warmth of his sheets after Steve leaves for work. The fading smell of him is intoxicating, even the salty sting of Steve’s tears, and Eddie wants so desperately. Wants him from the pain in his throat, the hitch in his breath, the way he’s been hollowed from the inside out. Everything has been taken out of Eddie, scooped from between his ribs and scraped smooth, an empty jack o’lantern waiting to rot on the front step. 

The wanting is worse than the starving, the thirst. Eddie can’t cry anymore, he isn’t human enough to, but he wishes he could.

Instead, he lays in Steve’s bed, breathes him in, and disappears into the woods behind Steve’s home when he hears the rumble of Steve’s car turn onto the street. He watches as Steve falls into the bed, long gone cold since Eddie has soaked up all the warmth from the blankets in the long hours of Steve's absence. He watches, a monster, as Steve’s eyes glance through the window, eyes on the trees. Straightens up, hoping and wanting, and slumps as that gaze slides past him. He watches Steve’s evening with longing building in his chest, and when Steve slips beneath his covers, Eddie closes his eyes.

“What are you waiting for?” he asks.

Steve is sitting on the edge of his roof in this dream, watching the forest intently. He doesn’t turn his head towards Eddie, caught on a particular spot in the woods.

“You, I think. At least, I think it’s you. I hope it’s you.”

Eddie leans in close, hoping that Steve will turn his eyes, to look at Eddie, to give him that sweet, dreamy smile. “You shouldn’t bother waiting for something like me,” he tells Steve, desperate for those pretty eyes to look at him. “You should be happy.”

“I am happy,” Steve murmurs. He doesn’t look happy. He doesn’t look at Eddie. He watches the distant trees, standing guard. “I’m happy waiting. I think I can wait forever.”

Eddie doesn’t dare touch him, doesn’t dare turn Steve’s head. Even though it hurts. It hurts so bad, so Eddie opens his eyes. In the distance, Steve turns in his bed, chest expanding with a sleepy sigh, and doesn’t leave his dreams.

Morning comes again, and the night falls again, morning and night and morning. Eddie rises from his perch, glides closer to the empty house to steal through the unlocked door. He lays in Steve’s bed, in the shadow of Steve’s warmth left on the sheets. Breathes him in, even though Eddie needs no air. He leaves when he hears the rumble of a familiar engine. Night falls. He closes his eyes.

Eddie watches the way Steve sits on the edge of his roof again, feet dangling, eyes scanning the treeline at the back of his house, quiet and sentry. Like he’s waiting for another monster to appear between the tree trunks. Eddie sits beside him, and doesn’t speak, not even when Steve whispers, only once.

“I miss you.”

Morning comes again, and then night. Sun and moon, wax and wane. The summer heat does not bother Eddie, nor does the winter snow. He imagines building a family of snowmen in Steve’s yard, company for a lonely house. No one visits Steve here. Like they’d forgotten Steve altogether, and Eddie’s the only one left to bear witness to Steve Harrington. Steve who is lonely, who sleeps and dreams and waits for the monster in the woods. Or maybe…

Maybe Steve told them not to come here. Because here is only for Steve, and only for Eddie.

Night falls, and then the morning breaks. Steve doesn’t rise from the bed.

Uneasily, Eddie shifts. Snow slides from his shoulders, landing in heavy thumps on the forest floor below him. He watches as Steve rolls onto his back, arm over his eyes, mouth twisted in pain. Even from here, he can see the tears on Steve’s face. He watches Steve lay in bed the entire day, until night falls. Eddie closes his eyes.

Steve’s dream isn’t a dream this time—a vast darkness instead, stretching long and far. Eddie takes a hesitant step. Water splashes beneath his bare foot. He turns.

And suddenly, it’s like he can hear Steve in his ear, whispering, “I’m happy waiting. I think I can wait forever.”

Eddie turns again, and Steve is there, watching, waiting. Eddie feels the instinct of it, the prickling awareness of being seen. It settles over his skin, sharp and biting like ants. Eddie is the monster, and Steve has found him. His gaze roots Eddie where he stands, water lapping against his toes. The ripples roll away from him, stretching the unreachable distance between Eddie and Steve, distant stars, until they crash against Steve’s feet, and the water settles again, falls calm.

“I miss you though,” Steve whispers, right into Eddie’s ear. “I can wait forever, but I miss you.”

“Really?” Eddie asks. It echoes through the dark. He can see the way Steve smiles, even from so far away.

“Of course,” Steve whispers. “I’m waiting for—”

Dawn breaks through the trees, and Eddie opens his eyes with a gasp. The sound is sharp through the silent forest. Morning mist rises from the pine strewn ground. Steve isn’t in his bed anymore, and Eddie feels himself almost panic, gaze searching.

Searching, until he finds Steve, not even three feet up, sitting above his window on the roof. He stares out into the trees, stares right at Eddie, finally sees the monster in the woods. That gaze raises the hair on Eddie’s arm, animal instinct tightening his muscles, his bones. Steve watches him from his perch on the roof, watches Eddie watch him back. 

He’s the most beautiful thing Eddie’s ever seen.

Because Steve’s not standing guard. He’s waiting. Waiting for the thing in the woods, for Eddie to finally come home.

Eddie shouldn’t, shouldn’t go to him, but now that he knows, how can he make Steve wait a moment longer? 

Steve gasps when he appears, but it’s not fear in his eyes when he looks at Eddie. Eddie feels it again, feels watched, feels seen. Steve looks up at him and his smile is the most beautiful thing Eddie’s ever seen.

“There you are,” he whispers. “I missed you."

[twistedastrology]

♋cancers and rage♋

-------------------------------------------------

i just did a workout because i had way too much energy today and now im exhausted so im gonna talk abt sumn im very passionate abt while i sit on the floor and recover 😮‍💨

- 🌙 -

a pretty big observation ive made since ive been into astrology and more specifically since ive been basically reinventing it in my head is that cancers, especially cancer risings/cancer mars, have a VERY misunderstood relationship with anger.

most people ive seen have said something along the lines of cancers are crybabies and they tend to cry when they're angry or just skip anger altogether and go to the depression side of things

personally, im a cancer rising with mars conjunct my ascendant (and ofc saturn in my 1st 💞💞) and i have NEVER found this to be the case, and other cancer risings i know don't follow those stereotypes either

- ♈ -

in my experience, imagine a combination of aries energy and capricorn energy, THAT'S what cancers embody when it comes to emotion, especially rage.

i've written an entire newsletter on this and made a whole instagram post for it over at @bluedashercrafts (they're not on tumblr yet but the link takes u to their instagram!!) so i have indeed thought very in depth about this 😮‍💨

cancers can blow up like aries, but they can hold a grudge like capricorn- and if you're me and you have saturn in your 1st (in fixed fire btw 😮‍💨), you'll lean more towards the capricorn side of things in any emotion.

i personally have a massive tendency to bottle up the pain (andrageandfearthatifeeltHEPAINANDR-) until im in a safe environment to get it out (aka being alone with my earbuds in and music blasting) OR until i can't hold it in anymore and the steam gets so high pressured that it blows the lid off the fucking pot- that's when i gotta run away and isolate myself and do a workout ASAP otherwise i will likely hurt myself because there's just So Much Energy

- ♑ -

i wanna bring a couple other examples to the table so you get a better idea of what im talkin abt here-

if you're a korn enjoyer like me, you'll know the My Gift To You - Woodstock '99 performance. well the first time i saw that and it got to the "I HATE YOU- CAN'T YOU FEEL TEH PAAIN-" part, my fucking jaw dropped and i almost cried because i could not believe that i was seeing someone else exhibit the same like- Pure Unbridled Rage that i experience all the time- the kind of visceral emotion that literally makes you flail around on stage and then bang the microphone against it like 3+ times because you're trying to come back to reality like jonathan davis was-

THAT is the level I'm talking about- that is the level that is very specific to cancer placements, specifically cancer risings and cancer mars (and his mars is in a cancer degree of scorpio, so there you go)

another more well-known example would be Markiplier! if you've seen his rage game playthroughs, you'll know he throws chairs and mouses and just generally gets pissed to an ungodly extent- he's a cancer rising with his venus and sun in cancer and his mars in leo.

- 🌓 -

cancers are NOT the signs that break down crying when they experience anger, they are the ones that feel their blood boil more than aries does.

for another good example, my best friend has his mars and venus both in aries, but he's another cancer rising- whenever he gets angry, he gets VERY angry, but he doesn't have the saturn influence that i do, so his anger is much more aries-like (short fuse, louder about it and it doesn't last as long- his is more like the classic interpretation of anger issues), whereas mine is MUCH more capricorn-like (LONG fuse, WAY quieter about it but god forbid it gets loud, and it Can last a very long time)

- 🪐 -

now you might wanna ask me "why the hell do you keep saying aries and capricorn specifically", well i just explained that im not gonna lie BUT-

cancers are very aries-like because they're the CARDINAL water sign, and cardinal signs are basically just fire-coded whatever element they are- (aries is double fire, capricorn is fire-coded earth, libra is fire-coded air, and cancer is fire-coded water)

and with aries being the fire-coded fire sign, it's essentially capricorn is aries-coded earth- THAT'S why cancers can be VERY similar to aries.

as for capricorn, cancers are the sister sign to capricorn, so they'll share similar traits despite being on opposite sides of the wheel. PLUS, where fire burns itself out very quickly, water doesn't really dry out very quickly especially if there's a lot of it.

- 🌑 -

this is really just part 1 when it comes to my reinvention of cancers- ill cover their relationship with sex as opposed to scorpios in another post because i really wanna delve more into that BUT!!!

if you want more of a well-put-together post on this, go check out the ig post and newsletter i did for blue dasher crafts!!! i also dived a little more into my personal experience with the anger and catharsis i go thru being a cancer rising/mars so!!

[queercripintersex]

On intersex questioning

I recently put up a poll asking people what motivated them to question if they were intersex. Partly to know how "typical" I am. But also because I'm curious if people who are currently questioning their intersex status are noticeably different from those of us who already identify as intersex.

And I gotta say, the spread of responses look pretty similar!

Most of the asks I see on tumblr tend to be framed in medical terms. Personally, I was motivated more by social/psychological reasons (figuring out who I am and wanting to not feel like a lone freak). Turns out people like me are in the minority but we're hardly alone.

I honestly wonder how much of the medical asks are really about other things like belonging or gender but those reasons don't seem "valid" enough.

I wanna share the replies and reblogs because I would have found them useful to read back when I was questioning if I was intersex. I have lightly edited them for readability (if you wrote one and want to be quoted by username DM me!) To see the original comments go to the original post. Replies from intersex people "I went through several years of being confused about how I felt trans fem but also was afab. The day I was diagnosed with PCOS I searched it in Tumblr and found out it fell under the intersex umbrella and I accepted that identity for myself immediately. Intersex was never a question for me, it was the answer I had been looking for." "Multiple of the above! Mislabeled trauma and ignored medical issues made more sense after finding out, and a more general discomfort with how I look lessened after finding out, oh i look like this because of that and i look like that down there because of what they did to me"

"wanted to figure out both medical and gender stuff but medical was more pressing so i picked that one"

"never thought of myself as intersex until PCOS fucked my whole hormone cycle up. Now it feels weird not to say im intersex"

"medical issues and gender stuff i guess. I had stuff like slightly too early and too intense puberty and i was like. There is no way that this is normal theres gotta be something to explain this. And then after some time i found out there are hormonal intersex variations that do that stuff. Now to just get myself to accept that im still intersex on hrt 🙃"

"It was very complicated for me because for years I had a feeling that Something wasn't right. And I didn't technically have a period of questioning but I always did feel weird calling myself perisex bc I just felt Something was wrong. And then. Almost 2 years ago now. I was told by my parents that I had my chromosomes tested as a toddler. And I had triple X. They didn't seem to think it was a big deal or anything and so just never thought to tell me?. And then I had a brief questioning period on whether that counted as intersex but within a couple of days came to terms w it"

"Picking only one was tricky for me because the medical trauma and the gender stuff have been so deeply linked for me. [...] I didn't really seriously consider [questioning] until my mid-20s once I had access to therapy for the first time in my life ... At first in therapy the issues of medical trauma and of figuring out my gender were treated as though they were parallel issues but the more we explored them the more evident it was they were linked. When I went through hyperandrogen puberty it felt normal and appropriate, and everything my mom and doctors did to force my body into a female presentation was both traumatic and a source of gender dysphoria. [...] Figuring out I was intersex connected all the dots."

"Other. Wanted to know why people kept being confused by or shocked by my genitals. which honestly answered itself but then i wanted a more in depth medical answer Just In Case (like since i have ovotestis i am at risk of ovarian AND testicular cancer)"

💛💜💛

[sailorgundam308]

okay but you're right about the petite tav thing (also idk if you know but someone's lame ass "callout" post about you being a bully and how you'll never get commissions is circulating)

like in a game where you can create nearly anything with a tav it's boring as fuck to make them look copy pasted of every conventional girl irl. ive always thought that, it's why I can't read certain super popular fics in this fandom because the tav absolutely rips me out of any enjoyment (cough, the arrangement)

but it's not fair for people to be harassing you over your opinion, it's your blog if they don't wanna make themselves upset maybe they shouldn't be lurking on your page

It's what I think. I have no interest, never had, in any media, when a protagonist is the pretty standard petite girl. It doesn't resonate with me at all and, therefore, they come across as very boring to me.

About the post circulating about me, I know about it. It was made by 2 girls who didn't like when I said I don't like pairing Astarion with the aforementioned pretty petite tav type. They then devolved into, apparently, some sort of Alex Jones, calling into question my values as a person, made up what I said and whatnot. They've been flooding me with hate messages for a while, stopping short only of telling me to kill myself. But then, of course, I'm the bully in the story. lol

It's very much their problem. Anyone following me, reading what I say, knows what I stand for - and what I don't, cause I tend to say it pretty clearly.

And I agree with you, too: tumblr is a collection of personal blogs of people with differing opinions. Unless someone is attacking or harming a real person, or being an actual bigot, it's all a matter of thinking differently about things. And that's not an issue.

You'd think people who claim to be so inclusive would understand that not everyone has to agree on things - and that you shouldn't dig the internet for content that will piss you off because you feel like going on a moral rampage for the sake of feeling superior. You WILL find content to make you angry. Thing is, some of that will be justified. Some, apparently, will just be me saying im not into X type of pairing.

Sound's pretty easy to do, but some folks are actually pretty incredible in regards to the amount of effort they'll put to go after someone they (don't know) but decided they dislike.

One of the girls saying she "took a screenshot" of what I said is from a discord I'm also a member of, and I think she got jealous cause I only posted Karlach x Astarion art and they shipped him with a different character. The other one is just a hardcore harasser. I got all their hate messages saved. Maybe one day I'll post it so people can see what kind low level stuff they said to me. It was WILD.

In any case. I never deleted the post where I said I think Astarion doesn't look good with pretty cutesy girly tavs cause I DO think that, and there's nothing wrong with me saying it. I'm not talking about any real person, nor even any tav in particular. But people like to distort shit to make waves then feel morally superior.

Thankfully, my commissions are doing great! I don't beg anyone to hire me, and as with everything else online, no one is forced to anything - commission me or even interact with my blog. There is a block function here and I use it often - it works wonders.

Anyway, thanks for saying that. Truly. This whole thing was pretty upsetting at first, but I soon realized there was no conversation to be had with thesef people - they don't want to talk. They want to tear someone they don't know apart to feel superior and "win".

It's nice to know not everyone bought into the gaslighting shit these two (and probably now more ppl) are spouting.

:)

[8cfc00]

I think that- oh sorry HI 👋 I hope you don't mind the ask haha I didn't feel like rambling in tags- I've also noticed the downtrend in dndads posting, and while it *could* be some mini migration of people to other fandoms, I'm not so sure that that's the case? Not that people aren't getting into new things (I myself have been, for that matter,) but... How to put it. I feel like the show itself, despite approaching the finale, has kind of been at a quiet point where there simply isn't too much to talk about rn? Like I think the noise will pick back up in the fandom when it picks back up in the show if that makes sense?? Also just a busy time of year for a lot of people I think tbh! And since the fandom is so small to begin with (as you know), it's more noticeable when a bunch of people are preoccupied!

That's what I'm feeling anyways! But yeah I've been thinking about it too, and I empathize with the whole "feeling sad when people leave fandoms" thing, so I felt inclined to share my two cents in case it's any consolation haha. Regarding what you said about whether or not the show is "bad"- yeah, I agree! There's some places it really shines and some places that just aren't its forte, but me personally as long as I'm having fun I'm staying put right here! 😤❤️

!! HELLO!!! and yeah you bring up some good points... like there really isnt too much going on in the story character/emotion wise that people can latch on to (in contrast to the more angst ass eps that seem to be a bigger hit among fandom types) PLUS with only one jan ep the pace at which dndads has been releasing is. a bit slow (ep 50 was basically just 49 part 2 too so...)

as for the parts the show is good at vs the parts it isnt. i think it also comes down to the individuals/groups judging it, and the differences in their expectations... like with s2 ep31 the cast was talking about how the ep sucked in the teen talk, but on tumblr the tag had trended with SO much art... there have also been times when i had really enjoyed an episode only to find not much talk about it. so its really different for different people i guess

i try to not feel TOO dejected about stuff i have no control over (especially online stuff) but yknow life has been stressful and ig some of that stress had carried over to my posting. i didn't mean to start discussion about how good the podcast is (i've seen enough of that on reddit LOL) i dont wanna harsh the vibes, esp cuz i know i dont feel very good when i see critical posts about a show i DO enjoy a lot! (i am similarly " having fun")

THANKS FOR RESPONDING THO it was kinda nice to see im not the only one seeing and thinking about things! yaaaaaa

[teneriadvos]

Teneri ad Vos

meaning "enthralled by you" in Latin.

💜

Vos || 19 yrs || He

Can't stress enough: MINORS, DNI. DO NOT INTERACT. THIS IS NOT THE BLOG FOR YOU. ALSO, I WILL BLOCK YOU IF YOU TRY TO FOLLOW ME AND YOU DON'T HAVE AN AGE IN YOUR BIO OR PINNED POST. THANKS.

💜 Fun Vos Facts! 💜

- College student

- Writer

- Total nerd (D&D, Video games, etc. Ask me about my collections!)

- In case you can't tell, I'm a Latin nerd too :)

- More holes than the average man

- Bi guy

- Happily taken :) I have a lovely girlfriend and she smokes weed

All of the other stuff is going below the cut. One more time, MINORS DNI. FINAL FUCKING WARNING. THANKS.

okay, let's get into the meat and potatoes of it all. i basically only log in to this acc when im bored out of my skull or looking to jerk off. there's like an 18% chance i'm asexual and i have days where the very concept of sex makes me feel physically ill. bear with me. whatever. here's what you're all looking for.

💜 Sexy Vos Facts!! 💜

Okay, green for giving, blue for receiving. Purple for both.

I'm switchy as hell but I'm really only going to be thinking subby thoughts on this blog. I might make the rare dom post or two but I will not play dom. Thanks 💜 Okay now let's get into it:

- Raging hypnosis / brainwashing kink. Love getting tranced out 💜

- Dumbification and stuff like that :) I guess it kind of goes hand in hand with the hypno but sometimes it's just so nice to not Think about Things

- Praise kink my beloved. To care and be cared for is always really nice

- Denial and edging. God it's so much fun but I'm so bad at it lol

- Bondage!! Tie me up in ribbons and rope! Plus, I want to learn shibari so bad...

- Puppy play stuff!! Ask me to bark and I go woof!!

- Mommy kink :) Sometimes it's just nice to be mommy's baby boy y'know?

- Royalty kink. I'll gladly be a knight or prince of your kingdom hehe

- Blasphemy and the corruption that comes with it. Turns out there's a reason I like being called angel so much :3

- Plus some crazy fantasy stuff. Y'know, tentacles and aphrodisiacs and monsterfucking and holding hands with someone who really really loves me, etc etc

- Uhhh recent development I wanna get pegged and / or actually railed??? I want cock or strap in my hole??? ASAP??? please and thank you???

[This list is subject to change or expand depending on what Tumblr does to me.]

💜 What Vos doesn't like. 💜

- If you're kind to me, I will be kind to you. That's the golden rule on my blog. Don't be a dick, and don't be a creep.

- ABSOLUTELY DO NOT ASK FOR PICTURES OF ME. I know I'm whoring myself out on the internet but I'd like to keep it to just words.

- Please don't open conversations by sending me nudes or spirals. It's kind of weird to me. Say "hi" or "hello" or even just ask me first!! Thank you!!

- Please keep your sissy, detrans, forced-fem, and misgendering stuff to yourself please.

- Additionally, no thanks on piss, scat, race, and gainer/feeder stuff! It is NOT for me. Also, I'll probably block you if it's your whole account.

- I block empty, no-pfp no-name no-description etc. blogs on site. At least make your profile look a little lived-in.

- MINORS DNI. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME. I KNOW I'VE SAID IT A COUPLE TIMES ALREADY BUT I AM BEING SO SERIOUS. THIS IS NOT A BLOG FOR YOU IN ANY CAPACITY. GO AWAY.

- I'm not looking for a long term dynamic. But DM me maybe and we can play around?

[These boundaries are also subject to change. If you're freaking me out, I will tell you. If you continue to freak me out, I will block you. If you're a robot, uh, go fuck yourself. Idk.]

💜 Vos Terminology Index 💜

Please call me...

- Masculine terms; man, boy, guy, dude, etc.

- Pretty, good, sweet, and baby boy.

- Dumb, empty-headed, pathetic, needy.

- Prince, puppy, dog, toy, angel, doll.

- Chest, dick, and hole to talk about my anatomy.

If you're unsure about something, pop in and ask!

💜 Closing remarks! 💜

I'm a total nerd with a writer's background, and I tend to get really wordy. If I write some nerdy or horndog ramble, just bare with me. I like talking lol

Okay, that's all from me!! I hope all of this wasn't too boring! Remember, be kind and receive kindness in return.

Vos out. 💜

[askingexorcists]

So am i gonna have to circle round to anon? Since im blocked on everything else and youre ignoring me on paypal? Thats fucked dude. I wouldnt have had a problem if youd just said to me 'hey man so sorry i actually cant/dont wanna send you stuff' but to block me with no explaination dude?? Cmon! Did you forget youd sold stuff to me? Did you not care?? Did you just want money?? Bullshit.

So I've not been on tumblr for a while now because I've been so stressed out with this... most of you probably know that I sold some blue exorcist merch a little while back...I maybe sent out like 15 parcels round about?

A particular person I sold too claimed they didn't arrive, I had provided proof of shipping, screenshots/tracking number and whatever else. I have no idea if the items actually arrived to this person and she's lying about it, however I don't want to belive that, and I've had issues with royal mail (who I shipper with) in the past so it's possible her package was just lost or something of the sort.

However since it didn't arrive I tried to resolve this with this person, but like I said I had all the proof of postage. I asked if they'd sort if with their bank/PayPal or royal mail. Once it's shipped there isn't really anything I can do about it.

I cannot afford to refund for a package that I have the proof I shipped, especially since I do not know for sure if this person received the money or not. We've both opened a case with PayPal to try resolve this, and since I had the proof of postage there wasn't a lot to go on.

I never wanted to sell any of my merch, it was honestly a very sad sale for me, but I've got my own child now, and life gets very expensive and I just wanted to earn some extra cash for him

Despite this I could NEVER scam anyone or anything of the sort. Every other single person I sent parcels too told me their stuff arrived and were very happy with it. I included little free gifts and notes in every order. I really, honestly tried. I chased up the order with my local post office. I spoke to the post company online. I've spoken to PayPal. I've tried everything for a peaceful ending to this, but ultimately I have to let this person sort this out either their bank or PayPal or something.

It's been really stressing me out and I've been so anxious over the whole thing for a good while now, I've blocked this person and I hope they get their money back/get the parcel or such, and I wish them the best.

I've been in the blue exorcist fandom for almost 9 years now and I've made so many great friends through this app and this fandom, and talked to so many great people. It was such a big part of my life and my childhood. Even though I don't update the blog anymore hardly...I still read the aoex manga monthly, I'm always lurking on posts reading everyone's content, always reading everyone's theory's. I've stayed of my blog a while now as I've been so anxious of all this but now honestly I just want it past me as I know I've tried all I can to resolve this.

Also wanna say thank you to everyone who's bought from me / supported this blog ♡

[deathmcth-archived]

This isn't a callout and i don't want it to be treated that way. i dont want this reblogged and i'm going to be turning off replies for this post. the intentions behind this post are to strictly make people aware of what's going on and why i'm leaving this blog for good. i do have a backup blog currently in the works, and i've already deleted the majority of the info i've made on ayalon and saved it elsewhere, just in case that gets copied too.

If any of you wanna talk about this privately with me, my discord is cloves#2852

i'm gonna be blunt and say i really don't know if i'm even gonna bother coming back. and i'm sorry it took just one person to ruin this experience for me. If you feel that this isn't something you need to take seriously or invest much care into, that's fine; this post isn't meant to ask people to be reactionary and you are free to do with this information what you will. but this is something that has impacted my time here and I wanted to speak up on it. again, this is just me explaining why i'm leaving this blog, and creating a whole new one that's going to be extremely private (if i do decide to come back).

i do want to thank the people that came to be privately about the situation and let me know what was up, and thank you for validating my feelings and telling me that i'm not crazy for seeing the similarities. i'm not gonna namedrop you guys because i dont want you dragged into anything, but i still really wanna thank you.

this is going to sound really harsh and im sorry for that, but i'm not going to be interacting with people that RP with falseamore. i thought about how i wanted to proceed with this, and at first i thought 'ok, just quietly softblock the people that interact with them and that'll be that.' but they're a very popular RPer, and i realized that if i were to go that route, i would be softblocking every single one of my mutuals. so i figured i might as well just make a whole new blog, and if i end up having only one whole RP partner there, i'm ok with that. because again, i dont want anyone to feel obligated to do anything, so i'm making the decision to leave things as they are here and start somewhere else. if you wanna know where i'm at, we can talk about it, but i'm standing my ground with this decision. seeing falseamore all over my dash after what they did has made me incredibly uncomfortable.

i want to apologize again for putting this on people's dash. i know everyone has a strict 'no drama' policy and if you dont want to interact after this, i understand. but being here has stopped being fun for me, and i feel like i can't post anything anymore without worrying about my stuff being taken. i've had a character stolen from me before on tumblr, and it's really not a good feeling. i'm also not about to turn the other cheek like i did the first time it happened. i know this is just a hobby, but please try to understand why i'm upset. especially because they didnt need to do this. i used to be mutuals with falseamore until i quietly softblocked them ( there's no drama or "tea" there, i just wasn't vibing with them anymore. that's it. no bad blood ), and soon after that they made a character that is eerily similar to ayalon. i know they made a post and casually mentioned that they had this character for 8 years, but why did they bring him back now, after i softblocked them, and why is he a near copy of ayalon? i'm not the only person who noticed, and it's because multiple people have come to me with their concerns that i had the courage to even post this in the first place.

i don't own death/life and im certainly not saying here that absolutely no one else can make characters that represent one or both aspects. i want everyone to have creative freedom and i love other characters that are centered around death as a whole. make death gods, make death incarnations; i understand that some characters are going to be similar to each other and that's ok! but what i'm getting at here is how falseamore created a character that is, and i'm quoting this from an RP mutual who came to me first about the similarities, "ayalon but in a different font" right after i had softblocked them. i really want to make it clear here that i'm not trying to seem controlling or like i'm trying to say that only i can make a character that is an incarnation of death. and i'll repeat that as many times as i need to to get my point across.

under the readmore is going to be most of the stuff i'm talking about.

i'm going to start from the beginning here, and sorry if this doesn't all make sense! i've never had to do something like this before. AGAIN THOUGH. this aint a callout, i really know it seems like one, i'm aware of that. it's just an explanation as to where im coming from.

here's proof we were mutuals and have interacted. i want to get that out of the way first. at the time their url was unfathomablebeings

in november of 2022 i reblogged a commission i got of ayalon that shows exactly what he looks like, minus a few details (namely his piercings). here's the post, and a snippet of falseamore interacting with the post. so they knew what he looked like while making their current death oc, as well what ayalon's personality is like.

below is their death character that they created (or brought back, whichever one) shortly after i softblocked them. below that is ayalon's own description on his bio page as well as some of his personality traits. some characters are just going to be similar, yes, but things are just.. too similar, you know? especially because they knew about ayalon. we've interacted. sure, this could be the case where an oc doesn't look exactly like the fc, but it still doesnt erase the fact that this faceclaim looks like ayalon's canon appearance. the fringe, long and unkempt hair, the ashe blond, the kind of piercings and their placements, and the tattoos.

i wouldn't have cared too much about appearances if it just ended at that. lots of OCs have tattoos and piercings in the same places. there's only so much room on a single body. but even their personalities are similar. Vulgar, crude, no filter. That's a big part of who ayalon is and it's gonna show in more screenshots coming up.

i get that these are all very broad traits for an oc to have. but it continues to strike me as odd that falseamore has given their Death OC the very same characteristics as ayalon. if these features were given to any other OC, there would have been absolutely no problem. so why did they decide to "bring back" this character, and give him nearly the same appearance and personality traits as ayalon? is it because i softblocked that they decided to take inspiration from ayalon to continue RPing with a similar character? either way, it's made me uncomfortable.

the whole point of this blog is to RP a fallen God who's now a tattoo artist and a piercer. i have ayalon's occupation in his bio and in my pinned post, as well as most of his interactions have been ayalon being someone's go-to guy for body modifications. so him being a tattooo artist and a piecer is nothing new, that is what this blog is based on. everyone who's interacted with him or at the very least, seen ayalon knows that's the theme here. here's a quick thing of my bio again where it plainly states that ayalon does tattoos and piercings.

this is falseamore's Death's first interaction with other people. he's offering to be their piercer. again, why is it that this character has another thing in common with ayalon? something that this blog is heavily based around- ayalon giving people body modifications. ayalon is death/life incarnate, with a vulgar personality and an knack for trying to convince people to get a piercing.

they have also created a character that is death incarnate, has a vulgar personality, and a knack for trying to convince people to get piercings. these also show how similar their death's appearance is to ayalon.

here's some screenshots i took of ayalon also doing something similar when first interacting with people. (suggestive content tw;)

everyone's free to hold their own opinions on this and how important it actually is. but to me it's hurtful. even if they didn't mean to copy what i have for ayalon, they still obviously took inspiration from what i've worked on and i'm still entitled to feel how i feel about it. it makes me feel crappy that they're being praised for a character that they.. blatantly ripped off from me. i know this is something so very, very minor, but after going through this once before, i've learned that i need to stick up for myself when i see something that i don't like.

i'm reiterating here that if i lose all of my mutuals over this, that's ok. that's fair. i'm going to archive this blog and you won't hear from me again. i'm not going to stick by people who interact with falseamore strictly for my own comfort, nor am i going to tell people to "choose a side" here. this was only just so people know what im talking about. this really does suck, i'm sorry. being here isn't fun anymore when i know this is happening. if i do come back, it's not going to be on this blog.

my discord will be open if people want it.

[navel-gazing-necromancer]

hey no need to answer this ask, I probably won't see it anyway, I just saw the most recent post you made due to tumblr putting random posts on my dash sometimes and it's none of my business BUT.

I know literally nothing about you or your situation so have that in mind. that being said, consider this ask a sign to do whatever you want to do. listen to your heart and all that disney fairytale shit. want a haircut? grab some scissors cowboy. wanna dye your hair? buy the hair dye at the nearest store and use it at 3 AM. anything that makes you happy? do it. life's too short and all that.

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: AS LONG AS ITS FAIRLY SAFE OKAY ONLY YOU KNOW WHATS WITHIN THE REALM OF POSSIBILITY FOR YOU ALRIGHT IM JUST SOME GUY ON TUMBLR DOT COM WHO CANT MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS 😭

ok sorry for bothering you I just. idk guess I'm playing fairy godmother russian roulette bc I'm insane. still. you can get through this soldier . whatever "this" might be. also in case you need to hear this your mom sucks and you should hate her instead of hating yourself. OKAY SORRY IM DONE NOW

GO GET SOME JOY AND WHIMSY IN YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!! (AS LONG AS ITS SAFE!!!!!!!!!!)

ok,

i fucking love you

i can try!! i don't trust myself to cut anything more than a bob, let alone layers (I've played with god before and it's worked 1/2 times) but I might be able to press her on that. i get dropped off at a store every day so I could probably find something... i don't know the first thing about dying hair but Brad Mondo as my witness I may try

thank you sm (for this whole thing and for calling me cowboy)

I don't know who you are, but I will find you, and I will add you (please don't let that reference be outdated bc otherwise I just look like a massive creep)

[girlbowser]

yo fyi the tumblr overlay stuff is overwriting the search box and search button. Anyway today's dual is Dragon of Storm (BardThief of BreathHope) and I'd love to hear any examples you can think of that specific classpect in media

on point 1: so i fixed that, and then out of curiosity i went and checked my feedback form - turns out there were eight unread responses, ope. and turns out there was a massive bug and subtraction just. didnt work right.

so i fixed those, and then i added a fixed navbar, and that caused all SORTS of issues but it looked better so blargh but anyway. The Website Has Been Updated (which is also, the tumblr! i dont know how tumblr works but if you go to the full page the changes are there too). Now the site has like, a better navbar??? this took way too long to be worth it lmfao

Also most of the replies to the form was about Homesturdle. One day I will get back to the Homesturdle^2 update that I had planned, but that day is, "i don't want to learn typescript" days away lol

anyway

ON DUALS (alicorn theory primer)

Dual Classpects are a couple of things. They're a system to give funky names to sprite-fused Homestuck characters, they're a way to make cool sounding titles, but it's also mostly today's XKCD.

In the case of today (April 23, 2022), we're gonna be playing around with Dragon of Storm.

DRAGON OF STORM

(yeah i know the website is a lil janky rn. if anyone has suggestions for a logo n stuff hmu)

Anyway. Dragon of Storm. The search page says that a Dragon of Storm is made out of ThiefBard of BreathHope, so to get a Dragon of Storm you could do a few things.

Number one is that you grab a Bard of Breath and a Thief of Hope, and sprite-fuse them together. This is the original way Dual Classpecting worked, and I think it's fairly understandable. Bam, two people, now one person. New classpect.

The other way to do it is through Alicorn Theory, which is not for this post in terms of an in-depth explanation, but I'll do a brief rundown here. Basically, what if alicornhood is achieved through doing character growth Really Really Good, like, triumphing over your classpect + a bonus one.

For the purpose of this post, we'll be looking at making an alicorn out of a Thief of Hope -- Peter Quill, from GOTG2.

Peter's whole thing is that he's been actively taken from places, but that gives him new opportunities, new hopes. There's more to this classpecting, but I'll save it for a larger post on the Hope aspect (most of what I'd say in it can be viewed here). For now, let's take it as granted and move on.

(Special thanks to @nihilistic-janitor for being the driver of like 70% of this blog's meta and for being just generally fucking awesome. This would not exist without them.)

To become fully realized as a Dragon of Storm, he needs to overcome the challenges of both his inverse classpect (Page of Rage) AND the bonus secondary one (the inverse of Bard of Breath, Maid of Blood). This actually fits GOTG vol2 kinda perfectly.

Peter's big new struggle in this film kinda IS that of a Maid of Blood. He just found out about a new, like, literal biological part of him, but it's also a new familial relationship that drives the film's conflict. He has to overcome this, become a Bard of Breath (one who passively destroys thru and is passively destroyed by freedom/youth/innocence/travel), leave Ego behind, and be with his team.

He also achieves Page of Rage in this film - like, the giant pacman is. i mean. like. come on.

right???? gamers????????

anyway

By the end of the film, once he's finally at his like, Character Growth Achieved moment, that's a Dragon of Storm, I tell ye. I declare it.

but, yeah! that's basically it for that ask. this post deleted itself halfway thru typing it and i had to redo it, so, like, lol

if anyone else has asks they wanna submit, always feel free! and thank you to all the new followers :D im pleased as hell to see people like the work i put in, and i wanna make it better!

[alexiaugustin]

good morning mutuals and everyone else on tumblr who is cool and made my year! this is gonna be my mutuals appreciation post 2020 because if anything good happened this year then it's getting to know all of you guys so there's that. i love you all so so sooo much and always love to see y'all and your gif sets / memes / crack posts /rants / edits and so on and so forth on my dash. you made this year beautiful and i just wanna thank u for that!💘💘 (also im sorry if the picture above activates anyone's fight response i just thought that it would fit if i went back to where it all started)

@engelkeijsers mare my love i don't even have words to describe how much i love you and am happy to have you in my life. i consider you one of my closest friends by now and that's why i always message you whenever exciting shit happens in my life (or whenever shit goes down that ofc depends🤪). our phone calls were so fucking funny and i loved talking to you sooo much i can't wait to meet you in real life one day!!💖 please feel hugged you're such a beautiful human.

@dreamaur ann my beloved mutual i love you from the bottom of my heart and just wanna thank you for being the cute bitch that u are who always remembers our mutuals anniversary like....🥺🥺 i just love that we always watch and read and stan the same things like what kind of soulmutuals behavior is this?. can't wait for s&b to air so we can always freak out about kaz and inej and everyone else together. i'm kissing your cheek and wish you the absolute best for 2021 because u deserve the best😽

@sotorubio silja i love you and your blog so much you just have such a galaxy brain and you're so eloquent and your blog is one of the few that i check on regularly because i don't wanna miss a single post you make. here's a fun fact before i properly got to know you i thought that you were sooo intimating i don't even know why and then we started talking at some point and i was like "hold on a second they are SO lovely and warm actually and not intimating at all hdhdh" as you might have figured out by now i always love talking to you about skames or rant about 13rw and everything else. i just love u!!!🧡

@helmtaryn aurore you are probably the first person who ever started talking to me on here and so it all began and we always talked abt skam france before s6 started and during and you're just such a wonderful person!! thank you for always being there for me and helping me with my french homework i truly cannot thank you enough for that because you're constantly saving my ass jdhd. you're just so fun to talk to and such a talented gif maker like... for real your gif sets always knock me out and you're always so original in what you gif🥺❣

@geminibf i know i've told you that before but your blog is my comfort blog on here literally just seeing your posts on my dash always makes my day and you're one of the most beautiful ppl i've ever known like how do you even manage to do that🥺💘 plus you're sooo talented at this point im convinced that there's absolutely nothing that you cannot do so yeah i have no idea where this sentence is going but i guess what im trying to tell u is that i love u and im so happy to be ur friend

@alterlovex niiiii❣❣❣ you're not even like a tumblr mutual you're like my tumblr sister (figure out what the hell this is supposed to mean jdjd) and you were one of the first people who hyped my stupid posts up and it always made me go 🥺😭. i started following you despite the fact that u had a wtfock icon (honorary) and i absolutely never regretted it. you're so beautiful and warm and so is your blog and i will try to talk more to u again in 2021. im virtually sending you so many flowers🌷🌻🌸💐

@jorgecrespo you're just the coolest bitch alive. i followed you for your skam rankings and stayed for your whole entire personality. every post you make truly just slaps, you never miss, and i relate to you so much jdjd. the way you answer anon messages will forever be my favorite thing about your blog and just the way you talk in general like without even seeing your url i always know when it's you who wrote a post. i love you❕❕💖

@jusdekiwi you and aurore are the reason why french people deserve rights, you are such a lovely and genuine person and i absolutely love you and your chill vibes on your blog. also thank you for helping me out with my french homework thingy once like. thank you so so much for being so lovely and taking your time julia!🌻

@suburbanenigma carmen i love you and all of your posts and just the vibes on your blog!!! also omfg your riverdale side blog always makes me laugh soo much i truly cannot wait for s5 to air so we can make fun of it together because i will live blog the shit out of it too!! you're just one of the coolest bitches ever i don't know how else to say it. i love you and cant wait to talk to you more next year. you're such a blessing for this hellsite🦋✨

@sundaymorninghangover julian you are one of my oldest friends on here and i've loved you ever since i found your blog and figured out that u were a part of the having taste club (skames fandom) too!! you're so chill!!! i love your brain!! i love your posts!!! and most importantly i love you. please keep on blessing my dash with your cool posts because they are definitely appreciated and loved in this house. also i miss your frog icon (please don't hit me in case it wasn't a frog) it just spoke volumes about your vibes but i love ur new one too!! still associate the purple heart with you so here it is 💜💜

@lesbeanfatou clara you simply are an angel. you used to have a nora grace icon and i went: that's it, she's the one, she has taste im gonna follow!! and look it was one of the best decisions ever. you're my favorite chaotic n cool mosquito hater and i just love you so much and you made my year beautiful!! thank you for always listening to me when i came into your inbox to have a break down (positive or negative) over the we feel in love in october girl and thank you for teaching me how make edits!!!💐💘

@aoixe you're one of my favorite skamfr hate blogs and certain men hate blogs (if u know u know) i always love talking and ranting with you and am so glad that we're sometimes just dming!! you're vibes are so cool a d you seem like such a chill person i love you and wish you all the best for 2021!!❣❣

@fatoudixon ana i love you and your blog so so much and especially your druck reaction videos on youtube!! you seem like such a genuine and beautiful person and even though we're not talking much please just know that im always happy to see you on my dash. happy new year to you!!💘💘

@cash-queens sam🥺 you're so sweet and kind this hell site truly doesn't even deserve you but we all love that you're here anyway!! i would protect you with my life and i hope that we will get to talk more in 2021 because you're such a lovely person and for now im just gonna wish u a happy new year✨

@avaceleste sophiaaa💌 you've been here ever since the very beginning of skamfr season 6 and i always love talking to you and long live our eliola jokes, you were probably the person i started this cult with so here is our eliola emoji starterpack one more time in 2020 💏🌧🎬

@hashtag-ohboy-nicetry i have no idea whose side blog this was but the url alone made my entire year🤭🤞

@ random love anon❤ i love you and hope that 2021 will be a good year for you because you absolutely deserve it!!! wishing u nothing but the best i always love to see you around!💐💘

all the other amazing blogs i love and am always happy to see on my dash (doesn't matter if we're mutuals or not)

@floraflorenzi / @bi-kieu-my / @gumptin / @thegirlnooneknows5 / @littleweirdoss / @sohereisthisasshole / @noramachwtz / @nori-in-pink / @ayellowcurtain / @mailinrichter / @ijzermanora / @fudgetunblr / @lesbianfatous / @norgestan / @cfgc / @avaspereira / @theflowerisblue / @smblmn / @jon-astronaut / @amiraamore / @parelmoer / @stqrz 💘❣💐🦋💌🌸

i wish all of you a very happy new year and thank you for all of your gifs, posts, translations, fanfics & edits you all truly make this place beautiful❕💘

[franeridart]

hi. hello. this is a bit embarrassing but i'm trying to buy my bf a tablet sort of thing so he can draw his arts. he's been wanting one forever but hasn't rly shown me which one he wants. i want to surprise him n buy a good one worth the money n was just curious if you had any suggestions. i've looked into wacom products, but i'm just such a noob to these things n was hoping you can help... i understand if this is silly, you don't have to reply! ur just so amazing, ur opinion is trustworthy 😅☺️

Okay, so, this is just my opinion and since it’s based completely on personal experiences it’s gonna possibly be incredibly different from other people’s opinions, so I just wanna make clear from the start that this is a personal preference and isn’t in any way meant as an absolute truth

Anyway, as far as I’m concerned when you’re just starting out you don’t need anything fancy at all. As an aspiring digital artist your bf might have looked up tablets and cried tears of blood over how much he’d like a cintiq or anything similar, but my very personal opinion is that fancy stuff is gonna be pretty much useless to you and be generally a waste of money? You’re just learning, you don’t need anything more than the basics. My suggestion is that you pick something simple and easy to use - I own this wacom intuos, had it for a long while and I like it a lot, but there’s also less expensive options you can go for too that people seem to like just as much! I’ve lately read on my dash about the Huion H610, they say it doesn’t cost much at all but it’s just as good as the Intuos, that could be a good option for you~

Anon said:  Hey!!! I was wondering if its ok to rb your oc art? I realized a lot less people rb those and i get anxious easily so... also i really don't want to disrespect either! But i always thought of rebloging as a way of saying "i appreciate your art" and i really really (really ) like yours (both the style and itself in general). (I hope you dont mind my bad english ha ha) i hope you don't mind this stupid ask! Im still kind of new to tumblr

It’s 100% okay!!!! *O* Thank you for liking them enough to want to reblog them ;A; !!!!

Anon said:i miss ur bokuroteru so much 😭💕 i love ur art but whenever i see ur header, i just remember ur bokuroteru comic and my heart cries storms for them to be seen again.

Aw anon I’m super happy you like my stuff for those three but as of now inspiration in that department is... super low... and tbh the haikyuu fandom is being incredibly unresponsive and non-vocal about their appreciation of fanworks in this period so even when I do have ideas for that fandom I sort of. Let them go. Or just sketch them out and never finish them.

Like, you know the whole deal about having to draw for yourself and not for others? That’s what I do 100% of the times when I’m starting a drawing, but to draw for myself I don’t exactly need to finish a drawing, you know? Sometimes there’s a scene I wanna see and I sketch it out in a super rough way and as far as my personal desire to see it goes I’m satisfied with that, and everything after that - the cleaning and lining and maybe even coloring - I put the effort in it because I want to share it with people. And the deal with the Hq!! fandom lately is that they don’t share my excitement for it. They either only like it, or don’t comment on it, or comment only to complain about this or that thing. In the worst case posting hq!! only ends up with people asking me to draw something else (ie I feel like drawing Karasuno so I draw it and post it and no one comments/rb/says anything about it but there’s 20 asks in my inbox asking me why I haven’t drawn any bok*ro lately)

When I think about posting stuff for hq lately I automatically compare it to posting stuff for bnha where I could draw a background character that appeared once 120 chapters ago and there’s still gonna be people that go “yes! that character!! I love that character!!! can’t believe there’s actual art for it oh my god!!!!” - that’s... that’s the sort of reaction that makes you wanna share stuff

I dunno, maybe I’m just expecting too much out of the hq fandom. But anyway, sharing for bnha makes me way happier and glad I decided to finish a drawing lately, so I guess that’s what’s happening there.

Anon said:Every time your soft doods art shows up on my dash I have to pause and take a deep breath and just thank god for all the good in the world because I'm blown away every single time

This is s o s w e e t oh my god ;A; thank you so much!!!!

Anon said:Johnny is a fucking angel dammit. Have you read the new DGM already?? I'm in tears. I love this manga so much. The frequency of the releases are killing me... it has such a great story and great characters. It needs more love

I did read it!!!! And yeah the fandom used to be way bigger, but honestly I’m glad it’s just the couple dozens people it is. Like a small town where everyone knows everyone else. No drama, no discourse. Everyone ships what they want and we all pass each other tissues to dry the tears. The only argument that happens regularly is people complaining about the relase schedule and the old fans telling them to let Hoshino live. A good place, this fandom’s a good place.

DGM was my playground for most of my experimenting as far as creating art goes, I really did reach in all directions with it through the years and it helped me shape myself a lot, so I really want it to stay quiet and nice and peaceful, that’s my dream for it haha smaller fandoms have a better chance to keep that freedom

Anon said: Oh man, I live for that Togata x Amajiki interaction

You talking about the color spread cause yes that was adorable!!! ;A;

Anon said:I look a little, and do you still draw Bakugo x Kirishima x Kaminari?

Sure, it’s still my main ship for Kaminari and my main ot3! Just wait for Denki to start being relevant in the manga again, I’ll probably fall headfirst into it all over again haha

Anon said:Your art is so wonderful you're wonderful everything's so wonderful i'm crying omg

SOB no anon you’re wonderful!!!!

Anon said:Due to my brain not wanting to cooperate with me (ever), Bakugou Katsuki is now Batsuki Katsuki in my head.

This is the funniest thing I’ve read today and I’m in t e a r s hahaha

Anon said:Artistic!Mina making pop art and colorful paintings :o what are ur thoughts

HELL YES that’s my main headcanon for Mina, she’s definitely an artsy girl!!! I like the idea of her sharing it with Bakugou t b h

Anon said:I'm still just repeatedly looking at your newest KiriBaku because hot damn.

I’m super glad you liked it!!!!!!! oh my gOD!!!!!!!

Anon said:Heyy please rec Kami comics please! I'm in a Kami art shortage and I currently can't find art as awesome as yours...

I’m so sorry I wish I could help you with this but I don’t know anyone who draws lotsa Kaminari either ;---;

[pxtras-blog]

Oh well, in that case, we're definitely going to make a whole lot more versions of your OH SO LOVELY pictures just for you, to show them around and spread our unconditional love, lmao. And don't worry. Since we're you're 'biggest fan', we're definitely going to make sure we're not missing a thing on this blog. Everything's copied (theme code, posts, info etc etc.), saved, sreencapped and so on and forth. And we'll always keep tab on you, send you lovely messages and just hold the spirit up. ;)

actually i was on skype when you sent messages about “plagiarism” so :-/ theres definitely people who know. you try to say thats what im doing but youre literally stealing all the coding and graphics on my blog just to make some point that you arent even getting anywhere with. petra is a fictional character. shes fake. and youre going around to petra blogs just harassing them over a fictional character like :-/ in mine and everyone elses book thats pretty pathetic tbh. youre convinced youre oh-so clever because you point out really stupid stuff to make fun of. its kind of really sad i almost feel bad for you??:-/

also your “plagiarism” comment is literally based off my theme background thats…. not even uncommon. everyone uses feathers for survey corps members because of the wings of freedom. the colors dont even matter my theme isnt permanent and i can change it to look however i want. but of course :-/ i OBVIOUSLY cant play petra who is a one-dimensional fictional character in a manga made by some other guy who isnt you. you spend all your time policing me but you never stop to think that you cant even dictate how people portray her. the only person who would know exactly how she is, is isayama because he created her. also, i dont understand why you think your theme has to be super intricate to be quality. it doesnt take much to make it look nice and aesthetically pleasing.

youre also taking my pictures and poorly editing them. your attempt to bother me is laughable because uhhhh attention is great???? theres also the fact that youll send repetitive messages but ah :-/ apparently me really liking a certain au ( like everyone else does lmao???? ) is bad and wanting to roleplay is constantly is bad. listen honey, i dont know what you know about the zombie sub genre, but i know that the boundaries for it are constantly being pushed and theres a million different ways it can be made interesting.

and why would i listen to you on my writing?? ive gotten plenty of compliments on my portrayal and actual constructive criticism that is helping me shape and mold this blog. you can do absolutely anything with petra. also, a lot of what i do with her is based on psychology and how the human mind will work in certain situations with im pretty well versed in. yet, somehow thats bad and i dont know how to make a one-dimensional character feel more human, right?? no, you have a neutral portrayal of her. you want her to be boring with no actual flaws. petra is a kind and caring woman, but shes also a human being susceptible to fear and hesitation. we never got to explore her flaws. we never got to know what she couldve really blossomed into because she died. thats the thing. her only purpose in the series was to develop levi and eren’s characters. she and the squad were only there for that. thats what makes it very obvious that we were never going to see more to her. it was predetermined that she wasnt going to get any further development.

you cant even tell me the compliments i got were fake either. like, you can try but theres evidence supporting against it because i never didnt anything to warrent it im pretty sure. but people have gone out of their way to kindly tell me that they liked how i wrote this and how i write petra. thats what keeps me going. thats why im still on this blog because people appreciate how i run things on here. you arent going go push me off this blog. ive been harassed a few times before and even by people i knew. people who were once my friends but i dropped because they were a terrible person. you dont even know who i am. you dont talk to me and you dont write with me. but you probably follow me lets me real. you also were most likely more than one person which makes it even more pathetic that you guys bother to go around and harass petras off their own blogs.

look, honey, its the internet. its tumblr dot com. youre taking all this way too seriously. youve apparently been around for years which is….really sad, but alright. anyways, my point is that youre taking this way too seriously. you cant even say you arent because youre making multiple blogs and editing my pictures and stealing my graphics just to try and bother me because you dont like how i portray her. why does it even matter to you?? why would any of it matter?? she was never properly developed and shes seriously bland in actual canon. thats because her only purpose was to bring forth further development in levi and eren. its pretty obvious thats what it was.

listen my wonderful and amazingly dedicated fan, youre harassing someone who has already been through harassment and who has seen a lot of shit on tumblr. i already know this is just the internet. why do you think i wasnt even actually taking you seriously?? because youre behind a computer screen staying anonymous and youre attempting to harass some girl off her blog because you dont like how she portrays a really underdeveloped character. a character that people can write how they want because it makes it much more interesting. all the points youve made are so invalid and its because youre desperate to find something thats actually terrible. not everyones gonna like how i write petra and ive accepted that but the positive feed back is all i need to keep going and to remember that theres people on here who care about me and my petra. you dont have to like it. i dont care if you dont like it. shes a fictional character. shes not at all real.

hell, there are people on here to tweak their characters because their canon counterparts arent very likable. they saw the potential a character could have and want to bring that forth in their portrayal, their interpretation. thats really fuckin’ cool because thats bold and thats something barely ever done. i admire them for doing something like that.

youre a lovely fan. youre beautiful and youre determined. you have pushed through all these petra blogs, but youre wasting your time babe. its tumblr. its the internet. petra was pretty bland in canon because her purpose wasnt to be developed and i can admit that. theres little things in the manga that we saw that could help us see who she really was, but we wont ever get the big picture. shes not your character sweetie. you didnt create her. isayama did and hes the only one who can truly tell us how she is. its clear you probably dont know a lot about psychology, but a lot of her flaws that i set for her are based on the negative and positive symptoms. ( in case you didnt know, negative and positive mean something kinda different in psychology lmao ) im not a psychology major, but i am pretty good portrayals of mental illness especially ones that i do have.

basically, i run my blog. you dont. youre irrelevant. im the one getting the interactions. you can say what you want about it, but i know its a lie and youre just being petty. :-/ its better to just give up because theres nothing to even accomplish here.

im going back to ignoring you though ;-) because im respectful and dont wanna flood everyones feed with your garbage.

i love you my biggest fanxoxo