#so im posting again to get the interest goin

[buttercupart]

@scientistredacted @valmun

level 99 cataclysmic nostalgia event dropping in 3, 2, 1

[jazzically]

magp 8

ugggh even though im listening for it i dont always notice norris slipping into human voice till ex post facto it's completely seamless which is just AGAIN ITS SO SO COOL I ADORE THIS IDEA

OOH MY GOSH ABANDONED SPACE NEEDLE?!?!?!?!?

brilliant. fabulous lovely fantastic. i havent written much bc ive been concentrating too hard on understanding the academic paper lol but it's sooo goood i love this

hell yeah metaphorical hunger and spooky parking lots

UGH OK SORRY (im only apologizing to myself bc i keep pausing per every 10 seconds audio) but like another reason this episode is gorgeous is that even throughout the description of the experience, the author maintains a mostly academic tone and references the original purpose of telling the story when appropriate. in short, this new format — and every such new medium of storytelling brought to the series through each episode — is not some flimsy shell covering up a spooky statement, some excuse to tell the tale that needs to be conveyed. this case actually sounds like a scholar's genuine description of the events that led him to begin a scientific study and OOOGH THATS!!!! MARVELOUS

k back to listeni Oh another thing — alex does really well with controlling the amount of subtle pauses and inflections in speech (decreasing their frequency when robotic, increasing their frequency when speaking as a human)

OOOOH IS THIS ONE A CALLBACK TO MAG 48: LOST IN THE CROWD MAYHAPS..... (i love that episode did you know i love that episode)

with the matching clothes and eVERYthing god

ykw i see it now. valid. the stranger. as far as im concerned theres still a case for the lonely so these two are giving more of like a mashup of both i think

AUGH im doing it again. stop trying to categorize!!!!!

THIS IS ACTUALLY SO SCARY WTF

i dunno i just really like that at the beginning alice assigns these names to the computer's various voices and we just start calling them that. it feels so natural, like another office shtick, that you forget we don't actually know their names

oh wait he actually did lose his finger!!!? whoa

god i just love alice

alice's and gwen's personalities are very interesting

aw man i miss teddy dude. he seemed like a great guy. i didn't quite register fully that bro was leaving (although now that i can sort of see the larger structure of the story unfolding, i understand the setting up of plot in ep 1 better. it feels cool to think about)

geez this is a long one

FOLY HUCK

GIGI???????

HOLY CHRISTHUBIJOGSIEIHS ITS ACTUALLY GERRY I MISSED YOU GERRY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

ok so is this an actual alternate universe??? or did this just happen before gerry died ???????? huh???????? then how do they have jonny's and martin's voices on some random old computers????? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO screams and fixates and yells

GERTRUDE YAAAAASSSSSSSSS i hope she gets to cackle i really really do

ok wait this can't possibly be in the past because the ep about the voyeur blog post movie thing had entries from like 2022 iirc

HUH

oh yea i nearly forgot gerry paints!!!

This is so fricking funny i bet gerry keeps calling gertrude "gigi" just to annoy her

WAIT is he actually her grandson?? was that mentioned in the original series ???

gertrude answer the question

AWW GERRYS HAPPY he sounds so joyful and it makes me wanna cry he was so cool and awesome and deserved better in tma

TELEPORTATION??? HELLO?

OMG CELIA WAS ON WTG THE WORLDBUILDING GOES CRAZY

wHEW ok that was a long (and amazing) one. lot of HMMMs goin on in my head rn. EEEEE

[shads-shipposts]

I love how 2025 decided to welcome me by smacking me with the first case of the flu I've ever had. But that ain't gonna stop me (even if it's annoying the piss outta me).

We're back with Allan and co, who are also gifted a headache in the form of Shadow. This will be the last "slow" chapter for a few, as things get very chaotic very quick in chapter 3.

Thanks again for reading! As always, comments and reblogs are much appreciated. Also, woe to me for forgetting, but a big thanks to @showtimeatfreddys for being the beta reader for this fic. Y'all can thank them for act 1 going from 10 to 20 chapters, as they pointed out problem areas and plot holes so I could fix them before posting <3

Beginning: Here Previous: Here Next: Here Ao3 Version: Here

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Allan groaned, dragging a hand down his face.

He already had enough to deal with that morning, then the boss just had to come by and talk to him as if he were a child. Telling him things he already knew and warning him about the consequences for failure... which he also already knew.

How stupid did he really think Allan to be?

Did he really believe that Allan managed to gain control of the ship and crew by being an idiot?

He knew that damn FBI agent was trouble, and he knew not to give him any reason to come snooping aboard the ship. As for the warnings about keeping an eye on his crew lest one get cold feet, nearly all were too loyal to Allan to betray him and those who weren't as steadfast knew what fate awaited them if they stepped out of line and tried to play hero.

Tom slipped back inside the dayroom, sympathy knitting his brow. "You alright?"

"Don't know who that peacock thinks I am," Allan grumbled.

"What'd he say?"

"Oh, the usual." Allan leaned back on the couch, letting his head rest against the wall as he closed his eyes. "Keep an eye out for the agent, keep an eye on the crew, and don't forget I'm owned body and soul and should I think about double crossin' him he'll see to it I spend the rest of my miserable days rottin' in a cell."

Tom groaned. "Ugh, I really hate that man."

Allan pinched the bridge of his nose. "I really hope he finds that wretched model ship he's goin' on about so we can get the hell out of here tonight."

"What's a model ship got to do with treasure anyway?"

"He thinks it will have a scroll, just like his does, and he can match them together."

"If he's wrong?"

"Either way, we're gettin' paid. One just has a bigger payday at the end." Allan shook his head. "For once, I'd like whoever takes over this rust-bucket to be normal. Is that too much to ask?"

"Might be."

Allan looked at the door as a new voice sounded. John Bailey stood just outside, a weird look on his face.

Allan groaned. "What is it now, Johnny?"

"May want to come see this," Johnny said, gesturing down the hall with a thumb. "We have a visitor. An American."

"Fuck me," Allan snapped, rolling his eyes. "That agent's back?"

"Not... exactly."

Allan exchanged a glance with Tom, curiosity creeping over the anger. "Interpol?"

"I honestly have no idea. He's a pretty lousy undercover agent if so."

Interest piqued, Allan pushed himself to his feet and settled his cap back on his head. "Show me."

The moment he stepped into the doorway of the lower gangplank, the hair caught Allan's eye. A dark reddish-purple, falling just to the top of broad shoulders on an otherwise fairly small frame. At least, small compared to the men moving around on the docks. He, or she, looked so out of place it was almost hilarious, sitting cross legged atop a crate scribbling furiously in a sketchbook.

"That's 'im," Johnny said. "Told 'im to sit there to sketch."

"He's certainly focused on it," Allan replied, keeping his eyes on the kid. He could see them, but they couldn't easily see him unless they looked hard. Considering how fervently they focused on sketching, he doubted they even knew they were being watched.

The odd sight of someone sketching wasn't exactly concerning, but the fact they frequently looked at the Karaboudjan was.

Surely, they couldn't be a reporter or journalist. Even from this distance, Allan wouldn't put them over twenty. Maybe over eighteen. Softer features didn't exactly help discern their age, or even their gender.

Then again, that ginger nuisance Allan and his men ran across near Egypt also didn't look like a journalist but had caused a world of hurt for Allan's operations. Looks could be incredibly deceiving.

"He say why he was around?"

"Apparently likes cargo ships and wanted to sketch one."

"That's it?"

"I came to get you soon as I could, so didn't really chat too long."

Allan grunted in acknowledgment, studying the kid's face as they looked up to get another reference of the ship. Just androgynous enough to fool someone at a first glance, Allan found himself leaning towards a woman. Late teens, not super exposed to hard labor outdoors judging by the lighter skin. But no stranger to physical activity, as while her arms weren't overly muscular they still had a definition to them found not through time in the gym but through a physically demanding sport. Coupled with her brazen trip to the docks by herself, signaling self assurance in her ability to defend herself, Allan would wager she had some form of martial arts under her belt.

Someone not to overestimate...

Wait.

Allan squinted, risking a step closer.

He couldn't be sure from this distance, but the kid almost looked... familiar? The features, the build, the length of the hair...

Maybe...

No.

Surely not.

His dream that morning was making him paranoid, that was all. It was embarrassing really, that a simple nightmare had him so rattled he saw Scarlett's face everywhere now.

Yet his eyes remained trained on the kid.

Now that he'd realized the similarities, Allan felt like he stared at Scarlett's doppelgänger minus the less than human attributes.

Whoever this kid was, he couldn't let her walk away without a few... harmless questions.

It was because of her clear fascination and focus on the ship, nothing more. He just needed... needed to keep an eye out. The FBI and Interpol could have spies everywhere.

It was purely business.

It wasn't personal.

It wasn't dire.

It wasn't Scarlett.

"Good work, Johnny," Allan murmured. "I'll handle it. As you were."

Johnny dipped his head to Allan and headed back inside, only to be replaced by another member of Allan's crew.

Brawny with broad shoulders and a long torso, Neil Irwin wiped some sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. "Mornin', boss."

Allan didn't look away from the American. "Mornin'."

"See somethin'?"

Allan dipped his head towards the kid. "We got a watcher."

"Yeah, she's been there since I started unloadin'."

Allan glanced at him. "Talk to 'er?"

Neil shook his head. "Didn't see a need to. She's outta the way, and is mindin' 'er business. Ain't botherin' no one."

Allan turned his attention back to the kid. "Right."

"Should I have?" Neil asked.

"Not sure yet," Allan replied slowly.

And he hated that he wasn't. Uncertainty could put you at risk to be blindsided, and blindsides were a death sentence in Allan's line of work. Especially right now.

"Nice hair, though," Neil commented with a small laugh. "Reminds me of my sister, she always liked dyein' 'er hair fancy colors."

Tom tilted his head as he watched her scribble. "Purple, though? Bit anachronistic, don't ya think?"

Neil glanced at Tom and elbowed him with a sly grin. "Didn't think you could manage big words like that, Tommy."

Tom glared at him, clearly fighting down a smile of his own. "Piss off," he growled, shoving Neil.

"Stow it," Allan snapped as the pair started going for headlocks and rib shots.

"What's wrong?" Tom asked, smacking Neil's hat off in one last blow.

Tom, you well-meaning but unobservant idiot.

"Look at 'er face."

Tom gave him an odd look, but peered across the docks. "Is there... somethin' I'm lookin' for?"

Fuck's sake.

"She doesn't remind you of Scarlett?"

Tom's eyes widened. "Oh... shit, yeah. I see it now," he murmured.

"Wait," Neil exclaimed. "Scarlett was real?!"

Allan smacked his arm. "Keep your voice down!"

Neil winced. "Sorry. Just... I thought she was just a drunken ramblin'."

"How'd you hear of her?"

Neil rubbed the back of his neck. "Er, Harry. Got pissed one night and went on and on about this alien sheila with a bloody tail of all things."

"Oh, she had more than a tail," Allan muttered, not at all surprised that Harry Hobbs was the one to tell Neil.

Allan only allowed him to drink on the ship, away from outsiders, because it was a very risky gamble what would come out of his mouth. Could be professions of love to the crew, could be a challenge to the mermaid figurehead in the card room, or it could be details about his rather adventurous port endeavors that no one wanted to hear.

"He mentioned shapeshiftin' and ice powers, too, but I didn't believe 'im since he's said crazier things." Neil shook his head in disbelief. "But you're sayin' she's real? Not some drunken hallucination Harry saw?"

"Either she was real, or the entire ship had mass psychosis."

Neil looked over at the kid again. "Damn... aliens are real," he rasped, then looked up. "She come from space? How the hell she end up on the ship?"

Allan wished he knew the answer to the first question. At one time, he felt like he did. He was fairly certain Alphians weren't on Earth through technological means, what little information he could recall about their history pointing to migration through magical portals.

But at least he could answer the second.

"We were taken over by a group of mercs, who first employed our help to hunt down one of their fugitives. Turns out they didn't play fair, and ordered us to stop at a small-town pier in the middle of nowhere near the coast of Virginia in the states. More and more mercs joined them, and it really looked like they planned to off us."

"Sounds bleak."

"It was. Then Scarlett showed up. She had two allies with 'er, but one joined the mercs and the other was killed by 'em to try and threaten Scarlett. She didn't take kindly to it, and came to me to ask permission to kill the merc who killed her friend."

"An alien with supernatural powers asked permission?"

"She feared me, apparently." Allan then snorted. "Not enough to not knock me out and go after the merc when I said no."

"What happened after that?"

"That's just it," Allan grumbled. "Everything goes fuzzy after that. Only one man has any more memory of Scarlett after me."

"Who?"

"Me," Tom said. "I saw 'er leave the ship and went after 'er, but one of the mercs found me." He ran his fingers over the jagged scar on his cheek. "Almost did me in, but Scarlett saved me. She got 'urt in the process, though. Tried gettin' 'er back to the ship, but... it all goes fuzzy for me too."

"Let me... get this straight," Neil said slowly. "The ship was taken over by mercs, you had the luck of comin' across a supernatural alien who initially helped but turned against you, then the memory of 'er just... ends. No leads, nothin'?"

"She didn't betray us!" Tom protested. "She just... went against Allan's orders. She was pretty bent on revenge for her friend's death."

"But you haven't been able to track 'er down since then?"

"I haven't been able to track down information on her damn species, let alone Scarlett herself," Allan grumbled.

"She kinda just vanished without a trace," Tom added. "We're still not exactly sure what all happened those few days she was 'round 'ere."

"And you think the sketcher is her?"

Allan shook his head. "Not a chance. Scarlett had some... unmistakable traits. But this kid looks very similar otherwise."

"No offense, boss," Neil said slowly. "But is that the only reason you're so fixated on this kid? A similar appearance?"

"Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot," Allan growled.

"I'm not," Neil said, unshaken by the anger in Allan's tone. "But it still sounds like some fever dream."

"I'm not the only one who remembers 'er, Neil."

"It's strange, I won't lie," Neil said. "And I'm certainly not sayin' it didn't happen." He looked towards the kid again. "But I draw the line at goin' after people who are mindin' their business."

He had a point, Allan had to admit. While Allan didn't look down on collateral damage for the same reason Neil did, he still didn't care for it. Collateral damage could get the wrong people involved, people who otherwise would have been content to look the other way until they were personally affected.

This kid, whoever she was, most likely wasn't any sort of undercover rat. Undercover agents sought to blend in, lay low, and stay on the outskirts. The big guns would be brazen and demand to inspect the ship, bringing a large force with them. She was... somewhere in the middle. Not challenging anyone, but not hiding either.

She clearly didn't know anything of the illegal dealings carried out on the ship.

Getting this kid involved could horribly backfire on Allan and his men, and the last thing they needed at the moment was more heat.

Maybe it was better to just leave her be. He should be focusing on the current job, not living in the past chasing ghosts.

Making a scene would only land him in hot water with more entities than he cared to take on at once.

"Oh, almost forgot," Johnny said, joining them again. "Got a name from 'im."

"Her," Tom corrected.

"Her?" Johnny echoed. "You sure?"

"No," Allan said before Tom could reply. "What was the name?"

"Shadow."

Allan's heart damn near stopped, his eyes flying wide as he looked at Tom.

No way. There was absolutely no way this was just a coincidence.

The dream, the Alphian on the docks, the kid's appearance, her interest in the Karaboudjan, her fucking name even...

This kid had a connection to Scarlett. Allan wouldn't even entertain the idea she did not any more.

The only question was how.

"What?" Neil said. "Why's that matter?"

"Shadow... was the name Scarlett first used," Tom croaked. "When she was tryin' to conceal 'er identity."

"That does it," Allan said. "I'm havin' a talk with that kid."

Tom looked at him, somewhat alarmed. "What if she bolts?" He gestured to the both of them. "We're not exactly the most friendly lookin'. Al, we can't risk that."

"Good point," Allan muttered, then turned to Neil. "Go try and talk to 'er."

Neil wasn't exactly any less physically imposing than Allan or Tom, but him alone may not be as threatening.

Neil looked less than thrilled with the order. "Just talkin', right?"

"Not gettin' cold feet, are you?" Allan asked, tone low.

Neil stood his ground. "No. I know what I signed up for, though, and one of the rules was no women or kids."

Allan knew damn well what the rules were; he implemented them himself.

"Bloody hell, we're not hurtin' 'er," Allan retorted. "All I need you to do is keep 'er distracted so we can get close. If she likes cargo ships like she said, she shouldn't mind talkin' to a man who works on one. No threats, just talk to 'er."

"And if she runs?"

It pained Allan, but he said, "Let 'er. Do not make a scene."

"Not... gonna do anythin' to 'er, right boss?" Neil asked, a new hardness to his tone.

"No, she's not in any danger. How many times do I need to say that?" Allan demanded, straining to keep his volume low so he didn't alert Shadow. "I just have questions for 'er."

Neil still didn't seem convinced.

"Just go," Allan ordered.

Neil hesitated, then headed for Shadow.

As Neil left, Allan turned to Tom. "Alert the boys. Get 'em to block the exits, but discreetly. Wait for my word, this could be nothin'."

"Thought we weren't makin' a scene?"

"That's why we block the kid's escape. Once she's surrounded, I can control the situation better."

"What if she notices and runs before they can close in?"

"If there's a gap, let 'er through. But once the circle closes, don't let 'er out.

Tom nodded and left to carry out the order.

Allan turned back to watch the kid, eyes narrowed.

Nothing personal.

I need answers.

And you're not goin' anywhere until I get them.

[ya-boi-ferals]

Was able to create these redesigns while we had nothin to do in classes. Im tryin to slowly make myself fall in love with art again and my hyperfixation on mlp redesigns are helpin me do that >:'] ...and oh boi this is gon be a long post feel free to read my rewrites ehe

I had so much fun through the whole process for this one! (Tbh the mane 5 becomin more like semi ocs now) For my version, Pipp is more of an actress/performer who does multiple side gigs and hobbies. Shes basically the city's "angelic sweet girl" since shes known for playing a soft and whimsical persona, often doing her iconic closed in ears and faded voice to give a more innocent look for the public. Her attitude is no different in private but she forces herself to stay too positive even when shes in need of relieving some strong emotions. Im not a fan of Pipp being a stereotypical phone addict in the show so I instead headcannoned her as neurodivergent and needing a distraction everytime or else she gets all panicky when shes doesnt have anything to do, she tends to overshare info, forgets to rest, known to take other's spotlight away and dissociate a lot (especially when reading fan comments) Shes disabled and uses formed cloud wings designed by her sister.

As for her redesign, I made her mane to be more stylish as a way to show her expertise on hairstylin. Her tail and tiara is rose shaped to go with her last name "Petals". And her colour pallete is brownish purple and powdered pink to give her character a more softer feel.

Lmaoo I have a lot to say- Anyways heres an old piece i made for zipp Im still confused how to draw her hair patterns...

In my ver. Zipp is well known for bein hardworkin and intelligent. Shes not ready to be queen and often "slacks off" with her main royal duties but she organizes and fixes problems happening outside the castle by talking to the staffs. Shes extremely curious and learns a lot of random detailed infos since she was young which ended up makin her become great at managing situations happening in and out the city, which is why her mother is so persistent on makin her the next queen. Zipp is a solutionist and researcher but she only focuses on what catches her interest before goin on the to next. (Ngl all the mane 5 are neurodivergent to me) Because of how determined she is on those interest, shes made several secret places to avoid just doin main work. Her fav studies are chemistry, physics, cosmology, ecology and aeronautics. Shes mysterious to the public eye but her friends know that shes just a bundle of hyperactive mess once she starts discovering smth new. I assume og Zipp is secretly non-binary coded but for my version, shes a transmare and everypony already knows and accepts it.

I gave her a more light pink and blue green mane colour. Her bangs are like sherlock holmes' as to pay homage for zipp bein a detective in the series along with some side braids. I also gave her twilight freckles and tired,soft looking eyes (not only cuz shes a workaholic like Pipp but its also cuz of genetics)

Aight, I was never really a fan for givin the mane cast just one element and the fact that G5 series havent showed any mentions of it just made it seem unimportant. Soo I instead gave them multiple elements that the mane 5 will develop as their journey goes on. Pipp will be the element of Strength, Purity, Assurance, Control, Pride, Value, etc. While Zipp is the element of Curiosity, Determination, Potential, Wonderment, Eagerness, Persistence, etc. (I imagine if twilight would have ever come back from the dead she would most likely write down what their elements would be as she observes the mane 5)

[yourleastfavoriteguyinthechairr]

guess who watched the from s2 finale? me, and i’ve got some shit to say (spoilers ahead))

reactions:

(warning: spoilers + cursing + super long post (summary at the bottom))

——————————

-alright let’s go, boyd wyd just standing there

-

-why are you looking for randall’s body- like- what’s the point in that

-jUMPSCaRE oh sHIT HES ALIVE

-oh fUCk julie’s screaming now

-oh shit it’s gonna be marielle next

-SHIT I WAS RIGHT

-

-boyd why are you back in that place

-oh fuck she hearing the music??? oh shit is something bad abt to happen??

-screaming?? OH JULIE AND RANDALL AND MARIELLE

-yo her nose gon bleed??

-WHATS HURTING THEM SARA WE MUST KNOW

-language kenny

-NEEDS THEM FOR WHaaT

-oh fuck boyd brought it that’s not good for his conscience

-too late for whAt??

-

-tabitha. tabby. the tower is nOt the answer. don’t please don’t

-

-reggie that smile fake af you better not do something dumb

-FUCK YEA MARRIGE

-

-jade what are you doin- *gets jumpscared by jade smashing the glass* oh ok

-oh it’s the bartender dude

-jade having the same shit as boyd w/ khatri?? (rip my dude)

-interesting method

-nO NOT THE TUNNELS

-

-awh no don’t be upset boyd :(

-

-reggie. oh shit. this can’t go well

-fUCKING SHIT YOU JUST WH-- REGGIE YOU ARENT RANDALL

-oh fuck who’s he gonna shoot

-

-jade you brave dumbass

-alright who else thinks that string gonna get cut or some shit

-oh fuck don’t lose your flashlight

-NOT THE FUCKING DOLL AGAIN

-

-boyd i understand your pain but i don’t think cursing out god is gonna help

-donna oh my gOD what an icebreaker

-

-awh no poor kristi :(

-

-boyd!!! it’s marrige!! don’t miss the marrige!!

-

-oh fuck jade

-what the fuck those kids saying anyway?? ahncewy?? encehwy??

-oh yay it’s another vision

-

-yo vic them trees move again??? oh hey clinking--

-OH MY GOD VICTOR GIVING TABBY THE SNACKS I CaNT

-THIS SWEET TRAUMATIZED OLD MAN LOOK AT HIM OH MY GOD HE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER

-aaand now he’s alone

-

-*gasp* YAY MARRIAGE

-oh my god ellis you’re so fucking adorable

-a literal golden retriever

-boyd istg if you don’t show up to your sons wedding imma hurt you

-YAYY HES HERE

-AWWW HES GONNA WALK HER LOOK AT THIS IM GOING TO DIE

-*is just dying of fluff overload the entire time*

-uhhh boyd you good

-

-oh fuck

-REGGIE DONT YOU DaRE

-FUCK

-FUCK

-oh he’s dead. go boyd

-BOYD YOU FUCKING IDIOT YOU GOT SHOT AND YOU STILL GOIN THERE??? BOYD. BOYD YOU NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION BOYD-

-oh fuck we back here

-yo that old man still there??

-OH SHIT ITS JULIE AND MARIELLE AN RANDALL

-wait hol up- does that mean the same thing happening to jul/elle/randy happened to the old man???

-SMASH THE MUSIC BOX S M A S H I T

-FUCK ITS YOUR DEAD WIFE

-fuck don’t listen to her

-FUCK she makes a good point

-FUCK SHE COULD BE LYING

-GOOD ON YOU BOYD SMASH THE FUCKING BOX

-THEY LIVE THANK THE FUCKING GODS

-oh wait oh shit what abt tabby don’t you dARE HURT HER-

-nah man am i the only one concerned abt randall being left alone shit didn’t go well last time

-p l e a s e jim where is your wife

-the buzzing oh shit i knew something was off

-…quiet before the storm???

-

-TABBY FINALLY

-my fibromyalgia could not handle those stairs mmMm

-those damn children’s voices

-how that shit even turning smh

-oh we going up

-those windows don’t look safe tabby

-what a beautiful view

-OH THERES A KID

-biw (boy-in-white) wdym- oh don’t you dare- OH FUCK TABBY OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK

-DONT YOU DARE END THERE

-oh my god she’s in a hospital room

-wait what

-oh fuck don’t tell me she was in a coma and it was all her imagination

-wait no that wouldn’t track

-wait

-oh fuck

-don’t tell me it kicked her out and left her family in there

-don’t do this to me or her

-OH FUCK OH SHIT

-OH MY GOD

-*incoherent sobbing*

-

-

-

as a summarization: what the fuck

[thewandererh]

[officially stepping back from this game for myself. every day we make mental progress!]

has mouthwashing ever made ya’ll uncomfortable? how did you enjoy it?

this post elaborates on my conflicted relationship with the game. with the recognizing of needs now, this serves as a ‘write-it-out’ exercise so i can better understand my feelings. i am no longer looking for advice.

.-. .-. .-.

i just binged mouthwashing tiktok comps after not interacting with the fandom in a few months. earlier i made a post saying i’m not in the fandom anymore because the content deeply disturbed me, but the interest never went away. i’ve been thinking about this game for months, even to the point of having two dreams including curly (my beloved) doing silly random stuff. those dreams were positive experiences i woke up not disturbed by. and that got me thinking deeper…

when i originally got into mouthwashing, i was recommended by a friend (hello lala <3). i watched a playthrough because i was tired of exploring new games through analysis vids/memes and getting stuff spoiled non-linearly. discovering it with another person (manlybadasshero specifically) felt friendly. however. i was not prepared o-o”. i couldn’t cope with the topic matter as well as i do today (i think i’ve grown? since i returned), and outright rejected the game. full on feeling terrible for days. how could so many serious topics be integrated into one game? topics that at the time made me squirm.

then, somehow, i came back to it within the next week as an escape from heavy school stress. it was new and interesting after all, and the story in my head wasn’t finished. i felt drawn. wary of the anxiety i felt, but interested. that’s when i went rabid over tiktok comps and tumblr reblogging (as some of you may remember…heh). i even made a curly spotify playlist. i never finished the playthrough because the atmosphere the gameplay layered on was too bleak for my mental, so i learned of the story through tiktoks. there was…a lot more that scared me than i’d thought. i enjoyed the content, but recoiled again. i deleted my mouthwashing posts and Spotify playlist, and, regrettably, physically threw out my art :[. in hindsight, me getting back into the game wasn’t self sabotage. i’ve been genuinley interested since.

it’s been…2 months? i came back to the fandom today with more tiktok comps, and had a really fun time stimming out and enjoying the art and edits! it’s been years since i’ve gotten behind something like this and i miss it a lot. i feel less disturbed now, knowing the content, but there’s still something there. some anxiety toward these topics. i’m still growing, and i’ll be fine, but i’m curious.

these tiktoks i watched this time round felt less heavy than the binge months before it since i know what’s goin on. everyone feels the same ‘oh god what happened to you you deserve love and comfort’ toward the characters (who deserve it). that makes me smile :]. everyone’s searching for relief, but are deeply interested and analyze too. that’s literally me. i love fandoms with characters like that, so it’s no wonder i come back. mouthwashing is tragic and gruesome and hopeless and terrible and extremely well made and told. i admire it so much.

i’m just wondering why my previous experiences have been so jumbled. if you’ve gone through simular, please let me know!

TLDR : goddAMN mouthwashing’s dark. i discovered this game blind through a playthrough vid, couldn’t finish it, came back days later because it drew me in, watched tiktok comps and learned the full story, recoiled again, deleted art (in turn, joy :[), kept away but thought about it for months, and returned today. i know the content now so it scares less i think, but im still amxious. anyone else feel me?

UPDATE: officially stepping back. the joy i get from this game doesn’t outweigh the disturbance i feel. it may have even become toxic :[. it’s been interesting, and i’ve learned a lot, but i’m not up for the bleakness and topics of this game. i’m so glad ya’ll enjoy it, and i’m rooting for you ^^!! enjoy what you love! it’s just not for me. this is all a little sad bc it defined this time in my life and i’m loosing something, but that’s ok. have a great week, game appreciators and viewers alike :]💛

[biohazard-inevitable]

So like, wanted to make a lil post about my general orientation cause I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, cause like, okay, so I use the labels “queer” because other labels like asexual and demisexual sort of feel right in the way that yeah a worn left shoe still fits on your right foot and you can walk on it, but its not entirely a perfect fit.

So like, i have sexual urges and some sexual attraction to fictional cjaracters, but I have MORE of a sexual attraction to individual kinks and fetishes and the one that gets me goin the BEST is entirely physically impossible. Out of both of my partners I dont think I could ever visualize having sex with either of them, no matter how close our romantic bond is. Its just not something I think i’d be interested in, but also sometimes I wish I did have someone I was interested in like that, but I’m pretty sure i’d never find them. I dont really find human faces attractive??? If that makes sense?? I mean sometimes I definitely get gender envy from faces, but like, when it comes to sex i only sometimes find genitals themselves sexy, but im not really sexually attracted to the rest of the body unless it’s fictional (often times 2D). I find myself most sexually attracted to the idea of *sensations* like the *feeling* of being pinned down or being constricted rather than the actual physical body? If that makes any amount of sense, so I dont think i’d ever find another real human being sexually attractive.

Now, as for romantic orientation, i’ve settled on demiromantic for now cause i dont feel comfortable dating someone if I havent known them for at least a *little bit* first, so like- awkward first dates with someone you met online just are NOT it for me. I cannot imagine gettting into a relationship with someone I barely know. Now of course i am in a poly relationship with 2 lovely partners, and my feelings towards that are admittedly complicated. Thats not to say i dont LOVE them, I do! Its just that as I see how the world around me feels and describes “Love”, I realize I dont feel it the same.

For me, Love is a choice. I chose to love my partners. They are lovely people who make me laugh and smile and feel like a warm summer’s day, but i chose to fall in love with them. It wasnt some “oh i simply cant control my love I must be together with you!” It was a very firm, I care for this person more than i care for my family, I love them and they almsot are family to me. I chose to love them. I choose to be in a relationship with them, and they love me back. And admittedly, I feel guilty because I’m worried my type of love may not sound like real or genuine Love, when to me, it is!

Its the kind of love thats almost platonic, but I chose to say it is romantic, because I want to do inherently societally romantic things with them! So, i love them romantically!

But lets say if either wanted to break up with me for whatever reason, sure, I’d maybe be a little sad, but i dont know if i’d be truly devastated? Like, if they decide not to label our relationship as romantic and wish to become platonic, i think that’d be okay. They’re still in my life, and i still care about them the same amount! I dont think it would change anything if we continued to be friends! We just wouldnt do as romantic things, but I dont feel the dynamic would change much at all except that our “dates” would become playonic and we probably wouldnt kiss (not that i kiss much to begin with cause of *trauma*)

But if they wanted to end the friendship *entirely*???? Then i’d be upset for WEEKS. MONTHS maybe even! *years* knowing my track record. If they never wanted to talk to me again i think I might explode. Honestly i’m more worried about THAT happening than a breakup.

Its a messy, complicated thing, and honestly it may lean more toward aro than demi, but yeah. Thats my feelings!!! They’re… weird.

[vrsmnya]

I feel you on the whole “taking a break from drawing httyd by drawing httyd.” Like, I just cannot get enough of this franchise. I must write about it at all times.

I really love your art, btw! And oh! I’m curious: which fics did you read that you really enjoyed before joining tumblr?

RIGHT??? currently im working on 4 full pieces for a modern httyd AU, but im like itching to just draw httyd at the same time even though. i am. drawing httyd...FLDKJGDLKHJ

ooOHHhh, im so happy someone's asking me about fics, because that's how i started out in this fandom and i love them so much

Hitchups by AvannaK is one of my favorite fics to ever exist, i swear they all like changed me as a person. hiccup runs away arc and he explores the world and has an epic magic destiny? SIGN ME TF UP

Coming Down is the Hardest Thing by Icka M Chif, GOD the story of this one hurts so good. runaway hiccup but it's post HTTYD3, astrid is offered up as a sacrifice to "the dragon master", hiccup has to come in contact with his father again RHHHGHHFDGN

familiar (but this time i've had some practise) by aloneintherain, GOOD HEARTED FLUFF UGHHHHH, time travel story where hiccup, snotlout, and astrid end up in their younger body selves to give predictions to the rest of berk, one of my top rereads

i also never finished Nightfall but the concept of that fic is SO interesting, like oh my lord feral hiccup? slay

i'm also reading through per4mancecheck's Figaro AU rn and it's AMAZING

i've also definitely read a ton of your fics! when i found out about the hiccup whump tag i spent like a whole day just goin through all the fics on that tag (i'm looking through my library on my phone and i have a few of ur fics! storm, you talk too much, like a doll, earthquake, etc all bangers)

theres like a hundred fics i havent even touched upon but LOVE httyd so much man

AAA im so excited to be able to talk about httyd fics so tysm for the ask!!

[minkkumaz]

the melon chart is over tiktok and twitter! im pretty sure if u search up “boynextdoor charting melon”. but on tiktok theres a translated version by @/sunghanbinna .. it was made 6 days ago and the view count is 441.2K, the cover video is sungho :))

the videos so cute <3

AND OO smau ideas,, for short lil smaus okag okay.

SO! (i sorta looked back on them all and they mostly seem like short fics instead of texting hcs.)

BONEDO

sungho: readers walking around the park when this random guy wouldnt stop tryna talk to them!! reader ends up telling sungho and he arrives SO fast. #iloveprotectivemen

riwoo: riwoo who sends pictures to s/o saying, “this reminded me of you :)”

jaehyun: reader finds a unnamed bouquet outside their front door, tells their bff jaehyun over text. (jaehyun pretends to be shocked, even though he sent the flowers). little does jaehyun know the reader has those doorbells that record cctv on what happens outside their house!

taesan: reader falls asleep on facetime so he texts the reader sweet words and just re-confesses his love all over again (hes WHIPPED!) before he also sleeps. (dw he’ll definitely stay on facetime!)

leehan: “leehan would you love me if i was a deadly fish virus..” (aka. would you love me if i was a worm)

woonhak: playing game pigeon with him! loser has to treat the other one to a icecream date >_<

all: bonedo boys as the readers bff, but each member has their own route(?) like for example, lets say the reader is crushing on woonhak so they tell jaehyun,leehan,sungho,taesan & riwoo abt it!!

reader: guys omg woonhak literally looked at me he wants me so bad.. 😭🙏🙏🙏

riwoo: ?

jaehyun: oh..! okay!! yeah 😅😅😅😅😅☠️😅

8TURN

myungho: hear me out on this. playing hard to get myungho, who acts uninterested whenever the reader texts him.. but recently hes been smiling a lot more on his phone whenever he sees the readers texts pop up on his notif bar!!

jaeyun: okay so, yk how when jaeyun replies to fans, his replies r just rlly funny?? IDK IF YKWIM cause i see him responding to fans and hes just so unserious LOL, but like one day sassy jaeyun and sassy reader sass eachother to no end and end up goin viral on social media for their cheeky interactions LMAO

minho: stop okay omg how about like before minho posts on twitter/instagram he asks the reader which photo they like the most >< I wanna compliment and hype him up so bad hes so GRGDHSJDJ

yoonsung: texting haemin as a joke about confessing to yoonsung with those omlette rice ketchup writings, but accidentally sending the text to yoonsung instead LMAO

haemin: his reaction when the reader buys him manchester city soccer tickets!! i wanna spoil him so bad TT

kyungmin: HIGHSCHOOL AU SNEAKING TEXTS IN BETWEEN CLASSES. theres a cellphone ban at school but he just cant resist!!

yungyu: honestly im 100% sure u have many brainrots of texting yungyu so its up to u!! but personally id love to see yungyu commenting under the readers latest insta post going like, “im better than ur bf” “give me a chance” even tho the readers already dating him. YK?

seungheon: during a 8turn concert, that the reader can’t unfortunately attend, they watch it live on like tv and the reader ends up texting seungheon during the whole performance and just gushing abt him, so like a few hours after the performance he checks his phone to see like 500+ msgs full of adoration and compliments. (he ends up getting teased by all the members hehehehehdiei)

OVERALL ANY OF THOSE IDEAS CAN BE FOR ANYONE!! when i imagine things i like to label a person on it so it can feel more real to me ><

-🍉

STOP BECAUSE WHY DO I ACTUALLY WANNA DO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE IDEAS HELLOOO fuck ur actgually so smart i'm sweating a little bit.

omg i don't even know what to respond with to all of these they're all so interesting AGHH AND THEY'RE SO FITTING

i must say i would absolutely CLEARRRRRRRRRR woonhaks ass on wordhunt like i'm genuinely the best wordhunt player known to man (debatable)

i also have to comment on the yoonsung one though THAT'S SO CUTE i lovelvoelovleioeol LOVE the trope of accidentally confessing to idols over text like i swear i eat those up for breakfast lunch and dinner, i probably will do something like that LMAOO

AND YES YUNGYU OMGAKJSHBFSKJHBF stop i just published some yungyu texts im probably gonna do an ot8 ver of slowly falling in love like i love that trope too its so ><

THANK U ANON IM IN TEARS THESE R SO ADORBALE

[almalvo]

STAR TREK: DISCOVERY | S1E2 "Battle at the Binary Stars"

[I will react to each episode individually and in full, raw reception and then post as is unrevised here onto my tumblr for the full span of every and all NuTrek episodes and series that have been and will be released. If this falls under your field of interest - I welcome your company in joining me. Enjoy the ride.] -------

god this show looks so fucking juicy with all its colours and shapes and resolution … BURNHAM IS SAREK'S WARD??????? bro bro is she a sibling in upbringing with spock or something. everyons so fucking pretty ugh these sounds i really want this uniform LMAO THAT LOOK SARU GIVES BURNHAM AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA saru is so good looking UGHH THIS INTRO I CANT I CANTTTT LOOK AT IT ITS SO PRETTYYY i love the feeling DISCO gives me im so happy for star trek getting such a massive visual and all around production upgrade also i just realised since old-trek's Star Trek Enterprise series, we have been inching closer and closer to the one that started it all. Star Trek ENTERPRISE > DISCOVERY > STRANGE NEW WORLDS…

does this… mean we are…. just possibly……… heading into a reprisal of some kind of "Origins" production in the future non-AOS?

if so i know it will never be a replacement of what is irreplacable. but im actually EXCITED to see something like that. if even it were to be a bad project, it would still be such a tickling spectacle - an experience that reminds us of where we came from.

but also.. to see what came before to be such a modern topic to discuss and potentially (i fucking wish) revive the world with its gravity and vision - all eyes on Star Trek once again……… it would be so worth it. it would be. everything.

anyways back to the episode LMAO UGHHH look at the way all the united federation ships warp in among their brethren ughhhhh ughhhhhhh takes my breath awaayy i like klingon whats odd is it sounds so slow in this rendition man the amount of work it took to get this pronunciation right ughhhh everything looks so pretty in this literally movie quality for a TREK series

no but also one more thing - back to the idea about the future of modern trek, since the movie saga has fallen flat, if we head into a modern revival of TOS, featuring AOS cast as a different universe/mirrorverse or seomthing cameo in TV/STREAMING EPISODIC FORMAT would be just… JUST-

...

i am so curious as to how and why burnham and sarek are even existing together simultaneously ugh damn look at the damage on the ship the detail i love saru's eyes hearing this as the ship's computer voice is so odd to me because im so used to Majel's voice but hey its smooth what is happening also oh my god this mind meld scene is so pretty oh my god im so curious how Burnham and Spock's dynamic even IS THE FUCKKK?? what would that even BE??? i only know spock exists because that is one of the few spoilers ive seen of this show - i KNOW hes in DISCO. as well as pike but thats it. what purpose they serve and why? no idea. and how burnham becomes captain?? god im so curious iits so intersting to hear statements as familiar as "weapons disabled" being said in such a new setting. with such a new sound for somehting so classic. tractor beam WHO WHOS EUROPA? WHATS ON THAT SHIP WHOOO

the human and klingon transmission will never be in peace… until far into TOS's timeline.. man this is so INTERESTING. HEARING KLINGON TERRAN. I CANT LIE i miss their fabulous long locks of hair bro klingon ship is fucking knifing through this ship dude that is so hardcore but also devastating af oh my god this antimatter explosion looks so fucking pretty admiral is gone the chian of command shifts how does this go phillipa doenst become admiral does she? then burnham as captain i doubt its this easy nah its so weird to hear klingon so spaced t'kuvma is such a cool name ughhhh lok at all the WARPPPING SHIPSSSS hearing klingon accent is cool love how smart the ship is oh god burnham you MADLAD yo they goin hard the klingon attire is so victorian english inspired not too keen on that ahha ughhh saru is sooo NICE TO LOOK AT such nice features this ready room is very reminiscent of what is to become enterprise internal design i mean, of course. but i just cant help but hype over it all thats interesting, to have a human taught as vulcan. hmm a subtly different circumstance than that of spock. the visual aberration effect is working well in this series ahaha DISCO has a very…. odd feeling from since its first episode that continues into its second one - it doesnt feel super episodic at all? it feels all like a really long montage. the sets are so pretty whoa those armoured vests though? touch screen energising ughh the gold animation of the energising effect is lovely those klingons dropped so fast and easy from those phasers dude these are some of the sexiest phaser designs ive ever seen. the klingons are just dropping like nothing whoa burnham's yell when the klingon grabbed her was so not her XD it didnt sound like her oh wow we are actually seeing the short handheld klingon knife OH SHIT well i see that this is how phllipa is usurped by burnham.. BRO YOU JUST LEFT HER BODY THERE hmmm interesting the pacing of the first two episodes is very… fast

t'kuvma is dead already?? i think its this pale klingon that ive seen on the comic cover whoaaaa all these shuttle/escape pods leaving like baby toads off momma's back XD (if you know, you know.) its so montagey very consistently - i guess THIS is where we start the series as it is to be? i really like this chiaroscuro lighting hm. its over already huh idk if its me - but apart from the visually and audially beautiful presentation - it has an odd feeling to it i cant lie. i think it must be because of this 2-episode montage. i hope it is.

i guess ill find out.

[raveneira]

I said this already on twitter but I might as well post my thoughts and feelings here too about the new chapter and my feelings towards the sequel as a whole now. Spoiler warning obviously.

Im still gonna wait for the official translation for potential added context but after that yea, Im probably standin by my initial statement that Im done with this sequel. If theres any redemption for it later on I might come back, but as of right now I have zero interest.

This isnt about me hating Kawaki now or disliking where the story is going, its HOW its going there thats the problem, good execution is crucial to good storytelling and this execution is ABYSMAL and has been ever since chapter 57 onwards.

For the record I dont hate Kawaki now, I hate what their doing with him, I hate how his character took a complete 180 for NO good reason, I hate his complete and utter character assassination, I hated this for all my fave characters thus far and he is no different.

I supported and still support Kawaki's mindset 100%, B0ruto NEEDS to die, period, they left him no choice but to do it himself since they wont. But I absolutely do not support or agree with how hes goin about it now because it is beyond OOC from how hes been up till now.

Yes ppl change, and yes we always knew he would become the villain, but not all in one fkin day with minimal to no build up to it. 3 chapters ago he despised and was disgusted by Ada and now hes holdin her hand and workin with her instantly and lying about Narutos status.

I get it, hes probably lyin because saying Naruto is dead instead of sealed will make ppl be more hostile towards B0ruto so they'd kill him for sure but still...him working with Ada of all ppl, someone he himself called scum THE EXACT SAME DAY is INSANELY bad writing.

I get it again, hes obviously manipulating her for whatever hes planning, but wtf does any of this have to do with him hating shinobi later? why would he blow up the village that according to this chapter HE'S STILL TRYING TO PROTECT? it doesnt, fking, add up.

So Im done with it, Im tired of the bullshit writing, the character assassination, the inconsistent story and characters, the lack of care for the OG series and this sequel overall, & the complete lack of focus or direction. Im just tired of it.

I'll still draw fanart and enjoy fandom content and make amvs etc because these are still my favorite characters, I still love them for who they were and are before bein butchered. But whats goin on now? I have no interest anymore. 

Anyone who sticks with this is better than me, I admire your tolerance.

[wasteland-stranger]

🥴 wassup Tumblr! I've spent the past few weeks trying to stop having mental breakdowns so I haven't worked on my long fic again just yet-

However 😏

I do have an idea for another fallout 4 fic I think would be really interesting (and depressing) to explore. So. (Spoilers ahead for FO4 for those who are just getting into everything bc of the show)

So! Sole survivor, specifically you the player as sole (though I will have a character in that place probably just bc I love making OC's)(that and with the direction I wanna take it- it's pretty self insert-y for me specifically so it'd probably be better to have an actual character 😅).... Anyway...

The Institute is gone. Destroyed three years ago by the sole survivor. (Longer than sole had been out of the vault)(They'd been out and destroyed the institute in maybe 8 months total). Pretty much the day after the Institute has been destroyed, Sole went missing. People in the Commonwealth were confused. Had this vault dweller existed in the first place? Was it all just a story? A cover-up of something bigger? Surely one person couldn't take down the Institute alone.

They didn't, but people were wary to accept the Railroad being real. And the Minutemen General was hard to meet anyway, so who could believe he was even real? Perhaps everyone had shared hallucinations of the whole thing? Surely it had been a group to take down the Institute, only saying it was one person to cover their backs from other enemies. Perhaps allies to the institute would come after them?

Some people, however, knew the truth. They had met Sole themselves. Some being saved by him before the Institute was gone. They would tell stories about this vault dweller. Tales of how much of a hero he truly was. Most truly believed he had died in the event. Some held out hope that he would come back some day.

That day came.

A little over 3 years after the Institute went up in smoke, a ragged man stood outside the entrance to Goodneighbor.

He stood. Patiently. Not necessarily waiting for someone - but waiting for something.

A moment.

The right moment.

The exact right moment for him to step foot through the entrance and back into the place he once held so dearly.

But he was scared.

Scared no one would know who he was anymore. It had been 3 years since he'd left, would anyone even care?

He had to know.

Had to right the wrongs he did by leaving.

Had to know his friends were safe.

And so he takes a deep breath-

And steps inside.

AHHHHH!!! OKAY!! SO IDEA OVER NOW! Im so excited I decided to post about this because I really love this idea so so much. It will be INCREDIBLY depressing, but I really love writing depressing and traumatic and just difficult issues in general. It's like I make a character and just think to myself "hmmm I have trauma, so now you do too!!" Like bruh 😫😐. I really be putting these mfs through some SHIT!!!

I'm not too far into the idea just yet, but if I decide to actually go anywhere with it I will keep y'all updated 😌.

And ofc I'll update on the long fic when I work on that too- which, btw, if anyone has actually read this far- if you know wtf is goin on with A03 pls feel free to lmk cos idk if I should post it there anymore or not 😭 that update I keep seeing people post about is highkey concerning to me lmao. (I haven't updated my app, or opened it at all actually, in quite a bit. I've read the update box thing but I'm also quite stupid so I don't really know how to feel about it lol. If someone could explain it to me in stupid person I would appreciate it /gen)

Anyway, thanks for being here!! 🫶🫶

[crazyalien87]

Fuuuck i hate everything sometimes

I have stuff to do e.g. drink wtaer but im stucking staringbat this website til i post what i wanna post.

Anyway here it is

Idk if im fucking trans or not bc i kinda want ti transition but i dont need to and i wont bc im a fucking coward. Also in 2020-2023 time frame there was other shit goin on basically i hated mysekf and therefore my face and voice and name but convinced myself it was gender dysphoria instead but it wasnt.

Also i uses to have fucking dysphoria of no dick but only after i started wesring fake dick?!?!? after i got straight bf i stopped wearing it and decided i was not trans. But something is off?? But like i still wanna call myself a woman bc that is my experience u know i am female. i havent transitioned or come out publicly or anything ok evetyone knows im a woman. but i cant call myself a fucking cis woman. idk man i just wanna be a buff woman with facial hair and a dick or better yet i wanna be a shapeshifter so if i date het guy or lesbian i will not have dick but if im with a bi person maybe i can have a dick. it is weird bc like i mainly want a dick for fucking women not for gender reasons. Before tho i felt i needed it to be seen as cool or something (sexism). (despite not wanting others to know about it, i just wanted like big dick energy but just dick energy).

So now idk. Bc Im a woman and im fine with most aspects of it. But there still be 2 male things i want: facial hair and a dick. But women can have facial hair. I just want it for style purposes. Not even for gender (?). Also the dick it is for sex so really i should just get a strapon. So like ???. I cant be like a year ago or something when i say my gender identiy is mix of male and female when i just wanna be female but with masculine style and (having) sex? Right??? Idkk bruhhh. Im just a woman who wants facial hair and a strrapon. So im cis? But why it doesnt feel right?! I mean i even have facial hair but barely any so i want more. Like if i used minoxidil to get more is that a transition? Am i an admasculine cis woman?!😭bruh.

Why cant i just be female/woman (sex) and then my gender identiy is like genderqueer woman or some shit. Bc i have fem and masc interests and traits and etc. Idk dude. But then i feel im bending to patriarchy if i have to give myself a separate kinda woman identity bc i want a mustache and i wear jeans. Like damn. But facial hair is male, right? it makes no fucking sense like why does testosterine even affect hair like why does beards and baldness help ur sperm or ur caveman hunting or some shit😭. Why cant we all just be mammals with hair and style it how we want?😭 Why is beard connected to balls😭Evolution is fucking stupid sometimes because damn😭

Idk feel like genderqueer woman is best maybe and just not state if im cis?!?!?! wtf idk man maybe i am cis. But then i cant relate to other women as much as i think i should sometiems and i get confused again😭I had a while friend grouo of sevral men from my computer science classes in uni is that not normal😭(sorry im just ranting rn this is so random)

Like genderqueer doesnt just mean nonbinary it can also mean gnc but like is me wanting to eff a woman with a dicklike strapon queer? straight in a gay way or gay in a straight way? But really i wanna be shapeshifter and only have dick when i have sexy gf who would like it and only when we gonna fuck so it is not gender thing but like??😭 Can a cis woman want that?! But i dont have woman gender identity tho, i dont have brain that needd to be female i just am. Like if i was born male would i still wanna be female??? Maybe?? But i wouldnt remove my dick and I'd be a trans woman with no bottom dysphoria but then ppl would say im not a real trans woman if i like my beard and dick so i would be nonbinary...Idk wtf is happening here😭. Unless i do want a dick all the time not in shapeshifter way but i know i dont need it and i dont want to ruin my chances of a relationship with a gynesexual person like how i almost ruined my relationship with my ex bf But if i want a dick in general (not just for sex) but I dont need it then im not trans right? But if i had it i wouldnt remove it so like...I wouldnt be a 100% binary trans woman if i was born male so i cant be a 100% binary cis woman?!😭

It sucks bc like some ppl say trans is only if u need to transition but some say want is enough. Some say it is only if u transition or not. I'd never get s fake dick surgery if I don't need it...But I would totally use minoxidil to grow facial hair if it werent for: 1. it is toxic to cats 2. What if ppl hate me for it (like those who affect me like family, friends, coworkers, or boss...) 3. What if it is hard to shave or there are pimples in the way or something (much lesser issue than the others but I might as well mention it). But purposefully giving myself more facial is not trans bc some women can grow full beard naturallly...right?! Is my gender 98% woman, 1% beard, and 1% dick?!?!?! or maybe 100% woman but also 1% mustache and 1% dick

But this is all assuming i should define my identity on what i want but that changes😭 ~3 years ago i wanted a somewhat maler face and voice like androgynohs at least but now i dont even care. But i was so sure of it when my mom asked me about it😭ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What if one day i grow a mustache but then realize i dont like it and shave it off??!?!?! That is normal for men and i wish i had that goddamn😡😭

Maybe im just a woman with hella masculine and feminine energy. Androgynous personality and vibes. What the hell am I on about?😭.

tl,dr: Im female and I like it but I want a mustache and a dick but I don't need those things so idm if it makes me not cis or not😭. Fuck why cant i just be a woman who wants some stuff?

[fallow-grove]

fallow pls commune with me more about gen loss i dont know anyone irl whos seen it

💖💖💖 entirely fair (i know at least 2 because most of my friends are post-dsmp teens)

ramble under cut!!

i wasn't there for the streams themselves but i watched the vods and immediately fixated on it but then switched to something else and havent spent much time thinking about it until i saw u reblogging genloss stuff and then i was like omg Them

im not the most on top of news cuz i only follow ranboo on tumblr but i think its interesting the stuff theyve said about how they think we'll understand what the different generations... are? ...when the next one is ready. like... again im not very in the loop so there might be more information available that i just havent seen, but do u think itll be the same/similar format, or is he goin for different shit each time? they mentioned they themself wouldn't be acting again, right?

i had no fucken idea frank was literally a dead body but i saw that in one of the posts u reblogged and im 👁️👄👁️

like... the weird thing is i never assumed frank wasnt a dead body, i just didn't think about it that hard because in cartoons and stuff its a given that oh yeah theres a skeleton in the dungeon / jail cell lolll someone gives it a name and has "conversations" with it and thats just a funny quirky running gag.. so its literally that--i just... i didnt think about it??? which is exactly what the intent was im sure, because they fully performed that trope, its just usually there isn't anything scary behind it!!! the morbidity lends itself to the joke in a way that disguises it. a lot of cartoon tropes (or general comedy tropes) are like this and tbh thats something thats always interested me since i can remember having the ability to analyze stories.

another thing thats a fave of mine to think about is how stories treat violence. sometimes its a joke, sometimes it's necessary to progress the plot or deal with a threat, but due to maturity ratings and such its almost never depicted as terrible as it really is. characters get a scratch or something, maybe charred hair, or fall over and bloodlessly die at worst. i havent really done the thinking to connect that to genloss yet because im eepy but the vibe is definitely there with the blood/slime

[disgracedname]

Is this what you call a family? Is this what you call a family? Is this what you call a family? Is this what you call a family?

❄ Indie Fate Series Master OC ❄ 6+ years of roleplay experience ❄ Multi-Ship ❄ Semi-Selective

ABOUT / RULES

[radiovisual]

(( when will my drawing and writing and talking to mutuals in dms energy return from the war