#so im not That much of an asshole for walking out
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walked out of the house after a fight with my mom and ig i freaked her out a bit cause when i got home the first thing she did was offer me a wine glass full of bailey's
#i am so fucking drunk rn it is unreal#also like. i had plans w a friend and she Knew that#and mostly we both just needed a sec to cool off. my location was on nd i told my dad where i was#so im not That much of an asshole for walking out
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Atla live action 😐
#thats my honest reaction 😐#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid#like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat#or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already#good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive#to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil#i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better#but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because#it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak#and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but#come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and#makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality#i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was#IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall#AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think#plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS#a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason#im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your#audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small#thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small#its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers#i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang#anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and#rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz#netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub#no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same#ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me#i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing#yapping
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I LOVE going everywhere by bike. Don't need to wait for a bus. Don't need to cram myself into a bus with (urgh) people. Or even worse, what feels like every single student in town. I still get home in about the same amount of time. I'm so so flexible including with places. Like yeah sure, let's go there! I don't care if the next bus station is far away. Doesn't matter to me.
Stayed out late with friends recently. Two of em had to get their family to come pick them up because that's too far to walk and it was too late for buses. A different friend lives like 30 minutes away but always walks and their way goes through a small park where literally no one is at with few lanterns so it's pitch black and I could literally just walk them home and then take the bike which is faster and has its own light and feels and probably is safer than walking those dark ass streets at night alone.
Like. I can just do all that. And yeah, sometimes when I'm not doing too well I feel like collapsing afterwards and yeah, maybe my fingers feel like falling off a lot at this time of year but that's like. SO worth it. I have no idea how people can live and NOT go everywhere by bike. Like if it's more than 20-30 minutes maybe but even with hills.... I fucking love my bike.
#a biscuit's rambles#also i just love going out with friends til late??#with the lockdown and shit that is such an entirely new experience and its great#also i like feeling useful i think. i like walking a friend home knowing ill definitely get home safe#idk#i also like my bike. a lot#been taking it literally every single day for years now and i have no regrets#EXCEPT FOR THOSE FUCKING PEDESTRIANS THAT HEAR MY BELL AND DO NOT FUCKING MOVE#AND THE OTHER BIKES THAT JUST DONT RING THEIR BELLS OR NOT EVEN HAVE ANY#LIKE THEN YOU GOTTA AT LEAST YELL AT PEOPLE TO MOVE OVER YOU NUMBNUT#A BIKE IS QUIET THEY DO NOT HEAR YOU THEY WILL NOT MOVE OVER MAGICALLY#AND IM STUCK BEHIND YOU#ALSO ITS JUST ASSHOLE BEHAVIOUR LIKE SOMEITMES WARNING SOMEONE SO THEY KEEP TO THE BLOODY SIDE IS GOOD!!!#and dont even get me STARTED ON SOME OF THE CARS#MUCH LESS THE STUPID ASS FUCKING INFRASTRUCTURE OF MY TOWN#ITS LIKE THEY WANT BIKES TO BE RUN OVER#fun fact i have been run over before#just fuckin collided with a car#nobody would listen to me try to pick apart the details of how it felt#which was probably my way of trying to cope with that experience lol#though nothing serious happened. bUT STILL#also oh god that one stupid fucking street with those stupid ass cars NOBODY NEEDS A CAR THERE JUST BAND HTEM ALREADY#AND THE. THE FUCKIGN ROADWORKS#I CAN NOT REACH MY SCHOOL WITHOUT ALMOST BEING EITHER HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A HUGE SHOVEL OR RUN OVER BY A TRUCK#AND IF THATS NOT THE CASE THEN THERES SO MANY FCKING PEOPLE THAT EVEN IF I YELL AT THEM LIKE MAD I CANT GET PAST WITHOUT RUNNING SOMEONE#THROUGH MYSELF#im very passionate about all things bike. but thinking abt it is a huge part of my life so im allowed to be
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there exists not a universe where i could talk my parents into actually caring for me. because if it was possible, i wouldve fucking done it by now. and i know there's an inherent grief in thinking about how your parents aren't actually perfect, but c'mon. one of my siblings goes "i talked with dad and convinced him to compromise (on attempting to kill ur cat just to prove u wrong). think you should talk to dad, it would be very helpful ^_^" and then my dad comes up to me five minutes later and says "borb it's like you don't even love us." shaking my sibling by the shoulders like don't you understand? there isnt a cheat code, a perfect set of words that will make our parents actually love me. there isn't a way to make them care. it's complete fantasy, to think that if i just sit them down and explain well enough, that it'll magically fix them and turn them into the ideal parents, or hell, even good enough parents. that's not who they are or who they've ever been.
#borbtalks#and of course it seems to be fantasy that if i explain things just right to my sibling. that maybe they would understand#asshole would complain about getting stressed out by our parents and in the next breath berate me for getting stressed out by our parents#they've had twenty five years of practice in learning that im the Family Brat. the Designated Stuck-up Bitch. the Rebellious Troublemaker#im not going to sit and hold their hand and gently guide them into treating me like a person instead of my role#and im certainly not gonna walk them through the recognition that our parents abused me#not to mention. this sibling joined my mother in making fun of me when i was in the ER with mono + thrush so like.#how much of the abuse ive experience do they actually care about? they clearly don't have a problem with participating
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y'all seriously overestimating just how much solavellan will even matter. you know the romance in DAI was a single cutscene right? where he dumps you lol. comparatively the least content by far. and this game isn't about the inquisitor. yes it's about Solas but he may or may not have this relationship with last game's player character so, it isn't going to be given center stage. I get being annoyed with the obnoxious chronically fandom-pilled online teenagers and Disney adults, but they do this bullshit in every single space they take up. just ignore them and the rage inducing algorithms of modern social media
instead of being pissed off that one of only two vital choices is whether the Inquisitor said to redeem or stop Solas, how about be pissed off that that decision presumably is what is going to colour your Inquisitor's personality, which now I am left to assume is one of two (.5 for romanced) people, the "redeem" version being you talk soberly about Solas and say shit like "I feel responsible for him... I wish I could convince him to change his mind... He is a good person doing bad things... So sad..." and the "stop" version being you talk aggressively about Solas and say shit like "I feel slighted by him... I wish I had never allowed him access to such resources... He is a bad person doing bad things... So callous..." Like can we instead please be angry that they don't care about respecting the individuality of our different game experiences? This is not about Solas. And this is not about solavellan. It's about apparently the only thing mattering being a check in the box, when the actual experience of this *role playing game* is not universal. Not every inquisitor is going to feel about or respond to Solas in the same ways, even within the confines of solavellan, even within "stop" or "redeem". Like, I have lavellans that romanced him and would treat him kindly, I have some that would treat him bitterly, some that would treat him angrily, some that forgive and some that are furious. Do I get to experience these different possibilities? Apparently not. And it has nothing to do with solavellan. That being a part of the story is not the reason they've limited the flavours here to either one or the other. We shitting on Solas/solavellan now just bc of the most obnoxious voices you could possibly imagine? Ok cool
#i guarantee you it will yet again be like three differences in dialogue. if you were with him for trespasser you had one extra wheel and#and a different animation for him removing the magic. you got: a slight variation to the content within extremely reasonable#parameters for 'talk to go either in negative approval positive approval or a romance path'. like. what do you think is really gonna happen#you honestly believe theres gonna be Inquisitor content and then +150% more if you're a solavallen ???? be serious.#it would SHOCK me if we even got an additional cutscene with the man. i am going into this with the reasonable assumption#that it will be handled much like trespasser. and you again. get slightly different dialogue in like two segments of the conversation#me not being able to select my Inquisitor's dialogue in a scene feels to me that theyre not gonna touch much. they barely said shit w Hawke#who had completed story arcs....the solavellan thread was not tied up so leaving that up to auto dialogue feels insane to me#i have to fuckin wonder man. some of yall seem to think we're gonna have to running around as inquisitor and talking to ppl as inquisitor#this whole damn time. and in no way has any marketing given this impression for any second. the opposite in fact. the inquisitor is gonna be#a fuckin statue in the lighthouse ok#you'll probably have your intro couple of dialogue trees exactly like when hawke shows up at skyhold#and then they just chill there and go “solas sucks” when you pester them if they went Stop or go “solas needs help” for Save#until the climax when he finally busts out thr fade and you're gonna go have your big final fights and decide his fate#then they'll be like “im also here btw” and here if theyre solavellan they'll be like “solas it's our last night on earth can we smooch” and#if you've been getting the Solas is Fine Actually ending they walk off. and then the next day you have the same boss fight you always would#like come the fuck on i mean yall. dude inquisition is RIGHT there. and they did FUCK ALL with hawke!!!! inquisitor is not going to matter#so can we just. shut tf up? why are Solas fans the ones putting this bullshit all over my dashboard. like. just ignore the fuckin assholes.
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recently ive been getting really sick of my neighbors i wish that i had a bunch of money so that i could buy up their houses and only let people i live live near me
#neighbors 1 used to be friends but theyre trumpies and also neglect and borderline abuse their dog#i like river hes not a bad dog but hes not trained well and is a very large and powerful dog and really really wants to kill my cats#and they just let him loose wander in the road wander into other peoples yards and hes trapped me and my mom outside because#he tries to force his way into our house if we try to go back inside of our house and i kinda dont want my cats guts splattered everywhere#neighbors 2 have a fenced in yard with a lab and a husky that they leave outside all of the time in their yard#as far as i know they dont have a dog house or even food and water out there and absolutely no toys and the dogs bark constntly#probably because theyre so bored outside in the hot weather usually without shade and no entertainment they bark at each other#or anyone in the yards of the neighboring houses or they bark at the door begging to be let back inside or bark at the windows#and theyre patriots too they got one of those huge skeletons last halloween and theyve kept it up ever since changing out the spotlight#for holidays which initially i really liked i thought it was funny but then for memorialday/july 4th they dressed in patriotically#and i hate america so . i hate them and how they neglect their dogs#neighbors 3 they are related to the one good neighbor BUT. theyre married (?) and they scream at each other arguing all of the time and#because of the geography of where we live it echos right to our house very loudly and it gives me anxiety and they have a kid or kids#who sometimes cry loudly because they scream yell at each other loudly i kinda hope they (not the kids) go to hell#neighbors 4 i . im not sure if theyre newer here but they also have dogs but so far theyve kept them on leashes i think?#except for that one time where their dog just. walked up to me. idk if they let the dog loose on purpose or if it was accidental#but recently me and my mom were outside messing with the garden and They are also a couple and were screaming at each other#also ! i love straight people 😍 please breakup or get a divorce or move away or go to hell youre fucking crazy people go to therapy#and then theres the people on super loud motorcycles or in super loud cars and then theres the other neighbors with the isra hell flag#and the other neighbors that i SUPER SUPER SUPER HATE and have hated for YEARS ecause i went to school with one and hes#racist as fuck i hope he dies or something. and because of them we dont even go down the road that way#they have free roaming animals that would go into the road and they run some ? atv repair or something out of their house and sometimes#completely occupy the whole road loading shit or something. like if you want stereotypical redneck assholes its them#and i hate all of these people so much. mutuals you should live here instead of them. its the blue ridge mountains its higher altitude#its pretty but sometimes it rains and causes something of a 'creek' to flow but were on a mountain so it flows down and away#and well sometimes the sewer smells really bad for some reason idk but like . its fine dont worry about it#and bears might drag your trashcans up the mountain but just dont leave food outside and they wont do that#we have a . shockingly beautiful ?? dumpster on the road too so its okay 👍#dear lird i just scrolled up and thats a lot of words . o well
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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it's a shitty night tonight and I am handling it horribly 😎
#just finished sobbing on my closet floor lol#went shopping w/ parents and had to walk around in heat and humidity and it was terrible#my legs were hurting my back was hurting it was fucking hot out and i was pissed#got some nice stuff but spent the entire ride home trying to drown everything out#especially being surrounded by ultra right assholes#now locked myself in my room trying to ignore everything my parents say/listen to#im sick of staying in my room all the time but there's no way in hell im leaving and having to hear everything#plus they're gonna talk to me about it and i am not in the mindset to deal with anything rn#like FUCK#how much longer do i have to live like this i hate it i hate it i hate it#ALSO ive been an Adult for like 2 weeks and it's just now hitting me that i am not ready for it#so yeah add that to the tally list#plenty of other things going on in my brain but this is getting long#probably wont post this but maybe i will#gotta get this out of my head but im angry and exhausted and scared out of my mind#hey maybe ill actually use tumblr as a diary and post the aftermath of a breakdown#venting yippee#tw vent#feel free to keep scrolling
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Today in Japan:
Tanabata
And yesterday's lightning show that canceled Saturday's lighting:
#japan#my pics#my photos#i brought the guys but the crowds camping the view were so thick#and it was dark so i didnt bring them out#much smaller than advertised but youd get heat stroke waiting for the lanterns to be lit#or struggle through a thick unmoving crowd just to get a photo#one asshole was spawncamping and facetiming his bloody girlfriend kissing the phone and everything#as im an impolite american i damn well did bump and tell him off for being so rude in front of everyone#instead of getting a photo and letting others in#he was there for over 20 minutes unmoving!#bloody ridiculous#the lanterns were supposed to fill the walk all the way to the torii entrance but it was just this small bit#it took them over an hour to light them!#not well managed#yesterday's lightning show is from the spot you should be able to see the lanterns alllllll the way down the path to your feet :/#today in japan
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everyone in my household owes my friends and my ex girlfriend so fucking much.
#red rambles#'when i yelled at you over the spices earlier i actually meant thanks for making lunch' 'alright well im glad you got there eventually' 'yo#have a very abrasive manner of speaking' thank you! i am restraining myself from calling you a fucking asshole to your face. Thank me for#my fucking patience.#yeah man i spent an hour cooking for you and when you got off work you immediately lit into me for doing it wrong and then spent like a ful#fifteen minutes yelling at me over the counters being dirty (which YOU dirtied. for the record) because i had the audacity#to ask that next time i not have to hurt myself trying to get spices out of the disaster you yourself made of the spice rack#by moving ONE THING.#and then you want to wait until the next time i resurface from avoiding the sound of YOUR tv that you play super loud to remind me that#you're an ungrateful pos who doesn't give half a fuck how much work anyone else does for you?#thank me for not screaming in your face.#like it's insult on top of injury at this point. I don't give a shit. You don't have to fucking thank me i do not care. Don't fucking get#MAD AT ME for doing what YOU ASKED. DUMB ASSHOLE.#it's okay i have a handle on my fucking temper. but THEN. don't get on my case for being a little bit less gracious than i could've been#'you know you catch more flies with honey than vinegar' yes well i would like to shoo the flies out of my FUCKING HOME. have you considered#that.#oh well. i'll be out of this fucking place in like a month.#if you told me when i was 15 that i'd be begging for school to start again just so i could get out of the house i'd have asked you why we#hadn't just walked in front of a moving car yet. sometimes i still wonder.#pdl
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Same same same I was literally thinking of what RGG characters' zOMG! loadouts might look like earlier today help😭But I too was playing zOMG! on a horrid PC with a horrid connection... had to zoom out so far to get some slightly better performance from Flash that chat was nearly unusable...
I'm not totally sure I ever got to play the endgame areas like SS and DMS (definitely didn't get to finish DMS, it was just me and the besties + it's a reeeally long run), but those were some wonderful memories! My blorbo apparently lives in Deadman's Pass and it was a lot of fun crawling every inch of the map and coming up with headcanons and stuff. Sawmill was unusually un-performant though for sure, for how small the area is.
My friend group and I dropped it on account of the NFT investments and general downward trend, but sometimes... sometimes it calls to me...
my whole in-and-out bit with gaia is that sometimes i'd just feel too awkward to try and actually talk to anyone in the towns, so i'd just leave the site alone for a while until i felt brave enough to open it back up or i just really wanted to play zOMG (legit it had no business being as fun as it was)
i checked the creation date of my account and my sis actually made it when i was 8 ☠️☠️ but on that note i remember she wanted me to make an account so we could play zOMG together specifically but honestly i can only remember us playing a handful of times before we just played on our own
#snap chats#MEANT TO REPLY SOONER BUT I WAS FUCKIN AROUND WITH MY AVI LMAO#i had so much stuff i didnt even realize i had... also the capsule rewards are a lot Better ???#i remember you used to get like. bland clothes or like a spool of thread but now you get actual neat shit#but oh my god no i remember in deadmans pass (the base game was DMP the new one was DMS OOPSIE)#i would just hang out in that little cemetary bit and be emo as shit 😭😭☠️☠️#AND I REMEMBER I WAS SUPER OBSESSED WITH THE 'I Am' ITEMS#SO I WAS JUST SITTING THERE AS THIS LITTLE CAT WITH THE SCARF LIKE BRO WHY WERE YOU SO MOODY YOU WERE 8#god bring zOMG back let me be moody there now that i have actual things to be moody about#the shallow sea was such a good map but it was also long as fuck- it was undoubtedly the longest one#i dont think i ever even actually beat it ? like THATS how long and hard it was#i mightve come close with a group once but man that was so long ago idk#ok but help rgg charas + gaia like#like PLEASE i joke bout daigo making haruka a gaia account solely because of MY childhood 😭😭☠️☠️☠️#UGH...nostalgia you asshole... im lying gaia was fun back then and if flash was still around it'd still be fun to me now#like thats the real kick in the dick if 90% of the playerbase was gone but the worlds were still there#then i could at least hit up friends and we could just muck about there but naw... its ALL gone.....#i remember walking around the towns at least one more time back innnn 2020?? right before flash shut down??#it was all barren as hell but it was a fun lil trip while it lasted#GOD. yeah i love gaia... biggest surprise to find you also played it but i wont complain ty for chattin bout it with me..#i always feel insane when i remember gaia cause it feels like no one ever knows what im talking about LMAO
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going to the store was so worth it i got to say hi to the little (3 months old iirc?) puppy again and this rlly nice smooth collie .. owner was like "they can tell u like dogs!" Fuck man i sure do
#many tags read at ur own risk vvv#some lady at the store thought i was trying to walk out without paying and i was feeling insulted bc rlly if i had been stealing u wouldnt#even know. im not that stupid 😭#but those dogs made everything better <3#there was a small terrier w the collie too but at 1st the owner was like oops sorry#when it went towards me. nd then i got distracted by the other dog#and im like Please dont apologize u have no idea how much i like dogs.#ugggh the puppy is so cute too this is the 3rd time i get to say hi :'] gave me kisses#owner said that ill have to go first bc otherwise.. (we'd be there all day) LOL. i personally wouldnt mind#rlly my biggest concern w ppl's dogs is being sure that im not bothering either of them#bc every time if someone talks 2 me i have to say i dont understand finnish and hope they speak english. so i dnt want to be in a situation#where someone actually doesnt want me to greet their dog 4 any reason. yknow#and i dnt understand that right away and look like an asshole. orz. hasnt happened nd hope it wont but i try to be cautious#but that aside i would say hi and pet nd ask abt every dog i see.#maybe not every. i do have my preferences (biased towards big dogs <3) but u get the idea#i need to stop talking sorry im autistic. i could reach tag limit if i kept going
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was feeling better i have to listen to people talk today and now i want to throw up or throttle someone ans i cant decide which but i miss being able to just Do Stuff without pain getting in my way
#i thought i was mostly over the bad thoughts#but alas#im still not in the wrong but its still bothering me and the fact i camt watching anything soft and gentle and me right now#because of the emotional dip#is making me feel worse#i miss watching stuff like sister boniface but idk i feel too worn out for that stuff and im so happy its november#but eberything is difficult and i miss people seeing me as soft and good but i feel ugly and like thats taken away from that#not that i interact with people much anyway to begin with#but i miss walkinf and wandering the woods with my dogs and i miss my big dog too#but i cant walk anymore and no one in my immediate life cares enough to help me get out and i feel too self conscious to go out anyway#i flared up in the last week of october but it hasnt settled and im scared this is the new normal for me#it hurts so much and it hurts my heart almost as much#i just want to have a bath and lay down on the couch and watch slashers with someone#but i have no one and i think it might actually be killing me and i dont deserve this#ans i dont deserve to be feeling bad because a group of delusional fuckers harassed me in the summer and screenshotted mw telling a#transphobe to die without the context of them being a transphobe#and thos people are not blocked and the post that started it i think doesnt even exist anymore but yeahtheu were not only assholes but idiot#so WHY DO I STILL FEEL BAD ABOUT IT I DONT DESERVE TO. FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT I GUESS YOU IMMATURE BRATS#i dont have a lot going on in my life especially the last three years so its even harder to block it out and erase it ans remember just#because i can be harsh doesnt mean im a bad person or not caring or gentle#i do got teeth and know how to use them but im senstive#otherwise this shit wouldnt bother me but im also just in a bad position in life and it doesnt help at all#and i miss my friend whos on night shifts and cant talk as much now#i just want to go back to sleep until its all okay cause nothing has ever been okay
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ppl on the left apparently hate to hear it but, yeah, being mean to someone makes them less likely to want to hear out whatever you say. thats kinda like socializing 101.
#'BUT THEY SHOULD HEAR ME OUT BC MY MORALS ARE BETTER AND THEYRE LESS MORAL IF THEY DONT LISTEN TO ME-'#it doesnt matter! you're being a jackass! WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU? DO YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO JACKASS#CONSERVATIVE MEN WHO INSIST THEY GET TO OWN YOU IF YOU'RE A WOMAN? NO! PROBABLY NOT!#MOST PEOPLE DONT LIKE TO LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO ARE BEING ASSHOLES TO THEM. SORRY. FACE THAT FACT. DEAL W IT.#LIVE WITH IT. DIGEST IT. MOVE ON. LEARN TO WORK WITH THAT REALITY INSTEAD OF THE ONE WHERE YOU HOLD YOUR#SUPPOSED MORAL SUPERIORITY OVER BEING EFFECTIVE AT CONVINCING PPL OF YOUR FUCKIN BELIEFS!#ALSO YOU'RE NOT SOMEHOW SUDDENLY NOT BEING A JACKASS JUST BC YOU TARGET THE PRIVILEGED DEMOGRAPHIC#THAT PERSON MIGHT BELONG TO! THEY WILL *STILL* BE REPELLENT! IT REALLY DOESNT FUCKIN MATTER IF YOUR#REASONS ARE GOOD AND MORAL AND JUST OR WHATEVER. YOU HAVE TO WEIGH WHETHER BEING A SMARTASS OR#ACTUALLY CONVINCING PEOPLE IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU.#im not saying you're obligated to be nice. i Am saying people are more likely to listen to you. im not saying thats how it should be.#i am saying thats how it is.#sorry.#and being nice =/= letting people say whatever they want. spread misinfo. shit like that. no.#you can be nice and assertive. you can be nice and cut that shit down right before it even gets a start.#its possible to come off as generally decent and nice and also not let bullshit walk past you.#lose your cool only after they do. if at all. its a power move to not lose your cool.#or- if you cant bring yourself to come off as nice- at least just be so stubbornly neutral. like you're facing ko from avatar.#except instead of stealing your face they're use your expressions to jump to conclusions. so be neutral asf.#be neutral and not disrespectful as much as you can. if you dont convince them at least you can walk away knowing you werent the#most unhinged.
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I can't sleep :(
Rant in tags it's long
#i didnt want to but like i didnt really have a choice#i feel like an asshole in this situation even though Objectively i'm not#but it's because i'm 99% sure i burned bridges for bf too not just me#this would be an angry brother posting but. this isn't about how much i dislike the guy it's about how much i CARE#if your partner's brother was drunk as hell would you hide the key to his bike?#would you try to prevent his grandma from telling him she found it; knowing that she knows he's shitfaced?#knowing they'll give him the key and let him drive away?#knowing they'll forget that this is not the first time and won't be the last? that he crashes the bike at least once every 2 weeks#knowing that they're denying what drunk looks like due to past trauma with alcoholism (not the issue but relevant)#if your partner's brother was drunk; obtained the key; put it in the ignition threatening to drive somewhere ON A FUCKING BIKE#would you call the cops? because i did. i know acab and all but like.#do i just let him drive away and crash for possibly the double digit-th time? definitely can count it on two hands#do i let him drive away drunk and possibly never come back?#do i let that come to pass? i literally would never forgive myself. i dont even like the guy but i dont wish ill upon him#we tried so hard to prevent her from telling him. we really did. i know she was trying to calm him down but like. idk man#i feel fucked up and i dont know why#i wasn't trying to put him in jail i was trying to save his life. not that he would believe me or care#unfortunately for him his bike was against him. it is visually fucked up and battered and you can Tell it's been crashed multiple times#but what makes me the angriest is that his grandma and mom don't seem to fucking care? like AT ALL#they know he's drunk but they just care about not having conflict (as if that'll solve anything)#bf told him 'if you get on that bike im calling the cops' which is obvs met with 'do it pussy'#so i walked away and called them. he thought i was bluffing the whole time. i was not. they need to learn that shits not cool#everything is so fucking nuanced it's ridiculous. my hands were tied i genuinely didnt see any other way#if you read all this you are a trooper and i'm sorry you wasted your time on my drama but i needed to get this out and maybe i can sleep#its fucking 3:09am rip
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this is irrelevant but you know in the 2003 teen titans show there was that one episode i think where future robin showed up or whatever? i hated his future self so much i was like i do not perceive it this is not real to me this never happens
#it was such a visceral hatred too#i was like literally who are you#you know when someone headcanons a character so hard its like nt#its like thats not your blorba thats your oc#thats how i felt watching this#i cant remember if it was the personality or the hair#i just remember he dramatically walked put of the shadows and i was like WHO#and he kept speaking and i was ljke#i just really hated him#i was like that is not your future ill protect you bby#i dont even know how old i was lmao#im pretty future robin was in fact nightwing#right like thats what happened#and i was also like. who the fuck is nightwing#bc i didnt know much im sorry#im like 70% sure it was the personality#i think i thought he was kind of an asshole#a dick if you will#but i think the rest was the hair#OH I JUST LOOKED HIM UP.........IT WAS ABSOLUTELY THE HAIR#LITERALLY WHO THE FUCK IS THAT AHHHH 😭#ok sorry changing the numbers i think it was 70% the hair and 30% his personality HDHDKWBXKD#i was like its the mullet look right? but the eay i was picturing it in my head i was like this isnt bad wdym#but not its that atrocious hair#wheres the volume#who is that get him aeay from me#i sincerely couldnt tell you how old i was cuz that shit came out when i was 1 yr old but i grew up watcjing it so??#it ended 2006 thats crazy? bro they were turning that shit out wtf#it was definitely reruns i was watching then#michi tag
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