#so im having a panick attack i think and im texting my friend about in crying and im like breaking down and texting all these incoherent

[ninyard]

Heyy! You said someone should ask you about Kevin under this post about Kevin's struggles from the nest of which we don't know enough... So I'm asking you about Kevin! Please tell us your Kevin thoughts! You always make very good points and I like reading your thoughts!!

cody my friend I am so glad you asked but you might regret it. i hope you're prepared from an unorganised huge convoluted MESS of a ramble

i've been thinking for a few days about this one like... what would a kevin POV look like? what is he hiding? how does he cope? WHO IS HE?

the kevin we ""know"" is a "coward", an insufferable bitch, an asshole and a hardass. other people's opinions and view of him makes up the entirety of our impression of who he is. but that's not who he is. that's just who we're supposed to believe he is.

kevin, born and bred to have this... borderline psychopathic lack of empathy, who can look his teammates in the eye after being told seth is dead or andrew is being committed and say, "what about the game?"

but when the raven's are switching districts; his sense of danger and fear is paralysing. he's three steps ahead trying to figure out how to please riko, how to keep himself safe, willing to put himself back into the centre of his abuse just to stop riko from finding him and killing him. he has to get blackout drunk to deal with any amount of riko. he's frozen with fear by being in the same room as him.

kevin knows where jean's mind and body goes to when hes panicking, knowing his worst place is right back in the nest being drowned by riko. kevin telling neil "do you know what he'll do to you?" and "he'll break you" when neil asks for his ticket. kevin's text to him before he goes into the nest, and staring at neil like he'd seen a ghost when neil returns after the nest (when he looks like the butcher). his comforting "i know what he's like" or "i know how he sees you, i know it means he did not hold back,".

kevin nervous breakdown panic attack day vs kevin smile for the cameras one track exy mind day

im so intrigued by him. how does he cope? his mother is dead, probably killed by the mafia family he was raised by. he grew up into a cult, he was only a child watching neil's father cut a man into pieces in front of him. how many other's had he seen?

how many other injuries cover his body, in places where the cameras can't see? how many rapes and assaults was he forced to watch in the nest? how many beatings was he forced to participate in? what did he have to say to jean in french that he didn't want riko to hear?

he needs someone with him all the time because of the nest. he's a "health freak" because of the nest. his sleep schedule, his anger, his anxiety.

did he say "what about the season?" re: andrew after drake because he doesn't care, or did he think "i've seen this happen too many times. and they've always kept playing,"? did he think "andrew is the strongest person i know. andrew is stronger than me. he would never let this destroy him," knowing that it has?

nobody has protected him in his life apart from the cameras and andrew.

he's scared. he doesn't know what love is supposed to look like.

he's only been a human for a year.

his scars are healing for the first time in his life and they're not being replaced by new ones, but every day he's afraid that that's going to get ripped out from underneath him. his entire life already got flipped upside down when he left the nest. of course exy is the only thing he "cares" about.

because it's the only thing that's been certain in his life, and even for those few weeks or months where he thought he would never play again, he trained and trained, and learned how to use his non-dominant hand because he can't lose this. he can't lose exy like he's lost everything else.

kevin has never had anything stable in his life except for violence and exy. now he has people he's supposed to care about, and he has to change his priorities. he has to learn how live a life that isn't fueled by self-preservation for the first time ever.

jean was only in the nest for five years; and look at him. look at what the nest has done to his social skills, his view of himself, his self esteem. look at what it's done to him, how he expects violence and contrition, coach and always waiting and waiting and waiting for the punishment to come.

kevin might not have had the same level of physical abuse that jean had, but he was there far longer. the ravens existed before him; their mindset and their abuse and their violence and their poison.

he's been drinking the raven poison since his childhood. the only difference between him and jean other than those things above is that kevin had more pressure to hide it, because he was half of the face of the ravens, half of the face of Exy; media trained or PR trained or a master at being a fraud and faking the way he speaks when he's being recorded.

kevin knows how to hide his abuse because he has always had to, and he's had quite a lot of practice at it.

kevin has only been a human for a year. kevin has only been kevin for a year.

so who is he? does he even know?

or is he just Kevin Day, Raven Fox starting striker, number two, six foot two, left handed right handed left handed, heavy racquet, stick size five? is that all he will ever see himself as?

anyways. or something like that. maybe he is just an insufferable bitch for no reason at all. who knows!

[ms-demeanor]

hello! sorry to bother w this but im sort of desperate at this point. given your post about school abuse: so like. i had a similar experience and i thought that i had sorted my brain out. BUT. big but. now im trans and every time i have to correct people w/ misgender or come out to people that i dont already know their opinion on the issue, i get an anxiety attack that makes me unable to do it. ive told many therapists and no one so far has understood why im terrified of making stuff that other people can perceive as me being difficult to work with. would you have *any* advice? thanks!

Okay so first of all it is totally valid to feel that way; that isn't an irrational response, that is your body and brain going "!!!! I have learned this lesson before!" But just because it's a sensible response doesn't mean it's functional in the long term, which is why it needs to be addressed (which I'm sure you already know, I'm just explaining for people in the back).

So now here is some meandering advice:

Spend time with people you already know you can trust. It's okay to take a break from new people and situations (as much as is possible) when you are processing traumatic events and learning to care for yourself. Spending time with people who you don't have to come out to, who don't misgender you, can help you normalize being out and correctly gendered to yourself.

Recognize that you don't have to be out to everyone and some assholes aren't worth it. This is going to depend some on the context, but you don't owe everybody an explanation for yourself and if people repeatedly misgender you after being corrected you may just be better off not spending time around those people.

Loop in trusted people in low-stakes ways. If you get the sense that someone who you think is pretty safe has misgendered you on accident, it might still feel too intimidating to correct them in person but it might be a good idea to follow up with text or a call or a message to say "hey, just FYI, I think I heard you use a/b pronouns for me earlier, I just wanted to let you know that I use c/d pronouns. Did you want to meet up again next week?" the breakdown on why I think this is effective is - Distance means you're safe - nonthreatening "FYI" means you aren't saying "I'm offended" and assumes good faith from the other person - feels less accusatory (not that you need to tone police yourself, but if you're trying to lower the stress level overall then assuming it was a mistake and letting them know you don't think it was on purpose should reduce the overall tension) - request to meet up again or topic switch to something lighter once again says "I'm not mad, that was just regular information, we can now return to our scheduled programming"

I think that, generally speaking, this is also a decent way to come out to people if you're nervous; physically remote and emotionally casual can be a good place to work from (even if you're actually panicking in your head but you can pull off casual in a written message)

Find (or create) a space where people are 100% going to support you. If you need to create a discord server, if you need to schedule a regular coffee date with trusted friends or family members, whatever it is, give yourself a space where you are unconditionally supported and can have people to bounce ideas and concerns off of. Even if it's just you and one other person, it's good to know you have *someone* who you can say "I think I want to tell this other person to use my pronouns but it's scary" to and know that you're not at risk in any way. I'd say try to make sure that you're still interacting with people outside of that space, but have a space to retreat to where you can just drop the worry.

Recognize that somebody else's problem is not a reflection of you. If you have, for instance, a coworker who is being a piece of shit and refusing to recognize your gender, that is not a reflection of your gender that is a reflection of them being a piece of shit. If there is a classmate or a sibling who uses the wrong pronouns after being corrected that doesn't mean you're not entitled to your pronouns that means they are being a piece of shit. Some people are just not going to accept you and that's on them. Try to minimize your time spent with them and if you have to spend time with them at work take steps to ensure your safety, but don't fight losing battles with assholes.

It really is legitimately scary. You have good reasons to be scared and you are doing a very frightening thing (and not to do the meme thing but you are legitimately being so brave about it; the fact that you are reaching out and asking anyone for help, including randos on the internet, means that you are taking steps to doing the scary thing and that is SO GOOD and I'm really proud of you for making the effort in spite of the fear).

Here is some less meandering advice:

Practice. Talk to yourself in the mirror, practice with friends, practice with your therapist. Practice coming out to yourself in a casual way. Practice correcting your pronouns. Practice an introduction for yourself that explains the information you want to give to new people you might meet. Get it down to a quick little patter, get it to be something that's easy to say to yourself in the mirror first, then try it with friends for practice, then try it around the safer people you might want to give the information to. It'll get easier as you go.

Look for a local support group (or an online support group). If there's a local LGBTQ+ center you should see if they've got events going on or a support group you can join or workshops or any manner of social thing where you can go interact with people who have been through similar stuff.

Journal. Each time you find yourself frightened of talking to someone about your gender, do what you need to to get through the day and then sit down and think about that interaction. Write down what happened, write down what you were thinking. Was there something in particular that made you anxious? Is it something you can practice addressing? Was there something you noticed about the person that made you uncomfortable? Is that a common thread in the times you have trouble talking about this? If you're able to narrow down specifically what is making it hard to speak to some people that might make it easier to explain to therapists but will also make it more actionable for you.

Here's some very optimistic advice:

If at all possible find a friend who will be rabid and unflinching in their support for you and hang out with them around new people. Get yourself an attack dog copilot who will cheerfully step up and make corrections for you. I know not everyone can do this and I know that if you can find someone like this they can't be around all the time, but it can be wonderfully reassuring to find that one person who you know is going to be ride or die about making sure that everyone in the room respects you. (Being that person for someone else can also teach you how to be that person for you)

[fictionfixations]

playful land (part 2)

contains spoiler for the movie pinocchio so and like book 7 spoilers (its literally just 2 words relating to lilia and its a card that exists)

😭 as a glasses wearer i can relate. when i didnt have my glasses id squint a lot but the people around me just thought i had my eyes closed so they thought i wasnt paying attention D:

its even crazier to think that lilia, a war veteran and everything was legitimately stressed over this 💀 but to be fair if grim was in danger of getting out of like the seats that lilia had to hold him back id be panicking too cause who knows what could happen

heres your reminder that vil was kinda baby (well child but thats still baby to me) when being in the industry and considered good at playing the villain even though children (and teenagers) are literally known for changing, are in the prime time of their life to change and experiment and try different things theyve never done before and so typecast him is literally to stunt his growth and potential !!! and remember there were those kids who thought vil was an actual villain and like tried to attack him or some shit so he did play villains when he was younger. and it probably really hit him hard because kids dont (and shouldnt) be hit with the reality that not everyone is nice and that people can be out to get you for no reason other than 'you exist' and will run with any reason they can to hate on you even if its entirely fake and they dont even know you but they just think youre a bad person despite the truth and theres nothing you can do to change that because they dont want to be wrong. if you cant tell i have a lot of things against it. like. like child prodigies n celebrities are great good for you for being good at something and being recognized for it, but ohh my god its like suddenly they're an adult and cant make mistakes without people condemning them even though literally everyone has made mistakes before and children dont know any better until they do it and mess up and thats okay and i just. i just want vil to be ok cause hes still really young.

the text being like pLAcehOldeR TExT PLaCeHoLDer TeXt is so fucking creepy for the puppets 😭 why cant it just be normal like when like AIs or like the systems of shit talk (like like the navi system that was normal?? and i thought the voices for the rollercoaster was normal too but i mightve just not noticed considering im playing it right as the update came out and i havent slept yet so yippee)

JIMINY CRICKET IS THAT YOU 💀

the way i missed all these references the first time but now im actually getting them cause i saw the movie

heres where i say i already forgot like a part of the middle of the movie and what happened and why. i was watching it with friends so i got distracted trying to talk to them and im really bad at multitasking when trying to watch something (like reallly pay attention) and talk to someone at the same time so i forget one or the other and i forgot the movie so i dont remember what the apple core was about but i doubt it was good intentioned

i know that leona's older than them but i still like that he calls them kids like d'aww

flashbacks to kalim mentioning he didnt know how to pay for things or how cash registers worked and stuff like that cause usually merchants came to him also him mentioning he got like lint rollers for the carpet but he just kept buying new ones when he ran out instead of buying a new roll, and when being informed that he could buy a new roll instead of an entirely new roller he just called whoever thought of that a genius 😭 his obliviousness is genuinely harmful to him no matter how good intentioned someone may be to try to spoil him and make him live the most comfortable life ever because theres so much life experiences hes lacking. and theres so much i could say about this but ive yapped enough about this in other posts and ive also already yapped about vil so um

HES LICKING THEM BECAUSE OF THE OVERBLOT STONES ISNT HE? ???? ????? GRim PLEASE

…hes got a tail because he went to pleasure island and was slowly turning into a donkey like i mean i guess i can understand because in twst the stories were twisted so both the hero and the villain got a happy ending technically? like remember i think jasmine married like 'a street rat' or something (I cant remember exactly? maybe he was like a thief but changed his ways?), while jafar caught someone who was pretending to be a prince to marry her (described as two different people btw)

THIS. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN. he is so unaware that hes going to make dumb and insensitive comments that could definitely offend someone but he doesnt understand what the problem with it is this boy is like the heir right?? someone please teach him politics and like diplomacy shit ???? like ok you want him to have the best life. his best life is not making mistakes in front of important people that can fuck things up without him realizing and ruining relationships because HE DOESNT KNOW BETTER. like theres only so long you can baby someone and i know hes baby and still young but stop coddling him. like i mean i want to coddle him i want to wrap him in bubble wrap but like come on. and i know hes smart, he knows people arent the best because people have tried to poison him and tried to kill him (even some of his family have tried) but come on. like what if he comes off as insincere? as a person who couldnt possibly understand? HE ALREADY DOES COME OFF AS THAT HAVE YOU SEEN JAMIL?? and you know what thats gonna breed? RESENTMENT. aAAAAAAa AND PEOPLE ARE GONNA TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIM BECAUSE HE WANTS TO SEE THE GOOD IN EVERYONE EVEN THE PEOPLE WHO DO BAD SHIT TO HIM AND ITS JUST. i dont want him to be hurt and hes gonna get hurt and he already has been hurt and hes still managing and i feel so bad for him and i just. ..you can tell i have a lot of feelings over thsi fhaidwsuiahfd

d'aww hes hugging him 🥺

yknow kalim probably has the funds to get like a water breathing potion and explore underwater like i mean tbh it kinda scares me. wasnt there that story during like one of the halloween events one of the leech twins mentioning how they saw like one of them?? except it wasnt them. and that like people went missing or some shit??? the coral sea (..that might not be the name i forgor) has its own dangers i hope he stays safe during so

wouldnt it be the coolest for a hometown event with the leech twins and azul and kalim is there actually i wonder what kinda outfits they'd wear. also in caters birthday bloom vignette floyd mentioned that he could take cater to the coral sea and show him places land people dont really get to see (then warns him to watch out for shark attacks) to which cater replies that he'll pass. …still i think itd be really cool for him to go too. maybe we could make it a pop music club trip! has lilia been to the coral sea? i cant remember 🤔 i dont think caters phone is waterproof though (hes also mentioned it in that vignette) and hes mentioned it in this event where he was scared his phone would get waterlogged during the whale rollercoaster cause they were getting drenched in water and he didnt get time to prepare

leona. you get me.

kalim just automatically being worried about poison makes me feel really bad for him cause he always has to be cautious like i know he doesnt say it but its implied and it makes me sad

FIGARO MY BELOVED I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU PRECIOUS BABY AHFDASUDIHAIUDHW i love cats so much the moment he showed up on screen i just couldnt pay attention to anything that was happening in the movie and i just love the way he was animated he looked so fluffy and cute and i just wanted to pet him so fucking much aGHHHH

leona: I REFUSE to ride the carousel no matter what right after leona: on the carousel

so confirmed kalim does have a magicam acc huh

[girlhorse]

in college when i had my first major ocd breakdown and had to go on meds i thought i had really bad GAD lol. that was my only diagnosis. but um i now recognize that it was absolutely full blown ocd lol

tw below for some OCD stuff i feel like sharing for some reason. may delete later bc i am going to get very ~vulnerable~

i was really scared to explain my thoughts to anyone bc 1) i knew logically they were bizarre and that embarrassed me and 2) i was scared talking about my intrusive thoughts would make them come true

basically i was obsessed with thoughts that my now ex was going to be in harms way or die, especially when it had been like. idk. more than 20 minutes from texting me

my intrusive thoughts were so strange..i would come up with really whacky ways that they could be fatally injured. like slipping in the shower or choking to death.

I knew these were unreasonable and weird and I did my absolute best to not pester my ex or make it weird. I didnt want to pressure her to do anything because of my out of control anxiety but it was getting super out of hand

I was getting so sick that I was having panic attacks if i hadnt heard from them in a couple hours, i threw up a few meals because of it

eventually i just stopped sleeping. Every time I started to fall asleep, my body jolted me awake. I had very little appetite and was holding back gags while eating.

The things I didn't really consider to be compulsions are pretty obvious to me now. on top of like intense magical thinking (believing my unusual thoughts were either going to cause something bad or that I had some sort of clairvoyance) i had begun publicly checking my pulse any time i was anxious. I thought i was being discreet but honestly my friends noticed it and asked me wtf i was doing ☠️ i was putting my two fingers on my jugular vein to see if i was panicking or anxious.

i also had a problem with compulsively reading the news in their area if i thought they had been hurt. in the attempt to get ahead of it. I was checking traffic data and friends blogs. It was honest to God a bit stalkerish and i knew that but i was terrified

I did tell them about it eventually and they were very gracious about it.

but this went on for a long time, probably months. Somehow i still coped with college classes and didn't fail anything but i was in a pass/fail school so no pressure to do substantially well

eventually i finally got my as to the doctor bc the therapy i was doing did Not work (it ws self guided CBT. I do not think the campus therapsit was equipped to handle the Brains issue i had)

i got put on a low dose of prozac, but when that didnt work (literally threw up a pill due to anxiety lmao) my doc increased the dose significantly and that helped quite a bit.

Anyway i stopped having so bad of OCD that i couldnt function, but of course i still have my moments

it took me like a couple weeks to figure out my fear was largely surrounding uncertainty and the inability to control things.

i think to be honest it is still present. and it seems to be triggered by major life events. Enzo is my new Subject but I'm better able to cope. It was hard when he was little leaving home, i was always scared I'd come back to a d*** puppy bc of something I did wrong. But! hes fine, we're fine. Him getting sick has been hard to deal with Because of this but im dealing. Im doing my best to just accept my obsrssions instead of fighting them or letting them spiral out of control

IDK what the point od this post is i just feel like i have to get it off my chest and i dont have a therapy appointment this week ❤️❤️❤️ my public tumblr is my diary:)

[ghostlyschizophrenic]

tw: talk of anxiety and trauma from parental alcoholism

my nightmares about my past trauma regarding my parents’ alcoholism have been coming back really strongly and i had an anxiety attack at a restaurant just seeing the alcoholic drinks menu after being fine around it for a few years. i’m constantly in a flight or fight state and any time a car around me is being a shitty driver i can’t just think oh this person sucks i immediately think theyre drunk and i start panicking. don’t know what deteriorated in my ability to cope, but im glad im looking for a therapist again because i can’t live like this. im barely sleeping because im terrified of my dreams, im anxious all the time and ive even upped two of my meds (with the advice of my doctor) without any change, im so overwhelmed by the thoughts of the past impacting my future i can barely plan for the future which is Really Important because im moving out at the end of the year and i Need To Get My Shit Together. i can barely even text my friends about it because theyre of legal age to drink (im the last to turn 21, which will be in september, everyone else is 21) and i don’t want to put a damper on the mood. im so fucking exhausted of something from years ago being so debilitating i just want to be able to move on

anyway fuck trauma 😓

[surprise-sapphic]

Albedo x Aether however it is a manager x main singer au

It's also a little 6NEMO au but I don't really talk about the other members and just fixate on my blonde boys Albedo and Aether :]

CW// mentions of panic attack

"Aether- You're up next, when you're ready i'll tell the others so we can-"

Albedo's words stop short when he sees his friend on the ground, curled up into a ball and shaking intensely.

He places his notice board gently before dropping to his knees and pulling Aether into a tight hug, "Hey, is it another one again?" He whispered quietly.

The latter nodded desperately against his chest and pulled away, panicked gasps being forced out of his lungs and tears streaks covering his face. Albedo took off his jacket and carried the other onto a couch, after he settled him down, he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to hold off introducing Aether to the crowd.

"Okay, i told Amber to hold off introducing you, don't worry.. Venti is probably showing everyone a party trick he learned.." The manager took a respective seat next to the main vocalist, Aether was still having a hard time breathing and concentrating.

"fuck im.. im so sorry Albedo- i should be out there performing for Klee's birthday party but i don't know i just got really scared and the next thing i knew i-"

"Aether, its okay. I'm sure she would understand your situation, how about let's focus on steadying your breathing?"

Aether's head whipped around and got really close to Albedo's face, "B-but!"

Albedo placed a gentle finger on his lips.

"Shhh. Just listen to me okay?"

Aether suddenly had lost all senses of breathing, if his problem earlier was breathing too much.. His problem now was breathing too little, he closed his eyes as his shoulders slowly soften its harsh posture, he relaxed against the fingertip on his lips as if it were a second instinct.

Albedo slowly takes off his finger when he realizes that he might have crossed the line when it came to personal space, a warn blush washed across his face.

"W-what does Lumine do.. when you have panic attacks like these?" He looks away to attempt lifting the tension.

"she likes to put my head on her lap, cause she told me that panic attacks can make people dizzy, so it's best to have someone who can ground you when your flying away." Aether recalled timidly.

With some careful thinking and a quick glance around the room, Albedo sat back and placed a soft blanket over his lap before patting it as an invitation.

"Here.. Lay down and rest until you're better" Albedo offered to the other.

Aether blushed in embarrassment and he felt his lungs acting up again, "It's okay! You dont have to really- Its just a childish thing me and Lumine did as kids- its not like it helps me relax instantly or anything-"

Albedo bit his lip and looked away, his hands curled up into soft fists as he blushed the same way Aether is now.

"I know I'm not obliged to assist you to these lengths, but as a manager.. and a friend, i care about you a lot..." He muttered under his gentle breaths, his platinum blonde locks covering half of his face so Aether could only imagine how flustered his manager could be right now.

"So please.. As a friend, let me take care of you? As a way of showing my concern and love for you... U-ummm.. a-as a friend-"

Aether couldn't help but smile softly at the shy Albedo, he sighed before nervously adjusting his position on the couch and while using his manager's jacket as a blanket, laid down on his lap.

[blackvail22]

also (this is my third or fourth post within a 30 minute timeframe btw) my dad made me uncomfortable tdy because i went to my room when my mom started yelling (by coincidence tbh i just wanted to lay down bcos i had a headache and was tired and i have no couch/sofa in my living room) and when i went down for dinner he kept asking me "what did mom say to make you mad. i know her. i know you" and it truly just made me uncomfortable and unsafe and he seemed a little drunk so itd make sense hed do that and im scared that my dad is going to cross a boundary now that i confide in him more than my mom

what doesnt help is my past!!! i have been groomed online multiple times, and--i cant believe im saying this--lying about my age saved me once. i told them i was the same age i told you (sometimes id say 16 which was SO obviously a lie). this one guy, his name was pierce (allegedly), told me "my dad needs a photo of your birth certificate in order for me to keep talking to you" (this guy was 20 AT LEAST. why would he need parental approval?) because i lied abt my age and name, OBVIOUSLY i was panicking. i thought abt doing it ngl. i was like "how am i supposed to change my birth certificate to say im am who im saying i am?" and then i thought "how the hell am i supposed to access an important document that my mom has wo her looking through my phone again?" so i was like "no. i cant do that" and he got all mad and was like "well im blocking you then" and i said "thats fine. im not even supposed to be talking to you anyways" i remember the exact date and where i was exactly during all of it and what i did afterwards (watch the heathens mv by twenty one pilots, it happened the same day as publication around 2pm)

god, pierce was such a weird guy. i forgot about him until recently. i met him on minecraft after my parents "banned" me from roblox. in minecraft he'd make me roleplay with him but like... yk... it was weird. he would make us write everything in a book and he would store all of them in a chest (there was at least 40 books of this). there was a time (i regret this so deeply) he asked me for my phone number, and i gave it to him. from then we would text each other a lot, and we would skype. i dont have any recollection of him ever talking when on skype. i think he would type everything out, making it weirder. also, i had the squeeky little kid voice so he obviously knew i wasnt however old i told him i was (i think 16). also, i very much DID NOT look that old either. i still have the photos from then... i looked so young. i could see 12, maybe? bur 16? no. i had a power outage once, making me unable to use my phone for a few hours. i had a panic attack because i was so afraid of him being upset with me (he was) and he threatened to kill himself. i didnt want to do any of the things he told me to do. i didnt want to hear any of the sexual comments he would make about me. i didnt want him to talk about how much he wanted to make me have a big family and enact all of *that* out. i didnt deserve to be treated like that, and i shouldve listened to my parents when they told me to block his number. i feel so responsible for everything that happened to me back then and even with the more recent events. i kept saying no but he kept going on about it. i shouldve just blocked them. i shouldn't have kept him in my life any longer than b told me to. i just liked the company and i didnt want to be lonely again... i didnt want it all to end up this way... *that* way. if i think abt it, i wouldnt have been bullied so extensively or experienced that thing his friend did (and they both said i was a whore) (*side note i never talked abt the thinf his frkend did and i truly do not want to talk abt the specifics!!!!!) and sometimes i think theyre right. i still have the messages from last year when he reached out to me. "i cant have forced you to do anything when im online!!!" u did though. if i blocked u or unadded you youd blow up our friends forcing them into the situation bcos u knew theyd be on ur side and theyd bully me or find a way to con me into talking to u. if i told u no, i dont want you to do that, i dont want to do that, youd call me a bitch and a whore and wouldn't stop begging for it after i said no and making me do it/go with it to make you shut the fuck up. are there a lot of things i said that i regret? yes, absolutely. honestly if he spread screenshofs out of context i would 100% be called a whore, a liar, and that i wanted it. but i only did it to make him shut up n not be pissed!!!!! seeing his name on a church sign in my town makes me shut down every time. he traumatized me NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED he traumatized me, in more ways than just that one. it truly reversed my progression by a lot. i cant talk abt it ever because i feel like no one will believe me or blame me for it.

anyways this all contributed to the changing and and scarring of my perspective of relationships--platonic, romantic... theyre all ruined for me. i always have a wall up now, and my ex did not help that at all! actually made it quite worse. im more vulnerable when it comes to the things i like, and im extremely careful when i make decisions that involve other people. whenever someone is extremely quiet near me, i start to panic. whenever i talk about my day, im scared people will not care about anything i have to say. they dont have to care, but its nice to have ppl care every once in a while

anyways ive been typing for 20 minutes now bcos im on my phone. its nearly midnight and i have to be at the hospital at 9am for my prodecure that is at 11am. im terrified but its okay

toodles!

wait no song time

d4vd has so many good songs he's def in my top 10!

okie byebye 😁

[zerobaseonefics]

luckily my fsmily is back in poland now! i will try to ignore them the next time i meet them.. and my cousin is the only one my age but sadly its the same for her (the women talk about her body too)

i met my friends today at school but i didnt manage to tell them about that, so i will try to do that tomorrow and i had a panic attack today but i forgot about your method:(( i will try to do it the next time tho!!

ohh i thought you would be like 17 or 18 but im younger than you! i just turned 18 on the 1st january (sorry i just had to add it👲) and i use she/her, thank you for asking about that<33

~🤍

omg that's good news!! hope they won't come back anytime soon cuz their behavior was honestly irritating 💀

about your friends, it might be difficult to tell them in person, right? do you guys have a groupchat or something? maybe it'll be easier for you if you tell them by text

i understand 🫡 when you're having a panick attack it's kinda hard to think straight and it's easy to forget about the methods i gave you. if you have friends or family that knows about your issue with this, tell them about the methods, so if it ever happens that you're having an attack in their presence they can help you do them

ohhhh our ages are close!!! i was born on 3rd of april do we have a bit more than year apart. it's late of 4 months but happy birthday 🤭

[shaaaaaaar]

i suppose if theres one thing im getting out of this club though, its confidence

i’ve talked about my social anxiety a lot with a friend recently and she’s expressed that, from what she can tell from my stories, i have been getting more confident even if im not where i want to be socially right now. and she’s right

but confidence with initiating doesn’t alleviate the exhaustion of feeling estranged. confidence with initiating hasn’t alleviated the anxiety of having these few people that seem to be cool with me but i can’t really tell and i don’t know where to go or if i’m actually liked.

or if i fucked it up.

someone i met in a class asked me if i wanted to meet her boyfriend. he’s looking for more trans people at school and she thought we’d get along. i agreed, excited about both the fact that i’m seemingly liked and that i’m making progress. except after last pride club, i had a panic attack. i panicked thinking about meeting that friend’s bf, because why the fuck would she want to introduce him to me? we hardly know each other and i’m… well, i’m me. so i texted her saying “probably nevermind, i’m scared and i feel unworthy” (i was scared to be honest and say insecure). a few hours later i realized that decision was me having a panic attack so i texted again saying “nevermind i lied i had a panic attack”, but i can’t tell if the damage has been done or not (radio silence).

which, yknow, hasn’t made me feel much better. and actually made me feel worse in the confidence department.

even if going to this club makes me more confident over time, i don’t think its the best idea. it’s loud and i don’t feel like i can find a place, and environments that are overwhelming for me have been proven to be worse for my mental health. never want to step into highschool again my wellbeing was horrific there

ive been more successful talking to people in class than in club. and class has been better for boosting my social confidence too.

i don’t know how i feel about this though

i don’t know if i’m being too hasty

but i suppose i’ll figure it out

i’ve gone to my school’s pride club like three times now and i don’t think i want to go again.

not because the club is bad or anything but because i’m just not clicking?

i feel out of place and too nervous to try and enter into a conversation with most people. it feels like i’m forcing my way into a friend group and it’s made me feel a little uncomfortable. but most the time i won’t really be spoken to by anyone but the club president who tries to talk with eveyone so they feel included (she’s cool)

not to mention it’s a little overwhelming in there. its just loud and can be a bit too much after a while and i’ll need to step out just to get some quiet

two of the three times i’ve gone its ended in a panic attack and the one time i didn’t still left me not feeling great.

it’s not like i don’t have an open mind, because i do. the week i didn’t have a panic attack i tried to push myself a little socially but still felt weird because i couldn’t break in without the club president being like “shar! gay boy with the stuffed mimikyu! cmon you expressed interest join us!” and if she wasnt actively including me it was like other people let me fade in the background

not due to my own lack of effort, mind you, more just didn’t really give a shit about including me. and it isn’t like i expect everyone to include me (a stranger) or anything or go out of their way for me (again, a stranger). but it felt odd and demotivating.

but i also keep talking myself into “youre quitting too early” despite it just not being a comfortable experience. and a lot of the discomfort isn’t even really “this is novel behavior” stuff but because i feel out-of-place and i don’t feel like it’s working.

but what if i am quitting too early? what if i’m being stupid?

these conundrums are just making things worse honestly. i’m not sure if a club like this is the way to get me to make friends. which, when i already feel like a fish out of water and hearing the quiet whispers of my own insecurity in my ear, is the opposite of reassuring.

[hauntedeyes]

;

[homo-phoneic]

Things me and my friends said except I turn them Into bmc incorrect quotes

Also warning for lots of NSFW jokes LMAO

Also tw for a brief mention of suicide

**doing math homework**

SQUIP: okay it's 584

Jeremy, who's LED lights on there laptop's keyboard went out so they can't see any of the keys: **clicks 3**

SQUIP: ...that's a fucking 3-

Jeremy: **SOB** I KNOW-

--------------

Jeremy: HOW DARE YOU BETRAY ME I COULD TOTALLY BEAT MICHAEL IN A TICKLE FIGHT I KNOW IM NOT TICKLISH AND HE DOESNT KNOW IF HES TICKLISH OR NOT I WOULD SO WIN!

Christine: AHAHSHDJJFFH-

Jeremy: I HAVE A CHANCE! HE DOESNT! PLUS HES SHORT!

Christine: short people can hide easier so they can jump out and attack >:)

Jeremy: I'm a raccoon! Even if I'm tall I can also jump out and attack!

--------------

Michael: Jeremy I am extremely bored again

Jeremy: same :(

Michael: I looped my favorite song for so long my brain reprogrammed itself to tune it out so now I can't even distract myself with that anymore!

Jeremy: Lmao loser

Jeremy:... /j

Jeremy: please don't hang up

--------------

Rich: you're a bitch and tall /neg

--------------

Jeremy: why are your cats getting more bitches than I am??

Michael: hey they're also getting more bitches than I am

Jeremy: i can fix that **lipbites** /j

Michael: LMAOOO-

Jeremy: /hj

Michael: WAIT-

--------------

Michael: I'm watching porn with Jeremy 🙏

Christine: WHAT.

YOURE WHAT NOW?

IM SORRY???

HUH??????

MICHAEL?!??!?

YOU WANNA EXPLAIN YOURSELF?????

HEY????

Michael, only messaging back like the next day: we were doing it as a joke, no homo

--------------

Jeremy: what do I say to make the AI fuck me

Michael: YOU THINK IM GOOD AT THAT??

Jeremy: I DONT KNOW YOUVE SEXTED ME BEFORE-

Michael: YEAH BUT I WAS PANICKING ALRIGHT-

Jeremy: SO WAS I! YOU KEPT ASKING ME WHAT I WANTED AND I WAS LIKE IDFK UR THE TOP ARENT YOU SUPPOSED TO DECIDE??

Michael: HAHSHDHF DUDE I HAD NO CLUE WHAT I WAS DOING I WAS JUST LYING IN BED AND LIKE- "oo Jeremy texted m- oh."

Jeremy: AHAHSHHDBG

--------------

Jeremy: Michael I'm having a panic attack rn do you mind not taking about sexy Jeff Bezos

Michael: No no okay but hear me out-

Jeremy: IM NOT HEARING YOU OUT-

--------------

Jeremy: sobbing rn

I'm just so quirky and built different my eyes can't handle it

Michael: WHAT HAPPENED??

Jeremy: I LITERALLY HAVE NO CLUE

MY BRAIN JUST DECIDED TO WITHHOLD THE SEROTONIN TODAY

I LOST MY SEROTONIN PRIVILEGES

--------------

Jeremy: I love youu

Michael: please don't kill yourself

Jeremy: what

Michael: the last time you showed any amount of affection to me without prompt you tried to perish

Jeremy: FUCK OFF LET ME BE NICE-

--------------

Michael:

HELP

ME

PLEASE

JEREMY

I BEG YOU

Jeremy: oh fuck what happened

Michael: RICH WONT STOP PLAYING THE FUCKING KAZOO

--------------

Michael: christineeee wake upppp

Christine: yeahhhh?

Michael: Jeremy's being manipulated againnnn

Christine: AGAIN?

Michael: AGAIN.

--------------

Rich: but why is it all like diagonal and shit?

Jeremy: why did my mother leave me at age six?

Rich: I.... slay I guess??

--------------

Jeremy: wait but rich isn't allowed to do that

Michael: oh no what will rich, the person we all know definitely follows all laws and rules do? How will he proceed?

--------------

Jake: isn't that the national animal

Rich: I thought that was Jeremy

Michael: no he's the national furry!

Rich: ohhh right!

--------------

Jeremy: :(

Michael: don't you dare.

Jeremy: D:

Michael: oh come on you know I can't take it when you send me sad emoticons like that

Jeremy: :[

--------------

Michael: I'm eating blue cheese out of a bowl how does this make you feel

Jeremy: ENJOY YOURE FUCKING M O L D

Michael: I am this is amazing mold

Jeremy: shudders

Michael: lovely mold 10/10

--------------

Jeremy: dude im so bored

Christine: hi so bored I'm Christine

Jeremy: well now I'm just bored and suicidal

--------------

Jeremy: i miss Michael i want Michael to come back I wanna put him in my pocket

Rich: Michael's gonna come back

Jeremy: i miss him

Brooke: we know.

----------

I'll probably do more of these later but I am so tired and I'm gonna go sleep now

[iwadori]

Haikyu boys when they take a joke/prank too far (Iwaizumi,Daichi)

Word count: 1.9K

Genre:angst,fluff

AN: In the spirit of April Fools I tried to make my first work based on that I hope you enjoy!! (LOL I can’t actually believe this was the first thing I’ve ever written)

Iwaizumi:

“Okay so it’s April Fools Day who are we going to prank?” asked Makki “One of the first years?”

“Do we have to prank someone this year..” replied Iwaizumi “so childish”

“Iwa-Chan!” Oikawa said “Don’t be such a spoil sport.”

“Anyways, it can’t be a first year they’re boring to prank a first year coach will be mad at us, we need someone else.”

Just then, you enter the gym, catching their eye as you approach the group sitting on Iwaizumi’s lap “Hey babe, I can still come over to yours to study right?” you ask.

“Yeah of course, practice finishes early so I'll be there before you.” He said

“Alright, see you then bye babe, bye guys” you said, giving Iwaizumi a kiss on the cheek sauntering off and waving at Makki, Mattsun and Oikawa.

“bye Y/N!” They teasingly responded in unison making you laugh.

As they watched you leave, it seemed as if a lightbulb pinged off in all of their heads (besides Iwaizumi) realizing who would be a great person to prank.  

After a lot of convincing, they finally got Iwaizumi in on the ‘harmless’ plan, all they needed to do now is wait on your arrival.

You’re finally done with school after a long and tiring day of exams upon exams and wanting nothing more than to cuddle with your boyfriend (after he teaches you Pythagoras theorem of course.) You did think he was acting weird when you met him this morning in the gym and throughout break and lunch but you just concluded that it was because he was having an ‘off’ day.

You reached his house and used a copy of his key that he gave you to enter we just enter houses up in this bitch  calling out his name “Zumi-babe, I'm here...”  

“Lets get this shit over with” you said tiredly

Upon entering, you notice none of the lights being on or curtains drawn ‘odd’ you think. You go upstairs going straight to his room hopefully to find your boyfriend in his bed or on his Xbox or something. To your surprise his bedroom door was somehow locked shut (even though not having a lock on his door anyways.) Suddenly, you hear creaks slowly trailing up the stairs and an eerie feeling surrounds you... now you start to feel pretty panicked jiggling the door handle to Iwaizumi’s door as it’s practically the only place you can go.

AN: I hate what I’m writing rn but onwards we right

The footsteps on the stairs start to quicken, and you almost certain that you felt something brush pass your shoulder only adding onto the panic and anxiety that you already feel. Ok, the footsteps on the stairs are basically right near you, so doing the only logical thing you can do you body slam the ‘person’ on the stairs as you motherfuckin should  as tears fill your eyes and you pick up bag bolting through the front door, slamming it shut now in full tears and shakingly scared.

You look behind you and see Iwaizumi’s front door re-open and out comes the ‘iNFaMouS sEiJOh fOuR’ in tears... of laughter. It seems that the boys were in laughing fits that their prank ‘payed off’ getting a reaction out of you. You couldn’t see Iwaizumi’s reaction, but you didn’t care you were hurt, annoyed and wanting to get into your bed.

Once you get home, you decide to block your so called ‘friends’ who decided to make you scared shitless and ignored Iwaizumi’s messages asking “where were you today”.... the AUDACITY.  

The next day, the boy’s seemed to realize the consequences of their actions after spending the whole day trying to get your attention only to be straight up ignored. Iwaizumi is immensely regretful after all his efforts to try talking to you were denied, he decided after his practice he was going to get you to talk to him or at least get you to listen to his apologies on what happened yesterday evening.

You left your clubroom and made your way to the school gate to go home.

“Y/N!” shouted Iwaizumi touching your shoulder making you flinch ‘wow did we really scare her that bad?”  

“What do you want iwa?” You asked very agitated

“Y/N I just want to apologize for yesterday, since it was April fools day and all the boys really wanted to prank someone and I-it just happened to be-”

“It just happened to be me. Right?” you interrupted “Gosh Iwaizumi, I was really scared.. I already had a tiring day and all I wanted was my boyfriend to teach me the stupid Pythagoras Theorem and cuddle me afterwards, but no you and your friends just had to be dicks for a day” you turn around planning to walk away before he grabs you again  

“Wait! Just wait y/n, im sorry and I wont ever prank you like that again” he pleaded

“.. and i’ll help you study?” he added pulling the sweetest face of all time to try and convince you  

“ugh, fine stop pulling that face... and you better teach me Pythagoras Theorem” you said rolling your eyes

“yeah yeah whatever you say y/n” he said pulling you under his arm and walking in the direction of his house.

A/N: WOW I DID NOT like the way this turned out but its my first official thing that I wrote hopefully HOPEFULLY MY WORK IMPROVES (I THINK IT WILL) SO please join me on this ‘ride’ in improving my work  

Daichi:

You decided this morning that you were NOT going to participate in your annual April Day Fool’s prank with Tanaka and Noya... only because of your not-so new boyfriend Daichi saying he didn’t need his teammates corrupting you any longer so you decided to not get involved. With that being said you wouldn’t even think of your boyfriend pulling a prank on you so you didn’t think you’re getting pranked today.

In the gym, the boys were doing the usual: Hinata and Kageyama running after eachother, Tanaka and Noya oogling Kiyoko, Tsukishima listening to music, Yama and Yachi going over club schedules whilst Daichi sat with Sugawara and Asahi.

“So are you pranking anyone today?” sugawara asked

“Pranking someone, isn’t that a bit too juvenile suga?” Asahi replied

“Not you silly, Daichi” said sugawara “With Y/N on his arm they always have to stay on eachothers toes right..she’s a ‘jokester’ right?”

“...right?” Daichi hadn’t thought of it that way, he did know of all your joking escapades before you even got together and how you still liked to joke around now as you date.. He didn’t want you to think that you thought he was too boring for you ?

“Ok. What type of prank should I pull on her..”

Daichi, Sugawara and Asahi (who didn’t really contribute to Suga’s scheming) made a plan for you to meet him at the gym locker with the claims that he had a ‘surprise’ for you .. oh how he was wrong.

Daichi: meet me at the gym locker I have something to show you  

Y/N: Ok!! I’ll be there in 5 minutes

Daichi was nervous, and that was an understatement he didn’t want things to go left and have you thinking he couldn’t even do a simple prank. Once you got there, he saw heard you talking to Sugawara and Asahi outside the door about him wondering where he was in which Suga told you inside the locker room.

“Hey babe” you greeted “what's the occasion in why we’re in here?”

“I...uh..um I need to get something one second” Daichi spoke quickly and rushed out the room closing the door leaving you confused. Minutes passed, and you were now impatient and kinda scared since the room was dusty, dark and cold definitely not your place to be in. You tried texting Daichi but just your luck you have no service ://  

As time went on you tried opening the door but it was jammed shut no hope opening at all you forgot you left your bag outside which of course had your inhaler which did not help the sudden shortness of breath you started to get because of your asthma and claustrophobia. All you wanted was to get out of this room and talk to … Daichi.

Daichi. How convenient that he manage to slip away before the door got closed hmm but he wouldn’t intentionally prank you after ALL the lectures he gave you about not doing pranks this year right?

You didn’t notice how you started to cry and whimper wanting to leave.

On the outside, Daichi heard your cries and ordered Sugawara and Asahi to find the key to immediately get you out which it seems to take a while because Daichi has now stopped hearing your tears making him gulp in fear thinking something bad has happened to you in there.

Sugawara comes to you handing Daichi the keys, his handing shaking as he tries to unlock the door when he eventually does he finds you passed out on the ground of the dusty storage room. Very cliché I know ://

You wake up in the Nurses Office a bit confused on how you got there until your eyes land upon Daichi, remembering how you locked you in the Storage room where you had an asthma attack and passed out. You turned your body away from Daichi not wanting to talk to him right now after the hypocrisy he did.

“Y/N.. Are you alright?” He asked

“Do I look alright?” You responded in a bored tone

“I am really sorry Y/N... I know what I said to you about not doing pranks this year but Sugawara roped me into this and I didn’t want you to think I was too boring for you so I thought doing this prank would make you see me in a different light” he said

“yeah i saw you in a different light alright” you sassed, you then realised what he said ‘too boring’ kind of feeling less mad and more sad that he feels this way “Dai, you’d never be to boring for me … you’re one of the most funness is that a word? guys I've ever met.”

“really?” he asked  

“Of course! I’m kind of still mad at you for letting this happen but I do sort of understand why” you said giving him a hug.

You were eventually cleared to go home and as you left the clinic you saw Asahi and Sugawara standing at the door.  

“Y/N WE’RE SORRY” they bowed to you waiting on your responses

You chuckled slightly at their cuteness and ruffled both of their hair “all is forgiven, just make sure there’s ‘pranks’ this year “

Which they agreed upon.  

A/N: WOW I DID NOT like the way these turned out but its my first official thing that I wrote hopefully HOPEFULLY MY WORK IMPROVES (I THINK IT WILL) SO please join me on this ‘ride’ in improving my work. Feedback is VERY MUCH APPRECIATED and request too since I will literally write whatever...

I may do a part 2 … any particular characters people want?

[hollowedwing]

Isekai-ed into Hawk's Life

Hawks x gn!winged!Reader

Warnings: ⚠️ Death!(at very beginning, it is an isekai), mentions of death throughout, some angst(??maybe not yet??), slight cursing

THIS WILL NOT FOLLOW A SPECIFIC TIMELINE IN THE MANGA

(so sorry i just, love, love, the idea of having wings)

(this is all my art, it is on IG, im just too embarrassed for people who know me irl to potentially find this xD Even though none of them have tumblr 👀 if you somehow recognize it...props to you?)

_________________________________

tbh, I can’t decide if I want this to have more than 1 part. 

Word count: ~1,800

_________________________________

You were on your way home from a long evening at your part time job. Before that you had already taken 2 finals that morning too.

You dragged your feet, exhausted, as you headed towards the crosswalk. Stopping at the edge as the traffic light turned green, you decided to pull out your phone and decided to watch a speed paint from your favorite artist who recently released a new video.

It just so happened it was a Hawks speed paint 👀

The light turned red and you slipped your phone into your pocket as your started to make your way across the street

little did you know this would be the last time you'd cross the street

A wild driver came barreling down the road, no regards for civilians or traffic lights, probably drunk or high or just someone out for blood.

You stood there like a deer caught in headlights as your life flashes before your eyes

You can barely comprehend what's happening as you felt pain engulf your body and suddenly you were unconscious

________________________________________

Keigo tiredly stumbled into his large apartment, kicking off his shoes and shrugging his jacket off by the door

He wants nothing more than to just flop down and pass out. The HPSC has been giving him hell lately about god knows what.

He let out a long sigh and headed towards the bathroom to do his nightly routine

As he finishes up, he drags his feet towards his bed and flops down face first into the comfort of his pillow and sheets

Keigo falls asleep almost instantly after getting into a comfortable position, worn out from a long day of work

What he wasn't expecting was a loud "thud!" coming from the main room. He jolts up from his bed, feathers ready to attack.

*******

Reader's pov(?)

*******

You groaned as you hit the floor. Your head was spinning and it feels like a truck just hit you

oh wait...

You suddenly became more alert, looking around in a panic, expecting to either be on the road and injured or in a hospital of sorts. What you didn't expect was a wooden floor inside of a random apartment.

You felt around your body for any signs of injury, but all you found were a set of wings on your back- wings?? Hold up. Why did you feel wings what kind of sick joke was this?

Your thoughts were racing as your breathing picked up. What was happening? Didn't you just get hit by a vehicle? Why are there wings in your back? Where are you even?

Feeling around in your pockets, you found your phone and whipped it out, trying for anything. You turned it on, the harsh light of it illuminating your face, you tried to send a text to your best friend, but alas, it wouldn't go through. Actually nothing on your phone seemed to work. You checked your location settings, for some reason it said Musutafu, Japan.

Wasn't....Wasn't that the location that most of Boku no Hero Academia took place?? This can't be right, this has to be a dream right? There's no way that you could have actually ended up here unless...

Then it hit you.

You read your fair share of isekai series back when you were alive in your realm. Mostly manhwas of characters getting reborn into another person's body, but, never actually reincarnating as yourself into another world.

That was the only thing you could think of. You must have been reincarnated into the Boku no Hero Academia world. Except as yourself.

In all honesty, this is not how you thought you'd go out. You didn't know what to expect after death, but this definitely wasn't it. After all, this was a fictional setting, wasn't it?

Well, not anymore because now you're living in it! Smh.

That would also probably explain the wings on your back. This was you now. You have a bird quirk.

Now, all you have to do, is figure out where the heck you are.

Just as you are about to stand up, feathers zip towards you, pinning you to the ground

You hear footsteps begin to come towards you. You don't know if you should be scared for your life considering you've already died once or ecstatic because, you knew for a fact, this could be none other than Hawks' apartment.

The winged hero finally emerges and stares down at you, crossing his arms over his chest.

He says in a low, gravely voice from sleep, "Who are you, and how did you get into my home?" You stare back up at him and nervously chuckle.

"I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you." You nervously sigh out.

"Try me." He demands, sounding a little more irritated now. You sigh in defeat and start to explain your situation.

"Do...do you know what an isekai is?" You said sheepishly while turning your gaze away from his. He kind of gave you a confused head tilt and just a vibe that said “No”. You sigh again and explain it to the best of your ability. Hawks becomes more and more interested and confused as you talk, but nods a long slowly. 

“So...you were reborn here, but as yourself? Wait- does that mean you died before!?” He asked, disbelief and fear ran through his eyes. You looked at him in bitter amusement.

“Apparently I did. The last thing I remember of my world was getting hit by some truck or car. The dude clearly did not know how to drive. I had the right of way I was pretty sure at least. I mean, the light was red, usually that means pedestrians can cross the street? And plus he was going wayyy over the speed limit,” you begin to ramble on, the reality of actually dying setting into you. Hawks noticed the panic beginning to set into you and released you from his feathers. He crouched down next to you and grabbed your shoulders gently.

"Hey, hey, hey, look at me, you're ok now, right? You're here, and not dying in the middle of the street still. You're here. In Musutafu," he said trying to calm you back to reality. Well, what was your new reality. Your mind was racing. Trying to put together a coherent thought. 

You look up to him, with a panicked look still in your eyes, thoughts started to come out of your mouth as your brain was trying to catch up with the situation. "I'm... I'm in Boku no Hero Academia and, and you’re Keigo... standing... right in front of me..I have wings. I have wings? Jeezus I have fucking wings. And I’m dead in my own world. I don’t know anyone, well, wait, technically, I do know people, just-Oh gods! I’m so sorry, that name slipped out! I- I, I’m really sorry Hawks." Even in your wild state, you noticed Hawks tense up at the sound of being called Keigo by a total stranger, and were able to get out an apology. That was progress? You were slowly coming back to reality.

Hawks froze up a bit at the sound of hearing his real name mentioned. At first he wasn't sure if he believed your tale of the isekai situation, but after this he might have to reconsider it. He opted to shake off that weird feeling for now and focus on different matters. 

" I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do now? I have nowhere to go or to stay. I'm in a whole different freaking universe! My phone doesn't even hardly work here. And I have a pair of wings on my back!" You puffed them out angrily. Hawks glanced behind you and his eyes widened a little. You in fact, did have a set of bird wings. Kind of owl like wings. Not near as big as Hawks', but definitely big enough to fly you around.

Before Hawks could process the words coming out of his mouth, he was already asking you, "Would you maybe like to stay with me? I can help with your quirk too." He glanced away awkwardly. You looked towards him in disbelief.

"Dude, are you sure? We literally just met like 10 minutes ago? I mean, I'm all for it, I have nowhere else to turn to, but if you really really don't want me here, I will politely step out of your life." You so badly wanted to accept his offer on the spot, but being the considerate, mostly sensible human you were, you gave him the option to back out. Hawks shook his head.

"No, no, it's alright. You can crash here. Uh- I mean- stay here! Sorry!" You giggled at his comment.

"Well thank you very much!"

"It's all good. I have a spare bedroom you can occupy for the time being. I'll give you some clothes to sleep in that'll hopefully fit. Accidentally bought a couple things in the wrong size without looking. " (a/n: just...just assume its your size, or oversized, whatever's comfy idk) He jumped up and headed towards his room to grab you the clothes. You still sat on the floor. Still amazed at everything that was occurring.

Hawks walked back into the room and tossed you the clothes. "Hey uh, you know, you can get up now, sorry for holding you down earlier.."

You blushed and scrambled to stand up, "Oh no! It's ok! I understand. This would definitely warrant that kind of action. Some random stranger crashes into your apartment at like 1am. I completely understand. Honest."

He let out a small laugh and wearily brushed his fingers through his hair. The adrenaline of everything finally wearing off. He could feel the tiredness setting into his aching muscles again. “Ah, well, I’m going to head to bed now. The room is down the hall at the very end that you can stay in. I’ll take you out training tomorrow evening if that’s alright?”

You gave a nod of understanding and followed him down the hallway. “Goodnight Hawks,” you sang as he walked into his bedroom. He gave a hum of acknowledgment and closed his door. 

Making it into what was now your room, you changed out of your clothes so fast, eager to rid yourself of the past hours events. 

Not gonna lie, you could not figure out how to properly get your new wings into the shirt, even with the holes and snaps in the back. Your mind was too exhausted to even process this new skill. So you ended up going to bed without the shirt on and just settled for putting the sweatpants on. 

You figured it’d be good to just pass out asap. You were sure if you tried to recount the recent events, you’d spiral into a panicked mess. 

You shut your eyes tightly, willing yourself to sleep, trying to only think of positive outcomes for the future. But to be honest, you didn’t know enough about anything in this realm to think rationally about anything good. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I prooobably didn’t proofread this as much as I should have

[justarcadefire]

When you are younger time slips away too slowly. But as when you get older, it feels like the clock starts ticking way faster than before. When Everything Now came out I had this arrogant feeling of having everything under control, everything back then made sense: I was in a relationship, living by my own, with this freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I wanted… Or at least it felt like that. (Stop pretending you got EN… I should have listen)

As 2017 came to an end, I lived through this catharsis: I attended to my second and third Arcade Fire concert, and one week later my 6 year relationship ended. 2018, I had to come back to my parents place and face one of the most depressive/pathetic years of my life. I made terrible choices, I was drunk like every weekend and one time I almost got killed by three thiefs whom putted a gun to my head, How the hell I am still alive? I don't know.

2019 wasn't different at all, I had this urge to feel loved again and despite having 'friends' I think I've never feel more alone like those days. Back in 2014 when I had my first panick attack, I was diagnosed with anxiety and OCD. Since then I managed to live with it, with ups and downs, struggling to find a way to enjoy most of the things I used to love. I never accomplished at all, but I tried my best. So, the pandemic hitted and we all know what we went through those horrible times. As a result my mental health went downhill even worse than before.

Why am I writting this? Im not sure at all, besides I don't even know if there's still someone around here who's gonna read this. But as WE day is here, I felt this urge to put my feelings and thoughts in here, just like the old times.

These 5 years have left deep scars into my heart, soul and mind. I still have this horrible need to feel/be loved/loveable, most of the time I have no idea of what am I doing with my life felling like I'm wasting my precious time around here, I'm still struggling with anxiety, insecurities and yes, I still feel lonely/lost as fuck. Somedays are better than others, often the best I can do is to cry until I fall asleep and wait for a better day to start. But I'm still going, I'm still trying…

I'm not sure If I am a better person than my younger self in 2017, but now I'm surely do know certain things about me, about what I want and I don't in my life, about the things I'm looking for and the things I hope to find one day, once again.

Here's what I've learned so far: Don't take anything or someone for granted ever, not even yourself. Because you are gonna change, always. That's the only constant in life. Time moves only forward. Don't expect anyone to save you from your shit, or to face the consequences of what you have made… that's up to you, no one else. Besides, nobody deserves to pay for something they didn't have to do with it at all.

That little voice inside your head telling you that you are not good enough, or you are a mistake? Guess what? WE are enough, WE are not a mistake, WE are just lost and afraid. WHO ISN'T? Remember: WE only have ourselves, WE are our strongest shelter, WE are the only ones capable of defeating our monsters, WE must embrace our shadows and make amends with them in order to keep going, that's the only way WE could get through this without going insane. Take a deep breath: WE will be okay. No one is perfect, read that again: No one.

More than a random text, this feels like a letter to my younger self (or future(?)). Oh man, If that poor guy would've know what he was approaching to, he will probably shitted his pants before freaked out and losed his mind.

Wherever/Whoever you are, yes, you; I just want to tell you how immensely proud I am of you. No matter how bad the weather looks, keep going, don't give up because it's just a matter of time till WE meet again.

Happy WE day everyone.

Ps. Sorry for not being up to date with the blog and everything, as you can imagine I'm not been doing well but as the new era is here I'm going to try my best to keep you updated. Thx for reading me and your support over the years. <3

[uhhhhhhhhhsblogyea]

♤| dragon ball shapeshifter au

storyline rundown

part two

tw: profanity !! a bit of gore and such

the story begins on kakarot's farm! he lives with his parents, bardock and gine, and his brother raditz.

kakarot takes his produce to the market to sell, talking to krillin who is a police officer watching over in case of robbery or stolen goods, with his wife 18 and his daughter marron.

he hangs out there and sells all his produce, making a whopping amount of money to give back to his mother to go towards their farm. so thats what he does.

later that night, raditz barged in through the door, huffing loudly and covered in purple blood. it had a reddish tint. gine and bardock jump to their feet, bardock still in his training gi and gine in her white shirt and some sweatpants. "raditz!? what happened?" bardock exclaimed, gine following up with "why are you covered in... purple blood!?" this caused kakarot to come out of his room in a rush, "h-h-holy s-shit! i didnt kill anyone i swear mom, mom, dad please, i wouldn't do that!" raditz panicked. "s-something tried to attack me! i didnt know what to do so i attacked back!!" he tries to wipe the blood off, it being on his face.

whatever happened, scared raditz enough to make him shake in fear and what seems to be regret despite it being to protect himself.

kakarot however, still was unsure what happened. his father said he would explain in the morning, the situation was too dire for kakarot to get involved - especially with the police.

in town, vegeta covered his bloodied chest, panting as he hid deep in an alleyway. "goddammit," he huffs, slicking his hair back to keep the human bangs out of his face. hes got a huge gash across his chest, thanks to that damned raditz he happened to work with. luckily, he was morphed into some other alien lifeform and not his original shift state. he slowly morphed into a bird, a finch, and flew off to him apartment. he always kept his window cracked just in case this were to happen. just his luck, we wont be able to eat and to heal he needs that energy for food or else hell be out asleep for awhile.

he decides calling off work, so thats what he does. what he doesnt expect is a man with a thick ass fucking tail and slicked back purple hair and red eyes to be reading a book, lounging like a king on his bed. "f... frieza!?" vegeta says, startled.

"ah hello my creation! lovely seeing you here, dont you think?" he throws the book off to the side, getting up and striding over to the bloodied vegeta. "aw looks like you got a paper cut." he jabs a finger into vegetas cut across his chest. vegeta groans in pain, a tentacle whipping around to hit frieza away into a safer distance, but the icejin blocks smoothly with his muscled tail.

from here:

wow!! you found out vegeta is a "creation" of friezas, but what exactly does that mean?

raditz gets taken in for questioning. he gets blamed for a murder that happened on the otherside of town, the law system being dumb sentenced him to 25 years in prision for a murder he didnt do

kakarot is confused, bardock telling him there arent any alien threats and it was a misunderstanding on the jury and judge's parts bc raditz was getting mugged and a murder far away happened at roughly the same time, and they were desperate to throw someone into jail.

this is a lie, to some extent. kakarot believes it, living happily thinking there are no threats

vegeta attacked raditz, needing food. shapeshifters need to eat hearts and lungs of animals as food

raditz is the one who cut him across the chest (thatd why he has a scar on his chest in the ref sheet)

kakarot has to bring crops and milk into a market farther into town sometime in the next week, it being an event ran by capsule corp, a company that produces a lot of housing and vehicles and being in business for 40 years being the anniversary that day.

vegeta is a mechanical manager, wearing fancy clothing that day since its technically a high spot in the ranks for capsule corp.

vegeta likes milk, surprisingly. it helps a lot when recovering damage, especially his species. this is when he meets kakarot

kakarot is running his stand with the crates of crops and glass jars of milk set out on display with their price, krillin with him

vegeta is annoyed he has to speak up to get the seller's attention so he grunts with an "ahem"

kakarot jumps, apologizing and asking what he wants to buy. vegeta gets his milk and some vegetables for someone he knows

"hey, whats with the fancy suit?"

"you dont know who i am?"

"no. should i?"

"i-? im vegeta! im manager of the mechanics in capsule corp!"

"oh. is the job hard?"

they conversate, as kakarot sells his produce happily listening as he was able to get the short man with a temper to talk about his job.

vegeta himself was caught off guard by this action but happily talks

this ends in kakarot running behing the stand's curtain and grabbing his business card so vegeta can have a discount on milk next time he decides to buy

vegeta takes the card walking off

the card has kakarots name and number on the back, a message saying "text me personally if you want extra, i dont mind taking some. you seem cool!"

vegeta is a bit ticked, but pockets the card

over time, vegeta and kakarot talk over text a bit, kakarot delivering him milk like an old time milk delivery boy

turns out he actually used to be one as a kid

turns out hes been into marial arts as well, a long time interest of vegetas

they bond over this, kakarot find himself growing a crush on vegeta

one time kakarot stops buy with a delivery unannounced, not knowing he typed the text but didnt send it. he knocks on vegetas apartment door, but no answer.

he checks to see if its unlocked, and it is so he lets himself in, just wanting to put the delivery on the counter and head out.

he doesnt expect to turn around and see a vegeta with a towel wrapped around his waist, tentacles coming out of his back, green eyes, and sharp ears, teeth, and claws. "K-KAKAROT!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" he yells, surprised. he doesn't have bangs either

"why do you have tentacles?? why do you look different? why do you have that scar?"

vegeta is caught off guard, not sure if he should push kakarot out or tell him the truth. one way or another he knows the truth will spread, so he carefully debates his options

he tells kakarot the truth, hes a shapeshifter and hes insanely dangerous

kakarot is surprised dangerous aliens exist

he tells vegeta this, and deep down vegeta is mad kakarot is sheltered

little do they know as they conversate and bond, growing closer to each other kakarot finds out vegeta made a vow not to ever get in a relationship no matter how much he envied them, especially a human relationship, a certain someone is watching them and listening in, theyre keeping tabs on vegetas and kakarots feelings

trust issues amirite?

later that night, kakarot says his goodbye heading home, heart pounding. wow!!!! vegeta is... great. very great. kinda cute too, i mean what!?? no!!

kakarot rants to himself aloud in his room, window open to keep himself cool, about vegeta as he debates his feelings. he doesnt care if this seems out of character in his friends terms, all they see from him anyway is a dense fightcrazed guy with a dysfunctional relationship with an ex and his son. he realized vegeta doesnt see him like that, but, what DOES vegeta see him as?

he calls it a night

he wakes up to a "thwap, thwap, thwap" against his wooden floor

he sits up, looking around and seeing a short figure sitting at his desk.

"whos there?"

"ah, youre awake monkey! i have valuable information for you, about your lovely vegeta." the voice is squeaky

"and, who is telling me this?" kakarots interest is piqued, not seeing the mysterious figure as a threat, as of now at least

"oh-hohoho! im dr. cold! but please, call me frieza. doctor cold is my father's name."

"and what do you have to tell me about vegeta?"

"mmm, are you sure you want to know?" he gets up, beginning to pace

"theres a catch isnt there" kakarot realizes, serious

"oh! maybe you arent so dense afterall. yes, there iss monkey. its simple, deliever some of your left over crop to my facility tomorrow, i already left the address on a paper over on that... pitiful little desk of yours." frieza pauses. "vegeta will kill you if you arent careful. hes hungry, and he wants that heart. but... i think the poor creation wants it in more than one way. kill him before he kills you."

frieza hands kakarot a box cutter

"thats the only thing that will kill him. if you dont do it i expect that delivery tomorrow by midnight. if you dont show, and theres no news of him being dead, youll be a brilliant collection to my creations, monkey!" the man laughs in joy, clasping his hands together as his red eyes pierce through kakarot

kakarot reluctantly agrees, unsure how this will play out

PART TWO WILL BE MADE SOON!!!

anyway heres the part 1 of the rundown.

[jesus-christ-super-ace]

Self indulgent Haikyuu x debate!reader hcs because debate season is over and i suddenly have nothing to do

A/n: Idk the type of debate that they do in Japan so I'm gonna use the PF debate structure. (I heard about parlament style debate in Korea, I watched a video and it scared the fuck out of me) Also I don't know how to do the whole read more thing on mobile tumblr so ✨yikes✨

Characters: Hinata, Sugawara,

Warnings: Swearing, caps, mentions of death

Hinata

He has no idea what debate is, his thoughts only consists of volleyball and meat so when you bring up being on the debate team to him he's just kinda "👁👄👁 what's debate like?"

Since debate is hard to explain you decide to bring him along to one of your debate practices to watch.

A quick explanation of public forum (pf) debate: two teams of two take a pro and con stance on a resolution. (Example: Resolved: Sugawara is not the mom friend) Debaters work in pairs to make a pro and con case that they will present at their debate, for PF they usually have a month to prep their case. The case will usually be written in the style of an essay and will be read out as a speech to begin the debate. Debaters work in pairs so there's a speaker one and speaker two. Speaker one is in charge of laying out the topic and what grounds the team wins the debate on, and speaker two dishes out most of the arguments against the other sides. (Kind of like speaker one is defense while speaker two is offense) Basically pro gives their opening speech, con gives their opening speech, and the they ask each other questions and try to degrade the other side's case. Then the speaker twos give speeches on why their speaker one did better, then they butt heads. After that comes the speaker ones saying why they won, and finally comes the ultimate showdown, the final crossfire. The final crossfire is essentially just a big cat fight where we yell each other about morals. (Sorry Amanda but murder is worse than kidnapping 🙄) Then the speaker twos give a speech about why they're better. Your fate relies on the judge who has no idea what they're doing.

Did you get all of that? You probably didn't. TLDR: Four children scream about why their moral compass is better for about one hour.

You try to explain it to Hinata in volleyball terms and it's ✨hard✨

"Okay so the speaker one is kinda like the setter, they set up the attack on the other side by controlling the grounds that they win on-"

"But controlling the grounds is what Noya does-"

"Hinata it's a metaphor"

"What's a metaphor?"

😃 why

So you decide to bring him to your practice debates, during a normal debate you move around from classroom to classroom debating other kids from other schools carrying your case in a big ass box in stuffy casual formal wear at like 8 in the morning.

Practice debates are a lot chiller and there's a lot less yelling.

You were judging debates that day while the gym was having an inspection so he tagged along with you to watch the debates. He kinda gets lost after the con speech and you're like "yeah it can be like that sometimes".

He admires you for being able to do the whole debate thing (and win)

Since the winners of any debate comp are decided by judges (who usually have no experience) most teams value process over result. Even if you debate better they can still pick the other team because of a dumb reason like them liking the other team's shirt.

After every debate he takes you out to get snacks at Ukai's store, and he lets you rant about whatever unfair judge caused you to loose.

"oKAY BUT LIKE I TOTALLY WON, THE OTHER TEAM DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THEIR CASE TOGETHER" he just kinda smiles and nods, he doesn't get your debate terms but he still hypes you up

He makes sure to text you before he sleeps reminding you to not stay up too late researching your case.

Smth like 'i'm going to bed now :) pls don't stay up too late' smh hypocrite, he probably stays up till like 3 thinking abt becoming the tiny giant

One time your debate clothes (black dress pants, white dress shirt, blazer) got dirty and so did your school uniform so he gave you his clothes. He's kinda small so it's a tight fit but it works.

HE BRAGS ABOUT YOU TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE

"hEy look at my super smart s/o who does dEBATE!"

"we know y/n does debate"

Best ray of sunshine 🥺

Suga

ohohoho,,, im a certified suga simp

Now we all know that Suga is pretty smart, he's not a super genius or anything but he's got good grades and he can probably manage his time.

Which means that he's good at helping your research and revise your case. Whenever you can't come up with any contentions he's always there to help you come up with some.

"Kōshi what're the benefits of the urbanization of West Africa?" (I can't find anything on the debate topics in Japan so I'm using stuff from my previous debates)

"Lessening of poverty, standards of health can be raised, and it benefits the world."

HES PERFECT OK

He's probably even joined you for a debate once when your partner couldn't make it to the competition, he makes a pretty good speaker one but he's definitely a speaker two.

His framework for every case is just 🤌🤌🤌

Research dates with him are just 🥺

You guys are sprawled out on his bed just scrolling through resources trying to put together a case.

You go to all of his games and he goes to support you during your debates. Before every speech you give he sends you a small thumbs up to boost your spirits.

He's super observant and can tell when the judge is full of shit.

Tbh if the other team wins because the judge was stupid even though you

He's too good for us smh

Yachi

PLS

YACHI I LOVE HER

okokok

here's the thing with yachi, she's great at writing cases and she'd honestly be a good asset to the team however,,,

she can't do public speaking for shit

so she cheers you on from the sidelines and helps you out with your case

she can't really do public speaking herself because of her nerves but she knows how to convince an audience so she lets you practice her speeches

she once volunteered to help the team for a mock debate by subbing in for someone who couldn't make practice that day due to getting sick, she got scared during her speech and panicked.

weekly study dates are a must, whether it be for debate or just school in general weekly study dates at a local café or at a library

she brought hinata and yams to watch you debate once and now they're both scared of you (look final crossfire is scary as hell)

i think she'd be a (slightly less than) decent cook bUT she's good at baking, so she always offers to stop by before practice to drop off snacks

the team loves her and half of them join the yachi protection squad (started by noya and tanaka probably)

im just v 🥺🥺🥺 rn lmao

a/n,,, lmao i havent written in a while, if u need a better explanation of how debate works then feel free to ask !