#so im either gonna get the worst birthday gift ever or the best birthday gift ever depending on how well i did on exams

[strawberry-pretzels]

blegh it's my birthday tomorrow. yaaaaay im gonna b 8 years old 😍

[urf1lterr]

lovesick | pedro pascal [1]

"and on this night and in this light i think im falling, im falling for you."

next chapter: [2] series masterlist

summary: in which a 1975-obsessed film student accidentally falls in love with an older man she can't have.

pairing: actor!pedro x intern!reader

genre: acting world!au, big age-gap!, strangers to friends- maybe lovers?? au | angst, mature, awkward, love- eventually

word count: 7.4k

status: in progress

author's note: this was supposed to only be an introduction but i ended up with a chapter lol. im sorry if its lame, i wrote this half asleep and for fun. not edited btw

"So like...are we gonna keep staring at the door or do you mind if I open it and walk inside?"

Swiftly turning your neck, you glared at your friend who was patiently waiting for your reply- probably begging on the inside to go in by how badly cold it was outside on this tuesday, new york morning.

"Just go inside by yourself!" you rolled your eyes as she shook her head.

"Uh no, for one- I can't let you be out here alone, some man could just push you in a van and sell you to the black market," Jules declared. "then I would lose one birthday gift from you-"

"I will push you in the van myself if you keep talking," you groaned, her constant rambling within the hours making your nerves worsen.

Today was the day Jules, your best friend, and you began your internship on a film set. Actually, it was yesterday, but nobody really counts the short orientation and hours of reading rules and responsibilities a real productive work day, right?

If having the worst anxiety wasn't enough, you were blessed to have been given an amazing coping mechanism of meditation- in which would've been fine with if you didn't look like a complete idiot standing up with your eyes wide open breathing slowly.

But to be fair, this really was your first day on the job. You didn't know what to expect and your friend wasn't exactly a helping hand in these situations. As she was more confident and outgoing, there you were being an introverted, awkward female with amazing music taste- that is you ever felt comfortable to let people hear your music outside of your headphones.

"I don't get just why you have to pray while staring at the door as if you wanna stare into its soul, you look weird," Jules whined, placing her hand over her eyes. "We have to be at Finn's office in 10 minutes or else we're dead."

"Fine," you huff, grabbing your bag you had placed on the floor beforehand onto your shoulder. "Let's go."

Excitedly clapping her hands together, she swung the door open before dragging you down the hall of the room towards the elevators. The two of you had to meet at a studio on the other side of the city for this internship in which wouldn't be a problem if you enjoyed traffic and the crowds of people on the street- but you didn't.

Not only did you have to take the subway and a cab one hour before your schedule 8am start, you had to deal with the troubles of waking up your night owl roommate, Jules again, without slapping her silly by how strong her eyes stay shut.

After getting off the elevators and walking closer to his office, you recognized a couple of the other interns standing around his door looking either extremely nervous, tired- or both.

Suddenly, the door opened and Finn, the man who hired you, jumped out with a bright smile.

It's way too early to be this energetic.

"How is everyone doing on this lovely, working morning?" Finn smiled, making sure to make eye-contact with every single person in the hall before continuing on with his dialogue. "I'll take this silence as a way you all express your gratitude to be able to work on a live set."

With the ongoing silence still occurring, Finn continued with, "please follow me to the room next door, that's where we'll discuss minor details before heading towards the stages."

The minor details were simple, don't screw up.

There was also little insights on what we should be prepared for- taking care of the cast and errands as the day went on.

I suppose experience is what is needed for your future so it shouldn't be a surprise that you wouldn't be around a camera for too long. But it was mentioned that overtime you would accelerate your learning to harder tasks such as on-hands work, which you were terrified over but within time you would get over it.

You had to, this was a part of your dream job after all.

The group was informed more about the project we had to assist, some new show coming out called 'The Last of Us.' To be honest, you weren't familiar with it. Some of the guys in the group threw in their input that they played the game, but you didn't know it was also a combined franchise.

You weren't exactly a gamer or horror film person.

It hadn't even come to your mind that you would be interacting with real-life celebrities until you made near a stage and felt Jules grip your wrist hard and start tugging on it to get your attention as she tried to quiet her fan girl squeals.

Looking up, you saw a group of people walking through a set with papers in their hand, laughing and chatting with one another. Truth be told, you didn't recognize any of them. Maybe you should have done more research regarding this show you know nothing about- but you heard some successful directors had openings for extra help and immediately called your friend to join with.

"Is it bad that I don't recognize any of these people?" you whisper to Jules as she screeches in low volume, shocked that you would dare say that.

"You're joking right?!" she whispers with a high-pitched voice. "Everybody knows them! They are-"

"Is that him?" you heard a girl whisper from your group, Jules stopping her almost-started rant from it. "He really is daddy."

"What the fuck?" you heard one of the guy interns whisper in confusion, looking at her as if she was delusional as she waved her hand to him to not distract her from her view.

You weren't sure who she was talking about and you really didn't want to know. She probably had some silly crush on one of the actors which would just distract her from her job, it isn't worth it.

"Yo man, why is there a line of people looking like they are held at gunpoint?" one person laughed, pointing at your group as you tried to hold back your laughter.

You were assuming the people around you guys were majority of the cast as nobody else but the camera and makeup crew were present in the room. Surprisingly enough, even after seeing them closer you still couldn't figure out who any of these actors were.

Were you really that outdated in the films you watched?

"Way to introduce yourself, Gabriel," Finn replied, giving a pat on his back before turning back to the group. "These are the new interns because you know, you guys made the last ones quit."

"Uh no I didn't, that was all Nick!" you heard a small child gasp, pointing at an older looking man. He looked a little familiar but you couldn't wrap your head around it. "He made them pick up his food orders all the way across town everyday!"

The familiar-looking man had longer hair than most of the men around. "I would've done delivery if that was an option!" The man complained, making the girl scoff in return.

Hold on, you knew that voice. You grew up with that voice.

"Wait, I do know somebody, that's Ron Swanson" you gasped, completely forgetting how loud and clear you were in your surroundings by how fazed out you were to be a few feet away from a comedic legend.

You didn't know all eyes were on you until you felt Jules heavy weight of her shoulders hit yours as she hid her face in embarrassment from your last statement causing you to look up. Everybody tried holding back their giggles as Nick just smiled proudly.

Great, you just exposed how you didn't know them in front of them. Not mortifying at all.

"Funny and smart for knowing me, I like her already," you heard Nick proudly declare, turning to Finn with a firm nod. "You better not fire her."

Feeling your face getting hotter by the second, you wished you could just hide under a blanket and stay in there forever if it meant you never had to embarrass yourself like that again. This probably looked so disreputable on your part.

"And what might this oblivious, tomato be named?" you heard a man curiously question, getting your attention by his big framed glasses on his face.

Did he just call you a fruit?

"Be nice, you're intimidating them. It's like a new fish in a big pond," an older woman responded after, trying to bring some extra comfort into the room but it was too late- you were traumatized.

"Okay, okay," the man held up his hand in defense before turning to look at you straight in the eye. "What might this unaware, cherry tomato be named? That sounds cuter."

"Uh, y/n," you awkwardly stated, holding your hands together while terribly trying to defend yourself. "And it's totally not like I didn't recognize the rest of you!" you lie, pointing at a random person next to him before speaking up again, "you're in that one brilliant movie that was so good!"

The man sheepishly smiled at you before saying, "I am just one of the cameramen, but thank you. I do get told quite a bit that I look like Brad Pitt." And that was the moment you wanted to die inside.

That's it, you're never coming back here again. You've made a fool out of yourself.

"Stop talking," you heard your friend hiss before taking a step forward to help lessen the attention on you. "I am Jules. Not fashionable like the one from Euphoria, but still very friendly and fun."

The cast all waved at her from her radiating charm that could make anyone adore her. "Thank you, Jules who isn't from Euphoria, why don't everyone else introduce themselves."

After everyone had their time to shine, you were excused for a small break as rehearsal had yet to start. You weren't complaining, you would rather be out getting coffee on the other side of town if that meant you could avoid the actors and directors at all times.

Sitting on one of the break room's couches, you felt Jules jump next to you before hitting your shoulder rapidly. "I think that one girl intern hates you!"

Trying hard to remove her fast hands off you, you gave her a confused look. "Uh why? Was it because I embarrassed us?"

There couldn't be any other reason why she might dislike you, it's not like you knew her personally or had ever met her before the last few days.

"I mean Pedro did call you cute minutes after she called him 'daddy', what do you expect?" She giggled as you gave her a disgusted glance at the last term she used. Why would she call him that and feel comfortable saying it so freely? "She's in loveeee with him."

Pedro? So that was his name.

"First of all, he doesn't think I'm cute. The name 'cherry tomato' was cute rather than a hillbilly tomato," you defended, making her scrunch her face in confusion by your nonsense. "Second, there's no way a normal woman would be that upset over one small indirect comment not made in that way."

Jules rolled her eyes by how understanding you weren't being, it annoyed her even more how oblivious- like the man had said, you were being. "He called you a cherry tomato because it has an adorable ring to it for a cute person! Therefore, he finds you pretty- end of story."

"I am beginning to think you really are delusional."

"All I am saying is be careful," she whispers seriously. "She's young and I know a lot of people who obsess over him for his looks."

"Why? He's like in his 40s-"

"Daddy issues? Gray facial hair? I have no clue what people enjoy on their free time," Jules cut you off, shrugging while you snickered. Like you never heard that excuse before.

"Can we check out the set though? I'm feeling better and want to be out there to prove how unaffected I am from earlier- but I will be hiding behind your back."

"As always," she sang, following you out the door back to the main room.

Walking out, you were determined to stay focused and think before you said something silly- which was hard. Your whole life you've always been a little dumb when reading the environment, that's not gonna change within a few minutes.

Looking through the racks of costumes, tables filled with devices you had never seen before, and cameras that were bigger than yourself, one of the interns, Joon, came up to Jules and you to inform that it was time to actually 'work.'

"Damn, I kinda liked just walking around and doing nothing but stare at the lights. Now we have to get our hands dirty for minimum wage," Jules sighed as the two of you walked in front of one of the stages.

The stage was practically empty, only a few white walls installed and chairs scattered around.

After a few minutes of hearing one of the lead director's assistant discuss the plan of going over a few scenes, it came to your realization that this was only a rehearsal.

It made sense, this building wasn't necessarily a 'survival mode" vibe. Maybe a few indoor scenes would do the job, but it wouldn't be enough for the series.

"I want you to run along with Kendall to grab some snacks, go around the room and see what we're missing and restock!" Finn brightly smiled to Jules before turning to you. "Now, what should I do with you?"

Man, you wished you could replace Kendall right now because now you were alone

"She can help me with the makeup," a lady spoke up from a few feet away. She was a very tall, black-haired woman with a few facial piercings who looked like she was in her middle 20s. "We still need to practice to see how it'll look on the screen this week"

Finn looked at you and back at her before shrugging and nodding. "Works for me." He was already walking away before he turned back around, "but don't let her apply too much, I don't want them looking caked up in front of the camera." Lightly scoffing, you made your way to the girl as he walked away.

Standing there in discomfort, you waited for her to lead you in any type of direction to make this task go by quicker. Makeup was not your thing, or at least when it came to doing someone else's.

"I'm Violet, by the way," the girl smiled kindly at you as she handed you a black apron. "You must be y/n."

Taking the apron, you opened it to find in white writing 'TLOU Crew.' "How'd you know? Did me not knowing the cast spread that fast "

Giggling, she shook her head. "Yes and no," she grabbed one of her many make up bags and began looking through it. "Your name tag."

Looking down, you forgot they had written your name on the sticker during the short-lived meeting with Finn. Redness filled your face as you averted your eyes somewhere else, too embarrassed to make eye-contact.

"Anywho," Violet chuckled while putting one hand on her hip. "I thought maybe I could do my normal routine while you can just do the small stuff like brush their eyebrows or hair."

Squinting your eyes, you just gave her a confused look. "Brush their eyebrows? Work with their hair? Isn't the eyebrows fairly too easy for you to need the help and don't you guys have certified hairstylists?"

"Would you rather do more complicated things like taking their never-ending customized coffee orders?" She replied, making you immediately reject the idea. "I volunteered you to help me because I feel like working on harder tasks your first day would only be stressful."

How thoughtful of her.

"Plus, today's not a complicated schedule-," she added as she began lining her brushes around her small table. "-think of it as a practice run over a few lines, but for multiple scenes. We probably have like max 5 people I need to work on so no need for many artists."

There was another older lady in the other side of the table on her phone, probably another experienced makeup artist who knew the drill.

"Got it, today is a light day," you responded back, causing her to smile and hand you a hairbrush.

"See, you have the right mindset," she declared, nudging her head to the side. "And you better keep it because you have your first clients coming in."

Eyes widening, you swiftly twisted your body to see two young girls and Nick come in. Three people, that shouldn't be hard.

"You better make me look adorable," Nick pointed a finger at you as he sat down on a chair near you, causing you to let out a shy laugh as Violet motioned you to come closer.

"I'm going to prep his skin, go to Bella and Nico and ask them to do the same," she advised. "They usually do it themselves on these days to make the process faster."

Nodding you walked to the two young girls, not knowing which was who. The girls were chatting with each other before one with big curls noticed your presence before smiling brightly. "Skin routine, huh? Don't worry, we were about to begin."

Immediately, you noticed her beautiful accent that caused you to stare at her in shock.

"Looks like you frightened her," the other girl laughed, making you glance at her right after. They both had the strong accent.

"Sorry!" you blush, trying to avert your eyes away from them. "I just never heard a British accent- or at least one in person before."

The first girl giggled, waving her hand as a way to prove she didn't mind. "We get that all the time when we visit, it's okay- I never really hear your accent unless I am working on a new project."

"I don't have an accent- you have one," you declare, causing them to laugh harder.

"You seem really amazed by it, is it because you fantasize over Harry Potter or something?" the second girl jokingly questioned, making you chuckle.

"I wish, but I only watched one of his movies and never read the books," you sigh before continuing. "But one of my favorite bands are British so I just get a little loss for words whenever I hear one. It's such a beautiful tone- not to be weird or anything!"

"I agree, New Yorker's just sound so...angry," the first girl shivered. "Which band are you into? Maybe we know them"

"The 1975-"

"Aww, did you do your research on me to make up for earlier," you heard a voice boost through the area. Turning around, you noticed it was the man who called you a tomato, Pedro.

He gave you a cheeky smirk with a look in his eyes as if he knew torturing you will never get old- unless of course you started crying.

"No, you idiot-," the second girl rolled her eyes as he sent her a playful glare for the insult. "-she's talking about the band."

"Wait, you were born in 1975?" you lightly asked, your mind all scrambled in your heard trying to figure out how old he would be now. "that m-

"Yes, I am old!" Pedro fake cried, holding his heart with his hand. "You don't need to remind me that these wrinkles will never go away."

"Well if you had a prepped your skin throughout the years your skin would have been as smooth as a baby's butt like mine," you heard Nick comment from his chair, eyes closed as Violet just laughed in agreement while applying sunscreen on his face.

Pedro just rolled his eyes as the first girl began talking again. "By the way, I love the 1975! Never seen them live though, but they are definitely on my playlists."

You smiled, already feeling comfortable within the environment. Maybe being alone wasn't going to be that terrible.

"I heard he makes out with fans during his concerts," the second girl scrunched her nose in disgust. "Isn't he worried he would end up catching something."

"He probably gets check ups all the time, Bella," the first girl commented, or you suppose Nico since you now know which one was Bella.

"I would catch any disease if it meant I got to kiss Matty Healy for five seconds," you replied, causing the girls to stare at you in astonishment that you just said that so freely.

Maybe talking about your favorite band is slowly making you more confident?

You heard Violet let out a loud laugh as Nick disagreed, saying something about how young girls are too adventurous nowadays but it was true. Matt Healy was a very attractive man whose kiss could probably heal heartaches.

"Isn't he like in his 30s? Aren't you a little too young to be kissing an older man like him?" Violet questioned, making you shrug.

"Maybe I have a thing for older men."

"Wouldn't call a guy who constantly makes out with fans a man," Pedro snorted. "That's a boy."

Nick hummed in agreement as you suppressed a laugh. "How old are you anyway?"

Standing up straight you stared at him and he did the same back. "Guess."

"That never ends up good," Violet chuckled before examining you up and down. "But 18."

Shaking your head, you were young but not that young. At least your skin still made you look like a teenager, god bless.

"25," Bella answered in which you denied that as well.

"29" Nico tried but was wrong.

Nick sat up from his seat to really figure out your age before easily answering "32" and becoming shocked when you denied it. "Woah, are we at least going in the right direction?"

"Violet was headed there."

Pedro sat up in shock at your response. "You're a teenager?!"

"Would it be so wrong if I was?" you questioned. "I would love to live longer."

"She's 21," the other makeup artist who was long forgotten during this conversation casually spoke up, eyes lifting from her phone. The rest of us just stared at her as she did the same back, confused. "What? She fantasizes over an older man but is doing an internship- sounds like what every 21 year-old does."

Gasping, you held a hand over your mouth as everyone laughed at how accurate she was. She was indeed right, but you wouldn't necessarily call your crush on Matty Healy a fantasy- just a strong imagination of being his lifelong lover that would probably never happen because he doesn't know you exist.

"She's right, huh" Nico spoke up as she noticed you didn't fight back.

"Sadly."

After that whole fiasco trying to find out your real age, Violet began working on Pedro after she finished with Nick. Nico and Bella were almost done with their makeup with the other artist when Violet called you over.

Walking towards the chair, you noticed that she had already finished his base with an extremely natural look, not wanting to add too much or it wouldn't look realistic.

"Can you brush his brows and apply some powder on places that need it? I need to finish Bella off with a few final touches," Violet asked, in which you nodded as she pointed to the products needed to do so. "Don't worry if you mess up, it doesn't need to be perfect."

That didn't make you feel any better.

Standing awkwardly as she walks off, you searched around her overload of makeup table to grab the items she just pointed at.

You decided to do his eyebrows first which would be extremely weird because you've never done this before- or at least to a man.

Surprisingly, Pedro hadn't teased you at all since you arrived by his side to help. He actually just laid there silent and watched Violet direct you through her moves before she left.

Maybe he was cutting you a break for once.

You were proven wrong when you leaned forward and aimed your hand towards his face before he quickly tried biting your hand, causing you to squeal and drop the brush on his face, jumping back.

"Very unprofessional," he declared, picking up the brush that had fallen down from his face to his neck up before looking up at you. "Do you hit all of your clients?'

"You did that on purpose!" you glared, smacking his arm as he sent you a playful wink.

"And what are you gonna do about it? Tell on me?" he teased until you grabbed the brush from his hands and swiped it across his brows hard, causing him to hiss in pain. "God damn, woman!"

Laughing as he gripped his forehead area, he gave you a dirty look as you begin the process of patting his face, even hitting his face a little harder than usual in some spots to make sure you got your revenge.

Once done, you examined his face to make sure you were pleased with the results- in which you were.

"All done?' Violet asked, walking up beside you, checking out your work. "Nicely done, but why does he look grumpy?" she added, as he huffed. "and why is he holding his face?"

"Who knows?" you shrug as Pedro scoffs, watching you walk away as Violet calls out afterwards that you were free to go.

As you were walking back to find where the rest of the interns were, you turned your head to find Pedro's eyes still on yours. You gave him an evil smirk as he pointed his finger at you before swiping his thumb across his neck.

You giggled, about to respond back but you were interrupted when a hand tapped your shoulder. Turning around, you find that it was two of the interns, Joon and the girl who was supposedly in love with Pedro, her name tag claiming she was Kendall.

Was this the girl that Jules went did her errands with? Most likely.

"Are you done with the makeup? We need help arranging the equipment for what's gonna be used today," Joon softly smiled as Kendall just stared at you with no emotion.

Nodding, you followed after them as they walked towards the other side of the set. Soon, you had forgotten about the actor and your little battle as endless wires and heavy weights distracted you.

It wasn't till you physically couldn't bare holding the strong stands that the three of you were told you could take a lunch break. Pulling out your phone, you hadn't realized half the day had went by with all the work you were too engaged in.

"You wanna grab lunch with us? We were thinking about going to this small cafe down the street, the reviews look great," Joon asked as Kendall just sent you a small nod in agreement.

The three of you got along pretty well during the hours you spent together. You feel closer to Joon as he did talk the most, but Kendall did try to start little talks so it wouldn't be weird.

I mean we all kind had to get along in order for this job to work.

"I would but I should look for my friend-"

"I think she had her lunch already, I saw her walking by earlier eating a burrito," Kendall replied. Of course she ate already.

Going over the idea in your head a few times, you nodded. You were starving and you suppose its better to not be a loner right now. "Why not?"

As the three of you walked through the set, you didn't miss some of the glances you guys received as your footsteps were pretty loud. It looked like they were wrapping up on one of the scenes as the director was in deep focus on whatever he was lecturing to them on.

"I hope you guys like walking because I took a cab here," Joon chuckled, causing you to laugh.

"Don't worry, I did the same."

Putting on your big coat, you waited until Kendall was done tying the scarf around her neck before walking towards the exit. Close to the door, you halted when you heard someone call your name.

"Y/n!" you saw Bella jogging towards you making Joon and Kendall freeze their movements.

Shifting slowly, you gave her a curious look. "Yes?"

"We wanted to know if you wanted to have lunch with us?" she smiled before looking behind you to find the two others. "You guys can come too!"

Swinging your arms in front of you, you reject her offer as fast as she asked you. "Oh no, no- I'm all good," you decline, not wanting to feel like a bother. "You guys enjoy your own thing-"

"C'mon, how else are we gonna tease Pedro if you aren't there to get him riled up first?" she chuckled as you felt your face on fire.

"Maybe next time?" you kindly suggest, watching as she pouts but nods.

Lifting her right hand up, she sways it around. "Alright, but don't be surprised if Pedro haunts you because of this."

"Why would he?" you heard Kendall quickly question, making Bella tilt her head at her fast counter.

"Because he's the one who asked me to invite her-." Bella casually states before turning to you. "-which you declined so I hope he teases you all week for leaving Nico and I hanging."

Ignoring the first part of her last statement, you playfully nudge her before waving your goodbyes as she skips back to the rest of the cast. Beginning your walk to the cafe, the three of you had little talk about where you grew up, which schools you attended, and why you wanted to work for the film industry.

If it weren't for the freezing temperatures you would say you really enjoyed the walk, too bad you couldn't.

It wasn't until you were seated that Kendall decided to speak her mind on what she was really curious about:

You.

"So, I wonder why Pedro specifically asked you to join him for lunch and not the rest of us?" she randomly revealed as you were taking a sip of your coffee, almost choking on it once you heard her clearly. "Do I sense favoritism?"

Joon stifled a laugh, shaking his head at her last comment. "Doubt it, but I did wonder the same thing until I realized she did help with their makeup. That's intimate enough to make her at some level close to them."

You don't really know Kendall but she's been decent enough to be around until the cast comes to mind. Maybe she wants to be close to them? You're not sure, maybe Jules was right about her all along- who knows.

What you did know though was she was very quick to question and jump to conclusions.

"What did you even talk to them about?" Kendall eyed you, making you tense up a bit. She is very intimidating when she's curious.

"Nothing much-,' you shrug, messing with the napkin in front of you. "Mainly about the 1975 since the girls are British."

"You like the 1975?" Joon asked and you nodded. "I love them!"

Ears perking up after hearing this, you smiled hard. This new information just made Joon 10x better.

"I don't know who they are," Kendall intervened, trying to find some voice in the topic.

The rest of the hour was filled with Joon and you playing the 1975's albums to Kendall as she tried her best to hide her annoyance by shoving her food in her face.

She was definitely not a fan of talent.

Going back to work was a bit easier than before after finding comfort with a lot of the people around you. The three of you were still stuck doing the same job as you heard some of the other interns were either picking up props needed for a scene or being a personal assistant to Finn.

In fact, you hadn't seen many people as rehearsal was moved to another building on the lot. Another hour or two went by before Finn went up to Joon and you to cut you for the day.

"At least we don't have to stay late," Joon beamed, taking off the gloves he was wearing before folding them back into his little backpack. "I heard he's making some people stay till 6 for some heavy-lifting duties- thank god I wasn't chosen."

"Why? Because you aren't strong enough?" you laughed as he let out a small gasp in offense.

"To think we were becoming best friends," he pouted. "But I had a back injury over a year ago so they can't really make me lift anything more than 30 pounds."

Feeling bad for teasing him, you immediately tried taking back your horrible joke. "I didn't mean t-"

"It's cool, no need to beg for forgiveness," he smiled. "Just a little something I don't tell many people, it isn't a big deal majority of the time."

Throwing a weak- but sincere smile, you nod along. Sure it wasn't a big deal right now, but later it could get worse. You didn't want him to know you felt bad but you assumed he knew by the pity upon your face.

Waving your goodbyes, you texted Jules to figure out where she was. It was a strange feeling not seeing each other all day despite working in the same building, but you did live together so it wasn't like you were missing much.

Finding her fake laughing at some guy's joke, her eyes met yours once you appeared by the door of the break room. Immediately, she patted the young boy who didn't look a day over 18 on the back before skipping happily towards you.

"I take it you had a fun day?"

"The best," she grinned, flipping a piece of hair behind her back. "I finally know what an affogato is- it really isn't that amazing as it sounds though. Just a shot of espresso poured on top of a drink."

Laughing, both of you continued down the hall in hopes of quickly finding a cab to take you to the subway. With the timing of your release, you were sure there was going to be so much traffic out these doors that you weren't ready to deal with.

Swinging the exit door open, you didn't expect to find Joon waiting outside with his hands in his pockets, looking down the street praying for an available cab to drive by.

"That hard to catch a ride, huh" Jules sighed, pulling out her phone as Joon slumped, bummed out. "Uber it is."

Seconds later you felt the doors behind you open again but didn't bother to turn, Joon and you too focused on peeking at Jules' phone as she complained about why an app that was supposed to be used when in need always took forever to arrive.

Two people walked a few feet to the side of you three and that's when you could see from the corner of your eye their figures stopping. Moving your head, you caught a view of a man scanning his phone and another glancing at you. It was Pedro.

"And what are you doing out here in the cold, you look like a chihuahua shivering to death," he chuckled, taking steps towards you.

"Is that a compliment?" you questioned, tilting your head as he gave you a smug look, making you guess for yourself.

"Pretty sure he's means you look like a rodent," Jules dryly commented, swiping through her phone before groaning loudly. "Goddammit! The nearest driver is 25 minutes away, I don't want to be waiting that long for a ride that's probably gonna be my whole day's pay."

Realizing the situation you and your friends were in, Pedro lifts a hand trying to get attention. "You guys need a ride? I drove here and-"

"No thank-," you intervene.

"-yes, please," Jules cuts you off, sending you a small glare as you gave one back.

You were not going to ask someone you met just this morning for a ride home. It's too much.

Pedro laughed at the sight of you two yelling at each other through your minds. Telepathy really works when it comes to your friends. Joon just stood there, not really caring what decision we came to terms with. He figured since Jules and you stayed with him long enough he could join along with whatever you two did, so it was up to you guys to make the final move.

"Okay, don't kill each other," Pedro joked, making you move your eyes away from Jules back to him. "How about I drive you three home and you can help me with my makeup this week- so you won't feel like you're taking too much from me."

Squinting, you made a face. "But I already have to do that- it's part of my job."

"She agreed! Let's go," Pedro exclaimed, waving his right arm to you guys to follow him, ignoring you as you tried to debate as to why doing your job wasn't helpful enough.

As Jules kept trying to shut your mouth by placing her palms on it during the walk inside the parking garage, Joon kept looking back confused. "Wait, what about the man? Was he leaving with you?"

Taking a quick glance towards the direction Joon was looking at, Pedro shrugged before pulling out his car keys. "His wife is picking him up."

Joon slowly nodded, not completely convinced that was the case but he'd let it go this time.

Hearing a car beep, you saw a very nice black car's light flash quickly. Walking up closer, Pedro went to the passenger side and opened it while staring at you. "Get in, loser."

Awkwardly standing there, you shook your head and look towards the backseat. "Uh, no- I'm fine with sitting in the back. Maybe Joon can have it since he is the tallest one here."

Joon shook his head. "I'm happy with sitting in the back, ladies first."

Pedro agreed with his last comment, lifting his head to get in the car as you continued to reject his kindness. He already offered you a ride home, you weren't able to take the front seat.

You both continued to fight about the seat before Jules flapped her arms and jumped inside instead. "We are not going to argue for hours over a seat, I'll take it."

Lowering your shoulders, you smiled as Pedro sent you a displeased look. Heading towards the door, Joon opened the door for you, kindly sending you a warm smile. You returned one back and moved to the seat behind the drivers.

Joon followed after you and sat behind Jules as you could see Pedro speed walk around the car, quickly jumping in. He turned towards the back, glancing at the two of you. "Where to?"

"Jules," you called out. She pulled out her phone and showed it to him before saying, "this is it."

"City girls," he blurted out. "The rats on the streets must be a sight to see."

"Let me see?" Joon asked before her phone was shoved to his face. "Hey, I live three streets away from here. Nice."

"We're basically neighbors," you nudged him, making him do the same as Pedro and Jules just stared at the both of you.

"Anyway," Pedro let out a small laugh, "let's go before I change my mind."

Putting the car in reverse, drive, and zooming off, we were on our way. The ride was filled with Jules playing with the radio, Pedro nicely trying to get her fingers off his screen, and Joon calling out the different trees he'd seen out the window the entire time.

At one point Joon even handed you his phone and asked for your number in case either of you needed help with the internship or the cheesy joke of one of you needing sugar in the middle of night.

Once he was dropped off, it took less than ten minutes to arrive to your apartment building.

"You can just pull in right there," Jules declared, pointing at an open spot in front of our lobby doors.

Taking a quit scan, you objected. "No, that's for emergencies only. Just go around the block, we can walk."

Jules protested, pleading Pedro to not give in to your nonsense. "This is an emergency- I want to go home already!"

"It's a red line; therefore, no parking."

Pedro laughed as you raised your voice, determined to not let him get away with this. You were not about to pay for a ticket just because she couldn't walk a few feet...and then a few more to get home.

"Is she always this stubborn?" Pedro jested, earning a hard raise of the eyebrows from Jules.

"You should see her when we study. If you aren't there on time you're kicked out of the discord." Smacking her arm, she huffs and smacks you back.

"I need to be apart of this discord," Pedro stated, making you roll your eyes.

"It's for students only, grandpa," you replied, causing him to gasp.

"That's not how you should treat someone who gave you a ride across town, intern," he retorted and pulled up along the red crub, making Jules laugh as you sent him a dirty look.

So he's pulling that card.

Jules opened her side of the door, stepping out before grabbing her bag and leaning down against the window. "Welp, I am going inside before he personally fires me for befriending you. See you inside and thanks Mr. man who can still get me fired even though he's not my boss!"

Next thing you knew, she was opening the entrance doors and sliding right inside them. It was time for you to go as well.

You could see him grab his phone, unlocking it, and then placing it right in front of your face. "Give me your number."

Scoffing, you pushed his hand away. "Not even going to ask?"

"We both know you're too difficult to easily agree to a question like that," he countered, pushing it back towards you, not leaving until you accepted it.

Was it unprofessional to be giving the main lead of a new television series your personal number? Maybe a lot of people do it, you mean there are plenty of workers who end up friends with cast members all the time on sets.

You're sure these workers have given their numbers away on multiple occasions.

Handing him back his phone, he grinned. "Great, now I can directly reach you whenever I need coffee."

"Only during work hours," you replied, shaking your pointer finger at him. "I don't get paid overtime unless I am on the clock."

He chuckled, twisting his body to get a better view of you. "Yeah, yeah. We'll see about that."

With that, he jumped out of the car and opened your car door, allowing you to step outside and be met with the freezing temperatures once again.

How much you hate the cold when its windy.

"See you tomorrow, kid," he scanned over, waiting for you to comeback with some snarky remark for his pet name.

Stepping away from his car and meeting the sidewalk, you turned around towards him to find him leaning against his door now, watching you to make sure you make it inside safely.

"Same with you- thanks for the ride, grandpa," you smirked, making him suppress a laugh as you turned your back to him again, making your way to the entrance doors.

Two feet away, you stopped when you heard him chant out your name. Seeing him inside his car with his passenger window rolled down, he tried his hardest to move his head against it to see you. "By the way," he started, "you don't look like a rodent."

Feeling flustered by the random yet sweet compliment, you tried hiding your big smile by waving him off, trying to hide your face with your hands and sped walked inside.

You hoped he didn't see the tint on your cheeks.

Unfortunately, your hopes never come true.

[notcolleen]

im gonna take a second to be proud of myself for actually being assertive bc it paid off (literally!!!) and also vent abt family stuff and this is just a giant mess of words lol

[[MORE]]

so i leave for a work trip to oregon tomorrow and as excited as i am, it’s actually the worst timing ever bc 1) my family is having a memorial for my aunt tomorrow and i feel incredibly selfish for not being there and 2) my direct family (brother, middle sister, mom, dad) all have covid or assumed covid and it’s just a chaotic mess at that house rn

and this trip all happened really last minute (i got the email asking if i was interested on the 9th, everything was finalized on the 10th, found out my brother tested positive on the 11th) (i have tested negative every day since then and will test again before i leave) and bc of that/the covid situation i felt bad asking anyone in my family to help out with any logistical barriers (ie pet care while im gone, travel to/from airport, etc)

i finally did ask my oldest sister if she’d be able to watch phoebe and she’s totally fine with that, which is great bc i was literally 2 seconds away from paying someone random online just to avoiding inconveniencing her lol

and i was planning on taking a lyft there and i knew that would be ✨pricey✨ bc it’s 1.5 hrs away so i was just trying to mentally accept the cost of it (bc ultimately it’s worth it for the whole experience of traveling) but my anxiety kinda took off when i looked it up and it was $130 each away ���

so i sent a text to my dad on wednesday asking if he would be able to drive me back from the airport on the 20th if he did not have covid and was feeling well

and he left me on read 🧚

so after a very frustrating conversation with my mom today (where she called me selfish for not considering the cost of tolls and gas rn) (which i was 100% going to pay if he drove, which i would have told him had he replied back) i ended the phone call in very dramatic tears and was like okay either im paying ~$260 and i can let that anxiety sit with me the whole trip (bc major ~scarcity mindset even with money) (it’s the worst!!!) or i can send an awkward email to the company asking if i could be reimbursed for that expense and hope the best

so i emailed a man named david whom i’ve never met (well first i edited my email until it no longer resembled a “sorry for existing !!! also no worries if not :)))) thank you so much even if not!! :))” monologue) and he responded right back with $400 worth of uber gift cards, no questions asked

and im still just sitting here amazed at how being an assertive adult / asking for things with the mindset of “the worst u can hear is no” can benefit you (also i still have to get used to working for a big company bc before this i worked for a childcare company based out of our towns little church and we were expected to pay for so much out of pocket and this company is just like gift cards all around and it’s so different)

(so now i have moved on to being anxious abt the 1.5 hr uber ride and hoping the driver is okay with literally 0 small talk) (i have more rambling thoughts re: birthdays and family resentment and expectations but this is long enough so goodbye thank u if you read this 😌)

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being a younger Avenger and mentoring Kamala

Kamala Khan x reader

warnings: avengers game spoilers, guns

a/n: so excited about this one; i made y/n just a bit older (and gn!) so that they’re in their mid-early teens during a-day! hope thats okie doke! reader has electrokinesis. this accidentally got really detailed

prompt: anonymous: “Hey there! Would you mind writing HCs for the Avengers Game about female reader being a young Avenger (around 17) and mentoring Kamala Khan?”

you were just a kid yourself when you joined the avengers

and you were an inspiration to kids around the world

“does SHIELD think nothing of child labor laws?” -bruce

the avengers became your family

and seeing what you could do...they knew you could handle yourself

and then a-day happened

the day started off so perfect

and the kids went ballistic over seeing you

“y/h/n! look, it’s y/h/n!”

“can i get a picture?”

“hi, guys! of course you can!”

but there was one kid who stuck out among the rest

kamala khan

“you’re the one who wrote about the sewers, right? i freaking loved it! may i just say your art is amazing?”

“r-really?”

“oh, yeah! and the part where you had thor spin mjölnir to push water towards the sewer lizards so i could shock them? genius!”

she could not wait to tell abu about what you had just said

you obviously took a selfie with her and handed her a little pin with your own “icon” on it

but your world got turned upside down that day

the battle was one you’d never forget

and the fighting with your own teammates afterwards would haunt you for years to come

“what do you know, y/n?! you’re just a kid!” -tony

“oh yeah? im one of the only functioning members of this team!”

“everybody calm down. y/n makes a good point, but—” -nat

“thank you”

“...but there’s some stuff you should leave up to us. you really shouldn’t have to take on so much responsibility” -nat

“she’s right, y/n. this was our fault” -bruce

“are you kidding me?! i’m just as guilty as the rest of you, i’m an equal member of this team! for years we’ve dealt with this together, taken the blame together! what’s changed?”

“y/n...you saw what we did out there. that changed everything...” -bruce

you technically were an inhuman, just not terrigen-based

didnt matter to AIM, they took dr. pym for god’s sake

so you had to run, you were on your own for a while

a long while

you laid low for five years, most boring five years of your life

at least you still had your life, though. it just wasn’t what it used to be

but you got a message one day

“‘tiny dancer,’ huh? my moneys on either nat or tony. nah, tony would have chosen ‘rocket man.’”

you couldn’t be sure, maybe it was just a random shield agent...maybe hank pym? god, this was crazy

the message brought you to, uh, cap’s memorial statue

and there was a young girl arguing with a couple of boys...an inhuman!

you hopped in and saved her, she seemed scared

“hey, kid, you alright?”

“y/h/n? is it really you?”

she seemed vaguely familiar

“are you tiny dancer?”

“no, i thought you might be? they sent you here, too?”

there wasn’t much time to chat, AIM was onto you

you two unfortunately got split up for a minute, but you were practically raised by the notorious clint barton and natasha romanoff, and various other spies

yes, you planted a tracker on her

and met her at the bus stop!

“you found me?”

“that i did, kamala. see, i do remember you”

“that is so cool! i mean—not almost getting killed, or the guy with the big head...”

“what guy? you need to tell me everything”

the whole busride was a bit overwhelming. kamala explained the resistance clues, her powers, her undying admiration for the avengers, you name it

but it made you feel good to know that there were people out there that didn’t hate you

“so what was it like? being the teenage avenger?”

“uh, it was...it was really cool. i felt like i was one-of-a-kind. but sometimes people didn’t take me seriously, it was kind of aggravating”

“yeah, no one takes me seriously either...”

“you know, depending on how this all goes, i might be able to give you a few pointers”

“really?! that’d be great!”

once you got to utah...you saw the chimera

it brought back some bad memories, kamala could tell

“you okay?”

“me? yeah, im good. just thinking...okay, well, do you have a plan on how to get yourself across all of this?”

“actually, i do!”

it was kind of creepy in there, but when you laid your eyes on caps shield, you kind of broke

“do you hear something, what it that?”

“...hulk. kamala, you need to get out of here, i’ll catch up to you, i swear”

she didn’t leave in time, so she got to see the greener side of bruce. you chased him back and tried to get bruce back

meanwhile, kamala found AIM troops...oops

bruce cooled off and man was he doing rough

“y/n, is that really you?”

“yeah, its me. surprise. how long have you been the big guy?”

“too long...a few years”

“jesus, im sorry. i’ll be right back, though. some kid brought me here, i gotta go get her. you kinda scared her off”

she was passed out when you got to her

but bruce is a doctor, he’d figure it out

“i could give her a little shock to wake her up, you know?”

“oh, i know. just let her rest for a minute. she needs it”

“right...well im gonna take a look around, maybe go see what i left behind. i could power the place up, but we’re missing some parts to actually get this thing running. best i can do is lights and doors”

you turned the little things on and turns out did leave a decent amount of stuff in here

your first pair of pistols that nat gave you, the gigantic stein that thor gifted you for your 13th birthday, gadgets tony needed an “extra boost” for *bzzt*, a note from cap that just said “good luck, y/n, you’re going to do great!” you cant even remember what it was he was referring to. you just missed him

kamala walked in while you were shuffling around and cleaning the place up

“hey, dr. banner wanted me to come get you. is this your room?”

“that it is, and it’s a huge mess. this is literally all my belongings ever”

bruce had his plan and you just went along, helping kamala out as you go

“baby steps, kam, don’t want you to pass out. but don’t worry, happens to the best of us” -you

“really? you pass out too?” -kamala

“oh yeah, for sure. tell her bruce, remember that time we had thor overcharge me to literally make me an EMP? and tony was busy listening to music so he wouldn’t get out of the blast radius and his armor shut down? so he was out of commission and i had just collapsed from it all? good times”

“y/n, we thought you died” -bruce

this hc is so long omg — anyways you guys ended up finding tony and it was sort of entertaining but he kinda punched bruce and then hugged you

“you got so big”

“shut up, tony”

you kinda harbored some bad feelings since none of the avengers did anything to help you once they started rounding up inhumans (but you still missed them)

getting attacked again

“okay, kamala, remember what i said about baby steps. dont overdo it. i trust you with this!”

“thank you, y/n! uh—oh my god!”

aaaanyways you went to the ant hill to see hank and pick up some supplies, boy was it great to see some familiar faces, then back the the chimera you went to fix it all up

“can you hold that right there for me, kamala? thanks. i think that just about does it. now i have a surprise for you...your own room!”

you helped kamala get it nice and tidy while talking about each other’s lives, she really did remind you of yourself when you became an avenger. excited, scared, underestimated, all of that. and she begged you to share some mission stories, so you obviously did

“you know, if you stick around for a while, you’re gonna have some cool stories, too. maybe even a kickass costume.”

“oh! a costume, ive got that sorta covered. check it out. a burkini, muslim women wear it for swimming and stuff. my mom got it for me”

“love it. soon we’ll find you a fitting name and update the suit, but seriously, this was the perfect way to go. you look great”

“you think so? i don’t know if i feel that cool. maybe i should try something else?”

“if that’s how you feel, you don’t have to stick to it. you can experiment all you want! but i really think you did awesome on this. come on, pose with me! and hey, i like your pins.”

at this point, you’d do anything for kamala, she reminded you so much of yourself. you would have killed for a mentor your age back in the day.

natasha was in fact tiny dancer...called it

“oh, god, y/n. you’re all grown up...im sorry we left you alone. but if it makes you feel better, i always kept an eye on you”

“well, i kind of took on a protégé...she’s like your grand-protégé. kam, c’mere”

after thor finally came back, everyone started fighting again and ditched, it felt so familiar. but you couldn’t leave kamala behind, you swore to yourself that you couldn’t do that.

she was so good for this team

MODOK was defeated (by kamala herself) but there was so much left to do, tons of threats to extinguish, training to accomplish

“y/n, tony won’t turn his dad rock off! he overrode the speakers in my room”

“oh, it’s on. get chastity’s fabric dye and bleach pens. we’re gonna start some trouble”

she gave you a high five one time and nearly broke your arm

sending each other tiny hand memes

“hey, ms. m, how’re your parents? doing okay without their favorite super-daughter?”

“my abu doesn’t stop texting me actually, says my family is super proud of me. it’s a nice change of pace”

you take her on covert missions for field training, it was Educational(tm)

*elevator music playing* “so...what do you want for dinner? i was thinking we could ask thor to barbecue”

sleepovers in her room that just turn into her showing you her superhero merch, listening to music, prank lists, sneaking off to the HARM room for hand-to-hand combat training and power experiments, thinking up new costume designs

“tip: you always need backup suits, you never know what you’re gonna run into out there. one time tony pushed me into a tower of paint cans and they spilled all over me. steve yelled at him for two hours afterwards. worst mission ever, except steve said ‘motherfucker’ and i have never recovered from the emotions of that day”

“wow, i wish i could have been there for that”

“don’t worry, kami, you’ll see some crazy ‘team bonding’ along the way”

she geeks out about captain marvel sometimes

“hey, i’ve got a book carol gave to me about ‘teens taking responsibility.’ you wanna read it?”

“is it any good?”

“i don’t know, i only read the first two pages”

you ended up having a true heart-to-heart with her after one mission when she made a mistake that nearly cost you guys the mission. you told her that not every mission is going to go perfect, each avenger had slipped up in the field, and she had just started, shes not going to be perfect

“i am literally always here if you need anything. i know what it feels like to be a teenager among legends, but trust me, you’ve made it this far and you’ve proven how much of a badass you are. i know you can take anything that gets thrown at you”

kamala said she makes vegan nachos and yeah she makes vegan nachos

you guys have to hide from the rest of the team when she makes them bc they eat ALL OF THEM

gaff (the SHEILD vendor) has you test his gear, you recommend gear to kamala

you were so excited to guide kamala on her journey of heroism

taglist: @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm //

[quietepics]

                                      ♡ · 　INTRO.　 * .  IV / ?.

           oh lawd she comin.           hi gang !  i’d like to introduce my new kiddo ,  layla blanco .  she’s a granddaughter of tyche and eris ,  and she’s a bit chaotic but in a different way from theo .  i’d say her chaos is calculated heheh .  also this is a very quick and short intro but i just wanna get it out and done with bc im gonna be busy tomorrow rip anyway ,  hope you enjoy !

THE BASICS

name:  layla cornelia blanco nickname(s):  lay ,  lays .  somebody pls call her lucky charm she’ll be so annoyed . birthday:  april 13th, 1996 ethnicity:  white latina ( argentine - british ) birthplace:  california , usa gender identity:  cis female sexuality:  pansexual / panromantic powers:  disruption ( eris )  /  probability manipulation ( tyche ) mixtape:  she’s my colllar ( slowed ) / gorillaz ,  people i don’t like / upsahl ,  daisy / ashnikko ,  walk you home / sir chloe ,  talk show host / radiohead  character inspiration:  nanno ( girl from nowhere ) ,  beth harmon ( the queen’s gambit ) ,  layla by derek & the dominos ,  veronica sawyer ( heathers ) ,  yumeko jabami ( kakegurui )

THE MUSE

layla’s parents met in nemean lion years before her birth ;  a daughter of tyche and a son of eris ,  the two fell in love during their time at nl and though it’s been long since their last visit ,  the campus has been a second home to layla ever since she was little  ---  for safety reasons ,  of course .

from a very young age ,  layla knew that she was special .  her parents made a conscious effort to make sure the girl never lost sight of who she was and what she could do ,  and to always use her abilities for good .  her father was particularly cautious of that ,  seeing as his daughter had the same capabilities for discord as he did ,  and knowing how much trouble he caused during his first few years at nl .  because of that ,  layla has never felt out of control when it came to her abilities ;  in fact ,  it was quite the opposite .

while her father’s side of the family was a bit more troublesome ,  her mother’s side was incredibly fun !  ever since she was a child ,  layla found herself interested in everything that had to do with luck ,  probability and chance ,  which eventually led to her fascination with one subject in particular: gambling .

around the age of twelve ,  she began gambling around nl .  at first ,  the bets were little and simple:  a pack of gum ,  a snack from just dough it or a meal at jake’s diner ,  things of the sort .  at worst ,  she’d use her disruption power to make the loser unable to control their gifts for hours ,  which might have led to a little trouble a few times . however ,  as layla got older ,  the bets started becoming a little more extreme ,  often including large quantities of money .  naturally ,  people lost interest in the games ,  especially since they were going against a granddaughter of tyche ,  and layla decided it was time for a change  ---  so she left nl for a while .

during her time away from campus ,  layla made money .  a lot of money .  poker and any other form of gambling had quickly become her favorite pastime ,  mainly because of the thrill of betting and risking it all ,  except she never lost to anyone .  not because she used her powers to win ,  as the mere thought of rigging the games angered and disgusted her ,  but because it simply never happened .  it could be frustrating at times ,  especially after people in the business started digging up information of her .

years after making a name for herself in casinos around the world and in the public poker scene ,  people started learning more and more about layla ,  who’d kept her godly heritage a secret until now .  eventually ,  information leaked about the girl and on how one of her grandmothers was the goddess of fortune ,  which resulted in people calling layla a scammer ,  removing all sponsorships and opening multiple lawsuits against the girl ( which didn’t end up terribly for her ,  but that didn’t help fix her reputation either ) .  

half a year ago ,  after her little scandal and as means of keeping herself out of trouble ,  layla returned to nl for the first time in a long while .  she’s been keeping herself busy by working in the business department ,  striking big deals that bring in money and “playing” with the stock market .  she swears she’s never cheated or rigged any game in her life ,  but until someone or something is able to prove her innocence ,  you won’t be finding her gambling anytime soon  ---  at least not in the public eye .

MISC.

she is so ,  so smart .  above average IQ ,  definitely one of the best students in nl history besides the athena kids lmao .  oh ,  and she definitely loves to remind people of just how smart she is .  kind of a snob tbh .

knows a lot and has dirt on lots of people .  she’s literally one of those people who just ends up eavesdropping on accident and then laughs about it .

s t o n kS.

she can play any card game ,  and most classics like chess ,  checkers ,  even eastern ones like shogi or majong .  on the other hand ,  she hates most “modern games”,  except for monopoly and clue / cluedo.

she legit never rigged any of her games ,  not even when she was tired and bored from winning so much .  in fact ,  there was a time she purposefully indebted herself so that the games would become more exciting  ---  after all ,  she needed money .

kind of a hard person to befriend ?  she won’t approach you unless you’re doing something she judges weird or a waste of time ,  but she will engage into conversation if you seem “smart enough” .  again ,  she’s a bit of a snob .

kinda self destructive but shhh lets not go there just yet 

will prank people by messing with their powers without them knowing .  homegirl’s been bored okay this is how she keeps herself entertained besides stonks .

GIVE ME ALL THE PLOTS !  i’d like for her to have an actual friend who cares about her well being and wants her to get her shit together ( and she obvious cares about them in return ),  someone she simply Does Not Give a Fuff about and has no problem saying it, an ex lover / ex fling ( could be super interesting considering she was gone for a bit ig ) ,  some sort of frenemy ,  some “ healthy competition “  of sorts ,  anything and everything !

[vagarius]

misukazu 21

(if you saw me fuck up the other one no you didnt)

EDIT I THINK THIS ONE GOT A LITTLE FUCKED UP TOO BUT IT’S... READABLE...

questions from this post, and answers originally written for this thread!!

If you had to change the pairing’s very first meeting, how would you change it?    their canon first meeting is already so good SHDGFLJASHG but if i had to choose a different one that's still within the context of mankai... meeting as kids and losing touch and coming back together completely different at mankai

What song fits your pairing the most?    uhhHHhhHHH i don't have a real answer but i do have a partial playlist for one of my misukazu aus and the only two songs in it are furaregai girl by sayuri and champagne's for celebrating by mayday parade and i feel like that says enough sldhgalsdhfalsh

What is your favorite AU/prompt idea/trope for your pairing?     ALL MISUKAZU AUS ARE GOOD but. i really love any au where their first meeting is in the future and both are still kind of lost but they're Older and it's hard to let themselves fall into the easy trust they find in canon. i just think that'd be neat.

Do you prefer canon ideas or do you have your own headcanons for them?     I'VE SAID THIS MANY TIMES BUT CANON MISUKAZU GIVES OFF MADE FOR EACH OTHER VIBES AND USUALLY I DON'T VIBE WITH THAT BUT THEY REALLY ARE WHAT THE OTHER NEEDS... AND I THINK EVEN IF THEY HAD TO PART THEY'D STILL BE ABLE TO BE BETTER PEOPLE BC THEY HAD MET

Favorite canon moment of them?     THERE ARE SO MANY but the one that immediately comes to mind is misumi carrying drunk kazu to bed (latest bday line) because drunk kazu is so soft and it implies that misumi wanted to wish happy birthday to kazu pretty late... what did he want to give him...

Least favorite canon moment of them?     hmm... there's not really one i can think of??? IM SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY I LOVE ALL THEIR CANON MOMENTS

Favorite headcanon trope/idea? (Your own or someone else’s)    this is somehow both vague and very specific but i think misukazu gives off this vibe: He's beautiful. I can't tell him. or "Kazu is always beautiful~" Don't call me that, Kazu thinks. I'm not. so... insecurities i guess ????? AJSHAJJD

Favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics?     THIS IS GOING TO SOUND SO CHEESY but i love how /real/ they allow themselves to be around each other. misukazu at their best is when one thinks "you're you. and i love that you" and the other knows this. i just. THEY VALIDATE THE OTHER SO MUCH CRIES

Least favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics? (Can be headcannon)     this isn't a "least fav" so much as "it makes me sad" but if either of them showed any sign of not being interested anymore the other is more likely to give up then push anything. sort of like "it was bound to happen, so i'll enjoy now until they drop me" or EVEN WORSE they think the other would be better off without them and pushes them away. so yeah the fact i can see one of these happening makes me sad.

If they aren’t a canon pairing, how would you get them together?     they give off "everyone knows we're dating but us" energy but at the same time i feel like they'd acknowledge there's something and just not define it bc a) they don't need to (misumi) or b) they're too nervous to (kazu). in other words i think one day they are holding hands and misumi says "kazu? is this dating?" and kazu holds his breath before asking "do you want it to be?"

If you had to take them and plunk them into another fandom, what fandom would that be? Why?     i think theyd be hilarious in any sports animanga (kazu is manager tho bc noodle arms but maybe they bond when misumi walks him through some of his usual training menu one night - ahem. anyway) BUT ALSO horimiya au...

How hard is it write/draw your pairing? Scale of 1-10.     AJDHAJDHSF I REALLY LOVE THEM SO IT COMES PRETTY EASILY... but sometimes you try to put them in tropes and realize they would Just Not Work Like That. idk where i'm going with this. but yeah. anyway 3 for sankaku.

Is there a pairing that you think rivals them?     in terms of what i ship, i tend to ship kazu and misumi individually with a lot of dif charas AJDHAKD. but in terms of like... in-universe "rival" pairings: kazu side: tsuzukazu (maybe, lbr it would take them 273924 yrs to actually get together), kazu x someone from winter (i... have my reasons but they'd take longer than what this answer entails) misumi side: ... surprisingly none that i can think of ahdjahd

Which character of the pairing do you like more? (Would you ever pair yourself with them?)     you know that tweet that's like "sometimes a ship is just your two favs"? yeah that's misukazu for me. but if i had to choose... misumi AJDHAJHDSF I HONESTLY WASNT THAT INTO YUME UNTIL THESE TWO CAME AROUND (NOT COUNTING 707)... but yeah if they wanted to hold me in their arms i wouldn't oppose

Which character of your pairing would be the one to break up with the other? Why?     OOOOOH BOY well. i think it could be either of them. i don't think they'd break up for lack of love but too much love and wanting the other to be happy and thinking that the only way to give them that is to let them go. so i guess the question is which of them would be more likely to be selfish and hold on. thinking this way, i think misumi would be more likely to break-up, bc kazu has lots of friends who are better than him!! and misumi is more ready to leave if he thinks he needs to than kazu is. now im sad.

Are they relatable as characters or as a pairing?     THE NUMBER OF TIMES I'VE BEEN CALLED KAZU KIN... in all seriousness kazu's struggles with speaking out and (shinobi spoilers) his uncertainty over his future hit real close to home... while i don't relate as much as misumi, his struggles always manage to tear my heart into pieces... ((oversharing alert) i guess what really separates me from misumi is his struggle with his desire to connect with family who has treated him poorly... whereas im more "lol fuck you") tldr i relate to kazu slightly more LOL

Did you once/ever dislike one/both of them?     i never disliked them but i was NOT expecting either of them to shoot up so quickly into my favs list ahdjahdjf. also i started shipping them Immediately After reading summer main story so there's that

On an estimate, how many posts have you made about them?    as of september 28th 2020 i make up 11/78 fics on ao3 in the romantic misukazu tag and 2/12 in the platonic one. i may have brainrot.

What made you decide to ship them?     TBH I FINISHED THE MAIN STORY AND WENT "OH MY GOD... THAT'S MY SHIP" but now that i'm here i continue to ship them because they have the potential to bring out both the best and the worst in each other and i'm all about that

Favorite genre for them? (Angst, fluff, etc.)     angst. i just. angst hurt/comfort all the way. im so sorry babies.

lol you thought there would just be 21 ANYWAY EXTRA 1: how do they spend breaks/vacation?    they'd travel a lot when they're older!! kazunari loves to travel and misumi would follow kazunari anywhere (also, new triangles!!) so they go somewhere new whenever they have the time. however i think eventually one or both of their future careers will take them anywhere and everywhere anyway, so their "ideal vacation" might turn into an evening in, cuddling and catching up (as if they didn't already send play-by-play updates over the phone of whatever they did during the day)

EXTRA 2: first date?     i don't they ever have an explicit first date, but if asked they'll cite the time they had a picnic in the park turned triangle hunt turned accidental dip in the duck pond. at least, kazunari will. misumi just tilts his head and wonders what you mean.

EXTRA 3: gifts?     IM FEELING REALLY CHEESY SO I'M MAKING THIS ABOUT ANNIVERSARY GIFTS they both end up getting each other jewelry (although kazu was really really nervous bc he wasn't sure if misumi would wear it). kazu gets misumi a bracelet (with triangles, of course although misumi only wears it sometimes because he doesn't want to lose it) and misumi gets kazu a pair of triangle earrings "so we can match!" and kazunari combusts at the implications

EXTRA 4: sharing clothes     THEY'RE ACTUALLY AROUND THE SAME SIZE (and tend to wear baggier stuff barring kazu's skinny jeans)... but they have completely different Styles so it's still really obvious when steal each other's stuff ahdjajdkaf. as cute as kazu would look in sumi's sweatshirt i think the much more likely scenario is kazu wrapping misumi in his jackets because this boy nEVER BRINGS HIS ANYWHERE anyway just. accidental shared wardrobe misukazu.

EXTRA 5: lake house au    consider: kazunari living in a house on the shore of a lake for a summer for Art Purposes (and a little bit for Dealing With Life purposes but he's not gonna admit that) and meets his lake neighbor misumi who kazu thinks might be a ghost or spirit for a while but he actually just lives further down the lake and misumi unknowingly helps kazu with his Life Issues and maybe they fall in love

[thisstableground]

@crayolapumpkins asked me for ITH gang birthday headcanons!

usnavi doesn’t do birthdays. or, more accurately, usnavi does not do his own birthday, which is in early january and to him is nothing more than a breath of relief signalling that life can go back to a post-december normal. he tries to hide from it either by saying that whatever three kings day celebration happens a couple days before is a joint celebration, or by acting like he has a lot of work to do, but he ends up getting dragged into at least dinner and cake because nobody is gonna let him spend his entire birthday reorganising bodega shelves. he more than makes up for this lack of enthusiasm about his own birthday by having six times more enthusiasm than anyone else about other people’s.

vanessa doesn’t care much about gifts, it’s the party she’s here for. she actually kicks off proceedings in the worst way, by going to visit her mom and having a coffee together, but only because that gets the shitty part over with so she can really enjoy herself. brunching out with dani and carla. an afternoon on video chat with nina. dinner with usnavi. the club with whoever she can persuade to come with her, and when she’s there she knows so many people that she’s got no shortage of hugs and selfies and free drinks flowing all night.

im not sure about nina while she’s at stanford – probably a night out with her college friends, at their persuading - but i can very clearly picture nina’s birthdays when she was a little kid. she’d get mostly books and then have to suffer through a dinner that seems to last for eternity, because even though she loves it when her family and the de la vegas and vanessa and abuela are all together, she wants to be left alone to really enjoy her new presents. definitely has her new book under the table while she’s eating and her dad keeps telling her to stop reading and enjoy her birthday and she’s like “??? i Am enjoying it, i’ve been waiting for this part of the series for MONTHS”

benny always has a big night out somewhere, but lowkey the kind of birthday he enjoys best is just kicking back with a beer and a couple of his closer friends, done when his birthday falls on a weekday so they have to wait till the weekend for a big night out (which inevitably only some people can attend, and very rarely is usnavi able to come out for very long, if he manages at all) and can’t go too crazy on the day itself. he likes mingling his favourite people from the different social groups he’s part of, and how even when his friends aren’t close with each other they all get on well, and that there isn’t really any pressure to have fun because he’s with people who he’ll always have fun with even if they don’t do anything at all.

when sonny’s rolls around it is very, very obvious that he is the precious baby of the barrio and has been adored and somewhat spoiled because of it. sonny does not have a birthday, he has a birth month. he is of the opinion that if he just decides hard enough that it’s still his birthday then nobody can disagree with him. he displays all of the many, many  cards he gets around the cash register where they are extremely in the way so that everyone can see that he has Successfully Grown Another Year Older. “sonny, get back to work” “on my birthday?!?!” “that was three weeks ago!!” “my cards are still up!” “only ‘cause you put them back up after i took them down!” “yeah, because it’s my birthday!”

carla is also someone who you will hear saying “it’s my birthday!” at least sixty times on the day. this is because she wants a  hug from every single person she meets. it is very hard to say no to these hugs, look at her face. she is an absolute joy to buy presents for: if you’ve ever wondered who the person that ridiculous novelty gifts from greetings cards shops were made for, it’s carla. teddy bear holding a heart with “have a beary good birthday!” on it? she loves it. comically large wine glass with sparkles on it? she has three. birthday tiara? give her the birthday tiara she deserves it

the rosarios use their birthdays to take an evening off work and go out to dinner together, same place every year. there is rarely a day the rest of the year when both of them are off at once. they’ve been together a long time and have very strong, often conflicting opinions, which is no different on birthdays: while getting ready, there will  be arguments about kevin being late back from the dispatch and about camila doing things round the house that don’t actually need doing this immediate minute, and grumbling about the person on the phone who took their reservation at the restaurant and a million other small things. but then as they are finally going out the door, kevin smiles at camila as she checks her lipstick one last time and says, “you just like you did the day i met you” even though this is untrue because they were both still teenagers at the time. she takes his offered arm as they walk to the restaurant together and reminisce about all the same stories of the old days that they reminisce about every single time

dani celebrates in a true dani style that is a perfect split between extremely classy and extremely not. there’s dinner at a restaurant, there’s wine and laughter and treating herself to a decadent dessert, and then after that there’s everyone going back to her place to get absolutely fuckin blasted on gin cocktails. dani gets exactly the right level of drunk to enjoy herself while still being able to remember every sordid detail the next day, when she can swan into the salon looking like she’s never touched a drop of drink in her life while vanessa and carla are groaning through hangovers and she’ll clap loudly and say “so you’ll never believe who i caught getting very close last night after dinner”

of his own accord pete wouldn’t give a damn about his birthday, except that sonny is vehemently insistent that pete will celebrate his birthday and he will like it. “do i get a choice about that” pete says, every year, and every year sonny is like “no. now open this card next, i made usnavi sign it and i think it broke him.”

claudia does not really expect people to remember her birthday: after so many of them, she barely keeps track herself, and they always seem to show up so much faster than she’s expecting, so that every single year she’s surprised and delighted by the cards and flowers and food and people waving at her when she passes them in the street to shout well-wishes because even though she hardly keeps track everyone else certainly thinks that her birthday is something very much worth remembering (she and usnavi are very similar in very many ways.)

[fizzyhosh]

tagged by @kabeswaters !!!! love u big time

1. on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? .... 3

2. describe yourself in a hashtag? #onedirectionstan

3. if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? gross Harry Styles

4. if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? get ready for disappointment but the good thing is one direction would be to my musical as abba is to mamma mia

5. what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i have strong ambitions but they are outweighed by executive dysfunction so lots of adults like teachers just think I'm lazy 🤪🥴

6. what’s your wake up ritual? currently it's get up at 2pm, look at discord, snapchat, and instagram, then eat some gosh darn food

7. what’s your go to bed ritual? this is so unhealthy I know grab a snack and a soda and scroll mindlessly on social media until I get tired, get up and brush my teeth, go back to my bed and put on my sleep playlist (called sleeby) and set a time so it stops playing after I fall asleep

8. what’s your favorite time of day? despite the fact that I get up in the afternoon, it's actually like 10am that's a goooood time

9. your go to for having a good laugh? I look up Niall Horan laugh complications it genuinely works every time

10. dream country to visit? Germany or Italy

11. what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? my 19th birthday my roommates had a surprise party for me and I was so shocked and almost cried bc it was so sweet and bc made me anxious

12. heels or flats/sneakers? I thought that said heelys :(( but sneakers

13. vintage or new? vintaaaage

14. who do you want to write your obituary? uh idk hopefully none of my current family bc I don't want to die before them cause that'll mean I die young??? this question is making me overthink so I'm just gonna say Ewan Gregor and move on

15. style icon? this chick named mathilda on Instagram you might have seen her on insta or Pinterest she's a redhead but her style is brilliant

16. what are three things you cannot live without? music, dr. pepper, eggos

17. what’s one ingredient you put in everything? I sound so white but SALT I salt the heck outta everything

18. what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? Steve Irwin, Harry Styles, Freddie Mercury

19. what’s your biggest fear in life? dying while I'm taking a shower and having my family find my naked, wet, dead body falling out of love. which makes me not want to fall IN love bc then the chance of falling OUT of love becomes a possibility

20. window or aisle seat? window window window window window

21. what’s your current tv obsession? not really obsessed with anything rn but I rewatch new girl every chance I get

22. favorite app? instagram

23. secret talent? I can wiggle my ears

24. most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? i flew to New Orleans during a break with two of my friends bc they found $60 round trip tickets. We bought the tickets the day before. We literally got to NOLA at 7am and left 8pm the next day. only spontaneous/adventurous thing i have ever done

25. how would you define yourself in three words? funny, understanding, quiet

26. favorite piece of clothing you own? my overalls :'))

27. a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a jean jacket !! looks good on anyone and with anything and they're so cute

28. a superpower you would want? to make people see themselves as their loved ones see them

29. what’s inspiring you in life right now? music I'm fixated on one direction and harry styles and louis tomlinson rn of you cant tell by a lot of my answers

30. best piece of advice you’ve received? don't apologize because you like something. don't be embarrassed that you have preferences

31. best advice you’d give your teenage self? be unapologetically you. life is too short to feel guilty for having opinions.

32. a book everyone should read? me and earl and the dying girl

33. what would you like to be remembered for? being kind to all

34. how do you define beauty? kindness, humor, a sweet soul makes a beautiful person

35. what do you love most about your body? I think I'm proportional? like... my size and shape... I hate how that sounds but my overall body ,,,,,,,

36. best way to take a rest/decompress? crack open and nice cold soda and put on headphones and lay on the ground (it makes me back feel better)

37. favorite place to view art? art galleries the environment and ambiance is immaculate

38. if your life was a song, what would the title be? Everything is Outta Reach cause I fail a lot but also I'm sHORT

39. if you could master one instrument, what would it be? pianoooo

40. if you had a tattoo, where would it be? I want my forearms to be filled with random little doodle tattoos I get over time (picture louis tomlinsons right arm, like the "oops!" and skateboard, and dumb things like that)

41 dolphins or koalas? KOALAS

42. what’s an animal that represents you? .....koala. also chameleon...

43. best gift you’ve ever received? so I need to be hugging a pillow or stuffed animals to sleep and I lost some stuffed animals that I loved and were huge and my go to for hugging at night and that Christmas my brother got me a huge elephant and a body pillow to replace them and I actually cried

44. best gift you’ve given? im really bad at giving gifts but my brother searches everywhere for this book in specific print and language and after years I found one and got it for him for Christmas. he's not good at showing appreciation and excitement but I could tell that he was stoked

45. what’s your favorite board game? BETRAYL AT THE HOUSE ON THE HILL it's so complicated and so good and I love it so much

46. what’s your favorite color? yellow and red

47. least favorite color? o r a n g e I just realized it's between red and yellow make it make sense

48. diamond or pearls? diamonds

49. drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore! I don't wear makeup often enough to spend money on designer but occasionally I get some good stuff from ulta then immediately regret it and go back to my Walgreens makeup HAHA

50. pilates or yoga? yoga

51. coffee or tea? I don't drink either but I like the aesthetic of tea more

52. what’s the weirdest word in the english language? pneumonoultrascopicsiliconvolcanoconoiosos because it's the longest word in the English dictionary and it's has a very specific definition and it's so extra when I was 7 i had a friend who could spell it forwards and backwards

53. dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk!! I only like dark chocolate if it's reisens

54. stairs or elevators? stairs I'm afraid of elevators

55. summer or winter? summer

56. you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? mac and cheese

57. a dessert you don’t like? uhhhh... umm... uh... anything with tree nuts cause I'm allergic??? I love dessert

58. a skill you’re working on mastering? I'm learning guitar !!

59. best thing to happen to you today? I woke up before 2pm

60. worst thing to happen to you today? my family all decided to a be in a bad mood today so that's super exciting to deal with :))))))

61. best compliment you’ve ever received? that I'm a really good listener

62. favorite smell? candles right after they're blown out and the air outside when it's cold. it has a smell. it DOES.

63. hugs or kisses? hugs

64. if you made a documentary, would it be about? the one direction boys' solo careers and eventual reunion when it happens

65. last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? if that includes music, louis tomlinsons album walls. but if not, ehm the martian that movie makes me cry don't come for me

66. lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

67. sweet or savory? savory

68. girl crush? lily james

69. how do you know you’re in love? I've been trying to figure that out... I think it's when everything reminds you of them and you can completely be yourself around them and feel a sense of home and belonging.

70. a song you can listen to on repeat? greyhound by calpurnia or baby driver by simon and garfunkel

71. if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? h a r r y s t y l e s I have questions I need answered and I wanna hear unreleased HS and 1D music

72. what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? going back to school so I can be with my best friend slash future boyfriend

tagging: @lupinlongbottom @outerlacy @fortisfiliae @theseuscmander @wizardwritings

[florcnces]

HEY HENS ! my name’s nat & today i present to you the one, the only ... ms florence ! under the cut you’ll find a few bits & pieces i’ve come up w/ so far just so ... u kno ... we can plot or whateva 😏😏😏so if u want me to shower you w/ love, feel free to drop a big, fat LIKE or im me 😏😏😏also ... if u read this thru u will notice that ... i gave up somewhere in the middle of it ...

new york’s very own 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄  𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐑𝐃 was spotted on broadway street in 𝐁𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐆𝐀'𝐒  𝐁𝐁𝐒 . your resemblance to 𝐒𝐘𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐘  𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐘 is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 - 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃 birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being 𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐅𝐔𝐋 , but also 𝐍𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 . i guess being a 𝐆𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐈 explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐋  𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐒 ,  𝐅𝐄𝐌𝐌𝐄 - 𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐄  𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐒  &  𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐅 - 𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐃  𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒  𝐎𝐅 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐔𝐌𝐄 . ( i seduced the director to get my first big movie role. )  &  ( cis-gendered female & she / her  ) 

𝐢. 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐬 

name : florence noel brassard

dob / age : may 22nd, 1996 / twenty - two

hometown : paris , france

occupation : actress

aesthetics : pearl necklaces , femme-fatale movies , half-used bottles of perfume , lavender bouquets & satin sheets

positive traits : nurturing , logical , self-motivated , thoughtful 

negative traits : vengeful , scornful , two-faced , devious 

likes :  morning runs , feeling accomplished , freckles , seltzer water , blueberry yogurt , random picnics

dislikes : not getting attention , impulsive decisions , being late , not taking care of herself , mess all over the place , loud voices

𝐢𝐢. 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲 

baby florence was born & raised in new york city and was immediately thrown into the world of luxury - there literally was no other outcome when your parents appeared to be, like, one of the most powerful couple in the fashion industry, owning a huge chunk of loewe, lv, berluti and etc (so basically think like antoine arnault & natalia vodianova as her parents ... thnx xxxx)

with everything being handed to the girl on a silver platter, flo’s childhood was as boring as it could be. ‘ want to attend ballet classes? we’ll arrange private ones for you with the nycb principals.’ / ‘ can’t find a dress for the event we’re throwing? here’s five custom gowns to choose from, honey. ’ / ‘ there’s a scratch on your shoes; here’s a credit card, go buy yourself three new pairs. ’ / so, basically, tl;dr, they spoiled her ROTTEN

not gonna like, flo had a phase of being a bratty, greedy & ungrateful bih at the age of 13-15 because of the people she surrounded herself with & in order to fit in, she had to have like the best of the best. tho it wasn’t like she hadn’t had any of those things already - she just started taking advantage of her parents’ generosity. it took cutting her allowance down to the minimum for a few months and a few serious conversations to get a confession out of florence and to get her to understand that people should consider your their friends for your personality and not your bank account. so basICALLY she loves her parents v v v much & treasures the relationship they built over the years.

by the time she finished high school, she was v much set on the idea of creating a name for herself. starting a business wasn’t an option bc of how influential her parents were; sports weren’t an option either bc she didn’t have any exceptional talents (fun fact: she tried out for the cheerleading team for 3 yrs in a row only to not make the cut every single time which led to her crying at lunch ... ): #poorbby). being an influencer didn’t sound right to her either, so she went with the option that probably fit her the most - the julliard ! 

it was quite hard getting in there, mostly due to the fact that people there didn’t exactly understand why florence wanted to get into acting. it wasn’t like she needed any additional buzz to her name or more a-list events to be in attendance of, so she did have to prove that she was noth talented & sincerely interested in pursuing the career. however, it wasn’t the hardest thing she had to do to actually become the person she is today.

studying at the julliard wasn’t enough bc it didn’t make it any easier for flo to get a role. she tried her absolute damndest, used every connection she had -- yet, nothing was working. & since going to her papa for her was in no way, shape or form an option, she resorted to the worst.

bc she knew her mother was always in charge of organizing charity galas and whatnot, florence made sure to check out a list of invitees and, much to her sheer luck, she found a few familiar names of actresses and directors who rsvp’d to the event already. the night of the gala was spent with florence circling the room, looking and acting as gorgeous and charming as ever, but nothing seemed to be working bc everyone were either uninterested or just wanted her to get their name to her parents (& that wasn’t an option). however, at the end of the night she found the one. the one who lit up her star.

she didn’t go into it without thinking all of her options. she spent weeks flitring w/ the guy, going on dates and accepting gifts - everything to make it seem as if she was truly interested in him as a person. she laughed at his jokes, enjoyed his embraces - at some point, she even felt as if she could actually end up loving him. however, the moment he offered her the role of her life (plS one day i’ll actually properly headcanon that ish ... but not rn i proMISE!), whatever feelings (or whatever resembled them ...) immediately vanished.

so ! currently bby florence is basking in the newfound limelight and making sure to move further in her career... without having to resort to seducing middle-aged dudes... :-)

𝐢𝐢𝐢. 𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 

florence, like i said, isn’t exactly a multi-talented skinny legend. yea, she’s decent at skating, somewhat good at singing, is quite beautiful - nothing out of the ordinary, hence why she sometimes struggles with her confidence. and by sometimes i mean A LOT of times. but if u think she’d ever show it U R SO WRONG BABE. usually whenever she falls into her self-called pit of uncertainty and lack of confidence, florence resorts to dressing up as nicely as she can and going to the first bar that comes to her head to get a drink and attract as much attention as she can. 

she also finds comfort in cooking. sure, with her daddy’s money she could eat out for breakfast, lunch, dinner and everything in between,  but there’s something incredibly comforting in taking the time to cook something for herself. besides, she is very fond of the memories of her mother teaching her how to cook. and the times they’ve accidentally burned the food bc they were too busy talking abt random things :’) like bby can actually make a MEAN kedgeree !!!

since her father is french and her mother is american, florence is bilingual. she prefers speaking french over english purely bc of the beauty of the language, so sometimes she might just switch languages mid-sentence.

florence is also ambidextrous due to the fact that she broke her arm when she was 7 and had to wear a cast for a longer period of time since the bones couldn’t heal properly :-)

also ... v much a dog person. like, cats? EW, don’t talk to her. don’t even think of calling her KITTEN bc u will ... get ur ass handed to u

always and i mean ALWAYS !!!! wears a pearl necklace on her neck that her father gave her for her 18th birthday. and just hella obsessed w/ pearls and flowers. iDK why she just is ...

𝐢𝐯. 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

obv !!! a best friend ? like, that typical ride-or-die situation where they wouldn’t hesitate to catch the bullet for the other person

maybe a friend / some friends from high school ? either they were the ones pressuring flo to take advantage of finer things and daddy’s money or ... flo could have left them for those ppl

a rival ... who had their eyes on the role florence landed ... and now there’s just a ton of anger and distaste towards each other

exes / one night stands / flirtations ... :-)

[namelessstoryteller]

I'm not like her other friends

Recently got a message from friend I'm calling Linn. Linn was my first friend when I started High School, and I made friends with Anna and Joe, who were her childhood friends, and a chick I chatted to in homeroom named Freda, who was Linn's bff.

Two events started the downfall from me getting kicked out of this group. I felt like a taxi driver while driving Linn and Freda around on Halloween, and mentioned to Linn, hey I don't like being a third wheel afterwards. So whenever she brought up hanging out with Freda, as I was the only friend with a car, I always rejected it. The second was I brought us tickets to Impractical Jokers, our fav show that was touring in our town that year. She agreed to pay me back the 70 over time. This was the only time I ever asked her for money in the 6 to 7 years of friendship.

Linn never had much money so I hung with her and brought the tickets, the food, and the events. I hung out with her because I could always make her laugh and loved our shared interests.

However, turns out everything that was said, was shared between Joe, Freda, family, and others. I got a bf and wanted to ask her yknow girl/perverted questions, I wanted a conversation about this stuff with her as we been friends for years and I only knew her attempts at relationships. I made her feel uncomfortable with this open conversation. I apologized but I learned this was shared with everyone and I was a bad friend for not noticing the signs.

A group chat was formed later on, with Joe, Freda, Linn, rando, and a chick named Iris. I knew Iris but I really don't know what side she was on throughout this whole thing, she had conversations with both of us and sent me screenshots from Linn, so I suspect she did the same for Linn. I made a comment, like "what up b*tches" and that fucking broke Freda. Apparently I hated her and it was aimed at her. And Im insensitive (which is a bit true but I have said worst, and Linn brings this up a lot later on).

I wanted an overnight hangout for spring break, I invited Linn, Joe, his gf, Anna, Iris. Linn knew I smoked and drank, but due to the friend group, I was never planning on bringing those items along. They didnt know I only invited them, my bestie, and a HS friend. Only Iris ever drank. Only my bestie smoked.

After hearing no, I gave up and just went to the hotel with my best friend and our HS friend. I had a good time playing uno. But Linn asked to hang that night and I told her I was doing this as I had planned a long time ago.

Apparently I got blocked from the friend group (i had it muted so I never noticed), i only noticed when I got invited back and saw the messages.

"That's so messed up of you S to leave one of your real friends whose been there for you" said iris.

It been planned for a long time, it was even planned with everyone in mind.

"I don't wanna start anything bc she'll just try 2 play the victim lol" "I don't trust her with alcohol and weed. But now I kinda don't trust her with a lot of things" "I mean if you look how Savannah grew up, you see why she is the way she is...." "I didn't like her mom the moment I saw her"

No, I had party friends and a pothead cousin. The mom comment is because my mom smokes cigarettes and Linn hated the smell and called her mom to leave my house. And I moved to my grandparents years later.

"She's reckless and tbh I'm sorry to say this but she is also kind of a hoe" said Joe. The same guy who wanted me to sleep with him when I had a bf for over a year. And he even said if I slept with him (while having a gf) that he would put in a good word. Linn agrees "I only want to find a bf and sleep with him. Not sleep with the whole town"

"Ig when I hang with her again I don't want drama but I have 2 talk 2 her maybe steer her on the right path maybe she's secretly sad. And puts her pain into weed and drinking"

No, when Im sad, I talk to you or my bestie, but then that gets shared to everyone so I stopped talking to you about my feelings.

I don't remember when this happened, but I made a comment about her oversized bra as she had tiny chachas. My mistake. Everyone has body issues, and that was hers, and I spent an hour apologizing as sometimes I do run my mouth. I just felt like the bra didn't mean much if it wasnt padded, but just there for air for her body type.

Through months of talking. Getting mad at each other. Stopped talking. Unfriending each other. Of how Im not like her other friends. We agreed on a movie. I sent her a msg at 10am asking if 10pm was a good time to go see a random movie, she read the message. I never got a message back until 9pm saying she was ready. I told her, dude message me sooner I thought you ignored me and got ready for bed. And she got mad I didn't tell her I got ready for bed while she was prepared to go out. I said it's a movie we can reschedule, it's too late to drive to her home and movies especially when it's opening night. This, of course, got her mad. I said Im sorry for the miscommunication on my part.

I heard back from her 3 days later, 4 days before the Impractical Jokers. "Are you still taking me to Impractical jokers?" At this point, I'm over these issues and her so I finally stood for a battle.

I replied, "Linn, how things are looking like right now, probably not. And I don't really feel bad since it wasnt paid." I told her I didn't want to because she more focus on the tickets when we still had last arguement.

She had 5 dollars, I told her at least 25 (not even half the price but it was something) or least try to pay me in small amounts. She said she was saving up for something so 15 at most, and I repiled like you tried saving up for these tickets.

She said "Ur like my only friend who wants me 2 pay back a concert ticket. Everyone else has brought it out of just being nice. But I did agree to pay back $70 which tbh is too much. So I said $15 but Idek bc rn I have $5" "U want me 2 ask ppl hey can u give me money bc my friend wants me 2 pay her back 4 a concert? They aint gonna do that Bc they're gonna say that's ur friend's problem"

It's your problem, Linn. Not mine.

She said this should be her bday gift, and when I brought up how much I spent on her throughout the years, she said "you never had to and Plus u should kinda do that out of being a good friend not do it 4 money btw....but now ik not 2 ask u 4 shit bc ur gonna want me 2 pay u back 4 it. I wouldn't want u 2 pay me back but that's just me 💁💁"

She msg me on my phone. Went through the cycle of her saying hey I can make payments now, and me saying it's too late since I already invited someone else, "Im money hungry/i never apologized", she had family issues and is broke, stop bringing up things in the past she already apologized for (when she brought up things I apologized for). How she kept me as a friend, how loyal she was, when all of her friends and family told her to drop me, who knew every single bad detail about me, every bad secret. Yes, this came up a lot during our disputes. Even when I told her I didn't care what her friends thought cuz I wanted just us talking.

I thought we liked to hang out together, but maybe it was just me who enjoyed those times. She always wanted someone else there. Anna, Iris and Joe I was okay with just in small amounts because of gas. Plus, those guys never had money either and I can only pay for so many. Maybe I was her friend because I had a car and okay with spending money.

So yes, I'm the bad apple. I've been living with the same guy for the last two and a half years, clean from weed for the last one and a half (bf told his dad he would stay clean, i only smoked because i was always offered some by others), drinking once a month.

And then Linn messaged me on my bday, happy birthday we should hang out with anna she misses you!

Uhuh. Sure. Maybe someday.

Sorry I had to rant since apparently I always saw myself as the victim. I did fuck up with the uncomfortable questions and bra comment. I felt I had these conversations with my other friends, so why not with the friend I had for the longest. But the movie ticket, like come on seriously?

Tl;dr toxic friendship turned bad, got witchhunted by my "friends" and money hungry for a ticket I brought.

[mommydragon-of-all]

OC Interview Meme

This looks fun. Also some answers drastically differ depending on around what time this "interview” takes place. So i got thinking and since I was tagged by@sakurabunnie who’s getting to know my pre-inquisition Soren, i choose to time this before Inquisition. Then i was tagged by dear @hadiden-lavellan too, but by then i was halfway through his post, and hey why not, some looking back :) Thank you both!!!! :3333

For Soren (Lavellan):

1. What is your name?

“A lot of people have called me by a lot of names. You can call me Soren.”

2. What is your real name?

“It is actually Soren. Yep, just Soren. I lost my original belonging and i didnt take any of my families surnames. Not permanently nor in any way official.”

3. Do you know why you were called that?

“Oh well, my parents wanted a pair of short and strong names that ring together, even if they had to get a bit creative. Also, as i learned, a pair of names that can be lilted and growled equally well haha “

4. Are you single or taken?

“i am free like a bird. Does your nest have some extra space on a cold night by the way?”

5. Have any abilities or powers?

“Im a highly trained assassin, among … other things. If you ever get in trouble… *slides over a strange little object* flash this around the shady parts of any city. They will take care of the rest. But for your lives sake, do not try to lie”

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

“ I dont think i ever used that alias… “

7. What’s your eye color?

“Oohhh you are welcome to gaze into them closer, yes ;) no low light excuses, they have their own, so just lean over… “

8. How about your hair color?

“ Oh yes that is harder to tell in different lights. Its dark red, like good wine or blood from the liver .”

9. Have you any family members?

“ I have tons. If you meant blood relation… other than my twin sister i have some distant family. Literally distant even, like few and far between, out in the world. Some of us exchange awesome birthday gifts some years though, regardless of the exact date. Who has time to time that. “

(Scattered by the wind, but firmly standing like the trees)

10. Oh? What about pets?

“ Sadly animals are deadly afraid of me. It takes just a sniff to run for dear life… Even predators… it takes a special blend of proud and crazy to befriend me it seems. I would kill for such treasures. Like that Hart i once fought for an apple in that deep forest and lately rode to far destinations… i think it starts to get even attached!!! If he sticks around im gonna call him Captain. But remember, Dont go close to him! For your dear life, please dont. He is easy to recognize. Big as a mountain and looks like “Oh, Shit”. “

(’Where to, Captain?’)

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.

“ Those things are about to change. Or drop in numbers significantly in the world. Just wait. …as truly as i want to mean that, unfortunately some things never change. Like the darkness in people, festering hearts. There will always be things like betrayal, prejudice, hatred, discrimination, envy, greed, cruelty,... i could go on. People who mostly keep themselves above those shades of their nature are all worth to be protected.“

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

“ Oh there are so many awesome things in the world and so many exciting things to do! I cant even count them. Like there’s hunting dragons for one! Speaking of hunting, there is also treasure hunt and demon hunt and manhunt and wyvernhunt and countless others, the bigger and meaner the better! But then theres also MAGIC! Do you have any idea how awesome that is? Everything magic and everything it touched. Putting together and using magic objects for so many things! And spells??? Potions, lotions, weapons... And there are also PEOPLE! The most magical thing is the warm light in ones heart. And they are so various and unique! There are different languages and codes and symbols and oh the stories! And dance and music and pleasures and laughing and caring and helping and…. oh … haha… im sorry, are you awake? Please ask away. “

(’Ah, what a beautiful day!’)

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

“ I think you snoozed off and forgot about my profession already. :)  “

14. Ever… killed anyone before?

“ Hahaha oh these sharp and pointy things and stuff arent for chopping and cooking vegetables either.”

15. What kind of animal are you?

“Pfffft i am my own species! Hehe! A unique hybrid i guess! But definitely a big animal, yes. Sis’ won that argument long ago, so there you have the answer. “

16. Name your worst habits.

“Hmm? What?” (*Muffs out with one of the interviewers -already leafed through-notebooks between his sharp teeth, booth on table...*) Hey! That is… how did you… *sigh*... nevermind  

(exhibit 99: ‘”I’ll go straight there!”)

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“My sister, definitely. She is the best. She is indestructible in every way i swear! Gotta be the strongest person alive. She is also really cool. But hot. I mean explosive! Not that shes not hot, technically... she is my female version after all haha. And caring for me with great big sister love (*mumble*:even if i am like 5 minutes older), but dont spread that ;) Might harm her notoriety.  I also look up to several of my tutors and many other people for many different reasons. People can be so many kinds of amazing.”

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

“You can not expect me to label my interests in a world full of so many differently beautiful people with warm hearts.”

19. Do you go to school?

“Yes. Life. 24/7. Got less intense since i learned how to survive and sustain myself, and grew a strong body to back up my needs and will, but there are always new things to learn and lessons you never asked for too. I had some actual teachers along the way too, but lately mostly i just teach myself what i dont just encounter by diving into new things. Which is not only fun by the way, you are bound to learn a few things. Then there are books, theories, researching, digging, honing instincts and reflexes, combining and refining techniques or theories, trial and error... Life is a bottomless school “

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“Wow, wow, you mean like.. babies? Sweet Fade, i wouldnt dare breathe their way, they are so fragile... little young PEOPLE, persons who arrived so recently and understand so little and cant even tell whats up just cry and i cant understand them, i understand every language but i can not understand babies for my life and ... and... thats terrifying! And do you have any idea how EASY it is to kill someone? And then there is that small bundle of vulnerability, my proximity could be lethal to it! And .... *sigh*... sorry just... It all would depend on that special person i might find who would want to keep me for life, for better or worse, and if they wanted kids... even if babies, i would be on board. I would do anything for that special someone. Even learn baby care... Bigger kids, well, i already have :D . In good care. If any of them were to be taken under my constant and indirect care, would depend on a lot of things. Right now they are much safer otherwise.”

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

“Most certainly ;D.But none of them know much about me, of course. With that comes a transformation of those feelings”

22. What are you most afraid of?

‘Im not afraid of ANYTHING!” *eyes instantly betraying* “Fine, fine, gotta be loss. Ironic, isnt it, for i have but what is on my person. Replaceable come and goes. Im mostly afraid of losses that arent even really “mine”, but others. Loved ones or even barely known ones loosing their lives or their light. Loosing my sister, myself, my heart... that is all i am. The only thing i cannot live without is my heart, i AM my heart, and loosing pieces of it or have it broken or freezing through a hole... I hate how selfish that is. But yeah. There you go. I still tend to leave pieces of it everywhere, and it only grows with that, funny how that works, but it also tends to get wounded on every turn. I fear the numbing cold. I fear the day when i cant hold it together and go on anymore.”

(from “When you are away”)

23. What do you usually wear?

“What you see is my whole wardrobe, hahah. But i shift and change to blend in from the dirt of Orzammar’s dust town to the shining halls of Orlesian palaces. Its fun.  What i like to wear mostly are well covering clothes, that allow a great scale of mobility, but not baggy to catch on things. Made of high quality materials only. My clothes MUST be of great quality materials, more for comfort than durability. Heightened overall senses arent always fun. Oh and for outer wear i like leather, especially dragonskin stuff for light armor, and long boots are the only footwear i acknowledge, some with high heels, and a matching pair of long gloves from soft fine leather are necessary too. Long coats from mostly leather and all the necessary leather straps and harnesses and pouches and belt too of course. If it counts, all my current favorite necklaces with magical pendants and bracelets are a constant wear too. It also doesnt hurt if my clothes look great. But fine materials tailored to my body and my needs usually bring that effect without further touches.”

(*his gear gotta let his smooth ass move*)

24. Do you love someone?

“I love all good people. ...and some others”

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

"Bahahahhahaa now thats some blunt question! It deserves to be answered truthfully. I wish i could say when i was a baby, but truth is i think it happened a few times during the wilder rides of intense poison training with blood magic assistance, but im not really sure, i was barely conscious through those parts from pain and all kinds of nasty sensations, i came to my senses naked and tucked in after them. I never do extreme limit pushing training alone. There were also times when i was subject to some blood spells and experiments unwilling too. I have some suspicious blurry memories that i have made all sorts of messes. Egh. Lets move on to more fun questions”

26. Well, it’s not over yet!

“Perfect!”

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)

“I live outside of such systems. But i took part in every class during my life, thanks to current families or goals.”

28. How many friends do you have?

“Plenty, but one cant have too many. Helping each other goes a long way. I tend to make some friends everywhere i go, but i have few close friends. The closest one is my sis’. She knows me more than i know myself, and she is always there for me, at any cost.”

29. What are your thoughts on pie?

“Pie? One of the most fun cakes. It was invented for throwing i swear!”

30. Favourite drink?

“Hmmmm... old, red wine, hot and seasoned, spiced with a nice kick of that special antivan poison blend. I dont recommend you trying it, but you dont know what you’re missing out.”

31. What’s your favourite place?

“Wherever i am welcome.”

(*one favorite place example. It is not Where, it is Who*)

32. Are you interested in someone?

“I am interested in everyone. Are you fishing for some special interest?”

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

“Hahahha oh you never disappoint! Well, it was a long time ago when i last i wore a bra, back when i could still pull off the young girl appearance, to get in paces and so on. I always made sure to have a proportional but quite evident bosom. Oh it was such fun, my long hair helped too, and i dished out that act spot on! Like that time in Val Royeaux, when the heads i turned waltzing in as part of a rich antivan court were spinning all around in frantic search in the chaos, while i walked right out as a male servant. Oh sorry, i got distracted. You also asked about my “willy” if i recall correctly. If you would like to measure it so badly we can discuss that later ;) “

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

“Hmmm.... whichever promises more sunk treasures and secrets. Some lakes hide quite the surprises let me tell you.”

(’Looks like a perfect place for some diving..’)

35. What’s your type?

“My type of what, exactly, dear? ;)”

36. Any fetishes?

“I am very flexible in many ways, let me tell you, in case you are planning to bend me to your will. And if id have some suggestions, well, let it remain a little mystery for now ;p”

37. Seme or uke? Top or Bottom? Dominant or Submissive?

“Depends. What would you like me to be?”

38. Camping or indoors?

“Nothing beats a warm bed and a well secured resting place. Especially with my... condition, and experiences”

39. Are you wanting the interview to end?

“Are you kidding me? You have such awkward, uncomfortable questions... Let me get a new round of drinks for us and lets do this till morning!” “What do you mean new round... when did this cup of hot wine get here? It has my name on it??? What the... I better go i think.”

40. Now it’s over!

“What? Oh come on, we just got to some really “embarrassing” parts! Talking about “embarrassing”, would you like to hear the story of my encounter with this qounari dreadnought captain and ended up on board to Ostwick? Maybe you can tell me some stories yourself too in exchange..” *puppy eyes+shining grin combo* “Well, im not exactly in a hurry...” “Excellent!” *shifts closer and pours more wine*

I tag @quizzikemen @pelle-lavellan @hadiden-lavellan @sakurabunnie @elalavella @nipuni and everyone who wants to do it! For those who already did this consider this a tag for another OC! Gotta love them all :D (if you feel like doing it. I always feel like reading it)

[iamverysmall-andihavenomoney]

hello love!! sorry for the very late response :(((

yes my day was a lil bad, but it wasn’t the worst I guess? I mean, I was more disappointed with myself—I just passed my calculus quiz, but I knew I could have done a lot better since I knew the material well, except I panicked because of the time restriction. It kind of sucks because I’m worried my calculus mark will drop my gpa and it’s stressful bc ✨uni admissions✨ but there’s nothing I can do except hope I do well on my test tmr! it’s actually part of why I responded so late; I had a quiz today (I got 90%!!) and was studying all morning :(( I only logged into tumblr just now, but my day has already brightened reading your message🥰💓💓 (also thank you for the offer babe, but I’m feeling better now🥺💓

yes yes more brainrot please!! warning, this paragraph is just me rambling lol okok anyways mmm yes to everything you wrote but also how they hug you!! like okok going into my personal life, I’m a small bean (fun fact! I’m 4’11 and a neurologist told me I’m never going to hit 5’0”😭) and the boys are over 6’0” like??? i have childhood friends (coincidentally, twin boys who have a similar build to the Miya twins) who are over 6’0” and when they hug me they just kinda fold over me and it’s just an all encompassing hug🥺🥺 I haven’t seen them in over a year tho bc corona so this is just coming from my memories lol but anyways!! going back to our boys, I headcanon that their hugs would be just like that but even more so?? bc romantic relationships🥰🥰 n e ways, imagine back hugs while you’re cooking dinner with them after a long day and they just kinda drape themselves on you like the world’s heaviest blanket and won’t let you go to cook until whatever is on the stove begins to burn, or back hugs while you’re cooking breakfast and they sleepily nuzzle into your neck and leave little pecks on your shoulder that’s exposed bc of how oversized their shirt is on you, or you come surprise them at practice and they just sprint over and full body hug you (lifting you up and spinning you while holding you as close to them as possible) and you can’t even complain about how sweaty they are bc you’re reminded of how genuinely they love you and just hugs🥺🥺 sorry for the long ramble haha I just have so much love for these boys aaa but also I’m glad my last brainrot helped provide inspo for you🥰

OKAY WAIT I thought I was done but love letters!! (this was originally in the same paragraph but it got really long so im making it a second one sorry babes) but omg imagine them handwriting you love letters just because and I say love letters but really I guess I mean notes? (I count those as love letters tho don’t clown me 🥺) some of them are like two sentences clowning you for forgetting your umbrella leaving your house(“remember to bring your umbrella next time because ya look like a drowned rat, sweetheart”) and some of them are little reminders to drink water/eat/sleep, but on some occasions, sometimes on your actual important dates (birthdays, anniversaries) but also sometimes randomly, you’ll get a romantic ass letter talking about all the reasons why they love you and it’s all the little things you do, the small mannerisms that make you, you, like (“I adore the way your curl into me and cling to me when you’re sleepy, as if my lap is the only place you ever want to be” and “the way your tongue always slips to the corner of your mouth when you concentrate is the cutest thing ever, baby” and “the way you do everything you can to support me makes me fall even further into love with you (and I’m never going to stop loving you)” and “I know you think I think you’re crazy for colour coding your document folders, but really, I love how passionate you are about your organization system”) and I’m just dying please i want this to happen in real life🥺🥺 and omgomgomg this would be the cutest thing buT THERES MORE !! imagine that they write you love letters, all throughout your relationship, but they don’t give them to you until either your anniversary or your wedding and it’s just a massive compilation of all the thoughts they’ve had of you throughout the years, your dates, and even the unofficial crushing phase 🥺🥺 ngl I swear that there’s at least one letter talking about how frustrating it is that “you’re so cute, I can’t even coneventrate at practice >:( it’s all your fault that kita-san is lecturing me but you’re cute so I guess it’s okay” like hbshh baby please😭

I’ll do my best not to get stressed out!! we’ll see how I do tho lol but thank you for your concern ily angel💓💓

you are forever the angel baby but yes we are gonna have to agree to disagree😤 yes I will try to, lovely! take care of yourself as well; make sure you drink lots of water, eat yummy food, and get more than enough sleep! I am proud of you, as are the boys, for everything that you’ve done today💓

this was quite a long message haha and I’m sorry for how long it took me to get back to you, but take care of yourself love!! stay safe and healthy, and I’ll talk to you soon💘

–☁️

hi, sweetheart! i’m so sorry for not responding sooner! i thought i had, but apparently i didn’t — i’m not sure, tumblr isn’t being nice, today 😔🖐

i honestly can’t imagine how stressful that must be for you, sweetheart. i’m sorry your quiz grade wasn’t what you wished, but i do hope things all work out for you! 💕 i have faith that you’ll do better on the next quiz!! and i’m really proud of you for getting a 90%!! good job!! i hope you did good on your quiz today (or yesterday?) as well! 🤍 i’m sorry i haven’t posted at all, but i do have some good fluff and comfort lined up! (and okay, but never be afraid to ask 🤍)

i’m small too! not as small as you, but i’m 5’1 ans in love with that idea 🥺🥺 more brainrot though! okay okay, so lemme raise you this: hugs after they haven’t seen you in a while. LIKE HEAR ME OUT. so the boys travel, all of the time, for volleyball and games. and the olympics isnt hosted in the same country two years in a row! so i imagine the boys going away for a few weeks for it, and as much as you wanted to be there, you’d told them you wouldn’t be able to, for job related purposes. and like they understand, but they wished you could be there, bc ofc ofc they want you cheering them on. so, they’re at the olympics and they’re getting ready to start, when they spot you standing next to Hajime (either next to the coaches or in a special spot, so you stood out.) and the biggest grin breaks out on their face when they see you waving and cheering for them. and whenever the game is over and they’re able to get to you, baby is sprinting. he catches you and just easily lifts you up in his arms, showering your face in kisses. yes, he’s sweating, yes, it’s gross, but you don’t care, because he looks like an excited puppy, because you’re here and you’re his. and now everyone is staring and everyone knows that you’re his and that’s never going to change. then, he brings you to his teammates, showing you off with a proud smile and they all have a knowing smile because this is not the first time he’s done this. but it’s sweet so they deal with it.

and omg yes!! that’s the cutest thing ever! i love that so much. 🥺🥺 istg im taking notes for drabbles later, baby. that is so cute!

but also like (one of my love languages is gifts) so like. the boys aren’t used to the random items you leave. in their locker, in their gym bag, in their hoodie/jacket, when you give it back to them. they don’t know how to react at first to the gifts, which range. sometimes it’s their favorite energy drinks, sometimes it’s a new game, sometimes a stuffed animal, jewelry, or something sentimental, it all just depends. sometimes they’ll give you a gift in return, but you also let them know that they don’t have to, it’s just your way of showing you love them, and you just genuinely enjoy giving them gifts.

you better not get to stressed out, sweets 😤😤 ilyt and i want you to be happy, not stressed! 💕

i’m really proud of you for all you’ve gotten through today! and tomorrow, i’ll still be proud, because you’re you, and that’s what matters! 🥺🥺 yoh be sure to take care too. which means water, some good food, and a smile 🤍 you’re doing great, love! keep it up!!

and no no, don’t apologize! you’re good, sweetheart! just keep taking care of yourself! have a good day, sweetheart! i’m proud, don’t forget that!!

[notafeeling]

hullo here's the Longass Brooklyn Nine Nine Sanders Sides AU One Person Asked For and I Desperately Wanted an Excuse to Do ahhhHHH ive talked about this so many times but im happy to do it again because i love both these fandoms GENERAL: - they work in new york at the ninety ninth precinct as detectives - the youngest is roman, followed by virgil, then patton and then logan - thomas is in this AU but not as a detective PATTON: - think charles "washing your partner's hair is the most romantic thing you can do with your fingers" mother-hen boyle - ...minus his tendencies to talk about his frankly disgusting sex life. - he loves everyone and would do anything to protect them. even if that means taking a bullet for them. he's ALWAYS on virgil's side no matter what, and would follow him to the ends of the earth - oh my god okay virgil and patton having a jake-rosa type friendship. they met in the academy and have been looking out for each other ever since. - the only time anyone's seen patton angry is when virgil got shot. the wound wasn't too bad - more of a graze really - but he had to be held back for charging after the shooter unarmed - patton seems innocent, but nothing slips past him. the arrestees try to make fun of him but he never cracks. - one time he just talked about his day with someone he arrested in the interrogation room until they finally give up and confess to "STOP HEARING ABOUT FUCKING RAINBOWS" - he's one of the best at getting confessions, but the worst at anything athletic. he has two left feet, but is scarily accurate with a gun. (the others don't know this, and patton refuses to tell them.) - he's single but wants a kid. logan doesn't know, but when he leaves his office patton sneaks in to talk to his son (explained later) - veryyyy pan and open about it relationships: - virgil, i've already discussed. they're the tightest best friends (and most protective) that you've ever seen. patton adores virgil and often, finds him crashing at his place at 3 in the morning. patton doesn't mind, since it means virgil has finally given in and quit working for the day. - with roman, patton isn't as intense with his worrying but he is ALWAYS concerned about him. patton hates seeing him get hurt - and even worse, getting shit for being gay. patton has gotten quite a few close-minded cops fired. often, patton's the only one roman will turn to when he's going through a rough patch. - patton respects logan. it took a while for them to warm up to each other but now it's not uncommon to see pat seated inside logan's office (who has tried and failed to get patton to call him Captain Sanders. pat may be respectful but "captain" isn't in his vocabulary unless it's applied to pirates") LOGAN: - the captain of the detective squad. he was the newest addition to the ro-pat-virge friendship and took the longest to get along with them. - he's very much a holt - a frickin genius, bad at expressing emotions but understands them and incredibly... extra. - he loves annoying roman because his detective often has no clue he's doing it on purpose. virgil has more of an idea, but he's still clueless in logan's opinion. - for someone so strict, he's incredibly relaxed when it comes to any of the three using his office for games such as "who can do the most accurate and offensive impression of one of the other suckers outside this room" - more often than not he's walked in to see roman moving robotically and using sophisticated words... incorrectly. that bugs logan more than the terrible robot impression. - he loves puzzles and analysing people. however, he's slightly ashamed of the fact that he has a psychology degree. - logan's divorced and has a fifteen year old kid named thomas. rarely - very rarely - the others catch a glimpse of the teen being brought into his office by a strange woman and logan trying his best to entertain the kid all day. his worst fear is thomas being hurt because of him - he's asexual and demi(homo)romantic, but he's not open about it. he's only told roman - and that was when ro convinced him to go to the annual precinct party and he got a little drunk. relationships: - he trusts patton the most, but is closest with roman. something about his infuriating detective makes him interested in hearing whatever dramatic adventure roman went on that day. plus, he's incredibly fun and easy to get riled up. through roman's influence he's allowed himself to get closer with everyone and relax a tiny smidge. - patton, he adores. the detective is so bubbly and so much more complex than logan originally credited. patton insists on heart-to-hearts which end up with logan revealing the truth about thomas and patton saying he already knew, and explaining that he always plays with him. logan admires patton's charisma, but loathes how easily he trusts everyone. one day, patton's gonna get hurt doing that. - with virgil, they're the Salty Bros. logan finds himself sharing virgil's dislike of small talk and worry over patton. they think he'll be taken advantage of. anyways, he walked in one of virgil's panic attacks and talked him through it. ever since, virgil goes to him if not patton and logan closes his blinds and shuts his office for the rest of the day. no one is allowed in unless it's life or death as he cares for virge as delicately as possible. virgil's the second to be (accidentally) introduced to his kid because of this. VIRGIL: - he's the hardest working out of the lot of them and, when trying to solve a particularly tough case, almost refuses to go home. by day three patton intervenes and drags him to his house and forces him to sleep. - he hates people getting hurt. he blames himself every single time - it's a habit that logan tries to get him out of. patton doesn't know (or so he thinks) and roman, well, roman's the same. - virgil's sort of like an amy/gina fusion (discussed with sam). he starts off not really caring about anyone apart from patton who he's known forever, but now he'd die for them. often, he tries to take bullets (both literally and figuratively) for them. roman hates this and once, the time virgil got hit, he took refused to look at him until he finally exploded and yelled at him for risking himself like that - logan and patton steered clear of that argument and let them work it out. it ended with ro and virge crying but reconciled. - virgil is uncomfortable around young kids because he's afraid he'll somehow hurt them or teach them a new swear, but with teenagers he knows to either let them rant or mutually ignore each other on their phones. (it doesn't apply to thomas though - which struck virgil as odd. maybe more on that later?) - he's... not straight. that's all he knows and everyone thinks he's just closed about it, but they know he's not straight too. relationships: - closest with patton and trusts him the most. they've kissed once in the rush of the moment and it frustrates him that patton never brings it up (but then again, that's such a relief because virgil can't deal with emotions). above all, they're best friends. have been for what feels like forever. virgil loves patton more than anything (take that any way you want because virge can't tell which way it is either) - he and roman are the dramatic pair. somehow there's always Something crazy to talk about whenever they see each other. roman is like a brother to virgil - they fight, sure, but at the end of the day, they would kill anyone who hurt the other. - he loves complaining about things with logan. he also loves teasing him over every little thing - but logan returns it with sniping comebacks. virgil loves these. he helps logan stop stressing and is often the one who invites him out to places, knowing what it feels like to be excluded. he rants about the State of the World™ and logan pitches in with his own bits of wisdom. to virgil, logan is a comforting presence. he seems invincible to virgil (until the day thomas insults logan out of Teen Angst™™™ and his captain shuts off completely, unmoving and unable to stop virgil panicking). ROMAN: - athletic, sassy and incredibly talented. he was the first to the precinct but is the youngest (but shhh, the others are unaware considering he refuses to have a birthday party). he's the tallest though, and loves teasing them for it. - he may be gay af but he flirts with anyone his age, and often virgil or logan has to drag roman away from the holding cell ("i was just asking for proof of identity!" "you asked for his number." "...his social security number!!!") - He Has A Boyfriend (no one knows who it is. it's an open polyamorous relationship and boyfriend singular is an understatement. they'll stop by but because it's not the same consistent boyfriend the others just haven't made the connection) - he's only been broken up with once. it was his first ever longterm boyfriend, and it was a few months after he became apart of the ninety-ninth precinct. virgil saw and that's how that started talking - with virge awkwardly comforting a stranger shoving chocolate into his mouth. - roman once had to go undercover but only logan knows this (since he knows everything about everyone, not because he sent ro on it). when he came back, patton was the newest member of the squad and virgil hung around him and only him. it was lonely as fuck, but roman had learnt during his time undercover that your real emotions could never be shown. he employs dramatic gestures and sugared words to destroy the memories of the things he's done. if the world loves him, maybe he'll love himself one day. relationships: - he and virgil have since reconnected. roman lied about why he was gone for so long and virge let the topic drop. he goes to virgil to help patch him up after a chase because he knows his friend wouldn't spill. roman's bitter about virgil's relationship with patton because he was replaced, but he won't say anything. he has to be a good friend. virgil needs more support than he does, in roman's opinion. - he gifts logan puzzles with thousands of pieces. they take forever to find but he loves seeing the stoic captain smile. roman's the only one to call him captain, but nowadays he doesn't do it as often. his method of relieving logan's stress involves gossiping and trying to throw dance parties in his office. logan is the only one he trusts to talk about Memories™ with, because somehow, his captain always knows the right thing to say. - him and patton are like two peas in a pod. they're always coming up with crazy ideas and they both care so much about everything and everyone. he doesn't blame patton for virgil being better friends with him than ro, but when he and pat go out and he gets reallyyyy drunk, he tells him how much it hurts sometimes (among other things that roman doesnt remember revealing about himself in the morning) THOMAS: - he was only 12 when his parents got divorced. he mostly lives with his mum. she complains about logan a lot, so over the years he's gotten a negative opinion of him. however, recently he's started seeing his father more because he LOVES the police station. - he especially loves patton, who brings him cookies. virgil strikes him as odd but once they found they shared their love of MCR, thomas actually slips out of logan's office to seek him out. - he's actually very sweet when it comes down to it. with patton, he refuses to swear and with virgil, he swears to tell v off for swearing. a week before christmas he gives patton a bear from build-a-bear and virgil purple earphones, but he does so by leaving them on logan's desk as he and logan leave for the day, because he knows patton lets himself in and would see it and give virgil his present. - he wants to be a doctor when he grows up. he really likes helping people but also, a small part of him wants to be able to take care of his dad should the need arise. - thomas also is Aware of everything relationship-wise in the precinct (aside for anything about roman, who he still hasn't met yet.)

[punnybonessnas]

🎮 , 📚, 👻 , 💙, 🛍, 💫 , 🥂, 🎬

Mun VS Muse

🎮What genre of video games do the mun and muse like best? What are their favorite systems and video games?

RPG’s are my weakness, both turn-based and more dynamic play, long as it’s a game with a compelling storyline, characters with depth and the ability to wield a sword, I’m a happy lil’ bean. I also like more relaxing games though, like Stardew or its catalyst Harvest Moon, I’m really not too picky of a gamer, so long as it isn’t a straight FPS or anything like that, I’ll take a crack at it. As far as favorite console? I don’t think anything will ever take Gamecube’s place in my heart.

‘can’t say i’m much of a gamer, didn’t really have much in the underground, aside from the defective games that sometimes fell in the dump. i have tried a few since reachin’ the surface though, fun playin’ my bro in that kart racin’ game, even if he gets pretty rattled at me for beatin’ ‘im all the time, heh.’

📚What sorts of books do the mun and muse like to read? Do you they have a favorite author or book?

Oh goodness, I’m such a shameless bookworm. Honestly fantasy novels are definitely my cup of tea, though I do like mystery and horror stuff too, and I’ve read more than my share of romance as well. I’m currently reading the 4th Eragon book, since I never quite finished the series, though it’s certainly one of my favorites. Stephen King was my favorite author growing up, and he still holds a special place in my heart.

‘eh heh.. only readin’ i’ve really been doin’ lately has ta’ do with the surface.. researchin’ the stuff we’ve missed out on while we were underground. there’s.. a lot ta’ go through, but i’m slowly compilin’ the most important stuff that’s gone on, knowledge that might help us in the long run. tryin’ not ta’ think the same way anymore but.. know thy enemy, right?’

👻What is the scariest thing to ever happen to the mun and muse?

Even though I don’t really remember much of it, I guess the scariest thing would be when I was nearly killed as a child? I very nearly didn’t make it past my 5th birthday.. I ran through a plate glass door that I thought was open, and when it shattered and I almost tipped over and cut myself in half.. I still have a nasty scar over my knee, and a smaller one on my side.. I really am lucky to be alive.

‘my memory is really.. fuzzy bout’ it.. almost feels like a wakin’ dream.. but i know it happened. that it could happen again.. i could lose everythin’.. all over again.. an’ i have.. so much more to lose.. now..’

H-hey.. it’s okay Sans.. we’ll move onto the next question, alright?

💙What is one thing that can calm down the mun and muse? Is it a person, thing, or place?

Depending on the severity I’m.. actually kind of hard to calm down. Mainly because I try to pretend that everything is fine.. I bury my feelings because I don’t want to be a burden on my loved ones.. sometimes I’m.. scared to rely on others, I guess.. especially lately. If it’s really bad, I’ll pull into my shell.. go quiet or drop out altogether. I tried being more open but now I’m.. gun-shy. It’s much easier for me to go off by myself.. play some cathartic video games or just sleep the worst of it off.. I wish I could let others help me more easily.. but part of me fears letting anyone that close again..

‘i’m not the easiest ta’ calm down either.. takes a lot ta’ get under my figurative skin, but when somethin’ is buggin’ me.. i don’t let on bout’ it either. ‘less ya know me well.. doubt you’ll even be able ta’ tell.  papyrus always finds a way ta’ help though.. even if he doesn’t know what’s wrong. an’ i.. find undyne’s presence just as.. calmin’ lately too.. i really don’t deserve either of em’ but.. i can’t begin ta’ express how thankful i am ta’ have them here.. heh..’

🛍What sort of things do the mun and muse usually shop for? What is the last thing either of them bought?

I admittedly very rarely shop for myself, aside from food and the like. I’m much more content buying gifts for friends, especially the stuff they really need. If I do get anything for myself, it’s usually for some charity drive from my favorite Youtubers, or a replacement for something that’s gone out. Like the last thing I bought for myself, a new headset.

‘i’m the same way, i get much more outta buyin’ stuff for others than i do myself. ‘specially for paps and my close friends. not that i’m completely against splurgin’ on pizza or somethin’ now an’ then.. there’s a lotta stuff we couldn’t get in the underground that i’ve come ta’ enjoy.’

💫How does either mun or muse handle being sick? Do they need someone to take care of them, or are they capable of taking care of themselves just fine?

It’s a bit of a toss-up, when I’m not feeling well, my dad usually tries to do what he can to help, but I really kind of isolate myself if I’m sick, more than anything I’ll just take medicine and try to sleep it off. But if I’m scheduled to work, I’ll usually still try to drag myself in. I suppose I have a bit of a stubborn streak.

‘i’ll usually just sleep through off days too.. be it actual sickness or just.. my stormier moods. don’t wanna subject anyone ta’ that.. better off alone durin’ those times..’

🥂How is either the mun’s or muse’s alcohol tolerance? What are their favorite alcoholic drinks?

I’ve only been drunk twice in my life, and both times I had pretty strong liquor.. since the taste of beer is absolutely disgusting to me. Even though I was super giggly and couldn’t walk a straight line to save my life, I was still coherent at least, so I guess my tolerance is pretty good? I found I really like the taste of cinnamon schnapps if anything. 

‘i’m not much of a drinker.. usually only takes a couple shots of the hard stuff ta’ knock me on my tailbone, though i guess my tolerance fer’ beer is a little better. i’m a black-out drunk though.. so it’s rare that i’ll indulge.. don’t wanna make a total fool of myself. my drink of choice? guess i’m partial ta’ whiskey, kinda like the burn goin’ down.’

🎬What genre of movies do the mun and muse like best? What are their favorite movies? Do they prefer watching alone or with others? Do they prefer watching at home or in the theater?

Ahhh! Gosh I’m such a Disney and Ghibli nerd! That said I really like animated movies, or comedies and films based around animals. I’m not that big of an action fan, and horror movies are usually too much for me to handle. I prefer watching with others, but it’s not like I mind enjoying a movie by myself, especially if I need the solitude. I definitely prefer viewing at home though, I just don’t like going out in general, crowds of people make me anxious. As for my favorite movie? It will probably always be Spirited Away.

‘i’m a.. pretty big offender of just straight fallin’ asleep through movies. doesn’t matter what it is.. if i’m comfy an’ relaxed, chances are it’s gonna happen. i even doze off durin’ horror movies.. though i guess that isn’t all that surprisin’, papyrus gets scared easily, an’ cuddles always put me out. i.. actually can’t remember the last time i watched one all the way through.. eh heh..’

[kilgodarchive]

guys i just...i still have some birthday messages in my askbox and like i don’t mean to get cliche bc this is like a super fun day and like i’ve been getting to talk with all y’all but like...i’m so fucking emotional rn??? i was talking abt this with a few of my friends this morning when i woke up at the fucgkin ASS CRACK OF DAWN but i just. usually shit happens in my life prior to my birthday and it’s been pretty consistently for the last 7-8 years or so bc anyone who knows anything abt my own personal experiences is gonna know that i’ve had really, really, really shitty friends. and i’ve had some shitty, shitty, shitty ass times on this website and some of them i did myself bc i hated myself so much and had so many image issues and just...i look at where i am now and the people i’ve met and the people i get to talk to from today onwards and it makes me so...like i’m deadass gonna fuckign cry and i wanted to make a big thing but i’m so fucking tired and i just...i just want you all to know how much i love you all and how fuckign much i honest to god care about you and the people who have??? been there for me??? like??? three years ago i would never have fuc gkin given my MOBILE to people id met on tumblr and now i run chats w a small handful and i just feel so...i feel so blessed and i just hope y’all know how much u make my heart fucking hurt in all the absolute best ways. i want so badly to sit down and draft every single name an url of the people who have ever been by my side but i’d like to not gift myself a headache and a roundabout case of anxiety from worrying abt the names i forgot and trying to add them all in aND ITS NOT THAT I DON’T LOVE YOU BECAUSE HO MY GOD DO I FUCKING LOVE YOU, but there are some key people that i just...i really need to thank today.

@properlycool​ jack...buddy...my fucking nemesis of nemesi...you’re the first person i ever started talking to outside of tumblr and i still can’t decide as to whether it was the best or worst decision of my life lmaooooooo. for reals tho, i fuckgin??? love u??? you’ve been such a light in my life and such an amazing creative inspiration and writing partner to the point that @baddydoctor​ literally would not exist without you, and neither would my fucgkin feels because you STOMPED THEM OUT AT LIKE 2:00 A.M. WITH THE FUC KIN GALLIFREY TRIP FUCK U AN UR SALTY ASS GALLEY FRIES THAT I’M ALWYAS GONNA SHARE WITH YOU SO HAND ME A FUCKGIN PLATE!!!!!1!!!!! most esteemed lady emma elizabeth aster out *mic drop*

@abittangledup​ fu cgkin l00zer. deadass wakin me up at noon to scream at me abt a Very Important Jessica Jones Newsbreak that i didn’t even register until like TEN MINUTES AFTER YOU WOKE ME UP GJAKLFDSAF im a fuckgin hot mess in the morning but its...it’s so weird and it’s so cool that i’ve ended up talking on the phone with you the longest and screaming FUCK really loudly at each other and venting about shit and the fact that i’m still waiting for my drunk phone call at 3:00 am scuse u flkdjaglksa leading me on this waY but for reals tho???? fuck dude i just...i love you a lot and i’m amazed you’ve wanted to write shit with me like you literally kno the fuckin meme i am how are you still h eRE????!?!??!?!?!??!? but because you’re here please don’t ever leave ok? i’m constantly praying for you that you’re ok at work and that you’ll pass your tests like the total boss you are and i love you so, SO fuckign much dude.

@kintsukis​ ht i s mot he rufc ker. h t IS  MOTHE RFUC GKINER RI GHT HE RE bich i’m gonna fight all ur depression goblins one by fuCKIGN ONE THEY CAN ALL COME THE FUCK AT ME RIGHT NOW I’M READY TO GO THEY CAN CATCH MY CHARLIE DAY HANDS FJDGSALKJFDSA again tho like, for the reals? you’re a fucking starshine. i wake up sometimes an see ur wiggles or ur smanches an i die a little bit inside bc you deserve the actual fucking world and i am just...so glad i was able to make you laugh and help you to calm down on one of the shittiest days i’ve seen in awhile and that you trusted me to do that and sat through my meme ass verbally makin doinks on the phone like what the shit??!!??!? you fuckin all-star. hey hey now. getcha game face on.

@timmgutterson​ / @gotitmemorised​ u fuc gkin weasel worming ur way onto this list sO FUCKIGN DESERVEDLY??? you are literally the victor to my ophelia, the axlotl to my david haller an i die bc you are just...fUCK DUDE UR SO FUCKIGN TALENTED LIKE EVERYONE ON THIS LIST IS BUT LIKE DUDE....DUDE YOU’RE SO GOOD AT THE WRITING THING IM MAD....except i literally cannot ever be mad at u bc i picture lil darling ophelia morningstar an i die a little bit inside and basically i’d crack open a couple of juiceboxes with you anyday. our time zones are whack but if anything it just makes it all the more spicy aight. i just....and like i feel this way abt everyone but i just feel like there aren’t enough words to describe the love i have for you? like i’d trust u with my hands. it only sounds weird because it is, but so am i. i’m weird. fuckgin deal. and i love you. so double deal.

@cutiecxbe ok i LEGITIMATELY donut have the words i wish i did for you, the way you literally kickstarted a new chapter in my life so i could flip the paiGE HAHAHA I SPECIFICALLY WORKED UP TO THIS MY LIFE IS COMPLETE I HAD TO MAKE THAT PUN AT LEAST ONCE OK I MEan like that joke is probably my fav of urs ok thtas ur fckin contact name in my phone is flip the paige an idk if ur workin with the doggos atm but god i just...like God literally put you in my life for such a reason and you have been there almost since the beginning of all the tumbles, which is so fuckgin ins a ne to think about, but you’re kind of the reason i still have my tenth doctor blog even now im literally sticking around for u in case the muse comes back but i just...god i really don’t have the words. i want to and i dont and i just.....i love you sm.

@springmother / @ahgodwinks / @secondsmiled / where even the fu gk are you wHERE ARE EITHER OF US ANYTIME LIKE GJDSLAKFDSAFA a spOok i e duo if ever there was one. the scully to my mulder, the mark to my jack, the underoos to my tony stank, the lenny to my david, the rhett to my link ( dude i swear to god it’s literally us u need to watch the brosectomy it’s us but with dicks ), the matthew fuckgi n campbell to my timothy james LITERALLY THE ANYTHING TO MY OTHER ANYTHING OK LIKE....DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I FUGKIN LOVE YOU. WILL YOU EVER UNDERSTAND. WILL I MYSE  FL EVER UNDERSTAND. PROBABLY NOT. PROBABLY NEVER. BUT YOU ARE SUCH....DUDE WE HAVE SEEN SOME MTOHERUCKIN SH I T TOGETHER AND I’M JUST SO FUC KGIN PROUD OF YOU AND I’M SO HUMBLED BY YOU AND IM JUST...I’M AMAZED UR THE ONE I GET TO CALL BEST FRIEND THE WAY I DO, AND I JUST....GJSKAFDSALFKJSAGSA goddamnit i just cu gkin love u sm you are so important in my life never change ever at all ur not allowed and ur litERALLY STUCK WITH ME UR THE ONLY IRL FRIEND NOT MOVIN AWAY SO GET READY 2 FILE FOR RESTRAINING ORDER BC IM GONNA GROW ON ALL UR MENTAL WINDOWS AND PROBABLY ACTUAL WINDOWS LIKE A FUCKGIN FUNGUS YOU WILL N O T PRY ME AND UR JUST!!!! GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT IM NOT CRYIGN U ARE

[we-do-recover-together-blog]

so its been a slow start on here but i havent had this tumblr for more then 24 hours still trying to figure out how to use this thing but i figured id tell a little bit about my story, when i was young i used to live with my mom my grandma aunt and uncle, mom was 17 when she had me and well at the least to say she wasnt quiet ready to be a mother then. she was always out with friends and partying and would leave me wit my aunt or uncle. i was very close with my aunt if anything she was the closest thing to a mother figure i had in my life i felt safe with her, the only person i ever felt safe with was her and that still stands to this day shes the only person in the world that never turned her back on me and never gave up on me she always took me out before valentines day to get gifts for my little crushes threw out school i could tell her things i couldnt even tell a best friend or counselor she was my safe haven. But sometimes my uncle would baby sit me and he would do inappropriate things to me and touch me and i was so young and i didnt know it wasnt okay i didnt know wwhat it was at all really until i got older and i was ashamed of it and felt like less of a man and really it took till i was about 21 years old to finally come out and say it of course i was only strong enough to say it to the only person i trusted to keep it a secret i was and still am a little bit ashamed of it and its something i need to work on but back to my story eventually with my mom struggling with addiction herself she would get kicked out of my grandmas sometimes so she would grab me put me in the car and we would just drive around all night i cant tell you how many countless nights i spent in the back of her car sleeping or at some strangers house., well eventually i cant remember how old i was exactly but i guess she just got tired of being the part time mom she was and i remember her bringing me to visit my dad who lived with my other grandma grandpa my uncle and my 2 aunts well we walked in the door and everyone was there in the living room just talking but as soon as they saw us it was like the world stopped and they just stared at us well turns out my mother was going on a vacation for a week with her new boyfriend well it turned out that week turned into weeks and longer with out calls or anything she just took off eventually one day we got a call and its the first time i can remember talking to her since she left and she was in jail she came back into my life sorta kinda just in and out until i was in 7th grade thats when i started t get out of control and full of anger and hate and was very rebellious the typical im gonna do what i want when i want how i was and no one can tell me shit about it getting suspended from school getting into fights you name it that was me i was a jerk of a brother a mean son and a worst nightmare for people i didnt like i wasnt scared of anything weather it was fighting jail or cops for years my mother was asking me to give her another chance and move in with her she was never around or home and she didnt really care what i did so i moved in with my mom and from there i fell into a group of older kids that liked to do drugs and fight and pretty much do any and everything that you shouldnt do and to me it was fun i felt cool and ilike doing whatever i wanted if i got arrested my mom wasnt home to ground me or atleast enforce it so i just continued to do whatever i wanted countless arrests and suspensions from school and the drinking and drugging i didnt realize till my most recent years the older kids were just using me because i wasnt really scared to do or say anything perfect little side kick well eventually my mother found a bowl i hadfor getting high and she kicked me out so i moved back to my home town but with my grandparents they are the sweetest souls i have ever met but they were old school and were not very strict so smoking pot and drinking where completely normal especially in my family i first overdosed when i was 15 years old i took about 70 something sleeping pills that the kids in my town started taking because they were untraceable on a drug and blood test like i said that was just my first overdose and yes it terrified my family but didnt faze me one bit not even a year later when i was 16 i overdosed on pcp started hanging out in a bad neighborhood and doing just about any and every drug available even after watching one of my bestfriends drop to the ground from the pcp just minutes before i did i woke up in a hospital bed still unfazed by it honestly i think a part of my thought it was “cool” and at that point i thought well i over dosed twice and still woke up so nothing can touch me at that point i was so wrapped up in drugs that my emotions were non existing and my thought process was just fuck it.the drinking and drugging just got worse the partying continued the arrests never ended cant think of a night that didnt end in running from the cops when i was 17 i first tried heroin i had a friend that sold it and we would go drink at his house and i found some in the bathroom so i tried it and well at the least to say that was the day my life completely i slowly continued to use it but not to the point where i needed it atleast i thought that shortly after i found out that 2 of my cousins were using heroin to of course i didnt tell them i was until we ended up running into eachother in the ghetto so we all started getting high together hiding in abandon buildings and shooting up heroin at this point smoking crack and shooting up cocaine too, two days in a row i overdoses on heroin and xanax the people i was with ran my pockets when my breathing stopped and threw me on the side of the roadluckly i was found by someone and brought to a hospital still wasnt fazed when i woke up and went home went to sleep woke up the next day and got high again in all of these events i was also in and out of the county jail like it was my second home eventually my family got on my ass so i went to a rehab for 28 days just to get them off my back, first day home i told my grandpa i was going to see a few friends and went right back to getting high the same day i got out of rehab. i started hanging out with this girl i met in rehab second time we hangout i end up overdosing again on heroin and alcohol thats when i found out i had hep C but im sure if my track record doesnt prov to be the same that didnt faze me either right back to using eventually i get arrested and charged with 3rd degree burglary get locked up in the county for two months and it violates my juvenile probation and i get sent to a juvenile prison, i stay there for about 18 months while im there my cousins are hanging out and one of them over doses and my cousin and our “friend” freak out instead of calling an ambulance they clean her up and tuck her under a blanket in the hotel room they were in and they leave her a few days later room service finds the body i find out about a week later and well i think the fact of being in jail and not seeing it with my own eyes just made it hard to believe that the cousin that used to babysit me that grew up with me was gone forever and i never got to say goodbye..and it doesnt stop there maybe two weeks later i get a letter and find out my other cousin killed herself. she just couldnt handle the shame she felt for leaving my one cousin in that hotel room .not gonna really get into details about how i felt after losing both of them because its almost impossible to describe.about a year later i finally get out and i move in with my aunt her fiance and my baby cousin i was on parole so i had expectations to meet like outpatient counseling so about 2 months after being out im doing good staying clean doing good with outpatient and my curfew well i wake up the day after my 21 birthday i wake up to a text that my bestfriend of 18 years is dead and that  pretty much destroyed me and broke me down i started drinking and skipping outpatient or showing up drunk i shut down and pushed myself into the dark again i was trying to get parole to violate me and send me back i just gave up but it never happened and the day i got off i moved out of my aunts and with my friend in philly well that was all just party party party. at the time i was talking to a girl who i thought at the time was my life partner and all that bullshit but i was just blinded by after 2 years of nothing but jail and parole rules she was just the first female who gave me her attention well while i was in philly we were all drinking and me and her broke up i was drunk and emotional and i well i went into the bathroom and i took 3 90 count scripts of depression medicine and i took them all i took 270 pills give or take a few and tried to kill myself 10 minutes after i took them i blacked out well all i can say is i must have a a seriously bad ass guardian angel or i have a very big and meaningful purpose in life because i woke up the next day weak unable to move and throwing up non stop all the pills i took. it took me about three days to get back to me then i went back to jersey with my uncle not long after that i get hooked back on heroin and cocaine again and my life just well i can say i never been so low the insanity of it all is just well insane everyday i woke up and NEEDED drugs in one day i would think a million times how much happier i would be if i just ended the suffering if i just drove the car into the wall as fast as i could and just end the suffering, my mind was such a dark scary place i wouldnt wish it on anyone and if i didnt always want to get high just one more time if i didnt want to feel that rush one more time im sure i probably would have killed myself, one day i was getting high with my gf at the time and i was just i dont really know what happened but its like time froze and i saw who i was when i got out of jail and how bad things got and how far out there i was so i reached out to the only person i knew i could trust and that would help me my aunt and the next day she checked me into a hospital and i detoxed there while i was there my aunt and my mom found me a halfway house to move into..out of state, they didnt want me to end up like my cousins did the found me a sobor living home and a plane ticket and they went above and beyond to save me. so i moved and i was terrified that id fail i was in the halfway house for about 3 1/2 months to 4 and i turned into a completely different person that i never thought i could be i was happy and going to meetings and sharing and i met a girl and i fell head over heals for her the second i laid eyes on her shes been strong for me stood by my side and made me believe i could be more then a guy working as a cook and just barly making it that i can have that nice house and i can g=have a nice car or go back to school that i can build a family of my own it took me a while to realize or should i say believe in myself to be honest i didnt start fully believe in myself until 2 months ago since me and her have been together i have stolen money from her to get high on multiple occasions i have lied to her and flipped her brand new mustang going to get high i have snuck out and left her alone in bed to go get high she bought me a plane ticket to go home on my birthday for a week to see my family and my first day home i overdosed on heroin i have left her on three occasions because i broke the law and went to jail the first time was for 2 months for aggravated assault and she answered every call wrote me letters came to every court date she visited me and she stayed by my side the whole time.not even 5 days after i got out i stole her car and money to get high even after everything she did for me a month later i got arrested again and charged wit domestic assault for splashing her with water yea i know it sounds stupid but i was piss drunk and got out of control well she bailed me out of jail my drinking continued to get worse and i came home one night from work very very drunk and i snapped and i actually put my hands on her i hit the woman that did nothing but stand by my side and believe in me and give me chance after chance she carried my child the first time i went to jail and we lost it from all the stress she was under from supporting her child and paying rent all on her own a few months after she bailed me out we got pregnant again our own little baby boy Carter well our little baby boy wasnt so healthy and was in pain so we had to make the decision to abort it was what we thought best for him while she was pregnant i went behind her back and was talking to a female that i shouldnt have been talking to and said things i shouldnt have said while being in a relationship with this wonderful woman who has done nothing but fight for me and stand by my side well on july 27th i went back to jail again and stayed for about 2 months for violating my probation still this woman stood by my side answered every call and again came to court this was when i finally realized i was still being defeated by my addiction and while in jail i decided im not gonna be that person i was because i have a choice it is my life and i wont be weak anymore i started going the the steps again for real this time and taking every step to better myself and well guess who bailed me out of jail again? you guessed it she did and now i have been home for 6 days and i have trouble sleeping so i decided to make this blog to share my story help others like me most importantly help myself and not i am sitting in bed next to my girlfriend and my only thoughts are why didnt i take advantage of this time with her and also how easy recovery can be if you really try i mean we tried pretty hard to get high or stay high just half of that effort will save your life its saving mine usually nights like this id be searching the house for a car key that my gf has to hide from me so i dont steel her car but today all i care about is spending and enjoying every moment with this woman and what would be my next step that would be best for my family and me its gonna be a long road and a hard fight but i know i can do it just like i know you can do it stay strong everyone never give up and remember you are worth it and you are worth saving