#so if we wanna do literally anything we kinda have to subscribe to some part of it

[drop-dead-dropout]

shut the fuck up annoying ass centrist

leftist media discussion: "While this show said "trans rights" directly without any ambiguity, one plot element of this children's show could be considered morally questionable after 25 degrees of separation, so the author must be a heckin fascist"

right wing media discussion: "Well it happened. The reboot of Female Protagonist Fights Unsubtle Allegory for Capitalism That I Was Too Young to Notice as a Kid -our last bastion of apolitical entertainment- has gone woke because they made a supporting character black"

centrist media discussion: "did you see the latest episode of Sword Hero Cleanses the Undesirables on crunchyroll? best show of the year imo"

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part One. George: the definition of “hello, have you met my friend?”

warnings: none word count: 1568 (not including pictures) *** Bugsy is Y/n’s username! I got too attached to change it to y/u/n so change it in your mind if you’d like :) 

behind the screen (irl dream x reader) series masterlist

ultimate masterlist

-

Y/n sighed lightly as she set her phone on the desk in front of her. Her eyes traveled back to her monitor, where George was sharing his screen on Discord as he practiced speedruns. Y/n and Sapnap were on call with him to keep him company.

The cold air around her nipped at her skin, sending chills and bringing goosebumps. She pulled her hoodie closer to her body, tucking her feet on her chair to curl herself in a ball.

"This run sucks," George mumbled. "I thought it was going to be good."

"It would have if the village actually had anything useful," Sapnap commented. "There was a lava pool at spawn and everything."

"What do you think, Bugsy? Should I start over?"

She hummed, squinting at the screen. "Yeah, you should."

He left and started a new run.

"Karl's replies on Twitter are always so funny," Sapnap giggled after a few moments of silence. "He's so formal."

"I love that kid. That's my best friend right there, no cap," Y/n said with a smile. She and Karl had been friends for a few years now. They met through their parents being friends and shortly found out the other streamed and quickly bonded over that as their fanbases grew.

"Did you see Wilbur's response to your tweet?" Sapnap asked. "Man wrote you a letter."

"What did the tweets say?" George asked, half-listening as he focused on his run.

Sapnap read them and George laughed through his nose. "How could you ask for a Minecraft boyfriend while you're literally on a call with us while I'm playing Minecraft?"

"Just keeping my options open," Y/n laughed. "Don't worry, I'm wearing a GeorgeNotFound hoodie as we speak."

"I'd be worried, George. There are quite a few proposals in the responses."

"Shut up," Y/n muttered, a smile on her face that she was glad neither of them could see. "George, you remember my roommate is in love with you, right? Don't upset her by being jealous of boys coming after me."

"You're an idiot," George breathed out in a laugh. "No, she's not."

"She is. Very much."

"No, no, she isn't."

"George," Sapnap sighed dramatically. "Just accept that you can be loved."

"You're both idiots, okay?" George laughed awkwardly. "This seed is terrible," he groaned.

"Wait!" Sapnap yelled. "Village on the left!"

George quickly turned and ran towards the village to loot it. Y/n watched with Sapnap as George found iron and a few other valuable things.

"Oh! This might be okay."

"Bugsy?" Sapnap asked slowly, sounding confused.

"Sapnap?" she replied in the same tone.

"Have you not met Quackity?"

"No. What made you ask?"

"I just saw his response to your tweet."

"Why are you two on your phones? I'm speedrunning!"

"Because you still haven't made it to the nether on any of them," Sapnap bit. "How are you best friends with Karl and you haven't you met Quackity?"

"I dunno. I just haven't. There's a lot of people I have only spoken to through Twitter replies."

"Like who?" George asked.

"Why are we only talking about me?" Y/n asked in slight frustration. She wasn't fond of talking about herself because she wasn't used to it. "This is George's stream."

"Well, now I'm really curious so I wanna talk about this," George laughed. "Who haven't you met?"

"I dunno!" she said, flustered. "Quackity, Wilbur, Dream, Tubbo, Tomm-- wait, no I met Tommy. He yelled at me."

"Wait, wait, what?" Sapnap interrupted.

Y/n paused but neither of them said anything. "What?"

"You haven't met Dream?" George asked, sounding equally as confused.

No one said anything. "No? Why is that surprising. I mean, we've joked through tweets and stuff but I've never played with him or actually spoken to him."

"What about DMs and stuff?" George asked.

"Nope. Dream is just thirsty in my replies like Wilbur," she joked, feeling the anxiety of the awkward pauses seep through her skin and touch her bones. Why were they being so weird about it? "Why is that so shocking that a man with, like, 15 million subscribers has never spoken to me?"

Sapnap laughed. "I'm just genuinely surprised that he hasn't reached out to you before."

"Yeah, me too," George agreed. "He talks about you in a way I thought you guys were good friends. And you're friends with us so I just assumed you were friends with him too."

Y/n laughed, nervous at the mention of being talked about. "Well, he must be a pussy or something because I have yet to receive any acknowledgement from Dream Was Taken besides him occasionally replying to my tweets and Instagram pictures."

George laughed suddenly, making Y/n look at the monitor with George's screen quickly, which wasn't moving. "What happened? Did you find something?"

"No," George's screen began moving again and he started building a portal. "Dream just texted me because he's watching the stream."

"What did he say?" Sapnap asked.

"He said, 'can I join the call? I don't want Bugsy to think I'm a pussy'," George answered, lowering his voice to a mumble before adding, "And something else he'd probably kill me if I said out loud."

Sapnap and George laughed at Y/n's silence. She was only joking, not intending to challenge him to talk to her. Honestly, she was relieved he had never spoken to her because he intimidated her. Meeting people made her nervous and Dream was no different. If anything, he was worse because he was a big deal and he kinda flirted with her sometimes, which gave her butterflies in a way she didn't like.

"I'm adding him to call," George announced.

"Wait, you're not going to check if I'm okay with meeting him live in front of 80,000 people?" Y/n asked with a small, nervous laugh.

"No, because it's my stream. I can do what I want. I can't live another second knowing you two have never talked."

"I think Bugsy's scared!" Sapnap coeed.

"I think so too!"

"You wish," Y/n muttered.

A small sound emitted from Discord, notifying everyone that someone joined the voice chat.

"Hello Dreeaamm..." George dragged out as he navigated the nether. "I made it to the nether, Sapnap. Will you get off your phone now?"

"Yeah, I guess. Hi Dream!"

"Hello," Dream said casually. "Hello, Bugsy."

Y/n lowered in her chair more, pulling her hood up and closing it tight over her eyes. No one could see her but his voice made her feel seen.

Sapnap giggled and George laughed. Dream breathed out a laugh. Y/n responded with a small, "Hi."

"Bugsy, you're such a liar!" Sapnap called out. "You are so scared."

"Shut up, Sapnap!" she chuckled.

"Scared of what?" Dream asked innocently.

"Meeting you," George answered. Traitor.

"Forgive me," Y/n started, sitting up in her seat and pulling open her hood to watch George play, "for being nervous to meet Mr. Speedrun in front of a huge live audience." She decided to joke around to hopefully ease the nervousness under her skin. "I'm just worried he's going to flirt with me again and I'll have to embarrass him in front of everyone by rejecting him again."

They all laughed.

"I mean, you already said Karl was in the lead for being your Minecraft boyfriend, so I really have no shot," Dream said.

"As if I'm letting some girl named Bugsy steal my fiance!" Sapnap yelled.

"Ah!" The attention was ripped away from Y/n as George screamed. Y/n looked at the screen, watching as her friend was getting attacked by a hoard of zombie pigmen.

"Why did you hit one, George?" she teased.

"I didn't mean to! AHH!!" he screeched, making everyone laugh. "STOP ATTACKING ME!"

"George!" Dream laughed. "Just run, you won't be able to kill them all!"

"I'm trying!" George fell in lava and screamed again. His death appeared on the screen and Y/n could hear him slam his desk. "That run was so good until the zombie pig came out of nowhere."

He started a new run and it was quiet for a moment before Dream's soft voice spoke again. "Well, Bugsy. I hope you forgive me for taking so long to speak to you."

"I-I was just kidding about you being a pussy," she mumbled, making him laugh.

"No, it's true. I was."

"Come on, Dream, sliding in my DMs is easy," she joked. "You could have if you wanted to."

"Trust us," George laughed, "he wanted to."

"What?" Dream asked George loudly, making Sapnap laugh.

"Dream, you talk about her all the time. George and I were both led to believe you were already friends based on how you talk about her."

"How I talk about her? What does that mean?" Dream sounded defensive and it made Y/n smile.

"You're always like, 'Bugsy did this' and 'Bugsy tweeted that', and 'I have to do a face reveal before Bugsy does because she'll outshine me'," Sapnap teased.

"Okay, the last one? I never said that. You're lying about that."

"But the rest of it is true?" Y/n teased.

"Look, you play good and your tweets are funny! I didn't come on here to get bullied, oh my gosh."

**********

A/N: this is my first time attempting a social media fic so the theme of this series is gonna be ignore the number of likes/retweets and stuff just know that y/n is a much smaller streamer she only gets a lot of likes and stuff when it involves other mcyt ya know okay fun times 

Please give feedback!! I hope you enjoy it!!! I don’t have a schedule right now but I might in the future if this series gets a lot of attention :) as of right now i’ll try to update at least once a week! 

NEXT

[halfusek]

Hey, can you please explain to me what exactly NFTS's are? I've been trying to find information about it but all I can find are articles screaming about how horrible you are if you support them, without actually giving me any information about what they are and what the actual harm is. If you could explain or provide me with links about what they are, I'd greatly appreciate it :D

i'm not gonna explain it in professional terms because i'm not gonna pretend i have any sort of expertise in the crypto language area but also i think keeping it symple is better

NFTs are links to digital assets, those digital assets most often are digital artworks hence why you often see those ugly monkey images because the person doing them sells them as NFTs (so they don't really sell the image but the link to that image); but they can also be photos, videos, audio files, screenshots, etc etc

those links aren't like image links you can get from right clicking on a picture, they are unique and encrypted, and their encryption is a very complex process that uses a lot of resources, hence making NFTs results in high emissions

and that's the problem people mostly point out about them, that they ruin the environment, but i feel this argument can be too weak if you don't go deeper into the subject so let's go a little deeper

because this argument has its counterpart that using social medias such as twitter, tumblr, or even real world money also has its emissions

but the thing is *anything* digital uses energy and leaves its carbon footprint because everything uses energy

so we kind of need to consider what things do we want to use and perhaps what we even need to use

think about what social medias are used for, a lot of them are used for connecting people you wouldn't otherwise be able to easily contact, they can be used for spreading social awareness, for organising events, not to mention communication in companies but also other sources of income like artists advertising their commissions and other users being there being potential customers, like it's only a few examples of how it's worth it to have those running that have their own share in emissions

real world money, hate it or love it, we literally could not just pull the plug for it any day without any preparation for it because so much depends on it

now let's take NFTs and what their general use is and honestly crypto in general

until recently it was used as an easy way to get very rich (most times by already rich people) because you didn't have to pay taxes for it, but now everything will need to be reported to the IRS or you will face the consequences and you'd think well that's normal well it was not normal to the cryptobros to which this is a huge L

which is also linked to using crypto for money laundering and shady businesses. not good stuff

another thing is how the process of getting rich with these works... it's not stable in the slightest, and after you buy one you need to find someone to sell it to, but if the price goes down before you do, then you lose money (often a lot of it); which is hard to call anything else than scamming

i've heard that NFTs can be used to support artists which uh. you can just. commission them? or subscribe to their patreon or use any other service like kofi, like this kinda stuff has already been there so i'd kindly wanna ask people who use this argument to fuck off because most artists don't want anything to do with that shit (and if they do they're greedy cock suckers sorry not sorry)

that's not really for NFTs, more for shit like bitcoin but crypto mines are bumping up the prices of graphics cards which Sucks because that's one of the most vitals parts of any computer

and more on crypto in general again, it's like money 2.0, but more useless, less stable, empowering shady rich people, and yeah sure some random "normal" folks get rich thanks to them but you are literally better off investing in some company

then at least you are contributing to something, idk find a nice startup company that you wanna see grow, with those you have more guarantee to get your money back and you don't contribute to a useless nasty fucking scheme that consumes way more energy than it's worth

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 11]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, dom!seungcheol, daddy kink, fingering, oral(fem receiving), overstimulation, a little angst/mentions of theft, but some soft lovin for the masses after the last chapter 😭😭💕, also i think this goes without saying but just in case! There won’t be any Cherry Bomb chapters going up while Monster Mash is happening(same for the drabble game)! So this is our last chapter until Nov 6th!🥺 HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!!!🍒 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - ?

“Well… Welcome home.”

Seungcheol shoots you a small smile from behind as he watches you trudge past him towards the bed. He toes his shoes off quietly before setting your things down by the sofa, a soft sigh on his lips.

“Seungcheol, are you really sure about this? Really, I can just get a hotel...”

He sits with you on the bed; arm draped around your shoulder as he tucks you into his side. “We’re really going to need to figure things out pretty quickly but… yes. I’m sure. I mean, even if it’s just temporarily until you can find a safer place to live in. Which, by the way, can we talk about that? If you’re okay with it.”

Biting your lip, you slightly pull away as you peer up at Seungcheol. He takes note of your puffy, red eyes; a frown of his own painted on his face. He could hear your sniffles the entire ride back home but he decided to not say anything, in fear of exacerbating the situation.

“I---It happened a couple months ago. Do you remember that week I was doing a stream per day as a thank you gift for my subscribers? Well, I stepped out one afternoon to run some errands and---and when I came back, the door was just ...ajar. But also, nothing was really missing? Just a few things here and there I knew I wouldn’t miss and my filming camera. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but the cops came by to take a statement anyway...”

“Didn't you stream that night though?”

You nod shamefully, “I know I shouldn’t have, but I figured since nothing stolen was really irreplaceable. And I had a spare camera I ended up using so I thought it’d be okay.”

The two of you sigh in unison, settling into the quietness of Seungcheol, and now, your apartment. “Well, I’m glad you’re safe. That’s the most important thing, right?”

“Yeah, and I’ll help with the bills and stuff, ‘Cheol! We’ll go halfsies on it, okay? I’ll pull my weight around here.”

You shoot him a shy smile as you wrap your arms around one of his. “Maybe I should take up Jeongguk with that collab stream idea…”

“Speaking of…”

‘Hey, it’s late but I need a favour when you’re free.’

Jeon 🥴: wussup u kno im always awake

‘Are you up for a trade?’

Jeon 🥴: why do u sound like jigsaw 😭😭

Jeon 🥴: also it depends

‘You help me move all of Cherry’s things to my apartment and she agrees to do a livestream with you.’

Jeon 🥴: the--

Jeon 🥴: just tell me when and where baby i got u

Sunday morning is a whirlwind of phone calls and favour-chains, big boxes and Jeongguk knocking early in the morning when he finally shows up.

“I’m ready to go whenever! Seokjin-hyung’s pretty upset he has to take my early shift but I promised him that I’d take his night shift and swore to never mention the time he broke the hot dog machine to Namjoon.”

Seungcheol turns to you, “So, I called the police department and asked if there were any updates and what we can do. All they could really tell me is that we’re free to go back to the apartment since they replaced the door and that they’ve already taken as many fingerprints as they can, so we can go get your things.” He pauses, “We probably shouldn’t try to take everything so quickly so we should go in and get your essential things and then just go back to grab the others later on, if that’s okay?”

You nod in response, making sure you have your things before the three of you head out. “My landlord texted me and told me to tell her when we get there so she can give me the new key.”

Jeongguk pops the gum in his mouth, heavy boots resounding through the apartment as he makes his way to the door.

“Let’s go get some shit!”

“So can we discuss the deal we got going on here?” Jeongguk bounces with giddiness from Seungcheol’s backseat, unable to sit still at the thought.

“Well, we can do two streams.” You take a second to turn around from the front seat, eyes locking onto Jeongguk who immediately leans in towards your face. “One on yours and one on mine. We’ll split whatever money we make and call it a day?”

“Wait a second, two streams? Why would he be on yours?” Seungcheol narrows his eyes at the road in front of him; knuckles tightening around the steering wheel.

He wasn’t even properly in a live cam and now Jeongguk was going to be?

“Oh, I don’t think Seungcheol-hyung would like it very much. Although I will say, my stroke game is preeeeetty good.”

“No, you idiots, not like that!” Seungcheol snorts from the driver’s seat just as you roll your eyes. “On ‘Guk’s channel, we’ll just game. That’s it. Keep it PG, y’know? But on mine… We’ll still game, just… with some added bonuses. I’ve already thought it out, okay? Just trust me. We can do it on Friday night and Saturday night respectively, so we don’t kill our schedules too much.”

The two males nod in return as you turn back around to face forward. “Which, by the way, thank you Jeongguk for agreeing to come and bring the heavy stuff with us. I really appreciate it!”

Jeongguk smiles, although you can’t see it. “Hey, it’s no problem! And anyway, I already might’ve told my viewers that I’d be having a special guest soon so...” He trails off sheepishly; a pale pink blush on his cheeks.

“Wow, well, I guess if there’s anything we should be thankful for… At least they didn’t take the sybian.”

“Ugh, hyung, it’s probably because they couldn’t tell what it was. And they probably didn’t take a lot of the sex toys because they were probably freaked out.”

Jeongguk’s voice gets quieter and quieter as he exits the apartment that you and Seungcheol were still in.

“What’s the damage, baby?”

You sigh as you sit down on the bed, rummaging through a box of personal items. “It seems like they made more of a mess trying to find anything of worth, to be honest. Most of the things taken were gifts and some of my toys but the ones that were still in their packages. Some of my camera and lighting equipment also got taken…  Same goes for some of the lingerie sets you got me that were still in their packaging… ‘m sorry, ‘Cheol.” You pout up at him as he chuckles.

Seungcheol stands in front of you, tilting your head up to meet his warm eyes. “That’s literally fine. You can always get more of those things anyway.”

He kisses you gently on the forehead; fingertips threaded through your hair. “Hey, if you’re still doing a show on Wednesday, I’ve got an idea.” Seungcheol offers.

“You? Have an idea?” You raise a brow at him, unsure whether or not to believe him. But before either of you can speak, Jeongguk comes back, boots stomping loudly on the hardwood.

“Let’s talk about this another time, when we’re alone.”

The two of you take the next couple of days in stride as you settle into your new place; whether it was temporarily or permanently for you.

Seungcheol continues his normal work routine and to some degree, you find yourself even more bored without him. For a while, you contemplate getting a part time job, at least to make up some extra money for rent and so that you weren’t always at home alone. 

“Hey, I’m back!”

Ah, perfect timing.

You meet Seungcheol at the door, already dressed in one of his shirts. “‘Cheollie~ Welcome home!”

“Have a fun day without me?” He asks, shucking off his jacket and shoes before making his way to the sofa.

“Errr, well, I had some thoughts… and some questions.”

“Okay, shoot.”

You sit across from him, eyes blinking in unsureness as he stares at you. “Well… I was thinking… about maybe getting a part time job? I know we kinda made a lot with the last videos but, it’d help me not be so bored when you’re gone and hey, extra money is always good, right? I can replace all the stuff that got stolen too.” Seungcheol nods in thought, “Maybe you can find a place that’ll give you early shifts so I can just swing by and get you after work. I’d say come work at the roller rink but I don’t think that’d be the smartest idea...”

“I’ll find a place! I was going through the job listings earlier and there were some promising places~” A weight feels lifted from your shoulders as you smile back at Seungcheol; glad that he seemed to be willing to work with you and what you wanted. “Oh and… about the show tonight? What was your idea? We totally forgot about it.”

Seungcheol laughs breathily, running a hand through his hair as he gets up from the sofa to head towards the kitchen.

“Let’s let it be a surprise. C’mon, I wanna try a new recipe from our cookbooks.”

You set up the cameras as per Seungcheol’s request, checking the viewfinder. “Are you sure about this, ‘Cheol? You don’t have to be on cam with me if you don’t want to…”

Seungcheol chuckles as he tugs his shirt off, leaving his sweats on as he gets onto the bed with you. He checks the viewfinder with you, making sure the angle cuts off right at his collarbones. “I’m sure, and as long as the cameras don’t shift, we should be fine. I wanted to try this.”

The unknown factor scares you a little bit, but you trust Seungcheol enough to know that he knows what he’s doing.

“Now, c’mere.” He gestures to you as you tilt your head at him. “But there’s still, like, 12 minutes until we need to start…”

“Yeah, but we’re doing things my way tonight, right, sweetheart?”

Nodding slowly, you crawl on your knees towards Seungcheol, stopping right in front of him as he leans in to give you a chaste kiss. You smile into it, melting under his touch before he pulls away. 

“Turn around for me, baby.” 

The mood shifts quickly when he slips into character and you can feel your heart racing in your chest when his arms wrap around your midsection. He tugs you towards himself until your back meets his warm naked chest.

“Daddy just wants to make you feel good, princess. Don’t you want that?”

The warmth blooms inside your chest at Seungcheol’s soft voice, “Mmhmm…”

You check the viewfinder to see half of your face cut off and Seungcheol’s head out of frame. His arms are wrapped firmly around your midsection before his hands start to roam your lingerie-clad body. “My babygirl’s had such a rough week. I think she deserves to be treated like a princess tonight.” You gulp as Seungcheol whispers into your hair; a content sigh on your lips when he cups your breasts in his palms.

“Let me make you feel good, okay?”

You lean your head up against his shoulder as his fingertips continue to roam; letting him take the reins.

He slides your bra straps down your shoulders gently, kissing the skin before he slides the material from you. His hands find their way back to your breasts, squeezing them in his hands as you mewl. “S--Seungcheol…”

His eyes flit to the clock on the wall. “Looks like it’s time, sweetheart.”

Nodding, you lean away from his touch for a second as you click the red button on your laptop screen that indicates you were live. It gives a countdown of three seconds just as you situate yourself back in Seungcheol’s lap.

gentleman_josh95: whoa what

universe_WZ: yo wait

angelhan: ????

kitty_junjun has donated $69

kitty_junjun: for my favorite couple

“H--Hi guys…” You whimper; lips falling into a silent moan when Seungcheol pinches your nipples between his fingers. “I--I, um, a-ah, daddy wanted to s-start early so…”

sleepy_wonu: ….interesting

sleepy_wonu has donated $50

therealchan99: btw u didnt have a show on sat! everything okay?

“Ah, ye---yeah, just, some stuff came u-up, is all. Sorry!” You shoot the camera a sheepish smile, hoping that nobody else presses for more.

Seungcheol notices the way you tense up in his hold as he kisses the crown of your head.

“Daddy’s taking care of it now, isn’t that right, babygirl?” The comments and donations flood the screen as Seungcheol talks; questions of who he was and comments about the previous videos still lingering in your viewers minds as they continue to praise the two of you.

He takes your distraction as an opportunity to ghost his hands down your torso until they flit along the edge of the waistband of your panties.

“Spread your legs a little more, baby. Let them see how wet your panties are getting.”

sleepy_wonu: seems like daddy dom.cheol finally got his hands on you huh lol

sleepy_wonu: somehow i knew you’d make a good pair.

tangerine_kwan: the--------------

hoshi_tiger_xx: wait how r u sure

chwenon: actually.... 🥴🥴🥴

sleepy_wonu: i mean, do u see him in here? Isnt it weird he hasnt donated yet?

alphagyu97: goddamn he rly went from private show to actual fucking?

alphagyu97: … living his best life, i cant even complain

For a second, you want to respond, but you let the comments go on to see what else they had to say before chiming in.

A blush blooms on your cheeks when Seungcheol ghosts his fingers over your panties; hips rising off of the bed when he presses into the growing wet patch on the material. He chuckles lightly as he, too, reads over the comments.

“Guess we’re caught, huh?” You can’t help but giggle at Seungcheol’s lighthearted approach to them finding out; glad that he seemed to be okay with it.

chwenon: bruh he said stroke game on ✨x-games✨

xcaliburDK: wait so r u guys gonna be on cam together regularly now?

artist8hao: damn, shouldve known he was packin

“Erm… we--well, not necessarily! He’ll, maybe, join me for some here and, mmh,  there but… but that’s it for, ah, n-now..”

Seungcheol drags his fingers up and down your folds through your panties as the material starts to stick to you like a second skin. He noticed you’d hit your show minimum where you usually liked to really start your show, moments prior.

“But for today, I thought I’d take it slow with our babygirl. Let her feel nice and good after her long week.” He checks the viewfinder one more time to make sure everything’s okay before he drags his fingers back to the waistband of your panties as he starts to push them down. “Help me get these off of you, sweetheart.”

You replace his hands with yours as you shimmy the soaked material down your legs until you can kick them off.

Spreading your legs, you make sure you’re directly in the camera’s views as Seungcheol brings his fingertips down to your soaking cunt. “Look at her. I’ve only been touching her for a little while and she’s already so fuckin’ wet for me.”

tangerine_kwan: fuck, give her what she wants

artist8hao: sink those fingers into her tight pussy just like what she likes

Seungcheol drags his fingers through your wet folds teasingly slow as you whine. “M-more… daddy…” He hums in response, middle finger on your clit as he rubs slow circles. Your eyes slide close at his gentle touch, body filled with warmth as you rest against him. You even momentarily forget that the two of you were being watched live; if not for the sounds of donations and comments pouring out of your speakers.

“Babygirl, don’t you have an announcement for your viewers?” He grins against your hair just as he runs his fingers through your wetness again; this time, positioning two fingers at your entrance as he slowly sinks them into you.

He starts a slow pace as he pumps them inside of your warm walls, curling and scissoring them as you clench around the digits.

“A-ah, y--yeah, this Friday I--I’m doing a collab stream on--on, ngh, G-Golden Closet Gaming and, fuh--fuck, on Saturday we’ll be doing a collab stream on, hah, my ch--channel!”

xcaliburDK: wait u kno gcg too?

therealchan99: threesome?

angelhan: wow this channel is growing so fast

“N-no, ah, d-daddy wouldn’t like that very m-much but, mmh, it’s---it’s for a good reason! I promise~!” You let out a choked sob just as Seungcheol starts thrusting his fingers faster; heels digging into the sheets as your legs threaten to clamp shut.

“Ah, ah, ah, keep your legs spread, baby. They have to see your pretty ‘lil cunt stretched wide around my fingers.” He kisses your hair once more before he ever so slowly adds a third finger, pumping them into you slowly. Your nails dig into his thighs at the fullness you feel, hips bucking up as you meet his fingers.

“O-oh my god, ‘m suh--so full!” You whimper, eyes clamped shut.

You already feel yourself close to an orgasm as your thighs start to shake. Seungcheol takes notice of the way your pussy gets tighter around his fingers and the way your breath becomes more stuttered as he curls his fingers inside of you.

“Cum for me, sweetheart. Get my fingers nice and wet.” Seungcheol coos.

“D---daddy!”

The donations and comments flood the screen with words of praise as your orgasm washes over you; back bowing away from Seungcheol as your body locks up in his lap. He places the pad of his thumb on your clit as he starts rubbing circles on the swollen nub, laughing lightly when your thighs clamp shut around his arm.

universe_WZ: so fuckin pretty when she cums

alphagyu97: a sweet babygirl getting what she deserves

Small cries fall off your lips as the oversensitivity starts to bite and you bring your hand to Seungcheol’s forearm as you whine and try to push his hand away. “Mmh… ‘m sensitive now…”

He nods gently as he slowly eases his fingers out of your soaking pussy. “Spread your legs.” 

You shakily follow his orders as you catch your breath; shaky legs parting for the camera to see. Seungcheol brings his wet fingers to your lips as you start to lick and clean them of your wetness.

kitty_junjun: fuck and she’s such a good girl too

universe_WZ: a good babygirl who knows how to clean up her messes huh

Seungcheol clears his throat, adrenaline rushing through his veins, “I want you to cum one more time for me, baby. Think you can?” You blink sleepily at the camera, foggy eyes already noticing you’d somehow made twice as much in this show despite Seungcheol not being any of the donators.

“I---I think so, daddy…”

He nods, gulping as he slowly starts to move from behind you. “Good, because you’re gonna cum on my tongue for everyone now.”

Arousal pools in you at Seungcheol’s words and you shoot him a panicked look when he gets up from the bed. He smiles at you softly, rounding the bed and entering the camera’s view with the back of his head showing.

“Lean up against the pillows, sweetheart. Let them see your cute face when you’re cumming on daddy’s tongue.”

angelhan: blue hair huh

sleepy_wonu: lol tryna keep tabs so u kno who to look for?

alphagyu97: maybe

therealchan99: yes but no

Seungcheol takes a deep breath before he lays on his stomach between your legs, hands on your thighs as he places them over his shoulders. He’s slightly nervous; if only because he’s worried he might accidentally show his face. But he steels himself, smiling up at you once before he leans in, tongue already flicking at your sensitive clit before you can even properly get situated.

“Oh, f-fuck!” Your hands immediately tangle into Seungcheol’s hair as you throw your head back against the pillows.

This time, he doesn’t start slow; his plump lips around your clit as he sucks hard. “D--Daddy, please!” You whine as you dig your heels into his back and Seungcheol is quick to laugh against your skin. He kisses your clit; smirking when you jolt under his touch.

“What’s wrong, baby? Too much? Do you want me to stop?” He lets you catch your breath as you slowly bring your head down to look at him; bleary eyes focused on his wet lips and twinkling eyes.

“N-no… jus’ wanna c-cum again…’m really close already ‘cause ‘m sensitive...”

Seungcheol hums, leaning in closer as he drags his tongue from your clit to your entrance, slightly dipping his tongue in as you moan above him. He repeats this process a few times, teasing you as you whine and squirm.

xcaliburDK: goddamn her expressions are so cute

chwenon: she rly does look good like this

hoshi_tiger_xx: better than her toys

universe_WZ has donated $100

angelhan has donated $75

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $50

You get lost in the pleasure, already on the brink of your second orgasm when Seungcheol sucks your clit back into his mouth. He draws you in closer by your thighs when he feels you shaking under his touch; doubling his efforts when he can already feel your body start to lock up.

Seungcheol flattens his tongue against you, dragging his tongue up and down in hard strokes.

“Fuck, daddy, I’m---I’m c-cumming!”

Tears wet your lashes as you cum hard on his tongue; fingertips locked tight in his hair as your hips cant up into his mouth. He lets you do as you please, letting you ride his tongue as you take your pleasure from him.

The sounds of donations and comments pour in from behind Seungcheol’s back and he has an itching feeling that the shows in which he actually appeared were going to be more popular from now on.

Not that he’d complain.

Your soft cries from above pull Seungcheol from his thoughts as he slowly eases his tongue off of you; kissing your sensitive clit one last time as you squirm.

“Nooooo~” You cry, pushing his head away as he laughs.

“It was nice meeting you all~” Seungcheol comments as he slides out of view of the camera. “I’ll let you take it from here, sweetheart.”

You smile tiredly at Seungcheol, wiping the sweat from your brow as you close your shaky legs.

“Thank you, daddy~”

“Did you still want to get a part time job? I mean… these numbers…”

Muttering, Seungcheol turns off all the lights before he slides under the bedsheets with you, laptop dead-center as the two of you look at the amount of donations you’d made from the single live show.

“Yeah, I think it’d be fun! And anyway, I might’ve already found a place! And with a friend!” You grin at him just as you slam your laptop shut; confusion painted on his features even in the darkness.

“A friend? And where?”

“’Dynamite’! With Jun!”

Seungcheol snorts, flopping into his pillow. “You serious? Why there?”

You snuggle up to his side, resting your head on his arm as you stare up at his side profile. “They’re hiring, Jun would know my schedule the best, and I’d have someone familiar with me.” Pausing, you smirk up at him even if he can’t see it. “And they probably have cute little pastel diner outfits… With a cute ‘lil skirt… And if I bend over enough for you, maybe you’ll see my cute ‘lil panties that are already wet just thinkin’ about you… ‘n maybe you’ll have to take me back to your car and fuck me in your backseat and cum all over my cute outfit.”

Seungcheol nods in though, images of you bent over the hood of his car with your panties pushed to the side as he fucks you in the parking lot; the risk of everyone seeing you making his cock throb in his sweats.

“Hmm... Touché.”

[gb-patch]

Patreon NSFW Moment Asks

We’ve got a group of questions for the Patreon NSWF/18+ Moment and we decided to put them all in one big post. “For the NSFW our life DLC, will I have to join Patreon at the 5$ tier in the month it comes out? Or can I join before it releases and I would still get it if I cancel it later? I love the game and I wanna support you guys and get more content but my current pay isn’t there yet XD” You can get the Moment if you’re a member during the month it releases or any month after. I’m afraid if you join now and leave the Patreon before it’s available, you won’t have access to the post with the DLC once that post is made. So if that’s the reward you’d like it’s best to not subscribe to the Patreon just yet. “is the 'our life' nsfw dlc going to be available on android too?” Yeah, we’ll make an Android build. “Hello, I hope you are having a good day. Will the NSFW DLC be sent out to kickstarter backers depending on their backer level. Or is it only available through patreon once it releases?” The 18+ Moment is funded exclusively by Patreon and is a special bonus for our supporters there. It’s not part of what the Kickstarter money went to, though there are a bunch of other DLCs you do get if you supported that. And it won’t be released outside of the Patreon, except for maybe a special alternate upload somewhere for people who really can’t use Patreon. We’ll see if we can find a way to do that. But it won’t be on Steam or Itch.io or anything. “Hi! I read somewhere that there was going to be an nsfw DLC for Our Life exclusively for patreon? I kinda had a question about that. Is it going expand some of the scenes where Cove's "Ah! Too much! Retreat!" so, you know, you get to follow through or is it going to add new scenes? Or if it's something still in the thought process, that's cool too! I was just curious. (ps, I love the game, you guys are awesome tysm for making it)” The 18+ Moment is made of new scenes and takes place a little bit after the Step 3 end, so all of those prior events have already happened. The times where Cove can’t move forward in that moment still occur as they do in the main game. He needs time to take gradual steps and not be so in his own head with worries and expectations and all that. “what exactly will the nsfw dlc add? also could you do the moments from the romance dlc with derek and baxter even if you choose not to date them in the end?“ The NSFW Moment includes three new CGs and it’ll have a decently long script that’s around a similar length to past DLCs. It’s just not separated out into different Moments, it’s one big Moment with different versions based on what you wanna do. And yeah, you can do Derek’s and Baxter’s content without actually getting into a romantic relationship with them. “Hello! I just discovered about the "upcoming" +18 version of Our Life, which made me really happy 'cause I love seeing some blushing Cove on my screen lol. Would be rude or annoying to ask you guys to publish on steam too? Patreon is not so friendly with internacional fans :(I would buy even if the price was higher than the other expansions.Just wondering tho! I hope this doesn't sound annoying! Thank you for making such a beautiful game.” I’m sorry, Steam is not particularly supportive with hosting sexual content, especially VNs. Those tend to have some troubles. Steam could remove the game if they don’t like it, stop promoting it as much, or something else. Even if we didn’t care about keeping the public release of the game family friendly, which we do, it’d still be taking a risk to the rest of the game to add the 18+ content there. But we’ll see if there’s some other solution for those who can’t use Patreon. “This is a dumb question but, what will the 18+ DLC for Our Life will contain that makes it 18+? Will it still retain the main game's tone? I love how the main game came out. It was well worth the wait, I already played it at least 10 times. Thank you so much for making such a game, it really became the thing I looked towards for comfort.” The 18+ Moment will still be the same sort of style as the rest of the game. The characters are just being more intimate with each other. If you don’t like explicit content, though, it’s really fine to simply skip this bonus stuff. Nothing crucial will be missed by sticking to main game scenes. “This game has literally fulfilled everything I could fantasize about a happy childhood and a cute guy to boot! I love the dynamics of both families and how there was room for growth for both sides, each very accepting of their children's choices and feelings. I cannot rave enough about this game! So many things were great! So here is my question since I was curious about the 18+ DLC: Will it occur during Step 3 or Step 4?” It’s set slightly after the ending in Step 3. Cove will still have his Step 3 appearance. Thank you for the questions and support everyone :D! I’m happy you’ve been enjoying the game. —————————————————————— We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[technobladetimestamps]

Nov 16 Stream Timestamps

Timestamps from Technoblade’s “THE REVOLUTION (dream SMP)”

Link to my youtube comment with all of the timestamps x

Timestamps with hyperlinks below

02:13  “This is a surprise tool which will help us later” / thumbnail isn’t foreshadowing / video thumbnails have to be big / stream thumbnails can be detailed 05:17  “The traitor is actually Jschlatt” / firework crafting 09:50  “The ratio is impeccable” 13:23  “Dream’s in the game! My audience retention rate” / vc with Tubbo & Quackity / traitor Jschlatt theory / “Are you high?” “A little” 14:47  “You’re a bit of a wildcard” “I am the most consistent character on the entire server” / “What’s this about getting into power” / “We’ll burn this bridge when we get to it�� 15:54  “You really are such an English major” / “You’re an idiom” / malaphor / “I’m actually speaking twice as much English as you guys” 18:07  “I think Thunder is overcompensating in the chat” / “Where can you see me” “In my heart” (Karl & Quackity) / Karl not leaving vc 20:33  vc with Niki / “Did Tubbo just leave me? I spaced out for 2 seconds” / “You can’t call everyone the traitor” “I can & will” 22:45  “You know it’s an event when Skeppy’s here” / “You know it’s a big deal when Georgenotfound wakes up” / “Everyone leaves me” 23:31  explaining the traitor thing to Niki / “Maybe I’m a sleeper agent” / had to kill Tubbo 25:03  nothing happened with that creeper / Fundy interrogating Niki / “Why did I train her for MCC” 25:54  “Even YOU’RE leaving me” / sad music / “I’m sitting here with 203k viewers & it’s not enough for any of these streamers to bear talking to me for more than 60 seconds” / Skeppy joins vc to immediately leave 28:50  Karl has a gift for Techno / Karl is just here for the animatic 32:21  “At least the chat won’t leave me” / pays for his music 35:01  “I’m going to destroy the government so bad” / “I hate all of the farming updates on skyblock” 37:45  joining a vc / “I just got stood up in like 4...conversations in rapid succession” / “My new years resolution was to make friends & it’s november & I’ve made zero headway” / Eret switches sides 41:53  Ender chest setup / worried about hotbar management / potions > shields   43:13  vc with allies / “Karl you are literally the biggest third wheel I have ever seen” 45:03  angering the dogs / trident combo 47:13  “D!ck with one ball” (Tubbo) 50:25  “Let’s hope Wil overslept like [George]” 53:09  recruiting Eret / “If you fight on our side we’ll make you the King of Burger King” / “He’ll be an executive citizen” / “I’m surrounded by idiots” 54:58  putting Schlatt on the allies list / “Schlatt is an alcoholic high on protein power” (Fundy) 56:47  can’t trust Eret / “I hate it when you’re right” (Tubbo) / Wilbur joins vc 59:50  having a moment with Hubert / “Not even the mobs like me” / sad music / “I just gained 8k subscribers the sadness is gone” / cow pit exp farm 1:02:57  vc with Niki / “I’m going to join the other vc AHHHHH” 1:05:02  “Once everyone meets up...I have something prepared” / “Technoblade when are you not ready?” “When I joined the server” 1:09:38  “Who do you take me for? Of course I’ve read the Art of War. It’s written by Mozart” / battle planning 1:12:18  “This is the betrayal...happening very slowly” 1:13:35  Pan1 / “This revolution is so doomed” 1:15:29  Dream attack / Quackity dies 1:18:07  “Agree Retweet” / “Violence is the only universal language” / “i have a supply” / “Why do you talk in upwards inflections constantly?” 1:19:57  Techno not getting to talk / “He took it all by force didn’t he” / “Fear into Ear” 1:23:50  Techno telling everyone he has a stash twice / distributing blue / mushroom the fox 1:26:49  Tommy talking over Techno again / “Stop going off on your tangents” “We have food at home” 1:29:30  vault reveal / Tubbo stealing emeralds / secret chest 1:32:40  “Shut up bro you are green as shit” (Tommy) / “Everyone give me back my stuff you don’t deserve it” 1:34:41  no netherite swords / “Who’s the traitor” “Promise we won’t be mad” 1:36:31  battle / Technoblade trident maneuvering / giving rocket launchers to Tubbo & Tommy 1:40:27  killing Karl / Dream bringing out the end crystals / fighting invis Dream / purpled switches sides 1:43:57  Dream wants to talk / 309k / group photos 1:46:08  vc with Dream / “But only if my enemy insists” / in the van with Schlatt / “What are you doing in my drug van? It better not be drugs” / Tommy preparing to shoot Schlatt 1:54:42  “We won” / “We killed an old man with heart problems! It only took 20 of us!” / President Innit / subscribe to Technoblade sign 1:55:57  Dream & Techno talk in chat / Tommy speech / “It was meant to be” / “I don’t think anyone is bowing to Tommyinnit” / “Karl don’t be weird” / Skeppy has a disc 1:59:06  Techno being apprehensive on mute / Tommy makes Wilbur President / “I’ll be the president” “I’m gonna veto that” / “Techno...you’ve taught me that government is not the way to go” / Wilbur makes Tubbo president 2:03:20  “I’m not sure I like where this is going x2” / “I’m not sure this is a good ending” / “Team chaos” “Perhaps” 2:06:20  Techno shoots Tubbo / Philza joins / “You think Schlatt was the cause of your problems? No. It was government” / speech gets interrupted / “The government ends here, I’ll kill it myself!” 2:09:23  Phil kills Wilbur / techno yelling for silence / “Tommy you just did a coup...& instilled yourself as president” 2:12:11  “If you want to be a hero THAN DIE LIKE ONE” / wither spawning / killing his former allies 2:15:09  post fight talks / “There will be no new government today. It will be over my dead body” / “Techno was not the traitor” 2:18:50  “I need to increase the crater that is L’Manberg so that no country can rise in its place” / “Mom says it’s my turn on the flame bow” 2:23:51  “What I’m doing right now is small scale. This is the work of an individual. This is nothing compared to the cruelty governments all around the world [inflict]...systematically” / “Llamas are the primary victims of war” / “I just wanna be apart of the explosion” (George) 2:27:06  Techno joins vc / connor joins the server / “I hope you’re proud of yourself Techno” “I kinda am” / Jack Manifold (Thunder) being broke / netherite armor 2:32:30  “Beach episode” / Techno accidentally joins the L’Manberg vc 2:35:16  the base is compromised / “There’s no way Technoblade would put a clock there if it didn’t mean anything” / got robbed 2:37:37  “If you’re going to ask me how I got all these emerald & arrows that’s a story for another day” / explaining the bedrock / “I can give everyone stuff & it’ll be such a flex” 2:40:24  Greek mythology 2:41:45  The Golden Apple / “They didn’t use discord back then they used skype, so can’t invite Eris” / “Zeus the god of feminism” 2:46:02  Eret recruiting Techno to kill George / joining vc / “Let’s stop him before he gets land” / Awesamdude proposing a fight 2:49:08  “No one can kill me I’m invincible” (logs out) / Dream literally names the turtle potions Sam thinks he hasn’t heard of / “I’m at soup” / “It’s not smack talk he just has that many items” 2:53:06  “Stab him Dream, I’ll shout encouraging words” / Techno fighting Bad & Ant 2:56:23  Dream wins / “I think there was this Dream guy attacking you with some sort of weapon” 3:00:11  turtle potions / Dream hyping up Techno about fighting BBH / Badlands negotiating with George 3:04:34  vc with Philza 3:07:00  spider farm afk’ing / lagging Quackity’s computer 3:09:06  smp earth / Phil only logged on to back Techno up 3:10:32  killing George / “I’m gonna drop his armor off don’t jump me” / not fighting Dream 3:13:00  vc with Karl & Phil / Karl definitely not starting a government / “Chat that was the boring part, don’t leave” / 320k / “Why do we keep scheduling these on Monday?” 3:16:18  “I don’t even want to think about how famous Tommy will be in the future” / “I get a tad bitter” / covid is good for youtubers but obviously bad / “I’m so good at socially distancing” 3:19:51  “Aren’t you tired of being nice Philza? Don’t you just wanna go crazy” / “You should be wary of the old in a profession where people die young” / vc with Eret 3:21:47  “What if you built a slightly larger throne next to it?” /  “How are they paranoid of a mole but the guy with a track record of being a traitor gets no questions asked” 3:25:47  “I’m gonna place a block at the bottom & kill you instantly” / reverse mlg /  emerald rich even with Tubbo’s theft 3:27:57  “I’ll allow it” / upstairs chests robbed / Eret disconnects with the book 3:32:04  armor sabotage bc he thought it’d be 1v5 / crystals are mutually assured destruction / Wilbur afraid of tnt getting blown up early 3:34:11  the diary was actually Eret’s / “He’s gonna tell everyone who I have a crush on. Nooo” / reading the 100 page book / “Can I not win here?” “No” 3:40:14  “This stream has released more serotonin in my brain than the last 6 months combined” / revolution was overcrowded / could improve the crater 2:43:09  “Awkward ten minute period where I’m just sitting there watching them set up a new government but I can’t kill them yet” / Carl is missing 3:44:34  “The one time Technoblade is gonna roleplay & they talk over him” / “CARL” / “As long as Sapnap isn’t the one that took him there’ll still be hope” 3:46:10  “Once you start using end crystals it’s the only pvp that matters & end crystal pvp is so lame” / Webtoons 3:49:10  “What’s going to happen to you & WIlbur now?” “I don’t know, I think I’m chill with Wilbur” / “The only thing that changed is my voice. Zero personal growth” / lines from the first speech that got interrupted / “King George is trending booo” 3:52:00  1 million twitter followers / “O god it’s been four hours...I am not built for this” / did a 13 hour stream once / sub growth goals 3:56:30  “What the heck is Phil watching”

[simons-calling-the-127-squad]

Missing Piece - Hendery

Credit to the original owners of the images.

GN Film Studies Major Reader X Film Studies Major/YouTuber Hendery

Half of a jewelry piece at birth

Warnings: cursing

Y/D/N = your dog's name

"We've literally been studying for ten minutes", you deadpanned.

"And?" He questioned, his eyebrows furrowing.

"You haven't even studied anything yet. You've just played with the cat."

"I need food to think. And I'll pay for us both."

"Deal", you said. Pushing the book to the side of the bed. Hendery did a little dance as you moved to put your shoes and jacket on. You couldn't help but laugh at him and walked towards him.

"Let's go!" He said as he pulled you out of the door and locked his dorm door. His arm went over your shoulder as you walked, it was a normal thing for him to do with all of his friends.

"So have started writing your script yet?" You asked, assuming that he hadn't even come close to starting.

"Contrary to popular belief, yes", he answered, a bit of pride could be heard in his voice.

"What's it about?"

"It's a comedy about three friends who don't wanna find their soulmates."

"Sounds interesting. Anything else?"

"Nah, just the basics for the characters. What about you?"

"Two friends who somehow don't notice they're mates."

"That sounds ridiculous. How can they not notice the matching jewelry?"

"Some people are blind to little details!"

"Hmm sure", he said, obviously not convinced. The two of you let the silence take over as you walked to the pizza place of Hendery's choice. Upon arrival, he opened the door for you and waved to the workers as the two of you sat down.

"So this is the place you talk about all of the time?" You asked, slipping the jacket off of your shoulders and onto the seat next to you.

He began to rapidly nod and talk about how amazing the entire menu was.

"Hey Hendery, I was wondering when you'd be in this week", a male said as he walked over to the two of you.

"Blame them," he pointed to you. "They keep making me study when I could be eating."

"You're the one who asked me to help you study!"

"I didn't think you would be so strict with me!"

The waiter laughed at the banter between the two of you and said, "I can't believe it's taken you so long to bring your soulmate here." The two of you instantly paused and looked at him. Confusion written on your faces. The waiter looked just as confused when he saw your reactions.

"Wait did you guys not know? How did you guys not see the matching rings?" Your eyes moved to Hendery's hand where a ring that was quite similar to your own sat. His was a sun, yours a moon, but the two were obviously a pair.

"How did we not notice?" You asked, mainly to yourself.

"That explains why everyone always thought we were dating…" Hendery mumbled, causing the waiter to die of laughter.

"This is comedy gold", he mumbled as he walked towards the kitchen to give the two of you time to talk together.

"Dang it. This means you're right."

"That's what you're thinking about right now?"

"That and this is an interesting first date."

"Nothing else? Like being surprised that we're mates?"

"No, in all honesty, it makes a lot of sense. We get along quite well and I've always thought you were cute."

"Okay well if we're just spilling everything, I always used to get disappointed when I would look at you and think of how you weren't my soulmate."

"Well good thing I am then. Anything else?"

"Not that I can think of…"

"Well, I have something on mind. Can I kiss you?"

"Yeah…"

"Fantastic", he said and moved to sit next to you to be closer. One hand moved to your face and the other to your neck as he leaned in. You could feel his lips pull into a smile as they landed on yours. Soon after he pulled away, allowing you to see his smile.

"I'm so freaking glad you're my soulmate", he told you before leaning back in.

---

It was Monday, at 5 pm. You and Hendery had just arrived at class and sat down next to your friends, telling them the news. They each turned to each other and started laughing.

"You guys knew didn't you?" You asked.

"Yeah. We had a bet going to see how long it would take you guys to figure it out", Ten told you as he held his hand out to Y/B/F who rolled their eyes but put a twenty-dollar bill in his hand.

"We're the epitome of stupidity", You said as you looked back at Hendery, who nodded in agreement. The rest of you continued to talk while you waited for class to begin, which mainly revolved around the stupidity of you and your mate.

---

"Hey babe, can you come in here?" Hendery called for you. You already knew why it was to introduce your relationship to his subscribers. You walked into his room and sat down next to him on his bed as Hendery told the viewers you were joining the video today. You had been in numerous videos of Hendery's, to the point where the fans were disappointed when you weren't there.

"So yet again we have Y/N joining today. You guys know them and love them. So as you guys can tell by the title, we have another hilarious story for you. Y/N you wanna start?" He asked as he looked over at you.

"Sure. So Hendery's dumbass asked me to help him study. 10 minutes into it, he wants pizza. So of course Hendery said the most magical words ever, 'I'll pay'. So obviously I join him for pizza, and what happens when we get there?" You asked, allowing Hendery to take over.

"So we sit down, and a few minutes later the waiter comes over and we're talking cause I'm a regular there and I know all of the workers pretty well. The waiter says 'glad to finally meet your soulmate'. And we both just stared at him. Thinking 'what the hell is this dude talking about?'. So he points out our rings and was like 'You guys didn't know?'. And that's how we realized, we're soulmates."

"Yeah, we felt and still feel stupid as hell."

"And the funniest part is, our friends knew. In fact, they had a bet going to see how long it would take us to figure out", Hendery laughed.

"Ten won the bet", you informed the camera.

"Yeah, the bastard got twenty bucks out of it. But you know I got the best prize, I get Y/N as my soulmate sooo…" You could feel the heat rushing to your cheeks and immediately covered them. Hendery attempted to pull them away and once he did he pressed a kiss to each of them.

"I love you", he whispered to you.

"I love you too", you whispered back.

---

"So guys can you guess what today is?" Hendery asked the camera. "If you can't, don't worry, I'll tell you. It's mine and Y/N's anniversary. We have been dating for five years now, we've known each other for, like seven years now. So I've decided it's time I finally propose", He said pulling a box out of his jacket pocket and holding it up to the camera as he opened it. "I'm hoping this goes smoothly and that they are really to take this step with me. So I'm not gonna show you guys the actual proposal, but I am gonna show you their reaction afterward. So I'll be back soon. Well for you guys it'll be soon", he paused the camera and slipped the box back in his pocket before moving into the living room. He was waiting for you to get back from the studio to start making dinner for the two of you. His plans were interrupted by the dog pawing at his leg. He could help but to smile and bend down and scratch his ears, causing the dog's tail to wag aggressively.

"You better not mess this up tonight", he told the dog. Y/D/N just continued to wag his tail before laying down at his feet, only to jump up the moment you open the door.

"Hey Y/D/N", you said as you moved to ruffle his fur. "Hey babe", you greeted Hendery, giving him a kiss before sitting down next to him.

"So I was thinking pizza for dinner", he told you. You nodded in response, it had become a tradition to have pizza on your anniversary.

"As expected."

"And you love it", he told you as he went to the kitchen to start dinner. As the timer was getting close to the end Hendery whistled for Y/D/N.

"Good boy", he told him, kneeling in front of him and reaching into his pocket. He pulled the box out and tied it to the collar. "Now stay in here buddy", he ordered, and thankfully he listened. Just as Hendery stood up, the timer went off. He pulled it out and cut it before putting it on the plates and going back to the living room where you waited.

"It looks great!" You exclaimed. Kissing his cheek before taking your plate. It didn't take long for the two of you to finish and Hendery decided it was time to ask.

"Hey Y/D/N, come here boy", he called out to the dog, who instantly responded. "Hey take a look at what's on his collar", he told you. Your eyes moved from the tv to Y/D/N and they widened. You could hear Hendery chuckle as motioned for you to take the box. You did, your eyes widened even more at the ring itself. It was exactly what you wished for, you looked at Hendery who had already moved to the ground.

"We definitely had an interesting start, how many people can say they didn't even realize their soulmate was right beside them for two years. While it may not have been the smartest thing we've ever done, I'm kinda glad in a way that we didn't know. It made us have a friendship beforehand, and we knew our attraction was genuine, it's not just that we're soulmates. And these years together have been so amazing, and I wanna spend the rest of them together. Will you, Y/N, marry me?"

"Yes!" You whispered as the tears flooded your eyes. He helped you put the ring on and to wipe the tears away.

"Would it be okay to get the camera he asked?" You nodded and he pressed a kiss to your lips before running into the bedroom and grabbing it. He recorded the ring and the two of you talking for a few minutes before shutting it off. This was definitely gonna be one of your favorite videos.

-🃏

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Dangerous Minds

Those of my readers who haven’t known me long may not know that I was once a corps member of Teach for America. I taught 10th and 11th grade English for about 5 weeks, then I was told on a Friday about my “involuntary transfer” to another school in the district, where I’d be teaching 7th and 8th grade English instead. I went from having about 110 students to about 190. My classroom had no books (textbook or otherwise), no pencils, no paper, no markers or chalk, but it DID have one of those folding lamps that come out of the ceiling at the dentist’s office. The kids had been in there for 5 weeks with a rotating roster of subs; they’d done no schoolwork of any kind. I was teaching in a very poor area of the city, and my students were predominantly Black and Hispanic. One of my 10th graders wrote his first personal essay about getting shot the previous year. I say all this to tell you that when Chad asked that I review Dangerous Minds, the 1995 adaptation starring Michelle Pfeiffer of the true story of Louanne Johnson’s experience teaching in inner city schools in California, I was prepared to laugh it off as a cringey, Lifetime-movie representation of my experience. Is that what I got? Well...

For the most part, what I got was a ball of anxiety in my chest. It’s well-worn territory, obviously. A teacher bonds with their students from the wrong side of the tracks, and ends up learning just as much from them as they learn from him/her. Usually poetry or music features heavily as a tool that can set the students free from the depressing circumstances of their lives. Depending on the rating, usually a student dies, and the teacher learns just how Important their job is, so they commit to it even harder even though it pays no money and garners no respect from the administration who just doesn’t “get it.” But these cliches and stereotypes and broad strokes exist because at their core, they’re true, and they make me anxious and uncomfortable and I can’t laugh at them or Michelle Pfeiffer being a Nice White Lady because I’m too busy being angry about the systems we put in place that straight up abandon so many kids, all in the name of white supremacy.

Some thoughts:

Oh we’re starting right off the BAT with “Gangsta’s Paradise.” Fantastic news. Two things I associate so strongly with this song is skating around the skating rink in 2nd grade and buying the Weird Al cassingle of “Amish Paradise” and wearing it out. 

Ooh, the score was composed and performed by Wendy & Lisa! Love that, you don’t see nearly as many film scores as you should composed by women.

God, the salary is $24,700 a year and Louanne acts as though that is appealing - I can’t tell if that’s because it was 1995 or because teacher salaries are so dismally low that this feels like a good salary?

This scene in which Louanne goes into her classroom for the first time and the kids are all shouting at her and getting in her face and sexually harassing her and throwing paper balls at her is giving me stress hives. 

Also her friend Griffith (George Dzundza) saying, “You wanna teach, so teach! All you gotta do is get their attention” is rather disingenuous. Trust me, you can have their attention, and still not be able to teach. 

I’m excited to see Sally-Can’t-Dance from Con Air as Raul (Renoly Santiago). He’s honestly fantastic in this, with a tough exterior but a sensitive and gooey inner sweet boy. All of the teens give pretty solid performances, but he’s a real standout.

I recognize this is based on a true story and Louanne Johnson’s lived experience, but I am not sure it’s wise for any teacher, regardless of grade or subject, to be teaching her students how to fight each other. Or taking them to dinner on what looks to outsiders like a date. I know some people have a problem with the bribery (giving her students candy for speaking up in class) but I have no problem with it - you get paid to do all the dumb stuff you don’t want to do at work, why shouldn’t kids be compensated for going to school if they don’t want to be there? External motivation goes a long way to building up internal motivation.

Mm I do love me some Courtney B. Vance, but he’s such a quiet, condescending ass in this. It’s a different vibe than I’m used to seeing in a principal in a movie like this. 

Ooh, Griffith grading papers and saying “What a fuckin’ idiot” is a real mood. 

“Since when has the Board of Education done anything for us? We barely get fuckin lunch” is legit. The lunches my students were served in summer school were some of the most horrifying things I’ve ever seen. One day it was spoiled milk, white bread, and pickles. And one of my students put his in a microwave that was hidden in the back of my classroom behind some dividers and left it for a week. And just so you know, as stomach-churningly awful as that sounds, the day I found “pickle man” as my student called him, isn’t even in my top 5 worst days teaching list. 

I like Griffith, and I’m glad Louanne has a friend, but frankly I’m not that interested in these interludes between them - they really feel like they slow down the momentum from the scenes of her in the classroom slowly earning the kids’ trust. The pacing is kind of a mess, because the most dynamic sections all revolve around the kids in the classroom, and I feel like that only makes up about a third of the movie. 

One thing I know for sure is you do not get in the middle of a fight between students. I have a friend who worked in the same district I did who interrupted a fight and got punched in the face because of it. And her principal blamed her. 

Oh wow the way the soundtrack picks up when Emilio finally engages in the class is some kinda cheesy. And it continues through the rest of the scene to a distracting degree. Oh Wendy and Lisa, I hoped for better. 

Can I just emphasize that to reach these kids, Louanne uses her experience as a LITERAL MARINE by demonstrating she can kick all their asses, and then she bribes them by paying for 25 kids to go to an amusement park for the entire day with her?

Also, even if they like and respect her now, I call bullshit at any scene in which ALL of  the kids are A) sitting in their seats or B) silent, and especially C) both. 

Um suddenly feeling some weird vibes with Louanne and Raul having a dinner date at this fancy restaurant by themselves. Also, the double standard here is pretty telling - there’s no way this scene makes the movie if Louanne had been a male teacher and Raul was a female student.

Wait wait wait, she’s also loaning Raul $200? Like, is this why I didn’t make it as a teacher? Because I wasn’t a former Marine taking students to amusement parks and fancy dinners and lending them money? I was 25 and could barely afford rent. Maybe teachers who have enough money to take care of themselves are better equipped to take care of others. Idk, I’m just spitballin here.

Oh “Gangsta’s Paradise” is happening again! We already heard the whole song over the opening credits but now it’s happening again about 3/4 way through. I mean this song is definitely the best thing about the film, so I get it, but it feels weird that they think we wouldn’t notice it playing to completion twice.

Michelle Pfeiffer is doing everything she can to make this movie feel less cheesy and more real. Like, you can tell she’s really trying with her performance. Of course, it’s not like the character is a huge challenge acting-wise, but she is definitely committed to the part and can walk the line of both accessible and tough. 

This scene where Louanne tells her class she is not going to be there next year, that what happened to Durell and Lionel and Callie and Emilio made her too sad to stay has not aged well at all. And it’s certainly true to life, and I say that as someone who did the same thing. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s a reality - the fact that I’m a nice white lady is exactly the reason that I can choose to leave when things get too hard. Just because the kids convince her to stay at the end in this very rushed “all’s well that ends well” way doesn’t sweep this scene under the rug, and it shouldn’t. 

Ope, “Gangsta’s Paradise” shows up one last time in the credits for good measure. 

Side note: after the film, I researched Louanne, and she’s still teaching, which honestly made me emotional (in a good way). And I’d like to point out the racist ass bullshit the studio and screenwriter Ronald Bass pulled by changing the poems the students read to Bob Dylan lyrics when Louanne originally used rap lyrics from popular artists in ‘89-’90 to teach the kids about poetry. 

Did I Cry? No, but I did get heartburn from anxiety flashbacks.

This genre of film is easy to mock and parody because it tells the same story and hits the same beats to the point that they’ve become cliche. Ultimately, the truth at the heart of the movie (which is the un-nuanced and candy-coated depiction of Johnson’s real memoir, My Posse Don’t Do Homework) is that high schoolers crave someone who will see them and validate them, someone who is willing to put in the effort. The quality of the package that truth is wrapped in varies, and this one certainly leans in hard on stereotypes that feel like cheat codes rather than any real illuminating depictions of living teenagers. But as cringey as it is to watch, maybe it’s not a bad thing to remember that all people - including those who are trapped in poverty and all the cruel injustices that entails - want to be seen and valued for who they really are. 

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[maxiekat]

In a world full of rom-coms, when was the last time you cried over an onscreen breakup that actually stuck? No grand gestures to save the day, just pure, raw, lust and heartbreak. If you want to get so deep in your feels you forget if you’re actually heartbroken or just bleary-eyed over someone else’s love story, then you may need to subscribe to the church of Drake Doremus.

The director is known for his mostly improvised, chill-inducing romantic dramas (Like Crazy, Newness, Equals) and his latest is a tender-to-the-touch look at a modern love triangle in Endings, Beginnings, which premieres Sunday at Toronto Film Festival. Much like his previous work, Endings, Beginnings is clever and cutting, but also soft and quiet. Shailene Woodley is at the heart of the film playing Daphne, a thirty-something artist (her specialty is hand-painted tea pots, which she sells on Etsy) who recently and abruptly quit her job and ended her long-term relationship with her boyfriend (Matthew Gray Gubler, in his third Doremus film).

Looking for a hard reset on life, Daphne moves into the pool house of her much more together older half-sister. She also stops drinking, focuses on looking for a new job, and cuts men out of her life. Until, of course, she meets two men at a New Year’s Party. One’s brooding, asking her for a light of a cigarette in the most drunken and charming of ways. He’s wearing a shearling jacket, worn-in with adventures. The other’s in LA’s version of a suit — he’s put together, and looks at her with the steady intentness. Daphne should be avoiding both, but she quickly becomes enamored with bad boy Frank (Sebastian Stan), a nomad who drinks absinthe, and good boy Jack (Jamie Dornan), an academic who has a dog and dreams of moving to Europe. What starts as innocent text-flirting evolves into two full-blown relationships. Oh, and the guys are best friends.

When Stan first read for the film, he read for both Frank and Jack’s role, but what really attracted him to the heady rom-dram was Dormeus himself, of whom he’s been a huge fan. “I met him and I said, ‘I gotta tell you, I don’t know which one of these people you are seeing me as, but I really relate to both of them. I love both,’” he says over the phone to Refinery29. Stan’s in London where he’s filming the spy-thriller 355, a movie he says is “stylistically and tonally very different,” than Endings, Beginnings, but with “a couple of similarities here and there.”

“And we just got very deep. We got into relationships and being in our 30s and the world we are in right now, and all our experiences.” The vulnerability seen on-screen between Woodley, Stan, and Dornan is something special, and almost entirely improvised, based on just 30 pages of notes. Endings, Beginnings is a far cry from the big budget Marvel movies you’re used to seeing Stan in (he plays Captain America’s pal Bucky Barnes in seven Marvel movies and one upcoming spin-off series.) I was reading your Instagram post earlier gushing about working on this film with Drake. When did you become a fan of his, and why did you two think Frank was the role for you?

“I was aware of [Drake] for awhile. Like everyone else, I loved Like, Crazy, and then I also like his recent movie with Nicholas Hoult, Equals. I was also just really interested in doing a movie and improvising  —   because the entire movie is practically improvised. I never worked in that medium before. I got a call saying, Hey do you want to meet with Drake and talk about this movie [and] read the draft?, which was basically like 30 pages. There were two guy [parts] at the time. I met him and I said, ‘I gotta tell you, I don’t know which one of these people you are seeing me as, but I really relate to both of them. I love both.’ And we just got very deep. We got into relationships and being in our 30s and the world we are in right now, and all our experiences. Again, I didn’t really know that is where we were gonna go, but he was very honest with me and I was honest with him. We parted ways, and the next thing I knew he called me to have a session with somebody at the time that he was thinking of for the role as Daphne, and I went in and had a 3-hour improv session with him, then he called me and told me that he wants me to do the Frank role and I was fine with that.”

Only 30 pages. Everything else is improv? All the film’s dialogue?

“Yes, that is all literally on the day, in the moment, happening real-time. Basically, the script that he had was just the outline: Daphne comes out a recent relationship and moves in with her best friends. They’re having a New Years Party, and she runs into Frank who asks her for a cigarette. It was all outlines, but in terms of the dialogue and how we would get there, that was all improvised. That was an interesting experience because I had never worked that way and no take is ever the same. I walked away from that experience feeling very vulnerable. You’re not hiding behind any lines.”

The improvisation really added to the film. I left it feeling more emotional than I expected.

“We’ve all had relationships, and we know how tricky they are. They’re complex and there’s many layers. I don’t know — I have always loved romantic comedies. I grew up on When Harry Met Sally and all that, but I sometimes feel that relationships aren’t entirely depicted as messy and as raw and as painful as they are. That’s why I loved working with him because I feel like he gets to the core of situations. I’m happy to hear you related to it because that is what he wants. He wants you to go, 'I’ve had that conversation...been in that situation.’”

There’s been a resurgence in romantic comedies, but not so much romantic dramas like this. Do you think there’s a reason why?

“I love romantic comedies and there is a space for them, but [rom coms] are hopeful. Sometimes when I go to the movies, I don’t want to necessarily see what my life is. I want to be like, Hey! It’s nice to think that maybe that could be that way. If you want to be inspired, or laugh a little bit — there’s that element of it. And sometimes you want to see a movie that makes you feel less alone in your experience. A lot of European films are much closer to this, and I think Drake loves a lot of European films and is influenced by them and the personal quality. Structurally in romantic comedies, you have bigger things happening, right? Whereas [in this movie], there are big things happening, but there’s a much more subtle transition through everything.”

Frank is the “player” of the film, while Jack is the “good guy,” for lack of a better phrase. You’ve said before that you didn’t really know why you were often cast as the “bad boy.”  Do you still not know why?

“I don’t know! [Groans] I don’t know. The truth is, the reason I was saying [I could play] Jack was that I talk a lot in my life. I philosophize a lot. I try to read things. Then I think about it, and then I wanna talk about it. I relate to that [aspect of Jack]. And actually, there was a lot to Frank and Daphne that we shot that was funny. They had a lot of their own back and forth, but what ended up being in the movie —  I think Drake never forgot the vision that he had for Frank — [was him] being much darker than we shot. I am happy it ended up that way because there needed to be a contrast.

But I don’t know! I am glad they think I can do this. I am one of the most over-thinking, neurotic people I know. So I don’t know how it happens, but it keeps happening.”

I thought a big part of Frank also was his big shearling jacket. Since most of the movie was improvised, did you have anything to do with his outfits?

“Oh yeah, I kept that jacket, first of all. It’s a great jacket. What’s great about Drake is that he was like, ‘Hey, listen, people wear the same stuff all the time. If something works, let’s just it.’ I was like yeah, the guy probably kind of flies by the seat of his pants anyways so he just has a few things. I think I wore some of my own jeans. The boots I wore were mine. Drake definitely wanted us to wear our own stuff so we could feel comfortable in it.”

This was originally called No, No, No, Yes and ended as Endings, Beginnings. How did the title change shape the movie?

“It was always a working title. I saw that it was paired up with her experience — every no and every yes was paired to one of the relationships that she was going through. Endings, Beginnings is a little more specific. I know for awhile he was even contemplating a title that was even just made up of emojis which I thought would have been really fun.”

Oh yeah. I loved the texting aspect in this movie.

“There is an element of texting in the time period we are in, and there is this new language to it. They got it in the sense that both Jack and Frank have their very specific ways of texting. Jack probably uses punctuation, and Frank does not. [Laughs]”

You’ve worked with a few of the Big Little Lies women now. Do you have plans to work with the others like Zoe Kravitz, Reese Witherspoon, or Laura Dern?

“That has not hit me — that’s kinda funny. I don’t think I have ever met Reese Witherspoon and I’ve met Laura Dern. If the opportunity presents itself then great. I certainly wouldn’t have had a problem if there had been a role in the second season. I would have done it in a second. I loved the first season.”

I have one more that I have to ask about — obviously Gossip Girl is getting rebooted, and Chace [Crawford] said it made him feel “old,” but he’d be down. Have you thought about it at all?

“[Laughs] I don’t even… it’s so weird. Somehow a lot of people talk to me about Gossip Girl, and I always thought I was just a guest star. It was a very special show. It certainly defined those years, and we all got our start there in a way. It would be hilarious and weird and crazy. He’s right — we are old! I don’t know what business they’d have with me, but, Jesus. If there was some funny little witty thing and they called and we’re like, ‘We’re doing this thing and we have everybody….’ I’m not gonna be the asshole that says no. Maybe I’ll be in the background scooping some ice cream.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #235

“the monster you made is wearing the crown; i’ll be the king and you be the clown.”

What is your favorite move franchise? The Lion King. What was the last fast food you ate? I had a hot dog from Sonic and one of those pretzel twists things. What is the saddest book you’ve ever read? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. Do you prefer heroes or villains? Villains. Duh. They're like, always more interesting. What is something you think is overrated? Uhhh coffee, for one. But like what you like. What political cause are you most passionate about? Gay rights. What country would you most like to visit? South Africa. Have you ever considered having children? Literally the only period where I wanted kids was later into Jason's and my relationship. Hell, I wanted three while he was always like "onLY TWO." Now, I don't want a single one, ever. I would be an awful mother for many reasons. If you ever took field trips as a child, which was your favorite? The zoo with Dad, my then-best friend, and her mom. One and only time I've seen meerkats. I was so excited I almost cried. Do you have any weird family traditions? It's not like, a tradition, I think, but we have a unique thing where saying "I love you mostest period" is something Mom, Dad, and my sisters have used for all my life. It's a way of saying "I love you more than you could ever love me, no arguments." Now Sara's been dragged into it lmao. Have you ever considered acting? Nope. Who was the last person you slept next to? Sara. Do you think you can be in love and still cheat on your S.O.? You can't "be in love" with a person and fucking cheat on them, no. Do you subscribe to any streaming services? We have Netflix. Idk about anything else. Have you ever been in a physical fight? No. What is the most embarrassing thing anyone has on video of you? I don't even wanna know. Did you ever get lost as a child? Yep, in a Wal-Mart lmao. This old lady helped me find my fam. What is your favorite condiment? Honey mustard. Or ketchup. Depends. Have you ever had an existential crisis? Very surprisingly, not really. Do you like country music? Begone, demon. It's still so weird to me that I loved it as a kid, but I really just grew up with it. What color are the eyes of the person you love? Brown. What is your favorite kind of flower? I looooove orchids. What town were you born in? Not the best thing to share on the Internet, eh? Do you know how to play any card games? I only vaguely understood/understand Magic: The Gathering. It's honestly really fun, but very complex in rules. It was Jason's thing so he got me into it. I miss my PS3 working because I used to have the "Duels of the Planeswalkers" on there, and doing it digitally is much easier and helpful. I loved it mostly because the art is fucking incredible. It was an old little aspiration to wind up designing the art some day and I don't think I ever saw Jason more excited. What is something about your childhood that you miss? Being more into video games than I am now alskdjf;awe. I'm more of a viewer of let's plays now than an active gamer; meanwhile, as a kid, video games were my favorite things in the world. Did you ever have MySpace? Do you miss those days? Yeah, I had one. Honestly though I can barely remember it (other than the song on my page was "Pocketful of Sunshime" lmaooooo as well meerkat-flooded), so it doesn't matter. What is the best television show you’ve ever watched? Meerkat Manor is my favorite show of all time, but as a proper show could have been better. AP made up their own shit and deviated from the KMP facts A LOT (guess what: Mozart killed a competitor's litter before; not exactly MM's her, right?), and not only was that confusing, but just annoying. Give me the real shit; don't just tweak stuff for dramatic effect. I could list a novel of lies in the series. Now, what I feel is the best show without a meerkat bias and just has an overall good plot. I kinda wanna say Supernatural, but the boys dying five million times got old. Possibly Fullmetal Alchemist. Are there any songs you can’t listen to because they bring back memories? I 110% refuse to hear "Stairway to Heaven." Have you ever saved someone’s life? Funny this is brought up after recent events. My sweetheart online bud had a cerebral aneurysm while having an extremely difficult time talking to me, and no one was home quite yet. Her final message was concerning and she didn't reply to me for a while, so I wound up messaging her again after a bit, and her boyfriend heard the b.net notification sound. Saw it was me and asked what was up. Told him, and he figured out she wasn't sleeping on the couch, she was passed out. He told me he never would have known if I hadn't said something. So does that count, even though I didn't like, physically save her? Have you ever broken any major bones? No. Are there any websites you’ve used for over 10 years? Good question? Idk. WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP, KM's 10th birthday is coming up real soon. Wow. I know YouTube has been much longer. Idr when I joined deviantART. Maybe there's more, I dunno. Do you have any siblings? If so, what are their ages? My two immediate are 22 (ew) and 26 (double ew). Anything exciting taking place today? No, today was A N X I E T Y !! ! ! !! !! What are you craving? Okay so I have been MEGA in "the mood" lately and it's frustrating especially because I don't masturbate so I have like nO OUTLET. Who did you last hit? Nobody saving for when I was a kid repeatedly slapped my sister's arm for doing something I don't remember. How do you do in school? It depends on the subject, but in anything, I am a MASSIVE procrastinator, and I need to fix that. Schoolwork, good good, homework in the library, good good, but when I'm at home, I cannot seem to convince myself to work. As Sara puts it, home is like my "safe" place, and I don't want to bring school into it. Adjusting to school life again after like... two whole years or so of doing NOTHING at all, almost every day all day, is very difficult. I'm SO glad I picked school again, it's just a lot for a person who was so isolated and void of responsibilities to get used to. What’s your biggest goal? Right now, continue to improve my mental health. Fight social anxiety and AvPD. Who have you texted today? Just Sara. Who do you aspire to be like when you grow up? In most ways, especially in kindness, wisdom, relentless determination, passion, creativity, etc. etc. etc. etc., Mark. I think it's obvious he's Role-Model #1. I would loooove to be like Jane Goddall and Steve Irwin, too, feeling with such ferocious potency for animals and how they should be respected and loved. UM AND ALSO, EUGENIA COONEY IS THE SWEETEST PERSON ON THE ENTIRE GODDAMN EARTH AND I WOULD LOVE TO BE AS FRIENDLY AND PRECIOUS AS SHE IS. Oh, and then there's Shane Dawson. I relate to him SO much. He is the most selfless angel that seems SO down-to-earth and relatable as hell. I feel like he could be like, my best friend. Ahhhhhhh there are so many more, I love talking about my inspirations, but I'll chill here. Do you know if you want to go to college or not? I'm in college right now, and I desperately want it to stay that way. I'm fucking going somewhere in my life, and the education it provides will bring me closer to that. College is far from mandatory for everyone, but I feel it is beneficial for me. Do you like grapefruits? I haven't had one in a LONG time, so I don't really remember how they taste. I just know sour. What do you think of guys who wear eyeliner? *drools in Darkiplier* the fuck do you think Do you like online games? Only World of Warcraft, really. Who’s one person you care about more than yourself? Okay, real talk, and I hope this is everybody's answer. No one. I'm putting my goddamn self and my mental peace first for the rest of my life. Are there any pets you’re wishing for? I want another ball python. When’s the last time you used hand sanitizer? Two days ago when Mom and I stopped somewhere to eat. Wearing anything that isn’t yours? No. What type of bread did you use on the last sandwich you made? White. How many doors are in your house? Uhhh six. What was the last compliment you received, that made you smile? Sara said she was really proud of me, and to me, that's one of the biggest compliments you CAN give me. Think you need to lose weight? How much? ugh When was the last time you watched a VHS movie? I don't have a clue. We kept our VHS longer than most, though. We had too many movies on it. What event would you go back in time to see, if you could? Ummmm I dunno. Do you remember the last thing you said you wanted? To hug Sara. Who was the last friend you hung out with&what’d you do together? Sara stayed for a week. We did a lot. Who is the person, other than a spouse, that you are closest to? Sara. If you watched it, who was your favorite Hey Arnold! character? Oh my god, I hated that stupid show, but one of my sisters liked it. Have any good school pictures? or do they all just suck? There is literally ONE picture from elementary school where I think I looked pretty. Do you like trying on clothes or not? & Why? NO. I try to avoid it if I can. It's just annoying to change clothes for like five seconds. What are your thoughts on marriage? It's sweet, but I've come to find it... kinda needless for the most part? Like I know it has financial pluses and the symbolism is beautiful, but it's just that: symbolism originating from fantasies (imo, don't scream at me). It only adds pressure to stay in a dying relationship and makes splitting much more complicated. BUT, even with all that said, I personally want to get married someday, but only if I am *sure* about this person. It's the symbolism I like. That and it's so ingrained into my head that that's the "end goal" of relationships, so I'm pretty much just conditioned to want it. How long have you lived in the current place you’re living? Two years. Do you plan on moving anytime soon, if so where? I want to, but I am not in the financial position or at a level of independence where I'm ready for that. Are you more of a follower, or a leader? Be honest. This may alter with the situation, but mostly, I'm definitely a follower. Are your dreams/nightmares in black&white or color? I've heard of this condition before and it really intrigues me. I dream in color. Have you ever wanted to be some sort of hero outside of video games? I mean, define "hero." Like an action superhero in a literal way, nooooo. I'd die on Day #1, lmao. As a hero/inspiration as a person, of course; who doesn't? Will you admit that you’re at least somewhat superficial? I mean, probably in some places? How often do you go to the mall closest to you? Almost never ever. Our mall sucks and has experienced too many shootings. Do you still count with your fingers, even if only every so often? Yep. Like, always. Have you ever gone on a road trip with just friends? No. Well, I went to the beach with my friend and her mom, but just for a day or two because my separation anxiety from Mom got too bad oof. Without trying, do you act differently around different friends? Depends on the friend. I don't "fake it," just how reserved I am can move around. What was the last thing you drew/wrote on your own or someone else's skin? Probably a butterfly on my wrists when I was actively part of the Butterfly Project community. The last time you spent money, what was it on & how much did you spend? $1.25 for a drink at school. What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on one piece of clothing? Idk, but definitely not a lot. In elementary school, were you more of the bully or the bullied? Thankfully, neither. Do you like when a spouse is clingy, or can you not stand that? I'm sure to a certain degree it would be annoying, but for the most part, hell, I think it's attractive. Especially since I NEED validation you like me. How much do you say you walk in a week outside of school &/or work? Just around my house if you exclude school. Is there anything you wish your parents did differently in raising you? I wish they'd given us chores. Wish Mom didn't spank us. What would you do if the last person you texted asked you out? Lol yo we JUST broke up like an hour ago. We're not ready to get back together yet, obviously. Don't worry a bit, we're both cool. Still best friends, even. To compress a long story, needed personal growth and distance have brought us to returning to just friends. For now, at least. Have you ever received a scholarship? I think so... but not like a huge one, I believe. Who was the last person who got frustrated with you? Most likely Mom. When was the last time you mopped your kitchen floor? I myself have never mopped it. Or maybe once. What is your favorite work of art? I mentioned the Denialism painting in my last survey. What was the last appointment or plan you had to cancel? Plan, my next one with my psychiatrist. What spur-of-the-moment decision that you’ve made has had the biggest impact on your life? I don't know if any have truly changed my life. The ones that did (that I remember) were pondered over. Do you know anyone who is (or has been) a refugee? I don't think so, What is your best friend’s worst habit? She doesn't have faith in herself for ANYTHING lj;ljalwie Do you like spinach and artichoke dip? alksd;fjwei no Have you ever felt like you were about to pass out, but didn’t? Yep, a couple times. What was the name of one of your childhood imaginary friends? I didn't have any. What’s your favorite phase of the moon? Full. Do you wish you were richer? I physically refuse to be anything less than stable, hopefully even above that, once I'm independent. We've been poor all my life and it is fuck-ing HARD. It's stressful as a motherfucker and I am done with it. Very. What’s a middle name you like? Quinn. Fits a lot. I planned on giving that middle name to my hypothetical daughter. Are you scared of spiders? y e a h Do you weigh the same as your mom? No. Were you a Mary-Kate and Ashley fan? Like the average 90s/early 2000s kid. Coffee mugs, teacups, or water bottles? Uh, aesthetically? Teacups, probably. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Gum. I like the taste and texture of cotton candy, it is just RIDICULOUSLY sweet. It bothers my sensitive teeth sometimes. Do you prefer to drink soda from cans, bottles or cups? Cans. They get the coldest. Game you were best at in P.E./gym? Idk, I didn't excel at any. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I'll typically just have a meal replacement shake or a Pop-Tart. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Sour Punch Straws (gotta be red). Favorite book you had to read for school? The Outsiders. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? My flip-flops, 'cuz they're easy to just slip on. Ideal weather? Cool but not windy (a light breeze is fine) with a partly-cloudy sky. Obsession from childhood? Webkinz. Favorite crystal? Dragon's breath opal. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Swim or stay the fuck inside. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Taking pictures in the snow. Five songs to describe you? "Get Up" by Mother Mother, "That's What You Get" by Paramore, uhhh... I don't feel like thinking over this any longer. My iPod isn't near me to scan through what I have, so yeah. Best way for someone to bond with you? Let's have deep philosophical talks about like the meaning of life 'n shit. Top 5 favorite Vines? Oh my god, this is impossible. To name some that come to mind first, in no order: "It's Wednesday, m'dudes *insert mating call*", "I cOUld'vE dROPPED My croiSSANt," "this is why mom doesn't FUCKING LOVE YOU," that one at a club where a girl is doing smoke tricks and the dude just goes "check that out" (or "wow," idr) or something similar (I couldn't find it), and omfg I adore that Snoop Dogg one with the little boy just semi-dancing to that iconic song???? I LOVE IT??????? Man, there are so so many more. Very honorable mention: "a d a m". Ads you have stuck in your head? None, thankfully. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Uhhh maybe Happy Bunny? Idk. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite type of cheese? American. What saying or quote do you live by? There's a lot I've picked up on and cling to. #1 is perhaps "Deal with life, or life deals with you." What are you currently stressed about? Some... things I realized about myself that disgust me. Favorite fairy tale? Shrek is a goddamn fairy tale and I will fight to the death against anyone who claims otherwise. Favorite tradition? I don't really have one anymore, but I remember as a kid, I would NEVER let Mom forget to throw some "reindeer food" outside for them lol. Talent you’re proud of having? One that warrants pride, exactly? Not just random talents? Well, uhhh. I suppose writing. I mean it modestly, I really do, but as a kid, my teachers all the way through high school always thought I was cheating or a parent did my papers at home. Some were only convinced by me writing in the classroom. I don't feel as good about my writing as I did in high school, but I am sill proud of excelling in it and taking writing anywhere seriously. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? I mean, name the game and genre here. Probably like "what the fuck" at like, everything, because I already do that. If you were an anime character, what genre of anime would it be? Like, based on my current life? I dunno. A sad and repetitive one with some bright days to it. Ohhh, and the color scheme and lighting vary with my mental state. Yo that would be dope. Character you relate to? lmao THRALL from WoW for being like "can y'all bastards just chill tf out" until he goes off to an isolated land away from civilization bc he's seen enough shit. Also compelled to help. Any good luck charms? I don't believe in those. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? As far as consistent flavors go, normally cherry or grape. Left or right handed? I'm a righty. Favorite potato food? Fries, when I wish they weren't. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Literally just Mom's. Not even mine.

[the-everlasting-dream]

In My Head - Rafael x MC

Summary: A commentary of MC Jaya’s thoughts during the date with Rafael last chapter. 

A/N: My brain - and by extension Jaya’s - is weird. Sorry. You have been warned. This is kinda bad but idc

Tags:  @chantelle-x0x , @choicessa, @mariamulroney , @drakewalkerwhipped , @thewolvesss ,  @mfackenthal , @srawesleyghuewrites , @topsyturvy-dream , @enmchoices , @gardeningourmet @debramcg1106 , @alesana45 , @meladoridarcy, @blackcatkita , @tmarie82 , @annekebbphotography , @lizk77 , @jayjay879 , @tornbetween2loves , @akrenich , @theroyalweisme , @likethetailofacomet , @sleepwalkingelite , @littleblossom-18 , @ooo-barff-ooo , @drakewalker04 , @mkatschoicesblog , 

Rafael Aveiro: @kennaloverofdragons , @ifyouseekheart , @brightpinkpeppercorn

Jaya FC: Pooja Hegde

Shower? Done. Deep condition? Done. Moisturise? Done. Shave? Goddamn Jaya its the first date, nothing’s gonna happen. Rafael Aveiro is not that kind of guy… And I am not that kind of girl.. 

Standards. Yep totally got those. 

Okay okay, time for the most important part of date prep. Picking the outfit.

What did he say again? Dress comfy.. Comfy, Mr Aveiro, means my panda onesie and Ugg boots. I hardly think thats first date material right there. Unless it was a movie date, and we got to build the PERFECT outfit. 

Think casual but cute. Classy but not like we’re trying too hard. Yep okay lets go. Ooo this dress is cute and it could pair it with those cream wedges... Where are they - NOOO. That stupid chocolate stain from my going away party is STILL there? 

So scrapping that idea. What about that leather skirt… Found it. Okay nope. I look like a hoe in that. We’re going for wholesome not HOEsome here. 

 What do I feel casual in? Pencil skirt? Dress? Jeans? Ugh Raf could you be anymore ambiguous in your description? Don’t you know that girls require a detailed agenda of what we will be doing on the date so we can plan our outfit accordingly??

Oh my god why do I not have anything nice to wear?? 

Ughhhhh I just wanna throw out my whole wardrobe and start again.. I wish Asos had instant delivery like you payed the the thing and it would just magically show up in your closet. I could put together a killer outfit in minutes.. 

Too plain… too boring… I’m pretty sure that should be in my laundry pile… That’s my lab coat.. 

Oh that’s a cute skirt… I’m pretty sure I wore that to the concert with Bryce… I don’t wanna outfit repeat though… 

Does this match.. 

Nope. 

WHY CAN'T I FIND ANYTHING TO WEAR?? 

Everything I have makes me look too short, too fat or like I’m trying too hard. I just wanted jeans and a nice top but evidently that’s too much to ask.. 

 What would Lois Lane wear? Wait how cold is it going to be tonight? 

 …Okay no skirts then. Alright he said dinner so that means no white or light colours coz we don’t know where we’re going so lets just go with jeans and maybe I could go with that burgundy off shoulder top I got last week? Huh.. that actually doesn’t look too bad. 

 Damn I actually look kinda good… Lets hope he thinks so too.

Alright now to give this mane a quick blow dry. Ugh why do I have my hair so long again? I literally do nothing with it but chuck it up in a pony tail… I should chop it off, do a new year, new me thing for spring or something.. 

Okay done. 

Now make up. Think classy and cute. Lets put on some music…. Hmmm.. Bollywood Jams… What haven’t I listened to in a while.. Got it.

Panghat pe aake saiyyan marode baiyaan And everybody blames it on Radha Chhedde hai humka daiyaan, bairi Kanhaiya And everybody blames it on Radha

*Twenty minutes of singing and dancing later* 

 Okay Jaya focus. Focus like your life depends on it.

 Time for *deep breath* Eyeliner.. 

Don’t… make… a…move… Okay that actually looks good. Time for the other one. Don’t… make… a…move… Fuck they don’t match… I’ll just make the other one thicker… Not that thick! Maybe I can use some concealer and make fix… Nope now that one’s too short.. Maybe… okay that looks worse… 

Fuck eye makeup I’m just gonna skip it

Are hoops too much for a first date? Do I subscribe to that ‘the bigger the hoop, the bigger the hoe’ thing…? Maybe… 

Nows not the time for experimenting Jaya. Focus. Now lipstick.. I cooooould go with red.. Who am I? Priyanka Chopra? Oh wait even Priyanka doesn’t wear red… Ok PC don’t let me down, I’m going with nude.. 

Shit is that the bell?! Okay okay, wallet, phone, shoes, I haven’t picked shoes yet! Ugh okay lets hope he doesn’t notice the chocolate stain.

Coming, coming. Oh wow he looks hot. I mean how does he make just a green jacket and t-shirt look good. Remember to speak Jaya. Say hi. Keep it cool. Goddamn Superman, you’ve got one adorable smile. Huh this old thing? Its just something I threw on… in pure desperation and defeat. 

 Omg guys pls don’t make a huge deal of this… I am so getting a roasting when this is over. 

 Please let’s go. Hang on where are we going? This is true. He can’t show me the city from indoors. Guess we’re doing an outdoor thing then...Apparently its a surprise. I can do this whole spontaneous thing.. Yep easy peasy.. so not still wondering if I’ve over dressed but if his outfit is anything to go off I think I should be fine? 

Umm do you know where we’re going? Coz i have no idea. And I hope you’re not taking me some place to get mugged. DONT say that out loud Jaya. Focus on the conversation.. He’s asking you if you like Boston..

God he’s gorgeous. And humble too. So different from any other guy I’ve dated. From any other guy I’ve met actually… They don’t make em like they made you Rafael Aveiro. 

He claims he’s not Superman but this is totally a Clark Kent outfit.. just missing some glasses. I bet he’d look hot in glasses. Does he wear glasses? I need to know immediately. Nope he doesn’t. 20-20 vision… Just like Superman.

WOAH 

I would have totally missed this place if I hadn’t known it was here… or hadn’t had my own personal Superman showing me around. Heh. 

Okay enough superman jokes. 

I don’t even know where to look, the food, the smells, the sounds, the people, its kinda like the night markets back home. And oh my god what is that smell? Best street food in Boston… Yep I don’t doubt that for a second...

….Is it too cliche if I say Indian food? Coz I have been dying for some Aloo gobi since I came to Boston and — THEY HAVE CHANA MASALA!?!? IM TAKING IT ALL SORRY NOT SORRY Subhanu you’ll be out of business by the time Jaya Da Silva is done with you. 

 Wait he knows everyone here? And they know him? Did he like… save everyone in this city or something? 

 Okay wow this is getting a bit crowded, is it too cliche if I grab his hand? Almost… there… Oh were at our seats… Bummer. 

Did he just… pull out the chair for me? Homeboy is earning some major points over here… I am impressed.

Damn he really does know everyone. If that wasn’t so impressed, I’ve be suspicious. Oh wait he’s grown up with these people. That explains it.

Community man.. Family man. Good match.. God I sound like the aunties back in Chennai. 

He’s way too adorable to be single. A sweet guy, who cares about the community and is genuinely kind and smart? Guys like him do NOT pop out of no where… What are the chances he’s got some crazy dark secret.. 

Goddamn Jaya calm down with the analysing. Just relax. 

Crap he just asked me about my community? What part should I tell him? The crazy expectations, the insane reputations to uphold or the life ruining rumours? Lie Jaya. You gotta lie. You can’t dump the truth on him this early on. He’s a nice guy but even he will turn tail and run if you tell him about your m-

Oh our foods here. OMG I apologise in advance but this has got to be one of the best chana masala’s I’ve ever seen. Patti would feel threatened. Let’s see how it tastes. SO FLIPPING GOOD. OH MAH GAAAHH 

Raf I hope you don’t mind if I pig out coz I’ve been dying for Patti’s food and this is the closest I’m probably gonna get and this is pretty damn close.

Is he looking at me enough? Omg is he looking at me too much? Don’t have something on my face? Okay lets subtly move your hand up and.. okay that was subtle enough right? Holy crap I had gravy on my mouth and he didn’t say anything… Maybe it wasn’t noticeable?

Do I prefer a community or my own space? Hmmm… How do I answer this tactfully…

Oh this is nice. We’re picking up a rhythm here. Just casual chatting… He is actually really funny… 

Okay Rafael Aveiro I see you. You’ve got that hidden sass in you that I sure as hell am going to bring out… 

Oh damn I stand corrected, we are already at the roasting phase — more like a slight toasting really but he’s bring up The Grand Bathrobe Incident of two weeks ago. Oh great, I am never going to live that down. But hey if it landed me here I have no regrets...

Wow he’s actually got a bit of green in his eyes. I never noticed that. Why have I never noticed that? Probably because I’ve never been this close to see it…? 

Oh wait I need a mint. All this chicken tikka and garlic I am gonna to do a major refresh if we’re going to do any kissing… or whatever. 

Wait he just gave me a look. What does that mean? Are we going to… no it can’t be. Omg I did NOT wear my cute underwear.. what if we have sex? Nope Jaya nope. No sex on the first date. No matter how cute the green in Superman’s eyes are. 

 Hmm guess not… Anyways

*Later*

No way he likes the same flavour of Skittles as me! He’s already planning a movie night for us? Wait is that a hint at another date? Or was it just a general thing? 

 Wait where is everyone else? Are we the last ones here? Hang on a second how did he pay without me noticing?? Nope I can’t let him pay, I- He’s not hearing any of it. Okay fine I won’t argue but next time I’m paying.

Did he just… ask to walk me home? Can this man get any more precious??? Of course honey you can. Gosh I’m melting right now, this is so adorable… 

Oh my god, our fingers brushed. They brushed again.. And again… Please take my hand, please take my hand. I really wanna hold yours but I’m too socially awkward to do that.. Thank god he got the hint. This is nice… real nice…

Okay that walk was way too short for anything to happen. We’e stopped outside my porch. I am SO happy I ran into you Raf. you made my shitty day so much better. Oh god this is like one of those movies where they stand outside the door for ages not wanting to say anything… I really wanna kiss him. Goddamn he’s dreamy as hell… 

How do I tell him I want him to kiss the life out of me without… you know.. telling him I want him to kiss the life out of me?

He’s gonna say goodnight? Wait THATS it? Just a goodnight and go? Wait I think he got the hint, he’s taking a step closer. Wow he’s tall, I’ve always liked them tall dark an handsome.. His eyes… wow..

Oh my god is this really happening? Does he want to kiss me? Of course he wants to kiss you, you dolt, he’s leaning in closer. Can’t you see the look in his eyes? Why is he waiting… Crap he’s waiting for me.. What if I’ve misjudged this whole — Oh fuck it here goes. 

Mmmm 

Woah.. 

Abshhgkl… can’t… articulate… kiss... too good… 

Breathe Jaya breathe. All tingly now. His arms are so strong… He can leave them around me… He doesn’t have to let go just yet… God he has the most amazing shy smile.. I could kiss him again… and again… and never stop… Do we have to stop? 

Oh yep he wants to stop. Thats…not unexpected… He wants to take it slow remember? Its probably a good thing. I don’t know what I’d do if I managed to sneak him upstairs — out of sight to all my roommates of course — get him pinned up against the wall, inch my fingers up that nice but totally unnecessary shirt of his — I bet he’s got amazing abs too — and just — 

Jaya! Stop it. Stop perving on the nice boy! This is your first date, he already wants to take it slow, lets not ruin this by not being able to keep it in your pants. Now pull yourself together and say goodnight. 

This is like a freaking rom com. Am I in Love Actually right now? He’s actually waiting for me to get in the house before leaving. Chivalry is obviously not dead everyone. Rafael Aveiro alone is keeping it alive. 

Oh fuck my keys, where are they where are they, shit hurry up he’s waiting for you to get in, don’t ruin the moment for me stupid k— Ah finally. 

He looks too adorable to leave out on the front porch. Smile and say goodnight Jaya like a grown ass adult. I really want run over and kiss him. And from the way he’s looking at me, I think he wants to too? 

Nope self control Jaya. This is what we practice in this household. Close the door and go upstair— Oh my god he’s whistling as he walks away. Ahhh does that mean he had a good time? Because I sure as hell did. I hope he asks me out again. Or I could ask him out this time. 

Either way I hope we can see a lot more of each other soon because you are something else Superman. Something else indeed. 

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Gormless Ch. 9 -  Maccon’s into violence, hypocrisy, raceplay, but worst of all progressive politics.

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

Last time on Gormless:

There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it.  They are at her husband’s old pack castle about it.  Are they hiding something?????

Chapter 9 – Maccon’s into violence, hypocrisy, raceplay, but worst of all progressive politics.

So off to dinner we go!  They talk about what a FRIGHTFUL sight it was that Alexia didn’t style and unfrizz her hair before going down to dinner with such dramatic terms that make me wanna gag. But I went from that to barfing myself inside out when I read the following line about Alexia’s frizzy hair:

“Lord Maccon adored it.  He thought she looked like some exotic gypsy and wondered if she might be amendable to donning gold earrings and dancing topless about their room in a loose red skirt…”

GOD DAMN AUTHOR!  We went from some poor choices but plausible deniability to straight up…

Like a lot of my racism complaints are subjective and nit-picky I will give you that.  But the author done goofed good and fucking proper with that line jesus fucking Christ.

GY*SIES IS A SLUR, AND ROMANI WOMEN ARE NOT ~EXOTIC~ SEXUAL OBJECTS! GOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK YOURSELF!

I could fume about that fucking egregious shit the rest of the day but let’s try to distract myself with the parts of this story that aren’t openly racist.

At dinner, LeFoux is talking to some nerd about nerd shit.  Ivy is trying to talk about fish to some dude even though both of them don’t know anything about fish.  There’s a bit of drama when Lady Kingair (aka Sidheag) allows Maccon to sit in the Alpha seat, which TO BE FAIR is kinda bullshit, but the drama dissipates with a harmless distraction.  There is a brief interaction between Alexia and Maccon on the subject of the Tunstell/Ivy drama.  Maccon says they’re a bad match and Alexia agrees DESPITE THE FACT SHE LEGIT TRIED TO HOOK UP THE TWO AT THE END OF THE LAST BOOK BUT THAT’S FINE! Maccon ends the conversation about this slipshod ship-fest by sighing out a perplexed…

“Women”

Maccon you’re literally agreeing with a woman right now!  Boy howdy am I getting increasingly sick of how Maccon uses that word. If a male partner of mine used that word (woman) the way Maccon uses it (as this bullshit signifier that #yesallwomen are so hard to understand and difficult to deal with) I would uppercut him in the fucking taint.

CAN YOU BE ANGRY ABOUT THE ACTUAL CONTENT OF THE STORY FAPS INSTEAD OF THESE THROW-AWAY LINES THAT YOU’RE OVERANALYZING!

BLATANT RACISM AND SEXISM AREN’T THROW-AWAY LINES, BUT YOU BET YOUR ASS I CAN BE MAD AT MORE STUFF! I AM ALWAYS HUNKERING TO ANGRY IT UP!

There’s a point where they call Alexia curse-breaker multiple times (cause she’s a soulless that can negate the powers of the supernatural.)  Ivy and Felicity have no idea what that means and don’t know Alexia is a soulless but nobody bothers to inform them.  I don’t know if this is going to be a conflict at some point or not.

Alexia then has to ~make a fuss~ by asking them about the humanization problem. They act like she is breaking some taboo, but honestly I don’t understand why.  They’re having a problem; it’s her and Maccon’s job to solve the problem, so they should ask about it so they can solve it right? Also these Scottish folks seem much more down to earth and don’t subscribe to the stuffy social mores of British society. So it’s dumb that they act as if Alexia is rudely asking why cousin Larry has two weeping pussies where his ears should be, while jabbing at them with a pencil, and making sexist jokes about it.

But she doesn’t ask questions that are going to be useful until a few pages into this conversation which means just in time for the author to avoid it with a distraction.  I have a feeling the author is going to do the same thing in this book that she did last book.  Started with a mystery, dances around it for the vast majority of the book without adding much to it, and just ¾ the way in the book SUDDENLY SHIT HITS THE FAN ALL AT ONCE AND IT’S REAL DUMB!

So it’s now after dinner and the men and women are separated to chit-chat. Alexia starts quizzing Lady Kingair. Lady Kingair says she wishes she could be a full blooded werewolf.  The only werewolf within a zillion miles who is powerful enough to turn someone into a werewolf is Lord Maccon, cause of course it is.    But Maccon doesn’t want to try to turn her because she’s his last heir and women very rarely survive the transformation.  

Which like, there’s no reason so far why the werewolf club has to be vast majority male.  No ALL MEN orgies, and no SINCE YOU’RE THE ONLY GIRL WE’VE SEEN IN 80 YEARS ALL OUR ERECTIONS POINT TO YOU FEMALE PROTAG!  Perhaps there is some plot point later on.  But honestly? I suspect it comes down to the bias that simply werewolfism is considered a male phenomenon. You can read all sorts of analyses of this but basically it comes down to that men are supposed to have a violent, animalistic nature that they try to suppress.  But women aren’t supposed to be angry, powerful, uncontrollable, or like worst of all HAIRY!  So I don’t want them even as no-name background characters yuck!

Also, oddly enough, last book they said that werewolves sought out actors, and arty types cause they seemed more likely to survive the transformation. Creativity is tied to ~extra soul~ or whatever.  So I want to know why all these werewolves are dim-witted, gruff, military philistines instead of sweet, sensitive, arty twinks, smooching each other?  Is it cause her type is gruff meathead and like an idiot she outright contradicted her own story for no particular reason?

SEEMS SO! GOD I WANT A CASTLE FULL OF HAIRY BESTIAL WOMEN AND/OR CUTE SENSITIVE TWINKS! IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?

Nothing else really comes out of the conversation with Lady Sidhaeg Kingair and thankfully we’re saved from that conversation by the sounds of the men folk fighting.

Maccon is fighting with the current beta.  Maccon wins, cause of course he does.  They both grumble bitterly at each other for BETRAYAL and nothing is revealed. Like I am glad there was action, but this was so limp and tepid.  It could have easily been dramatic and they should have revealed something, especially considering they dump the whole story at the end of this chapter.

So Alexia takes him upstairs for fade to black SEX, cause of course she does. Like I won’t kink-shame much, but getting all hot that your husband beat up another dude who is clearly weaker than him for no real reason is bogus yo. A thousand kink-shames upon you.

Afterwards Maccon FINALLY fucking explains something.  He says the reason why he left the Kingair pack is because everybody in the pack was planning to kill the queen of England and didn’t tell him about it.  They’re Scottish and Supernaturals and APPARENTLY the crown hates both of those things.  She appoints Scottish and Supernatural people to the highest places on her court and we have not seen any oppression but just trust us okay.  They kept it from Maccon, because Maccon is a ~progressive~ and thought killing the queen would be a bad idea.  He believes this because the Queen is giving Supernaturals more rights and that if they kill her that it would make Supernaturals look real bad and innocent Supernaturals would be targeted.

That’s a reasonable fear, and honestly since we’re supposed to be on Maccon’s side she doesn’t really try to explain the other side.  Like was it supposed to be a military Coup so that werewolves would be in charge of Britain, since the military is made up of werewolves? Cause that’s honestly pretty fucking interesting.  I know the author says there are a lot more humans than werewolves…but I don’t know why they would fear much of a backlash if they all have superpowers, lots of the money, and are the ENTIRE military.  The fucking Spartans quelled every slave uprising even though slaves vastly outnumbered their military cause their military was trained as hell. Those masc 4 macs thug bros weren’t even able to turn their faces into dog faces.

Also Maccon’s feelings were really hurt when they were going to kill the queen with poison.

“Poison is for bitches amirite?” Maccon laughs misogynistically.  Alexia chuckled in kind and sprinkled something in Maccon’s 5th glass of Scotch.  As he dies in agony Alexia licks her fingertips in triumph. Oops they still had poison on them and she dies.  LeFoux travels to reality and she has the good sex with me. The End!

Okay that exchange didn’t happen, I just wish it did.

So anyway due to the ~betrayal~ Maccon left his pack and it really fucked his pack a big one because nobody was powerful enough to turn other people into werewolves so their pack couldn’t grow and outsiders were disinterested in serving them.  (BTW humans who serve werewolf packs in exchange for being turned into werewolves are called Clavigers in this book.) But this was their punishment for betraying him.  Not punishment for the high treason of attempting to murder a queen and thus throwing the entire country into violent chaos which could have resulted in millions of deaths. The focus for the punishment is highlighted as Maccon’s feelings were hurt.

I have a million questions about this situation but I can forgive the author for not going into more detail. This is a fluff story and doesn’t need to be bogged down with politics.  I can’t help but be  frustrated because the author doesn’t give anything of substance, so when something mildly interesting happens I want to latch onto it but it’s just plywood stuck to a cliff with bubblegum, it ain’t gonna hold my weight.

Thus I plummet back into the pit of frivolousness, hoping futilely there maybe something enjoyable I can grab in order to save my sanity from this stack of bullshit.

PS – I’m way into the fact that the thing they did reveal is not relevant to the actual conflict at the center of this book.

LOVE THAT!

PPS – The fight should have had the Beta forcefully removed from the fight. That he thrashes against another werewolf about how ineffectual Maccon is.  That he has all sorts of strength, power, and money but he’s just a complacent lapdog.  Since he has been dubbed ‘one of the good ones’ he’ll let the less fortunate ones of his race rot while he nibbles pheasant in his castle.  Maccon fires back how hypocritical it is to say you want what’s best for werewolves/Scottish folks while picking fights and putting the less fortunate on the line.  That he’s proving to the kingdom that werewolves are valuable by being a good example and working within the power structure to help his own kind. Afterwards Maccon goes back to his room physically and emotionally exhausted, and cuddles with his wife while he explains the backstory. He cries over his guilt of hurting his pack, and wonders if what he is doing is the right thing.

Problem with that is it doesn’t make the conflict easy to understand and cut and dry.  It also makes Maccon emotionally vulnerable…which like I’M INTO but seems as if it’s not the author or this set of reader’s fetish.

Say something nice Faps:

After pulling teeth for a book and a half we learn something about Maccon.  And it’s actually potentially interesting.

Ivy’s back and forth about her lack of knowledge about fish was genuinely cute and funny.

[cerulean8looded]

25!!!!!!!!

okay that one i literally made bc i look like john, love just dance, and want to be loved but here we fuckin go

25. John being a just dance twitch streamer and all the boys being gay for it i mean youtubers au

so im thinking that all of them make WILDLY different content. lets start with the beta kids.

so john has a gaming channel, clearly, and he decides he wants to lose some weight in a fun way that also helps his channel, so he starts the just dance thing. other than that, he mostly plays things like minecraft, five nights at freddys, all your basic bitch stuff, along with a fair few horror games. he really likes minecraft and sims 4 though.

rose has a witchcraft channel. she practices witchcraft and makes videos about spells and sigils and crystals and all the other cool stuff that goes along with that. i dont know much about witchy stuff anymore, its been a while since i was into that stuff, so id have to do a bunch of research for her.

dave has two channels: irony channel and music channel. the ironic one is where he posts anything to do with sbahj, and just generally fucks about, does weird trends and stuff. he never shows his face on his music channel, never shares his name, and it’s all remixes, so no one hears his voice either.

jade has the most chaotic but pure channel. she does anything she feels like doing, from kids show reviews to “Look at this cool pumpkin i grew” to “heres my favourite gun”. she has no theme, and never plans to change this.

Trolls

aradia is similar to jade in chaotic energy, but she tends to stick to stuff like creepy antiques she finds, weird animal bones from the fields she just wanders about in and that kind of odd stuff. she also talks about dark conspiracy theories a bit.

tavros mostly focuses on animals; animal care, animal facts, how to spot animal illnesses, how to deal with hostile but injured animals in the wild, what to do if you see an animal you think might have rabies, all that kinda shit. theres always at least one animal in every video, whether its a ferret in his lap, a cat walking over him, a snake around his neck, a guinea pig on his shoulder, and so on.

sollux does a gaming and tech help channel. he plays any game that people claim is difficult and tends to beat them so fast people think he’s hacking. he slaves over every fnaf game to try to beat the custom night first. as for tech help, hes basically that guy who runs the channel on how to fix discontinued apple products.

i lost my fucking karkat paragraph, im furious. basic recap of what i lost: he does general content like dan howell and phil lester kinda, with a couple staple series, such as his rant series, where his followers give him a topic and he rants about it for about twenty minutes (after editing). he also does livestream versions which can sometimes last for several hours per rant.

nepeta does cosplay videos with whoever she can rope into helping her (usually terezi, vriska, equius, or feferi) plus a lot of fandom videos in general. she usually comes off really lighthearted in her videos, but she also makes a lot of important comments about fandom culture and shipping wars etc. on her second channel she does vlogs, which exposes her absolute gremlin side. these vlogs often feature things such as her climbing up a tree, getting stuck, and screaming until equius saves her.

kanaya does makeup and fashion advice videos, mostly with a vampire theme to them. occasionally she’ll do cosplay makeup too. her favourite videos to do are when her subscribers send in pictures of themselves and their closets, along with some general information on what they wont wear and all that, and she gives them advice on how to spruce up their look a little and declutter their clothes, etc. she likes feeling like shes making a difference to people.

terezi focuses on true crime mostly; cold cases, current cases, sometimes she runs through the process of solved cases. she prefers to do unsolved stuff, since it gives her the ability to talk about her own theories on it, and she does often get it right, but for particularly interesting cases she will do a video anyway. she also does a little bit on mental health and the reasons behind crimes and shit.

vriska is another kinda general youtuber. she does whatever the hell she wants, plus anything anyone says she cant do. she also lets some of nepetas fandom stuff leak into her content. no one really knows how she got so many subscribers. she also has the most merch out of all of them.

equius makes videos on whatever happens to be his current hyperfixation at that moment. hes the most inconsistent. one week hes picking apart the homosexual subtext in certain scenes of jaws, the next hes teaching you how to put together a microwave. he does a lot of lgbtq+ videos too; his most popular video is of him and nepeta and some others at pride and most peoples favourite part is nepeta racing around a small clearing with equius on her back while vriska cackles behind the camera

no one is really sure what gamzee actually does. his videos are all filmed on a phone camera and are never edited. he doesnt have an intro or an outro. sometimes it seems like he forgot to start filming until halfway through whatever he was talking about, but he never repeats the bits the camera missed. theres no theme, no clear goal, no one knows whats happening and theyre pretty sure hes high in every video. one time he posted a video that was over 48 hours of the phone just pointing at a wall, which appeared to be covered in blood just out of sight of the screen (as in you could see the edge of it but not the actual blood) and there appeared to be a hand sitting at the corner of the screen. everyone was fucking terrified for a while, but the next video posted to his account was karkat explaining that hed had a bit of a mental break and thrown a jar of jar at the wall (the “blood”) and that the hand was just a doll. hed taken out his phone to film a vent video, but promptly forgot about it, dropped it, and went to do something else. he finally remembered over two days later, posted it without thinking and called karkat. a few weeks later he started posting again like the whole thing never happened.

eridan’s content mostly focuses on harry potter and magic (which he definitely doesnt believe in because that would be ridiculous), but he makes a lot of environmental PSA videos about littering and pollution and stuff. in his fandom videos he comes across as just really excitable and doesnt seem like he cares about much else, but he really shows off his intelligence in PSA type videos. he also posts a lot of videos of him just talking about whatevers going on in his life, usually whenever he gets a new crush. his most popular video is the one he made right after seeing johns just dance streams for the first time, because he looked like he was about to cry or scream the whole time.

and feferi! her content mostly focuses on social and political issues. she talks out against “canceled”/purity culture a lot and tends to end up involved in discourse for it. shes that person in the middle of the argument whos literally only stating facts and saying that we shouldnt jump to unnecessary conclusions, but somehow ends up being accused of being jack the ripper or some shit for it. she isnt afraid to share her honest opinions and makes sure to remain as polite and level-headed as is humanly possible when responding to others.

i was gonna do the alpha kids and dancestors too and like share some plot and that kinda stuff but this is long as fuck, so we’re gonna stop here for now! feel free to request again for even more info dumping. also i just wanna say that i planned none of that gamzee stuff i had no idea what i was doing when i started that

[purplesurveys]

442

What motivates you to do what you do? The possibilities that I’ll get to buy my own house, raise a family, travel abroad with my own money, scenarios like that. Always makes me want to start working my ass off and to stop complaining. What was the weather like the last time you went out? Super humid. Hard to breathe. Then it rained hard all evening. Do you go for walks often? OMG no I hate walking. I take my car everywhere lmao. What color shirt are you wearing? It’s black but has white floral prints on it; and it’s also a jumpsuit, not a shirt. What is your favorite type of youtube video to watch?  I’m a whore for YouTube so I’d watch anything. Right now though I’m into Good Mythical Morning, PewDiePie, and a little into mukbang/ASMR videos.

Do you need any new clothes right now? Yes hahahaha I have not enough clothes conducive for my internship, so defo have to shop for that. What's the next project you are excited to start?  Does interning count? Do you collect anything? If so, what?  I’m a photo hoarder, if that counts. I find it really hard to delete photos because I associate memories, times, and places for each anddd that’s why I have 3k++ photos sitting in my camera roll at the moment. ^and if not, what would you like to collect? Wrestling figures. What was the last disappointing thing that happened to you?  I overreacted to something Gab said and it blew up into a huge fight.  What is something God has healed you of? Have you ever experienced a miracle? I don’t believe in those. What was the last thing you ate?  It was a meal called ‘lamb pepper rice’ and it’s basically spiced rice with lamb as the main meat. Good shit. Do you ever eat food that's intended for kids? Like, nuggets? Sure. I don’t order stuff from the kids menu though–unless they serve corndogs hahahaha. What was the last stupid thing you did?  Last Friday, I was about to head home but my car key wasn’t in my bag when I reached in to get them. I took out every single solitary thing in my giant-ass tote bag but my key was nowhere to be seen, so then I thought I forgot it or dropped it in the restaurant where I had my dinner. I went back inside the mall, almost in tears, and was halfway up the escalator when I thought of reaching into my pocket. Car key turned out to be there. Do you get embarrassed easily? UGH VERY I’m a perpetual ball of anxiety and embarrassment. I get super sensitive and cry a lot. In short, I’m a pain in the ass for everyone. Are you wearing pants or shorts right now? I’m in a jumpsuit so neither? The bottom part kinda looks like pants though. What are your top three names you like for a daughter?  Olivia, Mia, and Harper. Would you ever film a vlog of yourself giving birth? If my heavily pregnant ass gets in the mood for it then yeah, I don’t see why not. Do you like getting caught in the rain? No, I hate getting wet with clothes on. Do you think your hair looks best straight, wavy, or curly? Wavy. What was the last craft project you completed?: I don’t do ~crafts. Name 3 youtubers you would like to meet in person:  PewDiePie, Shane Dawson, and I’ll count Rhett and Link as one because those two are inseeeeeparable. Has anyone ever spread an untrue rumor about you? Yes. Sixth grade was a funny time. What's one rumor you've heard about yourself, and is it true? Something about dating Andi. No it was not. What color are your nails painted currently?  They’re never painted. Do you use a pill box? I don’t. List 3 people you know who were loving and then turned cold:  Athenna. Times three. Have you filmed a youtube video today? No, I don’t vlog. Do you leave the house when you're on your period?  ???????????? Yes ????????????   ^If not, why not? Because it’s not supposed to stop me? Have you ever felt threatened for your life? Yep. There was one time I must have done something wrong to a motorist while driving because when I slowed down to traffic, he stopped his motorcycle directly beside my side of the car and just stared murder at me. For like ETERNITY. I was stuck in traffic and didn’t know what to do. Idek what the fuck he wanted but I hope he’s since crashed his stupid bike and died because as far as I know I did nothing wrong and he is just a stupid man looking for a fight. What are you behind on? WORK LMAOOOOOO Do you get enough sleep each night? Recently I have not because the work has just been too much. To be able to sleep at 10 PM is a magical thing. Which did you like better: high school or college?  High school if we’re talking about security and feeling safe and being happy; college if we’re talking about being independent. Which year of your life stands out to you as the most significant so far? 2014, 2015. ...and why?  They were the years when I knew I was at my happiest. What was the last store you shopped at?  It was an accessory shop. Gab and I browsed through to see if there were clip-on earrings available for me (there weren’t). Do you have a favorite pharmacist? I don’t. I don’t even know any. Do you have a favorite cashier at the grocery store? No. What was the last thing you ordered at Starbucks?  I had an iced caramel macchiato and a dark chocolate macadamia cookie. What's something you discovered recently?  Idk, haven’t really had eureka moments lately. What makes you more creative?  I’m literally not creative. What's the last magical thing you experienced?  Spending time with my girlfriend. What is the theme of your bedroom?  It has no theme. Depressed college student maybe? Have you ever lived in a dorm? Nope. I live kinda close to my school, at least near enough to be able to drive to and from school. Who is someone whom you admire, and why? I don’t think I admire anyone. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone?  Monday. My org opened elections for next year’s term and no one was gonna run for External Affairs, which is basically the committee that handles marketing and inter-org partnerships and all that publicity stuff. I’ve been a member of Internal Affairs for years now, which is basically the complete opposite of Exte, but no one was running and we were desperate to have someone. I got frustrated at how no one wanted to take the damn post so I took it so we could finally get the elex out of the way even if it meant completely stepping out of my comfort zone. Where would you like to travel to next?  Thailand or Vietnam would be great. Or just to go back to Sagada would be enough. If you could win three dream vacations to anywhere, where would you go?  Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia. Would you rather ride a camel or an elephant?  Neither.

Are you a free spirit? I can, but I also can’t. Do you want to lose weight? No. I want to gain it. Which insects scare you, if any? Cockroaches. Do you think it's silly to be afraid of a tiny insect?  No. Have you ever experienced paranoia? Sure, sometimes. Have you ever hallucinated? Only one time when I was 8 and had a really high fever. I was saying some weird shit to my grandma. Were you raised religious? Yes. Didn’t see the point by the time I was 10. Have you ever been abused? Verbally, mentally, and emotionally. Do you think the cops should do more about bullying? Everyone should do something about bullying, not just the cops. Besides, Filipino police are useless for the most part. Is there a coffee shop you like better than Starbucks? Nah, I’m pretty loyal to Starbucks. I love others though, like Coffee Project and Coffee Bean. If you could afford to get your hair professionally done, what would you get? Maybe a trim and tiny bangs hahaha. Then dye it dark green. If you had a lot of money, do you think you would use it wisely?  Not at all. I don’t even have money right now and I’m still spending it irresponsibly lmao I definitely need help. Do you know any rich people who are very irresponsible? If they’re rich then they must have been responsible enough to be able to get to that point. List five careers that you'd like to have: That’s too many and I’m too sleepy to think about this.

List five far-out things that you'd like to do before you die: Try out tamilok, ride a helicopter, walk on the glass floor of a really tall building, visit Chicago, try deep-fried butter. Do you dream big? Sure. What was your first imaginary friend's name? Katrina. What was the name of the first pet that you loved? Tobi, my rabbit. What was the first work uniform that you had to wear?  I’ve never had a job. Do you like to go barefoot? Filipino houses require everyone to be barefoot, so that’s just natural to me. Do you like the same colors now that you did as a kid? No. I liked purple then but I like black and pink now. Do you have a blog? Just this one. Do you have a youtube channel? Yep, but I don’t have anything posted. I use it so that YouTube can personalize my homepage to videos I wanna see and so that I can subscribe to a bunch of channels.

[neural-nett-and-link]

Prompt: “- Today we slap our balls and die. - Let’s talk about that.”

[cw pee, poop]

I LITERALLY DIDNT MENTION URINE OR FECES ONCE BUT HEEEEERE IT IS

- Today we slap our balls and die. - Let's talk about that. 13 22 1286.3 Slap It And Die-- Tonight (music playing) (fire crackles) ♪ (theme music) ♪ (fire crackles) ♪ - Good Mythical Morning! - Thank you for joining us today. And thank you for making us a part of your daily routine. Today's episode is sponsored by Link's Wholesale Shoe Store in Taunton, Virginia. - How about a Slap Of The Tongs? It's time for Picklers and Slappers. Okay, there's a whole spectrum of these things that we love. Ice cream. Hot sauce. Ice cream. Taco sauce. And ice cream. But these are the ones that can be used to make a great Halloween party and dinner. They're pretty cool. So I, like, I have a great mask on. You should go ahead and put in there. I have a great mask. Okay, here's the first thing. Now, I'm not gonna tell you what these are. I'm not gonna tell you what they are. But you can go to the website and get a free trial. There's a lot of free trials. I've added a free trial to Picklers and Slappers. - [Rhett] That was very good. - Try it out. - I'm not gonna tell you what they are. - No, I'm not. But you can try it out. And I'm gonna tell you what they are. Now, first thing we're going to do, this don't look like anything I have done in nearly three months. - All right, so, we bought this house made up of all these items, and we're starting with some of the most popular items. ♪ (theme music) ♪ - Hello, I'm JoJo. And I'm Lisa. ♪ And I'm Kevin. Fresh off the boat from Japan and living with my nephew. - And it's time to start throwing caution to the wind. ♪ (sarong theme music) ♪ To throw caution to the wind. ♪ ♪(over comm)♪ - Okay, Link. Welcome to our show. We're Josh and Gabe from Kissimmee, Florida and this is the perfect holiday to be hosting. We've been able to get everything up and running and we're dying to do a Halloween party. Now, we're not going to be doing a gift exchange. So this is going to be a little different. We're going to be doing a gift exchange. We're gonna be gonna be giving every item, right? - And we're gonna be giving each other a prize. - Yeah, right. And then we're gonna be sharing them. - Yeah, right. - [Josh and Gabe] Round one. ♪ (theme music) ♪ - Alright, this is a trophy. So here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna be putting these pieces of plastic in a cup and letting it die. But we're also gonna be taking the cup and putting it on a fire. And burning it. We're gonna be burning this thing. We're gonna be doing it all the way. And ruining it. - [Josh And Gabe] Round two, ♪ (theme music) ♪ - Alright, the cups have been broken down and are ready to be placed in this pile. - No, they didn't break down. They are very good. - Alright, so we're gonna be and throwing them. You wanna try them on your own? Yeah, I'd love to do that. - This is my name, and mine's also on there. - Yeah, it's me. This is yours. 'Cause I took your name off it. ♪ (theme music) ♪ Oh, this is pretty cool. - [Rhett And Link] Round three, ♪ (theme music) ♪ - Alright, I'm doing a little more of this. Sorry. I'm kinda in a hurry cause I got to get here. - All right, there's one in front of me. Yeah, that's my thing. - Yeah, I'm- yeah, I'm pretty good at this. Okay. Now, I'm sorry. Look. Yeah, look at that. Oh, looks like that's a pretty good idea. - I'm good in group? - [Josh And Gabe] Round four, ♪ (theme music) ♪ - Alright, another one. Day after the last one. Oh, this is pretty good. - [Josh And Gabe] Round five, ♪ (theme music) ♪ - Alright, this is one of my favorites. And it's got a plastic bowl attached to it. I don't know whether this is fabled, because I've never eaten one. But I'll tell you right now that I like to put it in my ==================== - Today we slap our balls and die. - Let's talk about that. 12 1 1153 How To Be-Well Actually A Human Being Pt. 2 - Let's talk about that. ♪ (theme music) ♪ - Good Mythical Morning. - Thank you for making us a part of your daily routine. In the meantime, check out the latest episode of our podcast Ear Biscuits here on the Ear Biscuits channel. Thanks for subscribing and clicking that bell. ♪ (instrumental music) ♪ - Do you want to go to the virtual prom with us? - Yes! Grab your free MyAdvantage® card at mythicalsocrazy.com/myrtlebiscuits. And dig into more Mythicality at the Mythical Society. - (laughing) And check out Ear Biscuits on the Ear Biscuits channel every Friday and Saturday, where we're gonna play some of your more outrageous dog whistles. ♪ (choral music) ♪ - Good Mythical Morning. - Thanks for making us a part of your daily routine. (including clicking that bell). ♪ (instrumental music) ♪ - Please make sure you check out the new Ear Biscuits Podcast, where we're gonna play some of the most outrageous dog whistles. - Oh gosh, I think I've missed some. - We're going to make those. - Yeah, obviously we're gonna be doing it. - Ow! - You're gonna be playing it so fast. We're gonna change your accent. - Yeah, it's gonna be great. - It's gonna be great... - I'm into it. Yeah, we've talk-tested it. - We've not really... - Well, there doesn't seem to be an answer. - You've possibly seen what I've been talking about. - Yeah. - Go to Ear Biscuits. - You could be the one who's going to be the first to know. - This is worth it. I mean, I love it. - I'm into it so much. I'm a fan of that, but I'm not about to give it a shot. - Okay. Alright, so before we get into it, we want to give a shout-out to our first ever listeners. It's very important to us to thank you, and we're extremely grateful for your subscriptions and your support. No, I'll be so happy listening to you. And we're excited to announce that our 30th episode is going to be called, "Happy Mardi Gras with Me, Me, Me And Me." 12 1 1153 How To Be-Well Actually A Human Being Part 2 - Let's talk about that. ♪ (theme music) ♪ - Good Mythical Morning. ♪ - Thank you for making us a part of your daily routine. - Yes, I'm gonna be doing that and enjoying it. This is amazing, thank you for making us a part of your daily routine. Thank you. (Rhett laughs) - Yeah, and it's going to be awesome. It's gonna be awesome. - Thank you for subscribing and clicking that bell. ♪ (instrumental music) ♪ - Okay, this hectic schedule is gonna pull us all back into a workout routine, but we've been doing a little bit of a combined stack. And we're also gonna do some exercises and learn some important skills. So, your subscriptions and support will help us to reach a much bigger audience, and a louder audience, so please support us over there, don't worry. We'll be back in time to announce our next episode, but this is a special day. We're starting another show called, Thank You for Sharing Your Kitchen, which you can find at the (chuckles) YouTube channel, Thank You Kitchen, or you can subscribe to that over there, and support the channel right now. Want a free trial of that? Yeah, it's here for you over at the YouTube channel, Thank Your Kitchen. And if you would like to try out the exercise routine, add the tag line, "Thank You for Sharing Your Kitchen." Thank You Kitchen is a new weekly, video series when other Mythical Beasts do exercise. - (chuckles) - Good Mythical Morning. - And there's a new one named, This is a Good Mythical Morning, which you know, for those who are not in the U.S., that means that you can watch the show over there on the channel. And absolutely, it's not about where you'd like to go. It's about where you're from, in particular, where you're from. So please support your local Mythical Beasts, wherever they are, on this day, by becoming a Mythical Beast, and contributing to our YouTube channel, Thank Your Kitchen. Check it out at the YouTube channel. Thank You Kitchen, Thank You Kitchen ==================== - Today we slap our balls and die. - Let's talk about that. 5 5 429 MOOOKING UP MUNCHIES - New gadget is here to ease the poop in your mouth. - Let's talk about that. ♪ (theme music) ♪ - Good Mythical Morning. ♪ - Hey. - Thank you for being here, Mythical Beasts. - And thank you for having us in your corner. - Now I've always had some kind of unpleasant urge to poop before something. I mean, I'll let you go first. - Um, okay. First thing I've ever done was I, no matter how many times I McDonald's or a local grocery store I'd go and grab one of these disposable packets of balls. I started to get into balls, I'm not talking about those disposable balls. I was into these, they're in my computer bag right now, I've never had them in my actual mouth when I was hungry. And you know what, I'll be happy to get them out. - These balls are from the founders of Boots & Coveralls, which I don't use on a daily basis. And now they've just replaced those balls with nothing but balls. - I'll be happy to go back to the balls and eat them. Oh, they made some balls and then they just left them in a special pouch for a week and all the balls just passed through. - Well you know, you could clean your mouth out. - Yeah. - They made balls to help with that. - They said they wanted to help with the poop. And they said, "No, it was just balls." - (laughing) Balls that passed through. And they waited until they were done, and then they just went with it. - But they made balls which cause me to poop. As you can see, there are balls. - Balls. (harp glissando) - Which actually include balls, balls, balls, balls. The funny thing is, they're only sold in Japan, and that's what they told us they were aiming for. They're gonna sell more balls outside of Japan, I'm not talking about just Japan, only Japan. - You know why's Japan funny? We have big balls. Balls. Now Balls, balls, balls. That is a big ball. That is a big ball. Yeah. I mean, as you can see, I'm not talking about balls that we're gonna make balls. Balls, balls, balls. You can't explain balls. This is balls that you put in your mouth. Except for maybe the fact that the balls are up. Balls are all down. Okay, I mean, if you're just kind of enjoying a sport. - Yeah, you love balls. This is balls. Alright. As we've established, peeing is a part of human nature. But there are people who have problems with poop. - Oh, so you're speaking from experience. - I'm putting the balls away here. Cause I think I've never done this. - Peeing is fun, I do enjoy it. - Yeah, there's a ton of poop in my mouth. And, honestly, I'm embarrassed. - Yeah, that's not the fun stuff. - Really? You're not showing the flavor of peeing, 'cause you're peeing. So. When my mom was out of town, she would get us all to dinner with a bunch of these balls. One of them was just fine, my mom would make a bunch of these balls, and one of them was not. And all of these balls, there's a lot of these balls, and my mom would, when you got her home, she would take the balls and put them into the rectum pot. - Right. - My mom. - Right. And I don't do it. They said, the balls were for little girls. - Mine is not for little guys. - So if you're having trouble peeing, this is a whole new go-to method that you can use to help. - The balls' gonna go right through. It's like moving your guts though a chasm, right? - Yeah. And that's what this is. Okay. Now you've got a golf club. And you've got golf balls. And you've got a windshield wiper. Now you've got a golf club. And a golf club. All right. There's a golf club that actually comes with one of these, and you can put it right on top of your penis. - Mm, mmm. - And then just stick it in there. - I mean, I don't know if this is about the hole, I just feel like it's about the hole. - Well it's about the hole. - Well, I'm going to leave in your vulva. I know that's a healthy way to say it. - That's a good idea. - Put that ==================== - Today we slap our balls and die. - Let's talk about that. 11 53 1121 How to Ride off a Taxi Cab - Today we ride off a cabbie. - Let's talk about that. (playful theme music) (fire blasts) (fire crackles) ♪♪ ♪ (piece music) ♪ - Good Mythical Morning! ♪ - Now, since I've been happy to be the king of this show, I will be your official driver. - It's time to ride off a cab! ♪ (trill music) ♪ (fire crackles) ♪ - (Vanessa and Richard) Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. ♪ (switching on cabbie) ♪ - (Rhett) Oh, we're going so fast it's almost hard to discern our position. - Something about the speed it's going at- - (Rhett) I've never thought about it, - (Link) Yeah it's something that people call a lasagna. - Like a lasagna with a thousand different kinds of meatballs. - Wow, you guys think you can get it right? - (Caroline) Hand me the loco. - (Link) Yeah it's great! ♪ (cab theme music) ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - (Rhett) Okay. Where am I goin'? ♪ (Caroline) ♪ (Rhett) Okay, so we got the 500 pesos and I'm going into the pink side, - Caroline, your side. - (Caroline) Right. It's gonna be like this - but I got this side. Now, I wouldn't call this my side, I'd call it my side. - (caroline) I've never lived on the side of the street. I've lived on this side of the street for the past six months. - It's like I'm on the show all the time. I'm an entertainer. - I enjoy it guy. ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (Link singing the lyrics of "I'm a Rover" song) ♪ (Caroline singing the lyrics of "I Am A Snowboarder") ♪ (Rhett singing the lyrics of "Desert Fox") ♪ (Caroline singing the lyrics of "The Last Stiffest Man") ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - Happy Valentine's Day, ♪ - ♪ (silly theme music) ♪ - ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - That's all. That's the list. We want to call our favorite people. And the worst possible person for that day. - So they'll probably have to call me like St. Patrick's Day! - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. - ♪ (party music) ♪ - Yeah, I believe in that. ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (carousel music) ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (upbeat music) ♪ - Yes, I'll be off the gang! ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - ♪ ♪ (club music) ♪ - ♪ ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (carousel music) ♪ (upbeat music) ♪ ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (Caroline) ♪ (Downbeat music) ♪ - ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (carousel music) ♪ (Caroline) ♪ (Downbeat music) ♪ - ♪ (Caroline) ♪ (Caroline) ♪ - (Caroline) ♪ - ♪ (Caroline) ♪ (Caroline) ♪ - (Caroline) ♪ - ♪ (Caroline) - ♪ (Caroline) ♪ - ♪ (Caroline) ♪ - ♪ (Caroline) ♪ - (Caroline) ♪ - (Caroline) ♪ - ♪ (Caroline) ♪ - ♪ (Caroline) ♪ - (Caroline, welcome back. ♪ (carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (Carousel music) ♪ - (Carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (Carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (Carousel music) ♪ - ♪ ♪ (Carousel music) - ♪ ♪ (Carousel sound) ♪ - ♪ (Carousel music) ♪ - ♪ (Carousel music) ♪ - (Carousel sound) ♪ - ♪ ( ==================== - Today we slap our balls and die. - Let's talk about that. 1 80 79 How to be a Giant Man - Today, we are gonna describe some of the biggest challenges that the average giant man faces when attempting to get bigger. - Let's do that. ( music playing ) Good Mythical Morning. - Mythical beasts, it's my birthday, it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality. - It's also my last birthday. - And I'm also currently in ST. - Thank you for being here, who is this G.M.? - I'm Jason Lee. - Yes, you heard of me. - And, I'm a huge fan of all things 1980's. - So I'm just a large guy with orange hair. It's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality, Rhett and Link. - G-M. Hurry up, Jason. - Thank you. - I'm gonna do this for you so that I can continue to live my dream. - Hey, if you want to give a little props. Opening every day at the grocery store. I love to put the stocking down, and then I'm like, "Huh." ( laughter ) - Yeah, that's a lot of it though. - I'm gonna talk about this, though. Yeah, I'm gonna go through lots of stuff. And so I'm gonna make lists of these things. Stuff that I've gone through and tried. Stuff that I have failed and failed because I'm trying to get bigger. - So I'm going to give you some of these things. - Okay, first of all, you have the screwdrivers. Now, for, I mean, I've done other things, I've done something called the fall. - So this is just like a fall of a person. - Yeah. - So everybody's fall-ing. - Well here's the thing, I'm not falling, I'm just walking. - But you fall. And it's not just like a fall. - Yeah, it's like a fall of someone. - Yeah, I could have died, it's just a fall of my own nature. - No, you don't die, I'm just walking. - What I'm going to tell you is, especially the hardest part, I've accomplished a lot of stuff, I hope you can relate, but I know in some ways today it's going to be tough for me. I am going to tell you a story, and I'm going to tell you all the things that I've gone through to get stronger. - Yeah, I hope that you can relate. - I'm going to tell you the story of how I got into this thing. - Okay, so first of all, I'm very confused, because my dad's excited, he's talking about my future, - and my future. - So I'm a little confused. - Very confused, and I'm trying to figure out what's gonna be a future for me. - Well, I'm very confused. - Yeah. - I'm just going to give you a little bit of background. ( laughter ) - Okay. - First of all, you're going to have a good time, because this is a great Hope Runners character photo promo that I made online. That's how they do these things. - Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna show you that, - Uh-huh. - It's an interesting look at the future. - Okay, first of all, have you taken a course in Wrist Gymnastics? - If you haven't, I recommend you take the course, except for the court. Because you're gonna be there. When you get the chance to learn from a school, I mean, I think this is the only one for the class. - They're very curious, to the point where it gets you confused. - And you're gonna want to take it. Welcome to my gym. - Yeah, I love it. - So I just got to get the head under the collar, and then I've got to take a chance. - What if I'm going to have a chest workout, like, - That's what bodybuilders do? - Well, it's easy. - Um, I can figure that out, and then I'm going to teach you how to get your chest up to 28 inches, and I'm going to teach you how to do the five-minute push up. - And then you are going to teach yourself how to do the five-minute put up. And then you're going to teach yourself how to get your face to 79 inches. - I'll tell you later. - Okay. - And I'm also going to teach you how to earn your dream job, unlike like, a lame office job like that kid that you're seeing so - I'm gonna tell you. - So I'm gonna be applying for a job, which is usually, - Hey, ====================

[alteregowo]

Hi! I love Dan and Phil, individually and together, but I think they're not trying to hide a romantic relationship. Don't you think that after ten years, they'd finally come out if they were? I mean there are a lot of gay couples on youtube and it would not be that big of a deal today than it was in 2007. Just wanted to hear your opinion on that. Have a nice day!

before i answer, disclaimer: i have ADD and this post might get messy since i find it difficult to concentrate and phrase myself properly (and english isn’t even my main language!)

well, i’m not gonna try and force my own views down your throat or anything but let me ramble a bit about why i wholeheartedly believe dan and phil are in a relationship;

i think i’ll start with the very fact that they recently moved to their third shared home together. say whatever you want to say but if they were indeed just friends, considering they’re in their mid 20s and 30 dont you think they’d want to move out separately and get going with their lives? and dont you think they wouldn’t be so keen on making comments about keeping living together in the long run (or forever….  a forever home say whaaaat). 

now, you might argue with the good ol’ “but they benefit from living together regardless of relationship status”. fair enough. however, let me point out that it has became as clear as day especially in 2017 that they share a bedroom. i don’t know about you but i don’t think two strictly platonic friends who just moved into a duplex would want/ need to share a bedroom unless they’re uhhh mayhaps in a relationship and love to cuddle? i know a wild concept…….

and i’m sorry but if you want to argue against the shared bedroom fact with the shoebox phil claims is “his room” i have nothing to say but shake my head. no way phil actually lives in that room that has no windows and no space to move around and why is the entire room crammed in this one corner… where is the rest of the room……. and why is that room has no personal touch to it…. it’s literally just AmazingPhil props and things……… feels much more like a set to me than an actual bedroom. (also we saw phil’s mirror and hair straighter in the moon room aka “”dan’s bedroom”” which i think we can all collectively agree is simply “the bedroom”)

another thing that strikes me is how dan joins phil’s family vacations (especially in 2017) and how he seems to become part of the family much more than anyone who’s classified as “platonic” to phil would have. dan is just as much of a lester as cornelia is? dan joins the lesters just as much and as frequent as a spouse would. in fact, dan joins the lesters so much on their adventures that if im not wrong, the longest dan and phil spent apart in 2017 was not more than a weekend? that’s whack!

now these were just three things that were very prominent in 2017 regarding the belief whether dan and phil are in a relationship or not that were “behind the scenes”as in going on in their personal lives, kind of? i mean sure we see the  shoebox on AmazingPhil and the moon room in some liveshows and we get pictures from their shared vacations but now i will move on to what we see on screen across their channels

i’ll start this with a throwback to the boncas bc i think that damn speech is enough to debunk any “uwu platonic” argument, ever. i don’t think phil would have done THAT if dan didn’t mean a whole lot to him and i think saying the universe would rip in half in they go apart is a concrete proof that they themselves can;t and don’t want to imagine a life in which they are not joint at the hip. 

moving on to gamingmas, which i will forever find so significant?? they broke a lot of boundaries during that month regarding of invading personal space, a bit of a more mature humor (esp on phil’s account), casual touching and a whole lot of flirting and a lot less (almost none at all) looks straight into the camera to show they are aware this is filmed or to do a “wtf is this lol” kinda thing. gamingmas was a turning point. i will forever firmly believe they did all of that in an attempt to normalize this kind of behavior on screen (and it definitely worked!)

dan and phil continued the vibes of gamingmas well into 2017 and the casual touches, lingering gazes and flirting (as well as expressing affection towards males in specific) is now the normal running theme over at dapg to a degree where we don;t even lose our shit anymore. we joke and meme but nothing strikes us as overwhelming bc we are “used” to it, which i think dan and phil aimed for i genuinely think they wanted to get to this stage of showing more comfort and more intimacy on screen without everyone and their mothers going whack over “pHaN iS rEaL!!!!!1″ and for it all to come across as oh so casual and chill! 

so now you ask, “they go through all that why not just come out lol”

WELL, in my honest opinion, dan and phil will never officially come out as a couple. and you know what, maybe things would have been different if The Video didn’t leak and get spread around (twice, mind you.) but things happen and one thing lead to another and after all they have been through and how they were shaped as people and their experiences with guarding and protecting themselves and their privacy any sort of statement about whether or not they are a couple or just friends or even paid actors  (let alone labeling themselves and their sexuality bluntly) is highly unrealistic. so if you are waiting for a coming out video or whatever to convince you that won’t ever happen i’m afraid. 

dan and phil value their privacy and they have every right to do so.

so yes, maybe in the early days of 2009/10 they were very flirty all across social media and on camera and maybe just maybe you need to consider the few following things regarding why they stopped with that:

The Video leak. like honestly? can’t and won’t find any more justified reason to feel the need for privacy and shielding yourself and making comments on how ‘het’ you are  for instance just to brush off the most intimate thing imaginable that since has been glorified and memorized by millions(?) of people who were never meant to even know this video and that declaration of affection even exists. is it scary. and i fully understand the “no homo howell” phase and how awkward they appeared together on camera for awhile, very very proud of how far they;ve came esp in 2017 though. 

the radio show! is it a little tied to The Video leak since the second leak happened when the radio show was still fairly new but before they moved to london (into their second shared home coughs) they weren’t all that big, you know? but with the popularity of the radio show came the increasing popularity of their youtube channels and their followers/ subscribers count went up and up and their content became exposed to a much larger range of audience and these new audience/ fans were not familiar with the past (at least not at first glance) and dan and phil needed to leave “good” impression (not that being flirty and dumb wasn’t good impression but it wasn’t all that professional and now they’ve grown big enough to be in need of professionalism.)

these two things were a turning point to how dan and phil view themselves on camera and their content itself (phil sticking to the AmazingPhil PG persona) (dan with his struggles with creativity and integrity zzzz) and really, considering their story  (and how well known the early days are, and how dan and phil are aware to that…) it suddenly makes perfect sense why dan and phil aren’t in any sort of rush or need to ever come out.

however though, i think that the “post baking universe” as in the halloween 2016 baking video, the boncas speech, the european leg of tatinof, pinof 8, and gamingmas were a prep to this switch in dynamics we have seen in 2017 and that keeps very steady so far. feels as if late 2016 was so “wild” bc they were testing the waters and our reactions to see if they wanna pull through with this change. 

so, even if they will never officially come out, their dynamic both on and  off screen screams that they are literal boyfriends and they don’t need to spell it out for us to know and see. anyone who cares enough about their relationship status and look at their content with it in mind can very obviously and easily see how in love these two dorks are. same love from the early days of 2009/10 only now it has shifted into a steady, secure, safe, most wonderful thing and you can see that their love towards each other in filling their hearts with pure joy.

so yeah, dan and phil are definitely in a relationship and that doesn’t seem to change anytime soon, if ever at all.

(THAT WAS SO MESSY IM SORRY BUT I HOPE MY POINT CAME ACROSS?)