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Pookie! I need you to write me something pretty please :)
Can you write Remus comforting a reader with an anxiety disorder when someone told them "there's nothing to be anxious about. You just want attention" ??? Pretty please?? Love you pookieeeeeee
Thanks for requesting!
cw: mean girl stuff, social anxiety
Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 929 words
“Shh.” Remus holds you close to his chest, his hand moving up and down your arm now that your crying has slowed. “It’s okay. It’s just us, yeah?”
“Yeah,” you echo, croakily. You’re glad you can’t see your boyfriend’s face, for fear you’d die of embarrassment otherwise. The looming insecurity of your day stands over you like a grim reaper.
You arrived home from a friend’s birthday dinner to find Remus sitting on the couch, already marking the page of his book as he turned to you with a soft smile.
“Hi, sweetheart. How was it?”
You replied, through a laugh that turned into a sob halfway through, “Not great.”
The dinner had been an event of foreboding for you since your invite. You’d been determined to be a good friend by not bailing, but actually going had confirmed your worst fears; it was loud, crowded, filled with people you didn’t know and didn’t fit with. Your outfit wasn’t right, the menu was daunting, and conversation swirled all around you about things you weren’t a part of. The fallout was basically inevitable.
You perhaps waited too long to excuse yourself. You were sweating buckets and breathing around a lump by the time you did, whispering an explanation to your friend before locking yourself into a bathroom stall to talk yourself down. You’re sure she didn’t mean anything by telling the people sitting closest to her why you were gone—you don’t think she’d do it to gossip, and she’s never talked down to you about that sort of thing, at least not to your face—but by the time you returned one of her friends—a stranger to you, who’s name you can’t even remember—had formulated a fairly decisive opinion and dubbed you an attention seeker.
You stayed only a little longer after that. Just long enough to avoid attracting more attention. And you worked yourself up well enough on the way home that all it took was one innocent question from Remus to send you crumpling into his arms.
You’ve tried to steel yourself more than once, but any attempts at stoicism have been foiled by your boyfriend’s tender looks and whispered placations, which only make you cry harder. If you’re an attention seeker, Remus is your holy grail. Self loathing sits lodged in your throat like a stone.
“Whose friend was it, again?” Remus asks, stroking your arm gently.
You take a breath, trying to steady your voice. “Does it matter?”
“I don’t mean it’s your friend’s fault, sweetheart,” Remus says. He’s all softness and patience, better than you could ever deserve. “I just thought you might talk to her, if you want to. She ought to know her friend is going around saying cruel things.”
“She was there.” Your throat tightens at the memory.
“Oh. Then I don’t suppose you need to say anything; I’m sure she’s already very upset for you.”
You try to laugh, frustrated with yourself when it only seems to spur another wave of tears. “Rem. You’re biased.”
“What?” Remus sounds genuinely surprised. “You don’t think she’s angry with that other girl?”
“She’s her friend.”
“So are you.” His arms tighten around you protectively, chin bumping your head. “I may be biased, but the other girl was clearly in the wrong. There’s no excuse for the way she acted.”
A dozen rebuttals fly about your head, but you keep your mouth shut. You don’t have the energy to argue. Unfortunately, Remus hears your argument in the silence anyway.
“Sweetheart,” he says softly, “no one puts themselves through what you do for attention. You don’t choose to feel that way.”
You hunch your back, tucking your head underneath his chin. “I do get attention for it, though.”
“That doesn’t mean you want it.”
“But I—”
“Do you want it?” You can’t see Remus, but you hear the hardened edge to his tone. “Did you like it, when that girl called attention to you in the middle of the dinner?”
Your voice smalls. “No.”
“Right.” The gentleness returns. Remus puts his lips to your head. “I know you didn’t, dovey. So don’t torment yourself, please. She doesn’t know anything about you.”
You push your lips together. He lets you chew on your next words for a while, his thumb swiping softly back and forth over your upper arm, the sleeve of your top shifting slightly with the motion.
“What if…” You gnaw the inside of your cheek. Remus waits. “What if everyone thinks that?”
“Mm. Well, for what it’s worth, I don’t think most people would. Surely not anyone who knows you, or anyone worth being around.” He takes a breath, thinking. “You can’t always control what people think. I know you say I’m biased, but anyone who thinks something like that really isn’t worth thinking about at all. You’ve got enough going through that head of yours, yeah?” He kisses your hair fondly.
“I guess so,” you admit.
“Yeah,” Remus decides. He pulls away to see your face, pushing hair away from your tacky cheeks. “I’d say so.”
You wonder if you look as horrendously in love as you feel. You think you must, because your boyfriend’s expression softens impossibly further as he turns his head to give you a proper kiss. You feel raw but comforted, and suddenly, totally exhausted.
“Let the bullies worry about themselves.” Remus gives you a tender look. “I’ll worry about you.”
You let a small smile tilt your lips. “And what am I left to worry about?”
“Nothing,” he says solemnly. “Think you can manage that?”
“Nope.”
“Mm. Well, try.”
#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x fem!reader#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x y/n#remus lupin x self insert#remus lupin fanfiction#remus lupin fanfic#remus lupin fic#remus lupin hurt/comfort#remus lupin fluff#remus lupin imagine#remus lupin scenario#remus lupin drabble#remus lupin blurb#remus lupin one shot#remus lupin oneshot#marauders#marauders fanfiction#marauders fandom#the marauders#hp marauders#marauders era#marauders x reader
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Danny was far to used to needles to flinch when Mr. Alfred stuck him. His stupid DNA wouldn’t stay in tact long enough for them to verify his story, so he suspected either this would knock him out and he will be taken back out to where they’d gotten him or they’re being nice and putting him out of his misery quickly. If it’s the former, then he’ll have to find another way to survive- or a nice place to die. He didn’t get a lot of time to wander around Gotham before going to the GCPD, but dying in his… original’s city would at least be thematically valid. That’s what Mr. Lancer said about Danny’s analysis of Hamlet, that his “unique interpretation was thematically valid”, meaning Danny was wrong but did the work and would get a passing grade for turning it in. At least keeping it together long enough to continue existing would be the last thing he failed to do and his teachers wouldn’t have to worry about grading his thrown-together-at-the-last-minute bullshit.
“So, basically, since the only way to get a good sample of your DNA is to stop it from degrading, this is going to be a kind of two in one solution.” The man – teen? Red Robin didn’t seem that much older than Danny but it felt wrong not to think of him as an adult or at least older. He was obviously more experienced, smarter than Danny, and had been chosen as one of Batman’s sidekicks. “If you’re B’s clone, this modified, uh, kinda virus type thing will infect your entire body and basically, like, re-instruct your DNA on what shape it’s supposed to be. You know, Batman shaped. If you’re not B’s clone, then it will... do nothing and we’ll have to come up with something else.”
Danny stared at him, then at the band-aid now on his arm where he’d just been injected. “What?”
“Yeah, it’ll probably take a few days to actually be sure it’s working and we might have to re-administer it depending on your immune system’s reaction. But, if you’re telling the truth, then we did it!” Red Robin gave a little celebratory jazz hands.
Danny stared at Red Robin, then at the band-aid again. Something dripped into his arm and Danny was suddenly aware that he was crying. He hurried to wipe his eyes with his hand, “I – sorry, I wasn’t – I wasn’t expecting…”
“It’s alright. This has been stressful for you.” Danny heard Batman say and someone managed to put a tissue in his hand to clean up his face.
“I’m not going to die.” Danny didn’t even realize he was talking.
It wasn’t loud and it wasn’t clear through his shaking breath, but Batman responded anyway. “You’re not going to die.”
Danny just kind of, curled up in himself, his face completely hidden behind his legs and arms, where the heroes of Gotham couldn’t see to hopefully save at least a little of his dignity. He wasn’t going to die, he was going to keep living. He didn’t know what to do now, but he was alive! He thought he could feel it already, that the aches and pains that had been slowly growing more intense over the past few months – his entire life – were fading. He could go back home to his friends at least, tell them the truth about why he’d left, let them know he wasn’t going to be more dead than he already was, give Jazz a hug and let her know her little brother wasn’t going anywhere. The Fentons – he could talk to them when he was ready.
It took him a few minutes to get back in control of himself, but once he was able to breath without shaking he looked up again. Red Robin and the guy who’d been with regular Robin where gone. Robin was still there, staring at him from across the room, and Batman was a few feet away, working on something else.
“Master Bruce,” Mr. Alfred said, but Danny was the only one who looked at him. “I’ve prepared a guest room.” The older man then turned to look at Danny. “Have you eaten dinner yet?”
“Um, no?” Danny’s voice was hoarse from crying so much it made his face blush.
“I thought as such. If you’ll follow me, I’ve already prepared a small meal for you...” Mr. Alfred said with a small bow and then turned to almost fully face the back of Batman and spared a glance at Robin. “...all three of you, since the two of you left to meet with Commissioner Gordon before dinner was properly served.”
Danny cringed at having made them leave before they’d been able to eat dinner. He watched as Batman seemed to ignore Mr. Alfred, but Robin looked like he at least heard what was said.
“We’re going to-” Mr. Alfred cleared his throat making Batman stop and sigh, then he stood up from his amazing computer that Danny low key wanted to play with.
He slid the mask off his face. “We’ll be up, give us a minute to change.”
Danny tried not to stare at Batman’s bare face. He didn’t expect to see it, though he guessed he can understand why. It’d be Danny’s face eventually, but it still felt wrong. Danny was already being given so much trust; they’d brought him into their lair, weren’t being careful with names anymore, and now showing Danny this, letting him know Batman’s true identity, it was too much. But maybe- maybe Batman didn’t think the virus thing was going to work and Danny wasn’t going to live long enough to share it. Red Robin had said something like that. That they really weren’t sure their injection would work at all or that it might only work a little bit or maybe it reset the degeneration or something like that. That really made more sense than Batman trusting Danny this much. Still...
Danny followed Mr. Alfred to a small elevator that could hold two people comfortably, or four people uncomfortably. And Danny turned around to see Robin still directly glaring at him as the doors shut. There weren’t any buttons in the elevator, but it moved very fast and they were at the top in seconds. It opened to what looked to be an office with a big desk with a computer and bookshelves, but there were also two couches facing each other with a coffee table in the middle – so it was like an office slash meeting room.
Mr. Alfred stepped out in front of Danny and motioned for him to follow. “This way to the dining room, I’ll be sure to give you the full tour once everyone has had dinner.”
“You really don’t have to. I don’t want to take up too much of your time.” Danny said, following behind him and trying not to get distracted by where they were. It was a big house, much bigger than his home – than the house he grew up in. And the further they got, the more it looked like it might be somewhere close to what Vlad’s house was. Maybe not the Cheese Castle, but the “little” mansion he’d gotten in Amity Park.
“It’s not a waste of time.” Mr. Alfred said and they started down a big staircase. “I think it will be important for you to become familiar the manor and grounds. It’s quite easy for people to get lost here.”
Danny wanted to say it wouldn’t really matter, that he was only staying long enough to satisfy their observation of him- make sure their efforts didn't go to waste. But, the tour would mean that Danny would know where he was and wasn’t allowed to go and he’d be able to stay out of the way easier while he was there.
They soon entered a large room with a giant table in it. There were several plates set and several dishes. “I assumed you have the same allergies as Master Bruce, but are there any extra dietary needs you require? Master Damian is a vegetarian so there are already options for it.”
“Oh, no, I’ll eat whatever you give me.”
Mr. Alfred nodded and pulled out a chair for Danny. “There is roast chicken and baked marinated tofu, rosemary potatoes, steamed broccoli, and a wild rice salad with tomatoes, red onion, red bell pepper, pine nuts, and a honey-lemon dressing.”
“Thanks. This all looks great!”
“It does.” Batman said as he entered the room. He was wearing normal clothes now, just a black sweater and gray pants. Robin came in behind him, he was wearing a dark green long sleeve shirt and normal looking jeans.
Danny suddenly realized he was in the seat next to the head of the table and that was obviously where Batman sat down. Robin sat across from him, still glaring, but Danny was starting to think the other kid might just have resting bitch face and Danny would either just get used to it or see Robin so little it wouldn’t matter.
Danny must have sat frozen for a little too long there, because Mr. Alfred leaned over the table. “Here, I’ll get you started, but usually this is a serve yourself household so that everyone gets what they want and as much as they want without shame or embarrassment.”
Danny just nodded and let the man do as he pleased. It felt kind of weird, sitting at a table and eating with his… He wouldn’t have said family, but that is technically what they were, right? Danny literally had Batman’s DNA in him, and Robin had called the man Father with a capital F, so that kind of made them brothers? Cousins? Uncle and nephew? Or father and- Danny cut that line of thought and grabbed the nearest eating utensil to focus on eating instead.
“Holy shit, this is good.” Danny said before he realized he’d said it. He looked at Batman. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to swear.”
Batman shrugged it off with a smile, “It is good food. I often forget how spoiled I am with good food.”
Mr. Alfred hummed at that and, Danny felt more than saw, an exchange of looks between the two older men. Mr. Alfred probably deserved more appreciation for cooking like this and Batman didn’t think he needed to vocalize the appreciation, that it was simply understood he loved Mr. Alfred and all the work he did.
“So, you eat meat?” Robin asked. He seemed a little off-put by Danny taking some of the chicken after getting some of the tofu.
Danny shrugged. “I mean, I’ll eat anything that doesn’t attack me.”
Robin narrowed his eyes. “So should I attack you so you don’t eat me?”
“What? I’m not cannibal? What?” Danny said and looked between the other people in the room. Batman looked exasperated and Mr. Alfred looked half amused at Robin and half offended on Danny’s behalf.
“Then why do you need to specify that you prefer your food doesn’t attack you?”
“Because I... don’t most people prefer food that you don’t have to kill first?”
Robin gave him a sardonic look. “You have to kill all meat before you eat it.”
Danny shook his head, “No, I mean like – when you eat it. Like, you sit down to eat and then the hot dogs grow mouths and teeth and attack you so you have to kill it before you eat it.”
Robin’s glare turned into a shocked stare, and Batman and Mr. Alfred joined in staring at him. “What?”
“What do you mean “what?”?” Robin was annoyed at him. “Hot dogs do not come to life and attack people.”
Oh fuck. He’s ruined it. He doesn’t know what he’s ruined, but he’s too weird for The Batman. Danny started shoveling food into his mouth so he’d stop talking and freaking out Batman.
“How does that happen?” Batman asked and there goes Danny’s hope of being less weird.
Danny swallowed and waved his free hand around a little bit. “I – it’s just that my- the people I lived with before weren’t very good at keeping their specimens quarantined, and they also liked to experiment with food. So, just, sometimes the hot dogs or a turkey or other foods would just, come to life and we’d have to kill them.”
There was a beat of silence before Mr. Alfred asked, “And did you eat this experimental food?”
Danny half shrugged, “There wasn’t really anything else to eat, so yeah.”
Mr. Alfred hummed and it sounded like he might be worried. “I can assure you that nothing like that has ever happened here.”
“Oh. Okay. Cool.” Danny said and, again, tried to eat his way out of the conversation. But it was too awkward. “But, Mr. Alfred, your food is way better than any of that stuff.”
“I would hope so.” Mr. Alfred said. “And feel free to take as much as you want, we have plenty.”
Danny hadn’t even noticed he’d cleaned his plate already. He was about to refuse, but the look on Mr. Alfred’s face made it feel like it would insult the man if Danny didn’t get seconds. So he did.
“What are their names?” Batman suddenly asked.
Danny glanced at him. “Who’s names?”
“You’re… creators.”
The one question Danny hated above all others; ever since he was a little kid who realized that his parents were the town weirdos and that their status as the town weirdos had spread to Danny before he even knew how to walk. He felt the unfortunately familiar mix of the heat from embarrassment and cold from the rejection experience made him know was coming. He wanted to look anywhere but at someone. “Why do you want to know?”
“They made a clone of Father.” Robin said with disdain, and yeah, Danny should have known that. He knows how much it hurts to be cloned. “What if they try again?”
Danny tried to sound as matter of fact as possible. “The Fentons, Jack and Maddie. They’re married to each other. And yeah, they do want to try again, but they used up all their Batman DNA making me.”
“They want to make another one?” Robin was somehow even more annoyed.
“Well, I mean, their first one was such a failure…” Danny half mumbled then sighed and added. "It’s why they want to autopsy me. So they don’t make the same mistakes twice.”
Danny spared a glance. Now Batman was glaring and Danny couldn’t blame him. He doesn’t know how widespread the Fenton name is, but if anyone knows them, it’s not because of how caring, thoughtful, or altruistic they are. And here Danny was, his very existence a violation so deep he wouldn’t blame Batman if he kicked Danny out right that second.
So Danny decided to give the man the opportunity to do that. “How long is the observation?”
Batman’s face quickly changed from angry to confused, so Danny reiterated. “You know, for the kinda virus thing? How long do do you want me here under observation?”
Batman still looked a little confused but went along with the change in topic. “It should take somewhere between two days and two weeks to be certain of it’s effects.”
Danny nodded. “That’s the range they estimated it would have taken for me to completely destabilize, so I can go back once it’s confirmed.”
“Go back?” Batman seemed more confused.
And that made Danny confused. “It’s not like I can stay here forever.”
Batman frowned at that, but Robin spoke first. “You want to go back to the people who want to autopsy you?”
“It’s either them or that guy I told you about earlier.” Danny said and indicated to Batman cause he thinks Robin might have been too far away to hear that part in the cave. "And it's not like they actively try to kill me - I mean, well, usually anyway. It's more of a -if I just so happen to die- type thing."
“Why not stay here?” Batman asked.
Danny couldn’t help the look on his face. Stay here? With Batman? The man he’s been secretly measured against his whole life? The person he’s failed to be time and time again? Danny’s not sure he could take that. “No, you don’t want me here.”
“Should you let us decide that?” Batman gave Danny a pointed look.
Danny shouldn’t answer that. He knows they wont want him. No one wants him. Even Vlad; he doesn’t really want Danny, he wants Maddie’s Son, he wants to steal Jack’s Son, he wants The Other Halfa. Danny knows that he’s just going to burden Batman and his family and the other vigilantes. But he’s not going to say that. He knows better than to argue about where he belongs.
What are you? A ghost trying to fit in with humans or some creepy little boy with creepy little powers?
So Danny folded immediately. “Sorry, you’re right. You get to decide who does and doesn’t get to stay in your house.”
Danny was looking at his mostly empty plate and didn’t see that statement earn him a frown from everyone else in the room.
Danny sighed and glanced over to Mr. Alfred. “I know you said you wanted to show me around, but I’m really tired. Can I just go to bed?”
“Of course.” Mr. Alfred said and motioned for Danny to follow him.
Danny didn’t talk, though Mr. Alfred gave him general direction on how to get from the dining room to the bedrooms, pointed out whose rooms were whose, let Danny know he had an en suite and a dresser full of clothes the other boys didn’t wear anymore. Danny hadn’t realized that Batman had such a big family and he wondered how they would feel after learning that Danny existed. He doubted any of them would accept him. He could hope one of them might want to be his friend, but he knows who he is, what he is. He wont hold any of their feelings against them.
Gut Feeling
DPXDC
Commissioner Jim Gordon meets an odd kid in the precinct.
--
“Come on, you really don’t have a way to directly contact Batman?”
Jim smiled. Kids came to the station and asked that all the time. Usually, it was just curiosity and showing them the signal was enough to get them to sign up for the Junior Police program. This one looked a little older than most, teenagers were often “too old” to believe in Batman, but again, give them a little faith now and they’ll never loose it.
“Lookin’ for the Bat, kid?” Jim asked, knowing he was about to make this kid’s –
Jim froze. The kid turned to face him and it was Bruce Wayne. Not playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne, but freshly a teenager Bruce Wayne. The Bruce Wayne who Jim had checked in on time and again from age eight until he ran off on a globetrotting trip to find himself. The little Bruce Wayne with too pale skin and dark bags under his eyes, and not enough love to make up for all the grief weighing him down. And he didn’t look like Damian either, where Bruce was obviously his father but there were distinct traits from his mother. This was a carbon copy of a boy Jim remembered vividly.
“I am.” He even sounded like teenage Bruce. All business, like he was on a mission.
“I might be able to help you, but it’ll take a while.” Jim said and the officer the kid had been talking too gave him an odd look. He waved her off and told the kid to follow him to the commissioner’s office. Normally, he’d be more dramatic, put on more of a show for the kid, but his gut told him this was different, this was important. He offered the kid a styrofoam cup of water then closed the door behind him. “So, what do you need to talk to Batman for?”
“It’s personal. I need to talk to him in person.”
Jim took a sip of coffee from his cup. “He doesn’t appreciate me calling for no reason in the middle of the day.”
“So you do have a direct line?” The kid nearly jumped out of his seat. “If he’s upset, it’ll be my fault, just call him, please.”
“Who should I say wants to talk to him?”
The kid hesitated. “He doesn’t know me, but I have to talk to him.”
Jim frowned. “What’s your name, kid?”
He swallowed and looked like he wasn’t going to answer for a moment. “Danny.”
“Danny…?” Jim wanted a last name but Danny kept quiet. Jim sighed, “He’s likely not going to show up until sundown.”
“I can wait, as long as you guarantee he’ll show.”
“And you’re not going to tell me why you need Batman?” Jim just got a glare in response. “What about one of the other heroes?”
“Only Batman, no one else can help.”
“You sure about that? Not even Superman?”
“Not unless Superman can get me in the same room as Batman.”
“Why’s it so important that you meet him in person?”
“It’s personal.”
Jim liked this less and less by the minute. “Do your parents know you’re here?”
Danny looked away but right when it looked like he wouldn’t say anything he mumbled. “They wouldn’t care anyway.”
After another moment to give the kid time to reconsider, Jim pulled out the Bat-phone. It was a normal Wayne-Tech cell phone, but Jim had been given very specific instructions on how and when to use it. The phone listed all the Gotham Vigilantes without visible numbers so they couldn’t be copied and handed out. He pressed the one for Batman.
“Stand outside, would you?” The kid gave him a look, but followed the request. Jim could see his shadow in the door’s window, not so subtle eavesdropping.
It rang a few times, and Jim sat there awkwardly with a teenager listening to his every move. Finally, a familiar voice picked up the other end of the line. “Commissioner Gordon.”
“Sorry to call you out of the blue Batman, but I’ve got a kid here who needs your help.”
“Who?”
“Says his name is Danny, that you’ve never met him but you’re the only one who can help him.”
“Why?”
“Refuses to tell me.”
“What’s your best guess, Commissioner?”
Jim looked at Danny’s shadow, it looked like he was straining his ears to try and hear what he was saying. Danny had given him almost nothing to work with. Just his name, that he’s never met Batman but needs to talk with him in person. But Jim was here because he listened to his gut. A feeling like when you see a random rock on your neighbor’s doorstep but you’d never go in without an invitation. A feeling like you know what’s in the present and are preparing your surprised face. A feeling like when you cheated on your wife and you know she knows.
“He looks like Bruce Wayne.”
A beat of silence. “What?”
“Danny looks exactly like Bruce when he was a teenager. Exactly the same.” Jim hoped Batman would get it, feel in his gut what Jim felt.
“And he wont say why he’s there?”
“No, and he demands to see you in person.”
“I’ll be there in an hour.”
“10-4.” The line cut off before Jim had finished saying it. He called Danny in again. “He’s on his way.”
Danny glared at him. “If he’s not, if you called some social worker or something, you’ll regret it.”
“I’m sure.” Jim sighed and downed the rest of his now cold coffee.
The sun hadn’t set, but only just barely. Jim ended up taking Danny up to the roof in the end after all, if only to save his window from being broken into. The kid had a red hoodie on, but he was still shivering in the autumn chill and it was just going to get colder by the minute as the sun made its way behind the horizon.
Jim checked his watch and, at exactly an hour from when he called, he acted surprised when Batman and Robin appeared out of nowhere. “Bats.”
“Commissioner.” Batman greeted but his eyes went straight for Danny. “Danny, I assume.”
“Yeah, I…” Danny hesitated, looking at Jim and Robin.
All it took was four words from Batman. “What do you need?”
The kid held out his hand with a flash drive in it. “I’m your clone. My par- The people who made me wanted to make a stronger version of you, but they got ahead of themselves. My DNA is degrading and I’ll die if I don’t get your DNA to stabilize me.”
Holy cow.
“You don’t expect us to believe that, do you?” Robin sneered at him.
“The flash drive has all the info on it. All the data about the cloning process and the, uh, relevant experiments after that.” Batman gave the kid a look. “I didn’t want to waste time on unnecessary data.”
“If what you’re saying is true, why are you here, alone? Are they working on a different solution?”
Danny’s shoulders hiked up. “I’ve been a failure for a while now, I’m not worth the resources and they’d learn more from an autopsy.”
Oof, kid. Jim looked at Batman who seemed to feel the same… if Jim was reading him right.
“So, you wont object to a DNA test?” Robin asked with a cocky head tilt, at least he was relatively easy to read.
“You can try.” Danny said, and then realized what that sounded like. “I mean I wont stop you, but my DNA degrades faster outside my body. You’ll have to take me to whatever lab you plan on using.”
“Then we will.” Batman said and jerked his head towards where they’d probably parked that ridiculous car of his. But then he looked at Jim with a nod. “Commissioner.”
“Batman.” Jim returned the nod. “You’ll tell me how things turn out, yeah?”
“I’ll give you a report.” Batman joked – Jim could tell, it was gut feeling.
#dpxdc#jim gordon#danny fenton#damian wayne#bruce wayne#tim drake#dick grayson#alfred pennyworth#fanfic#my writing#round robin fic
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I'm going to blame wanting an update on my favorite wasp boy on my high fever XD
He’s a good boy and I hope you feel better soon!
Worker Bee Pt 13
Waspinator x Reader
• Venting raggedly, he leans into your warmth as you tug him back into your hive and he lays his head against you. Feels your arms wrap around him and doesn’t resist when you pull him to that broken, soft couch. “What happened?” You demand, soft hands drifting over him. Didn’t mean to worry you. Wants to apologize. Truthfully, he’s been hurt much worse before and his self repair systems are already working to seal torn lines and stop him from bleeding out energon. He’d gorged himself, drinking as much as he could find knowing the punishment would be the same no matter how much or how little he stole.
• Sucking in a sharp breath as you help him ease down on your couch and you see whatever the glowing stuff he’s bleeding is all over you, you gingerly touch his face. One mandibles isn’t closing properly and an optic is squinted shut. And as annoying as he is, this makes you want to hurt someone for hurting him. Because yes, he frustrates you, but he’s sweet and gentle. He didn’t deserve this. “How can I help?” You ask, cautiously touching that mandible and wondering if you should try and push it back into alignment or if that will hurt. Know he’s a machine, but also that he’s alive and feels things. “Waspinator? Talk to me, honey.”
• Has your voice ever been that soft before? Doesn’t think so, but loves it. Wants you to keep talking to him like that. Like he’s not a nuisance, like you care about what happens to him because no one else does. Catching your arm and tugging you down on top of him, he rolls you both so you’re safe between the cushioned back of the couch and his frame. The Combaticons wouldn’t have followed him just to finish the beating. At least he hopes not. “Stay,” he hisses, resting his head on top of yours, feeling you still shaking from the cold.
• Squirming as he shifts to pin you more firmly, you give up. “You’re hurt. At least let me do something about the blood.” Glowing, alien blood all over your couch and you both. At least it’s not acidic? And he just gives a low, buzzing growl, draping an arm across you to keep you still. Is he dying? How bad is he hurt? You have no idea and you hate this. Clawed servos rub almost absently against your spine.
• “Tired,” he growls, one mandible ruffling your hair as he just savors having you unresisting in his arms. Pretending you want to be there, that his little friend wants him the way he wants you by his side always. Someone to be glad to see him, who doesn’t try to hurt him or laugh at him. Mock the way he talks, his alt mode. Can feel your warm breath against the mesh of his neck, your softness pressed against him. Just wants to have this as long as possible. To belong somewhere. Shakily reaching up to cup the back of your head, servos threading through your hair, he hums for you, trying to ease your worry for him. He’s been beaten much worse before, this is nothing. But that you care? That’s everything to him. Because you see him.
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Back with batsis stuff and kinda wanna do the whole isekai thing. Have reader meet their end somehow and wake up in a fanfic that was never finished of a neglected batsis. Have them wake up at the incident that made them get sent over to Bruce.
Have the original girl’s memories and knowing already they didn’t like her, didn’t want her, etc. she decided to just live for herself and future. Girlie went with her father who gave her that initial attention but after that she was taken to her room. She’s six. Have her give that grieving period of two weeks where she just got used to the room and the manor before she started asking for things. It’ll be probably one form of martial arts and later on probably also either music or dance. When she isn’t doing either of those things she sketching in her book and she’s actually really good.
Have her be closest with Alfred but still keep a certain wall up against him just like the others. Have her be a few months older than Damian and Damian isn’t quite in the picture yet. She ignores when the others are in the house despite being a part of said home. She only looks for her father for school needs and while still keeping her distance will set birth cards and Father’s Day cards on his desk in the study. She never hands them to him so she doesn’t know what he does with them nor does she care.
If the character she is reborn as is meant to be neglected, why should she bother trying to reach out?
She eventually had no choice but to meet Jason because he was there… they didn’t know how to explain to her why red hood is there. She simply said “Hello, I would chat but I have Jujitsu in 20 so I have to leave. Nice meeting you.” It was concerning how she brushed it off. Of course she realizes after ‘oh none of them would know I know… nah I’ll just continue on. Who knows, it might bother them!’
By the time Damian gets there, she’s been through karate, jujitsu, and only a year of Taekwondo while also taking dancing/music lessons. She has won art competitions but only Alfred has ever seen or heard. Bruce may have heard but he barely listened to the announcement of it. He knows from a portrait she was forced to sit for with Bruce, Tim, and Dick, she exists. Yet, it takes a week for him to ever see her.
He asks questions like in the original, but what batsis reader doesn’t understand is she changed how Damian sees her since she wasn’t immediately clingy to anyone. Dick TRIES to remember anything and realizes he doesn’t really know her. Tim can’t really tell him anything either other than medical records in case anything happens. Literally all Tim gave Damian was that Damian and batsis have the say blood type. They realize they really don’t know batsis which does unnerve them. All they can say is she stays to herself. That both irritates Damian and intrigued him. He tries Alfred next who is able to at least tell him what she does routinely at least. How she’s been in martial arts after her first two weeks living here, implied she was grieving, and she’s also been in music/dance lessons as well. Also explains she enjoys participating in art contests. He goes on about her being an A+ student and explains she doesn’t interact much with the rest of the family. He even says “To be honest, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one she talks to in any capacity that isn’t out of necessity.”
Jason pretty much only knew about one of the martial arts being jujitsu. He explains she didn’t seem phased that red hood had entered her home and that she didn’t know about the Batman secret.
He doesn’t immediately approach her either. He doesn’t have all the information he needs. All he knows is she’s his half sibling, her usual activities, at least one of the forms of martial arts she knows, and that otherwise she’s a bit of a mystery. Eventually they’re forced to eat at a family dinner together. Since it really bothered Dick that he didn’t know anything he starts asking her about school. No one ever asked her questions, half the time they act like she isn’t there, so she’s confused, but politely says it’s been fine. Talks briefly about her classes, the mention of what classes she’s currently taking makes Tim and Dick shocked. For Tim it’s simply the fact that *she* was taking them and for Dick it’s the fact someone her age was taking such advance classes. Tim coughed and asked her what she did after school on Friday, mostly to hear anything else and she’s like “Oh just another art competition. I placed first with my painting.” She says and continues eating.
Bruce honestly is trying to process what he heard and saw and Damian treats it as a way to analyze her. The way she eats, the way she talks, her posture, and of course the tiny bits the boys were getting out. She then says “I’m sure Alfred has already told you about that, however, right father?” He coughs for a moment and nods as to hide the fact he himself has been caught off guard. For Damian she isn’t like a role model for what he’s grown up with, it’s more she’s a role model for what a Wayne is. She’s perfect in all things you’d expect the public to see a Wayne for. Knows arts, has some martial arts background, and has a certain air of modesty yet wealthy around her.
This attention to her is still brief at this time for Tim, Dick, and Bruce. They ask if she’s met Damian and she says “Not really, at best some glances. I’m always moving after all.” That dinner felt awkward, but Damian decided she wasn’t Particularly a threat…
And by all things holy it annoys the crap out of Tim. He actually tries to speak to her—which she is cautious at first because she knows what he did to the original Batsis. Instead of drawing his sword on her, he asked about her martial arts since that’s really all he can… talk about with her… and the part that annoys Tim on it… is simply he won’t shut up about her-
And he thought when Damian called himself the blood son was annoying! Now it’s ’blood sibling’ this and that if bringing her up in conversation occurs. It’s clear he respects her in such annoying ways.
I just imagine the Yandere Batfam doesn’t all happen at once. It starts with Damian. You don’t see it at first because you blame his upbringing. He’s stuck to your side during banquets as much as he despises them. He mirrors some of your ‘mask’ etiquette in that all the Wayne’s have an image. You kept yours on as rock solid as possible, you are not the same person. He can tell you must have some inspiration from your father as yours is a rather innocent persona. You act like a social butterfly amongst the people and seem so damn sweet. He just doesn’t like how many eyes are on you. You acted like you couldn’t feel it, but it’s hard to ignore Damian. In fact, it accidentally wentinti his persona as people saw him as a clingy little brother to his slightly older sister. That it just made ‘sense’ since you two are so close in age.
Damian would just get worse as time went on. It’s get to the point you realize he isn’t faking or anything he actually just likes you. Then you get kidnapped.
I imagine no one but Alfred and Damian realize something is wrong. He’s the reason they find you and he nearly kills the guy who kidnapped you. Of course it’s not like you just let them take you, there was evidence even before they were brought to an inch of their life. You hadn’t made it easy and they could tell you had injured them beforehand. However they had broken your legs and that’s when I’d get worse for Damian and start in Bruce.
I might add more thoughts later I dunno it’s kind of an idea dump
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Something Positive- S. Reid
Spencer Reid x Fem Agent Reader
Summary: 99 negative things and 1 positive. How will it ever turn out okay?
Warnings: season 7, mentions of pregnancy, pregnancy fear, nausea, mention of miscarriage talks, Spencer being scared and probably says the wrong things 😭 anyway, fluffy, but also depressing themes. I haven’t finished proofreading, oops lol idc.
You’re supposed to know your body and every little change it makes because, well, it’s your body.
So blame this all on your brain that often skips over the small things that it should really pay attention to. You could have suspected this earlier if you would’ve just slowed down for two seconds, but what difference would it make if you came to the conclusion earlier?
Absolutely none.
The test in your hand would still be positive and you would still have the feeling you do now.
A mixture of fear and devastation.
Spencer isn’t in the apartment you just moved into a month ago, he’s at Rossi’s with the rest of the team like you’re supposed to be. But you played the flu card and forced him to go without you. Then you forced yourself to the corner store and bought two pregnancy tests, a back up for good measure. It isn’t needed, the two lines are almost bold as they stare at you. The dates of the calendar back it up, as well as the queasiness about you.
You’re pregnant.
You. You are pregnant.
That can’t be.
You throw away the test, all the evidence goes into the trash and you try to calm your racing heart. You wash your hands and your face, though tears just keep falling no matter what.
This really wasn’t supposed to happen, it shouldn’t be happening. You’re traveling so often for cases, and there’s so much going on with the team. Emily just came back from the dead, literally, that’s already too much to deal with, you don’t need to add anymore stress to the team. You’re no help if you’re pregnant.
Spencer won’t be any help either if his main concern is you.
Staring at your reflection, you suddenly don’t feel real. You rub your eyes and push your hair back, overwhelmed with so many feelings, you can’t distinguish one from the other.
You do know one feeling from the rest.
The urge to bolt.
Blame the hormones, but you quickly leave the bathroom and slip into a pair of shoes, then grab for your coat and keys, and just like that, you’re gone.
Wandering aimlessly, you suck the evening air into your lungs as you walk the streets, past shops and people with different lives. You’re lost in thought, no better than a zombie as you continue to wipe your eyes.
It took you and Spencer long enough to even get together, you just finished placing your things in his apartment, there’s no room for a crib. He has far too many books, he’d have to sacrifice even more space for things a baby needs. The both of you work odd hours and sleep in bad motel rooms and fly all over the country and get shot at. You aren’t an expert but that doesn’t seem healthy.
There is no room for a baby in your life. Period.
The team has only experienced pregnancy with JJ and-
JJ.
Your friend who would know exactly what to do and how to help, the friend you have given the cold shoulder to ever since you found out that she let you mourn Emily, your best friend, for weeks and weeks. She let you cry and talk about how hard things have been for and Spencer, especially Spencer, and she didn’t say a single thing that she knew Emily was okay.
You have a feeling of bitterness now to join your emotion smoothie.
Up ahead, you see a tired mother trying to pull her crying toddler out of a drugstore. Her hair is tied up, she’s tugging at the child, giving up on arguing with him.
You turn around and decide home is actually where you need to be so you don’t vomit up your nerves in public.
When Spencer comes home, you’re sitting at the bottom of the tub, cheek to your knees as the spray of the shower hits you from above. You hear him take off his shoes and coat and walk to the bedroom, more than likely changing. He’s definitely tired.
He knocks on the bathroom door, checking on you.
“Hey, you feeling alright, angel?”
You sigh. He’s so perfect, arguably the best thing that’s ever happened in your life, and you’re going to ruin him with this news.
“I’ll be out in a second.” You call back, smoothing your hands over your hair, then look at the rings on your fingers.
Sliding one from your right hand to your left, you decide your ring finger just is going to stay bare.
“They missed you tonight, Emily said that you call her first if you need anything.” Spencer says as you rub lotion into your skin while sitting on the edge of the bed.
You hum.
“I think she’s just overcompensating, but she means well.” He claims, pulling the covers back.
You can’t tell him tonight, it’s not the right time. Instead you’ll just get some sleep, laying on your side, facing the window. As Spencer lays behind you, you push away his hand that splays on your stomach.
He goes a little stiff with confusion, but holds your hip without question, then whispers he loves you, like he does every night.
You live out a routine for the next following days to come. You wake up tired, you tell Spencer that you never get over the flu easily and that’s why you have the urge to throw up at any given second. When you’re tired of laying on the couch, you go back to work where everyone shares a look at how moody you can be.
“Is everything…okay?”
You look up from the evidence photos to find Hotch.
Most of the team is out all over the town you just got in, trying to solve the disappearance of three young girls.
Hotch suggested you stay at the police station with him for a while, giving Spencer some air after you snapped at him for no apparent reason.
“Everything’s fine.” You say, looking back down at the crime scene pictures.
“Is everything alright with you and Reid?” He pushes.
“Yes, we’re fine. I just hate it when he hovers, drives me crazy.” You huff, not giving him your attention.
Hotch had always been a sort of father to you. Almost like how Gideon was a mentor to Spencer, Hotch tried his hardest not to act like it but he was always very protective of you. No one could really blame him, he helped you through many things over the years, and along the way he became your family. So it makes sense that he’s questioning you now with a furrowed brow.
“I want you to know that if something is going on and you felt like you were alone…you aren’t. The whole team would move mountains for you.” He says in a very fatherly tone, a tone that has always seemed to affect you but never in the way it does now.
You quickly blink away tears and nod. “I just don’t feel well, but I’ll be okay.”
It’s quiet for a moment, and as Hotch looks you over, he proves how good of a profiler he really is. Slowly, he sits at the table and takes the papers from your hand, which is probably good, you’ve been staring at them for too long. Your eyes lift up to him.
“Does Reid know?”
Three words, and you want to flee.
“No.” You say hoarsely.
He nods in understanding. “This isn’t something you can do alone, but I understand if you need some time away to figure things out.”
You wrap your arms around your stomach, something you’ve been doing subconsciously. “This is my job.” You say.
“And it’s really stressful, so if you need some downtime, I’m glad to give it to you.”
Nodding, you understand. “Don’t tell anyone.” You ask of him, knowing he’d never betray you like that.
For two moments, you have a sense of peace.
And then Spencer and Morgan return, causing you to slip a mask back on and pretend you’re fine.
By some miracle, you get through the case and get home without any problems. Spencer on the other hand is convinced that you’re going through a mental break.
“Still tired?” He asks gently, at the end of the week, sitting on the bed and rubbing your leg as you bury yourself in the comforter.
You wordlessly nod, then try to sort out your thoughts.
“Baby?” He calls softly, a name he hardly ever calls you. “I think we should take you to a doctor.”
“Why?” You croak.
You know why. Spencer thinks you’re depressed, which you can’t really blame him, you’ve been laying in bed most of the day, turning your nose up at the idea of food, knowing it will all just make you feel sick. Your boyfriend is a great profiler, he notices your odd behavior these past couple days but he still can’t figure out why.
“I’m…I think they can tell you what’s wrong with you- not that anything is wrong with you but…there’s something wrong, isn’t there?”
Bless him and his softness he unconditionally shows you, but you just don’t have it in you to match his tenderness.
“I’m fine.” You state, tone not meaning it.
Before he can deny it and rub your leg again, you sit up too quickly and flee him, foolishly thinking he’ll stay put. Spencer is a golden retriever, though, so he follows loyally, only for the bathroom door to be slammed in his face.
“I’m concerned about you, okay?” He calls, voice muffled through the wood. “And I get scared when you just brush it off, brush me off.”
You stand at the sink, head drooped. The tears start slow, they fall into the basin. What was wrong with you? You have a man as good as Spencer and you’re ruining everything.
You fall into a dangerous storm of negative thoughts, all aimed at you like it’s target practice. The tears fall much quicker now, hot and sticky, your hand presses to your mouth to keep the sobs away.
Spencer hears you squeak, and immediately opens the door you should have locked.
You turn to face him, dropping the hand to your stomach.
His features twist into something of sadness and utter concern, he’s standing in front of you in just two steps.
“What is it?” He questions, holding your face in his hands, thumbs wiping at your tears. “What’s wrong, pretty girl?”
You can’t. You have to say it but you can’t.
A breath shutters through you and you shake your head. “Spence.”
“I’m right here, it’s alright.” He promises, so adamant that he can help.
“I…”
“Just breathe-”
“I’m pregnant.”
You’ve never seen him stop talking so fast. His mouth hangs open for a moment, then it closes.
All the years you’ve known Spencer, he’s never been at a loss for words. He’s trying so hard to just say something and he can’t. Maybe it’s the fear in your eyes that has him drawing a blank, maybe it’s the fact that he’s come up with ninety nine possibilities and this is the one he didn’t imagine.
“Okay.” He says after a heavy silence. “Okay, that’s, well it’s definitely something.”
Your tears don’t stop, in fact they might just fall heavier now.
He’s mad- no, he’s upset. He doesn’t want this and now everything is ruined. Your fears are coming true.
You pull his hands from his face, then brush past him.
He calls your name. “Wait, I don’t mean it like that. I just didn’t think about this, I haven’t planned for this yet.”
You pull one of his sweatshirts on and slide into your sneakers, not bothering with the laces before you slip from the apartment with a sense of deja vu, vanishing just like that.
- - - -
You’re not even sure how you got here, you’re sure you look like a wreck, but it’s too late to turn back now.
The door opens and JJ’s face morphs into confusion.
“Hey, Jay.” You try to smile, but when she opens the door wider and pulls you inside so quickly, it’s hard to maintain a composure.
You ramble, she lets you. For ten straight minutes you go on and on about everything, because you’ve had all of these thoughts bottled up and now you resemble something of a ship sinking beneath the waves. You apologize, you’re so sorrowful and tell her how wrong you are for saying all the hurtful things you said to her. She sits beside you on her couch while Will is upstairs with Henry. At some point she starts crying too because that’s what best friends do when their other half is saying she doesn’t know what to do. By the end of the confession and rant, you physically can’t cry anymore and your nose is red, face splotchy, and you just look at her, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Slowly, she takes your hand and says your name, grounding you.
“No one is going to say this to you so I will.” She says. “You’re not a monster for being scared.”
Your lungs exhale and she continues.
“But all of these concerns are just anxiety, they aren’t real. You can still do your job, the team won’t hate you, you are capable of doing this, life isn’t going to fall apart.”
She’s so sure, you’re practically forced to believe her.
“Spencer.” You mumble, watching as she takes a breath and nods like she knows.
“Reid is…Reid has the highest IQ and still doesn’t know the right thing to say. But this is news you sprung on him and he’s never had to deal with this sort of thing. He’s scared too.” She reminds, a little more honest with her words now that you’ve calmed down.
Just as you open your mouth to say something, her phone rings from its spot on the coffee table.
She squeezes your knee and grabs for it.
“It’s Spencer.” She says before answering it.
You can’t hear exactly all the words he says, but based off JJ’s reaction, he’s clearly panicked.
“Spencer- hey, slow down. It’s okay. No, she’s here with me. She’s fine.”
You feel guilty, so incredibly guilty. You left your cell in the apartment, not bothering to bring it with you, and the idea of Spencer freaking out because he has no way of reaching you, has your stomach churning.
Or maybe it’s the fact you’re starving.
Canons of your self destruction fire off at yourself, you’re sitting with your head hung as JJ talks him down. This wasn’t her job, this was yours. He’s your partner.
What are you doing?
As she hangs up, she gives you look, knowing you’re already heading for the door.
“Be easy on him, okay?” She says, squeezing your shoulder. “It’s gonna be alright.”
What a simple thing for her to say and a not so simple thing to do.
You go home, trying to rehearse conversations in your head. Surely, you look odd on the subway, whispering to yourself, trying to anticipate what Spencer will say. A few people shuffle off at a stop, and the seat across from you opens up. A woman takes it, she has a baby wrapped in a sling, it’s napping with its head on her bust and when she pulls the cover back, you can see it’s perfect round head. She gently strokes its fuzzy, brown hair and hushes it softly when it stirs.
Maybe life wouldn’t be so bad if that were you, feeling your child’s warmth.
When you get to the front door of your apartment, you take in one final breath and decide you can face the music.
You open the door, kick off your shoes and are immediately feel the rug getting yanked out from under you.
“You can’t just storm out!” Spencer says rather loudly, giving the reaction you didn’t want. “And leaving your phone here? Giving me no way to reach you? I called everyone!”
He’s angry.
“I was with JJ.” You say softly.
“Well, I know that now.” He huffs.
Shrugging off your coat, you gently approach.
“I’m sorry I worried you, please don’t shout.”
At your meek tone, Spencer immediately softens, scorning himself for being abrasive. He runs his hand over his face, rubbing his eyes, trying to get himself back in check.
“I’m sorry. Can- can we just sit down and talk about this, please?” He asks, moving to sit on the worn couch.
After a second, you follow.
He doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He wants to reach out and touch you, but given the way you seem to shrink into yourself, he just rubs his knees over and over again.
“How long have you known?” He asks, though he has some estimates.
You slowly breathe out. “A couple weeks.”
His lungs burn. A couple weeks?
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Your fingernails dig into your palms. “I was scared…I’m still scared.” And all that work to avoid his eye, you finally meet that puppy dog look of his and immediately break down.
You just can’t seem to stop crying. Why are you crying all the time?
“I’m so scared, Spencer, I’m so scared.” You shudder out, and those hands he awkwardly kept to himself are now pulling you to him, cradling your head to his chest and putting your legs in his lap.
“Hey, I know, I know. And I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, I made it worse, I’m sorry.” He whispers into your hair before moving his lips to your forehead. “I was surprised is all.”
“You aren’t mad at me?” You tremble, gripping his shirt. Never in your life have you been this clingy, and if the circumstances were different, you’d be embarrassed by this child like behavior. Spencer doesn’t mind it at all, he’s holding you like he’s the glue keeping you together.
“I’m not mad. I’m a little sad you didn’t tell me sooner, but I’m not mad. Why would I be mad at you?”
With his fingers in your hair, you take a few quick breaths. “I ruined everything.” You say as a cry.
He hates those words that just came out of your mouth.
Spencer shifts, pulling back to look at your face, red and tear streaked.
“Hey.” He coos. “You haven’t ruined anything, sweetheart, don’t even think that.”
Sniffling and wiping your eyes, you shake your head. “My career is over, the team is going to be inconvenienced, and you- you’re never going to be able to do your job the same. All the work you’ve done, it’s just ruined, I’ve done this to you.”
He cups your damp cheek. “Stop, stop. Listen to me, can you do that?”
You shut your mouth and nod.
“Good.” He says. “Now, you haven’t done anything wrong. It takes two to tango, yeah? The team is going to be elated, Penelope is going to throw this biggest party ever. We worked it out when JJ had Henry, we can do it again.”
There’s a way he can say all these things and it just makes sense in your mind. You nod along, this makes him smile.
“And as for me..” He tucks hair behind your ear. “I would give up all my degrees, I’d throw away all the progress and work I’ve done if it meant the only thing I had in my life was you and a baby that’s my own.”
You love him. You’ve never loved him more than you do now, in this moment, starving and crying and so scared. That’s why you lean forward and press your trembling lips to his, trying to steal the oxygen from his lungs.
Spencer is willing to breathe into your open mouth, even if it meant he’s have no part of himself left that was just his. In his mind, he doesn’t want Spencer to be Spencer, he wants your imprint in every part of himself so he’s no longer just him.
He kisses your hairline and then places your back in that space between his collar bone and jaw, it’s carved only for you anyway.
“Tell me everything that scares you.” He instructs, finger circling your bent knee.
You can’t say ‘everything’, so you say what you can form into words.
“It’s so soon, we haven’t talked about this yet.” You start.
“It’s a little early, but we have a home and a stable income and I love you and I want this if you want this.” He says so simply, as if he’s bandaging a paper cut.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, I could be really bad at it.” You state.
“We’ll figure it out together, I don’t know what to do either, but no one really does. But there is no way you will be a bad mom. That’s my professional opinion.”
You laugh lightly, he grins and subtly squeezes you.
“But what if it all goes bad? What if I can’t make it healthy, what if I…what if I lose it? Spencer, I don’t think I could live with myself if I was the reason you don’t get a living, breathing baby.” It hurts your chest to even say.
Spencer gently shushes you. “We won’t let that happen. We’ll make sure you’re healthy and doing everything you can to prevent that.”
You let that ease you into silence, then you wipe your eyes once more because you can’t stop crying.
“We’re not married.”
Did you say that out loud?
You must have because Spencer hums, not startled, but he mulls it over in his head.
“Does that matter to you?” He asks, genuinely curious. And you don’t know how to answer because you didn’t think it did.
But you said it, it’s been on your mind…so yeah, it might matter.
“Yeah, I guess…I don’t know.” You sigh, nudging your nose against his neck.
Spencer considers it, then hums like he does when he understands something. “Then we’ll get married.”
It’s the way he says it, so easy, makes you shake your head. “No, I don’t want you to marry me just because I’m pregnant now. Besides, planning a whole wedding is stressful.”
“That’s not why I said it, lovely. Yeah, we’re having this conversation because you’re pregnant but I want to marry you because it means something to me too. I don’t want to do life with anybody else besides you.” He states, dropping his chin to the top of your head, keeping you close to his pulse. “And a big wedding isn’t our style anyway. We can go to the courthouse right now if it’s what you want. Tomorrow you’ll have your name changed- or keep it, if that’s what you want.”
How perfect, how wonderful he is, and how lucky you are to be doing this with him.
Breathing in his scent once again, you nod. “I want to have the same last name as our baby. Oh god, our baby. That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever said.” You gently laugh.
“I like hearing it, though.” He says, a boyish smile, though he’s never been more of a man than in this moment.
You didn’t think your day would end like this, and perhaps this decision isn’t properly thought out, but the two of you want this.
You make it to the courthouse house just as they’re about to close, with the flashes of your credentials, they make a few exceptions. You don’t have rings, that part will get figured out later, and you there’s no grand catering, just Chinese food on the living room floor. It’s all perfect though, because you’re married and so in love with him and he’s giving you the last egg roll.
“You know, I didn’t think it was possible to be so hungry and nauseous at the same time.” You say, slurping up a noodle, washing it down with a Coke.
“You know, the fetal placenta produces a hormone called human chorionic gonadotropin that’s rapidly increasing, and if the mother is more sensitive to it, then they’re more nauseous.” Spencer states factually, proud that his knowledge applies to this.
“How do I cure it, Doctor?” You ask, a fond smile on your face.
“Don’t skip meals, like you have been doing. No more of that. We’re going to have to call your doctor tomorrow, and start prenatal vitamins. You know, if we push the dresser into the closet and shift the brown bookshelf over a few feet, that will free up space for a crib. You’ll want a side sleeper bassinet though, it slides right next to the bed so you don’t have to get out of bed as often.”
Having a baby with Doctor Spencer Reid was like having the next nine months planned out for you. As he rambles on with all the things that will need to be done, you laugh and lean over, kissing him to get him to pause.
“What was that for?” He asks, kissing you once more.
“I love you, that’s all.” I smile.
Tracing your jawline with his finger, he grins right back at you. “I love you too.”
After a moment, you speak again. “Am I a doctor now?” You ask.
“What? No.” He shakes his head.
“I’m technically Mrs. Doctor Reid.”
“Angel.” He laughs.
“That’s Doctor Angel to you.”
#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x fanfiction#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid hurt/comfort#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid comfort#criminal minds fanfiction
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Soon.
Hi again. This one is so dreamy!
nico hischier x reader
Theme: fluff, talking of engagement/marriage
Words: 2513
—————————————————————————
Nico paced nervously outside the jewelry store, his hands shoved deep in his coat pockets. He glanced at his phone to check the time. Your best friend, Emma, who had been sworn to secrecy, was running a few minutes late. When she finally appeared, she greeted him with a wide grin.
"Ready to pick the most important piece of jewelry in your life?" she teased, nudging his shoulder.
Nico chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, I guess. It has to be perfect, yeah? She deserves the best."
"Good thing you called me then," Emma said with a wink. "I know her taste better than anyone."
As they walked into the store, Nico's eyes darted around at the dazzling display cases. The sales associate approached, asking what they were looking for, and your best friend took the lead. "Engagement rings please. Something elegant but timeless," she said confidently.
Nico stood with his arms crossed as he stared at the endless rows of sparkling rings. Your best friend stood beside him, examining the rings just as closely, but with more confidence.
"Okay," she said, pointing to a tray of options. "These are nice, but not her nice. What do you think?"
Nico frowned, running a hand through his hair. "I don’t know... None of them feel right yet.”
The sales associate brought out another selection of rings, and Nico leaned in, scrutinizing each one. He tried to picture them on your finger but kept shaking his head. “I don’t think these are it either.”
Your best friend sighed, but not out of frustration. She knew how much this mattered to him. “Alright, let’s keep looking. We’ll know when we see the one.”
After about ten minutes of searching, the associate brought out a new tray. Nico’s eyes immediately landed on a ring in the center—a delicate band with a dazzling oval diamond surrounded by smaller stones. It was exactly what he had been searching for. “What about this one?” he asked, pointing to a simple yet stunning ring.
Your best friend examined it, tilting her head. “It’s gorgeous. Definitely her style.” She looked up at Nico, who was staring at the ring with a soft smile. “I think we have a winner.”
Nico nodded, his nerves easing as excitement began to take over. “I hope she loves it,” he murmured, almost to himself.
“She will,” your best friend reassured him with a warm smile. “And Nico, you already know this—getting married has been her dream since we were kids, but I bet she’d marry you even without a ring. She’s always said it’s not about the diamond or the ceremony—it’s about you. You’re her dream, Nico.”
Nico’s lips curved into a genuine smile, his fingers brushing over the ring. He looked up at your best friend, a mixture of disbelief and affection in his expression. “She said that?” Emma nodded.
His chest swelled with emotion as he held the ring tighter. “That just makes me want to give her everything even more.”
Emma nodded, a teasing smile on her lips. “Of course. Don’t let that stop you. She deserves the world, and if this ring is part of that, then it’s perfect.”
Nico chuckled, his confidence growing. “Yeah, she deserves this. And I want it to be everything she’s ever dreamed of.”
Emma patted his shoulder. “It already is. She has you.”
Nico smiled, his decision made. “This is the ring” he said and in his head this was the start of forever for you two.
The sales associate offered a polite smile as she carefully handled the ring. “You have exceptional taste,” she remarked. “This is one of our finest pieces... and also one of the priciest.”
Nico didn’t falter for a moment, his expression calm and focused. “That’s fine,” he replied smoothly, his tone matter-of-fact. “It’s perfect for her, and that’s all that matters.”
The saleswoman’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, but she quickly composed herself and processed the payment.
Your best friend grinned at her response. The she looked at Nico again. “She’s going to be over the moon, you know that, right?”
“Good,” Nico said with a chuckle. “That’s the plan.”
After making the purchase, Nico carefully tucked the ring box into his coat pocket. “Thanks for coming and helping me,” he said sincerely.
“Of course,” your best friend replied. “But now the hard part starts—keeping it a secret. She’s going to figure it out if you’re not careful.”
“I know,” Nico groaned. “I’m so bad at hiding things from her.”
“Well,” she said with a mischievous grin, “just act normal. And remember, when you need help planning the proposal, I’m only a call away.”
As Nico walked out of the store, he felt a mix of relief and anticipation. He couldn’t wait to see your reaction, and he knew he had made the right choice—not just in the ring, but in planning a future with you. ———————————— You were out with Nico and a group of friends, both yours and his, enjoying a relaxed evening at a rooftop bar. The weather was perfect, and everyone was laughing, exchanging stories, and sipping on their drinks. You leaned back in your chair, your hand casually resting on the table as you joined in the conversation.
Jack Hughes, always quick to notice things, suddenly tilted his head and squinted at your hand. “Wait a second,” he said, pointing. “Is that… a ring on THAT finger?”
You blinked, confused, before glancing down at your left hand. “Oh, this?” You lifted your hand slightly, showing off the small silver ring. “It’s just an old ring I’ve had forever. I wasn’t even thinking about it when I put it on.”
Jack smirked and leaned back in his chair, looking between you and Nico. “Sure, sure, just an old ring,” he teased, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “You’re not trying to tell us something, are you?”
The table erupted into laughter, and Nico, sitting next to you, chuckled nervously as he rested his arm on the back of your chair. “It’s not what you think,” he said, shaking his head with an amused grin. “Believe me, I’d know.”
“Would you?” Jack shot back, clearly enjoying himself. “Maybe she’s trying to send you a message, Hischier.”
You rolled your eyes, your cheeks heating up. “It’s seriously nothing. I wear it all the time! I didn’t even think about it.”
Emma, your best friend, leaned in with a mischievous smile. “You know maybe it does look like the kind of ring someone would wear to drop hints.”
“Oh my god, stop!” you said, laughing as you tried to hide your hand under the table. “You’re all ridiculous.”
Nico shook his head looking at Emma, his smile widening. “You guys are really reaching here,” he said, though there was a playful glint in his eye. “If it were that kind of ring, you’d know because she’d be telling everyone about it non-stop.”
The group laughed, and you playfully swatted his arm. “Excuse me! I’m not that bad.”
“Yes, you are,” Nico teased, leaning closer to press a quick kiss to your temple. “But I love that about you.”
As the teasing continued, Jack leaned forward, smirking at Nico. "So, captain, when are you putting a proper ring on her finger then? We're all waiting over here, right y/n?"
The group burst into laughter again, and you hid your face in your hands, already blushing furiously. "Oh my god, stop!" you groaned. "You’re going to scare him off!"
Nico, however, seemed entirely unfazed. He leaned back in his chair, his arm still resting around your shoulders, and smirked. “Soon, don’t worry, guys.” His tone was casual but confident, and the group fell silent for a beat before erupting into cheers and whistles.
You turned to him, your mouth slightly open in surprise. “Nico!” you exclaimed, half laughing, half mortified. “You can’t just say stuff like that!”
He grinned at you, clearly enjoying the reaction. “What? I’m just being honest.” he teased, squeezing your shoulder.
The table laughed even harder, and you tried to glare at him, but the smile tugging at your lips gave you away. "You're impossible," you muttered, your cheeks still burning.
“And you love it,” Nico shot back, leaning in to kiss you.
As the laughter and teasing died down, Nico gave you a quick wink. “Relax, schatz. When it happens, it’ll be perfect—and you’ll be the first to know. Well, maybe second after me…or third,” he added with a playful smirk.
You shook your head, smiling softly as you leaned into him, his confidence and calmness making your romantic heart flutter. ————————————— After dinner, Nico and Jack had slipped away to a quieter corner of the bar, leaving the rest of the group caught up in their own conversations. Nico was nursing a beer, while Jack leaned casually on the bar, his curiosity getting the better of him.
“So…” Jack started, a mischievous grin creeping onto his face. “When you said soon earlier about proposing—did you actually mean it? Or were you just messing with her?”
Nico smirked, lowering his glass. “What do you think?” he replied, his tone intentionally vague.
Jack tilted his head, narrowing his eyes at Nico. “Come on, man. You can’t leave me hanging. Is it really happening soon, or what?”
Nico glanced around to ensure no one else was paying attention before leaning forward slightly. “I already bought the ring,” he admitted in a low voice.
Jack’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. “No way! Are you serious?” he whispered, his excitement barely contained.
Nico chuckled, nodding. “Yeah. I found the perfect one. Emma helped me pick it out.”
Jack sat back in his chair, grinning from ear to ear. “Dude, this is huge. She’s gonna lose her mind. You know that, right?”
“I hope so,” Nico said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m nervous, though. I want it to be perfect.”
“Man, it doesn’t matter how you do it. She’s gonna say yes. She’s obsessed with you,” Jack teased, giving Nico a playful shove across the table. “But seriously, when’s it happening?”
“I’m still figuring that out,” Nico admitted. “It has to feel right.”
Jack nodded, still grinning. “Well, let me know when it’s happening. I’m gonna need tissues for this.”
Nico rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help smiling. “Yeah, yeah. Just don’t spoil the surprise.”
“Me? Never,” Jack said, feigning innocence before winking. "But I can’t wait for the bachelor party. That’s going to be legendary,” Jack said with a mischievous grin.
Nico chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re unbelievable. Already planning the party, and I haven’t even proposed yet.”
Jack leaned in one last time, his voice earnest. “Seriously, though, Nico. She’s gonna be so happy. You’re doing the right thing.”
That softened Nico’s smile even more. “Thanks, mate. That means a lot.”
The two shared a quiet moment before the rest of the group rejoined the conversation, none the wiser about the monumental plans brewing between them.
—————————————
Later that evening, as you curled up on the couch together, the laughter from earlier still fresh in your mind, Nico turned to you with a soft smile. “So… you really are excited to get married, huh?” he asked, his voice gentle but teasing.
You felt your cheeks heat up again, but there was no hiding it now. “Of course I am,” you admitted, resting your head on his shoulder. “I mean, not just for the wedding, but to spend the rest of my life with you. It feels… right, you know? Getting married has always been my dream, ever since I was a kid.”
Nico smirked, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “I already heard that.”
You blinked, caught off guard. “What?”
His expression shifted to one of mock innocence, and he quickly shook his head. “Nothing, nothing. Carry on,” he said, his voice light but clearly hiding something.
You turned to Nico with a smile. "Doesn’t matter, I was just saying... I’ve always wanted to get married.”
His hand moved to gently hold yours, his thumb tracing small circles over your knuckles. “Yeah, I know,” he murmured, his voice dropping slightly as if he was letting the weight of your words sink in. “And I’ve always known you’d be the one”, Nico said, his voice warm and full of certainty. "Hearing you talk about it like this gets me excited too—because it’s not just a dream anymore and I can’t wait to make it happen with you."
You looked up at him, surprised by the way his eyes were sparkling, as if the idea of marrying you was suddenly becoming more real for him too. “Really?”
He nodded, a small grin tugging at his lips. “Really. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but I guess tonight just reminded me how much I want it too. And it has to be perfect.”
Your heart skipped a beat. “What has to be ‘perfect’? The wedding?” you asked, your voice tinged with curiosity and excitement.
“Well yeah, but I meant the proposal now,” he said, his grin widening. “It has to be —something that makes you smile so much your cheeks hurt. But I don’t want you to guess it’s coming either. It needs to be a surprise.”
You laughed softly, squeezing his hand. “That’s going to be hard for you. You’re the worst at keeping secrets.”
Nico groaned dramatically, leaning his head back against the couch. “I know. That’s the problem. You’re going to figure it out, aren’t you?”
“Probably,” you teased with a smile. “But that doesn’t mean it won’t be special”.
He pulled you closer, pressing a kiss to your forehead and grinning to himself.
You smiled up at him, feeling a warm glow in your chest. “Take your time,” you whispered. “It’ll be worth the wait.”
Nico’s eyes lingered on yours, and without another word, he leaned in, capturing your lips in a kiss so full of intensity it stole your breath. It wasn’t rushed or fleeting—it was deep, purposeful, and left you melting against him.
There was something in the way he kissed you, an unspoken thought lingering behind his affection, but the way his lips moved against yours made it impossible to think about anything else. It wasn’t just a kiss; it was a promise.
What you didn’t know was that Nico’s mind was racing. He was already picturing the perfect moment, knowing he had almost everything planned out. For someone who wasn’t great at keeping secrets, he felt proud of how far he’d come without you suspecting a thing.
After the kiss, you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a warm embrace. His hands slid up your back as he buried his face in your hair, taking a deep breath. "You have no idea," he murmured to himself with a sly smile, pulling you closer.
And in that moment, as you snuggled closer to him, you couldn’t help but feel that “soon” might come sooner than you thought.
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Dissecting every reason people call Eurylochus a hypocrite because I am sick and tired of defending this poor hungry man.
Eurylochus is not the easy villain or the perfect saint. He is the walking contradiction of the Odyssey and EPIC, and anyone who just calls him a hypocrite without understanding the nuances of his motivations really isn’t paying attention to the full picture. Let’s start with the infamous wind bag fiasco, which happens early enough for Eurylochus to show us his conflict. Yes, he doubts Odysseus’ judgment when it comes to the Wind God’s island, warning him about the risks. And let’s be real, Eurylochus is absolutely right. If you look at the situation, Odysseus is acting impulsively, relying on his wits and bravado, thinking he can control the outcome with the power of his charm. But this? It’s a god’s realm. The gods don’t work on your timetable. At this point, what does Odysseus’ confidence even mean? Eurylochus sees it as reckless, and I agree. Yes, Eurylochus is a bit wary of everything at this point (which might be annoying if you’re Odysseus), but it’s a valid concern. And Odysseus’ reply? It's a bit patronizing. He doesn’t respect Eurylochus’ caution. Instead of listening to his crew member, his second-in-command, Odysseus tells him to stand down and demands blind loyalty. Of course, this sets the stage for Eurylochus’ next crucial transformation. He’s now seen Odysseus as someone who doesn’t care about the real risks or the crew. People LOVE to bring up that line where Eurylochus says he opened the wind bag. Okay, okay, he messed up. But here’s the thing: he knows he messed up, and he admits it. In front of everyone. He’s not hiding it. He’s not making excuses. He’s owning up to it. And people still want to call him a hypocrite? He wasn’t the one who set the trap for the entire crew by opening that wind bag. Odysseus gave some instructions, but he knew the crew was starving and desperate. And then, on top of that, you have the winions stirring the pot, telling everyone there’s treasure in the bag? What did he think would happen? The crew wasn’t exactly in the best headspace to be taking orders from a guy who was clearly not as present as he should have been. You can’t put all the blame on Eurylochus when Odysseus didn’t exactly set them up for success. Everyone was already in a fragile place after the war, and Odysseus should have known better than to leave room for temptation. He was the leader; he should’ve anticipated how bad the temptation would be. Eurylochus gets a little too much flak for something that wasn’t entirely his fault. There’s enough blame to go around for everyone, not just one guy. All of the crew wanted to open the bag, Eurylochus was just the one who did. He represents the voice of the crew. His biggest focus becomes apparent in the Circe Saga, specifically during Puppeteer, when Eurylochus is forced into a brutal choice on Circe’s island. After the men are turned into pigs, Eurylochus has to come to terms with his decision. He’s a pragmatist. He doesn’t trust the island, doesn’t want to gamble their lives on a witch’s promises. So, when Odysseus sends him and the crew to investigate, Eurylochus doesn’t just go along for the ride, he stays behind and urges Odysseus to get out of there. But let’s remember, this moment is a turning point for Eurylochus. He’s scared, yes, but also rational. He was the one who saw the situation from a distance and thought, “This is too risky.” He’s the realist who wants to cut his losses, but it’s important to notice that his fear is the fear of losing more men, not necessarily cowardice. Unlike Odysseus, who acts out of hope, Eurylochus is practical. His attitude here reflects the trauma they’ve been through and how tired he is of losing people. That’s why his frustration boils over later when Odysseus sacrifices men — because Eurylochus has seen enough death.
Now, let’s talk about Scylla. Because this is the moment where everything Eurylochus has learned comes crashing down on him. Remember that vow Odysseus made to him earlier: “There’s no length I wouldn’t go if it was you I had to save”? Well, that sentiment sticks with Eurylochus. He takes that to heart. So when Odysseus makes the decision to sacrifice six men to Scylla, you can see why he snaps. It’s not just that Odysseus is willing to sacrifice them — it’s that he does it without warning, without giving them the choice. Eurylochus feels like Odysseus has abandoned everything he taught him about loyalty. That vow he made? Yeah, it means nothing now. Eurylochus is furious because Odysseus fails him here. He’s been teaching Eurylochus the value of every single life, yet when the time comes to uphold that belief, Odysseus throws it out the window to save himself and his pride. So, of course Eurylochus is mad. And it’s not about the six men dying (because, let’s be real, he’s no saint), it’s about the betrayal. He’s been made to believe in the cause, but now he sees Odysseus as a hypocrite. It stings, and it’s totally justified. This leads us to Mutiny. Eurylochus is right to be mad at Odysseus for sacrificing six men just to save his own skin. Don’t even try to justify that. Odysseus put his own desire to get home ahead of the lives of his crew. Eurylochus did not agree to be cannon fodder for Odysseus’ personal agenda. He wasn’t going to sit back and watch his brothers die without questioning what the heck was going on. So, when Odysseus goes full “sacrifice six for the greater good,” you bet Eurylochus was angry. He wasn’t just upset because they were going to die; he was upset because Odysseus made the decision to send them to their deaths without even consulting them. Eurylochus’ reaction is human, it’s justifiable, and it’s completely rational. He’s not a traitor, he’s someone who realizes that Odysseus’ quest for glory comes at the expense of the people he supposedly cares about. Then we get to the cattle of Helios because apparently everyone’s learnt nothing. Eurylochus has already checked out emotionally. He’s looked at the situation, and for him, the reality of their fate is clear: they’re not going to make it home. They’re already dead in a way, and the gods are just playing with them. So when faced with the opportunity to eat the cows, he sees it as a way to take some control over a situation where they’ve lost all control. His logic isn’t about doing what’s morally right in the eyes of the gods. At least if they’re going to die, they can do it on their own terms — full stomachs, no slow starvation or suffering. It’s a very bleak and cynical perspective, but it’s also realistic. And in a way, it shows a form of wisdom that Odysseus doesn’t have in this moment. Odysseus, of course, refuses to let go of hope. His entire journey is a testament to his stubbornness and unwillingness to give up. That’s his defining trait, and it’s what keeps him going, but it also blinds him to the obvious signs of doom around him. He refuses to accept that the gods are no longer in his favor, that they’ve been punished for their mistakes, and that he’s already sealed their fate. For Odysseus, admitting that they’ve lost would be admitting defeat, and that’s something he can’t stomach. So, instead of facing the reality of the situation, he doubles down on his hope and pride. Eurylochus isn’t the naive one here. He’s not playing the hero’s game. He’s real. He’s already accepted that their journey is doomed, but he refuses to be passive in that fate. He wants to take charge of how they go out. He’s not waiting for divine intervention anymore because, honestly, it hasn’t worked out so well for them so far. He’s out of options and out of faith.
But here’s the darker, more tragic implication: Eurylochus’ perspective is the voice of the crew. His attitude — “We’re never gonna make it home; we’re already doomed” — isn’t just his own individual despair; it’s shared by everyone else around him. The crew is no longer fighting for survival; they’ve been through too much. They’ve seen too many of their comrades die for a cause that seems meaningless at this point (how do you think Perimedes would feel when Elpenor died). They’ve been stranded for so long, constantly at the mercy of the gods, with no real agency over their fates. They’ve lost hope. The entire crew is in a suicidal state of mind, and Eurylochus’ willingness to eat the cows is just the worst tangible sign of that collective despair. He’s the one who finally gives voice to it, like always, but it’s a sentiment that’s been building throughout their journey. He’s come to terms with it in a way that Odysseus has not. In that sense, his desire to eat the cows is almost a form of passive suicide — an attempt to bring some meaning, some control to an already doomed situation. His actions signal a profound loss of the will to live. This attitude is contagious. When Eurylochus speaks, he’s speaking for a crew that’s also checked out, a crew that’s surrendered to the inevitable. They don’t believe in their survival anymore. They’re not thinking about glory or heroism. They’re thinking about getting something out of their final moments, about finding some form of solace in the face of certain death. They no longer care about the gods or their promises. They just want to eat, even if it means defying the divine laws. This is a crew that’s collectively suicidal, mentally exhausted, and emotionally broken. And Eurylochus, in choosing to act, becomes both the catalyst for their final downfall and the embodiment of their emotional exhaustion and surrender.
He doesn’t trust Odysseus anymore. Odysseus promised to bring them home, but where are they? They’re stranded, they’ve lost men, brothers, friends, and the gods keep throwing obstacles in their path. When Odysseus becomes a king in his eyes and no longer a brother, it’s clear: Eurylochus starts thinking about himself, and that definitely doesn’t make him a hypocrite. It makes him human. It makes him someone who’s had enough. So, when the storm hits, and Eurylochus says, “We’re going to die anyway,” it’s not just a defeatist attitude — it’s the voice of someone who’s been burned by his faith in Odysseus too many times. He finally does what Odysseus would have done if he weren’t so obsessed with getting home — he does what’s necessary for survival. It’s harsh, but it’s consistent with his struggle all along. Eurylochus isn’t a hypocrite because he speaks out against Odysseus — he’s just a man who wants to believe in loyalty, but realizes that Odysseus has never really been loyal to anyone but his wife, never his men. It’s a brutal realization, and it’s only when he lashes out in Mutiny that we see the full extent of his disillusionment.
So, before anyone calls Eurylochus a hypocrite, let’s remember that he was the one who had to deal with the consequences of Odysseus’ stubbornness and false promises. He wanted to be the loyal friend, the one who stuck by his leader. But Odysseus made it impossible. Now, he’s just a man broken by the very loyalty he once held dear.
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જ⁀ SAY IT TO MY FACE
“It was rare for Yuji Itadori to keep things from you. He didn’t like keeping secrets, it made something tight bud in his chest and made him feel guilty every time he looked at you. He only ever kept one secret, not only from you, but from the world.”
Now playing :: Rises The Moon — Liana Flores
Yuji Itadori x F!Reader
Words — 5.7k
Contents — 4+1 fic, violence, kidnapping, distress, mentions of death/loss, I can’t write fights for shit, no actual angst this time because I feel bad for hurting people again and again oops, but maybe angst if you squint?, I don’t proofread, lmk if I missed any <3
In a mess of crushing expectations and unfamiliar fluttering in your chest, you somehow cross paths with Tokyo’s one and only Spiderman. Maybe the eerie similarity he has to your best friend isn’t a coincidence at all, nor is the odd care he has for you. OR Four times Spiderman loved you, one time Yuji did it himself.
a/n — hi sofia yes this is for you teehee @rreveurdoll . I actually love spiderman yuji so much he’s been sitting in my notes app since august he just suits it saurrrrrrrr well I can’t do this it’s so uhghhughf. Also iera agreed with me so it was my final push hai ily
There was always a certain sort of familiarity about spiderman, a tranquil warmth that reminded you of something you could never quite put your finger on. It radiated from him like aura, constantly flowing but never really explaining itself. It was apparent in the way he held you—arm under your knees and another around your shoulders, almost as if he knew you were ticklish in the sides, like he knew you better than you knew yourself. The way he talked to you like he’d done it a million times before, his eyes lingering on the curve of your lips for just a beat too long, it was just so… knowing. Every time he interacted with you, it felt like he knew something you didn’t. That was because, well, he did.
It was rare for Yuji Itadori to keep things from you. He didn’t like keeping secrets, it made something wretched bud in his chest and made him feel guilty every time he looked at you. He only ever kept one secret, not only from you, but from the world. The hundreds, maybe thousands of people that might kill him if given the chance. And if you knew, maybe they’d get to you too. He couldn’t have that. It already haunted his every waking moment and it hadn’t even happened yet. Yet. That was the thing, it could happen at any moment. If he was the cause of your demise, he couldn’t forgive himself. So he tried his best, tried to keep his lips sealed the best he could, even if he struggled sometimes.
The first time you met spiderman, he almost screwed up. Already.
You’d somehow gotten caught up in the midst of a battle, the bakery you worked at getting completely annihilated by the commotion, so being the ever brave and courageous citizen you were, you ran for your fucking life. You somehow found it in you to remain at least relatively calm… until barely dodging a chunk of concrete thrown your way. The composure seemed to fade from there. You could feel your heart jumping out of your chest, but all you could think about was that you were lucky it was still beating.
That’s when he came swinging in. Literally. It was a flash of red out of the corner of your eye at first, you barely even paid any mind to it. But then his voice rang out with a call to you, and you couldn’t look the other way anymore.
“Hey! Y- miss!”
You took a moment to glance back, your loss of breath catching up to you as you panted and heaved. His feet hitting the ground was nothing but a small thump, swallowed up by the chaos bleeding in around you. “You can’t be out in the open like this. It’s dangerous.”
You couldn’t see his face, but you could basically hear the furrow of his brows. Through your pants, you managed gasp out a reply that you fear was just a bit too sassy. “I know. That’s why I’m running.”
His face fell just the slightest bit under the mask, but beneath that layer of latex was almost a smile. He found it hard to be amused right now, because honestly, when he saw you he felt like throwing up. Even before that, when he’d looked at the destroyed shell of what was your workplace, something sick twisted in his gut. It wasn’t fear, no, more than that. After every punch at the enemy came a glance among the crowd, desperately hoping to see you in one piece. When he landed in front of you and the first thing you’d said was dry and sassy and completely you, he couldn’t help the way his nerves felt just a little less racked. He wanted to hug you, to pull you into his arms and tell you how happy he was to see you, maybe get a kiss if he was lucky– huh?
But he wasn’t Yuji, and only Yuji had that sort of privilege. He was spiderman. He was a masked vigilante that you’d never been face to face with, so he tried to keep up the act. Therefore all he did was reply with a soft “yeah” before scooping you up and carrying you to safety, because that’s what spiderman does. He would’ve done it for anyone, really! But he handled you with just a bit more care, just a bit more warmth in those blank white eyes of his suit, because you weren’t just anyone. You were you.
He left you on the side of an untouched street feeling breathless and confused. Maybe you were naive, because his voice alone should’ve told you exactly who it was from the beginning. But there was a ringing in your ears from the noise, and your knees felt wobbly as well as your lips. You could barely think straight, so who could blame you? Mentally unmasking Tokyos famous spiderman wasn’t a common task in any situation, especially yours. Assuming it was your best friend felt crazy. Instead you remained oblivious and shaken on the side of the street, and he remained determined in the fight thinking of nothing but you.
— ⋮ ᰔ
The second time you met spiderman, the circumstances still weren’t great, but this time your life wasn’t on the line. Well, at least not literally.
The nights air was cold, nipping at your tear stained cheeks and clinging to the dampness left in its wake. Your eyes stung, both from the chill and the bitterness that welled up in your waterline and spilled over, only to drip down and fade away into the fabric of your jeans. Completely insignificant, but to you, they fell heavy. They beat down on you in a mocking rhythm, every droplet a reminder of the crushing weight of your failure. It was suffocating, but truly, would the lightness be any better? Would the complete lack of fulfillment, whether that be bliss or anguish, be less unbearable than the ache in your shoulders and the squeezing in your chest? You think that if it were, you wouldn’t still be sticking around. You wouldn’t be doing this. You just would’ve liked to feel less alone in the midst of it.
Your legs dangled freely over the stairs, the rusted metal of the fire escape not doing much to cage you in. As you swung them, felt nothing but air and the awareness of the ground so distant below, you got a taste of the lightness. A taste of your freedom, of your insignificance. Maybe that was all you needed to handle the rest of the weight.
As if your longing had been personally alerted to the universe, you heard a shuffling behind you. Your head whipped around just a little too fast—making something in your neck pop and reminding you that you really need to stop hunching over your laptop—enough to make your panic rather obvious. You were about to wonder how someone even made it up here, but then you saw him. The culprit stopped in his tracks, raising his two covered hands in an (unnecessary) surrender. It wasn’t like you could defend yourself if you tried, anyway. You were sat awkwardly on a set of rusted metal stairs with about two feet of space to run. You were no match for him. Fortunately for you, Yuj- spiderman wouldn’t dare hurt you. When you continued to stare at him through your teary eyes with a question he couldn’t answer, he realized he hadn’t come up with something to say. Luckily, you beat him to it.
“…spiderman?” Your voice was confused, small and almost weak as you tried to swallow the lump in your throat. He stared at you for a moment, only then remembering who he was. Right now he was spiderman, a stranger, and he had to act accordingly. The thing was—Yuji didn’t know how to act like a stranger to you. You’d become such a constant in each others lives that treating you as if you were unfamiliar simply defied the blood in his veins, the beating of his heart. He felt it thump angrily in his chest at the mere thought, because how could he feign distance when you were the one it beat for?
He cleared his throat. “Hi.”
A million questions ran through your head, countless quips or remarks, but your throat constricted around them and forbid them from jumping out. “Why are you… here?” you asked. Your voice was uncharacteristically bland, tired. He didn’t like it.
He shrugged, head tilting to the side. He leaned against the building, an attempt to be casual, but the brick was digging into his back and every sense he had was screaming at him to leap forward and hold you, to take the mask off and be who you needed. But when he considered the thought, the images of what might follow flashed through his mind like memories yet to come. He kept the mask on.
“Well, I was out… you know… doing spiderman things. And then I saw you. Looked like you could use a friend.”
Honestly? Yuji being out here was no sort of coincidence. The moment he’d felt a familiar tingling in the back of his mind, he was landing here before he could question why. In his soul, he knew why, knew it better than anyone. If Yuji couldn’t be there for you because he was spiderman, spiderman would have to fill in.
He paused, eyes trailing over the sag in your shoulders and the darkness under your eyes. You looked different than the last time he’d seen you—had it been weeks? A pang of something glum shot through him at the realization.
“What about you?” he asked, that teasing, spiderman-esque tone fading into something softer.
“Huh?”
“What’re you doing out here?”
You swallowed thickly. You felt as if you were stuck on a tightrope, looking between a reaching hand and the ground below. Let him slip his hand into yours, hoping it pulls you up, or fall? You were willing to take that risk. “Just… been fucking up a lot lately, I guess. This is my escape.”
He paused for a second. “Was that a pun?”
He felt victorious as he took in the subtle curl of your lips. “But forreal, what do you mean screwing up?”
A soft sigh left your lips, the air pooling in what looked like smoke around your face. You liked that—you could tell yourself that was the reason for your blurry vision, not that you were crying. Your fingers were twitching, and he wished he could take them.
“Just… nothing has been going right. Got my ass kicked by finals, I feel like shit, and- and usually I’d have my best friend, but…” you felt a painful throbbing in your chest, what you were about to admit feeling sour and wrong on your tongue. “He hasn’t been answering lately, he’s been… distant. Maybe he’s getting sick of me or something, I wish I knew.”
Yuji felt a tightening in his chest that was almost painful. Him. It was him. His spider sense had called him to fix a problem that he was the cause of. Sick of you? No, he could never be sick of you, but right now he felt ill. “He’d never,” he blurted without thinking, only realizing how odd that sounded once it had already reached your ears. “I mean– I’m sure he loves you.” His eyes widened comically. He kept blabbering, and it was only making things worse. “You seem lovely. Uh-“
To his surprise, you laughed. “Okay, okay, I get the point. Thanks… I think?”
He felt the heat that was crawling up his neck lower, simmer into a comfortable nothingness. “You’re welcome.”
By some strange coincidence, Yuji showed up at your door what must’ve been a mere three hours after your masked friend swung away into the night.
He seemed out of breath—almost panting, as if he’d just run a marathon (or fought the green goblin). He stood in your doorway, pink locks of hair rubbed in all different directions, chest rising and falling erratically.
Before you could open your mouth—ask what he was doing here and what sort of physical activity he was doing in the middle of the night, maybe—he was hugging you. His firm arms slithered around your waist, tugging you towards his chest without a word. He held you just a little tighter than usual, like he’d been waiting to do it for far too long. He had been.
“I haven’t seen you in two weeks,” he murmured, breath warm against your skin.
“I know.” Your words held a sense of bitterness, but you were hugging him back with a tenderness that contrasted what you wanted to feel.
“I missed you.”
How could he say something like that? How could he disappear for weeks and then come back and make your heart clench, because you know he means it? This was Yuji. Your Yuji. He talked to stray cats on the side of the road and was always there to lend a helping hand, whether that be to a sweet old lady or a convicted felon. He wouldn’t say he missed you if he didn’t, and either way, you knew he did. Whether it felt like it or not, you knew Yuji. You knew he missed you, felt it in the way his fingers gripped at the fabric of your shirt. It was almost desperate, like he was a shell of a man in need of fulfillment. As much as you wished you hated it, you wanted to be that for him.
That’s how you ended curled in bed, Yuji’s eyes trailing over your face for just a little too long, so much so that you weren’t sure he’d paid any attention to the movie in the first place. You didn’t say anything, but Yuji kept you just a little bit closer that night.
— ⋮ ᰔ
The third time you crossed paths with spiderman, it was you who sought him out. Well, sought is a strong word, you’d prefer to say that you gravitated towards him naturally. That wasn’t completely a lie, there truly was some sort of magnetic pull to him drawing you near, but your approach was completely by choice. But that wasn’t a conversation you were ready for, many layers of psychological complexities that you weren’t prepared to peel back, so you instead focused on the blurry red feet dangling from the rooftop and how you’d get up there to join them.
After a number of laps around the building that you’d need two hands to count, you hit the jackpot. Sitting humbly within the shadows of the dark, grey alley was a ladder. It was rickety and rusted and you feared it would be the last thing you ever saw—but it was a chance. Everyone took chances, didn’t they? Everything was a chance, in its own way. Love, hate, that answer scribbled into the last page of your exam that you’re not quite sure about. Spiderman took a chance every time he rounded a new building with those webs of his, took an even greater one with every fight and interaction with the public. He took a chance when he came to see you on that sullen night, and you still didn’t know why, but you knew you’d make it your mission to at least somewhat return the favour.
The metal was piercingly cold as your fingers wrapped around it, eliciting a wince from you, but only prompting you to hold on tighter. The sound of your boots clanking against the steps, the small grunt that left your lips as you threw yourself onto the roof—so many sounds barely heard beneath the never ending roar of the city. You heard sirens in the distance, and you wondered why spiderman was sitting in front of you instead of trailing near them.
His eyes met yours (sort of), and Yuji felt something warm flow through his veins. He felt his heart beat just a little quicker, thumping in time with your approaching footsteps. Suddenly the sirens didn’t seem so loud, the curse of his heightened senses not feeling so overwhelming as your face came into the light cast from below.
“Hey, y/n.” He spoke gently, like the words were something delicate, and they’d shatter if said too harshly.
He watched the way your eyes widened just slightly, brows twitching upwards in mild surprise. “You know my name?”
With a slightly wonky smile that you couldn’t see, he nodded. “Small world.”
“Isn’t it?”
Your words were meant to be a light response, but they only made the weight in his chest feel all the more dense. He turned back ahead, the cartoonish white eyes of his mask reflecting an infinite, erratic pattern of streetlights. His shoulders hung a little lower than usual, something you didn’t fail to catch. You sat beside him, legs hanging over the side of the building. The structure was sturdy and solid beneath your thighs, far more than both the barely-there balance of the ladder and his trembling breaths.
“It’s not, though,” he said softly, so quiet that it was almost whisked away by the winds of the evening. “The world is big. Too big.”
You tilted your head, hands pressing into the concrete to support your weight, but itching to reach out to him. You couldn’t give a reason why if asked, nothing other than the unspoken tranquility between you, like you knew much more than you spoke aloud. “What do you mean?” you asked.
“It’s too big. There’s too many people, so many that I can’t… I can’t save everyone. There’s always casualty in the wake of disaster, because the amount of people barely goes down each time. But- but they’re all people, they all deserve to be saved, but… they can’t.”
His words hung in the air, and invisible force between you that pushed down on his shoulders and deepened the furrow in his brows.
“You’re right,” you said. His head turned more quickly than it should’ve—he wasn’t expecting that response from you. Maybe you’d have given Yuji a different answer than you would spiderman. “Not everybody can be saved, but you still save people. A lot of them. Imagine if you never showed up, how many more people would die? A lot. Maybe you can’t save everyone, but you still save people, and that is what makes you good.”
It was as if your words were a sirens song, soothing him to silence and easing his thumping heart. For the first time ever, Yuji wasn’t exactly sure what to say. “Yeah,” he breathed after a moment, voice choked. “Yeah, you’re right.”
He looked up at you for a beat longer, taking in the way the ridges of your face were cast over by shadows, the way your hair fluttered and danced with every gust of wind. “Thank you.” He cleared his throat. “That friend you mentioned before… he’s lucky to have you.”
You shook your head gently. “If you met him, you’d think otherwise,” you said, oblivious to the fact that though spiderman hadn’t technically met Yuji Itadori, he knew him very well. “He’s great. Much better than me.” The corners of your lips quirked up fondly, something he could only describe as love being the force that pushed your smile wider. “He’s great,” you said, more breathily this time.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
The next hour or so was spent sharing mindless conversation, reminiscing over teenagehood in a way that made spiderman feel so close, but so far. He couldn’t rid himself of that odd feeling beneath his ribcage, the one that felt like his heart was trying to escape, wailing your name and clawing at him from the inside out. Luckily, the spider-suit did enough to keep it contained.
— ⋮ ᰔ
The atmosphere was tumultuous, the sound of the concrete around them crumbling accompanied by an occasional hiss of web shooting from Yuji’s suit. He moved with a choppy sort of grace, bouncing across alleys and buildings alike.
“I’m sure you could do better than that,” he teased, faux cockiness thick in his tone. A tense, tightly strung determination bled through his tone, too intense to be concealed by thickly coated boyish charm. He lingered on the wall of one building just for the sake of mocking his foe, head tilted to the side almost as if he was genuinely interested.
He quickly flung himself away, just barely missing the swinging, mechanical arm aimed at him.
“Ah ah, keep up!” he quipped, though his voice rose with a small yelp as he finished his sentence. It was clear his opponent only got further angered with every tease, wails of rage growing louder with every swing. Spiderman smiled bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Hah… guess I shouldn’t get too cocky…”
His opponent was some big guy, clad in countless layers of precocious technology that reflected the suns light like a mirror. What he assumed was his chest beneath all that metal was heaving, pants leaving his mouth. Suppose tech can’t compete with physical stamina, at least not in this scenario.
“You’ll regret this, spiderman!” he roared, voice scratchy, like he hadn’t used it in ages. “Surrender now, or I’ll have to do something I don’t want to. Don’t– don’t make it difficult.” His words got darker with every proceeding syllable, almost enough to make Yuji nervous. He was used to these threats, and they were empty more often than not.
“Yeahhh…” he drawled, unconvinced. But there was something in him that twisted his gut—not his spider-sense, but something… different. Something in his heart told him to worry.
Shaking his head, he made another advance in the direction of the enemy. He hadn’t bothered to remember his name, he’d never been a problem until now.
Swerving his hit, the big man continued. “I’ve been studying you, spiderman-“ he cut himself off with a groan, his incessant speech resulting in an impact meeting his side.
He grinned, malicious and knowing. As if he knew this was a game of cat and mouse, and he had him trapped like a rat. Something about it made Yuji hesitate, made that unfamiliar feeling in his heart throb. Yuji opened his mouth to retort, to at least attempt some sort of return that suited his sarcastic, spiderman fashion, but he was cut off.
“Or rather, I’ve been studying Yuji Itadori.”
He felt himself go immobile, felt his body freeze like an icicle in the midst of winter. His blood felt equally as cold, as if one move would make him shatter. People studied spiderman all of the time. There were news articles and personal reports and attempts at interviews—everyone knew everything about spiderman, except for his identity. At least, they did.
In that split second, Yuji had a terrible epiphany. With Yuji Itadori came Y/n L/n, always. A plethora of your shared moments flashed through his mind. Walking you to class, late night trips to the convenience store, all of the places around you that there’d been someone lurking. Someone just waiting for the right moment, gauging his behaviour and every aspect of his life, no doubt including the way he looked at you. Yuji might’ve seemed dense, but he was perfectly aware of how clear his love for you was. He loved everything, he loved the way the sun casted over the city and the way people lit up when he smiled at them on the street. He loved you most.
The figure looming over him smiled sickly, Yuji’s reaction telling him all he needed to know. As he began circling Yuji like a predator ready to pounce, he couldn’t stop him. All he could do was feel the pounding of his heart in his chest and wondering if yours was still able to do the same.
“So I was thinking…” the man began, trailing off for the sake of suspense no doubt. “What’s a better power to have over someone than love?”
The sinister words swirled in his ears like an echo. His mouth felt dry, the rest of the world fading to TV static as he tried to glance around for any sign of you, but his gaze was far too frantic to make out the shape of the person in front of him let alone you.
With a devilish snigger, you were revealed. Simply based off of the widened state of your eyes and the way you writhed in the rope you were restricted by, it was fairly clear this was news to you. Had your mouth not been taped, he was sure you’d have plenty to say. As his eyes locked with yours, the world slowed to a halt around you. Your gazes spoke louder than any words, louder than any scream into the dead of night. It spoke of love and fear all the same.
“Stop,” was all he could croak out. “Stop!” he shouted, louder this time as his gaze turned.
“Mm.. so I was correct, then?” said the near cyborg beast beside you.
Yuji’s gaze flickered to you, just for a split second. He contemplated lying, but he just… couldn’t. The words felt bitter and out of place on his tongue, even before they were spoken. So he chose bravery, in every sense of the word, and kept with his offence.
“Maybe, that’s none of your business,” he grunted, words emphasized with a hit to the man’s gnarly face. Yuji had a new sense of determination, the animalistic instinct to protect you. He’d already lost so many, lost his parents and his brother and the sense of humanity he grasped on to like the thread he hung by. He wouldn’t lose you.
All you could do was watch. You could only sit there like the helpless bystander you loathed to be, staring in horror as who might’ve been the love of your life was pummelled into the ground. It was like a twisted pattern of pain and the red of his blood darkening his suit. With every hit he landed he received tenfold, but somehow he always got back up. That was Yuji for you.
As the fight continued, you couldn’t help but begin to notice the obvious similarities between the vigilante and your own best friend. You felt utterly idiotic. Why else would he care so much, who else would you have shared those conversations with? Why else would Yuji look at you just a little different every time you met with spiderman? It all made sense. All of the “I’m sure your best friend is lucky to have you”’s and the explanations to Yuji’s actions that seemed just a bit too personal. Now you knew why, and you couldn’t even respond to the information, imprisoned by the tape over your mouth and the weight of your obliviousness as the sound of fist against face rang through the streets.
A weak, muffled cry fell from your lips as he was knocked to the ground.
Everything was going in slow motion. The robotic arm raised, hovering over Yuji like a sledgehammer just waiting to pound down. But then there was a metallic whine, and a halt. Panic washed over the man’s face as he froze—well, the metal parts of him froze, and those were the only parts that amounted to much.
He sputter and panicked, watching as the countless officers surrounding the area became aware of his suspended movement. It was over, just like that? He seemed just as surprised as you were, and as your eyes met, you were shocked to feel anything in common with him.
When you were freed of the twine that had been keeping you in place, you wasted no time in rushing to Yuji. The red and blue of the lights surrounding you blanketed him, making him appear as nothing but a puddle in the street. He looked completely melted—limp, and for a moment you thought he might not live to hear what you had to say.
You pulled his mask up over his face, disregarding the people around you and their wandering eyes. His face was battered and bruised, but undeniably still his, still alive. You felt your shoulders deflate as his throat bobbed, the small, otherwise unimportant motion doing numbers to ease your nerves. He was still here. You could still learn to love spiderman as you did Yuji, you’d still get the chance to feel their hearts beat as one.
His eyes fluttered open, vision bleary from the flashing lights and his lack of consciousness. “Y/n?” he muttered, voice nearly inaudible. It was the first thought in his mind when he woke, even before the fuzzy outline of your face came into view. His eyes flickered brighter when they saw you. He knew that face anywhere. “Y/n,” he breathed, softer this time.
“Yuji-“
“I’m sorry for not telling you,” he mumbled quickly. His hands reached for yours, the shaky, bruised skin wrapping itself in yours. It stung, but the feeling of your fingers intertwined with his was enough to soothe the ache. He was convinced that if you were to kiss every injured part of him, his bones would straighten themselves out for the sole purpose of holding you, because broken arms can not cradle. Snapped fingers cannot run through your hair, so if he were broken, he would repair himself as long as it meant loving you. No amount of bloodshed would keep him away, he would return to you in the winds if he had to.
You chuckled lightly despite the distress of the moment. “For not telling me what? That you’re spiderman or that you’re in love with me?”
He grinned tiredly, canines peeking out brightly, white against the pink of his lips. “Both.”
— ⋮ ᰔ
The sound of knuckles against your window was dull and hollow, but not unexpected. It did little to startle you, barely bothering to look up from your textbook as you hunched over your desk.
“It’s open!” you called over your shoulder, followed by the creak of the glass sliding open. The sound of Yuji’s feet meeting the ground pulled you from your school immersed daze, office chair swivelling around to face him.
“You know, leaving your window open at night is dangerous,” he said, half joking. His mask was already pulled from his face, messy pink hair matted and messy on his head. He was making quick work to pull off the rest of his suit as he spoke, hopping around on one foot as he tried to pry it from his skin.
You responded with an underlaugh, “I’m on the fourth floor. Nobody except spiderman is sliding open my window at eleven at night on a Tuesday.”
“Well-“ he cut himself off by knocking into your bedframe. He glanced back to you, cheeks warming in the slightest as he tried to balance himself and remain authoritative. “Well, they might!” he exclaimed. His eyes narrowed, but you didn’t find any sense of irritation in them. Within his shining brown irises was concern, the lingering anxiety that came with the events not long before. Yuji had been on edge ever since, constantly glancing around corners and panicking when you were out of sight for even a moment. In the corners of his vision lingered the sight of you helpless, burned into his mind like a tattoo he never wanted.
He tossed the red article somewhere on your floor, disregarding it entirely. He stood above you, arms crossed and trying to look annoyed, but resulting in a different, much cuter pout. He was many things that he wouldn’t admit. Tired—very much so—from spending his day trying restlessly to save lives, scared, and craving the tenderness in your touch that he never received with the mask over his face. When you locked gazes, holding it felt particularly hard for him tonight, because he knew you could see right through him. He felt bare, and not just because you were looking at his real face.
You sighed softly, standing up from the chair. You guess your studying could wait another night, because you knew Yuji couldn’t. Your chest throbbed with the thought of the danger he came face to face with constantly, the responsibility he carried on his back through every waking moment. The weight was heavy, and it was exhausting.
Placing a chaste, fleeting kiss on his cheek, you tugged him over to the bed. His hand was soft in yours, a contrast to the callouses and scrapes adorning the skin there.
“Come lie down,” you mumbled.
He glanced between you and the desk you previously occupied, brows knitting together. “Weren’t you busy?”
“I’m not anymore. Just come rest with me, please.” You shook your head, earnestly reflecting in your eyes.
He hesitated, opening his mouth to speak. “You don’t have to…” he began, but he stopped himself. He really, really did want to rest. He wanted to listen to your heart beat against your chest and have your breath fan over his skin, he wanted to curl into your embrace and be reminded that in this cruel world was a place of love. He knew that deep down, his heart resided with you, and he never felt it truly thump until he was in your arms. “…okay.”
So he crawled into bed with you, tired and almost clingy in his actions. His body slotted against yours like the missing piece of a puzzle, his arms slithering around your waist and face nuzzling into the crook of your neck like it was always meant to be there. He let his ear press against your shirt and hear the life beneath your skin, letting out a breath and physically melting into your arms. He looked so much more gentle like this. He wasn’t the sarcastic or silly figure the world knew spiderman to be, he was just a boy that wanted to help. He was just a kid like you who needed to know that there were things left to cherish.
Some would say you had two lovers. One a courageous figure in the night, the other a warm hearted, pink haired student barely making it into college. But you knew that spiderman was nothing but the parts of Yuji that had always lived within, and the bits that defined him most.
That night you traced every line and freckle on his face, committing it to memory because now there was no suit between you. You admired him as he slept, relishing in the tranquility of it all. It was just you and Yuji, flesh and love and transparency all in one.
From then onwards, Yuji fought his battles with just a bit more hope, because he knew you’d be waiting for him by the window when he won.
I MISSED writing for Yuji ugghhhhhhhhhh. If I wrote a part 2 of a strangers heart would yall fw that or nah (wouldn’t be for a while tho). I cannot write action at all im so sorry 😭 also cba to give big scary villain a name so it got repetitive
Jjk/gen taglist — @sh0ot1ngst4r @anotherwriternamedclara @ruruisru @lizbix @bubybubsters @azinniyaa @kashee-h @fiannee
— I did not tag those who could not be tagged. If you were on the general taglist and don’t see yourself, it’s because your tag settings stopped me from doing so.
#jjk#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen#itadori yuji#yuji itadori x reader#yuuji itadori x reader#itadori yuji x reader#yuji itadori#jjk yuji#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu yuji#yuji x you#yuji x reader#yuuji itadori x you#itadori yuuji#itadori x reader
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You are More than Your Scars:
Or Why Davrin and Bellara are our Elven Heroes in Veilguard
Davrin and Bellara represent the past, present, and future of the Dalish in Thedas. The way the writers used them as parallels of what being an elf means in this universe is endlessly fascinating to me as a long time Dragon Age fan.
Davrin we know has a complicated relationship with his clan and his past. As an adult who has been on his own, he recognizes what his clan was trying to teach him. As a kid he didn’t, and he went charging into the world with no regard for those lessons or his own safety. Clan life wasn’t for him, but he still carries the weight of all of that history with him. Uncle Eldrin did what he could. (Check out this write-up for a better look at Davrin's relationship with black fatherhood thanks to @master-of-the-elements) He could have gotten rich with his skillset and his need to challenge himself, but he chose the Wardens to find a sense of purpose in a world that doesn’t always give elves that choice.
He gets his hands bloody and makes the world a better place one monster at a time. Long before he meets Assan, he’s a protector first and a hunter second. He found his own way forward, one that combines the traditions of the Dalish with helping the people of Thedas now. All of the people of Thedas. As a Warden he also carries the weight of elven legends like Garahel. Elves have always lived and died to protect against the blight, and Davrin is no exception. Davrin is Thedas as it is now, where elf or warden or man can mean many different things, and it's how you define it the path going forward that matters.
Bellara also has a complicated relationship with her clan and with the past. We see this primarily through her brother Cyrian, but it's clear due to her neurodivergence she didn't necessarily fit in growing up and stands out even amongst Veil Jumpers. Losing her anchor in Cyrian, the person who knew her best, didn't help. People tend to dismiss Bellara because she talks too fast and thinks too fast and stumbles. But she's intensely passionate about her people's history and legacy and has devoted her life to the seeking of knowledge. She is exceptionally intelligent, she is kind, and she is ferocious in the defense of what she loves. She represents the side of the Dalish that have been seeking lost knowledge, but it's what she does with that that makes her so compelling. Learning not to shrink from that knowledge is crucial to her as a character.
Bellara, by careful design, has an existential crisis about the Evanuris and what they mean for the Dalish, who have already been through enough as a people. It's through Bellara we see what it means to learn about the horrors of your own history, and how to break away from it to make it better. That the many nuances and complications of the past don't need to define your relationship to your culture. You are more than the worst things that have been done to you and yours.
What both of these characters represent is not just an examination of generational trauma, but how to heal and move on from it. Davrin and Bellara, any way you slice it, are heroes. Everything from their arcs to their character design shows off what it means to be Dalish and I can't praise Veilguard enough for their inclusion.
#dragon age#veilguard#dragon age meta#davrin#davrin dragon age#bellara lutare#datv#veilguard spoilers
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that’s so true
word count - 8.3k
pairing - paige bueckers x azzi fudd
c/w - language, toxic p/toxic relationship (situationship) (kinda toxic a too)? i guess you could call it angst? but it’s very unserious bc i’ve been doing too much serious stuff. fluff and happy ending. very dialogue heavy
a/n - i don’t usually like to incorporate music into my fics but the anon who gave this prompt specifically recommended it so i hope i did it justice! also, this takes place azzi’s freshman year so like 2021/2022, and i know this song didn’t exist then but this is fiction so i can do what i want 😛. hope yall enjoy!!!
They only have five minutes before they’re supposed to leave with everybody else to Ted’s. Unfortunately for Azzi, Paige Bueckers is very hot and also very much on top of her, and both of these things coincide to create quite the predicament: they can’t stop kissing.
It’s normal for them, lately. Kissing is easier than talking, considering talking has gotten harder since they started—whatever this is. Or maybe restarted is a better word, considering they did this same thing in high school. But back then, the kissing was a little clumsier, often fast and desperate, whereas now they’re older, mature (yeah, right) and they take their time with these things, often just making out for hours before they move on to other things, relishing in not having to worry about either of their parents or siblings barging in on them like they used to.
There’s also another difference—back then, they were dating. Like, introducing each other as their girlfriends, going on dates, holding-hands-in-public dating.
That’s different because today—and for the past six months—they’ve been decidedly not dating.
“We don’t need distractions,” Paige had said after they’d fucked, only a month after Azzi came to UConn. (They had both agreed to stay just friends—best friends—but nothing more. But then they had to live in the same building and watch each other get all hot and sweaty at practice and see each other in skimpy pajamas and who were they to blame, really, when they fucked in that club bathroom one heated but sober night? They had spent a year broken up, a year of being long-distance besties, FaceTiming and texting and posting each other on socials with captions like “happy birthday i miss you” and “come see me”. It honestly would’ve been wrong for them to not fuck.)
“Mm—Paige, wait,” Azzi whispers when they finally separate for air.
“What’s up,” Paige says, eyes roving over every inch of Azzi’s face. Her voice is a little raspy from lack of use and it does things to Azzi’s tummy.
“I—you don’t—we need to go,” Azzi urges, pushing at Paige’s shoulders. Paige, of course, just smiles at that, pressing her knee up in between Azzi’s legs. It’s really not her fault when she gasps a little.
Paige chuckles, leaning down to kiss her forehead, then between her eyebrows. “Do we?” she mumbles, pecking the tip of Azzi’s nose and the corner of her mouth. “Like, do we really?”
“Yes, Paige, we do.” Azzi moves one of her hands down to Paige’s occupied thigh, trying desperately to separate the toned muscle from her aching core. “C’mon, it’ll be fun.”
“Definitely not as much fun as this is.”
“Well, we can continue later, when we get home.” That gets Paige to move her knee back, offering Azzi both relief and leaving an ache between her legs. She does her best to flash a sultry smile. “It’s a weekend. We can stay up all night if we want.”
Paige looks at her skeptically. “I thought you were stayin’ sober?”
Azzi moves her head back and forth. “Might not.”
“For real?”
“Uh-huh.” Azzi winds her arms around Paige’s shoulders, then scratches a little roughly down the length of her back, something Paige has always been into. It works, Paige’s jaw dropping just enough to show the pink of her tongue. “I want it, too, P. We just can’t ditch the team again. I think they already suspect us.”
“What?” Paige makes a face and scoffs. “Nah, we’re sneaky.”
“You called me babe in front of everyone at practice.”
“That’s a friend thing.” Paige waggles her eyebrows and plants a kiss on her lips, as if to prove just how friendly they are.
“Nika saw you basically groping me the other day, too.”
“I never did that.”
“My apartment, the kitchen. Movie night. I was making popcorn and you came up behind me and grabbed my tits.”
“Hm. Don’t remember that.”
“You said ‘I wanna fuck you from behind right now,’ and poor Nika walked in and stared at us and said, ‘This doesn’t look like you’re making popcorn’.”
Paige groans, dropping her head into Azzi’s shoulder and effectively laying the entire length of her body on Azzi’s. “I did wanna fuck you from behind. You were wearing those jeans…”
“Paige!”
“Okay, whatever.” Paige is a little muffled now, buried in the crook of Azzi’s neck. Her breath tingles, sending hot shivers up the length of her arm. “I do that to everyone, Nika won’t think anything of it.”
“Oh, really,” Azzi says, tone dropping into something utterly unamused, and Paige’s head pops up when she hears it. “So you say things like that to every bitch?”
Paige’s eyes widen. “No!” she grapples for something to say, and Azzi just raises an eyebrow at her. “I don’t—I meant—I just didn’t wanna admit you’re right, I wasn’t—baby.” Paige juts out her bottom lip. It kinda works. “You know I wasn’t thinkin’.”
This is another interesting thing about their current situation: because they’re not dating, they’ve never discussed where they stand in terms of other people. Sure, at the very beginning, they agreed since it was just casual sex, there was no reason for them to be exclusive. They didn’t want to get anywhere near that line of the all-consuming, intense relationship they had in high school, and they figured seeing other people—or at least having the option to do so—would steer them clear of that. And it worked for about…two seconds.
But then somewhere down the line things got a little blurry and slowly but surely Azzi stopped thinking of them as friends with benefits and as more of a slightly complicated but also fun situationship. Because at some point they started kissing without the goal of sex or even third base, just little pecks here and there when they had a second alone. And then they started staying a little longer each time after they’d fuck—at first, they’d leave directly after. But then they would stay for some basic aftercare, and then it got to full-on snuggling, and then it got to their clothes in each other’s apartments from how often they’d stay the night with each other. And the most recent development which really cemented things for Azzi: Paige has started using pet names outside the bedroom, something she only ever did while they were girlfriends. It’s only been a few weeks since this started and Azzi was absolutely floored when Paige had picked up her phone call with a, “Hey, baby.”
And now here they are, late for yet another night out because Paige is very clearly scandalized at the mere notion of her seeing another girl—even though it’s supposed to be allowed—and Azzi has to be honest, she doesn’t love the idea, either.
“Aw, c’mon,” Paige says when Azzi doesn’t reply. “Don’t be mad at me, mama.”
Azzi blinks up at her, officially not jealous and not overthinking about their complicated situation any longer. “You’re stupid,” she teases, scooting back and sitting up.
Paige follows closely, so that by the time Azzi is propped up against the headboard she’s on her lap. “You’re really stopping us?” she asks.
“We’re already late, I’m sure everybody left without us,” Azzi says, tapping Paige encouragingly on the hip, “so yes.”
Paige doesn’t yet move and doesn’t look like she’s going to until a sharp knock at the door makes both of them jolt. “Hey!” It’s Aaliyah’s voice. “Y’all cannot be taking this long to get ready.”
“I don’t…we just…” Azzi stammers as Paige scrambles off her, and they both get quickly to their feet, making as little noise as possible, “our hair wasn’t cooperating,” she says, reaching up to fix Paige’s tousled hair. “We’ll be right out!”
“You better be, we’re all waiting outside and it’s fucking cold.”
“Coming!” Azzi calls, letting Paige wipe some of her smudged lip gloss, rolling her eyes when Paige smirks at her and says, “Oh, you will be.”
She has no idea what Paige Bueckers is to her, but an annoyance will always take the top spot.
————————————————
When Azzi had claimed she’d stay sober with the other freshmen, she hadn’t accounted for the fact that she has a best friend who loves to party and who loves peer pressuring even more.
“C’mon, just a few shots,” Paige pouts, leaning in too close to her. Azzi glances around the bar, trying to see if anybody is watching them, but she can’t tell. There’s too many people.
“Nobody can hear us,” Paige assures her, placing her hands low on Azzi’s hips, pressing her into the wall of the corner they’re semi-hidden in.
Azzi swears this girl is horrible for her blood pressure. “Paige,” she hisses, removing Paige’s hands, “not here.”
“You shoulda let us stay home,” Paige says, and now that her hands are placed firmly at her sides her eyes do all the wandering for them, raking slowly down Azzi’s body and back up. “I woulda had you fucked out by now, I swear.”
“Oh, I believe you,” Azzi mumbles.
“You seem anxious, baby.” Bravely, Paige holds her again, though this time it’s at a more friendly place, higher up on her waist. Azzi tries to meet her eyes but they’re held firmly on her lips. “Fuck. I wanna kiss you so bad.”
“No, Paige,” Azzi says, as sternly as possible. She would rather like to kiss her too, but not here, not now, not when Paige is tipsy and Azzi is horrendously sober.
“Okay, I’ma go get me another dirty shirley.” Azzi swears she would marry that drink if she could. “And I’ma grab a couple shots for you while I’m at it. And then we’re gonna fuck in the bathroom.”
Azzi smacks Paige on the arm. “I’m done with public restrooms. Once was enough.”
Paige, still sober enough to have some sort of common sense, wrinkles her nose. “Yeah, you’re right. But I’m still grabbing shots.” She smacks a wet kiss onto her forehead and with that, turns around to head toward the bar.
Azzi doesn’t get a second of peace before someone else is sidling up to her. Though when she looks over she sighs with relief when it’s just Caroline. “Hey, Carol.”
“You’re so lucky you have a girlfriend who’ll buy you shots,” Caroline says, looking wistfully in Paige’s direction.
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
Caroline side-eyes her. “Uh-huh.”
“She’s not. We broke up.”
“And then got back together.”
Azzi shoves her away before pulling her back, linking their arms together as she leads them towards their team’s section of seats. “Nope. We’re still exes.”
“Exes who are romantically involved.”
“Carol,” Azzi groans, urging her to shut up as they approach the rest of the girls. “We’re just friends.”
It used to leave a bitter taste in her mouth, lying to her closest friend, the one whose shoulder she cried on when she and Paige broke up. But after six months of doing it, she’s used to it. And it’s not like Caroline believes her, anyway.
“Okay,” Caroline says skeptically. “So if the guy that’s been looking at you since we got here asked for your number, you’d give it to him?”
They’re at the team’s booth now, and Amari perks up at the mention of the slightest possibility of drama. “What guy?”
“I haven’t noticed a guy,” Azzi says, which is the truth. As it usually goes, she’s only had eyes for Paige tonight.
“Over there,” Carol says, leaning against the table and gesturing subtly across the bar. “Muscle shirt.”
“Immediately no,” Azzi replies, not even looking for him in the group of guys across the room. But he must be actively searching her out because just as she’s about to look away she catches his eye, and even though she immediately looks away, she can still see him grin out of the corner of her eye.
“Uh-oh,” Amari mutters. “You engaged him.”
“Don’t make eye contact,” Azzi says, turning away from him to face her friends. “Make yourself unapproachable.”
Caroline turns away, too, and the two of them lean over the table.
Aaliyah looks up from the conversation she was having. “What’re you guys doing?”
“Hiding,” Azzi hisses.
Amari peeks around Azzi’s shoulder, then settles back in her seat. “He’s coming over.”
“What?” Azzi wants to look at him but doesn’t, instead inching herself closer to Caroline. “Save me.”
“Who is that?” Aaliyah asks, not-so-subtly staring at the guy.
“A man about to flirt with Azzi,” Caroline says, nudging her away.
“Oh, Paige is gonna be maddd,” Aaliyah sing-songs, and they all giggle like this is funny and not absolutely awkward and stress-inducing.
Azzi glares at them. “She has no reason to be mad.” And it’s true, she kind of doesn’t, but that doesn’t mean she won’t.
“Oh, yeah?” Caroline asks, glancing behind them just as Azzi feels the man come up behind her. “We’ll see about that.”
And then there’s a tap on her shoulder, and Azzi takes a deep breath before turning around with a strained smile on her face.
“Hey.” Muscle shirt is standing a little too close for comfort, which she’s sure he’ll excuse by the crowded bar but is obviously just him being weird. “You’re Azzi, right?”
“Uh-huh,” Azzi says, leaning back against the table.
“I’ve seen you around,” he continues, smiling cockily, obviously very proud of himself for being brave enough to approach her. “You come here a lot, right? To Ted’s?”
Azzi shrugs, looking casually to her side in the hopes that Caroline will rescue her, but to her astonishment she has slid into the booth next to Aaliyah and is now chatting happily with the rest of the team. “I guess.”
“Noticed you weren’t with Bueckers,” he says, and she winces. Not five sentences into the conversation and he’s already brought up her current situationship. “Thought it was a good opening.” He laughs. She doesn’t.
“How so?” she asks, a little nervously.
“I mean, she obviously doesn’t want anybody coming near you.” A girl squeezes past behind him and he takes it as an excuse to inch even closer to her. Azzi presses herself further back into the table. “Can’t even look your way without her looking like she’s gonna fight someone.”
“She’s just protective,” Azzi says. As if Paige would do that for any of their friends, as if that level of pure possessiveness is normal.
“Right.” He doesn’t sound fully convinced. “You didn’t ask my name.”
God. Why are men so…gross? “My bad.” He stares at her expectantly. “Uh…so…?”
“I’m Elliot,” he says, grinning at her. That muscle shirt is really not doing good things for him. “You want me to buy you a drink?”
“Um, actually—“
“She’s good.”
Azzi’s shoulders sag at the mere sound of Paige’s voice. She can’t help but smile when Paige approaches them, moving roughly past Elliot to sidle up next to her. She hands her two brightly colored shots before slinging an arm around her, firmly ignoring Elliot. “Gotchu these. Lemme know if you don’t like ‘em.”
Azzi nods, and usually she’d shy away from the physical contact, especially right in front of their friends, but now she leans into it, safe under Paige’s arm. “Thanks.”
“Sorry I took so long.” As if sensing her discomfort—which she probably can—she rubs her thumb soothingly over her shoulder. “They’re super busy up there. You okay?”
Azzi opens her mouth to respond, but Elliot interrupts her. “She’s fine, dude. We’re just talking.”
Paige looks at him. “Aight. Well, you can be done talking now.”
Their teammates have gone mostly quiet behind them, and Azzi rolls her eyes when she hears them snickering.
Elliot scoffs, but he’s skinny and a little shorter than Paige, and when her arm tightens around Azzi’s shoulder he puts his hands up. “Damn, okay.”
Azzi breathes a sigh of relief when he’s gone. “Thank god. That was so awkward.”
“You shoulda called me,” Paige says, dropping her arm to turn around and face their teammates. “And y’all shoulda helped her out.”
The girls look up at them innocently. Amari smiles charmingly at Paige and says, “We knew you were gonna do it soon enough.”
Azzi shakes her head and downs one of the shots. It is as disgusting as it looks.
“You guys suck,” Paige says, pulling Azzi into her side once again. “Leaving my girl in the trenches like that.”
Dozens of eyebrows raise at that, and it’s then that Azzi smells the booze on Paige’s breath. She flushes, trying to pull away. “P,” she mutters.
“I know,” Paige says, holding fast to Azzi’s waist, setting her shirley on the table so she can wrap the other around her, too.
“Paige,” Azzi urges, pressed completely now into Paige’s chest and trying desperately to ignore the scrutinizing looks from her teammates. She hopes they’re all too drunk to think hard about Paige’s behavior.
“Yeah,” Paige says, her hand creeping slowly down Azzi’s back.
“Did you have another drink?” Azzi asks, trying to walk them away from the booth, but Paige keeps her feet planted.
“I might’ve had another shot.” Paige grins, and Azzi would easily admit she likes it a lot more than muscle shirt’s. “Missed you, baby.”
The girls are pretending not to eavesdrop, but they’re clearly listening, sharing furtive glances with each other. Which is just—great. Because tomorrow the girls are going to have questions and Paige will be sober enough for that to stress her out, which will in turn stress Azzi out, and there will be no saving face if she lets Paige continue on like this.
“Not now, Paige,” she hisses, trying desperately to push her back.
Paige pouts. Their faces are far too close together. “What, you wanna go back to that guy or sum’?”
Azzi knows she’s not serious, but it still annoys her, and she doesn’t feel quite as comforted in Paige’s arms anymore. “Seriously, I’m not in the mood.”
Paige scoffs, maybe a little more serious now. “Course you aren’t.”
Azzi blinks at her, and when Paige’s hands drop to her sides she takes a step back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I dunno.” Paige gestured between them. “Just that you never wanna be around me unless we’re fu—“
Azzi’s overstimulated and irritated, but she still has enough common sense to shove Paige hard enough to shut her up. “Don’t.”
Paige watches as Azzi drinks her other shot. “What? You really don’t want anybody to know, huh? You that embarrassed or something?”
Azzi shakes her head in disbelief, stepping back towards Paige so they can at least have this conversation too quiet for anybody to hear. “Are you dumb? You’re the one who wanted to keep this secret.”
“Because I didn’t want my teammates thinking I was distracted!”
“Our teammates, Paige.” Azzi gives her another little shove for good measure, and then she steps away again. “You’re acting stupid. Go chill out and come back when you wanna be normal.”
“Fine. I will.” With that, she turns on her heel and disappears into the crowd. Azzi rolls her eyes at her hot-headedness. They’re both too stubborn for their own good, but Paige is ten times worse when she’s drunk and Azzi has always been more logical. Little, senseless arguments like this never happened when they were dating—or even when they were broken up—but now that they’re at this weird in-between, they’re becoming more frequent.
Hence why they prefer to kiss instead of talk.
Azzi plops down beside Amari, grateful when nobody questions her, and feels a little better when she thinks about how good the make-up sex will be later.
—————————————
There will be no make-up sex tonight. Or ever, Azzi thinks bitterly, glaring daggers at the girl Paige is currently feeling up.
Okay, feeling up might be an overstatement. She has a hand on her arm. But Azzi knows better than anyone that for Paige, hand-on-arm action might as well be foreplay. And the girl seems to sense it, too, if her batting eyelashes and twinkling smile have anything to show for it.
“She’s just doing it to make you jealous.” Once again, it’s Caroline, sidling up next to Azzi to study the tall blonde across the bar.
“I have no reason to be jealous,” Azzi all but spits out, and Caroline smirks.
“Pretend all you want, Az. But it’s impossible to not see what’s going on with you and her.”
“There’s nothing.” Paige’s fingers trail down the length of the girl’s arm and it’s almost like Azzi can feel it, too.
“Are you guys exclusive?”
“No,” Azzi responds immediately, too tipsy to be thinking straight, and when Caroline smiles proudly to herself, she backtracks. “I mean, obviously not. We’re not anything.”
“Well, if you’re not exclusive, she’s not doing anything wrong.”
Azzi hates this bitter reminder and turns her anger onto her best friend. “Shut up, Carol.”
“You two should probably talk about not seeing other people,” Caroline says, as wise and perceptive as ever. (She is also significantly more sober than Azzi is.)
“She can see whoever she wants,” Azzi seethes, stirring the ice in her drink. “I don’t care.”
Paige’s eyes flit from the girl’s face to Azzi. And then, with a little smirk, she leans in to whisper something in her ear, blue eyes never leaving brown as the girl giggles and grabs onto her arm. She smiles, too, and Azzi takes some satisfaction in the fact the girl has no idea she’s not the one Paige is doing this for.
She’s always been good at putting up a show. And Azzi has always been her captive audience.
Not tonight, Azzi decides as she looks firmly away. It’s about time Paige learns to behave herself.
—————————————-
It’s been a long night of drinking and trying not to watch Paige attach herself to this random girl’s hip when Azzi is approached by none other than random girl herself.
She’s gorgeous up close, but Azzi can’t help but notice her brown curls and crescent dimples, the way they’re the exact same height. It nearly makes her laugh.
“Hey,” the girl says, dropping into the bar seat next to Azzi.
“Uh,” Azzi says, vey tipsy and very irate. “Hey.”
“What’s that? It looks so good,” the girl asks, pointing to her drink. Her voice is soft and kind, nothing malicious gleaming in her eyes. Azzi hates it.
“Just a mango daiquiri,” Azzi responds, kind of unable to be snarky about it with the wide-eyed way the girl is looking at her.
“Oh, fancy! I’m definitely gonna cop that.” She smiles conspiratorially at her. Azzi can’t help but smile back. Okay, now she just kind of hates herself. She’s never been one to be rude to girls she’s jealous of. Especially not harmless, sweet ones.
“It’s so good,” she’s saying before she can help it. “And they come in all different flavors so there’s like, endless possibilities.”
“Stop,” the girl gasps.
“I know!” and then they both giggle like the tipsy college students they are. This is possibly even better than hating her, because it’s almost like a smack in the face: look at me, Paige, being the bigger person. Making best friends with your target of the night. How’s that feel?
“Hey,” the girl giggles, leaning her elbows on the bar. “You’re Azzi, yeah? You play so good.”
“Thank you!” Azzi gushes, flashing her dimples as the girl does just the same. “What’s your name?”
“I’m Haven,” she replies. Even her name is nice. Azzi thinks about how Paige must’ve thought the same thing when they met a few hours ago, but she doesn’t like the thought, so she pushes it firmly away.
“Hey,” Haven says, sounding suddenly hesitant. “Um, I actually wanted to ask you something. About…Paige?”
Azzi’s eyes snap to where the blonde sits at the team’s booth—she always seems to know where Paige is in a room, though she never remembers tracking her movements—before she quickly looks back to Haven. “What about her?”
“Well…that,” she says.
“What?” Azzi asks, stirring her drink casually.
“The reaction you just had to me saying her name.”
Okay, so Azzi apparently does not appear as cool and collected as she thought. “Oh, that was just—I mean, she’s my best friend.”
“Yeah?” Haven asks. “Because I kinda got the impression y’all were…”
“No,” Azzi says, trying to contort her features into something like disgust. “Ew. Never.”
Haven raises her eyebrows. “Never?”
Why is everybody deciding to clock Paige and Azzi’s shit tonight? “Okay, like, maybe at one point. But it’s over.”
“Really.” She does not sound convinced at all. Glancing over at Paige, Haven leans forward, as if she’s afraid they’ll be heard. “It’s just, she keeps looking at you and you keep looking back and she was all over you earlier, so like—“
“I wouldn’t say she was all over me.”
“She totally was.” Haven’s looking at her like she’s clueless. “I just…listen, Paige invited me over tonight.” Azzi’s stomach drops. So definitely no make-up sex then. In fact, Azzi might as well pack up her vagina right now because Paige has ruined everybody else for her, too. “And I don’t wanna get in the middle of anything,” Haven continues, completely oblivious to Azzi’s internal vow of celibacy, “especially nothing messy.”
“Yeah, no, I totally get that.” Azzi sighs heavily; considering their situation is exactly what one might describe as messy, Azzi figures it’s probably the right thing to do to tell this poor girl the truth. “To be honest, we kinda are…I dunno. I mean, we fuck.”
“Okay,” Haven nods, sounding not at all surprised.
“She stays over most of the time. I stay at her’s sometimes, but she mostly stays at mine.”
“Spare toothbrushes in each other’s bathroom?”
Azzi winces. “Possibly.”
“Yeow.”
“And, like, generally, we don’t see other people. We used to, at the beginning, but not anymore. We were just talking about it today, actually. Well, not talking about it—we don’t talk about stuff. We’re not serious enough for Paige to wanna talk about stuff.” Azzi is rambling now, and Haven is hanging onto her every word, and Azzi thinks she loves making fast friends with other girls then realizes this is the exact thing that happens every time she gets drunk. Perhaps she crossed over that line awhile ago.
The two of them have their heads close together now, the rest of the bar completely shut out. “But anyway, she said something and I was like, what, you say that to all your bitches? You know, mostly joking but not.”
“Of course.”
“And she was all, no, baby, I would never ever have other bitches, don’t be mad,” Azzi says, deepening her tone in a stupid caricature of Paige’s voice.
Haven gasps. “That was today?”
“Like ten minutes before we came here.”
“And then she was all up on me tonight.” Haven glares in Paige’s direction. “Damn.”
“I know. But like, yeah, we’re not exclusive or anything so it’s fine. But it’s not, you know?”
“Oh, for sure. That’s fucked up,” Haven says haughtily. “So, wait, how long has this been going on for?”
“Uh…six months?” but no, that doesn’t feel right. “Well, I guess, like, four years? But six months.”
Haven blinks at her.
Azzi sighs. “We were super serious in high school.”
Haven nearly screams, slamming her hand on the bar. “She’s your ex?”
“Yes!” Azzi cries, and it feels so, so good for someone to understand her situation. “We were so in love and shit! And then things started feeling weird the summer before she came here—because, like, I’m a year younger than her so she was gonna be in college while I was still in high school and I—I could tell she didn’t wanna be tied down by her lame hometown girlfriend so I ended things.”
“Girl!” Haven yells.
“I had no other choiceeee,” Azzi groans. “She woulda broken up with me if I hadn’t broken up with her.”
“You’re crazy,” Haven says, shaking her head. “That girl is down bad.”
“Stop,” Azzi says, waving her off.
“She is, horrendously.” Haven gestures over to Paige. “As soon as you got to UConn she wanted to start something with you, right? And then y’all have a little tiff and she’s doing the most with another girl just to get your attention?”
“She asked you to go home with her,” Azzi points out. “That definitely wasn’t for my benefit.”
“Um, I’m sorry, have you not noticed how scary alike we look?” Haven asks, and Azzi flushes. “She was definitely gonna pretend I was you. Which I’m not down for, like, at all.”
“She’s such a dick,” Azzi says. Because she may have been in love with Paige Bueckers since high school, but yeah, she’s still kinda a dick.
“Totally,” Haven agrees. “But…
“Don’t tell me you’re about to defend her.”
“Listen!” Haven places her hands on Azzi’s shoulder. “I think her heart’s in the right place. She wants you. She’s just a little���misguided.”
Azzi shakes her head. “She was the one who said we couldn’t be serious. She said we couldn’t have ‘distractions’.”
“And you didn’t stop to think that maybe she was still insecure and hurt by the fact you broke up with her and was protecting herself from getting hurt again?”
Azzi blinks at this drunk, genius girl in front of her. “Whoa.”
“Yeah. You know what, I’m starting to think maybe you’re both a little stupid.”
Azzi shoves her. “Don’t get so cocky, you could be wrong!”
“I could,” Haven admits. “But where would that leave you? With an asshole ex-girlfriend who messes with your head for fun?”
Azzi thinks maybe, if they didn’t look so uncannily alike, she could kiss this girl. “I love you.”
“Girl, I love you more.” Haven pats her arm and leans back on her barstool. “Now take Auntie Haven’s advice and give her the silent treatment for a few days. She’ll realize her mistakes and come running back real quick.”
“What if I don’t wanna take her back?” Azzi says, already knowing it’s bullshit.
“You do. But you gotta make her work for it. And then you have to communicate with her.”
Azzi makes a face. “Didn’t I already tell you we don’t like talking?”
Haven rubs her temples. “There’s your main fucking problem, Azzi.”
It’s then that Haven’s eyes trail to something over her shoulder and before Azzi can ask there’s a large, warm, all-too-familiar ringed hand on her shoulder. “What’re you two talking about over here?”
Azzi looks first at the hand on her shoulder, then slowly up to Paige’s face. Paige raises her eyebrows, waiting for an answer, and then Azzi looks back at Haven, meeting her eyes.
And then they laugh.
“What?” Paige nearly demands.
Azzi brushes her hand off, still giggling. “Leave us alone, Paige.”
“I just didn’t know y’all knew each other,” Paige says, and Azzi delights at how confused she sounds. “Because you two seem pretty buddy-buddy over here.”
“Didn’t realize you were watching so closely,” Haven quips. Azzi giggles.
“Never said I was.” Paige moves from behind Azzi, going to stand beside them, studying them closely. “You two are drunk as hell.”
“So are you!” Haven and Azzi both say at the same time, and tears are forming at this point. Azzi holds on to Haven’s knee to keep herself from falling off her chair.
“Aight, yeah, I’m getting you an Uber,” Paige says to Haven, before touching Azzi’s arm, “And I’ma walk you home.”
“I can get my own Uber,” Haven says haughtily, but Paige already has her phone out.
Once again, Azzi bats Paige’s hand away. “I don’t wanna go home with you.”
Paige rolls her eyes, still navigating through her phone. “I figured, Az. But we live in the same building. Just lemme walk you.”
“You’re not sober enough to walk me.”
“I’ve been drinking water for the past hour, I’m pretty much good.” Paige shuts her phone off and looks at Haven. “You car’ll be here in fifteen.”
“Wish you were pretty much good a couple hours ago,” Azzi grumbles.
Paige’s expression becomes a little less nonchalant at that. “I know, mama, we can talk about it tomorrow.”
And that almost works. But then Haven sends her a warning glare and she straightens up. “No, thanks.”
Paige’s face scrunches up like it always done when she’s shocked, and Azzi hates that it’s still the cutest thing in the world. “Whatchu mean?”
“Exactly that,” Azzi says, standing from her barstool. Her butt is sore from sitting for so long. “And I’ll walk home with the rest of the team, thanks.”
Paige splutters. Haven gives her the middle finger.
—————————————
Later, when they are walking home—stumbling, more accurately—Azzi is leaning against Aubrey when she hears familiar footfalls coming up behind them and braces herself.
“Hey, Azzi,” Paige calls, catching her arm as she catches up. “Come walk with me.”
“I wanna walk with Aubrey,” Azzi says petulantly.
Aubrey looks awkwardly between the two of them.
“Bro, just—“ Paige stops, mindful of their audience. “Let’s just talk, okay?”
“No, thanks.”
“Azzi, c’mon.”
“I’m drunk and I’m cold and I’m mad at you. Leave me alone.”
Paige looks desperately to Aubrey for help. Aubrey just shrugs and says, “What’m I supposed to do? She said what she said.”
“Thank you,” Azzi huffs.
“Man, fuck this,” Paige says. Azzi feels very satisfied when Paige falls back, leaving her alone. But her arm also tingles where Paige had caught it.
Oh, yeah. This makeup sex had better be good for the trouble she’s going through.
—————————————
It isn’t until the next day that, during a car ride with Caroline, Azzi disovers it.
The two of them have always had similar music tastes, so when an unfamiliar song comes on over the speaker, she’s a little surprised. However, as she listens to the lyrics, she finds herself even more surprised at how much they resonate with her.
I could go and read your mind
Think about your dumb face all the time
Living in your glass house I’m outside
“Hey,” she says, “what song is this?”
“That’s So True,” Caroline answers, still staring ahead at the road. “By Gracie Abrams. Why?”
Looking into big blue eyes
Did it just to hurt me, make me cry
Smiling through it all, yeah, that’s my life
“Oh,” Azzi says casually, “no reason.”
——————————————
It becomes very apparent there is a reason when, over the next week, the song becomes everyone else’s problem.
So apparent, in fact, that the team actually starts to worry about her.
“What did you do to her?” Aaliyah asks as soon as Paige walks into the apartment.
“You broke her,” Amari says.
“That stupid song kept me up all night and it’s your fault,” Aubrey continues, pointing menacingly at Paige.
“I didn’t do nothing!” Paige says, backing away from her angry friends.
“You better fix it,” Amari says. “Like, now.”
“Fix what?”
Oddly, they all go quiet at this. Paige is about to ask what’s up with them when music begins blasting from somewhere in the dorm.
“That,” Aaliyah says.
Paige scrunches her nose. “Bad pop music?”
“It is not bad,” Caroline says defensively, joining them in the entryway. When she gets judgmental looks from the other girls, she sighs. “Okay, it wasn’t bad. But Azzi’s been listening to it nonstop for a week and it used to be my favorite song and now I’m sick of it.”
“We’re all sick of it,” Amari adds unhelpfully.
“I still don’t understand what this has to do with me,” Paige says, but of course she’s lying. From what she can make out the lyrics are about a break up, maybe, something to do with jealousy and anger. With the way Azzi’s been dodging her this week (calls sent straight to voicemail, texts left on read, not even a hint of eye contact when they see each other) she knows she fucked up at the party.
It’s not like them to fight—really, it’s not. They’ve gotten into more arguments this year than they have in their entire friendship. Obviously, there’s a correlation there, something major signaling that this whole friends-with-benefits thing doesn’t work for them. Or maybe it does. Maybe it’s the whole best-friends-who-dated-then-became-exes-then-friends-with-benefits thing that they can’t do.
But either way—fights? Like, actual fights that Paige can’t talk (or kiss) their way out of? Those are rare.
She didn’t think their argument at the bar was that big a deal. Didn’t even think her flirting with another girl would make Azzi mad. (She’d been hoping for jealousy because dysfunctional as they may be, the sex is really good and it’s even better when one of them is all riled up).
She has a sneaky feeling this all has to do with that girl at the bar. Haven. The cute one who looked a lot like Azzi and seemed super into Paige until she turned around and became best friends with none other than Azzi herself. She should’ve known that would happen. Azzi always makes friends when she gets drunk.
She just wishes this bout of silence (and celibacy) between them would end already.
“You can’t be serious,” Amari says.
Paige shrugs.
“We all know you two are fucking, Paige,” Caroline says quite bluntly.
And, okay, the sheer panic that Paige feels at this is maybe a little ridiculous.
She never wanted the team—anyone, really—to know she and Azzi were back together. Because, well, they weren’t, for one, and there’s no good way to tell your parents, “Hey, you know how I was super emo about how the love of my life broke up with me before college? Yeah, well, it’s been a year and I’m not totally over it but I fucked her in the bathroom at a club and we’re going steady—as in, fucking—now!”
But the main reason she didn’t want anybody to know is because she was—is—so afraid of having her heart broken again. And if she keeps this to herself, then she gets to act like she doesn’t care if history repeats itself. Gets to move on and not think about it and use other people as rebounds without anybody batting an eye.
But it’s been six months of them going from friends with benefits to best friends who also kiss and have sex to best friends who kiss and have sex exclusively with each other. She may have gotten a little too cocky, may have thought they were finding solid ground, and may have not put so much effort into hiding it.
But Azzi hasn’t spoken to her for a week and she doesn’t even remember what solid ground feels like anymore so yeah, the notion of her friends knowing about them when they may be on the brink of ending is a little scary.
“Okay,” Amari says tentatively when Paige stares blankly at them, “don’t freak. It’s not a big deal. We don’t care.”
“No, I—I know,” Paige stutters.
“Seriously, P, it’s cool,” Aubrey says, patting her shoulder. “Just, you know, go fix it.”
That song has played three consecutive times since this conversation started. They may be right. Paige might’ve broken her.
Might’ve broken them.
“And while you’re at it,” Caroline adds, giving her a little push in the direction of Azzi’s room, “make sure you guys are official so we don’t have to deal with this again.”
Paige tries to plant her feet to prevent her advance towards Azzi, but Aubrey rounds to her front and starts pulling at her arms while Amari pushes and then she’s directly in front of a door with a pink ‘welcome’ sign hanging off the front. As that song thuds accusingly through the door, Paige doesn’t feel very welcome.
“Okay, stop being a pussy,” Aaliyah pipes up from behind them, “and go in there. Please.”
“Make it stop,” Aubrey says. She almost sounds like she’s about to cry.
Paige stares at them, wondering if they’re really going to make her do this. But they all nod at her before disappearing down the hall so it’s just Paige in front of Azzi’s door and she could leave, could just go back home but she’d never hear the end of it from her teammates. (And she might end up hating herself if she does that, too.)
So, with a deep, steadying breath, Paige lifts her fist and knocks.
“Coming,” Azzi calls. Blessedly, the song turns off and there’s some rustling inside before the door creaks open.
Paige expects a lot of things when Azzi first sees her—anger, upset, a door slamming in her face.
What she doesn’t expect is the satisfied smile that flits across Azzi’s face before she carefully fixes her expression into something more somber.
“Uh, hey,” Paige says. “Can I—“
“Come in,” Azzi says gravely, opening the door all the way to let her through.
“Uh, aight.” Nervously, Paige walks past Azzi, a little afraid that is some sort of trap based off the strange way she’s acting. Once she’s inside and the door’s shut, she faces the younger girl, though doesn’t quite look her in the eye. “So, I just…you know, about the other night. At Ted’s.”
Azzi nods. “Go on.”
“Well, I know I started that lil argument and I feel bad.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I was just drunk and I wanted your attention so I acted stupid.”
Azzi crosses her arms impatiently. Paige wishes she had written this down and practiced beforehand or something.
“And with that other girl—“
“Her name’s Haven,” Azzi says sharply.
Paige blinks at her, surprised. “Yeah. Her. Well—“
“She’s actually really nice. We’ve been texting.”
Paige can’t help but scoff a little at that. “What, you gonna leave me for her or sum’?”
“We look related, so no,” Azzi says, raising an eyebrow. “And if I remember right, I thought it was you asking her to come to your place that night.”
Shit. So the two of them really did talk about everything. That’s not great for her.
“I didn’t mean it,” Paige says, which is very much true—she doesn’t know what she would’ve done if Haven had agreed to come over that night, but she certainly wouldn’t have kissed her. “I just, we were arguing and I wanted to make you jealous so we could, like, kiss and make up.”
Azzi crosses the room to sit on her bed, and Paige hovers awkwardly, wondering if she should follow. She decides on staying put. “I was jealous,” Azzi says. “But it just pissed me off.”
“I know, and it was a stupid thing to do.”
“I just—I thought we weren’t really, like, seeing other people.”
Paige freezes. This is completely outside of argument-at-Ted’s territory and it seems a little more like serious-talk-about-us time. Which Paige is just not prepared for at all. She should’ve made notecards for this.
“I mean—we aren’t—but, like…” Paige trails off, and she knows it’s bad how uncertain she sounds when hurt flashes over Azzi’s expression.
“Have you? Been seeing other people,” she asks, and Paige can tell she’s trying to sound nonchalant, putting on a brave face, but in reality she’s terrified of the answer.
Paige rushes to reassure her. “No, Az, no. Not a—seriously, not a single person. Not since that day at the club.” Not since the day Azzi came to UConn, if she’s being a little more accurate. But Azzi doesn’t need to know that.
Again, Azzi tries to act like it doesn’t affect her. But Paige knows her far too well—far too intimately—to miss the way her features relax, her shoulders lowering just a little bit. “Me neither,” she says softly.
Paige lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding at that. “Okay.”
“So…what does that mean?” Azzi asks tentatively.
Now that Azzi seems a little less guarded, Paige takes her chance to sit beside her on the bed, though not too close. “I dunno,” she says lamely, but when she’s met with a heavily annoyed silence, she sighs and tries desperately to think something up. “I mean. We can’t really be casual and exclusive. That’s not really how that works.”
“Yeah,” Azzi says.
Paige waits for her to pick up the conversation at least a little, but she doesn’t, and Paige is forced to go on. “I don’t—I think it’s not even something I want anymore. The whole casual thing.”
It’s hard, getting the words out, like each syllable is a barrier being broken, and maybe it is. Paige looks down at her hands, fiddles with them, anything so she doesn’t have to watch Azzi’s reaction.
“Paige,” Azzi says quietly.
And when Paige catches the hesitancy in her tone—the fear—she is suddenly too desperate and maybe even too in love to keep quiet just because it’s hard. Because she can’t do this, not again. She can’t watch Azzi walk away without at least putting up a fight.
“I know what I did was wrong,” Paige blurts out before Azzi can say anything else. She looks up, stares at the wall ahead, before turning to Azzi. She tries to detect the look in her eyes and what it may mean, but can’t. “At Ted’s. And I’m sorry. I guess I just—these past six months have been so—I mean, they’ve been good, but they’ve also been super fucking confusing and kinda scary, too. It’s like I’m always on edge waiting for you to end things, so whenever we get too close to how we were—before, in high school—I back out, no matter how hard it is. No matter how good it feels to have you again.”
Azzi opens her mouth, the beginning of a word escaping, but Paige’s heart races and she stands, stopping her. “But I’m realizing that I don’t think I can do that with you. I don’t think I can be just friends with you, or friends with benefits, or even whatever the hell it is we’ve been doing. Every day since you ended things I’ve been a fucking wreck, Azzi.” And it’s true. Her freshmen year had been hard, spent sleeping with random caramel-skinned, dimpled girls to try and fill the Azzi-shaped void in her heart. And the summer after was hell, too, reconnecting with Azzi long-distance and trying to become friends again, acting like they were never anything more. And the past six months has been the worst of it all, because having Azzi but not really having her, keeping her at an arm’s length and teetering on this edge of will she do it again and when will it happen proving almost painful.
Azzi stands, too, stepping in front of her, tilting her chin just slightly up to make eye contact like she’s always had to do. “I didn’t want that, Paige,” she says, almost as if she’s pleading. “I wanted—I thought you’d have more fun if you were single. I thought you’d resent me for, like, tying you down.”
Paige looks at Azzi for a solid few seconds, trying to discern whether she’s fucking with her. And when Azzi doesn’t laugh or tell her this was all a stupid prank she turns around, pushes her hand through her hair, and then faces her again. “Are you fucking for real?”
“Yeah,” Azzi says sheepishly. “I thought—I don’t know. I was also sixteen and stupid and insecure, and I just wanted to make you happy. I didn’t think about what I wanted.” She looks down at her feet. “Didn’t realize how hard it’d be.”
“Yeah, you were stupid,” Paige snaps, and when Azzi flinches, she takes a step towards her. “You really thought that I’d—what, not want you? Want to fucking break up so I could hoe around?”
“Kind of!” Azzi says, throwing her hands in the air. “Things already felt off that summer before you left—“
“Because I didn’t want to leave you!” Paige practically shouts, and she wonders briefly why they never bothered to discuss this before. “I had no idea what I was gonna do when we were so far apart, but you know what? We could have handled it. We could’ve handled a year. I wanted to handle it, if it meant we could stay together.” She takes another step closer, so they’re face-to-face now. “I thought you were bored of me or sum’, you know? I was so fucking hurt.”
“I wasn’t trying to hurt you!” Azzi cries. “Obviously I wasn’t bored, Paige, or I wouldn’t have jumped your fucking bones the minute I got to school.”
“And obviously I didn’t wanna be single or I wouldn’t have let you!”
Silence washes over them, and Paige is sure she could hear a pin drop, almost as sure as she is that their teammates are thoroughly listening to this argument outside the door. But she doesn’t care. Not when she’s looking close-up at the girl she’s loved forever and seeing her for the first time in almost two years—inches apart without hidden hurt or secret regrets tucked between them.
They’re both breathing heavy, both affected by everything they’ve just said and everything that still needs to be said but it’s not a surprise that they hold each other’s gazes, both too stubborn to be the first to look away.
And when the eye contact becomes too much for Paige to bear, she decides she will not chicken out, will not let her trepidations hold her back this time. And she leans forward and kisses her.
They’ve kissed—a million times, probably. Maybe more. At this point, they’ve learned each other down to the last breath, the last hair on their heads. They know exactly where to put their hands, exactly how to tell what the other is feeling based off the way they move their lips, exactly what things to say in between kisses. But despite all that, this—this feels brand new. Gentle, and tentative, but excited, too, like they know it’s the mark of something different. Something better.
———————————-
A week later, when Paige appears at her doorstep with a nervous little smile and flowers to take her on their second-first date, Paige asks her about the ‘lame girly song’ she’d been playing on repeat. Azzi tells her the song is not, in fact, lame, and is actually really quite good. She doesn’t admit that she can’t listen to it anymore.
(And, because I know you’re all wondering—yes, the makeup sex was as good as Azzi’d hoped.)
#lilah’s works#this is so stupid#but i kinda love it#this was so fun to writeeee#can’t wait to write the smut scene 😈#hope yall like#pazzi#paige bueckers#azzi fudd#pazzi fics
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REMEMBER
Click here for chapter: 1, 2, & 3
Chapter 4: New Life
You had come to terms with the fact that you'd never escape Paige. Memories of everything that involved her had begun flooding back over the past few days, piece by piece. But no one had to know—not even your dad. You just wanted to start fresh. And Paige? She was long gone from your life.
You were deep cleaning your room when your dad came in, his face serious. "Can we talk for a minute?"
You paused, wiping your hands on the towel. "Sure."
"So," he started, clearly hesitant, "I was thinking… maybe it's time for you to go back to school."
You froze, the towel dropping to the floor. "You're sending me back to New York?"
"No, honey," he said, his tone softening. "You're going to attend UConn. Is that okay with you? You can do some research if you want, so you’ll have an idea about the school." He continued, but you were already zoned out the moment he mentioned UConn. Only one thing came to mind.
Paige Madison Bueckers. Women's Basketball Star Athlete. UConn. You think maybe your dad is doing it on purpose, but then he doesn’t know that you remember Paige now. Or maybe it’s God, punishing you for lying to him.
You swallowed hard, trying to hide your reaction. "Yeah, sure. I mean… new scenery won’t hurt, right?"
Your dad looked relieved. "Great. I was worried you might not like the idea, but I already processed all your documents with the university. You’re scheduled to leave the day after tomorrow."
You nodded, your stomach twisting as the words hung in the air. What else could you say? You had no choice.
The day arrived. The University of Connecticut was not a stranger to you. But your dad had no idea. You’d been there once before, and just the thought of it made you grimace.
The first time you went was when Paige was in her second year. She kept insinuating how cool it would be if you showed up to one of her games, so you planned to surprise her by booking a plane ticket. You didn’t tell anyone, not even your parents in New York. It was mid-year, and you had classes the next day, so you’d need to return soon. You went to UConn to surprise Paige, but instead, you were the one who ended up surprised.
Before entering the Gampel Pavilion, you overheard murmurs about Paige being in a relationship with one of her teammates. At first, you couldn’t believe it. You were her best friend! She didn’t even think to tell you? You went inside anyway, determined to see her, but when you saw Paige with that girl from her team, your world came crashing down. The closeness between them was undeniable—different from the rest. You couldn't stop imagining yourself in that girl’s place, talking to Paige, her smiling, tapping your cheek just like old times. And that’s when it hit you. You weren't supposed to be the one in her life anymore.
Tears welled up in your eyes before you could stop them. The woman sitting next to you looked at you with confusion, but you couldn’t care. You stood up, running out of the arena, your heart breaking with each step.
After that, everything changed. You realized what you wanted—what you had always wanted and more. But by then, it was too late.
Paige has no idea what happened to you. Later that night, she texted you, informing you about her game. But you just couldn't bring yourself to talk to her. You turned bitter, but you also had no courage to actually tell her anything. Every conversation with her turned into arguments because Paige isn't telling you anything and keeps pretending like she doesn't have a girl waiting for her on the other side of the line. Or maybe they were together, you thought. You're always mad, so is she, because she keeps saying she can't understand you anymore. So you stopped trying.
Days passed, months, then a year. You heard nothing from her. Just the occasional glimpse of her life through social media, and you could see she was happy. Still with that girl. She completely forgot about you.
Then came the injury. You learned about it from the news, and you immediately went to your contacts, your finger hovering above her name, then pressed call.
"Hello?" The voice on the other end wasn’t Paige’s. It was sweet, warm, but unfamiliar.
"Hi, is Paige there? I just wanted to know if she’s okay? I’m her—"
"Ah, yes. Paige is fine," the voice cut you off. "But it’s best for her to rest right now. It’s been a long day. I got her, no need for you to be concerned."
You swallowed the lump in your throat. "Who’s this?"
"This is Azzi." Oh. Azzi as in the teammate number 35? The one rumored to be more than just a teammate. Your heart sank, but you didn’t press further. Paige was okay, that’s all that mattered. Even if your heart was breaking all over again.
Days passed. Paige sent you messages every now and then, but you never replied.
Hey, how are you? So, I happened to tear my ACL in case you didn’t know. Hey. Aren’t you gonna check in on me? I miss you. What happened to us?
You saw them all, each one digging deeper into the ache in your chest. But you remembered Azzi’s words. Paige was happy with her. So why would she need you?
"Excuse me." You snapped out of your thoughts, realizing your mood had shifted into something darker. It was your first day at school, and you didn’t want to carry this weight with you.
You turned, startled, and found a guy standing there, waiting for your attention. "Yes?" you replied, trying to shake off the sadness.
"Are you the transferee? I'm Luke, from the student council. I was tasked to be your guide for the day," he introduced himself.
You gave him a small smile and introduced yourself. He seemed friendly, helpful, and guided you through the entire day—showing you the Engineering Faculty for your schedule, then taking you to the Swim Club, a place your dad had convinced you to join.
By the time you were back in your dorm, it was already evening. You had one roommate, but she wasn’t here yet. The name on her door read "Hailey," so you figured that was her.
Around 8 pm, a knock came at your door. You opened it to find a tall brunette holding a paper bag.
"Hi, I’m Hailey! I’ve been waiting for you since yesterday, once they told me I’d have a roommate. Also, here." She handed you the bag.
"Hi, it’s really nice of you, but you didn’t have to bring me a gift..." You said, shyly.
"Uh, first off, I’m broke as hell, girl. Second, it’s not from me. Third, it has your name on it, so I assumed it’s for you. It was left at our door," Hailey said, grinning.
You looked inside the bag, and to your surprise, there were containers of food. A note simply read, "Dinner."
You frowned, puzzled. What was this about?
"Thank you, Hailey. It’s nice to meet you!" you said, still a little confused.
"No problem! I’m gonna crash now, though. Girl’s tired as hell." Hailey laughed and disappeared into her own room.
You closed the door, placed the bag on your study table, and examined the containers. But after a moment of thought, you shrugged. Maybe it was just a token from the school. You didn’t have the energy to dwell on it. You were tired, and you had school tomorrow.
The next morning, you got up early to get ready. You threw on some loose clothes that were a little too big for you. You didn’t like how you looked in tight clothes, always feeling too thin. You gazed into the mirror, a habit you're welcoming in your life again, one last time before leaving. Your long black hair, your pale skin, your black eyes… at least you were tall. It wasn’t much, but it was something.
As you walked out of your dorm, you noticed a white plastic bag by your door. But you didn’t have time to waste. You ignored it and headed to your classes.
Hours went by so fast. Classes were done, and you're walking now to your swimming club.
The first day of swim practice was intimidating. Still, you’d promised your dad you’d give it a try, so here you were. You’re excited but a little nervous, as you weren’t entirely sure what to expect. When you arrived, the pool area was bustling with energy. Swimmers of all ages were warming up, chatting with their teammates, and prepping for the day ahead. You are immediately drawn to the sense of camaraderie among the athletes. Everyone seemed to know each other, exchanging jokes and smiles, making it clear this was a tight-knit group.
You found your place with the women's team, and the coach, a tall, confident woman with short black hair, greeted you warmly. "Glad you could join us!" she said. "We've been waiting for you."
"Hi, it's nice to meet y’all." You introduced yourself to them warmly.
"Go change in the locker room so we can start with practice," Coach told you.
You stepped into the locker room, feeling the familiar wave of nervous energy. The room buzzed with activity as swimmers prepared for practice. A few glanced your way, but no one paid you much attention. You were the new face, after all.
"Hey! Transferee!" You turned to see a guy with messy brown hair and a friendly smile. He was tall, built—definitely a swimmer. Is that the guy from yesterday?
"Luke?"
"Nice to see you again. I’m on the men’s team." He grinned, extending his hand, which you shook. “I forgot to mention yesterday."
He then led you to the side of the pool where a few other teammates were gathered. “Alright, let’s meet the team. This is Mia," he said, pointing to a short, athletic girl who was busy adjusting her swim cap. “She’s a sprinter, one of the fastest in the team.”
Mia looked up and smiled at you, giving a quick wave. "Welcome to the chaos," she said with a laugh.
“Over there is Isaac," Luke continued, motioning toward a lanky guy sitting on the bleachers, flipping through his phone. "He’s our distance swimmer. Don’t let his chill demeanor fool you—he can swim a mile faster than most of us can run.”
Isaac lifted his head and gave you a lazy wave, flashing a grin. “Hey.”
"And that’s Ava," Luke said, gesturing to a tall, broad-shouldered girl who was stretching her legs by the edge of the pool. "She’s the team's powerhouse in backstroke."
Ava gave you a friendly nod but didn’t stop her stretches. “Nice to meet you,” she called, her voice calm and focused.
You smiled, feeling surprisingly at ease. The team seemed laid-back but also serious about their sport. You couldn’t help but admire how dedicated they were. They were all different, yet they worked seamlessly together.
Practice kicked off not long after, and you were quickly thrown into the mix. The coach, a no-nonsense woman named Coach Katie, had you start with some warm-up laps to get a feel for your speed.
Luke swam beside you during your first lap, offering tips and helping you adjust your strokes. “Don’t overthink it,” he said. “The water’s your friend. Just flow with it.”
You nodded, focusing on your breathing and the rhythm of your strokes. After a few laps, the nervousness faded, replaced by a growing sense of familiarity. The water felt less like a challenge and more like an extension of yourself.
The week flew by. Each day felt smoother than the last as you got used to the routine, your teammates, and the sport itself. Luke was always there to offer advice, but you noticed he also gave you space when you needed it. Mia and Isaac kept you laughing during breaks, and Ava’s quiet determination was contagious. And you've been having a good bond with your roommate, Hailey. It became a regular thing. Along with the magically popping food containers on your door step every day. But you think less of it, Hailey's the one who's enjoying all of it anyway.
You got into a groove with your training, and by the end of the week, you felt like you were starting to belong. Your muscles ached, but in a good way. You were pushing yourself, and it felt… right. You didn’t run into Paige once—not at the pool, not in the hallways, not in any of your classes.
It was as if she had never existed in this new chapter of your life.
For the first time in a long time, you felt like you were moving forward. There was no lingering past, no painful memories pulling at you. Just the present—the team, the practice, the friendships slowly forming.
Apparently, you learned that the team was gearing up for a competition the day after tomorrow. It’s currently the Big East season, and you’ll be competing against Villanova. It’s an away game, and Coach Katie needs everyone locked in. So, you spent your free time practicing with the team.
Competition Day. You’re all lining up to board the school bus for the swim team when you notice another bus parked beside it. Students in athletic gear are also lining up to board it.
“It’s the basketball team. I heard we have the same venue this time,” Mia explains as she notices you staring. “They’re playing Villanova’s women’s basketball team.”
You scan their line, your eyes searching for a certain blonde. There she is, you think. Paige is standing there, chatting animatedly with her two teammates about something funny. One of them has a number 10 on her gear. And there’s Azzi. If it isn’t Azzi Fudd.
Suddenly, you catch the number 10 girl staring at you and saying something to Paige, who quickly turns her head toward your direction.
Shit, were you caught? You're not supposed to know her!
Thankfully, it’s your turn to load the bus. As you walk up the steps and find a seat, you feel eyes on you from outside. You can’t help but glance back. There’s no harm in it as long as you don’t show any emotion or recognition, you tell yourself. The number 10 girl has a small smile on her face and shakes her head at Paige. Meanwhile, Paige is still looking at you through the window with a blank expression on her face. But what shocks you the most is Azzi’s expression. It’s a mix of recognition and something between troubled and apologetic.
You turn back around and take your seat then sighed. This is going to be a long day.
A/N: Don't get me wrong guys, I love Azzi very muchhh. She's a princess. This is just for the plot! Much lovee <3
Taglist: @sjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj @0phantom0 @authentic-girl03 @thelightknight21 @shartnugget26
#paige bueckers#uconn#uconn huskies#uconn wbb#paige bueckers fic#paige bueckers x reader#azzi fudd#paige x reader#nika mühl#nika muhl
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Courting with Jade(Jade Leech x Reader)
Gender neutral reader, referred to as Perfect or Y/N ✦
Warnings!:
swearing as usual, just in my nature
Jade being…creepy. We like him for that tho ig…
Uneducated reader on merfolk mating rituals
Word count: approximately 2.63k
Exactly how long has it been since jade has been acting weird? Well…weirder than usual. He was a little more out of it, that being the nicest way to explain his actions. This is Jade we’re talking about, Jade, the man who was always pristine in looks and words, well mannered, knew proper etiquette while also being absolutely creepy nice…but the way he was acting now was different, going as far as calling it absurd, even!
Jade was never like this, he had never smiled so wide when you accidentally brushed your hand against his, and you have never ever seen that guy blush before, that is until you yawned while facing him after so graciously helping clean and close the lounge (which you only did for the money). It’s confusing, baffling, bewildering, yea, you get it. What happened to the mushroom obsessed eel boy? Maybe he ate one too many mushrooms and that’s why he’s acting like this. But, who knows why? Well, you want to. Jade, no matter how cynical he appeared to be, no matter how many threats he made that you didn’t quite know were empty or not, you liked him, and all this bullshit that he’s pulling is freaking you out way more than his normal personality!
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Grim and you were in a tight situation, as usual. Money was running low, food stock was running low (more so Grim’s tuna), and the recent check from Crowley never managed to disappoint. How many thaumarks did you get, you ask? A whopping $650…again? Shit. It seemed his checks kept dwindling more and more by the month, which evidently caused you to have to score a job at the lounge, which Azul happily took your offer up on. Definitely wasn't just using you because he knew most of the student body liked you, pshhhh...
Azul was always there to lend you a helping hand when you needed it, although you usually never took his hand, physically and metaphorically speaking, but you had to these past few months, all because your little furbaby needs his food or he might just burn down Ramshackle, and you can definitely not afford that catastrophe right now. While working there, Jade grew a little closer to you but never ceased to be a pain in the ass, same with his brother, runs in the family you suppose. You look at the time and realize you have to get going.
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Hours tick by, the lounge now closed for the night after a particularly busy day, and you just stand wiping the same spot on the table over and over again, zoning out as drowsiness overcomes you in a flash. How long had you been working? Let’s see, your shift started at around 2:00 p.m. which is when classes are usually over and– HOLY SHIT! As realization dawns on you as you look at the clock, you see It’s 1:30 in the morning.
You pause and you take a breath in, looking down at the table which you had been absentmindedly cleaning more than it needed to be. You pick up the rag and you throw it on the cart. Jade and Floyd looked as graceful as ever as they mopped the floor and wiped off the seats, their earrings jingling in sync it seemed. You sit down at a booth and take off your lounge uniform blazer and slip your gloves off…
“Stupid things…fuck my life, fuck this.” you murmur under your breath. You lean back and close your eyes. How did they do this? Did they do this every night? You knew Azul could be cruel, but damn…working them that long every day? You wouldn’t survive that, that’s all you know.
“Done already? Azul doesn’t like slackers, which I’m sure you know.” Jade smirks. You snap your eyes open, jumping a bit. His footsteps were always eerily silent, always catching anyone least expecting him to pop up off guard. You shake your head and sit up again, clearing your throat.
“Uh, yea. I’m done. Sorry.” you huff out, grabbing your gloves off the table. You look up at him, his smile never faltering.
“Ah, amazing job. Shall I walk you back to Ramshackle then?” He tilts his head. You narrow your eyes at him. That’s different. But you nod and grab your blazer, standing up.
Jade takes it right from your hands, holding it open so you can slip your arms in.
“I can do it myself” You sigh. You wait for him to do something, but he shakes the blazer and smirks even wider. What is up with him?
"I insist." He grins. You roll your eyes, and you slip your arms through the sleeves. Jade then gingerly slips his hand to the small of your back, rambling on about whatever it was that he has on his mind as he leads you out of the lounge. You’re way too tired to comprehend anything he says or even notice the hand placement, all you know is that your bed is calling your name.
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You slump down on the couch in Ramshackle, kicking off your shoes and running a hand down your face, letting out a small yawn, tears pricking the corner of your eyes.
Jade chuckles and watches from the doorway with evident amusement at your appearance and actions. “Difficult day I presume?” he chuckles. You are definitely not in the mood for his antics today.
“You were there the whole time, so yea, obviously. Goodnight, Jade.” you grumble and make a swatting motion with your hand towards him. He simply grins wider.
“Ah, humans are so different. In the deep, staying up long hours is essential to make sure you’re always safe, never let your guard down.” He muses. You close your eyes and lean your head back against the couch.
“Ok, well we aren’t in the deep and I honestly don’t care. Goodnight, Jade.” you say more sternly, slightly harsher than you had intended, but if he would leave you alone so you could sleep, that would be the best thing ever at this rate.
“Ah, ah. How harsh, Y/N, I was simply stating how we are superior as a species, all fun in games.” He chuckles again. “So angry it seems. You should join me for a hike one of these days, it helps to clear the mind, especially after such stressful situations.” he remarks.
“Yea, yea, sure, whatever.” You drawl on as you find your eyelids getting heavier and heavier.
“Would this weekend work then for a hike?”
“Sure. whatever. Yep. good, or whatever. Bye.” your words stumble out of your mouth as you slump down onto the couch more and sleep finally takes over, sending you into a well-deserved rest.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Well…that happened, you guess?
Over the next few days, you forget about what you said in your tired state, more focused and confused on the little trinkets you find in the pocket of your work uniform whenever you arrive back at Ramshackle late at night, each one ranging from something shiny, like a pearl, or something like a scale from who knows who. You don’t know who these “gifts” are from, and it’s ominous in a way…but you don’t have time to question it, and you just throw it in a small box, just keeping the thought of money in your mind to keep the motivation of making bank to continue to have a place to live. Crowley, when you see him, it’s on sight, instantly.
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The weekend comes quick, and you honestly forgot about the whole “Deal” you made with Jade, just happily awaiting your check from Azul.
You practically skip your way to the lounge, the only word on your mind being “money.” You hum a tune quietly as you push your way past people waiting in line to get a table and head straight to the VIP lounge.
“Azulllll, I believe you owe me something!” You smile as you push open the door. In the room is the octotrio themselves, Azul scribbling on paper, Floyd looking bored out of his mind, and Jade dressed in– dressed in hiking gear, which jogs a memory in your mind. Your “agreement” to go on a hike with him, which seemed innocent, but knowing him, he was hiding something.
“Shrimpy!” Floyd perks up and instantly stands up, walking over to you and giggling happily. He picks you up and hugs you tight. You let out a short puff of air as most of it is squeezed out of you. Azul clicks his tongue and grumbles under his breath, going to fish through his drawer as you’re being suffocated to death. Jade gets up as well, smiling calmly at the scene before him. Floyd sets you down, bored already, and walks away, although he seems a bit wearier of Jade all of a sudden, which is quite unusual.
Azul then comes over as well and hands you an envelope with what you hope is a thick stack of money inside.
“Thank you.” You smile triumphantly. Jade, finally having enough of being quiet, clears his throat, grabbing your attention.
“Perfect, I thought you would have come prepared with proper attire, but it seems I have been mistaken.” he grins. You feel your stomach sink and you look away from him. You sigh and look down at your shoes. To be fair, you didn’t exactly have proper gear to begin with anyways, but you also weren't trying to go on this little trip in the first place.
“Fear not, the Mountain Lover Club is always prepared for newcomers, which means luckily for you, we have just the correct items.” Why was he using “we?” Only Jade was in the club, ah…whatever, the bigger problem here is that not only will you be hiking, but you will also be hiking alone, with Jade.
You purse your lips and nod. Azul sighs, gaining both yours and Jade's attention. “Discuss this somewhere else, I am a very busy man.” he huffs as he glances over at the door. Jade instantly takes the hint and walks out towards the door, looking over his shoulder to make sure you follow him.
Uh oh.
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After getting suited up and getting permission to head off campus, rightfully excused by Jade since he was president of his club, you and Jade hiked up a mountain, a pretty steep one at that.
“Oh. Look, these mushrooms are special to this mountain due to its higher level of humidity. See how it grows along the trees and logs? Certainly fascinating.” He thrums out as he continues to observe the blue, glowing mushrooms. Meanwhile, you were leaning against a tree, heaving in and out as you finally were able to take a break to catch your breath after climbing, and the worst part of it all? You “were not to the desired destination yet,” quote Jade.
You glare over at him, but your gaze softens as you see him so interested in the mushrooms, his facial features softer and lacking that formal facade he’s so perfectly crafted and wore around everyone at NRC. You push yourself off of the tree and kneel down next to him, reaching out a hand to touch the blue thing, but he stops you.
“They are quite deadly. Toxic, in fact. It's better not to touch them, especially to prevent any incidents where you may inhale any spores released.” He schools you, looking down at you with a smile. You pull your hand away and keep it glued to your side, ok, no touching any blue glowing mushrooms, got it, though that should have already been common sense. An awkwardly pleasant silence falls between the two of you. Jade takes one last look before standing up again, holding a hand out to you. You take it and you both continue to hike up again.
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“Jade? I have something that’s been bugging me.” You sigh out, the thought finally being too much to ignore.
“Give me a name and you’ll never have to deal with them again.” He answers firmly. You pause and open your mouth, then close it again, a confused look on your face.
“That’s…not what I meant.” You murmur out. Jade simply smiles and chuckles.
“My misunderstanding, what seems to be the trouble then?” he inquiries. You recall how you kept finding the little items in your coat pockets after work, thinking it had to have been him since he walked you back to ramshackle after working at the lounge.
“The little things in my pockets–”
“Those were from me. Why has it been bugging you, hmmm?” he hums as he ducks under a branch, continuing to move, his long legs helping him easily step over long roots sticking up from the ground. You pause your movements and stick your hands in your pockets, shrugging.
“Dunno, not like you.” you whisper out. He stops and turns to look back at you, quirking an eyebrow as he stares at you. But the look quickly goes away as quick as it came, and he smirks.
“You’ll find out soon. Follow along.” He turns back around and heads up the path again.
“Hey! No, Jade, I wanna know, stop being all secretive–
Jade pushes back a tree branch and reveals an open spot at the top of the mountain which overlooks the entire mountain range. The high peaks in the distance are spotted with snow, and the pine trees in mass quantities spread across the range, fog blanketing the dips and valleys. You stop in your rambling and go quiet as you slowly walk up next to him, your mouth agape at the sight.
“I…Woah.” Is all you can manage to stutter out.
“Truly a most ethereal sight. Things like this don’t exist under the sea, another thing that makes both worlds so different from one another, which evidently brings me to another drastically different aspect of the cultures.” he smiles and looks down at you, watching as the sun hits your features just right, casting you in a sort of golden glow. You turn your head up at him and a look of bewilderment flashes across it.
“I thought you to be smarter, Perfect. But one can only hold another in such high regards for little time.” he sighs, a pout on his face, though as well as you knew him, you knew it was just a ploy. Your eyes widen in surprise.
“I certainly expected you to catch onto my advances. You see, Y/N, I was courting you. Had I been too subtle?” his pout deepens. You’re speechless. You look into his eyes, and damn! That fucking pout, as fake as the meaning behind it was, he was incredibly cute at the moment, and the sun giving him an incandescent look didnt help either. You clear your throat and try to mutter something, anything out, but nothing comes. You glance away, flustered.
So that’s what all this weird behavior has been coming from him? He’s been trying to court you. It seemed unbelievable, but when you look back at him, he’s smiling his well-worn sinister smile, though it seems more genuine.
“You’re blushing, Perfect.” he snickers. “At a loss for words?”
Who knows what comes over you, maybe the past confusing moments finally making sense and you wanting to get revenge on him, but you pull him down by the collar of his jacket and you place a kiss on his cheek.
“Bastard.” You grumble as you pull away. Now it’s his turn to be left speechless, a faint tint of pink to his cheeks, but it quickly fades as he smiles again. His gaze softens again
“Glad you feel the same, Y/N…it’s truly a relief.”
Hope you enjoyed my lovelies! I’ll be posting more soon, I promise, lol. I’m just trying to get all my works over to here, but two other ones I have not posted are on my Ao3 —> https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ms_cherub
I was editing this on the bus so mb if I missed any spelling mistakes or anything like that! That’s it though <3
Please don’t steal or copy any of my work! You may, however, repost if you’d want to!
Pictures belong to Disney Twisted Wonderland but are edited by me :)
#twisted wonderland#jade leech#octotrio#floyd leech#jade leech x reader#jade leech x you#gender neutral reader#x reader#<3#x y/n#y/n
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PLEASE I BEGGG DO THISSSSS
Luigi x fem!reader
Where lu is super sweet and they r each others firsts and they do it and lu just wants to make her feel good and he finishes first and is super embarrassed cus he doesnt know what to do and shes like talking him through eating her out after and its sososo hot and cute
PLEASEEE
thank u for ur request!!! this is my first time writing smut so bare with me <3 I typically write more fluff but I’m so happy to step out of my comfort zone (writing wise) for u guys! (also this request reminded me of that one p clip going around of that dude who looks like lu… anywho!)
warnings: smut, unprotected sex (pls wrap before u tap)
“I want to please you” luigi looked up at you with his brown doe eyes, placing kisses across your chest, “is that okay?” breathing heavy, looking down at your best friend, you think back, how did you end up here? you and luigi had been best friends since high school, following each other to upenn. you both made a pact that if 6 months into college either you didn’t loose their virginity, you would loose it to each other.
one january evening you decide to show up to luigi’s dorm, already planning what you were going to say to him.
“hey y/n,” he shyly smiles as he opens the door.
you barge into his dorm shocking him a bit.
“lu, I think we need to get this over with tonight,” you say, but your eyes not meeting his.
“what do you mean? everything okay?” he asks, genuinely confused, searching your eyes to see what could be wrong.
“I know it hasn’t even been six months, but I’ve thought about this a lot. I want you, I trust you.” you say slightly louder than a whisper, feeling embarrassed. luigi nearly starts choking, his breath hitching from shock.
“oh. I wasn’t expecting that, are you sure?” he questions, grabbing your forearm for reassurance.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” you finally making eye contact with him. both of your faces blushing red, you already feel the room getting hot. a mix of emotions fills your mind, you’ve always had a crush on luigi. you could never admit to those feelings because you didn’t think he’d ever feel the same, but he does. luigi’s mind is racing with thoughts. not even sure of what to expect, he thought this pact was a drunken joke to you, but both of you were as serious as ever. you both take a seat on his bed and sit side by side. an awkward yet thrilling tension filled the room, both of you have never felt this before. luigi moves closer and grabs your hand
“y/n, just so you know I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable at all. we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” he assures you. you look over at him, “I want this, I want you. all of you,” there’s a need in your voice that has never been there before, a mix of excitement and wanting.
luigi places a hand on your shoulder and asks “is this okay?” while slowly rubbing his hand down your arm. you nodded, unable to speak due to anticipation. his eyes looking directly in yours, searching your face for any regrets. he slowly moves his hand to your cheek and gently rubs his thumb back and forth. he sighs and leans in slowly, you press your lips to his. the kiss is more than peck, its soft and wondering. speeding up, the kisses become more passionate and rushed. he begins to move his hands up your neck and to your hair, tugging gently. you gasp in pleasure, luigi slyly smirks and returns to kissing you. he flips himself on top of you to gain control, pushing you down into the mattress. you have never been so close to one another, but now that you have started, you’re addicted. his hands begin wandering on your back and begins to lift up your shirt, letting it fall to the floor. “god, you’re so beautiful,” he whispers, as his eyes flicker across your chest covered in a lacy bralette. his hands begin exploring your body, caressing and gently kissing across your chest. he cups one of your breasts, gently massaging the flesh. “oh, lu,” you moan, not knowing to do with all the pleasure. you begin to slide your hands up to remove his shirt, “it’s not fair, let me see you,” you giggle against him. he shivers at the contact of your hands exploring his bare chest, groaning into another kiss. you moan into him and his hips move forward. you both groan in unison, feeling how hard he is. you flip yourself over so that you’re now straddling him, grinding down on his hard cock. “god, you don’t know how many nights I’ve dreamed of this,” he groans out. “don’t try and flatter me lu, we both know the deal,” you mutter. he grinds up into you, causing you to moan loudly. he begins to plant kisses down your neck leaving marks, he makes his way down to your breasts again to look up at you. “may i?” he raises his eyebrows at you, unclasping your bra. the cold air rushes to your hardening nipples, making you shiver. his thumbs toying with your breasts, trying his best to learn how to please you. he leans down and takes one of your nipples in his mouth, sucking gently. you moan, tangling your fingers in his curls. “god, luigi, are you sure you’re not a virgin?” you ask breathless. he chuckles, moving his hands down to squeeze your ass. he smiles gently at you, while his hands roam across your backside. he begins to tug at your pants, signalling he wants them off. you desperately move your hips so that you can get rid of another barrier, his gaze intensely on you.
“fuck, y/n, you’re perfect,” he murmurs looking at your bare skin on display only for him. “can I touch you?” he asks full of need and affection, you arch into him and his fingers dip into your underwear. “baby, you’re soaked,” he moans, as he begins gently rubbing across your clit. “luigi,” you moan, with your back arching with full pleasure. you could feel your wetness pooling through your underwear as he worked his fingers, sending waves of pleasure you had never felt before. you moan out, gripping his shoulders, until there’s a loss of contact. your eyes open and look at luigi, “why’d you stop?” you question. he toys at the waistband of your underwear, “I need to be inside you,” he begs. “I want you so bad, y/n,” he pleads. kissing you with intent and passion, he begins to remove your underwear. he takes off the remaining clothes, “are you sure about this, y/n?” he taps your hip, wanting reassurance. “I want you, luigi, so bad,” you moan and your hips instinctively buck up.
his hands sliding up your thighs to spread you open, you gasp at the sudden sensation. “you’re absolutely gorgeous, y/n” he looks down at you, all of you, just for him. he positions himself at your entrance, you moan softly, waiting in anticipation. he looks at you, you nod softly, telling him to begin. he enters you slowly, not wanting to hurt you in any way, trying to control his movements. you whined, feeling a mix of pleasure and pain, you’ve never felt anything like this before. you’re both so overcome with being wrapped around one another, no barriers between you two. the pain began to subside after a couple thrusts, and your wetness began to flutter around him.
“fuck, I need to slow down y/n,” he buries his face into your neck. his erratic thrusts are becoming too much and the sensations are taking over. “god, I’m so close, y/n,” he moans, “you feel so good,” he babbles. it’s all becoming too much, his cock hitting the right spots. he begins moving much faster and you can tell he’s almost finished. “let go, lu. I got you,” you moan out to him, letting him know it’s okay to finish. with a low moan, he finishes, collapsing on top of you.
“oh fuck, y/n. you’re perfect,” he says kissing up and down your torso. “did you finish?” he asks bashfully, realizing he didn’t get you there. “no, it’s okay though I still enjoyed it,” you rub your hand through his curls, still breathless. he looks up at you, “we can keep going, if you’d like,” you bite your lip, not sure if you could go for another round. “please?” he pleads with you. “I want to please you” luigi looked up at you with his brown doe eyes, placing kisses across your chest, “is that okay?” how could you say no to that? god it was the hottest thing he has ever said, you nodded desperately.
he kisses your body hungrily, peppering kisses until he reaches your heat. spreading open your legs once again. “you’re so beautiful, I can’t believe this is all mine,” he confesses. he toys with your clit, leaving you breathless. then he quickly dives in head first, licking a stripe right at your hole, and edging up to sucking on your clit. “oh fuck, luigi,” you moan loudly as he continues sucking and lapping your cunt. “where did you learn to do this,” you question breathlessly while tugging his hair. you can feel him smile against you, it was driving you crazy. your legs wrap around his head as he teases you to your edge, “you’re so fuckin’ wet, all for me,” he groans against you. the pressure is becoming all too much, you arch further into his mouth, nails digging into his hair. “I’m going to cum, lu,” then, the coil snaps in your belly, the feeling hits all too sudden and the orgasm violently rips through you. your cries, your moans, all release at once and you’re spent.
your bodies cling onto each other, you’re both sweaty, wet, and overstimulated. luigi rolls onto his side breathlessly looking into your eyes, “same time tomorrow?” he jokes. you roll your eyes, the feeling sinking in that you guys are more than just friends.
#luigi mangione#luigi mangione x reader#luigi mangione fanfiction#luigi mangione x yn#free luigi#the adjuster#ceo shooting#deny defend depose#fanfiction#luigi mangione smut
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VERY TOO SCARILY SPECIFIC MESSAGE WANTING TO COME THROUGH 🥀
❗Take what resonates and leave what does not. Please don't try to force the reading this is very too specific message❗
So, today was supposed to be a cute little "pick a pile" day, you know, something simple, but nope, Spirit decided otherwise. I woke up with this weirdly specific download that hit me like a truck, and now here we are. I swear, Spirit is out here writing soap operas, and I’m just the messenger. If this post finds you, it's for you—or someone you know. Maybe it’s a sign, a wake-up call, or that nudge you’ve been ignoring for way too long. Either way, buckle up because this one’s not just a message; it’s a plot twist. Let’s get into it.
All right, buckle up, because Spirit is coming for your life today, and I’m just the messenger. First off, let me tell you, I don’t even listen to Billie Eilish, okay? except for that one TikTok trending line from "NDA": "You hit me so hard, I saw stars, you couldn’t save me, but you can’t let me go." That’s literally the anthem of this message. I woke up with that playing in my head, which means Spirit decided this needed to be channeled urgently. Whoever stumbles upon this post, it’s not just a coincidence. Spirit does not play around, and this message will either hit you right in the feels or make you think of someone who’s in this exact situation.
Let’s talk about what’s going down:
This reading is so tied to Pile 3 from my last post that it might as well be a sequel. If you picked Pile 3, or even if you didn’t but felt drawn here—hello, welcome, Spirit has entered the chat.
What Spirit is screaming at you about:
There’s a divine feminine in the spotlight here—a true Empress, possibly a Taurus (big Earth energy, though she’s got fire placements, don’t @ me). This is a woman who’s spiritual AF, the kind who probably keeps lunar moth symbolism somewhere in her Pinterest boards. Spirit is showing me snow, transformation, and the sun breaking through—a metaphorical rebirth.
This Empress is in a marriage or committed relationship with a fire sign masculine, and Sagittarius is loud here. But let me just say it: this connection is dead. D-E-A-D. It’s like a decaying fruit you keep trying to salvage but deep down, you know it’s only attracting flies. Sis, you’re not satisfied, and you’ve been suspecting him of cheating—maybe you’ve even gone full-blown FBI mode looking for proof. And guess what? You might not find anything in his phone because this isn’t just about infidelity. This is divine orchestration. (Spirit says you're manifesting him to. ArE yUo??)
About him:
(I hear spirit calling him a bitch 🙂)
Your fire-sign masculine (showing up as the King of Wands reversed) isn’t cheating out of malice. It’s not about you. He’s being karmically redirected, facing his own lessons. Spirit says this isn’t your burden to carry anymore. Let him go, let him learn, because you are being called to step up into your Empress energy. This is your moment.
And, oh, honey, let’s talk about the real tea: there’s someone else in your energy—a true Emperor (big Virgo vibes, but there’s a hint of water there too). I’m not saying this is a "right now" situation. This feels like a "right person, wrong time" scenario. You’ve been lowkey denying your feelings, but Spirit is like, "Stop lying to yourself." Dreams? Pay attention to them. That spicy one you had? Yeah, it’s not random. That’s the new person energetically knocking on your door (or could be someone you already know).
The storm before the glow-up:
You’re being asked to walk away, even though it feels like a storm. The Tower is here, loud and proud, because this divorce (or separation) will feel like a loss—but it’s actually your victory. This is your transformation, your cocoon-breaking moment. Yes, it might take time—Spirit says several months to a year and a half—but the delay is working in your favor. Why? So you can fully heal, step into your power, and reunite with your true soulmate at the right time.
Details Spirit won’t let me skip:
Uranus energy: Sudden changes, rebellion, chaos. This might feel overwhelming, but it’s the catalyst you need. Also, Uranus could be strong aspected in your chart or it could be your dominant planet or in your seventh house even. OMG IS IT 7TH HOUSE AQUARIUS?
Age gap: You might be older than your new person (the Emperor), and school or mentorship could be significant.
Health issues: Some of you might be dealing with migraines, anxiety, or even a literal broken bone. Take care of yourself.
Ancestry: Someone here might have Syrian heritage, listening to Syrian songs, travelled to Syrian, or that’s significant in some way.
Spiritual practices: You’re already intuitive AF, but Spirit is asking you to trust that. Your High Priestess energy is peaking, babe.
The cards are screaming:
The Ace of Pentacles and Empress are your starting and ending points. Spirit is giving you the tools to build something solid, something aligned with your true self. But first, you have to let go of what’s not working.
Your fire sign masculine (again, King of Wands reversed) is showing up with the Nine of Swords, Tower, and Five of Cups—he’s bringing chaos, regret, and heartbreak. Meanwhile, your Virgo Emperor (King of Pentacles) is all about stability, love, and real partnership. This is a 10/10 upgrade, sis.
But here’s the thing: Spirit isn’t just handing you this glow-up. The Hanged Man, Hermit, and High Priestess are asking you to do the inner work. Shadow work. Letting go. Closing cycles. And don’t rush the process—this transformation is meant to take time.
The Judgment, World, and Fool cards are here to say: You’ve got this. Close the old chapter, embrace the new beginning, and trust that you’re being divinely guided.
Spirit’s final mic drop:
Your outcome? Ten of Cups, Sun, Ace of Cups, and Emperor energy. You’re stepping into your divine alignment, creating the life you’ve always dreamed of. This isn’t just a glow-up—it’s a full-on cosmic upgrade.
So, sis, stop running in circles. Let go of the fear. The snow is melting, the sun is rising, and your wings are ready to spread. Transformation is here.
P.S. Don’t you dare ignore your dreams. Spirit is spilling the tea while you sleep.
EDIT: THAT BITCH OF SPIRIT ISN'T DONE YET
All right, let me just start this edit by saying Spirit is relentless and will not let me breathe. I was ready to hit post on this whole saga, but nooo, here I am dragging my oracle deck into the chaos because Spirit said, "We’re not done yet. Pick it up."
And guess what? The oracle cards came in guns blazing, like, "Hey, you forgot to mention that the Divine Feminine is basically scripting her entire life right now." Oh, you wanted closure? Nah, here’s a manifested trilogy, complete with cheating, divorce, a second marriage, and that one soulmate who’s been lurking in the shadows of your dreams like a rom-com waiting to happen. You’re welcome.
Let me spell it out for the DF here because Spirit has no chill:
1. Make the effort: That great love you want? It’s on the way, but only if you stop stalling and take the steps you’ve been guided to take.
2. Divorce: It’s not just a breakup; it’s a rite of passage for your soul’s growth.
3. Very soon: Time to get clear. What do you want? (Hint: it’s not what you’re clinging to.)
4. Calling in your soulmate: Prayers, visualizations, affirmations? You’re doing it. That soulmate? They’re clocking in.
5. True love: Spoiler alert: It’s the real deal. But you’ve gotta clear the karmic clutter first.
And can we just talk about this plot twist for a second? The Divine Feminine is over here manifesting the entire package—the cheating, the heartbreak, the rebirth, the glow-up, and the reunion with her Emperor. She’s scripting this life like it’s her magnum opus. Even Spirit’s like, “She’s got the vision, so let’s give her the drama to match.” LET HER COOK.
But don’t get it twisted. This is not just chaos for chaos’s sake. Every step is part of the Divine Master Plan™. Karmic lessons? Check. Shadow work? Oh, absolutely. And that second marriage? Let’s just say it’s not just about love—it’s about stepping into your highest self and finally getting what you deserve.
So, DF, if this reading feels like it’s dragging you, just remember: Spirit’s not being mean. Spirit’s being specific. Now go journal, light some candles, and make peace with the fact that you’re the main character in this cosmic soap opera. Stay alive, and may your karmic lessons lead you straight to your Emperor.
URGH 😩 let me just get this off my chest because I feel personally attacked by Spirit right now. Like, what do you mean "too specific"? Since when is being specific a crime? At this rate, my blog is going to turn into a full-on "channeled therapy hotline" because Spirit just keeps exposing people—and apparently me too, for reasons I do not appreciate. Let me tell you, I woke up with Billie Eilish in my head (again, Spirit, WHY), channeling your entire life story, and now it’s giving "TikTok psychic who accidentally goes viral for saying someone’s cat is named Buttons." Like, do you see how specific this is getting? Lunar moths, snow, Syrian ancestry, migraines? It’s like, Spirit, please chill before I need to call my own hotline for emotional support. At this point, I might as well start a TikTok because these pick-a-pile readings are out here turning into full-blown docuseries. Who even needs to pick a pile anymore when Spirit is like, "No, we’re just going to read you for filth directly and leave no room for ambiguity. DELIVER THE MESSAGE AND SHUT UP." And don’t get me started on the energy of this whole post. I feel like some of y’all are reading this and thinking, "Wow, this sounds like a private consultation." Like, yeah, it does, doesn’t it? Because Spirit doesn’t know how to keep things light. But fine, if this is what we’re doing now, let me just embrace my destiny as the internet’s most oddly specific tarot reader. My TikTok bio would probably say something like: "Tarot? Sure. But also your migraine, that spicy dream, and why your cat is staring at the wall—let’s unpack it." Anyway, to whoever needed this reading: I hope it hit. Because Spirit made sure it would. Now go handle your business, close those cycles, and let me go journal about why I suddenly feel exposed by my own cards. Stay alive. 💋
#divination#intuitive readings#manifestationjourney#oracle cards#pick a card reading#pick a pile#spiritual awakening#tarot cards#tarot guidance#tarot love reading#tarot reading#tarotblr#trust the universe#intuitive messages#intuitive tarot reader#channelled message#devine feminine#karmic relationships#twinflame#soulmates
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Chapter 36 Have you left a seat for me?
Final chapter of Moonlight
A/N- The final chapter! but there will be an epilogue!!
Warning- some angst, FLUFF!!!! Talks of death and violence, SPOILERS!! FOR FUTURE EVENTS OF HOTD, USING FIRE AND BLOOD, long chapter.
Pairing- Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!fem-reader, Cregan Stark x Velaryon!fem-reader
Episode/Pages- Past 578
(If you want to be tagged let me know)
————
And there he is ever so gracefully under the moonlight, like a wild wolf admiring the beautiful moon. Only Cregan is very quietly watching over your son as he continues to talk to Alys, making sure that she doesn’t…cast a spell on him you assume? He is very wary of her because of what she can do.
“How is it going?” You interrupt his silence even though he already heard you approaching him since you were a few paces back.
“I do not know,” he shares as he peers over his shoulder and watches you break the barrier of space that was between you by wrapping your arms around his waist, and then pressing a kiss on his shoulder blade before resting your chin on his shoulder.
“He left dinner a while ago to come talk to her again,” he adds as he turns his head away to continue watching the pair distancing themselves from the Weirwood tree—“At least he hasn’t turned into a frog.”
You roll your eyes and gently knee the back of his leg, causing him to laugh breathlessly as he cups your hands wrapped around him before drifting his gaze to the corner of his eyes to be able to look at you.
“We can ask in the morning,” you try to assure him. “Just trust her okay? Has Alys given you a reason to distrust her? Alys likes the kids. All of them. If she didn’t she wouldn’t have agreed to help.”
Cregan hums in comprehension and then turns around to be able to look at you, letting you see his conflicted eyes brewing under the moonlight. “I tried talking to Jacaerys, but he brushed me off. Again.”
You watch the desperation in his eyes and lift your hand to stroke his jaw. “My love, he’s drinking right now and carried away with his brothers. Try again when he’s sober. Alright?”
Cregan nods his head and then lifts his hand to caress your arms. “I have been dropping my woes on you, how was your funeral?”
The softness taking ahold of your eyes fades and that sorrow and ache once again contorts your face. Cregan notices right away and interjects rapidly. “I am sorry I could not be at your side. I wanted to…”
“But Aemond would not have liked it,” you finish his sentence and move away from him to start leading him away from the Godswood. “So it’s okay. I already told you it was. Besides, the girls were at my side in your place.”
“And because they wanted to be there too,” he adds, causing you to respond with a small smile that tells him that you know that too.
“And I'm grateful for it…” You trail off and your smile fades whilst agony quickly takes over the sorrow as you think back to what Aerion said and did earlier.
“Do you think…I did something wrong to make Aerion and Daenys forsake their father?” You have to ask out of helplessness because what Aerion said has been gnawing at your mind all night and wounding your heart for Aemond— “You know I tried to keep our people from speaking ill of him when they lived in Winterfell, and I never talked bad about him to them either, but they still don’t acknowledge him. That’s why Daenys didn’t bother showing up for his funeral.”
Cregan glances at you and sees your distress and guilt clearly spewing out, making this conversation easier to navigate. “They know what you told them. They remember your efforts of painting him in a good light so they can look at him fondly, but, my darling, they are adults now and you cannot keep the world silent.”
Your frown deepens and you whisper. “I know.”
He swallows back nervously and continues to be brutal but honest. “They were going to learn about their father's doings and form their own opinion about him one way or another. Besides, they…didn’t know him as you did, so the good shared by one person cannot outweigh the bad written in history and shared by thousands.”
You draw in a shaky breath and nod, leaving a silence to spread between you and linger as you make your way to your dragon. Cregan doesn’t know that but he follows you anyhow with the silence not bothering him.
“One time,” you break the silence and keep the melancholy emotions running high. “A Red Priestess told me that three of my children would be followed by sin,” you pause and Cregan looks at you bewildered, not because he finds what you’re saying absurd, but because he can’t believe you seem to take words from the priestess so seriously.
“I have tried to break my head trying to figure out what she meant for so long…”
Cregan sighs out of annoyance but he doesn’t fail to amuse you. “What does it mean?” He probes.
You glance at the starry sky and share what you assume. “Daenerys is a bastard. We cannot deny that. We can't spin it any other way. She was created while I was married to Aemond,” you say with no actual guilt or distress because you don’t let that fact bother you anymore—“And Daenys and Aerion will always be overshadowed by the actions of their father and me. Kinslayers. Every time someone figures out who their parents are, that's the first thing that will come to mind. That sin.” Your voice breaks but tears don’t spill. You continue to look distressed.
“That should not bother you. They’re words of a witch. I have told you this many times.”
“But it does,” you retort and drop your eyes on him. “Because it’s what makes me a bad mother.”
Cregan lifts his eyebrow and leans his face towards you to whisper. “If you’re a bad parent then I am one too. I cannot talk to my sons and in turn, they don’t trust me enough to bear their sorrows on me. They think I hate them because I cannot simply talk to them. I am too cold. I am their Lord rather than their father, so don’t bear that burden alone.”
You hold his gaze and your eyes soften with awe as you let out a soft and relieved scoff. In turn, Cregan strokes your chin and then drags his hand up to caress your cheek, making you lean into his touch.
“I love you,” you remind him, making a warmth creep onto his cheeks and a timid smile tug on his lips.
“I love you too,” he doesn’t hesitate to redirect.
You hold his grey eyes for a second longer before you look ahead and pick up your speed as you walk past the castle gates and see Astraea curled up outside the wall since she’s too big to fit within the castle walls and too protective to stray far to find a nice open space to rest.
“<Look at you!>” You exclaim to your beloved dragon in High Valyrian and skip before you jog to her. “<Too worried to go far?>” You ask. “<Good girl,>” You coo as you reach Astraea and throw your arms around her snout.
This time Astraea fills her silence by letting out an affectionate growl. You proceed to caress her and press your forehead against her, choosing to leave it there for a moment, but then getting interrupted by the sound of a word that sends you in alert. “Mother.”
Your eyes snap open and you move away from Astraea without letting her go to follow the sound and that’s when you catch Jacaerys sitting against Astraea with a goblet in his hand that he lifts in the air for you, and Cregan walking up behind you.
“Father.”
You share a quick glance with Astraea and then let your hands slip to slowly approach Jacaerys. “I’m surprised you’re out here, Jace.”
He scoffs and takes a long drink of wine before he gives you his response. “Why? You should know I’m going to enjoy my last bits of freedom before I am forced to wither away at the Wall.”
You blink repeatedly out of nervousness and then you snap at him. “Jacaerys. We already talked. Don’t—”
“All for you father,” he cuts you off and pushes the cup toward Cregan slowly making his way to you and Jacaerys.
“Jacaerys.”
“It's alright,” Cregan assures you. “He may speak his mind.”
Jacaerys rolls his eyes away as he turns his head away. Cregan reaches where you are and pats your arm before walking past you to be closer to Jacaerys.
“Why are you mad at me, Jace?” Cregan asks, making your stomach knot with concern. Especially as Jacaerys keeps quiet for a while.
Astraea senses this and turns her head to gently tap your side with her snout so you can relax. And you do take a breath but you still feel worried. More so as Jacaerys finally meets his father's eyes.
“Because of you and this need to send me away to the Wall,” he finally snaps with his eyebrows quickly furrowing. “I may not be next in line to be Lord like Rickon or Maekor. I may not have dragon dreams like Torrhen, or be married to a lady with a powerful family, but have you ever thought about what I wanted and not what you wanted? Have you thought about the fact that wasting away with a bunch of old men is not what I consider honorable? It’s always, “It's an honor”, or “It’s your duty”, that I started to be someone that I wasn’t to believe it, but I’m tired. I do not want to be a Brother of the Night's watch. That’s not me.”
Cregan drops his head and places his arms on his hips, whilst Jacaerys glances over at you with a flicker of surprise over the fact that he just said all that to his father. And as Cregan remains quiet Jacaerys speechlessly asks for reassurance so you offer him a small nod and a gentle smile, letting him draw in a deep breath and return his attention to his father.
“Then what do you want, Jacaerys?” Cregan interjects as he lifts his eyes off the ground to look at Jacaerys without anger. It would be heard in his voice if he was angry.
“I,” said man pauses but not because he’s caught off guard or clueless. He just exhales and then continues. “I cannot have a dragon like mother, but maybe I want to sail and…see the world like Yi-Ti, or some other distant land. This world is big. I don't want to just waste away in some corner imagining what it might look like when I have the ability to actually know it.”
A proud smile spreads on your face as you hear your son's dream. One similar to the one you had once upon a time.
“It was told to me that a Stark always had to serve the Wall. With all your brothers having a place in this world, I placed that duty on you without taking your opinion under consideration. And maybe if your mother had been another woman I would have forced you, but…” Cregan pauses and looks back at you with an admiring smile. “I have heard your words before. I know that girl would want nothing more than to let you go and do what she couldn’t,” he says, making your smile tremble—“So go if you want Jace,” he directs back at his son. “Or stay. Follow your heart. Be free and keep dreaming in ways that girl couldn’t.”
Jacaerys eyes fall and you see his mind racing so you approach Cregan and hook your arm around his. He turns his head and presses a kiss on the top of your head.
“Mother…is it true?” Jacaerys questions since your past desires are something you haven’t shared with your kids. It’s been forgotten for a long time until now.
“Once. I always wanted more, but your father helped me see that I already had so much in what I was given. I just had to learn to see it and enjoy it. Besides…my place was always here. I learned that long ago, but your place…is wherever you want it to be because you don’t have the burdens we did…so be free Jace.”
Said man nods in comprehension and his breath shudders as he lowers his head again. Cregan takes this time to approach him and take a seat beside him without uttering a word. He just sits with his son, causing the boy to slowly look at his father with an appreciative smile.
Cregan slowly meets his gaze and offers a sweet smile in return, making your heart swoon as you watch the silent interaction from where you stand.
——
*A FEW DAYS LATER*
“<Trust me we’re getting out of here now,>” you assure Astraea since she’s not a fan of the Riverlands. “<But I do have to tell you that when we get to King’s Landing you’ll have to fly to Dragonstone. Aegon…” you breathe out as you stroke her face. “Is not a fan of you, so stay at Dragonstone until it’s time to leave okay?>”
Astraea, like always doesn’t respond, you know she listens but she can’t respond.
“Are you flying Astraea to Kings Landing?” You hear a voice travel into your ears, making your hands fall off Astraea to turn and face Torrhen joining you and your dragon in the field past the castle walls.
“Not yet. I don’t want to leave you all behind for two weeks,” you let him know and watch Astraea as she pushes herself up and crawls closer to Torrhen to nudge him gently.
“About that,” Torrhen brings up softly as he lays his eyes on Astraea. “I am going to stay with Alys. Just until you make your way back this way. After that, I am leaving back home with you.”
You blink in surprise and then your eyebrows knot together. “Are you…sure? You don’t want to go see your sister? Or your uncles?”
Torrhen's grey eyes slowly find you and he sighs before he explains his reasoning. “I would like to, but I have been learning so much from Alys, and she still has a lot to teach me. I don’t want to waste this opportunity, not while my mind is still rampant. I still cannot make sense of what I see, but…the weight of them is not as heavy anymore and it’s thanks to her.”
Your confusion and concern falls and the corner of your lips show your amusement as it rises. “And you didn’t want to talk to her,” you remark teasingly, making him laugh under his breath.
“Maybe after this, I can be unburdened by my dreams and visions and be carefree like her,” he adds, causing you to fall serious and close the space between you to wrap your hand around his arm and gently caress him.
“If that's what you believe then stay,” you assure him since even if he wasn’t asking, he was still seeking your opinion without demanding it. “And then come home,” you press, but quickly break into a smile to let him know you’re not all that serious about demanding him home.
“Or don’t. If that’s what you want. I will be sad, but it is normal.”
Torrhen shows his pity, but he quickly consoles you. “My place is still at home. Do not worry.”
You scoff and nod lightly in comprehension before you let go of his arm and offer him a sweet smile. “Stay then, and after…talk to your father? Him and Jacaerys talked, so maybe you can try talking with him now.”
Torrhen sees the desperation and the plea in your eyes so even if he’s hesitant he tries to please you. “I will try. I swear.”
You let out a breath of relief and when he notices the change on your face he flashes you a faint smile before he licks his lips and tries to share his concern. “Will you be okay when you return to King's Landing?”
You have returned to King’s Landing many times already, so going shouldn’t bring you so much conflict, but you still grow stiff and nervously avert your gaze. “I always am,” you respond in a stiff voice and then drift your eyes over to him to offer him a faint smile to go with your response.
“Now,” you avoid going deeper into that conversation since he knows more than anyone you're depressing history with King’s Landing. “See us off?”
Torrhen doesn’t deny your request, he happily lets you hook your arm around him to return to the castle side by side.
The moments that follow aren’t eventful, you stick to your schedule and depart from Harrenhal to head to King’s Landing whilst also leaving Torrhen behind with Alys with no protests from anyone. Then again what could they say? Even if this would be his first time being alone away from home, he’s a man grown trying to make sense of his abilities. It’s best to leave him be so he can get his help.
Besides, the further you get away from Harrenhal and your youngest child, the less you worry about him and the more that you feel distressed by returning to King's Landing, the land where you once lived your life for fifteen years.
Happy memories were made there. Good memories you cherish, but the grief, agony, torment, and the violence that you lived through there is what makes itself present every time you think about King’s Landing and every single time you've returned because it’s a constant reminder of what you lost. Just like Dragonstone. Albeit you can actually step foot in King’s Landing, you cannot and have not returned to Dragonstone—Even if it’s been twenty-five years since your mother died.
Time was supposed to heal you. Turn your wounds into scars, and then distant and faded memories, alas, the moment you arrive to the great capital and lay your eyes on the amazing Red Keep, you curse everyone who said such a stupid thing because twenty-five years since your mother's death, twenty-six years since Aemond’s death, and twenty-seven years since the war started has not passed in your heart or your mind. The memories and the anguish are not vivid anymore, but the scar hurts, and the ache is a reminder of what you no longer have.
At least there is happiness and light in the family you do have living here though. They keep the storm at bay and break a smile on your face.
“Grandmother!” The sweet little sing-song voice of Naerys rings as she breaks out of formation and makes her way to you.
You beam right away as you see your young granddaughter running to you and meet her halfway to quickly sweep her off her feet and hold her against you. “Hello, my little songbird,” you coo as you hug her tightly. “How are you feeling, hm?” You ask right away.
“Oh grandmother I have missed you,” she lets you know before she pulls back to face you with her sweet blue eyes. “I am better.”
You grin brighter. “I’m glad to hear it. And for that, your grandfather and I have brought you a present.”
The little girl's eyes brighten as she grows giddy. “What is it? Where is it?” She asks and looks past your shoulder.
“With your grandfather. You’ll have to wait for him to get here,” you tell her, making her even more eager to know. “Now let’s put you down—”
“Hey! Where is Astraea going?!” Another young voice interjects, making you drift your eyes down to see your grandson Aemon running past you to watch Astraea fly away with a pout—“I wanted to ride her,” he complains as he crosses his arms over his chest whilst you put Naerys down and approach him from behind.
“Forgive me little one. I don’t want to distress your uncle Aegon, so she has to leave,” you tell Aemon, Daenys’ oldest child with her husband and your brother Viserys, making Naerys their youngest child and Aemon’s sister.
“Well,” Aemon huffs and turns around to face you. “Then can you promise that I will ride her with you before you leave?” He pleads and bats his eyes, making you touch your chest and melt.
“Of course, I promise, but first,” you add and crouch to be at his level. “Why don’t you show me some love, hm?”
The little boy grins brightly and then throws his arms around you, causing Naerys to join in and throw her little arms around you too.
“Oh, how I’ve missed you all. You’ve grown so much since I last saw you,” you mutter as you embrace them against you.
“I lost a tooth since we saw each other last,” Aemon shares as he peels back to show the gap where his tooth is meant to be. “Because Aegon pushed me during training.”
You stroke his chin and whisper. “Did you get a coin for that tooth?”
Aemon closes his mouth a nods, causing you to flash him one last smile before you let Naerys go and stand to your given height to turn around and face your daughter Daenys.
Once your eyes are on her, much like her daughter, she breaks from formation and makes her way to you as you make your way to her to meet each other halfway with an embrace.
“I am sorry I could not go to Harrenhal,” Daenys chooses to make that the first thing she still tells you without knowing that her brother already told you the real reason why she chose not to go.
Albeit you don’t bring it up. Like with her brother, you let her be angry and have her own emotions toward her father. Instead, you caress her back and assure her. “It’s alright. I understand. I’m just glad Naerys is okay and I could make it here to see you.”
Without needing to see her you know Daenys is smiling timidly and that’s all you need from her to let the ordeal go.
“When do the others get here? Is Alysanne coming?” She asks as you both pull away from each other and hold each other's hands.
“She is. And they should be here by the end of the day.”
Her smile widens at the sound of the news, making you stroke her cheek before you move to greet your brother Viserys, who was thought of as dead for a while, but a few years after peace was officially announced throughout the realm, a family from Lys sailed to Westeros with him aboard to bring him back home. With conditions of course, but alas, that condition abandoned Viserys a year after she had their son Aegon the Fourth.
After that condition left is when Daenys and Viserys married, out of duty, but also because they grew a liking to each other as Daenys was the Queen’s Lady-in-waiting.
“Vis,” you greet sweetly and don’t greet him with an embrace, instead you cup the back of his neck and offer him a sweet smile that he mirrors with a charm added to it.
“Sister. I’m happy to see you and I know our brother Aegon is eager too, but…” he trails off and you finish for him.
“Astraea. Yes, I assumed. How are you?”
He shrugs. “I have no reason to complain. My daughter made it out of her illness and you are here with the rest of our family soon to join…Aerion is coming, yes?”
You giggle and nod. “Of course.”
His smile grows wider and he nods in comprehension. After that, you step to the side and look down at the little boy standing beside him.
“Hello, Aegon.”
Said boy offers you a faint tight-lipped smile, but that’s it. He doesn’t mirror his siblings' excitement, so you move on to greet the Queen, Daenaera Velaryon, one of your cousins, and the second wife to your brother Aegon after Jaehaera sadly passed away not long after she was crowned Queen and before she and Aegon could have children.
Daenaera is sweet and charming. Kind and understanding which is why you were comfortable greeting your grandchildren, daughter, and brother first, because she doesn’t mind it and because to her your title as the Dowager Queen commands more respect, so she lets you be, plus she knows you’ll never leave her out, and you don’t. After you greet her, you then greet her children standing at her side, but then hastily return to her to touch her expecting belly since you treat her like you do your brothers, with affection and warmth.
Once that greeting is over nevertheless, as all the noise of your welcome has calmed down, you make your way to a drawing room in the royal apartments. One that you would spend your time at with your mother and brothers. One where the setting sun would shine through the balcony window and bask your mother ever so perfectly, making her look ethereal and angelic as she listened to you read your books in Valyrian, or sing a song.
You always liked the end of the day in that room because of that detail. You looked forward to it every day because it was always so warm and comforting. She was always so warm and comforting…
When you're there now, all that's gone, leaving only a sad memory. Thus your exhale is heavy and not relaxed, and when a knock raps on the door you expect to see someone who’s been dead a long time, but instead you see your brother Aegon walking in so you quickly get up and curtsy. “Your Grace,” you greet, and right away Aegon puts his hands out and interjects.
“Please, you do not have to do that when we’re alone. You’re the Dowager Queen. I owe you my respects,” he says and then offers you a small bow, making you giggle before you make your way around the couch to reach him.
“Dowager Queen or not you are still my King,” you argue, causing him to lower his head and then shake it.
“Perhaps but I prefer to be your brother first,” he counters and you sigh before taking his hands in yours.
“Alright…sweet brother. I’m glad to see you.”
He lifts his solemn blue eyes off the floor to meet your gaze, causing a shuddering breath to escape through your nose as a memory of your mother flashes in your mind. Aegon doesn’t look like your mother, he doesn’t have her eyes or the same color hair. His hair is also pin straight and he’s impressively tall and lean, but even so, as you look into the eyes of the little brother who was with you when your mother died, you see her in him for a fraction of a second.
“And I you,” he redirects as he gently rubs the back of your hands with his thumbs. “Is your dragon…”
“Gone?” You cut him off and then nod. “She flew to Dragonstone. She’ll stay there until it’s time to leave, so you can rest easy.”
He nods stiffly in comprehension and you proceed to take a long look at his thin face, noticing he looks a bit thinner than usual. “Aegon, my sweet, have you been eating?” You ask and he pulls his hands away and nods quickly as if to brush you off.
“Quite well in fact,” he dismisses you and makes his way over to the couch to take a seat, making you walk back to sit beside him.
“Why do you come here first every time you come to King's Landing?” He cuts the other conversation short. “I always mean to ask, but I always forget.”
You intertwine your fingers together and exhale deeply as if trying to work up the courage to share the reason. As if it was costly to your scarred heart. “Uh…when I was a little girl I used to come here with our brothers and mother…”
Aegon shifts slightly at the sound of the memory but you continue.
“…it was not every evening, just some, but we would spend time here whether it be playing, talking about our day, and or doing some different activity, but,” you pause and your eyes flicker to your hands as the memory becomes more vivid than before. “One of my favorite things to do was read or sing to our mother right here on this couch because when the sun was setting it would peek through the balcony doors and all the windows and kiss her ever so gracefully, making her look…absolutely breathtaking, so I would admire her and hope every time that I would grow up to be as beautiful as her…” you trail off and peel your hands away from each other to gently rub the couch before finding the strength to look at him without feeling like you’ll cry.
However, you notice that Aegon is teary-eyed, so you reach over for his hand and cradle it.
“I wish I could have seen that,” he mutters and averts his gaze. “I wish I had been born earlier so I had more time with her like you and our brothers did.”
You give his hand a soft squeeze, causing his eyes to pull back to you and catch your pitiful smile.
“I try to talk to Viserys about our mother, or our father, but…he doesn’t remember how they look like or actually hold a single memory about our life before, so I’m alone in my grief until you’re here.”
If only he knew how alone you felt in your grief whether it was with him, or without him over the simple fact that he never lived in the earlier years when you still lived with your mother and brothers. But you don’t tell him that to avoid breaking his heart.
“If you ever want to talk you can send me a raven,” you remind him. “I’ll answer as soon as I can or even fly here if need be.”
He giggles softly and you can’t help but smile before you drag yourself closer to him and share a small story about your mother since he loves hearing them. Albeit there was a time when he was a boy that he wanted nothing to do with you because of the fact that you left; he was so livid that you left him all on his lonesome, but when he got older and a bit mature he figured out that you left because you had your duty to your husband and your family, and well…older sisters eventually have to leave their little brothers behind to live their lives. He was never aware of the fact that you couldn’t continue living here, and you would never tell him.
“One time when I was a little girl, as you know, I liked going down to the platform by the sea,” you begin your story, sparking eagerness within him to know more.
“I liked to sneak away from my Septa’s, and our mother never got me in trouble even if she was told to, but,” you giggle. “She got curious as to where I always ran off to one day, so she followed me without my knowledge. Every step I took, she took in secret without making a peep. She was rather sneaky. Eventually, when I reached the platform, she came up behind me as I reached my straw man and announced her presence so abruptly that she frightened me so badly that I fell over the ledge with my straw man falling under me, breaking my fall, but not shielding me from the wave that crashed over me. So I got soaked, and after our mother helped me back to stable ground she laughed…and I laughed with her.”
A smile tugs on Aegon’s lips before he laughs softly, making his shoulders shake and his solemn eyes spark with a flicker of joy.
That reaction makes you laugh with him, giggle in fact as you watch him and admire the way he laughs because it’s so rare to hear. You have to grasp and internalize the scraps you’re given. However in doing so, even though the sun is not seeping through the balcony door and all the drawing rooms windows, sunbeams still find their way inside and cast Aegon in its illuminating hue, making his usually dark blue eyes gleam brightly, and making him appear as beautiful as you mother looked when she was basked by the same sun.
For the first time in twenty-five years since her death, for a fraction of a second, your mother was in the same quarters as you in the body of her son. And then…as fast as that second same, she left and you were orphaned all over again.
——
*SOMETIME LATER*
After some time of being in King's Landing, it’s finally time to leave, and yes, you’ll miss your brothers, your daughter, and your grandchildren, but besides the memories that haunt you, this place is not as grandeur as you once believed. Thus you’re eager to leave with Alysanne to the Riverlands until she gives birth—albeit you will miss the sea; it’s so far from Winterfell...
Nevertheless, before you can even attempt to leave, you enter your chambers to grab what you need before you meet up with Daenys and Aerion, but as you come across your bed; you see that there's a rather long and wide gift box sitting on the bed.
You look around in confusion before you approach the gift box and notice a small square folded note attached to the ribbon that has your name neatly written on it.
Cregan comes to mind, but he has not eluded to gifting you something. He usually would, but he hasn’t and neither have any of your children, so, you eagerly grab the note to see who it could be from.
“Dear sister,
I found one of Mother’s gowns so I had it tailored for you so you could cherish and wear it. And that’s not at all, in my search I also found one of her rings and I noticed that you fidget with your rings the same way she did, so I had it customized for you.
From,
Aegon.”
Whether you wanted to or not, tears run out of your eyes without warning and stream down the curve of your cheeks whilst your heart dances with pure bliss. You try to open the gift box, but all you can do is put the note down before you start sobbing, and your heart starts aching out of genuine bliss.
You can hardly breathe for quite a while so you have to sit down and catch your breath first before you wipe the tears off your face and pull the box onto your lap. More tears do quickly well up in your eyes, but you ignore them and pull on the ribbon to loosen it and put it aside before you open the box. Thin paper presides over the gown so you yank it off and when you lay your eyes on the black and crimson gown you break down again, but to avoid staining the gown with tears you cover your face to cry into your hands.
After a few more tears you pull your hands away to wipe them off your face and then wipe your hands on your thighs before grabbing a small velvet box that was placed on top of the gown.
Of course, more tears stream down your face and your shoulders tremble as you take in the simple yet beautiful gold ruby ring that once belonged to your beloved mother.
After she fled the city and after she died you never thought you’d find any of her things. Most of the smallfolk took off with the jewelry and the clothes she had to leave behind, leaving only a few things behind, so you didn’t have much until now. And it’s all thanks to your sweet melancholy brother, Aegon.
You smile at your gifts and gently smooth out the gown. You would wear it right away, but the day is coming to an end so you’ll have to save it for later. As for the ring, well, you wear that now and get surprised when it fits just right.
You proceed to linger on the edge of the bed after that with the things resting on your lap until you feel like it doesn’t look like you’ve been sobbing uncontrollably. After that, you set the gift box down on the bed again and grab what you came here for before meeting up with your children.
As expected they’re already waiting for you where you told them to with quite the impatient look painted on their faces.
“Mother,” Daenys complains as she unfolds her arms. “Where have you been? We’ve been waiting here for ages.”
You snicker and roll your eyes as you walk past the pair, catching the way Aerion tries to study your face as evidence that you’ve been crying still remains on your face.
“Mother,” Aerion speaks up as he trails right behind you. “Are you alright?”
You hum in agreement and unlatch the tall windows to push them open and reveal the roofs. The same roofs that Aemond and you would escape to when you were children—“Come,” you urge them and step out of the window to stand on the roofs.
“Mother,” Daenys calls out. “Are you mad? What are you doing?!”
“Just come on,” you brush off her panic and lead them away from the window and around the corner where no windows decorate the walls so you aren’t seen. Aerion and Daenys are hesitant to follow, you almost believe that they won’t follow you, but eventually, you see them peeking around the corner.
“Mother,” Aerion calls out now with worry, but you just pat the empty spots beside you.
The siblings look at each other with concern but Daenys takes the risk and falls by your side, Aerion lingers behind cautiously, so you interject with amusement. “We will not fall, trust me. I have done this hundreds of times.”
“I believe you,” Daenys mutters and raises her head to peek over the ledge.
“We will not stay long,” you assure them, and then turn around to dig into the bag that you brought with you and pull out things they have not seen before.
Aerion notices that you’re pulling things out of your bag so he carefully makes his way over to join you and his sister. “This is completely unsafe,” he mutters. “You are meant to safeguard us, not put us in harm's way.”
You snort and cover the things by pulling back a thin layer of your gown. “I fought in a battle with your sisters in my belly, and have taken you on dragonback when you were babes. I am not someone who takes safety as my priority, besides, you will be fine. Unless you’re reckless. Are you?”
Aerion carefully takes a seat beside you and then shakes his head and deadpans. “No.”
You shrug to brush him off and then move along with the matter at hand. “I brought you here today because when we were in the capital together a few years back, I…never took your feelings toward your father under consideration. I worried about my own grief and my own loss that I disregarded yours and thought lies that I would only recently uncover. So now that the three of us are here I summoned you to a…rather unexpected place, but it’s a place where Aemond and I would come to when we were kids. So it’s special.”
Aerion and Daenys share another quick glance before their eyes fall on your lap as you yank off the layer of your gown to show what you brought.
“This,” you continue to speak before they have the thought of interrupting and pick up a hand-carved wooden siren. “Is a siren your father carved me when he was a boy. He lacked a dragon so he picked up other talents, and whittling was one of them.”
You put the siren down and grab the heart-shaped book that holds songs and ballads in Valyrian. “This,” you move on to the book. “Is a rare book of ballads and songs he scoured the earth for because he knew how much I loved to sing in Valyrian, and well, he really liked it when I sang in our mother tongue.” You giggle and pass the book to Aerion since he’s more musically inclined than Daenys.
“And this,” you move on to the third thing made of glimmering gold and beautiful gems. “Is a circlet inspired by one of my favorite ancestors, Daenys the Dreamer. He,” you pause and draw in a deep breath to calm your racing heart—“he had this done like one Daenys wore in a drawing of her in one of the history books because he knew how much I looked up to her. It was after I had you, Aerion.”
Said man sits in silence for a moment and when he returns the book to your lap he quips, “expecting a girl?”
You smile bashfully. “Desired a girl, yes, but we were still rejoiced when we had you…he really did love you Aerion, and you too Daenys. He never got to meet you, but he loved you. He cared about you both,” you finally share what you came here to say as you put the circlet down to give them your attention.
“If he really did love us like you say,” Aerion cuts in while Daenys remains quiet—“he would have tried harder to make it back to us, but he fought and died. He left and died.”
You nod rapidly. “Yes. Yes, don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I was furious too? I was left widowed with three children. Newborn twins and an infant. I was mad too Aerion, because he died after he promised that it was just us in this world that mattered. Him and me…Me and him, but he left with only traces of him to haunt me.”
“Then perhaps he should have fought harder,” Aerion continues to be hard-headed as he pouts down at the surface beneath his feet.
“I…” you trail on with tears pricking in the corner of your eyes. “I was angry at my father once too. I forsook him because he left too. I carried that hate in my heart because I was betrayed by him and my mother. All I felt pulsing through me was my anger, so I know, I know some of that resentment you hold for your own father, but as someone who went through that, as someone who knew how much Aemond loved and cared for you both, I just want you to change your perspectives. Open your hearts and accept a little piece of him at least.”
“But,” Daenys’ sweet voice finally fills your ears. “He was a monster. You have your scar to prove it.”
“And you have a new part of the city to prove my sins,” you defend him by shedding light on your own wrongdoings. “He did bad things, yes, but I did too. Everyone who fought in that war did bad things, some worse than the others, but it was done. It doesn’t make him any less of your father. It doesn’t take away that he still loved you.”
“But you have your life to make up for it,” Aerion argues, making your eyes drift to him. “And you raised us. You were here and made sure that we did not only think of the bad parts when we thought of you. When I think about Aemond…I see the death, destruction, and pain he left behind.”
“Because,” you pause and drop your head to fiddle with the wooden siren. “That’s what you hear. That’s what they all say about him, but he was much more than that. He,” you laugh softly and with a fond smile. “He would watch you sleep to make sure you were breathing when you slept. He went out to make sure you found your dragon so you didn’t feel ostracized like he did. He was selfish, but that made his love that more passionate.”
“I wish…we had memories together,” Daenys whispers in such a way that can only be heard if you’re sitting next to her, so you barely catch what she said—“Not just words spoken by you and others. That’s why it makes seeing him as a monster easier because I can’t even dream of him. At least Aerion can cling onto that, but me…I only have his name and trinkets that have no meaning to me.”
You look at her with pity and you catch tears crawling out of her eyes, but she’s quick to wipe them away.
“I am sorry, my Sweet,” is all you can offer her besides the wooden siren he had made for you—“keep it. It was made by his own hands. It’s not him, but it’s something made by him.”
Daenys carefully takes the siren and looks at you with worry. “Are you sure?” She asks.
You nod and pat her hand. “Positive.”
With a faint smile, Daenys looks down at the hand-carved siren, assuring you without words that she will try to look at her father under a different light, leaving you to seek Aerion’s response to all this now.
“You can’t ask me to forgive him just like that,” Aerion says and tries to hide his quiver.
“Nor will I ask you to,” you reassure him as you take his hand in yours. “Just change your prescriptive.”
Aerion takes a deep breath and then shudders. “I’ll try.”
A relieved look unfurls on your face and you squeeze his hand. “That’s all I want. Monster to man.”
Aerion meets your gaze and shares a faint nod, causing you to raise your hand to stroke his cheek and look into his striking blue eyes for a second longer before you look away and watch the horizon with contentment just like you would so long ago.
Life has been hard. It is still hard sometimes, but you can admit that you know what peace means now. You’re not falling into any abyss. You know happiness, you can find it in every member of your family. You know love, and it’s true you miss so many people, but their loss is not like being pierced in the heart or getting it torn and shattered, it aches when you remember the good moments, but you’ve preserved through your agony and grief, and that’s your greatest achievement because you can love again. You can smile with your lips and your eyes, and you can enjoy the sun's warm embrace as it seems to shine just for you as you dip your feet in the sand and let the salty sea waves crash over your feet on the morning of the day you have to leave King’s Landing.
Everyone else is barely starting to stir awake because you made it your mission to get up as the sun was rising to find serenity by the sea before you left.
Albeit there is one presence who does join you in your moment of solitude, but they don’t announce themselves. They watch you from afar as the sun completely shines just for you, kissing your skin, and making your silver-white hair glimmer like untouched snowflakes on fields of snow.
They can’t see your face since they’re behind you, but they know you well, they can picture your blissful smile as clear as day as you take in the sun and welcome the cold touch of the water. Perhaps—no, this is the best part about departing from the North and visiting King’s Landing and or visiting Driftmark, they get to see you completely enamored by the sea as if you were a mythical creature parted from their home. It’s always breathtaking to see and be a part of it that they don’t want to move from where they are, but after a while of stillness, you’re the one who looks over your shoulder with your smiling gaze.
“Come. Join me,” you wave Cregan over and his lips show off a fascinated smile before he breaks away from his spot and joins your side unable to part his eyes away from your face.
“What?” You quiere with a giddy smile. “Will you dive with me this time? Just a few miles offshore. I swear it this time.”
Cregan’s smile softens and his eyes darken as his pupils dilate even bigger as you’re all that reflects over his gaze.
“You are and have always been my heart's keeper,” he interjects assertively and catches you off guard. “Everywhere you go my heart follows. Even in death, where the sea meets the edge of tomorrow.”
Your breath catches in your throat and you look as if this is the first time he’s ever made such a passionate confession, when in truth he has never stopped reminding you how much he loves you. Physically and with sweet and romantic words. You're the one who lacks in reminding him sometimes, but your heart has never faltered, it has only grown fonder.
“And you, are the reason I am here,” you now offer him a confession of your own filled with just as much passion. “You are the reason my heart beats and why I draw in air. You are my morning and evening star. My light and the color that forbids me from looking at the world in black in white. Everything about you fascinates me, from the inner markings of your soul to your stormful grey eyes.”
Cregan scoffs softly as he stands in disbelief, causing you to react by cradling his cheeks to close the space between you. He follows by wrapping his hand around the back of your neck and pushing you to him to rest your foreheads against each other and just breathe in and be in each other's presence under the shining sun, and by the peaceful blue sea.
——
*SEVERAL YEARS LATER*
A loud gasp escapes your lips as your heart jolts and your eyes spring open. However, you’re quickly forced to shield your eyes from the blinding light that shines before you, letting your other senses take in your surroundings instead, like your ears, that catch the sound of louder chatter, laughter, and music in High Valyrian. Your nose also kicks in and you smell freshly made strawberry tarts, roasted pig, and every other traditional Valyrian food that you love.
But it’s weird because the last thing you remember is…getting swallowed by darkness. It was slightly terrifying, but you couldn’t resist its call, you let it take you…here…
You slowly pull your hand down and open your eyes, catching at that moment, the sight of your hands missing the wrinkles that once marked your skin to proudly show off how long you’ve lived. Now besides seeing the expensive and extravagant jewelry decorating your hands and fingers, you see that your hands look like they did when you were a young adult…
You would ask yourself why and start to panic, but as your surroundings come into focus you realize that you’re in a corridor you don’t recognize, but one still so familiar that doesn’t let you feel estranged. You feel at home like this is where you were meant to be the whole time. It’s why your jolting heart that had started to race calms down to a relaxed beat.
That’s not all, the bright light that once blinded you is not actually before you, but casting through the colorful stained glass set on the stone walls that all tell a story of…your Targaryen ancestors. Every major event that you read in books or got told is told on the glass, even the past you lived through.
You see a visual summary of the war, the dragons that fell, and the family that got torn apart. It’s there and as tempted as you are to walk to it to admire it from up close, the commotion coming from behind the tall doors ahead of you is more tempting, so you break away from the spot you woke up from, walk past grand stone dragon heads sitting at the sides of the doors, and without hesitation you push the doors open, catching sight of the beautiful lilac gown on your body made of your favorite silk from Yi-Ti, and catching sight of your long white-silver hair flowing past you with the swift movement.
Yet what does the sight of a beautiful gown and unique colored hair hold compared to what you see in front of you, the marvelous and breathtaking sight of so many different people, all whom you know in your heart have Targaryen and Velaryon blood running through them just like you. They’re all your family…every body and soul is your family that once lived…just like you…That’s right…you’re dead and now you’re…yet in another space you don’t recognize, but it doesn’t feel at all strange; not with the warm setting sun embracing your figure, or the sight of your family.
You could melt with all the heartwarming bliss you’re already filled with, however, before you can melt, the sound of your name breaks through the commotion, snapping your attention straight ahead.
Albeit you don't catch a thing. The sound of your name continues to be called though so you walk down the stairs and go toward the crowd. Before you can make an attempt to break through though, none other than Jacaerys and Lucerys come out, catching you off guard and paralyzing you right where you are.
“Jace,” you breathe out with your eyes set wide with bewilderment and fascination. “Luke.”
The pair look at one another with a teasing smile before they both offer you heart-warming smiles that you start to mirror as your eyes immediately brim with hot tears.
“Jace…Luke,” you call out again and then laugh, making them flash you a grin before they giggle too and set off toward you, causing you to break away from your spot and run at them. When you meet each other halfway you can’t contain your excitement, you jump on them and they don’t fail to catch you or laugh with you the moment you’re wrapped in each other's embrace.
Nothing is said when you’re tangled in each other's arms; no witty remark, and no funny joke, nothing is passed between you but a comfortable silence as the three of you take in the fact that you’re together again. After so much longing, you’re together again and nothing will tear you apart ever again.
“Mother!”
Your eyes snap open and ahead of you comes Alysanne; the girl who reintroduced you to an agonizing grief when she died after the birth of her first child. Following at her side is your eldest boy, your Aerion who died alongside his step-brother Rickon as they fought a war his cousin Daeron started against Dorne.
They were both gone from your life for so long. You mourned their death until your dying breath because losing children was a different and more painful heartbreak than you had felt before. Alas, there they are and every muscle in your body takes you to them right away.
“<My loves,>” you mewl in High Valyrian as you embrace the both of them the same way you embraced your brothers so you wouldn’t leave either of them out.
“<Mother,>” Alysanne cries as she's overcome with emotion. “It's been so long.”
“I’m here now my darling,” you console her as you rub her back. “I’m here.”
Alysanne nods, you can feel her head moving as she welcomes your comfort as if that’s what she’s been needing since she died.
“Oh,” you gasp and step back to turn around and face your brothers. “I’m assuming you know my brothers, your uncles. Jacaerys and Lucerys.”
“Yes, we do,” Aerion lets you know while Lucerys confirms with a nod.
“Don't worry we’ve been looking out for them since they got here,” Lucerys offers you some consolation, making you smile brightly.
“Not that we needed looking out for,” Alysanne quips. “But we’ve been together all this time. We hardly separate.” She says with the corner of her lips perking up.
“Because mother hardly lets them out of her sight,” Jacaerys interjects and your curiosity piques while every single thought becomes about her.
“Mother…” you mouth and let your children go to step forward and probe. “Where is she?”
Jacaerys’ eyes point forward, past the bodies of your children, so you turn around swiftly as if afraid your mother would disappear, and as if intertwined with each other's thoughts, the dancing crowd in front of you begins to drift away, making a path that leads you to the middle of the floor where your mother is under the twinkling candlelight.
She doesn’t spot you right away, it’s not until she probably feels you staring that she turns and steals your breath when your eyes lock together.
“Mama,” your voice quivers and your heart skips a beat as the commotion around you drowns out, the dancing light all over the room dims except for the lights above her, making her the center of all your attention, and making her beauty that much more enchanting to your eye.
Maybe it is because you haven’t seen her in so long, but something about her just glows.
“Mama,” you say again and start moving toward her with a wobbly smile tugging on your lips and tears flying past you.
Your mother doesn’t lack a reaction; her lips part slightly as her eyes glimmer at the sight of you. She doesn’t keep still either, the moment you make your way toward her she comes after you too, letting you meet in the middle of the hall with a tight embrace that connects your hearts and finally feeds that yearning they felt for each other's connection once again.
“<Oh my sweet,>” she coos as she cradles the back of your head and keeps you close.
“<Mama,>” you keep saying as you weep happy tears, feeling the world around you completely disappear, leaving only you and her in the large hall.
No more yearning and no need to strain your mind to remember how she looked or how she smelled. You’re together again, drawing in her calming scent, and basking in the comfort and warmth only she could provide.
You died an old lady, but here, now, with her and the others you’re the age you were mere days before the war started, that brief period where you were endlessly happy and you had it all; your brothers, your son, Aemond, and your mother.
“<We have all eternity together now,>” she assures you, making you beam and grip onto her tighter.
“<And I’m glad for it. Thank you for looking out for my children. Thank you for loving them while I was gone.>”
She scoffs softly. “<I would do it all for your children because they’re my grandchildren too, so there’s nothing to thank me for…you did good my sweet. I’m so proud of you.>”
You nuzzle your face in the crook of her neck and pamper her with more tears.
“Someone’s been waiting for you,” she interjects, pulling you away from her to look her in the eyes, but not ask who because the moment those words leave her mouth, you think about one person. Thus without asking and without guidance of any guide you let her go and drift away from her to head toward the tall windows that decorate the massive stone walls.
The people around you make way for you without needing to be told, or at least you don’t care to excuse yourself because you’re so consumed by the thought of him; of seeing him, of touching him, and being in his arms again. So much so that when you finally make it past the sea of people and find him outside the window sitting on the roof and watching the sun go down, you stop breathing. Your heart feels like it stops beating and the entire world around you freezes except for him, Aemond.
Just like with your mother, there’s no need to say his name, he turns around and your eyes meet, making sparks fly, and reviving your heart. Whilst his jaw drops and his eyes widen while he slowly stands up.
When he starts moving, your legs move in unison, and after breaking every single barrier of space that was keeping you apart, you throw your arms around each other to bring each other as close as you can manage to be without being in each other's skin.
This time unlike the others there’s no words exchanged because no amount of words can explain how enthralled you both are for being reunited. The longing looks speak for themselves when you pull away at arm's length to take in the sight of each other. The matching breaths share how in sync you are, and the smile your faces hold share how connected your souls are.
Still, he gently cups your cheek, and you cradle his face, taking note that he looks the same age he was when you were the happiest; that moment in time before the war, where you had it all. He chose that moment too, leaving you both to be forever young.
“<Me and you,>” he mutters and pulls you toward him to crash his lips on your forehead.
“<You and me,>” you echo and smile tenderly as your heart feels forever content now.
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A/N- Lived to watch her family die and then outlived her younger brothers and two of her children…
Tagged- @namelesslosers @stargaryenx @chainsawsangel @lauftivy @winxschester @cloudroomblog @llarue @padsdarlg @sofietargaryen @gracielikegrapes @dreaming-of-the-reality @itzelpeyton @patdsinner33 @mrsdominickstark @elaena-aerrin @todoroki-slut @snh96 @urmomsgirlfriend1 @nifujiswhore @sweethoneyblossom1 @kaetastic @lightdragonrayne @squidscottjeans @oh-you-mean-me @wallacewillow0773638 @icefrye19 @thescottpack @fiction-fanfic-reader @crazymusicgirl104 @r-3dlips @strangersunghoon @just-pure-trash @ethereal-athalia @missyviolet123 @callsignwidow @xunquish-blog @tabathastan @weepingfashionwritingplaid @answer-the-sirens @silverlightsaber @rosey1981 @amortentiaaaa
#fanfiction#damn-stark#moonlight#house of the dragon fanfiction#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd fanfiction#fire and blood#chapter 36#cregan stark#cregan stark fanfiction#cregan stark x reader#cregan stark x you#cregan stark x y/n#cregan stark x female reader#cregan stark x targaryen!reader#cregan stark x velaryon!reader#cregan stark x fem!reader#aemond targaryen#aemond targaryen fanfiction#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen x you#aemond targaryen x female reader#aemond targaryen x targaryen!reader#aemond targaryen x velaryon!reader#aemond targaryen x fem!reader#rhaenyra targaryen#jacaerys velaryon#lucerys velaryon#aegon iii targaryen
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It’s not a Reunion if you never left
Pairing: Ekko x gn!reader ( lovers, to enemies to lovers)
Tags + Warnings: No specific description of R; R has a gun; R and Ekko were dating in childhood (teenagers); ANGST/COMFORT -> SUGGESTIVE AT THE END
A/n: So what I realised is that you guys don’t like angst as much as I do, so I’ll give you the ‘fluff’ you deserve *wink wink* PLUS WHATS IMPORTANT FOR THE PLOT, EKKO AND R ARE A BIT OLDER IN THE STORY (22-23 YEARS OLD). CHILDHOOD MEMORIES -> (14-15 YEARS OLD)
Ekko knew too much about death and sacrifices, knew too much of all of the things Zaunites had to go through, he knew it because he, as well, lived it all through.
But when he saw you? You, the person he adored so much as a teenager. You, his childhood lover, the person he thought would be with him forever, you, that somehow disappeared or died… he didn’t know if his eyes were playing tricks.
It was like seeing a ghost, seeing a person so familiar and yet seeing a complete stranger. You were still the same, but not quite how he remembered. Your face got a lot slimmer, your hair changed, and the clothes that were obviously made by you were hanging loosely on your form.
But your eyes.. the windows to life itself seemed so dim, the colour seemed to be so dark, your expression so harsh and rough, just like you now in general.
Eight years really did something to you, and even if he didn’t know what happened, he still felt the same tug to you, the feeling only you could radiate. The aura of acceptance and understanding was so foreign in Zaun, so whenever Ekko had the chance, he would bask in your presence, knowing that whatever that would happen, you could make it right. And then.. it all ended when you disappeared, or left.. He was so sure that you died, and his childish grief was unbearable. Late nights were spent crying in his bed, vows were whispered, quiet sobs of reassurance that everything will be good, that he will fight for you.
So when he saw you, safe and sound, he felt a bit fooled. What do you mean that eight years were spent grieving for a person that just.. simply left? His fingers twitched softly, the muscle memory absentmindedly ready to go for a tight hug. But he couldn’t, not when he didn’t even know why you were here.
“Look who came back from the dead.” He said mockingly, a sneer on his face as he watched your form in the distance.
“Look who’s talking with the dead,” You replied, nails tapping the gun that was fastened to your belt, a cool undertone to your voice.
“You changed, Ekko..” You mused as you looked him up and down, eyes lingering and quickly moving from place to place. “What’s with the dirt on your face?” The mocking confusion was evident, and that made his jaw clench.
“Is that the only thing you have to say?! After all those years? Dirt on my face? Dirt is already a part of me in this rat hole! You’d know that if you hadn’t been gone, Toots!”
You watched his eyes widen in embarrassment, the nickname he’d give you while you were still children slipping effortlessly from his tongue.
“Ah.. the good old nickname, huh? Brings back old good memories.” You muttered and Ekko watched you take some steps closer to him, and he felt his heart beat harder with every step you took.
“The times we were together, Ekko..” You whispered as you stood right in front of him, your hand on your hip next to the gun.
“We were children, that would’ve changed…” He muttered in response. Lies, he didn’t believe that, his inner child was screaming otherwise, saying that if he tried a bit harder you’d stay.
“Yes, but those were the good times.. when we were children. Kind and innocent, not carrying the heavy blood on our hands.” Ekko watched you talk, words coming gracefully out of your mouth, the same way you’d tell him the solution.. to everything. To life itself.
“The times when we’d be inseparable, hip to hip. The time when we felt something-…” You continued to tell the stuff that came to mind, eyes filled with confusion as you stared down at the ground, your hand moving upwards to his chest, the barrel suddenly touching his heart. “- right here..”
The tip of the gun was cold against his chest, the cool feeling seeping through his shirt.
“We were stupid, nothing is eternal. We grew.” He looked at you as his jaw ticked, the gun to his heart not intimidating him at all.
“-And yet you still act like a child.” He suddenly added. “Leaving without a word and now pointing a gun that you don’t even know how to handle.”
You scoffed, the emotional side suddenly changed to irritation.
“Excuse you, I know how to handle a gun just right!” You exclaimed, eyes furrowing and eyes widening.
“Oh yeah? A person with a gun doesn’t hesitate to just shoot.”
“I could shoot just right, nerd.” You sneered, the pistol skimming up to his mandible.
“Don’t call me that,” He hissed, breath hitching at the feeling of the cold metal against his jaw. He’d be lying if the sensation wasn’t making him nervous, but not the usual nervous but another. The one that kinda makes you weak in the knees.
“Why not? You are a nerd, always have been.” You shrugged, the distance between your bodies almost invisible.
“Why don’t you shoot, huh? Show how great you are. I’m not scared of your lil’ gun” He mocked and took a small step forward, as if challenging you by standing even closer to the bullet.
“You should be.”
He should be afraid, afraid to lose his life, but in the end he was more afraid to lose his mind with you. Why was he playing this game? Maybe or maybe not because he liked it…
“If I didn’t know better I’d say that you like pointing it at me..” He said with a strained voice, the last bit of his clear mind going to waste.
“Hm, maybe. But I’d say that I like pulling the trigger more..” You breathed out, not backing down.
You both knew what kind of a game you were playing, and maybe that was the point. The tension was palpable, electric.. nothing could quite describe it. The air was cold where you were standing, but none of you two could feel it due to your own reasons.
“I could just-“ Your finger slowly moved to cock the gun, and yet he quickly snatched it and slammed his lips against yours, doing you both the favour of doing the first step. The kiss was filled with emotions, anger, hatred and yet relief that it was you.
It was a lot more different than the kisses you’d share in the past, it was quick, sloppy, but who cared? You surely didn’t, since you wrapped your arms around his neck, and pulled him flush against you. The pistol fell down with a clack but none of you paid attention, you had other stuff to do.
Ekko was still angry and frustrated, knowing that his grief was for nothing, but on the other hand it all was for nothing, you were there, in his arms, grip and lips to lips-.
You never fully left when you never left his mind.
Support banner: @/cafekitsune
#arcane#frosty’s works#ekko x male reader#ekko x y/n#ekko x you#ekko arcane#ekko x reader#ekko lol#ekko league of legends#ekko#ekko fluff#leauge of legends#ekko x fem reader#ekko smut
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