#so if it ends up being doable and the other admins are down for it we might get another small stock in

[warriorend-2]

Went and rewatched a recording of KBOOM I did (mostly for personal reference) and. It is an interesting detail to me, because of the whole "Welcome, Agent Phoenix" thing on the cabin screen, it leads me to believe that there was something going on there that just. Doesn't get covered except indirectly in various lines.

Roxana says she doesn't have access to the lava generator systems in her cabin, which. she does have access to a lot of stuff in her cabin that Phoenix just doesn't have, but it's interesting that that gets mentioned, because those lava generators get used Constantly. In terms of the lava generators alone and the ability to move the lava between the cabins, Phoenix's cabin almost behaves like an admin cabin, in a sense.

It also has a forge, and a parameters panel. Roxana might have the parameters panel on the other cabins, but given she does parameters when she's in the central...tower area, I'm unsure.

The screwdriver is something Phoenix probably brought, but the metal just kind of laying around, and the forge templates, those were probably there from the start, along with the cans of butane and...liquid nitrogen iirc. And the welding mask.

This is all probably mostly to make the level doable, but there's a lot more direct interaction between Zor and Phoenix in the third game, which. if there's that much direct interaction, it just strikes me as a bit odd that it's always. pretty convenient. The shield generator is just left in the underwater lab, free for the taking. With a demonstration of the kinesium chain destabilization and a guide on how to use the shield generator.

If I read this as pure like. Story wise. Not bothering with the game needing to be beatable or fair:

-The shield generator is just left behind in the underwater lab, which...seems like an odd enough decision on its own. It can block kinesium explosions, that feels like something that'd be kept under pretty tight security, and Zor knew that Phoenix would be going to the lab anyway considering they leave a tape. And instructions. And a demonstration. Yes the demonstration was a power play but it was a demonstration of how their Big Evil Plan worked.

-Zor does slip a little threat in the tape recording, to be fair ("know whatever end you meet"), but. In all honesty I mostly read that as saying it for the sake of keeping up appearances. Doesn't make much sense if they actually expected Phoenix to die down there. Even with the squid.

-Zor sets up the explosion at Roxana's factory, which kills all her robots and was apparently intended to kill her. They seem mildly surprised when she's alive in KBOOM, though they shake it off pretty quickly. It's entirely possible Phoenix was "supposed" to go into KBOOM with the shield generator, given it was just left free for the taking during Hot Water.

-Phoenix's cabin in KBOOM has the ability to control and use the lava generators, a forge for making various bits and pieces, metal for the forge, and...very conveniently everything they'd need to interface with the destabilizers. This could be chalked up to them getting lucky and getting in just the right cabin, but. well.

and oh, huh. the laser grid relies on a set of gears that have a very easy cover to remove. and hey would you look at this can of convenient liquid nitrogen, or this screwdriver, or-

-Everything about Zor's little speech at the end weighs on my mind constantly. I've mentioned their tone before so I'm going to skip that. There's a very specific line in their final speech I'd like to dwell on for a moment, if you'll pardon me.

That being this line.

I'm going to play semantics for a second because god damn if I didn't take a lot of classes in high school where wording was a Constant Thing.

Obviously Roxana believed her robots were better than Phoenix for most of the game, that's not what I'm questioning. I'm questioning why the word "fooled" specifically. Not "you convinced Prism to believe in you" or "you made Prism believe in you", it's just. fooled.

Zor has obviously seen Phoenix pull their plans apart like string cheese on multiple different occasions by this point, and seems to base various plans on the fact that they'll survive various trials, so I don't read this as them doubting Phoenix's skills or abilities. What they're doubting, I'm not sure exactly.

I'm putting this under a disclaimer: It's entirely possible that my own personal interpretation of Phoenix is going to have some amount of influence here. Maybe everything I'm reading out of this is BS and I just have confirmation bias, but this section did make me adjust my interpretation of Phoenix somewhat, so there's influence going both ways.

I will write out the full speech, just for convenience:

"So you fooled Prism into believing in you. Well, even the great Agent Phoenix will eventually burn out. Believe me when I say there is nothing left in the Agency worth saving. I would know. Be seeing you."

The way this reads to me does not necessarily imply "you're going to die and lose one of these days", because there's a lot of other stuff going on here.

There's the fact that Zor uses the phrasing of "burn out" to refer to Phoenix, because. burning is sort of what phoenixes do, like that's their whole Thing. Split in half, I could probably read it as saying, effectively, either "one of these days, you'll die" or "you should ditch the Agency before they get you killed", and just take it at that, but without that split, neither of those really feel. complete.

Maybe they're just trying to throw Phoenix off, unsettle them a bit, but this specific little monologue reads as something more to the effect of "good job fooling people (possibly even yourself) into thinking you're just the Agency's little back-pocket weapon, but you know they're kind of worthless, right? See ya later, "phoenix"" it's a very crass and flat way of writing out the way i interpreted it, but it gets the point across.

Maybe Zor knows more about Phoenix than they let on. Maybe they're just talking bullshit and trying to get under Phoenix's skin. Maybe it's both. Maybe it's neither, and I'm overthinking it, and they do genuinely just think Phoenix isn't as good as they seem. But. Yknow.

They wanted Phoenix captured alive in the second game. If Phoenix is really that much a thorn in their side, why not do what Juniper suggested and just shoot them while they were unconscious? Phoenix was vulnerable after they got captured. Vulnerable and practically in Zor's hands. The Peace Summit was apparently a plan "years in the making", but they didn't. Stop Phoenix. What Juniper did was the equivalent of sticking a cat in a carrier and telling it to stay.

[newmannanthology]

I know it's been a while, but are there any zine copies left?

Hey! I’ll have to doublecheck the stock of what’s left, but I believe we officially sold the last copy a few days ago--I’m so sorry!! We still have plenty left of almost all the merch (just prints and bookmarks that are running low), and the PDF copy of the zine is up for sale on our Gumroad for $10, if any of that is of interest to you. 

-admin Maria

[askaceattorney]

Dear Anonymous,

Co-Mod: Nope, your letters are in there.  We’ve just had to slow things down with me being gone.  As long as your letters are within the rules, they should get an answer sooner or later.

(Link in Letter)

Dear Keya Aghaei,

Co-Mod: My response to the article is simply this:

I’ve never been a big fan of seeing new entries in a series that include a bunch of changes or seem like they’re done in a completely different style (don’t get me started on Sonic the Hedgehog), but if I had let that bother me, I never would’ve been able to enjoy disarming a crazed bomb disposal expert, analyzing witnesses’ emotions, or picking apart the last memories of murder victims, not to mention meeting one of my favorite video game characters of all time.

Besides, change is a fact of life, so I’d say it only makes a video game series that much more real...for better or worse.

I’m also pretty bummed that Mr. Takumi had to leave the series (especially as the original voice actor for Phoenix), but the series never really lost its magic for me, even if its not quite the same as before.  Change isn’t always fun, but that doesn’t mean it has to be bad in every case.

(Previous Letter)

Dear mungeondaster,

Mod Vera: Thank you! I’m just a beginner-level GIF editor using free online software, but I still somehow get the desired effect!

Dear Anonymous,

Co-Mod: That was me, actually.

What I meant is that I and Mod Maya are the only ones of us familiar with that game (and she’s been busy with real life stuff), which is why you haven’t seen responses to DGS letters in a while.  I know I’m supposed to be on hiatus, but I don’t mind answering those as they come.  Sorry again for the delay!

The Mod hasn’t been around for quite some time, though.  I wonder what he’s up to these days?

(Links in Letters)

Dear Ella,

Co-Mod: Thank you very much!  I haven’t done very much writing lately, but I still appreciate the compliment!  A lot of credit goes to the Ace Admin for starting the blog, The Mod for making its popularity grow with his awesome writing and sprite editing skill (and inspiring us with his example), and the other Mods for adding their skills to the mix.  And to all of you who send us letters, of course.

Unfortunately, we don’t review fan fiction here, but I’ll leave the links to your stories here so everyone can take a look at it if they wish.

Dear cosneymegundal1852,

Co-Mod: All those medals, and he needs his own holiday?

Dear Anonymous,

Co-Mod: 

(Source)

Dear Inferno,

Co-Mod: Pass.

(Previous Letter)

Dear Dead,

Co-Mod: You’re not the first to not notice that, so no worries.

Dear Evan,

Co-Mod: I assume you’re asking about including a link to your previous letter, since replying to a character is as simple as writing to them again.  To include a link, just go to your old letter, copy the URL (at the top of your browser window), and paste it into your new letter.  Or, if you want it to look neater, highlight the part of your letter you want to be a hyperlink to the previous letter, then click the Insert/Edit Link button (shaped like a diagonal ‘8′) and paste the URL there.  I hope that helps!

(Previous Letter)

Dear Inferno again,

Co-Mod: That’s correct!  I hope you liked how it turned out.  It went a little different from what I was expecting, but I guess that’s sort of how every interactive event goes.  Your letter also asked us to instant message you if we used your idea, so sorry I forgot about that!

I'd say it’s a little hard to go outside the box when you’re already venturing outside the fourth wall, but I definitely wasn’t expecting a letter from either of those two, so thanks for the variety.  You should consider yourself lucky no one ended up as the Proto Badger’s lunch, though.

Dear dawsongfg,

Co-Mod: You too, huh?

Dear dawsongfg again,

Co-Mod: Thanks, but I’m already aware.  The graphics are great, but I’m still deciding on the story.  (I got that from a YouTube comment, by the way.)

Dear Guquis,

Co-Mod: Pretty well, for the most part.  I actually felt sort of bad for doing that to them, but it all had to be done in the name of science.  Or, more accurately, because someone sent us a letter and asked us to.  I hope you’re happy, Inferno!

Though, to be fair, the stunned silence was just part of the prank.  I imagine at least some of the characters would be able to handle such a revolution without flipping out entirely.  Like I told Mod Vera, I imagine it would be a lot like the end of The Truman Show for them.  Those are my thoughts, anyway.

Dear Johan,

Co-Mod: That sounds pretty doable to me, so we’ll keep it in mind!  There are actually a few other ideas we’ve received, so I hope you don’t mind waiting a while.

-The Mods

P.S. More Mod letters on the way!  Thanks for your patience.

[tes-trash-blog]

ElaborTe

So if you like Nords or stan them or cherish them as much as I do the Snow Elves, you might wanna skip this one.

TW: White supremacy, Neo-Nazism, the trash blog going completely off their shits

From the early days of the Elder Scrolls, the Nords have always been.. Well, Norse-coded. As far as races and their lore-evolutions go, they’re the only ones who have held steady in their Nordy McNordness throughout the series. They’ve always been hardy, fair-haired men and women from frozen reaches of Skyrim. They’ve always had a foothold in that tundra, as early as the days of Labrynthian, first featured in Arena. They’ve always preferred axes and steel over magic and guile, and before anyone says anything about Project Tamriel or out-of-game lore or whatever Kirkbride said about robots and wasabi, I’m talking explicitly about canon here, as canon is what most gamers see in these games.

From their appearance to their armor and weapons to the draugr and ancient gods, the Nords are very much the Elder Scrolls’ answer to the Fantasy Viking, which in itself is based on the Vikings of yonder year.. Give or take a few embellishments. Their axes have harsh-but-intricate carvings, their armor is lined with fur and made from honest steel, they have names like Hulda and Sigrid, Roggvir and Thongvor, their voice actors hail from Sweden or can put on a Scandivan-esque accent. They look, sound, act, and dress Norse.

In media studies, this is called coding, a relatively new term in academia and so far still largely used in queer studies. Unlike allegory, which is an intentional one-to-one comparison of something vis a vis Lion Witch and the Wardrobe or Ender’s Game, coding is by and large unintentional, or at least unclaimed and not explicitly stated. It is a byproduct of beliefs, biases, and bumbletyfucks the writer possessed as they created a work, and left unchecked it can lead to problematic elements.

This isn’t to say that coding is terrible, or Bad, or Problematic (though it often is at least one, and sometimes all three), but rather, it is a limitation of being human. Most writers are human as are most of the audiences the media reaches out to, and as such are bound by their worldview and preconceived notions and biases. Just because it can be problematic doesn’t necessarily mean it always is going to be problematic. A skilled writer can recognize this and work around it, or even play with the preconceived notions the audience has. I’ve seen very few white writers accomplish this, even fewer that were cisgendered men, but it’s doable.

However, if these notions are left unchecked, unchallenged, and uncritically accepted, you end up with uh, things. Things like, oh, the Khajiit who steal and deal drugs and travel in “caravans” (oof), the Bosmer who are the only brown Elves in the game and are also cannibals (yikes), the Reachfolk are dressed in untanned animal skins and wear antlers and do guerilla warfare and fucking yikes Bethesda what were you thinking???

You also end up with the Nords, who really took a nosedive from Fantasy Vikings into Gleeful Killers with Magic Shouting come Morrowind, where the Snow Elves had a proper introduction if only to show that the Nords of old were mass murderers, but, y’know, felt kinda bad about it after a child soldier killed their leader. It makes for a sad story, but it’s a cheap, Ender's Game-esque out so the viewer doesn’t have to feel bad about rooting for them. “They felt bad, guys! It’s okay!”

These deeply problematic aspects of Nords-as-homicidal-maniacs only became more apparent with the arrival of The Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim.

Here’s where that white supremacy warning I gave earlier comes into play. You still got some time to check out and enjoy your day.

Still here? Alright.

It was a perfect storm. As I said in a previous rant, Skyrim came about in a time of unprecedented White Anxiety. I cannot stress enough how much white people lost their damn minds when Obama was elected president. There were threats on the then-President’s life, on his wife and daughters, on a daily basis. Gun sales reached record highs out of fear that the boogeyman Democrat would take their guns away. Libertarianism soon became a shorthand for a white supremascist who likes to smoke weed. The so called Tea Party screamed about “freedom of religion” while openly applauding anti-Islamic hate crimes and calling the President by his middle name/dogwhistle “Hussien”, white supremacist hate sites saw an influx of traffic; Stormfront, the oldest of the bunch, saw a jump from 23,000 users in 2004 to over 100,000 in 2008, and this was before bot users were a thing admins had to weed out, this was before a certain foreign power took a keen interest in installing a useful idiot.

This was home-brewed vitriol.

All the while, right wing media went batshit. Fox News had their Mustardgate “scandal”, a dogwhistle to their populist audience that their leaders weren’t like “the average American”. Conspiracy theories sprung up right and left (pun intended) about the Obama administration and “the shadow government”, of which those neo-Nazi sites, with their surge in fresh-faced users,  were a wellspring for. Being the Internet, their memes and “facts Big Media doesn’t want you to hear” spread like a cancer to the greater Internet-- Reddit and its subsidiary Imgur, Tumblr, Twitter, 9Gag, countless other pockets of blogospheres and forums and media platforms. It was, and still is, fucking inescapable.

And of course, Nazis love them that Norse aesthetic. They love the cold where only real men could survive, unlike those weak-willed patsies and *checks notes* dijon-mustard lovers. They love the pale skin and light hair of the people as that’s their idea of genetic purity. They love the runes, the affectations, how the Norse folk of old just invaded and pillaged and were so strong, they did Blood Eagles and were so masculine.

And therein lies why I hate the Nords. I hate how they went from Generic Viking to Murder Men, I hate the direction Morrowind and onward took with them, I hate how no one had the foresight to either tone down these aspects or put a spin on them like they seemed to do with other races. I hate how quickly actual racists took to this fake ass race, I hate how they tried to pull a “both sides are the same” in that stupid Civil War questline when one side is an actual ethno-nationalist paramilitary cult. 

I hate how the writers of Skyrim were cowards, and I hate that they apparently looked at Ur-Fascism and saw a checklist. I hate that they gave the Nords, and by extension you, the player, a moral justification for rallying against a “high-brow”, “elitist”, “globalist” “oppressive”, distinctly non-Nordic and non-Mannish group of people because they “threaten the Nord way of life”. But let’s make the Elves the Nazi allegory so there’s no qualms whatsoever about siding with the Fantasy Republicans. I hate that every other stereotype of non-Nord races can be found in that game, from the skooma dealing Dunmer to the thieving Khajiit to the bootlicker Imperial to the fucking High Elves. I hate that they only expanded on the morally-justified genocide of the Snow Elves with Songs of the Return, and then further reinforce how “good” that was by having you meet the guy who slaughtered children. I hate how, barring one easily missable side quest that still uses bothsidesism there is no challenge to this bullshit way of thinking. I hate that a sizable chunk of Stormcloakblr are also very clearly racist. I hate that my Ysgramor/Pelinal shitpost started to gain traction after someone with a rage face icon reblogged it with a “Kill All Elves” tag. I’ve deleted it since. The meaning is lost on those wastes of breath, and was 100% the cause for this rant.

I hate how the writers could have done better, but didn’t.

[she-toadmask]

Fuck it. Long post about the animatic for this mashup (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WxAJpP9FKA) that I would love to do but simply don’t have the project focus for.

Not a single coherent story or anything, just the different ideas the snippets give me. All somehow Minecraft related. Some are Team Crafted, a couple are Hermitcraft S7 but more the beginning, some are just Minecraft typical characters (Notch, Herobrine, Alex, Steve)

Oh and a couple of them are Sanders Sides

Also sometimes they vibes and ideas come from the context of the source musical (because I know it), sometimes I don’t know the context and/or much of anything about the source musical so I just go off the lyrics and vibes (so if someone here has an interest in musicals and thinks some of the vibes are wrong...sorry????? lmao)

0:00 to 0:10 (Hellfire instrumental): title card duh

0:11 to 0:23 (Miss Baltimore Crabs): Notch being a whiny bitch like ‘ugh things used to be so good when I was the god of this world creating things and now things are just awful’

0:24 to 0:42 (Charming): Something something just stills of Patton in a skirt going across the screen or something??? (Upon second thought maybe it’s him and Roman stills and Janus is warning Virgil or smth???? Idk it’s pre-redux vibes but whatever I had nothing)

0:43 to 0:55 (Kick it Up a Notch): I just remember vibes of someone being chained up and the captor looming over them but I have no idea who they were I promise I get more ideas later on these are just rough (Ok maybe it was like Janus looming over Virgil but again the vibes aren’t up-to-date and I don’t have as strong thoughts here ANYWAY MOVING ON)

0:56 to 1:12 (Blood in the Water/When the Going Gets Tough blended): I don’t remember my original thought but two characters circling a third vibes are strong here like maybe Enderlox and WitherMU circling Skybrine??? Maybe???

1:13 to 1:36 (Razzle Dazzle): Again pre-redux Sanders Sides vibes but Janus talking to Roman and then just Roman being Roman I guess? Just like (this fits in with some other Chicago animatics featuring Sanders Sides folks that I would love to do but never will) Roman committed murder (obvs) and Janus is Corrupt Lawyer and reassuring him that the press will love him and he’ll get off (also the foreign girl in Cell Block Tango is Patton)

1:37 to 1:46 (Dentist): I think I just was thinking Skybrine posing and doing some stupid little dance? Idk a lot of iffy ones in these first two minutes yikes

1:47 to 2:04 (Killer Instinct): I had a good idea for this one! But it’s gone! Oof!

2:05 to 2:23 (Loud): So Bruno and Augustus are standing on either side of Seto (normal) and are singing the song and going to make him join Klub Ice. At the line ‘the less you have to say the louder you yell it’ they pull off his big cloak/robe/whatever and then during the next line they’re somehow (idk Klub Ice magic roll with it) changing his clothes from whatever he wore under the cloak into appropriate Klub Ice attire and then shove him offscreen (idk just this part and the way she sings it gives me hella Klub Ice vibes just like brain? nah fam be loud and sexy and party)

2:24 to 2:52 (Stars): All I remember was someone standing on a rooftop looking out and that’s...just the song.

2:53 to 3:14 (Wait for it): Again I have no idea what I thought at the time but it was definitely angsty (:

3:15 to 3:24 (A Sentimental Man): I know Notch is singing (because evil man everyone thinks is good) and the vibes I’m getting now are either Sky or Steve and I have no idea which.

3:25 to 3:45 (Hey Little Songbird): Herobrine is singing and smoking a cigar/ette and grinds it under his foot at the end to put it out, I think maybe he was singing to Alex? Could also be like TrueMU or Deadlox or something but idk mate

3:46 to 3:56ish (Macavity): It’s about Herobrine who is appearing vaguely in the background making sexy(?) poses and someone else was in the foreground singing at some point??? Idk could be Sky and Deadlox could be Steve and Alex who tf knows not me not today

3:57 to 4:05 (The Pitiful Children): I think I had Herobrine singing to not-brine Sky? Circling ofc but if there was context it’s long vanished from my brain

4:06 to 4:16 (Easy Street): oh hey look hermitcraft It’s from the Head Games and whoever was giving all the cave spider heads is just dancing and a bunch of cave spider heads fall down and then at the end Cleo shows up as SpiderCleo and is just pissed

4:17 to 4:30 (The American Dream): I. Honestly have even less clue than the others. I think this one was always a weird one and honestly after learning a little bit about the source musical idk if I want to mess with that

4:31 to 4:42 (What’s Up Duloc): Ok I love this one it’s evil Notch and he’s just like looking over the world like ‘I’m going to destroy this’ and on the ‘bum bum bum bum bum’ small pictures of the Team Crafted folks in despair at an event pop up on beat like that’s what he’s planning to do to destroy them because Team Crafted strong like I seriously love that idea

4:43 to 5:03 (World Burn): Pretty simple, just Evil Xisuma, cuts on certain beats, whatever he has is maybe like somethign that brings up an admin panel? Or something like that? Anyway just Evil Xisuma being evil and angry what if it was emblazoned with a shimmering red apple on the back like a red version (for Hels) of a Notch apple because I love me some evil Notch

5:04 to 5:31 (Last Midnight): Another one I really really like! Going with some source vibes, like Herobrine is holding Sky’s amulet (he got deadified) and he’s singing it so angrily because his son (adopted because of magic deals but shhh) is dead due to these assholes and the assholes include Mitch (idk I guess Jerome is the ‘Baker’s wife’ here and got fucked over by prince bitch), Deadlox, TrueMU, and I guess Ssundee? Idk it’s just angry and upset Herobrine because people can suck and now his son is dead

5:32 to 5:44ish (Poor Unfortunate Souls): Felt more like an evil Herobrine song to me. He’s doing the deal thing and stuff is emphasized with fire because duh, probably Sky on the other side of the deal because Skybrine yeet, but yeah the fun

5:45 to 6:09 (Meant to be Yours): Deadlox (suitably fucked up because Heathers) banging on Sky’s closet door (Sky is inside because Heathers context) and there’s an image of them standing before a burning building idk it’s just the Heathers song but the bits she takes for the mashup and with Team Crafted boys

6:10 to 6:16 (Johanna): Uhhhhh the singer isn’t shown but I think it was just feminine Alex dancing and then sitting and looking out a window

6:17 to 6:40 (Hellfire for real this time): Notch is standing in a religious looking building and thinking horny thoughts and the object of his lust is also feminine Alex because reasons

6:41 to 6:55 (bits of some of the other songs): Just mini frames of the scenes; at the end the whole screen is Evil X doing his thing

I do not remember as much as I wish I did but hey it’s there

Anyway some of these could work as full animatics for the source song (Loud is a maybe, Poor Unfortunate Souls is obviously doable, Last Midnight is also a maybe, Razzle Dazzle definitely has the appropriateness for a full animatic) but some of them do not because of context and other stuff (Like...most of the ones I wasn’t sure about and then also Easy Street because the rest of it is significantly less fun, What’s Up Duloc has a lot of musical context in there, stuff like that). Idk it was just something I was thinking about again and this was the best way to talk about it all.

Also I thought evil Notch was underutilized and then I found more fics and I am vibing with them like I don’t have a problem with good Notch in fics but evil is so much more fun (then again I love Herobrine as a character because you can write him however the fuck you want sooooo)

[galunacycheckyourheadtour]

How high?

Firstly of all, sorry I have not been keeping this as up to date as I had hoped.  That is part of my problem - I always start things when so much other stuff is going on and feel guilty for not keeping it updated.  I should have waited, but anyway, here we are. 

Where were we...so I have had a bit of a month of it. I am so self aware I could see it coming.  It is a bit like a tsunami after an earthquake - you know it is inevitable, it’s a force of nature and all you can do is try to get to higher ground.  But that is not necessarily safe either. Being too high can be a bigger danger to me than being too low. 

But that all sounds a bit riddle like.  So to strip it back, I knew I was going to have a huge workload, a lot of pressure and no real support.  Self employment, (even with a full time contract like I have), for all its pro’s can be incredibly isolating.  I had to deliver back to back virtual events, something I had never done before, do all the marketing, social media, registrations, have a 3 day board meeting and deliver content for the associations annual meeting, as well as day to day admin work stuff  in the space of three weeks.  

I had to learn quickly - having never produced a virtual event, and probably gain some extra arms or a second brain or something. Usually when I am doing these sorts of events, they are live, there is support - people around me who can say something nice, get me a glass of water or offer to help.  But here I was sat in my office - getting on with it.  I work well like this to be honest, I get it all done, go above and beyond, all with a smile on my face - people never know what I really feel like.  Once a client said to me after an event ‘I don’t know how you do it, you are constantly busy, staff and delegates all asking questions all the time but you are always so helpful and so positive to everyone around you.’ This to me was a huge compliment. I am one of the best actresses I know FACT. Pass that Oscar Paltrow - I’ll show you how to cry. 

I had asked for extra resource a year ago and it was cancelled due to COVID, even though my work actually increased by 300%  When help was offered a month ago,  it was already too little, too late. It would have taken me longer to train or pass work on to someone, than just get my head down and do it myself.  But that is always to my detriment.  

I have been working on 5 different screens, 8 different social media accounts, 16 different whatsapp groups (this is why I hate whatsapp) all demanding different parts of my brain - 15 hour work days, no fresh air, not really eating and then I struggle to stop and get perspective.  I don’t work in an industry where someone is going to die if I fuck up, but that kind of the perspective is nowhere to be found.  Everything must be perfect - like a seamless operation. 

 Nobody has a clue what is going on behind the scenes, and that is the magic - they never should - because if they did, that means something has gone wrong.  So, I am a complete perfectionist when it comes to my work - I don’t let things drop, I look at things from every possible angle, work out contingencies, problem solve on the spot, write briefs, manage people...I have to keep the plates spinning at all costs.  (I will tell you the story how all my plates stopped spinning at one point - it links to New Orleans one of my milestone stops on my bike ride)

This is a really common issue for event organisers and not one that is talked about in our industry. The thrill of delivery which sometimes has been 6 years in the making, evolves to the post event blues.  You feel ‘jangly’ (sorry probably not a word but it is what I use), pace around, trying to find challenges to solve, over communicating, not sleeping, feeling a bit invincible, drinking too much, just being a little over confident, taking risks, spending too much - until you crash in a little ball in the bottom of your wardrobe, not knowing what the hell to do except cry and hibernate for 3 weeks.  You know that scene in Blackadder when he sticks pencils up his nose and says wibble - I get that. It is quite tempting to turn up on zoom and do that (I just tried to find pencils, will sharpies do?)

I have been working in events since I was 15 so I know this feeling all too well.  I know it is coming and what I should do to avoid it.  But when you are delivering everything in such a positive way - people don’t stop pushing you - they think you are fine and in fact, if I ever say ‘I’m fine’ to you - be concerned - maybe pry a bit more. You need to have someone around you with the emotional intelligence to say - hey, are you ok? I think you need to go outside for a walk - touch some leaves, hug a tree, smell some grass...throw a fucking great rock in the sea.

That is why I am so grateful for my counsellor - she works with me to make a game plan before I go into these periods and this time it helped - I would say I took on board 40% this time round but next time it will be more, because I am getting better.  Plus I am getting support. So here are some of the things, they might help you or someone you love. 

1. Go outside every day and look at the horizon (even better go look at the sea)

2. Keep hydrated, plenty of water (I put 2l of water on my desk at the beginning of the day - if it is there I drink it - if it isn’t then I don’t.  Simple. 

3. Avoid caffeine.  I have been so bad at this my coca-cola addiction is rife and my new ‘hipster wanker’ coconut milk latte addiction has to be squashed soon - mostly as it makes me sound like a total prat! 

4. Try to do some movement, yoga, ballet barre each day.  Again, another thing I am bad at.  One day I went to my desk at 5am and barely left until 10pm that night - ridiculous! I was walking like the hunchback of ND.

5. Breathe - I do something called EFT (tapping) I find that helps to do throughout the day. I have a little ‘mantra’ type thing - it sounds lame but actually whatever, it helps me and I will take what I can get.

So I am sat here, feeling a bit jangly but having done a nice 30 minute bike ride - the first one in a week.  But knowing that is ok, I need to take it easy - don’t push myself, quietly observe, chill out, watch some films or some terrible reality tv and let the tsunami just lap over my feet while I rest in my hammock. I have 10 days off now, so this is time for me to reset.  I am planning to hit my halfway point of my bike ride by the end of the month and that is doable I think - but no pressure.  All I know is that I am going to get it done - I know that.  Keep on Keeping on.  

So I feel I might need to rewrite this at some point - it feels a bit rambling, but I wanted to just put it out there. 

Keep looking at the horizon 

[flyonthewallmedstudent]

The work life balance: Maternity Leave (Diary Entry/Long Post)

It’s a huge blur looking back from pregnancy to date, with kiddo being 4 months now. I ended up extending mat leave. I’m now (kinda) determined to start blogging about one of the biggest questions asked about medical training - is there work life balance and what is it like? 

Going to start with the topic of maternity leave. (This will be a personal view - so would love see what other parents in healthcare (or any profession) think about it and what their experiences have been)

A huge eye opener for me was actually watching netflix series: Sex Explained and Explained episode on women (which can be seen here for free). The gender pay gap in our generation is explained incredibly well - and boils down to women taking time off to be primary caregivers for children. I recommend watching those episodes as they’re fun, short and simply but smartly explained.

Image source: https://thenewdaily.com.au/finance/finance-news/2020/01/31/gender-pay-gap-new-low/

Okay. So. Maternity leave is paid parental leave usually given to the primary caregiver. Only one country in the western world that I’m aware of gives significant paternal and maternal leave - Iceland. Everywhere else, only the primary caregiver gets extended parental leave from 3 months up to a year (pay is less if you go beyond 3 months). Most of the time, mom’s are the primary caregivers, whether due to cultural norms or the fact that breastfeeding requires the mom be there most of the time. 

The other parent generally get 1 week to 2 weeks off from the day the kid is delivered. That’s it. Everyone’s reaction to this has been what-in-the-hell. This was devastating for me and my other half - as I needed his support and he would be missing out so much of our baby’s life. 

It also sets us up nicely for the gap to begin, if you watch the netflix series. We both graduate from medical school the same year, but as I take off necessary time from training, he won’t. (Is it stressful being alone with an infant while your other half works full time? Absolutely. It wasn’t as terrifying as I anticipated, it’s doable, but it’s really hard while you and the baby adjust to being alone). 

Image source: Cleveland clinic - also has great parenting advice.

That said, there are friends of me where the parents alternate taking time off, the mom starts off in the first year of life. The Dads often take the 2nd year off. This applies to also medical couples that we know. (If they both have exams, the mom delays her exams one year, the Dad finishes his, then take time off for her to do hers. This is easier said than done, particularly if there’s 2 small kids involved). 

With approaching mat leave with hospital administration, after I found out we were pregnant I wasn’t sure how workforce/admin would react. So, the first thing I did was contact a work colleague who recently had a baby (we were working together while she was pregnant). I asked her how she approached it. 

Generally, you have to have worked within a health service for a year to be entitled to parental leave - that is to say, they cannot fire you and you’re able to retain your job when you return. 

Many people I know take a minimum of 6 months off (less pay than 3 months) and a year. 

While I was pregnant this seemed a long time. Surely I wouldn’t need that much time? Even workforce (they all have small kids) said that I too, will want those 6 months if not a year. They recommended I chat to the other moms in my program. 

They said the same, they thought they’d only need 3 months off (we’re all eager to finish training as women without kids) but were encouraged to start with 6 months. In the end, post kid - they all felt that returning to work after 6 months was too soon, and ended up taking 9 to 12 months. The more senior doctors also suggested a year off. Even my obstetrician (a mom of 4) kept asking if I ever considered a year off. The idea that you don’t want to miss out time with them. From studying paeds in med school, we know full well that those initial years of development are so vital to setting up a foundation for the rest of their lives. 

What everyone consistently said was that work will always be there. Time with your children at a young age won’t be. 

The flip side to this is that not all women necessarily will want to be away from work that long. I thought I would be in that category. 

Post for another day - but your whole brain gets reprogrammed once you become a parent, particularly, a primary caregiver (whether mom or dad). I’ve had friends who’ve cried when parental leave ended as it’s that hard to be away. When you go through the hell of hourly feeds, sleep deprivation etc, the bond goes deeper, you feel that they need you. And at the end of you, you really need them. This wasn’t something that really sunk in for me until suddenly I was near the end of mat leave, and then I realized I wasn’t ready to go back. 

However, I have other friends who chose to go back sooner in part time capacity. They couldn’t afford to take time off. In this career however, it meant that they went onto full formula feeding. It was too hard to keep up with pumping for an infant needs and resident workload. (On a busy day, we hardly have time to eat or use the toilet, I can’t imagine finding time to get to the pump room, get the pump out and sit there for 10-30 mins). I envy them that they returned to work, and their kids seem by comparison to mine - more gentle and malleable in personality (they tolerate daycare pretty well). I think one mom I know managed to keep up with pumping, but she returned to work when her kid was already on solids. 

Image source and also good resource on pumping and returning to work.

Now that I am a parent to a young kid, I do prefer the idea of part time and job sharing. Even though that will mean longer training, less pay (greater gender gap) etc. etc. I do wish that our laws and regulations were less punishing on the other parent. They are antiquated to be blunt. We should be allowed paid parental leave for either gender so that parents can alternate looking after small kids full time at home. 

Ultimately, kids want time with their parents above all else. Even babies - you can buy them a toys and they wouldn’t care about them as much as interacting with you.

That said, I don’t judge those who choose either to be full time at work or full time mom’s. Either will have its rewards and both are hard, requiring sacrifice. I completely understand the draw to both. 

I think it’s a tragedy that different facets of society look down on either full time working moms or stay at home mom’s. I think it’s unfair there is a pay gap and working part time will mean blows to your career progression (even though to put it bluntly, you are working less hours). 

Is there a middle path where you are rewarded for both continuing to work while avoiding being away from your kids most of the working week? 

One answer to having a better juggle is perhaps telehealth in the future. The ability to work at home I think is already life changing in some careers and I can’t imagine how much of a shift it would make in medicine. With Covid19, we’re already seeing a huge shift towards, it’ll be interesting to see how this will evolve further. I’m not saying telehealth should replace face to face medicine, but it should be utilized more. 

Going to try to post at least once or twice a week, if only to maintain some sense of sanity with a 4 month old. 

See you in the reblogs if you have any questions or have your experiences to share.

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, CARA! You’ve been accepted for the role of HIPPOLYTA. Admin Julie: Cara, you’ve once again blown us away with your app. From your plots, to your para sample, to the reason why you were drawn towards Halcyon, everything about the woman we see here is incredibly human in a very gripping way -- and we know that’s not easy to pin down when it comes to Halcyon. It was a joy to read. The additional writing sample especially drew me in, and by the end of it, I was totally hooked. We’re thrilled to see you bring her to our dashboards once again, and we cannot wait for you to put what you have planned for Hal into play on the dashboard. Set her loose! Go wild -- we’re watching with anticipation. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Cara

Age | 34

Preferred Pronouns | She, Her

Activity Level | Please describe how active you think you’ll be in a few sentences. - I’m able to get online everyday and do replies. Depending on how many and the length, I can write one to three replies perday. I do have a busy schedule during the weekend, so these would be my less active days.

Timezone | EST

How did you find the rp?  | I’ve been aware of it since it’s first run and was happy to see it back last year. I’ve been checking in often, waiting for the right moment to apply. And now, after being inactive, I’m back.

Current/Past RP Accounts |

https://ofhippclyta.tumblr.com/

https://laraxrutherford.tumblr.com

https://theninalowell.tumblr.com/

IN CHARACTER

Character | Hippolyta, Halcyon Santos

What drew you to this character? | I’ve been eyeing Diverona since it opened and the character I always come back to is Hippolyta.

To say she’s resilient would be an understatement. There’s something amazing in her, in a woman who falls from grace like her, someone who had everything and still defied the odds and wanted her own path. Her label being the Phoenix is only proof of that. Halcyon is a woman who sacrificed a lot to the idea that others had of herself, who she was or should be. Being good of heart, like she once was, doesn’t make it less a sacrifice. Halcyon existed for others only for a long time, something that she didn’t challenge. Her purpose served others until her time came.

The strength she showed since Cosimo came after her is not something she showed before. Not in such a raw way. It was one of the most determining moments of her life, when she asked to be taken to him, and it was her first taste of another kind of power. She didn’t accept death because there’s something stronger inside of her, a  will to live on her own terms. She had nothing left to lose, she had been betrayed by everyone she ever loved and trusted. She saw an opportunity and took it, something that is very interesting to her. She has the ability to see steps ahead, of being able to size her opponents the minute she sees them. It’s something that most likely comes from all her years of sitting quiet, of observing the world around her without making a move.

Halcyon is a complex person, with two sides. She is kind, something that hasn’t changed in all those years, surprisingly. Her kindness is mostly shown through her work for the Church. Halcyon always had a want and a need to help those who were less fortunate than she and she’s still doing it. But that kindness has hardened over the years. Halcyon has been holding her breath for so long, that when her husband died and she knew the Capulet would come for her, in a way, she started to breathe again. His death was the final push she needed to let go of the life she lived and to forge a new one.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

Rising higher. Halcyon is ambitious, there’s no denying. She is deeply loyal to Cosimo and Vivianne but what about the others? How far will her ambition take her? I would like to have her be confronted with the opportunity to do something, maybe double-cross one of her own, in order to rise higher. Or even be faced with the choice of choosing between Vivianne and herself. Because as much as Halcyon isn’t selfish, how far would she go, in terms of sacrificing herself? Her loyalty to Cosimo is strong but weaker than the one to herself. Breaking away from the Capulets wouldn’t be easy, if even doable, but if her life was at stake,, or if Cosimo betrayed something she strongly believed in, she  would try to keep her head high and rise from the ashes of that betrayal, one again.

The ties that bind. When it comes to Halcyon, blood doesn’t run deeper than water. At least not anymore. Her parents caused her too much pain. But could she go as far as hurting them? Halcyon cares deeply about Verona, but what if her parents stood in her way? She never fully let the darkness and ugliness stain her, but would going as far as to cast out her own blood be the thing to push her over the edge? Killing for others is easy, but killing for oneself is harder. In a moment of anger, Halcyon would be confronted with the ghosts of her past and seize that opportunity to completely severe her current life from her past life. Because there is a darkness inside of her, despite all her goodness, and having that balance tip when it comes to her parents specifically would be something that completely unleashed that darkness inside of her.

Greatness. I see Halcyon has still being adored, even if not as much as she used to be. Those who watched her fall and get up, more than once, might have even more faith in her. But I want that faith the people have in her, the symbol they made her be, to eventually fade, either because they turn their backs  on her or because she did. Though I imagine if they knew what she was really up to, they would be the ones to cast her out. It would also test her faith, and that’s something I’d like to have happen to her, to wonder who or what she is without God.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yes. Death is needed for this kind of group and while I adore Halcyon with all my heart, killing her would be a good plot. I would just like her to have been developed and written a bit before, so that her death could be more meaningful and that she would have her moment to shine.

IN-DEPTH

In-Character Para Sample: Again, write as much or as little as you need to get your interpretation across.

SAMPLE I

It had been a strange request, to dye a wedding dress in red, but the Santos name held too much for the tailor to turn it down and the hush money helped too. “Why do you need two dresses?” her future husband had asked, his tone bored. It was an arranged wedding for him as well, and he hoped to gain a dutiful bride. He had been assured that it would be the case.

Halcyon and Callum had gone on a few very public dates, the wedding being regarded as the event of the year. The Santos and Pardi, united as one. Halcyon Pardi, the woman hated the sound of that. Where Celia had insisted they both keep their maiden name, Halcyon was expected to shed hers as soon as the vows would be pronounced. Nonetheless, she smiled on these outings, nodded when he talked and voiced the right opinions only when prompted. She knew that her life would be just like that and she wanted to feel Celia one last time, to feel passion before losing it forever. And so, she had Celia’s wedding dress dyed crimson, a sign of the fire that burned her and the blood her heart had bled.

“Everyone except me to have one for the wedding and another for the ceremony. A woman has to be trusted on these things dearest.” The words sounded sweet, they all did when they came out of her. But they tasted bitter to Halcyon, bile rising into her throat. They ached, every single one of them. They cut through the very fabric of her soul. And she bore them, like the children she would never give him, refused to give him. She was thankful for the pills she could take, until she wasn’t fertile anymore, so that she would never give this man and her parents what they hoped; an heir. Her two biggest rebellions, she thought as her finger ran through the fabric of the dress, now tucked away in her closet, never to be worn again. Celia was gone and she was now someone’s wife.

A voice was heard and Halcyon rushed into the master’s bathroom, avoiding the man she kissed every night. His voice sounded angry and she knew he was talking about them again, the Capulets. Her husband was greedy, money wasn’t enough, he wanted power. And the Capulets had the one thing he really wanted, Verona. Halcyon ran the bath’s water, creating a diversion. She played the almost empty headed wife so well, he often forgot she even had thoughts that weren’t his. Callum felt safe around her, too safe. Pressing her ear against the shut door, she could hear everything he was saying. He had been trying to buy the police department lately, thinking that if he had them in his pockets, the rest would follow easily. But they were not easy to bribe and he was going at it all wrong. He was playing a dangerous game, pretending to help Cosimo while working against him. He wanted to be mayor and he needed more than the few businessmen that stood in his corner.

Halcyon could see all this unfolding before him and the man still thought he was on top of everything. Every little mistake he made, she predicted, finding some sick joy in it, in watching him be a fool. She kept quiet and maybe, just maybe, if he didn’t expect her to be nothing else than an accessory, would she have helped him see what was coming. But with every day that passed, he kept asking why she wasn’t pregnant when it was all she had to do. He kept treating her as if she was failing at the only thing she was supposed to be good at, bearing children. She pretended to cry and despair as he badgered her about it. But that was her secret, at least one of the many she was starting to collect.

As she stood there, holding her breath so that not even that would make her miss a word, she could see too well the choices she had in front of her. If she talked, if she said it all, surely he would understand his mistakes and be able to stay alive. And wasn’t that her duty, as a wife, to help her husband? Hadn’t she vowed, in the Cathedral, to stand by his side, for better or worse? It was a holy bond and Halcyon respected the Church. But she knew her words had been empty then, they meant nothing if they weren’t spoken to the woman she loved. It was there, in their bathroom, that she was conscious, for the very first time, that she would let this man walk into his death. From the outside, it would look as if she had been passive in all this, not involved. But the reality was different, every moment she chose to stay quiet was bringing her one step closer to her freedom and she knew that.

Maybe one day she would understand that he had been her first kill, her first taste of the darkness that was buried inside herself. And years later, when Vivianne would suggest she infiltrated the police department, she would smile, knowing that she would succeed where a man failed.

SAMPLE II

A delicate flower, that’s what they had built her to be. They gave her poise and grace, told her she was the best and deserved the world. And in return, she smiled, nodded and extended her hand to those who needed it. She had walked among them, an angel, her light inspiring others. Never did Halcyon let it alter her, her heart remaining pure. She had loved, believed in it. Like an innocent girl, not yet the woman she was today, she was bound to wed. The fire that consumed her gave her strength, made her better. Halcyon was naive, she believed that everyone was like her, good, or at least, that those who raised her were as good as she saw them. She had been wrong, fooled by her faith. When her fire ended in ashes, she had to get up. She rose above herself with a burnt mark that would always follow her, a scar forever etched on her heart. Had it been a mistake, to nurse her broken heart and not turn the city upside down looking for her missing  half?

No matter how deep the bullet lay, reality was ugly. The woman she loved could be bought. And by none other than her parents. It was with trembling hands, already feeling the blow in her heart, tears coming down, that she had taken the note that was left with the wedding dress. A soft finger ran  over it, even when she couldn’t see the words anymore obscured by her vision. That’s when the light had gone out. There was rage that first night, something that she was ashamed of. She had sought out her confidante the next morning, feeling herself calmer in the hot air of the Cathedral. She was told that God had a plan for her and she believed it.

Halcyon draped herself in her sadness, coming out of it even more beautiful than before. Her failed engagement wasn’t a secret, the Santos’ were well-known in the city. And it wasn’t long before talk of another wedding ran through the streets.

“I can’t,” she cried many times. “Please don’t make me do this.”

“You’re marrying him. We gave our word.”

“Mama, please,” she appealed to her mother, the one who had nursed her, taken care of her.

“Listen to your father. He knows what’s best.” And Halcyon knew, she had left her mother’s womb for good.

“Stop being a child, Halcyon,” her father snapped. His final words on the subject.

She smiled the day of her wedding, she was gracious to the guest, she played her part. And she played it well. There had been too many tears, too much pleading that had lead to this moment. Her parents had as good as killed her the day they gave her hand away, sealed her faith in a magnificent ceremony, a funeral where she was dressed in white. It wasn’t the fact that she didn’t love him. It was the fact that they extinguished her light, put her in a cell and threw away the key. Halcyon didn’t exist, the shadow that walked this world instead was not her. And they didn’t care, for they all had what they wanted. Her parents gained more money and her husband gained the most beautiful woman in the city. A trophy, polished regularly, something that people took pride in, a simple object. Never did she let others see  any of this. She was only his wife, but she was a good one, a dutiful one. Devoting herself to charities, the only thing she was allowed to do, and the halo on her head grew bigger. Little did they know, her hands would soon be bathed in crimson. When her husband was killed, the tears weren’t for him. They were for her, for finally being free from him and from her family.

Halcyon knew Cosimo’s men would come for her. Against everything, she hadn’t fled the city. Verona was her home and like a Queen, she would never leave it behind. Her blood would soil the city if needed, her pain and anguish visible for everyone. A martyr. She had left the door unlocked, knowing there was no need to try and protect herself. Cosimo was powerful and a locked door would not stop him or those who worked for him. Her back was to them when they came in as she looked at the city she called her own all her life. It would all be over soon. “Please,” she started. Make it quick. Her life flashed by, the faces of those she helped and of those who caused her pain. But what troubled her, even more, were the words she heard all her life. Fragile. Useless. Deviant. Wife. Martyr. Fiancée. Beautiful. Kind. Icon. Weak. One word was missing, one word had never been spoken to describe her. Determined. Never before had she felt such courage, or rather, had she been aware of it. “Take me to him.” The words were said as she turned to face them, an angel awaiting her death.

All her life, Halcyon had stood by, quiet, observing. The world unfolded in front of her and she watched it, in awe. Never before had she thought that all her observing would pay off for her, that being quiet would serve her. A presence quick to be forgotten, a pretty face deemed nothing more, the woman has listened. And learned. Until this moment, until her life hung in the balance, she never understood how precious that gift had been. It paid her in information. Her husband was dead, killed by the Capulets. And they thought, foolishly, that all of his secrets were buried with him. They had been wrong. Information was precious, the most powerful currency there was. Information would be her most powerful weapon. “There’s more he doesn’t know.” The words were a whisper as the woman slowly found her voice, the one that had been muffled all her life. She could be valuable, something she saw for the first time in her life. Every moment led her to this, right now, she could finally see it. They thought they had put her down for good, but she got up, stronger than ever. The shackles  on her hands were gone.

SAMPLE III

It hadn’t been long, or so it felt like, since Vivianne was in the hospital and now it was Halcyon’s turn to be freshly out, or almost. The days following her release had been spent trying to patch the hemorrhage, a word that could be taken to its most literal meaning. The Capulets were bleeding despite all their physical wounds being, at last, and yet things still felt too fragile. The capitana could be seen at all hours at the headquarters, working relentlessly to find a way to make the Montagues pay double for their actions. Halcyon herself had come close to losing too much, with Theo laying unconscious in a hospital bed for days, a player so precious to the woman, she had been on edge. A short breath of relief had been exhaled when she learned to other had woken up, something she felt on more than one level, some form of friendship forming with the informant.

It was late at night and when everything had started to blur she silently made her way to her dear friend and underboss’ office. On a night like this, exhausted like she was, it was the comfort of the friend she was seeking and not the advice of the leader she blindly followed. “Posso entrare?” May I come in? Tired words that followed a soft knock on Vivianne’s door. Something in Halcyon’s voice had the woman looking up from the reading she was doing and beckoned her to the more private area of her office.

There had been whispers of the state the underboss had been in when she learned that Halcyon and not come back from the mission, something she had seen, in parts, herself when she was finally alone with the older woman. Halcyon had seen changes, subtle ones, in her mentor since she got out of the hospital as if a confidence she once paraded so easily was no longer so strong. Maybe the capitana was reading too much into all this, a trick her own emotions were playing on her. It was, after all, so small what she thought she saw. If only she was not looking at the other so often, maybe they would not be here tonight.

The two women shared a bond, everyone knew it, but it was not something that was openly discussed between the two. Halcyon would die for Vivianne, in a heartbeat. But the moments when they talked about how much the friendship meant were rare. Tonight, the younger one needed that, for herself, but she sensed also for the underboss. As they sat down, closer than usual, an action that was deliberate on her part, a soft sigh escaped her. “Too much has been on your mind.” It wasn’t a question, a simple fact that was uttered as big brown eyes searched the blues she dreamed of losing herself into.

It was a rare occurrence, a hand brushing the other, waiting to see if part of the skin she felt like she craved at times would shy away. When it did not, Halcyon’s hand became heavier, a gesture that was meant to let Vivianne know she was there. But suddenly, it did not seem enough. Amidst the chaos, this simple hand, one that would follow the other woman anywhere, felt too little. “Whatever it is, whatever you’re keeping, you are stronger than it.” Without thinking, something she would never do usually, Halcyon let go of the woman’s hand. Light fingers followed by warm palms went to the underboss’ visage. For a woman who could be ruthless, there was genuine care for those she cared about, many of whom had been targeted lately.  “You won’t lose us. You won’t lose me.” They were so close and the touch felt like everything that could soothe Halcyon’s tired body and mind. But Halcyon did not dare allow herself to go further, to let the sudden flushing of her cheeks get what drove the blood there. She did not close the small, too small, space between their lips.

SAMPLE IV

Location: Halcyon’s house

Date: March 25th, 2019

Ever since the hospital, the Capulet forged a second layer around her, another armour that guarded her from the outside. The physical wounds were something she could take, another symbol of the war she was fighting. But the emotional ones were something she tried to shield herself from, marks that were carved too deeply into her soul. Wounds that followed her everywhere, even in her sleep. Days were long, the list of things that had to be done to contain the hemorrhage the Capulet had been cursed with in recent months and the woman always came home later than usual, long nights working at the Cathedral. Some nights she even prayed, the Faith that had been testing her for years never too far. The lights were not turned on as she walked into her penthouse, the dark soothing for the headache that had been building all day. Heels were carefully discarded, joining others that were in the entrance, forming a delicate line. Never would she dare say the words out loud, but there was loneliness lately in coming home to such an empty place, a longing for something more, something well beyond her reach. Her hand could extend, fingers grasping into thin air, and never would she reach what was missing.

The television was turned on, the channel already on Rai News24. It casted a glow in the living room and she went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea, the background noise eased part of the storm inside of her. The Santos name was heard distantly just as the kettle started to boil, the whistle of it drowning the noise. Not that it mattered, her father’s business was often in the spotlight. The name barely registered, too preoccupied with the day she had, going over every little detail of everything that was said to her, trying to see if she had missed anything. Absent fingers were running along the edge of her tea cup as she walked back to the living, only then looking at the screen in front of her. Strangely enough, the news was still talking about her father. Breaking News were not words that were usually associated with any of his activities. The images did not make any sense, neither were the words. Was this really how Halcyon Santos was to learn of her father’s death? Not by her own mother but by the coldness of the television. The cup she was holding dropped to the floor, shattering in tiny fragments. Slowly walking closer to the object that was turning her world upside down, finger gently brushing a picture of her father that came with the segment. The woman crumbled on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. Halcyon didn’t know if she was crying because her cage was finally broken for good or if it was because the man she once held so high would never be redeemed in her eyes, breaking her heart forever.

Extras: If you have anything else you’d like to include (further headcanons, an inspo tag, a mock blog, etc), feel free to share it here! This is OPTIONAL.

Headcanons

Training Halcyon was easy. Her years of ballet made her graceful and athletic. Hand- to- hand combat came easily to her, it was another form of dance. The woman surprised everyone by how easily and quickly it came to her and soon, she was able to  best more experienced fighters.

She started at the bottom and rose rather quickly because of how determined and dedicated she is. Halcyon directed all her energy and emotions into the tasks that were given to her, breathing and living solely for the Capulets. She was running and quick-thinking, able to see many outcomes unfolding before her. Her charm and apparent sweetness fooled more than one and it played at her advantage.

Halcyon is still nursing her broken heart. Celia was the great love of her life, up until this point. She was a burning fire and Halcyon gave herself completely to her lover., The woman always knew she was attracted to other women. And to men at times, something that was very confusing for her Catholic soul. Never before Celia had she been so open and free with another person . It was Halcyon, timid and fair compared to her passionate lover, who proposed. The ring was exquisite and when Celia said yes, Halcyon thought she could never be happier. In the days and weeks leading to Celia’s departure Halcyon could feel something had changed. She thought it was the wedding’s excitement, as the day was nearing. But when she came home to an empty house and saw the dress, she knew. Her heart hasn’t mended since].

The first tasks she had when she joined the Capulets were easy enough. Her first kill wasn’t. It was a conflicting moment, one where her soul fought the two sides of her, the light and the darkness. Never before did she thought she would or could kill another. But when the moment came, it felt…easy. There was half a confession to Hugo, Halcyon talking of a great sin without naming it. But she found that once you committed something that seemed hard, the next times were easier, until it came almost naturally. There was a war to fight and she was now part of it.

[ceep-it-kanon]

Ruby and Silver are so freakkin difficult to get straight. I mean, they’re both extroverts by nature, but plot happened and hit them hard & they ended up distrustful introverts. They ended up the exact opposite of the kind of person they are, and with Silver especially it makes circumstances difficult for them and self-conflicting. It’s fascinating, unbelievable, sad, and frustrating all at the same time, to think what kind of great person they both would have been if pl*t hadn’t happened to them and messed with their senses of right and wrong and their abilities to trust other people. I don’t mean that they’re the same; by nature they’re different (Silver has a very submissive personality underneath all that corruption, while Ruby had a sensitive, outgoing, personality, sort of like Black, except a lot more people-oriented, among other things) and the people the ended up becoming are just as different (Ruby has a tendency to run away from things, and because of that he feels guilt and because he feels guilt he tries to be self-focused and selfish as a method of coping with the reality of his actions hurting people, and his experience with the world is that once a bridge is burned it can’t be repaired, it’s probably his fault, and he runs from that guilt. Silver… has many many layers to him, more than his simple, just-want-to-do-right personality could normally manage. [Also hc that’s a double burn on Giovanni, cause that’s the kind of person Red’s dad, Giovanni’s little brother, was, and Giovanni hated mediocrity and how he all he needed to make him happy was to please others, while part of Giovanni wished it could be that simple for him, etc.] Silver ends up a very confused, conflicted, corrupted shell of what was only ever a child in an unstable world, with his only desire [after Pryce was defeated] was to find a place where he had both a belonging and purpose, but found only fate at every corner, found that the past he had been longing to know and return to was the fall in development of the Team Rocket empire, and that his existence was not only the catalyst to cause the destruction of the era of prosperity of those who had long been downcast, in taking the power and glory of the privileged, and giving to them the fear, exile, and punishment that they of different moral had been forced. They of team rocket were the outsiders, those in society who were smart enough to see the corruption of the world, who had morals of personal justice which would remove the wool over society’s eyes to their world, that would disrupt the careful lies those in power preached to maintain it, and under one man united to take the lifetime they believed their kind–the thieves & the cold-hearted, the homeless and disadvantaged–should be given, and had been deprived from them and their ancestors since Kanto began the inevitable corruption of a society’s order and hierarchy, the government. I’ve started rambling crap help And for Silver, to have been taken as a product of that corruption and to be used as a tool for a corrupted man, struggling to understand his humanity, happened to get into what we would of course call the “right crowd” (but which all Team Rocket would for different reasons disagree), and his experience was twisted a third time into something he couldn’t make sense of, and upon finding his purpose–both why he was conceived and what he could do to make his impact–to become the leader of Team Rocket and shut everything down before the three warring factions that were shards of the glory the team was under Giovanni’s leadership before Ariana (his mother, ironically) and the other executive admins tore the region–and those following them, who were once again suffering most, in a place where they had nothing left and nowhere to go–apart. In Petrel’s strange obsession with messing with Silver’s mind; in Archer’s loyal delusion of returning Giovanni to Team Rocket and refusing to accept his death for what it was; in Proton’s fear of losing his power, of needing to be right and uncontained; and most importantly Ariana, who, as Kanto crumbled in the fourth reign to being more corrupt than ever before, sought to gain power during the chaos, to mess with other’s minds and know how to gain control over any human on earth, to prove that she was more worthy than justice-loving Giovanni (who before you ask there was never anything between them & Silver was not in the slightest notion an accident, and she never wanted nor had to have anything to do with him, from the deal they made. and yes, Giovanni didn’t intend to, but he had loved Silver more than he had ever loved anything. Also if it isn’t obvious Silver got his personality from his father.) To her, life was a game. She only ever wanted to control people. She had no interest for the long run, or in keeping the power she gained. She was strange in that either the way her brain was wired or her upbringing or both left her unafraid of the world. She didn’t fear dying for her mistakes, as Pryce had; it hardly crossed her mind. She had no inhibition whatsoever and lived for the thrill of the present, which made her all the more dangerous of an antagonist, for all her actions were in fear of nothing, so for her even the unthinkable was doable, for she failed to care for the retributions to her or others caused by her actions. (Again, the opposite of Pryce. It’s interesting that two major villains for Silver to face were both motivated and made dangerous by fearing the effects of their mistakes and paying no heed to the effects of their mistakes respectively.) At the end of the fourth and final reign of Team Rocket, and era of either greatness or fear for three entire generations, it came down to Silver’s mother, as it began with his father. And he was the once who was neither hero, nor bad guy, nor bystander, for what he was, what he caught caught in, and what fate brought him to would not allow him to be any of those, yet he was all at once: in being loved, in the blood which he never got a chance to know love from, and in who he is without the corruption of the Masked Man and that world. In his hatred, in his regret, in his loyalty, his despair, and his desire for simplicity, Silver is human. His father, a great, sensible, intelligent man, sought nothing more than to pursue the justice he believed in, as a boy from rich family on the wealthy side of society, seeking the company of others with intelligence, and finding it in the criminals society hated and feared, whose views are too harsh, too close to the truth for the blinded and softened multitudes to accept and thus take everything from them out of fear and disbelief. Giovanni’s truest desire was to understand why he hated the mundane, why simple oblivion disgusted him, why he couldn’t love his sipping-wine-patio-party-go-entertain-yourself parents, his what-will-make-you-happy-I’ll-do-it-that’s-what-makes-me-happy brother, and the life where everything, even education, was given to him without having to lift a finger. No one else he knew felt this way, so he looked elsewhere for others like him. And he found thieves, and at once knew what kind of life he could dedicate his incredible intelligence to, instead of wasting it away sipping wine. Silver’s mother, who found her happiness in manipulation of others. She had a desire to play the devil. She was not born with it, but as she grew the love of control grew with her, to an amount that could not be fulfilled by any life other than the one she lead. Like I said, her only desire was to play the devil. And as the Team Rocket era began with Giovanni, whose ability to understand others and to bring those at their knees to their feet and those at their feet to their knees, to gain the trust of those who never trust, to fulfull every promise and create a network of thieves, assassins, and the like, over half of which would die for him… Giovanni was near a god in that sense, and he was to many of those poor who joined Team Rocket. Ariana was the devil among them, and it all ended with her. After all of Team Rocket had been finally disassembled by the dexholders and the remaining of the the remaining unwanted masked children, and Silver, the human product of the two, fulfilled his father plea to him and rescued the poor Team Rocket members, who had suffered brain damage from Pryce’s ice-alchemy control, who had been hated even more than ever before by society after Giovanni’s death, and who again now were suffering the most under poor leadership, with the executive admins all either insane or of a selfish motive, and these poor thieves who had known nothing but hate from society for who they were, who believed in Giovanni and gave up what little, prideful life they had to follow him. Giovanni’s plan for a world that valued what he believed to be right, which I may add was entire possible for a godly man like him to achieve, was cut short, and the power he had gained over others to use for “true justice” had no cap, no government to pull the wool over society’s eyes and keep them from panic, no human greed to settle the system, just confusion, chaos, fear of both sides from both sides, and likewise with hatred. This all could have settled and been figured out, but those who had some of that power, who should not be in power without a fair-minded leader above them, who should be in jail, the smartest admins of the fallen team, they sought to take advantage of the chaos and confusion and hatred and fear and grab as much as they could for themselves. And the kind-hearted, the misunderstood, those who wanted this new regime for everybody because it was the morals they believed to be right, ended up, as they always have in history despite Giovanni’s attempt to change that, suffering most. It was Giovanni’s last wish that Silver, though not indebted to Giovanni in any way, become the leader of a great new world he had been created with hopes of becoming, and stop this unneeded suffering of “those who are truly great, but misunderstood” before it leads to even more suffering for all. (Remember that Giovanni valued “well-distributed intelligence” in people above all other things.) All of Team Rocket, even those who had used Giovanni’s dream to gain power for themselves, (Courtney is an example of that kind of person, just saying), both respected and feared Giovanni, and while the great man who was like a father to so many without one had not the power to stand, his hope was that they would listen to Silver. And for Silver, who had gone from “team-rocket-is-bad-and-must-be-destroyed” to “is-this-where-I-belong?-it-can’t-be-these-people-are-scum-and-I-hate-having-it-in-my-blood-thus-I-hate-myself” to “these-people-aren’t-really-at-fault-it’s-the-greedy-ones-like-Petrel-who-take-advantage-of-people-with-good-hearts” to “I-have-to-do-this-it’s-not-who-I-am-but-it’s-what-I-can-do” to finally after all that suffering for him alone and weight he didn’t want on his shoulders etc he goes to “the-seven-of-us-have-been-a-family-all-along” and I’ve literally been on the computer typing this for almost four hours and it feels like thirty minutes and I still have to get started on homework and crap cause I’ve literally been writing this since I got home five hours ago and it was supposed to be a quick observation of how Ruby and Silver are very similar in one way, but lol I guess sometimes fate has other plans.

[goodnightkisseu]

oh sehun _ anniversary

Drabble: Sehun, fluff, regular, “I love this - fuck, I love you”

anonny “Sehun genre 2, sentence 97, regular au haha?”

Genre: Fluff

Note: I obviously cannot write a true drabble, but that’s okay! This one was a really cute one to write ;__; my heart is soft for sehun and given that he’s being such a bias wrecker right now, this is not good ;A; I hope that you all enjoy this though! As always, feel free to let me know what you think!

Enjoy~

Also, because of the situation with tumblr links, please check my bio for links to my masterlist~

Drabble requests are open! You can also find the link to the drabble prompts in my bio ^^

- goodnightkisseu’s admin / ashley <3

First anniversaries were important. So, why you decided to plan your anniversary with Sehun was beyond you. Sehun was usually the one that planned all of the nice and fun dates. He just seemed to have a knack for it. From your first date, he had taken you to a really nice restaurant followed by a dessert parlor where he had them make you a custom dessert with your favorite animal on it. Sehun was the epitome of romantic, and you knew that you would have a hard time preparing something on that level. So instead, you planned for something that was just as cozy, but also within your abilities.

In your eyes, it didn’t have to be extravagant in the same way that your friends had made it, renting nice little villas for a night or anything like that. It wasn’t really something Sehun would have enjoyed anyway. Instead, you planned something a bit quieter and to yourselves. You put together a night in, just some time to relax with each other after a long day. You had planned his favorite meal, along with dessert from that place he took you to on your first date. You planned to set up the patio with some cushions to lounge on and fairy lights to set the mood. It was going to be something low-key. Definitely not as extravagant as if he had planned it, but you thought it would be nice.

This all seemed well and good… until everything went wrong.

You had gone to work early that morning with the intention of arriving home with enough time to prepare everything before Sehun got back from work. Thing was, a last-minute meeting was scheduled just as you were about to leave and you had to take part. It ran long, of course, and you found yourself dashing out as soon as it ended, stopping by the dessert shop to pick up your order – thank goodness they were on top of things – before racing home to make dinner.

As you were running around your kitchen trying to get everything done, there was a split second where you thought it might have been doable to have food ready and look presentable before your boyfriend arrived. You really thought that things were going your way… until you realized that you hadn’t even set up the patio yet. As often as you could, you found yourself sprinting from the kitchen to the patio, setting up cushions while also making sure that your meal didn’t burn. Time slipped by quickly and in the middle of trying to hang the fairy lights while also shooing away the neighborhood cat, you heard a familiar voice call your name.

You froze as Sehun asked you what you were up to, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit dejected. You really thought that you could get this done before he got back. Yet, here you were, in your casual clothes, hair a mess, food stains on your shirt and a cat at your feet. Things definitely weren’t going as planned, but you supposed there was no turning back time now. “I’m trying to get our anniversary surprise all set up? But I guess it’s not much of a surprise anymore…” you said weakly as Sehun walked over and took the lights from you. 

“My silly girl. Let me help you,” he said through a chuckle, pinning up the lights where you had instructed him to. With his help, you managed to get everything set up and you didn’t destroy the meal that was on the stove. Sehun took over the cooking while you went to get ready for him. The two of you set the table together, had a nice meal while talking about your days, as well as your shenanigans in trying to get this all done by yourself. After some dessert, the pair of you headed outside, your hand gently pressing the speaker on your way out to set the mood. The beat was soft as Sehun pulled you against him, the pair of you swaying to the beat under the lights you had set up.

“Hey,” Sehun started, gently holding you to him as you hummed gently against his chest.

“What is it?” you asked lazily, lost in the way that your bodies swayed together and the intoxicating smell of his cologne. You loved when he held you like this.

“I love this – fuck, I love you,” he told you earnestly, watching as your eyes widened and a red tint graced your cheeks. He knew that you would be shocked by his words. He had never said them to you before. But it felt right tonight. After seeing the ridiculous effort that you put in, it warmed his heart and he could finally say those words he had been a bit scared to say from the beginning.

Gently, Sehun leaned down and you felt his forehead against yours, your cheeks still rosy. “I love you too,” you said breathlessly, and almost as soon as the words left your lips, Sehun gingerly leaned in for a kiss. Just like that, your first anniversary was a success...

[lifeidesign]

Balancing Creativity and Business As a Creative Entrepreneur

If you’ve been following me for any length of time, you’ll know that I balance being a creative and being an entrepreneur, wearing many hats in-between. Becoming a creative entrepreneur can be an interesting clash of two worlds. On the one hand, you have a creative skill that you want to market, whether it's decorating people's homes, producing music or making jewelry. On the other hand, you need to put your business hat on, and get to work promoting your creative skills or products. Growing a business while also carrying on with your creative work can be tough, and require a lot of work. So how can you balance your creativity with your need to grow your business? Take a look at some of these tips.

Delegate Work to Someone Else

Turning your creativity into a business usually means spending less time being creative and more time taking care of the business side of things. It's important to consider that this is the reality of starting a business, but you don't have to completely give up being creative. One thing that you can do is hand some of the work you're not so keen on to someone else. If you don't want to spend all of your time doing admin, you can start outsourcing or looking into hiring people who can help you. Virtual assistants may be a good way to start and can offer you flexible hours while being budget friendly.

Work on Marketing and Sales

Even if you want to spend all of your time being creative, starting a business means you need to concentrate on sales. Whether you're selling a service or physical products, you need to put time and money into marketing and sales. The right management of your sales and creation of sales content should help you to streamline your sales process and build your brand. If sales and marketing aren't for you, it's an easy thing to outsource. Alternatively, maybe it's time to start building your own sales and marketing team so you have people who you know you can rely on.

Have Separate Business and Creative Spaces

If you're trying to get down to business but can't help responding to the call of creativity, you might end up neglecting some of the important stuff. One trick that you can try is to have separate spaces for being creative and for doing business. While not everyone can do this, it's a good way to keep your two roles more distinct. You might have a creative workspace and a separate desk so one thing doesn't distract you from the other. If you work from home, you might consider finding a desk, office or studio elsewhere.

Apply Creative Thinking to Business

Even when you're taking care of all the business stuff, you can still be creative. Being able to think creatively can help you to solve problems and take an interesting approach to your work. It might not be exactly the same type of creativity that you use when you're doing other creative things, but it still gives you an opportunity to use your creativity to your advantage. Creative people can make great business people too.

Balance your creativity and business skills to run your business and you can have success without giving up on being creative. The balance won’t always be even, but can be a refreshing break when you feel like you need to change your focus.

I hope these tips helped give you some insight into how balancing creativity and business as a creative entrepreneur is doable and rewarding too!

[michaelandy101-blog]

What's a Dofollow Hyperlink?

New Post has been published on http://tiptopreview.com/what-is-a-dofollow-link/

What's a Dofollow Hyperlink?

The simpler it’s for potential prospects to seek out your website in search engine outcomes, the extra visitors (and gross sales) you’ll generate.

Consequently, there’s a sort of fixed content material competitors underway as web site house owners and directors search for methods to face out from the gang and enhance search engine optimization (search engine marketing).

Gone are the wild, wild west days of the World Huge Net the place key phrase spamming and content material stuffing had been the norm to drive search engine curiosity.

Now, manufacturers have to concentrate on extra tightly-controlled metrics — comparable to Google’s PageRank — to spice up their online attraction and push their website itemizing nearer to the primary web page, first end result pinnacle.

Whereas a part of this effort comes right down to writing related, correct, and fascinating content material, there’s one other key element: Dofollow hyperlinks. With the proper method, these hyperlinks may help leverage nice content material into larger PageRank and higher search outcomes.

Right here’s how they work.

What’s a dofollow hyperlink?

PageRank is successfully a weighted rating that makes use of hyperlinks to assign factors — the extra factors, the higher your website rank, and the higher your search engine marketing. Sometimes called “link juice” by online marketing professionals due to their skill to “flow” by way of web sites with the proper linking construction, getting these factors is a precedence for any website proprietor.

The issue? Virtually instantly after their introduction, getting factors in any manner doable grew to become the technique of many unscrupulous entrepreneurs.

The simplest solution to obtain this purpose? Leaving feedback on the posts of common web sites that contained hyperlinks again to consumer websites, in flip boosting their profile. The extra respected the linking website — assume well-respected retailers or information organizations — the larger the hyperlink juice enhance.

By default, these hyperlinks had been “dofollow” — they instructed search engines to comply with the hyperlink again to the originating website and enhance its PageRank. To resolve the rising drawback of spam hyperlinks the “nofollow” hyperlink was created: Website admins may add an HTML tag:

<a href=”http://www.web site.com/” rel=”nofollow”>Hyperlink Textual content</a>

… to any hyperlink on their website, which instructed search engines to not comply with the hyperlink again to its vacation spot and, in flip, not enhance its PageRank.

In the present day, dofollow hyperlinks stay an essential a part of search engine marketing technique — getting a “backlink” from a good website can considerably enhance PageRank values and assist manufacturers stand out. The introduction of nofollow hyperlinks, in the meantime, affords extra management for website admins.

For instance, most remark sections now embrace nofollow tags by default, and web page creators can select so as to add nofollow tags to weblog posts and different articles. Altering these hyperlinks from nofollow to dofollow is simple, however requires that vacation spot website house owners contact linking website admins and ask for the change.

Find out how to Make a Dofollow Hyperlink

Most often, no motion is required to create a dofollow hyperlink. In case your website is linked to by one other website they usually don’t select so as to add the nofollow tag, search engines will naturally arrive at your web page and improve your total PageRank.

The identical is true when you’re together with hyperlinks by yourself website. For instance, chances are you’ll select so as to add hyperlinks to different respected websites inside your personal content material and permit search engines to comply with these hyperlinks.

In case you’ve been requested by one other model to incorporate their hyperlinks in your web page or are moderating weblog feedback, in the meantime, chances are you’ll wish to activate computerized nofollow tags the place doable or be sure that all hyperlinks embrace the nofollow tag till you’re positive it is smart to comply with the hyperlink again.

That is particularly important if different hyperlinks result in low-quality or keyword-stuffed content material, since this could mirror poorly by yourself website.

Put merely? In the case of exterior hyperlinks from respected websites that lead again to your web page, dofollow is good. Hyperlinks main exterior your website and linked from your personal posts or hooked up to feedback in your content material ought to solely be dofollow if the outgoing hyperlink website is respected and related.

What instruments can be found for dofollow hyperlinks?

Questioning if a hyperlink is dofollow or nofollow? If it’s by yourself website, you may test the HTML code out of your CMS admin web page to find out if the nofollow tag is current, however what occurs when the hyperlink comes from one other, exterior website? Since you may’t see or edit their code, you may’t make certain if hyperlinks are dofollow or nofollow.

On this case, it’s price utilizing dofollow hyperlink checker instruments to find out if hyperlinks will enhance your PageRank or not.

Examples embrace:

The primary instrument is a web-based instrument that checks complete pages for nofollow and dofollow hyperlinks. Moz MozBar is a Chrome extension, whereas SEOquake is obtainable for each Chrome and Firefox. Hyperlink Analyzer, in the meantime, is a standalone instrument that doesn’t require a particular browser. Every of those instruments is free and works by following any hyperlinks to your website to find out in the event that they’re nofollow or dofollow, then experiences the outcomes.

Ought to I dofollow an exterior hyperlink?

Right here, the reply depends upon two elements: The place does the hyperlink lead, and what are the advantages when you go for dofollow? Ideally, any dofollow hyperlinks level search engines to content material that’s present, related and correct, in flip offering “link juice” for each the exterior website and your personal web site.

There could also be instances the place reciprocal dofollow hyperlinks are a good suggestion, particularly when you’re seeking to broaden website visitors and the exterior website has an analogous rating to your personal web page. Ideally, you need a mixture of nofollow and dofollow hyperlinks in your web page to make sure search engines don’t view your content material as merely a car for PageRank factors.

How lengthy will it take Google to acknowledge a dofollow hyperlink?

Whereas there’s no onerous and quick reply right here since search engine spiders crawl a major quantity of pages every day, dofollow hyperlinks are typically acknowledged by Google inside two to 4 days after being posted.

In case your website has low visitors volumes and the dofollow hyperlinks you’re creating or receiving come from equally small webpages, it may take extra time for PageRank to acknowledge these hyperlinks. In case you’re lucky sufficient to obtain a backlink from a highly-ranked website, in the meantime, you might even see the profit in just some days.

Dofollow hyperlinks stay a important facet of search engine marketing and search rating efforts, however have to be used strategically to ship substantive advantages.

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[skqq-net]

Slim SEO Keeps Options Simple and Handles the Legwork of SEO

I even had been working a weblog of some kind for the reason that Spring of 2003. In a few fast months, this might effectively effectively effectively be my 17th blog-aversary. The most important lesson I even beget realized via the years is to not attain extra work than is necessary to publish a weblog submit.

There was once a time after I fiddled with customized self-discipline containers to comely-tune each facet of a weblog submit, similar to meta key phrases, descriptions, titles, and heaps extra and heaps extra. Nonetheless, disturbing over each little little bit of metadata a few submit grew to alter into extra work than genuinely writing the weblog submit itself. It was once killing my ingenious process.

I even beget tried assorted search engine optimization plugins and even constructed this type of plugin myself as soon as. One machine or the other, I might effectively effectively effectively repeatedly technique assist to merely automating numerous the technique for no matter problem I used to be engaged on.

Some search engine optimization purists might effectively effectively effectively flinch on the basis. They might effectively effectively effectively argue that each one the items needs to be comely-tuned for basically essentially the most useful results in search engines like google and yahoo. I might effectively effectively effectively not state. Annoying about rating seems to be a by no manner-ending, uphill warfare. In my expertise, no particular plugin has ever given me an edge when put subsequent to but each different. Outcomes have been repeatedly equivalent regardless of whether or not I fixated on all of the items that alternatives-filled search engine optimization plugins outfitted or let an computerized system generate the bits and objects I compulsory.

I decided to current the Slim search engine optimization plugin a attempt. It promised to handle the dirty work and ticked numerous the containers in phrases of what I used to be making an attempt to obtain in an search engine optimization plugin.

Slim search engine optimization is a plugin constructed by eLightUp, the corporate on the assist of the Meta Area framework and GretaThemes. Given their historical past of organising great extensions for wordpress, their search engine optimization plugin made sense for a take a look at urge.

The plugin fantastically handles the basics that that you just might effectively effectively presumably quiz from an search engine optimization plugin. It mechanically handles meta tags, along with Starting Graph Tags for social media. It generates a sitemap of your public posts and pages. It outputs structured recordsdata by way of JSON-LD and not using a work on the actual particular person’s part.

TL;DR: For customers who’re seeking out for a simple search engine optimization decision with diminutive legwork, Slim search engine optimization is a precise probability. For customers who’re making an attempt to tinker with each facet of their search engine optimization, see in different places.

A Slim Explicit particular person Interface

As a specific particular person, the issues I tire of fast basically essentially the most are sophisticated options screens. Beautiful give me the basics. That’s exactly what Slim search engine optimization does. It has a single options cloak titled “search engine optimization” beneath the default “Settings” menu within the admin. On the second, basically essentially the most useful options are for inputting header and footer scripts from assorted merchandise and firms, similar to google Notice Supervisor or google Analytics.

On the post-bettering cloak, the plugin presents a simple meta field for customizing the meta title and outline. Customers might effectively effectively additionally resolve to masks the submit from search engines like google and yahoo and change the Fb and Twitter photographs for the submit. And, that’s it.

Per-post search engine optimization options meta field.

Every of those options might effectively effectively effectively moreover be skipped within the event you rating to let the plugin handle them mechanically.

Suffice it to state, I am a fan of the slimmed-down interface. The plugin has no search engine optimization scores, key phrase rankings, or 20 a whole bunch of options to grief about. It would not show a preview of what the submit might effectively effectively effectively see adore in a search engine. The options available are objects that I might effectively effectively effectively are trying to configure sometimes, so it’s great to beget the pliability to realize so when compulsory.

The Downsides of the Plugin

Slimmed-down would not repeatedly equate to being higher. You assemble sacrifices by permitting the plugin to assemble choices that might effectively effectively effectively not repeatedly be basically essentially the most useful to your plot. Defend these in ideas when deciding whether or not to make use of the plugin.

Automated Redirects

One among the many supreme downsides of computerized packages is that I sometimes want issues to be dealt with in each different case by the plugin. The plugin’s computerized redirect attribute is an accurate occasion of that state of affairs. Out of the field, the plugin will redirect all attachment web page views to the media file. It additionally redirects visitors to creator archive pages to the house web page if the creator has not written any posts or on single-creator web pages.

These auto-redirects might effectively effectively effectively be easy for some cease-users, nevertheless they don’t seem to be one thing I want. The advise is there is not this type of factor as a specific technique to disable this attribute, even by way of code.

Header Cleanup

The plugin additionally has a “cleanup” attribute that mechanically removes the RSD hyperlink, Home windows Live Creator manifest hyperlink, wordpress mannequin quantity, and submit shortlink from the quandary on the entrance stop. It will probably effectively really effectively effectively be easy to eat this stuff, nevertheless their elimination might effectively effectively effectively be extra applicable in a cleanup wordpress mannequin of plugin instead of a plugin fascinated about search engine optimization.

Automated Picture Alt Attributes

Slim search engine optimization mechanically provides the alt attribute to submit thumbnails and when inserting photographs into the editor. The advise is that it makes make use of of the attachment title. This might effectively effectively effectively assemble accessibility worse than merely leaving the alt attribute empty. In case your attachment title is one thing adore DS_IMG9453.jpg, it would not precisely image a picture.

Breadcrumbs

The plugin has a shortcode for outputting breadcrumbs. It must both be manually added to a shortcode-conscious quandary or inside a theme template.

The breadcrumbs performance presents a baseline expertise. It doesn’t handle each state of affairs and even shut to each state of affairs. The attribute should not be going to obtain you a great distance with extremely-complicated setups. Nonetheless, it might possibly effectively effectively effectively work OK for the frequent set up.

That’s par for the course with search engine optimization plugins — mediocre breadcrumbs at handiest. Frankly, search engine optimization plugins must fall breadcrumbs from the attribute listing and let entirely-fledged breadcrumb plugins attain their half. Customers must make use of resolve for a plugin that particularly makes a speciality of being a breadcrumb plugin. Authors who perform these are inclined to beget extra expertise going via edge instances.

How Does the Code Stack Up?

From a programming perspective, the code is trim and specific. It is 90% to the extent the place it would be. The missing 10% is that there do not look like any references to numerous the objects the plugin creates. Proper right here should not be an state of affairs minute to this plugin and is extra frequent than it would be.

This state of affairs makes it subsequent to not doable to eat actions and filters from hooks. For cease-users, this does not subject. For builders, it’s not a frustration-free situation to manipulate how the plugin works. This might effectively effectively effectively with out considerations be solved in assorted methods, similar to using a container, service locator, static single event, singleton, or possibly a world. Whether or not or not a few of those packages have to be deployed is previous the scope of this evaluate. Nonetheless, some reference to the plugin’s objects would assist.

Addressing this state of affairs would technique in at hand disabling these auto-redirects.

The Most interesting Verdict

Apart from a handful of admittedly trivial gripes, I might effectively effectively effectively make use of this plugin in lieu of search engine optimization plugins with extra options. Years of working a few web sites has taught me to blueprint shut for basically essentially the most great options in disclose that I am able to procure assist to doing the issues I enjoy doing.

In case you occur to rating to micro-organize each facet of your search engine optimization, there are heaps of present options accessible. Slim search engine optimization should not be going to fit your desires.

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[btsreactionsandtexts]

BTS Single Parent AU

kookies-and-myrok asked: Hello, sweets! I love your writing and I'm not just saying that Lol i always get excited when you post smt, anyways do you write parent au's? If you do can I get a BTS reaction about what they would be like as a single parent? If not then its okay! Keep up the great work 💜

This doesn’t necessarily work as a reaction, but I can do a little like... bullet drabble or whatever on this. Either way, very doable. - Admin Dayna

Seokjin

There’s like... this anime called Amaama to Inazuma (a.k.a. Sweetness and Lightning) which is basically about a single father who raises his daughter to the best of his abilities but he can’t cook as well as his wife (who passed away). I see Single Parent!Jin being like that... except in Jin’s case he can actually throw down in a kitchen

Lots of love and affection

Smothers his baby girl with kisses before dropping her off to daycare and after picking her up

The daycare moms thirst after him bOI

His cookies sold out the fastest at the school bakery

Partially because Daycare Moms are trying to give him the succ

Mainly because his cookies are bomb asf

He got hoes

Reads/sings his daughter to sleep at night religiously

Chocolate covered Strawberries while they watch cartoons together

Shed a single tear in the beginning of Finding Nemo evRYTIM

Was literally floating on air for like a month because his daughter told him he was the “handsomest appa”

Tries really hard to scold his baby girl

Can’t look her in the face when he does it because she’s too damn cute

Puppy Dog Eyes work every once in a while tbh

Will cAUSE A FUCKING SCENE IF HE EVER HEARD SOMEONE WAS BULLYING HIS CHILD

Dad jokes, fucking duh.

Yoongi

Picture this: Yoongi is chilling, right? Lounging on the sofa, watching some psychological mystery film or whatever emo shit he watches. His face is pretty indifferent. He’s unbothered asf. His right arm is covered in scribbles and squiggles. His 7 year old son is currently surrounded by markers, casually doodling on his dad’s arm.

Lets his son choose whatever toys he wants

If his baby boy wants a nerf gun, he’ll get a nerf gun.

If his baby boy wants a fucking bubblegum pink barbie jeep atv, he’s getting a fucking bubblegum pink barbie jeep atv.

Also lets his kid wear whatever he wants

Supports the creative and imaginative endeavors of his child

Does not support coloRING ON THE WALL YOU LIL DEMON BABY

Sometimes stares at his child and thinks “whose mans is this?”

Also looks at his child and thinks “that’s the love of my life”.

One time considered redecorating his closet just so that he can hang a bunch of mirrors on the wall so that whenever his child does something stupid, he can sit him in that closet and close the door so that he can look at his reflection and reevaluate his 7 years long life.

All in all he’s a super supportive daddio.

He’s not like the other dads.

He’s a Cool Dad™

Hoseok

Sitcom dad.

Literally Phil Dunphy from Modern Family.

Tell his kids a lot of stories about his “glory days”

His preteen daughter is like... hella embarrassed by him, but is highkey just as dorky as he is

Still got the juice

Can be super stern when need be

His kids knows that if they have an issue they can always talk to him about it

Has the warmest hugs when the days been rough

Shares both maternal and fraternal instincts 

Can flawlessly switch between motherly and fatherly traits

Tries to make inside jokes with his children

It never works.

“Stop trying to make fetch happen, Hobi. It’s not going to happen”

The best hype man tbh

“YOU SEE THE KID IN THE WHITE SHIRT? THAT’S MINE. I MADE HIM”

Namjoon

You know that cliche where it’s like... the mom leaves the kids alone with the father for a day. And the dad is like “don’t worry honey, I got this” but then the second the mom leaves, there’s toys everywhere, the kids are running around naked, the water he was boiling is on fire, shit has literally hit the fan, the groUND HAS ACTUALLY SPLIT OPEN INTO THE FIERY PITS OF HELL - but he last minute manages to get everything together and in order before the mom comes and finds out? 

That’s Namjoon.

Except like... 24/7 without the mom

Super fast dad reflexes

Also kinda annoying dad noises?

Really good at tutoring the kids with school work and stuff

He taught them majority of their math and science formulas by turning them into catchy songs

Has given up trying to be the cool dad yEARS ago

He’s just not about that life

It’s okay though because his kid’s friends thinks he’s cool

Makes sure his children are WOKE ASF

Tries to enforce bedtime

Keeps them up at night by playing games and/or watching movies together

Lets them go out whenever they want as long as they keep in touch often

Lets his kids make mistakes and learn from them instead of sheltering them from harms way

Motivational Speeches that are actually motivational

God awful happy dances

Hangs his kids A+ test papers on the fridge

“If you show me you got straight A’s at the end of the semester, you can absolutely get your nose pierced” (he says to his 14 year old daughter).

Jimin

Everyone knows that one person who has that really young but super hot mom or dad. Like, they’re lowkey popular and often have friends over because their friends kinda just want to be around their good looking parent.

Stacy’s Mom got it going on

Except it’s like... idk... Park Jae Sun’s Appa got it going on...

Whatever you get what I mean.

He’s a Dilf

Lets his kid invite his friends over whenever they want to

Doesn’t realize that his child’s friends are high key checking him out

Constantly checking up on them to see how they’re doing

“Are you guys okay?”

“Is the house too cold?”

“Would you like something to eat/drink?”

“Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Don’t be afraid to ask”

A little overbearing if I’m going to be honest

May even shelter his child a little too much

Good morning texts and sticky note reminders around the house

Makes sure his child has food for school everyday, never missing a beat

Proud Dad always

His son is bigger than him

Has to look up at him in order to look his son in the eye to properly reprimand or lecture him

Gets pissed whenever he isn’t taken seriously when giving scoldings

Feels really bad whenever he punishes his kids, and makes up for it with like ice cream or something

Babies make his little mochi heart flutter

Taehyung

He’s the epitome of husband/daddy material. I think Taehyung would make a great dad. He’s the perfect balance of literally all the others.

Which one is the parent and which one is the kid?

Knows how to get down to the level of a child, and properly play with them

Inside jokes with his kids

They say goodbye with aegyo

Openly tells each other they love one another

Likes to squish his baby’s cheeks and blow raspberries on their tummy

Loves the satisfying feeling that follows finally putting a crying baby to sleep

Watches his baby’s tummy rise and fall as they breathe

Hysterically laughs at his child’s laughter

His box smile is strong, and can literally be found in all of his kids.

Also has like, three dogs, but the more the merrier, right?

Isn’t too hard on his kids, but isn’t lenient on them either

Is a healthy medium between strict and easy going

Enforces a proper education but also lets them know that school isn’t the only way to a successful and happy lifestyle

Plays pretend with his children on the weekend

Always ends up in a too small princess dress with ribbons in his hair

Jungkook

You know those kids who are extremely close to their parents to the point where it’s like... and outsider watches the way they talk to their parents and finds it their causality with each other borderline disrespectful? You know those kids who can like... curse around their parents and talks to their parents like it’s another one of their friends and their parent talks back to them just as casually? 

That’s the type of dad Jungkook is.

Plays video games with his kids whenever their schedules allow them some free time together

Him and his kids have a group chat together where they share memes and ugly selfies but also like... keep up to date with school events and whatnot

Follows each other on Snapchat, Twitter, and Instagram

Not the best with giving advice, but his kids know that he’s a shoulder they can cry on

Offers to help them with homework, but ends up just as confused 

They all live off snacks and the neighborhood ahjumma had to start cooking actual meals for them

His kids actually care and asks their dad’s opinion on stuff about like... hair or clothing or something

He picks up on his kids habits and his kids pick up on his

they look like a bunch of bunnies tbh

They all have their own rooms, but Jungkook and his kids always manage to fall asleep dog piled on the living room sofa

[smuttyfairy]

Admin Smuttyfairy @ BTS WINGS TOUR CONCERT IN NEWARK DAY 2

Hello peoples! Here is my very much somewhat long ass post on the concert I attended! I apologize for such a late post of this but I’ve just been so wiped out and tired since then. 

This is written over the span of the past few days since the concert so the entire thing is a little rough and much of a blur. Beware of some nonsense and small grammar errors here and there.

I will also have a list of tips for anyone who needs it (towards the bottom)!

Okay so while I have this fresh on my mind, I’ll go ahead and explain and kind of story-tell the day and everything.

So, starting Thursday night we heard that the Friday concert people were already camping out. So we kind of freaked a little and decided to go extreme but not too crazy extreme. Get what I mean?

So, we woke up at 5AM, literally rolled out of our pajamas and called and UBER to take us to prudential center. To make things worse, we all went to bed around 12-1AM (me being last to sleep of course), and at some point in the night wake up to pee at 3:30AM and couldn’t go back to sleep. SO I WAS BASICALLY RUNNING ON 2 & HALF HOURS RIP ME GUYS.

To makes matters just a tad bit worse we didn’t really eat a full meal before we left and before attending the actual concert. B r o. I was dying the whole day.

ANYWAY BACK TO 5-6AM STAKE OUT. Powerhouse was giving wristbands to GA for entrance into the center at 11AM. We get to the place and we oh roughly estimate there’s about 150-200 fans already out?? So we felt pretty good about our place in terms of getting into the concert venue itself. LORD THE COLD. I thought I was going to lose my mind. My toes were frozen, at one point I couldn’t feel my feet and man just being in the cold hurts. BUT WE SURVIVED. WE DID IT. THE WHOLE 5-6 HOUR WAIT. I say 5-6 hour wait because at 11AM they started distributing the wristbands in a careful order so it took waaaaay longer than I thought it should have. We ended up leaving the venue to go back to our hotel to get ready for the actual concert maybe around 12-1:30??? And we had to get back by 3PM since Admin Wangfairy and our other friend had soundcheck.

So we split up, Admin Kookfairy and another friend of ours, we attempt to find merch but of course it’s all sold out (cries af) except for towels and the 2nd version BTS lightsticks. I also wanted to try out the BTS photobook but the line was sooosoosoossosooooooo long and we had to get in line for our GA access at 5-530PM (honestly can’t remember) Bc they wanted us in our numbered ordered and of course that was difficult af.

Anyway, 5:30PM or so rolls on and the four of us booked (but not really Bc security didn’t want us to run) it as soon as we got scanned in and everything. Admin Wangfairy was in P1 and our other friend and myself were in P2.

The wait was long but doable. I met a few nice people there and even sat and took a rest for my feet and legs for a bit since I was practically low on energy and everything. I was actually ready to just pass tf out when I sat down tho hahaha. RIP. I was really tired y'all.

Anyway, our friend and I were in the middle, pretty somewhat decently close to the stage but not close up to be noticed or touched. MVs were playing and the fans would sing along and scream and sing fanchants while the stadium slowly filled up.

By 7:30 the music was blasted much louder than before and then finally after the last MV played, the intro VCR played. BRO THAT WAS A LIT INTRO VCR THO.

Anyway, after the VCR the boys come up and ohhhhh my godddd. I’ve been to a few other KPOP concerts before but I’ve never firsthand experienced being in a GA PIT standing. B R O. ITS AS WILD AS EVERYONE SAYS. Like if you’re not by the barricade/rails near the stage then your kinda fucked, especially if you’re in the mush of the inner crowd. As soon as BTS dropped into the scene I was being pushed all over, forward and side to side oh my godddd. My position itself shifted multiple times. I even lost my friend and got worried Bc she’s such a smol.

Another thing, I’m flipping short y'all and some people were tol or had their phones up. Like I couldn’t see the main stage BTS performed on :/ it was disappointing for me :( and like I already hadn’t eaten anything nor drunk enough water throughout the day like I’m supposed to and I had to deal with people shoving and pushing in the crowd with sweat and our bodies touching. It was very gross and grimey and damn I was a sweating mess.

OK SO. Of course the first song that is performed is Not Today and ohhh my god when the curtain dropped and the music played and the dramatic and rude ass sexual gotmefeelingsometypeofwaybutimstillhypeaf look was showed on the screens shiittttt I couldn’t even believe I was seeing BTS in the golden af flesh. LEGIT THEY ARE ALL MORE BEAUTIFUL IN PERSON COMPARED TO WHAT YOU SEE THROUGH PICTURES AND FANCAMS (It was the same for EXO & GOT7 too yall). OK BACK TO NOT TODAY. I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES. THEY WERE SO TAN, SO GLIMMERING AND SHINING AND REAL??? And ohhhh my god. Y'all know I’m a huge hoe for Jungkook but god dAmn Taehyung with the headband and just the way he LoOkEd overall IT HAD ME FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY (Im starting go relive my tae feels can y'all tell).

I can’t remember the exact order of the songs they performed because it really went by so fast even though the entire concert was 2 and a half hours. I recorded a few performances and I took a couple (maybe many) pics of Jungkook towards the end when he was standing still (I’ll upload these when I get home). Nonetheless, I definitely enjoyed and partied it up with the crowd when I was recording. I really took in the performances and tried to get a good glimpse of the boys but they were on the main stage so it was difficult to see especially when people were in front of me and had their army bombs and cameras up in the air (I was on my toes too).

When Jungkook’s solo stage came on I seriously stopped breathing Bc *sniff* THATS BABE YALL. His voice and beauty and moves and just everything is so unreal he has so much stamina and he’s so built, his thighs are as thick we all see them in pics and just oh. My. God. Jeon Jungkook is a golden beauty and I swear I’ve never been so in love with an idol like this. AND BOOOOIIIII he was sweating SO MUCH. HE SWEAT TF OUT OF HIS SHIRT YOU COULD SEE HIS CHEST THROUGH THE SWEAT ON HIS SHIRT. Y'all know I was screaming my head off.

The next solo stage was Jiminnieboo and omfggg. Listen yall, it was sin af. The lights were red and I swear his top was so low you could see a pec if he bent over a bit. You think suffering through the screen of watching his fancams and the short film of Lie was bad? LORDDDDD. JUST LISTENING TO IT AND WATCHING IT ON THE BIG SCREEN LIVE AND SEEING FROM THE TIPS OF MY TOES ABOVE THE TALL ASS STAGE WAS EVEN WORSE. Never have I ever wanted to suffer so much more by watching this performance. And watching him just dance is so hot like omfg it was great, I love not breathing air and holy shit when he put the blindfold on, I lost my shit and wanted to fling myself in a pit of fire as I’m sure everyone else in the stadium did too. I’m sure at this point I was so focused on just trying to suffer I ended up gawking and staring up at the screen with drool running down the corner of my mouth.

The next solo stage was Yoongs’ and holy jesus Christ when his VCR came on I was so shook af???? LIKE THE VCR IDK MAN??? IT WAS SO ATTRACTIVE JUST SEEING HIS FACE AND SHIT BEING ANGSTY AND HOT AND JUST BEING YOONGI???? LIKE IDK MAN THIS ERA WITH THE BLACK HAIR KINDA FUCKS ME UP???? BUT ANYWAY. Can u believe he rose from the stage leaning all cool and shit against the piano. LIKE B O I YESSSS. And then he drops the first line from his song and suddenly all the screaming you hear comes to a halt? Was that just my mind doing that? :’) His stage was beautiful yall…I can’t believe I heard and watched Min Yoongi perform his solo song :’) Unfortunately it was performed on the main stage so, the struggle was real yall.

After that, MY FAV SONG COMES ON YALL. L O S T. THE BOYS ROSE FROM THE EXTENDED STAGE IN FRONT OF P2. HOLY SHIT THE CROWD WAS WILDT AF AND THERE WAS SO MUCH SHOVING AND PUSHING AT THIS TIME IT WAS FLIPPING ANNOYING AND CRAZY.

But anyway, below is a pic of how close I was :’)

I couldn’t believe I was seeing this stage so close?? And I couldn’t stop looking at Jungkook holy cow he was just so attractive man :’) And the choreo for this song is so beautiful god I can’t even explain just how enticing this performance was for me.

I’m finishing writing this two days later so my memory at this point is a blur RIP ME (I fell asleep when I started writing this and it was hours right after the concert and we spent the whole day in NYC so again couldn’t finish this). I think Namjoon was next. But man…his song Reflection. IT MAKES ME SO EMO. As soon as it dropped I got goosebumps and I just wanted to jump a cliff tbh. Whenever his lyrics “I wish I could love myself” came on, the crowd yelled “We love you” which I wasn’t expecting at all to be that loud but mannnn CHILLS AF.

The next solo stage I believe was Tae’s? I recorded this one even though he performed on the main stage but I captured the video screen! His voice is so great guys, I can’t believe the range he’s capable of :’) he’s not Jungkook or Jimin but who tf says he can’t sing bc he is Kim fucking Taehyung and he is a beautiful ass vocalist :’) how can his voice be as deep as the sea but reach the height of the empire state building?!! TT His stage was so emo, and so beautiful and emotional and jfiewaougfjawe I can’t even. I REALLY love this song too TT ARE YOU CALLING ME A SINNER

The next performance is Hobi’s!! HEY MAMAFIEOFJOFA. CAN I JUST SAY W O W. You know this shit was lit and just breath taking because this boy is such a cute sunshiny fluff ball and he’s over here performing this song about his mom :’) And even though it seems like the song is very pop and happy, there’s like that seemingly sad tone to it?? AM I MAKING ANY SENSE???? But ugh…the background screen would play clips of his past from the old eras, predebut and baby pics…my god it was just emotional to see it all there while he’s performing :’) And his energy and vocality is TT ughghhgg the stage was GREAT MAN THE STAGE WAS GREAT //SOBS// HELLO MAMA TTTTTTTTTTTT

After that is of course mama Jin :’) ughhhh this song guys :’) it emotionally wrecks me. It was just so beautiful and breathtaking to watch Jin perform this and hearing all the fans quiet down but also sing along to the song with him :’) I was so shocked that the fans were singing so loudly man and I just felt so proud and my heart clenched bc I’m pretty sure by the end of his performance Jin was on the brink of tears :’) I just felt so glad that we were able to move him in that way, even if it were just a little.

After Jin’s perf was of course C Y P H E RRRRRR WOOOOOO B RO THAT STAGE WAS L I T. LEMME TELL YOU MAN. THEY ARE RAP GODS RAP KINGS ALL SUPED UP IN THAT VELVETY DRAPE LIKE Y E S STEP ON ME???? The crowd was of course wild and jesus pit was crazy because rap line performed this on the extended stage so my ass was getting pushed all over :’) ESPECIALLY DURING FIRE MY GOD IT WAS SO ANNOYING I CANT STRESS THAT ENOUGH. But still, FIYAAAAAA OH AYE OHHHFEWAOIF. When all of the boys stepped out in those red velvet blazers holy Christ man…THEY LOOK LIKE FUCKCING KINGS??? I mean they are tbh!! After that they performed their older singles and performed 21st century girl and of course that was lit :’) I enjoyed myself here and really just hyped it up and sang along and everything!

After the ment, the next song is Boy Meets Evil. This was performed on the main stage I believe? I remember struggling to see it on stage so it must have been. After that is BST of course and all our asses get wrecked as soon as the instrumental for it drops and the boys come out on stage and get into position and then BAM. PIDDAMNUNMUL *cue moment of self black out bc I cant remember shit so I must have suffered so bad I lost my memory* But seriously though, the fanchants and fans just screaming and singing along to this song was amazing and it just felt really nice :’)

After that they did another ment and said they’d perform one last song? I think it was this one where they said it??? Or was it before BST? O_O okay well, WINGS started playing and the boys danced all over and got really hyped and interreacted with the crowd and everything! They had a dance battle during the dance break part before Hobi’s rap which was a blessing to watch on the extended stage. And then after that they all crouched in front of the camera as Hobi rapped his part and all hyped it up together and man it was a great performance.

I can’t actually remember when or where they said they were going to perform one last song but after chanting BTS a VCR came on and it was a deep one for sure. A montage of their older mvs (the most recent ones from HYYH era I think). I kinda want to watch this again because there’s a quote I saw there that I really liked TT but it was really moving bc one boy = 7 hearts?(something like that) :’)

After that, 2!3! Hoping for better days starts which I think I remember most of the fans sang along to! And then the finally song they performed was Spring Day and of course that was beautiful. I think at this point I was so wiped out the only thing I did was take it all in before the concert ended and just yelled the fanchants and sang along to the song.

Before I knew, the boys said their thanks and goodbyes and then the concert was over and the credits started rolling and the lights were back on and the boys were gone :’)

While this is not the first concert I’ve been to, I’d like to think that this was one of the best ones yet even though I suffered and stressed in pit. Eventually I found my smol friend and we met up with our other two and left the building and off to our hotel.

Anyway, that was my experience! If I had finished it the first day I started working on this it would have probably been a little more detailed so I apologize again for that :’) I hope my experience will hype you guys up for your concert day if you are attending!

- - -TIPS - - -

-Definitely get a lot of rest before the concert date starts. Eat and hydrate very well beforehand just in case you don’t have time or can’t during the day of.

-If you plan on camping out and/or staying out overnight, please make sure to check the weather and be safe and aware of your surroundings if you’re unfamiliar with the area. Also make sure to bring snacks (preferably fruit or granola bars) and water (also, try to keep it clean and don’t be one of those assholes who leave their trash on the ground and scattered all over for the wind to make an even bigger mess). Also if it’s cold af, bringing blankets and hand warmers will help to keep you warm and somehow survive.

-if you’re going alone and you’re worried about meeting people and making friends: don’t be afraid! The people around you are nice (or should be) and they are just as hyped to see BTS perform just as you are! Start a convo and ask where they’re from and who’s their bias of the group and what’s a favorite song they can’t wait to watch be performed!

-if you’re standing in pit: if you get offered a banner I would suggest you either decline it bc you won’t have the hands to hold it OR gladly take it and roll it and keep it in your bag just to store it there because when you’re in pit you will most likely only care about the performance and wanting to try and record it OR may want to just enjoy yourself without the obstruction of any other object but your phone and a bts bomb lightstick in your hands. That’s how it was for everyone in pit at my concert day.

-if you plan on buying merch: bring a bag or decent sized backpack to store your merch in! You want to try and keep from holding too many things in your hands during the concert and this will prevent you from losing things.

-the photo booth: if you plan on using the photo booth, it should be outside the venue somewhere nearby. How it works is by luck and randomness. Depending on the venue I think, you will answer a survey and receive a photocard collage of BTS. A box will be nearby and you will be given the chance to draw from the box for a chance at the photo booth. If you draw an orange ball, you will get to use the photo booth. If you do not get the orange ball, you will have to step out y fortunately :/ (I’m not sure if they let you redo it all over a second time tho). The line for this gets ridiculous.

-if you’re short and you’re standing in pit, I would suggest y'all wear something comfy for the heat (wear deodorant too) and possibly heels or platforms or boots with tall heels so you can see just above the stage and above the heads of the people around you. I was regretting I didn’t bring the tall heels I had Bc I’m sure I would have enjoyed the concert much better. :’)

-if you have signs or fanart you want to show the boys, please be aware of the people behind you and do not obstruct their view. It’s rude and unfair to them so if you’re going to do it, do it for a short time.

-what you do and how you spend your time at the concert is all on you in terms of recording and taking pictures, however I recommend you guys to enjoy the concert as best as you can and try to really embed it into your memory 💕

Good luck and have fun!

[jess-oh]

Reflection

I’m pretty tired but I just showered so I’m feeling better now. I do really want to write this before going to sleep tonight.

I’ve been getting a lot better at sleeping earlier and getting everything done much sooner! Working on the first floor is always fun. But, since I don’t stay up as late anymore, I don’t get as much done and I feel like I’m procrastinating. Like if I just stayed up tonight, I could knock my graphic design hw out of the park but then I would be really tired at church tomorrow. And I do want to pay attention and better develop my relationship with God. I actually didn’t get depressed today though, which is gr9. Overal, today was a pretty good day. I hope I’m not just rushing into things tho.

I woke up around 7am but decided to push myself to go back to sleep bc I could and by 9am, I was up and ready to start the day. So I waited about 40min for Sam to rejoin the living before Skyping him. We discussed games and settled on what to do. I was trying really hard not to micromanage and make him do what I want to do and just be okay with his decision. I trust his decision. Also, yknow, if it fails, I can blame it on him since it was his call. But I know I shouldn’t. If the second game fails, I should be the one to take responsibility and figure it out. Not him. Sigh. Anyway, I was a little frustrated this morning bc Rhyarna didn’t wake up in time and Emily and Eliza were taking their sweet time to get ready. But I also didn’t plan it super well so I didn’t say anything. I was partly to blame. I should’ve checked the transportation times before today and told them that we’d be leaving ten minutes earlier instead of 11;30, when the bus would be arriving. So it was really my fault, not theirs. And we were about 8min late but that was okay. The apartment in Hyde Park was super nice and I was surprised to like it so much. I was prepared to just say we were just looking around but they’re actually willing to secure the apartment for us until June 1st which is amazing. After going over utilities, renter’s insurance, and all that jazz, the living expenses aren’t actually too bad! I think I could handle paying for my own utilities along with groceries for a while. And my parents are okay with paying for my rent each month. It really just comes down to Rhyarna. And I know that it’s a process but I really hope she decides soon bc I really want to live there. It would be so much fun living off campus in my own apartment. I’m actually adulting! It’s exciting! And I hope I’m not being too eager! I should probably look for work elsewhere as well bc I won’t be able to work the whole time over the summer since it’s an on campus thing. I would want to but I don’t think any shifts will be available. I sure wish I could tho. I definitely need to start saving money now. It would take me about 13 weeks to reach a thousand dollars if I took out 20% of my paycheck everytime. Which is actually almost the whole semester... And even though we get a lot of money back during the second month, that’s basically all my money for the first two months right there. Well, no. Because my parents would be covering that. And yeah, with that money it would be the admin fee, move in fee, renters insurance, etc. But still, I think I could live off of $1000 for a couple months. Maybe not until October though since we usually have to wait a month before the money starts to roll in...hm.... Usually, groceries are going to cost me ~$60 every couple weeks. I could probably get away with $30 if I really tried to budget. And in that case, I could save more money sooner. I need to be able to last 4 months off of however much money. And if it was just groceries, that’d probably be okay. But I have to think about furniture too which would be a big chunk of it right away. Hm, maybe moving in so early isn’t such a good deal after all. Unless I keep working and find a different job, at least for over the summer while I’m in Chicago? That would definitely help me a lot. Well, I should definitely start saving at least 20% of each paycheck now. and we’ll see if i can find a job over the summer. i would work now but i dont want to overwhelm myself w/ 20hrs at work rn on top of school. i should ease into that if i want to work even more so that i still have time for hw and my church activities. But I think I’ll be okay. Hopefully. I also want to still buy birthday gifts for my friends this year so that may be an issue later on. Even rn, I’m thinking of going back to my sub of the day lifestyle bc i want to get Jeanne&David a gift now but by the time I get paid, it’ll be too late. So I have to use the money I have rn. Imma be broke, real fast. I should’ve taken better care of it. I am taking care of myself a lot more this year but I’m slowly realizing how expensive it is. It makes me almost regret it. 

Anyway, Hyde Park was really nice and all the while, I texted Andrew when I could and it was really nice. He was just venting about Emily and how he’s moving on and I’m really happy for him. It was nice to see him so excited. Or I guess emotional is a better word? He claims to be a really chill guy and he is but I’m also so happy whenever he allows himself to have emotions. To feel anger and frustration and joy and sadness and everything in between. It’s okay to be an emotional person. That’s what makes you human. And I was really glad to be talking with him. And I know I was pretty pessimistic towards Emily in the past but I’m really trying to be more optimistic now and give her the benefit of the doubt instead of always immediately assuming the worst and encouraging Andrew to do the same. By the way, I don’t think I could ever tell him that I liked him in a crush sort of way. It would change everything. And not necessarily bc we’re friends and that’d be weird but bc I discovered that he’s a really emotional person and I don’t want to mess with him like that. That’s just shitty and he doesn’t deserve that. Especially right now. Also, I kind of liked how the other day I was in the middle of typing a message to him but never sent it. It was a good reminder so I purposefully did it again last night. It was something along the lines of, “I’m happy for you and I don’t want to take that away from you so I don’t want to say anything to you.” But when I was so excited to reply to him today, I ended up just deleting that immediately and almost regretted that I didn’t actually write it down. But I am pretty sure that it was along the lines of that so I’m glad that I got to document it somewhere to look back on. 

But after that, we traveled up to Bucktown and were a bit intimidated by the apartment. It was really nice but a little too nice. I don’t think we were ready for it. It even had an upstairs. It straight up felt like a house. It actually had a laundry room and everything. And while the price was doable, I think we were all a bit scared. And plus, the tenants are looking for someone to move in by March 1st anyway which is a bit too early for us so it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. But it was still nice to check out and understand the different neighborhoods a bit better.

After that, Rhyarna and Emily hung out while Eliza and I went back to the dorm. Oh, we also ate at McDonalds and played on a playground after the second apartment. That was actually so much fun just being able to let go and feeling like a kid again. Being unapologetically dumb, haha.

But yeah, Eliza and I went home and she knocked out while I chatted on the phone a bit with my sister and then doing more research into the apartment. Then, we went back out to Hyde Park along with Rhyarna’s roommate and just explored the area. I did feel like I was going out of my way to be witty and funny that night but it was still a fun experience nonetheless. And plus, her roomie actually had a wine opener so I finally opened the bottle and drank with my friends. And then I decided to give the rest to my roommates so that they could take it away from me. Which I think was the right thing to do. But I also wasn’t living the most Christlike today which I do regret. I kept trying to fit in and be cool by cussing and saying I casually drink and using the Lord’s name in vain and I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry. I was definitely aware of what I was doing and saying and how it was wrong but I continued anyway. 

I do want to continue to be more open and accepting of who God is and really embrace that but I’m not there yet. I did pray long and hard about whether or not I should become a member at Lakeview and God gave me multiple signs that I should stay and commit. But at this point in my life, I am still hardcore struggling to rely on Him instead of myself and that makes me feel like I’m not quite ready to make that step yet. But maybe that’s moreso serving next year with Lakeview. And I haven’t really had time to pray about it either which is unfortunate but that’s really my own fault. Aside from not having a great outlet so I can just pray, I also think a part of me is afraid of the answer that God is going to show me. And I honestly don’t know which possibility I’m more scared of. But that’s where I’m at right now. I think I’ll take the forms to church tomorrow and be ready to give them to P. William but who knows if I’ll actually move forward with it. We’ll see what happens tomorrow.