#so idk... i think ill leave the tag for the important stuff that matters and helps

[ijustwannamakeemojis]

[ID: A single pixel heart of the Palestinian flag. End ID]

>Link to a guide on how to help<

[lesbenson]

lovely ali @fairydyke-mothr tagged me to post 5 things i can't stop writing <3 i am not much of a writer beyond fics aka half formed fic ideas so this list will be a lil messy. i have the most stuff for ted lasso and svu but ill focus on svu here LOL

1. toxic WASTE eo like love confessions buried in the nastiest arguments ever. im sorry i just love mess. similarly, someone saying i love you and being hit with like "no you dont. die" or "i wish i didnt" also eo as the soulmates who should never have met ive blown apart my life for you and eo from every outside view being the two most infuriating people ever (as explained by kathy stabler to barba, and amanda to liv and to elliot). eo who became a swirling black hole that took everyone with them. i think its easier for me to write eo from like other character povs bc i didnt originally watch the eo seasons so theres always an element of like. ghostly entity elliot stabler coloring my perception of him And i find their dynamic really hard to put into words in like. an interesting way. theyre just insane idk

2. the olivia bensonism of right where you left me and her constant fear of being left behind + her pushing people away + single most important person in my life and you just disappeared i have a few different "i cant do this" lines written and this last ep has obviously only made me worse

i also have elliot getting offered a transfer back to rome and in a moment of pure insanity telling liv he'll do whatever she asks him to. and because shes Her she tells him to leave and hes like okay ? and shes like i am obviously lying what is wrong with you.

a lot of sad liv internal monologues about how she misses elliot every moment that shes with him

3. the girls are fightiiing my list of conversations amanda and liv have never had and my ongoing list of out of pocket things liv has said or done to amanda <3 mess ! and a random fight about kim that leads to kissing lol

also a list of random thoughts about liv and amanda when i was first figuring out their dynamic like "real canon compliant rollivia means fighting and miscommunication"

4. amanda taking eo matters into her own hands. she talks to stabler. a lot. and she yells at liv for not making a move after she finds out about the intervention. more on this as it develops.

5. girl. grief and parental trauma ! the mother wound chile ! olivia bensons slight obsessive jealous homoerotic hatred of other women in non professional settings ! this became a note about how she separates everyone she meets into a kathy stabler or a serena benson and uses that to inform her feelings towards them

uhhhh if anyone wants more of any of these lmk?

tagging @o6666666 @heinouslydedicated @hargiloni @electricnachos @katiecotugno

[transhawks]

do u feel the reaction to hawks supposedly sticking to endeavor is warranted? idk i feel like no one is giving hawks a bit of understanding like his approach is wrong, but its not as if his own abuse hasnt lead him to idolize endeavor

Here are my thoughts, and I don’t think there’s gonna be any validation for either argument here. 

For one thing, I’ve seen far more people saying that Hawks’s feelings towards Endeavor are warranted due to him being an abuse victim and that it’s wrong to call him an apologist than I’ve seen people calling him an abuse apologist. That might be me looking at the tags. My own views are these: much like with Dabi, things are simply, “this explains it”. It does not ‘excuse’ - what excuses actions are things we find moral. 

Now, as anyone following me knows, I have extreme leftist sympathies and do not believe in non-violent tactics being upheld as more moral than violent ones. Thus, some of the disruptive actions of the league are well in line with my moral values. So, let’s say, Dabi throwing all that stuff in the open during his video? I approved of it. Him burning Shouto to upset his father? Fucked and I hope there’s narrative punishment for it (probably him causing damage to himself).  Similarly, my feelings on Hawks are this: I understand why he idolizes ‘Endeavor’, or the idea of ‘Endeavor’. My whole meta this morning was to explain that his feelings are mostly about himself, in the end. The shining hero Endeavor in his origins is crucial to Hawks’s current of self, and to break that is break him.

BUT.

Hawks is his colleague in a very powerful industry with a lot of social capital. He is not a regular person, but a person with reach and influence and power (though it might be waning). 

Let’s take a different look at this: Endeavor is a powerful public figure exposed for what amounts to forced marriage and domestic violence and child abuse. His whole role in society is to inspire and provide feelings of security and yet in his private life, under the justification of heroism, Endeavor terrorized a woman and her children for twenty years. 

Please understand - if an actor had this much against him, and a colleague of that actor defended them with the reasoning of, “this man means so much to me and has saved my life”, we’d be furious. Or some of us, because the discussions we have in fandom mirror the same ones we have outside fandom when people we like are exposed and accused.  The thing is, the “ideal” of Endeavor has saved Hawks. Endeavor as a person, Enji as a person, has terrorized Rei Todoroki and his children for decades. These are both real things. Where it gets tricky is... does Hawks’s idolization truly outweigh the crimes Enji has committed? Does Endeavor being good in one rather impersonal, honestly parasocial (if we’re talking about him as a kid) relationship with Hawks, outweigh what’s pretty much domestic violence, abuse, likely marital rape? 

Ultimately, I think this discussion is worth it. For years people writing about him have made parallels to the #Metoo movement and Dabi really made the connection by exposing him through social media. When you sit and think about Enji and Hawks and Dabi, fighting past those first impulses to defend your fave, you have to think about what stance you’d take morally.

Do victims deserve to be heard?

Does it matter if the victim is not a good person? 

In fact if the victim later becomes awful, is the abuse justified? 

Or does it really matter if someone terrible was abused?

Do abusers deserve to given chances at power?

If someone is saved from abuse by someone who is an abuser, how is there an reconciliation of those deeds?

Can you admire someone’s work when they’re a terrible person?

Is there a way to still find comfort in that work while acknowledging the harm that person has committed? 

What does it mean for someone to have justice?

We need to ask these questions. They’re important in the world we live in, and through BNHA, we can start thinking about our reactions to when people we admire are exposed to be not good people in real life. 

For my final point, Keigo’s defense, of course, makes sense because Keigo is ... honestly heavily mentally ill. I think his compartmentalization and lack of outward regret for Twice’s murder and lack of reaction to his mother’s circumstances is clear that there’s a lot of issues with Keigo. 

His way of thinking is not healthy; so his reaction to Endeavor is not healthy. I think we can have sympathy for Keigo’s need to keep Endeavor as an inspiration to himself but also agree that the Endeavor Keigo idolizes is a lie, and that it’s unhealthy for Hawks to keep doing so. 

Someone can be wrong and yet very justified in their own terms for that behavior. We can also say that Hawks has a vested interest in keeping the status quo that allows Enji to be a hero, too. And that should be critiqued. Hawks should be criticized for supporting Enji as a hero, even if it makes sense that he does so out of his own trauma which should be acknowledged as the source of his problems. We can say Hawks is wrong for supporting Enji but also acknowledge he’s someone who needs therapy. 

We should stop being afraid over having these discussions. Sometimes people are wrong, and their behavior is wrong, even with a lot of justifications, but you can’t leave it at them being wrong - because before they can be right, they have to be in a better place to understand why they are wrong.  

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

[uncloseted]

Hey Christina!!!!!!!!!! Sorry I’m hyped. I was wondering if you could do a “50 things about yourself” idk if you’ve done it before but I’d like to know about you cause you’re so cool! 😎 and we love you

Hi!  I haven’t done one before but I’m happy to.  And of course, if there’s anything you guys want to know about me I’m an open book.  This particular “50 Things” tag is old school Tumblr, so it’s sort of random, but hopefully something in there is interesting for you guys.

1. What takes up too much of your time?

Reddit.  I’m an information junkie and most of the stuff on there has very little use in my life, but once in a while I come across a gem and it’s what keeps me scrolling.

2.       What makes your day better?

Iced coffee.  There’s a coffee shop near my house that I really like, and I also bought a bunch of the fancy flavored syrups so I can make it at home.

3.       What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

I’ve been having a pretty chill day so far, but spending the day with my boyfriend has been really nice.

4.       What fictional place would you like to go?

The Night Circus!  It’s one of my secret ambitions in life to actually build it.

5.       Are you good at giving advice?

I sure hope so, otherwise I’m running some of your lives 😂. But seriously, I do my best.1.

6.       Do you have any mental illness?

Let’s say I know my way around a therapist’s office and leave it at that.

7.       Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Yes!  I used to get a combination of sleep paralysis and exploding head syndrome semi-regularly, but that hasn’t happened in years.

8.       What musician inspired you the most?

I don’t know about “inspired” but I think The Velvet Underground had a big hand in shaping who I am.  Also Patti Smith, she’s great.  I highly recommend her book “Just Kids” to all of you.  There’s something about it that feels Skinsy even though on paper they’re nothing alike.

9.       Have you ever fallen in love?

Absolutely.  I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years now and I couldn’t be happier. 

10.   What’s your dream date?

I love driving to a new city and checking out what there is to do there.  I think having a place that you share just with that one person is really romantic. 

11.   What do other people notice about you?

My hair, my clothes, or my “intimidating” face are the ones I hear the most often.

12.  What is the annoying habit you have?

My boyfriend really hates it when I do “active listening” (where you nod or make noises to let people know you’re still paying attention to them).

13.  Do you still talk to your first love?

No, but I hope they’re doing well.

14.  How many ex’s do you have?

6ish would be my guess?  I’d be interested to know if all of those people would say that I’m their ex, though.

15.  How many songs are on your playlist?

I don’t really make playlists, so I guess none.  I’m sorry that’s a super boring answer. 

16.  What instruments can you play?

Piano and bass guitar pretty well and tuba badly (and I can’t actually carry the instrument anymore).  I could play the flute when I was younger but I imagine I can’t anymore.

17.  Who do you have the most pictures of?

My boyfriend, I think.  I have a Polaroid camera and I like taking pictures of him when he’s not paying attention. 

18.  Where would you like to go before you die?

Argentina, Scandinavia, Japan, South Korea, Hong Kong, Russia, Vietnam, South Africa, Morocco, Australia, Antarctica, and the moon.

19.  What is your zodiac?

Libra!  My birthday is coming up on the 17th. 

20.  Do you relate to it?

I do!  And I feel sort of badly about that because I know that zodiac is just the Barnum Effect in action, but the Libra desire for balance, idealism, and love of aesthetics is me. 

21.  What is happiness to you?

Being free of expectations from myself and other people.

22.  Are you going through anything right now?

In my experience, adulthood is just going through different things for the rest of your life, so yes. Pretty much always.  But right now I’m looking for a new job and that’s been a lot.

23.  What is the worst decision you’ve ever made?

How much time do you have?  I did a lot of things in my teenage years that I’m not particularly proud of.

24.  What is your favourite store?

I love really giant department stores like Harrod’s, or covered markets with tons of different random stalls.  I like the idea that you don’t know what you’re going to find.  I also love antique stores for the same reason.

25.  What is your opinion on abortion?

It should be available and accessible to anyone who wants or needs it.  But so should birth control.  And I think it’s important that people understand all of their options before making a decision and are given mental health support if they need it as well. 

26.  Do you have a bucket list?

Not really.  I had basically one thing that I’d always wanted to accomplish and that happened way earlier than I expected, so now I’m trying to figure out what my next thing will be.

27.  Do you have a favourite album at the moment?

Blue Scholar’s Cinematropolis or Belle & Sebastian’s Dear Catastrophe Waitress.  And Velvet Underground’s Loaded, always. 

28.  What do you want for your birthday?

I’m hoping my boyfriend and I will go away for the weekend.  Fingers crossed that our schedules work out!

29.  What are most people’s first impression of you?

I think people find me to be intimidating (when they’re being generous) or mean (when they’re not).  Like I said before, I have a bit of a bitchy face and so I have to make a conscious effort to smile at people.

30.  What age do you seem according to most people?

I’m not sure.  I’ve gotten to the point where I’m just sort of “in my 20s” and people don’t care what the exact number is.  But in general, I think people assume I am however old they are, so anywhere from like 18-30.

31.  Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

Right next to my bed, which you shouldn’t do.  But I read on my phone before I go to sleep and I use it as an alarm clock, so it ends up on my bedside table.

32.  What word do you say the most?

It’s probably “but”.  I spend a lot of time considering all the possibilities in a given situation so I spend a lot of time being like, “but what about this? But what if that? Things could be this way, but on the other hand they’re like that”.  I don’t think I really have a catchphrase, though.

33.  What’s the oldest age you would date?

Thirty, probably?  I feel like anyone older than that is probably in a different stage of their life than I am.

34.  What’s the youngest age you would date?

Twenty three or so?  They would have to be out of college.

35.  What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Other than the job I do now, I get a lot of people saying that I should be an art curator or a museum curator.  And I get people telling me I should be a therapist, obviously.

36.  What’s your favourite music genre?

Like most people I like your general pop/rock situation.  I really like baroque pop, which is pop music but that includes orchestral instruments.  And then I also love electroswing, I think it’s such a fun blend of genres.

37.  If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

Either the Netherlands or Denmark.  But I would also like to spend some time in France and more time in Italy, where I did study abroad.  I also really love the UK, but given the current political situation I’m not sure I’ll be moving there any time soon, especially since I’d need a visa.

38.  What is your current favourite song?

I don’t know if I really have one.  I do enjoy when I hear Billie Eilish’s “Bad Guy” on the radio, though, does that count?

39.  How long have you had this blog for?

Since October, 2013!  I’m coming up on my six year anniversary.  I think I have something like 30,000 posts.

40.  What are you excited for?

The future! I think no matter how the present seems, the future is always an exciting prospect. 

41.  Are you a better talker or listener?

I think this might surprise some people, but I think I’m a better talker than listener.

42.  What is the last productive thing you did?

The last really productive thing I did was to film a pitch video for a project I’m working on, but the most recent is doing some work for this blog.

43.  What do you want for Christmas?

The impeachment of Donald Trump? Can Santa do that?  I would also take “people taking climate crisis seriously”.

44.  What class do you get the best grades in?

In high school, philosophy/religion and psychology. At university I did very well in “Iconic Figures of Popular Music: Simon and Garfunkel”.

45.  On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling?

Around a 7.  I need to get dressed and leave the house, but I don’t have anywhere in particular I need to be so I’ve been putting it off.

46.  What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

I’d like to be living in a different country than the one I do now with my boyfriend.  I’d like to be self employed or remotely employed, so that I have flexibility in when and where I do work.  I want to be doing something where I’m bettering other people’s lives or the world at large. But mostly what I’d like to be doing is traveling and learning.  But really my priority is that by that time, I want to be content with myself.  I think what you’re doing and where you’re doing it is so much less important than how you feel while doing it, and in 10 years I hope I can say that I’m living a happy and worthwhile life, whatever that ends up being.

47.  When did you get your first heart broken?

I think I was 14.  What I’ll say about it is this- in the moment it mattered so, so much to me.  My parents were the first person that each other dated and I assumed that was how all relationships worked, so when that wasn’t how this one worked out, I was devastated.  But now I barely remember that person, and  I live with someone else who’s completely different and totally awesome and I couldn’t be happier.  I know it sounds like a lie but with time and perspective all wounds can heal.

48.  At what age do you want to get married?

I didn’t think I wanted to get married at all.  I don’t like the idea of having a big wedding where you’re the center of attention and everyone is starting at you.  But in the long run being legally married is practical, so my boyfriend and I will probably do it at some point when we feel like it makes logistic sense.

49.  What career did you want to have as a child?

I wanted to be an Imagineer at Disney.  They’re the people who design the theme parks.  I also wanted to be the president of the moon.

50.  What do you crave right now?

Excitement!  Nothing is going on in my day right now and I’m starting to get bored.  I have a very low tolerance for boredom so days like this really get to me.

[terra-writes]

Nature’s Shackles (Fenris x Female!Hawke Hanahaki Disease AU) Part 2

So I had this done at the same time as part one and I was going to space these out by a week then ended up forgetting about this with everything picking up in my semester. So belated but I hope you guys enjoy! Idk when part 3 will be out but hopefully soon as my semester ends next week and I’ll have more time to write!

Want to start from the beginning? Tumblr likes to hide posts that link to other ones from the search now, but click on the “nature’s shackles” tag below to filter stuff for this story!

Word Count: 3,600 words even I am proud of this lol

Warnings: Angst, blood will be coughed up with the petals in some cases, but it gets progressively worse, canon-typical violence and gore

          The last few rays were just hanging onto the horizon by the time Fenris stood in front of the large oak doors that marked the entrance to Anders’ clinic. He looked above to the lantern, feeling the corners of his mouth turn down when he saw the flickering tips of the flame inside. Part of him had been hoping that Anders would have already closed down for the night by the time he arrived, and he could use the excuse to retreat back home and figure out some other method for himself.

          He raised his fist to the wood, hesitated, and lowered it again. He cursed himself within his own mind. Right now, his biggest hindrance wasn’t the flowers suffocating him within his lungs, but his own pride at asking for help. Especially from Anders. As much as he loathed the thought of showing weakness to an Abomination, even he had to admit that this problem was bigger than his own pride. So why can’t I just knock on the damn door? He let out a groan of frustration aimed at himself and without thinking, hit his fist against the door to vent some of it. He hadn’t even realized what he did until he heard a muffled call from inside the clinic.

          “It’s open come in!” He stared at where his fist was still against the worn oak in bewilderment. I guess that works, he thought. He took one last breath to steady himself and attempt to calm the last of his lingering anxiety that seemed to spark back up at the sound of Anders’ call. As he stepped in, his nose was immediately assaulted by the overwhelming smell of different herbs. It almost overwhelmed him, and he had to fight against the urge to cough lest he give himself away barely three steps past the door. As he looked around at the empty cots lining either side of the clinic walls, he let out a sigh of relief when he saw that the mage was currently turned with his back to the elf, clearly focused on the task before him. He immediately regretted that deep breath though, as the strong odor of the clinic only aggravated his lungs even more. “I’ll be with you in just a moment, I need to finish up with this patient first.”

          Fenris figured it was for the best if he just kept quiet for the time being, There was no use to potentially risk injuring the man in front of the mage by tipping him off to who exactly had just stepped into the clinic. In the meantime, Fenris tried not to focus too much on the uncharacteristically vacant room. He didn’t know if it would be better or worse for him knowing that it would just be him and Anders to discuss things.

          Briefly, he considered saying “fuck this” and bolting out the door, but before it could become anything more than a barely entertained thought, Anders had finished with his current charge, turning around to face him. “Sorry about the wait, now what can I help you wi- Fenris?”

          Under different circumstances, the sound of the pure bewilderment on both his face and in his voice would have been hilarious to him. But Alas, as his business currently hinged on keeping Anders in a helpful mood, he would have to keep any antagonistic comments to himself.

          On second thought, maybe just one would make him feel better about all of this.

          “Is that meant to be a serious question? Are you perhaps the one in need of a checkup, ma-” He stopped himself before he could finish calling him his usual name. It wouldn’t work out well for him to piss Anders off to much right now.

          Anders raised his brow, clearly noticing how Fenris had stopped himself, but remained quiet. The healer was still thrown off by Fenris’ sudden presence, but he managed to at least gain some measure of composure over his being. “I know Hawke said she was going to try and get you to come down, but I thought it was going to end with her physically dragging you down here like usual.” There was a stretch of silence between them, each person staring at the other in different stages of disbelief that the events before them were actually unfolding. When Fenris still stood unmoving, Anders gave him a break. “I guess you’re worse off than any of us realized if you’re here now on your own.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Alright, take a seat so I can get this over with.”

          In some corner of his mind, Fenris realized that perhaps this was the longest the two of them had gone without outwardly insulting each other, leaving only an uncomfortable and unsure awkwardness keeping them at bay. When he still hadn’t moved, Anders cleared his throat sending a slight twinge of panic through him. Fenris hadn’t actually thought about what he would say to the mage once he got here. His thoughts scattered to the wind as he desperately tried to scrounge up any excuse he could. Fenris didn’t want to admit to his condition, especially to someone like the Abomination before him. No doubt Anders would lord it over him, possibly even go to Hawke about it with a claim that fighting with such a condition would only put her and everyone around him in danger. Anything to keep him out of the picture so he had a clear shot to winning her heart. It was no secret that Anders had fallen for their companion and leader, and even though she had repeatedly turned down his advances he still seemed adamant at trying to win her over when he could.

          The thought of the Abomination putting his hands on her in that way sent his blood boiling, but he had to force himself to calm down and swallow the bitter remark that tried to claw its way past his lips. He still needed help.

          Fenris took a couple steps words one of the cots, still trying to come up with an excuse when he paused, running his tongue over his suddenly dry lips as he prepared to try the first one his mind supplied. Hopefully, Anders would take the lie at face value, though even to Fenris it sounded like more than a longshot.

          “Actually-” He had to pause a moment to try and stifle the urge to cough. “I was not being truthful when I told Hawke that I was ill.”

          “Oh?” He could hear Anders’ voice over his shoulder and hear him subtly reach for his staff nearby. Figures the mage would think that Fenris came here to kill him, it just went to show how much of a fool Anders was in his mind. “Then why are you here, especially of your own accord?”

          “I require your aid in a… somewhat sensitive matter.” Fenris tried not to cringe at the understatement as he turned back around to face Anders.

          “Really? If you don’t need healing couldn’t you ask literally anyone else who likes you a lot more than I do?” Anders was trying to bait him, trying to bring them both into an argument that would make this situation a lot more bearable and familiar to the both of them. But Fenris couldn’t let himself fall into that trap. He hadn’t gotten what he came here for yet.

          “I may not be ill, but what I require is medical in nature, leaving you as my only option.” He hated admitting that he needed Anders, but Fenris had no other choice in this moment.

          He could tell the mage was still unsure, Maker, Fenris was too but he couldn’t back away now. “Okay… so what is so important about this matter that you lied to Hawke and avoided everyone for three weeks now?” Anders’ eyes were scanning over every inch of him, trying to detect any hint of injury on his person. He would be looking for a long time, as his only problem was currently still aggravating the inside of his lungs. As such Fenris let out a breath that he hadn’t realized he had been holding, then immediately wished he hadn’t when the itch inside his lungs only grew stronger

          “I have an… acquaintance who has enlisted my help to gather information.”

          “Wait you actually have friends? Other than Hawke? Color me surprised.” Fenris felt his eye twitch, but with sheer will he bit back his venomous retort in favor of getting this over with as soon as he could.

          “Yes I do indeed have other ‘friends.’ But as I was trying to say, this individual has come down with a particular condition and so they have requested my help in gathering information so as not to draw attention to themselves.”

           “Okay fine, what has your ‘friend’ come down with?” Anders relented with a sigh, dropping his defensive stance a tad, but still on edge in case Fenris made a move. Fenris had to fight not to roll his eyes at the gesture.

           “They have come down with Hanahaki Disease. I am… familiar with how it happens and works but… that is the extent of my knowledge. I only know how it comes to be and how it kills,” Fenris had to suppress a shudder at the memories of lifeless eyes and pools of blood, “but nothing in the way of cures or treatments.” Fenris grimaced through his confession. He hated admitting to his own shortcomings, especially in front of someone like Anders, but he needed to know if he had any chance.

          He wasn’t expecting Anders’ eyes to go as wide as they did. “Are you sure it’s Hanahaki?” Irked, Fenris didn’t try to stop the annoyed huff that left him. Instead, he moved his arm to reach into one of the pouches on his belt. He saw Anders tense for a brief moment, the tinest flicker of gathered magic pulling at his markings before the mage stilled, mouth dropped agape at the petals in his upturned palm. It was an accident that Fenris had any petals on him in the first place. In his haste to get to Darktown and get this meeting over with, he had failed to realize the few petals which had gotten caught on his armor until he was already too far away to turn back. Now however, they would prove useful in helping Fenris sell his own lie.

          The mage grabbed the petals from his palm, inspecting them with and ever-growing grave expression as he turned them over in his fingers with the upmost care. “There flower petals appear legitimate.” Fenris tried not to be offended by that comment. “Unfortunately, there’s only two ‘cures’ that are known.”

          “And they are?” Fenris felt his anxiety grow, he didn’t like the sound of being limited to two options, he already had a feeling what the first one was. He tried not to give in to the urge to shift on his feet or express how he felt about the matter, Anders didn’t need any hints to the real patient of this visit.

          “The best method is for the person who the afflicted loves, to return their feelings. If the love is requited, the flowers perish and are coughed up without injury or much fuss. Of course, that’s the best-case scenario, though, not the one that always ends up happening.” A pause as Anders looked up on him, his expression wary. “I don’t think your friend will like the other option though.” His expression mournful, as if the mage was recalling a memory, or maybe something else, Fenris couldn’t be sure. At Fenris’ raised brow, he continued with a deep breath. “The flowers can be removed, but the process isn’t the easiest or most pleasant.”

          “How?” By now, Fenris was growing ever more impatient. He needed answers.

          By the grimace that flashed across Ander’s face, Fenris had a very good inkling of exactly how the flowers were removed. His markings began to thrum with life at the thought of the procedure being done on him, but he needed to hear the mage say it.

          “By magic, specifically blood magic. There’s a ritual that can be preformed by a mage to remove the flowers from the individual’s lungs. The victim will be cured, and they won’t ever be in danger of contracting the disease again.” Anders cleared his throat, and Fenris could sense the unsaid “but” hanging over his words.

          “What else are you not telling me?” Fenris’ words carried a but of the frustration he was feeling. He didn’t have the time for Anders to keep pausing like this. “Just spit it out! Every moment I waste here is another moment my friend draws nearer to their death.”

          The mage at least had the decency to look apologetic. “Right, sorry. The person will be safe from ever getting Hanahaki again, but it’ll cost them their ability to feel love for the rest of their life. I actually hear that option is quite popular in Tevinter, especially within the Magisterium.”

          Fenris gave a brief nod. “Magisters only care about powerful magical bloodlines. And a Magister would rather get rid of anything that could be used as an obstacle between them and the power they crave.” He let himself spit the words out, venting some of his anxiety and fear into something he could better manage, like anger. There was another awkward pause between them. Neither one of them were used to things being this agreeable whenever the two of them were in each other’s company. Both were unsure of how to treat the other when there was no hostility being thrown back and forth. “Is there anything in the way of treatments to lessen the effects in the meantime?”

          “Fortunately, yes.” Anders turned around, his awkwardness shrugged off as he took to his usual working persona. He moved with a single-minded focus as he began to rifle through the cabinets that lined the back wall of the clinic, pulling jar after jar of dried and undried herbs from their shelves.

          Fenris allowed himself a small sigh of relief now that he was out of the mage’s clinical gaze. Both were silent as Anders continued to work, his brow creasing in concentration as he mixed herb after herb. Fenris didn’t dare creep any closer to the mage while he worked, but he did try to sneak glances past the mage’s shoulders at the herbs he was using.

          Before long, Anders turned back around. He wore a satisfied smile as he held a small vial of bright blue liquid in one hand, a worn satchel just behind him on the counter. The liquid looked vaguely similar to the lyrium potions Hawke and co. carried around, but the lack of pull at his own markings hinted that there was none to be found within. “This potion should help your friend out.” At Fenris’ skeptical gaze, he continued, “It’ll temporarily dull the user’s emotions, slowing down the progression of the disease.”

          Perfect, exactly what he came for. Fenris reached out to grab the vial from Anders but it was pulled away before the tips of his fingers could do more than just graze the glass.

          “Remember that this is not a permanent solution.” Anders had fixed him with a stern look, but it wasn’t one born of malice, it held the connotations more akin of a doctor talking to a stubborn patient. “This is only a treatment meant to delay the inevitable. The only way to cure this is one of the two ways I mentioned.”

          Fenris finally let his irritation show. Now that he had what he came here for, he didn’t have to be as civil, at least in his mind. “I am not such an idiot that I don’t know what the word ‘treatment’ means nor that I have forgotten what you said earlier already.” He made sure to stand tall as he said it, squaring his shoulders like it was a challenge.

          Rising to the bait like Fenris hoped he would, Anders reacted much the same. “Don’t forget that I’m the one helping you out here. There’s no reason to go biting my head off for it. Or would you rather your friend go without because you pissed off the healer?” Despite their small standoff, Fenris could see some sort of ease creep back into the mage’s posture, most likely relived that the two of them were back in familiar standings with one another. Fenris only gave a grunt in response, letting go of some of his anxiety. Insults he could deal with any day.

          “I should figure that it would be in that nature of an abomination to refuse treatment on account of one individual’s attitude.” Fenris let the corner of his mouth curl upwards into a smirk.

          The mage rolled his eyes, putting the vial in the satchel with what Fenris presumed to be others. “These will only work for a few hours, and you shouldn’t have your friend drink more than one in a day, otherwise it could risk speeding up the process instead. I’ve made enough to last for a few weeks. Come back when they’re gone if things still haven’t fixed themselves by then. Now, this has been pleasant and all, but please get the hell out of my clinic.”

          Fenris took the worn leather satchel from the healer with a surprising amount of care in Anders’ eyes, securing it around his person. There was another brief awkward pause where both expected the other to say something, though neither knew what. When it was clear that nothing would be, Fenris just gave a curt nod and went for the door, trying not to show his desire to leave in his steps. Before he could slip out the door, he paused, unsure with his next words but feeling like they needed to be said, personal opinions aside. “Anders…” Fenris’ voice was low, unsure. The name felt wrong, unpleasant in a foreign way on his tongue, “Thank you.” Okay, maybe that felt even more wrong than using his name.

          Fenris could almost feel the cringe at his unexpected display of gratitude from the other end of the clinic. “You’re… welcome? And Fenris? I’m sorry.”

          Fenris had already been hallway through the door when Anders had called his name. He looked over his shoulder, meeting the mage’s gaze head on with his own. Anders was looking at him in a way that sent alarm bells tolling in his mind. The way it was voiced, the look that was being given to him now, it was as though the mage was speaking the apology to him instead as though for him to pass on. Was it possible that the Abomination had seen through his lie the entire time? No, there was no real reason to disbelieve the story that Fenris had voiced. Choosing to live in his relative comfort bubble of denial that Anders was capable of seeing through his ruse, Fenris responded with a simple “I will… pass along the message.”

          He was out the clinic door after that, yet only just managed to make it a few steps beyond the oak before it was impossible to deny the aggravating itch within his lungs. The fit coughing that he was thrown into was arguably the worst one yet, the strong scent of herbs, the anxiety from earlier, it all melded together to form a violent concoction. Blood dripped from his mouth and stained the dirt below him and the petals he expelled in his hands. When it had finally subsided, he looked around in a slight panic to see if anyone had caught him. Breathing a (ragged) sigh of relief, he found the area around him to be blissfully empty for once, likely due to the late hour. He hadn’t realized how long he had spent within the clinic itself, too long if you were to ask him, a lot longer than he was comfortable with.

          Knowing that his brief window of opportunity to remain undetected, Fenris shoved the petals into the pouches on his belt as quick as he could manage while keeping one eye on his surroundings. When he deemed the coast clear, Fenris hurried back to his manor in Hightown without sparing another glance back.

          Had he taken a bit more time paying attention to his surroundings, he would have noticed the few petals that dropped from one of his unsecured pouches, drifting to the ground to settle on one of the small spatters of blood in the dirt. When all was silent, the sound of one of the oak doors could be heard swinging open, a small blond head peering out into the deserted street. Having heard the commotion outside his clinic, Anders’ eyes snapped straight to the discarded petals and specs of blood.

          The mage crouched in front of them, pulling the petals into his hand and using his foot to disperse the evidence of the blood. He turned the petals in his hand, a remorseful expression appearing on the healer’s features. He sighed and retreated into the clinic, putting the petals away in a secure location out of sight. “You must have been truly terrified if you came to me for help.” Anders whispered into the silence of his clinic. There was no way for the recipient of those words to hear them, but it wouldn’t stop Anders from voicing them anyway. “I hope things work out for you, no one deserves that kind of fate, even you.”

[bibbleboo]

Could we get some headcanons/more background on Abbey and Doyle’s kids? 🥺👉👈 I love the premise of this AU

YEEEEE (im just gonna ramble a bunch about the backstory i have so far but ill put it in bullets so its easier to follow lol i apologize for it being long as fuck-)

OKAY SO,,, first of all,,, doyle and abbey timeline,,,, [i am looking respectfully]

in this au, they get back together and have a sort of ‘lovers pretending to be enemies’ chaotic on again/off again hookup thing off to the side just between the two of them thru like Most of the final season, they try to keep it a secret (especially doyle who doubts the saturdays would be hAPPY if he was seeing her again) but in the end, saturdays ofc find out, probably are unsure about it at first, but she gains enough of their trust to be there for the big finale battle in the weird world mansion.

when shit goes down and argost becomes the vessel for the two opposing kurs (regular kur, and the anti kur from zak monday) and they like. explode his matter or w/e, i imagine instead of kur just completely disappearing, the ‘anti kur’ gets shot back to its universe, while original kur gets forced into a new vessel in this universe... the closest of which happens to be the unborn child abbeys unknowingly carrying. basically, what if the two kurs just LOOKED like they evaporated but actually did what happens when you try to like tape two same sides of a magnets together and they YEETED-

So thats how we have Parker, their firstborn daughter! and this... also implies ‘Parker Monday’ exists which. 8^) i havent thought about yet so forgive me on that but hoo, 

they dont know parker is kur, they got no idea and rly just assume kur is gone for good. but after they find out abbeys pregnant (which is a huge emotional trip for both of them in its own right) they do eventually sort of agree they dont want their kid exposed to that whole world of mystery. like, ik its a vital thing to the whole family, and ik these two people were probably voted least likely to ‘settle down’ in high school, but i cant imagine they didnt escape the kur/zak situation without a LOT of trauma, so while the saturdays stay in the cryptozoology field, doyle and abbey slowly pull away from the mystery and mercenary stuff, and also instead of going for big dollar lifestyle settle with ‘independently wealthy’ parenting.

also, neither of them really . grasp the concept that theyve even started a family, and are ‘together’, and that this is REAL, until around when she gets pregnant with their second daughter, Kendall. and then theyre like. oh nooo wait are we actually like boyfriend and girlfriend EWW-

when kendall is born parker is 3, and the next like 10+ years are pretty smooth sailing. as far as what the kids know/see, they probably know the cryptids when theyre little but. (tw animal death sORRY TO BE DARK I JUST??????) idk,, how long komodo dragons live/how old komodo already is and i definitely dont know Anything about giant prehistoric birds and am not even sure if science knows that lifespan, so. im not sure how long they could really be in each others lives??? i almost imagine parker would have memories of them that she assumes she remembers wrong, like “oh yeah they used to have a lizard and a bird... my imaginative little kid brain thought they were a komodo dragon and a dinosaur”, and as for fisk im still working on it but i . actually kind of imagine he might have a much longer lifespan (since lemurians are like ancient or w/e? and also if hes by dna like a gorilla cat or w/e gorillas at least live long af) and also feel like once he got older and settled down a bit he might live somewhere in the woods, maybe even his old tree? and the saturdays see him ALL the time obviously, but hey zaks gotta go to college eventually, a gorilla cats gotta eat bugs in forest, we all have to grow up and leave the nest sometime,

so idk the last time parker has actually seen fisk and she might assume he was an imaginary friend or smth but, 1. if i do write a fic they absolutely have to meet again, 2. overall the vibe is they know the saturdays are cryptozoologists, like, the same way josh gates does destination truth, seeking answers and studying, they dont really. know that theyre REAL. to them its like, a hypothetical science. (this is also part of why they dont realize parker is kur, she isnt around cryptids and therefore whenever her powers would actually show up they wouldnt be recognized) anyways parker isnt embarrassed or put off by it but just thinks its a little wacky, meanwhile kendall is obsessed with the world of mystery/paranormal/cryptic lol

speaking of the girls personalities;;;

parker is like. not really normie/preppy, even if she seems it at first glance, shes nice and has a good head on her shoulders but also is a teenage girl (inherently unhinged) and shes THEIR teenage girl (+5 feral) so despite her success and charm shes also very witty/crass when she wants to be, and deep down shes closer to the kind of person that would on pure inexplicable instinct put something random in your mouth when you’re yawning so you bite down on it afterwards. or like. that video of the girl singing in the bathroom while her friends curl their hair and she grabs the curler to use as a microphone before realizing its burning hot??? shes. the voice of reason, but the voice is usually shrieking in fear, making a cursed joke, or half the time whatever shes saying is actually smart. she kinda wants to go to college and travel, but struggles with indecisiveness and anxiety, so she has no idea where to go, what to major in, etc. and is again kinda just livin thru the typical teen life in that regard

kendall on the other hand is like. weird kid culture, the kind of kid that believes they are secretly a new supernatural creature each year (mermaid phase, werewolf phase, alien phase, etc), probably completely accidentally starts cults or witch covens at school (didnt realize teaching peers how to become ‘blood brothers’ and ‘make potions’ from puddles and stolen school supplies would be taken so seriously by parents) , very into emo/scene/punk/alt culture but not rly in an overtly dark/edgy way, more of a having fun and expressing self way. she wants answers for everything, really loves mysteries and being open minded, and definitely a rebel/adventurer at heart, even if she gets naive or in over her head sometimes.

the girls get along well! parker is not dismissive of kendall she just. isnt really into the same stuff/is more freaked out by it most of the time, but she would tag along on certain adventures, especially if it was to keep her safe. and kendall definitely directs gentle mockery towards parker a lot but does see her as a good role model and guiding figure, their bond is really strong!

other details !

doyle and abbey prob decide to say fuck it and get married after kendall is born, they probably have a few rough patches but nothing is more important to them than the kids now and in the end they understand each other better than anyone else so . canon tension idk her! family ftw! power couple! they intimidate the teacher during parent teacher conferences together hand in shady little hand !

their parenting style is exactly what one would imagine, 70% fun and sass and controlled chaos where theyre the bigger children than their children, 15% ‘this is how you hack the government and dual wield swords-- i was not supposed to teach you that im sorry’, and 15% actual guidance / emotional depth / etc. flaws might be overcoming their own immaturity for the first few years, and then being lowkey overly protective (while claiming they arent, but just bc you semi jokingly tell parker she should join the football team doesnt mean you dont actually hide 60% of ur life from her and check that her bedroom windows are locked every night and have 24 people listed in her school emergency contacts and used to cut up her food till she was 7 and-)

so abouT THE BABY BOY (Phoenix), 1. his middle name is leonidas bc im gay and i love emotional turmoil babes , 2. fully unironically the idea behind such a late pregnancy is abbey would be mid fourties when hes born right. so like. [has two kids] ‘ok birth control time’ [when theyre teens many years later] ‘ok im old enough to stop taking this’ [the hyperfertility curse that plagues many women rears its ugly head with one last hoo-rah]

and finALLY a very quick elevator pitch of what id write an actual fic to focus on;;; kendall sneaks into the attic to look for old shit bc they BOTH know their parents have been hiding stuff over the years, she finds things like a cryptopedia (now offline), the claw, maybe even a piece of the kur stone, and ropes parker into the long haul of figuring out what all this stuff is. and ofc the second they ever find the naga relic and parker comes face to face with it, [rest in rip] time for mom and dad to find out and all this kur shit to start ALL over again-

[louloutche]

Hey there, I was wondering if you could explain how the interactions between Lena and Kara are "implicitly romantic and/or sexual"? I'm not trying to be confrontational but I don't see their interactions that way (to me they seem like close friends who happen to have a lot of chemistry) and I was curious about how you see it?

Sure, I’d be happy to explain ! And I’m tagging @detectivdimples and @putitonthevideopanel cause you two joined the discussion, so if you feel like reading this long ass post you’ll see where I come from with the romantic Supercorp.

I talked about implicit romantic and/or sexual interactions in the post because I was talking about queer baiting in general terms. For Supercorp in particular, I don’t necessarily see sexual tension between Kara and Lena (maybe details here and there, but that’s it). It’s more about romantic interactions between them. Oh gosh I have to stop rambling and go straight to my point ! Ok let’s do it. Stick with me, cause it’s gonna be a long post.

The show was on S2 hiatus when I started to watch it, so everyone had already discovered Lena and a lot of people were already talking about Supercorp. At first I thought I was biased because of that, but people had also talked about Kara/Lucy and Kara/Cat in S1 and I have actually never seen anything romantic between them. When I watched 2x01 I saw nothing romantic between Kara and Lena, just the beginning of a pleasant friendship. But it started in 2x03.

When Kara visits Lena, there’s this awkwardness between them, not much with Lena, but more on Kara’s side. Lena is relaxed, but Kara doesn’t know if she can sit or not, she doesn’t dare asking for it so Lena is the one ultimately inviting her to sit. Of course Kara is a very new reporter so that might be why she’s acting this way and seems so shy (something she’s not usually, she’s often awkward when people compliment her for example but she’s not shy, quite the opposite). There’s also the “protocole” because Kara comes to interview Lena, who’s a powerful business woman, so she has to be polite. But still. Kara shows the exact behavior of someone impressed. Not everyone reacts the same way, but I can be that awkward with people I have a crush on. In that same scene, Lena has a very playful and teasing smile when she orders invites Kara to try this awful thing that can detect aliens. This attitude is actually pretty ambiguous. I could call it flirty with this smile if the situation wasn’t what it is : Lena is relaxed and at ease, which doesn’t reveal any fear or distrust, but she seems to have suspicions about Kara because she really wants her to take the test. It’s like she doesn’t feel threatened at all but she knows Kara is Supergirl and she wants a proof. So idk about this particular part of this scene, it’s really disturbing and bothering. I think this scene is not the best one, it’s so tinted by Kara’s secret and probably too soon in their relationship, whether we see it as platonic or romantic.

At the end of this same episode, Kara visits Lena again. They have a conversation (Lena is pretty flirty when she leans on the sofa)

and Lena talks about very personal stuff, she tells Kara she was crushed when she discovered who really was her brother, etc… These are things she could say to a friend. But what I see as the beginning of a romance (or a crush, no matter how you wanna call it) is this line : “Finally I realized that some people are just bad. There’s nothing you can do to change that. But you can learn to protect yourself.” and at the exact moment she says protect yourself she looks away while she had been looking Kara right in the eyes for the past seconds. It’s like she actually wants to protect herself in this precise moment, which makes sense, because she’s talking about her past, her family, her feelings towards them, something she probably rarely does. She’s been disappointed by people she loves : her brother, her mother. She cares for Kara and is probably starting to develop feelings for her (platonic or romantic, doesn’t matter) so she’s afraid she might be disappointed once more if she bonds to Kara. After a quick confession, she does protect herself in this moment. And if she tells all these things to Kara and shares her past, it means she wants Kara in her life. As a friend ? As a lover ? We don’t know yet. But right after this part of the scene, Kara looks away as well, she’s embarrassed because Lena is talking about personal stuff. And then Lena has this bittersweet smile and this time, she doesn’t shy away : they share a smile, Kara turns her head down, Lena lowers her eyes at the same time, and then Kara keeps her eyes down, but Lena gets hers back to Kara’s face and she stares right at her without losing her smile.

Another scene, 2x04 this time. Kara rushes into Lena’s office unannounced. Anyone would be at least a bit mad and upset. But Lena just tells her employee to make sure Kara can visit whenever she wants to. imo Lena’s whipped af ahah, but ok, let’s admit this is only friendship. When she gives Kara the paper with the fight club address, she holds it for a second while looking Kara into the eyes. She’s a bit playful and almost teasing. Right before the camera goes to Kara, we see a smirk growing on Lena’s face. The whole thing is so flirty tbh.

Now 2x05. Lena invites Kara to her party. Really nice of her ! And clearly something she would be with a friend (most particularly since Kara is her only friend). But doesn’t she have a phone ? Lena is a business woman, she’s busy, the easiest would have been to call Kara. Instead, she takes time to come to CatCo and invites Kara herself. Um… seems like someone is whipped and wanted to see her crush. So Lena tells Kara she hopes her to come and man hell shows up like ‘hey dudes I wanna come too’ and Kara shuts him down right away. You might think it’s not a proof she really really likes Lena and doesn’t want man hell around when she’s with her, because at that time she was trying to prevent him from causing trouble (and what better place than a party for causing trouble), so I’m gonna admit that and move on. Lena tells Kara it would mean a lot to her if she was here, but before she does, she hesitates for a second, she bites her lip and lowers her eyes.

What kind of friend would do that ? Why does she suddenly look so shy but also ecstatic at the same time ? Plus, she starts talking and says “It would mean a lot to me *looks back at Kara’s face* if you were there.”. The moment her eyes go back to Kara’s face is actually important, because it’s once she’s expressed the way she feels (it would mean a lot to her) that she dares look back at Kara. She’s uncomfortable with looking Kara in the eyes while telling her how important it is for her that she comes. And then, there is man hell. Ironically, he plays a big part in this scene. He asks if he can come and Kara immediately says no. Lena hesitates, she undoubtedly feels some discontent on Kara’s side, she checks her face probably to try to figure out what’s going on, and she eventually says man hell can come. Her voice tone is light, she seems to be okay and even happy to invite him. But once she sees Kara’s head going down, she realizes she’s upset and understands she didn’t want him to join, and her behavior goes from white to black. She seems less assured when she asks man hell what’s his name. She then gets back to her usual composure and assurance, but that’s her first spontaneous reaction that matters : she sees Kara doesn’t want man hell to come, she realizes she read her wrong and made a mistake by inviting him, she wants to withdraw but it’s too late, so she instinctively adopts a more distant attitude with him, before trying her best to act as relaxed as usual. She kindly makes fun of him and then leaves. And how does Kara act ? She’s ill-at-ease because of man hell silliness and the ‘Mike of the interns” thing, she tries to play it cool and to force a smile, but she’s embarrassed and mad at him. But as soon as Lena leaves, she lets her frustration goes out an grab this stupid candy.

2x05 again. Lena meets Alex for the first time. Well, they’ve already met each other but this time it’s a different context. When Kara opens the door and she lets her in, Lena is her usual self : she’s polite, composed, relaxed. But as soon as she sees Alex, her behavior flips. She acts like Alex is an intruder. She tries to play it cool but she clearly can’t and she’s very bitter when she says “you saved my life” as a thank you.

(you’re not fooling anyone Lena) Also, look at Kara on the back (you don’t see her on this gif but you can easily find the video on youtube), because it’s important : she was taken by surprise when Lena showed up, you can tell her smile is a bit forced, but she got this and she seems more or less confident ; but look at her face as soon as she sees Lena’s reaction. She suddenly loses her confidence and seems worried. She understands Lena is misinterpreting the situation so she quickly explains by saying Alex is her sister. I don’t think she’s scared Lena might understand she’s Supergirl based on the fact she knows Alex, there is literally nothing that points out to that on this scene. So imo she’s just worried Lena would be jealous and she wants to fix things even before there’s any drama. As soon as Kara tells her Alex is her sister, Lena calms down, and then, Kara seems more at ease because she knows there’s no misunderstanding.

Let’s jump to 2x08 now, shall we ? The real Hank Henshaw attacks L Corp. Supergirl/Kara is fighting him and Lena rushes into the hall. She has already interacted and talked with Supergirl, she knows her, and first thing she sees is Supergirl getting knocked on the floor. She’s afraid because the building is attacked and the assaillant is strong enough to put Supergirl down, but you can also see the concern and the shock on her face. At first she’s afraid for herself, but then she’s afraid for Supergirl too, maybe even only for her. If Lena ever discovers the truth about Kara and Supergirl, I think she will find out because she feels the same towards both of them (whether you see it as platonic or romantic, once more).

The scene in this same episode where Supergirl asks for Lena’s help to find her mother speaks for itself. I think I have nothing to say : it shows how much they care for each other (platonic or romantic, once and for all). The only thing I have to say is Lena might not have reacted so sharply if someone else had told her her mother was evil…

And now 2x12 with, in my opinion, the most obvious evidence.  The last Supercorp scene has some blatantly romantic aspects for me, but I’ll get to it later. For now, let’s talk about the scene where Lena gets arrested. I’m lazy so I’m just gonna link the post I reblogged and you can read the tags to know how I feel about Lena’s reaction. As for Kara, she once more wants to understand and to protect Lena. She might be her friend, but it’s a little too much for ‘just friends’ imo. In this episode she’s going against literally everyone : her friends (even if it’s been pretty conflicted lately) ; J’onn, who’s clairvoyant most of the time, probably because he’s psychic (why didn’t he read Lena’s mind btw ? I can’t remember if they talked about that) ; Alex, her own sister, that she loves and trusts. She’s going against everybody. I know James says Clark acted the same way with Lex, but still. She seems to care too deeply to see Lena as a simple friend.

When Supergirl saves Lena from her mother, Lena’s first instinct is to protect her. I know she’s a good person, but still. She’s ready to physically interfere in the fight that’s about to start even if she knows she’s just a tiny human being with no super powers.

And last but not least : the last scene from 2x12. I’m linking you a post once again and I’m gonna add some stuff. Lena is teasing Kara for most of the scene. When she says she never had friends like Kara before, she stutters on the word friend, it seems like she’s not sure it’s the good word. Two options : she has considered Kara as her friend for a long time but now it’s deeper and it takes a new signification even if it’s still in a platonic way, or she’s not sure this word still suits the way she feels about Kara because her feelings have changed. I think the second option is the good one, because right after she uses the word family. This is not insignificant. She might mean that Kara is like a sister to her, or it might be something else… some people consider their lover as a member of their family, it’s pretty common, so family could also have this meaning here. But once again, the thing that makes me think Lena means it in a romantic way is her attitude : she says she’s never had family like Kara, and then she lowers her eyes and her face says “oh shit I might have just realized something” or maybe “oops I shouldn’t have said that, Kara’s gonna freak out”.

As I’ve said several times in this post, most of the things I pointed out can be seen as romantic or platonic. The reason why I now say this is queer baiting is this last scene in episode 12.

Now here are the major reasons why I said it was queer baiting :- Lips biting is something people do when they’re anxious or… it can be done in a seductive way ! Lena showed multiple times she was relaxed in Kara’s presence, she’s not impressed or intimidated. So the lip biting is more in a seductive way imo.- Lena’s heart eyes for Kara… her gayness hurt me sometimes ! Her eyes are burning with passion in some scenes.- And the MOST obvious of all : the flowers. In the last Supercorp scene from 2x12, we discover Lena sent enough flowers to overflow Kara’s office. That is typically the kind of thing [insert male western name] would do to seduce [insert female western name] in a romantic movie. The writers didn’t use any ‘thank you’ they precisely picked the flowers, which has a very strong romantic connotation.

Most of the time the romantic aspects come from Lena, so maybe feelings are not reciprocal, maybe Lena is supposed, according to the scripts, to feel things Kara doesn’t necessarily share. Or maybe Katie just can’t help it ahah ! I know there are some tiny little details that come from her acting, it wouldn’t be on a script, it comes from her (for example the way she looks at Melissa/Kara sometimes). But there are other things, like the flowers, that are written on the script, it’s not a choice from the actresses to play the scene this way or that way, the writers made this decision.

I know we all have our own point of view, independently from sexual orientation, gender identity, or anything else, and if people don’t see and interpret things the way I do, that’s fine. I see some of Supercorp interactions as romantic, some don’t, it’s okay, I respect that. Plus, I ship Swan Queen, so I think it’s my fate to ship non canon couples ¯\_(ツ)_/¯