#so i'm throwing it in the queue to go up in the morning instead

[waxingrunes]

I understand if you’re too busy to answer this or don’t want to, but i was wondering if you wouldn’t mind telling us some of your non-explicit headcanons or just some traits you think wolfstar have in general? Your explicit ones are sososo hot but today I'm feeling low and need some comforting. Yiur blog is just a safe space for me but I totally understand if not! I love your work <3 all my love x

There are so many nondescript hc’s I have that this has the potential to turn into a formal essay with cited sources, so I’ll go for more of a generalised dump of info I have for each in a hope that it lifts some of your fog Anon. Maybe bullet pointed because it’ll be easier to read than my usual untidy form of communication. Hope you feel lighter soon.

Sirius

• will lick a yoghurt pot if there’s no clean spoons. There’s the option to go for fruit instead, but he wants the yoghurt and by god he will get his yoghurt

• is a fucking terrible driver, gives Remus and any passenger white knuckles due to speed issues and not using a lower gear when taking corners

• is however, in complete control when on a motorcycle; very hot, very controlled and will take his passenger’s safety very seriously

• professionally trained in ballroom and ballet, the latter which he is sometimes mocked in jest for, even by Remus, until he one time caught him stretching elegantly on the floor one morning with his upper body laid flat between long, toned, wide spread legs, ‘morning moony’, a healthy blush on his cheeks

• private crier, doesn’t cry easily

• goes quiet when angry as an initial defence but it doesn’t take long for him to start dropping breadcrumbs of sarcastic comments; can also be snobby and bratty, perhaps sometimes will get nasty and direct (bringing up things he shouldn’t to score points in the heat of the moment)

• suffers immeasurable guilt (helped by the point above) but is always masking a weighted feeling of guilt no matter what he’s doing, so much so it’s manifested into quite a serious anxiety problem in the wrong crowds

• he fidgets a lot, not in a chaotic way, just always has to have his fingers busy with something

• likes the smell of gasoline

• once had to talk himself down from throwing a child in a dustbin

• loves the colour red; blood red and cherry red to be precise but secretly loves dark blue even more because it’s what looks most handsome on Remus despite him not wearing it often

• sighs a lot

• pretended he couldn’t speak English to get away with jumping a queue

• hates the smell and taste of liquorice (unless heavily strawberry/cherry/raspberry flavoured)

• on one particular messy night out he got so impatient waiting at the bar, he reached over and grabbed a discarded bottle of alcohol the server had left open and swigged it

• digs his nails into his skin when anxious and is often reminded to relax the tension in his joints

• stargazes often

• once linked his pinky finger with Remus and asked him to pinky promise not to tell anyone what he was about to tell him, since which a tradition of trust was born where Remus will offer his pinky or the last two fingers for Sirius to hold or squeeze when he’s feeling unsure in public, or in any situation where verbal reassurance isn’t appropriate

• gets a weird thrill at the sound of cork popping from a bottle

Remus

• collects beer mats and keeps them in a drawer, thinks about making them into a display

• got tired of kids playing ball against the wall of his place (after repeat offences and him asking very nicely for them to stop) one day so went out, retrieved the ball and threw it so hard against of the cars it set the alarm off

• owner of said car came running out the house and Remus blamed it on the children. Never had the same issue again

• has a wildly sweet tooth and will always drop one or two packets of sugar into any warm beverage

• stares into space and gets involuntarily caught on someone’s face one too many times which makes them uncomfortable from the ‘Death Stare’ phenomenon when in reality, he’s lost in lala land

• can cook, is actually a proficient cook, but will not cook for anyone but Sirius, James or Lily

• will crack his knuckles, wrists and neck absentmindedly, all of which makes his company squirm because it’s often very loud and ‘pop-py’ but Sirius fucking loves it

• stays very calm during an argument but can shout louder than most and when he does, ears ring from the silence that follows

• prefers tea over coffee

• will eat liquorice any time he wants to piss Sirius off

• cries more than Sirius, but still a private crier

• always has to be the old boot in Monopoly

• loves words that are vowel heavy or double voweled because those are the ones where the scraps of Sirius’ lost French accent surface the most

• has a gentle touch, is aware of his size and nature of his lycanthropy, therefore always somewhat reserved

• loves socks, has a collection of ‘dad socks’

• has the messiest writing out of all the Marauders but loves handwritten things, owns three very different fountain pens for very different purposes

• is polite, but as he’s aged doesn’t tend to ‘fake smile’ a lot, feeling no need to fill uncomfortable silences for the sake of others

• has a chair he favours and often dozes off in it. Most of the time waking up to Sirius on top of him

[axelsagewrites]

Hello. Could I request a fic with f reader working at Richmond and Jan Maas faling in love with reader. Just fluff. ❤️

Jan Maas*Sweet As You

Pairing: Jan Maas x f!reader

Word count: 1134

Warnings: pure fluff

Masterlist here

There were definite perks and draw backs of working at Richmond. On one hand as a receptionist, you got paid to do honestly not very much. However, on the other hand you had to deal with a weird amount of prank calls from football fans.

One recently developing perk was the free coffee you received every morning. No, it wasn't a company thing or from your boss or other colleagues. Every morning this week Jan Maas walked in with a black coffee in one hand and an iced caramel mocha latte with an extra shot of expresso in the other.

It all started when you happened to walk into work at the same time and he noticed the Starbucks cup in your hand. "Is that even coffee at this point?" He half teased half seriously wondered.

"It is coffee," you said, drawing out the words as you defended yourself as Jan opened the front door for you, "caffeine not enough for me. I need that sugar high to deal with you lot,"

Jan chuckled at you, walking you over to the desk where your coworker pretended not to be listening in. "Funny. I thought you were sweet enough. See you later," he said, walking away to leave you a blushing mess.

However as soon as he got out of sight Jan became equally as flustered as he realised what he'd said. What was worse was Sam hearing him muttering under his breath about it resulting in Sam telling all the guys who then set up a plan to teach Jan how to flirt.

The issue was he wasn't very good at it. Instead, every morning without fail he got your coffee for you. "Hey Jan," you called, rolling down your car window as you slowed down. It was 7am and he was walking to Richmond with two coffees in hand, "need a lift?"

Jan preferred to walk. He'd never really seen the big deal around cars. However, he was quick to accept your offer. "My coffees will bankrupt you," you joked as you accepted the drink before resuming your drive.

"Don’t worry about it," he laughed, "your worth the money,"

"Think you can buy my affection? “you teased as you were pulling into Richmond.

"Maybe," he said it quietly, his eyes darting away before back to yours. "Is it working?" He asked.

You turned the car off, taking a long sip out your coffee while pretending to think about it, "I think it might be," you finally said, a smile on your lips and a large grin on his. "Throw in a pastry next time and I'm yours,"

When people saw you get out the same car there were some rumours to say the least. Another drawback of the job. However, another perk was walking in right now with a coffee and a suspiciously sweet-smelling brown bag.

"I wasn't sure which to get so I picked whichever looked the sweetest," he said as he placed the bag down.

"You know me so well," you grinned, "thanks though. Take it you don't have time to have one before practise?" You asked despite knowing he didn’t, but you couldn't help but try.

Your smile plus the way your eyelashes batted had Jan Maas willing to pay the late fee. "I suppose one wouldn't hurt," he said as he moved to sit on the edge of the reception desk as you offered him a pastry, "You should make Stroopkoeken with me one day. You'd like them,"

"What are they?" You asked, not realising how adorable Jan thought your head tilt was in your confusion.

"They're like a Carmel biscuit. My mum would make them for me growing up. Better than any Starbucks pastry," he joked, “But you have to make them from scratch to get the best experience,”

“You’ll have to teach me some time,” you smiled back and is if on queue his phone began ringing.

Jan deflated when he saw his teammates call, “I’ll need to go now. I’ll see you later,”

As he began to walk away you cringed before taking a deep breath, “Wait!” you called making him stop in his tracks. “Are you free tomorrow night? Maybe we could try making those biscuits,” you offered with an awkward smile that he found insanely endearing.

A wide grin broke onto his face, “I’d love to. It’s a date,” he said before actually turning to go to practise, leaving you a grinning mess.

-

“A baking date is perfect!”

“Nah man you should go out to a restaurant for the first date,”

“Oh, what if you take her to Sam’s place for dinner first?”

“There’s a new bar up the street you could go to after,”

“What you gonna wear bruv?”

“Make sure you actually clean up. Chicks notice that kinda stuff,”

“Oh, you should get her flowers. Birds dig flowers,”

“And make sure when you go to kiss her- “

“Woah woah guys!” Jan said, standing up from the bench and pushing past his teammates who’d essentially jumped on him after practise when they found out why he was late, “It’s just a first date. Well, I think it’s a date. I said it’s a date, but people here don’t always mean date, oh god what if she doesn’t realise it’s a date?” Jan began to panic, turning to his equally clueless mates.

They were all panicking till a loud, “Oi,” stopped them, “Don’t listen to these pricks,” Roy told him after pretending not to care the whole time, “Shower, shave, tidy up, and calm down. She’ll know it’s a date since all you two do is flirt like some snot nosed teens,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Roy’s right,” Sam said, standing to put a hand on Jan’s shoulder, “You’ve got nothing to worry about,”

“Not what I said but alright,” Roy shrugged but this time he got ignored.

Well apart from Jamie who rolled his eyes before adding his own words of wisdom. “Yeah, mate just be yourself,”

-

The kitchen was now a mess, sugar spilt everywhere, and a pot that looked like it would never be clean again and of course a plate of perfectly made biscuits. “I don’t know how my mum made it look so easy,” Jan said.

You laughed as you reached up to wipe the flour off his forehead, “Yeah but they taste good so who cares,” you said, noticing the way his cheeks tinged pink whenever you touched him.

“They’re almost as sweet as you,” he smiled softly, brushing your hair out of your face making your own skin flush.

Enough was enough you thought, “So tell me something,” you said, Jan humming as he waited for you to ask, “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?” you nearly whispered.

“I thought you’d never ask,”

Pairing: Jan Maas x f!reader

Word count: 1134

Warnings: pure fluff

There were definite perks and draw backs of working at Richmond. On one hand as a receptionist, you got paid to do honestly not very much. However, on the other hand you had to deal with a weird amount of prank calls from football fans.

One recently developing perk was the free coffee you received every morning. No, it wasn't a company thing or from your boss or other colleagues. Every morning this week Jan Maas walked in with a black coffee in one hand and an iced caramel mocha latte with an extra shot of expresso in the other.

It all started when you happened to walk into work at the same time and he noticed the Starbucks cup in your hand. "Is that even coffee at this point?" He half teased half seriously wondered.

"It is coffee," you said, drawing out the words as you defended yourself as Jan opened the front door for you, "caffeine not enough for me. I need that sugar high to deal with you lot,"

Jan chuckled at you, walking you over to the desk where your coworker pretended not to be listening in. "Funny. I thought you were sweet enough. See you later," he said, walking away to leave you a blushing mess.

However as soon as he got out of sight Jan became equally as flustered as he realised what he'd said. What was worse was Sam hearing him muttering under his breath about it resulting in Sam telling all the guys who then set up a plan to teach Jan how to flirt.

The issue was he wasn't very good at it. Instead, every morning without fail he got your coffee for you. "Hey Jan," you called, rolling down your car window as you slowed down. It was 7am and he was walking to Richmond with two coffees in hand, "need a lift?"

Jan preferred to walk. He'd never really seen the big deal around cars. However, he was quick to accept your offer. "My coffees will bankrupt you," you joked as you accepted the drink before resuming your drive.

"Don’t worry about it," he laughed, "your worth the money,"

"Think you can buy my affection? “you teased as you were pulling into Richmond.

"Maybe," he said it quietly, his eyes darting away before back to yours. "Is it working?" He asked.

You turned the car off, taking a long sip out your coffee while pretending to think about it, "I think it might be," you finally said, a smile on your lips and a large grin on his. "Throw in a pastry next time and I'm yours,"

When people saw you get out the same car there were some rumours to say the least. Another drawback of the job. However, another perk was walking in right now with a coffee and a suspiciously sweet-smelling brown bag.

"I wasn't sure which to get so I picked whichever looked the sweetest," he said as he placed the bag down.

"You know me so well," you grinned, "thanks though. Take it you don't have time to have one before practise?" You asked despite knowing he didn’t, but you couldn't help but try.

Your smile plus the way your eyelashes batted had Jan Maas willing to pay the late fee. "I suppose one wouldn't hurt," he said as he moved to sit on the edge of the reception desk as you offered him a pastry, "You should make Stroopkoeken with me one day. You'd like them,"

"What are they?" You asked, not realising how adorable Jan thought your head tilt was in your confusion.

"They're like a Carmel biscuit. My mum would make them for me growing up. Better than any Starbucks pastry," he joked, “But you have to make them from scratch to get the best experience,”

“You’ll have to teach me some time,” you smiled back and is if on queue his phone began ringing.

Jan deflated when he saw his teammates call, “I’ll need to go now. I’ll see you later,”

As he began to walk away you cringed before taking a deep breath, “Wait!” you called making him stop in his tracks. “Are you free tomorrow night? Maybe we could try making those biscuits,” you offered with an awkward smile that he found insanely endearing.

A wide grin broke onto his face, “I’d love to. It’s a date,” he said before actually turning to go to practise, leaving you a grinning mess.

-

“A baking date is perfect!”

“Nah man you should go out to a restaurant for the first date,”

“Oh, what if you take her to Sam’s place for dinner first?”

“There’s a new bar up the street you could go to after,”

“What you gonna wear bruv?”

“Make sure you actually clean up. Chicks notice that kinda stuff,”

“Oh, you should get her flowers. Birds dig flowers,”

“And make sure when you go to kiss her- “

“Woah woah guys!” Jan said, standing up from the bench and pushing past his teammates who’d essentially jumped on him after practise when they found out why he was late, “It’s just a first date. Well, I think it’s a date. I said it’s a date, but people here don’t always mean date, oh god what if she doesn’t realise it’s a date?” Jan began to panic, turning to his equally clueless mates.

They were all panicking till a loud, “Oi,” stopped them, “Don’t listen to these pricks,” Roy told him after pretending not to care the whole time, “Shower, shave, tidy up, and calm down. She’ll know it’s a date since all you two do is flirt like some snot nosed teens,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Roy’s right,” Sam said, standing to put a hand on Jan’s shoulder, “You’ve got nothing to worry about,”

“Not what I said but alright,” Roy shrugged but this time he got ignored.

Well apart from Jamie who rolled his eyes before adding his own words of wisdom. “Yeah, mate just be yourself,”

-

The kitchen was now a mess, sugar spilt everywhere, and a pot that looked like it would never be clean again and of course a plate of perfectly made biscuits. “I don’t know how my mum made it look so easy,” Jan said.

You laughed as you reached up to wipe the flour off his forehead, “Yeah but they taste good so who cares,” you said, noticing the way his cheeks tinged pink whenever you touched him.

“They’re almost as sweet as you,” he smiled softly, brushing your hair out of your face making your own skin flush.

Enough was enough you thought, “So tell me something,” you said, Jan humming as he waited for you to ask, “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?” you nearly whispered.

“I thought you’d never ask,”

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[ihavemanyhusbands]

I Need You (18+)

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader

You've been casually hooking up with Aaron for a while, but even if you want something more, things aren't always so simple.

WC: 2.7k words

Warnings - SMUT!! MINORS DNI (18+), HEAVY on the angst lol, cursing, p in v, oral (f receiving), casual-ish sex, unprotected (don't be silly wrap ur willy and whatnot pls), not sure what else so lmk if I missed anything!

A/N: Omg ive been so burnt out from work I'm so sorry i promise im still writing my queue of reqs but for the sake of my sanity I needed to write this lmao I had this idea suddenly and I just LOVE ANGST!!! So I had to! Considering writing a part 2 to give them a happy ending lol in the meantime, hope you like!

It was the perfect night to stay inside. It was raining so hard that it threatened to become a deluge, thunder rumbling in the distance and only getting closer. You had brought out a couple of blankets to the living room to snuggle under, a cheesy old horror movie waiting for you on the TV. 

You dumped popcorn into a big bowl and poured yourself some more wine, humming along to a song that was stuck in your head. 

Because you weren’t expecting anyone at all, you were in full-on slob mode. Your pajamas consisted of an oversized t-shirt with a picture of Garfield and Odie on the front, along with yellow underwear that had “Tuesday” stitched on them – even if it was actually Friday. 

Your hair was braided into two pigtails, still damp from the shower. You always loved how it looked all wavy right after undoing them in the morning, like you’d just been at the beach.

Outside, there was a quick, bright flash of lightning, and you really hoped the lights wouldn’t go out. From the kitchen, you almost didn’t hear the knocking on your front door. You’d been counting the seconds between that flash and the inevitable growl of the skies – One, two, three, four, five…

But then you registered the desperate, staccato rhythm of fists pounding on wood. You rushed towards the door, peering through the peephole before throwing the door open. 

Standing on the threshold, drenched from head to toe, was the handsome Aaron Hotchner. It was at that same moment that thunder decided to rumble, but you’d long since stopped counting. The two of you momentarily stared at each other, almost as if in disbelief. 

Aaron had been your neighbor for some time now, living just at the end of the block. Still, despite the proximity, you didn’t see him very often, so your heart began racing at this turn of events.

His gaze roamed over you, taking you in, but you didn’t feel self-conscious. He always made you feel confident and sexy, no matter what you were wearing… or not wearing. He flexed his fingers anxiously, like he wanted to reach out but was holding himself back.

“May I come in?” he asked, breaking the spell you were both under.

You nodded quickly, stepping aside to let him in. He took his shoes off as you helped him remove his blazer, hanging it up by the door. You dashed toward your bathroom to retrieve a towel and handed it to him. 

“Thanks,” he murmured, toweling off his hair first. It was the most disheveled you’d ever seen it, and you’d ran your hands through it plenty of times in the past. It was a charming sight, really.

“Did you just get back?” You asked.

He nodded, draping the towel on his shoulders. You could see the bags under his eyes and the tense set of his shoulders, which you immediately wanted to help ease. 

Some time ago, he’d confided with you that he was a profiler for the FBI. He often traveled to aid in all sorts of cases, sometimes having to be away for extended periods of time, but he’d never disclosed any details about any of them.

 It was the reason you rarely saw him, but you didn’t really have the right to complain, since you two weren’t actually together. Instead, you took what you could get. 

“Come sit, you must be exhausted,” you said, starting to lead him to the living room. 

“I am,” he sighed heavily, reaching out to grab your hand to stop you. “But I just… needed to see you.”

Drawing you closer, he snaked his arms around your waist, and you rested your hands against his chest. You wiped a strand of dark hair away from his forehead, looking into his bewitching dark brown eyes. A soft smile tugged at your lips.

You remembered well the day you met him, out on the run around the neighborhood. The two of you had looked at each other and just kind of… stopped, unable to help it. It was as if the connection had been immediate.

The two of you spent the rest of that day walking around and talking, quickly finding out you lived on the same street. As time passed, one thing led to another, and soon you found yourself under him, your moans a melody in his ears.

But even if you had a burning desire for more, things were kept purely physical between the two of you. He’d explained his job was very demanding, and he wasn’t able to keep a serious relationship at the moment.

Once, he’d even told you that being with him would be risky for a myriad of reasons. And yet, he admitted he didn’t think he could keep himself totally away from you.

You said you didn’t mind, wanting to keep seeing him too, betraying your heart in the process. You found that each time you saw him, you fell just a little bit more for him. It was hard not to.

Not that you would tell him this, of course. It felt a little… selfish to feel that way. So just being around him was enough for the time being.

“Welcome home, I’m really glad you’re here,” you whispered, fingers trailing over his shoulders. “Why don’t we get you out of these wet clothes and warm you up? I can take care of you.”

His gaze became heated, and without another word, he bent down to kiss you. His hands cradled your face as you opened your mouth, granting his tongue access. 

You began undoing the buttons of his shirt, fumbling a little as your tongue tangled with his. You did not stop kissing him even as you slid it off of him, along with his undershirt. You pressed yourself against him, his cool skin a nice contrast against all the warmth you emanated. His hands traveled south, towards the hem of your shirt. 

You only separated for a moment as he pulled it over your head, but then he was on you again, kissing not just your lips, but your jaw and neck as well. You sighed contentedly, eyes fluttering closed as you surrendered to pleasure. 

“I needed you so bad,” he rasped against your throat. “I missed your smell, your softness.”

You melted at his words. It had not been easy to get Aaron to speak so freely. It definitely took a lot of patience and understanding, as well as a lot of honesty of your own. That feeling of mutual trust was not one you took lightly.

“I’m here,” you assured him, tangling your fingers in his hair as his lips trailed further down, leaving open mouthed kisses in their wake.

He took one of your nipples into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it. Your back arched as his hand tweaked your other nipple, at the same time that his teeth lightly grazed the sensitive skin. He smirked at your sharp intake of breath.

Then suddenly, you yelped as he pulled back only to pick you up, carrying you to your bedroom. He gently laid you down on the bed, undoing his belt and kicking his pants off before crawling over you. His mouth was back on you, licking and sucking and kissing all the places he knew would make you squirm.

“Oh, Aaron…” you sighed. “Did I mention I missed you too?”

“I know, baby, I know,” he said, planting a salacious kiss on your navel. “I’m gonna make you feel so good to make up for it.”

You couldn’t help but shiver in anticipation. 

He chuckled at your choice of underwear, eyes gleaming with fondness as he looked up at you. You gave him a sheepish smile as he pulled them down, kissing your thighs as he pushed them apart. Your hips jerked as he dove forward, licking a long, languid stripe through your folds. He groaned against your skin at the taste of you, inserting his tongue into your center.  

You fisted the sheets as you rocked your hips, seeking more friction. He brought a hand up to keep you steady, thumb brushing over your sensitive clit. The way you whimpered and moaned for him was glorious. He knew the sound would be stuck in his head for days to come. His mouth replaced his thumb on your clit, and he insterted one finger into you as he sucked your bundle of nerves between his lips. 

“Holy fuck,” you hissed, fingers tangling in his hair. “Don’t stop, please…”

Your wish was his command, so he only doubled his efforts, inserting a second finger into you. Your muscles tensed, and you were unable to utter any more coherent words. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you kept his head in place, that tight coil that had formed in your stomach finally snapping. He felt you clench hard around his fingers as you came, pride swelling in his chest. 

When he rose to his knees, the lower half of his face glistened with your arousal, and he was smiling with utter satisfaction. If there was one thing he truly enjoyed – and was really good at – it was giving you as many orgasms as he could. He loved seeing the heavy rise and fall of your chest, along with the blush that spread over your cheeks and nose. The beatific smile that inevitably followed, always directed at him. He would never tire of it.

This time, you pulled him towards you, kissing him fiercely, humming at the taste of yourself on his tongue. He groaned, helping you pull his briefs down before settling his hips between your legs.

“I need you,” you whispered against his lips, bucking your hips so his hardened length slid against your soaked pussy.

He wanted to tease you a little bit more, to make you beg, but the need to be inside you was much greater. Reaching a hand down, he lined himself up with your entrance and ever-so-slowly sank into you. He leaned his forehead against yours, both of you exhaling sharply when he was fully seated inside of you.

Your thighs squeezed his hips as he began to thrust slowly, letting you feel every inch of him. You’d missed the feeling of him stretching you, his body flush against yours, unsure of where you ended and he began. 

Soon he picked up the pace, groaning out your name as the obscene sounds of flesh slapping together filled the room. 

“You take me so well…” he praised between pants, feeling your walls flutter around him at his words. 

“H-harder, Aaron, please,” you begged. “Fuck… your cock just feels so good.”

He couldn’t deny you anything, truly. Pulling back a little, he brought your legs up so your ankles rested on his shoulders. He felt impossibly deep at this angle, the sensation close to being overwhelming, but not in a bad way. He pounded into you, and you gripped his shoulders tightly, as if attempting to anchor yourself.

Your mouth was slack in pleasure, brows furrowed and eyes fluttering closed. His name fell from your lips like a prayer, completely at his mercy. His movements soon became more erratic, hips jutting at an irregular rhythm. When he realized he was close, he wanted you to come along with him, so his hand snaked down between you. He rubbed your clit in quick, tight circles, your muscles tensing once again. 

“C-can I…” he tried to formulate, unable to finish his sentence.

You understood him all the same, nodding enthusiastically. “Yes, inside me, please!”

Mere seconds after you said that, the two of you stumbled into oblivion, unable to hold back any longer. You cried out his name as he groaned, movements halting as he spent inside of you, his cock twitching. He shuddered as he felt you clench around him, milking out his orgasm.

“There’s a good girl. You like coming for me, don’t you?” He grunted, smirking at your flushed features.

You smiled demurely at his words, nodding. “Oh, I love it.”

As he started to come down from his high, he continued to gaze down at you adoringly, kissing your calf as he gently brought your legs back down. In his eyes, you were the most glorious sight of all, completely bare and undone. All thanks to him. 

Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he already felt like you were his. Despite keeping you at an arms length, he held his feelings for you close to his chest. He cared too much about you to put you in any sort of danger, which was why he did not let himself have what he truly wanted. 

He lied on the bed facing you, pulling you closer to him and kissing the top of your head. You nuzzled his neck, breathing him in and rejoicing in the feeling of having him here, all to yourself. At least for the time being. 

“I think this is my favorite part,” you said against his skin, almost purring at the feeling of his fingers stroking your hair.

He huffed in response, staring vacantly at the wall, deep in thought. It had to be his favorite part, too. He could feel as your heart rate slowed to a steady rhythm, matching his. Your lips planting lazy little kisses all over his throat.

To have you like this felt incredibly selfish, and he hated himself for putting you in this position. He couldn’t help his thoughts from beginning to spiral, depite the influx of euphoria running throughout his body.

“Have you ever…” he began, clearing his throat as he searched for his courage. “Thought of seeing somebody else?”

You pulled back to frown at him, but he didn’t meet your gaze. “What?”

“I mean, is just this good enough for you? Don’t you ever want more?”

“W-where is this coming from?” You asked, pulling further back. “Did you meet someone? Is this your way of telling me?”

He quickly shook his head. “No, nothing like that. I guess I just have a hard time believing you’re content with seeing me only every so often, no commitment, no guarantee of anything… I can’t think of the reason why.”

You averted your eyes. “Does there have to be a reason?”

He shrugged, unsure of what to say. Frankly, there were instances in which you wondered the same thing, but deep down, you already knew the answer. You were scared of facing it, yes, but you were even more scared of him finding out.

“Well, to be clear, if I didn’t want you around – if I didn’t want this – you wouldn’t be here right now,” you said, idly tracing patters in the sheet beneath you with your finger. “So maybe you’re just gonna have to take my word for it.”

Sometimes you truly couldn’t understand why he thought the world would be out to get you for being with him. You were no one, you reasoned. You were merely a sinful secret, a reprieve from the harsh realities of the world. Realities that he never wanted you to witness, especially not after everything he knew you’d already been through.

You were yet to teach him that you truly could take care of yourself, too. In due time, perhaps.

With a deep sigh, he wordlessly embraced you once more, keeping you close for a long moment. He tried to memorize the velvety soft feel of your skin, the light freesia scent of your shampoo, and how you would always eagerly melt into his kiss. He’d need something to hold on to until the next time he saw you.

“Are you going to stay tonight?” You asked softly, wanting to pretend a little longer.

He nodded, looking down to meet your gaze as you pulled back once more. “But I have a really early start tomorrow. I’ll probably be gone before you wake up.”

You stroked his cheek tenderly, silently holding his gaze for a moment. 

“How many times are we supposed to say goodbye to each other, you think?”

“As many as it takes.”

Until it’s real. Until either of us actually means it.

[burning-academia-if]

Morningsssssss!!! (If it's even morning for you.. sure k.. way to assume shit Liz 🤦‍♀️)

I hope you had a very very lovely weekend.

I'm so glad to see all these notifications pop up from you! Even the ones where i know you're gonna make me regret romancing Rooks stubborn ass!

Why do i always go for the tough ROs?? Is it masochism..prolly.

I will still probably come and shout in your asks anyway about how sad you make me (and how much i love it)

Onto my ask. Sorry. I ramble you know this by now. 🫣

School formal time!!!! ✨️ not at all because i got roped in to plan the 7th grade formal at all!

But if MC was too afraid of rejection to ask out an RO to a school dance to their face and instead just slipped them a sweet note with a yes no check box and just walked away right after giving it to them. What would they do?

(Queue lars throwing my fucking note away) 😭😒

It is the opposite of morning for me actually, I'm about to go to bed! Also yeah, this weekend was unexpectedly busy lol. I'm surprised I managed to keep up with everything! Also this is giving BA: teen drama edition so let's pretend this is high school

Rook: He notices you slipped something to him, and he knows what it is. He waits until he's alone to open it up, frowning to himself. Is it better to lie and say he lost it? He can't imagine rejecting you, but he can't imagine this either. He takes a breath and crumples it up. When he sees you next, he apologizes for 'losing it' and asks what was in it, knowing you're too shy to answer

Beck: He also knows what it is, but he waits for the right time to give it back to you. He writes a big 'X' on 'yes' and catches you at a time the both you will be alone. He hands it back, voice soft, "I'll pick you up at 6?" His eyes are twinkling

Rhea: When she sees what it is, she doesn't want to wait. She quickly scribbles in the yes box and rushes after you. When she sees you, she quickly calls out to you, and takes your hand. She presses the note into it, and gives you a bright smile. "I'd love to go to the dance with you."

Zoe: This catches them off guard, but they find it really cute? They're nervous all day, but in a giddy kind of way, and by the time they finally meet up with you their nerves are frayed. They manage to get it together enough to mark yes and slip it back into your locker

Lars: He frowns at it, before folding it back up and putting it back in his bag. When he sees you next he unfolds it and shows it back to you, unmarked. "Really, a note?" When you try to stammer your way out of it, he crumbles it up. "You have better choices then a burn out. If you're serious though, ask me later to my face."

???: They laugh softly to themselves when they see the note. Later, when you're walking down the hall, you feel a tug as they pull you into an empty classroom, like a secret rendezvous. They're so close to you, close enough to slip the note into your bag or your pocket. "I thought I'd return this." They pull away and walk back out into the hall. When you pull at the note, you see the 'yes' has been filled with a heart.

[lovejosephquinn]

Part 1 > Part 2

Angst to fluff. Break up to Make up.

Summary of Part 1: Joe and reader break up due to a drunken kiss Joe had at a party one night, she tells him to come over to collect his stuff but ends up sleeping with him one last time, both now sharing a broken heart, he tries to beg for forgiveness but she tells him to leave. He blocks her number and it's time to move on...

Summary of Part 2: It's four years later and Joe and reader bump into one another in the street, catching up she invites him over but instead he gets a surprise that is deemed life changing...

Tag list: @joeschains @munsons-mayhem28 @theoneandlaurie @aysheashea @itsfreakingbats @live-love-be-unique @josephfakingquinn @paranoidmunson @kayleeelena97 @figmentofquinn @choke-me-eddie @etherealglimmer @ches-86 @ali-r3n @daleyeahson @queengirl56 @sadbitchfangirl @purplerain85 @whoscamila @joe-quinn-loving-queer @freakymunson @idkjoequinn @astridflowers @evansgal

Word Count: 4k

Life was never the same again after that one afternoon that you said goodbye to someone you thought you'd love forever for the last time. It was not goodbye in the respect you'd never see his face again, plastered all over social media and various new movies you'd see him, reaching new levels of fame and soaring high in his career, that was the only way to see the man you once adored, yet it was a farewell all the same and a chapter you'd now closed in your life.

Four years had passed and everything had changed, you no longer cried yourself to sleep at night, you were in a job you didn't necessarily mind, you'd moved into a house, had a few dates here and there that didn't really last long for one reason or another yet above all that; you had the greatest gift of all. You were comfortable to say the least.

You wandered around the streets of Soho, London one sunny morning, not somewhere you went too often but your free day saw you in the mood for exploring your own city. Finding a quaint little café on a secluded part of town, the smell of fresh pastries and patisseries, coffee and the chatter of friends and people minding their own business were scattered around, you entered the glass door with the ring of a bell above it with the hope of a decent breakfast. You smiled at the scents around you, the warmth of the sunlight shining brightly through the big windows behind you, the queue was slightly long but you had all the time in the world, not an often occurrence in this day and age but you'd make the most of it.

Ordering a large coffee and pain au chocolat to go, you stood by the side of the counter before the barista called your name to collect your order, your stomach rumbled as you watched others devour their breakfast just as you were about to. Heading outside to bask in the sun and people watch, another of your favourite past times, you bit into the oozing French pastry, your eyes almost rolling to the back of your head when the first bite hit your tastebuds.

Finishing it off quickly, you took the lid off of your coffee and began to walk back along the streets, your phone buzzed and you were too preoccupied staring down at it when you came to a sudden holt, stumbling and slamming into the lower chest of a person before you, your coffee spilled all over you and the stranger in question.

"Shit I'm so sorry!" You began to wipe yourself down, your chest burning from the clutch of the hot beverage, stains seeping down your summer dress.

"No, please I didn't look where I was-" The voice broke through your ear drums like a curse, a familiar sound if ever you'd heard one but you weren't quite sure where you'd heard it or why, scared to look up due to the pause of the low male voice, you instead sauntered to a nearby bin, throwing away the coffee cup, only to hear the voice catch up with you once again.

"Y/N? Is that you?"

You turned around and finally brought yourself to look a few inches up. Your ex boyfriend also known as Joseph more formally.

"Jos- Joe. Hi, oh my goodness. I didn't recognise you in-"

"This hat? No it's a disguise." He smirked playfully, god had you missed that look. You had to do a mental shake of your head, though it was years on you still needn't forget what he'd left you with.

"A pretty rubbish disguise if I ever saw one." You chuckled a small laugh his way, earning one back in return. Joe rubbed the back of his neck in an awkwardly shy remark.

"So what're you doing round my end?" He asked.

"Didn't realise Soho belonged to you." Your sarcasm showed and Joe noticed it right away, watching you glance around the area.

"You haven't changed a bit." He laughed again.

"I didn't intend to, good or bad?"

"Good. Always good." Joe smiled. It was like you were old friends, everything fell into place like something you'd never lost. But you had lost him, you'd lost him all those years ago and you were willing to forgive but you'd certainly not forget.

"So what're you doing here?" He was trying his best to keep the conversation alive, just awaiting the next sarcastic move.

"Well I was enjoying my coffee but apparently it had other ideas."

"Can I get you another, you know to make up for the one you lost?" Joe offered that smile that made you melt, the one you'd see on social media a lot of the time, the one that you couldn't ever say no to, a free coffee though? What's there to lose.

"Sure. It's the least you can do." You walked over to a different cafe, as much as to save the embarrassment of going back to the previous one to show off your stained clothing. Joe remembered your order, which was surprising due to the amount of time that'd passed, but it was sweet nevertheless.

Sitting down at the nearest table, you gazed out of the window once more, feeling not just the warmth of the sun anymore, but the burning of your blushing cheeks from the brown eyes that burnt into you, staring intently.

"So what's new with you?" Joe asked.

"Life's life. Decent job, new house-"

"Love life?" Wow. He had to drop the L bomb.

"Non existent." He looked somewhat relieved and surprised at the same time. That was clearly the one answer he wanted.

"Honestly, the same."

You talked for hours, catching up and bringing up old memories and times when you were happy together, teasing one another about silly little things, you'd not smiled like this in a long time, yet little did you know, in the same respect; neither had Joe.

He took a glance at his phone, whispering under a short breath shit, looking back up to you with sad eyes. "I gotta go, got a photoshoot to get to at the other side of town in 15 minutes."

"Duty calls." You smiled miserably, anyone could see through that smile, you were sad the short and surprising meet was coming to an end so quickly.

"C-could I maybe get your number? You know so we can maybe see each other again?" He dared ask the question that made your heart beat through your chest, the whole phone situation was a delicate one with you and him, especially because the last time you tried to contact him in desperation, he'd blocked you.

"Of course." You tapped your number in his phone and he quickly sent you a little smiley emoji so you had his in return.

"You're looking great by the way, I've missed you love."

"You too." You meant that in both ways, but keeping it short and sweet as a way to not get the wrong message from one another, you just agreed. Joe left swiftly, looking back once to offer you that beautiful yet reluctant smile.

Your head was in sub space for a while after, you couldn't quite believe what'd happened and it felt so right. After all this time, there was something you couldn't quite put your finger on, a coincidence, the universe sending you a message maybe? The second chance could've been there but you weren't rushing too quickly into it, you would only go as slow as your heart was telling you to but still your mind was racing ten to the dozen.

You'd just finished your house chores when your phone buzzed and you ran over to it like an excited child. It was exactly who you wanted to be on your notifications when your phone lit up.

Joe: Hey, it was so good to see you again x

You: Wasn't so bad to see you again either x

Joe: Maybe you could come over tonight? x

You: Let me check my schedule... x

Joe: Okay miss popular x

You: Appears I have space to fit you in, send me your address and I'll be there x

Joe: *Joseph shared location on maps*

Joe: See you at about 6pm? x

You: Looking forward to it x

A quick invite lead to you losing your mind, again, what had you got to lose? There was nothing wrong with hanging out with your ex from years ago, plus other secrets that you held, it was just something that maybe was meant to happen, something you'd silently dreamed of for a little while, gotten out of your head and then it reappeared again like a hidden surprise.

You turned up dead on 6pm, checking your phone to make sure you'd got the right address and knocked at the door. You didn't knock a third time before the door swung open and there stood him. Looking slightly more casual than earlier, glasses firmly a top his head, a warm and welcoming smile as he gestured for you to come in.

You don't know quite where the moment started or where it ceased to end, but a lovely meal cooked by the man himself, followed by a few glasses of wine ended in you getting a little too comfortable with Joe, maybe it was the liquid courage or maybe it was the feeling telling you to go with it. A what will be will be kind of situation. You were unsure how you'd managed to find Joe's lips plastered to yours, moulded perfectly as they moved in unison. It hadn't even been 24 hours since you met again for the first time and already sparks were flying between you. They say you never truly get over your first love and it showed in the situation you'd found yourself in.

Joe had caged you beneath him and the sofa and you were in full make out mode, tongues dancing and gliding around each other, hands roaming over each others bodies, the most intimate and beautiful moment you'd felt yourself getting into in such a long time, butterflies flipped in your stomach and your heart was racing in full panic attack mode, but you were happy and to your knowledge so was the man kissing you, you could almost tell by the smile you felt in the midst of the passionate encounter.

Joe pulled away, scanning your features, stroking his fingers down your cheek, enjoying the softness of your skin against his digits. "Maybe I didn't realise how much I'd truly missed you darling."

"Me either." You took a short sigh, content nonetheless but still a little scared. Focusing on the present and the most handsome man you'd ever laid your eyes on, you stroked your fingers along his jaw, he relaxed in your touch and closed his eyes, coming down immediately to plant sweet sloppy kisses along your own jaw and down to your neck. A small whimper erupted from your throat, which egged Joe on further, his hands now pressed firmly to your clothed breasts.

A crashing reality hit you when your phone rang, the vibration running along the coffee table next to you, you tried to ignore it but then the vibrations came again, and then again.

"Maybe I should answer that."

"Just ignore it."

It rang again. You moved up as a sign for Joe to get off of you. Moment ruined. It was your mum, you swiped your phone off of the table quickly and ran into the kitchen so Joe couldn't hear the other end. He tried his hardest to listen to the conversation and the tension rising, he swore he heard the sound of a faint cry coming from the receiving line, making his brow furrow.

"Yes mum, I'll come right away." You ended the call, rushing back into the living room standing a couple of metres away from the area where you had just been underneath Joe minutes before.

"I have to go, I'm so sorry, I'll text you though. Tonight's been amazing Joe. Thank you." Joe noticed the apprehension in your voice, tilting his head to the side in a worried manner.

"Everything ok?" He said in a concerned tone.

"Yeah, absolutely. Just need to get to my mums."

"I can take you if you-"

"No, it's fine. See you soon." You ran out the door with nothing but a blunt reply, slamming the door and rushing to the tube station to get to your mum's house. Luckily she didn't live far from Joe's so it made the journey all the more shorter.

Your phone had buzzed a couple of times upon your return home, it took you some time to look at it this time around, not being able to reply as quickly as you wanted too, your head full of stupid thoughts on what Joe could've been thinking about your quick exit.

Sitting on your bed, exhausted and with full intent to go to sleep, first you read through the messages.

Joe: I hope everything's ok? I hope I didn't take it too far. I know we have history and all that but I was really happy to see you again, even in that way... x

Joe: Let me know you're good. It's been a while and you haven't replied x

Joe: Y/N. Regardless of you not replying, just let me know when you're ready, if everything's ok at least, I'm worried about you x

You tapped your fingers fast, feeling quite apologetic in your reply.

You: I'm sorry I had to just leave like that. It wasn't you and I'm fine. Reality called and I had to answer it. There is one thing you really do need to know and if you're certain you want to be in my life, it now comes with a package deal... x

Your hesitation to press send almost made you want to vomit, now you were the one who was worried.

Joe: Package deal? What're you talking about... Of course I want to be in your life, friends or maybe more again someday, we can take things slow x

You: Come over tomorrow. I'll send you my address, please don't be scared but there's something you need to see x

Joe: I'll be there. I'm not scared of anything, I'd just be scared of losing you again. There's no worse feeling than that x

Tomorrow would come too soon, you were the one who was scared, scared of his reaction to what you needed to show him. Something that belonged to him, not the sweater of his you'd kept all of these years in the back of your wardrobe, something a lot more close to home. It was your own decision to bring this up too quickly, but he needed to know the truth as soon as possible.

Your phone buzzed and your hands shook in its grasp.

Joe: I'm on my way, I'll be 15 minutes if I don't hit traffic x

You: Ok x

You put your phone back on the kitchen counter top and bent with your elbows firmly pressed against it, rubbing your hands over your face and taking a huge inhale of oxygen, it was almost time.

You didn't hear it at the time when you were upstairs in the bathroom, but there was a knock at the front door. Behind it stood a slightly nerved Joe. The front door slowly opened and where your face should've been stood all he could see was through into your home. He double took when he looked down to see a little girl staring back at him.

"Hello are you mummy's friend?"

Joe's jaw dropped, his hands became clammy and his mouth filled with saliva, the type that you feel when you're about to throw up.

"I-I am. I'm Joe." You had literally gotten to the doorway and watched the love of your life meet the other love of your life, your eyes grew as wide as Joe's in that second and you felt paralyzed from head to toe.

"You can come in if you want" she said politely, totally oblivious and innocent to the tension between yourself and him. Joe couldn't take his eyes off of her, he was stunned, practically the last thing he could've imagined.

Your daughter ran over to you and you swooped her up in your arms, carefully watching Joe's every reaction. "Joe, I'd like you to meet my darling girl, Madison."

For the first time in his own life, he was speechless yet full of questions, not necessarily questions he could be asking in front of the little girl, but there was enough time for that.

You gave her a quick peck on the cheek and set her feet to the ground. "Why don't you go and watch some tv whilst I talk to my friend Mads?" She nodded and took a brief wave at Joe before skipping off to the living room.

You felt so close but yet so far away from him in this mere moment, waiting for his response; whether it be good or bad something had to come of it.

"So you had a baby?" Joe asked, his eyes firmly pressed to the ground.

"I did. She's amazing, the best thing in my life." You smiled sympathetically, you knew this was going to be a lot for him to take in.

"How old is she?"

"She's four going on fourteen. Sassy little madam at times."

It didn't take a genius to work out the timings, but Joe was still taken back and couldn't get the hint.

"She's definitely a cutie."

"Just like her dad." Joe glanced at you, his eyes filling with water, tears clung to his eye lids like his life depended on it.

"Wait what?" Joe whispered. You took his hand and lead him into the kitchen/dining area, sitting him down and making a drink of water for the both of you, god knows he needed it.

"Just shy of five years ago, we ended things for the last time Joe. We did what we did and then about a month later, I found out I was pregnant. She's yours Joe." He ran his fingers through his curls, his eyes boring into you like daggers.

"How do you know-"

"Can't you see it? She literally looks just like you. The eyes, the smile, the curls, her mannerisms. Everything about Madison is you. Whether you want to be a part of her life is up to you, we will tell her in good time, but please make the decision quickly because I don't want you to change your mind and break her heart like you did mine."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He looked like he was gasping for air. Your hands that were laid flat on your dining table were now clutched by his, a small part of his lips and a single tear rolling down his cheek.

"I was scared Joe. But fate brought me to you yesterday and you needed to know the truth even if it is four years too late."

"All this time, after all this time..." Joe sniffled, tears of your own now matched the ones staining his cheeks.

"So you will?"

"Of course I will. I've never wanted anything more. It's a god damn shock don't get me wrong, but a surprise of the best kind and quite the relief that she's mine." Joe snorted a shy laugh and you returned it.

"You'd be blind not to notice that she wasn't yours."

"Madison..."

"Quinn, I gave her your last name. It was only right, even if you weren't there through it all. You're still her father."

"Has she never questioned it?"

"I think she's a little young to notice right now, but in time she would have and I would of told her the truth. But all in good time now, just get to know her at your own pace, she's very forthcoming with people, she'll love you."

Joe gave your hands a reassuring squeeze and a swift nod, getting up from the table and taking a head start into the living room. You took a long gulp of your water and a sharp sigh, smiling to yourself at the positive vibe you got from him, that he was willing to step up, that he was able to go through with this even though it was a shock to his system, for now it gave you such hope.

You tiptoed to the doorway of the living room, setting your sights upon Joe and Madison sat on the floor in front of the tv, she was showing him her favourite teddy bear, one she'd had since she was born, telling Joe all about it's backstory and that she took it everywhere.

"You can hold it if you want" she passed the bear over to Joe and he put it on his lap, cross legged they both turned their attention to the tv screen.

"This is my favourite, mummy watches it with me all the time. Will you stay and watch it with me Joe?"

"Of course I will." Joe smiled, feeling the presence of you behind him, turning his head round to shoot a smile your way, the softest most purest smile you'd ever seen.

You mouthed at him a thank you with a sweet grin in return, wiping a tear from your eyes as Maddie reached for the blanket at the side of her, offering Joe the corner of the small sheet. He gladly took it, their shared mannerisms shining through, you shook your head when you watched them tilt their head to the side in unison as if it were some form of telepathy. She was definitely her father's daughter.

Nothing could be certain of where you and Joe would head in the next chapter of your lives, whether it be a good friendship, or something that would go further, but sticking to your guns and focusing on the present was the best idea and the view of it was perfect from where you were standing.

[mooncello]

I can feel the crash coming, behind my ribs. I will likely not recognize myself in the morning. Maybe even in the next couple of hours. So I'm writing this before the bloodied darkness swallows my brain. A note to my future self. This isn't forever even though it feels like it. It's okay to cry in the middle of the cereal aisle. It's okay to scream until your vocal chords bleed. It's okay to smash shit. Break a fucking glass, instead of eyeing the knives in the kitchen. It's okay to make the most fucked up art. It's okay to curse every piece of art you've made. It's okay to stare at the wall and do absolutely nothing. This isn't forever even though it feels like it. Try and remember to sip water. Do the bare minimum at work. Sleep, and when you can't sleep, queue up your ao3 bookmarks. You've got a playlist for this. Silence is good, too. The trees on your street are good listeners and don't think it's weird when you go nonverbal or start cursing or sobbing. They've seen it all and want to remind you that they feel death, too, every cycle around the sun. This isn't forever even though it feels like it. And when it's at its worst, when it feels like your skin is the only thing keeping your blood and guts together, breathe a fucking full breath into your lungs. Forget the rest. Nothing else is happening, just the air filling those pink squishy bags in your chest. Let it go, and do it again. And again. It's still gonna hurt, but you're now several more seconds into the future than you thought you could get. Bro, I am so fucking proud of you. Yes, you're allowed to throw your phone when you read that. 'Cos it still hurts. Hug your cat. Look at how cute her paws are. Text your friend. No, not that one, she never understands. Yes, that one. They love you. They love you so much. I love you. It won't feel like it by the time you read this, but I do. I'm your fucking ride or die. And we're not dying today. This isn't forever even though it feels like it.

[kouros-herc]

Swyn Task: 'Do You Remember'

Caught In The Undertow

29/09/2024

Disclaimer - I have heavily re-used tracks from the 2022 Wrimo task 'Soundtrack To Your Life' depicting one of Herc's other lowest points. This is on purpose, because he's feeling so many of the same feelings, despite everything that is different in his life (and also because I only know so many songs ok).

Track 1: Uncomfortably Slow - Newton Faulkner

Traveling again / I know exactly how it's gonna end / the routine daydream starts as I get off / I'm holding up the queue / because my ticket won't go through / I know it should be simple but it's not /

This is such a song about depression, to be honest. It captures the idea of the world carrying on turning as you're caught in this place where something is really fundamentally wrong. You can know you're lucky to have some things, and still feel like you're drowning. Yeah.

Track 2: Numb - Abe Parker

When my family stopped askin' what was wrong with me / and the character flaws turned into personality / I don't know how I got here / I thought I still felt my feet on the ground / and just like that, I'm going numb /

This is part of how I envision Herc's burnout. He is, at his best, a person who feels so much and has so much love and energy and excitement, but lately that's been further and further away. Instead he's been quiet and shy, struggling to find the joy in so many things he loves... it's a really shitty place to be. I think the song also nicely captures the surrounding fear, like... he's pleading not to go back to that place.

Track 3: Numb - Linkin Park

All I want to do is be more like me / and be less like you /

This is more abstract, envisioning Hercules' inner perception of himself and the expectations he puts on himself and how that creates this insane burden, and the feeling of failing that is just pushing him further and further from his best self. Besides, every good breakdown needs an angry song, right?

Track 4: Morning Elvis - Florence & The Machine

The bathroom tiles were cool against my head / I pressed my forehead to the floor / and prayed for a trapdoor / I've been here many times before /

In the aftermath of what we see in the self-para, eventually, when Herc has let it all down, this is the song that takes over. It is sad, and sorrowful, and self-reflective. It is, in many ways, a song about how pressure can make a person burn out and the place that leaves them. But the orchestration does also have something hopeful in it, I like to think, in the rising patterns within the music and the way it swells towards the end.

Track 5: Dear Hope - Brittany O'Grady (From Little Voice)

Dear hope / if you can hear me, don't go? / I don't feel you know, but I know you're there / Dear hope / I could really use you now / throw me a rope / throw me a rope / Dear hope.

I can't seem to shake it yet / feeling that things may never change ...

Hope is such an integral part of who Herc is, it's the thing that gives him optimism, it's the way he constantly tells himself that things will change and get better. Sometimes it hurts him, but at the end of the day if there is one thing he would pray to without hesitation, in his lowest moments, it would be hope.

[namuneulbo]

week one hundred and forty three

we started our roadtrip back home to stockholm on monday. we got to the port around 18 so we spent some time walking around. we had ice cream and i ended up getting the worst stomach ache ever. i've always been lactose intolerant but like this was BAD. oh my god, why am i this white? i was being brave about it for a bit until it started getting so bad i genuinely felt like passing out and throwing up at the same time. ended up paying for a nasty ass bathroom just a few hundred meters before the port terminal. it was quite embarrassing honestly. my sister's boyfriend bought me some water while my sister and the dog waited outside for me.

we began walking towards the car again until i once again started passing out so my sister's boyfriend ended up going to the car to pick us up from where we were. once we were queueing to board the ferry i went to the bathroom while i still could. it was a parent and their two children in front of me but they saw me crouching and lowkey dying so they let me go first. ended up occupying one the three stalls for like 20 minutes. after a while someone knocked and asked if someone was in there and i answered with a short yes. a little later, the same person knocked again and went "hey, you've been there for a while, there are people waiting," and i just replied being like "sorry but i'm throwing up," (because... they didn't need to know that i was actually blowing up the toilet seat lactose intolerance style). after another short while they knock again and pulls on the door handle and yells "HEY, YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR AGES! I HAVE SMALL CHILDREN WAITING AND THERE ARE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE QUEUEING!" and i literally just reply like "hey, too bad but i'm l i t e r a l l y throwing up as we speak so i can't really do anything about that." the timing was really poor because my sister ended up texting me that i should get back because the queue had started moving so i had to leave anyways. i really wanted to just stay in there longer than i would've needed just to piss off that annoying bitch.

my stomach still hurt as i got back in the car. i was given a barf bag but it wasn't needed thankfully. i would've probably just preferred throwing up though. it's so much quicker, less painful and you feel like you're rebirthed afterwards. once we got on the ferry i rushed towards our cabin but they were still cleaning so i went to one of the public bathrooms instead. i tried going to the women's room but it had two stalls and a queue and my stomach was hurting so bad i couldn't wait. ended up going in the separate disabled/unisex toilet. i fear what i have done in there can be both ableist and transphobic so i am truly sorry for whoever went in there after me but i hope you can forgive me for my lactose induced sins.

i spent the rest of the evening in the cabin, my sister and her boyfriend came by with a sandwich and some sparkling water.

tuesday morning. woke up to the alarm saying that the cleaning staff has started cleaning the cabins. i slept surprisingly well and i woke up surprisingly non-groggy even though it was 5 in the morning.

i took a bath when we came home, shaved, got ready to go to h's place for a sleepover. my dad and his girlfriend came by though so i stayed a little longer than i planned. we had vietnamese for late lunch/early dinner. it was my first time trying pho. i really liked it.

h and i had originally planned to do some stuff before going to his place in the evening but we both agreed that we just wanted to chill. i met his dad for the first time. he was really nice. we met briefly before h and i went to his room and were kind of all over each other since we hadn't seen each other for almost a month. let's just say i had to redo my lipstick before we went up for dinner.

his dad was really kind. i liked him! it was quite embarrassing because he knew i was vegetarian but dinner was just microwaveable pizza and my lactose ass can't really handle those well so i couldn't eat too much. h started explaining to his dad that i'm lactose intolerant and he even said he could make something else for me but i kept having to be like "oh no, it's fine. i can have some. don't worry about it!"

i honestly don't know how much into detail i should go. i don't believe in virginity as a concept. i think it's stupid. in my definition however, i've now lost such thing. i already did before i went to finland but now it feels a bit more legit. more complete if you catch my drift. a more solid start and finish one might say. still have another step to take, the 'real' step i guess but it's quite bullshit considering then lesbian sex wouldn't be real sex so you know. i think i've done the act of s word by now, even if some people wouldn't think so.

i ended up staying until 19 the next day. we ordered some food. he got kebab and i got indian. the indian food was so bad. i was between ramen and indian but no ramen place delivered that far so there was one singular indian place left that delivered. the naan was so dry and the tofu masala was so incredibly mid. i love indian food, man, i was so disappointed.

i was quite productive on thursday. i unpacked all the stuff and now my room feels way more like me. there's still one box left at home + my keyboard but it's good for now.

friday i hung out with h. we had a little argument the night before so we originally planned to like... talk about it face to face but ended up letting it be and just agreeing that we both were in the wrong kind of. still feel like i might be more in the wrong though, i don't know. i have no opinion kind of.

it ended up being a fun time though. i met his mom for the first time. he told me beforehand that she might be a bit traditional so i had no idea what to expect. he was like "oh, she's nice and all, she'll probably talk a lot and try to offer things to you but she's also not used to alternative styles," or something along those lines. she did talk a lot. i didn't mind, i'm shy anyways. she was nice though. afterwards h texted me saying she had told him she thought my personality was very different from the way i dress. emos can be nice? who would've thought. no, but actually. she seems cool.

got to borrow a sweater when i went home. i thought it would be chillier than it was. still appreciated the sweater. it's vintage levi's from the 1970's. it's really cool. he told me to be careful with it though because the resale value's 20 000 sek TT he's such a brand bro.

saturday was pride + cousin's birthday bash. we had champagne brunch at 10 with me, a, e, j and l. it was so good. then me, a and e went to walk in the pride parade. it was my first time attending stockholm pride. i had a good time but the playlist was kind of ass and it started raining for a bit halfway through. we walked past some nazis and christians protesting. it was still fun though since everyone collectively booed. less fun was the combat aircraft that flew above us at one point. i was about to shit my pants, it was so loud. i was convinced we were getting bombed. there's no info about it on the internet though.

afterwards we went back home for a bit before heading out for drinks. we went to a bar. r joined after a while. when it was time for dinner we met up with h and l outside the restaurant. it was this fancy ass chinese restaurant. it was probably one of the best meals i've had. everything was so good. creamed a little. so expensive though but you know... of course it is. we went to a club afterwards. i was too young to enter but we still tried in case they'd allow it since everyone else was well past the age restriction and i'm still of age to drink and stuff. they didn't let it slide though so i had to go home. i called h on the way home. i originally did it to ease anxiety a little bit but it ended up being a lot of people out so i didn't feel scared at all. i still talked to him though because i wanted to.

today i've tried being productive but it hasn't gone too well. i keep sidetracking but just wait until tomorrow B)

sotw: fall out boy - dead on arrival

[chaoticspacefam]

Aria and D'leah for World-building Wednesday~ darth bagel sends their regards ❤️✨

Thank you for the ask @elvhenyoung ! (Darth Bagel is, as always, very welcome too hehe 💖) I also went Subterfugeverse only here for D’leah, so didn’t include any of the kids like Maite etc. who only appear in the Zephyrverse RP AU :’) But anyways, here you go! The two mean ladies, just for you :3

(art by @ ocellifera on deviantART! :))

B A S I C S

full name: Aria Saal-Shenly, goes by Ari to her partner and close friends, to everyone else she’s Darth Canis or Commander Canis.

gender: Cis Female

sexuality: Demiromantic pansexual

pronouns: She/Her

O T H E R S

family: Myala Thulie (mother, deceased), Roan Saal “Darth Noctis” (father, deceased), Vano Saal-Shenly (Wife), Merak Shenly (Brother-in-law), Ziv’erikreen (Adopted younger sister)

birthplace: Onderon

job: Co-Commander of the Eternal Alliance, formerly Barsen’thor of the Jedi Order (and secretly a Sith Assassin working as a sleeper agent ;))

phobias: Death/dying

guilty pleasures: Alcohol, Vano (yeah it’s not technically, but Aria considers her wife as such XD)

M O R A L S

morality alignment?: Chaotic Neutral (don’t spend too much time trying to figure her out, you’ll hurt yourself hahaha)

sins - lust/greed/gluttony/sloth/pride/envy/wrath

virtues - chastity/charity/diligence/humility/kindness/patience/justice

T H I S - O R - T H A T

introvert/extrovert: Leans slightly more towards introvert, but can be either/or depending on who she’s with.

organized/disorganized: Aria is best described as “organised chaos”.

close minded/open-minded: Mostly open-minded, but Aria can have her moments where she’s harder to shift than a bantha with a sore head.

calm/anxious: She has a set few situations which will make her feel quite anxious, but overall Aria is pretty “calm”, though I wouldn’t use the word specifically for her, and a more accurate description would be “she just doesn’t give a shit”. XD

disagreeable/agreeable: Unless your name is Vano or Saarai, good luck getting her to see things your way :’)

cautious/reckless: Can be either, but leans slightly more towards cautious, particularly in fights

patient/impatient: She hasn’t got a lot of patience, unless you’re paying her to wait (with a lot of zeroes on the end too!), she’s not going to. Simple as that.

outspoken/reserved: That running mouth of hers has gotten Aria both into and out of trouble more times than she can count.

leader/follower: Aria is a natural-born leader and doesn’t take very well to anyone telling her what to do. To this date the only people who’s orders she does/has followed are: Roan, Vano and Saarai.

empathetic/unemphatic: Okay so this one might be surprising, but Aria is actually pretty empathetic, she’s just really fucking awful at being sympathetic! She picks up on other’s emotional states pretty well and is very good at reading people, she’s just...not good at not hurting their feelings lol

optimistic/pessimistic: A weird mix of both, to the tune of “well, this can’t possibly get any worse now, at least, right?”

traditional/modern: Mostly modern, with a dash of old Sith traditions taught to her by daddy dearest.

hard-working/lazy: Not much to say about this one, it’s pretty self-explanatory!

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

otp: Aria/Vano, obviously! :P

ot3: if Vano wasn’t so possessive/jealous, I think Vano/Aria/Saarai would have been a hilariously chaotic trio (poor Vano though, dear god XD)

brotp: Aria & Qyzen, Aria & Merak & Ziri

notp: Aria/Tharan Cedrax (dude she’s not into you take the hint), Aria/Felix Iresso (sweetie you’re too good for her I’m sorry ;-;)

(art is by @varjopihlaja :D)

B A S I C S

full name: D’leahane Ahaszaai, though went most often by D’leah to those closest to her

gender: Cis Female

sexuality: Heterosexual

pronouns: She/Her

O T H E R S

family: Are you ready for this? It was a big family before Valkorion killed ‘em XD all are deceased now except for Abaron, Vowrawn, Paa, Saarai & Ni’kasi and their respective children. Vastas and Saa’thri (father and mother respectively), Duuma (”older” twin brother), Vowrawn (younger brother), Abaron Ahaszaai (brother-in-law, Vowrawn’s husband), two unnamed sister-in-laws (Duuma’s wives), unnamed nieces and nephews (Duuma + wives’ children), Kissai Ahaszaai (Husband), Paalea Izreni (Sister-in-law, Kissai’s half-sister), Saarai & Ni’kasi Ahaszaai (Twin daughters), Ty, Nawâ (grandsons), Kadebre, Hyala (granddaughters)

birthplace: Medriaas (now Nathema)

job: Sith Lord, High Lady of House Ahaszaai, former Heiress to the Sith Throne

phobias: Failure, her biggest fear was failing to protect her daughters from Valkorion, all of them dying and what little remained of the “original” Sith Empire being lost forever with them.

guilty pleasures: romantic poetry (Kissai wasn’t particularly smart but he was a romantic at heart and he used to write her a lot of poetry, other than the twins, after he died it was the only part of “him” she had left ;-;)

M O R A L S

morality alignment?: Lawful Evil

sins - lust/greed/gluttony/sloth/pride/envy/wrath

virtues - chastity/charity/diligence/humility/kindness/patience/justice

T H I S - O R - T H A T

introvert/extrovert: Very much an introvert, D’leah prefers to keep to herself so you better stay out of her personal space bubble.

organized/disorganized: Organized to the point of being eerily terrifying, to be honest. She’s got a plan, and a contingency plan, and you can bet everything is exactly where it should be when it should be there.

close minded/open-minded: Not very responsive to new ideas or ways of life, she clings to what she knows like her life depends on it.

calm/anxious: Generally speaking, quite calm. Although after Valkorion happened and her husband and most of her family were killed, she gradually became more anxious, eventually to the point of paranoia, only wanting to keep the girls safe.

disagreeable/agreeable: It’s her way or the highway, and you will not get her to concede otherwise for as long as either of you live. XD

cautious/reckless: D’leah never does anything without thinking it through first. If it’s too dangerous, she’s not doing it and there isn’t anything you can do or say to convince her. She’s nope’ing out of there faster than you can say “but”.

patient/impatient: Exceedingly so. D’leah has the patience of a saint, it doesn’t matter how long something takes. She can wait it out.

outspoken/reserved: D’leah is generally a silent observer, when she speaks it’s only after collecting every bit of information she possibly can to make the most concise point(s) possible.

leader/follower: She’s the boss. That’s it, no negotiations. She’s in charge, you do what she says or Force help you. XD

empathetic/unemphatic: Very unempathetic. She calls herself a “realist” but honestly she’s just kinda mean. Aww, you got shot? Stop crying about it and walk it off, you big baby!

optimistic/pessimistic: Again, she calls herself a “realist”, but always tends to assume (and plan for) the worst. It’s happened to her enough times now *gestures at hecked up face and dead family* XD)

traditional/modern: A staunch and stubborn traditionalist, you will pry these traditions from her cold, dead hands.

hard-working/lazy: She’s a lady, she’s not meant to do hard work, she has every capacity to order someone else to do it for her and she intends to do just that!

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

otp: D’leah/Kissai forever <3

ot3: Hahahaha no, no. She’s far too possessive to share :’)

brotp: D’leah & Paa, D’leah & Abaron

notp: D’leah/anyone else, tbh. It’s Kissai or nobody for her ;)

[bluewinnerangel]

DEMY ARE YOU STILL WITH US?!

CAN YOU CONFIRM HE IS IN FACT REAL?!

I am on the other side of the world and still can’t move on from this. How does anyone with daily contact with him survive?

ALSO HIS SHIRT. ALSO HIS LIL CURL His curl I couldn't stop watching.... I got the good stuff men i was bless-ed my show fucking ruled so fking hard

Also orange shirt plus Teenage Dirtbag in Amsterdam? This plus that equals:

Also

I just wanna put this pic somewhere too where he might or might not be looking at me and my funny lil shirt im not gonna tell u what it is because i might wanna wear it again and i don't need to be recognised but like who knows its half a pixel but I love these pics lol like the experience bro to experience HIM. LIKE. HE'S REAL. HE'S THERE AND HE WAS SO GOOD. SO AMAZING.

Okay I'll try to stop all-capsing now and tell you all about it. Gonna put a cut in because BLAAAAA about the entire thing including a lot of personal experience queueing and seeing the fans and stuff so if you're here to read a beautiful written concert review about all the songs you're shit outta luck that mans everything i have no words for how mindblowing it was but ill throw some pics at the end to make up for all the rambling ok:

Before the concert - So first of all I have to acknowledge how much of a privilege it is to even be able to watch him like that, not just that he's got a show somewhere close enough to you it doesn't cost you a fortune to even be there (and then still.. to even be able to afford a ticket), and managing to get a ticket in the first place, but I joined the queue in the afternoon the day before in order to be sure of a good spot without being an asshole about it sdfasd (with that I mean, others ensured their spots with other tactics causing quite the.. vibe.. at the front there. It's not even the "cutting line" I'm bothered by it's the part where they'd just brag over and over how they did that. Like you're trying to make people around you feel like shit or start an argument like do you wanna get punched by a horde of exhausted people or what like let's just all enjoy the show instead maybe). Anyway about the privilege thing. You have to be able to afford the time and money to accommodate yourself and also.. who the fuck does that for anyone? that's insane it's absolute fucking insanity what the fuck are all of us what the fuck does this man do to us that we do that for him like it's. ridiculous. I can't believe how willing I was to do that ksadjlakj. I didn't think I was. I don't think it makes sense to do this. I'm gonna be honest here I don't enjoy this aspect of the fandom, this need to be in the first box of people to enter, to run to barricade (tbh that part was kinda fun), to exhaust yourself for 24+ hours, remove comfort, perhaps endanger yourself if you aren't able to do it properly for health reasons or just naivety or whatever, to all keep inching the time you need to be there to get a regular spot further up and up and up as tour goes on until people are claiming the venue doors a full 2 days in advance. And even on the day like if you wanna be in the first 2000 to get in you need to be there for like 8 hours (im just saying numbers here like these are prob total bs but you get the point) like either you camp to be in the first lil clump of people that are let in, or you just arrive just before it starts. Those are your options really. To be honest I wasn't planning on sitting there for 24hrs but I did, like on the spot I decided to stay, because I was there the day before just to bring my friends ( @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk and partner <3 EDIT: @caralara !!! I didn't know if you wanted to be tumblr official so I didn't tag but EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HI) some stuff for camping and then the plan was for me to go to sleep and join them early morning. But once the system was explained it was clear that would mean a lot of queueing by myself and I just wanted to be with them so I stayed and we managed and were somehow still prepared even though it was an improvised thing. It was actually really fun, I didn't mind any of it really. But that was 100% the company. And in that regard I do get this whole... situation we got going on before every show where fans are just all have a big camp out. It's addictive even, it's part of the whole experience, I do really get it, but for that aspect of it, not for the need to be at the front over and over again. That's just... an amazing perk then. Like really I'd queue again if there are people in it that I wanna hang out with and I wouldn't see them otherwise, but in no way am I sitting outside for that long solely to get a good spot at a concert. Even if that's louis. And the best fucking thing I've ever seen. Anyway on friday we just snoozed with a view of the tour bus which was like.. a night under the stars get it asddsf. The next day we sat in the front lil box for the special first 150 and it was funny to recognize a lot of common fandom faces and then figuring out from what exactly.

I also talked to one of the people working at the venue, and they said they've only seen something similar 4 or 5 events in the 20 years they've been doing this work, but they were all huge and in Ziggo Dome, another venue at that square. They also let us store our stuff in lockers beforehand at that venue instead (but i think a lot of people already had means to store their stuff)... I guess they got the memo we would NOT take ANY time putting those safe whatsoever once the doors opened. literally people were willing to risk their lives and possessions for a good spot. Really just all logic is out the window for louis tomlinson istg and I knew this of course but seeing it all around me was new. Oh but talking to other fans? TALKING TO ELLA? my PEOPLE my PEEOPLLLEEEEE I'm SO happy I got to meet you two you are such amazing amazing kind souls we're absolutely gonna meet again weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

So it got pretty shit about 2 hrs before we could get in, because the sun was JUST behind the building and all of us had already stored all our stuff and the temp was being weird, like it almost heated up and then it didn't so we weren't doin too well luv and that was the first moment I really felt like this wasn't it this wasn't the way akasljsal.

Inside - Once the doors opened of course it was total chaos and we ran and managed to get on what I think was 4th row? but by the end it was like 6 or 7. We were slightly to the left, this is the exact spot with the help of louis pointing at me of course its potato footage:

There was a water sent into the crowd, us and the people in front and behind us had a job like we were constantly busy handing over plastic cups, both full ones into the crowd and empty ones back, it got a bit less motivated to keep that up after a while but let me tell you i NEEDED that water and so i also wanted everyone behind me to get it if they'd feel like me or worse. I was well hydrated, i needed to pee but you don't notice it at all with all the adrenaline, but with all the screaming and jumping and post covid lungs/throat you need it.

The intro is LOUD. LIKE. LOUD. Like I felt that everywhere and it adds to the buildup and anticipation perfectly and then the curtain falls and he walks in and I apparently look like a child with wonder in its eyes when he came on, because these bitches were filming me (<3) and I got to see my reaction and its .. askdljalks cute I guess. yeah and then he was just there. he was there. in HD boy real life in very high quality did you know that? and hes fucking perfect like seriously what the hell and he just-. I don't have words I don't get it. I was going in between losing my shit dancing and singing and everything, just standing there staring at him, and trying to take some pictures. Unfortunately the taking pictures caused me to miss his stupidass smileyface green wink flickering thing (did you pick that up online? Yeah it did.). I was taking pictures at that exact moment but it didn't catch it rip.

Another unfortunate bit was that my hearing got fucked from the beginning with all the screaming so I didn't get to fully experience his sound but it was already SO overwhelming in every other aspect I didn't even really mind plus the premise of seeing him again ASAP and experience it then, with the assumption I'll get a ticket (got my eyes on Antwerp so if anyone has one please) that is.

Then there were the stops... again... I don't know if it was just one person or multiple that needed assistance but the show got stopped 2 times and you can tell he's so fking sick of it. I was fking sick of it. Anyway shits not nice of me to say, perhaps these people were in big need of assistance for reasons out of anyone's control and it did end badly but you just get so desensitized to it when it happens constantly I'm just afraid people are either clueless to the point where they just didn't know they couldn't handle it, that with not knowing how to take care of themselves included, or knowing they can't but are willing to risk everything to see him... or they're exaggerating, perhaps not even consciously, to get an unfortunate notice. Like OmG LoUiS CaReS aBoUt Me yeah but do u care about louis anyway I'm just afraid of people, louis included, not responding anymore when there's a very critical emergency at some point and everyone yells to stop the show and louis is just like bitch here we go again whenever i stop the show everyones just good what are we doing lemme just continue? you know? I thought he said something like "really?" something too but it's all a blur.

have a pic have a pic

But man the ENERGY? THE CONFIDENCE? THE even though i know every single fucking bit of this show because ive watched lives 30+x times this was still just all so .. another level. Ella warned me beforehand that it's nothing like it. The lives are missing the sound the vibe the entire stage his whole body how he moves how he talks where he is within the space how awesome his band is the crowd EVERYTHING and man I was not prepared. I have a lil confession i always thought he was a lil awkward. Cute awkward but still... I thought he was awkward and turns out you can make the most confident man look awkward when you zoom in on their face performing without showing the rest of the performance, environment, nothing, and perhaps further made awkward by you as the viewer sitting in your pjs snacking in front of a screen watching it, who knew, apparently. BOY OH BOY he is NOT awkward. He owns that fking stage. What the fuck. Not even a lil bit. I was so so so wrong. I'm. intimidated lol (somehow wasnt at all when he pointed ... i was like YUUUUUHHH BROOOO BRING IT [my partner is telling me to make an edit of mad max where hes like HE LOOKED AT ME HE LOOKED ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYE!!!! i just might]) but yeah so yeah jesus christ omg.

picspics this is a ramble

As for things during the concert I noticed that were cute outside of the regular program... there was a sign in the crowd that said stage dive or something so he saw it, laughed at it, and then pretended to stage dive. it was cute af. he did rock paper scissors, he pointed and agreed with a sign that asked if they could smoke a joint together after the show, he cracked the absolute fuck up about a sign that said "stroganoff to get it wrong? In front of all these people" which was all the way to the right of the stage. Like he deadass just stayed in it it was so fking hilarious watching him just crackling.

He was vibing with someone off stage and making funny movements idk what it was but i was just staring like oh. He really loved some signs all the way to the left as well but I didn't know what they were.

He REALLY hated someone else that seemed to be at barrier on the left of the stage too, it was like... like a fucking dagger stabbed me lol he just gave them the 2 fingers british fuck you sign, then walked away not looking at them and flipping them off behind his back but it was with SUCH force. He was MAD. No idea what he saw but he was not happy. He then looked at one of the bandmembers like yeah they deserve it kinda thing.

He said "I see ya at the back" at some point and we looked back and didn't really see anything. There was a group cheering and jumping, so my best guess is he saw them vibing. There were pride flags on the balcony tho so it could have been that as well.

When he jumped off the stage during kmm we lost him for a long time and then he popped up reaaaaallyl short he just went BLOOP and gone, not sure about that, maybe someone pulled him? idk.

Also he refused to acknowledge a sign that said something not very interesting because we were right behind it and every time he came close like CLOSE CLOSE like i can SEE YOU SO WELL RN close the fucking sign would pop up with the speed of 28 lightyears so stronk so high so present I couldn't see him basically at fucking all i mean... it needs an arrow to show you where louis is because you can't fucking seeeeeeeeee, this is no zoom what it looked like:

I mean.. after the 5th time he has stood right in front of you reading it you don't need to keep holding it up after that? He's read it. What do you want him to do? I'm sorry he's just not gonna interact with it the 28th time if he hasn't 27 times before. It's done lemme see him please :') But this is going somewhere I promise because after a while at more than one occasion he tried to look around it at fucking us god damn it and it was in the way and so I missed 2 or 3 interactions that were directed at either one of us or one of the people next to us because only one of us at the time could see him whenever he got near so I just got half of a sentence or movement or whatever that I couldn't make out now and then, no idea, maybe watch an uploaded live, I know this one was very close to us, maybe I will, but there's one happening very soon so. Anyway he could've been interested in giving us that lil pointypoint for many reasons of which half aren't mine to tell so I won't, but for me it was just 1) going fucking mental, and it wasn't to like get him to see me do that, but lemme tell you when he confirmed that he did and enjoyed it I just got such a fucking sense of like this is the tiny thing I just gave back to him that he's given me. That seems weird probably but I'm very very held back, not just with a celebrity everyone wants to get near it seems, but with anyone I'm just always thinking I'm violating peoples space and I annoy you when I alert you of my existence basically that's just a me thing and makes me not want to like, meet him, send him anything, just... nada. Like I just don't wanna bother anyone. But like this? It's perfect. He had all the freedom to not acknowledge me but he did on his own free will because he enjoyed it and fed off the energy there seeing how ALDKJSDKLJLK we were going from his music and performance? what the fuck else would i want like shit that's just. thats perfect. But then there's 2) which is my shirt, which again I'm not gonna say just yet but you're welcome to ask me in a dm if we talk of course, but it's just combining 2 things he's big on so it would make sense it'd catch his attention.

But that's not what I came there for. I don't wanna be like y/n moment xoxo let's get more (but also, I do now, because he RUINED IT. HE RUINED IT. nothing is gonna compare to him fucking being like YO THIS BITCH IS GOING FOR IT *P O I N T S* like fuck) I just wanted to see him at least once because I could, and I was honestly planning on getting there just before it started and standing at the back by myself, chilling. But that's not what I got, I got to meet amazing people and had the fucking time of my fucking life holy shit. Like everything went better than I could've ever imagined and he was better than i had imagined and i already thought he was everything.

LOOK AT THAT FUCKER WITH THE POINT THAT WILL SHIT ON MY FUTURE CONCERTS:

[sunshinee0-0]

Rearranged Love

Paring: Mafia Bang Chan x GN Reader

Warnings ⚠: Cursing, mention of killing? Arranged marriage.

Requested?: Yep!

Word count: 1,373

Author note: This is the longest fic i've made so far and i'm very proud! Thank you for requesting this @mypeanutyouth :), I hope this is arranged marriage-e enough, this is my first time writing a Mafia/arrange marriage fic, so i'm a bit new, anyways. Enjoy!

Turning the pages of the old book in your grasp, you start to zone out on the words as you tap your fingers onto the old wooden desk. You think about how it would feel to have a lover, one that would care if you ate breakfast or not.

One that would remind you to drink water, one that would send you good morning and good night text everyday. Instead your stuck with a maniac killer, one that doesn't even knowledge your instance.

Signing you set the book down. You remember the day you had gotten married, the soft look he gave you spread warmth through out your hole body and you almost forgot how bad he really is. Taking a quick glance at his parents made you remember pretty easy. You still shiver at the look they gave you on your wedding day.

The sound of the front door getting slammed pops you out of your thoughts. Knowing it none of your business you still decide to quietly creak open your door and peck out. You watch as Chris throws his expensive blazer onto the couch. Phone inbetween his shoulder and face as he rolls up the sleeves on his suit.

"What do you mean you lost all the money?" He states scarily calm. There's a beat silence and you assume that the other person on the phone responded. "You had one fucking job to do, ONE! And you cant fucking do it?" There's another beat of silence before he speaks again, his phone inbetween his hand and cheek now. "I don't want to hear it. You better get that money back before your fired" And with that he angrily hangs up, throwing his phone on top of his blazer.

He huffs as he runs his hands threw his hair a few times before making his way up stairs probably heading to his office. Slipping out of the old writing room, you make you way towards the living room, sitting on the couch you peer over at the phone only to face a black screen. You shiver at how angry he was and your sure he isn't only going to fire the person over the phone.

You hear the sink turn off (which you didn't even hear turn on in the first place.) Thinking that its your queue to leave, you get up and quietly make your way towards the writing room. The sound of Chris's voice makes you freeze in place. "Y/n? Why aren't you asleep, its like-" he goes to look at his watch, "2:00 AM."

"Oh uh.." You scan the room before your eyes land on the kitchen, "i just went to get a late night snack! I always wake up hungry! Very hungry!", "oh okay."

He looks you up and down almost debating if you where telling the truth or not before adding, "There's a bunch of snacks in the cabinet right of the sink." He doesn't say anything after that and you watch as he moves to grab both his blazer and phone before making his up stairs.

Once you hear the door shut close you quickly make your way toward one of the guest bedroom not before grabbing a snack or two in the same cabinet he talked about.

laying on the bed in the guest bedroom just starring at the celling, you cant help but think that maybe he does care. Maybe he is worried about your well-being just a tiny bit, and that little bit of hope that maybe just maybe he does like you, makes your heart skip a beat.

The whole night you toss and turn unable to fall asleep, the bed is uncomfortable and the blanket feels itchy on your skin and you think that maybe sleeping in your shared bedroom would be a lot better then the bed your currently on.

You go over the pros and cons in your head and maybe he isn't even there, maybe he's still in his office. A sense of sadness washes over you and you don't know why, ignoring it you throw the covers off and make your way towards the door.

You sigh a few times before opening the door and quietly making your way upstairs. You face the door of the room you swear you would never come near. Your fist hovers over the door and you hesitate for a second, what if he was here and didn't want you to be. Your fist hovers in the air and you don't even register the sound of feet paddling against the floor boards untill it was to late.

The door swings open and Cha- Chris freeze in his spot as he sees you. "Y/n?" He notices the pillow dangling in your hand and the slight eye bags under your eyes and he ushers you inside.

"Are you alright?" He sits you on the corner of the bed, taking the pillow out of your hand and throwing it with the rest. He stands across from you crossing his arm worried expression dripping from his face. His heart squeezes in pain at how tried you look.

"I tried sleeping but the bed in that bedroom is very uncomfortable." You whine slightly and he smiles at how cute you look. "So I came here because your bed looks very comfortable." You pat the bed a few time before confirming your suspicion, "Yep! Its very comfy.", "You can stay here if you like.", "Really?" You question. He nodes his head confirming it.

Walking over to his phone and unplugs it before he makes his way towards the exit, you stop him mid way. "Please stay Chris-", "Call me Chan." He cuts you off. "I don't care Chan just please don't leave." You beg giving him your best pair of puppy eyes.

He sighs "Fine, but i'm sleeping on the floor.", you gasp, tightening your hold on Chan's arm (well your tiny hands don't fit around his hole arm but lets just give you credit)

"No Chan! The floor is uncomfortable as well and I shouldn't be kicking you out of your own bed.", "Your not kicking me o-", "I don't care just sleep on the damn bed." Chan's heart skips a beat at the thought of being  so close to you.

"Fine but if you feel uncomfortable with me being there just tell me." He worries before softly detaching your hand from his arm, he gives it a soft squeeze before dropping it. You nod your head before getting comfortable in the most softest bed you have ever felt.

Chan gets into his side of the bed and you  think that you guys kinda look like a real couple. He turns off the side lamp before the room encloses in darkness. You feel Chan shift a few times before he faces you and although you cant see him you feel as if you can.

You feel his eyes on you as he speaks "I am so sorry Y/n that you had to be forced into this, you don't deserve this." He signs before turning over. "Good night Y/n." That's all his says, sighing to yourself you turn on your other side as well.

Shutting your eyes you try to fall asleep and forget about everything that has happened.

Waking up to the faint smell of pancakes and bacon makes your stomach growl. Throwing the cover off of your body, you make your way downstairs.

There's a plate full of food rapped in plastic rap with a little note beside it sitting on the counter. Making your way towards it, you softly grab the note and read it out loud. "Lets start over and get to know each other. XXX-XXX-XXXX -Chan." There's a little heart next to his name that makes your heart beat two times faster.

Unwrapping the plate and grabbing a fort you shot Chan a text, 'If your free, you could make up lost time but buying me a coffee :>' Before digging into this heaven called breakfast. There's a ding coming from your phone, turning your attention toward it, you see Chan's reply.

'I'm free now, i'll come pick you up ;))'

[barnesbabee]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴇɪɢʜᴛ- ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀʟᴀɴᴅ

WONDERLAND MASTERLIST

⇜ ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ - ᴇɪɢʜᴛ-  ɴᴇxᴛ ⟿

CHARACTER LIST:

White Rabbit - Choi Jongho Absolem (Blue Catterpilar) - Kang Yeosang Cheshire Cat - Kim Hongjoong Mad Hatter - Choi San Haigha (March Hare) - Jung Wooyoung Tweedle Dee - Song Mingi Tweedle Dum - Jeong Yunho Bloody Red King - Park Seonghwa

ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ: @myunvillage @mirror-juliet @jess-1404 @earth-to-leiki [Send me a DM, an ask or comment to be added to the tag list]

“The stars sure look beautiful today.”

From that night on you and Seonghwa continuously exchanged shy glances, and even the simplest touch would make you blush, as you both reminisced what had happened that night. You anxiously waited for the day you would finally belong to each other, and as the night approached, the both of you started feeling butterflies all over your body.

You had decided the wedding would be small. Not because you weren't extravagant, but because none of you had friends, so it wouldn't make sense to throw a big party. Although the King, without your knowledge, had ordered the most beautiful wedding dress, and he couldn't wait for you to see it.

One day, you decided to take a peek at the ballroom, where the wedding would be taking place. You could see he tried to minimize the red and black, but it was stronger than him. It did look beautiful though... The gold chandelier lit up the sparkly room, decorated with rose petals cut in the shape of a heart, and several portraits of you and the King beside each other. You wondered when those had been painted, but you were honoured. Your heart was clenching in adoration as you noticed the contrast between the portraits all around the castle compared to those. Every painting of the King you had seen so far was of him with a stone-cold expression, but in all of these you were both smiling, laughing, or looking at each other lovingly. The King make sure to capture his favourite moments in all of these paintings, from the day you met, to the picnic in the garden.

"Thank you, Miss."

You were startled to hear a voice behind you while you peeked through the barely opened door. You jumped slightly and turned around, but calmed down once you saw it was one of the maids. She was looking at you with her big, sparkly frog eyes. At some point, it freaked you out, but after seeing them every day you got used to the frog people.

"You're welcome ma'am, but what might you be thanking me for?" You asked, quite confused.

"You've made our lives infinitely better with your presence. Our King has really changed... He said 'thank you' the other day. I have worked for him for a decade and not once had I heard those words from him. He treats us like people, not like servants. You are a blessing, Miss."

You smiled at the maid, a sad yet sympathetic smile.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but I beg of you, give him another chance. Seonghwa is but a neglected, traumatized child in an adult man's body, and I'm trying to help him become a better person."

"I cannot promise anything Miss, but if he truly shows the people mercy and compensates them for all we've been through, the people might give him another chance."

You gave her a slight nod, and thanked the maid for her honesty.

"Hey!" A voice called from up the stairs.

The maid excused herself, and you looked at the staircase, to find a distressed Seonghwa running down towards you.

"Did you see the room?" He asked arms crossed over his chest.

You stayed quiet for a second and looked away from the man who stood apprehensively in front of you.

"No?" You lied.

"Aw come on! I wanted it to be a surprise! I knew I should've covered that paintings."

The image of a sulking Seonghwa was the most adorable thing you had ever seen. You wrapped your arms around his waist and laid your head on his chest.

"I'm sorry, but I was too curious..." You paused and looked up at the man "If it serves any consolation, I was very surprised, and I loved it."

"Really?" He happily asked, flashing you his pearly whites.

You hummed in agreement, earning a small kiss from the man.

"Well, the surprises aren't over. There's a couple more, starting with tonight's dinner."

Before you could ask what he meant, Seonghwa grabbed your hand and dragged you towards a small room in the attic. It took a while to go up all of the marble stairs, and you were out of breath once you reached the room, but it was worth it.

The King gripped the golden handle of the red, wooden door, while looking at you with a big grin. Once he pushed it open, the most beautiful sight was prepared for you. The roof of the small room had a beautiful glass skylight, and the stars looked down at you as you stepped inside. There were white rose petals scattered all over the dark wooden floor, and a small table with two chairs sat in the middle. On the wall right in front of you was a lit fireplace, and the table was set for two, with the most beautiful cutlery you had ever seen. You noticed a letter sitting on one of the dishes, that you assumed was directed at you.

"I, uh... I learned to like white roses." Seonghwa said, embarrassed.

You remember the first time you met when he freaked out over the white roses in the garden. He moved to stand behind one of the chairs, and pulled it back.

"Come, sit down."

You obliged and sat down on the chair he held out of you The male sat in front of you and motioned towards the letter.

"Tomorrow we get married, and there are many things I want to tell you, but I can't. So I wrote it down."

You grabbed the letter and opened it. The King's calligraphy was beautiful and easy to read, but it didn't surprise you: everything about him was very neat.

'Dearest Y/N,

I'm sorry you have to read this, instead of hearing me say it, but I know that if I were to tell you how I feel, half of my sentiments would be left unsaid. I have lived a short life that felt very, very long. These years have dragged on relentlessly, but ever since you arrived, time flies. I hate going to sleep and I can't wait to wake up, to be with you, to look at you, to kiss you... I have had many experiences that I thought were love, but the second I laid eyes on you, I knew all of those previous times were wrong, I finally knew what love was. And recently I've come to find that love isn't only one thing, because somehow my love for you grows in many ways every day I spend with you. You may call me crazy, but there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, and I will keep my promise of changing to be a better King. Even if you stop loving me, even if you leave me, I will hold up my promise as proof of my everlasting love for you. But I must confess, I've imagined us growing old together, and one day, when I pass the crown onto my future child, I hope it is your child as well.

Forever yours,

Seonghwa.'

Tears streamed down your cheeks like two rivers and your bottom lip trembled as you read the letter.

"Ah, those are happy tears! Correct?"

You set down the letter and wiped away said tears with your wrists.

"Yes, yes they are. This was beautiful, Seonghwa, thank you."

"I'm afraid that's as far as the surprises go today, because when it comes to dinner," Seonghwa paused, revealing two sandwiches that would be your meal "I'm afraid it's mediocre. I tried my best but everything I made came out raw or burned, I'm afraid this is as far as my cooking abilities go."

You were surprised and very touched that he had done it all by himself, even if it were just some lousy sandwiches.

"You made dinner by yourself? Well, my good Sir, they must be delicious." You joked as you took one of them.

They weren't good, but they weren't bad either, and you appreciated the effort that had gotten into them. You imagined what kind of King Seonghwa would have been if the previous King had chosen to raise Seonghwa instead of his sister... Surely a kind, caring King that everyone looked up to, one every eligible young woman (and man) would bad their eyelashes at. It was truly a shame... But it wasn't too late for a change, you were hopeful.

You spent that night together, cuddling and telling stories while looking at the starry sky, and you eventually fell asleep on the many pillows Seonghwa had sprawled on the floor.

The next day, you woke up with a smile, remembering that your wedding was in a few hours.

You laid on top of Seonghwa and kissed him.

"Wake up sleepy head."

Seonghwa smiled, wrapped his arms around you and flipped the two of you, so you'd be under him.

"Good morning princess."

You help his face in your hands and smiled.

"After today I'll be a Queen."

"My Queen."

Your sappy moment was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Sir, Miss, I'm afraid we must commence dressing you for the wedding."

The King peeled himself off of you with a groan (but not before kissing you). He helped you get up, and the two of you followed the maid that took you both to your assigned fitting rooms. Seonghwa had picked his own suit, but you had no idea what he had in store for you. The second you opened the door, you were met with the most beautiful dress you had ever even imagined. It was white, with a tight corset that expanded into a glamorous princess-like puffy tulle. The tulle had many layers, and its bottom was decorated with pearls. The corset, while sleeveless and heart-shaped, had lace appliques that covered your chest and arms, and the torso was decorated with many sparky stones. The veil was equally decorated with pearls and had a tiara attached to it.

Attached to the dress there was a letter.

'They say white symbolizes faith. I have faith in you and in our marriage. Much love, Seonghwa.'

The maids helped you dress, very carefully and with care. They truly seemed to like you. One of them even fixed your hair in a pretty bun and attached the veil to it.

They had spent around an hour fixing everything, and when you were almost done, the door opened.

"The King is waiting for Miss Y/N."

And that was your queue to leave the room. You carefully walked down the stairs and made your way to the big ballroom, once the doors opened, with the announcement of your name, your eyes fell on Seonghwa, who was staring at you happily, in his new look. His hair was slicked back, no longer covering his eye, displaying it proudly, no longer ashamed of his past. His suit matched your dress: it was white and fit him neatly, and it only served as proof that Seonghwa looked good in any colour.

You noticed the crowd in the room, but you weren't too surprised. Although you had decided to hold a small wedding and not invite anyone, you two knew the people would want to see who was brave enough to marry their King, so the man opened the castle doors for anyone who wanted to witness the wedding.

To say the people were surprised to see the King smile was an understatement, but the fact was that he was smiling, and the smile grew wider for every step you took towards him.

The ceremony went beautifully. There were tears in your eyes and in Seonghwa's eyes, and as you celebrated and sealed the marriage, everyone clapped (to you and Seonghwa's surprise).

Everything went perfectly, until the toast. Seonghwa suggested a toast in your behalf after the maids handed every citizen a glass, and when you took a sip, your body felt weird, and you started shrinking, and shrinking, and shrinking until you looked like Thumbelina.

"Y-Y/N!?" Seonghwa asked frantically, as he looked at tiny you standing on the table.

"Tweedles, now!" Someone roared from the crowd.

The Tweedles grabbed you and tossed you over to the Hatter, who had been concealed in the crowd this whole time. After hearing about the wedding, the Hatter decided he would use the certain crowd and commotion to blend in and enter the castle. Without anyone noticing, Cheshire sprinkled some of Absolem's shrinking cake into your drink.

The Hatter grabbed you gently and Bayard came running in. He placed you on the dog and reached for his pocket to retrieve some cake as well.

The King, noticing what was happening before his very eyes, panicked. Tears streamed down his eyes and his bottom lip quivered.

"No! Please don't steal her away! Please!" He begged, running towards the group with one hand stretched out, hoping he could get to the dog before they left but to no avail.

The Hatter just laughed and shrunk himself, giving Bayard the signal to leave. The card knights tried to follow the dog but he was too fast, and there was no time to get the horses before losing sight of the dog. You were gone.

The King fell to his knees, and cried, as he stopped seeing you from the distance.

"Please, don't take her away from me..."

[sebbytrash]

I posted 568 times in 2021

96 posts created (17%)

472 posts reblogged (83%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 4.9 posts.

I added 173 tags in 2021

#reblogathon - 82 posts

#kale answers - 25 posts

#the life of kale - 12 posts

#i would come for queue - 12 posts

#fic recs - 11 posts

#things im in - 7 posts

#<3 - 7 posts

#scotland - 6 posts

#feedback reblog - 6 posts

#euro 2020 - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 118 characters

#if you can forgive zemo for all his stuff but not sam for giving up the sheild then you are probably not a good person

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

hey who told me to watch Fleabag cmere I just wanna talk

26 notes • Posted 2021-09-03 22:42:27 GMT

#4

I'm not a Bottas fan but imagine being taken out of the race by a fucking wheel nut

28 notes • Posted 2021-05-23 19:14:15 GMT

#3

A snipped for Ayesha 💙 @barnesandco

SamBucky - The Things We Say in The Night

Bucky never intended on staying with the Wilsons, with Sam, but in the days and weeks after Sam took up the mantle, he kept being handed excuses to stay. 

“I could use your help with training.” 

“Could you take a look at the boiler?” 

“I have a game tomorrow, will you come see me play, Mr Barnes?” 

So days turned into weeks, and weeks. Nights on the couch turned into an apartment near the harbour that he rarely went to anyway because when he did, he could never muster the strength to climb into his too new bed. Instead, he spent his nights on couches or on the floor of the boat. 

He made himself useful to them, and in time, useful to the community. It wasn’t the easy nameless acceptance of New York, no, it was recognition in their eyes and somehow openness in their hearts. A place to call home even if you weren't ready to be claimed by such a thing, the tight fist on his gut that made everything temporary loosened with each passing day. 

And yet, he was still stuck in the loop. Of living without living, or living for other people. 

Truthfully, he doesn’t know what to do now that he isn’t working his way through a list of names or in a world ending fight. 

It’s a late night on the boat, Sam decided to try out the new fishing nets he got and dragged Bucky out with him way too early that morning, so now they are both dog-tired and hungry, sharing a pot of pasta Sarah made them take with them that tastes like it was made with gold. 

“So, what's next?” Sam asks between mouthfuls, looking at Bucky that way he does sometimes, like theres answers on his face rather than from his mouth. 

“Well, normally people go to sleep at the end of the day.” Bucky replies, knowing full well that's not what he meant. 

“For you, what's next for you?” Sam clarifies, and then suggests, “A beach in Bora Bora? A NASCAR driver? Trying all the different kinds of cheese?” 

Bucky rolls his eyes and tries not to show the panic that grips his lungs, chews on his lip as he tries to think of what he might say. Or not say. 

“Figured I’d help out Captain America when he inevitably fucks up.” Bucky tries to throw a little smirk but his lips don’t quite cooperate so he ends up doing a grimace instead. Instead of the smart remark he expected, Sam is quiet. Too quiet. 

“You know you are allowed to enjoy life, right?” 

“Am I?” It leaps from Bucky's mouth before he can stop it, the blade's edge of his thoughts brought free by Sam's gaze. 

“That's the thing with being the one who survived. You have to find a way to live.” Sam's look lays him bare, “Otherwise, you might as well both be gone.” 

Bucky doesn’t know what to say to that. 

34 notes • Posted 2021-10-10 21:37:09 GMT

#2

Bucky is hilariously dramatic and I am here for it. He really did stockpile sass for 70+ years. Hobbit reading lil toddler in disguise

37 notes • Posted 2021-03-29 19:12:59 GMT

#1

Hello friends. I've been gone a lot recently and it's been even longer since I wrote anything, never mind posted so I'm truly sorry to all who followed for the fanfic. I'm even sorrier to those who have no idea how they ended up here, tumblr.... eh?

Anyways, super quickly, myself and my tiny human have had like back to back illnesses for 2 months, my gran passed away and I started a new job which is great but also requires a lot more of me. So all in, its been a lot. I'd like to come back soon tho, I miss writing a lot and reading even more.

Anyways, I'm at a cabin for a few days to rest and refill my cup. Signing off with the view...

45 notes • Posted 2021-10-06 23:15:59 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[igotyouniverse]

Breathe Me - Chapter 1 [nct vamp au]

Description: After dropping out of college and coming home for the first time in two years, 22-year-old Ava Lee gets caught up in a mystery surrounding the people she thought she knew for so long. Between friendship, affairs and true love the young women finds herself being pulled into a  nightmare she would never wake up from.

Pairing: Oc x Taeyong , Oc x Johnny [several side-pairing involving Mark, Ten, Lucas and Jaehyun.]

Included Members: Taeyong, Johnny, Mark, Lucas, Ten, Jaehyun, Doyoung, Haechan (maybe more)

Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst, Action, Fantasy

Warnings: none (this chapter)

suggestive content, strong language, violence, blood, death. probably more, not sure yet (later chapters)

a/n: Here it comes! After years of procrestination I finally managed to write the very first (very boring) chapter of my vampire au with nct! Anyway, the main drama will start in the next chapter so stay patient and bear this one with me. It took me long enough, haha. All the warnings will be for later chapters so don't start reading if u dont feel like reading stuff like that qq If someone wants to get tagged please send me a message, ask, comment or whatever qq

I really hope you guys enjoy it, it was a very heavy birth. ♥

ch.2 || ch. 3

                                                   †

The girl sighed deeply and took a look outside the small airplane window. She saw how the plane slowly drove into the prepared parking lot and felt how her level of anxiety rose with each second. Even though the flight was 18 hours long and her legs started to hurt she didn't want to stand up. Standing up meant for her to actually leave the plane, get her luggage and meet her family which would sooner or later lead to them asking all these questions. It wasn't like she didn't miss them.

She missed them very dearly. She missed the Sunday morning brunches with her neighbours, the movie nights where her dad would always pick out a movie because he'd pout if not, she even missed  her little brother Mark bursting into her room without knocking and asking her some totally stupid questions. She missed catching up with her best friend. She missed all these sleepovers when all they had to worry about was who the cutest boy at school was and what they'll do together once they were adults. She craved for all these past memories. The last time she set foot onto this ground was two years ago at her very first spring break after leaving home, moving to a town thousand of miles away, not knowing anyone.

She heard a beeping noise which indicated that the passengers could stand up and get out but she waited. All of them seemed in such a hurry to leave the plane, grabbing their belongings, everyone trying to get out first which ended in a crowded queue inside of the plane. She stretched her legs as much as possible, not making the slightest move to stand up.

Her eyes wandered back to the window, allowing her to take a glance at the sky, she wished to be into again. It was still quite bright outside, even though it was nearly evening, the sun nearly blinding her when she looked up, leading her to cover her eyes with her hand. The sunsets were so different in the States than here, in South Korea. Her eyes tried to focus on the slowly fading sun, leaving the sky in beautiful pinks and oranges with just a hint of soft white clouds.

Her mind started to spin, thinking about all the things she had to explain to her family sooner or later. But for now she needed to stay positive and hide the fact that she – the oh-so-perfect – student managed to drop out of a university, her parents nearly went insolvent to pay for to allow their daughter to get the best medical education they could think of. At the beginning the girl actually thought that it was her biggest dream to become a famous surgeon but after a short while she had to face the ugly truth that the job she so desperately wanted to do as long as she could remember just wasn't her thing.

She tried so badly to keep on and thought that it's just a phase every young adult went through when they started university but every time she talked to her friends at university she saw that that wasn't exactly the case. Everyone was so focused and motivated to become a successful doctor or surgeon they underwent the torture of endless sleepless nights, insane pressure and the feeling of not being able to even cut an onion correctly, which the professor didn't even care to make better. Every day she got told that she would never be able to work in the medical field and could try herself with some more basic and easy studies. It didn't matter how hard she tried to remember all the lectures and do her assignments – she failed miserably at everything.

Of course, her family didn't know. She was way too afraid to burst the bubble her parents created around her, leaving her in that perfect, white spotlight, portraying her like some sort of angel on a pedestal for everyone to see. They loved to talk about her in front of everyone, telling them that she'd be a successful surgeon, working hard and publishing groundbreaking articles, making herself a name in the medical community. Maybe even getting some famous award. Everyone in that small town knew about the smart daughter who got into one of the best medical universities in the United States, who worked so hard she was barely home.

She couldn't bear to see the disappointment on their faces once they see what she really was – a failure. She managed to hide her dropping out of university so well, she created her web of lies carefully over the last year, she sometimes even believed what she was saying. But as soon as her alarm clock went off, remembering her to go to work at a small corner café to pay her rent and even save some money in case her parents might throw her out, she had to face real life again. The life in which she dropped out only one year after starting, loosing hundreds of thousands of dollars and leaving the incident in her resume forever.

She was glad she got a job in the café as it belonged to the parents of one friend she met at college, who managed to get in because of a scholarship. They allowed her to work as much as she could to save money and even helped her sometimes.

“Excuse me, Miss?”, a soft and gentle voice made the girl leave her deep thoughts and look up. A beautiful, young flight attendant smiled down at her. “You need to leave the plane, please.”, she said in sweet yet demanding voice  and got her luggage out of the cabinet above for her. The girl didn't realise that the plane was already as good as empty. She thanked the attendant, grabbed her bag and went out of the plane into the airport, feeling her legs shaking more with each step she took.

She pulled out her smartphone, turning off flight mode only to get bombarded with dozens of messages, mostly from her mom asking if she already landed and that they waited for her at the gate. After that she only texted emojis. Hearts, heart-eyes and some other stuff which made her feel even more anxious. How could she disappoint a mother as proud as her? No, she needed to keep her secret for a bit longer. Maybe until her brother messed up. But what could he possibly mess up which would overshadow her dropping out of college? Maybe if he committed a crime.

Mark was different from her, She didn't know how but he actually managed to tell their parents that he doesn't want to become a doctor or lawyer, and instead insisted of becoming an author or journalist. To say her parents were unhappy would be an understatement. They were more than angry and told him to pay the tuition himself. They believed it was just a small teenage dream he had but when he finished High School and started working at the local bookstore to save some money to actually study creative writing they realized that he was serious. That small incident happened just 14 months ago, yet he continued to work there and save up. He even managed to visit her every couple of months, as she didn't want to come.

When she arrived at the luggage claim the suitcases were already out on the baggage belt and she waited as long as she could, watching her lonely suitcase making its turns on the device, purposely ignoring it until it was the only one left and she had to grab it. Her phone vibrated in her pocket again.

Mark [06.07pm]: Where r u?

She rolled her eyes and just put it back in the pocket of her jeans as she headed towards the exit. The girl took a deep breath, putting on the brightest smile she could manage and stepped out of the doors. Her family wasn't hard to notice. Her parents held a way too big and bright  banner in their hands

WELCOME HOME AVA

Ava tried to keep her smile up and waved at them. “Oh, honey welcome home!”, her mother shouted as she lowered the banner to hug her daughter tightly. “I'm so happy you're finally home again, our doctor!.”, she said and patted her back softly. She felt her dad joining the hug and giving her a warm smile as well, joining her mother in telling her how happy he was to have her back home. Ava clenched her jaw, trying to smile as honest as possible.

“You're really squishing me to death guys.”, Ava chuckled and was glad when her parents finally let go of her. She looked up and saw her brother Mark smiling at her.

“Come on, give your favourite sister a hug.”, the girl laughed, making her brother chuckle before embracing her in a loving hug as well. The last time she saw him he visited the campus a few months ago. Of course he didn't know she dropped out then and nearly choked on his water when she told him. She knew he wouldn't tell their parents but he thought it would be better if she told their parents as soon as possible, which she didn't of course.

“Happy to have you back.”, Mark said and squeezed his sister one more time before he let her go and took her suitcase.

Ava stretched her body slowly before getting into their car, really not wanting to sit down for another hour but apparently she had to. As soon as she sat down and put on her seat belt her mother turned around to look at her and smiled.

“Tell us, honey, how is Stanford? Is it going well, yes?”, she asked and Ava felt like she needed to throw up.

“Yeah, everything is fine. I handed in all assignments last week and I have a good feeling.”, she chuckled and felt guilt crawling all over her body. She smiled slightly and turned her eyes away to avoid her mother proud gaze, yet she could feel Mark eyeing her.

“Ah, that's so great, honey. Your father and I just talked to the Lee's from across the street and they told us their son wants to apply to Stanford, too. We told them you could talk to him and give some advice.”

“Sure.”, she just sighed and pulled out her phone again, hoping her mother would understand her silent plead to leave her be. Her mother smiled again and turned back to talk to her father about what she'd make for dinner on this special occasion.

Ava checked the other texts she got, scrolling through them. She smiled when she saw a text from her best friend, sending her a picture from her in her nurse uniform. She looked so cute, proudly standing in front of the mirror in the dressing room, posing with a finger heart.

[Ava 06.54pm] Cute! Just landed, on my way home. Wanna hang out later?

[Yunmi 06.57pm] Can't. Night shift today but pick me up tomorrow morning and get breakfast? The café next to the bookstore finally opened!

[Ava 07.00pm] absolutely! Can't wait. Miss you so much ♥

She scrolled through the remaining texts just to feel a little disappointment in her body after not seeing what she so desperately wanted to see. But then again, she didn't expect to see a text from him after he ignored each and everyone of hers the last two years. He didn't even care enough to wish her a happy birthday in November so he probably couldn't care less texting her when she came home.

She sighed lightly and looked outside the car window, seeing how the landscape came and go in front of her eyes and how the sky got all these beautiful colours in it, she could even see the moon already. A wave of tiredness crashed over her exhausted body as she decided to close her eyes for just  a moment.

The girl felt someone poking her arm multiple times, calling her name.

“Wake up, we're home.”, she heard Mark say and groaned, before rubbing her eyes.

“Yes, I'm awake, you can stop poking me.”, she said when her brother continued to poke her arm with a grin on his face.

“Don't make me hit you.”, she warned and slapped his hand away.

“Pff, please.” he answered mockingly and jumped out of the car before her fist could reached his body.

Ava chuckled , getting out of the car stretching her stiff body slowly, hearing all her joints crack at once.

“How old are you? 80?” Mark said teasingly, getting out her suitcase from the trunk.

“Trust me, I feel like it.”, she yawned loudly and slowly got up the stairs to their house.

She inhaled the sweet and calming scent of her mothers vanilla candles as soon as she set foot into the house, taking of her shoes before she walked further inside. It hasn't changed a bit. The beige coloured walls still had pictures of the family on them. Ava smiled and looked at the picture of her and her family from her Highschool graduation three years ago. She smiled when she saw the exact picture her parents had chosen. Mark and her making some weird pose while her parents rolled their eyes.

“Honey, dinner will be ready in half-an-hour, okay?” she didn't realize that her mother was standing right next to her and flinched a bit.

“Yeah, sure, thank you, mom. I'll start to unpack then. Love you.”, Ava said, kissing her mothers cheek softly before going up the stairs into her old room where Mark already put her suitcase and bag.

Her room hasn't changed either. Of course, it looked a bit colder as she took all her personal stuff with her to the US when she moved out, but it still felt comfy with it's cozy beige sofa and her queen sized bed, which her mother already prepared for her. She closed the door behind her and looked outside the big windows, which connected to a small balcony, which was only hers. She remembered how mad Mark was when she got the room with the balcony and not him and grinned. She stepped outside for a moment to breathe in the still warm air, listening to the rustling sound of the trees as a mild breeze blew through them.

The small wooden bench she made herself with her dad back when she was younger still stood in the very same corner and even had pillows on it and a blanket, indicating that someone still used it even while she was gone. Probably her mother when she wanted to have some time and space for herself, she thought and smiled before going back into her room.

She stretched her stiff body once again before squatting down and opening her black suitcase to unpack her things. Ava only brought some clothes and other necessities with her as she didn't believe of staying home for a longer period of time. She rented her tiny apartment, or as she preferred to call it, her shoebox to a friend from university who looked for her own place as long as she stayed with her parents so she didn't need to worry about paying rent. So she just packed her essentials and hoped to keep her pretty little lie for some more months to figure out what she actually wanted to do with her situation now. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to stay in Stanford . She just knew, she didn't want to stay here in this tiny town where everyone knows everyone.

She loved the size of New York, she loved the vibes, the people and even the stink it had. It was charming in some kind of way and she enjoyed the anonymity she had. She liked living in the famous city which never sleeps but it didn't feel like a complete home to her yet and maybe never would. Not to mention, that she was just working in a café which was barely enough to live so she needed to get something more permanent very soon. But she had no idea what that could be. Maybe she'd apply to another university, maybe she didn't want to go to college at all. But what were her options anyway?

Ava groaned, throwing a stack of clothes into her closet in frustration, before squatting down again to fold them neatly. She felt her phone vibrating in the pocket of her jeans and sighed when she saw the name of the person who messaged her blinking in front of her. She opened it and thought about her answer for several minutes before she decided to ignore it for the moment and maybe get back to it later, unsure about her wanting to meet the sender or not.

She furrowed her eyes as she looked at the clock hanging at one of her walls, showing that it was way later than she expected and her mother still hadn't called for dinner yet. She put the last of her belongings in the connected bathroom she shared with her brother and checked her phone to make sure she didn't receive a text from him telling her dinner is ready. Ava didn't realize how hungry she was until she thought about the dishes her mother was probably busy making and her mouth started to water. She really missed good Korean food. There were quite some Korean restaurants in New York but of course nothing tasted as good as her mother's home cooked meals.

Just as she wanted to open her door and check downstairs she heard her mother shout from the kitchen that dinner was finally ready. She opened her door and could already smell the kimchi and meat her mother apparently made and couldn't wait to finally taste it.

“Coming! I'm getting Mark”, Ava shouted back and wanted to knock on Marks door, telling him to come down but the boy who opened the door wasn't her brother.

“Oh, hey Ava. Haven't seen you in forever. How are you?”, Johnny asked, seemingly surprised but a small smile appeared on his pretty face.

He hasn't changed a tiny bit. He still looked as gorgeous as three years ago when she left and never heard of him again. His hair was still black but a tad longer than before. It framed the contours of his face just perfectly which made it hard for her to look away and think about how she was mad at him for ignoring her for the past years, even though the last thing she remembered with him was actually something very nice. Or that's at least what she thought it was. Apparently he thought differently and had to treat her like air. Not even daring to step a foot in their house when she came home for spring break once.

“Umm, fine. Are you staying for dinner?”, she asked, trying to sound as calm as possible but she couldn't hide a tint of anger in her voice, yet the anger mixed up with other feelings she was way too bad at hiding.

“Yeah, I invited him. He basically lives here anyway.”, she heard Mark say behind Johnny who didn't seem to sense her displeasure over his invitation. Why do they have to be best friends? She asked herself and secretly hoped for Johnny to disappear or something. But of course that wouldnÄt happen.

“Please, the food gets cold, come down.”, she heard her mother saying from the foot of the stairs with her hands stemmed in her hips, still wearing her red-dotted apron.

“Actually, I'm not hungry.”, Ava said taking a step away from Johnny as his simple presence made her legs feel stupidly weak.

Her statement got quite unbelievable when her stomach started to growl from the heavenly scent of her mother's food.

“Doesn't sound like it.”, Mark said and raised his brow looking at his sister questionably.

“I'm really not hungry and I'm meeting a friend. Can we postpone our family dinner to another time?”, she said while purposely emphasising the term family to show her displeasure about the clearly unwanted guest guest.

Before her mother could answer something Ava ran down the stairs, giving her mother another short kiss before running outside, leaving her house behind.

She took a deep breath before letting out some vulgar curses towards the situation and especially the person causing her to still feel all these things.

Ava pulled out her phone and messaged the only person she could think of, who might get her thoughts somewhere else, even if she might regret it in the morning.

masterlist

[sociallyawkward--fics]

I mean I'm obviously gonna go for rk1000, sooo? What do you say? ~S

big spoon/little spoon:

I have a feeling they switch, but Markus is probably the big spoon more often

favorite non-sexual activity:

I bet they REALLY like taking walks in the park together. Like, day or night, whenever they’re free (androids don’t really sleep yknow). It’s just peaceful and nice and beautiful, and they don’t even have to talk

who uses all the hot water:

In a human AU where they need to shower, probably Connor? But Markus is guilty of it, as well, just not as often.

most trivial thing they fight over:

I am TERRIBLE at writing fights so I have no clue. Probably whose turn it is to do whatever chore. But like, in the opposite way you’d expect. Like, “You did the laundry this week, let me do it.” “No you’re so busy and stressed let me take care of it, I don’t mind” “Stop hogging all the chores omg”

who does most of the cleaning:

I feel like they both like to keep things a bit neater, but I like to think that Connor has a bit of OCD so probably him. Like, Markus will clean, and then Connor’s brain will be like “there’s still a few crumbs, that book isn’t positioned just right, why is the the pencil cup THERE instead of on the OTHER side of the desk?!?!” and so then Connor just tries to sneakily clean before Markus can get to it so that he doesn’t feel guilty for making Markus feel like he didn’t clean well enough

what has a season pass on their dvr/who controls the netflix queue:

Definitely Markus. Connor isn’t very pop-culture savvy, so he never knows what the good shows are. He does have a few good choices, but Markus is just better at finding the good stuff And Markus isn’t exactly always in the mood for a serial killer documentary, sorry Connor, sometimes he wants a silly romcom. 

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working:

In a human AU where they need heating, probably Markus. Connor gets nervous, he doesn’t want to be a bother or make people go out of their way for him.

who steals the blankets:

Connor. No question.

who leaves their stuff around:

Markus. He’ll throw his jacket on the couch. His bag on the kitchen counter. His shoes on the stairs. He’s always thinking hard about something, whether it’s work or just what show he and Connor would enjoy watching that night, so he just distracted and his stuff is just everywhere. He’s also the “socks all over the bedroom floor” guy.

who remembers to buy the milk

I mean, they probably both do. They’re both very responsible. Markus more often though, maybe, because he’s so used to taking care of Carl.

who remembers anniversaries:

Both of them and they’re both really sappy about it.

Who cooks normally?

They both cook, but Markus does it more often because he’s just the better cook

How often do they fight?

They probably don’t fight too often. The thing they fight about most is probably work. They’re both workaholics but refuse to admit it. They’re always telling each other to get some dang rest.

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

They’re able to function just fine when away from each other, going about their normal routines as best they can, but they do miss each other a lot. They call every night/morning (if they’re able)

Nicknames for each other?

I am SO BAD at nicknames. Probably just mushy couple stuff. Idk.

Who is more likely to pay for dinner?

Connor tries, but Markus usually grabs the check first, wanting to be a “proper gentleman”

Who steals the covers at night?

Wasn’t this already a question above? Connor, definitely.

What would they get each other for gifts?

Idk man they’re schmoopy af. Connor loves fluffy blankets and sweaters and cute little knick knacks, so Markus gets a lot of those. Connor probably finds him rare, expensive paint and new sheet music and books and stuff.

Who kissed who first?

I’m torn on this one. I can see it being both. I lean more towards Markus, though, because he seems more confident. (Connor IS confident, but after he becomes deviant, his confidence lays mainly in work. He gets very nervous in social situations)

Who made the first move?

I feel like Connor is totally one to make a move on accident because he’s awkward and flumbly in social situations, but Markus is the first to make a move on purpose

Who remembers things?

They both do. Whoever is better at remembering the thing depends on who’s under the least amount of stress with work. When things get busy for Markus, Connor is better at remembering things. When Connor’s in the middle of a big case, Markus is better at it.

Who started the relationship?

Once again, Markus probably instigated it because I see him being more confident.

Who cusses more?

I can’t remember how much Markus curses in the game? But Connor only does like, twice. I feel like Markus is more likely to casually curse? Connor curses on rarer occasions. That may change once I watch someone play through the game again.

What would they do if the other was hurt?

Do literally all they could to help. They care about each other a lot. They would do everything in their power to help and make sure it didn’t happen again. (even if it’s a simple injury, they’re drama queens)

[the-next-miss-american-trash]

Oooo I'm FUMING that I'm still shaking.

So I'm playing Overwatch competitive Open Queue, first game of the morning. It's on Hollywood, we're starting Attack. I'm on mic, and we had like two other people in VC. Our Hog is also mic.

We struggle a little to push onto first point, to which our Hog got some decent kills to win us that point. We're now pushing car. Going to second point, the enemy gets their ults a lot quicker and we're struggling again to push through. Hog starts complaining. At first, i don't comment because yeah, our dps were struggling to get picks.

But Hog contributes nothing to coms. He just complains. We luckily get second, and start pushing through third. Another tough battle, but we made it to the end.

Our turn for Defense and we get rolled. Still complaining. Our round 3 attack, we push it to jail on second point. Morale is low but determination is high. Or should I say spite.

Come round 4 defense, and Hog goes on and on about how he carried through first point and our dps need to pick it up blah blah blah. Our other tank, Sigma now, finally joins in and tells him to shut up because he's toxic af and not contributing to coms at all. And that he doesn't even have gold, so clearly our dps were picking it up. But Hog don't care. He continues to complain, calling the Sigma the r word because he can't see how trash our dps were blah blah. "If we lose first point I'm throwing."

Only, we held *hard*. We burnt straight through their time holding first, and lose it at overtime. At this point, I'm pissed off because he won't shut up. So now I'm hopping on with the Sigma telling him to shut the fuck up because that was a damn good hold and to stop complaining and win. I saved this dumbass's life with my Baptiste fields, and thinks to credit our mercy instead for holding him up.

He just. won't. stop.

So I'm yelling at him all through second point, time ticking into overtime, we're a little staggered. But our godly mercy keeps the team up right as they're at the end and ress'ed me. We kill the stragglers and WIN.

And i go OFF. "NOW YOU LOOK DAMN STUPID BECAUSE WE WON. YOU FUCKING IDIOT. SO CRY ABOUT IT. AND KEEP CRYING. BYE."

I was shaking. I even woke up my sister at that point, and she looks at me a lil annoyed. But i do my best to calm down, queue up, and then avoid and reported him. It was so bad.

Luckily, that was the only instance of a toxic teammate, because all my games after that were a steady rise to 3340, the highest my sr has ever been. I got a group that helped me decompress because they were funny, and my mood went back to positive. But never, never before had i flipped my lid and had to yell at someone during comp. It was just so irritating to have someone complaining while we were winning.