#so i'll go without any youtube or music for a few months now
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headphones well and truly dead now, way beyond salvaging
hate and seethe on planet earth
#one side was already unusable but the other one died too just now#cables not even attached anymore on the inside on the side that worked#hate that i can't listen to anything anymore now#bc i'm not gonna be listening to music without headphones#or any videos really#i absolutely refuse. never#so i'll go without any youtube or music for a few months now#fuck this stupid baka life#fr tho i can't listen to anything now unless i go over to my room instead and it's gonna kill me#i actually deadass cannot live without music. i will be upset for the next however long i go without headphones#also bc i can't drown out the noise of Everything Else that happens around me#it's so upsetting that everything is so loud sometimes. normally i'm okay with it but sometimes Sounds in general just upset me#hate hate hate this#i wanna hit something so hard it evaporates rn#let me violent please i need it or i Will be upset with too much noise#personal
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đ Day 3.5 is now available! đ
For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord â and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game â so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!
The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^
What's been added to the 3.5 version?
đş Streamer Mode!
I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.
Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh
This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!
âď¸ Custom Pronouns!
It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;
Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!
đ Choose how others perceive you!
You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.
For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!
�� Separate top and bottom genitalia!
You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3
Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!
I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;
I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao
đą Relationship Screen Overhaul!
You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!
Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!
I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;
It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)
đ¤ Additional Scenes Update!
Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!
If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.
After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga
đś Updated BGM and SFX!
I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!
I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.
Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.
How to download and play the update?
(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!
Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)
Enjoy!!
#14 days with you#14dwy#đ â 14 days with queue.#đ¤ â updates.#đ¤ â spoilers.#I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately#Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To Itâ˘ď¸#(''it'' bein the grind đŞ It never stops lmao /silly)#OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'llâ#âmake ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;)#However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing)#So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me fromâ#âcontinuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue#âthis kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3#Aaaaaanways!! đŽâđ¨#My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folksâ#âagain in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!!#This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v;#Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe#đ¤ â shut up sai.
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Activities for Regressors Without Caregivers! (or just fun regression activties!)
(Although you're always welcome here if you'd like any form of comfort anyway! ^w^)
This one's kind of a long one, after the few tips I list, I've mentioned an app I use called Finch, which will be talked about below the cut.
Since that's the case, I'll put my little ending message here instead:
Knowing how to take care of yourself can take a lot of work and practice, but I believe it's worth the effort, because then you'll be a happier and healthier you! Especially if you can find ways to make it fun!
I'm more than happy to be here for you and offer my support in any way I can, anyhow! I'm proud of you for doing what you can, I know it can be very hard.
I myself don't have a caregiver for when I regress, so most of the time I end up taking care of myself! Here are some fun activities and things I do when I regress to keep myself calm and happy! ^w^
Paci mentions/pics not long after the first section for those of you who'd rather not see 'em.
⼠Arts and crafts! I absolutely LOVE coloring and making bracelets with beads, something not too complicated for little hands, but also something fun!
With coloring, you can buy coloring books, or draw something of your own to color in- even printing out a page you find online, coloring digitally, or tracing over something to color in could work! I prefer coloring more than drawing personally because I don't draw all the time, but I bet I could learn a little thing or two from the artists around here!
For bracelets (and other jewelry), strings can be hard to knot with little hands (at least they aren't those small, slippery clasps!!), but the beads shouldn't be too hard to handle if you're careful! Even just planning out patterns is fun!
Here are some My Little Pony bracelets I made, and the decorations I did for my pacis!
⼠Making playlists! Dancing is fun, and a good way to get the zoomies out, but you can just make playlists for any occasion! I have playlists that help me pet-regress, songs with sounds I like, adventure playlists... (Well- a lot of these are still in progress, but- you get the point!)
I also love those playlist videos on YouTube! Animal Crossing, Super Mario Galaxy, Minecraft and music box music are typically my go-to to help me settle or just make for comfy background music! Here's one of my favorites, shadowatnoon has lovely Nintendo music mixes!
⼠Playing with your plushies! You can take them on adventures, or make your own!
Like Toby, climbing The Great Pillow Mountain!
(This is Toby by the way, he's one of my best friends and a VERY good hugger!)
You can play games with them, too! Toby's REALLY good at hide and seek... Maybe you can find him for me? :0
⼠Finding shows to watch! I really like Paw Patrol and Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at the moment. Plus, you can look at agere content and fics from shows you like! People make really cool stimboards and moodboards, for example, and I like reading through all the fun stories people write!
Here's a silly picture of Rocky I found! :3
Finch
Finch is a self-care app where you take care of your very own little bird friend by taking care of yourself!
You can set daily goals, or for each day (or more specific ones as well I think.). By completing these goals, you give your bird energy to go on adventures! They usually come back with a funny little story or silly questions, because they're learning, too!
Through completing these goals (or daily, at least), you can get Rainbow Stones, which you can use to buy clothes for your bird, make them different colors, or give them furniture for their house!
They're also LGBTQ+ and disability-friendly!! :3
This is my little bird, Honeydew! You're welcome to friend me as well if you'd like, my code is: Z3E2T7VRK6
It's helped me learn a lot about taking care of myself and keeping track of my goals, and I get little rewards for it! I've used the app for several months now, and it's helped me out a lot!
"Fluttershy protects this blog! SFW interaction only, please and thank you! ^w^"
"Wouldn't show a kid? Doesn't belong here!"
#honey tea#notes from mama#age regression#agere community#agere#sfw agere#safe agere#age regressor#agere blog#agere cg#age dreaming#sfw agedre#agedre blog#agedre community#safe agedre#agedre positivity#agere caregiver#age dreamer#agere cg blog#caregiver blog#cg blog#age regression caregiver
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A Blue Velvet Crush
(Elvis/Austin!Elvis Ă reader)
Character/Fandom: Elvis - Elvis (2022)
TW: Cussing, teasing, SMUTTT, fingering
Rating: Explicit/Mature (NSFW, 18+, so minors Do NOT Interact)
Word Count: 5.4K
A/N: Hello everyone! This picture of Elvis lives rent free in my head and I knew when I first saw it, I had to write something for it.
If you've never seen some of this performance, I'd recommend watching! I'll make another post with the youtube link!
Thank you againâ¤ď¸
Sorry for any spelling mistakes or goofs.
Mississippi, September 26th, 1956
Traffic was backed up for miles and the buzz in the air was electrifying. You couldnât hide your nerves though. You werenât even supposed to be here today but by the grace of God, you got thrown in the ring and had to cover todayâs most important story. Elvis Presley was back in his hometown of Tupelo, Mississippi to perform a charity concert. His rise to fame seemed to happen overnight and everyone was dying to see him in person.Â
You were just an intern at the Tupelo Mirror and your supervisor that was running the Elvis story got sick this morning. Eric called you at the crack of dawn, frantic that no one was going to be there to take pictures. You had only been at the newspaper for a month and a half, you didnât want to overstep your role and be too forward, but you mentioned that you have photography experience. You ran your college photography club and were majoring in journalism. You know you can take some decent shots of him. You try to sell yourself, affirming you can do this! The whole reason you were working for the newspaper was to get a better shot of getting a job at a newspaper company after you graduated. You thought this would be the perfect way to gain the experience. And if you got some good pictures of Elvis Presley? That could change your whole life.Â
You did have a fondness of the man but like, who didnât at your age? He was the new cool guy who was causing havoc wherever he went. He was talented and had this luring sense about him. You hadnât ever seen him in person, but based on the few televised appearances heâs made, he was beyond incredible. You knew he had a talent that no one had ever had. Your parents would always make a fuss if you were watching him and tried to make you feel bad for it.Â
âNo Christian boy should be moving like that! Itâs abhorrent.â Your parents used to say.Â
Youâd just roll your eyes and grumble under your breath. Your parents didnât understand that he was something young people could love and be fully immersed in without having to act all prim and proper about it. There was no other artist that would make you feel the way Elvis made his audiences feel. He was passionate and he felt the music to his very soul. It showed so easily he didnât have to say he loved what he was doing.Â
And now you were going to be feet away from Elvis, taking his picture and maybe even getting the chance to ask him a few questions. The cars started moving forward more and before you could get through the gates, a police officer stopped you. You rummaged through your satchel and pulled out your press pass. He quickly nodded and directed you to the portion of the lot where other photographers and press reporters were gathered. You quickly find a spot and throw your car in park. You throw your satchel over your head and grab your camera out of its bag. It wasnât the most high-end camera but it took nice pictures. You double-checked the camera had enough film and quickly made a beeline to the stage.Â
There were thousands of people here already and the buzz in the air was electric. You saw girls jumping up and down giddy that they were about to see Elvis live. You had some of the men standing next to them with a bored expression on their faces like they didnât want to be there. You had to play it cool though. You had your press badge on and the last thing you needed was for someone to see you acting giddy when you had to be professional today.Â
There was a corralled section for the press behind ropes that gave you a bit better access on the side of the stage but it was still very crowded. Not only that, but it was all men here and they were all significantly taller than you. You couldnât see a damn thing from this area and became worried you werenât going to be able to get one good photograph of this entire thing!
You try to push and shove your way closer to the front but just get these condescending looks toward you and donât budge an inch for you. You didnât expect anything less honestly, the industry was made up of men and wasnât exactly kind to women entering the workplace. You shake it off, not letting it get to you too much.Â
The audience starts screaming as the band takes their place on stage. Itâs a small band with just a drummer, bassist, and guitar player. Theyâre all smiles when they hear the crowd go wild for them. Your eyes are focused on the side of the stage though. You want to get the first glimpse of him when he gets on this stage.Â
The audience continues to grow antsy and an announcer hops on stage. He steps in front of the microphone at center stage and taps it with his finger.Â
âLadies and gentlemen, I know you all are very excited to have one of our very own from Tupelo be here today. I need you to give a warm welcome to Elvis Presley.â
The crowd erupts at his name and everyone bursts out in insane excitement. You keep your eyes on the side of the stage and you raise the camera to your face, getting ready for the first shot.Â
The audience gets louder and you feel the hair on your arms rise. There you see him. Heâs dressed in a velvety blue long-sleeve and loose black slacks with his perfect white oxfords. His hair was greased back and looked shiny. He had his guitar on and made his way to the microphone. From this angle, he looked so tall, his legs easily gliding him across the stage.Â
He carried this nervous energy about him tho. He puts his hand in his pocket and grabs the microphone with the other hand.Â
Click.Â
He starts Heartbreak Hotel and drives the place insane. Everyone is screaming and some girls are even crying. His voice rings out flawlessly and once he starts singing, thereâs no stopping him. He canât seem to stand still. Whether itâs the music moving him or the nerves, he is shaking and moving, making the crowd even more insane.
There are times when the screams overpower his voice coming through the microphone. He has an amused look on his face the whole time though. Especially when he swings his hips and makes the girls go bezerk. You catch yourself blushing at those moves, how he can move his hips so easily as he makes these in-passion faces. He made you feel something youâve never felt before. It was bad, it was lust driving you to keep looking at what he was going to do next. You wanted him to move more to see just how those hips would move in other circumstancesâŚ
Click.
Fucking focus.
He wasnât afraid to get close to his fans. It looked like he really loved them. You could tell he moved his leg just to get them going and have them look there. Or how heâd say a certain word and prolong it all sensually, it drove the place nuts. Even just the way he held the microphone and dragged it along beside him. He commanded that stage by doing the smallest things. Elvis walks slowly to the edge of the stage where dozens of fans reach out their hands for him. He gets close and reaches out his hand too, still singing and never missing a beat.
Click.
You get the side profile of him but you think itâs going to be a great picture when it develops. What you really want is a perfect picture of his face straight onto the camera. That would be a great way to solidify that you are a great photographer and can do this professionally.
Elvis finishes his set and gets rushed off stage into the building behind the arena. You follow the crowd thatâs trying to get to him, hoping you can get another picture of him thatâs even better than the ones you took. The other photographers arenât paying any attention to you and push and shove their way through. You huff annoyed, hoping you can get in there before they close the doors.Â
You find a spot on the side but all the men in here are so much taller and crowding Elvis. You slump by the door, frustrated that you might have ruined your big chance to prove yourself at the newspaper as you havenât gotten a single shot of his face straight on. You wanted to the perfect shot and it seems your opportunity was wasted.Â
âAlright everyone itâs time to leave. Elvis wonât be answering any more questions,â a man bellows. Most of the men try to protest but they slowly start to funnel out of the door. You continue to get pushed aside until youâre almost behind the door. You donât move from behind there because, for a brief second, a devious idea pops into your head.Â
Just stay here long enough for everyone to leave and ask for a picture when heâs alone.
Your heart pounds away at just the thought of being alone with Elvis but you had to try it. The worst he could say was no and get out.Â
The last few remaining men shuffle out of the room and Elvis yells out that heâll be right out. The door shuts closed, making your little hiding spot be exposed in plain sight.Â
Elvis had his back to the door so he didnât see you right away. You sighed in relief for that but had to work up the courage to say something to him.
What exactly should you say in this situation? âHi I snuck in your dressing room even though I was told to get out, can I take a few pictures of you for the newspaper?â
You cringed just thinking about it. You took a few deep breaths and straightened out your dress.
âUmm, excuse me, Elvis?â You say sheepishly.
He turns around quickly at the sound of your voice and stares wide-eyed at you. He doesnât say anything right away and neither do you because seeing him this close and in person is too much.
He is beautiful, in every shape and form, he is beautiful. Youâve never seen such a handsome-looking man before in your life and have no words. Logical thinking went out the window with him and he looks at you with the same expression on his face. You havenât said more than four words to him but you want him. You want him to look at you and touch you and never stop. Your core flutters at that scandalous thought.
âYou scared me there honey. H-howâd you get in here?â He asks with a mischievous grin forming on his face.
âW-w-well I uhhh. Well, I work for the newspaper and I was wondering if I could take a few more pictures of you?â You ask nervously. A long silence fills the room and you are about to turn on your heels and run for the door when he gives you another cheeky smile.
âSure, I donât mind at all. What was your name lilâ darlinâ?â He asks smoothly.
Lilâ darlinâ.
Jesus Christ I���m not going to make it out of here alive with all his charm suffocating me.
âOh gosh Elvis, thank you so much. This truly means so much to me. And my name is y/n.â You tell him in a hurry. You make sure your camera is on and ready before you look back up at him watching you intently.
âY/n⌠thatâs very prettyâŚWhereâd you want me, honey?â He coos.
Your heart pounds in your ears and you canât register anything he just said. All you can do is look at him in shock and canât believe youâre alone with him. You know how many thousands of girls would kill for a moment like this? And the question he just asked?! Ooh, the sheer audaciousness he has. He knows he's irresistable.
I'd love you to cover me in kisses with those pillowy soft lips...
âHuh?â You say in a daze.
âWhere did you wanna take my picture honey? Youâre the photographer and all,â he teases. You feel the heat rise to your cheeks and you nervously look down at your camera.
âOh yeah⌠sorry⌠Iâve never really done this,â you admit. His eyebrows shoot up surprised, âFirst time? Wow, thatâs somethinâ for a little lady coming here and coverinâ a story on a day like this. The whole town is making a huge fuss over me, I donât think deserve it, but itâs very special either way. Iâll make sure to give you the best pictures,â he winks. It feels like your heart just about stopped by that one minuscule movement.
Stop that. Stop that right now!
You sweetly smile up at him and move further into the room, trying to see what angle and lighting would be best. The wall behind him was blue and you thought that would be a perfect backdrop to accentuate the velvet shirt he was wearing and his piercing blue eyes.
âUmm, letâs try with you stand there. I think that would be a nice background,â you say.
He casually takes a few steps back and puts his hands in his pockets.
âLike this?â He asks. You raise the camera to your face, make sure the frame is straight, and push the button.
Click.
He looked good without even trying. He had this golden aura about him. Like he shined from within. He was remarkable and you know that without saying much else to him. Even if you didnât like him already, you can see the appeal. He was so easy to love. So easy to be around. Everything about him was inviting and warm. You donât know how you were going to peel yourself away from himâŚ
âOkay, how about one smiling?â You ask. He nods his head and gives you this cute cheeky smile.
Click.
God help me I canât breathe with this man around looking this good.
âHow are they cominâ out honey?â He asks, his southern inflection on honey making you feel like the actual word.
âOh, just fine. I think theyâre going to be amazing when printed,â you try to say casually.
âOh good⌠what are you doinâ working for the newspaper?â He asks, fixing the sides of his hair with a comb.
Click.
âI donât work for the newspaper, not yet at least. Iâm just an intern. Iâm a student at the University of Mississippi studying journalism and thought it would help to work there for a bit so when I graduate in two years, I can hopefully get a job at a newspaper,â you explain.
He intently looks at you, interested in everything you have to say, âThatâs wonderful honey. I think thatâs great youâre pursuing that. I donât doubt for a second you wonât get a job anywhere you apply for,â he says sweetly. You canât help but blush at his nice words and fiddle with your camera.
âThank you, Elvis,â you say quietly. He walks over to the sofa thatâs up against the wall and casually takes a seat.
He stretches out one arm along the back of the couch and the other rests on the arm of it. His legs were spread open and your eyes canât help but stare at them. They were so long and he exuded sensuality, it nearly made you dizzy. He sees how youâre looking at him, intrigued with the man that so many found attractive.
You raise the camera to your eye once again as he looks down the lens intensely.
Click.
You felt like screaming like those girls were earlier. Youâve never felt so attracted to someoneâs presence. It kind of scared you in a way.Â
He moves on the sofa slightly, bringing his hand to his mouth and giving you this luring, sultry gaze.
Oh lord, Iâm a dead womanâŚ
Click.
He doesnât change this pose after the flash goes off, he continues to sit there with his eyes drinking you in. Your body canât take this, the tension in the room is palpable and you are seriously considering running out now since you have plenty of good shots. Elvis slowly starts to lower his hand from his mouth and you see he was biting his lip behind it this whole time. He slowly drags his teeth across it before letting it go with a pop.
âAnyone ever tell you how beautiful you are?â He asks softly.
You canât hide your flushed cheeks anymore and lower the camera from your face to see if heâs being serious. His eyes look heavy and somber, but he cracks a little grin to lighten the mood.
âOh, no⌠not something I normally hear,â you say insecurely.
âThatâs a shame darlinâ, you really are. You have the most gorgeous smile, beautiful eyes, and the longest legs Iâve ever seen,â he gushes.Â
Iâm dead. Iâve gone to heaven and died. This canât be happening!
âWell thank you very much. I could say the same for you,â you say coyly.
His eyebrows raise at the blunt remark and chuckles softly to himself. He lowers his hand off the back of the sofa and places it on the empty space beside him, looking at it, then looking back up at you. He doesnât need to say another word, he pulls you in without trying.
You carefully place your camera on the table and take your bag off your shoulder. You make your way to sit beside him as your heart gallops like a racing horse.
He turns his body a bit to face you more and being this close to him is unlike anything youâve ever experienced. You have to hold your breath or he might notice how nervous you are.
âNo guy back home tellingâ you how pretty you are hmm?â He says, tucking back stands of hair behind your ear. All you can do is shake your head no. His fingertips barely graze the lobe of your ear but it makes you feel weak anyway. The arousal dripping from your core is not helping the situation and not letting you think clearly.
âOh, well Iâm sorry men are so blind over there. I think youâre the prettiest girl Iâve ever seen,â he quips, giving you a cheeky smile. âThe most pretty eyes, the most pretty nose, the most pretty pink lips Iâve ever seen,â he coos, leaning in closer until you can feel his breath on your lips.
You canât take it anymore and lean in, devouring his lips with yours. You let out a deep breath as your mouth touched his, his lips feeling softer than you could have ever possibly imagined. He was so gentle with his kiss, making sure he wasnât overstepping your boundaries. But you didnât care about that. You screamed for more from him. More kisses, more long heated stares, more everything.Â
You boldly, place your hand on his bicep, pulling yourself closer to him. He responds to your touch and you can tell he likes it. His crushed velvet shirt felt nice underneath your fingertips and felt his toned arms. He places his hand on your cheek, pulling you in with more urgency. You feel breathless, loving the way his skin makes yours feel like itâs on fire.
Elvis softly pulls away, not before biting your bottom lip and letting a sigh slip out of his mouth.
âThose lips darlinâ, I could kiss them all day,â he mutters, his eyes heavy with lust.
âWhatâs stopping you?â You whimper. He grins and pulls you in once more.
You canât believe any of this is real. The way he is kissing you should not feel so good and yet it does. You put both of your hands on his chest, pulling him closer to you by the collar of his shirt. His hands start to roam along your back, feeling the curve of it and how well this dress fits you. Every inch of you wants his hands placed lower. Right at the spot that is yearning for friction from those perfect hands.
He starts to drag one of his hands to your hip, squeezing there then down the top of your thigh. Need coursed through you and you couldnât help but open your legs a tad bit. Youâre not sure if he noticed, but he let out a pleased hum as he kissed you with more intensity. Â
You needed to feel him. You needed to feel how soft his skin would be when itâs pressed against yours. Your hand sneaks into his shirt and feel the coarse little chest hairs he had there. You were right, his skin felt perfect and it only made you crave more. You snake your hand lower and onto the top of his thigh. You make the same movements heâs doing to you and you feel his body melt at your touch.Â
You move your hand a bit lower and go to caress the inside part of his thigh and you freeze.
âOhâŚâ you moan into his mouth.
What you felt underneath your fingertips made you cry in need of him. Dear God, he was blessed in more ways than one. He was so much longer than you expected and it made your heart leap out of your chest. His cock was warm and fully hard in his pants as your fingertips slowly start to rub against him. You pull away from his lips and have to look at what your hand is feeling.Â
You were going to die and see the pearly gates if you tried to have that inside of you. But God you didnât care, you wanted him so bad. Youâve never wanted a man like this in your entire life. Looking up at Elvis, he looks calm and collected, still giving you a heated stare. He looks down at your hand, then back up to you with an innocent look about him.Â
âYou like what you feel baby?â He asks low. You take a deep breath before answering him.
âY-yes. Yes, I doâŚâ you say softly, your hand moving along him more. He lets out a pleased groan and adjusts his hips slightly, liking the feeling of your touch on him.
âDo you want more? Do you want to feel what itâs like inside of you?â He coos, leaning in for a soft kiss that leaves you dizzy. Your breathing felt erratic and the ache you had in your core only worsened.
âYes please Elvis⌠please,â you beg. He smirks at you and kisses your neck, sending a shock of electricity through you.Â
âCan I see what youâre wearinâ underneath this pretty dress honey?â He asks you. You nod your head and his fingers find the zipper of your dress easily. He slowly pulls it down and pulls down the fabric off the front of your body. You help him slip you out of your dress and sit there with your white bra and panties left on. He lets out a pleased little groan as he sees you sitting there, trembling with need. He gently touches your exposed skin, leaving little goosebumps behind. He touches your breasts gently, biting his lip as both of his hands cup them and start to play with your nipples through the fabric of your bra. You canât help but lean into his touch loving every second of this.
He places a soft kiss on top of your breast as he reaches around and unclips your bra. He quickly puts one of your nipples in his mouth and sucks on it, groaning as he does so. Your back arches into his mouth, craving so much more from him. His other hand roams your body but only focuses on the top half of you. Your core was dripping with arousal and aching to be touched by those long fingers. You guide one hand between your legs and have him put pressure there.
You gasp instantly, his touch feeling better than you could have imagined but also realize youâve soaked through your panties. He takes his mouth off of you and pulls away to look down at his hand.
âFuck honey, how long have you been soaked like this?â He grumbles, his two fingers sliding up and down through your covered folds and creating the most delicious friction.
âSince I saw you moving on that stage,â you admit weakly.
He chuckles softly, âOh honey, why didnât you tell me sooner⌠this pussy just weepinâ for me?â He asks as his fingers slide the elastic of your panties to the side and expose your leaking core to him.
âYes,â you moan. He nods his head and slowly pushes a finger inside of you. You both groan together, filling you so nicely. Your hips rock into his hand, needing everything he can give you.Â
You throw your head back as he adds another finger inside of you.
âElvis,â you moan, your chest heaving for more. He watches you intently, liking how on edge you are for him. His fingers twist and curl inside of you and you gasp for air. He likes what heâs doing and canât get enough got you either.
âYou feel so nice and wet baby. Can I give you my cock now?â He asks.
âPlease, I want you Elvis, please give it to me,â you beg, reaching for his belt and unfastening it. He pulls down your panties and you lift your hips to help him get them off. You then work on the button of his pants and slide down the zipper. He lifts his hips up too to take them off and you watch as his cock comes out. Oh God, you were weak by just looking at it. His pink tip was peeking out from his foreskin and clear precum started to dribble down his length. His hand wraps around his length and spreads some of that slickness around the tip of him, moving his hand up and down slowly. You look back into his intense eyes and donât know what to say.
âYou want to ride me, honey?â He asks. The look on your face must have shown the apprehension you had thinking about taking him like that. He rubs his thumb along your cheek and smirks at you.
âItâll feel so good baby. Youâre so wet for me, youâre going to cover my cock in your sweet honey and make us feel so good,â he groans as you watch him swirl his thumb around the tip of his cock. A pent-up moan escapes your lips and quickly straddle his hips, needing him more than ever.
He rubs his length through your folds, covering him in your arousal and making you both moan with the sensation. You hold onto his shoulders and press kisses to his cheek. You feel him line himself up to your entrance and hold your hips. Elvis looks up at you with need and his eyes are begging you to have him. You felt the heat of him pressed there against your entrance and you canât wait any longer. You start to sink down on his impressive length, moaning as you take the first few inches. He felt so good, filling you so completely and stretching out your tight entrance. He throws his head back onto the couch and groans as you take him, squeezing your hips tightly.
The sounds he makes when heâs getting pleased goes straight to your head. You love the way he groans as you move slowly on him. You never knew you could be so attracted to the sound of a man getting pleased. You take more of him inside you and cry out his name, overwhelmed it can be feeling this good.Â
âYou feel so good, honey. You like how my cock feels inside you?â He groans into your ear. You gasp as his hips move up into you, stuffing more of his length inside of you.
âYes, oh fuck yes,â you cry out.
You move faster on him, wanting more of him and feeling your walls fluttering each second. His eyes watch how your breasts bounce as youâre riding him, drunk at the very sight of you. You close your eyes, overwhelmed with all the sensations heâs giving you and those eyes only make it worse and worse.Â
Your hips grind at the base of his cock and you both whimper. Your clit rubs at the base of him and you feel your walls start to clench around him. You ride him harder, chasing the high of your orgasm. You look back into his eyes, desperate for him to help you.
âE-Elvis⌠oh please,â you beg.
âCome darlinâ, I wanna feel you come for me,â he groans as he snaps his hips into you, causing his cock to get deeper inside you.
You whimper in agony, not being able to hold on much longer. His hands are back on your hips and help you move more. Your breathing is ragged and your vision is blurry, you thrust a few more times on him and you feel your body shudder hard. Your walls squeeze around his length and cry out his name like heâs your saving grace. He groans with you, loving how good you feel around him. He helps you rock your hips into him more, making you come more than you ever have in your life. Your head feels dizzy and your body feels like itâs floating. You never knew a man could make you feel this good.
You keep riding him and donât want to stop. He was still making these sinful sounds that sent a pulse straight to your pussy as you hear him getting pleased by you. He bites his lower lip as he stares at you, beaded sweat gathering at his temples and his breathing becoming more frantic.
âAh, honey you feel so damn good. I need to come now,â he says gruffly. He picks you up off of him and has you stand in between his open legs. He grabs his cock in his hand once more and starts to jerk himself off, staring at you with need. You wanted to touch him again, feel the warmth of his length fill your hand. You boldly get on your knees and take his hand off of himself. You wrap your small hand around him and his eyes roll back in his head. Your wetness covered his length and made it easy to move your hand on him. You angle his length toward your chest and he bucks his forward and falls apart. His seed comes out in thick, hot, spurts and lands on your chest. He groans loudly and cusses under his breath with each stroke of your hand.Â
âOh yes honey, yes,â he moans.
Heâs trying to calm down and regain his normal breathing but your thumb continues to tease his extra sensitive head. He groans in agony, loving and hating how youâre playing with him.
âGod honey I-I-I ainât never felt so good,â he sighs. âCome here,â he says opening his arms to you.Â
You get up and sit on his thigh, your spilling arousal making a mess on him. You wince when you feel the wetness spread on him and look up at him with an innocent smile.
âSucha messy lilâ girl hmm?â He teases.
âMhmm, youâre quite messy too,â you quip, looking down at your chest with him covering it.
He laughs amused, âWell, you felt too good what can I say,â he says cutely, placing a soft kiss on your lips.
âI had to say thank you in some way for letting me take some pictures of you,â you say shyly.
âOh, you didnât need to, but Iâm so thankful you did,â he winks.
You kiss each other more, reveling in this moment together, not wanting it to end so soon. But you knew he had other places to be, you couldnât keep him in here forever.
âI donât want to keep you from your day. The whole town is so happy youâre here,â you smile.
âThanks, honey. Itâs nice to be celebrated in sucha nice way,â he says caressing your face, âbut this might have been my favorite thing I got today.â He says cutely.
âAnd whatâs that?â You ask smartly.
âYou, my new favorite reporter.â
*
*
*
Tagging:
@powerofelvis @burninlovebutler
@neptuneismysister @velvetelvis @ccab @presleyenterprise @loving-elvis @theresalwaysep
@prompted-wordsmith@sillybookmarks @dkayfixates @ellie-24 @rktismylife-blog.@myradiaz@tacozebra051
@thatbanditqueen
@18|kpeters @flwrs4aust @emma181873
@austinswhitewolf @eliseinmemphis
@everythingelvispresley @chasingwildflowers @idontwanttoputanything @ohjustpeachy
@elvisalltheway101 @austinsmutler @kingdomforapony
@generoustreemystic @claire-elvisgirl
@ashtag6887 @burnthheparaphilia @richardslady121
@jaqueline19997
@returntopresley. @iloveelvis @rjmartin11 @that-hotdog @louisejoy86 @misspresley @cattcb @annapresley8
@arrolyn1114 @raginginkedslut @epthedream69
@mh777ep1938 @50sexyshadesfashionista
@oldhOllywOod @hooked-on-elvis @livelovedilfs
#elvis presley#elvis fans#elvis presley fanfic#elvis presley fanfiction#elvis presely smut#elvis smut#elvis x you#elvis x y/n#elvis x reader#50s elvis#elvisaaronpresley#elvis imagine#elvis fic#elvis fluff
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Hi! I hope you don't mind, but I would like to ask your input on something, since you post a lot of "lost media" stuff. Do you know what the general etiquette for talking about members' past bands/projects in public spaces?
Here's the thing: I only discovered Sleep Token a few months ago, and when I first listened, I was shocked to recognize Vessel's voice immediately. Apparently I've actually been listening to one of his old projects for like 8 years now đ It's lovely to know he's still making music and it's wonderful to see how he's progressed with his skills (his voice!! Oh my god, he's grown so much), but I can't help but feel a little sad because I'm worried I'll be shunned if I mention his old works around ST fans. What has your experience been with this sort of thing? I just don't want to start a fuss on accident.
Hi, Anon đ¤ I don't mind at all, thanks for the question. With the anonymity of Sleep Token, it's very tricky to talk about any of the band's past projects in fan spaces. Basic etiquette is to not mention them at all because of the names and faces associated with the projects. For that reason, the rest of this answer is going below a "keep reading" cut.
If you are a Sleep Token fan, and don't want to see past project names, do not click on "Keep Reading."
First off: Anon, I'm so jealous of you! Lol, I'm surprised you found Blacklit Canopy first, that's such a rarity in this fandom! You have no idea how many times I'm like "Where was I in 2012?! Why didn't I find this in 2014?!"
Secondly, my whole experience with this particular corner of the fandom has been lovely tbh. But I think I get away with posting "lost media" because I make sure to keep names/YouTube/anything identifying detached from the posts. I only ever refer to him as Ves (and not his full stage name) and I don't mention Sleep Token (or if I do I abbreviate to ST). I think the closest I ever got to mentioning Ves's past project actually was in this lost media post.
Another reason I think a lot of fans would consider it improper to mention Ves's old project is because the relationship he was in with the other half of Blacklit Canopy technically changes 70-80% of Sleep Token's songs. The intricate lore that fans have created is suddenly lost, and we're left with roughly three albums about "the girl that got away" and how Ves coped with it. That isn't inherently a bad thing, but I understand why it's not everyone's cup of tea. Since you're new to Sleep Token, I'm going to assume you haven't seen these interviews: about why the member's identities "don't matter" and what Sleep Token's goal is as a band.
I have seen people make posts about Blacklit Canopy here on Tumblr before without receiving backlash (at least outwardly), but that's only because it was in a similar manner to this post (the majority of it was under a "read more" cut), they kept the band names separate in the tags i.e. they didn't tag Sleep Token, and didn't mention Ves's name at all. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I've seen posts literally stating "It is disrespectful to listen to Ves's old music," which I don't agree with. One: there's an entire other person involved. Two: if Ves didn't want his fans to know, why are the Blacklit Canopy YouTube channel and Twitter accounts still up? And three: they literally released a deluxe EP on Spotify at the beginning of the year which Ves is 100% aware of and signed off on, if it wasn't him who published it in the first place. I'm not here to tell fans what they're feeling is wrongâ on either end of the spectrumâ because I understand where they are coming from and why they might feel that way.
All of the above said, there are safe fan spaces where it's perfectly acceptable to mention both Sleep Token and Blacklit Canopy in the same sentence; even identities. That goes for all Sleep Token members, past and present, and their other projects. So if you were wanting to keep them a mystery, then I'm sadly out of suggestions aside from DMs maybe. There are more people on this site Who Knowâ˘ď¸ than you might think.
On Reddit you have both r/BlacklitCanopy and r/SleepTokenTheory
On Facebook you have the Blacklit Canopy Fans page
On Discord there's discord.gg/blacklitcanopy
I'm not so active on Reddit, and I don't have Facebook, so I'm very biased toward option three I'm also an admin there.
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Me is back after my little hiatus
So following my hospital (ENT) appointment this wednesday just gone I had 3 days of trigeminal neuralgia to deal with. Now my pain is gone until the next TN attack I'm back.
So I'm going to continue my journey through the numerous Les Mis adaptations and as usual I'll get screenshots to post.
I'm also going to venture into the world of school productions of the musical on youtube and I shall review those too. I won't post screenshots because obiously it's kinda wrong for me to post pics of kids especially as it's extremely likely that won't even know them and I'm not posting kids pics without permission from the parents/guardians.
However I will link the videos in my reviews after I've watched them.
Anyone got any recommendations on which film adaptation of Les mis I can watch next?
I'll watch one film adaptation per week, because circumstances at home are commendeering a biggish chunk of time atm as my mother's mobility has taken a hit since she fell a month ago. Also I'm doing most of the cooking/cleaning and to add fuel to our domestic bonfire my brother has split up with his gf and moved back in with us. He's only been back a few days and I'm already trying to come up with slow and painful ways to torture him. I love my brother but jesus christ he's annoying as fuck. He's almost 40 and acts like a fucking 14 year old with the attitude to match.
I'm going to be doing some drawing as well, I didn't manage to get my werewolf Javert pics drawn so I'll be doing that. I still haven't finished reading the brick yet because I've just not been feeling like reading. But I will conquer it soon. I'm not going to plan ahead with anything else, but other things might get done spontaneously or at some point in the near future.
#I'm back#coming soon#recent health issues#the brick#my fan art#my drawings#javert community#les mis adaptations
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In advance of Taskmaster season 18 starting, I found Andy Zaltzman's old episodes on a couple of Alex Horne podcasts, and listened to those. This sent me down a route of finding various Zaltzman appearances on podcasts, and I was reminded that there's an entire Zaltzman-hosted thing that's easy to find that I've never heard. It's his "Summer of Sport", which was a podcast he did for The Guardian throughout summer 2016, discussing the various sporting things happening. Rio Olympics, obviously. Also other stuff. I think there was cricket on.
It's weird that I've not listened to that before, and that it's not even something I think of if I think of Andy Zaltzman's career, even though I know Andy Zaltzman's career very well. I know Andy's pre-Bugle career because that's Chocolate Milk Gang stuff; I have studied that era in, probably, far too much detail. And anything he's done since The Bugle started, I know about it because I've heard it plugged on the podcast.
But Summer of Sport fell through a crack, as the John Oliver era of The Bugle ended in March 2016, and the reboot started in October 2016. This one little six-month window of Andy Zaltzman's career where I don't know what was going on, and he hosted a whole 12-episode podcast without me noticing. I mean, I was vaguely aware that it existed for some reason, but didn't really know what it was until I came across it this weekend.
So I picked a couple of episodes that had guests I wanted to hear from, and downloaded them. I think I'll end up listening to the whole thing, but I've started with that. And I'm not hugely proud to say I started with a Russell Howard episode because it had Russell Howard. It also had Steve Williams, a guy I know three things about: he's a Welsh stand-up, he appeared in that Comedians' Football video on YouTube (on the non-Avalon team... which might be why I know so little about him), and he wrote on Russell Howard's TV shows.
I will still be annoyingly quick to click on any podcast that has Chocolate Milk Gang person + Russell Howard, because they'll bring out the CMG-type humour that Russell Howard does sometimes, which I still quite enjoy.
It is odd that Russell Howard is still quite near the list of comedians whose voice I've spent the most hours listening to. 125 hours of the BBC 6 Music show with Jon Richardson, plus all his Mock the Week, plus every episode of Good News and nearly every one of The Russell Howard Hour (minus the last few, when I gave up on it after he started throwing in the alt-right stuff) - that adds up. It's all stuff I watched earlier in my time getting into Britcom though, a few years ago. Basically, Taskmaster was the first thing I watched, and Russell Howard was one of my very favourites on Taskmaster (I didn't even know when I first watched season 6 that he was one of the most famous ones, I just knew I found him the funniest and most interesting), so one of the first things I did after that was look up what else he'd done, and it turns out there's a lot. I watched all his stand-up DVDs before I got into most other people's stand-up, when I was mainly watching panel shows - so I quite liked those stand-up DVDs, but I'm pretty sure I was easily impressed by generic charm and would be less impressed if I re-watched them now.
He was also the first British comedian I saw in person, in early 2022 when my then-girlfriend got us tickets because she knew I liked British comedy and saw Russell Howard coming to town and she didn't know that I was mad at Russell Howard for bringing Jordan Peterson on his TV show, and I didn't tell her that because it was a nice gift so we went, and to be completely honest, we had a fantastic time. Did he have the best material in the world? I don't know, probably not? But he had some pretty good material and a lot of fun stage presence and the night felt exciting and electric I hadn't been to in-person comedy besides my local clubs before, and he was a lot of steps up from that (actually that's not quite true, I saw Trevor Noah in an arena in 2019, which was not great). He'd done a bit of local research and talked shit about the truckers who'd recently taken over our city and that got massive cheers from the crowd and then there was one moment when he muttered that even though they'd gone about it badly you had to admit they had a couple of good points, and I thought "Fucking hell Russell do not do this now, for the sake of the 125 hours I spent listening to you talk on the radio in 2007 when you were cool, please just be that guy tonight and don't fucking ruin this", and then he didn't, no more right-wing stuff, just impressions of family members that I probably enjoyed too much.
Russell Howard is actually back in my city this month, he's done one night here a couple of weeks from now. I have to admit I briefly considered getting tickets. I am curious as to what sort of material he's doing these days. Curious as to whether his comedy would hold up, in my eyes, now that I've seen a lot more stand-up (almost definitely not, but I'm curious). Curious as to whether he's turned around the right-ward political drift, or doubled down on it. Though ideally I'd like to find that out in a way where I don't give him money, in case it turns out to be the latter. And I have to admit... okay, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have bought a ticket anyway, but the thing that made me decide to definitely not buy a ticket is I remembered that I read somewhere he had a kid earlier this year. So the show will presumably be about that, and I don't want to hear that. Yesterday I watched John Kearns' The Varnishing Days and thought that was absolutely brilliant, earlier this year Anne Edmonds released her special Why Is My Bag All Wet and I found that hilarious, and a few months ago I heard Josie Long do an hour-long WIP that I loved. All three of those stand-up shows were about the comedians' kid(s), and it is so unlikely that I'm going to find four parenthood-based stand-up shows in one year that I like, given my general aversion to the topic. I realize it's not great that the threat of parenthood material put me off a show even more than the threat of right-wing material, but I just can't listen to another person tell me how tiring it is to raise a baby.
Anyway. I was trying to think, today, of why I keep being interested in hearing Russell Howard talk even though I know he's not that great, and it occurred to me today that of all the British comedians, Russell Howard's the one who's most like most people I know in real life. I've written lots before about which comedians' personas or material most remind me of myself, and of course I like those, everyone likes some relatable comedy. I almost never find Russell Howard relatable (except sometimes on Taskmaster, when the ruthlessly competitive side came out, which was what made me like him so much in the first place), but he does strongly remind me of so many people I know, just overall, in a broad variety of ways.
I've pointed out some of those individual ways before. I knew that part of why I got so drawn into that BBC 6 Music radio show is it reminded me of a couple of my own friendships that strained and/or disintegrated in the same ways as whatever the hell the Jon Richardson/Russell Howard relationship went through on live radio for a couple of years, with me being and OCD obsessive like Jon Richardson (not using the term in the annoyingly quirky colloquial way there, I've got a diagnosis and also have several disintegrated friendships to prove it is not just a fun quirk) and Russell Howard reminding me of some of my more carefree and easily distracted and sunny-dispositioned friends. Russell Howard's vague right-ward political drift is a pattern that I'm sure I'm one of many people who's seen it play out lots in real life from the last ten years, when you know someone who's otherwise cool and then suddenly they're telling you that actually, if you'd just stop and actually read Jordan Peterson's books and consider what he's saying, you'd realize he has some pretty interesting insights that could benefit us all. And you wonder if they've changed suddenly, or if they were always like that and you never really knew them. For comedians who are all desperately seeking ground that hasn't been covered 10,000 times for their material (yes, we all know that raising a baby is hard, we've heard it before), I think the "friend goes right-wing an you wonder if whether they've changed or whether you never really knew them" phenomenon happens far more often than it's been talked about; there's an area of life that's been disproportionately under-covered. Though it maybe it doesn't happen all that often to comedians, what with the liberal bubble and all. That mythical liberal bubble that sounds like such a lovely place to live. It must have happened to some comedians, though. The ones who hang out with Russell Howard, for a start.
Anyway, I found Russell Howard's ComCom episode absolutely fascinating, it's one of my favourite episodes of that podcast. He talks in ways I've rarely heard comedians talk, but that people I know talk all the time. He talked about destructive obsession with self-improvement, in a way that sounded more like an athlete than an artist. The type of athlete mentality that's the reason why so many people I know end up slipping down the Jordan Peterson rabbit hole. And approached several topics with the sort of shoulder chip and hard-headed attitude that I'd expect to see on my own Facebook feed full of athletes, far more than I'd expect it on a podcast about an Art. I've spent many years as a nerd among jocks, and I find it interesting to listen to Russell Howard describe himself as sort of the opposite of that.
Anyway, absolutely none of that was the point of this post. I mean, I guess it's the point now, but I really did not sit down to write that stuff today. I sat down to write this because I wanted to say, I was picking out a few little episodes of Andy Zaltzman's summer of sport to listen to, and I was drawn to the Russell Howard one in spite of myself, because Russell Howard + Andy Zaltzman = Chocolate Milk Gang, and I was not disappointed on that front, as while they were discussing the diving event at the Rio Olympics, Russell Howard said something that is damn close to be exactly what I've written on my blog before:
I have described the Zaltzman/Oliver dynamic in those terms so many times, there's just no way to capture it without comparing it to a sport. Two people who were doing something so far outside the box that their stuff wouldn't fit with anyone except each other, and yet with each other, they're like teammates who are perfectly calibrated to know exactly where the other will go every time and therefore push each other to higher levels.
...That was the point of this post. I just wanted to share that audio clip and say "Look, some Chocolate Milk Gang discussion, and Russell Howard described Zaltzman/Oliver the same way I did." Not really sure what the point was of the several paragraphs ruminating on the nature/draw of Russell Howard up there. Just forget about those.
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I JUST GOT MY CoE!!!
(like just now now)
they still didn't tell me when my training date is, where my hotel is, when i can check in to the hotel, or APPARENTLY how long I'll be staying
(my contract says 1 year, but the CoE says 3years,, so idk what to put on the application , if they dont answer by Friday I'll just put 3years, then i wont get in trouble if i do renew the contract but it wont be an issue if i only stay 1 year)
im NOT buying another hotel if i can help it, SO i do wanna know when i can check into the training hotel so i can buy my plane ticket for that day and put that as the arrival date on the application, according to maps and reddit the shinkansen is only a few hours to the city i need to be in from the airport, so im taking that instead of doing a layover in japan,,
so i need to know WHEN i can check in so i can do the math to know WHAT flight to take, and since im technically losing a day across time zones, thats going to be hard for me since normal time math is ALREADY hard for me
i already have the passport photos, i already have the envelopes, i already made the shipping labels (just gotta print them), i already signed the disclaimer (gotta print), I already filled out the application minus those 2 things im not sure about (and gotta print),,
so my plan is to go to the library and print all the stuff at once, and sign it at the library, then go from there to the post office to drop it off, and then from there back home (shit has to be planned when you don't have a car and public transit only comes once every 2hrs)
the CoE is valid for 3 months from tonight, so im HOPING they want me there the last week of june or mid july so i can pack up my apartment, call my bank, get an esim card for my phone company (this is the only phone number I had my WHOLE LIFE and I don't wanna lose it so i MIGHT pay for international data to keep it), take care of my pets, break my lease unfortunately, get a transit card (apparently you can buy them online BEFORE going to Japan and have it shipped to you),
and quit my new job i JUST started last week unfortunately,, ive only done training so i dont even think i can put it on my resume, HOWEVER, i did pass CPR + baby CPR so i can put that on my resume if they have the certificate on file (idk if they filed it yet)...but if i have another month, I'll be able to have childcare IN A SCHOOL experience (asst teaching)
ig i WONT be able to save up to pay off my credit card, or get my hair braided, and i WONT be able to afford business class like i wanted,, i just hope i get a window seat, i WILL NOT sit in the middle if i can avoid it, i also dont want an isle seat just in case i sit next to somebody who doesn't speak English and they feel nervous about asking me to move so they can use the toilet... i really dont wanna talk to ppl like that
i also also need to look for headphones with a type c connector, because i heard those exist,, my Bluetooth headphones dont work very well on airplanes and i MISS wired headphones severely (i WILL NOT take them out of the box until im at the airport tho, i WILL NOT risk losing them before the flight, as i tend to do)
i also also also need to go through my music library and delete the songs i always skip and add in the new ones ive been playing on repeat via YouTube, im NOT paying for plane wifi , i also x3 need to figure out how to download Libby books like PDFs since i cant use libby outside of America and i want to keep reading books on the flight
ig im un-makeovering my apt tomorrow, time to put doors back on hinges and remove contact paper and fill in nail holes and everything,, it took me like 3days to do everything up and i did it with a butter knife instead of a screwdriver, so it should take less time to undo it with my new electric screwdriver ,, i think my sister is going to try and steal my bedframe, shes already laid dibs on the couch
they BETTER NOT charge me ANY fees considering i paid a TRIPLE deposit to move in here without a cosigner and thats the whole point of a deposit
anyways i got a lot to do tomorrow, so i gotta go to bed at a REASONABLE HOUR, NOT 2AM
and if anybody wants to help me pay off my $1400 credit card bill (ive been using it to pay rent and buy groceries since nobody wants to hire me, unemployment is only enough to pay the minimum + my phone bill so i dont get late fees)
here are my PayPal and cashapp,, im not good at art AT ALL, but if yall want commissions for something so that i can earn the money (i can only do traditional art), I'll do that too,, or i can proofread something? creative writing is actually my forte believe it or not
anyways
cashapp: https://cash.app/$firellily
(the pfp is a pic of my cat)
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When your brain refuses to function with the same strategy everyday
I've recently finished writing my dissertation after 3.5 months, so am still just about living in academic mode. Unfortunately one thing I haven't seen people who struggle with executive functioning talk about as much is the fact that I can find a strategy that completely clicks with me and works perfectly, but then won't even help me get five minutes of work done the next day. So, I'm gonna slowly build a masterlist!
This was originally supposed to be specifically about how to find the right music to function with but might as well broaden it out a bit. If anyone has any strategies/music/website recommendations that work particularly well for them, let me know and I'll be happy to add them!
Music
Lofi Girl Livestream - Starting with the obvious one, but it's well-known for a reason! The song styles remain consistent enough to not get distracted by changed while still being different enough to keep the brain working, people are constantly in the live chat so there's an element of bodydoubling, and it's a livestream so you don't have to worry about changing songs partway through work. Plus if lofi hip hop's not your thing, they have a synthwave version too.
There's a platypus controlling me but it's lofi (1hr edition) - Getting a bit weirder now, I will admit, but I stand by this one 100%! At least once in every assessment period I will have it set to loop and playing for a full day. If instrumental music leaves too much room in your brain to be distracted, this one usually does the trick. The first couple of rounds might seem more distracting than it's worth but half an hour in, you'll be golden!
Mario Kart Double Dash Full OST - This doesn't specifically have to be Mario Kart Double Dash, but it is a fun one! Basically just think of a game that makes you feel nostalgic or comforted or happy, see if there's a full OST for it and hopefully it'll help. Other soundtracks I'm a fan of using are Danganronpa 2 and Professor Layton, but it depends what kind of speed/genre you prefer.
Minecraft but it's raining - Kinda similar to the previous one but this time it's particularly peaceful OSTs with extra sounds on top! The one linked is the video I use the most but it's the same few songs repeated over and over for 10 hours so depends whether you work better with repetition or variation. There's also an Animal Crossing one here.
8D Lofi Girl (2hrs) - If normal lofi and added rain isn't cutting it, 8D might be the way to go! Since the music is constantly changing direction it adds a bit more interest to your brain. It's only 2 hours long but there do seem to be a fair few others on YouTube so shouldn't be too difficult to turn into a playlist or queue.
I'm Still Standing - Just the song. I just put it on loop and for some reason it sometimes works. Pick whichever song you want for this, though maybe keep it for final day crunches and be prepared to never be able to listen to the song again outside of work.
Websites and Apps
Forest - The main programme I've been using this time around! You set a timer and choose a tree, and every time you complete a time period of work without going on one of the apps/websites on your blocklist, another tree is added to your forest. It comes as both a Firefox Addon and an app, which can either be used synchronised or separately. Be warned, if you do want to synchronise them, you'll need to buy the premium version of the app, but it's a one-time payment of ÂŁ3.89, so if it's something you can afford, it can be really useful.
Noisli - A mix of background noise and generally useful features, this one's a website and an app. It has lots of different background noises and you can mix and match them to make your ideal work setting. There's also a timer and space to type within the website if you don't want to move outside of it during work!
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hey! this is chance & hereâs this weekâs prompt. what websites or resources do you use while you write or develop a character/story? what do you think of them and would you recommend them?
hi chance!! tysm for the ask, this is such a kind and fun thing for you to be doing đ
i have a LOT of resources to talk about with regard to this prompt. i'm actually planning in-depth posts for almost all of these, but for now i'll list out the things i absolutely cannot live without when developing a story.
websites
Random Generators. i have literally been to hundreds of random generator sites over the years, and they have become an absolutely invaluable resource for generating ideas, whether it's for a character name or a complete adventure. one of my all-time favorites, Chaotic Shiny, introduced me to the concept of NaNoWriMo and thus the writing community at large! i'd also recommend Seventh Sanctum and, as i'm sure everyone's already familiar, FantasyNameGenerators.com. each website is completely independent, some are still being updated to this day, and they each have a different Vibe to them so all three can be used depending on what kind of ideas you want to spark at the moment. HIGHLY recommend this unrestrained summer fun.
Springhole.net. this is kind of an expansion on the above, because there are some fantastic random generators on this site, but there's so much more here, too. in-depth advice for character development, worldbuilding, writing in general...it's great. and criminally underrated!
Susan Dennard's newsletter. Susan Dennard is the author of the Witchland series, among other things, and she's been keeping a long-running advice newsletter for writers for a LONG time. she's traditionally published and often has some great insight into the publishing world as well as just generally really good tips for writers of any stage. i'm not personally a fan of her books, but i am a fan of her advice. <3
YouTube. ok. hear me out. this could be for a few different things. i find it kind of fun to see how other writers tackle the writing process, so i'll watch writing vlogs every now and then--Kate Cavanaugh Writes is by far THEE best channel out there for this. her videos are excellently edited, her joy of writing is contagious, and she does a lot of fun and inspiring writing challenges! i often get bored watching people just stare at a camera and talk for 30 minutes straight, but her videos are Absolutely not like that so they're really easy to watch.
but even if you're not into vlogs, did you know that there's a whole subset of (mostly Japanese) YouTubers who make royalty free music and just like...post it? and it's GOOD? like genuinely?? go check out PeriTune right now and thank me later. i'm one of those writers that NEEDS music to write and develop characters so PeriTune (and the others that will eventually get recommended to you the more you watch their videos GHNGDFHG) makes the perfect background music for scenes, locations, characters, etc. and did i mention it's insanely good for being 100% free?
this isn't a resource for development, per se, but i can't recommend 4thewords enough. it's an online word processor that turns writing into an RPG: battle monsters by writing words during a certain time limit, and then complete quests with the loot you earn from your battles! there's a free 30 day trial for new users, and if you're participating in NaNoWriMo, the devs usually put coupons for free writing time during those months, so if you're not constantly in need of drafting several words at once, you really don't have to spend a cent. though 4thewords IS independently owned and developed by a wonderful team of writers who are very inclusive, so i do recommend supporting them if you can. :-) one month starts at $4, and if you use my referral code IRZVE23798 you and i both get free "crystals" that count toward subscription time <3
books/publications
there are two writing craft books i need EVERYONE to read, regardless of medium. Damn Fine Story by Chuck Wendig, and 27 Essential Principles of Story by Daniel Joshua Rubin. this is not the writing advice you've heard before. this is not elitist, prescribed advice. these are two books that will change the way you THINK about story, no matter how experienced you are. i am ALWAYS consulting these books. they live on my desk permanently.
Writer's Digest. i will admit to being subscribed to this magazine (and Poets & Writers), and for good reason! each bi-monthly issue is full of insider information about the publishing industry, creative writing prompts, and great food for thought about the craft. even if you can't/don't want to subscribe to the magazine, their website is full of great articles to get the inspiration flowing.
Publishers Weekly. i just check their website out periodically, to get a pulse on what's getting published these days, and by whom. if you want to be traditionally published, it's ALWAYS a good idea to understand the trends of the industry; plus, reading reviews on PW is a great way to find books to read that you might not have found otherwise.
and finally, of course, if you want to write, you have to read. like. i cannot stress this enough. find books that speak to you. reading others' work is essential to finding out what kind of techniques, tropes, characterizations, etc you LIKE as well as DON'T like. some people don't like reading in their genre for fear of accidentally plagiarizing, but i'm in the camp that NEEDS to read in my genre to get the right words into my brain so i can spit them all back later. no matter how or why you read, though, you gotta do it. even if it's just one novel that you read over and over again to keep getting inspired. GO TO YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY. thank you.
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This is just a personal ramble about some of the bands I've gotten kinda deeply into over the past few years.
I feel like my experience of becoming a fan of Big Country is right in-between my experience of becoming a Pearl Jam fan and becoming a Sleater-Kinney fan, which is weird, I know, but I can explain: when I first started listening to Pearl Jam, over the first few months I slowly listened to their first three albums, and then it took me at least a year (actually, I think it was practically exactly two years) after that to listen to anything else by them, but I listened to those first three albums (the songs I liked on them, anyway - which has generally not changed) consistently for that entire time and stubbornly did not feel the need to listen to anything else by them or become a bigger fan; when I started listening to Sleater-Kinney, I think it took me only a couple months or so to exhaust their discography (and then of course I got the chance to see them live just a little over a year later; BUT WITHOUT JANET, WHICH I AM STILL SAD AND SALTY ABOUT even though the show was still great), and since finally giving them a chance in 2018 I've continued to listen to them on a frequent basis (although this year, I think I've only listened to them about 6 times a month, whereas for 2018-2022 I listened to them on a weekly basis...now it's slightly less than that, but when I do go to listen to them again I go 'oh wait fuck, I gotta hear...' hence the less than weekly basis, but still more than only a few times a month); now, as I'm discovering Big Country (discography, history, band members), I think it's been like 7-8 months or so since I listened to their first album, and I've only listened up to their fifth album as of today, but I'm, once again, consistently listening to their first three albums anyway. Like, this is not a speedrun like with S-K, but it's not quite the slow acclimation I took to Pearl Jam with, either...I don't know what it is yet. But I'm still very, very content to just listen to Big Country's first three albums, so maybe I'll hold off on listening to any others for awhile, although I am also (differently from many other bands and artists I get into) really enjoying watching some of their '80s concerts* that are on Youtube, so...yeah, maybe I'll just be content with that for a bit. Or maybe I'll get into them even more soon! I don't know. I'm just posting this here for posterity, because it's interesting to me what happens when I become a fan of someone new to me.
One last add-on...I also just realized that my fandom trajectory might actually be explained by these simple ideas: as far as I've heard so far, in my mind, Pearl Jam and Big Country became 'worse' (less exciting/innovative) as time wore on, so maybe I did and am kind of dragging out my experience of listening to their music because I consciously already know that and want to stave off the disappointment longer, but Sleater-Kinney got progressively better as they released more albums (and No Cities to Love, their "comeback" album after breaking up/being on hiatus, is one of their best in their whole discography) up until The Center Won't Hold (although I love that album), so I had to keep listening to more of their albums to hear the best stuff.
Huh. Haha. What an interesting thing to realize/think about. Thank god almost no one is going to read that because I really don't want anon hate for saying PJ or BC got worse or how I effectively compared them to S-K and that I am overall suggesting that S-K is better than either of them. lol A conversation I'm sure no one is ready to have! So neither am I!
#crystal visions of lilies in the valley#random rambling#*I think it's just great luck that quite a few of their concerts were professionally shot and are available to watch online AND#they were just a fucking stellar live band so...yeah very much enjoying :')
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thank you bestie @cajolions for the tag!!
Tag someone you want to get to know better! Or just check in with. Fall's a busy time of year.
Favorite color: red!! this is because i was obsessed with cirque du freak as a kid and mr. crepsley's favorite color is red so i said mine was too but genuinely i do like it a lot lol
Last song: umm i really only listen to music when i'm driving (i just got a "new" car and bluetooth is a game changer tbh. yes i am ten years late to any technology advancement)...i wanna say it was poor child from the wild party
Last movie: i almost never watch movies so i have been wracking my memory to try to figure this out. i'm pretty sure it was titanic a few months ago when my roommates were trying to find it online. so i lent them my dvd and stuck around to watch with them
Currently watching: star trek lower decks, call the midwife s11 (and apparently s12 just hit netflix so i'm really behind now oops), and i'm about to start the new taskmaster season while i have lunch! (or not, apparently it's not on youtube until 4pm and my usual alternate site isn't working. tragic.) oh, and my covid-induced saddle club rewatch that i need to go back to LOL
Other stuff I watched this year: i have not been super on the ball with media this year to be honest- i just haven't had much motivation for it. i'm always watching star trek so i guess strange new worlds and picard were both airing this year? i don't remember when the last taskmaster season was out? i've definitely watched assorted stuff on disney+ too (strange world and howard are the major ones i remember)
Shows I dropped this year: i don't think i've dropped any because i haven't really...started any...although dr who is making a return soon i guess and i'm genuinely not sure if i'll bother to watch it or not (though rtd2 has me so intrigued...what kind of trainwreck will we get and will it be funny)
Currently reading: i've actually been reading more than watching stuff this year! feels good. currently i'm on a gathering of shadows which is from some new adult series a coworker recommended- definitely not high art (and i'm annoyed that book 2 is starting to push the het romance that i was so relieved never went anywhere in book 1) but it's a fun magical world to read about without having to put too much thought into. i've also been reading the heart of our cities insanely slowly for the last year and i'm partway through a chronicles of narnia (re)read because i never read all of them in order as a kid. and technically i was reading game of thrones book 2 but it's just so fucking long i could not summon the willpower to continue, but i might go back to it eventually
i'm tagging @hot-cocoa-daydream and if anyone else reads all this and wants to pretend i tagged you feel free lmao
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I was curious, are you in any fandoms? Or in general like a thing a lot.
oooohkay so. I'm not in any fandoms really, I don't watch online media enough to really say I'm in a fandom
HOWEVER
I am a HUGE science nerd. Especially about biology. I am constantly researching animals and their behavior especially with ocean animals and reptiles. I also really love insects. I'm planning to have a reptile/insect keeping room one day because I love them so much. I have literally told my girlfriend I rather have a blue tegu than a dog. I don't really like furry things all that much if I'm being honest, I relate a lot more to the types of animals people claim are unable to love. Like yeah they probably don't get the burst of oxycotin that humans get about things, but getting a lizard or snake to trust you enough to be held without pitching a fit is amazing!! They're demonized so much in media and I adore them. My main special interest is also sharks so take that for what you will. I relate a little too much to animals that people make out to be "evil".
I also have a big interest in psychology. My brain is ten different levels of fucked so I kinda like doing research into how brains normally function or hell, even how my brain functions. Like the fact that people with schizophrenia are (I think) 80% more likely to experience insomnia than the average person! I just thought I was bad at sleeping but no there's a reason for it! But I'm also a big fan about the science behind human sexuality. I won't get too into the facts of it cuz a lot of it is NSFW, but looking a the science behind getting it on and how it affects the brain and how fetishes and kinks form, ITS SO COOL. I also collect vintage erotica and gay porn because of this gkjdkjlkfldkgl.
I also just generally have a big love for queer history, learning about the aids crisis and the struggles that our community has faced but also just the fact that we've ALWAYS been here... It makes me feel less alone.
And like the last main thing I'm into is spirituality type stuff. I'm actually a certified pagan priest irl, but my disabilities and life circumstances have made me need to take a really big step back from the work I've been doing. But I've always fueled my work in this with the fact I have seen SO MANY people do it the wrong way, that I want to be a guiding force in doing it the right way.
Besides that, I'm really big into the punk anarchist scene, I like the vulture culture community on tumblr here and have a few specimens myself, I build legos and models a lot, I like art (obviously), I'm learning how to do leather, metal, and wood working, and also building costumes or restoring old clothes/shoes. I like music and singing a lot now that my voice has dropped from testosterone, I play Minecraft and the Sims a lot in my free time, I'm not big on video games but I'm trying to get into TF2 again. I'm getting pretty good at the Pokemon Trading Card Game, as well as Magic the Gathering (Magic is much slower than Pokemon TCG if I'm being honest, that game is complicated.)
To be honest most of what I watch on youtube is documentaries, food reviews, and reddit videos, haven't found any youtubers I'm particularly into. Honestly, I spend most of my time scrolling through tumblr and listening to rock music because I'm two weeks away from finally getting to go home after getting stuck in Texas for seven months and I'm kinda stuck in wait mode. Hopefully once I'm back in Chicago, I'll be doing a lot more hobby wise. I might even share some of it here if I get my old camera back.
But yeah, that was a big old ramble, I know it's weird for me to be on the fandom website and not be in any fandoms but it honestly takes a LOT for me to get into series of any kind. 100% of the series or fandoms I'm "into" it just cuz I have an alter from their source. Either way I hope this accurately answered your question! I appreciate being sent stuff a lot!
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I would love to send you links! (Apologies for the length of this ask btw. I get excited about music).
So this is actually one of my favorite sets of their's on youtube because the sound quality isn't ass and the first vid has a shot from the side so you can see Joe's hands
https://youtu.be/9qIQzJGUS8M
https://youtu.be/Pi8LkerwcHI
Unforch, they didn't film the whole set so The Ringleader is absent. Which is a bummer cause there's a part of the song that Joe always plays by jumping onto, and then steping on, his keyboard (and then he would fall over)
If you wanna get into TVF, I would recomend listening the second half of their first album first (which sounds weird but like, it's a concept piece that flows together)
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1x4ivXaXMYdjspC7II4Kgj?si=ht9V6VzgTCiRFTiw5tPogQ
Then here's the last song they ever released, it's not on Spotify and it's one of my faves
https://thevenetiafair.bandcamp.com/track/death-is-the-poor-mans-doctor
As for getting into AVE, I think it's worth giving their album listen through at least once. It's got some fun tracts. However, it's.... I mean Will, Mario, and Jon were 19, 18, and 17 respectively when it came out. It sounds very good considering, but they've all grown as musicians since then. (Also should be noted, none of them get money for any of the spotify streams or bandcamp sales)
hi oh my god i am so so sorry for taking forever to answer this. but i do have a fun little surprise for you!
yeah the venetia fair is one of my favourite bands ever now, and i have to attribute it to you. i probably would've listened to them eventually, but you gave me the push i needed to start. otherwise i would've ended up discovering them a year later, or even further on.
after i received this ask, i listened to ESDTWGIOB and got absolutely obsessed. i have never found an artist that speaks to me as truly has tvf does. i sat on that for a few months (very bad at getting into music).
a few weeks ago, i decided to finally listen to the circus, because with the way my tvf interest was headed, i could not put it off any longer. i put it on, got overwhelmed (as you do), and listened to the whole thing.
it's one of my favourite albums now. my favourite currently, for sure. i literally cannot go a day without listening to it.
so i have a loooooot to thank you for. thank you for the links, thank you for the recs, and thank you for helping me find one of my favourite bands!
oh fuck i gotta talk about death is the poor man's doctor HOLY SHITTTTTT you were right that song is INCREDIBLE. i am so pissed that it's not on spotify. it makes me wonder the direction tvf could've taken if they followed through with the genre that song promised. it's whatever!! im fine about it. what matters is that i love the song and it's so special to me.
also never apologise for the length of the ask! i know it took me so long to answer, but that's my personal brain block talking. i love music so much and i love when people talk about their passions.
one last thank you, and a plea for us to be friends; i don't have many (if any) friends into tvf and you seem like you know a lot and have been around for a while. mutuals? <3
thank you for everything!
p.s. maybe one day i'll get into AVE. i'm working my way up to it.
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well, things have been weird... I think depression and anxiety has been hitting me hard this past week to the point of like chest pain, i think I'm very familiar with heartache lmao. I'm a senior now, finally made it to year 6 in med school, and currently in my first rotation, i don't know how to feel about that other than fear of my own incompetence and failure to compensate for it because I'm just so exhausted..
As for writing, i haven't done any for like close to at least 1 year, nothing, even poetry has been sparse, maybe max of 3 this whole year. It's like slow torture... it's like the first death described in black swan. I've been trying to plan a novel, but all i have is Pinterest boards for characters and a main idea of a plot and it doesn't seem that this year I'll be able to give it time because it's hectic and important and i also have my damn research on thalassemia patient's quality of life and whatnot.
Loneliness is suffocating as well, I don't know what to do with it, i blame it on adulthood and maturity, hell im 23 yet i feel like i have the loneliness of a vampire watching every loved one fade. there's not much to do about it. everyone's busy and i hate human connection as much as i crave it.
I thought by now you'd have relocated btw because it's been a while that you've been talking about it, also didn't you go back for masters or is my timeline of events wrong cuz trust me I don't even remember my name these days
hi friend đ¤
iâm sorry about the anxiety and depression. i certainly understand how hard both are to deal with. anything you can do to get even a little bit of relief? is therapy an option for you?
congratulations on making it to your senior year! thatâs a wonderful accomplishment! i watch a few med student youtubers, and iâm so impressed by everything that you all do. itâs a fuck ton of work. is school a major catalyst for the anxiety and depression for you or more so other things you mentioned like human connection/loneliness? everything?
even if your plans for the book arenât as far along as you were hoping theyâd be, i still think itâs really cool that there are ideas dancing around in your head. they wonât just disappear either, so you can always dive back in when it feels right and the writing is coming. youâll have to keep me updated on this. i feel you on the writing thing. iâve finally been able to do some writing again after months of shitty work, but the longer itâs missing, the crazier us writers feel. i hope it comes back to you sooner rather than later. a year is a long time. idk if iâd ever write without music. itâs such a huge source of inspiration for me.
oh god⌠the loneliness. iâm so touch starved that i donât know what to do with myself. a huge part of me wishes i could erase my dating experience last year bc absences following what that little supernova gave me are apparent as hell. i feel like my isolation from covid never really ended, and iâm still trying to move out of it and form friendships in closer proximity. hating human connection and craving it at the same timeâfelt. i consistently feel like i have to be a better version of myself first, but will i ever meet a version iâm satisfied with? there are always mental hurdles to navigate. do you have any friends in your med school program?
your last paragraph pierced my heart a little bit bc i too thought iâd be in a different city by now. i lasted in my grad program for three months. it was horrible. i took a class last summer, and i knew pretty early on that it was the wrong choice, but i still started the fall semester. i wanted to give it a sincere shot and not make a rash decision (i convinced myself it was rash but it was really my gut saying important things lol). maybe in the future iâll go back to school and do something completely different. i kind of want to get an english degree, but the idea of doing another bachelorâs feels strange. i wanted to double major originally but didnât. for now, iâm working a remote job i hate and constantly job searching for something else. iâm passionate about community engagement work and environmental justice, hoping iâll find something. i still want to move to chicago. iâll be there in september, and iâm hoping my time there will solidify feelings and desires about relocating.
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2024
Hi, whoever is reading this, I'm back after a huge, I don't even know what to call it, other than major depressive episode? coupled with severe anxiety, and physical issues that manifested due to stress. The end of 2023 and beginning of 2024 has been really rough for me. Many days feeling lifeless. Feeling like I don't want to be here anymore, in pain, heartbroken, and as though my life doesnât matter.
It's April now, and although my physical and mental health has gotten better, I still struggle most days to believe in myself, or believing I'm worthy of my dreams because they're so -out there. Well, compared to my peers and family members. Or, even having any motivation at all, which is how I feel most of the time. Existing alone these days/months/year has felt exhausting. But here I am, and here we are.
Today, I've reflected, I am still not in a place where I want to be. And I feel like I can no longer go back to my old dreams/goals my younger self had once envisioned. Because they were made at a different time of my life. When my life felt, looked, and even I, was different.
I feel as though after everything, those goals no longer align with who and where I am today. So I made new goals for myself. Which I'll post/share here with you all for accountability, so here we go!
My new 2024 goals:
Be more active, and pick up a physical activity that I can stick to, that will help me tone up and get in shape. (going up the stairs and running even 3 mins is hard for me atm).
With that, I'd love, love, love to get back into dancing. I miss dancing dearly. In my earlier years, when my best friend was my dancing partner, and I had gotten past the shy phase, I would be able to be the first on the dance floor, center-stage, and I remember everything becoming a blur. It was just me, my body, the music, the feeling, and my friend of course. In those moments, nothing mattered. Just me, and I felt happy. Of course, being young, I did experience getting creeped on/inappropriately touched, so I have some fear getting back into it/getting out there in a way I'll feel safe? But maybe a start is to go out with friends I trust.
Pass my Leed v4 exam (due to mental/physical health, school and work it felt impossible). But, now that I'm on leave, and have gotten better, I want to get back to it!
Be more active on social media. Specifically, post more on here and Youtube. (I was posting on YouTube regularly a little more over a year ago, but stopped and deleted everything due to the depression/anxiety/low self-esteem and s. ideation.) Once I get my channel running again, I'll post/link my videos onto here.
Sing more on tik-tok. (Posted a few singing videos last summer and seemed to have gotten a good response on there, but have taken most down due to low self-esteem again) ready to give it a shot again despite still not feeling super confident. I don't want to think too much about what I post and just post for funsies!
Big goal of mine for this month and the next is securing a remote part-time job. (That I can hopefully sustain during college).
Last one, a bit shy to share this one, but move out. I'm 23 currently. Turning 24 in August. And before I turn 25, I'd like to be able to move out into my own space and finally experience living / growing on my own in my 20s. Currently, the situation here at home with family has gotten a little toxic, draining and suffocating. And in conclusion, I feel like moving out will help my life feel less stagnant, and more in my own hands and my own terms. It will be scary, as an only child raised by a single-mother, it will be difficult for us to part ways for a bit. But, I want to show myself and my mom I can do it. And I want her and me to be proud if I'm able to. make it on my own.
That's all for now :) Already feeling much better typing out those goals. Maybe, my last personal one, is to get sleep! These past months, sleep have been a huge issue for me, where too often, I'll go two days without sleeping, and often, crashing during the middle of the day. I know it's stress that's probably causing this. So, hope I can find a way to fix this soon.
Hope anyone who has read all the way here, is having a good day or will have a good day! Thank you truly for reading. And for being here.
Love,
Angelica
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