#so i’m very happy to have made this kind of progress

[hauntxd]

sat down tonight and read over 100 pages of a book and i’m so proud of myself

[reidalert]

IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY | spencer.reid

| spencer reid & fem!reader 3.1k words

| content: a case has you feeling helpless and guilty, and no matter who consoles you, nothing helps. maybe all you need is to take a break, but what if the break is being risky with dr. reid?

| warnings: mentions of death/kidnapping, flashback to the case, reader feeling vulnerable

| author’s note: i haven’t written in a longgg time and boy does it feel good to finally get these words out of my head. it feels like a privilege to get my writing spark back & i can’t wait to share all my ideas with you. i hope you enjoy reading <3

feedback and comments are highly appreciated!

You have thick skin.

Well, that’s what you say to anyone who asks if you’re okay.

But after today? After this case? You’re not sure if that’s true anymore. You don’t get affected easily, not when it comes to blood and gore. You’ve homed in on keeping your reactions and feelings at bay when it comes to that… but what happened out there? It’s made you feel helpless.

You knew from the minute JJ briefed you back at the BAU that this case was something you hadn’t dealt with before. Even Agent Hotchner had asked if you wanted to sit this one out.

But you said no. You wanted to get more experience to become a better profiler and a better agent. And it came at a cost.

You feel like an outsider. Like you’re watching yourself from an outside perspective as you go through airport security. The endless whir of machines and planes landing and taking off in the background do nothing for the thoughts racing in your mind.

You’re the last to be cleared and you know the others are watching you. Their eyes burning through your skin and doing what they do best. Profiling.

You don’t meet their gaze. You know as soon as you make eye contact with one of them, they’ll be asking you questions and it’ll make you torture yourself about whether you’re fit for this job. So, you make your way through the long and endless corridors until you’re at the gate for the jet.

The dull whirring of the jet engines helps you zone out. The leather seats are a cool comfort to your heated self.

Logically, it would make sense to let them know you’re not doing okay and that you need some time to yourself. But who are you kidding? You’re a thick skinned woman who can do anything… so you’ve made them believe.

You’re sitting on the farthest seat in the jet, right in the corner away from everyone else. You can’t deal with the questions you know they’re going to ask you.

But apparently, that doesn’t stop Agent Hotchner from taking the seat opposite you.

“I know what you’re gonna say.” You break the silence but continue staring out the oval window. The city lights below turn smaller and smaller as you progress through the flight.

“And what’s that?” Agent Hotchner asks. You’re not happy he’s here, invading your little self-pity bubble, but you do appreciate the way he keeps his voice quiet.

You shrug. “That something has upset me. Or that I’m too in my head about this case. Along those lines, anyway.”

Agent Hotchner regards you for a moment. You can feel his eyes staring at the side of your face as you purposefully stay looking out the window.

Because you know the second you make eye contact with him, he’ll see what’s going through your head. And he can’t.

“I gathered something was wrong.” His voice is low, a nice baritone that doesn't annoy you. “I know when someone in my team is different. And you’re different.”

You fight back the scoff that’s threatening to spill. “And what is that supposed to mean, Agent Hotchner?”

“Just…” he sighs. You’re very similar to Spencer Reid; in a way that you both struggle to admit when you need help. “If something is bothering you, I am here to listen.”

“Who says something is bothering me?” You kind of regret asking that question as you know damn well he’s about to go into an explanation of how he can see you’re upset.

He sits up a little straighter, hands clasped over his crossed knees. “You’re avoiding eye contact with me, your knuckles have turned white from how hard you’re gripping the arm rests—”

“That’s nothing—”

“You’re interrupting me. You don’t like being analysed as it makes you vulnerable. You haven’t eaten anything in the past,” Agent Hotchner checks his watch. “Six hours. Your stomach is warring against your emotions and you don’t like that. You’re sitting in a corner trying to push yourself away from other people.”

“Okay.” You bite out, now finally giving in to looking him dead in the eyes. “You’re a great profiler. No need to showboat.”

“I’m not showboating.”

You roll your eyes, “Sure seems like it.”

A minute or two pass in silence. Agent Hotchner is still staring at you and you feel incredibly small under his gaze. “What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t want you to say anything.” He fixes his shirt cuffs, acting so nonchalant as if he didn’t just profile one of his team members.

You grit your teeth. “Fine. Today messed with my head. That case was… it was wrong. So wrong that I can’t stop thinking about how I could have helped that family.”

Agent Hotchner leans forward, gently placing his hand upon your own on the arm rest. You feel your grip loosen and you fight back a grimace at how cold his hand feels against your warm one. “It’s not your fault. We all know we could have done something different out there, but sometimes the unsub takes a surprise route. Things like this happen and it’s unfortunate, but don’t blame yourself.”

You shrug again, avoiding eye contact once again. “Yeah.”

He stands, pulling his suit jacket to fit more comfortably. “If you need to talk to someone, come to my office.”

You only offer a silent nod in answer.

“Oh, and Agent L/N? Stop calling me Agent Hotchner, Hotch is just fine.” He offers a small smile and you shake your head, going back to staring out the window until your eyes feel too heavy to keep open.

“Why is there so much paperwork?” Your voice comes out all agitated as you rifle through a stupid amount of folders and loose paper.

Emily peeks over the cubicle dividing and raises an eyebrow. “You okay there?”

You sigh, slumping down onto your desk chair, spinning until you’re facing her side of the cubicle. “Do I sound okay to you? Who in their right mind decided to give me the goddamn paperwork for that goddamned case?” You glance around the wide room, trying to find JJ; this has to be her doing.

Emily purses her lips, “Doing paperwork isn’t that bad, Y/N. I mean, I guess there’s a lot but it’ll make the day go by quicker.”

“Oh, please.” You scoff, feeling yourself grow more annoyed by the minute. You know you need to get yourself in check, but the past 24 hours have ridden you like the Grim Reaper is taking jockey lessons in Hell.

“What’s got Little Miss Thick Skin so angry today?” Derek Morgan walks up to your desk, a hot mug of coffee in his hand. A brief thought had you biting your lip— it’d be wrong to spill it on him.

“Don’t start, please.” You rest your elbows on your desk, hands holding either side of your face as you stare at the paperwork. The names of the family you couldn’t save stare right back at you. Your stomach drops and you’re not sure how long you can stay in this office.

“Hey,” Derek places his mug on your desk before crouching down to your eye level. “What’s wrong, girl? If you don’t want to do the paperwork, I can take it off your hands. No big deal.”

You shake your head, “Don’t bother. I’m fine.”

Derek watches your face and you turn your head to look at him. “If you start profiling me, Morgan, I swear to God that coffee mug will end up in a place you really don’t want it.”

Derek chuckles and raises his hands in mock surrender. “Okay, girl. Just tryna help ya out.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t need help. I’m fine.” You scoot your desk chair closer and grab the closest pen, tapping it against the top of your desk to distract you from the fact you have to relive this case just a day later.

You don’t catch it, but Derek and Emily share a knowing look. They’ve seen this before. It’s not hard to notice someone you spend days on end with is struggling.

Derek grabs his mug and pats you on the shoulder. Emily sinks back into her cubicle and makes sure to keep an eye on during the day. If she finds you with smoke coming out of your ears, she’ll go get the fire extinguisher.

Your hand cramps as you write your final notes. The computer screen has turned too bright for your eyes and a headache begins to form behind your eyes. It’s been a long day.

Clicking the pen closed, you lean back against your chair with a deep sigh. You close your eyes just to rest them for a brief moment and scenes from yesterday plague you.

It’s like you can’t escape.

Your heart rate picks up speed. You’re not sure how it turned into a game of cat and mouse, but you’re adamant on putting a stop to it.

“What does he think he’s doing?” You’re standing with your palms pressed against a conference table in a police station in Washington. The projector casts a live shot of the news— a helicopter is chasing after the unsub in a car. The family you’re trying to protect is with him.

“He’s trying to flee.” Agent Rossi says, so matter of factly that it has you turning your attention to him instead.

You squint at him. “You saw this coming, didn’t you?”

He gestures to the screen. “You didn’t?”

“No, I did not.” You grit your teeth, moving so you’re now standing up straight. “I predicted he’d do something out of the blue. We all did. But we didn’t know he was going to kidnap them. That wasn’t part of his game.”

Rossi shrugs, “I’ve been in this job longer than you have, kiddo. It takes experience to know something like this. Don’t blame yourself.”

“What?” You let out a disbelieving scoff. “Listen here old man—”

“That’s enough.” Agent Hotchner cuts through your words, ending your little spat with Rossi. “We’re all here to do a job. So let’s do it.”

Faint footsteps sound behind you. You’re not sure who’s still in the office, but considering how late it is, there’s only a few people that come to mind.

“Hey, what are you doing here so late?” That all too recognisable voice makes your heart swoop. Spencer appears in your line of vision, his man-bag crossed over his torso. He looks ready to leave. “It’s nearly 7PM.”

“Oh.” You glance at the clock mounted on the wall. You didn’t realise that you were doing the paperwork for the Washington case for nearly 10 hours. “Guess I lost track of time.”

Spencer regards you for a minute. “Everything okay?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” You offer a weak smile, not trying to be bitchy to him like you were to the others earlier. You make a mental note to apologise to them tomorrow.

“It’s just— nevermind.” He shakes his head.

Your brows furrow, “No, what is it?”

“Ever since we got on that plane yesterday, you’ve been hostile.” Spencer rocks back and forth on his heels. “I know you don’t like to be profiled, I don’t either, but I know something is wrong.”

You twist in your chair, facing your computer screen with your hands hovering over the keyboard. You don’t want to talk about it, you just want to figure it out on your own.

“Y/N?” Spencer says your name and you look at him over your shoulder. His eyes all sparkly, his cheeks smooth, his lips… perfect.

You blink slowly. Your head isn’t in the right place, but your heart (and hormones) are.

You internally say fuck it and reach for the strap of his man-bag to pull him down to your level. Your breaths mingle and your eyes dart in a triangle from one eye to his lips to his other eye. And lo and behold, the triangle method actually works because Spencer leans in and you feel his lips ghost over your own.

And nothing.

He just stays in that position. Hunched down in your grip, lips mere millimetres away from your own and he doesn’t finish the job.

You breathe in a deep sigh, your senses being filled with his scent. “Why aren’t you kissing me?”

“I— I think it’s because I know you’re not yourself. It feels wrong.” Spencer's breath is minty as it fans over your cheeks and neck. You want to say something snarky, but you know he’s right. “I do want to kiss you, though. I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while now.”

You lean back a little, your eyes staring into his pretty brown ones. You don’t see a sign of a lie and your heart skips a beat. “Would it help if I admitted what’s going on? Would you kiss me then?” God, are you really that desperate to get kissed by Spencer Reid? Yes. Yes you are.

Spencer lowers into a crouch, one hand grips the armrest of your desk chair, whilst the other splays across your knee with a gentle squeeze. “If it helps you, then it’ll help me. Talk to me. Let me inside your pretty head.”

You reach out for his tie, fiddling with it to help your nerves. “You know I don’t like talking about how I feel, but this is something I can’t keep to myself anymore.”

Spencer nods, his hand on your knee giving you another squeeze. But this time in a reassuring way. That’s your go ahead sign to lay it all down.

“That case we did. The family where we couldn’t save them, where I couldn’t save them, keeps replaying in my head and I don’t know what to do to stop it.” You take a breath, your fingers still playing with his tie. “If we got there sooner, I know we could have stopped him from hurting them. From killing them. I feel like if I did or said something right or helpful, I could’ve saved them. I hate feeling like this because I know it isn’t my fault, but I just can’t help but feel guilty.”

Spencer stays quiet, letting your words sink in. “You’re right, it isn’t your fault.”

You sigh, dropping his tie and moving your attention to his face. To his lips.

“I wish I could go back in time and help.” You admit, feeling a small weight lift from your shoulders.

“I wish for that, too.” Spencer admits as well. Both of you find comfort in knowing you feel the same. It makes feeling like this just the little bit easier to deal with. “Thank you for sharing how you feel.”

You let out a small laugh. “Thank you for not dismissing me.”

“I could never dismiss you.” Spencer’s voice is soft and warm. His fingers slowly trail up and down your calf, sending a shiver through your body. “Would you like that kiss now?” The smirk on his lips has your stomach flipping and you want nothing more than for his lips to be on yours.

“I would very much like that kiss now.” You smile at him, leaning in and already feeling your body succumb to him. When your lips meet, you sigh. You’ve missed being able to be physical with him; it’s hard trying to stay colleagues when all you want is to be wrapped up in his arms.

Spencer lets his hands travel— up your thighs, round your back, cheekily up the hem of your dress. You moan lightly into his mouth and he swallows it.

Your hands grab for his collar to deepen the kiss. “More.” You mumble against his lips and he complies. Spencer bites your bottom lip to elicit a gasp from you so he can dive his tongue down your throat with ease.

You feel yourself involuntarily squeezing your thighs to quell the ache forming between your legs. God, you’d do anything to take him home with you right now.

Before you get a chance to start undoing his tie, a loud and clear cough comes from your right.

You stop moving but Spencer keeps going. Trailing open mouthed kisses along your jaw and down your neck, you now get a perfect view of Hotch standing outside his office with his arms crossed. You can’t make out what his face is portraying.

“Spence.” You tug on his collar, but he thinks you want him to go further. You feel his tongue lick a stripe up the column of your neck and you have to fight back a whimper.

You’d die on the spot if you let Aaron Hotchner hear you moaning.

“No. Spencer.” This time you push at his shoulders and the look he gives you makes you feel bad. But if you let him carry on, both of you would never be able to be in Hotch’s presence. Ever.

“Are you okay?” Spencer brushes a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “Did I do something you didn’t like?”

You shake your head, your fingers quickly straightening out Spencer's tie. “I loved it. You were good, but, um…” your eyes drift off to where Hotch is still standing.

It’s as if Spencer was zapped by lightning. He shoots back away from you, and somehow manages to hit every piece of furniture around him. You want to laugh but this situation doesn’t call for laughing. You’ve been caught by your boss making out in the middle of the BAU.

“Reid, L/N. Care to explain?” Hotch moves slowly down the stairs, his aura too strong for you to look him in the eyes right now.

You twiddle your thumbs. “He was just helping me finish this file report from the case yesterday.”

Hotch looks at Spencer, knowing that he’ll blab the truth. “She was upset about not being able to save them and I wanted to help ease her pain and—”

“That’s enough.” Hotch raises a hand. “Since it’s past working hours, I’ll make a one time allowance for this behaviour.”

You have a big sigh of relief and Spencer lets out an audible groan of embarrassment. “Sorry, sir. It won’t happen again.”

“You’re right. It won’t.” Hotch checks his watch and frowns. “I’m late for something. Finish that report and I’ll see you both tomorrow. Behaving correctly.”

You nod your head and Spencer keeps his head down staring at the floor. You watch Hotch leave the office and you finally let out your cringing grimace. “I am so sorry. I didn’t know he was here. I thought he left already.”

“I can’t be mad. I got to kiss the prettiest girl in here.”

“Shut up.”

Copyright credit to @reidalert as of 2024-present.

[lewistoferrari]

kyle seducing the cold detached woman who's levels above his station 😔

yeah so i wrote way too much

want

pairing: kyle garrick x fem!reader cw: third person pov, hints to childhood trauma, therapy is mentioned, smut

it doesn’t help that he has a big fat crush on her. and she knows this, but couldn’t give two fucks.

kyle has never had to work this hard to get someone into his bed. he’d barely turn on the charm and would still have them dropping their panties. but this woman in particular, she made him realize it wasn’t going to be easy and he’d have to work for it.

kyle starts giving her flowers with cute little notes attached and she just chucks them into the trash because, “i don’t like roses, garrick. stop sending me flowers.”

kyle does not listen to her at all though. every bouquet he buys gets thrown away, much to his dismay. she’ll never tell him this, but one day she ended up giving a vase of flowers to one of her girlfriends because they were far too pretty to be in someone’s trash bin. eventually, kyle stops sending flowers and steps his game up.

he starts leaving chocolate on her desk, her favorite brands at that. it’s the fancy and expensive kind too.

at first, the chocolate just sits on her desk untouched. she would rather eat a jean jacket than to admit she finds it kind of cute that kyle refuses to give up. her icy exterior begins to dissolve a little when he starts popping up with snacks, jumbo crossword puzzles, and books for her to read.

“i’m still not entertaining whatever you think is going to happen between us, garrick. keep your delusions to yourself,” she says flatly, but thanks him and accepts his gifts anyway.

kyle just laughs and says, “we’ll see.”

his response bothers her for the rest of the day and she can’t figure out why.

her heart softens even more when her birthday arrives and she’s stuck in her office doing paperwork. she’s absolutely miserable about it, until kyle knocks on her door, her words getting stuck in her throat when she sees the cake and balloons he has for her.

“why would you do all of this!?” she asks hotly, once she’s regained her composure. she doesn’t even know why she’s so upset with him in the first place. he’s just being nice.

“because you deserve it, and you shouldn’t have to spend your birthday alone.”

she wants to rage at him some more. she wants to throw him out and tell him to never come back because somehow he’s managed to worm his way into her heart. she wants to kick him in his shin for making her fall for him. but because she can’t bring herself to do any of that, she lets him stay to sing happy birthday to her.

and if kyle’s visits become more frequent after that, she can’t find it in herself to complain. his presence makes her happy.

kyle can be a very persistent man when he needs to be, but he chooses to believe she’ll change her mind about him eventually. she’s been opening up to him more, and he considers that progress.

he remembers the first time he met her. she was a pretty thing with a no nonsense attitude. he knew he was down bad for this woman when he’d come to her defense whenever he heard people calling her a bitch around base.

and today was no different. she was well aware of the names people called her, but she really didn’t give a shit. “it doesn’t hurt me,” she says to kyle, who’s currently holding a recruit by the collar of his shirt.

he’d been within earshot of the little bastard addressing his soon to be sweetheart by several unpleasant names that made his blood boil.

kyle is more than pissed off, especially after she orders him to let the young recruit go. “you hear the names they call you, the things they say. and yet you do fuck all about it,” he snaps before sighing. he’s not mad at her though. he’s just a little frustrated because she won’t so anything about it. he refuses to believe that nothing bothers her.

she stares at kyle in shock. he’s never spoken to her like this before, and she doesn’t like it one bit. so she tells him to get out.

but unfortunately for her, kyle doesn’t budge. “nah,” he says, before taking a seat on the chair in front of her desk. “i think i’ll sit here a little longer. you can finish your work, i won’t bother you.”

she just huffs at him, then picks her pen up and resumes her work.

when she’s done, kyle is still there. he has his earbuds in and he’s laughing quietly at something on his phone. she just knows he’s on tiktok. probably watching some video about a cat. when she finds herself staring too hard and enjoying his laughter just a bit too much, she nudges him under the desk with her foot.

kyle pulls his earbuds out and sits up straight. “you finished, love?”

love?

it’s the first time he’s called her that, and it wrecks her a little bit. i don’t deserve him, she thinks to herself.

she just nods silently in response to his question, not trusting herself to speak and only doing so when kyle offers to walk her to her quarters. if he’s surprised when she says yes, he doesn’t show it. he just ushers her out of the office and down the hallway.

when they arrive at her door, she thanks him. kyle just waves her off and says, “anything for you, sweetheart.”

“stop calling me that,” she huffs. “and stop doing whatever this is.”

she watches as kyle’s brows furrow in confusion. “what is it that you think i’m doing?”

“if you wanted to get into my pants, you could have just asked.” she actually laughs when kyle stares at her in surprise. “and don’t act so shocked, garrick. i’ve known what you wanted since day one.”

“do you?” kyle asks as he steps into her space, watching in amusement as she fumbles to come up with an answer. he knew she would have told him to fuck off when they first met. “if you think sex is all i want, then you’re wrong. i want you.”

she’ll lie about it for the rest of her life if anyone ever asks her how she responded to kyle’s statement. instead of tearing him apart with her words, she gets a little teary eyed, much to her embarrassment.

“you shouldn’t want me,” she whimpers. “i haven’t been very nice to you.”

kyle just shrugs and lets her know that he likes a challenge every now and then. he doesn’t let her respond. he bids her goodnight with a kiss on her forehead, then gently shoves her into her room.

kyle walks her to her room again the next evening, and this time, he bullies her into inviting him in. she almost had a fit when he climbed into her bed and demanded she cuddle with him. at first, the word no was at the tip of her tongue, but then the intrusive thoughts won that round.

she’d struggled with how intimate it was to have kyle’s arms around her, not wanting him to touch her because she knew it would shatter the walls she’d carefully built over the years. he took one look at her and told her to stop fighting her feelings. she’d almost snapped at him, until she saw the look in his eyes. she’d hurt him and herself if she told him no. so she surrendered herself to him completely.

“it’s just for tonight, you can go back to hating me tomorrow.”

her heart breaks when kyle says it so casually, as if he’s trying not to make it a big thing, when it absolutely is.

she’s never hated kyle a day in her life. she just doesn’t understand why he wants to be with someone as cold as her? why would he want to be with a woman who was so damn traumatized, she thought everyone who approached her had some ulterior motive. having an unpleasant childhood and learning not to trust anyone would do that to a person.

during a session, she spoke to her therapist about kyle. she even told the other woman about the gifts he gave her. he won’t leave me alone, she had complained.

have you asked him to leave you be?

well, no. but—

think about why that is.

she’d almost quit therapy that day. she didn’t want to think about kyle and the way he made her feel.

after the life she’d lived, she promised to never let anyone get close enough to see how vulnerable she could be. she was convinced they would just take advantage. so she hardened her heart and became more frigid as the years went by. sometimes when she looked in the mirror, she didn’t see an ounce of her past self.

“you’re tense.”

her body gives a little surprised jolt at the sound of kyle’s voice. “i’m sorry,” she mumbles, while trying to relax in his arms.

“what’s on your mind?” kyle asks, before pressing a kiss to her forehead and stroking a hand down her back.

she shrugs and tells him not to worry about it, even though she knows it’s already too late for that.

“don’t do that. there’s something bothering you, sweetheart.”

she sighs softly, before lifting her head off his chest. “you’re right, but i don’t want to talk about it right now. just hold me please.”

and it’s truly a blur after that, not knowing how she ended up on her back with kyle’s fingers intertwined with hers and his cock buried deep in her pussy. he’s already syphoned one orgasm out of her with his tongue, and now he wants to have her creaming around his cock this time.

she’s not sure what she’s gotten herself into. because when kyle gives her the filthiest grind against her pussy, his leaking cock pressing up against her g-spot, her eyes roll so far back into her head, she’s surprised they don’t get stuck. a pleasure filled sob spills from her lips when kyle does it again and again until she’s clawing at his back and wailing so loud, he has to quickly smother her cries with his mouth.

he knows she’ll probably never live it down if someone walks by the room and hears how loud she can be when she’s getting fucked within an inch of her life.

kyle actually has the audacity to pause mid thrust to say, “damn, i didn’t know you could sing like that.”

he laughs when she gives him a whiny shut up and fuck me please. he watches the way her scowl disappears when he pulls out, then bullies his cock back into her drooling pussy.

“fuck, pussy’s so tight and wet around my dick, just gushing,” kyle hisses out with a roll of his hips, eyes almost crossing when she tightens around his cock. “you’re gonna strangle me to death. christ.”

“i’m sorry,” she manages to choke out through the overwhelming sensation of his cock hitting her sweet spot repeatedly. she was in fucking heaven.

“don’t be. you’re doin’ so good for me, sweetheart,” kyle croons in her ear. “you’re takin’ me so well. gonna have you fallin’ apart on this dick every night.”

“please.” his words are entirely too much for her handle.

“please what?” kyle coos, as his cock drags against her spongy walls. “gonna see how good you’ll be when i stretch that ass out with my fingers first, and then on my cock.”

the cry she emits when her senses white out completely and all she can feel is the sheer pleasure of her orgasm, is loud enough to be heard out in the hallway.

kyle doesn’t slow down when he tells her to give him one more. she wants to call him greedy, but she’s too busy moaning and writhing underneath him while he rubs her clit in sync with his thrusts. when she cums again, kyle is filling her pussy up to the brim with his seed and moaning her name.

kyle has to force her out of bed after he suggests they shower and change the sheets. she whines about being tired, but lets him guide her to the bathroom anyway.

she spirals a little when she’s sure she kyle is sleeping. she doesn’t want him to hear her weeping. and the second a pitiful whimper escapes her mouth, she’s out of the bed and locking herself in the bathroom, where she can cry freely.

she tries to avoids kyle after that, but he’s not having it.

he won’t let her run from this. when she tries to deny it, he calls her out on it and lets her know that they’ll be having a lengthy discussion when he gets back. “my teammates and i are leaving base. gotta put an end to some shit none of us want to deal with, and i’m not sure when i’ll be back, sweetheart.”

during the three months that kyle is gone, she’s missing him more than she thought she would. phone calls and video calls aren’t enough anymore. he tries to soothe her by telling her he’ll be seeing her soon, but she cries anyway.

it’s only then that she comes to a startling realization.

she finally tells her therapist what she’s been wanting to tell kyle for weeks.

i think i love him. no, i know i love him.

when she sees kyle again, she launches herself at him immediately, much to everyone’s surprise, because since when was kyle dating anyone.

soap, price, and ghost can’t help but to stare at her and kyle in wonder. she’s clutching at kyle, while crying her eyes out and telling him how much she loves him and how much she misses him. eyebrows raise when she drags him into a kiss that’s damn near pornographic.

kyle beams at her when he pulls away from the kiss, before he pulls her in for a soft peck and a hug that leaves her a little breathless.

and leave it up to him to ruin the moment when he says, “so, about that talk.”

she just groans and lets him drag her across the tarmac.

-

a/n: thank you for sending this message and i hope you enjoy.

[idleoblivion]

"Hey Man I Love You, But No Fucking Way" Jamil Viper x GN Reader

Synopsis: The time has finally come for you to leave, but he isn't ready to lose you. Surely you'll hear him out, right?

Word count: ~900

A/N: I usually prefer fluff but thought I'd experiment with a little angst, though I don't think it's too intense. Never written any kind of yandere stuff before so sorry if it's tame.

Warnings: angst, yandere Jamil

This day was bound to come. He knew it, you knew it, everyone did. That didn’t make it any easier for him, though. 

He knew you had started bugging Crowley harder about going home after the second overblot. And harder again after the third, then his, and so on. He wanted to meddle, but Kalim kept him busy. Plus, his faith in Crowley was so low he thought he’d have more time. Time to win you over, time to convince you that your place was with him. And he had made progress, you two had become very close despite what went down in Scarabia over the holiday. But the time for you to go had come regardless. 

He knew you had people you missed and places you still wanted to see. He knew that at the end of the day, no matter how much he’d grown to like your presence, you were not meant to be in Twisted Wonderland. 

But he still held onto that naive hope he had that you would hear him out tonight. Perhaps too tightly.

“You know how much you mean to me, don’t you?”

“I do.” You answer almost emotionlessly.

“Then… then please-” “Don’t ask me what you’re about to ask me. Don’t do that.”

He should’ve stopped there, but he couldn’t. If there was any chance of you staying with him, he had to fight for it. So he kept going.

“Please… you don’t know what my life was like before you. Please don’t leave me like this.”

You don’t say anything back. He could already feel himself unraveling, but tried to hold it together the best he could. 

“You’re the only person I can be myself around. You’re the only person who I can show what I’m actually capable of, the only-” “Jamil, you need to stop this. Now.”

“I love you.” He admits with desperation. “I love you, please, you can’t leave me like this. I’ll never…” he trails off, holding back tears.

“I love you too, Jamil…” You sigh deeply.

“Just not enough to stay?” He snaps without thinking. The look on your face immediately tells him that was the wrong thing to say. “How fucking dare you? You think you’re the only person I’m allowed to care about? I have people that I miss, Jamil. That I’ve been missing. I had a life before this school, sorry that hurts your feelings so badly.” He hadn’t expected you to get so angry with him. 

“I didn’t mean-” “I had a life. A life without magic and overblots. Where I didn’t spend every waking moment waiting for something else bad to happen. Where people didn’t want to fight me just for existing, and I wasn’t almost constantly in some kind of trouble or danger.” You’re crying now too, and you turn your back to him as you continue. “I can’t do it. I can’t stay. There’s nothing good for me here.” “What…what can I do? There’s has to be something I can do-” “No, there isn’t. I’m leaving tomorrow and that’s that. Stop making this harder than it needs to be.”

“I…I told you, I love you!” “And I told you I love you, but I can’t do this for you!” You wipe your face as you turn to face him again. “You think I’m happy about leaving you? Of course I’m not! But I’m not going to suffer here for your sake. I have to do this, for me. Why can’t you understand that?!”

And in that moment, he finally did understand. You didn’t want to hurt him. You weren’t trying to, you just needed to look out for yourself. He couldn’t blame you for that. You said you loved him, and he believed you. He watches you sniffle in front of him and put your face in your hands. He feels remorse for how this world has treated you, and guilt for not getting what you really meant at first. Yes, he understands perfectly. 

It was the rest of the world that was the problem. You could be happy in Twisted Wonderland, you just didn’t know it. With Crowley and overblots and other stress always wearing you down, of course you didn’t think you could stay. If you were constantly hurting, how could he expect you to?

But, why hadn’t you just said that from the start? If you knew how much you meant to him, didn’t you also know just how far he’d go for you? The mountains he would make move? The people he’d dispose of? Wouldn’t you do the same for him?

Of course, you would never have to do the same for him. He would do everything, take care of everything. Nothing would keep you two from each other. All you had to do was be with him and be happy. He could make that happen, he was sure of it.

He decides that those kinds of plans don’t matter right now, though. What matters most is that you’re about to make the biggest mistake of your life, and he isn’t going to let you.

“Look at me.” “Jamil, I’m done with this. I-”

“I get that, okay? Just…please, look at me one more time.” He was pleading, and his voice sounded so terribly dejected. You sigh again. You lift your head up from your hands and meet his eyes.

“I told you, I’m sorry. I really am. I-” “Snake Whisper. Follow me. You’re not going through that mirror.”

[oh-phoenixx]

"Stay" - Jegulus microfic @into-the-jeggyverse - 1392 words

-

James wanted to like Regulus. Really, he did. But overcoming that want was his love for Sirius, and his fear of his best friend getting hurt. This had happened before. Regulus had shown up on their doorstep all bruised and bloody and Sirius had welcomed him in so eagerly, just wanting to keep his brother safe. But the moment that Walburga had come looking for him, apologising to Regulus and begging him to come home, Regulus had given in. It had torn Sirius apart, and James would not let it happen again.

“You’ll really stay this time?” James asked, eyeing Regulus suspiciously. Nothing had happened to provoke Regulus’s running away, he was not adorned with any new cuts and had no story of his parents’ violence to tell. He had simply run away because he wanted to, because it was what Sirius wanted and because he knew his parents were not good people. James wanted to know where it had all come from.

“I’m going to stay,” Regulus swore stiffly. 

“You can’t just show up here and leave the second Mummy comes knocking,” James gritted out, surprising even himself with his cruelty. He tried not to show how guilty he felt. “You left Sirius and it really fucking hurt him.”

“He left me first,” Regulus spat, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself. “I’m…I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. I won’t let her control me anymore.”

James just nodded, still looking him up and down, as if waiting for something to pop out and ruin everything.

-

The first few weeks were hard. Despite his initial hesitation to accept Regulus into their lives, James did everything he could to make sure Regulus knew he was safe with them. He remembered how Sirius was, when he first moved in with James and his parents, and he knew what had worked for him, what had made him feel more comfortable. 

Regulus had nightmares often, and James would find him sitting in the living room, staring blankly at the wall. When this had happened with Sirius, James or Euphemia would make him tea. So, without thinking, really, James did this. He brought through a cup of tea and handed it to Regulus, who jumped when he finally noticed James.

“Bad dream?” James asked knowingly. Regulus looked him over cautiously before nodding. “Tea always helps Sirius sleep. Thought it was a safe bet.”

James learned quickly that Regulus did not speak at night. He wasn’t sure if it was the dreams or night time in general, but he didn’t question it. James also learned that Regulus was a very good listener. At first, he had started talking for the sake of not sitting in silence, not really about anything specific. Then, he shared opinions, on whatever he could think of. Movies or brands of tea or music or how that woman in the shop was rude earlier. There was a kind of domesticity to it, this end-of-the-day ritual. James got it all off his chest and went to sleep feeling a little lighter. He hoped Regulus did, too.

Progress was slow, but it was progress nonetheless. Regulus sitting a little closer each night did not go unnoticed by James. One night, Regulus had rested his head on James’s arm, and neither mentioned it, and it didn’t happen again, and James was so, so happy. With how guarded Regulus was, James had been sure that he would have hated him forever because of how cruel what James had said was. But each night, James brought him tea, and each night, Regulus accepted it and did not say a word. It was strange, really. Before Regulus had come to stay with Sirius and James, James had always seen him as this somewhat rude enigma, Sirius’s mean little brother, just like his parents. But at night, as they spoke—or, more accurately, as James spoke—, Regulus seemed so vulnerable; all tired hums and sleepy giggles one moment, and trembling hands and shaky breaths the next. 

After a particularly long day, James fell asleep earlier than usual. Work had been hard, and he had stayed up late the night before talking to Regulus. Really, his exhaustion had dragged on for weeks now, as he was always awake in case Regulus needed him.

When his alarm went off at six, as it did every morning, James sat up, rubbing his eyes and noticing the presence of the younger boy in his bed, who groaned at being woken so early in the morning. When he noticed James staring, Regulus’s eyes widened and he shot up.

“Um, sorry, I…You weren’t there last night,” Regulus explained, getting out of bed and already heading for the door. “I came in to find you and I fell asleep. Sorry. I- Sorry.”

And before James could respond or tell him that really, he didn’t mind, Regulus was out of the door, leaving James confused and a little sad, for some reason. Only after Regulus left did he notice the two mugs, one empty and one filled with now-cold tea.

That night, James did not fall asleep. He brought in the two cups of tea, and sat beside Regulus, who seemed calmer each night they were together.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Regulus whispered. James was sure it was the first time he had ever spoken to him at night. “My tea never tastes as good as yours.”

James hoped that was not the only reason Regulus was happy to have him there, but did not push it.

-

When James got home from work, all he wanted was to sit with Sirius and Regulus and watch a movie. So, the sight that he got instead was not a welcome one.

“Regulus, this is foolish,” Walburga said, looking around the flat with disgust. “You will come back. Your father and I need you.”

There was this subtle hint of desperation in her voice that James knew was intentional. Regulus swallowed hard and looked between Sirius and their mother, as if trying to decide which life to live, which of the two people he loved to appease. Then, his eyes met James’s. James tried to speak, but nothing came out. He mouthed ‘stay’.

“I’m not coming, Mother,” Regulus said, voice unsteady but determined.

She wouldn’t leave immediately, but once James and Sirius had both stepped between her and Regulus, she seemed to decide it wasn’t worth it. 

That night, Regulus walked into James’s room. He stood in the doorway, seeming unsure of himself. James gestured for him to come in, and he finally moved towards the bed, sitting awkwardly on the edge.

“Thank you,” James started. “For staying.”

“I did it for Sirius,” Regulus replied, looking away.

It stung a little, but James nodded. “I know.”

“I…I did it for you, too, though,” Regulus added, quieter.

James beamed at him, reaching a hand out and placing it on Regulus’s. He didn’t really think about it until Regulus’s eyes met his own, and he was overcome with this indescribable urge to do something. He wasn’t sure what. Or maybe he was, and he was scared. But James didn’t get scared, not of a thing like this. He leaned in, just a little, just enough to gauge Regulus’s reaction. His breath hitched and he pulled his hand out of James’s. Oh. James moved back.

“Wait, no, I’m sorry, I-” Regulus cut himself off and sighed. James tilted his head to try to catch Regulus’s eyes.

“Regulus?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m in love with you.”

“Oh. That’s…nice.”

“Nice?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

James laughed, though he wasn’t sure why. What Regulus had said wasn’t funny, really, but still, he laughed, and Regulus’s cheeks turned this pink colour that James could revel in for the rest of his life. That urge was suddenly so loud, and James realised that it had been there long before he had noticed it.

“Regulus?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Regulus’s ‘yes’ was just a breath, so quiet that James took a moment to make sure he wasn’t imagining it. Regulus looked at him expectantly, and James nearly lunged forward. It was all want at first, deep and determined. He took a breath and pulled away to collect himself, gentling his hands and kissing Regulus again, softer this time.

When they finally parted, Regulus mumbled, “I love you, too.”

[gotham-ruaidh]

the playground - new from the Modern Glasgow AU

Modern Glasgow AU: Chronological order || Publication Order [AO3]

(set about 9 years after Jamie and Claire’s wedding)

--

“But Mama – ”

Claire set the knit cap – a gift from Murtagh and Tante Suzette last Christmas – a bit more snugly around four-year-old William Fraser’s ears. “No buts. It’s cold today. You don’t want to get sick again like a few months back, do you?”

William sighed theatrically. “No. That wasnae fun at all.”

Claire patted her son’s shoulders. “Go have fun with your sisters. I’ll be right here.”

She watched William dart across the playground to the slide, where five-year-old Brianna and six-year-old Faith were already patiently waiting for their turn. Brianna waved, and Claire, smiling, waved back.

It was a bright but uncharacteristically cold day for early April – even in Glasgow, where like most of Scotland the weather could drastically shift in an instant. But it was the first full day of the half term school holiday – and Claire had worked very hard to rearrange her shifts at the hospital so that she, too, had a holiday this week. It felt odd to be at the park at nine o’clock on a Monday morning – but in a good way.

Her mobile phone buzzed – and glancing down, she smiled. A selfie of Jamie with fourteen-year-old Fergus, grinning in front of a long row of printing machines. Fergus could barely sleep the night before, so excited to accompany Jamie on a routine visit to the publishing house’s printing facilities. Not only would they check the progress of printing the second edition of the spy thriller that had become quite a runaway bestseller – thrilling nobody more than the author, their dear friend, Jamie’s client Ned Gowan – but they would meet the man himself at the facility. Having finally been deemed old enough to read one of Ned’s books – which he had inhaled cover to cover in the span of two days – it was no wonder that Fergus could barely contain himself. A good start to his half term, indeed.

Have fun! Love you she tapped in reply. Smile widening as Jamie sent back a string of heart emojis.

 She tucked the phone in her purse and picked up her coffee, which had finally cooled enough to sip.

Brianna had already made her way down the slide, and moved on to the swings – not bothering to wait for her brother and sister.

“And good morning to you!”

Claire turned and waved to the other side of the bench. “Hello! So happy you could drop by on your way in.”

Dr. Geillis Duncan stooped for a quick hug and plopped down beside Claire. “At least no scheduled surgeries today – though I’m on call for the A&E. Who knows what kind of disasters people may get into when they’re out of school this week.”

Claire smiled into her coffee. “Nothing you can’t handle.”

Geillis adjusted her sunglasses. “Let’s see – I count one, two, three wee Frasers. Did they have you up at the crack of dawn?”

“They did.”

“Probably not the way you wanted to start your week off.”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Geillis looked over at her friend. “But you’re on holiday. Time to relax.”

“I want to spend every moment I can with them, Geillis. Especially when they’re still so small. I try to do the same with Fergus, but he’s a lot more self-sufficient. Which is wonderful, but…well. It’s not the same.”

Now Faith was at the bottom of the slide, waiting for William at the top. Knit cap already loose atop his wild hair.

“There was a period where Jamie and I thought we wouldn’t be able to have a family of our own,” Claire continued, softly. “So now that we have them…”

“And your parents died when you were so wee. I get it.”

Claire sighed. “I need to spend more time with them, Geillie. I love my job. I love the hospital, I love doing surgeries. I love helping my patients.”

“But…”

“But I love my family more. My children, and my husband, and the life we’ve worked so, so hard to build together.”

Geillis fished around in her massive handbag. “So, are you thinking of cutting back a bit?”

“I am. I can’t keep this pace. It’s not fair to Jamie when I’m asking him to step in so much, he’s got his own demanding career. And Murtagh and Suzette are so wonderful to us, and William and Bree will be in full-time school soon, but still.” She pursed her lips.

Geillis produced a packet of tissues, and handed one over to Claire.

“I’ll support you in whatever you decide to do, Claire. Everybody at the hospital knows how much you love your family. And it certainly helps that your kids are all cute as buttons. Not to mention that husband of yours…”

Claire blew her nose, from the cold and from emotion. “Don’t you start on that again. I told you before, I won’t answer any of your questions about our private life.”

Geillis shook her head, smiling. “Three bairns in three years…you and the lad were certainly busy. Is it really true that you met on an aeroplane, took one look at each other, and that was that?”

William made it to the bottom of the slide, and hugged Faith, and together they walked to the monkey bars. Claire smiled, thumb touching her wedding ring. Tasting Jamie’s kiss that morning, slow in the predawn quiet of their bed, his hand wrapped around her bare hip.

She blinked. “I got off the plane with him that night, moved in, and we married a month later. The boarding passes are framed on the wall of our bedroom.”

Geillis sighed. “And I consider myself lucky if a man will look twice at me in the pub.”

“What happened to Greg?”

“Haven’t texted Mr. Edgars in a while. Not since he said I was too wild for him.”

“Call him. Have a nice quiet evening. You’d be surprised.”

Brianna shrieked – and Claire’s heart leapt. But all was well, Bree had made it to the top of the monkey bars and was waving madly.

Claire waved back, heart still stuttering. “That one will keep me on my toes.”

“Probably no different than her da at that age.”

That caused a smile. “So Murtagh tells me. And loves reminding Jamie, too.”

Geillis shouldered her bag. “Right. I’m off then. See you in a few days.”

Claire rose for a quick hug. “Thanks for coming by. It’ll work out with you and Greg.”

Geillis smiled. “And it’ll work out wi’ you and the hospital. Whatever you need, I’ll help you.”

“Thanks. Hopefully it’s not too mad today.”

And at that moment, Geillis’ phone buzzed. She glanced down at the screen.

“Famous last words. Hug all the bairns for me, will you?”

Claire nodded, and Geillis turned down the street, phone at her shoulder, already taking the accident details from the A&E physician.

Her own phone buzzed – another selfie, this time of Jamie with Fergus and Ned.

Knowing that, with a life and heart so full of love, anything truly was possible.

[rafesbambiangel]

golf lessons — rafe cameron

pairing ; sweet!rafe x bambi!reader

summary ; rafe teaching bambi how to play golf

warnings / notes ; mention of sex, other than that just fluff 🫧

it was a pretty day outside so you and rafe decided to go down to the golf course, you had always thought golf was boring but rafe really liked it so you thought “why not give it a try.”

rafe had kindly agreed to teach you how to play, he was now standing behind you, his hands resting on your hips to slightly guide your movements as you held the golf club.

“okay do i just swing now?” you asked, looking back at him. “yeah” he replied he was very gentle despite his usual short fuse, which you found was sweet… in an unusual way. he always had his ways of showing love, he was just very protective. “not too hard” he reminded you.

he didn’t care if you were good, or if you were horrible at golf. he still found it adorable seeing you trying to concentrate on the game, and he loved how cute you were when you got frustrated. he gently guided your arms some more, a small smile forming on his face.

you sighed, “what if i’m just not good at golf?” you were used to being a natural in basically… everything so the fact that you still hadn’t gotten the hang of it was kind of pissing you off.

rafe let out a laugh “nah baby don’t give up that easy, i was worse when i first started, just need practice” he said, his hands still resting on your hips, rubbing circles on the material of your skirt.

as the afternoon progressed, you were actually getting a hang of the game. you were still bad, but not as bad as before. He stood back, grinning at you as he watched you struggle. he was impressed with your attempts to do well, he knew you hated the golf, but you were willing to try for him, which he found cute.

eventually you got bored, because golf can only be entertaining for so long. “i’m gonna go get a drink, you want anything?” i asked watching him swing another round

he shook his head, “nah I’m okay, thanks.”

rafe leaned against the golf cart, waiting for you to walk back out with whatever drink you were gonna get. he pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through social media, his eyes flickering up from the phone, to the entrance of the country club every so often.

you got yourself a sparkling water, then walked back to where he was standing, you couldn’t help but admire how he looked, he was wearing a blue polo shirt, which you had picked out of course. and a pair of beige shorts, “fuck he looks so good” you thought to yourself.

he put his phone away, putting it in his pocket as he saw you return with your drink. he smiled, standing up from the golf cart and walking over to you. you reached up to him, pulling him in for a quick kiss, “this was actually really fun.” you said.

he smiled, putting an arm around you as you kissed him. he was genuinely enjoying himself today, he rarely let himself have fun, as ward would always scold him about taking over cameron development in the future and “needing to be prepared”

“yeah?” he chuckled, he was glad you were enjoying the day so far as well, he wanted you to feel good in his presence. you nodded and smiled, wrapping an arm around his. he genuinely looked happy and that made you happy too. “yeah, think i’m starting to like golf.”

“really?” he questioned, he didn’t expect you to actually grow an interest for it. he was glad it was growing on you though, he appreciated you putting in the effort to be a part of his life.

you nodded. “it’s not as bad as i thought it would be.”

“glad you’ve finally found some enjoyment in it.” he said, grabbing your hand, holding in loosely in his. he was really sweet, but he didn’t let many see that side of him. he was sweet around you though, very soft and caring. he brought your hand to his lips, softly brushing his lips against your knuckles. he was so in love with you, something so rare to see. you were his girl, his baby, his everything. “i love you rafey” you said, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. “I love you too.” he replied, resting his hand on your waist.

“you wanna go home?” he asked, his lips brushing against your hair. “mhm” you mumbled, tired from being in the sun all day. “gonna take care of you when we get home kay?” he said, putting the golf clubs back in the cart. you smiled, you knew what that meant, you were getting fucked.

[speakergame]

Progress Update - 3/4/24

Hello and happy March!

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? 😅 Well, I finally have some good news for you this time: I have some actual news!

I'm happy to be able to announce at last that an update is on its way! I’ve still got some assets to make and code cleanup and testing to finish, but I should finally have something to show you soon.

I’ll put a cut at the end of this and go into more detail about the what and why of what I’ve been working on during this long and unintended hiatus, but the tl;dr is that I hope to have an update out by the end of the month, and that said update will break any saves made in Chapter 4. Unfortunate, but unavoidable, since Chapter 4 had to be recoded from the beginning 😞

I just want to thank all of you once again for sticking with me through my extended silence! Especially to my patrons who’ve put up with me putting everything on pause month after month while I dealt with my real life shit, and to everyone who’s sent me kind and supportive messages to let me know Speaker hasn’t been forgotten. It really means a lot to me.

Okay, enough of that sappy shit! I’m gonna get back to work finishing this up 😁 I’ll put out another update later this month once I have a more definite release date.

Thank you all for reading! I hope you’re having a fantastic 2024 so far, and that the rest of the week treats you kindly. See y’all soon! 💙💙💙

(For those who want a more detailed breakdown on what’s been happening and what to expect, hit the readmore)

I won’t go into the personal life stuff I’ve been dealing with this past year that has slowed down my work, but as far as the actual game goes: 

To put it simply, I just wasn’t happy with it. Some of it could be because of how many times I had to reread the same section while I was coding the scenes that would’ve taken place after the last update, but no matter how much I edited or rearranged it, I didn’t like how that scene turned out. There was something… formulaic that had been happening with the way I always laid out scenes, and a bit of stagnation in the story, character, and relationship development that bothered me.

So I rewrote it. And when I still didn’t like it, I rewrote it again. And I still didn’t like it. I thought about scrapping the whole thing on more than one occasion as I struggled to get out of the corner I’d written myself into.

Inspiration finally struck at the beginning of this year, thanks in part to another interactive novel I follow, and I really like the direction I’ve taken it now. 

Instead of the RO split scenes happening where the last one left off, Speaker, Seer, and Gavin are gonna have a chat about Things™ to move the next story arc forward. Then Speaker will get some downtime, by themself at first and then in an extended scene split with the RO of their choosing. 

All the Big Plot Things that were going to happen in Chapter 4 will be moved to Chapter 5 instead, and 4 will be a bit more of a filler episode. A deep breath before the plunge, as it were.

This split won’t just be a quick conversation/reaction from the RO, but a full on different direction for the rest of the chapter based on who you choose. Most of them will involve leaving the house; all of them will involve actual one-on-one time (or one-on-two time, as the case may be) away from the others. And though romance isn’t required, all of them will have the potential to really move the romance forward if you so choose. One or two might even have a lock-in choice (maybe. I’m not 100 percent on that, so don’t hold me to it) 

These scenes won’t be in the next update, because they’re all very complex, but the update will definitely have the Seer chat and at least some of the by-yourself stuff. The update after will have the rest of the alone time stuff (including the clothes/body CC you’ve all been waiting for), and then the one after will start the RO scenes. I think.

I may actually split the RO scenes into separate updates, and let my darlings over at Patreon vote for the order they’re released. That way I can focus on one at a time instead of trying to split my attention six ways at once.

Okay, that’s enough rambling for me today. Time to get back to work! Still got a lot to get done before this is ready, but it’s so close now.

[efflorescencesims]

→ t-shirts with a bunch of random things i enjoy! ☆ new mesh, bgc ☆ 11 swatches + 2 bonus swatches ☆ feminine frame / teen-elder ☆ custom thumbnail ☆ disabled for random please lmk if there are any issues, since this is my first real piece of cc!!

*ೃ༄ download (sfs)

since this is a thank-you gift, you will find the thank-you notes under the cut (quite cheesy + long)

first of all: thank you so much for 100 followers!!

i especially want to thank all my mutuals for being such amazing people, hyping me up every time i post and blessing my feed with their incredible talent. i don't normally like singling people out because of my fear of leaving people out but i wanted to give a special special shoutout to @miralure and @simulatd because they are literally the sweetest people ever!!

my page is almost a year old but i've only been consistently active since october and if you look at my earlier posts you can definitely tell my edits have gone through a few transformations. even now i’m not entirely sure what my niche is. i wanted to thank you guys for supporting me even when i give you whiplash while trying to figure out what i want my page to be!

i feel a little proud with the progress i’ve made last year, or rather in the last few months. i’ve started learning how to use blender (which i never thought i’d do) and honestly it’s the most fun i’ve had in a while!! it allows me to realize my silly ideas and has almost no limitations. i’m still very new to it, but i’m looking forward to the this year and to all the progress i’ll make.

as for cc making, i have so much respect for cc creators and what they're able to do. going into this with no experience and time to practice (because i gave myself a stupid time limit) was definitely not my smartest move. these shirts honestly don't look the best, which is a little disappointing but if you don't want them, just ignore them and look at the preview instead (which kind of sucks as well) !!

if you read all of this: thank you!! and if you didn't: thank you still!!

i know i'm a little late but nevertheless i wish everyone a happy new year!! i'm so excited to see what this year has in store for us <33 much love & see you soon (because i do need a short break after this...)

[kingqueensoobscene]

hear me out hear me out Lil’ Pootis BLU Scout but with like a nice partner, someone who’s like really nice and sweet and it’s a personality difference for the two but they get along so well!!

WOOO YOUR GIRL IS BACK!!!!!!! I’ve been so busy, but now I’m slowly getting back to it. Don’t guarantee anything ;3 this was such a cute ask!!

LIL POOTIS!BLU!SCOUT X A KIND READER

-Ok, so, Spy is definitely going to say to his son how he can’t make fun of his marriage to Engineer because Scout just found someone who is the total opposite of him as well. You two are pretty much like Spy and Engineer, Scout just hates to admit it.

-You are a rock to Scout. Being on the Blu team is rough in the first place since they’re on the short end of the stick and they get roughed up more than they win. Even if you are apart of this mess as a fellow mercenary, it is a shock how you managed to find a balance with your emotions. None of them have had a good day since they got assigned to payloads for the week, so you’re a good presence to have around. Always helping out, making jokes, distracting the others. 

-Which is why they were shocked when you started dating the Scout. It wasn’t an issue, you were on the same team. It was just a surprise to everyone else. Sure, you stood out in the cold with him when he was told to quit smoking indoors (though, him and Sniper still did on occasion), he gave you pointers on that rifle of yours and he was always asking where you were. But it didn’t seem that serious. No one really cared, everyone does their own thing. It’s still a shock though. 

-It’s best when you two are on the field together. He runs through the line of sight so you can sneak your way to the control point without even a cut. He doesn’t ever want you to get needlessly hurt on the field, even though you are a trained killer. So, he just goes before you get the chance. He was always taught you look out for those you care about (Thanks Spy). If you’re quicker than him, he will just run past you. Either way, you’re not getting shot. You will respawn either way, but he does not care. 

-Spy and Engineer are happy about your relationship. More Engineer than Spy. Del wants Scout to be closer with him, so he comes extra supportive. Even before you and Scout dated, Engie was always kind back to you. He is always waving at you with a smile after his entry shot the enemy Demoman. Spy will always remind Scout to treat your kindness back and to not take advantage of it. To always take you out to a nice place or buy you that thing you have been talking about as your birthday gets closer. Scout is not a very selfish guy, he has proven that to you before, though Spy worries. 

-Speaking of, any time you two go out, Scout will assume you want to do something fancy. If there is anything his dad has taught him, it’s that you do overly romantic things. If you hate going out to eat or you don’t have anything nice to wear, just tell him. He’s fine with just going to the corner store and getting some snacks. At least, he cleans up well and owns at least 2 two-pieces. He hates slicking his hair back though because you can see how far back his hairline has become.

-If you tell him straightforwardly how handsome you think he is, he gets super cocky. Like the “I know, thank you.” kind of way. Especially if you compliment his form. He has been working out for a couple years since joining his dad, he knows the progress he has made and how in shape he is. You do not even have to tell him, he knows you do. But once in a while, he will do something stupid like do a pull up on a random, low hanging pipe in the hallway to   impress you. If you’re the type of person to go crazy with compliments, he looks like he does not care. That is until he can’t help but smirk and say, “You’re alright.” before laughing and giving you a kiss on your hand to apologize. 

-By the way, he loves hand kisses. Not even in the romantic way. He will shake your hand limply and then kiss you with a big “Mwah!” and start laughing at how cringe that was.

-Since the days rotate on who is going out on the missions, you two have days where you don’t see each other. He will get home with his nose red and his clothes damp from the blowing, snowy winds outside and he just lays next to you on your shared bed, reading until you hug him at his side and kiss his shoulder. PDA isn’t a big thing to him. I mean, you’re with him, aren’t you? Everyone knows you two are in a established relationship that does not violate the Administrator’s rules, so why not show off a little? An arm will be wrapped around your back and the magazine on his lap. 

-Sometimes, he likes the silence when he comes back into the base. Of course, you know this too. As previously mentioned in my other post with the Lil Pootis Scouts, Blu Scout likes to go to the boiler room where the heaters and generators lie to get some privacy and warm up. It’s sort of hard to hide that you two cuddle in there, not that anyone goes there anyways, so eventually everyone found out. Though, if you are a girl, I would say Miss Pauling would allow you your own private room as a courtesy, so the others would only notice Scout’s absence and assume he disappeared to have a smoke. 

-If you’re a persistent person who will do anything for someone, you have absolutely gone outside with Scout while he was smoking. Spy has scolded him more than once, so now he has to make a habit of it. He hates when you come with him as he does not want you to get cold, but he knows you are stubborn. It’s not the company he minds, rather that you are withstanding the cold and the smell of cigarettes to be with him. He thinks you are the most thoughtful person ever for even bringing his lighter that he forgot or brought him some hot chocolate. Often, the other mercenaries catch you two chatting by the water tunnel while you rambled on to Scout about your day. 

Wafting against the cold, the flame kissed the tip of the cigarette and burned bright. The silver box shut at the pressure of your thumb and you put away his lighter. Grey puffs floated across the frozen air and danced with the deep shades of a painted blue and speckles of white. Your head against his falling shoulder. His hand at your right side, rubbing along your coat. He dragged his cigarette and blew away from you. Then he smiled. A soft smile that few could see. Sure, he was always smiling, but not like this. You are the person he wants to smile this way to. Because you are the person that melts him down, that makes him warm to the touch and wear down the usual tense. Overwhelmed, he did not like you when you first met as trainees. You would not last, he thought. You were too much. You did not shut up, you were too nice, you would be knocked before you could speak another word in no time. Sometimes, he looks back at his young self and wants smack him silly. Someone compassionate, someone who balanced out his mellow wanted to be his friend. Before he was good at what he did, before he got stronger and better at everything, you liked him.

Now, you are out in the cold with your shivering spine and twitching head. Eyes rolled and he’s off the boulder. It was freezing for you, you should warm up. But you had his lighter. And you kept your hands in your pockets. Unamused eyes looked at you as he prodded you to hand it over. You only backed up and smiled. He only got more demanding and he moved closer. You shook your head and giggled. A sigh comes from him. Then he pulls off his scarf and moves up to wrap it around. 

Now you felt a little bad. Smoke blew again. He smirked. A hand on your chin and your lips on his. Something sweet, then bitter. Ash was not a pleasant taste. And he knew it. 

[a-babe-without-a-name]

Sit Next To Me

Chapter 5: Let This Be Enough For Now.

You had created two rules for yourself.

Rule One: You could do whatever you wanted. Get the degree you want, party when you want, cancel plans when you want, love who you want. Whatever you really wanted to do, you were going to do, anxiety and guilt free.

Rule Two: You could do whatever you wanted, except for have relationships with classmates. No sex, no dating. If they were on the same course roster as you, they were off limits.

Easy enough, right?

…Right?

Viktor x Female!Reader - 18+

A.N. This took forever to write, but I'm glad it's done! What I consider the main scene of this has been bouncing around in my head forever. It was definitely one of the main scene's that kicked this off, so it's cool to have it written and done :) now on to the next chapter :0

Read on AO3

Weeks went by and nothing changed. You continued to hold your ground and Viktor continued to be respectful. It wasn’t hard for him to stay that way. He was good at keeping his thoughts inside his head, he only verbalized the exact information he wanted others to know. With you, there was so much he wanted you to know and plenty he wanted to keep to himself. He wanted you to know how brilliant he thought you were. He wanted you to know that he thought you were funny and kind and interesting. He wanted you to know that he cared about you, that he wanted you to be happy.

Really the only thing he wanted to keep you from knowing was how bad he wanted to fuck you. It wasn’t like he was thinking about having sex with you constantly…just frequently. Most of the time, it wasn’t even the things that you would do that made him feel like that. It was entirely his fault. He’d catch himself staring at your face, thinking about how you looked when you came. Sometimes your hair would fall in a way that made him want to tangle it in his fist. Once you had worn a sundress while your whole group of friends laid out on the quad on a particularly sunny afternoon. You were laying on your back, holding a printed out article above you to read, your feet bare and ankles crossed. Viktor did his best not to stare at you, horrified you’d be able to tell how badly he wanted to shove his face between your thighs. 

It was only once that he had nearly broken his composure. It had been a Wednesday afternoon, your OChem group had planned to meet up to go over the homework before the weekly dinner get-together. It wasn't until he was already sitting at the kitchen table with you that Jinx texted the group chat to let you know that her and Ekko weren’t going to make it. It would have been ridiculous for you to drive back to your dorm just to come back a few hours later, so you ended up staying. The two of you decide to work through the homework without the others.

You had been making steady progress until Cait and Vi arrived home and promptly began a very loud Just Dance competition in the living room. You had immediately pulled out your phone to secretly record them from the table

“Do you want to study in my room?” He asked as you sent the video to the group chat.

“Definitely,” You told him, closing your book and gathering your things, “I really don’t want to be out here when Vi sees that video.”

You and him slipped into his room, the sound of the girlfriends in the living room muffled but still audible. You bid a sweet hello to Rio before settling on the edge of Viktor’s bed. He watched as you criss-crossed your legs under yourself and opened the textbook up on your lap. “Oh, i’m sorry,” You said, stiffening when you realized he was staring at you, “I can sit somewhere else if you-”

“No,” he said too quickly, feeling his face so red at his slip, “No, it’s fine. I don’t care.”

He cared so much he could implode.

“Are you sure?” You asked, already ready to stand up.

“Really, it’s okay,” He brushed it off, reminding himself how to breathe as he sat down at his desk, cane leaning against the side, “It’s just that you shouldn’t do homework in bed.”

“Hm, why’s that?” You tilted your head at him, lips pursing slightly. 

“It’s hard to focus in the place where you sleep,” He shrugged, looking away from your lips and opening up his text book, “and if you do work where you sleep, it makes it harder to sleep.”

You laughed louder than he expected. He furrowed his eyebrows, “What?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” You raised your eyebrows at him, “but I don’t sleep here, this is your bed, Viktor.”

“Ah, yes,” He nodded, “that is true.”

‘Please sleep in my bed,’ He begged you in his head, ��please please stay. Make it smell like you. Make it yours.’

More thoughts he didn’t want you to know. He turned back to his text book and jumped right into the work, doing his best to sweep the thoughts out of his mind. As far as he could tell, you didn’t make note of the interaction. The two of you fell into a steady rhythm of studying. You took turns asking each other practice questions and trying to explain the concepts of stereochemistry out loud. Eventually the words began to blur in front of Viktor’s eyes. The figures and equations became messy ink on paper. He groaned and stood up, leaning his hip against the desk as he stretched his back. He watched you still on his bed, too focused to notice his movement. He scooped up his textbook and abandoned his cane to take a few slow steps over to sit next to you. 

“Giving up?” You asked, smirking up at him. 

“No,” He assured, pulling his good leg onto the bed, “Just needed a change of location.”

“Oh, what happened to ‘you shouldn't study in bed’, huh?” You teased, nudging him with your elbow. 

“Hm, I think once will be fine, no?” He raised an eyebrow, hyper aware of where his knee was touching your hip. 

You didn’t say anything, just laughed softly in response. He loved the sound, wished he could listen to you laugh forever. Instead of letting him open his own textbook, you slid yours over so that it was resting in both of your laps. You leaned in close to him, pointed out one of the figures that didn’t quite make sense. He resisted the urge to press his nose into your hair to breathe you in. He did his best to ignore your proximity and focus on the work in front of him instead. Eventually your presence settled from a pounding in his head and heart to a dull tap instead. 

Then it was you who got antsy. You dropped your face into your palms and groaned dramatically.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Your words are muffled by your hands, “I’m dropping out.”

“If you do that, you won’t be able to live with Lest anymore,” He pointed out, “Or go to parties.”

“Ugh, you're right.” You stood up, pushing the book over to him and began pacing around his room, “I hate that this is hard. Science has never been hard, but this makes absolutely no sense.”

“If it was easy, it would be boring,” He closed the book and set it down next to him, “Besides, you’ll get it.”

“Will I though?” You asked sarcastically, hands on top of your head.

“Yes, you’ve made it this far,” He shrugged, leaning back on his palms, eyes following your path, “and from what I’ve gathered, you are far too stubborn to quit anything.”

“Is that a dig or a compliment,” You scoffed, still pacing.

“A compliment, I assure you.” He laughed, “Listen, I think we’ve done enough for one day. We’ll come back to it tomorrow or something, when we don’t feel like we’re going crazy.”

“Okay,” You sighed, but the tension in your shoulders didn’t let up. Viktor frowned, thinking for a moment.

“There’s CD’s on the shelf over there,” He told you, pointing towards his bookshelf, “Grab one to play and relax for a minute, yeah?”

He watched you hesitate for a moment, standing in the middle of the room unsure. He nodded, encouraging you to go on. You stood in front of his shelf, finger pressed to your lip as you read through the spines in search of something. 

“Oh no way,” You laughed, opening up the familiar CD case and popping the disc into the player.

“You know Deerlady?” He asked.

“Do I know Deerlady? You scoffed, tapping your fingers against your hip to the sound “How do you know Dearlady?”

“Found that CD at a bookstore this summer” He explained, “Wasn’t sure about it at first, but it turned out very good.”

“Hm, I’m glad you like,” You sat back down next to him on the bed, lying back with your legs hanging off the edge, “They’re from Maine, ya know.”

“Is that right?” He asked, tilting his head to look down at you.

“Yup,” You nodded as you listened to the music, “I saw them open for…someone like a year or so ago. They were so good, like so so good. I can’t even remember the headliner.”

“It’s very pretty music,” He agreed, leaning back to lay next to you, “Haunting.”

“Mhm,” You hummed, closing your eyes, “Exactly. Hauntingly beautiful…”

He turned his head, looking at the side of your face as you mouthed along to half the lines. He felt like he was drowning. Unable to breath when he looked at you. He rarely had a poetic mind, but every beautiful word and phrase in every language he knew blew around his head when he looked at you. He couldn't help it. The way your eyelashes brushed against the tops of your cheeks, the flush of your skin, your teeth, your lips. Everything about you made him feel high.

Infatuation. That’s what this was. He’d call it that because obsession was too harsh of a word. He couldn’t remember a single time he’s felt like this since becoming an adult only a handful of years ago. Part of him hated that it was you who gave him this feeling. You, a girl who is so resistant and headstrong and unavailable it drove him to madness. He lay there, watching you as long as he could. He didn’t look away when you opened your eyes and turned your head to him. Your pretty face and messy hair only centimeters away from his. He had almost closed the distance. He knew how nice it would feel to kiss you. He could practically taste you already, the strawberry chapstick you had put on earlier, the coffee you had in class, your smooth teeth against his tongue. He wanted you under him, he wanted your hands on his shoulders, on his chest, in his hair, everywhere. He wanted it more than he wanted anything else in the world. 

He couldn’t. You had made it very clear what you wanted. Whatever happened had to be initiated by you. He wouldn’t ask, would do his best not to reach out and touch you, would respect your decision. If you wanted to touch him, to kiss him, he would let you with no hesitation, but you had to make that decision. So he didn’t close the distance. He watched you watch him until the CD stopped.

That night, late after everyone had gone back to their own homes, Viktor could smell you on his blanket still. The scent of your conditioner and perfume lingering. He pressed his nose into the fabric as he wrapped his hand around himself. Shameful tears prickled in his eyes as he panted and whined face down to the thought of you. He muttered your name like a prayer when he came.

------

The shame of that night followed Viktor all the way to Monday morning. The guilt of it ate at his insides to the point that his physical form began to ache. Maybe the pain in his back and leg and hip was unrelated to what he had done, maybe it was karma for disrespecting you. Regardless of the reason, it was the perfect excuse to avoid you. He had abandoned class on Friday and declined your offer to bring him the lecture notes. On Saturday he ignored your message asking if he was coming to The Last Drop with everyone else. His very curt ‘No.’ was enough to make you stop texting him the rest of the weekend. 

The worst part was the fact that Viktor hadn’t expected to feel so guilty. Sure, he didn’t feel great going in. There was certainly a reason he had held off on acting on the urge. He had gotten off to images of people he knew before. It was normal, according to the articles he read, to think of friends sexually. As long as you aren't hurting anyone, and he certainly wasn’t. You didn’t even know what he had done, and you would never know as long as he had a say. Despite the rational part of his brain telling him to let the incident go, he could barely look you in the eyes when you sat down next to him in class on Monday.

“Goodmorning,” You said pointedly, trying to look him in the face.

“‘Morning,” He nodded, hiding his face in the textbook.

“Are you feeling okay?” You asked, concerned.

“I’m fine.” His words were short.

He did his best to ignore the indignant huff you let out as you retreated back to your seat. He kept his distance during the entire lecture, angling his chair away from you. Doing his best not to look at you. He knew this was wrong, that he was ridiculously swinging too far in the other direction, but he didn’t know how to stop. He felt like a very defensive runaway train of emotions and he had placed you directly in the path of it. 

When the lecture ended and the groups rose to move to the lab portion, he moved away from you as fast as he could.

“Oh dear,” Hiemerdinger complained from the lab, “It seems like the TA’s forgot to restock. Would two people volunteer to head to the supply closet to retrieve boxes of gloves.”

“I’ll do it!” You practically yelled, hand shooting up, composing yourself slightly, you grabbed Viktor by the arm, “Um, Me and Viktor can do it.”

You ignored the look he gave you.

“Thank you very much dear,” Heimerdinger beamed, walking over to you and handing you the key, “I understand this is a one person job, but I must follow the rule of two when giving out my key.”

“No, that totally makes sense,” You assured, “We’ll be right back.”

It was too late for Viktor to back out, Heimerdinger was already walking away and addressing the rest of the class. You had made it to the door way already, standing there and waiting impatiently for him. He stood there for a moment, unmoving. 

“Well, come on,” You huffed, waving at him.

He let a heavy breath out through his nose, shaking his head as he gave in. As soon as the door shut behind him, you turned on him. Grabbing him roughly by the sleeve and making him stop to face you.

“What is going on with you?” You hissed, glaring up at him.

“I dont know what you are talking about,” He said firmly

“Did  I do something wrong?” You asked him, “Did I offend you or make you uncomfortable or something? Or did you just decide to hate me all of the sudden?”

“I do not hate you,” He frowned, “You didn’t do anything, everything is fine.”

“I don’t believe you,” You crossed your arms over your chest.

“It’s not you,” He racked his brain for a half truth, “I just… I can be mean when I feel unwell.” That had been true at one point, “I try to distance myself to prevent…fallout.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me that, then?” You did your best not to pout.

“Because, telling people how I feel leads to a lot of coddling and well wishing,” Viktor rolled his eyes, “and that's sometimes worse than the pain.”

You sighed, mouth twisted to the side as you thought, “So you don’t hate me?”

“Not in the slightest,” He assured you.

“And you're not upset with me? I didn’t give you the ick?” You joked, nudging him in the arm.

“Nope,” He shook his head, then sighed “I’m sorry I worried you.”

“It’s fine… are you feeling better today?” You shrugged, “Like, better enough to come out next weekend on my boat with everyone?”

“You have a boat?”

“Well, my dad has a boat and  I get to borrow it on Saturday,” You told him, “and…you’ll come, right?”

“Of course,” He nodded, trying to remain casual. You  wanted him to come, and to Viktor that was promising. 

“Good,” You relaxed, then reached out for his wrist, “And you are feeling better, right?”

“Yes, I feel okay today,” He assured you, “mostly, but maybe let me wait here while you go grab the gloves?”

“Oh, uh yeah of course,” You blushed, “Sorry, um, I’ll be right back.”

He watched as you darted away down the hall, head ducked to hide the red in your cheeks. This was the first moment in days that his…disrespect wasn’t on his mind. He could feel the guilt drain out of him, all the rationalizing he had done this weekend finally catching up. The feeling of being wanted by you, in any capacity, canceling out everything else.

------

On Saturday morning the residents of the Rune Street house - including Vi and Mel - crammed themselves and several cases of alcohol into Jayce’s Prius. Despite the full car, there were no complaints on the hour or so drive to the Marina. Apparently this boat situation had become a yearly tradition, and Viktor could tell how excited the others were. It was a contagious energy. 

When they reached the Marina, the parking lot was already bustling with people eager to take advantage of what was most likely the last hot weekend of the year. Viktor followed behind the group, trusting them to know where to go. It wasn’t hard to spot the right boat. The medium sized fishing trawler stood out amongst the fresh and sleek sporting boats and yachts that took up most of the Marina. 

When they reached the boat, the door in the side wall was already open, a wooden board connecting the floor of the deck to the dock. Jayce and Vi set down the cases in a shady spot. Viktor carefully crossed the board into the boat, taking a second to get a bearing of the rock of the waves and texture of the floor under his shoes. Luckily his cane didn’t resist the wet deck, keeping him steady, and the KT tape he had opted to use today instead of his brace felt like it would hold up.

“You good, V?” Jayce asked quietly, assessing his friend's state.

“Yeah, all good.” Viktor assured him with a nod, hoping Jayce would keep the kind, yet misplaced, worrying to a minimum today.

That was enough for Jayce for now. He helped Mel across the board and then led the group in search of you. They found you in the captain's seat in the helm of the vessel. Your knee was pulled to your chest, chin resting on the top as you read over a clipboard full of papers.

When you noticed their entrance, you sat up in the chair, dropping your leg and swiveling to face them.

“You’re here!” You smiled, looking at home in the space, “I was worried traffic was going to be bad.”

“It wasn’t great, but we left a little early,” Cait explained, then looked around the cabin space, “Is Lest not coming?”

“No, she’ll be here,” You explained, “Her and Sky went to pick up ice, they’ll be here in a minute. Actually, would one or two of y’all help them drag it down here?”

“Yeah, I’ve got it,” Jayce offered immediately, always helpful, “Should I head over now or…”

“Yeah, they’ll for real be here in, like, two minutes,” You told him waving him off, “Thank you!”

Jayce hurried off to help the two girls, leaving the others behind. 

“You look cute,” Mel smirked, snapping the strap of your red one piece against your shoulder, “Very conservative.”

“Okay, first of all, rude. I left my other one at home and it’s the end of the season,” You gawked, brushing her hand away as she giggled, “and second, wait till you see it without the shorts. This thing is borderline explicit.” You cringed.

“Is that a promise, Miss Lifeguard?” Mel dramatically draped her arms over your shoulders, clinging to you and looking up with over-done doe eyes,“Will you give me mouth to mouth?”

“Get off of me you, you harlot,” You laughed, pushing her face away as she tried to kiss your cheek. Mel giggled, ducking away from you as you swatted at her, “I’ve got stuff to finish up before we go. Go chill out, will ya.”

The three girls laughed as they headed back out to get settled on the deck. Viktor hovered, not because of you - not like he didn’t already notice that the top of your swimsuit wasn’t padded or that the sides were cut high enough to see the skin of your hips over the top of your denim shorts or the way your hair was already starting to become frizzy from the ocean air - but because of the equipment in the helm of the boat.

“Everything is so..” Viktor tried to think of the right word in English to describe the meticulously organized and labeled components on the control panel, walls and ceiling, “úhledný…uh, tidy.”

“That’s one way to put it,” You laughed softly, looking up and around at the boat, “My dad likes things a particular way.”

“Clearly,” He took a hesitant step forward, looking closer at the equipment, noticing something odd, “Hm this is all very-”

“Outdated?” You scoffed, guessing what he was going to say, “Yeah, I know.”

“Why? Jayce made it sound like your father was very successful,” He said without thinking, immediately trying to back track, “I mean, not that he isn’t, or...”

You waved him off with a laugh, “No, I know what you mean. Like, if he’s so successful why does he have an absolutely ancient sonar system?”

“Uh, yeah,” Viktor’s shoulders were tense from the fumbled words.

“He is the number one believer of ‘if it’s not broke, don’t fix it’,” You explained, swiveling back and forth in the chair, apparently unbothered by Viktor’s choice of words, “He managed to make ends meet and feed a community with what he already had, there wasn’t a reason to update it.”

“Hm, interesting,” He leaned down, inspecting the board closer and taking note of the smooth wear on the controls, “Everything is in very good condition,”

“Yep, keep things clean, take care of them, and they’ll last forever,” He felt like there was something else hiding under your words, “I mean unless a boat is sunk or grounded, there really isn’t a reason to get a new one. This thing is from ‘79 and aside from aesthetic choices, you’d never know.”

“The engine?” He raised a curious eyebrow.

“Fucking pristine,” You emphasized, “I helped build it, like, two summers ago. I can show you if you want.

“I’d love to see,” That wasn’t a lie at all, any chance to get eyes on a different type of engine and Viktor was all for it, “This vessel is incredibly clean, it’s very impressive.”

“Yeah, it’s why I get to use her actually,” You told him, “She gets sent down here from Winter Harbour once a year to be cleaned. Like, cleaned, cleaned. It’s another reason everything is in such good shape. This time last week she was covered bow to stern in fish guts. Today, you’d never be able to tell.”

“He sends it all the way down the coast just to be cleaned?” Viktor tilted his head to the side, “That is inefficient, no?”

“Eh, maybe,” You agreed, watching him step closer and look over the different gauges, “,but he trusts the crew that does it. He’d rather spend the money to haul it down here and have the job done right than be unsatisfied with it being done somewhere else.”

“Your father is an interesting man,” Viktor smiled, then thought to himself, ‘I hope I have the pleasure of meeting him one day.’

“Yep,” You laughed fondly, “Thank god for that, I’d be incredibly boring otherwise.”

“Incredibly,” He teased, “You’d be like Maddie.”

“Oh my god,” You gasped, laughing and shoving him in the arm, “I don’t think I could ever be that bad.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He ducked away, laughing with you as he held his hands up in defense, “that was mean.”

“Very mean. To me, not to her,” You scrunch your nose at the idea of being nice to Cait’s insane ex-girlfriend. The sounds of Jinx - and presumably also Ekko - very excitedly arriving brought your conversation to a close, “Oh fuck, I have got to finish this float plan. Tell the others I’ll be out in a sec?”

“Yeah, of course,” Viktor agreed, heading to the door.

“Oh wait, you can swim right?” You asked, scribbling information across pages, glancing up to tell him, “Cause I will make you wear a life jacket if you can’t.”

“Better than I can walk,” Viktor assured you, tapping his cane against the side of his leg, “this thing is almost functional in water.”

“Okay good, you pass.” You went back to the paper, “Now get, you’re a distraction.”

When he walked back out onto the bright deck, Viktor tried to calm himself. It felt like a triumph to be called your distraction.

------

Eventually, when all the paperwork was done and everything was secured, Jayce and Vi helped you pull in the mooring lines and you set off. Everyone but you hung out on the deck. Lest tried to get you to take a shot with the rest of them, you reminded her that you were in fact operating a vehicle. She called you lame. At some point, Viktor forced himself to stop hovering. He reminded himself that he had other friends, most of which were fairly new and he really should get to know them. 

He let Jayce put a cheap beer in his hand, the condensation on the outside making him cringe, and he stood around just talking, or mostly listening. Ekko spoke to him about a personal project he was working on that had something to do with the theory of time. Viktor made note to return to this idea at a time when neither he nor Ekko were drinking. Jinx and Vi tried to get him to settle a debate, but Viktor was truly unable to tell what they were debating. The sisters bickered back and forth before eventually deciding the only way to win whatever argument this was, was to see who could shotgun a seltzer faster. Entertaining until Vi gagged and nearly threw up. Cait and Jayce were also up to some semi-sibling bickering. This was easier for Viktor to follow; Cait didn’t see a reason to randomly give Vi flowers, Jayce thinks this is ridiculous and claims that he gives flowers to Mel at least every other week. Cait doesn’t believe him. Jayce pulls up the receipts on his phone. Viktor tells them that there is nothing wrong with either of their perspectives. Mel likes flowers constantly, she should get them. Vi has no strong desire for flowers, they’re probably appreciated but not a necessity. Jayce booed him for being pragmatic. 

Unfortunately, Lest and Mel didn’t give him the opportunity to stay quiet. They interrogated Viktor like journalists. What town was he from? Was he straight? Did he have a secret partner back home? Did he plan to stay in the U.S. forever? Was he a virgin? Was he actually in love with Jayce?  Viktor appeased the girls by answering simply. Černošice. Not exactly. No. Possibly. No. Also, no. Both asked him out of prying curiosity, but there was something just a little different behind Lest’s words and expressions. At that moment he knew that she knew about what had happened in the garage.  She was interrogating him specifically as your friend. 

Eventually the boat came to a drifting stop. Lest tilted her head, the teasking look behind her eyes telling him he was certainly saved by the bell. He was grateful when you came trotting out the helm to drop anchor. The spot was gorgeous. Just underneath a tall bluff and nestled between several rock formations pulling themselves out of the water just off shore. The sun reflected off the water, the waves broken up and made gentle by the pillars of rock.

“Cool, right?” You said, suddenly by his elbow, smiling at the awe on his face.

“This is incredible,” He breathed, looking up. Sea birds flocked around their unseen nests at the tops of the pillars. 

“Best unknown place out here,” You told him, accepting a Corona from Lest now that the boat was turned off.

“How can this place be unknown?” Viktor turned his eyes to the mainland, green grass reflecting silver as the wind blew through it. There was nothing else but a field at the top of the bluff.

“Local’s keep it a secret,” You shrugged, “That’s private land right there and the only people that boat this far South are commercial fishermen, usually.”

“And you’re a local?” He raised an eyebrow at you.

“Yessir,” You nodded, then pointed East out towards the open water, “and my dad used to fish, like, 6 miles out that way.”

“You came here as a kid?” 

“Yep,” You pushed a slice of lime into the bottle and took a sip, “A couple times a summer at least.” 

Before Viktor could ask anything else, Jayce loped up and hooked an arm over his shoulder to drag him into a game of beer pong against Mel and Sky. You laughed at the exaggerated fearful look he threw over his shoulder as he was pulled away to the table. The game was easy, he sunk every ball and almost felt bad at the rate he was making the girls drink. At the end Mel demanded a mix and rematch. She sent Viktor to stand next to Sky and took her place next to her boyfriend. This game was much less successful. Sky was already tipsy at the start of this round and continuously distracted herself by asking Viktor questions. He answered cordially and made sure to ask her just as many, hoping to not hurt her feelings. Eventually Viktor decided to cut Sky off, drinking double to keep her from poisoning herself an hour into the day.

He let Sky hold on to him when she reached out to steady herself, but didn’t reciprocate the action aside from grabbing her a few times before she tipped over. After catching the look that Mel threw to Sky, he began to think he may have been set up. As the game neared its end, he began to worry about what to do about her. Sky was lovely. She deserved someone that wasn’t pining over a different girl, and that wasn’t him. Maybe he’d mention it to Jayce, see if Mel could call her off…or he could just be a man about it and let her down himself. His worrying was interrupted by you and Lest. Viktor tried to ignore the fact that you had stripped off your jean shorts and were in fact not exaggerating when you called the bottom half of the one piece ‘borderline explicit’.

“Did everyone put on sunscreen?” Lest asked as you and her approached the table, both armed with bottles of SPF 50.

“Yes mom,” Sky giggled, cheeks flushed as she swayed lightly on her feet.

“Liar!” Lest accused, walking up behind Sky and tapping a finger against her already reddening shoulder, “You missed like half of your body.”

Sky hissed as Lest dumped the cold sunscreen on her shoulder, flinching away and complaining, “I don’t like how it smells.” She let Lest touch her anyways. 

“Well, you’re gonna not like how your skin feels in an hour more,” You informed her, then turned to Viktor with a raised eyebrow, “What about you?”

“SPF 70,” He assured you, vaguely gesturing to the pale skin off his arms, “I’d be dead already without it.”

“Hm, did you get your face?” You squinted at him, “Because your cheeks are red,”

‘Yeah, ‘cause you're half naked in front of me right now,’ He thought to himself, and then said out loud, “I guess I forgot.”

“That's what I thought,” You scoffed, “Come here.”

He hesitated for a second, watching as you poured a small amount out onto your fingers. You held your hands out expectantly, nodding for him to come closer. He obeyed, stepping forward and dropping his face just enough for you to reach. You didn’t hesitate to touch him, watching your own hands as they smoothed the sunscreen across his face. With you this close to him in the bright sun he could see every detail of your face. Unashamedly he studied the color of your eyes, the dozens of shades that blended around your dark pupils, expanding and contracting just slightly as you looked around his face. The mark from the sunglasses that were now being used to hold your messy hair back away from your face was still pressed into your nose, just the slightest dent in your smooth skin. A years old scar was placed in the hollow of your cheek, so faint it would probably disappear within a year or two. The light pressure of your fingers moving against his skin felt like the only thing holding him to the planet right now. A sunscreen covered tether brushing gently across his cheeks and chin, carefully under his eye and all the way to the tips of his ears. The lotion was cool, but may as well have been boiling the way blood rushed to the upper layers of his skin.

“You know, sun exposure is worse for you than smoking,” You told him matter-of-factly, pushing hair off his forehead to keep sunscreen out of it as you rubbed your thumbs across his temples.

“I do not think that is true,” He laughed, staring at the light sheen of sweat already gathering at your hairline. He wanted to lick it away. 

“Totally is,” You scrunched your nose insistently.

“I am sure you are lying, but I’ll believe you anyway.” He told you, hoping his words didn't come off as desperate as they felt.

“As you should.” You nodded curtly, rubbing your thumbs under his jaw and dragging your hands down the column of his throat and back of his neck, the light pressure making his heart skip. You patted your hand against his chest, “All done.”

“Thank you.” He said standing upright, as you stepped away.

“Of course,” You told him, taking the sunscreen across the way to Jayce and Mel. Viktor did his best not to stare at the exposed skin of your ass as you walked away.

“Captains gotta take care of her crew,” Lest said dramatically, following you to the couple at the other end after finishing with Sky. You rolled your eyes at her with a scoff.

“Hey, I want everyone to have fun, and being burnt to a crisp is not fun.” You told them, pouring sunscreen into Jayce’s hand and letting him put it on his own face. Only because he was too tall for you to reach, Viktor told himself.

“Very thoughtful of you,” Mel said sweetly, lightly tapping your chin, “We appreciate it.”

“Well, of course,” You beamed at her, copying her accent. With that, you and Lest were off to find the rest of your friends to smother in SPF 50. As Jayce gathered up the ping pong balls to finish up the game, Viktor did his best not to stare after you like an abandoned pet and avoid the disappointed look in Sky’s eyes at the same time.

------

As the day went on, Viktor became more and more grateful you had insisted on sunscreen. The sun stayed high overhead, shrinking the shadows of the rocks and boat to nearly nothing. Once Sky had sobered up enough, the group took to the water. JInx immediately began scaling one of the pillars, jumping from a ledge ten meters up. She coaxed Jayce into doing it, too, although he didn’t stray above the five meter mark. Lest and Mel laid on some rocks just above the water line, salt drying on their skin as they absorbed the sun. 

Vi was arguing with Ekko over who would win if they were to race to a nearby buoy and back. Apparently last year they had the same argument, but never made it around to actually competing against each other.

“Why don’t you just race?” Viktor asked from where he was sitting on the edge of the rocks, calves in the water.

“Because Vi knows she’ll lose,” You told him, you were on your back, swimming in lazy circles around the pair.

“No way I’d lose!” Vi scoffed, offended.

“Then race,” Cait shrugged, leaning back on her palms where she sat next to Viktor. She raised a challenging eyebrow at her girlfriend.

“She won’t!” Ekko laughed, splashing water at Vi, “She doesn’t want to risk getting shown up.”

“In your dreams Little Man,” Vi said, invoking the childhood nickname that Viktor had heard her use only a couple of times before, “I can swim laps around you. I could swim laps around all of you.”

“Okay, let’s do it,” You stopped your circles, swimming closer to the rocks, “Let’s race.”

“You want to race me?” Vi laughed.

“I love you for your confidence, Vi,” You gave her a sarcastic smile, “Yes. Race us. If you think you can swim circles around us, prove it.”

“All of you?” Vi barked another laugh, nerves edging into the sound, “Yeah sure, let’s do it.”

“You two gonna participate?” You asked Cait and Viktor, swimming up to the space beside them.

“Yeah right,” Cait scoffed, shaking her head and eyeing the open ocean past the rocks, “I’m not swimming that far out,”

“Lame,” You groaned, “I wouldn’t let them do it if it wasn’t safe.”

“I’ll do it,” Viktor shrugged, ignoring the sideways glance Cait cast towards him.

“Really?” He was glad that the question from you was tinged with excitement as opposed to doubt.

“Yeah,” He told you, moving over as you pulled yourself out of the water, “I told you, I swim better than I walk.”

Ekko and Vi followed, the four of you lining up on the edge of the rocks as rules were established. The first to make it out, around the buoy, and back wins nothing but bragging rights. Viktor ignored the attitude Vi had about him participating. It was one that most people had when going up against him physically. Clearly she didn’t want to leave him out of it, but beating the disabled kid in a race wasn’t anything to brag about. He brushed it off. He knew what the outcome of this race was going to be. 

Cait stood to the side, waiting for everyone to settle into starting positions. When they deemed themselves ready, Cait counted down and let them go. All four of you dove into the water with varying levels of skill. It had been a couple years since Viktor had swam like this, but his muscles remembered the motion. The waves threw him off for a moment, catching him in a way that threw off his steady rhythm. It only took a moment for him to adjust, his arms cutting through the water at a rapid pace. His weaker leg kicked with less force, but the other made up for it. The motion was so familiar, it felt good to be pushing himself through the water. He felt younger. As soon as he had readjusted for the moving water, he lost sight of you and Ekko and Vi. 

As the water cooled and became darker underneath him, Viktor knew he was reaching the buoy. He began to look for it each time he tilted his head to draw in a breath. When he found it, he made a tight curve to get around it. He was close enough to kick off the side, giving him a few extra easy meters. Eventually he could hear the muffled sound of Cait cheering his name from the starting place. 

He stopped, breathing heavy as he grabbed onto the rocks with one hand, the other swiping water out of his eyes, contacts blurry. Viktor blinked and looked back to see Ekko only a couple of meters behind him. Cait cheered on you and Vi, both of you another couple of meters behind Ekko. As Ekko reached the rock, Viktor pulled himself up out of the water, sitting back in the place where he had been earlier. Ekko shook his hair as he came up out of the water, making Cait yelp and shield herself from the spray. 

“That was impressive,” Ekko laughed, knocking a fist against Viktor’s thigh as he tried to catch his breath.

“Eh, sure” Viktor shrugged off the compliment as you and Vi reached them, stopping in what could definitely be considered a tie. 

“Okay, So Viktor is an olympian and just hasn’t told us,” Ekko told you and Vi.

“Yeah, Viktor won by, like, alot,” Cait agreed, then turned to Vi, “Sorry, babe.”

“Also, I didn’t win, but I did beat you,”  Ekko said, jabbing a finger at Vi who looked incredibly unamused.

You dragged yourself up out of the ocean, water pouring from your hair as you sat next to Viktor. You bumped him with your shoulder, eyebrow raised as you asked him, “Aren’t you from a landlocked country? Where did that come from?”

“I was on the, uh, adaptive, I think you’d call it here,” The words were unfamiliar in english, “Yes, I was on the adaptive swim team in my town. Made it to nationals most years.”

“That’s impressive,” You nodded, your tone light when you said, “Didn’t know I was racing against a professional. Almost unfair isn’t it?”

“Eh, you also lost to Ekko and Vi, who are not professionals,” He pointed out, raising an eyebrow at you, “I believe you would have lost regardless of my skill.”

You gasped in mock offence, slapping him lightly with the back of your hand, “Rude!”

“What, you want me to lie to you?” He laughed, the others were out of the water now.

“How does it feel to be wrong, Vi?” Ekko asked, puffing out his chest with his hands on his hips proudly. Vi punched him in the stomach, not hard enough to actually hurt him, but enough to make him huff and bend over.

“Gonna make you eat those words Little Man,” Vi told him, “Next year I’ll whoop your ass.”

“Can’t wait to beat you again,” Ekko said, still hunched over as he flipped her off. 

Viktor turned his attention to you as Vi and Ekko began to rough house trying to push each other back into the water.

“What happened with you, huh?” He asked, tilting his head, “I thought the ocean was your thing?”

“It is!” You defended, shrugging, “I’m a strong swimmer, not a fast swimmer. I’ve never been in a rush when I’m in the water, ya know.”

Viktor hummed, pursing his lips as he thought about your words. 

“But, I know for a fact that I can swim deeper than anyone here,” You told him, then poked him in the chest, “Including you.”

“Hm, you are right,” He agreed, thinking for a moment and then opening his mouth to ask something else.

Before he could, Jinx shouted your name from the other side of the rock formation, cutting him off.

“What?” You called back, leaning onto your palms behind you as you waited for a reply.

“Come approve of this jumping height!” She shouted back, “Jayce won’t do it until you say it’s safe, Captain.”

“Stop calling me that!” You groaned, standing up. Viktor looked up at you, your body blocking the sun as you stood over him. You huffed, “I’ll be right back, let me go make sure our friends don’t fucking kill themselves.” “Best of luck,” He called after you, laying back against the warm rock and watching as you walked away.

------

Hours later, Viktor was floating on his back, the water cradling his body in a way that made all the pain ebb away. He watched the birds overhead, count at least three different species based on size and wing shape. He wondered what it would be like to be so free that not even the ground could hold you in place. Where he was right now was probably the closest he’d come to knowing.

“Viktor!” You called, swimming up  to him.

“Hm?” He asked, moving so he was treading water.

“Do you want to see something cool?” You asked, chin just above the water, a glint in your eyes.

“Sure…” He said, hesitant at what you were proposing.

“Good, come with me.” He followed as you swam away, off towards one of the rock pillars.

You stopped next to it, bracing a hand against the slick surface to keep the waves from pushing you into it. Viktor did the same.

“What are we doing?” He asked, looking up at the rock. He hoped you weren’t going to ask him to climb the side like Jayce did. He’d hate to disappoint you.

“Are you claustrophobic?” You asked, “Or afraid of the dark?”

“No and no,” He told you, then said your name with concern before asking again, “What are we doing?”

“Give me your hand,” You grabbed the back of his hand, guiding it down the rock under the surface of the water, “Do you feel that?”

Sure enough he could feel the edge of the rocks give way to a tunnel, he nodded.

“Good, I’ll go first,” You didn’t let his hand go, “It’ll only take a few seconds to get through, but it’ll feel like longer,” You squeezed his hand, “Just keep a hand on the wall, and don’t panic.”

He nodded, trying to even his breathing and push out the anxiety. You let go, took a deep breath and disappeared under the water. He watched as the flash of red fabric you were wearing disappeared into the rocks. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs as much as he could. Blindy he followed, doing as you told him and keeping a hand on the rocks as he pulled himself through the opening. He counted slowly in his head, reminding himself it really was only a few seconds of being blind with no oxygen. 

He gasped when he came out on the other side, wiping the water off his face. He realized he could stand here, soft sand underneath him. You steadied your hands on his biceps as he stood and looked around. You had brought him to a cave inside the center of the rock. A narrow hole extending all the way up to the surface allowing a beam of light into the small space. It reflected off the water, casting rays of light against the walls and your face as you smiled at him. The water was only up to his hips, it was enough to keep him stable, though. 

“What do you think?” Your voice echoed as you watched him observe the space.

“This is…how is this even here?” He asked, moving to look directly up the chimney. 

“I don’t know exactly, something about how the rocks formed, probably trapped air or ice or something from forever ago,” You shrugged, plucking a snail off the wall and examining it.

Every sound was loud in the space, echoing against the walls along with the sound of dripping water and gentle waves lapping against your bodies. 

“This is amazing,” He touched the wall, entranced and wanting to know more, “How did you find this place? Do all the rocks have caves in them?”

“They might, not any that I’ve been able to get into, though,” You explained, placing the snail back onto the rocky wall, “I found it when I was a kid.”

“Hm, have you shown the others this?” He turned to you, watching you from across the space. You were turned away from him, pressing on an anemone hanging limply from the wall.

“Lest knows about it, but she doesn’t like small spaces,” You shrugged, glancing over your shoulder, “Otherwise no.”

“Why’d you show me?”

“Thought you’d find it interesting,” You told him, turning around, “You like it, right?”

“Of course,” He nodded, looking around.

“I remember when I found this place, the tide was so low there was barely any water,” You barked a laugh, the sound echoing off the walls, “I stayed in so long my dad thought I drowned. It was the only time he ever yelled at me.”

“I imagine that was scary for him,” Viktor scolded jokingly.

“Ha, yeah, he told me not to come in here again, but it’s just so…” You gestured around, “Other wordly.”

“That’s a good word for it,” Everything about the space was certainly alien; the green blue light, oversaturated sound, even the slight movement of snails and tiny crabs and unsupported anemones on the walls felt like creatures from another planet.

“I used to come in here and pretend it was actually a different place,” You laughed, nostalgia in your voice, “Like everything out there was separate. Sometimes I hoped that when I left I’d be in an alternate universe.”

“Did you want things to be different,” He asked, smoothing a hand across the surface of the water. 

“Eh, at the time.” You shrugged, “In retrospect, things weren't that bad. But everything feels like the end of the world when you're eleven, right?”

“Yes, I suppose it did,” He agreed.

“Still, even now that I actually like my life…it’s nice to be a different person inside here sometimes.” You chewed on the inside of your cheek. There was something he was missing. Something about the way you were looking at him, like you were begging him to connect dots. 

He tilted his head to the side, racking his brain for wherever hint you were trying to give him. Worried that maybe there wasn’t a hint at all and he was reading into subtext that wasn’t actually there.

“So, in here we are different people?” Asking aloud made it click, “...oh, like, in here, I am not your classmate?”

“Hm, I guess not.” You shrugged innocently, meeting his eye. There it was. That’s what you wanted.

And that was all he needed. He took one quick step through the water, easily closing the distance in the cramped space, and practically fell into you. Your teeth clicked together as his lips crashed against yours. His hands held your face to his, he could taste lime as your mouth moved against him just as desperately. He pulled you away for a moment, forehead leaning against yours as he panted.

“Why can’t girls just say what they want,” He complained, unseriously, placing a light kiss against the side of your mouth.

“Where’s the fun in that,” You teased, hands squeezing his waist playfully. He pulled you to him again, hands still on your jaw and nape of your neck, you pushed him away gently, bringing your hand into the space between your bodies, “We only have half an hour before the tide rises,” you set a time on your watch.

“And you didn’t just ask me to kiss you immediately,” He whined, moving his hands down to the small of your back, “What is wrong with you.”

“Hey, I had stuff to say,” You laughed, looping your arms over his shoulders, “Besides, I can’t let myself seem desperate.”

“Yeah and touching my face earlier in front of everybody, in front of Sky, definitely wasn’t desperate at all,” He teased, lips close enough to brush against yours when he spoke.

“Hey,” You grabbed his hair pulling him away an inch. He couldn’t help the way his breath hitched in his throat and his eyes fell halfway closed, “I was helping.”

Viktor didn’t respond, he just pulled against your hand to kiss you again, slow and controlled. Your lips were parted for him already and he took the invitation, tongue sweeping across your teeth. Your tongue was burning hot in comparison to how cold your lips were. The taste made him weak. He grabbed your wet hair, pulling your head back with gentle force.

You whined at the loss of contact, panting and looking down your nose at him.

“Vik, please,” You begged, nails digging into his shoulders. He shuddered, eyes falling closed as he tried to breath, the feeling of your hands on him and half his name in your mouth almost too much to handle, “Fuck, please kiss me.”

He pressed his lips to the column of your neck briefly. Then the taste of sunscreen and saltwater filled his mouth as he licked from your collar bone to your jaw to the spot behind your ear. He wasn’t necessarily a prideful person, but he sure as hell felt like the biggest man alive at the shuddering moan you let out just from him tasting your skin. He bit at your jaw, breathing you in.

“Don’t leave marks,” You gasped, hands tangling into his wet hair.

“God I want to,” Viktor groaned, palms moving down the curve of your ass and pressing you to him, “I want you so bad.”

“We don’t have time,” You told him, pulling his face up to meet yours, desperate when you told him, “Just take what I can give you for right now.”

“Gladly,” He scoffed, dipping back down to your mouth. 

He kissed you like he’d die if he stopped. His tongue found every surface in your mouth, licking into you like food. You accepted it all enthusiastically, biting his lips and sucking gently on his tongue when ceded control for a moment. He could feel the water rising above his waist already. He took advantage of this, bending down slightly and grabbing the back of your legs. You gasped as he picked you up and held you against him, the water making it an easy task. 

“Vik,” You warned, clearly uncertain about this. You smoothed a hand over his cheek, he leaned into it heavily, eyes fluttering shut as he took a deep breath.

“It’s fine,” He assured, eyes hooded, “I’m fine, I’ve got you.”

He pressed a kiss to your sternum, loving the weight of you against him. Savoring the feeling of something he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to do again. You relaxed. Wrapping your legs around his waist and your arms around his shoulders as you kissed him again, letting yourself be held. He kept one hand on the underside of your thigh, just under the curve of your ass, fingers kneading into the soft flesh there. His other moved to your hip, brushing under the tight line of your swimsuit to feel your skin under his fingers. Your motion was fluid as you kissed, a push and pull that felt perfected like this wasn’t only the second time you had done it.

“I think about you all the time,” Viktor panted as you pulled away slightly to breathe, “all the fucking time.”

“Don’t tell me that,” You said sadly, “This can’t leave here. Out there this doesn’t exist.”

“Why? You want me. I want you,” He held you closer, pressing as much of his body against yours as he could, “What the fuck are we doing?”

“I’m sorry,” You muttered, hands shaking at the feeling of him against you, “I can’t. You know I can’t. Please, just take what I’m giving you. Let this be enough for now.”

Your words from earlier were sadder now. Clearly hard enough for you to stick to without him begging. He pulled back, your hand back on his face as he watched you. The desperation in your eyes was begging him to just enjoy this moment. He pressed his forehead to yours, nodding with his eyes closed. He could feel your eyelashes against his skin. 

“Just kiss me, please,” Your voice was soft, but loud in the cramped space.

He did as you asked. He wanted more time. He wanted to kiss you slow and deep. He wanted to make you feel good, he wanted to lie with you forever. He didn’t have that time, so he let himself rush. Trying to squeeze in a month's worth of kisses into whatever time he had left. You reciprocated, licking into his mouth, breathing him in. Your hands wandered over his shoulders, feeling the muscles move under his skin, the way goosebumps were left in the wake of your fingertips. You pulled away enough to kiss him on the side of the mouth, teeth grazing across his skin as he tilted his head back for you. The light from above shined into his eyes, warming his face as your tongue warmed his neck. He wanted you to leave marks on him again. The one you had left last time was faded and gone. No longer there for him to press into with his fingers to remind him. He knew you wouldn’t.

The water was almost up to your shoulders now. Raising higher, threatening to take you away from him. He held you tighter, hands moving over you. He couldn’t guarantee you’d ever let him touch you again, he needed this. He wanted the feeling of you burned into his palms. He wanted scorch marks in the shape of your lips on his neck. He didn’t want to feel anything else ever again. 

Your watch let out a string of shrill beeps. You groaned, pulling your mouth away from his skin, “We have to go,” you told him, eyes closed and nose pressed to the spot just under his ear.

“No.” He said, pulling you back to his lips. His tongue slipped back into your mouth, lips sealed to yours.

You hummed, pulling away from him slightly, lips still on his as you spoke, “Vik, we’ll drown.”

“I’m fine with that,” He was. He’d gladly die kissing you if that was an option. 

“I’m not,” You laughed against his mouth, “You can’t ask me out at the end of the semester if we’re dead.”

“An unfortunate truth,” He punctuated his words with kisses.

“Sorry we can’t have everything we want,” You told him, unwillingly unhooking your legs from his hips, and standing on your own. Viktor groaned in frustration, head in your shoulder. He didn’t want to let himself be bitter, but it was hard knowing there was nothing real, nothing tangible, keeping you away from him, “Let’s go.”

You stepped away, moving through the water to where the entrance of the cave was, “There will be resistance on the way out, just use the rocks to help move out and don’t panic.”

He watched you take a deep breath, then reached out for you, “Wait.”

He pulled you against him one last time, kissing you with as much want and purpose as he could gather in his body. Grateful when you kissed him back letting him envelope you. He pecked your lips until you giggled when he pulled away, letting himself smile against your mouth.

Without saying anything else you took a deep breath and disappeared below the water, swimming out with Viktor on your heels. You gasped as you resurfaced on the other side, squinting into the bright sun. You held on to the rocks and to him as you both got your bearings and let your eyes adjust. 

You snorted a laugh, “Do I also look like I’ve just been kissing someone for the past half hour?” 

He admired you for a moment. Yes you definitely did, lips swollen and cheeks flushed a soft red, “You look gorgeous.”

“Shut up, Viktor,” You scoffed, splashing water at him gently before swimming away.

He swam over to you, breaking the rules just for a moment as he pulled you against his chest, one arm wrapped around your waist while the both of you treaded water, “Vik.”

“What?” You raised an eyebrow, swallowing hard and glancing warily down at his lips. He wasn’t going to kiss you, you had made it clear that wasn’t allowed.

“I like when you call me Vik,” He admitted.

“Hm, I thought nicknames weren’t allowed,” You tilted your head, smile tugging at the corner of your mouth.

“Yes, from everyone but you,” He told you, leaning forward and rubbing his face against your cheek, the sun warming his back already, “You can call me whatever you want to, but I like when you call me Vik.”

You gave a content hum and returned the gesture, pressing your cheek against his, “Hm, good to know, Vik.”

“Is this breaking the rules?” He asked, pressing his nose to the spot just under your ear, breath warm against your wet skin. 

“Most definitely,” You tried to laugh to hide the shudder that ran across your body. 

With that he let you go, reluctantly watching as you swam away towards the others. He wished he could sink to the ocean floor or maybe spend his life in the air, just somewhere where he would stop wanting you.

------

As the sun sank closer and closer to the grassy horizon, Viktor did his best to soak in as much of the feeling as he could. He laid himself out on one of the flat west facing rocks, hands under the back of his head and eyes closed. This was one of the few days in what felt like months that he wasn’t thinking about class or research or future internships. 

“Channeling Rio?” He recognized your voice behind his closed eyes.

“Indeed,” He hummed a laugh, “Snakes have the right idea with this whole war rocks thing, it’s very pleasant.”

You laughed softly at him. He could see your face in his mind perfectly.

“We have to leave in like an hour or so,” You told him, “Just letting you know,”

“Hm, thank you,” He cracked an eye open. You were sitting on your knees, a few feet away from him, and holding an odd rock in your hands. You hadn’t noticed that he was looking at you yet and he watched as your eyes traveled up the line of his body. An almost imperceptible blush painting your cheeks when you met his eyes.

“You’re gonna have weird tan lines from the tape,” You told him, glancing back down to his knee, “Does it really help as much as your brace?”

“Eh, I wouldn’t say as much,” He said, moving to where he was leaning back on his elbows. He lifted his knee, examining the new color that developed around the tape. It certainly couldn’t be called a tan, but it was a slightly different shade than when he had woken up this morning, “In the water I need the brace less, and today is what I’d consider a good day in terms of the pain.”

You nodded, looking back up at his face. He always found himself grateful for your reactions to him when he spoke about the physicalness of his body. You neve flinched away. You never looked at him with pity. The questions you asked never made him feel like he was being examined. You never made assumptions about how he was feeling or what he needed. You didn’t point out when something changed, didn’t make a big deal on days he wore a more intense brace or had a crutch instead of a cane. It also never felt like it was because you simply didn’t care. He felt seen by you in a way that was unfamiliar to him. The closest anyone has ever gotten aside from his mother was Jayce, and even he had his overwhelming flurries of concern occasionally. 

“What’s that?” Viktor asked you, breaking the eye contact he wasn’t sure how long he had been holding and nodding down to what you were holding.

“Oh!” You glanced down, looking at it like you had forgotten it was there, “Oh, yeah, wait.”

You scooted closer to him in your knees, holding whatever it was gingerly in your palm. You were close enough for him to see what it was now. An oyster shell. No, not the shell. A live oyster, a thick rock was jammed in between the two shells, holding it open. You dipped a finger into the flesh between the shells, then another as you dug for something in the muscles. Your tongue was caught between your teeth, eyes focused as you worked. Viktor wasn’t quite sure what you were doing, but he could tell you were doing your best to not harm the mollusk inside. Fingers moving, slow and gentle. He blinked away a cloud of dirty thoughts. Deeming this not the time.

“Ah, got it!” You gasped, then pulled your fingers out of the shell, clutching something in your palm, “One sec.”

You pried the rock out of the oyster, the imobile creature clattering to the rock when it snapped shut. You picked it up, leaned over to the edge of the water and dropped it back into the ocean, swishing whatever was in your other hand around in the salt. Then you turned back to Viktor, moving even closer to him, your bent knees almost touching his thigh.

You beamed and held your palm out to him. In the center of your hand was a small asymmetrical pearl, “For you!”

Viktor stared at the pretty offering in your hand for a moment, unable to form a coherent thought. You shoved your hand a little closer, urging him to take it with an eager expression on your face. Slowly he reached forward, picking up the pearl and looking at it closer. The sheen was a soft pink color, layers of gray mixed in. It was shaped oddly, almost circular but the layers of minerals still held the shape of whatever they had formed around. 

“Pro mě?” His voice came out softer than he expected it to, not thinking when he spoke in his native language.

“Mhm,” You moved closer to him, a palm placed on his thigh, “Do you like it?”

“It’s gorgeous… how,” Viktor scoffed, realizing he would never be able to predict whatever odd move you were planning next.

“The oysters around these rocks produce a lot of pearls,” You shrugged, “I don’t know why, it honestly doesn't make much sense. I’ve wanted to do research on it, but I also don’t want people to know that they’re here.”

“You didn’t kill it?” He asked, rolling the pearl in his fingers, “Others would have, right?”

“Eh, probably,” You scoffed, nodding, “It’s hard to catch them open enough, but I’ve gotten better at it.”

“What an interesting skill to have.” He mused.

“I’m glad you think so,” You fidgeted for a moment, then leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to his cheek. Instantly he leaned into the pressure of your lips on his skin, sucking in a sharp breath and missing the contact the instant you pulled away, “Don’t tell anyone where you got it, if people know about the pearls, they’ll ruin this place.”

He nodded at you, closing his fist tightly around the pearl as you slipped away from him. Back into the ocean and swimming towards the others before your skin had even dried off.

[weirdsht]

cale with vice commander?? his closest confidant, the one he shares his plans with, and is close with the kids (+ choi han who uses them against cale whenever sacrificial plans happen, "I don't think miss [name] will like this" "..fine")

I Triple Dare You

a/n: I got home from uni, saw my face was as pale as a ghost, then decided to write a fic because when will I ever have the time? lol

tags: female reader, undefined relationship

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are currently closed but my ask are still open (read navi)

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“Cale-nim…”

Choi Han warns as he sees Cale abusing his ancient powers again. The man in question only sighed at the swordmaster.

“Just a little, I won’t faint.”

The redhead tried to argue but then Raon suddenly spoke in his mind.

“I’m telling [Name]! She’s just 10 steps away!”

“Don’t–”

Cale tried to say to the invisible dragon but the enemy attacked again.

“How can I stop using my powers when these things keep coming!”

He was now frustrated. If he overuses his powers the children and Choi Han are going to tattle on him.

“Cale-nim let me handle it. I don’t think Miss [Name] will like it if you faint again.”

“...Fine”

The commander relented, not wanting to see his vice commander’s sad gaze if he fainted or coughed up blood.

Everything was progressing smoothly. Choi Han and Raon take vanguard in attacking the enemies while Cale stands in the rear. He occasionally provides support, just enough to conserve his powers.

“Oh..? You haven’t fainted yet nya?”

On spoke to Cale as she and Hong regrouped with them. The silver kitten looks genuinely surprised to see Cale still conscious and well.

…It makes Cale wonder just how the children see him.

Sure his physical strength is nonexistent and he faints and coughs up blood sometimes. But still, he’s generally very healthy because of the crybaby.

“This is surprising nya! I was ready to go tell [Name] that you feel unwell again nya.”

Hong agreed with his sister’s sentiments. His paw touched Cale’s face to make sure he was really all right.

“...I know how to keep my word.”

It was true, he does. Well, at least tries to do so to the best of his abilities. The children averaging 8 years old merely hummed in approval. Probably thinking that something will happen to Cale later on.

But nothing will.

Cale already promised [Name] that he’ll take better care of himself.

“Cale, you’re aware that I worry about you right?”

[Name] spoke to him as they drank tea leisurely. They had just finished planning their next move. Everyone was away to make the necessary preparations.

“I do, even if you don’t tell me the children will keep nagging.”

That made [Name] laugh. On, Hong, and Raon seem to always take her side, even in the instances she’s not around.

“Maybe I rant to them about you too much.”

“Hmmm, maybe you’re all just very close.”

Silence filled the air. However, both are content for they are basking in each other’s presence. With how busy things are these days, they have learned to enjoy small tranquil moments like this.

“I promise I’ll try my very best to not get hurt next time.”

Cale spoke up as he finished the remaining drop of his tea. [Name] raised her brows at him.

“That includes coughing up blood okay?”

“Yes, I won’t cough up blood either.”

[Name] smiles and Cale could feel the surroundings become brighter even if it was in the middle of the night. 

Then [Name] suddenly held out her hand. Pinky sticking up, asking Cale to link his pinky with her to seal the deal. 

Cale scoffed at his vice commander as he complied with her wishes, finding the unnecessary gesture childish. However inwardly, he was happy. Even if he thinks it is childish, he’d still do it just to see that smile on her face brighten up even more.

Before Cale knew it all the enemies were taken care of and all five of them were on their way to regroup with [Name]. 

“Cale-nim I’m impressed.”

Choi Han gave the redhead a thumbs up. Cale did not dare ask what he meant, simply looking away as he used the Sound of Wind to get to [Name] faster.

The lighthearted mood changes once they get to the battlefield where their vice commander is. The scene was chaotic. Dead mana was spread everywhere and [Name] was alone defending one side. Her purification powers work overtime to make sure no one from their side will come into contact with the dead mana.

“Raon call Mary and the Dark Elves–”

“Keugh!”

Cale stopped speaking as he heard [Name]. He turns to look at her, only to see blood dripping from her mouth.

His words might have stopped but his movements did not. Cale was still instinctively moving towards his vice commander. 

Good thing that he was. For he was just in time to catch her from stumbling forward.

“You punk! You told me to not cough blood only for you to do so yourself!”

The redhead’s words were harsh. Despite that, the circles he traced on [Name]’s waist as he supported her were tender. They provided the purificator comfort as she composed herself.

“Ironic right? But the situation was unexpected. I didn’t expect them to make to sacrifice 10 ships full of dead mana…”

Cale pinched the bridge of his nose. He can’t blame [Name], none of them expected the enemy to carry literal ships of dead mana.

From a distance, he could see the Dark Elves arriving. As they did he gently stirred [Name] away from the frontlines of the battlefield. Guiding her to stand on the sidelines, letting the Mary and the Dark Elves have a feast.

“As your commander, I’m sentencing you to house arrest for being injured without permission.”

The commander suddenly spoke as they watched the Dark Elves have fun. His arm never leaves [Name]’s back. Hands still tracing comforting circles as his eyes scan her body to see if she’s hurt anywhere else.

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Oh, but I will.”

Safe to say that [Name] is not leaving the villa after this operation. Perhaps she won’t even manage to leave Cale’s room.

[yuikomorii]

I got a question but I need an objective answer please. So I saw a lot of people complain about Yui being written in a very bad way in Ayato’s routes starting with More Blood and was curious if you think that she became a bad girlfriend as the story progressed?

// I will analyze Yui’s versions from Ayato’s routes and provide an answer at the end of this post.

More Blood:

Even from the first two chapters we are aware of the fact that Yui got a big crush on Ayato merely because of his looks and pleasure he gave her. At first sight, these reasons seem very superficial, but at the same time you can’t blame her completely for that. Yui went to a normal school and used to read magazines for teens, therefore it’s obvious she would have hormones and fall in love with someone who got features portrayed as the beauty standard.

It's understandable why some found her annoying, as she repeatedly cried for Ayato's love without making any real effort to earn it. Apart from giving him her blood, she didn't try to understand what he was going through, even when she noticed changes in him that made him crave so much blood.

Nevertheless, I believe that she did redeem herself in the last chapters, where she admitted being selfish and only thinking about her own desires, instead of focusing on Ayato’s struggles too. I know she paralyzed him out of jealousy and cheated on him in the bad endings, but in the good one, she’s actually a really loyal person. Yui waited years for Ayato to wake up from the coma and Ayato searched for Yui for years in his dream until he finally woke up. This ending confirmed the genuineness of their love.

In the After Story, Ayato planned to attend university for Yui's sake, aiming to get a job and buy a house. Yui helped Ayato with his studies and praised his skills. Initially, she fell for his looks, but in the After Story, she mentioned falling in love with him again because of his caring, determined, and hardworking personality.

Vandead Carnival & Lunatic Parade:

I really liked Yui in both of Ayato's routes and honestly, I can't find anything to criticize about her behavior.

It's not that Yui was a bad partner; it's just that Ayato was portrayed as too good, such as when he ran through flames for her or protected her from a bomb explosion. But that's likely because these are fan service games, where the love interests are designed to be your knights in shining armor. xD

Dark Fate:

I absolutely loved Yui’s portrayal in that route. It was the sweetest version of Yui I’ve ever seen, and I really enjoyed seeing her so happy and soft. Regarding her relationship with Ayato, he was truly the apple of her eye, lol.

The only problematic thing she did was pushing Ayato to face his abuser, Cordelia, even though he didn’t want to. I honestly don’t care if a character does something to another character, as long as it doesn’t affect them and the story, so since Ayato didn’t get mad at her for that, I didn’t mind it much either. However, from an objective point of view, I agree that doing such a thing is quite bad. Being in the presence of someone who ruined your life can trigger intense memories and forcing a confrontation removes the victim's agency in deciding how to cope with their trauma. Ayato might not have been mad at Yui for planning that, but if it had been Laito, I’m sure he would have shown why Yui was in the wrong.

Other than that, she was a kind and supportive girlfriend throughout the whole route, clearly having no ill intent, and I appreciate that she had an actual important role in the route.

Lost Eden:

Ok, I really can’t defend her anymore there. She literally had no redeeming qualities, no matter how many times she got the chance to fix herself. I discussed my thoughts about LE Yui in this post, but I’ll sum it up.

She tried to convince Ayato that despite Cordelia abusing him, she actually did it because she “cared about his future”, and then acted surprised when Ayato started feeling uncomfortable because of her words.

Yui knew the reasons behind Ayato’s behavior, yet when his brothers started mocking him, she didn’t even try to defend him. Everyone ganged up on Ayato, and he was on the verge of a panic attack, yet she remained silent.

Another terrible scene was in one of the last chapters, when Ruki admitted to turning the Vibora Clan and Church organization against Ayato out of envy, aiming to kill him. Instead of criticizing Ruki’s actions, Yui justified them and spoke ill of Ayato behind his back. I wouldn’t like to date someone who claims to love me but keeps hurting me without learning anything… It felt as if Ayato only continued being together with her because he had no one else. No wonder he didn’t marry her there.

Chaos Lineage:

I found Yui quite boring in CL in general, but she started off as determined and sweet in his route, so I liked that.

For most of the route, Yui’s entire personality seemed to revolve around Ayato, and she didn’t do much. There were many cheesy moments between them that made me cringe. Still, I’m sure a certain audience enjoyed those.

My only complaint is that when his brothers started treating Ayato unfairly, despite the fact that he came up with the idea of breaking the glass floor of the church, Yui did nothing to defend him, again.

However, I do appreciate that she gave him that adorable monologue. I just wish she had done it in front of others instead of only acting when Ayato was already insecure and sad.

Now… let’s see what kind of girlfriend Yui was in each route by judging her progress:

MB: Good

VC: Good

DF: Very good

LP: Good

LE: Very bad

CL: Decent

[xoxochb]

dated february 28

——— ౨ৎ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

this has been the most uneventful and boring and stupid week of my life.

I’ve been sick since saturday with the flu and while it is for the most part gone it’s still there faintly.

but at least I get to be babied by percy. or really that’s until I start complaining and complaining and then he ignores me. I pull his hair and that gets him talking. kinda like a children’s toy !

I think he’s been doing something differently because he’s looked extra nice this week. maybe he’s pregnant and that’s why he’s glowing. he told me once that female seahorses get the males pregnant because they have a pouch which can carry the eggs.

I asked him once if he’d like to be seahorses with me so I could get him pregnant. he said “no thank you” but offered to impregnate me instead. unsurprisingly, I said “no thank you” and to wait until we’re older. that made him happy so I was happy too.

but I seriously think he’s doing something though. or maybe it’s just because summer is on the horizon. I can’t wait until it’s hot outside and I get to see him shirtless every day. though I do during winter too anyways…

on that thought, I do everyday. but you get the point, it’s still nice.

he convinced mr. d to let him take a week long trip to see his family. which I’m happy for him because I know he misses them. but I’m going to miss him too! maybe even more! :(

but luckily I’ve prepared myself for this moment! I took a couple of his clothes back to my cabin so he can’t find them so when he leaves, his clothes will still smell like him so I can wear them. and cry in my bed maybe possibly probably.

percy asked me not to cry while he leaves but it’s hard not to because we’re together 99% of our lives and when he’s gone it’s kinda boring.

and it’s sad because I’ll miss him.

but I won’t think about this until the time comes.

today I made a playlist for us. it’s songs I like that remind me of percy and some of him and me both. I almost let him help me find the perfect songs but I knew he’d end up making it just a bunch of led zeppelin songs so I decided against that idea.

but I did make him sit through the entire playlist and rate each song. he said it was a 10/10 playlist because I made it. I guess that’s progress!

percy told me he was going to make a playlist himself for me so I’m kinda excited to see what he’s putting on it. and kind of nervous you never know with him.

he’s kind of suffocating me right now. he passed out after we shared a bowl of ice cream but I presume that any minute he’ll be up and bouncing off the walls. by then I would become sleepy. that’s a later problem though…

for right now I’ll just enjoy watching his peaceful state. I like watching him sleep it’s nice. he’s very pretty and I like his hair. and his eyes, sea green is my favorite color. but his eyes are closed right now. I’ll take a look later.

I think I should go to sleep before he wakes up so well actually get around to sleeping tonight because most nights we don’t sleep and stay up until, like, three in the morning and that’s usually when he crashes.

then we miss breakfast and he cooks me something for brunch. today he made me heart shaped pancakes and they even had chocolate chips!!!!!! I gave him a large kiss in return. he asked for more since he had even taken it upon himself to add powdered sugar. I told him tonight.

and that idiot remembered. so as he asked, I granted.

but I just keep talking….. I should rest my eyes and my wrist before it falls off.

xoxo, sweet girl <3

[agendabymooner]

SOMETHING DIVINE !!! TOTO W. X FEM!READER (18+)

summary: toto shows his appreciation for his pregnant wife. (part two-ish of something intoxicating)

💌 re:moony's planner request: "reader actually getting pregnant after toto fucked her out after a long neglect and him being really exited for this chapter in their life."

content warning: smut under the cut (minors dni!), use of explicit language, insecurities, pregnant!reader, body worship, breeding/impregnation kink, creampie, i did not proofread this lol

note: i am not sure if this was meant to be a fluff or a smut request so i decided to 🤷‍♀️ make it a smut 🤷‍♀️ enjoy xx (also! please don't hesitate to give me your opinion!!!)

something sinful (smut) masterlist

a - n masterlist // o - z masterlist

if you’d like to get on one of my taglists, check this post out

he didn’t think that she could get any sexier than she was before. but alas. 

here she was: her figure, her sweet sweet figure, had a small protrusion on her stomach that indicated a sign of life within her. she was the most attractive woman to have ever existed, and, when they learned that they were expecting, there was a growing sense of protection and primal desire within toto that he couldn’t even explain.

he couldn’t help it; his cock wouldn’t stop from making itself hard after looking at her body. she was growing a life, for fucks sake— and she was doing so in the most amazing way possible. it was making toto hornier than usual. 

but she wasn’t aware of it. in fact, she often voiced out how her skin continued to stretch and showed marks as the baby progressively grew.

her insecurities, ones that continued to grow as much as her baby did, were something she hid away from toto. she didn’t want to make them a big deal considering that he was already stressed enough during this season.

she often spoke to lewis’ physiologist, angela, about this kind of matter and hadn’t approached anyone else as she continued to spend her time at the paddock. if anyone else knew— they’d immediately tell toto. that would mean that she was burdening her husband with this matter. 

toto hadn’t meant to walk in the conversation, but he couldn’t find himself to refrain from listening when she and angela spoke while in the garage.

“the baby’s growing real fast,” angela told the woman with fascination, “i reckon he’d have long legs like his daddy.”

and instead of offering a happy laugh, the woman let out a small pitiful chuckle as angela then asked, “oh no. don’t tell me—?”

toto’s wife sighed, “i dunno. i’m supposed to be happy— and i am! ‘s just—“ she placed her hand over the stomach and rubbed the bulge soothingly. she continued, “i don’t feel like this is me. my body— dunno. it’s silly, don’t you think?” 

“it’s not,” angela reassured the woman. “it’s normal to feel that way. you have to understand that your body is growing a baby and that they require a little more space than food usually does.” 

“i shouldn’t feel bad,” the woman said with a solemn smile, “i’m very excited, really. this is my first kid— this is toto’s first kid. but at the same time i feel like i’d lose his attention the moment this kid pops out and i don’t have the body i used to—“

“hey, hey!” angela gave the woman a warning look, “enough with that. you look absolutely divine— toto would be stupid if he doesn’t appreciate your body and what it’s doing for his son.” 

toto stood behind the door and continued listening. he wasn’t sure if he was upset at his wife for not coming to him sooner to talk about her feelings. but he was certain that he was upset at her for thinking that she wasn’t worth being appreciated because of her body. 

he had to do something. he could still do something as a loving and appreciative partner while she did all the hard work. 

and that’s what he did. he couldn’t help himself when she came out of the bathroom with nothing but a slip dress on that night. the way her silk nightwear accentuated her curves made toto’s cock twitch in his trousers. 

he couldn’t help but sink down to devour every part of her. at first, she wondered what prompted him to act like this— to act so… primal and overly worshipful. but as soon as his mouth attached itself to her tender skin and fragile figure she was long gone, a gasp escaping her lips while she begged for him.

and who was he to deny his pretty, fragile wife? he would be damned if he hadn’t done anything to make her feel loved— he’d give her the world, should she demand it. 

she whimpered quietly as toto thrusted into her cunt gently, her eyes close to tearing up because of how toto treated her like she’s bound to break at some point. 

his hands travelled down her body as he groaned softly, rhythms of his hips slapping against hers were adagio as toto’s thumbs played with her stiff nipples. he hummed, “so eine hübsche frau.” such a pretty wife.

“you should see yourself, schatz,” he growled, his cock bottoming out in her as she let out a loud moan. “you’re growing my baby— our baby. haven’t seen something so beautiful before. fuuuck~ you are so sexy, it makes me want to fuck more babies into you.”

she sobbed desperately, “ngh~ i- toto.” her heels dug into his hips harder as she lifted her hips up to meet his halfway through. “want you.”

“‘m here, liebling,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss on her forehead as his pace turned up to presto as they both let out endless sounds of pleasure. the tip of his cock reaching her cervix as he began pounding into her relentlessly.

“please fuck me harder,” she begged. “wan’ you to fuck me.”

“i will,” he shushed her, “but i can’t help it. this body of yours- fuck- makes me want to take it slower. you’re so beautiful like this- all pregnant with my baby.” he nipped on her tits as he hummed in satisfaction.

“makes me want to give you more after this one comes out,” he said darkly, kissing her hard as he began to fuck her harder. “gonna give you more and make sure these tits are full of milk.”

“mm, fuck- toto~” she cried out, feeling too overwhelmed by the pleasure and excitement she had gotten out of his words and his actions. 

her cunt clenched around his cock as he chuckled sweetly and said, “oh? you want more kids then? you want to be my pregnant little wife full of my babies?” 

she only nodded frantically. toto continued to fuck her until a loud strangled noise escaped her lips.

“o- oh, fuck. ‘m cumming,” she announced, holding him closer as his thrusts became harder and faster as they both reached their highs. 

“god— fucking hell, schatz,” he muttered hastily, groaning deeply in her ear as he said, “i’m gonna cum. where do you want me?”

“i- inside, toto- fuck!” she cried out, her body shaking as her walls throbbed around him. “cum inside me, please!”

toto’s hips stuttered for a brief moment as he let out a groan, shooting his cum inside her cunt as he thrusted slowly before stilling.

with a breathless sigh, he slowly pulled out of her and watched his cum escape her hole and drip down the mattress beneath her. he looked at her fucked out face lovingly as he gave her another kiss. 

god she really was fucking divine. he wouldn’t be surprised if she was pregnant again shortly after giving birth to their firstborn. 

♡ moony’s reminder 🅶 (general): @hiraethrhapsody @avaleineandafryingpan @topguncultleader @enhacolor @roseandtulips @woweewoowa @magnummagnussen @happy-nico @architect-2015

♡   moony’s reminder 🅴 (explicit edition): @glitterf1 @savrose129

[petersasteria]

You're Losing Me - T.C.

Pairing: Timothée Chalamet x fem!Reader Warning/s: angsty Words: 4,155 Note: I was inspired to write my first ever timmy fic bc of @meetmyothersouls! <3

Flashing lights of the cameras and photographers calling out your name echoed the red carpet as soon as you stepped out of the limousine. You smiled brightly, excited to be attending your first red carpet event. You’re an actress that was given her big break last year and now you’re at the premier of your first ever movie starring Tom Holland and yourself. It was fun working with Tom Holland and you’ve grown closer as filming progressed. You can finally say that he’s now one of your best friends along with his girlfriend, Zendaya.

The whole time at the movie premier itself was a blur. You treasured your first ever movie, but you were way more excited for the after party. You couldn’t wait to meet new people and make new friends while you party all night.

You quickly got changed after the premiere and went straight to the after party venue. There, you saw him. Timothée Chalamet. You’ve obviously never met him before, but you always wished to be even in the same room as him and there he was, talking to Tom and Zendaya.

Tom glanced your way and motioned you to come over. “There’s Y/N!” Tom smiled.

Timothée looked in your direction and you could’ve melted right then and there. He was so magnetic. You were so drawn to him that everything began to move in slow motion. He gave you a warm smile and when you were finally with the group, he offered his hand for you to shake and simply said, “I’m Timothée. It’s nice to finally meet you!” 

You shook his hand and blushed a little, “I’m Y/N, and it’s nice to meet you too! I’m a huge fan of yours.” 

“Really? Because, I’m a fan of yours too. The way you portray your character is amazing and it feels real, if that makes sense. There’s no doubt that you’re very talented and I’m excited to see more of your work!” Timothée said.

“T, you don’t need to be so formal around her.” Zendaya chuckled. 

“Oh, that’s alright! It’s actually pretty cute.” You giggled. Tom and Zendaya looked at each other with a knowing smile before looking back at both of you.

“Z and I will get drinks for us four. We’ll be back.” Tom said as he winked at you. You found it weird, but you shrugged it off.

“So…” you started. Timothée looked at you and asked, “Are you nervous? I don’t know, I just feel that vibe from you right now.”

“Yeah, I kind of am.” You admitted with a laugh. You sighed in relief after getting that off of your chest. Timothée laughed and said, “What are you nervous about?”

“Honestly? Seeing you made me nervous. You’re just so great and being able to stand next to you is already such an honor. You’re, like, my celebrity crush.” You told him. It surprised you how casual you were in saying all that. He was surprised to know that he was your celebrity crush.

When the after party ended, he followed you back on Instagram and asked for your number. From then on you’ve been texting non-stop. You started becoming friends and Tom was really happy for you. Turns out, he and Zendaya have been wanting to set you up with Timothée for a long time and they seized the opportunity when they found out he was invited to attend the after party.

After a year of being friends, he asked you to be his girlfriend. Of course, you said yes despite hearing many people tell you that he’s sort of a playboy. You didn’t care because the only thing that mattered was you and him. Immediately, headlines about your new relationship began to emerge. He was your first serious boyfriend and in the headlines, you were just another one of his girlfriends. It hurt that people saw you that way, but Timothée reassured you that he loves you and he’s serious about you too.

The first year of your relationship with Timothée was the best. He took you to Paris and gave you a promise ring. “I know it’s not an engagement ring and I know how much you want to get married, but I just want to give you this ring as a promise that I’ll replace it with an engagement ring someday.” He said as he blushed. His nose was pink because of the cold and he slipped the ring on your finger before giving your hand a kiss. You smiled at him and gave him a huge hug. “I can’t wait!” You exclaimed happily. You truly loved him with all your heart. You felt nothing but utter bliss.

Along with the first year of your relationship came some small struggles. Timothée got busier with movie projects left and right and you were struggling a bit in handling your new fame. You were lucky that Timothée was there for you to help you. You attended all of his movie premieres and he attended all of your important events too. Everyone loved both of you and even called you “couple goals”. You were supportive of each other and his fans were thankful for you for posting pictures of him often. Both of your fan bases grew from there. Despite the growing popularity, you and Timothée started a tradition. You and him decided that every Friday night would be your “indoor-catch up-dinner date”. You loved every second of it.

The second year of your relationship your acting started to boom. Soon, your name was as big as Timothée’s. Seeing as your relationship was very public, many directors always cast you and  Timothée alongside each other for a more real chemistry on and off screen. Your Instagram was soon full of behind the scenes photos of you and Timothée. The fans absolutely loved it. This continued on until the fourth year of your relationship. Because of the money you both earned, both of you decided to buy a house together to move into. It was you and him against the world.

Timothée entered one of the rooms and was in awe. It was empty, but the light that shone through the window made the room more beautiful. It wasn’t the master’s bedroom, but it was special. Without thinking, Timothée looked at the realtor and said, “We’ll buy it!” You looked at him like he was crazy, “We didn’t see the other houses yet.”

“I know, but this room right here is too special to pass up. The light in here is just as gorgeous as you and y’know we could make this our game room or a date night room. We could slow dance in here or play cards or work. I’m just so excited to be spending some time with you here.” He said as he lovingly looked at you.

The fifth year of your relationship started being rocky. You never thought anything of it. Timothée did bring up the idea of not accepting projects that have something to do with you and him being together. “Oh, may I ask why?” You asked, wondering why he brought it up. “Y/N, I love you, but I miss being able to work with other people. I hope you don’t take it the wrong way. I loved working with you as a couple for, like, three years. We made over six movies together and I cherish every single one of them. I just want to work with someone now.” He confessed. It hurt hearing him say that, but you knew he was right. Both of you needed to grow as actors and for that to happen, you had to work with different people. You looked at him and gave him a small smile, “Alright. I understand.”

“Thank you.”

Soon, he was casted in a lot of movies with different people and you decided to widen your range. You walked on runways, you starred in commercials, you guested on podcasts, and you starred in music videos. You were always present when Timothée had a premiere, but he started lessening his public appearances with you at your events. Everyone didn’t seem to notice. Maybe because his projects were overshadowing yours or maybe because your important events didn’t seem as important as his. You didn’t mind, though. You just longed for him to be next to you.

In your sixth year, a video of Timothée went viral when an interviewer asked about you and his smile dropped a bit and said, “Y/N’s doing great. I’m happy for all her achievements. As much as I want to talk about her, I’d like to focus on the film please. That’s what we’re all here for, anyway.”

Meanwhile, a video compilation of you talking about Timothée went viral. Many fans noted how different you two are. Many say you didn’t deserve him. Others say that you’re too clingy for Timothée’s liking. You decided to post on your Instagram story, defending Timothée.

You defended him a lot more times after that.

You got nothing in return, though.

You stared at the promise ring on your finger during your seventh year and wondered when Timothée would propose. You were experiencing the seven year itch; it’s your make it or break it year as a couple. Many fans speculated a break up after seeing Timothée do nothing. You still defended him amidst all negativity. You posted him all the time and he only posted you once on your birthday. You were growing tired, but you faced every single day with a smile on your face, hoping to trick yourself into being your usual self.

Timothée started bailing on your Friday night dates, often choosing to party with his friends to celebrate something that didn’t concern you. You still cooked and made the whole place look nice, though. You didn’t know why. Maybe deep down you knew that your relationship is in shambles and that you needed to convince yourself that everything’s fine. You knew many people were questioning Timothée’s love for you and in an effort to save his reputation, you took a picture of all the food you prepared and posted it on Instagram with the caption: tim may be out with his friends now, but he made sure to cook these for me before leaving. thank you, my love.

You didn’t know what hurt you most: the fact that you did that or the fact that Timothée liked the post and commented “no problem. Anything for you. Enjoy.”

You cried yourself to sleep that night. Timothée arrived home when you were silently crying. You felt the bed dip down on his side and he whispered, “Thanks for the food. I’ll eat it tomorrow.”

You made it through another year. It’s your eighth year dating Timothée and he still hasn’t made his promise come true. However, you drowned yourself in your work. So much so, that you were even busier than Timothée now. Headlines were vile, though. Timothée was out of the country filming his new movie and you attended red carpets on your own. Many people compared your relationship with Tom and Zendaya. Many people attacked you for Timothée’s lack of presence.

“Y/N! It’s so great to see you. How do you feel that Timothée is not here with you on your special day? You’ve been nominated as Best Actress in your new film, but Timothée is nowhere to be found.” The interviewer asked.

“He’s out of the country filming for his new movie, actually! I’m extremely happy for him. He’s been truly blessed.” You smiled brightly at the interviewer despite feeling sick to your stomach as you had to put up an act in front of the interviewer.

“Well, I’m sure he would make time for you. Tom Holland always finds a way to support Zendaya on the red carpet all the time. Why can’t Timothée do the same?” 

“Um,” You started. You feel so uncomfortable right now. “I don’t think you should compare my relationship with others because every relationship is different. Timothée supports me too in his own way. He’s a silent cheerleader, always has been and I accept him for it. Thank you.” You said before walking away. You wanted to cry.

After that, Timothée never even called or texted to ask if you were okay and how the event went. You entered the room you and Timothée loved and sat alone in the dark and cried. You were so tired of feeling this way, but you loved him with all your heart.

Your ninth year comes around and you find yourself glaring at Timothée almost always. You were just waiting for him to break up with you already so you could move on with your life. However, Timothée has been spending time with you a lot lately which made it hard for you to get mad at him. Even if what he’s doing is the bare minimum. He’s been taking you out on dates, he was bringing back the Friday night catch-ups, he’s posting you more on social media, and he even took a break from acting just to be with you on set. It gave the fans joy. It gave news outlets something to report about. Most of all, it gave you hope. Maybe the old him is finally back for good.

During your tenth year, a lot of people were confused. Everyone thought you’d be married with children by now. An interview of you and Timothée from ten years ago recently went viral. In the video, the interviewer asked you and Timothée where your relationship stands in ten years. Timothée, in the video, simply answered, “probably still together” with a small chuckle. You, on the other hand, excitedly said, “by then we’d most likely be married for about five years with two or three young children”. The fan who posted the short clip on Twitter captioned it with: it’s been ten years, but nothing happened at all i hope my parents are okay :(( 

Your body language has been on autopilot for a while now. In front of the cameras, you smiled brightly and laughed more, but if you looked closely, your eyes had no life. Your heart grew cold too. You were immune to any shenanigans Timothée has put you through. After years of not being in the same movie together, you and Timothée were casted as the main characters of a film by Greta Gerwig.

In the press conference, one interviewer asked you and Timothée about the video that went viral. “Yeah, we saw the video. I forgot about that to be honest.” Timothée chuckled as he looked at you with a small smile. You never looked back at him, though. You just stared at the interviewer and said, “I forgot about it too, but y’know when you’re working, you always don’t know that a few years have already gone by. One day, you’ll just realize ‘oh wow it’s been a long time!’. So, yeah.”

“Any plans on getting married soon? I mean, I think I speak for everyone when I say that everyone wants to see the Hollywood It Couple to finally tie the knot.” The interviewer added.

“I’m always ready for marriage. I think I’ve always been ready… no matter how tired I was. I think I’m just waiting to be asked.” You chuckled half-heartedly as you put down the mic on your lap and looked at Timothée, who was now looking at the interviewer. You looked at him with hope. You wanted him to defend you just once because you knew you looked like an idiot waiting for him. Thinking about it made you tear up, but you held your composure.

“You know, for me, marriage is just a piece of paper. I feel content with what I have now. Let’s see again in ten years.” Timothée joked, causing everyone to laugh with what he said going over everyone’s head. You nodded to yourself and looked away from him. You gave a big smile as everyone laughed. You were dying and he was laughing. How can he be so dense?

Vogue did a photo shoot with you and Timothée on your anniversary. They interviewed you too about having a long relationship. At that point, you were lying to yourself. Any body language expert would see that your eyes had no spark as it once had when you started dating him.

You were at the point in your relationship that you couldn’t feel him anymore. There’s only so much your heart could take. In your eleventh year, you found yourself sneaking out of your shared room to go to yours and Timothée’s favorite room. You would sit in the dark and cry at ungodly hours. You would sleep there too. Timothée never even looked for you. He just assumed you had work and left early. It happened a lot. Sometimes, when you walked out of the room, you’d smell something good coming from the kitchen. He was cooking breakfast.

“Oh, you’re here! You’re lucky I cooked a lot.” Timothée chuckled and set up a plate for you. He looked at you and it was evident that you’ve been crying. “Are you okay?” He asked.

Hearing that made you cry again. For the first time in a long time, he finally asked you that. Regardless, you nodded through your tears and wiped them away. “I’m alright. I was just reading a script that someone sent me and it just hit hard, I guess.” You answered with a teary-eyed smile before sitting down on your usual seat. You started eating the food he cooked as tears streamed down your face.

Your birthday came around and Zendaya threw you a surprise party at a club that you liked. Timothée wasn’t even there. He was working late on set. He probably forgot about your birthday. You didn’t care anymore. Your relationship is already in shambles anyway whether he knew it or not. When the party ended, it was raining hard outside. When you arrived home, there was no electricity due to the heavy rain. You didn’t go straight to your shared room with Timothée. Instead, you went to your favorite room and there was Timothée in the candle lit room with a small cake on the coffee table. He smiled at you and said, “Happy birthday, Y/N! I’m so sorry. I forgot, but I hope this makes up for it. I know it’s not perfect, but hey, today’s Friday catch-up. What a great way to celebrate your birthday, huh?”

You sat on the bean bag chair, stared at the cake, and looked at him. You were crying again. He frowned and knelt down in front of you, “What’s wrong? Do you not like the cake? We can get a new one tomorrow, I promise-”

“When are you going to stop with these promises, Timmy?” You said, your heart wrenching in pain. It was heavy, what you were feeling. You couldn’t handle it anymore.

“What do you mean? I don’t understand what you’re saying.” He said. He was lost.

“I know you don’t understand. You never did understand anything.” You cried. “It’s time to stop lying to ourselves. We haven’t been okay for so long and I feel sick to my stomach seeing you act as if we’re okay all day, everyday. I’m tired, T. I’m so tired.”

He looked at you; he really looked at you. It was then that he saw the bags under your eyes, the puffiness, the redness, and he saw the pain in your eyes take over the spark of joy. How could he be so blind? You were long gone.

“I’m tired of putting up a happy face in front of everyone. I’m tired of pretending that you’re happy for me. I’m tired of wondering how you can watch me walk the red carpets alone while you’re away in some country filming a movie. I’m tired of comparing and wishing for you to become more available to me. I’ve been supporting you since day one and you couldn’t even do the same for me.” You cried heavily.

“Is that how you really feel? I brag about you all the time to my friends whenever I see you strutting on the runway or walking on the red carpet with your castmates.” He said softly.

“That’s different, T.” You sighed heavily and stood up. “That’s different.”

“I wanted you there with me.” You sniffed.

“I am-”

“No! You’re not! You’re never here for me!” You shouted angrily as hot tears streamed down your face. “You left me to fight my own battles. You left me to fend for myself. You left me to defend you when many people said awful shit about you.”

“Who said I needed defending?” He asked, stubbornly. “No one did.”

“No one asked me to defend you, but I did it because I loved you! Don’t you get it?! I made sure to paint a good picture of you in front of everyone because I loved you!” You cried.

“I’m tired of pretending that I’m okay. I’m tired of hoping that the old Timothée I fell in love with will come back to me. I’m tired of asking myself when we’ll finally get married. I’m tired of defending you. I’m tired of proving to other people that we’re very much in love even though we haven’t had a picture in years.”

Timothée looked at you as tears streamed down his face. He was so blind to it all. He kept quiet as he listened to you.

“Prolonging this relationship is a huge mistake.” You confessed sadly. “I feel so sorry for myself because I look delusional, thinking you’ll back me up for once. Thinking maybe you’ll surprise me on the red carpet, but no. It’s always been your projects over mine.”

“Our friends are married and they have families now and I’m sick and tired of being left behind. I feel like I wasted years of my life just for this relationship to work, hoping every year that maybe things will change. I guess I never learned my lesson. I just wanted you to see me, but you never looked at me at all. I just wished you would look at me with the same passionate look you would give to the crowd. It’s hard to admit that you love them more than you love me.”

“The fucked up part is I can’t seem to hate you because I love you too much to do so. It breaks my own heart to decide not to be with you anymore.” You cried. “All these years waiting for you to just leave me is tiring. I’m leaving instead. My world revolved around you and it’s time that it stops.”

“I gave you a chance multiple times. You never did anything for me. You never said anything. You never lost anything. You never even risked one day of filming just to come see me. Your loyalty lies with your job and if it wasn’t clear to me before, it’s crystal clear for me now. I’m sorry for not being good enough.” You sobbed. You looked down at the promise ring sitting on your ring finger for the past ten years. You looked at him and walked towards him. You took off the ring, grabbed his hand and placed it on his palm. “Give it to the next girl you promise to marry. Just follow through with it this time.”

“Y/N, the only girl I want to marry is you.” Timothée cried. “I was going to propose tonight.”

Both of you sobbed as you looked at each other with very different emotions. You looked at him with tired eyes and in defeat. He looked at you with forlorn and hope; he hoped you would change his mind, but he knew deep down that you were tired of choosing him all the time. He knew you were going to choose yourself now.

“You’re so unfair, T. If you said that years ago, you knew I would’ve said yes even before you knelt down and showed me the ring. An engagement ring isn’t a band-aid for a broken mirror. If I said yes now, we’d still be broken; I’d still be broken while you’ll be out chasing the world as I’d chase after you.”

“I love you, Y/N.” Timothée cried. “I really do. I hope you know that.”

“I love you too and I’m afraid I always will, but I have to go.” You sighed heavily as you wiped your tears with your hands. Timothée pulled you in for a tight hug and you did the same.

News of your break up with Timothée was all over social media. You decided not to say anything. You were too tired of fending for your relationship on behalf of you and Timothée for years. It was his time to return the favor.