#so i think. i might be a bit overwhelmed. during December.

[thedreadvampy]

stressed 🥲

[obsessivestar]

Ted but like he takes you xmas shopping and its so jolly and fun and merry i just love ted and i think hes neat :33

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Ted Nivison x gn!Reader

Warnings: Bit o' anxiety at the beginning, one use of Y/N, feminine lingerie spotted

You and Ted had both gotten rather busy throughout the last few weeks. Normally you spread your Christmas shopping out and go on different days throughout the months of November and December, but so many things had gotten in the way for both of you, so you both decided to dedicate an entire day to Christmas shopping for your friends and family, and maybe a little for each other if you got the chance. Where's the best place to go other than your local mall?

Ted drove the both of you to your local mall using his Toyota Tacoma, of course, and managed to get you guys a good spot by the food court entrance so it wouldn't be too much of a walk to get back. Once you get inside the mall, you're immediately hit with the overwhelming bustling atmosphere of a local mall during the holiday rush. There was a giant Christmas tree posted up in the middle of the food court, the ceiling covered in a few different white Christmas lights, though it was midday so they weren't on. There were so many different kinds of people with tons of different bags they were lugging around, all talking over the subtle Christmas music playing throughout the entire mall, walking in slow strides through the thick mall traffic you expected to see. You let all of the pessimistic thoughts run through you now so you wouldn't be miserable laster. God, you're gonna have to walk behind slow people all day. Can't wait to get stuck behind a slow family of 15 walking in a horizontal line, covering the entire lane. The lines are probably gonna be nuts, you might get bumped around by strangers, think of all the bags you're gonna have to carry...

You're snapped out of your pessimistic thoughts by Ted taking your hand into his, pulling you closer to stand at his side. He was probably reading you like a book, he could tell that you were getting a little overwhelmed with everything.

"Hey, I'm right here, alright?" He gives you a reassuring warm smile, caressing the side of your hand with his thumb. "Just stick by me, I've got everything mapped out. We won't be here long.."

His warm smile was definitely reassuring. It was nice to know that he had put some thought into this trip to minimize stress, maybe you would be able to find a way to enjoy this, despite all of the people.

The mall was mostly just one big circle with a few extra hallways, so you knew you'd only be doing one rotation. The first place you goto is a smoothie joint to grab something to drink, wanting something sweet and fruity to boost your spirits. Of course, Ted wouldn't let you pay for your own smoothie. He claimed it was faster for him to get it all on one order so you didn't have to wait for your separate orders. Sometimes it bothered you that he was always so quick to spend money on you, but honestly, you didn't bother arguing with him about it today, it would take too much time.

Your next stop, of course, was a Bath and Body Works for all of those in-laws that were difficult to shop for. This was actually where you started to relax a little more; where you started to enjoy this little adventure with Ted. You spent a majority of your time here sniffing the different candles, debating whether or not to get some body wash or hand sanitizer for home, silently cackling a little at the prices and being a little surprised by their Men's focused section. Bath and Body Works sells Men's cologne? Neat. Maybe you'd grab some here for Ted for his birthday next month.

After buying some candles and body wash for family, your next stop was the GameStop. You came here to shop for a majority of your guy friends, on and off YouTube. You checked out the different games on the back wall, looked at the Funko pops and figurines on the other side, went down the middle aisles to check out the sweaters, shirts and hats and even took a gander at some of the more expensive merch on the too shelves, the shelves you knew you couldn't reach on your own at all. You and Ted had hit the jackpot coming here, going back and forth with each other while showing different things.

"You think Eddy would like this?" Ted walks up and shows you a hat while you were looking over the different figurines. It was a simple cap with the Kingdom Hearts crown on the front. It looked pretty nice. You turn to look at it, raising a curious brow at Ted.

"I mean, I know he likes Kingdom Hearts.." You speak softly, tilting your head a little. "Does Eddy wear hats though?"

You could see the gears turning in Ted's head and he lets out a huff, making you giggle a little. He adjusts all of his stuff under his arm so he can take his phone out and you see he's opening Instagram. You let out a laugh of realization. "Are you checking his Instagram?" You ask with a big grin, furrowing your brows a little. "You have to check his Instagram to know he doesn't wear hats?"

Ted let's out a cheeky little chuckle, but groans when he realizes you were right. "He doesn't wear hats.." Ted sighs, sounding both amused and disappointed. He slips his phone back into his pocket, looking back at the sweatshirt rack. "I think I saw a, uh...Kingdom Hearts sweater back there. That might work."

"Yeah, probably. He'd like that."

You ended up leaving that GameStop with a rather large bag and a new, interesting story you couldn't wait to tell Eddy at the New Years party at the end of the month. You guys move through the curved hall of the mall where all of the phone-related shops are placed and get a moment where you can actually appreciate the holiday atmosphere. There's hardly anyone down this particular hallway so you get to slow your pace a little, walking side by side with Ted, your fingers still comfortably intertwined. The internet and the convenience of online shopping has made Christmas spirit a little harder to feel, especially when you think about how malls like this used to be decorated, but as you begin to walk by the beautifully decorated Mall Santa plaza, Winter Wonderland playing through the old fashioned looking speakers, hearing children call out to their parents with joy and laughter...you could feel it. You could really feel the warm, jolly spirit of Christmas.

You notice that you and Ted had begun to walk to the beat of Winter Wonderland, quiet little smiles on your faces. You turn your head briefly to look at him, and he looks at you, the white Christmas lights making his hazel eyes sparkle in your direction. He looks content; he looks warm and happy to be here with you, and that just makes your smile grow. You feel like you're in a cheesy Christmas film as you both let out a gentle laugh, picking up the pace a little when the mall traffic begins to pick up once again. This is actually really nice. Those pessimistic thoughts from earlier have been completely replaced. You're starting to think about all of the friends and family you'll both get to see, how excited you are to witness their reactions to their gifts, knowing that it all came from the heart, relatively.

You were looking forward to it all, you weren't even thinking about the gifts that you may be getting. Sure, in the back of your mind you were thinking about what Ted would end up nabbing you, but Christmas isn't about the gifts. It's not about one upping toxic members of your family by spending the most money or getting the biggest gift, it's not about hogging all of Christmas dinner, it's about being with the ones you love while you still can. Some people don't always get to see their parents every year, some don't always get to see their aunts, uncles, friends and cousins. That's what makes getting together during the holidays so special, no matter what you're celebrating. You couldn't wait to see Ted's family this year, then getting to see your own. You couldn't wait to eat a great meal with great people, to show family how much your cared and cherished them, to celebrate the end of the year with all of your closest friends. Man, this adventure with Ted was making you sentimental. Christmas spirit, huh...

You are once again snapped out of your thoughts by Ted stopping by a Victoria's Secret to look at some Christmas red Holiday lingerie. He gestures to the garter belt and knowingly raises his brows at you. Ah boy, here we go.

"You're not getting me that.." You slowly shake your head at him, looking him over with a smirk of disbelief.

"Oh yeah? Why not?" Ted smirks back at you, his eyes flicking down to the mannequin that wore the whole fit. "You don't like it?"

"I like it, but it's not worth it." You shook your head once again, keeping yourself outside of the store. "I'm tellin' you, it's not worth it."

"How is it not worth it?" Ted's smirk grows into a suggestive smile. "C'mon babe, looks worth it to me."

"You really gonna buy that just for me to wear it once?"

"Yeah, that's worth it."

"Check the price tag."

"I can afford it, (Y/N)."

"I know, but check it anyways."

Ted let's out a soft huff and glances down at the price tag sticking out of the lingerie. I see his eyes widen and he lets out a scoff.

"It's 140 dollars!?" Ted raises his voice in shock, immediately getting a little embarrassed. You can't hold back your laughter, watching as he nervously covers his mouth and scurries out of the shop, returning to your side.

"You're right, you're right.." Ted groans softly, rushing passed the store with you. "Not worth it."

You continue to laugh until the store is out of sight. Oh he was so right, this has already been so much fun. We start to really get into the spirit of the holidays, making a brief detour into the dollar store to buy bags, wrapping paper and most importantly: matching Christmas hats, though the one you bought ended up being a little big around your head. Ted thought it was cute, occasionally having to pull the hat back by the white pompom to make sure you could see where you were going. At this rate, you're having a great time at the mall. The long lines just gave the two of you an excuse to giggle and joke around before having to pay at the register and return to the mall's main hall.

The last store you ended up hitting was a sort of local hobby shop for those miscellaneous friends and family that liked a little bit of everything. This place sold books, board games, calenders, little trinkets and toys, dice & figurines for DnD, any little obscure thing you wouldn't normally think of was in this store. You and Ted were once again spending more time just looking at and messing with the little trinkets in the store rather than discussing what to buy for whomever. You only split off when you both get distracted by something. You spend way too much time trying to get the high score on a Bop-it toy while Ted was talking to the employees about different board games that interested him, but he never ends up buying any of them. You only end up leaving with a bit of dice and some squishy toys for some of the younger members of your family. You would've bought the Bop-it, if you didn't already have one at home.

Before you know it, you've circled back around to the food court, quite a few bags filled with gifts wrapped around your arms. While you're here, you mind as well get some lunch. You both find a place to sit so you can take turns getting your food. Ted decides to wait with the bags so you could go wait in line first, but he gives you his wallet, because of course he does.

"I can pay for my own food, Ted." You have this knowing grin on your face as you look down at him, placing one hand on your hip with the other holding his wallet out to him.

"I know, but it's Christmas." Ted gently pushes your hand away, insisting that you use his wallet. "You deserve a treat, babe."

"It's not Christmas." You smirked, raising a brow at Ted. "It's Thursday.."

"It's the season of giving! C'monnnn.."

You roll your eyes at his insistence, but again, the sooner you agree to this, the sooner you can go home.

"You're lucky I'm overstimulated.." You huff with a grin, turning away to go get your food.

"Love you too, babe."

You wait in the somewhat long line for your food, order it, get it from the counter and head back to your seat so Ted could get his food. It takes him a lot longer to get back, so at that point, you both decided to take your meals to go and leave out the food court exit. This adventure was definitely a fun one. You got over some anxiety, you bought some great gifts for your friends, many laughs, a new Bop-it highscore and it was all shared with your lovely partner, Ted Nivison. As Ted puts the bags in the backseat, you slip back into his Toyota Tacoma and let out a sigh of relief. You spot him through the rearview mirror, watching him tuck a smaller bag that you didn't recognize into the giant GameStop bag. You glance back at him with a curious smirk and he meets your gaze, a sheepish little smile spreading along his blush-toned lips.

"Did you see that?" He asks, slipping back into the driver's seat.

"That small bag?" Your smirk turns into a knowing grin, getting your seatbelt on. "Oh yeah."

"No you didn't." Ted let's out a deep chuckle as he starts up his truck, smiling at the laugh you let out in response. This guy. This fuckin' guy. You have no idea when or how he could've bought something for you today, or what it even could be. You couldn't think of a single moment where he was out of your sight...

...did he buy that while you were distracted by the Bop-it? Motherfucker--

[daydreamingyuta]

Winter Dates with Dream

Mark Lee ❅ Playing in the Snow Date

Gets the idea to play with you in the snow as soon as he looks out the window and sees the snow falling

Kinda shy about asking if you want to though because he thinks you might think it's a bit childish

He is SO excited when you agree

Obviously the first thing you're doing is building a snowman together! and Mark will even go and get a carrot out the fridge for your snowman

He makes sure to take pictures of the sky, your snowman, and of the both of you before you both fall to the ground so you can make snow angels.

"Is my hair all messed up?" You ask, brushing snow off your gloves. "No, but your cheeks are all red and you look so cute." Mark replies, sneaking yet another picture of you.

Renjun ❅ Looking at Christmas Lights Date

Old Christmas music plays softly in the background as Renjun drives you around at night to see how beautifully people decorated their houses this year

Both of you constantly saying that each new house is your favorite so far

You had asked Renjun a question, but he didn’t answer, too caught up in his daydream about how he would decorate for Christmas with you if he gets lucky enough to marry you

He would stop to get some hot chocolate before you enter yet another neighborhood because 'something was missing'

Jeno ❅ Fake Dating at a Christmas Party

Started off as a joke, a silly little suggestion made by you, but Jeno was more than willing to pretend to be your boyfriend for an evening

You tried to tell him you were just joking, but he was very convincing in persuading you to do it

You told him that wearing matching Christmas sweaters was crossing the line, which he was sad about at first until he realized that that meant you were saying yes to fake dating him

You were so caught up in the fact that you were doing this with Jeno, that you almost forgot you hated going to parties and as soon as you entered you were hit with a wave of anxiety

Jeno always watched you intently so he knew how you were feeling and made sure not to leave you side the whole night, always having his comforting arm around you

“Accidentally” walking under the mistletoe which prompts Jeno to grab you by the waist to pull you in close and press his lips onto yours. You would have been shocked if you hadn’t been secretly hoping for Jeno to kiss you the whole night.

“I don’t think people who are fake dating are supposed to kiss.” Jeno whispers, his face buried into the crook of your neck.

“No, they aren't.” You say, biting your lip in a failed attempt to hide your smile

Haechan ❅ Christmas Shopping Date

You both had ended up leaving Christmas shopping until the middle of December because you've both been busy, so going shopping with Haechan was a must

You were a bit overwhelmed about getting everyone a present this year, but as soon as you stepped inside the shops and saw all the decorations and Christmas music playing, you were filled with calmness and nostalgia.

One thing you forgot about was the fact that shopping with Haechan always ended up with you going out of your budget because he was the biggest enabler to your shopping addiction.

At some point during shopping, Haechan turns to you and grabs your shoulders. “I need you to close your eyes” "Why?" You respond, laughing but following suit. "Because I just found the perfect gift for you and you can’t see."

Jaemin ❅ Snowball Fight Date

As soon as Jaemin heard that you haven't had a snowball fight since you were little, he knew he had to change that

Of course, he couldn't have just asked you if you wanted to have a snowball fight. He had to surprise you

So he waited until it finally snowed again and then asked you to go on a walk with him

You adore the snow and the scenery it creates, so of course you said yes

but as soon as you got outside, Jaemin runs away from you laughing and before you know it, you're being pelted by snowballs

You were absolutely not about to let Jaemin win this snowball fight so you got to work making and throwing snowballs at your boyfriend.

Part of the reason why you two worked so well together was that you both were a bit ruthless, so this was a very serious war

It wasn't until Jaemin noticed that he couldn't keep up with the speed at which you were making your snowballs that he decided run up to you and 'tackle' you to the ground, causing you both to laugh hysterically.

Chenle ❅ Ice Skating Date

You had always wanted to go ice skating in December, so when Chenle proposed going as a date, you were ecstatic

You weren't expecting it, but the ice skating rink was completely decked out for Christmas and it was so beautiful

Neither of you had ever been ice skating before, so it was an interesting experience to say the least

"You'll catch me if I fall right?" You ask Chenle as you start to step out of the ice. He assures you that he will absolutely not let you fall, until he's actually on the ice himself. "Y/n, catch me if I fall." He says, already starting to wobble.

You both end up falling multiple times, but you've never had such a fun date before

Towards the end you were even starting to get good so you made sure to show off some of your moves to Chenle as he stayed holding onto the side railing

Jisung ❅ Making Gingerbread Houses Date

Making gingerbread house was a very impromptu date idea

You both were just at the store, when you saw a plethora of Gingerbread houses on display for sale which made you immediately grab one

Once you got to his place, Jisung put on some Christmas music and you both got to work on the house

You first started out trying to get the gingerbread house to look good but the icing was almost impossible to work with, so it turned into a challenge of who can make their side of the house look worse

Considering Jisung's side of the house ended up collapsing, he ended up winning, but he made it up to you by breaking off a piece of gingerbread and drawing a icing heart in the middle for you

[ineveryspaceandtime]

04 december 2024, aka ✨ a moment in time when miles kane and i breathed the same air (and touched hands) ✨

the doors opened later than expected, which was a bit of an unpleasant experience bc it was drizzling and was very VERY cold

(thankfully i ended up wearing an inner heattech layer below my top + my usual winter jacket, and had hand warmers in my pockets which saved me during the wait!! thank u to everyone who gave me advice about how to dress for my concerts 😘)

we were eventually let in and i was so !!! excited !!! if you'd seen from my previous post, i wasn't all that far from the front of the line, so i figured i'd get a pretty good spot. and i was right! i got barricade! for some reason however, i chose to stand near the drum set, rather than where the mike was set up. i'm putting this down to a moment of stupidity and/or overwhelming joy about actually getting to see miles live so soon

miles' opening act was p. good actually. i enjoyed his music! at one point he talked about miles and said that he loves miles and that we 'couldn't find a better friend' like yes bitch (affectionate) exactly!!! he then dedicated one of his songs to miles but i can't now remember which one it was, but i remember listening v. intently to the lyrics trying to pick things apart and then mentally going kombuchagirl.gif

and then he left the stage and there was more music which i was vibing to and THEN!!!! miles' walk on music came over the speakers!!!!!

i was screaming like a banshee from the get-go but it was literally SO QUIET otherwise. i felt incredibly self-conscious so i stopped lol although he absolutely deserved to have someone screaming for him even though he wasn't onstage yet!! it took him finally stepping onto that stage and raising his hands in greeting before the crowd finally hyped him up

and then he went right on with the performance!

it's so funny because i think i was in a haze those first few songs. i genuinely have no recollection of much happening or even of the songs he was singing (although ofc i was singing along). i think for the most part i was just staring at him, jaw on the floor

i was legimitately so awed that i froze whenever he came right up in my face. the first time he did it i didn't even manage to take any photos/vids despite having my handphone in my hand lmfao 😭 but i did get some really cute pics after he was a safe enough distance away that my brain was able to function shdjdb

he shared this super cute moment w the girl next to me bc she was basically screaming in his face and it made him laugh. as he deserves!!!

my fav song from the first half of the set list was counting down the days, which was such an Experience live. i might have cried a little. i in no way relate to the lyrics.

he sounded soooo good <3 i know it's been said a lot, but he really does come across as so settled and assured of who he is an artist. it's truly a gorgeous thing to see

and then the time came when he put aside the electric guitar for his acoustic... to sing sntm. did i love it? yes. was i extremely disappointed that it was only at that point when the crowd was screaming and singing the loudest? you betcha.

for my own peace of mind i will not be saying anything else

after that song, he asked if we had any requests and a bunch of girlies right in front of him were chanting for him to sing dealer, which he did!! i think he said something about him possibly getting the lyrics wrong bc it'd been a while, which got us giggling. but he sang it so beautifully ahhhh

THEN after that they insisted he sing aviation. which he also did

as far as i'm concerned that's miles' song!!! and i will be forever grateful that i got to hear him sing the words 'it's your decision honey, my planet or yours?'

BUT this meant he didn't sing baggio 💔 broke my heart fr i was ready to sob my little heart out over that one. @ miles kane this is luxphobia

sometime after this he spoke about how he'd almost cancelled because his drummer Jen was unwell, but that his sound guy Chris agreed to step in and help out on drums. and he asked the crowd to hype him up which we were more than happy to do!!!

towards the end, miles and chris were both playing a slower version of never taking me alive, but when the tempo changed and the song started proper Chris played troubled son instead. miles' face was soooo funny sdhfsj bc he was so in the zone while holding his pose, but very quickly was like. 'oh. okay.' lmaoooo but he was also v. reassuring, looking over to Chris to signal that it was all good and adjusting quickly. there were some smiles and laughter during this moment too--i will post the video later!

the show ended a couple of songs later (too soon if you asked me

i initially wanted to try to meet him after, but bc i was alone and not familiar with the place i decided against it

nevertheless i'm so so grateful it all worked out, bc i don't think i'd get to see the chance to see miles unless i travel to europe to catch one of his shows. if he had cancelled, i would've been devastated. there would've been a lot of tears and snot and i would've been inconsolable. and y'all would have to see me post about how upset i am every now and again lol

as mentioned, i managed to capture some pretty cute moments which i will be sharing here! if you hear me singing along and hearing my voice crack midway, pls excuse it bc i was recovering from falling ill and almost losing my voice after zayn's concert xoxo

[dirtybitfic]

Road trip

Matt sturniolo fan fiction

-smutttttt,kinda long story might be a couple parts lols

(Contains- touching,teasing , gas station fight , dirty talk etc.and I think the rest of the dirty nasty will be in part 2)

Y/n pov-

Me and Matt have been dreaming of taking a road trip to Vail Colorado for years. Ever since we were about 14 me and Matt have just understood each other in a way that non of our other friends did . We have the same interests and music taste and we also both struggle with mental health and throughout the years we’ve helped each other through it a lot .

When Matt got his license we started talking about all the places we’d love to go to and Colorado was always our biggest dream especially during Christmas time since we both love Christmas and they always decorate their city’s and towns so perfectly that they look like the perfect hallmark Christmas movie towns.

As we got older we started to get more serious about planning a get away for a couple weeks but our parents didn’t think that it would be a good idea until we were at least out of high school which we understood and respected. This past year we all turned 20 and me and matt, Chris and nicks birthdays are only two months apart we decided to do a big conjoined party .

Chris and Nick said they had a big surprise for me and Matt and that they wanted us to open their presents after everyone had left the party . We were both slightly confused but we were excited to see what it would be.

After everyone had left Chris and Nick had us sit down on the couch as they placed bags in our hands .

Me and Matt opened them at the same time and at first we were both confused and laughing because the first thing in the bags were matching beanies .

“Chris why did you make us wait for matching beanies” I asked laughing .

“Y/n you gotta keep opening then it will make sense in a second” Nick said giving me a big smile.

We both looked at each other and reached into the bottom of the bag finding envelopes .

I opened mine first and it was a printed out picture of a gorgeous cabin in the mountains of Colorado.

“Okayyy a cabin ? What did y’all buy a mountain or something” I ask still slightly confused.

“Nooo y/n god turn it over “ Chris says lightly smacking my head.

I laughed and turned it over .

“OMG YOU DID NOT” I said excitedly realizing it was and air bnb in vail Colorado.

“SURE FUCKIN DID KID” Chris yelled back at me smiling.

“We’ll Matt you gotta open yours now” Nick says smiling at him clapping his hands.

“Okay okay give me a second “ Matt says as he opens the envelope.

“YOU RENTED MY DREAM CAR WTF GUYS” he says looking up smiling adorably.

“We sure fucking did dude. We rented you guys the car for 4 weeks . You guys have the air bnb for three weeks in December . We wanted you guys to have the perfect trip you’ve always dreamed of “ Nick says .

I immediately got up and ran at Nick giving him the biggest hug then Chris .

“Guyyyys thank you so much I love it and I love you” I said getting a little teary eyed feeling so overwhelmed.

“Really guys thank you this is better than we could have imagined “ Matt says giving his brothers a hug.

“How did you guys afford this like Jesus this couldn’t have been cheap” I say a little worried for their bank accounts.

“ eh you know we have just been saving for a while but thank our fans for that cause no way would we be able to afford this if our YouTube wasn’t doing so good” Chris says .

“We’ll thank you again this means the world to me i don’t know how I’ll ever repay you guys” I say as tears stream down my face.

“Y/n don’t cry “ Nick says bringing me in for a hug .

“I’m sorry I’m just so happy “ I say laughing a little bit wiping my tears away.

“ we’ll we’re glad you like our present “

“LOVE IT” I corrected Chris.

We all laughed and went to bed .

Now it’s a week away from December and I’m starting to get super excited our trip starts at the begging of December and I need to start packing since we’ll be gone for so mf long.

I decided to FaceTime Matt to see if he would go shopping with me for some more outfits I’ll need .

*ft Matt

(Matt picks up- Matt’s blue , y/n is pink)

Hey what’s up

Hey I just wanted to see if you were up to do a little shopping with me I need to get some more winter outfits for the trip

Yeah of course you want me to come get you

Yeah either way I can get you or you can get me doesn’t matter to me

Okay I’ll come get you In say 10 minutes I know you just love to be a passenger princess

Yeah your right sounds good

Okay I’ll text you when I’m outside

Okay see you in a bit love you

Love you too bye

(Call ends)

After about 15 minutes Matt texted me that he was outside so I put my shoes on and ran down stairs. I locked my door behind me and hopped into the car.

“Hey so where you thinkin the mall” Matt asks

“Sadly yes that’s where all the good stores are” I said sadly he knows I hate the mall.

“Alright let’s go then” Matt says as he starts to put in directions to the mall .

He tells me to connect to aux and play some music .

As come here was ending we were pulling into a spot and Matt turned off the car .

We got out and started walking in after we did a little shopping we ended up grabbing some food and parked to eat.

I cant believe our dream trip is only 4 days way

I know I literally can’t wait I don’t know how I’m gonna sleep I’m getting to excited

No seriously god we’ve been dreaming of this for so long I just can’t believe we’re finally getting to go. But what are you telling the fans since you’ll be gone for so long

Oh we pre filled a good amount of our videos for the next couple weeks but I thought it would be fun to do at-least one vlog with you while we’re on our trip you know most of the fans like you

Awww well that actually could be really fun

Yeah they can see us running around in the snow being fucking stupid that’ll be really fun

Oh yeah can’t wait for them to see me snipe you with a snow ball

Oh really

Oh yeah just wait you’ll never know when I’ll get you I’m really sneaky you know

Yeah yeah whatever

We both laughed and after we finished our food we threw away our trash and he dropped me off at home.

Fast forward 4days——

I finally fished packing last night thank god and I just woke up to my alarm it’s currently 4 am me and Matt decided to get and early start since we’ll be driving pretty far to get to Vail and we want as much day driving time as we can get.

Vail Colorado is about 30 hours from Boston so it’s gonna a loooong drive.

-incoming call from Matt

Hey what’s up

Hey I just picked up the car and holy fuck it’s amazing but I’m otw to get you now I’ll be there in a bout 15.

Okay see you then I’ll make sure to have all my shit down stairs by the time you get here

Okay see you in a bit

Yep byeeee

Call ends

I started bringing all my stuff down and grabbed a blanket for the car just in case one of us gets cold and filled up my water bottle and then put on my shoes .

Matt just texted me he was here and I started to grab some of my bags to take them out to the car.

When I opened the door I audible gasped the car was … gorgeous.

(A BABY BLUE BRONCO FUCK YESSSS MUTHA FUCKAAA)

Matt got out and helped me grab my bags .

Omg Matt the car is so prefect

I know right I can’t believe we get to drive this for 4 weeks

Yeah good thing you make good money cause gas isn’t gonna be cheap

True true

We got my stuff into the back after I locked the door .

Hey my mom made you a breakfast sandwich and that matcha shit you love I set it on the back seat

Awww she is so sweet she didn’t have to do that

I know but she wanted to she always says “y/n is the daughter I never had” you know sometimes we think she loves you more than us

Hey you know that’s not true but seriously I’m gonna text her and tell her thank you

After we hit the road we’ve been sitting in comfortable silence listening to my playlist I made .

Was playing as I started to get hot a little bit surprisingly I thought I’d be cold but my dumbass did what every girl does and wore nothing under my sweatshirt. I started to get uncomfortable and shift around in my seat which Matt noticed pretty easily .

Hey you good you keep shifting around

Yeah just getting a little hot

Well take of your sweatshirt then

I… can’t (I say awkwardly)

Why not?

Because I have nothing underneath

Y/n I don’t care if your just in your bra I don’t want you to be uncomfortable

No Matt I mean I have … nothing on underneath

Ohh ohh shit ummm well you could always just take your pants off unless that’s weird then idk what to tell ya

I mean ig as long as it’s not weird for you

No not at all get comfortable

I started to take my pants off and caught Matt glancing over making my face go red . It’s not like he hasn’t seen me in a bikini but I’m wearing a thong which for some reason feels a bit more intimate to see me in .

Matt clears his throat as I look over at him after I finally get my pants off and throw them in the back seat.

I decide to tease him a little bit cause I think it’s funny

What’s the matter Matt

What oh um nothing just getting a bit hot myself

Here I’ll help you get your sweatshirt off

Oh okay (he says as I help him pull his arms out and pull it over his head )

I gasp quickly realizing he had nothing on under his either. I don’t think he heard me though but god his tattood arm gripping that steering wheel and his big veiny hands . NO WTF AM I THINKING THATS MY BEST FRIEND.

I snap out of my trans to look away but he glanced over at me smirking a little bit.

Why were you staring at my hands y/n

What I wasn’t I don’t know what your talking about

Okay so what were you starring at then hmm

God I have to think fast I’m just gonna sayyyy

Yo-your tattoos I was just like looking at them

Oh well alright

Their just really cool

I moved my hand to trance over his key tattoo

I love this one

Oh really why?

I don’t know I just do

He suddenly moves his hand off the steering wheel I didn’t understand why at first but he moved it so I could trace over his other ones.

I really like this one too -I say tracing over his dog one with its mouth open

And why do you like that one or are you just gonna say . He tries to mock my voice “idk I just do”

First of all I do not sound like that you asshole and no I was actually gonna say I like it because it has a dark vibe and I love tattoos like that it reminds me of this hellhound tattoo I wanna get

Oh really well that’s cool . You gotta show me that Pinterest board you have all your inspiration on cause your tattoos are pretty cool

He says as he moved his hand to my thigh racing the dark moth I got for my first tattoo . The way he’s tracing it has my breathing becoming uneven and my heart starts to race. Idk why I’m feeling this way but Jesus I’m getting wet . It feel wrong but it feels so good.

I cant believe you got your first one on your thigh and it’s big too

Yeah idk I just felt like it was the right place for it

It didn’t hurt?

No it felt good to be honest

Ohh your one of those people huh?

What the Fuck does that mean

You just like pain that’s all

Oh ummm ye-yeah I guess I like the feeling of tattoos a lot honestly I almost fell asleep getting all of mine

Mmm interesting

Why is that interesting

No reason

Yeah okay whatever

God if only he knew . Me and Matt have never really talked about our sex lives with each other I mean sure we talked about when we both lost our virginity but other than that it’s not really our typical conversation.

Their was one time he was on my phone looking for a picture and he almost went into my notes app and I screamed at him so fast to not read anything In there . He obviously got scared and threw my phone at me and apologized but the reason I didn’t want him going in there is because my top note is my kink list .

YEAH MY FUCKING KINK LIST . That’s the last thing you want your best friend of like 15 years to read . He tries to ask me why I got so defensive over it sometimes but I’m to awkward to tell him why. Honestly if he read them I’m scared he’d think I was a freak which I mean I’m a freak in the bed but not as a person u mean you know what I mean.

As I’m deep in my thoughts Matt starts to move his hand further up my thigh which causes me to gasp and snap my thighs shut.

Sorry sorry

N-no your fine it just caught me by surprise is all

I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable

He try’s pulling his hand back down but my thighs have his hand locked in

No your fine you didn’t I just ummm I mean you know I have no pants on sooo

Oh trust me I know

He says looking at me with a sly smirk I didn’t know what he meant but my thighs slowly opened back up letting his hand free.

AHHH SHIT BITCH I yelled out this is one of our favorite songs to sing in the car we always goof off and it just puts us in a good mood.

And just when it hit me

He sung as he gently smacked my thigh jokingly causing me to jolt and laugh a little .

PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC WHITE BOY

PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC RIGHTT

Yesss Matt

I said as I laughed a little and we kept singing along until the song ended I started to get a little thirsty .

Hey do you got any drinks in the back

Oh yeah I packed you a couple doctor peppers in the little cooler can you grab me one of the Pepsis he says pointing to the little black cooler behind my seat.

Yeah one sec .

I unbuckling and turned in my seat trying to reach back to the cooler but the car was a lot bigger than I realized so I kinda had to bend over the middle console to reach as I was reaching over I could feel his eyes on me and as a joke I giggled my hips a little making my ass move . But what Matt did next shocked me .

I felt his hand smack down on my ass hard causing me to scream out from shock and the sting since it was straight skin to skin contact.

MATT

HEY IF YOUR GONNA PUT IT IN MY FACE LIKE THAT IMA SMACK IT

He says putting his hand up in defense . I sat back down and handed him his Pepsi .

You know I know I shouldn’t say this but… you have a nice ass

Oh I…th-thank you

I tried to hide the blush that was creeping on my face .

I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that

No no It’s fine you just made blush

I said laughing a little bit

Oh cute he said smirking at me

Oh shut up

I said shoving his arm playfully .

Do you mind if I take a little nap

No not at all we got a long while to go to so get some sleep I’ll wake you up when I stop for gas in a bit so you can pee and stuff

Okay

I got comfortable and dozed off .

I started to have a wet dream about Matt . He was touching me in places that felt so good and he was making me call him daddy and all this crazy shit and I was just getting to the good party when I got woken up by Matt shaking me telling me we were at the gas station.

Hey I’m stopping for gas you wanna wait her while I pump the gas and then we can go inside to pee and grab some snacks

Huh oh yeah yeah let me put my pants on

I reached back still half asleep trying to find my pants and I grabbed them and slid them back on.

I waited while he pumped the gas then we went inside. I didn’t relize I had to pee so bad until I got to bathroom and Jesus Christ I felt a lot better after I finished I walked back out looking for Matt seeing he was over by the drink section I started to walk over when I bumped into someone.

Oh my god I’m so sorry I said to whoever I bumped into

Yeah you should be fucking sorry princess

The guy says raising his voice at me causing me to take a step back kinda shocked

You don’t have to be a dick it was an accident

Don’t raise your voice at me sweetheart that’s not gonna end well for you he says getting In my face.

I started to get anxious and tears started to well up in my eyes I tried to keep them in to not show this guy I was scared of him.

Awwww you gonna fucking cry

I started looking back to find Matt but I didn’t see him anymore . Fuck he probably thinks I just went back to the car.

I …

You what bitch he spit the words out in my face as he towered over me . My fight or flight kicked in and I started to run away to the door to get to the car.

I opened the door and got half way across the parking lot before I got yanked back by my hair.

Where you going sweetheart. What did I scare you huh he said in my ear making me feel sick.

God where is Matt I started to say in my head as the tears started to stream down my face and I reached back to get the guy to let go of my hair .

That made him pull harder causing me to wine from the pain.

He kept saying mean ass shit in my ear but I was starting to have a panic attack which caused my hearing to go out all the sudden I saw Matt running at the guy and shoving him off me . Matt picked me up like I was nothing speed walking back to the car I was shaking in his arms .

He opened the door and set me down before closing the door and running to his side I’ve never seen him move so fast in my life I just curled into a ball crying from shock of what the actual Fuck just happened .

I’m so sorry y/n I thought you came back to the car or where still in the bathroom I would have never left you in there alone

I… I k-know you wou-wouldn’t I’m okay I - pr-promise I’m just sh-shaken up a b-bit

I know sweet girl I’m so sorry really come here

He said as he pulled me into him engulfing me in a big hug instinctively I crawled over the middle and sat on his lap sideways just wanting him to hold me for a second .

Shhhh it’s okay I got you

Matt says as he rubs my hair and holds me close

I smilled a little as I felt my body stop shaking and my nerves starting to calm weirdly Matt just has that effect on me he always knows how to calm me down.

After a bit I start to laugh a little .

What why are you laughing he said with a small chuckle

I’m a 20 year old woman sitting in your lap crying like your my dad and I’m a little girl having a nightmare it’s just kinda funny

I mean yeah when you put it like that

Okay I think I’ve calmed down thank you Matt

Of course pumpkin he says squishing my cheeks

MATT WHAT THE FUCK I say bursting out laughing

What I was just acting like a dad as a joke from what you said

Okay I mean it was funny and it cheered me up so

Good now get your cute little ass back in your seat so we can get going

Okay okay I’m goingggg

I said with a big smile and blushing checks. Did he just call me CUTE. Omfg he is gonna be the death of me . First my wet dream now this Fuck me this is gonna be a longggg trip.

I qued up some music and layed back in my seat and started getting hot again so I took off my pants. I guess the ac doesn’t work to well in here cause Jesus the heat gets hotter than a mother fucker and unless we wanna roll down the windows we aren’t cooling off anytime soon.

Started playing and I was just shaking my head along reading a couple text from some friends I had missed during my nap.

So uhh can I ask you something

Yeah ofc

What exactly made that guy grab you like that

Well um I had just come out of the bathroom and I was heading over to you by the drinks where you were and I accidentally bumped into him and then he started to get mad and all up in my face so I ran out the door and then he kinda I just chased me

damn all over you bumping into him

Yep I guess so

What a psycho

Yeah cause wtf I even said sorry like 5 times

Well at-least your okay

Yeah thank god you came to the rescue

Also uhhhh what we’re you dreaming about earlier

Oh uhhh why I shifted awkwardly in my chair wandering why he’d wanna know

Well you were kinda sleep talking a little bit

Uh oh what um what did I say

I was getting really fucking nervous now

Well um you said my name a couple times and then well you said daddy a couple times too

Ahahah ohhhh um weirdddddd yeah idk why I said that

Yeah hmmmmm what we’re you dreaming

He said more in a demanding tone

You really wanna know I asked nervously

Yeah I do

Okay I was uhh kind of having a wet dream

Ohhh I see was it about me

Maaaatt stooop

What come on just tell me now I really wanna know

Okay yeah you were in it

Damn well was it good

Mhm yeah sure ig can we move on

No no I wanna know the details

Keep your eyes on the road Mathew

Okay okay if I keep my eyes in the road will you tell me what happened

Yes I’ll tell you

Okay my eyes are glued to this rode now speak

Okay um well you were you know telling me how hot I was and you were asking me if I liked being fucked like a slut and you know I was like yes and you said yes what and I was like yes matt cause I didn’t know what you wanted me to say and you said nope try again and I said yes daddy and you know you started touching me and then you asked me to read my list of kinks to you and so I did and then yeah the dream ended .

Well uhhh I- um

I looked over and saw his face was a little red and he was shifting in his seat.

Yeah well you just begged me to tell you sooo

Yeah well your right I did. Was it at-least a good dream

Yeah yeah it was uh good

Oh yeah . So uhh is that kink list in your notes app

I- uh — ye-yeah

Read it to me

What Matt no that’s so embarrassing

What no it’s not

Why do you wanna know my kinks Matthew

I just do okay

Okay okay fine but you can’t judge me

I would never judge you y/n

Okay let me open it up real quick okay ummm god this is so embarrassing

Oh come on they can’t be that bad

Okay um

Humiliation, dominant x submissive , role play, whips, sadism,exhibitionism,dirty talk, auralism, orgasm control, impact play, consensual non consensual, praise kink, degradation by words, knife play, blood kink and uhh yeah that’s it .

Oh wow ummm alright

So uhhh the dominant one do you like to be the dominant or like

Oh god no I’m absolutely the submissive

Okay good

Good what do you mean good

Oh nothing nothing . So uh what’s consensual non consensual?

Well um I don’t know how to explain it well let me look up the definition, okay well it says it’s a style of bdsm where both people agree but one person acts in non consensual behaviors.

Oh so like if I held you down and told you to take it while you struggle and try to get away would that be that

Oh I uh y-yeah that seems pretty on point yep

At this point I could feel how wet I had become from that sentence coming out of him mouth just imagining him do that made me wanna scream.

I didn’t realize I had been squeezing my thighs together but he did.

Aww is someone getting a little worked up

No Matt shut up

Really then show me proof that you are or aren’t

What do you mean

Spread your legs

What

Spread you fucking legs

He said as he put his hand on my thigh prying them apart.

My breathe hitched as I looked down at his hand moving slowly up my leg.

His fingers hit the lace of the thong over my soaking wet core causing a small wine to escape my lips.

Now why would you lie to me hmm your so wet

I didn’t lie I just didn’t tell you the truth I said then realized that’s the exact definition of fucking lying

So you fucking lied sweetheart he said smirking over at me

Yeah I guess I lied

If I touch you will you be a good girl and stay quite for me

Okay PART 2 coming soooooon…

💋

[comfortlesshurt]

alrighty, I locked in for a couple days and now I get to reward myself by yelling into the tumblr void about the series progress

first off, there are TWO FICS over 50% done, v exciting stuff. I know they've been over 50% for a bit now, but like... let me have my motivation, okay? we are in the HARD PART of the project where it all looks overwhelming, so I'll take the wins I can

also tex fic is finished and through round 1 of editing. it still needs another major edit and i need to finish fic 1 to make sure no info conflicts between the two, but the serious work for that is done

there are a few more days left before NotNaNo, but even going in with today's word counts, focusing on fics 1 and 2 should put them pretty close to finished by the end of November unless I was super off with the word count estimate

also had a really good writing day yesterday!

ignore those date projections at the bottom because like... those assume either i write 3k every day or i write 3k twice a week and 1.2k the other 5 days, and I canNOT do that consistently. but that July 23rd date is realistic! that's me continuing to hit my average based on the past 106 days since starting this project, so there's a good chance I finish this project in a total of just over a year (in which case I will never shut up about writing 450k in a year, so watch out)

finally, fic 1 is a huge portion of that daily par number in the first row, so... unless I fall majorly away from the intended timeline, that required daily par will go down a LOT at the end of december, which will be nice. the goal is still to focus a lot on this project and only really jump over to side projects as they call to me, but it's easier to do that when your average isn't struggling to keep up with your daily par number. it simply does not feel good to be constantly working just to barely get over the par.

as far as editing, i'm starting to fear i didn't budget enough time for that in my early projections, so the timeline might be off there. those due dates listed are for the final rough draft, which doesn't get a chance to rest before immediately going into a month of editing. something just tells me now that a month isn't going to be enough to cover a content edit for each fic. it's also relying on the technical edits being done week-to-week as each chapter goes up.

also added one more tracking tool recently:

this is to look at all the projects week-to-week, and really what it's done is made it obvious that I am in fact very focused on fic 1 lmao. in my defense, that's the one that has consistently had the highest required par, so it's easy to treat it as the most important. also, up to 27-aug is rough. I started writing these fics in Word, so I didn't have day-to-day stats to go back and check. I could only find those once I switched to Reedsy, so for the record I did not write 54k between 20-aug and 27-aug. same with the tex fic--that wasn't all written in one week.

this chart still only looks at ILaD progress, so you can see where I take my break in October and it cuts down a lot... but that's excluding the 10k that went into an unrelated fic, so I don't think taking this break has actually cut down on my writing much. it's just made me have a better time with it temporarily. i took a couple days off writing completely during October but like... I didn't really enjoy that? so I don't think that's the solution I'm looking for long-term.

anyway, thanks for coming to my ted talk. i will infodump again, and probably soon since all the end of the month posts are coming up in the next week.

[bookaddict24-7]

2024 Reading Goals!

I'm always a bit more lax with my reading goals because I never really know how a year is going to treat me--the last thing I need is stress over my reading (which is admittedly my biggest escape from life). BUT with that being said, making some goals that aren't set in stone is always a fun exercise!

Eleven Reading Goals I'd Like to Achieve in 2024:

Read at least 250 books. (I listen to a lot of audiobooks, so this isn't usually a major stress factor. Even if I wanted to read less, my reading addiction wouldn't really allow it. When I'm not reading, I'm thinking about reading. It's just who I am. BUT keep in mind that this is my goal based on my reading habits. everyone has a different reading habit!)

Finish, or nearly finish the Sookie Stackhouse series. (Of course, this is super dependant on when I get the audiobooks from the library LOL.)

Finish the books on my desk. (I have...a few started books on here. It's cluttering up the space and I feel like I just really want to read them but I'm a mood reader, so...)

(Fourth Wing is a re-read that I was annotating and dropped when something new came out and my attention was stolen away.)

4. Read a few books from each bookshelf of my bedroom. (I already went through the shelves last week and assigned myself a handful of books or so from each shelf for each month of 2024. I just want to specifically target some of the books on my shelves to encourage myself to read more of my owned books. Maybe I should share that progress on here to keep myself accountable. Hm...)

5. Continue to DNF books I don't like. (This is a practice I've been using for the last couple of years, but I also want to remind anyone reading this that it is OK to put down that book you're not vibing with. Life is too short.)

6. Read more formats, not just audiobooks. (I LOVE audiobooks and owe them so much. But I also do sometimes miss having the attention span to read physically. I read a lot more physical books in November & December and I loved it. Also, I pay for KU, so I might as well use it more in 2024.)

7. Try to buy less books. (Seriously, I've gone off the deep end in the last four months. I need to rein it back in. Maybe I should keep a monthly track of it to remind myself not to do the book buying thing as much.)

8. Diversify my reading even more. (Pretty self-explanatory, I think.)

9. Continue to review every book I read this year. (I've been doing this for the past couple of years and it has felt both a bit overwhelming and super rewarding. I love that I can look back on these last few years and read my opinion of whatever books I read during those years.)

10. Unhaul more books. (Life is too short and my shelves are too full to keep books I felt meh about, or don't think I need. Trust me: the first unhaul is the hardest, but after that, it's a little too easy to unhaul books.)

11. Read more of my ARCs. (They are currently staring at me from their designated shelves. I WILL read my very old ARCs at some point in my life, hopefully some will be in 2024.)

___

What are some of your goals for 2024?

___

Thank you for being with me throughout another year of book blogging and post sharing! I hope everyone has a fantastic year full of reading and good health!

___

Happy reading!

[clochanamarch]

the important questions. ( for either john as she knew him during their time at the school or later as an adult, dealer’s choice! )

send in " THE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS. " and i'll answer the following questions in relation to aisling and your muse! ( ACCEPTING! )

gonna do both bc that's her PROTEGE right there--

school era john:

would she trust your muse to look after her children?: absolutely, but i wanna be specific regarding the context here, bc aisling goes on to become a culinary teacher and the cook at the school just so that advik has a familiar face around when he reveals himself to be a mutant, right? so i figure that she spends a month worrying about how to juggle everything, very overwhelmed, very stressed by how much she has to do between westchester and manhattan, and then along comes john, and after they break the ice a little she's like "u know what, advik, john here is really cool. and he might be a little intimidating sometimes, but you see that hedgehog mug? i gave him that mug. you can trust him if you ever get scared, okay?" and like, that's when she starts to divide her time more evenly bc she KNOWS advik has someone in the school to help him besides herself.

would she name a dish in the diner after your muse?: listen. she, and by she i mean i, have a whole feckin mindmap of ideas here, we just need to commit to one. he's gonna have one by the end of the week tho i promise--

would she specifically introduce your muse to stanley and richard?: i have this secret internal imagined scene where aisling invites john to spend the winter holidays with the squad, and stanley is so outwardly open about how happy he is to meet this boy who helped aisling and advik so much, but richard is a little more quiet about it until he reveals that aisling actually asked him to make the mug for john, and he shows off his own mug and fills john's mug with cocoa every morning so they can do the crossword together, like i have BIG feelings about this--

does she trust your muse enough to tell them about her past?: i'm gonna say that she doesn't tell him because he's just a kid himself in this chapter of their dynamic, but it's nothing to do with a lack of trust, just that she wouldn't wanna dump her trauma on him like that!

would she tell her children and the squad to trust your muse in an emergency?: yep. advik is under strict instructions to stay close to john the next time the school gets attacked.

would she give your muse a copy of the key to the apartment?: she gives it to him over the holidays so he has a place to go on weekends and whatnot, like she joins the school at the end of august and she has that key made up at the beginning of december.

would she negotiate your muse's safety with the company (and would they grant that request)? i know she does. i also know that the company already knew not to do it bc they've made the mistake of hassling the kids before and she frightened the shit out of them just for sending a few texts, so they see this lad walking into the diner and they're just like frantically underlining "do NOT GO NEAR!!" in their files. ( this changes a teensy bit in the older john tho--)

would she tell your muse about the company? i think she doesn't at first, but later on she's aware that the company are beginning to go public in a lot of ways, including relating to mutant-human relations, so she's like. even though they know not to go against her, she still needs to warn him so that he can warn the others about the new faces emerging. (listen it's not that she doesn't trust charles but she doesn't trust him, she DOES trust that john will tell the necessary people and keep it alive so that people don't forget!)

would she take your muse to ireland? it's like this: if he asked to go to ireland, she'd take him to a different county to the one she was raised in. she'd likely bring him to galway or limerick, where the accents are close enough to hers that he wouldn't question it, and he could still go around and see all the sights and experience the irish way of living fully. but because she wouldn't tell him about her past at this point, she wouldn't bring him to clare, where everyone would just out her entire history instantly. even in galway and limerick she's gonna wear a hat and hide her features as much as possible.

would she tell your muse about eoin? no, but i like the idea that she'd introduce him to hurling, which eoin was famous for doing, and she'd maybe speak a little about that? like "hold the hurley like this. eoin used to wrap tape around the handle to make it easier to hold." or "you've got a fantastic swing! but be careful, he'd have killed me if he thought i was advising you not to wear a helmet!"

NOW ADULT JOHN!

send in " THE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS. " and i'll answer the following questions in relation to aisling and your muse!

would she trust your muse to look after her children? short answer, yes, absolutely, no questions asked. HOWEVER!! she's not gonna just dump it on him, yk? particularly after everything he goes through in the window between younger!john and older!john, like she makes sure he's good and comfortable and ready in himself to do that. but she absolutely would trust him to protect her kids, and what's more, the kids would trust him too!

would she name a dish in the diner after your muse? it's in progress i promise!! (but of course she is. with his permission obvs!)

would she specifically introduce your muse to stanley and richard? i know she already did when he was younger, but the concept of him returning and aisling's like "stanley, richard, you already know--" and the two of them are so relieved to see him, and richard just waits until later that night to show him the hedgehog mug that's kept in the cupboard with his journal. "we never read it. aisling wouldn't let anyone read it."

does she trust your muse enough to tell them about her past? i think now that he's older, she would tell him, but only if he specifically asked, yk? like if she reacted strangely to something and he just straight up asked her what was going on, she'd tell him then, probably to provide context for the times she warned him about the company, too.

would she tell her children and the squad to trust your muse in an emergency? yes. honestly, he's on the emergency contact list. someone cutely put his number in as "FIRE AND RESCUE!" so all the kids, even the new foster kids, instinctively understand that that's the number to call when shit hits the fan.

would she give your muse a copy of the key to the apartment? yes, and he's gonna get another copy if he lost the first one!

would she negotiate your muse's safety with the company (and would they grant that request)? so this is what i meant earlier, bc john isn't a child anymore, so the company are a little less committed to their earlier promises. that said, aisling still warns them off, only this time it's more like "you don't want to do that.". only they sorta do. and then they do their research, and the realization that he could just burn their entire empire to the ground is enough to make them reconsider!

would she tell your muse about the company? by this point in the game, yes, she does tell him, because the fact is that he isn't a kid anymore, and they can and will find a way to get to him. that said, i think she starts to involve him more because his strategies in relation to oppositions are a lot more unique to hers than the rest of the squad, so they stand a chance at making a bigger dent.

would she take your muse to ireland? i think that she would take him to clare at this point, but only on the condition that he's still keen to go after finding out about her past.

would she tell your muse about eoin? she'll struggle, but she probably tells richard and stanley that they can tell him about it. and i think it'd be because the company got a little too close and she just needs him to understand what they're capable of and willing to do, so eoin is a prime example of that. like she trusts him just fine with the story of eoin, but she doesn't trust herself to tell him in a way that expresses WHY she needed to tell him in the first place, yk?

[orthodoxadventure]

Hello Sister, how are you? How has your journey with God been? How has your journey with exploring Orthodox been? You are in my prayers, St. Rita is the Saint for the impossible, I am praying for you 🙏 Jesus loves you so much!

Hello, thank you for the prayers and kind words. I really appreciate them. Jesus loves you so much also!

In truth, I've been very much caught up in trying to sort my housing situation. Which has prevented me from engaging in the studying side of things as much as I'd like to. I have still been attending Liturgy, and working on improving my commitment to prayer. Which I feel has been helping.

My Priest has been very busy over December, and he says he will continue to be very busy for most of January. So I haven't had much in terms of conversations with him about entering as a Catechumen. Although, he did say he would like to get to know me more before he considered that possibility. Which I'm currently finding a bit difficult, because he is obviously very popular during coffee hour so I haven't had much opportunity to speak with him. I definitely need to work on my shyness lol.

I'm hoping once things get more settled, I'll have more of an opportunity to both study in my own time, as well as get to know him better to the point where he feels comfortable accepting me as a Catechumen. I do think that I need some directed study for me to properly get a feel for Orthodoxy. Because right now I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with what to read. And although I have been enjoying reading the Saints, it doesn't always help me with questions that I might have with the faith.

Entering as a Catechumen into the Orthodox Church is something that I am very much wanting to do. And right now, that is what my goal is working towards (in the faith side of things anyway).

I will keep you in my prayers also! <3

[one-abuse-survivor]

hey there ! anon with the abusive sister here. hope you're doing okay ! (if i've already sent in an ask pls ignore the last one—my memory is super bad rn and i cant really remember if i did or not-)

thank you so much for your kind words !! september went really well and she didn't show up ! i was a bit stressed, and did spend the first two days feeling incredibly sick from stomach cramps. on the bright side, i invited my friend down and spoke to her and her mum about the trauma and they both said that it sounds like i have ptsd (i trust them both on their opinions because my friend has ptsd from something in her childhood that affected her really badly, so she has first-hand experience about living with ptsd). they both suggested that i go to therapy, which i think my parents are warming up to, but we're all concerned about social services getting involved. we've had negative experiences with social services before, and we dont want them making a fuss of things. we're also worried that i might not be believed or that it will get downplayed as 'sibling rivalry.' although, sometimes my parents backtrack and downplay it themselves and say that it 'wasnt that bad' which really, really hurts. i've given up trying to explain how her abuse affected me and i dont really talk about it with my parents anymore, since my mum always brings up something from her childhood which was worse. sometimes i start to wonder if im making it all up for attention, and that my hatred towards her is distorting things...then i remember my lack of memories, a particular event when i was around 12/13 that terrified me, and a mental breakdown i had in the school locker room, in the middle of the day, because of the gaslighting text messages she sent me.

my sister's been causing trouble recently because it was my birthday in early december (the only birthday i can remember was last year's and the year before—i cut her off three months before that first birthday i can remember) and then it was christmas, so she wanted presents. she also changed her name to her birth father's name (we have separate dads, thank god) which upset my mum quite a lot. it didnt help that my mum's side of the family spent christmas together and never invited us down, which sucked and made us realise that, to them, my parents and i aren't very important to my toxic family members. i got over that pretty quickly, though.

i do have a question: how do i comfort myself when im triggered/feeling sad or overwhelmed from the abuse? my dog and rabbit died within three months of each other, and they were my main sources of comfort whenever things got too much or mental illness was too bad. now that they're gone, though, im finding myself feeling quite disconnected from reality—especially now that my rabbit is gone. everything seems more overwhelming then it did before. im not sleeping well, or im sleeping too much (either way im still exhausted when i get up) and i seem to be getting triggered more and more by physical touch and sounds.

thank you so much in advance !! have a nice day :D

Hi again! ❤️

I'm really glad your sister didn't show up during September after all, and really glad you had people around you who were understanding about your trauma.

I'm sorry your parents haven't been as supportive as they should be, though. It's awful that they try to downplay your abuse and tell you they went through worse. If your mum had experiences she considers "worse" than yours, then she should go to therapy herself so she can talk about them, and not use them to downplay your own experiences. Trauma isn't a competition, and what matters isn't who had it "worse". What matters is what each individual person needs so they can be safe and eventually heal and/or learn to live with their trauma. I'm glad you have proof of your sister's abuse that you can resort to when doubt starts creeping in. But just in case you need to hear it: no, you are not making anything up for attention. Your sister abused you.

Ugh, it sucks that she caused trouble again during Christmas and your birthday. It's great that you got over all of it quickly, but you shouldn't have to put up with her or any toxic family member's crap.

Also, I'm really sorry for your loss :( It's always hard to lose a pet, but I can't imagine how devastating it must be when they were your main source of comfort when triggered.

Here is a list of healthy coping skills you can check out. Since your pets used to help you, maybe you can try soothing yourself through touch, like using stuffed toys, blankets or soft clothes. They might have the same effect as holding your pets close did. Smells can also be very helpful; have you got any blankets that smell like them? Are there any other smells in general that you like and that you can carry around with you?

Something that can also help is to make an easily accessible list of things that soothe you as you find them. You can make it (and update it) when you're feeling fine, and that way, you'll be able to look at it when you get triggered and you won't have to come up with ways to soothe yourself when you're already in that state of emotional distress.

Alongside the list, you can even have an emergency box filled with things that bring you comfort, like soft toys, fidget toys, things that smell nice, or anything else you can think of that might distract you or make you feel better. When I made mine, I filled it with sticker sheets because stickers soothe me, and also with lists of all my comfort shows, movies and videogames.

Other than that, have you considered adopting another pet? It' might not be a possibility, but if it is, I think it could really help, since you already know that being near animals when you're triggered helps you calm down.

Hope some of this helps, and hope you're doing well. Sending a big virtual hug ❤

[anticonspiracist]

an ask from the larrie anon

[in reference to this ask and response]

Hi,

Thank you for answering my questions in a serious way. I would like to continue this dialogue for a bit, but I will stay on anon… feels more safe to me.

Due to the length of your ask, I’ve decided to publish it here in pieces to respond more coherently. There’s also a bit at the end that you asked me not to mention so I have edited that bit of your post and noted where the edit is.

A little background info, so you can understand who you’re talking to. I’m a 40 year old woman from the Netherlands. I’m quite fluent in English, but there might be some mistakes here and there, so don’t see those as a lack of intelligence. I’m a mom [edited] and I work in marketing. I have a bachelor’s degree in English literature with minors in sociology, psychology and journalism; I consider myself as intelligent, emphatic, and openminded, but I understand this might mean nothing to you as anyone could say that about themselves.

Some more background info about myself, so you can better understand where I come from: I’m a mid-30s, single, bisexual woman. My college degree is in political science and classical studies – Latin was my concentration. I’m currently enrolled in a graduate program in political psychology. My interest is in the conspiracy mindset and its role in American politics. I have read a couple of studies that investigated the conspiracy mindset overseas, including in Germany. From this limited dataset, it doesn’t appear that the conspiracy mindset in America differs greatly from those in other countries, but until there’s more robust investigation we can’t say that conclusively. Oh also, in my day job I teach emergent bilingual students. My students range from very little English to near-native speakers.

 I became a Larrie during one of the first lockdowns in my country (no conspiracist ideas about the pandemic btw😉 ) a lot of free time drove me to TikTok (which I’ve left since then)

During lockdown for me, I started watching a few different series on streaming platforms and turned to an old hobby, crocheting. Since March 2020 I’ve made like 10 blankets. Now I’ve moved onto quilting! Also now that highly effective N95s are widely available and I have the means to purchase them, I am active in local politics. 

 and I came across videos of Harry. I thought him funny. Knowing TikToks algorithm, I came across more and more Harry videos, which led to 1d, which led to Larry. And that’s basically how it started. I searched through all kinds of info, from larries and anti’s. I think it’s important to mention that ‘I don’t want to believe this is true.’ Although a lot of Larries describe this as the biggest love story on earth, to me it is a story of hardship and oppression of teenage boys. 

I understand that TikTok can be a disorienting experience due to the absence of a clock and that videos placed in front of you have no timestamp, so I’m going to take a moment to remind you that Louis will be 31 years old in December, and Harry will be 29 in February. They are not teenage boys. They’re millennials, just like you and I. 

I’d much rather they didn’t have to go through all that (although I do believe Harry and Louis love each other very much). From what I’ve gathered, I just believe that sadly they did have to endure all that.

Your writing later on directly contradicts this statement, that you’d rather they didn’t have to go through all of what you imagine. In fact, there is overwhelming evidence that they did not go through what larries claim they did and do suffer. Larries so easily dismiss all of this because it doesn’t make them feel good like the imagined oppression does. By viewing these men as needing your help, it gives you a purpose. During the initial lockdowns, so many people throughout the world turned to the comforting thought of a conspiracy theory which had all the answers. You aren’t alone in this phenomenon and it is a well-documented one. 

Now, I am not one of those “ooh, blue and green” larries. To me it’s about a combination of these things:

1. Do I believe the music industry is capable of doing this? Yes, absolutely. While the article added by your friend shows it has been possible for nsync to win against their label, that does not suffice for me to believe 1d would also be able to do so. For one, Nsync’s case was ten years before 1d even existed. Plenty of time for labels to adjust their contracts to prevent this from happening again. Secondly, there is so much evidence from ex-Xfactor contestants pointing to their contracts being unfair, harsh and just impossible to get out of (Rebecca Ferguson, just stated that contracts go on for 20 years for instance. Rebecca Fergusson, Cher Loyd, Jedward and others have all spoken up about the unfairness… are those people all to be ignored? Liam has talked about their treatment, Harry himself has recently talked about impropriety clauses and how it affected him. So yes, I believe something was very wrong during 1d and I think their label and management is to blame.

Louis and Harry have been out of One Direction for longer than the band existed, at this point. Like I mentioned previously, both of them have hired their own management teams. Both of them are in charge of their careers. Both of them are white multimillionaires. When Harry mentioned that clause, please don’t forget the context:

Styles said he often spent interviews terrified about saying the wrong thing until he stopped to question what abhorrent belief or bizarre opinion he was scared he'd accidentally reveal and realized he couldn't think of anything. He thought about how, when good things happened—say, a No. 1 album—he wouldn't feel happy, just relieved. And he thought about the cleanliness clauses in the contracts he used to sign, which would dictate that they would be null and void if he did anything supposedly unsavory, and about how terrified that used to make him. And about when he signed his solo contract and learned that the ability to make music would not be affected by personal transgressions, he burst into tears, a reaction he still seemed shocked by, retelling it to me now, years later. "I felt free," he explained. https://www.bhg.com/better-homes-and-garden-magazine/harry-styles/

The music industry is fucked! That’s not in dispute. But is it so fucked that Harry Styles at the age of 28 is still being treated the same as he was at age 16? By the same people? He’s not bound by the same contract, even. Regardless of what Rebecca Ferguson has said about her dealings with X-Factor, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are not in her shoes. Rebecca deserves people to care about her situation and want to help her because she has gone through it, not because they believe Harry and Louis are in the same situation today. They are demonstrably not.

2. Do I think Harry and Louis are queer? Well, I’m a Larrie… so obviously I think they are. I don’t know whether they are gay, bisexual or anything else on the queer spectrum, but that also doesn’t matter imo. Even if you take Larry out of the equation, I would still believe they are queer. For Harry, what convinced me are his slip-ups. During 1d interviews he would often answer with ‘they, a person who’ when asked about romantic interests, but he would sometimes slip up with ‘he’. Could that be deliberate? Sure, it just didn’t look deliberate to me and I trust my own judgement in that. For Louis, I see no real chemistry between him and the women he was with. I also see him sing a song like “Only the Brave” and it only makes sense to me if he were queer. The way he encourages fans bringing rainbow flags. Could he just be an ally or queerbaiting? I think he would be hugely overshooting the cause if that were the case. Every show he’s looking at a huge portion of his fandom not wondering if he’s gay, but actually believing he’s gay. I believe he is a kind man and would not play with fandom’s feelings that much, nor would he allow the feelings of his loved ones be hurt over and over again (and there would be things he could do to make me think otherwise).

What you didn’t address from my initial response was that if what you believe were to be true, your behavior as a larrie is harmful to Harry and Louis. Your open speculation about their sexualities is harmful. Would you do this to a friend? I had a student about five years ago who was openly gay in my classroom. He came to class one day heated. I asked him what was wrong and he said, “ugh, freshman.” He then related how he’d been walking down the hallway and heard these freshmen girls behind him wondering out loud if he was gay, clearly not intending him to hear, but he did. “I turned around and said, ‘Yes! But you could just ask me, not whisper behind my back!’” That is just what you do when you speculate about people’s sexualities, especially when they have told you in no uncertain terms that they don’t appreciate that speculation. You say you aren’t a “blue green” larrie, but you do prioritize the “signals” that larries claim these men send over the words they actually say. You claim to be able to tell “chemistry” by viewing photos of two people, but that is absurd. To condemn a relationship as false because you see only what you want to see in a limited selection of photographs (larries do not, as a rule, view all photos in a paparazzi series) is, frankly, absurd. As I mentioned before, Louis has said he’s straight. He has spoken often about his love for his girlfriend, and his love for his son. Until and unless he says something else, it is harmful to deny his words. Not because Louis is going to see your blog, but because you have other people viewing your blog and seeing how you ignore what he says, so why would you listen to them? As a teacher, it’s important for me to create a classroom space where students like the one I mentioned can feel safe coming out to me. Part of that is accepting whatever it is that they tell me about themselves. Their perception of their sexuality or gender identity can change drastically over the time period I know them, and if a student comes out to me as gay, it’s possible in two years they come out to me as trans. Ignoring their words is simply not acceptable. When you do that as a so-called fan, you are merely telling your followers that people’s words and truths don’t matter as much as how you feel about the matter. 

3. Do I think Larry have been/are together? Yes. I read your comment about being a teacher and having seen a lot of boys act this way. I have three younger brothers, have always had more guy-friends than girl-friends and, although I recognize there can be a certain playfulness/closeness between especially teens, I have never seen boys caress each other as tenderly as Louis and Harry have been seen doing in moments they didn’t think others would see. It’s the closeness of lovers to me, not of best friends. But,.. up to how you interpret things I guess. I tend to lean towards them being together since the beginning, because I’ve seen no evidence of things having changed.. but, I always try to leave room for the universe being a dick, so I’d say I’m about 90 percent sure they still are together now.

You haven’t seen boys caress each other like you think you’ve seen Harry and Louis do so? Cool. I have! So, what’s the truth?? Regardless, consider how much of the “evidence” that you’ve seen is in gifs, which are always divorced of context and in many cases, are slowed down and/or reversed. Plenty of people who were larries and who have decided that had erred recount feeling duped when they realized just how much of the evidence they’d been shown had been manipulated.

Furthermore, Louis has a long-time girlfriend and a six-year-old son and Harry has a long-term girlfriend and has spoken about how happy he is. That is evidence that what you believe to be true is actually not. You cannot just dismiss out of hand everything that these men say because it doesn’t fit with the conclusion you began with.

Feel free to ask me stuff by the way, happy to have my believes tested.

I am aware of confirmation bias and that is one of the reasons of me contacting you. To really discover the truth you have to consider the opposite as well. I do wonder however if you are aware of your own confirmation bias. You stated that you were already interested in conspiracy theories before entering fandom and the article that lured you in had the exact term ‘conspiracy’ to trigger you in it’s title. Is it possible you too only see things confirming your believes? Have you actually gone through all the information Larries provide? Have you tried seeing the other side as I am now?

I have, actually, gone through every bit of so-called evidence that larries have provided. Every scrap of it has been debunked. My first 20 days in fandom I had a larrie trying to recruit me. She was unsuccessful.

What you’ve named a confirmation bias in my regard is actually not that at all – it’s a bias toward reality, and what can be proven. You and other larries claim that somehow, Harry and Louis are contracted to do these things against their will, but have no evidence of that, cannot name who else is party to these contracts, and also cannot explain how, if Harry and Louis don’t want to be in this situation, they can’t just … breach the contract and wait to be sued by … whoever. It’s at this point in the conversation that the larrie without fail said I’m ignorant, homophobic, et cetera.

You say closeting doesn’t happen the way we think, with paid beards. How do you know though? It’s possible there are many other examples we just don’t know about. What specifically lead me to believe it is possible, is Louis Theroux’s doc “When Louis Theroux met… Max Clifford”. Specifically the part where Louis asks Max what he would do if someone were gay. The answer being that he would create a long relationship. Create… does not seem like he would ask a friend of the gay person to act as a beard to me. Max Clifford being closely connected to Simon Cowell and having worked with 1d in the beginning cements this for me. I absolutely think they would employ someone to beard. I don’t think Holivia is that way though. Harry and Olivia both gain from this arrangement in other ways.

How do I know? How do you know there are bearding contracts? What I do know is that every example that larries bring up of bearding does not coincide with their beliefs about how Harry and Louis are allegedly closeted. Larrie evidence for their existence is simply because you want it to exist because it explains why both of these men have women in their lives, look happy, and speak about them. Whatever you think is real doesn’t matter. You say it is happening with no evidence whatsoever except for your feelings. You have the burden of proof here, and you haven’t proven anything.

One last thing I want to address is your evidence of how closeted people in bands behaved. How they were mostly scared to come out and never told anyone even. I understand your point. I also understand how unfair it has been to Lance Bass. I personally never bring up Lance Bass, I try to look at situations as a part of a whole, but also separate from everything else. I think though that Harry and Louis’s situation differs from those others because there were two of them in the same band. Had it only been one of them, maybe they would’ve also stayed silent., but being a pair changes the dynamic. They were stronger as a pair, they were together so much and if the person you love is right in front of you.. you don’t just stay silent.

Cool. Louis had a girlfriend during X-Factor, Hannah, and then after Hannah began dating Eleanor. Louis is a serial monogamist. What you’re writing about is fan fiction. And I’ve got nothing against fic! I love fic. However, don’t conflate fictional stories on the internet with reality.

I don’t think I fit the mould of a conspiracy theorist, but which ct does? The way I see myself considering this situation is: I saw something wrong in 1d/Larry. I am very concerned for those men. I admire them a lot. Would it break my heart if it were not real, no. Do I think it is real, yes.

What you saw were TikTok videos about a band that broke up in December 2015 created by conspiracy theorists. When the pandemic began, I mentioned to @back-to-louis that we were going to see a surge in conspiracy theorists of all kinds due to the mass trauma being felt across the world. There was a surge of larries just like there was a surge of anti-vaxxers and QAnon believers. No one is naturally immune from falling down the rabbit hole, but some people are more susceptible to it than others. I was already extremely online prior to March 2020 and am able to suss out good sources from bad. I also had healthy hobbies to fill the extra time I found on my hands. Though I live alone, because so many of my friends were actually internet friends, I wasn’t missing out on in-person social activities like others were. And outside of these considerations, through being a teacher and informal research on the subject, I had already inoculated myself against conspiratorial thinking. I can recognize the hallmarks of a CT easily and I don’t fool myself into thinking that any of them are harmless.

Not sure if I covered everything, but I am out of time right now. Looking forward to having you and your friends dissect me 😉… 

You haven’t covered everything. You completely ignored the antisemitism present in your conspiratorial beliefs and have nothing to say about who could possibly be forcing all of this oppression on these white multimillionaires.

[chasingpj]

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬

pairing: percy jackson x child of zeus!reader and jason x older sibling!reader

requested: yes!

warning: two curse words, mentions of stealing, death of a parent, and i believe that is it!

category: headcanons, fluff

a/n: i may have gotten too carried away but... i had a lot of fun writing this haha. i hope you guys like it!

pre-relationship

you and percy invented the phrase power couple but coming together took a while

your relationship dynamic would be very similar to thalia and percy's at first

you're both natural-born leaders, so you guys butt heads very often

you're more calculated and organized when it comes to things and percy being impulsive really annoyed you

he's lucky that even though he is impulsive, things somehow always work out in the end

if it wasn't for annabeth urging you guys to get along, you probably would still be at each other's neck

how did she get you guys to get along, you may ask?

she locked you guys in a storage closet :)

and said figure it out ♡

this happened after a friendly sparring practice turned into a full-on fight with your powers

annabeth insisted she wouldn't let you guys out until you declared to be friends

at the time, you were like, percy will never be my friend, ew

percy was just as annoyed

after a good hour of bickering and resisting your urge to choke him out

you guys found that you had a lot in common, actually?

huh, who would have known?

apparently annabeth

you guys talked about your life outside of camp and bonded over the worst teachers you've ever had

turns out, percy wasn't that bad

you'd never admit that out loud though

after a while, you started to feel things

were percy's eyes always that pretty?

yes, they've always been

oh look, those freckles over his nose? adorable

did you just call Percy adorable? yeah, you did… gross

you tried to deny your attraction to him

you were pretty sure this was a cruel joke from aphrodite (it was… more for your dad's than for you guys, though)

then you started noticing changes in his behavior too

now you guys were sharing blankets at the campfire when it got chilly

he even shared the blue cookies his mother sent him too

that's when you should have known he was down bad

both of you have awful sleep schedules

you hated sleeping in cabin 1

it was clearly built not to be slept in, and every few days, you found yourself having late-night conversations with percy at the docks

once the harpies snuck up on you and percy told you to get in the water with him

you didn't know how to swim, and you were kinda horrified of open water

you wanted to refuse, but you were cornered on the docks

you either jumped or got eaten

the last thing you said was that you couldn't swim before percy didn't give you a choice

he grabbed your hand and jumped in

his arm wrapped around your waist to keep you in the air bubble he had made around you guys

at first, you didn't focus on it

too busy trying to defend yourself from his teasing

he continued to mimic the way you screamed when he dragged you into the water

"wow, you can fly, but you can't swim?"

you rolled your eyes, trying to defend yourself

you called him annoying, and he playfully threatened to let you drown

you guys joked and laughed, staying a little too long underwater

after your laughter ceased, you found yourself looking into his eyes

the both of you became quiet

suddenly his arm around your waist, the way your chests were pressed against each other made you horribly flustered

and you're not sure what you were thinking

actually, you weren't thinking at all, but you leaned in and kissed him

like really kissed him, it was a proper kiss

ahhhhhh!!!

probably would have kissed him longer if the water nymphs didn't giggle, exposing their little audience

once you pulled away, they scattered, ready to gossip about what they saw

the news made it to atlantis pretty fast

after the kiss, things were so awkward

you avoided him for days, and he avoided you

annabeth felt the tension, and she was upset because just when you guys were getting along, suddenly, you guys were avoiding each other

the battle of manhattan was approaching soon and the last thing anyone wanted was for you guys not to get along

you both avoided annabeth’s questions, not ready to confess what you guys had shared

eventually, annabeth kept pressing you about what happened

you blew up and admitted that you made out with percy in the water

annabeth was speechless before she burst into laughter

you didn't understand why it was so funny at first

but then you did

the both of you laughed until annabeth said that she wasn't surprised at all

the battle of manhattan comes around, and in the urgency of the moment, you guys were able to rise to the occasion

your movements, thoughts, commands were completely coordinated

you guys were an extension of each other, kicking ass

at the end, you were both offered immortality

the offer took you back to a conversation you guys had where you spoke about how you'd never want to be immortal

the both of you exchanged looks before you simultaneously denied the gift

zeus was offended x2

after that, you guys returned to camp half-blood

the both of you were upset at the campers you've lost and trying to recover from the adrenaline of battle

you and annabeth sang percy happy birthday and the three of you sat together and ate blue cake in a comfortable silence

weeks passed, and one day, you're met with annabeth barging into your cabin asking when you and percy are going to talk about your kiss

it was the last day of camp, and she was insistent on you talking to him

you reluctantly agreed, mainly because annabeth threatened to lock you in a storage closet again

you guys sat on the dunes in silence for a while

the both of you wanted to confess, but neither knew how to do it

after some silence, the both of you spoke at the same time

you stuttered over each other and then began bickering back and forth on who should go first until you blurted out that you like him

you cringed and looked away as percy froze in his spot

it was silent for a moment before percy whispered, "I like you too."

cue your second kiss

your teeth slightly bumping with his since the both of you were smiling so much

and you swore you heard thunder in the distance even though there were clear skies

relationship

you lived in a foster home on the other side of manhattan, so you guys saw each other every weekend

you guys went on movie dates, long drives, and you would sleep over pretty often

for the spooky season, you went to haunted houses and carved pumpkins

you watched horror movies together, teasing each other when one of you jumped and tried to cover your face during the scary parts

you went to his place for Thanksgiving and you arrived early so that the both of you could help sally cook all day

you and percy put blue food coloring on the mashed potatoes

for the first time ever, you felt like you were apart of a family since sally had welcomed you with open arms

everything was going great but then december came around

the last time you saw percy, you guys were christmas shopping for his mom

your last day of school ended a few days after his, so you planned to meet at CHB

but when you got there, you found out he never arrived

you called his home from the payphone in the big house

sally was relieved to hear from you, a part of her hoping he was with you

but you both found out that neither of you had heard from him in a few days

meeting jason

you and annabeth tried everything to find him

then you got a dream from hera that the answer to where percy is was with the guy with one shoe

you arrive and you find this blonde kid and not your boyfriend; you were kinda actually very annoyed

but this blonde kid felt familiar

you weren't sure what it was, and then you heard his name — Jason Grace

surely, it was a coincidence that he shared the name of your missing brother

you were too young to remember his disappearance

the only remembrance you had of him was a picture of the both of you as toddlers sitting happily beside thalia

you always wondered who was the little boy in the photo and it wasn't until a few years ago did thalia tell you about him disappearing

you were a bit wary of him at first, especially since he had no memory of where he came from

it wasn't until he conjured lightning with his sword, did you have no doubt in your mind that he was your brother

the first night you guys spent in the cabin together was awkward

you couldn't really catch up since he didn't remember anything, so you told him what thalia told you about him and your mother

you didn't reveal him everything, not wanting to overwhelm him and you had decided to call it a night before you went into detail

you explained the rest of the story after he came back from his quest

you tried to ask him questions hoping he’d remember more, but his memory wasn't coming back fast enough

both you and jason were growing frustrated, so one day you iris messaged thalia

the both of you came up with an idea to jog jason's memory by showing him things that he enjoyed as a toddler

jason was pretty sure it wouldn't work, but he went along with it

thalia recalled that the two of you really liked watching the flintstones as babies

so you and jason sat down and watched every season available on dvd

and well, it didn't work...

thalia also mentioned you both really liked sweets, so you tried to jog his memory with candy bars

you had to convince jason to sneak out of camp with you

he thought it was such a bad idea, but you reassured him he'd be fine

after reluctantly agreeing, jason and you escaped at night to buy actually steal candy bars from the closest gas station

jason panicked as he watches you shove candy bars in your sweatshirt

"we're gonna get caught"

"if you keep looking that scared, we just might," you replied a little too calmly

he tried to relax, but he just looked like he saw a ghost the entire time

on your way back, you may have electrocuted a harpy and fought a couple cyclops and all the fighting and running made you lose one of your snicker bars

you were upset, to say the least

unfortunately, after stuffing him with chocolate, that didn't work either

then you tried to show him the few pictures you were able to salvage before you were taken to the foster home after the death of your mother

jason sat in front of you on the floor as you pulled the box from under your bed

you smiled, finding an old picture of your mother, and you put it up to his face, taking in the similarities between the two

"yep, you look just like her," you confirmed as you smiled sadly

even though jason didn't know her, he felt a sense of pride when you had told him so

every time a memory would come back, you were the first person he told

when his memories with lupa came back, you were shook

and then you teased him, saying that he's basically a dog

once you threw a twig and told him to go fetch

he didn't find it as funny as you and leo did, but oh well

you also asked if he howled at full moons, and you were met with the straightest face you've ever seen on jason

it was the funniest thing ever to you

every week you guys kicked ass in capture the flag

you guys were more alike than you thought

it was guaranteed that whichever team you were on would win

in the months when the argo II was being built, you had a lot of times to bond with jason

your dynamic was really fun as you were a bit more rebellious and silly while he was a lot more responsible and mature

after the argo II departed

you reuniting with percy was something you thought about for months

you were so excited when the argo II was officially ready to fly over to camp jupiter

your pulse was thumping in your ears when you saw percy in the crowd

after months of worrying about where he was and if he was still alive, it was almost surreal to see him right in front of you

you lunged into him so hard, he stumbled back as you kissed him

just like your second kiss, the both of you were smiling so hard your teeth kept bumping against his

"i love your new look," you commented on his toga, and he snorted,

"yeah?"

"oh yeah, it's kinda hot."

the both of you laughed, content to be in each other's arms again

after getting on the argo II, you were the reason jason and percy formed some sort of a friendship

you were the mutual ground for the both of them since they had a soft spot for you

the tension between the two was something you couldn't disregard and you hated how weird it was at the beginning

if they butted heads, you tried to mend the problem

you understood both of them well enough to understand where they came from

at some point, you and annabeth thought it would be funny to lock them in a storage closet

so you did

they kept complaining to be let out but eventually, they gave in

little did they know that you were standing near the door and listening to their conversation

jason told him how you helped him a lot and all the ridiculous things you made him do

and percy shared stories of you from quests and at camp

the both of them laughed and bonded over having someone as amazing as you in their lives

"y/n is pretty great," percy smiles

"yeah, they are," jason agreed

needless to say, your heart warmed at the praise from your two favorite boys

masterlists taglist: @xxyrr @nct127bee @mochabreezeee @minamisulemisa @yanfeisluvr @Slytherclaw-kitten @-thatgirloverthere- @passionswift @nanskidoodle @idk-bye-no @ilikefluffygingercats @all-hailreyna @autmngirlworld @Sunkissedskin1328 @Hermioneswifeee @quteez @hajigayy @aleksanderwh0r3 @drayshadow @tonyedwardstarkk @londoncherry @ashookykooky @lotusnegra666 @loverstyless

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

Who do you think made the first move, j or m? When and where?

so this ask quickly became something crazy long and i’m sorry but i’m also not because i think you guys will like this. i sure do.

ok so this was fun bc i wanted to answer this question as best as i could and i um found something that i don’t know if cockles truthers generally know???? jensen and misha got together officially(we know this bc of the anniversary post)on december 14, 2009. do you. do you want to know what episode they were filming then.

it was my bloody valentine.

do you want to know what episodes they were filming after having just gotten together????????? just for some perspective for the emotions they may or may not have been feeling at the time???

........ guys

it really puts it into perspective ummm why they were so adamant about not having stunt doubles and doing it themselves huh

oh and these bloopers mean a lot more to me now in context

these were before they were official:

i’ve always wanted to talk about misha in GENERAL during the season 5 gag reel but now contextualized it ALL MAKES SENSE. guys. he is not himself in the whole ass thing. in the sense that he has a huge. huge. huge. huge. huge. huge. huge. crush. on jensen. like it’s actually so adorable?????? his voice is so high. he makes dumb jokes just bc his mind isn’t on planet earth. he cracks so easily and is so smiley and has such giddy frenetic crush energy and i’ve never seen anything like that from him again EXCEPT sometimes during their(him and jensen’s) panels and interviews and stuff. i think people overlook just how gone misha is on jensen, tbh. and that’s why he’s so weird in this gag reel!!!!! like the ‘that was BEAUTIFUL’ in the strangest goofy voice um.......he’s just a bit overwhelmed bc this really hot guy is talking to him guys ok stay cool

he has a crush!!!!!!!!!! oh boy does he ever!!!!!!!

oh and of course jensen is no better bc he is actively flirting and TRYING to make misha break bc he enjoys his dumb smile and face so much. why am i getting emotional like i can imagine the sheer flirtatious awkward energy and their hearts racing and the butterflies and the ‘oh my god oh my god oh my god he’s so cute oh my god FUCK’ and you can constantly see it from both their ends on that gag reel like can you IMAGINE THAT WORKING ENVIRONMENT???

ok so i’m literally putting it all together. so this moment happens after they’ve wrapped up shooting season 4:

and my favorite thing about it isn’t just that they’re obvious dorks who are very obvious. it’s VICKI AND DANNEEL IN THE BACKGROUND. THEY ARE SMILING SO BIG. so that leads to the conclusion that they have to have known right??? like they might have even known before jensen and misha did. like those two were ridiculously transparent here and the vibes were DEFINITELY picked up on by their wives. i’m sure misha had no problems coming to terms with him having a crush on jensen; it’s not like that sort of thing was new to him. jensen though???? i mean, i analyzed that whole speech he gave in 2016, so his feelings were still terrifying him at this point. they must have been.

i’m purely speculating now. this is getting good. this is getting SO FUN. i think danneel and jensen HAD to have talked about it before anything happened. i wouldn’t be surprised if this exact moment right here didn’t prompt some sort of discussion. and they come to an understanding, clearly, because soon after, this happens:

this was in august 2009. and OH BOY GUYS GUESS WHAT THEY WERE FILMING AROUND THAT TIME. IT WAS THE ENDVERSE EPISODE. I SURE AM IN IT NOW HAHA

like jensen and danneel must have talked about it before then, right???? in order for jensen to feel comfortable giving a ring to a guy he clearly likes more than a friend?? so yeah. jensen has been given the ‘go ahead’ from danneel at this point and now they are in the ‘...is this really gonna happen’ phase.

so we’ve come to that phase. where the tension is at an ALL. TIME. HIGH. because jensen has permission and misha has permission. but they’re both like ‘ok but does he like me back????’ like oh my god they are children wow wow ok

so that ‘we’re gonna have a good time’ blooper???????? jensen was coming onto him HARD. all those times jensen was making faces at him to make him break?????? nothing but flirting. both of them. they are insufferable.

and then my bloody valentine happens. i don’t think they had hooked up yet. i think they were just realllyyyyyy enjoying each other’s company, like a lot, but they were too scared to do anything about it. and i think, well, know, because it’s been confirmed, that that’s when someone made a move. and i think it was jensen. and WHAT I THINK, not know, is that jensen asked him out to dinner, without saying outright that it was a date, and that it was during that dinner that they talked it out. anddddddd that’s that and they’re dating. and um here’s what the new couple did(just for context):

THEY’RE A BRAND NEW COUPLE HERE. DOES EVERYTHING NOT JUST MAKE COMPLETE SENSE NOW???

annnnnnd these too. they really were this messy right out of the gate.

[kathleenmarymulligan]

A Place to Lay our Heads, and a Long Journey Back to the Beginning

December 21, 2022

I am having trouble keeping track of the days. I keep thinking it’s Sunday today (and it’s Wednesday), I’m a bit astonished that we’ve been in India a week, and the fact that Christmas is four days away is mind-blowing. Anyone who knows me knows I love this holiday- and I’m getting a little misty thinking about not being with family this year. But this was a conscious choice (in order to meet with my students at Khalsa College and give them an “activity”—I’ve been advised NOT to call it an “assignment”--for over their winter break) and I will relish the chance to experience what Christmas is like in the Punjab. There are certainly signs of the holiday: our hotel is advertising that we can “satiate our Christmas cravings with luscious indulgences, handcrafted by our culinarians”—and for a mere 599 INR (about $7.00) we can have a “Jagermeister Bomb” (don’t know what that is—but yuck.) And there’s an old Anglican church near here from British times with a Christmas Eve service and Christmas day service- so we’ll attend one of those. There are artificial trees for sale in local stalls, along with Santa hats and some other silly stuff—and our hotel has some nice jazz versions of Christmas carols playing (the same playlist over and over…but at least it’s pleasant.) We’ll make our own unique Christmas tradition this year. But I’ll miss the Christmas House in Brookfield, MA where my sister-in-law Margo goes all out in their 18th century home.

The big news since last I wrote is that we found a place to live! David and I were all set to commit to an apartment that was darling—and very comfortable—but in a neighborhood I had some concerns about. In the meanwhile, I reached out to people I met when I was here in 2018—desperately seeking a recommendation for a real estate broker who might help us in our search. One of those people was an astonishing young woman named Aashna Sachdeva whom I had connected with in 2018.

Aashna and me in 2018

Aashna wrote to me Monday morning that her father, whose family had experienced Partition, was touched by the subject of my project, and wanted to help. Within an hour we were visiting a property he owns in a great part of town—and invited to make that our home for the next six months. The place is shared during the day by his partner and crew who are working on developing an app for film editing (it feels like we are in an episode of Silicon Valley minus the obnoxious characters)- but we have a spacious area upstairs. It was pretty sparse when we saw it, but Aashna’s mom Jasmina met me there the next day and made a list of things she could loan us for our stay: a couch, a table, a small frig, some rugs, etc. The generosity of this couple- who were complete strangers to us a week ago-is overwhelming. We move in on Friday- and we’re planning to treat ourselves to a little shopping spree at Home Centre and Fabindia (the temple of my familiar) to make the place feel homey.

This city is fascinating… and intense. Having an oasis of peace will be crucial.

Our new place:

Today, David and I headed to the old city with the plan of visiting the Golden Temple.

On our way

But when we got there, it was teeming with pilgrims, worshippers, and tourists—and we thought it wise to return early one morning or after dark—the times recommended by many. After stopping in at The Partition Museum (the place I visited in 2018 that prompted the whole idea for this Fulbright project),

Outside of the Partition Museum, housed in the old town hall

we made our way to the Jallianwala Bagh Memorial. If you don’t know or have forgotten: on April 13, 1919, a group of soldiers commanded by British Brigadier General R.E.H. Dyer entered an enclosed courtyard where a large group of peaceful protesters (men, women, and children) were gathered. He ordered the soldiers (sadly, all Indians serving in the British army) to fire into the crowd. No warning was made to disperse (such gatherings were forbidden)—they just fired –1650 rounds—and killed approximately 1500 men, women, and children. 120 of them jumped into the well in the courtyard to escape the bullets—and all drowned. I’m giving the barest of facts here. But see the scene the scene from “Gandhi” on YouTube below for a pretty accurate (and harrowing) seven-minute depiction (if, perhaps, a little kind to the panel that questioned Dyer later.) You'll see the Town Hall that now houses the Partition Museum in the clip. The space is now a memorial park to the victims and very well done, although the cheery music piped in makes for a bizarre counterpoint to the weight of what took place there.

Jallianwala Bagh

We were tired after that- and ready to head back to the hotel for a rest. That was not as simple as anticipated. We got ourselves lost in the warren of narrow streets that make up the old city- and my Fitbit knock-off alerted me that I had reached 10,000 steps long before we made it to a main road where we could call an Uber. And that was right back where we’d started. We had walked in a huge, confusing circle—past countless tiny shops, tea stalls and rickshaw drivers all offering to take us where we were going (but none knowing where our hotel was.) Although I had some nervousness that we might get robbed (pick pocketing and other theft are a big problem here)- we both sort of enjoyed the journey. The weather was cool and not unpleasant. There were lots of interesting things to see.

And we knew eventually we’d have to come to something familiar, which we did. It did feel incredibly good to finally climbed into an Uber and sit back as our driver made his way through unimaginable traffic to finally deposit us at our hotel (how does anyone drive in this city?) The Uber cost: 140 INR (about $1.75.) We tipped him more than the ride cost: that price might have been acceptable (for here) if it had been a clear shot—but that poor driver made no money on that ride.

Off to sleep- with the hopes that tonight I don’t wake up at my new time of 1 AM to lie and obsess for an hour before falling back to sleep.

Oh! My funny story of the day: mid-morning I went down to the lobby to ask about extending our stay by one night (the house isn’t quite ready for us.) There was a woman in the lobby impatiently asking for something from the staff. She had on her flannel plaid pajamas and slippers, was holding a cup of chai in each hand, and coughing non-stop. No mask. Not even an attempt to cover her mouth. She then went over to the elevator to head back to her room. I decided to take the stairs. This is a four-star hotel, folks.

And for a little laugh:

Until the next…

[sunnysviolin]

ok idk if youve been asked this before but i honestly think post-cannon sunny would try to pick back up playing the violin as a hobby. I don’t think he could bring himself to any time soon but eventually he would be able to start to play and I think he would make a hobby out of it because he genuinely loved to play pre-cannon. this could also tie into the crow omori hc because he would also start collecting sheet music. idk if sunny and hero would ever play together with hero on the piano or if he would ever perform or just keep it as a hobby and i wanna hear your thoughts

I have not been asked this before!! I’m loving it though, and this hits me in my favorite spot which is big brother Hero little brother Sunny...So while I also have a headcanon that Sunny could never really play violin again...the violinist and the writer in me cannot ignore this idea 👀👀👀 SO

Sunny goes back to high school in the fall in his new town. It’s overwhelming, and he starts only going half days with tutoring in the off. hours (Look me in the eyes and tell me this boy doesn’t have an IEP...do that)

His mom is the one who makes his schedule though, and his mom is trying her best to help him but in all the wrong ways. 

So when they ask what electives Sunny might enjoy she tells them he draws and plays the violin...so they put him in Orchestra. 

Sunny has a minor anxiety attack when he sees his schedule, and he doesn’t want to go. He might have made up with his friends, and he may have told the truth. He fixed his broken violin, but no this is too much. He skips Orchestra and hides in one of the bathrooms trying to breathe. 

He continues to skip Orchestra while diligently attending every other class. His orchestra teacher has never even met him, and the man is worried (tm). 

He had been given a one page summary of Sunny’s IEP just like all the rest of his teachers, and this avoidant behavior is a bad sign. He decides to ask Sunny’s resource room teacher to hold Sunny back for a second so he can at least talk to the boy

Sunny looks just how his teacher expects him to look- a tired pale boy who is too skinny, too small, and far too scared of him. 

Sunny is nearing freaked out, forgetting all of the breathing exercises he once knew and just trying to keep himself from completely losing it. His orchestra teacher keeps a good distance, lowering himself into sitting on one of the desks and letting Sunny settle a bit before speaking. It’s just the two of them left in the room, and he asked one of the other music teachers to run the beginning of class for him

His orchestra teacher listens as Sunny explains that he didn’t actually want to play the violin (...doesn’t wanna be near a violin at all tbh...) but his mother forced him to sign up. 

They reach a medium ground. Sunny will stop skipping orchestra, and his teacher will make him his assistant instead of having him play. Sunny helps to organize sheet music, tune instruments, rosin bows, and set up before class. He can sit and listen to the orchestra but he doesn’t have to participate unless he wants to. 

The exposure therapy of being surrounded by others playing helps to ease Sunny into confronting his desire to play again. He eventually shyly tells his teacher that he would like to relearn, but he hasn’t played in almost five years. 

Sunny’s last violin tutor had been a harsh old woman who stopped him in the middle of playing and screeched at him to correct his fingering and practice more. His new teacher starts him off slowly, and in private lessons once a week during lunch. Sunny relearns not only how to play, but how to love playing as well. He collects the sheet music that his teacher carefully writes out for him the same way he used to collect Mari’s. His new teacher writes his notes different to his sisters, but they still feel special and sacred. 

He eventually joins the orchestra for real and quickly rises up to be first chair of the violins. There are some days where he feels like his violin is too heavy to pick up, but a gentle smile from his teacher and the joy of his new friends in his orchestra helps him to overcome that guilt. 

He doesn’t tell his old friends that he’s started playing again. He isn’t even sure how to bring that up to them. 

Once again his mom is the one to thank. 

Sunny has his first concert on a freezing dark night in December. He had not wanted to play in it, nearly had another melt down, but his teacher had encouraged him to do it. he had eventually shared some of the bare bones of the story with his teacher- He had a sister he played with, she died the night of their recital. 

A recital was different than a concert, there was no solo, no single light on him. If he messed up his notes, they would not be heard by all, but still Sunny felt anxiety running up and down his spine. As he sat backstage he nervously fingered the hairs of his bow, letting a plume of rosin fly out into the air. The rest of his friends sensed his nervous energy, but they just assumed it was Sunny being Sunny. 

As he walked out into the too bright lights of the stage, Sunny’s mouth dried up and his mind went blank. He couldn’t remember his notes, he couldn’t even remember the right way to hold a violin. He shook hands with his teacher as was the custom of the first and the conductor. 

He sat woodenly, looking out at a sea of faces as his teacher stepped up to the mic to address the crowd of friends and family. His mom had said she would be there, but he couldn’t see her.

Then he spotted a familiar face. Actually, he spotted four. 

Sitting next to his mom was Hero, Kel, Aubrey, and Basil. Hero was wearing a neat jacket and dressy shirt, his hair styled in his usual way. He gave Sunny a grin when he saw Sunny noticing them. Kel sat next to his brother, waving furiously and beaming. Aubrey was elbowing Kel, rolling her eyes. Lastly was Basil, looking nervous as usual, but still there. In his hands was a dark blue pot containing a cluster of delicate white tulips. 

They had all come to see him. They were there to hear him play.

Deep emotion cut through the panic, and as his teacher ended his speech, Sunny closed his eyes and breathed out slowly. Calm Down. Focus. Persist

Sunny raised up his instrument and began to play.