#so i think it's a really simple and neat way to see it all laid out and it could do math for me

[vinnymauro]

i'm currently figuring out how excel works and i want to talk about it but i feel weird about it so here have a text post. now to talk in the tags!

[shiro-00s]

heaven on earth

41. one step closer .. !

[ genshin impact smau / idol!xiao x fem!reader ]

The sky was pretty, especially today. There were a few lanterns that were already up in the sky, illuminating the sky with spots of yellow here and there. The festival had a ton of small festive shops, selling traditional masks, and a few fun games. All leading up to the main attraction. The stage.

Among all the attractive stores, nothing could take away the glory that the stage presents, the kind that catches everyone’s eyes. It stood tall among the festival, a view you could see from any angle, and was included in every selfie taken.

The outdoor concert had a whole area to itself, a space waiting to be filled with loads and loads of people, and you had no doubt that it would be filled to the brim. The stage lights illuminate the large stage in the center of the space, giving the platform a much-needed spotlight. A few speakers that looked like they could destroy an eardrum were placed on the stage along with fog machines.

You nervously handed the staff the ticket gifted by your dear friend, Hutao, who you really wanted to strangle because of the dilemma she put you in, an all-or-nothing. You’d have given them a heads up, telling them to meet up with you but you hadn’t contacted a single soul about you coming to this concert.

Why? You had a huge ego. And you really, really didn’t want anyone to know that you were going to Xiao’s concert.

After the whole fiasco with Xiao-Yujin, the internet was skeptical, rightfully, due to it coming from PAIMON, who was the master at making things up. You were skeptical as well, but you were petty and you didn’t really want to go out of your way to ask him. Well, you’re doing it now.

So, after making up your mind about coming to Xiao’s concert - which took a long time - you reluctantly came to the concert with the words Hutao told you lingering in the back of your mind.

It’s about honoring his lost companions.

When the staff had verified your ticket, you looked around for something to do before the concert started. In an attempt to distract yourself, you found a small store that sold and taught the art of crocheting. Well, it does look cute. Why not?

A lady in her early 40s greeted you kindly, a gentle smile on her face as she showed you around the neat stall. When you seemed a little too puzzled, she asked, “Are there any crocheted flowers you’re looking for, dear?”

You blinked. Oh, that startled you.

You didn’t think the lady was one to talk but it seemed you were wrong. Shaking your head, you replied with a small ‘I’m afraid not.’ and a sheepish grin. The lady hummed at your response, looking around at her flowers before finally asking, “Who are you planning to give it to?”

You inhale, “Do you think I’m going to give it to someone?” Chuckling, your eyes scanned around for a simple flower, or anything pretty really, you didn’t mind. Since the lady was nice, you’d give it a shot, for her sake. You’ll give it to Hutao or Xiangling. Whatever.

The nice lady smiled, looking as if she was feeling some nostalgia before saying, “I’m well aware of the look in your eyes. I had the same one when I was your age, you know? Those longing eyes as if you’re waiting for someone.”

Suddenly you wish you didn’t enter this store or come to this festival.

Relaxing your shoulders and neck, you hunched down a little to stare at the flower that caught your eyes at the bottom of the stall.

“I don’t know. Really.”

The lady beside you crouched down to the same level as you, resting her face on her hand as she smiled a little before pointing at the flowers your eyes laid upon.

“Those are hyacinthus. If we’re talking about Greek mythology, Hyacinth is a divine hero who falls in love with Apollo and chooses him over 3 other beings.” She paused, picking up the hyacinthus and grabbing your wrist gently with her free hand.

“But eventually, he was killed accidentally by Apollo. Then he was resurrected again, by his lover and was gifted with immortality as well.” She let the flowers fall into your hands softly, the three crochet hyacinth flowers laying atop each other.

“That’s why its symbolism is devotion beyond the depths of life and death.”

Over the next thirty minutes, more people arrived at the festival along with the concert. The empty space from before had transformed into a mob of people. If you lose something here, you’re never getting it back. That’s why you held onto the flowers with a tight grip even if you didn’t have plans to give them to anyone. Totally.

Your hands were clammy from having to glance around you every 5 seconds in case one of your friends saw you. To say that you were dreading meeting them was an understatement. You’d dig the floor and bury yourself alive if they saw even a glimpse of you.

Reaching for your phone to look at the clock, the sound of a loud screeching noise reached your ears. The noise of microphone feedback alerted everyone to the beginning of a thrilling performance. The anticipation in the air was visible, and the atmosphere filled with excitement and eagerness of the crowd.

The beam lights lit up one after another from the left to the right, the floodlights following right after. The stage, the one piece of art that held the attention of everyone, was then adorned with shining bright lights. The soft glow highlighted the display of the new presence.

Along the stage stood four well-known individuals, the spotlights captured each artist in their glory, possessing an aura demanding attention. The crowd erupted into applause and gasps, the wildness they’ve been since the start. The presence of each spoke volume, all of which were hard to ignore. Each of them had a headset engraved to the side of their face around the ear and the mic extending to their lips. Their outfits are all unique and well-planned, matching the theme of the festival by adding a little bit of gold and black, which complemented their bodies greatly. Especially, Xiao, you think. You’re caught off-guard when the familiar dark-haired man’s head twisted and turned, almost as if he was looking for something - someone. You felt a little satisfied at the sight, the gears turning in your head even if you’re not too sure.

The soft sound of the instruments started to play in the background almost immediately, catching the audience by surprise. The first voice to speak is a feminine voice. Confusion erupted in the audience as none of the mouths on the stage looked as though they were moving.

That was until a certain figure walked onto the stage. Yunjin was dressed with a black corset above her black crop top that seemed to hug her curves well. Her skirt was adorned with golden trinkets and intricate patterns. On top of her clothing, she wore multiple accessories that matched the outfit significantly with her pastel-colored headband of flowers and a short warm white scarf around her neck.

Other voices joined in soon yet your attention laid still on one specific person, one you’re unable to tear your eyes away from. Even as people around you started to bump lightly into you from swaying to the music, your eyes refused to move from the spot they had settled on. Xiao and his pretty, pretty eyes.

His body moved along with the beats of the song, lips softly opening and closing as he sang with his members. Wearing a dark-colored jacket, his clothing is layered with another white button-up shirt underneath and if you looked very closely, you might just be able to see his abs - okay, enough. The point is, you’ve never appreciated someone as much as you did with the person who arranged Xiao’s outfit because the conclusion is that you had never seen anyone as majestic as Xiao and you didn’t believe you ever will for the rest of your life.

Even his navy slacks looked perfect while he danced to the choreography which you believed was carefully planned, anyone could tell even if they didn’t know anything about dancing. You’re not sure how he moved with those slightly heeled boots or shoes, you don’t know and you don’t care. The question is how he moved so smoothly even with those heavy shoes that you knew you would fall and trip on if you wore them?

When your eyes returned to his golden ones, you noticed the pupils shooting in all directions, searching the VIPS, the front, the reserved, the platinum, the platinum plus - you get the point.

You doubted he would be able to spot you in this… what? Fifty thousand hoards of people? That’s an estimate but it was way too crowded and even though your spot wasn’t too far from the stage, he wouldn’t be able to possibly find you like this, right?

Yea, wrong. Because as soon as your thought process ended, the flash of golden eyes seemed to glance across your own and stopped for more than a second - before seemingly relaxing and tearing his gaze away. Though it was just a moment, everything had started to drown out in the background, going quiet before all you can think about is - Xiao, Xiao, Xiao.

After snapping out of your thoughts, one thing you can confirm after listening to the lyrics and melody was that it was indeed a rather solemn story that had been turned into a song. It matched the description that Hutao told you about. The need to comfort Xiao clawed at the back of your throat. You’d have to hold it back until the concert ended. Wait, what?

No, the plan was to watch and leave. But… ahaha.

The concert seemed to pass like a blur in your memories, your lack of focus only helped in not being aware of your surroundings because - oops, you just bumped into some crazily tall dude with hair longer than half of your body? Those odd professional clothing made him look wild but weirdly cool, but to be real, why did he choose them out of everything to wear to a concert? Multiple layers of different shades of brown and a mix of white or gray in this humid and stifling atmosphere.

He seemed more shocked than you it seems, but you’re sure it’s not your clothes because he was looking straight at your face, not your outfit. The brown-haired ponytailed man opened his mouth to speak to you, which is odd because you didn’t know this man, did you?

“Is your name, [name], by any chance? Which, of course, if it’s not, you’re free to say so.”

Okay. Definitely a stalker or something, run.

In contrast to your light-speed thoughts, your body stood still in its spot, not making any attempt to move. Then, against your better judgment, you muttered, “Yea, who are you?”, accompanied by a raise of your brow and a step back.

At your response, his lips seemed to quirk up, a ghost of a heartwarming smile on his face as he reached a hand out to you.

“I go by Zhongli, may I have a moment with you, [name]?”

On the other hand, the concert had just ended. The fatigue and a thirst for water washed over Xiao quickly as he rushed to grab a bottle before trying to slip away to find… someone.

However, a deep voice reached his ears, “Xiao! Don’t go yet, wait for a while!”

God he wished he could just turn around and punch the smiling ginger head waving at him from across the backstage, he had had enough of Childe and him intervening. A sign came from Xiao before he turned back to Childe, mind racing for an excuse so that he can leave him behind and slip away to find you. Just as Xiao’s lips parted, Childe had taken the initiative.

“Before you say anything, I know where you’re going, who you’re planning to find, what you’re going to do.”

That shut Xiao up even if it wasn’t like Xiao was a particularly talkative person. His brow twitched at the knowledge the older male had, annoyance dripping from his tone as he spoke.

“Okay? Bye then.”

Xiao turned away to walk towards the decreasing crowd, grieving the time that he lost spent with Childe. At his actions, the ginger sighed, long and exasperated. Not having the energy to physically deal with Xiao, he decided to use his words, “Zhongli said he told her to go to the place, that place. You know what I’m talking about.”

Pause.

“Are you fucking with me right now?”

Xiao believed wholeheartedly he had never felt emotions on this level. Hell, he never really felt any more than annoyance like this. Xiao thinks you’ve been changing him. Little by little, piece by piece, he’ll become an ordinary person going about with his day. Just like how they would’ve wanted.

Shaking away his thoughts, he took small steps towards the area informed by Childe just a moment ago and a while ago through dms when he asked Childe for vacant places with a magnificent view. He didn’t know whether he wanted to run there, reach out for you and just stare at you for a good while or walk slow, slow steps, so that his hopes didn’t get crushed by the possibility that you didn’t listen to Zhongli.

The grass tickled the black shoes that he changed to after the concert due to the initial pair of boots literally being impossible to walk with. The wind is gentle, the view is just as he had described to Childe, ethereal. But, maybe not more than you.

Liyue as a whole could be seen from this spot in the mountains, the warm yellow lights from lanterns illuminating the dark sky and the city, the city he never thought could look this breathtaking. Shivers went down his spine as he continued to look around. The night looked especially pretty tonight.

Just as he thought he wouldn’t be able to find anything prettier on this extraordinary night, an almost silent sound of rustling nearby. When he looked up, sweet amber eyes met your wide ones. An expression of relief fell on his face as his eyes scanned you. Then, he concluded that maybe, he had a special view specifically meant for him. You looked divine.

Wait. What? You guys were friends, he shouldn’t have such thoughts. Do friends think of each other this way? Ugh, his head is spinning.

After a moment, you reached your hand out to gesture at him to take a seat beside you on the green grass. He hesitantly took his spot beside yours, shuffling to make himself comfortable as he admired the view.

Silence took over soon after, both too hesitant and unknowing of what to say, and what not to say. But then again, with this view, on this night, on the top of this little hill, it felt right. It felt right that he knew he couldn’t mess up, this could be an ultimate moment for the two of you. A memory to make.

“[Name], you listened to the song I sang earlier.”

Confusion was etched on your face as you turned your head to face the dark-haired man, blinking rapidly at him before responding with a small nod.

“I wrote it. About the people who were- are special to me.” It’s hard opening up to people. He cringed at the mistake he made with that sentence. Although, he couldn’t really call it a mistake, could he?

“I lived in an orphanage once, along with four other kids who were older than me. That time I was like how I am now, quiet, but they got me to open up in a short time.” Xiao’s slender fingers curled up against the grass, looking solemn as he continued. “Especially the oldest one there, Bosacius.”

Your heart warmed up at his words, brushing your knuckles against his curled-up hand in an attempt to bring comfort to him. You had not heard about his life before, and it hurt to know that he went through hard times. You tilted your head to the side a little, an invitation for him to continue.

He cleared his throat before gazing back at the lanterns slowly rising to reach out to the sky, “They were everything to me, my family. Along with Zhongli, who was the one that helped fund us and visited us a lot. Madame Ping, too. She was our caretaker. Apparently, Zhongli was friends with her, I learned that later on.”

Xiao breathed a long breath before continuing with his talking. You were happy to get to know his found family, but he looked sorrowful as he talked. Maybe something bad happened between them?

“It was the best of times, but good things never last.” This time, his words were muttered, and quieter, as if he was trying to stop himself from speaking.

“Our house. It got caught on fire.” Xiao took a big breath before concluding, “They, uhm, didn’t make it out. Was it some electrical fault? I didn’t bother to remember. I was too shocked to think.” Your eyes widened, you didn’t expect him to drop a bomb on you like that. You couldn’t muster up a reply to something like that. So instead of a verbal response, you hesitantly uncurled his fisted fingers and laced yours through them, stroking his skin with your palm.

Xiao took your physical touch as a sign of showing your condolences without pitying him. His heart warmed at the thought, heart beating a little faster. “Bosacius carried me from our bedroom to the hallway with the entrance. He was trying to do the same for others, too. But it didn’t work out quite well.” The last words were whispered, his head hunched down to his knees.

You tightened your grip on your laced fingers, bumping his shoulder with yours as you finally mustered up something to say to Xiao - for the first time today. “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry that happened to you.” Tone softening to accommodate the solemn atmosphere and an attempt to say something meaningful to him after he opened up to you. That explains the song, too.

Unexpectedly, Xiao turned to you with a refreshed look on his face, as he - out of nowhere - asked, “Did you enjoy the concert?” Like a lost puppy, his eyes stared into your shocked ones. After a few moments of silence, you decided on the best answer you can come up with.

“Yeah, you were awesome.” From bumping your shoulders to leaning your head slightly on his shoulder, sure it's a big leap. But, you didn’t receive any sort of rejection from the male beside you. On the other hand, his heart rate told you a different story. His usually steady heart rate had turned more erratic, you couldn't blame him either when your own matched his unsteady beats.

"That PAIMON tweet is an exaggeration." Xiao muttered into the silence of the air. At those unexpected words, you laughed wholly, as if you couldn't guess that already. But oh well, his reassurance did sound nice. Xiao was in his own little world, his thoughts consisted of how nice and soothing the sound of your sweet laughter was. A small smile bloomed onto his pretty face, watching you smile back at him with a grin.

A night has never felt more meaningful than it did now, with your head on his shoulder and a cute smile on your face directed at him, Xiao wouldn't have it any other way. And if there's one thing Xiao concluded from today, it was that he was in love with a certain gremlin.

"Oh! Here, I almost forgot." Golden eyes blinked at the crocheted hyacinthus between your fingers, glancing between the flowers and you. Exasperated at his obliviousness, you gestured for him to take them, quirking up a brow.

He suddenly seemed flustered as he shyly took the flowers from your hand, mumbling a "Thank you…?"

A sudden urge to make him more flustered crossed your mind.

"You should search up the meaning of hyacinthus later, by the way."

Xiao gulped before nodding his head slightly, looking back up at the now empty sky. He seemed to only realize now how much time has actually passed.

"Oh, shall we leave?" You mumbled, bringing up your phone from your pocket before looking at the time and collecting your things laying around on the grass. Xiao stood up before you, standing in front of you as he sheepishly reached out his hand to you - for what? The third time today?

You shook your head lightly, laughing slightly before placing your hand on his open ones as he lifted you up.

"What a gentleman."

heaven on earth - 41. one step closer

previous | masterlist | next

synopsis ; 🗝️ — in which you befriend your next door neighbour who, unbeknownst to you, was apart of a soon-to-be one of the most popular bands throughout liyue. you're unable to tell if cupid was helping you or not when things with xiao kept going up and down. will he continue to keep his secret from yours truly?

NOTE — new chapter will be out soon bcs no more written portion for a while (ive said this like 4 times and they never go as planned 🤗🤗) !!@!@! yipee. anyways since he realized his shit its easy here on out 😝😝 rikkyu is not [name] btw her user is just that bcs i got too lazy to give her a proper one mb

TAGLIST#1 [OPEN] — @mikctp @ghostlysyntaxed @kazemiya @nnasv @gojoandelsalovechilde @candy-purple-cyanide @kissingkzuha @zyilas @lunaavity @luminescent-light @mave-in @rizakari @riikyu @kokoscutie @starsxnight @sketcheeee @softlie @izakyun @xiaxilia @the-sweet-madame @rifran @milkwithspiceyicecubes @coffeethoughtsandanxiety @rxkan7 @goodthingimsam @pomeiu @fogturtle @farelady-fate @tzu-scara143 @wonderful-worlds @cianalikesbeans @h3xi2g0n3 @jasxiao2317 @rosaryia

(ask to be added)

[d1edre]

how do you make the placing of everything and all the stickers so perfect in your lockers please teach me 😭

YESSS i will try to teach you, i love talking about this !!

i will explain my usual process, some little tricks i use, as well as show some examples :3

the first thing i do when i set out to make a locker is drop objects that fit the theme or color scheme on the empty space on the left. this way i can see a good overview of things i could fit in the locker and think about where i might place things

i do the same thing for stickers, i just scroll through my list of stickers and place ones i like on the door without worrying about the placement yet.

once everything is laid out i start to mess around with placement. i tend to put the biggest or most important items in first so i can make sure they fit.

i like to make the objects line up with each other, but if i can't find something to fill in the gaps i put stickers behind it so the gap is less noticeable. this is without the background stickers ↓

and this is with ↓

see how it makes the inside feel more full and neat!! :3

here's another example where you can see that there's not a lot of items in the locker, but because of the stickers it still feels nicely filled.

figuring out how to place my stickers on the doors is usually the hardest part. i work with layering things on top of each other and mess around with placement. simple compositions (symmetric, asymmetric, pyramid, diagonal, etc) can really make your locker stand out. i recommend buying many doubles of stickers so you can do things like this:

if you're feeling creative you can also make little drawings or scenes which is really fun !!

here's a bunch of close-ups of lockers i really like that might inspire you as well

some other notable tips that you might not know of:

objects with a part that is very thin can sometimes be hung on the railing of the clothes shelf. (keychains, backpacks, but also headgear like glasses, headphones and headbands)

you can get two of the same shirt if they have a masculine and feminine variation. drop a shirt in your locker, change your avatars body type and then go back in the editor to add the other variation

each brand has their own unique shoe box design, a lot of them look really cool and they're a really nice item to fill up space with

hope this helps !! go forth and have fun making awesome lockers

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Words Of Prey {Daniela Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU} Pt. 3

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for general themes Warnings: None AU Description: People have the first words their soulmate will say to them written on their wrist/forearm. Most people chose a specific quote (referred to as their “soul phrase”) that they use every time they meet somebody new. Summary: After a sleepless night, you meet up with your soulmate, surprised to see a side of her that you have never seen before. A side that you can't help but want to get to know better... Previous Chapters: Pt. 1: Of All Your Dreams, Pt. 2: The Dreaded Dawn

Chapter 3: Second Chance

All around you, slow and steady breathing forms lulling waves of white noise, but slumber evades you all the same. Only a couple hours separated you and your roommates from the start of the night shift. Another day, another grueling workload, overwhelming yet tedious… or at least, that was what awaited your peers. As for your own fate, that was an ordeal of its own, unknown, a dark veil obscuring your future. How could you sleep when you had no plan for how to face the coming day?

Fleeting moments of rest had come to you earlier, restless slumber with strange dreams, bright visions laid over jazzy humming. It was the same tune you had heard from Daniela last night, the nature of its familiarity still eluding you. Somehow it turns into something comforting. Even now, as you once more lie awake, the melody drifts through your mind. You get so absorbed in the soft swing that you don’t notice the maidens from the day shift shuffling in- at least not until one of them is kneeling by the side of your bed, face obscured by shadow.

They clear their throat, as loud as they dare, one hand gently nudging your shoulder. When you start to sit up, they seem startled enough that you pause halfway. A nervous energy radiates from the shakiness of their silhouette, infectious, and you’re relieved when they hand you a note and shuffle off, glancing around as they go. Curiosity overwhelms, your mind eager to displace your earlier pondering and abandon the pursuit of sleep altogether.

Still, you wait another minute for the stranger’s sake, lying in the dark with the note held close to your chest. Ever so faintly the scent of vellum and cinnamon tickles your senses. Ah, you think, recognizing the smell that often accompanies Lady Daniela, I guessed as much. Who else would send you such a thing? Once you are certain the other maiden has moved on, and that no one is paying you any mind, you quietly make your way to the shared lounge.

A few square tables occupy the center of the room, with a larger rectangular one placed up against a window on one side, an assortment of shelves and dressers filling empty space along the walls. Overhead is a chandelier, relatively simple in comparison to any of those in the main sections of the castle. On the wall opposite from the window hangs a large portrait of a noblewoman, who you’ve always assumed to be a much younger Lady Dimitrescu, beautifully painted yet unsettling in nature. Always watching over those within her domain.

One of the tables is currently taken, two of the day shift workers chatting quietly over bread and cheese. The older of the two acknowledges you with a nod, but otherwise pays you no mind, which is what you expected. Despite living in close quarters, you didn’t really know either of them. At best you could say you were pretty sure they worked in the kitchen (a guess based entirely on the flour dusting their uniforms). In this case, the lack of familiarity worked in your favor, as the duo huddle a little closer to keep their conversation private, allowing you to check the note without any unwanted attention.

Unfolding the parchment, you find two things: dried flower petals, specifically from blue and yellow orchids, and a message in surprisingly neat handwriting. You’re not sure if Daniela’s cursive is normally this legible, or if she put in extra effort for your sake. Meet me before your shift starts, in the western hall. Love, your darling soulmate. Anxiety stirs within your chest once more, although you know there is no point in delaying the inevitable. With oddly steady heads, you refold the note, tuck it in your pocket, and head to change into your work uniform…

-----

Ten minutes later, including two minutes of giving a bareboned explanation for your departure to the ever-vigilant head maid, you’re carefully slinking down the winding halls of the castle. Every stray sound gives you a moment of pause, making you wonder if the other ladies of the house are already awake. It’s not unusual for them to stretch beyond their mostly nocturnal habits. What is odd is the relief you feel when you finally turn the last corner and find Daniela.

She’s at a window, watching something outside with a forlorn expression, so focused that she doesn’t immediately hear you approaching. By this hour all but the last rays of light have faded from the sky, and only a sliver of moonlight is reflected in her mismatched eyes. There’s no denying her beauty at this moment. Like a painting personified, a masterpiece come to life, urging your heart to look for the meaning in the layers of her existence. Certainly there’s a story behind the scars along the shaved side of her head, a story in the rose on her forehead… but more importantly, there is a story behind the tiny breath she lets out when she finally sees you. Air gives way to a hum, her lips curling into a tired smile, and she gestures for you to come closer.

“You came,” she says, almost giddy, her joy not quite covering up the relief in her voice. Despite all of your anxiety regarding this meeting, never once had you considered that Daniela might also be worried. For all her bravado, her charm and her flirtation, there is still a young woman with her heart cradled in her hands. Even now, she does not offer it to you. No, you merely catch a glimpse of it, as she steps closer, hesitating only once you’re close enough to touch. Something in her expression is startlingly human. The relief, the exhaustion, her usual energy giving way to a gentle hopefulness. “Did you rest well, my dear?”

“I can’t say I did,” you reply, softly. Another hum from Daniela, this time a short note of sympathy, and she reaches to take your hand in her own. A lump forms in your throat as you bear witness to the compassion in her gaze. It’s hard to believe this is the same woman you’ve seen shedding blood and tossing people around; between the change in her demeanor and your own tiredness, you find yourself temporarily setting aside your grievances. Swallowing hard, you feel compelled to admit the second half of your restlessness. “When I did sleep, I… I dreamed of you. There was simply too much anxiety underneath to stay asleep.”

“Mmm, I am glad I was in your mind, even if not in your bed,” Daniela chimes, thumb brushing over the back of your hand, subconsciously leaning closer to you. Again, the scent of her perfume washes over you, only this time you detect the metallic undercurrents of blood. It floods your nostrils, strangely intoxicating, your body instinctively shifting to align yourself with her. A grin comes to life on her face as she notices your movements. “I know that I didn’t make the best first impression, but I’m glad to see you’re finding room for me in your heart, and I promise that things will only get better from here.”

With that, she closes the last iota of distance between the two of you, and you brace for another awkward kiss. Instead, Daniela holds you. Tucks your head in against the crook of her neck, resting her chin alongside your ear (no doubt lamenting the fact that she isn’t quite tall enough to rest it on the top of your head), her arms wrapping around you loosely. The moment lingers. Covers you, a welcome blanket of comfort after an almost sleepless night.

You almost start humming her song, but she speaks up, her voice a sweeter melody than the one in your brain.

“I’m not sure what to tell my family, if we should tell them at all,” she murmurs, the slight lilt to her voice detracting from the discomfort of her words. Regardless, your body tenses up, and Daniela is quick to elaborate in her own defense. “The timing- the damn timing- may have them doubting our soul bond. To think that I would meet my soulmate the same night that my sisters mocked me for such concepts…” Bitterness seeps into her tone, and her grip on you becomes protective, as if she is already preparing to defend you from the ire and suspicions of her family.

“They may find it easier to believe when they see the words on my wrist, for better or worse,” you say, unsure whether your statement will bring comfort or heartache. Even Daniela pauses, considering, thoughtfulness eventually giving way to a slight pout. One arm uncurls from around your waist, her hand moving to trace the cursed sentence on your skin. I need a distraction, and you’ll do just fine. The sound of those words will live forever in your brain. So too, however, will the way Daniela’s voice cracked when she realized you’re her soulmate.

“You deserved better,” she whispers, her voice reduced to a terribly fragile thing. Although she refers to you, there is an underlying depth to her words, the acknowledgement that somewhere along the line, she deserved better, too. From her family, from fate, from her own hands. Soft words form in your throat, a warmth bubbling in your chest, but a faint sound has Daniela going rigid. “They’re awake. Go, hide in one of the nearby rooms, I’ll get you when it’s safe.”

Leaving no time to argue, she gives you a gentle nudge, her gaze locked on the opposite side of the hallway. Whatever she hears is too quiet to reach your ears, but you know better than to question her senses. Your earlier tension revived, you waste no time in absconding, sparing only one parting glance before ducking into a side room. The space is relatively small, its original purpose obscured by a layer of dust and scattered objects. Nowhere to hide if the ladies of the house realized your presence. And they would, wouldn’t they? Senses honed to seek out prey, to pinpoint fleeing maidens, able to taste your fear in the air. If you were lucky, they would be too focused on Daniela to bother terrorizing you.

“Hmmm, what’s this, sister? Do my eyes deceive me?” Cassandra chimes, somehow loud enough for you to hear through the door (and over the sound of your heart beating in your ears). Mirth soaks her tone, cruelties underlining the words, as if she can’t quite decide whether she’s still mad about yesterday. A laugh follows, the high lilting kind you can only assume comes from Bela.

“How strange. Our little sister is awake, bright and early, long before breakfast. Cassandra, what do you think has her skipping slumber?” Bela adds, equally as teasing, just enough of an edge to indicate intentional insult. It’s common knowledge that Daniela isn’t a morning person. Always coming late to the dining room, stifling a yawn as she does, oftentimes without changing out of her nightgown. But normally her siblings didn’t mind- more than once you had even seen them making sure her favorite dishes were still available by the time she arrived. For Bela to use this as a point of contention… the argument must have bothered her much more than you would have expected.

Unfortunately, Daniela’s attempts at defending herself are quickly cut off.

“Ooooh, I bet she’s doing what the Maidens call a walk of shame, coming back from yet another dalliance with some unlucky girl,” Cassandra says, losing more and more of the humor from her voice. Evidently, she was incredibly upset about getting thrown at the wall yesterday. Or perhaps things had only gotten worse once they moved to their mother’s office?... Regardless, this is the first time you’ve witnessed the sisters have an extended spat. “Do you think she made them pretend to be her soulmate? Made them say her special words, maybe took a knife to carve away the wrong ones on their wrist, or-”

“Cassandra,” Bela warns, still about ten seconds later than she’d normally step in. When she continues, none of her earlier teasing remains, replaced in its entirety by gentle disappointment. “That’s enough, you know that Daniela is… sensitive about these things. Now come along, we can leave her to sulk in peace.” There are several seconds of tense silence, wherein you can only imagine the two are communicating through facial expressions, before Cassandra huffs, and you hear two pairs of footsteps leading away.

Technically, Daniela had asked you not to come out of hiding until she came for you. Technically, you were still scared that her sisters might be close. But something about their behavior had irked you to the point of action; there was a haunting familiarity in the way that they dismissed her. The melody of sympathy in your chest struck several chords as you exit your hiding place, peeking out slowly, eyes catching sight of Daniela sitting on the floor, on the verge of tears. Both of her hands fiddle with themselves, flexing and unflexing to the rhythm of her distress. When she sees you, panic lights up her eyes, and she’s quick to mouth a warning, not daring to say it out loud. They can still hear us. 

Perhaps that was why she was working so hard to avoid crying. If they heard her sobbing, her sisters would only feel like their claims had been proven. With a deep, shaky breath, you steady your nerves and approach Daniela with the intent to spite her sisters. Slowly, you kneel in front of her, offering a hand for her to take. Then you silently voice the start of your plan: Say your words, your soul phrase. Her eyes widen, hesitation heavy in her heart, searching your face and measuring your confidence. When she sees the strength of your resolve, she gives in.

“I,” she starts, voice shaky, so much softer than it had been when she first spoke to you, “I need a- a distraction, and you’ll do just fine.” This time there’s an upswing at the end, an aching heart giving way to hope. She sounds even more desperate than she had yesterday, yet the feeling at the core of her speech feels different, in a way that you had never imagined. All those years you spent damning your soulmate, never once imagining a way for her phrase to be positive.

And now you know there has always been a kinder alternative. It’s no act when a soft exhale passes your stunned lips, nor when your hand moves to caress her cheek. Nothing could instantly undo the years of contempt and cynicism, of course, but this felt like a step towards neutral ground.

“Of all my dreams, this is the one that comes true,” you breathe, pouring your heart into the words, compiling every bit of missed opportunities into the soul phrase. The hushed words are nigh reverent. Filled with the promise that you will be softer than those that came before. Daniela’s reaction isn’t quite instantaneous, and you do not know if she is acting for the sake of her sisters, or if she is stunned by this display. It matters not- either way she cups your face in her hands, a sharp inhale transforming into airy giggles, her forehead leaning against your own.

She spares a single glance away from you, a sudden head tilt letting you know that a sound has caught her attention. But her focus is back on you in an instant, her smile even brighter than before, and you feel certain that her sisters have heard your exchange. It will be much harder for them to make fun of her romantic fantasies now that one of hers has come true. You’re not entirely sure why this matters so much to you, nor why your face feels so flush at Daniela’s closeness, all you know is that this feels like a victory. With matching grins, the two of you rise to meet the day with renewed energy.

“Come, my soulmate,” you start to say, only half playing it up for your hidden audience, “let me take care of you.”

[goldenheartstudios]

Why is Rai your favourite? :D

  That’s an excellent question my dear anon and I can answer this in a rant of itself!

  Ok first of all, this all started because I watched the show when I was a kid and it really influenced my taste of media on a deep level. The combination between western and eastern culture is like, the ideal content for me and many of the things I enjoy are this because of my adoration for the show and it’s vibes

  And this is one of the reasons why Xiaolin Showdown is my favorite cartoon, because it reshaped my interests at a very young age and I genuinely think I would be a different person if I didn’t watch it

  And this thing applies to my favorite character as well, aka Raimundo. Many of my favorite characters have something that remind me of him in one way or another, and Rai’s characteristics are something that I find myself gravitating towards more often, all because of Rai being my favorite character

  But how did he become my favorite in the first place? Well, I will start with his introduction

  In the first episode, we see him simply described as someone who likes to mess with others and is not fond on being told what to do because he likes to chill and have fun. For short, he’s a laid-back rebel

  At this moment, you don’t know much about the main characters, only the basics. So you can get an attachment to one of them later on, or be attracted to their concept because you like their personality

  And well, I didn’t have a special interest to Rai at that time, but I did like him because he was funny, simple as that

  The second episode shows more of him, where you get to see that he likes to make remarks on stuff and can actually be the voice of reason on occasion (example being him reminding Kimiko & Omi about Clay)

  But the third episode is when I started to get interested in him, when he betted on Kimiko’s favor for the showdown

  Because this not only serves as a subversion of expectations, it’s also tied so well with the previous episode

  Raimundo didn’t have any faith in Clay winning in the second episode, making it very clear by the way he was impatient and commented during the showdown. But at the end, he got proven wrong and congratulated Clay for the win

  And now with Kimiko’s showdown, where she shows signs of not having a chance of winning? He not only believes in her, he makes a bet where he’s confident on being proven right

  He learned, but in a way that it’s not shoved in your face, that it’s not commented on. It’s a neat portrayal on the show’s continuity, where there are subtle elements that tie the episodes together if you get the chance to see them in order

  The third episode shows how there’s something more to him, that he’s not just the standard troublemaker, which piques my interest on the boy

  And the more episodes I see, the more my fascination on him grows. He can be reckless but also wise, an idiot but also smart, an asshole but also considerate of others (just look at how many episodes he was shown to make fun of someone but then genuinely showed support for them afterwards-)

  Throughout the show he just keeps getting layers of characterization while he’s also going through his own character arc. You learn more things about him while at the same time you see him change and grow and it’s fascinating

  What’s even more interesting is that you see him changing without necessarily feeling it. Unlike other characters (like Omi for example), his personality doesn’t really change, but his level of maturity does, and you get to notice the difference once you compare him from the beginning to what he became at the end

  Which this makes it a delight for rewatch, because even if I rewatched the show at least four times, there are still things about him I just notice, because this boy is so full of layers you can mistake him for an onion

  Seriously, I once made a psychological analysis on him for college of 9 pages and I still could have written more about him

  And what’s crazier is the fact that there are still things we don’t know about him, like his family and childhood. Only thing we got are hints which can be interpreted however you like and that’s great, because it encourages creativity and you can go by personal interest!

  Personality wise, aside from liking everything about Rai for reasons stated above, there’s one core characteristic of him that contributes to my attachment: his kindness

  It’s unconditional, loud, but also quiet. It’s honest, simple, but also complex, buried in layers of emotions and fear of showing his vulnerabilities. And when it’s about the people he cares about, he can go to an extent of sacrificing his safety or even his life, but it’s not because he doesn’t see value in himself, it’s because he sees more value in others which makes it worth it for him

  This kindness in him is so so beautiful and it has so much potential for how dangerous it can be for him. Like, this kid is a goldmine for writing and analyzing, it’s insane-

  He’s one of the most developed and complex characters from the show and it’s proven by how he breaks the trope he followed at the beginning: if we were to put the main cast in the main tropes we see in teams, he would be the “lancer” because he serves as a contrast to Omi who’s the “leader” (as we follow his perspective and has the most common characteristics of the trope) and has the main characteristics many lancer-type characters have (Raphael and Knuckles being better-known examples)

  But here’s the thing

  He becomes the leader at the end

  Which brings a whole new perspective on his character

  Honestly, I could go on a whole different rant on its own about this incredible choice the show made to make Rai the leader at the end, but what I’m gonna say here is that despite following the trope of a lancer, Raimundo also has the characteristics of a leader that makes it harder for him to be categorized to only one trait if you want to describe him properly

  You can use characteristics like “laid-back prick” or “piece of shit with a heart of gold” to introduce him to other people, but if you were to describe him deeper, then you have to go on so many directions to do him justice, which for me it’s amazing

  And this, is why Rai is my favorite

[rutadales]

Do you not think cDream is the villain? Sorry this is not at all meant to be agressive or anything, I just have trouble understanding that interpretation. I’m genuinely interested in what you think bc I’m not as well versed in lore as many dsmp fans but from what I’ve seen, cDream is a pretty unequivocally bad person. I think few of the characters aren’t to be fair, but though cDream is more complex than the common interpretations, he doesnt necessarily seem to be morally better? Again, don’t mean to sound rude or anything!! Just kinda trying to understand :)

So this question kinda expands into several branching off points for me, but I'll try to keep it simple and break it down into sections as best I can. this is going to get long

So do I think c!Dream is a villain? Depends on what definition you're using first of all but also in what context, in which storyline, and from whose perspective you're consuming the story from. A strength of SMPs as storytelling devices is that the concrete plot and hard facts of the story are often pretty fluid; what happened when, who was there, who saw what, and who is a villain or a hero is all dependent on which stream you chose to tune into at the time. But as much as this is a strength, it's also a detriment. Entire character beats and motivations can be missed or obfuscated by simply not tuning into a creators stream. A big example of this is how many people missed the Staged Finale reveal, anyone who didn't watch Punz stream will still be operating under the belief that everything Dream did in the disc finale was his true nature, and not an act. Completely changes how to interpret those characters and the entire finale as a scene.

The nature of stream based storytelling is audiences are consuming completely different stories, simultaneously, and there's no hard copy of this story. It's not a book you can go pick up at Barnes and Noble or a movie you can stream on Netflix. To get caught up and engage with the fiction you either have to go back and rewatch hundreds of hours of live content (with dead space and parts that have been completely ret-conned), watch recaps edited by third parties who are at liberty to cut out anything they deem irrelevant to the story, or get it exclusively word of mouth by the audience. A character being more loved by the audience now means that character's narration is given higher value in contrast to other characters. Even supposedly non-biased sources, like the fan wiki, meant to lay out bare bone facts of the story are riddled with un-sourced fan interpretations of the media. Look here

Now, reading a characters unreliable narration as reliable isn't a failing as it is more just engaging with the media as intended. The intent of utilizing unreliable narrators is often to "trick" the audience or to showcase how that character sees the world. Its fine and is used is a lot of different mediums, I'm actually a huge fan. Love me some bitches who just lie. The thing is, due to everything I've laid out above, having a character who is unreliable, like c!Tommy often is, in this medium means fans who only consume the content via world of mouth are getting an unreliable narration without the context that its unreliable. This completely changes entire swaths of the fiction and more, to our point, who is the villain.

A really, kind of neat phenomena in the fandom is how fans bought into c!Wilbur's lies about L'manberg the same way the characters he was manipulating did. Fans became part of the narrative in a strange way. Which is actually a perfect example for how other characters shape the narrative around Dream, both within the fiction and within the fans trying to engage with it.

With that in mind, I don't even read the dsmp as a story with "villains" or "heros", its a story with a lot of different perspectives that clash with each other. Those terms don't really lend themselves to the kind of questions I'm asking about the story.

I think the question you're really asking is "Do you think c!Dream is a good person". You bring up being "unequivocally bad" and moral a couple different times, which to me flags as a question about fictional morality. Because the question of who is a villain in the dream smp is completely dependent on who you watch, which streams you've watched, and whosever narration you decided to subscribe to-- and is why I find the label villain in dsmp analysis fairly mute. It's kinda a pointless exercise to try and determine who earns that label and who doesn't. Not the kind of analysis I'm interested in.

But to answer the question I think you imply here, no I don't think c!Dream is a good person. I don't think anyone on the smp is. Maybe Michael? Well he tried to break into a prison for information, so by some moral standards, absolutely not! I'd certainly agree with you that Dream is more complex than common interpretation would lead us to believe, but that complexity does lend itself to morality in some cases.

Is Dream wrong to want to prevent his home from being split up into countries and thus filled with conflict? Is it worse to threaten, torment, and assault someone because you're pathologically obsessed with them or because you have a larger goal in mind and find those actions beneficial to the goal at hand?

To me, that's it's just pointless hole to get sucked into. I am personally uninterested in ideas of a character possessing or gaining moral purity and much more interested in characters learning to move on from the harm they've caused. C!Dream is interesting to me, not because he's a good person, but because hes a complex one. TL;DR: I am uninterested in using villain as a term within the context of dsmp and find the discussions of the moral goodness of characters reductive.

If you have any other questions feel free to shoot me an ask! I actually quite enjoy breaking down how I think about characters and media and am always open to (friendly) discussions on the matter. <3

[project-sekai-facts]

2nd year event?! I saw the announcement and am now very curious and excited, especially since this is happening before Mafuyu’s coming up. Have the 2nd years ever had an event about them? What are your thoughts about this group? I know you have some because I saw your tags 👀

Below cut

It's SO gonna be a WxS key story like no way out of it. Given that they're both lims that probably means that it's gonna have a lot of screentime for the boys (well, Rui is a given, it's his event), so there's no way they won't bring up the current WxS plot. Honestly making this a Rui event was an amazing idea because it connects so much with his arc with his fear of growing up and having to leave what he has now behind. And by the looks of the card he made new friends!! Which actually makes it all the more gut punching because he's never really had friends and he only gets a whopping one whole in-universe year with them now.

It's also really cool to see that the Miyajo girls are there. I reckon Shizuku (and Airi, but to a much lesser extent) will get like a mini version of STEP by STEP! with Mafuyu. Because think about it, if Shizuku and Airi leave formal education, that makes Mafuyu the only MC Miyajou 3rd year. I think it'll be really neat to see all the second years interact more because they've never been given much of a chance before outside of a few short scenes, and I think Rui and Mafuyu's dynamic in particular is really interesting. I don't know how much they'll interact in this event, if at all, but I'd like to see more there. Rui is very emotionally intelligent - so long as it doesn't apply to himself - and he's also very very observant, so although having him notice where Mafuyu's issues was unexpected, it wasn't necessarily surprising, and I'd like that to be followed up on even if it is arguably more effective as a passing encounter moment.

I'm guessing there'll be a sweet making and tea ceremony part, because those are the event teams and also Airi's favourite food/club so I think that would be a nice laid-back bonding moment from the 2nd years and who knows, if that does happen then maybe they'll ruin the 3 seconds of peace we get from by reminding us that Airi is moving to credit course and won't be doing clubs anymore.

I'm assuming they'll throw in the excuse for the two schools interacting is that they both happened to be on the same school trip at the exact same time.

Also, the event description. I have thoughts.

from @/pjsekai_eng on twitter

I'm guessing the reason Rui has little interest is because 1. aforementioned fear of getting growing up and moving on and doesn't want to face it, and 2. doesn't have many friends at school, let alone any in his class (it's outlined in KAMIKOU FESTIVAL! that he has never particularly been one for school events because everyone would push him away. We've had Cheerfes since then but you get my point). But it looks like maybe his classmates are actually more willing to be friends with him now?

And then the event name

same source as above

Hey look that sounds like a Wonderlands x Showtime inevitable disbandment reference. Atp I'm starting to think the reason I'm so invested in their current arc is because of how much it resembles a Love Live plot (mod makes shameless LL reference #3 billion what else is new?). Enjoying your youth while you can because there's so much fun stuff you can do and you're surrounded by people and it truly is an experience that you won't be able to quite match later on. It's simple but incredibly effective and emotionally driven. Especially since the age high school is in Japan really is like that bridging period between childhood and adulthood. And linking this to Rui and Tsukasa's event cards specifically...

They seem to have tied the folklore theme with a school uniform theme. And I'm going to pick this apart because I'm already 643 words in so why stop now? I feel bad for excluding Shizuku from this but we've never had too much on her school-related past. The most we got was Draw Your Bow In This White World which was only set 1 year pre-canon so not counting it.

Anyway. I've seen several people point out on Twitter that Rui's limited hair is the same hairstyle that he had as a child. That stuck out to me because we know from flashbacks that that was when people started to steer clear of him at school and he lost a lot of friends, and I wonder if that's going to be brought up in the event, especially since it seems that he's going to be making new friends.

In a similar vein, Tsukasa. I'm sure most people noticed that he's basically wearing his middle school uniform except with glasses. Like Rui's lim linking to when he was most lonely, Tsukasa's does as well. It's established in On the stage of dazzling light that he was pretty lonely during middle school because it was when Saki got moved to a hospital out of the prefecture.

I don't know if this was intentional because Shizuku's doesn't visibly follow that theme, but prsk does like some good symbolism and lim sets quite often have one that sticks out from the others for whatever reason. If it wasn't intentional then good on them for somehow doing this. But it does make a lot of sense, y'know? Cherishing the high school memories because the ones before now were a bit shit?

1 2 (heh)

Being frank I don't entirely know how Japanese school trips work but judging by the card it looks like Rui and Tsukasa got put in a group together? I hope their friendship gets some depth and development added to it with this event because they actually have an interesting dynamic underneath the Oddball 1-2 comic relief that has a lot of underutilised potential. Like what I said in those screenshots - Rui wants to know more about the SEKAI, but since it's entirely derived from Tsukasa's psyche, it means he has to get to know Tsukasa better, and they still aren't on much of a more personal level of friendship almost 3 years after that card story. The fact that both of their lims seem to reference the points when they were most lonely... I think that could be a good starting point for them to bond over. Obviously the circumstances were completely different and Rui was driven into depression by it, but what I'm saying is that it's a start.

Also like the very intentional parallels between Rui and Mizuki and their loneliness and their connection with the rooftop Wonderlands x Showtime main story chapter 5 My Footprints, Your Destination chapter 8 Tsukasa and Ena and the personal impact they had on those two respectively something or other and the fact that one side of that parallel has surprisingly little depth to their relationship idk

Oh and this part from the very end of A Canary Sings In A Quagmire. Though they might stall on it for a bit longer since it's a plot thread that was only just introduced. I reckon if it does get brought up it will just be in internal monologue or Rui just mentioning the concept in passing or being vague about it rather than actually addressing it (Emu and Nene aren't here and I think they will probably be around when it gets fully unpacked). If they do decide to face it directly then I wouldn't mind but it seems too soon to me.

Finally, I reckon we might get some more Shizuku and Tsukasa interactions. It's kind of guaranteed to be fair but you never know. Their dynamic isn't hugely deep or anything but it doesn't need to be, like they only know each other because their sisters were friends. Anyway I don't really mind if all they do in the event is talk about their sisters and what they've been up to themselves - it's pretty cute.

I'll be reading the event in my lunch break tomorrow so long as it is on sekai.best by then, so if anyone wants to ask me more about it then feel free. Watch literally none of what I just wrote happen in the event.

If I said that almost all of the 2nd years are in my top 10 would that justify the word vomit?

[crimsonlyinglilly]

Day 30: blindfolded / obsession / gift

Day 30 for @augustofwhump.

Life has decided to be hectic but I'm so close to the end, so we're going to free style it on the order and post them as soon as their ready.

Day 29 comes tomorrow hopefully.

Back to Caged Founder, but not for the last time this month.

follows on sometime after resigned obedience

Tristan has a gift that forces Elijah to think of his place.

----

Elijah had been enjoying a peaceful if boring evening in his office until a presents had slipped in and settled behind his chair.

“What are you working on now?” Tristan asked as he leaned over his shoulder, he had been watching Elijah write for several moments now but he seemed to reach his patience end.

“Food banks.” Elijah answered without looking up he wanted to finish his newest proposal before giving Tristan the attention he desired, he was still annoyed by Tristan and Aya taking over his plans for Mystic Falls.

Really?” Tristan snorted.

“Yes.” he replied curtly as he reached his conclusion of his piece, “some of us remember growing up hungry; we can't all have servants.”

“I hunted.” Tristan huffed. “Besides with your father, Finn, you and your younger brothers’ you can’t have gone hungry much.”

“Father’s rules, from the moment he started taking us hunting we only ate what we took part in catching.” he explained, during the summer only, in the winter they had shared what they had collected but father had never had an issue with reducing their share if they had disappointed him.

“He started that for your brother.” Tristan mused likely meaning Niklaus, normally he wouldn’t have been wrong most of Father’s stricter rules had been started to spite Klaus but not this one.

“Me actually,” Elijah confessed as he placed the pen down, he had hesitated twice in front of father, not wanting to kill the deer in his sight, the bruised father had dealt him took weeks to fade. He had learned to stop hesitating when Father started using the same rules for Niklaus and Kol, Elijah was always the better aim and he couldn’t face letting his little brothers go hungry.

“So what can you do for you this evening, My dear lord Martel?” he asked, twisting enough to see as Tristan failed to hide his reaction at the address, his open smile widened into a true smirk at the sight and the annoyed-embarrassed glare Tristan sent him as he noticed.

“Close your eyes." He's told a moment before one of Tristan’s hands covered his eyes for him, he sighed and allowed Tristan to do as he wanted, apparently just to lift the hand he had been writing with and slip a ring onto his index finger.

After a few seconds of darkness the hand was removed to allow him to see.

“What is this?” he asked, flexing his hand, the ring looked simple enough, nice but not the over ostentatious Tristan usually gifted him and Aurora, Aurora liked the style Elijah preferred the simpler kind which this was.

A neat dark silver band with some kind of inlay, and an enchantment lain on it was well. 

“White oak ash set in viking steel.”

“What?” he choked wordless at the implications, Tristan would use something as rare as white oak ash, one of the few things able to harm him or his siblings. 

“It’s protection.” Tristan explained, “as long as you wear that the daggers are just that, daggers, no more threat to you than a normal one.”

“Why?” he questioned in clear disbelief.

“Even if you leave me I have no desire to see you laid low by your brother.”

“I could run to him and no longer fear being daggered, you're giving me an escape.” he explained in confusion this- this was out of character, Tristan was possessive and controlling, he'd never-

Tristan’s claims of wanting them to be equal repeated themselves in Elijah's head, for once he wasn't able to shake them off as easily, proclamations of desire and ideas of love were just words, easy lies.

This was solid evidence.

This was beyond the obsession he had cultivated to grow to ensure his own ease of life.

“You’d still need to find a way to take it but yes. It’s no longer a choice between a prison here and a box there.” Tristan echoed what Elijah had once voiced in one of his darkest moments, lost in despair and searching for a way to the emptiness of it. 

Before Tristan had started pulling him from the cell to spend days in the centre of the closest city, wasting his time simply sitting with Elijah as he watched the humans live their lives. Reminding him time moved on around him, that the world still continued and he was a part of it.

“It’s a choice between us, the strix and all the good you can do here and him, managing his temper.” Tristan added with a smirk when Elijah was quiet for too long.

Yes, he had noticed that, he frowned at the smug face, because even if he calmed Klaus and explained to him he hadn’t betrayed him, he would be stuck with him, still helpless against anyone from his sire line and without the power and resources of the Strix to continue his projects, like the food banks.

Even Tristan’s romantic gestures were a move in a chess game, Elijah pulled Tristan’s tie, Tristan allowed it as he followed before it could force him.

It wasn’t like Elijah couldn't also play like that.

[eldritch-elrics]

silent hill 2 remake continues to delight me. even more so, now that maria is here :D

i enjoyed blue creek apartments quite a lot. it seems like the remake has taken the opportunity to completely rethink what once were fairly simple puzzles in the original - things like the clock puzzle feel very intentionally designed. the souls-like nature of the level design shines through in this dungeon especially - finding each clock hand requires you to go out in one direction and then circle back to the save point by opening shortcuts, which i liked. i did not like dying a handful of times and losing quite a bit of progress... but i think that is mostly a problem with me no longer playing on emulator, lol.

speaking of the puzzles... i noticed that it's now pretty explicit about what objects you should be looking for:

i don't think i like this decision. the remake's new interact button already makes explicit what objects are important, and i think that one of the fun things about silent hill as a series is picking up random shit and going "now how is this going to be useful..." without knowing beforehand what you're looking for.

let's see, more blue creek notes. the expanded moth room was great! i liked the big moths! also, they added a few new shots to the angela mirror cutscene that i thought were quite cool. i don't thiiink they changed that cutscene much? angela's voice actor is good, though.

also.... toilet!!!!! plus the original "stick hand in strange hole" bit! wow, they upped the amount of weird places for james to put his hand in the remake. i love that the toilet is no longer optional.

look at him. he's having a great time.

and finally: pyramid head!! i was glad to have more space to do the fight this time hehe. honestly, even more than the fight, i loved the huge knife-gashes that appear in the floor at a certain point... even though i knew what was coming, that was such a great way to create a sense of dread. (also, the mannequins near the clock room that move closer and closer to you...)

i liked seeing this staircase in hd also. that was just a neat touch. (in general, all the glitchy memory-moments are very fun... a great sort of easter egg!)

speaking of pyramid head, i noticed that if you try and reload the autosave before his bossfight, it's listed as "red pyramid thing"! even though james doesn't say that line in this version :|

anyway... most importantly.... MARIA 💖💖💖

i haven't even seen much of her but i already have so many things to say! james seems more scared(?) than fascinated by maria in the remake; he has a definite Repressed Energy here. (the way he delivers the line "can't you just tell me where it is?" kills me, oh man, he's so breathless...) maria also seems more like a normal person...? she still has a playful and slightly weird energy, but it's way toned down & laid back compared to the "suspicious seductress" vibes of the original. i'm a lil sad about that tbh; i love how in the original she's coming onto james really hard. she's also more teasing/presumptuous in the og - i miss her line where she's like "oh so the hotel was your special place? i'm sure it was ;)" like that's so obnoxious... though i am glad maria keeps her flirtiness, even if it's a bit more subtle.

funny how maria rather than james is the one to think of the hotel as the second "special place"? maria's just kind of like "oh yeah i'll take you there, it's not far." i do like how this sets maria up as a sort of authority rather than a passive "following james around" figure, AND i really like how it foreshadows james's memory issues (to put it mildly), BUT in terms of the overall plot of the game i think it loses something significant by not immediately naming the hotel as the other potential destination. now, i'm only as far as jack's inn so it's possible that maria could say something at any time that will invalidate this entire thread of commentary, but i think something that makes the original sh2 feel so tight plot-wise is that for the entire game, you're always heading towards one of two destinations: the park, or the hotel. not having james immediately knowing that he needs to go to the hotel makes him feel less driven - makes it feel like the plot has gotten away from him a bit. unless... this is intentional? giving that power to maria is definitely interesting... it's a whole new way of making her a little suspicious! like maybe she's untrustworthy, but james has to trust her now!

also extremely fun to see the small changes surrounding maria's line where she's convincing james to let her come along. in the og, "i look like mary... you loved her, right?" seems deliberately provocative: she's giving him a reason to accept her. whereas in the remake, the one extra line ("is it because i remind you of her?") recontextualizes everything. here, maria seems more empathetic: she recognizes that her similarity to mary is a reason for james to hesitate, but she still spins it into a reason for james to care about her ("you loved her, didn't you. ...didn't you?") as another note, i like that second "didn't you?" a lot more as a sudden moment of doubt than the original line ("or maybe you hated her!"). the og one speaks more to maria's obnoxious/provocative streak that i enjoy, but i think the remake line, because it's less ridiculous/out of nowhere, works a lot better to subtly cast doubt on james's relationship with mary.

also this made me rewatch the original "meeting maria" scene and i have to note that i love the way james delivers the "oh yeah, three years ago... but i got a letter from her! :D" bit. it's like.. bro forgot she was dead..... (not like this doesn't also happen in the remake, just.. the original's voice acting is something special man)

okay ummmm i didn't mean to spend so many words close reading the minutiae of that scene. anyway. more maria things! GOD i love that she banters with james now while they're walking. just an inarguably positive addition to the game. it's always the best when two characters chat during gameplay - like 2B and 9S from nier automata! i fucking love how maria startles when james breaks windows (but also sounds kind of excited about it). also her checking out her og outfit in the one hotel room?? really good moment. also this:

finally:

silent hill 3 reference babey!!!!!!! very very subtle. i like this a lot.

my final thought of the night (unrelated to maria sorry) is that i think the game is reaaally missing a lock-on/target enemies button. maybe that would make it too easy, but idk... the original had that... and it seems like a good thing to put in if you're making combat a bigger part of the game...... not to be like "dark souls!" but even dark souls has a lock-on button......

[little-engineer-who-cant]

Jason confronts Bruce

Part 5 of Sirens Scream Names Forgotten by Tomorrow, Laid to Rest in Infinity

(also posted under cut)

“You cannot create a monster and then condemn it, hate its ugly features, its terrible gait. When I look into the mirror, I do not see myself but all of you who made me.”

- David Jones

(Shoot him.)

(That’s not the plan.)

(Fuck the plan. Shoot.)

(You’d have me waste all this?)

(It’s what you want, isn’t it? No one walks away.)

(Ideally, I will.)

(You’ve been dead for how long now? No one is walking away.)

(I-)

(It was never going to be you.)

He’s staring down the barrel of his own gun at the man who should have been his father when he finds the truth.

(You came back from the dead. You were never making it out alive.)

(No one walks away.)

No one walks away. He’s cheated death to ensure it. 

(Reaper made flesh.)

(Pull the trigger.)

So he does.

—

There are burns on his arms. The hair singed right off. He reeks of smoke and despair, cloaked in failure as he hunches over the metal railing. He aches of broken bones that are healing, of bruises on his ego, his body, his memories, his everything. But that’s nothing compared to the sting of failure. Of all the times to grab me, old man, it had to be now? At least if Bruce had let it all happen, Jason wouldn’t be alive to care about the aftermath. He’d be back in the ground-

(where you belong-)

-making nice with the worms and decay. 

But that’d be too easy. That’d be nice and neat, a pretty little bow on the tragedy of Jason Todd. Born to die, again and again, until he finally got it right.

(Maybe you’re still trying to be the perfect son.)

(I can’t be. I’m not Dick.)

(No. You’re not even Jason.)

It’s an old truth. That doesn’t make it sting any less. What’s really fucking with him, running in incessant circles in his already insane mind is the why. Why did Bruce grab him? It wasn’t like he was Bruce’s son anymore.

(When a man puts a dead thing in the ground, he expects it to stay there.)

But he’d clawed his way back out. And like every warning sign on the way up from Hades, he hadn’t come back right. Would Eurydice have been the same, if she ever broke the surface? He’d done that, come up from the water, reborn and remade. Jason Todd, Talia and Ra’s had christened him. A dead man. 

(You’re not making sense.)

(Isn’t that what you wanted?)

It’s easier not to think, to let his body turn and twist and ache in whatever direction it decides to take him. It’ll make sure he’s safe, that instinct is too ingrained to ever die. As long as his mind is blank, he’s not thinking about Bruce. 

The Pit stays quiet. No use trying to drive a man towards a cliff when he’s already leapt off the edge.

Jason has never fucking once wanted it to talk more than he does in that moment. Just for a reminder that he’s not alone.

—

Weakness, plain and simple. When he comes out of his haze, he’s staring at his worst weakness in the form of her bedroom through the window. Perched precariously on the concrete sill, he leans his forehead against the pane and watches his breath fog it up until he can’t see inside. Can’t see if she’s home or not. Can’t see if she’ll see him.

(Weak.)

But the voice is weak too. It can’t goad him over something he’s already accepted, something he already knows. She’s his pressure point, the chink in his armor and it’s all because she-

Click.

The window unlatches and he leans just far enough away that he won’t tumble when it opens to reveal her, the off-white hue of distant neon light catching in her dark hair like a halo of starlight.

“Hey,” she whispers, leaning her elbows on the still and looking up at him, seeing the dirt and blood, smelling the smoke and sulfur, hearing the sirens that herald emergency vehicles screaming towards that fire.

“I shouldn’t be here,” he mumbles, resting his head against the rough brick exterior, the edge of her window digging into the back of his mask. 

“Come’ere.” She holds out a hand.

“I shouldn’t be here.” It’s the one thing he knows for sure.

“I don’t care.” 

“They can find you.”

“Let them. I’ve faced worse.”

“You shouldn’t face what’s after me.”

“If it means keeping you, I’ll welcome them all with a smile.” Her stubborn expression hasn’t changed. Hasn’t even flickered. “I’ve lost a lot of people that I’ve loved. I’m not losing you too.”

“You’re insane.”

“Maybe. What a pair we make.” He takes her hand, she pulls him in the window and they press their foreheads together. Her fingers come up and gently, carefully, reverently undo the clasp on his mask, peeling away the vengeful Red Hood to show the exhausted man underneath. And he is exhausted. 

“I let him get away,” he confesses, like a bullet to the gut. “The Joker- I-” Her fingers rest over his lips, silencing him.

“It’ll take time, but he’ll get his due.”

“You say that like you know.” Her smile is full of teeth, knives gleaming in the dark as her blue eyes flash through with the soft pink of an unknown power that absolutely terrifies him. Carefully hidden away, only to be drawn out to hamstring someone without warning, to hobble, to cripple, to destroy.

“For you? I won’t give Fate a choice. And he’ll beg for one.” Was this how Paris felt when Troy burned for Helen? Like any price was worth paying to keep those eyes on him with all that promise, that devotion, that dedication to do anything. Her fingers stroke down his jaw and he follows those streaks of heat like he’ll die if they leave his skin. 

It’s an incredible dichotomy, the violence of her words mixed with the gentle affection in her touch and it’s more intoxicating than any drug he knows. 

“I don’t want you in danger,” he protests, but it’s weak in the face of a woman stubborn enough to defy gods.

“And I don’t want you to get hurt. But here we are.” But here we are. With him hurt and her in danger. “Come to bed, the world can wait.” There’s so much he doesn’t understand, so many questions he needs answered, but in this moment, he can’t ask. Can’t be reminded she belongs to other people too. He needs to pretend, just for one more night, that she’s no one’s but his.

—

It’s quiet and dark and he loves it here, curled around her in a cocoon they’ve made of blankets and their bodies. It’s quiet and dark and he cares more about that than the fact that he’s overheating under the blankets. If he got rid of things he loved for the sake of his own comfort, he’d be in a very different place in life. He’s got the quiet and the dark and her, he’ll endure any discomfort to keep them.

“Penny for your thoughts?” she asks, voice a bare breath that stirs the room and him towards a semblance of life. But he doesn’t have any right now, none that he can speak. None that she can hear and live to see another day. 

“I can’t say what I want to,” he admits in the silence of her room, breathing that truth into the back of her neck. 

“Hm?” her head twists, trying to look at him, but he digs his forehead into the nape of her neck to stop it. 

“I can’t say it,” he repeats, arms banding more tightly around her, clutching her like a child holds their most comforting toy. “Or you’ll get killed.”

“Jason, let me turn around.” He clings harder, petulant, pressing a kiss to her spine and tasting salt. “Jason.”

“Silena,” he growls, curling further, squishing her more firmly into the circle of his body while he tries to shut the world away. 

“Can I at least look at you?” He shakes his head. He likes it here, in the dark of her room, buried in the softness of her hair. Childish of him, absolutely, but right now he can’t face the thought of seeing her eyes pick him apart. “Fine, then…” she grumbles something under her breath in what sounds like Not-English but he’s not concentrating enough to tell exactly what dead language it is. “Give me.” She pries at one of his hands with that ever surprising strength of hers.

“Silena-”

“Please can I hold your hand at least?” That he can do. He can keep her like this with one arm, that’s not a problem. So he gives her a hand, letting her pull it up and towards her face, what is she-

She presses each one of his fingers to her mouth, kissing the calloused tips, her breath warm and grounding. The sensation hits him like a pile driver, tears welling in his eyes as he buries his head deeper. Maybe not seeing her was a mistake, maybe then he could have stopped her before- Her mouth presses delicately into his palm, a gentle and reassuring hum vibrating against his skin.

“I love you too,” she whispers into the hand that has taken hundreds of lives, destroyed thousands more, a hand that could so easily smother her with just a bit more pressure but she puts her life in it again and again- “I love you too.”

[aspiring-holistic-otaku]

Season 3 Ramble#2 - “romance" lol ver.3

This month’s episode is all about romance, the third time around now and somehow I find myself with yet another tweak in format. Guess that just goes to show that love comes in many forms. In any case this month’s format isn’t that different from last time. I’ve still split my reads into 3 categories, the main difference is that the categories themselves have changed. Last time it was cute stuff, fucked up stuff and lewd stuff, this time I still have the cute category but I've switched out the other two based on this month’s reads, which I'll explain as we get to them.

So basically how this episode is gonna go is I'm gonna give my top reads this month in ascending order for each of those categories and then my top 1 reads before this month for the same.

Getting right into it the first category up is

Awww {basically v cute v innocent stuff}

#3) The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Colleague (ongoing w 57 chapters, story & art by Miyuki Tonogaya)

This is an extremely simple but extremely cute story. The title pretty much summarizes it actually, the main character is the descendant of an ice demon, which is apparently not too strange in this world since he works a normal office job,,, and he has a crush on his cool, stoic, almost expressionless female colleague.

It's a pretty neat take on slow burns because one it's pointedly ice related, and secondly the ice guy’s emotions affect his environment, like if he gets too excited there'll be a blizzard or tiny snowmen will appear.. If you've ever had a crush on someone you know it's already hard enough to act natural or “be cool" so this guy has a pretty rough go of it.

The art is pretty nice but the characters, especially the wider cast leaves more than a bit to be desired. It actually almost kinda feels like the creator really just wanted to focus on the main two but the editor was like,, that's not how the real world works, especially not in an office... I do appreciate though that some of the wider cast includes different types of demons and it’s fun to see the different ways their emotions leak out, the different pairings, and so on.

As I said it’s an extremely simple story, almost feels like a 4 panel tbh, nothing I'd push too hard but it’s undeniably cute and makes for a super easy binge read or just something to pick up from time to time to escape the harshness of reality and indulge in the very cute but very absurd fantasy of a successful workplace romance… I think more than a few ppl have that one coworker you would if you could… but no… just no… leave it alone… leave it in fiction land my friend…

#2) Skip and Loafer (ongoing w 58 chapters, story & art by Misaki Takamatsu)

The story here follows our main heroine, a real go getter, who moved from the countryside to big city Tokyo for highschool, all so she could follow her dreams of being a politician and help out in rural areas around the country. Anyways she’s characterized as not being great at much else but studying, and in that spirit, gets lost on the way to her entrance ceremony. Here enters our main hero who’s also late but for the opposite reason, he’s super laid back, slept late and was considering just skipping but he felt sorry for this obviously lost but obviously trying girl so he decides to help her out and the story takes off from there.

Just wanna get out of the way that I love all the characters and their interactions with each other and especially within themselves. If anything, that's this manga’s strongest point. It makes the characters ooze real feelings that really feels in place for each where they are. Like not too dramatic where you wonder if they’re really highschool kids or even in school for that matter, and not too fantasy like where everything is perfect and it’s almost like characters are machines just filling a roll.

It kicks off pretty early on with engaging character interactions and the way they change and develop as the main cast gets to know each other is really endearing. I especially really really love the main heroine because she’s that innocent character type but it’s not done in that way that makes her this pure cinnamon roll that’s too good for this world, where nothing gets her down or she chooses peace and love every time. Her thing is that she’s basically socially inept and so she doesn’t really get when people are mean or even when they're being nice sometimes, but she’s all by herself in this new place so she’s trying and though she doesn’t always get it, it’s a real pleasure to see her grow.

It’s ongoing, only 58 chapters but there’s been a ton of realness and real growth in a bunch of ways for most of the cast packed in so far. Really can’t wait to see where it goes from here.

Anyways, cool art, great cast, love the interactions and would definitely highly recommend this one.

#1) Horimiya (complete w 152 chapters, story by HERO & art by Daisuke Hagiwara)

The story here is that the main hero/heroine pair each have a hidden side to them that nobody else knows. At school, the heroine is always super put together but when she’s at home she’s too busy taking care of her little brother for all that and takes on a more homely caretaker persona (the art is shoujo leaning so she and most of the main cast pretty much always looks pretty). But anyways, at school, the hero is seen as a gloomy glasses wearing loner but when he leaves school he looks like he came out of a rock magazine. Tattoos and piercings everywhere. Anyways, this and that happens, the convenient plot is convenient and they end up becoming friends who hold each other’s secrets.

As much as the story kinda feels like shoujo perfect world fantasy stuff, and as much as it came out as top 1 largely because it’s complete, I think a small part of it might have been that a tiny part of me still wants to believe in, and might even still want that kind of “perfect” love. From the innocent buildup to the accumulation of every day special normals and beyond… but in any case, I did honestly like the theme of more and more of your true self coming to the surface and being able to show that true self to someone.

Overall, besides the main pairing, the cast was kinda weak, not bad, just pretty one dimensional But that one dimension was very cute and fluffy and this being a romance manga, it worked. What I will say though is that it took a while for the wider cast to come into play and even more for them to make me care, like not until late 50s heading into 70s did i care about anyone but the main pairing. Meanwhile skip and loafer only has about 50 chapters total and I was fully invested in the entire cast well before then.

But as I said, when the full horimiya cast rolls in it’s all very cute and I liked that they even made the platonic same sex relations pretty cute like yh guys just having fun and it’s not weirdly pervy in any direction, just another form of love yk.. v cool… Again it did have me yearning a bit like wow imagine having a life with both platonic AND romantic relationships being healthy and fulfilling.

Anywho,, pretty neat art, the story kinda just goes on ig but having in mind that it was a romance and it goes on in an increasingly cute way and all, i’d recommend it.

hm:

Even the Introverted Gals Wanna Get Out There! - pretty funny, maybe more funny than cute, also it’s girl on girl, think dead dead demon’s destruction but the main heroines actually get to live life and breath air, literally just vibing out in the club room after school (ongoing w about 6 chaps)

Train Man - Net Development, the Love Story of a Local Train: based on a true story apparently, basically a dude saves some people on a train and becomes friends with one of them and stuff take off from there (complete w 27 chapters)

ftr everything in the main list has an anime but i can’t speak on their status or quality

also ftr I'd definitely rate skip and loafer higher than horimiya overall but because this is the cuteness category, + horimiya is a complete story which I tend to favour for higher places in lists and stuff

next category up is

Dense & Denser

{this is basically when one or more of the characters are just oblivious to any love flags thrown their way}

#2) How to Raise a Boring Girlfriend (complete w 42 chapters, story & art by Takeshi Moriki, original LN story by Fumiaki Maruto)

Had never heard of this one before but the title pulled me in like how and why would one raise a boring girlfriend anyways?

The story here is that on the way to school the mc has an encounter with a mystery girl and it’s love at first sight, even though he didn’t see her face…. The mc is an anime/manga otaku much like myself, and this encounter inspires him to make a dating sim game, but after he happens to actually meet the mystery girl face to face, he finds that she’s actually kind of plain,, albeit in a cute sort of way. In any case the feeling of their first mystery meeting lives on so he pushes through with his idea, intending to transform this girl into his ideal heroine. The main story, relations and problems arise around him trying to get the dev team together for this game, and of course this being romance they’re all girls.

It’s all very funny in a very meta way, with commentary on anime/manga culture in most chapters, and the so called main heroine, being outside that culture, usually playing a very good straight man. It’s also meta in how the mc goes about getting his dev team together, as i said they’re all girls so it’s almost like his life becomes a dating sim in trying to woo them into his harem… i mean game dev team…

In any case I’m not even actually sure the mc really counts as romantically dense or if he was just so committed to the bit of being a single weeb undeserving of love that he just pretended not to notice all the pretty loud romantic undertones,,, but maybe that's a type of density in itself… a younger me can def relate… being committed to the bit is a lifestyle… bed is bae… anyways it’s kind of ecchi but still surprisingly good in both the romance and meta aspects. Pretty good art, they made a decision to keep the cast compact and it worked out very nicely. It wraps up in just under 50 chapters but I will say each chapter is pretty dense and can be a bit word heavy. Would recommend.

#1) Monthly Girls’ Nozaki (ongoing w 148 chapters, story & art by Izumi Tsubaki)

This story follows our main heroine as she tries to get the attention of her crush, who is our mc. In approaching him she finds out he’s actually her favourite romance manga creator and through this and that ends up working on it with him as an assistant to try and get closer to him.

Right off the bat I think everyone in this cast is pretty dense but man is the main hero just the most dense mf in the universe. I feel sorry for the main heroine cause she knows but she’s just so down bad for him she kinda becomes dense to how down bad she is. In any case every chapter takes the form of a series of connected 4 panel stories and it’s pretty funny throughout.

The wider cast is pretty neat, nothing too crazy but as i said they’re all pretty dense in their own weird ways so the interactions are usually funny. The art is solid, cast is okay, pretty funny, would recommend for sure.

ftr both have an anime not sure of status or quality

and again ftr i’d rank boring girlfriend over monthly girls’ in general, especially as it’s complete it’s just that this is the dense & denser category and monthly girls’ nozaki is definitely dense central, like black hole event horizon density my friends…

and the last category

That’s Rough Buddy

{a direct reference to avatar when sokka told prince zuko his girlfriend turned into the moon and his response was “that’s rough buddy”, this category is different from the that’s fucked up category I used in very.2 in that these focus more on emotional turmoil and have no physical violence and so on}

#3) Kowloon Generic Romance (ongoing w 61 chapters, story & art by Jun Mayuzuki)

This is kind of eh tbh, cool art, and it’s kind of a mystery as to what’s goin on, so much so that I don’t think I can describe it without spoiling so i’ll lean on the anilist/yen press summary a bit here which is as follows:

“Welcome to Kowloon Walled City: a dystopian townscape where the people are brimming with nostalgia, and where the past, present, and future converge. Amid the hidden emotions and extraordinary daily lives of the men and women working in its confines, a tale of romance begins to unfold for real estate agent Reiko Kujirai—one that feels as familiar as Kowloon itself…”

I doubt that told you anything but I hope it sparks some intrigue, I will say it has a good number of dope one liners, and if i’m being honest the main characters smoke a lot which is an aesthetic I love for some reason so sue me…

Not much else to say tbh, nice art as I said, it’s pretty cool, okay cast, the story is pulling a bit but the bait isn’t that strong, though the aesthetics of it all has definitely caught my eye so I will be keeping up with it after this month… i wouldn’t push it as a recommendation that hard but there’s only 61 chapters rn so no real loss if you do decide to check it out

#2) How Do We Relationship? (ongoing w 115 chapters, story & art by tamifull)

The story here is that the main heroines are gay and in reality no matter how much the media and conservatives want ppl to believe that homosexuality and homosexuals are accepted and normalized in society, in fact that anything but being heterosexual and cisgender passing is accepted & normalized, that’s simply not the case in real life. I live in jamaica and man, not that I really care, but I could get shunned just for reading stuff with gays in it… In any case that’s the sort of reality the main heroines live in which was cool for its realness as they were/are hiding the fact that they're gay, but in any case plot plot plot they end up going out….

This is the “that’s rough buddy” category so I think it’s okay to spoil that it doesn’t go smoothly though I won’t go into further detail. I will mention a really cool thing the author said in an afterword where they say that a lot of romance stories tend to build towards and end at the start of the main characters getting into a relationship, but life isn’t like that. There’s life after that and that’s sort of what they wanted to illustrate. The life after a relationship…. Sounds like a spoiler but remember there’s more than just our heroines in the story. there’s a whole wider cast and they’re all pretty great. each having their own relationship troubles or lack thereof, ideas and philosophies on love and etc.

Pretty solid art, in fact it really reminds me of yokohama shopping log, so much so that i’m convinced it’s a fanfiction created just to make the characters from that series actually full on gay. Pretty solid cast, a story that gets more and more engaging as it goes on though it’s pretty solid from the start. would definitely highly recommend though it can be a bit tumultuous like damn you guys just never gonna be stable huh??

#1) Chobits (complete w 88 chapters, story & art by CLAMP an all woman manga group formed in the mid 1980s made of Nanase Ohkawa, Mokona, Tsubaki Nekoi and Satsuki lgarashi)

I’d always seen this around and always as the profile picture for some more than suspicious internet accounts… the vibe it gave off in my periphery view was just horrendous tbh but i took the dive and it was worth it, obviously, coming in at #1.

The story here is that in the future, the world is inhabited by humans who live alongside their extremely powerful computers called persocoms, that are shaped to look and act almost human. numerous stories have taken this angle so I think you can imagine the effects that would have on society, but in any case the story follows our mc who recently moved from the countryside to the city and ends up finding one in the trash that he takes in and starts to take care of. The thing is their memory is corrupted so he has to teach them everything, but soon enough the mystery of the discarded persocom comes to light and their abilities could change the world.

All that pompous stuff aside the theme of discerning the shape of love and who deserves it was pretty cool, the mc was bleh and so was most of the cast but the last few chapters and the questions they posed were enough, especially the origin story of the persocom like damn… that’s rough as fuck buddy,, def kinda weird but my condolences all the same…. Art was okay… and yh i’d recommend it..

hm:

Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai

Top Combo

Video Girl Ai (complete w 131 chapters, story & art by Masakazu Katsura)

This was probably my fav read this month, somewhere between this, boring girlfriend and skip & loafer but this definitely has the best combinations of the different categories I was working with this month.

Again this is something I'd seen floating around for the longest and associated with more than sus accounts but it was pretty good.

The lazy story is that the mc is a lame with no game and his crush ends up confessing to his best friend in front of him. obviously distraught he ends up renting what he thinks is a porn tape.. which I guess it technically is but it's supernatural in that the girl comes out of the TV and tries to mend the viewers’ heart.

Things get super complicated and it turns into the weirdest love polygon I've ever seen, lots of back and forth and dilly dallying but I enjoyed it. The art was great, had a great classic feel, there's more than a bit of ecchi but it's not entirely distasteful or weirdly out of context, the characters and their interactions were a bit exasperating with the back and forth, loves me loves me not stuff but that had its own entertainment value, and in any case I'd recommend it

now moving onto stuff from before this month, which I won't get into details for as I've spoken on them in previous versions which I'm encouraging you to go listen to or read the transcripts for,,

Oldies

Awww

Our Precious Conversations (top 1 oldie ver.1)

Dense & Denser

That's Rough Buddy

Hi Score Girl (top 1 ver. 2)

Boy's Abyss (top2 wtf ver. 1)

That's it for this part, got a little off cuff rambling in the rest of the ramble of you wanna listen in, thanks for checking this out as usual, hope you can find something here or elsewhere that you'll love and I hope you have a good one until next time 🍻

[poisedpen]

✒ Planning...for the Neurodivergent!

I think that for most people the term "planning" conjures pictures of perfectly executed layouts and neat, tidy handwriting. While these things are certainly impressive, sometimes it feels like it prioritizes style over function. Journaling, and by extension, planning, does NOT have to be expensive, time consuming, or perfect.

When I first started dipping my toes into the community a few years ago, I got probably two weeks into a proper “bullet journal” before I gave up. My ink smudged, my stickers peeled, and I found that spending hours making the perfect layout was sucking away my limited time.

As a newly diagnosed and treated ADHD-er, I have found some success in a printed planner. All the months, weeks, and days are already laid out for me, and I have the time at work to fill out everything I need.

But what about someone who doesn’t have the luxury of down time at work? What about someone who gets overwhelmed just THINKING about all of the long-term projects and obligations they have on a day-to-day basis? A chronic procrastinator? Someone whose phone’s to-do list is just BURSTING with tasks, but there’s no prioritization?

Introducing…the pocket notebook!

The main objective of this is to find a pocket notebook that is portable, slim, and enjoyable to write on. Field Notes are quite popular among the stationery crowd, but they’re also on the pricey side for only 48 pages. If you have the money and you enjoy them, go for it! But there could very well be something just as perfect for you waiting at the dollar store.

Yeah, it’s small, and therefore may not be the most comfortable thing to write in. However, it’s not truly meant to be a full-blown journal. No– instead of shoving it into an endless to-do list or note on your phone…you are making your idea tangible.

Your phone, and by extension all of its notifications and applications and features, is designed to distract you. By removing all of that and placing a simple, analog tool in front of you…it is, in theory, easier to focus on what matters.

Think of a cool story idea at work? Jot it down. Remember something you need to do on the way home? Birthdays? Events? Goals? Jot it down. There are no rules. If it's important to you, keep it.

The pocket notebook isn’t really intended to be a super-organized or coherent space for your thoughts. It’s a catch-all for things that might slip your mind later. Then, when you get a chance to rest at the end of your day, you can look back and transfer that idea to something a little more organized. This can be a more structured planner, a journal, a story document, a discord chat, etc.

But hey…maybe that’s still not your cup of tea. You don’t have the time to sit down and reflect on your day. You don’t want to have to organize everything into neat little boxes. It’s just a concept at this point, but…I might have something for you.

✒ MY PSEUDO-PLANNER METHOD

This is in part adapted from other methods I’ve seen people use, but specifically made with my partner’s struggles in mind. He has been using his phone’s default to-do list to write down tasks, but by doing so other things get pushed to the bottom. There’s no real way to “prioritize” them, and after years of using this system there were simply so many that he didn’t know where to start.

So, after a little bit of nudging, I had my partner write down every single thing in his phone’s notes and to-do list in the front of his pocket notebook. Since he struggles with prioritization, I went ahead and did the following steps for him. (If you struggle with this and have a friend, partner, or family member willing to do the same thing, definitely use them as a resource!)

✒ STEP-BY-STEP PROCESS

I chose three things my partner NEEDED to get done before a certain deadline (In this case, seeing his parents for Thanksgiving).

I transferred them to a clean page and wrote the due date at the top.

I crossed those tasks off of the task masterlist.

I “sealed” his task masterlist with a piece of washi tape (masking/painters tape also works great!)

I left space at the bottom of the page for additional notes he may think of throughout the week.

For many neurodivergent people, seeing a HUGE LIST OF THINGS YOU NEED TO DO is the single most discouraging thing ever. By removing the list of things from normal view, I’m relying on the theory of “out of sight, out of mind”. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t still get those things done! It’s more about tricking your brain into only thinking about the most important things you have to do in that time period. And then...getting the satisfaction of crossing them out once they're complete.

I have actually been using a method quite similar to this for my full planner. I tape folded half-pages full of long term goals, purchases, and other lists to my monthly page so that I can go back and reference them when I feel up for a new task. By keeping them hidden from my regular view it helps me feel less anxious about ALL THE THINGS I WANT TO ACHIEVE and I can instead focus on the short-term necessities.

(Please excuse my mess...I'm moving into a Hobonichi Cousin for 2024, and figuring out my process in this cheap planner in the meantime!)

✒ OTHER TIPS

Pick a notebook you like! Paper smoothness, paper thickness, size, lined, dotted, gridded, etc.

Use a writing utensil you enjoy! Rollerball, fountain pen, sharpies, pencil, whatever!

Think of it as a sensory experience when it comes to the above. If you enjoy the act of it, you’re more likely to do it!

If you are able to carry around two differently-colored pens, use one to underline/add contrast for readability.

Use a paperclip to keep your place.

If you have it available, use sticky notes for tentative plans that aren’t set in stone yet.

You ARE allowed to tear pages out, cut them, modify the cover, etc. NO RULES! It's your spce.

You can prevent bleedthrough to other pages by keeping a thin, paper-sized object behind your page. (Like shitajiki/pencil boards)

✒ CONCLUSION

The main point behind EVERYTHING I’ve written here is that digital tools aren’t for everyone. Notion, Obsidian, Trello, etc. are great resources, and there are many people who have great success when using them. However, I am sure there are many other people like my partner and I who have developed a kind of “clutter blindness” to things that aren’t immediately in front of them.

You aren’t stupid for needing things broken down into exact, detailed steps. You aren’t inherently irresponsible because you miss deadlines or misplace important information. You need accessibility. The world may not be built for people like us, but there are so many ways you can learn to help yourself achieve your goals

(Please feel free to add your ideas and modifications to this post! I'd love to see what your methods are-- perhaps they might help me, as well!)

[b-blushes]

YES thank you i LOVE essay and this is exactly the kind of reply i was hoping for!!! you made it so easy to understand too! (i am writing my thoughts in a different tab as i read your reply :P) i kind of know about the refracting light slowing things down too? When i was researching yesterday I came across diagrams for scattering, and refraction, but I couldn't understand it thoroughly enough to be able to make the connection between those things and the 'opaque vs transparent' foundation!

the reason the light slows down in refraction is to do with the oscillation like i talked about above i think - when the two waves (the oscillations of the light waves electrons and the oscillation of the electrons in the object) are interacting when the light (electromagnetic radiation) is 'in' the object, that's when it's slowed down, but when the light gets to the other side of the object, then the two waves aren't doing oscillation stuff to each other any more so the light speeds up again. So I'm extrapolating that different materials have different resonances (? like different frequencies of electron vibration?), and the air isn't interfering with the wave in the same way as the 'object' it's passing through and going out the other side.

(the condensed version of this i got from wikipedia, too bad i did all my own research yesterday to make those connections between the basics when it had already been connected and laid out neatly! :P but i did skip over the deeper understanding of it because wave interference (the more deep explanation about what's going on with the waves) looks waaaay complicated and i think you could dive and dive into each part of what's going on with the fish until you're super granular! Now I can read through your whole reply though maybe you already knew those bits and meant you didn't get, like, the whole deal with the oscillations thing, sorry :P)

that is SO NEAT about refraction inside cells being the thing that makes creatures opaque!!! this is just a picture of refraction in glass (so the light *is* passing through rather than scattering like it does inside a creature) that i was looking at yesterday, but it helped me visualise what you meant about the angles of the light changing again and again and again inside a creature that is not see through. :o

so in very simple terms it does that so many times in 'layers' in an opaque creature that it just loses all its energy and goes away?! I was reading about diffuse reflection/scattering too, is that a part of it or is that something slightly different? (Maybe the can both happen at the same time, probably multiple things happen with the light at once depending on the object right?) (a diagram for diffuse reflection or scattering)

WOAH so the tight-packed-ness of the muscle in the fish in theory is a big part of why we can see through, because the light *isn't* discoballing around inside there into nothing and is more of 'one' 'zigzag' (very simplified) that can make it through :o

I only read the abstract of the iridescence article and looked at the pictures (i'm running out of brainpower :P) but that really pulls it together! Thank you so much for your reply! also good luck with your presentation figures!!!

hello do i have anyone who can explain the physics of light to me in 'guy who doesn't understand things' terms please? I would like to understand how you can see through glass catfish!!! i have the information (to my understanding): - most likely because their muscles are tightly packed which reduces light scatter what's light scatter? (can you explain it to me in a way that's not 'it's a thing that light does' - i would like to know for example why is it different to light reflection? what part of the light uhhhh process is the part that enables us to see the object? the sources i'm finding are too basic (leave it at 'light bouncing off objects means we can see them! (:' ) or waaaay to complex for me)

[augustinewrites]

megumi frowns down at the two dress shirts he’s laid on the bed, conflicted. they both look exactly the same - white and long-sleeved - the only difference being brands he’s never heard of.

shrugging, he chooses the one with the french label.

he’s never really cared about clothes before. most days he just wore his uniform anyways, and on days off he wore whatever plain t-shirt and black pants that were clean.

tonight is different, though. tonight he cares, and the shirts he bought just because they were on sale wouldn’t cut it.

“good choice on the ysl.”

megumi jolts, hands abandoning the buttons of the shirt to summon his demon dog as he whirls around.

gojo holds his hands up in surrender, and megumi groans, releasing the shikigami (he briefly considers summoning it anyway when he sees the smug look on his guardian’s face). “what are you doing here?”

“i live here, so i should be asking you that. how’d you even get in?”

megumi rolls his eyes, buttoning up the shirt the rest of the way. it’s a bit long, but he figures he can tuck the hem into his pants and roll up the sleeves. “you gave me your spare key and said ‘keep this in case i lose my own,’ and then when you lost your key you never asked for this one back because you just teleport inside.”

“oh yeah, i forgot you had that,” he chuckles, leaning against the doorframe, not even asking for it back like the chaotic adult he is. “so, do you wanna tell me why you’re here raiding my closet?”

“not really,” he mutters, pulling open a drawer to reveal multiple rows of ties.

“nothing special going on tonight?” gojo pushes, sauntering into the room.

“nope,” he maintains, overwhelmed by the variety of options. should he text and ask what you’re wearing so he can match?

gojo is suddenly leaning over his shoulder. “nothing at all? not even...a date?”

megumi sighs, rolling his eyes. “itadori told you?”

he draws back, hand dramatically grasping at his chest. “kugisaki, actually, but you told itadori before me? i’m hurt! you’re going on your first date and you didn’t even tell me about it!”

“i didn’t want to tell you because i knew that you were going to be weird about it.” gojo was always weird about stuff like this. megumi still remembers his first day of middle school, how excited his guardian was when he snapped picture after picture at the door of the apartment. how he pretended not to cry as he stood at the curb, watching he and tsumiki walk to school without him for the first time.

“me, weird?” he gasps, offended. “more like proud! i’ve known about your little crush for a while now.”

“you knew?” he groans, heat rising to his face.

“megumi, you’re a seventeen year old boy, of course i knew. i’m pretty sure you have more hormones in your body than cursed energy at this point.”

“you’re one to talk,” he huffs, deciding on a simple black tie and slinging it around his neck.

“no no,” gojo suddenly tsks, snatching the tie from his neck and stuffing it back into the drawer. “don’t go with black unless you want to look like a waiter.”

he looks him up and down before delving back into the drawer and coming up with a blue tie. “navy goes nice with dark grey pants. it’s also in season for autumn months.”

megumi has no idea what to say to that, so he opts to stay silent, letting gojo loop the tie around his neck in a neat windsor (much like he did on his first day of middle school).

he grumbles his thanks, batting gojo’s hands away when he teasingly tries to pop his collar.

he’s halfway across the room when gojo stops him. “where do you think you’re going, young man?”

“is that a trick question?”

gojo rummages through his nightstand, retrieving a sleek box and tossing it towards him. “here, take some of these. i’m too young to be a grandfather.”

“i— it’s our first date,” he splutters, throwing the box back at him. “we’re not gonna…”

“so, you’re gonna sit through dinner and not have dessert?”

“women aren’t food. you’re so embarrassing,” he growls, stomping out as gojo laughs behind him.

as he’s passing through the kitchen, he notices gojo’s wallet and keys sitting on the counter.

“i’m taking your car!” he yells over his shoulder. then, as an afterthought, “and your credit card!”

“hey, wait i need both those things—”

megumi’s already out the front door.

-

“i wish you’d let me pay for some of this,” you pout, staring down at the multiple containers of food that megumi had accumulated from various street vendors.

“it’s not a problem,” he dismisses, reaching up to loosen his tie a little. you’re both sitting on the hood of the sleek black car you didn’t know he drove, food laid out between the both of you, the crisp nighttime air filled with the mouthwatering scents of buckwheat, dashi. “you can pay next time, if you want.”

“what makes you so sure i wanna go out with you again?” you tease, though your coy smile drops when megumi’s face pales.

“sorry, i— i didn’t mean to assume.”

you’re quick to lean over your little picnic, reaching out for him. he watches you, eyes wide as your palm gently cups his face. “fushiguro—”

he shakes his head a little, averting his gaze. “you don’t have to—”

you pull his face to yours, pressing a light kiss to his lips. it’s your first kiss and you know it’s his too, the movement of his mouth against your tentative and unsure, but still so sweet. when you draw back to look at him, his cheeks hold a healthy flush, lashes fluttering as he gazes at you shyly.

you place a soft kiss to the tip of his nose. “i would love to go out with you again.”

[oddballwriter]

Big Top Burger & Zomburger Relationship HC

Summary: What I think the Big Top Burger and Zomburger characters are like in a relationship

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol & bars, and the possible undead

Author’s Snip: I got into Big Top Burger again, and I want to expand out of just writing for Slenderverse. And also because some of these characters are real cute and just wanna think about how they’d be in a relationship.

Notes: I’m excluding Steve because... he’s just weird. I don’t think he could really be normal if he tried. I don’t think anyone is simping for the clown man so I think it’s fine. Also, this is the only Bigtop and Zomburger post I have so far, if you like my writing then feel free to request something, so long as you read the rules and boundaries for my blog first.  

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy!

꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦

Penny

MILF /j

No, I’m just yanking your chain a bit

She is really cute and she’s implied to be a mother 

I think it’s actually confirmed by WorthiKids that the little girl we see in the s1 credits and s2 intro is her daughter

We don’t know if she’s a single mother but for the sake of this post I’ll just have it that she is

So as a single parent its inherent that she needs time to take care of her daughter along with work so she might not have a lot of times for dates

I feel like she’s one to enjoy simple dates like the movies or a small night out 

She’s so sweet and polite I love her so much aaa

Obviously there’s a bit of a requirement and need for you to be looking for a serious relationship and that you’ll remain since she’d most likely want someone good to stay for the sake of her daughter and her

She would be sooo happy if you took quickly to being some type of figure in her daughter’s life 

She seems like she’d give you cheek kisses regularly

Love is stored in the Penny /hj 

Billie

She’s definitely a chill hang out date kind of person 

You guys would hang out at her place and listen to some music or watch  movies that she has 

Billie is pretty monotone and tired sounding when she speaks and I feel like in a way that’s charming 

Depending on your personality, you might be the one with the energy in the relationship

She just feels so laid back and chill , Idk what else to say, she just seems so cool

She’d totally tell you about all the weird things that she’s seen while on the job at Big Top

Tim

He has such a buddy buddy vibe outside of work and that it peaks through a bit while on the job as you watch the series 

He’d take you on the typical dates but I feel like he enjoys going to bars with you every once in a while to get some beers

He also tells you about the oddity that is Steve

He seems pretty funny, he just has that vibe to him that he’s a really funny guy outside of work

He probably flirts a bit but in a light hearted easy way

But over all he just has the vibes that he’s just really cool and he’s a neat boyfriend

Frances

She seems very fun loving and buddy buddy outside of work

Cesare said that his workers are just a bunch of theatre majors and I believe that for Frances

I’m gonna say it, she has theatre kid energy

I really think she’d be fun to hangout with if not date too, similar to Tim

She seems like she enjoys the gimmick of working at a themed food truck and even enjoys them as a customer since likes bad food

Would honestly get shitty food with you just to eat it and hate it

Conrad

I love him

I love me some beefy strong dumb guys

He is an absolute idiot yes, but he looks like an absolute sweetheart too

He seems like he’d gladly go on any type of date with you

He’s totally able to pick you up, he can man a canon for crying out loud

He’s real gentle with you if he’s carrying you or picking you up since he’s really tall and super strong

If anything is ever too heavy for you, he’ll be a sweetheart and offer to hold/carry it for you

He looks like he’s lowkey real soft on the inside

Some of that tough brute exterior, soft sweetie interior

Doctor

He tries to be a gentleman

He succeeds for the most part

Also, I hc that he didn’t actually talk like that but he would be doing it for so long and would do it off the clock for fun, to the point that it just… stayed

He treats you well regardless though

He’s probably more into the romantics than the rest of them and goes out to dinner with you to a restaurant

He wants to try and make his own meals so that you guys can have your own dinner dates at home

But judging by the s2 intro, our boy can’t cook for shit

Cooking dates are probably a most simple type of date night activity though

Cesare 

You are… you are dating a dead guy possibly

Most likely

Maybe some type of entity of the underworld

I don’t know but obviously he’s an interesting person to date either way

He’s very… strange to put it in simple terms

You have never been to his place (most likely because it’s some type of underworld)

You’ve probably asked and he did a little tangent about how you’re not allowed there

He does come to your place a lot

Cemetery dates? Cemetery dates

You can bring food for yourself but the food is only for you since he “doesn’t eat”

He probably walks about with you making fun of some of the headstones

Rants about his evil schemes, his workers, and Big Top Burger all the time to you

I feel like you’re relationship is more leaning to the situationship side since you will go days without seeing him and then he’ll just show up

You think that he’s just a busy guy with his food truck business

But in all honesty that’s obviously not the case with the shit that he can do and is up to

Well at least you have a strange and off-putting, possibly a real undead, goth boyfriend

[babyboibucky]

Project V

Pairing: College!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You ask Bucky a favor of a lifetime.

Word Count: 4,233

Warnings: SMUT hehehe

A/N: This was supposed to be short but I enjoyed writing their banter wayyyy too much. And oh, this isn’t a friend to lovers trope lol and I have no plans for a second part to this. It is what is is for these two ;)

Edit: Will be doing ficlets for this AU every once in a while! Check out the first one linked below!

Project V Masterlist || MAIN MASTERLIST

“You want me to what?”

Your best friend, Bucky choked on his own spit upon hearing your question. His eyes were as wide as saucers as he stared at you in disbelief, you didn’t even know his eyes could get that big.

The sun was high up in the sky, it was barely noon and the two of you were simply walking into the campus when you asked him such favor. Bucky almost wondered whether you were drunk to even think of that.

“You want me to what?” Bucky repeated when you didn’t say anything, his elbow nudging your side as the two of you continued to walk along the pavement.

Letting out a sigh, you shrugged and repeated your favor with utter nonchalance.

“I want you to take my v-card. You know, my virginity?” You said, annoyed that he couldn’t seem to comprehend your simple request.

Bucky stopped in his tracks and tugged your shirt, pulling you back when you didn’t stop walking. His face was the epitome of confusion with his forehead creased, brows furrowed and lips open agape.

“Is there no other way for you to say that without making me cringe?” He asked.

Rolling your eyes, you groaned. “What did you want me to say? ‘Bucky, deflower me with your magic stick’?” You said sarcastically.

Bucky gagged at your words and shuddered. “But why? Why the fuck would you even consider that?” He asked. He simply couldn’t understand why.

You continued walking ahead and slowed down your pace until Bucky decided to catch up. “We’re graduating from college in less than a year and I’ve heard you boast about your bedroom skills. I don’t wanna leave college without getting fucked, Bucky. And since I’m still single and probably will be for the next few months, I put two and two and voila!”

Bucky snickered, “You gotta be kidding me.” He said.

“Why? Scared that I might find out that your dick ain’t working well?” You teased, narrowing your eyes at Bucky.

He snorted, “Umm excuse me, this dick is the best dick that you’ll ever have. I just don’t want to ruin other guys for you.” He boasted, shrugging his shoulders.

“Then do me the favor.” You said, as a matter-of-factly.

Bucky turned to you with a smirk, the kind that made any girl on the receiving end, bend down on their knees for him. You were going to admit it, that look made your insides churn. In a good way.

“Oh, I’ll do you alright. When do you want it to happen?” He finally asked.

You stopped walking again and fist pumped in victory. “Friday night. At your dorm. And please, don’t make it weird with romantic gestures. I just wanna get fucked real good.”

“Well, if that’s the case then it’s a deal. Let’s shake on it to make it official.” Bucky said.

The two of you did your signature high-five to seal the deal.

-

You knocked on Bucky’s room and let out a sigh when it took him quite a while to open it. Although it was going to be your first time, you weren’t really nervous about it. Besides, you trusted Bucky and if there’s any guy you won’t regret having sex with, it would be him.

There were a few noises from inside that made you roll your eyes. The door finally opened, revealing a flustered Bucky with an awkward smile plastered on his face.

“The fuck took you so long?” You huffed out and stepped inside, surprised at how neat his dorm looked like.

His roommate Steve had always been organized but seeing Bucky’s side of the room all neat? It was a sigh to behold. You looked at your best friend with a stoic look, “Why’d you clean?”

Bucky closed the door and locked it, running his fingers through his hair as he shrugged. “I just wanted to.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Fine, I cleaned. I didn’t want you to think I’m disgusting.” he reasoned out.

You stared at him pointedly, “I don’t care about that shit, I’m just here to get fucked. Besides, I’m used to your mess. I said don’t make it weird, jesus.”

Bucky groaned, “You asking me to fuck you is weird in its entirety. How can I not make things weird?!” He complained.

You sat on his bed and unzipped your jacket, revealing a bottle of tequila hidden beneath. “This is how we make things not weird.”

Two shots later and Bucky was finally loosening up to the idea of being the one to take your virginity. He prepared for this to be honest, forced asked Steve to stay over at Peggy’s for the weekend and worked out immediately right after formalizing the deal.

“Do we have rules?” He asked.

“We’ll stay best friends after this. No weird feelings or whatever.” You told him to which he nodded in agreement.

“And just please do your best to make my first time good.” You whined.

Bucky craned his neck and stretched out his arms, “Alright, okay. I got this.” He said. “You ready?” He asked you.

You inhaled and let out a long breath, “Yeah, okay let’s do this.”

Bucky started by leaning in, placing a hand on your neck as he did so. You were ready for a kiss but he immediately stopped before you could even close your eyes.

“Do you know how—“

“I’ve made out with guys, Bucky. Jesus christ, I’m not that inexperienced.” You explained before looking at Bucky expectantly, urging him to continue.

“Should we drink again?” he proposed, obviously still feeling awkward.

“Fuck no, I don’t wanna do this drunk. I want to remember my first time, idiot. Can you just...” you groaned. “Just kiss me?” you asked, well, more like commanded.

Bucky apologized before deciding to just go for it. Snaking his hand back to your neck, he leaned in and kisses your lips. He started off slow and gentle, trying to get a feel of how you liked to be kissed. Bucky was definitely weirded out for kissing you, his best friend that he had known since first grade. Surprisingly, you were good at kissing, like really really good and this spurred Bucky to level up by taking your lower lip in between his teeth.

A small whine escaped your parted lips, allowing Bucky to slide his tongue into your mouth. You let out another whimper when you felt his tongue on yours, your hands falling onto Bucky’s thighs for leverage.

Just as when the kiss was starting to get heated, Bucky pulled away slightly before gazing down at your chest.

“Can I touch your boob?” He asked breathlessly.

And there goes the momentum.

“Oh my god, Bucky. You sound like a fucking virgin. And that’s coming from me, an actual virgin.” You said with disappointment.

“I’m sorry! It’s just... it’s not that I find you unattractive. You’re my best friend and I just don’t want to disrespect you!” He reasoned out.

As much as you wanted to get annoyed, you found Bucky really sweet for considering that. But good god, you’ve been wanting to get fucked and respect was the last thing on your mind right now.

“By all means, Bucky...please disrespect me and fuck me because my pussy’s been wet since this morning and I’m about to explode if you still don’t do anything.” You said exasperatedly.

Your vulgar words were all that Bucky needed because as soon you were done complaining, he wasted no time to grab your face to kiss you. This time, it was all teeth and tongue and you weren’t complaining. This was the kind of performance that you were expecting from Bucky and finally he was giving it to you.

One of his hands moved to cradle your head while his other slide down to your waist, moving you to straddle his lap as he sat on his bed. You let out a soft squeal when you felt the tent in his pants rub against your crotch, causing you to grab onto Bucky’s wide shoulders.

“Fuck, you’re already hard.” You panted against Bucky’s lips.

“Yeah well, I just realized you aren’t wearing a bra.” He responded before fisting the hem of your shirt, bunching it up until you lifted your arms up so he could remove it.

Bucky wasted no time to bend forward, taking a nipple into his mouth making you moan out loud.

“Hoooly fuck, Bucky. That feels so good.” You pant, pushing your breasts forward as you thread your fingers into Bucky’s hair.

Your body trembled from pleasure as Bucky continued to lap at your breast, his hand coming up to palm the other before tweaking your nipple in between his thumb and index finger. Unknowingly, you started rutting your hips against Bucky’s crotch, seeking friction to relieve the growing throb in your core.

Bucky lifted you up off from him and laid you down on his bed as he left kisses from your neck down to the valley of your breasts until he reached your stomach. He unzipped your shorts and pulled it down together with your soaked underwear, groaning at the sight of your glistening pussy.

“Fuuuccckkk...” he rasped out, nipping the insides of your thighs as he pressed them down with his palms, opening you up to him.

“Have you ever been eaten out?” He asked, nudging his nose onto the skin of your bikini line.

You swallowed hard and shook your head, chest heaving as you anticipated for Bucky’s next move. “No.” You answered breathily and threw an arm over your eyes.

“Hold tight.” It was the last thing your brain was able to comprehend because Bucky immediately licked your entrance up until he reached your clit, circling it with the tip of his tongue making your toes curl.

“Ohhhh my god...” you moaned, your back involuntarily arching from the bed.

You felt Bucky’s lips curl into a smirk against your sensitive folds, almost wanting to smack his head for his cockiness. But then again, this was the reason why you wanted your first time to be with him. You’ve heard your friends share stories about how their first time went and majority ended up being either a huge let down or downright scary. You didn’t want your first time story to be like theirs so it was only right for you to ask Bucky a favor of a lifetime.

And so far, you weren’t regretting it one bit. Well, save maybe for what could happen afterwards. Whether this would affect your friendship with Bucky but right now, all you could focus on was how his tongue was skillfully fucking your cunt.

Your eyes popped open when you felt a finger prod at your entrance, your hand quickly grabbing Bucky’s wrist to stop him from further pushing a finger in.

“Wait, I’ve never been fingered.” You admitted, bringing your body up and leaning back against your elbows.

Bucky looked up at you and the scene was straight out of those female POV porn you’ve watched. His hair was sticking up in different directions, face in between your legs and his lips glistening with your juices. Your eyes almost rolled back into your head at the sight.

“You mean you never tried fingering yourself?” He asked, turning his head to press an open-mouthed kiss onto your thigh.

You shook your head, “I tried but it kinda hurts?” You told him meekly.

Bucky grinned before crawling up your body until his face was inches away from yours. He pressed a soft kiss on your lips. “Lay back.” He said, voice rough and low, leaving goosebumps in your wake.

Following Bucky’s order, you lay down on his bed and relax as he positioned himself on his side. He began kissing your ear, sucking your lobe as his hand went down to your pussy, spreading your lips open.

“Just relax, okay? Can’t fuck you with my cock just yet, gotta make sure you can take it.” He whispered into your ear.

Bucky started rubbing your pussy, spreading your wetness around before slowly pushing a finger in. You winced in pain, grabbing Bucky’s wrist to slow him down.

“You can take it, just relax.” He coaxed and you nodded, turning your head to kiss him.

Bucky returned the kiss, helping take your mind off of the way he was pushing in his finger until he was knuckle-deep into your pussy. There was a slight sting but bearable enough for you to let him continue with his movements. You felt his finger slide out and then back in with ease, the pain slowly transforming into a different kind of pleasure as he went on. Next thing you know, your hips were already moving to meet Bucky’s finger.

“Gonna add in another one, okay?” He breathed into your lips before biting your lower lip.

“Ow, ow, ow!” You cried out and slapped Bucky’s hand away from your pussy when he tried to insert another finger without even slowing down.

“The fuck, Bucky! Slow down, sweet jesus...” you snapped, frowning when Bucky responded with a chuckle.

“Sorry! I’m losing my patience here, I want to finger fuck you so bad.” He admitted, whispering another apology against your lips.

You relaxed and let Bucky rub your pussy again, gathering your wetness and pushing a finger in. A few more pumps and he carefully inserted another finger, swallowing the whimpers coming out of your mouth.

You stiffened a bit, biting your lip as you tried to ignore the stretch that you were feeling. “You good?” Bucky asked, waiting for you to nod before fully pushing his fingers in.

His movements were slow and careful then, helping you adjust to the stretch of having two of his fingers pump in and out of your pussy. Soon enough, you were moaning against Bucky’s lips as he increased the pace of his fingers. You could hear how wet you were and you never really thought it was possible for you to be this soaked. All the times you touched yourself, you got pretty wet...but not this wet. When Bucky said that he fingered like a god, you laughed at his face but now, fuck. He really wasn’t lying about it.

“Fuck, so tight. Can’t wait to slide my cock into your pussy.” He grunted and moved on top of you, pulling his fingers out making you whine.

He sucked his fingers while maintaining eye contact, making you blush timidly at the lewdness of his action. But god, you were so right for giving Bucky the honor of fucking you because his fingers alone brought you so much pleasure. What more if he actually started to fuck you?

“Gotta fuck you now. I’m so hard I feel like I’m about to bust a nut anytime now.” Bucky said, sitting up to remove his shirt, followed by his jeans.

He was in the process of unzipping his jeans when he suddenly stopped and looked at you, sprawled on the bed looking utterly fucked when he hasn’t even been inside you yet.

“Will you still suck my dick after I make you cum?” He asked hopefully.

You laughed out loud at his question, “You look so worried right now.” You teased. “But yes, fine. I’ll suck your cock later.” You reassured before sitting up to help him remove his pants.

Bucky then slid his boxers off, revealing his cock that you may or may not have seen in the past. It was an accident though and you didn’t meant to barge into his dorm while he was dressing up. You gotta admit, your best friend was blessed with a huge dick. And now said dick, will be the first one to enter your virgin pussy.

“Like what you see?” Bucky teased when he caught you staring as he put on a condom.

You smirked, “Actually I do.”

Bucky licked his lips as he laid on top of you, supporting his weight using his forearms as he positioned himself in between your legs. You kept your eyes on him the entire time, nodding and lifting your head up a bit to press a chaste kiss on his lips.

“Okay, I think I’m ready.” You whispered.

Bucky nodded too and nuzzled his face into your neck, “You sure?” He asked again.

You hummed, “Good luck and don’t fuck it up.”

Bucky lifted his head and looked at you incredulously, “Did you just...”

“Quote RuPaul before having sex for the first time? Yeah, I did.” You quickly answered.

Bucky scrutinized you, “You planned that didn’t you?”

You made a face, “Maybe.” You said, before the both of you broke into huge smiles.

Bucky laughed before kissing you again, “I fucking knew it.” He said before his face turned serious. “Ready?” he asked.

You nodded your head again, taking in deep breath as Bucky reached down to rub his cock against your pussy, making you whine. Kissing you again, Bucky lined up his cock to your entrance, slowly pushing in until you gasped out in pain.

“You wanna keep going?” He asked worriedly, seeing your frown.

You closed your eyes and nodded, “Yeah. Just...just do it slowly.” You said.

Your hands went to grip Bucky’s back, nails digging into his skin as he pushed and pushed, until he was balls deep inside you. The pain wasn’t that bad, but it did feel like you were being torn apart. The veins in Bucky’s neck started to bulge out from the way he was holding himself back.

“Fuck, you’re so tight. Squeezing me so good, I think I’m gonna cum if I move.” He grunted, nosing the skin beneath your ear.

“Please don’t make this embarrassing for both of us.” You said. “You can move now.” You added.

Bucky slid all the way out, leaving the tip inside of you before pushing back in slowly. You let out a moan, both from pain and pleasure. His thrusts started off slow, helping you adjust to his girth and gauging your reaction.

One particular high-pitched moan gave it away. It was at that moment that the pain turned into nothing but pleasure and a few more languid thrusts later, you were chanting Bucky’s name and begging for him to go faster.

You felt so full and you simply couldn’t explain how good it felt getting fucked like this. Bucky kept on whispering praises into your ear, spurring you on as he thrusted in and out of you. The bed started to creak, the headboard hitting the wall as Bucky quickened the pace of his thrusts. You wrapped your legs around his waist, moaning his name as you felt your abdomen tighten. You could feel it coming, an impending orgasm that you’ve only been imagining. Not even your fingers rubbing your clit made you feel this way, like there was electricity running through your veins.

“Bucky, fuck...I think...” you panted, hands sliding down to grab his ass, pulling him further to you.

“Can feel it, can feel you pulsating around my cock.” Bucky panted.

Your body stilled, toes curling and vision blurring when Bucky thrusted into you at a certain angle. Just like that, you let go and moaned out loud as Bucky continued to fuck an orgasm out of you. Biting onto his shoulder, you rode out the remaining waves of your climax before laying your head back onto the pillow, watching Bucky as he followed after you, spilling his seed into the condom after a few more thrusts.

“Holy fucking shit...” he breathed out, letting his body fall onto yours.

There was a moment of silence as the both of you recovered, your pants echoing in the room. Bucky was the first to move, sliding his softening cock out of you and sitting up as he removed the condom. He went into his bathroom and disposed of it before walking back to the bed with a wet wash cloth in his hand.

“Are you still going to suck my dick?” Bucky broke the silence as he casually cleaned you up.

You lifted your head up, “Are you still hard?”

Bucky shrugged, “I can be if you want me to be.”

“I’ll do it tomorrow.” you simply responded.

“So, how did I do?” Bucky asked, continuing to clean you up in between your legs.

You bled a bit, but not to the point of staining his sheets thank god. When you didn’t respond, Bucky worried that you might have regretted this but instead, he found you grinning up at the ceiling like an idiot.

“The fuck you looking like that?” He asked, unable to hold back the smile tugging at his lips.

You laughed and closed your legs, wincing a bit at the soreness but quickly recovering. “I can’t believe we just had sex.” You said.

Bucky set aside the towel and laid back next to you, “I certainly hope I did not fuck that up.” He said.

You turned to your side and smiled at Bucky, “You didn’t. Thanks, Buck.”

There didn’t seem to be any tension nor awkwardness between the both of you after. It was pretty normal actually. After taking a bath, you both decided to order pizza for late dinner. More conversations took place until you both fell asleep on the same bed.

-

A series of knocks stirred you and Bucky awake. He was spooning you when you woke up, his arm wrapped around your waist while his face was pressed on the back of your neck. You thought you were dreaming but the knocks continued and a familiar chorus of voices made you and Bucky sit up in panic.

“James, honey? It’s your mom. Open up!”

You and Bucky looked at each other, “Why the fuck is your mom here?!” You whispered and frantically searched for your clothes.

You slept in one of Bucky’s shirts and a pair of panties and for some reason, you couldn’t find your clothes from last night. Bucky frantically ran around the dorm, grabbing your bag and throwing it under Steve’s bed.

“I don’t know why she’s here! She didn’t text me!” He whispered, checking his phone for any unread messages.

“James, come on now. We want to visit Y/N too so we can all have breakfast together.”

You knew that voice all too well, it was your mom’s! Bucky’s eyes widened when he heard you mom’s voice. He just took away her daughter’s virginity last night, how the hell was he going to look at her in the eyes after that?

Bucky grabbed your arm and pushed you into the bathroom, warning you to stay quiet. You were about to protest but Bucky quickly slammed the door shut. Pressing an ear against it, you listened as Bucky hurried over to the front door, opening it.

“Mom!” You heard him say before greeting your mom.

“Sweetie, did you just wake up? You look like a mess.” His mom said.

“What are you guys doing here?” Bucky asked nervously.

There were a few movements that were too near the bathroom, you almost readied yourself for a grand reveal. Fortunately, Bucky seemed to have blocked the bathroom and tried to distract his mom.

“Well, we thought of surprising you and Y/N. We missed you both. Go get dressed so we can pick her up from her dorm.” You heard your mom say.

“Ohhh I uhh...why don’t you both head out first and I can go pick her up? We’ll just meet you both somewhere.” Bucky suggested.

“Oh sweetie, I wanted to surprise my daughter at her dorm.” Your mom said.

Fuck. You were so fucked. Your mom’s gonna find out that you’re no longer a virgin and that it was Bucky who took it. The same guy she entrusted you to upon moving out for college.

“Oh don’t worry, I won’t tell her we’ll be meeting you. She’s uhh...I think she might have slept over at a friend’s actually. To do a project. So she might not be at her dorm. I’ll just pick her up.” Bucky quickly explained.

Sleepover at a friend’s? That wasn’t entirely a lie. The project? Well, the task of giving up your v-card could be considered a project. So no, Bucky wasn’t lying to your mom at all.

Silence. A few more shuffling and movements here and there. You heard the front door creak. Finally.

“Oh alright, James. We’ll go ahead. Meet us at the new breakfast place two blocks away from the university, okay?” His mom said.

You heaved out a sigh of relief.

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll be there.” Bucky said and from the sounds of it, he seemed to be pushing both your moms out of his room.

“Make sure to pick Y/N up. I know she tends to skip out on our breakfast dates. Make sure that she’ll come, James.” Your mom warned.

True enough, you tended to bail out on your mom’s breakfast dates. Not because you don’t miss her, but because it was too early! You’ve turned her down a couple of times now so you knew what she meant. But Bucky, god. He just had to make everything into a double entendre.

And without shame, he looked into your mom’s eyes and offered her a charming grin as if he wasn’t balls deep inside her virgin daughter last night.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure she does. I’ll make her come.”

-

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