#so i read this fic and now i am an absolute sobbing mess

[chocolate-cream-soldier]

Ficcity feels!

[hollywoodxwhore]

Ours | Chapter 13

Colson x Presley (Original Female Character)

Synopsis: Presley and Colson fell in love accidentally, but they were meant to be. Now that all the obstacles have been removed, they're moving in together in LA. Now, they have all the time in the world for Colson to teach Presley all of the things he knows. This fic is the sequel to Mine, which can be found in my masterlist!

Warnings/Content: shit's about to get real so PLEASE READ THE CONTENT WARNINGS!!! Almost suicide attempt, panic attacks, suicidal ideation/discussion, Big Fucking Sad (I'm serious y'all, it's sad as fuck), swearing, mentions of guns and pills, hospital trip

PLEASE take care of yourself and skip this if you think it's going to be triggering. Without giving too much away, there are pretty graphic descriptions of thoughts leading up to an almost suicide attempt. I promise if you skip this chapter it won't mess up the plot too much for you. I love y'all.

Colson

Presley isn’t answering me.

I’ve called about a thousand times and sent twice as many texts. Nothing. Her phone is on do not disturb. I get that she needs space, but the state of my mental health is scary right now and I’m not thinking perfectly logically. In the forefront of my mind is a voice telling me that she’s done with me, that this is just too much to handle and that she’s going to leave. That she’s already left.

As it nears the evening and she still hasn’t reached out, my panic reaches new heights. I call her once more, praying that she’ll answer, but it goes straight to voicemail. I try to control my shaky breathing as I prepare to leave a message. I haven’t left any voicemails but maybe if she hears my voice, she’ll realize how sorry I am.

“Pres,” I say, and instantly, my throat is thick with emotion as more tears spill from my eyes. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight and I had no right to talk to you that way. Please come home, baby. Please. I need you.” I pause for a second, then hang up just in time for a sob to rip itself from my chest. I let the phone clatter onto the island as I drop my head into my hands. 

I pick up the phone and call Ashleigh. It rings several times, then goes to voicemail. Slim, too. When it happens with Rook, a cold fear causes sweat to prickle on my skin. They’re all ignoring me. I’ve fucked up too badly this time. I jump to my feet and pace. My hands are damp with sweat and shaking like crazy. My breath is shallow and my stomach is in knots. 

“Fuck,” I whimper, tearing my hands through my hair. What am I going to do? Everyone thinks I’m an abuser. Everyone I love is going to turn on me. I’m going to lose Presley, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. The abuse allegations are going to ruin my career.

What do I have left?

Absolutely fucking nothing.

I’ve struggled with my mental health for…pretty much my entire life. I can remember feeling overwhelmingly sad, even as a young kid, even before my mom left and my dad went off the deep end. It got worse when my mom left, of course. My abandonment issues started there, at the ripe age of nine. And then my dad completely changed. The abuse started and the loving father I knew was just…gone. 

I have great friends. I have an insanely perfect wife. My mom is back in my life. But do they want to be in my life? Do they want to be friends or family with someone whose mental state is so precarious? A tortured artist with mood swings and allegations up to his fucking eyeballs. If I were no longer in their lives…would they care? And if they did care, wouldn’t they be able to get over it?

Would it really matter if I was gone? 

I own guns. Several. A shotgun just because I thought it was cool, a couple of handguns. They’re all locked in a safe and haven’t been removed for years now other than to be cleaned. My hands twitch at my sides. Then, I shake my head. Presley would be the one to find me, and even if she’s done with me, I can’t do that to her.

But what if I take some pills and just…fall asleep? Never wake up? That won’t leave a mess. 

What if I send a text to someone else so they find me first? I can leave the door unlocked and they’ll find me. Presley won’t have to. 

Suddenly, I’m numb. The tears dry up and my hands stop trembling, and a wave of calm washes over me. I always knew I’d die young, I just didn’t know when. Everything is screaming at me that it’s now. This is when I leave. 

I grab a fifth of Jack Daniels from the fridge, then go to our medicine cabinet and gather what I need. But then, a sound makes me freeze. A knock on the door. I blink and try to focus, wondering if it’s all in my head. But then another knock sounds. I swallow hard and put my supplies back. I wipe sweaty hands on my legs and then wipe my face. I know I look like hell, and I have no idea who’s at the door. Hell, it could be cops coming to arrest me for domestic abuse charges. Longingly, I look at the cabinet, but another knock shakes me out of it and I hurry to the door.

I look through the peephole and my heart jumps into my throat when I see that it’s Cash. It may not be Presley, but it is her twin, and it is the person whose house she slept at last night. I open the door quickly and Cash immediately analyzes me. We don’t even say anything to each other as he studies me. “Hey,” he says quietly, eyes narrowing slightly. “You’re…not okay, are you?”

It’s less of a question and more of a statement. Still, I hang my head and then shake it, throat tightening once again with the threat of tears. Cash sighs and steps into the house, shutting the door behind him. He kicks off his shoes and steps forward, and then he’s hugging me. 

Cash and I are close. He’s my brother in law, and despite what happened in the past, I’m happy to give him the title of my brother. But we’re not hug-while-we’re-crying-and-falling-apart close. Still, I sink into the embrace. A deluge of tears flows onto my cheeks and all of a sudden, I’m not just crying, I’m having a full-blown panic attack.

I can vaguely hear Cash saying my name but my ears are ringing too loud for me to be sure. My whole body has gone numb and tingly; I can’t feel any of my limbs which only makes me panic more. My knees give out and I fall to the floor, but Cash stays wrapped around me. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but they’re words of comfort. I’ve never lost it quite this badly in front of someone before, and I find myself glad that it isn’t Presley, or even Slim or Ash. Cash has known me the least amount of time and for some reason, it’s easier to break down in front of him.

“...Colson. Colson!” I’m so stunned by the fact that he’s calling me Colson and not Kells that I snap out of my attack, just a little. The ringing in my ears intensifies and then eases up, which makes me feel like I can breathe again. Slowly, the numbness fades but the tingles stay, and all of a sudden, I’m shaking like a leaf. But at least I’m breathing again and I can focus on Cash.

“Deep breaths, brother. C’mon,” he soothes, and I understand why he and Presley are so close. He’s great at this whole comfort thing. I do as I'm told, even though my breaths are shaky and ragged at first. But Cash continues to sit with me, his arms wrapped around me, my body leaning on his, and we breathe together. 

I have no idea how long we’re sitting on the floor before Cash takes a final deep breath and lets out a little chuckle. “Jesus. You scared me for a second,” he mutters, and the calmness in his voice makes me realize how trivial this all feels. Megan told a straight up lie. I didn’t even do anything wrong. The only thing I did wrong was to take it out on Presley. And all because she left I was going to, what, kill myself? Jesus Christ. 

When I realize that I would’ve gone through with that stupid decision if Cash hadn’t shown up, I start to tremble all over again. I let out a pathetic whimper. Even though it would’ve been self-inflicted, the near-death experience brings a rush of adrenaline into my body. But Cash brings me back with his soothing but firm voice.

“Hey,” he says. “What is going on? You need to talk to me, Kells.”

“I-I w-w-was g-going to–” My voice is trembling too hard for me to make out the words. Cash shushes me and rocks me a little, and the gesture is surprisingly soothing. It takes me back to childhood or something. 

“Breathe,” he murmurs. “You were going to what?”

“K-kill myself,” I finally manage, my voice totally miserable. 

I feel Cash go tense but slowly, it eases, as if he’s purposefully making himself relax. “How?” he asks.

“Pills,” I sob. “Jack.”

“Did you take anything?” he asks, voice a little higher with panic, but I quickly shake my head.

“I had the fuckin’ bottles i-in hand,” I hiccup, “when you knocked on the door. Jesus Christ, Cash. If you hadn’t shown up…”

“God dammit, Colson,” Cash says thickly. “You’re my fucking brother. God dammit.” He squeezes me tighter and takes a steadying breath. “We need to go somewhere. We need to take you to the ER.”

“B-but I didn’t–”

“Only because I showed up,” Cash interrupts. “If I hadn’t shown up, you’d be…you’d be….” His voice tapers off and he shakes his head. “That’s too close for comfort, man. Please. Just…for me?”

It’s really the least I can do, knowing that Cash is the sole reason I’m alive. Besides, he’s right. That was way too close for comfort. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts like that in forever. It’s scary just how close I was to following through. Hesitantly, I nod, and the breath leaves Cash’s lungs in a relieved whoosh.

“Okay. Come on, brother,” he murmurs, pulling me up. “Let’s go.”

I hate the idea of being "famous." I hate when people use their fame to get special treatment. As much as I love the luxury of private jets and expensive restaurants and being able to travel anywhere in the world, I try my best not to take advantage of my name. 

But I’m not complaining about the privacy I receive at the emergency room.

We’re able to check in over the phone and wait in our car. I walk through a door in a secluded part of the hospital so no one sees me, aside from the staff. I’m whisked right into a room and treated immediately. It makes me sad knowing that there are other people waiting, but at the same time, I was at risk for dying tonight.

A woman in a white coat slips into my room and smiles warmly at me. “Mr. Baker?” she asks, and I nod. “I’m Dr. Schultz. Thank you for your patience.”

I barely had to wait. Still, I nod and smile politely.

Dr. Schultz studies me for a second. “Honey, I want you to know that you’re safe here,” she says. Her voice is warm and calm and instantly, I feel soothed. “We’re going to take care of you. Okay? I just need you to be honest with me.”

“Got it,” I croak. 

Dr. Schultz pats my hand and smiles softly. “Okay. Tell me what happened.”

From there, I walk Dr. Schultz through the bullshit that has been my life recently. She listens intently, never once rushing me through the evaluation. After I explain what happened, we go through my medical history, medications I’m on, whether or not I’m drinking and taking drugs, and what diagnoses I have. I’m exhausted by the time we’ve talked everything out.

Dr. Schultz closes her notebook and clicks her pen closed. “Colson, I would like you to stay overnight,” she says. “Since you and your partner are in an argument and you’re not sure if she’ll be home tonight, it would give me some peace of mind if you would stay here overnight. I know you’ve been having trouble sleeping and we can give you something that will help.”

I nod, feeling relieved that I don’t have to go home to an empty house. Even though I scared the shit out of myself and feel like I’ll never even come close to suicidal thoughts again, I agree with the doctor. Staying overnight would give me peace of mind, too.

I’m set up in a room shortly after, and I text Cash letting him know what’s going on. He assures me that he’ll be here in the morning to pick me up, and he asks if I need anything from home. I don’t want to burden him more, so I tell him I don’t need anything. Then, I silence my phone and set it aside. 

My sleeping medication is administered soon after I settle in. All I want is to talk to Presley, but she needs time, and that’s okay. For now, I just want to sleep, and thanks to the medication and the doctor, I do.

Taglist: @triplexdoublex@jaxbreaker@mgklove99xx@jinx-on-mars-19xx@iamnotanearthlingmotherfucker@anonymousme86@whiteleoqueen@feroniakutenpuu@hxllywoodwhxree

[eirianerisdar]

(!) anon here. now that I have calmed somewhat (but not really because I’m not normal about Icarus) First of all, I want to say that I love this fic very much and it has made me tear up, scream, sob, laugh and just feel very much. It absolutely lives rent free in my mind. I’m amazed and I want to thank you (and your twin) for this amazing work. I’m sort of afraid to re-read it because the emotional damage, but at the same time… it’s so, so good. So yeah, thank you both.

I really like the voice of the characters and the cadence of your writing. I get this feeling of watching a slow-motion crash, and how I want to scream. Also, it’s very human, messy, and visceral. And I have feelings. Charles and Carlos? I’m dying for the outtake. Jenson? Like, before of this fic I didn’t knew much (I don’t watch Sky. I’m form Latin América, and I watch the regional broadcast form) but now I will die for him. Lando becoming flock with Daniel (and I imagine that it may be out of the scope of this fic but I worry/wonder about Lando and Oscar for 2023 season). Yuki? Pierre? Love them so very much.   

It’s amazing how you blend like these media/social media bits that gives the story… this sort of flavour. Makes it a fuller. One of my favourite parts of this is the thing with Seb colleting Daniel’s feathers and how a photo of a fan passing a feather becomes photo of the year. Made me cry a little, and it makes the world seem more real. Also, I really, really love the lore/word building around the wings and how everything works. The subtle changes to accommodate feathers, flight, and flock, amazing. I wanted to ask, what type of wings would you have? The same as your twin?

And yeah. Just. I have feelings.

eMOtionAL DAMage

No but seriously thank you so much! The recent comments and feedback I've been getting for Icarus have been amazing, especially in the past few chapters.

I started out planning this fic mostly around Maxiel but the more I fleshed out the plot the more I realised I had to include most of the grid. Charlos have such a huge role to play and though a lot of it is covered in the outtakes, we'll see development and resolution of their subplot in the upcoming latter stages of the main story too.

Jenson is basically the darling of the older grid (he's flock with so many of them) and I am literally vibrating in excitement thinking about finally addressing the Princess Cake/brocedes/slagclaren (I still can't believe that's the phrase for Lewis and Jenson) mess that we saw a few chapters earlier.

And Lando and Oscar will feature a little bit, towards the end of the fic. I have a specific scene planned out that makes me snort whenever I think of it.

Thank so so much for your lovely comment <3 Readers like you make writing so worth it xoxo

Edit: Forgot to mention I'd probably have oriental magpie-robin wings! Waffles hasn't chosen her wings yet, so I unfortunately don't know what wings she would have.

[justagalwhowrites]

Did my dumb ass step on a rusty nail and have to go to urgent care for a tetanus shot? Yes. Did I decide to read chapter 31 of Yearling while in the waiting room and cry so hard people were looking at me like I was insane? Absolutely!

Oh my god!! That chapter was sooooo good. I'm a baby and tear up over everything but there are very few authors can make me a sobbing mess like you just did. You are an amazing storyteller!

Not to trauma dump or anything but my dad was murdered when I was 10 and I'm a suicide attempt survivor. So this chapter hit me really fucking hard. I completely understand Ellie's rage and to be honest I felt the same way. I wanted to make that person feel everything they put us through. It was a lot to work though so reading that and then him seeing Ellie. Oh, my heart almost couldn't handle it.

That’s where he was supposed to be. He knew that now. He was always supposed to live. He was always supposed to flinch.

That is my favorite line of not only this chapter but the entire fic! I've often wondered why it didn't work and why I'm still here. I just needed to read that! I am still crying over this!

Thank you for being here and writing such beautiful stories!

OMG Love ❤️

I really hope you're doing OK after you STEPPED ON A NAIL!!! I'm sure you'll be fine but I'm thinking of you!!!

OMG I'm both so sorry for making you sob but also so proud that I could (which sounds awful I promise it's not meant to be mean!!!) I cried when writing and editing this chapter, it was a hard one to get through. I'm so glad that it's touching other people, too.

I'm so sorry that you can identify with Ellie here. That sounds so impossibly hard and I don't blame you for feeling that same way, I wouldn't even know where to begin in that scenario. It makes so much sense to want to hurt the people who hurt you so badly.

While I'm so sorry that you had a reason to connect with that part of Joel's story, I'm so glad you were able to process and work through some of the pain you feel around your own experiences with this story. It's so easy to get lost in looking for purpose and reason when, in reality, it's right in front of us in the every day things. I think that's a big lesson in TLOU actually. Ellie, who thought she was destined (doomed?) to save the world being saved herself by someone who just wanted her to have a chance to experience those small things because they matter so very much. And you matter so very much and I'm so happy you're still here.

Thank you for sharing, thank you for reading, thank you for flinching. I'm here if you ever need to talk ❤️

Love you ❤️

[eternalmomentss]

Just wanted to stop in and say wow. Your writing incredible. I’ve read all of your Persona 5 fics (except for the childhood Akechi one.. still emotionally and mentally preparing for that..) and I’m blown away with each and every one. Especially Like Sand Between Your Fingers, of course. I speedran reading that in 3 days and my lord I was and still am an absolute MESS over it (SO MANY TEARS SHED.. FULL ON SOBBING MAN.) Your ideas, character portrayals, and interpretations are marvelous. It truly feels like it could be content from the game! You’re definitely my favorite ao3 author. I’ve found that no other can quite match your perfect, true-to-media characterization and plot. In LSBYF, every challenge presented in Shido’s palace was so well-thought and was really entertaining to read! I was so captivated by your story that it was hard to peel myself away from the fic. I have so many thoughts regarding LSBYF, I could honestly write a whole essay on it. I also really enjoyed your Ann and Akechi fic! Again, characterization was on point and the lighthearted moments were so warm.

I’ve been reading fanfic for a few years now and I’ve never felt so moved to the point where I wanted to personally commend the author. I see you haven’t been too active, but if you are planning on writing more Persona fics, I’ll be first in line to read. I hope you have a good day/night/whatever time it is!

Oh my god. Hi. Hang on, I just need to wipe away the puddle that is my heart on the floor...

Seriously, thank you. Thank you so much for this heartfelt, beautiful message. Honestly, you just reminded me of why I love being a writer and publishing my work. It's for people like you, it's to make you happy and see the result of it. I just cannot put into words how much your words mean to me.

Hearing someone say my characterization is close to in-media and my plot very good makes me wanna do a backflip out the window, it's so surreal. It makes me actually feel proud of what I do. People like you make me continue to love my hobby. That's magical, so, yeah - thank you.

I do have more story planned, even have it all mapped out. But I have been stuck in a little block at the moment, with some other things going on. I do wanna write that sequel though, it is in the works (early stages, but we are there).

Again, all I can say is thank you. I really, REALLY appreciate you and your words. Favourite ao3 author? That is - unbelievably high praise, I just can't believe it. Thank you. Really, thank you.

I hope you continue to be the kind human being that you are and have a wonderful timezone! <3

[narcissa-black-supermacy]

Look, I don't want drama. So keep the other one in the drafts.

But! Top 5 memri memes, AND top 5 prongsfoot tropes

Top 5 Prongsfoot tropes:

James Somehow Comes Back from the Dead. Always. no matter the setting. I eat that up every time. especially when it's with Sirius still convicted or freshly out of Azkaban or stuck in 12GP and then James shows up and he's like "????" and just puts everyone back in place for the way they're treating him and Harry. just. nngggghhhhhh. delicious stuff. @gracelesslady23 has a fic like that that i'm reading rn and its just.....chefs kisses.

Post-Death Reunion. tears. pain. apologies. sirius finally letting himself fall apart in his arms after staying so strong for so long against all of it. both of them. just. full on sobbing and holding each other.

Toxic unhealthily codependent relationship. just.... i adORE that. like the legendary Pioneers that i won't shut up about and On Fire, But We Can't Feel A Thing by @benjamin-ovich that i am absolutely insanely in love with. it just sits so well on them. and the more messy it is, the more i love it.

Getting back together. just...my absolute favourite trope for anything. the bittersweet tenderness of re-learning each other. the care that's still there despite the pain and the hurt of what happened. the fear of messing it up again, of not being able to fix it. the cautious touches. still remembering all the small details like how the other likes his tea/coffee/etc. my heart can not take.

drugs. apparently. that's a thing now thanks to Holli's (sadly yet unpublished) drug thing. drug addict sirius. nngghhhhh. also. goes hand in hand w the toxic unhealthy relationship and this general dynamic of like. sirius always trying to push good things away from him to prevent the inevitable bc he knows that good things eventually get taken from him. and james' hero/saviour complex and his need to be NEEDED to feel like he matters. i am gonna stop before i tear up again.

OKAY TOP 5 MEMRI MEMES LETS GO (under the cut; cw for misogyny, america hate and fr*nch)

the fr*nch one, obvsly (full version this time):

2. the three magical words:

3. priorities.png:

4. women these days:

5. friendship(tm):

runner ups:

[daisynik7]

WIFEY! i woke up rolling off my bed and landed on a back scratcher that was on my floor and now there’s a dent in my knee LMAO. your wife is not only a sleepy, silly girlie, she’s also a clumsy girlie. i’ve also been incessantly crying over your messages it’s fine 🥲

but i’m sorry to hear about that, i’m glad to hear it was almost and not did get into a car accident, even then i don’t know if you suffered from whiplash or anything but as long as you're safe and unharmed, i’m happy. i do feel bad for the person who randomly broke down, especially on the freeway, hope they’re ok too :( 

i have family that lived in the midwest and can attest to how brutal the cold and snow is, and yes driving must’ve been an absolute nightmare! another reminder to my snookums to stay warm on all fronts bundled up, and eat warm foods (soup!!!!!!) 🥰

AND THANK YOU for hosting the swap and for your recs! given your impeccable tastes i know i will enjoy them thoroughly, and i can’t get over how well-detailed your descriptions of each and why you love them, i’m excited to read them! 

i have to say one thing i’ve always loved about your fic reblogs is your in-depth analysis i.e. the screenshots and highlights of particular excerpts that stood out to you and loved, there’s truly no one like you 🥹 and for you to that to something i wrote??? I’M HONOURED, AND I’M SOFT NOBODY TOUCH ME I’M A SOBBING MESS wait no please hug me 😭 i am absolutely in love with your love and care for others, and that has shown in your feedback to others and your check-ins, thank you for your sweet words and support <3

as i’m typing this i just got your message, (don’t feel pressured to respond to this!) do as you please, i’m honoured, thank you for the follow!!! <3 and once again thank you for your sweet words on How It’ll Be, i’m shrieking!

 i hope the rest of your week is productive and your weekend is well spent and restful! i’m so proud of you!!!! in the meantime, i’m sending you all my love, all my kisses, all my hugs, and cuddles 🤍🤍🤍

also, my internet is being a little silly billy so i don't know if this message was sent the first time, i'm hoping not 🫠

lastly, i’d like to inform you that you have permanent residence in a very special place in my heart where I have you safely tucked in and you are not allowed to leave (there are snacks, i promise) 🫢 in all seriousness, hope you’ve had a wonderful day and night and i love you endlessly my darling wife, treat yourself kindly, always! 🥰

my sleepy, silly, clumsy, beautiful wifey! I'm sorry your rolled off your bed, but I'm assuming it's because you had such a pleasant dream, so I hope it was at least worth it. and if not, I'm kissing the little dent on your knee to heal it if it isn't fully healed already!

I'm totally safe from the near accident, it sounds more dramatic than I'm making it sound and the person who stopped seemed to be fine physically. hoping they were able to move to safer location and get their car fixed because it didn't seem like anything was wrong (which is good).

thank you for participating in the fic swap! I still have yet to read the rest of the fics you recommended, been a busy and distracted girl this week, but they are still on my radar and I'm very excited!

I try to leave more in-depth comments whenever I can just because I feel like I can better express myself doing that instead of spamming the tags LOL. I got inspired by another mutual I have on here who does it often, so I can't take credit for it! I just want to show how much I appreciate the writers on here because I feel like we (as a Tumblr community) don't do that enough!

I never want to leave this safe space I have in your heart! 🥹 I am the most cozy and comfortable there and I'm not leaving for anything (so you better get used to me lol). I love you so so dearly my snookums, always thinking of you even when I'm away! I hope you had a relaxing and/or productive weekend and that these last few weeks of 2023 go by smoothly. love you so much thea ♥️

[fagdykemuppet]

sawyer breaks down and doesn't know how to cope with emotions the musical the movie the fic

wc: 1353

relationship: sera/sawyer (oc/canon)

tags: hurt/comfort, alcohol mention, sera POV (3rd person)

summary: sawyer isn't as put together as he comes off. sometimes he needs to break down.

notes: thank you to the slasher u discord (mainly JJ, basil, and kel) for inspiring me and letting me bounce ideas off of them

(under the cut)

theatre meant late nights. lots of reading, lots of writing, lots of drawing, lots of… a lot. if time wasn't spent in the theater itself; it was time spent researching and perfecting. so of course serafin was up at 3 am, and of course it saw the lengthy text sawyer sent it. the notification flashed across its phone and it could tell without more than a glance it was at the very least a paragraph long. it thought nothing of it; late night rambles weren't uncommon between the two of them, more often than not they were both up, exhausted from school and work, chipping away at things they needed to get done, and needing an outlet to throw any late night thoughts at. it clicked its tounge as it wrapped up the line of dialouge it was writing, finally pleased with the direction the script was going, and picked up its phone.

before it could really get a grasp of what was going on, its eyes darted to the most recent texts.

“fuck… Sera i'm so sorry i don't know why i sent all of that.“ ”Shit, i'm sorry i'm tipsy. had too mcuh to drink. disregard all fo that.“

it immedtiately scrolled up and read through the wall of text he had sent only five minutes prior. lines upon lines about lonliness, and fear, and dread, and emptiness… things that twisted its heart into knots. quickly, it texts back:

”hey, get your ass over here, now. i wanna make sure youre safe.”

it paused a moment, before shooting off another text:

“if you dont come over im dragging you over. please”

sera anxiously stared at its phone; praying to whatever was out there that he'd actually respond and it didn't have to find god knows where he is right now. right when it was started to put its shoes on, the screen lit up.

“alright.”

it figeted with its hands as it waited for sawyer. its never seen him like this. he doesn't usually drink like this. it let out a deep sigh, flinching a bit when it heard a knock at its door. that had to be sawyer. the only other person it could be is tate- fuck please don't let it be tate. not this time. it almost tripped getting to the door, opening it to a dishevled sawyer. his hair messed, his mask more on the side of his head than anything, the bags under his eyes more pronounced than usual… he looked a mess already.

he tried to force a smile, trying to force himself to not absolutely fall apart at the seams. ”i'm here, i…“ his voice cracked and he clamped his mouth shut. ”what did…“ his voice trailed off as he started to shake. ”can… can i come in?“ his voice was soft.

”fuck, yes of course you can come in, come here.“ sera immediately grabbed for sawyer's arm, carefully guiding him inside. he felt like he was going to break at any moment. it dragged him to one of the couches, sitting him down. it went to grab him some water, and by the time it came back he was curled up in on himself.

”don't… don't look at me, ser.“ he took a deep breath when it sat next to him, placing the water on the table. ”i… i'm a fucking mess right now.“ his voice was strained, his body shaking as he holds back sobs.

”hey, hey it's okay. i didn't invite you here to judge you…“ sera softly put a hand on his shoulder. ”i saw the texts. i'm just looking out for you, love.“

he let in a shaky breath. ”i shouldn't have even sent those is the thing!“

”why not? you need to get shit off your chest too.“

”because!“ he looked up at the other. ”because i'm supposed to… to be put together,” his voice was wet. “i… i'm not supposed to be the one that's needing to be taken care of! i'm supposed to be… strong. i'm studying to be a lawyer for fucks sake.” he wiped one of his eyes. “i'm not… i'm not supposed to drink until i feel sick like this.”

“oh, honey…” sera put its arms around him, pulling him in close. “you're allowed to be weak too, y'know.” it spoke into the top of his head.

and that seemed to be enough to set him off.

he started shaking hard, clinging onto the other man* as well as he could. he let out strained sobs, like he desperately wanted to keep them in but his body wouldn't let him. they were sad, wet, loud sounds as he wailed into its chest. sera held onto him close. one hand rubbing his back, another petting his hair. soft comforting murmers being whispered as his nails dug into its back. it didn't know him to cry like this.

it didn't know him to cry at all. months, possibly even years, of repressed emotions being unfurled all at once into its chest. and it couldn't help but wonder; what was his breaking point?

was it mike? that bastard? finally saying something that got under his skin in just the right way? did he fail something that he expected to do well on- the straw that broke the camels back? or was it family related. it struck it in that moment that it barely knew anything about his family despite them having been together for almost 6 months at this point, and known each other even longer. was this deliberate? though, he barely knew anything about its so it couldn't be the one to judge. this was, however, a can of worms for another time.

“i'm… i'm sorry,“ he managed to choke out in between sobs after a while.

”what are you sorry for?“

”all of…“ he pulled away, ”all of this!“ his voice cracked as he motioned to himself. sera's heart twisted at sawyer's fact, his cheeks wet with tears and eyes red and puffy. ”i shouldn't…“ he cut himself off with another sob and curled up on himself. ”all of this because i got too stressed. i should… be able to handle myself.”

“sawyer. look at me.” sera took his face in its hands, forcing him to look up at it, and carefully wiped some of the tears away. “you're allowed to cry for fucks sake. you're allowed to feel things. this isn't something that's barred from you. being stressed is a reasonable time to cry.” it rested its forehead on his. his face twisted a bit as he tried to hold back more tears.

they sat there for a few more moments before sawyer wrapped his arms around it and buried his face into the crook of its neck, soft sobs continuing to escape him. it knew that it was more than stress that upset him. knowing sawyer there was more to this. but it didn't pry. that was a conversation for the morning.

when he lifted his head up again, shifting where his head simply rested on its shoulder, sera leaned over to grab the cup of water it had gotten earlier. he made a soft noise of protest, his grip on it tightening a bit, before relaxing again. he muttered something under his breath (sera thought it heard him say sorry, but for his sake it pretended it didn't). it brought the glass to his lips, and he was too tired to protest. exhaustion painted his face as he drank from the glass, closing his eyes when he was done. ”thank you…“ his voice was hoarse.

”mhm, anything for you.“ it spoke into his hair. ”do you want to stay the night?“

a soft nod. ”please…“

”it'll be a bit cramped but we can make it work.“ it softly laughed as it pressed a few kisses to the top of his head. ”you're safe with me, i promise.“

[thekuraning]

34 and 50!

what are your current obsessions?

34 - Time I succeeded

DAMN well ok uhhhh I was top 10 internationally during the DigiCon 2022 vital lab raid!! But I can't prove it since the app shut down. I was proud of that one, though!

My favorite lasting success that I can prove is the first time I finished a longfic, which was called Slowpoke Tails and Koffing Fumes that I posted to FFnet. It's... not very good!! In fact, reading it now I cringe a lot! But it's my favorite because in a time when my life was very rocky and very close to uhhh aliven't-ing, it was a goal I set for myself that kept me keeping on. It's very silly!! And maybe has a few edgelordy moments, but mostly just silly! I am very proud of this shiny little trash bag!

50 - current obsessions

*knocks politely on your door* Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Guzmamore? *wedges my foot inside so you can't close it* listen i was skeptical too ok I was SO SKEPTICAL ok so last april??? I was just hanging around on pinterest, as you do, when I stumbled across this art by Alcka (who is an absolutely lovely artist btw and they have more guzmamore art) and let me tell you something my friend it ACTIVATED something in me and i am about to go on a very long rambling rant about this so im gonna put it under the cut ok??

SO LISSEN OKAY JUST LISSEN im crying im sobbing I used to have a Team Rocket!Sycamore RP blog back in 2013/14ish and I used to play Guzma briefly in Wild Encounters and I thought I had packaged them up and put them in the closet under the shoes but I saw that one piece of art (WHICH SYCAMORE TECHNCIALLY IS NOT EVEN IN!!!) and I became absolutely F E R A L about them overnight like it was supposed to be silly it was supposed to be hahaha and then like a one shot where they kept running into each other on Melemele and went on a silly little date but YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THEM SO MANY

Because as silly as it WAS once I started writing Turning Point I started kind of like finding this vibe between them??

Like on the one hand you have Guzma who has problems with authority and mommy issues and probably daddy issues too who makes a point not to rely on other people but will fall in line for anyone who gives him a pat on the head

On the other hand you have Augustine whose best friend/lover just died catastrophically but not only that who betrayed him and stabbed him in the back so thoroughly and also he had to give you a medal and a parade for getting lysandre killed like Augustine too has issues no matter what backstory you give him just based on XY alone if the man did not start with issues the man has developed issues

And like to make matters WORSE the headcanons I developed for them completely separately during the times I played either of them ALSO kind of started to vibe? idk idk just each of their dispositions like augustine being a feral little freak and guzma being kind of sturdy and down-to-earth when he's not a seething mess they just started to balance each other out and suddenly i had a finished fic and i couldn't get them out of my head and now somehow i have 4 more long fics in planning mode for these two idiots i just hhhHHHHHHH i cant get over them i love them too much the rarest of my pairs

also i have recently become obsessed with the idea of making pokemon character muppets

[ciaossu-imagines]

Sure thing 💕 And don’t worry about it sounding silly, it’s how you feel and that’s what’s important. And you are absolutely succeeding. I love brutal honesty when it comes down to stuff like that. I’m looking forward to reading those stories when you also post them. Especially the Bandō story and Ever Young because the Bandō story left on such a cliffhanger and I’m intrigued about everything that will happen in the Ever Young story. And that paranormal investigation team sounds interesting. Do you think you’ll continue it one day? And I’m really glad you’re getting happier by the day because you absolutely deserve that, no matter what. You’re not. Though I actually don’t tend to stop and just continue writing it. Like when I did that horrible thing at the beginning of my last arc, I was crying my eyes out while writing everything since I was in the flow, knew what I wanted to write and don’t want to stop it. Though there have been other times where I’m fangirling because of something that’s happening in my story and then I do stop to calm myself down 😅 Yeah. I generally reread my stories at least once before I post them but because this one is so long and it means a lot to me, I’m gonna reread it twice. Though before that, I plan on posting another story which is much shorter and I’m unable to get around to rereading it, which sucks. Though now the plan is to reread it close to the day I plan on posting it and hope I go through with it. That’s dedicated. But yeah, I understand that since it’s quite normal to want your stories to be as perfect as can be.

Yeah. Like even if she messed up, Haruki would calmly tell her in what way she did and once that conversation’s over, he’d smile at her and would ask her whether she wants to do anything. Also, since Haruki’s morality is a dark shade of grey, he wouldn’t be mad at Sumiko if she did something’ ‘wrong’, but would still tell her to be careful Yeah. Like all those babies are in their sixties now and Sumiko is four by the end of the story so they’d be seventy-something by her teenage years. Yeah. Yata is one of my few favourite characters that doesn’t die or come into mortal danger or anything like that and I’d like to keep it that way. And I see. Writing fluff is a good general way to get around it. Like after an angsty plotline, I generally write something more cheerful or at the very least less heavy. Thank you so much. And unfortunately, most blogs I follow of the fandoms we share are hardly ever active. Yeah, I saw KHR won the poll by quite a lot. And you’re getting through it fast. I like saw on Wikipedia that it’s 302 episodes so probably loads of chapters. Yay, Jujutsu Kaisen. Be warned, there is much pain in the second season but it’s still so good. How far did you make it?

Of course. You have a life outside of Tumblr after all.

C

You are so nice and sweet as always! I really do appreciate you. And thanks for looking forward to it. I do plan on finishing up the Shouhei one first, just because it was further along, but I do want to get most of the askbox cleared, finish a commission, and really be up to writing long fic and feel confident in it before I finish the last two of those things. Then comes Bandou! And I probably will dabble with the paranormal investigation one first in my spare time, just for me, to get comfortable writing long fic again…if it's just for me, then I don't need to worry if it sucks, after all. And I cannot write and cry, haha. I am not a quiet or calm cryer. I don't cry long but when I do, it's all out sobbing. Now I can fangirl and still write because that makes me wanna put the words down faster and faster and get it done and out. And I hope you do go through with it as I am sure you did a fantastic job and it's a lovely story!

And I love the fact that these really nice, kind characters do have that morally grey side to them because it gives them this nice complexity and depth. And see, I have a problem of either ignoring Yata or killing him far more than I should, so it's probably a really good thing I don't write a lot for him outside of specific requests. And yeah, really light is needed after a good angst fest and it's normally when I start asking for match up requests because those make me feel really good and relaxed and light. And I am getting that impression. It seems like ask blogs/imagine blogs have kind of died out for either the fandoms I enjoy or just in general here on tumblr so I'm wondering if my number of followers is there mostly because I'm one of the few surviving ones haha. As for KHR, there's about 403 chapters, so I'm almost half-way through, but that is because I did skip the Daily Life arc this time…mostly because I know it and it's really kind of a slog to get through, so it always slows me down. I'm probably not going to rewatch the entire series as well, but am definitely going to check out the filler arcs because, while I'm normally a downer on filler episodes, I actually really enjoyed the fillers for KHR. And something tells me there's going to be so much pain in Jujutsu Kaisen period. It just seems that sort of story where there are absolutely NO guarantees that characters will survive, no matter how important they seem.

[tetzoro]

Aims I am gonna cry and sob and wail. I was really nervous about this fic because this idea came so randomly in my head and I was like, I have to write it otherwise I'll mess up the flow I'm making right now. So I ended up writing it at 1 am in the morning, did not even proofread it and posted it. And not surprisingly enough, I am already finding little details that I could have written so much better :(( (ALWAYS PROOFREAD KIDS)

but im so so glad you loved it, that alone removed half of the worries I had cause if you like it, I trust your (+my other kuroo lovers) judgement more than anything <333. the excitement that you felt reading it is so so so much appreciated. Because, trust me when I got the idea and I was living it in my delusions, I was giddy giddy. And I wanted to and tried my best to bring that into the fic for other readers. Also have to put atleast one dick move by kuroo tetsuro otherwise it aint a kuroo fic. I was also kind of tensed about the characterisation even though I believe it is a lot similar to mine cause even I would have pulled the move lmao, but I tried my best and wrote about him after a long time especially after satoru so I tried to keep a thin line of difference in these two with no matter how similar they are.

And rivals to lovers is my absolutee favourite I eat that shit up like a starved man. because nothing turns me on more than a man who got some genuine braincells and challenges me with them and also got the level of support and who is a better candidate than our one of the smartest bois of haikyuu (I contemplated on gojo but its is my baby's bday month so he won).

I am blabbering a lot but I just wanna say THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND LIKING IT I AM HOPING TO WRITE MORE AND HOPE YOU LIKE THEM TOO. LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH AIMS. thank you for being so supportive like that.

kisses and more kisses

CRYING WITH U RN !

my dear sweet sami i am showering u with sm smooches rn <3 getting out my lil tissues and blotting ur tears away pls ! the fact that you wrote all that before you went to bed HELLO !! are you a wizard !!! that’s incredible omg !! & pls i feel that sm .. the amount of times i’ve reread my works and seen a lil error im like whoops !! im still sitting here in awe at the fact you wrote that all in one sitting .. ur a genius and im giving ur brain another smoochie !

loved it, adored it, cherished it, reread it, YES YES YES YES. it had me on my TOES FR !! just like kuroo would 😒 you nailed his character so well i was sitting there and kicking my feet !! i love that we can be giddy together over our man <3 nothing brings me greater joy teehee ur right that gojo and kuroo def have a lot of overlap but you absolutely knocked it right out of the park !! it was entirely kuroo :3

BUT RIVALS TO LOVERS !! i have an au with him rn that has this trope and it’s one of my faves to explore bc the banter and the back & forth is truly so much fun with him. he’s such a lil asshole sometimes that all you can really do to get him to shut up is just kiss him 🤭 so glad you went with him for this fic (even tho gojo would’ve been amazing) but kuroo def deserves the love esp during his bday month teehee ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

OKAY NOW IM RAMBLING ! but thank you so much for writing that masterpiece and sharing it with us ^_^ i really hope you write more too bc ur ideas are genius and im already addicted to ur writing teehee LOVE U SM SAMI !!!! GIVING U SM HUGS !!

[zalrb]

Guilt {SE Fic Pt. 1}

There will be another part. Hopefully this part is super messy but the second part will be the mess we’ve talked about in the asks/responses but you know, they need to actually make the tape first.

*Note* I have incorporated some of a one shot into this fic to give more context to the relationships so it starts off with the beginning of the “Change” one shot but I am expanding it or taking it in another direction with this fic.

Stefan hadn’t told Elena where they were going. He hadn’t said anything during the drive either and Elena hadn’t asked. He’d just come into her room a couple of hours before, where she’d been pacing, thoughts racing, emotions barely suppressed, took her hand and said, “Come with me.”

She did. She always did.

Even now, even after everything, she trusted him absolutely, and that was why the silence between them wasn’t tense but an intimate understanding, a familiarity borne out of knowing each other as deeply as they did.

Stefan stopped the car after another half hour. They were outside of a cemetery. Elena felt something inside of her start to stir.

“Stefan…”

“Come on,” he said.

He got out of the car and after a beat, Elena followed, walking through the entrance and down a path until they reached a tombstone that read JOLENE. Elena started to panic. Her worst fear. Her worst shame.

“They found her body a few weeks ago,” said Stefan.

“No, Stefan, I can’t, I can’t do this, I—” She started to hyperventilate as that night came back to her in flashes – her, Stefan and Damon at the diner, Jolene coming to their table to serve more coffee, the sound of her neck snapping, the impossible angle her head turned, the dull thunk of her body hitting the floor.

Elena felt like she was going to die – was it possible to die from guilt? She started to pace, like she’d done in her room, clenching her hair then running her fingers through it wildly, heaving and crying and retching, and then Stefan was holding. She clutched at his shirt, burying her face in his chest as she sobbed and breathed and held onto him for dear life.

She didn’t know how long they stood there, his arms around her, her pressed against him, but when he pulled away, he held her gaze, waiting patiently for her cries to settle, for her breathing to calm, like he had when she turned her humanity back on. After a while, he spoke.

“I never wanted this for you,” he said. “To feel the guilt, the self-hatred, the despair. But now that you have, you have to make amends.”

“I’ll never be able to make amends for what I did,” she said.

“But you have to try. That’s what it’s all about, Elena, you have to try. And the first step, no matter how inconsequential or stupid or useless it seems, is to apologize. To her.”

Elena chewed on her lip, glancing fearfully at the tombstone before walking towards it. With a trembling hand, she touched the stone and then collapsed in front of it. Stefan moved to walk away but Elena called out.

“Please, don’t go.” She needed him there. “Please?”

He nodded. “OK.”

Elena took a deep, shuddering breath, grateful for his presence.

Stefan pulled into the Salvatore driveway. Elena had been emotionally spent after the cemetery and had ended up resting her head against him for the drive, comforted by the feel of his body, the support of his shoulder, the familiar comfort of the crook of his neck. When he idled the car, she pulled away from him and gave a small smile.

“Thank you,” she said. “For today. You knew exactly what I needed to do. You always…”

He looked at her, his eyes searching hers. “I’m always here for you,” he said. “That hasn’t changed."

*

The only wine in the house was Chardonnay and despite Elena's aversion to it, she'd already had three glasses. She was sitting up in the bed she'd shared with Damon, clad in black lingerie, staring intently at the phone on the tripod he said he'd bought solely for the possibility of this occasion. Pouring out her fourth glass of wine,  Elena thought about everything that had led her to agreeing to this.

Like Stefan. 

Somehow, everything always started with Stefan.

 *

After he'd taken her to see Jolene, they'd started spending more and more time together: texting and taking walks, watching TV. She spoke to him about her guilt and he spoke to her about his, they discussed how to cope, how to make amends, how to live. 

It was almost like it had been when they were together. She'd even taken to watching him cook like she used to, telling him about her classes, asking him questions about history as he chopped or sauteed or fried 

and then when Damon came in from another room or from down the stairs, breaking the privacy she shared with Stefan, something inside Elena sank a little. She chose to believe that it was because they were in an awkward place after the argument they had when she’d come back from visiting Jolene’s grave with Stefan. He’d pushed her and pushed her to tell him things she’d never thought she’d say to him about the night he switched off her humanity.

“Well, when are we going to talk about it, Elena? When are you going to be honest with me?”

“Honest about what? Making a unilateral decision to take away my humanity?”

“There it is,” he’d said, his eyes brightening. “Finally. We’re getting somewhere.”

Elena had tried to calm her nerves but everything she’d hadn’t allowed herself to feel, to say, to protect him, was coming to the surface.

“So, do you think that I’m stupid or just cruel?”

“I think you saw me in unimaginable pain and thought about you, thought about what you felt like you couldn’t do.”

“And what couldn’t I do?”

“Be there for me!”

“You just said your pain was unimaginable. How was I supposed to fix that? What could I have possibly done to make that better for you?”

“You didn’t even try! It was your first instinct, Damon! You couldn’t even wait! You couldn’t even ask!”

“You were in the middle of an emotional breakdown and I’m supposed to whip out a pros and cons list with you about your humanity switch?”

“YES.”

Damon had flinched at the word she flung in his face.

“It’s my humanity switch, Damon! That’s not something you just get to control just because you can! I nearly killed Caroline! and Bonnie! I attacked them. The things that I said to them? To Matt? You didn’t think about any of that, you didn’t think at all!”

“I thought about the pain that you were in, the pain that I was seeing with my own two eyes and how I would do anything to make sure you didn’t have to feel that–”

“But not about the pain I’d feel once I got my humanity back after everything that I did?”

“You really can’t understand what it was like for me seeing you that way and just wanting to make it all go away for you?”

“Pain is a part of life, Damon, you don’t get to just pick and choose the emotions you want to feel because it’s easier.”

“Oh, don't start sounding like Stefan–”

“Stefan is right!” She’d been so shrill at that point that Damon winced against the high pitch of her voice. “I wanted nothing more than to see Jeremy again but when Bonnie told me we’d have to destroy the Other Side to bring him back, I wouldn’t do it! I chose grief because it was the right thing to do! Loss is a part of life, Stefan was right.”

Damon snorted. “Of course you’d say that, of course Stefan –”

“No, don’t turn this into a you versus Stefan thing–”

“IT’S ALWAYS A ME VERSUS STEFAN THING!” Damon had roared. “It’s always about him–”

“NO, THIS IS ABOUT YOU BEING A COWARD!”

He’d stormed out of the house after that and when he’d come back hours later, they’d decided not to rehash what was said and simply declared the argument over with a night of makeup sex. They hadn’t spoken about it since, and Elena told herself once they got over the awkwardness of what was said, things would be … what they were. Whatever that was. 

It was true spending so much time with Stefan probably contributed to the lingering discomfort 

 but she didn’t know how to stop something that felt so natural, that felt right and necessary. She’d known what it felt like to have Stefan in her life and what it felt like to have him there but not really there, and now that he was again --- there --- she didn’t know how to give that up and if she did she wouldn’t want to. 

Now, she was done with classes for the day and had driven from Whitmore back to the Salvatore Mansion, hoping Stefan was around so she could tell him about her exam, tell him that their studying probably earned her top marks. She saw Stefan almost immediately once she was inside, but he was walking down the stairs in somewhat of a hurry. He hesitated on the last step when he saw Elena.

“Hi,” she said, smiling.

He blinked. “Hi.”

“On your way out?”

He didn’t answer right away and immediately, Elena felt uneasy. Something was different between them. Something was off. He was pulled back. 

“I am,” he said finally. “But before I leave, um.” He looked like he was making up his mind about something. There was a hint of conflict on his face.  

"Do you have a second?" 

Elena nodded. "Yeah, sure."

“Just … something upstairs.” 

“OK…” 

Elena followed him into his room and then he walked over to his closet, opening the door. He cleared his throat.  "I just ... I've had this forever and I've wanted to give it to you for a while and I kept forgetting…” He stayed still at the door but Elena saw something like resolve steel him. “But, uh, here." 

He took out a blue and brown plaid blanket. The blue and brown plaid blanket. Elena’s lips parted and she walked closer to get a better look. She didn’t know what she’d expected but it wasn’t this, and she couldn’t explain her reaction, the memories that came to her in quick succession. 

She saw it all -- she saw herself wrapped in that blanket, standing on the dock at the lake house, Stefan's arms around her, his lips pressed to her ear, the warmth of his breath, of his voice as he whispered "I love you";

she saw when they'd fallen asleep in each other's arms in the woods; saw the nights where they huddled together, cocooned in that blanket, the days they just lay together or had picnics on that blanket. 

When she glanced up at Stefan, she saw the same nostalgia brighten his eyes.

She blinked back tears. "You kept this?" Her hand hovered above the blanket. "I thought it was gone, I thought it burned with everything else in the fire, I thought..." 

"No, after the woods that day, I packed everything up and... I don't know, I've had it ever since." 

The relief that surged through her was so overwhelming she had to put her hand on the wall to balance herself. Elena remembered his words the first time she ever saw his bedroom, the first time they'd made love, how he kept every significant memory, everything he thought was important in this space, this one constant space.

She looked at him. Her voice had become a whisper. "Why are you giving this to me?" 

Stefan shrugged. "It's yours." 

She looked at him for any sign of hurt, any sign of attachment, but even the glimmer of nostalgia she'd seen had disappeared and his expression was somewhere between pleasant and unbothered.

She scoffed, shaking her head. "It's not---"

"Yes it is."

"That--" she moved her hand slightly. "If it is then why are you only giving it to me now?"

Stefan didn’t answer right away, he just shook his head. "It just never felt like the right..." He sighed. "You know me, it's hard for me to get rid of clutter."

She looked sharply at him. "Clutter?"

He nodded his head. "Yeah."

An anger had started to rise. "Where would I put this? There's no room, there's no space for it in--" She gestured toward the room she'd shared with Damon. 

"You have a dorm." 

"That I share with two other girls," she said. "Do you know how many drawers Caroline's stuff takes up?"  

"Maybe she'll want it. Maybe Bonnie will." 

She glared at him. "You want me to give it away?" 

Stefan's voice remained even. "No, I just think you should have it."

Elena closed her eyes. "It should stay here." 

Stefan scratched his chin. "You never know, you might need it one day."  

She looked at him. "Why would I need this for anything else?" 

"Elena, take it," said Stefan, an edge to his voice. His eyes were blazing. "Just take it."

She felt something inside of her break and her anger became fury, a type of fury that sprouted guilt.  

“Fine.” She grabbed it from him. Was that sadness in his eyes? Or acceptance? Either way, Stefan nodded his head and then left the room.

Elena rubbed her thumb over the material of the blanket and then looked around. She couldn’t stay there a second longer, she couldn’t bear it, when every inch of this room had a memory of her, a memory of them that he probably wanted to scrub clean, give away somehow like he’d just did with what she had in her hands. 

The thought tore through her and she stormed into Damon’s room, wrenching open the closet and throwing the blanket inside.

She tried to calm down. She shouldn’t be feeling this upset, this angry. She shouldn’t -- 

Elena paused. Something was happening downstairs and she honed in on her hearing. Stefan was leaving and at the same time, Damon came inside. She reacted impulsively, speeding down to the living room and kissing him without preamble, pushing him over to the couch.

As she kissed him, she thought of her motivation … was this some kind of revenge? Was this distraction? Was it escape?  No, it was guilt. For her breaking heart. Elena pulled away and looked at Damon’s expression, a mixture of surprise and arousal. He was her boyfriend, her choice and she felt a need to make up her inner turmoil to him.

“Nice to see you too,” he said, winking. 

Elena smiled tightly then cleared her throat. "You know," she said. "We've never, um, we've never talked about, uh, fantasies, or - or anything like that." 

Damon smirked. "Well that's because the last time we did you made me Matt Donovan.” 

Elena laughed nervously. "No, I'm serious,” she said. “Um, really ... what ... what's something that you've always wanted us to do?" 

"Sex tape." 

Elena raised her eyebrows. "You were really quick with that answer."

Damon shrugged. “I’ve thought about it a lot. Watching you? Watching us? Getting hard just thinking about it.”  

He wasn’t wrong. Elena felt herself nod. "OK. Sure, yeah, let's do it. Yeah." 

He didn’t ask twice but instead kissed her hard on the mouth. Elena wiped away the saliva. “Got the playlist queued up and everything.”

Elena looked at him. "You already have a playlist?" She almost said "That's ambitious" out loud.

“Like I said, I’ve thought about it a lot. It’ll rock your world.” 

She nodded again, a vigorous motion --- this would get them over the hurdle. “Right. OK.” 

 So now she was here. Drinking her fourth glass of wine. The music started. “Closer”, Nine Inch Nails. Elena watched Damon walk -- or was that a prowl? -- into the room in a shirt and black jeans, swaying his hips and doing body rolls. She put her hand over her mouth and bit down on her finger to stifle her laughter and from the way his movements became more and more exaggerated, it looked as though Damon took her gesture to mean something else. For which he was grateful.

As he wiggled over to the bed, shirt off, jeans unzipped, Elena started to wonder if maybe he was being intentionally funny.

She strove to remember how she'd felt during the Miss Mystic Falls dance, what she’d seen in him then that made him sexy to her. Was it the suit? Should she ask him to wear one? But then the dance would start all over again…

His pants were off, crotch was in her face, and Elena decided to take matters into her own hands. She brought him to her and kissed him firmly on the mouth.

“Too hot and bothered to wait?” 

Sure. “Mhmm.” 

His lips were rubbery on her neck. “You’re aching for my cock inside you.”

Elena shuddered. 

“Already shivering,” he whispered.

“Shut up.”

She kissed him again, trying to give all of herself over, to find the abandon she had the summer they stayed in the bedroom for hours on end but even that summer, she hadn’t been truly lost in him. She’d thought about Stefan the entire time, what he was doing, if she should call him, she’d hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that something had happened to him.

 No. No thinking about Stefan. 

“I want to fill you.” 

Elena grabbed his face and put a finger to his lips. This would work so much better if there was quite literally no talking. Damon smirked, apparently under the impression that this was some kind of domme act. He put her finger in his mouth and sucked. She hesitated then rolled her eyes to the back of her head so that a lusty chuckle escaped him.  

He reached between her and then stopped kissing at her, his eyebrows furrowed. “You’re not…?”

“Oh, uh…” She cleared her throat and wondered if this would be the best time or the worst time to have another conversation about foreplay -- really, the only one who’d been able to prime her with simply a kiss had been the man she’d dated just  before him -- but at seeing Damon’s wounded expression, she put her hands on either side of his face. 

“Baby, it’s just performance anxiety. OK? Just not used to…” She nodded her head toward the phone.

"OK, I know, I know. Gotta set the mood." 

The music changed. “Best I Ever Had.” He rolled off her and was suddenly where his fingers just were and Elena squirmed, making a face at the darting of his tongue.  “Oh yeah, that’s… that’s…” She cringed at her own bad performance and willed herself a sigh or a pant. He was being vocal and she struggled to reach his enthusiasm. 

“Yes … feels so so good…”

“Mm…”

She needed to find her inner Meg Ryan and give a performance of a lifetime. The sex couldn’t have always been like this, it had been good, great -- their first time, their second time too, it had felt like some kind of seismic shift, like she was experiencing all of these new sensations that were richer and deeper and more intense. Where did that go?  

She needed to concentrate.

 Elena looked down at the top of Damon’s head and felt no inspiration. Her eyes wandered the room and she caught herself in the phone’s camera and at seeing how awkward they looked, averted her eyes until they fixed on the closet where she’d shoved the blanket. She shook her head, trying to look away, trying to focus on something else but her eyes always went back to the blue and brown plaid, to the stories it could tell. Like the swimming hole.

No one had been at the lake except for them, her back rested against his chest. They’d been enjoying the night, the quiet company of one another, the intimacy of each other’s silence when Elena, after staring at the water for a few minutes, turned to look at him and mused, “You know, I’ve always wanted to go skinny dipping.”

Stefan raised an intrigued eyebrow at her and something deep down in Elena immediately clenched.

“Well, there’s no one around,” he said.

She’d stared at him for a few seconds, at the hint of hunger intensifying his eyes, at the wryness of his smirk, 

the way he could switch gears so seamlessly had always been a turn on for her but there was something about the smoothness of his response, the lack of surprise in his tone that made her say, “You’ve done it before, haven’t you?”

He waited a beat and then his grin became sheepish. “Once.”

That got her attention. “With who?”

Stefan chuckled nervously.

“The playmate?” Elena suggested. “Miss June 1972?”

Now, he looked mildly surprised. “You remember the details?”

“Well, June is my birthday month.”

Mischief made his eyes glint and Elena felt her body ignite. “I guess I have a type,” he said.

“Yeah, well, your boyfriend going on a date with a playmate is not the kind of thing a girl forgets." Her good-natured jealousy made him smile. "Like your thing for cars?” he countered.

Elena’s cheeks flushed red as she’d thought back to their first double date with Caroline and Matt and the mechanics of making out in cars had been brought up 

and Matt made a rash joke.

“It wasn’t a thing,” she said, giggling. “I don’t have a thing.”

Stefan laughed. “I’m sure.”

“And don’t change the subject.” She said, elbowing him playfully. “Was she a girlfriend?”

“I never said it was a ‘she’.”

Elena raised her head up to look at him. “You and Klaus had a lot of late night rendezvous did you?”

“I also never said it was at night.”

She looked at him. He laughed, shaking his head.

“So it was a girlfriend?”

“I don’t know if I’d consider her a girlfriend.”

Elena’s eyes narrowed slightly but she was still somewhat amused. “Was it Katherine?”

Stefan licked his lips and sighed. “No. It was Rebekah.”

All traces of amusement had suddenly disappeared. “Oh.”

Katherine would’ve annoyed her but she would’ve been preferable. The thought of her simply near Stefan had never failed in putting Elena in a sour mood

but there’d been something about Rebekah, about how she’d flaunted her time with Stefan,

how she’d dismissed their relationship, something about her arrogance that irked her more than anyone else.

Elena stood up so she could do something with herself.

"Elena." Stefan stood up too, a slight grin on his face, and moved toward her. She wasn’t angry at him and she knew her spike of jealousy was making her petulant, and so she let him bring her into his arms and let herself relax in his hold, resting her head against his chest. 

She never really got over the way his body simultaneously comforted and inflamed her, how she sought solace and pleasure from him in equal measure and suddenly wondered if he’d had the same affect on Rebekah when they were together.  

She looked up at him. "I am curious, though."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "About?" 

"About how it happened." 

"It didn’t --"

"Like, your shirt." Her hands gripped the hem. "Was she the one who took it off?"

"I..."

Elena pulled Stefan's shirt up and over his head and when she’d let it fall to the ground, the material no longer obstructing their line of vision from each other, his expression had shifted into a seriousness, a singular focus that turned her breathing shallow. 

She tried to keep composure under his gaze. He was the one being seduced here, not her.

Elena allowed herself a second to take in the sight of his body -- sculpted perfection -- before gently raking her fingernails down his chest, grinning at the way he shivered from her touch. 

She pressed her lips to his neck, kissing until she heard what she wanted -- a deep sigh, then she nipped his jaw. She felt his hands on her waist.

"How about your belt?" She whispered in his ear. The grip on her waist tightened and then relaxed slightly, which spurred her own desire since she knew he had to remind himself to hold back, he had to actively manage the intensity of his need. "Did she take that off?"

As she unbuckled his belt, Elena used her teeth to gently tug on the bottom of Stefan's earlobe and then sucked, eliciting a deep groan. His hands had slipped from her waist to her behind and he squeezed, making her want to push into him, writhe against him. But he wasn’t the only one with restraint.

"Did she...?"

Elena's lips were a breath away from Stefan's as she spoke and he leaned forward to kiss her but she moved away, pressing her lips against his chest and kissing her way down his stomach, the tip of her tongue trailing his skin. He cursed.

She rid him of his jeans and then held the waistband of his boxers, relishing the ripple of his stomach as he took a sharp intake of air. She raised her head to see him already looking down at her, a hint of carnal desperation in his eyes that burned with anticipation. That alone made her lightheaded. She swallowed hard. What he could do with one look. 

She contemplated pressing her lips to him in an effort to drive him wild but knew if she did, they’d never make it to the lake, she’d be on her back or against a tree as he buried himself in her and she lost herself in him, crying out for more and more and more and she meant to make him wait for that. 

Elena stood up again, unable to trust herself with the task and lowered her eyes in a wordless command. He took them off himself. She teased him with the promise of a kiss again, letting his lips touch hers for barely a second before taking a few steps back and ridding herself of her shirt. He started to follow but she shook her head and he stayed where he was, the hint of smugness beneath his attentive expression an indication of what he was thinking about, what she was in for the moment they were together. 

Her body screamed for his imagination, for whatever he was picturing right at that moment, but she ignored the hankering that was becoming increasingly more urgent. 

She undressed fully and then dove into the lake. Stefan was in the water with her no more than a moment later. They were now locked in a game. A game of restraint where they touched and played, splashing each other, swimming around one another, doing everything but coming together while the desire for one another was a ripe, aching need that charged every moment, every movement. The tension mounted every time he swam close to her, behind her, his presence prickling her skin with goosebumps while her proximity to him seemingly had no effect except the way his eyes blazed gave away his own lust.

They chased each other, playfully dunked each other, laughed loudly together and then he was kissing her with savage release, holding her chin as his mouth took hers.

 He was ravenous and she moaned into him, greedily pushing her bare body to his while he responded by holding her and pressing her back, as if he were trying to bring her even closer to him, as if he were trying to make them one.

Elena instinctively wrapped her legs around him, gripping at his shoulders, her fingers twisted in his hair as he was kissing her everywhere he could reach, her neck, her throat, her chest, her breasts,  until she found herself moaning, “I can’t wait.” 

They were back ashore in a matter of seconds. On the blanket. The wildness with which they came together had not been what Elena expected at the beginning of the night but she was driven by irrational jealousy. She wanted him to forget that he’d ever seen Rebekah naked 

and he wanted to assure her that it’d already been forgotten.

He’d thrust into her with such purpose that she cried out, which only incited him to push further until she felt him so solidly within her, making her bite down on his chest to release some of the sensation. He made a noise halfway between painful pleasure and excitement. She watched him watch her, at the smug delight in his expression every time she whimpered his name.

Elena was now slick with remembered want, she arched off the bed and then she saw Damon look up at her triumphantly before moving across her body again. She kept her eyes on the blanket to sustain the memory, and as she held onto Damon to contain his flailing limbs, she conjured the delicious rhythm of Stefan’s movements, the precision and restraint that eventually came apart beneath her or above her when he could no longer hold himself back.

She moaned.

“Yes.” It was Damon’s voice. A distraction. “You like that? You like that?” He kept asking.

Elena turned over so she was astride him but turned to the closet rather than his face, conjuring the night at the lake to her mind again, how Stefan was reverent and fierce with her body, how he rocked into her with a determination that made her clench and spasm around him, that made her plead and beg and pray for more. Just more.

She found herself moving with the power of that memory, Damon’s noises muffled in the background as she recalled the throaty, sensuous sounds she brought out in Stefan that night. How she more than repaid him with a pleasure that made him clench the blanket beneath him, made him sob with an agonized ecstasy, made him pant that she was killing him.

Swaying atop Damon, she raced toward the building inside of her as she remembered the way she eagerly went about making Stefan finish. When his breathing was hard and his body was tight and strained and needy for a release only she could give him. 

She was almost there, just about there, about to ---

And then Damon cried out before she had the chance to reach her destination. She mimicked him then lay next to him, sweaty and panting and guilty.

“You’ve never fucked me like that,” said Damon, laughing. He turned over to kiss her shoulder and chest but Elena stayed looking up at the ceiling. 

“What were you thinking about? Hmm? Elena?” He tapped her. She finally looked at him. “What were you thinking about?” he said again.  

Elena pressed her lips together.

  “Salvatore prowess,” she said finally. “What else?”

[cerridwen007]

Okay, I am a crying, sobbing, grinning, horny mess right now. I think I cried just as much as Osita and Javi did reading this. I genuinely can't express how much this series means to me. This was a perfect literally perfect wedding for these two, so heartfelt and gorgeously described. And I am seriously going to sob for the rest of the night after reading this. I love this series and these two with my whole being and I would give anything and everything I have, for a love like these two. Also I have to say, absolutely cracking up and losing it at the fact they got caught AGAIN by Steves nosey (and drunk off his rocker) ass. Madeline you truly have made one of the best fics i've ever had the pleasure of reading. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this remarkable, phenomenal story, that will forever hold a very special place in my brain and heart. Here's to Osita and Javier, forever and always! 🥂🍾🥳

Chapter 20 pt. 2- I Do

Summary: It's wedding time, baby.

Word Count: 17.4K (.....I'm so sorry)

Warnings: SMUT (18+) unprotected p in v sex, vaginal fingering, praise kink, marriage kink, big, fat, nasty, unspeakable breeding kink (holy SHIT you guys, I really went balls to the wall on this one, I fear), kind of semi-public sex (you already know these horndogs are going at it again), More getting caught (Steve is causing his own problems at this point), wedding things!!, family dynamics, mentions of death/grief, lots of emotions, alcohol/drinking, so many feelings (grab the tissues, friends), Javi being adorable with kids, Javi being so in LOVE it HURTS?!? So much joy and happiness because Javi deserves the world and more

A/N: HELLO. Part 2 is finally finished *insert Spongebob narrator voice* 4 years later 🫠 Omg y'all, thank you SO much for bearing with me as I finish this, it has been a labor of love like no other, but I am so excited to finally share our favorite couple's special day and finally GET THESE TWO MARRIED 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I would very much be lying if I said I didn't cry multiple times writing this chapter 🥺 I can't believe these two are actually getting married- words can't express how thankful I am for everyone who's wanted to stick around and read my silly little story to see these two make it to their wedding day- your support and kind words mean more to me than you will ever know 💛 Poorly beta'd bc I'm the worst, also, I've seen that sometimes people have issues reblogging things with comments that are this long (my apologies), but comments and reblogs make me wanna cry and throw up with joy, so it means a lot to me if you're able to leave a comment if it won't let you reblog with one!!!

Series Masterlist Next Chapter Previous Chapter

Never had you been so anxious to walk in a straight line. 

Because truth be told, that was all you needed to do to walk down the aisle- walk in a straight line. 

But when that straight line meant the walk to finally get to marry your future husband, to take his last name, to start the beginning of your forever together, not to mention kissing him in front of all your closest family and friends, you couldn’t help but feel the butterflies in your stomach swirling in anticipation as you waited for your ceremony to start. 

“You okay, Hermosa?” Javi asked, his thumb gently stroking your hand that he had been holding since the moment he saw you, almost as if he was refusing to let go. You looked up at him, big brown puppy dog eyes staring down at you with a goofy grin that hadn’t left his face, the sight of his handsome, broad frame easing your racing heart enough to help you remember that when you walked down that aisle in a few short minutes, he was the only thing that mattered. 

“I’m perfect.” You smiled, pressing up on your toes just enough to peck his lips quickly before someone in the wedding party needed to barrate you both again about saving your kissing until after you were finally married. “I don’t think I’ve ever had this many people staring all at me at once. Knowing my luck, I’m gonna trip and fall over this dress before I can even make it to you. Or better yet, with my dumbass decision to have David and Charlie walk me down the aisle, I’ll be lucky if they don’t push me to the ground first.” 

“Well, even if you did fall, you would still be the most beautiful woman on the face of this Earth. My clumsy, grass-stained wife.” Javi snickered, giving you a little nudge as you rolled your eyes, giving him a playful shove back. 

“Pendejo. You have both of our vows books, right? You promise you haven’t peeked?” 

“Yup, both right here in my pocket.” Javi smiled, patting his tux by his chest. “Promise I haven’t read it. Although for my sake I probably should have, because if I can’t even make it through seeing you in your dress, then these vows are gonna make me a fuckin’ goner.” 

“Bold of you to assume I had nice things to say about you in there.” You teased, raising your eyebrow as you smirked at him, making Javi shake his head as he laughed. 

“Alright everyone, it’s 3:00, it’s time to get this show on the road! Make sure you’re in order like we practiced, that you take your time walking down to the music, girls, please do not throw petals at each other, and make sure you all- Javi, where are you? You’re supposed to be at the front of this line, sir.” Connie sassed, proving to you that she really was the perfect person for the task of making sure that things ran smoothly today, bossing the group around like the captain of a well organized ship. 

“Sorry, I’m coming,” Javi replied sheepishly. “I love you, Osita.” Sliding the hand that was entangled with yours around your waist, Javi pulled you in for a kiss, much more obviously than he probably should have, considering the shit the two of you were about to get being literal minutes away from getting married. 

“Javier! Get you A-S-S up here! Kiss her all you want once you say I do!” Connie shouted, rolling her eyes at the two of you, Javi pulling away in defense with his hands raised, trying to prove his innocence. 

“Oh, I know what that one spells, Mrs. Murphy! That one spells-” 

“Javi? Please?” Connie asked again, quickly trying her best to cut off your niece, Olivia, before she could finish the rest of her thought in front of everyone else, making the group giggle at her matter of factness. 

“Okay, okay, I’m here!” Javi pleaded, making his way to the front of the procession, taking his place next to his dad as Connie did one more check through of everyone’s spot in line before giving the music an all clear to start playing. 

As you stood at the end of the line, you peeked up to see Javi turned around staring back at you with that same stupid smile on his face, completely enamored and awestruck by you, already convincing you that you were going to turn into a puddle before you could even make it down the aisle. 

But as you went to re-adjust your bouquet in your grasp, you quickly realized there were not one, but two things missing from your procession line, now about to start walking down the aisle. 

Your brothers. 

Despite having seen them only seconds ago, as you quickly whipped your head around, they were now nowhere to be found. 

“Charlie? David? Where the fuck did you go?” You whisper shouted, frantically looking around for any sight of them.

Suddenly, you heard a rustling from one of the bushes around the corner from where you had been lined up and waiting, followed by the all too familiar voices of your brothers up to no good. 

“Just finish it you dingus, I already drank the first half!” 

“Why the fuck did we leave this out here? It’s fucking warm. You got the better half, that’s not fair!” 

“It was warm when I drank it too, dumbwad. Just finish it, we gotta fucking go, hurry up!” 

As you peered behind the bush, you saw your brothers wiping their mouth with the back of their hands as the tossed a can of Miller Lite to the ground, freezing in fear as they saw your menacing and disappointed glare staring back at them. 

“What the fuck do you two think you’re doing?!” 

“It was David’s idea!” Charlie responded, pointing at his brother. 

“Charlie didn’t say no!” David responded back, now pointing at him. “You didn’t expect us to get through this sober, did you? You’re the one who asked us to marry you, so I don’t know what to tell ya, Cubby. Plus, we wanted to pour one out for Patrick since he’s the luckiest bastard out of all of us and doesn’t have to worry about fucking up marrying his little sister.” 

“God, you two are idiots. Well that thing you agreed to do is happening as we speak so can we go do that, please?” You sighed, trying your best not to laugh at your brother’s antics, knowing that you really should have expected nothing less from the pair after you and Javi had asked them to officiate your wedding, considering neither of you had wanted anything religious, and wanted someone who knew you to be the ones to do it. 

“Okay, okay!” They replied, one rushing to each side of you and hooking their arm around yours as you made your way back to your spot at the end of the processional line that had now begun to move forward. 

“Where were you 3 dumbbells? The ceremony is starting!” Your dad gruffed, trying his best to restrain from slapping each of you upside the head. 

“Cubby wanted a beer.” David replied, shrugging his shoulders, keeping his head facing forward, trying his best not to laugh. 

“Honey, seriously?!” Your mom scolded, looking at you with disgust. 

“I did not! I was trying to find these two idiots!” You groaned, eying your brothers as they shook you back and forth between them in their grasp. “I hate you both, I hope you know that.” 

“We love you too, Cubby.” Charlie smirked, knowing that for as much as you said it, there wasn’t a bone in your body that could hate your brothers. For as dumb and annoying as they were, there would never be another moment you would take for granted with them, knowing all too well that life was much too short to do anything but cherish your time together, wishing you had more time to spend with the brother who couldn’t be here with you today. 

Before you could respond, your thought was interrupted by the voice of the DJ through the speakers set up outside, your heart steadily beginning to pound at the reality that everything you had been waiting for was all about to become real. 

“Alright, ladies and gentlemen if you could please find your seats, we’re about to get started with our ceremony! Thank you so much, folks!” As his voice echoed through the speakers, a hush began to fall over the crowd of your friends and family that had gathered here, now anxiously alongside you for the ceremony to begin. 

A few seconds passed before you could hear the music beginning to play, the familiar melody of “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac ringing through the speakers- an easily unanimous pick for a song to walk down the aisle to for you and Javi, remembering the first night you had spent together in your apartment, making midnight mac n’ cheese and already falling head over heels in love with each other. 

As the beat began to pick up, your heart started to race, peaking over the backs of everyone’s heads to watch all 5 of your flower girls begin to skip down the aisle, throwing petals every which way around them as they moved.

You couldn’t help but laugh as all their little personalities shone through as they made their way to the altar- Olivia Murphy, being the oldest, most definitely was taking her role the most seriously, holding her baby sister in one hand and carefully sprinkling flowers evenly in front of her. Your niece, Olivia, was second in line to live up to her role, although, being the little ham she was, threw in the occasional twirl in the middle of the aisle to get people to look at her, along with her little waves to the crowd. The rest of the girls, Brianna, Abby and Madison, well, you were just happy that they made it down the aisle, thankful that their older sisters were at least on the lookout enough to keep them from running through the rows of your guests or dumping the entire bucket of flowers on themselves (you had learned your lesson from your rehearsal dinner that Brianna needed about half as less flowers as the others).

Your face lit up watching the girls, your heart filling with joy with the “awhs” and laughter from the crowd at their theatrics as they met at the altar with an impressively semi-rehearsed curtsy, followed by promptly running out of the spotlight and over to Connie who was waiting for them. 

Now that the flower girls had finished making their way down, the processional line began to shift forward once again, this time, leaving Javi and his dad to walk down together, Javi insisting that even though his mom would have been the one to walk him down if she was here, that wanted Chucho to be there in her place instead. 

“Ready, Mijo?” Chucho grinned, giving Javi a little nudge. “Am I going to have to keep you from sprinting down the aisle, or do you think you can manage walking?” 

As the pair began walking down to the melodic beat of the song, Javi couldn’t help but laugh at his dad’s comment, because as much as he wanted to tease him right back, he knew damn well he was so excited that he would have run to the altar if it meant he got to marry you even a minute quicker. 

“Javier?” Chucho asked, looking up at his son with tears in his eyes as the pair moved down the parted pathway between the crowd of guests. 

“Yeah, Pops?” 

“Estoy orgulloso de ti, mijo. Tu mama y yo. (I am so proud of you, son. Me and your mother.) We are so happy that you have found your media naranja (other half). Nosotros te amamos. (We love you so much.)” 

As Javi and Chucho reached the end of the aisle, Javi wrapped his arms around his dad, pulling him close as Chucho patted him on the back, pulling away to look at his son, tears now in both of their eyes, thinking about how far they had come to end up where they were in this very moment, thanking whatever greater power that had finally brought them and Lucia the peace they all desperately deserved. 

Javier Pena knew he was worthy of the love and happiness that his parents had longed for. He had finally proved to himself and his parents he really was the good man that he had hoped to be. 

“I love you, Pops. Thank you for everything.” Javi whispered to his dad, trying to fight back any more tears from falling down his cheeks. 

“Te amo mucho, Javier. (I love you so much, Javier). Thank you for finally realizing that who you are is enough. Now, stop crying over your old man and save some tears for your wife.” Chucho laughed quietly, giving his son another pat on the back with a soft smile wrinkling his cheeks. 

“Yeah, I don’t think you’re gonna have to worry about that.” Javi chuckled, shaking his head at the tearful mess he already was, giving his father one last hug before Chucho took his seat next to Connie and the flower girls at the front of the crowd. 

Steve was the next to make his way to the altar, Javi laughing at his friend’s goofy strut to greet him at the end of the aisle. Steve held out his hand to shake Javi’s before quickly pulling Javi in for another hug with pats to the back much harder than his fathers. 

“Listen, man. I ain’t good at this sentimental shit, but uh- I’m really fuckin’ happy for you, Javi. I know I give you shit, but you’re one of the good ones. She’s a lucky girl. And I hope you know you’re sure as hell one lucky son of a bitch. Love you, man.” 

“Love you too, Murph. Believe me, I know.” Javi grinned, giving Steve a slap on his shoulder laughing to himself as his friend sat down next to his wife and the girls, never imagining himself standing at the altar, happily waiting to get married while his former partner cheered him on, surrounded by his gaggle of giggly daughters. 

Feeling worlds away from Javi, your heart began to beat faster and faster, realizing that you were now only one pair away from making your trek down the aisle as your mom and dad walked down next, arm in arm. 

In classic mom fashion, your mother squeezed Javi so hard as she greeted him, that you were convinced that she was going to pop an eyeball out one of his sockets, thankful that your dad was there to reel her in enough to keep from suffocating him in her hug. 

“Javi. We love you so much. Thank you for making our daughter so happy. We’re so grateful she found you.” 

“Thank you. I love you both, too. Believe me, I’m just as grateful that she found me. Thanks for making me feel like a part of your family.” Javi replied to your mom, catching his breath through his smile after the death grip your mom had wrapped him in before looking over at your dad, extending his hand to meet his already outstretched one. 

“Jav, you’re a good man. I’m a guy of few words, but we couldn’t be happier for you both. Take care of her, okay?” 

“I will. I promise.” 

With a silent handshake and a nod, Javi and your dad had said all they’d needed to know that they couldn’t be more thankful for the love and support the other had brought you in the times that you had needed it most. 

As your parents made their way to their seats, standing at the opposite end of the aisle with your brothers at your side, the realization really hit you- You were the last one that needed to meet Javi. 

“You ready, Cubby?” Charlie asked, giving you a grin as he smiled down at you, interlocking your arm with his as David did the same on the other side. 

“Yeah, I’m ready. Hey, uh- I just, I just wanted to say, I-I love you guys.” 

“Gross.” David teased, scrunching his face in disgust, pretending to barf over his shoulder as you and Charlie laughed, shaking your head at your brother. “We love you too, dude.” 

With one final giggle and deep breath, you took your first step into view where everyone could see you, watching the guests rise to their feet in anticipation of your arrival, awestruck stares and smiles filling the crowd as you began to walk. 

Even though you had seen each other minutes ago, as you started to make your way down the aisle, smiling at Javi, the two of you couldn’t help but break into tears once again, laughing through your sobs that Javi broke before you did, trying to wipe his wet cheeks with the back of his hand while he watched you walk towards him. 

And even though every pair of eyes were on you, the only eyes you needed to see were Javi’s- The sweet, soft brown eyes that you had fallen so deeply in love with from the moment you had locked eyes with them all that time ago. They were the eyes of the first person who had ever truly seen you for who you were, inside and out, and you couldn’t be more thankful that when you looked at him, you saw your forever. When you looked at Javier Pena, you knew you were home. 

It almost felt as if time was standing still, that even in a crowd full of people, no one else existed besides the two of you. No one else mattered, and nothing else mattered- the only thing that mattered for you was Javi waiting for you at the end of the aisle, and you? You were going to finally be his wife. 

“You two are so in love, it’s fucking sick.” David whispered in your ear, helping to ease your tears as you burst into more laughter, rolling your eyes at your brother. 

“Oh shut up, asshole.” 

As you, David and Charlie finally made your way to Javi, waiting for you in a mess of happy smiles and loving tears, you had to use everything in you to keep from jumping onto him like a koala and kiss him all over his stupidly handsome face, resorting to reaching out to grab his hand instead, interlocking it with yours and giving it the tightest squeeze you could. 

“Hey, Mr. Peña. Long time, no see.” You whispered into Javi’s ear, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before took his other hand in yours, the two of you facing each other in front of your friends and family as David and Charlie took their place behind you, pulling out their notes that they had prepared, clearing their throats as they began to address the crowd. 

“Alright everyone, I uh- I guess we’re gettin’ this show on the road.” Speaking out into the crowd, Charlie began to flip to the right page of his script that you were relieved to see he had written out, your guests beginning to silence and bringing their attention to you and Javi. 

“Hi everyone, for those of you who don’t know us, we are the bride’s brothers, and we have the honor of our sister and our new brother-in-law being stupid enough to let us be in charge of marrying them today. Not to worry, 20 dollars and one course on the internet later, David and I are both legally ordained, so not to fear you two, this will all be legit, and hopefully not too embarrassing.” Charlie laughed, also eliciting giggles and eye rolls from you and Javi, as well as the crowd. 

“Well, we are gathered here today, because these two idiots have fallen so head over heels for each other, it's almost sickening. We’ve had the privilege of knowing our sister for the entirety of our lives. When we found out as kids that our mom was having another baby, and that it was going to be a girl, my brothers and I were disappointed, to say the least. We didn’t want a sister to ruin the bond that we had, and honestly, for a long time while my mom was pregnant, we went through a long baby boycott, and were convinced if we protested long enough, and hard enough, she would eventually turn into a boy, and everything would be fine.” David grimaced, shrugging his shoulders at you as you nodded in agreement, having heard this story from your brothers and parents plenty of times before. 

“And while at first, we weren’t really sure what to do with a sister, considering we didn’t even realize it was an option to pee sitting down until she came around,” Charlie snickered, making the crowd laugh again, aside from your mom, who was rolling her eyes so hard, they probably had made it to the back of her head, “Our sister ended up being one of the best things that could have ever happened to us.” 

Breaking your eye contact with Javi, you paused to look over at your brother, a genuine smile on his face, raising his eyebrows and shrugging as if to say I’m just as surprised that I’m saying this out loud as you. 

“Growing up with our sister has taught us a lot of things- Don’t challenge her to anything you don’t wanna lose at, because she’ll find a way to beat you, and thoroughly kick your ass while she does it, she’s got more brain cells that myself, Charlie, and our late brother Patrick did put together, she’s tougher than most guys I know, and she’s one of the biggest hearted people I’ve ever met.” Looking back at Javi, you could see his face beaming with joy, giving your hand a squeeze, agreeing with everything your brothers had to say, and how all of those traits had made him fall so madly in love with you. 

“So, like brothers do, we never assumed that there would never be anyone good enough, let alone even cool enough for our badass sister. And also like brothers do, we let her go through her fair share of duds and gave her shit, but when this guy came around,” Charlie smiled, pointing at Javi, “we knew that he was something special.” 

“Javi,” David joined in pointing, giving him a playful smirk, “Don’t think you were getting out of this so easy. When we first heard that our sister had made her way down to the middle of nowhere Texas and had started seeing you, our first reaction was instant disapproval, because if you lived in south Texas, you probably knew jackshit about hockey, and that was a no go for us.” 

“But,” Charlie interjected, “After talking to our sister more on the phone, not only was she starting to turn into the happy, energetic self we hadn’t seen in so long, we also learned after talking to her that you not only had been willing to watch hockey with her, but had began to openly express your disdain for the Detroit Red Wings, which made us change our opinions on you very quickly.” 

You and Javi looked at your brothers, rolling your eyes in laughter as they shrugged at you, the roar of cackles from the crowd making you grin, feeling the love from your brothers, friends and family swell in your chest, holding Javi’s hands even tighter, gazing up at him with an awestruck smile. 

“No in all seriousness, Jav. We couldn’t be happier that you not only have become a part of our sister’s life, but our family’s life, too. For those of you who don’t know, we um- we, uh-,” David gulped, taking a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears welling in his eyes, “our other brother, Patrick, um, passed away last year, and it uh, it was really hard on all of us, especially our sister. Javi, man, I don’t think you’ll ever understand how thankful we are that you love our sister so unconditionally. Better yet, that you love our family of idiots so unconditionally, because truth be told, we are not an easy bunch to love. While obviously, you can’t ever replace Patrick, I just, I hope you know that we’re so glad to have you as a brother, and that Patrick really would have loved you, man. He would be so happy that you’re the one our sister gets to spend the rest of her life with.” 

For what felt like the 117th time today, you found yourself in absolute tears, feeling the wetness streaming down your cheeks as you looked down at the #2 patch sewn on the bottom corner of your veil in a beautiful mixture of sadness and joy before looking up to see not a dry eye in front of you, both your brothers and Javi misty eyed and sniffling. Breaking his grasp from yours, Javi stepped towards your brothers, wrapping his arms around both of them to pull them into a long, tight hug, Charlie and David reciprocating as their arms patted his back. 

“Thank you guys.” Javi whispered, choking back his tears as he pulled away to look at your brothers, all of you wiping your wet faces with your hands to try and compose yourselves to carry on with the ceremony. 

“Damn, okay, well, sorry about that, folks, was not expecting that.” Charlie and David laughed, trying to shake off their unusually sappy sentiment, looking out at the crowd to see not a dry eye in the house. “Well um, well that’s enough of us yapping at you guys, why don’t we turn it over to the people you’re actually here for, and then you can cry even more because these two idiots decided to write their own vows, so good luck.” 

Staring up at Javi, you could feel your heart begin to race wildly, your hands nearly trembling as you reached out towards Javi to take the little notebook where you had written down your vows, feeling a little more at ease as you saw that Javi’s hands were just as shaky as yours, the two of you overflowing with anxious anticipation. 

It had been no question to either of you that you had wanted to write your own vows to one another. While it seemed to be that everyone else you knew had seemed to avoid writing their own vows because they weren’t sure what to say, or that it was too hard to think of things, you and Javi seemed to find yourselves having the opposite problem, feeling like there was too much to fit in a few short minutes, and that your vows were going to end up being the length of a college lecture. 

There had been a part of you that had worried you would be nervous to read what you had to say to Javi in front of all your friends and family, but as you stood there, smiling up at his beautiful, handsome face, you couldn’t be more excited to share all of the things you had written to tell your husband just how much you loved him.  

But as the two of you stood face to face, your vows in each of your hands, your stomach dropped in shock, realizing that neither of you was making the first move to start talking. Because for all the planning and preparing that you had done for everything else, the both of you had completely forgotten to pick who was going to read their vows first. 

“We never picked who was gonna go first.” You whispered to Javi, your voice filling with nerves every second you stood in front of your guests, neither one of you saying anything. 

“Oh fuck, you’re right. What do you wanna do? Do you wanna go? Do you want me to go?” Javi asked, his face mirroring yours in surprise, now frantically looking back and forth between you, his vows, and all of your guests. 

You weren’t sure if it was the teacher in you, or the fact that you were so flustered that you couldn’t think of anything else, but before you knew it, you were tucking your vows under your arm, holding one hand out in front of you flat and the other in a fist, signifying to Javi that your best solution to your current predicament was playing rock, paper, scissors. 

“Best 2 out of 3?” You shrugged, grimacing at Javi as you tried not to burst into laughter, Javi shaking his head and snickering, raising an eyebrow at you. 

“You’re ridiculous, I hope you know that. Do you wanna go after ‘rock’ or say ‘shoot’, then go?” Javi asked, loud enough for your guests to catch on to what was happening, giggles and laughter coming from the crowd. 

“What kind of psychopath doesn’t say ‘shoot’ first? Javier Peña, are you telling me that we need to call off this wedding right now because you don’t say ‘shoot’ before playing rock, paper, scissors? Because I will.” 

Everyone around you was now in full blown hysterics, including Javi, giving you the sassiest look he could muster through his laughter, holding his hands out to mirror yours. 

“So ‘for better or for worse’ doesn’t apply to rock, paper, scissors, apparently?” He teased, smirking at you with a subtle wink as he bit down on his lip. 

“Not if you’re gonna play like that it won’t.”  

“Pendejo.” 

“You love me.” 

“I really fucking do.” 

Giggling as you gestured at your outstretched fist, you began to countdown from your “rock, paper, scissors, adding an extra emphasis on ‘shoot’ as you held out rock and Javi held out scissors. With another laugh, the two of you started again, this time, you with paper and Javi with rock, smirking as you crossed your arms over your chest at Javi, the rest of your guests laughing right along with you. 

“Winner, winner, chicken dinner, Javier Peña. You’re stuck going second.” 

“Go for it, you dork.” 

As the laughter from the crowd settled, you opened your vows book, taking a deep breath as you stared up at Javi, who, despite your silliness, still had tears beginning to well in his puppy dog brown eyes before you could even say your first word. You took one last gulp of confidence, wondering how in the world you were supposed to make it through even a sentence through your speech without falling apart. 

“I never used to believe in fate. People would always tell me that ‘some things are just meant to be!’ or ‘it was just fate it happened like that!’ and no matter how hard I tried to believe, fate just never made sense to me. Well, that was until about a year ago, when fate decided to bump right into me when I least expected it.” You could feel your voice already beginning to shake, huffing in a quick sniffle before continuing on. 

“As fate may have it, I quite literally bumped into you when you were forced to come give a presentation to a group of rowdy 8 and 9 year olds. Thank god fate also was on my side that day- that I actually looked halfway presentable and wasn’t covered in spilled chocolate milk, glue, or the snot of whatever kid had sneezed a little too close to me that morning.” That one had the better part of the crowd letting out a laugh alongside Javi, easing your stress and tension about your speech while you carried on, reading the notes jotted in your booklet. 

“When I first came to Laredo, I wasn’t really quite sure what I was looking for. After my brother died and decided I needed to be as far away from Chicago as possible, there wasn’t ever really a doubt in my mind that here was the only place I really wanted to be. I spent the better half of my middle school and high school vacations here, visiting my best friend who had moved away. To me, Laredo was always a place that brought me such peace and comfort. I’m not really sure why, but there was always something about being here for those few weeks every year that made it feel like home, even when home was halfway across the country. But what I didn’t realize, was that in my attempt to find a new home for myself, I began to learn that home wasn’t a physical location, or a place you could travel to. After meeting you, Javier Peña, I found out that home was wherever I was with you.” 

Taking a shaky breath, you looked up from your vows to see sweet Javi, covering his mouth, as if he was trying to trap his tears to keep from completely breaking down at your words, his reaction only making you cry harder, trying your best to re-compose yourself before speaking again. 

“I spent so long wondering if I would ever find someone who would ever make me feel the way that you do- to love me for all of my flaws, to make me feel important, and even laugh at all of my stupid jokes that probably don’t deserve to be laughed at, but you love me enough to do it anyways. Now that’s true love.” You smirked, raising your eyebrow at Javi, making the two of you snicker between your tears. “You make me feel like the only person in the world whenever I’m with you. The only person who knows me better than I know myself. You are truly one of the most thoughtful and caring people that I have ever met. And while I could list off a million adjectives to describe all of the reasons I fell in love with you- smart, brave, determined, handsome- just to name a few, out of all of those reasons, the one that made me fall for you the most was your big heart. And while I know you’ll never believe me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to get you to see the same amazing man I fall more and more in love with every single day.”

At this point, there was not a dry eye in the crowd, watching how emotional you and Javi were as you tried to choke your way through the rest of your vows. 

“I will never know what I did to deserve you in my life, but promise that I will spend the rest of it letting you know how forever thankful I will always be that out of all the people in the world you could have chosen to bump into, that it was me. I am so excited that the rest of my life, all of the moments, big, small, and everything in between, will all be moments spent with you. That every moment will be spent with my best friend. I never would have thought that a little bit of fate would have become my forever, but I’ll always be so grateful that it is. I love you so much, Javier Peña. Thanks for being the reason I finally believe in fate.” 

Wiping away the wetness streaming down your cheeks, you could barely even look at Javi, who was an absolute blubbering mess, laughing through your tears almost to keep you from completely melting into a puddle. 

Reaching out to grab him, you took Javi’s hand in yours, squeezing it reassuringly as you took your other hand up to wipe the tears streaming down his cheeks, the both of you smiling as you looked into each other's eyes.

“And that’s why I wanted to go first. Good luck.” You chuckled, making Javi shake his head as he laughed along with you, taking another deep breath before flipping open his own vows, wondering how in the world he was ever going to make it through speaking, considering how easily he had fallen apart just listening to you. 

“Jesus Christ, well I don’t know how I’m really supposed to follow that.” Javi sighed, the crowd giggling at his remark as he opened up to his first page, staring at his words for a moment before looking back up at you, his deep, chocolate, puppy dog eyes melting you just as quickly as the first time that you locked eyes with him. 

“I’ve uh- I’ve never really been great speeches. When I sat down to write this, I wasn’t really sure where to start. I had no idea how I was supposed to fit all of the things that I wanted to say into all of this.” Javi huffed with a little shrug, gesturing to his notebook. 

“So I um- I figured if there’s anywhere I should start, it should probably be at the beginning. My mom was an elementary school teacher, so growing up, I spent a lot of time at Alma Pierce Elementary School. I swear, I knew that place like the back of my hand. But um, after my mom got sick and passed away, I really never thought I’d ever have a reason to back. Until one day last year, I was told to pack up my stuff to go give a presentation at a local elementary school, which turned out to be none other than Alma Pierce. My mom always used to say “La vida es graciosa, no lo crees?” (Life is funny, isn’t it?), and I never quite understood why. But as I walked back into the place where I had spent so much of my life just out of chance, I swear I could hear her laughing at me, saying “Te lo dije.” (I told you so).” 

You could hear everyone who had had the privilege of knowing Lucia letting out a soft laugh, thinking of all of the times they must have heard her say that all too familiar phrase throughout their time knowing her. 

“I had gotten to a point in my life that I had kind of just accepted that maybe this kind of life wasn’t in the cards for me. I wasn’t gonna get married or have a family, and as much as it hurt, I had learned to be okay with it. The last thing I would have thought would have happened to me after leaving the presentation I had to give that day was that I was already head over heels in love with the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my entire life, but la vida es graciosa, no le crees?” 

Giving you a little smirk, Javi could help but let a smile slowly spread between his cheeks as he looked at you, gazing up at him in complete and utter adoration, your goofy grin mirroring his. 

“Never in a million years would I have thought that I would have been standing here today, getting married to you. If you would have told me that I got to marry the most beautiful, amazing, kind, and stubbornly independent woman on the face of this earth, I would have laughed in your face. I honestly still feel like I need to pinch myself to prove that this is even real. But I guess that even if this is all a dream, I don’t ever want to wake up. Being loved by you has changed me in a way that I will never be able to thank you enough for. Being loved by you has made me a better man than I ever believed that I could be. A better man than I ever thought I deserved to be. A man who has learned to love and believe in love in ways I didn’t think I was capable of. I will never be able to thank you enough for letting me into your life and loving me for who I am, and for wanting to spend the rest of it with me.” 

Now, it was your turn to morph into an inconsolable mess, reaching out to grab Javi’s hand again, silently reassuring him that you were equally as grateful for the fact that Javi had let you into his life, too. 

“And no matter how tough, or challenging, or funny life gets, I know it can never really be that bad, because I’ll always have you by my side through it all. I think my mamá would be so proud to know I finally understand what she was trying to say all those years about life being so funny. Because it seems like life has a funny way of giving you everything you’ve ever wanted. Te amo, Osita. Gracias por ser mi todo. (I love you, Osita. Thank you for being my everything).” 

Without even thinking, you threw your arms around Javi’s shoulders wrapping him in a long, tight hug, sobbing into his jacket in a fit of happy tears, Javi hugging you right back, squeezing around your waist, gently cradling the back of your head in the warmth of your embrace. 

“Well shit… Alright, well I’m not sure if you guys are allowed to do that, but after those vows, I think we can let it slide.” David joked, trying to quickly wipe his eyes, nudging Charlie to do the same to try and pull themselves together to make sure they could finish out the rest of the ceremony. 

“Fuck, sorry.” Javi whispered, reluctantly pulling away from you, everyone in the crowd following your brothers’ suite, smiling as they brushed away the wetness welling in their own eyes from listening to your vows. 

“Well, I’d ask if anyone needs to object before we continue, but I think it’s pretty darn clear that these two idiots love each other more than life itself, so I’m just gonna skip that part.” Charlie joked, making you and Javi smirk in agreement. “Alright Miss Olivia, it’s your time to shine, do you have the rings?” He asked, your niece’s face lighting up in excitement as she nodded her head frantically, shooting up out of her seat to dash towards the two of you, carefully holding the ring box like a newborn baby bird in her hands. 

Daintily, she passed the box off to her dad before scampering over to both you and Javi, wrapping her arms around your waists to pull you close in a hug, smiling up at each of you with her toothy, goofy grin. 

“I love you Auntie Bear and Uncle Javi.” Olivia beamed, giggling in pure bliss and joy before skipping back to her seat among the guests, the both of your hearts bursting at the seams with the chores of “awhhhhs” coming from the crowd for your adorable niece. 

“Someone’s trying to get an extra slice of cake tonight huh, Miss Olivia?” David teased, your guests erupting with laughter at her not so innocent shrug to her Uncle’s question, knowing damn well she was just as much of a ham as you. “I trusted the six year old to carry these, can I trust you two not to drop them, or do you need to cry some more first?” 

“Oh shut up, David.” You sighed, rolling your eyes at your brother as you and Javi each took the rings to give one another, carefully holding the shiny gold bands in your hands, counting down the moments until you finally got to say “I do”. 

“Alright, ladies first, so I guess that means you, Cubby. You ready?” 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more ready for anything, you dingus, get this show on the road.” 

“Alright, here goes nothin’. This is the part I actually had to practice, so God forbid I mess this one up huh? Do you,” David giggled, saying your real name instead of the nicknames you had lovingly bestowed upon you for as long as you could remember, “Take Javi to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as you both shall live?” 

“I do.” 

Carefully slipping the gold band onto Javi’s finger, you could feel your heart bursting in anticipation, biting down on your lip to try and contain your excitement, slowly pulling your hand away to let your brothers finish the second half of the exchange. 

“And do you, Javier Peña, take our sister,” Charlie and David snickered again, having to say your full name for a second time, “to be your wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as you both shall live?” 

“I do.” 

Gently grabbing your palm and gliding the glistening ring onto your finger, Javi rubbed his thumb over the pair of bands nestled together, forever making a home on your hand, his eyes welling at the sight of the sign that you would always be his. 

Intertwining your fingers together and hands clasped in front of you, you and Javi were radiating with joy, anxiously staring back and forth between each other and your brothers for them to finally say those magic words you had been waiting to hear since the moment you had met all that time ago. 

“Well ladies and gentleman… by the power vested in us, the internet and the state of Texas, it’s our honor to introduce to you the new Mr. and Mrs. Peña.” Charlie grinned at you, trying not to burst into laughter at the near panicked look on your faces, not having heard the next set of words you were more than dying to hear. 

“Well go on, you lovebirds, kiss already!” David snickered, shrugging at the pair of you with a grin on his face. 

Before he could barely finish his sentence, Javi’s hands were cupping your face, palms cradling your jaw as he brought his mouth to yours, fireworks exploding in your stomach at the electric intensity of his kiss, so soft and tender, yet so desperate and needy, like it was the first time his lips had ever met yours, and that he never, ever wanted to let them go. 

Your hands shot up to grab his face too, a smile creeping across your mouth with your lips still pressed to his as Javi dipped you down, sliding his hand down the small of your back to hold you before pulling you back up, his lips still locked on yours like glue. 

In that moment, it seemed like time stood still, that nothing else in the world existed besides the two of you- nothing else mattered besides the fact that you were here, kissing the man that you loved more than anything in the world. 

The man that you finally got to call your husband. 

Over the cheers, whistling, and hollering from your friends and family, the both of you were finally snapped back to reality as David gave you a little nudge and a look that screamed “gross, save it for the honeymoon.” 

Reluctantly breaking from your kiss, you grabbed Javi’s hand in yours, holding your fists in the air and cheering in excitement right alongside your guests before heading back up the aisle, your cheeks hurting from how hard they were smiling. So lost in your excitement, you turned your head as you felt Javi stop, tugging you back to the middle of the aisle, smirking as he pulled you close to his chest, whispering in your ear. 

“Not so fast, Mrs. Peña. C’mere.” Grabbing your face and wrapping his arm around your waist, Javi was kissing you again, swinging you down in another dip that had you erupting in giggles and your guests cheering even louder, Javi’s smooth moves soliciting a loud “OW OW” most definitely from Steve. 

“God, I love you.” You smirked as Javi pulled you back up to stand before the two of you were nearly skipping down the rest of the aisle in bliss, racing to the back of the crowd where you had entered the ceremony, turning the corner behind the house where no one could see you, not even bothering to look over your shoulder to see who’d followed you before your lips were crashing into each others again. 

This one was nowhere near as tame as the kisses you had just shared moments ago- this kiss was a tangled mess of tongues and teeth, Javi’s hands creeping dangerously close to the curve of your ass as you tugged at the lapels of his suit jacket, your mouths moving in a messy dance as you whispered muffled and muted words between your kisses. 

“Fuck, my beautiful wife. God, I’m so fucking lucky. I love you so much.” 

“I love you so much too, Javi, I’m so-” 

“Jesus Christ, it’s been 30 seconds and y’all can’t keep your hands to yourselves? C’mon, now. Y’all gotta whole week and a half to do this without having to subject the rest of us to it, Mr. and Mrs. Peña.” Steve laughed, making the both of you gasp as he slapped Javi on the back, immediately making your cheeks flush pink in embarrassment and Javi groan in annoyance at his best man’s timely (or untimely) disruption. 

“Steve, c’mon like you didn’t have your hands all over me after we got married.” Connie sighed, now smacking the back of her own husband’s head, making him wince in pain. “Congratulations, you two. We’re so happy for you.” 

“Thanks, Connie.” You and Javi smiled, Javi still keeping his hand wrapped around your waist as the rest of your wedding party started making their way back up the aisle to greet you, too.

“Also having gotten married before, you’re gonna thank me later as I make you go find your brothers to sign your marriage license somewhere that has a little peace and quiet before you get none the rest of the night. Why don’t you guys head inside and I’ll cover for you for a little, okay?” 

“You’re the best, Connie, thanks.” Javi grinned, pulling you away towards the house, quietly sneaking in through the front door to wait for your brothers, Javi looking both ways around the seemingly empty house before pulling you close again. 

“Javi, Charlie and David are gonna be in here any minute, and they’re gonna give us just as much shit as Steve, if not more.” You giggled, gazing up into Javi’s eyes, still awestruck and giddy. 

“I know. Just one more kiss, mi esposa (my wife).” Javi smirked, tilting his head down to press his lips to yours, his thumb tracing soft circles on your cheek as the rest of his fingers cradled your jaw, tilting your eyes up towards him. “Fuck, you’re finally my wife. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that.” 

“Good thing we have the rest of our lives to get used to it, huh?” 

People weren’t kidding when they said that your wedding would be a blur- From the moment the ceremony ended, it felt like everything was moving in fast and slow motion at the same time, being pulled in every direction to talk with family members, take pictures, and make sure that things were running smoothly. As much as you and Javi were both trying to soak in every moment of your special day together, it was safe to say the two of you were feeling a little overwhelmed by the time you had gotten to dinner, and couldn’t have been more thankful to have a moment to finally sit down. 

More importantly, you were so glad that you had gotten to the point where you had a drink, some delicious food in your stomach, and the best part of the night ahead of you- dancing. 

The sun was beginning to set on the horizon of the Peña ranch as dinner was coming to a close, the clanging of forks and knives against dinner plates slowly shifting to chatter and conversation that was filling the space of the white tent that had been propped up in the backyard for your reception. 

You weren’t really sure what to expect when you had decided on a backyard wedding, but with the absolutely stunning work your mom, Connie, sister in law, and Javi’s aunt’s had put together for you, they had made a white tent feel like something out of a fairytale. String lights and greenery were strung across above you, long tables decorated in candles and beautiful garlands of eucalypts, sprinkled white and pink roses from Lucia’s garden, along with cute, colorful vintage cups that the women had collected or thrifted for your guests to use. Everything about your setup felt magical, and with the sun sinking and fading into dusk, the glow and twinkles of the lights illuminating your space only made it feel that much more incredible. 

As the two of you sat at your head table, bellies full and hearts happy, feeling a little tipsy from the extra strong margaritas Javi’s cousin seemed to be making, you were a little worried as what looked like a more than just tipsy Steve approached you, slapping a stack of index cards in front of you. 

“Listen… I’m like the perfect level of drunk to give this best man speech. Any less drunk and I’ll be too fuckin’ nervous to do it, and any more drunk I’m not gonna be able to remember what I’m supposed to say. Y’all good to keep this movin’ so you can do your first dance and then we can get this party started?” 

“Jesus Christ, Murph…” Javi sighed, laughing at his friend, now sassily crossing his arms over his chest at Javi. “This speech better be good.” 

“It’s good, and Connie approved, so you know I won’t say any dumb shit. Well, not if we don’t start soon and I keep drinking more.” Steve paused, letting out a low burp, rubbing his stomach and grimacing at the two of you, snorting at him. 

“Take it away, Shakespeare.” You smiled, gesturing your arm out to the dance floor in front of the guests sitting at their tables, chatting away. You couldn’t help but laugh as Steve confidently made his way to the front of the crowd, Connie silently mouthing “I’m so sorry”  from across the room, pointing at her husband, now ready to take the stage. 

“Hey y’all,” Steve started, bellowing his voice loud enough to catch everyone’s attention, making them pause their chit chat and focus their attention on him. “I’m Steve Murphy. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Javi’s best man. Normally it’s customary for a guy like me to come up and say a few words about the bride and groom, so lucky for y’all, I’m your guy tonight. You’re welcome, Jav.” 

The crowd laughed as Javi sighed, rolling his eyes at Steve and shaking in his head in fear of what was to come, sliding your hand over to rest on his thigh, giving your now husband a little squeeze of reassurance to have some faith in his friend. 

“I have had the pleasure of knowing Javi for a long time now. It’s been, what, 17 years now, Jav?” Steve asked, turning back to look for confirmation. 

“It’s been too long.” Javi replied, shaking his head, his witty response only making your friends and family laugh more. 

“Whatever, you grumpy old bastard. Anyways, I first met Javi when I found out that I would be his partner down in Colombia working for the DEA. Not gonna lie, when I first met him, while I’ve never admitted this until now, I was pretty intimidated by the guy. He was cool, smart, respected, even though his jeans were way too fuckin’ tight.” Steve teased, winking at Javi, making you snicker from the few pictures you had seen from back in the day when Javi was in Colombia, knowing exactly what Steve meant. 

“I’ll spare you all the details of our time down there, but through all of our trials and tribulations, despite our differences and disagreements, the one thing I always admired about Javi is that he really cared about what he did. No matter what, he always cared about trying to do the right thing for the people he cared most about. Now, believe me, if you would have asked me all those years ago if I would have ever pictured Javi here today, gettin’ married, buildin’ a house and talkin’ about startin’ a family? Well shit, I prolly woulda told you that you were bat shit crazy. But, if there’s anyone in the world who deserves every ounce of all that domestic, lovely dovey bliss, it’s this man right here.” Steve smiled softly, pointing back to Javi who couldn’t help but let his heart fill with warmth at the sentiment from his friend, your hand rubbing up and down Javi’s leg, his grasping over yours to hold it tight. 

“Javi, I know you’ll never believe me when I tell you this, but I’m real proud of ya, man. And I hope you know how goddamn lucky you are that this beautiful woman has agreed to spend the rest of her life with your grumpy ass. Speaking of which…” Steve smirked, turing back to look at you with a goofy grin, making you raise an eyebrow at whatever stupid comment was bound to come out of his mouth. 

“Mrs. Peña. I never thought I’d live to see the day Javi was so in love. When he called me a few weeks after the two of you first met, and was all jazzed and excited to tell me about this beautiful girl he had started datin’ and how happy he was, I just about damn near fell down. He never said it on that phone call, but I knew that this sorry shit was absolutely head over heels in love with you.” 

That comment had you giggling at Javi’s blushing face, his cheeks turning pink at Steve’s story, even though he knew damn well it was the truth. 

“I couldn’t think of anyone who would be more perfect for Javi if I tried. When I first met you and saw how sickeningly cute y’all were together, God’s honest truth, my first question I asked Javi was when he was plannin’ on buyin’ a ring. Glad to see that sometimes he’ll take my advice. Sweetheart, I can’t thank you enough for being so good to my best friend right there. I hope he knows how lucky he is to have someone like you.” 

Grabbing your hand, Javi interlocked his fingers with your underneath the table, softly smiling at you and gently nodding his head in agreement. 

“I also need to thank you that he’s finally got someone else to worry about him instead of me. One less thing off my back. No offense, Jav. Alright, well, y’all have probably heard enough of me yappin’, and y’all are anything like me, you’re ready for more drinkin’ and dancin’. To Mr. and Mrs. Peña-” Steve paused, grabbing the nearest drink he could find and raising it up in the air, prompting the rest of your guests to do the same. “Wishin’ you two lovebirds a lifetime of happiness. I love you guys. Cheers!” 

Over the applause and cheerful shouting, Steve rushed his way back over to the two of you, slotting himself in between your seats so his head poked out between yours, wrapping his arms around both your shoulders and pulling you in for a hug. 

“Nice work, Murph.” Javi smiled, patting Steve on the back, laughing to himself at how genuinely thoughtful Steve’s speech had turned out to be. 

“Thanks, Steve. Your speech was really great. How much did Connie have to edit out?” You snickered, looking back between him and Javi. 

“... Let’s just say I left out the part about y’all horny bastards needin’ to be better about lockin’ your doors when other people are around.” Steve chuckled, shaking both of you in his grap, You and Javi’s eyes sheepishly darting to the ground in embarrassment. 

“Fuck off, Murph.” 

“Love you too, Jav.” 

With one last pat on the back for each of you, before you could say anything else, Steve was already halfway across the tent back to the bar to congratulate himself for getting through his speech without any major slip ups or major scoldings from Connie after he returned back to his table. 

“Thank God for Connie.” You grimaced, laughing at Javi whose face was buried in his palm, shaking his head at his friend, wondering why he would expect any less from him. “...He’s not wrong, though.” 

“I’m triple checking that I lock all the doors later so I don’t give him any more reasons to be right…” Javi sighed, giving you a little nudge while the hand that had been holding yours suddenly let go, resting on your thigh over your dress, giving it a long squeeze, making your heart race in anticipation, his eyes locking with yours, telling you everything you needed to know.  

Some way, some how, Javi was going to find a way to fuck you before the night was done. 

“Javi…” You whispered, heat creeping through your cheeks, trying your best to keep from blushing as you locked eyes with him, his devilish grin and lust pooling in the dark brown of his eyes entrancing you in a way that had butterflies swirling in your core and ache rapidly beginning to grow between your legs. 

“Si, Mi esposa?” (Yes, my wife?), Javi smirked back, running his hand further up your thigh and closer to your core as his other hand came up to cup your face, thumb tracing back and forth across your skin, toying just enough to tug at the corner of your lip. 

While you had gotten a little bit of alone time with Javi today, the way that the both of you had been absolutely insatiable for each other after seeing each other in your wedding attire, let alone the fact that you were now actually married? You and Javi were both dying to try and find a second to yourselves without interruption, especially from Steve. 

So caught up in awe of each other, you and Javi hadn’t even noticed your DJ, standing next to your table, quietly clearing his throat to try and get your attention. 

“Hey, uh- Mr. and Mrs. Peña?” He interjected, loud enough to finally snap you and Javi out of the horny stare down you had entered, “Are um- are you two ready for the first dance?” 

“Oh, um- yeah, y-yeah, sorry about that.” Javi grumbled, the two of you quickly trying to snap out of the thick heat of sexual tension that had been growing between you, both readjusting yourselves in your seats as you looked up sheepishly at the DJ,  “Sorry, what did you say?” 

“I asked if you two were ready to do your first dance? If you um, if you need some more time I can-” 

“No, we’re okay, thanks.” You grimaced, trying to keep from giggling and blushing as you looked over at Javi and then back at your DJ. “You ready to dance, Mr. Peña?” 

“Never been more ready, Mrs. Peña.” Javi replied, grabbing your hand as the two of you stood up, out of your seats walking to the edge of the dance floor while your DJ headed back to his booth. 

“Hello everyone! We’re going to get ready to start our first dance with the newlyweds, so if you could please direct your attention to the dance floor, we’re about to get started!” 

Before you could even take a step out onto the floor, the cheering and clinking of knives against glasses was erupting amongst the crowd, Javi happily taking the opportunity to grab you by the waist and pull you in for a long, deep kiss, making you giggle against his lips still pressed to yours as he dipped you down, before pulling you back against his chest. 

“Show off.” You snickered, raising an eyebrow at him as he finally pulled away from your kiss, staring down at you with a goofy grin. 

“Better get used to it, Mrs. Peña. I’ve got the whole rest of our lives to keep showing you off.” Javi smirked, shooting you a wink before tugging you out into the center of the dance floor, patiently waiting for your song to start as you draped one arm around his neck, Javi snaked his hand around your waist, and the pair of your other hands joined clasped at your side. 

It was then that the melodic violin entrance to “At Last” by Etta James began to play, Javi smiling down softly at your agreed upon choice for your first dance song after lots of debate and discussion the past few months. 

At last 

My love has come along

My lonely days are over

And life is like a song

As the music began to play, you and Javi began to sway back and forth to the syrupy symphony of the song, your heart bursting and stomach filling with the same butterflies it had the first time you had met Javi all those months ago. 

“I’m glad we picked this one.” Javi smiled, the two of you circling your way around the dance floor, eyes locked on each other.  

“Me too. It always makes me think of making breakfast with you on the weekend and all the little moments I love with you.” You grinned back, letting go of Javi’s hand to drape both arms over his shoulder and around his neck. 

“It makes me think of spilling that entire bowl of pancake batter all over Bear and then having to chase him around the house to get him in the tub.” Javi sighed, rolling his eyes as he laughed to himself, tightening his grip around your waist to pull you closer. 

I found a dream that I could speak to

A dream that I can call my own 

I found a thrill to press my cheek to

A thrill that I have never known 

“Me too. God, who would have thought that a year ago we’d be having our first dance at our wedding talking about spilling pancake batter all over our dog.” You giggled, leaning to rest your head against Javi’s chest. 

“I did.” 

Looking up at Javi, you could feel your cheeks warming, staring at his big brown eyes welling with tears, trying your best to now hold back the wetness pooling under your lashes. 

“Osita, I swear, from the moment I saw you smile at me, I knew that you were the only woman in the world I ever wanted. I knew you were the one I wanted my forever with. I’ll never get over the fact that I’m the luckiest man alive. I love you so fucking much.” Javi choked back, letting one of his hands slide up your face, gently cupping your cheek as he tilted his head in for a soft kiss on your lips before pulling away for another one on your forehead. 

You smiled, you smiled 

Oh and then the spell was cast

And here we are in Heaven 

As the song began to slow, the sweet melody winding down to its close, Javi lifted up his arm to let you twirl beneath him before spinning you back into his chest and wrapping his arm around your waist to catch you as he dipped you down again, your mouths meeting in a long, tender kiss, electricity sparking between your lips and butterflies swirling in your stomach. 

For you are mine 

At last 

“I love you too, Javier Peña.” 

Over the applause of your guests, you could hear an obnoxiously loud “OW OW” from the crowd, coming from a now even more intoxicated Steve, making you and Javi laugh at his reaction, swiftly followed by Connie’s sharp jab to his ribs to get him to settle down. 

“Alright ladies and gents,” The DJ spoke over the rumble of voices at the dinner tables, “Let’s have one more big round of applause for our newlyweds!” 

As the crowd began to clap again, and Steve, threatened by another blow to his side, cheering at an appropriate volume, the DJ spoke again with the announcement you had been patiently waiting for since the ceremony finished. 

“Alright everyone, with our first dance done, it’s time for the best part of the night, the dance floor is officially open! Let’s party!” 

As the blaring intro to “Jump Around” began to blast to your speakers, your friends and family rushed to the dance floor, you let out a squeal of surprise as Javi snatched you up around your middle, lifting you up to spin you around in a fit of giggles. 

“Vamos a bilar, mi esposa.”  (Let’s dance, wife) 

The rest of the night was the best kind of celebration that you could have asked for- the joy of being surrounded by your friends and family, dancing the night away to your favorite songs, and drinking one too many margaritas with your husband was everything you could have asked for and more on your wedding night. 

It was no shock to you that your family had no problem making absolute fools of themselves out on the dance floor, happily (and drunkenly) flailing along to every single song, although your brothers’ and Steve’s enthusiastic sing-along to “Baby Got Back” was impressive, to say the least. 

And while you and Javi had expected your family to act a fool, what neither of you had expected was how excited Chucho was to bust out dance moves of his own, taking everyone by surprise as he joined all your co-workers and Javi’s co-workers (who had quickly become best friends on the dance floor), to shake his way through “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls, leaving you in hysterics, and Javi in stunned embarrassment at his dad’s antics. 

As the evening began to creep later and later into the hours of the night, a very sleepy Olivia approached you and Javi on the dance floor, gently tugging at your dress and his pants for attention with puppy dog eyes plastered on her face that almost gave Javi’s a run for his money. 

“Auntie Bear and Uncle Javi, can I pick a song? Pleaseeeeeee?” Olivia begged, pouting her bottom lip at the two of you, absolutely melting your hearts in an instant. 

“Of course, mi amor.” Javi smiled, caving immediately as he crouched down to her level, her face lighting up in delight at her uncle’s response, coming close to whisper in his ear. 

If you couldn’t have already been more in love with your husband, watching him listen intently to what your niece had to say, nodding in agreement before scoping her up to rest on his hip, you were practically in a puddle now. 

“Me and Miss Olivia are gonna go make a song request.” 

“But Auntie Bear, you have to let me dance with Uncle Javi first, okay?” Olivia quickly added, very adamantly. 

“Of course, lil Miss. Have fun, you two.” You smirked as Javi and Olivia made their way over to the DJ, watching Olivia’s face light up instantly as the DJ agreed to her request, Javi carrying Olivia out to the middle of the dance floor and setting her down on the ground as the end of the song slowly began to fade into your niece’s song choice. 

With her love for the movie, you shouldn’t have been surprised at all that her pick was “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” from the Lion King Soundtrack, but even though you weren’t shocked at her choice, there was nothing that going to be able to prepare you for the gut wrenching cuteness that was your now husband, dancing with your niece. 

It had already gotten to the point in the night that Javi’s suit jacket and tie were long gone, 3 buttons undone and sleeves rolled up to his forearms, and the once neat curls of his dark hair now messily sweeping his forehead from your night of dancing, and if the sight of just how goddamn handsome Javi looked, on top of the fact he was now officially your husband, paired with the sight of him slow dancing to the Lion King with Olivia? 

Your ovaries were just about shot to hell. 

As the song played and Javi and Oliva spun around the dance floor in a fit of smiles and giggles, you couldn’t help but wish with every bone in your body that it was your daughter that Javi was dancing with, nearly falling to your knees the thought of making him a dad, on top of being your husband. And if that wasn’t enough, the two of you were finally married, and that meant half of your bargain to start trying for kids was complete- and with the other half being your house finally finishing with construction which was almost close to being done as well, you were so close to start trying for a baby of your own, you could almost taste it. 

And that? That drove you crazy enough to feel like you were going to combust. 

So stuck in your daydream, you didn’t even notice Olivia running up to you, now tugging at your dress again, letting out a little sleepy yawn as she tried to get your attention. 

“Okay Auntie Bear, you can dance with Uncle Javi now. Thanks for letting me pick a song.” Olivia smiled as you sunk down to meet her, wrapping her in a hug. 

“Of course, Olivia. Thank you for being the best flower girl today. I love you, cutie patootie. Alright, I’m gonna go dance with Uncle Javi now, okay?” 

“I love you too, Auntie Bear. I think Uncle Javi misses you, he wouldn’t stop looking at you the whole time we were dancing. I think he wants to kiss you again, but that’s gross. Yuck.” Oliva grimaced, making you giggle as she stuck out her tongue before watching her scamper away back to her sisters and the Murphy girls to dance some more. 

As you turned back, bracing yourself to stand back up, you were greeted with Javi’s large palm held out in front of you, pulling you up to greet his handsome grin while you looked up at him. 

“I’ve been told I have permission to come dance with you now.” 

“It did take some persuading, I told her I’d save an extra piece of cake for her if she let me go dance with you.” Javi chuckled, pulling you back out onto the dance floor, slowly swaying back and forth to the beat. 

“Watching you two out there is dangerous.” You smirked, raising an eyebrow at Javi as he cocked his head in confusion. 

“What do you mean, hermosa?” 

“I mean,” You paused, standing up a little bit taller, throwing one arm over Javi’s shoulder, running your hand through the hairs at the nape of his neck to whisper in his ear, “Watching the two of you made me think about how much I wanna make you a dad. And now that we’re married and the house is almost done, we actually get to start trying soon.” 

It took everything in Javi not to let out an audible moan, letting out a gulp and scrunching his eyes shut for a moment to try and maintain his composure at what you had just said to him, his grip around your waist immediately tightening and eyes darkening as he opened them, staring down at you, absolutely awestruck. 

“Fuck me.” He muttered to himself, almost shaking his head in disbelief that after all of the time you had spent talking about wanting kids and nights you’ve had wishing there hadn’t been any birth control to keep you from having them were now an almost tangible reality, “Is that what you want, mi esposa? My wife wants me to give her a baby?” 

Javi’s voice rasped in your ear, sending shivers down your spine, your stomach flipping in arousal at the hot breath of his words against your skin, knowing what had started as a sweet and simple moment of Javi dancing with Olivia had quickly shifted into a desperate want, no, need, for him to give you what you were asking for. 

As the music slowly faded into the next song, bodies shuffling and dancing to the more upbeat tune that had followed Olivia’s choice, the both of your figures stood frozen on the dance floor in a silent exchange of racing hearts and yearning glances before Javi took your hand in his. 

“Follow me.” 

In an instant, Javi was tugging you across the dance floor, the two of you dodging and weaving your way through your guests with polite smiles and happy waves, doing everything you could to try and sneak away as discreetly as possible in hopes that everyone would be too preoccupied (or too drunk) to realize that you were gone. 

But at this point, you really didn’t care whether anyone noticed if you were gone or not. Truth be told, the only thing you cared about was finally getting to fuck your husband. 

Finally making it through the worst of the maze of people, you and Javi had made your way to the back porch, quietly peeking your heads through the door, checking to make sure the coast was clear before hastily slipping inside, gently shutting the door behind you before sneaking down the hall to Javi’s room, thanking whatever higher power had let the two of you get to his bedroom in peace. 

From the moment Javi had shut the door behind him, you were all over each other in an instant, hands roaming across each other’s bodies as you stumbled until the back of your legs hit the mattress, flopping down onto the bed, Javi’s body caging yours in his frame. Your lips crashed together in a hungry clash, tongues, teeth and moans melting together between your mouths as Javi hiked up the skirt of your dress, running his hands along your thighs, squeezing the soft flesh in his firm grasp before his fingers crept towards your aching core, ghosting over the white, lacy fabric covering your cunt, already soaking with arousal. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet, hermosa. My wife’s pretty little pussy all wet for me, huh?” Javi rasped, the pads of his fingers pressing more pressure over your covered clit, making you whimper in delight. 

“It’s all yours, Javi. Yours forever, baby.” You moaned, your breath hitching in the back of your throat as Javi’s fingers dipped under the waistband of your underwear, collecting the slick pooling around your folds before plunging his two fingers inside your heat and thumbing at your sensitive bundle of nerves, pure bliss running through your veins at his touch. 

Your response had Javi practically growling, a low groan rumbling in his chest as he looked down to see the golden and diamond bands glistening on your finger, awestruck at the beautifully blissed out mess you were already becoming as his fingers curled, prodding at the spongy spot inside you that he knew drove you wild. 

“You’re so fucking perfect, Osita. My beautiful wife. Fuck- I can’t believe your mine. I love you so fucking much.” Javi groaned, his words muffled between the hot, wet kisses he kept planting on your lips, feeling your cunt beginning to clench around his digits. 

“I l-love- fuck- I love you too, Javi.” You whimpered, the all too familiar tingle at the base of your spine beginning to build as Javi’s fingers pulsed in and out of your heat and thumb circled your throbbing clit, knowing with how worked up you were and how good he felt, it wouldn’t take much more before you were coming undone around his hand. 

“I know you’re close, baby. Let go, hermosa. Cum for me so I can fuck my wife and show her how much I love her.” 

“F-Fuckfuckfuck Javi. Don’t stop, baby, don’t s-sto-ahhhhhhhhh.” 

With his thumb circling faster and harder around your sensitive bundle of nerves, and fingers plunging in and out of your weeping hole, it wasn’t long before you could feel that all too familiar tingle spreading throughout your body, your orgasm flooding through every inch of you as you came around his fingers, soaking his hand. 

“That’s it, Osita. That’s my good girl. My good wife.” Javi groaned, making you whimper as he withdrew his fingers from your dripping heat, admiring the slick and shiny mess you had made around his fingers, entranced by the way your arousal had coated his wedding band as he brought his hand to his mouth, sucking his fingers clean before beginning to work at his belt. “You taste so fucking sweet, baby.” 

You sat back up, looking over your heaving chest to see Javi shuffling his pants and boxers down his thighs, leaving them to pool around his ankles, revealing his cock, already so painfully hard and weeping with precum from his tip. Reaching down to run his fingers through your folds again, he collected your slick on his hand before rubbing it up and down his length, stroking himself to line up with your entrance. 

“F-fuck, let me feel you baby, p-please.” You whined, reaching up to grab fistfuls of Javi’s shirt, tugging him down to kiss you and lay his body on top of yours. 

“Jesus fucking Christ…” Javi moaned, slowly filling you up with his cock inch by inch until he had bottomed out against your cervix, letting you adjust to the fullness as he relished in the wet and warmth of your pussy gripping around him like a vice. 

“M-move, Javi, please, baby.” The sweet sting and stretch of Javi’s length inside you already wanting to make your eyes roll to the back of your head. 

Javi began to languidly thrust himself in and out of your heat, dragging his cock almost painfully slowly against your velvety walls, cursing under his breath at the feeling of his balls beginning to tighten in his stomach, knowing there was no way he was going to be able to last as long as he would have wanted to in the moment. 

“Javiiiii” You whined, your arms wrapping around back, nails pressing into his shoulders as his cock hit the spot inside you that lit you ablaze. His hand snaked between your bodies, reaching down to rub your clit, still slow, taking his time with each graze of his fingertips as his pace held deep and steady. Every thrust in and out of his hips had you wrecked as he filled you so fully and intensely, moaning his name over and over while he grasped the meat of your thighs, pressing your knees against your chest to stretch you open even further.  

“God you’re so beautiful. My beautiful fucking wife. Gonna be such a beautiful mom for our kids.” Javi grunted, this thrusts becoming faster and sloppier as he let the reality of his marriage and actual attempts to start trying for a family burn a hole in the forefront of his mind, igniting something even feral within him, knowing he was one step closer to finally giving you and him what you both wanted more than anything. 

For Javi to get you pregnant.

The last sentence made your breath hitch in the back of your throat, whimpering at the notion that because you were finally married, there wasn’t much stopping you from tossing out your birth control tomorrow and trying to get pregnant by the end of the month. 

“J-Javi-” You whined, trying to form any sort of coherent thought as your brain short circuited from the pure bliss and heart racing thoughts running through your brain. 

“What, Osita?”  

“I-I want you- oh shit- to fuck a baby into me, Javi. I wanna throw out the rest of my birth control- I don’t care if the house- Jesus- isn’t finished. I wanna stop taking it tomorrow. I w-want you to- fuck- fill me up and get me pregnant.” 

You could practically feel the weight of Javi’s jaw dropping to the floor, eyes bulging out of his skull, and heart beating out of his chest, so shocked, he stopped himself mid thrust, just to make sure he had heard you correctly. 

“Osita- baby, are you- holy fuck- baby, are you serious?” 

You nodded your head frantically, grabbing the collar of his shirt to pull him in for an electric kiss before leaning back to whisper in his ear, your voice sultry and low. 

“I need my husband to fuck a baby into me. Please. Fuck a baby into me, Javi.” 

If Javi didn’t have his arms already braced on the bed, there’s no way in hell he wouldn’t have fallen over in pure delight at your request, his stomach now churning with the wildest mix of excitement, lust and pride, spreading up through his chest and across his face, the brown of his eyes darkening and awestruck smile widening. 

“You want me to fuck a baby into you, Hermosa?” Javi asked, almost rhetorically, a devilish grin spreading between his cheeks as he began to pound into you again, not even giving you a chance to respond, knowing damn well what your answer was.  

If his thrusts weren’t already frantically rushed and sloppy, they most definitely were now, Javi practically on the brink of his own high just from the thought of getting to fuck you, knowing there was a real, true chance of getting you pregnant, trying to fight with everything in him to keep from busting right then, needing to make sure that you came again before he did. 

The lewd noises of your moans, wetness of Javi’s cock sliding in and out of you, and his hips snapping against yours coated the walls of the room, the both of you having no regard for anyone who may have been close enough to hear you, so caught up in the moment, that at this point, you couldn’t have cared less if anyone caught the both of you. 

“Answer me, baby. Mierda- You want me to fuck a baby into you, huh? Want me to fucking fill you up and get you pregnant? Show everyone you’re mine with our baby growing inside you?” Javi grunted through gritted teeth, pounding into your g-spot with blinding force, frantically circling your clit as he felt your cunt begin to clench tighter and tighter around his cock, knowing you just needed a little bit more before he had you coming undone. 

“Y-yes- fuckfuckfuck- I need you to, Javi, p-please baby, please, please, pleaaahhhhhhh-” 

Just like that, you could feel yourself gushing around Javi’s cock as you came, your orgasm hitting you like a tidal wave, crashing through every inch of your body, euphoria flooding through your veins, screaming his name while he fucked you through your high, desperately chasing his own. 

“I’ll give it to you baby, I- fuck me- I’ll give you everything you want. I’ll give you as many babies as you want. I’ll give you a family, I’ll give you my heart, my soul, my everything, my- oh fuck!” 

Javi’s hips stuttered, forcing a low groan to rumble in his throat as he came, the hot ropes of his spend coating your walls, making sure to milk himself of every last drop inside you, still pulsing and thrusting inside you, ensuring that nothing went to waste. 

Slumping his body on top of yours, your chests rose and fell in sync, trying your best to catch your breaths as you came down from your highs, your mouths meeting in a sloppy kiss to try and ground  you back to reality. 

“Holy fuck…” You whispered through your labored pants, laughing to yourself from the pure bliss of what had just happened, staring up at Javi with a radiant grin, brushing the sweat-dampened curls from his forehead. 

Javi hissed as he carefully pulled out, leaning back enough to see the smile on your face, gently cupping your cheek as he looked down at you with a goofy grin of his own. 

“Osita… Were you being- baby, were you serious about what you said?” 

“Jav, I don’t think I’ve ever been more serious about anything in my entire life. Is-is that okay with you?” You asked, biting down on your lip. 

“Is that okay with me?” He asked, almost mockingly, chucking to himself as he shook his head in disbelief, “We can really throw it away tomorrow?” 

“Yup.” 

“And you won’t bring it with you on the honeymoon?” 

“Nope.” You replied, popping the “p” at the end of the word. 

“And there’s- holy fuck- there’s a chance you could actually get pregnant soon?” Javi asked, his face glowing brighter and brighter with each question he asked. 

“Mmmhhmmm. Well, I mean, it might not happen right away but- Ahhhh Javi!” You giggled as your husband aggressively peppered ticklish kisses across your entire face, making you squeal and squirm in delight. 

“Fuck, I love you so much. Thank you.” Javi smiled, tears welling in his eyes as he looked down at you. 

“Jav, baby, don’t cry! Why are you crying, you dork?” 

“You’ve given me everything I’ve ever wanted. You married me, we’re gonna have a family, it’s just- fuck, I promise, that I wanna spend the rest of my life until the day I die showing you how thankful I am that you chose me. That you gave me all the things I stopped thinking I deserved. I love you so much, it fucking hurts, Osita. Thank you for choosing me.” 

Sitting up, you threw your arms around Javi, pulling him close to you in the tightest hug you could muster, stroking the hair at the nape of his neck, feeling the weight of his body melt into yours, your bodies intertangled as one. 

“Javi, you’re the only one it ever could be. Te amo más de lo que las palabras pueden expresar. (I love you more than words can say).” 

“Hey! Lovebirds! Are y’all in here?” 

Over the music and chatter of the party outside, you and Javi had been completely oblivious to the all too familiar southern twang of Steve’s voice behind the bedroom door, gently knocking from the outside after being sent on a mission to find where in the world the two of you had been for nearly a half hour. 

“Hello? Mr. and Mrs. Peña?” Steve rapped again, getting nothing in response but silence. Steve shrugged, drunk enough to have no fear to pound on the door repeatedly until the two of you showed up, now reaching down at the doorknob and giving it a jiggle. 

Steve was shocked to find that he could turn the handle, writing off the fact that they two of you would be in a room with an unlocked door after the 10 pounds of shit he had given Javi, and with his inhibitions severely lowered, he had  no problem cranking the knob and pushing the bedroom door wide open. 

“Hello? Earth to Javi and Mrs. Peña, are y’all in here or not because I- Oh Jesus Christ!” Steve shrieked, opening up the door to see you and Javi, your dress still hoisted up to your waist, and Javi’s bare ass completely on display, making the both of you scream just as loud in surprise at your unwanted visitor. 

“Murphy! Get the fuck out!” Javi snarled, quickly scrambling to try and pull your dress back down and his pants back up. 

“Jesus Fuckin’ Christ!” Steve yelled, immediately bringing his hand to his face to cover up his eyes, trying to drunkenly stumble as quickly as he could back out of the room, but, because of his intoxicated state and self-imposed lack of vision, Steve found himself colliding head first with the wall, knocking himself to the ground before crawling across the floor like a frazzled toddler, kicking the door closed behind him. 

For as devastatingly embarrassed as you were by the whole debacle, you couldn’t help but cackle at the impeccable comedic timing of the whole thing, snickering to yourself as Javi finished buckling back up his pants and helping you up to stand before storming to the door, opening it to find Steve still sprawled on the floor in an a hysteric fit. 

“Are you fucking serious, Murph?” Javi growled, completely unamused. 

“God, I shoulda kept my bit that Connie cut in my speech. Y’all do know that doors have locks, right? Might be helpful if y’all learned how to use ‘em. Just food for thought.” Steve giggled, watching both of your faces grow beet red in embarrassment and at a loss for words. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Javi asked, pinching the arch of his nose between his fingers, shaking his head in frustration, looking down the hallway to make sure that Steve was the only presence you needed to worry about. 

“I’m tryin’ to save your asses before someone else worse than me walks in on the two of you gettin’ it on. Y’all do realize you’ve been gone for almost 45 minutes right? Being the- oh shit-” Steve paused, letting out a giant burp,” ‘cuse me, being the good Best Man I am, I decided to try and find you two idiots before people started askin’ too many questions. So, you’re welcome.” Steve grunted, pushing himself up to stand, cocking his head at the both of, hands on his hips, trying to prove his point. “Also, do you two anything else besides fuc-” 

“Steve! Jesus Christ, will you shut the fuck up!” Javi groaned, staring down at the floor, taking a deep breath to compose himself before he decided to kick Steve right back down to the ground again. 

“...It’s really been 45 minutes?” You grimaced, looking back between Steve and Javi, shrugging at your husband that any longer, your mom would have been on a search party for you, and it would have been your whole family at Javi’s bedroom door instead of just Steve. 

“Yeah, and I’m the first to come lookin’ after ya, so again, you’re welcome. Jesus, Javi, you can really last for 45 fuckin minutes? How the-” 

“Murphy!” 

“Sorry…” 

“Fuck me….” 

“Think you and your wife already took care of that one…” Steve muttered under his breath, trying not to laugh.

“I swear to God, Steve…” 

“Okay, I’m done! I’m done! Swear!” Steve held up his hands in defense, taking a step back away from Javi.   

“Will you please just give us a minute, Murph?” Javi sighed, running his hand through his hair, trying with every bone in his body to keep his patience with his drunken friend. 

“Fine, fine, fine. 1 minute. I’m counting. Use your time wisely and appropriately, you sickos.” Steve snickered, disappearing down the hallway, only to peek his head back out around the corner. “And Jav?”

“What, Murph?” 

“Your fly’s undone.”

As you and Javi sheepishly made your way back out to the backyard, you couldn't have been more relieved to see that at this point, anyone still left at your reception was far too drunk to care that you had been missing, seeing that almost all of your guests were out on the dance floor, partying away without a care in the world, or any inkling of what you and Javi had been up to. 

“Longer than a minute, but beggars can’t be choosers I guess.” Steve chuckled, creeping up behind you with two drinks in hand, passing them both off to you and Javi. “Here. Figured I owe ya a drink. These are on me.” 

“We paid for the bar, Murph.” 

“Alright, well I guess these ones are on you, Grumpy Pants.”  Steve grumbled mockingly, holding up his hands in defense, trying not to stumble over his own two feet as he made his way back to the dance floor. 

“Remind me again why I picked him to be my best man?” Javi laughed, taking a sip of his drink, the both of you snickering as you watched Steve whip out some questionable dance moves to “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen blaring in the background and Connie shake her head at her husband. 

“Because you love him. Don’t get me wrong, he’s an idiot, but he’s a good guy.” You smiled, giving Javi a little nudge, resting your head on his shoulder as you looked out at the dance floor. “Hey-” You paused, holding up your glass and raising it to Javi’s. “Cheers.” 

“Cheers to what, Osita?” Javi asked, wrapping his arm around you, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead as he brought his glass next to yours. 

“Cheers to us. I love you so much, Javier Peña, it makes me sick. Sicker than all this tequila is gonna make me tomorrow after I keep drinking it the rest of the night.” 

The two of you snorted, goofily clinking your glasses and taking a hefty sip of your drinks as you looked out on the dance floor, your hearts overflowing with love and joy to know that you were surrounded by all of the people in the world you cared about most, even the ones that couldn’t be physically with you, to celebrate the biggest day of your life and the start of your new forever. 

“Cheers, Hermosa. I love you so goddamn much. Maybe the hangover will help distract the nerves on the flight tomorrow.” Javi smirked, taking another sip of his drink as he shook you playfully in his grasp, your faces both lighting up as you remembered that tomorrow, you be in the Bahamas for the next 10 days, where the only thing you needed to worry about was where you wanted to lay on the beach, what drink you wanted in your hand, and now, seeing how quickly Javi could get you pregnant. 

“Oh shut up.” You sighed, giving Javi a little slap to the chest before taking another sip of your drink, looking up at Javi with heavy lashes, batting your eyes at him. “You just have to remind me that I have to do some unpacking before we leave tomorrow.” 

“Unpacking?” Javi asked, tilting his head in confusion at you, the gears in his brain turning as you bit down on your lip, raising your eyebrow at him, waiting for him to piece together your clue. “Oh. Oh.” 

Javi’s eyes went wide as he remembered what you meant, heart racing in anticipation, never imagining before today that he would have been so excited to actively throw away birth control to try and have a kid.

“Can we throw it away tonight?” Javi pleaded, his puppy dog eyes in full effect. 

“I’m not sure what difference tonight and tomorrow morning is gonna make, but sure. Happy wedding present.” You giggled, pressing up onto your tiptoes to plant a long, hot kiss. 

“Best fucking gift I could ask for besides the fact I finally get to call you my wife.” 

As the end of the song slowly faded out, “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” began to play next in the background, your face lighting up in excitement and Javi’s eyes rolling, hearing the song that had been most likely the biggest controversy of your entire wedding planning process now bumping through the speakers, followed by the cheers and hollers of your guests. 

“I told you people would want to hear this song.” You said smugly, crossing your arms over your chest, popping your hip at Javi as you sassed him, making him shake his head at your theatrics. 

“It doesn’t stop it from being a stupidly annoying song.” 

“A stupidly annoying song that people love. A stupidly annoying song that your wife loves.” You teased. “Whaddya say, Peña, can you stand this unbearably stupid song to go dance with me? 

“I’d dance to this song with you a million times if it means I get to dance with you.” 

Grabbing Javi by the hand, you tugged him out to the dance floor in a fit of giggles and smiles, jumping along and dancing to the beat song after song the rest of the night with your friends, family and husband. 

You couldn't help but catch yourself stopping now and again to smile to yourself to take everything in, feeling like you needed to pinch yourself to make sure this was all really real. Just over a year ago, your life felt like it had hit an all time low. You had moved halfway across the country to try and run from your pain, desperate to find any way to bring yourself any ounce of peace in your ocean of hurt. It felt like fate had forsaken you for the worst, kicking you while you were down, and leaving destruction in its wake. 

But never in a million years would you have believed that fate would have sent you with a one way ticket to Laredo, Texas, and that trip would bring so much more than just the glimmer of hope you longed for. It had brought you peace, comfort, the acceptance you weren’t sure you would have ever allowed yourself to feel. Laredo had brought you everything you never expected, and all of the things you never thought you deserved. 

It brought you Javi- the man who single handedly changed your life for the better, loving you unconditionally for every part of your being and piecing back together the parts of your heart you had left broken.

It brought you the man you now got to call your husband. 

Fate and life have funny ways of working together to bring you the things you need the most when you least expect them. And today, as you got to marry the love of your life and your very best friend, you knew you’d be forever thankful that fate stepped in when you needed it most. 

La vida es graciosa, no lo crees? (Life is funny, isn’t it?)

@chaotic-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @messinadresa @milly-louise @jay-zzle @the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled @pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper @nastiasnow @vee-bees-blog @hopplessilse @mxtokko @its-nebuleuse @mandoisapunk @msmorningstaarr @amyispxnk @honeyedmiller @mountainsandmayhem @picketniffler @burningnerdchild @copperhalfcent @theoraekenslover @bloodyinspirationaldemon @vee-bees-blog @amyispxnk @samgirl4life @pigeonmama @pedr0swh0r3 @survivingandenduring

[megistusdiary]

HI!!

I was wondering if you could write a dom albedo x sub (gender neutral) reader but like he fucks reader so hard that we just start crying then he bully’s us about it 🗿

ALSO I LOVE UR FAN FICS absolutely MAGNIFICENT!! <3

ok i will actually write and post something bc for once i finally have a little free time! i finished all my cleaning and exams for the day, and now i can just finish up some homework and chill :)

also i am in an albedo mood lately. something about him rly just 😇🙏🧎🏼‍♀️ i am sat

also also tysm for the kind words, dear :0 I'm so glad you like reading my fics!! ♡♡

warnings: mean-dom!albedo and sub!gender neutral anatomy/pronouns reader

penetration (sub receiving), rough sex lol, degradation but a sprinkle of backhanded praise (sub receiving), clothed dom/naked sub, dacryphilia

albedo had a tight grip on your waist, gloved hands leaving bruises as he maneuvered you with inhuman strength unfitting of his form.

you cried out for him as he pressed his hips into yours, fucking you deeply as he shoved you into the mattress.

the fabric of his clothes rubbed against your bare skin, reminding you of your embarrassing predicament as you moaned into the blankets covering the bed, gripping them into your hands.

"bedo-" you called out for him, feeling him shove you further down and press into you more roughly.

this was very unlike your usual, kind, and gentle albedo. the albedo who knew your own body's limitations better than you. the albedo who gave you no more than what you could handle, preparing you oh so carefully to take him.

now, instead of kisses you were thrown backhanded praise that dripped from his lips, feeling him fuck you as though you were nothing more than a toy.

tears slipped down your cheeks as he fucked you harder, groaning softly when you clenched around him.

"i see my hypothesis for this little experiment was correct." he hummed as you whined, biting the blankets. "i would have never thought humans could be so filthy. you look like a mess." albedo shook his head. "crying over nothing but a blood-filled appendage." he sneered, relishing in your little whimpers.

"bedo..." you sobbed, shivering when he leaned down over you, clothed chest pressing into your naked back as his breath ghosted over the shell of your ear.

"look how beside yourself you are, and we have barely even started. how am i to get results from this when we can't perform consecutive trials? such a waste." he scoffed when your hole clenched around him, eliciting a moan from him. "oh? don't tell me you found pleasure from such foul language." this sounded more like your albedo, but he seemed more shocked that you were truly enjoying this treatment.

"please, please, please-" little cries poured out from you just like your tears as albedo obliged much to your surprise, leaving bruises and marks as he pressed his hips deep into you at a pace no human could compete with.

"that's it." he watched you fall apart beneath him, your entire body shivering as your came, hips weakly shifting in his grasp. "that was decent for a first trial. though replication is a key factor, don't you agree?" you were barely coherent, ears fuzzy as you weakly nodded to whatever he said, earning you a rare chuckle as he moved you around to suit his wishes. he seemed pleased as he collected the remnants of your orgasm on his fingers, playing with the gossamer strands and allowing you a short break out of pity before moving on to his next trial.

[sgt-seabass]

the idea of steve kemp being mean and dark and manhandling you to your knees and slapping you around and making you worship him and lick his shoes is so hot 🥺 especially if he's threatening and degrading the reader through it

𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏

✧˚ · .  𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘯.

pairing — steve kemp x little!reader w/c — almost 900 words this is a dark fic. 18+ only. warnings — little!reader, dd/lg elements, implied kidnapping, referenced cannibalism, referenced murder, threats, degradation, pet names (sunflower), face slapping, spanking, shoe licking, shoe grinding a/n — this ask made me go fucking FERAL i swear to god. i could kiss your brain, thank you for blessing me with this thot. i was going to write other things but couldn't get this idea out of my head. i love you. not beta read.

Steve didn’t know you were different at first.

He had wined and dined you the same as his other victims, and with a bit of smooth talking, you’d been an easy catch.

You were sweet. Wearing pretty little dresses with a gorgeous smile that beams to all those around. Like a sunflower, which was the nickname he’d chosen for you.

It wasn’t until the reality of the situation had set in that he started to see the hints of uniqueness. Typically, his captives would scream, fight, and try to claw his eyes out. But you had receded into yourself. A meek thing that cried in the corner. Like a kicked puppy.

Steve wasn’t one for affection, not in the traditional sense. But he liked you. And so, he kept you around.

Many girls came and went while you were kept in your little cell. Steve often talked with you, sitting on the ground while he ranted about his day. And if you listened well, you’d get a new stuffed toy. He’d learnt you liked them after you bundled your pillows to cuddle them like a bear.

It was amusing. His little sunflower was an exciting thing to have around.

Except when you weren’t good. That he hated more than anything.

You wouldn’t eat your dinner, picking at the meatloaf with disdain. Steve had made it especially for you, with beef, not his usual cuisine. You weren’t ready for his diet yet.

He’d grabbed you by the hair, dragging you across the room and into a new, empty cell. You’d wailed for your stuffies, for comfort, but bad girls don’t get privileges.

“What am I meant to do with an ungrateful little girl, huh? Do you want to end up like the rest of them?” Steve watched the fear flash across your face, your little sobs becoming so hard snot and spit dribbled down your face with your tears.

“What a pathetic little baby. Too stupid to even kill,” Steve cooed, swatting your hands away when you tried to cover your face. He wanted to see all the anguish. “Who am I, hm? Who am I, sunflower?”

“My— My— My G-God…” You snivelled out, and Steve scoffed, slapping you hard across the face.

You turned to him again, and he slapped you again. “Speak properly. This isn’t the time to be a bumbling mess. Face your consequences,” Steve was harsh, as he often was when things didn’t go his way.

“You’re my God,” you managed to get out amongst your sniffs and hiccupped sobs.

“That’s better. Now, you want to get back in my good books, right?”

You nodded desperately, and Steve smiled. His sunflower was always so eager to please.

Steve grabbed your hips, pulling you to sit on his manicured oxford shoes. He started you off, rubbing your cunt over the laces and leather below you until you got the idea. “That’s it. Rub that dirty pussy all over my shoes. I bet you like it, don’t you?”

The way you looked up at Steve had him almost cumming on the spot. You looked like an absolute mess, your tear-stricken cheeks and puffy eyes making him harder. “Fuck.” He muttered, looking down to the sheen left on his shoe from your sopping cunt, your wetness soaking through your underwear. “You’re my disgusting little baby, aren’t you, sunflower?”

“Y-Yes, daddy.”

Steve always loved hearing his two favourite words. He didn’t really have a kink for being called daddy, but how it made you all shy and submissive was well worth it.

You kept rubbing yourself with little moans and sobs until your hips started shuddering, and Steve knew you were getting close. He drank in the sight of you, your nipples peaked through the fabric of your dress and muscles tensing throughout your body. It was a picture-perfect sight. “You’re doing a good job, sunflower. But you were a bad girl. And bad girls don’t get to cum.”

Steve pulled you off him, your sounds turning to whimpers as you were denied your orgasm. His shoe shone with your juices, and Steve stuck it in your face, rubbing it with the leather. “Look at this. You’ve made it all dirty. I’d normally kill someone for dirtying my things like this.”

There wasn’t much Steve wouldn’t kill someone for, but he loved to taunt you nonetheless. “But I suppose I can forgive you if you clean it up.”

Steve laughed as you looked around the room, trying to find a rag or something to clean it with. “Stupid baby.” He grabbed your hair, ignoring your yelps and cries as he shoved your face against his shoe. “With your tongue.”

He held you there, not allowing an ounce of movement. With your ass in the air, he smacked your cheeks, watching as you tried to lick away your wetness as the spanks kept coming. He wanted you sore. Perhaps that would teach you a lesson.

You licked at his shoes, having to go over the same spot when your tears fell and made a mess all over again. It was an endless cycle that Steve was all too happy to witness.

Steve hummed, watching you contently. Maybe he’d get you another toy from the hospital gift shop after his shift tomorrow. He loved seeing his sunflower smile after being a crying mess, like a blooming flower after the rain.

To be updated on when I post please follow @sgt-seabass-library and turn on post notifications.

[mypoisonedvine]

𝗹𝗶𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 || (very dark) 70s!Bucky x reader

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: he tried to be sympathetic to your cause, he really did, but he couldn’t just let you get away with disrespecting him like that.  

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2.4k

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: smut (noncon, plus breeding kink and tons of degradation, like very heavy degradation, and multiple orgasms/overstimulation), misogyny, a bit of dumbification, housewife kink, ‘sir’ kink (brief), choking, implied anal, spitting (not on the reader, unfortunately lmao), quite a bit more than period-typical sexism, awful awful awful this fic is absolutely awful

                            Brooklyn, 1970.

Bucky’s mornings were sacred.  He had his rituals: showering, cooking breakfast, reading the paper and having his first drink and cigarette of the day, all before he left for work.

But throughout this entire week, his mornings had been ruined by the stupid fucking protest in the park just outside his window.  And to think he’d actually paid more for an apartment with a view of the park— he hadn’t realized then that the “view” was gonna be a bunch of hippies creating awful music and an unbearable smell that left his whole apartment reeking of reefer if he dared to open his window.

Attempting to ignore it for a week only made him more resentful with each passing day.  Each time he figured the crowd would surely leave soon or at least be quiet for the night, they seemed to somehow get louder just to spite him.

He probably should've waited until he was a bit less agitated to go down and try to bargain with you, but he stormed down there instead and tapped you on the shoulder when his presence alone wasn't enough to distract you from your incessant chanting.

“Would you consider being quiet?" he asked firmly.  "I have to work in the morning and—”

“We won’t be quiet until women have equal treatment under the eyes of society and the law,” you interrupted to explain condescendingly, shocking him with your icy tone.  He could hardly believe your attitude, in fact he couldn’t remember any woman speaking to him that way in his life: so far, he wasn’t enjoying it.

“I just thought you could be a little more respectful,” Bucky shot back, even more stern.  “You’re not making anyone wanna support your movement by acting entitled and inconveniencing everyone.”

“I’m sorry the revolution is inconvenient for you,” you replied, but it didn’t sound much like an apology. 

He wanted to say more but you blew him off and disappeared into the crowd, leaving him confused and irritated and livid.  Up until now he had been quietly skeptical about all this talk of liberation but now he saw it for the poison it really was.  A girl like you— who could've been a real looker with some willingness to try and a better attitude— talking to a man like him with so much hate and over what, a polite request?

This could not be tolerated; he couldn't let you get away with acting like that.  And lucky for you, he was exactly the guy you needed to teach you your lesson.

The good thing about hippies high on shrooms is they aren’t the most observant.  When he returned to the demonstration area the next night, he was able to grab you roughly and pull you back from the crowd with almost no trouble at all, dragging you into an empty alley and clamping his hand down over your mouth as your eyes went wide and your throat vibrated with silent screams.

“Shh, shh,” he soothed against your ear, “whatcha fightin’ for?”

He liked the way it felt to have you squirming against his grasp, using all your strength and not even getting close to escaping.  

“How does it feel to know I can do anything I want to you?” he growled against your ear.  “C’mon, sweetheart, can’t you put up a better fight than that?  I thought you believed in equality… you should be able to get away if you’re as strong as I am.”

He felt your warm tears trailing down around his fingers which held your face tightly, the struggle of your limbs slowing and weakening slightly.  His cock was already getting hard as he imagined the moment you would finally give in.

“You remember me, don’t you?  You didn’t need to be so rude, darlin’.  You could’ve just been nice and none of this would be happening.”

Your elbow shot back into his ribs and he exhaled sharply but didn't let go, grabbing your wrists and holding your arms to your chest as he pinned you to the wall.

"Oh, that's not gonna work, babydoll.  I'm so much stronger and bigger than you, all you're gonna do is make me angrier.  Is that what you want, sweetheart?  To make me angry?" he asked mockingly, leaning in to lick the shell of your ear as you tried to turn away.  “Pretty girl like you would make a great wife, why would you want anything else?”

Ignoring your struggle, he reached into your shirt and purred as he groped your chest, your nipples hardening when he pinched them.  “Maybe I can get behind this bra-burning thing if it means having easier access to your tits all the time,” he grinned.  “How am I supposed to keep my hands to myself when I can see them through your shirt?  Shouldn’t be showing ‘em off if you don’t want any attention.”

As fun as it was to play with your tits, he had bigger plans, so he reached lower to start tugging down your jeans, your legs uselessly kicking as he exposed your ass and thighs.

His cock was already rock hard as he hastily opened his fly and pulled it out with one hand, leaning back to spit on it quickly.  He spread the fluid with a few strokes over his length, figuring it would be enough to get inside you even if he didn’t really care if he hurt you.  

Your eyes went wide and your head bucked wildly as he poked the head of it against your opening, your body fighting a little harder once again.  The irony of that, though, was that you were already plenty wet in spite of what he had expected; it was so much funnier to watch you struggle now that he knew you were not-so-secretly enjoying it.

“Don’t be so dramatic," he chuckled darkly, "I bet you can take a cock real easy since you believe in all this ‘free love’ bullshit.”

He groaned as he pushed into you, impressed by how tight you were— so tight that it made his cock throb right away, your walls pulsing and rippling around him as he filled you to the brim.

“Oh fuck, there you go…” he hissed, smiling as you sobbed harder and struggled a bit more before finally relaxing into his tight embrace.  "You're gonna take it all, baby, every fuckin' inch of me."

A hard sob choked out of you every time he slammed himself to the end of you; he could feel the hatred radiating from you, the way you would kill him in a moment if only you weren't so weak.  But he could feel your reluctant acceptance, too, and the way it was slowly turning into euphoria— you were finally starting to like how it felt to be helpless to him, it was obvious with the way your pussy gave him such a warm and willing welcome while your pretty tits got even harder.

You clearly wanted to hate him, but your body knew better.

"You think I'm a sexist pig, I'm sure," he chuckled, "but I'm really not— I love women!  And you know what I love most?  Huh?"

He felt you nervously shake your head behind his hand and he laughed.

"I love the way you get so dumb when you get a cock in you.  All those useless little thoughts leaving your head when you're finally getting fucked right."

Your cries got louder even though they were still muffled by his hand, your sweet little pussy giving him a squeeze of encouragement.

"It's okay to like it, babydoll, it's what you were meant for.  Made to be my brainless fucktoy… born to serve me," he growled.  “You really should learn to appreciate," he grunted between brutal thrusts, "that your only purpose is to keep my dinner hot and my cock warm.”

Your eyes rolled back in your head and he felt your walls bear down on him tightly, wetness seeping down around him.

"Oh fuck, are you coming?  Shit," he moaned.  "Looks like you really needed to be put in your place, just needed to be used... god, you made a fuckin' mess, too, you soaked my cock…"

Your little hands tightened into fists, pushing against where his arm held them back, but he stayed steady as he pumped into you, letting himself get a bit lost in the feeling of you while he buried his face in the crook of your neck.

It felt so damn good to have a cunt coming around him, but it was even better knowing that you were fighting it and still couldn’t stop it, completely helpless to how good he was making you feel.

You almost screamed under his hand when he reached down to quickly rub your clit, your back arching to try to run away from his touch; poor thing, you were so sensitive it probably hurt you, but he was having too much fun watching you realize you were going to come again.

"Yeah, gimme another one, slut," he grinned, your legs quivering as waves of slick coated him and started to even drip down your legs.  "Can't stop coming like the dirty whore you are, huh?  Bet nobody's made you come like this before— cause nobody's given it to you right.  Nobody's shown ya what it's supposed to be like when a man takes you and makes you his."

From the way you moaned softly, teary eyes fluttering shut, he knew you liked the sound of that.

"Yeah, wanna be mine, baby?  Wanna be my little slut?  Or do you want me to pump this pussy full and leave you here on the ground for any other man that comes by to use you if he needs?"

You groaned softly, a weak little noise, and he felt his cock flex; as much as he wanted this to last as long as possible, he couldn’t hold back anymore.

“M’close, honey,” he breathed.  “I’m gonna come.”

He laughed breathlessly when you shut your eyes, like you were trying to go somewhere else in your mind, trying to pretend this wasn’t real.  But it was real, and he wasn’t going to let you forget that.  He was elated to make your nightmares come true.

"I sure wouldn't mind pulling out and covering that pretty face you've got,” he hissed.  “It'd be funny to see you go back to your little march and show them how owned you are.  But not today, babydoll, I think there's only one way you're gonna learn your lesson."

Another muffled gurgle from you, and this time it didn’t even sound like protest.  Maybe you were just too tired for that at this point, but it gave him hope that you could finally behave.

"I'm gonna take my hand away from your mouth and you're gonna beg me to come inside you, is that clear?" he grunted, feeling you nod vigorously.  "You're not gonna scream are you?"

You shook your head, and he slowly pulled his hand from your mouth as you gasped for air.  "Please— come in me," you panted.

"Address me as 'sir'," he instructed.

"Please, sir, I— I want you to come," you whined.

He chuckled right against your ear, feeling you shiver in his grasp.  "Honey, I don't give a fuck what you want."

To think you ever resisted your natural desire for submission was absurd now, considering the way that statement made you openly moan, your walls fluttering around him.

“Gonna fill you so fuckin’ deep you’ll never get it outta you, sweetheart.”

One more orgasm washed over you, making him laugh darkly while he watched you bite your lip to attempt to stay quiet; but that was impossible once he fucked you harder just to spite you, having to hold you tight to make sure he got as deep in you as possible.  Your whole body shook as he slammed into you, and he laughed at how dumb and helpless you looked.

"Bet you're on those new birth control pills," he grimaced.  They really weren’t that new, but he still hadn’t gotten used to them.  "Makes me sick to think you're letting a perfectly good womb go to waste.  Betcha want me to breed you nice and deep, yeah?  Wanna get knocked up?  You don't even care that I'm a stranger, you wanna get your pussy filled by any random man's come so you can have any random man's baby, ain't that right?"

At first he had worried that you would scream or cry for help, but now his concern was more that your moans would be too loud and somebody would catch the two of you in this alley.  Even if it was obvious now that you wanted it, public indecency was still a crime.

Good thing he had a new way to shut you up: his hand tight around your throat, silencing your sobs to blessed silence.  It was so hot to have you entirely at his mercy like that, to feel your pulse beneath his fingers, that he couldn’t stop himself from speeding up his thrusts suddenly.

"Fuck, I’m gonna come,” he gasped, “fuck, y-you… little whore…”

He had a habit of running his mouth when he was right on the edge, and the way your pussy was milking him for all he was worth made him spit out whatever filth he could think of.  

“Stupid fuckin' bitch," he mumbled under his breath as he fucked you as fast and rough as he could, chasing his high with no regard for your pleasure or your pain.  "Dumb whore, fuck, you stupid— ah, shit— stupid fucking cunt!"

He cried out as he filled you, groaning loudly with every pump of his seed into your waiting body.  Only when he was sure every drop was inside you did he release his grip on your neck, a loud gasp coming first before a few coughs and chokes that only made his cock harder despite having just filled you.

You started to struggle again, and he couldn’t believe it— after everything, did you still not know your place?

There wasn’t much time to relax and enjoy the afterglow when you were already trying to get away, and so he had to hold you tight again while he smiled exhaustedly.

“N-no,” you stammered, and he covered your mouth again as he pulled your head back to rest on his shoulder.  Clearly he hadn’t done enough yet to fuck that word out of you.

“Where ya goin’, sweetheart?” he panted against your ear, still catching his breath, his chest covered in a thin layer of sweat where it was exposed by his shirt.  “You’ve still got another hole to fill.”