#so i needed to reflect that to my own hamster character

[artbyky]

i needed to make my hamster boy chubbier

[matenr0u]

Oblivion, the Riku Keyblade: Translation

Oblivion/Bygone Memories

過ぎ去りし思い出Sugisarishi Omoide

Here’s my entry point for a bit of a deep dive into the ‘Riku Keyblade’. I have a few points jotted down about Oblivion, since it’s one of my favourite keyblades, but I’ll start with the name of it.

First it’s important to establish that despite being the Riku Keyblade, it’s actually symbolic of not just Riku alone but specifically Sora’s relationship with him. As the series progresses it gains a level of importance to other characters too, but being a Sora enjoyer I tend to regard Roxas and Xion like two little hamsters that escaped their pen and need to be stuffed back in, so I’m not sure if I’ll overly talk about them.

On to the name: I like the sound of the already established translation, ‘Passing Memories’, but I find ‘Passing’ is a word much too vague compared to ‘Bygone Memories’, so as a personal preference I’ll refer to it with my own interpretation unless someone more fluent in Japanese demonstrates another name that rolls more easily off the tongue.

Anyway, let’s get into the meat of this thing and how I reached this conclusion.

EN: Oblivion

JP: 過ぎ去りし思い出Sugisarishi Omoide

過ぎ去りし = Sugisarishi = Bygone/Long ago/Departed

思い出 = Omoide = Memory/Memories 

過ぎ = Too much/Passed/Past

去りし = Gone

Bygone Memories

Generally you can think of the meaning like, ‘a keyblade representing our shared memories of the distant past.’

Another interpretation more specific to the breakdown of their relationship could be, ‘our fond memories which have been left by the wayside.’

An example of how this phrase is typically used: 

過ぎ去りし日の思い出 

Memories of bygone days

I wonder if the keyblade’s name is a contraction of this phrase.

I don’t get the feeling that 過ぎ去りし思い出/Sugisarishi Omoide implies literally confused/forgotten memories as much as the EN name Oblivion does; moreso a nostalgic, or melancholy, reflection on good times between two people which occurred long ago.

I think both the EN and JP names can be interpreted to suit Sora and Riku’s connection to this Keyblade well, but there’s some nuance I’d like to get into.

忘却 Bokyaku is the term used in the JP name for Castle Oblivion — 忘却の城/Bokyaku no Shiro (Castle of Oblivion) — this word translates much more literally to Oblivion, a state of confusion or having forgot, than 過ぎ去りし/Sugisarishi, which is more like ‘long since passed/departed’. 

For this reason I get the idea that the keyblade was named Oblivion in EN because it sounds badass, still gets the point across, and goes well with Oathkeeper (which also has some liberties taken in the translation, presumably because that too sounds cooler to a western audience*).

There is a similar example within Kingdom Hearts’ usage of the word ‘memories’, too. In contrast to 記憶/kioku which is used for Memory’s Skyscraper — and sounds closer to, plainly, ‘one’s own memory/recollection’ —, the term 思い出/omoide usually denotes a memory or memories shared between people. It has a much more reminiscent tone of fond memories (or, perhaps, a particular memory?) shared with another, which fits well with the purpose of this keyblade and adds a bit of nuance that the EN name Oblivion lacks.

*You can also see this reflected in KHIII Oblivion’s default shotlock, named ‘Bladefury Eclipse’ in EN and ドーンエクリプス/Dawn Eclipse in JP. The JP name is much more meaningful to Sora and Riku and it’s a shame this was cast aside for cool points. ‘Dawn’ is written right there in kana, why didn’t they use it?

Meanwhile the shotlock ステラインセプション/Stellar Inception — which is shared with its sister keyblade Oathkeeper — remains identical in EN and JP.

I have Thoughts about the item required to obtain Oblivion in KHIII, known as Proof of Times Past in EN, but for now I’ll offer a simple translation.

EN: Proof of Times Past

JP: 過ぎ去りし証 Sugisarishi Akashi

Certificate of the Bygone

Or, ‘Evidence of Long Ago’

This one checks out, but some EN players seem confused about this certificate being called Times Past while the keyblade is called Oblivion. Hopefully my translation notes on the JP name shed some light on it.

And the item description:

EN: “A certificate awarded to those who have endured the most difficult trial of them all.”

JP: 「険しい戦いを制した者に贈られる証」

`Kewashii tatakai o seishita mono ni okurareru akashi'

“A certificate awarded to those who have overcome an insurmountable battle.”

Not much to add here either, but as a game dev myself I really enjoy the tiny gameplay detail of Sora literally being rewarded with Bygone Memories for pushing through ‘an extremely difficult conflict’— if you’re familiar with other Sora & Riku centric KH analyses, you can probably see where I’m going with this, so I’ll save that tangent for another day.

That about wraps up this part.

A final note for those who subscribe to the necklace theory: Bygone Memory — as in, a singular fond memory shared between two people long ago that may have since been cast aside, is an equally valid translation of the JP name.

This is just a fun little rant into the void, if I missed anything or made any mistakes, feel free to add on to it.

[maygrcnt]

been reflecting on the season a lot recently and on the topic of bucks bisexuality storyline, and i think ive come to the conclusion that theres maybe some catastrphization on the part of people who think the arc is horribly written, but also other people seem to be looking at it through rose tinted glasses and accepting anything given to them just because the storyline was such a long time coming. And i’ve had a hard time with figuring out why both sides of these takes just bother me so much so i sat down with my thoughts while work was slow and i rotated evan buckley in my mind until i had coherent thoughts

When it comes to the self discovery of it all i think that is probably the best thing the show did with the arc. episodes four and five were ultimately huge successes in my opinion on the topic of bisexuality. My main issue with this part of it is not specifically to do with the bi-ness of the storyline but the show in general. The show, showrunner, and Oliver want us to believe this storyline is different, that this is the one that finally changes everything, and I fully believe them in that being their intentions. However, they didnt show that to us well enough. The show has a glaringly cliche formula when it comes to buck and eddie love storylines that i used to think was intentional parallelism but now believe to be a writing rutt that they can't seem to break out of. They meet the partner, they have a romantic moment, something gets in the way of that romance, they meet up at a restaurant to “start over”. Ali, natalia, ana all follow this exactly and taylor sort of. its just tired? And the fact that this is exactly how buck and tommys relationship starts too just makes it so i cant convince myself that this is any different than before. Like i said i truly believe the writers thought they were pulling buck off the hamster wheel and the commentary outside the show tells me that he’s supposed to be doing something new, but they just can't escape their own romance formula enough to actually do it in the TEXT. and one thing about me is i think when it comes to TV, a viewer response lens is the most important way to analyze the story. the intention of the writer doesnt matter as much as the interpretation of the viewer because the average viewer of prime time television isnt reading tim minears interviews or listening to the podcasts oliver stark does, theyre tuning in at 8pm est and tuning out at 9. to conclude on the topic of bucks self discovery arc, i think it was done well. i think this is a general consensus, i feel like most people who think the storyline went sour still believe that episode four was done well at the very least

when it comes to the coming out of it all, this is one spot where i believe there’s some catastrophizing. the storyline had to choose carefully who got the long coming out scenes and i think it’s crazy to say that they chose wrong. do i wish there was a little bit of a longer beat with both hen and bobby about the storyline, yes absolutely. but i don’t think scenes with buck sitting down to formally come out to them would have been either necessary nor in character. bucks strongest canonical ties are to maddie, eddie, and bobby. two of which he never felt the need to come out formally to either by the way. i think a lot of people wanted to see more hesitation and fear from buck about his sexuality, but what they decided to show us instead was a man who realized something new about himself and immediately understood that the people around him were going to love and accept him no matter what. the only slip we see in this confidence is around eddie where… im trying to keep this analysis unbiased by non canon things so im not going to get into what i think of that but… in any sense bucks coming out moments were not about coming out at all but instead always about him being loved by his family. i rate this part of the storyline 10/10 because it all felt so natural and real for someone who has the support system and love that buck does (not saying it isn’t hard to come out even when people are supportive, just that i get why it wasn’t hard for buck). the storyline matched the character really well, but if they were to give the same easy breezy coming out arc to a character with the same backstory as say eddie then i would understand the want for more turbulence.

now the most polarizing part of the storyline for sure is the “established relationship” part of the season i guess you could call it lmao. my personal main complaint here is that we immediately lose any and all insight into the *new* of it all. if you want to make a big deal about this romance storyline being different than the other ones, you actually have to show us on screen what’s DIFFERENT about it. it doesn’t bother me so much on a relationship side of things because the relationship isn’t my personal cup of tea, but i think it would have been nice to see more scenes focused on the reasons this relationship is something new for buck. i’m not a tv writer, i honestly don’t have a suggestion for scenes that could have made this better for me. i think a tone thing is big part of it, if they lightened up tommy’s interactions with buck made him a little more flirty and lively it would have felt truly like a new relationship still in the phase of navigating a new dynamic rather than. well it doesn’t matter what i thought the relationship felt like by the end that’s not the point here. another place i feel like they could have put some more effort in is the bobby of it all, he was very preoccupied but their conversation felt stilted and not actually how i imagine it going. when it comes to the acknowledgment of bisexuality and newfound personal experiences i rate the end of the season: bad. i don’t think this was by virtue of the show not caring or wanting to portray the storyline anymore, but just by virtue of the entire end of the season being… kinda bad.

finally the finale, oh the finale… i swear im trying to come at this as unbiased as i can when i talk about the BT dinner scene but just know that i didn’t like it and that may bleed through. i think it was unfavorable of them to frame this scene the way they did. by having the scene start en media res and having us jump in to the dinner already in progress it feels disingenuous, because now im supposed to believe buck left the hospital, cooked an entire meal, set up a date, started eating and only THEN was the topic of bobby’s health brought up? it feels like this scene was written in a way that it would be for a well established long term couple, not a new relationship we’ve barely seen on screen. in this very scene is the first time tommy even learns what bucks relationship with bobby is like, this is very obviously not a deep connection yet so why are they being given the framework of it? the show is telling us that this relationship has gotten more serious without any proof and i find it very hard to believe them. i think there’s ONE simple change that makes this scene work 100x better and makes me feel like buck is actually settling into the relationship rather than having to take tim minear word for it: just start the scene with buck coming home to tommy! if buck is just getting home from the hospital it doesn’t feel as out of character because there’s less assumed time where buck is for some reason not worried about bobby, which he WOULD be don’t even try to tell me he’s not. and if tommy is already in bucks apartment when he comes home we learn so much about their relationship with such a small gesture. that buck feels comfortable with him there, that tommy feels comfortable alone there, that they spend time there often enough that tommy knows his way around. it just feels like this scene was written in good faith but the forgetfulness by the writers on the overall context of where this scene was in the episode created a strange tone in which i’m supposed to believe evan buckley would ever plan a romantic date night while bobby nash is literally comatose. thoughts on the bisexual storyline in the finale: no. i’m not gonna get into the daddy issues line of it all because that’s a lot more opinion based and it would make this like double length. ask me about it if you want i guess.

all in all, i think there’s … a lot that could have and should have been done differently in order to maximize the goals and effects that tim continuously told us he was trying to achieve. when it comes to carefully telling a story of late life sexuality discovery, i think they did well. when it comes to most other aspects, i think the ball was dropped. pls feel free to send messages or asks regarding this topic because i think im still developing thoughts on it and id love to have conversations regarding :)

[lightwise]

Ahsoka's Choice

(Content warnings: long post, implied depression and wanting to give up on life, mention of suicide prevention week). 

Life is not supposed to be a battle. I genuinely believe that it is not meant to be lived in survival mode, or be something to dread, or feel like a Sisyphean hamster wheel, climbing the same mountain over and over but going nowhere. 

And yet. 

It so often does. 

The good becomes so entwined with the bad that you can’t separate them anymore. 

Or even see any good at all.

Life is lived by placing one foot in front of the other, but our gaze is meant to be forward, not only down. 

There have been a number of excellent takes on the in-universe meaning behind the Clone Wars flashbacks, Anakin’s lessons, and Ahsoka’s choice in Shadow Warrior. How Ahsoka has been keeping herself small, living in survival mode, haunted by the fear of her past, by what Anakin became, by her fears of becoming that herself or inadvertently leading others down that path, by survivor’s guilt, by the inability to move forward.  (Please check out the excellent analyses below):

Anakin and Ahsoka learning to fight for the light

Recovering from PTSD and trauma and not letting the terrible things win 

Overcoming the legacy of war and death

Running from childhood trauma

Ahsoka choosing to live 

Ahsoka remembering who she is

However, without getting too detailed, I want to take a more metaphorical look at this episode and how it struck me personally.

My tagline is Daughter of Light. Ahsoka has been an extremely meaningful character to me since I first fell in love with Clone Wars several years ago, for her determination, her steadfast dedication to justice and kindness, and her strength in forging her own path in the midst of many difficult and undeserved circumstances. And this episode knocked me back in my chair, mouth open, trying not to cry at those four words: I choose to live.

The last few years have had some unique struggles in my life that have felt relentless at times, worn me down mentally and emotionally, and kept me in a state of difficult striving just to stay afloat on all fronts (financial, health, mental, etc.) I have honestly not wanted to stay afloat at points. And I’m still dealing with many of the effects of some of what I’ve been dealing with. 

(I am fine in this moment, btw. This post is reflective of where I have been, and some of what I have felt. So please don’t worry about me if you read this, it is meant to be encouraging more than anything. But I am acknowledging and honoring the struggle that it sometimes takes to exist and keep going when life is difficult or doesn’t turn out the way you expected, or is simply just too hard and too exhausting for a bit too long. It is also suicide prevention week, and therefore extremely timely for this episode coming out). 

“You lost a fight. Trust me, you lost.” - You can’t mince the reality of the situation, or pretend it’s better than it is, or that it doesn’t exist at all.

“So you do remember. That’s good, that means you still have a chance to live.” 

“Tell me what’s going on.” - She wants answers. She wants to understand what is happening to her so that she can know how to face it, so that it can be dealt with quickly. 

“I’m here to finish your training.”   

“It’s a little late for that.” - Where were you when I needed you. If only I had known what I know now a little sooner. All of this could have been prevented, things could have gone differently. 

“One is never too old to learn, Snips.” 

“What’s the lesson, Master.” - Alright, I guess we’re doing this. 

“Live…or die.”   

Choosing life—it means literally, and spiritually, and it means a life that is actually filled with wholeness and connection and purpose, not just an existence eked out in survival mode. And as much as I hate it, you have to engage with the pain and the suffering, you have to fight through them, in order to get there. You don’t get out of survival mode by not fighting, even when all you want to do is lay down in defeat.

“I won’t fight you.” 

In a vacuum, this is a decent sentiment. Maintaining one’s peace and refusing to give in to extraneous anger or regret is often a good thing. But that’s not the context here. It’s a negative, passive kind of choice, in this scenario at least. It’s choosing the lack of something, not the positive of something. I won’t fight…but what will you do instead?

All the lessons that Anakin begins taking Ahsoka through, forcing her to engage him, to keep going, to figure out ways to survive even when she doesn’t want to, when the cost feels too great, when her life has been handed to her against her will, is to get through to her the best way he knows how. To break her out of the isolation and defeat she has inhabited. To give her a path forward into momentum and purpose. 

They spar—Ahsoka still with only one saber, half her strength. He pushes her back, and then cuts the ground out from under her feet. And she falls.

“Why are we here?” - Why am I having to learn this lesson again. I thought I had already dealt with this. Why am I having to feel these emotions again. Why do I have to put my time and energy on this same problem again and again.  

“You tell me.”

“I don’t understand.” - She’s still trying to have logical answers before she can move on. We don’t always get them. If you wait for everything to make sense you’ll be waiting forever. 

“That’s your problem. This is your training.” - The casualties of war. Her mistakes. Her failures. Her guilt. Her grief. 

“The battle’s not over yet.” But oh how I sometimes want it to be. 

“This isn’t what I trained for.”  - This isn’t what I expected life to be like. This isn’t what I signed up for. This can’t be what all the effort of daily life adds up to. There has to be a whole greater than the parts. 

“I’m teaching you how to survive, and to do that, you’re going to have to fight.” 

“What if I wanna stop fighting.” - What if it’s not worth it. What if all the effort expended never actually leads anywhere that’s worth being. What if I’m too tired, too depleted to keep going.

“Then you’ll die.” 

“My part of that legacy is one of death and war.” - But what if that’s all there is? What if that’s all my life will ever mean, is struggle and loss and pain. 

“But you’re more than that. Because I’m more than that.” - But I’ve seen and felt horrors larger than life…how do I keep from drowning in them.  

“You’ve learned nothing. Back to the beginning. I gave you a choice. Live or die.” - You can’t stop from drowning in them. You can’t take the struggle out of life. You can’t take the pain out either, or the mistakes. But you can get back up. And you can keep going.  

“No!” - It shouldn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t have to be this hard. 

“Incorrect.” - But for now, it is. It may not always be. You won’t know until you get there. 

“You lack conviction.” - I’m tired. I’m so tired. I don’t want to have to do this anymore. 

“Time to die.” 

Finally, technically defeated as both of her sabers are wrenched out of her hands, she takes Anakin's Sith blade and uses it against him. There’s a time when the way to get through difficulty is through sheer anger and force of will—I won’t let this thing beat me simply because I’m too mad to let it, I’m too bitter or resentful to stay down any longer…but while that can give you some fuel to get moving, eventually it will keep you stuck in place. 

And then, she tosses it away. And with ferocity and passion and acceptance in her voice:

“I choose to live.”

Living doesn’t mean Ahsoka has to kill the phantom of Vader that still haunts her or continue the cycle of violence. She doesn’t have to fight because that’s the only way to survive. The choice she makes to live, is accepting that living might involve fighting, it might involve pain, it might involve darkness…but that’s part of what makes it life. But it’s not the only part. It will always be so much more than that. So much better than that. The darkness doesn’t get to defeat the light. You get to choose not to let it. 

I choose to live. 

You are not just the bad things that have happened to you. You are more than your traumas and your history and your mistakes and your regrets. You are more than those who came before you. You are more than what has shaped you, dragged you under, torn you apart. Your history is not your identity. Your pain is not who you are. Even when it’s all you can see or feel. Even if it’s all you’ve known, and the life you want always feels out of reach.  

Life shouldn’t be a battle. We shouldn’t always be struggling or barely keeping our heads above water in survival mode. Sometimes letting yourself slip beneath the surface is necessary. You have to surrender to the waves, and accept the reality that more will come, before you can ride them. Just try to breathe in the process. 

Finally, there’s one other thing that brings Ahsoka back to the land of the living. It’s not just her choice alone. It’s other people not giving up on her. Searching for her. Refusing to give up hope. Jacen hearing what is really going on, telling his mom to listen, really listen. Friends working together to pull her out of the ocean. Huyang bringing her a cup of tea and a blanket. She is resuscitated and rehabilitated by others. By her community.

Let’s choose to live. Together. 

Hopefully, we can always make it worth it. 

[nobodyimportant41]

Hi! This is a translated version of my own challenge that i'm doing also in tmblr (so sorry if i spell something wrong!), i call it:

"The aspirations challenge"

Before we start:

You must complete the aspiration of the generation (the one they name after)

This challenge is going to be really long because of how many aspirations

At least for now, im NOT incluiding the aspirations that come with busting the dust, high school years and the refresh of spa day.

The order of the gen may be not in alphabetic order just for the sake of storytelling

You can use any mods of cc

You can't use cheats for advantage, but you can use them for storytelling or certain goals (like having twins)

The sims can look whatever you like, but they must reflect they personality

Knowing that new aspirations will come, this challenge will change

You are complety free to skip/change certain rules in case you dont have the dlc

Gen 1; serial romantic:

Story:You always were able of getting everything you wanted with your beauty, this made it super hard to be in an commitment to you.

When you turn a young adult, you decide to challenge yourself by starting an stable job! But you will go easy on you, so you would spend the rest of the time clubling and woohooing anyone! And when you mean ANYONE,you REALLY mean it!

Traits:

Romantic

Non committal

Materialistic

goals:

Max the wellness and charisma skill

Max the style influencer career (trend setter branch)

Leave at least two sims at the altar

Have only one kid

Once per in game year,have a plastic surgery (with mods or "cas.fulleditmode), each cost 10,000 simoleons.

Never get married

Never get caught cheating

PH character values:

Irresponsable

Gen 2;soulmate:

Story:you always feel inferior, everyone else were better at sports, at arts, at making friends. Everyone you care about only used for your beauty....

Even after that,you feel the need of helping the others by becoming a doctor. You thought you were married to your soulmate but..one of your workmates is REALLY making you questione it....

Traits:

Good

Melancholic

Socially ackward

Goals:

Max the bakery and knitting skills

Max the doctor career

Donate something each weekend

Go to charity with your family and/or friends once per week

Adopt at least one kid, this will be the heir

As an elder, retire and dedicate that time to your family and dotanions

PH character values:

Compassionate

Uncontrolled emotions

Gen 3; friend of the animals:

Story:you weren't mentally sane, so almost everyone ignored you, this make you love pets,since they are unable of judging, so when you see a hurted dog in the streets, you decided whats your all time goal is going to be:BUILD THE BEST VET IN THE WORLD! No no.. IN THE GALAXY!of course, with some borrowed things..

Traits:

Kleptomaniac

Erratic

Animal enthusiast

Goals:

Max the mischief and pet training skills

Have a five stars vet clinic, and steal objects for this one.

Never use friendly or funny interactions with sims -except ask to move in-

Have each type of "pet" (like hamsters,rabbits, birds,etc)

Have 4 cats and/or dogs (im deeply sorry)

Have at least 2 well mantain cowplants (do they even count as animals?)

PH character values:

Uncontrolled emotions

Gen 4;master chef:

Story:You grown up being neglected,you had to clean, educate and cook for yourself, doing this you realized that you were born for opening a restaurant! This was your life goal, you will do ANYTHING just for getting a better review, and if that implies marrying a food critic you don't love, you WILL DEFINETLY do it!

Traits:

Foodie

Unflirty

Perfeccionist

Goals:

Max the gourmet cooking and cooking skills

Max the culinary career (chef brand), retire and open a five star restaurant

Become a three stars celebrity (remember, youre a very important chef)

Marry a food critic and have a toxic relationship with them

Become a spice hound

Learn all the recipes in town

PH character values:

Good manners

Responsable

Gen 5;Master mixologist:

Story:To escape your family situation, you were mostly in CRAZY parties with your friends, you honestly feel they as your family! But, even after that, when your parent die you feel... bad,you feel that you were always in their shadow, you only want to surpass them.. Or do you really want to impress them?

Traits:

Party animal

Ambitious

Dance machine

Goals:

Max the dance and mixology skills

Max the culinary career (mixologist branch)

Have a party club with your friends

Have a club meeting every saturday

Have 5 partners

Drink at least once every drink

Marry a sim with the party animal or dance machine trait

Gen 6;Academic:

Story:You grew up in a very poor household because your parents spend most of the money in their stupid parties. You hate the idea or being as stupid as them, so you spend most of the time thinking about ways to make money...and to win debates! You REALLY like winning, especially debates!

As an adult, you decide that you will go to university to learn more about robotics and so you do!

Traits:

Genius

Self centred

Ambitious

Goals:

Max the robotics and reserch and debate skill

Max the engineer career

Make at least two servos,max one of them (or both, if you hate yourself)

Date/marry the first person you debate with, then divorce/leave it to marry one of your servos

Get at least 2 A+

Gen 7;Archaeology Scholar:

Story:If you had to say whats your favorite place is it would be definitly be the museum,you always had being an history euthusiast!. You all time dream is becoming a famous archaeologist who is know for their INCREDIBLE talented made books!

Traits:

Creative

Ambitious

Active

Goals:

Max the archaelogy and writing skills

Work in odds jobs, then in your adulthood leave it to only dedicate to write books about archaelogy

Become at least a two stars celebrity

Have max friendship with a jungle adventure skeleton

Complete the archaelogy relics collection

Have an alien baby (adoption,abandoned kid,etc, you choose)

Gen 8;Computer whiz:

Story:Even tho you were an alien, you always feel like you were part of the family. So,when your blood family wanted to contact with you, you decided it was time to use your natural talent with numbers and start learning about rockets to avoid it; But hey! At least you discovered your passion!

Traits:

Genius

Geek

Ambicious

Goals:

Max the programming and video games skills

Max the tech guru career

Create at least 10 apps

Explore sixam, but never tell it to your kids

Marry a geek sim

Have two failed relationships before getting married

Have a family game night each week

Gen 9;Nerd brain:

Story:You always been obssesed with space, but your parents always told you about how dangerous it was. You were already mad, but things got even worst when you discovered that your parents WENT TO SPACE?! You were furious, you couldn't even think of getting into a rocketship because of the SAME PEOPLE who WENT TO SPACE. From now on, you will desobey whatever they say to you!... at least you have your grandparents....

Traits:

Adventurous

Active

Ambicious

Goals:

Max the handiness and rocket science skills

Enter the athletic career,then, when you discover your parents secrets, leave it and max the astronaut career

Upgrade to the max your rocketship

Leavo someone at the altar

Visit the secret lot in Oasis Spring

Marry an alien

Gen 10;Renaissance Sim:

Story:You always were a prodigy. Everyone knows that. But the thing that no one understands is that being excellent brings more problems than solutions. You always liked art, especially the violin! But people tells you to stop thinking in arts and focuse in science because it will pay you more. Will you follow your dreams or the others dreams?...

Traits:

Genius

Art lover

Ambicious

Goals:

Max the violin and two other skills and reach level 6 in six other skills

Enter to, at least three different careers,max the last one

Have twins

Have a kid with all the positive parenthood character values and the other with all the negative ones

Have a big change in apperance and whises after your midlife crisis

Gen 11;Spellcraft & Sorcery:

Story:Yeah....you always were the black sheep of the family. While your sibling was showing up their straight As you were just thinking about magical spells and your favorite tunes with your Fs.You couldn't help but don't care! After all, people will recognize you as THE spellcaster. Capable of dominate the strongest spells and of course, your "innofensive" jokes!...And maybe your voice

Traits:

Lazy

Music lover

Goofball

Goals:

Max the mischief and singing skills

Work in odds jobs

Complete the brooms collection

Have an enemies to lovers type of relationship

Declare as an enemy a sage

"Accidentally" kill one/your enemy with your spells

Learn all of the untamed and mischief spells

Gen 12;Master vampire:

Story:You never had many friends because everyone knew the reputation of your parent. In one of daily visits to the school library, you found a book that you hadn't saw before.It was a vampire book, you liked fantasy but never read this one! You become OBSESSED with this one.Will it be better to become a nocturn beast?

Traits:

Bookworm

Socially akward

Neat

Goals:

Max the vampire folcklore and writing skills

Work publishing vampire books (turn off fame)

Have a well mantain garden (vampires also can love plants!)

Live in a victorian manor

Cut your relationship with your parents when you move out

Marry an human, then transform it

Have at least three kids

Gen 13;Angling ace:

Story:When you were a kid, you used to fish something and go back to your parents to ask for help for feeding those poor little kittens. It wasn't long when this become an habit! After all, they are only four things that you adore the most: Helping people,your family,cats,cooking Oh! And of course: water! Specially fishing! You REALLY like fishing

Traits:

Family oriented

Cat lover

Child of the oceans

Goals:

Max the fishing and gourmet cooking skills

Max the conservatist career

Become a merperson

Complete the fish collection and pin each one of them on the wall

Go to charity every friday

Have at least two cats

Gen 14;Country caretaker:

Story:You always had an....complicated relationship with your parents,while they wanted to go fishing to put that poor animal in a simple wall or even worse:FOR COOKING, you always see animals as your besties!. One day,the fight went so bad that you decided to move to a small cottage in an even smaller town, no friends,no family,no electricy or water..but you still being happy because you could afford a cow,a horse and two chickens!

Trait:

Animal entushiast

Vegeterian

Loves the outdoors

Goals:

Max the gardening and cross stiching skills

Never get a formal job,instead become a farmer and sell your products

NEVER eat or sell your animals

Live in a lot with the off the grid and simple living lot traits

Participate in every Henford-on-Bagley fair

Never use a mean interactions on animals

Gen 15;The curator:

Story:Your family teach you all about farming so that you run the family farm, thing that you didn't liked much. You know that you could do much better! Your all time dream was completing collections! You only wanted to move to Willow creek and be charismatic enough to exchange collectables!... sadly, you focused so much in collection that you forgot your family...

Traits:

Self centred

Ambicious

Eco fiend

Goals:

Max the gardening and charisma skills

Max the gardener career

Complete the crystals, elements and one more collection

Open a shop with your collections

Have triplets, at least one has to be taken away

When gen 14 pass away, decide with your siblings (if you have them) whos going to run the farm if you don't have siblings, sell it to a random townie or friend

Gen 16;Eco inovator:

Story:Growing up rich, you were mostly careless,you had the most expensive clothes, food and even bed! But, as a teen you discovered that not everyone cares about nature as much as your family; the world was becoming each day more contamineted! You never cared about helping too much. Could this be a change in your life?

Traits:

Childish

Self centred

Glutton

After drinking the re-trait potion:

Self assured

Dog lover

Eco maniac

Goals:

Max the handiness and fabrication skills

Max the civil designer career

As you turn into a young adult, drink a re-trait potion

Rescue two or more stray dogs

Live in one of the greenest city lots in the world

Have an affair with a celebrity

Gen 17;Freelance botanist:

Story:Yeah... you never were the most sane; while your siblings were playing or chatting you were also talking, BUT TO PLANTS. You become so obssesed with plants that your all time dream is become a plant-sim! But sadly, nobody believes you when you say they exist...

Traits:

Erratic

Loves the outdoors

Lactose intolerant

Goals:

Max the flower arraiging and gardening skills

Sell your plants with a stall

Become a plant sim

Plant a money tree

Complete the plant collection and plant each one of them

Have a greenhouse

Gen 18;Jungle explorer:

Story:If theres a word that describes you is materialistic; if theres another word that describes you is mischievious. When you discovered that they were lots of valuable relics in Selvadorada, you didn't doubt to go. You only went to scam people, but when THAT client come to your stall you fell in....love? Sadly they were mad at you because of the prices!

Traits:

Materialistic

Slob

Kleptomaniac

Goals:

Max the selvadorian culture and logic skills

Sell the things you find/steal (mark up prices to 300%)

Marry a client and have an enemies to lovers relationship

Learn all the selvadorian recipes

Get married only after your midlife crisis

Make enemies with a good sim

Gen 19;Purveyor of Potions:

Story:In Selvadorada, you always knew that there were lots of things that can cause sickness; thing that always drive you crazy! Whats the fun in going into nature if your getting dirty and sick!?! Your all time dream is becoming a succesful doctor! But you aren't really good at seeing blood.... if you could only make curative potions....

Traits:

Squeamish

Neat

High mantiance

Goals:

Max the wellness and painting skills

Max the doctor career

Make at least once every potion

Own a potion shop

Live in an haunted house

Complete the broom colection

Gen 20;Outdoor enthusiast:

Story:When you were little, your biggest dream was becoming a florist! But finally in your adulthood you accepted that you couldn't make many money off of it.... But in one of your trips to Granite Falls, you discovered your talent!: Painting landscapes...maybe you could work in painting!

Traits:

Creative

Outgoing

Lves the outdoors

Goals:

Max the painting and flower arraiging skills

Sell your flower arraigings as a young adult, stop it when you become an adult and max the painter career

Marry a loner sim

Have a painting club and have meetings every week

Divorce to marry your soulmate

Complete the insects collection

Gen 21;Championship Rider:

Story:Your parents were the definition of happy bohos.They loved painting and nature...while you didn't really liked it. Your biggest dream is becoming one of the most popular influencers! One day,while you were looking up the tendencies, you discovered that the most popular one was...horses?..yeah,you didn't like it,but if it makes you famous...

Traits:

Ambicious

Mean

Romantic

Goals:

Max the riding and video making skills

Become a simtuber

Become a five star celebrity

Have an affair with a fellow celebrity

Win at least 10 competitons (i recommend to write the progress somewhere)

When you move out, dont talk to your parents ever again

Have twins and only care for one

Gen 22;Expert nectar maker:

Story:You were the neglected from the family. The only ones who really cared about you were your grandparents! But,sadly,your parent didn't let you go with them very often.So you often spend your time looking up for your horses,reading cooking books and;your favorite one:baking and making mermelades! Your two dreams were getting out of the house and sell your bakes good. But without money,how are you going to make it?

Traits:

Horse lover

Foodie

Vegetarian

Goals:

Max the nectar making and bakery skills

Sell your nectar and bake goods

Make every nectar at least one

Have at least 3 mini goats and/or sheeps

As an elder,try to reconnect to your sibling (you decide if you success or not)

Have three failed relationships before you find your partner

Rescue an stray animal

Gen 23;Beach life:

Story:You admire your parents. You feeled that they had a PERFECT and organized life while you...lets say that you couldn't be in only one thing..So,to celebrate becoming young adult,your parents give you a free trip to Sulani since you adore the beach and they wanted you to relax and think about your future;little they you that you will become OBSSESED with the beach!..and with your partner

Traits:

Child of the ocean

Child of the island

Non-committal

Goals:

Max the wellness and fishing skills

As a teen, work as a lifeguard and max the athletic career

Have at least five partners

Marry your first partner

Have at least six Kava parties

Become friends with an island elemental

Have at least four kids

Gen 24;city living:

Story:You always feeled different,while your siblings were playing in the beach, you were playing videogames or playing the piano;or ehy not: a videogame about pianos! Things go even worse with your parent's dead (gen 23s partner), the family was even more separated;you love them but..it was too much! You decided to move temporally to San Myshuno,not knowing that you will stay there FOREVER!

Traits:

Geek

Outgoing

Insider

Goals:

Max the videogaming and singing skills

Max the tech guru career

Complete the My sims figure collection

Have a club meeting every week,go most of the time to karaoke bars

Go to every San Myshuno's festival

Meet your partner at a blind date

Gen 25;Mt. Komorebi Sightseer:

Story:You always work as hard as you can so that,someday,you can become a really important military officer! You first move to Strangerville for work. But when you discovered the shady things your workmates were doing,you escaped to the farest place you could go: Mt. Komorebi. Of course, you first didn't really liked the place. But,slowly your liking it more and more everyday!

Traits:

Ambicious

Paranoid

Active

Goals:

Max the fitness and skiing skills

Max the military career (officer branch)

As a young adult move to Strangerville.Close to becoming an adult,move to Mt. Komorebi

Declare as an enemy one of your bosses

Go to every Mt. Komorebi festival

Have at least one science baby (next heir)

Have a bad relationship with your kid/s

Gen 27;Strangerville mystery:

Story:You grown up fighting with your parent because they won't accept that you LOVED Strangerville and wanted to discovered what was behing the whole mystery. And things went even worse when you started dating the child of your parent enemy...but you decided that you didn't wanted to become a puppet of your parent. So you decided to escape with your couple to Strangerville!...while both of you were just TEENS only to discover the town mystery...

Traits:

Paranoid

Hot hetted

Ambicious

Goals:

Max the logic and fitness skills

Max the militar career

As a teen,move to Strangerville with your partner without telling your parents

Become best friends with the owner of the curio-shop at the moment

See your partner getting possesed

Became enemies with a fellow militar and/or scientist

Gen 28: Fount of Tomarani Knowledge:

Story:You always were kind of jealous of your parents. They were so in love, while you couldn't help but always broke up with your partners because you only cared about gossips...

As an adult, you decide to move to Tomarang, not because you like it, but because it was pretty well known that not for nothing it was known as the "capital of the gossips"; even more than San myshuno! But when you started to talk to the natives, you started to LOVE the tomarani culture!

Traits:

Un-flirty

Child of the village

Nosy

Goals:

Max the mischief and charisma

Make money by odd jobs

Break up with at least two sims

Marry a child of the village

Live since you become a young adult until you died as a tenant in Tomarang

Complete the tassels collection

Gen 29; Chief of mischief:

Story:As a child, you used to spend most of your time telling the younger ones about how the monster under the bed was going to kill them. The reason behind it? It was super fun for you watching how they run away in tears...

When you grew up,of course you still doing it! But,OF COURSE that now your classmates weren't kids,they were teens and will insult you with justification. The fact that half of the class hated you and the other half didn't care. Except for your best friend! You were both partners in crime! And maybe also for woohoo...

Traits:

Mean

Goofball

Cringe

Goals:

Max the mischief and videogames skills

Max the tech guru career

Have a woohoo partner which is also your partner in crime

As a part of you mid-life crisis, start to date them (you decide how this ends)

Even after graduation,still annoying your classmates

Have two kids with different sims

Gen 30;Public enemy:

Story:Your older sibling hated you,your parent's enemy's children hate you, kids in school hated you...You were mostly alone, building machines that only you liked... But as an young adult, you finally realized that you didn't wanted to be a crybaby anymore, you wanted to be respected! It doesn't matter if it because your great or bad reputation, they will learn NOT to mess with you because your reputation!

Traits:

As a teen:

Melancholic

Generous

After turning a young adult:

Mean

Kleptomaniac

Evil

Goals:

Max the mischief and handiness skills

Max the criminal career (boss career)

Kill at least one of the sims that reject you when you were younger

Grow at least one cowplant (they can kill!)

Be in a gang (with Extreme violence or with a club)

Drink the re-trait potion

Gen 31; Seeker of secrets:

Story: Since you were a child, you daydreamed of being a popular influencer! You didn't knew yet what your channel will be about; but you knew that it will be the number one! For becoming popular among your classmates, you started to inventing juicy gossip! The thing you didn't think about was that they will mostly dislike you instead of admiring you...

Traits:

Nosy

Self centred

Goofball

Goals:

Max the video making and charisma skills

Become a simtuber

Become at least a three stars celebrity

Have at least two secret lovers

Have only one kid

Gen 32;

[bandaidcrybaby]

update for the archival reasons of this blog, part 2

im sure youre shocked to know that tumblr has a character limit. I myself didnt find this out until part of me started running her mouth at 2 am before subsequently deciding i had lost my collective mind and decided to do the Correct Thing and Go To Bed.

Not like i actually found that out then and there, mind you, i exist to write code and read maps and be Autistic about Squids and Hamsters, I had to find out when that other part finally decided to let the rest of my brain know on her own free will. again. memory loss is one of the two cleanly defining features of DID. That brings up two things though, my nearly next to impossible dual diagnosis (that i was ALSO not aware of) and my gender. Autism and trauma disorders mimic eachother and effect eachother in similar ways. except no they do not, that's just a reflection on the societal inability to NOT raise a traumatized autistic person. which is ass. Unfortunately when half of your trauma around schooling stems upon you being made a public spectacle/example of to be laughed at and physically beaten in that same public setting for your social ineptitude, extreme sensory problems, and incessant need to talk at length about nothing but a nigh encyclopedic knowledge of exactly two things: pre-2005 Japanese video games for Children, and Trains... yeah. that was... I'm a little surprised no one clocked the Autism earlier, frankly. and then theres my gender, which is quite simple: My pronouns are I/Me/Myself. Everything else is a You Problem. Gender is silly and I am a silly goose. Animal Control will not catch me and even if they do, I'm still their problem without a single solution. Go ahead! put me in the woods! The fish will come back pregnant!! Speakin of, I finally have approximate Dates for both removing my ability to get pregnant AND getting my tits off (both by the end of this year :D!) "doesnt that make you a trans guy?" some nurses ask- again. see the beginning of this paragraph. I am who you say I am, to quote Jesus the Christ. my gender is yes, no, sometimes, and forget about it. I dont need one. None of my parts Identify much differently to that (one says "it changes to the tune of the bit, I identify as whatever is funniest for the moment," one says "I'm a man in the dyke way and a woman in the faggot way", and the last says "I'm six and like the toys for boys. I'll get back to you when I care enough to have a real answer." ) Oh also I've learned how RSS and all sorts of code works. Which is neat! and Fun! and i've gotten super into turning off my computer!!!! and going outside!! and playing! and enjoying the sunlight! and people!! the world is great and beautiful and im so so so glad im in it!!! I'm so glad squids are real!!!!!! "Squids" being community and love and art and color and city metros and world cultures and and and!!!!!!!! I have so much love in my heart. I'm not afraid to tell anyone how much I love them anymore. I have found True Peace. Also the desperate need for a functional wheelchair to combat the actual things severely medically wrong with me and to go back to work because I need to actually submit my production order for those shirts before AB in late march. Thank you all for reading. I'm glad to be where I am and for anyone who feels lost and stranded and is finding even a little comfort in the posts i made in college, I love you, I see you, It will get better- but you need to try. This blog will remain up and in-tact for archival purposes only <3

[sortasirius]

“Gimme Shelter” and The Bomb

Living in the middle of clown town is always an adventure but they’re recently opened a five star restaurant that’s free to all residents so we’re eatin good lmao.

Wow.  Uh.  Wow.  Lots and lots and lots to unpack here.

This is.........long lmao

I mean.  Should we just talk about some of the *cough cough* married details we’ve got going on?  That picture of Cas from “Tombstone”?  Who took that? Who else COULD have taken that?  Why is it a printed photo that Cas just happens to have?  Why did it look like it was cut in half?

Okay, I also want to talk about the energy between Dean and Cas, and not the energy of two intensely married people.  We haven’t seen them together that much since 15x09 right?  I mean we’ve had bits here and there, but to me something still feels off.  I just can’t help but go back to the unresolved ending of their time in Purgatory (”I have to say something.” “You don’t have to say it, I heard your prayer.”).  It just feels like there’s awkwardness hanging in the air, like when Dean and Sam leave right when Cas gets back, or the way that Dean hangs up on him.  It feels like we’re supposed to be sus, which I most definitely am.  Things aren’t 100% fixed, even though they’d like us to believe that they are.

Baby man Jack?  “Marvelous Marvin the talking teddy, I have one!”

Also just,

“Can we wear matching ties?!”

“Yeah, blue’s a good color on you.”

I CRY.

I think it’s FASCINATING that Rowena is spending her time in Hell making things “boring” for demons, changing things. “People will end up where they belong.”  There is NO WAY that’s throwaway.

“Hello!  Where can I find the Kool Aid.”

Literal king.

There are a lot of ~parallels~ in this episode, a whole lot of callbacks, and not in the jokey oh hey remember that episode.  There are all very deliberate and coded carefully into the dialogue so that even people who watch casually and pay attention will pick up on them.

“We...dated.  Years ago, sort of.  More like we watched a lot of old movies together.”

Ok.

Which, nbd, same exact fucking episode as

Come on guys.  Just like.  Come on.  Davy.  My man.

Good to point out too that Davy Perez also wrote “Tombstone.”

I just want to take a second and appreciate that we at got this Amara this season.  No weird drama between her and Dean, just a literal badass who knows she’s a badass.  Dabb and co are going to save every poorly written character before this is over.

Cas’ fucking speech y’all. 

“I do know what blind faith is.  I used to just follow orders without question, and I did some pretty terrible things.  I would never look beyond the plan.  And then of course when it all came crashing down, I found myself lost.  I didn’t know what my purpose was anymore.  And then one day something changed, something amazing.  I...I guess I found a family.  And I became a father.  And in that, I rediscovered my faith.  And I rediscovered who I am.”

First of all, we deserved to see this from Cas.  We deserve to hear him talk about how much he’s grown, how much he’s changed from the “soldier” in season 4. 

Cas found who he was with Jack, with Sam, with Dean.  He found out he was a Winchester.  His love for others is so palpable this episode, the way he mother hens around Jack, the way he looks at Dean, I just completely adore him, and I loved being able to see him reflect on his own growth.

Okay, moving along to Amara and Dean’s convo...fuck man.  F U C K.

Dean’s pain in this scene.  His pain over Mary, over the lack of choice.  It’s so palpable, and I don’t think anything could have prepared me for Amara’s answer to his “Why?”

“I wanted two things for you, Dean.  I wanted you to see that your mother was just a person.  That the myth that you’d held on to for so long of a better life, a life where she’d lived was just that.  Myth. I wanted you to see that the real, complicated Mary was better than your childhood dream because she was real.  That now is always better than then.  That you could finally start to accept your life.”

“Hm.  And the second thing?”

“I thought having her back would release you.  Put that fire out.  Your anger.  But I guess we both know I failed at that.”

His anger.

His anger through the whole season.

His inability to let go of the anger.

Dean’s anger, his inability to let go, we now know, of course, that his happiness didn’t come from Mary.  He still had the fire, he still couldn’t let go of the anger, the rage.  So what is it?  Not even Amara knows what will bring him peace, she just knows that her solution failed.

And then, as if we needed more parallels to this season:

“I’m furious.  To learn that all my life I’ve been nothing but a hamster in a wheel, stuck in a story.”

If that line sounded familiar to you.  It’s because it is.

It’s not a common phrase, especially since Davy Perez FILLED this episode with callbacks.  We’re in the endgame, nothing is unimportant.

For Dean to bring this line back up, right after Amara tells him that she thought that Mary would bring him peace, that she was wrong in that assumption.  For that line to get brought back up when Dean talks about his anger in that scene with Cas, right in the middle of their breakup, where the whole catalyst of his prayer is about his anger, how he can’t let go of his anger.  How he’s sorry he got so angry at Cas.

Bruh.

And then, as if all of this wasn’t enough.  Jack drops the twist.  That he has to die to kill Chuck and Amara.

It’s his own version of the empty deal.  That isn’t a mistake.  Both are going to come into play, Jack’s deal and Cas’.  Mirrors of each other.

Putting his hand on Cas’ shoulder, telling him his death is not Cas’ choice, but his own.  I think this, this scene is going to come back into play.

And then to end the episode with Cas telling Dean, telling him about Jack’s death. 

“In case something goes wrong and I don’t make it back, there’s something you and Sam need to know.”

So...our fluff episodes are over.

There’s so much in this episode, but what I think bears repeating at the end is Dean’s anger, what will bring him peace, Jack’s impending death, and Cas’ deal.  All of these are going to be our catalysts moving forward.  Dean’s anger arc isn’t over, just as Cas’ deal hasn’t been resolved.  Next week ~seems~ like it’ll be a fluff episode, but I am certain that it won’t be.  There’s gotta be some big to do about what Cas is going to tell Dean.

Idk what to tell y’all other than the volume inside of this clown car is astronomical.

[feathersandblue]

Dean Winchester, Character Death, and Frodo’s Return to the Shire

This will be a LOOONG post that has been stuck in my head for a while in bits and pieces - about Dean’s death, what it was and what it wasn’t, and incidentally, the Lord of the Rings has found its way in here too.

It’s pretty clear that Dabb always meant for Dean to die.

And while I strongly disagree with that, on so many levels, I think it might have been more palatable if framed in a different way, and so I’ve been trying to figure out what the ending might have looked like in a world that wasn’t quite as shitty as ours. Still shitty, but marginally less so.

Dean is notoriously bad at letting bad things happen if he can prevent them. I find it difficult to believe that Dean would ever quit hunting entirely, and for as long as he kept hunting, the danger of dying would always be present. It’s not unrealistic at all for him to die on a routine hunt. Life is unpredictable; life as a hunter, even more so. I understand that the writers might want to make that point. And it might have been valid if – and that’s the real problem – Dean’s death hadn’t otherwise been devoid of meaning.

The thing about character death – any sort of character death – is that it needs to have purpose.

And there are different ways that it can have purpose, but it depends on what sort of character we’re talking about.

Minor, often unnamed characters – the redshirts in every narrative – die to illustrate injustice or to highlight evil. Their death is a catalyst or a consequence of the events as they unfold, part of the conflict the heros have to solve. An army led into battle by a tyrant. Refugees in a camp dying of malnutrition. Murder victims of a serial killer. In all these cases, death fuels the plot but has little meaning beyond that.

There are minor characters whose death both fuels the plot and gives the hero a more personal motive to act. Supernatural is full of these. Mary and Jessica burning at the ceiling; Charlie dumped in a bathtub. Minor characters can have their own arcs, but ultimately their deaths are only important for the impact they have on the main characters.

The death of a protagonist is markedly different. Protagonists need to have agency even in death to maintain their status.

Their death has to be the reflection of their character development up to that point but it also has to tell us something about them that we did not already know – show us how they make a final decision or draw a final conclusion that marks the end of an inner conflict – which is what all storytelling is about. Character death has to serve a purpose to have meaning, and for a protagonist, the purpose must be personal.

And If it fails to do that, then that’s either a sign that we’re no longer dealing with a protagonist, or that something weng very, very wrong in the writers’ room. There is no inherent value in tragedy. In storytelling, tragedy is justified when it achieves something, otherwise, it’s just capriciousness.

Buffy’s death at the end of season 5 of BTVS is a classic example for the death of a protagonist. Harry’s decision to go and face Voldemort in the forbidden forest, even though it doesn’t ultimately kill him, is another. When Sam jumps into the abyss in Swan Song, that is his heroic sacrifice, but if he’d permanently died in season 2, that would have been bizarre and nonsensical because it was entirely beyond his control – it did not reflect his decisions, gave him no agency, and reduced him from a protagonist to a side character. In that moment, his death was something that happened to Dean. It worked because his death didn’t stick – he regained his agency after resurrection. But as an ending to his hero’s journey, it would have been singularly unsatisfying.

Dean is our protagonist, and he has been for 15 seasons. What does his death tell us about him that we didn’t know – what decisions did he make, what inner struggle got resolved, what meaning did his death have for him, personally, and then, in extension, for us?

The problem is that the finale, as is so often the case in Supernatural, tells two stories at once.

Whe the episode starts, it appears that Dean moves on with his life just fine, a well-adjusted model citizen. He’s ready to get a job, seems to be moderately happy. He even has dog. The decision to keep hunting is his, and death just accidentally happens, which of course is not unrealistic in his line of work. On the forefront, his death is brought about by the fact that he exercises free will. It tells us that he is a hunter and will always be one, that he keeps protecting people because that’s just who he is.

None of that, however, is new. It is just more of the same. All of Dean’s decisions in the finale tell us nothing about him that we did not already know. He’s trying to move on from the death of the people closest to him, as he’s always done. He chooses the hamster wheel, as he has always done. He follows in his father’s footsteps, as he has always done.

As he gets impaled, he has no choices left to make. There is no agency in his death, no inner struggle. His death furthers neither his character development nor the plot. That Dean simply accepts his death is as unsurprising as the fact that his final moments are spent reassuring Sam and telling him that he has to keep fighting.

The conclusion? Dean ceases to be a protagonist.

He dies not as the hero of his story. His death just happens to him.

After Sam and Dean had presumably freed themselves from the constraints of Chuck’s narrative, the final episode should have emphasized their agency, their freedom of choice, through change. But in the end, it only led them both to making the same choices as always, the unsurprising ones. And even the choices that did indicate a change (like Dean’s job application) were not shown to bear fruits.

What meaning does free will have when it doesn’t change the outcome? All the finale does is tell a bleak story about humanity and how we are incapable of making meaningful, consequential changes in our lives.

It’s almost like Lucifer is talking to us all the way from the Endverse of 5.04: “Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up – here.”

Devastating as that is, there is another interpretation of the finale that is arguably worse, a different reading strongly suggested by both text and subtext.

Dean, as mentioned before, is trying to move on with his life but ultimately fails. The situation is different from the way he behaved when he lost Cas and Mary in season 13 where he was outright suicidal – his desperation is more quiet but also more profound. He seems determined to honor Cas’ and Jack’s sacrifice. But determination is not enough. Dean only goes through the motions, and it shows. He clings to the dog in the morning; the dog sticks to him closely throughout the day as dogs tend to do when they feel that their owner is in distress, almost like a therapy dog. His room looks messy, he makes an attempt to fix it but then abandons it as it requires too muh effort. Ultimately, he can’t be bothered. There are alcohol bottles standing around, a sign that he’s drinking, though not as heavily as in the past. All the while, he sems very laid-back, presumably relaxed and at peace and coping well with the loss but also weirdly detached.

When Sam mentions Cas and Jack at the pie festival, he says, “Yeah, I’m thinking about them too. You know that pain’s not going to go away. Right? But if we don’t keep living, then all that … sacrifice is gonna be for nothing.”

He feels an obligation. And he’s trying. It’s just not working very well.

He barely reacts when Sams pies him in the face.

When impaled on the rebar, Dean actively prevents Sam from calling for help. He tells Sam not to bring him back. And in the end, he asks Sam to tell him it’s okay to go. Which isn’t something he would do if he was simply dying – it strongly indicates that he wants to be allowed to die.

Prompting the conclusion that Dean is giving up on life the first opportunity he gets, not even knowing whether he’ll end up in heaven.

In this reading, Dean does have a little bit of agency. He makes a decision, sort of. His death marks the resolution of an inner struggle: He gives up.

He dies as a protagonist.

In the worst way possible.

In all honesty, I can’t decide which interpretation I hate more.

But what could the writers have done differently, if Dean was meant to die all along?

Back when the SPN finale had freshly aired, I was describing it like this:

Imagine that the One Ring is destroyed. But Merry died in the battle and Pippin went missing and was never found again. Frodo and Sam return to the Shire; Pippin and Merry are mentioned once in passing. Upon their arrival, Frodo is attacked by Wormtongue and slowly bleeds out over the span of thirty pages. Sam marries someone else than Rosie; Rosie is never mentioned again. Somehow, both Frodo and Sam are teleported to Valinor, where we are told that the real fun begins.

At the time, I only used this as an example to illustrate what a mess the finale had been. But in the weeks that have passed since, then, I’ve started thinking about the LOTR comparison some more, and it got me thinking about Dean’s death in a different way.

And it has everything to do with the difference between running from and walking toward.

As mentioned before, it’s not unrealistic that Dean would die on a random hunt. Would the Dean Winchester we know ever stop hunting? Maybe. We might want him to. Then again, would be still be Dean Winchester if he did? We know that Dean can’t help but feel responsible. He is someone who is incapable of staying hands-off.

Dean, as we see him in the finale, is trying to honor Cas’s and Jack’s memory by living, although he’s not very good at it – not outright suicidal but worn-out. Exhausted. And still he makes the decisions to keep hunting because he can do nothing else.

When Frodo and Sam returned to the Shire in LOTR, they had earned their happy ending. But Frodo, who had carried such a heavy burden that he was permanently altered by it, could no longer find happiness in Middleearth, and ultimately decided to depart for Valinor along with Gandalf and Bilbo with the promise of later being reunited with Sam. The journey had changed both of them, but it had changed Frodo to a greater degree, his responsibility had been greater, the weight on his shoulders heavier.

And I started to wonder whether the intention had initially been to show Dean in much the same state – and to frame his death as a decision to move on, the same way that LOTR has Frodo move on to the West.

Imagine the following: Cas is pulled into the Empty. His happiness and love change the Empty; he merges with it or otherwise changes it so that it’s now a more demon-friendly environment. Everyone there is at peace. Cas, in whatever form, moves on to Heaven – or maybe his soul does as it’s now mostly human.

Dean goes on a hunt and dies. Jack, or some other entity, shows up where you would expect the curiously absent reaper in order to give him a choice. Learning that Cas is in Heaven, and knowing that he will never be able to stop hunting if he remains on earth, Dean makes the conscious decision to move on. For the first time, Dean prioritizes his own happiness over his perceived duty. His death is no longer suicide by proxy, and neither is its sole purpose to illustrate the inherent meaningless of free will by turning him into a hamster-by-choice. Instead, it becomes a decision because he’s given back agency. He resolves an inner conflict and there’s even a final bit of character development as he breaks the chain of mutual co-dependency that ties him to Sam and allows himself to be with Cas. He remains a protagonist throughout the end.

And because he acknowledges his love for Cas and decides to be with him, he no longer just runs from, he walks toward.

The parallels to The Lord of the Rings get even more obvious when you take Sam into the equation because much like Samwise, Sam remains on earth in order to have a life that, for him, still holds meaning and the chance of happiness – whereas Dean can no longer be happy on earth as long as Cas isn’t there.

To be completely clear: I’d still think that such an ending would suck because it puts too much emphasis on an afterlife, and it would still send the message that characters like Dean could only find peace in death, and unless some adjustments were made to Sam’s arc as well, the ending would still suck for him.

But seeing as SPN plays in a universe where an afterlife exists, I could probably learn to live with Dean’s death if it had any sort of meaning, for him, besides dying and waiting for Sam to arrive, if it allowed for that final bit of character development. If he got to choose.

While I’ll never be able to see the finale that we actually got as anything but a complete atrocity.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Time for my feels dump thoughts on Diabolical Box...! y’all, this game. this game. I don’t think people give it enough credit for... a lot of what it does, despite the messiness of the plot reveals... but it’s so special and unique, in ways I’m only now appreciating. also this is gonna be really REALLY fucking long I am so sorry, but I have a Lot to say about the ending parts... i just love this game so much...... so i wrote a fucking novel bc of course i did.

also i played this in October, completely unintentionally, so that’s noice.

The amount of voice acting and cutcenes in this compared to CV is amazing, I love it so much, even if it is funny sometimes the dialogue they choose to voice and then abruptly cut off a few lines later.

I had COMPLETELY forgotten about Luke jumping on Chelmey and trying to rip his face off and it’s just the funniest fucking thing omg; Hershel in the background going “NO LUKE THAT’S HIS FACE” is comedic gold.

Will we ever know what Hershel was going to say when Chelmey asked him what Luke’s relationship to him was... dammit Luke why’d you have to cut him off.

Hershel calling the hamster “generously proportioned” is amazing. also “I’ve always said that helping rodents in need is among the duties of every true gentleman” Hershel... please tell me what other situations have made you say that... please...

Why is there an entire subplot about finding this Karen’s dog, just to make Chelmey look like even more of an idiot? if they needed to pad the game out more, they definitely could have done it with flashbacks or in places that I’m... ahem... emotionally invested in

Flora’s treatment in this game is so infuriating to me, like... why did they think this was a good idea? What was the point of bringing her into the plot for NO other reason than to be kidnapped and impersonated? Was it literally just because they needed a way for Hershel and Luke to run into Don Paolo and get the box back from him??? Why couldn’t, idk, Katia run into him in Dropstone and get the box from him and save Flora, that would still get the box to her and keep Flora in the group, and it would tip them off to Katia being related to all this even earlier, and Don Paolo could still be shown there if he absolutely has to make an appearance in each game. I know it’s because he has to be built up and then revealed, and because Hershel always has to have a dramatic point-n’-reveal every game, but whyyyyyy does it have to be at the expense of Flora. :))))) It would have been interesting to see her reactions to Folsense and Anton and everything, and not have Katia be the only female involved in all this; maybe she could, you know, actually have a personality!! hahaaaa who am I kidding...

beluga: “it’s already been a year since she passed away” me: whythehellyoucryingsodamnloud.jpg

Anderson talking about Dropstone and the sacrifices made to found it and how it can’t die out like “other towns”... with the song playing... whythehellyoucryingsodamnloud.jpg

The sheer coincidence of Katia going to Folsense on the same day that Hershel and Luke would end up in Dropstone and then there, and on the 50th anniversary of the town... not a likely one.

Didn’t some versions of the game come with a real version of the train ticket to Folsense? I want it D:

i also want a real Elysian Box, like can i commission someone to make one minus the whole you know actual gold, please, i’ll pay aNYTHING- *sobs*

LUKE HOW COULD YOU FORGET THAT HERSHEL IS AN ARCHEOLOGIST, AFTER ALL THE ARCHEOLOGICAL SHIT YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH

Hershel to “Flora”: “you’re as white as a sheet!” Don Paolo, minutes ago while the others aren’t looking: *furiously powdering his face mask or some shit*

Why was Anton’s diary lying in the street though... it doesn’t make sense that Katia or Beluga would have it, and they couldn’t open it anyhow. probably just a gameplay thing that should go unquestioned but I want to knowwww lol. Also wish Hershel and Luke had reactions to the entries.

Ilyana tho. Also bootleg Clive asdfghjkl

I LOVE THE TOWER OF HANOI PANCAKE PUZZLES

Am I the only one who doesn’t understand the obsession with the tea set... like yeah it’s fun to serve tea when you actually get it right, but I’m stuck with like two recipes missing and getting frustrated just trying and trying countless ingredient combinations on end because some of the npcs are NOT helpful enough in telling what to make :))))

Obviously Katia can’t reveal anything or say anything about why she’s there at all to keep the suspense till the end, but it would have been cool to see her working together with them and making a plan to get into the castle and help Anton aka I just wanted more scenes with Anton being nice and not flying into a rage over a misunderstanding ugh

It’s honestly pretty impressive some of the deductions/connections Chelmey makes in this game, despite his... other incredibly stupid ones lol

“iSnT iT oBvIoUs?”

WHY DOES HERSHEL RISK KILLING LUKE (AGAIN) WITH THE BOX. And why tf does it not do anything to them since they assumed it would...?

The biggest mystery of the series is how Pavel gets where he does, truly

The music in the forest is truly one of the best osts, god I love it. I also adore the Herzen Castle ost now, I never really noticed it before but it is WONDERFULLY creepy and heavy and melancholic and just... idk, those harpsicords go hard. damn.

Opening the Elysian Box is the best puzzle in the series, because of the meaning behind it. Or at least, it’s my favorite for that reason :^)

Alright folks so I’m gonna be completely, unabashedly honest here, and reveal myself to be the superficial, shallow fucker I am lmao: Anton is super hot and I’m still attracted to him even now, and I hate that we get so little time with younger him dklslskdfkflssd I AM SORRY I CAN’T HELP IT OKAY. BLAME THE VOICE ACTOR, HE HAD NO RIGHT TO SOUND SO UNEXPECTEDLY DEEP AND INCREASE ANTON’S HOTNESS LEVEL BY 1000%... just. god damn. damn. the dining room scene. the lighting. the way he puts his hands down and closes his eyes at one point. the way he says Herzen. the freaking sass with “chalk it up to my bad taste then.” the little clap. his entire design which just oozes Victorian era anime bishie beauty. kudos to the character designer who was like “well they said make someone cool and handsome and i wasn’t sure what to do but i tried and i guess it worked out” GOOD SIR BOY DID YOU SUCCEED. how dare this man turn me on so much, fUCK. And I know it’s super shitty of me to not like his old design as much!!! but just!!! why the beak nose.... why.... he was so gorgeous and then you give him the Bronev nose treatment..... i’m already so sad over the ending but you make him look so much sADDER, THE SADDEST POSSIBLE DESIGN FOR OLDER ANTON. It’s not that I mind him being old, I just wish he looked more like himself... there didn’t need to be such a drastic change. But I know I’m just being petty lmao. anyway stan Anton for most beautiful PL character always 🙏 Descole and Clive’s hotness have nothing on this man

*ahem* But to get back to serious topics, replaying this now when I’m older, with the ones after it in mind, I think I finally realize why this game stands out to me so much from the others, making it my favorite. To put it as best I can, Diabolical Box, to me at least, just has a different feel from all the other PL games. Yes, it’s still definitely a Layton game, you still investigate a mystery, there’s still puzzles everywhere, it still has a relaxing city or country feel to the atmosphere, there’s still lots of charm, but once you hit Folsense and the climax and the ending reveals, the tone sort of... shifts? Not drastically, but enough that’s different from any point in all the other games that I can remember; I feel like Last Spector might have the closest kind of atmosphere to Folsense at certain parts, but even then the plot of that game is nowhere near to having the same tone as this one. Diabolical Box, when you really look close at it and think about it, is dark. Dark in a way that none of the other games are, despite the darkness some of the others do have. And I think part of that is because almost every other game/movie is connected to the overarching story involving Hershel’s past and people involved with him, and so the drama and angst is very much grounded in London or other places Hershel would be/was, and in his time, but Diabolical Box is unique in that the story and characters in it have nothing to do with him. And to reflect this, Anton and Sophia’s story is based in the early 1900′s, the Victorian era, in a city so far separated from, again, everything to do with Hershel, that if you were to just watch their story by itself and take the professor and Luke out of it, and you knew nothing about the series, you could reasonably argue that it isn’t from a Professor Layton game at all. What I mean is that Anton’s story could be an entire anime all on its own surely it’s not obvious how badly I want that, nope, not at all, completely separate from this series, and it would work; it could be its own period era-esque drama series, still with all the supernatural shit intact later on. I can think of a few existing anime similar to what I’m imagining. 

And I really do think it would be amazing, because like I said this story is terribly, terribly dark, and sad; as a PL game, like a lot of the other ones, it can’t go deep into the nitty gritty of what makes Anton’s story so fucking depressing, but just like... Imagine it. Imagine being alone, for so long in that castle, so long that you don’t even know how long it’s been anymore, with virtually no one, after having your heart broken and being abandoned by the person you loved the most, and who you thought loved you, and getting no closure about it. This long post goes a ton of detail about Anton’s character and things he was probably feeling/reasons for his behavior, but in short, Anton’s mother is never mentioned, so combined with how distant he was from his father and the fact that he feels alone in his role in society and that no one truly sees him as a real person, it’s quite possible that he clung to Sophia unconsciously as a mother figure, and, in general, she was the only person who made him feel seen, and loved. The only exception was Beluga, but Beluga leaves the town and Anton behind after quarreling with their father, so... It’s just extremely apparent when you read the diary entries and his dialogue (with the voice acting) that Anton was always alone and terribly insecure, and that Sophia made him the happiest he ever was - and so her leaving him was devastating to him. He was alone for fifty years (and who knows how long it actually felt, to him), in a lonely castle and emptying town, his entire family either left or dead, his body slowly aging without him even knowing it, while he had a daughter and granddaughter born without even knowing it, and all the while he’s left with the misunderstanding that Sophia might have loved someone “better” than him all along, never getting answers, having to live with all that grief and guilt and blame and jealousy and self-hatred over a situation that wasn’t even entirely true. Imagine what your MENTAL STATE would be like, jfc it’s a miracle he’s as sane as he is in the game!! Not to mention everything that crashes down on him within TEN MINUTES AT THE END. Yes, Unwound Future and the prequels very purposefully heap the angst on with Clive/Dimitri and Descole respectively, like “we are trying so hard to make you feel for this guy cry cry cry” and I fall for it like the trash i am love them too, don’t get me wrong, but Anton’s tragedy is much more understated but in my opinion is by far the absolute saddest of them all. I just... i’m crying y’all, this poor man. give him a fucking HUG. Anton Did Nothing Wrong 2k20; he doesn’t even hurt the people he lures in with his vampire scheme!! he lets them go without a scratch!!! what a guy... give him a hug and blankets please i love him so much, him and Sophia- *sobs*

and also as a side note, I honestly think Descole/Desmond would fit perfectly into this game for a lot of these reasons, in the trend of “trying to fit Descole into the first trilogy”; he’s got the right Aesthetic™ for one thing, but mainly just he and Anton have a LOT in common...! actually, now that I think about it, Randall and Anton do too, but I much prefer the notion of Descole and Anton interacting. honestly, I’m toying with the idea of an AU where Desmond and resurrected Aurora end up in Folsense and solve that mystery themselves instead of Hershel and Luke; i think it’d be fascinating.

However, by the same token, as much as I LOVE this game and characters for all of those reasons... it also makes no fucking sense ahaha. How the FUCK does the gas work. The illness that started killing people when the ore was first unearthed and is the reason everyone starts leaving, is THAT from the gas I assume?? but like why?? cause eventually it just turns to making the town appear as it was years ago and keeping people young, so...? ARE ALL THE TOWNSPEOPLE NOT ACTUALLY THERE, OR THEY ARE AND ARE JUST YOUNG LIKE ANTON; I’m still not clear on this!! because Hershel at the end says they’re illusions, and yet when you talk to the npcs so many of them complain about being tired and feeling old, so what is the truth!! It would make sense if newcomers see the town as it is in the pictures, but there’s no reason for them to not age... in fact, I don’t understand where the not aging thing comes from at ALL, since if the idea is that the gas makes what you think will happen happen, how tf did that even come about in the first place??? There’s no way everyone who inhaled the gas would think the exact same things and have the exact same hallucination. And if fifty years passed in reality, how long did it feel like to Anton/others; surely it couldn’t have been that long if they never questioned why they weren’t aging? If the gas in the box put Schrader in a coma, what was his theory about what would happen? Why does nothing happen to Hershel and Luke upon opening it when they clearly assume something will happen? Related to other things, how does the box become the source of a rumor, and how does Schrader even get it? Do people just assume Anton is dead or otherwise gone, or do they know/assume he’s still in the castle but don’t try to see him because of the vampire? Does Beluga know Anton is still there, if he does it’s pretty shitty of him to ignore him, and why does he think the box has to do with the fortune of all things if he possibly knew Sophia wanted it and knew it had something to do with her and Anton (seriously I don’t understand Beluga, I really wish they’d done more with him; he looks so shitty even if you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he knew the least amount possible)??? Did Sammy know that the drugged flowers related to getting into Folsense? Did Katia know how to get into Folsense, and what was she planning to do if she never found the box in order to prove she was who she said she was? Why do some of the npcs act like they know the deep dark secret of Folsense and keep saying Hershel and Luke don’t need to know, and keep talking about the town being cursed, like do they really know the truth?? Or not??? LEVEL-5 I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS AND I’M TOO DUMB TO FIGURE OUT THE ANSWERS. EVEN LAYTON VS. WRIGHT’S STUPID REVEALS MAKE MORE SENSE THAN THIS AAAAAHHHH

anyway DB best game anton hot Even with all the weirdness though that makes this game the most Layton the Layton series has ever Layton’d lmao, I still love Diabolical Box so damn much. I love it so much, guys. It’s not part of a huge narrative, it’s not connected to the main characters; it tells its own little story and it does that perfectly. It’s so unique from all the rest, like I said, the plot has so much depth I don’t really see talked about, Anton and Sophia’s story is so beautifully tragic and underrated on a mature level that none of the other games really reach, and despite how upset I am we don’t get to see more of them, their love story is so impactful and emotional just from what little we do see, despite some of the oddities of how it plays out... they’re so sweet together and I cry so damn much over them ಥ⌣ಥ Iris is one of the most beautiful and touching songs in the series, too, and my favorite. And I’m a sucker for the Victorian era and cute romance lmao, so it just gets me like nothing else does... it’s so wonderful. saddest PL game, I will die on this hill. Even if I seem to talk a lot more about some of the other games/characters simply because there’s more content to talk about and there’s more to say about the more flawed content. you can’t improve perfection *chef’s kiss*, deep down, I think, this game will always be my favorite. ❤️

[simplyotometrash]

Smile for Me

A Kiro x Alex (OC) piece! 

Days dragged on and weighed on his body. He didn’t hate touring. In fact it was the opposite. He loved going on tours, meeting fans, performing onstage. All of those things were great. Superstar Kiro could act, sing, write and play music. He knew he was very handsome and cute. He loved games. He was an international sweetheart. The whole package. But none of the many things that he was, none of his millions of fans, could fill the hole left by the lack of his partner. 

He missed Alex so much! Awkward, adorable, agoraphobic Alex. His little video game designer! They were so talented and no one even knew it because they didn’t reveal themselves as the creator of ALeeGames online. He loved when he would hear people talk about their games or see threads online discussing how cool the designer for the games must be. Oh if only they knew! His little storm cloud would be so embarrassed if they knew some of the things being said. Alas, Alex tended to avoid threads about them. They only looked at threads regarding their games to gain input and insights on what they could do better or what people wanted to see. They even had separate social media specifically for their game handle.

As if on cue, his phone buzzed in his pocket. A video chat request from Alex! Ah! They had to be connected if Alex was calling while he thought of them! 

“Hey, cutie pie~!” Kiro beamed at his phone. Oh the sight of Alex made his heart dance. “I see you redyed your hair. Sticking to green for now?”

“Hiya, sunshine,” Alex laughed, blowing the camera a kiss. He heard a meow in the background come from Alex’s cat-son and his adopted cat-son, Kimchi. “Yeah, I thought I’d stick to green for now. I wanna try blue or purple but I just don’t know if I’ve got the guts to change it up.”

If only they had all the time in the world to talk. Kiro was in his dressing room before a concert. He didn’t have nearly enough time. No amount of time was truly enough to make up for the longing that long distance stirred within his heart. He couldn’t wait to be home with them.

“You would look good with any color, my little storm cloud. Wait until I come home! Then I can help you pick.”

“Ten minutes before go, Kiro,” he heard Savin say through the dressing room door. Plenty of time to get in some much needed Alex time. 

“I hate time zones,” he whined. “I can never sing you to sleep anymore because I’m so busy when it’s night for you.”

Alex laughed, shaking their head. Kimchi the cat came into frame, rubbing his head against Alex’s face. “I know, babe. I miss it, too. But you’ve got meet and greets and CD signings during the day on your tour. And you need to take naps before concerts. I’m just glad we find the time to call each other.”

The time differences sucked. He was so far away. Sometimes he would wake up at 3 in the morning because he heard his phone go off with a good morning text from Alex followed by an apology because they forgot what time it was for him. It only got worse the more he traveled. There were days he couldn’t even remember what time it was because the times changed from place to place. Further proof that time was just a human construct! A construct meant to keep him from his love!

“I will always find time for you! I even squeeze in checking both your personal and work social media accounts! I can’t wait to come home. I can beta test your new game for you, right? Right!?” Alex was almost always had to be their own beta tester. They were a perfectionist and didn’t want anyone to see something that was less than their idea of perfect.

“If my game isn’t finished before you come back, I’ll consider letting you beta test,” they said. There was a brief pause between them. “I...I did design the main character after you.”

Tears of joy pricked at the idol’s eyes. But he couldn’t let them fall! He had to go onstage and crying would stuff up his nose! “Alex, that’s so sweet! I’ve always wanted to be a video game character!”

There was another, much longer pause. Kiro knew the wheels in Alex’s head were turning. They had that look in their eyes. The little hamster in their brain was doing laps. Something was on their mind.

“I miss you so much.” Alex looked a bit downcast. They both knew he still had three months before they could be together again. Three long months.

“Hey, hey, no frowns! Your Superhero Kiro wants to see his storm cloud looking happy! If you smile, I know I’ll have a great concert!” Kiro made a little heart out of his thumb and forefinger, a bright smile on his own face.

Alex couldn’t help but laugh and smile back at their sunshine. He was always so supportive and bright. Like the sun. Alex was more like the moon, reflecting the light of the sun. 

“Five minutes, Kiro,” Savin popped his head into the dressing room. He got a look at the star’s phone screen and shook his head with a smile. “I’ll take care of him, Alex, he’ll be home before you know it.” He closed the door as he left. Savin was strict on Kiro’s routine but he was very caring. Like a father.

“I hate that we’ve gotta end the call but I need to get to my place to go onstage.” He pouted.

“Kiro, wait!”

His thumb hovered over the “end call” button, his head now cocked to the side. “What is it, Alex?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Call me when you get done if you’re not too tired?” Alex sounded hopeful. Though they knew it may be a long shot. Kiro needed his rest after all. They couldn’t be selfish and keep him awake.

“I will, I promise. I wanna fall asleep with you being the last thing I see.”

Thanks for reading!!!

[blackbatsnwitchshats]

New Opportunities

Chapter 5

Chapter Summary: Tomura's not quite sure where he and his Sensei stand now that their roles are somewhat reversed. Kurogiri's suggestion that Tomura should be the one to take him out for new clothes could either put him in a better standing or spell his doom.

________________

"Tomura, it's been a while since you've been outside."

"Yeah," Tomura muttered, briefly glancing up from his game.

He was on a winning streak. All he needed to beat the last level was one more point and he would finally beat it at one-hundred percent completion. Just one more point...

Kurogiri sighed, "Why don't you get some fresh air."

So close...

"After this last game. I can go to the mall and people watch for an hour or two."

"Alright."

Just a little more...

"On second thought, why don't you and Sensei go to the mall together?"

Tomura's character missed their jump and he cursed as all his hard work from the past two hours went down the drain. He glared at the game over screen before he turned the console off. Being the serial saver he was, not all of his progress was lost, but it was still a bummer.

"Okay, what was it you said just now?"

"You and Sensei should go to the mall together."

Tomura stared at Kurogiri for a few moments. "Why though?"

"Because Sensei hasn't seen the light of day in nearly three years and none of his old clothes fit him anymore. That, and you could honestly do with a new wardrobe as well. Two birds, one stone."

"Can't you do it though?"

"I could, but why would I when you already plan on going? There are things I need to get done around the bar."

"Like what?"

"Inventory. Last I checked, you weren't overly fond of that chore. What was the word you called it? Tedious? Or was it boring?"

"Alright, alright, I get it. I'll take Sensei with me to the mall. You don't have to harp on me."

"Uh-huh, sure I don't." Kurogiri hummed, "Just like I don't have to remind you to clean your room, right?"

"Okay! I'll grab Sensei and leave! Sheesh!"

________________

"Why do we have to hold hands again?"

"Because I'd rather not have to explain to Kurogiri that I lost you. It hasn't even been ten minutes, and you've already wondered off once, Sen-" Tomura quietly swore and corrected himself, "Ichidai. What the hell did your parents teach you about talking to strangers?"

"Nothing. They up and left my brother and I to fend for ourselves, Tomura."

That... explained a few things.

Tomura scratched at his neck with his free hand. "Sorry."

"Don't be," All For One shook his head. "You didn't know and it's no longer something that bothers me."

"If you say so..."

"I do."

All For One pulled Tomura along through the mall until they reached the cafeteria. There, they found a map displaying the layout of the mall and all the stores.

After a thorough investigation of the map, All For One turned to his successor. "I'll be relying mostly on you for this venture, Tomura. While I know you don't get out much, you're currently far more aware of what's popular right now than I am. It's been such a long time since I was a child that I have no idea where to even begin finding clothes to fit in. Any knowledge I do have on this subject is outdated and unreliable. The stores I remember have either moved, changed product lines, or simply no longer exist."

Tomura nodded as he listened, then looked back to the map. After a bit more observing, he asked, "What age do you think you are? Not mentally, I mean. Appearance-wise."

All For One thought for a short moment, judging his reflection in the glass covering the map. "I'd say... about ten or eleven, give or take a few months? Maybe?"

"Good enough." Tomura answered, once again taking his Sensei's hand .

This time, he was the one doing the pulling as All For One was forced to match his pace. For a while anyway. Halfway to the store he had in mind, Tomura glanced back and slowed down considerably.

The entire length of the mall wasn't all that large a distance to cross for Tomura, but puberty had blessed him with long legs. His Sensei didn't have that luxury anymore. Now, paused to catch his breath, his Sensei was flushed and panting just from trying to keep up.

Despite the drastic changes, it was so very easy for Tomura to forget his Sensei wasn't completely at the top of his game. Physically and mentally; he was better than ever, but in terms of strength, stamina and overall power? "Nerfed" really was a good way to put it.

Tomura shifted his stance akwardly as he waited. "Are you gonna be okay?"

All For One nodded stiffly, and though his face was hidden behind his hair, Tomura could tell he was frustrated. He'd seen that same defensive tension in his Sensei's hunched over shoulders plenty enough while the man -boy?- had been incapacitated to recognize it by now. He had only mere moments to prevent disaster.

Tomura inwardly panicked as his eyes roved over the shops around them, free hand once again scratching at his neck. 'How did Kurogiri deal with me? Uhhhh... he usually just let me wear myself out until I calmed down... I can't do let Sensei do that in public though! The attention would only make him more upset! Shit! What do I do?!'

Then his eyes finally landed on something that could work.

"Hey, Sen- er, Ichidai...," he started, "Have you, uh, eaten yet today?"

All For One seemed to startle before he looked up at him questioningly. "What?"

"Did you eat before we left?"

"No, I didn't. Why do you ask?"

"That's probably why you're so tired." Yeah, that's why. It totally wasn't because he was suffering a bout of "nerfed munchkin" right now. Nope. Not at all.

"You'd have more energy if you ate something, Sen- Ichidai."

"Well, what do you suggest?" All For One asked, "You're not saying that we should go back to the cafeteria after running all this way, are you?"

He shot a peeved look at Tomura, clearly unenthused about that idea. Though he probably meant for it to be disappointed or even threatening, he didn't quite achieve the desired affect. His puffed out cheeks and the pout on his face just made him look like a cranky hamster, and Tomura probably would have laughed at it if not for the imminent threat of a potential breakdown.

Instead, Tomura merely shook his head and pointed off to their far left.

It was a little cinnamon bun stand. Not exactly the best of breakfasts, but it was in the immediate vicinity and that was what mattered. Hopefully his Sensei would go for it.

However, the man-turned-boy seemed to hesitate as he eyed the sweet-smelling shop. "I shouldn't..."

"Why not?" Tomura looked down to him, confused. "You don't like cinnamon buns?"

"No. I do..."

"Then what's the matter? It's just cinnamon buns; one won't hurt. Or are you worried about Kurogiri? I won't tell him if you don't. Besides, it's your money, isn't it?"

Tomura watched his Sensei carefully. With each bit of convincing, whatever was holding him back seemed to crack and break. Though, ultimately, it was All For One's stomach that made his decision for him.

The low growl was just barely audible among the rest of the mall's noise, but Tomura heard it none the less. Upon realizing this, a flustered blush graced All For One's cheeks as he finally caved.

"Fine! I'll have one!" 

He began stomping his way over to the stand, and Tomura let out a quiet breath of relief that morphed into light snickers as he followed close behind. Judging by the increasingly incandescent flush on his Sensei's face, he didn't quite manage to hide them completely. Regardless, he supposed it wasn't all bad. His Sensei couldn't be too mad at him if the now-younger boy was still dragging him along by the hand. Crisis averted.

The young woman running the stand greeted them with a pleasant smile and asked what she could get them.

All For One stole a short moment to peruse the menu, then turned to Tomura after rattling something off. "Do you want one?"

Somewhat distracted by the sweet treats in front of him, it took a second for Tomura to realize what was being asked of him before he answered, "Sure. I'll have whatever you have..."

He tuned back in as their orders were put together. Thankfully, the prospect of food seemed to have put All For One in a better mood. A much better mood in fact.

It was almost surreal. His Sensei bouncing on the tips of his toes in excitement wasn't something Tomura ever thought he'd see. Granted, he wasn't dressed in his usual outfit -Kurogiri had done some digging and found some of Tomura's old clothes for him to wear for this trip, but it still felt strange.

It felt like he was seeing something no-one ever got to see, like he was seeing something private.

Tomura hurriedly turned his eyes back to the stand. The lady behind the counter finished making their snacks and chirped, "Thank you for coming! Have a good day!"

"You as well!" All For One chirped back as he snatched their plates.

They sat down at one of the tables in the stand's small dining area and began eating. Normally someone who preferred salty snacks, Tomura nearly gagged at how sweet the treat was upon his first bite. All For One had no such issue though.

While taking much smaller bites, Tomura gawked on. He could hardly believe his eyes. Their cinnamon buns were by no means small and covered in thick cream cheese frosting -with bonus strawberry biscuit sticks and rainbow sprinkles, because 'why not' apparently, but his Sensei was demolishing his own with an enthusiasm he'd expect from a second round with All Might.

Tomura pushed his half-eaten cinnamon bun aside. Resting his elbows on the table, he was perfectly content to keep an eye on everyone passing by while All For One finished his treat. Even if nobody knew who they were yet, it was better to be safe than sorry.

Especially with the state his Sensei was in right now.

"Tomura? Was there something wrong with yours?" All For One asked, a frown on his face as he eyed his own empty plate suspiciously.

Tomura shrugged. "Nah, it was alright. I'm just not much for sweet things."

"Here," he said as he nudged his plate towards All For One, "You can have the rest of mine if you're still hungry."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. I ate earlier before we left; I'll be fine until we get back. You'll need it more than I will anyway."

All For One smiled at him and pulled the plate to himself. "Thank you, Tomura."

"No problem."

It'd be a few minutes longer before they could get to shopping, but Tomura found he didn't mind it. His Sensei rarely smiled so genuinely, so -in a way- receiving one was a treat in and of itself. It more than made up for the wait.

________________

Once they officially started shopping, Tomura was reminded of why he hated coming to the mall for anything other than his people watching.

Yeah, he knew it was their job to help and ask questions, but he could honestly do without the store employees getting all up in his business. If he needed help, he'd ask for it. Unfortunately, the lady attempting to help them just wasn't getting the memo. He'd tried everything everything short of telling her to "f' off," and she was still pressing. It was really starting to grind on his nerves at this point.

To make matters worse, Sensei seemed to be enjoying his suffering. Apparently he knew something about the woman that Tomura didn't. Either way, the way he was chuckling at him made Tomura want to wipe the smug grin off his face.

Screw that cute little smile from earlier, Sensei was a little shit.

[blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms]

Gyrosphere - Zach Mitchell

Pairing: Zach Mitchell x Reader

Characters: Zach Mitchell, Gray Mitchell

Warnings: N/A

Request: Wattpad: “Can you do a Jurassic World Zach Mitchell imagine where him and Gray bump into the reader in the ‘hamster ball’ line and so they end up riding together when they come across the indominus rex and when they make it to shore after the jump he says something protecting her with his life.”

Word Count: 1212

Author: Hannah

When you had agreed to go on holiday with your friends, you hadn’t exactly counted on the fact that they were both going with their boyfriends and that they would just disappear on you.

Despite that, you had paid to be there, so you were still going to enjoy the park. You weren’t prepared to not do anything just because they’d all decided to go off on their own.

The gyrospehre ride, or hamster ball as you liked to call it, had been pretty popular all day, you’d done other things beforehand but had eventually decided to queue up for it.

Whilst you were minding your own business, you felt someone crash into the back of you and grab your backpack to stop themselves from falling.

You weren’t expecting to see a familiar face when you turned around.

Zach Mitchell – a pretty popular guy at your school who you sat next to in a fair few classes, but you never really knew what to say to him because you weren’t exactly popular.

He had always been lovely to you, making an effort to make conversation but it didn’t exactly go unnoticed with the populars at school.

Zach looked just as surprised as you, but you looked down at the younger boy who had fallen into you.

“Are you okay?”

The young boy looked up at you and smiled nervously. “I’m really sorry, I tripped, and my brother tried to stop me, but I just fell.”

You turned to Zach. “This is your little brother that you’ve talked about?”

He smiled at you. “Yeah, this is Gray,” he introduced. “Gray this is Y/N, we go to school together.”

Gray waved at you causing you to laugh.

“Are you here with anyone else from school?” Zach asked causing you to nod.

“I am but they’ve both disappeared on me, something about needing to spend time with their boyfriends and apparently they don’t care enough about me because they’ve left me in a very big place all by myself,” you explained causing Zach to frown.

“Do you want to ride with us?” Gray quickly spoke up, the excitement evident in his tone.

Zach looked at his brother in shock but then turned to you with a smile and shrugged his shoulders. “Might as well Y/N, at least it means you won’t have to ride alone.”

You couldn’t say no to the smile and so you agreed to go with the two of them.

Once you got to the front of the queue, you realised there were only two seats in the gyrosphere, so you turned to Zach.

“I’ll ride by myself, there’s only two seats in there,” you explained but as you went to step back, Zach grabbed your hand to pull you forward.

Before you could make any move to get away, Zach had sat down in the seat and pulled you into his lap whilst Gray sat in the empty seat.

“Zach! What the hell?!”

He chuckled as Gray looked around. “What? I wasn’t going to let you go by yourself.”

You rolled your eyes but managed to admit to yourself that you quite enjoyed the way Zach was holding you, even though you knew nothing would ever come of it.

As time in the sphere passed, an announcement came through telling you all to return to the main base and that you were near a restricted area.

“Zach, we need to go back,” Gray spoke up but Zach just shook his head as he continued to steer the sphere towards the restricted area.

You sighed. “Zach this isn’t a good idea.”

He chuckled, resting his chin on your shoulder. “Relax Y/N/N, we will all be fine. What’s the harm in looking a little further?”

“It’s restricted for a reason Zach,” Gray reminded his older brother.

Eventually, Zach agreed to head back through the route that you had taken to get there.

As you were going across the field, a few dinosaurs ran straight past you all and Gray started to make a few worried noises.

“Gray, what’s wrong?” you asked him, he just pointed in the reflection of the glass – staring back at you all was the indominus rex.

When you all looked back at the rex, it let out a roar and kicked the sphere as it chased another dinosaur.

As the other dinosaur went to run as well, its tail slammed against the sphere causing the three of you to scream as the sphere smashed against a tree and you were left upside down

“Zach, if we had gone back when we were told to this wouldn’t have happened,” you complained in worry and fear.

Zach’s hand reached round to grab yours. “It’ll disappear soon, and we’ll be able to get out of this thing.”

“But we’re upside down!” Gray exclaimed only to be shushed by both you and his brother.

You all stayed quiet for as long as you could as you watched the idominus rex kill its prey, but its head turned towards you when your phone started to vibrate against the glass of the sphere.

It came over and stabbed its claws through the glass before picking up the sphere and shaking it repeatedly, all whilst the three of you were screaming in fear.

Zach reached around and released your seatbelts and you all fell out onto the broken glass on the floor.

The three of you began to run through a meadow whilst the rex chased you, Zach grabbed your hand and you grabbed onto Gray so that you knew he was keeping up.

You soon had to stop as you came to a cliff edge with water beneath it.

“We’re going to have to jump,” Zach stated as he looked down.

Gray shook his head and backed away but Zach turned to him.

“It’s either we jump down there, or we get eaten.”

Zach squeezed your hand and you turned to Gray, who nodded his head at you and with that the three of you jumped into the water below – narrowly missing the rex’s teeth as its jaw snapped behind you.

The impact of the water was shocking, but you all stayed below the surface for a short time to trick the rex into thinking that you were dead.

After a few minutes, you all emerged to see the rex walking off and so you swam to the shore of the pool.

Once you got to shore, you lay on your back trying to catch your breath and soon Zach was pulling you up by your hand.

“This is not what I imagined for my day.”

Zach chuckled, pulling you into a hug and kissing the top of your head which caught you by surprise.

“But thanks for making sure I was okay.”

With a smile, Zach looked down at you. “I’d protect you with my life Y/N.”

You laughed. “And why might that be? You could’ve let the rex eat me you know.”

He shook his head. “I have a crush on you, have done for a while and I’m hoping this hasn’t made you hate me too much.”

Without saying anything you reached down to intertwine your fingers with Zach’s. “Get me back to the park in one piece and we’ll find out.”

[hcpefulmarshmallow]

Time for some long, unnecessary Meta. I’ve had this one in my brain for ages, but I haven’t really had an excuse to talk about it until recently. Identity isn’t a major theme in Nagito’s character (although it plays it’s part), and so, I’ve been putting this one off. Then, my good pal Ashi had to go be a literary genius and incorporate some really interesting things into their Gundham, and now I have all the excuse I need. So I’m going to be talking about him, too, to a marginally lesser extent, using aspects of the Best Gunny’s characterisation. (Seriously though, plug. I’m not even sure it’s possible to follow this blog and not know about Ashi’s Gundham, but on the off chance: @the-taboo-king.)

 Under a cut for length, philosophy, and shameless, shameless Roulette.

 This is the part where I say something that makes the reader’s eyes glaze over, but indulge me. No Exit is a 1944 existentialist French play by Jean-Paul Sartre. It’s about three people - Garcin, Inez and Estelle - who are all doomed to hell, except hell is just an ordinary room, and it’s really, really good. I’d highly recommend. 

 The characters spend much of the start of the play sitting around, waiting for Satan to show up with the hot pokers and the lube, but once the three of them are gathered in this room, nothing happens. All they can do is sit there, get to know one another, and watch the people they left behind on Earth live out the rest of their lives and move on. There’s nothing there except three chairs; nothing else for them to do. It’s explicitly mentioned that hell has no mirrors, so for instance, when Estelle wants to fix her makeup, she has to rely on Inez to tell her if it looks alright or not. The trouble is, Inez is really attracted to Estelle, so Estelle has no way of knowing if Inez is telling her the objective truth or not. Furthermore, Estelle is kind of grossed out at the thought of another woman being attracted to her, so she starts flirting with Garcin. Not because she’s especially interested in him, per se, but he is the only man there, and Estelle thrives on male attention. 

 Garcin doesn’t seem to want much to do with either Inez or Estelle at first, preferring to focus on watching his wife try and cope with the terrible reputation he left behind. However, eventually she, and everyone who knew him, dies or moves on. It becomes like he never existed, as it does for them all. 

 Garcin accepts Estelle’s advances, but it’s not her attention he wants. It’s Inez’s. She’s furious, jealous, and ready to throw some hands. Inez’s fixation remains on Estelle; Estelle’s on Garcin; and Garcin’s on Inez. Things become vicious between the three, until, at last, the door to hell opens. Garcin has the chance to leave, but he doesn’t. 

 The play is especially famous for the line “Hell is other people”, and directly opposes the old adage, “I think, therefore I am”. It posits that humans exist because we are seen, and therefore if we are unseen, we do not exist. At this point, Garcin has become dependent on his feud with Inez. He might be forgotten in the world, but as long as she hates him, there’s a him to hate. The absence of mirrors removes the characters’ abilities to reflect on themselves, so they can only experience themselves through one another. In that sense, their purpose here isn’t solely to be punished, but to punish one another for all eternity. 

 So, what does this have to do with Dangit Roomba 2, the game where everything’s made up and the deaths don’t matter? Like I said, this play has been in the back of my mind for a while when it comes to writing Komaeda, but it hasn’t been explicit enough for me to justify writing oodles about until recently. So before we talk about Nagito, let’s talk about the man, the myth, the hamster dad himself. 

 Identity is a major theme for Gundham. He cultivates his own very, very carefully, only breaking character here and there either to adjust himself (and comment on a “good line”), or when he’s flustered and his composure slips just a little bit. Given how much effort he puts into his words and appearance, you’d be probably correct in assuming he wants to be seen a certain way. He appears to thrive off the fear and intimidation he inspires, yet despite demanding “silence and solitude”, he seems to crave companionship, and find it best in those who can easily reconcile his demonic persona with the kind, nurturing person he is underneath, as opposed to people who try and see directly through it. He needs that persona, you see. He can’t cope with it being stripped away. I’ve spoken about Gundham’s tendency to play the bad guy even when he is, objectively, the hero, before, so I won’t belabor the point too much. But what I’m driving at here is, who he is, and how he’s seen, are too intricately linked to be separated.

 If you recall, the door to hell opens and Garcin has the chance to leave, but he doesn’t. 

 I can think of no better example than the ideas in No Exit, and the intricacies of Gundham’s character, falling into place better than Ashi’s future verse. Which is really, really good, and a masterful take on the philosophy of identity. When Gundham shatters the mirrors and covers the reflective surfaces in his living space, he is effectively robbing himself of the ability to see himself. He’s forced into the vulnerable position of his identity being placed in the hands of others. With no way to reflect on himself - literally and symbolically - he has to take what others say to him as is. Rely on other people to cultivate his appearance and judge what he can no longer see, and therefore, alter. Coupled with his persistent, subsequent self-aggrandizing and deprecation, and he’s submitting himself to the torment of being made into the villain of this story, no matter what he does from hereon out. 

 You see, the world isn’t in despair anymore. He’s been given a second chance. The door to hell is open, and Gundham has the chance to leave, but he doesn’t. 

 Like Garcin, he becomes reliant on the fight. The constant struggle against people who will see him in the worst light possible, no matter what he does. But unlike Garcin, Inez, Estelle, or even Nagito - and we will get to Nagito - he isn’t forced into this state, for survival or for punishment. At least, not by a third party. He’s condemning himself. He’s robbing himself of the ability to improve, or to see himself improve. He doesn’t think he deserves to. He relies on others to validate who he is, because others have always let him down. Always seen him as the villain.  The weird kid. The one not worth including. He’s waiting to be told, “Actually, you’re a bad person and I don’t want to be near you”. He’s waiting to be abandoned and left alone because, when there’s no one left to see him, he will, effectively, no longer exist. He’s given up on a meaningful, extraordinary death, opting to instead languish in the depths of oblivion. For someone who has grappled for years to forge an identity he can live with (again, that other meta I did on him a while back), this. This is hell. 

 Now that I’ve outed myself as a secret Gundham Tanaka stan blog, let’s talk about his boyfriend. Identity is less a key theme for Nagito, and more a background element to his character. So it hasn’t been something I could justify a thousand-odd words on so far. But now I have an excuse, I’m going to talk about the single most underrated ship in all of Dimple Raddish. Like I usually do. Look, there’s been a semi-recent semi-surge on popularity for Roulette in the fandom, just let me ride it out, okay? As someone who doesn’t shut up about these two, I have no idea how much of it I’m responsible for, but I am arrogant enough to take more credit than is due, so. You’re welcome, fandom. 

 For all the things Nagito is awkward and dumb at dealing with (see: All The Things), helping Gundham cope post-tragedy is one thing he does pretty effortlessly. Because what Gundham needs is what Nagito has in perpetuity: relentless, unyielding love. The only way Gundham will ever face himself again, is if he’s forced to believe there’s something worth facing. There is an opportunity in seeing himself as others do. He can see the good things he’s never let himself acknowledge before. 

Now’s as good a time as any to say: this is not a healthy way to be. And I’m not trying to imply that the love of the right person can cure years of trauma and abuse. But you know what can help? Being treated with some basic decency and respect. And heck, even love. Gundham is not a role model, and Nagito, less so. He’s a morally ambiguous, deeply damaged young man. He can’t really be fixed. But he can be given the support he needs to heal.

 This is the inevitable part in all my long metas where I lament that Nagito’s childhood was loveless, and robbed him of the ability the feel any kind of self-worth. That he’s rendered incapable of recognizing his own needs much less putting them first, as a result of them never being met. That he’s a good person who deserves a good life, and despite having been through insurmountable hell, it’s a wonder he came out the other side so, very capable of selflessness. And that it’s tragic his biggest wish in life is to just know how to feels to be loved in any way by anyone, just to have the most basic, fundamental human experience. F in chat. 

 Nagito has interests, and hobbies. He...reads, sometimes. He likes dogs. His luck ruins everything. But when he isn’t encouraging others to chase that One True Hope, what is he actually doing? What would he be doing if he never attended Hope’s Peak? Given how many times he’s been treated like a burden, can he ever truly feel like he’s worth something to anybody?

 There’s a sense of static around him, I feel. Like when the video quality suddenly drops, and it takes you a moment to realise. Who is he, exactly? The answer is simple and sad: whoever he’s told to be. He’s spent his life being treated like his feelings are a burden and he’s useless trash, therefore he is burdensome trash. In class he is often ignored and ridiculed, so he largely keeps to himself during group activities, and whenever he says something out loud, he often scolds himself for it before anyone else can. You know, that whole, “Haha sorry, that was a bit much, guess I’m just trash” thing he does. He has to be this way. For his own survival, for whatever sanity he has left. It’s easier to be treated like garbage if you believe you deserve it.

 It’s normal for people to be different around different people. But I find that to be especially true with Nagito as I play him through different relationships with different people. The more he is with Gundham, the more his nurturing, animal-loving side comes out. The more he is with Celeste, the more we see his intelligent, competitive, gentlemanly side. With Sonia, his ability to be princely and adventurous; with Chiaki, his gentle and relaxed nature, with Yuuki, or the WoH, or literally any child under his care, we experience a strong paternal side to him. He is by no means a different person, but different aspects of his personality are given more dominance over him as a whole, based on what somebody sees in him. He’s very capable of stepping up, but only when he feels someone expects him to. Otherwise he’s content to sit on his hands and watch, because he doesn’t think he deserves anything better. 

 Nagito will not see these things, or anything especially good, in himself until he is given permission. Until he is made to feel, by an authority higher than himself, that it’s okay. He exists as others see him. If someone he looks up to, whose opinions he values, recognises the - for lack of a better term - hope in him, he will eventually be forced to accept that it’s there himself. He might even. You know. Develop enough self-respect one day to forge a more self-actualised identity. Have the audacity to want things, and have dreams and stuff. He might even follow them. It’s a long, tiresome, non-linear process; but a worthwhile undertaking if I say so myself.

 I guess the tl;dr here is that: both boys validate themselves through the eyes of other people because it’s the only way they know how. It’s not a good or healthy thing to do, but with the right kind of support, and enough time and patience, maybe next time the door to hell opens, they’ll have the courage to leave. 

[bloodstainedangelic]

My Experience with The human Condition

I feel like I should start writing this somewhere so maybe someone sees this and avoids some of the mistakes i've come to make threwout my life. I dont exactly plan on this being a autobiogeph, But things are confusing at the current moment. Let's get Started Let me start of by intreducing myself Hi, Im Roy Otherwise Known as janro a Afrikaans Raised South african 22 year oldAnd Im a Psycopath of sorts Now my Grammer or Spelling wont be a real reflection of my Brain so to speak, or my Character im in general bad with spelling but im good with words I guess. Im not a Psycopath in the general sense of what most people think , No I dont hurt people I have yet to murder someone in case your wondering. But I dont feel things like people should, Happiness IF you could call it that comes for me in the form of anger and immense moments of depression Tho im not sure what those Emotions really mean, Its the closest I come to feeling anything tho, Im not sure what anything is really, I find it impossible to learn anything from anyone, I think it might have to do with the fact that I usually Find myself better the work.Its a bad habbit because of that I learn to hate almost everything I do, Yet i Tend to be good at it, Everything ive ever undertaken ive either excelled at or simply never bothered to even try at it. I have no Motivation for anything It seems Pointless I dont see the purpose of running the hamster wheel of a life we tend to live, Im lonely So lonely yet I have a beautifull girlfriend thats wonderfull really. Shes amazing, A little one the only thing probably keeping me around my Beautifull little child. But that hurts me in the same breath because I want to see the world and expierence everything from every corner of the world in hopes that i find something that brings me Purpose, But now Because of her im forced to run the hamster wheel. And this is has been the hardest undertaking of my life. a year at college to get a Degree thats gotten me Nowhere and Taught me nothing, The person "In Charge" of teaching us" was so incapible him self I actually found it amusing in times so now with no Safety net noone to run to, No more Money to study Further, I sit here everyday Trying to find a job im totally unprepared to do. Maybe I am Ready but You see im intentionally or unintentionally self destructive I dont know, I cant afford to see a Therapist to try and deal with my Problems. If that would even help, So here i Am hoping some Stranger reads this and Borrows me a ear or some advice, Im trying to briefly Summarize my Current Situation So IF you're not interested in the full story Stop here. As a child I use to excell at everything I did at 12 I was already taking care of my Drunk of a dad, And teaching my Mother and sister how to cook, How to teach, How to handle there work and school life's I've always been the helpfull Silent kid that helps everyone els out with a smile but never quite getting anything in return, Well not In the general sense atleast. See I thrive on Others Emotions Im kind of a Morphic Person I adapt my Personaly and Characteristics to the person im talking to, So "Me" as a person my "Personality" Doesnt exsist its totaly Dependant on my current situation Because of that i've found it easy to Manupilate people Especially People who think they have the upper hand. When someones Following my Everywhim I feel this " At home" feeling And I guess because of this My life turned out the way it did. See for me Nothing Ever works out the way its suppose to, Im a Hopeless Optemist at time but its never worked out not even once, I've never had a plan work out before Yet I cant bring my self to "Just go with the flow" Because I tend to feel very little 99% of the time I've always been the calm and Colected person in my Family so everyruns to me if theres trouble or if they have problems. I'd love to run to someone I know for help right now, But I dont think anyone I know has the brain cells to understand the odd situation im in. Basiclly Im stuck in a puddle and ive got no way out. Theres no branch to latch onto no doors to open threres nothing ahead, I'd love to say all I need is for someone to give me a chance but im not sure I can get what they need from me done, Every Dream ive ever had ive had to toss into the wind because of one or another situation Either money family or loved ones. I feel like Im not good enough for anything anymore I've always had this rock solid self confidence lately none of thats left, Im the kind of guy that can write a 4000 Word essay on the spot usually and right now i dont even know what to write anymore, My Life is a Shit show right now, And ive got no outlet So im hoping this provides me some kind of support. I've lived a complicated live uptill now I've dealt With a Drunk for a dad thats sold everything ive almost every owned when i was living with him I turned to drugs to Feel something at some point But I litterly Stopped that Addiction simply by doing so much drugs that i'd be able to go to the hospital if i OD'd or Feel so shit that I can mentally start to restructer the addiction as a "Pain in the ass" "A hassle" It wasnt some Therapy or Rehab that helped me Just me simply Lying to my self and Ya I do get Cravings from time to time , But Eh. after that I spent 3 Years sitting at home trying to find a job And eventually after Interview and Interview failing I ended up Going to study and it this point im sure you know how that ended, And now im a Neutral Rock that cant feel anything but Crushing Self Pitty and Demotivation towards every daily act Its gotten to the point where i'd rather be hungry for 2 days straight then get up and make my self some Instant noodles or a Cheese sandwitch The other day I had such bad Stomach Cramps That i fainted, Probably because of the lack of neutrition but Eh I dont have the money to see a DR and I cant be Bothered trying to Improve my Diet as an Example I use to Weight About 90KGs Athletic Guy with Big "Muscles" I weight 42 KGs atm I Disgust my self when i look in the mirror lately When i see how ive let my self just Rot I honestly looked better on drugs Hell all the photos on this twitter I was high as all shit. I cant Off my self cause what about my kid. And That would be to much of a hassle honestly I mean ive been trying to kill my self slowly for years but still. I cant improve my life because I have no motivation And to improve it I would need a job and at this point I cant even remember what I had for Breakfast. Ooh And ive been Self Medicating with 7 Types of Anti Deppresants None of wich work btw All they do is make me feel "Edgy" when I forget to take them. But yeah I mean Shitts Tuff Im having some real "First World" Problems at the moment but to be honest i'd rather be in a warzone or some apocelyptic fuckery of a area atleast there id have a daily in and out and hell maybe the idea of getting murdered everyday might drive me to do something with my life althought thats doubfull But yeah if you got this far I think I owe you a Alot, and hell maybe you feel the same but I just want someone to fucking help me. I Feel fucking broken And I really just need some Help.

[xxsanshinexx]

Yeah, definitely kick-ass

In honor of Hoshi’s birthday <3 also this goes out to the main Hoshi stan that blesses my blog @hoshi-my-love

Characters: Hoshi x Reader

Genre/Warnings: I’m pretty sure this classifies as a crack fic?

Words: 1,317

Summary: Hoshi thought you’d be impressed by the bike he was leaning against. It made him look suave and in his mind, pretty damn hot. He didn’t know that you were the owner of the bad-ass bike he obviously didn’t own. 

Hoshi had been looking for his car for the past ten minutes. In the large parking structure he couldn’t remember which level he had parked on. If only he had brought someone along with him. Maybe then he wouldn’t be walking up all the levels searching for his little automobile.

“Damn,” He muttered to himself, “Where the hell did I park it?”

It didn’t matter where he looked, it was all the same silver and white cars that were so unlike his own. He thought that maybe having a bright orange car would have helped with his situation but it wasn’t. His shit memory was enough for him to start climbing up to the fourth level in search of his car. At this point he was almost willing to call the rest of the boys to come help him search. He had been up and down the entire building constantly beeping his car to try and find it with no luck. It was just to his benefit that he couldn’t remember and now apparently he was hard of hearing.

Giving out his twelfth loud sigh of the day, he reached the top of the stairs to the fourth floor. The entire floor of cars looked the exact same as the one he had just came from. With a frown on his face he began to walk the length of the floor, trying just to find at least something that would jog his memory. He couldn’t find anything useful.

“I’m never gonna hear the end of this!” He quietly cried as he tried to beep his car for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. Not even a single car on the floor beeped.

“Great,” He groaned and spun in a circle just trying to get a grip on his mind, “This is just fantastic-”

He paused as his eyes landed on what he thought was a particularly kick ass vehicle. A all black motorcycle that Seungcheol would never let him even come close to touching sat undisturbed in its parking space. Hoshi looked around to see if the owner was anywhere near before running over to it like a little kid. He had half a thought not to touch the precious bike but that was erased from his mind as soon as he could see his reflection in the sleek metal. At that point he had to know if it felt as good as it made him look. It certainly did and he couldn’t have cared less that he was caressing an incredible automobile in the middle of a relatively deserted parking structure.

That was until he heard footsteps coming from the stairwell.

He froze thinking that maybe it would be the owner themselves but he relaxed as he saw who came out. A beautiful human who he no doubt wanted to impress. He thought quickly of something that would impress people usually. Someone always thought bad ass biker dudes we're cool, right? Hoshi went with it and leaned against the bike like how he thought someone bad-ass would’ve.

You were walking right towards him and he thought about what he could say as you walked by. He racked his brain for what the guy said in the movies when he was leaning against a cool car. Maybe he could pull off a Flynn Ryder? He didn’t have much time to think because you were right by the tail of the bike. Hoshi mustered up all the charisma and confidence he had and put on what he thought was a tough guy smile.

“Hey there,” He grinned, a slight purr in his voice to act somewhat attractive. You stopped right at the tail end of the bike and raised your eyebrows in surprise. Hoshi thought it was probably because you didn’t expect him to talk to you.

“Hello…” You trailed off with a slight smile and a amused glint in your eyes.

He threw you a little Flynn Ryder esc smolder, “How are you doing today?”

A little giggle could be heard from you and you shook your head, “I’m good.”

“Me?” He tried to play up his fake bad boy persona and leaned his arms  back against the handles of the bike. “I’m doing great… especially since you came along.”

The wink he sent you made you burst out in laughter. Hoshi gave a little excited grin but internally he was terrified. Why were you laughing? Was that a good thing? He knew he was funny but he was trying to be cool dammit! He would need to ask Joshua about it if he ever managed to get back to the dorms.

“You probably would be doing a lot better if I never came along.” You laughed and his brows furrowed in confusion.

“What do you mean by that?” He asked still playing up the bad boy act as much as he could. He drew out his words and nodded his chin towards you. If Hoshi was being honest, he had no idea what he was doing only that he had seen this sort of thing in a movie a long time ago.

You kept laughing even as you talked, “Wow…. you just. God! You’re so cool leaning against things that aren’t yours!”

The color drained from his face and he wished he had never noticed the bike that reflected his face in its sleek black paint. Upon hearing your words, he scrambled off the bike in a rush. He was trying to be cool but had ended up only making a further idiot of himself. You were still smiling at him even as he almost ran into the car parked next to your bike. He was so panicked and embarrassed he couldn’t even think straight. Why couldn’t he have just not lost his car!?

“I’ll give you props,” You said as you watched him scramble for some form of composure. “You did almost have me with the smolder.”

Hoshi tried to calm his breathing and gave a sheepish smile, “I’m really sorry! I just wanted to impress you really bad…”

Your eyes lit up and you walked by him, “You could have just done that without my bike just as easily.”

“I…” He looked up in your eyes and saw you weren’t lying, “My name’s Hoshi.””

You smiled at him and he thought he might just burst, “Y/N.”

“That’s a lovely name,” He mumbled and you giggled at his words. He hoped you thought he was cute at least.

You mounted your bike and smiled back at him, “You should be yourself more Hoshi. This bad boy thing doesn’t suit you.”

“I thought I was pretty kick-ass,” He pouted and you laughed as you put on your helmet.

“You’re about as intimidating as a hamster,” You revved up the engine and he took a slight step back. “I hope I see you around Hoshi.”

“I hope so too,”  He replied in almost a dazed manner. You tossed him one more smile before taking off on your bike. He screamed out in embarrassment as soon as you were out of his sight. How could he be so stupid! He should have totally realized that it was your bike, especially when you stopped in front of it. God, Hoshi couldn’t believe himself sometimes.

His phone went off in his back pocket and with a sigh he answered, “Hello?”

“What’s gotten you so down?” Joshua’s voice laughed through the phone and Hoshi gave a little chuckle.

“I’m never going to tell you.”

“Fair enough,” Joshua said, “But I was calling to ask why your car is going crazy. It’s beeping nonstop and I thought you said you already left?”

“Josh, where are you?” Hoshi asked, his eyes wide as he came to a conclusion.

“In the parking garage… by Macy’s. Hoshi, where are you?” Joshua questioned with worry evident in his voice.

Hoshi screamed in frustration again, “I’m in the wrong fucking parking lot!”

[myvoicenottheoneyougiveme]

Just have to say, you've all but confirmed that the "alternate" account is the alias in question. Not that it was some random account or group of accounts, but just ONE, my original URL, the one that went missing the moment I let it go, on my way out the door for the last time. An exit I “announced” to one specific person. The only one who could have been waiting there to take it.

What’s followed is a backpedaling on everything that’s been built here. And rightly so. But the moment I even suggested that your “sweet nothing’s” were worthless, next to the blood on your hands, you FLIPPED right back.

Sorry not sorry if an admission by you of error in “this” war of aggression, with all its criminal means, overstepping every line ever in its grandiose sense of vigilante justice, always with the promise of evidence YET TO BE FOUND, means RESPONSIBILITY for the last DECADE of the hell you have put me through.

There is no scenario where it isn't. But apparently in your irrational, mental gymnastics, you seemed to think so ...till I called you on it. Then you almost immediately flipped back to... well well well, “COPY CAT KILLER”, ya, ya. Cause, you're JUST BAD and "this" was all warranted besides, so, so, so it doesn't hinge on this one thing and we were already justified and are STILL, ya STILL justified, WITHOUT this original impetus.

Like I'm somehow responsible for whatever you say happened, like I "inspired" someone else JUST BY EXISTING. Just by being, what was it again? Evil? So, not evil, but still evil? That's extraordinary. Wow, we're right back to, YOURE BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD AND YOURE BAD. Like you go within 24 hours from admitting that I'm not the EVIL you've sold me to be, to NEEDING to get something off of yourself, all over again.

It’s as if reality really does just bend to your reflection. Like all of “this” ever, was never more than a petty person trying to not be up against something between them and themselves. You get to play the character you want to play on a stage made out of the flesh of my life, and more importantly, NEVER be held accountable FOR ANYTHING.

And how have you done that for years on end?

By making the other person into something worse.

A scapegoat, as they say, when talking about these pathologies.

Cause that’s what I am. That’s all I am. That’s all I ever was. I am whatever keeps a thing off of yourself. I am whatever keeps you feeling good about yourself. I am whatever keeps you IN CONTROL. I am whatever makes you feel powerful over your own reflection.

That is my life’s only purpose, having been swallowed alive by yours. Second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, eleventh, twelfth, thirteenth, fourteenth, soon to be fifteenth verse same as the first.

I’m not gonna get on this hamster wheel, I’m just gonna point out your flip-flop, which is all that’s ever ever happened here... just more pulling a rug out from under. Here, here JK JUST KIDDING. “Whiplash” for effect. For “science”.

There are laws against what you’ve done. Proving it, proving cyber-stalking, harassment, organized stalking, cyber-bullying, well good luck, right? Good luck for anyone that might ever try to combat what you’re doing. It’s not something law enforcement is all that equipped to deal with, even if I were able to report it. But laws in recent years, reflect a need to address THINGS LIKE “THIS”. There are laws against what you’ve done. There are laws against “This”, and there are psychological profiles for PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

How dare I go out on a limb and say that what you’ve done here is beyond evil? How dare I? How dare I?

I’ve made a rhetorical point about your total lack of sincerity. There’s no way to admit error in all of “this” without admitting... whenever you’ve tried to play some kind of benevolent something or other and reframe all of “This” and reinvent yourself and what you’re doing here, and I refuse to be moved on the fact that “This” is in and of itself abusive, just for happening at all in the first place, your ONLY way back from that was to say “WELL ITS BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT!”

So... “this” is or is not EVIL? ...done to EVIL?

But what if that ADMITTED evil, is being done to someone that didn’t deserve it? What does that make the person doing it?

“Nothing wrong with ‘this’”, your every action ever could be translated. Your only comeback in your mental gymnastics is to say that evil done to evil isn’t evil. But then in a rare turn of events you admit error in your prejudgement of everything “THIS” was built on, and say “Ok, it’s over. We were wrong.” And then I say, “YOURE DAMNED RIGHT YOU WERE! Keep your insincere, disingenuous bullshit away from me and GET THE FUCK OUT!”

And now I’m just EVIL again, like, nothing “this” is built on is or ever was anything more than the whims of how you’re feeling at any given moment.

This isn’t a negotiation. You don’t get to just back out of “this” gracefully and get some kind of “AWW THATS OK, I KNOW YOU MEANT WELL” from me.

THE FUCK!!!!!??

No, you get a, “well, if you REALLY meant that, you wouldn’t be vying for my approval of that supposed verdict that’s based on facts and evidence and not what reactions it gets out of someone. You’re beyond monstrous for having put me through all of ‘this’. If you actually wanted to make anything right, you wouldn’t still be here, or you’d be paying damages for my silence --sorry, what case? --for your CONSCIENCE. SINCE, you’re apparently bringing this verdict to me like you want a reaction from me or some kind of approval. Who the fuck do you think you are? What makes you think MY opinion of you could ever be changed? Why is MY reaction, acceptance or approval... just no. I will be dead before I ever forgive you for what you’ve done. Your half-assed carrot on a string games aren’t new to me. You can go to hell.”

Nine years. Ya, let’s just pretend they never happened.

And if you pretend to say that you were wrong, then you need to explain to me how all of “this” and the last nine years in general are somehow still justified. Guess that hadn’t crossed your mind, till I gave you the finger, huh?

We’ve been round this block before.

You were either wrong or you weren’t. You don’t get to have it both ways. And you don’t get a pass from me for what you’ve put me through.