#so i just say oh you know. im doing! im chugging along! im girlbossing! or i focus on other things like. im tired or im hungry yknow.

[lilacponds]

the wanting your friends to not worry about you while you clutch your chest and cry at random intervals while knowing you've been through this before and you will again and it's always been and always will be worth it while being unable to eat or sleep much while reassuring your friends youre fine while

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i want to be able to be in pain and grieve and be sad. but i dont want my friends to be sad for me. i dont want to be asked how im doing

im in pain but i mean it when i say it will pass and i know it, not in the 'im keeping hope and positivity' kind of way but in the 'its an unescapable cycle of my life that im happy to go through'

of course im not happy about what happened, or that im in pain, but i would do it again in a heartbeat if i could go back in time. love is worth it

its like...

this is a personal type of pain. i hold it precious in my palms. its not for sharing, its my treasure and mine alone.

this is not just about pain. its about the happiness it follows. its about the love overflowing. its about the wonder hidden in the corners. its about realization and sacrifice and all the little things that no one can really get because they havent lived through my specific experiences.

its precious, to me. to keep near my now-aching-soon-nostalgic heart. to hang on the walls inside of it.

spending time with loved ones helps soothe, of course. i'm not shying away from that. but my stinging and my healing are mine to cherish.