#so i guess my neighbour could not find anything better this time around

[russell-crowe]

i cherish small gestures of love. my neighbor leaves flowers under my windshield wipers when our cars are parked close at the train station. my friend sings her favorite songs unguarded next to me, making eye contact that silently invites me to join in. whenever i open my parents' fridge, my favorite food is waiting there. the world is whispering: you are loved, you are loved.

[dollywheeler]

October 24th, 1996

Mike is such a DOUCHEBAG! What? Just because he’s back in town he thinks he can dictate how I live my fucking life?! I knew this would happen! Knew he would just go back to looking at me like the goddamn 5 year old he couldn't give a damn about! That was nothing but a nuisance!

As if I can’t take care of myself! God, if he thinks I give a shit about his opinion he’s going to be sorely disappointed! Sure, not jumping four feet in the air and possibly breaking my neck at seven in the morning where no one will find me for at least another hour, made sense. That I can place and admit to being dangerous! But just running? What? I’m so fragile I might twist my ankle?

Fuck, and the way he yelled at me? Like I’m some dumb child that should know better?? I do know better! Which is why I always leave a note with my exact route and expected time of return - not even because I think anything might happen, but because I have common human decency and don’t want mom to worry when she wakes up to find me gone! Something he could’t give a rat’s ass about!!

Seriously, it’s so fucking rich that he thinks he has the right to scold me about running around Hawkins - Hawkins of all places, as if there are more boring towns than this! - in the dark without adult supervision! I’m so mad it’s insane. I don’t think I’ve ever been this pissed off before, it’s genuinely quite impressive.

To think that an hour ago I was so content to wake up early and go for a run before school. I was in such a good mood too - he ruined it.

He just doesn’t understand! I already can’t practice my routine - not the full, difficult parts of it - so the least I can do is work on my cardio and stamina! But when I tell him that he’s all like “just ask a friend to come along next time!” And I try to tell him that’s not an option but he just - ugh. He doesn’t get it. There’s no point in practicing extra when everyone knows you’re doing it. It will just make everyone think I’m being a try-hard or a suck-up or whatever! Or just think I’m being weird for needing the extra practice!

Great, now I’m crying again because I'm pathetic! Fucking Mike. Fuck this shit.

Okay, so I didn’t actually finish this entry, for many reasons. I didn’t even start it properly - not that the “dear diary” really matters, I guess, but it’s the principle of the thing.

Anyway, even though it’s been hours, I’m still pissed off, don’t worry, but at least now I have the time and state of mind to finish. I’m skipping English as I’m writing this down - I know it’s terrible for a lot of reasons.

1, my school record, but what is Mike going to do? Report me? Fuck that. And fuck him.

2, It’s letting him win. I recognise that. But I guess I’m weak because I really can’t deal with seeing him right now. God I hate him.

3, Danny is probably wondering where I am, which means I’ll have to tell him what happened.

Damn - maybe I didn’t think this through. I can probably spin it - say I wasn’t feeling well or something. Except I don’t want to lie to him either… Well, it’s not technically a lie. Still, I’ll probably just tell him some part of the truth - he can know I was pissed at Mike. He doesn’t have any siblings but he’ll probably understand anyway.

To think that for a while I considered myself an only child… tragic. I was so fucking close to just having a cool older sister that was too far away to meddle in my life. I was in control of my life - I still am!

Mike just thinks he has a say all of a sudden - which he doesn’t. Two weeks of being civil does not a brother make!

Seriously, it was so disorientating to just be running one minute, thinking nice thoughts, wondering about the english assignment, only for Mr. Wheeler himself to actually see me and come storming out freaking out about me running in the dark! It's Hawkins in October! It's dark all the time!

I was so shocked, I could barely defend myself. God, the neighbours will probably have wondered what the fuck was going on - If our shouting match didn’t wake them I’m sure they’re dead.

The worst part was that I still had to go to school after… I'm sure everyone could tell I was off. Or at least Dylan would have, if she hadn't been a thousand miles away today herself. I'm kind of glad for it. Danny sending me worried glances was more than enough, and just getting to listen to Whitney rattle on about yearbook and today's lunch and whatever else was not living up to her standard was nice. Distracting.

Still, I wish I could just go home already - I want to lie down and mope and pretend like it's still three months ago when Mike was far far away! Then I wouldn't have to deal with his judgement and his meddling and his passive-aggressiveness towards mom and dad. And I could just kiss my boyfriend in school without fearing he might see.

Sadly, I still have cheer practice and I can't skip it. It's already bad enough that Dylan has a brace around her wrist again.

This just reminded me I'm still wearing Mike's bracelet - it really shouldn't make me feel better but it does. It's petty as hell, and he probably doesn't even remember it exists, but whatever.

He should just go back to not remembering me.

- Holly

[ourpreciousthings]

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦���𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐭

Rating: 18+

Summary: Your neighbour hood best friend invited you to stay at the Millers, what could be so bad about staying with someone you have known since high school? How could a late-night swim change everything?

Word count: 27,807

CW: Dom!Joel, Sub!Reader, Basically Porn, Chocking, daddy!k!ink (if you squint), Pet Names, Praise!k!nk, Degration!kInk, Metions Of Physical@buse, Sir!k!nk, Unprotected P in V (wrap it before you tap it kids), Breeding!k!nk (if you squint), Porn With Mild Plot... Let me know if I forgot anything, thank you all and I love you!

A/N: Some parts feel rushed but I hope you enjoy it overall! P.S. I decided to just make this a oneshot instead of a small shitty seires and I got some people saying that they couldn't find some of them and I think that's for the best for this one.

Pairing: DBF/BSFD!Joel Miller X f!reader (No outbreak) (Joel is 40 and Reader is 21)

“I told you I can go to my aunt's place for the break,” “and I told you my dad insisted, he wouldn’t want you to spend summer break alone,” she cocked her perfectly shaped brow. “Sarah, I have known your dad for the longest time, and I know he wouldn’t. I just don’t want to be a bother,” I huff as the cruel heat of Dallas fills my lungs. “You? A bother? Never, he adores you, maybe a bit too much but I mean he enjoys the company, just make an old man happy,” she tucked a blonde lock behind her ear. “Okay, I mean I guess it’s better than staying with Aunt Marry in San Antonio,” “you got that right,” she scoffed.

⊹・・──────・・୨୧・・──────・・ ⊹

Spending summer with a hot Joel Miller, not how I choose to spend my time relaxing. How can I even relax when he is strutting around the house in those tight shirts that stick to his muscular body as a light layer of sweat coats his skin? I down the last of my beer as Sarah stood from the pool. 

“Hey, guess who is coming over?” She asked in a whisper, “well if you’re whispering, I guess your dad won’t like them,” I look up from my tilted shades.

“Just guess,” “who?” “The whole gang,” she hummed to herself. “There is no way everyone is in town by coincidence, you set this up,” I said in more of a statement than a question shifting in my seat. “You would have said no if I told you Mitchy was coming,” I hate when she put aside my feelings to please others, just for her own pleasure at times... “Yeah, no shit Sarah-” 

“Hey girls, there are some boys looking for you” his deep voice drew my eyes from an irritated Sarah. 

“They aren’t my guest now are they?” “It’s okay, I got it,” she hopped up, rushing past Joel “so I take it you didn’t really want to be here huh?” He scratched the back of his neck nervously. “No, I mean yes I did, I do. I just didn’t think she would invite people who don’t treat us like people to spend the break with,” I scoff, staring at the pool...

“I can tell them to leave if you want,” he said sitting in the empty chair next to me “god no, she would kill us both for doing that,” “I really am glad you came to stay with us even if Sarah just wants to hang out with other people,” he said with a soft smile that warms my body, shaking it off as I quickly stand.

"You okay?” “Yeah, just need another beer,” I groaned, walking through the sliding doors. I want to say that I wish I had stayed at the dorms, but a small part of me knows I can’t stay away from him.

“Hey, long time no see,” his voice interrupted my thoughts. “Hey Mitchel, yeah, it’s been a long time,” “so I just wanted to say-” “Save it, please I just want to relax and enjoy the Sun,” I held the neck of the beer bottle with a death grip. 

“Hey, I was just trying to be nice,” he held his hands up in defence.

“Why are you even here, Mitch?” I scoff, tilting my head. “Sarah invited me, and last time I remembered this is her house, not yours, but Sarah is the one who sent me over here, so if you want to be mad, be mad at her,” he scoffed, turning on his heels.

The thought of Sarah doing this to you again hurt, but not as much as the reminder that you have no place here.

“So you and Mitchel, huh?” His eyes piercing through me as if he knew what set me off. “What?” “I saw you and Wright's boy talkin’ so I thought you know, y’all were a thing,” was it the beer or could you see a small glint of jealousy in his eyes? No, it couldn’t be, he is too good for you.

“No, Sarah might have said that, but we are not a thing,” I plopped myself down on to my now warm tanning chair. “Oh,” is all he said before standing and walking away. 

-

The sun had set hours ago, but the heat hasn’t let up. The water of the pool shining through my window catches my eye, the thought of swimming sounds so perfect right now. I slowly open the door to keep the quiet night at bay, I leave my door ajar as I see a small light from Joel’s tv shining from under his door.

It was easy to sneak past the doors and through the quiet house to the sliding doors that led to the pool that had been calling my name. I quickly discard my small shorts and crop v-neck, slowly stepping into the water, letting out a soft groan at the cooling water around my heated skin.

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

A swift movement caught my attention as I sank deeper into the water, I scanned my window slowly, moving over to the window next to it.

Joel’s window. And boy was that a sight to see, he was jerking off. He was pounding into his hand as his head was thrown back and mouth agape...

Without thinking, my hand snaked down my body to the waistband of my panties. The sight was so beautiful. I wonder what he sounded like, what he tasted like, how he would feel on my tongue...

Fuck, I wonder what he looks like coming undone. As if he could hear my thoughts, he turned more to the window, shooting his load in three long ropes. His head hanging low as he clenched his fist on his beautiful body.

I lowly moan, dragging my finger over my sensitive bud, drawing fast circles. My release begging to crash through my body.

"Fuck..” I gasp, resting my head on the side of the pool “fuck me,” I shudder, eyes rolling to the back of my head as the thought of his strong hands running over my body, owning my body, making me cum in so many ways that I have never even thought of “shit,” I cried out, orgasm taking over.

I ride out my high slowly, opening my eyes, seeing a small shadow where Joel had stood now closer to the window...

Shit. Shit. Shit.

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

Rushing out of the pool, collecting my clothes, and quickly drying myself off. Scurrying up the stairs as quietly as I can to avoid talking to Joel, who I watched jerk off, who I came undone to at the thought of his hands on me...

I close the door just in time, hearing his door across the hall open slightly, mumbling something as he shut it once again... I. Am. Screwed.

⊹・・──────・・୨୧・・──────・・ ⊹

The bright sun shining through the window, beaming onto my face makes me groan, rolling over onto my stomach. “Shit.” The clock on the nightstand reminded me that I have to face the man of my dreams and now nightmares...

I drag myself down the stairs, groaning at the smell of sweetness coming from the kitchen. “Hey, dad left for work already so I thought I would make us some breakfast before meeting up with the guys” “the guy’s?” “Yeah... Zoe, Carter, and Mitchel,” she said so calmly, flipping the pancake. 

“No, I am not going. My plan is to unwind and have some peace and quiet. I will not find that spending my precious time with my ex and the one he cheated on me with!” I slam my fist on the kitchen table. 

“look, I am sorry-” “No you’re not, just go have fun. I’ll be fine by myself,” I huff, taking a beer from the fridge “I always am,” I muttered in search of the bottle opener.

-

Three beers in I decided to let my feeling get in the way... Having felt bad for drinking almost all of Joel’s cold beverages, I have found myself in a quiet bar and it isn’t even 4 PM...

“Look darlin’, you can keep drinking or go home but you can’t stay here,” he said with a thicker southern accent “I thought I was your favorite customer Sean,” “you are, because you know your limit and I think you are trying to get passed that right now but I can’t have you drinking and driving sweetness,” he laughed throwing a towel on his shoulder. “Lucky for you I’m walking,” I give a half-hearted smile.

“Fine drink up, we close in 40 minutes after that I will drop you off at home,” “hmm not home, the Millers,” “the Millers? You’re stayin’ at the Millers?” “Yeah, Sarah wanted me to stay,” “you’re still friends with that kid?” “Just because I am a year older than her doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with her,” “that’s not what I mean-” “I know what you mean and we are not gonna talk about it,” I bark at him “yes ma’am,” he scoffed backing away.

-

“Okay, pack it up we are out of here,” he said handing me a bottle of water “thank you Sean,” “no need to thank me darlin’, I am here for you and you know that,” he said locking the door. “So does your dad know you’re stayin’ there?” “Sean,” I gave a warning glare “hey I’m just askin’,” “no, he doesn’t and he doesn’t know what happened either so just don’t Sean,” “wow, that’s a lot to keep darlin’,” “yeah you get used to it I guess,” “hey I have known you for your whole life, things like this never happened to you and now you are suddenly so calm and collected. Damn collage really does change you, the 18-year-old you would have raised hell, and I would have loved every second of it,” he chuckled, wrapping his arm around me.

The ride is silent, but it feels right. “I hate drinking,” I stare out the window, leaning my head back. “Why?” “It allows my brain to think about things I choose to keep hidden in the back of my mind,” like the fact that I have a hot man across the hall from me and he also caught me watching him come undone. The thought of last night made me cringe.

“Okay, let’s take your mind off of that, how is Dallas? How’s school?” “School is great, umm nothing much there. Dallas I love it, it’s fun and crazy.” 

“Any boyfriend?” “no, no boyfriend,” I scoff, “really?” He made quick glances my way. I searched his face, expecting any sign of mockery, there is none... 

“Yes really, those kids aren’t for me,” “kids? You’re a kid honey,” he laughed “yeah don’t remind me,” “why do you say that?” “I feel much older than I am, like I hang out with all these kids and all they want to do is party and know who is fucking who? And I just-” 

“Want to be alone with some quiet time?” “Yes! And they can even wrap their heads around that,” “look, just don’t worry about it you will have your whole life to be alone with your thoughts,” “no, peace and quiet, my thoughts are not quiet,” I shake my head laughing.

⊹・・──────・・୨୧・・──────・・ ⊹

The car ride is something I needed. To talk to someone who isn’t so self absorbed, so clingy, so Sarah...

“Thank you Sean, I mean it,” “you never have to thank me dear, I enjoyed talkin’ to you,” he said unfastening his seat belt “what are you doing?” “What does it look like I’m doin’? I am goin’ to walk you to the door silly,” he laughed, hopping out the truck.

“Hey, I am here if you ever need me, hell if you ever want to stop by Austin, you know where to find me,” he said before kissing my cheek... Shit, heart don’t do that- and before my brain can process what is going on my body swiftly attaches itself to his.

Catching his lips with mine. “No, we can’t you have been drinkin’,” “I am sober enough Sean,” I gasp feeling his hardening length on my thigh “fuck what are you doin’ to me?” He groaned pushing me through the door. 

“Kissing you,” I say breathlessly, moving to pin his arms above his head, “fuck,” he hissed as I dragged my lips down his neck to his exposed collarbone.

“What the fuck is going on here?” The sound of his heavy boots bounced off the walls, making my heart race. Pushing off of Sean, I fixed my shirt.

“What are you doing here? I didn’t see your truck out there,” “I sent Sarah to go look for you, now again, what is going on here?” He asked with a stern tone, his cocked eyebrow says he wasn’t asking me to tell him.

He was demanding me to tell him why I am in his house with a man I’m pretty sure he has warned me about…

“Hey Joel,” “Sean, I think it’s best if you leave,” “he is my guest Joel, don’t be rude-” 

“Are you drunk?” He spat, taking a step closer.

“That is not the point here and I’m not that drunk, I am fine.” “You knew she was drinking and yet you still came here with her?” 

“Well-” 

“He was giving me a ride home because your daughter took off with her little friends, so I went walking to the bar and he gave me a ride Joel this is all on me not him,” I said making him huff.

“Come on Sean, I’ll walk you out,” I put my hand on his wrist pulling him towards me. Closing the door with a sigh. 

“Sorry about that-” “Look I know we had something going on back then and I would love to act on it but I have known that man for most of my life and judging by the look that he just gave me tells me that I shouldn’t even be speaking to you right now,” he scratched his beard. “I really am sorry.” “Me too, but if you ever need a friend, you know where to find me,” he placed a kiss on my cheek...

Opening the front door with a groan, I kick off my shoes, taking them to the kitchen with me to grab another beer “I don’t think so little miss.” “Oh so are you the beer police now?” “Yeah if it’s my beer you are stealin’,” he chuckled, rolling my eyes at his attempt to make a joke right now. “Hey, I was just playin’,” he softly said, handing me a beer.

“I hate you,” I said with gritted teeth throwing the bottle in the sink, the sound of glass shattering echoing throughout the silent house. “What-” “Fuck you, Joel,” I say as calmly as I can trying to keep my childish outburst at bay. 

“But-” He cut himself off, stepping closer.

“Just stop,” I held up my hand taking a step back “I don’t want to talk to you, or see you, or your ass of a daughter. I just need to be alone,” I rush off to the stairs hoping he won’t follow because I know if he tries to stop me I won’t hesitate to rush into his big strong arms... The words I never thought I would say come flying back to my mind as I slide down my closed door ‘I hate you’...

   Joel

“Shit,” I groaned as I fished for my phone that was ringing in my right pocket. “Hello?” “Hey, Dad are you on your way home?” “Yeah, I just left the site about 15 minutes ago why do you girls need me to pick somethin’ up for y’all?” “That’s the thing Dad, she’s not here...” “Not there what do you mean? You were with her all day, weren’t you?” “No, I have a life you know?” She scoffed.

Of course, she left her, once again turning her back to her best and only good friend to do what? Who the hell knows... 

“Okay well, I will be home in a bit, so just stay there Sarah,” hanging up the phone tossing it into the passenger seat. Where the fuck did she go?

Rushing through the door, I see Sarah just sitting there on her phone, such a great friend. “Any sign of her?” “No, she’s not even answering her phone,” she rolled her eyes “okay her are my keys, take the truck and look at any of the places that you think she would be in,” I ordered not giving her time to protest.

Checking my phone to see if Sarah got a hold of her, I hear the door crash open; I rush in to see if it was her... It was her touching a boy, touching all over him. I am filling with anger? Is it jealousy? Am I Jealous of her searching his body? The way she leaves soft kisses down his jaw and neck- oh how soft her plump lips look- that should be me with her lips all over me. 

“What the fuck is going on here?” “What are you doing here? I didn’t see your truck out there,” “yeah, I sent Sarah to go look for you, now again, what is going on here?” I demanded an answer from this. “Sean, I think it’s best if you leave,” I shifted my gaze to him, cocking a brow. “He is my guest Joel, don’t be rude,” she said with a small slur. “Are you drunk?” I can feel my palm twitch.

“That is not the point here and I’m not that drunk, I am fine,” “you knew she was drinking and yet you still came here with her?” I clenched my jaw rage falling through me. “Well-” “He was giving me a ride home because your daughter took off with her little friends, so I went walking to the bar and he gave me a ride Joel this is all on me not him,” I huffed at her words, yeah right.

She walked him out. I bet he’s touching her right now... I hear her groan as she passed through the living room, “I don’t think so little miss,” I said blocking the fridge. “Oh, so are you the beer police now?” “Yeah if it’s my beer you are stealin’,” she rolled her eyes.

“Hey, I was just playin’,” I softly said handing her a beer. “I hate you,” she said with gritted teeth throwing the bottle in the sink, “what-” “fuck you, Joel,” she said in a calm tone that sent chills down my spine. “But-” I can’t even think of words as I took a step closer. "Just stop,” she held up her hand taking a step away from me “I don’t want to talk to you, or see you, or your ass of a daughter. I just need to be alone,” she said before running off...

‘I hate you’ it rang through my ears as my heart shattered at her words... What just happened? How did I fuck this up? I am supposed to be here for her and yet I am just fucking everything up.

⊹・・──────・・୨୧・・──────・・ ⊹

The front door closed softly, bringing me back from my deep thoughts. “I can’t find her anywhere, did she show up?” “Why doesn’t she want to see you? Why is she mad at you?” “So she is here? What did she tell you now?” She crossed her arms. “Nothing actually, she just said that she didn’t want to talk or see me and you, I know what I did to piss her off, so what did you do?” I matched her crossed arms. 

“Nothing Dad, she is just dramatic that’s all,” she said pushing past me. “Why is there glass in the sink?” “Because she was mad, you know she only gets like that when she is really hurt,” I tilted my head. “No, she gets like that when she is drunk, like I said she’s dramatic,” she huffed. “I don’t see her being dramatic, I see her hurt and her best friend wasn’t even with her today, why is that?” 

“She told me to go, so I went. I wasn’t gonna stay here and baby her.” “Wow Sarah, I didn’t raise you like that, she is your friend and you take care of her no matter what!” “Okay Dad, yeah I am just supposed to babysit her yeah,” she scoffed. 

“She does it for you all the time!” “Oh yeah like when Dad?” “When y’all would come over and she had a date or something with her other friends and family she would cancel so she could be your wingman, designated driver when you were sick!” I yell in a whisper.

“So?” “So? So you be there for her,” “fine I’ll go talk to her-” “no you won’t, she needs space, so give it to her,” “whatever dude,” she huffed turning on her heels “young lady! Dude?” “Sorry jeez, I’m sorry dad,” “I am done talkin’ to you, go to your room,” “planin’ on it,” she gave a fake smile.

Reader

The yelling has stopped. Sun has set. My heart still aching... I wish I had stayed at the dorms. I need a drink... I slip through the hall and down the stairs in a slow pace not paying attention to anything on the way to the kitchen “can’t sleep either?” His low voice startling me “shit, I didn’t see you there,” I gasped walking to the fridge. 

“I am sorry for earlier, and I’m sorry about Sarah,” he sat with his hands clasped around the neck of the bottle, head hanging low. “Yeah, you get used to it,” I say looking for that damn bottle opener.

“Did she tell you anything?” “Nope, just a lot of bullshit. She called me dude, that is not the girl I raised,” he sadly said before downing the rest of his beer. “Well, I guess I will be out of your hair then, I know you didn’t want to see let alone speak to me-” “I am sorry for acting that way, I only get like that when I’m drunk,” the lie rolls off of my tongue so easily it doesn’t even hurt anymore. 

“I have known you since 10th grade and I have seen you like that many times, and this is the first time I have seen you like this drunk... You are calmer drunk.” A small chuckle hummed from his chest. “thanks-” “Please let me in, let me help,” he said in broken words. “You can’t,” I sighed hopping onto the counter.

“I have tried to be strong, and happy. I can talk my way out of so many situations, but there are some things I can’t always get myself out of.” “Like what?” He took my beer opening it for me. “Thank you, Joel can I ask you something?” “Yeah, anything,” “Ugh I hate this,” I groaned hanging my head.

“Why do guys suck?” “I’m sorry?” His shocked expression brought a sad smile to my face “I can’t talk about this with anyone else, but you are here, and you always listen to me. You always make the right decision.” “Okay, continue.” “Why are guys so, stupid?” “Stupid how? Like IQ-wise? Vocabulary wise? In-” “Mitchel cheated on me,” I interrupted Joel as his face dropped from a sad smile to a mixture of disbelief and anger. 

“What?” “He slept with one of our friends, and I ended it. I am strong and I let things go, I pay no mind to things anymore... But I’m not strong, I’m not fine, I am tired. I am tired of everything,” I choke out the last part letting a tear fall.

He stood in front of me catching the tears that I let go. It has been too long since I have allowed myself to show others how fragile I really am... With Joel I never felt like I had to put up a front, he always cared. He’d listen all night if he had to, I would talk his ear off as I kept watch over Sarah after she did a little too much coke when she was 18.

I would return the favor when his dates were shitty, and he just needed someone to talk to late at night... No one would ever know that sometimes we would call each other when I was away at school and it was late at night and we just needed to talk.

“Why did you stop callin’?” He lifted my chin so that I would actually look at him “why didn’t you call and tell me?” “I was scared,” I laughed at the small sniffle I made “of what?” “Of losing my best friend,” “Oh honey Sarah would-” “not her, you, I was scared of losing you Joel,” “and why would you be scared of losing me?” His voice so soft and caring, it makes my heart swell.

“Because you are the only one I can actually be myself with, and I know I haven’t been treating you that way lately but I mean so much shit is going through my mind lately I can’t think with you here” the words spill out of my mouth before I can catch them. I slowly shut my eyes waiting for his disgusted response...

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

“And what am I doing that has your pretty little mind so distracted?” The way he says ‘pretty’ has me pressing my thighs together. Come on, get. A. Grip. “Come on, you can tell me,” his tall frame towering over me, fuck it. It’s either this or tell him everything...

“What has you so worked up?” He said with innocence but his eyes gave him away, pupils were blown wide. “You, and those damn tight shirts,” I scan his body seeing my favorite tight white shirt with his grey sweat pants “I think we should talk about the other night sweetheart,” shit. “Don’t you think?” He tilted his head scanning my face. “What about it?” I say low enough for him to hear.

“You weren’t being very nice, watching me get off” I have to bite my lip to hold back a whimper at the image of him pounding into his fist and head hanging back. “No,” “what was that?” He teased at my low response “I said no, it wasn’t very nice. But when have you ever known me to be a good girl Mr. Miller?” I spread my legs inviting him in.

A low groan escaped his throat “fuck” he hissed as I pulled him in by his waistband. “You have always been a good girl for me, don’t you think so?” He gripped my jaw forcing me to make eye contact, his grip tightening waiting for an answer. “Yes,” I moan out at the feeling of his hard cock pressed against my thigh. 

“Then you won’t have any trouble being a good girl for me tonight will you?” His hand traveled to my throat applying some pressure “fuck, I won’t,” I grind myself on his thick thigh. “Good, now let’s take care of you, pretty girl,” he pulled me closer giving my lips a teasing peck before leaning in for a needy, sloppy kiss that takes my breath away.

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5 Years Ago

"Hey, Dad you home?" I called out as tossing my keys onto the entry table. "Hey honey, we are in the kitchen!" He yelled out. "We?" I asked walking through the living room. "Hey sweetheart, how was school?" "The same old same old," I laughed at the same question he has been asking me for 10 years since we moved to Austin.

"Hey, before you do your homework can you come and taste the food?" "Yeah, just let me set down my bag," I yell from the hallway leading to my room. "Okay honey," he sang from the kitchen.

"Okay Dad, I am here to be your taste tester-" "Ah! Y/n this is Joel. He is my coworker and his daughter is with some friends so I invited him for dinner so the old man won't be alone," he laughed patting his shoulder.

"Hi Joel," I held out my hand as my dad grabbed some beers. "Hi y/n," he shook my hand at a slow pace. He is hot, why do all the hot guys have to be older than me? Wait, he has a daughter? Great, hopefully, I don't have to be forced to like her...

"Okay, now food, taste it please!" He laughed "Hector, your cooking is always good, I love the lunches you bring to work!" "Actually those are y/n's lunches, she always cooks my lunch." "Really?" "Yeah, I mean he raised me I can at least make him food for work," I laughed going to the spice cabinet.

4 Years Ago

"So, he didn't show huh?" "Nope, you know him so well," I scoffed. "Hey I called it, he wasn't any good for you," his tone was so soft, it made my heart swoon. "Yeah, you called it," I sigh curled up on Joel's comfy couch, waiting for my dad to pick me up. "Thank you for -

cooking dinner, and lunch for tomorrow, Sarah is really going to love it," he hummed.

"When am I going to meet this daughter of yours hmm?" "Soon, I think you will really like her." "If you say so Miller," "I told you it's just Joel, I have known you for a while now you can call me Joel," he huffed.

I loved calling him Miller, it always got under his skin because that's what my dad calls him... I love to get under his skin. I love- no not love, like... I like him.

3 Years Ago

"Tell me all about it!" I yelled plopping on his couch. "About what?" "The date, how was she?" "You would hate her!" "Why? Is she better than me?" I joked. "No, not even close to you," he laughed. "Okay so then what gives?" "She was all about her, her, her, and oh yeah, her! She didn't even remember my name till it was time to pay and she wanted to take me home," "ew," "ew is right," he shrugged off his coat.

We were watching a movie when his front door opened. "Dad?" "Sarah, I thought you were staying the night?" "I was going to, but they wanted to watch anything that wasn't scary so that blows," that is his daughter? Damn, I wonder what her mother looked like... No one could ever compete with those looks... "Who is she? I know you like em young but damn dad," "Sarah!" I laughed at his reaction.

"Hi, I'm y/n," "Sarah, so you and my dad huh?" "No, just friends," I laughed. "She is even prettier than you said Dad," she stated sitting in the empty single chair. "You said I'm pretty? Not too bad yourself, Joel," I said tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"You called me Joel," he gasped in fake awe. "Would you prefer me to call you Miller again? Because I will if you want me to," "Joel is just fine," "Get a room you two," "I should go, my dad is waiting for me at home." "Okay let me walk you out," he said following me to the door.

2 Years Ago

"Congratulations!" Joel yelled pulling me into a tight hug. "Thank you," I give a genuinely happy smile to him and his beautiful big brown eyes. "Don't forget to come and visit on the weekends, I mean for you to get away from all of that," "I will don't worry, plus I'm pretty sure Sarah is going to drag me along with her," I smiled toward Sarah who is talking to some of our friends by our Uhaul... I am going to miss Austin but thankfully Dallas isn't far from here.

"Remember, you can call me whenever! I am available at any time of the day," he held on tightly to me. "So you just going to steal my daughter?" My dad asked Joel. "No Hector," he grumbled "he just doesn't have any friends his own age, so he hangs around your daughter who acts like she is 90 with a bad back," Sarah laughed at her own joke and frankly she isn't wrong...

I have been hanging out with Joel since the day I met him. Whether it was because my dad was out of town, or because he wanted a home-cooked meal because Sarah wasn't going to be home, or just simply because we enjoyed each other's company. If he needed someone to talk to about girls, I was the one and it went the same way for me... But it hurt seeing him always so down because all the 'girls' he thought he would like just wanted to use him for sex.

1 Year Ago

"Hey, my dad called to see if you were okay," "he did?" "Why is Mr. Miller calling for you?" Mitchel asked cocking his brow. "Because she didn't answer him or her dad," she shook her head with a mocking expression. "They will be fine without me bothering their lives, just tell him I am fine," I huffed hopping off of my bed.

I haven't been in contact with Joel or my dad since we got back from Austin, 2 months ago... That is very much not like me, but with school, Sarah, and Mitchel... I can never be alone. I miss talking to him, hearing how his day went, who annoyed him... I miss our late-night calls when we would talk all night about nothing, we would call just to talk, to hear each other's voice...

Present Time

I have known this man since I was 16; we told each other almost everything as our friendship grew closer. So I have no idea how I even ended up in this situation...

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Joel, kneeling between my legs kissing his way up my calves. Fuck I never thought having such a powerful man on his knees would be so tempting. "Joel," I whisper running my fingers through his beautiful curls making him look up at me, and damn those eyes. "Yes?" "Please," I don't even know what I am begging for, it just feels right giving up everything to him. He slowly stands to place a kiss on my lips "Let's undress you first hm?" I could only nod at his words.

"Let's start here, on this little shirt that you just love to tease me with," "I- I don't mean to," yes you do. You love to tease this man, he likes to act like he doesn't notice her but you notice when he suddenly leaves the room coming back 20 minutes later in a fresh pair of clothes.

He dropped it with a hiss staring at your bare chest, breast on full display. His gaze is heating your body, maybe a little too much, moving your arm to cover your now-hardening nipples he stops your movements. "Don't cover up, I am just admiring your beautiful body," I have no idea what made me so confident... "You're drooling Joel, and you haven't even seen my pussy," a groan forced itself out from deep in Joel's chest.

"Baby, I don't have to see that pretty cunt of yours to make me drool for you," he rasped cupping my breasts "fuck," I grinned playfully as he attached my breast, sucking and nibbling down my chest. "Fuck, please do that again," I whined arching my back. "What don't your little boys pay enough attention to your beautiful breasts," he kissed the underside of my breast. "Not like that, I knew they wouldn't satisfy me so I always just rushed it with them," I groaned hanging my head back.

"Now that is sad, how could they not appreciate these?" He hissed, cupping my breasts in his large hands, "just like all the other boys, they couldn't give me what I wanted," I sighed. "Ah yes, 'the boys' they could never satisfy a woman like yourself," he hummed stroking my sides. 

"Mm never, it takes a real man to handle all of me and my needs." "Well, I could give you what you need," his voice hoarse as his hand snaked up to my neck. "Oh, you think so Mr. Miller?" "Oh, I know so pretty girl," he whispered into my ear.

"You are so beautiful," he groaned as he slowly trailed down my stomach, hooking his fingers around the waistband of my pajama shorts. "Is this okay, sweetheart?" "More than okay, Joel," I said as he pulled down my shorts and panties in a swift movement.

He backed away, just staring at my nakedness. His gaze makes me self-conscious, so I cover myself. "Don't do that please, I am trying to look at what I missed out on, your body is just breathtaking I could look at you like this every day," he lowered himself to my cunt. He licked a long strip through my folds, sending a shiver up my spine "fuck," I let out a low moan, arching my back.

"Joel, don't stop please," I grind my cunt on his tongue "I wouldn't dream of it my pretty girl," he rasped adding two fingers into me. "Oh my god," I shutter almost cumming on his fingers as he wrapped his beautiful lips around my clit. "You taste so sweet baby," he mumbled bringing his soaked fingers to my lips. I lap my tongue around his hard fingers, sucking them clean "fuck that's it, pretty girl, just like that," his lust-filled voice brings me closer.

"Fuck Joel," I held his wrist as he fastened his pace, his free hand traveling to my throat applying pressure. "Please make me cum Joel," I beg, shutting my eyes. "Oh, baby you don't have to beg me, but I can't say no to those pretty moans," he cooed.

"Come on, I can feel you clenchin' me so tightly," he groaned "cum for me, I want to taste you beautiful," I open my eyes to see his brown eye staring into my soul. "Fuck," I came with a small scream, covering my mouth with my hand. "Yes, just like that. So pretty cummin' on my fingers," he hummed leaving a trail of kisses on my thighs.

"There you go," he said in awe as I slowly rode out my high. "Now where are your manners sugar?" He asked gripping my jaw. "Thank you, Mr. Miller," I said with innocent eyes. "You are going to be the death of me," he hissed grinding his clothed cock into my thigh.

"I can see you thinking, tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours," "I want to taste you, Joel," I bite my lip at the thought of having him all to myself. "Baby you don't have to do that,-" "I want to, I have been wanting to have your cock in my mouth ever since I walked in on you and that blonde bitch," I huffed as I raked my fingers through his hair "oh my baby that was 2 years ago," he said with a fake pout stroking my cheek with his thumb. "Please, Mr. Miller?" "Anything for you beautiful," he let out a breath as he helped me hop off of the counter.

"You are so handsome Joel," I groan playing with the hem of his shirt. "It's always these damn tight shirts, I can never look away," I whisper in his ear "I can tell," he laughed leaning in for a kiss. "Take this off, please."

"Well, since you asked nicely," my thighs pressed together as he shed the layer of clothing. Eyes raking over his upper torso "fuck, I love your body," I bite back a moan as I drag my nails along his burning skin.

I sank between his big thighs looking into his eyes, kissing a trail down his stomach "fuck you are stunning like that," he hissed. "Like what? Naked or between your thighs," I played with his waistband "god both," he huffed out a sigh. "Yes, I am god, the one and only," I smirked looking for approval. He gave me a small nod allowing me to pull down his sweats.

His big cock sprung out hitting his stomach, I smirked at the fact that he wasn't wearing any boxers. I practically drooled at the size of him, "fuck Joel," I gasped, wide-eyed. I mean I saw him from afar so I knew he was big, but damn.

"Look how pretty you are just waiting to have my cock, that pretty mouth just watering at the thought of you choking on me, so deep in your throat," he purred as I wrapped my fist around his thick shaft "mm fuck me," he groaned low and sexy his eyes full of hunger.

"I love the way you moan for me," my tongue lapping at his slit collecting his salty pre cum, watching his eyes roll to the back of his head taking his thick cock into my mouth with slow bobs.

His fingers laced into my hair tugging it, taking control of my movements "fuck just like that baby girl," his words made me still as he bucked his hip deep down my throat. He fucked my mouth hitting the back of my throat with every thrust making my eyes water.

Pulling me off of his cock with a small 'pop' "fuck if you could just see how beautiful you look with my cock in your mouth," he pulled me to him. "Call me that again," I grasped his jaw looking deep into his eyes. "What?" "Baby girl," I said lowly for only us to be heard. "Why? Does my baby girl like that?" I cut him off attaching my mouth to his hungrily. 

"Please fuck me," "we will get there, just give me a minute," he said capturing my lips with his, walking us to the kitchen table. "Please Joel, I'm on the pill." "Darlin'-" "Please I want to feel all of you," I stroked his cock. "Anything for you, sugar," he let out a breath as he sank into me.

"Holy shit," I gripped his shoulder "fuck, I stretched you out, and yet you are still so tight," he exhaled. "Just for you Joel," I laced my fingers in his short locks. "Please Move, Joel," "god I love the way you moan my name," he grunted sliding out of me only to slam back into me.

"Mmm mine," "he growled inching deeper. "Yours," I purred feeling his cock twitch. "Say it again" he moaned wrapping his hand around my throat "I'm yours," I cried out. "Joel, if you don't slow down I will cum too fast," I let out a whine as he didn't slow his pace. His fingers toyed with my clit till I came with a high-pitched moan, covering my mouth with his hand.

"Shh baby girl, we have to be quiet," he whispered in my ear making my eyes roll back. Coming down from my high he wrapped his hand around my throat. "Now what do we say after making you feel good?" "Thank you, Mr. Miller," "fuck," he groaned. "Thank you, sir," I whimper without thinking.

His movements came to a halt. "Say it again." "Thank you for making me cum sir, thank you, Mr. Miller," I cry out bitting onto his shoulder, reaching my third orgasm for the night. "Just like that honey, let me take care of you," he moaned as his thrust got sloppier.

"Cum in me please Joel, I want you to fill me up," my cheeks heat at my choice of words "Such a slut for me, wanting my cum so deep in you huh?" "Yes, I'm your slut," the words felt to right falling from my tongue... His slut. He came with a loud grunt, riding out his high. He sank to his knees, watching his cum drip out of me. He didn't hesitate to clean our mixed juices from my cunt.

"Wait right here," he said before walking out of the kitchen. He came back with some towels and clothes "I brought you one of my shirts because I think it would be better to sleep in," he said kneeling in front of me with a damp towel. He collected our clothes before caring me up the stairs to his room.

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We just lay in his bed for a while, in comfortable silence. "Why did you say you hate me earlier?" There it is, I sigh. "Because you were you," "I was me?" "Yes, I actually like Sean, and we had something after Josh left, and um I don't know seeing him again felt like it could have been something. So I said I hated you because you kicked out a guy that I could have been with. He was actually there for me, unlike every guy I have been with."

"And I wasn't any good?" "You were never available." "How was I never available? You were with me almost every day," he poked at my side. "You have Sarah," I giggle at his childishness. "So? I knew you first, I have known you for so many years before her so you can shove that excuse," he gave a hearty laugh.

It should feel weird talking like this with him... But it's him, it's Joel. We could talk about anything and it would never be weird. "So do you see a future with him?" "Sean? No." "Why not?" "He's great and all but I don't think it would have worked out either way, "why do you say that?" "I think I am a little too insecure for him," I tsk. "How are you 'too insecure for him?" He laughed "I don't know, I just am." "But not for me?" "For you, I am an open book," that is a lie, but he doesn't have to know that...

We have been talking for hours and he is finally in my arms ready to fall into a deep sleep and so am I... I have missed- needed this and I like- love him... Shit; I love Joel Miller.

Joel

I slowly open my eyes to my bright room, the sun shining through. The way she felt with me, it just felt so right to hold her in my arms last night. I see my watch on the nightstand, shit it's 9 in the morning... I turn over to see her and- she's gone. My heart breaks as my hand touches the now cold and empty spot she had laid the night before...

Sulking down the stairs I see Sarah sitting on the couch. "Hey, where is y/n?" "Wow, you never call her by her name, what did she do?" "Nothing have you seen her?" "Nope, she left early this morning," she huffed. She left? Saying nothing? She left me?

Reader

The moonlight danced around in his room. My heart swelled at the scene that had taken place, his large arms trapping me between them. I saw his watch on his nightstand, 5:30 in the morning... I need a shower, and I could make him some breakfast, I smile to myself.

I walk to my room with a towel wrapped around my body when I hear a door open. "What did you tell him?" She barked. "What?" "What did you tell my dad? He is pissed with me because you told him something," "I didn't tell him anything, so you're fine just go back to your room," I spat turning towards my door. "I don't believe you!" "You are so full of yourself!" "Oh, am I now?" "Sarah, what do you want? I need to get dressed," I said opening my door.

"Why so you can go meet with your alcoholic boyfriend?" "No, so I can go make some breakfast-" "For who?" "Me, your dad, maybe even you if you stop with this childishness!" "Why are you making my dad breakfast?" "Because I always do, you know he can't cook," "he can, and we have been here for 3 weeks and I haven't seen you cook for him once," she crossed her arms.

"Because I just wanted some space, okay? And now I just want to make it up to him with food, so I can say 'I'm sorry.' Is that what you wanted to hear?" I scoffed "I knew I should have never invited you, but he wanted you here, not me! So you can go die in a ditch somewhere because when we get back I am switching dorms!" She yelled down the hall...

My heart broke, not because she once again proved that she doesn't see me as a friend but because I want to be here, but I can't... I don't know why I keep telling myself that I have someplace here just because I spent almost every day here since I met him. I will never have a place here... Not with him, not in this house that kind of raised me...

-

A small bag is packed, the morning sun just rising... "Hey, thank you for picking me up," "is everything okay?" "Yeah, I just needed some space from that house," I sigh turning my head in his direction. "Her or him?" "Both." "You know you can talk to me, I am all ears," "I know Sean, but just kinda wanna go to sleep." "Okay, well I will drop you off at the house and you can get some rest," "that sounds nice," I say more to myself than him...

"Hey, we are here," he said lightly shaking me awake "I'm up," I moved my hand to his. "You say that but your eyes are still closed," he laughed. "I will be back in just a few hours to check up on you, um I have some records if you want to play some music while you sleep." "Ah, you remembered?" "How can I forget? You would constantly steal all of my CDs, so I have some of your favorites in there, you know where your spare key is, do what you have to do," he said softly.

"Thank you, really-" "Stop with the sad 'thank you’s, I have always told you, I would be here for you so I am gonna keep that word... I am not going to let some silly guy get in the way of that," he laughed "yeah okay," I gave a small laugh. "Go and get some sleep dear," he said unbuckling my seatbelt. "Okay, I will see you in a bit," "Yes you will, and I will stop by your favorite Chinese place on the way back." "That would be nice," I said hopping out of his truck, grabbing my small bag.

It's almost sad to say that I missed this place too, if I wasn't at Joel's house I was here... Tossing my key onto the small coffee table I scan the small living room, just as I remembered it. I kick off my shoes making my way to his bedroom, the bedroom I have spent many nights in... I am utterly fucked up.

-

I haven't moved from the small ball I have curled myself into. Slowly opening my eyes, I see the clock on his desk in front of the bed it's 3:19PM. I snuggle my head into my arm before hearing the door unlock from the hall.

"You awake?" He called out slowly pushing open the door to his room. "Yeah, I just woke up," I said finally stretching my body, "you still sleep the same when you're upset," "I do?" "Yes, that silly little ball you make yourself so you feel protected till someone comes and cuddles with you," he laughed removing his shoes and denim jacket. "You know me so well," "I do, and that's why I brought myself and Chinese," he held a brown bag.

We ate in bed and just lay there, talking and listening to music... "So you gonna tell me what happened?" He asked playing with my hair "Sarah said that I can go die in a ditch because basically, she doesn't believe the fact that I cook for Joel," "Okay, I some context for that please," "I slept with Joel, and I wanted to make him some breakfast as an apology for yelling at him and throwing some shit," "oh you still do that too?" He joked.

"Anyway, I wanted to make him some food, but I wanted to shower first so I did, then she stopped me in the hall yelling at me because she thinks I told Joel about what happened," I scoffed. "Just tell him, you have to stop covering for her," "I can't," "and why is that?" "Because I will lose him if I do."

"Why do you say that?" "He will choose her over me, and I don't want to make him, so I just suffer in silence." "That is bullshit! You need to tell him," "I won't." "This is why your thoughts are killing you, you need to get this shit off of your chest," he said slowly pulling me in close. "Everyone will hate me," I said into his chest.

"Are you the one who-" "Sean, stop," I gave a warning glare. "Look I love you and you know that, do you love him?" "I- I don't know," I hesitated. "Do you love him?" "Yes, I do." "Does he love you?" "No, I don't think so, I mean I don't know." "You don't think so?" "What?" "I'm just sayin', who can't love you?" "A lot of people, I am annoying," "No you're not, he was a dick. He made you stop talking to everyone in town, you stopped calling your dad, Joel, me... People needed you and you just stopped talking to them."

"No one needed me," I laughed. "I did," he said looking into my eyes. "I missed my friend," "god why do I do that?" "What?" "I always make friends with older people when all I can do is act like a kid," I cover my face with my hand at the stupid question. "You have a right to feel like that when I get hurt like you did I act out I mean you have seen me at my worst."

"Yes, and it was a pain," "I remember puking everywhere," "and I had to chase you with a bucket because you refused to puke in the toilet," I let out a sad laugh. "Yeah, I was a complicated drunk," he laughed "I love your laugh, I missed it," I said giving him a soft and sad hug. "I miss yours too, I miss the little look you would give me when you were up to somethin', tryin' to hide it from me," "me too..."

"He really fucked you up huh?" "Yeah, it took me a while to find this part of myself, that's when I stopped calling... I didn't see the world or anything the same way anymore," "I get it," "I mean I just wanted to stop the whole world, to stop my thoughts but with the two of them I couldn't think because they were always there. I couldn't call you or Joel because they were right there, and I needed someone," I let out a sob.

"Hey, well you're here now. I've got you now," he pulled me onto him. "You know he is going to kill me if he finds out that you are here right?" He asked looking down to see my tear-stained face "he will be fine." "No, he won't and you know that," "I wish I had stayed at the dorms."

"Oh, you don't mean that." "Actually, I think I do, I mean if I had stayed I wouldn't have any time to ruin anything..." "You haven't ruined anything, the truth is just slowly coming out, you are not doing anything wrong," he placed a soft kiss on my head.

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There was a soft knock on the door... "Hey it's probably my neighbor telling me she's leaving for the night, can you get it and get the key from her? I am only gonna be a few more minutes," he called out from the shower. "Okay," I said dragging myself off of the bed.

A knock came again as I reached for the doorknob. Opening it with a smile "Hey Sean I know I was rude the other-" "J- Joel? What are you doing here?" My smile dropped... "What are you doing here?" Anger falling on his face mixed with sadness... "Why are you at Sean's place?" "I needed somewhere to stay, I needed space," I said moving closer to the door.

"Hey honey, what's goin' on out there? Did she leave you the key- shit," he whispered fixing the towel around his waist. "Why is she here with you?" "She needed a place to stay till she gets a plane back to Dallas," he pulled me back to him a bit seeing Joel come closer.

"You're leaving? And you didn't care to tell me?" "Tell him, dear." "No, just go back to the room Sean, I will be there in a minute," I said pushing him back. "Okay, just let me know if you need anything," "I will, now please go," I plea before he gave Joel a quick glance walking backward...

"You needed space? So you came to him?" "I had no one else to call." "You could have talked to me," "I can't talk to you about this!" "About what? Is it the Sarah thing?" "No, it's not." "Then what is it?" "Joel, just go home... I will be by to pick up the rest of my things in a few days," I hold back tears...

"Why are you doing this?" "I don't want to be a bother here." "And who said you were a bother?" "No one, I just- I don't want to talk about this anymore..." "So that's it? You don't want to talk so you just leave?" "I want to talk, but I can't," I let out a small cry.

"Why? Talk to me, right now, I can handle whatever it is!" "Go home, Joel! I don't want to see you anymore!" I choke out. "Is everything okay out here?" Sean asked coming closer to the door. "Why didn't you tell me she was here? I asked you at the bar if you had seen her, I came here to apologize and then I see this? You with her?"

"We are not sleeping together, I am her friend so I was here for her." "She has other friends." "No, she doesn't-" "Sean! Stop, both of you just stop... Go home, Joel, I will be by soon to get my things and to leave my keys, so you don't have to wait on me," I said walking away from the door.

"Go home Joel, she needs space, and I think this is something she needs to work out by herself," I heard Sean say before the door closed...

"Okay, I don't care what you want, we are going to talk about this because you bottling up your feelings? It's a no for me." He said walking into his room. "Sean, I love you but we are not talking. I need to book a plane, go get my things, and try to avoid everything in my life," I curled myself into a small ball. "Hey, none of that, come here," he gestured towards him.

"Let me drive you, it's only a few hours with traffic," his soft tone pulls me into him. "I am not letting you drive me to school." "Okay then let your dad-" "No, he won't drive me, you won't drive me, I don't want anyone driving me! I will take a short plane ride," I spat. "Hey, I was just suggesting," "I know, I'm sorry," I said sitting up from his embrace.

"School doesn't start for a few more weeks, why don't you stay here for a couple of days?" "Thank you, Sean, but-" "If you tell me you don't want to be a bother I will spank you," he said with a smirk, holding my hand. "Ooh, kinky," I laughed hopping off of the bed. "Sometimes I wish we could go back," he said with a sad smile...

"Why? Why do you want that?" "Because you weren't taken, you were happier than ever! And I had you to myself and I could touch you whenever I wanted to," he said walking towards me. "And who said I was taken?" I give him a small smirk. "Don't do that to him." "Don't do what to him?" "Don't betray him like that, he is a good man," "I am not betraying him," I scoff turning from him.

"We had sex, good sex... That doesn't mean I was asking for a relationship," "I wasn't saying that-" "Well it sure sounded like it-" "Hey, don't twist my words, I am trying to look out for you," he followed me down the hall, "you're trying to look out for me? Sean I don't need anyone to look out for me," I stopped in my tracks turning to him.

"Yeah because it has been going so well for you lately," "Wow, thanks... Um yeah okay, I am just gonna go for a bit," I said pushing past him. "What are you doing?" "Getting my shoes, I am going out so don't wait up for me-"

"Sweetheart, I didn't mean it like that come on," "Sean I don't care how you meant it, I just need to go out, you're fine." "We were together for quite some time so I know when you say 'you're fine,' it means you secretly want me dead," "Sean, look I just need time to myself."

"Fine, then I'll leave, I know you need a drink. I have beer, whisky, and whatever you want... I just don't want you drinking out there today," he stopped me again. "You know what? How about we just put on some music and go to sleep?" I sigh in defeat, not that I even put up a strong fight...

"I am fine with that, I'll take the couch-" "Sean you make it seem like we can't sleep in the same bed." "It's just that-" "I have slept with you as a friend, a girlfriend, and an ex... I think we can do this," I huff dragging him to his room... Let's get this night over with.

Joel

He just closed the door in my face... I came here to see him, to apologize to him. This is the thanks I get? Her with him? The rage fills me as I storm to my truck. Speeding home was easy. I slam open the front door.

"Dad, what is wrong with you?" "What is he doing here?" "Who? Mitchy?" "Yes, that boy," "I was here to see my girlfriend, sir." "Don't 'sir' me, I know you two broke up!" "Well I don't know if she told you but we are getting back together," he said with a stupid smirk that I just want to slap right off of his face.

"No, you won't! You won't go anywhere near her! Now get the fuck out of my house!" I yell, seeing red... "What the hell is wrong with you?" Sarah yelled as that boy stormed out the front door. "Why is he here?" "Because I invited him, he is a friend of mine whether you like it or not!" "You need to tell me what happened between you and y/n! Right now!"

"What about her?" "Why is she pissed at you?" "What?" "Why. Is. She. Pissed. At. You!" I yell with gritted teeth "I don't know! You know her, she's crazy like that!" "I have known her since she was 16, I know her all right! This isn't her!" "Well, she has been like this for the past year or so, I guess you don't know her as well as I do!" "You don't know shit about her!"

"Dad, don't you think It's weird that you were her friend when she was a kid?" "No, because you were the same way, now I demand an answer from you right now! What is it that you both aren't telling me!" "She is fucking crazy dad, don't listen to anything she says!" She yelled, walking to the staircase.

"Sarah! Don't you dare walk away from me," I lowered my voice to calm myself... "No, fuck her dad! She is the bad friend here! Not me!" She yelled, storming up the stairs. "Fucking shit!" I yelled, throwing a bottle that was sitting on the counter. "fuck," I said to myself, sliding down the wall. What the hell am I going to do? What the fuck is going on here?

Reader

There was a knock on the door... I slowly open my eyes seeing the moonlight dance around Sean's room. The clock on his dresser said it was 3 in the morning. Who is knocking at 3 in the morning? "You okay?" He asked holding me close still half asleep not aware of the faint knocking coming from the living room. "Yeah, I am just going to get some water, I'll be right back," I said crawling out from under the covers. "Okay," is all he said before turning over.

The knocking continues as I reach the door "shit, fucking answer," he said before knocking again. I know that voice... "What are you doing here?" I yell in a whisper as I swung open the door. "What are you doing here? I had to hear from so many others that you were back in town." "Yeah well, I didn't think I had to tell you," "I am your father, I have a right to know!" He raised his voice.

"Keep it down, people are sleeping right now, I was sleeping. Why are you here at 3 in the morning?" "Because I needed to know why you didn't come and see me when you got in town," "because you don't need to know everything in my life," "I have the right to know!" "Don't you think I had the right to know! You just kept it to yourself all this time, and when I find out you tell me 'it's fine' and to 'get over it.' I am done with you, I have told you that many times... You are no longer my father."

"How dare you talk to me like that!" "Shut up!" Is all I get out before his hand connected with my cheek. "Fucking leave! You are not welcomed here, you never were!" I yell, holding my face, letting tears of anger fall.

"What is all the yelling about?" Sean rushed to the door. "Hector? What are you doing here?" "I am here to talk to my daughter so you can just go-" "Well, this is my place, so no I won't 'just go' but thanks for the suggestion," he pulled me closer to him. "What happened?" He held me searching my tear-stained face. "He slapped me," I said through gritted teeth.

"You did what? Hector? Why would you do that?" "Because she is being disrespectful!" "Keep it down, I have neighbors. Come in and we can talk about it-" "No, he won't be coming in!" "What's wrong Dear?" "I don't want to talk about it," "Y/n, you have to tell me," "he is the one that allowed it, everything... He knew, and he decided that I wouldn't care so he kept it from me for months!" "What?" "That's why I didn't want him to know I was in town, that's why- I- Just get rid of him please," I said walking back into the house.

He gripped my arm. "Let go of me!" "No, you will listen to me, Joel said that you were here-" "Joel? Joel told you that I was here?" "Yes, since he is a better friend than you Sean," "I am a damn good friend, you Hector, on the other hand... I can't say the same for you," he said snatching my arm from his tight grip.

"Hector, you need to leave," "Sean, come on, that is my daughter-" "She is an adult, and she can make her own decisions... She doesn't want to be with you, now leave before I call the cops," he said pulling us further into the house. "You can't do this!" "I can actually, and I will. Just go home, and forget I ever existed... Like you always did," "I never did that!" He huffed clenching his fists.

"Yes, you did! I practically grew up by myself alongside Joel because you were never home! And you can't say you ever sent money unless it was for your benefit. The money you gave Joel for watching me and the house he gave to me because you never sent me money for school, clothes, food, or the bills!" "I paid for all of that while I was away!"

"No, you didn't Joel helped me get a job because I had to pay most of the bills," I threw my arms up in frustration. "How dare you say that! I was there for every important moment of your life!" "No, you weren't! You were never there for me! I grew up without you!" I spat walking away from this conversation...

Sean came walking into the room with his head hung low making me sit up "he's gone, you can lay back down," he sighed sitting on the edge of the bed. "Thank you, I didn't mean for it to turn into a yelling match." "Well, I mean it's Hector and you are well, you. So I mean it was bound to happen," he gave a laugh. "Thanks," I threw a pillow at him. "Come on, let's get you a bath," he held his hand out. "Okay," I said letting him lead the way.

I undress as he adjusts the water for me. "Thank you again," I said getting into the tub. "Yeah, I mean you deserve some 'me time' so I thought it would be nice to have a nice soak," he cleared his throat. "I'm going to get you some clothes and a towel." "Okay," is all I said before relaxing in the warm water.

Sean is seated on the floor next to the tub. "So, he knew everything huh?" "Yeah..." "So you lied to me?" "Yup," I said sinking into the bubbles. "Hey, stop with the self-pity, I get it, I do. But you gotta do something about it." "Why? I can just go back to school and forget that anything ever happened," I said with a sad laugh. "No, you are going to overthink everything you 'did' and have a mental breakdown." "That is very true." "So how do you feel about Joel telling him?"

"Well, he didn't know we weren't on speaking terms." "Yeah, but he does know you were never close to your dad, so kind of a dick move," "I mean, kinda yeah." "Please let me drive you," "to campus?" "Yeah, I don't want you to be alone going back," he said with his pretty puppy eyes.

"Okay, but today we are going to spend the day in bed, then tomorrow I'm gonna go get my things while Joel's at work," I leaned my head on the side of the tub enjoying the water. "Cold, I like it," he laughed. "Oh, shut up before I splash you!" I blow suds at him. "Okay, you get dried off. I am going to make us some food and we can watch some tv," he said, handing me a towel.

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We spent all of yesterday laying on the couch watching movies, talking, and sleeping... And I am a man of my word... I have to go get my things from Joel's house. It is 9 in the morning... "Sean?" I call out from the kitchen, "Yeah?" "Hey, I'm about to head out." "Okay, I'll drop you off-" "You really don't have to," "but I want to, plus it's on the way to the bar," he said, buttoning his shirt as he rushed into the kitchen.

"The bar?" "Yeah, Kyle was supposed to open for me but he called and bailed so I have to do it," he huffed, pouring his coffee. "That sucks." "You bet your ass it does," he groaned. "Okay, well, let's head out so you can get there in time." "Alright, let's go," he grumbled, grabbing his denim jacket.

The car ride is quiet, I don't really expect him to say anything... And I appreciate his silent concern. "Just call me when you're done so I can pick you up," "I will, thank you," I hopped out of his truck. "Well, I should get to the bar, be safe," "I am just getting my things Sean, I'm not leaving just yet," I laughed.

⊹・・──────・・୨୧・・──────・・ ⊹

The house is quiet; it feels colder than I remember. Leaving my main key and spear key on the kitchen table, I see a note on the fridge 'Hey Dad, since you can't stop acting like a child I will stay at Mitchel's for the weekend.' The date on the corner of the pad shows she had written it the day after Joel showed up... What the hell is going on over here?

Walking up the stairs, I hear shuffling from the living room. "I thought I locked you?" His voice bounced off the walls. Shit... I pick up my pace, trying to climb the stairs quickly but not trying to bring attention to my presence...

Trying my best to open the door as quietly as I possibly can was a success. Now closing it is the challenge... Once I closed the door, I began packing my suitcase. Shoving clothes from the drawers into my suitcase. Collecting some of my other belongings, sorting through the things I want to take with me... Joel's shirt... I came across his shirt as I rummaged through my stuff. I should take it to his room once I no longer hear his footsteps I can sneak it into his room. Not the best idea, but hey what do I have to lose?

After 5 minutes of waiting, the house was quiet again. I open the door to peek out; the coast is clear. I turn to get my suitcases, and as I turn back there he was... Out of thin air...

"What are you doing here?" He asked, wide-eyed. "What are you doing here? You are supposed to be at work," "I needed some stuff from my garage, then I needed something from my room, now what are you doing here?" "I told you I was coming to get my things, I was going to wait till you left but I was going to take your shirt to your room..." I trailed off, seeing his brows furrow.

"So you are leaving then huh?" "Yeah, I saw that Sarah hasn't been here, what happened there?" "Whatever happened between you is your business. But she blames it all on you, and I was asking why she does and she just ignored me..." "I'm sorry, but um, for what it's worth... I'm probably at fault. I mean, I let it happen, I was just so forgiving," I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my tears at bay...

"Hey, no, don't do that to yourself," he said, moving closer. "Joel, please, don't. I um, I am only here to get my things and leave-" "Why not stay? I get something happened, but why does that have to change everything with us?" "Us? There is no us Joel-" "Wow, so all that meant nothing to you?"

"Joel, I loved it. I like being with you. I feel safe with you, you know that. You have always told me that I belong here and that it didn't matter what others think... But, I don't belong here, not with you, not in this house..." I let a tear fall. "Sweetheart, no one has ever said that, have they?" He asked, closing the space between us. "No-" "Who?"

"No one, Joel. It's fine, I um... I have to go-" "You are not going anywhere till you tell me who said those things to you," he said through gritted teeth, pinning my arms above my head, and pushing me to the wall. "Joel, you'll miss work," I said with a gasp. "They will be fine without me, you need me more." "No, I don't-" "Well, your tears tell me otherwise." "Joel," I whine, letting another tear fall. "Come on pretty girl, use your words for me,"

"Fuck, you look so pretty cryin'. Who hurt you?" He caressed my tear-stained cheek. "You, me, everyone," I cry out. "I hurt you?" His tone was sad, letting my arms fall. "What did I do?" "No- I mean, I need to think straight and I can't do that around you," I push him from me.

"Baby, talk to me... Just like we used to," "I can't," "why not?" "Because so many things have changed, I can't just open up to you." "Yes you can, what is wrong?" "Nothing, Joel-" "Lies, baby girl, tell me what is wrong," he said, taking my hand in his. "Joel, nothing else needs to be said, what she told you is everything you need to know. No one would believe me if I said otherwise…"

"I would, I will always take your side. There's not a day that I won't," "Joel, you have to say that-" "Why do I have to?" "Because you are you, you can't help the need to make people feel better." "Is that what people are putting in your head? That I'm taking pity on you?" "Joel it's-" "It's what? It's not my problem? It's not a big deal?"

"Yes, it's not that big of a deal," "why? I mean, if this happened to you years ago you would have killed him, but you got with someone who is just like his father and he fucked with your head... Now here you are tellin' lie to my face!" He inched closer.

"Joel-" "Tell me, why do you believe everybody but yourself?" "Because maybe they are right..." "About what?" "Me, not belonging." "Me taking pity on you?" "maybe-" "No, there is no 'maybe' it's a yes or no," he sneered.

"Yes, Joel. Sometimes I think you are taking pity on me," I whispered, feeling his breath on my lips. "Well, why don't we change that? Huh?" He placed a soft kiss on my cheek. "I want to show you that you are more than anything than what people say about you," he said, dragging me to his room.

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"Joel, you don't have to do this-" "Baby, all I want is you," he knelt in front of me. The sight of him on his knees for me will always amaze me. "Look at those pretty eyes, do you want me to stop?" His gaze never left my face as he left soft strokes on my calves. Yes, say yes... "No please," I say low enough for us. "Such good manners, let's get this off of you, pretty girl. I want to see all of you," he played with the hem of my shirt.

"Joel, can you do it?" "Do what, baby?" He smirked, his taunting gaze making me squirm. "Undress me please?" "How can I say no when you ask so nicely? Let's see," he cooed, standing before peeling the thin fabric from my burning skin. He smiled, placing kisses all over my face, making me giggle.

"There we go, so pretty for me," he groaned, seeing my laced bralette "Joel, please... I need you," I gasp at his feather-light touches. "Not just yet baby, I'm takin' my time with you," he said lifting my bralette. "So beautiful, and all mine," he groaned to himself before wrapping his lips around my sensitive nipple.

"Fuck Joel, just like that please," I moan, lacing my fingers in his brown locks, tugging at his hair. Moaning at my actions, he pulls his beautiful mouth from my chest. "Take off your pants for me beautiful," I have never felt so submissive to anyone before Joel, his gaze alone could bring me to my knees without him asking me to...

Pulling down my pants, leaving me in only a matching pair of panties. "So precious," he cooed, playing with the waistband of the dark red lace. "I want you to sit on my bed and play with your pretty little pussy for me, just like you did the other night in my pool. I want you to show me how you get yourself off without me here to make you feel better," his free hand gripping my jaw.

"Yes sir," I whimper at his grip. "Good girl, now show me how good of a girl you can be." Letting go of my jaw, I walk at a clumsy pace to the edge of his bed. I strip from my now ruined panties, kicking them to the side. Sitting on his soft bed, spreading my legs, giving Joel a small show.

I tease myself for his pleasure, slowly running my fingers up my inner thigh so close to where I want to be. I lick at my fingers collecting saliva. I hear his breath hitch as I place my fingers on my clit. "Fuck," hold back a whimper trapping my bottom lip between my teeth "don't you look pretty playing with that needy cunt?" He groaned at the sight stepping closer. "Thank you," I say breathlessly.

"No need to thank me, baby, you're the one doing all the work," his praise edged me on, I gasp at the small stretch of my middle finger "shit," I flinch at his quick movement to his knees. "You know, watching you cum in my pool was just beautiful but this right here... Watching you get yourself off on my bed? So sprawled out just for me? It's just beyond perfect," he groaned placing butterfly kisses along my inner thigh.

"You have me on my knees for you, the sight of you has me begging to be so deep inside of you," his voice hoarse replacing my fingers with his in a swift moment. "Oh my god, Joel," I yelp at the stretch. "Your moans are music to my ears, baby," his fingers are deliciously bigger than mine, the feeling of them has me drooling. "Look at you, you're drooling and you haven't even had my cock yet," he gave a fake pout pulling out his fingers.

I was about to protest at his actions but seeing him suck his fingers clean like his life depended on it has me clenching nothing... "So ready for my cock aren't you?" I nod unable to form words under his gaze. "Words baby girl," he tapped on my clit "fuck, yes please I want your cock Joel," I whine as he sank his tongue into my begging cunt as his beautifully curved nose rubbed my clit at a perfect pace.

"Fuck me!" I cried out desperately trying to cover my mouth. "Move your hand baby, I want to hear you cumming on my tongue," he rasped disappearing between my thighs once again. Flattening his tongue licking through my folds has me shaking from the amount of pleasure he is giving me.

"Mr. Miller, I'm gonna cum! Please, oh please make me cum," I whine grinding myself on his face, tugging on his hair earning a sexy groan pulling me over the edge. My hips bucked as I came on his tongue, "shit, Joel," I whine trying to ride out my high but he didn't slow his pace. "Joel, please, please slow down," I gasped as he just held down my hips. He enters his fingers alongside his tongue.

"Shit, I- fuck me," I yell out a cry, his eyes fluttering open to watch me take whatever he was giving me. "Joel, fuck," I cry as a second orgasm rips through me. "Oh my god," I yell cumming on his fingers. "Yes, that's right I am your god, my pretty baby," he said lifting his head.

"You did so good for me," he rasped gripping my jaw. "Thank you, Mr. Miller," I whimper as he smashed his lips onto mine. "Such good manners, tell me what you want baby?" "I want you to fuck me please," I squirm under his gaze. "Well, baby since you have been so good for me, I can't say no to you," he cooed. "Thank you," I blush at his words.

"Okay, knees baby girl," he said stepping away from me. I sink to the floor only to see that he is fully clothed. I hold out my hand for him to help me back up. "What's wrong darlin'?" "Nothing, we just need to get this off first," I said playing with the hem of his work shirt. "Yes ma'am," "thank you for cooperating Mr. Miller," I said eye fucking him. This man is beyond fine, he is a work of art... He isn't too muscly. He doesn't have super-defined abs which is perfect to grab onto. His soft skin feels so right against mine...

"Baby, are you just going to keep staring at me?" "I wish I could, you are perfect Joel." "Glad you think so baby, but I prefer my old body," he laughed. "No," "no?" "No, yes your body was so hot but this body right here... Is just so sexy," I groan at the thought of every part of him. "Damn every time I was down about my body I should have just came to you," he scoffed.

"Yes, you should have. I would have worshiped your body like no other," I hummed leaving small kisses along his jaw. "Fuck," he moaned as I made my down to his chest. "You know I have never had someone to love my chest as much as you do," he gasped as I gave a teasing lick to his nipple... "Is that right?" I laid butterfly kisses along his pecs.

"Yes, you show love to every part of my body love." "Just wait and see how much I love your thighs," I grip his sides. "This I love, I can hold on to this, or these when I ride you," I gestured to his tummy and pecs. "You're killin' me here baby girl," he groaned as I pulled him into my embrace. "That's the plan baby," I gave a quick kiss before sinking to my knees. "I can watch you like this all day," he stroked my hair.

"Belt please?" "Yes ma'am" he smiled discarding his belt. I took my time undoing his jeans. "You look so pretty, my baby." "Thank you, but complementing me won't make me work faster," I hummed. Pulling down his jeans along with his boxer briefs, his cock sprung out with a hiss from Joel. "Shit, you're big," I say without thinking...

"Thank you, baby," the smirk on his face grew. He stepped out of the puddle of his clothes and kicked them to the side. "Now it's your turn to sit on the bed, Mr. Miller." "Everything good comes from sitting with you," he laughed turning me with him. "Just rest on your elbows for me, please?" I asked stroking his strong thighs.

"Oh, anything for you baby," he placed a soft kiss on my lips before leaning back. He let out a small sigh when I placed my hand on his stomach. Dragging my nails down to his thighs, his beautiful thighs... "Baby you look like you're about to eat me," he sank his teeth into his bottom lip. "Oh I am, you have no idea how long I wanted to kiss these babies... I already rid them, now it's time for me to show your thighs what they need," I hum hovering my lips over the soft skin of his thighs.

"And what is it that they need?" He questioned with a raised brow. "This," I left kisses along his inner thigh, never taking my eyes off him. I leave a train of forming hickeys up each thigh making my way to his cock. "Baby, you are the only person to ever leave marks on my thighs," he gasped as I sank my teeth into his thigh. "If you don't like it, I can stop-" "No, I mean I don't mind it," he rasped shutting his eyes. "Joel?" "Hmm?" "Tell me, what were you thinking about when I was watching you the other night?" I asked leaving a trail of kisses to his cock.

"What I was thinking of?" "Yeah, I want to know," I say in a low tone taking his hard cock in my hand. "Okay- shit- okay I was thinking of your first night here when Sarah dragged you out to go clubbin' and you wore that pretty little red dress, and you were pissed as hell because you didn't get to have fun..." He hissed bucking his hips into my hand.

"And you slept with some guy and you didn't get to cum before he did. You were just sitting there in the little dress with your legs in my lap as I massaged your calves... all I remember was that I wanted to pin you down and fuck you right there. To make you cum on my cock. And I heard you after you went to your room... I heard you moaning, I heard you cumming. And all I wanted was to be there with you, wanting to be the one you were moaning for." he groaned as my hand gently squeezed his cock.

"I was thinking of you, all I wanted was you... I was pissed because she took me with her, and I didn't get to spend time with you like we used to. I was horny and wanted you..." I wrapped my lips around his cock earning a low moan. "Of fuck," his eyes fluttered shut. "Baby, all you had to do was ask." "Yeah but what's the fun in that?" I giggle.

"If you want me to fuck you, you have to stop takin' me so deep in your throat," he groaned as I pulled off holding a tight grip on the base of his cock. "That was close pretty one," "I know, but who said I couldn't make you cum twice?" I laughed. "Oh I know you can, but I don't need my soul to leave my body."

"Okay, now the real fun," I said crawling onto him. "You know, I haven't had someone let me use them like that." "Ever?" "Well, there was one, but he was more submissive than you, but no one who went along with it..." "Assholes, that's what they are, every person should let you treat them right," "I agree, but right now is about making you feel good," my voice huskier than ever as I sank down onto him.

"Oh, my god," he exhaled as I sank further down. "Yes, I am your god, I am your fucked up god," I said with a gasp as he bottomed out. The way he is stretching me is so fucking perfect. "Just give me a minute Joel, fuck this angle has you deeper than last time," I moan hanging my head, gripping at his shoulders.

"It's okay, take your time to adjust, I'm not goin' anywhere baby," "fuck me, you're too big!" "You can take it, baby, I know you can. Just like my good girl," he slowly slid the tiniest bit out only to slam back in. "Joel! Fuck," I cry out in pleasure. "What was I doing when you were thinking of me that night?" He asked fucking up into me.

"I was thinking about what one of Sarah's friends said about you needing to pound into something so you can let loose a bit with us- shit- I was thinking of you storming into my room and fucking me silly. Letting you have your way with me- Fuck me do that again!" I moaned as he pressed deep into me over and over.

"Joel, please- fucking shit make me cum please," I cry out snaking my hand around his throat. "Please, please- oh god, please!" I beg as he pounded from underneath me. "I was supposed to do all the work," I finally get out in one breath. "Next time I promise baby, but I am just so deep I can't help it. You are just so tight darlin'" he grunted as I clenched around him.

"I can feel how close you are baby, you feel so good around me," "Joel, can I cum? Please?" I beg as tears prick my eyes as the pleasure takes over my mind. "Oh my pretty baby, look at you. Cum, cum for me," he coaxed. "Joel, oh my-" My third orgasm took over. My legs shook as I pick up our pace. My mind goes blank. My back Arching. My eye's shutting... My hand choking Joel... "Fuck baby just like that, you can take it, fuck yourself onto me. Use me to get yourself off," he grunted.

"Joel cum in me, I want you to cum in me," "shit," he threw his head back, arching his back... His orgasm was so powerful, I could feel the way his legs were shaking under me. "Fucking shit," he gasped for air painting my insides with his hot load, opening my eyes I see my hand around his neck... "Oh, shit sorry Joel," I gasped slowly sliding off of him. "Don't apologize for that baby, I just came the hardest I have ever cum because of that," he said trying his best to catch his breath.

"come here," he said pulling me up his body. What are you doing?" I giggled "I'm not done with you just yet Darlin'," he smirked hovering me above his face. "Sit," he demanded pulling on my thighs. "But-" "No 'but's' sit. Now." "Yes sir," I obey as he attached his mouth to my leaking cunt. "Joel, you don't have to do this. I can clean myself- shit," I moan as he sucked our mixed juices. "One more please baby," "Joel, I- I can't," "I know you can sugar," fuck it, can another orgasm really hurt? Yes, it can...

"Joel please, it's too much," I cry. "Well, she tells me otherwise, she's clenching around my finger like her life depends on it," he chuckled. "Fuck!" I yell grinding down on his face, squeezing my thighs around his head when my fourth orgasm crashed through me like no other. "Joel!" I cry out when he doesn't stop. "Joel please-" "Just cleaning up baby, that's all," he hummed to himself. "Good, because I don't think I could take another one," I gave a breathless laugh.

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We lay in bed for a few minutes trying to calm our breath. I climb out the bed to find my phone. "Where are you going?" "I have to get my phone," I said picking up my clothes. "Why some other guy you have to go to?" "Yeah, I have to call Sean," I said making him laugh. "What's so funny Joel?" I say with a blank face. "Wait seriously?" He barked rolling out of bed to find his boxers.

"Yeah, why?" I asked slipping on my panties and shirt. "You're going back to Sean's?" "Yeah, I'm taking my things over there- where is this coming from?" "I just thought- I mean you're still leaving after this?" He pointed to the bed we were just fucking in. "You just thought what?" "I don't know, that you would stay?" "Joel, regardless of what happens here, I'll still have to leave you at some point."

"Yeah, but do you have to go back to Sean's?" "What is it with you and him? Hmm?" "He's not good enough for you," "and what makes you the judge of that? Who said I was sleeping with him?" "No one,-" "Exactly, no one... So just stay out of it," I said as my phone rang. "Hey, yeah I'm ready. Okay- okay bye." I ended the call slipping into my pants.

"Wow, just like that huh?" He yelled yanking on his jeans. "What?" "I mean what was this?" "What do you mean Joel?" "This? The sex?" "Hey, you started that, not me," I sighed walking out his room. "Hey, you don't get to walk away from me!" "What are you going to do huh?" "I- I don't know yet," he huffed standing in the hallway. "Okay so if you don't mind Sean is waiting for me outside," I pushed passed him as I pulled my suitcases alongside me down the stairs.

I swing open the front door to see Sean standing at his truck. "Here let me help you with that-" "Thanks but I got it Joel," I pull away from him walking out the door. "Here honey, I got this. You get in and put your seat belt on," he said taking my suitcases... "Thank you, Sean," I said eyeing Joel...

We pull away from the house, and he is still standing there. Just watching us drive away...

"Look, I know you don't want to. But you are gonna have to talk to me," "I know Sean, but not right now... Not today..." "Okay, well I'm here," "I know," "Okay, how about dinner and a movie and a fort in the living room?" "How about a bath then all of them?" "Sounds perfect." "Yes it does," I let out a sigh leaning my head back...

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I turn over to an empty spot, groaning as the morning light peeked through the window. Shit, what time is it? "Sean!" I yell, tossing the pillows. "Okay, I am only in the kitchen. Why are you yelling?" "Have you seen my phone?" "No, sweetness... Where did you last see it?" Shit... That is just perfect. "At Joel's, when I last used it..."

"Why don’t you stay here and I’ll go get it for you-" "Nah, it’s okay I can just buy a new one-" I trail off with a gasp. "What?" "I- um, I left something at Joel’s other than my phone..." "What? A bag or somethin’?" "No, more like an um- um my bra," I sighed... "You slept with him again?" "Yeah… But I was in a rush-" "Wow, I mean just wow!" He laughed.

"What are you laughing at Sean?" "You, I mean you go over there to get your things then you end up fucking him and now you are back to being cold towards him, that is just beautiful!" "Okay, it’s not funny, Sean," I yell as I swat at his shoulder. "To me, it is-" "Oh fuck off!" "Come on, I’ll take you to pick it up." "No, I’ll get it tomorrow… I have seen enough Joel," I huff sitting on the bed.

"You literally saw him yesterday-" "My point exactly, so we can just wait for tomorrow," "Whatever you want honey," "Thank you..." "Hey, I'm going to be at the bar pretty much all day and night so I want you to stop by for a bit," he said pulling on his shirt.

"I will-" "You're not just saying that?" He asked, placing his hand in mine. "No, I'll stop by and we can get some food on the way home," "That sounds good to me," he said, leaving a soft kiss on my head. "I'll see you later sweetheart," he gave me a sad look, walking from my hands. "You got it," I waved him bye before tossing myself back onto the mattress.

After a power nap, I slouch to the living room to put on some Bowie; I hear a faint knock at the door. I glance at the clock on the wall, 2:45 PM it's probably his neighbor leaving the key.. Opening the door with a small smile. "Hey Sean's not hear right now but- no shit." "Darlin'?" "JJ? What are you doing here?" "I came by to leave Sean my keys, what are you doing here?" She asked, wide-eyed.

"I'm staying here for a bit... Wait, you're his neighbor?" "Yeah, how long have you been in town?" "About four weeks," "damn, how's life been?" "It has been crazy lately." "Sorry to hear that," she shook her head. "It's fine, what have you been up to?" "Nothing much, I'm heading out right now." "That's nice," I gave a smile. "Look, you should come out with me!" "No, I wouldn't want to be a burden-" "No please, I would love your company, just like old times," she laughed.

"I mean, it couldn't hurt to go out for a bit-" "That's my girl, go get ready. I'll wait for you," she said, stepping into Sean's house. Just like old times, right? What can go wrong? A lot...

Her car is blasting music like I remember. "Who is all going to be there?" I asked, turning down the radio. "Well, random people, Kat, Rick, and Max," JJ sang with a smirk. "Oh, no JJ-" "What?" "I can't go, I should have asked beforehand," I rake my fingers through my hair. "Well, if I told you who was going, you wouldn't have come," she said, focused on the road. "JJ I can't," "Why not?"

"Because those are Sarah's friends, not mine-" "Am I Sarah's friend?" "No-" "Well then, why should it matter?" "It's just that we aren't getting along at the moment-" "Nothing new there, I mean she is an ass." "What do you mean by that?" "Well I mean she has always treated others like she was better than them so none of us really hang out with her, so trust me you are safe tonight." "Okay. fuck it... Let's go have fun," I sighed, trying my best to shake my nerves.

"Hey, look at me," she said, putting the gear in park. "You are going to have fun, you are going to talk to people, and most important of all... You are going to kiss some people!" "Okay, I am not kissing anyone," I laugh, unbuckling my seatbelt.

-

"Hey, Darlin'!" They yell as I enter the small bar... "Hey, guys," I said as I greeted them with hugs. "Omg, how have you been Darlin'?" "I have been just fine Kat." "That's good!" "How have you been?" "I have been fantastic! Rick proposed!" "Oh my god! What? When did this happen?" "Last week!" "Congratulations!" I yelled as I hugged her. "Congrats, dude," I said as I hugged Rick. "Thanks, sweetheart. I mean, I had to settle down, I couldn't let this one get away," Rick laughed as he hugged Kat.

"Hey!" "Oh, hey Max," "how have you been Darlin'? Does anyone even call you Darlin' anymore?" "Oh no, they don't, but I have been good," I laugh at the nickname. "That's good... So what do people call you nowadays?" "Um... They call me y/n, no one really calls me any nicknames..." "Not even Sean? Joel? The boyfriend?" He gave an unsure smile...

"Well, Joel and Sean are the only ones who call me nicknames but there is no boyfriend," I said, looking away from him. "What? What happened to Mitch?" "He cheated, and I got bored with him..." "Sorry to hear that Darlin'- y/n." "Thanks," I said as I took a beer from his grasp. "That was mine," "and now it's mine," I laughed, taking a swig.

"So how is Sean doing?" Kat blurted, dragging Ricky alongside her, "I thought you were with Mitch?" Ricky said with a puzzled look. "Who told you that?" "JJ, why?" "I'm not seeing anyone... I haven't been for a while now." I scoffed. "Oh, um- what happened?" "I mean Sean, and I broke up before I left for college. I got with Mitch after a few months, then he cheated on me..."

"Man Darlin' I'm sorry to hear that." "It's okay, but don't listen to everything you hear from JJ-" "What about me?" She interrupted with a smile. "Why did you tell them that I was still seeing someone?" I yelled, storming out of the bar.

"What the hell did you say to them?" JJ quietly yelled. "I told them that I'm not seeing someone," "Why would you do that?" "Because I'm not!" "Well Darlin', that's none of their business-" "Stop with that stupid name! No one calls me Darlin'!" I yell, shaking my head in disbelief...

"You know what? I am done, I came here to escape life for a while, but if I have to deal with this, I'm out," I scoffed. "Okay, Darlin', I am sorry, can you stay and party with us? I wanted you to have fun, I shouldn't have said anything to anyone," JJ said as she handed me a blunt. "Okay, yeah, I don't see why not," I said as I took the blunt from her hand. "That's my girl!" JJ yelled as I took a puff.

The music is loud. People are dancing like there is no tomorrow. "See, wasn't that easy?" "Yeah, I guess," I mumbled, stepping through the doors. "That a good girl, you want more tequila?" "Sure," I stumbled next to Max.

Max

"Hey, I don't think you should drink anymore, you have drank so much in so little time," "Let her be Max, now come Darlin'," JJ said, pulling her to a table. "JJ, you can't do this to her, she got away from us for a reason," "Look, Max, she wanted to do this, if you say anything else to her and I will deny it because you don't have proof," JJ shoved me with a finger. "Fine, fuck you JJ, you are acting just like Sarah... I am not going under for you, you are on your own," I said, grabbing my jacket.

Reader

It's dark. It's so cold. Where am I?... "You okay?" "Max?" "Yeah, well I mean if you would open your eyes you could see me," "I can't open my eyes." "Why not?" "It's too bright." "In Sean's house? Where it's literally 4 in the morning?" 4 In the morning? "Where is Sean?" "Store, he's gettin' you some things."

"Okay... How much did I drink?" "What do you remember?" "Nothin' much..." "There's your answer..." "That bad?" "I know I haven't seen you since we graduated but I thought you were smarter than this," "Max-" "No, you hang around with dicks, between her and Sarah... I mean damn," he sighed as the front door opened. "Hey, they didn't have- what the hell were you thinkin'!" Sean yelled as he tossed the bag on the couch next to me.

"Sean-" "No, look, this is why I wanted you to stay with me. So you won't get this drunk... So you won't get this high... I mean, what the hell? You know I didn't remember her? How she treated you? That makes me feel like shit," "Sean, it's fine. I just needed a night to myself-" "You say that as Max had to drag you to my bar because you showed up at his house, crying and so drunk you didn't even know who you were talking to!" He scoffed, walking away. "Take a shower and I'll make you some food," he yelled from the kitchen.

My head is pounding, and that knocking isn't helping... I glance at the clock on Sean's dresser. 4:27 PM... I groan, rolling out of bed. "Sean, who is knocking?" I asked, rubbing my temples, "I'll check, hold on," he grumbled, rolling off the couch. "Sean, get the door or I will shoot it..." "Okay jeez." "Hey, Joel, yeah she's in the kitchen just be a little quiet," "or don't because if that's your whispering voice then you have already killed me," I said sliding against the wall.

 "I'm gonna go back to bed so you guys can talk-" "You can take the bed, Sean, I'll go lay down later-" "No, you can have it, I don't mind it," he said throwing himself on the couch.

"What's goin' through that hungover brain of yours?" Joel asked, sliding down next to me. "Everything but also nothing," I sighed as I leaned my head back against the wall. "Let's get you back to bed hmm?" He asked as he helped me up "Joel, you don't even have to be here- wait why are you here?"

"Because you had a rough night," he said caressing my cheek "Joel, I am a big girl I can take care of myself," I said walking into Sean’s room. "Oh, I never said you couldn't, I know you are more than capable," he chuckled. "Come back to the house and stay with me, just until you leave," he said with his big puppy eyes.

"Joel-" "Please?" "Joel, why are you in here?" I sighed, turning to him "I'm not gonna lie but I just want to be with you for a bit and I really want to kiss you," he said in a single breath, leaning in. "Why don't you?" I whispered. "Because I don't know if you want me to," he whispered against my lips "Joel, there's not a day that I don't want you to kiss me," I gave a sad laugh.

"Then come here," he said as he sat on the edge of the bed. I slowly walk to him and stood in between his legs. "Please, kiss me," he softly begged. "You begging is a sight to see..." "Only for you," he said, pulling me down. "I'm not kissing you on this bed, Joel," I said, stepping back. "Fine, then kiss me on my bed. Come home with me."

"Joel-" "Just for a few days, and if you want to come back... I'll bring you back." "If I say yes, will you stop being a baby?" I laughed. "For you? Never, but please come home with me... Where you belong," he held my hand to his lips. "Okay, I'll go," I whispered low enough for us to hear.

"Sean?" I yelled from the bathroom. "Yes?" He rounded the corner. "Okay, I need my bags please-" "You're leavin' already? I thought you two were goin' good-" "No, I'm going back..." "Hell yes! I get to have my bed all to myself again," he cheered. "Oh shut up Sean, can you go get my bags please?" "Yes ma'am," he laughed, walking away.

"So, are you ready?" Joel asked, knocking at the bathroom door. "Hey, yeah, can you send Sean please?" "Yeah, I'll get him for you," he said, backing away from the door.

A knock startles me. "It's me, open up," Sean's voice echoed through the small bathroom. "What's wrong?" He softly asked closing the door. "I am going to stay with him..." "Okay?" "What do I do?" "You go with him?" "No smartass, like what am I supposed to do? I mean we are like best of friends... I slept with him..." "Yeah, but you're a big girl. You got this," "Sean, that's helpful."

"It's not supposed to be helpful, I'm your friend, not your boyfriend," he laughed. "What do you mean you were just like this when you were my boyfriend," I scoffed. "Just go with him, talk, laugh, and cry, just like you always do. You don't have to tell him anythin', but please open up to someone other than me... You need it," he said before leaving a swift kiss on my forehead.

Joel

He has been in the bathroom with her for quite some time now. I'm not jealous. Just protective, that's all. "Okay, I'm ready now." She spoke in a soft tone. "Okay, well, let's hit the road," I said, taking her bags.

The whole ride back to my house was full of music, she never liked to talk when she was driving with me. She just liked to listen to music and enjoy the drive. "We are here, sweetheart," I whispered as if she was a fragile flower. "You know you didn't have to agree," I said, slouching on the couch. "What do you mean?" "It's just that you look like you regret even coming back to the house, and you could have said that you didn't want to come. I would have left it alone," "Joel, I didn't mean to make it seem like that," she whispered, sitting next to me.

Reader

He sat there with his head hung low... "It's just that you don't seem to want to be here," "I do, I want to be here with you, It's just going to take some time." "Okay, I can respect that," he said with a sad smile... "Just tell me when you want to stop all of this and I'll take you back to Sean's-" "Hey, why would I want to stop all of this? I love this," I smirked at his fake pout. "You know me so well." "You bet your ass I do," I laughed, leaning on his shoulder.

"How about we make some dinner and watch a movie?" "I think that sounds perfect," I sighed, nestling into his soft touches. "What do you want to eat?" "I think some Alfredo pasta will satisfy me more than anything," my stomach growled at the thought. "Well, I must do anything to satisfy you," he laughed, holding me closer. "Yes you must, I am just that precious," I beamed.

"Okay, you get the pasta ready and I'll do the sauce," I said handing him the box of pasta. "I haven't had you cook for me in a very long time," he sighed in relief. "And I haven't had you cook with me in a very long time," I bumped his hip with mine. "Well, it's thanks to you, I can kinda cook, I mean it's nowhere near as good as yours but it'll do if I don't want to starve," he laughed.

"This smells so good Joel," "I agree, but it's only because you made it." "Oh stop it, you helped," I swatted at his shoulder. "Doing what? The pasta?" "Hey, you helped with some of the spices-" "Only because I remembered which ones you liked," he hummed to himself. "Well, isn't that sweet of you?"

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"Not as sweet as you," he whispered, his breath on my neck. "Joel," "what baby?" "What are you doing?" "Nothing, I'm just taking you in," he said leaving small kisses along my neck. "Oh, really?" "Yes, you have been out of my touch for too long," he rasped swaying my hips with his. "Joel, we'll burn the food," I gasped feeling his bulge pressed firmly against my ass. "Then turn down the heat," he said reaching over to mess with the knobs. "You're an ass, Mr. Miller," I turned to steal a kiss from him.

I hummed into the kiss, dragging my teeth lightly along his bottom lip. "You are killing me," he pulled away. "Good," I smirked "fuck baby you look so sexy," he said peeling my small shirt off of my heated body and throwing it somewhere on the floor. "Oh, look at all my work," he says as he traces over all the hickeys on my chest, down to my breast.

"I want to hear those sexy moans of yours," he said slipping his hand into my pants. "Fuck!" I practically screamed. "Is this what my pretty baby needed?" he asked teasingly. "Fuck please," I begged as he pulled down my pants along with my panties. "Now, now, you have to be patient baby girl," his voice hoarse as he slid a thick finger down my slits causing my hips to buck into his touch. "Fuck, I barely touched you and you are so wet for me." He said in almost awe "Just for you, Joel," I moaned as he knelt between my thighs.

"Joel, please," I moaned as he made perfect circles on my clit with his soft tongue. "Just like that baby, use my face to get yourself off," he growled inserting two of his thick fingers into my aching cunt. "Fucking shit," I screamed as my thighs shook around his head. My knees almost gave out as I tried to hold myself up. "Yes, baby girl... Cum on my tongue, cum for me," he coaxed "Joel, please make me cum, please," I cried out.

"Oh, there is nothin' I want more, my pretty baby," he cooed as if he wasn't finger fucking me right now. "I can feel how close you are baby, you can let go," "fuck me," I cried breathlessly as a tear of pure euphoria fell down my face. "There you go, give me what I want baby," he rasped as I clenched around his fingers bringing me closer to my release.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I chant as he curled his finger at an inhuman pace. I came but this time it was different... It was wetter... Shit, what did I do? "I'm so sorry, it won't stop," I cried as it just kept flowing out of me. With a gasp I'm squirting on Joel's face, soaking his mouth and beard...

"Shit baby girl, don't apologize... That was fucking perfect," "I've never done that before," I say trying to catch my breath. "Never?" "I don’t think I have… but this was... Fuck you're soaked," I said collecting my juices from his chin. "You did so good for me," he stood placing a soft and passionate kiss on my lips, "what are you doing?" "My turn," I say acting innocently as I suck and bite from his chest to his tummy.

I pull down his jeans and boxers. I tried to take him as deep as I could without gagging. "Shit baby girl, right there- " He moaned while pulling on my hair making me whimper fuck he looks hot. "Fuck you look so sexy no wonder why everyone wants you," I said with a possessive growl before taking him deeper than last time. "But you are the only one that can have me," he said with lustful eyes, "fuck baby girl just like that, you look so sexy like this," he growled shoving his big cock down my throat.

"Come here," he said in a single breath, "what's wrong?" "As much as I want to cum in that pretty little mouth of yours I really want to cum in you again." "Well don't let me stop you then," I giggled allowing him to pull me with him. "Okay baby girl, are you ready?" His voice is hoarse as he pulled my body against his. "For you? I'm always ready," I smirked as he slid into me with ease because of my wetness "shit!" I slightly yell before I bit down onto his shoulder causing him to smirk.

"Joel, please," I whine rubbing circles on my clit. "What do you want baby?" "I want you to fuck me harder, please!" I cried out as I instinctively clenched around him. "Fuck if you keep clenching me like that I won't last baby," he grunted as his pace got sloppier. "What if I don't want you to last? Hmm?" "Such a slut for my cock huh?" He rasped wrapping a hand around my neck "fuck just like that Joel," I moan chasing my orgasm.

"Oh, my god y/n, you're so fucking tight. I've never fucked a pussy this tight," he slowed his pace to only slam back into me. "Never? Not even the pretty little thing you brought home that one summer?" I hissed resting my head on the cool counter. "Not even her baby, she wasn't you. She wasn't what I wanted," he whispered tangling his fingers in my hair, making a makeshift ponytail with his fist. "And what was that?" "I wanted your sweet little cunt. I wanted to be the one that fucked you. You don't understand how much it pissed me off when you told me you finally fucked that kid," a moan was ripped from his chest as he slammed into me.

"I had to get myself off after that, I tried so hard not to think of you that night... I had a nice boyfriend and all I could think of was fucking you," a moan escaped as I came around his cock. "Just like that, good girl cum on my cock, just like that fuck," he groaned thrusting deep in me. He's so deep when he cums. "Shit!" He grunted as he painted my insides with his hot load... "Fuck baby, you were such a good girl for me," he said trying to catch his breath. "Thank you, Mr. Miller" I gasped as he pulled out with a hiss.

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"Okay, you go take a shower and I'll finish the food," I said with sleepy eyes picking up our clothes. "Okay, I'll be quick so you can take one too," he laughed leaving a swift kiss on my forehead. After a few minutes, I hear the water turn off from upstairs. "Baby! You can come up and take your shower," Joel called out from the stairs, "thank you," I said putting the now-cooked pasta in the sauce.

After that relaxing shower, I headed down the stairs in only Joel's shirt and a small pair of pajama bottoms. "How was your shower?" "It was good, better than Sean's shower," I laughed letting down my hair from the loose bun I held it in. "So I'll get this plated and you pick the movie?" He asked reaching for the plates. "Yeah that would be nice, having you serve me," I hummed to myself and he just laughed at my comment.

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We are cuddled on the couch with my knees bent over his legs as he massaged my calves, watching Coraline, talking like we always do when I hear the turning of the knob. "Dad, you'll never guess what I just heard!" She yelled through the house. "Sarah? What are you doing here?" "I live here duh, what is she doing here?" "She's staying here duh," he said giving her the same flat tone. "Well now this is awkward," she said with a fake pout.

"What is Sarah? That you're acting like you weren't yelling at me the other day or the fact that you are acting like a child and decided to stay at your friends for more than the weekend?" "Neither of those things, well I didn't want to tell you like this but apparently y/n and Sean are back together,, I didn't even know they were together in the first place," she scoffed with a smirk looking my way. Who the fuck told her that? "What do you mean Sarah? I'm not with Sean," I shot up, fixing my posture.

"Well people say otherwise," she barked rolling her eyes. "Who told you that?" "I'm no snitch, but I mean weren't you living with him?" "Yeah, but that doesn't we were sleeping together, you know that," "I don't know, you have been acting so differently lately! I don't even know who you are anymore!" She yelled moving closer to us. "Girls calm down, let's just talk about this, y/n? Is this true? Were you sleeping with him?" Joel asked with sad eyes.

"No, I would never, I mean yeah I love him but we have no future together, you know that..." "See, she still loves him, Dad," "Sarah shut up! Why do you even care?" "Because you're cheating on Mitchy!" "I'm not even with him! Not after that!" "You don't even know what you're talking about!" She yelled in my face. "Okay, one of you tell me what the fuck is going on! Right now!" He yelled pushing us apart. "Don't you dare say shit," she barked with gritted teeth...

"Okay, someone needs to say something! I am tired of this bullshit," Joel yelled as Sarah just gave me a 'say anything and I will end you' look. "There is nothing to say, Joel, I mean it really is nothing-" "See, I told you she was being dramatic!" "You told him what?" "Well, I mean, you are overreacting over nothing!" She huffed, flipping her hair.

"You know what? I treated you like a friend, I didn't have to. Your dad wanted you to make friends, so I did him a favor..." "Yeah right-" "He was my friend way before you even stepped into my life," I barked. "So you were my friend till you fucked everything up," she gave a shove to my shoulder.

"Fine, if you see it that way, then you have no problem with me telling your dad what I did?" "Don't you fucking dare!" She yelled, running at me, instinctively I punched her in the face, making her fall on her ass. "You fucking bitch!" She cursed, holding her nose.

"Joel, do you remember how I told you that Mitchel cheated on me with one of our friends?" "Yeah?" "Well, he did, with Zoe... And Sarah. It had been going on since the second month we were together and when we came to visit and we stayed with my dad, I caught them... And my dad told me to get over it because he had known for months and decided that what they were doing was okay..." I let out a sob.

He just stood there. His face was blank, not a word has left his mouth... "And this is why I said that it didn't matter, you don't have to believe me," I spoke with a sad tone. "Why would he believe you? You are such a liar?" "Sarah, I want you out of this fucking house right now," he barked, raking his fingers through his hair.

"What-" "You heard me, how could you do that to your best friend? She was there for you when you needed her and yet you do this? I mean, what the fuck happened to you?" He question as she stood to her feet, letting the blood drip onto the floor. "Nothing happened to me, what happened to you? I thought you were going to have my side no matter what?" "I do, I did, till you betray someone like this... I didn't raise you to be like that, Sarah-"

"That's right, you didn't raise me, you were always with her!" "I was with her because I was way too nice and let you go out wherever just so you wouldn't throw a tantrum! You wanted to leave so I let you, you seemed happy so I let myself think I was doing a great job... Now look at you, all like your mother." He spat, walking away from us.

"This is all your fault!" She yelled, running at me again. I see red, nothing but red... My ears are ringing as I pounce on her, punching her face. I can't hold back the tears and screams that fall from me. Joel finally gets a grip on me as he pulls me off of her.

"Baby, stop. I know it hurts, but you can't do this!" He yelled as I tried to get free of his arms. "Baby? You're sleeping with her?" Her voice roared as she stood, stomping towards me. "Stop it, both of you! I have had enough of this," he pushed Sarah back as he put me behind him. "You're fucking her? You're fucking my friend-" "She was never your friend! I knew her first, she was in my life first and it is none of your goddamn business who I'm fucking!" He yelled, startling me.

"How could you do this to me? I thought you cared about me y/n!" "I did, at one point I just realized that you were only using me! I stopped talking to everyone here because you and your boyfriend kept putting shit in my head and I just let it happen," I scoffed, pushing Joel from in front of me. "Yeah right, tell yourself whatever you want-" "Fuck you, Sarah, I'm done with this shit. You can just shove it up you ass man," I said walking to the kitchen. "Bitch don't you dare walk away from me!" She yelled after me. "Sarah, that's enough! Leave her alone," Joel called out following us.

"Sarah, please just give it a rest, I wasn't allowed to get mad when I found out that he slept with you so you have no right to get mad about me sleeping with your dad," I sighed turning to her just to get punched in the shoulder... I just stand there with a blank face in disbelief. "You punch like a bitch," I laughed before my fist met her face once again.

"This is what you want Dad? This bitch who hits me?" "Don't call her that, and you started this. Stop acting like a child," he barked pulling her back from me. "Joel, do you want me to leave Because I can go-" "Yes-" "No, you're not going anywhere, the one who is leaving is you, Sarah, I'm not gonna say it again," "Dad-" "No, you have brought shame to this family, I can't believe you did this to someone who gave you all their attention," he sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. "Just go Sarah," "dad-" "Sarah, please just leave. I don't want you here right now!" "Fine, you can have this bitch," "Sarah," he gave a warning glare. "You two deserve each other, this is so fucked up!" She yelled storming out the front door.

"That was so unnecessary," I laughed, "you're laughin' right now?" He asked with a raised brow. "Sorry, I just thought that wasn't going to come out," I sound crazed. "What?" "I wasn't going to tell you, I was going to keep it to myself probably till the day I died," I laughed as tears fell. "That's what Sean wanted you to tell me?" "Yeah," "You told him and not me?" His tone was angry, "Joel, it was a great idea at the time." "You could have called me..." "No I couldn't have," "Yes-"

"No, they were in the dorms at all times, they invaded my personal space then my mind... I couldn't even think for myself at times, I had to make sure it was okay with them... I couldn't call you because Mitchel found it weird and would tell Sarah that I was talking to you so she would ask about every little detail we talked about and made me tell her," "how could she make you?" He scoffed.

"She would make Mitchel hit me, or... Or she would do it herself, I had to hide so many bruises when we would come over, I had to hide so much from you when we came over," I sighed sliding down to the floor. "Why? Why would you do that?" "Because I thought I was going to lose you," I choked on my words as I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "Why would you think that?" "Because she's your daughter, family comes first-" "No, you come first... She never treated you right, I love my daughter but that's not the little girl I raised so technically she's not my daughter-" "Joel, don't say that..."

"No I mean it-" "No you don't, this is why I didn't want to say anything... Either you would hate me, or you would hate her," I let a tear fall. "Oh my sweet baby, I could never hate you," he rushed to his knees to sit between mine.

Silence with Joel always seems to ease anything that happens. "How about we go to bed?" His soft tone broke me free from thought. "I'm not sleepy yet-" "Your body says otherwise," he pointed to my tired eyes. "Joel, it's fine. I'm good-" "Nope, you're in our house, you're not gonna be tired unless I make you tired," he said with a smirk picking me up bridal style. Our house... I giggled at the thought.

He softly laid me on his bed as if I were a delicate flower. "Joel, I could sleep in my own bed," I sat on my elbows watching him crawl into bed. "No, from now on you'll be sleeping in my- our bed," he hummed. "Joel,-" "Don't say anything right now, let's just be like this just for a little bit," he has always said 'our house' but this time it feels like it has a different meaning like he really means it this time. "I can see you thinking, what's on your mind?" His hands made soft strokes through my hair. "Nothing, just that... I love this," I gave a quick kiss before turning over, "I love this too," his words almost sounding sad...

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I see his watch on the nightstand, 3:45 AM... Of course, he's not in bed. walking down the stairs I hear a slight sniffle. "Joel?" I softly called out as I made my way through the kitchen to the living room. "Hey, what are you doing up?" He asked wiping a tear. "Are you crying?" "No, of course not," he adjusted on the couch "Joel, come on," I sat beside him.

"Tell me what's wrong," I held his hand, "it's just- what happens when you leave me?" "Leave you?" "Yeah, you'll go back to school and you're not gonna want me anymore," he more to himself than me. "Why do you say that?" "You love this, not me... You love the small world we're in, not us," he rolled his eyes. "You really think that?" "I mean how else am I supposed to see it?"

"Really Miller?" I scoffed poking his shoulder. "You got me fucked up if you think of me like that, I love what we have... Because it's us, I love us, I love you," I laughed, leaving a puzzled look on his face. "You love me?" "Yes, I have been in love with you since I was 17," "You really love me?" "Joel Miller, I know we don't say 'I love you' unless we really mean it, so do you think I mean it?"

"Yes, I mean-" "Joel, shut up," I laughed pulling him in for a soft kiss, his breath hitched as I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Joel Miller, you are a sucker and I love making you a sucker," I smiled at his puppy eyes. "Now, you're gonna come back to bed because if you don't I'll force you to watch movies all morning," I giggled pulling him off the couch. "Yes ma'am," he rushed up to tickle me "Joel, if you don't stop tickling me!" I yelled running up the stairs. "You'll do what? Huh?" "I'll bite you because I know my tickles don't faze you," I cried with laughter as we reached the bed. "You know I'll like it," he laughed tossing us on the messy bed.

Joel

I finally have her, she's mine. I have this woman all to myself. It's wrong but it feels so right, I never thought I would have her all to myself. "So, how long will she be mad at us?" She asked as I cradled her face in my hands. "She will never get over it," I said in a hushed voice, "I love you," she whispered, "I love you, and I don't care who knows," I placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Joel, I love you, I love you enough to let you go-" "To let me go? Are you breaking up with me?" "No-" "I knew you would, I don't know why I keep tellin' myself that anyone could love this old fool," I huffed hopping off the bed. "Hey! Don't you dare talk about yourself like that! Ever, this isn't about me or you-Well it's about you a little bit... I just don't want you to sacrifice your relationship with your daughter for me," she yelled standing on her knees, the bed making her a bit taller than me. "I won't be, she made her decision and I made mine, I lost you once and I ain't gonna lose you again-" "You won't, I'll still come by but I- We just can't be us," "no, that's not good enough for me, and neither is it for you, you deserve to be happy, and if that's with me then I am gonna make it happen," I sighed, leaning my forehead against hers.

"Hey, look at me, I am happy... With you, I am happy with you. I will never change my mind, I will never get tired of you, and I certainly won't stop loving you," I placed a soft kiss on her lips. "I just want you to be happy, I don't want to be the reason you're not, you may feel like you can love me forever right now... But what happens when the guilt comes back? When you regret being with me and miss your daughter?" "I will always miss her, but I miss the old her... I will never regret being with you, I love- I have always loved you... No one in this world could ever change that," I gave a weak laugh as a tear rolled down her sad face.

"I will love you till I die, I don't think I could stop loving you... Even if I tried." "Joel?" "Yeah?" "What happens when I leave?" "We will make it work, I'll visit you, and you'll come visit me. We will make it work. And, we go back to our late-night calls because I miss hearing your voice at the end of a hard day," "me too," she sniffled. "When do you go back?" "I leave in a 7 days, then I'll have a week left to prepare for the new semester..." "Okay, till then we will not leave this bed no matter what," I smiled rolling us over onto our sides.

"I would love to see that but you mister, have work in the morning." "Don't remind me, I was hopin' to forget so I can stay here with you all day," "I don't think so Joel, I know you love me but you love working more," she smiled, poking my dimple. "Get some sleep hun," I sighed, placing a kiss on her temple. "yes Sir," she giggled tucking her cold hands under my shirt, "why you little-" "What?" She laughed, her beautiful laugh. "Get some sleep baby, you need it," "Thank you, I love you," she mumbled sleepishly, "I love you more, more then you can ever know... You understand-" I trailed off listening to her small light snores. I am the luckiest man in this world, to have this woman to myself... To be the one to hold her, to be the one she comes home to at the end of the day... I am so in love with her it almost hurts.

I walk into our room to see her peacefully tangled in our sheets. Her light snores, those plumped lips slightly parted, she is so beautiful. "Baby," I lightly shook her arm, "yeah?" She mumbled. "I'm heading to work, I love you and I will see you later. Don't forget to eat somethin'," I whispered, rubbing her arm. "Okay, be safe," she sniffled "you feelin' alright darlin'?" "Yeah, I just want us to sleep for a little longer," she hummed holding my hand. "I wish, but we can't," I smiled scooting next to her.

 The sound of my phone stirs her in her peaceful state. "Goddamn it Tommy, what do you want?" "I just needed to know when you're goin' get here?" "Well actually, Y/n isn't feeling well, I am going to stay here with her," the lie leaves my lips when she covers my chest with her body. "Are you sure?" "Yes Tommy, can you stop by the shop and tell Daniel for me?" "Whatever." Tommy scoffed before hangin' up.

"Looks like you got your way," I softly laughed placing my phone on my nightstand. "Good," she muttered, adjusting her head on my chest. I softly sweep the sleep-ruined hair out of her face. "Babygirl, your head feels hot, are you feeling okay?" "Yeah," she groaned as I raked my fingers through her sweaty hair. "I think you might be running a fever, let me go and get the thermometer," I said with furrowed brows, walking to the shelf. "Here, put this under your tongue," my voice soft as I climb up next to her. "I don't want to," she grunted, shaking her heavy head away. "Baby, you have to, I have to see how high your temperature is," I raked my fingers through her hair again. "You're sweating so much, you might need a bath," "I don't want to." "Well, you have to," I grabbed her chin, causing her to furrow her brows in question. "Put this under your tongue," I softly spoke as she opened her mouth. "There you go, now I will go get you a bath started," I said leaving him once again. "Jesus honey, 100.9 F," I sighed, checking the thermometer. "Mmm," she grunted, shifting her position. "Come on, you need a bath, you're sweating." "Do I have to get up?" "Yes, it will make you feel better," "I just want to lay here," she mumbled. "You need to get up baby," "I know," her voice weak as she finally opened her eyes. "Can you get up on your own?" "Yeah, I just feel a little dizzy," she shook her head, rubbing her eyes. "Come on, let's get you in the bath, I think it will help," I said helping her stand up. "Here you go, have a seat- be careful," I sighed helping her sit on the toilet. "Come on, let's get you undressed," "Like what you see?" She gave a weak smile. "Really?" "Sorry," she let out a breathy laugh as she stood up to take off her pants. "You got it?" "Yeah, I got it," she mumbled, hooking his thumbs under his waistline. "Okay, I'm gonna get your clothes ready if you need anything," I softly spoke, watching her get undressed. "Okay, I will let you know," she nodded, settling in the water. I stood there, hesitant to leave her in such a state.

"Joel?" I heard from inside the bathroom "yeah? Are you okay?" "Yeah, I am, but could you get my back? I have tried but my arms are a little weak right now," she rolled her eyes handing me the wash cloth. "Yeah, of course" I grabbed the wash cloth as I sat on the edge of the tub. "Thank you Joel," "you don't have to thank me," I smiled slowly dragging the wash cloth across her back. "I mean it, really, thank you, you didn't have to do this," she gave me a weak smile.

"Are you feeling better?" I asked when she sat on the foot of our bed in nothing but a fluffy towel. "Yeah," she nodded, "do you want me to make you something to eat?" I questioned, placing her clothes on the bed next to her. "No, I am good, but thank you," she laughed, messing with her messy, wet hair. "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure," she said, with a soft smile.

I stared at her perfect and soft skin. The scent of her favorite freshly sprayed perfume... "Are you okay?" "Yeah, just taking you in hun." "Why?" She cocked her brow with a knowing smile. "Because I love you, I was worried for a minute." "You have taken care of me many times like this, we'll be just fine," "I know, but it's different now I can't explain it, but it just is," I sighed, shaking my head.

Reader

3 days left... I have 3 days left with the man of my dreams. The past 4 days were spent tangled up in sheets and long days waiting for him to come home to me. "Baby, I'm home!" His voice echoed throughout the house as he entered the living room. "I'm in the kitchen, I'm making' your favorite!" I said with a smile, hearing his heavy boots crossing the house. "You treat me so good baby girl," "and you treat me even better," I gasp when I turn and see the flowers in his hand. "What's the special occasion?" I questioned before placin' a swift kiss on his lips. "Nothin' much, the owner of the house we're buildin' wanted to thank us, and Tommy had mentioned you earlier that day and she remembered so she gave me some flowers for you," he smiled. "And they just so happen to be my favorite flowers?" "She may have had a very large garden," he gave a shy smile.

"You are somethin' else Mr. Miller, but thank you they are beautiful," I smiled, bending down to get a vase from the cupboard. "And you are even more beautiful then them flowers, why don't you take a break and let me take care of the food and put those flowers in some water?" He hummed, "no baby, you just got home, rest and put your feet up- Plus the food is almost done," "now I know you are lyin', just let me help-" "Joel Miller, you have worked a 12 hour shift, if you don't let me take care of you-" "You'll do what?" "I don't know, I'll tie you down or somethin'" I laughed. "I just want to help," "okay, how about you set the table and then you can go ahead and pick out a movie we can watch after?" I shrug, "I swear it's like you don't want me in here," he gave a faux pout, "you can come back, I just want you to pick the movie because I will take forever to pick one," I laughed "mhmm," he rolled his eyes playfully.

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The soft knock at the door woke me from the light sleep I was in. I look to Joel who is fast asleep, grabbing his phone from his lap- 4:30 in the morning. 3 missed calls from Sarah- Okay... The knock draws my attention from the phone. "Can I help you- What are you doing here at this time of night?" "Technically it's in the the morning-" "Sarah, answer me," "I just wanted to come by and say sorry-" "Why now?" "Because I thought it was the right thing to do-" "I mean why at this time? You know your dad goes to work early in the morning, why didn't you come by after he got off? Or call him after work?" "Why are you sounding like you're my mom-" "Why the fuck would you even say that? I am not trying to sound like your mom, I am talkin' to you like a person so I'm sorry if you can't handle someone talkin' to you right. If you want to talk to your dad you can come back after he gets off of work," I rolled my eyes stepping back. "But you're going to tell him about what I said right?" "No Sarah, I am not," "why not?" "Because I am not your fuckin' messenger! You are a big girl you deal with it, or is it all just an act to make you look cooler for your boyfriend?" I scoffed.

"You have no right to say that-" "I honestly don't care about what you have to say, I just want to go back to sleep and for you to stop talkin' all this crazy shit because I am gettin' really tired of it-" "Both of you get in this damn house, now!" he yelled pullin' me with him. "Dad, I just wanted to say how sorry-" "I don't care how sorry you are or were, I don't care. What I do want to know is why are you here?" "Because I missed you, and I wanted to talk to you-" "Sarah for once in your life be honest with me," he sighed plopin' himself on the empty loveseat next to me.

"See this is what she does to people dad, she turns them against me-" "Do I have to keep remindin' you? I met her first. I knew her first. I know how she is, I was there for her and she was there for me- And it was not in a romantic way... We were actually friends, and it may be hard for you to hear this but... I know her better than you could ever know. She- Her- I know her, I have been there for her, you have made her second guess everything with me! I love her and I hate to say it but I will choose her over anyone at this point-"

"Joel-" "No, she needs to hear this so she can get it through her thick ass skull, you fucked up. You tried to ruin something you knew you couldn't. I love you I really do... But the way you have been actin' over these past few years- It really has me questionin' how I raised you, so you can leave now because I am done with this. I don't have the patience to forgive you right now." He sighed standing from the loveseat...

"But dad-" "No Sarah I am done, I have been done for years!" "Then why didn't you put a stop to it years ago?" "Because of her! You were her friend, after you started actin' like your mom she was my friend then you became her friend... After you stared behaving like you are now- You were just a friend of my best friend-" "Dad-" "No, you don't get to call me dad if you are going to be actin' like that because I am so damn tired of you actin' like a child so if yo don't mind get the hell out of our house if you ain't gonna act right," he huffed pushing past her.

"Y/N, tell him something!" "Like what Sarah? What a shitty friend you have been? Or the fact that you basically sabotaged everything good that happened to me?" "No, like that I am his daughter or something like that!" She yelled as he tiredly drug his feet up the stairs. "I'm sorry Sarah, I can't say anything that will change his mind, he has to come to that decision on his own... So just give him time and stop doing stupid shit, now please leave so I can go talk to him," I sighed pointing to the door, "fine whatever, you are always the-" "Stop talkin' if you want to get on anyones good side, I fuckin' mean it," I glared at her, without anymore words or even a look she walked out the door like she was told.

⊹・・──────・・୨୧・・──────・・ ⊹

The last day... This is my last day with him. "Baby?" He yelled from the living room, "yes?" "Can you come and help me?" "Sure?" I laughed at the concern in his voice. "What do you need my help with?" "Nothin' hard or anythin' it's just in the kitchen," "okay, but if you are plannin' on cookin' remember I made reservations-" "Surprise!" He yelled steppin' out of the view of the table. "Joel what is this?" I gasped,

"it's a goin' away gift, you have been treating me so good as you usually do and I felt like I haven't been puttin' in my work unless you count orgasms but I just felt like you needed more from me," "oh baby, I didn't need any of this but thank you so much for this! I love it," I place a deep and passionate kiss on his lips. "Thank you, for the cake, the flowers, the candles, the lightin', and thank you for bein' you Joel... I mean it, I couldn't of asked for a better man than you," I smiled as he took my hand in his. "All right stop being all romantic and go get ready for dinner," he laughed pushin' me away, "yes sir, whatever you say," I playfully shoved him.

⊹・・──────・・୨୧・・──────・・ ⊹

"Home at last," he smiled puttin' the truck in park "thank you for tonight Joel, I had so much fun," "good, I'm glad you did," "I can't wait for the first break back," "I really do wish you didn't take the first month seriously so you can come and visit," "you see, I want to believe that you don't mean that I know you mean that with every bone in your body," I laughed opening the door to the truck.

The feelin' of walkin' into our home is a feelin' I could live off of for the rest of my life. "Thank you for tonight, I know I said that already but I just can't thank you enough," I gave a lazy smile as I linked my arms around his neck "Baby you never have to thank me, I love doin' anythin' for you- You know there is one thing you could do for me," "which is?" "You can kiss me now, I have been waitin' for you to give me one and you have been ignorin' me here," "I literally gave you one before we got off the truck," "yeah but now we are in our house, so I want one now," he looked at me with those faux puppy dog eyes. "You are such a pain in the ass you know that Miller," "I sure do, and you ain't gettin' rid of me either," I rolled my eyes before placin' a sweet kiss on his lips before pullin' away.

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

"You know you are very tempting?" "I know," I smirked as he gripped my chin with a bit of force. "This black dress you are wearing shows off your beautiful curves, I mean the way your breasts just fit so perfectly in that black laced bra you are wearing is just mmm," he softly groaned at the thought. "You drive me insane, I could just bend you over this counter and fuck you senselessly," he rasped, he dropped my chin moving to my hair, making a fist in my messy waves "oh you would like that wouldn't you?" I hummed turning my gaze.

"Oh you know I would love that, having your perfect body in my hands falling apart as I pound into you," he gripped my chin forcing me to look into his eyes. "you are such a brat," "oh and what are you doing to do about it? Spank me?" I playfully scoffed. "I just might baby, bend you over my knee and paint your ass a pretty shade of red," I whimper at the thought of having his hands on me in any way he wants. "Mmm such a pretty mouth," he gripped my jaw with his large hand "thank you," I smirked. "Look at those pleading eyes, what do you want? Say it," He growled, "please fuck me Sir," my voice drippin' with lust. His gaze turned dark as he attached his lips to my body. Sucking and biting "fuck Joel you'll leave hickeys" I moaned, clawing at his broad shoulders.

"That's the point, you. Are. Mine." He groaned through every bite "fuck you taste so good baby" all I could do was moan. So lost in pleasure I failed to realize that his thick fingers have been playin' with my clit "fuck I'm gonna cum fuck-" I was cut off by my own moan "then cum for me, my beautiful girl." With is words of encouragement my back arches against his chest. "Fuck.. yes just like that" I scream as my orgasm took over, as I catch my breath Joel licks his fingers clean "mmm you taste good baby girl" he pulls his fingers out of is mouth and brings them towards mine. "Suck" he commands as a smirk danced on his face, I obey, wrappin' my lips around his thick fingers "good girl" he praised.

"Fuck baby you look so sexy in this dress" he groaned, tracing my curves teasingly over the thin fabric. "oh look at of all my work" he teases while tracing over the recovering hickeys on my chest, toying with the neck of my dress slightly pullin' down, then down to my breast. "No bra? Naughty girl," he tsked. "Strip, leave your panties on for me like a good girl," "yes Sir," I whisper, lost in his piercing gaze. The strings to my dress beggin' to come undone faster then I can move. Untying the cute bow I secured them in, slowly draggin' the dress down, against my body.

"So pretty, all for me?" "Yes Sir, I'm all yours," my voice above a whisper. "Why so quiet now? Hm? You were usin' that pretty mouth so well not that long ago, what happened?" "I-" the words caught in my throat, the look of pure lust written on his face is hypnotizin'. "Come on baby girl use your words for Daddy, be a real good girl for me princess," his voice hoarse.

"Please," "please what baby doll? Want me to touch you? Make you feel good?" "Yes Sir," "what's the magic word?" "Please?" "Such a good girl, always uses her manners. Always so good, I can't wait to ruin you," his smirk never fading as he inched closer to my almost naked body.

His hand made it's way up to my breast, "so pretty, so fuckin' pretty," he groaned pinchin' and rollin' a nipple between his fingers. The whimper that broke free from my throat when the pain of his finger tips crashin' down on my nipple, leavin' a string of pain and pleasure behind in it's wake was pure pornographic. Quick to cover my mouth to stop the moan from fallin' out.

"No baby let me hear how good I make you feel, I want to hear those sexy moans of yours" he whispered against my lips, slipping his hand into my panties. "Please, please, please Sir," I chant like a prayer, "so wet for me already?" He teasingly asked, smiled knowingly. "Only for you, Daddy- shit" I moan as he circled my clit in a perfect motion making me see stars.

"I'm going to cum" I moan quietly "cum for me" he commands, "cum for me, now," his husky voice sending shivers down my spine. "Be my pretty slut, cum on my fingers," "I don't wanna cum yet-" "Don't care, cum," his pace brutal as he sank two thick finger into me. "Good girl, taking my fingers so good," his words corrupt my brain as I release on his fingers. Strugglin' to catch my breath, he wraps his lips around his fingers. "I didn't think dinner could beat how good you taste, open wide for me," he smiles, slidin' his fingers into my mouth.

With a smirk I push him till the backs of his knees hit couch, pushin' him down, straddlin' his thick thighs. "what are you doin' princess?" He questioned raising a brow "nothin' Daddy," I say innocently rocking my hips "fuck baby girl just like that you look so sexy like this," "Joel, you make me feel so good, you haven't even fucked me yet and I'm already a mess for you," I moaned grinding myself on his bulge. "You sound so sexy moaning my name" his breath hitched as I lick a long strip on his neck, sucking softly when I found his sweet spot.

"Fuck baby" he moaned, trappin' hid bottom lip between his teeth, I suck my way down to his exposed collarbones, "off please," "anything you want baby girl," his face lit up with pleasure. "Fuck you are so sexy no wonder why everyone wants you" I groan, holding his gaze. "But you are the only one that can have me" he said with lustful eyes.

I run my hand along his body as I sink between his thick thighs, "look at how hard you are for me, I haven't even takin' you out yet and yet you are still so big," my voice dippin' with lust as I unzip his jeans. "Look at you Joel, god I fuckin' love you," I whisper, tuggin' his boxers along with his rough jeans down. "You okay baby?" He questioned when I stoped to take him in. "Yeah, it's just that you are mine, I have you all to myself," my tone hushed as I run my fingers on the inner sides of his thighs, tracing the nearly healed bruises I marked him with days ago.

"I have always belonged to you, there was never a doubt," he whispered leavin' small strokes on my hair. Watching the way his cock twitched under my gaze, "baby, you just gonna look at me all night?" "I just might Mr. Miller," I smirked, takin' his cock in my hands. I love how responsive he is to my touch. The moan that leaves his chest with a deep rumble sends pure warmth of pride to my chest.

"I love you," I whispered before takin' into my mouth. "I love you, god I love you. Fuck you you treat me so good baby," he groaned lollin' his head. "Joel, look at me," "what?" "Look at me, I want you to watch me while I fuck you with my mouth," I grinned, watching his eyes roll to the back of his head.

"You are so fuckin' good baby girl, god I love your mouth," his hips creatin' their our pace, "just like that, just like that princess- Fuck takin' me so well," his moans bounce off the wall as he fisted my hair, takin' over. His thrust harsh as he chases the warmth of my mouth, "you know, I'm gonna be thinkin' of this night for weeks right? Fistin' my cock till I cum just thinkin' of your pretty fuckin' mouth on me like this. Thinkin' of that tight cunt wrapped around me, takin' me so well- Fuck just like that, look at me- Keep your eyes on me," he rasped, the pace he set is brutal- Fuck I love it.

He pulled me off of his cock with a pop and a thick string of saliva connecting us. "Climb up, my pretty baby," he smiled, pullin' my up by my hair. He placed a soft and passionate kiss on my lips as he pulled my panties to the side.

"Please," I whimpered through the kiss, "please what? You want me to fuck you?" "Yes, please Sir," I cried for him, "such a good girl," he moaned, pulling on my hair forcing out a pleasureful whimper, fuck he's so sexy. Archin' my back, forcin' my breasts into his face "I have missed these," he hummed burring his face in my breasts slowly sliding his cock into me.

"You are so perfect, made just for me. Takin' me so well baby, you are doing so good," he whispered into my shoulder as I just take him and moan. "Shit baby girl, right there," he shuttered into the nape of my neck "god this feels so perfect, you are mine." He whispered into my ear.

"I'm all yours, you can be the only one who can destroy me," I gasp when he shifted into a deeper position. "No one else can fuck you, or even touch you... All mine." "Oh fuck, Joel just like that please, I'm so close," I begged as he started thrusting up into me.

My orgasm over took me as he set a brutal pace, chasin' his own high. I clenched tightly around him as the pleasure began to feel painfully good. "Fuck Joel," I cry, my eyes makin' their way to the back of my head. "Cum in me, I want you so deep in me Joel," I moaned, my legs shaking from the pleasure I'm endurin', "all mine," he groaned.

"Shit baby girl you will make me cum-fuck!" He moaned with a shaky voice and with one last thrust he shot his hot and thick cum into me."Yes just like that baby, doin' so good for me- Fuck yes- Oh my god Darlin'," he moaned with a shaky breath.

"Please Joel, show me how good I make you feel," I rasp pullin' him impossibly closer. "You are so perfect, my princess, my everything- Shit I'm so close baby," his voice hoarse as his movements faltered.

With one last powerful thrust he shot thick ropes of his hot cum deep in me. I felt his thighs shaking beneath me, "you okay Joel?" I questioned as his moans went silent. "I'm doin' just fine Darlin', how about we take a nice long bath hm?" "I would love that very much, carry me?" "'Course baby, I want to keep some of me inside of you as long as I can, I don't need you drippin' me everywhere now do I?" "You were doin' so good Joel, then you have to say shit like that," I playfully shove his shoulder. After our long bath we both decided that is was best to stay in bed all night

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

He's watching a silly movie that was on tv, a movie that I stoped paying attention to a long time ago, he laughed as he raked his long fingers through his hair. I can't even take my eyes off of him, "what?" He asked with his smile that melts my heart.

"How did I get so lucky to be here, with you?" "No, it's the other way around," he playfully scoffed leanin' in for a kiss, "you look so perfect in this lighting" he smiled, playin' with my hair. "See that is where you are wrong," I smiled, grabbing my old Polaroid I rolled onto his lap. "I love you in this lightin'," I giggled, takin' a picture.

"See you look even better in this lightin',' I planted a swift kiss on his lips climbin' off his lap, "come lay down with me," I whispered pulling him close to my chest. "This feels nice," he sighed wrappin' his arms around my waist as he lays between my legs "this does," I matched his low tone, playin' with his hair. Sleep over took us and we stayed in our own little world for a bit longer that night.

⊹・・──────・・୨୧・・──────・・ ⊹

1 Month Later

"So where are you going for the extended weekend?" "To my boyfriends, what about you?" I asked while packin' my book bag. "To my mom's- You are going to see your man and you are taking your books?" "What? We have an exam next week," I laughed, "yeah on Thursday, okay so is he coming to pick you up or?" "No, I was hopin' to surprise him at home because he should be gettin' back from lunch by now," I say checkin' my watch.

A soft knock echoed through our quiet dorm, "can you get that? I know Nancy was bringing' everyone 'see you soon' cookies," "yeah, I got it," she said hoppin' off her bed. "Tell her I want 2!" I softly yell as she opened the door, "okay but it's not Nancy- It's for you," "what do you mean?" I questioned as she pushed open the door. "Joel! You made it!" I yelled hoppin' in his arms, "'course I made it, I told you I would be here and here I am," he laughed spinnin' me around.

"How? You're supposed to be at work right now," "I got off early- Well technically I requested it weeks ago but still," "but I wanted to surprise you!" I gave a fax pout and a playful push. "And I wanted to do the same... So I win," "oh shut up Miller," I laughed, placin' a kiss on his lips.

"Careful she has books and she just might hit you with them," she chuckled "the sad thing is that she already has-" "Oh shut up, Eva this is Joel, Joel this is Eva my roommate," "it's nice to meet the man she has been talking about," "yeah iand it's nice to meet the girl she will not shut up about- I mean it's like she loves you more than me," he laughed.

"Well I think she loves those books more than us- We might be out numbered," they laughed. "Both of you shut up, I want to go home y'all are mean," I giggled, "okay let's get you home, hm?" "Bye Eva, see you Sunday," "yeah you two have fun- Not to much fun," she eyed me "yeah, yeah, bye," I shushed trappin' her in a tight hug.

Hoppin' in his truck as he put my bags in the back, "stop," "what?" "Stop stearin'," "I'm not," "I can feel you lookin' at me Darlin'," "I am allowed to look," "then so am I," he chuckled and he shut his door. "So how's Sarah?" "She's good, she uh- She got into a good rehab place," "it got that bad?" "Yeah, nut she's workin' on herself so there's that," "that's good Joel," "yeah, now let's get you home," "yes Sir," I smiled, placin' my hand in his.

And they lived happily every after

The End

(I know this isn't the best but it'll be fine ig lol)

[bonbonchocolates]

Revenge

Yandere Jungkook x Reader ft. Namjoon

Summary: When he decides to avenge his brother.........

Warnings: yandere jungkook, kidnapping, mentions of s**cide, torturing, non-con, smut (not descriptive), mentions of bullying, death of major characters

A/N: Again originally from my Wattpad account. I hope you like it and if you do please leave a like.

Masterlist

____________________________________________

Y/N POV:

I was walking back home from school with my friends when I heard someone calling my name. I turned around to find my neighbour, Namjoon standing there.

"Can I talk to you?"

I looked at him in confusion. Why does wants to talk to me? Did I do something wrong?

"I-I p-romise I w-wont waste your time."

He shuttered and looked everywhere except at me. Maybe he thought I was thinking something else.

"You can."

As the words left my mouth, a beautiful smile made its way to Namjoon's. This is my first time seeing him smile. He should smile like this more often.

"Y/N I wanted to let you know that I like you very much. The first time I saw you I fell in love with you. You are perfect in every aspect. I wanted to confess my feelings a long time ago but didn't have that courage. Will you be my girlfriend? I understand if you don't feel the same."

As soon as the words left his mouth my heartbeat increased. I have had a small crush on him for months. I didn't think he would like me as I am a lot younger than him.

"Namjoon I-"

Before I could say anything I heard my friends laughing. Whats so funny that made them laugh?

"What a nice joke?"

Lia said and continued laughing. I looked at my friends with confusion written all over my face.

"How can you expect her to be your girlfriend?"

Yubin said mocking Namjoon. I got an idea about what they are trying to do to him. I need to stop them.

"Y/N has everything, looks, money and most importantly brains and look at you, good for nothing. How can you think Y/N will be the girlfriend of someone so ugly and poor? There are many boys who have a crush on Y/N and are better than you. So you better get lost, you already wasted so much of our time."

I silently watched Hyejin insulting Namjoon and I could do nothing. If I take Namjoon's side they will turn against me and bully me in the school and I don't want that. But I need to protect Namjoon from them.

"Guys let's go."

I said so that they leave Namjoon alone and luckily it worked. With a last glance at him I started to walk towards home with my friends following me. I felt bad for Namjoon. He didn't deserve that, I better apologise to him tomorrow when my friends are not lingering around.

____________________________________________

Namjoon's POV:

I cried silently while looking at the disappearing figure of Y/N. This is the first time in love when I fell in love with someone. I regretted my decision to confess my feelings.

I really felt humiliated. If she doesn't like me then she could politely say it. What was the need of all this? I was hurt at her friends insults. They were right how can I girl like Y/N like me?

But the thing that hurt me the most was Y/N watching her friends humiliating me while doing nothing. I thought she was different from others but guess what she is the same.

____________________________________________

Author's POV:

You went to Namjoon's house the next day and didn't find him there so you returned back home. You were getting impatient to apologise to him. You everyday visited his house but he was never at home.

A month passed this way and like everyday you visited Namjoon's home today. You found the door locked from outside. Where is Namjoon? Just then you saw the old lady who was the owner of the house Namjoon stayed in coming downstairs.

"Ajumma"

You called her grabbing attention. She looked towards you with a smile on her face.

"Yes my daughter."

"Can I ask you where Namjoon is?"

As soon as she heard his name her smile disappeared. There was a sad expression on her face. You wonder why?

"Poor child committed suicide almost three three weeks ago. He-"

The ground beneath you slipped from your feet as soon as you heard her words. Namjoon committed suicide but why?

"You are lying right? NAMJOON IS NOT DEAD."

You yelled at her, not caring about anything. She is lying, Namjoon is not dead, he can't be. As much as you know him he'll never do something like that.

"Calm down, calm down my daughter."

(A/N: Grandma Hobi 😂)

____________________________________________

4 Years Later:

You were walking to the nearby convenience store as you ran out of food supplies. It was late night so you decided it would be better if you just grab a packet of ramen for dinner.

These four years have been really tough for you. Moving over Namjoon was hard. You felt like it was all because of you, Namjoon died. After losing him you realised that you didn't have a crush on him but you loved him. You left your friends when you heard that they bullied him at your absence. You even left your family because-

Just then you felt footsteps behind you. You turned back and found no one there. You continued walking when you felt someone pressing a cloth over your face. You stared to feel dizzy and soon unconsciousness greeted you.

____________________________________________

When you woke up you found yourself in a dark room. Your hands were tied to the headboard of the bed, you laid in. You tried to free yourself but it was of no luck. Soon you heard the sound of the door opening.

A handsome and well built man entered in. He was glaring at you like he'll kill you anytime. His entire presence screamed danger. You were literally shivering just from his mere presence. You had no idea what he is about to do to you.

"You're awake, good. Now the fun will begin."

What fun is he talking about? What is he going to do to you? You saw him going towards the cupboard. He soon grabbed something and came towards you. The thing which he had looked like a whip. You were completely terrified after seeing that.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing much just getting my Hyung's revenge."

Revenge- what?

"Plea-"

Before you could say anything he whipped you. You cried out in pain. You didn't get the time to even breath properly when he whipped you again. You wanted to run from there but couldn't because both your hands and legs were tied.

This way he whipped you many times. You are now a crying mess. You sreamed at him to let you go but he didn't listen and enjoyed seeing you in pain.

"I want to kill you right now but first I should put your hot body to a better use."

After two hours of continuous rape, you were tired. He was too rough on you, he showed no mercy. You whole body was covered with bruises and cuts. You lower region was bleeding. You had no idea what you did for him to treat you this way.

"It's time for you to say goodbye to the world."

He said with a sickening smile. He put a wire around your neck and started chocking you. You started struggling against his hold. Soon he found you stopped breathing. He smiled in victory. He was finally happy to take his Hyung's revenge. Now his Hyung's soul can rest in peace.

____________________________________________

Jungkook's POV:

After killing Y/N, I got rid of her dead body. I made sure that no one will have any idea about her disappearance. This was even more easy as I know Y/N lives alone and has no friends. So the chances of people looking for her is negligible.

I bought a bouquet of white rose which was Hyung's favourite. I smiled at the memory of him, now he can finally rest in peace as I got rid of the girl because of whom he died. I decided to pay his grave a visit.

As soon as I arrived at the graveyard, I went towards Hyung's grave and placed the bouquet of flowers and sat down right there.

"How are you Hyung? I hope you are good there. I finally got your revenge. I am sure you will be proud of your little brother."

After that I headed to Y/N's home. I have no idea why I want to go there. As soon I arrived there, I felt a ting of pain in my heart. I don't know why I regret killing her. I feel like I have done something wrong.

The house was totally empty like I expected. There was a sense of loneliness in the house. I explored the house in search of something valuable. I know she is from a rich family. My financial situation is not good these days so if I find something here I can sell and earn some money.

Although this was not my intention to come here, but if I came here I should put this opportunity to a good use. Even if I don't find anything valuable I can stay here. So that I will not have to live in that old warehouse anymore.

I went to her bedroom and went towards the cupboard. I'm sure I may find something valuable there. I opened the cupboard and found a locker inside. It had a password system to unlock it. How am I supposed to open it?

I touched the locker and it opened itself. That means it was unlocked. How can this girl be so stupid? I opened it in hope to find something expensive but all my hope went to vain when I saw nothing except a small diary kept there. I took it out and opened it.

June 21

A new neighbour moved in the house right opposite to ours yesterday. I never write about new neighbours in my diary but guess what he is special. He is so handsome. I think I have a crush on him.

June 30

Kim Namjoon, yes that's the name of the hot neighbour. I now really want to be Mrs. Kim Y/N. Oh God what am I even writing? If my parents or brother sees this they are surely gonna kill me.

July 13

Namjoon Oppa looked at me. I'm so happy this is the first time he looked at me. I can't express my happiness in words.

September 1

I really want to confess my feelings to Namjoon but I'm not confident enough. I'm sure he'll not feel the same.

October 13

Today Namjoon Oppa confessed to me and asked me to become his girlfriend. I was on cloud nine when he said that. I never expected him to feel the same for me. I wanted to say yes. But guess what I was not able to say anything. My friends insulted him and I just stood there and watched it. I'm such a bad person. I'll try to apologise him on my friends behalf tomorrow.

October 19

For so many days I'm am trying to apologise to Namjoon Oppa but he is never at home. It's been almost a week since I didn't see him. I just hope he is okay.

December 4

I went in search of Namjoon Oppa but got to know that he committed suicide. I can't believe that he is no longer with us. So badly I want it to be a nightmare but sadly it's not. I have no idea why he took such a big step. Is it because of me? If it's because of me I'll never be able to forgive myself.

December 30

Today I got to know that my so called friends bullied Namjoon behind my back and I had no idea. So I broke our friendship. I also got to know that Namjoon didn't committe suicide but he was murdered. Yes, he was murdered and the killer is none other than my own elder brother. I trusted him with my life and he killed the person I loved. I hate my brother and I want Namjoon to get his revenge. But I can't do anything because I don't have any proof against him and even if I had he would easily get out of prison. Even my parents supported him. How helpless I am?

I broke down after reading the diary. The diary fell from my hand. What did I do? I killed my love.

_________________________________________

Flashback:

There is a girl whom I have a crush on. Her name is Y/N but I'm afraid to confess to her because I fear she will reject me. So I watched her from afar.

I transferred to a high school in another city and lost connections with her. I then got to know that Namjoon Hyung likes a girl and it was none other than Y/N. After hearing that I was a bit sad because she was my crush first but was happy for my Hyung.

Then I got to know about Namjoon Hyung's death and got the letter where he wrote about Y/N and her friends humiliating him when he confessed to her. So I assumed that she was the reason why my Hyung committed suicide and decided to take revenge from her.

End of Flashback

_________________________________________

It took years to find her out. I was so happy to find her so that I can finally take Hyung's revenge. I didn't want to kill her because I still loved her but was blinded by revenge.

I wanted to take Hyung's revenge so badly that I killed Y/N. When she was innocent. It was actually her brother who killed my Hyung not her.

I don't deserve to live after killing an innocent person. I wiped my tears and went towards the window which was wide open. Without wasting time I jumped from there.

The last thing I saw was people gathering around me before I closed my eyes forever.

____________________________________________

[hugmeimtouchdeprived]

Ghost! Johnny "Soap" MacTavish x fem!reader - Chapter 2

Chapter 2!!! I'm busy with school and assignments and looking for a summer job and starting my final thesis, but I write when I have time and energy to do so😊

Let's ignore the fact that I posted this a few hours ago, but deleted it because I came up with something that I really wanted to change so I'm posting it again now

Content warning: Talk of possible stalking and breaking in (not really what's happening, but it's mentioned?), mention of blood.

Original drabble | Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

“Come on, what else could it be?”

“I’m not being haunted, Donna,” you groan, rubbing the bridge of your nose between two fingers. You glance around the small café, fairly empty of other patrons at this time of the day. The two of you sit next to the large windows, watching as people walk and drive by. It’s a weekday, middle of the day, so most people are likely still at school or work.

Donna is an old family friend. Used to be your neighbour when you were a kid and would often babysit you if your parents couldn’t find another babysitter. The two of you grew close until she got married and moved to the states briefly, before returning with her wife. It’s rare the two of you get time to see each other, but it’s always nice when you do.

You swear she hasn’t changed a bit since you were a kid. She’s in her early 50s, you’d guess, and still just as full of energy as she was all those years ago. Her wife is a bit of a mystery to you, but you know she travels a lot for work.

And that Donna loves her more than anything.

“What else could it be?” Donna repeats for the hundredth time. “You’re being followed by something; we both know it,” she insists. Donna has always been fairly enthusiastic, or at least interested in, the afterlife and ghosts and whatnot. You, not so much. Sure, it is intriguing, what happens after death and all the different views on the subject, if ghosts and spirits exist. Intriguing, but not very believable in your mind.

“You know, there was that terrorist attack in that tunnel a few months ago. A lot of people died there, I heard there was a soldier that passed, too,” she continues, her tone more serious now.

Donna always seems to know things. Sure, the attack, its casualties, have been public knowledge, at least some part of it. But Donna always seems to have more information than even the news do. You always joke she must have someone on the inside of all these things. “Something like that,” she’d respond.

You told her about everything as a joke, to try and ease your own nerves. She ended up taking it way more seriously than you would have anticipated. Maybe you should have predicted that, in hindsight, but at least she doesn’t seem to think you’ve lost your mind.

And sure, you promised yourself you wouldn’t talk about it to anyone, that you’d just go on with your merry life and ignore it, assume it’s a figment of your imagination. But you trust Donna, you wouldn’t be surprised if she knows you better than your parents do. Probably better than you do, if you’re being honest. And things really are getting out of hand with your ghostly friend. Roommate, squatter, stalker, whatever. You’re not sure what to call him, but it’s all too real to really keep ignoring it.

He’s in your goddamn home, your sanctuary, your safe space. Where you haven’t yet allowed even some of your friends to visit, you’re not sure if your coworkers even really know where you live. And this- this thing has invaded it, made himself right at home. Begging, yelling at him to leave you alone, to leave your home at once. The train station and the bookstore were manageable, at least. This? No. No way. This is your home, your apartment. It’s yours! You live alone and you quite like that, thank you very much.

You swear you see the shadow shake and shift, as if trying to hold in his laughter. He does seem to give you more space after that, though; instead of standing right next to or behind you, he stands in doorways, corners of rooms. That’s something, you guess.

And that’s the other thing. He’s so human, you often mistake him for an actual person standing in the corner of your room. It’s like having an extra clingy roommate, following you around the apartment. At least you can shower and change your clothes in peace. (That’s what you think. He’s not snooping or being creepy, of course not! He’s just lonely, needs the comfort of being with someone.)

It’s almost freaky how used to it you’ve gotten. It has been, what, a few months? You know by now that he, whoever he is, isn’t going to be leaving anytime soon.

The shadow in the corner of your eye no longer freaks you out nearly as much. You still don’t know who he is, or was, why he’s here and with you of all people, but you accept it. Not that you’d have a choice in the matter, anyway.

You watch movies with him. You see him next to you on your couch, almost feel his weight on the cushions, as if sitting next to a real, living person. Somehow, you can just tell when you’ve picked something he likes. The air around you feels different, more relaxed. He looks like he’s leaning forward in his seat, sitting on the edge of the couch when the movie gets exciting or interesting. You hear him laugh, not even the airy sound it was before, but an almost proper one.

He audibly groans if you pick something he doesn’t like. Might even throw a pillow on the floor or keeps turning the tv off. You’ll either scold him and keep attempting to turn it back on until he gets bored and gives up, or you’ll give up first and put on something he might like more. Problem is, you’re both stubborn beings, and might “argue” over the movie for a long time.

During horror movies you find yourself leaning towards him, looking for that feeling of safety he provides. It always takes you a moment to realize you can’t curl into his side, with his arm around you, like you would if he was physically there.

As more time goes by, you see more of him. He becomes more refined, quite literally. Going from a shadow in the corner of your eye, disappearing the moment you try to look at it, to what you’re sure is a human man. You can’t exactly see the details of his features, his face, but there are some things that are certain.

He's tall. Taller than you, at least. Muscular, too, by the looks of it, and wearing some sort of gear. Military, maybe? Donna did mention hearing of some soldier who died in those tunnels some months ago. Or maybe you’re being haunted by some terrorist who has taken a liking to you. You sincerely hope it’s the first one, though.

And then there’s the very obvious gunshot wound to his temple, oozing blood down the side of his face and neck. It drips down his chin and vanishes before hitting the floor. It’s more visible in darkness, or in the light of the moon and stars. You do your best to ignore it, there’ll be time to ask about it later. Surely not a subject he’d be very open to discuss or reminisce over.

At some point, it starts to feel nice to have some company over, even if it means you get little to no privacy. His presence makes you feel safer, in a way. You’re not sure if he could do much if someone was to break into your apartment or harass you at work or while running errands, or if he even would do anything to help you, but it still feels almost like having a guard dog. A dog that no one else can even see, unless he wants to be seen.

That’s what you think, at least. You see him because he wants you to. There’s not much concrete evidence of how ghosts really work, so you’re mostly going on what you’ve read about the subject and different cultures, and your own gut instinct.

You know your ghost can talk, too. A little bit, at least, not quite full sentences. You’ve heard what you swear was a laugh, a groan, mumbled words. He’s getting stronger, and you’re certain he will answer your questions, eventually. You’ll be patient.

One evening, you ask for his name while getting ready for bed in the bathroom. You see his hulking figure behind you in the mirror, dark shadow almost looking like he’s leaning against the wall. Not that you were expecting any response, but it’s still disappointing to not get one. The bar of soap at your sink gets tossed to the floor. “It was just a question, you know. No need to start throwing stuff around if you don’t want to answer,” you mumble as you pick it up. It’s back on the floor as soon as you turn your back to toss your clothes in the laundry basket.

You wake up feeling cold that night. Glancing at the clock, it’s barely past midnight. You close your eyes, wanting to go back to sleep; having an early morning tomorrow, you want to at least try to get a proper night of sleep.

Something’s wrong, though. It takes you a while to realize what exactly that is. It’s cold, unusually so even under your thick duvet. A weight behind you in bed as you lie on her side. An arm around your waist, weighing you down. Someone’s cold, hard chest pressed against your back.

This is a dream. A fucking nightmare. It must be.

Feeling the weight shift behind you, a cold breath of air at the back of your neck, wakes you up rather quickly. The panic settles in slow, creeping up as you process the situation, eyes wide open.

You squeeze your eyes shut, considering your options. You could tear that arm off you and make a run for it. Scream as you go, get the attention of your neighbours; the middle-aged lady whose name you haven’t bothered to learn, who is always so quick to blame you for any and every sound she hears. Or you could just go back to sleep, ignore your problems until the morning, or until the person behind you decides to do something. Just- just ignore it until then.

Or you could turn around and see who it is.

What if they’re not even asleep? Watching, waiting for you to react?

You try to rationalize it, you always do. Always have a plan, always prepared for anything.

Not this, though.

How the hell could anyone ever be prepared for waking up to something like this?

You try to move, to slide out of bed, moving so slow the person behind you wouldn’t notice if they’re truly asleep. Their grip only tightens around your waist, stilling your movement. You hold your breath.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?!

What’s a person supposed to do here, in a situation like this? You’ve heard enough horror stories – stories from real life, real people, not mere fiction – about how these things usually end. A woman living alone, someone forcing entry to their home after weeks, or even months of stalking them, getting to know their schedule, their workplace, their life. Every option, every possible action you could take has its risks, and your mind in running a million miles per hour.

You decide to turn, the pure fear getting to you. Fear of simply not knowing who this person is, why or how they’re here, in your home. In your bed.

You turn, moving slowly and carefully again, to face whoever is in the bed with you. Your heart pounds in your chest, the fear and anxiety or what or who you’ll see terrifying you to your very core.

There’s nothing there. In the dark room, you only see the moonlight peeking through the blinds, not doing much to light your room.

There’s nothing there.

Your eyes close and you take a deep breath, telling yourself it was some fucked up dream that just felt too real. You have been stressed out lately, more so than usual, so it's not that out of the question that it would start affecting you in different ways.

You promptly choose to ignore the still cold to the touch indentation on the mattress beside you.

You don’t even notice the now familiar eyes watching you from the corner of your bedroom.

Thank you so much for reading! Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated!🌷

Also, I've been very busy and stressed recently, mostly with uni and assignments and starting my final thesis. I've found writing this to be sort of relaxing, like a way to get my mind off of things when it gets too much and my brain turns to mush. :)

[wannaeatramyeon]

Gun Park x Reader: this is our place (we make the rules)

Chapter 7 - Probably should read ch1 first

Gun has a new neighbour. Index: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Epilogue

“Who is that? She is cute!” 

Goo remembers you. Of course Goo remembers you, he finds it hard to forget a pretty face.

You though. You’re something else.

The first time you flipped Gun off, he thought 'Oh well. Just Gun being Gun and pissing one night stands off.'

After the second time, and each time after that? He thought you were absolutely delightful. Especially when he glanced over at Gun’s reaction and he snorted everytime, rather than outright ignoring you like he usually does with his bed partners.

You must be special.

“No one.”

Goo feels his own anger simmering below the surface, “Liar. You’re lying to me.” 

He jabs Gun in the arm who takes no notice, learning early on that it’s better to ignore the blonde rather than get pulled into his mercurial moods.

Hmph. Gun is being tricky. No one has stuck around for this long. He doesn’t even let anyone stick around for seconds.

But today? Months on? Instead of flipping Gun off, you give him a little wave and a bright smile. Clearly, something has changed. What is that bastard hiding?

“Well, if she’s no one to you,” Goo checks out his reflection in a store window and adjusts his tie, “then maybe I can be someone to her.”

Gun takes a long drag on his cigarette, “Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“I can do her-”

“Stop.”

Gun is being tricky and protective. How exciting.

.

.

“Why the fuck are you here?” Gun storms up to the figure lurking outside the building, their glasses glinting in the sunlight as they tilt their head back and survey the apartments above.

“Is that any way to greet your partner?” Goo flashes a greasy smile, “Just checking out the building. Thought about investing. Diverge my portfolio blah blah blah.”

“Then invest elsewhere. I don’t want to see you any more than I have to.”

“Ouch! Going right for the jugular!” Goo clasps his hand around his neck and pouts.

Damn, guess he would have to cut this short now that Gun is here to ruin his fun.

Just as Goo is about to slink away, he hears a voice. Someone who sounds far too happy to see that black-eyed demon.

“Hi Gun!”

Ah. There you are. 

Goo whirls around in time to see Gun giving you a small nod, and you tilting your head in confusion at his odd demeanour.

My my, you really are cute.

“Goo Kim,” The aforementioned sidles up next to Gun, thrusting his hand out to you and grinning, “I’m Gun’s boss… and friend.”

Gun gives Goo a furious look which does nothing to wipe the smile off his face.

“Hi, I’m Y/N. I’m just a neighbour,” you take his hand and give it a quick shake.

“And what an adorable neighbour too! It must be a nightmare living next to Gun,”

“Ah he’s not so bad.” You flap your hand, giggling nervously and eyes darting over to Gun who seems like he's about to strangle him.

“Well that must be because you’re an angel! I work with the guy and it’s like hell every day. I-”

“Goo.” Gun gives him a sharp look but Goo presses on.

“Say, do you have a boyfriend?” 

The change in conversation gives you whiplash. Alarm bells going off in your head as you veer into dangerous territory.

“No…”

With a predatory smile, “Then how about a date, sweetheart?”

Time slows down as soon as the words leave his mouth.

Gun clenches his fist, but doing little else to show his rage. It’s nothing to do with him who you choose to see or bed (and he disregards his stomach lurching at the thought of your body pressed against someone else‘s). 

Still. How dare Goo ask you that. How dare Goo even utter those words. It’s true some people find Goo Kim charming yet Gun feels sick at the thought that you could be one of those people.

His eyes darken behind the shades as he looks at you, searching your face for an answer.

Your eyes flicker over to Gun, finding his face neutral. 

And you swallow down the lump in your throat.

You and Gun are not anything. Spending enough time together just to cross the threshold into acquaintances. Barely even friends. Just a peculiar song and dance barely held together at the seams.

Though. If you say yes to Goo (who really is very attractive in his own right), you’re not sure if Gun would share those strangely intimate moments with you anymore. The little smiles where it reaches his eyes.

It would be an unbearable loss if it were to stop.

“You’re not my type,” you drop your head and avoid looking at anyone. 

Time speeds back up again.

“Me?” Goo blinks owlishly, adjusting his glasses to get a better look at you, “I’m everyone’s type!”

“Sorry!” you sidestep him to take the coward’s way out, “I- I gotta go!” and break into a full sprint to somewhere. Anywhere.

Goo watches you, clutching his heart, “She sure knows how to treat them mean and keep them keen. I think I’m in love.”

Gun feels like he can breathe again.

.

.

Gun is a light sleeper. 

You can’t be anything but in his line of work. Catching catnaps where you can and even then you sleep with one eye open.

The doorbell rings. Electronic chime echoing through his apartment, high and piercing as Gun jerks awake on the sofa.

He isn’t expecting visitors this time of night.

“Did I wake you?”

“Yes.”

“Oh…”

Gun takes one look at you, blanket wrapped around your shoulder, teary eyes, and lets you in anyway.

There must be something severely wrong with you to seek out Gun Park for comfort.

Not just wrong with you emotionally, but mentally too. Who looks at Gun and thinks, yes. This guy. This is who will comfort me.

Sure, he can do a lot of other things to you. But consoling is well outside his skillset.

He’s all jagged edges, where if you look at him wrong once, those edges will slit your throat without a second thought.

Maybe, Gun wonders, rummaging through his kitchen cupboard, that there is something wrong with how he is around you. 

Here it is.

Fingers grip around a dusty box and he pulls. Retrieving it after being shoved into a dark corner for who knows how long.

He eyes the expiration date, having gone off close to a year ago and shrugs.

(“Housewarming,” Kouji passed over the box of instant hot chocolate powder, as Gun’s brow furrows at the odd 'gift', “I stole it.”)

Passing you a mug of steaming hot chocolate, that Gun is a little relieved to see smells and looks fine, you cradle it in your hands.

“Sorry,” you mumble, “for waking you up.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

A pause. Then like an elastic band snapping, the words spill forth.All your worries and stress.

The cause of your sleepless night.

You apologise again for waking him up, talking about your lack of close friends that you can share any burden with. Ramble about the anxiety with your university course and pressure to succeed.

And the guilt. Because you don’t actually need to succeed anymore with your inheritance. The friends you previously were sort of close to casting you aside once they realised, and you weren’t happy to cough up to be their meal ticket.

The family you never really had, the grandmother you never had a chance to grow close to. How this pile of gold you now sit on does little to erase your trauma and issues.

Gun listens and listens and listens. 

Drawing from an unending well of patience when it comes to you. Watches you pause, bringing the hot chocolate to your lips and sipping. He looks at your hands, cupped around the mug and wants to hold it.

Intertwine his fingers with yours, run his thumbs over your knuckles, hold it against his lips and kiss it.

The seconds and minutes pass by.

Your words dwindle and the silence this time is calm. 

A long exhale escapes your mouth. A weight, lifted.

All Gun can bring himself to do is give you a few awkward pats on your hand.

Laughter bubbles out. The thought of the stoic and cool man sitting besides you attempting to offer a show of support with such stilted awkwardness throws any of your melancholy out of the window.

“You’re really funny, you know that, right?”

“Funny?” Gun repeats that word as if its an alien language.

Gun, in his mismatched set of clothes that you know still costs more than the average monthly salary. A god awful leopard print top that he somehow pulls off and track pants.

Hair not coiffed to his usual standard. Not even in a sexy bed head way. Just.. cute. And messy. Sticking up at all angles. Like a cat that got up on the wrong side of the bed.

You return his awkward pat by squeezing his knee and he jumps.

“Yeah, funny.”

.

.

Goo takes one look at the bags under Gun’s eyes and cackles.

“Good night?”

“...”

With a special someone?”

“...”

“With your neighbour?”

“No.”

That gets a response and Goo just grins harder.

“Oh my,” he chirps right into Gun’s ear, “Is our little Gun getting soft?”

[virtual-winter]

Frozen memories #002

My Frozen story - Part 2

"But, isn't that just a kids movie about some reindeer?"

My dear mother had no idea what her 22-year-old son was getting into on November 20th 2014 😅 Following my introduction to Frozen via ABC's Once upon a time-series, I was eager to find out what all the fuzz about the original movie was about.

I still lived at home at the time (in the countryside) and I had asked my parents to see if the movie was available at the local library. I can’t remember if I watched it the same day I got it or not. Probably a few days later (on my old Philips not-even-full-HD monitor 😅).

Prior to watching it, I had learned a few things about the plot and it sounded unlike any other movie I had previously seen. In addition to that, I had watched the Let it go-scene which was very captivating and I was very much in love with the song and the animation!

My original Swedish copy of Frozen

Seeing the movie for the first time was a bit of an otherworldly experience. I’m not sure how to describe it. I think everything about the characters, the story and the setting just clicked for me. Even though I don’t even have a sibling, I was awestruck and very touched by the tragic story of Anna and Elsa. And the theme of isolation and feeling of being an outcast was something I could relate to, always having been the introverted quiet one with very niche interests. I think I saw a lot more of me in Elsa than I even realised at the time. I think I watched the movie three times in just a couple of days.

From the first day of experiencing it “properly”, I was very much in love with Anna and Elsa and their world of Arendelle, which seemed so familia to me, being from Norway's neighbour Sweden and having experienced the wilderness of this real-life Disney-like nation just around the corner. I still vividly remembered going there on vacation some 8 years earlier. So, it wasn’t just the characters and the story that made it feel like it was “my movie”. The landscape, the art, the culture and the folklore (trolls) also felt so close to home!

Sisterly love

Midsommarstång

Scandinavian trolls

Old Norse revival architecture

I had not expected to get pulled into a fandom the way I was because I usually never do and this is still true till this day - I haven't found anything else that I enjoy as much as Frozen. But this movie was just… I couldn’t get it out of my head! All the songs were so incredibly catchy! I think I spent most of winter 2014/15 just replaying them constantly in my head (and on my phone). I also couldn’t get rid of the feeling of how incredible it would be to get to see Anna and Elsa in real life. I guess this was really the first time I got to experience something like this 😊

And so, my journey into the Frozenverse had begun. I was thrilled when I learned there was a new Frozen short film coming out in 2015 (along with some Cinderella remake that I wasn’t really interested in) and I even brought my mother with me to see it in theatres. She had no clue at this time what Frozen was! She probably liked Cinderella better but I was a blessed Frozen fan! Funny enough, it was my mother who told me Disney had just announced they were gonna make a Frozen II…

I’ll cover my continued journey through the Frozen fandom in part 3.

See ya soon!

[punchdrunkdoc]

Part 3, Chapter 6

Summary: After the events of S3, Matt Murdock is trying to once again balance life as a lawyer and a vigilante. But he’s been scarred by loss and betrayal - will a mysterious new neighbour help him heal? Or will her secrets drag him back into the darkness?

Notes: This is a slow burn romance with an original female character, told in 3 (maybe 4??) parts. There is mystery, intrigue, action/violence and angst - all the good stuff!

Also available on AO3 and Wattpad

Masterlist

Reference pics

————–

PART 3

Chapter 6

Matt paused, his hand frozen in the act of turning the key to open his mailbox, as a deep, gruff voice filled the lobby.

“You see this woman?”

The words were heavily accented in Russian, and the tone was far from friendly. Matt stretched out his senses, and received the impression of a large man, dressed in jeans and a leather jacket. He was standing in front of Mrs. Schneider’s apartment, holding up a photograph.

Matt could easily guess who’s picture was on it:

Calina.

Mrs Schneider peeked out from behind her heavy door and shook her head.

“You sure?” the man barked.

“Est tut mir leid,” came the hesitant, confused reply.

Matt pocketed his keys and turned around. “She doesn’t speak English.”

The Russian man glanced at him over his shoulder. He took in the tinted glasses and the white cane and dismissed Matt without a second look. He just moved on to the next apartment and rapped on the door with his meaty fist.

Matt approached him from behind. The scent of gun oil and sweat filled his nose, along with a subtler, damp musty odor that reminded Matt of old, wet carpet. “Who are you looking for?” Matt asked.

The man looked at him again, the sneer on his face obvious even to Matt. “My sister,” he spat out. “Her name Calina Balashova. She live here. Now she missing.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Matt replied. He fidgeted with the stick in his hands, trying to tamp down the impulse to beat the other man so severely that he’d forget all about Calina and the other Widows. Instead, he plastered a sympathetic smile on his face as he offered his help. “If you leave the photo with me, I’ll make sure to pass it around to the other residents. We have a message board for these types of things.”

Matt held out his hand. The man glared at him in response, and Matt could hear him grind his teeth in annoyance. But Matt held his ground. He wanted this intruder out of the building. The less he could discover about Calina and her activities while she lived here - and the people she socialised with - the better.

The man looked at the door in front of him, still closed after no one responded to his aggressive knocking. He tilted his head to look up the stairs to the several floors above, and Matt could almost see the calculation in his eyes: try more apartments, or give in for now?

He gave in. He shoved the photograph at Matt and stomped passed him.

“How should I contact you if I hear anything?” Matt called out.

The man slowed, but didn’t turn around. “I’ll be back,” he replied, the words sounding like a threat. Then he headed out of the building.

“Not so fast, you Terminator-wannabe,” Matt muttered under his breath. He turned and ran for the stairs, ignoring Mrs. Schneider’s startled gasp. He folded his cane and shoved it into his jacket pocket while he shot up the steps. Within minutes he’d reached the rooftop access door. He slammed through it and raced to the edge of the building, scanning the air for traces of gun oil and mildew.

There.

Matt zeroed in on the scent trail. The Russian was still on the street, heading east. Matt backed up, then took a running jump to reach the next building over. He followed his prey from the rooftops, curious to find out where he was based.

And eager to find someway to help Calina.

He was getting sick of sitting on his hands while she was out there in danger.

It was time to act.

———

Calina was lost in a day dream.

It was another new experience.

She’d never had the luxury of indulging in fantasy before. There’d never been time to get lost in thought back in the Red Room - every moment of her life was spent either training or out on mission.

And her thoughts had never really been her own back then anyway.

Even once she’d been liberated from the serum - and had all the time in the world - her imagination had taken a while to catch up. The rigid way of thinking imposed on her during childhood was a difficult framework to escape - the concept of creative thought and idle make-believe so alien to her.

But reading had helped. All the months spent exploring other lives and other worlds in countless novels had sparked something within Calina. It had awoken in her a playful, imaginative side that she’d never expected.

And right now, that imaginative side had captured Calina’s attention. It had painted a picture of a perfect future, once where she was truly free of her past.

And one where she was in Matt’s arms, the two of them together and blissfully happy.

They were on a deserted beach, in some nameless exotic location. The sun was a warming glow on their skin as they bathed on the sand. Her head rested on Matt’s chest and her arm was draped across his bare, muscled stomach. The only motion was the gentle lap of the tide and the glide of Matt’s fingers up and down her sunscreen-slicked back.

They were at peace. Still. With nothing and no one to disturb them. No battles to fight. No worries or cares.

It was wonderful. 

Dream-Calina felt a rumble beneath her cheek. She raised her head to look at Matt. His red glasses had been replaced by dark frames, and a light tan touched his skin. “Did you say something?” she asked.

He turned to her and smiled. “I said-”

“Earth to Calina!”

Real life-Calina was yanked out of paradise by Yelena’s shout. She jerked her head around to see the other Widow in the door of the training room, arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

“I’ve been calling you and calling you,” Yelena complained. “What have you been doing in here?”

Calina rubbed her forehead and orientated herself back to reality. She was on the exercise bike, her legs working the pedals in slow, lazy revolutions as she stared out the widow to the blue sky beyond. 

“Sorry,” she said, as she clambered off the machine. “What’s up?”

“What’s up?” Yelena spluttered. “What’s up is that your boyfriend is about to blow our whole operation!”

———

Matt crouched down behind the overgrown shrubbery of an abandoned delivery depot, and checked out the warehouse across the street. The warehouse his Russian suspect had entered a few minutes ago. The warehouse that was the source of the old carpet and mildew smell that he’d used to track the man through Hell’s Kitchen, across the Hudson and into Jersey.

Several times along the way he’d cursed the fact that he was still wearing his suit from the office and not his Daredevil gear - and he was regretting that even more now. He felt exposed out here as ‘Matt Murdock’. It would be more than a little awkward to try to explain what a blind lawyer in a shirt and tie was doing in this run down industrial estate.

And his options going forward were severely limited by his lack of disguise. He could wait until after dark and try to sneak in to the factory, if he could find something to fashion a mask out of, or he could just-

“Matt!”

The hissed whisper came from his left.

While he’d been fixated on the factory across the street, Calina had somehow managed to sneak up on him. “What are you doing here?” he whispered back as she came over to crouch beside him.

“Me? What are you doing here?”

“I followed someone - he must be part of Volkov’s team. He was asking questions about you back at the apartment.”

Calina frowned and stared across at the building opposite. “Volkov must be getting frustrated that he can’t find us.”

“Is he in there?” Matt asked.

“Not yet. But as soon as he shows his face we’ll be ready for him.”

“So that’s the trap you mentioned.”

“Yeah. We have a base nearby and we’re monitoring this site 24/7. That’s how we knew you were skulking about.”

“I don’t skulk.”

“Fine. That’s how we knew you were stealthily and incredibly skilfully scoping out enemy terrain.”

He smiled at her, glad her earlier annoyance seemed to have dissipated. He took her hand and squeezed it, and she used their clasped hands to guide him away from the warehouse.

As they crept through the labyrinth of crumbling buildings and dilapidated streets, Matt thought through the Widow’s strategy for capturing Volkov.

And how he could help.

When they reached a safe distance, he pulled Calina to a stop. “I went to Columbia with one of the assistant DAs for this county.”

She cocked her head, confused by the non-sequitur. “Okay…,” she said slowly. “And?”

“And I can talk to him. Bring him up to speed.”

“What do you mean?”

“For when you hand Volkov over to the authorities.”

Calina took a step back, breaking his hold on her hand. “Matt…we’re not handing him over to anyone. We’re…” She bit her lip and looked away.

The truth hit Matt like a gut punch. “You’re going to kill him.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, not in a defiant way, but as if to shield herself. “We have to, Matt. We have to put an end to him, and his entire operation. Its the only way to be safe. Please understand.”

Matt shook his head. “You can’t buy your safety with someone else’s death, Calina.”

Now her pose, and her tone, became defensive. “Why not?”

“Because its not right!”

Calina grabbed his arm. “Be quiet! Volkov’s men patrol nearby at this time of day.”

“We need to talk about this, Calina.”

She sighed. “I know. But not here. I’ll come by your place tonight.”

“No. Not while there are people running around asking about you. Come to Fogwell’s. Midnight.”

———

Calina picked at the polish on her nails as she watched the clock in the corner of the room tick by. She tugged at the ends of her hair. She kicked her feet, banging her heels against the side of the boxing ring.

She never used to be a fidgeter. And she wasn’t in most circumstances - years of Red Room training had eliminated those types of bad habits before they could form - but sitting here, in this dusty old gym waiting for Matt to arrive had sent her nerves into overdrive. Any poise she’d once possessed, any composure or calmness under pressure, had evaporated in the last few hours.

Because she knew this was the make or break moment for them.

She’d known it the moment she’d told Matt about the plan for Volkov. In truth…she’d known the moment she’d lied to him about the body in her apartment all those months ago, that it would come back to haunt her. She’d known all along that this confrontation was coming. Why else had she harboured so many doubts and fears about their relationship? They were just too…different.

Matt was principled. He held himself to a high standard, and it was one that didn’t involve taking another person’s life.

Calina didn’t enjoy killing - far from it - but she was a pragmatist. There was no room in her world for idealism. For taking the high road. That wasn’t the way she was trained. She’d lived a brutal, cold life and it had shaped the person she now was.

And the choices she was willing to make.

I’m a good person; I’m worth of love.

The mantra had never felt so hollow. Because as much as she was learning to accept the darkness in herself and forgive herself for the things she’d had to do to survive, she knew that Matt would be a much harsher critic.

She glanced at the clock again: 11:54pm.

She’d arrived to Fogwell’s early. Really early. She hadn’t had much choice after being kicked out of the Widow’s base. She’d all evening pacing the floor of their base in anxious anticipation of this meeting, and it had driven her sisters mad.

So she’d hopped on her bike and drove straight here. Picked the lock on the old, rusted door and sat down to wait.

She glanced around the room. It looked so different from the last time she’d been here - when Matt had brought her here to spar. When she’d tried to kiss him in this ring. Back then, the setting sun had suffused the room with a golden glow. Now wintery darkness pervaded the place, turning it gloomy and cold.

It felt fitting for the conversation to come.

Calina took a deep breath, then froze at the sound of the door opening.

He was here.

She released the breath, the air escaping in a juddering exhale as he stepped into the room. He was dressed as Daredevil, having obviously just finished his patrol of the city.

As it always did, the red suit emphasised his muscled frame and added inches to his height. The menacing mask obscured his face, hiding his expression from her. And for the first time since discovering his secret, the sight of the Hell’s Kitchen vigilante caused a brief pang of fear.

This wasn’t her boyfriend in front of her - her kind, sweet, gentle Matt - this was the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.

And he was here to pass judgement on her.

Calina gripped the edge of the ring as that fear blossomed inside of her.

But then he took off the mask and he was Matt again. With his tired-looking eyes, and his rumpled, sweaty hair. And her fear dissipated.

She was getting really sick of this emotional rollercoaster ride.

“Hey,” he said.

She wet her lips. “Hi.”

He came over to sit beside her at the edge of the ring. He was so close, she could feel the heat of him through his suit, and she wanted to crawl into his lap and burrow against his warmth and pretend none of this was happening.

But she stayed still. And so did he.

For several long moments, they sat there in silence.

“Why does this feel so awkward?” he asked eventually.

She smiled sadly. “I gather most couples don’t schedule a time and place for their arguments.”

“Are we going to argue?”

Calina sighed. “Not if you accept our plan.”

“To kill Volkov.”

“Yes.” She jumped to her feet - too nervous to stay still - and faced him. “We can’t let him live, Matt.”

Matt looked up at her and shrugged. “You can. Its simple really - you just don’t murder him.”

She crossed her arms. “So we hand him over to law enforcement instead.”

“Yes.”

“For what crime?”

Matt paused. Faltered. And Calina jumped on the flaw in his plan. “There’s no proof of his involvement in the Red Room - which all happened in Russia, not in the US. And most of it was government-sanctioned, so extraditing him won’t stop him.”

“So we find something he’s done while on American soil.”

“The only thing he’s done that we know of is send a team of mercenaries to attack us in South Carolina. But we were holding him hostage at the time, so we could end up in just as much legal trouble if we go after him for that. In fact, anything we do to try to punish him legally will just expose the Widows. We either end up at the mercy of the Sokovia Accords, in prison…or worse.”

“Worse?”

“Your government doesn’t have a great track record with this kind of thing.”

Matt frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Does Operation Paperclip ring a bell?”

Matt nodded, somewhat reluctantly. “It was the codename given to the programme for the…rehabilitation…of Nazi scientists in the 40s and 50s.”

“‘Rehabilitation’ is a stretch.”

Matt threw up his hands. “Fine. The government gave them all jobs, and allowed them to continue their research. None of them faced trial for their crimes during the war.”

“We learned all about it in the Red Room - a prime example of ruthless American hypocrisy.”

“What’s your point, Calina?” Matt gritted out.

“My point is that Volkov knows the secret to creating an army of mind-controlled soldiers and assassins. If your Government found that out, they wouldn’t hesitate to make a deal with him. They may even start using us for their own purposes.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“Its too important to leave to chance! We need to keep ourselves safe, we need to be free, and we need the serum to stay a secret. All of that means that Volkov needs to die.”

It was Matt’s turned to get to his feet. He started pacing in front of her, running one hand through his already mussed hair. “No, there must be another way.”

Calina laughed. “I knew you were idealistic, but I didn’t think you were this naive.”

“Its not naive to value human life.”

“He doesn’t deserve a life! He deserves to die!”

Matt grabbed one of her hands with both of his. “No. I felt that way once, Calina. I came so close to killing someone because I thought it was the only way to stop him - the only way to stop an evil that was infecting my city and hurting the people I cared about. But it would have been wrong. Every life has meaning. Every person on earth has at least one has tiny spark of goodness that shouldn’t be snuffed out if there’s a chance they can redeem themselves.”

She yanked her hand out of his grip and stepped back. “Redemption?” she spat. “Is that what you’re banking on? There’s no redemption for men like Volkov or Dreykov! They tear little girls away from their families and torture them. They steal their futures and make them into monsters!”

“You’re not a monster, Callie.”

“Aren’t I? Isn’t that why were having this conversation?”

“No!” He grabbed her shoulders this time. Then slid his hands up to cradle her face. “You are not a monster,” he repeated, enunciating each word. “I know you’ve struggled with the things you were forced to do in your past, but you have the chance to make a different choice now. One that doesn’t involve taking another person’s life. Only God should hold that power.”

Calina shook her head. “I don’t believe in your God, Matt, so I don’t fear his judgement. Or yours.”

It was a lie. She very much cared how Matt saw her. And she was terrified of him growing to hate her. But she couldn’t show that kind of weakness to him - not now. It felt vital that she win this argument. That she convince him that this was the only path.

It was the only way she could envisage them having a future together.

“I’m not judging you,” Matt protested.

She pulled away from him again, scoffing at his obvious lie. “Yes, you are! You’re judging me against your standard, but we were raised in two very different worlds, Matt, and your values don’t belong in mine. They don’t belong in war - you wouldn’t judge a soldier for killing an enemy in battle.”

“You’re not at war.”

“Yes I am!”

“So it’s kill or be killed - is that what you’re saying? Is that how it works in ‘your world’?”

Calina shook her head sharply. “No. There are worse things than being killed. Like being stolen from your family. Having your personality erased before it had time to form. Being beaten and abused for years. Having your innocence and your autonomy stripped from you, and your womb cut from your body to prove that you have no future on this earth beyond being a mindless slave!”

As Calina recited each act of cruelty inflicted on her by the Red Room she stepped closer and closer to Matt, until she was standing right in front of him, panting with rage, fists clenched at her sides and hot, angry tears filling her eyes.

Matt staggered back. “Y- your what?” he whispered, shaking his head.

“That was our graduation present, for finishing our training. They strapped us down and ripped out our reproductive organs. Because we were just things to them. To men like Volkov, we were nothing. He didn’t see our humanity, so why should I give a fuck about his?”

Matt was silent.

All she could hear was the sound of her own fast breathing and the heartbeat pounding in her ears.

She’d always planned to tell Matt about her infertility. Eventually. During some far-off discussion about their plans for the future…she’d just never expected to blurt it out in a fit of rage. To expose her deepest vulnerability and her most hidden, buried grief in this callous way.

But it was done now. 

And Matt still wasn’t saying a word.

Calina turned away from him to wipe the moisture from her cheeks. Then all of a sudden she was engulfed in his strong arms as he held her from behind. She struggled briefly against his embrace, but he was too strong.

And the lure of his embrace was stronger still.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he whispered into her ear. “I’m so sorry they did that to you.”

He tightened his arms across her chest as he continued. “But I’m so proud of you for coming through that. For being the kind and sweet and wonderful person that you are, despite everything they took from you. Don’t you see that that’s the way to beat these men? Be better than them. Be better than your training. You didn’t have a choice before - you were brainwashed and controlled and forced to kill. But you have a choice now. You have a choice to be better than that.”

Calina dropped her head forward and closed her eyes, fighting off more tears. She could feel her heart crack as she realised it was time. Time to tell him everything.

The whole, ugly truth.

The vague hints she’d dropped over the past few months about the darkness within her just hadn’t penetrated. He still had her up on a pedestal.

The way he saw her…it was beautiful. But it was a lie.

Calina slipped out of his arms and turned to face him. “Matt, you need to understand something. I’m not this…perfect victim…that you’ve built up in your head. I’m not innocent. I’ve been faced with this choice before, and I- I didn’t choose the option you’d approve of.”

He frowned at her, and it was his turn to back away. “You’ve killed someone,” he guessed. “Since being freed from the Red Room.”

“Yes.”

“More than one?”

She swallowed, as all her secrets were laid bare. “Yes.”

“Who? When?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yes!”

“Why? So you can judge my sins? I thought only your God was allowed to do that.” The sarcasm slashed like a knife.

But Matt showed no sign of taking a hit. He just rested his fists on his hips and demanded answers. “Dammit, Calina, just tell me.”

Calina raked her fingers through her hair and started pacing. “Fine! Before I came to New York, I killed a man during a mission. We were hunting down who we thought were the last dregs of the Red Room personnel and I…I took one of them out.”

“And the others?” All hints of Matt were gone. This was Daredevil in front of her.

Interrogating her.

Judging her.

Just as she’d feared.

But she didn’t regret her choices. She didn’t revel in them, and she hated that they made her doubt her worth as a person…but every act of violence could be justified in her eyes. So she stood up straight and told him the truth. “I lied to you about what happened the night you found out about me. The man who administered the serum did it in person. I woke up tied to my bed with him standing over me, stealing my mind. So I fought him, and killed him.”

Matt staggered back. “Jesus.” He lifted his head towards the ceiling - as if praying for guidance - then shook it and faced her again. “Jesus, Calina, I knew there was something off about your story, but there was a dead body across the hall that whole time?”

“Yes,” she admitted. “But what options did I have, Matt? Tell me! If I’d wasted time trying to subdue him, I would have been dragged under by the serum. I never would have had a chance to come to you for help. And I would have gone out and assassinated Governor Benson - and whoever else they programmed me to kill. Would that have been better?” She didn’t give him time to respond, her anger taking her over. “What about the two highly-trained and fully-armed mercenaries that invaded my home in South Carolina to try and take me back under Volkov’s control? Should I have left them alive to try another day?”

Matt shook his head, more in disbelief than disagreement. He seemed shocked by her confessions. But like the masochist he was, he couldn’t stop asking for more details. “Have there been any since we- since we were…together?”

Calina shook her head, glad that she could give him some positive news. “No.”

“How can I trust that?” he asked, shaking his head. “How can I believe you, when you lie well enough to fool your own heartbeat!?”

It was Calina’s turn to take the hit. She felt Matt’s mistrust and suspicion tear at her already bleeding heart, the pain of it a physical ache. She rubbed her hand over her chest, suddenly feeling…tired.

All her self-righteous anger was gone. All her hopes of salvaging their relationship…gone.

It was over.

“I’m not lying, Matt,” she said sadly, all strength and passion gone from her voice. “Everything I’ve said tonight was the truth. I’m sorry for lying to you before. I really am. But…could you blame me? You had me up on a pedestal almost from the moment we met. And I knew if I burst that illusion, you would want nothing to do with me. And I couldn’t bear that.”

Her wounded heart finally wrenched in two. But she choked back the sob gathering within her, and lifted her chin, determined that he wouldn’t see her fall apart.

She still had some pride.

I’m a good person; I’m worthy of love.

She grabbed her coat and shoved her arms in the sleeves, then faced him one last time. “Volkov has to die, Matt. And I know what that means for us. I know you’ll never understand, and you’ll never forgive me. You don’t have to. Just don’t stand in my way.”

With that final warning, Calina strode past the man she loved and left.

————–

I'M SORRY - both for making you wait for this chapter, and for all the angst in this chapter. But that fight has been months in the making. And I loved writing it (I must be a sadist)!

Chapter 7

Tag list: @hollandorks @chezagnes @stilldreaming666 @yanna-banana @tearoseart-blog @acharliecoxedfan @freckledbabyyy

If you’d like to be added - let me know!

[haddonfieldwhore]

out alive - leon kennedy

re2remake! leon kennedy x reader

warnings: spoilers but doesn’t exactly follow the plot, violence, blood, gore, angst?, language, mentions of incarceration/criminal record, not edited

it was near pitch black and freezing cold in the old holding cell that i had picked possibly the worst night to get thrown into. regretfully, it was not my first time spending the night in the raccoon city police station; no major crimes or anything, just a few minor shoplifting charges, most of which from when i was a teenager. i’d like to think i’ve become a better person since then, but as i looked at my surroundings, i realized maybe i was still the same. money was tight this month- it always was; but a few extra bills took most of my small paycheque this month and i had to do what i had to just to eat. that’s how i ended up here, having been busted for swiping (or attempting to i suppose) some groceries from the store.

i sighed, the only sound in the cell being the dirt under my boot crunching as i twisted my foot around, and the occasional groan from one of the other cells. i couldn’t see anyone in the other holding cells now, but i had seen that a few of them in the dark hallway were occupied when i had been brought in. as i thought about it more, perhaps this was the safest place to be, with the strange outbreak taking over the city. people were going crazy; if they were still even… people. speaking of, the groaning got louder, and was accompanied by metallic clanging, as if someone was trying to get out of one of the cells. scratch that- multiple people, as the noises got louder, a chorus of grotesque moaning and clattering.

i pressed myself further into the corner of the cell, the rough surface of the bricks against my back sending a chill up my spine. maybe if i stayed quiet, whatever was out there wouldn’t notice me and would just leave. wishful thinking i know, but it was my only hope; there was nothing else i could do. i heard footsteps approaching, moving quickly down the hall, avoiding the outstretched hands from within the cells that i could now see as my eyes adjusted. the beam of a flashlight approached, and with the added light i could see a man, seemingly still human, making his way down the cell block. i realized this was maybe my only chance to get out of here, with seemingly everyone else having become… well whatever they were, and i moved towards the cell bars.

“hey- in here,” i called out, and the man stopped in his tracks, turning towards the cell. “you’re not one of them, are you?”

“no, still human; at least last time i checked,” he laughed lightly, and i breathed a sigh of relief. “you?” he asked. in the low lighting i could tell he was a young man, who i guessed was probably around my age, with blond hair and dressed in a police uniform.

“same here,” i answered. “i don’t suppose you have the key?” i gestured to the locked cell, and the blonde man shook his head.

“yeah.. i don’t think they give you the keys on your first day,” he scratched the back of his head.

“hell of a first day…” i trailed off.

“leon,” he introduced himself. “leon kennedy.”

“y/n” i replied, extending my hand through the bars to shake his. he returned the gesture, and i welcomed the warmth of his touch on my cold fingers.

“i’m gonna get you out of here, y/n.”

“okay, but try to hurry okay? i think the neighbours are getting restless.” i said, nodding towards the other cells. leon nodded, and disappeared down the hallway.

he returned a few minutes later, and explained that he had to find a fuse to power the doors again, and with that you were alone again, staring at the peeling paint on the bricks and hoping that he made it back in one piece.

a little while later, leon had returned with the fuse he needed, and he let me know the plan.

“okay, so when i flip that switch, all the cells are gonna open. i need you to run down that hallway okay? i’ll be right behind you.”

“okay,” i replied, but i didn’t even sound convincing to myself. leon reached to his waist and removed a knife from his belt, handing it to me.

“here, just in case.” i nodded in return, getting ready to make a break for the light at the end of the hallway. i heard the click of the door starting to move and a buzzer go off, and i took a deep breath. once to gap was wide enough for me to squeeze through, i started running down the hallway, ducking to avoid the arms trying to grab onto me. i made it to the end of the hallway, just barely getting past the rest of the many infected people stumbling around, and after downing a few of them with headshots, leon joined me. grabbing my hand, he led me through the lit corridor and through another door into a parking garage.

taking a moment to catch my breath, i looked at my rescuer now that there was enough light to actually see. he had blond hair and sparkling blue eyes, and he looked young even though he was a fair amount taller than me. he was very attractive, and cringed thinking about the state of my appearance after having been in that cell for hours.

“thank you, leon.”

“no problem,” he smiled. “but we’re not out of the woods yet. there’s a secret passageway under the police station but who knows what’s down there.”

“i’ll take my chances,” i laughed. “better than staying here, right?”

“agreed. let’s go before the dogs wake back up,” he started off towards a door across the garage.

“dogs?” i questioned, hurrying after him as not to get left behind.

“don’t ask.”

•

it had been nearly an hour of leon and i searching the police station, for exactly what i wasn’t sure. leon managed to incapacitate most of the zombies we came across without too much difficulty, and i even managed to take out one or two with the knife he had borrowed me, the two us only obtaining minor injuries in the process so far.

following the map we had seen in the main hall of the police station, we were headed to the STARS office upstairs when i heard a snarling noise coming from behind me. i turned around, not seeing anything, until something wet dripped on my arm that held the flashlight. i looked up to see a horrific sight, a skinless monster with long arms and huge teeth, a long tongue dripping with saliva and claws like knives.

as i stood frozen in shock, leon seemingly noticed i had fallen behind and called out to me. the large creature leapt down from the ceiling, and i screamed as i jumped back, narrowly avoiding its long claws. leon pointed his shotgun at it but he had forgotten to reload it, a small click rather than a large bang coming from the gun.

“this way!” leon called, and he dragged me by the arm down the hallway and into the room at the end of the corridor. i slammed the door just in time, holding it shut with all of my strength as the creature threw its body against it, desperately trying to get inside. the wood creaked under the stress, and leon hastily reloaded the shotgun.

“what the hell is that thing?” i cried, before letting out a shriek as its arm burst through the door above my right shoulder. the wood splintered as the monster scratched at my face, a burning sensation spreading over my eye as it’s razor sharp nails ripped across half of my face. my vision was blurry and red as hot blood trickled down my cheek, and leon gasped in shock.

“get down!” he ordered, and i slid down to the floor, my head spinning from the pain and adrenaline. leon cocked the shotgun and fired it at the creatures head, and it let out a croak as it fell to the ground with a thud. leon crouched down in front of me. i heard him mumble ‘shit’ under his breath as he looked at me, blood running down my cheek as i covered my torn eye with my hand.

“you’re gonna be okay- can i take a look?” he asked, his hand gently taking hold of my wrist to pull my hand away from my face. i let him, and i tried to focus my now impaired vision on his face. i couldn’t see out of my right eye at all, and i could tell what was left of it was destroyed beyond repair, the vision in my remaining eye a little fuzzy from the pain but still good enough to see as i squinted up at the man in front of me.

“fuck…” i whimpered, and leon looked around the room for something to bandage the wound with. thankfully having ended up in the shower room, he managed to find a first aid kit and carefully applied gauze to my eye, wrapping it around my head like an eyepatch.

“can you see at all?” he asked, carefully but effortlessly lifting me up by scooping his arms under mine and pulling me up off the tile floor. i nodded slightly, wincing as pain shot through my head.

“about fifty percent,” i joked, and leon shook his head as he laughed.

“just stay close okay?” he offered his shoulder for support, and i leaned into him as we headed towards the door on the other side of the room. “let’s get going.”

still using his body to stabilize myself, i waited as leon carefully opened the door and the two of us stepped over the motionless creature, now covered in blood as it lay in a heap on the floor. i kicked it as we went by, and leon laughed to himself at my actions.

“ugly fucker,” i muttered under my breath. i allowed leon to lead me down the hallway, as i adjusted to life without depth perception. we made it to the STARS office and i took a seat in one of the desk chairs while leon looked around. my head was spinning, and i could feel the adrenaline wearing off.

“you okay over there?” leon called, not looking towards me. i hummed in response, but the pain was suddenly overwhelming, and i felt my head falling forward. leon noticed and ran over, kneeling in front of me to catch me before i hit the floor, instead my head landing on his shoulder as his arms wrapped around me.

“i’ve got you,” leon whispered next to my ear. “you’re ok i’ve got you.”

“thank you,” i murmured sleepily. “i’m sorry…. i think i just need to sit for a second.”

“don’t mention it.” leon hadn’t let go of me and i was thankful, as he was currently the only thing holding me up, in more ways than one. i don’t think i could make it out of here on my own. still feeling quite dizzy, but knowing we had to keep moving, i reluctantly pulled myself out of leon’s warm embrace, his arms dropping to his sides as he remained knelt in from of me.

“stay with me okay?” leon said, placing a hand reassuringly on my shoulder. i smiled at the blond.

“okay. let’s find whatever we’re looking for and get the hell out of here,” i said, rising to my feet slowly. leon looked worried until i was standing properly upright on my own, and then he smiled.

“i like that idea.”

[doctors-journal]

8 August

Mum and dad convinced me to set up an appointment with a counsellor and today was the day. It was all the way in London, since I guess that’s where I’ve been living. I told them I could take the train, but mum and dad insisted on driving me and making a day of it, like we did when I was a kid.

Even though dad was taking the day off for family time, he and mum were up early anyway—they both get up much earlier than the detective. It’s been over a week, but they were still surprised to see that I was up first.

“You’ve become an early riser,” mum said as she joined me for breakfast.

I shrugged. “Doctors have to be up at all hours.”

Dad gave me a look. “So long as you’re getting enough sleep.”

At least I don’t think I’ve been shouting so much the past few nights.

The appointment was fine. I didn’t learn anything I didn’t already know. The counsellor told me to try not to be so hard on myself. She’s right, it’s not helping anyone, but it’s not like it would help anyone if I stopped worrying about it either.

Thankfully, mum and dad didn’t say too much afterward. Today was one of those nice, unseasonably cool, rainy days that London gets. Mum and dad didn’t want to walk in the rain, so we wandered through a gallery. I spent some time looking at the featured exhibit—a striking parade of human figures made out of printed textiles. Otherwise we just meandered through the halls, alternately admiring and puzzling at the art.

We went to a cafe for lunch and then spent a little while in a park afterward since the sky had cleared. It was a really nice day. The trees provided plenty of shade, their lush leaves still dripping with rain. There were some late summer flowers in bloom and squirrels chasing each other around the trees, and little robins flitting across the path.

Dad talked about work a bit, and mum conveyed some well-wishes from the neighbours. Most of my old school friends have moved on, but that’s old news. I mostly listened. In the lulls in the conversation I found myself wondering about how the detective is doing, but I’m sure he’s busy occupying himself with his Moriarty. Perhaps he has even found some other poor chap to drag along on his cases.

I also discovered something while we were out and I’ve just flipped back through my journal and confirmed it.

While we were walking in the park, the detective came up in conversation somehow, and mum asked, “What’s his name again? I know it’s over between you, but I feel like all I ever knew was that he’s a detective.”

“That’s about all I knew too,” I replied, “that he wants to be Sherlock Holmes and will accept no substitutes.”

“You wanted to be Doctor Who,” dad pointed out.

“Yes, when I was a boy. I grew out of it.”

“But you still want to save the world,” mum said.

“Not the world, just…” I couldn’t find the right words to argue.

I don’t even know what saving the world means. It’s definitely not solving crimes or even working in the hospital, and I’m not even doing that anymore.

What I said about the detective wasn’t entirely true either. I did know him, at least I thought I did. Underneath the cool, aloof facade, there was an infectious, nervous energy, a teasing sense of humour, and unshakable determination. God, I can’t believe I actually miss him.

And the whole time we were together, I don’t think I once thought of him by his name, or even wrote it in my journal. That’s what my mum’s question made me realise, and I just confirmed it. He called me “Doctor” and I just thought of him as “the detective.” For that matter, I’ve hardly used anyone else’s name either.

I guess I got so used to trying to keep my professional distance. Of course, I had to know my patients’ names to keep track of their records, but I tried not to get to know them too well, and I don’t remember most of them now. I couldn’t get too attached because they might be dead by morning. They all deserve better than that.

Well, for the record, the detective’s name—my ex’s name—is not Sherlock Holmes, though I’m sure he wishes it was. His name is Justin. I hope he’s not doing anything too stupid chasing after that Moriarty of his.

Now I want a cigarette, but I shouldn't.

Mum’s working on dinner now. I just wanted some space to compose my thoughts in between all the family time. But dinner smells good. Maybe I’ll go see if I can help.

[pepsi-maxwell]

a siren on the water, pulling you in

pairing: mjf & cm punk (gen but with canon typical obsessiveness) rating: T words: ~1100 prompt: @wrestleprompts week 3: a proposal on the beach

-

He’s single in San Francisco, but for all the nightlife the city has to offer, he doesn’t take advantage of any of it. Doesn’t go out, doesn’t have a big celebration, just stays in his hotel room icing his face, popping painkillers for his knee, unable to sleep because his mind’s still racing.

Until it gets to about four in the morning, when the buzzing in his head reaches a fever pitch and the urge to fucking go somewhere hits.

He doesn’t know how he ends up on a beach, his sneakers crunching against the pebbles. It smells like a port, in a way that makes him feel a little at home despite being on the opposite side of the country. There are lights flickering on the other side of the bay, and the waves lap gently against the shore, a quiet swash that he tries to focus on until it’s the only thing in his mind, washing everything else away. Calming, just by virtue of giving him nothing else to think about.

The footsteps coming closer on the stones don’t register until they come to a stop right next to him. Until there’s a shadow in his peripheral vision, and in the half-light of pre-dawn, he can just about make out heavily tattooed arms.

He’s too physically tired for this fight right now.

“Little cold to be out in short sleeves,” he says. The figure folds his arms across his chest, and Max shivers involuntarily in his tracksuit because it’s cold out here, on the waterfront, in fucking March. “But then, you spent, what, the whole week in ice baths, right?”

“I’d feign surprise that you’ve been keeping tabs on me, but… well, I saw your scrum performance. Nice look with the towel, by the way. They don't have muffins up here?” Punk says lightly.

Max scoffs, shoving his hands into the sleeves of his tracksuit. It’s not even that cold, Long Island gets worse, but he feels it more today. “You don’t get to this level of peak physical conditioning eating that sugary carb-heavy bullshit.”

Punk looks at him. He can’t see it, but he can feel it, feel his eyes on him.

Punk doesn’t say anything, but with his presence, it’s impossible to focus on the sound of the waves any more. The buzzing in his head returns, which means he needs a new sound to drown it out, and luckily, he has a lot of experience doing that with his voice.

“How’d you find me, anyway? You stalking me, now? That what you’re doing with all that fucking free time?”

What he means is, “Why are you here?”

What he means is, “How did you get up here so quickly?”

“The aura of desperation was just too potent to keep me away, I guess,” Punk says, kneeling to a crouch and picking up one of the larger pebbles surrounding him. It’s flat and angled well, and when Punk throws it with the intent to skim it, it hits the water and sinks like… well, like a stone, and Max can’t help his laugh.

“I could skim a rock better than that,” he cackles. “Then again, I’ve just proved I can do pretty much anything better, huh? Better sixty minute iron man match, better job at tearing off the Dragon’s wings, better championship reign full stop.”

The urge to keep him talking is as strong as ever. Keep him here. Keep him in sight, so he can’t fucking—crawl back to that pool he’s been marinating in.

“All doing your most elaborate impersonation attempt of me, yet. Should I start warning my neighbours in case you rock up at my house with a couple full sleeves of ink?” Punk grabs another rock, and this time, it flits across the surface three times before finally falling beneath. “You gonna start bleaching your hair, swear off the wine for good?”

Max pulls a face at the thought. He doesn’t even drink that much, but the thought of going fully straight-edge, the thought of wrecking his hair with dye, of being as sanctimonious as this asshole—

“You’re acting like nobody’s ever paid homage to someone who’s not around no more.”

He feels the weight of Punk’s gaze on him again. The sky’s getting lighter, fractionally, and he can see in enough definition that the skin on Punk’s arms is prickling with the chill.

“Am I? Not around any more?”

Max finally turns his head to look at him properly. Punk doesn’t look disappointed, or angry, or amused, just… like he’d asked an honest question. Like he’d asked for the time.

“Are you?” Max asks, answering his question with one of his own.

Punk smiles and ducks his head. Max looks away, stomach flipping. Watches a boat make its slow way across the bay, until the waves it leaves in its wake reach the shoreline.

“Guess not,” Punk says, after a long while. Long enough that Max has almost forgotten what his question was.

It’s the longest time he’s spent with Punk in any kind of quiet. Neither of them putting hands on the other. It feels wrong, and he’s still too exhausted to fight him properly, but maybe he can break this unsettling quiet, bring things a little closer to normality.

“You know, I wouldn’t have to, if you just—”

He cuts himself off because whatever he meant to say, it wasn’t that.

“If I just…?” Punk parrots.

Max shifts on his feet, stones crunching underneath, giving away his sudden nerves. 

“Come on, Max,” Punk says, needling him the way he’s so good at. “What are you proposing?”

God, he sounds like he actually wants to fucking hear it.

He turns his head to glance at Punk for a moment. It’s getting lighter, now, the sky turning a deep, beautiful blue, which means he sees every facet of the expression on Punk’s face.

Contentment. Like he’s comfortable here. At peace. With Max.

He bites the bullet. Takes a deep breath.

“Come back,” he says, heart pounding in his throat, and he can only be thankful he doesn’t stumble over his words. “And then maybe I won’t have to play your part any more.”

And Punk’s only answer is another secretive little smile. Max looks at him a moment longer before turning back to the bay, gazing out across the water as the sky goes from blue, to pink, to orange, to gold.

Punk continues to stand there, looking out over the water when Max turns and leaves, when the ache in his knee starts to return.

He wonders if Punk will still chase after him, this time around.

[snoozingredpanda]

Okay I need more Benni and her very accepting Darling to have more scenes. This is very good. I enjoy all of this so much.

Thanks for the support :D sorry this is a bit depressing but I kinda needed to get backstory out of the way lol so readers know why she’s the way she is

—

Benni Winters — Promise

GN!Reader

Warnings: Loneliness, depression, PTSD, mentions of SA, neglect and homophobia, swearing

—

• “You won’t ever leave me, right?”

• It was something Benni asked every night. She lay there next to you, a meek look on her beautiful face, staring up at you, her beloved darling.

• “Of course not. I tell you this every day, Ben,” you smile, fingers tracing her lips. “I love you too much to leave you.”

• “But…” She sighs. “What if you find someone better?”

• “There is no one better. You’re everything I could’ve asked for.”

• She lays her head back, staring at the ceiling. “Promise?”

• “I promise,” you reply.

• There’s a silence for a few minutes, neither of you speaking. But you had so many questions.

• “Is everything okay?” You ask after a while. She looks back at you.

• She nods. “Yeah. Why?”

• “You always get like this,” you murmur, brushing some of her brown hair from her eyes. “All… insecure.”

• She shrugs. “Dunno. Got a lot on my mind, I suppose.”

• “Tell me?” You gently pry. “You know everything about me, but I hardly know anything about you.”

• She’s conflicted. Part of her wants to tell you, but the other part wants to keep it locked away.

• “I don’t know where to start.” Her mouth speaks for itself.

• “At the beginning? What was your childhood like?” You smile.

• Benni doesn’t say anything for a few minutes. “Mom and Dad didn’t like me at all.” She started.

• “She always favoured my older sister. I was just an accident. They already had their perfect little princess, and then came along me. I was just a burden to them.”

• She let out a shallow breath. “Juliet was their pride and joy. She could do no wrong in their eyes. I, on the other hand, could do no right.”

• Benni scoffs.

• “My grades were never enough. I was too fat. I was always too ‘scruffy’ and ‘tomboyish.’ They’d say. ‘Don’t dress like that! The neighbours will think you’re one of those gays!’ But when Juliet wore sweatpants she was ‘just having a rest day’.”

• You stroke her cheek, silently telling her it was okay. “I hardly had a friend growing up. People at school always made fun of my name, saying it was a boy’s name. That’s Juliet’s fault too: our parents let her choose it when I was born, and she named me after her favourite book character, Benni the fuckin’ Bunny.”

• You watch her mutter something inaudible, chewing on her lip.

• “I had no one. I had to eat my lunch in the headmaster’s office because I kept on getting beat up by bullies. I was so lonely, no one ever gave me hugs or told me I was doing good. It was awful.”

• She angrily glares into space, but it turned to a frown. “My family was Christian. Like, really, really religious. Church every Sunday, all that stuff. I never really believed in it, but I had to go. It was alright, I guess.”

• You were listening intently, letting her get everything out. She clearly needed this.

• “When I was nine, I think, we went there Easter Sunday to do the usual prayers. During the after party thing I was playing with Juliet in this corridor in the church and then this… guy… appeared. I think he was the graveyard keeper, and we ignored him until he asked us our names.”

• Something about her tone made anticipation boil up in your chest. You were scared for her, despite this being in the past.

• “Juliet was an idiot and told him, and our ages. She was fourteen at the time, she should’ve known better.” Benni bit her lip. “He asked—told her he’d hidden Easter eggs around the church, and she ran off to find them.”

• “…Leaving us alone. H—he…” She didn’t need to finish her sentence.

• You knew.

• “Benni, baby…” You kiss her gently on the lips, seeing she was on the verge of tears. You didn’t blame her, that was a horrid thing to go through. Anger was swelling up inside you. “Did you tell your parents?”

• “Y—yeah. But Juliet said I was l—lying,” she sniffs. “I h—hate her.”

• You hate her too. Her own sister. This world really was something.

• “A—and when I was fifteen I h—had a date with a girl one night and Juliet found out and told our parents and t—they kicked me out. I haven’t seen them s—since.”

• Benni was sobbing by this point. You pull her in, kissing her forehead as she cries into your chest. You don’t know what to say.

• When you asked, you hadn’t expected neglect, sexual abuse and homophobia. No wonder she was so clingy, so obsessive, so unstable. She’d never experienced love before. And when she did, it hit her like a truck.

• She couldn’t control these feelings, she was infatuated. You were the complete opposite of her family, so beautiful, so sweet so accepting. No wonder she fell so hard.

• And her nightmares. You now understood why she babbled about ‘graveyards’ and ‘him’. Poor thing.

• This was the moment you vowed never to leave her. This girl needed your protection. She needed you, and you were going to keep her safe, just like she keeps you safe. You were going to heal her broken mind and be there for her forever.

• “D—don’t leave me!” She begs. “You’re all I have!” She’s grabbing at your shirt, nails digging into your skin. She’s frantic, as if you’re going to turn to dust. “I’m not a bad person, I promise, I promise!”

• “I’m not going to leave you, honey,” you tell her, peppering her face with kisses. “Never. You’re my beautiful Benni,” you smile, tears of your own falling. “You don’t need them. You’ve got me now. I don’t care if you’re a stalker, or if you watch me sleep. You’re my Benni, okay?”

• “Promise?” She hiccups. You wipe her tears.

• “I promise, sweetheart. As long as you want me, I’ll want you, okay? You could kidnap me and I would be happy with you.”

• “M—maybe I’ll take you up on that,” she jokes. You think.

• “Please do. The world is better in your arms.” You kiss her forehead again and again.

• She replies, “Can we stay like this?”

• You pull her in closer. “Of course, baby.”

• “…Can I tell you one more thing?” She whispers.

• “Anything,” you coo.

• “I’m in love with you. I can’t stop falling in love with you. I know we haven’t been together long but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to part from you. It’s scaring me. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

• “Well it’s a good thing I feel the same way,” you laugh. “I’m yours, Benni. Yours and yours only. I love you so, so much, even if you are a little strange. I need you, I love you.”

• You’d never seen her happier.

• This just proved to her you’re the most perfect thing in the world. Her pretty darling.

[paris-geller-was-straightwashed]

February Writing Challenge (3/28)

day three!

this one is coming out a little late, and it may or may not be due to me getting too caught up in the final of the great canadian baking show..

Prompt: ‘Dance’

Pairing: Dustin Henderson/El Hopper-Byers (Stranger Things)

Words: 2,097

Rating: G

Notes: a different take on what might’ve happened if nancy hadn’t rescued dustin during the snow ball. honestly, I’ve always had a soft spot for henderhop bc it’s so sweet, and this idea has been in my head ever since s2 but I never found time to write it - until now!

“Okay. Okay. It’s okay. It-it’s fine, it’s..just – inhale – deep breath. There, see? You can bounce back! Who cares about dumb ol’ Stacy you know..popularity’s so overrated anyway! And all those other girls, pssh, who needs em? I’m sure if one of them hadn’t already had a date, you would’ve been picked! Yeah..it’s fine! It’s fine. It’s better then fine..”

As far as pep talks go, Dustin isn’t so sure this one is working. He’s just lucky that no one else was in the boys bathroom with him. Frankly, someone else spying in on him trying to talk himself up and splashing cold water over his eyes to get rid of the red haze, would really be the cherry atop the cake of this whole thing..

He could still hear the dull thrum of the slow-dance music leaking in through the door. It was about to end soon. He sighed, staring down his reflection in the smudged mirror. He came running in here as a refuge after...what happened. He was trying to salvage his ego from where it’d shattered (and not cry in front of everyone either).

It was embarrassing – all his friends had a girl to dance with. Mike with El, Lucas having won over Max, even shy wallflower Will; all of them had scored tonight. And what did he have to show for tonight? Nothing, except a cowards retrieval and a stupid hairdo.

It was one thing, if you’re a nerd who’s got a bunch of equally nerdy friends who all have poor luck with girls. You can feel a bit better about that. But it’s not like that anymore, it seems. Everyone in The Party was getting picked off, leaving him by his own – the toothless freak.

Getting laughed in the face and rejected was one thing – and then losing out on getting the girl too. It wasn’t anything against Lucas; he was one of the best friends you could ask for, and Dustin knew he’d treat Max right. But...was he really that detested?

Doomed to be a lonely freak forever.

Dustin furiously scrubbed his sleeve over his stinging eyes. C’mon now – buck up. That’s what his mom always said when he was small, a gentle encouragement whenever he fell and scrapped his knee or had a nightmare. The night wasn’t over yet, and he guessed he could still have fun with his friends.

I’m definitely not helping my image by hiding away in here.

It was settled then. Dustin stood back up and cleared his throat. Straightened out his suit coat. Made sure his hair was still in place. Did his best to smile and double-check for any wetness under his eyes.

It’s fine.

When he’d finally opened the swinging door, the slow-dance had ended and the couples had dispersed from the floor. Instead, a more upbeat bob played and friend groups of Hawkins High milled about. He spotted his at their table, chatting over snacks. It was just Lucas and Max, with El too.

“Hey.” He cleared his throat as be broached, trying to make sure to hide any cracks in his voice “What happened to Mike and Will?”

“Mike went to go help Will with something.” Lucas answered as Dustin sat himself down between him and El “Where’d you go?”

“Bathroom.”

“What, to go pull the twigs out of your hair?” Lucas cracked a grin. Earlier might’ve been funny, but now Dustin wasn’t really in the mood to hear it.

“Screw you.” He grumbled. He decided to turn away, his eyes finding place on his other neighbour, on El beside him.

She looked very different then she normally did. Her hair was styled back, and she wore a nice dress of a pretty blue. She’d dusted make-up around her eyes with a matching blue – where did she learn to do that? Certainly not when Mike did her make-up – and sitting there as she waited for Mike’s return, quietly observing the busying crowd, she looked almost angelic. Her head eventually turned and she caught his gaze, almost surprising him a bit, like he’d been caught leering or something. But El simply smiled back at him in that gentle way she had. He did the same back.

“You look nice El.” He complimented. Her smile grew.

“Thank you, Dustin. You look nice too..” She spoke gently, her smile soon departing as her brow drew together “But..why do you look sad?...”

Dustin froze up. That’s something he forgot – there was no hiding anything from El. She caught every detail meticulously. As he floundered on an answer, Lucas and Max caught into the conversation, prompting Lucas to ask.

“I thought I saw you try to go ask out Stacy or some insane idea?”

Dustin sighed. So much for wanting to keep this a secret. He chewed on his tongue, all his friends eyes on him which definitely wasn’t helping anything. What was the least...pathetic way, to explain this?

“I think I know what happened..” Max muttered then, eyes narrowing across the dance floor. They all followed her gaze – finding Stacy nestled in with her friends off of the court. They were snickering amungst themselves, with Stacy herself pointing out some other nerdy kid with limbs far too twig-like to be trying the dance he was not-so-elegantly performing. Dustin watched at his table, his friend’s glances become glares once they realized, and even El, who was abit behind on picking up on ques, was furrowing her brow at these heavily make-up’d girls for the cruelty she could easily read in their laughter.

Dustin quickly looked away. Lucas turned to his friend, sympathy written all over.

“Hey, man, don’t worry about it – you’re way too cool for that airhead stuck-up anyway.”

“Pretty sure you have three times the amount of braincells for the half-of-one she has.” Max tacked on. Dustin just shrugged. Maybe they’re right, but, it still would’ve been nice to dance with a pretty popular girl..

“Yeah, whatever..”

El, however, was still glaring out at the dancefloor. This wasn’t sitting well with her. She swung her head back at Dustin.

“She didn’t want to dance with you? Why?”

Dustin let his head fall back in defeat. He knew his friends meant well, but how many times was he going to be forced to relive his embarrassment through constant questioning? Frustrated, he blurted out,

“I dunno – maybe because I’m a toothless freak who’s probably going to die alone before any girl would be willingly seen with me?? That’s probably why all them laughed or walked away!”

“Dustin man, don’t say that –”

“Don’t bullshit me Lucas, you already got a date!”

“Exactly, so you will too!”

“Yeah, and, to be fair Dustin, stalker here clearly, barely made it through a sentence to ask me to dance, so..”

“When did this become about me?”

Dustin simply sighed again. He stared back out at the gymnasium, back to pretty, perfect Stacy, and all the other giggling girls hanging off her shoulder. Trying not to think about how happy Max looked dancing with Lucas. Really, who had he been kidding in the first place?

“I’m just a socially low-bar freak, I guess.” He muttered, the pod of popular kids laughing away amungst themselves “Just gunna have to fess up to reality..”

The other girls, Stacy included, continued to giggle away, unaware of the fragile emotions they’d stomped all over, and Dustin felt as though his only lot in life was to just stare from the side-lines, always second best –

There was a sudden, girlish shriek. Dustin’s eyes went wide when out of nowhere, Stacy’s punch cup she’d been so innocently holding jumped up in the air, sending the bright red cough-medicine like liquid splattering all down her dress. All the clingers-on flew back wide-eyed, looking just as flabbergasted as Stacy was as she cried out at the massive red stain that’d no doubt ruined her dress for the evening,

“It..it just flew out of my hand!!!”

Dustin, as well as Lucas and Max, couldn’t believe the sight, at the total improbability...and then Dustin started grinning. Like a slow reveal, he moved his head just to the right – and found El slyly wiping her hand under her nose. Lucas started smiling too, Max, beside him excitedly whispering did she do that?? in his ear as he nodded back. With Stacy running off in tears, El casually hid away any evidence and simply turned back to her friends – catching Dustin’s gaze again, and letting loose a small smile.

Dustin’s grin grew.

He really did have the coolest friend in the world.

Then, El did something not-so-like her shy nature. She abruptly stood up from the table and her pale hand grabbed his wrist, smiling back in assurance at his confusion.

“They’re mouthbreathers.” She declared “I’ll dance with you.”

Dustin didn’t have a much of a choice, suddenly tugged up from his chair. It wasn’t a slow sway this time; instead, everyone was dancing around in glee to a playful Wham! song playing. El led Dustin to the edge of the pool of kids, skittering to a stop. They stood there for just a second, staring at one another, a little unsure of how to take this forward. Dustin flicked his eyes to the crowd, to their peers just tossing themselves to the beat in abandon, twirling each other around. He started to smile, an idea growing.

This time, he reached in, gently grasping El’s hand. Quick enough to be snappy but not too much to startle the timid girl, he twirled El around in a perfect, playful circle, watching the bottom of her baby blue dress flare out. Just faintly, he could hear her quiet gasp under George Michael’s voice – but, when she made the circle around, he found her giggling.

He made El laugh. The blooming pride had Dustin grinning back; you hardly ever saw anything more then a sad nervousness on her, she just looked so happy in that moment.

Excited, Dustin shouted ‘watch this!’ – still holding onto her hand, he extended out their arms, only to twirl her around again so she’d spin into him, bumping into his shoulder. She started giggling again, her nose scrunching up. Dustin couldn’t help laughing too, the noise contagious.

That was all it took. The two friends starting spinning and jumping around each other – El reaching up on her toes to spin Dustin around this time, careening around so hard they had to not laugh when they bumped into other people, with Dustin only faintly aware of onlookers leering at them in confusion (was that girl actually dancing with Dustin Henderson?). It was way more fun then he would’ve ever had dancing with Stacy or any of those other girls. He knew for sure, he wouldn’t be trying to regain control over his breath through his laughter as El leaned her forehead into his shoulder to stifle her own.

“..Seriously, though, El..” Dustin started as they both calmed back down, finding her soft brown eyes “You don’t..have to do this if you really don’t want to..or you, like, want to go wait for Mike or something..”

“..You’re my friend.” El furrowed, questioning why he would even bring it up “I want to dance together.”

Dustin was so surprised at her earnesty, that he honestly didn’t have a reaction. But when El nervously held up her hand and asked if he could spin her around again, Dustin broke out into another grin.

Looks like he wasn’t picked last after all.

They continued to dance around, making each other laugh. Soon, Lucas and Max came up to join in on the party, laughter spread around at the simple, honest fun shared together, even if they looked a bit ridiculous. Lucas and Max rolled their eyes at Dustin’s attempt at the moonwalk, but El just giggled at the silliness – and that was the most important part to Dustin.

The night did eventually have to come to an end. This time, his mom was coming to pick him up, and he waited patiently for the old car to roll up into the parking lot – the music gone, the lights dimmed, and parents milling around as they took their kids home. When Dustin slid into the front seat, his mom immediately had to ask,

“Did you have fun tonight honey?”

Dustin sat back with a deep breath, and then a smile, thinking about how when Mike offered to walk El back to where Hopper was waiting for her, she gave him a wave goodbye.

Eat your heart out, Stacy. An actual, live supergirl wanted to dance with me.

[minileena]

Zookeeper - part 4

prev - next

On that first tour of the little section of the zoo that I was responsible for, I had been excited about my job until Jasper told me that the parvinnet was going to take all my enthusiasm away.

I chuckled to myself at that. Funny how the complete opposite became true.

All my other responsibilities were just chores now. I spent all day thinking about her. Layna. It was… a weird topic to think about. She was just an animal, obviously. We had a gorilla exhibit elsewhere in the zoo, and while none of them knew sign language, I knew that there were gorillas who had been taught to communicate like that. It spoke to a degree of intelligence, but not to the extent that it felt weird to have gorillas in cages at a zoo.

Well. At least no more than it felt weird to cage ANY animal and show them off to strangers at ten bucks for entry. Zoos are kinda fucked up when you think about them too much.

Still, thinking about Layna felt… different. I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. Maybe it was just my brain playing tricks on me because her anatomy was so humanoid. Aside from her eyes and larger, mostly featureless ears, she looked pretty much like a normal human woman. To the extent that I started feeling uncomfortable with the fact that she, uh… didn’t have any clothes.

But, like… she’s not a person. I heard of an octopus in an aquarium that memorized the guard’s schedules and used off-time to sneak into a neighbouring tank to eat extra fish. That was cool and showed off the octopus’s intelligence, but… it’s not a person.

Layna had sounded so depressed and defeated yesterday…

Instead of thinking about the philosophy of personhood and sapience, I tried to reconcile my conflicting emotions by buying a bunch of cool shit for Layna’s tank. I remembered her complaining about not having anything intellectually stimulating, idly tearing at cotton just for something to do. My mind immediately went to toys—anything with moving parts to provide some enrichment for her. But the thought felt… wrong. She wasn’t a bored cat who needed a ball of yarn to bat around.

I came up with a different solution.

“Hey, Layna!” I called as I walked into her room at the end of my rounds.

I was greeted with a grunt. Layna wasn’t in her bed—she was on the opposite side of the tank, fidgeting and fiddling with one of the plastic plants.

“Messing around with the fake foliage?” I prompted as I grabbed her water bowl and cleaned it out.

“What the fuck else am I supposed to do in here?” She huffed.

I smirked. “Funny you should ask that… I brought you a little somethin’-somethin’.”

Layna’s brows furrowed and her attention shifted over to me. And to what I held in my hands.

After thinking about it for a while, I had eventually decided to buy her a little sketchbook. It was about as tall as she was—there wasn’t anything smaller I could find at Michael’s—and while nobody sold drawing utensils that she could use at her size, I tried to find a solution in a broken-off piece of mechanical pencil lead that could act as a drawing utensil of sorts.

Layna stared for a while, so I just set the sketchbook down next to her bed with a smile and returned to her water bowl.

“So… ignoring Jasper’s advice, then?” Layna prompted as she started making her way over to my side of the tank. “What’s that saying again? ‘Give a man an inch, he’ll take a mile?’ You’re, uh… offering me quite a few inches.”

I paused for a moment.

“I… know that,” I conceded. “But… it would feel wrong to not give you a few inches. I don’t quite get why, but… I dunno. It felt, like, correct to come here with this for you.” I set her clean water bowl back down in the cage and gave her a smile. “Anyways, I dunno if you’re an artist at all, but… I guess anything’s better than cotton and plastic foliage?”

Layna had finally made her way over to my side of the tank, looking at the sketchbook I had gotten her. She wore that expression again, the one I always have trouble placing… contemplative, maybe?

“You’re being nice to me because I’ve been cooperative,” Layna concluded. “These are, like, rewards?”

I pursed my lips at that. “I… am not quite sure why, but phrasing it like that feels weird.”

“Maybe because it’s basically pavlovian classical conditioning and that’s kinda fucked up,” Layna muttered as she lifted the sketchbook and brought it over to the glass tank, leaning it against the wall.

My eyes widened a bit. “How… do you know what that is?”

Layna huffed and moved to grab the pencil lead I had left for her. “I’m twenty-two years old. I’ve only been in this tank for three of those. I’m starting to suspect that you kinda just… never consider the fact that I existed outside of the context of these last three years. I had a life before this.”

Layna… is older than me.

I definitely internalized all her words and vowed to think on them more later, but for now that was what my mind was focused on. I was twenty-one. Why was it weird that she was older than me?

“Well, thanks for the reward incentive for my ‘good behaviour’ then, I guess,” Layna said as she started sketching at a level of proficiency that I had NOT been expecting. “You should finish your rounds. The sugar gliders are probably gonna get jealous that I’m taking all of your attention today.”

I nodded with furrowed brows and left to finish up the rest of my work in the room.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

I realized that I had started to consider Evelyn my friend.

It was fair of me to do, I supposed. I was slowly going insane in this cage, after all. Perhaps I had been so deprived of any positive social interaction that the moment she offered me even a hint of kindness I latched onto it like a starving leech, desperate for something, anything to eat.

I would disabuse myself of this notion.

Evelyn was not my friend. She was my warden. These gifts and acts of kindness were intentional moves to try and make me more cooperative. I knew that for a fact. I could prove it.

I had to prove it. Because if she wasn’t my warden, then… she was an opportunity.

I needed to test this.

Once I misbehave, the rewards stop coming. That was the hypothesis.

And I had come up with the perfect experiment to prove it.

I tore out a sheet of paper from the sketchbook and started folding my path out of this cage.

Prev - next

[gwaine-lover]

Hi..,sorry but I feel for you so much. I've never met any other adoptive child before, neither irl nor online and the things that you've been sharing struck me to the heart. I was adopted before I was 1yo too(heck, I even live near Poland, in Belarus) They changed my birth day and I've always felt some kind of strange disconnection to the name they gave me. I knew that I was an adoptive since the age of 7yo and thought it was not a big deal but now I think it affected me, not sure how. (Everyone around knew but me!) My adoptive mother is insane and evil person and I often think that it would have been so much better if I stayed at the orphanage and never met her. Have you ever felt the same?(don't answer) But at the same time I'm sentimental over the parents. It's so complicated and I'm glued to this mess forevermore. Huh. Sorry!

Hi, love.

Hi, neighbour.

Don't be sorry. There is nothing to be for. Sending a lot of hugs your way 🫂💕🫂

I actually do wonder so very often if my life wouldn't be a lot better if i stayed in orphanage instead.

Knowing you are adopted is affecting you, can't imagine it wouldn't. There is always in the back of your head that you weren't wanted. And that somone took pity on you, and took you under thier roof and you should be fucking greatful because you life could've look a lot of worse.

But that's the fucking point. I do not know that. What if it would be a lot of better?

I never actually felt any bond with my adoptive parents. Never have loved them. They never deserved it.

Maybe back in the day they have looked good enough to the court that they were given a child to adopt. But lot of shit came up years later. And i do not have enough forgiveness in me to close my eyes at shit they take me through in my life.

How i could say things over and over again (it's like that even know) and nothing get through to them. Coz they fucking always knew better.

Maybe with biological parents there is some factor, some sort of bond, idk, that makes you think they really have your best interest in mind. But I can't fucking see it here.

Taking child like that, you should fucking know that they might not be how you fucking want them to be. And you should do your best to show them that they are loved. Accept. Free to be whomever they want. And not fucking making them in what you fucking wanted to be and couldn't. Forcing your dreams that doesn't come true on them coz they have opportunities you hadn't and they should use them.

Taking child like that you should be well fucking aware they can not love you back. And that they are not fucking required to do so.

But i guess that's the qualities of a good person, the one who really loves you unconditionally.

There is this quote: "If you love me, you don't love in in the way I understand."

And I think about it so often.

Because this is her fucking excuse to everything 'because I love you'. You are fucking suffocating me, that's what you are doing woman.

Whatever she is doing is so fucking far from the definition of love as it might fucking be. She's controlling, manipulative bitch and i do not want to have anything to do with her.

She should've and should do better, so fucking better. And that weren't and isn't even that hard. But she's fucking cold hearted and close minded and won't fucking see further that tip of her fucking nose.

I'm sorry, i get carried away. But every opportunity when i can ramble about this a little bit and ca get out a bit of this never-ending tons of anger out is actually, every time, a little bit more healing.

About the name and birthdate. It sucks so much. But do you know your original ones?

My name was changed (for better one i think, even if for a long it didn't felt like me) but the birth date stayed the same. i also have my original birth certificate with all the informations. I do also have a way to find out everything about my biological parents, all the data that was collected, in the time i was born. So thier address from twenty years ago for instance. i could probably have find them if i would want too.

i am not sure tho, if i want. They left me for a reason. Do i really want to find people that didn't want me in the first place?

But on the other hand, thier situation back then could have been shit and they might have thought there is better place and future somewhere out there for me? Maybe i would find the bond I'm missing. The unconditional love.

i do not know.

Do you want to or would you want to find your biological parents? It's that what you mean you 'sentimental over parents'?

One thing that i do know and is positive in all of that – it shaped me into who i am. and i do not regret that. i do not take shit from people. i've grown a thick skin. It is fucking shit. And i know i did and do deserve better. But let's look at some of the positives here. I am fighter know. I can shaped my future better.

All this is complicated, and not easy. I'm here always if you want to talk more, or just ramble, like i did here, take some weight out off your shoulders.

Sending lot of love and hugs to you.

I do believe there's have to be some balance in the world and for everything we suffered, or are and were missing there will be something a lot of better waiting or us in the future.

Hold on there, love ❤️🫂

[chateau7afra]

22/10/23

I missed the gentle caw caw noises crows make. The air smelled like wood-smoke and I could hear traditional music coming from my neighbours garden. Um-Ta-Ta music, they call it lovingly. I don't call it that lovingly. I could do without it, but it reminds me of my childhood, so I guess that's a good enough excuse to smile at it while walking by. The mixture between the low setting sun and the warm temperatures is unsetteling in a very subtle kind of way. It's not a crazy juxtaposition, but weird enough to be noticeable.

A small swarm of gnats were frantically flying zig-zag lines through the middle distance. I wondered, if they shouldn't be dead or frozen. By the time we put up halloween decorations, the forest is usually heavily painted in colours other than green, but this year it is still mostly yellow, or lush green.

This was the longest summer of my life. Yet.

It's 9 days until halloween and I still feel like it's late summer. A couple of weeks ago, people were still swimming in the danube. Normal people, not the crazy ice bathing ones.

I always wanted to move somewhere south, which is the central-european way of saying "somewhere warmer", but I never thought, that "south" would so freely move to central europe. Which is again, unsetteling, to say the least.

When I walked to the small creek that is near my family's house, I heard frogs croaking and noticed even more gnats hovering above the water.

Again, they should get ready to be frozen too, in my books.

I watched the crows again, flying circles over the fields, behind them the halfmoon, which has already risen. Beautiful.

Dad came back from the forest and told us, the wild boars ventured out into the fields again. I don't blame them.

They dig up big holes in the fields and the farmers and hunters have to close them again. I'm not exactly sure, what they are looking for. But probably bugs and roots.

I didn't go through the forest yet, to check for mushrooms. I don't look for edible ones, because I am very sure that I would kill myself and others, if I cooked anything I found in the woods. I know what chanterelles and toadstools look like, but that is it. I like to take pictures of them though. Last year I found a couple of fairy rings. That is the thing when mushroom grow in perfect circles. It has something to do with mycellium, but I'd rather think of it as something magical, which is more fun.

Mum harvested some apples and a huge zucchini. We made a ragout and applesauce. It always grounded me, to cook with foods that grow on the farm.

Our farm is situated in a small valley. I am sometimes jealous of the farms and houses, which are on the hills, because they get more sunshine and a better view. We are basically surrounded by forest. Which I don't hate.

Sometimes, we get deer grazing with their little ones, right in front of my window, under the apple trees. The scene feels very peaceful, especially when there is some fog lingering on the field, which happens a lot because of the little stream, that bubbles it's way through the houses.

It feels a little less peaceful during the night. Deer make a sound that seems to not be from this world. You can hear a lot of different sounds in the forest. I've never really see badgers, wild boars and foxes, but they are around. They just don't want me to see them.

Sometimes we find our chicken's eggs in weird places. I love it when that happens. I wish I could pretend it's magic. But it's just ferrets. I still wonder how they transport them so professionally.

I don't blame people from the olden days, for being supersticious and believe in ghosts and all of that. Without the full moon it's pitch black in the forest. For human eyes at least.

I want to be a fox, just for one full moon night and stroll through the forest. Just to see what's going on in there. A night were all the hunters are asleep though.