#so i gave up and went fine ok if I cant actually challenge them when they say shit I'm at least gonna make a char that's as big a hater

[breaking-circles]

[Image Description: Marian Churchland's Dragon Age OC template filled out with Isiik Lavellan, a dalish warrior Inquisitor. Isiik is shown from the waist up, looking warily to the side and crouching slightly. In his right hand, he holds his sword angled up and ready to attack. His left hand is braced out in front of him, the mark glowing a bright green. He is wearing a purple scarf draped over a dark purple jacket with puffy sleeves that end just past his elbows. The jacket tucks into high-waisted brown pants. Under the jacket he is wearing a pale yellow shirt. He has a shield on his back, the strap of which crosses his chest. He is wearing a glove missing its pointer and thumb fingers on his right hand. His dark reddish-brown hair is pulled back in a short ponytail except for two strands that hand on either side of his face. He has Dirthamen's vallaslin, which has smooth, flowing lines on his forehead, cheeks, chin, and along the length of his nose. He is frowning slightly and his brow is furrowed. His long elfin ears are nearly perpendicular to his head, causing him to appear slightly nervous or on edge. He has a pale scar that goes across his lips, reaching from the bottom of his chin to nearly reaching his nose and bisecting some of the vallaslin on his chin. He has heavy bags under his eyes. In the background, faint green lightning fans out from the mark. Next to his head are the words "wow this place is a freakshow. i dont respect literally any of you people." Below the quote is an attribution to "-Neopets User, 2017". Below the drawing, several traits are listed with a line between them to mark where the character falls between the two. Between cautious and reckless, Isiik is very cautious; between selfless and self-serving, he is more self-serving; between emotion-driven and logic-driven, he is more logic-driven; between forthright and dissembling, he is more dissembling; between friendly and unfriendly, he is more unfriendly; between devout and questioning he is extremely devout; and between trusting and suspicious he is very suspicious. Below the traits is a list of his main party: Cole, The Iron Bull, and Vivienne or Solas. Below that, there are a series of symbols that indicate which choices he made throughout the game. The first three indicate he is a sword-and-shield-wielding warrior, who chose the Champion specialization, and romanced no-one. The next row of five indicates he sided with free mages, left Hawke in the fade, preserved the Gray Warden order, gave the Orlesian throne to Gaspard with blackmail to benefit Briala, and drank from the Well himself. End of Image Description]

Ok! Last but not least here's Isiik (pronounced iz-ick), my Inquisitor! He has probably had the MOST change since my first playthrough. He is now an extremely jaded guy who is very much here against his will and refuses to let anyone forget that. His number one goal is getting shit fixed so he can go home and be left alone. The only person he gets along with is Cole and, at times, The Iron Bull. Nearly everyone else has said something to upset him and he holds grudges like a true champion. Basically, I'm living out my 'let me be a hater' feelings through him.

Currently, I'm designing him to be Intersex and Hard of Hearing. I am not part of either of these communities myself so I'm doing my best to research and portray these parts of him as best as possible since I really want to get this right. If anyone has any good suggestions for designing a character with these traits, please know advice, feedback, and critiques are always appreciated :]

Flat versions under the cut, since this post is already too long~

[Image Description: The same drawing as in the first image, though this time without the background or shading, making the colors easier to pick out. In the first of the two drawings, the glowing green mark remains, in addition to a glare on his sword. In the second image, both of those are removed, though a white gash remains where the mark is located. End Description.]

As always, relevant stuff will be in the replies. Thank you for the kind words and such, folks :]

[ijumpbridges]

Do a headcanon of scp 076, scp 049, scp 2396, doctor cleff, doctor iceberg, doctor kondrank, doctor glass on the first date.

First Date!

Ft. Scp 049, Scp 076, Scp 2396, Dr. Clef, Dr. Kondraki, Dr. Glass, Dr. Iceberg.

____ scp 049

Its impressive that you got him out of his lab to go on a date with you.

You were probably the one who suggested and it and he agree to it and decide to plan a picnic and restaurant theme inside his cell

Yall eating ok the floor but the 049-2 dress up as waiters.

Used 049-2 as the ones who would bring food or help around to make the setting for comfortable.

When you came in bringing the food he had the wine cups outside and bottles of stolen wine and the carpet and blankets on the floor.

The dinner was nice, you brought white spaghettini and he complimented it.

He gave you a lots of compliments.

He talked about the pestilence.

And you excuse yourself many times just to cough or sneeze cuz you don’t want to trigger him.

It was annoying, but overall the date was great, but you were removed from his cell.

scp 076

Blink twice you need help.

You date consist on doing physical work so im going to put maybe doing a sport together or taking care of animals in the foundations shelters.

If you chose to do a sport with him, be very careful, since its you are not strong enough to beat him.

It doesn’t matter if he says he will try to go ‘soft’ on you, he will throw you across the room.

If you chose to take care of the animals it would a nice heartwarming moment together, bounding with animals and you helps him a lot.

He was able to wash then and get them ready up to the standards.

You both also played with them afterwards in the artificial park and dog training section.

Throwing balls and training them.

You both would challenge each other, until it went wrong.

You ended up with a broken arm because of him.

When you told your friends they about it laughed at you, but at least 076 defended you to an extend until you told him not to and that it was fine since they were your friends unless it was someone from your outside group.

scp 2396

I think a movie night or a breach contaimenht to a theme park.

You cant chose cuz both thinks happen.

She invited you to watch a movie with her and you agree to it.

When you got to her containment chamber thinking you were going to watch the movie there, she tells you to wait out.

By ‘outside’ you though she meant outside of her chamber not the foundation.

She breach containment and actually made it out and when you heard this you went after her.

Afterwards you went to watch the movie, it was Barbie, she cry and while crying you two had to leave because the foundation had found you.

Luckily it was night and the theme park was close and since you both escape through the back door and no one saw you went to the theme park to calm her down.

You two when to the wheel fortune and got to the top and it felt relaxing and you even got a small conversation before a light from a helicopter showed up pointing at both of you.

A whole MTF squad showed up and took you both from the top.

They made you both climb up to the helicopter and went back tot he foundation.

Dr. Clef

Blink twice if you need help.

It was suppose to be a restaurant date night, but all went side ways and shit the fan and you are on the run with him.

The dinner date was not going great, the guy was being weird.

You kept your cool even with his weird comments.

Then a breach containment happen, this was a perfect time, since you could ditch the date.

But no, you see Clef told you he was going to take you to somewhere safe.

And you follow him, he took out his gun and then it was too late for you to make any decisions.

This man, brought you to the anomaly and not only that he started to provoke it.

So, now you that you are in danger you had to put your nerves aside and get your flight or fight reflex if you want to make it out alive.

He did a good job on containing that anomaly and he even protected you and hand you a gun to kill off any remaining of the anomaly.

Then you both got something to drink and part ways since its been a long night, afterwards you realize that he wasn’t so bad.

Dr. Kondraki

He took you to take picture with 408.

They were adorable and really friendly towards you.

They even surrounded you.

And he took a pic of that since he thought it looked cute, but he will never admit that.

He will take you around and bring you to the bar.

While you two talked he tried to control himself on the drinking.

But how could he if you were also tipsy too?

At the end of the date both of you only got tipsy not drunk, but a little which it was great for him.

You two mostly talked about anything and everything that wasn’t work related, he showed his works on photography and you showed him your hobbies and the things you achieve from it.

He dropped you off and then he went home.

It was a great night, you two really bonded, might as well get another date too.

Dr. Glass

He asks you out and you agree to a dinner night.

You two went actually out of the foundation to get dinner and wine together.

Being away from the foundation was actually nice and you two had a nice moment.

Until one of his client shows up at the dinner.

Like out of nowhere and uninvited saying he was looking for him cuz something fucked just happen to them.

And not only that just like a hardworking ants more two more came behind him. One was an Scp the other was a mtf chasing after it.

Then more people started to come in asking for your help, you and Simon looked at each other and sight in sync.

The date had to be cancel and reschedule, but you both got the left overs of your dinner and bought some wine.

Then you meet up at his place and set up a theme and mood for a dinner and had fun again talking.

The night went great with him.

Dr. Iceberg

Remember to blink twice if you need help.

And take pepper spray you will need it.

You either grab coffee in the morning or grab a drink at the end of your shift.

It was with mix feelings.

The guy will show some of his red flags.

Talking about the foundation and how they wont give him a promotion.

Ngl, it was a good vibe at first but then the guy was full of himself and probably made you uncomfortable.

You tried listening and giving him advice and everything and he took them to heart.

He tried touching you and you might have flinch med a little with how clod they were.

So, you tried to make room for you to talk about and he might have criticized some of the stuff that you say.

The end of the date the whole thing was on thin ice so it depends if you both reach out for another date.

[izumistrauma]

i need u to tell me everything ever about shu itsuki i need 2 know everything abt her (NOT forced i am just very interested

OKAY SO I HAVE NOT READ ANY EX VALK REMINISCENCE EVENTS SO PLEASE TAKE ALL OF THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT

ok soooo shu. the bestie ever i produce her !! uhm

growing up shu was rlly feminine and was interested in dolls and stuff and was bullied for it . shemet kuro who was her best friend and protected her until. smth happened i think one of them moved i forgot .(and also she was attached to kuros mom who taught her how to sew and stuff but then said mom Died so) so she went thru middleschool getting bullied again and shit??

obvs past shu was Not a good person . during ex valkyrie era when she was in a unit with mika and nazuna she treated them rlly poorly, managed their entire lives, they were just her dolls (which is a mindset that to this day mika is having trouble shaking) . and then the war started and due to exvalks incredible talent and stuff shu was one of the 5 eccentrics (most talented kids in the school but were blamed for the school being absolute shit and were subjected to endless harassment etc etc) yeah

nazuna hit puberty and his voice started changing so they ended up using prerecordings of their old songs bc nazuna didnt fit shus image anymore, then they were challenged by ex-fine (eichis unit) and during their performance the cords were cut and they had to perform unrehearsed and valkyrie went to shit . that was like the breaking point for shu and she ended up splitting mademoiselle (who i believe is somewhat a factive of kuro's mom?) and shutting herself in. after that nazuna left valkyrie which fucked shu up even more and mika like. nursed her back 2 health bc its the least he cld do to repay her

shu ended up realizing how poorly she treated mika nd nazuna and is now treating mika as. more of an equal than before?? bc mikas still in valkyrie with her. and like. shes trying 2 break mika of the doll mindset that She Gave Him and. shes TRYING okay

and now shes also like. an asshole still but /pos?? perfectionist but like shes trying. to be nice. sometimes. shes somewhat okay in society but she needs mademoiselle's doll (a comfort item for both shu and mado) in public bc w/o it she lets her mind wander a lot and shit and she cant do much in frnt of cameras so mika does it all . but yeah

the wiki says she "does ventriloquism" for mademoiselle's doll but like thats actually mado talking and using the doll for comfort . or smth another shu split and entrusted part of her personality to the doll yeah thats just ableist so i interp it differently,

she makes the outfits for valkyrie nd refuses to let anyone other than herself and mika touch them,,, she also usually refuses to eat anything not made by her own self so like Thats A Problem .. uhmmmm

also she canonically uses he/him but bro... transfem she/her shu wins always

idrk anything else to say. tldr shu best girl stan shu im in love

[leelee10898]

A miss match Christmas: matched for disaster.

Hello everyone! Hope you all are having fun reading and writing these awesome Christmas fics! This is my submission for our 12 days of fictmas: 2020 edition, hosted by myself and @emichelle . This comes from the VIP book miss match.. granted the book is not over but, im my head Jack x MC (Callie) have both become CEO of two's company and are married.. this jumps a few years into the future.

The sound of heels could be heard on the slick marbled floor from down the hall. He kept his head forward, eyes trained on the laptop in front of him. As the clicking grew closer, his lips curled up into a smile. "I thought you were heading home?" He could hear the laugh in her voice, he finally looked up to meet her eyes. Those eyes, that intoxicating smile, it was what drew him in the first time they met. It was 4 years ago on valentines day, in her fathers crowded bar. "I could say the same for you." He chuckled. 

She walked over to the desk, standing behind him leaning down to see what he was working on. Her long brown hair brushed against his cheek.   "Last minute additions to the Christmas party, Jack?" She eyed him, he casually shrugged his shoulders. "And how many clients will be in attendance now?" Her fingers hovered over the mouse, clicking the guest list, her eyes widened in shock.  "He is coming?" Jack gave her a knowing look as she stood up striaght.  "Now Callie, I know what you're thinking but, wasn't it you who said, and I quote 'everyone deserves to find love, no matter what' ?" He gave her a smug smile. 

"Yes," Callie spoke through gritted teeth. "But this guy is accident prone. We will have to tie the decorations down with steel ropes, not to mention no open flames. The wait staff will need helmets.." she began to ramble. Jack chuckled as he stood to calm his pacing partner. "It will be ok,Callie. Just relax." 

Two weeks later… 

Callie stood toeards the back of the room, her eyes constantly scanning for the one person she would have to be on constant look out for. The worry leaving a crease between her eyes. "Have you moved from this spot at all?" She heard his smooth baritone come up beside her. 

"No." She casually spoke, not taking her eyes off the door. Jack shook his head, a small chuckle escaping him as he handed her a champagne flute. "You're cute when you're flustered,Cal. Just Relax." 

Just as he spoke a tall man came into view, callie sucked in a panicked breath and sat her glass on the table. Jack placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and turned her face towards his with his free hand. "We will approach him together, he is here to find a match just like everyone else is." Callie nodded and the two crossed the room.  

"Thomas Haught, it's good to see you again. You remember my partner,Callie?" Jack spoke, extending his hand. Thomas reached out to shake it, missing completely and knocking the glass out of Jack's other hand. 

"Jack." Callie groaned under her breath. 

"I am so, so sorry Jack." Thomas apologized. "I am such a klutz, maybe I shouldn't have come." 

"It's ok Tom,You are perfectly fine. Try to relax, everyone is here for the same reason. Why dont you grab a bite to eat and we will meet up in a few." Jack smiled politely. 

Thomas nodded and headed towards the elaborate buffet table,Callie began to panick "Jack, you just sent him to get food, alone. There are flames under those trays, what if he," callies eyes widened in horror as she watched Thomas's sleeve catch fire.  It was quickly put out by a server. "You see!" She shrieked. 

"Ok, so maybe Toms a little bit accident prone. Which is why we need to find someone who is a great care giver for him." He chuckled, Callie rolled her eyes and walked away. 

As the night went on Callie tailed Thomas. In his wake he managed to trip a waiter carrying a full tray of cranberry and brie with crackers. Knocked over the ice sculpture and elbowed a match maker in the face, blackening his eye.  Tom sat at a table alone, Callie was able to relax a little as she watched him slump his shoulders in defeat. If he was sitting, he couldn't be that much of a threat. 

Thomas was a handsome man, he was tall and had a thin build. He was in his early thirties and a client of the company's for several years. He was thought to be an 'un matchable' but that didn't stop Jack from trying. She recalled his file in her head. The man volunteered with underprivileged children, he owned his own company and was a volunteer fire fighter.  How he managed to not cause more damage with that last part was beyond her. 

As she stood there staring at him, she began to feel that familar feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had spent so much time preparing for disaster that she could not let herself willingly try to match this man. That's when the match maker spark came to life.  "I know that look, you found your fire." Jacks strong arms wrapped around her waist. "I told you to stop fighting yourself, you were going to lose." He chuckled as his lips found the base of her neck. 

"Why is it that the man can rush into burning buildings without falling through the steps, or the place falling in on him. But he can't walk an open room without tripping on a loose thread in the carpet?" She softly hummed. 

"It's probably the adrenaline, that and a mix of confidence." Jack answered.  "When is this party over again?" His lips exploring her exposed skin. 

"That's it!" She quickly spun around in his arms. "You're a genius,Jack! And that's why I married you." She quickly kissed him. "You're a genius." She murder against his lips before turning and walking away. 

"What did I do? No clue?" He spoke to himself, shaking his head and following her across the room. 

"Having a good time, Thomas?" The sound of  Callies voice made Thomas jump up. His knees hit the table and knocked over several drinks and his chair. "I'm so sorry, why am I such a spaz?" Thomas groaned as he lifted a glass off the table. "It's ok Tom, just leave it. The staff will clean it up." By this time Jack had joined the two, giving Callie a confused look. 

"Walk with us, will you?"  Callie motioned to Thomas. Thomas wrung his hands nervously, tripping over his own feet. "This is hopeless, maybe I should just go home.  I can't even walk without tripping over my own feet, how am I supposed to find love? I would probably accidentally harm them somehow." 

Callie held up her hand, motioning around the room at the various people. Some couples that had just connected, others just mingling trying to find a spark. "Do you think any one of these people are perfect? That they don't all have some kind of quirk? Some personal issues? Because I will tell you, nobody is perfect. Tell me Thomas do you have any mishaps when you're running into a burning building?" 

Tomas searched his mind. "Ah, no. No I can't say that I have." 

"And why do you think that is?" She pressed.  

"Adrenaline? I don't have time to think I just do it." He shrugged, a smile spread across her face as Thomas began to connect the dots. 

"I think you have the potential to be a great someone to somebody, you just need to stop over thinking it and be yourself." Callie patted him on the shoulder. Thomas looked to Jack who nodded his head in agreement.  "She's right you know. She's always right." 

As the three stood there, Jack with his arms around Callie and Thomas scanning the room with a new found sense of pride, he noticed a couple getting a little too hot and heavy by the enormous 10 foot Christmas tree. He watched in horror as it began to sway just as a pretty petite dark haired woman stood right in the path of destruction.  Thomas set off in a sprint across the room, he grabbed the woman by the waist yanking her out of the way just in time as the tree crashed to the ground. The pair tumbled on the floor, Thomas landing practically on top of the woman. 

Callie and Jack ran over to the pair as Thomas perched up to look down on the raven haired beauty, shock written all over her face.

"I'm sorry for the crash landing miss but, I couldn't let such a gorgeous creature be crushed to death by a massive tree." He gave her a cheesy grin as he helped her up. 

"Oh my god, Maggie are you ok?" Callie wrapped her assistant in her arms. 

"I'm perfect, thanks to my Hero over here. " Maggie blushed as she motioned towards Thomas. 

" oh im no hero miss." He gave her a bashful smile. 

"Anyone who risks being impaled by a rogue tree is definitely a hero in my book. I owe you one." Maggie flirted.  

"All in a day's work, mam." Thomas blushed awkwardly.  He looked to callie and Jack, callie giving him an encouraging nod. 

"Would you ah, would you like to grab a drink?" 

Maggie looked to Callie and Jack, twos companys no dating clients or co-workers policy used to be iron clad, until Jack and Callie showed Veronica just how stupid the rule could be. Technically it wasn't encouraged to date clients but, Maggie wasn't a match maker and Thomas was actually perfect for her. 

"You two have fun." Callie winked as she grabbed Jack by the arm leading him away as the banquet halls staff began cleaning up the tree fiasco. They walked out onto the balcony, the cold New York air causing immediate goosebumps on callies skin. Jack noticed, shrugging off his jacket and draping it Over her shoulders. "You know if you asked me 4 years ago if I would be here, like this in this moment I would have told you, you were crazy." He spoke softly, his gaze fixed on his wife. " of course I always knew I would be CEO." He gave a cocky chuckle. 

"And now?" She challenged. 

"Now I cant begin to believe my life. I never thought I would share everything with someone I am truly head over heels in love with. I love you Callie Munroe, you never stop amazing me with everything you do. And just when I think you couldn't possibly amaze me more, you go and give us a family." 

Callies eyes widened, she hadn't told him yet. She found out they were expecting a week ago and planned on telling him Christmas morning. "How did you know?" 

"I know everything about you, Callie. I can not wait to be a dad, this will be our greatest chapter yet. Merry Christmas." He leaned in placing a soft kiss to her forehead.  

"Merry Christmas, Jack." 

******☆☆☆☆☆******

Tag list : Writers : @texaskitten30 @Leelee10898 @emichelle @zaffrenotes @alj4890 @burnsoslow @kat-tia801 @darley1101 @msjr0119 @annekebbphotography @god-save-the-keen @plumeriavibes @ofpixelsandscribbles @camillemontespan @ao719 @cocomaxley @cordoniansgonewild @twinkleallnight @the-soot-sprite @cordoniantrash @axwalker @innerpostmentality @lucy-268 @janezillow @katedrakeohd  

Readers : @mom2000aggie @sfb123 @bbrandy2002 @debramcg1106 @desireepow-1986 @speedyoperarascalparty @hopefulmoonobject  

[qboo78]

Episode 11 thoughts

There is just a lot of things to unpack about the truth & dare scene and the confession scene. It is all thanks to such amazing cast and their great acting that there is a lot of nuance to those scenes... it makes the scenes work so well and the things that are left unsaid is even conveyed...

first off it started with the bottle pointing to Yi Seo, with Yi Seo not very happy to receive truth questions, then everyone reacted with wanting to ask questions anyway but Sae Ro Yi seems fine just letting this one pass, then Geun Soo, this sly boy, called him out and ask him if he has any questions for her. Sae Ro Yi being put on the spot looked at Yi Seo gauging her reaction, while Yi Seo is of course suddenly amenable with receiving questions if it comes from her Sa Jang Nim lol, I found it very telling how Hyun Hyi is very interested on what Sae Ro Yi will ask, but Sae Ro Yi looking at Yi Seo seems to sense her vulnerability and decided to not ask any questions and said “Not really, I know everything about her”. Yi Seo took the words as like Sae Ro Yi saying I’m not really that interested in anything more about her... but, what was telling was Hyun Hyi’s reaction to Sae Ro Yi’s words and actions, maybe because Hyun Hyi is so much older than Yi Seo but she seems to understand why Sae Ro Yi refrained from asking any questions, Hyun Hyi’s smile at Sae Ro Yi seemed to imply “Aww, he does not want to put her on the spot, that is sweet” and she seems to not be surprised about that, can I say that Hyun Hyi feels like a Sae Ro Yi x Yi Seo shipper like me lol. I like that Sae Ro Yi listened to Yi Seo and understood that she is not really comfortable with this game, but I also know that Yi Seo’s vulnerability that she showed when she welcomed Sae Ro Yi to ask questions was because she wants to see if Sae Ro Yi will be interested in her enough to ask questions, it’s a case of these two looking at the situation on different perspectives and it seems only Hyun Hyi is clever enough to pick up on both. Yeah, I love how they acted this part. Then Geun Soo, being young, determined and greedy in love, just do not have the maturity to demonstrate what true loving is about proceeded to demolish Yi Seo’s plan ruthlessly. He started off by staking his claim by saying that Yi Seo has made an implied promise to him that she will accept his suit if he takes over Jangga and asked her if she remembered that. Again, kudos to Park Seo Joon for the subtle acting, when Sae Ro Yi heard those words of Geun Soo, you could see if you really pay attention how Sae Ro Yi lost his smile after hearing those words... It seems Sae Ro Yi is actually bothered by what was being said. He does not seem to be happy that Geun Soo and Yi Seo have an understanding. Seung Kwon then ask Yi Seo, if there was something going on between them, Yi Seo said an emphatic No while on the background you could see Sae Ro Yi is still looking at Geun Soo with a not happy expression on his face which is at a contrast to Soo Ah's reaction who does not really care about what is happening hehe.. you could see Sae Ro Yi and Yi Seo have identical expressions of not being happy at the situation on their faces...

He seems out of it too coz he was startled when Yi Seo told him “Sa Jang Nim, it’s not like that” like he shut down for a second and then when he said “OK” he doesn’t seem to truly believe her...

Again, Hyun Hyi is really after my own heart because she was quick to get Seung Kwon to change the subject and she even said it's not fun.

Then we got the first kiss question and Sae Ro Yi seem to have froze before he could answer the question lol... Yi Seo liked the idea that she was the first kiss lol even though for me it doesn't really qualify since she did it while Sae Ro Yi was drunk, which she should not have done in the first place lol. Then next we got the Are you just friends with Soo Ah question and how Sae Ro Yi responded to that question was just... i dont know how to explain how off his response was it was like he was just reading the phone book... he gave more emotions when he was talking about Yi Seo's importance to Danbam in the other episode smiling and saying "I can't imagine Danbam without Yi Seo", He said "I like Soo Ah" but he does not seem happy about it, he did not smile, he did not even once looked at Soo Ah in this whole scene not once but if its regarding Yi Seo, he would look her in the eyes and he just keeps on looking at her in this scene. Again Sae Ro Yi is just clueless about his own feelings i think, it could just be my shipper heart but Im just not convinced... Soo Ah seems to be touched with his reply but is not so happy about it? Sigh, she said she likes Sae Ro Yi but yeah just not buying them as a unit yet...

Then because Geun Soo seems to be in a self destructive mood he went ahead and ask Sae Ro Yi AGAIN if he has feelings for Yi Seo... Sae Ro Yi's reaction was instantaneous like "This again??" and he does not like the question but he also looks challenged by Geun Soo, then he looked to Yi Seo again gauging her reaction, the previous question about Soo Ah he never once looked at Soo Ah lol... this makes me think, why Sae Ro Yi? why the hesitation? Why you have to think about what your feelings are for Yi Seo? Why are you looking at Yi Seo right now before answering? What are you looking for to find in her expression?" Like Seung Kwon said "What kind of question is that? Isn't it obvious?"

After looking at Yi Seo, maybe he saw again her vulnerability and seem to decide on something, i mean kudos again to Seo Joon for his acting coz he did a clenching of his jaw then answered the question. See what I mean on how Yi Seo can bring out Sae Ro Yi's emotions while about Soo Ah, he is just like an automaton lol. If Sae Ro Yi truly did not have any feelings for Yi Seo, he would just immediately and simply said no to Geun Soo... why he had to qualify how he looks at Yi Seo with "dong saeng (younger sister) and partner?" I might be reading too much into this but....it just feels like Sae Ro Yi is lying or hiding something... I could be wrong but that is how I see it the way Seo Joon acted that scene like there is something happening beneath the surface coz the tension was just so thick... poor Yi Seo just cant help reacting to his words though, my heart just went out to her, i mean she was already hurt and wounded with Sae Ro Yi's declaration of "I like Soo Ah" and she was able to hold her hurt feelings in but hearing the words of "No (to having feelings). Not even once." would just be too hurtful for a person crazy in love... I don't want to see Yi Seo hurting because I just love her but Kim Dami's acting here was just so heart renching in a good way... It just felt so real and just make me relate to her so much... I am so thankful that Kim Dami is the one playing Yi Seo, if it were someone else I do not think I would enjoy and love Yi Seo so much as much as I do, I mean I would still appreciate Yi Seo’s character a lot but Kim Dami playing Yi Seo is just phenomenal... it was the same reaction I got when I first watch Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock and Martin Freeman as John Watson.... their acting was just top notch and breathtaking...anyways this is already a long post and I will continue my thoughts (review?) on my next post... the confession scene will be next...

[musicaltheatrewannabe]

farmboy - a seblos oneshot <3

sooo while i was on my 12 hour flight i was craving new content and decided to write some... this is basically a cute farm scene / confession of feelings <3 also someone posted about one of seb’s cows being named milky white and i thought that was amazing and used it, but i cant find the post so lmk if you know! ok pls enjoy:)

update: it was @dazesanddoodles !!

Carlos was overwhelmed. He had known that Seb lived on a farm, but he hadn’t really known what that would look like. He definitely hadn’t thought it would be this big, with the open fields going on and on into the distance in front of them. “Wow,” was all he could manage, and Seb laughed.

“Come on, I’ll show you around- you can meet the family,” Seb grinned and started out onto the grass, looking back to see if Carlos was following him.

He was not. Seb stopped in his tracks and sighed. “Does it get really muddy?” Carlos asked, concerned for his new blue converse. He really shouldn’t have worn them today, but he had just wanted to impress Seb.

“No it doesn’t, relax!” Seb reassured him, beckoning for him to follow again. Then, without looking down, he added, “your cute blue shoes will be fine.”

Carlos blushed, giddy at the fact that Seb had noticed them. Oh well, the shoes had served their purpose in that case, and could do with getting a bit worn in. He took a careful step onto the grass and then hurried to catch up to Seb. It smelled like manure, but the instant he saw Seb’s face beaming with pride, he stopped noticing the smell and couldn’t help but chuckle. Seeing Seb in his element like this, pausing to pet and introduce every animal to him, Carlos felt special, like he might actually matter to Seb. And he hadn’t realized, but he had never really felt like that, at least not in a while, and definitely never like this.

“And this old girl is Milky White” Seb giggled and looked up at Carlos.

“Oh my god, are you serious? Into the Woods?” Carlos laughed and moved tentatively closer to the cow, “you’re such a nerd!” He was trying to be sarcastic, but Seb’s grin was contagious and he really couldn’t conceal his nervous energy.

Seb laughed and, without taking his eyes off of Carlos, said “I’ll definitely take that as a compliment! You know you can pet her- I mean, if you want, no pressure, but she’s really the sweetest thing...” he trailed off and looked back at Milky White in adoration. She responded with a huff of air and a flick of her fly-covered tail.

“I’m not so sure, animals don’t usually like me...” Carlos hesitated, tapping his foot on the grass, “I had a pet fish that kept trying to jump out of its bowl to get away from me.”

Seb laughed, rubbing Milky White between the ears before shifting to the side to make room for Carlos. “Don’t worry, she won’t run away, she likes you already!”

Carlos nervously bit his lip- he still wasn’t convinced. “How do you know?” he challenged Seb, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, Milky White loves me, and I like you so, uh, by association, you’ll be fine!” Seb blushed and Carlos’ lips dropped open ever so slightly in surprise. They had gone to homecoming together and had been flirting ever since, but neither of them had actually verbally acknowledged their feelings for the other. Carlos reached out a tentative hand and placed it on Milky White’s back, staring at the cow to avoid Seb’s eyes but with an inevitable smile creeping up on his lips. Seb put his hand on top of Carlos’, startling him, and moved it gently over the cow’s back. Seb’s voice went soft, to a timbre Carlos had never heard before. “There you go, see? She loves you.”

Carlos finally let himself meet Seb’s eyes, the two pairs of glasses sending their reflections back to each other as the sky reached the pink-orange shade of sunset around them. He cleared his throat, “I mean, it’s all thanks to you. She must know that I like you, so, by association...” he trailed off and they both laughed. Carlos looked back at the cow, rubbing her between the ears, “you really are a sweetheart, Seb must have raised you right.”

Seb smiled even wider and said “well, she is my favorite! But don’t tell the other cows, they get jealous.”

A look of genuine worry crossed Seb’s face and Carlos laughed, grabbing his hand. “Hey, thanks for showing me all of this. I never thought that I of all people would appreciate farmland, but it really is so beautiful.”

Seb chuckled and beamed at the boy in front of him. “I’m just being a good host, but I’m glad you like it.” His gaze lingered on Carlos for a moment but then he glanced down at their hands and quickly squeezed before letting go. “So!” He took a step back and threw his hands in the air, doing a little spin, “this ends our tour of the farm!”

Carlos just looked at him in sheer disbelief of this boy’s very existence and the fact that he actually liked him. With a sudden burst of confidence, Carlos took a deep breath and said “no, it doesn’t.” Seb looked a little confused before Carlos closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around the blonde boy’s neck and kissing him. Seb’s eyelids fluttered shut at the sensation and a few moments later, after the initial shock subsided, he kissed back. Carlos was immediately hyper-aware of his heart racing in his chest, his lips on Seb’s, and Seb’s arms wrapping around his back to pull him impossibly closer. It was like the feeling he had whenever they danced together, but exponentially amplified. Carlos ran his hand through Seb’s hair, cherishing the feeling before pulling away, Seb’s mouth chasing his as they parted.

Seb reached up to adjust his crooked glasses and then did the same for Carlos, his hand lingering on the other boy’s frames for a few seconds. “Right, ok, so that was the end of the tour” he giggled, unable to take his eyes off of Carlos.

“Yeah, wow, that was very bold of me” Carlos blushed, “I can’t believe that just happened...” He stared at his feet, his confidence fading as quickly as it had come.

Their silence was interrupted when Milky White flicked her tail at Seb, urging him to respond. He laughed and said “well I’m very glad it did, because I do really like you- if that wasn’t obvious.”

Carlos chuckled and rolled his eyes, “well ok, I really like you too, but we all knew that, huh Milky White?” He gave the cow one last pat and Seb couldn’t help but smile at how comfortable Carlos was becoming with her.

Seb took Carlos’ hand, swinging it and saying “come on, I’ll show you the house now!” With a skip in his step, he pulled Carlos along behind him.

“You’re so cute, farmboy,” Carlos grinned as he hurried after Seb, the sun finally going down around them.

[idreamofhazel]

All Work, No Play

Requested by @murielthemagicalgirl​: Reader crushes hard on Sam and works from time to time together with the boys. And she's introverted and a usually mature and serious person. But when she accidentally sees Sam without his shirt she gets hella flustered and awkward and Dean grins from ear to ear and teases her because of it until she confesses maybe that she indeed likes his brother, not knowing that said is standing behind her

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: just fluff

Your machete sliced cleanly through the neck of a falling vampire. As the body thumped to the floor, you drug the blade across your jacket with two quick swipes.

“You’re going to need some tide pens for that.” Dean Winchester stood behind you, chuckling to himself.

A quick glance around the room showed you that the last of the nest was fallen. The bloody mess had splattered and pooled on the victorian rug beneath your feet. There might have been some pieces of salvageable furniture elsewhere in the house but none in this room. Four dead vampires had stained the parlor with red. It was very Addam’s Family meets The Walking Dead. You picked up the arms of a vampire who fell across the velvet footrest and drug it across the floor. You dropped her on top of the one you just killed and headed for another one.

“What’s up with the pile? Or vamp-ile, if you will.” Dean couldn’t contain the pleasure he derived from coming up with that joke.

You dumped another body in your pile. Out of the corner of your eye, Sam knudged Dean with his shoulder and began to help you with the clean up task. When you thought no one could see your face, you smiled to yourself. You appreciated the help.

“I never knew a hunter that could smile about their work like that.” Dean was suddenly beside you, his voice in your ear.

“I never knew a hunter that cracked so many jokes on the job,” you said.

“Jokes keep the sanity alive, sweetheart.”

“Dean,” Sam chided from across the room.

“She’s worked with us enough times to know my style,” Dean said.

“And you’ve worked with me enough to know mine,” you shot back.

That elicited a smug smile from Sam.

Your cheeks grew hot as Sam looked at you with pride. Your cleverness was instantly cut back. No matter how confident you were, one look from Sam turned you into a stuttering mess.

“I know you won’t come celebrate with us,” Dean said, “All work, no play. It’s really sad.”

“I’ll go.” You faced the opposite direction of the Winchesters, bagging a vampire head. You could feel their wide eyes on the back of your head.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to take your notes or, or clean your knives?” Sam didn’t mean his question as a jab.

You smiled at his memory of your habits before turning around. “No. I’ll just do it tomorrow. Come on,” you said, slipping your knife into your boot and throwing the garbage bag full of heads over your shoulder, “It’s time to have some fun. Let’s party. Or whatever you do.”

Sam and Dean exchanged a glance as you walked out the stained glass door. The tattered blanket covering the glass gave up and fell to the floor as the lock clicked into place. Dean mouthed Fun?; Sam shrugged. Sam had never seen you with a drink in your hand, let alone in a bar. The thought of it made him worry that something else was going on. He’d have to ask you when Dean wasn’t around.

Being in a bar was an uncomfortable experience. You could handle hunting challenges with tact and grace but the dynamics of the drinking scene disoriented you. You alternated your attention between the stray threads on your shirt and taking sips of your jack and coke. Dean played pool for gas money while Sam sat next to you, finishing his second beer.

“So, honestly,” Sam said, “What made you decide to come out here? You trying to prove something to Dean?”

His smile was teasing and overwhelming.

“Uh, no. I,” you began, your cheeks growing hot, “I guess I-”

“Hey Sam!” Dean called out. You both turned your heads to the sound. Dean motioned Sam over from across the bar, “New game! Teams!”

“Hold that thought,” Sam said apologetically.

He took off towards the pool table, leaving you with the rest of your answer hanging on the tip of your tongue. The Winchester Pool Games lasted as long as Dean felt a winning streak. You’d have to explain another night, whenever you ran into Sam and Dean again.

You sucked your jack and coke dry, staring down the barrel of the straw until the last drop was gone. Dean whooped behind you. Maybe it was time to join the fun.

You grabbed a handful of peanuts, swung around on your stool, and hopped off. Sam was leaning over the pool table, the arch of his back displayed gracefully. He adjusted his pool stick with deliberation, his shirt hovering over the edge of the table, his hair falling over his cheek. He hit the cue ball with accuracy, sinking in two of the opponent’s with one strike, then stood proudly.

The other two men grimaced, unaware that Sam had such precision. There was a fair amount of money on the line.

You wandered over to a table with a satisfactory view of the game. Sam winked at you as one of their opponents tried to sink a ball but grumbled when he missed. The alcohol in your system gave you the sense to smile back with a laugh.

The stolen glances continued and ended when Dean declared victory with a sunken eight ball. They had played four games and won each of them. Sam bought three victory beers and handed one to you. Your eyes fell to the floor as the confidence you had wore off.

By the end of the beers, exhaustion had creeped up on all of you. You unanimously declared the night over, getting up to leave the bar in unison. Dean grabbed your shoulder from behind before you reached the door. Sam kept walking.

“Hey, you’re staying at the same motel as us, right?” he said, glancing over as Sam walked out the door.

“Yeah, why?”

“Can you come to our room? I wanna talk to you about something. I’ll send you a text when we’re decent.” He added a smirk but his request seemed off.

“Uhh, sure.”

“Cool.” Dean patted your shoulder then let his hand fall as he took off after Sam.

He left you standing in the middle of the bar without an explanation but with a hoard of questions. A deep voice slurred from across the bar. “You all alone now?”

There could only be about two reasons why Dean would ask you to his room. One, he was going to play a prank, or two, he or both Winchesters had been keeping a secret from you that had life-or-death ramifications.

The voice called out again. “He-eey you wanna drank I sayd?”

You were in the mood for none of it. You stalked out the door, letting it bang loudly behind you. Dean, or both, would hear it from you if one of them had decided to do something stupid again like sell their souls.

The text came shortly after you brushed your teeth and changed into sweats. You knocked four times on the thin, wooden door and waited. Dean took a long time to answer for someone who was expecting a guest.

The door flew open and instead of Dean’s face, Sam’s bare chest greeted you.

“Hey Y/N, what’s up?” Sam said.

“I, uh, Dean said he’d be here, but I guess I, I heard wrong. Sorry.” You kept your eyes anywhere but on his freshly showered six-pack. You noticed his pajama pants were plaid but you had to be careful where you looked there, too. You looked up but darted when you met his eyes. Then you moved down to his feet. They were bare.

“You can come in and wait for him if you want.” Sam was acting nonchalant. Way too nonchalant.

“No that’s ok.” You turned on your heels and fled.

Well that was stupid! Could you have handled that situation any more poorly!

“Hey Y/N!” Dean.

You stopped next to a row of vending machines, the light from their displays revealing Dean’s smug face.

“You said to meet you in your room. I went to your room. You were not there.”

“Well I’m here.”

You glowered at him. “I think you know what I mean.”

“I don’t think I do.”

You threw back your head and sighed. “You knew Sam would be there by himself.”

“Why is that a problem?”

“Because he was shirtless when he opened the door!”

Dean chuckled to himself. “I can’t say anything about what Sam chooses to do when I’m not there.”

Your cheeks grew hot again. “That’s not the point!” you sighed, “I can tell by the look on your face that you orchestrated this whole set up.”

“Set up for what?”

“You know exactly what.”

“Ooh, because you have a massive crush on my little brother?”

“Yes! Fine! Ok? And you knew he’d be there, probably shirtless, and you knew I’d answer the door completely unprepared and make myself look like an idiot!”

“You didn’t look like an idiot, Y/N,” Sam said.

Sam.

You spun around. Now he wore a gray t-shirt paired with his sneakers and a facetious grin.

“Why are you here!” you cried.

He chuckled. “I wanted to get a snack.” He gestured towards the machines.

“I’m sorry.” You shook your head. “I didn’t really know what was going on.”

“So you don’t actually have a massive crush on me?”

“Well I-”

“Because that would be disappointing,” Sam said. His eyes never wavered from your face.

Your heart picked up speed as if it were going to fly out of your throat and the butterflies in your stomach felt more like a flock of hummingbirds.

Sam reached his hand for your elbow and pulled you close. You didn’t protest.

“I’ve actually waited a long time to do this,” he whispered to you.  

“Me too,” you breathed out.

Sam responded with a beaming smile before his lips met yours. The kiss wasn’t perfect; there were nose bumps, but it was everything you imagined it would be. You melted. Sam was a great kisser.

“Uh guys, I’m still here,” Dean said.

Sam didn’t stop so neither did you. You wiggled your arm out of his hold and waved Dean off. This is what he wanted after all, for you and Sam to finally admit your feelings for one another. How it was happening was all his fault really. You felt Sam smile against your lips and you mirrored him, putting your arms around his neck and pulling him closer, basking in the glow of an off-brand soda machine and a blinking vacancy sign. Having fun was the best decision you ever made.

Tags:

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[notimetoblog]

Falling

Summary: A broken bone could not lead to anything good, right? Well, maybe Dr. Barnes could change your mind. 

A/N: Hi! You guys have been too kind on my last few one-shots! It warms my heart every time I get a notification. This is my entry for @sgtjbuccky 3k challenge. A huge congrats to her. She’s incredibly talented and I just cant say that enough! I chose the DoctorAU! prompt from her list of prompts. I was really excited to write this one, so I hope you enjoy it (its a little long and probably medically inaccurate lol I just couldnt stop) .  Thank you so much for reading!

“Son of a—” you shouted. 

I bet you can’t skate past that tree, your friend, Pete, had said during one of your constant banters. You had been taking a stroll in a nearby park trying to catch-up after very busy weeks, but his words made you stop suddenly. You felt your competitive side bubble up leading you to rip his skateboard out of his hand convincing yourself that you could prove him wrong. How hard could skateboarding even be? You just pushed yourself with one foot, and then, well you weren’t sure what came after, but it couldn’t be that hard if your smug friend could do it. And that tree wasn’t even that far away. So, you hopped on the skateboard and barely made it past 4 feet when you toppled off it.

“Y/N! Hey, are you ok?” Pete came rushing to your side. Worry very evident on his face.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just landed a little funny, is all,” you said, speaking through very sharp pain coming from your right leg. “That was all part of the plan, you know,” you added hoping he couldn’t hear your voice wavering.

You just knew that if you went to get up, your leg wouldn’t support your weight, but you were not about to let him know something had definitely happened to it. Pete wasn’t exactly known for being the best in tense situations.

“Shit, Y/N! I think you broke your leg! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen. That was a stupid thing to say, I shouldn’t have made that bet.”

“Oh quiet,” you replied with an almost sob as he picked you up and sat you down in a nearby bench. “My leg is not broken. I told you, I just landed funny.”

“No, no, you didn’t just land funny. I really think your leg is broken. Come on I’ll drive you to the hospital.”

“The hospital?! Oh please! You’re making this out to be more than it is! Give it a minute and I promise I’ll feel better. Then I can show you my Tony Hawk skills.”

Why wasn’t the pain going away?! Hadn’t it heard you? PETE WAS NOT GOOD IN TENSE SITUATIONS!

“I think that’s just the shock talking,” he said picking you up once more being careful not to move your leg more than necessary. “Let’s get a professional opinion first, and then, if everything really is fine, I’ll put some bubble wrap and padding around you and maybe teach you how to skate before I let you loose again.”

You rolled your eyes at that. You had never once broken a bone on your body. Yes, there was an enormous amount of pain shooting up from your leg that you were trying your best to ignore for Pete’s sake (hehe), but if you had to break a bone once in your lifetime it would be because you had been bouncing off walls after mastering parkour, or after a tragic run of a gymnastics floor routine at the Olympics, not from falling off a skateboard after a dumb bet with your friend!

After setting you down in the passenger seat of his car, Pete rounded the front of the vehicle and opened up his door.

He looked over at you. “I’m sorry, Y/N. This is all my fault.”

Still not accepting your reality, in order to keep your friend calm of course, you repeated to him that your leg was not broken and that he was making this a bigger deal than it really was.  

He was not at all convinced, so he pulled out of the parking spot and drove to the nearest hospital.

After arriving at the emergency room of the hospital, a very friendly nurse offered you a wheel chair, noting that Pete was still carrying you around.

“This is just embarrassing, Pete,” you said as you tried to hide your face as he maneuvered you around the waiting area.

“Oh hush, a broken leg isn’t even an embarrassing injury, Y/N. Knowing you, you are lucky you haven’t been in here for something actually embarrassing.”

“My leg is not broken. If anything, I just sprained something,” you responded, knowing that he could most likely see through your weak attempt at convincing him you were fine.

“Y/N Y/L/N?” a voice said. Well that was fast, you thought. Weren’t emergency rooms notorious for the endless amount of waiting people had to do?

Pete wheeled you past the nurse that had called your name and followed her to an examination room at the end of the hall.

“Ok, so what happened?” she asked.

You noticed the ID that hung from her blue scrubs, identifying her as Mary Escobedo.

You explained to Nurse Escobedo what had happened, making sure to sprinkle “My leg is not broken, though,” at least five times throughout your explanation, even though the constant pain in your leg was making it more than obvious that it most likely was. But poor Pete, yeah your denial was for him, would probably faint if they confirmed what you had been fearing.

The nurse began to laugh a little giving a little shake of her head.

“She’s not very good with these kinds of things,” Pete said. “Always turns her back on stressful situations thinking it will make them go away.”

Ok, so maybe it was really you who couldn’t deal very well with stress. But for goodness sake your leg could not be broken!

“We’ll let the doctor decide then,” Nurse Escobedo said with a smile. “He should be in here shortly to take a look. Meanwhile, I’ll give you a little something to help with the pain.”

After administering the pain medication, she left, and you turned to Pete who still sported his worried look. He began to apologize once more, but the sound of the door opening didn’t let him finish.

You had begun to feel the pain medications working and my god, were they so good that it was making you see actual angels? Because whoever was walking in your room certainly fit the bill.

“Damn,” you whispered to Pete who couldn’t hold back his laugh.

“Ms. Y/L/N?” the literal-angel asked.

“Yes,” you replied knowing very well he could’ve said any other last name and you would’ve responded the same way just to get him to stay. “I’m Dr. Barnes, and Nurse Escobedo shared some of what happened, I’ll take a look at your leg to see what the best way to approach it is.”

“No need,” you interjected waving your hand in front of you. “My leg is fine. Doesn’t even hurt.”

Dr. Barnes laughed, “I’m sure the pain meds Nurse Escobedo gave you have nothing to do with that.”

His smile. Pain meds, schpain scdmeds. That smile could make whatever was wrong with your leg go away, you know, if there even was anything wrong with your leg.

“I’ll order some x-rays to decide what type of fracture your leg is suffering from. After that we can better decide what will help your leg heal the best.”

“Thank you for the offer, doc,” you said as you felt your body completely relax at the soothing feeling the meds were bringing. “But, I’m fine, no need for x-rays.”

“Y/N,” Pete whispered, chastising you.

“Yeah?” Dr. Barnes said with a smile. “Well humor me, and then if you’re right I’ll let you two go on with your skateboarding practice. Deal?”

“Fine,” you replied nonchalantly. “But apart from letting me continue pursuing my skateboarding career, you also have to give me an honorary title of Doctor if I’m right, since I can diagnose myself better than you can.”

You heard Dr. Barnes laugh and another chastising whisper of your name from Pete.

Dr. Barnes began wheeling you out of the room and you almost missed his “Those meds are really something” whisper to Pete.

After getting your x-ray, you found yourself back in the examination room with Dr. Barnes and Pete.

“So, it looks like we got an incomplete fracture, here. Your leg is broken but, fortunately the fracture hasn’t fully broken the bone in two. I’m very sorry but your skateboarding career will have to wait a bit,” he said with a charming smile. “And if you want that Doctor title, you’ll have to earn it the traditional way.”

So, you wouldn’t get to make reservations under Doctor Y/L/N. But you would be just as happy making them under Doctor and Missus Barnes, you thought. That man was gorgeous!

“Since we got a fracture, we have to make sure your leg is immobilized to give it time to heal. This means a cast for a few weeks. Also crutches to keep your weight off it.”

“You sure, its broken? I mean it doesn’t look broken,” you said, giving it one last shot because god knows you would probably be miserable with a cast.

“Well, the fracture didn’t cause any rupture to the skin. So, the typical gruesome leg break we usually think about, isn’t visible here. But the x-rays don’t lie, doc.” He said with a laugh that made you melt.

Christ, this doctor was charming. Sure, you may be hyped up on pain meds but one look at Pete convinced you the charm radiating off Dr. Barnes wasn’t all in your head. Pete had the same grin you were sure was plastered on your face.

“So definitely no X Games for me?” you said hoping he could just keep talking to you forever.

He couldn’t hold back his snort.

“Maybe next year,” he said.

---

A couple of weeks after your original examination with Dr. Barnes you were on your way back to the hospital for a check-up. You had been struggling with the cast and crutches, but you knew you shouldn’t complain. It could’ve been much worse or more humiliating like Pete had mentioned.

Pete had told you all about the way you had spoken to Dr. Barnes and you had begged him to stop not being able to deal with the intense blush that rose to your cheeks. You couldn’t believe you had babbled on like that to a doctor! My god, you had told him you could do his job better than him!

But still, part of you wanted him to be the doctor providing the check-up, because if he was as gorgeous as those meds had made him seem, then you were in for a treat. Another part of you, though, wished it could be a different doctor just so you wouldn’t be reminded of all the things you had said that day.

You sat again in a similar examination room chatting with Pete, who was just as excited to see who the doctor would be. If he hadn’t sworn off betting with you after you had broken your leg, he would’ve definitely wagered at least $20 on Dr. Barnes being your doctor again.  Your conversation with him, though, stopped suddenly as you heard the door open.

“Well, hello again colleague,” Dr. Barnes greeted you as he walked, no strutted, into the room.

My god, those meds hadn’t clouded your mind as much as you had thought. The man was completely gorgeous in his white coat. Everything about him was completely unfair. From his crystal clear blue eyes, to his chocolate colored hair, and how could you look past those toned arms, practically bulging out of his sleeve! How could anybody let him treat patients when he was probably causing many of them heart problems with just one look at him.

“Hi,” you said softly. Being pain meds free, meant you weren’t as confident as you had been, so you would definitely not be sharing your thoughts as freely as before. You heard Pete chuckle behind you. That jerk probably knew why you were being so quiet.

“How has the simple life treated you? I know you were devastated I couldn’t let you go through pursuing your passion.”

Could the floor open up and eat you up like right now? You would miss looking at Dr. Barnes but, come on, you would probably see him every night in your dreams, so you would be ok.

“Sorry about that,” you said looking down. “Nurse Escobedo gave me the good stuff.”

He laughed his gorgeous laugh.

“No worries,” he said. “We’ll just check out how your leg is doing. Let me know if you’ve had any problems with the cast, apart from the discomfort it probably brought.”

You were relatively quiet for the rest of your appointment trying your best not to make more of a fool out of yourself in front of this perfect man. If you opened your mouth you weren’t sure whether or not you would be able to control whatever came out of it. You were almost positive he seemed a little disappointed at the silence, but you couldn’t allow yourself to think too much about it because you knew it could get you into trouble. The good kind of trouble, probably, but still trouble!

---

“Can I get a small black coffee, please?” You ordered your drink in one of your favorite coffee places. Your leg had completely healed, thanks to the great care Dr. Barnes had provided, so you had been cast-free for a few weeks after almost two months stuck with that thing.

“Sure thing,” the barista taking your order said writing your name on the cup she had grabbed for you.

You walked over to the pick-up section and pulled out your phone from your bag. Scrolling through Twitter seemed like your go-to action when you were waiting for something. All your attention was put on this Buzzfeed article you had found.

Want to know what type of breakfast food you are? Uhh.. what kind of question is that!? Of course, you did!

“Black coffee for Y/N!”

Your head snapped up from the very informative quiz you were working on at the sound of your name and you went to pick up your coffee. You had been more than ready for coffee, but as you turned you almost dropped your precious cargo.

“Hi,” Dr. Barnes said as he stood right in front of you with his trademark charming smile. “I heard your name being called and I thought it would be too much of a coincidence to run into you here, but look, here you are.”

This man would be the death of you. How could a human being be this enchanting?

“Umm, yeah here I am,” you said unable to think of anything better to say.

“Coffee for Bucky!” the barista called from behind you making you jump.

“Excuse me,” Dr. Barnes said as he worked his arm past you to pick up the coffee that had just been placed on the counter behind you. He was so close, and it was totally unfair! “That’s me,” he said.

“You didn’t tell them your actual name is Dr. Barnes?” you asked, feeling hyped up again, this time not on meds, though, but on his sheer presence.

He rewarded you with a chuckle that reminded you why you had willed yourself to stay quiet on your second, and subsequent, examinations. You couldn’t stay calm around him when he was so casually chuckling and charming you with his smile.

“Nah,” he said with a teasing glint evident in his eyes. “That’s only for strictly professional occasions. You know, where you can’t really say what you’re thinking.”

Holy crap! Was this guy serious?!?!

“Right,” you whispered not trusting yourself to speak any louder.

“We should probably move out of the way, though,” he said. “We’re kind of blocking everybody picking up their orders.”

“Right,” you said a bit louder.

“Are you in a rush?” he asked as the two of you walked away from the pick-up counter to the nearby table with sugars and creamers.

Was he? Was he really going to do what you thought?

“I see an open table right there,” he said pointing to a small round table towards the back of the coffee place. “If you’re not too busy I could maybe share some of the thoughts I’ve been holding back, you know, now that I’m just Bucky,” he said, looking around the room and his voice growing smaller as his sentence went on.

What was that? He had a shy, soft side too?!? You ran through the mental checklist you had been keeping on him.

-A Doctor. Check!

-Handsome. Triple Check!

-Funny. Check!

-Kind. Check!

And for goodness sake,

-Completely adorable. Check!!!!!

How could you say no to HIM!

“I’m not busy,” you said as a smile appeared on your lips.

“You sure I’m not keeping you from practice?”

Oh god, of course he would bring that up.

“No,” you chuckled. “A very stubborn doctor put an end to that dream.”

“I’m sure he had his reasons.”

He began leading the way to the empty table he had spotted. You sat across for him and could barely control your heart. He probably didn’t need his stethoscope to hear the erratic beating of your heart.

“So, Bucky?” you wondered aloud. “I don’t think I’ve heard that name before.”

“Well, it’s more of a nickname. My first name is actually James. Middle name Buchanan, so my friends shortened my middle name and it stuck.”

“It’s cute,” you said before you could stop yourself.

“Thanks,” he said with the cutest blush spreading up his face. Definitely matched the cuteness of his name. “I--- umm--- I’m really glad I ran into you. I kind of couldn’t stop wondering how you were doing. Its been a while since you last stopped by, so I couldn’t help but be curious at what antics you were getting yourself and your poor friend into.”

You almost giggled at the way he said “friend”. Not really hiding the fact that he was hoping Pete was really just a friend.

“Pete? Oh please, he was the one who got me into this mess in the first place. Not really a good friend seeing that he got me to break my leg,” you said hoping you had it clear who Pete was to you. “And no antics, he’s promised me not to place any bets that could lead to more emergency room visits. Although, maybe I wouldn’t mind another visit, seeing as I met you there.”

That sudden surge of courage caught you off guard, but you mentally high-fived yourself for taking the chance.

Bucky’s eyes seemed to light up immediately as he processed what you had just said. You saw his usual charming smile change into the hottest smirk you’d ever seen.

“No need to hurt yourself. Why don’t we just schedule more frequent appointments outside of the hospital. We don’t have to call them appointments, though, maybe we can just stick to calling them dates?”

You couldn’t help but get closer to him, leaning forward on the table. You could play this game, too. In fact, you had started it.

“Sounds like a plan, doc,” you said. “Should I page Dr. Barnes tomorrow night?”

“How about tonight instead? Need to make sure my favorite patient doesn’t have a lot of time alone to break another bone.”

“Alright,” you said with a charming smile of your own. You pulled out a pen from your bag and grabbed his coffee cup scribbling your number. “I’ll see you tonight then, Bucky.”

“It’s a date,” he said with a wink as you got up from the table.

You walked out of the coffee place and you felt his eyes on you until you walked out the door. Your phone buzzed, and you hoped your guess on who was texting was right.

Can’t wait -Bucky

You probably shouldn’t run seeing how you were swooning over Bucky and all his charm and you REALLY did not want to break another bone, but you had to find the greatest friend in the whole world, Pete, to tell him about everything that had just happened.

Tonight couldn’t come fast enough. You would surely have to mentally prepare for what would most likely be a great time with the most handsome doctor you’d ever seen, but if he took care of you the way he had taken care of your leg, you knew you were in good hands. Falling from the skateboard had been no fun, but the possibility of falling for Bucky seemed more than fun, it seemed perfect. 

---

Bucky Tags!

@camillechan @just-add-butter @buckyisthepuresthuman @faunacea @carry-on-my-fandom @creideamhgradochas @sixweekcure4dreams   @verycoolveryunique @dugan365 @sold-my-soul-in-2016 

Its summer time!!! Still got work but I def have more time to practice my writing!

[richietoaster]

Now I’ve Got You In My Arms

Pairing: Richie Tozier/ Eddie Kaspbrak

Warnings: hickeys, lots of hickey talk, implications of oral sex, implied top!eddie, a lot of fluff sorry

they are 18

word count: 2,726

@delicateloser @killerxqueer @richiietozierr

THANK YOU @tastes-like-cherry-coke FOR BEING MY BETA

AO3 Link

Eddie sucks in a breath when he watches Richie slide on a clean shirt, his back muscles flexing. He shudders and shakes away the thoughts because, Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier are not gay, okay? Especially not together. Just sometimes they kiss and give each other hickeys when they’re alone. (They don’t admit to anyone they’re from each other, but they wear their bruises proudly.) (Okay, so they’re a little gay.) (They’re hella gay.)

It’s just another day in Derry. The Losers are in the hallway grouping up before their classes start. Richie and Eddie are running late. Again.

Just as the warning bell sounds, the two are rushing in toward their friends.

“Where have you guys been?” Stan asks, his eyes immediately adverting to Eddie’s neck, “And what the hell is that?”  

“Richie’s truck wouldn’t start,” Eddie said, initially ignoring Stan’s question before he covers his neck, “Yes, shut up, it’s exactly what it looks like.”

“From who?”

Eddie side-eyes Richie nervously, “S-some girl.. I went out last night.”

“Out?” Bill asks.

“Yeah..” Eddie trails off, remembering the night before.

He and Richie were both shirtless, Eddie in his lap, slowly moving himself around, moaning loudly as Richie attacked his neck like the leech he is.

“Eddie,” Bev calls out while dramatically waving her hand in front of Eddie’s face, “You good? You spaced out for a minute there.”

“Yeah, m’fine. I’ll see you guys at lunch.” Eddie turns and walks away in the opposite direction.

“Not gonna kiss your best friend goodbye?” Richie laughs when Eddie flips him off without turning around.

“Is it me or did Eddie seem really off when he responded to our questions?” Mike asks as the group watched the smallest boy go.

“Maybe it’s because he got fucking mauled last night. Did you see the size of those hickeys?” Ben makes a face and chuckles with Bill.

Richie awkwardly scratches the back of his neck and it must be his lucky day, because before his uncomfortable stance could be sensed by the group the second bell rings, “Yeeaaahh.. I’ll catch you guys later..”

After Richie leaves, the group disbands.

Two periods later, Eddie is in science when his phone vibrates on the desk. He slides it between two books, trying not to get caught checking it.

Richie: what’re you doing  [9:56AM]

Eddie rolls his eyes and types back, ‘im in science. cant skip today.’  [9:57AM]

Richie: you dont even kno what i was gonna ask  [10:01AM]

Eddie: was it that?  [10:01AM]

Richie: ok yeah but this time its different  [10:04AM]

Eddie’s mouth turns into a frown. Different? How? Everytime he skips with Richie they always go get fast food together and only sometimes he convinces Eddie to smoke with him.

Eddie: what do you mean?  [10:06AM]

Within seconds he gets a message back, but this time it’s a picture attachment. He opens it, almost regretting he did (he really doesn’t), eyes widening. Richie had taken a picture of himself- only showing his mouth and below. He’s biting his lip and- Eddie slams his phone down when he sees it- Richie has a hand down his jeans. Eddie’s face is flushed red.

“Mr. Kaspbrak, are you okay?” His teacher turns around from the chalkboard, shooting him a worried glance.

“Yes, fine. Can I use the restroom?”

“Sign out, please.”

Eddie does quickly and nearly runs out of the classroom. He unlocks his phone, Richie’s contact still up, and types out a blatant, ‘where the fuck are you’

Richie: downstairs bathroom, near the music department  [10:12AM]

Eddie narrows his eyes and walks down a flight of steps, turning a few corners, before attempting to pull open the bathroom door. It’s locked. That bastard fucking planned this.

“Open the door, asshole.”

The lock clicks, and the second it does, Eddie is pushing himself through the doorway, locking it again. He faces Richie.

“You’re such a little shit. You know that?”

“What’re you gonna do about it?” Richie challenges.

Eddie shoves him against the sink, “I shouldn’t do anything about it- you’re practically begging me to.”

Richie smiles cheekily, “Hm. I am.”

Eddie pulls Richie’s head back by his hair, lips immediately attaching to his neck, sucking hard. He has his other hand on the boy’s hip, tucking his fingers into the hem of his shirt, yanking it over his head, throwing it on the counter. He marks up Richie’s entire chest.

“Enough marks, I look like a fucking cheetah.”

Eddie gives him one more on his hip just to spite him. He stands back up, cupping his cheek, leaning in to kiss him on the mouth, but isn’t surprised when Richie doesn’t let him. Richie doesn’t do mouth kisses. He thinks back to a few weeks ago when they were sitting in Eddie’s room when he first tried to kiss him.

“No,” Richie had said quietly, “Too intimate. No kissing.”

But Eddie still wants to kiss Richie. No homo, of course, because that’s gay and Eddie Kaspbrak is not gay.

Those thoughts are interrupted when Richie flips him to the counter, kissing down his neck softly, taking off his shirt.

“You don’t always have to be in control, Eddie,” He whispers against the smaller brunettes pale skin.

“I know, but I want to. I like it.”

“Let’s change that..” Richie kneels down, unbuttoning his jeans, shoving the clothing to his ankles.

“Richie-” Eddie tries to protest, but cuts himself off. His eyes flutter to the back of his head and brings one hand to his mouth to bite his wrist, and the other one to pull on Richie’s hair because good god.

The next time The Losers meet up again is at lunch. Everyone but Eddie is there.

“Hey-hey, you guuuys,” Bev sings, setting her tray down. “Anybody want to trade their french fries for my tater tots?”

“T-They’re the same thing,” Bill tells her.

“You’re a fake friend. Everyone knows it’s about the texture.”

Ben rolls his eyes, “Nuh uh, it tastes all the same. You’re so weird.”

“No, you both are weird. Texture is everything, it-”

“I’ll trade with you, Bev.” Stan speaks up. “I understand.”

“At least someone d-”

Mike cuts her off when he sees Richie parading over, bruises covering his neck, “Holy shit. You guys. Horton spots a hoe.”

“That’s not the correct quote.” Richie says while narrowing his eyes behind his glasses.

“Look at this, kids! What do we have here?” Ben pokes one of the many hickeys. Richie hisses in pain.

“Whoever gave you those must have been fucking rough. I mean damn, you’re wincing like a bitch. They’re so purple they’re almost black,“ Mike said with a small laugh before digging into his fries.

“You look like a cheetah.” Ben laughs.

“I told him that.” Richie mutters. If they heard him, they don’t say anything.

“W-Why did you let someone give you all of those i-if it h-hurts? And in s-school?”

“Because, my dear Billy,” Richie slings an arm over Bill’s shoulders, “At the time it felt fucking amazing.” He ignores Bill’s second question, but it’s just his luck that Eddie walks over just as he kisses and tells. Richie winks at him.

“Hey, Ed. You missed it. Richie was just telling us about his new lover,” Bev says, her voice filled with a tone salty enough to season McDonald’s fries.

“Excuse me,” Richie sputters, “You guys were pestering me about my hickeys- I said nothing about a lover.”

“Yeah, because there’s so many,” Ben says, reaching to poke at them again but reviving a slap on the wrist from Richie.

“You should see his chest.” Eddie tells them absentmindedly.

Richie shoots him a look, but it’s too late.

“There’s hickeys there, too? Damn, Richie.. Wait- Eddie, how do you know that?” Bev asks, almost knowingly, that salty tone almost tripled.

Eddie panics, “We have gym together.”

They don’t have gym together.

Mike changes the topic for Eddie’s sake, “Hey, are you gonna eat lunch, Richie?”

Richie looks at Eddie, “Nah, I ate earlier.”

Eddie’s face turns a bright red.

Eddie lays on Richie’s chest, tracing patterns onto his stomach. The other boy had fallen asleep minutes after Eddie snuck into his room. He’s been playing with his hair for merely an hour and his hand is getting tired. He retreats it slowly, resting it on Richie’s cheek, rubbing his freckled skin softly. He pauses his movements, suddenly extremely interested in what his lips would feel like, pressed onto the other boy’s. He doesn’t stop himself from leaning into Richie’s space.

Eddie places his lips onto his friend’s, cautiously, not trying to wake him. He pulls back only to do it again, however, this time he was not so lucky.

Richie’s breath hitches, and his eyes open. He sees Eddie hovering over him, and judging by how close he was, he realizes what he was doing. He sits up abruptly, letting the sheets fall from his body, and Eddie detangle from him. Richie searches Eddie’s eyes, unsure of what he could be thinking.

Eddie tries to speak but Richie touches his face and he closes his mouth.

Richie grabs Eddie by the neck, dragging him closer. His lips ghost over the smaller boys, before pressing his hickey-littered chest to Eddie’s, and parting his lips with his own. It’s not needy, surprisingly. That’s all the atmosphere has been between them, recently. Richie lets himself lay back down, not breaking their kiss.

Eddie gets the hint and crawls on top of him, mouths never leaving each other’s. It’s slow and open-mouthed and really, really messy. But it’s great. Fucking fantastic, actually.

The two kiss lazily until they fall asleep, Eddie still on top of Richie.

“Rise and shine, princess.”

A pillow comes in contact with Eddie’s face. “Did you know that you doing that could have like, killed me?”

“What? Me, kill you? I’d never, Eds.” Richie leans down, kissing him gently.

Oh, okay, so that’s a thing now.

Eddie sucks in a breath when he watches Richie slide on a clean shirt, his back muscles flexing. He shudders and shakes away the thoughts because, Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier are not gay, okay? Especially not together. Just sometimes they kiss and give each other hickeys when they’re alone. (They don’t admit to anyone they’re from each other, but they wear their bruises proudly.) (Okay, so they’re a little gay.) (They’re hella gay.)

“I don’t want to go to school,” Eddie groans and throws his head back onto the pillow.

“You have to, bubba. C’mon, up, up, up.” Richie pats his legs.

“Don’t have clean clothes,” Eddie says.

“You can wear some of mine.”

Eddie picks out a hoodie (it smells like Richie) and a pair of basketball shorts (Richie’s jeans are too long for him- curse that long ass bitch).

They brush their teeth together quickly before heading out.

It takes a few minutes for Richie’s truck to start. They end up having the neighbor help him jump it.

“Think we’re late?” Eddie asks.

“Nah, we should be fine. If not, we could skip first.”

Eddie catches the wiggle of his eyebrow. “You’re fucking disgusting.”

Richie grabs Eddie’s hand, raising it to his mouth, and presses a soft kiss to it. “Kidding, babe.”

Eddie’s heart soars.

“Well if it isn’t Richie and Eddie, almost late. As usual.” Stan gives them a look.

“My truck wouldn’t start this morning, again.”

“Hey, aren’t those Richie’s clothes?” Ben points out.

“Yeah,” Eddie shrugs, “I stayed over last night and I didn’t have any extra clothes with me.”

“Isn’t that s-sweet.”

“Yeah, sure.” Richie rolls his eyes at Bill’s snickering.

After the warning bell goes off, Richie and Eddie had never left The Loser’s so quickly.

Despite Eddie’s whines, they spend all of first period making out in the bathroom.

“You’ve never wanted to kiss me before,” Eddie says into Richie’s mouth.

Richie pulls back, “Mhm, I was missing out, obviously.” He connects their lips back together, weaving a hand into his hair, nudges his head into an easier angle to work with. Richie has his tongue shoved so far down his throat, Eddie feels as if he could choke (not that he’d complain).

But here he was, that feeling coming back again. Eddie groans, pulling away.

Richie notices and trails butterfly kisses down Eddie’s neck, making sure to kiss all of his hickeys.

“R-Richie..”

“Mmm?”

“S-Stop.. Stop.”

Richie jerks back immediately, his heart about to leap from his chest, “Did I hurt you? What’s wrong?”

“We can’t keep doing this if we aren’t going to address the elephant in the room.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t.. Don’t act so incredulous, Rich.”

“I’m not, I-”

“We can’t keep fooling around if we can’t discuss.. Us.”

Richie swallows and avoids eye contact.

“Look at me.. Look at me, damn it.”

The older boy does as he’s told.

“Richie.. I-  I can’t do this unless.. Unless we can be more. I want more, I want all of it. I want to go on cute dates with you, and I want to hold your hand. I want to kiss you in public. Hell, I want to kiss you all the time. I want you. I want all of this, because I have fallen head over heals in love with you, Richie Tozier.”

Richie stares in shock as his best friend confesses this to him.

“Please, say something..”

Richie is too speechless. Yet the second he tries to, Eddie is backing away. “Forget it. I-I’m sorry.”

Which means, the next few days are really awkward. Eddie ignores Richie in school. He doesn’t go visit him in the middle of the night, and he locks his window so Richie can’t, either.

Eddie has been trying to eat his lunch as quick as possible and get the fuck out of there before Richie spots him.

Today he was not that lucky.

Just as he is throwing his trash away, he turns and bumps into none other than the boy he was avoiding.

“Hey,” Richie grabs at his arm.

“Let go.”

“We.. need to talk.”

“Oh, we already did. Well, I did.” Eddie pulls out of his grip. Richie watches him leave.

“Eddie Kaspbrak!” He calls out. When he doesn’t turn around, he sits on the seat next to Bill.

“W-What did you d-do?”

“Eddie is in love with me.” Richie states.

“Whaaat? Nooo,” Stan said without looking up from his textbook, his voice filled with sarcasm.

“Wait, so you guys knew and didn’t tell me?”

“Not our place.” Ben says, also without looking up.

“Yeah, plus we didn’t know what you guys were doing. You two have been out boning god knows who, because you both are stupid.”

Mike is clueless, Richie thinks.

“You guys.. Eddie and I have been.. Um.. hooking up with each other for the last few months now.. But, we finally kissed. On the mouth. Just a few days ago. And he doesn’t think I want him as.. As my boyfriend. But I do! I just was shocked to even say anything when he told me. Now he wants nothing to do with me.”

His friends are surprised by that (all except Stan), because they didn’t actually think they were with each other like that.

“You fuckass.” Bev rolls her eyes. “Eddie has been leaving school early, so if you go now.. You might be able to catch him.”

Richie has never run so fast in his life, and, obviously, The Losers needed to see this. They’re having trouble keeping up.

Richie is standing in the bed of his truck when he sees Eddie walking in the opposite direction.

“Eddie Kaspbrak!”

This time Eddie turns to look at him. The students around him are looking, too. He rolls his eyes and walks back to him. “What are you doing?”

“I want it too, Eds! I want more, I want all of it. I want to take you on those cute dates and I want to hold your hand and kiss you in public, in private, all the time. I, too, am in love. More specifically, in love with you, Eddie Kaspbrak. I want to give you so much more.. But I think you’ll have to be my boyfriend first.” Richie hops down from his truck and reaches out for Eddie’s face, “What do you say, bug?”

Eddie nods, his eyes brimming with tears he tried to will away, “Took you long enough,” and lets Richie kiss him into oblivion. “I’m so in love with you.”

“And I you.” Richie leans back in, capturing Eddie’s lips in his own, with every ounce of energy he has inside of him. There are stars behind his eyes and honestly, Richie never wants to leave the presence of Eddie’s arms.

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 10 - "I've been channeling Raffy's chaos and messy style" ~Amy

Colin survived omg omg. I went on call with him after tribal council and I smoothed things over with us. So I'm like the only person he's not hating right now. Also I literally told Colin everything. I told him exactly what happened which is so awkward if anyone finds out I tolf him that they all backstabbed him. Also Elle cannot be trusted!! Why would she do this? She's probably working with Colin and at this point I'm ok with voting off Elle. She really backstabbed the entire plan. Also Elle's idol is gone so it would be easy. BUT, we need to rid of the advantages that remain. There's not any time to get off people I don't trust. We need to expose every last idol we can. Also I know Brayden has an idol and I'm working with him but I might have to backstab that guy because if he makes it to final tribal council with an idol that will be big on his resume. Honestly Brayden will be seen as the most popular social player so that will look really good compared to me. So I might have to backstab my best friend before the time runs out. 

Wtf was that tribal. Literally besides Colin, the only person left out of the vote and lied to by my own partner. Just when i thought things were looking up for me in this game, the rug gets pulled from underneath me again. I literally dont feel like i can trust any of them but for the sake of playing nice, I have to pretend that everything is fine and be a fake bitch for a day or two. Ugh 😑

I understand Colin is probably really upset and hurt because he felt personally close with me, but I don’t understand why my reasons for not saving him weren’t valid. When he tried to save Dennis, it rubbed HIMYM the wrong way and I didn’t want to betray 5 people for 1 person the same way he did that because it’s what gave everyone distrust. He said he didn’t tell anyone about HIMYM until after he heard his name, but that’s a lie as Josh and Jay both heard of it by round 8. I said that and then he said “well that’s still one person”. It’s more than one and even then, one person is one person. You gave us a reason to distrust you and that’s why you were targeted. I never told anyone about his SWP because I didn’t want to give him a reason to tell others I’m not trustworthy or for him to target me with. Ultimately, of course I knew Jay wasn’t going to send me out, but there was a real concern that Babs had an idol and that between me and Anastasia, I would go. So yeah, my concerns were indeed valid as it could’ve gone to a point where I go. I really want immunity this round. So bad. But if it’s not me I’ll be ok with my allies having it. But please I want immunity!!! 

[this was earlier, but put it wherever✨] Sooooo so much drama these days, I used to be in an alliance with Jay, Brayden, and Anastasia but they're all in a megasix alliance except Jay is relatively new bc they swapped him out for Colin recently, Jay is completely in Jodi's pocket and RIP honestly bc I was hope our little Corn Tribe (we're both from Ohio lol) would make it far, Colin and I are firmly allies now and we have an alliance with Amy (who is currently Colin's no. 1 ally and I respect that she risked it all for him lol understandable) and are goin to make another one with Josh. Josh and I are allies and I trust him a lot partially bc ppl lied to him almost as much as ppl lied to me and Colin and being at the bottom is a good way to know your allies are true, they have little to gain 😂 oh and Brayden and Anastasia and I are still "allies" and idk Jay hasn't talked to me yet sooooo let's see what happens there!

I accidentally said that Josh was on the bottom out loud when I was answering him for the question who doesnt deserve to be here. Omg I literally ruined our relationship. I am sooo stupid. I literally told him i was sorry and he said K. Ok but he is on the bottom. Obviously he doesn't need me as an ally and that whole side has a plan. Omg Im ready to be blindsided lol. But also maybe dont vote out me. Josh really isnt that forgiving is he? That is crazy to me. I wouldve pretended to forgive at least. Now I feel even more awful because he never said he forgave me. Pain. Anyways I screwed up and now I'm just praying Josh doesn't gun after me now. But I did tell Josh the whole truth and apologized genuinly about the situation. Oh god I hope he doesnt hate me. I dont even want him as a jury vote I just cant take anyone hating me or disliking me. It makes me want to throw up. But I deserve to feel this way since I emberassed him infront of everyone i am so so stupid. Anyways time to plan who to get out. OMG JOSH JUST TEXTWD ME "It's fine Im on the bottom. My feelings dont matter" WHAAATTT OF COURSE HIS FEELINGS MATTWR I CANT BELOEBE IHURT HIS ACTUAL FEELINFA I AM SO STUPID WTF I AM AWFUL I WILL GO APOLOGIZE MORW NOW GOODBYE

it appears either jodi or jared are going tonight, and although they’re my allies, i selfishly don’t care. I’ll still be in the game, so that’s nice i suppose. I love jodi, but she’s paranoid and it’s a whole deal trying to work with her, if she got voted out i could maybe get some sleep every once in awhile. I love her to death, but frankly whatever happens tonight as long as it ain’t me I don’t really care. Hell, even if it is me, then whatever lol, I can get caught up on sleep then. Frankly this is where the game gets ugly, and i’m cool with staying out of the drama. it still sucks that josh hates me though, i genuinely like him, and i feel like he doesn’t want to be my friend beyond the game anymore. To me, i’m going to keep doing me. I’m gonna chill, i’m gonna relax, and i’ll play when i feel like it. My mental health is important, so even if i’m not playing as hard as others, it’s just a game. If i lose, i will not lose any sleep over it. 

DAMN last tribal really killed the vibes in the game. no one wants to talk. everyone is scared of stuff getting leaked or turning on people. BUT ON THE FLIP side that means everyone is flipping on everyone SOMEHOW amy managed to escape unscathed. They have NO idea she's in with us and with them. She's telling us everything. it's actually insane to watch her do it. Truly international superspy behavior.   We have our numbers and they have theirs. They made another majority alliance except they replaced me with Jay. Whatever, expected. its fine. I truly did not talk much to people before the challenge, I just laid back and let Amy gather information for us. The immunity challenge was absolutely crazy good for us. Elle winning immunity is perfect, and the fact they GAVE AMY the other immunity is also amazing, a testament to how much they do trust her. THEN THIS IS WHERE THINGS STARTED GETTING EXCITING so I still have my handy chaos idol. I was thinking about numbers and I came to the realization that we could get Jodi cirie'd out this tribal. Their side is splitting votes on Josh and I, and there's four of us. If we vote the other 4 people in that alliance and then play the chaos idol, it leaves Jodi the only one without a vote and she's automatically out. It was a huge risk but I brought this plan to Josh, Amy, and Elle. because of the touchy subjects it made me truly feel that I could trust my allies right now. I was voted "Who is your closest ally" and I'm almost certain it was those three that put me down. That means I can trust them with this plan. (I hope). Elle, however, brought up the very good point that Jodi might be idoled, it's very obvious for us to go after her. SO we also decided that we should leave no votes on Brayden and then theres a revote between the two. SO TLDR THE PLAN RN: play chaos idol and coordinate votes so there's a revote between Jodi and Brayden. Also we're telling everyone else our plan is to vote Jared, that way it's not too obvious we have shit up our sleeve. there is the prospect of them splitting the vote 3-3 and then we don't even need to use the chaos idol, we just have the numbers. The other option is they put all 6 votes on one person and then we do have to play it. Thats why its so good we have Amy as our inside source telling us everything that's going on with them. so yeah right now we're still playing it by ear. not a lot of people are online and available to we're just waiting to get it all sorted out. Updates soon! uwu

Hahahahaha omfg so after we yeeted out of last tribal and then elle used their idol apparently anastasia and jodi changed their vote to Babs so they still went home and we kept Colin's idol. We jumped back on the tribe call and it was only host Jay and Raffy left lol like we were ready for a tribe fight! But I think it turned out better because I am still getting all the info in the group. Touchy subjects was interesting and almost exposed us bc colin and jodi tied for closest allies lol which I'm sure it was like 3-3-whatever. But she said I'm the group maybe it was like 2-2-1s. So that's a relief. However. Everyone is being really quiet with me and our brayden - jodi - me alliance is silent. I'm concerned they think it is me who's leaking but from what I can tell jodi (and thus anastasia, brayden,jay, and jared automatically) believe it was elle who leaked the plan to vote colin. So idk how but I'm in the clear. I'm just waiting to be found out bc I'd be an easy vote out. BUT I think they believe I'm still with new himym because brayden chose to give me immunity in touchy subjects!! And elle got first out!! So we are both safe and the current plan for Jodi's group is to tell Colin josh and elle they are splitting but they will put all votes on josh so that colin flushes his idol. Except lol it's a chaos idol. And if that's the case colin wants me to vote him ☠️ but it actually keeps him safe so I'll do it. I would just hate for the chaos idol to be fake. I think I know where all remaining advantages are except the idol I think Jared has lol. So for the break down brayden has an idol he believes is real but is fake and he is not telling anyone in the group or jodi or me so as much as I like brayden I can't wait to see him play it and it's fake. Then Colin has Dennis's chaos idol and one more regular idol. I have the merge idol and a steal a vote. That leaves only jared's idol that we might be able to flush this go if they actually believe jared is the target from Josh elle colin. But if they don't we can leave votes off jared and jodi and we can vote out the unplayed idol or vote jodi out and her minions have to regroup. My biggest concern has been josh bc he really seems to not like me ☠️ and here I am risking it all to keep colin, elle, and josh in the game lol. So now colin elle and I have a three. Colin filled them in and they trust me. And we waited until josh calmed down bc he was really mad that I cut his rope in the challenge. Unfortunately I knew that he wasn't winning bc he's at the bottom, none of them were giving him immunity, and I needed to keep up the facade that I was with them 100% so I was guessing like everyone else on the most allies even though I knew it would be colin lol. So now colin has talked to Josh and josh knows about the chaos idol so I just hope he's 100% with us. Because if we play this right it's 4-4. And then I'm gonna have to reveal to them I have a steal a vote lol they might be upset I didn't tell them before but I've never said I didn't have anything (except to jodi whoops). Also now jodi is thinking worst case like wants me to say I'll vote out anastasia if it's a revote and also at 6. I was like "oh I'm a revote? I got you" as in if vote you out sorry girl. Listen I know I'm not winning and I know I'm not getting to the end because it would be stupid to take me at this point. I'm literally a double agent secret spy lol. However the entire jury WILL despise me but all I could hope is they respect the moves I made. But it seems like a lot of people in this game take things very personal so I really think it would be a completely bitter jury against me not that I'm getting there. I kind of don't want to use my steal a vote at 8 and hope they still think I'm with new himym because then we could simply idol where their vote is and I keep steal a vote for 6 and my idol for 5 and I'm golden lol 😂. And here I was gonna hard quit the game lol. I mean tbh they could just vote me here... Wait lol I'm immune jk thanks. Literally i think Babs is indifferent and dennis did like me but his vote would still go to colin. But if I was in f3 IMAGINE the story of have to tell lol and convince them all. It's the struggle of playing more behind the scenes but I really think someone is going to leave the info. I hope josh stays quiet until 7 when we should have numbers. Anyway all of this to say I wanted to play this game doing the absolute minimum and I'm spending hours and hours a day like copy pasting from the group to colin 😂 and now to our group. The problem is colin really believed jared when he said he'd flip and I was like colin no that's EXACTLY what he detailed he'd do in the group. And then Colin and josh were like wait anastasia and brayden may consider flipping and here I was like no y'all they are telling me / us they're saying that. Unless it's like a double play they are lying to you and that's their plan. All I can do is copy paste their exact messages and hope they believe me. I really do think they trust me bc I'm risking my life here. I just need to talk to Josh and explain the situation and I am with him not against him! Honestly this is such a great cast and they are playing very well. It'll be fun to see how it all works out. I don't think I'll be at the end but I would love to see underdogs take it. I would actually love josh elle and Colin at the end and I'd vote colin to win lol he put in work! I'd also vote anastasia to win because she has laid low so well with still having pull in the game. Idk it's a fun one that I think will blow up on me soon but I've been channeling Raffy's chaos and messy style bc I'm just here to have fun not to win actually lol. I am writing this while on a flight so I'll have updates later. Oh right our 4 group plan is to use the chaos idol and throw votes around so that like 2 or 3 people don't have votes then they are the only ones vulnerable in the revote and everyone who got votes is safe. Then we can vote either jared or jodi like that's the thing if jodi doesn't play an idol here I don't think she has one or no one is giving her one. I think my only chance to make it farther is to let the 4 group know I'm with them 100% but still keep my idol for myself hopefully until 6 or 5 but lol idk about that. Like I can see them wanting to take me out then. Okay that's all my thoughts right now.

https://youtu.be/ji7K8HkLmRY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Ru1J0iXYA&feature=youtu.be

https://youtu.be/rVRVR2zzkPc

https://youtu.be/PAjCL7-GWV

[😬 Not me completely forgetting to send this oops here i'll add a fun quote at the beginning] Jodi is Regina George, we are the schoolbus✨ Sooooooo Colin has a chaos idol how fun for him and tbh im kinda tired so here's the voting plan and the rest you can just kinda glean: Amy - Josh Elle - Colin Josh - Anastasia Colin - Jay ~~~

Edgic:

Power Ranking:

Amy: She has managed to escape suspicion from last round. Nobody believes her to be the rat leaking things to Colin. She is in the best position in this game right now being on all sides and having every single option open to her.

Colin: King of idols. King of chaos. He has it all locked down. Has capitalized on those the Jodi side has burned. Will continue to capitalize on it. The power struglle ends here.

Elle: Mostly just floating behind Colin’s shield which is what she should be doing atm.

Josh: If he stays out of people’s periphery, he can make it far. Might be dragged to end, but could make a great pitch for himself.

Jay: Ruined his position with multiple people last round. Is sort of in the middle? Sort of not? He is definitely aligned with Anastasia and Brayden who are protecting him.

Brayden: If he betrays Jodi, he will shoot up in this ranking. Needs to become a free agent instead of being locked into an alliance.

Anastasia: If she betrays Jodi, she will shoot up in this ranking. Needs to step away from Brayden and Jay who are clouding her good judgment. She is being iced from the other side.

Jared: I don’t know why he is going to use his idol on Jodi? His loyalty to her will be his downfall.

Jodi: Seems to have accepted being voted out this round. Seems to have backed herself into a corner based on her logic. Too worried about advantages to see the right path.

[survivorgalaxysedge]

Episode 5 | Forgive Me Cowtown For I Have Sinned - Ari

ohhhhh i found something JUICY tonight!!! so yesterday the hosts got tired of me constantly asking how many fuel i have and gave me the command to view it, and i knew i was outta points so i was like ok cool we'll check it out tomorrow. TURNS OUT the scorekeeper bot shows you not just your personal points.... but the points of everyone in the game.... and WHOM is number two on that list with 36 entire points? that's right. my best friend keegan. my first thought was wtf ew how did he already recover from my sabotage, i feel zero percent guilty about doing that now! and then my second thought was WAIT...... this is PERFECT. so you can bet i ran right to all three of my allies to be like "hey omg i found something shady :0 didn't keegan say all his fuel got blown up the other day? well i pulled some receipts and it turns out he still has all of it! why would he lie about that??? so sus!" and now i'm laughing because there could not be a more perfect excuse to get him gone!!! i'm not gonna push it any more than that right now - for all i know, we'll prob win the next challenge again - but i've tucked the ammo away in my pocket, planted the ari seed in jonathan and zoe's heads, and i'll let it sit pretty there until i need it. also, i ended up telling ali what i did to keegan simply because he is 100% not going against me and i needed someone to tell me i'm funny, so i also let him know about this plan o mine and that we could use this against sir keegan, which he's so down for. god. i cannot wait to tell mj about all this shit.

Jacob being voted out of NuTrian is the second best thing that could have happened. Preferably Nathan but my OG Andro and Jessie are safe so that’s very good. Now we’ve got a Guess Who challenge which is okay. I don’t care if we get first or second, I just really really don’t want to get last. Let’s keep the good vibes going and be safe for a fifth straight tribal council. Ali told me he scored 11 points, I scored 10. I hope Zoe can whip out her survivor magic with a score of 8 or 9. And then hopefully Jonathan can pull out a good score as well. Nathan and Zach have both scored 12 on this challenge before, so I can only hope they keep up with that and score high again. Gotta make sure those other tribes flop. I’m still incredibly uncertain about how to play this steal a player advantage. It’s possible we ride this 3 tribe split all the way to merge. My guess is merge at 11 or 10. That would be quite a few tribals to go without another swap but it’s certainly possible. Though I could absolutely see a swap now at 12. Two tribes of six, and then merge at 10. A final 3 with 7 jurors perhaps? Either way, I think I’ll hold on to this advantage until it seems likely that I’ll need it. No sense in causing some chaos if it isn’t necessary.

ok so i'm doing well in challenges rn, as best as i can at least, and i feel like that's the only thing keeping me alive bc.... nobody talks to me. i feel like i'm starting every one on one conversation and desperately trying to keep it alive and not be left on read. idk if they're like this with each other or if its just me but !!!!!! it doesnt make me feel good abt potentially losing a challenge. so i will just keep carrying my weight and keeping my cute little head down and pray im just being paranoid<3

WELL We lost the immunity challenge which is the first loss after four straight immunity wins. That was a nice little break while it lasted. The obvious choice right off the bat is to vote for Ali. Keeps the OG Andro tribe fully intact, and avoids the most possible drama. However, I worry he might have found the Circi idol from his original tribe. Plus whatever advantage he may have gotten from the first challenge of the season. So the alternate thought is to maybe vote for Jonathan or Zoe. I adore Ari would not want to vote them out. It's tempting to throw a vote on one of them in the event of Ali playing an idol, just to keep myself safe. But if Ali doesn't have an idol, that could cause a whole world of issues. On the flip side, I wouldn't be entirely surprised if some or any of my tribe mates decided to throw my name under the bus. I haven't been the most social person and while I have definitely pulled my weight in the challenges, I could see them having their own little group that's willing to throw my under the bus and make things as painless as possible for the rest of them, especially considering they've all said they like Ali a lot. Ahhh this is all so much worse considering I have the hidden immunity idol. I don't want to waste it, but I also don't want to pull a Kellee Kim and go home with it in my pocket. 

it's kind of ridiculous how well this is all going???? why havent they voted me out yet i am running this shit -talked to ali, told him he's gonna be fine we just need to get people to vote for keegan -talked to jonathan, convinced him keegan is the most logical vote "because he's shady" and because it also means we can vote ali easily next time (versus going down to andro 4 and having it get much more messy) -jonathan was like "should we tell ali right before the vote?" and i was like i think you should call him and see where his head is at and we can go from there, jonathan said ok good point, if he says he wants to vote keegan and he also tells you that without any prompting from either of us we know he's real about it -yeeted myself into ali's dms the very second jonathan hung up like OK LISTEN HERE IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY WHEN HE CALLS YOU, HE CANT KNOW I TOLD YOU ANY OF THIS -ali called me half an hour later like "omg we had such a good talk i love jonathan now deadass, i told him exactly what you said to say and he's so down" -presumably in the morning jonathan will call me and say "wow had a great talk with ali he seems cool and great and he said he'd vote keegan, what did he tell you?" and i can say "yeah same he mentioned keegan so i think we're good!" and jonathan will feel like we Did This Together and ali will feel like i Did This For Him and everyone will be in love with me -all i have to do tomorrow is make sure zoe is on board & that she doesn't feel pushed, and prob call keegan and make him some vague promises about working together long term, and then cross my fingers that i don't get blindsided during my editorial meeting at 9pm est i am having so much fun

i just keep thinking about how funny it’s gonna be when we get to merge and mj tells me to vote out all these people i’ve been making f2s with and i’ll be like “okay!!!!<3”

Not to go back to INV this round, but not much has been going on. I've been keeping up socializing but since we're not going to tribal it's been more quiet than it has been last round. I'm really glad we won though bc I feel vulnerable if we go to tribal again. Cindi seems close to Nathan, and Nathan and Jessie seem closer to each other than they will be to me so I'm worried I'd be an easy vote. So I'm really hoping for a swap or merge tonight, or at least a challenge we can excel in. Don't want it to come down to one point again.

^_^ Okay, so no important updates with this tribe! It's freaking QUIET. I haven't talked to Zach or Silver at ALL since being with this tribe. I've talked to Jules a lot and Asya some, though. I'd like to work with the two of them if possible and if we ever go to tribal here, which I don't want to do because uhhh it's worrisome! Anyway, the only actual update I have is that I found the legacy advantage!!! Randomly at like 2AM I found it. I don't remember what I was doing exactly... I think I just went to watch the Circi round 3 tribal and then the Trian round 4 tribal... and then I think I went to watch the Tribe Swap video to see if there was some sort of announcement made regarded the Oxygen Tank amounts because I was confused why that number was changed more than double. I guess I was also thinking that since the hosts didn't make an announcement that the adventure was resetting at the swap then MAYBE there would be a new twist/advantage inserted elsewhere for this next phase of the game? Now, being the crackhead that I am, of course back on original tribes, I SEARCHED everywhere on the blog that I could think of. Extenders URLs, the source code, hidden hyperlinks - everything. Nothing was there. But in this case, my brain said, hmm, let's just scroll down and see if there's anything in the description of the Tribe Swap Youtube video...and... there was!! I didn't really know what it was at first but when I opened it everything CLICKED! Finally the Reem Cameo from launch night serving a bigger purpose made total sense. After seeing this link in the description though and realizing it was calling back to something we were told about night one, I went back and checked to see if this had been hidden all along, and of course it's literally in the description of the Cast Reveal video!!! and every other video after that!!! Keeping in mind that I found this 11 days into the game, I was like, oh there's definitely some nerd that found this instantly on night 1 so I'm probably just gonna get a message saying nothing here or something like that. Obviously that wasn't the case though. I think nobody found this because I lot of people operate via mobile in these, and Youtube descriptions require an addition click to reveal what's there. Alternatively, for desktop users, who the hell is scrolling down for any reason while you're watching videos from your ORG?? It's nothing something anyone does naturally. So that explains that. Anyway, I'm happy I found it even though it has absolutely no use until Day 39. I will say though that having this and knowing that, it has really motivated me to get to the end of this game. Coincidentally, HOURS before I found this, I had a conversation with Jules about how quiet this tribe has been and that I'd like to start working towards bettering our positions moving forward seeing as there are people here with more/stronger connections than either of us. I just love that I found an advantage that motivates me to start playing this game, exactly how I'd voiced to Jules about feeling a desire to start doing SOMETHING. We love a live narrative!!!! Anyway, I'm not gonna tell Jules about the legacy advantage because it's an advantage that incentivizes people to vote out the owner and have it passed on. I trust Jules, we go YEARS back and have to successful runs as allies under our belts, but this is just something I'd like to keep to myself. Earlier today I also decided that I'm probably never gonna tell Ari about it either if our paths ever (hopefully) cross in this game. I wanna surprise my bestie! At any rate, Jules did tell me that Zach and Asya seem like the type of players that only play on tribal days (at least in this case of this game) which is fine, but I've played a few super intense, intimate, and high-stakes ORGs in the past couple of years which has made me prioritize personal relationships with people over barebones game relationships. This makes dealing with people who aren't that interested in getting to know me or revealing themselves to me a SUPER off-putting experience and a drastic change of pace from what I've become accustomed to. But I'm totally capable of adapting to this environment... I just don't necessarily prefer it. I feel like I have room to connect with Asya on a personal level if given the chance. Zach and Silver I don't know. Although, I do think that if we ever lose immunity here I could for sure spit some game to Silver that would make him believe I want to work with him. I already have an idea of how that conversation goes, and the potential negative consequence of it is practically non-existent on this swap tribe, whereas it could have backfired on me if original Trian lost that third challenge. Anyway, I'll get into that whenever we lose or if I get bored and initiate that chat just to feel something lol

No tribal ever again until merge or swap please. Jessie would be the one I'd want out and I assume Jay would as well but she has Nathan's shard so, like, he'd lose that and then I lose my hope of getting both their shards and misplaying my first idol because I'm not good at survivor

Yayyyy we won immunity. Idk what much else to say except that I got 40 fuel tanks

today i am mad and sad. lost the challenge, was my fault bc purple not pink. no i will not elaborate. now ari jonathan and i have decided to save ali and vote out keegan. i hope it goes well. i am filled with anxiety. i don’t even want keegan to go, we just have to make the decision based on the fact that we don’t want to be seen as a tight alliance going into merge, and keegan can make it look like there was a crack therefore not making us look strong. but he is just sacrificial unfortunately. but we’ll see how it goes. i’m still anxious

Wow we won what a concept See what happens when we don’t throw comps ? Anyways yeah that’s it I guess lol

Honestly I I'm done with these hoes I'm ready to vote off Keegan 

This is definitely a very stressful and emotional tribal. I hate that we’re voting for Ali because he is a genuinely fantastic person and under different circumstances I think we could have worked really well together in this game. But when there’s a 4-1 tribe swap and the four of us have absolutely no beef with each other, there’s not a whole lot that can be done. None of my other 3 OG Andro players come across as big move players either. So unless I’m being straight up lied to and am about to get completely blindsided, it’s looking like a unanimous Ali boot. Which is incredibly sad. I really wanted us to win out until merge so we wouldn’t have to vote him out. But such is the game. Keegan signing off (hopefully not for the last time)

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 7 “It's a Hot Mess Express “ - Scott

People are so hard to work with. I get they don't like this challenge truly I do but I just wish they wouldn't keep shutting down every idea I had. It's... annoying. I get that I'm also the problem here. Because if an entire room full of people is saying you're wrong then you're probably wrong but still. I dislike being shut down. I've just been feeling kind of isolated since my name was written down. Even in my own alliance it seems like everyone thinks less of me for being paranoid. It doesn't help that I'm not entirely pop culture savvy so a lot of their convos I'm a bit out of the loop on. Part of me wonders if it's cause I'm in a male dominated environment? I don't think they are sexist but I do think that I'm being unintentionally ignored. Like throughout the duration of this confessional I have submitted 6 ideas/comments to the group and they've either been left in the dust or dismissed. That has to mean something right? Is it my personality? Did I come on too strong with my enthusiasm? Do they think I'm bossy? Socializing doesn't exactly come naturally to me. If anyone had met me 4 years ago you'd probably be in the know. You know that ability where you can pick up what people imply, whether through body language or through hidden meanings. I don't. I literally was born with out that ability and it has done whatever the opposite of wonders are for my life. At first I thought it was fine, I thought hey no big, everything is good, people like me eventually. But then I played Malaysia... A lot of great things came out of that game, a lot of good friendships and memories but in a way it sort of haunts me. When the confessionals came out, for the first time ever I saw what people thought about me. Sure they liked me eventually but they also disliked me. Like really really didn't like me at all. It was my first real interaction with people outside of the treatment school I went to, it was my first real interaction with the rest of the world and people hated my guts. Don't get me wrong I always suspected I was disliked but... to see their actual written thoughts on paper was hard. Of course as they got to know me they started to like me but I couldn't forget that it wasn't always like that. That at one point they looked at me or their screen or whatever and saw a pest. And that's my biggest fear, that I'm the problem. That no matter where I go people see me and are filled with dread or disgust. That people are always wishing me some from of ill because I'm bad at conversation or sort of creepy. Well at least they came to their own conclusions now, maybe they pulled their heads out of their asses or because it wasn't me they were actually able to function. God this spiraled, I only wanted to complain about how shitty my tribe was being not go on this full blown existential rant. Fuck me am I right? I'm not sure what this is going to contribute to the game. There is no hashtag big moves or fun comments but like I already typed this up so I'm not going to delete it like a pussy. 

Ok now we can talk whew. UMMMM not Connor fucking up Duncan's perfect record! Now that I'm over the shock, thank you Connor because I'm 95% sure that obsession is the reason Duncan did the most to make sure Devon voted me instead of him back on Thoth https://giphy.com/gifs/mamovie-stalking-octavia-spencer-eavesdropping-j5uEVYERR0ncYlJ36e Really pleased with how the game is shaping up tbh, assuming I don't lose another music video challenge hahaha. I would LOVE a final 3 with me, Ali, and Devon but I know that's a long way off so I'm just focusing on the here and now. My biggest concern is protecting Ali. Essentially Duncan hit me up to work with him, TJ, and Jordan and I was very much like lol not sure about that. Mainly because Jordan and I don't have a strong relationship? And Duncan was like yeah but he wants to get to know you better and I'm like https://giphy.com/gifs/week-wtf-moments-QjIz1AqkGTszK If that's the case, that needs to come from Jordan and then it's between me and Jordan. Why someone else is interceding on Jordan's behalf is very dicey to me but I'm not that surprised because that continues to be a theme with Duncan: getting me to fit into plans that best suit him. Y'all know DAMN well Jordan Pines don't wanna go to the end with me and the feeling is mutual. But I HAVE to make it work with Jordan or Duncan will get pissy. He literally was like ok well who are you close with and I felt a serious feeling in my gut to not mention Ali. So I said oh I talk to Adam a lot but I wouldn't say I trust Adam. So after telling Ali all of this lmao, we decided I needed to go back to Duncan and say yes because it would keep me in the know and keep both of us safe. Also it allows me to keep an eye on Jordan and Duncan at the same time so we truly stan. And the gag is I'm not scared of Jordan Pines and I welcome the challenge of getting him out so love yall for letting me in through the front door hahaha My new issue is just timing. We'll be ok if we win this next challenge but if not, I could see that alliance targeting Ali. Obviously I have a plan and will put the vote on someone else but I really want to prolong turning on that group for as long as I can. I don't wanna spook TJ and I know killing Jordan will leave me with a pissed Duncan and I really don't need that based on how seriously he's playing. So I'm hoping I can finesse somehow? Maybe one of them gets idoled out at merge and then a blindside on the other won't be as messy. But yeah I keep feeling like the walls are closing in, in terms of allies, and I'm working HARD to make sure I have an exit strategy at all times haha cause fuck these men I'm trying to win again. I "love everyone" which means I have no problem voting out anyone

So let me just make sure i got this right, connor tried to get people to vote for me, they all told me, he "planned" with me to go for liam, then....he votes for duncan and he goes home unanimously? little did he realize when he went around and gave a feeble attempt at rallying people to vote for me, i had already rallied everyone to go for him and made sure everyone knew he was a liar and couldnt be trusted, you know im a firm believer in loose lips sink ships and i absolutely used my big mouth as my weapon to sink his ship. Even if there turns out to be some majority alliance that did this all without me then well...i guess that's another story but im still taking my hard earned credit because either way i got what i wanted one way or another so im here for it, sorry gal! i now find myself in a position i hope i can make some moves with, duncan already just made a vague to comment to me about how "it only takes 4 now" which he's right, and he mentioned autumn, himself, me, and ali. Which, that's a 4 I would love to go forward with for the time being, i like to think ive had good genuine talks with them 3 in particular, and now we can start get together maybe lock something in and if we make it to a merge or even another swap we at least have something to work with with each other, but we'll see, we gotta focus on immunity first now, id love to win just to for sure see any of the other people who lied to me go home oop so while i may be feeling ok now i just have to remember to simmer down and play smart and make the right connections with the right people i need and saying the right things to whomever needs to hear it, because that's what i do best in these type of games to stay alive, i feel like my intuition has been leading me ok so far this game so im just gonna keep basing my decisions off that and charging forward PERIOD and ill damn sure do it with or without the help of the tomb because a bitch can not get in ive tried over and OVER at this point im back to pounding on the door of it just hoping if im annoying enough yall will let me in!

i'll do a proper game confessional later but me and dan are both judges for the svalbard music video challenge and its so sad that we cant talk... its like... this could be us working on a music video if things were different kjlsdfa its missing dan and jake hours

Whew! Sorry about that what happened was I ran out of anxiety meds a few days and that rant was the commutation of being with out sanity pills for three days! Everything is fine! I am fine! People are fine! I am sorry to the future Thoth 2.0 tribe, you are all great, I just get very spirally when I am without some sort of stabilizing force! Sorry to the hosts for using this as a diary this is not a diary this is survivor... Anyway this time I have some more constructive things to add! Okay so things are fine. Dan and I continue to bond, though he had to call me out on being bad at communication in order for our relationship to progress. I get it was like a check point or whatever and frankly I appreciated it. Like I said in my rant yesterday I have massive paranoia when comes to interacting with people and whether they like me or not, so constructive feedback while annoying is always helpful. Plus through research I found that he values a good social game so the fact that he's reaching out and telling me what I'm doing wrong is probably a sign that I'm not a lost cause :D. It turns out we have a few mutual friends our lord and savior John Coffey and also Sarah,... Lynn to be specific there are like a shit ton of Sara(h)s so should probably clarify lol. I want to work with him. I know he's in the majority alliance with the brawn tribe, which also contains Jakey and Jordan. Considering the fact that the beauties are slowly but surely getting eliminated, their favor would be helpful to me and mine. However, I know for sure that one of them wrote my name down. Honestly probably both of them. I know I keep harping on this fact but I just really really don't like the idea of looking like an idiot by aligning with someone who wanted me dead or wanted to fuck with me. If we do lose this challenge we are going to have to figure out who to keep or who to eliminate, I feel like it should be between those two. Mostly because I'm not exactly comfortable with a brawn majority. Like I know how people are saying tribe lines don't matter and while they don't, advantages do. And what more advantageous than being in a majority alliance? If we get rid of a brawn that would make it 4 brains- 4 beauty - 5 brawn. Which seems a bit more fair lol. Also RIP Connor remember how I said he was a threat? Welp I guess this is why they don't ask me for cast assessments :/ and also cause I was dead for like several years.

absolutely nothing has happened in fact i was kinda in a ~mood~ today so i feel like my social game took a big L because i didnt feel like talking to anyone and i was busy so i kept being that bitch to responding once an hour ..... but in other news i finally accessed the tomb, and once i started using more than one brain cell at a time i was able to get in and it was actually about 10x easier than i was making it out to be im not sure WHY i was struggling so much but of course, to no surprise i finally get in and the pedestal is empty AGAIN. Now there's not only at least 1 idol from the last time i went in the tomb gone, but there's possibly a second too, if not an advantage that can easily be played against me. At this point all i can do is try and recover a little bit, tomorrow ill have to just try more with my conversations and hopefully one of the people i can somewhat trust is the person who has whatever was in their time time around but probably not, it's never that easy

okay so i have a video confessional from earlier uploading which is kind of a recap of the last two rounds BUTTT!! liam just finished editing our video and i love it!! he did so good and our tribe all tried our best... im just hoping the other tribe didn't go bananas all out, because if they didn't we should hopefully win... i really wanna win immunity because otherwise i feel like adam is gonna be the vote and i dont want that anymore KJASDFA. i would just be sad because idk who the alternative would even be.... so basically we better win immunity KJLSADFA

Me: Alright everyone, make sure you film horizontally!!! Devon: Fuck you

Honestly!!! I take back what i said about Kendall. I feel like we’re making some strides to work together??? Or she’s playing me? I’m hoping to stir a Devon vote this round because I think he threw the vote on Kendall to piss me off, but who knows. I wanna talk to Jakey and see what he thinks about a me/him/augusto/Amir alliance to get through this vote? Idk I trust him but who knows!!!! Maybe everyone is lying to me??? 

okay... i know i said god is a woman and her name is autumn but its time for the remix. god is a woman and her name is alyssa's mum because alyssa's mum just rescued us from defeat in that challenge JKASDF the judges were kinda unnecessarily harsh but we move on. basically for the other tribe's tribal, i hope jake/dan/devon live... hopefully another scary old school person goes but tbh who knows what is going to happen?! im just so happy to have made f13, i said i'd come 14th in my intro so we love surpassing my own expectations

the immunity challenge went well, we won, which is good because i just didnt feel like going to tribal council because im honestly unsure what the hell is going on, i wanted to feel good about the connor vote because obviously that was my plan from the start however he just made it a little too easy by not talking to a lot of people allegedly, up until right before the vote, i dont think there'd be an easy vote next time we go to tribal, unless ... it's me... am i the easy vote?? i wanna really think im not but its just always too quiet to me when we dont go to tribal there's also lots of talk and speculation about a possible merge at 13, but me and my vivid imagination aka paranoia think maybe another swap of some sort could still happen even if for just another round or 2, i never knew with you sneaky hosts!! also i know we won in the challenge but we wouldve won in the challenge by even more if liam used more footage of my video i sent in i feel like i got no screentime!!! but of course i kept my big mouth shut for once because there's no i in team so ill try not to throw too much of a diva fit but listen... i tried to give yall a DEATH DROP, and i pulled a wig ruveal by snatching off my hat, and i was giving you a whole tik tok dance i made myself..... but there was no way i was doing more than beyonce's part so he didnt have much to work with so touche .... the full version i made will just be deleted scenes for myself ill reflect on when im more mature and think to myself "what the fuck was i doing?" 

So not to my surprise, we end up losing the challenge AGAIN!! I've just accepted that I really don't have any luck in this game. I was really hoping that we'd just win every challenge until the merge because I'm over going to tribal and voting people out. I feel like going to the amount of tribal councils that I have has left a huge target on my back. But at the same time, I'm playing the game more than other are. Maybe I have that going for me, who knows. Anyways, the Thots alliance is deciding on either Devon or Dan for this vote. I basically told them I was good with either, even though I would perfer to keep Devon so that I at least have more of an opportunity to rebuild our relationship. I've made it very clear that if the group as a whole wanted to do Devon that I'd write his name down to prove that I trust this group moving forward. So we decide to go with Dan for this vote, and this doesn't really sit well with Jakey. I'm not surprised by that, since I know he's wanted Kendall out for awhile now. But he is really adamant that he doesn't want Dan to go. Which I get, he thinks that Dan would trust him moving forward. When it comes to Dan though, his social game lacks so much that it's like "I don't even know if I can trust him moving forward". And I think the fact that Jakey more so wants to target Kendall this round instead of Dan is a strong sign for me. I'm pretty positive he has an idol since the brain one has been found and he's lied to me about clues before. So this has me thinking, maybe it's a good time to get Jakey out this round? Thinking about it numbers wise for the future, we don't really need Jakey's vote for a majority this round since the four beauties and myself makes 4, and if we bring in Devon that's 5. Plus, I don't even think that Jakey's under the impression that he would... get voted out this round. He seems offly confident that he's staying, just that Dan's going. But I like to think he'd let Dan be a sinking ship and go.. Idk I'm gonna try to pitch this to Amir and see what he thinks. I kind of tried to hint around it to Augusto that Jakey wasn't cool with it, but Augusto kind of turned a blind eye at that. And I don't trust Kendall with my thoughts since she's very blunt... so I wouldn't be surprised if she leaked my plans. Similarly to what Devon did when I voted him out last week. I'm hoping that Amir will see where I'm coming from and that he might be open to that concept. For all I know, I could be voted out this round. And honestly, that'd be the smart move for them to make because my perception in the game so far has been pretty spot on. I think my self awareness this time around has been an asset for me, so I'm hoping that I can get by this vote and hopefully enter the merge soon. 

Coming back into the game, I knew I needed to open up a bit and start to Slither earlier than I would imagine. After throwing a vote onto Kendall, I broke down any chance between the Beauty and Brawn working together to knock out myself and Scott. I haven't told anyone about my vote, and don't plan to. Going into this vote, Dan should be the obvious choice. OG Brawn hasn't suffered any additional losses in numbers, and I'm just too close with Augusto/Amir/Kendall to consider flipping. In preparation of tonight NOT being a swap, I established an alliance with Amir and Augusto. They are a duo in every sense, but attaching myself to them sets up the opportunity to at least CONSIDER voting out Scott next round. It would have to be between him and Scott. 

All I got to say is oof… I genuinely thought I was on vacation after the last round like I’ve been SO bad about talking to people or at least that’s how I felt cause I was operating at 60% instead of the 110% I do when I socialize. That being said, I have my goals that I want to stick to and see happen. Dan needs to leave this tribal so I can get Jakey out next even if Dan leaving makes me really sad. Dan leaving takes a number away from the Brawn and a number away from Jakey, who I am able to get out by keeping Devon and having him/Kendall/myself/Amir vote for him if we happen to lose again. The alliance of me/Kendall/Amir/Jakey/Scott went on call last night and it was deadass an hour and a half long call where everyone was like “idk who should go but I’m fine with whatever” although… that certainly wasn’t the case. I, personally, made points that were pro-Devon such as Devon not having any clear allies to reunite with at merge and things like that and EVENTUALLY at the last 5 minutes of the call, we decided that Dan leaving is the better option. Scott and I even discussed a Brawn having to go before we even did the call so yeah. One thing I could tell though? Jakey was not having it. I understand his frustration but you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I voted out AJ to prove that I am not here to play by tribal lines and you said you would do the same but here we are… Amir called me last night telling me about how Jakey was trying to strong arm him into voting Devon out because Jakey didn’t want to do Dan… like sir, I’m? I’m very happy that Amir came to me and confided in me to kinda spill out his emotions like that makes me <3 but it also made me wanna pop off at Jakey because I don’t like those approaches in games hgfjdks even if I do really like Jakey, I was just ugh gjfdks. That aside, I feel like I am doing good about getting information and building friendships out here like I’m DEADASS is almost every single alliance on the tribes I’ve been a part of and while I don’t get tons of info from direct sources (ie. Jakey), I get the information from close allies (ie. Amir) which in a way can be even better? That being said, I’ve been way too good at forming friendships that every vote makes me feel really bad? With Dan for example, I adore that man like even if he isn’t the most talkative he’s just amazing. But does Dan benefit my game as much as Devon? Not really, even if Dan wanted to align. I’m sticking to my promise of doing what I have to do and be a little bit more cutthroat than I usually am because I do genuinely want to win this game and I’ll do what it takes to get there. Honestly, I’d be SHOOK if we do not merge next round or the round after ghfjdksm but I’m just trying to plan ahead and look at my connections. My Thoth connections are Amir > Kendall > Devon > Scott > Jakey whereas my Hathor connections are Autumn > Duncan > Adam (?) > TJ > Jordan > Liam M > Ali. If we do merge, making a secret thing with Autumn would be KEY just to have another person in my corner but also I need to connect with a Brawn to be good with them yknow? It’ll definitely be interesting and I can see the merge being messier than a taco bell bathroom BUT I’m hyped at the same time?

How is it already Day 16? There seems to be something seriously wrong with that. Anywho, I've let myself take a quick step back on the social game these last few days. I think I've put in the work to cement a couple strong groups here and can put myself in a good spot, but now I can avoid being the person that probably would be seen as a huge threat in the near future. Once merge hits (which I'm hoping is this next round), I'm going to have to go back to bringing that social game to a 9 (10 is where the Alyssa threat level begins), but right now I'm hopefully putting myself in a good place. In the event we don't have a merge and have one more vote on Hathor, I really think I need to make a move on Ali. I realize I keep saying this and I'm going to feel awful when he sees this all, but he is such a HUGE threat, and I can't let him skate by to where there's no room to stop him. I made that mistake last time in letting the person I knew would win get too far without me being able to stop them. Not this time. Ain't no fucking way.

This may very well be my last confessional lmao. I’m just feeling very paranoid about this vote and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone votes for me except for Jakey. Or if he even flips to the majority against me. And honestly! I’ve come to terms with it. I really tried my best in the game and I can’t be mad about how I performed in this game specifically. I understand I’m a threat in these games and if people are worried about me end game, quite frankly they should be. I know that I’ve played Tumblr Survivor one too many times and should have quit while I was ahead. I know I’ve talked about working with Kendall and killing Devon, but honestly idk who is voting where. I think I’m going to try to just go with what I think is majority (against Kendall) and just hope to god I’m not going anywhere. I hate having this defeatist attitude, but if I get voted out I’m going to have zero hard feelings and take it in stride. I guess I’m just not cut out to win tumblr survivor ❤️

Our video was so iconic, SHOUT OUT TO ALYSSA'S MOM!!! I should really be making sure im fortifying the bonds i've made but im really just happy to be on break and not have tribal. I've only been to tribal once within a 7 day time span instead of the 4 times in 7 days the brains endured before. I will say i was positively shook to get the vote from connor, but i never thought i could play a perfect game anyways lol. I'm hoping to god that dan or jakey go, i dont want the brawns over here to have other options than autumn and i come merge. Im surprised at myself because im starting to really want to stick with all these people come a merge, i suppose we'll see how it goes and how my attitude changes moving forward. 

Sooooooo I actually felt kind of bad about voting for Dan until he was throwing my name out :/ I guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I'm kind of nervous now. Like Jakey told me this and he did the same thing to AJ. Also I haven't heard anything from Scott yet... that's sketchy right? Ugh I swear if I'm voted out then Alyssa's mom, I will meet you in the Denny's Parking lot for a fight. I'm not afraid to throw hands at the elderly, ask Drew. 

We love when men listen to me an in turn we win immunity! This is now the second time that's happened lmao cause I sure did make everyone commit to a time block so we didn't play ourselves in the endurance challenge and I sure did suggest Telephone as the song choice so wooooo Not a lot has happened and I don't have a lot of time to talk to begin with but I have a strong feeling we are not merging tonight lmao. Tbh I look forward to another day on Hathor it's very chill over here, all things considered. Also I need a couple chill challenges the next two rounds cause ya girl is moving, graduating, and leading an underground movement all at the same time so don't set me up with a crazy time-consuming challenge lol

I feel vindicated. Starting off in this game, I was not doing so well gameplay wise. Flash forward, I've been a big contributor physically, and socially too! I've got big plans, and I will carry this tribe again if I have to!

(may've already submitted this but i'm worried i submitted it for day 18?)

Also...

ok let me just start by saying: im in an emotionally FRAGILE state at the moment writing this right after the winners at war finale.....SPOILERS IF YOU HAVENT SEEN BUT I HAVE TO SAY IT....NATALIE AND WINCHELE ROBBED, as inspired as i am by my aries sistren natalie and think she should've won, im even more upset for my fellow beauty sister michele because lowkey? i absolutely LOVE the way michele plays, because in my own head at least i like to think i at least play slightly similar, i like to lay low and just adapt to where i see i can fit the best, anywho thats all ill say on that, back to THIS game dan being voted out last round, was kinda meh, i had the tiniest conversation with him during one world and he did end up giving me some tea about the brawns, but i couldve easily tried working with him later on against the beauties, PLUS him leaving means that none of those false beauties left, which is bad for me because i want them all gone oop and ive worked hard over here trying to make sure everyone knows they are threats even if theyre not working together, they went against me and lied to me, which means i cant trust them or work with them, which means i need to make sure no one else does either it's very nice though duncan has approached me and asked who i was comfortable with incase we did go to tribal and he said him and jordan pines were pretty close and honestly jordan is the only one ive been on a call with this whole game which is fine because anyone who knows me knows i dont care for calls much in this game and that usually hurts me so im hoping its not hurting me this time but truly, im not sure people are approaching me way more with information and plans then they ever have so im hoping thats a good sign, espcially with duncan saying he basically wanted me to be in the know with him, i think i can trust him as of now going foward and i hope the same about jordan pines, because first of all i love his energy and him as a person my fellow stoner crackhead, and second of all let's be real i definitely want to use him as a shield later on cmon the guy has a season named after him, forget denise being the queen slayer, i want to be the king tamer also in good with ali and autumn i think?? i personally enjoy my short little convos i have with them frequently so i just hope we're on the same page, but idk the little voice in the back of my head is telling me it all seems too good to be true almost like a perfect illusion and maybe duncan is tricking me trying to talk to me about "keeping this tribe strong", so i guess we'll have to wait until the next time we go to a tribal together to find out so yeah in conclusion, sorry to dan, and plot twist of the century im rooting for jakey to not be voted out the other tribe? even though im still convinced he could be making me his number 1 target especially if he gets in kahoots with kendall, but im hoping i played them against each other enough during the one world so that didnt happen 

What do ya know....another tribal council. After only being exempt from one tribal, this has become somewhat of a routine. I am extremely confident in the numbers this round. I'm under the belief that everyone will be writing down Jake's name, and Jake will likely be writing down my/Kendall's name. Still, I believe there is a worry about idols. I would hate to be idoled out by Jake after everything I have worked towards...I can't afford to throw my vote on Kendall or Scott with the merge coming up so soon, because it fractures my game going into a potential merge...Somewhat of a "all or nothing" bet tonight.

Me @ the brawns who have been on this tribe: https://media.giphy.com/media/szPZ2NXIGCMcE/giphy.gif

So a couple new developments: 1. Jordan offered me a final two which I'm sooooo excited to see how that's going to turn out. I've really connected with Jordan this game (which admittedly I didn't think would happen before this game), but he's been the person I've confided in the most out here. So I really think this is going to be the start of something amazing. 2. With this F2 deal, Jordan told me that Amir/Jakey knew each other outside of this game. This is bad for me both because Jakey is supposed to be my other guy with Jordan, but also Amir is the person I'd want to target come merge (which should be next round). I have zero connection to him, he's proven to be good at comps, he's won this game before, and he doesn't add into my plan of having numbers on every side. So now I'm in a spot where I think I'll probably have to make a move against potentially my closest / other closest ally in this game. Being safe right before the potential merge feels amazing and opens a lot of opportunities, but is extremely scary knowing who is going to merge. Hopefully come to merge, I have a chance at the merge idol to avoid anyone else having the chance at getting it, because I need some added knowledge in this game.

I am so fucking pissed at Devon. WHY ARE YOU ON THE BRAINS IF YOU HAVE NO BRAIN CELLS!!!!!!! dsfjkaafkjdaldjfjadksjads Great now I get to die!

I don't know why Jakey wants to kill me. I am not a threat. Like at all? Most of the strategies I come up with are bad and I am barely social? Sure I guess I can win like a challenge or two but not enough to be physical? I mean I'm trying to kill him but like... honestly he started it 2 rounds ago. I am a paper tiger worse I am a paper giraffe. Sure I'm tall but basically harmless and only sort of evil. At least I remember why I hated him so much. I don't hate him NOW, I'm 22 years old I have better things to do then hate some guy for trying to win a game. But I am annoyed and inconvenienced by this. Maybe a little hurt too because the only reason I can think to get voted out is because my personality sucks so much that he doesn't see a future where we can work together. Which is fair I guess? But I can't be that awful right? God this game is a constant existential crisis... Also I think people are annoyed with me for being paranoid and shit. Oh I'm sorry people who's name isn't getting written down, I'm sorry I'm not more pleasant while I'm in fear for my metaphorical life. 

It’s a MESS ITS A FUCKING MESS SCOTTIE WANTS DAN OUT DAN WANTS DEVON JAKEY WANTS DEVON DEFON WANTS DAN AUGUSTO AND KENDALL WANT JAKEY AMIR WANTS NOT JAKEY OR AUGUSTO OR KENDALL I literally don’t have number in this game and I’m going to get fucked on at the merge 

Okay so Augusto basically told him that his name was an option for this vote or the next one and Kendall told him that the brawns are bringing up his name and said that he was the throw away vote So now my gut is telling me dan did it and jakey was in on it But I don’t care, if that’s the case Everyone on this tribe wants a brawn out, EVERYONE I just have to make sure it’s not jakey Because Augusto and Kendall want jakey now and I refuse it Rn it seems they r okay doing dan It seems everyone is cool doing dan So I’m happy with that

Jakey is fucking strong arming me r u joking Ndbdjdjsns Jakey talked to scottie And got scottie to want devon So now they’re gonna try and call the alliance tmmrw and change to vote back to devon over dan And if Augusto and Kendall don’t want to Jakey wants to pull brain and brawn to vote kendall like sir I’m literally getting strong armed, and he can’t see why people want dan out I could make a move rn But should I even I probably shouldn’t If they try to get kendall I will flip it on him 

don’t know what to do I’m pleading so hard with jakey rn like hey it’s not good for me to go into merge with 6 brawn 4 beauty (dysfunctional) and 3 brain (dysfunctional) And I said I want to do dan is that okay like jakey u need to choose a side, brawns, or this tribe And he goes If u decide to do dan Then I’m gonna unite dan and Scott and Devon and vote kendall So if that’s the case, I’m sending u home theres no way around it then

Throw back to last night when I hung up on jakey to call Augusto and told jakey that I was taking a shower but literally I was gone for an hour and needed an excuse fast so I told him i shaved my ass call that strategic ass shaking 

Okay so this tribal. Everyone on my tribe thinks jakey is evil and he’s just going to go back to the brawn tribe, which is like, wtf, he literally voted in minority on purpose and gave us leverage on him. Like he literally has put himself on the line multiple times. He ratted out the brawn majority over and over. Like jakey is not loyal to the brawns on the other side at all. The people on this tribe don’t give a shit and my opinion isn’t being heard at all, Kendall won’t budge and Augusto won’t budge, and Scott wants to keep devon. Can I just say scott is a rat, he is playing every single person. Jakey trusted him soooo much . Anyway, everyone wants jakey out for literallt no reason and jakey trusts me 100% and jakey is the best way to get info from the brawns on the other side. Anyway, KDJDKSN KDNDKD we are getting dirty. Jakey has an idol. And I told him he was the vote and I made it sound like it’s all Scott’s decision cuz I’m really tight with Kendall and Augusto, so now, jakey wants to idol out Scott Basically, it’s time for a cluster fuck and it’s time for chaos So at merge jakey and I will play from Opposite sides

so jakey fking tried to flip the vote and he blew up the 5 person alliance to devon and hes fucking up my game so much nkwejfnkew god maybe i will try and get him out at merge even tho i love him, i basically had to ccreate this narrative that jakey thinks that me jakey scott and devon are voting kendall but jakey is actually voting out scott jesus christ thi round gave me a migraine i have a case of the lie-abetes

I- there's nothing else to say hahaha the boys don't even talk game. So when I know something y'all will know something

People are paranoid as hell about a merge. What is there to be paranoid about, honestly? I've just tried to come into this game and have a good time and I think I've achieved that. No one is really looking at me as a threat right now, and there's still plenty of time left to play.

okay so i filmed a video confessional earlier which i will upload but adam just woke me up to the fact that we might be merging tonight?! which is so exciting and kinda crazy.... and the days line up with montenegro for us to be merging... at merge i think all my "laying low" can finally be for something and i can transition the bonds i've been making into making stuff happen. i've also been hosting a game during these quarantine times and i've realised people that do too much making SUCH deep bonds during the early stages become the people the jury is mad at in the endgame. i feel like im the middle ground, people feel close to me (and I would like to think I've come across as likable) without everyone thinking im their soul sister closest ally. at merge i think my "close" people who i can somewhat rely on are: autumn, jake, dan(?), jordan(?) and adam? like i have a core of people with various connections, which gives me some cover. its just about then feeling out the rest and seeing who i can trust amongst the rest... particularly the unknowns of augusto/kendall/scott/amir (assuming they are all at merge). like that is going to be the most important part of the merge stage for me, is figuring out which of them i can trust (and i do think dan and/or jake's opinions can help with this, because brainstorming with autumn helped me figuring out this hathor swap tribe).

i'm excited for merge... i do think i have early juror written all over me but i am also very excited. its time to emerge from the shadows and stumble my way into the light

live fast die young merge boots do it well. i literally am a clown, i got excited by my guess going so well and now i literally am a target the size of the sun exclusively because of my own actions what was i thinking KJASDFA honestly at this point? i embrace it, i push the 'im a shield' narrative and i trot on my little trotters to being mayor of ponderosa. this season i chopped of my own head so will not be the winner and the king, but hopefully i can be a kingmaker? also if me winning the tiebreak sends jake home i literally will be so unspeakably frustrated with myself i will literally... scream. HE PROBS HATES ME. i'm praying he lives i will feel so bad if he doesnt KLASDF

i literally... can not believe i am so stupid my lack of braincells really boggles my mind

So I was really hoping that we would win this challenge today because I like everyone on this tribe. But of course with my luck in this game, we lose AGAIN. And it's a shame because I like the Thots Alliance and i feel bad voting out Devon. I know he's someone who trusts me and although I don't 100% trust him, I know that he's someone I can depend on. Plus he makes a really good goat at the end, so it'll make winning more of an obstacle for me without him there. To my surprise however, Kendall and Augusto approach me with the idea of voting out Jakey. I really like Jakey and I practically see him as my #1 here, so voting him out would be difficult for me to do as well. We've discussed the idol together, he gave me his CBS all access account info to watch the finale, and hes one of the very few smart people in this game. So on a personal level, this is a hard decision to make. However, from a game perspective, it might be the right call. Jakey's setting himself up to be a swing vote at the merge, and the fact that he campaigned for Dan to stay and was adamant on not voting him out shows that. When it comes to Devon and I, I would prefer to not vote Devon out but if I needed to in order to show that I trust an alliance moving forward I would. So the fact that Jakey doesn't see it like that is alarming to me. In addition to that, I know that Jakey has lied to me multiple times in this game. He purposefully gave me the wrong idol clue for one of the matches, and when I called him out on it he bluffed it up. On top of that, I know for a fact that he voted for Kendall during the AJ vote. And the fact that he's trying to play it off on Devon goes to show the lengths he would go to make sure he controls everything. And on top of that, he wants us all to tell Devon straight up that he's going. Like... did he not learn from my story when I tried to do that? It can't happen. From a game perspective, voting out Jakey is the more logical choice to make. He can navigate better in a group of people and is aware of whats going on. Devon on the other hand, doesn't even know where the idol is or how to look for it. Devon is someone who you can take into a merge and know what he's going to do. Jakey is more unpredictable. And I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to rally up troops to blindside me when that time came. From a personal perspective, I prefer that Devon goes just because of the lack of trust between us and the fact that I don't ever see myself fully trusting him. Sadly I have to lose this battle in order to win the war at the end. So I'm going to vote Jakey out tonight and really hope that it doesn't come to bite me in the but or that he doesn't play his idol (i know he has one, its obvious with how paranoid he's been)

Guess I’m gonna cry because we lost… by a tiebreaker… it was sad. I feel especially awful because had I not made the mistake of repeating a name on my list during my 8th guess, we could’ve very well have won… but no one needs to know that! It just blows because going into a potential merge in a 7-5 scenario is NOT it. Plus like, their only vote was a unanimous vote for Connor which like… love Connor, but a rock could vote Connor out. I wanted to see tension, I wanted to see idols played, I wanted to see hands thrown, I wanted to see lines drawn, and I wanted to see messiness but all I ended up seeing? Disappointment. I hate it here deadass (‘:

Aside from being kinda sad we lost, I do feel super secure. Last round, I wanted Dan to leave to get rid of Brawn numbers and have the best chance to get Jakey out and now I have that! I know Amir is on the fence but I know Kendall and Devon would be all for it (Scott is as well, but I didn’t really know how much he’d be about it until this round) so it needs to happen. While I adore Jakey as a person and we’ve connected a lot, our strategic games don’t align at all since he doesn’t tell me much of anything? Most of his info goes to Amir or Scott and I’m being selfish here but I want all the tea (‘: plus him playing double agent with the Brawns at merge is not what I need if we’re going into the merge with not enough numbers. Not only that but Adam is a wildcard in terms of if he’ll work with me or not but Jakey being there with us makes it so Adam wouldn’t want to so there’s that. Girl… i sound like a whole ass gamebot wtf ghfdjnms

It’s so weird like I am extremely proud of the game I am playing but I still feel inadequate as a player? I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others because I’m ME but my two closest allies (Kendall, Amir) are playing so much better? Amir is able to get all the tea in the world and form those important game connections which I don’t feel like I can yknow? With Kendall, she is just so bold (and beautiful) with her gameplay in a way I could never like she doesn’t mind being the secondary target, she talks to everyone and talks game with everyone, and stuff like that. So in a way, I’m probably not a major threat to people because those two icons are here BUT I also don’t know if that’ll make me seen like a non-factor… that’s just how I feel going into merge and it’s kinda mehhh idk ;-;

MERGE IS COMING. TOnight actually, people are speculating, but im the only one with the certainty that its tonight and im feeling wonderful. I think if I play my cards right Im gonna have a lot of options come merge. God pending Kendall does not die tonight (hopefully her beauties keep her alive) im gonna suggest we secret pair beware this shit and tsart working from opposite sides to keep each other safe. That will allow me to pick of people Im not working with, while hopefully ensure that people im not with who are with her will be detered from targeting me. Thats my plan but who knows what the true dynamics of merge will be. Ive been playing quiet so far but im about to become the star of teh show, my ego just cant take it.

i really feel like by getting a five i got jake voted out and i want to scream i literally am gonna be out for blood if he goes

[vandergelic-blog]

RFA + minor trio react to MC being a total party animal or just really hyper loool

Aww my first HC request. >\

Party Animal/Hyper MC

Yoosung:

•This poor boy, you wore him out so much.

•You would always plop yourself in his lap during his LOL matches and flash a smirk at him, while he grunted trying to push you off so he could focus.

“Let’s go out honey~” You would say.

“But we went out last night, and the night before that!” He whined.

So you simply crossed your arms over your chest and huffed. “I’ll just go by myself then..”

Before you could storm off, he had grabbed your wrist and let out a groan. “Fine, we can go out. But let’s not stay too long, please? I have class tomorrow.”

He would literally do anything to make you happy, he’s too pure. Just make sure you give him all the cuddles he needs when you guys get home late that night~

Jaehee:

•Loved how active and outgoing you were. It was a trait she admired about you and something she wished she had.

•I feel like she’d be able to keep up for a little while, not being able to say no to spending time with you.

•But would eventually burn out and explain there are nights where she simply can’t do it. She feels terrible about it but it’s the honest truth.

•So instead of going out into public, y'all just stay home and get turnt to broadway music lol. That was enough for the both of you as long as you were with each other.

Zen:

Despite his hectic rehearsal schedule, Zen loved to go out! It gave him a chance to flaunt his looks when he wasn’t on stage.

Sometimes if you guys were out at a nightclub, you guys were the life of the party.

Just the ultimate couple tbh.

But there are times where he would rather just stay in with you.

Sometimes you guys would throw your own parties in your guy’s apartment with just you two. Playing Just Dance, doing karaoke, and stuffing your face with food.

You guys would even create your own little musicals.

He also loves to go out on a private date with just you and him, because the paparazzi can be too much sometimes. 

You two just always have fun together, whether you’re out in public or at home. He loves your energy.                                                                         

Jumin:

This CEO isn’t much of a partier, but he loves to travel with you. 

Questioned your sanity at first. “How is she always so..energetic?”

Nevertheless, there would be some clubs he would go to you with, but would much rather enjoy the nightlife with you only.

Most of the time you would take him to fun “commoner” activities..like rollerskating, or a carnival!

He grew to actually really like rollerskating? I feel like he would be a pro at it, and just be gliding across the rink like it was nobody’s business lmao.

Oh, and when you introduced him to cat cafe’s.. his mind was blown and his heart was full.

“I must open one up in Elizabeth’s name.. it could have rollerskating as well. I could develop rollerskates for cats so they could do it with the guests.”

JAEHEE RUN

This guy loves you and loves exploring and trying new things out with you!!

Seven:

This guy honestly loved to party as much as you did, when he wasn’t being a distant little shit.

Just like Zen, you two would be the center of attention I feel like. You both were just obnoxious and hyperactive.

Y’all usually caused a scene wherever you went because of your shenanigans. 

Once you guys got kicked out of Walmart for doing the floor is lava challenge and Seven jumped into the thing that holds all the bouncy balls sending them flying everywhere, while you jumped onto a stack on packaged toilet paper making the whole thing topple down.

Seriously guys what the fuck is wrong with you we can never take you anywhere without causing a mESS

YOU GUYS JUST ALWAYS HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE OKAY 

AND HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH FOR IT BECAUSE HE NEVER HAD ANYONE IN HIS LIFE HE COULD DO THIS WITH

BECAUSE THEY WOULD JUST SMACK HIM UP HIS HEAD

OR TASER HIM (VANDERWOOD PLS)

BUT YOU JUST GO ALONG WITH IT!!

JUST THANK YOU FOR BEING THIS GUY’S HAPPINESS AND BEING AS WEIRD AS HE IS CAUSE HE DESERVES IT. 

Saeran: 

The last party he went to he was fucking brainwashed.

This little guy would be so anxious oh GOD, please be gentle and go easy on him please.

Sometimes your hyper-ness would get on his nerves and he would give you one of his ~death~ glares in hopes to get you to stop. 

But you don’t and you just keep on rambling and being a weirdo.

How did I fall for someone like this she’s just like my brother if not even worse why do i do this to myself-

At the parties you did get him to go to, he would just sit in the corner with a dead face like the emo child he is.

A drink in one hand, a cigarette in the other as he watches you bust out ridiculous dance moves in front of him in an attempt to lighten his mood, but all you got was an exasperated sigh.

“imissmyreligiouscult”

sAE RAN PLEASE

When he’s had enough he would say “Let’s go.” in a blunt voice and if you refused he would pick you up and throw you over his shoulder and exit the building, ignoring all your complaints. 

To be honest, he would much rather just cuddle with you and talk about random shit.

He enjoys private intimate moments with you where everything is just calm because his life has been so hectic from day 1. 

He thought you were adorable and loved how full of life you were.

He would much rather just be in your arms or vice versa.

He would never admit that tho.

little btich

V:

When you said that you liked to go out..he didn’t know you meant..nightclubs and wild parties. 

I really don’t think you guys would ever go out and party like that!! Maybe once in awhile but definitely not frequently.

And you would be perfectly fine with that because this guy is the love of your life alright.

Instead of going out, you guys would like to bicycle together! (THIS IS IF HE COULD SEE OK OMG IMAGINE V TRYING TO RIDE A BIKE IF HE WAS BLINDJKS)

You guys would bike around the park or to the zoo or whatever!

Have little picnics with each other beneath a cherry blossom tree and feed the geese in the lakes. Despite the sign that says DON’T FEED THE GEESE.

Would take many pictures of you and the scenery. 

You would also do mini photoshoots of him!! He always says he likes to capture art BUT YET HAS NEVER TAKEN A SINGLE PICTURE OF HIMSELF WTF

This dude loves to spend every second of his days with you, would often take you on his trips~

Vanderwood: 

This guy wasn’t going out to no damn party where there would be drunk people, sweat and vomit everywhere ok. 

HE WASN’T HAVING IT.

Only time he would go out is to get discounted cleaning supplies from Walgreens-

“Wait, what?”

“Bowling?”

“what is that wha t”

So you take him to a nice bowling hangout

Uh MC why do I have to change my shoes???? they don’t go with my leopard print. im not taking off my gloves either its not happening

omg shut up and just do it vanderbaby

he’s scoffing as he puts on the shoes, upset that it’s ruining his ~style~ 

“So..I have to slide this ball at the pins and knock them down?”

“Can I pretend the pins are Seven?”

After telling him yes he’s literally chucking the ball down the damn aisle

is petty AS FUCK WHEN IT MISSES AND GOES STRAIGHT OUT OF THE LANE

WHAT THE HELL I CAN SHOOT A GUN BUT I CANT FUCKING BOWL 

keeps his cool tho, pretends like it’s not even his fault, makes up excuses

“it’s rigged, they slicked the alley with some type of liquid so that’s why my balls keep missing.”

“did u just say… my balls”

“god MC shut up you act like you’re the best but honestly you suck just as much as i d-”

DID YOU JUST FREAKING GET A STRIKE WTF ALKJFKL

Gets super competitive suddenly, and eventually once he gets the hang of it he beats your ass then pretends like he wasn’t even phased

like no he wasn’t even trying man it was just natural, he didn’t become a special agent for nothing

like he would subtly rub his win in your face and console you like you were ACTUALLY upset 

“it’s okay maybe next time honestly i wasn’t expecting to win im just as shocked as you, ya know”

god vanderwood just shut up and take me home

anyways he doesn’t mind going out with you, he enjoys it actually but he wont admit that to you either 

[lewishamada]

Panda's Past (a oneshot)

((so, i am not used to write some fanfics, because im used in drawing mangas and comics so pls bear with my wrong grammars here.. English is not my first language haha)) This is also includes in the list of my upcoming working comics :) --- It was an ordinary morning with the bears. The wind rustling in the iron branches gently scratching Panda's window. Panda, rubbing his eyes got up and fix everything and just turned into his cellphone. Scrolling up to refresh, a new total number of likes: 0 Panda may be used to this kind of situation but it may never settle less. Opening his door, and his big footsteps were heard walking to the bathroom. Ice Bear, the one who got first woken up, flips the pancakes and frying the eggs. "Oh good morning man, what's for breakfast" Panda said in a hoarse voice uncertainly saw what Ice Bear cooked. "Pancakes, Fried Eggs, and Bacon" Ice Bear replied in his usual tone, flipping the pan and the shizzling sound of oil can be heard. Panda headed to get his contact lenses and carefully placed it in both of his eyes. Panda can now see clearly... his image in the mirror, seeing the black spots in his eyes and he felt happy despite of having 0 responses and likes in his new video in Everyone's Tube and instantly wears his smile and saw Grizz went out of his room. "Hey bros! Good morning!" Yawning and stretching his paws out and went immediately to the kitchen table. "Ice Bear will go to bathroom... to clean" Ice bear said in the same voice and carefully handed the brush and the detergent. Just a typical day for the bear as it is. But something is bugging Panda's out. A small conversation is in between Panda and Grizz after eating "So Pan-pan, i just remembered why i got hooked with that giant burrito man" "So-so... what is it? Is that even have in connection in what are we doing now?" "I mean like, when i was a cub, It was a stormy night and the thunder crackles—" "Dude wait—" Panda pause for a few moment reminiscing something inside his mind, gently opening his mouth and spoke some few words: "I should post this with the hashtag Throwback Wednesday" Grizz interrupted with a stomp in the kitchen table and all of his food went anywhere... Its actually a total mess. The bacon prepared by Ice Bear is in the floor. Waiting to get it back, Grizz immediately chomps the bacon and leaves a burp. "Panda, let me finish please. Oh c'mon man, it's fascinating!" "Okay Grizz I'll listen okay okay" "It was a stormy night when i climbed a tree, I dont even know how I climbed that thing but somebody help me out of it—" "Wait wait! Is that us?" "Man, no!" "Okay okay" "The fireman helded his hand at me and telling me to trust him, when I hugged his arm, i feel comfortable in a state where all of my fears were gone" "So did you just think that Burrito is also the fireman's arm?" "Yes. Thats it!" Grizz went back to his room and go on a surf. Immediately, Ice Bear has finished cleaning the Bathroom, and it's ready for use. Panda, alone in the kitchen table, staring in the ceiling seems like he's thinking deep. Ice Bear went on his front and gently got his Vaccuum below Panda's feet "Ice Bear needs that vacuum" "Oh sure bud, ta-take it" Panda lifted his little toe above the chair. The chair creaked as he bent his self to help Ice Bear got the vaccuum. Panda again, as his usual habit, surfing the internet finding some good things happening. Panda is a one kind anxious bear, actually he really is, since birth. With his body and system full of requirements to interact with the everyday life. Full of allergies including his severe allergies to peanuts. In a moment Grizz went out in his room and shouted. "Ohhh guys! I saw something here in the internet! The voice trembles Ice Bear since he is in front of Grizz. Shaking, falling and shivers. His eyes were in total shock for what Grizz have done, but all of these is just normal to Ice Bear... Like seriously, he's acting nothing happen. No one can blame that he is introvert in nature.. Grizz, in a total shock hold Ice Bear's arms and helping him to stand up. "Sorry dude, I think I just screamed so hard! Oh well man, you are fine now" Grizz scratching his head pleaded for forgiveness, and as Ice Bear patting his shoulders and rubbing his nape, scratching his legs. "Ice Bear is ok now" Grizz in a relief, continued what he wants to say. Fixing his self. Clenches his fist and shows the laptop. "Pan-pan! Look at this article about Pandas!" Panda, amazed about what he heard, jumped in into Grizz' side, rushing in an instant. Ice bear also takes a peek from the laptop, gently squeezing himself from the bears. In the article shown, Grizz read it aloud, but not that loud. Loud enough to be heard from 500 meters radius away from them. "So, I'll read. "Pandas are racoon-like animals, but they are bears—"" Panda, in anger interrupted what Grizz has read, and immediately corrects them. Ice Bear and Grizz left in silence while Panda is having corrections on the article "Pandas are not half-bear, half-racoons! The-The'yre just bears with spots!" "So they're giant racoons?" Grizz replied in astonishment and confusement. Ice bear and Panda look at each other and trying to understand if it's a joke or if it's serious. "C'mon man! there is no such thing as Giant racoons!" Panda said in a clear voice, raising his arms like for sacrifice. Ice bear joins in the conversation, steps forward in a second. "Ice bear thinks Pandas are racoons" "Even you bro really thinks pandas are racoons? C'mon man! You and grizz do'nt understand me!" Panda, in a high voice, yells in front of the bears, and rush outside of the house. Angrily forced the door shut leaving the door a big BANG. Panda went into the wilderness "Pan-pan do'nt go!" Grizz cried aloud. "Let's go dude! let's find Panda!" Grizz and Ice Bear immediately gets out of the house and tries to find Panda. --- "Pandas are not racoons. Are they racist? Like, I am a bear okay—" Panda is taking a rest in the shade of the giant tree. Gentle breeze scrapes his fur and unexpectedly, a tear drop in his own very eyes. Panda is crying. He went up and fix his self, patting his tail for some dirts, rubbing his eyes and carefully opens his cellphone. A notification popped up in the screen of his phone, as he reads that message, he thought of something worth done if he leaves the cave. What if he will make a new life alone? Without his brothers? Panda knew his side, and he also knew that he is over acting. He forcely closed his eyes and think. But all of the things that pin him down is going inside his head. A bit of diziness is unto him. And he falls to the grassy ground. A fall that lead him where his past is lurked within. His greatest fear, the memory he wants to forget. -- The puddle of rainwater is clearly seen in a rainy night sky. The loud noises from the above is the only tool that can make little panda to trek the road all by himself. Soaked, filthy, stench smelling animal, walking alone in the rainy evening. Little Panda is struggling in pain. A thorn of a certain plant, is buried under his toes. Bleeding a little, but surely the pain lies inside. Earlier, he was in a trouble with some racoons, and jumped into rosebushes finding a good place to hide. But this is not what is happening, the reality is unfair. Being a new visitor in New York makes sense since he's from China. Went into a trip from an airplane to immediately place him in the zoo, but panda thinks this is not helping him realize the fun. Instead, he has the will to get out of the cage and find a new life. He realized that having his brothers in his life really makes him think that life isnt challenging, you will actually need some bud to carry you on. A bud that sleeps in the ref, in a messy bedroom, and a bud that is his brother. -- Panda opens his eyes, and a bit of blurry can be seen, although he already has his contact lenses. His head, aching a little that much, is not in his business. Panda immediately gives a warm hug for his brothers. He, trembling with embarassment pleaded for sorry. "G-guys, I'm so sorry about what happened" His eyes, starting to flow with some teardrop, shakes and wants to eject and makes him cry, but Grizz hugged him tighter that makes him lovable and cute. Grizz, in a replied, also asks for forgiveness. His paws are hanging a bit wanting some handshakes, but Panda also gave something. It's a picture that says "Pandas are racoons" "Ice Bear does not believe with that things" Ice Bear, enters the conversation with a suspicious look in his eyes. Clearly seeing that Panda is contented with his brother. He hugged them so hard that even Grizz cant feel his tummy. "I love you guys. I wont leave you again"

[natashahudsonshares]

PS : Forgive me for my pictures as it was taken last year and many years of not seeing my siblings. Here I share what means so much to me and what i am currently going through at this crucial moment. Do not judge but understand.

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullah Hiwabarakatu,

As i write this heart races & palpitates with speed of 1000km tears of pain,sadness,overwhelming feelings of what is currently happening in my life. Things have been slow. Has it? All i know there has been a roller coaster ride of reflection,regret,pain and a little happiness shining in and out. (I wish)…a word that pops in my head,heart maybe? I wish i was closer to her,to them,to many things,people and Allah. Ya Allah nevertheless i should be thankful for all these test. I only have you Ya Rabb.

Are we grateful for the things in our life,the test,the hikmah? Masyallah tabarakallah Allah swt has tested me so much. I know as a weak human/servant i complain,we all do. Fullstop what a habit right? Cant we be more grateful. So much confusion.misconception here and there,fitnah,twisted world,dilemma all over the place for so many. But we are still lucky to have them all. Stabbing pain, a usual pain that is immuned in our system for many of us just in different levels and types. Just how do we overcome them? Before that, here goes my story.

So recently early last year about a few months ago, i was given the shock of my life. I mean its nothing new to experience but to me it is ( here we go all over again). My sister..my eldest sister…Belinda Ann Hudson which resides in Brisbane,Australia gave me news few months ago about being diagnosed with brain cancer,stage 4 and the worse type she could have. “Its treatable Tash, but not curable and its the worse of its kind!” she said. It happened too quick. One day she had a severe headache and next day over check up? Ka boom….she found out about this. Operation done and still fighting,surviving. It tore me..all of us. She is possibly the best sister anyone could ask for. Although we come from different mothers it does not make us any distant nor different but yet still known as blood siblings. She is the only one that truly understands me,and indeed she is perfect to my eyes. She is constantly steadfast in her way. So calm,bright,funny,beautiful,loving,kind,caring and the list goes on. This i found as an opportunity. What was it?

Alhamdulillah i remind myself off this test. Cry,scream,whatever but don’t wail. Its all written and how will ours be? I can’t deny i break down a lot,a kick in my butt that reality is kicking in. We will all die,we will. Time is passing by with a blink of an eye,we are ageing,our grey hairs are showing and embrace the ageing process,half of our life is over but are we ready? How will our life end & how do you want it to end? Have any of you ever thought about this?I have. Almost everyday.So I tried something unimaginable. I started giving my sister in Australia dakwah. Her faith is Catholic Christian. But to her religion probably doesn’t exist anymore and she hasn’t practice it for 2 years. I didn’t hard sell my religion but i wanted her to know what peace was, what calamity was about and how to remain calm even the storm is heading our way.She mentioned that she won’t watch any of the dakwah videos i sent her (my heart torn a little) to me which were considered light and more of motivational/therapeutic videos although it uses Islam as its base. Islam is easy and so easy to understand. It’s all about sense. Tawheed really. The oneness of god. I don’t know what i was thinking but i know that i want her to be in Jannah (heaven). I need her. I wish to gather with my family even till the end. I hold this responsibility as a muslim to bring my family back to the straight path. I want Allah swt’s rewards and Redha. She stopped practising her faith which was Christianity about 2 years now. She doesn’t believe in god anymore. She said “I feel like this because most people in the western civilisation hardly practice much of it nowadays!”

I once went to an Islamic class about siratulmustakim and the scholar then mentioned “If a disbeliever which was never a muslim says to Allah swt while being questioned just before the sirat “ Who is your god?’’ and replying  “I believe that Allah swt is my god and i accept him as my creator!’’ he will cross the sirat like a speed of light and into jannah. How amazing is Allahs mercy yet we deny him. I can’t force my sister to revert, going bck to her fitrah, my intention was her to accept the decree of Allah swt n its signs. I had to respect her for whatever choices she makes but nevertheless i would never stop making doa for her till her last breath. You just never know what Allah’s plans are.

And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allaah will certainly make     (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allaah knows all that before putting them to test)”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:2-3]

In my family sickness has been rather common. 3 of my siblings are unwell. My eldest brother Richard has been living with cancer for almost 10 years now, My sister below me Tania has been living with asthma and AVM ( a very rare brain condition) . She survived, as it is i almost lost her. Usually There is not chance of survival but Allah has given her many Chances. Me and Emma Jane (the youngest) so far are alright. I mean i was diagnosed with permanent low immunity after my second baby and eye issues but so far alhamdulillah i am ok. Keeping strong. May Allah protect me. I seek in him, i ask of him. We expected Belinda to detioriate by September but so far she is still looking fine and no news of her getting worse in any sign. I hope Allah swt changes her fate in some ways. A little more time for me to spend time with her. I found out  that  when i was visiting her she started going on Bicarbonate Soda. Apparently good to alkalise the body and a natural form of treatment/prevention for cancer and such . I found these article below :

~natureworksbest.com/dr-tullio-simoncini-sodium-bicarbonate-cancer-treatment/ ~http://drsircus.com/medicine/sodium-bicarbonate-baking-soda/uses-in-daily-health

You know few years ago i once said to myself. I know that my heart is sold rock but one day Allah will test me, it will be big and it would be about my loved ones. One by one i see it coming. How will i be able to face all this? I was clueless then, ignorant,less knowledgable, not so much on the deen yet searching. It all makes sense now. Why Allah says “Never love anyone else or anything more than you love Allah. Others will come along when you focus on him first. We need to prioritise our Creator first ,cause in actual fact who decides? Who listens? And who changes fate /things for all of us? He does. Believe it dear ummah. Ramadhan the most magical month gives us many moments,days,a month to repent,to ask,seek and make it all change. How did i go the last time? It was tough with 3 kids and a workload of responsibilities  and it was challenging but yet i miss our holy month. I hope allah gives me a chance and considered by appeals. I wish i did better but allah swt knows best and I’m sure he is the Ghaffar (forgiving).

3 days ago i received an email from my brother and numerous calls from Dad which i missed. My brother said i should quickly give my sister a call and say my last words. Keep on doing so he said, use the time left wisely. My dad mentioned how bad her situation is at this very second. No. Not now i tell myself. I broke down a few times. The last time i experience grief was when my best friend died to cancer as well. I didn’t like the memory of that. Grief is horrific. Its painful. Sorrow keeps u in a hole for agile. What do i have for her now. I can only offer my prayers. I can’t physically be there due to my weak finances. Its painful. I can only look back at the photos we took last year and cry. My last wishes? For her to utter the Shahadah. But then again who will guide her or remind her. I just wished i was by her side this very moment. Spoke to her yesterday and boy she sounded way different than norm. She slurs her words and i cant digest much of her words. My brother inlaw said she is not in any pain just tired,weak,short term memory lost and weakening. Down right low at this very moment. This worse part of her fight is here.

My sister Tania may be able to see her soon and i hope she gets the best last days with Belinda. Ya allah please may it easy on her. Give her the light down that tunnel. Please forgive her for her wrong-doing and protect her always. Allah swt has more than just names but he has the right to everything. We are not even close to it at all. All hikmah has it reason  to come in an out of our lives. We are waiting for our own ticket. Our own time. Life ain’t a bed of roses and we all have our own obstacles. The rich become poor and the poor become rich. The healthy gets sick and the sick gets healthy. How are we dedicating our life for our final destination? Are we working hard for it? Does your family member have to die first in order to make you repent now? Death should be your motivation each day. You have to be willing to accept that all that you love will go including “YOU” that you love so much. We forget that we truly have an obsession for ourselves in Dunya and not what we want to make of ourselves in Akhirah. Give it up, let it go. Drop you ego. Prepare and embrace yourself. Life is not a fairy tale. Real life starts after death. May Allah grant my last wishes for my sister inshallah. I still remember clearly when me and Rich had a chat with Belinda and she broke down saying “I just want to live!” I had no words, I couldn’t reply. Me and Rich were surrounded by silence. This silence will stay in a spot in my heart forever permanently. Which truly I am not looking forward too. Again Redha isn’t the easiest of it all. This would be something new to my heart. Loosing my blood sister for the very first time. One of Allah Swt Beautiful Attribute to remind ourselves off : The All-Forgiving,  The Absolver,  The Veiler of Sins and Faults, The Most Protecting One

The One who accepts repentance and veils or forgives our faults and sins, time and time again. The One who sets us free from the guilt and shame of our own sins and faults, such that we may discover inner harmony and peace.

The One who protects us from the effects of our faults and sins, both in the present world and the future. The One who accepts repentance and sets aright our faults and sins.

The One who veils, forgives or transforms our faults and sins in such a manner that we may go on without guilt or shame. The One who can set aright, or transform, wrong deeds and change them into what become good deeds.

Much Love ,

NH

[survivorpanem]

EPISODE 3 - “GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD” - ISAAC

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Lmao so Dylan went unanimously and on the way out thought he was getting the tribe shook by shouting about the Genz alliance of myself, Ryan, Bernel, and Jake and how we were gonna start running the game. Like, people knew we were fucking together dude. Idk why he took this so personally tbh. "I never did anything wrong to you guys." Well I mean you pitted half the tribe against each other and gave us all heart attacks so. "Good luck winning the challenges." Good thing it merged huh! Also idk where he got off thinking he was the challenge god but oh well. He's gone now. Just some final thoughts.

So now we did indeed merge at 15 for I'm assuming the round. And the Genz alliance probably WILL be targeted. But Ryan and I talked. And we're ready to jump ship and vote one of the others out. Maybe Bernel. He seems like the easiest. I kinda wanna get out Liana but Isaac said he'd rather get out Bernel first. So idk. As long as it isn't me and a Genz person goes down so that the Genz alliance target can be taken off my back a bit more. And tbh Liana definitely took a hit with Dylan going, so I'm hoping we won't have to worry about her for at least a little while. Now it just comes down to touching base with some other people I haven't been with. And if the alliance is targeted, hopefully I can divert the target somewhere else.

Also fun to mention that Ryan said he'd rather take out Isaac or Allison next! Honestly, I'm pretty fine taking out Allison. But Isaac is a no. Although I guess that speaks to Ryan not really seeing Isaac and I together? Isaac and I are really trying to seem strategically distant for our own sakes. Because as soon as we're mentioned as a duo, people will come for us. I just don't wanna go home this early and I really wanna make some decisive moves. This one tribe vote is really gonna fuck someone up. I can tell.

Okay so when I saw liana in this cast, I was like um ok but then I started talking to her and I was like I actually like her so we formed an alliance. But the more I talk to her, the more she tells me. And I'm starting to realize she's is in  great position this game. She has an alliance with me Allison and Isaac. She is in a huge generations alliance with Andrew jakey ryan and bernel and maybe someone else but I don't remember. She's in an alliance with Jordan as Constance and some people I also don't remember. And she's in an alliance with some people from Transylvania. That's a lot of people. I don't know how I want to play this. She trusts me enough to tell me all of that information, but I don't know if I want to just let her stay safe or use that information to get her out. I'm really torn because I still want to target Constance too. I just know I love the alliance that I have with Jc and Zack and that's all that matters.

hieeeee. okay so i don't even know where i left off last confessional? jsdhg. BUT. me jc and samantha? started an alliance hi. and i trust them 99%. i still didn't tell anyone i have the idol, and i don't plan on it. but we made a google doc of the places we looked NNNN. samantha? spilt tea to me. she told me she doesn't like constance and wants her out.... BITCH ME 2!!!!!!!!!!! she also told me liana has an alliance with the transylvania but she also has an alliance with other people... basically liana is in the best spot in this game right now and pretty untouchable. did i call this from day 1? i sure did. am i tooting my own horn? I SURE AM. but.. i like liana? she's cool and she actually KINDA talks to me? constance on the other hand, can't stand her. she was a little baby about getting to do gather.. and.. she sucked at it NNNNN. basicially constance is mine and samanthas target right now and samantha told me that constance is samantha's target and contract to kill. not. on. MY. WATCH. and shoutout to liana for telling samantha that and telling samatha she's also aligned with constance and jordan LJSFDHG. dumb. allison, andrew, other sam and bernel tho.. i literally never even had a conversation with them? so... they can go whenever! i wouldn't be sad if any of them left. andrew seem's cool but he never talked to me in other games and he's not talking to me now so i just think he doesn't like me NNNN. but yeah i don't think i'm in the worse position right now??? watch me be voted out next after i just said this.

Surprise, the Genz Alliance is being targeted. I mean, we technically take up a 5th of the cast. Isaac said he's heard "whispers of Ryan," and obviously no one is going to tell me anything became they assume I'm with the other Genz people 100%. I mean, JC looked for an idol with me? That's about all the strategy I got from someone who isn't Isaac or in the alliance. So. Yikes.

I mean I said I would wanna flip it on Bernel or something or even Liana, but... Ryan is kinda digging his own grave. You could just tell things probably aren't fully smoothed over with him and Bernel. Plus you could just tell from the animosity in the chat between him and Liana that Liana does not trust him anymore because of what he leaked to Dylan. So tbh if he has to go, he has to go. Which is giving up an ally! But I mean, Isaac had to give up and ally in Dylan. The law of returns is a bitch.

So yeah, idk man. I'm really just trying to not be the target. Hopefully that can land on another Genz player, and if they go then hopefully people will see the alliance as not really a threat anymore. And I can just defect out that bitch. Idk if it'll be with Ryan. But like, it just has to happen.

this twist is scary, on Occidere, I was building the bonds. I was slowly making my way into an alliance. Although unofficially, I was working on building it with liana, zack, sam b and Jaiden. But it seems like every other tribal we will be put into the arena again. So I just need to lay low and be friendly during these moments.

~Later~

so I'm teaming up with Jaiden. It's crazy I know but I feel like if I'm aligned with him, he'd be the biggest target in the alliance. He'd be my meat shield.

Constance is the only one who talks to me and we are going to definitely try and stir some stuff up to see if we can open our options.

I need to write a confessional but I don't know what to say. I've been in such a fog the past 4 days that I barely know what's going on. My brain is not in this game right now and it's either the worst or best time to switch back to one world individual game. If it was tribes I might flop in a challenge then let them down and get voted out. But at the same time now there's so many people I have to talk to and I just don't feel up to talking to anyone right now which is so bad. I've been forcing myself to talk to at least one person each day but like I don't think it's really been doing much. I keep forgetting to answer them on accident so like we'll see what happens. I guess I'm flopping in the social aspect of this game. I didn't do the reward and I totally flopped in the immunity challenge. I set my alarm for AM when I was doing this at night so like fuck me hard right? So I'm flopping in the physical part of the game.

I also haven't been pulled into a single alliance yet which makes me nervous because I've heard of at least 3 of them so like I don't know. And I'm flopping at the strategic game, too. 

I guess I'm what you called a triple flop. Like the opposite of a triple threat... maybe that'll be enough for me to be a goat or something in the beginning.

Unfortunately, I wake up to hear my name is on the chopping tonight at Tribal Council this early into the game. I find that rather unfortunate but luckily I actually have a clear layout of the situation and how it was all created. Jaiden felt the need to have multiple conversations with others one on one in the hopes of bringing me up to get rid of me as a last resort I assume due to the fact that he thinks he has nothing to lose.

I confronted him about it calmly and told him if it was not him who created the issue (though, it was, because more then five people have said the same thing) then who was it? He explained to me it was RJ who brought it up which makes no sense at all in the slightest. Anyhow, continuing from there, i go to have a conversation with Jake in regards to how I feel Jaiden is trying to get the majority of the cast <- **CONTEXT CLUE, MAJORITY OF THE CAST** to get rid of me and then a few seconds later, I hear the same context clue from Jaiden and he said that "You are causing drama with the wrong person and are digging your grave deeper and deeper."

First off, don't threaten me. That's not the way I'm going to let anyone have me go down in and I will definitely not be intimidated by a fucking sloth who doesn't speak on a voice call. If I go home tonight best believe I won't go quiet.

I hope I have the votes to get rid of Jaiden tonight because he's an insignificant piece of shit and I hope he realizes he messed with the WRONG chicka from Arrakis.

So um I'm so confused. I legit am enjoying my quesadilla in lunch laughing with friends then i hear Jaiden is going for constance. Uh like what? I dont know what happened but i then am enjoying my ramen and come home to see a fight. CANT  I EAT MY DAMN RAMEN IN PEACE WITHOUT PEOPLE GOING FOR THE JUGULAR. Now my day of sinning has been ruined and I can't even sleep because my friends want to play minecraft. Jaiden im voting you for this dont fuck with my 3 favorite things. Eating Sleeping and Sinning.

I HATE ORGS!

The biggest twist of this season? I actually like Jaiden? Not that I've ever interacted with him but from what I've heard I was like okay I probably WON'T like this kid. But I actually really like him. So I heard that his name was on the chopping block... Andrew and Me: Let's try to save him! Find out who's framing him for saying Constance's name! #detectivequeens <3 Jaiden will not go home if we have anything to say about it! Jaiden: literally combusts in the arena chat... Andrew and Me: well that idea was fun while it lasted

idk whats going on! again... everyone is messy and of course jaiden and constance are at the center like the two messiest people you could put into a game. im not rly surprised. at least it puts a target on someone else! im basically just trying to be UTR as possible bc thats what seems to be working dsflgkhj

Not only did I get that Oasis, but I also got the chance to stir up a little hell in the game. The entire feud between JC and I? Fraudulent. We came up with the plan to cause more drama and make it evident that I was not to be trusted in the game. Although this entire move hurts my game severely in the long-term, I think that it shakes alliances up just a little bit. It made the game get "real" and now the oasis twist will be completely out of play for the rest of the season. I wanted to come into this lying low, staying out of the drama, but the paranoia always sets in super fast. I wanna make big moves at every tribal council but I don't always have the ability to do that. People don't trust me and that really sucks sometimes. I totally expect people to get PISSED about the oasis thing. No doubt in my mind that they'll flip their shit. They'll call it rigged, they'll call it unfair. But that's why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'll do some severe damage control after tribal council and try to make amends with Constance in particular, even though I can't stand her face. After taking a direct shot at Isaac, I won't bother with those that he's closest to, but I will work things out with Westeros Sam and Zack too. If I can just get numbers, I'll prolong the inevitable. If I go home next round, at least I did something...

~Later~

They really thot, huh? Thanks JC for these screenshots <3 

 Enjoy the chaos, bitches!

Wow. This game. So crazy.

OKAY HONESTLY THIS IS SO MESSY FUCK. First off Sam and Zack want Constance gone so I talk to Ryan and Liana about that but they don't see amused, soo I did some damage control like oh yeah I don't wanna do that though even though I'd be happy to because Constance makes no effort to speak to me. Anyway!! Then Constance finds out and starts shitting on Jaiden, but then Jaiden goes in the main chat and confronts Constance, and calls out RJ and mind you Jaiden switched targets between Isaac and Constance so much omg but Samantha Bussy was the one who started saying Constance because she's Constance's contract. Anyway, all this drama ensues and then I tell Jaiden let's have a fake fight, and we do so we pop off in the main chat and everyone else goes in there too also dragging Jaiden. And then a lot of people also go into my PMs talking shit about Jaiden and thank god I did this fake fight because people thought of splitting votes between Jaiden and whoever he's close to and I'm like YIKES.

OMG BUT THEN JAIDENS ASS GETS AN OASIS AND ESCAPES TRIBAL!!! SHOOK. And everyone's freaking out and eventually they say lets get Bernel and I'm like ew that's gross? But then Bernel hmu and said that RTP said I threw his name out there. BITCH??? Ryan asked me if I wanted Bernel and I didn't even reply!!! So I sent the receipt to Bernel and then jakey shows me receipts of the generations alliance where Liana threw my name out into the mix!!! And THEN I confront Ryan about it and he throws Liana under the bus which is good for me, so then I confront Liana and she tells me wonderful tea that ISAAC threw my name out there to her and she kinda just continued it. CUTE!!!

I'm honestly done with these bitches and truthfully, if I get blindsided tonight there most definitely will be a problem!! I'm coming for all your heads Isaac Liana and Ryan trust me!! I got the RECEEPS on all y'all asses. I'm thirsty for fucking blood.

Today was so fucking messy hahahaha. I'm sad because I think bernel is leaving, which I really liked him and wanted to work with him. I love Jc and Zack, those are my main people in this game. I really like Liana too even though I know she is working with everyone. I love Allison and Ryan and Isaac too. I liked Jaiden and I still do, he just plays too hard. It's hard to work with or trust him

This round has been complete and utter hell. Jaiden wanted me out for no reason and then got in trouble when he told some people to vote Constance as well. But some asshole bought Jaiden a "Get out of jail free" card. So now that snake is gone for the round and we have to choose between Bernel and Jc and honestly I don't want to talk to people anymore like this whole thing is exhausting. I'm emotionally drained and this is the third round with the 4th person being voted out. 

If I go tonight I would honestly like y'all to know that I realy appreciate this opportunity and thank you to each one of the hosts @Kaitlyn (please don't kill me) @Jennifer @Callista @Amirdevi for this season :) I've honestly been putting my all into every round and I'm sorry if I go out early.

If I leave to tonight I'll skin Isaac alive, KNOW THAT.

Since I'm like, exiled from the tribe I may as well catch up on some confessionals because I've definitely been slacking on that. To start things from the beginning of this cycle, I was pretty pressed that Dylan got voted out because he seemed like he would be a good goat for me to use to my advantage going forward. Unfortunately, he left so I didn't get the clue he would have brought upon me had I voted him out, as well. >:( JC immediately apologized and I guess there was some craziness that tribal council, and I suppose that was a good thing because Dylan was super weird in the beginning and way too analytical for my tastes. It would have been...an experience taking him to the very end like that. 

Afterwards, I kind of just stopped checking in with the game. Every once in a while, the group I know refer to as "the nerd herd" (Constance/Isaac/Allison/Jordan/Liana/etc) would continue to go on arena calls and Jake would bitch about it to me, and I would bitch about it to him, so that was a super fun bonding experience that we shared. I really trust Jake and I know he's pretty good in challenges, so I want to keep him on my side in case we end up going back into tribes.

Another thing! JC and Sam G are super cool and I really wanna make a final three deal with the two of them later on. Ideally, an alliance of me, JC, Sam B, Sam G, and Jake can come to fruition. I don't exactly trust anyone else as much as I do these people, but I would be willing to include Zack if we can overcome what happened this round. 

For once in Survivor, I'm really lucky to have been part of something as fun and exciting as the Oasis twist. Even though it definitely paints a HUGE target on my back as someone who receives twists from the sponsors, I know that it is in my best interests to avoid their help now at all costs. This could have been a really bad week if I didn't get the Oasis because a lot of my arguments stemmed from the possibility that I could be saved. After the points could be pooled to give me this reward, I knew that it was the only shot I had at being saved and I had to take it. I'm paranoid that this is going to screw up the game of someone I didn't want to see go, particularly my allies but also Bernel. I guess he's an easy out because he's so inactive, but why not vote out Constance and prove me right??? Lmao.

I feel bad because Andrew probably hates me now lmao

Mess. That is all.

No but actually I got home today and like fuck. *Inhales* Jaiden was targeting Constance and then Constance was targeting Jaiden and someone leaked that and Sam and I tried to be #detectivequeens because we didn't want Jaiden going and then I guess RJ was the one to bring up Constance but only because Jaiden was targeting Isaac and he wanted to divert the target for Isaac and something happened with JC so Jaiden blew up in the chat so Sam and I couldn't save him and he was gonna get voted out but then Jaiden got a sponsor advantage called the oasis and got to leave the chat. Fuck. So now I guess the vote is Bernel. Which, I'm honestly fine voting out a Genz person. I want that target off my back and gone forever.

So just some things to conclude from this round:

-Genz alliance is fucking dead -The alliance Dylan made is exposed -Isaac has a lot of connections especially if RJ did THAT to save him -Allison is now with Isaac, Liana, and I? -Jaiden g2g (sorry dood) -JC is untrustworthy -Liana lowkey might only really have Isaac and I (and RJ?) -But Liana might be forming an alliance that involves Constance -This game is mcfucked to tomorrow and back

So hopefully Bernel just goes like. I just want this round to be fucking over and done with because I am OVER! IT!!

SO today has been a fuckwad. First of all barely anyone took the challenge seriously...but I think people are afraid to make themselves targets. Whatever.

So it seemed like everything was fine and dandy and that everyone was gonna vote for Constance. And that was chill or whatever cause I dont know her that well. So I was spreading around that I heard her name came up for the vote and that it originated from Jaiden. I don't think that was true Its just what I said. Well eventually shit his the fan cause Jaiden heard that he was apparently the one targetting Constanct. So Jaiden does as Jaiden usually does and blows shit up and ruins his own game. So he proceeds to call out people in the main chat like RJ and JC. And admits his true target it Isaac....sis...come on. So then its like a unanimous vote on Jaiden cause he blew his fucking shit. Then the two fucking devils themselves, Duncan and Seamus, buy Jaiden the Oasis. So now he is gone and can't get voted out 3 hours before votes are due which is kinda bullshit. Whatever, so hopefully the vote will be Bernel. Idc that he is a Genz person cause I don't trust them all anyway and it just leaves Liana with less connections. Oh well....let's see how this goes.

Jaiden wtf. He is a straight up stupid ass rat bastard. I tried to trust his ass,  but the thing is he's too damn paranoid to keep cool and he blew it immediately. Are you serious?? He threw me straight under the bus. He's in a game of liars and he can't lie. He gives everything away. Now I'm building a contingency to vote his dumb ass out of this game. No doubt people will vote for him, because he's a loose cannon. Bye bye boi

~Later~

well damn that was a mess, and the crazy thing was, Jaiden was 100 percent truthful. Its just that he is crazy as hell. I got everyone to turn against him, but then the damn sponsors stepped in and took him out of the game. Now this isn’t even survivor anymore, its basically just big brother: Over The Top. Fuqq