#so i dont have to count out each individual song

[starswallowingsea]

my second song on wrapped was alta moda 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ living my truth (izumi sena enjoyer)

Its because alta moda is a banger. I think its on mine too somewhere from that like week straight i was listening to knights' trip album. Wonderful Happiness is definitely on there I did see that

[tio-trile]

OKAY SAME ANON sorry this is the third one,, but im going thru the rest of your asks and im realizing so many things.

I agree, a show SHOULD be able to stand on its own as an individual thing rather than counting on a sequel to continue its story. Now that I'm looking at the show in this lens, it is very lackluster. I still do quite love it, scratches that slice of life itch,, but mystery wise? No. I loved how ominous the "Everyday" song was. I thought it was supposed to foreshadow Armageddon (which it did, kind of) but more so it was for the Beel Gabriel reveal in the end. Aziraphale ran around looking for clues, but the annoying thing for me is he never puts it together? It was just something he does for US, the audience. It would've been good if he acknowledged all those clues in the ending, or realized it faster than us. In the end it seems so fruitless for him to investigate bc it never really did him any good? It was just for the audience to see. Also the Nina--Maggie subplot was cute, but it was also lacking? I like the point of "you cant force us together" bc theyre humans and its not that easy. But as a subplot it was waaay too ignored for it to be any relevant at all to the plot.

The thing about you mentioned abt A/C being supporting charas in the book, I agree. The good thing abt their dynamic is even with little clues and gestures we realize how good they are w/each other. The subtlety is what makes everything MORE interesting. But s2 makes it revolve around the ship, to the point where its all just filler. I dont mind filler,, but as you said, canon-compliant filler would be better. I appreciate that they're the main characters now since more screentime but I'd love it if they weren't ship-focused and still had proper interaction and dynamics with people outside of their circle (which I liked from the book + s1).

Anyways,, I still like it. But I appreciate seeing your takes since it really changed the way I view the show now. I feel more neutral about it now somewhat? I'm not invested in fandoms anymore bc of irl stuff so I don't think I would've spotted these things like you did so I really, really appreciate all your insights. Thank you. There's a lot of things to fix if s3 ever gets announced.

I think Neil mentioned that Terry brought up the "Everyday" song as a song about the Apocalypse (the book or S1), which could have been so good and ominous......instead it got used on this random Beelz x Gabe romance that came out of nowhere 😂😂 I thought the Nina x Maggie romance had potential in the beginning, but also completely fell flat/didn't go anywhere towards the end. Again, my takes are NOT trying to convince people who liked the show that they should change their opinions and NOT like the show anymore -- I'm just trying to explain why I personally didn't like it. Feel free to enjoy it as much as you can! Unfortunately I had way too much insights about it for it to be enjoyable for me 😂😂

[pixeljade]

Okay so i cant actually put this in tags bc its complicated.

I have a set of playlists i call my "fave" playlists, because it started with me just putting my faves in one playlist and calling it that. But eventually i developed a System. See, each Fave playlist has 37 tracks on it EXACTLY! and I make a new playlist every single month, which includes 10-15 songs from the previous playlist which WEREN'T in the playlist before THAT. Meaning no song can last more than two Fave playlists, and I have to come up with new music to stick into the Fave playlist each month out of my massive 250 GB collection of music (i store it all on my computer because i dont trust streaming). None of the songs i pick for these playlists can have a high play count (so i dont overplay something), and I always arrange them in the playlist in a way that "flows" from song to song when played in-order (including a loop).

Why do I do this? Well for one, it gets me constantly exposed to new music. Yeah sometimes i end up on a kick of one particular album for a while but it gets me appreciating the individual tracks more. But more importantly than THAT, it serves as a memory log for me kinda! See, i have bad memory issues because of years of trauma and substance abuse. But music helps me connect to specific time and place! And since these playlists are monthly, i can go in and listen to the playlist from a specific month, years ago even, and know exactly what i was going through back then!! Why 37 songs? Originally it was how many songs fit onscreen without scrolling on iTunes on my computer, but it turns out thats a damn good length which lets me have about 2-3 hours worth of music per list, and isnt too hard for me to come up with new songs to put on there.

Anyways i lost a bunch in a computer explosion a while back but i have about 48 playlists now, and yes i do have autism why do you ask?

[taeghi]

Huang Renjun and the MUGGLEBORN

– Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You have been sorted into the Ravenclaw House, congratulations! –

pairing ϟ  pureblood ravenclaw!renjun + muggleborn ravenclaw!y/n

-- word count ϟ i dont know, like 26,000

summary ϟ  pure blood ravenclaw!renjun and muggle born ravenclaw!y/n have always despised each other. the difference in their magical blood has separated them in terms of who is the more incredible wizard, though what happens when they put that fact aside and actually get to know each other?

-- includes ϟ  enemies to lovers, hate sex, awkward tension, choking kink, oral

tw!!!!!!!!!! insomnia lmao

taglist ϟ @oc-helps + @minthoodie + @sweetjaemss + @yo-dreamrush +@sunflowerhae + @t1huy + @ne0yong + @bababameme

song : everything i wanted by billie eilish

enrolled

you've always hated huang renjun.

you met him when you were two years old and decided then and there that he would be your life long enemy. the way he was so quiet yet cocky really pissed you off. the smug smirk he put on his face every time he looked at you through his circular glasses made his condescending thoughts about you crystal clear.

renjun was witty and smart, and he knew it.

he wasn't so patronizing with anyone else, solely you.

maybe it's because he's known you for sixteen years, because he knows exactly what annoys you, what you enjoy, and he knows all about your family blood line.

renjun's parents were both from pureblood ravenclaw families, dating back to generations ago. they were textbook ravenclaw's, making renjun one too.

your parents were born in the muggleworld, and stayed in the muggleworld all their lives. your father had the smallest hint of magic in his veins, allowing for you to take over his gene completely and become a witch yourself. your mother was just an ordinary muggle at heart.

renjun's and yours' parents met in college. his had just graduated from hogwarts, while yours moved into the city from some small village in the outskirts of the country.

renjun liked your parents, he thought they were sweet and caring, a little neglectful at times, but he knew that they loved all their children. renjun couldn't help but compare his bloodlines to yours. his were strong and consistent, as soon as he was born everyone knew that he was going to be deemed a powerful ravenclaw.

with yours, they never knew about the wizard world. your father had no idea that his great grandfather was a halfblood. therefore everyone was surprised when you started flying your toys around your room at a young age.

renjun's parents sat yours down and explained to them what was happening, of course they didn't really understand, but accepted you anyways. everyone, including yourself, was excited for your magic-filled future, except for renjun.

renjun liked to be different. he liked to show of his individuality, and you, his enemy, now also being a magical creature made his blood boil. of course he was only nine then, being jealous at things like this was acceptable, but this annoyance was always a little evident in him as the two of you grew up.

when you were eleven, both of you were accepted into hogwarts schooling of witchcraft and wizardry. renjun held a smile on his face when he was told the 'good news' of him not going to hogwarts alone this year, but inside he was dying a little. just when he thought he could get away from you, turns out he was now being forced to sit with you on the train ride there.

ever since you were younger, you were a bit on the shy side. like renjun, you were quiet, smart and enjoyed things that were different. you liked to be independent and held yourself on a higher platform compared to other people. you knew who you were and who you wanted to be.

you hated huang renjun, you were just more reserved about your hatred than he was about his own.

renjun liked to speak his mind, and spoke his mind he did when you were sorted into ravenclaw after him.

you will never be able to forget his little 4 foot 6, eleven year old self standing up at the ravenclaw table, his fist coming down on the table as he glared at you. his chest breathed in and out heavily as he stood there watching you smile as the sorting hat left your head.

"is there a problem mr huang?" headmaster dumbledoore asked from the front of the dining hall. every student had already been looking at renjun due to his outburst.

"how is she a ravenclaw? i'm sorry headmaster but there must be some mistake." he asked, pointing at you. you felt your shoulders curve inwards as you felt everyone looking at you again, renjun's questioning making you feel ashamed in the slightest bit.

"the sorting hat makes no mistakes mr huang, please, sit down now." dumbledore explained, smiling to you and gesturing you to the ravenclaw table. as you walked to the end of the table, you heard the rest of your new house whisper and look at you. your inner self grew combative at all their questionning whispers, but you sat down and composed yourself. infront of where you sat, renjun glared at you from across the table. you tried to rationalize his behaviours towards you, but you could only come up with the fact that renjun was jealous of you.

you tilted your head in an arrogant manner, a smirk of your own forming your lips as you stared at your childhood enemy before winking at him.

he huffed in response to your actions, turning his body away from the table to watch the rest of the sorting ceremony. you swore you could see steam rolling off of him because he was so angry.

at that moment, the whole school knew that you hated huang renjun, too.

throughout your years at hogwarts, renjun and you non-verbally officially created ways to avoid each other. if you had a class together, you would sit on opposite sides of the classroom. if you passed each other in the hallway, neither of you would even glance at each other. while in the ravenclaw common room, if one of you came in and saw the other there, you'd just leave the room completely.

your ways to avoid each other worked to a certain extent, but countless arguments or debates would occur at least twice a week in your shared classes. all of your professors were getting annoyed with your behaviours. thus, this lead the two of you a trip to see the headmaster on multiple occasions.

renjun annoyed you. he made you roll your eyes at his stupid comments in class. he spoke badly about you out loud to his friends when he knew you were there. he called your ideas stupid and idiotic.

you dealt with those actions fine, you could remain calm. but as soon as he mentioned how you were a muggleborn witch, you instantly felt your blood begin to boil.

you had snapped at him over two thousand times to not mention your family's bloodlines, but he just never could stop. renjun knew that that was the main thing that could get you so annoyed that your vision went full red.

the amount of times that you had stormed out of class because of him made you both on the brink of tears; you because of frustration and him because of laughter. so by the nearing end of year 7, you wanted nothing to do with huang renjun or his stupid friends.

renjun had composed a fair amount of friends at hogwarts. each of them were unique and had their own interests. they appeared like all very different people, though they liked each other and seemed to get along. lee jeno was a gryffindor that loved quidditch so much that he dreamed about it every night. na jaemin was a sleazy hufflepuff that drank too much muggle coffee. lee haechan was a descendent from a royal family that liked to party too much. lastly, ning yi zhuo, a ravenclaw girl who went by the nickname ningning and loved fashion.

renjun and ningning became friends in their early years at hogwarts. both of them came from a chinese wizard family and bonded over their shared language. when they were twelve they kissed.

but only because of spin the bottle.

ningning was realized then that she had a crush on renjun. even when he was still prepubescent twelve year old, she had to admit that he was cute. renjun tried to act indifferent after their kiss, but the days after it, he couldn't help but blush when they would accidentally brush their hands over each others.

as renjun and ningning grew older, their spin the bottle kiss delved farther into the backs of their minds, and their friendship grew closer. though, ningning would think about pushing her lips over his again every now and then.

you had gotten used to ningning's company over the years. since she was best friends with renjun, she was always invited over during the summer break. your family would join renjun's at their beach house, and ningning would always make an appearance. you watched how close ningning got with renjun's family, making them all laugh at her jokes. she was much more extraverted than you, so she was so easily liked.

sometimes, you caught yourself comparing yourself to ningning, wishing to be more like her personality and physically wise. but you always told yourself that being different was much better.

though yours and renjun's families were close, your parents never mentioned how you were diagnosed with insomnia when you turned sixteen. you had begged them to be careful and to not mention it, you didn't need to give renjun more fuel to annoy you with.

you've always had problems sleeping, even when you were a baby, but as your years at hogwarts increased, the number of nights you slept lessened. you'd feel tired throughout the day, and count the minutes until you would be able to go to sleep, but as soon as your head touched it's pillow, your tiredness would fade. it would leave you aggravated the next day, but it meant that you had more time to study at night since you couldn't sleep.

though during your final year at hogwarts, the insomnia had only gotten stranger. it used to be something you could ignore during your years 5 and 6. you could have short power naps throughout the nights so you explained to your worried parents that it really wasn't that bad. but now, in year 7, it was something you found often on your mind throughout the day.

you would have to fight to get up and out of bed in the morning to attend to your classes. when you were in your classes you barely paid any attention. the only people who she talks to are her parents on the monthly phone call and renjun when he tries to annoy you.

at night, a little part of you likes your insomnia. the idea of people the only one awake in the busy hogwarts castle when no one else is. the castle isn't really any quieter, but it's a different kind of noise that she's gotten used to in her 7 years at hogwarts. the castle is darker and chilly, especially in the early spring weather. plus, you prefer to be alone.

the night after the lee slytherin royal family celebrated lee haechan's graduation from hogwarts in a few months, you found yourself sitting up in your bed for what must've been the tenth time that night. you had no idea that on the other side of the ravenclaw dormitory, renjun woke up in a cold sweat for the first since he was younger. he stared up at his ceiling, his room being lit up from the moonlight the shined through the large, rectangular windows. his astronomy posters were hung around his dorm room.

renjun tries to calm himself down from his nightmare, not wanting to get more worked up from an involuntary succession of thoughts. he remembers how he use to have nightmares every single night when he was younger, dreaming of being chased by magical creatures he didn't even know existed yet. sometimes, he found that his nightmares would come true after a few days. like the time he dreamt his mother was being chased by someone and fell down large sets of stairs just for only a few days afterwards his mother would fall down their stairs at home while carrying laundry and sprained her wrist.

renjun remembered his parents becoming worried about their young son when his nightmares would cause him to sleepwalk. he'd wake up on the floor, or in their hallway, or even in the bathroom downstairs. no one's sure about why renjun has such and nightmares, but it started after his grandmother died. something from her passing had slithered it's way into his young mind. it felt dark that overtime made death feel less impersonal to him. there were some nights when renjun didn't remember what he dreamt of, and other nights where he couldn't help but think about it all day long after.

when he started at hogwarts, his parents were nervous about sending him off into a school where his nightmares might become worse and make him sleep walk into some trouble, but once renjun met ningning; his nightmares had stopped. peaceful dreams settled across his mind at night that put them all at ease.

so now, after partying with his friends for easter, renjun felt that dark feeling trying to slither it's way back into his mind. he instantly settled upon the thought to not tell his family or friends about it, he didn't want them to worry more about him, especially when they were so far away from him. it made renjun feel lonely like he did as a child again, to be the only one awake at this time at night with racing thoughts going through his head. at hogwarts, renjun put on a facade that he liked to be alone, but truly, he hated it.

astronomy class has always been your least favourite class at hogwarts. the fact that you were already tired from having no sleep and having to sit in a class that was so boring, made your insomnia escape your brain for once as you felt fatigue wash over you. professor sinistra was one of the nicest professors at hogwarts, but god, her class subject was boring.

you didn't even notice that you had actually fallen asleep on your textbook page that held the biography of nicolaus copernicus until professor sinistra slammed her hand on your table. you instantly jerked up in your sit, annoyed that you had been woken up, but embarrassed that you had fallen asleep in the first place.

"mrs y/l/n," sinistra sneered at you, her pretty face turned into an ugly frown, "you slept through the entire class." you looked around at the new empty classroom, you could hear the chatter from the hallways outside the door.

"oh, i'm sorry professor, i didn't get much sleep last night." you sat up straighter and explained to the astronomy teacher. a concerned expression was on sinistra's face now.

"get some better sleep tonight y/n." she loosened her tense shoulders.

"yes professor, i'm sorry professor." you apologized and gathered your things to head to your next class.

"but next time you fall asleep in my class there will be some consequences. do you understand?" her tone strict again.

"yes, professor. thank you." you smiled sincerely, and left her classroom. your fatigue now fell over you again as you thought of going to three more classes for the day.

"good job sleeping today y/n!" a voice said from beside you. you groaned at the recognition of it being renjun. his arms were crossed as he leaned against the castle wall outside of the classroom.

"oh shut up renjun, i'm not in the mood." you rolled your eyes, preparing to walk away.

"but y/n, do you know why you're so tired?" renjun stopped you, a certain tone in his voice now. you felt your body tense at his words, hoping he hasn't figured out about your sleeping disorder.

"why?"

"because of that muggle blood in you, of course only pureblood's can handle not getting the full nine hours of sleep that's recommended." renjun smirked at you. you huffed and fully turned to look at him. everything about him looked like how they usually did, neat and tidy and clean, expect for the small hint of dark bags under his eyes.

you titled your head to side as you examined them, "hm, well by the look of those bags i'd say even purebloods need to get some proper shut eye." renjun's smirk dropped at your words, giving you a final glare before turning to go further down the hallway away from you.

you knew that renjun took his studying and grades very seriously, so you figured that his physical lack of sleep symptom was caused to his almost obsessive studying habits. it had been years since you had thought about renjun's nightly nightmares, the thought of them never crossed your mind since you were eleven and ningning swooped renjun up under her wing.

you had always wondered how a certain person could cure such a thing, but stayed out of it because at least then renjun was getting some sleep.

the only time you had ever spoken to the pretty ravenclaw ningning was during summer breaks when you were practically forced to be around her. but even then, the two of you would rarely ever say anything to each other. she knew renjun hated you, which made her hate you too. ningning was more quiet about her hatred for you though. to be fair, she never really had a reason to hate you specifically, she thought you were very quiet, but nice.

during transfiguration class, the one and only class you shared with ningning in your final year, your tired eyes subconsciously chose to rest on her. her long, black hair fell over the back of her ravenclaw robe as she sat in front of you at the front of the class. you watched as her plush lips moved as she spoke with your classmates and laughed. you wish you had lips like hers, they'd suit your face more.

ningning caught you staring at her in the corner of her eye, causing her to turn around and look at your over her shoulder. when you didn't look away from her, still caught in your daydream of looking like someone else, she shook her head at you and mouthed the word "what?". you quickly looked away as you recognized the glare in her eyes as she looked at you with annoyance. you fidgeted with your fingers, trying to wash out the awkwardness that you felt within you now.

"don't worry about her, she's kinda a bitch." the wizard who sat beside you said. lee jeno shrugged at you, noticing the scene between you two. you chuckled lightly at his words, not sure what to say to one of renjun's best friends. "she doesn't like us hanging out with renjun either." jeno continued, noticing your shoulders still tense, his eyes widened with his words.

renjun was close with a certain group of 00' wizards- and ningning. you had noticed before that renjun was always either with the group, or ningning, never the two of them together.

"why's that?" you asked the gryffindor curiously.

jeno shrugged again, "says that we are a 'bad influence' on him." jeno made air quotations as she spoke. at first glance, you could see where ningning was coming from. all three boys that renjun was close with, did tend to have awful reputations around hogwarts.

"why does she get a say about who renjun does and doesn't get close with?" you asked further.

"she doesn't." jeno laughed, "renjun always comes to haechan's parties with us even though she get's super pissed about it." your eyebrows furrowed at jeno's words, struggling to understand why ningning felt the need to act this way towards renjun. "speaking of haechan's parties... there's one this friday if you want to come, it will be a lot smaller than his usual ones."

"nooo, i couldn't possibly go to one of haechan's parties." you shook your head, trying to not feel embarrassed by turning down such an exclusive offer.

"what? c'mon y/n, i haven't seen you at a party since year 6! you used to be so fun! there will only be a small amount of people coming! like a small get together!" jeno urged you, leaning over his desk to pout at you. you thought about how you used to party every weekend at hogwarts, whether it was at lee haechan's parties or other ravenclaws', you used to have so much fun before your insomnia developed.

"fine. but only this time!" you agreed, smiling when jeno's eye smile appeared on his face.

"great! i'll tell haechannie to make sure you get an access code!"

"perfect."

------------------

the day before haechan's supposed 'small' get together, a slytherin girl named tzuyu slipped you a small note that held the access code and location of the party. tzuyu winked at you briefly before skipping off down the hall, her long dark blue hair flowed behind her as she turned the corner.

you recognized the location as a small common room space that was not supposed to be used anymore, though you figured lee haechan's royal parents had somehow persuaded dumbledore to allow haechan access to it. you thought that not too many people would be able to fit in the common room so maybe jeno wasn't over exaggerating it too much to get you to come.

-

jeno was definitely over exaggerating.

you were surprised at the very large sea of students that were all lounging around the old common room. you instantly felt like did you not belong in the 'party scene' anymore and that you should just go back to your dorm where you would struggle to sleep all night.

"y/n! you made it!" jeno greeted you before you could make your escape. you smelt the faint scent of giggle water off of him and laughed to yourself as you could see how much he had drank on his face already. "let's get you a drink, yeah?"

"ok." you nodded, thinking that maybe giggle water would calm you. "where's your girlfriend?" you asked jeno, knowing that he was apparently madly in love with a slytherin witch in the year below you two.

jeno shrugged with a smile as he guided you through the students in the common room, "she's not really a... people person." your mouth formed an 'ah' form as you understood what he meant.

the drink table at the 'small get together' was filled enough for the whole school, including the professors, to get a drink. red solo cups were already scattered over the large table, and different kinds of drinks were present. you poured yourself a giggle water to match jeno and slowly sipped it as you watched jeno drink more of it himself.

"okay, lets go sit with the rest of them!" jeno smiled, tilting his head to the other side of the room.

"is... renjun there?" you asked cautiously, hating the idea of spending time with him and his friend group. jeno's large smile faded to a smile one as nodded.

"yeah... and ningning."

"oh god! i'm not going over there!" you scoffed, thinking that your fun for the night was already over as you felt the giggle water just started to digest into your system.

"nono! c'mon y/n! you can sit with me and shotaro!" jeno grabbed your shoulder, hoping that the mention of your years' nicest hufflepuff would let you stay. you had spoken to shotaro a couple of times during your time at hogwarts, he had only transferred to your school two years ago, right around the time your insomnia had developed. almost instantly, shotaro had become apart of the 00' wizard group, making it rare for you to speak to him. every time you got a chance to, he was always polite and didn't mention your purple eye bags.

"fine." you smiled softly, following after jeno through the lounging students again.

the 00' wizard friend group was sat on a couple of couches that were aligned in a square, a small table sat in the middle of them that held multiple red solo cups. the first person you noticed was renjun. his black hair was pushed back away from his face, making his forehead visible and his glasses were no where in sight. it definitely wasn't the first time that you had seen renjun without his glasses, but now was a reminder of how grown up he looked without them. directly beside renjun was ningning. her long black hair was pushed up into a ponytail that fell over her shoulder. she wore a tight black dress that allowed for the pale skin of her legs and shoulders to be shown.

"guys, y/n is gonna sit with us." jeno interrupted their chatter. haechan, shotaro, yangyang and yangyang's girlfriend; ryujin were all sat on the couches along with renjun and ningning. they all smiled welcomingly at you.

"uh no, she is not." renjun spoke with an annoyed tone.

"oh my god," haechan groaned, "not tonight renjun. just give it up for once okay? the hatred between you guys was funny when we were eleven, we're gradates in two months! just grow up!" haechan took a sip of his drink and moved over so you could sit between him and jeno. across from you shotaro smiled, he knew that besides jeno, he was the only one you were acquainted with. you noticed ningning stiffen as she watched you interact with them, leaning closer to renjun.

a silence washed over the group, though cheering from the other students and the music interfered with complete silence. you noticed that one of the usual 00' wizards weren't sitting in the group with them.

"is jaemin not coming tonight?" you asked curiously, knowing how close jaemin, renjun, haechan and jeno were. you felt jeno tense beside you, rolling his eyes at the mention of jaemin's name.

"we don't really hang out with jaemin anymore." haechan responded to you, glancing over at the now. annoyed jeno.

"oh." you nodded awkwardly. ryujin sensed how you were feeling and leaned across the coffee table to hold onto your knee briefly.

"it's a long story." she nodded with a gentle smile, "it''s better if we don't go into it." she spoke and leaned back into yangyang's arm. "but we were just going to play truth or dare!" the atmosphere in the group lightened up at the mention of the game. you could still feel renjun's sulking in the corner.

"yeah! wanna play y/n?" shotaro asked you with a bright smile.

"uh sure, but i haven't played in a while." you agreed.

"oh! well since it's your first time playing in a while, why don't we explain to you how we play?" ningning asked you, her pretty plush lips were formed into a smirk. renjun raised an eyebrow at his best friends idea, surprised at her tone when she suggested it.

"mm, not today ning, last time i was still affected by it the next morning, and trust me, snape does not like it when you say his robe makes him look pretty." haechan joked, making the rest of the group laugh.

"oh come on chan, ever since you got a proper girlfriend you've been just as boring as jeno!" ningning urged, making haechan and jeno glance at one another again with a look of confusion.

"yeah i'm with ningning, why can't we have a little fun with y/n tonight?" yangyang asked with a shrug.

"i'll play." you stated, wanting to see just what ningning was up to.

"great!" ningning sat up from her spot on the couch, "we play like usual truth or dare, but we have a little magic in it!" ningning pulled out a small potion bottle. you recognized the substance in the bottle as veritaserum, it's green colour instantly identifiable. "we take a sip of this potion to make the truth part of the game a little more fun. and if you refuse to do a dare, you must drink!" veritaserum was the most powerful turn serum in the wizarding world, it's duration of how long it would affect you was different for every brew and only powerful beings could create a safe potion.

"fun." you smiled, masking your slight fear of being too overly affected by it. ningning smirked at your final agreement and popped open the cork of the potion bottle and took the first sip. she passed the bottle to renjun who took a sip, and then it was passed from person to person in the little group you were on, you watched each of them take a sip before it came to you. you swirled the potion around as you looked down in the bottle, the potion sparkled back at you.

"you really don't have to drink it if you don't want to." shotaro reassured you. you smiled at him before taking a sip. the potion tingled in your mouth and its way down your throat. you passed the potion to haechan, the final person, and winked at ningning who sat in the corner after haechan.

haechan passed the potion to its owner and she smiled, "great. now let's begin. who wants to start?" ningning asked, looking around your group.

"i will." haechan volunteered.

"truth or dare, haechan?" ningning asked him.

"dare."

ningning sat back but kept her eyes on the royal slytherin as she thought.

"hm," she thought, her dainty finger tapping on her jaw, "i dare you to go kiss any slytherin witch in this room." the group was filled with groans and gasps at her dare.

"c'mon ningning, you know he won't do that." jeno rolled his eyes.

"and why not? it's not like he didn't do it before." ningning responded. you saw ryujin look at yangyang with confused eyes before looking at haechan.

haechan looked quite guilty as you looked to your left at him, it was the first time you ever saw him look this way.

"yeah but that was when he was with jennie." yangyang defended haechan.

"so he can cheat on one girlfriend but not the other?" ningning asked with a sick smile.

"no! it- it wasn't like that!" haechan interrupted them now, "it's whatever i'm not doing it so i'll just drink." he sat up and took a large sip of his giggle water before sitting back again. you saw renjun give ningning a confused look before he caught your eyes and glared at you again. "who wants to go next?"

"i will!" ryujin smiled, her short black hair swished as she moved away from her boyfriend.

"truth or dare?" haechan asked her lazily. it was obvious that haechan was annoyed by ningning.

"truth!"

haechan tilted his head with a grin on his face, "is yangyang the most attractive wizard in his friend group?" yangyang narrowed his eyes at haechan before looking at her.

"yes." ryujin replied quickly, a smile on her face as she turned to her boyfriend.

"awww!" yangyang teased her, bringing her in for a hug, kissing her face all over. haechan rolled his eyes, ryujin did not give him the answer that he wanted.

a few turns went around the group until it was your turn.

"truth or dare, y/n?" ningning asked you, leaning her elbows on her knees. you gulped quietly, nervous that everyone was looking at you with anticipation.

"dare." ningning smirked at your answer.

"i dare you to..." ningning thought, "kiss the hottest boy in the group." you raised an eyebrow at ningning, wondering what she was thinking with this question. all of the wizards except for shotaro and renjun were in a relationship in the group. you felt your body start to stand up, but you couldn't control it.

you sat atop shotaro's lap suddenly, you felt his body tense and his cheeks instantly blushed at your action. you felt everyone's eyes on you as you leaned closer to the hufflepuff boy.

"is this ok?" you whispered to shotaro, he nodded in response with a shy smile before you leaned in closer to his face. your lips met his gently at first, wanting to test how far he wanted to go first. his hands met your waist as he pulled you closer to him. you heard small gasps from the group, not believing what they were seeing. you peeked your eyes open and glanced over at renjun. his arms were crossed as he watched you sit on one of his close friends lap. his eyes were glued to where you and shotaro's bottom halves met. his glance travelled up your body, over your neck and widened when he saw you looking at him. his usual annoyed expression covered his face once he realized your eye contact.

you pulled away from shotaro, a smile on both of your faces as you sat back down in between haechan and jeno. both boys were on the verge of laughing their asses off from the scene they just witnessed.

"ningning's turn." you declared, looking over at your fellow ravenclaw witch.

"truth." you smirked at her response just like she did to yours.

"is it true that you want renjun all to yourself?"

the group went silent at your question. you noticed that all of them were giving each other a certain look that let you know you weren't the only one thinking it.

"what the fuck are you talking about, y/n? of course it's not like that! renjun and i are just best friends." ning ning explained with a look of anger and embrassement.

you glanced at renjun beside her, noticing how he didn't make eye contact with anyone, choosing to pay attention to the giggle water in his cup.

"if that's what you say ningning." you replied, sitting back into the couch with a smug expression. you knew that you obviously hit a certain spot in ningning by her response. the group of you still all sat in an awkward silence for a moment.

"ugh! see! this is why y/n shouldn't be around us! she makes it so uncomfortable!" ningning excalimed, pointing at you. "i'm so tired of you y/n and i don't even know you!" renjun looked between you and ningning, shocked at ningning's statement, but still held his notorious smirk on his face as he watched you become embarrassed at his best friends outburst. "i'm done for tonight, i'll see you all in class." ningning got up and left, patting renjun's thigh beforehand.

"are you gonna go after her junnie? or stay here with us?" jeno asked him, figuring that he knew the answer.

"i'll stay here, i wanna see who else y/n can annoy." renjun replied, surprising everyone with his answer. renjun smirked at you from across the couch, taking a sip of his drink as he watched you sink further into the couch. "you know, it's proven that muggleborns tend to be more irritating than other types."

"renjun." ryujin warned him sternly, surprising you that she stood up for you.

"what? it's just a fact."

"it's a false fact, so sit back and let us enjoy the rest of haechan's get-to-gether." renjun's mouth shut at ryujin's statement. she still sat in yangyang's arms, a gentle smile on her face as she looked at you, hoping that you still felt welcomed in their close-knit friend group. you were thankful for ryujin and the others, they distracted you from the glare renjun gave you for the rest of the night.

it had been over a week since you had gotten more than four hours of sleep straight. your days consisted of forcing your eyes to stay open during class, picking at your food to get some energy for the day, and then studying or reading all night due to the lack of need for sleep suddenly.

your astronomy class seemed to go by slower today as your eye lids started to feel heavier by the minute that passed. you only felt awake when your heard professor sinistra mention the word 'test'. you had studied for every subject this semester besides your astronomy one, thinking that you wouldn't' have a test for a while still. you mentally groaned at the thought. the coursework that you've handed in to sinistra haven't been good at all, your grades showed that.

"huang, y/l/n." sinistral called upon you two, "could you both stay after class for a minute today?" renjun and you glared at one another before smiling and nodding to your professor. you felt your self fidget as you waited five minutes until your class was dismissed for the day. you stayed sitting in your seat as sinistra walked to stand in-between you and renjun's tables.

"so, i know that the two of you don't get along." she started, the two of you rolling your eyes, feeling as if 'don't get along' was an understatement. "i was thinking, that since y/n could use a little help this unit, and renjun is the best in the class, maybe you could study together!" you always thought sinistra was the purest professor, but at this moment you couldn't help but mentally call her a down right bitch.

"no. way." renjun spoke your thoughts, sitting back in his chair as the idea of him studying with you. sinistra frowned and looked at you withhopefullness, but to only frown again when she saw you shake your head.

"but why not? you two need to get along at some point, and it could beneficial for both of you if you studied together!" sinistra tried to persuade the both of you.

"how would teaching her about astronomy be beneficial for me?" renjun asked with disgust in his tone.

"because renjun, i would put it on your student transcript that you were a full time tutor in my class for the year." sisnitra made a deal with him. the thought perked renjun's ears up a little as his goal after graduating is to become an astronomer. "and for y/n, your grade would increase a lot which will help your overall average!" renjun and you made a quick glance at each other, hatred still in your eyes, but both of you knew that you couldn't turn down an opportunity like this.

"fine." both of you spoke, a smile growing on sinsitra's face.

"good. i expect to see you two together every tuesday and thursday in the library studying."

"tuesday and thursday?!" you two spoke at the same time again.

"isn't once a week enough?" renjun asked.

"does it have to be in the library in front of everyone?" you asked.

sinistra simply chuckled at the two of you, "yes and yes." renjun and you sat back in your chairs again, feeling the disbelief setting in. "now enjoy! because good things will come out of this!"

"as if." both of you mumbled together, glaring at each other. sinistra grinned, clasping her hands together and walked back to her desk, excited for the plan she just created.

the first time renjun and you had to attend your astronomy studying session- it was a shit show.

it started with you questioning him about why he insisted an answer was right when he gave no further details as to why it was right.

"why do you always have to interrogate me when i give you an answer?" renjun shouted in the library, causing the other studying students to look in your direction.

"because i don't know where you're getting these answers from! you could be making them up for all i know!" you yelled back at him in frustration.

within ten minutes into studying, both of you stormed out of the library with rage flowing through your blood.

-

the second time, a week later after complaining to professor sinistra about it, renjun and you sat in the back of the library, so if you two did end up fighting, at least it wouldn't be in front of everyone.

the two of you managed to gover one concept from the first unit before insulting each other and studying in silence for the rest of the hour and then leaving quietly in opposite directions.

you spoke to professor sinsitra about it again immediately, explaining to her that it just wouldn't work out.

sinstra sighed, "why can't both of you get along, y/n, its for your education as a witch."

"because he's- he's- ugh." you tried to explain to your professor, "he just doesn't like me! i try to be nice but he gets so angry with me." sinistra put her hand on your shoulder, taking your attention away from the floor of the classroom.

"i'm aware that renjun and you have known each other for a long time, has there been a time that you've tried to explain yourself to him?"

you thought about it for a moment before shaking your head, "no, we always just go straight into fighting when we're together."

"i see." sinistra thought out loud, "how about next study session you try to communicate with him about your dislikeness of each other and tension you have together."

you nodded at her words, "i'll try professor- but no promises."

-

your stress levels were increasing as your sleeping hours were decreasing. you had thought about how to talk to renjun all week, but always came up with nothing by the time you were mentally fatigued. when your now weekly astronomy study lesson with renjun came, you were nervous. you had never been nervous to be with renjun before now.

you got to the library earlier than him, skipping lunch and wanting some extra time to try to figure out how you could talk to him. you sat in your now usual spot in the back of the library, under a large sky window that gave you more light.

when the pureblood sat beside you at the circle table, you were shocked at how tired he looked himself. you figured it was because he was studying himself to death the night before.

"hi." you spoke quietly, your fingers playing with your writing quill.

renjun quirked an eyebrow at you as he pulled out his astronomy textbook, "hi?" you already felt the usual hatred filled tension growing around the two of you, smothering you again.

"can we talk?" you blurted out quickly- so suddenly that it startled him, his head jerking up to look at you. "s-sorry, can we talk about- this?" you asked quietly, gesturing between your bodies.

"what do you mean?" renjun asked cautiously, turning to look at you completely. his eyes scanned your body, noticing one of your thigh high socks had slid down your leg, allowing him to see the soft flesh of your thigh. it reminded him of when you sat on shotaro's thigh, grinding against his lap in the short dress he never thought he'd seen you in.

"i mean, the whole "enemy" thing we have going on. i'm tired of it. and i don't like it."

your words made him snap out of his thought and renjun smirked as your fingers gestured around the word "enemy", "what don't you like?"

"the tension... that we have." you bit your lip as you struggled to explain yourself. renjun stared at your lips that he's sworn so many times he hated. he hated the way your lips always had a better insult than his, how they always managed to piss him off, how they ended up on shotaro's before they did his. renjun's last thought surprised himself. he's been aware that he hasn't been able to stop thinking about shotaro and you, and how he imagined that it was really him under you, just so he could shut you up for once.

"how about we just relieve some of this tension between us then, huh?"

"wha-?" you were cut off by renjun's pressing his lips against your own. it took a second for you to clue in what was happening, buty you backed away from his lips in shock. "what are you doing, renjun?"

renjun half smirked at you, his lips now slightly red from kissing you. "what i just said, relieving some tension." renjun's voice was in a deep tone that you've never heard before. it sent shivers down your back at the low octave he spoke at. "do you not wanna kiss me y/n?"

"i- i don't know." you replied, your eyes suddenly not being able to pull away from renjun's pouted lips and the dark lust that was growing in his pupils.

"let me kiss you, y/n. just one more time." renjun said, putting his head closer to yours again. you didn't say anything, but brought your lips to your enemy's. this time renjun was shocked, but he didn't pull away form you.

the two of you sat in the back of the library, away from everyone else, and your lips were pulled together. neither one of you pulled away as you were both sucked into the other's presence. renjun's lips made you feel like they were made for you. they made butterflies grow in your stomach.

you were so addicted to renjun now that you didn't stop him when he started to play with the hem of your blue, plaid skirt. his warm fingers traced your upper thigh that was bare to anyone to see. it reminded renjun of the night you made out with shotaro in front of everyone. the way you didn't care if anyone saw you turned him on so much.

both of you didn't notice how messy your appearances were getting with the both of you basically petting each other now. renjun's hand gripped it's way into your hair, forcing you to kiss him longer. while his other hand was now tracing the wet spot that was the slit of your panties.

"fuck, jun." you whimpered out as his index finger glided over your clit.

"do you want to relieve more tension, y/n?" renjun whispered into your ear, a cocky smirk on his face. you could only nod as you peered into his eyes through his circular glasses.

suddenly, renjun's hand that was in your hair made it way onto your throat, squeezing it tightly, "use your words y/n. or are you just a muggle that gets so easily flustered by the simplest thing like kissing?"

"yes, jun, i wanna relieve more tension." you whimpered out, your voice quiet as his grip on your throat made it hard for you to talk.

renjun kissed the the corner of your lips at your answer, pleased with it. his hand left your throat, and moved down to your panties that were under your skirt. he was shocked with the amount of wetness your panties held now.

"hm, don't tell me you like being choked y/n." renjun teased you, his fingers dipping into your panties as he watched a blush cross your lips. his fingers traced over your clit freely now without the fabric of your panties in the way. he watched the way you bit your lip to be quiet, your eyes scanned the library. "don't worry, no one's gonna see us, there are all eating lunch now right? just be quiet like a good girl."

"fuck." you whimpered out, listening to renjun's words and allowing for yourself to be touched by your enemy.

his index and middle finger sunk into your tight, wet hole. brushing against your g spot automatically at a slow pace. his breath was in your ear as he moved closer to you in his chair, blocking the actions that were happening under your skirt more, just in case someone did come by.

quiet whimpers left your mouth, not wanting to be caught, but wanting renjun to know he was already making you feel good.

renjun made sudden taps on your clit with his hand, making your jump up slightly in your chair form the contact. renjun chuckled at your reaction.

"it's cute how sensitive you are y/n." renjun whispered lowly in your ear.

"shut up." you cursed at him, your grabbed his hand and pushed them down to your hole, wanting to reach your high already.

"god you have no manners." renjun laughed, but slid his fingers back into your dripping hole.

as his fingers started to pound into your a face pace, both of you could feel your juices dripping down and onto the chair beneath you and his wrist. renjun was so turned on by how wet you had gotten from him.

when renjun started to scissor his two fingers inside of your pssy you knew it was over for you.

your hand gripped the table roughly as your orgasm approached at a fast speed.

"fuck renjun, just like that." you whispered to him.

"yeah you gonna come on my fingers y/n?" he teased you more, his pace not slowing down as he wanted to see how pretty you'd look as you reached your high. his thumb started to circle your clit at the same time, pushing you finally over the edge.

"f-fuck my gods." you groaned out, leaning in towards renjun as his fingers became more wet with your cum.

still sensitive, renjun pulled out his fingers from your dripping hole and put them inside his mouth. his eyes rolled back at your taste as his tongue circled his own fingers, not leaving a drop of you behind.

you whimpered at his actions, embarrassed slightly. "you taste so good y/n. it's a shame i couldn't taste from the real thing." renjun fake pouted, leaning in and kissing you, making you taste yourself as well.

with you still struggling to catch your breath from reaching your high and kissing renjun without a break, renjun started to pack up his things.

"what are you doing?" you asked him as you were slumped back into the library chair.

"i have a spare, so i wanna go back and try to sleep before dinner." renjun shrugged, "plus i don't think i can study after what we just did."

you sat back still and watched him sling his backpack over his shoulder.

"i'll see you later, y/n." renjun winked at your speechless, and left the library quickly before lunch ended, not wanting others to see his hard on.

"fuck." you whispered to yourself, "what the hell did i just do?"

----------------

you made sure to avoid renjun at all costs for the next week. even hoping that he would cancel your week's astronomy study. you didn't dare cancel it yourself, knowing that he would most likely make fun of you for being so shy around him now. but you couldn't help it! the incident that happened between the two of you last week had to be some sort of weird accident. you were tired! and he- he's renjun! he was probably just fooling around with you so he could get some leverage on you!

but only, renjun was thinking the same thing of you. he'd much rather have the 'enemy hatred' tension you two had before than this uncomfortable oh-my-god-i-know-the-way-you-taste tension. he couldn't even sit at the ravenclaw table to eat his meals. he would shove his way to sit in between haechan and yangyang at the slytherin table.

"what the fuck is wrong with you, mate?" yangyang asked, chewing sloppily on his sandwich as he scooted over to make room for the nervous renjun.

"nothing." renjun stated, hunching over his lunch.

"well why are you sitting here then?" haechan asked him, cringing at the way yangyang was eating.

"what? i can't sit with my friends?" renjun replied sheepishly.

"you can, it's just, you normally don't want to." haechan stated.

"well today i want to."

"i see," haechan nodded, "this doesn't have anything to do with y/n does it?"

"of course not!" renjun replied immediately, tensing at the mention of your name.

"merlin's beard." yangyang muffled before swallowing, "you don't have to be so loud and rude about it. we've all noticed how weird it's been with you and her recently."

"what the fuck does that mean?"

"he means that instead of the two of you bickering all the time, you avoid each other like the plague and don't even look at each other." haechan explains for yangyang. "did something happen?" haechan asked when renjun didn't answer.

"gods! nothing happened!" renjun groaned, although internally he was screaming 'yes i fucking fingered her!', "now i remember why i never want to sit with you guys." renjun grumbled, standing up and leaving the slytherin table, his food remaining on the table.

"where're you going now?" yangyang called out to him.

"to bed!" renjun replied, knowing damn well that once he put his head on his pillow his mind would start to play those awful visions on him again. but if it meant that it would get rid of the thoughts of your tiny whimpers in his ear as he felt your tight walls, then he didn't mind.

---------------

when the day came of yours and renjun's study day, you felt sick to your stomach.

you had no idea what had came over you the last time you had properly looked at the wizard- the wizard that you apparently hated with your entire magical being.

just like the week before, you got to the library early to hoepfully gain some composure for when the renjun would come. you hoped that he wouldn't show up, that he got sick and wouldn't be able to teach you astronomy today. but a small part of you hoped that he would come, and you would talk about the event that occured between you two. you hoped that he would tell you that it was all okay.

your body felt so tired, and that your eyes could close at any second, but your mind kept you fully awake with the anxiety that was taking over your tiredness.

"hey." renjun's voice made you jump suddenly as he appeared beside you.

you looked up at him as he stood beside you in your usual chair. his ravenclaw uniform looked wrinkled and his hair was pulled in every other way possible.

"are you okay?" you asked him, concerned with his unusual appearance.

"yeah, i'm fine." renjun shrugged, and pulled out the chair beside you to sit in. "ready for astronomy?"

"yeah... i guess." you replied quietly, feeling the awkward tension form around the two of you.

you both started pulling out your school supplies in order to study together, not a word was shared between you two. you were starting to think that the angry hate tension was more preferable then the tension you had now. you couldn't even look at eachother.

you went to pick up your pencil that was close to renjun, brushing your finger against his hand on accident as he went to grab the same pencil. immediately you drew your hand back in a quick jerk motion. "sorry!" you exclaimed, holding your finger as if it was on fire.

"i-it's okay." renjun replied, trying to sound cool but inside he was dying, he felt the tension just as much as you were and wish it would just dissipate into air so he could try to teach you something about fucking stars.

"look. renjun about the thing last week i-" you started, finding some confidence deep inside you.

"-let's just not talk about it!" renjun spoke quickly, "i mean, it was a one time thing right?" you felt your heart tighten at his words, them somehow not being the answer you wanted to hear from him.

"yeah, obviously."

"right, it didn't mean anything," renjun smiled at you, a smile that hurt you more than his glare. "we both still hate eachother, yeah?"

you forced yourself to smile back at him, a smile that he could most likely tell was fake but chose not to say anything. "of course, we're enemies."

"yeah, haha, enemies." renjun copied you, his quill shaking between his fingers. the beat of silence went through you again. "do you mind if we not study today? i'm just really tired today, didn't get much sleep last night."

"yeah sure, it won't do any harm if we skip one day." you replied, your heart tightening more as the interaction with renjun went farther and farther than how you dreamed it would.

"great! i'll see you class!" renjun smiled a fake smile that was so similar to yours. he packed his things quickly in order to leave the library. "and y/n," he stopped before leaving, "make sure you get some sleep tonight, you look like shit." renjun smile at you, beforing leaving with a quick pace in his step, you watched his black hair close the door behind him. though you sat in silence, the rest of the library was still packed with chatter from the other studying students and professors. it made you feel alone though you physically weren't. you hated this feeling, but still found comfort within yourself.

you only needed yourself. no stupid renjun that made you feel butterflies in yoru stomach when he whispered dirty things in your ear and made you feel like you were the prettiest thing he's ever seen. you repeated this over and over again, trying to reassure yourself that you were okay, but still, the thought of the pureblood ravenclaw danced in your mind.

------------------

now at this time of night, you make your way down to the library, where librarian leaves you a spare key hidden in the portrait beside the large door. the castle hallways are basically deserted, the students who stay up late to cause trouble have even gone to bed to get enough sleep for their classes tomorrow. since the library is completely empty, this lets you take your time, finding the perfect spot in the library to sit and read. you walked through the aisles of old books, some of them so dusty that it's obvious they haven't' been touched in years. the books distract you from how really tired you are.

renjun, on the other hand, welcomes the opened library door as a sense of company. he wonders who would be in the library at this time of night. he notices that no lights are on in the library, the room only filled with moonlight through the large windows of the ceiling. there's no people directly in sight from his spot at the door, but he doesn't care about that. this seems familiar to him and real, and sometimes when renjun wakes up from one of his nightmares, he can't what what is real and what is just a facade.

you continue to scan the books that are on the shelves, trying to decide which one you want to read tonight. it's become almost a routine for you, pick a book to read, find the comfiest seat in the library and then camp out there until librarian comes in the morning and tells you to head to breakfast now. as usual, you allow for your mind to wander. simply choosing a book read for the night fades not wondering where your brother is in the muggleworld, how many shifts your parents had to pick up this week in order to pay for the bills. you're so deep in thought you don't notice when the nightmare filled wizard is standing next to you in the fiction book aisle.

"golding?"

renjun's eye bags match your own tonight. his usual black, neat hair is messy and lazily pushed back and tucked safely behind his heads. he's wearing his ravenclaw sweatshirt that they all get given in the beginning of every other year. you think to yourself that you must look similar to one another now, besides the ravenclaw clothing. you're both tired and a little disoriented. renjun smiles gently at you, waiting for you to answer his question. his smile is his usual know-it-all-smile, but its extremely dulled down by his lack of energy. his expression makes you anxiousness in a way that you've never known before, it's a comfortable anxiousness that almost feels nice but you know deep down its not. you haven't seen renjun in a few days, you decided to keep your down more, and eat your meals alone in the courtyard since the weather is warming up now.

it's the first time you've spoken to him since your mutual agreement that you'd still be enemies, and the thing that happened in the library two weeks meant zlich to both of you.

so, it takes you a minute to process what he's asking you about, before he points to the book you held tightly in your hand. you'd forgotten for a second that that was why you were standing in the book aisle. you knew that this book was your dad's favourite when he was in high school. so when you found the worn out copy of the lord of the flies on the shelf you knew you'd be feeling a melancholic happiness tonight.

"y-yeah, lord of the flies. have you read it before?"

"kind of, i know my parents have read it before and they've explained to me what happens. i think the whole lose your innocence trope is a little overplayed."

"well i mean, you can't choose when to lose your innocence, though it happens to everyone at different times. i think goulding did an excellent job writing about it within the children."

"sure, there's savergry in everyone, but i don't think savagery represents the loss of innocence." you quirked an eyebrow at his answer, a slow smirk found it's way onto your lips.

"what other books have you read?" you asked him. renjun grinned before telling you the long list of them all.

------------------

the hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry has never had a peaceful night in it's existence. when majority of the students have gone back to their dormitories, the hallways are still chaotic. you have become comfortable with the racket of the night. your house is usually empty when you are home. your parents are always working, and your older brother hasn't been home since he left for college three years ago. the castle is so crazy that it doesn't leave much room for you to think, which is exactly what you need sometimes.

renjun has started sitting in the library with you a few times a week at night, after he's woken up from one of his awful nightmares. by now, he knows about your insomnia, but he doesn't bring up during class or when he's with you. he doesn't dare mention the nightmares he's been having, only shrugging you off when you ask why he's awake at such an hour. sometimes, renjun would feel so comfortable that he would fall asleep in an awkward position for a few minutes.

when the two of you sit in silence, with the ghosts of the castle roaming around the bookshelves behind you, it feels sort of comfortable, like it's normal to not be sleeping so late at night. the two of you sit lazily back in some chairs, you would be reading a book, and renjun would be studying astronomy. you are wearing your grandfathers ravenclaw sweater. it's old and basically rotting away on your body, but renjun thinks that it somehow suits you so nicely. your hair is messy from your hands constantly running through it in stress.

renjun keeps taking small peeks at you, each time he would notice something different about you. like the little freckles that went down your neck, the constant rosy hue to your cheeks and your subtly chapped lips that showed you were stressed.

renjun thinks to himself that he could get use to moments like this. after thrashing around in his bed for an hour of having terrors, sitting with you could make the rest of his night bearable.

over time, the two of you have just anticipated seeing each other at night, softly smiling at each other when you met in the library. it caused a feeling that neither of you have felt before.

it felt like trust. and trust was something neither of you have ever been good at, although you never talk about it.

you get it from your parents, who hid things from you during your childhood in order to 'protect' you and your brother. things like the low income your parents were actually making, and where they went to at night when your brother would have to tuck you in. you miss your brother dearly, but you still get birthday cards in the mail every year from him. knowing that he's not dead makes you feel a little better at night when you can't stop thinking.

"do you know what you wanna do after hogwarts?" renjun asked you one night, breaking the welcomed silence between you two. you rest your book on your lap and shrug.

"i don't know really, my parents both went to college and hated it."

"i know i want to study astronomy, but i'm not sure if i really want to become an astronomer."

"why not? you love astronomy, why wouldn't you want to do it as a career?"

renjun shrugs now, "i don't want to ruin a beloved interest of mine with work related stress."

"i see," you nodded, "are you sure it's not because you don't want to disappoint your father?"

"wh- why would it have anything to do with my father?" renjun's tone suddenly got tense. renjun has always tried to live up to his father's standards as a son and as a strong ravenclaw. he had a lot to live up to since he came from a pureblood ravenclaw family. it was suspected of him to do great things, his father made sure to remind him every time he got a chance. some of his nightmares did include his father, and what would happen to him if he disappointed his father.

"because you talk about him in your sleep a lot."

renjun takes a deep breath at your words. "i just want to impress him. i'm tired of always feeling like i'm on the edge of disappointing him and the rest of my family. i want to be great for them."

"studying astronomy will be great."

"but studying astronomy will only make you an average person, not a great person like everyone expects me to be."

"well i know lots of witches that think astronomers are hot." renjun held back a smile from your statement.

"sure you do." renjun rolled his eyes, "i don't need to be an astronomer to get girls y/n."

"so i've heard. the 00' wizards really get around in this place."

"what? don't tell me you have never thought about getting with this." renjun gestured down his body.

"hm. actually you're not my favourite 00' wizards. but jaemin, yeah, he's hot." you grin, waiting for him to look over at you before you start laughing.

"oh god, don't mention that douchebag, he's must've gotten with every witch in this place, i'm surprised he hasn't tried his way with you he's so sleazy." both of you laugh at the mention of na jaemin, thinking about his long history of witches at hogwarts.

somebody walks down the hallway outside the library doors, their footsteps steady as they strolled down. the noise from them can be heard so suddenly before it's gone again and the two of you are back in your little bubble in the library.

"i feel calm for once." you spoke, closing your eyes to take in the moment.

"calm enough to sleep?"

"nice try," you push his foot with your own. "i do miss dreaming though. it would be nice to escape reality for a little while at least.

"nah, dreaming isn't that special. it doesn't last very long anyways." renjun disagrees with your statement quickly, with a tone of annoyance. the thought of his nightly nightmares makes him upset easily.

you sigh, watching as a house elf sleeps peacefully at the librarians desk, too tired to stay awake to make sure they don't steal any books. you feel bad for the elf, cleaning up after everyone all day and then having to stay awake at night to watch guard. you always imagine how the house elves or ghosts must feel, trapped in this castle for many years. renjun watches you when you go into deep thought about other beings, you look so calm.

"why are you staring at me, pureblood?" you roll your eyes, picking up your book again.

"no reason ." renjun shrugs, but mentally hopes that your face is what he dreams of tonight.

-------------

renjun wakes up on the floor of his dormitory for the third time this week. it takes him a moment to realize that he's no longer on his bed anymore. the castle is cool in late spring morning. usually ningning will come bounding into his room to wake him up, but he's been hoping that you come to check up on him. he wants to wake up with you sitting in his desk chair, a book up to your nose like it usually is in your library visits. but no, there's no you, and there's no ningning.

renjun starts to think about all the things he needs to do today. letting his thoughts go further until reality hits him with full force when his prefect slams open his room's door.

"renjunnie!" winwin sings out, "w-what are you doing laying on the floor? i know the beds at hogwarts are used but i don't think they're that bad that you need to sleep on the floor." winwin is already dressed for the school day. his prefect badge shown brightly on his chest.

"are you okay renjun?" winwin asks when he notices how tired renjun looks. winwin opens the door more to examine the student. "if there's something bothering you you can tell me."

renjun stands up and starts finding his uniform for the day, wincing as winwin turns on the light in his room. renjun shrugs at his question, trying to ignore the ache in his back from sleeping on the floor. he figures he must've been there a while. "i'm fine, win."

"alright... breakfast starts soon, don't wanna miss it." winwin knows that renjun has been weird lately. he's heard him leave his dorm room in the middle of the night after hearing him talk and mumble in his sleep through the walls. winwin has noticed that he's barely been speaking to ningning either, and the two of them use to be inseparable. last year, when winwin was just made the ravenclaw prefect, he found renjun out in the ravenclaw common room late at night, asleep with a frown on his face on the floor. he woke renjun up and brought him back to his room. the two of them never spoke about it again, and winwin never told anyone about it, but he figures whatever happened then, is happening now.

breakfast that morning was very odd for him. ningning still wasn't talking to him and he couldn't keep his eyes off of you.

"you sleep okay renjun? you look like shit." jeno grasped ahold of him from behind, mangling his hair around.

"fuck off jeno." renjun groaned with a smile, pushing off his friend. "let's just go to class, alright?"

--------------------

as the snow continued to melt outside as spring made its appearance, you sat out in the courtyard, waiting for dinner to start in an hour. you wore a light jacket with a book in your lap. there were other students in the courtyard as well, but you paid no attention to them.

the sun started to set more as it approached dinner time. it created a mixture of orange and pink hues in the sky that lit up the courtyard. it was times like this that hogwarts felt so peaceful.

you start to let your thoughts control you mind for a while. you think about your family, and what your father must be doing right now. you've never been that close with him, though you share the same muggleborn blood. you think of how renjun must think of your father. if he thinks your bad, i wonder what he thinks about your father and the rest of his side of the family.

deep down you are jealous of renjun. he comes from a great ravenclaw pureblood family that are all close together. you liked spending time with renjun's family, it distracted you from your own chaotic one. with a runaway brother, a tired mother and lying father you figured anyone else's family would be better.

as if renjun could hear your thoughts about him, he walked out into the courtyard in front of you. his long ravenclaw robe wrapped around him to keep him warm from the brisk early spring breeze. the rest of the students went inside during your day dreaming, leaving only you and renjun now.

renjun quirked an eyebrow as he saw you sitting there by yourself, glancing around to see that no one else was out there. why would anyone be out there anyways? dinner was starting soon and it was getting damn chilly with the sun almost set for the night.

you watch as he walks closer to you. you feel almost awkward as you make eye contact, this being the only time you'd be together that wasn't in the middle of the night in the library. you wonder what he's thinking as he sits down next to you, almost anticipating what will happen now. you debate if he'll insult you like usual, or inform you that he'll see you tonight in the library. you wonder if it'll be the latter, and he'll wake up in the library chair in a jolt with sweat dripping down his head like he's done so many times the past two weeks.

"y/n." renjun waves his hand in your face, his usual disgusted confused expression on his face as he looks at you. you realized that you had been doing out again as he sat beside you.

"hey." you replied, a soft smile. unsure of how this conversation was going to pan out. you notice how your hand resting on the stone bench were brushing against his hand; in an intentional accidental way that left both of you trying to ignore it. you didn't want to make it more awkward for you.

renjun observes your tired expression as you look at him, the sunset sky behind you makes you look beautiful to him in a way he's never thought of before. his own thoughts startle him as he looks away from you now and to the trees that started to grow their own leaves.

"what're you doing out here?" you asked him. you've never seen him out in the courtyard before, only a few times over your years at hogwarts and he was usually with his group of friends- never alone.

"i wanted a break from things before i go to dinner."

"is everything okay?" you've never asked renjun something like this in the years you've known each other, even when he fell off his bike and cut both his knees when you were nine.

"do you ever think about leaving the country?"

"all the time." you nodded, "is there anywhere you want to go?"

"i want to go back home- to china- jilin city. it's so nice there and it's where my mom's family lives." a silence washes over the two of you as you think about renjuns words. "is there anywhere you want to go?"

you think for a moment, glancing up at the sky as it turned a dark blue now. "paris i guess. my brother always spoke about it, so i wanna see for myself." renjun smiles at your words, thinking about how nice it would be to visit or to live in paris, especially with you.

-

the walk to the great hall for dinner was silent, both of you tired and hungry. when you got closer to the busier hallways, you split up away from each other, still mentally use to being each others long life enemies. as renjun walks farther and farther ahead of you, you don't take your eyes off of him. he's been sleeping more in the library this week, instead of reading a book beside you. of course he wakes up after a while, either from a nightmare or just because he's decided he needs to go back to his dorm room. she's been sleeping herself in the library, when he's on the chair beside her. it's an odd feeling when she wakes up and he's no longer there.

when they enter the great hall, most of the students have already started eating. renjun sits down at the front of the table with winwin and xiaojun, smiling as they speak in their mother tongue together.

you sit at the back of the table, across from a nice girl named sana. she smiles at you as she catches you staring at her. you've spoken to sana a couple of times in your shared ravenclaw common rooms, but not too often to call each other friends.

"how are you feeling about the house cup points?" sana asks you, taking a bite of her meal.

"who's winning right now?"

"hufflepuff." sana rolls her eyes, stabbing the meat on her plate. "they've been getting favourited since the start of the year!"

"oh whatever san! just admit that we are the better house!" the hufflepuff prefect named momo laughs, wrapping her hands around sana's shoulders from behind and shaking her. momo and sana have been friends since their first year at hogwarts, they were basically inseparable.

"seriously momo! don't you think it's a bit odd how the hufflepuffs earn fifty points a day?!"

"nope! not at all! come, let's go study for the astronomy test!" momo laughs, pulling sana up from her chair.

"see you later y/n!" sana waves at you, following her best friend out of the great hall.

you forgot about the astronomy test, mentally thanking momo for mentioning it. you quickly finished your dinner, leaving some broccoli behind, and went back to your dorm room to try to study for it. you turn your head before you exit through the doors, catching renjun's eyes with yours. you smile softly at him again, this time feeling a bit embarrassed. you basically expect renjun to just roll his eyes and look away, but instead, the right corner of his mouth turns up into a smirk for a moment, before turning his body back to look at winwin.

you close the door behind you, feeling a butterfly flying around your stomach alone at renjun's action, cursing yourself for letting him have some effect on you still.

-------------

renjun enters the library at night, knowing that you'd be alone sitting in your usual chair reading a different book than the previous night. he's always wondered how could you read through a book so fast everyday. it's one of the things renjun admires about you but would never tell you or anyone in that matter.

as he approaches you, he can sense that you actually aren't alone in the library. there's something dark, maybe evil lurking around in the far book shelf. he wants to call out to you, tell you to get up right now and follow him out into the hall. he wants to run and grab your hand, hold onto it tightly as he pulls you out of the library.

but he can't. he's stuck standing at the front of the room beside the librarians desk. he can't speak or move a muscle as he watches something pass by the bookshelves in the far back of the room. it moves closer to your oblivious self, too absorbed in your book and thoughts.

the frustration grows inside of him as the dark figure now exposes itself into the pale moonlight of the library. it definitely is evil, and it definitely wants to hurt you. it gets closer and closer to you until you feel it's presence. you turn around to see what is behind you, your face contours into shock and fear as you see the dark, evil figure.

the figure jumps at you, covering your body as it begins to take you away from hogwarts, take you away from renjun. renjun sees your eyes meet his through the figure's arms.

"help renjun! please help me!" you cry as you feel your soul being ripped away from you.

renjun tries to jerk his body forwards to reach you, but it's no use. he's stuck at the front of the library, like there's super glue on the bottom of his shoes. he hears your crying get louder and more painful. renjun wants to do something, he can't stand here and you get ripped away bit by bit in front of him. the figure continues to cover you, until renjun can't see or hear you anymore. he feels a tear drip down his cheek, at least his tear can move.

the figure stops moving, and looks up toward renjun. he notices that you're gone and only the dark figure remains with an evil grin. it starts to move towards him.

"renjun!?" renjun jolts awake from the floor of the common room. winwin is crouched over him, shaking him awake with a concerned look on his face. other ravenclaw's have circled around renjun, all worried or scared expressions on their faces as they look down at the pureblood ravenclaw. "renjun are you okay?"

winwin mentally kicks his past self at how he could let renjun suffer for this long. he knew that something like this would happen. renjun sits up by himself, and looks around at all the whispering ravenclaws that stared at him. "i-i'm fine." renjun states, though he does not feel like it all.

"okay good! now everyone, back to bed! there are only a few more hours of sleep before classes start!" renjun jumps, the prefect smile he's practiced so much on his face as he persuades everyone to go back to sleep. the students take one last glance at renjun, before nodding and walking back to their own dorm rooms.

winwin stays with renjun on the floor of the common room for a while. the two of them watching the fireplace crackle to warm up the castle before spring and summer settle in. winwin wants to speak, but he knows renjun. he knows that renjun likes to keep his feelings to himself and bottles them up until he can't take it anymore.

"you were screaming so loud." winwin starts cautiously," the loudest you've ever been, i thought something bad was happening. you weren't even in your dorm room!" renjun's eyebrows crease together at win win's words, not believing what he was hearing. "how about i take you back to your bed, huh?" renjun nodded and followed his prefect back to his room.

-

winwin sat in renjun's desk chair as renjun lied awake in his bed. he told winwin that'd he'd be okay, and for him to go back to his prefect room, but winwin refused.

"what's been bothering you renjun?" winwin asked, "and be honest, don't pull your usual renjun shit and become all arrogant with me when someone asks if you're good."

renjun sighs, his breaths now even unlike when he woke up in the common room. "i don't know win. just these nightmares you know."

"what was it about tonight?"

renjun hesitated before speaking quietly, "y/n."

"y/l/n y/n?!" winwin exclaimed, "your enemy?!"

"shh!" renjun shushed him, his head still hurting from his nightmare. "yes, her."

"well what happened?"

"she just... got hurt. and i couldn't do anything."

"since when do you care if y/n got hurt?"

"i guess since we've been hanging out more." winwin has never been so shocked in his entire life. his friend that he thought he knew everything about is just completely ruining the image that winwin had of him.

"what do you mean hanging out?"

renjun shrugs, because he doesn't even know what he means. does making out once in the library and both having sleeping issues mean hanging out?

"man i had no idea." winwin sits back in renjun's desk chair, shock evident on his face. "do you... like her?"

"no!" renjun exclaims, suddenly, as if he wasn't dying of sleep exhaustion inside.

"jeez!" winwin said taken aback, "fine fine. what are you gonna do then? if you're having these nightmares about her?"

renjun shrugged again, rolling over so his back was now to winwin. "i'm tried win." winwin sighed at the usual renjun coming out.

"you know you can talk to me renjun, i won't judge you." renjun closed his eyes as he listened to winwin. "you're my friend, my favourite ravenclaw student, you're like my family. it hurts knowing that you have these nightmares all the time. i thought they were gone... i wish you would've told me sooner junnie."

"i'm sorry." renjun apologized without looking at winwin. he couldn't bear to see how worried his friend must look, it would hurt him more inside. "i really am win. and i appreciate you. but i'm tired, and i want to sleep." renjun spoke with a tone that hid how upset he was feeling.

"okay." winwin stood up after sitting with renjun for an hour. "i'll see you in the morning." winwin closed renjun's door, sighing as he walked back to the prefect room, hoping that renjun would be okay.

---------------

you hold a picture of your family as you mentally prepare yourself to go to class. your brother smiles so happily at the camera, it makes you wonder how he was so good at hiding how he felt. you look at your younger self in the picture, thinking about how you would have never thought your brother would leave you and your family. he'd never get to see you graduate like you did him.

in the picture, both of you look so similar, that it makes you wonder if you still do now. your brother and you have the same eye shape that you got from your mother, a few freckles on your nose from your father and that wonky smile that both of you smile with.

there's a knock on your door that pulls you away from your depressing thoughts.

"coming y/n?" sana smiles at you, "don't wanna be lack to astronomy right?"

you sigh with a smile, "riiiight." sana smiles at your sarcastic tone, she knows just how much you hate astronomy class.

you expect to walk into the class and see renjun, knowing that at least he loved the class. you hadn't seen him last night in the library. you were lonely as you couldn't fall asleep and read alone in the library for hours, only managing to get 30 minutes of sleep last night. you figured that maybe renjun had gotten some good nights sleep for once, which you were happy about, though you envied the thought of him getting more sleep than you.

it was odd for renjun to miss a class, especially if it was astronomy class. you notice that even ningning and jeno are exchanging odd looks to one another at the empty seat beside jeno. ningning shrugs and turns around to finish her makeup. jeno looks at you, making you quickly look away.

"y/n." jeno whispers calls to you. you mentally hit yourself but look at the quidditch captain. "do you know where renjun is?"

"no i don't, sorry." you smile and look back down at your textbook as jeno nods and turns back around. you start to worry about renjun, but just think that maybe he's having a sick day.

-

when you get back to the ravenclaw common room after your classes today, you're relieved when you notice that no one else is there yet. you hurriedly walk into the wizard hallway, not wanting to be caught. you're about to knock onto renjun's dorm room when someone down the hall calls your name.

"y/n." you turn to face your prefect winwin. his brown hair was styled the way it usually was; pushed back with a strand hanging down his forehead; but he looked far more tired than usual. "don't you know by now that you aren't allowed in the wizard hallway? please head back to the witches hall okay?"

the hall is quiet as you stare back at your prefect, sensing that he's hiding something from you.

"is renjun okay, winwin?" you asked him suspiciously. the hall fills with some sort of tension that you've never felt with your prefect before. it feels uncomfortable and awkward.

"yes, he's okay y/n. but he shouldn't see anyone right now okay? he's tired." winwin examines you as he speaks, eyeing you down and noticing just how similar you look to renjun right now. the dark circles under your eyes show the lack of sleep and the wrinkled uniform that shows you've been rummaging around in it for a while. "how about we go talk outside?" you agree and follow winwin outside to the back of the courtyard, away from everyone so no one could hear. from a far it looked normal, just a ravenclaw talking to her prefect about something, no one know that their topic would be renjun.

winwin sits back against the stone bench, watching all the other students live their own lives. you're sitting beside him, twiddling with your hair to keep you distracted from the weird silence between you two. outside is a nicer day than it was the day before, the air smelt like spring.

"did i upset him, winwin?" you ask him, breaking the silence.

"no." he replies easily.

"is it something about his nightmares?" you look up at the new leaves on the trees. "say something."

"he's just in one of his moods today y/n, you out of everyone know how he can get."

"so he doesn't want to see me?"

"not today. he doesn't want to see anyone. he's tired. maybe tomorrow." winwin mentally hopes that tomorrow renjun will be okay. he told dumbledore early in the morning that renjun was feeling 'under the weather' and won't be in class for at least three days. winwin stayed outside renjun's door even though he'd told renjun he'd leave. he listened to his almost silent cries for a few hours, before soft snores left his mouth. when he woke renjun up this morning, he could sense how tired and upset renjun was. he didn't seem like his usual self. winwin knows how stressed renjun is, so he gave him a few days off from the world.

"i've been sitting with him in the library every night for almost three weeks now winwin. what's wrong with me?" winwin knew that you'd never just take the answer he's given you, but he also knew that renjun would kill him if he told anyone about renjun's nightmares, especially when they're about you.

"he'll tell you okay, y/n? just give him some time." winwin sits and watches you stare off into the courtyard now, as if your mind has left your body completely. he can tell how much you care about renjun, but he doesn't say anything. he knows that renjun doesn't like when people care about him too much, that's especially why he even pushed away ningning after a while.

you finish taking in the courtyard's new appearance and stands up away from winwin. "renjun of all people should know how i'm feeling right now- how he's making me feel. i'm stressed too. i'm tired too. i just thought he'd want someone to feel like that with."

------------------

the evening that ningning came up to you in the courtyard was a cooler one. everyone else was still inside, digesting their sunday dinner still. hogwarts school of wizardry and witchcraft always made sure to go full out on sunday dinners.

you had decided to skip it. you weren't hungry anyways.

the automatic lights in the courtyard had just switched on for the night when the ravenclaw girl approached you. she looked the same as always; pretty and bitchy. you mentally groaned when you saw her walking at you will a full intention of obviously talking to you.

"y/l/n." she spoke, her eyebrows furrowed in towards each other. she was definitely a lot more pretty when she smiled rather than her expression now.

"hi, ningning."

"where's renjun?"

"i don't know."

"what do you mean you don't know. i know you guys have been seeing each other at night. what have you done to him?"

"how do you know that?" you asked her curiously, there's no way that renjun would've told anyone that he was hanging out with you.

"i have my ways, y/l/n, you should that by now, we've known each other for quite awhile." ningning crossed her arms over her chest.

"well i wouldn't say we know each other bu-"

"whatever y/n! what have you done with renjun!? ever since you started hanging out he's been avoiding me!"

"i haven't done anything to him ningning." you kept calm so far.

"please y/n. with your muggle blood, you could be up to anything! what did you do, huh? give him some amortentia? that's exactly what you did! poison him!"

you stood up so you were eye level with her now, "i didn't do anything to him ningning! maybe he just finally realized how much of a bitch you are! just like everyone in his school has!"

"merlin's beard y/n. get over yourself. renjun would never just want to be around you! you're basically a muggle! a disgusting mutt that shouldn't even be allowed to step foot on this castle!"

"shut up!" you cursed at her, instinctively pulling out your wand and aiming it at her.

ningning stumbled back away from you, but stopped when she saw you weren't going to do anything, "gods, y/l/n, you really are crazy." she said in a quiet tone. "renjun hates you and your blood, you're not good for him so just stay away." she shook her head at you, walking backwards with a disappointed expression.

you didn't put your wand away until she was out of your sight. leaving you heaving with adrenaline and sadness pouring through your muggle veins. you knew what she was saying was just aiming at you to get angry- to get all your insecurities running through your mind. but her words hurt- they always hurt.

you sat back down at your spot in the courtyard, wiping your cheek of a single, fallen tear. you didn't hurt renjun physically, but you didn't know if you were mentally causing him harm. maybe that why he doesn't even want to see you anymore.

everything was unknown to you- except for that fact that you definitely weren't going to be sleeping tonight.

--------------------

you never thought that you'd miss huang renjun. your life enemy.

one week of renjun staying in his dorm room, and you think you've officially become the type of lonely that you never wanted to be. you like to be alone, but lonely was a different feeling that you're not used to.

you've known renjun basically your entire life, but without seeing him for a week, you feel like you've forgotten what he looks like. your life feels different without him. you use to think how not having renjun in your life would be great! but now with that reality being present, you just feel like your life is slower and way too quiet for your liking.

you haven't slept since the last time you spent the night in the library with renjun. though, if you head straight for your bed after eating dinner, you manage to get an hour or two of sleep before staying awake for the rest of the night. you spent more of you time wandering the hallways at night, not caring if you got in trouble for it or not.

today goes by the same way all your days have been going for the past week. you sit in your classes, not paying attention to your professors. in the classes that you share with renjun's friends it feels odd to not see renjun sitting with them. they seem more quiet themselves now that they're missing one of their friends.

after your classes are one for the day, you sit out in the back of the courtyard where winwin and you spoke the week before. you liked people watching from afar- guessing what all the other students in the courtyards lives were like. it distracts you from your present reality.

you tried to get a peak of renjun the other day when winwin entered his dorm room, but it was no use. winwin slipped in too quickly and shut the door right after. you wanted to know how renjun was doing- how bad of shape was he in if he couldn't even leave his dorm room? you imagine that renjun must be in some pain that he's never felt before. you like to think that you could make him feel better, if only you got to see him.

---------------------

the spring rain starts two weeks in of not seeing renjun. its makes the sky a deep blue and the courtyard abandoned. you feel like hogwarts has settled into a deep slumber, as if it was waiting for renjun to leave his room- just like you were. you got a letter from your mother last week. when you opened the envelope you hoped that it would say your brother has returned home, but of course it didn't. you maybe even thought your mother would mention something about renjun's family being concerned about their son at hogwarts- but you were left without a word about that too.

tonight you sat in the library alone like usual. there was no annoying renjun beside you. sometimes it felt like he was there with you, you'd forget for a second that he wasn't. you'd read something funny in your book and look up to share it with him, but you'd only be met with his empty chair.

you started reading lord of the flies again. it reminded you of the months before when renjun first started joining you in the library late at night. it reminded you of the time you felt renjun's lips on yours. how warm they were. the book made you sad before, but now with the nostalgic feeling of renjun lingering within it's words, it presented a new type of sadness as you turned it's pages.

the sound of rain hitting in the library windows calms you as you try to enjoy being alone again. you figure that you better start getting use to the feeling again. the lord of the flies is being left as an offer to the beast, but it doesn't distract you from your outside thoughts.

"i thought i was helping him." you spoke aloud, knowing no one would hear you. ever since your brother left, you've picked up the small habit of talking to yourself. it use to ease you in a way, but now it just makes you feel mad.

"i thought we were getting over all the hatred in our past. i guess i was wrong. i guess i'll never actually know huang renjun." you close the lord of the flies and leave it sitting on your lap.

"we'll be better off once we graduate in a few months. we can go back to normal. we will only see each other during holidays, when our families get together like usual." the word 'normal' leaves a feeling within you. you got use to the new friendship that had grown between you and renjun- you didn't know if you wanted it all to go back to ignoring each other and throwing insults.

"he can take care of himself when we're done here. he has his pureblood family! he has friends like winwin and jeno that care about him." the rain picks up outside as you continue to speak. it reminds you of the storm that lead to chaos in the lord of the flies.

"i'll miss him though." you whispered now, "although i'm not sure who i'll be missing." the renjun you grew up with is so different than the renjun you've been sitting in the library with at night in the past weeks. you feel the urge of crying washing over you, but you push it back. you hate the feeling of it. you feel so dramatic when you cry. you start to stare off into the forest outside the window, watching as the trees blow with the rain and the wind.

"y/n."

a voice calls you from the front of the library where the doors are. you're so sleep deprived that you think you must be hallucinating now.

"y/n are you awake?" you turn your head where you think the voice is coming from - still unaware if its some sort of dream or not.

but renjun is indeed standing there. you feel your eyes widen as you take in his appearance. he's skinnier than you remember and his hair is sort of longer and un styled. his circle glasses are over his eyes and the dark eye bags he's been accustomed too are gone.

"renjun? what are you doing in here?"

"what? am i not allowed in the library anymore?" renjun asks, walking towards you.

"no! i - i mean yes! but i haven't seen you." you stumbled, watching as he sat down in his usual chair.

"yeah yeah. i needed some sleep." renjun shrugs in his chair. the chair feels as if it's new again he hasn't been here in so long. you still felt as if your tired brain was playing a trick on you.

"are you really here, renjun?"

"of course i am, what do i look like?" renjun asks with a quirk of his eyebrow, he pushes up his glasses. it feels like a stupid question to ask, but when you haven't slept in three weeks it feels almost necessary.

"i missed you." you spoke in a whisper, scared for his reaction. renjun stays quiet for a moment, glancing over your tired features.

"i missed you, too."

----------------------------

renjun's slumped over body takes up most of the chair he's sitting in. his head hung over the left side of the chair so he's closer to yours. his glasses have fallen down his nose again and his mouth is opened a tiny bit as he sleeps. the sun is starting to rise again, meaning students will be out in the halls soon.

it feels so familiar to watch renjun sleep again. its a time that you feel like you genuinely know who huang renjun is. you've never seen him sleep this hard while in the library and for this long. but as the rain stops and the sun continues to rise, you have to wake him up for school. before anyone comes in and sees him passed out in the chair.

renjun blinks hard as he wakes up to you nudging his shoulder gently. he looks around and forgets where he is for a second as he sees all of the book shelves. he recognizes you as soon as he turns.

"hi." you spoke softly, not wanting to be so loud in the morning. renjun smiles with a smile that you have not seen in weeks. it's tired but authentic.

"what time is it?"

"6:30."

renjun groans at your response, "ugh. i have to go back to my classes today." you nod, happy that you get to see him in class again. renjun closes his eyes again, and you imagine that he's thinking the same thing you are. "i better go back to the dorm before winwin notices im gone." renjun stands and stretches, feeling the ache in his back from sleeping lopsided on a chair.

"yeah, okay." you replied, knowing that he had to go but not wanting him too. you liked being alone with him, even if he was sleeping.

"hey, i'll see you in class, right?" renjun notices your change of demeanour, his hand gently grabs onto your shoulder to get your attention. his action makes you feel like you're really awake- the most awake you've been since he's kissed you.

"yeah. for sure." renjun smiles and squeezes your shoulder once before heading back to his dorm room, winking at you as he closes the library door. it leaves you alone again, making you realize how you never want to be again.

----------------------

your astronomy class mates were a bit confused when they saw how close renjun and you were sitting in class together. though, they didn't say anything loud enough for the two of you to hear. professor sinistra held a pleased smile on her face as she saw you.

the sliver ravenclaw rings renjun and you adorned on your fingers were gleaming as your hands rested on the table beside each others. you wanted so badly to reach out and trace his fingers that looked far too pretty beside your own, but you didn't dare. you didn't want the rest of the class to all look at you as if you had lost your mind. plus, ningning would probably have murdered you then if she saw it.

the class went on and your boredom increased with every minute. you saw renjun cover his notepad from your eyes, jotting down something quickly before silently ripping part of the paper out and folding it. he slid it non chalantly on the table towards you.

you questioningly picked up the note, unfolding it.

you held back your eye roll as you looked at renjun to professor, who had her back turned and was writing something on the board. as the professor continued to teach, you grabbed your blue pen and wrote back to renjun on apiece of paper from your booklet. you handed the note to renjun who read it with a smirk.

renjun wrote another note and slide to you without any one noticing, they were all to focused on learning during class.

you quietly scoffed and opened your mouth in shock at renjun, acting hurt at his insult. you crumpled his note and tossed it back onto his table. he smiled at you and went back to listening to professor sinistra.

after a while, you felt your tiredness start taking over again. you couldn't help it! the class was just so boring. you felt your eyes shut for just a moment, until something cold and thin started gently knocking against your knuckles.

your eyes shot open and looked down at your hand. renjun's wand was resting on your knuckles before bouncing and knocking on them again. you turned your head to your now ex-enemy, who looked pleased with himself. with your other hand you pushed away his wand.

you grabbed two of your books from the corner of your desk and put them under the hand that was closest to renjun, wanting something to prop your arm on. renjun shook his head at you with a look of disbelief, he didn't know how someone could find a class like astronomy so boring. though he liked when you slept, during class was definitely not the time for it.

his right hand grabbed your left one that was resting on your mini book stack. you turned your body towards renjun, heat on your cheeks warmed them as you felt some what embarrassed that others were going to look at you. though you made no movement to take your hand away from his.

you looked down at your intertwined hands, your ravenclaw rings matched each others as the cool metal of them contrasted with your warm fingers. his thumb lied over top your own.

"what? gotta keep you awake somehow." renjun whispered into your ear with a sneaky tone in his voice. you shook your head at him, but still didn't pull away your hand.

for the rest of the class you felt quite alert as you kept looking around to make sure no one saw what was happening in the back of the class. you were nervous that ningning was going to turn around and cast incendio at you. but you just couldn't let go of renjun's hand, it felt so comforting in a way that you knew would eventually break your heart.

----------------------

the nights in the library with renjun continued for a week. your conversations became more fun and you anticipated every night that came so you could be with renjun.

"have you studied for the astronomy test at all?" renjun asked you from his chair, skimming through some sort of historic astronomer book.

"nope." you replied, popping the 'p' sound.

"oh c'mon y/n, you must study!"

"ugh, but i hate astronomy."

"i know i know," renjun chuckled, "how about we continue our studying sessions tomorrow at lunch? i have nothing else to do anyways."

"okay." you agreed, "you don't have anything planned with the boys?"

"nah, i haven't spoken to them much..." renjun trailed off, looking deep in thought now. you had noticed that he's barely even glanced at jeno and the rest of them. ever since he took a small hiatus from school, renjun has been more... introverted than he usually was before. he didn't speak in class anymore, and only really stayed by you the whole day. "i'm going to try to go to sleep now, i'll see you in class tomorrow right?" renjun stood, zipping up his ravenclaw hoodie.

"yeah, for sure! have a good sleep, jun." you smiled, watching him leave the library.

"hey y/n," renjun called out to you before he fully left the library, "at least try to sleep tonight, okay?"

you give him a tired smile, "okay."

-----------------

"i can't do this." you groaned, falling back into your chair, "why do we have to learn this? i'm sure there are plenty of powerful witches that don't know if every black hole contains a singularity!"

renjun laughed at you, "there's only a few more questions y/n! try them!" renjun tried to encourage you, but he knew he was losing you. all lunch he'd been trying to teach you about what you were suppose to have learnt this semester in the class. you were getting more tired than ever by looking at pictures of space.

"ugh, let's just give up! class is suppose to start soon, anyways." you debated, pulling your textbook away from him and putting it in your backpack.

"what class do you have next?"

"boring transfiguration, what about you?"

"potions." renjun groaned. both of you began to pack up your things, along with the other students in the library. "wait," renjun stopped you suddenly, "how about we just skip next period? because i really don't wanna go."

"sure!" you immediately agreed, liking the idea of skipping such a dreadful class to hang out with renjun instead. you followed renjun and the rest of the students out into the hallway, blending in with them all. you wrapped your hand around renjun's upper arm to not lose him in the crowd of people.

you knew by now that the other students

-

your foot taps against the table in front of you, a sign that you were increasingly growing impatient as the hours of the night went on and you were still sat alone in the library. renjun had never missed a night in the library recently. ever since the three weeks that you were apart, you've been together every night. maybe he was having a good sleep for once, no intruding thoughts took over his sweet dreams.

when the large clock on the library wall indicated that it was almost 4 in the morning, you gave up waiting for renjun and went back to the ravenclaw dorm room yourself. maybe you could get some sleep for once too.

the ravenclaw dormitories were silent as even the portraits were sleeping at this hour. you could faintly hear someone snoring far down the hall, envying the unknown person for being able to sleep so well.

at the beginning of the dormitories, it splits into two halls; one for the wizards and one for the witches. you stood at the fork in the hallways, knowing that you should go back to your room, but you looked longingly at the wizard's hall. you wanted to just peek into renjun's room, at least then you would know if he was okay. you sighed and gave into your tempted thoughts, walking down the wizard's hall.

you stopped in front of renjun's room, standing quietly to see if you could hear anything from his side of the room. when there were no noises, you turned the old doorknob and pushed in gently. just as you predicted, renjun was fast asleep on his small bed.

you smiled to yourself as you observed his sleeping figure. sure you've seen huang renjun asleep before during the many summers and holidays spent with your families together- but you never thought huang renjun was beautiful until now.

renjun was laying on his side, his eyes closed in a peaceful way that let his eyelashes almost brush against his cheeks. strands of hair covered his forehead and fell down over his eyes slightly. his cheeks looked so plump as they were filled with sleep against his pillow.

you closed his down behind you as you fully entered his room. you could hear his quiet breaths follow his chests' movements until suddenly they turned heavy and harsh. you fond smile turned into a frown as renjun started to scowl in his sleep. his hand gripped onto the sheets beside his body in a tight grip.

you rush to his side, sitting softly on the corner of his bed beside him.

"shh," you cooed at his sleeping figure, "it's okay, it's okay renjun." your fingers thread through his hair, pushing it away from his face and behind his ear.

renjun's tense body slowly turned slack again as his nightmare dispersed as quickly as it had started. his scowl left his face and left you mesmerized with is beauty again. watching him sleep made you realize just how deprived you were of sleep. you tried to force your eyes to stay open but his gentle breaths were putting you qickly to sleep.

soon enough, your body had fallen slack like renjun's. your body hunched over on it's side as you sat up against the wall, cowering over renjun's top half. the last thought you had before you slowly loss consciousness was about how your adoration for renjun could affect you so much.

-

renjun woke up with a slight jolt as his mind was starting up a nightmare with him. he gasped quietly as he noticed someone crumpled up in his small dorm bed with him. at first, he thought it was a drunken haechan who had someone made his way to the ravenclaw dorm room again, unable to find his slytherin suite. renjun was about to scold his best friend, but stopped himself when he recognized your wrinkled ravenclaw robe.

renjun looked up so your sleeping face as it rested atop his pillow. he hasn't seen you sleep since you were younger, he'd always fall asleep before you and when he woke up, you were already awake. he took in yoru features much like you did to his hours before. though instead of just thinking about how beautiful you looked, his heart ached with something he couldn't think of. it felt poetic and he was never as good at words like you were, one of the things he was secretly jealous of.

"renjun!" winwin's voice called from outside his dorm room. instantly, you and renjun jerked up at his voice. it took a moment for you to clue in to what was happening, sleep still filling your mind, but when you met renjun's blown eyes you remembered where you were.

"uh y-yeah one sec, i'm just getting dressed!" renjun called back, gently pushing you off of his bed and pointing to his large wardrobe. you ran quietly across his dorm room to hide as renjun grabbed his slytherin robe and slipped it over his shoulders. he took one glance as you closed the door of his wardrobe to make sure you weren't in sight, and cracked open his door slightly.

"hey, win." renjun smiled at his prefect, "what's up?" winwin studied renjun's appearance for a moment, wondering why he wasn't opening his door all the way, but decided to let it go as he seemed to be wearing his uniform for school already.

"hye, you weren't out of your room yet, and breakfast starts in eight minutes so i was just checking to see if you were awake." winwin explained.

"oh! well i'm awake! definitely awake!" renjun assured winwin with too much enthusiasm laced in his voice.

"right... i can see that. just hurry up now, you don't want to miss the most important meal of the day!" winwin replied, nodding and walking away to the great hall for breakfast.

renjun shut his dorm room when he was sure his prefect left, a sigh of relief escaped his mouth. what would have happened if winwin saw you in his room...

"that was a close one." you spoke behind renjun.

"you think?" renjun turned to look at you, "why were you even in my room anyways?" he leered at you, his pupils flared.

you felt your happiness instantly drain out of you at his question, "um, you didn't show up at the library and i wanted to see if you were okay, i guess i ended up falling asleep on accident. it was accident! and i'm sorry!" you confessed with desperation, your tone surprisng the both of you. your ap[ology came out unexpected but in a way that was habitual. everytime you fought with renjun in the past when you were younger you apologized in the same manner.

"okay." renjun's eyes bored into yours with no expression on his face. the two of you stood and stared at each other, taking in the moment.

"okay." you replied, observing him now like you were the night before. he looked much more stressed when he was awake.

"i'll just see in you class right?" renjun asked you, reaching for the door knob and reopening his door.

"yeah, in astrology."

"okay, see you."

"bye."

renjun shut the door after you quickly, leaving you alone in the ravenclaw wizard dorm hallway. an odd feeling washed over you as you were left alone now. there was a weird feeling between you and renjun but you didn't know what it was. you figured it was just because you and renjun have known eachother for so long that you've gotten so accustomed to one another and the other's habits.

renjun used to be your enemy. but now, you were so unsure of what your relationship was.

all you knew, was that last night was the first time you've had a good night sleeps since the beginning of the school year.

--------------------

"remember students, tomorrow is the final exam of this class!" professor sinistra reminding the class. you sighed with a mixture of relief and anxiousness. though you and renjun had been studying together for it for a while now, you were still uncertain about how much you knew of the astronomy subject.

"hey, don't worry." renjun nudged you, "you got this. you've gotten so much better recently at memorizing things!" renjun cheered you on. in the past, renjun did the complete oppisode of this towards you. always telling you that you're going to fail because that's just usually what you are- a failure. or you are in renjun's mind.

"thanks renjun." you smiled at him, packing your things up as class was dismissed now.

"are you okay?" renjun asked you. he's noticed that since this morning, you've been acting strange. he figured at first that you were probably just still out of it from actually sleeping for once, but its been going on for too long. he wondered if he had a nightmare again with you in his room last night. he started to get nervous about what you might've heard him say in his awful dreams. but he doesn't recall having a nightmare last night- if anything he slept better than usual.

"yeah i'm fine, i'm just nervous about the exam." you replied casually, dreading the amount of studying you'd have to do tonight.

"well we can study together tonight for the last time, maybe it will help the both of us." renjun has never been this happy about spending time with you, it made you more nervous in general. when you didn't answer him he spoke up again, "are you sure you're okay?"

you glanced at renjun, and then around the now empty classroom. everyone had left to go to lunch quickly. "can i tell you something?"

renjun scanned you for a moment, "of course, what's up?"

"you know when we weren't talking for a few weeks, back in early spring?"

"yeah... what about it?"

"well, ningning talked to me during that time and i-"

"why the hell would she talk to you?" renjun's tone turned angry at the mention of his ex best friend.

"she thinks you shouldn't be hanging out with me." yu shrugged, avoiding eye contact with renjun.

"why?"

"because i'm a muggle blood," you mumbled quietly. when renjun didn't answer, you didn't even think he heard you, making you look up at him.

renjun bore no expression as the two of you looked at each other in the empty classroom. the silence was so loud that it made you feel like you couldn't breathe.

"i don't care about your bloodline." renjun finally spoke, surprising you and himself.

"what? renjun? have you really gone mad?" you asked him with a smile of disbelief on your face. you walked closer to him so you were less than a meter apart. "every chance you get you make fun of my blood!"

"i used to do that," renjun nodded, "not anymore. i don't care about your bloodline- or anyones. you're cool- i guess. and i like hanging out with you."

you tried to hide your smile at his little confession, a small part of your insecurities slowly fading away into mist now, no longer eating away at you. "do you mean that, huang renjun?"

"i mean it." he smiled at you. "now let's go study for that stupid astronomy test."

"did you just call astronomy stupid! gods who even are you!?"

"shut up!" renjun nudged you, grabbing his things and walking to the library with you for a long study session.

-----------------

"you got this." renjun whispered to you as you walked into the same classroom the next day. it was the day of the final astronomy test. the subject that you had no knowledge about or interest in. although renjun taught you about the subject for weeks now, you still felt like you knew nothing. renjun secretly wrapped his fingers around yours for a split second, before pulling away and going to his new assigned desk for the day of the exam. your heart ached at his motion. wishing that he could hold your hand throughout the whole test.

you sat shaking in your desk, going over all the things you learnt this semester in your head, trying to not forget anything. you didn't even hear your professor say she would begin handing out the tests yet. when the papers slid in front of you, your heart felt like it was in the deep bottom of your stomach.

"good luck." professor sinistra smiled at you, though you could see in her eyes that she had a small amount of doubt in you. you rolled your eyes when she walked and then meeting the eyes of jeno who smiled at you. he also mouthed the words 'good luck' to you, but you could tell he really meant it, he followed it up with a thumbs up.

you don't think your legs stopped shaking once during the whole final test. at some questions, you knew the answer exactly, while the others you straight up had to guess on them. you were so nervous that you would end up failing this test, and ultimately fail the class. you knew since this was your last year at hogwarts, that your grades this year meant so much more than the rest.

every now and then, renjun would look up from his test at you. he could tell just how nervous you were from across the room. the way your legs were bouncing, and how you were biting your pencil as you read through the test. he felt concerned for you, but he knew that you could do it. you had excelled to much in this subject from when he started tutoring you.

when the time came for the class to hand in their final tests, you had told yourself that you would be happy with any outcome that may occur. you tried your best, and you studied hard - this would be the best that you could do and you were proud of it. you were also very thankful for renjun.

you were thankful for professor sinistra as well. without her, the relationship that you and renjun have would've stayed stagnant as enemies.

"how'd it go?" renjun bounced up to you in the hall, causing others to look at him oddly.

"good... i think. i didn't leave any questions blank!" you exclaimed cheerily.

"awesome!" renjun squeezed your shoulder.

"i am so glad, this year is almost over." jeno came to walk in between you and renjun, separating you. "that test was so stupid."

"yeah i can't believe i've spent eight years at this school, just for it to be over in two days." renjun said, staring off as he took in his words. you couldn't believe where all the time went- you still felt like a little first year that got lost going to the bathroom every day.

"yeah i know. are you guys gonna go to haechan's end of the year party? it's solely for the graduating class this year." jeno asked you two.

"i don't know jeno, i'm tired of his end of the year party traditions." renjun shrugged.

"haechan has a end of the year party tradition?" you asked curiously, never hearing of such a thing in your life.

"yeah, every year he throws once. renjun just never wanted you to come because you'd 'spoil the fun'." jeno pointed at renjun and rolled his eyes.

"yeah, sorry about that." renjun scratched the back of his neck at your confused gaze.

"well would i be invited this year?" you asked them.

"definitely," jeno smiled, "haechan actually knows you and you're in the graduating year."

"okay! i'll be there!: you squealed, happy that you'd be involved with something for once with the people your age.

"great! now renjun will have to come!" jeno wrapped his arm around renjun's shoulders.

"yeah... great." renjun smiled with a roll of his eyes.

------------------

renjun and you sat in the library in your usual spots. though, instead of it being in the middle of night and both of you suffering with the lack of sleep, it was mid day and both of you were filled with anxiousness as your report cards sat in your hands.

"i don't even wanna look." you groaned, sitting back in your chair.

"c'mon, you know you're gonna pass!" renjun cheered you on. you've noticed that ever since renjun has been getting more and more sleep deprived, he's been more happy around you. probably because you're the only one- besides winwin- who knows of his dreaded nightmares and stays awake with him.

you sighed but nodded at renjun's words. you ripped open the envelope and took out your copy of your report card.

of course, all of your first semester classes were A's, and then B's in your second semester - but having a C+ in astronomy.

"holy shit." you stood up in your spot in the library.

"what?" renjun asked seriously, worried that you had failed your last class.

"i passed!" you shouted, "i passed!" renjun stood up, wrapping his arms around you, both of you cheering for yourself. when you calmed down, you immediately noticed how close you and renjun were.

renjun pulled away at the awkwardness now filling both of you. he didn't know what came over him. he's never liked any sort of skinship before- he never even hugged his parents- let alone hug you.

renjun cleared his voice, trying to clear the awkwardness at the same time, "uh, good job!" he smiled at you.

"thank you. like seriously thank you, i couldn't have done it without you!"

"it's no problem, it was sinistra's idea after all."

"yeah, but you also helped me at night, you know, keeping me company when i can't sleep."

"oh, well it's seriously no problem. you kept me company too." you smiled at each other, your minds overflowing with happiness and tiredness. "so uh, you'll be at the party later, right?"

"yeah! i will!"

"okay, well, i'm gonna try to get some sleep before then, so i'll see you then."

"yeah! i'll see you then!" you smiled, sitting back down in your chair as you watched renjun leave the library. you clutched your report card in your hand, happy for your grades this final year and happy that you could no longer call huang renjun your life long enemy anymore.

when you looked back up athe library entrance, you noticed ningning staring at you. a hurt expression crossed her face as she looked down at her hands away from you. it was the first time that you saw the usual confident girl look so insecure as she stood by herself. you didn't know what to do, but before you could think of something, the pretty girl left the room.

------------------

when tzuyu slipped you the secret note of where the secret end-of-the-year party would be held, you smiled at her. she non chaltenly winked at you and skipped down the hall, her slytherin robe flowing behind her as she was on her way to deliver more secret notes to the graduating class.

you were anxious to go to haechan's party. you knew that renjun would be there, but you were unaware of all the other actions that may occur in the night.

you definitely did not expect to find renjun looking so hot as he sat back relaxed on the couch, a red solo cup in his hand. his black hair was down, covering his forehead and he no longer wore his circular glasses.

"y/n! you made it!" ryujin exclaimed, "come sit with us!" you glanced around where her and renjun sat on the a group of solo chairs and a long couch. the popular 00' wizard friend group sat around like they did the last time you joined them at one of their parties. but this time, ningning was no where to be seen around them.

"hi, y/n! i haven't seen you in a while!" a boy named sungchan slurred, obviously already affected by the giggle water although the party had only started half an hour ago. "you look hot." his eyes scanned your body in the short dark blue dress you wore.

"don't even mind him y/n, he's been drinking since noon." jeno rolled his eyes.

"aren't you a year younger than us?" you asked the drunk sungchan.

"yeah, so? doesn't mean i can't think you're hot." you jaw dropped at his words, though you found it awfully funny since you knew he barely spoke when he was sober.

"merlin's beard, chan! would you shut up!" ryujin hit him on his arm, causing sungchan to recoil in pain.

"it's okay! it's kinda funny. thank you!" you laughed at sungchan, who smiled at you gratefully.

you glanced over a renjun who had an angry expression on his face as his cold glare met sungchan's eyes.

"do you know what, i'm gonna go bed, this is a year 8 party anyways!" sungchan babbled, obviously nervous about the way renjun was looking at him.

"yeah, i think that'd be a good idea." renjun agreed with the younger boy, who now stood up and waved a goodbye to his older friends and you.

you narrowed your eyes at renjun when sungchan was out of sight, you wanted to meet more people at your school before you had to leave, and it was nice for someone to compliment you, even if they were really drunk. renjun mouthed the word 'what' at you when he noticed your glare, making you roll your eyes and pour yourself another giggle water.

"careful y/n, don't wanna be like sungchan do you?" yangyang laughed as you were already on your third drink within 30 minutes.

"it's fine! it tastes good!" you laughed, making everyone else laugh and drink their own giggle water.

"c'mon y/n, be careful about how much you drink. i think you've had enough already." renjun said sternly.

"oh god renjun, don't be such a party pooper!" you nudged him with your heel. instantly the fun atmosphere in the circle changed as the music suddenly became louder and everyone's voices drained out. it felt like it was only you and renjun for a moment, glaring at each other.

"please don't fight again!" jeno groaned, sitting back in his chair in defeat. "you guys were doing so well!"

"we're not fighting jeno! y/n is just gonna make a fool out of herself like usual and i'm trying to prevent it." renjun snapped at his friend.

"like usual?" you sat up from your spot on the couch to stare at renjun in disbelief. "fuck you!" you stood up in anger now. "you always ruin things for me renjun!" you brushed your hair out of your face in frustration. "i'll just go. i had fun with you guys for a bit, but i'll see you tomorrow at the train station."

"no y/n don't go!" ryujin pulled on your hand from across the small coffee table! you've been here an hour! haechan's hasn't even seen you yet!"

"i'm sorry but i'm tired anyways," you heard renjun scoff at your words, "i'll see you guys tomorrow though, okay!" everyone said their goodbyes for the night, although they did not want you to leave- but you were having flashbacks of all the times renjun had embarrassed you in public that you just had to leave. you briskly walked out of the secret chamber, into the quiet hall, feeling anger and sadness all ball up into one and hold itself on your lungs, preventing you from breathing.

you don't know why you thought you and renjun had moved on from being enemies, of course renjun would have never changed after all these years of saying how much he hated you. it was so embarrassing that it made your anxiety go up and all these insecurities of yours come back inside your head.

all his friends probably think you had drank too much and now they think you're sloppy and they hate you and -

"y/n." renjun's voice called from behind you, where you were balancing yourself on a nearby window sill, trying to stop your racing thoughts. the same thoughts that kept you up at night and prevented you from sleeping.

"what?" you tried to reply sternly, to show that you were angry, but your voice came out weak in a whimper. you felt renjun's hand on your shoulder, trying to persuade you to turn around, but you quickly shrugged it off and looked out of the window, into the dark night.

"i'm sorry, i want you to have fun tonight, i shouldn't have said anything and i-" renjun started but you cut him off.

"but you always say something! you always embarrass me or insult me or just make me feel like shit! you're so different when it's you and me alone, but as soon as we're around other people you turn into a different person! the same person who i've always hated!" you snapped at him and turned around now to face him. he could see just how furious you were now. he could see just how much he had been hurting you all these years. "whether you're calling me a failure, or i'm a fool or if i'm a fucking muggle blood! you always say something."

there was silence between you guys until someone from behind the corner of the hallway started clapping lonesome and slowly. you and renjun turn to look at the person in annoyance and shock.

"well done y/n, you've actually stood up for yourself for once and have come to realize just how much you mean nothing to renjun." ningning spoke. her hair was done up in two braids that fell down to her waist. her black and blue dress showed almost all of her pretty skin that reflected the moonlight at this time of night.

"my gods, ning, what the hell are you talking about? have you gone bloody mad?" renjun asked her, disbelief covering his face.

"no have you gone mad junnie?" ningning retored, "you're the one who's hanging around this muggleblood."

"don't call her that!" renjun took a step forward so he was right in front of ningning. "year after year i dealt with people telling me how much of a bitch you are and how i should just stay away from you, and now i finally have and you can't handle it."

"you're staying away from me because obviously this muggle blood poisoned you! you really think you could like that mutt?"

renjun brushed a hand through his bangs at ningning words, "gods, you're so fucking stupid ning." he chuckled as he continued, "i'm staying away from you because i hate you." ningning and you gasped at his words, "i've dealt with you telling me lies and feeding me with thoughts for years. you're the reason i never got to understand my real feelings for y/n. because of you telling me i should hate her!"

"what do you mean junnie?" ningning asked him in a quiet voice now. "what are your real feelings for her?"

renjun paused and turned to look at you. his mind was full of all the memories that he's gained with you the past couple of months and years. how much he's grown to accept that he loves you, and he always had- he was just too naive and immature to think of such emotions like that.

you're the one who comforts him at night when he's lost in a nightmare. you're the one who makes him laugh, and think outside the box. you challenge all his traditional ideas of this world and even fantasy worlds in novels. you make him happy, and that's something he's never truly felt with anyone before- not even with his family who cause him burdens of being a powerful ravenclaw.

you're the one he wants as his life long lover - not his life long enemy.

"i love her."

the silence in the hallway is tense as the three of you process renjun's words.

"you what?" ningning asked in disgust.

"i've completely fallen for her- i love her." renjun nodded, scanning your face for a sense of reciprocation of feelings. you gulped at the renjun's sudden confession. the way he was looking at you with pure love in his eyes made you weak in the knees as your thoughts came together.

"i love you too, renjun." you admitted, a feeling of tender love washing over you and renjun that it made it seem like it was only you and him in this world. there were no worries about insecurities, or what others thought about you. just you and renjun, and that's all you wanted. that's all you ever wanted.

"you've gone bloody mad." ningning said to renjun, her own heart breaking at his love confession directed to someone else. the words she's wanted renjun to say to her for years are being said to you right in front of her.

"get out of here ningning, you can't control me anymore." renjun took a moment to glance at the now average looking ravenclaw girl. you watched as ningning ran away into the dark hallway of the castle, leaving renjun and you alone for good now.

"did you mean it, renjun? you love me?"

"yeah, i mean it." renjun nodded, taking in the way you looked so pretty in the moonlight.

you closed the meter gap between you and renjun, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him with passion. the feeling of his lips on yours made you feel the butterflies in your stomach that you've felt since the last time you two kissed in the library.

though your last kiss was filled with angry tension and lust passion, this one was gentle and held love that only the two of you could understand. renjun had no idea what has come over him. he's never been into the lovey-dovey things before that usually make him cringe- but with you, the cringey things weren't so cringey.

you pulled away from him for a moment, staring into his eyes with happiness before going back in for a kiss. his hand snuck down and laid over your ass in your short dress. the velvet texture of the dress reminded him of how hot you looked tonight. his breath was taken away when you walked into the party. he felt so possessive of you when he felt everyone's eyes on you and jealous when sungchan said the things to you that he wish you could've said instead.

both of you felt the sudden change of passion in your kiss when his hand tightened on your ass, the giggle water still giving you some bravery as it ran through your muggleborn blood.

the kiss got heated as both of your guys' hands adventures around the other's bodies, feeling it in a way you wished you could've felt way earlier than now.

"do you wanna," renjun pulled away quickly to speak before pecking your lips again, "go back to," peck, "my dorm?" peck.

"yeah, let's go." you agreed, and were suddenly being pulled by renjun through the castle's hallways, all the way back to his dorm room that you've snuck into before.

your back hit his door roughly as renjun pushed you against it. your lips were attached to each other's again, not wanting to be separate of one another again.

"god, the things i've wanted to do to you." renjun mumbled, his lips travelling down your neck, biting on it to leave marks. "you're mine right?"

"i'm yours." you whimpered back to him with no breath in your voice. renjun growled into your skin at your answer. he left more noticeable marks on your neck, now filled with the nerve to make everyone know that you were now his.

renjun slowly back up, pulling you with him until the back of his knees were against his bed. he pushed you down onto his bed, making you land with an 'oof' as you sat up on your elbows to watch him now.

"do you wanna relieve more tension, y/n?" renjun smirked at you, reminding you of the last time you and renjun were intimate.

"yes, sir." you smirked back him, making him shake his head and curse lowly at your response. renjun took of his jeans that held tightly onto his legs, and took of his dark blue polo shirt that contrasted so prettily with his complexion.

it was the first time that you had seen renjun shirtless since you were eight and went swimming together at his family's summer cabin. he definitely looked different now. more mature with his subtly abs that flexed when he bent down over you and kissed you roughly. your tongues meshed together in a way that was sloppy but turned you on so much.

renjun's hands traced down your sides to the hem of your blue dress, pulling it upwards until it was over your head. renjun sat up to take in your almost bare body. the black bra and panties you wore changed renjun's innocent image of you as you looked so sexy underneath him.

"fuck y/n." he groaned his hands tracing up and down your sides again, "you're fucken hot, baby." you whimpered at renjun's nickname for you, more wetness formed in your panties as his eyes scanned you with pure lust.

you sat up and reached behind you to take off your bra, releasing your breasts into the cool room of renjun's dorm. renjun tried to hide how much he was affected by your body, but the way his cock was twitching in his pants gave him away.

renjun grabbed your hips and turned you so you were laying on your side, your one elbow propping yourself up so you could look at him still. renjun crawled over you, pulling your one leg up so it gave him access to your pantie covered pussy. his fingers traced down your stomach, and down to your panties, pushing them aside so he could see your drenched hole. his fingers were already covered with your juices.

"wait," renjun said suddenly, making you mentally cruse him from prolong the feeling of his cock inside you, "you're not... a virgin, right?"

"renjun, ugh, no! i'm not!" you retorted, frustrated that he wasn't inside of you already, "just please, fuck me! i need you so bad, i've waited for so long!"

"okay okay, patience baby, you'll get what you want soon enough." renjun chuckled at your annoyance, bending down and kissing you feverishly again.

his fingers returned to your panties, pushing them aside again so he can gain entrance to your hole. he grabbed his cock and massaged your clit, teasing you more.

you were about to complain again when he pushed in his cock all the way, definitely shutting you up. the two of you kissed when he was fully inside of you, letting you adjust to his size. he was so close to you, you could feel him all over you. renjun moved to lay beside you while he was still inside of you, so he could fuck you from behind on your side.

his one hand held your leg up , while his other hand held behind your head on your neck. his pace started out slow, he pressed gentle kisses to your shoulder and upper arm as quiet whimpers started to leave your mouth at his cock rubbing against your walls.

your one hand started to squeeze your nipple to get more attention, feeling already so good now that renjun was fucking into you. "fuck renjun." you whimpered, "go faster now, i'm ready."

renjun chuckled into your ear, pressing a kiss behind it, "okay baby, if that's what you want." his hips started pressing into your core at an indeed faster pace. the tip of his cock hitting your g spot everytime.

"fuck! oh my gods." you cried out. your left hand reached down and started rubbing your wet clit in slow circles, contrasting against renjun's face pace.

"yeah, that's good baby, make yourself cum for me." renjun's voice was deep now as he fucked into you. his cock stretched you so well that you could feel every vein on is hard cock.

before you knew it, you were coming for the first time tonight.

"fuck, that's it y/n, let go all over my dick." renjun groaned at the feeling of your walls tightening and spasming over his cock.

his pace turned slow when you started coming down off your high, your chest heaving from your first orgasm. "fuck." you breathed out.

"i want you to ride me now." renjun demanding suddenly.

"what?" you asked, your legs felt numb you had no idea how you were suppose to ride him, but he suddenly flipped over so he was laying on his back. his cock sprung up out of you and into the air, ready for you to sit back on.

"c'mon baby, i wanna see how well you can ride me.." renjun begged with a pout, suddenly making your legs have feeling again.

you climbed on top of renjun, grabbing a hold of his dick and lining it back up with your sensitive hole. renjun's hands held onto your hips immediately, taking control of your speed. before you had time to settle down, renjun was already pounding into you from below.

"ah! ah! fuck." you whined out into the dorm, you hoped that no one would hear how loud you were, but you didn't really care at the same time with the way renjun was making you feel.

renjun was groaning underneath you as he continued to fuck into you. he loved the way you couldn't control yourself as he bounced you up and down on his hard dick.

your tits were bouncing up and down at the same pace he was fucking you to. allowing for renjun to bite down on them, leaving more marks for only you and him to see.

his hands were slapping your ass now, encouraging you to bounce more roughly on his dick. your moans were out of control now as his pace was quickening with every slap he gave you. "fuck, baby, you feel so good." renjun grunted as your walls were tightening around him again, "you're everything i've ever wanted, fuck."

his words were making you closer and closer to your high, you've never felt so wanted and love before that your emotions felt all over the place, "i'm gonna cum again renjun." you warned out to him.

"yes, come y/n, i wanna feel you tighten around me again. soak my dick."

"god, you feel so good renjun! your dick's so good!" you cried out as you came again on renjun's cock. whimpers were escaping your mouth as you bent down and kissed renjun' trying to silence yourself and him. his pace didn't slow down as you and him reached your high together. you felt your walls become filled with his cum.

"fuck." renjun grunted out, his cock twitching inside of you as the both of you let it out together. your upper body fell down onto renjun as your body became tired just like your mind. "fuck y/n."

you were too tired to answer renjun, your mind giving in finally and wanting to sleep right there.

you groaned when you felt renjun pull out of you, laying down beside him. you could barely open your eyes you were so tired out. you felt renjun pull his blanket over top you, and press a gentle kiss on your forehead before falling asleep into a deep sleep that you haven't felt in years. you've never felt so worry free and safe before. you fell asleep loved and wanted, and that was more than you could've ever asked for.

---------------

renjun and you both woke up in a start. cheers were being yelled out in the hall from all the students waking up and preparing to get ready to leave the castle either for the summer, or forever.

it took a second for both of you to realize that you were both naked and sticky from the night before. his dorm room that usually smelt like old books and pretty incense, was replaced with the scent of sex that made you scrunch your nose.

"fuck, you need to go." renjun said to you with wide eyes.

"fuck, i need to go." you replied, jumping out of his bed and finding your dress.

"you can't leave in that," renjun said, opening his wardrobe that you've hid in before, "wear this!" he tossed you his old ravenclaw sweater and pair of grey sweatpants that you quickly put on.

"ok i got to go." you said, grabbing your shoes and dress in one hand and rushing to his door.

"wait." renjun called for you and took your hand in his to turn you around. you were about to ask what when you felt his lips on yours, making you forget about the rush you were in for a second. "okay go."

"bye, love you." you said quickly, kissing him quickly before opening his door.

"love you." he replied with a cheesy grin on his face as he watched you run out and to the witches hall.

-----------------

"so where did you go last night renjunnie?" yangyang asked him as you all sat down in a booth on the train together.

"back to my dorm, why?" renjun asked him in a false confusion.

"oh no reason, just wanted to know why i heard y/n leave your room this morning in a rush."

"shit." you and renjun said together in defeat, annoyance on your faces as you were well aware about the long conversation you were all gonna have for the final train ride home from hogwarts.

"ah ha! i knew you guys would end up together!" jeno shouted, his pointer finger in the air at the 'eureeka' moment.

"oh shut up, lee! no you did not!' renjun said, kicking jeno from across the booth seat.

"ow!" jeno recoiled in pain, "i did too! you guys were just too blinded by false hatred to realize that i knew what was going to happen."

you scoffed, "as if, jeno. what're you gonna say now? that you knew ryujin and yangyang were gonna end up together too?" you asked him, leaning your head on renjun's shoulder.

"i did know that!" jeno shouted, "ow!" jeno recoiled in pain when ryujin kicked him now.

"shut up jeno! you did not!" ryujin exclaimed. all of you laughed as you all hung out together in a final nostalgic way. all of you knew that this would be the last time you'd all be together for a while now.

it was a good experience at hogwarts that you wish you could relive again, but of course, all good things must come to end, even if you don't want them too.

"hey, i got you something." renjun whispered to you, pulling his backpack up to his lap to grab something.

"what?" you laughed, excitement filling your body because of renjun again. your excitement dropped when he pulled out the library's original edition of the lord of the flies.

"merlin's beard, renjun." you said, seriousness taking over at the thoughtful gift he gave you. "what?" you asked in disbelief as he gave it to you.

"what? i'm sure they won't miss it. you're the only one who read the damn thing anyways." renjun shrugged, trying to hide how proud he was of himself for making you basically speechless at his gift.

"i love you." was all you could say to him as your fingers traced over the old, worn out cover of the book that you've read so many times during your years at hogwarts. renjun chuckled, wrapping his arm around you as he continued to watch you in astonishment.

"i love you, too," he whispered to you, "even if you are a muggleborn."

"oh shut up!" you nudged him, but nonetheless leaning into him where you felt his love so strongly for you.

you never thought that you would end your experience at hogwarts like this, so happy and content with the ending you've gotten.

the closer that you get back to home, the more happy you become knowing that the life long enemy you started hogwarts with, is now your life long lover as you end your time at hogwarts.

there's nothing you would change about your life now, not even the beginning of it :

you've always loved huang renjun.

[renatapatata]

UNUS ANNUS GOODBYE LIVESTREAM HIGHLIGHTS;

(From someone that watched it completely despite completely ruining their sleep schedule as a result,, worth it tho ✌)

They rented and set up an Unus Annus themed room and had a laptop between them to directly check out videos on, as well as a timer on a screen to remind us of their impending doom.

Amy (bless her soul) was the true moderator who from a?? Tech spot above them would speak into her mike like God and direct them to looking at out of context screenshots, memes and fanart from over the past year.

They scrolled through the channel from beginning to end and had the time to watch a dozen of them - particularly like a video from each 'era' ish of the channel, like the first ones or Camp Unus Annus as well as fan/their favorites.

All the editors got shout outs + were probably tasked to make a compilation video of the edits they were individually tasked to do and ended up making just absolute masterpiece tributes 😳

They watched videos such as Mark and Ethan Attempt an Escape Room, DIY Chiropractor, DIY Geriatric Simulator and so on...

Mark had never seen one of their last videos, Ethan Kidnaps Mark, which was the pre 'The Truth of Unus Annus' video and was basically Ethan's version of the Mark's Outside Escape Room from Camp Unus Annus.

DJ Burt Blackarach sent them a cake + bottle of champagne and ☠ y'know Ethan doesn't play with baked goods due to his peanut allergy and Mark cant drink alcohol but they appreciated the sentiment (we all did c'mon it was super sweet)

Mark got the bug watch for Amy that he'd accidentally donated in that early on video with Sean about Donating Toys to Charity!!

They almost killed a video that they found mediocre (but that is actually one of my faves ngl) aka How Much Caffeine Can Kill a Man but at the Last Second they realized that they probs shouldn't get rid of a video beforehand fnfnfn with the reasoning being that it could be someone's birthday video and that it deserved to live till the bitter end (that being of like. 5 extra hours)

There was lots of general shenanigans and ramblings/bits from time to time, with Mark and Ethan being pretty content and ready to say goodbye to the channel.

Oh yeah and then like at 2 hours and a half before it ended Ethan got a live tattoo done of the counted down to 0 timer as Mark failed to be normal around the tattoo artist and 'hAd' to mention the Pee Sauna and Pee Soda to her-

On the subject of tattoos they went through some amazing tattoos that fans had gotten and sent pictures of

Hashtags on Twitter were being flooded, with things such as #Unusannusisoverparty, #WeWereHere, #MarksNewHat - which, yeah Amy got him a top hat and I don't think I've ever seen such pure joy on his face than in that moment.

+++ Amy was wearing an epic suit which was their main aesthetic of half white half black...

Mark reiterates how proud he is of Ethan, of Amy... of the whole team!!! I got emo it was starting to get too real

AND THEN MARK HAD SURPRISE CUSTOM UNUS ANNUS POCKET WATCHES FOR AMY AND ETHAN,,,

So then ya they started getting a bit more speechless/emotional near this bitter end, and at an hour ish left I want to say was when they hit 1 million likes on the stream - and they kept pushing to hit that milestone since if they reached it they would reveal what was inside the coffin...

Plottwist!!! The coffin was empty but they decided to test it out and take turns in it (the material inside was apparently very soft).

So then Ethan gets in the coffin which commences a string of eulogies between em which got me way too emotional and was like a part of the stream that was just Being Brutally Honest With Each Other 2.0.

Mark basically talking about how proud he is of Ethan + how he's excited for his future endeavors and knows that despite the goofy exterior he shows he has such potential and then Eef gets out of the coffin crying which then proceeded to make chat (and me) cry fukcC

Mark gets in the coffin and Ethan talks about how hardworking and no bullshit a person Mark is and how he's learned so much from him and how Mark has never given up on him and his constant presence and support has changed him-

Mark gets out of the coffin crying, they hug it out and ya everyone's crying emotions r healthy gang and damn did we go through a rollercoaster of them...

So I'm weepy and dont necessarily remember exactly what was next, but Amy also got in the coffin which prompted Mark to just go off and give her the most well deserved praise ever since she was the one behind so many of their most creative/cursed ideas and was ghaaa Mark obviously could have talked about her for forever it was super sweet and shes just so deserving of all of that 🥺🥺🥺 gosh we really have her to thank for all the hard work that was put in and resulted in such an amazing payoff...

The last video they watched was The Barrel Song by the way with Schmoyoho, which was weirdly??? Really fitting since it was about saying goodbye and destroying something that you'd become fond of.

Evan then ominously says in response to being offered to get in the cry coffin with like. 5 minutes left on the timer that he totally went in it earlier which was him just politely saying No💖

Oops also forgot to mention but in the last hour they slowly deleted/privated the Instagram, Tumblr, Reddit and Twitter accounts.

And for the ultimate end which wow really came too fast once the numbers dwindled down to 10 minutes left Amy sat in frame in between Mark and Ethan as they clicked the delete channel button and the stream went dead.

[reidyoulikeabook]

Right Where You Left Me

Ship: BAU! Gender Neutral! reader x Spencer Reid

#Request - Could you do some angst with “you dont deserve my forgiveness?” Any ship!

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: Mention of death, violence, injury (not serious), angst, mourning, a lot of tears. Also, swearing, anger, fighting (verbal, not physical.)

Summary: You and Spencer Reid had been together for a year before he ‘died.’ You grieved him. You mourned him.

A/N: Title stolen from my (current) favourite Taylor Swift song. Not sure how I feel about this one but! Here it is anyway! My requests are open & pls feel free to let me know what you think!!

14 days and 30 minutes exactly

You don’t think about the day Spencer Reid died. You can’t, because even remembering he’s dead feels as if an ice bucket has been tipped over your head. Not even now, two weeks later, have you really gotten over the initial shock that you felt. Every waking moment felt like you were trying to solve some kind of never-ending puzzle. Each emotion was overwhelming, too much to process. It felt like things would only start to get better, like everybody promised they would, when you started to be able to name the emotions rather than describe them as the physical sensations they brought on.

And you didn’t think that’d happen anytime soon.

The shared apartment was too much. You hadn’t slept in your bed since he’d been gone, and forbid anyone else from going into the bedroom. It was a sanctuary.

You understood now more than ever why victims families never changed a thing about the room of their loved ones. Every single thing felt deliberate. Theirs. It was a reflection of the time they were most alive, living. A unique snapshot of them in motion. The mess they left that they expected to come home to.

Rationally, you knew that wasn’t true. There wasn’t a sock hanging off Spencer’s bedside table, or a clean cardigan balled up on the floor, for any reason other than he’d been in a rush that morning, and had left an uncharacteristically large mess in his wake. In more ways than one.

***

2 months, 5 days, 8 hours

Being back at work helps somewhat, but the office feels empty without him there to ramble off factoids about anything and everything, to hear Morgan calling him ‘kid’ every five minutes. He only called you that now.

Simmons is nice, really he is. It isn’t his fault he’s there in place of Spencer and you try hard not to feel personally aggrieved by his presence. He doesn’t do anything to antagonise you, he stays out of your way more than anything. You don’t do anything to purposely make him uncomfortable: you do try to be agreeable and make small talk. But it’s hard not to look at him without thinking how, if everything was how it should be, Spencer would be stood in his place.

***

3 months, 26 days, 3 hours.

There is no ‘new normal.’ You’ve heard the term tossed around a few times in relation to grief, but if there is a new normal you’re still struggling to find it. When you’re not on cases, there’s no ‘normal’. You still don't sleep in your own bed. Sometimes you stay on Rossi’s, or Morgan’s, or Garcia’s couch. Sometimes, read: maybe once, it’s in the spare room at the place you and Spencer used to share. Sometimes, when you get worried about being a burden, it’s a hotel. It’s easier to feel as if you’re choosing to stay away from home, rather than acknowledging that home, as you understand it, no longer exists.

You still wake up and instinctually search for Spencer most mornings. Sure, work is keeping you occupied and you smile a little more these days. You even allowed yourself to be dragged out for drinks last weekend. But nothing feels like it should. You don’t know if that’s normal for grief or if you just aren’t moving forward at all, doomed to tread yourself deeper into the melancholic quicksand that’s got a hold on you.

You talk at length about it with Garcia over wine one night.

“Nothing feels right,” you admit, “Everything just feels...”

Garcia waits, just tipping her chin slightly to encourage you to continue. She’s got the counsellor act down and you’d have the decency to feel embarassed if you weren’t just so damn exhausted all the time.

“I feel trapped, I guess. Like I’m frozen. I keep thinking maybe it’ll get better once the trials over. Once the whole legal aspect of it is over and put to bed, then maybe I’ll have some closure on the whole situation,” you mumble, “I just don’t know how to move forward. I don’t feel like I’ve moved forward. And I know it’s only been three months but I’ve only stayed at our apartment twice and I can’t bring myself to move any of his things and...”

She just waits. In that moment, you’re so grateful for her.

“I’m stuck here. I can’t change anything. I can’t bring myself to move any of his things. I’m paying rent on a place I don’t live in but I can’t move because how can I live somewhere he’s never been? I feel like I’m stuck. I can’t move out of the world he lived in but the world is moving on even without him. And I’m just...I’m just here, Garcia.”

She nods sympathetically, placing her hand on your arm, “Maybe it’ll help when the case is wrapped up. When you have that closure.”

“Yeah,” you agree, “Yeah. I hope so.”

“There’s something you’re not saying,” she says, gently, “And you don’t have to say it. But if you’re holding back because you feel guilty then you don’t have to feel guilty about anything you say to me, my darling.”

You start to well up then. The pressure in your chest is heavy, something akin to guilt. It slices into your chest, cut glass sitting between your ribs and slicing you open every time you breathe in. You’ve been thinking it a lot lately. Too much. It’s making you feel awful and you can’t decide if putting it out into the world verbally is going to be a release or make it feel too real.

Garcia waits patiently.

You decide to believe it’ll be the former, then whisper, “I wish I loved him less. I wish I’d loved him less so this wouldn’t hurt as much.”

And then the sobs come. The sobs that wrack your chest and sting your eyes and leave you looking like you’ve been on the receiving end of an upper cut. Because how could you? How could you possibly want to take back any of the love you had so willingly, freely, given to the person you loved most? What kind of person did it make you to want to take back the good memories: to wish that instead of having waffles on the couch that last Sunday, you’d had a fight about the library fine he’d gotten because of you? How could you want to switch the puzzle pieces to create a less idyllic picture of your life together, just so you wouldn’t feel so much loss when you looked at it?

She just rubs your back through it, knowing that no words can help but still saying the thing she thinks you need to hear most, “That doesn’t make you a bad person, sugar plum. That makes you human.”

***

4 months, 6 days, 14 hours.

Hotch calls you all into the briefing room.

“A few months ago a decision had to be made. Somebody had the potential to make an incredible breakthrough on a case that had been airtight for years. But it wasn’t possible for that individual to complete that work without cover. They needed to be officially gone,” Hotch’s voice booms but you swear you can hear a hesitation, “It wasn’t necessary at the time for you to have that information. Providing you with it would have compromised the safety of one of our agents, and the integrity of their investigation.”

You glance around the room, confused, noticing everyone is sharing the same bewildered look. Except Emily.

“I apologise completely for having to keep this from you, it was a decision that was not taken lately, and I did not have the final say. That being said, any discontent about this decision should be directed towards me,” he glances towards Emily, and she’s looking nervous now.

Hotch lets out a huff, somehow more tense than usual, “SSA Reid was not killed after the attack in Seattle. That was his cover, but he was investigating a case.”

He’s still talking but you can’t hear anything. SSA Reid was not killed. SSA Reid was not killed. You flip the sentence over a hundred times. And for the millionth time since SSA Reid was killed, you have no idea what you feel.

There’s uproar from everybody. Shouting. And then Hotch says something and everybody is looking at you, scanning you for a reaction and you have nothing. Nothing at all.

“Hi,” a voice from the doorway, nervous and shy, a voice you’ve only heard in dreams and voicemails and recordings from nights out that you must have watched hundreds of times by now, if they were tapes you would have worn them out long ago.

And you know you can’t face him. You can’t face any of them.

You look around the room, first at Hotch whose eyes flicker with what looks like remorse. Then, at Emily who just looks guilty as all hell. You don’t look at him. You can’t look at him.

The tension in the room is palpable but in your peripheral you see Garcia and J.J flock to the doorway, embracing him.

Rossi, is the one who comes to you, “____?”

You stare at him, completely blankly, “Yeah?”

“You need to speak to him. Need to hear him out.”

“Yeah,” you murmur, allowing him to help you to your feet. His reassuring hands on your shoulders turn you around and you meet his face. The face of the boyfriend you spent the last four months mourning while everybody watched you fall apart. And half of them knew.

So that’s what you feel. Anger.

“Glad you’re back,” you snipe, pushing past him, “Glad you’re alive.”

Everybody watches you go. A tense silence fills the room. Spencer clears his throat, after what feels like an eternity, muttering, “I-I’ll go after ... I’ll go and see if I can...”

It wasn’t the reaction he was hoping for, if he’s honest. Although he wasn’t sure what exactly he’d been expecting.

“____ please, just let me talk to you, I’m sorry, please just let me have a chance to explain,” He manages to catch you at the elevator just in time, slipping through the gap with his lithe body, “Please. I need to explain. I need to apologise.”

“You can apologise as much as you want. You don’t deserve my forgiveness. You’ll never deserve my forgiveness.”

The venom in your tone leaves him floundering.

“___ please,” he’s begging, and you won’t look at him because you can hear the tears in his voice and he’s begging again, “Please, please look at me, please listen to me. You have to understand, you have to give me a chance to explain, please.”

You’ve never been this angry at him before. But you are now. It consumes you, you’ve never understood a crime of passion before and you’re not going to put your hands on him, of course, but fuck do you understand it now. How a person could just snap. The rage swells in you, screaming. Every muscle in your body is tense. It takes all you have to ball your hands into fists, digging your nails into your palm so hard you’re sure they break the skin. You’re furious. Furious at every single one of them.

“You lied to me,” you spit, “You lied to me and let me think you were dead. You and Hotch and Emily. I didn’t sleep in our bed for four months, Spencer. I’ve spent the past four months frozen, like, I couldn’t move forward without you. I didn’t start to move on. I've spent the last four months falling apart and trying to find a way to put myself back together without you, and then what, you just come back? You think we can just go back to normal? Spencer, I didn’t feel alive this past few months. I’ve been floating through, barely keeping it together. And for what? A case? That was important enough for you to do this to me?"

It’s true, you’ve spent the last four months feeling like you were the one who died. That you were united in being ghosts, except you were haunting all the places you used to go together, and he was just haunting your dreams. And he’d been alive. This. Whole. Time.

You storm out of the lift, lifting your head to look at him for only the second time in four months, “Please. Just leave me alone. You’ve done enough.”

He knows you aren’t wrong. Knows he doesn’t know if he could forgive you if the roles were reversed. Knows, more than anything, that he’s really fucked things up. You’ll never forgive him. That’s what you said, and right now, seeing anger like never before in your eyes, he has no reason whatsoever to doubt that isn’t completely true.

You don’t even make it to the parking lot before you feel your resolve melt into absolutely nothing. Anger descending into relief, hot tears cascading down your cheeks as the mantra starts again on a new loop in your head: SSA Reid was not killed.

[serosbows]

Cloud Nine

word count: 2k+

——————— sero hanta x gn! Reader———————

Sero spontaneously decides to let the bakusquad know you guys are dating during a smoke sesh. His boldness seems to be contagious what could possibly go wrong?

WARNINGS: 18+, recreational drug use, cannabis use, drug paraphernalia, swearing, suggestive themes

I understand that not all individuals are comfortable with the idea of smoking/ cannabis use I will be putting out more fics for you guys to read!

Minors do not interact!

Also- goes without saying this fic in no way is me condoning illegal activities. y’all stay safe and be responsible

I’m really sorry for any grammar/spelling errors, I am dyslexic n words be hard

Thank you for your support! Again please read at your discretion. <3

——————————————————————————

Friday nights.

The nights you and the Bakusquad would spend in Seros room winding down from the strenuous week of training, the smell of cannabis thick in the hotboxed room.

You’re not sure how you’ve always ended up in this situation, knee to knee with Sero as you work on breaking up the batch of the sticky green plant that Kaminari swore “was the best shit” he bought. Yet, here you find yourself working in tandem with the raven-haired boy as you hum along to some song he has going on his phone.

“Can you hurry it up already?! I want to get this party started”, Kaminari whined as he watched your fingers impatiently. “This takes time and precision,” you retort back, “respect the craft for a second!”

Leaning back on his hands, Kaminari pouted and looked over at Kirishima who was fiddling with the many empty chip bags scattered around him and Mina. “Don’t look at me, dude! Just wait patiently! We all know Y/N rolls best”, Kirishima chirped.

As if the man got shot point-blank in the heart with a revolver, Sero clutched his chest with an exaggerated gasp, “how DARE YOU”, he seethed at Kirishima who bashfully shrugged. “You would pick Y/N’s rolling over mine?!” Sero yelled, shoving an accusatory finger towards you. Kirishima whistled in what was his attempt to be nonchalant, trying to avoid any further questioning from the now “big angy Sero”. (as you have come to call the puffed out cheeks and pouting lips he is now showing off).

Since this ritual started, you and Sero have found comfortable solace in each other. The calming, open nature of the tape boy had you falling head over heels for him faster than you could realize.

Luckily for you- he felt the same way.

The night he asked you out was forever engraved into your mind, the thought forming a smile on your face anytime you recalled the event.

The bakusquad had just packed it up, deciding to call it an early night, leaving you and Sero alone to continue the smoke sesh on Sero’s plush bed.

You remember that when he started arguing with you about how long you took to prepare the blunt for smoking, the sultry tone in Seros voice began to show. The sudden change had you realizing how thick the air around you two seemed to be.

“Bet I could do better in less time”, Sero said smugly, leaning into you. His movement had you adverting your eyes from your fingers and upwards, the movement leaving Sero’s nose only a few inches from yours. “W-What?”, you choke out, unsure if you heard him right.

His proximity had you inhaling his scent. Was it lemon? No. It couldn’t be, you deduced, it’s not as potent as a lemon, but it sure was some sort of citrus. Sero leaned back, pulling away from you. “I’m just saying. You take forever to roll sweets,” he said shrugging his shoulders.

You hurriedly collect yourself, attributing your absent-mindedness to Seros intoxicating scent. Shaking your head to come back to reality, you resume rolling the blunt. Sero almost worried about your silence, shifts worriedly.

When you looked up at him through your eyelashes, your fingers holding the almost rolled creation delicately, a sly smirk on your lips he was sure he was sent to heaven.

Sero was only brought out of his trance-like state when you groaned and laughed, “Okayyyyy~ sure. Whatever you say Hanta!” you said, adding an exaggerated eye roll for emphasis. “You know everyone prefers when I roll, you just get salty about it.”, you continued as you looked up at him once again, licking the paper of the blunt.

The way your tongue darted out to lick the paper in such precise little stokes had Sero losing his mind. Sure he thought you were attractive, but right now, the way you were looking up at him through you pretty lashes with your tongue out had him going nearly feral.

Trying to contain himself and his sudden change in body temperature, he retorted, “Hey! That's not true they just say that to be nice!” He proceeds to try and put on an angry face, puffing out his cheeks and pouting, scrunching his eyebrows for good measure.

“Awe~” you cooed looking at the literal baby in front of you. “Don’t get all worked up now big angy Sero! You know you LOVE when I roll.”, you said as you took the first hit of your creation.

The smoke filled your lungs with a pleasant heat, the high you originally had become more pronounced. Before you could blow out the stagnant smoke in your mouth, Sero grabbed your face with his hand, placing his lips on you with ferocity.

Your eyes widened. Was he trying to shotgun with you?? The smoke poured out of your mouth and into his, your body beginning to go slack as you finally fell into the smoke filled kiss.

You don’t know when you closed your eyes but they opened as Sero pulled away, blowing the smoke back in your face with a small chuckle.

You let out a few coughs and swatted away the smoke clouding your field of vision. When the cloud cleared, you were met with a red-faced Sero.

“I,,, Uh,,, I-I’m not sure why I did that….I’m so sorry.” Sero rambled on, trying anything he could in his power not to make eye contact with you.

You leaped at this cliche moment, pushing Sero back on his bed and straddling his waist. His hands instinctively landed on your hips. He looked up at you with wide eyes, unsure of what to do at this moment.

In a quick motion, you held the hand with the blunt in it behind you and leaned down to kiss Sero. The kiss left your body feeling weightless, your lips molding with his perfectly. His hands resting at your hips, giving them a light squeeze before his thumbs began to trace light circles on the skin over your shirt.

“‘Bout time you made a move Sero”, you said smirking down at him as you pulled away. “Hanta”, he corrected, “you’re mine now mi amor.”. Sero smiled and pushed himself up to place a light kiss on your forehead.

You let out a small chuckle, using your free hand to cup his face. “Then prove it…” you purred. The smirk on Seros face had you quivering with anticipation, a new wave of heat taking over your body.

Needless to say, the blunt was stamped out and you thanked every higher power in existence that no one found it odd that you were wearing Seros hoodie as the exchange in clothes between you two was common.

That night you came to the conclusion that it was tangerine and cinnamon, Sero smelled like tangerine and cinnamon. A scent that you would come to be addicted to.

If it wasn’t for the hoodie, the bakusquad would have for sure seen the many marks Sero had left on you so he could properly mark you as his.

When you came back from your flashback the rest of the group seemed to blur into the background as you focused on filling the blunt, eyes trained in on making everything even. In your peripheral vision, a certain raven-haired boy could be seen inching closer towards your face.

“Can I help you?” you said with a smirk, not looking up from your activities. “No, no, don’t mind me. Keep doing what you’re doing. You look so pretty when you’re rolling baby~”, Sero said in a low sing-song voice that only you could hear.

Your hand movements halted immediately and your eyes widened.

Sero hasn't called you anything like that in front of anyone??? You enjoyed hearing the pet name come from his mouth, yes, however, you two have yet to make your relationship public.

“Sero…”, you warned, “you cant be distracting me right now.” Sero seemed to pay no mind to your words, coming in closer and placing a hand on your thigh. “At this point, I don’t care, sweets, we’ve been dating for... what? 4 Months now?”

A hand grabbing your chin startled you. Sero moved your face so he could make direct eye contact with you, his thumb runs across your lower lip, “let them know.” The devilish smirk on Seros face made your stomach drop. “Come on, you know what to do”, He whispered. You nodded and took his thumb in your mouth. Sero nodded in appreciation and basked in the feeling of your tongue running around his finger.

He pulls his thumb out of your mouth when he hears Bakugou yelling. “I TOLD YOU SHITS I WASNT THE IMPOSTER”, you look over to see everyone look up from their phones, thankful that among us kept the bakusquad from seeing the previous encounter with you and Sero.

“That means its Kaminari or Sero then because I was in electrical.” Sero furrowed his eyebrows, “What, I was AFK- yall SAW me breaking up the weed” he yelled. Kaminari huffed, “You know its not me!! All of you SAW me do the med bay scan.”

You, having been killed off the first round watched as a smirk formed on Mina’s face, rolling your eyes at her obvious lies that Bakugou and Kirishima have seemed to buy due to the accusatory looks being thrown their way.

As the common ‘defeat’ sound rand out, you began to lick the paper of the blunt, your fingers working deliberately to make the best creation you can.

“Yeah!! Lick that shit baby. You look so good doing it. I know what else that mouth can do” Sero yelled, you flinched a little, unsure how the bakusquad would react but if Sero was being bold you might as well join.

A spitting sound was heard next to you as Bakugou whipped his head towards Sero. “BRO!!! DONT GET THE SHIT WET!” Kaminari yelled as he grabbed the open bag of weed that was nearly ruined by Bakugou’s spit.

“What the fuck did you just say?!” Bakugou yelled. “I think you heard me. I didn’t stutter. Plus I’m just praising my baby!”

“WOAH, WAIT! WHEN?!” Mina squealed.

“Sero got a date before me?!?!” Kaminari whined.

“You’re joking,” Kirishima said

You worked to silence the group, “First of all…” you started, “Sero.. you said that shit in front of my blunt bro...Disrespectful as FUCK. Second of all yes, we’re dating, we have been for 4 months.”

“5 on the 14th!” Sero continued as he placed a hand on your head, messing up your hair.

You laughed and shook him off, flattening out the hair Sero just ruined. “Yeah yeah…. Now give me a kisth” you said while looking over at Sero who happily obliged.

The kiss was quick but it left you weightless. Pulling away, Sero began to move you around. “What are you doing??” you said as you took another hit of the blunt. “You just sit here.” He said as he placed you between his legs, his arms coming to wrap around you, his chin resting on your head. “I want to hold my precious baby”

The softness in his voice would have the rest of the bakusquad thinking Sero was just trying to be cute and show affection. You would have thought the same thing if it wasn’t for the evident hard-on pressing into your back.

You smirked, an idea coming into your head. Passing the blunt to Bakugou, you placed both hands in your hoodie pocket. In one smooth movement, you gripped the left sleeve with your right hand and inched your left arm out of its cozy confinement.

Lightly dropping your arm to your side under the hoodie, you slipped your hand behind your back. Dropping your head back on Seros shoulder and turning your nose to graze it across his neck. “You keep quiet and maybe ill help you with your problem, yeah?” You whispered as you began to run your hand over the tent in his pants.

Seros breathing hitched, his grip on you tightening. He didn’t stop you however, the feeling of your fingertips grazing the skin above his pants and slowly dipping under his waistband had him intoxicated.

He just hoped he could follow your orders and keep quiet.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for Dating Bucky Barnes

Bucky Barnes x reader

warnings:

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “Headcanons for dating Bucky Barnes?”

you met bucky in 2014

at the smithsonian museum, actually

you stood beside him while reading the plaques of information

“so this is how it all started?”

*confused and disoriented bucky* “huh?”

“superheroes. well, ‘enhanced individuals,’ i guess. but each of the commandos were heroes on their own...”

that comment made bucky smile, he needed to hear that

you two wandered around the exhibit for a while, crossing paths a few more times

as you left, he opened the door for you and you got a peek of his face in brighter light, it looked familiar

“no way”

“i hope you’re not scared...”

“you don’t seem that threatening to me”

oddly enough, the two of you clicked

bucky was on the run, he told you at up front

but he stuck around for a few days, being so honest you would have thought he was on his death bed

his stories, at least the ones he remembered, they were upsetting to the both of you, but you could tell that wasnt him anymore

there wasn’t much for you in washington, anyways

so you ran with him, something he didn’t understand at first

“what do you see in me?”

“a man who deserves another chance”

you always knew how to cheer him up

even on the most challenging days

you and bucky travelled the world before finding a place bucky was comfortable living in

but your journey was a learning experience

bucky grew to trust you with every passing day

there were a handful of motel stays, some worse than others

“oh, god, there’s a rat in the shower!”

“i’ll handle it”

“‘handle it????????’”

you didn’t want to know anymore

you just hid underneath your pillow and waited to be able to shower

bucky was always the big spoon

he just wanted to keep you safe

that worried him the most

he thought he’d get you into some kind of mess

you cant count the amout of times he’d apologize and try to tell you that you shouldn’t be with him

and every time, you’d set your hands on his face, tracing his stubble with your thumbs and say:

“i chose to be with you, and i’m choosing to stay with you”

his metal arm was very intriguing to you

at first, you were worried he was sensitive about it, but one day he was shirtless on the bed and turned to you

“are you scared of me?”

“why would i be scared of you?”

“...does my arm make you uncomfortable?”

“uh, no. not at all...i just didn’t know if you would be upset about talking about it”

he just shook his head with his eyebrows raised high, guess it wasn’t off limits like you thought

you didn’t like the design, though

“i should paint over that star”

“go for it”

you also helped him clean it every once in a while

bucky runs his fingers through your hair and scratches you head with his real arm, you love it

and he loves how relaxed you get

in fact, you guys fell in love, it was an amazing feeling for both of you

you had to say it first

“i love you, bucky”

he picked you up and gave you a kiss afterwards

“god, i love you, too”

you’ve done his hair up a few times, it’s amusing

bucky gives you long kisses on the lips and tons of forehead/hand/shoulder kisses

and bucky’s not always serious, he’s has a sweet side that you bring out in him

he teases you a bit

he’s TALL and he plays keepaway like a big meanie

>:( “bUcKy!!!!”

“i’ll hand it over if you give me a kiss”

you guys moved to romania together in that cozy little apartment

and things were good for you guys

you guys worked, went to the market, every once in a while you had dates...you were really happy

he bought some cookbooks and surprised you with dinner after a long day at work

“i hope you like it, it was a nightmare to make”

“psssh, it smells great, i bet i’ll love it”

cuddling is his favorite

he needs affection

sm of it

but he doesn’t ask for it

*one exception, he pulls you onto his lap

you guys share a shitty, creaky mattress that drives you crazy

like sitting on it and it goes *squuuueaaak*

and, obviously, given the circumstances, bucky trained you in self defense. he wanted to make sure you could save yourself if he wasn’t there for you

the two of you led a simple little life for a while

until you walked into your apartment and saw the silhouette of a large man that was not your boyfriend

you dropped everything as he came out of the shadow

“i’m sorry to startle you, you must be bucky’s s/o. i’m steve rogers, bucky’s in trouble”

your heart was racing

you called bucky but he wouldn’t answer you

but he got home and found you packing each of your things

“there’s no time, y/n, we have to go”

you weren’t like them, you couldn’t fight armed soldiers or jump out of windows or run with cars

so one of captain america’s teammates picked you up, falcon

you all ended up getting apprehended anyways

you were questioned for a brief amount of time, but as soon as the power went out you were able to run

until you saw the winter soldier, that wasn’t bucky

steve made sure you kept away, he knew that if bucky hurt you he would never forgive himself

but again, sam got you out of there while steve got bucky

and once bucky snapped out of it, he remembered his entire past, you’d be learning about a whole new side after this

listen, bucky was terrified during this

if it was just him, he would have a clear mind and go on, but now you were all fugitives and he was mad that he dragged you into this

“please stop blaming yourself, bucky. you know that this is still my choice to stand by your side”

“i know, i just dont want to lose you”

“then stop trying to push me away, i need you and you need me”

steve pulled you aside when he got the chance to tell you:

“im glad he found you, thank you for staying by his side”

you sat in the back of the volkswagen with bucky, clutching onto his hand

“it’s gonna be okay, steve told me you can trust sharon”

yes, you had to stay with sharon during this, she was breaking a lot of rules

“so, did you know he was the winter soldier when you met him?”

“yeah, but he was a good man, too. i focused on that”

“that’s good, that’s really good”

after the “civil war,” you were granted a safe haven in wakanda with bucky, so you and bucky moved there

it was a lot more peaceful than the past few years

bucky told you all about his childhood up until his “death”

he had gotten apart of himself back, it was another part of him to fall in love with

you got to dance with him to some of his favorite songs, it made you feel wonderful

and you got some more training time in wakanda, you never knew when you’d need to kick some ass

and then the day came when the two of you had to fight for your lives and HOLY shit he was losing his mind but he couldn’t stop you from fighting in this one

“y/n, are you sure you want to do this?”

“absolutely. i love you, you big lug. don’t forget it”

“i love you, too. i’ll be out there if you need me”

cap kept an eye on you

but you saved a few people’s asses

before you looked into the eyes of thanos

when he snapped, you watched bucky fade away

and you fell to your knees

and cried, for days you cried

steve and you were heartbroken, it had been 4 years with bucky, now you were alone

you were determined to get him back

but it seemed like there was no chance

so you gave up, stayed at the avengers compound instead, trained like hell with black widow and anyone else who’d have you

five years went by and you were a badass

and you got the second chance you needed, the avengers reunited

“y/n, are you up for this?”

“i’d do anything to get him back”

and after hard work and tragedy, you brought him back

you all did

you were reunited with him and he was surprised to see you kicking ass on the battlefield

“y/n? is that you?”

“bucky! oh, my god. i’ve been waiting five years for this”

he gave you a huge hug and studied your hardened face, there was much to catch up on

“i’m sorry i wasn’t there”

“it wasn’t your fault”

you and your boyfriend kicked alien ass for all you had left, this was your last chance to make it right, all or nothing

you were relieved once it was all over

you actually watched the sunset with bucky while you patched up your wounds

“i’m glad you’re okay, y/n. i don’t know what i’d do without you”

“bucky...i was lost without you these past few years...i just can’t believe i’m here with you again”

“well, i’m not going anywhere anytime soon”

he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and the two of you took in your gift of a well-deserved peaceful moment

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartlisbeth // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl

[crash-cinematic-universe]

Holographic Sand is a Kickass Band Name

pairing: peter maximoff/OC(graciella decuerpo) (high school AU/not canon)

summary: peter learns that a fuckton can change in the course of a week

warnings: none? bad language and peter is simp but thats it

notes **please read**: Heyyyyy how are you doing? good? that’s great. so ik this fic is a peter/oc fic, but honesty i only use her name a few times and a few defining features but like. thats it. so you can totally just imagine urself in her position. also this fic is 5,550 words exactly. that’s the most ive ever written and I am SUPER fucking proud. I think i might become one of those blogs where i write super huge monster fics that im proud of instead of just writing to fill requests.if u dont want that then just lmk and i will not do that. i dont know. maybe. also this fic is peter centric because uh it is. anyways enjoy <3

taglist: @creator-appreciator, @simonsbluee

--------

Monday

           Peter sat across the room, his arms crossed neatly on top of his knees as he rested his chin on his forearm. He wasn’t paying attention to the lesson being taught in front of him, in fact, he wasn’t paying attention to anything at all. No, Peter was lost in his head again. Peter’s mind was a chaotic minefield of music and cheesy one-liners and random facts that he seems to just know. But this time, he wasn’t envisioning himself beating up a police officer or playing with Pink Floyd. This time, he was picturing a perfect world where nothing ever happened yet nothing was ever boring. Peter had built a utopia in his mind-- a kingdom created to his exact preferences. A blissful tower of joy and happiness and energy and satisfaction. A paradise where he stood on top of the world with Graciella DeCuerpo, the pretty girl from algebra  class, standing right next to him.

          Now, Peter was well aware that the pretty girl from algebra  class had no idea who Peter was. The pair had never exchanged more than a few words, but somewhere within those few words, Peter managed to decide that she was his soulmate. He’d created an image of her in his head that would make God weep tears of envy, the perfect personality for the perfect person.  Peter willfully ignored the fact that he was setting himself up for heartbreak as he imagined how nice it would feel to have her fingers intertwined with his. 

           All of Peter’s friends thought he was ridiculous, ‘you can’t love someone you don’t know,’ they’d say. Peter would only scoff and shake away their words. He absolutely can love someone he doesn’t know, it’s getting the other person to reciprocate those feelings that’s nearly impossible. However, that doesn’t stop him from fantasizing at night. That doesn’t stop him from imagining the various ways he’d confess his love to the pretty girl who doesn’t love him. Or maybe she does. Peter doesn’t know, he could never know; unless, of course, he worked up the courage to talk to her. 

          Scott constantly teased Peter about his one-sided infatuation, but Peter paid no mind to him. He was 100% content with his perpetual pining for someone who probably didn’t know his name. He was totally okay with the unending ache in his chest that would appear any time she walked by or met his gaze. Peter was alright with his ceaseless yearning and the eternal feeling of disappointment that overtook him every time he snapped out of one of his fantasies. He was a-okay with all of that.

          So, there he was, spacing out during biology class as Professor Hargreeves struggles to teach the silver teen about photosynthesis. The Professor looked at Peter with desperate eyes, soon deciding that having his usually energetic student be quiet and still was the silver lining of the situation-- no pun intended. Professor Hargreeves droned on as Peter glanced at the clock, counting down the minutes until 7th period. Counting the seconds until he got to see the pretty girl in algebra  class once again.

Tuesday

          6th period was always the worst part of Peter’s day-- the dreaded english class. There were many contributing factors to Peter’s hatred for this class; the professor was a bore, the material itself was uninteresting, and Peter could never seem to sit still or retain any of the words he read in english class. Worst of all, english class seemed to go on forever, leaving Peter to impatiently wait for the bell to ring and release him to 7th period. At the end of the period every day, he was practically vibrating in his seat. 

          “Can anyone tell me what Juliet’s suicide is supposed to symbolize?” the Professor asked expectantly. Peter couldn’t care less about the symbolism of some chick’s suicide-- he’d much rather be studying the features of his algebra  class infatuation. 

          She sat next to him yesterday. There were at least 5 other open seats and she sat next to him. Yes, Peter read too much into it and yes, Peter spent the entire class period trying to make himself seem naturally cool, but he didn’t care. Peter would act like the most desperate, pathetic, lovestruck loser in the world if it meant that she would like him. They didn’t talk, they didn’t exchange a single word, nevertheless, Peter was in a state of euphoria for the entire class period. 

          Sometimes Peter feels like a stalker. He watches her whenever he can-- he doesn’t follow her around or anything, but if she’s around, he’ll stare at her. He has her features memorized, the curve of her nose, the dark brown irises surrounding her pupils, the way that she always seems to have chipped black nail polish on. He sees the small things. He sees the way she bites her nails when he gets bored and he sees the way her leg never seems to stop bouncing. She hums the basslines to songs as opposed to the melody. 

          English class came to an abrupt end as the bell cut off the Professor’s teachings as well as Peter’s distant daydreaming. Peter was out of his seat within seconds, his notes and books quickly being swept up in his arms as he walked out of the room. The hallways are crowded and chaotic and busy, each individual student attempting to get to their locker then to their class on time. Peter watches as kids swing their lockers open, fatigue and weariness apparent on their faces as they disappear into their classrooms. Peter reaches his locker hastily, the few small posters of classic rocks bands adorning the inside of his locker door. A playful giddiness overcame his body as he made his way to algebra  class, a small smile left on his face.

          Graciella shows up across the hallway, her bright red hair catching his eye in a sea of brown and blonde and blue. His stomach flutters as they get closer and closer to each other, finally meeting outside of the classroom. Her eyes rise to meet Peter’s, and instead of pulling away, Peter keeps looking. She smiles at him before disappearing inside the classroom, and Peter felt his knees get weak. With a deep breath and a triumphant smile, he walked into the classroom.

Wednesday

          Lunchtime; possibly one of the most enjoyable parts of Peter’s school day. Peter is free to kick back and stuff his face full of whatever junk the school board deems nutritious enough for highschoolers. Usually, he ate lunch under the bleachers with his friends, but in some sick twist of fate most of them were absent. So, Peter was left to eat alone in his usual spot.

          The quiet was comfortable, refreshing. The gentle summer breeze would blow every few minutes and Peter would listen to the rustle of the leaves. There’s a certain tranquility to being alone; Peter can lay back and relax and just… think. No stress, no panicking, no--

          “Hey, uh, Peter, right?” Peter’s eyes snap up so fast he’s afraid they would detach from his head and fall out. His breath faltered and his hands began to shake a bit-- why was he so freaked out? She was just a girl; sure, she was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, and yeah, he was madly in love with her, but that’s besides the point. 

          “Uh-- uh, yeah, P-Peter. That’s, uh, that’s me,” He chuckled awkwardly, desperately trying to stay cool. Peter was an awkward person, but he’d rather die than fuck up his chances with Grace.

          “You dropped this on your way out of class yesterday, I, uhm, didn’t get to return it to you until now,” She holds out a small key chain with three small keys hanging off of it-- Peter’s house keys, along with the key to his mother’s car. He quickly takes the key chain from the red-haired girl in front of him.

          “Holy shit, uh, thanks! I couldn’t get into my house yesterday so I guess you saved me from another broken window,” Peter held up his hand and showcased the scattered pattern of small cuts on his palm. Grace laughed lightly before gently running her fingers over the cuts on Peter’s palm.

          “Oh fuck, dude, these look pretty bad. Maybe keep a spare key hidden under your welcome mat or something,” Peter doesn’t fully process Grace’s words; he’s too preoccupied with trying not to collapse at the feeling of her fingertips on his palm.

          “Hey, you okay? You look… pale,” Grace pressed the back of her hand on Peter’s forehead in an attempt to check for illness, but that just made Peter’s skin erupt in goosebumps. 

          “I, um, I’m fine. I’m just st-stressed about the algebra  t-test on Friday, I th-think,” To be fair, Peter was stressed about the algebra  test. Peter may or may not have spent the entire class staring at Grace instead of, you know, learning the material.

          “Oh! Well, if you want, I can help you study. I’m also kinda worried about it, and I study better with other people,” Peter silently thanked god for what was happening to him.

          “That would be fuckin’ fantastic,” Grace smiled a smile that made Peter shiver.

          “Cool! Uh, I’ll give you my phone number and we’ll meet up tomorrow. One day isn’t much time to study, but it’s better than nothing.” She pulls a pen out of her backpack and rips a small piece of paper out of one of her notebooks. Peter watches as she scribbles down her phone number and hands the paper to him.

          “Thanks. For everything, the keys, the studying-- everything.” Grace smiled.

          “It’s no problem, Peter, really. I’ll call you later,” And just like that, she walked away. Peter was left alone under the bleachers, a wide smile plastered on his face as he read the piece of paper in his hands over and over and over again.

Thursday

          30 minutes. 30 minutes until Grace Reaper DeCuerpo, the prettiest, nicest, funniest girl Peter had ever met would show up on his doorstep. She would be inside his house for god knows how long. She would sit next to Peter-- either on the coffee table in the basement or on the floor of his bedroom. Needless to say, Peter was freaking the fuck out.

          The plan was simple: Grace shows up, they study, they get comfortable, and she goes home. Yet, in those four simple steps, so much could go wrong. Wanda could interrupt, his mother could lose her temper, Lorena could start crying-- worst of all, Peter could embarrass himself and drive her away. 

           Peter was in the middle of reorganizing his record collection for a third time when he heard a knock at the door. His blood went cold and an electric excitement ran through his veins. Peter checked his hair in the mirror one last time before running to the door. He stood silently, staring at the chrome handle hesitantly. This was his one chance. His only chance to make his perfect kingdom real-- Peter really, really, really didn't want to fuck it up. With a deep breath, he slowly opened the door.

          "Hey, Peter!" Her voice was smooth and melodic and it made Peter's heart light up. He’s about to respond with something smooth and witty when a squeaky voice chirps behind him.

         “Hi!! Are you the pretty girl Peter talks about?” Peter can physically feel his face turn bright red as he turns to see his six-year-old sister, Lorena, standing behind him. She’s wearing a purple princess dress that has a syrup stain on the sleeve. Grace laughs before stepping through the doorway. 

          “Lorena!” Peter groans in annoyance, a pleading look on his face. The young girl just giggles before scurrying away, her dress flowing behind her.

          “‘The pretty girl Peter talks about’, huh?” Grace grins at Peter cheekily. Peter runs his hand through his hair before motioning to the staircase.

          “God, Lorna is quite the kid. Well, uh, we can work in my room,” He sighs. “And Grace? Uh, m-maybe don’t let Lorena change your opinion of me,” She just smirks before walking past Peter.

          “Too late,” She called before disappearing down the stairs. Peter could hear the faintest trace of a smile in her voice. His heart skipped a beat as he quickly followed after her. 

          She was wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt and holding a backpack with various pins on it-- her left ear was pierced in three places and her right in five. The earrings she was wearing were black, or maybe grey; her bright red hair blocked Peter’s view of them. She was wearing rings, some odd words engraved in the metal. Peter couldn’t read them from where he was standing. She was wearing a skirt with fishnets, her hand buried in the pockets that seem to have been sewn in herself. She has callouses on both her hands, but Peter knew that already. Her appearance would put Aphrodite to shame-- suddenly, Peter was much less confident in himself than he was before. He ran his hand through his hair again before reaching the basement.

          He held his breath as Grace looked around his room, her gaze lingering on the plethora of stolen signs and band posters covering the walls. She placed her backpack on the floor and walked over to Peter’s record collection, her fingers carefully flitting through the different albums. She seemed… impressed. It was then that Peter realized it had been silent for much too long.

          “Y’know I can, uh, p-play some music if you want me to. You can just pick a record and, uh, I’ll... play it,” Peter winced at his words, cursing himself for being so awkward in front of the girl he’d been pining after since the beginning of the year. He felt like everything had spiraled out of control, and he watched idly as it happened. Then, Grace shot him a smile and pulled out a record.

          “You have a good taste in music, Silver,” No one had ever called Peter ‘silver’ before. He liked it a bit more than he should. “Although, that’s not really a surprise. I had a feeling you were cool.” 

          “You think I’m cool?” Peter asked, shocked. He wasn’t sure he heard her correctly.

          “Oh, totally. I see you in the hallways sometimes and you always seem so… carefree. Genuine. I don’t know, I guess it’s just… you, ya know? You’re naturally cool.” Every syllable that rolled off her tongue shot euphoria through Peter’s veins. Grace DeCuerpo, the girl Peter Maximoff had dreamed of for almost a full year, was telling him that she thought he was cool. Naturally cool. 

          “I know a lot of people who would disagree with you on that one,” Peter joked. There was truth behind his humor, but of course, he didn’t want to get into his insecurities now. “They think I’m a total loser, which isn’t totally wrong I guess.”

          “Well those people are stupid,” She stated matter-of-factly with a smile. “Speaking of stupid, we should probably get to work.” Peter nodded before sitting beside her on the floor. 

          For three hours they poured over their algebra  books. They quizzed each other and checked each other’s work; Peter’s proficiency in simplifying radicals aiding them both. Every now and then their hands would brush against each other, or the conversation would stray away from school and into their personal lives. Peter learned that Grace had two brothers, one of which passed away when she was younger. Peter talked about Lorena and Wanda and his miraculous abilities in the same way that she talked about her hometown and her own abilities. The conversation was smooth and natural-- Peter didn’t feel like he was being too annoying or too chatty and there was seldom an awkward pause. The pair were content in their time together, not a single moment went by where one wished the other would leave. 

          Eventually, Grace had to go home. Peter wished that she could stay forever, but of course, that would be considered kidnapping. He walked her to the door, although Peter didn’t feel like he was walking. He felt like he was floating.

          “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, Silver,” Grace said softly as she turned to face Peter. She looked him in the eye and he could feel his stomach flutter. 

          “Yeah, I guess so,” She opened the door, but before she left, she froze. She turned to look at Peter once again. 

          “Peter?” she said. “You’re not a loser.”

Friday

          Peter could tell the second he walked through the front door of his high school that something had changed. The energy that radiated in the halls shifted from a dull buzz of boredom to a rush of anticipation. The students in the hallway looked the same as always; tired and anxious and wishing for the day to go by quickly. However, Peter wasn’t wishing for the end of the day, and he certainly wasn’t tired. He was determined and energized and absolutely terrified, because that morning Peter Maximoff made the most important decision a seventeen-year-old could. He decided that he was going to ask Grace out on a date. 

          Peter made the choice to keep this from his friends-- it’s not that he didn’t trust them, it’s just that Peter knew he would be teased for his infatuation. It’s happened before and it will happen again. He walked down the hallways with a brave face on, his eyes forward and his heart racing. Truthfully, the silver teenager was terrified of… well, everything. The looming image of a harsh rejection forced itself into his mind; the idea that she would laugh in his face made his heart break a tiny bit, even though it wasn’t real. Peter simply shook those images away and walked on. 

          The day flew by much faster than Peter was comfortable with, and for the first time ever, he was dreading algebra  class. He was terrified that he would walk through the door and have everything be exactly the same-- he feared that Grace would go back to not knowing who he was, just like before. Peter was alright with never being her boyfriend, but he didn’t want to be a stranger. He didn’t think he could take being a stranger anymore. 

            So, there he stood, staring at the door to his algebra classroom from across the hall. He felt confident and prepared himself for the task at hand. In four long strides, he entered the classroom. Grace was sitting next to an empty desk, her eyes stuck on the small notebook full of doodles on her desk. Peter watched as her eyes raised to meet his, a wide smile forming on her face as she motioned him over. 

          “Hey, silver! I saved a seat for ya,” she called, and Peter felt his knees get weak. He then decided that he would wait until after class to ask her out. 

          “You did?”

          “Of course,” She grinned. “I like you, dude, you’re my friend,” Peter’s heart fluttered as he sat down beside her. Grace shot an odd look his way before reaching out and placing a hand on his arm. “Hey, you look stressed. Don’t sweat it, silver, you’ll do fine. We studied for, like, 3 hours yesterday. You’re gonna ace it,”

          To be frank, Peter had forgotten all about the test. The real reason he looked so stressed was because he happened to be sitting next to the love of his life, and the love of his life happened to be touching his arm. 

          “O-oh! Uh, yeah, thanks. I was just nervous because of… the test,” The bell rang and class began, the professor strictly laying down the rules that were to be followed while the test was in session. Peter could feel the lingering touch of her hand on his skin. It made his head feel fuzzy.

          Peter soon came to learn that sitting next to Grace during a test was a huge mistake. He couldn’t focus on anything other than her-- it didn’t help that she kept shooting him glances from where she sat. The numbers and letters on the paper in front of him seemed to rearrange before his eyes, instead spelling out various taunts. He feels a little pathetic for how easily Grace can unravel him, but hey, he’s a teenager. 

          The silver-haired boy’s eyes were struggling to decipher the words on his page when a small folded square landed on his desk. It came from Grace’s direction, and a small smirk had formed on her lips as she solved equations. Hesitantly, he unfolded the paper and read the neatly written message.

          Hey silver :)

          Peter smiled softly. He quickly pulled a pad of post-it notes out of his backpack and scribbled down a quick reply.

          I have no idea what I’m doing. I think Professor Stedman decided to write our tests in hieroglyphics this time.

          He flicked the note onto her desk and quickly turned his face downward. Class would be over soon, and Peter knew he couldn’t turn in a blank test. He uses his enhanced speed to do his assessment in seconds. Sure, he was almost certain he’d barely reach a passing grade, but hey, he had bigger matters to focus on. By the time he finished, another note landed on his desk.

          That bad, huh? Looks like we better study longer next time. 

          Peter’s heart swelled a bit. He really thought the study sessions were a one-time thing. He’s overjoyed to know he’ll get to see Grace semi-regularly, even if he never manages to ask her out.

          I think I’d rather hang out with you without the looming threat of schoolwork. 

          That’s the closest Peter could get to asking her out. He put deep thought into every word, he examined the phrasing and checked the spelling of every word. His english teacher would be proud.

          That can be arranged ;) 

          Peter had no idea that four words could make him feel so much. He had no idea that 17 letters could make him want to scream in the middle of a silent testing period. His hand was shaking and his careful planning was abandoned as he scribbled back a reply.

          Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?

          Patiently, he waited. He waited for Grace to finish writing her response and he waited for her to toss the note back over. He didn’t wait for more than a few minutes, but it felt like hours. He was panicking, and he was sure she could tell. She was probably joking, right? She was probably writing an awkward clarification-- she was probably explaining that she would actually rather die than be around him for non-academic reasons. He braced himself as the yellow post-it landed on the center of his desk.

          My aunt owns a drive-in a few miles from here and she gave me keys to the projector room and the gate. She managed to snag a copy of The Exorcist-- I thought you’d like to join me during my midnight escapade tomorrow night.

          Peter’s heart stopped. For a moment, he thought his eyes were fooling him. Maybe this was all some sick joke. Maybe he was being set up. Maybe he’ll get in her car tomorrow and she’ll drive him into the woods and murder him. To be completely honest, Peter wouldn’t mind if she murdered him. Peter wrote his reply.

          Really? You want me there? I might be a drag. You could probably find at least 20 other people who would probably be more interesting than me.

          Grace frowned at his response, and suddenly Peter decided he never wanted to see her frown again. She wrote confidently, her words solid and sure.

          You? A drag? Impossible. I don’t want to be alone, and I don’t want to be with anyone other than you, Maximoff. 

          This note was his undoing. He couldn’t help himself, he read it over and over and over again-- he almost forgot to respond. He wanted to hold onto it forever, he wanted it to be framed and hung on his wall. Hell, he wanted it tattooed on his arm. Peter had never been so happy while taking a test, that’s for sure. He wasn’t sure exactly what to say; he went from heartfelt responses to witty retorts. Finally, he decided to be totally and completely honest.

          I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Saturday 

          There was seldom a time in his life where Peter Maximoff felt wholly content. Even in the most peaceful moments, there was always something bothering him, there was always something to pull him back to reality. However, sitting in the back of Grace’s dad’s convertible with the seats down and the roof pulled back, his head resting on her shoulder as they watched a cheesy horror movie, Peter was as close to nirvana as he’d ever been. 

          Life had always been so hard for Peter. He’s always had to fight for his seat at the table, to claw his way into a state of mind that wasn’t a hellhole. It seemed as if the world was plotted against him; he was ostracized from society and taught that he, along with his closest family and friends, were monsters. He never met his father and his mother spent so long fighting her own battles that she forgot to love her kids. Peter had to steal to stay fed, and he had to do his best to raise his little sisters to be good people. But right there, right then? That wasn’t hard. Peter didn’t have to be anyone or do anything-- he just had to exist next to someone who wanted him. That was the easiest thing Peter had ever done.

          Peter wasn’t exactly sure how he got there. Of course, he knew that they had driven to the drive-in, but he wasn’t sure how he was the person next to Grace. They had spoken for one day, maybe two, and somehow he landed himself in the most perfect spot in the entire universe. Less than a week ago, she didn’t even know his name. Or, maybe she did. Maybe she was just like Peter-- maybe she had spent the past year pining for him, and finally she worked up the nerve to just talk to him. Maybe. Peter isn’t complaining either way.

          “Can I ask you a kind of cheesy question?” Peter is startled by the sound of his own voice. Grace sits up and glances at him.

          “Shoot,”

          “Do you-- well, uh, don’t read too much into this, but, do you believe in love at first sight?” God, he sounded awkward. 

          “Nope,” She said bluntly. Peter wasn’t expecting that answer, but he wasn’t exactly disappointed by it. “I mean, it’s kind of a stupid idea, ya know? Like, isn’t there a million poems and sonnets and books written about how love is this weird complicated monster of a feeling? I don’t think you can really love someone just by looking at them. You can love the idea of a person, sure, or maybe the look of a person, but you can’t love that person. Because a person is so much more than ‘first sight’,” she sighs. “I don’t know, maybe I’m being a killjoy. It just seems dumb to me-- dumb and, I don’t know, exclusive,”

          Peter stops to think for a moment. He steps out of his lovesick chaotic hellbrain and looks at his feelings from an outside perspective. He thinks back to the kingdom he created in his brain-- a kingdom built on a foundation of sand. Or, less than sand. Holographic sand, because the sand he built his kingdom on wasn’t real. He made a mental note that ‘Holographic Sand’ is a kickass band name, then resumed his impromptu soul-searching. She was right-- he could see  that now. Scott was right, too. You really can’t love someone you don’t know, because if you don’t know them, you fill in the gaps. You fill in the gaps with what you think fits, and then the other person stops being them and starts being parts of you. Peter suddenly felt weird.

          “I’m sorry if I said something wrong,” Grace interjects after a while. Peter hadn’t realized he’d been silent for so long.

          “You didn’t say anything wrong. On the contrary, you, uh, you made things a little bit more… right, in my brain. You somehow managed to take a little chunk of chaos and tame it, which is scarily impressive,” he joked. “Remind me to ask you your opinion on the meaning of life and the root of true happiness,” They’re joined in a chorus of laughter and Peter realizes that his little brain kingdom didn’t hold a candle to the red convertible he was sitting in. She slings an arm around his shoulders.

          “Y’know, I might not know the meaning of life, but I am pretty close to true happiness right now,” She says, softer than before. “Maybe the root of true happiness is you, Maximoff,” She chuckles. Peter smiles. He doesn’t want the ruin the moment-- god, he is desperately trying to keep himself from fucking it up, but he feels obligated to tell her about his year of pining.

          “Hey, uh, can I tell you something kinda pathetic?” He cringes at the way his voice trembled on the last word. 

          “Go ahead, Peter,” She used his name this time. Peter thinks she knows he’s about to say something mildly serious.

          “I’ve liked you since, like, the beginning of the year. You seemed so… cool. So nice. I saw you in the hallways and my stomach would get all twisted up and my head would hurt a little bit. It was like I was allergic to you, but I enjoyed it. That sounds weird. I’m sorry,” He stopped for a moment, attempting to take the buzzing mass of words in his brain and string them into a sentence. “I was too afraid to talk to you, so I, uh, asked around. I got other people’s opinions of you and then built a little version of you in my brain. I realize now that, uhm, the little brain version of you is like, way way worse than actual you,”

          When you talked to me the first time, you threw me off. I wasn’t really nervous about the test-- I mean, yeah I was nervous but that’s not why I looked so pale. I just wasn’t expecting for you to talk to me, like, willingly. So I lied because I was embarrassed. And I lied again in class yesterday. Because I was embarrassed,” He stopped talking. Peter felt like he was digging himself into a hole-- he felt like he killed the sweet sugary mood. 

          “Why are you telling me this?” Grace asked. She didn’t sound angry. She sounded a little confused, and she sounded like she was trying to help Peter decipher his brain. 

          “I don’t know, I guess I just feel bad. I feel bad for, uh, for not being honest I guess. I feel bad for being a coward,” Yep, definitely killed the mood.

          “Peter, you shouldn’t feel bad for being afraid, you know,” She assures. “I would’ve done the exact same thing in your position. Hell, I did do the exact same thing in your position,” That caught Peter’s attention.

          “What?”

          “You didn’t drop your keys in algebra. You dropped them somewhere in bio and my friend found them. She was gonna take them to the office, but I wanted an excuse to talk to you, so I said I’d return them,” Peter couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was being pranked, he had to be. “Being awkward and weird is like a requirement in high school. Don’t sweat it, Maximoff, really. We’re all the same in that way, I think,”

          Peter felt a wave of relief wash over him. He was feeling too much at that moment, he was letting the bad drown out the good. He didn’t want to remember the day in a sad light.

          “I like you. A lot. Even if you are awkward and weird,” He smiles softly. Slowly, ever so slowly, he intertwined his fingers with those of the girl beside him. It was a simple display of affection, but it made Peter feel like he was floating.

          “I like you too, dork,” Peter smiled widely before placing his head back on Grace’s shoulder. Peter wasn’t paying attention to the movie, in fact, he wasn’t paying attention to anything at all. No, Peter was lost in his head again-- but this time, he wasn’t standing on a false kingdom with a false version of the girl he liked. No, this time, he was thinking about the very real girl beside him. He was thinking about the perfect world they had created in the small car they were in; a perfect world where he felt so much emotion and so, so safe. They had built a utopia in the back seat- a blissful tower of awkwardness and comfort and clumsy confessions. A paradise where he sat in the back seat of a Ford Galaxie with Graciella DeCuerpo, the pretty girl from algebra class, sitting right next to him. 

[vagarius]

misukazu 21

(if you saw me fuck up the other one no you didnt)

EDIT I THINK THIS ONE GOT A LITTLE FUCKED UP TOO BUT IT’S... READABLE...

questions from this post, and answers originally written for this thread!!

If you had to change the pairing’s very first meeting, how would you change it?    their canon first meeting is already so good SHDGFLJASHG but if i had to choose a different one that's still within the context of mankai... meeting as kids and losing touch and coming back together completely different at mankai

What song fits your pairing the most?    uhhHHhhHHH i don't have a real answer but i do have a partial playlist for one of my misukazu aus and the only two songs in it are furaregai girl by sayuri and champagne's for celebrating by mayday parade and i feel like that says enough sldhgalsdhfalsh

What is your favorite AU/prompt idea/trope for your pairing?     ALL MISUKAZU AUS ARE GOOD but. i really love any au where their first meeting is in the future and both are still kind of lost but they're Older and it's hard to let themselves fall into the easy trust they find in canon. i just think that'd be neat.

Do you prefer canon ideas or do you have your own headcanons for them?     I'VE SAID THIS MANY TIMES BUT CANON MISUKAZU GIVES OFF MADE FOR EACH OTHER VIBES AND USUALLY I DON'T VIBE WITH THAT BUT THEY REALLY ARE WHAT THE OTHER NEEDS... AND I THINK EVEN IF THEY HAD TO PART THEY'D STILL BE ABLE TO BE BETTER PEOPLE BC THEY HAD MET

Favorite canon moment of them?     THERE ARE SO MANY but the one that immediately comes to mind is misumi carrying drunk kazu to bed (latest bday line) because drunk kazu is so soft and it implies that misumi wanted to wish happy birthday to kazu pretty late... what did he want to give him...

Least favorite canon moment of them?     hmm... there's not really one i can think of??? IM SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY I LOVE ALL THEIR CANON MOMENTS

Favorite headcanon trope/idea? (Your own or someone else’s)    this is somehow both vague and very specific but i think misukazu gives off this vibe: He's beautiful. I can't tell him. or "Kazu is always beautiful~" Don't call me that, Kazu thinks. I'm not. so... insecurities i guess ????? AJSHAJJD

Favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics?     THIS IS GOING TO SOUND SO CHEESY but i love how /real/ they allow themselves to be around each other. misukazu at their best is when one thinks "you're you. and i love that you" and the other knows this. i just. THEY VALIDATE THE OTHER SO MUCH CRIES

Least favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics? (Can be headcannon)     this isn't a "least fav" so much as "it makes me sad" but if either of them showed any sign of not being interested anymore the other is more likely to give up then push anything. sort of like "it was bound to happen, so i'll enjoy now until they drop me" or EVEN WORSE they think the other would be better off without them and pushes them away. so yeah the fact i can see one of these happening makes me sad.

If they aren’t a canon pairing, how would you get them together?     they give off "everyone knows we're dating but us" energy but at the same time i feel like they'd acknowledge there's something and just not define it bc a) they don't need to (misumi) or b) they're too nervous to (kazu). in other words i think one day they are holding hands and misumi says "kazu? is this dating?" and kazu holds his breath before asking "do you want it to be?"

If you had to take them and plunk them into another fandom, what fandom would that be? Why?     i think theyd be hilarious in any sports animanga (kazu is manager tho bc noodle arms but maybe they bond when misumi walks him through some of his usual training menu one night - ahem. anyway) BUT ALSO horimiya au...

How hard is it write/draw your pairing? Scale of 1-10.     AJDHAJDHSF I REALLY LOVE THEM SO IT COMES PRETTY EASILY... but sometimes you try to put them in tropes and realize they would Just Not Work Like That. idk where i'm going with this. but yeah. anyway 3 for sankaku.

Is there a pairing that you think rivals them?     in terms of what i ship, i tend to ship kazu and misumi individually with a lot of dif charas AJDHAKD. but in terms of like... in-universe "rival" pairings: kazu side: tsuzukazu (maybe, lbr it would take them 273924 yrs to actually get together), kazu x someone from winter (i... have my reasons but they'd take longer than what this answer entails) misumi side: ... surprisingly none that i can think of ahdjahd

Which character of the pairing do you like more? (Would you ever pair yourself with them?)     you know that tweet that's like "sometimes a ship is just your two favs"? yeah that's misukazu for me. but if i had to choose... misumi AJDHAJHDSF I HONESTLY WASNT THAT INTO YUME UNTIL THESE TWO CAME AROUND (NOT COUNTING 707)... but yeah if they wanted to hold me in their arms i wouldn't oppose

Which character of your pairing would be the one to break up with the other? Why?     OOOOOH BOY well. i think it could be either of them. i don't think they'd break up for lack of love but too much love and wanting the other to be happy and thinking that the only way to give them that is to let them go. so i guess the question is which of them would be more likely to be selfish and hold on. thinking this way, i think misumi would be more likely to break-up, bc kazu has lots of friends who are better than him!! and misumi is more ready to leave if he thinks he needs to than kazu is. now im sad.

Are they relatable as characters or as a pairing?     THE NUMBER OF TIMES I'VE BEEN CALLED KAZU KIN... in all seriousness kazu's struggles with speaking out and (shinobi spoilers) his uncertainty over his future hit real close to home... while i don't relate as much as misumi, his struggles always manage to tear my heart into pieces... ((oversharing alert) i guess what really separates me from misumi is his struggle with his desire to connect with family who has treated him poorly... whereas im more "lol fuck you") tldr i relate to kazu slightly more LOL

Did you once/ever dislike one/both of them?     i never disliked them but i was NOT expecting either of them to shoot up so quickly into my favs list ahdjahdjf. also i started shipping them Immediately After reading summer main story so there's that

On an estimate, how many posts have you made about them?    as of september 28th 2020 i make up 11/78 fics on ao3 in the romantic misukazu tag and 2/12 in the platonic one. i may have brainrot.

What made you decide to ship them?     TBH I FINISHED THE MAIN STORY AND WENT "OH MY GOD... THAT'S MY SHIP" but now that i'm here i continue to ship them because they have the potential to bring out both the best and the worst in each other and i'm all about that

Favorite genre for them? (Angst, fluff, etc.)     angst. i just. angst hurt/comfort all the way. im so sorry babies.

lol you thought there would just be 21 ANYWAY EXTRA 1: how do they spend breaks/vacation?    they'd travel a lot when they're older!! kazunari loves to travel and misumi would follow kazunari anywhere (also, new triangles!!) so they go somewhere new whenever they have the time. however i think eventually one or both of their future careers will take them anywhere and everywhere anyway, so their "ideal vacation" might turn into an evening in, cuddling and catching up (as if they didn't already send play-by-play updates over the phone of whatever they did during the day)

EXTRA 2: first date?     i don't they ever have an explicit first date, but if asked they'll cite the time they had a picnic in the park turned triangle hunt turned accidental dip in the duck pond. at least, kazunari will. misumi just tilts his head and wonders what you mean.

EXTRA 3: gifts?     IM FEELING REALLY CHEESY SO I'M MAKING THIS ABOUT ANNIVERSARY GIFTS they both end up getting each other jewelry (although kazu was really really nervous bc he wasn't sure if misumi would wear it). kazu gets misumi a bracelet (with triangles, of course although misumi only wears it sometimes because he doesn't want to lose it) and misumi gets kazu a pair of triangle earrings "so we can match!" and kazunari combusts at the implications

EXTRA 4: sharing clothes     THEY'RE ACTUALLY AROUND THE SAME SIZE (and tend to wear baggier stuff barring kazu's skinny jeans)... but they have completely different Styles so it's still really obvious when steal each other's stuff ahdjajdkaf. as cute as kazu would look in sumi's sweatshirt i think the much more likely scenario is kazu wrapping misumi in his jackets because this boy nEVER BRINGS HIS ANYWHERE anyway just. accidental shared wardrobe misukazu.

EXTRA 5: lake house au    consider: kazunari living in a house on the shore of a lake for a summer for Art Purposes (and a little bit for Dealing With Life purposes but he's not gonna admit that) and meets his lake neighbor misumi who kazu thinks might be a ghost or spirit for a while but he actually just lives further down the lake and misumi unknowingly helps kazu with his Life Issues and maybe they fall in love

[everythinggeeky]

Paper Rings | Bucky Barnes

Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: modest/innocent stalking lol, fluff, references to sex (sfw)

Word Count: 1.5k

Summary: In a series of vignettes, you discover your recent relationship development with supersoldier Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier. From friends to more, in the most unexpected way.

masterlist

A/N: tag lists are open! This is part of my 5 Days of Oneshots! Based off Paper Rings by Taylor Swift! This is my first song fic, am I doing this right?

The moon is high like your friends were on the night that we first met

You were cleaning up the bar when you caught eyes with him across the room. He was handsome and put together neatly. His beard longer, but well-maintained; long hair swept back in a low bun at the nape of his neck. He wore a deep emerald green suit that complimented him nicely. 

He raised his hand to take a sip of his drink when you caught sight of his metal arm. Was this the Winter Soldier? Seated beside Captain America, there was no doubt this was the man that occupied media coverage so many days throughout the year.

The Avengers were crowded in the VIP section of the downtown club that you spent so many hours working in. Sure, you were used to a variety of celebrity clients because of the upscale nature of the club, but the Avengers was a group that you didn’t expect to see on just any day.

Tony Stark had presumably dragged the team out for a celebration following the grueling mission that headlines the news for the last week. Their business was straining; surely everyone needed a drink every now and then. 

But he looked stiff, uncomfortable, as though he was in a situation he felt he didn’t belong in. From what you knew about him, it could be expected that he would be a private individual. As America’s longest-serving prisoner of war, brain-washed by Nazis for nearly 70 years, the man had every right to abstain from social interaction.

When he happened to glance over towards you at the bar and caught eyes with you, you could only describe the connection as instant. When he realized that you met his gaze, he turned away, instead, shifting his focus to the rest of the group.

Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet

After getting off work that night, you sat curled up on your couch for the next few hours, reading and watching videos of the man known as the Winter Soldier. He matched the man you saw in the bar; metal arm and fiercely handsome good looks. The man was actually a ghost; one undercover social media account, but other than that, no trails of him whats so ever. 

The wine is cold, like the shoulder I gave you in the street

Every once in a while, you passed the Winter Soldier, who you now know as Bucky Barnes on your early evening walks to work. New York was only so large, it was bound to happen at some point. You met his eyes once again, but you turned away quickly this time, walking into the bar for work.

Cat and mouse for a month or two or three

It had been a few months since you first saw Bucky at the bar, and he seemed to pop up everywhere. At the coffee shop that you regularly frequented before your shifts, grocery shopping, and every once in a while on the street.

One day, you confronted him about his incidental appearances.

“Hey- have you been following me?”

“Have we met before?” he asked, oblivious to the entire affair.

“No. But you were at the bar- 13 degrees- that night, with the Avengers. You saw me.”

“I’m afraid I don’t remember, doll. My apologies. Have a nice day,” he parted ways before continuing on his way. 

Four days later, you walked into the coffee shop to grab your favorite vanilla latte on your Saturday off. The Winter Soldier was here, of course he was, sitting in the corner, sipping on a coffee of his own. After picking up your coffee from the barista, you walked over to him and took a seat across from him.

“My name’s Y/N,” you said bluntly, asserting dominance in the situation.

“Oh, from the grocery store,” he said, a tinge of confusion still hidden in his voice.

“And this coffee shop for the last three months. And on the street outside the bar.”

“I’m afraid I dont-”

You cut him off, “I know you’ve been following me and I know who you are.”

“I guess the game is up, huh?”

“Game?”

“Doll, I think you’re beautiful. I’ll admit, I’ve been trying to run into you for the last three months, just to get you to talk to me.”

“Is that even legal?”

“I promise I haven’t been watching you through your windows or anything like that.”

“Good.”

“I promise.”

You sat in the awkward silence for a few moments, unable to look back up at him. 

“Would you like to come back with me, darling?” he extended to you, polite.

“I think I would, Mr. Barnes,” you teased.

Grinning, he picked up your hand in his gloved hand. Which he used to presumably cover his metal arm. He leads you back to the Tower, when you get there, a dizzying flurry of kisses with you pressed up against the wall and roaming hands quickly lands you in the supersoldier’s bed for the rest of the night.

Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe

You rolled over to look at the clock, 4:35. You rolled back over to look at Bucky, sound asleep, bare chest expanding, and compressing with each breath. He looked peaceful here; it was hard to believe that this was the man that was so feared online. 

Kiss me once ‘cause you know I had a long night

Your meetings and hookups became more frequent, Bucky coming to your apartment, and him inviting you over again. After long shifts at the bar, Bucky would be the one to keep you company. One night, following a seven-hour shift, he stopped by with dinner and a lovely bouquet of flowers. 

He knew just how to cheer you up in the right way. 

Kiss me twice ‘cause it’s gonna be alright

You and Bucky made it official after 6 months since meeting for the first time at the bar. He quickly became your best friend; knowing just how to make you laugh and keep you company. 

Missions were rough; you were always stressed if he was going to make it back home safely to you. You made it a point to stop by the tower to kiss him goodbye before he left. 

Today, he boarded the quinjet with Steve and Sam, stopping at the foot of the ramp to say goodbye. You held his chin in your hands and leaned in to peck his lips one last time. 

“Come back home, soldier.”

“Every time, darling,” he grinned, before kissing you again, confirming that he was going to come back home to you again.

Three times ‘cause I’ve waited my whole life

When he finally landed on U.S. soil after two weeks of fighting, you were there on arrival. You stood in the landing pad, waiting to see your soldier walk off the very ramp he walked up just a few weeks ago. 

He came down with a slight limp and a heavy bruise across his cheek. A slice across his cheekbone was repaired with a few bandages. You gasped upon seeing him, this your first run-in with the grave dangers of international crime.

He stumbled his way to you, and you embraced him in a tight hug. He grunted softly, and you backed away.

“I’m sorry, are you hurt?”

“Just a bit sore, darlin’. Nothing I can’t handle, c’ mere,” he said, pulling you back in.

You hugged him again, not as tight as before, tucking your head into the crook of his neck.

I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings

Admittedly, you had been self-indulgent your whole adult life. You attributed it to your growing up, with not much more than what your parents could afford to feed you and your brothers and sisters. Now that you’ve grown with your own job and career, you can afford to clothe yourself with finer clothes, accented by the occasional piece of jewelry. 

Bucky took notice of this and spoiled you rotten. On your one-year anniversary, Bucky surprised you with a Tiffany necklace, a small heart pendant with a matching key.

“For you, because you have my heart in lock and key,” he said with a shy smile as he laced the thin chain around your neck, closing it shut.

“Thank you, babe, it’s beautiful. I love it, but you know you don’t have to give me these things.”

Darling, you’re the one I want

“I know, but I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this

Surprisingly, this had been the first time you muttered those words aloud to one another, but it couldn’t be more of the truth. Bucky had been a surprising introduction into your life, but you couldn’t see it any other way.

From some sort of innocent stalker that just happened to end up in the same places that you were for three months, to your lover. You were glad that Bucky Barnes was in your life. A protector, a friend, and so much more. He had filled the perfect space in your heart. And he was the key.

You’re the one I want

tagged: @kenobee​ @hxldmxdxwn​ @ilovesupersoldiers​ @jbarnesss​ @stephieraptorr​

[yetremains]

“...”

“Well damn, alright.” Yang downed the rest of her tea quickly, before gasping for a breath as she shoved her cup away.

“Lightning round, lets go!”

chocolate: when was your first kiss?

“It was in my young teen years, 15 I think. I’d been dating that individual for a couple weeks before they abruptly decided to kiss me then and there. We’d been dancing around the subject for a while. It wasn’t spicy or romantic, merely spur of the moment. Was sweet though. The year after that we had broke up and remained friends for a while until we lost contact.”

french vanilla: how old are you?

“You shouldn’t ask someone their age when they been through shit. Too god damn old is the best answer if you must know. I’m older than 28, trust me. Don’t let looks fool you. But hey, I’m getting even older come December 25th!”

cotton candy: three places you want to travel to?

“Do places long gone count? Can I say Home? Nah probably not. So three places let’s see... Japan, China, Romania. The actual places not whatever anything makes them out to be.”

strawberry: a language you wish you could speak?

“I know a damn lot of languages actually. Sometimes it’s hard to think of the right words to say because of this, knowing so many. It’s one reason I’m so odd with my way of speaking. However, I would not mind learning some dead languages. If that doesn’t count, then... Persian?”

coffee: favorite cosmetic brands?

“Ah hell. I mean, I’m not much of a cosmetic expert here. I work with whatever I really need for a music show or for just every day. I could say L’Oreal because I’m worth it joke but that seems in bad taste. If I was using cosmetics just for the enjoyment or to look special, I just try and get whatever works for me.”

mint chocolate chip: indoors or outdoors?

“Answered this one~!”

cookie dough: do you play any instruments?

“Plenty. I’ve decided to learn a few different ones so I can mix together my own music needs of demands arise for it. But I really enjoy stringed instruments or wind instruments. I carry a small harmonica or Ryūteki in my packs.”

rocky road: favorite songs at the moment?

“Not easy to give an answer for, I’ve got a really broad taste. But I’m thinking something with a heavier beat at the moment-”

butter pecan: favorite songs for life?

“Oh come on this makes it harder. As I said, broad taste. I can find enjoyment in many kinds of music and lyrics. Can’t exactly answer a favorite song for life here.”

cheesecake: what’s your zodiac sign?

“Which zodiac are we talking here? There are a lot out there. But the first one into my head is Capricorn. I am on the 25th of December.”

toasted coconut: the beach or the pool?

“As nice as the ocean can be, fuck the ocean. I’ll enjoy the coast line just fine but you won’t catch me swimming that far out in it. There is damn good reason why I don’t like the ocean much anymore. I’ll relax in a pool or a lake or river, thank you.”

chocolate chip: what’s your most popular post?

“Good question. I’ve made a few social media posts that exploded. But that’s probably not fair considering the music I do. I think my most popular is from years ago when I spray painted a statue of a certain someone to look like a baboon.”

bubblegum: books or movies?

“Both! Why choose? I enjoy both quite a bit. and besides, Books can always be there no matter what. And can hold so much valuable information depending what you are reading.”

pistachio: manga or anime?

“... Both again? But I prefer novels. This is more a guilty pleasure.”

salted caramel: favorite movies?

“I can’t remember the last movie I watched, if I’m honest, let alone a favorite movie.”

birthday cake: favorite books?

“Hmmm. Hard one. I enjoy the collected works of Edgar Allen Poe? There is Shōgun. The Mark of Zorro, Sherlock Holmes, Bram Stoker Dracula... There’s several.”

moose tracks: favorites for manga?

“Not exactly applicable, I don’t remember the name of any I like when I was young.”

orange sherbet: favorites for anime?

“The same as above. Wow I am old... I should really get in touch with these things again.”

peanut butter: favorite academic subject?

“Hah, I loved science and history. A damn lot really. I’ve used both to really help my self along and it’s come in handy. My need for knowledge had me spend a lot of time researching.”

black raspberry: do you have any pets?

“I’ve not had any pets since I was a rookie. Never had the time to truly care for one, and now with a hectic life, I’m not gonna do that to an animal.”

mango: when and why did you start your blog?

“Suppose just to exist and have something to do between pit stops.”

mocha: ideal weather conditions?

“It is torn between two for me. A nice warm day, clear, maybe with a gentle breeze. Some clouds above, and calm. That’s the ideal outing day... But, I suppose due to my birthday, I can enjoy a soft snow coming down,some snow on the ground, watching through a window with tea in hand while bundled up and warm. Much prefer clear day though.”

black cherry: four words that describe you?

“Now that’s just not fair. Let me think... Loyal, Determined, Caring, Protective.”

neapolitan: things that stress you out?

“Being reminded of my failings and those I’ve lost... the people I’ve hurt... Thinking about friends I wish I was closer too but too fearful to be that close. Hm. I can also be stressed out by far too much stimulation for my brain at once that it can spin my gears way too quickly.”

raspberry truffle: favorite kind of music?

“Again, broad tastes. But depending on my mood or feelings, it changes what my favorite kind of music can be. But I will always enjoy something gentle and calming.”

chocolate marshmallow: favorite brands of candy?

“I’ve always been partial to chocolates, or cream items.”

toffee: a card game that you’re good at?

“Ever hear of a game called Egyptian Rat Race? Also known as Egyptian Rat Screw, dunno why of course. I learned this game when I was a kid. 52 card deck, deal to each player until the deck is entirely used and everyone has a pile face down. Starting to the left of the dealer players pull the top card off their pile and place it face-up in the middle. If the card played is a number card, the next player puts down a card, too. This continues around the table until somebody puts down a face card or an Ace. When a face card or an ace is played, the next person in the sequence must play another face card or an ace in order for play to continue.If the next person in the sequence does not play a face card or an ace within their allotted chance, the person who played the last face card or an ace wins the round and the whole pile goes to them. The winner begins the next round of play.“

lemon custard: do you eat breakfast?

“Uh... Admittedly not often. With my metabolism problem I absolutely should, considering the demanding needs. I just can’t always bring my self to do so, the will for it isn’t there. I do snack though.”

dark chocolate: turn ons?

“Ooohh boy... Now this one has me turning a bit red here. I mean there is biting and tight holds, the usual stuff. But... I’m not gonna list a lot here, a turn on can be blindfolding me if I trust my partner enough.”

fudge: turn offs?

“Being an asshole, for one.”

peach: how do you relax?

“A nice cup of tea, maybe some soft music, and let my mind unwind a little. That’s if I’m alone. Otherwise a gentle conversation with a friend about small things... Once upon a time long ago I would have said long hugs or cuddling. Not an option these days.”

praline: a popular book you haven’t read yet?

“I’ve not read The Golden Compass, that has been on my to do list.”

superman: do you like sweaters?

“Weird how this one is with sweaters... but yeah I can enjoy sweaters in the right weather. They can be soft and warm, comfy. Great for cold days.”

cherry: do you drink tea or coffee?

“I drink both actually. But if I have the option for a good tea I’m going to take it without hesitation. Yet the spark of energy from Coffee can’t be denied.”

dulce de leche: an instrument you wish you could play?

“Without a doubt, Taisho-goto. Have you seen one of those? It’s so intricate and amazing, and can sound wonderful. It can be used to play all sorts of things. Fascinates me that the item was half inspired by a typewriter.”

blackberry: have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

“Oh a few times actually. It’s been a good long while now since I’ve gone that far, but it’s come close. But once upon a time this has happened!”

ginger: a new feature you wish tumblr could have?

“To Become A Functioning Website.”

blueberry lemon: favorite blogs?

“Now that’s just kissing and telling...” (( I’d also have to tag and dont wanna spam. ))

almond: favorite mean girls quote?

“Oddly specific, but... Variations of ‘One time she punched me in the face. It was awesome.’. “

butterscotch: what color are your nails right now?

“Uh, natural and colorless? I’ve not painted my nails in a while.”

cinnamon: have you ever been confessed to?

“I have yes.”

blue moon: have you ever had a crush on someone?

“Again, yes. We’re not gonna go into this can of worms.”

cappuccino crunch: do you take naps?

“Sometimes. There comes the occasion when one does get exhausted and needs a damn nap.”

mint: the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?

“Get way too flustered and accidentally admit I liked someone.”

brownie batter: do you like sushi?

“Completely! You say we’re going to get Sushi and you have my full attention.”

key lime: where do you want to be right now?

“Home unfortunately.”

red velvet: do you wear prescription glasses?

“Nope! I’m thankful for that, but one day I have no doubt that’s going to change.”

green tea: favorite flavors of ice cream?

“Mochi green tea, chocolate chip mint, red bean, Strawberry shortcake... Gelato raspberry or orange cream.”

[wickymicky]

how are nct gonna promote all these singles? for nct 2018, they released some of the big singles as pre-release ones before the actual album, so people hadnt heard the songs before watching the music videos. and then for live stages, they had them start at different times, but they did overlap... though only for like a week or so. then the album came out and you could hear all of it at once. 

but for nct 2020 it looks like the album is coming out all at once to begin with (well, part 1 of the album, anyway), so how are they gonna promote these? are all the relevant music videos just gonna be released at the same time? will more than one unit begin promotions on music shows immediately? the individual units dont share as many members as they used to, i guess, it’s really just haechan who is still in two units (unless the dream title track is the 7dream one that they mentioned... though that might count as an nct u song lol)... but there are a number of nct u songs obviously, so it’s gonna be a whole mess. and if they dont release the mvs and do live stages right away, are some units gonna get the short end of the stick and release a music video and do performances for songs that came out weeks before? is that better or worse than everything happening all at once, competing with each other? i dont even know the answer to that lol

like, i know theyre splitting the album into two halves, but there will still be several title tracks on each half... and the second half is only gonna be like a month later, that’s not a long time... i’m so confused lol

even if only one of the many nct u units that they announced will do full promotions (which is extremely unlikely, given what they said the songs will be like. that “make a wish” song and the boss unit song are definitely both gonna be promoted at the very least), there will still be title tracks for 127, dream, and wayv! i guess i’m glad superm arent promoting One on music shows, cause there’s really no way that the four nct members of superm, who are each in a couple of the units that will have title tracks on the nct 2020 album(s), would survive the several-month-long slog, but even with just the nct promotions it’ll be a busy busy mess i’m sure. 

there are people who have a better understanding of how this all will go down than i do, right? can you explain it lol... or do we not really know all the details yet? the album comes out in like 9 days... so if they were gonna do prereleases like for nct 2018, they would have started like a month ago.......

[mintseesaw]

Prompt: “Why am I not being praised like them?”

Pairing: yoongi x reader

Genre: fluff

Word count: 717

A/n: a fluff-oozing blurb no one asks for :)

Their newly-released album is being played in shuffle through the bluetooth speaker. You made him sit down next to you knowing full well he would randomly bring up stories behind each song or how they ended up as the final tracks in the album. Right now, he has yet to show enthusiasm. And you’re not showing any sign of acknowledging it either.

In fact, when Home comes up, you gushed over excitedly as it is by far your favorite among the tracks of their recent album.

“I like that part,” babbling over Namjoon’s intro.

“Really…” His tone, one which you got used to hearing with. Monotonous.

“Jimin’s voice is really sweet and it’s perfect match for this type of genre, so are the rest of vocal line.”

He didn’t answer, and you continued voicing out your thoughts about your obvious admiration to the song. Yoongi has yet to show a reaction, you didn’t notice until Hoseok’s part came up. He seems to be in deep thoughts.

“Yoongi, are you listening?”

He scoffed, “Of course, why wouldn’t I? You just said you love Namjoon’s part.”

Your mouth fell open at his remark.

Really, Yoongi?

“That’s all you’ve heard?”

“That’s not all. Of course, I’ve heard all your compliments earlier towards Namjoon and Hoseok for producing the songs in the album. I worked hard, too, why am I not being praised like them?” He sulked.

Oh!

A smile slowly made its way on your face. Stradding his lap, your palms cupped his cheeks, and cooed. “Aww, my poor baby. I’m so sorry for neglecting you with appreciation, but it doesn’t mean I don’t ever notice your efforts.” He folded his arms over his chest, and you couldn’t help but to chuckle at the cute display in front of you.

“I was being polite, and I figured it’s better to congratulate the boys in person. So please, stop sulking, my sweet angel.”

You gently bump his nose with yours and giving his pouted lips a small peck.

“You didn’t see me losing my shit when I first heard your rap in the title track because I was at work.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I just had to keep my composure, so it’s my inner self doing all the squealing.” He chuckled at your confession.

“You know what’s my favorite part in Home?”

“Namjoon’s line?”

You pinched his side in response. He winces dramatically as if it actually hurts. “It’s the verse right after Hoseok’s.” You’re indicating his part.

His face instantly lit up. “Really?”

“Hmm…”

“I did well, right?” He grins shyly.

“Yes, you always do.” You seconded, while nodding your head.

Your arms rested complacently on his shoulders.

“Jay had to literally pull my airpods off my ears during lunch break because I was listening to the songs instead of her talking. The album is really great and the songs can individually stand out on their own, not to mention they’re incomparable with each other. And…I’m well aware how you worked so hard for the album.” His face scrunched up, concealing the embarrassment noticeable through his flushed cheeks.

“May I remind you that I had to actually get permission to Pdogg to drag you out of your studio just for you to have a proper sleep in a comfortable bed.” You pinched his nose playfully, which gathered a small whine of protest from him.

“I have to work.” He weakly defended.

“I know. My baby is hardworking and dedicated enough to neglect himself the basic care.” Your hands now wrapped around his neck lovingly.

“Dont worry about me, Jagi. I’m a big man.”

“A big baby,” you corrected. His nose adorably crinkles making his eyes shrink.

Your nose rubs softly on his cheek, “I’m so proud of you, you know that right?”

Yoongi replied with a low hum.

“With or without chart-topping songs, you make me so proud, my baby.” You cooed softly. You’re aware that you’re dating a big baby who likes to be praised a lot. It shows but he’s never going to admit it.

“Stop…” He whines, bottom lip protrudes in a pout.

“What…you’ve asked for it.”

Softly squeezing his cheeks together like how you would want to do it when you see a real baby. He really looks like an adorable cat more than a man that he is. 

It’s probably true. You fell in love with one under the guise of a human.

mintseesaw © 2019

[brianandthemays]

Marry You (Roger Taylor x reader)

A/N I highly recommend listening to “Marry You” by Bruno Mars cause that’s def what inspired this.

Warnings: UMMM, fluff, slight mention of sex I guess. 

Word Count: 1950 

_______________________________________________

Marriage, something meant for other couples. But not you and Roger. Not that you hadn’t dreamt of getting married to Roger, he just didn’t seem the type. You found yourself thinking about marriage that afternoon, staring at him as he read a book in your living room.

 The sun was hitting his hair perfectly, and his glasses had fallen to the end of his nose giving him cute librarian vibes. You thought about how it would feel to see him reading bed time stories to kids you had together. You rested your chin on your palm as you watched him in the sun light.

             “What are you looking at?” he mumbled, not looking up from his book.

             “Nothing.” You sigh, not looking away from him. He looked over at you with a smirked. When he turned towards you, his back was to the window and the sun created a halo around his hair, his eyes were a darker blue than usual and he took your breath away yet again. But you just smiled at him knowing that, for the time being, this man was all yours and nothing could stop that. “Let’s go out tonight.” You insist, not taking your eyes off his. He raises his eyebrows at your suggestion before nodding at you.

             “Okay.” He said simply, turning back to his book. You grumbled when he turned away from you, the book stealing his attention away from you once again. He knew it drove you mad when he ignored you or brushed you off. Taking matters into your own hands you walk over to his chair and stand in front of him. He glanced up at you, a cheeky smile on his lips “Can I help you, love?”

 You narrowed your eyes at him and plucked the book from his hand. Careful not to lose his place, you place to book down on the counter next to the chair and curled yourself up in his lap. He chuckled deeply, wrapping an arm around your back to keep you from slipping, the other coming to rest on your knee. He rubbed circles into the skin there as you rested your head on his chest.

             “Do you ever think about us, Rog?” you ask taking a deep breath of his scent.

             “Course I do, I’m thinking about us right now.” He replied simply, not getting the depth of your question. You sighed, deciding not to push the question further for fear of the answer. Right now, you closed your eyes and just savored the close proximity and the arm firmly wrapped around you back. You didn’t realize that he had been staring at you the entire time, looking at how your hair perfectly fell into place to frame your face, or how you lifted up and down with his own breath, falling into sync with your own small breaths.

 Later that night, you were putting in earrings to finish off your outfit for that night. Just a simple dress with some wedges, easier to dance in.

           “Beautiful as always, love.” Roger’s voice from the doorway made you look up. In the reflection you could see him leaning against the frame, watching you finish your get up. He smirked and came to wrap his arms around you, placing a kiss to the side of your neck.

             “Thanks, Rog.” You say softly, feeling butterflies in your stomach. He smiled, resting his head on your shoulder. “You ready?” you ask. He nodded, placing one more kiss on your shoulder before taking your hand and dragging you out the door.

 It wasn’t long before you found a bar to go to and you both had a drink in your hand. For some reason, Roger couldn’t keep his eyes off you. As you rambled about something to do with work, he found himself entranced by your voice and your wild hand movements. You stopped when the jukebox finally turned on a song, and you let out a little screech.

             “ROG! I love this song! Come dance with me!” You say setting down your drink and grabbing his hand. He sputtered as some of his drink spilt as he rushed to set it down before you dragged him off. He found himself in the middle of the dance floor watching you as you danced. You had a giant smile on your face as you sashayed your hips and threw your hands in the air and suddenly, he couldn’t hear or see anything other than you. His chest tightened and a pit formed in his stomach. You finally looked back over at him and say the lazy smile planted on his face and you nudged him.

             “What’s up with you?” You giggle, not stopping your movement.

             “I think I want to marry you.” He said nonchalantly. You stopped and your eyes snapped towards him.

             “What?” you reply, your voice barely audible over the music.

             “I mean it, I want to marry you right now.” He grabbed your hands and looked directly in your eyes. Your mouth dropped when you realized he was serious. He squeezed your hands and dragged you with him off the dance floor so you could hear him better. “I know a chapel just down the street. I’ll go buy rings if you want, I just want you to be mine.”

 You didn’t know what to say or do. Everything you ever wanted was happening right now. You took deep breaths as you processed everything he was saying. He wanted to marry you. He wanted to take you to a chapel right now and marry you.

             “Say something, baby.” He begged, his eyes searching yours for some response. Your mouth twitched and you felt the corners twist up, as you came to grips with the reality of the situation. You looked up at him finally and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a deep passionate kiss. He sighed in relief against your lips and reciprocated immediately.

             “What are we waiting for?” You murmur against his lips. He smiled wildly at you and ran out the door with your hand in yours.

You stopped first at a ring shop near the bar. He made you wait outside as he looked for the perfect ring. It wasn’t 15 minutes later he walked out with a velvet case and another smaller bag.

             “I wanted to do this a little more officially.” He laughed. He got down on one knee and your heart froze in time. This picture, of Roger on one knee asking you to marry him, was on you never thought you would see. “You are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. (Y/N) (L/N), will you marry me.”

 You couldn’t contain your giggle of happiness as you nodded “Yes, you dolt!”. He hopped up and slid the ring on your finger. It was beautiful. His finger lingered on yours as he drew a circle around the ring. “I thought it looked like you.” He explained, looking at you “it’s bright, and elegant, and perfect.”

 Though you were standing on the side of the road, in the middle of the night, you couldn’t think of anything more romantic. You cup his face and place another passionate kiss on his lips. “Well, let’s go get married.” He smirked and dragged you down the street.

 Just an hour later, you were married. Two hours later, you were laying bed with your husband. Naked under the sheets you ran your finger up and down his chest. He had one arm wrapped around your shoulders, holding you to his chest, the other held a cigarette to his lips.

             “What made you want to marry me.” You ask resting your hand and craning your neck to look up at him. He removed the cigarette and looked down at you, a faint smile on his lips.  “Cos’ your so… unique… and perfect, and so… you.” He said simply “and I knew that if I didn’t marry you right then, I would lose you.”

 You propped yourself up on your elbow to look down at him. “You could never lose me.” You murmur, brushing his lips with your fingers. He lightly grabbed your hands and pressed a kiss to each of your fingers individually before pressing a kiss to your wedding ring. He chuckled softly, and you cocked your head at him. “What’s so funn?”

             “Fred’s going to lose his mind when he realizes he got married without telling him”

  __________________________________________________

+bonus

 The next week you joined Roger at the studio, sitting on the couch quiet watching Roger on his drums. John was sitting next to you on the couch and Brian in a chair next to Fred near the sound board. You had brought a book but had long since abandoned it, keeping your hand in to keep it open while you watched him. For just a slight moment, John glanced down at your book, just to see what you were reading but his eye widened when he saw your finger.  You noticed John’s small gasp and looked over to see him wide eyed.

             “what’s gotten into you?” You whisper, trying not to disturb the recording. He scoffed and looked at your finger again. Finally, you realized what he was looking at and blushed.

             “Since when are you” married?” he said rather loudly. You shush him quickly, but he caught the attention of Brian and Fred as soon as he said the word married.

             “Married!?” Fred exclaimed forgetting all about the drum solo he was recording “Of course not, don’t be silly.”  He narrowed his eyes at you as you let out a sigh and send a glare at John. He shrugged unabashedly and raised his eyebrows still waiting for an explanation.

             “What’s going on in there?” Roger’s voice came in over the speaker. He had stopped playing when he noticed that Brian and Freddie had stopped watching.  Brian clicked the button and said “Your girlfriend’s gotten married, it seems”

 Roger let out a loud laugh and made eye contact with you. He leaned back on his chair and motioned for you to explain.  You made a sour face at him before turning your attention back to the other three boys around me.

             “Well, Rog and I got married last week.” You shrug and hold up your hand for them to see. Fred’s mouth opened and Brian just smirked as Deaky let out a short laugh.

             “You’ve been married for a full week and you didn’t bother to tell any of us?” Brian reasoned.

             “Forget telling us, why wasn’t I invited to the wedding?” Fred demanded grabbing your hand to look at the ring.

             “Fred, I think we all would have wanted to be invited.” Deaky pointed out. Fred shrugged him off and continued his ogling.

             “well, it was sort of spur of the moment, to be honest.” You explained pulling your hand back from Fred.

             “I’m going to have a heart attack.” Fred responded grabbing onto the side of his chair to stabilize himself “‘spur of the moment’ please don’t tell me you were drunk.”

             “Light buzz at the most” you defended.

             “I can’t believe this, my to best friends-”

             “Hey!” Brian interrupted.

           “My two best friends got married and I found out a week later.” Fred continued ignoring him.  

             “Aw, don’t feel to bad, Fred.” You began but Freddie just turned around and clicked the button.

             “You’re both dead to me.” He concluded. You just chuckled and looked at Roger who was also smiling at you. You were sure you weren’t going to hear the end of this for a long time, but you knew you could handle it if you were with Roger.

[soaringsearingphoenix]

iris and gypsophilia!

iris - favourite 90’s song?

Okay honestly i just love 90s music but. Like ESPECIALLY 90s rap and hip hop. So i say unironically that the first thing that came to mind was Will Smith, specifically Will 2K (which came out in Nov 1999 but that counts!!) Men In Black? Gettin’ Jiggy With It? Genuine bops.

I had to look up other 90s songs because i dont sort music by decade in my head, theyre loosely grouped by which radio station i used to hear them on as a kid and thats about it. But i am seeing a lot of music i like on this top 100 list. “Flip Fantasia” by Cantaloop? Yes. For some reason i thought that was older. “Whoomp! (there it is!)” by Tag Team. “No Scrubs” by TLC. “Killing me Softly” by Fugees. “Good Vibrations” by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.

Whatever y’all consider ‘classics’ from the 90s i am probably going to like as well. Santana and Nirvana and all that. But like radio-friendly 90s hip hop is simply fun as hell and also, nostalgic for me personally ‘cause thats what we listened to in the car on the way to everywhere

gypsophila - do you prefer many distant friends, or a few close friends?

Aughughgahgh is “both” an option? There are a lot of people in this world i consider my friends, and the relationships i have currently in my life are valuable to me in either case.

If i had to have only one or the other i would say ‘many distant friends’. I am fairly self-reliant but I do like to have a network of people, especially for activities. And while I don’t consider myself particularly adept at close emotional interactions, i am pretty good at gauging, or keeping tabs on, which of my friends have good chemistry together. So with many distant friends, i could still act as a catalyst that brings them close to each other, even if they were not individually close with me. I rarely achieve or maintain the intimacy that others are looking for when they think of close friends, so I think i could do more good for my friends with many distant ones, rather than only a few close ones.