#so i didn't even have the ability to identify it. and neither did they.

[didntaskforfrozenyoghurt]

i feel fucking wretched because i know most people with long covid don't even know they have it. don't even know long covid is a thing

[clover-system]

The longest list of anti-endo sources I've ever seen

While trying to find something else using Tumblr's infamous search engine, I came across this absolute gem:

NINE SOURCES!!! That's a record!! This is incredible!

@radpocalypse, listen. I am about to tear these to shreds, but before I do, I want you to know that you have my respect for not only compiling the longest list of sources I have ever seen an anti-endo provide, and not only doing so seemingly not directly prompted, but typing out every single link by hand, on mobile, without making a single mistake. Incredible work.

And also, to be completely honest, if I had nine sources supporting a belief, I almost certainly wouldn't look into them this closely. But, hey, that's what strangers on the internet with opposing views are for.

One more thing before the debunk: Endogenic systems do not claim to have DID etc. without trauma. They just don't. Whether it could be possible is often debated as an edge case, usually just to win an argument against someone of the opposing side, but really, it's irrelevant for 99% of the community. A good chunk are questioning OSDD based on later trauma, but as far as I am aware, no one on this website is claiming a completely endogenic plural disorder.

However, I don't want to dismiss entire pages based on this alone without further commentary, and it's a fun intellectual exercise regardless. So, whenever I use green text, I'm just playing Devil's Advocate under the premise of "If I was claiming to have DID without trauma (which neither I nor anyone else afaik is), would this source actually debunk that claim?" My syster will also occasionally pop in with purple, since she was cocon while I was writing this.

My dad just walked into my room and literally said "hey how it's going". You know, like. Like that one post. Amazing.

Anyway, civility established. Now come along with me on this long long journey of ten minutes of reading. Maybe put some music on in the background, if that will help you get through it. I had Near's Theme on while writing.

Here we go.

Link 1: McLean Hospital

Ok, main thing that caught my eye was

According to a 2010 Psychiatric Times article, only 5% of people with DID exhibit obvious switching between identity “states.”

Very interesting! Even with all of the "idk who's fronting" memes, 5% is really not that high. Though maybe online spaces like these help train the ability to identify it? The reference trail leads back to a book by Kluft but I don't really feel like going through dozens of pages for this. Definitely making a note of this though; I wonder if there have been any follow-up studies on this.

Not much to say here other than that. No mention of plurality outside DID.

DID is associated with long-term exposure to trauma, often chronic traumatic experiences during early childhood.

Dissociation—or disconnection from one’s sense of self or environment—can be a response to trauma.

Dissociative identity disorder—a type of dissociative disorder—most often develops during early childhood in kids who are experiencing long-term trauma. This typically involves emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse; neglect; and highly unpredictable interactions with caregivers.

Why "associated", not "is caused by"? Why "can", not "is"? Why "most often", etc.?

Why such weak language?

Not that it couldn't be weaker.

I vaguely remember McLean getting into some hot water regarding a video they posted about DID, but didn't find anything concrete. Half-remembered anecdote aside, the author seems well-qualified.

C-tier debunk of this position. It's not nothing but it could be a lot better.

Link 2: Psych Central

It occurs in women 9 times more often than in men.

Very interesting statistic, but no citation provided.

Alters can show striking differences. For instance, one alter may speak with a different accent or have a softer way of speaking. They might have different opinions or a different gender identity, and even physical differences — like left- or right-handedness, or the need for a glasses prescription.

That's quite a stark difference here compared to the McLean article. What happened to "alters aren't that noticeable"?

But whatever, these are just interesting tidbits. None of this has anything to do with endogenic plurality. Nothing like "this is the only way to be multiple", no comment whatsoever.

DID is usually associated with adverse experiences in someone’s past and traumatic memories.

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a mental health condition with strong links to trauma, especially trauma in childhood.

Bruh. This again?

In fact, the American Psychiatric Association reports that 90% of people with DID have a history of childhood abuse and neglect, based on research from the United States, Canada, and Europe.

Bruh. Seriously? 90%? You know what that leaves, right?

According to your own source, 10% of DID systems are endogenic.

But let's break this down. There's a big difference between the system being endogenic, and the DID being endogenic. This statistic is specifically referring to childhood trauma.

The wording's plenty vague though. This can absolutely be read as completely endogenic DID.

One review article from 2017 about the causes of DID noted that there was relatively little research on the condition to date.

The authors said researchers hadn’t yet investigated potential genetic and epigenetic factors. With epigenetic factors, the experiences and behaviors of your parents and ancestors can influence the function of the genes they pass down to you.

The authors of the review said scientists needed to do more research to investigate whether a person with DID might carry genes that can influence if they develop the condition or not.

This is particularly promising because studies have already shown that genes can influence dissociative disorders in general.

So you're telling me DID might be able to be passed down one or two generations? Wow. Again, this still has nothing to do with endogenic plurality, but I'm really glad I decided to play with this second angle, because it's so much more fun. We're certainly not at intentional self-inflicted DID here, but we are at this point a long way from certainly needing childhood trauma in all cases.

And also the reviewer is a military psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD. So uh. Not bringing our best here.

Link 3: Mayo Clinic

Gotta love an article that's nice and short. This is just a brief summary of a bunch of dissociative disorders. Again, nothing about endogenic plurality.

Starting to run out of things to say about this. This whole post could probably be a fifth the length if I didn't feel like playing on hard mode.

Formerly known as multiple personality disorder, this disorder involves "switching" to other identities. You may feel as if you have two or more people talking or living inside your head. You may feel like you're possessed by other identities.

Each identity may have a unique name, personal history and features. These identities sometimes include differences in voice, gender, mannerisms and even such physical qualities as the need for eyeglasses.

Hey, that reminds me of someone.

There also are differences in how familiar each identity is with the others. Dissociative identity disorder usually also includes bouts of amnesia and often includes times of confused wandering.

Again, McLean looking really odd with its declaration of DID's covertness against great detail like this. However, its author is so far the best qualified. This one just says "Mayo Clinic Staff". Can't even know which of them worked on this. Some of them are psychs, but if any of them specialize in dissociative disorders, it doesn't say so.

Dissociative disorders usually arise as a reaction to shocking, distressing or painful events and help push away difficult memories.

I won't bother quoting even more wishy-washy language because this post is already at an ungodly length (about 1300 words so far) and we're barely a third done. But yeah, suffice to say, no nail-in-the-coffin 100% link to trauma.

Link 4: Rethink

We are a trusted information creator and accredited by the Patient Information Forum (PIF).

Their bold, for once. That's an alarm-ringing corporate phrase if I've ever seen one. Also, first thing on the PIF's website is "balancing the risks and benefits of AI in the production of health information". So this article might've been written by GPT. Awesome. And yeah, a lot of this whole website looks to me like a bunch of interconnected pages with stupidly long articles written by stitching together LLM generations. Does pass GPT0's test though.

This one is so long. I'll take the ten minutes to read through every word, which I don't think @radpocalypse did, just to make sure there's nothing here, but one thing that does catch my eye scrolling down to near the bottom is that they misspelled their first citation.

A quick look at this Carolyn Spring shows a lot being sold and credentials nowhere in sight. Awesome.

So already I don't need to read this. The information here is not at a high level of trustworthiness. It's maybe better than nothing, but seriously, one can and should do better. But I'll read it anyway, just for bonus points. Thanks to AccelaReader for making this bearable.

Many people will experience dissociation at some point in their lives. Lots of different things can cause you to dissociate. For example, you might dissociate when you are very stressed, or after something traumatic has happened to you.

Some of the symptoms of dissociation include the following:

You may have clear multiple identities.

It‘s important to remember that you could have the symptoms of dissociation without a dissociative disorder.

So according to this, multiple identities can be caused by intense but non-traumatic stress, and might not necessarily be a disorder. So, while I admit this is a little bit of a stretch, we're four links in and this is the first mention of plurality in general, so I'll take it. One point for endogenic plurality. (And again, none of this really matters anyway because this is the worst source so far.)

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is sometimes called ‘Multiple Personality Disorder.

If you have DID you might seem to have 2 or more different identities, called ‘alternate identities.

Two missing closing quotes. Really not a good sign.

They suggest that DID is caused by experiencing severe trauma over a long time in childhood.

Aha! Finally, something concrete against endogenic DID! Too bad it's buried in the worst source yet. If we believed we had DID, we would absolutely not reconsider that based on a sketchy webpage with suboptimal syntax and no credentials.

Ugh, finally done with that one. What a slog.

Link 5: DID Research

Aha! The infamous psych student's blog! That's what Sophie said, anyway. Not taking her word for it though. Let's see what we can find here, independently.

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is the result of repeated or long-term childhood trauma

Why wasn't this first? First sentence, so crystal clear. No two ways about this, transDID destroyed right out of the gate.

DID cannot form after ages 6-9 because individuals older than these ages have an integrated self identity and history.

Why wasn't this first? It's so plain, so refreshing after four pages of strategic ambiguity. Nothing left here for green. But still no mention of non-disordered plurality.

The author is impressively credentialed but doesn't seem to specialize quite near this area. She's certainly better than most, high above any random Tumblr user talking out of their ass, but the good stuff would be to get a DID specialist to explicitly spell out that endogenic systems are not possible.

Also should make note of this big fat legal disclaimer:

While the author strives to make information on this website as complete, reliable, and accurate as possible, the author makes no claims, promises, guarantees, or warranties about the accuracy, completeness, or adequacy of the contents of this site and expressly disclaims liability for errors and omissions in the contents of this site.

If we did claim to have DID, this would rattle us a little but could ultimately be brushed aside.

Link 6: SANE

As usual, literally nothing about endogenic plurality. I'll just greenmode this.

The majority of people with DID have been through severe trauma in early childhood

And now back to our regularly scheduled nondefinitive language.

Fun fact: highlighting text on this website turns it invisible. Awesome.

A person needs to meet the following criteria to be diagnosed with DID:

- Two or more distinct identities or personality states, each with its own way of thinking and relating. - Amnesia and gaps in the recall of everyday events, personal information or traumatic events. - The experiences are not part of normal cultural or religious practice, or part of childhood imaginary play. For example, a child having an imaginary friend does not mean they have DID. - The symptoms are not because of substance abuse or other medical conditions.

Ah finally, a direct quote from the good ol' DSM. Notice the lack of a trauma requirement.

Funny enough, using only these criteria in isolation, we actually would count as having DID due to our grayout memory gaps when switching. DID is also listed in the dissociative disorders section of the DSM, not the trauma disorders section, so there is no implied criterion there either. However, there still remains the universal criterion of distress, which we do not fulfill. We are quite happy with ourselves.

DID is caused by severe childhood trauma, such as physical, verbal or sexual abuse.

Well, which is it?? Is it a majority association or a direct cause? Why the contradiction? Or is the emphasis on early childhood trauma?

Eh, whatever. Point is, green is once again shut down. But there is still no mention of endogenic plurality anywhere here!!

And no indication of who wrote this article, though the citation for direct cause is a dissociative disorder specialist. Does he actually say that in the cited paper, though?

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is multifactorial in its etiology. Whereas psychosocial etiologies of DID include developmental traumatization and sociocognitive sequelae, biological factors include trauma-generated neurobiological responses. Biologically derived traits and epigenetic mechanisms are also likely to be at play. At this point, no direct examination of genetics has occurred in DID. However, it is likely to exist, given the genetic link to dissociation in general and in relation to childhood adversity in particular.

I hope you have a dictionary on hand. That sure is a lot of big words that aren't in Firefox's built-in spellchecker. Still, after making sure I got everything, it's clearly not so cut and dry here. And we're back on the "it could be genetic" point.

Tangentially related: I do like the dismissal of the iatrogenic model on the basis of the brain scans.

Neurobiological differences have been demonstrated between dissociative identities within patients with DID and between patients with DID and controls. Given the current evidence, DID as a diagnostic entity cannot be explained as a phenomenon created by iatrogenic influences, suggestibility, malingering, or social role-taking. On the contrary, DID is an empirically robust chronic psychiatric disorder based on neurobiological, cognitive, and interpersonal non-integration as a response to unbearable stress.

Anyway, we're not even on the original page anymore, so I'll call it here. No mention of endogenic plurality, and the citation that claims to dismiss endogenic DID doesn't.

Link 7: NAMI Michigan

While the causes [of DID] are unknown

I'm tired. Aren't you tired?

Treatment for DID consists primarily of psychotherapy with hypnosis.

Yeah I'm calling BS on this one

And no citations on this entire page, nor even the author's name.

Statistics show that DID occurs in 0.01 to 1 percent of the general population.

Research has shown that the average age for the initial development of alters is 5.9 years old.

No sources listed. This is definitely the worst link. Literally on the same level as a rambling Tumblr user in terms of credibility.

Doesn't matter that it says

This disorder is believed to be triggered by physical or sexual abuse in childhood

Couldn't even get this dogshit source to be firm.

This one gets an F.

Link 8: The Psychology Practice

Got scared for a moment there that it said ai. No, that's AL, a name. Also this was written in 2022, so we're definitely safe. Can't actually find any other info on this AL character, but at least we can look up the co-author.

Hm, can't find anything on her, either. Well, at least this is a step up from the previous link. Let's see what it has to say.

According to the Dissociative Identity Research Organisation (2018), DID is formed in childhood due to repeated trauma in early childhood (before age 10) before the personality is fully integrated.

I do like that these later links are direct with this. They don't seem to have a citation for that DIRO, though. Unless...

No. Oh no.

Ok, so this one was written by a couple of clowns who definitely didn't do their homework. Cool. I'm getting tired of humoring awful sources like this, so moving on to the grand finale.

Link 9: NAMI

Wait, this is the same group behind the zero-citation article from Michigan! But that was just Michigan. Maybe the main site can do better.

Ugh, it's just another list of dissociative disorders instead of DID specifically.

The symptoms of a dissociative disorder usually first develop as a response to a traumatic event,

Aren't you tired? Aren't you tired? Aren't you tired?

Often these identities may have unique names, characteristics, mannerisms and voices.

Often? Wow. Sure is a far cry from 5%.

Dissociative disorders are managed through various therapies including: - Psychotherapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) - Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) - Medications such as antidepressants can treat symptoms of related conditions

No mention of hypnosis, allegedly the primary method of treatment?? (/sarc)

and there was no mention of plurality being exclusive to dissociative disorders

Oh, and no listed authors either.

So, after three thousand words of analysis, all we've come up with are nothing burgers, dogshit, and dogshit nothing burgers. Out of nine links, only one briefly and indirectly touched on endogenic plurality, and it was in favor. Even the argument against the traumaless DID strawman is weak at best. These sources are bad, to put it lightly.

@radpocalypse, if you're reading this, firstly, thank you for powering through your ADHD and dyslexia to read thousands of words dunking on your masterpiece. Secondly, if you have any more sources that you think are backing you, feel free to send them my way. Just uh, maybe read them more closely next time?

And that goes for everyone here. If you think you have a better source, or if I made a mistake or missed something here, I am open to correction. I am open to the idea that I'm wrong and I have some unknown trauma to work through, but I certainly won't go digging unless I have good reason to believe it's there, and I haven't seen any good reason. And if you haven't either, maybe it's time to reconsider your position.

One last thing before I go.

Have you ever actually seen a pro-endo carrd, let alone one cited in standalone? I haven't.

Here's a much longer list of much better sources than yours supporting endogenic plurality compiled by the traumagenic Guardians System. I don't expect you to read anywhere near the whole thing; just pick a few links at random. And yes, while many of them are peer-reviewed papers, some of them are Tumblr posts, but those Tumblr posts cite peer-reviewed papers, so it's all good.

Thanks for reading.

[leonawriter]

While reading the chapter, it's easy to go with the flow and see this as Conan urging the disabled lady to be moved swiftly to safety, but knowing that the one holding onto the wheelchair there is actually Kid, and he's asked for a favour.

It then becomes clear that the "Hurry!" is less "get out of the fire!" and more "We're on a tight schedule, move it or someone's gonna die!"

This is further hinted at when neither the old lady nor her assistant are seen near the front of the car some panels on:

I also went in knowing (remembering) that Kid would turn out to have been disguised as Shiho this time, but for some reason thought that Shinichi had (somehow) contacted the thief before entering the train.

He, as shown above, didn't.

I can only imagine the urgency he felt, because the plan is... delicate, let's say. Remove one piece from the board on their side, and everything falls apart. There's already too many wild cards. Shinichi HAS to have Kid on board, or they lose.

He likely knew way in advance by looking things up about the train, and Jirokichi, that Kid would be targeting that location, at that time. That they'd cross paths.

He knew that he had to figure out which passenger was Kid, hoping that he hadn't miscalculated, and convince him to play along with something that - even from the start, with how he says "shake off the bad guys going after her" - is dangerous.

Here he is as they're disembarking, talking on the phone to Kaito, likely in a way that's specifically easy to mis-hear as a normal conversation.

Shinichi may have known for a fact that things would become that dire, but at the same time - he quite possibly didn't know how many twists there'd be. He did know, at least, that his mother would be holding up Vermouth, which would take one card out of play and ensure Kid couldn't be tag-teamed by both Vermouth and Bourbon.

I'd even go as far as to suggest that the Shiho disguise was created by Yukiko, and given to him by Conan, as it's highly unlikely that he'd have been able to create it in that short frame of time.

He even warns Kaito here - "They'll probably try to corner her in the storage, where they've got some explosives, so be careful."

So like... as much as I've seen (and probably, at the time, felt myself) that it's an uneven debt... I'd go as far as to say this case emphasises how much Shinichi TRUSTS Kaitou Kid, and also how much he believes in Kid's abilities!

For one thing, Kaito now knows enough about not just Shinichi (he mentioned his mother at the previous heist) but also Haibara:

Do note that she's telling him exactly what to say here, via an ear piece. We don't see a voice changer on the phone she's implied to use earlier on, so it's equally likely he heard Shiho's voice (possible, since he'd need a frame of reference) or Haibara's voice (if he knows she's the child form of the lady he's impersonating, he'd simply age that voice up).

As for Shinichi trusting in Kaitou Kid's abilities?

Well, for that we just have to look back on the past several heists!

Especially the one for the Kirin's Horn, I'd say, since...

Kaito himself was the one to brag about how "I've shown that... nothing's impossible for this Kaitou Kid!" - something that is quickly followed up by Conan sticking an identifier to Kid's back and Kid STILL not being caught.

So Kaito proved that he is capable of disguising as literally anyone, no matter how unlikely or how little he has to go by, and that he's capable of not being caught even with a handicap.

No wonder Shinichi was desperate to have Kaito's help, as he trusted that someone like this, who had a sense of justice (see: Magic Lovers Murder Case, the Samizu Mansion Murder Case, the Four Masterpieces, Iron Tanuki, and Ryoma's gunbelt) would listen and help.

[finniestoncrane]

Yanno what id love to ask this purely for self indulgent reasons. What do you think of arkham eddie with an SO who's also autistic since we all are pretty damn sure he is? Like does the connection between them happen faster due to similar communication styles, how does he feel about parallel play, etc

YOU ARE JUST PREACHING TO ME THIS IS URGH and it made me feel so soft and warm. i'm going to try and NOT make this about my self-insert oc, but this is literally her and eddie, they are autistic 4 autistic/bisexual 4 bisexual love

but yeah, this is my daydreams literally written out 💚

i figure eddie would never have been diagnosed. he's old enough to not have been identified as anything other than "gifted" at school and i think his parents seem like the type who would avoid diagnosis out of ~shame~ so he'd be misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all (until batman comes along with his non-degree and decides eddie is an obsessive compulsive narcissist. which yeah, fair. but also hello pot, this is the kettle speaking????)

anyway i think he would avoid all long-term relationships out of trust and a need to prove himself as above human needs and completely elf-sufficient, but it'd be easiest for him to get on with someone who is also autistic, even if they had very different communication styles. and i bet that would confuse him at first like "why does this idiot not bother me as much as all the other idiots"

a lot of the "bonding" would be done in silence, and would probably come from a place of blunt honesty, where eddie realised he could trust his new friend because they're either not afraid enough to lie to him or are too honest to know better. and he'd relish the ability to turn to someone and say "you are making my space crowded with your existance and i need you to leave" without them getting all moody, because they'd understand immediately

there might be a point where he picks up on things that make his new buddy a lil bit different, but i think he'd recognise them as brilliance before he thought of them as something "wrong" with them. mostly, because he'd see himself reflected back. hyperfixations and obsessions with certain acts/scenarios/things, an either intense focus or a complete lack of it, prone to sensory overload (which eddie doesn't know the name of before he meets his friend, he just assumes he has anger issues and is bad for going into tantrums), and there's bound to be a point where they both come to the realisation that neither of them understands other people's emotions or morals (cue a shared conversation about how people think batman is acceptable but not eddie)

going back to the bonding in silence thing, he's 100% given the key to life when he realises parralell play works for him. like you're telling him that you can be in the same room with someone and do your own thing completely, but they're there if you think of a stupid pun or you want to walk over to them to say "look what i made" have them go "wow!" and then turn around and go back to work???? where has this BEEN all his life (although now that he thinks about it, he did enjoy quietly reading amongst the other inmates at arkham)

anyway, i think at a certain point he'd find the bravery to tell his new friend that he thinks they're soulmates. maybe he'd follow that up with a confusion about romantic intent or interest, maybe he'd request a formal recognition of their friendship. and no doubt his lil buddy would be confused until eddie says "we're soulmates because we are literally the same person. we do all the same things. we think the same way." and his friend is like "that's sweet, eddie. and yeah, we might be soulmates. but i think a lot of that is because we're both autistic"

and eddie is like

"we're both what? so you're? and i'm? OH!!!!!!!"

and then everything falls into place, like he's just solved a complex riddle he didn't even know he was working through and he's stuck standing there for a while like:

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Which tvtropes terms do you think best describes the bible: God and Satan Are Both Jerks, or God is Evil while Satan is Good?

For most of the bible, Satan is largely a non-entity. You would think, to listen to the religious, that the bible was filled with episode after episode of Satan and "Lord" duking it out, like Batman and the Joker endlessly doing battle. But for the most part, it's "Lord" conducting his own war on humanity.

Satan freed humanity from ignorant servitude in the Garden of Eden, and exposed God's dishonesty. But then he also participated in the harassment and torture of Job. He also "tempted" - aka "tested" - Jesus, and given he has neither the power nor authority to give the whole world to Jesus, this has "Lord's" grubby fingerprints all over it. Unless he does have the power and authority to give the whole world to Jesus, in which case Xians have a very large problem on their hands.

I do find it amusing that Satan still has a key to "Lord's" house and can just come and go as he pleases. And even when "Lord" spots Satan, he doesn't summon up his god-powers to destroy Satan, or even say, "you don't belong here, get the hell out." Instead, he says, "hey, while you're here, what do you think of my pal Job?" When Satan points out that Job is loyal because you gave him all this stuff, obvs, Lord says, "I give you permission, authority and power to screw with his life, you're just not allowed to touch him directly"

Satan should gone to Job and told him what "Lord" had come up with. "Lord" would have either had to lie and shown himself to us as the villain, or would have had to tell the truth and shown Satan to be the honest hero. Since Satan has no reason to protect "Lord," the story really only works if Satan works for "Lord."

Or it's just a bad story with continuity that betrays the fact it's written by ideologues who want you to accept their flawed, authoritarian morality, rather than understanding or even caring to tell a coherent story that maintains its internal consistency. Much like The Acolyte.

But the majority of the evil in the bible is conducted by "Lord" himself, and/or the humans, often at the command of "Lord."

Numbers 31:7-18

And they warred against the Midianites, as the Lord commanded Moses; and they slew all the males.

[..]

Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

With Gods like these, who needs Satans?

And with a god like this, anyone who is identified as a literal "adversary" against him has got to be at least benign, maybe even benevolent.

I'm sure some apologist would turn around and say that although Satan wasn't in the bible directly that much, he was influencing and "in the hearts of" people who did bad things. Which eliminates their ability to insist that "god didn't tell them to do that" when I bring up terrible things believers did in the name of "Lord." And I bet I can find far more of those. Not just in the bible, but throughout history.

So, in short, I think Satan is overblown in general, though it is, of course, obvious why priests would be determined to convince you otherwise. Part of the scam of selling you an imaginary solution is to convince you of an imaginary problem.

If I was to place Satan onto a character alignment chart, I'd put him under Chaotic Neutral.

But given a binary choice between "God and Satan Are Both Jerks" and "God is Evil"/"Satan is Good," I'd have to pick the latter over the former.

[autisticrosewilson]

I am so curious to know what you think would Willis and Slade (and/or Billy) think of each other, provided their children are dating

So first you have to decide what kid.

If it's one of the boys Willis's reaction is *TwoWillis war flashbacks* "I had a boyfriend once..."

But he's generally really supportive!!

If it's Grant, Willis thinks he's kind of a delinquent but he doesn't have room to judge. They actually get along pretty well because Grant reminds him a lot of himself when he was younger. Of course this means that he's quick to identify things that caused rifts in his past relationships and he recognizes a lot of the problems Grant is going through. They do a lot of the traditional dad-son things together that Grant always found tedious with Slade. With Willis's help Grant grows into the barbecue dad he was born to be.

If it's Joey, he's mildly (extremely) terrified of him. There's just something in his eyes that sends a shiver down Willis's spine. That's before he even finds out about Joey's ability. May or may not have a prototype meta inhibitor at the ready should Joey get any ideas. As you can imagine after being held and experimented on against his will, often sedated or paralyzed, Joey's ability to take control from someone just by looking at them is. Triggering.

If it's Rose, he's ecstatic. In some ways she reminds him of Cathy and despite how much of a menace she is he can tell she's a good kid with a big heart. He doesn't really know how to bond with her, so he kinda just gets her gifts and gives her a hearty pat on the back.

I think in Grant's case in particular Slade is high key jealous that Willis seems to get along with Grant so easily, it's the kind of bond he's always imagined himself having with Grant but he didn't know how to be a good parent and Grant was a child so it never happened. Hates Willis, possibly more than he hates Bruce just because he at least respects the Bats skill.

Addie shares her child support paychecks with Willis. Neither of them need child support they just like making Slade pay them. She hires Wingman for jobs sometimes, it's family bonding.

For Joey, I think he's initially amused that Willis is so freaked out but he definitely knows about Willis's contingency plan and he's always a little extra on guard. Definitely drops not-so-subtle hints that anything done to Joey will get paid back tenfold. I do think they have the potential to bond over the whole victims of experimentation thing, and the guilt over not being there for their families. Eventually they develop a more cordial relationship and Willis lets his guard slip around Joey.

Adeline knows about the contingency but it's not like she doesn't have plenty for Jason, so no harm no foul. Proud of Joey's ability to strike fear, but eventually she does manage to convince Willis that maybe Joey isn't evil incarnate. Generally, she's had a lot of friends with PTSD and she understands that Joey is basically a walking flashback.

I think Willis kind of reminds both of them of what Slade could have been, if things turned out different. Like Slade he was absent a lot of his son's life, and him hiding his identity from Jason in the beginning is very reminiscent of Slade hiding his from Grant. The difference is that Willis did crime to support his family, he loved his wife unconditionally, he did everything he could to make up with Jason when he got back. He didn't choose to be absent, he was forced.

Also if you go with my open marriage/poly Catherine and Willis headcanon then there's a lot of parallels between them and SladeAddie, but Slade chose infidelity where Cathy and Willis came to a mutual agreement and there was no love lost.

I think Slade and Willis get along the best when Rose and Jason are together. They're not close enough to the others kid to step on any toes, they're both pretty fond of the pairing, and they are united in their desire for grandkids.

I think Willis and Billy get along like a house on fire, fishing trips, actual hunting trips, cookouts, the whole shebang. Willis and Alfred also meet through Billy, and I think while Willis will always resent Bruce his respect for Alfred at least inspires him not to plot Batman's downfall.

[thoughts-of-loyalty]

9th Nitpick November time, and here's a bit of a quicker one I felt compelled to touch on after talking about weird Semblance stuff: why do so many side characters not have a Semblance named or identified at all, even in various fan events or the like?

I mean, I know it's presumptuous to assume every character has one, given that it's noted Semblances don't always awaken in folks (for example, Roman), but it feels like there are characters who should have Semblances, that the CRW/BY never bothered to even try to explore.

Here are at least a good handful of characters I think *should* have Semblances but for some reason don't have theirs identified:

The teachers we've met at the various schools. My reasoning is that, if they're going to teach students who have Semblances, it would be expected for them to have a Semblance. In particular, to my knowledge, Oobleck, Port (having been a part of the early Beacon Academy days) and Lionheart (who was the head of an academy) are standouts who you'd think could or would have had a Semblance but it's never identified if they do.

While he is a teacher, so he'd normally go in the above list, Taiyang is also a pretty big "This guy should have a Semblance" magnet in general, so I'm putting him separate. We know both his kids have one, and he was on a team with three other very skilled fighters (presumably so in Summer's case), so why have they never even hinted at him having one or namedropped it in a Q&A?

Sage. I admit I'm reading from the wiki because I will not be buying any RWBY books, so i can't confirm if it's mentioned in one and a fan wiki just ignored it (but I doubt it); but why is he the *only* one among his team to *not* have his Semblance namedropped in any official source?

And many, many others. There was a whole cast of characters introduced in Volume 3 alone for the Vytal Tournament, and yet only a few have actually had theirs revealed? Tournament Arc 101 is giving opponents all kinds of gimmicky cool abilities to play around with, and yet outside of FNKI (or just FN, even), almost nobody identifiably used their Semblance during it (i know Scarlet and Octavia did, but neither were identifiably indicated as such during their fight - heck, until i checked the wiki, i didn't even think it might be a Semblance, i thought it might've just been a movement skill unique to her, like using Dust in her shoes to propel her).

It's just such a waste, you've got a system of "most Semblances are unique to the individual" as prime real estate for fun fights, or can even make for Q&A fodder if they're bit characters, but nah, those characters never get their Semblances identified. Just such wasted potential.

[team-heavenly]

Chapter 22 - Part 2

Lest you've lost your way, click here to progress (regress?) back to Part 1.

...Okay, now I'm officially worried.

Meanwhile, back in the Real World™️ (shout-out to my buddy @kantochampred!):

Alright, I'm about to go off on a small side tangent here but I promise it's worth it-

(Sorry to post your sins on main, Red 😔)

(Why Do I Climb the Mountain? is a reference btw)

LMAO OKAY thank you for bearing with me, now back to the main show:

Good job, neither of those two things is correct!

...Okay, Cherrim has replaced Drifblim, yes, but. Imagine this tiny seed holding Teresa and Andrea by their little stubby hands while riding the wind down the mountain.

I had to look up a walkthrough to identify that little Riolu to the right. Normally, that's an Exeggcute! (And the backup for Team Frontier, apparently).

The Third Station Pass was dubbed Great Turn, while the clearing was called:

Admittedly, I had no idea what an "oubliette" was, so I did a quick search and...

Wait a minute, are you freaking kidding me-

WE ARE STARRING IN A WAR DRAMA AAAAAAAAAAAA-

(Apologies for the small text at the start, let me know if I need to add an image description!)

...No >:l

The only reason I left this in is because this happened:

Oh my God yes PLEASE-

So fun fact, I actually did a dry run of the first few dungeons before doing it for real and taking photos. And the first time around, this gift was an Escape Orb? Which isn't bad, but I would 100% take the Reviver Seed over that any day.

The 4th Station Pass was named Sad Peninsula. (Florida? Dat you?) And the 4th Station Clearing? See below.

But then!

(Handsome Desolation? Is this where the handsome men in uniform... perish?! 😓)

I feel like a large, prehistoric rock dino should be enough to scare most things, but I guess taking the even larger rock snake as backup can't hurt.

So we go through the 5th Station Pass, Sandy Way... (Only one letter different from Sandy Bay.)

I. Don't remember why I took a picture of this. The downfalls of not immediately composing posts after the playthrough...

But yeah, those giant two-room dungeons with guaranteed MH's and a huge mass of enemies in the other room aside is definitely a theme and I hate it.

Andrea consumed enough Gummis to obtain this IQ skill, which is awesome since Max Elixirs are so hard to come by.

Look at this!! I'm pretty sure Blizzard only had 7 PP before! Yee haw!

I wonder which Pokémon are the ones bothering Sneasel Pichu?

OH NOOO!! I'm imagining this grisly scene where all these Combusken are just pecking Pichu to death.

Team Frontier happens to beat us to the punch:

I love that Onix is so big that she blocks Nidoran F.

Like all territorial encroachments in Mystery Dungeon, everyone just jumps right into the fray without listening to anyone 🙄

Honestly, all of Team Frontier was pretty based. Jolteon had an ability that allowed him to attack twice in a row (I think because the weather was different?) and he consistently used X-Scissor. Nidoran F had Sesimic Toss (55 damage) and Ice Beam. Deoxys had Attack Order, Seed Flare, Rock Wrecker(!), and Swift, the last hitting for 120 damage on a critical. Combined with Teresa's Chatter (when we finally got there, because you start off a ways from everyone), they didn't stay up for much longer.

Also Jolteon shielded me when Teresa got low on HP 🥺️

"SIT DOWN FOR TWO SECONDS AND LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, I SWEAR TO ARCEUS!"

"We owe you..." -> Yet another line from this game that never made any sense to me. (Unless it was sarcasm ig?)

💀You what

Hey, speaking of... I know Onix is huge and all, but have y'all seen Pichu since the fight started...?

(Beep boop, click here to advance to Part 3)

[fox-buried-in-maple-leaves]

May I have reaper babies fun facts please?

YES YOU FUCKING MAY.

Lucian is a champagne fox, as mentioned. That means that dude is PINKish- its very cute.

Helena is a very curly furred cross-fox!

This sort of coat! But she's super curly.

Sienna is a silver fox like Alee, but she's the runt of the litter, and small enough she can literally ride Alee around in his fox form.

(but Alee is larger, yeah.)

I'll also add my tags from their other post and describe things better:

Because for all intents and purposes, the reapers act as 'humans' rather than any magical being, all of the kids are fox sorcerers, like Alee. This means none of the kids actually have any of their reaper parents' abilities, nor do they develop any differently from their siblings.

That being said, there are some interesting caveats. For instance, Lucian has the Destan magical trait of water magic. Its a pretty common Destan magical ability. But as all magical abilities, there is a chance for evolution. Lucian's magic has evolved for him to be able to wield melanomancy, or, ink magic. Much like his father, Mieran. But its a mere evolution of the Destan water trait.

Similarly, Helena gained Alee's ability to control pyromancy. Lumio is also a pyromancy user, however, he has control over ash. Whereas Alee does not. As such, Helena has worked very very hard (and for many years) to exert mastery over ash as a byproduct of her pyromancy. It isn't tied to Lumio, but it is possible because of her determination to be closer to her dad's magic.

Sienna is a funny case, she has an enhanced sense of smell. As a fox sorcerer, or an animal sorcerer in general, this is already enhanced. But hers is far more advanced. She teases Heath as to being the reason for this, but really its again just a natural evolution of her sorcery.

Nonetheless, the kids all have something that slightly matches their reaper parent, even though they're all just natural evolutions to their sorcery.

Later on, Alee tried to game the system with Mieran and Lumio. More as a test to see what would happen. Using Mieran's egg, Lumio's sperm, and his own body to surrogate. They wanted to see if they could make a child for the reapers.

That didn't go according to plan? They ended up with twins. Oliver and Angèl. Oliver is born from Mieran's dna, while Angèl is born from Lumio's. With Alee contributing the other necessary dna. Well, at least they figured it out.

Angèl does actually have vitiligo in his hair as well, the picrew just didn't have that option. Same with Helena. Angèl's covered eye is actually a dark faded blue from the vitiligo as well.

Funnily enough, none of the kids identify with the gender binary. Like you can't get away with calling Lucian a man or Helena a woman, ect ect. They all have some type of disconnect from gender.

Surprisingly, its both Cian and Sienna that are the most artistic. Cian wants to be an artist like Mieran and Fennel, while Sienna is a photographer.

Lucian and Oliver are both very blond because Mieran's own hair is depigmented, not just 'blond', despite Alee contributing literally black hair genes to these kids.

They were all kinda surprised at how dark Angèl's hair is, but the white patches throughout his hair are very prominent. Sometimes he dyes them, even though his parents are very supportive of his body and choices.

Sienna and Cian both have silver hair because Heath's hair is fully silver and the Destans have a silver hair gene (which is whats responsible for so many of the kids, Alee included, getting whites/silvers at young ages)

Cian and Sienna also both have an orange tint to their red eyes, thanks cenn.

Neither Oliver nor Angèl get red eyes, but that's okay. The brown (/blue) eyes are very nice.

Helena's eyes are the same dark red shade as Alee's, none of the other reaper kids have the same shade.

Funnily enough neither Helena nor Lucian have freckles. Everyone else does.

Alee probably would have tried the same thing he did with Mieran and Lumio to end up with the twins, for Cirino and Heath to get the same experience, but twins scared him too much. :sob: maybe in the future. They had Cian to even out the numbers LOL

Oliver is a very blond fox, its very cute. Not pink like Lucian, but blond. Angèl's vitiligo is visible in fox form! Cian is a fucking red fox, a normal Destan red fox. He hATES IT-

[darkrezhim]

Yes! Someone else! All the reasoning I've collected to support this is below the cut ^w^

Blonde, slick, straight hair. Oralie has curly hair, but Sophie’s is straight, likely meaning the father has straight hair. Her hair is also slick, similar to Lord Cassius.

Lord Cassius and Sophie both have similar skin tones.

They both have different abilities, which was a measure by the Black Swan to help make the parents difficult to identify.

I think they have a similar facial structure?

The Black Swan wasn’t keen on having him join, and he wasn’t too keen to join early on either, likely to avoid contact with Keefe. The reason he later wanted to join to be with Keefe is because he secretly loves Keefe, but he doesn’t want to show it. This could possibly be because he hasn’t shown much affection towards Sophie, so he either wants to make it even, or he wants Keefe to turn out like Sophie did, which would make sense considering Lord Cassius does indeed respect Sophie.

Keefe’s enhanced empathy with Sophie could be a sign that they are related.

Genes: Cassius is blonde, Keefe is blonde, and Sophie is blonde. Ok so we can probably conclude that Sophie gets her blonde-ness from Oralie but I have actually figured out that it is entirely impossible for anyone not blonde to be Sophie’s dad. See first off it’s impossible that Sophie dad has black hair due to dominant and recessive genes (imagine uppercase B (dominant)= Black hair and lowercase b(recessive)= is Blonde hair. If you do the math all possible combinations of the parents will always be Bb, (either have black or brown hair BUT that child has the ability to have a child with blonde hair) anyway, hair is slowly turning brown, technically so should Sophie’s at this point, but it isn’t) so It can’t be brown hair either. Which leaves only a blonde hair possibility (it could  be red but no one with red hair is male and developed that hasn’t been disproved).

Alicorn: only Sophie and Keefe have a connection with. This one is kind of obvious but only them and them alone have a connection with Silveny and it was kind of weird but it’s states “I think glitter butt likes me!” But it never states why, perhaps she noticed something similar with Keefe and Sophie so Silveny trusted Keefe more.

The theory of Moonlarks is that they put their eggs at sea for them to survive on their own. But they’re secretly watching over. Most people would assume mr. Forkle but it’s already disproven that it’s neither of the forkles. What’s one person who’s blonde who’s kind of keeping track of her, watching her with “interest” lord Cassius. Of course he doesn’t know that’s his daughter but he could still be watching out for her because it’s his son's best friend.

Sophie reacts stronger with Empaths and Telepaths, so that is likely a parent's ability.

Silveny is Sophie's step mom since she is with Greyfell, who had his DNA used to model Sophie's. Silveny seems to have a good connection with both Sophie AND Keefe, both of whom were born with DNA configurations, from Lord Cassius? He wouldn't be as likely to decline the offer if he had done it before, even if he didn't remember. So Silveny would be like a step aunt or something if it was Lord Cassius?

The mother and father don't have any big connections as a safety measure.

unfortunately the theory that cassius sencen is sophie's biological father makes a horrifying amount of sense. keefe and sophie both have blond hair. disdain for the law. photographic memories. terrible decision making skills. are these hereditary traits? a coincidence? is there such a thing? :(

[troglobite]

re: my lrb abt autistic processing (copied & pasted from my rambling abt it in the tags of the reblogs, then i didn't wish to be Perceived so i bailed and am posting abt it here instead)

i'm also now thinking abt something v interesting

okay so part of the reason i pursued an english degree was bc i think this process make literature analysis intuitive to me? i'm guessing

in hs we were being taught how to write higher level analytical essays, and all of the steps and assignments to learning it and parsing out the different pieces of planning and writing the essay were actively detrimental to my ability to do so

i was like STOP MAKING ME GO THROUGH A BOOK AND PULL OUT QUOTES AT RANDOM STOP MAKING ME WRITE MULTIPLE DIFFERENT THESIS STATEMENTS STOP IT!!!

bc i could finish reading a thing, be given a direction for a prompt, and then go okay here's my thesis statement and entire essay concept

and to the traditional teaching and order of operations that was Wrong, bc How Do You Have a Thesis Without Evidence? but i DID have evidence, i just had to go back and find it now that i'd coalesced it into an argument

i did the processing of details and evidence WHILE READING. it made no sense to me that you would finish reading something and NOT have an observation or argument to make abt its mechanics and purpose.

luckily my teacher was really neurodivergent-friendly, even if neither of us knew that's what it was at the time, and he went yeah no problem you can skip these assignments or do them differently. you can already do this just keep practicing i don't wanna mess w your process.

so that was v nice, highlight of my young education. is this bragging? i'm not gonna put this in the tags i'm making a separate post.

okay copied & pasted section over

but the reason this feels like bottom-up autistic processing is--

none of the other kids would have a Clear Idea abt what the book was already abt. the way it was often taught was more open-ended in our classes that year bc the point was to encourage us to read critically ourselves and learn to develop this skill. and so to them, they go into a book and are lost in the forest bc they can't see/understand the trees. they get to the end and are like What Just Happened. then they have to go back and start looking at all the trees again, now that they have a rough idea of the size and shape of the forest, and maybe the type of forest it is (rain, temperate, conifer, etc.)

so i'm not a genius master at this, but i feel like the only "big" concept i need is Story, or Book, or whatever. and then i walk in and immediately start encountering and identifying trees.

by the time i walk out the other side, i've already collected all of that information as part of my journey. so as soon as i look back, i have all the information to make sense of the Larger Context of the forest, and i go "oh i see. so THAT'S why this thing/pattern happened."

that's what feels bottom-up to me

i was honestly worried and gaslighting myself like "no that's definitely top-down" but it's not. if it was, i would need to what kind of book or story beforehand, etc., and have that to guide me. but i think that's counterintuitive, personally. i think it can become obvious what someone thinks, really, when reading their writing (given that they are/were in a temporal and geographical context close enough to your own to have reference points). then getting extra information abt that later is further helpful.

anyway there's my little bit of reflection for the day.

which unfortunately isn't terribly helpful w my ongoing crisis of identity at the moment bc it doesn't answer many questions, but it does sort of offer empirical evidence that that is something i'm good at, that my brain likes to do.

and also i want to own up to the fact that sometimes i finish reading something and i go "idk wtf to make of that. goddamn."

and that could be bc it was poorly written or was trying to say a lot. it could be bc it didn't mesh w my brain. it could be bc i need the act of writing abt the piece of writing to understand it (the way i have to talk out loud to understand my feelings abt something). it could be many things. but point being: i'm not trying to brag that i'm some magnificent genius, and i'm not trying to say this particular thing should be Easy for all autistic ppl. the way my brain works w words and stories is such that the bottom-up processing applies here and works well, but it's not the case for everyone.

i wish i hadn't spent the last minute or two typing that up bc i guarantee no one reads this and less self-deprecatingly, i'm tired of feeling like i have to anticipate a negative reaction to something and i'm tired of being responsible for someone misreading this and taking it as an insult if they weren't good at this same thing or assuming this makes either me or them not autistic bc we're not the same on this point

i just need the baseline understanding to be that NOTHING IS UNIVERSAL and ppl talking abt their own experiences is JUST THAT AND NOTHING MORE. it is also an invitation for ppl to relate. but y'know. anyway.

how and why am i managing the feelings of hypothetical ppl who probably won't even read this? i'm v tired.

[triflesandparsnips]

A brief follow-up re: this shit right here

Am I using another gif of the exact same scene just so I can watch it again from a slightly different artistic perspective? Yes, absolutely.

Since posting my feral feels regarding this scene in OFMD, I've seen rather a lot of reactions, and to be absolutely clear holy shit I love everyone in this bar & grill.

I would like to break down the reactions, though, and provide some additional commentary because it turns out I have EVEN MORE FEELINGS.

1. "My heart, my eyes, I'm screaming, I'm gnawing wood" and variations thereof

Amazing, no notes.

2. "Now that Stede knows he loves Ed, his Game will become Too Powerful"

I feel it's important to state that the beauty of this moment is only possible because

"On-Purpose Queer-Coded Language To Identify Each Other Safely"

and

"I'm Gonna Be Real Careful With My Wording Because I Like Pretty Things But I Don't Need Broken Ribs Today"

are often indistinguishable in the moment. To Ed? Stede has just done an elegant bit of coded communication. (THERE WAS A HANKY FOR FUCKS' SAKE.) It's part of why he goes in for a kiss-- and then promptly does a quick slide into a homosocially acceptable bro-punch when Stede doesn't immediately lean in too. Ed's still doing safety checks, and he'll continue doing them for several more episodes, but he's definitely added at least one tick mark -- possibly the first tick mark -- in his mental "does Stede do ~dalliances" tally sheet.

To Stede, though? He got to Be Himself and he did it Right so Hooray he didn't get his Face Caved In. While my dude needs to take some time to consider why it's so important to him that he Be Himself around This Particular Guy in This Particular Way, he is definitely not reading from the same set of notes as Ed. His mental tally sheet? Is still labeled "is this a Friend y/n." Because in Stede's past even trying to form friendships ended up with verbal abuse and weirdly sexualized violence so, like, Stede has a VERY different starting point than Ed on this one.

(And tbh, I think @kohlrabisabi's reply to the original post really hits a lot of this well. Stede is absolutely just… doing an extension of his own learned "safe" behavior and it HAPPENS to correspond with what Ed "knows" safe behavior like that "means." From a queer narrative point of view it doesn't particularly matter that Stede does in fact turn out to be in love with Ed-- he still betrayed the shared language that was supposed to finally make it safe for Ed to believe there was an Understanding between them, and therefore the fact that Stede didn't show up at the dock isn't just heartbreaking, it's an actively traumatic experience for Ed as a queer man.)

(The flip side of this is that it's not particularly fair of Ed to depend entirely on The Secret Code of Gay to interpret Stede's full thoughts on this extremely life altering situation, and perhaps spending five goddamn minutes just talking openly and making sure everyone's on the same page would've saved us all a lot of toes, okay.)

ALL THIS TO SAY: Lol no, if Stede tries to woo Ed now, it's going to be awkward straight-guy courtship outta manuals because that's what he thinks you're supposed to do, it'll be amazingly awful and I cannot fucking wait. We'll only see our slow and coded queer seduction vibes when Stede is, once again, trying not to get stabbed by Blackbeard.

3. "How does a television show do this, how is All This Meaning done by thirty people in a clown car driven by HBO"

The queer experience is nonetheless the human experience; we've been humans for a long time and our stories tend to repeat a lot. Also, all art is collaborative, and the audience is doing the bulk of the heavy lifting when engaging with any work of art -- therefore it's not thirty people in a clown car, it's millions of people collectively recognizing a shared/lived experience as accurate within our own contexts and imbuing it with yet further meaning because our ability to do so has neither directly nor indirectly been contradicted by the narrative.

tl;dr: Magic.

[one-sad-human]

•Worth It• Duff Mckagan

Pairing: Velvet Revolver era! Duff Mckagan x Younger! Reader

Requested? Nope!

Theme: Little bit of everything/???

Warnings: Language, panic attacks, anxiety references, drug references

Word Count: 3k

A/N: Fic 2 of 2! This is the longest fic yet! Took a different approach to writing this one, hopefully it payed off. Let me know if you guys liked it or if I wasted my time with this one lol.

     You had met Duff in a coffee shop in LA. It was crowded and you were lucky enough to snag a chair before the lunch rush. Duff wasn't, and asked you if he could sit at your table.

     You grew up with Guns n Roses, bought his solo album the day it came out when you were just 15, and now listened to Velvet Revolver faithfully. To see your idol, your celebrity crush stand right in front of you holding a cup of coffee and a scone sent you for a loop.

     "Of course," you had said, starry eyed. You were only hoping he was as kind as the interviews made him out to be. Maybe have a conversation with you and be polite for a while before leaving and never seeing each you again. That would be good enough.

     It didn't end with a coffee, it had just begun. He asked for your number, and you stared at him for a moment thinking you had imagined it. That was until he tilted his head a little and looked at you with a nervous expression. He backtracked and you immediately stopped him.

     "No! I mean— yes! Yes, you can absolutely have my number." You scrambled for a pen and paper and ended up scratching your number on a receipt from the record store. You shook so hard you could barely get the numbers down.

     Out of all the record store receipts you've stuffed into your bag, the one you gave Duff Mckagan had to be the one for when you bought Velvet Revolver's 'Contraband.' He didn't say anything, just smiled and promised to call.

     You honestly didn't think he would've. You played it off as just him trying to be nice. It didn't stop you from answering every call you got for the next three days, however, even if you recognized the number as the tax collector you'd normally never answer.

     But then he called.

     "I tried calling sooner, but I kept calling the wrong number. You don't have the most eligible handwriting," he had told you. You laughed but really, you were in shock.

     You set up a date at the fancy restaurant downtown that always intimidated you. You didn't say anything though, even though you knew you wouldn't want any of the overpriced food and you'd end up eating something you couldn't pronounce and was two portions too small. Maybe even hit up a fast food joint afterwards.

     When the day finally came, you couldn't even figure out what to wear. You couldn't tell if you looked underdressed or like you were trying too hard. Did the clothes even fit the right way? What would Duff think? Would he even care?

     All questions were answered when you left your house. Duff was leaning against his slick car parked in your driveway, a button up that was barely buttoned and dress pants with boots. He stared at you and you wanted a hole in the ground to shallow you up until he smiles.

     "You look gorgeous," he said. You blushed and grinned, thanking him before saying that he looked great too. He drove you to the restaurant and on the way, you talked about music.

     You shared some of your favorites, he adored how well rounded you were. You liked pretty much everything from punk rock to the mellowest of mellow. Duff mentioned some of his favorites, some you made sure to remember the names of so you can check them out.

     When the ride was over and you finally got to the restaurant, your previous fears came back. Duff reassured you looked better than 90% of the people there and you knew it wasn't true but it made you feel better anyway.

     Your eyes widened to the size of saucers when you saw the prices of the food. You knew it'd be pricey but you thought there'd be more options that stayed within two digit numbers.

     Duff saw your panicked expression and said not to worry, he'd pay. It didn't settle your nerves enough and when the waiter came, you ordered the cheapest and simplest thing you could find.

     "Chicken noodle soup?" He teased. You shyly looked down and shrugged. "This isn't your scene, is it?"

     "Not exactly, no."

     "Want me to be completely honest with you?" You nodded. "It's not mine either."

     That's all it took for you and Duff to scramble sheepishly out of the restaurant. You both shared a laugh in the car and went to Burger King. It was much more your speed and, as you'd find out that night, Duff's too. You suppose all the money he's had since such a young age didn't completely change his ways. He was like a kid trapped in a 40 year old man's body.

     You'd thought at first the age gap would feel strange, after all, you were 15 years younger than him. But after that night, it was barely noticeable. Funny looks from strangers every once in a while was nothing.

     By the second date, Duff was already aware fancy spots weren't your forte. He told you it was a surprise and to wear something cozy, as LA nights got chilly.

     He packed a picnic basket and drove you out to the most beautiful flower field you had ever seen at sunset. It was secluded and high up, giving a perfect view of the city skyline. After gawking and taking in the sights for a few moments, you regained your ability to speak.

     "It's gorgeous. Pretty far from the city, did you take me here to kill me?" You joked. He laughed and rolled his eyes. His lighthearted laugh sent sparks straight to your heart, and you decided that it was your favorite sound.

     You unfolded the blanket Duff brought and you both sat down. You ate the sandwiches and sliced fruit Duff packed and talked. You talked about everything, from your family to fears and insecurities.

You told him how you suffer from nightmares. Flashbacks from your broken childhood coming back to bite you in your sleep. Duff shared how he's suffered from panic attacks since he was a teenager. You felt you knew each other for years.

Neither of you felt weird for sharing and neither made the other insecure. You were completely open and honest with each other. It was strange, you've never connected to quickly and effortlessly with someone before. Sure, you've had men in your life, but never had you clicked with someone so fast, never had you fit with someone so perfectly.

Hours passed and it felt like minutes. Only did you realize how late and how exhausted you were when you saw most of the city buildings light have gone off for the night. The city that didn't sleep was dark.

"I should get you home," Duff said to you.

"Will you stay the night?" You felt a little silly for asking. Were things going too fast? Would he even want to stay over?

He agreed, and that's how your first night together went. You both stayed up even later and had more lighthearted conversations, unlike the ones that partook at the field. Like how one of Duff's first jobs was at a bakery and could bake a mean cake and how you can't cook to save your life.

You ended up waking up without remembering falling asleep. You're head was placed comfortably on Duff's lap while his head was lolled back against the couch cushion. He looked so serene and peaceful you couldn't help but smile at the sight.

You made toast and somewhat successfully cooked some eggs and bacon. It might have been the first breakfast in years that didn't end with the smoke alarm going off.

Duff eventually wandered into the kitchen and you both ate. By the time he left, another date was already set up. He was like a drug an you were already hooked.

Months later and the addiction still wasn't kicked. You didn't want to, and Duff didn't seem to want you to quit either. You both soaked each other up like the sun on a warm day.

You had almost weekly dates and you stayed over each other's houses almost every other day. Duff did have his kids some days, though, so some days dates were cut short or Grace and Mae slept over his house and you wouldn't see each other.

You were always understanding, his kids came first and you'd never blame or get upset about it. It's something Duff admires about you, your never ending understanding and empathy for him.

One of those days where Duff stayed over at your house started normal. He cooked dinner and you washed the dishes, and then you put on an old Ramones concert you had on DVD.

You were laying on his chest, his fingers running through your hair when all of a sudden, he tensed up. He quickly stood and excused himself to the bathroom. You frowned but before you could think much of it, you heard a loud bang and something clatter to the ground.

You jumped up and rushed to the bathroom. You swung open the door because you were perfectly aware the lock hasn't worked since you moved in.

Duff was sitting on the floor, a pill bottle laying on its side not far from him. You quickly spot the name of the medication and identified it as your anti-anxiety pills. You shoved them aside and sat next to Duff.

He was sweating bullets and his skin felt cold and clammy, his breaths were labored and heartbeat was loud and pounding erratically. You coax him gently to take deep breaths, holding onto his hand tightly and talking quietly.

"I'm sorry, they come on randomly sometimes," he apologized after he'd called down, but you quickly shushed him. You reminded him of just how many nightmares he'd comforted you for and he stops feeling so bad about it.

     It was always a true partnership with Duff. Never had you felt you gave or took too much, it was always equal. Always a two way street, with everything.

That wasn't the last panic attack you had to help him come down from. Later down the line you've gotten better at calming him down and learning his triggers, even though sometimes they really do come on suddenly without reason.

A year into the relationship was when you met Grace and Mae. They were young and didn't completely understand why their parents weren't together anymore, so it took them a while to warm up to you. Luckily, they eventually came around.

Duff and Susan met up regularly to discuss their kids and co-parent properly. And while you had all the reason to be jealous of your boyfriend with his ex wife, you never did. You had complete confidence in him, he was honest and loyal and you doubted he'd ever hurt you purposely.

That's why it destroyed you when he left you. Tears were shed from both parties as he gave his reasons for breaking up with you. His insecurities he tried his best to bury had come to light and nothing could change his mind.

You thought you were completely honest with each other, but you suppose his doubt in his relationship with you was the one thing he kept secret. He had somehow convinced himself you'd be better without him, between the constant touring and the baggage that came with him and his kids, he finally buckled under the weight and stress.

You had tried to convince him that he was worth it, but if Duff is one thing it's stubborn. The best relationship you'd ever have and the best year of your life went down the drain within the matter of one conversation.

You were down in the dumps for days. You barely left your bed and didn't ever leave your house. You were in a depression and couldn't get out. A few of your friends eventually found out what had happened and broke into your house and shoved you into the shower before taking you to your favorite Chinese restaurant.

You felt like a disaster. Your hair was ratted despite the shower and you refused to put real clothes on, instead wearing sweatpants and a shirt Duff had left behind. You were a mess.

The hole in the wall restaurant was never busy but always had the best food. You were almost happy your friends dragged you out of your home until you saw Duff sitting at a table, eating egg rolls and lo mein.

You've came here together all the time. The high sodium in the food always made him sick to his stomach and you'd always end up giving him nausea remedies and tea. He never changed his order though.

You locked eyes with him for a while. Dark bags were under his eyes and he looked more pale than usual. He looked as terrible as you felt. You weren't sure if you were spitefully glad he felt awful or if the despair on his face just made your heart break further.

When you couldn't take his intense jade stare anymore, you looked up at the menu. The next time you looked back he was gone, you weren't sure if he was really there at all or if you were finally losing your mind for good.

     Another week crawled by. You got better enough to continue working. You had to pick up extra time for calling out for a few days after the breakup. You wouldn't say things were going well, but you weren't crying in bed every day all day anymore.

     You had constant dreams about him. Some were nice, ones where he didn't leave and you were together, holding each other tightly. Most were nightmares, flashbacks of when he left. You didn't have him to comfort you anymore when you woke up soaked in sweat and tears, and that might've been the worst.

     Another week went by, and you were starting to get back into the swing of things. You still thought about him, even silly little things reminded you of him. Like when you would catch a sniff of freshly baked sweets like he'd bake you or certain songs playing on the radio. It also didn't help that you ran into people wearing Guns n Roses shirts on the daily.

     You also refused to get rid of anything he'd left behind. Tee shirts, guitar picks he left from when he'd play for you, or CDs from bands he introduced you to. Reminders of what you lost were scattered around your home but you couldn't bring yourself to do anything about it.

     Suddenly, it's been a month. You weren't over him, but you had a feeling you'd never be completely. He was something special, you can't forget things as special as your relationship with Duff.

     His items still weren't thrown out or returned, instead all packed in a box sitting in your closet. But you'd be lying if you said you would never reach into the box to grab a shirt to sleep in or a CD to listen to when you needed a reminder of the good times. You were making progress though.

     You decided to leave your house one evening. You were feeling especially terrible and wanted to take a walk to clear your head. You went to the coffee shop you had first met Duff in. Maybe it was a mistake to go and get a flood of memories but you couldn't stop yourself.

     You sat in a seat near the window and people watched, taking occasional sips of your drink. It was quiet except from the talk of the workers and the hum of the overhead speakers.

     There was a sudden squeak of a chair of hardwood floors and it broke you out of your daze. You snapped your gaze up to meet the very familiar green eyes you've been trying to forget.

     "Can we talk?" He asked, and you couldn't say 'no.' Duff sat across from you and started off by apologizing.

     He said he wanted to talk to you sooner, but was too afraid you wouldn't want anything to do with him. You rolled your eyes at that, if only he knew just how much you missed him.

     He then started from the beginning and explained why he made the decision to leave you. As it turns out, it was mostly because of stress. His bandmate Scott was having problems with drugs and the flashbacks from his GnR days frightened him. He was worried he would end up relapsing and he didn't want to drag you down with him.

     Combine that with all the troubles that came with dating a single father, and he couldn't take it anymore. He felt too guilty.

     It all seemed like ridiculous reasons to you. Even if he had made the mistake of falling off the wagon, you still would've stuck with him. And you didn't mind his kids at all, after nearly a year of knowing them and you were very close to them.

     "I love you, Duff. I wouldn't have left you over that, I'd help you through anything. And I love Grace and Mae, too," you told him.

     "I know, but I didn't want you to have to deal with all that baggage." You frowned at that. You reached your hand across the table and grasped his, squeezing it tenderly.

     "You're worth it."

     After that day, you and Duff started seeing each other again. It wasn't the same as before, but maybe even better.

     You were more transparent with each other. If one had a worry or problem, you'd go to the other. You talked everything through with him and he did the same. Even if it seemed insignificant, talking everything through never failed to make it better.

    You were happier and healthier than ever before. Sure, there were a roadblock or two, but they only made the relationship even stronger, and you wouldn't have changed a thing about it.

[tarnishedxknight]

{ If this doesn't work, feel free to ignore it, but... I was thinking... maybe for a verse in which Munoh takes interest in Gylfie instead of Caelen? }

Munoh had been watching this one for a while now. So strong. So determined. So full of promise. And so very desperate to prove herself. Gylfie fascinated Munoh, for she had the drive to succeed and very easily could with her ability, but some of those around her seemed to feel she was somehow inferior. Her own father, for example. And Gylfie, much to Munoh's dismay, seemed to be internalizing such criticism and allowing it to rattle her considerably.

It was ones such as Gylfie whom Munoh took a special interest in. Ones who just wanted to be free to follow their chosen path in life, but who were oppressed by others in some way. With a little advice, a little encouragement, a little validation, and perhaps a lot of intervention, it was astounding what some humes could accomplished.

However, even though her emotional distress and social difficulty did identify her as similar to those Munoh had chosen to assist in the past, Gylfie was in some ways very different from their usual potential hume beneficiaries. For one thing, she was not a peaceful person, at least not on the surface. She was most definitely a warrior, both in career and temperament. Munoh didn't like to see humes fight amongst themselves and kill each other, but they did like the fact that Gylfie seemed not to do so without good cause. She had values and clear ideas on what she wanted for her homeland, and they decidedly deviated greatly from those of Venat's chosen hume, Vayne Solidor.

It was this difference, and the disturbing signs of unrest within the great empire of Archadia, that Munoh decided they would indeed take this hume under their proverbial wing... assuming the hume wanted such a thing that is. They never forced their help or advice on anyone who did not want it, of course. The time was now, to introduce themself and see how receptive this particular hume might be to a little "divine" intervention.

As Gylfie prepared to go back into the ring yet again and continue to push herself towards an unattainable feeling of closure, Munoh dispelled the cloaking magicks that kept them hidden from sight and sound and made themselves perceptible only to Gylfie.

"Greetings, child of the Archadian Empire," Munoh said, their tone gentle and inquisitive. "Fear not. I am Munoh, an Occurian. Long have I watched you struggle, Judge Gylfie Ynarra, daughter of Takrin. Resilient in mind and body, fierce and proud, you are, yet oft troubled by life's mis'ry and the machinations of men. Yours is a tale most inspiring to me, and I would have neither it nor you be lost amidst the relentless turn of Time's Wheel and the violent Tides of Fate."

Munoh slowly drifted a bit as they spoke. "We Occuria oft alter the Fate of Mankind. Regrettably, we centuries have driven humes toward dreams of violence, of war and obliteration, while honor and decency slumb'ring rest, their bright horizons darkened by tow'ring ambitions birthed of selfishness and greed. I have broken from their circle, from championing both despot and tyrant alike, and would see humes such as yourself succeed in their stead. You carry within your heart a diff'rent vision for beloved Empire and Ivalice both, one that would have the Path of War stretch not in perpetuity. I would encourage this, and you. I offer my aid, advice, and companionship, if such things be of use to you."

With that, they waited to gauge her response. Sometimes Munoh didn't know what to expect from humes. Some were terrified of them, some were disbelieving, and still others were uninspired. Which would Judge Ynarra be, they wondered?

And Again | open rp

If she were wise, she would have left hours ago. There was no excuse she would need to fabricate, for the throbbing pain that radiated out from her scar, down her chest and up her neck, was more than obvious by the way she held herself. By the way she recoiled and kept her jaw clenched tight, and the way she staggered and looked as though she may fall to her knees. While healed, it was still far too tender, she knew, for her to be pushing herself as much as she was. And if she were wise, she would not let the taunts and jeers of her fellow soldiers get to her. She would have ignored them, trained for a short spell, and retreated to allow her body to recover. To ease herself back into such a rigorous routine, instead of breaking herself.

But she had always been too headstrong for her own good.

Gylfie knew she could, and should, leave. She could still join the others at the tavern and have a drink or two before returning to her quarters for the night. She could spend the night with Myriel, to be in the care of someone who loved her, before she returned at dawn to continue. Her injury had not removed her from service completely, but her time spent healing had rusted her. Her movements were not as fluid as they had been only months before. She felt slow and clumsy like she was on her first day, rather than the experienced soldier she was. It was humiliating, and only added fuel to the fire. To the idea that there was a reason why women could not serve. Her father would pounce on her weakness soon, she knew, if she did not catch up. So she pushed herself to keep going. To keep trying. Again. And again. And again.

And it was why she sat there still, on the steps leading down into the ring with her helm at her side and her head in her hands. She was exhausted, and that much was evident in the way her body seemed to barely support itself in her armor. In the way her hands trembled and the way she kept her eyes closed. Blood dripped from her nose and down onto the ground, but she dared not let herself focus on it. Dared not wipe it away, and see it color the thick glove beneath her gauntlet. Her breaths came out raspy and deep - rattling in her chest as it heaved. Her mind muddled and straying from thought to thought. She was alone, or so she thought, and took no care in trying to make herself appear stronger. In getting herself to even move, even if only to leave and disappear to her quarters to hide and lick her wounds in privacy. She was still recovering. She knew that, she just needed to be--

She needed to try again. She could not afford further weakness. Could not afford to lose everything because of a single mistake.

With a deep breath, Gylfie drew her head from her hands, and lifted her helm. She pulled it down upon her head after a moment's hesitation - a brief temptation to use her weakening strength to leave - and got to her feet. Her body pleaded with her to call it for the night, to allow her sore muscles to rest and recover, but she drew her sword with a trembling hand, and returned to the ring.

It mattered not if she were alone - she could train a little longer.

[irisbaggins]

The infuriating thing about seeing how transandrophobia is mocked and belittled, is that I know it's a tactic of division, and I know how powerful a trans community that's united is. I'm a member of PKI, the trans organisation here in Norway, and their whole schtick is that we're united and fighting for each other. We listen to each other, look at who is in need to be pulled up, and focus on getting our goddamn rights.

Like, as a very recent example, focusing on how trans women and trans men are treated in the media, and how differently they're spoken to. Trans men are belittled and always pointed out their agab, whilst trans women are being called predators and made to be destroying women's rights. Both are equally important to talk about - as well as nonbinary and gnc folks (but I'll get to that) - and both have an effect on our community. One is used to demonise and destroy our advocacy, to make us into predators and liars, whilst the other infantilises us and tries to destroy our medical healthcare. Both of these are incredibly important, and it's why having a word for each is vital. Just saying "transphobia" to transmisogyny doesn't encompass the absolute horrid shit our trans sisters go through, and neither does it encompass the hell and infantilisation us trans mascs go through. It's why having words for this is so important. Transphobia encompasses us all, but words like transmisogyny, transandrophobia, enbyphobia and so on, are so important. It addresses the problems each of us face, and it gives us the ability and power to fight back. To look at what we face and say that's wrong, that's not ok. Because, to a lot of cis and transphobic folk, just saying "transphobia" to something doesn't really address the problems, does it? It's incredibly good at addressing the overall transphobia and oppression we face, but when someone targets a specific group of us? It can be found lacking. That's why it's so important. To have words to combat our oppression, and to give a name to what it actually wrong.

But I mentioned us nonbinary and gnc folk, didn't I? Well, there's a good reason for that, and something that's currently very relevant. You see, I mentioned my anger to seeing this division in our community here, and how in my Norwegian community we didn't see that (usually, there are conservative trans folk, but none of our organisations align with 'em so). And I did so with intention: You see, currently, one of the biggest fights we trans people are fighting and advocating for, is the validation and the legalisation of a third gender. We've been fighting it for years, but this year we're going even harder. Why, you may ask? Well, for one, we fucking deserve it, so there's that, but secondly...we all know it's a step towards making our healthcare a lot less binary. You may not know this, but we have one legal and official trans healthcare option for us (unless you go privately (like yours truly) and pay a limb or two), and this option not only discriminates us enby and gnc folk, but it does so to any binary trans person who isn't feminine/masculine enough. We are not only fighting for us enby and gnc folk to be able to go an official and FREE route for healthcare like our brothers and sisters, but for our brothers and sisters who doesn't "pass enough". Fighting to let us outside of the binary in, is also a fight to let those in the binary not be discriminated for how much they identify/present within it. It's not just a one-dimensional fight, but a fight for all of us to be treated equally.

Giving a name to our oppression as transmascs isn't devaluing anyone else. It just gives us a tool to address what specific oppression we go through, and gives us the ability to fight back. Because our oppression is different, and if we don't fight it, all of us will lose our healthcare. It's why it's so important to fight together, to be a united front who doesn't let another part of our community be oppressed and harmed. We all matter, and coining a word for a specific oppression isn't taking away anything from anyone.

We're all trans, we're all wonderful and valued and beautiful, and nobody can take that away from us.

[slytherinlesbian3]

𝓸𝓲𝓵 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝔀𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓪𝓵𝔀𝓪𝔂𝓼 𝓶𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮

Ao3

Word count: ~1k

Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, fix-it, a little bit of pain before I throw some band-aids in the arena

Notes: I cannot believe that I'm doing this (not to mention posting it to my main blog) but here goes! writing for these characters is something I never thought I'd do, but I'm calling it peer pressure to embrace the gay. go show @the_main_Battledancer (on Ao3) some love! he's the reason I did this. much to come and little time to do it. also, if you want to be on a taglist, comment/rb/send an ask and I will make one. Enjoy!

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It wasn't meant to be like this.

The way pellets of rain cascaded upon them like a curtain call, allowing the act to come to an end, spiraled Caitlyn further into a frenzy. One arm attempted to battle the rain, using it to shield herself from the judgment it wrought, but her figure quickly became drenched despite her best efforts to prevent it.

“Vi! Wait!” Her heels clicked on each stair, nearly slipping down the last one in anticipation. “Wait! Where are you going?”

Vi was thankful for the cover the rain provided, allowing it to soak her to the bone in order to combat the onslaught of emotions raging inside of her like an untamable tornado. Her hands were idle by her sides, balled into fists. She didn't know where her feet were taking her, but it didn't matter; she couldn't face Caitlyn. Not now, she thought for a moment, maybe not ever.

“I don't know,” Vi said. “Back to where I came from?” With slightly slumped shoulders, her voice deflated. “Seems like that's what everyone up here wants.”

“I can fix this.”

“You can't!” Vi whipped around in fury, her actions causing Caitlyn to wince and recoil as if she had been lacerated by the words. For a moment she regretted her decision, the expression on the other woman’s face already etching itself into her brain. “This is how things are. How they always have been.” A beat passed, although neither of them could tell through the screen of rain that separated them as if that were its purpose. “I was so stupid to think it could change.”

“There must be something else we can do. Some other way,” Caitlyn said, gesturing toward Vi with her hands, even if only to fill the space she so desperately wished to cross. It was dangerous–the notion itself of being close, that is���and yet it fueled her every action. “We’ll make a new plan.” A single stutter-step forward. Progress. “We have to try.”

For the first time since the Council meeting, Vi had the nerve to look Caitlyn in the eye. Even through the pouring rain she could identify which streaks of water were tears and she had half a mind to try to wipe them away. No–danger. Stay in the threshold. Push her away. Protect her.

“We tried, okay? It wasn't enough.” Feeling her throat tighten as those striking sapphires bore holes into her soul, seeing directly through her front, Vi averted her eyes and scoffed. “Topside and bottom. Oil and water. That's all there is.”

Even out of the corner of her eye, she could see Caitlyn’s expression morph into that of a kicked puppy. Her entire being fell from grace in that moment, her bottom lip trembling with words unsaid.

“What about us?”

What about us?

“Oil and water,” Vi said, unable to recognize her own voice. “Wasn't meant to be.”

“Vi,” Caitlyn pushed. “I refuse to believe that. What was that back there?” At that point, she was thankful for the rain; its ability to cloak her ever increasing heart rate was impressive. “You held my hand. To hell with rules”-she gained a step toward Vi-”despite it all, oil and water can mix.”

Vi flinched at her wrist being grabbed but turned around regardless. “In the end, they will always separate!” Stay in the threshold. “Nothing is permanent, Cupcake.”

“Then take a chance,” Caitlyn pleaded. “Take a chance on me just as I took a chance on you. Let me try,” she now held both of Vi’s hands, “let us try. We’ll fix this, I promise.”

Dumbfounded with a grand total of two thoughts on her mind (kiss her, push her away), Vi had nothing left to do but scoff. “How?” She ripped herself from the hold, nearly hugging herself for comfort. Damn, it was cold. “Are you going to march back in there and demand they change how things are? They'll never listen to you!”

“It doesn't matter if they listen!”

Thunder sounded in the background, rolling softly amongst the purple clouds. The rain pittered all around them like miniature daggers falling to the earth and creeping into cracks like runaway spiders. Rain. A lovely sentiment, no?

Vi could think only that the rain was a tease of some sort; they had the calm before the storm, and here they were, acting like the breakup of the century. The universe surely was a cruel entity.

“Don't you understand? I'm not asking you to stay to”-Caitlyn waved her hands around, hoping to catch a word or two-”to fix all of the undercity’s problems. I'm asking you to stay because I care about you.”

Dammit, Cait.

“Listen,” Vi waited as the rain dug itself deeper into their flesh, their clothes sticking to their skin like glue, “go home to that...big, shiny house of yours. I'm not-I'm not the one for you,” she added as almost an afterthought, “Cupcake.”

“Vi, please.”

“Please what, Cait? For me to stay and risk your life further?” Vi stepped impossibly closer, the line of friendly advances being crossed. “I'm not going to get you killed ov-!”

And then Caitlyn was kissing Vi.

Caitlyn was kissing Vi.

The rain, as if a resolution had been assumed, slowed its pacing. It became almost a backdrop to their scenery, the droplets now soft caresses against their skin.

Vi’s thoughts dwindled to a singular thought: kiss her.

So, screwing her eyes shut, she kissed back. It was...amateur, she thinks. After a moment, she doesn't think. She feels. She lets herself sink, drowning in a sea of bliss. It's not the greatest kiss–needs a lot of work, it's clear it was the first time Caitlyn had ever kissed anyone–but something sparked inside of her. That's all that mattered. Caitlyn was all that mattered.

“Stay,” Caitlyn whispered, the rain not overpowering their voices anymore. Her hands were still clutching the hems of Vi’s jacket collar, keeping her close in case she tried to jolt.

Vi exhaled, feeling breath on her lips. She hesitated for the first time in years, positively unsure of her actions. “...Okay.”

It may not have meant to be like this, but sometimes impromptu change is welcomed with open arms. And sometimes the storm after the calm is what truly matters.