#so i am allowing myself just to write in my free time and not stress about more 'productive' things i could do

[dusty-daydreams]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Apollo/Percy Jackson, Percy Jackson & Poseidon Characters: Percy Jackson, Poseidon (Percy Jackson), Apollo (Percy Jackson) Additional Tags: I will add tags as I go, Deity Percy Jackson, Ascension, God Percy Jackson, A study of how the pantheon works in the Percy Jackson universe, I Haven't Read The Trials of Apollo Summary:

"We are created by mortals and shaped by how they worship us, the stories they create for us become a truth about us. I am Kronos’s son, and I am the King of the Gods, and I am the King of the Seas, and I am a wild thing to be treated with fearful respect. I was made that way by how I was worshiped. It’s why we have gotten kinder as our worshippers dwindled down to our children that wish to see the best in us. It’s why the Titans and the Primordials are so angry - they remember ruling but they also know that they never truly have."

Or Percy's choices after the wars change how people see him, and therefore change him

[noxtivagus]

hdflkjasdklf i'm just thinking of certain characters n stories hehe

[0nerd-at-heart0]

The Case Continues

A/N: Thank you for ALL the love and support on my latest fic!!!! ♥ After not writing for a year it felt weird to write again but y'all have been so sweet, so truly thank you to all of you. I just finished 2 of midterms and there was this guy behind me on one of my tests coughing like crazy so now I am sick. While I should take this opportunity to study for the LSATS now that I am stuck in bed, I just had to continue writing. As long as you all continue reading I am more than happy to continue writing. If you want to be added or taken out of the taglist please DM me :) 

P.S. : I used the stars to break down the sections for myself as I wrote and kept them in, if they are weird or unhelpful let me know so I can get rid of them and as always feedback is always welcomed

Taglist: @happy74827 @princessvader15 @hashcakes @malfoys-demigod @yiiiikesmish

Word Count: 5.5 k

Warnings: sexual harassment, cursing, pet name like sweetheart, mentions of food and eating (any more warnings that I missed please let me know)

There will be a part 3 after this one, still writing it but if you haven’t please check out the Part 1:  The Stress of a Case

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As you finished the last bite of your meal in Rachel’s office, a comfortable silence settled between you and Harvey.  Harvey leaned back in his chair, and a sense of relief seemed to wash over his face, "You did well today, Y/N. We'll get through the Jackson case. I promise. Whatever it takes.”

You offered a small, appreciative smile, acknowledging the sentiment. "Thanks, Harvey. It means a lot."

You stared at the clock and the realization that it was time to head home crept in. Harvey, ever the gentleman, offered you a ride, “Come on, I’ll take you home.” He stood up moving the desk back to how he found it and picked up the trash. 

However, your need for control and familiarity after the recent panic attack made you decline the ride, "Thanks for the offer, Harvey, but I think I'll take my own car tonight."

A small, almost imperceptible frown flashed across Harvey's face, quickly replaced by his usual composed expression. "Alright." was all he could stammer out. 

After parting ways, you walked towards the parking lot, keys in hand. As you drove home alone, a subtle sense of curiosity lingered. What if you had accepted Harvey's offer? What could have unfolded in the confined space of his car, free from the walls of the office? 

The thought nagged at you as you navigated the familiar streets, feeling your head cooling off. Rolling down the window to allow the fresh air to overflow your senses  There was a part of you that wished you knew the answer, a desire to unravel the mysteries that lay hidden beneath the surface of your professional relationship with the Harvey Specter.

The next few days went by pretty fast. All days felt the same . It was a routine of restless nights as your mind was clear yet foggy on your night with Harvey. Nervous yet excited on what the following days would bring. You woke up early every day to go to your favorite coffee spot. But every day you spent it at your desk going through Amir related emails and one day you spent the day researching organic cat food for Louis. You haven't even had the chance to really see or talk to Harvey, not that you were keeping track ( 3 times he has spoken to you). 

But about 10 days after the incident, here you were, standing in the elevator, expecting to be another calm day of going through Amir’s associates emails with Rachel.

But when the elevators dinged,  the beautiful face of  Donna Paulsen appeared as the door opened.  She stood there waiting for you and without saying a word she turned on her heel and gestured for you to follow her. And like a loyal puppy you followed Donna through the corridors, her signature click-clacking heels echoing in the hallways as you tried to keep you.

As you walked, Donna’s voice boomed,  efficiently providing a rundown of the latest developments in the Amir Jackson case. Apparently, Amir had signed a contract with his brother-in-law’s firm, and Harvey was currently breaking it down in his office to find any potential weaknesses or loopholes. You were confused but eager to understand your role in all this, so you did your best to keep up with Donna's brisk pace. The details of the case were important, but the question of why Donna was sharing them with you lingered in the back of your mind.

Donna approached Harvey's office, she shot you a sly smile and motioned for you to enter. The door creaked open, revealing Harvey Specter engrossed in his work. Donna whispered, "You wanted to be in the big leagues; well, here you go."

Harvey was seated at his desk, a stack of papers spread out before him. Mike Ross was leaning against the wall, and both turned their attention to you as you entered.

Donna, standing in the doorway, mouthed, "You got this."

It dawned on you—this wasn't just an update on the case. Donna had orchestrated this moment for a reason. You were being given a seat at the table, an opportunity to contribute to a high-stakes strategy session. The realization sent a surge of adrenaline through your veins. Harvey was keeping his word after all. 

 Harvey and Mike acknowledged your presence, you straightened your posture and mentally prepared to engage in the battle of wits that lay ahead.  You are ready to keep up and prove your worth beyond your typing skills. 

Mike walks up to you handing you a file, and you take a seat. Knowing the breakdown you take out your colorful pack of highlighter ready to color coordinate. Purple for potential loopholes, yellow for things to research, blue for important dates and green for  contacts. 

Harvey couldn't help but notice you being meticulously organized. With a smirk, he quipped, "Really, Y/N? Color-coordinated highlighters? Are we in kindergarten?"

You, shot back with a playful smile, "Well, Harvey, some of us appreciate a little order and aesthetic appeal. It's called professionalism."

Harvey raised an eyebrow, intrigued by the quick retort. "Professionalism, huh? I prefer the classic black and white approach. Simple and effective."

You without looking up from your file said, "Well, Harvey, sometimes a splash of color can make things more interesting. Maybe you should try it sometime.” Reaching down to your highlighter bag you pulled one out handing it to him, “Here, I think pink suits you”

He takes it from your hand, not backing down, “You know if your legal skills were as efficient as your highlighting skills we would be done with these files already”

You retorted, “Well, Harvey, if your people skills were as smooth as your hair, we'd have won the case yesterday."

Mike, who had been silently working, looked up with a bewildered expression, unsure of how the banter had suddenly transformed into a flirtatious exchange. He blinked, processing the unexpected turn of events.

Harvey  leaned against the table and raised an eyebrow. "Smooth hair, huh? You're just jealous, Y/N."

"Oh, please," you replied with a smirk, "I've seen smoother hair on a mannequin."

Mike, now thoroughly confused, looked between Harvey and you, trying to decipher when this banter became a new development. 

Before anything can go any further there is a knock at Harvey’s door, it was Rachel. After hearing from Mike about your little fainting incident, she was kind of overbearingly persistent on making sure you were eating and were okay no matter how much you told her you were fine.  Despite your reassurances that the incident of passing out was a one-time occurrence and that you were doing better, Rachel continued to express her care in thoughtful ways.

Today was no exception. Rachel asked to borrow you for a moment. Excusing yourself from your work, you followed Rachel outside the office. She had a warm smile on her face and a bagel in her hand, with your name on it.

"Hey, I know you said you're doing better, but I thought you might need a little pick-me-up," Rachel said, offering you the bagel.

You couldn't help but smile at Rachel's thoughtful gesture. "Thanks, Rachel. You really don't have to keep doing this, but I appreciate it."

Rachel chuckled, "I know I don't have to, but I want to. Consider it my way of making sure you stay fueled and ready to tackle anything."

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While you were outside having that conversation with Rachel, Mike couldn't help but seize the opportunity for a little teasing. Looking at Harvey with a mischievous glint in his eyes, he remarked, "What was that?"

Harvey, ever the master of composure, shot Mike a sharp look. "Shut up and focus, Mike," he retorted, trying to divert attention back to the files.

Mike, undeterred by Harvey's attempt to change the subject, leaned back with a playful grin. "Oh, you're definitely focused on something," he said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Harvey rolled his eyes, realizing that he might have just opened himself up to a barrage of teasing from Mike. 

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You returned to the office with the bagel in hand, you tucked it away in your bag without giving it much thought. However, Harvey's raised eyebrow didn't go unnoticed. He questioned, "Aren't you going to eat that?"

Unbeknownst to you, the hesitation stemmed from a lingering unease about eating near files, especially in front of Harvey—thanks to the hot Cheeto incident. Harvey, catching on to your reluctance, decided to assertively intervene, "Eat."

You raised an eyebrow, teasing, "Bossy much, Harvey?"

Harvey quickly adds, “Well I am the boss”.

Mike, always quick to jump into the banter, chimed in, "Hey, wait a minute. Rachel didn't get me a bagel."

Harvey, in his usual deadpan manner, responded, "Deal with your relationship drama outside the office”

Mike mumbled to himself though directed at Harvey “you deal with your relationship drama outside the office” as he turned over to the next file. 

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Without hesitation you grabbed another file, opening it  up you saw on one of the clauses of the contract that it said,  “Keep an appropriate reputation”.

You spoke up, “Have we been able to contact his brother in law?”

“Louis is currently on that”, Harvey said nonchalantly.  

“Louis?!?!”, the shock in your voice was not hidden at all as your hand went to cover you mouth,

“See even she is shocked’’, Mike gestured towards you as he closed his file. 

“Mike you are  going to have a deposition with Amir in about an hour and I got to prep you. As much as I'd rather have you do it,” Harvey eyes quickly glance at you before returning to the file in his hand, “I don’t have time to walk you through it, plus Jessica said I have to throw Louis a bone”, Harvey mumbles the last bit. 

You nodded, understanding that you were too green to already start interviewing people without supervision. 

After an hour of underlining and highlighting things they may be able to use against him, Harvey dismissed you and Mike to prepare for meeting Amir. You gave Mike a questioning look as you exited the office.

The door closed and you could have sworn you heard music playing. 

“He has a whole routine when he has a stressful case”, Mike said as he handed Donna a piece of paper to fax. 

“Whoa, you are just going to share Harvey’s secrets like that”, Donna added. 

“She is part of the group now, she deserves, nay she needs to know”, Mike defensively argued

Donna playfully rolled her eyes and all you can do is laugh. 

“Imma go to the conference room and set everything up”, Mike then turned on his heels. 

“Why are you meeting with Amir?”, you couldn't help the question come out of your mouth.

“Jessica and Harvey believe he is trying to get in our heads”, Mike causally stated like this is somehow normal, “anyway see you afterwards”. 

You headed down to the bullpen with a couple of files in hand for you to review. The bullpen was empty, you saw a memo on your desk that Jessica was holding a mock trial for the associates. You believed she was doing this to boost morale. It's been 3 weeks since the Jackson case was first assigned and every day the stress of the case becomes more evident in not only the partners but everyone. 

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All that can be heard was the click-clack of your keyboard as you diligently worked on a memo at your cubicle in. A man walked it, he didn't go unnoticed as he leaned against the wall, a smirk playing on his face.

"Working hard or hardly working, sweetheart?" he said with a smug grin.

Startled by his words, you looked up to fully take in this strange man, his eyes flickering with a hint of amusement. 

"What can I do for you?", you let out an annoyed breath. 

He wasn't unattractive, tall, seemed to be built, his dark hair slicked back and his tan figure was highlighted with a beautifully tailored suit. 

He ignored your attempt to deflect his trashy pickup line  as he leaned in, invading your  personal space. "You know, I am here to see Mike Ross, but I would rather be seeing you. What do you say we grab a drink sometime?"

You noticed a wedding ring on his hand and that added to your discomfort which was palpable, and  you glanced around, searching for a way out of the situation. Amir Jackson was standing right before you in all his dirty lawyer glory. Before you could respond, the familiar sound of a door swinging opening  caught your attention. Harvey Specter stormed into view, his expression colder than the usual glacial demeanor he reserved. 

"Amir, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Harvey's tone was razor-sharp, his eyes narrowing as he assessed the situation.

Amir straightened up, his confident facade faltering in the face of Harvey's iciness. "Just trying to get to know the beautiful talent that sits before me" he replied, attempting to play it off.

Harvey's jaw clenched, and he stepped forward, his presence dominating the small cubicle. "This is not the time or the place for your personal agenda. We're here to work, not to entertain your attempts at charm.", emphasis on the word attempt. 

Amir chuckled nervously, realizing he had crossed a line. "I didn't mean to cause any trouble, Harvey. Just thought we could all use a break."

Harvey's stare could freeze time itself. "Save your charm for the courtroom, Amir. Now get lost before I decide to make this a legal matter."

Amir hastily retreated, leaving the cubicle, heading upstairs to interview Mike. 

As soon as he was out of earshot, Harvey's gaze softened ever so slightly as he turned to you. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, grateful for Harvey's intervention. "Thanks, Harvey. I didn't know how to get rid of him.” You left a pause before continuing, “Though he was cute”, it was your attempt to lightened the mood

But it seemed that you failed as you could have sworn that Harvey’s eyes darkened. 

“Don't tell me he is your type?” Harvey glares, trying to play it off as a playful intrigue. Though behind those words were sharp undertones of jealousy. 

Was your type arrogant lawyers? Oh god, you thought to yourself. 

“I mean if we are being honest”, you were already regretting the words coming of of your mouth, “I wouldn’t mind drinks with him, if you know he wasn't-”

“A dirty slimeball”, Harvey interrupted.

“I was going to say married but hey your  words not mine”, You shrugged as you smiled, tilting your head up to look at him. 

Like a switch any sign of a normal human being verison of Harvey goes back to a cold exterior Harvey ", Get back to work. We have a case to win."

Suddenly, the sound of approaching footsteps shattered the silence. Louis Litt barged into the bullpen, a triumphant expression on his face. "I got it, I got it!" he declared, his voice echoing through the walls.

Harvey shot him a stern look. "What do you mean, Louis?"

Louis beamed, brimming with excitement. "I met with Amir’s brother in law and we have a plan"

"Louis, I don't like that look on your face. Well, actually, I don't like your face, period," Harvey retorted, his patience wearing thin but shot you a mischievous  look as you let out a small laugh. 

Just as Louis was about to unveil his plan, you received a text from Rachel, asking for assistance upstairs. Seizing the opportunity to excuse yourself , you made a quick exit, leaving Harvey to deal with Louis's eager revelation.

As you walked away, you overheard Louis saying, "Can I just tell you my plan?"

You missed Harvey's response that carried a tone of indifference, "Louis, I am a lawyer, not your babysitter. You don't need to run your ideas by me. Just do whatever it takes to win."

"Whatever it takes," Louis echoed, his enthusiasm undeterred as he practically skipped out of the room, eager to set his plan in motion. 

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The next day, as you were on your way to the copy room, Louis Litt beckoned you into his office. The air in the room felt different, an unusual tension hanging in the air. Louis, with a somewhat secretive smile, asked for your help with a deposition. He believed you were the perfect candidate to handle the client interview. He said he will be there to supervise it all. 

Despite the lingering suspicion about Louis's true intentions, you were eager to prove your skills and showcase your capabilities. With determination in your eyes, you took the file full of questions that Louis prepped for you into the conference room, ready to face the challenge. As you were coming round the conference room, Louis excused himself to the bathroom saying he was going to be right back and to start without him.

As you entered the room and set up the camera, you were met with the unexpected sight of Amir Jackson—the person you would be interviewing. Suppressing the internal alarm bells, you maintained a professional demeanor and focused on the task at hand.

"Good morning, Mr. Jackson. My name is Y/N, and I'll be conducting the deposition today. Please make yourself comfortable," you greeted, doing your best to project confidence.

Amir acknowledged you with a nod, “Oh trust me. I remember you.  I can't forget a face like that sweetheart”.

 You couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to this deposition than met the eye. As you pressed record on the camera, a pit forming in your stomach as you felt that you were part of a bigger scheme that Louis had formed. But you continued on. 

The questions came to an end and Louis was nowhere in sight. You think you did a good job but you really hoped you would have some help guiding you. You were reaching over to turn off the camera when Amir made his way around the table, invading your personal space as he placed his hand on your thigh.  You felt disgusting, but you gritted your teeth and tried to remove his hand. His grip just got tighter. 

“Mister Jackson, you are married and I am not interested so please let go”, you remained calm. 

"This isn't the first time I've given in to another woman's temptation," Amir whispered, his hand slowly making its way up higher. . The situation escalated, and you attempted to stand up, desperate to distance yourself from his unwarranted advances.

Just as the discomfort reached its peak, Louis Litt stepped into the room, 

 "We got you now, Amir," Louis declared, a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

Louis revealed  that the entire encounter had been captured on camera, since the little red button was still going and Louis left his dictaphone as well. There was enough proof of the man Amir really was

The revelation startled Amir, who looked like he was ready to erupt in anger at being caught.

But a last Amir stammered trying to get his words together. 

“I think you should make some calls”, Louis said, his smile not faltering. 

Amir, now furious, stormed off, leaving you alone in the aftermath of the orchestrated confrontation. 

Anger boiled within you. You were mad at Amir, you wished you had the strength to have slapped him or yelled at him but you froze, your mind was whirling running 100 mph before you can truly comprehend what was going on. Now that it was over you were a teapot full of steam. Ready to blow. The more you thought about it, the more your frustration became directed at  Louis. 

His dramatic reveal. His smirk. This was the plan all along and you were just his puppet. He knew this was going to happen, he wanted this to happen. 

"Why the hell did you put me in that situation?" you snapped, the intensity of your emotions evident.

Louis, unfazed, responded, "It was Harvey's idea. We had to win the case, and trust me this”, he gestured to you and the empty door, “ sealed the deal”

Your anger shifted, now directed at Harvey Specter, the architect of this manipulative plan. The lines between professional strategy and personal boundaries blurred, they have been blurring. But this, this felt like the lines were being drawn all over again, You took a deep breathe as you were left grappling with the aftermath of an uncomfortable encounter.

You stormed  out of the conference room.You were shaken and in desperate need of someone to confide in. As you walked down the hallway your bubbling emotions made every step a struggle. In your mind, the need to talk this out with Rachel outweighed any confrontation you might have had with Harvey.

Focused on reaching Rachel's office, you were determined to leave the unsettling incident behind. However, Mike Ross, perceptive as ever, intercepted your path, concern shown across his face.

"Hey, are you okay? What happened back there?" Mike inquired, his voice laced with genuine worry.

The overwhelming emotions made it difficult for you to articulate your feelings. When Mike reached out to grab your hand, hoping to offer some comfort, a reflexive flinch escaped you. The subtle gesture spoke volumes about the impact of the encounter.

"Don't ask like you don't know," you managed to utter, your tone heavy with frustration and disappointment.

Mike was left dumbfounded, his attempts to provide support met with an unexpected defensive response. As you stopped in your tracks, you turned to face him, meeting the bewilderment in his eyes.

"I was Louis’s bait but if this was Harvey's idea, lord knows you were right there beside him. Batman and freaking Robin," you added, the accusation hanging in the air.

Mike's expression shifted to curiosity as he raced down the hall to Harvey’s office, needing an explanation. What the hell did you do now Harvey, Mike thought to himself. 

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You sought refuge in Rachel's office. Rachel offered a comforting presence. You recounted the events, finding solace in Rachel's understanding.

"I can't believe he used you like that. I'm so angry on your behalf," Rachel said, her support unwavering.

As Rachel provided a comforting presence for you, on the other side of the office, Mike Ross stormed into Harvey's office, his frustration evident. Ready to give Harvey a piece of his mind for giving Louis the idea to use you as bait, Mike's accusatory words were poised on the tip of his tongue.

But Harvey, surprised by the accusation, defended himself. "What are you talking about, Mike? I didn't allow Louis to do anything."

Before Mike could continue, Harvey's tone softened. "How is she, Mike? Is she okay?"

Mike hesitated, admitting, "She's shaken up, Harvey."

Without sparing another second, Harvey stood up, determination etched on his face. "I need to find her."

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The atmosphere in Rachel's office was heavy as you sat there, still visibly shaken from the encounter with Amir Jackson. You found comfort in spinning your bracelet around your wrist.

Rachel, ever the empathetic friend, suggested a visit to the bakery you both loved, a subtle attempt to bring a touch of sweetness to the somber moment. As she left to fetch the cookies, you stayed seated at her desk chair, staring out of the window. 

Harvey stepped in to check on you. The air seemed to crackle with unspoken tension as you looked up, frustration written  across your face. You turned back to the window refusing to look at him. 

You couldn't hold back the surge of emotions that spilled out. "Fuck you"

You were always so poised, always so put together, Harvey couldnt and wouldnt lie that hearing your curse did something to him. But he scratched that out of his mind, returning to the matter at hand. 

Still taken aback by the force of your words,  he raised his hands defensively. "I had nothing to do with what Louis did. I wouldn't put you in that position."

But you weren't convinced. "Your motto is 'do whatever it takes to win,' right? I was just a pawn in your grand scheme of things. Last week, after the panic attack, I thought we were okay. I thought we were on good terms, but now I don't know what to believe."

Harvey's expression hardened as he tried to find the right words to reassure you. "You weren't a pawn, Y/N. I didn't know about Louis's plan, and I would never intentionally put you in a situation like that."

You scoffed, frustration and hurt evident in your voice. "Your actions speak louder than words, Harvey. I'm tired of being caught in the crossfire of your 'win at all costs' mentality.” 

Harvey, his usual composed demeanor faltering, tried to find the right words to reassure you. The weight of your accusations, was challenging the fragile trust that had started to rebuild between both of you. 

You continued to stare out of the window, refusing to meet Harvey's gaze. He could feel the tension escalating, and he knew he had to address the storm of emotions swirling within you.

"Look at me," Harvey said firmly, his voice cutting through the charged atmosphere.

You clenched your jaw, still refusing to comply. Unfazed, Harvey moved closer and he bent down  a little so he would be eye level with you and with a gentle touch, guided your head to face him. His touch ignited the fuel of your emotions, whether it be rage or something else entirely. There was a fire burning within you. 

"I don't like to repeat myself," Harvey stated, his eyes locking onto yours.

You met his gaze, still angry, a tempest of emotions brewing within you. He could see the fire in your eyes and sensed the need for an outlet. "Yell at me," he urged, guiding you to stand up.

You were now facing Harvey, an arm's length between both of you. You took this oppurtunity, you took a deep breath as you let it all out. 

"You are insufferably arrogant and stubborn. You're like a shark in a corporate sea, ruthless and cold-hearted. You wield your charisma like a weapon, and everyone else is just a pawn in your game. You  bend the rules until they are ALMOST at a breaking point", you go off on a mini rant. 

Harvey, with a measured tone, responded, "I don't disagree. The fact that I haven't interrupted you should tell you I take pride in who I am. But one thing you didn’t say and one thing I would never do is hurt the people I care about. Maybe I would occasionally push Mike in front of a slow-moving car, but that's as far as I'd go." 

You stifle a small laugh, trying not to give Harvey any satisfaction. But you nodded at him showing that you believed him.

His hand rested on your shoulder as his eyes looked at you with concern. "How are you?" he emphasized.

You shrugged, voicing your discomfort. "I feel kinda disgusting right now."

Harvey's jaw tightened as anger flared in his eyes. "I'm gonna kill Louis," he declared, ready to retaliate.

As he turned to leave you grabbed his arm. "Don't hurt him," you pleaded, your voice holding a mix of anger and compassion. Despite the hurt you felt, you couldn't bear the thought of Louis facing physical harm.

Harvey paused, looking down at your hand on his arm. "I can't promise that I won't give him a piece of my mind, but I won't hurt him physically."

You nodded, acknowledging the compromise.

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The celebratory feeling filled the air in Jessica's office as Harvey stormed in, anger etched across his face. Louis and Jessica stood there, clinking glasses in celebration of what they believed was a triumph in the Amir Jackson case.

"Join us, Harvey! Louis found a way for us to win this case. It's finally over" Jessica exclaimed, blissfully unaware of the storm brewing within Harvey.

Harvey's eyes narrowed as he observed Louis making himself small under the intensity of his gaze. Unable to contain his fury any longer, Harvey erupted, "Louis, you pretentious fucker! How dare you do that to her?"

Jessica, puzzled, looked between Harvey and Louis. "Harvey, what happened? Why are you so angry?"

Ignoring Jessica's inquiry, Harvey continued his tirade, directing his fury solely at Louis. "You used Y/N. You put her in a bad situation with Amir. That's a new low, even for you."

Jessica's confusion shifted to anger as she slammed her glass down. "What?"

Louis, feeling the heat of Harvey's wrath, defended himself, "You said to do whatever it takes to win."

" One, you know how I feel about cheating. And two, you know what yeah this is my fault. For half a second there, I thought you would be a lawyer, not try to pimp out my associate," Harvey placing particular emphasis on the word "my."

“Here's the deal," Louis began to explain his plan. "Amir's brother-in-law allowed him to join his firm under one condition: he behaves and doesn't cheat on his sister. Now, Amir signed his contract promising to behave because Amir’s brother in law has a list of evidence that could easily get him disbarred, but his brother-in-law promised not to expose him as long as he kept his promise."

Louis sighed as he continued, "Y/n was the bait, Harvey. She is one of the more attractive associates that Amir couldn't resist. So I  let the pawns fall where they should fall and we got it all on camera. Amir's brother in law is going to the association to get him disbarred as we speak. "

Jessica chimed in, "Louis, why couldn’t you let it so Y/N in on the plan.”

Louis nodded, ‘’ I didn't think it would be a big deal”

The room collectively groaned. 

"The only reason you don't have a broken nose right now is because she asked me not to hurt you...physically," Harvey declared, his rage simmering beneath the surface.

Jessica, ever the professional, butted in, “Harvey the case with Amir is over now, let me handle Louis” giving Louis a dirty glare before opening the door to her office moving Harvey out the door, “Tell everyone to go home for the night”. 

Harvey followed suit, leaving Louis to face the wrath of Jessica. As he closed the door he could hear Jesscia yell, “What were you thinking”

ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Harvey's footsteps echoed through the hallway as he made his way to Rachel's office, seeking you out. Upon entering, he found you surrounded by Mike and Rachel, laughing at something as Mike shoved his face with cookies. The look on your face seemed lighter, you appeared more at ease.

Harvey addressed everyone in the room, "Alright, pack it up. Time to go home."

As he spoke, ​​his eyes lingered on you, and he added pointedly, "Especially you. Y/N.  No arguments this time, I am taking you home."

Your colleagues exchanged knowing glances, and Rachel and Mike gathered their things to leave. Harvey's directive made it clear that there was no room for negotiation this time; he was taking you home.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

The plush interior of Harvey's car surrounded you, and you couldn't help but feel a bit out of place in the luxurious vehicle. Harvey, however, seemed at ease as he turned to you and casually asked, "Put your location in the GPS."

You entered your apartment complex as the destination. The ride continued in relative quiet,

You were now three blocks away from your apartment complex, when Harvey abruptly took a sharp left. Confused, you turned to him with a puzzled expression, questioning his unexpected turn.

"Harvey, where the hell are you going?" you asked.

He glanced at you, a twinkle  in his eyes, and replied, "We both deserve to have some fun tonight."

You saw him pulling up to a bar, one that seemed too classy for you. You were too undressed for this. The doubt clouded your mind. 

Your eyebrows furrowed, and you couldn't help but ask, "A bar, Harvey, really?"

He looked over at you, the corner of his lips quirked up. "What do you say?" He was parked but hadn't turned off the engine, giving you an out.

You looked over at him and he had that stupid, handsome smug smirk on his.

Not wanting the "what ifs" to take over, you met his gaze and said, "I'm in."

[stil-lindigo]

Hello, very confused and overwhelmed outsider here. Looking at posts here and on news sites I see such pradoxical views, one saying to not support Palestine is to support genocide and the other saying to not support Israel is to be antisemitic. I wonder, and I am going around asking people on different sides of the war, do you believe it is possible to support both the lives of Palestinian people and the lives of Jewish people?

Feel free to ignore this ask or to point out any ignorance on my part. I hope you have some peace in your day/night, I can only imagine how stressful it is to have so many people asking so many serious questions.

hi anon. I’m gonna try to make this is as concise as possible, since I’m technically writing this on my lunch break. Yes, it is possible and in fact very easy to support the lives of Palestinian and Jewish people because - and this is the important part - Israel and Zionism is not Judaism. Depending on who you may ask, Zionism began as a pure-hearted desire for Jewish people post-WW2 to create a place that would always unequivocally be safe for Jews, but as I am not Jewish myself I feel like any description I might give comes off as insincere and not fully grasping the scope of that mission. But no matter what Zionism once was, it is now the belief that Jewish people have the right to commit genocide against indigenous population so that they can establish their ethno-state. And you can split hairs all you like, but after the past four months, my belief in that has only solidified.

Perhaps the strongest opposition to Israel comes from Jewish people themselves, who’ve popularized “not in my name” as a protest chant. Holocaust survivors have come out in droves to protest the actions of Israel, and they’re often the strongest front of any protest action since - yes, you’re right - mainstream news is very committed to selling the idea that this “war” is Jews vs Muslims which is just inflammatory racist garbage. There’s more to it than I can easily get into right now, but just for a start, it completely erases the existence of Palestinian Jews or Palestinian Christians, and also ignores Israel’s historically abusive and degrading treatment of their own Holocaust survivors in their population.

This “war” is not a war. It’s a genocide, where the total amount of bombs dropped on Gaza is officially over twice the impact of a nuclear bomb. One side is asking for a stop the fighting, for aid to be allowed through, they are asking for clean water and food as their women have been forced to rip off scraps off tents to use as menstrual products. One side has had all 35 their hospitals bombed (a war-crime the first time, and it continues to be a war crime every time it still happens), over 100 of their journalists have been targeted and murdered (more journalists than were killed in all of WW2, and btw this is also a war crime). And the other side films TikTok’s levelling apartment buildings, looting houses, kicking Palestinian hostages, stripping them naked and urinating on them. Israel has rained white phosphorus down on Palestine, they have bombed Palestine indiscriminately, they have destroyed archives, historical locations, they have done their best to rob Palestinians of their dignity and empathy and still, they’re not done.

Oh and the excuse that they’re just doing all of this to save the hostages? Hamas offered them all back in exchange for a ceasefire. And the Israeli prime minister, Netanyahu, said no.

In the future, try to get your news from trusted news sources like Al Jazeera, and following journalists on the ground like Bisan and Motaz.

[fandomfixationstation]

Asexual Reader x TWST Characters: Part Two! Rewritten

This is a rewrite of earlier posts I once wrote on a different blog. I am revisiting this and trying to improve on what I wrote and once again doing this for myself and other asexuals who lack the content and kindness others get. Writing this for every fanfic I've read where the character breaks up with the reader for being asexual and doing better. 

That said, Everything will be entirely my headcanons and you aren’t required to agree with my interpretations of the characters and story.

(Part two)

Malleus Draconia

Malleus Has only considered two things. The fact he has loved his significant other more than most things he can think of, and that being royalty means a lot of complicated matters. But of course he is more than happy to reassure his significant other that he treasures more than anything in all of the realms and any dilemmas or choices to be made or had will be made together.

Malleus will do everything in his power to be supportive and an ally. It might start with getting a Flag, but it most certainly doesn’t stop there by any means of the matter. As I had said the first time I wrote the post, please imagine he gives you a locket with a picture of the two of you. Give or take some cheesy engraving, a decoration of everlasting love of the purest form or something akin to it.

As I'm sure I've already said before, and likely to say again in the future. Malleus will always make sure that you're okay with whatever physical touch he gives you. He'll be up most respectful of any boundaries that may change at any point.

Otherwise, there isn’t a whole thing to say. Due to being a prince his relationships were always going to be complicated and something he was going to figure out the hard way. So regardless he’ll fight to make sure the two of you will be happy in your relationship, whatever that may specifically look like for the two of you.

Jade Leech

Going to double down on Jade being one of the most understanding people on this, he doesn’t need an explanation on what it means. The only questions he really has is what does that mean for you and what your comfort levels are with specific actions. Rather business casual, non stressful chat. Very clear communication will be had.

Unapologetically saying Jade Leech is also Asexual. So this honestly works out for himself. Your boundaries are respected, so are his. While he might not always be the most romantic, he does have his moments! They are thoughtful when he is and it will always be very endearing and something meaningful to the both of you.

While his gifts are usually very thoughtful and tailored specifically to your liking: it is non negotiable that you will get one mushroom terrarium as a token of goodwill, affection, and to generally remind you of him when he isn’t able to be around. It came free after listening to him info dump for about an hour about mushrooms.

Also, for the first time disagreeing with myself. Jade doesn’t usually cuddle, but like that mostly boils down to getting the right setting to get him to settle down to cuddle. Turn off his brain and eel cuddles. You will be trapped for at least an hour, longer if he can get away with it.

Riddle Rosehearts

I will not be the first nor the last person to mention just how sheltered Riddle grew up. That said, despite at first having no good idea what you're talking about he is the most willing to ask questions to make sure he understands. He certainly is going to have to look into queer history in general to make sure he doesn’t make a fool out of himself later either. So he’ll definitely be supportive of you, any other queer people he ends up interacting with. You’ll just have to bear with him through his initial confusion.

Riddle probably has a mental list of what is allowed and what isn't allowed. If he can remember all the queen's rules because they're important to him, he can certainly remember things that you like and don’t like because you are important to him. This also means he gets good at memorizing what teas you like, and what kind of gifts you enjoy the most, or what ways you prefer to spend time together.

Unbirthdays, Birthdays, other events in which it is acceptable to give gifts or generally spoil a person: riddle will always make sure that there is something that you’ll enjoy. A single gift that will make you feel thought off, some sort of food dish that is to your preferred tastes. Afterwards is probably always spent with cuddles and a cup of tea to unwind. A break well earned if you will.

I think Riddle is more of a love letter kind of person than giving you poetry, however if he does give you poetry he is very embarrassed by it, and without a doubt its cheesy. But its cute. Everything down to the punctuation is thought over at least twice before he dares to give it to you, wanting only the best for you.

Epel Felmier

“why wouldn’t I still love you? You’re still the same person I fell in love with after all. You're just a butterfly who’s found its wings” Was a banger of a line and i will leave it here to be appreciated. Also considering that I headcanon Epel to be trans, he just gets it. Be might ask for a bit of clarification, but he gets it the fastest. Most understanding.

Will go out of his way to make you feel loved and appreciated! You will get the most random reminders that he cares about you and how much he loves you. Probably little notes and gifts for you, left where you’ll get them.

There are plenty of cute date ideas: picnics, apple picking, horseback riding, I could go on really. But the idea is that he’ll always bring you something, usually a snack of some kind. If he doesn’t he’ll make you a flower crown, or maybe weave flowers into your hair if that is more your thing. Regardless, it is sweet and fun. No expectations of anything else but to be in each other's company.

---

Part One | Part Two

[sabrgirl]

things that aren't inherently islamic but have improved my deen ♡

practising mindfulness

mindfulness meditation (focusing on my breathing for 10-15 minutes a day and bringing my attention back to my breath every time my mind wanders) helps with concentration in salah. through practising this every day, you're able to bring your attention back to the moment much better as you train your brain to do so with your breath.

helps to ground myself in the moment rather than stress about the future and past - allows me to surrender to Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ much better and have tawakkul and sabr by learning to enjoy each day as it comes

journalling

shadow work

islam is fundamentally based on disciplining and self-regulating the nafs/ego. if you do not discipline your nafs, you will end up inclining towards evil: '‘And I do not hold my own self (nafs) to be free from weakness; for, the soul is surely prone to enjoin evil, except that whereon my Lord has mercy. Surely, my Lord is Most Forgiving, Merciful.’ (12:54). it was a saying by many elder islamic scholars and early muslims that 'he who knows himself knows His Lord'.

shadow work is when you address the hidden parts of yourself that we naturally and/or subconsciously suppress inside because we don't like them. the ego/nafs does this. you can find journal prompts on google, for eg 'shadow work prompts for anxious attachment' or 'shadow work prompts for male validation' etc - whatever it is you know is a problem about you. or, if you don't know where to start, just type in 'shadow work prompts' on google and you'll find something for you

through understanding in more detail what my ego does through addressing my fears in life and hardship/trauma i've experienced, i'm able to let go of those parts of myself, make an action plan to do things differently and become a better person. as a result, i'm able to make better decisions based off of righteousness and what pleases Allah, rather than acting based off of what scares my ego.

for eg - something happened when i was young that made me have an internal fear of being replaced which i had *no* idea i had. yet, i was acting on this fear subconciously, as i've always wanted to be original and i've had such distinct/original things that other people don't usually have so that i can stand out and it can become impossible to replace me. i was doing this so subconsiously but my nafs/ego was scared inside. when people asked me 'where is that from?' i wouldn't want them to know and would become very upset if they tried to 'copy me'. it wasn't until my best friend wanted to know where my perfume was from and i didn't want to tell her and ended up arguing with her that i realised i have a problem. i did shadow work and journalled about it to figure out why i'm acting this way. after doing this shadow work, it led me back to that big change in my life when i was a child and i realised that it hurt my ego a lot and resulted in me having a big fear of being replaced, with the outcome being i want to stand out and have things that are my own that it becomes so hard for someone to be me. after addressing and realising this, i've now let go of that fear and that part of me. i'm much more kinder to the creation now when they ask me where something i have/am wearing is from and, as i feel much more peaceful inside, i tell them where it's from with genuineness and sincerity. doing this can help with so many internal behaviours like jealousy, anxiety, being unhappy when other people get something you want, anger, attachments to people, love etc.

shadow work helps me get rid of attachments to worldly things and people (as the ego gets attached easily) after understanding why i am / why i act in a certain way too

gratitude

gratitude journalling helps me be thankful to Allah for what he has done for me. in hardship, i'm able to recognise the good that i still have. i've written more about how this has helped my deen here.

writing my feelings when i'm angry and/or upset

helps me process my emotions better and not act on my feelings by being rude to others in the moment

prevents me from backbiting and gossiping bc i just journal about how people have made me feel. backbiting is when you slander someone behind their back to someone else. through journalling, if i'm upset, i can write down my feelings, i can call people losers and get it all out of my system because it's just to myself, no one will read it. after this, why do i need to go to someone else and gossip? i don't need to. i've already released it all.

yoga and pilates

the physical body, mind and soul are all linked. as shown in the book, 'the philosophy of the teachings of islam':

this means that exercising our body affects our mind and soul too. science has shown that trauma and stress is stored in the shoulders and other parts of our body. having movement and especially exercises like yoga that focuses on stretching, flexibility, breathing and regulating blood flow in the body releases this emotional baggage.

islam is a religion of discipline that requires effort. when you feel good inside, you're more likely to be more disciplined and put in the effort, as opposed to when you feel bad inside which can often lead to laziness and fatigue. doing yoga and releasing my stress through exercising and stretching helps me feel positive and good inside, enabling me to fulfil my religious duties better with a positive mind and body. in islam, maintaining physical health is highly encouraged and our Beloved Prophet ﷺ emphasised having a strong and healthy body.

[jaegeraether]

Sunsets and footballers (Part 29)

Lucy Bronze x Reader (27)

Masterlist (other parts here)

(**Trust the process...**)

Jordan was laughing so hard that YFN worried her protein shake would come up.

“Dory, it’s not funny!”

Jordan tried to talk, sitting up and wiping the tears away with the bottom of her shirt but at the sight of a worried YFN, she was right back at it, rolling around like a bug on her back on the couch. Her laugh had upgraded to a wheezing laugh as she struggled for breath which made YFN finally crack a smile and allow herself a little chuckle with her. She walked over and tilted the back of the couch up, making Jordan fall off and roll onto the carpet in the living room. Not even that stopped her. Not until Blu was getting excited at her laughing and started to lick her face and yap.

“I’m never doing anything nice again.” YFN groaned.

“Ah… Jesus… okay I’m back..” Jordan chuckled, wiping more tears away and managing to pull herself back onto the couch. “If you could see your face though.”

YFN whined. “Who the fuck writes that?! What if I wasn’t even gay? They don’t know anything about me.”

“Leah said she’s sorting it out, yeah?”

“Yeah.. she was really apologetic about it actually.”

“Of course she was. But she’s really good at sorting things like this out, no need to stress. I’m definitely not, but thanks for my daily laugh, I think I wet myself. I’m glad I didn’t take you up on that offer to go instead.”

YFN rolled her eyes. “She wanted it to be you. Besides, they actually know your name. They probably just wrote ‘partner’ because they have no clue who I am.”

Jordan pulled her down next to her and squeezed YFN’s cheek like a grandparent. “But that all changes today, chicken!”

“I’m so nervous!”

“I’m so excited for you! This is going to be great. Plus, your merch is sexy.”

“Free beanie if you pose for a photo for me.” YFN winked.

Jordan slapped her arm. “You��d give it to me for free anyways.”

“You have no idea how excited I am to see you play.”

“Don’t get your hope up chicken, Chelsea are brutal under Emma.”

“Regardless of any of that, you’re still going to be there in your little kit, and I’ll be on the sidelines waiting for a selfie and an autograph. I wish I could wear your jersey!”

Jordan grinned. “I don’t think anyone will blame you for a bit pf favouritism on your first day. I am very cute.”

“Yes.. yes you are. Very cute.” She looked at the time quickly. “Now we both have to go and I’ve had about five hours sleep since my late night drive from London. So… let’s talk about Leah.”

Jordan gave a funny face.

“She was great last night, Dory. She was helpful and chivalrous and so much fun to be around. She also gave really great advice for me about Lucy..”

This interested Jordan. “Oh? What did she say?”

YFN quoted what Leah had said to her about making a mistake by convincing herself it was what was best for everyone when it’s not.

Jordan’s lips moved from side to side while she thought. She could tell she was a little emotional.

“So… she admits it was a mistake?”

“This isn’t new, Jords.” YFN said softly, reaching out to squeeze her hand. Jordan smiled at her using ‘Jords’ instead of her nickname. “I told her that the Leah I see now is not the ‘weak’ woman who left you because she thought she wasn’t enough. She’s stronger now. More mature. She’s learnt her lesson. And… I told her about how we met.”

Jordan’s teary eyes shot up to meet YFN’s. “You told her about the beach?”

She nodded. “Multiple days, hours on end. And a little more… she cried.”

Jordan nodded, as if that would stop her tears forming. She leant back and sniffed also. That seemed to work better. “She really loves me still.”

“She does. Will you talk to her?”

Jordan went into her space and zoned out for a little bit before she nodded. “Yeah, I’ll talk to her.” Then she added in a soft voice, “But I’m scared.”

YFN wrapped her arms around her friend. There really wasn’t much to her at all. “It’s okay, she won’t hurt you. I… may have threatened her.”

Jordan looked up at her in surprise and then amusement. “Did you?”

“Of course I did. She took it well, to be honest.” They chuckled together at that. “Just take it slow, yeah? Take it at your own pace. If it doesn’t feel right, then don’t push it.”

She nodded and took out her phone. She took a deep breath in and wrote out a message, pressing send before she had a chance to backtrack. She looked at YFN and blushed with a smile at how proud she looked at her.

“Your turn, chicken.”

“My turn?”

“Oh come on. Lucy is your person. You need to talk to her eventually because there’s only so much avoiding the topic I can do with her. Besides, if I saw those photos on the internet, then Lucy definitely would have.”

“Oh… oh! You’re right. She’s going to be-”

“So fucking annoyed when she sees them and you haven’t spoken to her.” Jordan cut off with a mum look.

YFN pouted. She was right. It was time to talk to Lucy. If she was being completely honest with herself, it had been incredibly hard. It was like she needed her. Not just her body craving her, but her brain, her heart. Her Lucy. She deserved the chance to talk and explain.

YFN took her phone out under Jordan’s watchful eye and messaged Lucy.

YFN: I’m sorry for taking so long.. I’m really not used to this, Luce. I can’t stop thinking about you. Can we talk?

YFN knew she had no right to be anxious, but she was. It was now five hours later and Lucy still hadn’t replied. Fair enough, she had training. It was MD-1 for her. But still, she was usually better at replying. She looked through the FC Barca stories on Instagram again and saw Lucy looking less cheery than usual in the morning and throughout training. She bit her lip at the sight of the bandage on her left hand that she’d been wondering over all morning. All of the comments were speculative and Barca management hadn’t put out a statement about the injury so her thoughts ran a little too wild and worried.

Cheers erupted suddenly as the players started to enter the field. YFN pocketed her phone and wrapped her arms around her body to protect herself a bit better from the rain. YFN was on the sidelines, her crew spread out around the edges to get photos and videos. It was basically a practice game for them to get used to the best spots, best shots etc and they’d talked about it and planned it thoroughly all week. YFN put her fingers to her mouth and whistled loudly when she saw Jordan walking out in the starting line-up. She flashed her a grin, finding her immediately with her purple and yellow Lumos beanie on. Although the other members of her crew were also wearing the Lumos hoodie, YFN had felt the beanie would be enough and wore Lucy’s hoodie instead. It was comfy and smelled like her. Vanilla and bitter orange.

Although the game was in Birmingham, it was an unfortunate demolition of Aston Villa by Chelsea. Both sides started strong and 11 minutes in Jordan almost collected a nice assist to Rachel Daly who was on fire. She had several attempts, but all seemed to be missing to the left. YFN couldn’t help but groan. She didn’t have a favourite team, but she wanted Jordan to do well. Chelsea were up by 2 at the half-way break, YFN taking the opportunity to round up her team and have a chat. Some of their photos were incredible, and they all spoke excitedly to each other about what angles were working, what lighting and more. There was going to be a lot of footage to edit.

The second half began and within minutes Jordan had a shot on target that was saved. So close. Jordan was subbed off at the 71st minute mark, looking frustrated as she walked off. Chelsea were up 5-0.

It ended 6-0 to Chelsea. 6 goals with 6 different goal scorers, and if that wasn’t impressive enough, they were missing their best striker, Sam Kerr. It was undeniable how good they were. How clinical. There were unbelievable players on both sides, she thought, Rachel Daly unable to be used to potential during the game for Aston Villa. She also loved how Jordan played, which was much more aggressive than she’d imagined, and she wondered if Lucy had encouraged that at all. Jordan seemed to get annoyed easily on the field, but she also managed to pick the ball from players when they didn’t expect it.

When the game was done, a few players from both sides came over for a chat. As she’d said at the pub, they weren’t conducting interviews yet, and so they were just friendly chats with players interested in Lumos. Most players requested photos of themselves to be sent to them, and YFN agreed to this. If they’d post them on their Instagram with the Lumos watermark, that would be a great start.

Jordan wandered over after Millie Bright and Erin Cuthbert had finished their conversation with YFN. She greeted them briefly and almost fell into YFN’s arms. Tired little Dory after 71 minutes of running around.

“I’m your number one fan, Miss Nobbs, will you sign my hoodie?”

Jordan was disappointed at the game but grinned at that. “I’ll do you one better, chicken.”

Jordan removed her jersey and signed it before giving it to YFN who’s mouth had dropped open. “Really?”

Jordan seemed proud of herself. “Really.” She had her arms wrapped around her little body, shivering in the rain.

“Come here!” YFN took one of the Lumos merch hoodies she had and pulled it over her friend’s head. “I know it’s company merch, but you can just hide the logo with your arms if you want.”

“Ohhh it’s so warm.” She said as she pulled the hood up, still shivering. YFN pulled her to her chest and rubbed her back. “Y..Yeeeeees.”

“Comfy, huh? You played brilliantly out there, Dory. I didn’t realise how aggressive you get when you play?”

“Do I?” She asked sheepishly.

“Ohhh yes. Very entertaining. Also, do they not have a kit small enough for you?”

“I’m an extra extra extra small. And no, they apparently don’t. I’ll need a belt for my shorts soon!”

Matt and Ruby appeared then, wide-eyed at YFN holding Jordan to keep her warm. They were both from Birmingham and Matt was an Aston Villa fan. “J…Jordan Nobbs, I’m Matt… hey.” He introduced himself with an awkward hand out.

Jordan was amused by this and shook his hand. “Hello Matt. Did you get any good photos? You were almost chasing us up the boundary line!”

“Oh! I hope it wasn’t distracting. I’m a videographer and I have a few of you if you’d like to see?”

Matt and Ruby showed Jordan the footage they’d gotten for her, proud when Jordan was obviously impressed.

“Oh I think this is going to work out great, chicken.” She said to YFN with a grin.

“We’ll make sure to edit the footage and have it sent to you tomorrow for approvals to post, and for your own use.” She smiled.

“Yes! Please! And I was thinking pizza tonight?”

“I would die for some pizza and hot chocolate in this weather. The crew and I need to go through a lot of editing though before the games tomorrow though.”

“Just bring everyone over! We have room. There’s only eight people, right? I’ll get extra pizza.”

“Wait.. you LIVE together?” Ruby asked.

Jordan looked at YFN and gave a little chuckle. “You haven’t told them?”

She shrugged. “It didn’t seem relevant… but I think that’s a great idea. We’ll all have pizza and do some editing, as long as no one is allergic to Blu.”

“I get to meet Blu?!” Matt asked before he blushed at his admittance that he knew Jordan had a dog.

“As long as everyone is out by 8pm. We need to get some sleep.” Jordan slapped her friend’s shoulder.

“Five of our guys need to get back to London tonight so they’ll all be out early. As for pizza…Joe can shout that.” YFN said with a wink at Jordan.

They’d been through five pizzas and hours of footage and photos when YFN’s phone finally dinged. She’d never picked up her phone so quick in her life. Jordan gave her a look that she missed as the room drowned out and she focussed on her phone.

Lucy: Sorry, little one. Just got home from training. Lost my phone yesterday.

YFN: How are you texting me..?

Lucy: MacBook.

YFN: I was starting to worry.. can we talk?

Lucy: We need to talk, but not over text. I’m not a good texter. Security said a fan found my phone so I’ll get it tomorrow at the game and call you after it, okay?

YFN could tell Lucy had something to say and agreed that it would be best to talk over the phone rather than things being misinterpreted over text.

YFN: Okay Luce.

Lucy: I’ll call you about five-thirty your time. Will you be free?

YFN: Okay, I’ll be driving to Crawley then.

Lucy: You’ll be staying in the London apartment overnight, I hope?

A worried Lucy meant she still cared.

YFN: Is that still okay?

Lucy: I’d be upset if you didn’t. I meant it when I gave you that keychain.

YFN looked down at it. Three different coloured house keys, the car key, and three flags. She bit her lip and remembered the look in Lucy’s eyes when she’d given it to her. It was the best present anyone have ever given her. They had so much to talk about, but most were better off over the phone except one.

YFN: I love it, Luce. How’s your hand?

Lucy: It’s okay. Stupid accident. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow, okay?

YFN: Yes, please. Have a good game tomorrow, Luce.

There had been no text from Lucy when she woke, but she’d expected that. Her start to the day was slow as she woke early to pack her bag for an overnight in London. She left before Jordan was even awake, putting her overnight bag in the boot before she got in the driver’s seat. She looked down at the little keyring that Lucy had given her. She’d only realised today that the key colours represented her clubs. The blue key for Manchester represented Man City, the red key for London represented England, and the yellow key for Barca represented Spain and the Barca away kit from 2022. It would be her first time using the keys, and the idea of using them felt a little wrong to her, especially after the previous few days. She felt bad. She played with the little flags before putting them in the cup holder and starting the car.

She arrived at Meadow Park early, glad that her reserved parking space was close so she wouldn’t be so held up trying to get to the end of the Spurs and Everton game. She met up with Bridget and Emily who were a couple, and both Arsenal supporters. It was very obvious, the way they were practically bouncing up and down. Bridget and Emily both did a bit of videography and photography, however it was clear that Emily was better with photographs and Bridget with videography as Bridget was a bit more excitable when it came to chasing players around the boundary lines for videos, whereas Emily was definitely the more shy and level-headed one. They were incredibly entertaining.

As YFN was also present, she would make the most of herself by taking some photos also. As she was setting up her camera, she felt two arms slide around her waist and pick her up in a hug.

“Ohhhh here she is!” Caitlin almost shouted.

“I could pick you up with one arm, chick, there’s nothin’ to ya!” Katie said as she put her back down.

YFN laughed and hugged the pair. They were in their warmup gear, ready to prep with the rest of their teammates who were entering the field. Kyra saw them and ran over excitedly.

“Finally here to watch the Aussies, huh?” She cheered as she leapt onto Caitlin’s back.

“You’re so annoyin’!” Caitlin laughed. Kyra was definitely the little sister of the group.

“I’m a bit worried we won’t be able to keep up with you, to be honest. You’re just too quick, mate.” YFN winked, knowing Kyra would love the compliment. She did. She grinned proudly.

Bridget and Emily noticed the interaction then and couldn’t resist walking. YFN introduced her excited and nervous colleagues to the trio.

“Oh, I’ve seen you around in the stands before.” Caitlin said.

“Yeah, don’t you two do Tik Toks?” Katie asked.

“We used to have a Tik Tok and Instagram channel for female football, but now we’ve had a lot more training and we’re with Lumos.” Bridget said, proud that they recognised them.

“Ohh upgradin’ to the big leagues are ya? Well it’s nice to have you in the team. We’re lookin’ forward to the photos you can get for us.”

“If you can keep up!” Kyra said, flexing her bicep. Katie grinned while Caitlin rolled her eyes in fake annoyance.

“Bridget and Emily are massive Gooners, they’ll keep up for sure.”

Jonas called out then and the trio said their goodbyes as they headed over to warmup.

“How is it that you know everyone already?” Bridget asked as she looked at the team in awe. “We’ve been around forever and we’ve never met them.”

YFN shrugged. “Luck, I guess?”

Both Katie and Caitlin were starting for Arsenal, with Caitlin’s Matildas teammate Steph Catley and Lucy’s England teammates, Lotte Wubben-Moy and Alessia Russo. For Man City, Lucy’s old team, there were two Matildas; Alanna Kennedy and Mary Fowler as well as a few of the England squad also; Chloe Kelly, Lauren Hemp, Esme Morgan and upcoming goalkeeper Khiara Keating. The game was a mess… but it was great. The referee had given out so many yellow cards that even YFN who knew the bare minimum about the sport knew it was overkill. In the first 20 minutes, there were 4 yellow cards, 2 to each team, and a goal for Arsenal. A beautiful assist from Caitlin to her Aussie teammate Steph who launched top bins at the 14 minute mark. By half time it was 1-0 Arsenal, and 6 yellow cards had been given out. The teams were very evenly matched, both with incredible players from all over the world.

After half time, the game restarted just as crazy as the first half and at the 53rd minute mark, Caitlin was shown a yellow for a bad foul. A few substitutions were made for both teams in the 60th minute, however it didn’t seem effective until Man City scored their equaliser with Chloe Kelly. Steph went down hard in the 85th minute, and finally Arsenal had their second goal 2 minutes later. Unfortunately, their goal had come at the cost of a bad mistake make by the Man City keeper, Khiara Keating who was left in tears. More shots were made, more substitutions and of course, Katie managed the game’s 8th yellow card in overtime for a bad foul.

The game ended 2-1 Arsenal, effectively ending Man City’s unbeaten start to the season. It was the best game of football she’d ever seen, though she couldn’t help but be upset for the young Man City goalkeeper who couldn’t seem to be consoled for her mistake. She had spoken to her at the pub, though knew she didn’t know her well enough to try and comfort her. Her teammates were already supporting her enough. She looked over at Bridget and Emily who were being respectful and not trying to get any footage of her as she walked off the field.

Kyra came back over to YFN before any of the others could, and they started chatting. She was the newest signing to the club and hadn’t had the opportunity to show how good she was, but she seemed confident that she would.

“Will you cover internationals?”

“That’s the plan! My boss wants to take over everything so this is really just the beginning.”

“Yeah the girls were showing me some of the photos and they look great!”

“We’ll send them to you so you can do what you want with them also. Promote yourself, mate.”

“They don't cost anything?”

“Nope.”

“You’re going to be so busy..”

“Oh don’t I know it. We’ve only covered two games so far but I can already see we need a lot more people for all areas, especially editing.” She groaned, looking over to where Katie, Steph and Caitlin were making their way over.

Kyra noticed and spoke nervously before they arrived. “Have you… been to a Leicester game yet?”

“Leicester? No, that one’s in Liverpool tonight so I’m missing it this round.”

“Okay.”

YFN wondered at her question. “Are you a secret Leicester fan?”

“No! No.. I just.. I know someone who plays for them.”

“Oh? Who?”

“Well there’s Remy Siemsen who’s Aussie too..” She looked at the trio getting closer. “..and then there’s Courtney Nevin…”

YFN understood now. Caitlin had told her about that. Courtney and Kyra grew up together and went to high school with each other. They dated for a while and then had a falling out, both unfollowing each other and never seen talking to each other. She looked at the young Australian who was blushing and looking at her feet. She leant closer to talk quietly so the others wouldn’t hear. “Would you like me to talk to her?”

“I’m not sure. I just.. think I want to make sure she’s okay.”

YFN caught her eye and gave her a supportive smile and a nod. “I’ll do that when I see her, okay? I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks.” She whispered.

“Ohhhh COONEY CROSS CROSS CROSS.” Caitlin wrapped an arm around her neck and pulled her close. “Debut next week for you, Ky, I bet money on it.”

Kyra grinned.

“That’ll be fun against Leicester, you can run wild!” Katie said.

Kyra’s face dropped, and her eyes widened as she caught YFN’s eye. That’s right, it was Arsenal vs Leicester next week. “Will you be there?”

“I won’t… I’ll be covering the Bristol, Aston Villa game in Bristol. Matt and Ruby will be covering that one.”

Kyra gave her a ‘please help’ look that she couldn’t avoid. “But now that I think about it… it would make more sense for me to switch with Matt and do the United/West Ham game and then the Arsenal/Leicester game so I have more interaction with the players. Plus, Matt is a huge Aston Villa fan.”

Kyra looked a little relieved.

“Steph, great game!” YFN said, looking at the Matilda’s vice-captain. “Great goal.”

“Aw, thank you! I’m not really known for my goals so I’m happy to get one.”

The five of them bantered for a little with Bridget and Emily joining them, utterly star struck as they showed them their photos and videos. Then Katie insisted that they do an interview together.

“I don’t have my equipment... my microphones. I haven’t even prepped questions.”

“Oh bull, we’ll be fine. Besides, we’ll answer anythin’ you ask.”

“Microphones are right here,” Bridget said sheepishly as she opened her equipment box.

YFN thought for a second before deciding she couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Players were never interviewed more than two at a time usually, so it would be a brilliant first interview.

She set them up with their mics and Bridget set up the camera. YFN was nervous, but she went with it.

“Okay, rolling? Fantastic. We’re here at Meadow Park with four of our Gunners, and the famous Ausenal trio. Now, we didn’t originally plan for an interview today, but Katie insisted on it…”

“Heeey hey hey, don’t tell them that!” Katie laughed before looking at her teammates. “And now that you say it, I’m feelin’ a little excluded bein’ the only non-Aussie here.”

“Are you used to being around the Aussies yet?”

“They’re so unique that I’m not sure to be fair.”

“Aw come on, we’re not that bad, mate.” Caitlin chimed in. They shared a look. “Maybe Kyra.”

“She is the annoying little sister.” Steph laughed.

Kyra rolled her eyes and looked at YFN. “They’re always complaining, but they love me really.”

The interview went so naturally between the five that YFN had lost all sense of nervousness. Instead, it ended up being good banter and she could see from the reactions of Bridget and Emily that it must have been entertaining. They spoke a little about Kyra settling in, Steph’s goal, Man City’s players and then with Caitlin starting them all teasing Katie about her late yellow card. Katie never admitted to it, but it was obvious she enjoyed her reputation of yellow cards with that cheeky Irish smile of hers.

“Oh, here’s trouble.” Steph said as Alanna Kennedy crashed their interview. She was a defender for Man City, and the Matildas. She greeted them all, obviously knowing the Australians, knowing Katie because she was dating Caitlin, and knowing YFN from their long conversation at the pub.

“Hey babe, I’m a bit offended you never asked me for an interview.” She teased; arm slung around Caitlin’s shoulder.

“Oh, I was forced into this, mate.” YFN grinned.

“Well let me call Alex over and we’ll give you the Man City perspective…”

Alex Greenwood joined the now extending interview, the girls having to share the microphones between them, and Bridget needing to step back just to get them all in frame.

They spoke about Man City, and YFN made sure to compliment the way the Arsenal and Man City players were able to compliment each other’s teams, players and good plays. They had a brief conversation about that being one of the great, major differences between the men and women’s games, and Kyra made a cheeky comment also about not rolling around on the ground for as long.

YFN wasn’t going to bring up the incident with Khiara Keating, but Alex and Alanna did, both showing their support. The Arsenal girls were also incredibly supportive about the incident also, and Katie spoke about mistakes that she had made that were necessary to the player she was now.

They ended the interview as the girls were all called over to their teams, and Kyra stole the Lumos beanie from YFN’s head. She rolled her eyes and laughed at them as they ran away. Bridget and Emily were gushing about it all the way to the car park, excited to edit the video. They all said goodbyes and parted ways, the pair headed to Crawley for the Brighton/United game while YFN was stopping by the Spurs/Everton game to check on Matt and Ruby.

YFN arrived just in the last ten minutes of the game as Everton were able to equalise with a goal. She spoke to Matt about the change of schedule for the next week, and he seemed excited to be covered Aston Villa again, not minding about the extra drive, and Ruby offering to pick YFN up from the airport as she would be flying in from Barcelona.

Before she left Brisbane Road stadium, she checked the Barca game to see how Lucy was doing. It was well into the second half 7-0 to Barca, with 4 goals by Salma, 3 assists by Graham Hansen, and 1 beautiful assisted lob by Lucy. The next 3 goals were made after half time, 1 assist by Alexia before Lucy was subbed out at the 58th minute. Alexia was subbed out not long after, and she wondered at that, looking at the highlights of the parts of the game she’d missed. What interested her was the fact that the commentators were speaking about how aggressive Lucy and Alexia were being. Both had been yellow carded, which was a rarity for them, and from the highlights, she thought they were both lucky to have only gotten yellows. They were pushing and shoving and getting a lot of aggression out. It made sense that they’d both been subbed off, even though they were playing incredibly well.

She started driving, finding herself thirty minutes away from Crawley when the clock ticked over to five-thirty. She waited for the phone call a little nervously. As each minute ticked over, she grew more and more disheartened. Eventually she arrived at Crawley, pulling up into the stadium and giving up on waiting for the phone call that would never come.

[idolomantises]

Hello there! It's great to see your askbox open again because I cannot stress enough how much I adore your art style and storytelling.

I've got two questions, if that's alright.

1: How do you keep a consistent upload schedule of your comics? As someone working on a series myself, it's hella difficult due to real life stuff and trying to find the time to actually sit down and start illustrating and writing stuff.

And 2. Will we ever see The Seven Deadly Sins in MnG? I remember your Asmodeus design which was absolutely brilliant looking and am curious to know if you're gonna end up doing more with that really cool idea!

As always, keep up the great work, seeing your comics and art in my notifications is always a treat. Have a great night!

I actually don't want to explain this because my work schedule is far from healthy, and I'm only able to produce so much art thanks to my incredibly talented assistants. And even still, I don't have much free time! I'll just say, take a hiatus and start developing back ups ahead of time.

Yes absolutely, I actually planned to introduce Asmodeous WAY earlier, hence dropping her (she's female now) design so soon but decided to hold back, and fine tune her a bit more (she's actually getting and outfit update because I dont really like what she wears). I like the idea of portraying the deadly sins as Gods to these demons, so you very rarely see them and are only mentioned in passing. I prefer showing the demon descendants because it allows me to humanize them more while representing their sin. i dont want to portray the deadly sins as irredeemably evil (they'll still be. awful lmao trust me, none of these sins are good people), but I want to flesh them out a bit, without putting too much focus on them. so it'll be fun to see how people react.

[thephooka]

Happy Webcomic Day! My webcomic White Noise is a labor of love--according to Procreate, this page took me 15.5 hours to complete.* Here's a look into that process!

Some other notes:

The thumbnails are done on graph paper and I script while I do them--there is no separate written script for White Noise. I usually spent a couple hours on weekends as needed thumbnailing, sometimes at a coffee shop or at home listening to records.

I then set up the file in Photoshop, so I can lay in the text and use the template I have with bleeds already set up. The text is rasterized and I shuttle the file over to my iPad via Airdrop.

The bulk of the actual work is done in Procreate, which records timelapses that I sometimes share to my Patreon. I usually spend a couple hours most nights after my day job or on the bus commuting doing this.

Once everything art-wise is done, I shuttle the file back over to my desktop to re-set in the text, add a stroke around the speech bubbles (Procreate doesn't have that took fsr) and do the resizing/exporting for web.

On Sunday mornings I get up, queue the page and write the page descriptions. I don't spend any time on the page descriptions outside of that.

Also, this process goes for the whole first arc of White Noise. I'm done with that arc (which means you can binge the whole thing I'm js!!) and am experimenting with some different methods these days, but my workflow is still generally the same.

*Some more talk about the labor (and burnout) involved below the cut:

This particular page (and most of the pages I did in 2023) took a lot longer than normal because I was heading into a burnout period that I'm still lowkey in/recovering from. It's obvious to me now in retrospect watching the timelapse here and seeing how much noodling I'm doing and how much I'm struggling with the process, but at the time I was just very frustrated generally. When I'm not burned tf out pages take maybe 10 hours max.

2023 was a pretty stressful year--lots of big life changes, uncertainty, pet death, health issues--so it's no wonder it propelled me into burnout, but it just goes to show that even the slowest and steadiest pace is not sustainable forever. I've been doing one page a week following this general process for over a decade! And I stuck to that pace because I knew it was one I could maintain. But even so, by the end of this arc I found myself working more and more slowly, not really looking forward to the work, feeling anxious about being behind, unhappy with the finished work, and extremely annoyed with myself for not being able to give it my all right there at the finish line.

I did stop for a while after the epilogue and took a more or less complete break from drawing for about a month--the longest I have EVER gone without drawing, much less working on White Noise--which did help, but these days my ability to work is...inconsistent. I should probably take another total break, but I'm reluctant. What if my passion never comes back? What if people forget about WN? It's already pretty obscure, and with the general social media collapse, it's harder than ever to get people to read my work. Now that I've left Hiveworks, WN doesn't even get the benefit of being linked to other comics (although objectively very, very few readers actually got referred to my comic that way.) And frankly, I'm also just too proud to go too long without comic updates. I've always told myself, I might not be the best artist or the fastest worker or make a popular comic, but I'm consistent. Difficult to let that go.

This is all to say that webcomics are hard. We do them because we love them, we have stories to tell, we are seized with the human compulsion to create. We spend hours of our time, almost always on top of the paying work that allows us to eat, to make something that we then give away for free. It has consequences on us that the reader doesn't often see, no matter how careful we are about it. If you ask me, webcomics deserve to be valued more.

Happy Webcomic Day! Read webcomics!

[ficzers]

Hey!!

You can call me Ficzers, and I’m a Reader x Character fic writer currently taking in requests!

-

The only fandoms I am currently accepting is Undertale/Deltarune (with an emphasis on the Skelebros, and AUs are allowed as well!), and Arcane!!

I’ll do headcanons, one-shots, and basically anything you want! I’m doing this to practice my writing skills more, but in a fun, stress-free way!

RULES FOR REQUESTS:

-No NSFW

-No characters under 18 (no loopholes like time skips or “unconfirmed ages”)

-Keep in mind I will have inconsistent posting since I am still in classes

-I will not do full length stories, only one shots with possible add-ons

-None of the requests I get are garaunteed going to be written, this is for my own enjoyment in writing!

-I won’t do poly relationships, I myself am not poly so I just don’t feel comfortable writing them!

Hope to see you guys in the ask box!!

[loversj0y]

this is me trying

coming back to london and being away from wilbur was hard. fighting your own coping methods and trying is harder.

pairing: wilbur soot x gn! reader

angst, hurt/comfort

TRIGGER WARNINGS: fighting, yelling, broken bottles, lots of tears, and alcoholism, plus the briefest (one line) insinuation of suicidal thoughts.

note: this is part of the 'tis the damn season universe, but doesn't particularly have to be read alongside it (though you'd probably be very confused if you didnt read it). this part is pretty heavy. not even going to lie, i had to stop writing a few times to keep myself from getting too stressed, really heed the warnings. at least im getting better at writing fights? ao3 version

word count: 5.7k

You and Wilbur hadn’t seen each other in months. It was May, and the warm air was making the days feel a bit more pleasant if it weren’t for the glaring guilt in your chest. 

The last time you and Wilbur had seen each other was Valentine’s Day, when he’d taken a train up to London to visit you and surprise you with some takeout and roof access to your apartment — you didn’t actually know you could get up there. He wasn’t able to spend too much time with you, mostly due to your own time constraints, but it was a nice trip nonetheless. When he left, you’d promised you’d come down to Brighton to visit him soon.

That didn’t quite work out. You were going to visit for a full week at the end of the second term, however, once you’d met with your advisor, you learned just how behind you were on your final dissertation. It was incredulous because you had thought you were on track with it, but regardless you had to spend break trapped in the library, trying desperately to catch up on writing your paper on Lord Byron’s work. Then, you were supposed to visit during the Easter weekend, but you were given a paper, due in a week, that blocked any opportunities for travel. 

But you were determined this time. You had to do this. You devised a plan, and you found a perfect weekend where you would be completely free of assignments if you hustled. You even got Tommy in on it. 

“Hey, Tommy, sorry to call you like this, do you have a moment to chat?” 

You heard a laugh through the phone, “Yeah, hold on,” he mumbled something off the phone, and you could make out the sounds of him walking to another room. 

“What’s up?”

“I want to surprise Wilbur, and I need your help.” You smiled as you started launching into the details of your plan, each piece meticulously planned out for a wonderful weekend. 

He grinned, “Aw, he would love that. Why d’ya need my help though?” 

“Well,” you faltered a bit, “there’s a flaw in my plan, and it’s that I don’t know where Wilbur’s apartment is, and I especially don’t know how to get there from the station. So, I was wondering if you’d be able to pick me up and take me to Will’s?” 

“Oh, yeah, no problem, plus it’ll allow me to annoy him a bit as well, so yeah, sounds good.”

You cheered a bit, “Thank you so much, Tommy, you’re the best. I’ll text you all the other details, yeah?”

“Aw, I am the best, thank you. And yeah, that works.”

“Perfect, bye, Tommy!”

He responded with a quick bye in return, and you felt yourself grin. You had been trying so hard to find time to be able to go see him, and this was it!

You got a call a few minutes later from Wilbur himself, and you worried immediately that Tommy may have spilled something accidentally. You didn’t even have a chance to speak before he questioned you.

“Why did you call Tommy with something he will only describe as being ‘important’ and ‘for cool people only’?”

You snorted out a laugh, rolling your eyes a bit, “Well, hello, to you, too, Wilbur.”

“Hi, darling, I hope your classes went well today,” he rushed out, “Now answer my question.”

“I just had a question for him, Will.”

“One that you couldn’t ask me?” You could hear the pout in his voice.

“Nope. As he mentioned, it's for cool people only.”

He let out a gasp, indignation clear in his voice, “Darling, how could you? I am much cooler than Tommyinnit.”

You could faintly make out the sound of Tommy yelling at Wilbur in the background. 

“Don’t worry, alright?” You laughed, “It was just something only he could really answer.”

“Are there questions that exist that only that gremlin child can answer?”

“Believe it or not, yes.”

Wilbur whined on the other side of the phone, “Love, you know he’s going to hold this over me for months, right?”

“Oh, I’m aware.”

“So, why?”

“Well, if I’m going to ask a Minecraft-related question,” you lied cooly, “it’s better to ask a professional, isn’t it?”

He was silent for a long moment. “...I am a professional.”

“Will, we’ve played Minecraft together for years. You’re good, but even I could beat you at PVP.”

He groaned, “Is this some ploy? Are you messing with me?”

“Is it wrong for me to try and get closer to your best friend by asking him questions about his interests?” Okay, truthfully, that was a low blow. But the surprise would make it worth it.

“I guess not.” He chuckled, “Sorry, I’m just annoyed about how smug he’s going to be about this.”

“Don’t apologize. You know I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to chat with you, anyway.”

“I wouldn’t either, love,” you could hear the smile in his voice, and the vague sound of Tommy speaking to someone. From over the phone, the room sounded louder than before. 

“Is… something going on over there?” You chuckled, trying to hide the nervousness in your tone. You didn’t even know why you were nervous. Something was just gnawing at the back of your brain, and for some reason, you just felt… tense now.

“Oh, uh,” he paused, and you could hear more people talking now, “sort of. It’s nothing big or anything just, uh, Tommy’s having some friends over is all. He and I have been hanging out for a bit today, but we’re just at his now, so he invited a few people over and stuff.”

You nodded quietly. You couldn’t help the sadness you felt fill your chest. You were trying to be there, but it was still hard to hear about all the things you were missing out on, all the times you missed him, and stories and inside jokes you would never truly understand. 

“Right, okay. Well, I-I’ve got to get back to studying, anyway, so.”

“Darling, it’s nothing, really-” “No, it’s not an excuse or anything,” It was,  “I-I just… ‘m busy, is all, so I’ll let you hang out.”

You were both silent. He knew you were lying, and you could tell. But he wouldn’t call you on it. Not now. Not when you hadn’t seen each other in months and every slight felt like a balancing act, trying to keep the other from pulling away. You were so excited a moment ago, and you didn’t mean for the sadness to overtake your entire conversation. You just couldn’t help sometimes how every conversation, every time you heard him talk about the things he was doing, cut you open more and more. He didn’t mean to, and you would never hold it against it but almost every conversation opened the wound a bit further. 

He spoke up after a minute, “Okay, well… good luck studying, and text me when you’re done,” he paused, voice softer, “I love you.”

You bit your lip, unable to hide the guilt bubbling in your chest at his solemn tone, “I will. I love you too.”

You hung up quickly, setting your phone down on your desk. You placed your head in your hands, taking a shaky breath and fighting off the tears in your eyes. It would be easier, soon. You’d see him in a week. You tried to console yourself.

 You wouldn’t admit it out loud to Wilbur, no matter how much he asked, but you weren’t entirely adjusting well to being back here, without him. The first week, you could only fall asleep if he was on the phone with you. Then, there was one night where he fell asleep before you could call. You ended up turning to an older sleep method, knowing that you needed to get to bed in order to be able to make it to classes. Before you knew it, your room became littered with empty bottles you barely had the energy to clean up. It was an interesting dichotomy, the clear vodka bottles piling on your nightstand and the white Panadol bottles piling on your sink and in your backpack. You were mostly lucky the weekend he came for Valentine’s Day, because you had forced yourself to clean up your room a few days before, meaning there was only one half-empty bottle of vodka on your shelf, and a single bottle of Panadol left on your sink (though there were numerous more inside your school bag). 

You weren’t completely lucky, though. Your weekend with Wilbur was almost entirely perfect. Until the end. Every time you thought back to the end, you watched the memory as if it wasn’t you, as if you were a watcher, not the one actually there.

You’d walked back in with Wilbur, around midnight. The apartment was mostly quiet, except for one of your roommates who was standing in the kitchen,  fixing themselves a drink. When they heard you enter, they turned, perking up a bit.

“Y/N, hey, could I borrow some vodka? I ran out.”

You’d nodded, “Yeah, I’ll grab it, hold on.”

While you’d gone to grab the bottle, Wilbur took his coat off, your roommate lightly chatting with Wilbur while you walked to your room and back. You’d only caught the ending of their brief conversation, listening in as you walked slowly from the hallway back to the kitchen, trying to not wake up your other roommates. 

“-mean, seriously, Wilbur, they can even drink me under the table. Every week, they come in with a new bottle.”

“Wait, every week?”

“Yeah!” Your roommate was laughing, and it hadn’t even crossed your mind yet that they were talking about you, “I mean, seriously, once a week, they walk in and one hand has a bag with vodka from Tesco, and the other hand has a bag from the chemist’s.” 

You walked back over by the time your roommate finished speaking, placing the bottle in front of them. Wilbur gave you a strange look as you did, going uncharacteristically quiet as you said a quick goodnight to your roommate, bringing Wilbur, and the bottle, back to your room. 

You placed the bottle back on the shelf while Wilbur closed the door. With your back turned, he spoke up finally. 

“Darling…” he seemed to struggle to find the words, “Are you… okay?”

You’d chuckled, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You tell me,” he spoke, and you turned to face him. He had a sad look on his face, almost pitiful, and in the moment, it made you feel sick. “You’ve apparently been going through a bottle a week.”

Your entire body had gone rigid, eyes had gone fearful for a moment before you’d defaulted to being defensive. “That doesn’t mean anything is wrong, Wilbur. It just helps me relax, and you know that I can handle my alcohol.”

“Love, you can’t seriously expect me to just accept that answer,” he scoffed, and he almost looked mad. Looking back, you knew he wasn’t mad at you, more just concerned that you were trying to hide this from him. Even so, in the moment, you thought he was mad. While you couldn’t really place why he would’ve been mad, you knew that it made your own blood heat up. 

“Well, it’s- the fucking truth, okay? So just- leave it.”

“How many bottles?”

“Wilbur, what-”

“How. Many.” He looked tense, walking to your bathroom and grabbing the bottle of Panadol, “How many weeks has this been going on? How many bottles have you gotten? If you’re struggling, you should–”

“I’m not fucking struggling, you’re reading into this!”

“Oh, am I? Really?”

“Yes, Wilbur! I am fine, better than fine, in fact, and don’t act like you haven’t been drinking too. You always text me when you do!”

“I’m not against you drinking, but you know how insane going through a fifth a week is. I know that’s not normal for you.”

“How the fuck do you know that? Hm?” You’d practically yelled out before you spoke out again, each word spitting venom at him, “You haven’t been here, Wilbur, you don’t know anything about the way I am when I’m here! Please stop fucking acting like you know everything about me.” You’d gestured with your hands while you spoke, eyebrows raising as you looked at him incredulously, “Yes, okay, fine, you win! I have been drinking more! Basically every night, but that doesn’t mean that something is wrong with me, Wilbur. I am trying my hardest just to fucking exist enough to finish the school year, I am allowed to have vices without it being some big, stupid conversion. Now, let’s just drop it, we’re both exhausted. It’s not going to help to just stand here and argue, okay?”

You’d panted softly as you’d finished. You watched as waves of hurt appeared on Wilbur’s face, and now that the moment had passed, you’d felt just complete, immediate regret as you watched his face fall, staring down at the floorboards. 

“Yeah. Fine.” He spoke out flatly.

You two went to bed that night next to each other, still sharing a kiss and exchanging “I love you”s, but feeling tenser than ever before. 

In the morning, you two had been able to patch things up, but not before Wilbur made you agree to just call him anytime you needed to relax instead of immediately turning to alcohol. You agreed, and you’d been doing a pretty good job of it, even if you still drink sometimes. But ever since the fight, there’d been this tense air in your relationship, lingering in each conversation, both too scared to overstep and lose the other all over again.

You stared at the bottle on your desk as if it was taunting you. You couldn’t call him, so it was that or sleeplessness. You sat up, shaking your head slightly and wiping the tears from your face, taking a deep breath. You couldn’t. Wilbur would call before bed, he always did now. Instead, you distracted yourself, pulling up your laptop and writing out your list of due dates for this week and the next two weeks, albeit the tears in your eyes made it a bit harder than usual. You wrote the list on a sticky note, placing it on your laptop. Some of these things were easier to knock out than others, for sure. Three big assignments and three small ones, plus whatever reading you had to do in between. Thankfully, only two of the big assignments were due this week, the last one could be left for after you came back from visiting him. 

You got started, working on a poem analysis for your Romantic Poetry class and letting your own thoughts fade in the noise of Wordsworth and Keats. 

You’d started working on your second small assignment when he’d called later that night. You set your phone up against your laptop, accepting the video call with a gentle smile on your face. 

“Hi, darling,” he grinned, and with a quick listen to his voice, you could tell he wasn’t entirely sober. You didn’t bring it up.

“Hi, Will. Did you have fun at Tommy’s?”

He nodded quickly, turning to get comfortable in his bed, “Kid’s a menace, for sure, but yes,” he frowned, getting a better look at you, “Babe, are you still studying?”

You sighed, “Yes, Will, I am.” “It’s been like three hours, how dare they? How could they possibly assign you so much?”

“God, I wish I knew. It’s like they all just decided that everything would be due this week. I might not be able to do our video chat dinner this Friday. I have a huge project due on the 21st.” In reality, you would be taking an hour train to his place and having real-life dinner, but he didn’t need to know that yet. 

“That’s not for so long though,” he whined out, pouting.

You chuckled, rolling your eyes a bit, “Yes, but it’s Professor Brian. He makes us all come to his office hours, so he can make sure we’re on the right track, and I need to go in early before the other students can take up all the timeslots. I need to make sure I have everything prepared for that.”

He sighed, relinquishing, “Okay. I know how important all this is, anyways. Plus, graduation isn’t too far now, so you need to finish strong.” He smiled, nothing but supportive towards your academic goals. 

“Graduation will be here before we know it. Still gonna host me that party?”

You both laughed, and he nodded, “Oh, absolutely. We’ll have two parties, a moving party and a graduation party all in one.”

You smiled fondly at him, nodding, “Yeah. That sounds really nice.”

He gave you a look, eyes full of love and adoration, “I miss you so much, love.”

You sighed wistfully, “I miss you too. We’ll see each other soon enough, I’m sure. We’ve waited years, we can do months.” 

He grinned, repeating your words, “We can do months.”

The rest of the conversation was standard, asking “How’s your day”s and sharing loving words. He tried to convince you to sleep once more, but you told him how important your work was, and he eventually gave up the topic. You wished each other a goodnight, saying “I love you”, before he eventually headed to bed fully. After you hung up, you looked back up at the bottle. The urge to drink was gone now. And if you weren’t going to get any sleep, you may as well continue working.

The rest of the week went by smoothly. The stress and weight of assignments and your plans for Friday kept you from sleeping properly, which at least gave you more time to work on your assignments. 

Friday approached quickly, and you couldn’t sit still in a single class the entire day, let alone Professor Brian’s class. He taught your Victorian Literature class, and he was a genuinely caring professor, despite being a bit intimidating. You could barely focus throughout class, far too excited. When it was time for class to be dismissed, you stood eagerly, but Professor Brian stood in the way for you to leave.

“Do you mind staying a few minutes?” He asked, a kind smile on his face.

As much as you didn’t want to, you really liked this professor, and his opinion of you meant a lot to you. So you nodded, following him to pull a chair up to the other side of his desk. 

He sat down, giving you a gentle smile, “I wanted to ask how your paper is going. You haven’t come in for office hours yet.”

Wow, and you thought you were the early prepper. “Well, I was planning to come in on Wednesday since it would give me a week until the project was actually due.”

He frowned, “What day is the paper due?”

You gave him a confused look, responding simply, “The 21st.”

His head tilted back, and he nodded slowly, “Right, I’ve found the problem then. The paper is due the 12th, not the 21st.”

You felt your heart stop. You pulled out your laptop, looking at the sticky note you had taped to it. You had certainly written the 21st. Fuck, you thought, realizing quickly that it must’ve been a consequence of your own mental state since you’d been crying when you wrote the list. 

“Oh. Oh, god, I’m-” You struggled to continue your sentence, too distraught. The paper was due in three days, not twelve like you’d thought.

“Hey, don’t fret,” he pulled out his calendar, humming for a moment, “It’s an honest mistake, and you’ve always been on top of your classwork. I can’t offer a major extension, but I can give you until Wednesday the 14th, but that’s only if you come to office hours first thing on Monday. I can help out with some more of the editing work for the paper, but only on that day, and you’ll need to have at least most of it worked out. I trust in your abilities to create a well-thought-out thesis, especially given your passion in previous classes when we’ve discussed Wilde. Does that work?”

You nodded quickly, fighting tears as your entire plan crumbled around you. “Yeah, yes. I-I can do that.”

“Alright.” He offered you another kind smile, though it did nothing to stop the feeling of the world-shattering around you, “And are you alright? You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t wish to, but you were much more quiet in class today than usual.”

“Yeah. It’s nothing now, anyway.” You sighed, biting your lip to keep it from quivering too much. You stood, pulling your bag on while he nodded slowly.

“Keep your head up, alright? You’re a brilliant student. I don’t like to see you falling behind.” 

You knew he meant no harm with his words, but it added to the pit of self-hatred that you were slowly sinking into. 

You just nodded, turning and heading towards the door, “Thank you, Professor.”

“Have a good rest of your day.”

“You too,” you spoke, trying to put more enthusiasm into your words than you actually felt. 

You practically ran out of the hallway, the air feeling like it was choking you. You walked to a random bench outside, on the edge of campus, unable to stop yourself from completely breaking down. You’d been planning this for weeks, how could you have fucked up this bad? You sobbed, head in your hands. 

The tears didn’t stop. The sun was starting to set, and all of a sudden it felt like there were too many eyes on you, so you stood and ran. You ran all the way to the water, panting heavily as you stared out at the river, standing on the old bridge that was always abandoned this time of night. You stared at the water as you sobbed, chest heaving as you struggled to breathe. 

Fuck.

Fuck.

You had to call Tommy. You already felt like enough of a fuck-up, you could at least prevent him from wasting his time picking you up.

With shaky hands, you took out your phone, dialing Tommy.

It rang once before he picked up, your sobs immediately carrying over the phone.

“Y/N?” He asked, panicked, “Are you crying, did something happen?”

You heard some arguing over the phone, but you could barely hear it over the sounds of your own crying as you began to speak, “Tommy, don’t- I-” your voice quivered, biting your lip hard enough to bleed. 

There was still some arguing happening on his side, but you paid it no mind.

He tried to say something, but you cut him off before he could as the words broke through your sobs. 

“Don’t- don’t bother p-picking me up,” you sobbed out, “I f-fucked it. I fucked it all up.”

“Y/N, what’s going on? Talk to me.”

“It’s- it’s stupid, I- I’m sorry. I can’t- I can’t come anymore. I fucked up,” there was sarcastic laughter behind your words as you continued speaking, tears streaming down your face, “I can’t, fuck, I- I fucking ruined everything, I- I was trying, I am trying, but I-” you gasped for breath, one hand clutching your chest weakly as you sat at the edge of the bridge. 

“Take a deep breath, come on. What are you talking about?” It almost sounded like he was pleading. 

“I just-” you sobbed, trying to muffle your cries to get your words out, “Tell Wilbur I’m sorry.” You pulled your phone away from your ear, ending the call despite hearing his panicked voice through the phone. You shoved your phone in your bag, curling up into a tight ball as you sobbed until you could barely think.

Unfortunately for you, you could still think. Your sobbing had been reduced to slow tears and the occasional hitch in your breath. As the sunset faded into the night sky, you became so acutely aware of how you’d fucked up your relationship. The one you’d spent years pining for, that you wanted to work so hard for. You let all of it fall apart. Even when trying so hard, your trying just wasn’t enough. You stood up, walking to the railing and staring down at the water. 

The rushing water felt like it stared back at you. 

You gripped the railing tightly, and you suddenly felt like you couldn’t breathe all over again. You slowly backed away, letting go of the railing and trying to collect yourself. 

Once you were calm enough, you turned, walking the slow trek back to your apartment. Your eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, and it’d be impossible to hide that you’d been crying even if you tried. You realized off-handedly that you had no clue how long you’d been there sobbing. The sky was your only reminder that time had even passed. 

You walked to the apartment slowly, body feeling drained. When you opened the door, you were met with all three of your roommates in the living room, staring at you with concern. One of your roommates, Jayden, sighed softly, speaking into the phone and looking away. 

“What’s going on?” You asked softly, voice cracking. You didn’t have the heart to be embarrassed. 

“Wilbur called,” your other roommate, Quinn, spoke up softly. 

You didn’t bother responding, just nodding and walking to your room. They didn’t fight it, watching you quietly. 

You grabbed the bottle, laying down in your bed, and staring at it. There was barely anything left, probably about a shot’s worth. Your hands shook as you stared, mentally waging a war over whether or not you’d take that final sip. A sob wracked your body, and instead of drinking it, you threw the bottle against the opposite wall, watching it shatter and spill over the floor. You couldn’t be bothered, turning away from the door and curling up into a tight ball. You heard movement outside your door, but you didn’t move, and eventually, the footsteps departed. You closed your eyes, lying drained on your bed and letting yourself drift in and out of restless sleep.

When you came to at one point, you could make out the sound of someone picking up the pieces of glass you’d shattered. You wanted to turn, to mumble a thank you to whichever roommate had cleaned it for you, but you felt frozen in your own sadness. You listened, though, keeping your eyes closed. The sounds of each shard falling into a bag, the sound of a towel wiping at the wet spot left by the vodka. Then, there was a pause before you heard the gentle sound of footsteps moving toward your bed. You felt the bed dip, and you couldn’t fight the confusion that creased into your brow. An arm slowly wrapped around you, and you let your eyes open, taking a moment to process. You thought you must be dreaming.

Your voice sounded weaker than you’d hoped it would as you spoke. 

“Wilbur?” You turned, looking up and seeing the face of your lover staring back at you. He looked as exhausted as you felt, and it looked like he’d been crying as well.

You sat up slowly, and he did the same, brushing back some of your hair. 

“Hi,” He sighed softly, sitting across from you, “You scared the shit out of me.”

Tears welled in your eyes, and your hands reached for him as if to make sure he was actually, really there in front of you. He held onto your arms gently as well. 

“What- what are you doing here?” “You were on speaker when you called Tommy.” He sighed softly, “We could only come for tonight, but we really need to talk. We could wait til the morning if you’d prefer.”

As much as you’d like to have one last good night in his arms, you’d rather rip the bandaid off now.

“No, let’s talk now.” You sighed.

He nodded, watching you quietly, “Can you tell me what happened, then?”

You took a shaky breath, nodding softly. “I was going to come down this weekend. I spent weeks planning it, making sure I could get everything done in perfect timing. But that night I called Tommy, after you called me, I started crying, and I wrote down one of my due dates wrong,” you sniffled, chuckling sardonically at yourself. “God, it’s so stupid. But my professor stopped me after class, and he extended the due date, but he could only extend it by two days. So, I couldn’t come to surprise you anymore, and,” you sobbed, biting your lip and trying to hold yourself together, “I called Tommy and let him know that he didn’t- he didn’t have to pick me up anymore.” 

Wilbur nodded as he listened to you explain. He knew you better than you ever wanted to admit. “On the phone, you said… you ruined everything. You weren’t just talking about the plans, were you?”

You shook your head, moving your hands to hide your face behind them, “No.”

“Did you… think that I would stop talking to you because of this?”

You took a shaky breath. It felt like your last chance to be honest while you still could. So, you let the words spill from your mouth in endless streams.

“I just- I haven’t been doing well, Wilbur, ever since I got back here. I was drinking every night, really heavily, and I know it wasn’t good. And I’m sorry for how I talked to you that night, I was just scared and defensive, and,” you took a shaky breath, “every time we’ve talked after that fight, everything would feel different, and I was just getting terrified that my time was running out, that you were going to finally decide that you’ve had enough of the fucking mess that I am. Every time you would tell me about the cool things you were doing, I just couldn’t help but feel like it was cutting me open, no matter how happy I was for you, and now, I just I feel like I’m an open wound that can’t close no matter how much I try. And I am trying. You have to believe me, really, I am trying. I didn’t,” You cried softly, head still in your hands, “I didn’t drink it. The rest of the bottle, I-I didn’t drink it. I am trying.” You felt like you were pleading for him to believe you.

“Hey, hey” he spoke softly, gently holding onto your forearms, “Let me see your face. Please.”

You let your hands fall, looking up at him. You never felt smaller than in that brief moment where you could feel him seeing you in your entirety. 

He gently moved a hand to your cheek, wiping at your eyes softly. 

“I know you’re trying. I’m proud of you for not drinking it. Really, I’m insanely proud of you. I can see that you’re trying. I’m not going to leave you or stop talking to you because you’re struggling. That doesn’t mean what happened is okay, but darling, you need to communicate with me. Neither of us are going to be perfect about anything, and I know I’m not perfect with it either, but when you start having these thoughts and ideas that I’m going to leave you? That’s when you need to come to me and talk to me. I know it’s hard, and I’m not expecting it to be an easy or quick fix, but I need to know that you know that you can come to me. That I’m someone you truly trust. Because if not, it will just hurt us both.”

You nodded quickly, leaning into his touch, “I’m sorry. I’m going to try, I just- I get so in my head sometimes, I just-” You took a shaky breath, and he carefully moved forward, pulling you into a tight hug. You hugged him back just as tightly, burying your face into his chest.

“I do trust you,” you whispered, “I’m just scared you’re going to see me the way I see me.”

He took a shaky breath, kissing the top of your head. “And I’m just trying to get you to see yourself the way I see you.”

You sobbed softly, clinging onto him tightly. He held you just as desperately, rubbing your back.

“I love you,” you spoke softly once you’d calmed down enough, “so much.” “I love you so much too.” He pulled away, only to pull you in for a kiss. You kissed him back, your arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders. The kiss felt like breathing, a strong sense of relief in the physical confirmation that despite everything, you didn’t lose him.

When you pulled away, you rested your forehead against his, and you both sat like that quietly for a few minutes.

“I missed you,” You spoke softly, looking up at him. “You said you’re only here for tonight?” 

“I missed you too. Even if it didn’t go as planned, at least we still got to see each other this weekend,” he lightly joked before nodding, “We are only here for tonight.”

“Wilbur, I can’t go to Brighton anymore, I have to write my paper,” you sighed.

“Oh, no, I know. I wasn’t talking about you.” “What?” “Tommy insisted on coming with. He was really worried too. He’s currently sleeping on your couch.” 

You chuckled, your chuckle soon turning into full laughter as you imagined Tommy’s lanky limbs leaning off your cheap couch. Wilbur started laughing as well, arms still wrapped around you, slowly rubbing up and down your back.

Once you stopped laughing, you leaned into him, relaxing against his chest. He moved both of you into laying down. 

“I’ll talk to him in the morning. Today’s been exhausting. Can we just sleep?” Wilbur nodded, kissing the top of your head once more. “I would love nothing more than to sleep with you right now.” 

You groaned, lightly hitting his chest, but you couldn’t deny the laughter that bubbled up in your chest. 

“Goodnight, love.” He grinned.

“Goodnight, Wilbur.”

taglist: @shubblelive / @superioritycomplexes / @your-shifting-gurl (send an ask/dm me if you want to be added)

[room-surprise]

Hi there, I’ve been reading your Kabumisu fic (SMHTGOTG) and I am obsessed!!! I love the way you interpret Kabru’s and Mithrun’s personalities and adapt their stories to a modern world. I can’t wait to see more of Mithrun’s past and them meeting the Laios gang!

I truly feel like you gave them the love and depth that Ryoko Kui wants for her characters. I really appreciate it after seeing more one-dimensional takes about Dunmeshi characters on twitter (of course it’s twitter) and even tumblr as the series got more popular.

Kui put so much effort in creating a beautiful and heartfelt story, trying her best to reflect complicated social issues through fantasy setting, showing how characters with varied backgrounds/ races overcome prejudices, grow to respect each other’s differences and how human they all are deep down, all while encouraging fans to care for their health, but all some people zoom in is which race is the most obviously problematic, which race is allowed a free pass to hold prejudice, which character is not that great actually did you not know they were racist at some point in the story??? (Growth? Never heard of her. Ignorance? That’s a CRiME!)

Ironically, all of that just reminds me of how performative the canaries are when they act all shocked and offended about Mithrun stating the slur the elves used to say all the time

(So sorry for the long rant 😭, I just really appreciate your fic and the analysis your made about Dunmeshi among the increasing bad faith takes)

OMG... Anon thank you so much for writing to me! This absolutely made my day. You're very sweet. Honestly I have the best readers in the world you're all paying such close attention to what I write and picking up what I put down, and that makes me so so so happy 😭

The #1 thing I ask myself while I'm planning and writing my fics is "does this feel like something that would happen in Dungeon Meshi?" And I guess I'm doing an OK job of that because people keep telling me what my writing feels like :D

And you are 100% right, there's always been bad takes and oversimplifications of the world and characters of Dungeon Meshi like what you're describing, but since it's getting more popular that means more people are talking about it, which unfortunately means, statistically, that there are going to be more bad takes…

On the positive side, there's also been lots of wonderful new fic and art that people are making, and lots of good takes too! Just a bit frustrating to wade through the swamp of bad stuff to get to the treasure.

Gotta just try hard to stay positive and focus on making good stuff you love, and not stressing about stuff that's bad and makes you upset.

And never apologize for writing me a long message!!! I agree with everything you said and I was so happy to read this when I got up this morning, so thank you for taking the time to write to me. You can write or DM me any time (though obviously you can't stay anon if you're DMing me lol)

[nonbinarydeity]

Give Up Control

This is gonna be a lot to read but PLEASE read it, it's so important, I can not stress this enough.

Holy shit. I just completely connected to my subconscious mind. I literally heard them talking to me, saying the nicest things; I realized somewhere deep inside of me that they have my best interests in mind, and I just gave up control completely.

I'm actually in shock writing this. I didn't realize it, but doing this is actually the best thing I could have ever done for myself. In giving up control, I allowed my subconscious to literally Speedrun the process of manifesting, but it didn't manifest things, it manifested feelings and this knowledge that I am a godly being.

I cannot describe to you how good I feel. It literally feels like my trauma, my pain, my fear, etc has been washed away. The moment I gave my subconscious control, it started washing out all of my old programming and it replaced it with love and acceptance. I feel so free like? I'm so much happier than I've ever felt.

How I gave up control

So what happened was, I was trying to get into the void state, and while doing so I was letting go of my outer world. I think I was one step away from it when my subconscious mind popped into my head and started telling me what I good job I was doing, and it told me that all I had to do this whole time was let go of the outer world, thus giving up control of my reality (let go of control, whatever is attaching you to the idea of needing control, let go of it). I literally disconnected from reality while doing this. I could feel and hear it, but I knew that it wasn't nearly as real as me if that makes sense??

Then it asked me what I wanted. And I stg I was gonna say the void state but then I realized that that's what was holding me back. I wanted so much and I had no idea how to get it; trying to get it made it feel farther away so I kept trying and failing and trying and... Let's just say I've broken that cycle.

So anyways, instead of asking it for the void, I just asked what it wanted, and this wave of happiness shot through me, and I knew I did the right thing.

What happened after I let go (why I think everyone should try this!!)

My subconscious mind literally walked me through the process of letting go of my trauma you guys. Like it literally helped me get into the correct states and everything. I felt resistance to some of the stuff (literally my ego was trying to stop it, like the fear and everything yk?), but I let go of that too and let my subconscious do it's work and oh. my. god. I feel so much freer, so much more powerful, so much happier and I can't even describe it fully.

I definitely don't feel done with this process, I know I probably have a few more sessions of this to go before I'm fully healed from everything, but even in one go I feel SO MUCH BETTER (I cannot stress this enough). I know that I'm in control but I also know that when it comes to actually getting what I want, it's a higher part of me that's doing it. Like it's me in the driver's seat, but it's not this earthly me, it's beyond that.

Anyways I hope this makes sense but I swear you all HAVE to try this. Like just lay down and meditate and ask your subconscious to help you let go of your need for control, and let them guide you through everything. Don't ask for anything besides their help and let them give you what you REALLY want (to heal, to love, to be free, etc). It'll be 1000% worth it, I promise 😭💕

[desceros]

Hey, if this is too personal totally feel free to disregard this! But I've seen you mention having adhd more than once, and I know a super common symptom is executive dysfunction. The professionals I see aren't sure if I have adhd specifically, but they agree that I definitely have major executive dysfunction issues. Like... it feels like an actual, physical wall between me and the things I need to do, and even want to do. This wall feels... impossible to scale. I think that's just executive dysfunction in general, though, and isn't really unique to me. I just wanted to know if you have any tips that help you do the things you want to do or need to do even when it feels impossible? I've tried so many of the tips I see online, I've done quite a bit of research into the mental illnesses I do have and even the ones I likely have, and... I don't know. I still just feel stuck. Sorry if my thoughts are disorganized or hard to follow, I'm sorta really going through it right now. I'm fine, just... stressing myself out. Any tips you feel comfortable giving would be so, so appreciated. And thank you for taking the time to read this!

yes indeed, i am hashtag officially diagnosed with what i like to affectionately call my dumb bitch disease (not that anyone else is allowed to use that term for it.... well. maybe my very close friends. but yeah. gotta laugh at the awful things so you don't cry, right?)

so the thing with adhd (well. any kind of mental health issue) is that it's all a spectrum. every human person on this planet is somewhere on the euclidean axis of how many neurodivergencies they have. some people have no recognizable symptoms in any of the recognized areas we have. some people may have mild issues with things, and it's a bit fuzzy if they "have adhd or not." when you talk to a professional, there's a particular line of demarcation that happens when someone is looking to diagnose you with something.

do these symptoms interfere with your day to day life? are they severe enough to rise to the level of DISORDER?

it's completely possible for you to struggle with executive function and not have adhd. you may have something else, as executive function disorder is not exclusively in the domain of adhd, or it might just be that those particular neurons are cranky in your brain. what you're doing here—recognizing symptoms and looking for ways to address them—is really good, and basically what adhd therapy does, anyway.

all that being said, honk shoo honk shoo, let's get into a What The Fuck Are You Talking About for people who want more information on the subject, and some advice i have for you. i'll start generally, then talk a little bit about the writing thing specifically since it's a bit of a special beast for me.

what you are describing does indeed sound like issues with executive function to me.

first, for those new to the idea, executive function is the fancy term for the "executive" of your brain. the guy in a fancy suit who makes shit happen. when you walk by a dirty plate, you have the thought "oh i should put that in the dishwasher." executive function is the gap between the thought "oh i should x" and doing x.

a lot of the problems that neurodivergent people have, especially those with adhd, is that this function is impaired. some days, it's just fucking impossible to move that plate.

and it's not consistently, or predictably. some days, you will be perfectly able to do the thing. yesterday you put the plate in the dishwasher. today you put the plate in the dishwasher. tomorrow you will put the plate in the dishwasher. but tuesday comes, and you walk by the dirty plate, think "oh i should put that in the dishwasher," and then you stand there and stare at it without moving it. and you're like, c'mon. it's easy. you did it yesterday. all it takes is moving your hand. picking up the plate. walking into the kitchen. putting it inside the dishwasher. isn't that so easy? why can't you do it? why isn't your hand moving? are you lazy? are you stupid? this is infuriating! you literally just did this yesterday! you've done it a hundred times! what the fuck is wrong with you?! and then wednesday comes. now you have two dirty plates. now the task is twice as hard. maybe you can do it. maybe you can't. it's a harder task now. now you have three plates. now you're guilty because you have all these dirty plates, and it's a mountainous task now, and your roommate is giving you stink eyes for leaving dirty plates out, and you're a fucking adult who should be able to take care of some dirty plates, and you want to, you WANT to take care of the plates, but every time you THINK about them you flop into a cold sweat—

this is executive dysfunction. it's one of the more insidious side effects of adhd in my experience. that said, there are a lot of little tricks i've gotten from therapy specific to addressing this problem, so i'll give you a list here.

DO I HAVE TIME? this is best used for small, quick tasks like our plate example. you walk by the dirty plate and think "i should put this in the dishwasher." do you have time, right now, to do it? will it interfere with the thing you were doing? for example, if you're on the way out the door because your ride is honking, the answer is no. if you're on the way to get another glass of water while kicking back and watching some youtube, the answer is yes. if you have the time, do it now. now let's say you bring the plate into the kitchen and open the dishwasher. it's clean. you haven't emptied it yet. now the task has changed. but that's okay; do you have the time to empty the dishwasher right now? maybe you only get an hour a week to kick back and watch the youtube, and it's a special time that you need in order to recharge. the answer becomes no. well the plate is in the kitchen now instead of your room. victory.

COIN FLIP GAME. this one i actually got from the anti-planner by dani donovan, which i can Not recommend highly enough. there is a task you have to do, and you want to do it, but you're having a problem getting started. or maybe you have to do it but it feels icky, but you do really need to do it. the important thing for this trick is that it is not time sensitive; if you don't do it right now, it's okay. so you flip a coin. heads, you do it. tails, you get to wait until you have the thought that you need to do it again. if you get tails, then you are allowed, guilt-free, not to do the thing. if you get heads, sorry champ but you're doing the thing. gamifying it in this manner kind of... cheats your brain into approaching things differently, which can help you get around that brick wall.

TASK INITIATION. sometimes, it's not that the task itself is the problem; it's because you're having problem with what's called "task initiation." getting Started doing the thing is really fucking hard. if this is your issue, you can try and approach it a different way, usually by going "backwards" down the order of operations. so say for example, laundry. i have a lot of trouble with laundry. if i think to myself "i need to do my laundry," i have difficulty with the task initiation there. so what i do instead of "starting" at the shoving clothes into the washing machine part, i'll go into my room and make sure i've picked up all the dirty clothes and sorted them out. check my bathroom for towels and washcloths. sort them away. now i'm standing in front of my dirty laundry, and i'm "doing laundry," so it's easier to pick up one of the organizer bags and take it into the laundry room. i went backwards down the line and found a place in the task list where i could begin without the hassle, then i basically tricked myself into continuing past the point where i was having trouble.

BREAK UP THE TASK. this one is good if you feel like you're looking at a mountain and it's so overwhelming you just. don't do the thing. you'll hear it a lot: "just break it up into smaller tasks!" but. what the fuck does that actually mean? what does it look like? it's going to depend on You, but let's look at our plate example. so we just walked by the plate and we know we need to put it into the dishwasher. well. let me start by looking at the plate. can i do that? can i pick it up? let's say the answer is no. well, why? maybe i'm so stressed from work that this is just one too many things on my, haha, plate right now. okay. maybe don't worry about this right now, then. or maybe i'm having trouble because i know that the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, so it's not really as simple as "put the plate in the dishwasher." so, bring the plate into the kitchen. put it on the counter. maybe that's enough for now. or maybe i can open the dishwasher. look inside. it's full, and i don't really have the energy to unload it right now. ...or maybe i do, but i'm just looking at this huge thing that feels too big. maybe i can put away one plate. okay. that wasn't so bad. maybe i can put away all the plates. plates are easy. my trick is i take all the clean dishes OUT of the dishwasher and put them on my kitchen island without worrying about putting them away yet. then i load the dirty things into the dishwasher. well now i turn around and i have all the clean dishes pilled up nicely here. momentum really is everything. one task leads to two leads to five leads to done.

TASK BUNDLING. this is useful if you're trying to be more consistent about something and you already have something else you do consistently. for example, i have dogs. every night around six pm, i feed them supper. now, historically, i've had problems with remembering to eat/feeling like cooking when i wasn't hungry/being hungry but having trouble cooking. i don't need to tell you how unhealthy that is, hahaha. so what i did is i bundled my supper together with their supper. they will eat every night. they will Not forget to remind me that they want to eat. i make their supper every day. so i make their supper, feed it to them, and bam! i'm in the kitchen. preparing food already. so it's really easy for me to keep going and prepare My food. let's say you want to drink more water. every time you open tumblr, bundle together the task of checking to make sure you have a glass of water with you, and take a sip. let's say you want to take a vitamin. keep the bottle by your toothbrush. and get weird with it! don't let social norms hold you back. i have a toothbrush in my shower. i have medicine on the bookshelf next to where i play video games. these aren't the "usual" places for things, but they Work for ME. find the places that work for you, and bundle things together. you'll be a lot more likely to do them if they're tied to something else.

BODY DOUBLING. this one is HUGE. i've actually infected my neurotypical friends in discord with this one, it's so powerful, hehehe. basically, you externalize the executive function. there are a couple of ways to do this. if you want to do something, ask someone to be in the room with you. they don't have to be doing the same thing, or anything, really. but having another Person there (another BODY, if you will) will make it so you can do the thing. you can also do this over discord. for example, my friends and i will open up a voice chat, and we'll be doing things. i'll be writing, khaya will be drawing, yorsh will be writing or drawing, keisha will be writing or drawing... and because we're all there together, we're super productive! it smashes through that brick wall a bit. there is a whole genre of youtube videos i LOVE that target this thing. find "study with me" type videos where you have someone doing homework or something, maybe they have rain, or lofi music, or just the ambient noises of a coffee shop; whatever you find most helpful. i actually body double with a little fox timer i have on my desk. i turn him on for an hour, and since he's "working," it's really easy for me to be like "ok i gotta work too." silly? yes. does it work? yes!

BULLET JOURNAL/APPS. i don't mean the pinterest pretty things where you end up spending way too much time on making a pretty spread. i mean the actual basic bullet journal that the original creator developed because he has adhd and needed something to keep his shit straight. i did this for a while, and i found it somewhat useful? eventually i found more success with the app TickTick, which is so good for me keeping my tasks straight and accounted for, i pay for the premium bc fuck yeah. if you're the kind of person motivated by streaks (think, like, doing something because you don't want to break a streak. i am very much this person.) then i've gotten a lot of good mileage out of the Today app. i don't use it much anymore, but it's very good if that's a motivating thing for you.

WEAPONIZE ANNOYANCE. i do this one a lot. i have certain things that annoy me a lot. like, being wasteful with water really annoys me. so that means i don't like to wash laundry more than once. which means, if i put something in the washing machine, i WILL move it into the dryer. so if i can put my laundry into the washing machine and get it started, i have defeated the demon of moving it into the dryer by weaponizing my own irritation against myself. same thing with gritty bathroom floors. my cat's litterbox is in my bathroom. i Really hate stepping out of the shower and feeling litter under my feet. so i'm pretty meticulous about keeping the bathroom floor clean, even though sometimes i have a moment of executive dysfunction about vacuuming every day, because whenever i hit that brick wall i think. ok. well. we can look at this brick wall that's here. now think about the sensation of stepping out onto cat litter out of the shower. aofjalsfjadlskfjslakfjsalkfj. and that's enough for me to reach for the vacuum. so you can use your preferences against your weaknesses, especially if they're things that you're Very particular about.

RECONTEXTUALIZE. my therapist will sometimes stop me and say "you are should-ing all over yourself." and this is when i'm saying things like "i should x" or "i should y." i should be able to put away this plate in the dishwasher. i did it yesterday! i should be able to do it today! the moment you catch yourself thinking these things, stop. think about it differently. instead of "i should be able to put this plate away," think "i want to be able to put this plate away." now you can say. well. why do i want to put the plate away? because it's dirty, and dirty dishes will attract bugs. i don't want bugs. i want my room to be clean and smell nice. i want to enjoy being in here. now, instead of a chore that needs to be done, you can think about it as a positive thing you're doing. sometimes this is enough to get around that wall.

now. you've asked me about writing specifically, which is. kind of a special beast for me. you said it seems like i have a compulsion to do it—and it really does kind of feel that way. if i go too long without writing, i feel uncomfortable. antsy. like i'm not doing what i need to be doing in order to be Me. as such, it's usually not that difficult for me to convince myself to write. if i start seeing a brick wall about it, i can go "...but... think about the COOL SHIT that's about to happen in symphony!!" and i'll go "OH YEAH" and break right the fuck through that brick wall kool-aid style.

that said. i do experience executive dysfunction with my writing. there are days when i want to write, i have the scene in my head, i have the time, i'm in my special writing place, and i sit down and—and i can't do it. i can't write. i keep clicking into tumblr. i close tumblr on my computer then pick up my phone. i watch youtube videos. it's like no matter what i do, i can Not focus on writing. even though i am screaming and rattling at the cages because i want to!!! i want to write!!! i want to do nothing MORE than write!!!!

often, one of the tricks above will work for me since i've learned how to use them over the years, and i have practice tricking myself. i find particular success with the body doubling in particular for writing. but some days, it just. Doesn't Happen. and here is the ultimate truth that i will bestow upon you:

it's okay if you don't do the thing.

so you don't pick up that plate today, and tomorrow you have two. so you don't do your laundry, so you have to do it tomorrow. so you miss a meal. you go a day without writing. it's okay. as long as you're safe and healthy, it's okay. tomorrow is another day for you to try and do the thing.

stressing out about how much you want to do the thing is counterproductive. you're just going to make yourself ill doing that, and then you'll be less capable of doing things. just... chill. relax. breathe. do what you can. try the tips i gave, look for some more and see if those work, and if they don't... all right. it just isn't meant to happen today. no big deal. do something else today. maybe you don't pick up that plate... but you do fold that laundry that was giving you a brick wall a few days ago. maybe you don't write that fic today... but you do read that book you've been putting off, and now you have a new favorite author you want to pick apart and study. life is short, and precious. don't should on yourself.

[transparentlyfallingasleep]

7. How do you choose which POV to write from? (Especially for starbucks)

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

aw wow! People never ask me questions on here.

let’s see number 7. Honestly I tried to come up with a better answer than this but it’s just the vibe of the thing. The first story was really just a response to “Clint Barton shows up 15 minutes late with Starbucks” insert Troy with the pizza meme that was out in the ether post his absence in Winter Soldier. I decided to try making myself write from Natasha’s perspective after the Clint heaviness in marketplace etc but in the Starbucks sequel I just wanted to imagine/ write down the Robert Downey jr voice in my head reacting to spy kid 3D. And then they all joined in. Clint’s voice is my most comfortable place to be Natasha, Cap, Maria, Jarvis the least but I think that’s because being that fucking competent seems heptapod level alien.

25: I wish people read unfinished business more… it was my first story in the marvel space and my second fanfic ever. And I still kinda like imagining it’s running in the background of the avengers… and it could have too if not for that pesky Joss Whedon. I also I’m proud of my Game of thrones fic. It was an attempt to self sooth and I think it turned out rather well all things considered.

26. I’m not sure I do wild rides I’m definitely not much of a plot writer. I tend to focus on small intimate character moments. Probably because I suck even more at the other stuff, possibly because being a speech pathologist I’m better at getting voices of characters ‘right’ than I am at making things happen. But I am proud at how I salvaged age of ultron for the rewriting in Market Place and how much I was able to reuse, reduce, recycle might be surprising to readers.

39. So my clinic shut down suddenly in September. If you are Australian I will just say this about it. The NDIS and in particular the Government have been making it harder and harder to work as a paediatric disability clinician and hell bent on telling our clients that it’s because we are rorting the system. I didn’t want my clients to loose their therapeutic alliance and a speechie that has known them most of their lives so I started my own sole trading. It’s long hours, crazy stress and I don’t even know if I will be able to afford the audit come 2025 but for now my kiddos are safe and getting therapy. All the govt has managed to do is privatise the old block grant system and lie about choice and control and that’s all I have to say about that. As a result I’ve got no real WIPs but I have this… you can see that I write dialogue first.

If you’ve come to tell me I’ve besmirched my honour, that the castle is in an uproar… I care not. 

Your grace. 

Ser Davos I am no princess. 

The laws of the realm say

So Tyrion Lannister crowns my brother and frees the north for my sister and now I am smothered by titles? I knew I should have killed that-

Id never really thought about it like that Milady. Allow an old man a small courtesy? I accepted my title for services to Stannis Baratheon. Plenty of times I thought better of it but I did it for those who came after me. Lord Gendry well he doesn’t say, quiet sort that he is -

Surly 

As you say, but i think I’m right in saying he had similar thoughts. I don’t think either of us thought that there might be others on the other side of it. Born to the titles and the power and wanting none of it, wanting to be rid of it. 

He is a good lad lady Arya. Give him longer. He can’t stay this angry for long. 

I can’t stay ser Davos

Forgive me but I’ve lived longer on decking than I have on dry land or had till your brother made me hand. The tides they come again. Like circles they are. Why not tarry even if he’s determined to make himself unpleasant. 

He doesn’t have to put effort into that. He’s had it mastered for years. You are married Ser, children? 

Aye My Lady

[dangerous-disposition]

Gerry's WIP Wedneseekend!

This was hugely helpful for me last week in just getting Words Down for the strap!verse which has now become an actual fic rather than a series of smutty one-shots oops so now I'm gonna do this to focus on my fics for Lex's Summer Challenge!

DISCLAIMER: I am only calling it WIP Wedneseekend because it stresses me out to "limit" myself to one day and I think it's fun!! Please do not feel like you also have to do a whole thing too if you're tagged or see this.

The Rules

I post the two prompts I claimed as a poll

Y'all vote in the poll and send me asks requesting a snippet of the fic of your choice

For every vote a fic receives, I will commit to writing 100 words on that fic. For every ask I receive, I will commit to writing an additional 100 words. (So if one gets 10 votes, and 5 asks, that's 1500 words)

At the end of the weekend, I will have completed fics to prepare for posting by the end of the month!

I will post a snippet of what I wrote and tag everyone who requested a snippet!

The Snippet - "Can I braid your hair?"

“Can I braid your hair?” Eddie blinked over at Steve, eyebrows high on his sweaty forehead while he held his hair up off the back of his neck. He could swear he felt heat pouring out of his head. Summer had descended on Hawkins with a vengeance, as if in retaliation for the brief handful of weeks in the Spring when the portals to a frigid hell dimension opened up and attempted to take over their world. Granted, summers in Hawkins tended to be hotter than Satan’s taint, especially around Independence Day, but Eddie figured he was allowed to be noisy and bitchy about it if he wanted. He almost died—first at the hands of a town full of angry, scared hicks, then by a swarm of demobats—and this was his first summer officially free of Hawkins High, the other frigid hell dimension in that shitty town. If Eddie had to spend the summer in the sweaty armpit of America because of dumb bullshit like “recovery” and “physical therapy” and “being under observation,” he was going to bitch and moan and throw all the tantrums he wanted. It helped that all the stupid bullshit (like recovery, and physical therapy, and being under observation) meant that Eddie got to spend a lot of time with Steve outside of the apocalypse. They were both lucky enough to be Under Observation together, courtesy of both of them being the favoured chew toys for the demobats. From there, Steve just started staying close to Eddie, taking him to and from physical therapy, helping him with his exercises at home, coming over when Eddie was in too much pain to get up to use the bathroom, let alone get up and locate painkillers and take them. It had been a while since Steve had to help him on a particularly bad pain day, at least one that extreme, but Steve still came over almost daily. Usually, they would just hang out and eat junk food, smoke a bit of pot sometimes, usually watch whatever movie Steve brought over from work. Sometimes, Steve would suggest they go for a drive and they would just do that, make like they would leave completely. “We could get out of here, never look back.” Worded like a comment, spoken like an oath. “You wanna run away with me, Stevie?” Tone teasing but lined with a hollow desperation. The air in the Beemer would change the moment that question fell from Eddie’s lips, the way Steve’s arms flexed as he squeezed the steering wheel captivating. Most of the time, Eddie doesn’t hear an answer from Steve, other times he hears a quiet but teasing, “Of course, Eds.”

The (no pressure) Tags

These are mostly just so people can vote if they want ;p

@scarcrossdlvrs @patchworkgargoyle @stobinesque @inairbinad @legitcookie @thefreakandthehair @sidekick-hero @yournowheregirl @judasofsuburbia @wynnyfryd @steddieas-shegoes @pizzaqueen @starryeyedjanai @starrystevie @scoops-stevie @lets-try-to-be-normal-otakus @xenon-demon