#so here we are lol 🙃

[jtl07]

perchance to dream (no more)

Ava wakes up to warmth - and it’s terrifying. Without opening her eyes, she knows where she is. The cotton sheets against her skin, the pillow underneath her cheek, the smell of lavender and the morning breeze from the open window - she knows this. She knows this is a dream. or: Ava wakes up from a dream

(or read below)

Ava wakes up to warmth - and it’s terrifying. 

Without opening her eyes, she knows where she is. The cotton sheets against her skin, the pillow underneath her cheek, the smell of lavender and the morning breeze from the open window - she knows this. 

She knows this is a dream. 

Especially this: the gentle weight around her back, the rise and fall underneath her arm, the occasional turn of paper - a book, well-worn. In another life, if she were to open her eyes, Ava knows she���ll see glasses on Beatrice’s nose, her face relaxed in that early morning repose as she waits for Ava to wake up. 

But she doesn’t want to. Because she knows this is a dream. 

She’s had this dream many times since coming to the other side, too many times to count. She’d rather the nightmares at this point, rather a knife in her back, rather divinium in her veins and screams in her brain - anything other than this. Sometimes Ava wishes she could take the memories out, take a tarask claw and find the place in her mind, her heart, that holds everything labeled ‘Beatrice,’ wishes she could sever it from the rest of her completely. Just until she was back, until she was safe - until she was home.  

“Ava? Ava, what’s wrong?” 

Instinctively, she curls into herself, flinching away from the sound even as she wants more of it - always wanting more, always, when it comes to Beatrice. But she knows it’s easier to ignore it, that waking is easier to bear if she lets the dream fade, lets the darkness take over. ‘It’s just for now,’ Ava reminds herself, shivering, in the next echoing, a taunt in her brain. 

But who knows if Beatrice will still be there, in that unknown, uncertain next? Who knows if, who knows when, Ava will come back - if ever? She’s tempted fate and pissed off god; who was she to be given, to be gifted, yet another chance at life, much less love? 

“Ava, wake up. You’re having a nightmare.” 

Except it’s not. Ava knows what a nightmare is. It’s being trapped in a tomb, it’s the dead bodies of her friends - it’s a dark, silent void that never ends. But she’d take that over this, take endless torture over a bliss ripped from her bloody fingertips, again. She wishes for it now, the darkness, the cold. ‘Anything but this.’  

“Ava, open your eyes.” 

A breath against her cheek, a palm along her side, her back, her arm. Firm but gentle, not insistent; steady but persistent. A heartbeat. Warmth, and a whisper that is equal parts command and plea and need, “Ava, please.” 

She knows this voice. Knows these hands, knows the arms around her, the lips pressed to her forehead. How could this be anything but a dream? How could it be - 

“This is real, Ava. You’re here, with me.” Beatrice’s words are strong and sure. Ava can’t help but whimper, wanting and afraid. “We’re in our bed, in our home.” Fingers stroke through her hair. “You’re safe, Ava. You’re not alone.” 

She knows that. Remembers the promise Beatrice had made when she had been faced with a concrete that had seemed too dark, too deep. But Beatrice had been there, had caught her, had saved her - had found her. 

And slowly, Ava starts to remember. Coming back, being lost - again; being found.  

The memories tangle together with her time in the other side, where time had been a concept thrown upside down; time here is marked by Beatrice’s breathing, her fingers trailing up and down her spine; time here is patience, and patience here is love. 

“Ava, will you open your eyes for me? Please?” 

She doesn’t know if it’s a strength or weakness to want to grant her this, but Ava knows the answer, the only answer she can give. Because Beatrice has never asked for much, has never asked when she can give, she who has given Ava so much grace, the benefit of doubt, the benefit of faith; who gives Ava a love she never thought she’d have; who has only ever asked Ava for this: to believe.

And Ava has never understood faith until now, until here, standing on the precipice of fear and pain and the wanting to give in, to give up - to fall and to be caught.  

She opens her eyes. 

Beatrice. Concern lines her brow but it clears when their eyes meet, accompanied by a smile that’s equal parts reassurance and relief. Beatrice, here. Real. 

“It’s not a dream,” Ava murmurs, her tone hovering between a question and an answer, watches her own hand shake as she reaches up to touch Beatrice’s face. Beatrice waits, ever patient, ever faithful. She echoes Ava’s sigh as her palm settles against Beatrice’s cheek. “You’re real.”

Beatrice nods gently, turns and presses her lips into Ava’s palm and Ava lets the feeling chase away the cold. Ava doesn’t know, not with 100% certainty, what’s real or not anymore. She doesn’t know if she’ll one day wake up with all this gone. But while she has it, while she’s here, while they’re here together, she’ll do all she can to believe.

[alexturner2005]

yesterday my parents brought home a new dog without telling me first, knowing that i’m not ready for another dog yet after the death of my last one 🙃

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF ATTICAN TRAVERSE: KROGAN TEAM

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Urdnot Grunt With: Urdnot Wrex, Dr. Mordin Solus, Primarch Adrien Victus and The Rachni Queen I don't need luck- I have ammo. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

[what-is-it-to-be-pk-esque]

My partner finally finished BG3 but has no idea that his ending was actually bad cause he was a pro-Vlaakith githyanki who rode off with Lae'zel but got NO EPILOGUE where Withers points out y'all died im 😭😭😭

they have no idea what happened with Gale or anyone else (who was still alive) after flying away 🙃🙃🙃

[eternal-reverie]

got the posting anxiety bad tonight

[snapbackslide]

ramen dinner with the girls tonight 🤩❤️‍🔥

[vampyroteuthid]

breathing has never been my strong point but it's still really annoying to have it get worse

[thesilverlady]

Hii! What do you think of Aegon III and Viserys II? Sometimes I feel that they are not highly valued in team black, and I don't really understand why, it is very difficult to find content about them that doesn't end up revolving around their half-brothers and sisters 🥲 Do you think Jacaerys would have been a better king than them? I honestly have my doubts, since with the situation that Aegon and Viserys found themselves in, it was difficult to do better and also their right to the throne could not be discussed. I think that sometimes there is very little empathy with what they had to live through.

i have conflicted feelings about it tbh.

On the one hand, I completely get what you mean, Aegon iii & Viserys ii are currently invisible when people discuss tb family so the sense of them being undervalued lingers. It also doesn't help that they're both seen as 'threats' even when people discuss about AUs scenarios (like what if jacaerys had survived, or what if Luke or joff were the sole survivors of the Velaryon trio etc) Viserys is sent off somewhere to marry or dies and Aegon conveniently always joins the kingsguard 💀

And don't get me wrong, I personally don't think the tb kids would ever turn against one another because they grew up in a loving environment and we see the loyalty they have to one another in f&b. They wouldn't try to usurper each other - they're not the greens.

The fandom seem to think otherwise however and that's because there's the question; Had Jacaerys survived would he be accepted as a king? Would Daemon have preferred a truborn son (Aegon) carrying his blood to the throne rather than a firstborn daughter (Baela) who would be only queen consort? Would he be satisfied with Jace as a King and husband to Baela? Did he love the Velaryon boys enough to never plot against them?

It all depends how each person views these characters. I've seen people giving variety of answers.

To your question, I think Jacaerys does have the potential to be a good king. He managed to gain allies (though I firmly believe if grrm didn't have a vendetta against targ women rhaenyra could have done this as well), the negotiation skills are there, he inspired loyalty, I suppose the plan with dragonseeds brings up the argument whether he's a good strategic or not or if he's too dominated by his own emotion to think wisely. To be fair though, he was a young man and this was his first and only war. So we can't judge him too harshly given the circumstances.

Now, could he have been better king than Aegon iii and Viserys ii? Maybe? Maybe not? Both the Targaryen princes were shaped by their circumstances. Could Jacaerys have survived what Aegon iii /Viserys ii went through?

I don't think we know enough about Jace to answer these questions. We know he loved his brothers, he was fiercely loyal to his mother and was eager to win this war. He was also a young boy with no battle experience, too eager and that led him to make mistakes. So how would he have coped if he had been in Aegon's position? (witness of his mother's murder and surrounded by traitors)

Aegon and Viserys obviously had some of the best traits of their parents we see glimpses of them as they grew but do you ever wondering who they would have become had they not been traumatized? I always wonder, especially for Aegon who was so haunted and depressed. What would he have become had the war never happened or had his mother survived at least?

It's up to us to wonder and imagine.

To bring it back to the "targ princes being undervalued", while it's true and it's frustrating for now, we gotta remember than the series didn't really show them properly other than when they were introduced to a dying viserys and that was over too quickly.

it also doesn't help that everybody's ages in the show are fucked up. There's no proper list of ages in hotd; cast members have said one thing, showrunners have said another, it's like time doesn't really exist in the show. Ryan has mentioned the ages are between 17-21 for the "kids" and that it.

In the book by the time the dance was about to start:

Daemon was 48

Rhaenyra was 32

Jacaerys was 15

Lucerys was 13

Baela & Rhaena were 13

Joffrey was 12

Aegon III was 9 

and Viserys II was 7

oh and Aegon ii was 22, Helaena 20, Aemond 19 and Daeron 15

In the show Jace is 16, Luke is 14,Joff is 7, Aegon iii is 3 or 4 and Viserys ii is 2. Baela and Rhaena aren't twins and Aegon ii is 20 with Aemond being 17 and Helaena 18

^ Those ages are debated among watchers and there are still plot holes with the timeskip. Point is, changing the ages of the Velaryon Princes, the Targaryen Princes and the Greens alters the dynamic between the characters and fans create different ideas.

Like, I can't blame a show watcher for not thinking about Aegon III and Viserys ii when they were merely toddlers with 1 scene.

On the other, I do sympathize with your frustration 'cause some book fans seem to have forgotten them too. When/if they eventually join the story properly maybe the tune will change.

oh, and because I forgot, about viserys ii and Aegon iii getting little empathy with what they had to live through, I'd say this is more of tg issue. Because while yes, I do see tb arguing the Velaryon boys suffered "the most" they at least don't ignore the fact that Aegon and Viserys did go through something awful. Meanwhile with tg the story is completely rewritten; Aegon iii is always made out to be a jerk because of jaehaera - he's "cruel" and an "asshole" for not bending over for the girl whose father murdered his mother right in front of him. And there are always the jokes about Viserys ii being a "baby daddy at the age of 11!😜" Nevermind the implications of what this actually means for him.

I don't see team black ever making these type of crude jokes for Aegon & Viserys

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i keep having Thoughts about how in so many ways LL has so much potential to be a really hard-hitting, messy, no-punches-pulled exploration of what i call moral agency: not the agency to act on your beliefs, but the agency to have those beliefs at all. like, if you're being abused into internalizing a set of beliefs, or indoctrinated in such a way as to make you resistant to outside perspective, or having relevant information withheld from you even if you would be looking for it... you don't have nearly as much choice in the matter of what you believe as someone who isn't stuck in that position.

and like. the central antagonists alone are literally a massive, horrifically abusive cult that spans generations. and i really wish they had actually followed through on that, and done so with compassion for victims who might need to be held accountable, instead of treating them with hatred and dehumanization.

(and also, y'know. hadn't treated some characters who did bad things as if they had much, MUCH more agency, moral or otherwise, than they did at literally any point. COUGH FIVE COUGH COUGH COUGH)

there's just. so so so much interesting stuff to be dug into there, in a way that's deeply fundamental to the narrative where even a lot of stories about moral agency aren't, and i really wish i could scrape enough brain cells together to talk about it properly

[imwritesometimes]

5 days to go. must survive. so I can be killed to death (positive) in a movie theater by Indiana Jones once again.

[running-in-the-dark]

I have a really stupid question for anyone who has/has had pets - when you take them to the vet, do you have to see like.. any of the medical stuff that they do? if yes, how bad is it?

I can't believe I only just thought of this, it's kind of important 😬 (I kinda.. faint when I see injuries/wounds/whatever, or really stressful medical stuff... basically, if I see a person/animal/myself and think 'they're in a lot of pain' I faint (yes, the only times I fainted because of myself, I wasn't in any pain at the time, I just thought 'fuck this should hurt'))

[omniishambles]

Listen, okay...

If you judge people for simping over villains, don't follow this blog.

If you think muns (or people in fandom) who simp for villains are somehow sus, not to be trusted or morally abhorrent, don't follow this blog (and also, like, go outside??)

If you think you're somehow Morally Superior for only writing Good Guys and 'heroes' then (you guessed it) don't follow this blog!!!

[phagodyke]

one unfortunate thing abt watching bloody violent up-close-and-personal movies is that it makes me even more crazy touchstarved than usual after.. I need to wrestle someone NOW

[crowfeathers]

I just realized my comics prof was talking about an ingmar bergman movie earlier wtf. she totally gets me *almost never talks to her*