#so he's 19-20ish here

[oftomorrow]

FORGED from Bucky

(I was so eager to send you this meme that I accidentally unfollowed you in the process. 😅)

glimpses of the past (accepting)

a scene from my muse's past that they think made them stronger in the long run.

“You hold yourself back, my son.”

Clark huffs and rubs at his eyes, seeking a bit of relief. His glasses have long since been discarded, buried somewhere in the snow outside. “If I try any harder, my eyes will pop out of my head.”

“The concern is unwarranted. Your optic nerves are nearly indestructible.”

“That’s not… never mind.” Sometimes, Clark can’t tell if Jor-El taking everything very literally is an indication of what the real man was like, or if the hologram just isn’t interpreting things quite right. “I’m not holding back. It’s just not happening.”

Jor-El’s form ripples slightly – he does that occasionally when one program switches over to another. “Your ocular releases are triggered by a neurochemical reaction that occurs near the limbic system. It is likely that your abilities and your emotional responses have become intertwined.”

“I know.” Clark leans heavily against the icy fortress wall. “Strong emotions can trigger them. I’ve noticed that before.”

“Are you able to determine which emotional response corresponds with the ocular releases?”

“I still like ‘heat vision’ better than ‘ocular release.’”

“You are avoiding the question. Can you determine the emotion?”

Clark breathes out a long sigh, his thoughts drifting back to the first time his heat vision had ever activated. He’d been watching Kyle blatantly flirt with Lana, hearing her quietly laugh in response, before that horrible burning had started in the back of his eyes – and suddenly, the history room had been on fire. “Anger.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yes. There… have been multiple instances.” He’d been terrified to even open his eyes for a while. “Staying calm helps me keep control of it.”

“Emotional regulation is an adequate start, but it cannot remain your only strategy. You have only learned to repress the ability. That was a worthy goal given your past situation. But now you must learn to harness the ability on command.”

“You mean harness the anger.” Clark gaze sweeps over the holographic targets he’d been aiming at. None of them are so much as charred. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

Another ripple of the hologram. Unexpected input. “Please explain.”

Clark slowly eases himself down to the ground, leaning against the wall. “When I’m angry… I’m not in control of myself. And that’s when people are in danger. I have dented walls, ripped doors off their hinges. I nearly burned down the school. I did that. And it was… effortless.”

Jor-El takes a moment to process this. “You fear yourself.”

“I…” The statement feels too strong. Except… it’s not. His father is exactly right. “How can I not?” he finally replies, rubbing at his eyes again. “It’s a miracle that I haven’t hurt anyone.”

“Your abilities are tremendous,” Jor-El agrees, watching him sympathetically. “But they are neither good nor evil. They are simply tools for you to wield as you see fit. And you have chosen to wield them for the benefit of this world.”

Clark shakes his head. “Yes. But I don’t see how my anger benefits anyone.”

“Anger is not always negative. Anger motivates us to respond to injustice. To protect the innocent, to stand against what must be challenged. These are qualities you will need to become Earth’s champion. Your emotions, and your abilities, are as much a part of you as your flesh and bones. You cannot hide from them. You must embrace them – and use them, rather than allowing them to use you.”

Slowly, Clark looks up at him. “But what if I lose control?”

“There is always risk, Kal. But you are my son. You are the heir of the House of El. And I believe you possess the strength to do this.”

He lets that sink in for several long moments, before pushing himself back up to his feet. “...let me try again.”

Jor-El waves a hand, and the floating targets reset to their original position. Clark closes his eyes, centering himself, searching for a memory that might hold the right trigger. Not something as petty as some harmless flirting. Something deeper. He thinks of the many people he’s met during his travels the past two years. People whose livelihoods were ruined in an instant by those who wielded their power indiscriminately. People on the streets through no fault of their own, at the mercy of an utterly uncaring system. People attacked for something as inconsequential as the color of their skin, or who they loved, or how they expressed themselves. People defenseless in the face of disasters beyond their comprehension.

They all deserve someone to protect them.

The burning sensation begins. Clark opens his eyes, and five sharp blasts shoot out, each slamming directly into its target and shattering it into holographic splinters.

“Kal-El.”

He turns at the sound of his name, eyes still glowing dangerously red. Until he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. A moment later, the crimson fades from his vision. He’s never been able to dismiss it that quickly before.

Jor-El smiles. “Excellent. Again.”

[desidarling123]

linzin wip

enjoy a short snippet of some 19-20ish yr old linzin deciding to have sex for the first time lol. full fic coming eventually I hope.

“Is this the moment?” she says weakly. “Are you absolutely sure?”

“I almost lost you,” he whispers, and there's that desperate edge in his voice, again. “I've never been more sure.”

Her thoughts are all scrambled now, some complicated fever-rush of exhaustion and desire, but she tries desperately to hold it together.

“Your parents…?”

“Know I'm here waiting for you,” he confirms. “Won't notice I'm gone.”

“Are you ready?” she presses again. A deeply unsexy question, perhaps, but she knows him well enough to know she should ask.

“I…” and she swears he blushes, the idiot, “… may have read some scrolls on the subject.”

“Oh,” she says. “Did you, now?”

Teasing him is so easy. Lin steps closer, feeling bolder, lighter than before.

Tenzin, for his part, looks down at her in that incredibly specific way of his. That dark, intense gaze, saved for her and her alone, that leaves her heart stuttering in her chest.

The air that separates them -- the paltry space between their bodies -- feels electric. Like it’s just waiting to catch aflame.

So she lifts her chin oh-so-slightly in challenge. Meets his gaze with her own.

“Show me, then.”

In response, he -- well, he lifts her clear off the ground.

She yelps in surprise, but only for a moment, and then he's kissing her again, her back against the wall, legs firmly wrapped around him.

She comes back to herself and finds her bearings just long enough to wrap her fist in his robes and kiss him back, her movements hungry and frantic and desperate.

Tenzin groans at her ministrations, the rough sound sending heat right to her core, before he greedily parts her lips. He deepens the kiss, then, all while moving his hips against hers in a steady rhythm that leaves her moaning into his mouth.

[wheel-of-fish]

200th Stream Party! 🎉

Ayanga & more! Saturday, Dec. 16, 2023 • 9 p.m. EST

You are cordially invited to join me in celebrating my 200th stream!

The party!

I have about an hour of recent Ayanga highlights from PotO Shanghai that I'm excited for you guys to see (he is SO gremlin), and then we'll kick back and goof off with actor vlogs, behind-the scenes stuff, holiday cast videos, favorite fan edits, and more!

Feel free to bust out any fun beverages, refreshments, and/or attire you'd like! (I, personally, plan to have champagne and a tiny cake.)

General stream info!

As always, the stream will be on cy.tube and shy anons are welcome. For more info, please see the Saturday Streams FAQ! Link and password will be posted here at 8:45.

Fun stream stats!

Specifically for the ALW musical and Love Never Dies:

Years represented: 1988-2023 (with the exception of a few)

Countries represented: 19

Phantom actors watched: 66

Christine actors watched: 75

Raoul actors watched: 68

Highest attendance: 92 (Earl Carpenter, Eve Shanu-Wilson & Conor Carson, London 2023)

Most-streamed Phantoms (in descending order):

Jeremy Stolle

Saulo Vasconcelos

Laird Mackintosh & Ben Crawford (tie)

Ethan Freeman, Tomas Ambt Kofod, Hugh Panaro & David Shannon (tie)

Michael Crawford, Franc D'Ambrosio, Davis Gaines & Greg Mills (tie)

Most-streamed Christines:

Meghan Picerno (includes LND)

Kelly Mathieson & Irasema Terrazas (tie)

Emilie Kouatchou

Gina Beck, Sibylle Glosted, Julia Udine & Lisa Vroman (tie)

Rachel Barrell, Sierra Boggess, Samantha Hill & Jill Washington (tie)

Most-streamed Raouls:

Jeremy Hays

John Riddle

Jose Joel

Christian Lund

Simon Bailey, Kyle Barisich, Simon Bowman & Greg Mills (tie)

Number of other adaptations watched: 20ish?

Number of resulting gifs I've made: somewhere between 3-4k 🤡

[outsidersheadcanons]

Do you think Darry was at that stage of his life where he was like "God, get me out of here!"

He was close to Darrel. The man was his favorite person in the whole world. But Darry was 19-20ish he was fresh out of high school for a while and needed to save money for College. He was so close to moving out, he had the down payment for an apartment and everything. Darry wanted to be his own man away from his Dad's name and face. He wanted to have his own identity---at collage. Where people would call his name to talk to him, not mistake him for his Dad or talk about his Dad.

He loved his mother but he was getting annoyed with her pestering him about doing all the hard labor chores, like cleaning the gutters, chopping the wood, tilling the garden in the back. All the chores Darrel couldn't do cause he was working. He also didn't like that she poked her nose into his love life, "What happened to that girl you brought over last week?" Like every girl he laid eyes on he was going to marry or something. He loved his mom, but the coddling at his age was aggravating.

He loved his brothers, but they were getting on his last nerves too. Sodapop just learned how to drive and kept bugging him to borrow his car--"For the last time, no!" Darry found himself saying every time Sodapop was in his vision and opened his mouth. And Ponyboy? Well, the kid was stressed out because he had been bumped up a grade and always went to him for homework help and Darry didn't want to be bothered with that. He wasn't a parent. "Darry, how do I find the value of a fraction?" "Work it out, Pone. I showed you a million times last night."

Darry just wanted his freedom, not to be some slave or second parent around the house.

yes I do think so. Don’t get me wrong this guy loves his family, but he really wanted some space and independence ����

[hellonerf]

im just wondering, could you expand on how you see americas character? im really interested in how you characterize him and how much youve thought him through.. especially the deeper parts of his personality .

wow this is very sweet 😖❤️ i'm flattered whenever people say they like my characterization(usually i assume people think i'm crazy or something). um i don't really know where to begin here. if you're curious most of the most notable things in my mind i put in the "ame bible" tag on this blog. 😊 i have an old drawing from march that has like most of the "core" parts of my ame written down but i don't like the drawing anymore so i'll just list down what i wrote that time here ->

> going with canon that he's physically 19 maybe 20ish. i think a youthful boyish demeanor suits him -> adding on to this, a pretty important part of him to me is that he is immature. most of the time the maturity he can show is performative and comes from imitation. that plays into another thing i think about him where he imitates normal people's emotional/social interactions without really "getting it"(why i say he's emotionally inept)

> often susceptible to paranoia and (to some degree) a kind of neurosis -> my add-on for this is that i'd just wipe out the "to some degree" i only wrote that back then because i was shy about my hcs LOL. he's neurotic. he is

> he is difficult to deal with... annoying, frustratinng, exhausting (ambiguous mental disorder lol) -> still true. i still have "ambiguous mental disorder" floating around him whenever i think about him lol. mostly only because he'd never acknowledge it so it'd never be talked about

> thoughts are contradictory often--high anount of cognitive dissonance (doesn't dwell too long on these) -> again still true, kinda plays into the "emotionally inept" thing to me? because he doesn't like actual examination his thoughts get tied around in knots like this. and he doesn't look at them enough to untie it so it just keeps building up 🤷‍♂️

> need for attention often reaches heights he's unaware of -> i feel like i didn't word this that clearly. i meant it in that he is an attention seeker and he knows he is but he doesn't know just how far he'd actually go for it until he keeps pushing it. i think this kind of thing still needs a catalyst for him of course(like someone withholding that attention for example lol...)

> 100 step skincare routine akin to patrick bateman or cassie euphoria -> lol true

> fundamentally lonely, or he'd believe himself to be -> nowadays i'd scratch this to just be fundamentally lonely. maybe it's not entirely true but i think it's applicable by itself. it is kind of self inflicted like this though

> some kind of self pity but only the right amount that he doesn't ever better himself -> lol true

> (doesn't dwell on how he treats others partly due to this)(he seems to not dwell on anything emotional in his point of view) -> i'm kind of laughing at how vague my wording in these are because i was so shy about my headcanons 😊 chill out... anyways i think this is still true also that he is cruel to others and it feeds into how he thinks because otherwise he would have to confront how cruel he can be and that conflicts with his self image hard. in his eyes he's reliable and cool and powerful and he treats people badly but "only if they deserve it! only if they had it coming!". if he dwells too long this whole idea crumbles(throwing back to the cognitive dissonance thing). he's not at worst a trickster hero, he's just not a hero at all. but even if i think his hero gimmick is played up and he somewhat knows its not serious it's still a part of how he views himself. like he's thinking maybe he's a little arrogant a little narcissistic but he's not bad! in a way he IS the hero people just deny it! that kind of thinking

> fake but sometimes he doesn't view it that way, sometimes he does -> what i just said about my old vague wording lol... anyways. he's fake this is just the truth. he knows somewhat he's fake (actor moment) but it's not like. he doesn't see it the same way other people would? to him it's just social sleuthing. it's just here and there to get things done 🤷‍♂️ as far as anyone besides himself know, it's kind of his entire being. like he doesn't perceive how big his lies are lol

> in the end he likes to think of himself as better and more put together than he is, but he is not capable of not being "himself" one way or another -> ? why did i insist on wording these in the most confusing ways possible. but well yeah he thinks he's more in control, of himself specifically, than he actually is. on his self image too.

> more self aware than he wants to be, not as self aware as he thinks he is -> it'd be great to him if he was genuinely unaware of how he is at all. but he's also playing up how much he acknowledges about himself here

> a lot of him smells of artifice. but physically he smells like mostly a clean, chemical scent (like drycleaner) -> i still stand by this! i guess it depends on where he is though? if i had to choose another scent it'd be like a soda or something. or depending on the region or something. but most of the time i think he smells like this

> comparatively low pain tolerance but still bashes his head on walls and gets into fights -> i think he's a stupid baby who actually doesn't do that well with pain. i guess compared to other countries is what i mean? i mean i think it depends on the current state of the country too. instead of sharp pains he's dizzy or something... but he has elaborate forms of self harm anyways

> bad with tears of any kind from anyone (actually seriously insensitive) -> true! i think about ame crying now more often than i did back then, but it's still true. he doesn't cry a lot and he's actually good at not crying. it's not like he had to train himself to cry less it's just not a need most of the time. his negative emotional responses are sanded out usually. when someone else cries he is genuinely really out of his element. if he's not being deliberately cruel he's really awkward with it

> body often bounces between more chub or muscle depending on how obsessive he gets about it, basically never skinny but i still suck at bodies -> i would hope i've improved at drawing bodies at this point 😭 i lean into drawing more chub on him because drawing muscle seriously pisses me off. and he's cuter like that 😊. anyways this still applies! but i should say when he's being obsessive about how his body looks he doesn't accept "excess fat" (he doesn't have a good view on this). if he's trying to be muscular it's in the particular kind of impossible model way, not in the way of natural muscle gain. and i don't think he'd like being skinny. his ideal body is a specific one that he has to work to maintain(which makes everything worse when he's really fucked up about it)

> not normal about food but we all knew this already -> playing into the previous point. ame my princess. sorry(he's killing me with rocks) but it's still true! in the way i described before. it's always true we all knew this already. i think in terms of eating disorder it's more like ? a binge eating disorder? i don't really know specifically. things he feels he should have control over but he doesn't. mentally devastating

> sometimes genuinely apathetic, sometimes idgafness played up -> self explanatory i think sorry my fingers are starting to hurt

okayyy that's all pretty much 😊 well no not all. if you're really curious just read through my posts because ame insanity is in all of them and i'm serious. important things unmentioned : all of these every single one applies to my genderbend ame i think this is obvious but i need to say it they are functionally the same person in my mind. if i had to think what makes me think of ame like this it's probably cause before i reread or rewatched hetalia i watched the musicals first lol. but to be honest i think this is just how he is in my mind? like even without the musicals i'd just view him like this. partly because of my own view of the united states of america as an entity, as a foreigner. ame as a concept and such and such... i was so shy about these headcanons then because it was straight up how i viewed his mental state like i couldn't view it any other way if i tried. this is my default read of ame and i didn't want someone to be like you're fucking insane? thankfully people like it somehow. thank you for reading all of this if you did ❤️ bye my hands hurt

[differenteagletragedy]

Oh my god not a request but the dad x2 Cliff/Big Brother Cove nonnie here and oh my god all those HCS were so so cute(and also I definitely see the vision for Cliff wanting another kid too as well now) and this isn’t so much of a request but a concept™️ (So Obviously if my math is off here please ignore) but the best man sibling concept had me thinking, if we’re talking that the nugget is born when Cove is 19-20ish they would be a toddler around Cove and MCs wedding right? So I raise you, Cove’s baby sibling being their flower child. Also along the bestie Kyra vein, Kyra is an absolute godsend here because not only are you trying to wrangle a toddler and a wedding(a feat in and of itself), but you also have Cove and Cliff who are in big feels about the wedding too; so while she’s definitely there for Cove whenever need be, when Cliff needs to focus on being there for Cove with best man stuff she is absolutely there helping with whatever you need with you and the little one, whether just giving you a breather or helping cart around things you’ll need for them, Kyra absolutely has your back.

And don’t even get started on Cove, he’s in getting ready with his party and he’s canonically pretty nervous before the whole thing and every time he’s sitting down and a little pale (he’s getting married, he’s so happy he’s getting married but, in true cove fashion /oh my god/ he’s actually getting married.) his little sibling runs up and tries to give them their little basket or a handful of petals/confetti/tiny shells to cheer him up and they’re so determined about it he just can’t stop laughing. (And if Cliff gets to see this good luck, because they haven’t even hit the venue and here come waterworks. But those are his kids and they’re buddies! Thank you very much.)

And with some luck the wedding goes over without a hitch(other than Cove almost fainting, but it’s okay that’s part of his charm) but of my god the photos, while in my hc Cliff’s lockscreen is definitely some candid of his partner on the beach, there’s a picture of Cove and (canon!)Mc holding his little sibling together all in their lovely outfits and that’s literally going to be his homescreen until the end of forever, because once again those are all his kids and he’s so so happy and proud of them, Thank You Very Much. And for the next holiday/birthday/event please get Cliff a nice framed/printed version of the family picture the wedding photographer took with the two of you, Kyra, Cove, MC and the baby. Like no joke it might be one of his favorite things, he just? Sometimes looks at it and has to take a moment to let it sink in that, wow that really is his family, and that’s so amazing for him.

But anyway! Sorry for the long ask, but the idea bug bit and I thought it would be fitting for Cliff Appreciation hours, plus I just think this whole concept of the Holden(+Last&Preece obviously) family is the sweetest thing ever.

THANK YOU I LOVE IT ALL WHAT A GIFT

Yes yes yes Cove's little sibling being in the wedding, of course! And man, Kyra really is that great, isn't she? Kyra is so crazy about Cliff and his new partner, she's so happy he found love again and that he has someone to take care of him. There would never be any weirdness at all, it's just really nice.

Oh and Cliff's poor heart every time Cove and new kid interact! His lockscreen is a candid of MC on the beach stoppppp he's so in love!

Do more do more!

[zahri-melitor]

I want to ask you about a bunch, but you know what, let's start with the big one: Chuck Dixon

That IS a big one, given I just opened LOCG and it told me I've read 450 Dixon issues. And then while I was compiling this list I realised I was missing issues and it went up. But okay, let's see what I've got here:

I have 20ish runs to rank here. In terms of Robin and Birds of Prey I've just declared all the one-shots and minis to be a single run, but I've subdivided Batman. Why? Dixon was writing the former as a continuous storyline and the latter not.

20. Batman: Bane of the Demon 1998: I had to think hard about this one but I'm putting Bane of the Demon at the bottom of the list for a number of reasons, including: it's all about Bane; it's tragically actually necessary context to follow how the story gets from Knightfall to Legacy; it's something I really hate, a late fill to provide more context on an earlier storyline that wasn't properly explained at the time; Ra's randomly deciding to marry Talia off to Bane because Bane broke the Bat; nobody is having fun here.

19. Bane: Conquest 2017: shocking I know that I ranked a 12 issue series about Bane above the 4 issue series about Bane, but this is slightly better than the earlier one in terms of Bane of the Demon is actually important context to read and I despise that fact, while Conquest is just chest-puffed Bane nonsense nobody really is ever going to read. It can be as stupid as it likes as nothing will ever turn on this.

18. Catwoman 1993 #15-37: I don't particularly enjoy the version of Selina that Dixon writes. I haven't read all the issues of this run yet but of the ones I have read there certainly are a bunch of storylines that had Dixon Opinion on board and some very questionable plot points. (Why was blackmailing people with the help of ancient Nazi necessary, Dixon?)

17. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #142-145: This is the Bruce and Joker story where Bruce deliberately puts Joker in a Lazarus Pit to save his life and it temporarily cures Joker's madness. I am fascinated by its contribution to Lazarus Pit lore. I also don't particularly rate it as a story.

16. The Psyba-Rats 1995 and Young Justice 1998 #8 (the Psyba-Rats issue): Why do these exist. Most Bloodlines characters suck, I'm sorry, and the Psyba-Rats are no different.

15. The Huntress 1994: This is probably my least favourite Helena run, actually. It's just such an awkward bridge between the 1989 run and the way Helena's used in the Bat books after this.

14. Batman #560-562: Bruce Wayne Goes To Washington: I really want to like this run and I think it's an interesting concept in Road to No Man's Land. Unfortunately it also has Nicholas Scratch and he sucks. So much. Such a halfhearted handwave of an excuse for why No Man's Land is approved. (Also Dixon would hate the parallels I can draw between Scratch and Trump).

13. Batman and the Outsiders 2008 #1-10: I am not a huge fan of this run, in that I think it's a bit all over the place and Dixon doesn't have a great grasp on a bunch of the characters, but you know what it does have? Cass and Tatsu together, and some really sweet Rex moments, so I'm ranking it here.

12. Green Arrow & Green Lantern - I think I'd better break this down as 'I've read the Emerald Allies trade' which is Connor and Kyle hanging out together. They're fine. Dixon is a man supremely unaware of the implications of things he writes. I think he writes the two of them having a sweet friendship. Not his best work.

11. Man-Bat 1996: So this is Aaron Langstrom's origin story, and is darker and messier than people might expect from some other Aaron appearances. I have a massive soft spot for it as it gave us Aaron. Your mileage will probably vary.

10. Batman #467-469: It's the Edmund Dorrance reunion storyline! I am ranking this separately and higher because I am trash for that white idiot, King Snake, and every time he goes mwahaha I did not REALLY die I perk up and enjoy him being terrible and appropriative again.

9. Detective Comics #644-729: Look, I will fight anyone over this. Dixon's work on 'Tec runs through multiple important 1990s events from Knightfall to Road to No Man's Land. The events are great! The rest of the stories in between are fine. He's honestly stronger when he's writing other characters in terms of I think he has a bit more flexibility to worldbuild.

8. Batgirl 2000 #12, 20, 30-32: aka Chuck Dixon wants Cass to like Steph. It's very noticeable when you separate these out and look at them separately what Dixon was trying to do here (get a friend for his beloved Steph). They're cute. I have a soft spot for these stories.

7. Robin: Year One: Despite this being more integrated with Nightwing and the stories Dixon was telling, I just think this wasn't as good at Batgirl. Maybe because it's more episodic.

6. Batman/Wildcat 1997: I wish I could rank this higher but there's just more important stuff coming. This is just a straight adrenaline shot of the most 90s Bat comics ideas all stuffed into one storyline. I adore it.

5. Joker: Last Laugh: why are you so good. It shouldn't work, but it does. The amount of brainrot this event has given me over the years, both in terms of the events in it and the way characters interact.

4. Batgirl: Year One 2003: Barbara my beloved. I adore this revamp of her origins, including updating a bunch of older storylines and reworking the timeline to fit events together. It's a visual feast. Probably his best miniseries work of the lot.

3. Nightwing 1996 #1-70: Dixon builds modern Dick Grayson from the ground up, gives him a city, his own supporting cast, and sets him up to have supported ongoing solos for the last 28 years. It's incredible work.

2. Birds of Prey 1999 #1-46 plus one shots and Manhunt: I had to fight with myself over the order of these, but Babs and Dinah get number 2. I adore them. They're such fun secret agent stories. Dixon has no understanding of the implication's he's built in. He gave two extremely sidelined characters the pages for the future others wanted for them.

1. Robin 1993 #1-100, Robin I, II & III: we are doing the big one all together. We don't have the Tim that I love without Dixon. As Dixon builds Tim's story he builds the Bat Family. I can't get over how much it does.

[heyftinally]

Well, Adele did say once that her music doesn't target to kids. Because yes! She makes songs to grown women!

There is no issue making music that appeals to everyone, many artists do this. Like MJ does. ( or Beatles) The difference is that most of Taylor and Adeles music is autobiographical while alot of his music is story telling and has a good beat to dance to.

Taylor Swift seemed like she grown from 1989 to the Folklore Evermore and now with her newest realise she just is back to her same immature self.

These are some lyrics:

"Whether I'm gonna be your wife or smash your bike I haven't decided yet, but I'm gonna get you back. "

"Even if it's handcuffed I'm leaving here with you. "

"Told my friends I hate you but I love you just the same. "

" Once I fix me he's gonna miss me.

"Now I'm down bad crying at the gym. Everything comes out teenage petulance. Fuck it if I can't have him. I might just die, it would make no difference."

" How dare you think it's romantic leaving me safe and stranded? Cause fuck it, I was in love. "

" You swore that you loved me. But where were the clues? I died on the altar waiting on the proof."

"We've already done it in my head. If it's make believe. "

" I want to snarl and show you. Just how disturbed this had made me. You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum they raised me. "

" You shit talked me under the table talking rings and talking cradles. I wish I could unrecall how we almost had it all."

"Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it till you make it," and I did "Lights, camera, bitch, smile. Even when you wanna die" He said he'd love me all his life. "

" I'm so depressed I act like it's my birthday everyday. I'm so obsessed with him but he avoids me like a plaque."

"Who the fuck was that guy is that guy? You tried to buy some pills. From a friend of friends of mine. They just ghosted you. Now you know what it feels like. And I don't even want you back."

" You look like Taylor Swift in this light were loving it."

" I feel so highschool. Everytime I looked at you. I want to find you in s crowd."

"Screamed fucK you all Me to the sky. "

" I wrote a thousand songs you find uncool. I build a legacy that you can't undo."

" Everyone knows my mother is a saintly woman. But she used to say she wished you were dead."

Holy this was actually worse than I thought. She really acts some entitled bratty highschool teenager.

Honestly, I haven't noticed any growth as someone who only hears her in passing since Sparks Fly/whatever it was that came after that - Red, maybe? Idc Honestly, but that one.

Up until that point her music sounded like it aged 16-19/20ish, and after that it stagnated. Then somewhere in the last years it's starting reversing itself, until we're back where we started in high school. Her music was never mature, but it grew minimally, then Benjamin Button'd and went backwards.

Meanwhile plenty of artists - Adele, Kesha, and Pink come to mind - have never been "for kids", yet have had great songs that have been enjoyed across ages, and have all gone through significant changes over the course of their careers. The same can't be said for Taylor, and it's interesting that Swifties will literally deny reality just to defend her from the truth.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

i have thoughts on the whole armand/daniel/marius thing and how it could happen in the show (if the show decides to go there, but i kinda hope they don't) anyways, it is very long and rambling so here you go:

like we never saw the whole armand/daniel/marius thing play out. now i don't think it's exactly a love triangle. armand and daniel break up some time after daniel becomes a vampire. because this was shit happening in the background, we don't have exact dates.

so sometime after they break up: armand tries to kill himself by walking into the sun bc he is a ball of religious issues (and i cannot wait to see what the show does with this) and also daniel goes mad.

popular theory is he goes mad bc armand's death, which is very romantic and all, but i think daniel showed some clear signs of madness before he even became a vampire. my boy was long-due for a fucking break down, is what I'm saying.

daniel is crazy and marius takes him in. idk if we ever hear him state the exact reason why, but i think daniel being armand's fledgling would have been reason enough.

so daniel is with marius while he's crazy and at some point he gets better. i think their relationship turns romantic somewhere in here, but no sure when. hopefully after he got better. bc otherwise ew.

then at some point he has to fucking realize armand is alive.

we don't get any sauce, but like a sentence telling us that daniel and armand go hunting together. then another sentence later where marius tells lestat daniel left him for armand.

(and that's my personal head-canon why daniel isn't in the painting thingy, bc marius is just being salty he got dumped)

now this space between Daniel getting better and finding out Armand is alive and being romantically involved with Marius and then leaving Marius for Armand is riff for drama and some soap opera shit. those cycles will be cycling.

though, this is just for me personally, I hope they drop the underage part for Armand when it comes to Armand/Marius.

Marius literally buys him from a brothel. You know how in porn today, barely-legal is like, a whole thing. Having young like 18, 19, 20, yr olds and making them look underage is something a lot of people on the internet like. So I imagine yee old brothels did it too so we can have an older Armand, (say 20ish just to match Daniel meeting him and Louis) who is forced to play the innocent child, the cherub, for as long as he can. And there you go, we can have his strange relationship with adulthood.

And then Marius saves him. By buying him as a slave. And like, Marius was Roman y'all, it kinda shone through with the slavery thing I'm not going to get into the Armand/Marius debate tonight. i don't like it, maybe you do. it's anne rice, ymmv is a given. the point is it happened, and we can draw a lot of parallels between the two relationships. the whole master/slave dynamic, the devil/minion. the whole conversation armand has with marius about making marius his slave, then realizing he isn't his slave at all, then marius telling him he is. daniel is the devil's minion, but armand will grant him anything he desires. it's about the power dynamic, it's about who has control.

And you know, I think old maniel could have fun with that. like hey, i fucked you and your vampire dad. or armand and him having clandestine meetings, where they're both trying to keep marius from finding out (except you know, marius is like a billion years old so his mind gift is super strong, so he can totally hear daniel's side) and there's some dramatic 'come back to me' scene and armand and daniel kiss in the rain (bc this is my fantasy and i say so)

(and then idk, marius falls back in love with pandora, or maybe mael, bc that'd be funny)

while all this is happening louis is out there living the good life, single and sucking and fucking. he's having his ho phase

[deranged-thing-exe]

Intro Post!!

Heyyo, I'm Lemon:)), host of the Expanse system, and this is our horrendously horny side blog.

The body is 18, nonbinary genderfluid (afab), and (most likely) neptunic.

(our main blog is @lemon-emon, so don't be alarmed if you get a follow from there)

Here are some short intros of the people most likely to use this blog:

Lemon (-🍋): they/them ey/em, 18, nonbinary genderfluid, neptunic (?), Human

Eave (-😈): she/her/it, 18, bisexual, huge sadist, demon/hellhound

Dusk (-🍒): they/it/she/he, 20ish, lesbian, some kind of futanari demon furry thing idk

Chii (-🍰): she/it/Chii/they, adult/no age, robot/dollgirl gender, lesbian, persocom (robot)

Kira (-🍑): she/they/it/doll, 18, demigirl, bisexual, doll girl plaything

Bean (-👑): she/her, 19, lesbian probably, human

Ari (-🥩): any pronouns, 20 somethin, genderfluid, aro/ace but in a pansexual way (loves to fuck tho), bannik

General kinks/things many/all of us are into:

Softer: furry, petplay, robots, monsters, futanari/girlcock, humiliation/degradation, omo, oviposition

Harder: blood, knives, teeth/biting, cnc, primal play, cannibalism

(this post will be updated periodically)

[masschase]

i always like to know the in-canon things that people like to ignore so for the ask meme:

4. a headcanon to spite canon, specifically

10. I recognize that canon has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it (+ what should have happened)

- snail-eggs :)

I checked with the asker and these are for Casey or any :) So one concerns both Casey and Matt and the other is more the whole hc universe.

Character ask meme (still working on one more I've got and still accepting)

4. a headcanon to spite canon, specifically.

Broke Matt and Asha up? 😉🤭

In seriousness though, you guys may know I hc ALL SRIV romances, right? So...

(Dw, they discussed this when they managed to stop making out for 5 seconds)

Nope, Cass didn't take Matt's virginity, lol.

Obviously I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being a 22-year old virgin (Matt otoh doesn't seem too pleased with her assumption 😅) but like... I wanted Matt to have had sexual/romantic encounters with people other that the 4 Saints he has *ahem* interactions with.

Specifically he had: his gf back in Steelport, a few one night stands, a bf when he was 19/20ish and another gf when he was 21. He and the latter did break up a while before the end of the world. It seemed unfair to blow her up after we already blew up his first gf's house 🤭

10. I recognize canon has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it (+ what should have happened)

THE TIMELINE. Dear god the timeline.

(I guess Casey can break the 4th wall in the silly cartoons now. Tbf... that seems very her.)

Here's my version:

These timelines were pretty time consuming considering I'm probably the only one who will gain enjoyment from them, but nvm 😂

[reverendsoup]

i graduated from an alternative high school for kids with varying degrees of academic/behavioral/life struggles. the primary objective of this school was to get us out with a high school diploma, preferably by age 20ish, By Any Means Necessary. this primarily involved having students do a series of online classes that were so streamlined and simplified in comparison to standard high school classes that i am left wondering how they got away with it. like, it's good. i would not have graduated otherwise. but i am left with many questions.

anyway, every year the school would get a few transfers who would be 18 or 19 years old with 20 credits or fewer, and those kids would graduate the following spring, having, through some combination of hard work and miracles, D-minused their way into the remaining 20 credits. and honestly? i would have paid MONEY to hear one of those kids give a speech as opposed to the what-is-he-even-doing-here valedictorian.

[every-heart-a-story]

About me:

I am an alter in a system of six. Our system is a mix of genders, sexualities, and ages (see list under the cut). We were professionally identified as OSDD about ten years ago in therapy, but have requested it remain an unofficial diagnosis for family reasons; do with that information what you will. How our multiplicity occurred is not actually anyone's business, but suffice to say we have been through plenty of trauma in our life/lives. I don't feel the need to justify who and what we are any further than this, nor am I interested in engaging with any discourse about this. We know who we are and how we experience the world, and that is enough. Believe us or don't. That is all I will say about this topic. I don't feel it's our place to comment on others' experiences either.

As for our system internally: We are mostly cooperative with each other, but lately our lives have kinda fallen apart because of differences we really can't fully reconcile. Namely, prior to this year, we were (mostly) happily married to another system, and each part was intertwined with a part or multiple parts of the other's system. Unfortunately the "mostly" is that I was not happy and was not getting what I needed; it had been actual years since I really felt seen.

And then I met an amazing woman who is also a system, and we talked about our multiplicity and our mutual feelings for each other, and it ultimately led to me leaving the rest of the system's spouse for her. We are now in a really convoluted not-monogamous, not-poly, but secret third option setup that has been fraught from the start. I have... nowhere and no one to talk to about this; not really. I can't casually mention my girlfriend. I can't talk about being a lesbian. I can't use my name anywhere. I have strict limits on when and where I can even be with her.

It's been so hard on so many levels, and unless/until either myself or the rest of my system can agree on a person, I am going to be stuck in this purgatory of silence and hiding indefinitely.

So I've come here: the anonymity of the internet, to talk about my life. To be open about the woman I love. To be free.

For that reason, I simply ask that you either be kind or be gone. My soul is heavy enough as it is.

System members:

(I have given everyone here an a nickname for privacy)

Falcon - 30s, ze/zir, non-binary queer. Primary fronter and married to our system's spouse (Kestrel).

Redtail - 30s, he/him, bi trans man. Doesn't front a ton, but when he does, he's the most studious and also the most binary male (and dysphoric) of all of us. Was partnered (ish??) to both adult members of Spouse's system, but isn't romantically partnered at the moment (despite there being interest from a member of GF's system, Griffin, and both adult members of Spouse's system - Coyote would like to hook up/date, and Kestrel would like to be partnered to him. Redtail in theory would be open to any/all of this, but in practice is mostly ace/aro and is unwilling to add to the current relationship chaos.)

Jackalope - 19-20ish, he/him, likes to describe his gender as "faggot" and his sexuality as queer. Rarer to front, but always quick with witty/snarky comments, which often are usually innuendos. Has a habit of hooking up with a member of Spouse's system (Coyote); they are effectively dating.

Sphinx - ??? Adult, idk. She/her, sexuality is irrelevant but queer is closest; best way to describe her gender is somewhere between femme-domme and sphinx. Only sort of human. Is partnered to the other adult in Spouse's system (Coyote).

Phoenix - 11ish, ze/zir, non-binary queer (we assume). Ze is like a little droplet of happiness, a tiny bit of bright, pure blue sky. Obsessed with horse figurines, bugs, cool animals, and color palette creation. Kestrel is a parent figure to zir.

And finally me; you can call me Moth - 30s, she/her, cis?? woman, femme lesbian. I'm the closest we have to an original, and I hold a lot of our system's trauma. I..... also seem to often want different things to everyone else, which makes decision-making super fun and helpful for everyone! /s I am not with our system's spouse anymore, but rather partnered to GF.

Spouse's system:

Primary fronter we will call Kestrel (queer non-binary transmasc); the other adult we will call Coyote (queer/bi trans man). There are two young alters that are less likely to be discussed, but we will call them Tadpole (5) and Specter (8??). All use he/him. Falcon has a parental relationship with Tadpole (ze is Daddy), and Sphinx takes care of Specter whenever she can (she is a Mommy figure.) Additionally, Coyote has recently gotten into a relationship (seems like a mostly FWB setup, but I don't know how exactly they're labeling it) with a singlet outside our system.

GF's system:

Primary fronter is GF; we'll call her Bee (femme lesbian trans woman). There are two other adults: Griffin (they/them, queer non-binary transfem), and Raven (she/her, bi trans woman) who is a little younger than the other two. There is one protector who is not human, Storm (they/them, not for gender reasons but because they are Legion), and then a young alter, Kitty (8, she/her, girl).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are lots of other factors that impact this whole situation: we all have various disabilities, trauma, and mental health stuff going on. My system and GF's system are Jewish and Spouse's system is converting. My system and Spouse's system are very kinky and there are a number of dynamics happening; Bee and I are very casually exploring playing with some of those elements.

[f1rstwatch]

SORRY IF I CONFUSE YOU WITH MY TAGS ON YOUR POST!

This is a "tagging my OCs" blog run by @sunstartle! I just like sorting, mostly. Sorry.

So, who are these characters?

Glad someone would definitely willingly ask that! The characters focused on here are from the FirstVerse: my superhero worldbuilding project that I’ve been working on for ~3-4 years.

I plan on doing something with it but that goal is a very moving target and I change my mind on it all the time. I'm mostly set on the fact that it will be something 3D, though.

The First Watch takes place on a fictionalized Earth in 2022 & revolves around the titular First Watch, a team of teenage superheroes who defend their city, Wynsbury, from evil, and especially from the supervillain organization the SeaSong Network.

It is largely unfinished, but if you are someone interested in specific worldbuilding details (I am very flattered!) my work-in-progress worldbuilding document can be found here. You can also find sketches, fun stuff, etc here!

MAIN CAST:

Annulet (16, she/her), professional anxious perfectionist & team leader of the First Watch. Her tag is #c.annulet.

180 (16, she/her), ball of energy with questionable decision-making skills & member of the First Watch. Her tag is #c.180.

Kudzu (17, she/her), cuttingly practical lone wolf & member of the First Watch. Her tag is #c.kudzu.

Sunstrike (15, he/him), slightly off-putting sweetheart & the youngest member of the First Watch. His tag is #c.sunstrike.

… & Nox (???, mirrored pronouns in universe & they/them in narrated text), their mandatory Little Creature Guy! Their tag is #c.nox.

MAJOR SIDE CHARACTERS:

Rowan (16, he/him), Kudzu’s adoptive brother & source of her powers. His tag is #c.rowan.

Fern (20, she/her), Rowen’s eldest sister & the unofficial second in command of the Woodfolke. Her tag is #c.fern.

Lull (16, they/them), chronic insomniac & chronic pessimist working part-time as a superhero for the Polis Guard. Their tag is #c.lull.

Dashtag (18, they/them in uniform only), overprotective adrenaline junkie & part-time superhero with the Polis Guard. Their tag is #c.dashtag.

Flashfire (18, they/them in uniform only), mysterious & often-gloomy part-time superhero for the Polis Guard. Their tag is #c.flashfire.

Siren (38, she/her), The Big Bad; the CEO of the SeaSong Network. Her tag is #c.siren.

Divinity (19, he/him), charming egomaniac demigod & semi-supervillain ‘unwillingly’ working for the SeaSong Network. His tag is #c.divinity.

Sly Fox (16, he/they), cat (fox?) burglar supervillain working for the SeaSong Network. His tag is #c.slyfox.

Lady Laia (~200ish at time of death, she/her, deceased), Holy One of Sonnets who died to win the Second Revolution on Fyolynd. Her tag is #c.laia.

Lord Azbithe (~20ish at time of death, he/him, deceased), Fyrefolke who died to win the Second Revolution on Fyolynd. His tag is #c.azbithe.

Noctim, the Kingslayer (~3000, they/them), Holy One of the Night. Killed their own brother. Their tag is #c.noctim.

OTHER CHARACTERS:

Polis Guard: Kinetika (x), Vivo (x), Scarlet Signal (x), Rover (x), Jamboree (x).

SeaSong Network: Micheal Smith (x), Quinten Bel (x), Mecha (x), Switcheroo (x), Vice (x), Versa (x), Myotis (x).

Misc: Ophelia (x), Thyme (x), Kindness (x), Sentry (x), Mahogany (x), Motiantoze (x), Nikian (x), Lyrian (x), Aularka (x), Hoka (x).

There are others! So many others that I do not have the energy to write out as such. If/when they get tags, they will be tagged as c-dot-their name, like the others!

RELATIONSHIP TAGS:

If a post concerns the relationship between two characters, I will be tagging it with a specific relationship tag to help filtering. Relationship tags will not be added if the post applies to both/all of the tagged characters separately, only if it specifically concerns their intrapersonal connection(s).

The vast majority of the relationship tags are PLATONIC!

Annulet & 180: #r.flipmoth . Annulet & Kudzu: #r.anzu . Annulet & Sunstrike: #r.dawn

180 & Kudzu: #r.flipivy . 180 & Sunstrike: #r.eightsun

Kudzu & Sunstrike: #r.solzu

Entire Team: #r.fw

Annulet & Micheal: #r.mothsibs . Annulet & Noctim: #r.nightmoth . Annulet & Sly Fox: #r.foxmoth . Annulet & Myotis: #r.batnmoth

180 & Lull: #r.technicolor

Kudzu & Rowan: #r.kudrow . Kudzu & Fern: #r.sprout . Kudzu & Rowan & Fern: #r.ivyleague

Sunstrike & Rowan: #r.woodsmoke . Sunstrike & Dashtag: #r.dashstrike . Sunstrike & Flashfire: #r.eclipse . Sunstrike & Dashtag & Flashfire: #r.takethree . Sunstrike & Divinity: #r.waxwings . Sunstrike & Sly Fox: #r.slysun

Rowan & Fern: #r.fernrow . Fern & Dashtag: #r.dashfern

Dashtag & Flashfire: #r.dashflash . Dashtag & Divinity: #r.angelchase

Flashfire & Divinity: #r.tropic . Siren & Divinity: #r.angelangel

Lady Laia & Lord Azbithe: #r.lazbithe

I will add any additional relationship tags as they come up / if needed!

FACTION TAGS:

If a post involves one or more members of an organization, the organization will receive an H-tag.

#h.firstwatch | #h.polisguard | #h.seasong

If a post directly concerns the organization itself, the organization will receive an O-tag.

#o.firstwatch | #o.polisguard | #o.seasong

OTHER TAGS:

#a.bestfit is for posts that I consider (subjectively) to be the "best fits". Not necessarily 'faves' but posts I find to be the most consistent with the tagged character(s).

POST SORTING:

Sorting tags are S-tags! They define the type of post and also how I am interpreting it.

#s.mine: Posts I have made / written myself; non-reblogs. Planned to be largely uncommon.

#s.myart: Again, not planning on posting much/any of this, but if I do, art I have drawn myself will go here.

#s.ask: If anyone sends asks here (which you are more than welcome to do!), they will be posted under this tag.

#s.info: Any informational posts written by me -- such as this one!

#s.ooc: Posts about writing, character creation, etc that I feel apply to the tagged character(s).

#s.fits: Posts that could apply to or be talking about the tagged character(s) and do not refer to anyone involved as fictional.

#s.ic: Posts I can imagine actually being written or said by the tagged character(s).

#s.aesthetic: Moodboards or general images fitting the aesthetic vibes of the tagged character(s).

#s.energy: Typically images of the unhinged variety that carry the energy or vibes of the tagged character(s).

And I think... that might be all! Thanks so much to anyone who actually read this and I'm sorry if this blog still manages to be a disorganized nightmare even with this system... lol.

[missingexaltation]

Here's a bit of a meta analysis on Eddie and Steve and the general jock/nerd thing. It's worth pointing out that they're still only 19/20ish so they're slightly entitled to be somewhat selfish idiots, but they're at that time of life where they're starting to grow out of it.

There's so many positive reblogs on my last but one text post (where Eddie gets involved with Steve's hobbies) and I find it so interesting that it's not really explored in fic.

I mean...Steve's trying to 'grow as a person' by embracing nerdy things and that's great! Stereotypical high school 'bully' becoming less of a douche bag.

But Eddie embracing the stereotype and doing 'normal' high school stuff? Sign me up! He's a guy that was probably bullied or harassed by the jocks for at least some part of school before he grew hard skin. He's actively (and loudly) denounced them to their faces and protected younger nerdy/outcast kids.

Of course he's going to think sports are shit. That's what those dumb, bullying morons enjoy more than anything, so it's gotta be bad, right? (Hell, you can even take it further and say that his own dad used to beat the shit out of him as a kid if he made a noise when The Game was on.)

So he's prejudiced against the jocks (for a reason, but that's not the point), all while shouting at the top of his lungs about conformity and the bullshit about being a sheep. Yet all he's doing is conforming to a different stereotype, and not really realising it.

It's not until he meets up and speaks with Chrissy that he realises he's judging her without knowing her, and quickly rectifies it by being nicer. Then she dies and he couldn't save her. She was popular and sporty...but she was sweet and nice, and didn't deserve what happened to her.

Then Steve happens. Former Poster Boy for Jocks, and yet he's not a piece of shit either. But Steve's different, he tells himself. Steve's actually a nerd in wolf's clothing. He comes to D&D even if he doesn't play. He watches Star Wars and hangs out with 'unpopular' kids. He's 'better' now. He's learned his lesson.

It doesn't occur to him that Steve's trying to change himself to fit in, and still enjoys all of his own hobbies. He just does it either in secret, or ashamed when 'caught'. So Eddie doesn't see anything wrong. He's been proven right...THE Jock is in their nerdy little group so he's completely validated.

So maybe one night they're all at the Munson's, playing D&D. Except Steve's nowhere to be seen. During a breakin the campaign, he's found in the other room with Wayne and Hopper, watching the football. And Eddie makes some comment or another about Steve backsliding into sports.

And before Steve can say anything, Wayne tells him to stop bullying Harrington into his interests, and let the poor kid enjoy the football if that's what he wants to do.

And Eddie's mortified.

He finishes the campaign for the night on autopilot, the Game ends, and everyone else goes home, oblivious to what those earlier ten seconds has done to Eddie's psyche. Wayne's sitting there with his last beer of the night, and Eddie joins him, quiet and contemplative.

'I'm not a bully.' He says. 'I'm not like my dad.'

And Wayne just looks at him, smile on his face.

'I know.' He says. 'But you can't force everyone to like only your things, son. Just because you don't like football or basketball doesn't mean your friends have to feel the same.'

And Eddie thinks about it. He thinks about it for days. Steve never really complains. Sure he makes comments now and again, but Eddie's taken that as 'Steve's jock side coming out' instead of 'Steve just being frustrated, bored and lonely'. And Eddie can't ignore the feeling that he's actually the one being a total dick right now.

Steve's learnt his lesson. Eddie hasn't.

Steve 'the former douchebag' Harrington is a great guy, and Eddie is unconsciously taking advantage of it to validate himself. He feels like shit.

So he goes to Steve and apologises. But Steve's confused. He still thinks he needs to make reparations for his high school years, like he's conforming in their group as a penance. And Eddie hates himself a little more, because what the fuck. That's what Steve thinks of himself? And Eddie's partially responsible for enabling that, for letting the kids make him feel like that.

So he apologises again, and tell Steve that he's not gong to let it slide anymore. That if he ever wants to go and do something he enjoys, Eddie's down for it. That Steve doesn't need to be at D&D if he wants to watch the sports instead.

He also stops mocking Steve's taste in music, stops trying to force his own music on everyone else, and steps in whenever any of the kids try to do the same. And pretty damn quickly, Steve starts flourishing.

He and Eddie take the kids to the basketball courts, and Steve tries to teach them how to play, before giving up and going 1v1 with Lucas while the others just bounce the spare ball between them and make up their own game. It's fun, and completely outside Eddie's comfort zone, but it's fun.

Steve gets the confidence to start negotiating Eddie's campaign nights when there's an important game on the TV. Half the kids want to watch it with Wayne, Hopper (and weirdly enough, Mrs Henderson). Eddie usually joins them but either reads his book, sits at the table painting his minis, or falls asleep on Steve's lap. Sports just don't interest him, but that's ok too.

It's compromise.

[potentialheartofdarkness]

Steddie prompt:

Eddie's always a bit lonely because Steve spends so much time with Robin and the kids, but he doesn't want to say anything to Steve because he's worried about being broken up with, so he asks his band mates for advice instead.

Gareth 'just happens' to need to go to family video the next day and drops a seriously 'big hint' to Steve, who promptly arranges a special date night.

(No major angst, just two silly 19-20ish year olds being silly)

Eddie had been acting distant, a little quieter than usual and Steve couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It felt familiar to Steve, reminded him of the time before Nancy broke his heart, he half wondered if Eddie was heading down the same road. In turn, he sought out comfort from those he knew best, dreading the inevitable. He spent more time with Robin, more time driving the kids around without protest, more time with Dustin. The whole time trying to keep his mind occupied and away from the doubts that Eddie was leaving him. 

“I’m just saying, Steve, you might have the whole situation wrong.” Robin flitted about, putting away some video tapes in the empty store. Nobody had come in for over an hour and Robin finally managed to drag out what had Steve in distress. He knew he could tell her anything but sometimes he held it too close to his heart and felt like he was giving away too much. Like if he told her enough that one day she would turn her back on him, never look back and leave him folding like a piece of paper in the wind. 

“Rob, I’m telling you. He’s pulling away, I don’t know what I did wrong.” He didn’t mean to sound so defeated but the way Robin came back over to the counter and put her arm on his shoulder made him realize how much he hurt. Eddie was it for him, Eddie was all he wanted, all he had. If Eddie broke his heart, he knew he wouldnt recover. So maybe he was foolish for wanting to hang on, maybe he was stupid for wanting this to all just be some misunderstanding but he hoped it was just a phase in their relationship and they could work past it. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, but I think you’re just looking at it inccorectly.” She replied, and he sighed, running his hand through his hair and dropping his voice to a whisper as the door opened and someone came through. 

“I always look at everything incorrectly it seems.” He grumbled and she opened her mouth to reply, probably to tell him off, when there was a throat clearing behind him. He closed his eyes for a second, wishing whatever customer it was would just go away and leave him alone, before he turned around with the fake customer service smile he’d perfected. 

“Hey, Steve.” He didn’t expect to see Gareth, stone faced and looking slightly pissed off. 

“Gareth? Is Eddie okay?” He was immediately concerned and Gareth’s face softened slightly before he seemed to remember why he was there. 

“Eddie’s fine…well, less than fine. Listen, I don’t care for you that much.” 

“Okay? Ouch.” Steve muttered, he thought Gareth was the nicest out of all of them but that was proving to be difficult right now. He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, hardening his glare at Steve.

“Okay, I do care. We are…friends sort of. Whatever. Not why I’m here, man. I dont care what you get up to in your spare time, but Eddie is my best friend and I know how much he cares about you.” Steve got the feeling he was being lectured, but he didn’t know why. “I may not understand whatever you two bonded over, and why he’s in love with you, but I do know him almost better than myself. And you, Steve Harrington, would do well to remember he exists sometimes. Maybe just remind him that you love him, or something.” 

“What?” Steve stared at Gareth, confused and definitely feeling like he’d been pulled into the principal's office for a lecture on skipping class. “What are you talking about?” 

“Seriously?” Gareth sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. “First I’ve had to deal with Eddie’s moping all day and now this. I’m going to go grey before I’m eighteen.” He grumbled, mostly to himself. Eddie was moping? Steve really did mess up somehow. “Okay look, I wasn’t going to spell it out for you but I will now. Take him out for dinner or something, Steve. He thinks you don’t want to hang out with him anymore and that you’re going to break up with him.” With that, Gareth tapped the counter and headed back towards the door muttering to himself about needing a break from everyone for at least a week. 

“Told ya, you definitely read the situation wrong.” Robin mumbled as the door closed but Steve was frozen in horror. 

“Eddie thinks I’m breaking up with him?” He stared at the door, a million thoughts running through his head before he glanced at Robin. 

“Go, just go Steve. Get your man. If Keith asks me I’ll break out the bone saw.” He kissed her on the top of her head and vaulted over the counter. 

“Love you! I’ll call you tomorrow!” 

***

He took a deep breath, fixing the collar of his shirt and hesitating as he stood at the door to Eddie’s trailer. The situation reminded him eerily of the first time he came to ask Eddie out. The night sat in Steve’s favourite memories folder, where he kept everything he wanted to remember when he was old and grey and couldn’t remember much of anything. The way Eddie’s eyes shone with hope when Steve stumbled through his confession, the soft pink colour his cheeks turned after they’d kissed for the first time. Steve wanted to treasure every moment with Eddie, and in order to do that, he had to fix their miscommunication. 

He took another breath, and knocked on the door. 

“Steve? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” Eddie’s expression was guarded and it hurt Steve a little that he’d put it there. 

“Robin’s covering for me, had to see you. Wanted to see you, actually.” Eddie stared at him for a second, eyes searching, confusion plain on his face before he tilted his head up the roof and groaned. 

“Gareth needs to learn to keep his stupid mouth shut.” He grumbled, but stepped aside and let Steve in behind him, heading towards his room as Steve followed. 

“I’m glad he didn’t.” Steve said casually, following Eddie onto his bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed, wondering if Eddie was going to think it as funny as he did. Not that he found it funny, but he did find it ironic that they were both stressing about the same thing. 

“You’re glad?” Eddie flopped backwards onto the bed and stretched his arms like a cat towards the ceiling before turning to face Steve. He laid back and turned to Eddie, reaching up and linking their fingers together. 

“Yeah, see.” Steve pulled their hands towards his face and pressed light kisses to Eddie’s knuckles, accenting each of his words. “Here I was this morning, telling Robin that my life is over because my boyfriend is going to break up with me, only to find out that he was doing the same thing to his best friend.” Eddie didn’t look away from Steve, holding his gaze for a moment before he let out a breathy laugh. 

“We’re so fucking stupid.” Steve grinned at him, 

“Yeah we are.” He rolled towards Eddie using their joined hands to pull Eddie close enough to him for their noses to brush. “I've been thinking…”

“Oh, that never leads to anything good.” Eddie teased, eyes crinkling at the edges as he fought a smile. Steve could count every freckle on Eddie’s face, memorize every line. He pulled back at the words, rolling back onto his back and turning his gaze to the roof. 

“Just for that I’m not going to tell you.” He replied, mostly teasing. It worked, it pulled a giggle out of Eddie and he shifted. He moved to straddle Steve’s hips and rest his hands beside Steve’s head on the bed. Steve’s hands dropped down to thumb at Eddie’s waist and he took a moment to relish this picture. 

“Tell me, sweetheart.” Eddie murmured, lifting his hand to trace Steve’s brow. 

“Well…I have two options. One is we take at least one night a week just for us.” Eddie’s face grew softer, his hair tumbling over his shoulders and surrounding his face as he ducked his head. “Because, as much as I love Robbie, and the kids. I really do want to spend more time with you, I’d follow you to the ends of the world if I had to.” Eddie leaned down and closed the distance between them, pressing his lips softly to Steve’s. 

“You already know I’d follow you into hell, I already sort of did.” Steve rolled his eyes and lightly pinched his side. “But that sounds like your best idea yet.” 

“I knew you’d say that.” Steve whispered, pulling Eddie back towards him and silencing him for a bit longer. Finally, Eddie pulled away, rolling off of Steve and curling into his side. 

“Sorry I didn’t talk to you.” Eddie mumbled and Steve wrapped him up in his arms. “I didn’t want you to feel like I was making you choose…I would never make you choose. I just didn’t feel as important for a bit there, now I know I was being foolish.” 

“You don’t have to apologize, Eds. I’m sorry too, sorry I didn’t talk to you either and instead pulled away…I didn’t know what else to do.” Eddie nuzzled further into Steve’s embrace, looking like he was attempting to fuse himself with Steve’s body. 

“Don't worry, we’re both idiots. Idiots in love, and idiots in love we shall be. Just…let's talk about it in the future instead of hiding it.” 

“Agreed.” Steve pressed a kiss to Eddie’s forehead and sighed lightly. They lapsed into a comfortable silence as the light of day started fading into night. 

“Oh, what was your second thing you wanted to say?” 

“Right, I almost forgot. I found us a house, if you wanted to move in with me…we can sign the papers tomorrow.” 

“What?!”