#so he might start to watch more dramedy

[bobmonkee]

Guy in Walmart trying to sell me a phone plan: Hello sir can I interest you in...

Me: *Gently but firmly puts my magic hand around his soul, letting him know on an unconscious level that he is but putty in my hands*

Guy in Walmart trying to sell me a phone plan: in, uh, in, it's a phone, uh, plan

Me: Oh I already have a phone plan *releases his souls very slowly, so as to confirm there would be no escape*

Guy in Walmart trying to sell me a phone plan: Oh that's ok we actually have price matching *his hair goes snow white as his eyes roll back into his head, his soul bending easily at my will*

[buckevantommy]

oh wow. so the christmas special was a lot of fun! my main thoughts..

Ruby feels like a mashup of rose and clara with a dash of amy— idk if that was intentional, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing bc i think anyone who likes Ruby and hasn’t seen previous series can go back and watch those previous companions for the first time and find familiarity in them— but i really didn't like clara’s personality (or the actor), and i think ruby comes across as more of an algorithm designed character than a person which isn’t great in this war against ai. i like her backstory, her family and friends and being a muso are all great, but i need a few more eps to guage how i feel about her bc i don't love who they cast and she's trying too hard and the chemistry with ncuti just isn't there (maybe they'll become mates irl and that rapport will soon filter into their dynamic)—but it's early days, so we'll see how i feel about her and them by the end of the first season.

i love Ncuti! it's very early days so i'm curious to see how his vibe develops and how his dynamic settles with Ruby. he reminds me so much of eric from Sex Education—not a bad thing at all! i love that energy and that swagger and that vivacious youth! however: that intro club scene where he's dancing (even though it was fun af) was giving zero Doctor Who vibes (i especially didn't like the song choice, personal preference) but that might just be normal? how it usually goes with every new doctor this millenium? they all feel so different from the previous doctor's era vibes, which makes sense bc they're meant to be carving their own style etc. and keeping with the times..

ncuti is the youngest doctor yet, his companion is the youngest since the vintage days, and various character details from both of them point towards this series being geared at GenZ and GenA, trying to bring the joy and wonder to younger viewers— and i love that! it feels fresh! it’s modern! but as someone in their early 30s who can no longer bear watching teen dramedies (even if they are the best chance of seeing queer rep) bc the writing can be terrible but moreover i've just aged out of relating to people in their teens (especially GenZ/A) i just hope the writing of DW doesn't take on that same teen mindset so much that it puts off older viewers. i also worry he’s not believable as a doctor on earth bc he looks so young, but *handwavey*.

singing goblins? fun. singing doctor? well, it's ncuti so it was awesome. but knowing ruby is in a band, and this doctor can sing.. look, i just don't want to see more random musical numbers pop up in future eps— but i'm not a fan of musical eps in anything, so again, personal preference. it's a very american thing to do, inserting musical numbers into non-musical shows, so maybe it'll pull more american viewers?

the goblins look cool and the cgi works without looking fake and they use prosthetics for the goblin king which works well. it’s monstery fun doctor who! magic as science! language of ropes! conicidence! i think we’ll see a lot more fantasy over scifi this series, as was started with the whole salt spilling at the edge of the universe, and as a lover of supernatural and scifi i’m excited for the melding of the two! there’s a lot of fun and mystery to be found in that genre mashup. but one baby for all those goblins? or just the king? i have notes.

Fifteen being a foundling like Ruby hints at the arc of the series? will we find out who the doctor's parents are? was he created in a stardust labratory? is he really a human being from 20th/21st century earth? (would explain his returning to that era so often his whole life and seeking companions from then and there) IS RUBY THE DOCTOR? i love this setup, this mystery, and the theory that the one who left Ruby is Thirteen.

the best christmas song choices imho. the music and set design was festive and warm and such a treat, although i wish more scenes were set at night so we could get more christmas lights and lighting magic - the apartment and the church lighting were so beautiful and vibrant! the daytime setting just didn’t pop, it was bland.

shoutout to the crack in Ruby’s apartment swallowing her up in time— who else screamed Amelia Pond! the crack in my wall! and pointed manically at the screen? i feel you.

all in all: fun, smiles, thrills, almost tears. not a lot of feels even when they were prompted, but that might be on me not loving Ruby atm and not the writing lacking anything— i think this series is gonna deliver on the feels front, no question about it.

i think people who enjoyed the 21st century doctors, as well as those who are new to the show, will enjoy this ep and Ncuti’s portrayal (especially those who are fans of Sex Education). very curious to see how existing fans react to Ruby’s casting and characterisation and whether i’m in the minority of not liking her. but this was a fun little adventure! i’m looking forward to the series bc ncuti is a powerhouse and with RTD back at the helm and fantasy-scifi angle, i think we're in for some good storytelling. 

ruby's actor is my main hangup, but we'll see. we shall see..

[c-schroed]

"Suzume" – The Movie for Everyone Who Didn't Get What "Your Name" Was All About

I love, I really, really love Makoto Shinkai's 2016 anime movie "Your Name", because aside from telling an absolute blast of a perfectly entertaining body-swap romance story that en passant tackles hot topics like gender roles and urban versus rural life (which alone would make it a close-to-perfection mainstream movie), it also manages to find the perfect metaphor for an indescribable loss, for a kind of grief so profoundly that it cannot be put into words. And although never mentioned in the movie, for me it was always clear that the central catastrophe of "Your Name" directly alludes to the Great Tōhoku Earthquake and Tsunami that started on 11 March of 2011. Which for me made this movie into a great piece of art for generations to come.

Enter "Suzume", another anime movie by Makoto Shinkai. About dealing with the aftermath of catastrophic events. A movie that directly states that the central trauma of its main protagonist can be traced back to a specific day 12 years ago. A day in march. And yes it is stated which exact date in march it was. Guess the number. Yeah, that one.

I won't lie, the way this was revealed in the movie was a pretty darn strong moment. It was foreshadowed throughout the whole movie, it was stated more and more clearly, and it still struck me quite a bit when it was finally revealed. Because Makoto Shinkai is a fucking genius of a director who just knows how to tell a story. But still. I admit to being a bit disappointed by the lack of subtlety that "Suzume" revealed here.

Plus, the resulting plot leaves a bit of a weird aftertaste. As one Japanese reviewer whom I watched on Youtube mentioned, one of the narration's implications is that most earthquakes in Japan have a supernatural cause that can be avoided if certain gifted people resolve some kind of emotional imbalance in the area. Which is a fascinating idea that – like all of Shinkai's movies that I know – is wonderfully deeply rooted in Japanese Shinto religion. But it still results in a weird mix of mainstream fiction and real-life tragedy. Maybe as if one was told that the Winchester brothers of "Supernatural" would have been responsible to prevent the Columbine school shooting, or that Marvel's Avengers should have prevented the September 11 Attacks. It's just a bit weird to me.

On the other hand, I heard Makoto Shinkai talk about his inspirations in an interview, and he pointed out that his main motivation for "Suzume" was him finding out that many people that watched "Your Name" did not understand its relation to the 2011 Tōhoku Earthquake, and that, even more dramatically, a lot of young people – abroad as well as in Japan! – seemed to never have heard of this tragedy. So yeah, I understand him. And I can accept that "Suzume" might be an important film, and a great addition to "Your Name". I guess it's just that I'd sometimes prefer to live in a world where things don’t need to be spelled out to be understood.

However. All my whining about a lack of subtlety and potentially weird aftertastes aside, "Suzume" is one heck of a ride. From its marvellous first scene that blends into the title screen with a verve that I have not seen for years, to the lovely "what happens to the protagonist next" animations that accompany the credits, "Suzume" is a marvellously animated movie bursting with beautiful images, clever foreshadowings and heartbreaking tributes to the remnants of past disasters. It is what Makoto Shinkai can do best: A perfect mix of mainstream fun and hot topic commentary. Most likely the best fantasy dramedy romance road movie of the next years to come!

One detail still bothers me though. It's something that already annoyed me in Shinkai's previous film, "Weathering with You": While most products depicted in "Suzume" are just clever allusions to real brands (e.g., we have POKKA sweets instead of POCKY, and – my personal favourite! – BEIKO clocks instead of SEIKO ones), there is one scene in the middle where Suzume goes hitchhiking and the family she travels with makes a lunch break at some burger place. And, gosh, that scene really that goes immense lengths to assure that even. the. dullest. goshdarn. audience. member. will notice this burger place to be FUCKING MCDONALD'S. Just… Why?

Anyway, if you have the chance to watch "Suzume", do give it a try. Especially if you know and love "Your Name". And if you can view it at a cinema, then go for it! The sound alone is worth the ticket, and gosh those pictures!

Just… do me a favor and don't visit McDonald's afterwards, yes?

[denimbex1986]

'Working as an actor for three decades, Andrew Scott is one of Ireland's premiere actors, having a variety of roles in movies and TV shows in that time. The Fleabag star got his acting career started by appearing in the stage play Brighton Beach Memoirs before securing his first film role in the 1995 Irish movie, Korea. After appearing in a diverse set of movies and shows through the 90s and 2000s, Andrew Scott's first big breakout role was in Sherlock, the 2010 BBC series based on the famous character.

After that, he added shows like Fleabag, Black Mirror, and His Dark Materials to his name, always bringing his best with every performance. On the film side, he appeared in Spectre, 1917, and All of Us Strangers. His most recent role was in Ripley, the Netflix adaptation of Patricia Highsmith's novel, The Talented Mr. Ripley. With Wake Up Dead Man, the third Knives Out movie in production, and Richard Linklater's Blue Moon, there is a lot to look forward to for Andrew Scott going forward.

10. His Dark Materials (2019-2022)

Andrew Scott as Colonel John Parry / Jopari

His Dark Materials is the three-season HBO adaptation of the trilogy of novels of the same name by Philip Pullman. It's a spectacular adaptation, telling the story of a young girl named Lyra who attempts to search for her missing friend before stumbling upon a kidnapping plot that relates to an invisible cosmic dust. It's an incredible fantasy series that brings the stunning source material to life in thrilling fashion, making it a must-watch in Andrew Scott's filmography.

While he might not be a main character in the series, Scott is particularly great as Colonel John Parry, a marine and explorer, and is also known as Dr. Stanislaus Grumman or Jopari in Lyra's world. The character is complex, and Scott navigates his story with nuance given the weighty themes that can be explored in the series.

9. Locke (2013)

Andrew Scott as Donal

Locke features one of the best performances of Tom Hardy's career, as it revolves around a man named Ivan Locke, a construction manager who drives around conducting a series of phone interviews. What makes Locke special is that Tom Hardy is the only character to appear on-screen, and everyone else (including Andrew Scott) only utilizes their voice during the various phone calls. It's an intimate film that feels more grand than it might let on, and its unique premise really lets it shine.

Scott was tasked with voicing Donal, Ivan Locke's work trainee who needs Locke to coach him through the preparation of a pour. It's not the most substantial role of his career, but Scott is quite great in it, and his conversation with Locke is engaging despite being a rather mundane thing to talk about. In fact, it's aspects like their mundane conversation that make Locke so appealing.

8. Ripley (2024)

Andrew Scott as Tom Ripley

Ripley is Netflix's fantastic attempt to adapt Patricia Highsmith's seminal mystery novel, making it the latest adaptation, while also being the first to be a TV series. Because of that, it works incredibly well, really using the extra time it has to flesh out the characters and explore the engaging mystery at hand to its full depth. Of course, it isn't a one-to-one adaptation, making a number of changes to better suit the medium it is presented in. Still, it's one of the best takes on the novel and one filled with some spectacular performances.

Both the star and a producer, Andrew Scott excels at playing the enigmatic man at the center of it all, Tom Ripley. It feels like his take on the character is the most monstrous, with him doing some truly insidious acts throughout the series. It's Scott at his best, and perhaps the greatest interpretation from a character standpoint of Tom Ripley.

7. Pride (2014)

Andrew Scott as Gethin Roberts

Pride is an effective historical dramedy about LGBTQ+ activists that helped raise money to help families affected by the British miners' strike of 1984. The film is hilarious while still highlighting the similarities and solidarity between various groups of people plagued with different issues. It's empathetic and touching, while being one of Andrew Scott's most underrated films, as it feels so real and vulnerable and equally powerful.

Scott is particularly amazing in the movie, playing Gethin Roberts. He is the partner of Jonathan Blake, the second person diagnosed with HIV in the UK, and was alienated from his village when he came out to them over a decade ago. It's a powerful performance that packs a dramatic punch that is tragic and beautiful. His performance graciously handles the subject material and is that much better for it.

6. 1917 (2019)

Andrew Scott as Lieutenant Leslie

1917 is a harrowing look at two British soldiers, and their mission to carry an important message to call off a doomed attack during World War I. Utterly breathtaking throughout, what really makes 1917 shine is the way it employs a one-shot technique throughout the whole film, blending any cuts made seamlessly to make it feel like it was all filmed in one massive take. It's incredibly impressive and mind-blowing from a technical standpoint, but it also can be bleak and heartbreaking at times, showing the horrors of the war at hand.

Andrew Scott doesn't have a massive role in the film, playing Lieutenant Leslie, a worn-down soldier who explains to the two soldiers how to cross no man's land. While it is a small part, Scott is perfect in his role, portraying a weary, exhausted soldier who embodies the bleak situation while giving out possibly life-saving advice in the process.

5. Black Mirror (2019)

Andrew Scott as Christopher Michael Gillhaney

Black Mirror is fantastic television, utilizing its anthology approach to tell horrific, sad, and sometimes hopeful stories revolving around near-future technology and humanity's relationships to it. While some episodes are much better than others, each one feels unique in its own way, with fantastic performances across the board from the plethora of actors that come on board. Over the course of its first six seasons and counting, the tales it weaves are often poignant, effective, and often terrifying.

Like most actors who sign up for Black Mirror, Andrew Scott only appears in one episode called "Smithereens", playing Christopher Michael Gillhaney, a rideshare driver that takes the intern of a social media company hostage. Scott was nominated for a Primetime Emmy for his performance as he was the true standout of the episode. It might not be the best Black Mirror episode ever, but Scott is phenomenal in it.

4. Band Of Brothers (2001)

Andrew Scott as Private John D. Hall

Created by Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks, Band of Brothers is one of the most popular HBO shows of all time, and for good reason, since it is also one of the best. Telling the story of Easy Company from their beginnings at boot camp, through to the frontlines of Europe, and into the end of World War II. It's a masterpiece on every level, as it is exhilarating, gut-wrenching, and incredibly hopeful all at the same time.

Band of Brothers could easily take the top spot on any list, but given that Andrew Scott is only in one episode of the show, it doesn't have the same impact on his filmography as something like Sherlock. Still, Scott is magnificent as Private John D. Hall, supplying men of the Easy Company with TNT to thwart an attack, and is killed by a landmine in the process. Even though his role was brief, Scott made the most of it.

3. All Of Us Strangers (2023)

Andrew Scott as Adam

All of Us Strangers is a beautiful and tender fantasy romance film that explores grief through memories of the past. It follows the relationship between a screenwriter and his mysterious neighbor while he draws upon memories of his parents 30 years prior, as if nothing ever happened to them. While All of Us Strangers is bold and creative in its approach, it always chooses to focus on the characters in the middle of the narrative, handling them with grace and giving them depth and complexity.

All of Us Strangers features a pair of acting masterclasses with Andrew Scott and Paul Mescal. Scott in particular, is mesmerizing as the lonely screenwriter, Adam, who is drawn to Mescal's Harry. The narrative requires Scott to draw from a variety of emotions, and he does so with ease, making Adam an incredibly complex character who must navigate some life-changing situations.

2. Sherlock (2010-2017)

Andrew Scott as James Moriarty

At its best, Sherlock is a masterpiece, beautifully telling the story of the iconic character and the various mysteries he attempts to solve throughout the series. Benedict Cumberbatch is a revelation as Sherlock Holmes and the series is a wonderful, modern update to its source material. The chemistry between Sherlock Holmes and Martin Freeman's Watson was undeniable and one of the biggest reasons for how good the show truly is.

There is a lot to be said about Andrew Scott and his portrayal of Moriarty, the criminal mastermind and foil to Sherlock Holmes. He doesn't have a significant role until season 2, but he shines in every scene that he is in, portraying the character as dangerous and unpredictable, the perfect antagonist for Sherlock Holmes to face off against. He is one of the show's best characters, and Scott is a significant reason for that.

1. Fleabag (2019)

Andrew Scott as The Priest

It's hard to overstate just how amazing Fleabag is, and it is easy to see that it is the best Andrew Scott role that he has ever had. Starring Phoebe Waller-Bridge as "Fleabag", the series focuses on the free-spirited woman as she navigates life and love in London while trying her best to cope with a tragedy. What makes Fleabag so special is how witty and insightful it is, with fourth wall-breaking humor that provides running commentary to the audience while never overstaying its welcome.

Not appearing until season 2, Andrew Scott plays the priest, whom Fleabag ends up falling in love with. Scott is genuinely hilarious in the role, with a performance full of sarcasm, wit, and a lot of charm. It is easy to see why Fleabag fell for the character, and his performance is a big reason for that. Andrew Scott's priest is a special character in a very special show.'

[glassrain83]

Dear Yuletide Writer 2023

I am GlassRain on AO3, and thank you for writing for my tiny fandom(s)!

I love all these characters and any fic about them will make me happy. If you already have an idea feel free to run with it. If you want extra prompts or ideas, that’s what this is for.

Yes please: gay stuff, outer space, magic. Non-con, dub-con, and mind control. Relationships where there’s a power imbalance but they also truly love each other and do the work to make it good. Relationships with size differences (not as in short human/tall human, as in human/building-sized dragon). Identity porn/any kind of reveal where the audience knows something and gets to enjoy watching the characters figure it out.

No thanks: Gore/body horror/graphic depictions of violence, embarrassment, extreme underage (teen characters having sex is fine), bodily fluids (except the usual ones for sex scenes), non-canon character death, mundane AUs.

Fandoms:

Leif & Thorn (Webcomic)

Characters: Leif, Thorn

Leif is a gardener in thrall to a mysterious debt, serving his native Sønheim at a foreign embassy. Thorn is a Knight of Ceannis who got severely burned while dragonslaying, and was rewarded with a cushy job guarding the embassy gates. Thorn doesn’t speak Leif’s language too well at first — but as they get to know each other, he finds a lot of reasons to learn.

Ongoing fantasy dramedy, with a cross-cultural romance and a great ensemble cast. (Read it here.) Leif/Thorn is canon, over a slow-burn arc that took about 5 years real-world time. They still have ongoing struggles around Leif’s control microchip, and Thorn’s effort to handle the unwanted power it gives him. Leif/Thorn/Kale is not canon yet, but the OT3 shipteasing is strong, so maybe in 5 more years?

The prompts are Leif/Thorn-centric but I will take fic about other characters too. Other ships on the side are fine, canon or non-canon, as long as you don’t break up the main couple.

Prompts:

Canon-divergence AU where Thorn joined the Secret Order of Monster Hunters, successfully assassinated the vampires in that one early storyline, and decided to rescue/steal Leif as a bonus. What? He was in the area anyway, he might as well.

Leif/Thorn where Leif still has the microchip, but Kale has his powers and facilitates a psychic link between them, so Thorn can’t possibly miss if he tries something Leif doesn’t like. Can be established Leif/Thorn/Kale or “whoops this turned into our first threesome.”

Holiday fic where Leif and Thorn share their traditions with each other. Warmth and fluffiness a plus.

Crossover prompt: the Leif & Thorn universe has a Fantasy Eurovision Song Contest..what does Fire Saga’s act look like in a world with widespread/commonplace magic?

Doctrine of Labyrinths - Sarah Monette

Characters: Felix, Mildmay

The Doctrine of Labyrinths is a series of fantasy novels by Sarah Monette. It is set in the secondary world of Meduse and tells the story of the adventures of the wizard Felix Harrowgate and his half-brother, former assassin Mildmay the Fox.

Lush fantasy melodrama full of codependence and great hurt/comfort. I have gotten Felix/Mildmay fic before and will keep prompting more of it until the end of time (or until a TV adaptation turns this into a megafandom, whichever comes first). Gen about them is also welcome.

Prompts:

Sci-fi/cyberpunk AU. Make the hocuses into hackers, the magical curses into corrupted cybernetics, the petty thieves into data pirates. Could be the alternate version of a canon event, or a whole new SF-themed plot twist.

Missing scene from Felix and Mildmay’s journey across the continent in book 1, something where Felix has a bad turn and Mildmay successfully calms him down. Just lean all the way into the h/c in their weird-but-deep sibling bond.

Guilty frantic brothercest. (During a time in canon when they’re both mentally capable of consenting.) Especially if it’s already an ongoing situation when the story starts, so it’s not a story about how they fell into it, but about how they can’t seem to get out.

If you are up for writing crossovers: it’s a crime that there are no Labyrinth crossovers yet. How would Felix and Mildmay face off against the Goblin King?

The Good Place (TV)

Characters: Tahani Al-Jamil

The series focuses on Eleanor Shellstrop, a woman who wakes up in the afterlife and is introduced by Michael to “The Good Place”, a highly selective Heaven-like utopia he designed, as a reward for her righteous life. She realizes that she was sent there by mistake and must hide her morally imperfect behavior and try to become a better, more ethical person.

Complete TV fantasy sitcom. Hard to summarize, because it dumps the whole premise on its head and starts doing something new about twice a season. I don’t ship Tahani with any of the male characters (or Janet), but would love either gen or f/f.

Prompts:

AU where Tahani was the one who was “mixed up” with a different “Tahani Al-Jamil”. Where is she placed instead of a creepy clown house? How does she cope? How does Vicky (or whoever) craft the role of her most torturously-unsuitable soulmate?

Kidfic about the terrible family dynamics in Tahani’s childhood. Especially things that her POV frames as happy, or fine, or at least justified…but the reader can tell how much it’s not.

Friendship fic with Eleanor and Tahani during their time on Earth. They couldn’t possibly know each other for a whole year without bonding.

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

8:34 pmpdt 4 April 2023 Tuesday

I thought I worked hard in community college and intaglio printmaking and other stuff but I guess it wasn’t hard enough. I guess I wasn’t sacrificing enough. I guess I lied. I guess I’m really screwed. 🥶👹😓😵😞😖😭🥵acid under skin. 8:37 pmpdt too many excuses too many mistakes. I don’t believe that he spent any time with me. It was probably always a miñion. 8:38 pmpdt so many lies to get me to believe. 8:39 pmpdt I guess I deserve it. It’s sad though to be lied 🤥 to in that way. I don’t see how it would have been possible for me to have a real relationship with incubus. 8:40 pmpdt he’s proud of it. I think he took back the hair. 8:41 pmpdt e particle in Japanese is used when talking about direction/traveling? V=5=go bat 🦇 go? To gas ⛽️? Trying to understand. I guess that means his daughter is gas ⛽️ lighting me? His back w/ 2?crosses The second one made with dots = double crossed. Stabbed in back. Vampire 🧛‍♀️? I guess he’s calling me a vampire 🧛‍♀️ that he stabs in the back with a cross. 8:47 pmpdt intricate symbols?

9:58 pmpdt I guess I was too unrealistically optimistic. I thought 💭 maybe love 💕 is simpler in reality. If someone makes you feel safe, happy, and helps you maybe 🤔 you might start to love 💕 them. But if they hurt you, you will start to hate them. But I guess I didn’t think 💭 enough about it. Why someone might like me or you is it really more complex and hard to like someone? I was annoyed a lot and I thought 💭 maybe 🤔 I need to get used to them, is this how to socialize myself and start naturally adapting and start naturally liking people? I mentioned that to Q, but Q said it should work immediately/click immediately. No work. Maybe 🤔 she’s right? Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️. I watched a Korean dramedy I think titled legend of the blue sea 🌊? I think 💭 it’s based on reincarnation maybe 🤔 in a fictional way? Yeah. If specific dna 🧬 combos are ultimate matches and everyone is different then we would ultimately be more attracted to one person than another and that it would work out magically by Mother Nature. But that was when I started believing all the stuff incubus put online for me to see: (acid burning under skin. 10:08 pmpdt) soulmates stuff, the hair taped on the cookie 🍪 container that said baton on it, the videos in Instagram posts and stories, the bed 🛏 being fixed or replaced after I went for a walk with mom. I started to believe. I think it’s heinous to toy 🧸 with me like that Bcz I grew up 🆙 watching Disney movies and wishing for magic 🪄 and soulmates to be real. But I was hoping for a very attractive soulmate 😥😵 in high school 🏫 an older man came to talk to the whole school 🏫 said there’s no soulmate. There’s no the one. And that there are a lot of people you can be compatible with. And he even joked about one man 👨 impregnating the whole world 🌎. 10:13 pmpdt

10:25 pmpdt I guess I have been too naïve? Didn’t think 💭 enough. God gave a lot of people good reason to ignore me and not know me and assume everything he said to be true. Like that men are attracted to men so we should assume that what we see and know is real? Or if god really talked to you does he tell you he mollified an evil 🦹 person by making him gay???? I m trying to figure it out, otherwise I think 🤔 most or all people? Are virtue signaling and don’t mean anything they say? No one cares if someone else’s daughter gets raped and murdered Bcz god said it was ok, and Bcz it’s normal for guys to rape and murder it’s excused. So I guess I am and was really naïve... 10:31 pmpdt now I’m not. And I feel these feelings that I would have felt so ashamed to feel while I was growing up 🆙. So I’m going to die and no one will care Bcz it really is a dog eat dog 🐶 world 🌎 and incubus has no shame in feeling that way himself but he’s making it hard for me to know for sure. But Bcz it’s gone this far for this long I guess there is no hope for humanity. To be human is to be excused by god so you don’t have to care when bad things happen to people you don’t know and you will never know. 10:34 pmpdt desolation? God/incubus is trying to make me believe I deserved to be treated by Nick in that way. 10:35 pmpdt and I guess Scott. And everyone. 10:36 pmpdt if I really didn’t deserve to be treated that way it’s getting harder for even myself to know anymore even though I was a virgin until 19 years old. How confused 🤷🏻‍♀️ some gay people might be feeling now about themselves????10:37 pmpdt 10:38 pmpdt

10:42 pmpdt I guess I really don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve anything wonderful and beautiful 😻 in my life. 10:42 pmpdt

10:43 pmpdt I don’t have much of a butt left. It’s almost gone. And the incubus gave me a rash on my butt. 10:44 pmpdt it’s really like *NSYNC sings bye bye bye 👋 10:45 pmpdt

10:59 pmpdt 11 pmpdt I guess Nick carter is more valuable than I am. More deserving than I am. I tried too hard a lot of times to like people that I neglected myself, I guess? Right hip pain 11:02 pmpdt I web searched and $35 million popped up 🆙 for his net worth. But I’m not talking about money 💰. What is the definition of a whore? I guess that’s me. No one who adores other rich people are not whores, even if they don’t know them well. 11:05 pmpdt

11:14 pmpdt sorry 😞 I’m angry. But I’m designated whore of the apocalypse. Desolation. Desolated. Loneliness is tragical? 11:15 pmpdt

🎶🎼🎵🎤🎸11:16 pmpdt

11:52 pmpdt incubus hates me. I’m dying 😵. I’m dying 😵. I’m dying 😵. I anticipate dying. I think he’s going to make me want to commit suicide. Soon. Already started feeling it. Which is why I’m begging him to do to it by guillotine. Bcz I don’t believe the nicer things he says anymore (acid pain skull 💀 maybe brain 🧠? Yup there it is. 😵😖😭 he’s really putting it inside more now. 11:55 pmpdt) I was too naïve. He is not faking it. This is heinous. I guess he thinks I slacked off too much even though I had difficulty focusing, difficulty remembering, difficulty comprehending. I took a whole hour I think I remember to read a not very small print page 📄 which was probably only 6” by 6” of a philosophy homework 📚 so I gave up a lot. But when I got help I was more likely to finish the assignment. The please read program. 11:58 pmpdt he’s killing my brain 🧠 with acid and abuse. 11:59 pmpdt I don’t trust god. If he cannot be straight, honest with me then I should assume the darker more heinous stuff he’s saying to me is true. I cannot believe him anymore. I’m afraid 😱 all this acid is going to make me fall. 12:01 am pdt if no one is themself, if we are all messed with like a gay man 👨 then what’s really wrong and right? It’s all lost???? So it seems to not matter anymore to god? I’m too naïve. 😞😖😭😫😩 12:02 am pdt

12:06 12:07 am pdt I am very dumb. For months I thought 💭 we could build parking lot structures and do additional farming on that. Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m not a farmer 👩‍🌾. 12:08 am pdt would probably need to put openings on each floor to let in sunlight ☀️ 🌞 sun ⛅️. 12:10 am pdt

12:10 am pdt I am dumb. Unfortunately, when incubus started showing himself to me he didn’t say he was god immediately. Now I’m concerned what he actually did to me December ish 2016. He did do a lot of stuff in 2022. So I guess that was the same thing continued. 12:13 am pdt everyone hates me! 🥵 my butt is roasting 🥺☹️😖😭 it hurts. 12:14 am pdt I probably won’t like what comes next. 12:15 am pdt

12:19 am pdt I guess I’m too much of a liar 🤥 and slacker. Incubus/god hates me. I avoided getting jobs by going to school 🏫 and now I wish I had a job rather than go to school 🏫. I tried computer animation one semester?, fashion design one semester, (left nostril 👃 pain stings 12:22 am pdt) silk smells like bacon 🥓 if you burn it. 12:23 am pdt I did painting 🧑‍🎨 one semester. I did 3 English classes. (Acid harsh pain 12:24 am pdt) I f I excelled at Java I would have continued computer 👩🏻‍💻 programming. But I did not excel. 12:26 am pdt vag pain. I don’t think 💭 there’s a purpose anymore to writing ✍️. There is nothing to fight for anymore. I’m a fraud. Happy? Incubus? I said what you wanted me to admit.

12:29 am pdt acid pain brain 🧠 I was thinking 💭 about typing 💬 about my fear of being in the public and talking to people but then the acid happened. I guess he doesn’t want me explaining why I was afraid 😱 to get a job. Now it feels like a lie. But I think 💭 I remember that was the reason. I got jobs at school 🏫. 12:33 am pdt ( left nostril 👃 sting). When I was afraid 😱 to get a job in 2015 I thought 💭 about what job I could do. I wanted a data entry job that I could sit a computer 👩🏻‍💻 and not talk to anyone but a boss I could appreciate. 12:35 am pdt I thought 💭 that way, I won’t get into trouble! No more trouble. But I guess I am wrong! 12:36 am pdt

12:58 am pdt I am barking up 🆙 the wrong tree 🌳. There’s nothing to fight for. Everyone loves Nick carter and incubus. I’m the odd one out. 12:59 am (acid brain 🧠 pain) whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. 1 am pdt I guess it’s a trap 🪤 to call him incubus???? But that’s the dominant theme of my blog when I write ✍️ about (acid pain harsher than before! Back of mouth 👄 pain) . 1:07 am pdt you were punishing me for talking against incubus and now you’re punishing me for going the other way. Damned both ways. I would rather not do anymore work Bcz people think 💭 they don’t have to do anything and that they have no problems. And he’s rich 🤑 so he’s one of them. I’m only picking a fight that I should not pick, right? So I’m withdrawing. WHAT DO YOU WANT???????!!!!! 1:05 am pdt they (the winning side ) has no problems with Nick carter. But me (the losing side) has a problem with him. WHAT DO YOU (acid brain pain 1:06 am pdt) want.

1:19 am pdt every time incubus hurts me especially my brain 🧠 I think 💭 I should think 💭 that he lied 🤥. That he lied 🤥 about being my husband. It’s obviously a well thought out deception premeditated? Planned waaaay ahead of time. Bcz my name transliterated is chavah with Greek letter nu. Essentially. Adam + eve. I had difficulty even premeditating? the layout/composition when drawing on my own a vase 🏺 of flowers 💐. I would usually hope for the best once I decided on a spot to start on the paper 📄. 1:24 am pdt dumb (acid pain right arm 1:24 pmpdt) guess I’m dead 😵. 1:25 am pdt

1:28 am pdt I think the other side is bored anyway right? They always get to have fun 🤩 doing movies singing and dancing 🕺🏻. They probably want to sing and dance 💃🏻 with Nick carter. So why rob them of the opportunity? 1:30 🕜 am pdt they love him and want him around. 1:30 am pdt

1:31 am pdt I’m poor. They’re rich 🤑. They are not dying. I cannot breathe half the day and in chronic pain. Left shin pain. Doctors 🥼 like them! Right?! (Acid pain brain 🧠 skull 💀) I was doing this for free. Why no one else trying anything? Even though they have millions? Oh, Bcz they invested in the phony finger clip oxygen detection machine that Amar malek probably created? To kill me? 1:33 am pdt bcz they’re all only killers not saviors?????????? 😱 1:24 am pdt is that why on Wikipedia it says he’s an English major at a different college completely different from what I originally read? Bcz he’s hiding that he know computers 💻 and cellphones 📱??? Did he murder Lauren !? Did he hire hitmen to crash into her to kill her???? 1:36 am pdt

1:37 am pdt did Lauren secretly give my cellphone 📱 to Amar malek? Am I spelling his name right I don’t remember anymore. 1:38 am pdt

1:41 am pdt bcz it’s all gods plans it’s hard to know whether I should be angry 😡 about it or not. Feels bleak. I (left hip bone 🦴 pain 1:42 am pdt) ribs hip bones 🦴 pain! 1:43 am pdt it’s a crime to murder. If Amar malek decided to kill someone who helped him, an art 🖼 and philosophy major what was his reasoning to convince her? And what was his reasoning to kill her after she got my cell phone 📱 willingly from me? Was it greed? But did he fabricate something (1:46 pmpdt pain bone skull 💀 bottom right). He was friendly with the incubus and gym class heroes 🦸‍♂️? Maybe “Brendan”? Did he realize his plan was flawed, & thought 💭 don’t give Lauren time to catch on that he lied 🤥. Bcz if he told her I was a bad person, why would a poor, bad person give their cellphone 📱 to a classmate she barely knew? Too trusting? (Pain pain pain! Right ribs 1:50 am pdt) I’m dumb so it’s possible I am wrong but I feel as if I’m being punished it’s hurting ��� lung flesh sharp 😖😭😫 1:51 am pdt) I was too trusting. Maybe 🤔 in lala land. What is lala land???? If I was smart I wouldn’t give my cellphone 📱 to anyone? I could be wrong. But why would I risk it if I planned to do bad things? Bcz I don’t plan to do bad things? Maybe 🤔 he thought 💭 this afterwards after it was done ✅. 1:55 am pdt so, he had to hide his tracks, by killing her. (Acid brain 🧠 1:56 am pdt) all of this is speculation. 1:57 am pdt incubus is eating my brain with acid I don’t like this. This is serious. I will be completely dead soon if this continues. It might make me fall. 1:58 am pdt

1:58 am pdt Amar malek is dangerous if he’s really smart. Computers 💻 are dangerous. 1:59 am pdt he could knowingly be contributing (acid hot spine 😤🥵😤🥵😤😥😤 2 am pdt hot 🥵 brain 🧠) to s*x human trafficking/prostitution. If he read what I wrote on tumblr and chose not to come forward, it is basically like admitting to it, and mthat’s contingent upon proving he was at UCB and maybe following me back to my hometown. It’s possible if he killed Lauren then he probably killed others he befriended there. 2:03 am pdt

2:23 am pdt I wrote more stuff and it disappeared 👻. Not funny . I wrote serious stuff and felt more acid pain in my brain 🧠. I don’t even do drugs! 2:24 am pdt 2:24 am pdt did Amar malek kill ghost ship 🛳 in Oakland December 2, 2016? Cold 🥶 2:25 am pdt

2:27 am pdt if they’re really good and I’m really bad, then I guess I’m screwed: 2:27 am pdt

2:34 am pdt maybe 🤔 I’m too selfish 😞 I watched too many Disney movies. My paternal grand parents seemed like they maybe were happy to be married to each other. But Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️. They lived in SoCal mostly. And I lived in the bay. I was separated from everyone by distance. I remember my grandpa 👴 was not happy grandma 👵 died when I was 16 years old. 2:39 am pdt 2:40 am pdt

W2:46 am pdt left shin pain. 2:47 am pdt head hot. I think 💭 incubus is trying to make me crazy now. They don’t need any more ideas (teeth pain 2:48 Pam pdt) they’re rich 🤑 now. So I guess it’s time to get rid of me. 2:49 am pdt maybe I was a little dumb and weird and a little crazy so I looked crazy. So Amar malek probably thought 💭 he had time to see if he could harvest anymore ideas 💡 from me. 2:51 (acid in throat pain 2:51 am pdt) this is what I would have thought 💭 b4 the “god”/incubus thing was revealed to me. 2:52 am pdt how (acid brain 🧠 pain 2:53 am pdt) I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what incubus wants from me anymore. I use emojis as markers. 2:54 am pdt

2:58 am pdt how would I know that the idea 💡 was given to me by god? Or if I was given freedom to come up with my own ideas 💡? He did not speak to me and say this is my idea 💡 here use it as if it was your own. I did not have that type of relationship with god. 3 am pdt (acid brain 🧠 pain 3 am pdt)!!! Pain!!! Increased intensity of acid hot. He doesn’t like me disclosing that. I didn’t think 💭 very much. I didn’t put 2+2 together. There are times I forget what I experienced in one situation and then when I’m in a different situation sometimes There is no cross over. Probably was a consequence of hitting my head a lot. 3:03 am pdt I was afraid of getting pregnant 🤰 when I was with Scott and I didn’t think 💭 that god could cancel a pregnancy 🤰. So I took plan b, which was 2 pills 💊/tablets back then, the one I had. 3:05 am pdt if it’s a principle thing, I’m still getting punished. Like for the simple principle stuff. But I guess they are operating on different principles that I guess are higher than my principles that I’m operating on. If they’re better than me then god forgives them for the things that would otherwise be considered wrong. 3:07 am pdt I guess he wants me to acknowledge that. Bcz I had the tendency to not accept responsibility for things that I guess I should. I should not go on dates if I cannot control my desire. I should only (right heel pain 3:09 am pdt) Bcz Scott blamed me for turning him on for messing around. And he’s right. I should not have been on his lap. I should not have been at his house 🏠 without chaperone. I should have went to doctor amen 🙏 . To see if he can help me with addiction. (Brain acid pain 3:11 am pdt) so, that makes me bad. VERY BAD. He’s right. I was WRONG 😑. 3:12 am pdt left shin pain 3:13 am pdt (brain acid pain 3:13 am pdt) and I should have spent 100% of my time on my school 🏫 work. No fun at all with guys. No Nick. No Brendan. So if Amar is friends with them, it’s my fault then that (acid throat pain 3:15 am pdt) Amar malek probably stole stufff from me (acid right arm pain throat again 3:15 am pdt) and I should have not did what I did on any of those occasions I wrote confessions about. I was mean and selfish and bad. Even though that baby 👶, and those kids are probably okay back then when I did stuff, I shouldn’t have ran. I should have faced it all then each time something happened. But I was a coward. Always. With a few exceptions. 3:18 am pdt I guess that makes them better than me. Is that what you want incubus???? Left shin pain 3:19 am pdt (idk if incubus is lying 🤥 or not. What am I going to do. Autocorrect: inn innocent 🏨 3:20 am pdt I guess he’s telling me that it’s all (acid throat pain. Throat feels bumpy 3:21 am pdt) him. Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️. The room gets smelly here like it got smelly in the apartment. Neighbor upstairs in apartment was weird and noisy. They played loud music 🎶 at 11 pm shook walls. 3:23 3:24 am pdt sometimes I smelled fish in the bathroom 🚽. Sometimes gas fumes from cars. Sometimes when I showered my skin peeled after I smelled something bad. B4 peeling I think it hurt. Trying to remember. Acid right arm pain 3:26 am pdt. Incubus lies to me about marriage and children and makes it believeable. So I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️. Everything is weird Bcz of him. 3:27 am pdt making me feel weird and bad again left hip joint pain 3:27 am pdt 3:28 am pdt

[coeurdastronaute]

From Eden 8

Previously on From Eden

“You look absolutely stunning.” 

“Don’t butter me up, Woods.” 

“I’m not buttering. Who’s buttering? I would never butter. I was simply stating that you,” she leaned forward and kissed her girlfriend’s cheek, “look absolutely ravishing. In fact, I cannot wait to do more ravishing myself later.” 

“You’re buttering me up,” Clarke admonished half-heartedly. 

“You are,” Bellamy murmured from his seat on the couch, not helping the situation at all. Lexa shot him a glare and he shrugged. 

“Don’t you have something better to do?” 

“I’m driving you to the premiere.” 

Lexa grumbled to herself and sat back in her chair to finish the make-up routine. Clarke eyed her in the mirror as an artist did her own. Nearly three years together and there was something still magical about this woman. It was her throat. She had a lovely neck. And her jawline. And maybe even her ears. Clarke was in love with her ears. It might have been the absent way she scrolled through her phone, slightly anxious because she desperately wanted Clarke to agree to her newest purchase. It might have been the look she got back at her when Lexa realized she was being watched, surprised and content. Holding her gaze and smiling softly, just for her. Lexa had a smile reserved just for Clarke, and Clarke knew it. 

It was always an event, to get ready for an event. Clarke couldn’t believe she was getting used to it almost. The prep work started early, but she loved that at the end of it, Lexa would stand in front of her, all beautiful and perfect and box-office darling, and would act like Clarke was the most beautiful person on the planet, as if she couldn’t look at her because it was too much but she couldn’t look away. And it felt like prom, like a special date night that led to seeing something Lexa had been working so hard on. They led a very normal and boring life, compared to what Clarke knew of Lexa’s life before that bookstore. An event was a nice indulgence. 

In just a few days, they’d be flying to Wyoming for a quick summer shoot. The ranch they were renting was beautiful, pool and hot tub, sauna, giant bed. Clarke was excited to hike and embrace the solitude. She was going to disconnect and make some art. She was hoping to come away with more discipline and more pieces to show. Lexa was hoping to come away with a beautiful film and maybe an Oscar nomination before jumping back into the wings and mace get-up for a Justice League first movie. 

There was still a level of skepticism Clarke couldn’t shake when it came to believing Lexa was hers and hers alone. It was really highlighted when money came into the conversation. When Lexa showed Clarke the house she wanted to buy, just for them, no more roommates-- smaller and still adorable, but higher in the hills. There was more privacy to be had, a quieter life, which Lexa was constantly chasing. She was ready to settle down. Clarke was in love with that, she just… there was no way she could afford to contribute anything more than a fraction of a down-payment on a house like that. It made things weird. She felt weird. 

She bit her lip as she thought about it and sighed while her make-up artist fixed her cheeks and made her look presentable to be on the arm of America’s sweetheart. 

“You look great,” Lexa murmured when they met in the foyer. “I mean it.” 

“No, you-- I don’t tell you enough that you take my breath away, but there’s a reason you’re still at the top of my list.” 

It made her chuckle, and Lexa tipped up Clarke’s chin and kissed her sweetly, so as not to ruin the hard work. Clarke rooted her hands on Lexa’s hips, knotting her fingers with the loops on her pants. She felt Lexa adjust the necklace she’d given her for her, tapping it softly against her chest. 

“Are you ready to do this?” 

“You mean see an incredible piece of art that you are very proud of and that my favorite movie podcast has deemed your crowning performance in a dramedy?” Clarke insisted with a wry grin. “I don’t know if I’m ready to fall harder in love with you and your skills.” 

“I can show you skills I’m much more proud of,” Lexa offered, trailing her fingertips down the size of Clarke’s dress. 

“Promises, promises,” she rolled her eyes. “Meanwhile I’m the one on top the most recently.” 

“Literally, but spiritually I top you constantly. And you know that I like when you ri--”

“Are we ready?” Bellamy entered, swirling the keys around in his hand. “I have to get you there on time or Anya will have my balls.” 

“We’re ready,” Clarke peeped, her voice a little higher than normal as she flushed with Lexa’s suggestions.

Lexa grinned at her and let her gaze rest on her lips, debating how late they could be if she snuck some kisses in the back seat. Impolite kisses. Dangerous kisses. Clarke would need a few moments to touch up. It could be worth Bellamy’s castration. Hell, maybe anything would be worth that. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” Clarke chided as she walked past, tugging the back of Lexa’s coat where she remained rooted. 

“Like what?” 

“Like you want to prove a point now.” 

“Isn’t that why you said it?” 

Clarke shrugged as Lexa helped her into the SUV. They both already knew the answer. Clarke knew exactly what she was doing and exactly what would happen because of it. Lexa flexed her jaw and wondered when she could sneak out of the theater without looking like an asshole. 

“We have a whole after party to get through too. I want to dance tonight. Will you dance with me?” Clarke batted her eyelashes as Lexa buckled herself in and Bellamy started the journey. 

“I could be persuaded. I know you think Gus is a better dancer than me.”

“He is.” 

“He is a professionally trained ballroom dancer, it’s unfair.” 

“He’s a good dancer, but I like dancing more with you.” 

“Good. Save me a few. I know he’ll try to steal you.” 

“He might succeed. I wonder if he’s down to top--”

“You know it’s possible to top from the bottom. You know that I’m good at it. Plus you’re the one that climbed--”

“What kind of music do you guys want to listen to?” Bellamy interrupted loudly, not looking in the rearview mirror. 

The pair in the backseat shared a look and burst out laughing. 

“Whatever you want, Bell,” Clarke giggled. 

Lexa held her hand, toying with the fingers, rubbing her palm and giving her a look. Furtive glances were exchanged from time to time as they made their way toward the red carpet. Clarke knew exactly what she was doing, and Lexa knew it. 

“Anya said you get to walk with me a little bit, until the interview part. Are you excited?” 

“Excited to be ripped to shreds for my dress choice, body shape, make-up, and stealing the world’s most eligible queer bachelor?” 

“Well yeah,” Lexa nodded seriously before a grin escaped. 

“I am. I feel incredibly honored to be on your arm.” 

“And all because you couldn’t resist me in a bookshop.” 

“I’m a weak girl who was not good in customer service,” Clarke shrugged again. 

“I dunno, you’ve serviced this customer plenty.” 

“Any other music choices? I can put anything on,” Bellamy nearly yelled again, turning the volume up. 

Lexa snuck a look at Clarke, her shoulders shaking from the laughter before she shook her head. She traced the tendons of her wrist before kissing her hand and holding it the rest of the trip. 

XXXXXXXXXXX

Lexa liked the part where she got to walk with Clarke. Her girlfriend was increasingly good and charming. Lexa felt more at ease with Clarke near her, like a walking lavender diffuser. Clarke’s hands were always on her, holding a hand, wrapping around a waist This was the same girl that found it amusing that she was obsessed over by a section of the internet devoted to lesbian couples. She wasn’t sure what to do about any of the interview requests or things like that, allowing Anya to take care of most. It was amazing what a girl from a bookshop could accomplish, if that girl was Clarke. 

“You have lipstick on your chin,” Clarke whispered. 

Lexa jutted her chin out as Clarke wiped at it with her thumb. It was from the kisses. Lexa got her way sometimes. 

“You should wear this dress more often.” 

“Oh, like grocery shopping?” Clarke chuckled as her hand went to Lexa’s shoulder, her arm resting against her back as they posed at the next stop on the carpet. 

“Actually, I kind of just want to see you in those heels.” 

“Oh?” that piqued her interested with a tiny blush. “Not the very expensive La Perla that was left in a box on the bed after I got out of the shower.”

“That and the heels please.” 

“Only if I like the movie. My podcast is known to overestimate some films.”

Lexa bit the inside of her cheek and smiled at the cameras. Anya would love that, the looks, the touching. Nothing had been better for her image than Clarke. Nothing had made more serious directors talk to her than settling down and not bringing a bunch of drama to set. Clarke was the impetus for most of the good things she had, and Lexa knew it. Anya stressed it to her frequently. 

“Save me a drink inside? I’ll be in soon,” Lexa promised as they reached Anya and knew it was time for interviews. 

Clarke leaned forward, the height from her heels making it easier for her to reach her taller girlfriend. She kissed her softly and squeezed her hand. 

“Have fun out there.” 

“Yeah right,” she groaned. 

“What would you like?” 

“An Old-Fashioned, please.”

“I’ll have two waiting.” 

“You’re seriously my favorite person on the planet.” 

“I’m right here,” Anya rolled her eyes. 

“Did you offer to get me a cocktail?”

“Quite the bar I’ve set,” Clarke grinned before kissing her once more and pushing her gently toward the carpet again. 

For just a moment, Lexa watched Clarke head inside. She cocked her head to the side and wondered how in the world she got this lucky. She also wanted to desperately know how the lingerie she’d bought looked. Both the same thoughts, she decided before Anya gave her a stern look and a nudge of her head. Clarke accepted the arm of someone Lexa had worked with before, happy to accompany them inside and have an assist up the steps. She didn’t turn around, but that didn’t stop Lexa from looking. 

Interviewing was something she slowly took to enjoying. It was hard for her to sometimes talk about herself, but she was really good at talking about things she was passionate about. Most of her films, she was passionate about, even the super hero ones. Still, she wanted to be in the bar.  

“And is there any wedding bells in the future for you?” the reporter grinned. 

Yes, she desperately wanted to be at the bar. 

“Ah, well,” Lexa cleared her throat and adjust the cuffs on her shirt. She hadn’t anticipated a movie about a brutal divorce to really bring those kind of questions. 

“Bashful, are you? Don’t worry, I think your girlfriend is already inside.” 

That certainly didn’t help. Clarke was the worst fan of them all.

“I plan on only doing it once, and so I’m taking my time. Not rushing it. I honestly don’t know what will happen, I’m just so excited to be able to make movies like this, to travel, to be surrounded by so much goodness in my life.”

“An almost answer,” the reporter grinned. 

He went on to talk more about the film, which Lexa was grateful for, but the question stuck in her brain as she found her girlfriend inside, content with regaling a small table of A-list actors and actresses about their recent disaster of a trip to San Francisco. Lexa slid up beside her and placed her arm on the small of her back, rubbing there as Clarke grinned at her before reaching the punchline of Lexa being chased through the mall, but having a great time, smiling for the cameras. 

“It was an island,” Clarke laughed. “She wasn’t going anywhere.”

“Alcatraz was a prison of my worst nightmares,” Lexa groaned. “Why did we get stuck on the same tour time as like the entire senior trip for a dozen high schools?”

“That’s rotten luck,” Gus laughed, slapping Lexa’s shoulder. 

“I mean, I had a great time. All of the tour was quiet because they were chasing Lexa, so I got a personal tour of Alcatraz.” 

“The perks of dating Lexa Woods abound.” 

XXXXXXXXXX

“This isn’t the way home,” Lexa furrowed as she saw Bellamy pull off onto a weird street. 

“We have to make a pitstop,” Clarke informed her, rubbing her feet. 

“Ugh, can’t we just go home?” 

There was lingerie and high heels an Lexa was buzzed just enough to be that perfect level of horny and eager. But there was always a time limit on such things. She was chasing it to hold onto. 

“It won’t take long,” her girlfriend shook her head before angling her body so Lexa could rub her feet. “If you want me in heels all night, I might need some help.” 

That made Lexa smile as she tenderly rubbed, earning the first of hopefully many more delicious moans. 

She absently watched the dark outside pass by with no real guide marks as to where they were going. Occasionally the soft music was interrupted by a quiet mewl from her girlfriend. Lexa rubbed her ankles and smiled to herself. She had danced quite a bit at the after party, and it was a sight to see. 

“I’ll swing back around shortly,” Bellamy promised as he pulled up to an almost familiar driveway. 

“This is…” Lexa moved her head to see it better. “This is the house.” 

“Are you going to show me around or what?” Clarke insisted, slipping her heels back on. 

The bungalow was perfect, tall trees surrounding it with plants everywhere. Lexa dug the key out of the box and opened the door, giving it a little nudge with her shoulder because it stuck slightly. She smiled sheepishly. It wasn’t actually hers yet. Or theirs, rather. She'd had the offer accepted but hadn’t done the paperwork. She had to get the okay from her girlfriend first. She had to show her that it was for both of them and their new life. She never expected Clarke to be upset about it. Of course, she hadn’t thought it through and that perhaps a multi-million dollar house was a big purchase to make on her own. But this place was perfect-- a mid-century dream with so much potential. 

Lexa watched Clarke look around it, nodding as she ran her hand along a banister. 

“What do you think?” 

“Well, I think your couch is too big, so you might need to get new furniture.” 

“We,” Lexa corrected.

“Right,” Clarke smiled thoughtfully. 

Lexa followed her toward the kitchen. There was a sparse amount of staged furniture, and none of it much to her liking. She hoped it wouldn’t be held against her. She had the vision though. A full renovation and touch up, to make it theirs. 

“This is nice,” she looked up at the skylights. 

“In the daylight it’s amazing.” 

“The tile is a little dated.” 

“Good bones. I like the space. We get to personalize it however we want.” 

Again, Clarke nodded, opening a cabinet here and there. She turned the faucet on and nodded a little more appreciatively. 

“I can’t afford this place,” she admitted. “Even with the paintings I’ve sold, and the show last month…”

“I don’t care.” 

“I do.” 

“What can you contribute then?” 

“I don’t know, less than 1%. This is a seven million dollar home, Lex. And new furniture and paint and whatever work we’d have to do…” 

“Then you contribute what you can, what you’re comfortable with. We agreed on proportionality. You know this. Forget the numbers. Forget everything else.” Lexa stood before her girlfriend, wrapped her arms around her waist and kissed her neck softly with a smile. “Just you and me here. There’s a garage for your studio. There’s a pool. There’s a very big tub I think you’ll like.” 

“Well…” 

“Clarke, I want to start a life with you. We’ve been all over the world in the past few years, and I love coming home, but I also hate that there’s people there. I hate that it’s so close to traffic. I hate that it feels like my place. I want us to build this place. Together.”

Without agreeing or acknowledging the sentiment, Clarke nodded again and pulled away only slightly to keep moving through the house. Lexa just watched it happen, watched her girlfriend fall in love as she had, despite her unwillingness to admit it. 

“I like the shelving. Would you keep it?” 

“Would we keep it?” 

Clarke gave her a look which Lexa returned a shrug. 

“This would clearly be your office. I’m not going to tell you what to do.” 

“I like it too. I was thinking maybe that one painting you did that I like, the one you did last year, the green one, right here.” With a quick move, Lexa motioned toward one area. “And, uh, you know… like my Oscar right here.” 

“Where’s the second one going to go?” 

Lexa rubbed the back of her neck and smiled bashfully. 

“I don’t know, beside the bed, probably.” 

“I’m okay with that. I like the windows. They’re huge. Good light?” 

“Amazing. We’ll have to come back during the day… if you want.” 

Clarke stopped moving and furrowed as she thought. Her eyes moved around though, eager to feel everything. 

“It’s always been hard for me, to not be able to contribute as much as you do.” 

“You’re going to have to get over that. I have more money than I deserve. I don’t want to fight about it. Are you with me for my money, Clarke?” 

“What? God no!” she insisted, balking at the idea bitterly. 

“Do you tell me not to spend it on stupid stuff?” 

“Well, yeah, you wanted to buy a snow mobile--”

“Do you ever think about what you can get me to buy you? Do you ever ask for anything?” 

“I mean… I do like when you buy me lingerie. That’s kind of hot.” 

Lexa hid her smile because she was making a point. 

“I won’t buy this house without you. I want this to be our home. I want to come in at six in the morning and crawl into our bed where you yell at me for leaving my shoes sprawled across the hallway.” 

“You just have to move them to the side so I don’t trip over them.” 

“I want to cook for you and close up the doors and pretend no one can find us. I want to read and write in this office. I want to fall asleep in the sunlight with a book over my face. I want our pictures on the walls. This place feels like us. My place feels like… I don’t know…. Who I was eight years ago.” 

Clarke crossed her arms over her chest and thought about it, taking a deep breath as she processed. Lexa held her own, afraid of the answer, because if Clarke said no, it would feel like they weren’t where she thought they were, and that might have been devastating. 

“I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it, but I want all of that, too,” Clarke promised. 

“Then let me give it to you. It’s purely selfish of me to buy this place. I’m so deeply in love with you, I want to build a life together.” 

“That is insanely selfish.” 

“I know.” 

“Can I be just as selfish?” Clarke wondered, her voice quiet as Lexa stood closer than before. “Would you think badly of me if all I wanted was to live here with you?” 

“I’d think you weren’t selfish at all, but maybe a bit in love with me.” 

“Well, that’s already been decided, unfortunately.” 

“I know. To be in love with someone so dashing and lovely.” 

The pair stood, toe to toe in what would become the office. Neither said much, neither moved. 

“Let’s do it,” Clarke decided.

Lexa smiled so wide it hurt her cheeks as she scooped up her girlfriend quickly, swinging her around and earning a fit of giggles. Arms constricted around her neck as she laughed into Clarke’s. She was doing it the right way, at their speed, at the right time. This was who she wanted to be, and for the first time, she had the thought that this was what her future could actually be.

NEXT

[amjustagirl]

castles in the air: chapter 6 

chapters: one.// two.// three.// four.// five.// six.// seven.// eight.// nine.// ten.//

pairing: kuroo tetsuro x f! reader 

genre: uni romantic dramedy, angst, fluff 

wc: 4.6k

summary: kuroo is your pain in the ass classmate. nothing more. really.

a/n: the long awaited confrontation with kuroo....

Kuroo Tetsuro is many things. 

A good son and grandson, filial to a fault. A model student with top grades, one all the teachers and professors love. A solid middle blocker, someone his team can look to if things get tough. A steady friend, loyal and true even if he has a predisposition to snark and make dad jokes, and nag - a habit he’s picked up from his grandma. 

But in this instance, he knows above all he’s an unmitigated asshole. 

He can’t blame the alcohol for his actions, even though it runs heavy through his veins, a poisonous fog that eats his mind. He can’t even blame Sato, let alone his teammates for egging him on, to ask you out for a stupid bet, for a stupid game played with an empty bottle, meant to promote fun but only led to tears instead (both his and yours, as it turns out). It was his decision to open that door whan Sato shouted that dare at him, his decision to do something as cliched as kabedon you in full view of leers and stares, his decision to ask you out on a date, all the while justifying it to himself as something done in good fun. Surely you’ll understand, it’s just for laughs, you’re a good friend after all - 

It turns out that he’s also a fool for taking your friendship for granted.  

He watches, almost too drunk to react as you slap him before shoving him away. He’s stunned for a second by the pain, reeling from the sharp crack that explodes like a starburst across his face, but recovers fast enough to slur a plea for you not to be rash. As if the fault of your broken friendship can be laid at your door. You refuse to take his weak apologies from him because you have your pride, no matter how he might have wrestled you for it. But for a brief moment, he sees it - the soft vulnerability you refuse to show anyone (except maybe him in stolen snippets of seconds) and he knows immediately he’s fucked up. 

There’s no joke, no punchline to be told when you ask him why he isn’t laughing. Even his teammates are uncharacteristically silent when he returns to the room, a chastened man. 

“She’s just a frigid bitch, man. Don’t take it to heart.” 

Sato’s lucky he’s too drunk to walk straight, because if he were sober, both of them would’ve been kicked off the team for brawling. “Shut up”, he snarls, before proceeding to drink his body weight in liquor, awaking with the world’s worst hangover in a century. 

The gravity of what he’s just done hits him like a bag of bricks to his front teeth.  

“Fuck”, he curses, scrambling to your door even though it’s already eleven, way past the time you and he were supposed to meet to take the bus back home for the holidays. You already packed titbits for his grandparents, beef jerky that his grandfather adores, almost as much as they both love you - so he knows you’re gone when he trips over a package of familiarly wrapped beef jerky laid at his door. Your door is open, the room hollow, empty, just like the realisation that hits him that he’s fucked up, big time. 

Apologies are just words, and words are cheap but he makes them anyway. Text after text, call after call. His phone is heavy from the unread messages he’s left you but you don’t respond. At least you don’t block him because his calls go through, even if you never pick up.

Maybe it’s better you don’t pick up, because what can he say to you anyway? I’m sorry? An apology is always a good start. Please forgive me? Your forgiveness is lost, he’s not sure how he can ask for it back. Please, continue being my friend? It’s through his actions that your friendship is broken, smashed on the ground in a million pieces - he could spend eons glueing it back together but it still wouldn’t fix things, would it? 

Kenma notices straightaway that he isn’t his usual self when he turns up at his house, eyes narrowing when he’s content to sit in a corner to read manga instead of heading out to play volleyball with him, a good cover for his moping. The bed thumps when Kenma prods his shoulder with the corner of his switch, an unspoken question why he’s so down. 

“It’s nothing”, he says, hoping Kenma will leave him alone the way he always grumbles others should leave him alone, but it’s his fault for choosing a gremlin for a best friend, because Kenma, that hypocrite, just purses his lips, prods him again stubbornly. 

“Why d’you look like your favourite game got taken away from you? 

Trust Kenma to reduce everything to his all-encompassing love for video games. He probably gives some half arsed answer that Kenma’s definitely convinced by, but he drops his sullenness long enough to go out for a pick-up game with the remnants of his Nekoma team, sans Yaku who’s already made his way to Russia, hopefully freezing his butt off. Questions come to both his and Kai’s way from his juniors when they take a water break, anxious about the next leap forward in life. 

“How’s university? Are classes hard?” Shibayama, studious as ever. 

“Are the professors tough? I was thinking about taking a course in childhood education, it seems fun.” That would suit amiable, pleasant Inuoka.  

“Do you have girlfriends? Are they cute, uni girls? What about the pretty girl you met at Fukunaga’s aunt’s izakaya?” Tora asks, heart still smarting from the painful choice he made to go pro instead of chasing pretty girls in university. 

From the tepid response he provides that reveals he hasn’t seen you around in a while and the subtle shift in Kenma posture, he knows Kenma’s cottoned on to the cause of his poor mood immediately. 

Damn those sharp eyed setter types. 

“So”, Kenma slouches against his bedroom door after dinner, when the rest of the team bid them goodbye, breaking off for their respective homes. His casual posture betrays nothing about the fact that he’s about to go for the jugular. “What happened? Did you not play dating sim games for practice like I suggested?”

“Fuck off”, he replies without heat, tossing a manga at Kenma who catches it deftly out of the air. “Nothing happened.” 

Kenma sniffs as if to say yeah, right. He perches on the bed, eyeing him. Kuroo wonders if this is how a rat cornered by a cat feels, waiting for the predator to make the first move. He’s too weary to play these games and sighs as if to say fine, you win this time. Kenma gives a half nod as if to say carry on then, and Kuroo rolls his eyes as if to say if you insist. It sounds worse when he’s recounting the night’s events to Kenma, the ugliness of his actions clearer in the glare of daylight. But the younger boy doesn’t say anything until he finishes his sorry tale. 

“I told you to play some dating sims.” 

Kuroo twitches with annoyance. “I’m not - we’re not - we’re just friends, for god’s sake, Kenma! I asked her out on a dare because I was drunk, not because I like her or anything. She’s - you’ve seen her. She’s prickly. She’s cranky. She scolds me all the time. Why would a guy in his right mind want to actually ask her out?” 

Kenma watches him with beady eyes. “I see”, he says, but Kuroo doesn’t see what he sees, doesn’t understand the slight purse of his lips, the slight crease in the space between his brows. 

“If you have something to say, spit it out.” 

A shrug of shoulders is all he gets from his best friend before he curls up against the bed. “I’ve got nothing to say. It’s for you to figure out”, Kenma says eventually.

“Nothing to say after I spill my guts out? Seriously, Kenma.” 

“You really should’ve played some dating sims.”

“Kenma! What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“It means you should’ve played dating sims.” 

“Kenma!” 

His grandparents, especially his obaa-chan, don’t help matters by constantly bringing you up. For some reason you’ve wormed your way into their hearts, and they keep mentioning you with fondness, asking him why he doesn’t bring you over during the break. They don’t buy his excuses that you’re busy with your internship (that you were so happy and excited to get, that when you heard the news, you actually squealed and leapt into his arms), because there are weekends, aren’t there - they argue, and he’s finally pushed to the corner to admit that you likely don’t want to be friends anymore. 

He doesn’t know that he could feel this small by disappointing his grandparents since he tried running away from home in defiance of yet another botched attempt at taming his hair. 

“You need to apologise to that poor girl for whatever you’ve done”, his grandma clucks disapprovingly, waving a wooden spoon a little too threateningly at him. He’s reminded of his first meeting when you stabbed him with his fork and that memory lingers, tinged with sour regret. 

“I’ve tried. She’s not taking my calls.” 

His grandad shakes his head. “You can’t just let her slip through your fingers. You don’t meet a girl like that in every dynasty.” 

Kuroo stares at him in disbelief. “Did you - did you just quote a disney movie at me?” 

At least his grandad has the decency to look abashed, even though he mumbles some excuse that those movies were all Kuroo wanted to watch as a kid. He’s always known that’s where he inherited his love for bad jokes from. 

“Don’t run away from my question.” He’s forgotten the tap of a wooden spoon against his knuckles, and it’s amazing how quickly the old lady can move despite her advanced age. “When are you going to apologise to that lovely girl properly? Bring her flowers or something - how about chocolates! Isn’t White Day coming? You Oji-san has a box of chocolates that he thought he was being romantic when he bought it but does it look like these old dentures can chew through hard candy anymore?”

“I can buy chocolates myself, obaa-chan”, Kuroo says. “Though - even if she’s willing to see me, I’m not going to give it to her during White Day. That’ll suggest I’m interested in her -” 

His grandma looks as if she’d like to clobber him over the head with the entire frying pan. 

“You’re not? When am I ever going to get great grandchildren at this rate?” she laments. 

“You’re better off asking nee-san for them. Besides, why does everyone think we had something going on”, he grouses, stealing around her to steal a corner of the katsudon she’s frying. “I’m not interested in dating. It’s too much work, and it’s not like she’s interested - ”

 His grandma turns to his granddad, hands on hips. “It’s your fault he turned out like you!” 

“Hey, at least I ended up asking you out after I realised that your way of flirting was by insulting me -” 

“I held your hand -” 

“In my defense, I thought you were going to attack me -” 

He’s not sure he can take anymore of his grandparents’ flirtation with each other. “I’ll go find Kenma, see you tonight”, he mutters, before disappearing from the kitchen, the sound of his grandparents bickering fading away. Just fantastic - the one day a week he has free from volleyball training, he gets cornered by his grandparents to be grilled about his non-existent love life. 

It’s not that he falls into the cliche of a child of divorce being traumatised by his parents’ split. He might have been devastated as a child when the loud arguments devolved into a frigid silence, precipitated by his mother’s departure, but he sees it logically now - or at least he hopes he does - as his parents just not being right for each other. Therefore, the lesson to be derived from their situation is to be careful about who he chooses to enter into a relationship with - and you - well, on a good day you fight, you bicker, you insult him with vim and verve. A relationship with you would be volatile, unhappy - or so he thinks. 

Your role in his life was simply that of a friend - one like Kenma, like Kai, like Yaku - only you happen to be a girl. 

A friend who he accompanies on thrice weekly morning runs - he justifies it on the grounds that he doesn’t want a friend of his getting hurt on his watch. A friend who he has dinners with, who allows him to crash her room - he justifies it on the grounds that he does the same with Kenma too. A friend who takes care of his grandparents both during and after his matches, a friend who brings his victory charms, cheers loudly whenever he scores. A friend who’s whip-smart and bitingly funny, who’s soft-hearted behind a hard exterior. A friend who’s actually kind of pretty - but that comes with you being a girl, and not a guy like most of his high school friends or university teammates, all curves and enticing dips when you willingly don something other than hoodies and pyjamas. 

You’re just a friend.

Do you call your other friends princess? A voice in his head that sounds disturbingly like Kenma asks him, when he’s lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. 

Of course not. Yaku would throttle him. Kai would just look pleasantly confused. So, no?

So what makes her different? He definitely needs to examine why his inner voice has adopted the persona of a gaming gremlin. 

Nothing. I call her that because it irritates her. 

Liar, liar pants on fire. 

He buries his head between his pillows in an attempt to drown out his noisy brain. Besides, since when did Yamamoto decide to climb into his head to join in on the fun?

For all his protestations, his jaw hinges open when he sees you walk into class on the first day of school. 

“H-hi.”

That’s all he manages to stammer, barely able to form words because - well - because when did you ever turn up in class in anything but a shapeless hoodie that bears a startling resemblance to a potato sack? You’re - fuck - he always knew you were kind of pretty, seen you in running tights but this is different - this is - you’re wearing a skirt that flutters around your knees, a blouse that shows off your collarbones.   

(the only other time he got such a shock was when Kenma decided to mimic a pudding cup) 

“Kuroo-san”, you dip your head to him, stiffly polite. The prepared speech of apology he memorised promptly flies out of his head, never to be heard from again. 

“D’you think we could talk?” He is most definitely stalling so his brain can reboot. 

You respond predictably, just like how you’ve responded to his calls and texts over the break - by ignoring him, but he moves faster than he thinks to grab your wrist, arrest any move you make to flee from him. 

“Let me go”, you hiss, eyes darting at the stream of students entering the lecture hall, all looking at you both curiously. 

“Let’s talk after class”, he insists, tugging you into the seat beside him. Even if he suspects you acquiesce because you’re afraid of making a bigger scene, it’s a win for him because he’s gotten what he wants - the opportunity to apologise sincerely and fix this broken friendship of yours. Never mind that you refuse to look his way the entire lecture. Never mind that you angle your laptop away so he can’t make snarky remarks about your note taking as he usually does. 

What matters is that he gets to apologise to you. 

So he gallantly waits until you’re done peppering the professor with questions, dogs your footsteps as you sweep your things into your bag, walks you to a quiet stairwell, light filtering in through narrow air wells. “How about ramen for lunch?” he suggests, disappointed when you take a step back, shaking your head no. 

“Let’s just quickly talk now. I’m busy”, you say, curt and sharp. 

“Right.” He says quickly, trying to regroup. “Um - look, so I wanted to apologise for - well.” He runs his hand through his hair, already frustrated with himself, not least his past self. “I wanted to apologise for what I did that night. It wasn’t right to ask you out on a dare, and I’m not going to make the excuse that I was drunk. I shouldn’t have done it, I hurt you, and I apologise.” 

Your expression shutters. The light in the stairwell suddenly dims, turns almost sallow. 

“It’s okay”, you reply. 

That’s all? That can’t be all. Where’s the explosion he braced for, the eruption of rage that he’ll gladly stand in front of, take the full brunt of your anger if it means you’ll go back to what he had with you before. He’d prefer for you to scream at him, hit him with your bag, break a slate over his head like your favourite heroine but you just look - not at him, but through him.   

“I’m surprised you’re not throwing something at my head”, he tries to joke. “It’s a one-time offer, if you'd like to take it up.” 

“No thanks”, you answer carelessly. “Is that all?” 

“Will we - ” he’s grasping at straws here, in wholly unchartered territory with you. “D’you still want to work together on our projects this semester? We did sign up for classes together, so I was hoping - well, I always thought we made a great team.” 

You’re about to shoot him down, deservedly so - and if this is the last time he’ll get to talk to you, he hurriedly tacks on before you can reply - “And congrats on topping the class by the way. It’s well deserved. If we continue working together, I’m sure you’ll continue doing well. Why don’t you consider it?” 

“Thanks”, you say, frowning slightly, looking confused.  “Um. Yeah. I guess it’s logical to partner up.”

“Yeah?” He does a very unsubtle double take. He’ll take that as a win. “Y-yeah, great! I look forward to working again with you, partner.”

“Yep”, you nod, a curt dismissal. “See you around, I guess.” 

“Seeya”, he’s left saying to an empty stairwell. 

As awkward as that apology might have been, he still harbours hope that the frostiness from you, a whole ice glacier, large enough to sink the titanic, will eventually thaw and melt away. It’s spring after all, the season for new beginnings, flowers breaking through snow, green buds blooming on weathered trees, but his hopes are dashed like petals trampled beneath careless feet when you keep him at a careful arm’s distance. 

You’re so painfully polite, using honorifics on him instead of insults - he never thought he’d see the day he missed being called rude names like rooster head or smarmy prick. You sit, legs primly crossed whenever he’s around, so different from the past you he used to know, always curling up in your hoodie behind your laptop, flopping boneless on your bed. There are no late night ramen dinners, no ice cream runs, not when you turn each and every one of his invitations down. 

“I owe you ramen”, he tries again, undeterred by the endless stream of rejections. He plays his final trump card, tries to target your soft spot for food.  

But you glance at the book in his hand and stiffen. “It was just a joke. I’m not collecting on that bet.” 

“I cried over it like a baby”, he tells you. “Just like you said. So you win the bet and I’ll buy you all the ramen you want - “ 

“I’m busy.” You snatch the book out of his hand, cradling it to your chest. “Buy yourself ramen. Go out with your friends, don’t bother me.”

“Wait - you’re my friend too -” You’re gone before he can even complete his sentence. 

There aren’t any study sessions either. You keep your project meetings as brief and coolly efficient as possible, rebuffing him when he tries to follow you to the library, making up excuses that you’re meeting up with another circle of friends. What friends - he wants to ask - last term, there was only me and your library friends and maybe the cranky ramen shop owner - 

Well apparently, while his back was turned, you’ve turned into everyone’s princess. 

There’s a smile on your face when the juniors approach you for help - he hears that you were recruited by the professors to assist with introductory lectures, and you’re running your own circuit of tutorials to help the younger ones with the transition from high school to university. He can barely piece together his past image of grumpy, scowling you with the pleasant face you’ve put on these days. You don’t glare at your classmates who approach you anymore. Instead you answer their questions patiently, your fears about the transactionality of such relationships all but forgotten. 

He’s not alone in noticing the change in you. Sato, for some reason, leers at you behind your back and makes the off-colour remark during practice that - “Maybe you should’ve asked her out for real. The ice princess suddenly isn’t so high and mighty anymore - plus, have you seen her tits - ”

“Shut the fuck up”, Kuroo snaps beneath his breath, turning away before Sato can register his insolence. 

Even Akaashi Keiji seems to be friends with you. He’s the new kouhai he was telling you about previously, getting into Waseda on the merit of his grades, but the coaches were beyond thrilled to add Fukurodani’s former captain and setter onto their rosters. His sets are careful, considerate, well thought out - like the guy himself, and with your shared love for literature, he thought you two might be fast friends. 

Well, he was right and also quite, quite wrong. 

“How d’you know her?” He asks, when he catches a glimpse of you waving a bright hello at Akaashi, a sudden burst of sunlight through grey, gloomy skies. Akaashi’s a literature major, the arts building located far, far away from the business school’s enclosures, so there’s no reason for your paths to cross. 

The younger boy doesn’t even look up from his notes, busy reading them on the walk over to practise. “She asked me out”, he says, off-handedly. 

“On a date?” Kuroo echoes, astounded. You - you and Akaashi Keiji?! 

“Yeah”, Akaashi replies distractedly, doesn’t notice how Kuroo splutters and nearly drops his backpack from shock. 

“How - how do you know her?” 

Akaashi shrugs. “We work at the same bookstore on the weekends. She took me out for ice cream, though I pointed out that it doesn’t make sense to eat ice cream when it’s winter. She’s nice though. ”

That revelation sends him into yet another tailspin, but he’s unable to question Akaashi more when they enter the doors to the training center, nor is he able to corner him after practice, not when Sato cuffs him over the head and forces him to leave the new juniors to clear up instead. 

There is no easy way to approach this, but to just ask Akaashi or you directly if you’re dating, as if he’s one of those gossipy aunties he hates, because they cluck at him for being adorable while pitying him behind his back for not having a mother (he does, they should all shut up), but it eats away at him, a  sour taste that pools in the cavern of his mouth, a poison beneath his tongue. 

“I didn’t know you had a thing for older women”, he says slyly when he gets the chance to corner Akaashi again. But the setter only peers at him so closely that it makes him wonder if he’s got something tattooed to his forehead. 

“I...don’t?” 

The confusion clears up when Kuroo mutters that you are obviously older than him. 

“Ah. Her.”

He’s suddenly developed an allergy to setters and their reticence to spit out the truth. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Akaashi fiddles with his fingers, cheeks flaring the lightest shade of pink. “It was very… flattering that she asked me out. But I think for some reason, despite our many similarities, she and I are - how should I put it - not well suited for each other. She’s kind and nice but I think we’re better off as friends.”

An inexplicable tsunami of relief sweeps over him, leaving him belly-up, exposed on the beach to Akaashi’s too-sharp gaze. Suddenly, it’s the setter who’s on the hunt, sweeping in like a damn crow to secure the kill. 

“Are you interested in her, Kuroo-san?” 

“Me?” he coughs, seawater in his lungs. “Absolutely not.” 

Akaashi’s eyes don’t stop gleaming. “Curiouser and curiouser”, he remarks softly. 

He curses all these setters in cahoots with each other when he gets a call from Kenma. He doesn’t even bother saying hello, no pleasantries needed when he’s found something to needle his best friend with. 

“I thought I told you to play some dating sims? Even Akaashi’s doing better than you.” 

“Kenma!” 

There’s no need for him to play dating sims - what absolute fiddlesticks. 

He’s - he’s not interested in you in that way, he just doesn’t want this polite veneer that you present him with. He wants to return to last semester when you laugh and snarl and bicker with gleeful abandon, not the measured little smiles that hide every thought running through that quick brain of yours. He wants an open invite into your bedroom again, to be cloistered by your trashy romance novels, sprawled on your bed like a housecat. He wants to go out for buttery, rich bowls of ramen with you, smear ice cream on your nose just so he can wipe it off. He wants to watch the night tip into dawn with you by his side, pound the pavements beneath Tokyo’s ever changing skies - clear, cloudy, everything in between. 

“You’re smart, Kuroo”, Kenma says. “I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out yet.”

What’s there to figure out? 

He enjoys hanging out with you because he finds it amusing when you’re unabashedly cranky. He admires how smart you are, how you refuse to rest on your laurels, decimating everyone in your path with a killer work ethic. He loves how soft you are, to those you care about (including him, before he fucked things up), attentive to the grandpa at the ramen store, kind and caring to his grandparents, always considerate of your parents’ and younger brother’s needs. 

(not to mention he’s realised that you’re actually quite pretty. Long haired and pretty smiles and lush curves and fuck - ) 

“Oh.” 

That’s all he can say, the heart pounding realisation that he - he likes you - making his head swim. 

“That took you long enough”, Kenma notes, almost bored. The sound of tinny game music filters through the speakers. “I mean, it’s not like I’ve ever heard you talk about Kai or Yaku or heaven forbid - myself - like that - please don’t by the way.”

“I like her”, Kuroo confesses, a little needlessly from the lack of surprise expressed by his best friend. 

“Cool”, Kenma replies. “So, are you gonna take my advice and play dating sims yet?”  

Kuroo wishes he had those old fashioned phones that he could slam into the receiver, but he makes do by jamming his thumb to hang up on his gremlin best friend who has the temerity to chuckle dryly at him. 

Damnit. Kenma’s right as usual. But definitely not about those fucking dating sims. Nope. 

The next thought - what’s he gonna do about it? 

m.list.~ taglist.~

a/n: so...what next, kuroo? 

[shamebats]

Re-watched Ancestry (S1 E10) and...this will be long.

The way the episode begins with Guillermo talking about loneliness, followed by Nandor talking about the time his wives and children all left him feels very intentional.

Guillermo sees vampirism as a way out of loneliness because then he won't have to be awake during the anymore, when the other are asleep. He acknowledges that he could have friends if he had a normal human life, "but the heart wants what the heart wants".

Meanwhile, Nandor lost his family because of vampirism.

During that episode, Guillermo is also struggling with the realization that he could be a danger to the vampires and Nandor does pick up on it. When Guillermo's helping him get ready for coffin, it's obvious that he can tell something is off.

Then there's Nandor's little speech when he's in the coffin. He chastises Guillermo for the holy water incident and sentences him to 2 more years as his familiar, but he doesn't really look or sound that angry. He looks more...worried? unsure? after he says it, when he's waiting for Guillermo's reaction.

It's almost like he uses demerits to keep Guillermo around for longer without actually having to turn him, so this was a foreshadowing to the confession in S3 that he sees vampirism as a curse and that's why he won't turn Guillermo.

There's also something else, I feel like this might've been the first time Nandor tested Guillermo by intentionally provoking him just to see what he'd do. Maybe he's trying to assess whether Guillermo could be a danger to him.

There's a certain power to being a familiar and vampires must realize this. The trust has to go both ways. Familiars have to be aware of every weakness, everything that could possibly harm their masters. As a consequence, they also know exactly how to kill vampires.

When you think about it, there are few things more dangerous to a vampire than a disgruntled familiar when all it takes to kill them is an open curtain or a wooden stake.

I wonder if Nandor was at this point already getting worried that Guillermo might be starting to lose his patience and if he was also having some suspicion that he might be a vampire killer, that could potentially become very dangerous for Nandor. Maybe he'd already started worrying that it might already be time to get rid of Guillermo. Of course, we now know why he wasn't exactly eager to rush it and why he might've preferred to go the cognitive dissonance route.

Overall it's just such a serious episode, really justifies the "dramedy" label for the show.

As a side note: I loved the bit when they showed footage of Gregor Jesk at the gas station when he's on the run but made it look like it was taken from some kid's IG story. Very creative.

[orange-waterfalls]

Unnecessary Feelings

The Host x gn!reader

ty anon for the request

A/N: BRO. Bro. Bro I. I am so proud of this one don’t even look at me. Also happy spooky month! Might do something with that, idk though. This is more of another character study with the Host, I’ll be honest. I still think it’s pretty cute, though. I didn’t read back through this, lmk about any mistakes. Enjoy!

Word Count: 2.4k

Unnecessary Feelings

Host isn’t particularly looking for a relationship, of any sort. Not necessarily. It would be nice, but it isn’t at the forefront of his mind. It’s not that important. Change is weird. He’s been in his same office, writing the same kind of stories, with the same kind of people. That’s fine. He likes that. He likes his novels, his protagonists, and his office.

He explained all of these things to Wilford and Darkiplier, but neither was having it. That’s how he ended up staying at the manor for a while, while his place was being “renovated”. He didn’t know how much he trusted Wilford to “renovate” correctly. 

Wilford likes pink. A lot. Host doesn’t. He can't see it, but he knows it. Pink was loud. Pink smelled like raspberries and icing and cherry blossoms and shrimp. It sounded like fair music and joyful screaming and chalk scraping on the ground. It felt smooth and soft and squishy. It tasted like sugar, sugar, sugar, too much to be healthy. Pink made his brain hurt. He doesn’t like pink. Wilford likes pink. Wilford… Wilford fucking loves pink. And Wilford will say it’s pink, and Host will know it’s pink, and even though he can’t see it, he’ll be upset that it’s pink. He doesn’t like pink. He doesn’t know how to say it. So he doesn’t. And he copes.

He takes the opportunity to talk to the others staying at the manor, which was pretty much just Dr. Iplier and… you. Dr. Iplier was a… reasonable man. He was boring. Very boring, really. He directed every conversation to discuss your health or a weird patient he had recently, neither of which really interested the Host. He didn’t enjoy talking to Dr. Iplier too much. 

You, however…

Were also kind of boring?

Well, you mostly just wandered around, reading, cleaning, sleeping, not doing much else. He didn’t initiate conversation and neither did you. If you sat next to him on the couch and he sat a little straighter and breathed a little faster, that was simply a coincidence. And the urge to talk to you about his novel for hours was simply boredom. And the desire to listen to you talk for hours was… it was none of your goddamn business is what it was. He didn’t like you, but he didn’t dislike you either. He felt nothing. You made him feel nothing. This didn’t mean anything.

Really. 

It didn’t.

But, entirely too fast, Dark and Wil were done. Or rather, whoever they hired was done. Which was good. Host bid you two goodbye. Dr. Iplier told him to drink plenty of water but not too much, and you told him you’d keep an eye out for his newest novel. He felt like he should be blushing right now, he felt it in his face. Nobody commented, so he assumed he didn’t. He felt a thing happen in his chest as he looked at the two of you. 

He didn’t like either of you, and if he kept telling himself that, maybe it would come true.

He received a new office. It was much cleaner and brighter, and he actually had room to think. There was an espresso machine in the corner atop a pink table, a “dandelion” yellow couch next to it, a pastel pink desk against the opposite wall, and a few “motivational” posters on the baby blue walls. At least from what he’d heard. Wilford did his best to explain the room. He appreciated that the walls were not, in fact, pink like he expected.

He had to walk around a few times, keep track of his steps, and get used to the new layout. It’s a good room. Clean. No nails sticking out of the floor, no rats scurrying around, no cobwebs, no holes, no nothing. Clean and quiet. Clean. And. Quiet.

… 

He fucking hates the goddamn room.

Who likes silence? Who enjoys that? Who wants to be stuck in a suffocatingly clean office with nothing but their thoughts for hours at a time? Homicidal people, that’s who.

Ignore the fact that he has homicidal tendencies and has almost killed/has killed several people, that doesn’t matter right now.

He can just sit and deal. He can take the office, try to coax the rats into coming back, buy some spiders, and write. No big deal.

Except what if he didn’t deal? What if he told them he hated it and couldn’t work in these conditions? What if he was forced to stay at the manor again? What if he could… talk… and interact with people? Without anything barring him from doing so?

He’s… not lonely. 

He’s not lonely. 

He’s not.

But if he stays in the manor again while Wilford talks about how he has no taste and Darkiplier decides to be in charge of the renovation now, that’s not his fault.

Bim, Eric, and you were staying at the manor when he had to. For the second time. Bim had a thing for rom-coms and dramedy movies, and Eric had started to pick that thing up. You and Host also watched the movies, but whether you actually liked them was beyond him. Usually, you made fun of them together. He couldn’t see them, but he could hear a lot of the ridiculous dialogue. He could drop two random people in a closed-off room together and they’d have more chemistry than half of these Hallmark Christmas Movie couples. You were very quiet during “To All The Boys I Loved Before”, however, so either you loved it or you hated it. He couldn’t really tell.

You two talked a little less than before, you being preoccupied with Eric. Host was fine with that. He could just… talk to you whenever you were done. But you apparently had a low social battery and trapped yourself in a room whenever you were done talking to Eric. That was fine. Host didn’t need to be happy anyways. 

He may or may not have showed up at your door first thing in the morning sometimes to get the chance to talk to you. You didn’t know, so it was fine.

But Eric and Bim were smart. They picked up on the Host’s… “feelings” and desire to talk to you. If either were in a room with you and Host, they immediately left so that you could talk. It worked, and Host was happy, but he felt kind of bad.

No. No he didn’t. He felt no emotion towards anyone or anything. The suit he bought for Bim and the journal he bought for Eric meant absolutely nothing. It was a business transaction. You can’t prove anything.

Somehow quicker than before, the room was fixed. Again. And you, Eric, and Bim saw him off. Eric’s voice sounded wet and Bim sounded a little sad as well. You sounded… fine. But he had a suspicion that you knew you were going to see him again soon. And Host was not upset, of course not. And if he was thankful his eyes weren’t exactly working properly because otherwise he might have shed a few tears, it was completely unrelated. You can’t prove anything.

The new room was completely black and white. Black laptop and a white desk with a black chair. White walls and a black floor. A white couch against the wall. No espresso machine this time, which slightly disappointed the Host. 

Darkiplier sounded proud when he explained the room. Host could see why, it sounded very pretty. Which he tried to say when he turned to Darkiplier. But his traitorous mouth instead said:

“Host asks if this room is meant for the Host or you?”

The Host was teleported back to the manor this time. Wilford was standing out in front, Host knew because he heard the man’s distinct yell of surprise. He also smelled gunsmoke and wine.

“Wilford.”

“Host. What are you doing here?”

“The Host asks what you are doing here?”

“... I asked you first.”

“The Host asked you second.”

“... business. You?”

“... business.”

“Ah… well, cheers.” Quick footsteps get quieter as Wilford runs away. Host stood for a moment,  debating whether or not to apologize to Dark. Before he could decide, the door opened.

“Host?” You asked. Host instantly felt himself straighten up and ball his fists.

“Hello.” He said stiffly.

“Another renovation?” He heard the smile in your voice and forced himself not to smile back.

“Host assumes so.” He nodded.

“So…” You sighed.

“So?” He tilted his head.

“Are you coming in?” You asked. Host let himself smile as he walked into the manor.

He didn’t see you all too much for the rest of the week, and he was severely disappointed. There wasn’t really anybody staying there, just a few people visiting over a few days. Yancy, Illinois, and maybe Bing, if the sound of a skateboard at 3 in the morning was any clue. He was pretty much alone. And that was fine. He was usually alone. He was used to it. This was fine.

Maybe he should stop lying to himself so often.

All too soon, he was on his way back. Again. You were the only one to see him off this time.

“Well… um…” You started. The tension between you two was like a punch to the gut. You were perfectly fine before. What happened?

“Host bids you farewell,” He nodded politely and turned around. Maybe if he left quickly, it wouldn’t hurt as much.

“Wait, Host!” You called. He froze. “I’m, uh… I’m coming with you.” He spun around to face you.

“Host… asks what you mean?”

“I wanna… see your office. I mean, if I’m… allowed to visit?” You said meekly. Host felt his heart quicken.

“The Host would love-like that,” He coughed as he corrected himself. 

“Ok, good,” He could hear the smug smile in your voice. Damn him and his… feelings.

The commute to his thrice-new office was almost silent. Neither of you said anything. You most likely wanted to wait for the Host to start the conversation, but he didn’t want to bother you if you didn’t want to talk. It was a little awkward. But after a while, it became comfortable. He liked just being in your presence.

He thought that was what he would miss most about the manor.

You both stood outside of his office door when you arrived.

“Well… here we are.” You whispered. Host nodded solemnly. “Do you want to do the honors.” Host lifted his hand to the doorknob, feeling himself shake. He clutched the doorknob, not moving an inch. He could feel your eyes on him. You were worried. This was fine. 

You could visit. But what if you didn’t want to? What if you saw his stories? What if you thought he was cruel? He was, but not to you. He would never be to you. He could stop. He could write different stories. He could write a romance! It would still affect people’s lives, but for the better? At least until the story ended and he had no control over it. What if you wanted him to stop? He couldn’t just stop. Would you give him an ultimatum? You wouldn’t… would you?

“Host--” You started. He whipped around to face you.

“The Host does not want to enter the room.” He said, voice wavering a little. He cleared his throat. Embarrassing.

“What? Ho-”

“The Host wants to talk to people. The Host… wants friends. The Host wants to stay with you and the others.” He grits out. God, this was pathetic. Was he begging? 

“Host, open the door.” You sighed. The Host froze. What? Why were you… what?

Oh. So that was it. You were seeing him off… for the last time. You didn’t… you… didn’t like… 

Right. Yeah. You were a polite person. He should’ve known.

“But…” He trailed off and faced the floor.

“Host, I really think you should open the door,” You said, the smile clear in your voice. His eyebrows furrowed. Well, you didn’t have to be so eager about it, Jesus.

The Host grabbed the doorknob and threw the door open with a crack against the wall.

“Jesus, man!” Bim’s distinct game show voice sounded from inside the room. Left front corner. “What’s got your boxers in a bunch?”

“I always thought he was a boxer-briefs man.” Dr. Iplier said from the opposite side.

“I can confirm that he is, in fact, a boxer-briefs man.” Google said from the same place as Dr. Iplier.

“I honestly would’ve thought commando.” Eric’s voice was muffled, as if he was facing away from everyone else.

What… What the fuck?

“What. The fuck.” He said loudly. You clapped a hand on his shoulder, making him jump.

“Surprise! We’re invading your office. Please don’t resist.” He could, again, hear the smirk on your face. He almost wanted to be mad. Almost.

“What?” He turned to you. You let go of him and stepped in.

“We fixed your room! You got your bland-ass beige walls, your hardwood floor, cobwebs, dust, and I think there’s a rat somewhere in the walls…”

“His name is Remy!” Eric said happily.

“Sorry, Remy is somewhere in the walls.” Host didn’t move, still processing this whole situation.

“The Host… doesn’t understand…” He rubbed his temples.

“Well, you seemed… lonely. And we like spending time with you. So… we’re gonna spend time with you!” Bim explained.

“You don’t have to do things alone anymore. Just… call someone up and we’ll come hang out.” Dr. Iplier said.

“Only if you ask, though.” Eric added softly. Host didn’t move for a long while.

The others began to fidget, thinking they did something wrong. Eventually, he took a breath, and everyone else held theirs.

“Is… is the Host’s equipment still here?” He asked.

“Your writing stuff? Yeah, it’s on the desk.” You answered. Host went quiet again, thinking.

“Do… You guys want to help the Host write something?” He mumbled.

“Hell yeah we do!” You clapped your hands once. Host made his way over to his desk. All the others, including you, crowded around him as soon as he sat down, pushing each other to get a good look.

This was slightly claustrophobic and pretty uncomfortable… 

…

It was perfect.

[twentiethcenturymoviesandtv]

Episode Spotlight: M*A*S*H, Season 1, Episode 17: Sometimes You Hear the Bullet

Frank Burns throws his back out and applies for a Purple Heart.  Meanwhile, Hawkeye Pierce meets, and later operates on, an old friend and struggles with the decision of whether or not to send an underaged soldier home.

More than halfway through season 1, M*A*S*H wasn’t exactly killing in the ratings.  The show wasn’t quite sure of itself yet, with tons of recurring characters that would end up dropped and other characters not yet added to the main cast.  Airing at eight o’clock on Sunday nights, M*A*S*H was, at this stage in the game, a relatively normal sitcom, albeit one with a bit sharper sense of humor.

That all changed with Sometimes You Hear the Bullet.

I’ll show you what I mean.

The episode starts humorously enough: Major Frank Burns throws his back out during a rendezvous with Major Houlihan.  He is placed into traction, where he applies for a Purple Heart for his ‘injury’.  Meanwhile, Hawkeye is visited by an old friend and kindred irreverent spirit: Corporal Tommy Gillis, a journalist who signed up for the front lines as he writes his book: You Never Hear the Bullet, a book meant to be written from a soldier’s point of view, instead of a reporter’s.

A helicopter full of wounded arrive at the unit, and Gillis returns to his post.

Among the wounded is a young man with a burst appendix, a Private Wendell Petersen, who is very anxious to get back to the front lines.  Hawkeye tells him that he has to rest for a few days before returning to his unit.  This doesn’t stop Wendell from attempting to steal an army jeep to try to get back, afraid that he was going to be sent home.

After talking with him, Hawkeye figures out the truth: Wendell Petersen is actually Walter Peterson, and he’s not even sixteen years old.

It turns out that Walter posed as his brother, Wendell, and entered the war to impress his girlfriend back home by returning with a medal.  He begs Hawkeye to keep his secret, and, after returning him to his bed, Hawkeye agrees.

Shortly, more wounded arrive, and among them is Tommy Gillis.  Hawkeye operates on him, but even his best is not enough, and he dies on the operating table after telling Hawkeye that he did hear the bullet.  Hawkeye tries to revive him, but Colonel Henry Blake orders him to move on to save another life.

Afterwards, Hawkeye breaks down crying.

“Henry, I know why I’m crying now. Tommy was my friend, and I watched him die, and I’m crying. I’ve watched guys die almost every day. Why didn’t I ever cry for them?”

“Because you’re a doctor.”

Hawkeye asks what that means, and Henry answers with one of the greatest lines in the show’s history.

“I don’t know. If I had the answer, I’d be at the Mayo Clinic. Does this place look like the Mayo Clinic? Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war. And rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is, doctors can’t change rule number one.”

Right then and there, Hawkeye decides to change rule number one in some small way, and calls the MPs on Private Wendell, really Walter, outing the fact that he’s underage.  Walter, outraged, tells Hawkeye that he’ll never forgive Hawkeye for the rest of his life.

Hawkeye replies: “Let’s hope it’s a long and healthy hate.”

In one final scene (one that’s usually cut from syndication), Henry Blake begins to present Frank with his Purple Heart, only to find it replaced with a purple earring, while outside, Hawkeye pins the Purple Heart on Walter to make up for turning him in, sending him home, but home a hero.

The end.

Sometimes You Hear the Bullet is considered one of M*A*S*H’s best episodes for a reason.  This is an early episode, one that is regarded as a tone and trend setter for the rest of the series in terms of both storyline balance (one or two serious plotlines, one humorous), and content itself, one of the first episodes to sit down and truly explore the characters within this tragic situation.  At this moment, M*A*S*H ceased being a comedy show and became a dramedy, with one of the most memorable moments and exchanges in the show’s long history.

While this episode may seem like a standard half-hour of television, at the time, especially for this show, it was something different.  It was no longer a slapstick grittier Hogan’s Heroesque irreverent comedy about soldiers, it was a show about a group of people stuck in the middle of a war, with death all around them.  And no matter how good Hawkeye, or any of the doctors, are at their jobs, they’ll never be able to save everyone.

It’s sobering, but it’s a truth that the show had, for the first time, truly explored, and it’s that initial exploration, that glimmer of what this show was going to become, that puts this episode under so much recognition: Sometimes You Hear the Bullet was the warning sign, the first moment that the writers got a handle on the show that would become a classic.

Of course, it has it’s problems.  

Not tonal ones, at least, not exactly.  Throughout its entire run, M*A*S*H often had two or three plots going, one serious, one humorous.  This is a smart strategy: balance out the dark with the light, giving each episode a more even feeling instead of being too much one or the other.  Although the show would get darker and more serious as time went on, the writers never abandoned this plan, allowing M*A*S*H to remain a consistent dramedy throughout the show’s run, keeping the audience laughing and crying at the same time.

In the case of Sometimes You Hear the Bullet, the ‘funny’ subplot is obvious: Frank Burns and his Purple Heart.  The other two storylines are the serious ones: Hawkeye’s friend, as well as the underaged soldier.  However, in most cases, as in this one, these plotlines inevitably intersect, and it’s here that this particular episode might cause a few problems.

I mentioned that the final scene in the episode is typically cut from syndication: the sequence where Frank’s purple heart is stolen and given to the underaged soldier, instead.  While this scene may not, at first, seem inherently out of place within the context of the rest of the episode, swinging from comedy to drama within a minute, there are those who believe that this scene unintentionally undermines the rest of the episode, or the main thrust established a few moments earlier.

And those people aren’t exactly wrong.

I certainly agree that the episode would have been stronger had it ended with the soldier’s final interaction with Hawkeye been proclaiming his hatred, only for Hawkeye to soberly respond that he hopes it’s a long and healthy hate.  Changing that to this new ending, where Hawkeye sends him home with a medal, seems almost out of character for Hawkeye, taking away some of the sincerity and severity of the message just a moment earlier.  The idea that this soldier could bring himself to forgive Hawkeye so soon, before realizing what exactly he’d been saved from, seems a little disingenuous after the weight previously given to this subplot.

In later episodes, it’s possible, even probable that this episode wouldn’t have ended tied in such a neat bow.  But that’s one of the things that’s so interesting about this episode.

Sometimes You Hear the Bullet isn’t the first episode of ‘true’ M*A*S*H as it would be remembered in the future, but it is the first episode where M*A*S*H comes into its own themes, looking hard at war, and the toll it takes not only on the soldiers, but on the surgeons, as well.  Before this, for the most part, ‘characters’, friends of the cast, did not die on the operating table.  Not when Hawkeye could save him.

But I’m going to quote Hawkeye from another season 1 M*A*S*H episode, Yankee Doodle Doctor, as I think that it sums up this the point of this episode pretty well:

“Three hours ago, this man was in a battle. Two hours ago, we operated on him. He’s got a 50-50 chance. We win some, we lose some. That’s what it’s all about. No promises. No guaranteed survival. No saints in surgical garb. Our willingness, our experience, our technique are not enough. Guns, and bombs, and anti-personnel mines have more power to take life than we have to preserve it. Not a very happy ending for a movie. But then, no war is a movie.”

That right there is the point of Sometimes You Hear the Bullet, to the point where the doomed Tommy Gillis even references the film tropes of a young, fresh-faced kid hearing the bullet that kills him.  This is the message that Hawkeye must grapple with: he cannot save everyone.

No matter how much he knows, how good he is, he can never save everyone.  No guaranteed survival.

It’s sobering, but it’s the truth.  And it’s what makes this episode so memorable.

M*A*S*H at this point was still mostly a comedy, a series full of jokes and the occasional serious moment, and it would continue to be so for another few years.  But it was this episode, episode seventeen of the first season, that signaled to audiences that this show could be more than that.  It could make you laugh, sure, but it could make you cry, and it wasn’t that surprising: this was war.

In short: by itself, is Sometimes You Hear the Bullet one of the greatest episodes of television, or even M*A*S*H, ever written?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  But what it is, without much doubt, is the first sign of maturity in a show that had a lot of growing up to do.

Whether the shift was instantaneous or not, the fact is, Sometimes You Hear the Bullet was a game changer in the show’s history, the first break in format that truly showed audiences what they could expect in the years ahead.

On top of that?  It’s just a good episode.

The plot balance is decent, without too much mood-whiplash that could so easily occur in a war dramedy.  The characters, decently familiar to audiences by now, all work off of each other just as well as ever, funny, interesting, and heartfelt in turn.  It’s an example of early M*A*S*H at it’s best, overshadowing many first season episodes with a level of depth previously mostly unexplored, delivering on every scene and remaining mostly genuine.  It’s an engaging episode, full of memorable moments that are thoughtful and earnest, making this episode a standout, a moment in television history, and an unmissable installment for avid watchers of M*A*SH, and television fans in general.

Don’t forget that the comment box is always open for anything from suggestions and discussion ideas to questions and conversations!  Thank you guys so much for reading, and I hope to see you guys in the next article.

[wahbegan]

NOPE Review

I don’t know where to start with this movie, other than it is....a lot. It’s a lot.

Okay, so the basic premise is this: Daniel Kaluuya and Keke Palmer are sibling co-owners of a ranch that trains horse actors with a pretty...strained relationship. Their dad, the previous owner, who they feel like they can’t live up to, has just been killed in a freak.....er....accident, and they’re struggling to make ends meet. So when they start seeing weird shit in the sky and their horses start vanishing, they cook up a plot to get rich and famous with conclusive proof of alien life. At the same time their neighbor, a former child star who was deeply traumatized by an incident in his childhood, has also caught wind of the weird shit going on and is trying to monetize it, albeit in the form of a live show in his amusement park. And then........shit goes sideways

So yeah, first of all, it’s not a straight alien invasion movie, thank christ, although that’s just my personal preference. If you go in expecting aliens abducting and probing and doing alien shit and running around with lil weird alien faces, you are gonna have a bad time. Signs this is not.

Oh, yeah, also, a note on the genre. You may have noticed the marketing department made the baffling decision of making the teaser for the film look more like straight horror and the full trailer look more like a fffuckin pseudo-Western alien invasion adventure dramedy film and may be confused as to what the fuck genre it is.

It is....neither of those things and both of those things? It’s a weird hybrid. Honestly, i’d say it’s more horror right up until close to the climax, where it gets more Western adventure it’s......okay, this is a weird comparison but

You know The Mummy? Who am i kidding, of course you do. So you know how that movie goes from like creepy scare-you-as-a-kid kinda-sorta horror to blowing up into a big action adventure?

Nope is kinda like that, but with the horrifying elements of the horror turned way the fuck up. Which is.....amazing.

So that’s all just what you should go in expecting though, how’s the actual movie?

Well, in terms of sheer entertainment value, it...might be my favorite Jordan Peele movie? That or Us. It has good characters who are fun to watch, the kind you’d expect from a Jordan Peele film, it has humor, and it has something which Us and Get Out both lacked, which is big blockbuster moments towards the end. Not to spoil too much but it is definitely, of the three, the one i felt ended the most positively.

Which, i mean, you also may not like, but good news! It has something else Us and Get Out lacked!

Two of the most legitimately fucking harrowing scenes i’ve seen in any recent horror film. Oh, sure, i mean, i’ve seen more openly shocking and uncomfortable, the unapologetic scene of child abuse from The Black Phone comes to mind, but two of the scenes in this film are....exactly where horror should exist, in my opinion.

A perfect balance between relatable, tangible, real-world fears and anxieties, something you can see yourself or your loved ones in, and enough of the grotesque and fantastical to make it surreal. To make it uncanny. That sweet spot of horror that really gets under your skin. 

Yes, this movie got under my skin. Mainly those two scenes, which i obviously won’t spoil, but, i was up half the night thinking about them. 

And yes, even besides that really openly disturbing shit, there WAS a lot of very good tension, even when it got to the bits that were more adventure blockbuster-y at the end. Which were also very good, i hasten to add, the........feel like Jordan Peele would smack me for using this word about this particular film, but the spectacle and the beauty and the emotional resonance of those scenes towards the end really does hit.

I wouldn’t say it’s a flawless movie. There’s one character who is very underdeveloped and makes a baffling decision that feels completely unearned, and it definitely feels like he just does it because the plot needs him to. There’s another very minor character, like a throwaway gag character who feels a little annoyingly on-the-nose, to the point where you’re like.....okay no human being would act like that. The side plot about Steven Yeun’s childhood trauma, while thematically resonant and very important to his character feels kinda....out-of-place isn’t quite the right word, but it’s just so jarringly at odds with everything else going on that it’s a bit bizarre, a little bit of a big-lipped alligator moment feel to it.

Although it is also the side plot in which we get one of those two “go home and have nightmares afterwards” scenes i was talking about, so i can’t complain too much.

And finally, and....fuck this is hard to do without spoilers, but there’s.....towards the end, there are some incredibly ambitious shots of the UFO (the design of which is fucking amazing by the way and will surprise you) that are really beautiful or could be beautiful but ohhh i just wish the special effects were a liiiiiiiittle bit better on them.

But i’m just nitpicking at this point. Other then that, yeah it’s a thoroughly satisfying film. Tense, horrifying, emotional, funny in bits, and off-the-wall fucking bonkers which i always appreciate. I would recommend it to all but the most dour and blockbuster-sensibility-hating of horror or sci-fi lovers

[ayankun]

Ok so I might have gone a little overboard but I watched HSMTMTS S1 again today and noted down all the talking head segments and the in-scene 4th-wall breaks (which I'm calling "Halperts") and then I made some graphs.

Gonna do S2, too, 'cause this started because I wanted data on whether there were more Halperts in S1 than S2, and whether Miss Jenn was generally the butt of those jokes, but the results may surprise you!!!

Ok so first off, in S1 I counted 74 talking head segments and ONLY FOURTEEN times someone mugged for the camera in a scene.

My counting criteria for talking heads was that the "interview setting" had to be unique; this means that the several cuts to the Nini and Ricky segments at the top of the pilot only counted as one each.

Also, any time a segment contained more than one character, that counts as a segment for each one. Not a super accurate way of doing it for the overall total, but in S1 it only happened one time, where Carlos walks behind Ashlyn, and I'm using it to balance out the truly bizarre one where Ricky starts Halperting but then he actually starts talking to the camera even though he's in a room full of people and it breaks my brain.

Also, I gave Gina a combined point for trying to look at the camera while she wasn't fully in frame (but we made eye contact, I assure you), and in that same episode she mugs directly into the camera but it's diegetic that she's not looking at the camera but rather at the Homecoming poster so there's that.

Below you can see that they lead hard with the mockumentary shtick, and it truly fell off almost immediately as the heavier storylines started landing. 1x4 is the one where Ricky finds out his mom's moving to Chicago, for example.

Next up answers the question "who had the most segments?" I was actually kind of surprised to see Ricky won by a small margin, as I do believe that the showrunners intended to split the difference between its leads in Nini's favor (as opposed to the 80/20 Troy/Gabriella split of the films). I think, though, that both characters are approached slightly differently by the narrative, where Nini is more even-keel natural and Ricky swings either full sitcom or full prime-time drama.

(Also Seb only had the one, as well. The graph decided not to include his label because it's homophobic I guess)

The above notwithstanding, I also was sort of interested in who spent the most time talking to the camera in each episode, and then who ranked highest among that group. And here finally Nini comes in first! She had four episodes, nearly half of the season, where she had the highest number of segments in the episode.

EDIT: I was looking at my S1 data and realized I hecked up a formula in the spreadsheet, and correcting it unfortunately removed Nini’s big S1 win for having the most episodes in which she had the most talking heads. This blog apologizes for publishing erroneous data; the real results are that Natalie, Nini, Ricky, Big Red, and Ashlyn are all tied with one episode each. The other five episodes are ties. The graph below is a lie.

Ok now we're going to look at the in-scene 4th-wall breaks. This is when a character does something oddball and another character expresses that they found the behavior odd by giving the camera a look.

The numbers don't lie. This doesn't happen NEARLY as often as I thought it did. And it really only happens in "comedy" scenes; as insinuated by the drop off of talking heads, the style of the show follows its content into more serious waters pretty early on, and then sort of stays there. What I mean is, 1x6 has more musical dramedy in its DNA than mockumentary.

Ok, so it's not happening all that much, but who's doing it when it happens? Spoilers: it's Ricky.

And basically only Ricky! That's sort of what I mean by him being more sitcommy. Outside of him and Miss Jenn, who is specifically the most cartoonish character of the entire cast, no one else does it more than once. Even Big Red just has the one fearful look into the camera!!! Nini has NONE!

So, final thought, what are they reacting to when they need to share their experience with the audience. Here's where I got results I Could Not Have Predicted:

That Miss Jenn is more often than not the butt of the joke was a data point I totally expected, what I didn't expect was that every time Miss Jenn has an aside with the camera, she's not reacting to anything. She just knowingly breaks the fourth wall for no discernible reason. The only other character to do this is Lucas playing Lucas referencing that he played Ryan*. I think there must be something meta going on here, with the non-teen performers descending on this high school with all kinds of worldly wisdom -- like Ricky will look at the camera because it's funny for him to do that; Miss Jenn will look at the camera because she's aware she's a character on a tv show.

Oh, the only other sort of surprise about the who and what is that, yes, this cinematic trope is generally played for humorous, mildly-intolerant reasons, but the exception to this is twice Ricky shared a kind of "yikes!" reaction with us -- first when the Gina/EJ drama boiled over at Homecoming, and later when he was overwhelmed by his own behavior. These were not jokes! We were not meant to laugh with him or even at him! So interesting.

Super interested in seeing how the structure/content of S2 compares. Without the hard data, my reckoning was that S1 was way more jokesy and S2 way more earnest, but honestly now I bet they'll be about the same. Will have to wait a couple weeks for the season to wrap up, though. Catch you then, Wildcats!

*EDIT2: Also realized today that I probably should not have included Lucas-as-Lucas’ S1 Halpert since it occurred within a dream sequence and things that happen in dreams don’t really follow the same diegetic/non-diegetic rules. I will do a cleaner, more nuanced data analysis for both S1 and S2 once the season wraps up, and link it here. In hindsight, this one was a little slapdash.

[theonethatwatchesalotofshows]

Ranking every teen drama I've watched

I have gotten really into teen dramas lately, because it's quarantine I can't go out and have fun, but I can still watch other people my age going out and having fun and doing things I don't get to do. Anyway I haven't seen all teen dramas, I was never interested in supernatural ones, so you won't find Vampire Diaries and similar shows on this list.

From worst to best:

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

I will never understand how this show ran for five seasons. It will forever remain a mystery to me. This show is so bad it's good. The writing resembles a wattpad story, Amy's pregnancy is inconsistent (like how was she five months pregnant for like five or six episodes, aren't the episodes supposed to be set a week apart?), the acting is bad (that is not to say that Molly Ringwald or Shailene Woodley are bad actresses, obviously they're not, I'm talking about Amy's sister that has the same facial expression no matter what her mood is supposed to be), some of the views this show expresses are very old-fashioned and damaging (the madonna-whore binary, the fact that they can't even utter the word abortion) and every single male character on this show is a creep and a cheater. I can't believe I watched like thirteen episodes of this. I will never get that time back.

Weirdest moment: "I'm a whore!" "Well, you're my whore." (Was this supposed to be romantic??)

Best moment: none

Glee

This is going to be unpopular and don't get me wrong, I like Glee, but I feel like the writers put much more thought into the musical numbers than the storylines. Again, Quinn's pregnancy is inconsistent (but I'm starting to think TV shows are always inconsistent about pregnancies), the characters don't look like they're in high school at all, the cheerleaders wear their uniforms 24/7 for no reason (Quinn even wore it to her sonogram, like seriously?) the whole celibacy club thing is weird and Mr Schue is a terrible teacher. However, the visuals and the musical numbers are great, Sue Sylvester is iconic (albeit also a terrible teacher) and some of the scenes are really emotional (Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand made my sister cry) so overall, it's pretty good.

Weirdest moment: Finn praying to grilled cheese (what??)

Best moment: Quinn giving birth to Bohemian Rhapsody, Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Dawson's Creek

I LOVE their 90s' outfits and Joey and Pacey are really otp material, but I just can't stand Dawson! He got mad that Joey didn't tell him about his mother's affair, as if it was her place to get involved. She was 15! It's understandible she didn't want to get tangled into that mess. He also slut-shamed Jen in a really gross way. He literally stopped talking to her for a day when he found out she isn't a virgin. Why are both Joey and Jen into this guy?? This would've been a much better show if it was called Joey's Creek or Pacey's Creek.

Weirdest moment: the way Dawson's mom confessed her affair to her husband. I don't think any irl human would use this choice of words. Also that scene where Dawson's father was teaching him how to kiss while Joey was watching. Cringe.

Best moment: any time Joey and Pacey are bickering. My shipper heart!

Pretty Little Liars

I loved the book version of this, but the TV version seems way too dramatic. First of all, they romanticized Aria and Ezra's relationship (ewww) and made the whole thing seem much more overdramatic. I don't know how to explain it, I mean the books are also dramatic but the TV show somehow took it to a whole new level. None of the girls look like they're in high school, but I love the way they dress and do their makeup. It's almost as though the writers put more thought into their outfits than storylines. I still loved watching it until Netflix took it off, though.

Weirdest moment: Spencer somehow trying to block A's number from her laptop in the middle of a park and then being confused that it didn't work. Weren't you supposed to be the smart one, Spencer?

Best moment: Haleb in the shower, hiding from Hanna's mom.

Skins

This is a classic. Effy is iconic (I somehow heard about her even before watching Skins) and the musical number at the end of season 1 was out of nowhere but still somehow fit perfectly into the story. I also give this show point for being one of the few TV shows where teen characters are actually played by real life teens. They look their age, talk their age (no "I reject reality" or other cringy lines like that) and aren't unrealistically perfect like characters from American teen dramas tend to be. They look like people you might actually meet in high school. However the show loses points for all the continuity errors (are 8 episodes supposed to be the whole school year??) and the number of unneccessary death/tragic accidents. It seemed kind of over-the-top and unneccessarily dark and brutal at times.

Weirdest moment: Chris's graphic death

Best moment: Wild World

Euphoria

The Gen Z American version of Skins, but with better visuals. Much better. I loved the aesthetic, the colors, the lighting and glitter. Zendaya's a great actress and I give this show points for casting an actual trans actress in the role of Jules. However I find it weird that all guys on this show are complete irredeemable assholes (except of Jules's dad and Ethan that is). Are we supposed to just root for the girls and not the guys? Also I find it hard to believe that any of these characters are actually 16/17. They have sex all the time (yeah teenagers have sex sometimes but on this show they treated Kat as some kind of a chaste nun for being a virgin at 16) and have seemingly no rules and no curfew. It would've been much more believable if they were in college.

Weirdest moment: Nate breaking into Tyler's house, beating him up and then taking a shower. The audacity this guy has!

Best moment: "You did this to me!" and Rue having an anxiety attack on the stage in theater class

Gossip Girl

I know this is also an unpopular opinion, because many claim Gossip Girl is the best teen drama ever, but for me it just got way too soapy as the seasons went on. The first two seasons were believable, even though they didn't really look like they were in high school, but after that it was just more and more weird plot points. I will give this show points for the fashion (I mean Blair's headbands and school uniform inspired a fashion line), the acting ("I killed someone"- iconic) and the choice of background music (Nate and Serena kissing to Paparazzi, Thanksgiving with Watcha Say). Despite the wild twists and turns of events, I just had to keep watching because this show had me hooked.

Weirdest moment: Bart Bass somehow flying off the building for no reason (seriously, what he did there had no logical explanation and defied laws of physics), Dan being Gossip Girl, Bart faking his death and returning more evil than before, Serena becoming Gossip Girl, the affidavit, everyone randomly stopping going to college... there are so many but Bart takes the cake I guess

Best moment: the Thanksgiving flashbacks from season 1, Dan placing a plastic crown on Blair's head

Freaks and Geeks

This is one of the few shows where high school is depicted realistically. It's not all glitter and parties and not everyone has sex and does drugs. Okay, I admit, the bullying was over the top and it was weird how no adults cared but other than that, it was pretty spot-on. It was emotional without being too dramatic and far-fetched and also had funny moments. Yes some of the characters may have been stereotypes but at least the show seemed self-aware of that. It's truly a shame we only got 18 episodes of this show, while The Secret Life of the American Teenager somehow got five seasons??? I don't get it.

Weirdest moment: when Cindy suddenly got super mean once she started dating Sam

Best moment: Daniel showing up at Kim's doorstep, Sam breaking down in tears in the end of 'Garage Door'

Gilmore Girls

I'm not sure this one counts as a teen drama, maybe it's more of a dramedy but I'm still including it here. It's funny, the dialogue is witty and full of obscure pop-culture references and the relationships between generations complex. Same as with Freaks and Geeks, the portrayal of high school is pretty realistic. Characters are shown studying and taking tests and not just partying all the time. However the show loses points for getting weirdly soapy in the 7th season. The dialogue wasn't as good and the camera angles were soap opera like and the storylines weren't very good either. You could really tell the show changed show-runners. The earlier seasons are the best. It's hard to explain but something about them feels cozy like a warm blanket and a cup of hot chocolate on a rainy day.

Weirdest moment: Lorelai marrying Chris and then making the whole "you're the man I want to want" speech, Lorelai defending and loving Dean for no reason

Best moment: Rory's graduation speech, Rory yelling at Chris and calling him out for not having been there for her, Then She Appeared, "Yes Emily, you may go first"... there are so many!

[aion-rsa]

Don’t Look Up: Who Are the Characters Based On

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The following includes major Don’t Look Up spoilers.

This was supposed to be a comedy, right? That’s what the marketing and 1960s-inspired opening title cards suggest for Adam McKay’s Don’t Look Up, and yet one might think the happiest moment in the whole thing is when Leonardo DiCaprio’s Dr. Randall Mindy and Jennifer Lawrence’s PhD candidate Kate Dibiasky sit down to dinner with family, friends, and even a new fiancé, before the comet strikes. At least they’re getting a break from trying to force reality into those people’s thick skulls.

That’s the bleak vibe and pitch black humor at work throughout Don’t Look Up, a passionate, strident, and intentionally abrasive dramedy which takes a page out of Stanley Kubrick and laughs at the end of the world. The film is clearly meant to be a parable about humanity’s inability to face the hard truths of the existential threat posed by climate change in the last 40 years, but it also arrives deep into the second year of the COVID-19 pandemic (and new emergence of the Omicron variant). While McKay wrote and began preparing this project before COVID, it all lands a little more horrifyingly now… not least of all because the film’s most caricatured personalities all have the haze of truth around them.

Indeed, the movie is technically a fictional story, just as it’s supposedly a comedy, but the fact that there are echoes of the real world in each larger than life cartoon character allows it to play differently. So here are all the winks, allusions, and implications we caught on our first viewing.

Meryl Streep’s President Orlean Influences

When the Don’t Look Up trailer first dropped, you would be forgiven for thinking that there are hints of Hillary Rodham Clinton, the woman who almost was the President of the United States, in Meryl Streep’s blonde female POTUS with a penchant for pant suits. And that’s because, truthfully, there are multiple nods and references to all of our most recent national leaders in Streep and McKay’s unholy creation. But the figure she’s clearly most emulating is the orange hued man who was president when cameras first rolled on the movie: Donald Trump.

Like Trump, Orlean is a former reality television star who preposterously rose to national politics and is vocally outspoken in her anti-intellectualism and anti-science ignorance. Just last year, as Don’t Look Up was preparing to film during the pandemic, Trump told Wade Crowfoot, California’s secretary for natural resources, that he thought the earth was going to “start getting cooler – you just watch.” When Crowfoot responded that he wished the science agreed with the president, Trump added, “Well, I don’t think the science knows, actually.”

The former president made these incredulous assertions as California was ravaged by historic wildfires—and in the same year the former president also told Americans that COVID-19 was “a hoax” exaggerated by the DNC and that it would go away in spring 2020 “like a miracle.” Orlean’s similar disinterest and inability to engage in reality is a maddening recreation of this, as is her abuse of cronyism and nepotism, including by making her son White House chief of staff.

But she is not only Trump. Take her bizarre crisis at the start of the film where she’s nominated an abusive, violent, and racist southwestern sheriff with no judicial experience to be a justice on the Supreme Court. The small character of the sheriff (who we’ll come back to) is likely inspired by Joe Arpaio, a former sheriff in Arizona whom Trump pardoned in 2017 after the law officer was found guilty of criminal contempt. While Trump did not nominate Arpaio to the SCOTUS, President George W. Bush—whose administration is a favorite subject matter for McKay—did attempt to put Harriet Miers on the Supreme Court in 2005.

Up to that point, Miers had been a lifelong political animal in the Republican Party who had never served as a judge on any court. But she had worked in the Bush White House as first a staff secretary and then deputy chief of staff for policy. Her close loyalty to Bush caused the president to nominate her over anyone who actually served in the judiciary. The choice received fierce backlash from even the Republican Party. After meeting with the Senate Judiciary Committee in 2005, then-Sen. Tom Coburn privately said she “flunked” in demonstrating the intellectual rigor needed to be a SCOTUS justice.

Miers ultimately withdrew her nomination. It was one political humiliation for Bush who suffered many after his reelection, including how poorly his “Mission: Accomplished” photograph atop of an aircraft carrier had aged as the Iraq War escalated. Don’t Look Up appears to mimic this with Orlean deciding to take the comet “seriously” for political expediency and having a preemptive victory speech given from atop an aircraft carrier in the Potomac.

Streep’s President Orlean similarly merges elements of other political figures across the spectrum, from the fact she’s seen in one photograph hugging former President Bill Clinton, and somewhat copying his folksy mannerism, to her oft-discussed smoking habit, which she initially tried to hide on the political campaign trail. This, in turn, mimics former President Barack Obama’s worst kept dirty little secret. Also like Obama, she has a habit of being photographed with celebrities. Obama also had a tendency to trust the experts who came from Ivy League schools as most credible, much to many on the left’s disdain when it came to appointing conventional Harvard thinkers like Larry Summers as Director of the White House National Economic Council during the Great Recession.

Even her earliest “scandal” as a woman who, according to her son, became famous for being a Playboy centerfold back in the day feels like a play on former Sen. Scott Brown of Massachusetts, the Republican politician who shocked the political elite when he captured Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat following Kennedy’s death in 2009—and in spite of the fact that his nude centerfold spread in Cosmopolitan magazine was dredged up during the campaign.

Jonah Hill’s Jason Orlean Inspirations

On balance, Jonah Hill’s character in Don’t Look Up is nothing short of a Frankenstein’s Monster styled stitching of the reputations and rumors around Jared Kushner, Ivanka Trump, and Donald Trump Jr.

Introduced first as President Orlean’s entirely disinterested and arrogant White House chief of staff, we eventually learn Jason is her actual son. While President Trump never quite had the audacity to appoint one of his children (or their spouses) as his chief of staff, according to various reports about the Trump White House, he might as well have. Particularly during the first year-plus of the Trump presidency, reports consistently described Trump’s son-in-law, Kushner, and his daughter Ivanka as leaders of a competing White House apparatus that worked in opposition to Trump’s first failed chief of staff, Reince Priebus. Indeed, Ivanka sat by her father’s side on the night he picked Anthony Scaramucci to replace Priebus as chief of staff. (That one didn’t last long either.)

While their roles in managing the presidency allegedly faded some in later years, the son-in-law remained President Trump’s go-to fixer and idea man. During our own real life Don’t Look Up experience in 2020, Trump appointed  Kushner to oversee much of the federal response to COVID-19 in the spring, despite his son-in-law’s absolute lack of experience in handling viruses, pandemics, or national emergencies. 

More damning still, reports came out alleging Kushner’s team spent months coddling the president’s political desire to downplay the virus by coming to the conclusion that “because the virus had hit blue states hardest, a national plan was unnecessary and would not make sense politically.” One anonymous expert was quoted as saying, “The political folks believed that because it was relegated to Democratic states, that they could blame those governors, and that would be an effective political strategy.”

According to Stephanie Grisham, a former Trump White House press secretary, Kushner and Ivanka “thought they were a shadow president and first lady.”

Don’t Look Up also leans into the salacious rumors and stories about the Trump kids. This ranges from the much remarked upon obsession the former president had with commenting on his daughter’s attractiveness (it’s reversed in the movie) to the social media speculation about Donald Trump Jr.’s supposed use of recreational drugs (which became so intense after his 2020 RNC speech that he had to publicly deny them).

Jason Orlean certainly mimics Don Jr.’s role as being his presidential parent’s social media attack dog, right down to still tweeting about his inherent awesomeness after he’s become the last man left on Earth.

Mark Rylance’s Peter Isherwell Influences

Another unsubtle blending of various public figures, although now from the world of tech and energy, is Mark Rylance’s deluded CEO. Rylance has played tech CEOs with god complexes before, quite memorably so during Steven Spielberg’s Ready Player One (2018). But whereas that film leaned into the mythical way some of Silicon Valley’s leading capitalists might view themselves (and how their fans did back in the late 2000s, when the source novel was written), McKay asks Rylance to repeat his soft-spoken and gentle obliviousness to a far more menacing effect.

In this film, Rylance is the CEO of a company that looks a lot like Apple given the almost religious awe consumers and even children hold for him and the new smartphones he releases every year. In this way, he obviously looks a lot like Steve Jobs, whose cult of personality never seemed greater than when he introduced the world to the iPhone in 2007.

However, beyond the fact that Jobs is gone and was never a major political mover and shaker, Isherwell also combines elements from other recent tech gurus, including most obviously Elon Musk, the CEO and product architect of Tesla, Inc., and founder, CEO, and chief engineer of SpaceX. Like Isherwell, Musk is an arguably chilly presence who fancies himself as something akin to mankind’s savior with his determination to lead SpaceX to colonize Mars, complete with its own direct democracy government, and who believes our future is “among the stars.”

The way that he uses his cellphones to track and datamine folks to the point where he thinks his algorithms can predict the very cause of your death is also the open dirty secret of so many tech companies in the 21st century, but most clearly Facebook, which is now part of the rebranded “Meta” company run by CEO Mark Zuckerberg.

Like Isherwell, the near worshipful affection tech watchers had for Zuckerberg, Facebook, and social media at large in the late 2000s has given way to cynicism and despair after those tools have proved to be a breeding ground for misinformation, manipulation, and political destabilization. In fact, just this year a former Facebook employee testified before the U.S. Senate that the company allegedly put profits above public safety when it came to vetting (and ignoring) algorithms that ultimately may promote radicalization.

Cate Blanchett’s Brie Evantee and the News Media

Cate Blanchett appears nigh unrecognizable beneath her airbrushed cheshire grin as Brie Evantee. The character, alongside Tyler Perry’s Jack Bremmer, is part of a pair of stand-ins for almost any cheerful-to-a-fault morning show personality. However, the specific look of Brie, and Blanchett’s discreet underplaying of extreme intelligence beneath the mind numbing banter, suggests she is modeled after Mika Brzezinski, the co-host of MSNBC’s Morning Joe.

Like Evantee, Brzezinski co-hosts the morning show which is ostensibly a little savvier and certainly more popular with Washington politicos beltway insiders. Also like the fictional character, Brzezinski is a lot sharper than the usual sing-songy morning blather might indicate, with Brzezinski being a visiting fellow at the Harvard Institute of Politics and a former on-the-ground reporter, including when she was CBS News’ principal “Ground Zero” correspondent during the September 11, 2001 attacks.

This specific comparison was raised to McKay during a profile interview in Vanity Fair. He denied the similarities though, suggesting they were purely coincidental. He did, however, more openly discuss comparisons to larger institutions instead of individual persons. McKay thus admitted his film’s New York Herald is a satire of the high-minded airs of The New York Times.

“I do think tremendous shame on The New York Times for hiring that climate change denier,” McKay is quoted as saying in reference to Bret Stephens. He went on to say the paper of record is too beholden to its own vaunted sobriety and doesn’t treat climate change with the urgency it deserves. He added, “[But if you’re a top editor at the paper]  are you really going to go into a meeting and go like, ‘Hey guys, I think we should put a headline that says, We’re fucked.’”

And Michael Chikilis’ cameo as a Fox News-like sycophant for the right is clearly modeled after Sean Hannity, as indicated by the logo behind him on his last night on Earth… which he spends by ignoring the hard cold reality of a comet about to crash on his head. With that said, he could just as easily be any Fox News personality who denies climate change or the magnitude of the Jan. 6 insurrection mob which descended on Capitol Hill.

Erik Parillo’s Sheriff Conlon Inspirations

Sheriff Conlon, President Orlean’s Supreme Court pick and the man she also appears to have a romantic fling with, is likely based on Joe Arpaio, the controversial and disgraced former Sheriff of Maricopa County from 1993 to 2017. During his tenure, the sheriff and his office received numerous accusations of politically motivated investigations and arrests (including of journalists), abuse of power, misuse of government funds, and (in what made him a Fox News hero) the targeting if Latinx communities in search of undocumented immigrants. This included “immigration patrols” which canvassed largely Latinx communities and which would stop Latinx drivers and ask for identification.

A judge specifically ordered the racial profiling in the last abuse to end, which Arpaio ignored, causing the judge to hold Arpaio in criminal contempt of court.

Trump pardoned Arpaio less than a month later.

I also got faint hints of disgraced former congressman and Democrat, Anthony Weiner, with how his salacious texts were leaked online, not unlike Weiner’s various sexting scandals repeatedly finding their way into the press, destabilizing the political campaign of Hillary Clinton in 2016, which his then-wife worked for.

Ariana Grande’s Riley Bina Inspirations

Oh, come on, do you really need us to explain this? Ariana Grande is a good sport for playing a caricature of herself in Don’t Look Up. The Grande pop star in the movie is named Riley, and she lives in a world where her love life is part of her public persona due to invasive media interest–which she plays the game over all too well. Thus scenes of her on a morning show where the press is more interested in talking about her bad break-up from another pop star instead of her music—never mind the planet-killing comet coming from above.

Grande has of course had notable break ups with popular musicians and an SNL star. If you want to read more about that, use Google for that sort of thing.

Don’t Look Up is streaming now on Netflix.

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The post Don’t Look Up: Who Are the Characters Based On appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[thepermanentrainpress]

THE PERMANENT RAIN PRESS INTERVIEW WITH EDEN SUMMER GILMORE

The film scene in the Lower Mainland has never been brighter. Rising talent, including Burnaby’s own Eden Summer Gilmore, have begun to make a name for themselves, with a multitude of key roles over the past five years. Gilmore is currently starring as Sofia Bianchi in Global’s Family Law, a drama that follows “a group of flawed family members who reluctantly work together at their father’s law firm in downtown Vancouver.” Her on-screen mother is Jewel Staite, who as recovering alcoholic and lawyer Abigail, must find a way to balance (and repair!) her own career and family life. 

Growing up, who were some artists you looked up to? What specific films, series or characters did you watch and feel inspired by?

Growing up I was really inspired by artists such as Taylor Swift, Emma Watson, Amy Adams, Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston. They are all such strong women that really showed me at a young age I can do and be whatever I set my mind to. I was (and still am) obsessed with the Harry Potter series. I remember growing up and watching Hermione, Emma Watson’s character, and feeling inspired to be me. She never let what anyone said dictate her and always stood up for herself. I also loved the film, Enchanted with Amy Adams. I actually used to call it “princess in the hole” since Amy Adams' character comes up from a sewer grate. She also really inspired me to be myself and to see all her talents in this film was so much fun to watch and definitely inspiring. Enchanted brought together all my favourite elements of Disney Princesses, musicals, singing, dancing, fantasy, it was my favourite growing up and I can’t wait for the sequel.

As I got older and started watching the tv show Friends - Jennifer Aniston really showed me the power I have as a woman. Also, Gilmore Girls and the relationship with Lorelei and Rory was fascinating to watch. One of my favourite shows! And of course Reese Witherspoon, she is also a huge inspiration. She has portrayed such amazing strong women in her films that I find awe-inspiring. Her production company Hello Sunshine is also a huge inspiration to me and a platform for female led productions.

Were your family and friends supportive of your decision to pursue a career in the arts?

Yes, they were very supportive. My mom actually works in the industry behind the camera and she was the one who thought I might enjoy acting, which I very much did. My parents and my grandparents were the ones who always would drive me to my auditions or take me to set. I am very grateful to have my family's support. My friends are also very supportive. I am very lucky and grateful to have friends that I can share these milestones with.

A defining role in your young career was starring in It’s Christmas, Eve opposite LeAnn Rimes. What did you take away from working on that project, and with LeAnn?

That was such an amazing project to do. LeAnn is so incredibly kind, I loved getting to work with her. Since this was my first lead role and I was on set almost every day, what I really took away was observing the actions of others, cast and crew on set & behind the scenes. I learnt so much about professionalism, kindness, tone and how to set healthy boundaries for yourself. Kindness can go such a long way and a positive attitude can really change the tone of a set.

LeAnn taught me so much about spreading kindness and acting professional on a set. She really is such a role model and created such a positive energy on the set. Same with Tyler Hynes (who played Liam, my dad in the show) I learnt a lot from him too, he is so lovely.

You star as Sofia Bianchi in Global’s Family Law. What have you enjoyed about portraying Sofia so far, and do you have similarities with her?

I love playing Sofia, she is awesome. There are so many things I enjoy about portraying her. We are both teenagers so there is a lot I can relate to her with. She has made me feel not alone in some of the experiences we both have gone through. I am sure many teenagers watching the show will be able to relate to her as well, I am really grateful to be able to tell her story. She is very witty and smart so it’s really fun portraying that side of her too! Her short jabs to her mom are really fun to play with. She also has a really vulnerable side to her that we see more of throughout the series. It’s really fun exploring those deep emotions and opening her up throughout the series. We definitely have similarities. As mentioned we are both teenagers so I can relate a lot to the emotions she is feeling. We both are very caring people (though Sofia doesn’t show it as often) and we both aren’t afraid to stand up for ourselves or the people we love.

Tell me about your time on-set, and working with your on-screen family – Jewel Staite (Abigail), Luke Camilleri (Frank) and Brenden Sunderland (Nico)? What are a couple of your favourite memories?

I love my on-screen family, they are all so amazing! Working with them is so great and they are all kind and generous. I love sharing scenes with them. We talked a lot about food on set, favourite desserts or recipes. Jewel and Genelle [Williams] would often buy Honey Donuts whenever we were shooting in Deep Cove which is so incredibly nice of them. Honey’s Donuts were a favourite on set. Brendon was always telling us interesting facts or stories (much like Nico’s character), he’s really sweet. I learnt so much from Luke and Jewel about acting and the industry. I really enjoy our talks in the greenroom and on set. I am really grateful to be able to work alongside them, they are both incredibly lovely! Jewel and I also tend to have a lot in common fashion wise and interests in general.

What is it like working and interacting with legendary actors like Victor Garber and Lauren Holly?

Amazing! Victor and Lauren are both so incredibly kind. I was already huge fans of them before getting on the show so getting to work with them really is a dream come true. Lauren is so kind, funny, and so talented. I have learnt so much from her on set. Same with Victor, I have learnt so much from him too. They bring such a positive and warm energy to set. I am grateful to work with them. It’s still surreal to me that they are my tv grandparents.

A large part of Sofia’s storyline is her fractured relationship with her mother. Did you and Jewel talk about your characters ahead of time, and how their relationship will evolve during the course of Season 1?

Yes, definitely. We would sometimes rehearse lines or talk about the scene between takes. Or sometimes when getting a new script we would talk about Abby and Sofia’s relationship that episode. Lots of it just came on the day when we would film the scene. Playing off of each other or seeing what other layers we could bring in.

You handmade friendship bracelets as a Season 1 wrap gift, which is so sweet and creative! How’d you come up with the idea?

Yes! I already made bracelets in my free time, while watching a show or just as something to do. It was a little hobby of mine. I love having little mementos to remember events and thought the bracelets would be a great idea to remember season 1! Something we could all share and remember how special and fun filming season 1 was. I think they were a great hit with everyone.

Family Law is very much a family drama, but also has crime and comedy mixed in. For those who haven’t yet tuned in, how would you pitch the show to potential viewers?

I would pitch it as a dramedy that follows the story of Abigail Bianchi, a recovering alcoholic and lawyer slowly trying to put her life and family back together while also helping other families do the same. She’s forced to work with her estranged father and two half siblings she has never met while at the same time trying to patch things up with her husband and kids. The dysfunctional family at the law office is always helping other dysfunctional families and learning things along the way. Each character is so real and rooted with so much truth. Each person watching will be able to find themselves in the characters and the stories being told. You will laugh, you will cry, and learn that in the end we are all human.

Congratulations on the Season 2 renewal! You wrapped the second season in late August, while the first season has just premiered! Was it exciting to return to set, knowing you’d have an opportunity to further Sofia’s development?

Thank you so much! Yes, it was very exciting! I had gotten to know Sofia so much in season 1 that in season 2 I just got to dig so much deeper! I got to explore other sides of her and show the audience more of who Sofia is and her relationships.

You can also be seen as young Nancy Drew in the CW’s Nancy Drew. To play such an iconic character, what has that meant to you?

It meant a lot to me. I grew up reading the Nancy Drew books. Nancy Drew was another role model to me growing up, there was always a deep connection I had with her. So to be able to bring that to the screen means so much. I find myself so much in Nancy’s character and am really grateful to be able to be a part of her story. It also meant a lot to me because I know other young girls who look up to Nancy’s character and I hope they learn from her that they are powerful and can do whatever they set their mind to. I am really grateful that I was able to play Young Nancy Drew and it will forever hold such a special place in my heart.

You’ve also gotten to work with an older Nancy, lead actor Kennedy McMann. How special has it been to have her support and guidance?

Yes, she is amazing. It’s been so special to have her support and guidance. She is a large role model to me as well. She always looked out for me on set and I am really grateful for that. I learnt so much from her as well. She is a phenomenal actor so to work alongside her has been truly a blessing and she is so incredibly kind!

You’ve worked on numerous projects, including web series and independent short films (many being female-led). What do you enjoy about being a part of the vibrant B.C. film industry?

Yes! I love being a part of the B.C. film industry and working a lot on independent shorts because there is just so much joy, passion, and creativity. It’s amazing working with people who have a passion for storytelling, it’s therapeutic in a way and gives the storyteller an opportunity to tell their story their way. Working with such passionate people also allows my creative energy to flow and allows me to let so much go. I am also really grateful to have worked on so many female-led projects. Especially being young in the industry working with so many females has taught me about the power I have as a woman. But also it’s so important that female writers, directors, etc. are getting opportunities and their stories told.

How has it inspired you to pursue writing and directing in the future, and have you been able to shadow/ask questions on these projects?

It really inspired me. It showed me that I really can do whatever I set my mind to. It also showed me how much writing/directing our own stories can inspire so many other people. I was definitely able to ask questions on these projects and it’s inspiring to watch their passions come to life. 

The Directors/Writers/Storytellers on these independent projects, such as Andy Alvarez, Veronica Kurz, Meeshelle Neal, Leah Beaudry, Annette Reilly and Heather Perluzzo really taught me a lot and they welcomed my questions and curiosity. I honestly can’t wait to write and direct my own independent short in the very near future

Is there a dream role or character you would like to play in the future? If not character, are there any specific film/TV genres or franchises you would like to be in?

I would love to do a comedy or horror film. I really love those genres and haven’t explored them on screen as much. I would also love to do a period piece. The 70s or 80s would be awesome. I love exploring pop culture and trends of different time periods.

For other young actors like yourself, do you have any advice for how to be confident in front of the camera? What (or who) has helped you prepare for roles and work on your lines?

Totally. My main advice would be to have fun and trust yourself. Whenever we do anything our main goal should be joy. Of course preparing and such is important but joy should be our number one goal. Once we are working out of a place of fun, truth, and joy when we get to the camera we can trust ourselves and have that confidence. That also comes with working on mindset and mindfulness in our everyday lives. And also remember to be yourself! My acting coach and mentor Beatrice King really helped me prepare for roles. She taught me to make sure I am working from a place of joy and continues to inspire me. I also train year round by attending acting classes and private coaching, which I think is definitely an asset in growing your craft and confidence.

You also have a passion for music! How did this interest come about, and how long have you been singing and playing the guitar?

Singing really was always a part of my life but I formally started taking lessons about 4 years ago. I love singing, it’s such a beautiful form of expression. When I am having trouble expressing something through words I can turn to a song to help me release. I started playing the guitar during quarantine. I had played the ukulele for a few years and wanted to try something new and ended up loving it.

You performed “You and Me and Christmas” with LeAnn (Rimes) in your holiday film. You even joined LeAnn for a live performance that December! Tell us about that experience, what do you remember from that concert?

It was amazing. It was my first time singing live at a concert. The movie means so much to me so getting to share that experience with LeAnn on stage was wonderful. I remember being quite nervous, but LeAnn gave me some advice before going on stage. Singing live on the stage was truly magical, I will never forget the adrenaline and pure joy it was. I am really grateful to have that experience, especially with LeAnn.

As a poetry writer, are you writing your own music? If so, what can you share about your lyrics and what has inspired you?

I do love writing poetry, it’s such a beautiful form of expression. I have dabbled in songwriting but never have gone too deep into it. It’s definitely something I want to explore further.

We know Queen is your favourite band, but who are some other artists we can find on your playlist?

Yes! I love Queen, I grew up listening to a lot of 80s music so I think that’s one of the reasons I love Queen. I mean - Freddie Mercury is pretty awesome. On my playlist you will find artists such as Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo, Billie Eilish, Harry Styles and other 70s or 80s artists such as Abba, Billy Joel, Elton John, etc.

Your family has a wonderful pup, Finn, adopted from Fur Angels. What are some activities you enjoy doing with him? How would you encourage people to ‘adopt not shop’?

Finn loves swimming so often in the summer I love taking him to lakes to swim or in winter when it snows I love throwing snowballs for him. Like most dogs he loves belly rubs, walks or playing fetch. I always encourage people to look into adopting. There are lots of dogs who need forever homes and love. Lots of dogs in shelters who don’t get adopted sadly don’t end up making it. Finn is a rescue pup and I am really happy we were able to be his forever home.

What are some of your favourite places to visit or eat at in Vancouver?

Some favourite places to eat in Vancouver (which has been mostly take-out this past year and a half) are Agra Tandoori, Ragazzi Pizza, Neverland Tea Salon, Big Star Sandwich, or Casa Gelato! Highly recommend those places. I love to visit Lynn Valley for a nice hike. Downtown Vancouver is always fun. I also love Deep Cove and Granville Island.

Our signature question – if you could be any ice cream flavour, which would you be and why?

Love this question! If I could be any ice cream flavour it would be Raspberry Cheesecake. It’s one of my fav ice creams. It’s sweet with a tiny bit of tartness and combines the richness and softness of cream cheese, the sweetness of a raspberry, the nutty flavour and gritty texture of graham crackers to make a lovely combination that is both complicated, intriguing and delicious at the same time.

Thank you to Eden for taking the time to answer our questions about your projects and passions! Be sure to follow Eden on Twitter and Instagram for updates on her life and blossoming career! 

Family Law airs Fridays at 9 PM on Global TV. 

Photo credit (header and sixth image) to: Noah Asanias Special thanks to: M Public Relations