#so happy he became part of shrek’s friend group

[life-in-toontown]

Do you ever think about how dark it is that in the Shrek universe Geppetto basically sold his son to the cops

Like he even calls him “father” when the knights take him away, like holy shit

Everyone talks about how dark it is that Mama Bear is turned into Farquaad’s rug, and yes don’t get me wrong, that’s depressing and disturbing as fuck but I never see anyone mention this

[icipersona5-pricefamily]

Who are your Top 5 fave Phantom Thieves of Hearts?

It could be just one or two, but sometimes you can't help it, but to love all of them. But there's always a fave or two and sadly a dislike. But let's focus on the top faves. Honestly for me... it's hard to chose. I mean I have my two faves, but do I have my top 5 faves? 🤔 Hmm... well, most do share the same spots... And please don't be mad at choices! 🙏 We all can't like the same the thing or person after all. Anyway! I will expose my top 5 and be warn, there are spoilers, so I advise you not to look at the list until you played the games or seen the walk through. If you like to spoil yourself, go ahead....

5. Sophia/Sophie. Why her? Well, she's adorable and an AI who has a Persona. She's not the first technology thing to have one, of course. But I like her plot and how she's trying to learn what a heart is. She has YoYo as her weapon which is cool and despite many let downs, she had learn from her teammates and understand what it means to be a Phantom Thief of Hearts. As the story goes, she was slowly losing her robot like voice and to find out how she was created! I like it! I'm gonna miss her...

4. Futaba Sakura/Oracle (Navi in Japan). Why? I just like her personalities and how she's a great hacker while trying to be outgoing. (You can do it, Futaba!). She's funny and I love her siblings relationship with Ren/MC and Yusuke. Her past was so sad and I just wanna hug her. I am glad she has an adopted dad like Sojiro and how she was willing to change her heart to save him. I'm really glad in Royal she has her victory pose after the all out attack. I just wish she'd had one in Strikers when things are looking bad, she actives her showtime to fully heal the HP and SP. PS, I love her UFO like Persona!!

3. Yusuke Kitagawa/Fox. I love this dork! He is beautiful, such a soul of an artist and kinda gullible in most things. He's a sweetie and never miss an opportunity to art. What happened to him in the past and in P5, I wanna protect him. I'm glad the Phantom Thieves came in to help and he becomes one. His relationship with Futaba is funny. They're like siblings to each other (Sorry to those who shipped them!). And he's sort of the first for Futaba to interact with. I do worry about his money situation, but he seems to be doing okay. I really wish Atlus added that you could date guys, I mean they made you date older women, but not a guy at close age to? O.o Anyway, Yusuke is a funny and sweet guy, kinda naive but a good guy. Kudos to the voice actors, both English and Japanese.

2. Morgana/Mona & Ryuji Sakamoto/Skull. Eh? Two?! Hey, it's hard to chose, okay? =3= Now why? Let's start with Morgana... He's a talking cat and he's adorable! (Morgana: I'm NOT a cat) Hehe... Anyway! He's like a mascot yet he's strong and wise in most situations. Despite being a cat in the real world, he still hangouts with the team to join in the fun. I love how he's smitten over Ann yet acts like a gentleman (sometimes) towards her and the fact he can become a bus (and helicopter in Royal) is awesome! I feel bad about when Morgana started to feel useless to the team and no one notice it until Haru appears as a thief. But I am glad he'd came back and to learn his past, wow! I nearly cried at the end of P5. I kinda wish he a human form like Teddie, but at least he kinda did in Royal. And I really wish his cat sprite has more reactions and stuff. The fact his Persona is Zorro... pfft X3c It's like Puss in Boots in Shrek! Now, Ryuji... He's such a good boy with a temper, but he has reasons why. Despite that, he's a good friend and never abandons his friends. Thanks to the MC, he slowly becomes who he should be and I'd a funny guy. I feel bad that his track team treated badly because of what happened and I kinda get it, but still... Anyway! He's like the loyal friend who got your back and is willing to stand up for his friends, even his life to save them. He even didn't judge the MC and becomes his first friend of Shujin Academy. Now, why both on the top fave 2? Well, they always bicker at each other yet they kinda get along sometimes. They both are close to the MC and they're funny like Yosuke and Teddie in P4. Glad their relationship had grew in Strikers and the fact that they are not afraid to blunt insults to each other. At least they're good friends.

Now, the top most fave(s), drum roll please........................

1. Ren Amamiya/Akira Kurusu/Joker & Zenkichi Hasegawa/Wolf. Again another spot is share! And before Strikers, Joker is still my top fave then Zenkichi came in, it's a tied. Let's start with Ren. Ren is handsome! He's cool and mysterious! The plot for him is perfect and how his Persona is Arsene is even more perfect. The background of his shows how hard life is, despite doing something good, he get punish in the end? That's bull crap and everyone treated him like he's a bad boy when he's not. Thankfully, he made friends and people around soon learns he's not a bad boy at all. Ren is charmer and he's still the guy who is willing to help those in need, of course that's up to the player. I do wish in Strikers that it kinda shown his distrust and trauma of the police. I would protect him and make any cops stay a safe distance from him. (Sorry Zenkichi) At least he kinda got his life back thanks to his friends and allies. Did I mention I like him? Seriously I do! 🥰 He's handsome and his smile... Sorry! Now, Zenkichi... This guy is a goof ball, the only adult of Phantom Thieves of Hearts and is a cop! Well, PubSec. He's like Dojima and Sojiro in one, sort of. At first, I did distrust due to he's a cop and all, plus you know in P4 and with Goro. I wasn't sure about him until I had watch the walk through and when first seeing him and when he'd laughed, I thought 'I might like this guy, but let's wait and see'. Now, I thought he would be a comic relief which he sort of is while still not trusting him until we learn he's a dad and how he'd lost his wife which 'Wait! He's a dad and had a wife who was killed in hit and run? Dojima 2?!' OwO I was surprised. Of course, not exactly the same, but similar plot. We get to learn about his past, his relationship with his daughter and why he was using the Phantom Thieves for such case. I start to feel bad for him and his daughter, heck even the Phantom Thieves felt bad. At some point, I did started to like him and Zenkichi was starting to bond with them and they even started to think as him part of the team. Once Zenkichi reveals why he'd hadn't caught the killer, I truly feel bad and understand why he let the killer go. Then boom! He has a Persona that fits him perfectly and such a cool Phantom Thief attire! 😳 That's when I fallen for him 'Dang it! First Joker now him!' He became like a dad of the team, always reminded them that despite what happened to the Monarch, it's still wrong what they're doing now. Despite how old he is (He's in his 40s) he can still fight and is cool! Still a goof ball good looking guy. Now, why both on the same spot? .....I love both them equally! 😍 They're both cool, good looking and those smirks... How dare Atlus did this to me?! I love their Personas. I wish we could see them having bonding moments though. *clears throat* Anyway. Because how I like them, as always I had created OCs to be with them. Hehe 😅

Now, for the rest of Phantom Thieves of Hearts. I do love them all, truly. Makoto is cool and she's the mom of the group. Ann is good friend to hangout, plus she's caring about others who had suffered. Haru is a sweetie who has scary side to her (Do not let her drive). Goro is someone that you wish he had saved sooner and yes I did hate him but I feel bad for what happened to him. Sumire, I wasn't sure about we had learn her background and wow! What a twist. I did call her a hypocrite while I can see why she thought that the people don't help themselves when reality the thieves gives courage and they done something to move on with some help, unlike what she did but I get it and I do like her persona.

Who would I want to be part of the team? Hmm... Hifumi since she was gonna be part of the team, but sadly that was cut off. She would've been better as a thief. Maybe Mishima, maybe! Sojiro... What?! It would've been cool, although he isn't young as he use to be, still. Lastly Maruki. I am surprised he doesn't count to be part of the team, but I guess it's because his Persona was kinda controlling him (I can't remember 😅) and didn't join the team. He would've been a neat addition to team, being a dad/uncle of the group. I feel bad for the guy and I get why did all that yet what about him? Doesn't he deserve to be happy to? Also... what happened to his girlfriend after the Metaverse vanishes in Royal? Anyway, he still like a sweet guy to me and I kinda wish Royal was mentioned in Strikers, but Strikers is technically a sequel/spin off to P5 since Strikers was part of P5, but it was too long and got cut. Hence of no mentioning of Royal.

Whew! Anyway! No hate on this, not everyone agrees with my choices and it's different from everyone opinions. But what about you guys? Got top faves and wish who would've been part of the team??

[fourteen-teacups]

A Night Out - Part 3

Thank you so much for your continued support! As promised, the ‘prop’ that started it all can be found in this installment. I had a lot of fun writing this section and am very grateful to Ginchy and Birdy for their extremely constructive feedback!

The next week and a half passed in no time at all with the staff run off their feet due to a record number of deliveries. Still, Trixie had managed to make good on her promise and the notices for the ward staff were on display rather quickly, informing those who were interested of an exciting evening at a local club which featured karaoke. Shelagh had, in fact, heard of karaoke, even though it was the last thing she would have ever chosen to participate in. Remembering her promise to herself, she reasoned that she could still go along but would manage to linger on the periphery. A handful of the younger members of the medical team had enthusiastically committed to attend; this included several of the other young nurses and a few orderlies plus their respective partners. 

When the night arrived, although some had planned to meet at the club, Shelagh and the other nurses just getting off of their shifts intended to ready themselves in the staff changing room then leave straight from the hospital. The time spent preparing, with the addition of giggles while helping each other with attire and primping, served to ease her nerves a bit, and gave her the opportunity to become more comfortable with her colleagues. By the time the group left the hospital in a rush of excitement, she began to feel a thrill at the prospect of finally being part of what in the past she had only been a witness to.

Once at the club, her nerves were back in full force and she wondered why she had agreed to this in the first place. Sensing her discomfort, Jenny and Trixie made sure that she and Cynthia had proper drinks, a half pint of cider and a Pimm’s cocktail respectively, and found the four of them an out of the way table that was still near their co-workers. Cynthia helped soothe her anxiety by steering the conversation towards a safe topic, the upcoming hospital benefit. Shelagh’s church held the annual fete and she soon felt at ease discussing the plans and preparations. After offering to assist with the cakes stand and tombola, the young nurses quickly turned to considering which interesting young men could be expected to be in attendance.

“Will the new curate be there?” Trixie wanted to know, eyebrows raised over the rim of her glass. Shelagh was sure he would be.

“Or the chap in the dispensary?” Cynthia asked shyly. Jenny, kind enough to let that go, was more concerned about the junior doctors from the Children’s Ward.

Trixie spoke up innocently, but with a mischievous glint in her eye, “What about our own doctors?”

“What about them?” Jenny retorted, passing her drink from one hand to the other, “they’re all married!”

“Not all of them…” she teased. Shelagh colored slightly and looked away.

“Trixie…” Cynthia warned, and the matter was dropped in favor of a toast to the first successful Obstetric Ward’s Night Out.

Half-way through her cider, Shelagh found she was pleasantly relaxed and enjoying her time with the girls, even as she knew that the alcohol was partly the reason behind this. As much as she liked feeling less uncomfortable around them, she reminded herself that relying on any outside source for confidence was very risky, and she would not make a habit of it. She was brought out of her reverie when Trixie jumped up from the table and, just as quickly, returned brandishing a packet of paper.

“These are our choices!” she announced, dropping a stack of what appeared to be lists in the midst of their glasses.

Shelagh was confused, “Choices?”

“For the song we’re going to sing,” Jenny enlightened her while reorganizing their drinks to make room for the sheets of paper.

“Oh, I wasn’t intending to sing,” Shelagh informed her, noting that Cynthia didn’t look too keen either.

“Well, of course we’re going to sing something,” Trixie enthused, “that’s what made this idea stand out and it’s the reason I chose it!” She spread out the lists in front of them, running her finger down the rows of words.

“And we’ll be singing as a foursome,” Jenny reassured, “so there’s no need for anyone to be nervous.” Her pointed look included both Cynthia and Shelagh.

The two in question shared a helpless glance, even as Shelagh became aware that this idea sounded much less intimidating than it had a week ago. Again, she credited this to her mild intoxication, unless perhaps this was a delightful consequence of being ‘one of the girls.’ She hid a secret smile at the thought.

Trixie was calling out options, “We can do something from a musical, Shrek’s always fun...or go with a classic, they have loads from The Beatles.”

“How about something more recent, there’s Maroon 5,” Jenny suggested, leaning over to see the choices, “or Caro Emerald.”

“Oh, I like her!” Shelagh interjected, surprising even herself with her response.

Trixie raised her eyebrows as she passed her the song list, “Do tell, then! Which do you fancy singing?”

“Let’s see,” she murmured while perusing the list, “Tangled Up is a fun one, or they have That Man...”

Trixie and Jenny shared a smirk as they reached for their drinks.

“Oh, this one’s very catchy, do you know Dr Wanna Do?” Shelagh asked, but was startled by Jenny’s giggles and Trixie choking on her cocktail. Cynthia was out of her seat in a heartbeat, making sure her friend was alright.

“I’m fine,” Trixie reassured, “but thank you. Now Shelagh, that is precisely the song we should sing tonight!” she twinkled, shooting a meaningful look at the two other girls.

“Absolutely it is!” Jenny grinned in agreement. Then added, in response to the perplexion on Shelagh’s face, “isn’t it?”

“I’m not sure what you mean,” she answered primly.

“I should think more than one nurse has had a crush on a doctor,” Jenny explained, a little defensively.

“You did just admit that you have your cap set for the pediatric specialists,” giggled Cynthia, giving her Pimm’s a stir.

“True,” Jenny accepted, “but I wondered if maybe it wasn’t just me...”

Shelagh pursed her lips, then added quietly, “I’m not sure this conversation is entirely appropriate.”

Trixie, attempting to turn things around before they lost all the ground they had made with Shelagh, came to the rescue, “The main thing is, we’re nurses; we should most certainly be singing about doctors!” The tension broke, and laughter encircled the table.

Shelagh relaxed again, “Then we’re all in agreement.” She turned to Cynthia and mistakenly interpreting her uncomfortable expression as nervousness, began to uncharacteristically be the one to offer reassurance about their upcoming performance.

Twenty minutes later, the little group made their way onto the stage. The introductory music began to play and Shelagh was caught up in the rhythm and instrumentals, happy they had decided on this lively number. Before she knew it, it was time to sing; they started out a little wobbly with all four of them giggling and muddling the words and she looked to the others for confidence as she tried to pretend the audience wasn’t there.

I just made an appointment

For a special rendezvous

To see a man of miracles

And all that he can do

I checked in at reception

Put my hat onto my lap

And when he walked in dressed in white

I had a heart attack

As they reached the end of the first verse, it was obvious to all that Shelagh was an excellent singer. The three other nurses eyed each other in surprise but stepped back, effectively taking the role of backup singers while non-verbally offering Shelagh the lead.

My eyes went ooh

My voice just cooed

My mind let loose

I’ll stay forever, it’s up to you

As the song continued, Shelagh rose to the challenge, truly enjoying the opportunity, her voice bright and clear.

Doctor I want you

Ooh, my Doctor Wanna Do

I can’t get over you

Dr do anything that ya Wanna Do

xxxxxxxxxxx

Patrick’s shift ended late in the evening as he added the files from the day to the growing stack on the corner of his desk, realising he had reached his limit for the night. He promised himself he would get to them first thing next morning. Walking out of the ward, he sighed, knowing he just had an empty flat to look forward to due to Tim’s last minute invitation to spend the night at Jack’s. He waved a quiet goodbye to the women in the nurses’ station, and as he did so he caught sight of the staff night advertisements. Although he had originally declined to attend, he now thought he might just stop by, seeing as he had nothing else of worth in line for the evening. Doubling back he found some only briefly worn street clothes in his locker, which he deemed appropriate enough for the occasion, then chose to walk to the club, allowing the mild weather to clear his head as he transitioned from another taxing workday to a rather unexpected pause for leisure.

Walking into the establishment he headed for the bar and put in his order for a pint. He could hear a giggling group of female voices starting their karaoke number, the tune was catchy but they stumbled over the beginning lyrics. He shared a few words with the barman as the giggling subsided and a single, stronger voice took the lead in the melody, while the others faded back. As he paid for his drink he chuckled, realising ironically that their cheeky song was about a doctor.

Taking a first sip of his drink, he turned to the makeshift stage and leant against the bar, then swallowed hard as he realised that several of the nurses from Obstetrics were the performers. Nurse Mannion it seemed was the one with the stellar voice; standing somewhat in front of Nurses Franklin, Miller and Lee, she was handling the song with a confidence he had seen from her only in professional situations. Had he ever seen her dressed in something other than scrubs? Gazing at her now, in close fitted black trousers and a slightly looser fitting blouse, he was absolutely sure he had not. Her petite figure was normally obscured by the baggy uniform the nurses wore, but here her stature and her appealing curves were clearly evident. The flushed complexion, which his diagnostic eye attributed to a combination of nerves, alcohol and performance energy, enhanced her features with a captivating glow. He had to make a conscious effort to close his mouth, then ran his hand over the hair at the back of his neck while at the same time sparing a sidelong glance to see if anyone had noticed his admiring stare. Immediately, his eyes were drawn back to the platform.

I sat down and I waited

Til I heard my name get called

It’s like I’m at the races

And I think I won them all

He asked me to step forward

First I caught my breath, and ran

For endless observation

In the hands of Superman

She really was an accomplished singer, he observed, and the way she moved as she delivered the lyrics was...well, the word that came directly to mind was sexy. He had occasionally registered her beauty, but had not given much more thought to it out of practicality, he assumed. But now as he watched her he couldn’t help but notice it in the subtlety of her pouting lips, the way her hips moved ever so slightly as she swayed to the music, her gestures as she acted out the meaning behind the words; she was mesmerizing. Exhibited by another woman, these actions would hardly have registered but, given her usual restraint, her understated movements were not only clear but completely beguiling. He cleared his throat and set down his forgotten pint, continuing to enjoy her performance. Every so often she raised her arm and pointed to emphasize a line, not at anyone in particular, just off to the side or an empty corner. She was not aware of his presence, none of his colleagues were, but in that moment he knew that if she pointed at him he would be hard pressed not to act upon it.

My eyes went ooh

My voice just cooed

My mind let loose

I’ll stay forever, it’s up to you

Doctor I want you

Ooh, my Doctor Wanna Do

I can’t get over you

Dr do anything that ya Wanna Do

His physical reaction when she sang that last line was as surprising to him as it was powerful. Again he glanced around him as he shifted his stance in an effort to conceal his body’s response. He carded a hand through his fringe, then ran his finger around his collar in an effort to loosen it. When had it gotten so warm in here? His dress shirt felt slightly damp and looking down he noticed it was a bit crumpled as well. Sustaining himself with a large gulp from his pint he briefly wondered if he ought to leave, but she was still singing and he was effectively entranced.

Come over here and give me some medicine

Move a little closer so my head can spin

A little bit of potion makes my fever go

Get it outta me like a volcano

My eyes went ooh

My voice just cooed

My mind let loose

Ooh, Dr Love

Doctor I want you

Ooh, my Doctor Wanna Do

I can’t get over you

Dr do anything that ya Wanna Do

He watched as their number ended to appreciative applause plus a bit more enthusiasm coming from the St Cuthbert’s staff seated off to one side. The four nurses, giggling with what looked to be relief as much as triumph, met in a group hug before bouncing back to their seats. He remained where he was by the bar, stunned by what he had just witnessed not only on the stage but within himself. It was definitely time for him to leave before anyone from the hospital noticed he was there. He wasn’t at all confident he could as yet form words into sentences. Leaving his unfinished drink he slipped outside, once again thankful for the cool night air and the brisk walk back to the car park, he needed the distraction of the empty streets as much as the time to think.

How had he never noticed her in this way before? She had been in his life as a co-worker for, what was it, six months? He hadn’t really even viewed her as a friend; he saw her instead as an accomplished medical professional otherwise relegated to the background of his mind most likely due to her shyness and reservation. Yet, now that he thought about it, he had at times observed her remarkable tenderness with terrified patients and at others an uncanny wit that surprised him. And then there was her relationship with Timothy, if he had to describe it, it was almost beautiful. He stopped himself, his appreciation was getting too personal and there was no point in going there; she was his colleague, what was wrong with him? She was a young woman, who surely had admirers her own age, and this bordered on indecent. He tried to file such thoughts away, but everything he had seen and felt tonight refused to be quieted. He would take one more lap around the hospital before finding his car, then drive home to the empty flat where he already knew no sleep would be waiting for him.

I was introduced to this song thanks to a reblog from @thatginchygal of a post by @sincerelygeertje . The song is a must listen for Turnadette fans everywhere and was my inspiration for this fic! 

[norton-addiction]

London. Belleville. Norton

Part 2. Meeting with James Norton

We exited the auditorium and spent some time in a bar cause we thought we had a time before actors came out of  a dressing room and went down in lobby. I took a place near the exit, auditorium entrance, passage to wc and a door marked No admittance.

And then the door opened, Malachi and Faith got out of the room. I couldn't believe my eyes, just stayed and glazed at them for a moment. Only 10 minutes after the play left, nobody was there except a couple of people behind me at the bar, some other viewers were in lobby, waiting for actors. I went up to them and we had a nice talk. I said I saw them on TV, complimented their play and underline the high points.

When Malachi and Faith left, we decided not to hurry and stayed in the bar. Just in a minute the door with No admittance opened again, and James with Imogen entered the room.

James was in a coat and glasses, with a sharp look in the eye. I unrolled a handmade poster and looked above it at James (with eyes like the cat from Shrek). The look on the James face changed and he went up to me with words “Oh, it’s you?” and hugged me.

After that moment the most interesting part began. 🔥 I gave a small gift to James, then we observed my poster.

I reproved him a little with a smile about the fact that he didn't pay any attention to a one-year anniversary of our Twitter group. James became very serious and said that it's a shame on him and disgusting, but, take it easy, he is pretty far along from all that social media, just logging in, pressing some buttons and logging out. So all that I expected it to be, not perfect, but that's not my rules in a game.

Then all of us went up to bar, James dropped off his coat on the floor (exactly that herringbone black-and-white coat from Saint Petersburg, he said that), I breathed out and did the same with my puffy coat.

James became clear there was no way back when I asked him to sign autographs for many of his fans and to shoot a short video for Russian speaking fans.

There was a funny incident during signing autographs. James began to write and said it's uncomfortable because the marker dried up. I was in a step from panic but James offered to bring another marker, and ran away. I shared a look with my friend, our thoughts was the same: he wouldn't come back. But a few minutes later James returned with a new marker in his hand! We kept things going. What a guy! 😍

Next step was to shoot a video. I asked James to tell whatever he wants, Hello or Happy New Year. He concentrated fast and said a proper text. There was a mess around, it wasn't so easy, I got a bit hacked off, you can see how I've trying to make thought together and to listen to my “perfect” English...🙈 The one thing I asked him about was to say this letter is for Russian speaking fans, but he uttered it like “for Russian fans”. I don't want to nitpick, he already remembered and did enough. So this short video is for all of you who understands Russian language.

After we've shot the first video James asked me – why I announced it in English if the video is for Russian speaking people? Just because of this we shot one more part.

I flatter myself that James spent so much time with me also because I told to him I read the script on the play. I complained on 4 stars, but he said it's nothing, don't care about it. I supposed that it's connected with a no large-scale of the performance. It's not a Shakespeare but a modern small play. He just nodded “yes, maybe”. I complimented the cast and the play and he was listening to it very carefully.

It's not a surprise I was very nervous. But in that 10 minutes (or just about it) I could collect my thoughts to talk calmly and to do a maximum of the important things. Some of them went out of my mind though I was prepared. For example, I didn't asked about a few screen caps from behind the scenes “War and peace”. Just, just... the way we are.

What else I can say? James Norton is a very nice and charming person. He is attentive and sincere, laughs openly and playful, with his head back. 

You feel like he talks to you not for advertising, for you can be useful as a fan, but just to make you feel pleasant. I believe he is kind of a person who just loves people.

Thanks to the Donmar theater, to the director and all of the cast for giving me a pleasure. I had a great time with the play Belleville. Thanks to James personally for his time, I'll never forget it. I want him to have a luck – those, who makes people happy deserves all the best.

Have a good year, all of you. I want your dreams come true – sometimes it actually happens.

Part 1 of my story is here

[oldvillagecrone]

IT’S GONNA TAKE A LOT TO DRAG ME AWAY FROM YOU

Pairing: Reddie with background Stenbrough and Mike/Ben + lesbian!Bev

Word Count: 1904

Prompt: modern, college, soulmate au

Warning: mention of childhood abuse (but only in the past – not major theme)

Dedication: my faves in the loser club gc !!!!

__________

 Eddie Kaspbrak had a full ride to UMAINE. It wasn’t because his grades were ridiculously amazing ( though he was in the honors program, so his grades definitely helped ) but because of his rather unfortunate situation. The full ride came because of his independent student status, because he wasn’t living at home, because his mother was ruled unfit to take care of him for numerous reasons that would leave him forever scarred. From the time Eddie was fifteen, he was living under the roof of his best friend Stan’s house.

Eddie loved Mr. and Mrs. Uris. They took care of him and asked for nothing in return. They didn’t even force Eddie to go to the Synagogue with them; those few trips before ultimately deciding that religion wasn’t for him had been Eddie’s choice.

Despite their anxieties, Eddie and Stan had decided it would be best for them not to room together. Eddie’s roommate was an attractive, tall boy that looked as though he’d be the perfect actor to play a leading role in a romance film. Mike Hanlon was a football player and a History major, but Eddie didn’t care about all of that. What he cared about was the fact that Mike wasn’t a homophobic dick.

The first night at UMAINE, while they spent their day unpacking and organizing, Mike asked Eddie the question Eddie had been dreading his whole life.

“Have you met your soulmate yet?”

Eddie snorted bitterly, thinking of what an asshole his soulmate must be. Because every god damn day, the words to All Star by Smash Mouth went blaring through his head, meaning his soulmate must have been listening to that god forsaken Shrek song. Why couldn’t he have a soulmate like Stan’s who quietly sang Ed Sheeran and John Mayer in the mornings and night in a sweet voice.

And the things Eddie knew about his soulmate didn’t make him feel all that inclined to meeting the bastard. For example, he knew that at the age of twelve his soulmate tried to smoke in order to look cool ( Eddie hated that ). Eddie also knew that when his soulmate was sixteen, he got punched in the face by a senior for mouthing off. Eddie knew that his soulmate was a complete trashmouth that was constantly looking for trouble, and that was something Eddie didn’t want. He didn’t need trouble. He didn’t have room for it in his life.

“No,” Eddie finally answered, biting down on the inside of his cheek. “What about you?”

“Yeah,” Mike said, his smile stretching across the span of his face. His dark eyes sparkled with utter happiness that made Eddie melt a little. “He, uh, his name is Ben and he’s an architect major.”

He. Instantly, every ounce of worry and doubt were gone from Eddie’s body. He beamed at Mike.

“That’s awesome, Mike!” Eddie said happily. “I’d love to meet him.”

Before Mike could respond, there was an angry hammering at the door.

“EDDIE!” Stan’s voice yelled.

Eddie and Mike shared a grimace. Mike, being closer, opened the door and Stan came stomping in, absolutely red in the face.

“I’m gonna kill him,” Stan seethed, fists balled at his sides.

“Who?”

“My roommate!” Stan exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. “He’s messy, he’s loud, he’s obnoxious— completely unorganized— it’s just awful, Eddie!”

“I’m sorry?” Eddie said.

He wasn’t really sure how to fix Stan’s problem. He wasn’t even sure if he could fix Stan’s problem.

“I needed to get out,” Stan groaned. He gestured loosely to Eddie’s bed. “Can I sit?”

“Knock yourself out,” Eddie said, holding back a small grin as he looked at Mike. “Mike, this is Stan. Stan, this is Mike.”

Both boys said ‘hi’ at the same time and offered the same brand of awkward smiles. After a moment, Mike clapped his hands together and offered to order a pizza.

 __

 Mike’s soulmate, Ben, had been in Eddie’s English class. Ben was a polite kid, quiet and very cute. Despite only having known them for a very short time, Eddie could tell that Ben and Mike were kind of perfect for each other. In Eddie’s math theory class ( the class for all the kids that hated math took and only took because it was a requirement they had to fill ), there was a vibrant girl named Bev with short cropped hair and a backpack decorated with all kinds of political and pride buttons. As the professor droned on and on, Bev told Eddie all about the pride club she had been a part of at her high school back in Portland.

After the day ended, Eddie and Mike made their way into the cafeteria. Ben was waiting for them by the front door and greeted the two with a smile before placing a small kiss on Mike’s cheek. Eddie watched the two interact with a soft smile on his lips, wishing more than anything for something like that someday soon.

Bev’s vibrant orange hair stuck out in the crowd. Grinning, Eddie called her name and waved her over to the table he was sitting at with Mike and Ben.

“Hey, Eddie,” Bev said. She winked at Ben as she pulled out a chair and dropped her body into it. “How was your day?”

“Pretty good. What about you?”

“I was hoping the fashion department would be… more. You know?”

As a matter of fact, Eddie didn’t know. But he nodded anyway. And, anyways, he was more distracted by Stan walking and talking with a very tall, very attractive boy with sandy brown hair and bright blue eyes wearing a purple and white baseball style shirt. Eddie caught Stan’s eyes and wiggled his eyebrows. Stan flushed and glared at Eddie before mumbling something to the boy. The two approached the table and sat down.

“Bill!” Bev cried happily, greeting the attractive boy with a grin as he sat down next to Stan.

“B-bev, hey,” Bill said, smiling.

“I’m never gonna give you up / never gonna let you down / never gonna run around and / desert you”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Eddie groaned, kneading at his temples with his knuckles.

“What?” Mike asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I’m getting rickrolled by my freaking soulmate!”

Stan snorted and smirked at Eddie teasingly.

“Does th-thu-that happen off-f-often?” Bill asked Eddie, sounding genuinely curious.

“Way too often,” Eddie huffed. “And he has a good voice too, which makes the whole thing even more annoying.” Eddie rolled his eyes up to the heavens and sighed. “What about you two—” he gestured to Bev and Bill “—what are your soulmates like?”

“She sings a lot of Hayley Kiyoko,” Bev said with a wistful smile. “She’s a history major at BC and she’ll be wearing black high tops when I meet her.”

“That’s adorable,” Eddie couldn’t help but gush. “What about you, Bill?”

“He s-sings a lot of indie m-music,” Bill said. “And he l-l-luh-likes birds.”

Instantly, Eddie and Stan looked at each other, eyes wide. Sure, there were a lot of boys that liked indie music and birds, but it seemed a little too convenient. If Eddie were a betting man, he would’ve bet a million dollars on Stan being Bill’s soulmate. Stan gave Eddie a warning look, so Eddie kept his mouth shut and quickly typed out a text to Stan under the table.

Just then, a loud voice filled the air.

“Bevvie! Big Bill! Stan the Man!”

Eddie watched as Stan’s soul practically died as a tall, gangly boy with dark curls and thickly framed glasses approached the table. This must’ve been the roommate. Well, in any case, Stan’s roommate was hot.

Eddie’s phone buzzed in his pocket.

FROM STAN: I’m gonna kermit

Eddie snorted quietly and looked up at Stan, rolling his eyes. Stan’s roommate pulled up a chair, forcing himself between Bev and Bill, and began talking loudly and animatedly.

FROM STAN: I pity the poor soul that ends up with him

This time, Eddie laughed loudly. All eyes at the table were on him. His face burned.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Funny text.”

“Wowzah,” Stan’s roommate said in a funny voice. “Nice to meet’cha, gorgeous. I’m Richie.”

Richie stuck his hand out for Eddie to shake. Eddie hesitated. Even though he hadn’t seen her in three years, his mother’s voice was still screaming in his head about the dangers of germs and bacteria and other people. Bile surged in his throat, a nasty reminder of the sicknesses he supposedly had and the pills that had been forced down his throat in a number of different ways.

Stan was watching Eddie carefully, ready to pounce on Richie if Eddie even began to remotely break down in microscopic ways.

Instead, Eddie smiled and shook Richie’s hand.

“I’m Eddie.”

 __

 To Stan’s shock and annoyance, Eddie and Richie became fast friends. They spent a ridiculous amount of time together. While everyone else in their friend group had assumed Eddie’s presence would have calmed Richie down, they were bitterly wrong. The two boys egged each other on, growing exceedingly rowdy in each other’s presence.

On the outside, Eddie was as put together as Stan, but on the inside he was quite similar to Richie. Eddie Kaspbrak was a genuine hot mess, and Richie Tozier brought out the messiest side of him. While a hindrance to Stan’s sanity, Eddie found Richie to be freeing.

One chilly October night, while Mike was out of the room, Eddie and Richie were huddled together on Eddie’s best, sipping out of a bottle of cheap vodka Richie had conned a senior into buying for them.

“Tell me about your soulmate, Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie requested.

Richie’s glasses weren’t on his face and Eddie wasn’t quite sure where they had ended up. All Eddie could focus on was how close Richie was, and how little he cared about the germs he was picking up from sipping from the same bottle as Richie.

“He’s annoying,” Eddie said, frowning. “He sings stupid songs and gets punched because he doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut.”

“Sounds like me,” Richie said, grinning obnoxiously at Eddie and leaning in.

Eddie scoffed. I wish.

“Tell me about yours,” Eddie said.

“He’s sings a lot of eighties music and pop. He’s a real dweeb too, you know? A genuine hypochondriac! This morning, oh, this was great—this morning I woke up because he was singing Africa. IT’S GONNA TAKE A LOT TO TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU!” Richie crooned, leaning into Eddie.

Eddie felt his face burn. He was singing that song this morning, and pissing Mike off as he did so. Suddenly, he felt painfully sober. His mouth was dry and his throat was uncharacteristically sore.

“I— I— I— Rich—”

“Get on with it, Eds!” Richie moaned, slopping some of the vodka out of the bottle.

“I was singing Africa this morning,” Eddie said.

Nothing else mattered in the world, because Richie’s lips were soon sloppily pressed to his. The bottle crashed to the floor and the scent of vodka filled the air but Eddie couldn’t bring himself to care about that ( or the germs ) as his lips worked against Richie’s. In the morning, Eddie decided, he would throttle Richie for singing so many meme songs. But for now, in this perfect moment of drunken first kisses, Eddie didn’t want to talk.

____________________

[snowflakebyyou]

the past. (names have been changed)

I thought I would write up a little blurb of every boy or man in my life that has affected the way I date or look at love, in one way or another, big or small.  A virtual diary . Whether it be a random hook up or my only relationship. They’re in here if they made enough of a mark to stay with me.

First, we have Jack! My first childhood crush that lasted all through primary school. I was a little over obsessed with this boy, for years too, and everyone knew. In year 6 my best friend started ‘going out’ with him. Not that at the age of 11 it means anything but wow did I hate them BOTH! I swear from that, I held onto whatever anger it brought out in me. And through high school it was the biggest betrayal if my friend went after or got with the guy I liked or had been with. Now I know things change and so do people because I have been guilty of doing this to some friends. But something so little in my childhood affected me because I ignored it instead of dealt with the feelings it caused me to have. And from here my trust issues formed!!!! Love that for me.

My HS group had boys join in and we kind of became a family- that kissed, so inbred. I had Kai in my maths class, and John in my English. I’ll tell the John story in enough detail to understand but not all of it because I’ll write a novel. I’ll add Liam into the John story because they kind of overlap.

John.. We had English together and he was really good at it. I didn’t really ever look at him as more than a friend for a while. We had group gatherings and mutual friends but that was it. He was close with my friend Layla, and told her he liked me, and loved that I didn’t give a shit what anybody thought (which will be one of the reasons he ends up resenting me). I of course loved this information, but still feeling awkward didn’t really know what to do with it. We kind of had a few catch ups outside of school, we had a Valentines’ day together, where he bought me my favourite chocolate, lollies, a candle, a flower and drew me a picture of donkey from Shrek (at the time I had told him I loved donkey). An extremely thoughtful gesture and of course I didn’t know how to act- so I gave him an awkward hug and that was that. All this time Kai had a crush on me but I was unaware. Things with John never became anything really – I can’t really remember why but I think I felt too uncomfortable and didn’t understand my feelings, and I hurt him. Then Liam came along. Liam was a bit older than me, that I had always thought was a cutie. We started hanging out and I thought he had this ‘bad boy’ vibe to him, so I put the thought of John in the back of my mind, and moved on.

Liam was so sweet to me always; I loved his family and we got on really well. The problem was for me, was I was still young, and not ready for things that he needed me to be ready for. This caused a lot of problems for us while we were together.  Along with me just being a horrible bitch to him even though he tried his best to make me happy always. I deep down knew I wasn’t ready for the relationship that Liam was ready for, and the entire time I still had no closure on my feelings with John, it was a recipe for disaster. While I was still with Liam, we were at a party with all my friends- including John. My friend Talia and John got with each other and I got upset, which I shouldn’t have because I HAD A BOYFRIEND! Worst person ever I know. Anyway, because I was upset by it, the next day Liam broke down and was really emotional questioning me if I liked John, I got defensive and shut it down immediately, even though I knew the truth. i couldn’t explain it, but I replayed the night he kissed Talia, over and over and it just broke my heart, but why?. ANYWAY. Liam and I were officially together for about 4 months, unofficially about 6? I broke up with him in March 2015 (for timeline context). About 2 weeks later----- John and I were at a beach party and he said “ What would you do if I kissed you right now”, and I was like “lol I’d punch you” , and he said “you’d better get ya fist ready”, BUTTERFLIESSSS AM I RIGHT!? So yeah, we kissed and it was really cute and yeah. From then on, I went back to being confused about my feelings, I knew I liked him, and liked him a lot, but something was holding me back. I was a super insecure high school girl then and was unsure of everything. It was hard but it kind of went back and forth until things just stopped working and we ended up resenting each other. And after he left school it was just different. We got with each other here and there but that was it. Then the next year, as I love to be toxic. I convinced John to go for Talia again, I assured him I wouldn’t care and pretty much forced him, (this was at his house while we made each other dinner). We got to a friend’s party and let’s just say shit got fucked from there – he took Talia for a “walk” and they got together. I was so angry, I was upset, I cried and broke a light??? So of course, I knew Kai liked me, and I had a bit of a crush at this stage but nothing compared to how I felt for John, just an attraction lets say. Anyway, we went ‘looking for them’, and ended up getting with each other, and I know I did it to get at John, and from then on, we almost became rivals. I hated him and Talia together, but they just kept at it, as they were more than entitled to do, I just didn’t like it. John did check in with me but I always said I didn’t care, then I’d cry myself to sleep. It was so toxic and hard and just way too much.

For context they got with each other in May 2016. Then came formal. Talia asked John – NOW back when we used to talk, John and I said, if we’re both single for year 12 formal, that he will be my date. So that was uncomfortable for me and I felt SO shit about it, that I asked a random friend from another school, Blake, so I wouldn’t have to go alone. I hated seeing them together, because I so badly wanted to be with him.... even better I knew we had a trip planned at the end of the year together.

LETS SKIP TO THIS TRIP BEING THE WORST TIME OF MY LIFE and I’ll only tell the bit that matters, and it’s that Talia lost her virginity to John just before schoolies, yet NO ONE told me, so we all stayed in the same villa and everyone knew but me- UNTIL WE PLAYED NEVER HAVE I EVER so I found out in front of every one of our friend’s at schoolies and I KICKED OFF. like I literally felt every ounce of my body go numb, my heart SHATTEREDDDDD.I cried and yelled I was so hurt and I couldn’t understand how I felt I was fucked. It was like the air around me got thin and my chest was caving in. I felt this horrible burning feeling in my stomach and I honestly just wanted to die. I don’t think I’ve felt like that since, and honestly I just wanted to bury myself in the sand. The next day I made up with Talia for the sake of the trip but afterwards it took me years to forgive her, and even to this day I find it hard to be friends with her. John asked how I felt about it, about HIM AND HER HAVING SEX?! Like yeah dude I’m so stoked about it well done!!? Dumbass.

So that’s the John and Liam story, John and I had a history and we now don’t know each other, Liam and I are actually good friends still and I’m close with his sisters. That shit fucked me up so bad sometimes I think about it and am so proud that I got over that part of my life because that was harddddd. I learnt that my actions affect more than just me, I learnt to be alone isn’t the worst thing. I learnt how hard relationships are when you’re not 100% in it. I learnt I need to consider other people’s feelings as well as my own, and to be open about them. Its 2020 now and I’ve only just scratched the surface of understanding how to communicate my feelings properly. But it started here. I really learnt what it felt like to be heartbroken and to feel like I’ll never get over something. And I know now that I can.

NOW Kai- touched base in the John paragraph about Kai so let’s just say we hooked up a few times, and he’s definitely on my Top 3 best kisses, the French know how to kiss. But it was toxic the next couple years after we left school it was a random hook-up and he got a bit full of himself so I didn’t like who he became and he hated me too, he was such a honey in school. SO that’s Kai, not gonna lie would def still get with him but not fussed if not. I just learnt not to trust someone will always be who you first met and that’s ok.

Mali! A friend from mid high school who I got with during all my messes. Then we continued to get with each other for a few years. TOXIC Was the best word for us. We both liked each other (I think) but always seemed me more than him. It went back and forth for years, sometimes we wouldn’t talk for months then get back to getting with each other again. The last time we got with each other, we hadn’t talked for at least 6 months! I was out with Lilli and he saw me and I think I ignored him; so, he came up to talk and it ended with me choking up about to cry so he suggested we leave the club and talk outside. From there we basically fought for two hours straight in the middle of Manly corso with Lilli and his friend standing there watching. We went back and forth and he told me he had missed me since we hadn’t talked, which I thought wtf random for him to say. ANYWAY, stupid Aria, he ended up back at mine, and we got with each other, cuddled for a bit then he went home. It was really nice tbh and my favourite thing about Mali was that I was comfortable with him and I knew he wouldn’t take advantage of me. The next day when he texted me, it ended the same way it always did, he didn’t want anything more and I couldn’t handle it. I especially couldn’t handle rejection because I thought we’d always like each other. So that was another fight which then eventually turned into a huge break and decided it was way better to be friends. And now we are so all is chill. From him I learnt a lot about myself, a lot about my trust issues. I learnt that I can be comfortable around a guy and that someone else will eventually be that for me, in a better and more loving way, I just have to be patient.

Now, Taj. I’m missing some people along the way but as I said I’m going through people who affected me enough for my memory to hold onto them. So, Taj is a friend of a friend. And to start with I didn’t look at him twice, thought he was a typical rich kid with too much money and I didn’t really give a shit about him. We got with each other at this party and I don’t even know why because I wasn’t into him at all, but the guy I wanted to get with wasn’t interested and Taj was so drunk he seemed desperate so it was easy. WORST MISTAKE EVER. From then he messaged me and I slowly fell into the TAJ trap. He made it seem he was interested in hanging out and even asked me on multiple occasions to catch up with him- yet he never followed through. And because I was super trusting when it came to toxic boys, I went all in. I thought he really liked me and I fell damn hard. Because we were getting with each other at pretty much every party we saw each other at. I did actually ask him to year 12 formal and he declined hence why I asked Blake.  So anyway, there was one night at a friend’s place, cut a long story short- he asked me out and I just kept saying you don’t mean it and never really said yes. He announced it to the party and promised my sister he wouldn’t hurt me. But that’s exactly what he did. The next day he called me and basically took back everything, including the part where he liked me and asking me out. The pain I felt in this moment was similar to when I found out about John and Talia. I really felt sick and I cried myself to sleep for weeks. My friend came and picked me up that day and took me out, and kept me busy, thank god for her. I felt so stupid and let down. It took me years, and I mean YEARS to get over him. And I always found it hard to see him out and he was always around. Until eventually I just accepted it and I started to work on myself and things were good. He’s had girlfriends since it all and we became friends, because I realised my worth. I genuinely felt sad for the kid when he got dumped, and it was after that I realised I was good, and it was such a perfect moment. End of the day, I’ll always have a soft spot for him and I like to think he felt the same, I can’t speak on anyone else’s behalf.  I learnt actions speak louder than words. I learnt that I am too good to be dismissed and that I deserve more than empty words and games. I learnt no matter if someone is your friend, if they haven’t healed from their damage, it will always come out and if I get to close, then regardless I get hurt, because no person changes if they can’t see the problems they need to fix.

Trouble (Taylor). This is a dude I met on a holiday ages ago. I guess we flirted a bit but he was 11 years older than me and I was like ahh better not. He gave me and Lilli the nickname “Trouble”, and it kind of stuck. Anyway, like a month after the holiday I literally saw him in a club and we started  talking for a bit, and he goes” I just don’t know what to do with you”, so of course I fuckiin kissed him, and fuck me dead, best kiss ever. Like dayum it was so hot and steamy like I couldn’t deal. We talked for AGES after that, we always missed each other when we were out, and then I got this super weird vibe that he wasn’t single, and every time I asked, he avoided the question or made a joke about it. Eventually we just stopped talking but it was a wild time and he was the oldest guy I’ve ever got with. I’d say he affected the way I look at relationships because I’m convinced, he was in one, and it made me a bit weary of men and shattered my trust a bit more. I did message the girl I thought was the girlfriend, whether it was or not I don’t know, I never heard back.

Blake! good looking  friend turned formal date! He was also the boy I lost my virginity to in Bali, he was really nice about it, and took his time and besides the dingey hotel, I got pretty lucky with my first time. It hurt like HELL but he was understanding and made sure I was ok and it was good. We talked a bit afterward but not long after he got a girlfriend and I haven’t seen or heard from him since. It is what it is and I don’t regret it. This affected me with sex because I always think who I sleep with is going to leave. I felt used after sleeping with the two next people and I felt disgusting after both. I’m learning now to only give myself to people I feel deserve it and who care about me, and have no shame in saying that I only want to sleep with men who mean something to me.

We also have Beau, my friend’s brother who. Doesn’t get a huge say, it was fun while it lasted but he was too addicted to the party lifestyle for me to ever be exclusive or serious or anything with him. Although I do hate that he has a girlfriend now that he changed his lifestyle for, which I never wanted I just wanted him to stop with the drugs; so it’s hard seeing someone you liked do what you wanted for someone else; just proves it was definitely not meant to be anything. I learnt from him that if someone wants to be with you, and wants to evolve with you, they will. It’s just whether or not they want to grow for your relationship.

I have slept with two other boys in my past who won’t be named because they are the 2 things, I regret most in my life and shut out that part of it. But I’m writing this bit about them because I have grown to respect my body more and it makes me think better about men and sex. They are both mere blobs of a person and I’m glad I never have to see them again.

Anyway, yuck to those two.

I met a guy called Jeremy who is like 7 years older than me. We kissed the night we met, then went on a date. I read into it wrong and got really upset. Although in a turn of events we actually became great friends. I still was shitty that it didn’t work out because I wanted to sleep with him. He’s like a men’s mental health coach but also super into his sexuality so I was ALWAYS intrigued. Now I could never think of that but at the time I was still learning a lot. I learnt a lot from him about the way you speak to people, and to myself, he even started me on my self-love journey so it was definitely the universe who brought us together, even though it was just as friends in the end, I’m more than happy with that!!! As I said I learnt about self-love, being ok with being alone and understanding my body and sexuality, and learnt that its ok to not have all the answers all the time.

For now, that’s all the dudes in my life that have affected me in one way or another. Good mostly but for the better yes. I’ve grown in such a way over the last year, and I’m so happy I have started to put more thought in how I act and speak and treat people. Life’s too short to hate yourself and others. So now I’m kinder to myself and other people, and try harder to understand their perspective and respect their choices.

L xox